This Past Weekend - 4-24-17 This Past Weekend #19

Episode Date: April 24, 2017

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What's going on you little gentrified brain wiggas? I got allergies, bruh, and one of my eyes is a little bit shorter than the other one. Fuck it, dude. Welcome to This Past Weekend. This Past Weekend. You hear that? You hear that? That is army of Angels. That is Army of Angels from Epidemic Sounds. And that is, that's that type of music where you, you know, something crazy is happening in a film, you know, like they got the art and they're running out of the museum or, or somebody's running through a tunnel wearing like a, you know, like a helmet and they're looking for a bad guy or something like that.

You know, that's where the action is. And that is called Army of Angels. And that is action music. of angels and that is uh that is action music that's the sound that plays in your head when you you know are late for work and you're still trying to make a smoothie really fast in the blender you know when you're throwing a bunch of shit in there and you know getting all fucking jazzed up and you know you got the banana in there and you're trying to put some peanut butter in there and some milk and you don't have any milk so you're fucking putting banana in there and you're trying to put some peanut butter in there and some milk and you don't have any milk. So you're fucking putting water in there and you're eating a jacked up fucking rural New York smoothie.

You know, probably has four grams of protein, 70 grams of sugar. And and that's what you're having. And that's the kind of music that's playing in your head uh when those types of things are occurring or at least that's how i feel man that's exactly exactly how welcome to this past weekend guys it is monday and if it sounds like it's april 24th 2017 that's because it is it is that date that is where we are in the in time um and i have allergies bro i'll admit it dude you know i'm not the kind of guy who you know just stands around red-eyed you know with snot kind of hanging out of his nose like uh couple of Asian fellas or kids hanging off the side of a bicycle or something.

I got allergies, dude. I'll admit it. I got them. I fall victim. You know, I can be a tough guy, but also I can fall victim to pollen, you know, really put you in your place. It really puts you in your place when you think you're a badass and then you have to sit down and really gather yourself before you sneeze because you got issues with pollen. So that's where I am. I'm in Sacramento, California. I'm actually in the kitchen of a residence in a motel hotillery.

And if you've never been to a residence in, it's a very basic but comfortable type of place. You know, it's your, you know, middle of the road type of motel hotel. And I've been here this weekend in Sacramento. Sacramento, good place I feel like to get socks, to get new socks and maybe to get murdered or not murdered but attacked. I could see somebody just hitting you for no reason in Sacramento. It kind of seems like the kind of place where karma is prevalent. It seems karma heavy. Like at any point you could get jacked or hit by somebody or a bird. A bird wouldn't shit on you in Sacramento, but it might come down and bite your fucking neck.

You know, maybe a couple of black birds or mixed birds might fucking come down and just fucking slap you with their wing or fucking rip a mole off your back with their talons. It's got that kind of edge to it. It's got like a hillbilly edgily. It's got that hillbilly edge, but also kind of a thug. Everybody looks like kind of like a mixed baby that grew up. But it's good, man. It's real people, and I love real people, man. And I think it may be the city where I ran into the most fans and friends

where I felt like a real connection. I mean, I just really, really relate to the people around this type of environment, man. So I had a great weekend, except for these allergies got daddy down. You know, I'd rather be snotting out of my nose than out of my pecker, though. That's the old saying, you know. I'm snotting out of my nose and out of my pecker, though. That's the old saying, you know. I'd rather have allergies than sexually transmitted diseases and that.

And no offense if somebody has those, you know. Some of that's part of nature. Excuse me. But, yeah, if you can see on the YouTubes, I'm in the kitchen right now of a Marriott residence in. And I've got some new dates for you. I'm coming to Phoenix, Arizona in two weeks. You can come and get a look at my straight up D. Not really, but you can come and be a part of the show, man. I'd love to have you come out. That's May 5th and 6th at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm really excited about that. May 25th through 28th, I'll be in Tampa, Florida at Sidesplitters.

June 1st through 4th, I'll be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv. June 23rd and 24th, New York City. I hope to catch up and jump on the Opie show there as well. And then June 30th, we are doing a fundraiser show in Wyoming, Illinois. It's a small town. The tickets will go online this week for that. It's about an hour from Peoria, not too far from the Quad Cities. So if you're in Illinois and you want to come check that out or you're in Iowa, come on over. It's going to be a really good time.

Small town show. I'm excited about that. All right, man. Let's get into the weekend, man. It's been a chill one. I'm at this residence and I got into a little bit of a fracas at the pool here. They got some guys, I guess, been staying here for about a month. um they got some guys i guess been staying here for about a month you know some dude who's real like tall like beer belly like almost amazing amount of beer belly for his height and he just

talks he knows everything and uh and he was bro, he's been grilling all weekend at the pool, at the, you know, who uses the grill at a fucking Marriott residence inn, I didn't even know they had a grill, and this dude's out there, he's inviting friends over, he's got fucking, they got some lady, like an older lady out there twerking, about, maybe about 48 years old, twerking, maybe about 48 years old, blonde hair, party, just kind of shaking her, just kind of bending over and holding onto a table and then just shaking everything. It's one thing to kind of shake your ass and do that fancy ass work, you know, and to really get yourself, you know, gyrating. But it's another thing just to kind of bend over and just fucking move your whole body at once. Like, it's not the same.

It almost looks like somebody's hurt or something, you know, like they got, like their whole body is itching, but they're not allowed to scratch it or something. They've been told they can't scratch themselves. So they're just trying to scratch their body against the air by moving their body around. So that's kind of what this lady was doing out by the pool. And of course, you got all these fellas drinking. And this dude's fucking grilling potatoes, you know? Like, I don't know, man. I mean, I've been in some pretty gutter shit, but this dude's out there like this.

Fucking know it all, grilling patatas, you know. So I'm trying to go in there and talk to him. Just, I mean, they were just kind of ruling the pool. I guess I got a little mouthy. But things calmed down and uh it was just awkward it's awkward to see somebody you know grilling out at a residence in but here I am man here I am I'm in uh in Sacramento a lot of missing people a lot of people here look like missing persons you know I put this on Twitter yesterday and I just, everybody

here, I kind of, you know, I love those shows where people are missing. I've always been a fan of missing people, of buried treasure. You know, I can't even sleep at night really unless I've seen a new episode of a show where somebody is missing or where there's a treasure that hasn't been found. I just have an obsession with that. I found some fingers in the woods when I was young. Maybe that spurned some of that behavior, but that's always been a part of my life. I love the missing. If you are missing or you know somebody that's missing, dude, I'd love to hear about that. Or if you know somebody that went missing, we can talk about that next week. I'd love to know if you've ever been missing as well.

If you are someone who went into hiding, you know, or who decided to skip out on, you know, a prison sentence or hide from their family or something like that. you know, a prison sentence or hide from their family or something like that. I'd love to get to, you know, I'd love to have you call in, hit the hotline, so that I could get into that and learn more about what your life has been like. We're getting close to having some guests, guys. I hope next week to have a guest. So I know I bring things up on the show that I want to do. I appreciate you guys bearing with me.

It's a struggle because some of these weeks on the road keep popping up. I'm in a fucking kitchenette. If you're on YouTube, you can see me. I'm taping this shit. I don't even have my mic stand. I have the top of it, but not the bottom. I have this thing propped up in a coffee pot that I took the top off of. We're doing what we can.

I got allergies. I just want to shoot myself in the fucking head with an EpiPen. Anyhow, 985-664-9503. If you are missing or if you know someone who has been missing, I'd love for you to call in. I remember when I was young, we were playing hide and go seek and a boy went and hid

and they never found him no one ever found him or heard from him so I sometimes wonder what happened to that boy what else man I read this dude that they had some conjoined

twins I believe they're from Mexico and now living in I read this, dude, that they had some conjoined twins. I believe they're from Mexico and now living in Connecticut. That's a real juxtaposition, I think. I don't know what that is. But that is, and they don't want to be separated. Conjoined twins refusing to be separated. And you know what? That makes me feel, it made me feel good when I heard that.

Because I'm tired sometimes of us doing whatever science kind of says we should do. You know, the doctors tell them, well, you know, you have a better chance of living if you separate. But you know, but what's their life going to be like? I mean, I look at, I'm not in this scenario, but I just, I think it's kind of beautiful to stay in it, to stick it out. You're conjoined. You got your fucking, you can high five yourself, but somebody else at the same time. There's something beautiful about that. And to know that you're in this together through thick or thin. There's something beautiful about that. And to know that you're in this together through thick or thin.

There's something beautiful about that. That, you know what, don't separate us. We're going to see what we can do. We're going to make it through this together. I think that's pretty beautiful, man. So that story really resonated with me. I hope they stay conjoined. I hope they stick it out. And you know what, if they go to heaven, they go to heaven together. You know, and I think there's something beautiful about that, man. It's like when somebody gets, you know, it's like if you had a little person that was hooked on to you and you didn't, and you got them cut off, you know, I wouldn't do that. I'd say we'll ride or die. You know, this is my friend's shotgun, and we're going into life together.

Thought that was interesting. Another thing in the news, I saw the Confederate monuments in New Orleans, and I know this has been happening in other cities, are being taken down. There's been a lot of issue back and forth there about these Confederate monuments. Robert E. Lee, other Confederate statues and soldiers, that it's racist, you know, that people feel,

and predominantly black people, but also black and white people feel that it's not, you know, that you see this leader of a southern army and that it's racist. And I can understand the rebel flag. Like, I get that, you know, because there are people that really associate that heavily with racism. But, you know, I'm just not a proponent of bringing down the Confederate statues because if you're going to do that, then there's statues in New Orleans where there are like slaves, there's slaves. And it talks about like, you know, when indentured servants and slaves came to New Orleans. Um, there's some, I believe in the Mahalia Jackson park right there in Armstrong park. Then I'd like to see those statues gone because I don't want to remember

that. I didn't have anything to do with slavery. I'm sorry. I think it's horrible. I wouldn't probably want to be a slave, I don't think. I mean, maybe in some instances, but not overall. But it's like, when do we just, do we just take everything away that bugs somebody? You know, and I know that, you know, remembering slavery isn't bugging somebody. It's bigger than that. But, you know, I don't want to see things that remind me of negative stuff. You know, like, I just feel like we're headed down this road where we're never going to get to a place where everybody's happy. You know, like I never walk down the street and am totally fired up. If we're doing that, then get rid of all my ex-girlfriends.

Get rid of the dude that used to make me bury his poops in the yard when I was growing up. Actually, he passed away, so that's a mute point. But at what point do we stop, you know, getting rid of just anything that bugs us? So I don't know. I, you know, I just, I don't agree with that. I agree with taking down things that really are surefire of racism, but you know, the South had its own army. I just, I feel like having some tradition is okay. I just feel like, cause at a certain point, we're headed down a road that you can't,

you're never going to be able to do it all. Let's completely erase history then because history has always pissed somebody off. You know, something pisses somebody off everywhere. What else, dude? I've been thinking about the future, man. And I want people to call in too if they have some thoughts about this, the future, dude.

And you know what I'm talking about, you know, what's next, and it kind of spooks me out, bro, you know, I feel like we are so, I almost dropped my phone in the pool here at the residence inn, and I, like, flipped, I, like, felt my whole my whole body like kind of seizure up. And I was like, wow, like I don't really get that feeling unless it's my phone, you know. Like if I saw like a friend fall in the pool, I'd be like, they'll probably be okay. Not knowing if they could swim or whatever. They'll probably be all right. not knowing if they could swim or whatever,

they'll probably be all right. But when you see a phone about to go in, you're like, oh my God, it's gonna die. Like, that's what I felt like. It's gonna die. It, I mean, it, as if it were more than a machine. That's what concerned me. I was like this, that I thought of it as more than a machine. Anyhow, so I'm just a little bit worried about the future, man.

When do we stop technology? At what point do we shut it down? When it's not, like, when it's not helping us anymore. You know, like, when is that? Like, I can understand in some fields, you know, in some of the medical fields and stuff like that. But when do we, like self-driving cars, you know, the trucking industry, they say will be gone. Like cross-country truckers, you know, a lot of stepdads, probably a lot of stepdads doing that work. When does that end?

Because if we allow self-driving cars, then you just have thousands and tens and hundreds of thousands of men and women that are going to be out of work. I don't see the benefit there. At what point is it not helping us to be human? I feel like we're there right now. I'd love to know some of you guys' thoughts on that. I feel like we're at a spot in time where technology isn't helping us as humans anymore. basically machines and a future that has us not as really a big part of the picture.

So that's where I'm at with it, man. I have a lot of concern there. You know, I also think that TVs are too clear. I'm watching this the other day. I'm trying to watch something, Dances with Wolves. You know, the movie about, it's about a warrior, whenever he goes to,

he meets a woman, and there, somebody has, fucking wolves, I think, I can't even remember, guys, it's, sorry, it's 3 a.m., I'm a little bit out of it, but,

bro, the movie was so clear, I felt like I was watching, like, home videos videos from Oklahoma, you know, of like a Civil War reenactment. I'm like, this is, it just, it didn't hold, it wasn't the same. So I'm just wondering if anybody else feels that way. Like, am I the only person who, I just think televisions are too clear. Like, I want to know that it's a story.

I don't want to feel like I'm looking into like a weird window where it doesn't seem like a story so those are just some of my thoughts on the future man that's where I'm at I know I'm rambling a little bit today guys I'm gonna get through this and I want to apologize too man I know that you know I've said again

that there's some things I want to do with this podcast. I want to get to some other levels. I want to get some guests. I haven't gotten to those things yet for you guys, and I want to. I had a guy this weekend at one of the shows, and he was really nice. After the shows, we were talking. I met a lot of great people here in Sacramento. Went downtown, beautiful downtown.

But I met a guy and I was like, he's saying he likes the podcast. And I said, well, thank you for listening. You know, I'm trying to figure it out and, you know, trying to figure out what I'm doing sometimes. And he goes, just do what you say you're going to do. That's what he said. And at first it kind of struck me a little bit like in a strong thing to say, but then I was like, he's right, man. You know, if I'm going to connect with people and I'm going to want to share and have, you know, listeners share with me, you know, I got to do the

things that I say I'm going to do. So I do want you to know that I'm making an effort that I'm trying to get it done. That I'm trying to get it done that I'm trying to create good legit content for you guys where we can move forward and learn some shit together it's been a rocky year for me with the Native American

child that could have been that kind of sent my feelings into a whirlwind with the electrocution, you know, with just the belittlement out there in Los Angeles being a southern guy, you know. They don't want us. They don't want us, man. They want to take down the statues. They want to take down the humans, I feel like, a lot of times.

But I'm going to try to do the things that I say I'm going to do. I've had a lot of amazing calls from you guys and I'm going to try to get to most of them that are relevant. You know, there's one where it's a guy and his kid just talking in the car for two and a half minutes. There's nothing there, you know. There's some where guys are making up stories. There's a couple where men are jerking off in the distance or women that sound like men that make male jerk off sounds. There's a lot of stuff going on. But I got allergies right now. I got a lot going

on today. I want to get this out to you guys. I want to get to a few questions. You can support the podcast if you want. You can go and grab the album 30 Pound Bag of Hamster Bones. It's still out there. And what else?

There's some other cool stuff on the website, theovon.com. All right, man. Let's jump into a couple of calls right here. Let's go. Hey, what's up, Theo? This is Chase. I'm calling from actually right outside new orleans that 985 you heard me that 985 boy i do hear you chase man that's uh that's my neck of the woods

brother uh come come across 10-4 i was calling in reference you asked about if anybody's having trouble about masturbation or stories about bad jobs or something like that. Well, I had this job. I actually really liked it. It was one of my favorite jobs. I was driving school bus for the parish. Oh, nice, dude. Now, the parish, most states have counties.

Louisiana, we have parishes. That's what they call it there. So it's the same thing. Damn, this dude's pretty gangster bro if you're driving bus bro go on it was basically awesome i saw the sunrise every morning off every weekend but there was this one aspect where the high school kids you know like public school and you know south louisiana you can kind of paint the picture in your head. Oh, yeah.

Really, all the kids were great except for this one. And I really kind of liked him and hated him because, like, he was like a really smart, sharp dude. Like, but he was zinging. Ah, you got zinged by the children, huh? I can relate to that, man. I can relate to school bus activities, that's for sure, Chase. When I was young, bruh, we had, I'll tell you this story, we had a boy on our school bus

who his daddy made him a wooden shirt. And I talk about this sometime in my standup, but his daddy had made him a wooden shirt, a shirt out of wood. And not even teak or balsam. Those are malleable woods. This boy's shirt was made out of ply, plywood. And the daddy was an Elvis impersonator. And he, the daddy was an Elvis impersonator because, well, first of all, he was an alcoholic, you know, because we only had, you know, maybe a few hundred people in our area. We didn't need a fucking Elvis, dude.

You know, we need, you know, we need gas money and we need ideas. You know, those are the top two things we need. Nobody's hiring an Elvis. And fucking half of everybody's uncle looks a little bit like Elvis anyway. So nobody's gonna go just get another uncle for whatever price he was charging. But anyway, this man had broke his leg

and they set his leg in cement to fix it. Cheaper, on the cheap, you know. But when it, and it healed up well, everybody assumed, but when they broke the cement cast off, they broke it with a hammer, ball-peen hammer. And it rebroke his leg and a hip in about two or three different spots, maybe, at least. So then he was really effed up.

They had to set most of his lower body in uh in the cement except for where he could urinate out of so uh but after that he healed up he kind of had like this wobble in his hips almost ironically like Elvis Presley but anyhow he had uh three or four children and one of them was a boy and the boy used to vomit on the bus all the time. Because the family didn't have a refrigerator. They only had a freezer. And he would eat ice cream. And the bus ride would shake and make him sick.

And he would vomit up on the bus. Doing bus vomit. And anyhow, one week I was coming over from church practice. Um, and the dad was in the garage and he was making his son a, uh, a wooden shirt, a shirt out of wood. And I went over and I didn't know what he was doing. You know, I thought he was building the fucking biggest birdhouse I've ever seen, you know. I'm thinking like, damn, this dude, this dude's trying to meet a pelican, you know. So I go over, and I see this activity going on. And I'm looking at him, and the dad, he's like, you want to help me out?

And I'm like, I don't know what's going on. He's like, I'm making my boy a shirt. I want to be helpful. I'm a young man, but I'm fired up to try and be helpful. I try and help, but I don't know how to make a shirt. Anyhow, I came back two days later and that was Christmas time I came back on Christmas and we and I held the side of this uh when he nailed his son into the shirt and he made his son a uh excuse me a beautiful I mean pretty pretty

pretty beautiful wooden shirt out of plywood so it it's not, it almost looked kind of camouflage, you know, because of the ply, because of the different, you know, wood particles that are in there. But, but he wore it for a while.

Some people spray painted swastikas on it on the school bus as well. And nobody had anything against Jews. People had just seen that on pamphlets, you know, had seen, had seen the swastikas on pamphlets and stuff. And so somebody drew that, you know, we didn't even have any Jewish people in our area, even though my mother dated a Jewish man for a while. Um, it was the first Jewish man I ever

met. Actually, this man Zali was his name. Still one of the neatest names I've ever heard. But anyhow, uh, that boy had that shirt for a while, and then some people stole it from him with crowbars and allegedly made a baby crib out of the wood. So that has kind of a sweet ending. But what I was answering there, sorry to go into that, but what I was answering was this gentleman's question here on the school bus. Let's go back to that story. I don't know how I got away from the school bus so far, but that was a strange kid that rode my bus was that boy in the wooden shirt who used to do a lot of bus vomiting. But anyway, go on, Chase. Let's get back to you. Every fucking day. And it started the very first day I ever picked him up.

He didn't skip a beat. You know, of course, smelling of weed. Steps right onto the bus. I'm a big fat dude. You got to understand this. And he looks right at me. That's cool, man. I have some friends that are pretty fat or different types of sizes in their body.

Go on. So you got the kid getting on the bus making fun of you a lot. Oh, shit. It's Peter Griffin driving the bus. So that pretty much set the tone for the rest of that whole entire school year. Wow, man. So you got the kid getting on the bus. He's raising hell.

So I was calling to see how would you deal with a situation like that? Or you just roll with the punches and enjoy getting zinged by a professional? All right, man. Well, you know what? I mean, I'll say this. If he's quick like that, you might not want to go at him, you know? Sometimes you just can't compete if somebody's zinging you. You know, sometimes you just can't compete if somebody's zinging you.

And sometimes you just need to not try and compete and just enjoy the fact that they're zinging you, bro. You know, I mean, if he gets really mean with it, you could ask him, take him aside and be like, look, man, I think it's I think you're a funny, funny dude. You know, respect that in him because he probably takes a lot of pride in being funny. You know, it might be the only thing he has. You know, he might not be real smart, he might just be funny, like, you know, when you're a funny kid, I think you take a lot of pride in that, but just ask him not to be mean, say, look, you can make fun of whatever you want, just, you know, if he's really gripping at you, something that's really hurting your feelings, or getting into your feelings, you know, you've got to drive a bus, dude. You can't be getting bent out of shape because fucking little Terry is zinging you.

And next thing you know, you're fish-tailing 50 kids around. You've got to keep it together. So yeah, that's what I would do, man. Just let him have his fun, dude. Laugh with him If you think you got a good one, maybe go back at him Maybe you could ask some of the other bus drivers What are some popular terms that they use to make fun of children

We had a man that drove us to school shirtless one time This man named Milford And he had a mixed boy He had a boy that was mixed But they tried to pretend like the boy was not mixed. So he had a boy that was half black, half white, a son, but they tried to pretend like the boy had two white parents, and I always thought that that was interesting. And I also thought my vision was bad for a while because I would see him and be like,

damn, my eyes aren't seeing colors while because I would see him and be like damn my eyes aren't seeing colors correctly I used to think that but Chase thanks for calling in there dude sorry I went off on my own tangent I'm at my wits end right now and I'm high on Claritin I've been putting down some Claritin

recently this weekend here in Sacramento it's Claritin country let's get into another question right here, man. Hey, Theo, I got a unique one for you, man. We got a lot in common in the fatherhood department. My dad was 66 when I was born. Okay, wow. His father was 66 when he was born. My father was 70 when I was born, so very similar. And he died when I was 16. Same here.

And right after that, a year after that, I joined the Marine Corps, got deployed, came home. Thank you for your service, brother. Came home and? And had a hard time readjusting, so I kind of went down a shitty road. I got a couple questions for you because I think you might be the only person I've ever heard of

that's got an old ass dad like mine. But how did you handle with not having that father figure to go to and do you feel any resentment because I find myself having resentment towards him.

I'm going to stop it there because that's a lot right there. How did I handle not having a dad? And did I feel any resentment? You know, the resentment, it's hard to have for me because for me, my father just wasn't really there enough to resent him.

So I can resent kind of him not being there. But he just, at a certain age, there's not a lot that they can even do. So like he couldn't even be there in a physical capacity. I mean, my parents also got divorced when I was seven and then I only saw my father on the weekends, but you know, he could only be there so much in a physical capacity. So, so to have a resentment towards him is really tough. Um, like I do resent the situation. Um, I resent his choice to have children when he was that old. But also, if he didn't have kids, I don't exist. So I have to be grateful for that. I have to be grateful for my own life. Because if I'm not grateful for my own life, then I'm not even taking any stock

in myself. So I do have resentment towards him just for not being there, but I don't have small resentments towards him because once he wasn't there, there's nothing really that he could do. And because of his age, he really couldn't be there. So I guess there's some resentment there, but not in every moment. Like, I wish my dad was here for this. I wish I don't, I don't hold those resentments. Now, unfortunately, what I do is I put a lot of pressure on my mother. You know, I took a lot of things out of my mother that should have been probably a father's responsibilities, but suddenly all those

male responsibilities switched to my mother. And I think the same thing happens with a lot of kids that just have a mother or just have one parent. You put the pressures or the, the, the, you put your desires or your expectations of that you'd have of both parents onto one. So I did that a lot. And I feel bad about some of that, you know, but I was a child and I was trying to survive and I didn't know. Um, also was blessed a lot, man. I had, you know, I found fatherhood in the littlest of, of, of, of things, man, any adult that would even talk to me, that was a male, like I would remember things that they said, because I was just such a sponge for any older man to spend time with me or to talk to me. You know, I had a friend. One of my best friends when I was younger was this boy, this man, Billy. And he was a homosexual gentleman, and he was a fighter.

He used to do some prize fighting down there in southern Louisiana. Very fancy fella, too. And I used to run him around to buy weed and drugs and this and that. Really neat man. He used to cut his own hair as well, and so did I. And we had that in common. And he kind of became a role model for me. He was tough, but he was gentle at the same time because he had that romantic interest in men's and in pleasure with men's.

So I would see him, and he was older than me by about 10 years. So he had a lot, or 15 years maybe. I mean, hell, he might have been nearly mildly pedophilic in some of his behaviors, but I just embraced being able to be around him because he almost had some father-like abilities. He was tough. He cared about me because he probably might have had a light romantic interest, but he also was in touch with his feelings, so he was sentimental. So I'll say that. He was tough, but he was sentimental. That's kind of what I think a lot of men desire or young men desire in their father. So I got a little bit of that from my buddy Billy before he actually got peeled up and drove into an embankment. And he died, I think, in a cutlass.

But I had another man who's still kind of like a stepfather to me today. I became friends with the kid. He invited me into his home and then me and his stepfather became friends. And he's still a really good friend of mine today. And I value him. I mean, I love him. He took care of me for years, man, and showed me, even though I wasn't ready to take a lot of his advice and guidance, he was an example. And that's one thing that was really special to me and still is. Another man, an older man one time told me, my basketball coach told me to get my high

school diploma, get my college diploma. He's the only man that ever said that to me outright. And that stuck with me. And he said, the reason you got to get it is because they can never take it away from you. That's what he said. And it was just a man who said that to me, but it stuck with me. So I would get inspiration from some of the strangest of places, man. And that's the thing. I think when you are young, if you don't have a father figure, thing. I think when you are young, if you don't have a father figure, you'll pull it out of anywhere. It can be a movie. It can be a song lyric. It can be a dream, you know, but you are

really just thirsty for that guidance or whatever you think a father would give you. And so you covet it and you'll chase it down anywhere in any male authority figures. Or I did anyway. If a man showed interest in me, even though I was still like a corny kid and I was, you know, full of ego and thought I was cool and stuff. Or pretended like I thought I was cool. I still probably really valued the um, the fact that, that somebody cared about me, you know? So I would just get it here and there, man. I'd get it door to door almost if I had to. Uh, let's get one more question here, man. Then we're going to,

we're going to pop off cause I'm, I'm, uh, I'm tired and I'll, I'll, I'll get into some other good stuff, um, and try to honor my commitments to you guys. Thank you guys so much for your support. Here we go. What's up, Dio? Hey, man, this is Luke. I just wanted to encourage you to continue to work on trying to start a family, man. I think you're a great person. You're a good human being.

You have a great heart. And I don't think there's any reason on the planet that you should feel like any type of apprehension or afraid to do it man because I'll tell you what I I was I was 25 well thanks for the nice words man I appreciate you saying some of those things Luke um uh I appreciate that man it's nice you toward. About three years ago, and I met a girl who had a daughter, and that little girl's dad had left her and didn't want to be a part of her life, and now I'm her dad, and she's seven years old now and thriving and living a beautiful life, man.

But I wanted to give you this advice, Theo. The commitment you make, it's not a hundred-year commitment, Theo. You just make a commitment, a new commitment one day at a time. So every morning I wake up, I commit to be the best dad I can be. I commit to be the best boyfriend I can be. And that's all you can do, man. Don't look at it as a 50-year race because that will overwhelm you, man. Just take it a day at a time, Theo. And I thank you for this podcast, man. I love it. It encourages me to be a better person.

And God bless you, Theo. Thank you, man. Thanks, man. I didn't mean to cut you off there, but I appreciate, I really do appreciate the nice words, dude. That's a, you know, that's a great way to think about it, you know? Because yeah, if I think of something in a big chunk, I can't handle it. You know, it's the same way that I deal with staying in sobriety. So it's interesting that you say that. That if I try to think,

oh, I'm going to stay sober forever or I'm not going to have another beer, I can't handle it. That's really tough to stomach. But if I just think, okay, today, I'm not drinking today, or I'm not going to party today, then that's easier to handle. So that's really great. That's great advice that you're offering to me, man. And I appreciate that. And I appreciate, I do get some good calls where you guys are offering me guidance

and thoughts and advice, and I really appreciate it. It makes me feel good that you care because I care, man. We're out here fucking fighting, dude. For me, it is hard to be a man, dude. It's hard because I want to fucking still be a boy. I want to still screw around. And there's an environment and a society that caters to that. It's like, oh yeah, sex is everywhere, and this is drug, and party, and this and that. And you can do it all. But you can't. You can't do it all. Certain ages you can, and certain times in your life. But if you're ready to, if you're trying to grow up and move on or evolve, then you can't.

You know, and it's tough, dude. It is tough. It's tough to, you know, to not want to just be a kid forever. And it's tough to realize you might have the confidence to be a parent to somebody when you still don't know if you've been parented enough as a human. I still don't know if I've found enough father figures to get back to that previous call. the child that you were and whatever damages were there have been healed or taken care of so that you can evolve and move past that. So I think that's some of my issues sometimes.

Luke, to get back to your call, I believe it was Luke. Let me check and see here. Hey, man, this is Luke. Yeah. Yeah, if... You know, it's tough. It's just tough sometimes, dude. But I appreciate that, man. I appreciate that vote of confidence. And that's a good way to look at it. And that's a good way to look at any, any addiction or any concern. Like,

I don't have to do this for, for 50 years. I just have to do it for today. So I'm going to leave us with that, man. That's a great thought. You know, that if you're worried about something, you know, if you think, oh, I'm never going to talk to my girlfriend again, or I'm never, or my ex-girlfriend, or I'm never going to be able to stop drinking or stop smoking, it's too big of a task. You know, our brains will do that. Sometimes they'll make the task so big, so unimaginably big. But it's not true. It's just today. Just today, you don't have to do it for.

So I'm sharing Luke's words there. You know what's funny is, man, I wish there were times in my life when if I'd had a father figure that had come along and told me some of those things, things like that, simple things, I think I wouldn't have spent years, years, maybe even decade spinning my wheels, not being able to figure out, um, not being able to figure out things or get past things. Cause I didn't have good advice, but I would gravitate to it wherever I could get it. And, uh, and I think that's what we're all doing these days. If you're a young man trying to evolve, that's what I'm trying to fucking do, dude. I'm having to deal with these rap scallions out here trying to use the grill at a damn residence inn.

And I can barely keep my shit together. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful, man. I want to thank everybody in Sacramento for coming out. I'm going to sign off for tonight, man. I want to thank everybody in Sacramento for coming out. I'm going to sign off for tonight, man. And I'm going to try to honor my commitments to you guys, dude. And I appreciate you guys being supportive and hitting the hotline. I'll see you guys next Sunday night.

And I'll see you guys in Phoenix in person in two weeks. You guys be good to yourselves, man. Try that. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try and take some of you guys' wisdom this week. Thank you very much. Talk to you later on, man.

Let's get out of here with a little bit of this is called Green Sleeves Epidemic Sound. called Green Sleeves Epidemic Sound. Oh, that's a little romancer right there. That is a little romancer, boy. Yeah, it's tough to decide, you know,

when you gotta be, you know, it's tough to decide when you got to be a leader and when you just got to listen and be a learner. My first thought all the time is to try and be a leader, but really if I had to go back in time, I'd have been better off just being a learner a lot of times. I'd have been much better off doing it like that. But I didn't know. Sometimes you lead because you don't know what else to do. You lead out of survival. But hopefully we get to a place in our lives where we can take that breath and let go of the...

and just be patient with ourselves and let go of the, and just be patient with ourselves and let go of the controls and learn a little bit, you know? And we learn from each other. So that's what I'm trying to do, man. You guys be good to yourselves, man. Take care of yourself. You know?

Be good to yourself. You probably deserve it. I'll talk to y'all later. Have a good one. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages.

A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, sweetheart. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Do you know what I mean?

I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.