This Past Weekend - 6-5-17 | This Past Weekend #24

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

Pittsburgh. The truth about the Ukranians. Id rather be American, than right.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Monday, you little nickel-plated nutsacks. It's about that time again. You've been eating cat cocks all weekend, huh? You've been cracking open a crusty can of cat cocks? Well, meow, it's your boy, about to sherpa you up this mad mountain of Monday-ness. You guys ready? Do you think I have Michael Landon on my shirt? Well, oh, welcome to this past weekend. This past weekend. You hear that? That's the Cambridge twang.

That's what that song, that sound is called. Listen to it. Listen to it. It kind of sounds like the kind of sound that like when everything's going like in the movie, like when the couple is, you know, they're out and finally everything's going great. It's like the third date and it's just a montage and they're dancing and like spinning each other around in the rain. And like, listen, listen. Yeah, you see? Yeah, we got the third date in the books.

And now we're just, we're bowling and kissing and, you know, trying on our bowling shoes and laughing and like punching each other softly, soft punches and doing stuff like that, you know, or if you take maybe two squirrels, I don't know if you ever spend any time around squirrels, they're basically a very short ferret, but with a tail on it, kind of. And they are exciting animals. They're animals that are, I don't want to say they're beautiful animals, but I think they're, I'll sit and talk with you about them all day. They are a very enticing, enticing species, the squirrel. But yeah, this seemed like if a couple of them were just kind of in the trees going nuts. Listen. Just kind of running around and grabbing acorns and peeking out from behind the other tree and like scurrying up the branches.

There you go. That's a little bit of Cambridge twang. That's the song right there and we are here with you. And this is Monday, June 5th. And welcome to This Past Weekend. I appreciate you guys joining us today, but you already knew that. I have a feeling that you already knew that because I let you know all the time. I'm coming to you live for me for now on this Mondays of June, and that means summertime is coming right around the corner.

The solstice is coming up. I believe that's June 21st or 22nd. And that should be the longest day of the year. Yeah. So if you got a friend that talks a lot, I wouldn't hang out with them on that day. Because you're liable to be out there, out and about, having to listen to them a little bit longer than usual. about having to listen to them a little bit longer than usual. So I'd spend that day with people who don't talk too much and who you like to have fun with. You don't have to really listen very much or more than you should.

I'm in Pittsburgh coming to you live from a Courtyard Marriott, a very basic, you could call it a hotel. It's kind of a motel to me. You could call it a hotel. And then he's like, oh, whatever. He's British as well. And he's like, oh, whatever am I to do? I'm just jeepers, creepers. And the night shift, the people that work the night shift at hotels, man, I mean, they're either cool as fuck or they are fucked up. Because I have seen both types, man. I have seen both types, dude.

A lot of, one guy took me back in this baggage room where they kept a bunch of baggage one time and he had a German shepherd back there giving babies. Birth. Whelping, they call it when they're giving birth like that. This German shepherd back there giving birth to baby animals. Little baby German shepherds, you know that. This German shepherd back there giving birth to baby animals, little baby German shepherds, you know that. So I just don't know what the fuck is going on, honestly, at some of these places. And I'm sorry to get fired up out of the gate and use this language, but

you know, I've been out here in Pittsburgh for four nights, good city, but I'm on the outskirts. You know, I'm out here at one of these malls and this is the kind of times when in a comedian's life dude it's not great I want to go home I'm tired but with that said I had some joy this weekend

you can look on the YouTubes if you're on the YouTubes I got a gentleman that makes some of my shirts this gentleman Kevin Kevin Best, and he showed up and made me some beautiful shirts, man. So that's really, really cool. And this one is of Michael Landon, who you know I've always thought of as like a television prophet actor, you know, who really kind of led or tried to help lead everybody in a positive direction before he died of cancer and cancer got him. Dude, I'm starting to wonder, like, what diseases are we going to have from this technology we have right now?

You know, like we don't know anybody who has hit 65 years old and who's been on a phone on a cell phone for 40 years. We don't know the effects we don't know the effects of a lot of the medicines that we're on right now i mean i'm just what if at you know 70 years old somebody who's been using a cell phone for 30 years what if their fucking eyeballs fall out of their head? Huh? What if that's one of the afflictions? You know, and you got a bunch of people running around with no eyes or walking slowly and still and being angry at Verizon, but still addicted to their phones. How crazy is that going to look? When you have a guy with no eyes, no eyes in his head, and you're like, what happened to you?

And he says, sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm on the phone. Even though it's the phone that did it to him. That's where we're headed, guys. We got some great callers that called in about one. I'm going to leave us with today. A caller called a few weeks ago about the future. And I'm going to leave us with that one at the end of the lineup today

so you can see what you think. He had a really great, a good point, a good topic that I want to lead us into, and we can talk about that. But first, I want to tell you about here in Pittsburgh, man. I'm here. It's been a good time. Pittsburgh Improv had some nice people came out. The Neon Nightingale.

He came out. He came out. You guys remember him from some of the previous episodes. And that was pretty sweet having him out and about. Got to meet him and his lovely lady. And they got a child that they left somewhere at home under the care of someone else. So that's the proper way to do it. But I've been in Pittsburgh all weekend.

It rained today. That's about the most exciting thing that kind of happened to me. Spent time with my buddy's family. What else? I had a lot of lovely fans that came out, man, lovely fans and friends. I'm going to tell you where I'm going up soon, and then we'll get into the news, and then we're going to hit into some calls and emails from people, from listeners that we're going to offer some basic life suggestions, people that hit the hotline. I'm going to give you that hotline number right now, 985-664-9503. And the cities I'm hitting soon, Nashville, Las Vegas, Orlando, Colusa Casino in north of Sacramento, New York City, Stark County, Illinois.

So those places are going to be coming up as well as Addison, Texas. That's in Dallas or outside of Dallas on that second week of August. But all those other cities are before the end of July. You can find them at theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R. As well, I got the new album that's out now, Musket Fire, The Early Years of Satire, and 30-lb Bag of Hamster Bones. Both those are available right now. Check the tracks and make sure that you don't already own the album, though. I'm happy to be here with you guys, man. I'm happy to be here with you guys, man.

I'm happy to be here with you guys. Bill Cosby case is starting today. You may know that, you may not. To me, I think that Bill Cosby is guilty. Do I think he's guilty of copulating with however many of those women are? I don't. I don't think he's guilty of all of them. Just based on my experience in LA, I easily see how when one woman sees that something's

going on, others will jump on. It's not just a woman people. They're doling out money over here. Let me jump in. There's a lot of hot ass out there in Los Angeles. A lot of gold digging, trifling women out there just trying to make a buck. I'm not even talking feminists. These aren't feminists. These are Rottweilers.

These are them cooter Rottweilers. Okay? These are them, you know, them cooter Rottweilers. And they're just barking around with that crotch and trying to get that money. Stack that paper, you know. But I think that, I don't think that Bill Cosby will be convicted. I think he might be convicted of some civil charges. But I think he'll be the O.J. Simpson of vagina. And that's my theory. There you go.

There you have it. I believe that. I think he'll get off, and I think he'll be the O.J. Simpson of poise. Onward. More news. Kathy Griffin, everybody knows this, the bloody hedge he held up. I'm going to say this. Some people think by even talking about it, you're creating publicity for her.

I'm not creating publicity for Kathy Griffin. She's the only comedian that I've ever gone to their show a full hour, and I didn't laugh. That's a true story. This was about seven years ago. I went or eight. It could have been eight years ago. I didn't laugh at all. She's not for me. Her type of comedy. I get it. But I thought that this was just hack. You know, I thought it was just, you know, you're holding up a bloody head of the president. Get a life. You know, you've made your money in this country and show some gratitude. You don't have to show it to Donald Trump, but show it to the fact that that's the president for right now. You know, that's who the president is, you know, and I don't care who it is.

I think that as an American, you have some responsibility to at least just go along with it. And I just think she could have come up with something much better or funnier. To me, she's not funny. And to me, I just thought that that was un-American. That's kind of the feeling that it left me with. You know, and I'm kind of just sick of all the Trump. I'm just, I think the Trump jokes are just hack. It's like, we get it. Like, you don't like him. Okay, great.

You know, I mean, I voted for Obama twice. I wasn't a huge Obama fan. You know, but I was inspired by what he was talking about. I think Obama did some good. I think he was a great example. I also think Obama was kind of a pussy when it came to a lot of stuff, to be honest. Sorry to use that language. I felt like he didn't really have any balls, you know. I don't think he did a lot to inspire black America. For me, that's just my perspective. You're like, well, Theo,

you're not black. You're right. I'm not. But I can still have a point of view. A lot of my black friends have felt the same way. I think he's a great speaker. I think he's a great order. I think he sounded amazing, no doubt. He looked good in pictures, beautiful family, beautiful daughters, probably a great hoopster. But to me, he was all talk. He was more of a celebrity than he was a man. I would look at him as more of a celebrity than he was a man. I would look at him as more of a celebrity than I would as a man. So I don't know, the Kathy Griffin thing, I just didn't laugh. It wasn't funny to me. I think she's more of a loud mouth.

And maybe she was a comedian at a time, but I've never seen her in a comedy club. Never seen her in any comedy club anywhere, except for the one time I went and saw her at a theater. And part of that is I'm just sick of the un-American attitude. Like, people saying that, oh, this country doesn't represent me, and stuff like that. Like, maybe I'm old-fashioned or something, you know,

but, like, I feel, hold on, the air conditioner just came on. I've got to shut it off. All right, I'm back but i feel like if you live in the country you cash your checks here then have some gratitude you know have some freaking gratitude you know if you don't like what's going on then find some ways to change it be part of the solution you know shut the fuck up and contribute all right you don't have to make it but you're not going to change it. Be part of the solution. Shut the fuck up and contribute. You're not going to make it better by acting like you're not part of this country. If you don't want to be part of the country

then go. Go out for a few years and come back. Nobody's doing that. You see what I'm saying? Everybody's anti-America but they're not leaving here. So it just kind of makes me upset, you know? And you can say, well, Theo, you're naive. You know, you still believe in some type of an American

ideal or American dream. You know, I don't know how clearly I feel on some of that, but I do feel like we're fortunate enough to live here. We're blessed to live in this country. We should act like it. We should act like it. We should act like it. And if something we don't like, find a more constructive way than just by sheer hatred. I just don't get it. Bill Maher dropped the N-word.

That's a little more news there. I thought with Bill Maher in comparison to Kathy Griffin, at least Bill Maher, that's him. You know who he is. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I don't live in a world where I know personally hundreds of people who you would think never use the N-word, who I hear use it. I'm not going to

sit in a world and pretend that that's the case. People use it a lot. They don't use ER, but I hear N-I-G-G-A all the time. And I don't condone it. I don't think it helps. I do think it's a derogatory word, right? But I believe that it's going to take time for us to get it out of the vocabulary of humanity. that it's going to take time for us to get it out of the vocabulary of humanity. And I think that today more kids learn it today from music than they do from racist channels or influences. How do we defeat it? For me, I think that you take it out of music and you let time pass. You just need time.

But also, that's just my thoughts on it. Some people are like, you're white, you don't get to comment on it. And that's understandable. If somebody takes that stance, I might maybe almost agree with them. That's a weird ground. But I think with Bill Maher, you just know who he is. That's who he is. He's the kind of guy who drops a wild joke like that,

who is not afraid to use a word like that. I'm not surprised. I mean, Bill Maher, he's spicy, he's derogatory. He's, you know, he's always misogynistic. He's, I think in a way, he's kind of like a Trump in a way, you know?

And I'm not saying that that's, that he's a horrible person. I don't know the man. But I'm saying that I feel like at least you get who he is. You're not shocked. I don't know who was super shocked by that. Like I know people on Twitter get angry, but Twitter angriness to me, not even real. Twangry. If you're twangry, that's not real. That's fake. You just sit there and tweet something and then do nothing about it or have no,

it's just to me, it seems really, really fake. But as compared to Kathy Griffin, Kathy Griffin, you have no idea who she is. You just think, oh, she's just this Muppet trying to make some weird splash, and it didn't go well, and she's blaming white people. Just give it up. You seem to have led a pretty privileged life. And she just seems to have no gratitude for that. And that just pissed me off. And you don't have any idea who Kathy Griffin is. She's this snarky kind of early Perez Hilton sort of, she was kind of like a human TMZ that just told these weird behind the scenes stories about celebrities that I never

thought were super funny. And then she just like cow toad to the gay community for her fanship. Uh, but Bill Maher, I mean, that's who he is. You know, at least you're like, Oh, that's exactly who he is. Kathy Griffin. You're like, what the fuck is this? This lady's out of her mind. Uh, anyway, so those are some of my thoughts on the news. What else is going on? I mean, they had the tragedy over there in England. I don't know what to think about that kind of stuff, you know? I mean, it's crazy to think you want our military to get involved in things because it's just kind of scary, you know? But, but yeah, I mean, I just, you know, my thoughts and prayers are really with those, with those

people who, you know, are dealing with their children and having to deal with that. And I like thoughts and prayers. Some people don't like them. I mean, to me, all a thought or a prayer is, it's hope. It's a moment of meditation. It's a moment of you trying to express good energy towards people that need it. And to me, there's a ton of value in that. People are always like, thoughts and prayers don't solve anything. I disagree.

Surely, they're not going to make you a sandwich. If you're thinking and praying for bologna and cheese to meet in your kitchen, you're dead wrong. But if you're thinking and praying that the hearts of someone who's hurting could find more comfort, I think that things like that can really occur. So I believe in some of those things. We got the hotline, man. I'm going to get right into it because it's late, bro.

It's late for me. And I don't want to live like this, dude. I don't want to live up this late. I just want to get some rest. To be honest, I got a flight in. Four hours and 50 minutes I'm flying out of Pittsburgh. So let's get it in. I'll say this on the hotline.

That number again, 985-664-9503. The first one we got a message that came in. This was a text, and then we'll get to some calls. Theo, Austin here, texting in from the University of Central Missouri. Your last podcast, you said you attended six different universities. Next year, I graduate and start the process of paying off my student loans and was wondering how you handled all your debt if you had any

and any advice as I jump into the real world with loads of debt. Thank you. You're the mother effing man. Here's what I say about student loans, young buck. Austin, name after a city. I've always wanted to have a daughter named Chicago.

I thought that'd be a neat name. Or maybe a son named St. Petersburg. But here's what I want to say about student loans, dude. Don't worry about that. That's my thought on it. I mean, because you can get your student loans down to where you're paying like a little bit of money basically over the rest of your life. I've been out of school for 15 years. I refinanced them here and there.

I basically have paid. There were times where I didn't have to pay anything where they gave me some, a period of grace period. But otherwise, I probably paid 100 bucks a month for about 15 years. But you know what?

Don't worry about that shit, dude. Because if you worry about small stuff, But you know what? Don't worry about that shit, dude. Because if you worry about small stuff, then you live small. That's one thing I've noticed. If I could go back in time, if you worry small, you live small. You worried about all that small shit, dude, you're gonna, you never, if you're worried about that small shit, you will never make a stink, man. That's what I'm going to tell you. You got to worry big, dude.

Think about this. You might get in with a company in five years and not have to even pay your student loans. Some companies, when you come to work for them, part of the contract is they pay off your student loans. There are real possibilities like that in your future. So for you sitting there worrying about that $100 a month, I promise you, you will be okay. That doesn't mean go out and drink every night and not take care of yourself and not have a job. But find employment and worry big. I'd worry about how am I going to own a rental property in five years. That's a bigger

goal, man. I'd take on a bigger goal like that. Set a goal like that instead of these, if you're worrying down here, you're living down here. If you're worrying up here, you're living up here. So I'd get up there, man. That's what I'd say. Don't look at it as, oh, I owe $150,000. That's what I'd say. You know, don't look at it as, oh, I owe $150,000. That's huge. That's crazy. Look at it as, oh, I owe a hundred bucks a month because I borrowed an education and I got to pay it back. Don't waste the education, man. Just get out there. Stay busy. Stay, stay busy. A man should always be working. I used to live with a friend of mine and his, uh, and his dad told me that. It's one thing he told me. He said a man should always be working. I used to live with a friend of mine, and his dad told me that. It's one thing he told me. He said a man should always be working.

I don't mean every day, but it means you should have a job. Good luck out there, Austin. All right, let's get to a call here. Let's see what we got. Hey, CEO. This is Alex in Atlanta. Just giving you a call, love the podcast. I wanted to get your advice on a roommate situation I have. This is Alex in Atlanta calling about a roommate situation he has. I live with a good friend, recently moved in with him, but I'm having

trouble sort of adapting back to having a roommate. He's sort of a kid who comes from money and seems to never really have had any responsibility in his life. I'm quite the opposite of, you know. Okay. So he moved back in with a roommate. It sounds like he didn't have a roommate and now he's moved back in with the roommate.

He's having trouble adjusting to that. And, um, and the roommate is more, maybe more of a silver spoon type of boy. Like he's had types of things given to him onward. You know, I've got a full-time job have since I graduated, you know, since I've been in high school and worked for all my bills. And I've just kind of, it's kind of been a struggle for me, sort of not kind of being an asshole to him and coming off as a prick of a roommate.

But it's just one of those things where, you know, he sleeps all day. You know, the few responsibilities I give him to benefit the two of us. Oh, wow. So he's saying that, you know, it's hard for him not to be a prick to his roommate. But then you say, Alex, I think it was Alex, you said the few responsibilities you give him. So it seems like your take on this, you know, yeah, it seemed like you're having trouble adapting to being in a roommate situation. Because if you're giving this dude, you know, if you're like giving demands out of him, it sounds like you're not going to, some of those things you're not going to get, you know? I mean, if you're expecting him to do all these things and expecting him to

live a certain way, he's an adult too, you know? He's going to, he might be set in his ways. It sounds like you're more angry that you have to now live with someone, to me. Here, let's hear the end of this real quick. As roommates, he just, you know, it takes forever to do anything and just never really gets anything done. Um,

but just, you know, I wanted to get your advice on that. I appreciate it. Love your podcast. All right, man. Thank you so much for calling in about it.

So you got the new roommate. Here's what I think, man. I think that you, I don't know if you're ever going to be happy with him. If you started out in this vibe where he doesn't contribute enough for the few responsibilities you give him, he doesn't get done. You're going to have to find a way to get out of that whole mindset.

Otherwise, you're going to drive yourself miserable because it sounds like he's living it up. You know, he's comfortable in enough situation. He's got a roommate. He's resting. His parents are taking care of things. That's going to be his life for now. And if you guys are arguing, then it's only going to make things even worse. So you don't want to get into an argumentative state, man. Maybe if he doesn't want to contribute and there are things he has to do,

Maybe if he doesn't want to contribute and there are things he has to do, maybe see if he'd be willing to put in to a house cleaner that comes once a week. That way, he can get whatever his responsibilities are done, make his responsibilities some of the cleaning, and then he can pay to have them done. That way, it takes off of his chest. But you can't feel bad if he's not physically doing those things. You can expect him out of them. But at a certain point, if he's not doing them, he's not doing them. And that's just somehow at times how roommates are. You know, when I think of roommates, I think of two people arguing over dishes. That's what I think of. And somebody else ends up writing their name on the damn spaghetti sauce. And then, I mean, we had a guy who jumped out of his own window,

tried to kill himself when he was on drugs or something, but he was only on the first floor. So he ended up just breaking his window and damaging a set of Venetian blinds. But he was an idiot, you know, but he tried to kill it. He tried to, you know, we had roommate wars and all that shit and people losing their mind. You know, I mean, things can happen with your roommates where you can be fun. You want to be in a fun environment. And I remember one time, you know, eating some drugs or something and being on LSD and cooking a pizza in the dryer.

You know, and I'll tell you this. It takes four hours for a medium to be edible. And that's one thing I learned by having fun with my roommates. We used to get drunk and my roommate would let me lay on the hood of his car and he would drive me all around town. Back when you could be young and fun. Not now. Not now. But I think you need to quit expecting them. You know, back when you could be young and fun. Not now. Not now. But I think you need to quit expecting them.

You sound like a parent. You almost sound like a parent calling in. So you're going to have to just find a way to get in a better mind space. Here's what I would do. I would maybe sit and let them know how you feel, but you can't come from a point of anger. Just say, this is what's going on. You need to take that stuff where he's silver spoon kid and all that shit out of it. That doesn't matter. That's his life and

that's your, your lives are different. Oh, well, that's that. Um, but I would sit there and just let him know how you feel that you, you know, you just need some more help with things. Offer up the idea of maybe getting a maid. That way you guys aren't milling around fighting about it. Um, and then dude, it's going to sound crazy, bro. I'd pray for the dude. Pray for him for two weeks, man. You're thinking this is some Christian ideas. No, I'm not saying that. Just two weeks in a row every day. Just hope the best for him. That's what you want to do. Hope the best, man. I hope he just sleeps all day in pure comfort while I handle the chores. Because then here's what happens is then you, then you suddenly you are a proponent of his.

So even if you have these issues, you start to, you start, he starts to become something you're He starts to become something you're cheering for instead of something you are angry against. It sounds crazy, but it'll adjust that perspective inside of you, man. And those are just my thoughts, man. Those are things that I would do if I were in that scenario. That shit might not work out. You guys might end up taking scissors to each other's necks. And they might be playing this call in a court case soon. Who knows, bro. But, um, but that's what I'm sharing with you. That's my basic life suggestion for this. All right, let's crack into another one. Thank you very much for calling

too. I do want to say that I do appreciate the calls. I know this week we'd wanted people to call in who were missing an appendage. If somebody had lost an arm. I know a man who cut his wiener off one time when he was on drugs up there in Mississippi, and his family used to run the Ramada, and he cut off his wiener up there, and he's better now, and he dealt with all that. But I'm always real curious as to what it's like if somebody's missing an appendage and just how that feels. Is it a constant thing where you think about it every day or do you just get used to it? I didn't get any calls about that, I don't think.

If somebody has that and they're just afraid to share, I want you to know that I'm not trying to make fun of you or if you have a friend that you might think could call in and tell us about that. That's what I want to know is just some behind the scenes of not having a leg. Or, you know, just some kind of tips and hints if you don't have a leg or an arm. Or if you know someone who doesn't. Have them give us a buzz. All right, let's move on to another call.

Here we go. This is from abroad. Hey, Theo. Hello. theo so second time calling um i'm just watching your podcast right now i'm just waking up i'm actually working abroad working uh ukraine ukraine now if you're not familiar with Ukraine, that's over there near Russia, Poland. That's the Wild West. A lot of snowball fights. A lot of children with stone shoes and girls carrying stone dolls around. It's a tough life over there.

So thank you for calling internationally, brother. Onward. I'm an English teacher. You're an English teacher. Anyway, just having a few issues. I'm an English teacher. You're an English teacher. Anyway, just having a few issues, you know, I'm over here by myself. Ooh, alone in the Ukraine. Also, the Ukraine is a lot of where those

movies hostile, and those movies where kids get murdered, or not children, adults get murdered on their spring break and stuff. So that's I guess a popular pastime in Ukraine. Onward. Working abroad over here, I got a girl that I'm dealing with. I've been seeing her for a few months. And it's just these girls these days, man, they just, they don't even officially say,

or you guys don't have no talks. She's already expecting me to go to like family birthdays and just stuff I'm not into. And the crazy part is this is my second time already dealing with Ukrainian girls. Like, okay. So he's having some issues here with these Ukrainian girls. You know, they're expecting a lot out of him. And he's not having the talks. They're not, you know, things aren't becoming clear. And he's not having the talks.

They're not, you know, things aren't becoming clear, you know, if it's a serious relationship or just a dating or something like that, I'm guessing. Let's listen more. You meet them. You start hanging with them. Everything is cool. You tell them you want to take it slow. You don't want nothing serious. And then all of a sudden, you're just like buying birthday presents.

And I don't know, man. What do you think about that? On these girls, as soon as they get with you, they act like your girlfriend. They don't have no discussions. Have a good one, man, once again. Long business phone call. It's costing me money. All right.

Well, I appreciate you making that investment this past weekend. The Ukrainian girls, man, if you call them. I mean, let's be honest, man. If you have a deal with the Ukrainians, a lot of them, you know, they do it. They got a lot of I'll tell you out the out the out the out the shoot here. A lot of that pornography comes out of the Ukraine and, you know, the Soviet Union. And, you know, those girls like to be they like to get wild, you know, real butt universe over there. But here's the thing. You said you're taking it slow. You tell these girls

we're taking it slow. But even if taking it slow for a few months, that builds up speed, man, you know, in the mind of a woman, you know, they, they, things start to mean something to them. You know, if you spend time, you know, I got a gal that I'm just starting to spend some time with and that makes me, I get nervous, you know, I get nervous. Because for me, it's just, am I, am I ready to be a man? Do I think I can be that, you know, that stable? Can I be a stable man in a, in a relationship? Am I there enough yet in my head and in my heart? Do I have enough of my things taken care of in my life to do that, to really be that man?

But for you, it sounds like you just want to be casual, but these women start expecting something. And then you go into birthdays and parties and fiestas, and, you know, y'all are, you know, you guys might be doing, you know, you think you're just taking a walk, but then she had y'all jump into a carriage ride. And now y'all are carriage riders or listening to somebody play the violin or whatever they do over there in Russia, listening to somebody, you know, softly beat their children, you know, under a candlelight or whatever romance happens over there. You know, just watching somebody wash their forehead with soapy water or whatever. I'm Polish, so I know. I'm Polish-Nicaraguan, so I know some of,

I got in my blood some of what's going on over there. I can hear it in my heartbeat sometimes, some of the trite magic that comes out of there from the far Eastern Europe. But I'll say this, man. I think you don't want anything serious, but these girls are going to start to expect it. And one of the craziest types of women to date are Russian women or Eastern European women. You know that, bro. You know that.

You have to know that. I mean, they will. I've dated one girl in L.A. that was a Russian girl, and then she actually went to jail for beating up her landlord, I think. I'm pretty sure. I'm like 88% sure or 75% or something sure. I know she was on trial for it because she tried to get me to come down to the courthouse a few times.

Beautiful girl. You know, and she just, they all want to be Laura Croft Tomb Raider, you know, and I don't know what happened. But they get wild. And that's why I say, you know, it's tough to date some of those ladies because they will knuckle into you.

You know, they just have that Cold War in them. They got the dark arts. They grew up playing with stone dolls and eating wooden candy. And when you grow up with that rough of a childhood, when you finally get a little something, you get anything, even if it's somebody's feelings. You know, feelings are a big commodity there. When you live in a land that has nothing, when you live in a land that's second and third world.

I remember the Olympics, they said that some of the hurdles were made out of goat bones and stuff. I mean, they didn't. These people were putting shit together. You know, I remember, you know, some of the places where people, Olympians were sleeping were just other people's houses. They just sent them to like a rich person's house and hoped that the rich person would let them stay. Like, that's crazy. It's not crazy. I mean, that's crazy. It's not crazy. I mean, it's just, it's not crazy. It's one of the things that comes with a third world nation,

man. So if you're over there and people don't have anything to eat, you know, if you take a woman out on a date and the best y'all can even get is maybe a, you know, a bowl of fish soup or something to share and y'all are sharing just some salmon soup and, you know, then the feelings that you give her, the emotions that you give her, those are going to be a bigger, a big commodity. You know, where you get over in the first world,

you get over in LA or Birmingham, Alabama or some of these fancy spots and these women don't give a shit about the feelings, you know, and not all of them but when you get into these higher money areas that's when they care about the Lamborghinis and the Vivici dresses and the Vivaldi designer bags

and all of this shit. So you're over there where a hot commodity is feelings and time. And I'm actually, I'm envious of you, man. Because it sounds like you have an L.A. mindset, but you have it over there in a place where people want to be attached. And you know, we're living here in America where we want, I think a lot of people want a little bit more attachment. So if you don't care about her, maybe you then let her go if she's getting too attached.

Think about it like this. Say you are allowed to fish somewhere. And they say, yeah, you can catch the fish and you can enjoy them. You could hug them by the bank and touch them if you want. You can be wild with them. And you have fun. You tell the fish right when you catch it, you know, I'm just going to keep you here by the bank with me,

and it's just going to be fun. Then you throw the fish back in the water. What do you think that fish is honestly going to do? You've been over there snuggling with that fish, and licking its sides, and touching its gills, and y'all been getting to know each other for weeks. This is a fish that's been living underwater, and here it is breathing air, breathing air next to another being, a human, but still another being.

You think that fish is going to swim off, not care? No, it's not going to, especially a third-world fish, man, where affection and time are commodities so you add that those things into the fact that eastern european women are 70 or 58 or 65 psychopath or pretty edgy mentally edgy dude that's fire right there you are flirting with fire so if you're over there getting your dick burnt, I'm not surprised, bud. What advice do I have for you? At a certain point, you got to commit.

Otherwise, just quit. At a certain point, you probably have to commit or you need to be more stern in the beginning and let them know what the scenario is. But don't get angry at them. And if they invite you to a birthday party, get a damn present, dude. Go out there. You might meet somebody at a birthday party. That's a special event. They got cake and they might have camel or not pony rides or whatever you guys have over there. Moscow mules.

You could probably do anything. Who knows what they're even eating over there. A birthday, somebody probably only lives to about 11 or 12 in Ukraine. Go over there and celebrate. 15% of their life, they're inviting you. Go enjoy that. Be a part of something. So I appreciate you calling, man. And I feel you, you know, if you don't want to be involved.

But feel, feel, feel, feel, sorry, feel thankful because they got men over here looking for some action, looking for love. And these women are offering it to you. Um, so at least treat the women with some gratitude, you know, enough that they care. Uh, but good luck, man. Good luck to you. And I appreciate you calling in their international. All right, let's get another one right here. Let's see where we're at. Time was about 40 minutes. And thank you guys for paying attention and being involved.

I'm also considering this Patreon where we do some, maybe we do special episodes each week or something like that. But I'm considering Patreon or Patreon. I'm in this motel and I just heard my neighbor. I think they're pissed off at me. I don't blame them. I mean, I'm the dude who's chatting about, you know, Ukrainian, you know, dating habits through the walls at 319 in the morning. All right, here's another. This was a text that came in. Dio, what's up, man? This is Andrew from Iowa. Huge fan of all your stuff. I look forward to your podcast every week. So I have the situation I want to talk to you about. I've been seeing this girl. We have hooked up four times. Every time we end up going for it for about an hour. Wow. You're having sex for an hour, dude. Well, that's your problem right there. If you give a woman an hour. Wow. You're having sex for an hour dude. Well that's your problem right there. If you give a woman an hour of sex.

They're going to want more sex dude. My move. Give a woman. Seven or eight minutes of troublesome. Awkward sex. And then. They might not want it again. So.

I want to consider that. Just to kind of slow down the pace you're on. This is only the second girl I've had relations with. And the same thing happened the two times I hooked up with the first girl. So I know the answer to this is to stop jerking it. But I wanted to ask you how you get to sleep when you are abstaining from masturbation. I've gotten into the routine of jerking it and falling asleep real fast. I'm sober now, so booze is not an option. I really want to quit the masturbation so I can have better sex. Thanks, dude. Andrew, I appreciate you reaching out from

Iowa. I've had some good times in Iowa. I visited the Field of Dreams there, the actual one from the movie site, from the movie filming, it's there. And it's a nice thing to see if you drive through Iowa. I also had a good chicken fried steak there. But let me answer your question. You can't finish sexually. So if you sexually, you aren't finishing,

so what, bro? Huh? So what, dude? I have sex sometimes and don't finish. You know, you're not wrong for that. You don't have to finish every time. Have you ever started playing basketball and then it rains? Guess what, dude? You didn't finish, bro. Now, if you're jerking off right before bed and that's your issue, then the problem is you have all that energy. You need to get rid of that energy throughout the day.

And you have to get out and play hoops or get some kettlebells or kick a ball around the yard, do soccer with the neighbor, or find some way to get that energy out of you. Go to the gym. You know, if it's mental energy and that's what's causing you to jerk out and to skeet up, then you need to, you know what I do? Sometimes I'll watch car accidents on the Internet, you know. That'll sometimes help me tone down. I'll burn something in the bathroom sink, you know, burn an old shoe or some piece of paper, you know, that'll sometimes help me tone down. I'll burn something in the bathroom sink.

You know, burn an old shoe or some piece of paper. You know, something to get that edge off of me. You know, something to let the devil out. Because what's happening to you is, you're feeling like you have to ejaculate to get that devil out of you. That's not true. You can get that devil out of you by some other way. You could chop a tree down. You could dig a hole in the yard, put something in there, you know, do a time capsule. You could just go for a run. You could lift weights, but you could watch karate, watch old adult karate on the internet. They got senior

citizen karate. You know, it kind of, it's exciting, but it's not too violent where it makes me scared to go to bed. But it helps take some of that nervous energy out of me, watching that attack, you know, those attack moves. So anyhow, I hope that answers your question. But don't feel bad if you're not spraying out during sex, man. You don't have to. Okay, that's something you see in pornography. You don't have to. Okay, that's something you see in pornography. You don't have to spray out.

But I commend you on being sober. And if you think, it sounds like you're answering your question for you. You know, you're answering your own question. You know, you said, so I know the answer to this is to stop jerking it. And that probably is the overall answer, is to take that time away. You'll be more involved and you'll actually get the release from where it's supposed to come from.

Another human. But if it's anxiety, if it's that devil in you, and if it's that mental nut, that k you know, that, that when you feel that devil just gearing up in your heart and in your rectum and in your crotch, then you need to find a way to let that out. And that I think is, is doing the gym or doing, watching car accidents online or doing, watching adult karate or, you know, um, doing ping pong. I don't do yo-yos or any of that kind of shit. That shit's boring.

I think a yo-yo, but anyhow, uh, good luck to you, man. And best of, uh, best of love and luck to you out there. Um,

as you backing off that, uh, that skeet and focusing on heaven, um, naturally E E E E jacks at the end of sex. But don't feel bad if you don't. And I appreciate you calling, man. I appreciate you sharing this.

Or not calling, but sharing this text with us. All right, man. Let's check in one more. Here we go. And this is one that I want to leave us on here, man. This guy, he had some thoughts, dude, and I really liked them. And I want to end us on this here. Let me see if I can find this.

Here we go. Right here. Let's go. Yo, Theo, what up? My name's Ben. A white dude from the suburbs of New York City. White dude from the suburbs of New York.. White dude from the suburbs of New York. You hear that?

We got a newsie on the line, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for calling, Ben. This is a response to your future predictions. And Ben's calling about the future. He called it about two weeks ago, I think, and we were talking about the future and things like that. And I want to get back into some of that. And I'm going to use this call to lead us there.

I want to know what you guys think about. And I'm going to use this call to lead us there. I'm going to want to, I want to know what you guys think about what Ben says here. Here we go. I think what's coming 10 years from now, there's going to be a big cultural meltdown. I feel between what it means to be a man and a woman from my generation. Okay. So Ben's saying what it means to be a man and a woman from his generation.

Cultural meltdown. Here we go. Because right now there's a whole bunch of blurred lines and all that, and it's just getting crazy right now. A lot of blurred lines right now. I agree. Or at least, yeah, I agree. But the fact is I saw a stat yesterday on Snapchat saying, you know,

3 million more women are graduating from college every year than men. The result of that is going to be, you know, major income inequality coming up. And when it comes time to raise a family and stuff, you know, my generation is pretty lost in terms of what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman. So he's saying that, he's saying that there will be 3 million more women a year graduating college than men into a generation where already there's a very blurred line of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman.

This is interesting. And I looked that up up and he's right. According to different studies, there appears to be more women graduating college and enrolling in college than men. Onward. The roles that we have to play. And I just don't think that we're ready for that. Going from being completely lost of what it means to be a man, a woman, to being thrown into the hard position of being the reliant spouse. Let's back it up for one second so we get all of what he said. I shouldn't have interrupted that. Here we go.

The family and stuff, my generation is pretty lost in terms of what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, the roles that we have to play. And I just don't think that we're ready for that, going from being completely lost of what it means to be a man, a woman, to being thrown into the hard position of being the reliant spouse in a marriage. And I think that's going to cause major cultural turmoil. And, you know, who knows what the result of that is going to be. So yeah, 10 years from now, I think that's going to happen.

Wow. You hear that? He's saying in 10 years, within 10 years, the effects of that are going to be really wild. that are going to be really wild when women, when more women are the, the reliant bread earners in families and in relationships and in marriages than men and just overall, you know, I mean, that's scary to me. I mean, it is scary. Um, I don't think it's scary because women will be, uh, the ones making more money. It's scary because I worry about what effect that might have on a man, on the psyche of a man. Are we moving too fast for our psyches to

be able to handle it? You know, I mean, there's something intrinsic in a man where you want to be the provider, where you want to be the one who's bringing home the ducats, stacks on stacks. And now it's going to be women. It's going to be women who are doing this in 10 years. That's what he theorizes. So I'd love to know what some of you guys' thoughts are. Do you agree on this? I'm going to put it out on an episode on Thursday evening that's just about this. What do you think? What do you think about what he has to say here? Do you think this is true? Do you think that's wild? Do you worry about that?

I mean, in 10 years, I mean, I grew up with just a single mother. So it's like, I was used to my mother being the breadwinner, but would it have been different if I had same age parents or similar, and then that mom is making all the money and the dad is dealing with the feelings of that? Or is that just going to be commonplace where, you know, the, the, the fact that men feel like they need to be, that is going to start to disappear, that that's just an old, an old feeling that, you know, that we don't need to have anymore. Almost like the appendix, you know, for, we, you know, there's theories that at some point the appendix was necessary for man, but that now it's just this piece in your body that gets

infected sometimes when you're playing little league baseball and you have to go to the hospital immediately. So what's it going to be, man? Because that could be startling. And are these women going to want to be, are they just going to be the breadwinners and then still want to be mothers? Are they going to be insane, aggressive feminists? One thing I notice about a lot of aggressive feminists, they're not mothers.

They don't have any children. You know, you look at a lot of these, you know, like these extreme pro-Hillary feminists during the election stuff. A lot of them, the celebrity ones that I see, not mothers, don't have any biological children of their own. Does that play a role? Is that where we're headed, where women don't want to be carrying babies anymore? They just want to be breadwinners? I don't know. And what will men feel like?

What are we going to feel like? When you come home, your wife's got all the, got all the cash and she's, you got to ask her for money. Men might just be like, this is fucking awesome. You know, maybe it's time for us to take, you know, that, that side seat and let women do it. Are we still going to feel sexually attracted to those women? You know, um, will the, will, are we headed towards a gender war 200 years from now? Can Wonder Woman defeat Al Bundy from Married with Children? A lot of questions out there. But I love that.

I love that final question there. And that was by? Yo, Theo, what up? My name's Ben. That was Ben. And that's from Mount Kisco area. And that's New York, outside of the city. And I love that. I love that he called. And I appreciate that. It's a great question, man. It's a great question. And we're going to leave it there. And that's something that you guys can call in and comment on this week. And I'm gonna try to put up a special about that on Thursday. That's going to be the goal. And also we're considering Patreon or Patreon, where we do something special for listeners each month. It's kind of a subscription-based service. I just want to know what you think about this.

It's something I'm considering just so that I can get into like a regular type of studio space, maybe get us a little bit better camera and just have a producer that's helping constantly. I'm fortunate enough right now, I got this guy Sherb who brings us into his studios over on Inconscious Studios. I got a guy Adam who helps give me advice. I got a guy Chris and my buddy Ken Highland and Chris Mako.

I got guys helping out, but I'd love to be able to, things cost money. I'd love to be able to create a system that's a little bit stronger, but also I don't want to damage what we have going on. I'm grateful to you guys for calling in. You can also feel free to call in and hit the hotline with any other issues or problems.

Whatever's going on, man. You got something in your brain, something in your heart. Drop it in there, you know. And I appreciate it, man. And if I can relate at all, I will share my experience. Or if you hit me with a stomper and you got my brain going, then I'm going to share it like we did here just now with Nick. Because that's wild to think that in 10 years, women could have all that money. And has that just changed the dynamic of what it means to be in a relationship and what it means, how that fits.

Can we still be a man if we're not the breadwinner? Can you still feel like a man? I mean, it's hard to feel like one now. I don't know if it's hard to feel like one, but it's hard to feel like you can express that you're one. But also I think some of that's just America. I hope it is. And hopefully it's just a phase that we're going through and some of that's just America. You know, I hope it is. And hopefully it's just a phase that we're going through. And some of this evens out because I think we should all be able to have the true joy of, of whatever our gender is, you know, or even if you're gender neutral, you should be able to have that joy, whatever that is, you know, I don't think somebody has to win. And that's what I don't like about some of the feminism. It's like they have to win.

Why do you have to win? You don't have to, you're not beating men. Okay? Equality means that we're all trying to figure it out and working together. And some things I don't want to be equal, you know, because some things aren't for debate. Some things aren't, they're not something you can equate, you know. I still want women to be women and men to be men because I think that's a beautiful little puzzle that we've been trying to put together for centuries. And I don't want us to stop that, you know. And I think that's nature. That's how nature works. That's how nature works, man. So, and I love that, man. I'm a Romeo and Julietter. You

know that, but I thank you guys for calling in this week, man. I'm gonna leave us out here. I'll see you guys next weekend at Calusa casino. And then I will see you coming up soon. Nashville. If you have any friends in Nashville, July 7th and 8th, send them out, man. I'm excited for that weekend. It's going to be a lot of fun. Alright, here we go, man, on the way out. Thank you guys for hanging out on this past weekend. It's called Drift Apart

by Epidemic Sound. epidemic sound. Are we drifting apart, man, as men and women? I don't know. I didn't see it that much in, you know, you get out of Los Angeles, you get into like Pittsburgh, and it's still,

you see a lot of women wanting to be women and men wanting to be men. So that's nice to see. It's also nice to know there's a lot of empowered women out there who feel, you know, that it's more of a team effort sometimes. And men who recognize that. That's important. It's called drift apart, man. Damn, we drifting apart in this world, bro. But I still believe that there's ways not to.

And I still believe at the core that people are good people. We just got to spend time with them in real time, and we got to figure it out. But we keep showing up. We move onward. We'll get it done, man. We'll get there. I hope we'll get to a good place.

I'd love to know what you guys think, man. Hit me up on the hotline. Have a great week. Take care of yourself. Because you probably deserve it, man. You know, be good to yourself because I bet that you deserve it. Y'all have a good one. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories,

and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, it's me. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Do you know what I mean? I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.