This Past Weekend - #608 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Jim Norton is a stand up comedian, podcaster and radio broadcaster known for shows like “Opie and Anthony”, “Jim and Sam” and more. His new special “Unconceivable” is out now on YouTube and you can also check out his podcast “Jim Norton Can’t Save You”. Jim joins Theo to talk about new developments in the Shamokin Dunkin Donuts saga, celebrity encounters from his radio career, and his thoughts on non-traditional love.  Jim Norton: https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/    ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com/  or email them at [e-mail] Symmetry Sauna: Go to http://symmetrysauna.com/THEO to learn more  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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responsibly. Today's guest is his first time on the podcast. He's a legendary stand-up comedian and host. He helped give me my start in getting on the airwaves. He has a new special on YouTube called Unconceivable, and his own podcast called Jim Norton Can't Save You. Today's guest is the one-of-one, Mr. Jim Norton. Well, I was just telling you, we can get started you want to. Well, whatever you want, yeah. Yeah, I was just telling you that I feel like, um... All right, just let me know if I'm off mic a little back.

I'm obsessed with that too with sound, like where I'm interviewing somebody. If they're like, they're off mic, I'm like, what the fuck on the, you know. Oh, I feel horrible the other day. I did somebody's podcast, and I chewed gum the whole time. We've had that, yeah, it happens. But the fact that I did, it's like, I do it for a living kind of. Like, how did I do that? Every day it still haunts me a little bit.

That you chewed the gum? Yeah, just feel, because I'm like, you know, we came, they came and we all put our time in, you know, just to be there and do it. And I freaking just like, you know, sometimes you show up and you just, you do the most Bush League thing. I'd like to ask them, did you notice it while it was happening and did you want to say something? thing because we've had like we had marron on one time and he was eating like oatmeal or something the whole time or chewing something and the fans were furious and were like why didn't we just say something when he was eating sometimes when you're hosted you don't tell the person like you're chewing gum stop chewing gum yeah he should feel embarrassed yeah but he still should have told you i mean i've had instances where somebody's mouth will be very dry oh you know what i'm talking about yes that fucking sticky fruit roll-up sound yeah and you know all you can think of is that the listeners being like, this dry motherfucker. This fucking pasty-mouthed idiot, yeah. This fire survivor fucking showing up.

And it's so true. But you can't sit over there on like baby bird, somebody, some water, bud. Well, you want to say to them, like, you want some water? And then they don't, they're like, no, it's like when someone's breath stinks. You're like, you want a piece of gum, no, I'm good. You're not good. Yeah. So, you know, we're trying to be courteous.

Yeah, you want me to pressure wash your face for a second? Like, that's another thing you could offer them. But you see, like, how you just said that. Now I'm making sure. I'm opening my water. People have to be self-aware, too. Like, anybody who's doing something, if your mouth is pasty and dry and sticky and sounds like shit,

you should be aware of it. You have ears. Yeah. Yeah, and then you just realize, oh, that person is offline. They are just not, they don't know what's going in. Or sometimes it'll be a woman's lipstick

is a little thick, and it kind of just... A little crack. Yes. A little pop. Yeah. That stuff drives me crazy. I pick up on.

And I sniffle a lot. I fucking, ugh. Like, I'm a noisy, uncomfortable to be around, fucking person. Like, I get it. So I have no right to tell other people. But, like, I'm always clear my throat.

It's really fucking horrible. Yeah. Well, as we get older, too, it's just like, you're just like kind of a, you're just hoping that every now and then you're a little bit of the semblance of what you once were. Yeah.

Oh, no, I've given up on that. I've thrown in the towel. I will never again be what else was. And I was only mediocre to begin with. So I went from mediocre to kind of shitty. But it's funny. Like, I'm so self-conscious about how I look, and my wife is like,

oh, you look fine, and I got a text from Gutfeld the other night, a random text. He's like, hey man, I saw you on that Kill Tony thing. That's a good look for you. That's a good weight for you. So people are telling me I look okay, but I'm like, I don't feel okay. I feel fucking fat and just mushy, and my neck is fat.

I just dropped 20 pounds. Oh, you want to drop? Well, it's so funny because I saw you last time, I was like, man, Jim, you kind of look. I feel like you have looked better as you've gotten older kind of, as you've grown more to an adult. Thank you. Yeah, I don't No, no. I mean, I look back on my old pictures. I'm not impressed with them either. So I can't go like, I want to get back to those days. It's like rush back to what? You know what I mean? Do you ever feel like, because some of those comedians are so uncomfortable. And I was just, I was watching, you have a, you have a new special that's on YouTube unconceivable, right? Yes. And it's so funny because I've thought of things being inconceivable for, but to go as far to be like unconceivable. Like I should never even have been like content. contemplated.

Fuck, that's intense, dude. Because I think at the depth of some comedians and artists and not trying to sound like we're special, but we're fucked up. There's something a little wrong with a lot of people in the world. Yeah. And we choose to try to put it out there. Sometimes all artists do, even strippers. I think they do that in their way.

But like, like, there's something like, God, I should never even have been here. Well, the reason I named it that, honestly, people thought I fucked up and spelled it wrong. But I didn't. it's unconceivable on purpose. It's an old way of saying it. It's actually technically correct in the English language. But it was also like a nod to my wife

who is, you know, cannot conceive, obviously. So it was also... I haven't gotten that far through it. Oh, okay, yeah. It was part of... About 20 minutes in. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. I talk about her.

It was part of it's about her being not able to concede. That was kind of why I called it unconceivable. Oh, I see what you were saying. I thought, I guess I just took that somewhere in it just because you've always kind of operated on the fringes of like, depravity or what's okay in the world sort of in your own space? Is that okay to say that? Oh yeah, it's

100% accurate. But if it was about me and my existence, I would have called it should have been a load and a sock. That's what I would have named it. Yeah, it should have been a practice round. Yeah, I should have been like, yeah, like I should not have been in the gun. No, no, no, no. My father should have wiped me out of his belly button with a Dunkin' Donna's napkin. Shemoke and remember the Dunkin' Don't know. Dude, you turned me on to that.

Yeah, the, uh, the, uh, ice coffee, cold coffee. Oh, let me call cold coffee. Yeah, her name is Edna Faust. Yes. And, uh, I remember we love them so, the joy we got from them. You gave me that joy, dude, and I've showed that over the years we've had people sitting here. And I'm like, you got to see this.

Because the thing that's amazing about Edna is, is, was her deductive reasoning was that she knew that, like, ice coffee, a cold coffee? Like, she just, why? Watching her go through the clues as to what to call it is why I love her so much. Yeah, drop it real quick because I also want to tell you, Dutch came to one of my shows one time. You met Dutch? I met him. Dutch and Smith, what's his last thing?

Dutch, what did he do? Smith? There you go. A coffee shop in Shamokin is closed following an arson over the weekend. It's definitely going to miss it. No doubt about it. A teenager is charged with starting the fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night. Shimokin police officer, Ray Psycho, says no one was hurt, but the place has extensive damage.

Psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom. The toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire, and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke. The mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication, but as far as, for one reason, we're unsure right now. The 13-year-old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile detention center. Many people who live in Shimokin are upset. That the Dunkin' Donuts is closed. Now I have to relay on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts. I rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts.

And I'm kind of dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts. I go to every day, I get a chicken baker croissant, I get some coffee, power rate, if I'm dehydrated. I sit there all the time. If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorney's there. I'm going to miss that place when it if it don't open up. a lot of my friends go in there get the cold coffee

ice coffee I guess it's called oh there she goes figures it out she makes she knows Edna Faust's unsolved mystery she gets to it and Dutch Smith doing his legal work I mean there really is

and by the way I hate to bum the podcast vibe out but the first woman at Turkey Hill donuts she passed away I'm almost positive we did a deep dive on her and I do think that unfortunately she is longer with us. God, she seemed like the most healthy of the three of them, I thought. She did, too.

She was definitely the one I was, if I had to be attracted to one of the three, it would have been, Faust was a close second. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you could play Faust in like a biopic one day. I would love to. Brian Dennehy right now has her, but I think Oh, but Dutch Smith came out to a show, dude,

he's doing great now. So, but that was amazing, bro. But yeah, you put me on to this and I've like shared it with so many people over the year, so thank you, dude. It was such a bizarre. I remember it was on with myself and it was on an opium gym. And I think that was the show.

And we would play all these weird clips and once in a while you find one. It's like, yeah. Fuck, that's a gem. Yeah. That's a gem. But I never had any follow about Edna Faust. I'm dying to know how she is.

Because I think she's the best. Yeah, let's put it. We'll put it out on an all call. Hopefully somebody can send something in, and we'll see if we can get a little follow-up. The Faust over there outside of Turkey Hill and Dunkin' Donuts and Shamok. They've rebuilt it, by the way.

Oh, they have? I have. We did follow up. They have rebuilt the Dunkin' Donuts, and it's a big thing in Shumokin. I was going to stop in there going to a gig one time, but I'm like, no, I can't. I just, I cared while I was on the air,

and as soon as I was in the car, fuck Shumokin. I'm not stopping. It is funny how you make little plans. Like, oh, I got to be, and then things come along, you're like, nah, let's just keep hitting those. Stay on the road.

Stay on the road. It was fun in theory. It was fun to think about and to talk about, but now that I'm actually going to be 25 minutes out of my way that way, and then 25 minutes time my way that, I'm not doing it. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah, fuck them.

Yeah, fuck them, dude. Yeah, so unconceivable was your wife because your wife can't conceive. You're married now. Yeah, yes, yeah. And do you feel like you kind of gay, like, what was it like, there was your first marriage? Yeah, my first and hopefully my only, yeah.

I only did it because when she came into the, she was having a hard time, so we did a 90-day fiancé visa to get her in. So we got married 90 days after she came in. Otherwise, I would have just dated. But it's okay. You fight different when you're married because you can't just go, fuck you, get out. Like, you're there.

So you got to resolve it faster. It's to go back to your corner kind of. Got to go back to your corner kind of. I used to have three and four, like, I would fight with girlfriends and then they would leave. And then for three or four days, I would just have hookers come over. Like, it really was an ugly scene. And this is a lot, a lot easier, a lot cleaner. Yeah, does this feel easier?

Kind of like, do you feel like you kind of escape? Because, I mean, I got like a lot of, I think, commitment issues and stuff like that. And I just feel like, man, at some point, I got to escape, like, not use marriages an escape, but I would love to not be kind of trapped just in this stupid circle that I get in sometimes. Yeah, it's like, it's a lonely spiral too. Like, I forget, like, whenever I get pissed at her, I'm like, yeah, but I was really depressed when I was single. Like, I wasn't happy when I was single. I was miserable. I hated being alive. So if I fight with her and I'm like, yeah, this kind of sucks. I'm like, yeah, but it's not, it's me. I'm the problem because if I'm

single, I'm even worse than I am right now. So no, I don't want to, I like being married. I just sometimes when you think I'm married, you're like, oh, fucking. life is over. But I'd prefer this. Yeah. Yeah. And at least you have someone to be there with you in your life. You're like,

and you kind of have a donkey to pin the tail and you're like fucking. Yeah, the wife. Yeah. Fuck her. What is she? What? Yeah. If there's things are wrong.

I'm my fucking wife. It's also a good excuse though. Like, ah, no, my wife's not feeling well. I got to go home and see my wife. Like there's little built in things that are kind of advantages that I didn't see. And I'm glad I did it because if I didn't do it,

I would still be running in the same. That's why I've fattened up. because I literally am not doing the same things I used to do on the road to get like those little mini highs you get. You know, now I'm just in the hotel room alone and what do you do? You order food at 2 o'clock in the morning

instead of having somebody come over. Yeah. It's not as fun. So your, and your wife is a, your wife is trans... Yes. Transgender, yes. Transgender, yes. Okay.

And so what does transgender mean exactly? Because people use the term all the time and sorry to go to like such rudimentary stuff, but it means a man and a woman? Yeah, like you're born in a male, body and you know they have never they can't say exactly medically what makes a person transgender

that's why there's so much arguing about it's up to speculation some people like ah you're just a crazy fucking guy in a dress and other people like no you're you're born this way but they can't tell you medically exactly what it is in the brain but yeah she definitely was born in a male body but if you talk to her for five minutes you know that's a woman's

brain but I don't I I would lose the argument in court I don't have the argument in court you know she definitely does not have a vagina You know, no, she's not at all. Okay. Hey, you look, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's not even a penis, I mean, it's a cock. Oh, yeah. Definitely, wow. Were you able to discern over time why you liked something so unique, kind of? Like, is that a way to ask it? Yeah, yeah, you ask what you want. I mean, I don't know. Like, it's one of those things where when it comes to sexuality and attraction,

what makes a person like what they like, I don't have the answer to that. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's like you, you don't choose what direction you're going to get pulled in sometimes. Yeah. For me, attraction has never been like, I'm going to go over there and like that. It's going to be something hits me and I kind of like lock into it and I feel it and it pulls me that way. You know what I mean? But I, it's an art kind of, yes, yes, yes, but the living art, one that you can really just, you know, slap against your face. Yeah.

Art you can sit on. Dang. Do you ever go places? Now, do you have, say if you are dating someone who's trans, do they ask questions like, why do you prefer this? Or is that like something you kind of have to make clear to them a certain way so that they feel okay? Is that a... I think it's like in any other relationship.

It's like in bed sexually, like fucking or not fucking or that type of stuff? No, I think even just like on a person-to-person basis, like do I seem like a trophy to you or do I seem like something like a novelty or like a novelty or like a thing? a nice piece of jewelry to, like, you know, this artistic collection piece? Or do I, do you really love me because of who I am? Yes, and I think that any person, any person has to, like, you know, as a guy with money, you have to wonder, hey, does this woman like me because of who I am or because I have money?

And with her, she could be like, is it because I'm transgender that he wants to transgender? I think that with any person, you kind of like, you just, you know what somebody's motives are after a while. Yeah. And if you're with someone as a trophy, like, if I'm just like, hey, I mean, we've been, been on and off for like I mean back together since 2019 so six years and we were a year and a half before then so by this point after seven or eight years you know what a person like I was like well does she like me does she like because I have money but there's a lot of guys that have money

and there's a lot of trans people so if that's all we want that we could easily go out and find somebody else who fit that criteria yeah oh yeah she's beautiful thank you um yeah and you see you guys live together huh we live together I put her up she immigration was very slow. It was just one of those things where she had something she had to get fixed and we did it right, but it's just, you know, it's a slow process. So while she was waiting,

I moved her to Montreal and I would drive up and see her and I wound up spent on the whole pandemic there. I drove up, they're going to close the Canadian border. So I drove up one day after the radio show and I just stayed for 15 months. I was out of the U.S. for 15 months. It was crazy. Doing the radio show from there

just live, it's my first time living with anyone. and it was in the pandemic in a one bedroom in Montreal. Oh, my God. And I'm like, if we can do this, I can make this work. Like, if we can, because Canada was even panicky more than the U.S. about COVID, you know, 8 o'clock curfew, you know, they were really crazy up there about it. So I'm like, if we can make it through this, we can be okay, you know, in New York and having a life together. So was that kind of a moment for you, we're like, okay, this is a big thing that I was able to do and that gave you the, because, like, sometimes I'm a question, like, how do I get to those next places?

I think when you're kind of like, you know, I'm not 40s. I'm single, so it's like, you're like, will I ever get there? You know, what's really going to change? Was that like a thing that really made it kind of different for you? Yeah, that made it like, okay, this is a real thing. Like, I had never done that with anybody in the States, but we were forced to. Because if I came back to the States once, the border was closed, I would not have been allowed back into Canada.

So I had to choose between, like, being in New York or my life with her, like, leaving her alone up there for, we didn't know for how long. so it was kind of like a loaded gun to your head like you're here or it's over and doing that I was just so grateful to be with her and so grateful to actually have a chance it was like a test run

you got to do a test run and see like do I want to be with this person and we got along like way better than I would have thought and so life here is fairly easy compared to that but easy in a married way like everything people told me about marriage is true yeah yeah sucks I mean you know

you got to answer to something somebody, somebody's in your space. Somebody doesn't like the shit I hang on the walls. Like, I don't like answering to a person. Nobody does. No. Well, I think it's one of the reasons, especially like with comedy, you just work for yourself.

It's just you up there. There's nobody that's telling you, the crowd tells you, it's fine. I'll accept it from a group. I'm not taking it from one person. Yeah. You know, it's like, it's a total space of complete control. Yeah, and it's very, like, I like the fact, too, that like when you're with someone, could we talk about our lives on stage?

So, like, I've been with women who got so angry at me for the things I said about our personal life, and she doesn't care at all, which I love. She loves the stuff I talk about, like, our personal life, even matter how embarrassing it is or how personal it is or how intimate, she doesn't care. She's like, great, go ahead, do whatever you want to do. She doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, I guess if you're cuddling up at night, I mean, both are people have weaners in the bed. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have a weaner. She's like, you know, you don't spend $100,000 on immigration lawyers for a dick smaller than yours.

Oh, damn, that's a good point. Oh, yeah. Tara Fett, Trump, huh? I'm about to see him. Wow. Yeah, yeah, she'll like that. A lot of people get mad. Why does you talk about her janitor?

Well, shut up. Do you notice other men, like, if you're around other guys, do you think there's, like, a lot of curious guys who are into that universe that are afraid to talk about it? Yeah, they ask questions. I never mind, though. Like, I'm not, again, and that's why I joke about her the way I do, because she's unbendable with that.

She doesn't care. And I couldn't have married a fragile person. No, not you. No, you've always been very, your own way and, like, aggressively your own way, but also in a kind of, I'm okay with where I'm at. Yes. You've never been in this apologetic way about yourself. No, and you can't, like, you know, I want people to be respectful to your partner

when you introduce them, and everybody's been nice, and you don't want people to be dicks, but I don't care what people think. Yeah. You can't live your life and care what other people think. I have fun with her. she's my favorite person like she's the person I should have married and do I get guys that are kind of curious

yes and I get a tremendous amount of messages from people who are like hey man I'm really glad you talked about that because I and I don't talk about it in some serious like nobody wants to be scolded nobody wants to be fucking lectured just be with whoever you like

like you know what I mean and if you're worried about what other people think and you live your life for other people you're a weak motherfucker and then just deal with that fact about yourself Yeah, I've had moments of my life where I, like, didn't have certain girlfriends, I think, because I thought some of my friends wouldn't be impressed with them. Maybe we've all been there. Yeah.

You know, it just bumps out when I look back at it at certain moments. And not like in a self-pity type of way, like I'm like, but when I look back, I'm like, man, I wish I'd, because in some ways I am my own person, but in ways like that, I think I, I don't know, I had some, I had some tough times with it, kind of. But growing up, I think it's kind of common, too. I mean, you know, I'm a guy in my 50s now saying this. Like, you know what I mean? Coming up, when you're a real young guy, it's a little bit different. we're more worried about what other people are going to say about us and more like what if the like you know that whole that whole title wave of disapproval from people what are they going to say and after a while you're like i've been through it so many times i just don't care yes like you know but i've had fighters even asked me like uh like hey bro does she like like but asking legitimate not trying to asking questions that they'd be afraid to ask publicly because they people would think it was rude but they're things that they wanted to know yeah um and i never mind answering that stuff.

It's not some giant sacred subject. You know, you just talk about it like you talk about anything else. You know, it's so funny,

I always think like, I know you love the UFC and you and Matt Sarah. Yeah, yeah. Have it had a show for about a decade now. About eight or nine years, yeah, UFC unfiltered.

Dana just called me one day. He goes, hey, we're doing a podcast. Matt's going to do it. Do you want to do it? I'm like, okay. He goes, all right, and that's how it was done. So cool.

It was just a phone call. And I think it was 2016 we started. And did he fight? He fought George St. Pierre a couple times, didn't he? He took the title from St. Pierre. He's the last guy to beat St. Pierre. And then George beat him in the rematch

and took the title back. But Matt is probably the most exactly how you think he's going to be a guy I've ever known. He's 100% genuine. Wow. There's no bullshit with Matt Serra. Like if he likes you, he loves you, and if he doesn't like you, he can't pretend.

He's one of those guys. Like, he can't pretend he likes somebody who doesn't like. I love him. I have such a good. time with him he's really funny um that's awesome very grounded guy and fighters respect him like when fighters call in because he's a legend i mean he did the impossible it's the biggest uh underdog story in ufc history so when they when they come in they all love talking to matt like you know i mean i'm just kind of there yeah like oh yeah you and then but matt you know so it's kind of humiliating

every week if you've ever worked with a legend it's like really like wow i mean like you see the respect he gets from fighters yeah i'm happy to see it one thing that amazes me about UFC, like, I think I, there's a, there's a, like a symbioticness between, I feel like fighters, comedians, strippers even, like, of trying to show yourself to, like, trying to show something about you to be seen, right? That's a little bit abnormal. Do you, do you think that makes any sense a little bit? Like, because I also feel like I relate to some of those people, like, on some kind of a level of like, we're just trying to be seen somehow. I just, I just, for me, it's that way anyway, you know? Like, sometimes it's like fight

like, would you think like a kid, a young kid really wants to be out there punching his brains out or he's just trying to get seen by like somebody in his life or some, you know? I don't know what motivates people to fight. Like some people like come out of poverty and it's just they see they can do it. And it's a way to make a living. Um, and other people, uh, maybe they just realize they're athletic and they fall into it and they start wrestling. I don't, honestly, it's a good question. I don't know. I would equate, Like what you say about strippers and comics, like there's something about showing people something

that most people keep private and wanting them to like it and putting it out there in a way where they can like it and they can relate to. That I definitely see a tie-in to like, how do I expose this thing in myself or this humiliating factor or this insecurity and get people to look at it and kind of laugh

and then go, okay. Like you want people to laugh. I don't want people in the crowd going, good point, Jim. No one gives a shit about that. It's fucking embarrassing. You know, the applause break doesn't mean anything. Like, you won't people, they have to laugh.

It's first and foremost, you know. You almost got an applause break last night. Do you feel that one moment or was like two claps away from an applause break? I didn't even notice it. Yeah, I did not even notice it. I just plow straight through. And I very rarely get applause breaks. You know what I mean?

Maybe I move to. I never do either. But then sometimes you see guys, yeah, I mean, like watching Louie yesterday, too. But he goes into so much. you're so bizarre by the end of some of his stories you're so deep it's like what a great brain like watching him we've been out on the road and uh we got a bunch more dates coming up and just watching his brain work like each bit is crafted like some of these things are such ludicrous thoughts and then they just wind up the crowd agrees the thought and they go into this strange area it's so much

fun to watch like how creative a stand-up can be yeah yes yeah and it's so inspiring watching both you guys, man. There's moments when I'm watching the people in the crowd, and a lot of times it feels like it's a guy, and they usually are holding their girl pretty close. It's kind of like, they convince the girl, oh, we're going to have a great time. You're going to love these guys, and they're doing extra. Like, I'm going to put

my arm around. My girl makes sure she knows we're here together tonight, even though he can feel them like maybe really some disdain at some of the material. I feel people pull back sometimes, which is, you know what I mean? I talk about certain things. I feel people,

but that's what it is it is what it is You know I don't One thing I avoid doing like I never preach Politics on say It's so boring

To lecture the audience Oh I agree Oh my God I don't need to convince them Of anything Yeah Like I want them to have a good time And hopefully see it

My point Even if they don't agree with it I want them to know Why I got there And that's it Like you can't try to change No one's gonna walk out Of my fucking show

Educated Yeah My job I blink a lot I dropped out of high school No one's coming me to teach him a lesson. Ice coffee, cold coffee.

Dude, you had the one, I don't know if it was in, unconceivable or if it was on the stage last night, it was about, oh, the military and some of them aren't mentally well. That was last night, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, that's who we want over there. You think I want the fucking...

I don't want mentally, what you would consider mentally healthy. I don't want that. You had the nervous college kid creeping around with this little gun. Yeah, I want the fucking completely deranged person. The crazier, you think somebody is, the more likely I want them to be sent over with a fucking weapon. Yeah, you do.

You face that, like, but a lot of it's common sense push back against where, like, I think progressives were very crazy. And I also think some of it's bigotry. Like, people look at it like it's just one thing. It's like anything in life. It's there's, there's look at this, then you look at that, and then you look at that. Everything is an individual thing to be looked at. There's not one answer that covers all of it. Yeah, I agree.

I mean, I'll have people ask me about how could I, you know, how could I, you know, how could I, probably lean more conservative in the last election, but then also be a Palestine advocate, you know? It's like, I don't see how any of those things are connected. Like, I would never attach myself to one specific, like, so I'm this way for everything. That seems crazy to me. It's because people are dumb,

and they masquerade as these real brave truth tellers, but a lot of people are very frightened of pushback from the group that they belong to. So they do everything lockstep with the group they belong. long to. That's true. You can have mixed feelings about things. Like you can be an advocate for Palestine and then you can also like AOC and you can vote for Trump.

Like you can have mixed feelings about things. People just want to say you're here or you're there, but that's their own fear of being left out alone. They're afraid of being isolated so they need the group. They're joiners, but they're masquerading as brave truth tellers. It's annoying. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I do this thing.

where I'll be at the grocery store and I'll just I'll talk to the butcher like he's my therapist you know he'll be back there he's just you know chopping up a chicken brisket or whatever and I'll be like I need help dang it I need help as fun as it is to kind of just toss your problems on anybody when you're looking for actual help about relationships or anxiety or depression or other clinical issues regular folks may not have all the right answers but you can get guidance from licensed therapists online with BetterHelp. BetterHelp has been helping people find their therapist match for over 10 years and have a 4.9 rating out of 1.7 million client session reviews. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide

access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. Right now, our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-H-E-O. That's BetterH-E-L-P.com slash Theo. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life? well you're certainly not alone watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness boredom anxiety and depression shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them i want to introduce you to my friend steve steve is the founder of valor recovery a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.

Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that. Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www.w.vallor recoverycoaching.com or email them at Admin at Valor Recovery Coaching.com. Thank you. So since you ended up marrying a trans woman, cut that out. Sorry.

That's what she said too, probably. Cut that off. That's what I was trying to go. It's almost there. I messed it up. Yeah, that's okay. If she wanted to, she could. I'd miss her.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Do you think we are getting more like, do you think we're getting more, I don't want to say depraved, but it's more in one. If you would be depraved, if you looked at like these evangelical type of views or like, you know, like people that came over on the Mayflower, like sexually they'd see it probably is more depraved. Sure. But do you feel like we're just evolving or just adjusting into different more sexual norms?

Yeah, I think so. And it's also like the depravity. Like I don't believe people's, like I don't believe the people. Some of them, sure. But the majority of the ones who are scolding and going, how could you do that? And then you realize that in D.C., these prostitutes are going, do you know how many of these senators I fuck or how many of these congressmen I fuck? So I don't buy any of it. Like there are people who live that way. But as far as, again, a moral lecture

or a sexual acceptability lecture from some, I just, I don't believe any of them and I don't respect any of their opinions. But yeah, I think we are more open than we used to be sure. Yeah. I mean, what's considered the norm now is different. I mean, back in the Mayflower days,

if you were fucking gay, that'd probably hit you with a rod I don't know what they would do, but it wasn't good. They weren't happy to see you. But I bet they had, I bet there was low-key, a lot of support for gaming on those boats because you're on the ship for a long time. In high stockings. I mean, come on, you're going to tell me, you're going to tell me Miles Standish didn't

get his asshole played with? Yeah. I hope that was his name. It had to have been, dude. But yeah, you're telling me you're out there drinking. How many women were on the Mayflower? Let's take a gant because that's going to help. I'm going to guess very few or none.

Oh, or none. I think that's a great point. How many women are on the Mayflower? Probably none of them, probably all men. The number of women, most sources agree that 18 adult women began the Mayflower journey. Only four or five women were still alive by the spring of 1621. Oh, my God. I guess it was a long line outside each door.

Yeah. Can you imagine that, though? Yeah. Hiding pregnancy, three of the women, Elizabeth Hopkins, Susanna White, and Mary Mary Allerton were pregnant during the voyage. And the crazy part is there's no way to prove whose baby it was back then until it's born and you look at it and go, oh, yeah, sure,

because there was no DNA testing. There was no, so 10 guys fuck you and one of them get you pregnant. Oh, oh, well. God, can you imagine, though, guys would just be trying to get you drunk so that they could then go approach your wife or they would just be trying to get somebody else,

like some other guys, get them and another man so drunk that they could just pretend that they weren't gay for a little while for a little while, yeah, oh, and have sex with the woman, yeah. Or no, no, jerk off the man or have sex with the man but just be like, oh, Susanna just keeps saying a woman's name during it

or something. Oh, and pretend, like, by that point you hope that you wouldn't, because if you're fucking a guy, he's got to know that you're enjoying it. And vice versa, you hope that you wouldn't have to be thinking about a woman just to convince yourself. But you might have to be like, what's going on here?

You know, like there's some, I'm sure, or like astute white males or whatever who were like, you know, in some of these, you know, who were probably getting money from APEC or whatever, who were definitely, you know, who were like banging a guy and be like, what's happening here?

This is, you know, like a tremors from an earth. Yeah. Man, the windows or something, you know. Yeah, what's going on there? Yeah, no, I understand. What's going on? I'm going to come in this guy. Oh, my God. How did this happen? I must have fallen. Vito.

Yeah. But yes, in a way, you're right, because I remember it's, When I was a kid, when I first started jerking it off, you know, I would always try to think of girls, but sometimes I would think of boys. And if I thought of a boy, I was so filled with shame that when I came, I would throw a woman in there. Like, I would like press the button. And the last slide would be a girl's face. Like, oh, I just straight. You know, it was such self-delus.

Like, right. But yeah, in that way, you're right. It's all about shame and how to stave off the shame you feel about whatever it is. Yeah. And our society does adjust so much of that. And but it is interesting like, you know, I go to recovery meetings. I'm in SLA recovery and stuff like that. And so and it's interesting because a lot of it's intimacy disorders, porn addiction.

Like there's so many things like, you know, a lot of my, be like, call me or stay away. Like that was like I would want something like a woman to be close to me. But then when they got close to me, I didn't want them to, you know, just like a lot of like just anarchy. It's being addicted to the hunt as well. it's being addicted to the lead up to something happening and then when it's happening you're right you're like get away okay now because the lead up

was the high the lead up of the thing and then that you're here okay now it's time for the next drug run so to speak yeah I definitely get that yeah maybe that's what it was sometimes for me it was like I would literally look at hookers all night I would ride around for hours listening to Ark Bell on

on NPR no he was on 770 or 660 overnight Art Bell was a guy. He was, like, in Perump, Nevada, and he was, like, very big into, like, UFOs. Oh, yeah, that's that guy? He was the best. Oh, and he passed away?

He did die, but I would ride around the meatpacking district and look at prostitutes for hours. I would do the comedy seller and then ride around. But the ritual for me was looking and talking, and most times I wouldn't pick up. I would just ride around and look and be in that space. So a lot of times it's the whole idea of doing something even more than doing it. Like, sometimes you do it, but other times you do it, but other times, is just the idea of it. Oh, dude, yeah.

Would there be certain things like during the interview process like with them when you just kind of say and you, every now and then you just hear a certain thing you're like, I'll spend more time with this person.

Oh, when I would talk to them? Yeah. If I was attracted to them, sure. But if I thought they might be a cop, I was so ritualistic. Like they would have to approach the left side of my window. Like there was weird ritualistic things

that had to be clicked like any addiction, right? There's these weird, this box is checked, that box is checked, and then I can, proceed. But if it didn't happen, one box wasn't checked, it would wreck the whole experience. But yeah, that whole, that's addiction is so crazy. Sex is hard. Like porn, I still

struggle with porn. I have a hard time. I go into it. I come out of it. It's hard. I know. I just hate the way that I feel after I noticed finally. I hate the way I feel the next day after watching and I just feel a little bit like dissolved. I feel like a, like a, like the day before I was kind of a bit of a Rubik's Cuban, all the color that were matching on the sides and everything. and then the next day I just feel kind of broken and it takes a day for me to get my energy back organized kind of. That's a good way to put it, dissolved. That's a really good way to put it.

Like you feel like kind of like it's a collapsed feeling. Like, and dissolved is the perfect way. You don't feel strong and whole. And it's not a moral thing. It's just it's all that weird chemicals from like you, your own drug administrator. Yeah. Like when you know what I mean?

I'm sitting there. It's not attractive. It's just me twiddling my nip, fucking chimp and oh if you had to watch a video of yourself jerking off over all the years you'd be like somebody shut this guy down

somebody put this kid out of his misery yeah what is he doing this is long and unplanned it would be like the director's kind of apocalypse now I get why they took that stuff out we didn't need the fucking dinner with the French people sucked uh yeah if you had to watch yourself

jerk especially if you could add up all the time yeah the amount of hours weeks or months whatever it comes to you quit immediately i bet you'd quit immediately and it is wasted time oh yeah um it really is oh the waste and but i would do the same thing like if i would look at like i would get high on cocaine i would look at hookers online oh yeah yeah and i would like just be looking i would look at the photo and i would be like ah you know and then i would barter i was like just poor and i would barter and then you're and then but then when someone would come over often take the money, put it out of the door,

give it to them, and have them go home. I was too nervous to have somebody like in my presence. One time a lady came over and she had, she said that she had to get a brain tumor taken out or something. And I was like, well, you know, and I just sat with it for a little while and talked about, talked about some stuff and then just she just went home. Yeah.

Sometimes when you, you also realize like they're real people and then you realize like, why am I doing this? Like, I used to love talking to women after. Like, I used to love the conversation afterwards. Like, after sex or whatever, we would just sit and chat or if I would drop them off, we would talk. And I realized it was just, it's a lot of loneliness. Like, you're just lonely, and you don't know how else to meet somebody.

I didn't know how to go out and talk to people, so that was a way of meeting people. That shit I don't miss. Like, being married, the one thing I like, like, I can just call my wife and talk to it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, we actually, it's a nice, stable thing to have in your life

like a person who you really like and loving somebody yeah yeah but I mean you have to like them too it's not enough to love somebody like you have to like talking to them and you have to enjoy and we have our dumb dog and I'll just be on FaceTime with her and the dog and I'm like this is the life I want the dog shits all over it makes me

furious but it's still a nice life yeah I mean compared to what was going on before which was very lonely and isolated yeah it does it's just interesting you get kind of like trapped in patterns over time And when you're a comedian, it feels like you don't ever have to grow. Or I don't know if it's a comedian.

I don't know. I've struggled at certain points in my life to grow up, you know. I didn't realize for years that I hadn't been growing up, really. I was kind of trapped, I think, in like a child's ways a lot of times. But they were working out okay because we're in comedy. And it's like you don't have a ton of responsibility. It's all on you. You have to show up.

You know, it's like, you know, it felt almost like a kid could do it. But also there's something about that that is good. too like because our impression of somebody growing up and getting older was like you know you you go up you retire you get the gold watch and then you go into a home and you're finished like there was a process and there was a definitive end at the end of the tunnel but when you always feel like I don't have to grow up and follow that pattern you always feel like I don't know what's ahead of me like you don't see the end wait to say that part again I want to hear it you don't feel like you can always see the end you don't know what's ahead because you're not following the pattern of people growing

up so it makes everything more exciting you think more exciting yeah and you feel like there's an endless amount of time i don't know which direction this is going to go in that's the terrifying part of doing things the way like your parents do it is that you see a b c d but if you're kind of stuck between a and b some way you have no idea where you're headed yet and it still feels like the end is not directly in front of me and that makes you also continue to feel young because it's that same feeling that you always had when you were young yeah it's kind of it is it's a way and i think it's a healthy way to be. I don't think it's crazy. As long as you're paying your bills and you're decent to the person that you're with. Like, you know, it's a fun life. Like we fought to not have a

boss to not have a retirement age. Like that, this is the dream life. This is what I wanted to do. Sometimes I'll be in a hotel mad. And I'm like, shut up, you fucking asshole. How many of your friends have to get up and go to a warehouse on Tuesday morning? And you're mad. You have to drive to Asheville. Shut up. Yeah. Like, you mean, this is like what you wanted and you got it. So even with great jobs there's annoying parts of it yeah that's the truth and it's fun it's fun you're going to get to go to ashfield that place is amazing did i remember the first time that's one of true the blessings i think of having worked in this job is like like i got to go to lacrosse wisconsin dude blew my mind what is it it's a town in wisconsin is like this beautiful like hill like

kind of small mountain right on the edge of it and it's just amazing man it's like we were right there like the weekend before Halloween so he had like all the kids being like brought home from their parents after school and their costumes and the leaves are all fall it just looked like you couldn't it was like the perfect place to grow up is what it looked like do you want kids yeah I want to have kids I do you do yeah I just think I would like to do it I would like I think it'll help me like just not think about me you know you start to get exhausted of yourself yes and they say that's the one that's the thing kids open up that thing and I know that by not having kids and I've never wanted kids. I don't feel like I'm missing. No, never.

Never. Does Nikki want them? She would love to adopt. She would love to adopt. I could see you getting something cool. I could see me dying and then her doing that, which is great. I told her like, when I drop dead, do what you want. Sell my stupid kiss posters and get yourself a kid. But I've never wanted it.

I don't feel like, I don't dislike kids, but I don't feel like. But when I hear somebody who wants them like that, it does supposedly open up a part of you. And everyone I know who has kids says it. Like, it's a good, thing and you start thinking about something other than yourself and your purpose is other than yourself yeah for me it's i haven't had that so maybe that's why i'm a half miserable fucking idiot just in my 50s on japanese kiss poster auction it's like a fucking idiot instead of worrying about

my kid's soccer game you know i mean maybe that's maybe you're right that's it's probably it opens up that part's healthier going back to like um if you had if you were able to if you're is there part of you like because you said that if i died then uh my wife's could go ahead and get if she wants to get kids and that's fine is there a little part of you that's like that still feels like having a family in a weird way like at least i was able to help and support somebody and create an environment for them to have a family like in a weird way does that make any sense no but it's not when you say it it sounds really nice but it's never occurred to me like um again i i feel like with my wife and a small dog it's such a different

life than I ever had. Like, it's a hundred percent different that I feel like that's my family. Okay, got it. But you're right. Like, I am facilitating for someone to have them if she wants them. Because I tell her, I'll be dead long before you. Like, so, do what you want when I'm dead. I don't care. I saw my shit

and, you know, find some young fucking Latin guy and, you know, have a great life. And she would. Believe me. While they were still powdering my face in the casket, getting fucked. Dude. They show up a tattoo of you on the guy's back, though. That would be kind of or on his stomach so she really has to look at it when they're intimate um no she'll do what she wants

i just never wanted it man i don't i don't have anything against it i respect it all my friends who do it are happy they did it i know i watched bobby kelly go like from being a single guy and then you know long-term relationship son loves he loves his life like that like it's just not for me like i see it and i'm happy for my friends but i don't envy it yeah do you know what i mean like When I'm around children, I never go, like, that instinct in me is never, and it doesn't pull me in that direction. Even around my nephews, who I love very much,

I would love them and hang out with them, but it never made me want to go have a kid. Got it. But I don't know, maybe that's selfish, right? Maybe I'm a selfish, maybe. Maybe it's selfish also to have them. Like, I wouldn't have them just in order to get me out of my own ego jail that happens sometimes.

I mean, I know it's like, yeah, I would like to be able to have like, I think part of me is like I would like to be able to create a safe experience for a child in the world because I don't know if I felt like I had that a lot of times. I felt like I want to try in my best

to fill in some of those holes that I didn't have to because I think our lineage kind of deserves that somewhat. And I think since I really love that childhood stuff and a lot of like the emotional side of it, I think I could probably service that pretty well. Right. So I would like to like respect

try my hand at that with a woman who is a very loving mom who wants to be a mom and with a kid who is willing to, you know, be, you know, just be my son or daughter. Well, you would actually, like, you know, because you have this, like you said, we don't grow up, there's a lot of time to have fun with a kid, too. Like, you know what I mean? Like, in our life, it does afford us a lot of things that most people can't do. Like, you can book a gig on the road. If you want to go to Hawaii, you book Hawaii and you could bring your family. Like, most people can't do that. Right. They have to Schedule it around. Like, I'm not doing radio for the first time in 20 years, and it's so weird not having

a schedule. It's so weird not going, okay, well, Labor Day, Memorial Day, like, this is when we get off, this when we don't get off, to just be able to go on the road and do what I want to do is a very foreign feeling. I love it. It's nice. And having a kid, you could do that. You could just book a place.

Not that, you know, having a kid and having a radio show with the same thing. But you, yeah, I don't know. You got to get up early. Yeah, you're right. It kind of sucks. you kind of don't want to look at the people you're talking to you maybe exactly having a kid it's like any other partnership

the food sucks the food sucks yeah the hours are kind of annoying you gotta wake up when you don't want to wake up you're fucking cranky through most of it yeah your partner's there fuck them you know yeah because they made it in before I did

you're like you're happy to be here aren't you yeah but I do I do kind of miss it a little bit like I miss the structure of it but I also like not having it oh it was so much fun when you guys had I mean I only got to go when it was open Actually, I came when it was Jim and Sam, too. Okay. But I never got to go when Anthony was there.

Yeah. But it was fun. Like, I mean, that was like some of the first times I ever got to be in a place where, like, people got to hear my voice that were, like, paying attention. Yeah. Like, we talked to Bobby Kennedy on that show, which was on you guys' show, which was crazy because he and I became friends years later, which was wild. Was he in studio? Like, I think he was in studio with us, wasn't he? Like, for some reason, did Robert Kennedy just call in?

He called in. Oh, was a phone. I thought I saw a picture of all of us together. And I'd never heard of him, and I thought he'd been like electrocuted or fucking, you know, or people were fucking him while he was talking or whatever. Like, I didn't know what was going on. Those are really bizarre reasons for the voice.

Yeah, wait, is that him right there? Oh, never mind. I thought I saw that. That's myself. I can't, I don't have my glasses. That's me. And, uh, Florentine and Opie. And, uh, yeah. And that's Robert Kennedy. I didn't remember that. Look how skinny I was.

No, I know back then, I, I, I look, like a weird photoshopped version of what I am now. You look almost feminine in there a little bit. You look kind of like a white Charlemagne kind of.

That is funny. And he would hate that. He knows I think he's a handsome. No, no, no. But nobody wants to be Jim Norton to be like, you kind of resemble Jim Norton. But that, you're right.

It is like a little, my wife hates me like that. Like she's like, you fucking look like a little twink. You look sick. I don't like it. She's like, you're not a fucking small, you're a medium. She makes me, uh, she never wants me to be like that again.

But that's how I want to be. And it does look kind of sickly. Like when I see that, like my neck, my head, like, and I was so depressed at that point in my life. So I wasn't even happy. Well, you seem like you were doing great. And then Daryl Strawberry, that's the day I came in so coped up. Were you cooked up that day?

Oh, bro. That's, that started my, that, that day, I made a story for Ari Shafir's show. and that story like that story like is when people started paying attention to my comedy

oh really yeah I ended up in a tax cap driving a taxi cab high on cocaine the driver had picked me up there was a girl in the cab

we're dropping her off she kind of rejected me I didn't like make like I was just like she was laying in my lap I was trying to like give her a kiss you know

because you feel like she was flirting she laid in my lap of course so I like you know whatever and I didn't be aggressive but she like I was like, what do you do? And so then I felt some rejection.

She got dropped off where she was going. It was just me and the driver. And I was like, let's go get some cocaine. You know, we can get some cocaine. And then it was like next two hours later, I'm driving. He has a hooker. He's bought hookers for us. He's in the back of the taxi.

We're up in like Washington. Washington Heights. Washington Heights. Yep. And I have to be at the radio station the next morning at like 6.30. I get dropped off at my hotel at 5. $5.50, right? It's a couple blocks away. I shower and I walk over there, dude.

And it was a scariest walk ever because every moment of the walk was so scary. And I just was like rattled. And I got inside and I sat on the show. I couldn't even talk. I don't remember. And Daryl Strawberry was the guest. And I'd always thought he was like this drug addict. And here he was pure as a driven snow.

Sober. He's clean and sober. I think he still is. I hope he still is. But yeah, he can't. Joe Torrey told us about him about the plane going in that was really bad turbulence and Everyone was panicking, but Darrell was reading his Bible in the back. So, like, he turned around and, like, has this sober life.

And it's weird being fucked up around somebody that's sober. Oh. It's uncomfortable. And I'd always thought he was this way. And I'd always thought I was kind of, like, toe in the line and, you know, straight. And then it was this moment where everything. And that's when I got in a recovery rooms after that. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, that was literally the two days after. That show, like, you know, the Opian Anthony show was it was a different thing. Like, it was, an opiate idea what we could. It's hard to follow the O'Bian athlete show. You know what I mean? It's a hard act to follow, especially when it was uprooted

without any one of us wanting it to be uprooted. But, man, I look back at that show, and I'm really glad I was a part of that. Like, there was some really funny shit on that show. Great comics coming through, everyone being vicious to each other. Like, you know what I mean? It was a really, there was a lot of fun times on that show.

God, that was so fun. You got, it felt like the luckiest place in the world. There was no better call. you could get at the time in the country I don't think than to go on to that show and some people didn't even recognize it and that's fine fuck them but to go in there and sit in there with guys

DiStefano, Sherrod Small Pete Davidson, Mark Norman would be in there just like everybody Vic Henley like Greg um Florida oh Jim Florentine my bad yeah just all those guys man that was magical it was fun

and it was a good you would see your friends I mean the last time I saw Patrice I remember he was on he was on ONA and he was coming in one day and they're like hey Patrice is coming in either Thursday or Friday and we were just having an after show meeting and they're like do any preference and I remember going hey let's do Thursday because

I'm traveling Friday I won't be here and I wanted to see him and he came in and he did the show and that was the last time I saw him like so it's like you saw people that you would not have been likely to see coming through friends that were on the road you would always

get to see them because I'd come in the studio That I miss a lot Being in the center of that Like you know what I mean And you know everyone headlines So you don't see your friends anymore You'd probably go years without seeing guys that you like Totally

But you know there I would see guys come through And yeah man I really I love those days a lot It was special Yeah I felt like it was You got to go to You went to Ozzy's last show

Yeah me and Jim Florentine Who Florentine got me my first paid gig in comedy He's my oldest friend in comedy and we knew Sabbath was doing one more show so we went to London in Birmingham booked a couple of gigs just to pay for the trip and we did get to go to the show I'm so happy we went

yeah yeah and we said hello to Ozzie briefly at the end again he was very frail at that point he was in a wheelchair but we still got to say hello and I'm really happy we got to say hi at least and hey man I love the show it was great it was an unbelievable trip

we went to the Black Sabbath house We did a video where the, you know, you ever see the original Black Sabbath album cover, there's a woman in front of this ominous house. And we went there and we actually went up and looked inside. It was a really, it was like, you know, again, with your dumb friend, it's like, we should have done this 40 years ago.

Yeah. Like the fact that we did this in our late 50s, we should both be fucking pushed into a ditch to idiots. Oh, dude, yeah. Well, there's also shit you get into on the road. Did you get to see Jack or Kelly or, um... Yes, I saw both of them. them backstage uh he's awesome i don't know killy she's a sweetheart and she she actually uh you know

she told me she was getting married and she was very sweet and jack is always great um and it's funny the day auss i was supposed to be in la doing jack's podcast i was going out after sabbath to la for a day to do the podcast and uh the day before whatever they canceled they're like yeah ozzi died so you know it sucks nobody was expecting it this soon do you feel like like as you get older and people like like heroes start to kind of disappear what is that kind of like you do see it's almost like I look at us like we're on a production line like you know what I mean like going this way and the more of them that drop off the end

you're like oh my turn is coming like but I also am grateful like it makes you grateful like you get to know people you get to meet people you love who's the biggest hero you've met since you've been doing stand-up that you actually got to talk to um That's a good question. Or even the first one. Probably Chris Rock, I think. Really?

Like, for comedic hero, for sure. Like, getting to meet him was pretty, I thought was pretty special. Chris Prad, I really liked getting to meet just because I think there's something really special about him. Like, I think he's a great entertainer. But there's something I think really special about him. Are you shocked when they're fans of yours, too? Like, if you had anybody that you love who like... Jason Momoa, like the other day I was walking through somewhere and this big arm comes out and just pulls me.

and it was just like two different areas passed and there was an open door between and I was just like oh my god and I thought I said it's the guy from Shark Tank right I fucked up and he just started laughing and he said whatever show it was or whatever but he was just really nice

and like uh and he likes your show and he just said hey man I'm I just want to let you that I'm a fan of yours and yeah yeah things like that especially like if it's sometimes like a male figure I think it like um like I didn't have a lot of that when I was a kid, I didn't have, like, any male ever, like, being like, you know, I'm a fan ears or, like, I like, I like what you, you know, I just didn't have any of that energy in my life.

And so, like, even little moments like that, like, to me are big, you know. Um, even Dustin Porrier, he and I becoming friends over the years. Oh, I love him. I've never, he's one of the few guys in the UFC I haven't met. I love Dustin. Yeah. I mean, he kind of changed my life in some ways of like, um, just of like, uh, you know, I, so, you know, like, just checking in.

What's up, you know, just little things like that, you know, it makes you, I don't know like having like a tough figure that's like you know I'm looking out for you just something little thing like that even though it's not even it just kind of

it attaches itself to an old place in me that was missing part of a magnet yeah yeah 100% and when those click it like makes you feel something there's a weird thing too when you have figures like that

in your life who are checking in on you there's like a weird sense of like accountability in a way like even though you're not you're just friends but you still don't want your friend to say hey how you're doing

and you go uh fucking like you want to at least be doing something good and you're just your friends can keep you somewhat accountable. Like, you know what I mean? And not in the way that, you know, people use it now. Like, you got to be accountable for it.

Right. Like, that shitty fucking online, gotcha nonsense. These children are doing. But I mean, like, like, when you're personally just feeling like, I don't want to let this guy down, have him think I'm an asshole. Right. I'm going to get out of bed today

or I'm going to go do this extra thing. Just little things like that that keep people inspired. And then I think we all do that for each other in some ways, you know? Like, I'll get that feeling. Sometimes I'm just going to rattle this off to this person. even if they don't hit me back, that's fine. That's right. Just let them know, hey, man, I'm thinking about you.

Just like, you know, I think you're great or I care about you. You're doing great today. Just little things like that, you know. And I think sometimes my brother's like, well, those are things you really wish that people would say to you. And I'm like, that's fine. But I think the feeling I get is that I want to share it with somebody else. So it's still okay, right?

100%. And you're right. And the older you get and the more people that die, like the more people like that die of natural overdose, suicide. I mean, we've all, you know, sure, those things have. but when they start just dying of like hard issues or things that like are people things you're like oh fuck so you start telling people you love them more and like hey man i miss you like i'm not afraid to tell guys hey i miss you because like there's one day you're gonna be like

i wish i could say that to this person so i say it like you know what i mean and i like when patrice died he's just an example there's nothing in our relationship that went unsaid like there's nothing i wish oh man i wish he like we had a complete relationship you know what i mean like with and you make sure that with your close friends you have complete relationships so there's nothing that you go like oh my god for the rest of my life i'm going to wish that they knew that i felt this way do you know what i mean like and that's really important to me now is like these complete relationships like if bobby not to jinx bobby but if bobby or anthony or one of my dropped it i would i would they they know how i feel right we we know it's not like it went unsaid

do you ever think over time like did you think like you were missing relationships like that when you were younger like were you missing like some like do you think people could be like missing a connection with like a male figure and then that gets that gets that creates gay curiosity in somebody over time does that make any sense to you sure i mean what what creates curiosity in anybody i don't know like that could be one thing that causes it like because you're craving that connection and all of a sudden you're like well there's a sexual component to this too where I want to connect and I think it's sexual I don't know exactly what like I said what makes me have a pull right toward something but there are things like that that I think can influence it

like if you don't have any male figures in your life if you get close to a male figure you may love that person and then not know like wow is this love like I want to lay down with this person or is just a healthy normal I love you man like why do you have gay curiosity

I think there will know the well well there was time on my life where I like didn't like I was just definitely like a late bloomer with a lot of like um like intimacy of any type sure you know like I were like I was just talking about this the other day with a friend but it was like even now if a woman like looks at me it's like or says something nice I got to change the fucking subject I just it's hard for me to be in that moment right yeah it's hard for me to be right here and um but yeah growing up I just felt like I didn't get a lot of like uh I didn't have like a strong brotherly or fatherly connection and so like

When I started to get relationships like that with friends later on, I think it was a part of me for a little bit. It was like, oh, is this like a gay? Like, I was so desperate for those relationships. Yeah. So part of me, it had a wager in my head, like, is this a gay thing or is this just a friend thing? And then I had to learn how much can you just be a friend to somebody without kind of over, not seeming into a like a homosexual like space or sexual space, but just like into where it's awkward for. them because you're trying to be too much of a friend because you just have never had that sort of friendship.

Yeah, I mean, but there is a, it's a feeling that there's a definitive, like, a moat. Like, if I love one of my friends, I'm, I'm, like, Bobby or any of these guys, a Voss, rotten Voss, who I love, Colin, I love these guys. I mean, I really love them. And I can hug them and tell them, I love you. but there's a moat between that and wanting to peck them on the neck. Yeah, for sure.

There is a definitive line. And that's what people a lot of times don't do. Like any guys who are freaked out by my lifestyle, like, that's fucking gross. Like, most guys have to understand, like the idea of me having sex with you is as disgusting to me as it is to you. Like, it makes me nauseous to think about it.

Like, if any of my friends think I want to jerk off with them, they're very delusional. I don't, none of them. I don't care if they're built like Rogan. None of them. what I jerk off with. Yeah, glazing that ham, brother. None of them.

So it's like there is a line between love and really connecting with a friend and feeling intimate with a buddy, which I'm glad as an adult male I'm allowing myself to do. Like, I'm not afraid of that. And feeling sexual. They're completely different things for me.

But, you know, that's so, yeah, there can be a different, you can love somebody without having any of that stuff. Ian, I think you just hear so much, like, you know, when you're young, it's like there was always so many like you can't say this around a dude or something and a lot of that's kind of changed over the years especially me I'm a pretty emotional dude and so I like thinking about emotions and I like um you know I like kind of examining that stuff but yeah

I think there was probably there was probably some times where I was like is this am I like and also I was having so much trouble like communicating with women so it also to say well maybe I'm gay man you know maybe I'm gay man and I but then I never felt an attraction to men and so it was like um but i think some of that's pretty normal i'm amazed at a lot of my friends as i get older that um date trans uh prefer to date trans women yeah you'll you'll find a lot of people that's it's it's it's a it's a lot more than i ever expected yeah and it's part of people think like what it's this new thing but a lot of it is you people are just not hiding anymore right or they're just not as afraid of it or they're more aware of it because there's more people who are trans now

And there's more like, you know, with surgeries and estrogen and like, oh, wow, that person looks great. Like, there's so many things people do. It's just, it's a part of the culture. And it's not going to go away. Like, I know some people, I understand nobody wants an ideology beaten over their head. I get it. Nobody wants to be told how to feel. I don't scold people if they don't agree with me.

I don't care. Yeah. Plenty of people I know who I respect and like would find my lifestyle awful. It's always funny because I do a lot of Gutfeld episodes. And when I go on me... I've got to come there one time. He's great. He's a nice guy?

He's a great guy. He's a genuine, and he's really funny, and he's fair. And Jamie Lissa's on there sometimes, huh? Jamie's great on that show. Oh, I love Jamie. Tyrus is really great at what he. He's just a very naturally funny, good talker. Tyrus is a big guy, and he's mixed, right?

He's mixed. He lives in the town that I'm from in Louisiana. Oh, he's from Louisiana. That's right. He goes home all the time. That's cool. I saw him at the gym one time. He's inspired me in a way because he lost so much weight recently.

Like, it made me get back to the gym. I'm like, and I know for him it's been. in his struggle. And I'm like, he's doing it. He's putting up videos of himself boxing. I'm like, just get in the fucking gym. Dude, he looks like all of the Lion King in one person. He does.

He's in a respectable way. Very intimidating. And Cat, I don't want to leave Cat Timphouse. She's fucking hilarious. It's a great show. So anyway, I do that and I go on the road. A lot of those fans don't know me except from that show. Oh, that's hilarious.

It's so, nothing I like more than watching the joy just drained from. their face when they realize who they paid to see but I you know more people I guess now are more comfortable being themselves because you also

it's like you know I mean I was a when I was a kid I was older than you since in the 70s I got called a faggot all the time I got beaten up and chased by older kids for doing little sexual things with boys the word gets out he's a faggot like it was nasty

so wow it's nice that people aren't being treated that way anymore I didn't know that you had had that kind of stuff happen and well i i think kids got called that like i certainly got called shit just for being like being smart in a neighborhood where it was uncomfortable to know shit yeah um you know like uh i wish it was for that reason but no that's not why they called me that i was nose deep on a belly button i earned it hey some people call it penis some people call it long pussy you know that's a new term for it a long pussy yeah like let's just say she's

He's got a long pussy, you know? But, dude, yeah, people are such perverts now, who even? But then also, it is crazy because there has been this energy that we've all been following this, like, astute level of our government and this. But then now you realize, oh, half these guys are damn pedophiles running around, skeeting on fucking, you know, kids off the coast of fucking wherever. It's like, what's going on? That's why I don't believe any of it.

Like, they're talking about the marriage and the sanctity of marriage, and then you find out that person's divorced. Like, man, I don't, I don't want to hear you weigh in. If you're divorced, shut the fuck up about who can get married because you didn't do it right. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't believe any of it. It's just like I don't believe progressives when they're talking about, you know, being so pious and the purity checks they put everyone through. It's like, you're full of shit too.

All your friends are white. Shut up. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I don't believe any of them. When people are saying that have never lived in the South of how things should be in the South, fuck you. Calm down, live in our neighborhoods for a little bit.

see what the shit is like you know it's the same sometimes with the border stuff I don't know what it's like to live on the border in Brownsville Texas I don't know what people's lives are like right there I don't know the fears people have when they put their kids to sleep at night I don't know the fears people have who are trying to come over who are trying to give their kids a place where they can go to sleep at night

like I don't know what that's like so like I have thoughts about it sometimes but to really be like so definitive and shit it's crazy to me well you yeah and because you dealing with the immigration with Nikki which again We did it legally, and it's a long... The immigration system should be sped up.

Like, it should be a 24-hour system that's always got people working because it's like your life is ticking away and you're waiting, and they're sending paperwork through the U.S. mail. It's like, Jesus Christ. Like, these are like... Which is just a trap.

The mail, it's basically like handing a letter to a black guy and hoping he takes it where it's supposed to go. Yeah, just here you go. Please bring that to the government. This is the request for evidence. Here it is. when there's so much more,

it's a government, anything with the government is not going to be efficient. So immigration, they really should streamline it more and hire more people. Because I understand why people hopped the fence,

but I don't agree with it because we did it legally. But I'm lucky I could afford a lawyer. Like a lot of people can't afford attorneys. So I kind of go back and forth with it. Well, it's nuanced, you know? And people get up so upset

about the ICE thing, but here's what I think people don't understand. We're headed to a surveillance state, I believe, in America. Yeah. Like they're doing this, like the Palantir has this new deal. They're the same ones that are like owning all these drones

and operating a lot of these drones in Gaza and stuff. They're company, right, Palantir? Yeah, allegedly. That are sniping children. I mean, we had a doctor and he said bullets would come straight down it like from a butt, like a succinct shot. So that's the same company. Like you won't be able to be in like hypothetically

or on paper illegal person in America in two years. I don't think because the radar will go off. Like the facial recognition will go. You can't do it. So they're getting all the paperwork organized now. They're just taking inventory right now, and I know it's painful. With the fate,

you're right, the facial recognition. Like, I don't mind it at the airport. Like, I know some people won't let them take the picture. But I show up at the airport sometimes, and I just take a picture of my fucking,

my, my stupid face, and I just walk through, I love it. Anything that makes my life easier. And I know there's so many civil libertarians are telling me to go fuck myself. You're right.

Fine. I don't care. I mean, I'm 57. I just like fucking going on a plane fan. Oh, I wish things were different a lot of times, but also here we are, right? It's like I can wish things were different. I can romanticize that we're still before 9-11, but that's not where we are right now.

We're in this fucking place. But I believe that's why all the stuff with ICE, so people sometimes are still like they shouldn't be doing. I know, I understand people have different feelings, but there's no other way to get to where we're headed by them getting everybody on the books. And I would like to get people like criminals, once you commit a crime. crime get out like yeah or hang i'm i'm fine with hangings i'm fine with executions for some people yeah no no no but those who really misbehave yeah although it's funny i've turned against the death penalty like how you but not they always say it's cruel and unusual punishment there's there's a there's a line in an injustice role where he's talking about something he goes

in theory it's great but in practice it sucks i think in theory the death penalty is allowable like i don't think it's cruel and unusual i think people who hurt children and kill children i'm for their fucking heads being mushed between two giant pieces of metal. I just don't trust the system enough and I don't trust prosecutors enough to back off. Like there's so many times that they care more

about the record of the office than they do the actual truth. So that's the only reason that's turned against it. It's nothing to do with it being I think it's a perfectly allowable thing but our system isn't perfect. That's a good point. Do you know what I mean?

It's like when a coach runs up the score at the end of the game. Like how do you know that that that prosecutor's office isn't just trying to run up the score because maybe they're trying to make their office look better with so many deals and they're going to sell to a bigger company. You just never know. That's a great point.

And they don't want to pay lawsuits. So I just don't trust the integrity of the people who will look bad if it's overturned. And you look back, there's enough prosecutorial misconduct. We're like, ah, not technicality shit. Not where a guy had bloody underpants in his fucking house, but the search warrant had the wrong date on it.

Like, I'm not talking about technical shit. But there are people who legitimately didn't commit the crime. And then you see, like, evidence that wasn't given to their attorneys. Yeah, happens a lot. I just can't get around. There's a lot of poor people, too. Much more than rich people. That's a good point, too.

Like, so if everyone got the same level of legal representation. It's not what happens, though. Yeah, and I don't think it's racial. I think it's money. Like, if you have enough money for great lawyers, you have enough money for great lawyers. Yeah. But if you don't, you get some guy that's overworked who's doing. doing it, you know, because he has to do it, pro bono.

You're not going to get the level of experts and all these people that can refute evidence. So whatever, that's how I feel about it. But I do think that emotionally, I agree with it. Like, you know what I mean? I get why people want to cut throats. What's also, it starts to think, is there bad DNA in the universe? Sure, you're looking at it. Yeah.

This is a fucking, Dommer's Petri dish over here. Yeah, there's five foot six of fucking. bad DNA. Did you guys ever get to, did you guys ever get to interview O.J. Sim did you guys ever interview a murderer? Did we ever? I don't know if he ever,

I've interviewed Frank Lucas, who was in, who was the American, that wasn't that guy, wasn't? No, he was American gangster that Denzel played him. But there's a moment where he went up and shot somebody.

So he might qualify. I'm dying to interview Sammy the Bull. I'm dying to talk to him because I, is fascinating. You know who one of the best guys we ever talked to was? It was this giant cop

from Milwaukee. His name was something Kennedy. He was six foot seven. And he was the cop who debriefed Jeffrey Dahmer. When they arrested Dahmer and they brought Dahmer to the station house, he's the cop,

the detective that Dahmer first talked to. And he said at first he didn't believe him because he was like, yeah, I killed all these people. And then he said he got a call from the scene and they're like, yeah, with the refrigerator, we found heads. and then he had to go back over it

Yeah Patrick Kennedy Patrick Kennedy, yeah He died unfortunately He looks young He was a giant six foot seven Beast of a man Very nice guy

But he And he admitted that when Dahmer died He got emotional Because he had gotten to know him And he goes He got a little bit He cried He said when Jeffrey Dahmer was killed

Because he was a bad guy But he's still You know whatever When you know someone you know him But a murderer That's a good guy I don't know but never OJ

never talked to OJ I corresponded with him once I sent him a DM trying to get him on the radio show and he did respond to me but we never got him on this was after he got out of jail for the Vegas thing

my buddy has a story where they were in New York one night and they were doing some cocaine and this was after the murders and somebody was like oh I don't have a key on me and OJ pulled a knife out of his jacket and they did it off of the knife.

He, Jimmy did the lock? No, they just... Oh, the Coke. The Coke. They were doing the cocaine and they pulled the knife out and they did the... And they were all looking at him

like it was fucking crazy that he would do that. Why would you carry that? And the only thing crazy than that is me acting like someone's aunt. What they couldn't get in the house? What an asshole. How did I miss the point of that?

I apologize. I'm stupid. I'm a stupid man. You're talking about doing Coke and I'm like, what, did they Jimmy the lock? Oh, fucking blizzard. Lithering old idiots. I'm an old man.

Yeah, that's a very bizarre. Maybe O.J. had to at that point, though, because, you know, people had such strong feelings about that. Maybe he was afraid somebody was going to jump out and take a shot out of him or attack him. I never met him. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like we had a chance to meet him when he was doing podcasts and he was getting paid

for them for a while. Yeah. And we didn't buy it. We didn't go into that. I would love to, I bet Kavorki in once, but Ron Bennington, I think, interviewed him. And he was there. took a picture with Dr. Kavorki, but I would love to have gotten to talk to him, but I never got to talk to him, unfortunately. Some of them, he's just like, fuck. Did you guys have Trump

on your show sometimes? He called in a couple of times. Matt and I, for UFC Unfiltered, interviewed Trump. It was before he got the nomination for the, we knew he was going to get it, but it was like, Biden was president. And he, we, they reached out to us. They like, do you want to interview President Trump? We were like, yeah. So we went to Vegas, and we did it in the, um, we did it in the the Trump Hotel. And he was really great. Like, it was a sports interview. Because Dana's like, I don't want this to be politics.

This is not a political show. We talked to him for about 40 minutes. About boxing and stuff? Boxing, MMA. Because Trump was a great friend to the UFC. He was a tremendous asset to the UFC long before they had what they have now. And Dana speaks about that a lot. His brain, dude, his brain, whether people love them politically or not, doesn't matter.

I sat in the room with him. His fucking brain was really sharp. People thought we had cue cards set up because his answers were so on the money and he remembered every fighter and he remembered every fight. And people are like, these guys had cue card set up

and he was very sharp. And he was nice to my wife when I introduced him. So I had a great time talking to him. Yeah. You can't not. Anybody who wins the presidency has some form of charisma.

Oh, yeah. I'm always people like, you had that. Dude, what are you talking about? Do you know the street I grew up on? if I did an interview a president and I had a chance. Yeah. If I didn't sit with people, whether I agree with them or don't agree with them, like, how the fuck am I supposed to know anything about them

or get any feeling as a human as to what they may or may not be like or how they operate? It's like, I would sit down with the devil probably and at least see if I could get a feel for some of his future plans. Absolutely. And then just I would keep looking at his little cloven feet. Where do you get your shoes from, Dev? But yeah, who wouldn't want to sit with you?

the press like again and he was nice i would i would show the same respect to biden or camel and any of them i talked to i would be respectful to and and have a nice conversation with there's this weird line or people like how could you talk to trump shut up yeah you shut the fuck up you don't have the chance to talk to any of these people and i don't mean that in a negative way but fuck you yeah i absolutely agree with whoever the wants to interview somebody why should just the the quote unquote press have access to people if they're willing to come on and talk why wouldn't you talk to me. It's insane. Some of those guys interviewed Netanyahu and I did not

like that, though. Oh, you did? So you had that kind of feeling. Yep, I'm just thinking that out loud. So I guess there's a part of me that doesn't really feel that way. But if you didn't, there's a difference between not liking something and vocally, and vocal. You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you choose not to. Would you, maybe you could interview and ask some tough questions. I think I would probably try to ask him stuff that really means something to me. Sure. And that's fair. Like that, they know that if you're Netanyahu, or you're Trump or you're Biden, you know that, you know that

when you go into an interview, part of it might be this guy asking you questions from a belief system that is not yours. So you might hear things you don't like. But yeah, that'd be the best thing to do is to interview him and ask him shit that he might not want to answer, but that you want to know the answer to it. Do you think that's better than not interviewing somebody? It's personal preference. I mean, I don't think you're wrong to not want to talk to somebody. I think if you go, nah, I'd rather not. I think that's perfectly fair. But I think that part of the thing, too is when you're sitting in the room with somebody no matter who they are.

Even if you hate them, there is sometimes something about them that you connect to and like and it becomes harder to hate them. Again, they think it to be a politician. I've met people. Like Lauren Bobart, I don't know her. I don't agree with her politics. And I met her once, and she was very nice.

The kid rocks, not his girlfriend, is it? I don't know. I met her, she was at a Kill Tony event. But she was so nice. And I enjoyed chatting with her. And it's like even if I don't agree with her, I don't have the same feelings about her that are bad. Like, you know what I mean? Because I've met her and she was nice.

Oh, for sure. It's harder for me to look at her like just this person who's got no real feelings and no real connection to anything. Oh, yeah. She got them bumpers on her too. She is quite attractive. Yeah, yeah, she looks great. I got zero vibes off her.

But, I mean, she's, you know, as I shouldn't have. Yeah, it doesn't matter. But she was nice. So when you meet somebody, sometimes you think you know what they're going to be like and they wind of impressing you and you're like, it's harder for me to dislike that. Right. But although not you, not in Yahoo's, that's such a controversial issue.

I'm not saying you would like the guy. But you know what I mean? Sitting across from him, you may feel differently or you may hate him more. Right. Yeah, there is something about sitting across from somebody you're at least sitting across from them. There is some connection of like spatial energy

of something like that of like, because I think it is human to want to find some commonality with people. Yeah, you want to find something that you kind of, Like it's funny, we were interviewing one time Ben Kingsley And I remember talking to him He was he was in like he was in He's just, he's an actor

He was in I think Did he play Gandhi? He might have played Gandhi He's been in everything I mean He's Kingsley Yeah he's been Did he play Gandhi

I could be He's a very famous actor He had a great Great Yeah he was Gandhi And he's been around for you I was thinking of I was Peter Billingsley

I know that name too He is The guy who kissed that pipe any guys, tongue stuck on it? Oh, in the, uh, Christmas story. Yes, yes. But we were just talking to Ben Kingsley. Okay, so Ben Kingsley.

No, no, no, I just remember talking to him and he was answering me. And I remember thinking, at any other circumstance, this guy wouldn't fucking spit on me. Like, he would never talk to me at a party or at a premiere. But in this weird setting, I'm like, so what about, and he's like, well, and he's like giving a real answer. and it's such an odd thing interviewing somebody like people that normally would never acknowledge you now have to listen to you and actually think about how to answer your question. It's a weird psychology. And I remember that just struck me when I was talking to him because our worlds are so different.

Like he would never talk to me in real life. Got it. And I've never talked to him again. Right. I see what you're saying. But I can't think of someone I wouldn't interview. But maybe if it was brought up in front of me, I might say no. Yeah.

I can't think of anyone. I think I would just, I start to realize that some people will just use you. They, and you don't realize it. Like, I used to think like everybody just wants to come and they want to have a conversation and stuff. You can learn stuff about each other. But then some people just want to use, like, they'll use you to get their message out there. And I think I didn't realize sometimes that that's how things work.

Yes. And so I think I've noticed that more over time. So maybe that would keep me out of certain conversations, you know? It depends on, maybe like with Yahoo. You're afraid that he would just use you to message? I feel like his group is so calculated that they would be able to do it in a way that I wouldn't even maybe see it, you know? I don't know. I think that all, anyone in public life, especially in like official politicians,

congressmen, they all do this thing where they have talking points and they're very, they're masters at veering back to a talking point. And when they're bad at it, we hate them. Sometimes they're good at it and you don't realize they're doing it. But most times we're savvy enough to go, what are you fucking to like, look, you know, you'll be like, what about that thing where they did find the dead prostituted your closet. No, I know, but the thing with the economy is, and they're right back to talking about their... And you're like, you didn't answer the fucking question.

That's why so many of them are so hateable. Because I think we've gotten a little bit better at seeing it now. For sure. When they're back on their talking points. Yeah. And that's why I love the interview that we did with Trump because it was just...

It really was just a conversation about sports. And I would love to... I wish I had that he talked to Kim Jong-un. I didn't get to say that to him. I wish I had. I just forgot. afterwards, but we were saying our goodbyes and he was taking pictures of everybody.

And I wish I had told him. Like, I love that he went to North Korea and tried. Like, I love that he made an effort with that little short, weird guy. It'd be cool, huh? You think Un is cool or what? If you're a Chicago Bull, yeah.

Like, if you played for the Bulls, he's awesome. Right. You know, if your uncle is in the military and made a questionable decision, you're executed. I imagine there's a downside to it. Depends on who you are. Yeah, dude, he looks fucking cool.

dude. He looked interesting to be... Like, here's what I would think with him. I would be afraid that I'd be in North Korea and there's a language barrier and he would want to toast with alcohol

and I would try to tell him like I'm an alcoholic so I'd have to refuse the drink and that would start a whole you insulted the leader thing. Yeah, you wouldn't know I think sometimes whenever you insulted them I think that would be kind of...

Yeah, something like that could be really mis-skewed or something. You know, fascination me the Sultan of Brunei. Really? Who owns like the Beverly Hilton? Like that's a guy who lives

that'd be a fun guy to know. I might go to Dubai Abu Dhabi for UFC in October. Who's fighting in November? I don't know

what the card is yet. I see you at all the events. Even if I'm home watching I'm on the road, they always pan to you, you're always there early. I love it in there early, yeah. Well, I just get to see,

like, you know, Chris Wydenman was fighting on his retirement fight I think was fighting on the, I think it was the main car. It might have even been the first fight of the main card or something, but like, I mean, there's just so many great fights.

I just can't believe that people aren't. these are like guys that are going in there and women that are giving it there i mean it's like where are you i wish i scheduled better because they just announced uh i think jack dala madalena and macachev at the uh uh in the garden in november and i immediately look at my schedule i'm in oregon and i'm like nothing against oregon no but it's just hurts yeah i probably didn't even say it right yeah or the fuck your dumb state is i'm coming what um oh you know what of my favorite conversations was it ever had honestly it was with louis it was whenever we chose

because we didn't know each other at all right right and we like we just laughed and got to know each other and then after that we became closer but that was one of my favorite podcasts ever probably he loves you and it's funny your name came up while we were traveling and he's like he's a really great guy he just raved about you i didn't know that he were going to be talking to him or i was going to be even uh you were going to be seeing him uh this week it was a nice surprise uh yeah he's a special guy he is and he's uh it'd be hard to be him i feel like because he has so many thoughts and he's so able to like look around the corner of thoughts and possibilities like i mean really to like

like fuck it almost feels like it'd be scary to be him he has that make any sense no 100% because his brain operates so well like it's such an interesting and unique brain like he helped me fix a joke that i wound up doing in the special he saw me doing it the seller he's like you might want to say it like this and i didn't it fixed it was better like Like, so when you have a guy like that, like he just sees something and he lasers in on it. And the material is so good. His new hour is so good. And he's changing the order every night, trying this, trying that.

You know, yeah, he's brilliant, man. That word is overused on people, but he truly is brilliant. Getting your sweat on might seem like hard work. But with symmetry sauna, it's a work of art. premium custom saunas for your home or business plus a series of sleek pre-built saunas. I just got myself a symmetry sauna and I'm sweating out bad decisions, like the time I tried to just fill my own chip tooth in. Why sauna? Well, it relieves sore joints and muscles, improves skin, boosts heart health, and melts stress like hot butter.

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the perfect balance of form and function. Learn more about how to get your own premium home sauna from symmetry sauna at symmetry sauna.com slash t-h-e-o. I think, oh, did you grow up in New Jersey, right? I did central Jersey, yeah. Did you get to ever meet James J. Braddock or not?

Who's James J. Braddock? The Cinderella man? Never met him. Where's he from in Jersey? We may have missed it. Bergen? No, but that's not that far from me. Joey Diaz used to shovel his driveway.

Is he dead or alive? Joey's alive, but this guy's dead. No, I know Joey, yeah. James Earbraddick is dead. Joey's alive. But if I didn't know if Joey Diaz was, that would be sucked if he was dead. I was like, oh, sorry, I just talked to him. Yeah, Braddock, dude, that Cinderella man's the best.

You've seen that? Have I seen that? I don't think I have. Wow. I don't think I have. No, and I was six when he died. I was born in 68. Oh, yeah.

I didn't realize he died that early. Oh, you and Nikki got to watch. Put on some condoms and watch this thing, dude. Condoms, forget it. Not before, during, or after our marriage, while every use one of those. Boole of those things. When did it?

But, oh, this is my favorite movie. I just watched Silver Lining's Playbook again. That movie's so good. That was very good. Yeah, De Niro and Bradley Cooper. I just watched Irish the Irish Mickey Ward movie, The Fighter. I don't know if I saw that. Oh, it's so good.

I think we've interviewed Mickey Ward, though. But I don't remember if I could see that. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he's still alive, right? He's out. I don't know what he was promoting. But UFC guys, by the way, are the nicest of all the athletes to interview.

So funny. I've interviewed. Boxers tend to be a little standoffish, a little too cool for the room. You keep the sunglasses on. But UFC five, there's a humility to them. And Rogan said it's because, like, they get tapped a lot in the gym.

When you're training, you're being submitted and you're submitting. So there's a humility there that you keep. Because there's always somebody kind of getting the better of you. And maybe that's what it is. I don't know. But I like those guys the best. I think that makes sense. Oh, yes.

Getting to be around some of those guys. Dude, I accidentally called one of the fighters' steeped meal chicken. It was not him. Oh, no. And I asked a woman? I asked two UFC employees. I was like, yes, that's him. And I went over to say, and it wasn't.

It was John Drakowicz, Braun, Jan Blahovic? John Blahovich. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just fucking scary for a minute. Would you say, hey, Steepa? Yeah. I was like, hey, how's the retirement going? And I think he didn't want to, you know, if a guy's not retired,

you probably don't want to hear that. And I kind of like tickled him a little because I know Stepe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just fucking tough. But, you know, you win something with some. He did give me a nice look later on that made me feel a little bit better, but just you got to be careful. Like, yeah, it's funny.

Like, it's almost like whenever you get too, like, you're like around a pit bull for a little while at a party. You're like, oh, now we're buddies. Yeah. You just want to be a little careful. sometimes you run those guys. You want to be a little bit careful because you never know

what past trauma you remind them of in a minute when you do something. I was in L.A. one time many years ago, and I walked up and it was Patrick Swayze was coming out of a restaurant. So I walked up. Was he handsome?

Very. And I go, dude, I love you. Can we take a picture? And I'm like, I'm such a fan, Patrick. And he goes, I'm not Patrick. And it was David Keith. and he was with a date Whoa

That was embarrassing That was fucking embarrassing I thought it was Swayze It wasn't Oh that is heavy I could see that a little bit That was years ago It looks like Robert Wool actually

Oh did I fuck up I just got nervous It was Keith David you mean Oh David Keith Keith One's black one's white Oh David Keith Keith Sorry did I say Keith David Click on Keith David

Keith David's black If it was him Yeah he was in platoon Mr. Swayze He wasn't like Yeah no no This guy is fucking not doing well David Keith is white

He was in an officer and a gentleman David Keith's a great actor Oh yeah I just panicked Oh for sure I was just nervous Keith David I met in an airport one time In LAX

The coolest guy in history He's wearing like a completely white suit And white coat with a fucking white hat He's just awesome Yeah He was also in that That Michael Douglet What was the movie

Platoon? No. Spartacus? It was a drug movie where the girl, Requiem for a dream, I think he was in. Oh, that movie was interesting.

Yeah. I think Jared Letto was in that. And he was really, Keith David is tremendous. But in Platoon, you know. Yeah, that was a different time. Yeah. That was embarrassing.

I relate to that. It's humiliating. Yeah, I'm trying to think, I know there's been something like that that I've had, but I think sometimes that is can't, I think sometimes my brain just shuts down. Do you ever panic around people like that?

like where like my brain is not working and I'm just like lost and I'm like I know I should be more comfortable like but they're famous or whatever it is. Oh yeah. I met John Johnny Depp came to the comedy store one night and it's still like a moment of lore because it was like Doug Stanhope brought him. Yeah. And they were in the green room at the

in the main room and everybody was in there and I was like I got there and they're like don't tell anybody Johnny Deft's here and I knew when they're telling me. I was like they've told everybody if they're telling me. And so I go back in there and then all you know it like you don't even know who else in the room was like 50 people in this little room and John and then like I got to somehow got to say I said hello

mr. Johnny Depp and then I had nothing else to say and it was very uncomfortable and I realized I was just there for me kind of and I just got out of there yeah it's embarrassing because you want to say something but sometimes a person's famous and I like their work but I don't have anything to say to them like yeah I admire your work and that's kind of uh you know where do you go from there if you have nothing legitimate to say and I've I've done that I've done that I've humiliated myself but they gotta be used to it too they're like

and some of them will be helpful to you they'll kind of ask you something to fucking put you back on your feet you know or someone will shake you and be like you're not a f*** son or whatever you know like no one's ever shaking me and said that

I've tried to say that in the mirror and I just want up laughing Jim has a crash chest dummy and he's just like one of those battling dummies but he just uses to give it uplifting positive

semi-homosexual like you're straight Jim yeah now you're not get back in there Jim you're straight

you can do it you it's not scary it doesn't have teeth yeah no I oh my here's my Johnny Depp story I was at I got invited to

it was Ozzie's actual 70th birthday party I got to go to that wow in the US in it was in his house in Beverly Hills and it was amazing

There was a lot of great people there and Johnny Depp was walking around and I was talking to him and he was very nice and I talked to him three or four different times we took a picture and then I realized

it was a Johnny Depp impersonator stupid no showbiz Jim Norton like my aunt again I fell for it I it was a Johnny Depp 20 years younger than Johnny Depp by the way

and I fucking fell for it hookline and sinker all night you're over there I do it I'm like Johnny Depp a picture. I've gotten, Dice got me on the road years ago. We were on the road in like late 90s. He goes, that's Charlie Daniels. So I took a picture with this guy.

It was just some fucking hayseed in a cowboy hat. Oh, they got me so good. They got me. One time we were in the airport, it was an Opie and Anthony trip. We were going somewhere. And one of the Jonas brothers was talking to his dad. They were traveling and I'm not a fan of the Jonas

brothers. And I don't know their names. But I'm like, I got a I'll take a picture with him. So I walk over and I just start talking to this 15-year-old kid and his dad. And I just want to take a picture if you don't mind. And I look and they're all laughing. And I realize it's just some fucking kid with his dad. I creepily approached him 15-year-old.

They're sitting in the airport eating lunch. And some fucking old blinking petter-ass-looking guy wants a photo with this boy. Guys, cough. Oh, my. Cool, cold coffee. And the Faust's head. Is this nothing better than her head movements? Oh my God, dude.

She looks like the cop in Dog Day afternoon. Just keep us off drinks. Keep us off drinks. But yeah, that was a... I've gotten God a few times like that, thinking it's a fucking celebrity. It's humiliating. But I deserve it.

Yeah, and we all need stuff like that, man. It's the stuff like that that just keeps you alive, I feel like. Yeah, and when you get one of your friends... And, like, I do like the ability to, like, just go, like, you're an idiot. It's fine. Yeah, to laugh at yourself. And what better think to hit on a kid and also realize you're not a pedophile? Well, I wasn't hit.

I didn't think he was cute. I just wanted a picture. I wasn't hitting on him. I didn't say to him, son, if you need to go to the restroom, may I escort? No, I was just trying to think a picture while they ate lunch, some fucking kiosk at the airport. And the father, they looked at me like, what? And then I just happened to see Anthony and the rest of the guy's fucking laughing. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, they got me.

I'm like, sorry. I just don't want to have my camera out. Fucking jerk off. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. Oh, I don't know why that's for some reason. It's just so perfect. That was one thing I was nice about before, like, social meeting and everything.

Like, everything was possible. Nobody in a moment's notice could be like, that's not them or this isn't possible. You could lie to people, but you couldn't lie to, but you could make stuff up. There was so much room for creativity and possibility and everything because everybody didn't have all of the, like, hypothetical answers at the, at the, at their way. information by looking at, yeah, like I could have just Googled them and then seeing, and I imagine I could have at that point either. I was just so, thought it would be so much fun to get a picture with one of the Jonas brothers.

Yeah. I get pictures of people, I don't give a fuck. I stopped doing that now as I'm older, but for a long time I did it because it was fun. We had so many celebrities coming through your world, too. At one point, there were a lot, yeah. I mean, that show was crazy. To be in that lobby in that big building in New York, like, especially for young comics, you go there, and there's like, it looks like outer space when you get there downstairs,

is the first time if you haven't been in there and it's those glass like something turns green and it opens it up but first you have to go talk to somebody who's usually a diversity hire

I'm gonna say it in a suit over there downstairs and they would call up to somebody magically somewhere you would get the thumbs up they give you a little barcode and now you're like the door's open

and then ping and it just the elevator like almost is like come in here and then you and then you go so high to your ears pop and you get out and like fucking Van der Holyfield is in the lobby

or like Doja Cat or fucking Katie Perry everybody's waiting to go into some little enclave to get their voice out to the world It was crazy It was crazy and Stern was right down the hall too So he would always have huge guests I nailed McCartney coming out of his studio one time I got a picture with McCartney

That was a big one Pele I got Like I've got if they weren't there for my show I still would if they're in the lobby I'm like it's fair game I'm usually they would take it you know, because you're in that, it's kind of a closed environment. But yeah, that was one, that was one, that's a good shot with us, too.

I've always hated how my dumb neck looks. But, yeah, because I was doing it for a selfie. And then McCarty goes, let my guy do it. So I handed it to his security guy. He was actually very nice. And, yeah, that's a great, a great shot. That's a pretty good pitcher, man. It's very risky handing it to someone else, too, because you have no control of what they're going to do.

No control. But because Paul suggested it, I knew the guy would do it. like do as he was at. Like, it wasn't like I just handed it to some guy and I'm like, quickly, you know, he asked the guy and he probably knew, like, let me just get this fucking weird egg-headed kid out of here and go about my day.

Yeah, this is a special needs adult. Yeah, it is. I don't look particularly mentally healthy there or handsome. Did you feel like you were handsome when you were a kid or not? Never. Really? No, I look back now. I was like, I was a cute little boy.

I look back, I was like, yeah, when I was, I get why a lot of the older kids saw my, face and deserved uh that we should hump that i got it i got i got it i got a lot of predators in your neighborhood and shit no we were all in the same age group there was maybe a couple but uh no we were i i my therapist tells me i was molested but i was like yeah i was kind of volunteering for it i was there for it you know what i mean like i was yeah i was hanging out on the mistletoe type of uh yeah i was i was in on it you know uh oh that's me of 17 that's you know exactly

That's you? That's me at 17. Oh, my God. Yeah, young urban gym with a lot of attitude. Wow, I did not see this. You look like somebody that would work for Neil Brennan. You know what I'm saying? You look like a black, definitely like a young wigger type of child.

Yeah, that hat really should have been removed from my head white with the clockwork orange shirt. I didn't know what I wanted to be. It's a, yeah, oh yeah, you're doing a lot of things here. That's why when I see people with these identity crises, like with the, uh, when especially when they're like political about it or whatever. I understand the identity crisis. We all have them in time. And eventually you grow into who you are.

Oh, yeah, dude. I was doing the black thing for as a while for a kid. I did the like the Nirvana thing, Stone Temple Pilots, you know. I did all the things. Marilyn Manson, I went down a lot of different roads. The religious, you know, like different things. Just like, you're like, yeah, you're trying shit on. You're trying stuff on?

Like, and that was, I was into like the little white kid who thinks she's black. I was doing that long before it was fashionable. Like in the 80s. Like, you know, when Adidas still had fat laces and that was considered. But then you grow out of it. And then you just kind of, somebody said one time, like, instead of looking for who you are, just get rid of all the shit that you're not and whoever you are just shows up. And that kind of made sense.

Like, just stop looking for it and just live and you'll find. But I see so many people in life that are looking for an identity. That's what so much of this stuff is, public, you know what I mean? People that are so adamant always talking, always talking about the same thing. always talking about the same thing. You're like, you want an identity. You just, you're looking to, you want a little prefab identity, like a little.

And do you think there's a way that we can get to know, like, so one of the things you just said is like get rid of the things that you're not, right? Sure. Like, yeah, how do we find our identity more? Because I wonder if we used to be better at that. I feel like if we used to have more of communication with like our parents, you know, like back in like almost like caveman time. So was there something more that your identity was kind of

of shape with just being able to survive right and now we have this all this other like this all this other fucking ornamentation that helps us get a reflection of ourselves i just wonder if it was different or if how do we find our identity better i wonder well there's also no do as less pressure then because now immediately everybody weighs in so there's this pressure to weigh in so we don't drown like we want to just be above the above sea level we just want to survive and be noticed and be a lot so there's no time for it. It's almost like that's why people have these, again, these almost like big, like when you see a house being driven down the street on the

back of a flat bed, like that prefab, pre-built house, that's how people are with politics and with social issues. There's no time to go looking for nuance and it's like, okay, that's my, that's why I am. And that's what's what I'm associated with, everybody's so afraid of being run over by all of it. So I think

just don't listen to what everybody else is saying. I don't give a shit what other people think about stuff. I don't begrudge them, but I don't care. like I have plenty of friends whose politics I totally disagree with I don't give a fuck Did you always have a tough time When you were young

Like finding your like deciding I'm gonna make my own choice for myself Can you bring me one more water Trevin We'll finish up in a couple minutes That's fine I have to piss I can't believe we're gonna go on this long How long in the time?

Probably two hours What? You want to pee really fast? Can I? Yeah because I'm loving this chat There's a bathroom right behind that curtain Oh okay awesome Awesome

Dude one thing I noticed about having a pee dude Is as I get older that kind of is not fun, but here's what I notice is some of these underpants, the stuff on them is too tight. So all night, your bladder has to pee even with just a little bit of liquid in it. It's pressing all night. You're absolutely right.

And also the fact getting fatter doesn't help. Like when I fly, I hate that feeling pressing on my bladder. I always wear sweatpants and no underwear when I fly. And it's not to be creepy. It's because this way I feel like I'm not as confined as I was. I piss constantly So the fact that I can go For however long we've been talking without peeing

Every time I do Rogan I got to pee at least twice Oh yeah, it's so hard in there Yeah but I'll always just go out I gotta piss And usually he does too So it's not a big deal But like sometimes you just talk right through it And you're like I have to go to the bathroom What am I doing?

Oh when like when you're riding the bag When you're sleeping a night And you have to pee and you don't get up Yep That mesmerizing dark thing you do You're like I'm just gonna lay here Have you ever wet the bed as an adult? Oh no as a kid

I wet the bed all Oh, I went the bed, I was probably 27. I wet once. Last time I did, I know, I've done it more recently than that. I've done it since my wife has been there, too. A few times I've wet the bed. But I don't care. I don't feel bad.

Sam used to think I was crazy. But I'm like, it happens once in a while. You sleep every night and you pee every day. You don't think they're going to cross paths once in a while? Yeah, like two ships passing them once in a while. They meet. You think it's crazy? Yeah, once in a while you're asleep and you have to piss.

And you're like, no, you dream. about being in a pool, you dream about it being in the ocean, and you wake up and there's urine on you. And I go right back to sleep. I'll throw a towel on it, of course. I'm not an animal. Oh, I'll put a little sawdust on it. A little something, and I'll lay into it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but I remember as a kid, I was so scared going to bed that I had to do all these checks and balances in my room because I didn't realize why I wet the bed for so long. And it wasn't like about six months ago, I was remembering, oh, dude, well, when you went to bed every night, you would have to like look in open a door

look in a closet look at a certain way lean something against the door on the inside then on the outside you'd have to like look at certain like it was no joke it was probably a 13 minute process every night were you afraid of

I was just afraid of like people getting in from outdoors I was afraid of like killers these hypothetical kind of boogeymen you know and we lived in like a kind of scary neighborhood so I was just scared of all that but I remember like dude

no wonder you slept in fucking crazy furrow. I would fall asleep like this so something couldn't cut my throat, I remember. Really? And it was so funny. I didn't for, I forgot about this, but for years, I did that. And I was like, dude, no wonder. With your hands? You'd sleep like that? Yeah, I would sleep like that because I didn't want something to cut my throat.

I wanted to cut my hand first, so I would know. Right, right, yeah, of course. And I don't know what, what made me so scared? Although if somebody was, we had the wearwithal to get in with a knife, they could have just taken a feather and tickled your nose and then you would have went like that and then they could have fucking just slice the jugular. There's ways around that. Yeah.

I didn't think ahead. Do you sleep on your back? I can't sleep on my back. No, that's crazy. Oh, you lay on your side like that? I'll lay on my side. Yeah, okay. That I can do.

That I feel like is okay. I wanted to talk about Kill Tony. You've been labeled by some as one of the best Kill Tony guests, which is kind of rare because they hate everybody, kind of. They do. Yeah, they're like old ONA fans, too. They're just animals. Yeah, they're animals.

They hate everyone. But I think I love doing that show. Like, you did the garden, yeah? I did. Yeah, it was like a five or six minutes standoff. upset. That's cool. It's tough to do there. It is a different energy man and I did it last year

but they didn't film it for a day. They just kind of shot it for clips but when you're doing the panel I would rat like at the mothership I've done the panel a lot and I always like to give the if I can give the comics a bit of advice I try to because a lot of those guys are really

terrible and a lot of them are really good but they're just raw and as a new comic man I was so fucking easily wounded that if someone like made it seem like I really had nothing, I probably would have quit. So I always try to like fuck around and if I can say something that helps them,

I try to. That's a good point. Yeah, I think I remember now, when you said that, I remember like one of the first nights every did comedy, or maybe the third or fourth time. Like I started like down in New Orleans

and Mark Norman was there. Dane Fochay, some local guys, Scotland Green, some different comedians down there. And, but I remember the bartender said, hey, man, you did a good job. And just something like that little.

kept me coming back for the next two months, you know. Yeah, because somebody who's in the know, somebody who's in that scene recognized it and went, hey, you're right, the bartender in a comedy club or in a comedy scene, they see everybody. Yeah. So when they like you, you're like,

all right, I must be doing something right because they see everyone who comes, there was a guy named Robb, Rascals, who's a bartender. And he always liked me, and he was always like, yeah, you're really funny, man. And that gave me confidence back then because every comic came through there.

And the fact that Rob thought I was funny meant something. You know what I mean? That's like when other comics respect you. Oh, yeah. You feel like, fuck, I'm doing something right because the guys that are the hardest to make laugh or the most critical about it

like what I'm doing. Yeah, one day, it was coming off stage and Bill Burr said something. I had to go on before him at the Dolby Theater and I was so nervous. I never even been on that theater but stage before. And I did pretty good.

Right. It just went good. And I was coming off and he was like, pretty good, man. You know, some little, even just getting him to even fucking, even if he'd just spit on my back it would have, you know?

If he'd have come on one of my lay, I'd have been like, that's, thank you. Be just multiple migs to that, yeah. Yeah. Has the audience stopped cheering, Clarice? But yeah, it would have been perfect, dude. But yeah, it's so funny, little things like that.

What do you think about Kill Tony and that whole, like, when you see that, what do you think about? Do you see it as a phenomenon? Like, do you see it as, like, a change, like, what do you think about it? I think it's great because it gives a lot, the people who ban mouth it,

it's like it's really it's honest it's like these young guys are getting up on stage some are brand new and you're watching this minute process it's very hard to be funny in a minute so hard and i love the fact that because tony is so fast like he really is quick like lightning fucking fast and when he plays with people sometimes they'll be terrible on stage but they'll win him over in the interview so he gives you a shot you have a fair shot it kill Tony. No one can interrupt your minute. And during the interview, if you have a comic's brain and you're funny, you'll be acknowledged

as being funny, even if your set wasn't good. I don't feel like there's any bias like, hey, we're going to get this guy because he thinks this. Or we're going to choose that guy because he thinks that. I agree. I think there's a very, it's a very honest formula. I love doing it. And I just have a fun time when I do it.

It's so pressure-free. And it's just fun to fuck around and. riff. It's like radio. Like I love doing that show. Yeah. And you get to be around other guys like you're saying. You know, you just get to be around another group of like comics. You're all together. There's the blind guy. There's the Chris Rogers is doing art. You know, it's like, or the black guy. They took his eyes out for being black or whatever. It's like, come on, dude. Those times have changed. But okay. And then Tony is in a weird way. It's so perfect because Tony's almost always, he's kind of the bad guy. Right? He's the wizard, but he's also the

bad guy right like so you know he's like because he's so like he can be so uh just cutting yes that in the end he's almost always the bad guy and yes some of those people are setting themselves up for complete failure some of them just want a moment of that pain of being up there and some of them they're getting up there to try it and it's it probably gets a lot of those bugs out of their just the nerves out of their system yeah if you could survive in that it's a huge stage even if you're just doing the mothership you still know how many people are going to see it And he's a sniper. Like, you don't know what I mean?

He picks up on everything. But if you're good, if he thinks you're funny, he won't, like, oh, let me go trash this guy because I have to. He'll acknowledge you as being funny and have a good time talking to you. So I think if you go into it with that and you know, like, hey, it can go either way. I think you're going to have a good time. But I couldn't have done it six months in. I would have been fucking terrified to do that show six months in. Oh, it would have been so crazy.

And that just shows you that times are different somehow, I think, with people seeing clips of things, the, the psychology of society changes and how people are able to be something and not, like when I was coming up, I couldn't have just, I don't think gone and done that and known that that many people could see it. It would have been way too scary. Yeah, it would have been terrifying. But the balls on, like, because they see guys, like all these guys that are coming through, they're all doing well. Yeah. The ones that have kind of come through, you know, Cam Patterson is doing great. He just made SNL. He did. Okay, I had heard that, but I didn't want to say it. I didn't know

if they announced it yet. He just took it. Please. Good for Cam. Good, good. Yeah. I heard that last week. Good for him. Tommy Brennan.

Jeremy Colhane, Cam Patterson, and Veronica Slovakowska. Oh, that's great. Good for, yeah. I'm happy that that was official. I congratulate them. I'm like, I won't say. Ari Maddie is very funny.

Christina Mariani. Christina Mariani is very funny, too. Yeah. Lucas, there's a good group of people there. And I know Fiona Collie, I'm forgetting some people. So I apologize. Fiona's from here, I think,

isn't she? She red-headed? Yes. I don't know where she's from. Is she, does she seem like she's, like, in a wheelchair or whatever? I did get that impression. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Very definitively got that impression when she wheeled in. I wasn't, I was like she didn't seem like it. Like right now, I seem like I'm in a wheelchair because I'm sitting here. But when somebody wheels in, you can say, without reservation, that person's in a wheelchair. It was just, that blessing is Fiona. She should be on S&L. She's great.

She and I have actually worked together on the same show a few times. So I just, yeah, yeah, same, yeah, definitely. I like that whole crew, and they're all, they're all nice. Like, you see them on the events now, and they're getting real followings, so many of them. So it's nice to see these young comics doing really well. And some people, I don't want anybody who would begrudge those guys. It's like, there's room for everybody. That's what Rogan always says, and that's one thing that I admire about him the most.

He always says that there's room for everybody. There's room for all of us to lift each other up. Yeah, like, I'm not afraid of my spot. Like, we all, as we get older, you feel like, oh, I suck, I'm worth it. Like, it's, it's just a part of what made me a comic to begin with. I mean, if I had great self-esteem, I would not have gotten into this line of work.

Yeah. That part of me has remained the same. But as far as shitting on other people, we're trying to keep other people down because of what they say or their belief. It's just such a weak, pussy thing to do. It's like, who the fuck cares? Like, I don't care what other guys are talking about on stage.

As long as you're not stealing material. Yeah. Whatever point of view you're talking about, good, make it funny. Yeah, I don't even have time to think about that. No, but guys do. You do the joke from the wrong angle and people like, whoa, and it's dishonest. When people criticize that, it's not like, hey, I'm old and I can't handle young people being involved. It's that I think it's dishonest and like attacking other comics for material points of view is a way for you to climb socially.

It's become one more way to climb the ladder. it's not based these purity tests are just one more way for people to climb the ladder they give you a purity test you fail they climb a little higher

because they gave the test it's nonsense but that ladder has fallen so far down in society I think people are just like whatever that whole system was

for so long is disappearing so much you know I think that's why it's like yeah I don't know people just make their own choices now like

who's gonna listen to some article or some fuck you know it's like I believe we're in a space where more and more it feels like people would make their own choices, but maybe not. You hope so.

I mean, and I've never, like, I never, no one changes my mind. Like, I think for myself, like, everyone can say what they want because I think for myself, like people will say things about, like, when he says that, they'll come after Rogan, what he says is dangerous. And I'm like, well, have you listened to him? And they're like, yeah, did he change your mind? No. Well, then why don't you give everybody that credit?

Like, people give themselves the ability to go through information intelligently, but they think the rest of the public are a bunch of blithering tards who can't do it. And it's like, no, you're not the only one who can sift through information. And some people don't operate, do not make their decisions from information based on the analysis of the information. They base it on how the information makes them feel. And I don't think that those people are necessarily, one is necessarily more right than the other sometimes. Yeah, and it's hard to kind of like just tune it all out. I tried to, like, there was years I didn't check at mentions on Twitter.

Like, I just don't, I don't give a fuck what everybody's talking about. What's this? What does he say about that? Gives a shit. I don't have time to. Yeah, I don't, I really don't, and I don't care.

Yeah. It's not interesting to me. Yeah. Like, you know, if it's a friend and I'm talking to him, sure. But do I care who other people vote for? Like, it is of no relevance to me whatsoever. Yeah.

I don't know how people, and like, if you say something good about Trump, like there's policies he has that I very much disagree with. But, like, you say anything good about, I'm like, he's a, how could you? Say, shut up. Take your little identity hat off.

Just be a person. Have a conversation. When you think about this stuff, like in D.C., they just had where they want to clean up some of these cities and they're using the National Guard, which I've always thought is like,

you know, police are in this tough space where everybody's filming them and it's like, it feels like they need more support somehow. A lot of cities have become overrun with crime. Trump's use of National Guard in Los Angeles was illegal judge rules. Yeah, I know Brandon Johnson and Chicago is not for it.

He's the worst mayor in the country. Is he? Awful. Chicago's mayor pushes back as Trump administration ready's immigration crackdown. Let's see what they say. Chicago's mayor is limited

how much is city's police department can cooperate with federal immigration agents in response to threats from the Trump administration to ramp up immigration enforcement operations in the city. So it's just about immigration? And like they did, I don't know, they didn't want National Guard helping with immigration. They didn't want to help National Guard with Immigration

or troops but if they're just doing it to control crime it's like crime is it's a mess I agree as long as they're not interfering with people's

comings and goings if they're just patrolling the streets and giving the police some assistance you know most of the people who are against these policies a lot of them don't live

in those neighborhoods a lot of them can leave their house without being fucking worried about being robbed by somebody selling drugs so I think if it keeps people safer as long as you're not infringing on their right to do anything

yeah but you know I have a real salt look here's the The most important thing Trump has done is he is honoring kiss at the Kennedy Center. And I'm going to tell you, there's nothing that has made me happier than any politician has ever done. Is he really doing that? Gene Peter, Aeson, Paul, the original four members are being honored at the Kennedy Center.

Nothing has made me happier than that. I love him. I love that he did that. I would hug him. I mean, he does a lot of interesting stuff, man. And I hope that some of his plans for the country and stuff are good, you know? like, I hope we see a lot of the things that he, you know, kind of tried to campaign on. And I think it's just really interesting when guys campaign and then when they get in office,

I bet things are way different. And we don't know what those things are like, you know. But I hope that he has a lot of long term, like, beneficial things for the everyday American, you know. I bet you Obama was very disappointed. Like, because he was like a young, not too tainted by politics guy, but like he was still a relatively young guy. Oh, yeah, voted for him. And he had all these hopes and dream. And then you get into it and you're like, oh, this is a, there's a lot of muck and glue and things.

I bet you that his idealism somehow got squashed a little bit when he saw how it really worked from being deep in it. And these things that you think you're going to fix, you can't. Yeah, what does it say here? What effect did Trump's crackdown on crime in Washington, D.C. led to a significant drop in reported violent crime and property crime. It also generated controversy, strains on the legal system and a dramatic increase in immigration-related arrest. Violent crime fell by about 49% compared to the same period

the previous year with overall property crimes and car theft, also down by 30 to 40%. I wonder if they're just using this as a ruse, though, for ICE and immigration. I don't know. I think that there's a genuine desire in cities that have really high crime rates to bring it down. I think people's biggest concern is they want to be able to leave the house.

people care about abortion they care about all this but people want to be able to leave the house and go to work without being fucking hit over the head with a pipe like you know what I mean there is there is a really basic desire to want to get in your car without it being stolen at gunpoint like these things that we take for granted so many times violent crime to me because it's such an avoidable thing

so avoidable it's so avoidable so avoidable so if he's using these forces the way he says he's using them I have no problem with it. And I don't want to see, look, illegal immigrants who are housekeepers, who are just outworking, who are, whatever they're doing. Like, they're out building houses. They're out. I have no problem.

Contributing being some great members of America. There are people who just want a better life. Like, those people I don't want to see kicked out. I know they're here illegally, but I still have empathy for someone doing that. But as soon as you commit crimes and, like, you commit a violent, a felony or even an assault out. Yeah. I mean, that's it. There should be no second chance.

I mean, if you're lucky enough to be here, don't commit violent crimes. I mean, I don't think that's crazy. Yeah, and especially if, as a regular citizen here, if you commit a violent crime, that you're held to a certain standard, you know? Yeah, you're going to jail. Yeah. You're not being released immediately. Yeah, I think there's a lot of holes.

It's tough. I don't know, man, you know, and we just try our best, and you try your best just to show up for yourself every day and your new wife and. Yeah. It's not be a bad boy on the road. Yeah. Talking to her in the dog. Is that tough?

It is because, again, but it's not like. like there's one specific thing. It's tough because addiction is selfish. And like it's about getting high and it's about feeling that rush. So so many times you want to do things

just to get away from yourself. Oh, yeah. Like I'm not happy with how I look. I'm going to jerk off or I'm going to fucking, yeah. Yeah, and I do that too much. I mean, I really do. I mean, up and down the fucking East Coast

there are towels that probably should not be used by another person. My apologies. To any guest who's drying off. and your back gets scraped up because the towel is too rough. That's my bed. It's tough times out there.

Yeah, it really is. Tough times. But it's not, you know, what do they say? I'm not the man I could be or should be, but I'm not the man I was. Like, you know, my life is better now. I'm happily married.

I mean, despite being annoyed at times of being married, I love the fact that my wife enjoys when I joke about us on stage. She's not sensitive about it. Like, you know what I mean? I just. Right, you can be free in your relationship. Yeah, she loves it.

And we all send videos of, like, jerking off and stuff like that, or no? Do people do that? No, I mean, she sent me some nude photos and videos, but... That's cool. We live together, and, like, that's the one thing when you're married, that perverted stuff. Right. Sometimes, because you can hook up whatever you want. Right.

But if I asked her for a video jerking off, she'd probably send it to me. She has in the past. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, I'll ask her. Eddie Money showed me some pictures of his new wife one time on a plane. nude Pretty nude Whoa

I like Eddie money He's dead now Unfortunately Dude he said he hit a can of huff One time so hard That one of his legs Quit working Really

Fuck yeah He was a fascinating Guy He overdosed Survived a lot of stuff Was his wife look good Naked Pretty good

I'll show my wife's If you want I mean She wouldn't care I'm right Yeah she wouldn't care Oh dude Maybe just do a drawing

Of it for me All right You think Just show And I'll kind of go like this a little. All right. I won't show it on camera

just because... No, no, no, just short to me. I don't want to see all of it at once. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's... I can't show it all on camera because she's a lady. She wouldn't care for that.

No lady wants their penis shown completely on camera. Oh, for sure. Dude, I don't even want to fucking look at it. Oh, I won't show it if you don't want to look at it. No, I'm okay. I'm like... Um, let me see here.

Hold on, you can, you can... I won't just... I won't just hit you with it. Yeah, it's no surprise. You don't be like... Let me find an acceptable photo that she would be proud of. Okay, no, that she wouldn't like that. That's a video.

I'll find one for you. Yeah, take your time. I'm going to think about something else for a minute. All right. You want to see? Yeah, hold on. Okay. Yeah.

Whoa, brother. What is that? Oh, my God, Jim. Your wife has that? That's my lady. That's my best gal. Wow That is a

That is a tall pussy She's a tall lady She's a tall lady Oh that thing's in 4H Yeah Oh you gotta spray some round up on that Yeah God yeah you gotta get back home

Yeah I mean sometimes I need a break You know what I mean You get your body collects And you're like I'll take a little break Oh yeah You know bro you could fucking scratch You could file your nails down that thing Yeah

but it's funny it's like it really is that's the main difference in the relationship it's like compared to other women I've dated as a person there's no difference like our life is the same as anybody's life thank God she has a sense of humor I love that she has a sense of humor I love that you have to have that

yeah um but some don't I've dated people who would get mad if I talked about certain things and I've even gone out with trans girls that would be very mad at me just doing that so the fact that she has a good sense of humor If she didn't, I wouldn't have done that. Like, I'm fucking around.

Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't, I mean, I would never even look at some guy's wiener, but it's a woman's wiener. Yeah, I mean, I guess it depends on people look at that differently, too. Like, there's a lot of people that are very anti-that label being put on trans women. But I think that, you know, if you spend any time with my wife, it's just, it's not a man's brain. And people are like, dude, just admit it, you're gay, we don't care.

I understand why people say that And I really do Like I get it And again, I couldn't prove the point in court Because it, my partner has a penis Like there's no way around that Yeah Unless you have a long way

Time to walk Or a small ladder But you know That seemed like a woman's wiener to me Well yes, that's how I look at it I mean But I understand why people say Just admit you're good

But there's a difference And I can't describe the difference But I understand the difference but I understand the difference internally. If I was a homosexual at this, I would tell people I don't give a fuck. Like, if, oh, yeah. Like, it's not a, that I'm running away

from saying something that people think I should say. You know, sometimes I miss vaginas. I mean, I like them. Yeah. But, but hey, here we are. Here we are. And happy. And happy.

There you go, brother. Oh, yeah, that thing is a damn, God. That thing's a damn lunchable you got going on. Yeah, yeah, you got to respect it. That's a real mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, anyone's got to respect that. Like, even somebody who's not into that lifestyle would go, you know what, a round of a plot. Yeah, sir, yeah.

Unconceivable is on YouTube now and always, thanks for all the entertainment, man. Thanks for welcoming me on your show. Thank you, buddy. And give me a chance to just get to ever even be on a radio show and make it fun and on a podcast. You guys were kind of in that early realm. It was kind of a hodgepodge in there. It was, yeah, I mean, podcasts. I remember Mark Maron used to occasionally when he was in town

if he needed a studio to interview someone who would use our productions. Like we were there at the very, very beginning. And good luck. I didn't see it coming. I mean, I knew it was going to be popular and I had a radio contract, but I didn't, I wish I had jumped on it earlier.

Yeah. But I wasn't allowed to. I had a exclusivity contract. But whatever, who gives a fuck, Jim. Yeah. Well, you've been, I think you've done the best job of being Jim Norton, man, from an outside perspective. It's been interesting.

And I think you're an inspiration for people to try and figure out how to best be themselves. I know it's a journey for everybody. But I think it's cool, man. I think it's interesting. You seem like kind of like a person that's kind of brave in the world. Well, I appreciate that. But it really is.

And none of my, I haven't lost any friends over my life. Like, you know what I mean? Like whoever doesn't like, I wouldn't, there's no one I wouldn't cut loose. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I have my friends. I have no shame in that part of my life and who I love. Oh, yeah.

It doesn't seem like it at all. It's a fun life. So I'm very lucky. I appreciate you have me on. man, I love what you do. Yeah, I've got to come and do yours before the end of the year. Yeah, I would love that. I would really love that.

We'll make it happen, man. Thanks, Bill. Jim Norton, thank you so much. Thank you, Theo. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones. thought it's gonna take