This Past Weekend - #601 - Dusty Slay

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

Dusty Slay is a stand up comedian from Opelika, Alabama. Check out his new special “Wet Heat” streaming now on Netflix, and his podcast “We’re Having a Good Time”.  Dusty joins Theo to talk about growing up in a semi-Laotian trailer park, selling pesticides in Charleston, and why he’s hunkering down in an orchard before AI takes over the world.  Dusty Slay: https://www.instagram.com/dustyslay/?hl=en  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at ⁠https://comet.perplexity.ai/⁠  Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Blue Chew: Go to http://bluechew.com to get your first month of BlueChew FREE with promo code THEO!  Rocket Money: Go to http://rocketmoney.com/theo to cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Ship Station: Sign up for your free trial at https://shipstation.com/THEO  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

into crypto or your next ones you know uh everyone is health hacking these days biohacking people want to live forever i was at a four-year-old's birthday party the other day he said he wanted to live to be 1100 i'm like dang buddy if you if you are going to live that long you're going to need to keep your n-d levels replenished that's what i'm talking about n-d i'm sure you've been hearing about it. And between the ages of 30 and 70, your NAD levels drop off by 65%. NAD, it's considered the battery pack of your cells. Yeah, you want to keep your cells restored. You want to keep them refreshed. That's why there's true niogen. Yep, true niogen. It's real fountain of youth vibes, man. It's a science-backed way to age better. It's clinically proven to boost your NAD levels by up to

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didn't wasn't helping me figure out how to talk to him or whatever We have a Bobby Collab that is loose now on TheoVonStore.com. You can check it out, and we sprinkled in some other new items and restocked some old classics. Again, it's TheoVonStore.com, and thanks so much for your support. More there. Today's guest is a comedian from Opa Laika, Alabama. He has a new special out on Netflix called Wet Heat. Wet Heat.

He has his own podcast called We Are. having a good time. I'm very thankful to spend time today with Mr. Dusty Slay. Yeah. Well, what's the, what's the lightning bolt? I don't know. It's probably weather. I mean, they're doing all that weather seating now.

Yeah. That's true. Maybe he's involved in that shit. He could be. I wouldn't be surprised. Get the record deal now. He looks like he definitely, he looks a little humid sometimes. Yeah.

I'm saying how he looks. I do know. Yeah. Yeah. But you look great, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, good to see. Congratulations on the new special.

Thank you. Yeah, I'm pumped. I mean, it feels good. I'm... Your third one. You're kind of your third one? Kind of, yeah, I got a half hour. But these are, yeah, both self-produced, wet heat and working, man. So it's fun to, you know, Netflix is not like, hey, we're going to give you a special. I have to film it and then sell it to them. Yeah. So it feels good that they're buying it. And you do the work, man. I saw you were trending yesterday or the day before on Netflix.

That had it feel good. Yeah, it felt good. I hit seven. And that was, you know, last time I think I hit two. No way. But seven is still good, though. I like seven. Well, a lot of people are still really stuck in that missing woman off the cruise ship. Oh, okay.

And it's hard to go up against that. Yeah, because they put a special up against TV. So if you watch a full season of a show, then that's like, you know, each episode is a watch. We have to watch a special over and over again to get that kind of. You're lying. I think that's how it works. Yeah. Like, if you're watching Seinfeld, every episode is a watch.

Yeah. And most people watch a comedy special one time. Oh, if someone's watching it more than one time, they're not, yeah, I think they're probably kidnapped or whatever. They're not doing that. They're locked in my basement. Yeah, that's a great point, dude. And they're also called my wife. That's another person, dude.

Dude, you know what I was thinking yesterday? Dude, they don't have any more, there's not a lot of cross-eyed people anymore. Yeah, you don't see it a lot. Maybe glasses are fixing it. But yeah, you don't see it. Were you part of like that cross-eyed realm or whatever? No, no, I mean, I don't think I was ever cross-out. I might have been in the realm. Yeah. Because I remember people with an eye, you know, there'd be. Now, I got some land out in McMinnville, and I went into a, I wondered, I thought it was a thrift store. It turned out to be a museum. And the guy had a bad eye. You know, I think he had a glass eye.

I think he was excited I was in there Oh yeah Because he didn't have anybody to tell stories to He talked to me for a long time That's beautiful So they are still out there They're just in They're hidden away

And that's McMinville Tennessee Yeah McMill Tennessee I've been there Is there a nice community? It is nice I got a little laying there I got a little cabin Where I'm trying to build an orchard

But McMinville feels real tucked away It's a good bit off the interstate Wow that's beautiful looking Yeah mountain town I got a lot of kayaking A lot of Really? Yeah

That's the nursery capital of the world, I said. Because of what, just birth rate or whatever? No, like trees, like plant nursery. Oh, damn, brother. Hell yeah. No, I'm from Opelike, Alabama. Oh, okay, sorry, you're from Alabama. But I got, you know, I just, during COVID, I was, I don't know what was happening.

I had a little money. So I bought 10 acres of land. Oh, yeah, God. And I was like, if we never get to go back out to stores again, I want to walk around some pasture land. Yeah. you know and mcmendville i mean i walked into a restaurant there with a mask on and that place was packed and i don't think they had ever seen a mask and i was like well that's what i'm talking about yeah i ripped it off i mean i was like this is this is freedom out here yeah oh you

got to yell f*** it right when you pull it off you know just to let people know oh he didn't mean the mask exactly like he may he may have gotten the shot but they'll never get the uh homophobia out of Yeah, right. They'll never shake that. Yeah, I mean, he may end up cross-eyed again. Oh, dude, yeah. Because sometimes a cross-eyed guy looks like somebody that wants to yell a racial slur

but just won't let it out. Like if he did, it would just fix his fucking sight. Yeah, I mean, then you don't know who he's looking at when he says it. That's true. That's true, dude, so it could be aimed at anybody. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. But, yeah, you don't see it anymore. I just remember when I was a kid, you would see more of that.

Didn't you think you saw more of that? Yeah, I felt like there was like, always like a slower class when I was in high school where you would see them come through the hallway and you sometimes some of them you were like I don't know why they're in there and others you could clearly see why they were in there oh yeah I feel like there would be a guy with real thick glasses and you would not know what he's looking at yeah oh yeah just like he almost like he should have worked for a submarine but they discontinued him when they like made the technology or whatever yeah yeah like oh he should be the one on top of the sub holding his

breath. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, totally. Bro, the first wig of they ever had in our town, they put in learning disabled, man. And I've talked about, I actually talked about that on stage, but shut out Brian Purvis. He's put some money on his books, actually. He's, uh, he didn't do it. He might have done it, but he's in, I think he's in jail now, but they'd never seen a white kid that wanted to be black and they threw him in there. Oh, yeah. That's too bad. The guy just had some style and some flair about him. Yeah. Yeah. But he would just be in the hole like doing and like invisible crossovers on all the other hand. So he was just like playing like just full court offense against the rest of the...

He probably liked that he was in there. He's like, this is easy. This is a dream for me. He probably did, man. So far to get to the back of the bus. Yeah, yeah, true, dude. Yeah, man, I just, there was times I remember you see that. Like I just remember there used to be more disabilities that were normal, I felt like, normalized.

Yeah, you know, like maybe. Maybe they just didn't know where to put people, right? So they were just wandering around and, you know, I grew up in a trailer park. So I felt like there was a little bit of that in the trailer park. Oh, yeah. You never knew if somebody was just like, you know, real redneck, real country or if they're just, you know, they got a speech impediment. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, dude, even the name Dusty, I mean, I remember there were names that were kind of, I don't want to say weather related, but off like sunny.

Like a windy. Yes, sunny, windy, dusty. drizzle got into like the black kind of country group yeah yeah but there was all the was it was like uh misty did we say misty no we didn't yeah that was a big one misty was very popular misty felt like i know some misty so i don't want to talk traction but it felt like yeah it was like they were attractive but a little loose with it sometimes yeah yeah yeah definitely like they'd put their bra on but wouldn't snap it together in the back yeah they want yeah they wanted people to see it. Yeah. Oh, dude, misties were usually pretty cute, weren't they?

I think so. I can't think of an unattractive misty ever. I knew a few misties. That was kind of country hot, man. Yeah. I was kind of country hot. Maybe you get a little misty-eyed around them. Maybe that's why they named them that. Yeah, I'm trying to think, uh, yeah, sunny, dusty, misty. Oh, there was one more we had a girl, her, stormy. Oh, Stormy, yeah, yeah. We had a girl named Stormy Bernard that used to play volleyball in our town. And they didn't even have volleyball, but she told her, but she played it or whatever. Okay, yeah, she had good legs.

Yeah. Yeah. If you have good legs, it's believable that you play volleyball or softball. Yeah. That's believable. Girls with good legs and just a stoutness about them. Like an attractive stoutness. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, dude, I love that about growing up, like in a kind of a rural area. Because we weren't in a trailer park. We're just kind of like in a white, just like, it wasn't super redneck bus. It was just like kind of trashy. Yeah. And no judgment. Shout out to everybody from McGee Street.

But it just was what it was. You know, they know it. Nobody was fucking, nobody was pretending what was going on. Yeah, we had a trailer park. Our trailer park was like half Asian. We had a lot of lay ocean people in Opelika. So, yeah. So our bus stop was, you know, me and the Asian kids.

Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, it was fun. Dude, y'all should have made a music video or something. And that's beautiful. Yeah, it did seem exotic. As I got older, I felt like when I was getting off the bus with the Asian kids, it made me, it's like it felt like because you feel insecure about getting off at a trailer part.

But when it's with the other Asian kids, you feel like, well, you know, we got something going on here. Right. It's almost like, look, I'm here supporting them. It gives you that thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got, you know, I got a vibe. Yeah. You know.

God, we're doing something. You wouldn't even understand it. Yeah, you don't get what we got going on. Yeah. Oh, dude, yeah. If you had got off the Muslim, a bunch of Asian people, literally people would have thought, on my street, people would have thought that bus came from outer space. Like, they just didn't even, I'm sure it had to be like that by you.

Like, do you have Laotian friends there? Yeah, I mean, they were at my age. Yeah, we were friends. We hung out. One guy named Einoi. We used to hang out. Enoi, yeah. Yeah.

And we used to hang out. We were, and there was others, you know, there was a guy named Chukiat. He was a little older than me. And then there was Hook. And then they had a sister named Sherry. Ooh, Sherry's pretty hot. Yeah, Sherry was hot. Yeah, she was hot.

I had, I actually found. some pictures of Sherry that she gave me when she was, when I was a senior. It's probably here like her junior pictures. I found them in a notebook. Did you? I was like, wow, I still got these pictures of Sherry. That's nice, dude. Yeah. God, she sounds hot, dude. I, um...

Nambury. Namburi. Nambury. Namburi was the last name. Namburi? Yeah. Sherry Nambury. Yeah. God. Sign me up. Yeah. We had a girl named Treasure in our neighborhood, too, and she was hot. That feels oddly weather-related, like pirate ship. Like you're out on the waters, finding some treasure. Yeah, stormy, dusty, treasure.

All those are kind of... Rain, I didn't have any rains, but that's a name. Oh, yeah. That's a name. I know a country-ass rain lady that lives here. Oh, yeah? I know like a real country lady named Rain. What was that trailer park like, man?

How was the vibes over there? Was it pretty cool? It was awesome. I mean, I loved it. It was like on a dirt road, about 20 trailers probably. Some tucked away a little bit in the woods. And then on the front, like on the main... Street was houses. So we had some brick houses. Then behind those was some train. And then on the

end, two double wides. We had a, Enoi lived in one double wide. And then a guy, he went to a different school, nicknamed Squirrel. And that was my friend. He had an above ground pool. Oh. Yeah. So Squirrel had it going on. I mean, his parents were fighting all the time. But they were, you know, he had a stepdad named Sid. And Sid was always yelling at him. But you could fight all you won't when you're able to cool off in a damn above ground pool. Exactly. Fucking heat things up. Yeah, we would pull out the tarp and we had a slip and slide going, some dawn dish detergent,

huge tarp in his backyard. I mean, that was where it's at. Squirrel had it going on. Oh, well, it sounds like he was doing well. In our neighborhood, they had some dudes were over there smoking and getting BJs or whatever in an abandon above ground. Oh, yeah. So something had happened.

There'd been, I don't know what it had happened, but something had happened. It could have been a gravity thing. It could have been domestic dispute. Somebody knifed it out or whatever. But the above ground, the water came out of it. Oh, yeah. And then over time or whatever, like men would hide from their wives over there and smoke a little weed or something at night or whatever, you know?

I always heard about that kind of stuff, like these kind of things going on. I never could get involved in that as a kid. Really? Yeah, I mean, I felt like I was like, you know, I was like a good kid. I never could get involved in that BJs and the above ground pool situation. Damn, brother. And maybe that's for the best, you know. I think it is.

It turned down, you know, because the cool kids in the trailer park life, they go to jail. They end up in jail. Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? Because they got, you know, they're getting into trouble and it seems cool. They're not a shirt on. They're tattooing each other. Yeah.

Yeah. But then they end up in jail. And you're like, oh, I'm glad I wasn't like as cool. Now, I was cool, but I was, you know, cool in the not getting. in trouble way. Yeah, you were like a lay ocean hero kind of. Yeah, because the lay ocean parents weren't letting that go down. They weren't involved in that either.

I don't even know that they liked them hanging out with me, to be honest. Wow, just because you were like, you were close enough adjacent to the other group. They didn't want you to be a gateway drug to. Yeah, and I was wearing bandanas and stuff, you know. I was like, you know, camouflage bandanas, not red or blue. Yeah, like Willie Robinson or whatever. Yeah. Is it Robertson?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, more like that. You know what? I'll be honest with you. I always put a tea in there unnecessarily. And it may have, it may have, they may have gotten rid of it. Who knows? A lot of people are trying to hide from taxes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They're like, oh, no, no, no. This is Willie Robertson. I'm Roberson.

Yeah, now I'll admit we look, we look simpler. Yeah. I'll tell you straight up, man. I'm Roberson. Are you too hot or cold? No, I feel great. Okay, great. Perfect temperature, really.

Feels good. Thanks. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I'm wearing, I'm trying to a different shirt on. Trying to look a little different some days. There's a lot of times I don't feel like doing, I want to stay in a similar pattern. I don't want to try something super new. But then every now and then, maybe three times here, I'll get up and like, I'm going to try something different today.

Okay. You know, and so I thought I would try this. Yeah. shirt kind of. Those kind of shirts are hard for me. I feel like the nips always come through for me. Oh, really? Yeah, this is working here. You're a strong nipple? I guess so. I guess I do. Yeah. I don't feel like it all the time, but if I wear a real thin, like I used to wear thin shirts for work. And yeah, I could feel like I need the undershirt. Yeah. Ooh, the undershs, I never got into the undershirt. I was a big undershirt guy. You were? Yeah. What took you

that. Well, I guess she just told me. Well, I feel like undershirts were the thing for a while. Even T-shirts. And when I was in school, we would wear two T-shirts. Oh, that's crazy. You never, well, you grew up in Louisiana. It's a bit hotter there. That's true.

But you already had a shirt on to flex and be like, oh. Because in our neighborhood, we had people with no shirts on. Oh, yeah. So to be like, I'm going to wear two shirts. Yeah. And some guys like, you know. It looked like you took his shirt. Well, it just fucking.

He didn't know a lot of. of math, but I'll tell you this, that didn't add up. Or either he was like, you hold my shirt. If I need it, I'll come to you. But don't wrinkle it. Keep it on. Yeah. Yeah, I do remember in the neighborhood, like in our neighborhood, like if you got good grades, like that kind of shit wasn't cool really. You didn't want to be like too smart. You didn't want, you know, you kind of just had to play the game of like fitting in, but not fitting too in. Yeah, you know, my dad would make fun of me for reading, but also wanted me to make good grades. And I was like, I got, it's one of the other here. You can't make fun of me for doing the homework and go, why are you not passing? Oh, you can't

have your C-A-K-E and eat it too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if you spell in front of him, he wouldn't get it. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, he would make, my dad has said, I've heard my dad say, I ain't never read a book. He likes that. It's a brag for him. Yeah. And I'm not a big reader, but I've read a book you know yeah dude oh in our neighborhood it was like if somebody could whistle really good they had fucking clout you know oh yeah like oh fucking get donnie over here you can fucking here get him over here and you somebody would go get donnie and he'd come down on his bike and he you know he's an adult with a bike yeah but he'd get there and he'd pull up and he fucking have half a can of beer and then he'd whistle you know it's the weird talents yeah it's like you got it you got a little

something yeah there was just something like but i think it was just like what it was like that was just the energy around you know it was just kind of calm people doing stuff it was just pretty basic back then yeah like even just have like squirrel had laser disc and i remember that my mom worked at a plant that made VHS tapes oh god so i told my mom that squirrel had laser disc and she got real mad at me because i guess i came home bragging about the stuff that squirrel had at his house and Laserdisc was a potential threat to her income. To your family. Yeah.

You're down there on the other double wide. Yeah. Look, swimming in an above ground pool watching Laserdisc. Living high on the hog. Yeah. God. Yeah. Meanwhile, my mom wasn't yelling at me like Squirrel's mom was, but I'm like, these things

seem cool. Yeah. I could take a little yelling for a few perks. Oh, yeah, for sure, dude. Oh, my big thing was peeing on the floor in my room. I remember when I was a kid. That was like one of my big tricks or whatever. Like, I never could whistle.

And then I'm trying to think of what else happened. Oh, what would peeing on the floor give you? Just fucking. Being like, I can do whatever I want. Yeah. Like, my mom can't do nothing. I'll pee in the floor if I want. Okay.

We'll show them, huh? You can't be in the floor at your trailer or your house, but I can. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, I think there was a part of me that thought, like, one day I'm going to have my whole room fucking collapse right into the fucking living room and I'll show all these motherfuckers. Oh, yeah.

Like an alien spaceship just landing, you know? Oh, yeah. What else? Yeah. Oh, I remember my buddy's dad got his wife, so my buddy's mom, got her a window, like their window had been out for a while, and he got him a window,

and he put it in upside down, right? So it was like, fuck. But it wasn't coming out. So you just let it down like that. You let it down. Like it's a car. Yeah. It wasn't bad, but it was just...

He might be sitting out there with his arm propped up on it like he's riding in the truck. Yeah, he just leans into the house like, how you doing, but... Misty's out in the yard, he's letting it down. Yeah, dude, shit like that, just regular shit. I've just been in here peeing in the floor. Yeah. Hold on. Let me put a cork in my wiener, and I'll come out there and take a look at that new. That's fucking damn. That thing works with gravity at window, huh? That's different. Yeah. That's the way.

It really is. Because the old way where you push the window up, you're defying gravity. Yeah. That's damn wizardry. Most guys enter the room weiner first. Yep. Cork first. You heard it. Blue chute. helps. Blue chew isn't just a tablet, it's a cheat code for your crotch. Stronger, harder, longer,

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turn them into loyal customers with cheaper, faster, and better shipping. Go to shipstation.com slash T-H-E-O to sign up for your free trial. There's no credit card or contract required, and you can cancel at any time. That's shipstation.com slash Theo. Yeah, man. There was just stuff like that about growing up. Was it real poor by you or did it feel organized? Did anybody have that trailer with the lattice work around the bottom of it? Well, I think we all had 10.

I mean, I got to think somebody had lattice. But, you know, our trailer we had 10 around it. Okay, but you did have that skirt on it. Yeah, we had it covered. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's actually not bad right there.

That looks good. Yeah. But, you know, then cats can get in there and have babies under the trailer. Oh, with that lattice word? Yeah, they could squeeze their little head under there, and then they get in there and they start tearing out your insulation, and they have babies up in there. God, damn. You just hear a lot of meowing all the time. Oh, too.

Well, also, a lot of those baby cats are the asbestos or whatever, which they're, you know, because a lot of them get up in that insulation like you're saying. They get that asbestos on them. And then you let them in the trailer, now you're all itchy. Oh, dude. I would notice I'd pet a cat about 40 times in my hand would have little cuts on it. Oh, yeah. You could give a cat allergy. Oh, dude.

The asbest of cats needs to be a group of cats that save a fucking trailer product. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could line the cats up as insulation if they got enough. Just put a little bit of tuna paste on the walls in there and have them in there. Yeah. God, yeah, there was something. They had lattice work. I remember that was one good thing you would see.

Dude, somebody, we had a balcony or whatever. We lived in like it was like four. apartments next to each other and they somebody stole our bat would steal the wood from our balcony right oh yeah and so like just wood they had laying up there or like oh you're railing oh they'd steal at all if you can find that photo it's out there somewhere so we come back sometimes and my sister each one of the bedrooms had like a door upstairs that would go out to the balcony right and it didn't get you anywhere we was still in our neighborhood we thought like you know I remember the first time going up there you go right there now zoom in on

Oh, they took your whole porch. Oh, fuck, yeah, they did. But then you'd see it, you know, three weeks later, you'd see they'd have built a fucking fence or something in their shit. And we're like, bitch. You're like, that's the color of my porch. Yeah, that's our fucking balcony, bitch. And I'm like, no, it ain't.

Like, motherfucker. Who do you think carved God help us into one of those boards? Yeah. With my initials under it. That's why you got to pee in your room You can't go out on the balcony anymore I mean shit Zoom back at it on if I had looked at this in years

But yeah dude People would fucking steal the wood And they would steal We had a fence right in front of that bottom door Downstairs And so people would steal that shit So you'd have to go fucking find it My mom slapped a kid one time

Because they took it And she had to go to jail We had a barn My dad had a barn And we used to We would take wood off the barn To build a clubhouse Oh yeah

And we thought the barn was abandoned. And my dad went out there one day. He's like, where's all the wood? And then he sees our clubhouse. Dude, imagine having such a shitty childhood that you think part of your fucking home is abandoned. You're like, well, fucking that's a band. He's like, that's where I work. You're like, oh, my bad.

That's crazy, dude. Yeah, but the trailer park that I lived in, it did feel good. It felt organized. It felt, you know, but there was, you know, there was, for a while, my sister lived next door to us in a trailer. So we had a trailer, my sister and her husband had the next one, and she married in to a guy who had two kids already. So there was, you know, a bunch of kids. We had our own little courtyard there in the middle. Oh, that's nice.

And it kind of sounds like. And then people, my mom had a phone and people would come over and borrow the phone, you know, landline. Oh, yeah. So it'd have that long cord. And so people would be out on the back porch on the phone with the door close. It's like they still want privacy, even though they're using my phone. Hey, look, we're going to listen. If you came over here, we're going to listen.

Yeah. Oh, dude, things like that were so much fun. Well, one thing that money gets you is privacy. Or even just like, that's one thing I even saw. I think when I was young, like when you were poor, everything was right there. You could hear the neighbors, you know, in the apartment, somebody else would cook something. It would come through your events. Oh, yeah.

So you're hungry and you're like, fuck, they got all that shit. And now you're yelling through the vint, you know, fuck y'all, you know, but order, you know, but also ordering like a number seven or whatever, you know. So, you know, it's just like, but you would hear if somebody was doing something bad or whatever. If somebody was domestic dispute, you would hear all of that. Yeah, my buddy, his mom, he lived next door. His mom had him when she was real young. So she was like, you know, we were like, you know, early teens. and she was still pretty attractive.

And her and her husband, her boyfriend, I heard them like having sex. And their trailer wall is real thin. So I could hear it out in the yard. And I was like, me and my buddy, not the buddy that was his mom, but another guy were like creeping up to the, and my mom's out there raking the yard.

She's like, get away from there. But we're like, you know, we're like, this is pretty fun. Yeah, what's happening? Yeah, we're hearing this attractive lady have sex. God. Middle of the day. Oh, yeah.

That was like, you know, that could have been, And Cinemax for us. Oh, dude, you don't just get something like that unless God has favor. Yeah. I don't think anyway. That's not an accident. First of all, two people comfortable enough to make love. And was it drug-induced, do you think?

At least alcohol-induced. Okay. So, but yeah, but at least two people making love during the day. And neither one of them is a victim of something. And they're being loud. Yeah. They're brave then. It's like, you know we can hear.

it. My mom's doing yard work out. We're into it, though. We're like, this is what I'm talking about. Well, what if you don't really figure out? And you see your mom just rubbing the, like, the rake across the ground, and it's like, oh. And you're like, what is she? What kind of new grass is that?

She just keeps raking. I'm like, you're like, you're working too hard. She's like, I enjoy it. She's trying to cover for them. She's over there Sorry, man And I was just a laugh at the mic That's hilarious, dude

Yeah, I just look like There was always something great About being in like in a shitty neighborhood Kind of You know Because everybody was right If you wanted a friend They were right there

They were everybody Everything was right there But then also All the drama and the bullshit Was right there Like if people were fighting If people were like You know

The dad was leaving everything was right there so everybody knew everything you couldn't it kind of was sad sometimes because you didn't feel like anything was personal to you it there was nothing you could keep for yourself yeah does that make any sense you think or no i think uh living in trailers you're at least spread out a little bit whereas apartments yeah you would be right up i mean because i've lived in apartments since then but yeah we called the police on a church one time for playing their music too late uh on a week day like the church was real close I still think about that, that we all agreed at the trailer to call the police on the church.

It couldn't have been that loud. I mean, we could just hear it. Yeah. It wasn't keeping us up. Right. But we were like, no, I don't think so, guys. God, this is, I mean, they need to turn that shit. Yeah.

That's all it starts. I mean, should they turn that down? Somebody else is like, somebody else's had a beer and they're like, well, fuck, yeah, they're music. I can't hear my music. Yeah, dude, it just gets weird. There's always talk like tornadoes is such a big thing with trailer parks. Was that a part of y'all's thing or not really? Well, I think any storm is scary when you live in a trailer, right?

It's like, you know, we were just talking like about weather and like what storm is the scariest. And somebody said earthquakes was the scariest for them. But I'm like, I grew up in a trailer. Earthquake was the least of our worries. There's nothing even really to fall on you. But it's tornadoes. Or tornadoes even when we grew up under pine. trees. We had a ice storm once that froze a tree limb and the tree limb fell and it stabbed

through the roof of the trailer. Oh, hell yeah. And hit a shelf. My mom had a bunch of ceramic owls on it and they went everywhere. Yeah, it's, it's heartbreaking. Yeah. That shit is heartbreaking. But so all weather. And so yeah, tornado. We had a tornadoes blow trees down on our trailer one time. Oh, well, down in Alabama, I think they have the worst trees. If a strong storm tornado does show up. Yeah. They literally have these tall ponds. You can't really do anything with them.

They drop pine cones or someone's fun around the holidays or whatever. But they're a million feet tall and literally just waiting to freaking kill somebody. Oh, yeah. Yeah, one fell across the trailer, another one fell on top of it. It's almost like they're doing a game like that like hands on the baseball bat. Like whoever gets to the top, you know? Hell yeah. It's like the pond.

They're just going to keep falling until somebody. And trailers are just right under. I mean, the tree weighs more. than the trailer does. Oh, there's more wood in the tree. Yeah. Than there is in the trailer. Oh, yeah.

It's like the tree is almost like, here, use us. We're right here. You're living in this aluminum. The tree's trying to help. Oh, God, dude. Yeah, that kind of shit just fucking. I'm trying to think of whatever else really got me. Oh, dude.

Well, one time when it froze, when there was a freezing in the South, it was a big thing. Huge deal. And one kid, I remember we had a basketball game, and it was a freezing, and we were playing like the rival town, and it froze, right? And it snowed at halftime. And it didn't snowed in our town in probably 30 years or something. And so people were fucking going crazy and fucking drinking Dr. Pepper really fast and just fucking amped up, you know,

and stealing gas from each other, that kind of shit. People were excited. And one kid, this kid Lucas had went outside in a icicle, I guess, had formed on a tree at some point and had fallen and hit him right under his fucking eye and messed his eye up really bad and his mom tried to like sue the city or whatever and all kinds of shit and she's like I remember she's like he was never the same and I knew that fucking kid for that he was never the same before it happened you know what I'm saying he was yeah the icicle didn't really mess up his path I think you didn't get it you didn't get a strong take on your son before that icicle

hit right oh it's easy to show up once there's a weather lawsuit, you know? Yeah, the city's like, we'll show us some of his accomplishments prior to this. Yeah, and he was just a downward stock out of the gate, I think, you know? I mean, he couldn't even fucking whistle, I remember. People were like, boo. But, yeah, there was something growing up in, like, in, like, a place that, like, I don't know. Shit like that was just fun, man.

Well, yeah, you just got, you got some character. There's not a lot going on. Yeah. You know, I mean, you know, we... You made the most of it. Yeah. I mean, we were just hanging. I mean, talk about pine cones.

It's like, we love pine cones. We used to throw them at each other. You built fires out of the pine straw, burn pine cones. Get a fresh pine cone that's not spread out. It's real hard. Oh, yeah. A lot of spikes on it. A virgin one or underage when some guys call them.

Yeah. Not like these old, old war-out, stretched out pine cones. Oh, yeah. Like a fresh green one. We'd throw rocks at each other. We'd ride the bike. I remember there were these girls riding bikes. up and down the, and we were throwing rocks at him.

Fuck yeah. And my buddy missed and hit me in the head. Oh, yeah. And I was bleeding. I started crying. There's no one to sue. Well, also, dude, that's another thing about being poor. There's no, who are you going to sue the other person?

Nobody has shit. No attorney is going to support either one of you guys. Dude, one time we're riding on the school bus and this kid Jason, and he came from a pretty shirtless family. Like, somebody got this shirt, but they had to, like, like, Like, not everybody got it or whatever. But he, on the bus that day, he's like, he found a rock that was pretty good. And he's like, I'm throwing this bitch today, you know?

He was just fired up or whatever because I think his birthday was coming up. And he's like, I'm throwing this motherfucker today. Somebody's going to get hit by this bitch. And he kept showing it to me. We kind of hung out in different little realms of school. They had, like, at our school, they had the Hick tree, prep tree. Blacks kind of went out wherever they wanted, kind of. and then hick tree prep tree and one other thing i think it was just like people that

listen to sound garden or whatever you know yeah like a yeah like a grunge yes yeah like a grunge thing and so anyway he was over by the hick tree and he's like and i would hang out over by the prep tree i just had more friends over there and at one point uh he had his rock he's all ready i forgot about it so at recess that day i'm fucking hanging out over there fucking rock comes hits me right of all the people. He didn't even aim at him. He just hum that bitch. Fucking took me right out. You were hanging out on the wrong tree that day. Yeah, but still. I'm like, dude, just fucking, I'm the only guy you know over there. And he probably was just throwing at the prep tree. 100%. He's just like, I want to hit somebody under the prep tree. They think they're better than me.

Totally. I want to hit people under the prep tree. That's my attitude. That would have been my, I didn't throw the rock, but, you know, My mindset was I'd like to throw a rock over there. Yeah, somebody's going to feel a little bit of my pain today, dude. And I had friends over there, too. Yeah. I had friends in the Hick tree, the prep tree, the black tree. I had friends under all of them. Yeah.

You know? God, dude. And I might even even remember they just bumming money off of some kids. Even the La Ocean tree. Yeah. They were all my friends. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, I met some good Laotians.

You know who's Laotian? There's a comedian named Lucas Seeley. Oh, I don't know Lucas. Lucas Sealy. He lives in Montana now, I believe. He took me up there to, they had a Montana comedy festival. We had a good time up there. But he's Laotian.

I met some decent Laotians over the years, and I'd love to meet more of them, to be honest with you. Well, Opalika's the spot. I think that's the Laosian of Alabama. Yeah? Laosian's not the country. Yeah. Oh, there you go right there.

Lucas Hill, I believe he is Laotian. He runs a, yeah, a lot of good food there. his family has a egg roll truck okay wet heat man that's what you're calling the special yeah wet heat

and it's I like the name because you don't know what the name might mean right you don't know it could be hey we're we're doing a 90 sitcom there's a little murder a little sex you don't know it could be a buddy cop film that takes place in Miami

but it's a weather joke wet heat, humidity. I go out to Phoenix, you know, and they're always like, oh, I'll go, it's real hot out here, and they go, yeah, but it's a dry heat, you know? And like their heat is better than my heat, right? And I get defensive and I go, yeah, but I like a wet heat.

So that's what I tell them. I like a wet heat. So that's why it's called that. I like it. It's a great special. Like I had another one called Working Man that's on Netflix now. It's very good. I think wet heat's better. I like that. I'm very pumped about it. I'm all about a full spack. I got a lot of callbacks. You know, I got a lot of things that

a couple of themes that come around a couple of times. And I like that. It's like a, you know, it's like a Pink Floyd album. The whole thing matters. Yeah, I watched about 15 minutes of it. And I enjoyed it, man. I like how I kind of get in. And then there's some spots where really just surprise, like I knew, you always know you're going to laugh most of the time. But there's some spots where I really just found myself just like, uh, um, surprise. I can't tell if it was the delivery. I don't know what it is. But just really enjoying it, man. Well, I appreciate that. And, you know, it's about 70 minutes. So if you watch it, 15 minutes at a time, you got, you got about, I don't know, I'm not good at math,

but maybe about four more settings. Yeah, I love that. You know? Oh, yeah, I can invite friends over and have it in installments. Yeah. Come over. Watch another 15 minutes of the special with me. Yeah, I was trying to think, because I don't know if I'm at the part, oh, I am in a part where there's a lot of urine in it and talking about peeing and growing up and how many times men pee or don't pee. Yeah, I mean, I got, you know, I got a lot of bodily functions in there, probably more so than any special I put out. But I like, you know, I just, I pee a lot. I drink a lot of water and I'm out here peeing. Yeah, and it's a wet heat. Yeah, it is a wet heat. How do you, pee is a wet heat. It's the ultimate weight heat. That's a, that's something I missed. That's

a theme I missed. Well, I won't even wear, I notice at night, honestly, Dusty. I won't even wear those tight underpants anymore because i don't it pushes on my bladder yeah i don't like that i didn't even think about this because i've been buying these kind of semi-tight undies or whatever and it it kind of you know it's tight the band up here's tight yeah and so then my bladder didn't even get to fully expand and hold a normal amount oh yeah and so all like twice in twice the night i have to get up extra just because i've chosen tight undies yeah you got to just get loose with it just let it free, you know. I want to almost make a good cotton undy because they say a lot of those

polyamorous or polymethylene underpants or whatever, the plastic's getting in people's nuts and everything. I'm all about 100% cotton. I wear 100% cotton underwear, these socks are not. Jeans are, sure it is, 100% cotton. I'm all about it. I like linen, wool, cotton. That's where I'm at these days.

Really? Not together, all on their own. Oh, yeah, I don't mix meats, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you don't want to blend it. That's crazy. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's where it's at, though. And I think, I got like a pee paranoia almost.

Like, if I'm getting on the plane, I'm like, no, I got to go pee because if I get on the plane and then I, we sit there for a while, I won't have, you know, because you get, if you board early, you sit down. That's a good point. And then by the time everybody else is boarded and then you take off, it's like, it's a long time to get to pee. There's no way to win that exactly. Yeah.

And then some flight attendant get goes in the bathroom and they're in there all day. I'm like, what are you doing in there? Sudoku. Yeah. We know it. Yeah. So, we know it. Yeah.

But yeah, it's like there is no way to leverage that perfectly where you, because yeah, if you get on early, then you have to wait all that time before you even leave. Whereas if you wait and pee and get on last, that's kind of nice. But then you have to wait all that whole time and that line. Yeah, I feel like sometimes I feel like I go. Now, I want to board at the end. I'm just going to chill, but I can't. I can't chill.

I'm like, no, I got to get on right now. I got to get on. Let's go ahead and get on. Yeah. There's a lot of, I don't want to call it anxiety because I'm not, I'm not anxious about it. But I'm like, nah, I could get on right now. I'm going to go ahead and do it. And then I'm on.

Yeah. Because anything out there, you see the gate agent. You see them, the gate agent, they're basically the St. Peter with a lot of times mental conditions, right? They don't fucking, they'll be like the gates closed, gates not closed. They'll be like, we're full, not, You know what I'm saying? You don't know how they're going to be feeling. And that, you know, they don't get treated well by people.

I realize that. But it must be a hard life. They don't seem happy. No. And then you, every time you go talk to them, they just do like this. They just do like this. They're just typing away. Like that cat, like that cat mean?

Yeah. They just type it away. And it's like, what are you typing? What are you typing back there? Oh, they're probably just typing down the F word over and over again. That's what I'd be doing, you know? I think anyway. I'm going to ask to see the screen.

What else? Oh, you sold pesticides. Is that true? Yeah, sold pesticides. I was a pesticide sale. I sold to Lowe's and Home Depot. That's what I did for years. I lived in Charleston, South Carolina.

Did you really do? I used to live on King Street. Oh, you live on King Street? I used above the Bay Bay Store for probably about eight months over there. Oh, amazing. I lived on Burns Alley, which is right off King. Was it over there by kicking chicken or something? Yeah, really close to kicking chicken.

God, it was so good. I used to tear the cake and chicken up. If it was good, God. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Yeah, I lived in Charleston for 10 years from 2003 to 2014. Great place. I loved it.

So that's where I started comedy, and I waited tables. Just kicking chicken right there. Yeah. But it used to be different. That must be another location. They had a downtown, like just a little. I think downtown's gone now, the downtown. downtown cake and chickens gone.

Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah. They had a little alley, and then they had that Harris Teeter over there. Was that there? Yeah. Yeah. Had that joint. And then I worked at a bar called O'Brien.

I think it was called O'Brien's. I think I remember an O'Brien. It was an Irish bar. On King Street. Yeah. Yeah, I think I remember that. And they had a band that played in there, like, once a week. It was a cover band.

And I would go listen to them. What was the cover band? I feel like there was like a Molly Janes or a Jane's. Ah, there was something like that. that they were there forever yeah dude i've tried to remember the name of that cover band for the past five years and i can't remember yeah they were there forever i remember here and then when i first moved there everybody was advertising them and then they were still going and they would play climb the safety about widespread panic and i would they played a lot of like songs

everybody knew like sing-alongs yeah but they also played climb to safety about widespread panic and i fucking loved it and one time they let me get up there and ring like a ring a little bell or something during. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, pre-Internet Charleston was like, I don't know, it was just great. It was like this nice little hidden city. I lived on Folly Beach for a while. Dude, Folly Beach, people would surf out there. Yeah. People would get surf angry out there. And she'd like, you dropped in on my wave and she'd be like, dude, what are you? I know. What is anybody talking about here? I know. I know. We were just supposed to be, yeah, I used to hang out on the beach. I used to drink all the time on the beach. It was great. They had a place called

the Sand Dollar, which had to get a membership. They had a place called the Silver Dollar Bar, which was over off on a cross. That was kind of downtown, but across. Oh, yeah, I got beat up outside the Silver Dollar one time, I think. I almost did. Yeah. So. Yeah, I think it was a silver dollar, yeah.

And Portside, they had a place over there called Portside Silver Dollar. Yeah, there it is Silver Dollar. Yeah. But there's always people doing blow over there. Yeah. Thankfully. Yeah. Well, that's, yeah, a lot of that going on in Charleston.

Dude, I was there during 9-11. I went out there. Actually, I hitchhiked up there to meet. There was a girl that I was in love with that moved away, and she didn't want me to be around her, and she was right. You know, it was getting... You hitchhiked to see her. That's bad.

Yeah. That's bad. When you're willing to, this is before Uber. This is when... How'd you get here? I just rode with some strangers, anything it took. And it was like a... It was 12 hours now from Louisiana, but I got up there, and yeah, it wasn't good.

I remember I was on her porch one night. And I was like, this has got to stop, you know. Yeah. And that's when I shut it down and got Mack together. Took some of the wood from the porch on the way out. I was there. Like I'm trying to rebuild something at home here. What am I going to make a shrine to her out of?

Yeah. Obviously, her porch wood is the best thing to make it out of. But, yeah, thankfully, nobody caught me over there. And I just remember I was on that porch pet and a cat that wasn't mine. I don't know if it was hers. And I was like, God, I am emotionally, I've got some emotion. emotional issues, you know? Yeah. And then 9-11 happened when I was there. That was kind of wild. But yeah, I love Charleston, man. Great place. Yeah, it's awesome. My friend said you gave a speech at his

school in Louisiana. Metery, I think, is where he grew up. I forget the school. He told me. I believe you. It's a boy school. I can't even remember it. Oh, it was a boy school? Yeah. He said, yeah. He was rummel or something? I think so. Maybe so. Oh, my God, dude. That just came back to me. Oh, it might have been when I was just in student council, but maybe not. I don't know. Dude, I fucking forgot about that. That's crazy.

It's weird how life will go on and you just remember things that happened. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, the brain is super weird. Like you can just, it feels like channels just open up and you go, oh, whoa, here's a bunch of memories locked in here. Do you think our brain that all of our memories are available in our brain? I think so. but maybe our brain remembers them differently

because people will tell stories about me and I go that's definitely not how it happened but am I remembering it wrong or are they remembering it wrong? I got punched in the face by a female firefighter one time and this guy, my buddy

he tells the story all the time and he always tells what I said and I just know that I didn't say that But I was drunk enough to get punched in the face. So maybe I don't remember. Right. And then at that point, if you know you were drunk enough, it's like, well, do I want to disrespect this story by just trying to put maybe my current ego in? And even though I, but if I was drunk, I was out of control, could that have happened, you know?

Yeah. And then it's what I realized from growing up, a lot of my friends, I'll tell stories from growing up. My friends are like, dude, I don't even remember that. I'm like, you don't fucking remember that? I'm like, dude, that's like the only thing that had, like, that year that was the only thing that happened. You don't remember? Oh, yeah. I'm just amazed that some people don't remember things.

I think sometimes with us as comedians, like we're spending time thinking about stuff to write jokes about it, that we can recall all these things. But like, people that aren't trying to think about it, they're like, oh, I can't believe you remember that. And I go, this is all I do was sit around and think about this stuff. That's a good point. And even if it's not me actively doing it, there's a part of it. my brain that I think is obsessed with being young and growing up and, like, wants to have all of that as much as I can. Here it says right here, is this perplexity, man?

We started using this perplexity. Have you heard of this? No. It's an AI. The brain holds and organizes all the memories we are able to form and retain, but it is not a flawless or complete archive of everything we've ever experienced. Memories can be changed, lost, or difficult to recall. Not everything is stored perfectly or forever.

That's interesting. I wonder if I should get someone to come on sometime who knows really the deepness of this. Yeah, and how could you open it up? They used to say acid would open different parts to your brain. Yeah. That's what they always said. That's why we like to take it. We would, because we didn't think we were partying.

No. We were like, we're doing an experiment. Yeah, we're hiding in an above ground pool for four hours, laughing it. We don't know what, but this is all under the guys. of science. Yeah, we're opening it. We're expanding our minds here. We want to, I want to listen to this Pink Floyd album and understand what he means.

Oh, dude, I remember my friend, we did some LSD or something mushroom down. I don't remember. And he had a flashback of an Asian kid that had allegedly lived in our town or something. And he got so scared. And then he went and he locked himself in a closet for like five or six hours. And we're like, fuck, dude. On acid? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And he had anxiety ever since then. That was a lot for him. I don't understand how locking yourself in a closet would make yourself feel better. Yeah. He needed some better, a better, but I don't know, what do you do, you know? Yeah, and if I knocked on the door, he got very racial and very like, I don't want to say anti-Asian, whatever. He just was going through a lot.

And I was like, I'm not going to fucking bother. What am I going to do? We're having a good time. Yeah, what I'm going to do? Get a fucking one of those, like, straw hats and like a fish basket and fucking just go in there and rattle his cage? Hell no. I'm going to support my buddy. And that night we're at my buddy, we're at another dude's house.

And I was like, I'm getting out of here. And he's like, you shouldn't leave you. You fucking took all your clothes off in the backyard. And I was like, yeah, well, fuck you guys. I'm not being caged up by this fucking white hate or whatever. You know, I'd get out there. I go get in my car as a 1984 Ford Escort. and thankfully I accidentally got in the back right

I kind of stumbled trying to get out of the door pushed the seat went forward honked the horn the front horn because I was in the back seat the seat moved forward and honked the front horn and his mom came out and thankfully shut it down because I could have fucking driven off yeah you know drugs can get scary man drugs and driver's licenses

I've driven on acid many times and it's uh yeah and it's a blast I mean it is a it's a disaster. It shouldn't happen. But it was, that's another thing. Small towns, you know, you're out late enough. Nobody else is out there. No. What's the danger really, you know? Oh, yeah. The birds are gone. The dogs even shut down. Everybody. Yeah, we would drive around. Me and my buddy, we drove around. We were like so out of our minds. I was like biting the steering wheel while I was driving. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. I remember one time we drove pat, we just taking this LSD and we drove past

a cop and he stopped us dude and he's like what the fuck you all doing blah blah blah and we caused trouble in town before and he's just like I don't remember what his reason was but he's like I don't want to see you I don't want to see you guys out again tonight and we're like yes sir no problem

not a problem definitely not yes sir no sir right we covered every base right dude fast forward five hours later we are just gleaming on this LSD we are fucking you know what I'm saying like I'm like kind of fucking being like oh just saying shit like oh I think there's way too many teeth in my mouth right like yeah oh yeah we're not doing good and we realize we are coming up on the same street

exactly where that cop is parked and he's fucking parked there again and we're like motherfucker we promise this dude we would not and we're fucked up we are this is not going to do this It's not going to end well. And we thought if we go, this is our idea, dude, if we go as slow as possible, he won't see us, right? You're sneaking by. Yes, yes. Dude, yes, if we go fast, that's how they catch everybody speeding.

Yeah. We go as slow as fucking possible, dude. All looking. Probably caught us so fast, dude. Put us all in for the night. You're like, hey, we're trying to get home. Yeah. You told us to get home.

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RocketMoney.com slash Theo. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Workplace stress is now one of the top causes of declining mental health, with 61% of the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress. Even if you work from home, it's home place stress. It happens to most of us. I've had problems in my life, dealing with things, keeping things organized, keeping the flow, trusting myself, trusting my instincts, et cetera, et cetera. And better help was an option for me with over 30,000 Therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million

people globally. And it works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash t-h-h-e-o. That's better-h-el-p.com slash theo. Did you ever run any issues with the pesticide? You run any good, any good tales from the... Well, you know, I did that for like nine years, and I'm just like, I got one joke out of it.

And, you know, I used to, you know, it was four companies. We sold to Lowe's and Home Depot, those four companies. I dated a girl that was on the competition for a while. No. I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend and she was dating me at work. Yeah, I love that. So we would just, you know, like you had to go to the store and you'd have to call in to the office from the store phone. And then so I would go in and I would call us both in and then we would go drink for a while. And then we would go back to the store and she would call us both out.

that way the store didn't see us coming and going. So we had, I mean, we had a wild summer. I had not all the same territory that she had. So some days I had to work. But on those days, I was great. I mean, we were just party, me and her. And she was like, she was real hot. And it was like, even the other pesticide reps were like, she's dating you.

And I'm like, I guess so, guys. I guess things are turning around. And you just take it off that side. baby off that P-side. That's all right, you know, and it felt good. And, you know, I should have been fired. I had, but, you know, my sales numbers were good. I looked good.

I mean, sometimes it's just who do we want pulling up to the door to sell pesticide? Who are people going to believe when they open the door and they see? Well, I'm just selling to the stores, right? So I don't have to go door to door. Okay. But I looked all right. You know, I probably was a little heavy. I've been drinking a lot.

I was probably, I was drinking all the time. So, you know, a lot of times I'd pull up to the store, clock in, go sit in the car, smoke cigarettes, go to sleep, you know. Yeah, work. Right, right. Yeah, because it's like, I don't act like I haven't had a job. Yeah. And my boss was like, you got to be there at a certain time.

And I was like, it doesn't matter because the stores have no idea if this is my first store of the day or my second store. He's like, no, you got to be there. And I'm like, well, if I got to be there, this is how I'll handle it. Yeah. I'll clock in and then I'll go. you know eat a bagel in the car and smoke cigarettes or dip oh yeah i mean you got to find ways to kill time yeah i mean i'm the king of killing time oh that's you gotta be your next special

dude yeah i mean i can sit in a car all day it doesn't make any difference to me you give me the radio some nicotine i'm there all day yeah god i love that shit dude i used to love fucking sitting in a car i remember i'd fucking sit in there like a lot of times My dad would go do something. I don't know what he was doing, because he didn't have a job or anything, but he would leave me in the car. And I would try to put all the seat belts on.

I'd like try to sit in the middle. Yeah. And put all fucking five seat belts on, dude. Oh, yeah. Just do cool shit like that. Yeah, nothing like being left in the car as a kid back then. Oh. Would no, yeah.

I mean, there was no. The cigarette lighter thing? Yeah. I had a cigarette. I had a Bronco. The cigarette lighter would, like if you didn't have your hand up there, it's so spring loaded.

It would pop out. onto the floor. Yeah, I mean, there has some power to it. Oh, you don't wear sandals around this motherfucker. Oh, yeah, no, no. Yeah. I loved it. Yeah, you could, I love that.

The way the cigarettes were built, you know, you smoke the cigarette and they just hold that thing right up there to it. That thing felt real. Yeah. I had an ashtray in there with ashes in it. I mean, it wasn't coins in there. I was using that. Oh, that was so nice, dude, when that cigarette, because when you were a kid, if your

grandparents, your parents left you in the car, you could push a cigarette lighter in, and you knew it was going to get hot. You were not allowed around hot stuff. You weren't allowed to have hot stuff, but that thing, you figured out how to work it, and then you take it out, and you're like, I wonder if it's hot. And it would be, it was the hottest thing they had. And then you're lighting paper on fire. You're putting paper.

And your grandma's like, where's all the receipts? Yeah. Where's my bookkeeping? Where's my missing posters for your stepfather? I don't know. God, that was fun, dude. My buddy's dad, my friend Bubby Jenkins, his dad would, I'd miss the bus or just say fuck it or whatever because I didn't really love the government or whatever. But his dad would give me a ride to school and his dad would do my spelling words and blow cigarette smoke in my face to fucking make it harder for me to fucking memorize them to challenge me.

Dude, he'd rip two or three darts on the way there. You've got to love that kind of help. You're like, I really appreciate that, you know, because then you're good under pressure. Yeah. Like, I learned to drive a stick chef with my dad yelling at me. Yeah. Like yelling at me about not knowing how to work a clutch that I've just tried for the first time today. Yeah.

And so you're like, now I'm good. I can drive a stick ship for the rest of my life. Oh, yeah. Especially when your sexuality is under a threat when it came to anything back then. It was like, you don't know how to do this shit. Yeah, it's like, this is my first time. And he's like yelling at me. And we're on a back road.

there's not traffic behind us. Everything was a Vietnam back then at times, man. And also the pressure just growing up, everything felt intense, you know, learning things and want to get them right and be cool and know the cool stuff. Yeah, I mean, my dad knows how to do a lot of things, but it's not a teacher. Right. So, like, you think you're doing it right and you're like, there's a lot of pressure to be doing it right. But it's never right.

Yeah. He's going to tell you how to do it. Even if he told you how to do it and you did it that way, he's going to be like, nah, like this. Yeah. I'm like, now this is the way you told me, though. Yeah, but do it like this. Yeah, we're not doing it like that.

I don't know where you learn that shit. Yeah, we don't do it like that anymore. I'll tell you that. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean, I would tell you a story about my dad teaching me something, but he didn't teach me shit, dude. And then, but he would, once I was tall enough, would expect me to be able to drive in places, right?

Because, yeah, my dad was just so old. And one day he's like, I think you can do it. And I was like, what? And he's like, I think you can drive me to slide L. And I was like, I don't know, you know. And how far would that be for you? Probably 17 miles, right? Okay.

I was like, I could, I don't know, but you want to do it. Yeah. You want to support your dad or whatever. And I did it, man. We fucking got out there on the interstate. And why would he need you to drive? He was so old, he couldn't see that good. Okay.

But we had to get there. And so it was like, you know, what are you going to do? Yeah, because he used to do those credit cards signups at colleges. He'd get people to sign up for credit cards. And he'd get me out there on the table to call them over and whatever, you know, and, you know, make promises to him or something. And so we'd drive over to, like, southeastern Louisiana University or Delgado or some school somewhere. And we'd pull all this shit out.

And he's giving out free candies or whatever. whatever, whistles or something, you know, or it would be like a whistle that yells a slur or something if you hit the right octave on or frisbees, you know, shit like that. So he got money for signing people up for credit cards? If people signed up, I think he got like $1.50. But I think it had to be approved and shit.

Yeah. But I'd sit there and fill a couple extra out while I was there. Yeah. We're killing time. He had no idea what's going to be fucking asleep, awake, fucking he'd go to get a sandwich, fucking ball asleep over there. I was just like, it was like a huge game of hide and go seek.

And that's why you'd need to get to slide out. Yeah, for sure. So you're driving, you're working it. This is learning things. He may not be teaching it, but you're learning things. Yeah, that was it, man. You're learning to hustle. Yeah, it was a hustle, dude.

It was fun, though. Yeah, any other blue-collar kind of jobs that you had? Well, I, you know, I did restaurants mostly. I worked at a restaurant called Hyman's and Charleston. I don't know if you ever went there. It would have been a round. It was nice. It was nice. It was nice. It's a tourist spot, but it's good food. Bring it up. I mean, it's a...

I think I went there not long ago. It's a hot spot. They have the, they have a lot of pictures on the wall of famous people that have been there over the years. And I finally have my picture on the wall. I'm finally on the wall. I was like, that's what I'm talking about. Let's go, Hyman's, baby. Yeah. And Hyman's is great. There were so many employees at Hyman's that I run into people still. all over the country that I used to work with. Why was there so many? It just took up, it took up three addresses on the street. And then it was second floor, you know, first floor and second floor restaurant. That's beautiful. Yeah, actually it took up, it was like from 213 to 2.21, that many addresses on the block.

It was great. We should go to do a show there sometime, man. We should. I mean, Charleston is the best. That would be cool. Well, I started this, the tour of mine out started in Charleston. And so... What did you do?

I don't even remember. It's probably North Charleston Performing Arts Center. On campus. Oh. The Gillard? Maybe. Yeah. Very nice?

Yes, very nice. Yeah, I just did the Galeard too. Very nice. I watched the Gale Yard be built. So I was like very happy to do that. I mean, because a lot of people that I, that's where I started comedy. So a lot of people I started comedy with and people that knew me around that time all got to come there and see me.

Dude, that's pretty exceptional. Yeah, it was a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Because being a comedian, you're not, everybody thinks you're just hiding from your parents or whatever until you get something people can see. Yeah. It's a weird thing to tell people you're doing, I feel like.

Did you feel like that? Yeah, I mean, even doing TV, it can still be like, you can still be not necessarily seen like you're doing great until they see you in a big venue. And they go, oh, look at all these people that bought tickets to see you. Yeah. It like means more then. Yeah, or on a show, they have to see something. They'd be like, well, what do you, you know?

Yeah. I just did Hollywood Squares. I think a lot of older people in my life feel like I made it when they saw me on Hollywood Squares. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, everybody has their own idea of kind of what making it is, you know? And it could be anything.

And it could be from any, you know, it could be some people thinking it's Charlemagne the God show. It could be some people, oh, here you are right there, dude. Yeah. Justin Long and Drew Barrymore on there? Yeah, I did a. Another episode with them, and I was where Jeff Dunham's at. So I was right next to Drew Barrymore.

Wow. And she was up in my square. So it was very fun. She was, you know, I was like, yeah, felt good. She's cute. What's some great folks in there. Yeah. Dude, that's exciting.

That's like a huge show from growing up. Ron Funch is on there. Oh, who's the host? Drew Barrymore. Oh, the host is Nate Berluson. Nate's awesome. Yeah, he was great. Nate's a great dude.

Very nice, very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Super talented, man. I mean, what a neat guy that guys would be able to have two careers. Great football player and does a great job hosting. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how long this goes, but he's really great. Yeah.

Yeah. He does a couple of different things. He does some different stuff. You know, I'm trying to think of any other blue collar jobs. Well, you know, I was a pizza delivery guy for a long time. I worked at Papa Johns. I mean, that feels blue collar. I mean, it feels like stoner blue collar.

Yeah. That's what I did out of high school. I did deliver pizzas. And it was great. I used to, you know, I was getting high a lot. So it was like, you know, you're riding around your own hometown. You know where everything's at. There was no GPS back then.

So you know where everything's at. He's just getting high, listening to the radio. It's a perfect job. You ever whip a slice out of somebody's order or anything? No, no. I was very anti that, but I would. And I respect that. I want to say that.

Yeah, I never mess with people's food. I can't do it. Yeah, me either. I've never done anything like that, you know? But I used to pick up my friends at the gas station They would meet me at the gas station I'd pick them up and we'd all smoke weed together While I delivered pizzas

That's fucking cool I don't think they had anything going on But I also think it was cool for them To just ride around while I was working Yeah So I'd pull up to people's houses With four or five dudes in the car You know

Had a guy one time meet us outside And we were still smoking You know and it's like A little awkward You start to get extra polite You're like How are you today sir Thanks for choosing Papa Johns

Oh dude There's nothing better than that shit Dude the awkwardness Dude I used to get fucking high And fall asleep all the time My friends didn't want me to go out with them Because they're like dude You just hit all

You hit like and I would hit a lot of the weed And then I would literally fall asleep For the next four hours And they'd just pick me up And they'd still have to drop me off At the end of the night I would just lay in the back of the car or whatever And I think I was just growing at the time

Whatever in your body just dealing with shit or whatever. And one night, we got so high and they just started a Taco Bell in our town, right? And this was like the grand opening. So people had come. People came from 30 miles. One guy rode a horse there.

People were coming however they could. Some people didn't even get out of their cars. It just drove by. They honked. You know, people would drop off their spouses. Just do whatever. They didn't even know what was going on. That's a big day.

And I got out on my buddy's van. And they'd all been inside. I'd fall in a sleep. I wake up. I'd open the door. And my fucking folks are right there. They had just pulled up. And I'm so high.

And I'd never seen them when I was high before. Oh, yeah. And I'm just trying to just pretend like I'm not high, you know? Like, great seeing you guys tonight, huh? And they're like, oh, fuck. That was not it. That was not it, dude. You're like, am I talking enough?

Am I talking too much? Do I look at, do I normally look this happy? Yeah. Good seeing you guys here tonight, huh? This is so bad. Big deal, Taco Bell. Big deal. And then somebody did, I've told this before,

somebody defecated in the meet and they had to shut it down. And that was a true thing that happened. That was horrible. I bet that's happening all the time. Not just Taco Bell. I don't know. It happened in our town.

I'm not saying, and Taco Bell, I'm nothing against you guys. I don't go there, but. Yeah, I'm not even trash in Taco Bell, but I'm like, you know, I don't trust people working. It happens. Yeah. Yeah.

You ever go to a restaurant and see the people working there and go, I don't think so. Oh, yeah, I've walked in and be like, let me get a good look at it. Is there anybody in here who's not? Does anybody look like they care in here? Yeah. I don't think so. I'm going to head on out. Yeah.

Somebody's just making, and there's even like a guy who's like, he's just doing TikToks of him peeing in people's food or whatever. And you're like, what's on? That's insane. Yeah. Yeah, there was like, there was a, You know, it was a bit of a Taco Bell thing going on for a while where people were... Yeah, tell me.

It wasn't Taco Bell, but they were working there. And these people would take the hard shells, and they would just lick. They would go down and lick all the hard shells in the stack. And that was TikToks for them. That's great. And then there was a thing where people were going around opening ice cream and grocery stores and licking it. Oh, yeah. And then putting the lid back on.

And that was, I think, kind of a black community thing, too. It's just like, but if you're not putting the plastic over your ice cream, I'm not buying it. Yeah, here we go. I'll leave this guy. That's the white version of right there. But hold on. You knew he was doing that for you.

You even fucking. And that dude should be cross-eyed. The thing is, these days, that guy, both of his eyes are functioning well. We don't know if the other one looks good, though. That's a good point. He may be looking straight ahead on the other one. That's why this one's so far over. Dude, we had a cross-eyed dude.

He'd always try to, like, do his hair different. He's like, I'm like, dude, just fucking do you. Like, no judgment. We love you. We fucking love you, dog. But you could have the fucking mohawk and people are talking about, damn, that cross-eye guy is doing why, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you see the mohawk on the cross-eyed guy? Yeah. It's like, yeah. It's like, God. He must not be doing well. It's like, you need a very organized cut. You know? Yeah.

Yeah, you want to be everywhere else you want to be as presentable as possible. Yeah, you need to cut that tiths. Right? Your haircut needs to look like he gives 10%. than a month of the Lord, brother. Yeah, you want to look like, you want to look like something just happened to you. Yes.

Like, oh. Yeah, I was just, I fell out of a business meeting. I lost a wheel on the rolling chair. Yeah, it just fell out of a business meeting. Hit my head really hard. Fell out of my limousine on the way here. This is horrible to say,

but if I were across that, I would just always pretend like it had just happened, like something just happened. Oh, yeah. Like, look at this eye, guys. Fuck. just sneezed really hard. Do I look okay?

That's what I would do. Yeah, you know, it's like if you got a Zid or something, you go, oh, yeah, look at this thing. You know, you would always, I would always point it out. But, God, my stepdad is patting me on the back row hard. Do I look all right or something like that? Or man, I just got bit by a dog. How do I look?

And people are like, God, you fucking, you know? Yeah, you'd have to do something like that. Sudden cross-eye, this is what can cause sudden crossed eyes. That's a good question. Sudden crossed eyes are strabismus in adults or older children. can be caused by serious neurological conditions and should be evaluated promptly by a health care provider. The most common causes include stroke, brain tumor, head injury,

thyroid eye disease, interesting. I think I'd go with this, cranial nerve palsies. That's what I'm rocking. That's what I'd tell people. Yeah. Yeah, it's my cranial nerve. Yeah, I hit a fucking speed bump and my fucking cranial nerves all acted up. You know, that's what I would say.

Or you could always tell the old lie, two of your friends, both through frisbee's to each other at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, or the uncorrected vision issues. Just go with that one. Yeah, just needed glasses and I just wouldn't get them. Yeah, my dad ain't no pussy as he says it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I didn't need to read those books. Yeah, it's kind of weird because I would have to get two of the same book and just hold them each right here. Which is very expensive. It's like two monitors on a computer. Oh, man, that's ridiculous, dude. Um, how do you feel, uh, do you, at this point you have to start to really feel like you've made it in comedy, right?

Yeah, I feel good. I mean, honestly, I feel like I never thought I would make it this far. I mean, I was just messing around with comedy. I hear you all the time now. Oh, good. Yeah, I mean, I was just, you know, I was drinking and I was like, yeah, we'll do comedy. And it was a good, good way to meet women. And I was like, this is something to do on Friday. And then I won a contest in Charleston. And I was like, well, maybe I can do something with this. And then I just started, you know, figuring out how to work the road. And I started, you know, traveling around and doing road gigs. And then, you know, I did some festivals and got on late night.

And I was like, oh, this is working out. And it just feels good. Yeah. I mean, this is because I don't, this is what I want to do, you know. I don't, I'm not trying to do other things. This is what I like doing. Stand up is so fun. We just did that outdoor festival in Winnipeg.

And outdoor comedy is typically not that fun to me. but this was great. It was a really fun show. Yeah. Yeah, that was awesome, dude. You saw the trailer park boys here? Yeah, I did. I got to hang out with him a bit.

Yeah, they were funny. They were funny. Julian, the guy that seems like the real mean guy in the show, was the nicest. With the black hat on you mean? Yeah. Yeah, he's really, really interesting guy. Yeah, I mean. What a lineup they had there.

They had Miss Pat. There was still smoke in the air when I got there. That was Miss Pat's friends, I'm sure. What a line. If we had Martin Short, Malaney, that's so cool. Yeah, that was fun, dude. And just to be up there and see what it was like there, I wish I'd have gotten to stay a little bit longer.

And I called out the mayor too much, I think. You know, I didn't know who, I heard you calling out a guy, but I didn't know who the mayor was. I was like, release the Epstein Files. Oh, yeah. Gillingham. He just had the perfect name to call out. I have no idea he is.

But I got there a day early and I walked around a little bit. It was fun. I liked the air. Yeah. I thought I went to a nice steak restaurant. Turn out, I went to like a chain. The keg is what it was called. I thought, this seems like a cool spot. And then my wife, who's Canadian, who brought you a mug, by the way, Tim Horton's mug. We had a Tim Horton's in Hermitage now. Are you serious? They're coming over here? Yeah. What's the tariff on those Tim Bits, I wonder. I don't know. I've not been, but I do see the credit card when she spends money. She brought you a note

there. I don't know if that's a love letter or not. I hope not. But, oh, it's sweet. Thank you, dude. But yeah, we had a Tim Horton's and Hermitage. But she told me that the keg is kind of a change. It's kind of like the outback of, which I don't mind the outback. No, but it's, tell her I said thank you. Yeah. That is, well, dude, my freaking sister used to work at a, what's the one with a birthday one, Texas Roadhouse.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I was just in a Texas Roadhouse in Alabama, and they do quite a birthday thing in there. Yeah, it's big. And they would always get Benjamin. and he was like the gay dude that worked there. And first of all, when you see a gay dude working at a Texas Roadhouse, I support it. But at first, I feel like there's some conflict

interest if some guy's like, this is supposed to be Texas or whatever. And then some guys just over there fucking just like, you know, he's just like, you know, he's bouncing his dangly earrings off his own shoulders, you know? And he's like, they say it's your birthday. You know, like, because the problem is

they're all supposed to sing the birthday song, but they start, they start monopolize, the use of the gay employee to do all of them. And that would happen a lot. I would notice at my sister's restaurant. Benjamin, gay Benjamin or whatever they called him. I didn't call him that. We'd get out there and he would have to do all the birthday songs.

So he started feeling kind of taking advantage of. But anyway, I don't know what we're talking about. Well, you know, I mean, it's, you know, you work what you got. You know what I mean? You got to feel good like they're like, it feels like nobody can take your job. Ooh, that's a good point. You know, you're like, oh, you, for long birthdays, they're like, they're coming in. they're going, hey, it's my wife's birthday today.

Is Benjamin working? Right. And Benjamin's not working. So they're like, we'll come back tomorrow. Oh. We'll come back when Benjamin's here for the birthday. We'll come back not even on my wife's birthday. Yeah.

Because we want the big dog to do it. Exactly. It's like going to McDonald's and only grimaces there or whatever. You're like, eh. Right, right. Where's Ronald? Yeah, we want Ronald. Do you remember when Ronald used to be at the birthday parties?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if he was ever at my Burger King. It was at Burger King's McDonald's. McDonald's. I don't remember who the crew was. The Burger King had the king. Oh, yeah, that guy is a fucking creep, though. They just had some issue with the McDonald's.

What was there something I saw in the news? Oh, yeah, that's what it was right there. Yeah. There's some Laotians, huh? Yeah, that's probably Opelika. There was some McDonald's news. I'm trying to think if I had another blue collar job. Oh, well, I used to clean out Wishingwells.

I've talked about that before. We had a lot of Wishton Wells in our town, and they give kids, like summer job. You could go clean them. And you have to get down there, right? Yeah. And, oh, dude, I remember they had this. Like a fountain? No, like a wishing well.

Like you had to get down in the well. Yeah. So you had to get a ladder and get you, you know, get down there and get all the stuff out. Wow. But there would be money down there. Oh, and you got to keep the money. You got to keep a share of it. Okay.

You didn't get to keep all of it. But they didn't know, but you didn't want to be dishonest. But anyway, the kid that I partnered me with was this black kid and he, I'd go down. And he was just supposed to keep people from making wishes or whatever while I was down there. But he, when I got down there, he, he, when I got down there. He was like, this is at a time in the world when I think a lot of black people didn't. They were scared of like magic and shit like that.

Some of that was still, you know, because of whatever it happened in the past, I think, you know, like get in this box and, you know, I'm going to make you a millionaire. Whatever, whatever trick had been played on, and a lot of black comedies, whatever. So anyway, I'd be down there, but when I started just talking up to him,

it sounded real scary, I guess, because of the echoes and shit. So he'd get all fucking scared, right? And I'd have to go back up. up. He's like, dude, it's just me. Like, fucking chill out, dude. Yeah.

He's a nice kid, dude. This kid named Alton. And, but he's like, I'm not trying to make a wish. Yeah. But he just be like, what's happening to you? He gets so freaked out. And I'm like, it's just me. And I'm like, it's just me, you know?

So he'd fucking run off and get help and shit. I was like, we're fucking, it was horrible there, dude. It was just fucking a nightmare. But he was so freaked out. But anyway, that was one job I had. You're down there collecting wishes. Well, you're getting the money, but there's also a lot of people throw trash down there. Oh, yeah.

Crime equipment. I like to think there's somebody there coming to make a wish and sees you come up with all the money. And it ruins it for them. Yeah. I hope not. I hope that, you know, that wasn't witnessed. It wasn't a lot of money. It's a lot of bullshit down there.

Oh, yeah. It's not, I mean, you might get $4 out of there. Oh, geez. You know, nobody's coming up the ladder with fucking 75 bucks. It's not the ye old wishing well. This is not the original. Well, it's not, yeah, and they're using dimes and shit. There was no, you know, there's no dollars down there.

You're not even trying to get a wish if you're using a dime. Yeah, you're just trying to take a little weight out of your pockets. Yeah. The well's like, you're never trying to get this wish, are you? Yeah, the well even is like boo-ooo. You think it's a ghost? You're just getting booed? and then out and runs off, he can't handle it.

But they should have had some sort of a sensor in there if a dime goes in the well, just yells something at you. Oh, yeah. Like, fuck you know. Yeah, it's got to be enough weight to trigger it. Right. But, you know, when I was a kid, you don't have, you know, we found some crime equipment in there.

We found a sword, like a bloody sword, I remember. A lot of to-go containers, people just driving out there throwing, having a picnic throwing all their shit in there. Oh, yeah. You know, people didn't, you know, a lot of people, I think, thought it was like just recycling and shit like so just shit like that but anyway those are the days man what's happening in the news right now what do we got dude uh nationwide mcdonald's boycott planned for august so that's just happened whoa so why are people boycotting i guess

you're finding this out right now yeah the plan boycott of macdonalds in august was announced by john schwartz founder of the people's union u.s. um why the action is been spearheaded by progressive groups who have expressed a number of concerns over issues including company tax avoidance and workers' rights, in addition to backlash over companies scaling back diversity hiring commitments. Well, I've been boycotting McDonald's for a long time, I think. I don't eat there, but not a real boycott. I just don't eat there. I don't like it. I don't think it's good. That's fair. You know what? I think, yeah, is it good?

That's a great question. I don't think it's good anymore. I don't think so. There's no, there's hardly any fast food that I think is good anymore. I lived off Hardee's growing up. I mean, that's all we ate. There's a Hardee's right down the street from our trailer park. We had to pass it going to school, from school.

I would eat breakfast, lunch, dinner. We ate Hardee's nonstop. Hardee used to be really good. I like a Hardy's breakfast still, but no, I'm not into Hardy's lunch and dinner. Yeah. Well, I don't think these places should be doing dinner. Yeah, I mean, yeah. lunch i'll buy it i'll buy you guys are doing lunch but you're doing dinner now i will say this hearties

is just a carls junior in disguise a lot of people don't know that well hardy's breakfast though is banging though these biscuits uh yeah i mean biscuits and gray i used to get a loaded omit biscuit this is back when i was drinking and i was real i was pretty fat i would get a loaded omit biscuit and then i would get biscuits and gravy and then i would put the gravy on the loaded omit biscuit no it's unbelievable and they weren't offering that they weren't offering that they an offering at the time. I think later they did, but I think somebody found out about what I was doing in the parking lot of the lows. One of these fucking ops watching me eat. Yeah. That's how it is, dude. Well, I sometimes will get a double hamburger from McDonald's, and then it's not on the menu. Wow. It's not on the menu. You just have to ask for it. Yeah. I want a double hamburger. And they'll, you know, they'll make a sound or somebody, if it's a, you know, if it's a black lady, it'll get kind of pissed or whatever for a second. You can hear them getting pissed even when the mic's off. Yeah, yeah.

Well, the drive-thru is like that. You can hear that. You can hear, you can feel the tension. Yeah, you can hear, yeah. But that's it right there, that double hamburger. See, to me, that doesn't even look good. And this is the picture to make it look the best it's ever going to, it ain't even come out looking that good. Oh, this is its Olin Mills photo. This is, yeah, this is its headshot. And it's, yeah, you're right. I think, bring up a picture of a hamburger from McDonald's, I would say, from the 1970s. Let's see what it looked like that. Okay, yeah, but they had some sesame seeds on it back then. Ooh, that's true they didn't even put those on.

Probably saves them a millim scent. Oh, yeah, look at that. That's what I'm talking about. Extra bun in there. I guess that's probably a a wopper or something. I don't know what. Who has what?

Yeah, look at that thing. That thing was pretty good. Now, the Big Mac used to be... You don't even hear about the Big Mac anymore. Yeah. And, dude, my mom would we would take us... I've said this before, but we would go sometimes and get a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit in the morning from McDonald's.

It was something nice that we got to do during like Thanksgiving week or whatever. The hash brown was a full thing. I like that. I like a McDonald's hash brown I still like. It was good. Full thing. Yeah. Yeah.

It was good, dude. And my mom, she would order the McFish or whatever, but she would act like after we'd all ordered. I've said this before, but it still blows my mind. She'd be like, um, and I'll have, and she would make sure we're all kind of quiet so she could order it. Yeah. Like she was ordering for like a special fucking menu, like we were going to eat in a private room or something. And she'd be like, and I'll have the McFish. Yeah, she wants to separate it.

This is what the kids have had. 100%. Now I'm an adult and I'll be eating this. Yes, but guys, go get your sodas. And she's like, and I'll have the McFish. Well, you know, I'd do that if I order coffee at like a Starbucks in the drive-thru and I'm ordering for my wife. I'll go, my wife will have this. Right.

And then I'll have a black coffee. Yeah, my wife will have a fucking wedding cake in a cup. Yeah, I'm sorry to do this to you. Yes. This is what she'll have. Yeah. My wife needs to take a nap in an hour, so she's going to have so much sugar so that she can do that. Dude, my ex-girlfriend would put like eight sugars in her fucking coffee, dude. Wow.

At, like, we go to meetings and she put like eight sugars in the coffee. Like, God, that's bad. In my wife's defense, she is just getting cream in her coffee, but still, I'm like, I want you to know I'm not doing that. Yeah. Okay. And this may be a note for help. Okay, so we don't know what's really going on there. We don't know what's in there.

I didn't read it. She did seal it, which I found interesting. Well, that's sweet of her, dude. If it wasn't sealed, I could have read it in the car. Oh, there was the jelly roll wrestling. I saw that thing. You see that? I didn't see it.

This is jelly roll. It's wrestling now. Look at this fucking jelly roll, dude. Look how fit he is. Oh, yeah. Look at that clothesline. Oh, jelly roll and Logan Paul. Oh, jelly roll is a new undertaker.

Yeah. Just when you thought wrestling couldn't be more realistic. I know that's crazy. But I think Logan didn't like some of jelly roll songs, and that's how this happened. Oh, okay. So, and I know jelly roll is doing a lot of stuff to lose weight, but this is, this is like one of those things you get down to South America to get done. Who's this other guys?

Is this other guy got any albums out or? I don't know. It's Jake Paul's brother. Wow. Okay, I think that's enough. And look, they hug at the air. They're trying to fucking kiss real quick. But hold on.

Go back. There's a little bit on this video that is also, first of all, great job. What a move by him, Logan Paul. Yeah. Oh, it's, Logan Paul is a good wrestler. That's amazing. He is what it takes for the sport. You know, he does that thing. Have you seen that down syndrome guy that hits those two beers together and then gets in the glass?

I only know Stone Cold to smash the, that's all I know. Oh, yeah? I kind of tapped out a while ago on wrestling, but. But go back to the beginning of the video, please. You'll see Jelly on the table when they put him on the table. Watch. He kind of, this is like me, like say if I. I go, if I've had a girl's place, and, like, she's like, I'm going to go to the restroom or something.

I'll try to make myself look cool, like, get in the right position. Watch him kind of scoot over. Oh, yeah, yeah. He kind of just moves into the right spot so that it works out. Dude, that was pretty cool. Yeah. But that's wrestling, dude. That was big in our town.

Dude, one of our neighbors dated a Hulk Hogan impersonator, actually. Oh. And that was pretty cool. We'd always get excited. He'd come in the yard and fucking. rip his shirt off yeah yeah you know jelly roll's a real Nashville guy yeah my friend uh used to work at hooters and she would say that jelly roll used to come in back in the day as he's always been a rapper in town so i think that's cool yeah i met jelly roll a few times nice guy oh the best jelly roll

sang to my mom outside of zanis on the on the sidewalk one time really yeah yeah i was like that's what i'm talking about oh he's just so heartfelt man he's just a human hug you know um And just his dieting. How much is jelly roll lost? It's got to be 150 pounds. It's got to be a lot. I've not seen him like that. He looked very thin.

You would think you would want a heavier jelly roll to be in the W.W.E. Yeah. 200 pounds, it says, in a year, almost 200 in a year. Believe it. And his energy, dude, I saw him a couple weeks ago,

just after Shane Gillis had done his show at the SPs, we stopped in and say, what's up? He was like out, just great energy saying, you know, just like his, energy level everything. I remember seeing him a couple years ago and I was like, man, it just seemed like he was in unsafe territory health-wise.

I mean, just visibly, you know, you don't know. But that's pretty amazing, dude. Yeah, we're going to go to Hulk Hogan's funeral this week. Yeah, I'm bummed about that. I always wanted to meet Hulk Hogan. I was always a fan as a kid. I got a little Hulk Hogan alarm clock at home. I mean, I don't use it still, but I got one.

But I had it as a kid. Someone sent it to me. But I had one as a kid, like, you know, wake up, eat your vogue. vitamins to, you know, say your prayers. He was exceptional, man. Yeah. He was exceptional, dude. Yeah, dude.

I mean, this dude would come over to date this lady in our neighborhood and he had it, he would do like he would get out of his car and do the whole Hokkogen thing. Like he was going, like when he was going up to the door to knock on her door. Oh, yeah, doing the, doing the, yeah. I'm a real American. And he'd play the song in his car and we'd all get out there and fucking chill. Oh, yeah. Fucking party, dude. Yeah, that's the clock.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got one of those. Yeah, man, it's kind of sad. I mean, I grew up here. It's like just like my buddy Eddie Joe, my buddy Larry Tisdale, William Teague. We used to, on our street, we loved Hulk Hogan, bro. We loved them, dude.

We loved all of WWF, NWA, all those guys. Oh, yeah. We used to go, you know, in Opa, Liga, Columbus, Georgia's close. And that's where they had Georgia championship wrestling in WCW. So we used to go there, watch Rick Flair and Sting back in the day. Steiner Brothers. Steiner Brothers, dude, those guys. Bushwhackers.

I got a bunch of pictures that we just took on our, you know, our camera of like the, yeah. Steiner Brothers are the only Jewish mentally challenged people, I think, in the South. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they just didn't have that back then. That's true. But that, I mean, that's just so, like, Jewish people are just so, like, they'll always figure out of what, you know, they take their two mentally hitting at people, they put them into wrestling. Yeah.

You know? And look at them. They're stacked. They lost some cultures. We're putting our best people into wrestling. Yeah. Yeah. We're giving up good guys for this.

Dude. And the crazy far was, though, that guy and the lady that got in, like, a domestic dispute, and the cops would think it was just them fucking practicing wrestling and shit. Like, that was the craziest thing. If you dated, like, a Hogan impersonator or like a Jimmy Snook impersonator or whatever because they'd fucking be clotheslineing somebody in the yard, and the cops were like, that's awesome, you know? You want it back.

Yeah, yeah. She's a good wife. She's helping in practice. Getting ready. It's just different times. We'll miss Elizabeth out here. Are you worried about AI stealing your job at all? Do you think about that as comedian?

I don't think so, but I do think I'm in a good place to, because AI can't even get the way that I look right. Maybe the way I look to other people, but it never looks like me. It can't get my jokes down. People try to get it to write an AI joke. it never makes any sense. Yeah. And then I feel like my delivery is my comedy.

So I think, and people tell me all the time, I try to help them write jokes, and they go, well, that's funny if you say it. Right. So, but I also think I'm in a good spot to make enough money to where I can just chill it because I live a normal life, so I can just chill out if AI does still my job.

But there is, apparently there is something where they're trying to get some kind of pass some legislation with AI where it's like if someone is using your likeness for AI then you can get royalties off of it. So maybe AI could do corporate gigs for me. Ooh, that'd be nice. Yeah.

I wouldn't get hired for a lot of corporate gigs because I like, just because I have more profanity in my son of your set is pretty clean. Yeah. Is your set fully clean? I wouldn't say it's, I like to say I'm relatively clean, right? Where I go, I go, I don't want kids to come of my show, but, you know, you can watch with your aunt and not be embarrassed that you're

watching it with her. Yeah. I get, you know, I got, I got a few sex jokes and stuff like that, but nothing too graphic at all. And nothing, uh, and I like to talk about drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't even look like you very much. Right. I mean, it's like people could say, oh, there's a guy that looks like dusty, but he really doesn't look like me. Yeah. Oh, Microsoft just dropped a study showing the 40 jobs most affected by AI and 40 that they can't touch. Let's look at through these. Phlebotomists, that's true.

Getting blood out of somebody. Oh, yeah. Nursing assistants. I like that nursing assistant is listed higher here than like a nurse. Yeah. So are they saying. Hazardous materials, waste, reverful. What is that removal workers?

Embalmers? Fuck yeah. Yeah. Tire repairs, hell yeah Yeah Prostodontus, dude People that make prosthetics and shit We had a place that made some prosthetics in your eyes

And they would throw all the bad ones over the fence too And they'd be in the woods back behind our house We'd be fucking humming thumbs at each other and shit Oh yeah We'd flip each other off with fucking kneecaps and shit It was awesome My wife read this book It was like by Klaus Schwab

Like it was called The Great Reset And it was like It was like COVID-19 in The Great Reset. I've heard about that. And it wasn't like some conspiracy book. It was a book he wrote. And he had talked about in there

that like entertainment jobs are safe because we're always, people are always going to need entertainment. Yeah. But what if we don't have any money to survive? Do you think people are going to spend it to like rent a film or something? Yeah.

I mean, if there's no money, that will be tough. It'd be tough to make money off live performance. But I think we just make less money. you do it for cabbages or something. Right, totally. I think you would still show up and have a tent or something and do it like that, you know, and sell, like, you know, make it a nickel or dime, you know, whatever the thing is. I agree.

And maybe that's what it would become. You're just traveling around with a cart and that's what you're doing. Yeah, now working for drink tickets wouldn't be so bad. We're like, yes, please. Dude, I always had a dream of working under a tent, you know? Yeah. I really. Like a carnival.

Yeah. And it's peer to peer that way, too. It's just, this is it. Yeah, that would be, I mean, like comedy would be so fun in a way. way that if you could you just traveled to different towns and just do comedy under a tent and nobody like like the old days of comedy nobody knows what you're going to be doing yeah and you can just do the same act for 10 years it was all a surprise yeah yeah okay here's some at risk jobs writers and authors uh historians that would be one i would be kind of scared um writers and authors

that's at risk right now because no one's reading right including myself yeah It's different times. Statistical assistance, data scientists, web developers, kind of things you would think of sort of. Let me see if there's anything out there. Concierges. Models. Well, concierge, because you can just Google restaurants near me.

Yeah, but then you almost do want to be like, what's really good? You know, you want, I feel like to me you want, but you're probably right. Models, I feel like they'll be fine. Yeah, models, dude. They need somebody to freaking do blow or whatever. Yeah.

Who's going to do that? Yeah. Oh, now roofers? No. Rufers are already doing drugs of their own. That's for models. I did drugs with roofers in Gulf Shores, Alabama one time. I met, I needed, I was like a late teenager and was looking for weed.

I met these guys real tan on the beach, Jean Shorts. And they gave me a little weed, and then they took me and my buddy back to their trailer. And they had all this weed in the first. freezer and the guy had a home had a bong but the the slide the bowl was made out of a piece of two by four and it was carved out so he had you know still a slide where he take it off to clear the chamber and he packed it in and he goes he was like let me hold it let me hold and then he wanted to clear the chamber and then we both coughed our heads off and then we got so paranoid it's fourth of july fireworks are going off we think it's gunshots we're freaking out this guy

loves it. He loves it. We're freaking out. Oh, yeah. And that makes it even scarier. He's just laughing. He starts playing an electric guitar to your fears. That's scary, dude. When you're scared and somebody's like, oh, you're really scared right now? Let me play this electric guitar for you. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was fine. We got to leave. But it was like terrifying. And then you're finally, you never think you're going to get out of there. And then you're in the car and you're like, ah, and we got some weed. Dude, is there anything better than you trapped in someplace? You're so fucking

and high when you finally get out of there and you're like, oh, and it could have just been anywhere, could have been a conversation, could have been a car ride, could have been anything. Yeah. And then you're finally out of there and you're like, oh, it's over now. Free at last. I'm free. Yeah. God, that shit was fun. Yeah. I love that.

What else we got? Oh, in two separate recent WMBA games that have been plagued with a new problem. Unruly spectators throwing sex toys onto the court. Hmm. Oh, God. Indeed, officials had to pause two WNBA games this week because a person that stands through a sex toy on the court.

The first incident happened on Wednesday in Atlanta, while the second happened on Friday in Chicago. Sounds like they're trying to pump it up. Yeah, they're trying to get you excited. Indiana fever guard Sophie Cunningham shared in her social media. Her concerns about people throwing these NSFW items on WMBA courts with an ominous warning, you're going to hurt one of us. And what are they throwing?

Let me see, I'm guessing it's... I saw a picture. You did? And then what is it? Okay. Okay, we don't get to see it hit the court, though. Somebody, first of all, great accuracy. And that lady kicked it just into the stands, which seems crazy.

Oh, and that is a lot. that doesn't even make sense that second one i thought would i mean that second one was that was a great shot oh 35 to 70 bucks so somebody's you know that's you're not just screwing around out there yeah somebody's putting some money into it i mean it is kind of wild i guess to but first of all i'd embrace it if i'm the wmba right i would shoot those things out of a t-shirt candidate during pride month or whatever yeah That's what I'm saying. I mean, if things get wild and people start tuning in, that's great.

It's good money, you know? You don't want people to get hurt. And I guess that's disrespectful, but it's like, yeah, turn the negative around. Yeah, let's put a positive spin on it. I mean, that lady was excited. You know what I'm saying? And I don't know if that's AI. It could be AI.

It's allegedly a picture of a woman. But that's an attractive lady who is very fired up. And then maybe you make it like a, there's one minute during the game. It's almost like where they throw the fish on the ice. Yeah. Yeah, it's like there's like if somebody hits three, three-pointers in a row, they hit a hat trick. They throw a catfish on the ice. Are they, you know, they trolling sex toys out there, bro?

Yeah, make it like a, you know, like a pom-pom, you know, like in Mississippi, they have the bells. Isn't it like one of, like Mississippi State has the bells, the cowbells? Yeah. And then like, you know, you have pom-poms and you have different, you could have little vibrators. So, yeah, just a bunch of vibrators. Welcome to the Hive. Call your place the Hive or whatever? Oh, yeah.

We're buzzing a night. And then you also have, yeah, like if somebody has three, three-pointers in a row, everybody throw a dild out there, you know? Yeah. You know, bounce a plastic keck off the floor or whatever. And then you see people taking them home with them after the game. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah.

Look. Like, I bought a $20 ticket. I took home a $40 dildo. I made money here. Yeah. Some kid has a collection in his room from, like, you know, I don't know. I mean, look, I think you have to embrace it. You don't get free advertising like this a lot.

And Caitlin Clark's out. She's been injured half of the season this year, almost, or not half, but a decent amount. So you need people to tune in. I don't know. Yeah, you got to get those viewers. TBD. We're all trying to get views out here. We're doing what we got to do.

If somebody starts throwing dildos on the stage at my show and it gets people into it, I say, let's do it. Okay. You heard them, guys. You heard it. Only if it gets people into it. If it's not driving sales, then we've got to shut it down. But, dude, you're telling me a T-shirt can and they just popping in bitches off.

People are catching them in the stands. That's fuck. Yeah. There's a way to do it and there's a way not to do it, guys. We're just helping you think. But, yeah, yeah, I think the WMBA can embrace more, like, lesbian-style stuff or d'-tactics, people call them. Okay. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And we don't have to call him that. What else? Oh, comedian Matt Rife buys home of couple who inspired the conjuring becomes guardian of the haunted Annabelle doll. This is interesting. Yeah, I've seen this. This freaks me out. I feel like I'm your friend at the top of the wishing well now.

This is freaking me out. I didn't know about this. Matt Rife is pivoting to the paranormal, at least when it comes to his new pad. The stand-up comedian has bought the former house of Ed and Lorraine Warren, the ghost hunters who inspired the couple played by Patrick. Rick Wilson and Vera Famigia, Familia, in The Conjuring franchise. I've officially purchased Ed and Lorraine Warren's home and Occult Museum. Where is that?

I don't know, but I saw him talking about that this morning, and I like him, but I think this is scary. It's interesting. Freaks me out for him. Ed and Lorraine Warren's famous house, which includes the Occult Museum and the artifacts featured in many other investigations, is located in Monroe, Connecticut. The museum housed in the basement And a separate outbuilding at this location Contains many allegedly haunted and occult items

Collected by the Warrens The museum was closed to the public in 2019 As of recent years The property is not open to the public due to zoning restrictions Visitors are strongly discouraged Wow, how much did he pay for it? How much is something like that cost, I wonder? You like that? Are you into like this kind of like paranormal stuff like this?

I mean, I don't know if I would want to sleep around that or encourage another portal to hell to be open in my life? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just think there's already a lot of dark arts going on out there, and I do not know if this is the other type of behaviors we need. It feels like he's going, this is going pretty well. Let's try to mix it up a bit. Yeah, I mean, and he also has a shirt on that says God's country,

so maybe he's trying to get in there and refurbish someone with it. Yeah, maybe so. Insane announcement I've officially purchased Ed and Lorraine's home. I'm incredibly honored to have taken over one of the most prominent properties in paranormal history. The other guy shirt says rise above fear. I mean, maybe they're, yeah, they're trying to turn it around. They could be the new Bieber and Carl Lentz. Yeah.

I don't know what they did, but. Beaver and Carl Lentz where they kind of had joined up and just had a relationship. I think that part of it was based on both of their religious views. Oh, oh, yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe so. what would you buy if you could buy something like that or if you just like spent money on something wild? See, I like land. If I could just buy a lot of land. Oh, yeah. That's what, because land is so expensive now, but it's so, so valuable. I just love to buy a lot of land. I'd like to have, you know, a lot of woods and mountains and creeks and water. Yeah.

Well, we could just, me and my kids could just get on the four-wheeler and just ride around out there or just walk and explore, get some animals, get some, I went to a museum and, or not a museum, like a eagle thing in, outside of Gatlinburg where they have like a lot of eagles and falcons and owls. Yeah, birds. Yeah, I love that stuff. God, yeah. I'm all about it. I want to build a food forest, you know, where everything in the forest is all fruit-bearing, food-bearing, food-bearing. you know, vines and trees and bushes. And would it become like a pass-through for starving people?

Like, what's the strategy kind of behind it? Or just to have it for yourself? Yeah, just so, you know, me and my kids and family could, and my wife could just go eat fresh fruit and vegetables all the time. I mean, maybe if you're starving, yeah, you'd walk through there too. Get yourself some food. Dude, that's awesome. I'd stop through there if I was really hungry.

I would come by there. Yeah, that's nice. I would like to have a place like that. if I get a family and stuff I'm gonna get me a little bit of land get me a dog or two yeah maybe a cat

I don't want to fucking who knows that's crazy but I don't like I'm not getting a cat but I will try to get something nice but I love that dude but would you if you could buy something like Matt must really be in the paranormal I'm guessing because this seems

that's definitely unique unless they partnered with Matt this is the thing you have to realize about advertising they may have just partnered with Matt let's put this article out and let's revent let's make this museum really pop you know oh yeah who knows you just never know but i mean that's how advertising is um yeah do you

i'm trying to think of what i would buy maybe like a small castle you ever see like i don't know i think that'd be fun little have a little you know like uh whatever they call the little um i don't know what you call them what on the sides of the castle or kind of has the round thing that goes up have a little tower up there have a little yeah what is that called it looks like a rook and in uh in chess Yeah, put a little perplexity on it, though, around part of castle tower. Yeah, like that's what I'm talking about. A drum tower.

The drum towers, yeah. I'd love to have something like that. God, that would be nice. A little castle wall so you have to go through a door, but the inside is a little courtyard so you're protected, but you can still have a little village inside, get a bunch of my friends to come live with their families. God, it'd be fun. Yeah, I wouldn't mind being part of a commune or something.

something one day or group living where you just live off the land and you're kind of I'm into that too people get so negative about it but I'm into that I don't think there's anything wrong with it I think that'd be great yeah you don't want to be like a cult but close to it yeah well I think they only get negative about it as often gets pinned off like on white people too it's like yeah I don't think if white people if they're not being racist they can support other people like themselves I don't think there's anything wrong with that yeah I mean and I just they could be fun to just have a little where you're like, you know, you're all, you're like, one person does this, one person does this, and then you trade.

Like, I'm the shoemaker or whatever. Yeah. Like, I'll make you something. Yeah, you're repairing your shoes and your boots, and one person's really good at cooking, and one person's good at farming, one person's good at, you know, I don't know, working on cars or raising a horse. Yeah, I'll do like the little methadone area if we need it. Yeah.

And you might need it. Yeah. Because people likely will come to the commune and need to need a little help. help, you know. Oh, yeah, you got to have that area too. Like, oh, I'll meet you over there in the Methodome TP. Yeah, yeah. And eventually that's the most popular TP in the place. Now the shoes aren't getting repaired. That's the thing you start to worry about is how does this all break down? I'm trying to think, I just bought Dustin, I bought Dustin Porier's gloves from his last fight from his UFC fight. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I wanted the last one so bad, but somebody beat me on eBay or whatever.

but I would buy James J. Braddock something like a memorabilia of his. Remember him from Cinderella Man? Oh yeah. I would buy some memorabilia of his. Oh yeah. That's good. The Bulldog of Bergen, baby. That's who I would buy something of his. I mean, that's just something like a specific thing I would get, you know? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When I was just thinking in the same world of a house like he's bought. So I was just like that's why I said Castle or, but yeah, I mean, I would love just a lot of land. I think it just, because you can just do so much. I've got 10 acres that I've been doing all these things. I'll build a little swales and put fruit trees and all these different things on it.

I've been trying to cultivate it. I'm into ponds now. I want to build a pond at the top that kind of pumps water from the creek and comes down and runs all throughout. Wow. And do you have access to a creek? Yeah. Wow.

I want to build a lot of water channels. Do they allow how much water you can access and stuff? I've not looked into it because I don't live out there in McMinnville. So I don't know how much I can do right now. But I would like, I don't want to steal it. I just want to borrow it and then channel it back to the creek. I like that. Yeah.

I love that. Or borrow it, put a flavored syrup in it, channel it back. Perfect. Yeah. Imagine somebody's upstream like, oh, this is nice water downstream. Like, motherfucker, that's sprite. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, and you're like, you just out, you think, oh, get a nice drink from the creek.

Yeah. Mountain Dew. That's it. They think you're making a pun because it's coming from a mountain. And you're like, no, this is, it's really as Mountain Dude. Now, if somebody's just peeing in the river, you're downstream with that. That's Mountain Don't. That's right.

That is right. That's damn Mountain Don't, dude. Oh, this part. Rife noted that he and Casti planned to open the house for overnight stays and museum tours so you yourself can experience and learn all the haunted history surrounding this amazing place. I think that's cool, man. Matt's a creative guy And

Oh yeah Elton Castee He's a paranormal guy Hell yeah Fuck him Well Fuck all them ghosts dude Or whatever dude

Don't touch him You know But I'm in the Don't touch him camp But you know Everybody's got to do their own thing Well look

I'm sorry We've you know I don't know I don't really want to walk with Satan Yeah That's what I'm saying So I'm not into it

But you know People You know Somebody's got got to be. Yeah, to reach their own. Yeah, I'm glad it's not me, but I'm good luck to those guys. Yeah.

That's what I say. Hot dog spill shuts down highway in Pennsylvania. Commuter's worst nightmare. A little hot dog pun in there. Yep, W-U-R-S-T. Oh, my God. Look at all those Franks on that freeway. It's like a W-N-B-A game out here.

Dude, that's the kind of stuff we need. Yeah, exactly. get the news pumped up dude here's what they do now i have a great idea in the middle in the middle of the court at halftime you can hum a um a dula right yeah or h a d whatever they want to call them you can chuck a dilda out there if it lands in that middle area the middle circle where they do the tip ball in the middle of the of the court if it lands in there you get a free frank free hot dog yeah love that that's a good idea uh you know what they could call you know a ring a Weiner for a weiner or something like that.

Weiner, weiner, hot dog diner. Yeah. You get a hot dog sponsor, you get some dildo sponsors in there. You get it all working out. Yeah. Everybody's making a little extra money out here. I like it. And you're feeding the fans, man.

Yeah. You telling me a lot of these ladies don't want that hot Frank? Yeah. They do. Look at these guys with the shovels, though. Imagine your day is shoveling hot dogs. Yeah, lucky, dude. Let me get a gander at these guys.

All right, Shrewsbury, PA, a truckload of hot dogs spilled across a Pennsylvania Interstate Friday. After a crash that briefly clogged the highway in both directions, crews were stuck with a job. They did not relish. More play on words, rolling up the scattered tube stakes for disposal. Heavily traveled artery. Oh, another one. Yeah. Once those leave the truck and hit the road, that's all garbage.

still pretty warm. Okay. So one guy was upset that they couldn't use them. A front-end loader was used to scoop, which also I'm going to say is what my dad referred to my stepmom has once. So I'm not saying she got around, but a front-end loader was used to scoop up the hot dogs and drop them into a dump truck. I can tell you personally, hot dogs are very slippery, the fire chief said. I did not know that. Okay. You told me the fire chiefs never had a hot dog. hot dog? Come on, dude. Dude, that's their main source of sustenance. If you've ever been to any firehouse, there is always a crock pot going with a couple

hot dogs in it. I think he was just like, if this, if you're quoting me, I want you to know I've never touched a wiener before. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of those guys will keep it straight, no matter whatever they got to do to get it. Four people required medical attention, Dowerman said. injuries, that police said we're not life-threatening.

Okay. What happened to him? God. Hopefully this ends up becoming a 30-for-30. You know, you gotta know. Tie it into the WMBA. It's a, meanwhile. Yeah.

Oh, dusty sleigh, man. Thanks for hanging out, dude. Yeah, thanks for having me. This is great. I appreciate it. Yeah. Congrats on the, on the, um, On wet heat, it's out there now.

People can go watch it. Yeah, it's on Netflix. It's streaming. It's hot. It's a good special. It's not a time-waster. No, it's not. People love it.

And they get to know you, too. I think you have your own kind of pentameter, your own sort of style. I mean, most comedians do. But I think you really feel it here, you know. Thank you. I modeled this hat after this one I'm wearing right here. See, this is a Kodiak win.

wintergreen, so I can't really wear this hat, but that one on my head there modeled after this one. Oh, they wouldn't let you wear that one? Well, I think that we were just worried about it. Yeah. I don't keep it safe. And is this a hat that is this your merch? Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. What does it say on it? It says, all right, all right, you know, because I say all right. And then my name. I love it. Yeah. I have to order me one of those. Um, yeah, go ahead and order me one of those hats. So I can have one to wear some time. Yeah, there's limited. I don't have a addition that hat because the stripes cost more to put on. Oh yeah. So it's a limited edition. Well, let's get it. We'll take one. I like it. Um, thank you. Thank you for my, uh, coffee mug to

Miss Slay. And, uh, yeah, thanks for all the comedy, dude. Yeah, well, I appreciate you. This is great. Your podcast is great. I think you're the best podcaster. You're the funniest guy on podcasts that exist. And this is great. I'm happy to be here. Oh, that's nice of you, dude. I appreciate it. I thought you like, you know, I thought you really carried the load today, but I thought it was super easy for us to chat and hang out, you know, which I thought was really nice. Didn't feel like we were lifting any heavy lifts, you know? No, I felt great.

I had a good time here. I mean, I've watched you on podcast for a long time, and I still think that there's a video of you that circulates through my TikTok sometimes of you doing comedy and a retirement home and you're doing jokes about your dad, and it is in front of these really old people. It's the funniest.

stand up. It's so good. Well, thanks, bro. Thanks for the compliments. When your land, whenever that land, when those fruit trees are ready, shit could get weird in the world. So you and I might be out there making TikToks together and selling fruit. I love it. And if that's what happens, then I'll be happy to work right there side by side with you. And we got to get to Charleston and do a show, dude.

We should. I mean, it's great. Charleston's great. I mean, it's changing all the time. It's growing, but it's still great. We should put it together. We should put it together. We wouldn't do that for later this year, next year. Dusty Slay, thanks so much, dude. Are you touring somewhere this week or right now?

You're just letting the special rock. I am touring. Dusty Slay.com's got all my dates, but I'll be, I'm starting in Huntsville, Alabama, and then I'm all, well, I'm doing the comedy store on the 5th. I don't know when this comes out, but I'm in Huntsville, Alabama on the weekend, Atlanta, and then it just starts from there. Okay, great, dude. Yeah.

A lot of places you can see them. Dusty Slay.com for his tour. States. And yeah, man, thanks for the time, brother. Thank you. Yep. Thank you.