#614 - New York Circus
00:00It was even bad in America.You know, I'm not home a lot.You know, I can't keep a plant alive at the moment.But when I am home, my bedroom is like my sanctuary.You know, it's a sacred spot for sleep.Thankfully, I have a Helix sleep mattress.God, I like it.I mean, I get on that thing and, ooh, baby girl, four I know it's morning and I'm feeling good.
00:27In fact, I like mine so much, I got two of them.I put one of them in the guest room out of there case mom wants to come and just launch some of her dirty dreams into that thing.Because honestly, sleep matters more to me than ever, especially when I'm on the go.If I'm home, you know it.Days are long when you shut it down, it's time to shut it down.Getting real sleep on my Helix sleep mattress makes all the difference.If your old mattress has you just launched in locked in a trench over there, you need a ladder to get out that thing.It may be time for you to give Helix sleep.
01:00a try. You can sleep great too. Just go to helix sleep.com slash Theo to get 25% off sitewidefor our audience only. That's helix sleep.com slash t-h-e-o. Make sure you enter our show name aftercheckout so they know that we sent you. If you're running a business, okay, happyOctober. That's where we are today. Good to be here.with you here in the fall we are pretty much into the fall now as the calendar you start to falloff the end of the year and then just bam you just land right there and and santa's arms overthere around December 25th baby that's where we at um i got some new glass i did get some new glassesi guess uh they're they're new to me i don't know i'm sure they weren't used or whatever
02:00I guess.My vision is B-plus, or, uh, some B-12, what is it?I don't know.They're pretty good, I guess.It helps me read.I didn't know I needed glasses, you know, and then I guess I don't know if I was in, like,a dark restaurant or whatever.Next thing you know, I'm at the eye shop, and, uh, and I got these bitches, baby.
02:22And so I'm enjoying them, I think.I will say this.I don't know.I can't, some people I can't see anymore.it's kind of, I'm not saying these things are making racial choices for me, but they'redefinitely, uh, these things don't want to get a good look at everybody, you know? So I may have tomail them back. I'm not sure. But I'm running on about eight foot radius or whatever, 12 footradius may be in these. So, uh, if you want, you know, get close if you need me, you know. Um,
02:55but yeah, because I fucking, dude, I was, my short sight was getting kind of right.You know, I'd go in for a hug and I'd miss that bitch.I'd be like, damn, you'd go in to hug somebody and hug the wrong person.You're like, who's that, you know, that's somebody's damn husband or something.You know, you don't even, you know, you go in to hug a decent woman and you end up over there, you know,and you just up near some man's neck or something.It just, so I think getting your visual is important.And so that's kind of what I'm, I guess, doing.
03:24I got to get, yeah, I think these bitches are B or B plus.I don't know what.I got a look at the, um, package or whatever.I got these bitches online.They came to just wrote the size of them on the back or something.I think it was like 38, 42 or, I don't know.I got to look and see.I got a fucking kind of a big head.
03:45What else?Thank you guys for being here.The circus is coming to town.I just saw that.I don't know if there's any circus lovers, but the circus is back.You know, and,When I was a child, the circus was a big thing.You know, you had a couple times throughout the year you'd get this little ticket at school.
04:08And it'd say on a circus at the top.And it'd say like Willie's circus, you know, a risky rick's circus, you know?And it would say like, admit one, just on this ticket, you could get it anywhere.So they were just giving out free tickets, you know?And it would be like, this petting zoo fuck.and rocks it would say or something like that on the back or where pet and zoos go to fuck it would sayshit like you're like that's that's a lot um but it was a big deal back then when a circus camebecause you'd see them setting up in that big top that tent and they wheel all animals in there
04:50and some of the animals they'd been through a lot they'd look like they'd maybe just got backfrom war or something war or two or something you know they'd some of them missing andear or you know have a fake ear you know they'd have an elephant but then one of his earsthey'd have just two you know they'd put a damn potted plant in the hole over there and you'd havea damn elephant ear plant growing out of the side you know and they'd paint that bitch gray overthere you'd see a guy on a ladder just painting that elephant you know just painting a bigplant ear gray just trying to line it all up and they put a big bow tie on him call him big gingeror whatever spray paint red hair on his back there you know it was just you know you'd see a giraffe
05:33but that bitch had a short neck on him you're like god you'd see a damn giraffe he was four footfour and that bitch was just you know pissed too pissed it almost looked like if you tickled himthe right way his neck would just just you know get to the right size you know he's just likethat wide neck remember that fellow wide neck that was running around he was a umkind of an African-American like running back that only played drugs or whatever like you know what I'm saying he didn't have a sport and that was the circus and it meant something you were excited about it and you talk about it at school and you'd go over there and I just saw the flyer that a new one it's it's called thecircus it's like a it kind of had looked like a like a cirque to soul circus kind of search so sort like a it just looked like a um like a rave for childrenkind of, you know, they had a couple damn drones out there, you know, Palantir justshooting popcorn into kids' mouths and stuff. Just, you know, it had a different sort of
06:36etiquette to it. And I don't even know if they had any animals. They had a couple of kind ofgender neutral dudes just kind of whistling in each other's mouths type of deal. You know,they had a blind fella just kind of just singing Fred again lyrics and stuff. It's just gottenvery progressive. It feels like the circus. You know, they used to have real animals. Yougo out there, you'd see a couple monkeys out there, and you're over there and one of thembe smalking for you.And, you know, you get you 50 cents over there, go visit that smock and monkee.See if you'll ash in your mama's back, you know, or something.
07:13And they had long arms.They'd ash in a baby carriage or something like that.It was, you know, it was more involved.They let the animals live a little.You know, and they used to have real lions, too.They'd have, you know, they had back, back then they had real lions.Now you got a couple, you got a couple of hearty women over there wearing Aiden Hutchinson jerseys, you know, and just complaining that their breasts are too big.Now they got a gluten-free concession stand.
07:42Just a, you know, the peanut allergies.They got that.So it's, you know, back in a day, they had a dude, you would find a dude at the circus with a peanut allergy.They would find that dude.they would give them a couple handfuls of peanuts and then send that bitch running through a ring of fire, baby.While people in the crowd sang for those about to rock.Now it's just, they find a dude with a peanut allergy, right?They put him in a hazmat suit.
08:16They have him run and jump through a ring of peanuts into his two mother's arms.So it's, I'm just saying, yeah, it's just a different.time man it's just a different time and that's what time does it keeps making things differentdoesn't it man time does not like to wear the same outfit baby that's the truth time likes to uhtime likes every minute just freshly ironed baby right out the package time is just you knowit's just it likes to feel brand new baby but god that circus was fun you go over there andSometimes some of the circus workers, they just set themselves on fire and just collect damn workman's comp right there, right in front of you.People would cheer and just damn just, you know, God and just pray.
09:07So, yeah, it was just a different time, man.That's the circus.That's the circus.It's back.And we had a circus last week in New York in New York City.And I want to talk about that.I want toI want to just go through it
09:26because there's like a lot of stuff out therespeculation and all of thatand I want to just get super clear on it rightbecause I think a lot of peopledon't knowlike what went onand it wasn't that crazy what went onand I wish it was going to be
09:39a more exciting storybut I just want toyeah I just want to share with youkind of what happenedI guessand I don't want to make it a big dealbut I thinkbut I do want to like
09:51just kind of gointo it right um you know so mental health is important to me right it's important to me we talkabout that kind of stuff on here a lot and hold on and yeah it's like it's a i think it's beensomething that we talk about a great deal and just think about and kind of explore right so so i had acomedy special that we were taping we were taping it last week and about um and about a month beforei started i quit taking uh some antidepressants i was taken you know i just kind of self-weened myselfoff and the reason why was because i wanted like during the comedy show i wanted to have alittle bit more emotion during it i wanted to have this kind of like i just wanted to have some more
10:49feelings you know if um if you ever take an antidepressants or if you haven't uh they it kind oftakes away your feelings kind of you know uh so you just kind of stay in this space whereyou're okay and it's nice it's a safe space but you don't uh you're like the astronaut thatkind of stays on the ship sometimes and you get to do the thumbs up and shit but other dudes arelike, you know, other people are out there.Anyway, so I quit taking my medication because I wanted to have a little bit more feelingsduring the show.I wanted to be able to talk about stuff a little bit more that meant something to me
11:30and put it into the comedy show.So that was all going fine, right?I was doing fine with that.We're headed into the comedy show.And then the Charlie Kirk thing happened, right?Charlie Kirk murder happened, which is really crazy.You know, it was just a crazy thing.I've talked about it before.
11:54I'm not going to talk about it anymore right now.But a few days after that or maybe a week after that,the Department of Homeland Security put a video up online talking about,they started making like trap beat edits and like Bangor Edit.to evicting people from the country, right?Or eliminating illegal, illegals, maybe some criminals, some people just undocumented, all, you know, just across the spectrum, right?So they put a video of mine that I'd made for somebody in a parking lot, probably like maybe a year and a half ago, just jokingly, they put, I think it was a year and a half ago.They put it in at the front of this Department of Homeland Security, like trap beat, I think,
12:46I think they had, like, I'm not sure if they had, like, young boy or whatever they had.But it was, uh, it was kind of, it was ridiculous.And the video was, a girl that walked up to me in a parking lot and she had said,hey, my friend just got deported.What do you have to say?Or do you have a message?I can't remember what it was.And I was just like, bye, you know?
13:10And I didn't know if it was real or not.I had no idea.I was just joking around.It's a stranger came up between a parking lot.I think it was after a show and there were some people.gathered around and we were just kind of like BSing and taking pictures and just kind ofassociate right so anyway long story short that happens so this video goes mega viral 25 million 30million views it's everywhere and the front of the deed of that Homeland Security video it's on
13:37the White House thing it's on everything it's it's everywhere and the first 10 seconds of itor me, right? Like, I don't have anything to do with this shit. Nobody asked me about it. Um,you know, like, nobody said, hey, this is going to have, like, and I have a lot of differentthoughts about immigration, right? They're like showing people getting arrested. Like, it's just anintense thing. Like, and why is the government even making these? I don't know. I, but that's where we're atin the world. And, and I have a lot of thoughts about immigration, right? I have a ton of them. And we don'tneed to go into them all right now. I've talked about them on other episodes. Um, I feel like they're doinga lot of bookkeeping in the country right now because we're going to get into a surveillance state
14:22and everyone is going to have to be on the books, right? So that's where I believe that we'reheaded. Um, but this was just wild, you know, and people are like sending messages and likehateful stuff and, you know, you think all these illegal sheds and all this type of shit. And like,I could talk to you ad nauseum about that. But,but this wasn't the time for it just was something that they used and put out there and everybody saw right so i'm getting a ton of hateful stuff and and and and i'm trying to remember everything i'm trying to kind of remember everything right now and um but this video goes everywhere and i'm getting like a lot of like dude what the fuck just all kind of shit right like my phone just blowing like what the hell it's just like the last thing i needed right there's a week left to this special um and this happens you know this thing comes out and my fatherimmigrated here from Nicaragua, right? Like, one of my prize possessions is I have his immigrationpapers when he came here. And I have him in a frame and him and his siblings when they came here.And so I have tons of thoughts about it. But this was just fucked up, right? It was fucked up.
15:30And it was everywhere. It was like on all platforms and stuff. So that had me really kind ofparanoid. You know, that had me start to get kind of paranoid and, you know, like closing,like, you know, I had the curtains in my house kind of closed. I was just like, you know,you're paranoid. I woke up the next morning, sorry, I need some water. I woke up the next morningto a text from a high government official saying, hey, if you need some extra security in yourneighborhood or some extra police cars on patrol let me know and i'm like what what are you talkingabout extra security i don't have any like you know i don't even know the code to my ring cameralike i don't even know how to log in so it's like and then and like what you're just gonna put
16:24police cars in my neighborhood what are my neighbors going to think now they're fearful likeit just like i don't know man that that like really kind of shook me it really kind of shook meum but you just you keep marching onyou know and you start getting security and then now but now you have security right and the thing isyou just don't know you just don't know right there was a moment on the like it was white housebecause the white house also put this out thank you white house um that and look i'm all for like the boardi'm all for tighter boards i'm all for like accurate knowing who's on i'm all for knowing who is in acountry. I'm all for knowing what's in the cupboard of a society. I think you should know every,
17:11I think you should know every item on the log. I think it should be known, right? I do. Now,how do you get there? That's the bigger question. And we don't have to discuss that today, right?It's not about that. Um, and sorry, I'm going slow here. I'm trying to piece this together.So now I have this thing with security, but then you get a security person and they, nowyou're, if you're walking on a security guy, then that's kind of uncomfortable.because now you're like it kind of makes you spooked you're like what's going on so there's justlike all of that's happening and then we get to just the job right like which is performing speakingin front of strangers like you had just seen this thing with charlie kirk right it's like
17:53like we all watch somebody get lit up we all watch somebody get murderedcasually on our phones right like and i don't mean to say it like that but that'sThat's how it all, it came across to us. There's no warning on a lot of video you see and like,so just a lot of, uh, I think unnecessary pressure, a lot of stress going on that I did.Some of it I was aware of and some of it, you just don't know you're aware of it, I think.You know, because I think like, um, like you just, sometimes you don't know what stress you're holding.you know one day there was a i got a uh a call from a friend of mine and they said they were goinginto uh rehab and i just started bawling right and i didn't realize that there was a part of me
18:48that was waiting to hear that from them and that it uh it really made me feel some type of wayyou know so sometimes it's like you just don't know what stresses you're holding anyway uh soso anyway so we get to the the shows right we're there and it's a lot oflot you know it's a lot there's a lot of like last minute choices to be made um it seemed to go messierthan the past specials that i'd taped right it seemed to be a lot more confusion and it all couldhave been just kind of my perception right because what started to happen was on this day i wasstarting to feel uh a little bit like i don't know if manic is the word i don't know what manic meansI've said manic, but I don't manic meaning.
19:35Let me see.What does it mean when someone is manic?Oh, it says trying to meet man's.That's the first one.Like, this is fucking, see, this is how bad shit's gotten.You're, you know, you're trying to figure out if you have some sort of an anxiety disorder.And next thing you know, you're getting damn emails from a local men's bar or whatever.It is defined as an extremely unstable, euphoric or irritable mood along with an excessive activity or energy level.
20:00okayexcessively rapid thought and speechI probably could have useda little more of thatso I think I started to feelkind of mildly manicI think it was just being offthe medication I think
20:11and it wasn't insaneit was just little thingslike the second I got on stagethe first showI couldn't feel any moisturein my mouthand I started to feel likeyou ever remember that feeling
20:23if you were in high schoolwhen you got highand then you were standing theretalking to your friendsand you were just too highand you were just literally standing therejust trying topretending to be yourself a little bit.
20:33So I had a little bit of that going on.And it started off choppy.The first show, it started off kind of choppy.We were doing like a new intro with Joey Diazat the last minute.And he was pretty goomed up.You know, he's Coco.And it was a blessing that he was there,
20:50but we hadn't ran through it.And so it's just like a lot of, like, things at the last minute.But yeah, I'm on stage.And the second half of the first show went good.And there were some beats that I got that had like an emotional piece to them that I wanted.And that felt exciting.But the whole show, it was, it was, uh, there were parts where I just couldn't remember the next thing.I couldn't remember like my next sequence.
21:19Like I was having trouble just keeping track of stuff.And that's when I really was like, oh, man, I'm, uh, I'm just off tonight.You know, I just.you know, it is just like, I'm just off tonight.And I even, I think I remember saying to the audience, like, thank you guys just for being here for me, you know, like, and the audience was cool, man.People were, were happy to be there.They were super stoked when I came out.I started to feel bad that I wasn't giving them the best show.
21:52But the show ended up going a little bit long, blah, blah, blah.We get to halftime, or in between the two shows, and Chris Rock is bad.backstage he's there my favorite right like i mean i see chris rock smile and you just feel likeit's gonna be good you know this is it's almost like when you know somebody that was good in classat making a good joke and then you see him and you're like oh the michael jordan has arrived you knowlike um so anyway seeing him and it kind of like i kind of like i kind of i was like almostway so excited about seeing him like i was very excited but then i realized i was kind of over excitedum he enjoyed the show you know and and so i went into the second show feeling like okay
22:43i got to figure some of this out i couldn't tell if people were like being like legit like okaywas it good was it bad what was going on and then i took an ice bath between the shows i was doing myyoga the same usual stuff i do anyway sorry i know this is getting long but uh and then we didthe second show and the second show was started out fire first 22 minutes we're cooking and then ijust i couldn't remember stuff and we didn't put a teleprompter we like we've done it for otherspecials we didn't do it and that was a bad choice i don't know if i probably made the choice for sureI don't remember, but so I had to ask for, you know, I was like having to ask off stagebecause I wanted to get everything in sequence, you know, and I think I got stuck on this like
23:37sequence thing and, um, and it was just hard, man, it just, you know, I just did it. I didn'tfeel like myself. I felt like I was trying to kind of pretend to be myself. And it wasn'tinsane or extreme. It just, that was it. And we got to the end of the show.and we were standing around afterwardswith the producers and the director, my friend Kevin,and just like, did we get it?You know, did we get it?Excuse me, did we get it good enough?
24:14You know, because I want this special to be, you know,you do the material for so long.And my buddy Neil Brennan said this the other day before it.He said,hair in my eyes today he said dude this is the last time you'll ever spend with this materialyou know it's really the last time you'll probably ever do it and and this material's beenit's been a friend to me over the years has been you know it's taken me around the world you knowit's gotten me to see a lot of people that uh love me and that i love um so that was just a neat
24:49sentiment of a way to like embrace the material and stuff but i was just at the end of the nightI was like, I don't know if we got it.And they're like, yeah, well, let's edit together something and see.And I was like, okay, but I just, I don't, I couldn't feel the magic, you know, I just was off.And that was it.We left the show, we left the theater.We took pictures.You know, I went up by the stage at the end of the, at the end of each show and we're like taking pictures of people that are sitting there.
25:17And, and that's when some girl, there was a clip of me, which I think, you know, which I think,this is what really like this is what made things ridiculous uh where in passing i just was likeor i don't i don't know if it was in passing i haven't seen the clip honestly and i haven't beenonline um i woke up the next day to like a bunch of things like bro what's up or things like thatand i was like oh my god you know what's going like did you know did i you know did i stealsomebody's horse did i hit somebody with a vehicle you know what i have no i you know is justkind of alarming and then a buddy of mine sent me a clip and I could just see the outside and it waslike you could see me on stage and then people were asking me about suicide and I was like oh god
26:02you know um and I don't even remember exactly what I said but I can certainly see me sayingsomething like oh just try not to take my own life you know um which I I understand it's not a joketo some people, right? It's not a joke to me. But it is something that I'll say, you know,I'll say stuff sometimes. I say stuff, right? You know, you know that. If you've listened tothis show before or seen anything, you know I say stuff. I would never take my own life. I wouldnever take my own life. Okay. You hear that is real? I would never take my own life. I would nevertake my own life.I'm grateful to God for his grace in my life.
26:56I love my siblings.I have so many friends and people that love me and people that I want to see their children grow up.I'm hopeful that I get to have a wife and meet my own children one day.Like there's a ton of things in my life that keep me alive and hopeful, right?I want to be able to have an impact in the world.those are just a few of them probably you know i mean so many just moments we've shared on thisshow that i'm like oh i live for those things you know i mean i want to see vandy win a uha championship so i'm gonna have to be a lot for a long time you know what i'm saying type
27:36shit uh so but anyway so anyway that was you know so i woke up to that and i was like oh manand I guess I had like a lot of differentwell in addition to thatpeople wrote articles oh this is badand look it wasn't greatI didn't love itand I had a lot of people that said it was great thoughlike I have people say do we loved it
28:13it was greatso but i didn't think it was i didn't think it was perfect you know for sure but i thought let's justlook at the edit and see um and so we still haven't decided we might shoot again some point i don'tknow what's going to go on but there was just this energy now where it was like everybodystarted checking on me and uh i was like oh man this is tough and and there's people that wouldthink like oh well he failed or who want to write up write up something that says he failed ormake a meme i saw one thing it said uh uh bombs netflix or whatever taping or whatever awesomethank you dude um but homie i was fucking in that bitch cuz you should have seen me dog
28:58you should have seen me you know you ever see that show dog and a lot of time you'll see thatdog show and it's that uh weistaminst i think it's weistamista the wistamista dog show you see that bitch boyand they got some dogs in that bitchand then they got that other brothey got that other little uhthat littleI mean this bitch is just a little thought wallerthis bitch you know
29:26they got that little male thought waller rolling upyou're like damn that little bityou know he got a little maybe an ankle it onor something maybe he got a house arrest braceleton his tail but that bitch is in thereand they're like damn he ain't supposed to be herebut he's over there he's listening to DMSWe ride it.
29:47And all the other dogs got all them crazy tricks,and he just fucking, he'll gamble on his phone real quickor do something like that.Or he'll fucking run a parlay or something on his phone.And that's his trick.And he'll smoke a Virginia Slim right there and hit that bitch.You know what I'm saying?So anyway, what I'm saying is, bitch, I'm out there.
30:06I'm in the ring, bro.And I failed so many times you could write what I, bro,write what you want big dogwrite what you wantit wasn't perfect man I'll agree to thatand if you knowand if I've gotten so used totimes I have failed it's okay I eat failure for breakfast
30:27but I'm fucking you fill me up with failure flakesover the years kidsand it's okay manthat's part of the job the first 10 yearsdoing comedy is failureso much of my lifethe best things that have ever happened on my lifehad been on the other side of failure.
30:51And, yeah, it would be great if one daywe could all live in a space where we all,you know, we lived in a neighborhoodwhere everybody, when they went out in the world,they was potentially going to fail, boy.We riding right on the edge, baby.You know?And that we admired that about each other.
31:11Um, so anyway, I'm not looking to like downplaying or make it, you know, we might reshootit again. We'll see what happens. And, um, and that's it, you know. Because you don't, if you,like, if you're not on that risk of failing, I don't know what I'm going to be. If I'm not onthat risk of failing, I don't know what I'm going to be. It's like a bulb, you know, a plant bulb.If you saw, like a plant bulb is kind of brave, right? Like a, uh, a floral bulb, right?because if he just stays a bulb he's just that little green little monster right that little nuggetbut when he blasts open you don't he don't know what he's going to get out that bit brotherhe might be a rose he might be a defile brother he might be a um he might be a damn a succubes or
32:02whatever he might be a gladioli he you don't know when you pop upthat top but you're gonna get out of yourselfimagine you walk through the woodsand all the flowers are just justloked outthey all just in hiding brothey're all in witness protectionprogram bulbs
32:21but nah they took that shotpow bitchso anywayI don't know if I'm rambling or justfluffing my own ego but umso that was it manand there was a video about you knowand that that and so
32:36that stuff happened and butthen the thing that like made everything hectic was uh someone recorded a video of me making apassive comment joking around about um about suicide and i didn't even mean to i didn't know peoplewere recording me at that time i don't think or i don't think that they are anymore and i thinki got to evolve in my own head that that's how things are now so and i don't know i knowAnother thing had happened, I didn't even tell anybody this, but I went to the doctors like a couple weeks ago.This was like, I think two days after the Charlie Kirk shooting, I went to the doctors.And I'm in the doctor room, and it's just me and a nurse.
33:25And she comes in and I'm talking about, you know, I got to get a checkup and everything where they do you nuts or whatever, you know.And so I'm talking, you know, we're talking about body and everything.and, uh, you know, um, you know, talking about genitals or whatever, right, and body.And so we have this conversation.And then the nurse, she says after, she says, uh, and she's like, hey, I brought, I broughtsomething for you.And I'm like, huh?And she's like, I brought something for you.
34:05And it really.spooked me, bro, because I'm in a doctor's office, right? This is a place where you think you canbe safe. And, um, and man, that was a, that was a tough moment. My mom was in town. And after that,I remember sitting in my car, sitting in my car with her. And I kind of got a little teared upbecause I was like, oh, man, no place is kind of safe anymore, you know? And the, the girl justwanted to do something nice, right? I think she wanted to give me something. I don't know. But it wasjust that invasiveness of like, man, this is like supposed to be.a very private place.
34:38And I mentioned it to the doctor.And then I even, you know, I made sure that the nurse didn't feel like bad.You know, she's just trying to be a nice person.You know, I believe that her motives were in a good place.I don't hold any ill will against her.But it was just like, I don't know, there was just a lot of little things that wereadding up to stress.And so, yeah, that's what happened.
35:04And it's just been like, I've had so many people reach.out so thank you so much i've had so many people say nice things i can't believe like to me it feltvery kind of like in passing um and then i was just kind of burnt out uh but just know thati'm never at a place like that you know i'm far from a place like that you know there mayhave been times when i was a kid or something i had some negative you know some stuff was scary butyeah i'm going to be here i'm going to be here you're going to be here and we're going to be here andwe're going to be here together like we always been and um and that was it there was nothingelse to the evening we tried like to really keep things together um there was no drug issue
35:51there was no like i mean when cocoa showed up there was smoking you know it's like but there wasno uh there wasn't like it was just it was just like just the fuse was short going into itthe fuse was short going into it i remember right when we got to the theatersome guy was supposed to show me to my dressing room he took me on like a seven minute journeyout into the fucking caverns of some building i don't even know where we were we were likethere was like teenage meeting and turtles there and i was like oh fuck i'm already this is i couldfeel my fuse being pretty low uh so but i still tried i think they're looking back maybei should have like pulled the core you know i don't know though i you know
36:34you don't you don't kind of know until you know where you until where you are you know and soI don't think I would have done anything different I made all the choices I didn't realize howmuch stress I had and that's it um but I do want to I do want to say this about suicide rightlike you know a friend of mine a close friend of mine uh years ago his sister umwas dealing with a lot of stuff she was dealing with a lot of stuff she was dealing with a lot of stuffand she couldn't say sheshe was having troubletalking about it like
37:10you know she was having troubletalking about itshe didn't want to bother peopleumand she finally told a member of their familyand they didn't want to worry everybodyin the family with itand so they kind of told the rest of the family
37:28that she had mono and so she was sufferinguhand thenlike within a year she had taken her own life right she just couldn't handle where she was atand i think it's and i just want to say her name christianne and just let uh her know that peoplethink of her and that her brothers love her and that um and that she's an angel out in theuniverse keeping tabs on people and that's a beautiful thingbut I think about that story
38:07from my buddy sometimesand it's like I think people get stuck in a spacewith like yeah I'm gonna bother somebodyif I've already told my friendsso many times and I'm not doing goodI don't none of that stuff mattersit's like however you have to speak upabout something if you have to
38:21I think it's worthtrying to try them moreyou knowand I don't know if that means anythingI'm just saying, yeah, I don't know what I'm saying.I think I just wanted to just have a moment and just let it be known that that young lady has missed.I think maybe that's something that I just wanted to think about out loud.And that however you have to say something, say it.
38:57But I was just joking, man, and I know it's not something to joke about.And I get that.And I appreciate all like the beautiful concern and the things.thank yous and like just the outpouring i just started to feel like god i don't even know how totell everybody that i was just joking um and i joke about some dark stuff sometimes and i jokeabout everything and uh i think that's what makes you able to do comedy sometimes i don't knowi don't want to like look at myself too much like that because that gets kind of egoy but umbut yeah i'll be here forever and we got to see how this fucking circus goes you know
39:33This short giraffe balls out.So I love you.And thank you for loving me.It would take me forever to thank everybody for the nice messages.It really would.But gosh, I'm fine.Don't treat me weird.Don't be weird.
39:51I'm not weird.I'm chill.You're good.We riding, bro.We riding, bro.Type shit, boy.Let's get to a few calls that came in here.And maybe we'll keep it in this space.
40:06Let me see what we got right here.Here's one right here.Let's get to it.You know, I've always had a money goal.Have me a goal.Give me some money.Achieve that goal.That's been it.
40:18I wanted to go to Antarctica or Antarctica.That's what I used to think it was called.And it sounded more tropical when you say it like that.But later, I found that it was freezing and you're not allowed.So how to change it up.But what I'm talking about is having a money goal.Acorns helps you go.grow towards the money goals you have today and the ones you'll have tomorrow.
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41:11That's A-C-O-R-N-S dot com slash Theo to get your $20 bonus investment today.Paid non-client endorsement, compensation provided incentive to positively promote Acorns.Tier 2 compensation provided.Investing involves risk.Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor.View important disclosures at Acorns.com slash T-H-E-O.You know, sometimes I feel like my brain just kind of leaves.the building, just on it, just like a school child at 3 p.m. They hear that bell,
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42:19they've also got caffeine free options memory and focus gum with Americanginseng yeah that's a mental bump without the jitters right thereThey've also got sleep and recharge mints with melatonin and chamomile.Helps you wind down at night without gummies that taste like melted jolly ranchers.For a limited time, you can get 20% off your first order at neurogum.com by using code Theo.That's neurogum.com and use code T-H-E-O for 20% off your first order.You can also find Nero at CVS and Amazon.You know, I've noticed over the years of how much it takes to make something go.
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44:11As always, you know, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.Hey, I've needed help.We've all needed it.I've gotten it on and off over the years.I've gotten it at times.I've gotten it from BetterHelp themselves.I remember I was out there driving, I was on an S-curve, and it was just too much.I was in a four-speed or maybe a three-speed, Ford Escort.
44:33I couldn't handle it.Had to pull over and just call, God, I need some help.And bam, there they were, better help.Better help therapists have helped over 5 million people worldwide on their mental health journeys.That's millions of stories, millions of journeys, and behind everyone is a therapist who showed up, listened, and helped someonetake a step forward.This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millionsof people take a step forward.
45:02If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start thatjourney.Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O.That's BetterH-E-L-P.com slash Theo.Here's one right here.Let's get to it.Theo.My name is calm, man.
45:24called a number of times um what's up time brother thank you for calling man um well thank you forcalling back uh onward um i just want to thank you again for everything that you do just frombeing real for not being too good for anybody and a hotline bro i'm sure it means a lot to a lotof people lost my son a year and a half to go to suicide and umIt was tough, man.I still have nightmares and visions of just seeing that, finding that.And I don't know, man, it's hard to talk about.But I found your show about, I'd say four months after that happened.
46:20And when I tell you that you gave me a reason to laugh for the first time since it ever since it happened, you did, bro.And I got to say that being an addict and being cleaned for the last five and a half years, it would have been really easy to use as an excuse to go back.But I didn't.And I truly believe that God, number one, and.just being able to laugh again kept me free and I feel like honestly saved my life brotherand I appreciate it I love you I love what you do thank you for everything praise God manthank you Tom thank you brother I'm so sorry to hear about your son I bet he misses you and I bethe loves you and they may not even have feelings over there where you miss people I bet it's just
47:17pure love but um but i'm sorry i'm sorry i can't even there's not a word i could give youyou know except that i'm happy to hear your voice today you know and thanks uh thanks for letting memake thanks thank you for let me be a part of your laughter you know sometimes when i'm likein pain and stuff i won't even let people make me laugh kind of it's like you know that stuffwhen you're like young or something or something's rough and you want to laugh and it's likeyou won't let somebody make you laugh. It's like almost out of posterity and stuff.But man, thank you, bro. Thank you just for sharing that story today and for letting us have amoment to remember him. I don't even know what he looks like, you know, but I'm just going to
48:09remember a sweet soul that loved his father and that was trying his best in the world.yeah that's cool that's coolhe seems like a he feels like a neat kid so thank you so much time for sharing thatwith us today um let's hear another let's hear another call we'll take one more hereWhat do we got here?Hey, what's up, Theo?My name is Lane.What's up, Lane, baby?
48:51And you hear a lot about that lane, baby.The HOV Lane, brother, that threesome, huh?Let's hear more about it.And I just want to call on and give my son a shout out.His name is Mateo.He's three years old.And he's finishing chemo for the second time.And I just want to ask.
49:11Let's go!Let me catch his name again.I just want to call on and give my son a shout out.His name is Mathetto.He's three years old.And he's finishing chemo for the second time.And I just want to ask for a prayer, brother.You know, a prayer that that shit don't come back.
49:30Prayer from the community.And, yeah, shout out to my wife for holding us down for this hard time.And I want to speak into existence that, you know, fuck it.I'm going to do some stand-up comedy.You know, you've been a big inspiration, so shout out to you, too, Zio.Peace.Oh, well, thank you, thank you, thank you for the call, man.Yeah, I'm sorry.
49:54I'm, I'm, I'm glad your son is being a warrior, you know?I'm glad you're here speaking prayer towards your son.I'm glad you're requesting prayer.I'm glad that you're reminding us.It's okay to call others and ask for prayer and ask for energy, you know.God, we forget that.I forget that all the time.I forget that all the time.
50:27Yeah, I'll say a prayer right now.God, we lift up my tail to you and just keep his smile.hopeful and keep him cancer free God and let him have the joy that he wants in the worldand we lift up his mother to you God and just all the all the energy you continue to give herand all the mothers out there who who have to deal with children who are suffering withillnesses man that can be a heavy a heavyheavy burden.And we give, thanks God, that in witnessing other people triumph and witnessing this man witnessing
51:20his young son battle through chemotherapy, that it inspires him to go out and do things,that inspires him to take on things that, like if he wants to do comedy or he wants to singor he wants to do a backflip onlineor whatever he wants to do,you know, that it inspires him,that it pushes him through any potential failure,you know?Because failure is just a little bit of bootleg fear.
51:48That's all that shit is.That's all that shit.That's aftermarket fear, cut.But God, we lift him up, man.Man, that's inspiring.And it inspiring to see a little three-year-old fellow out there, waddling around ringing that chemo, that cancer-free bell out there.Him and Randy Moss out there ringing that bitch, that's beautiful, man.And I lift up my buddy M.K., man, there's a friend of mine named M.K.
52:21And his wife and their family is dealing with a lot of tragedy right now.Their brother, her brother got shot.And I don't know even the situation right now.um but yeah i just want to lift him up god and just let his heart know that he's not aloneand let her heart know and her brother's heart know that they're not alone that people arethinking of them and uh yeah so in your name we pray amen man umi think we did pretty good today this is as good as i can do today guysYou know? I appreciate you. I appreciate to getting all the warm messages.
53:06I'm sorry, I rambled a lot about what happened in New York City, but I wanted to take a few days to kind of digest it because it was all out of my, it was like, it wasn't all out of my control.There was a lot of stuff going on. I'm like, some of this is real. Some of this is not.And I don't like to take any action when I'm a little bit tired, you know.So I want to thank the people that did come out to the show.And it was what it was.It was what it was, boy, what it was, boy.At that we smith stuff, bro.No, but thank you.
53:44Thank you to anybody that's come out to my show.Thank you to anybody that's just been supportedthat's been a part of this group.We're good.We're good here.We're good here.So I just want you to know that wholeheartedly.I'm not here.
53:59we're good here and um and i'm looking forward to actually taking some time off i just want to dothings that are fun for me i want to spend time around my friends and stuff like that and then atthe same time i got to get a little bit of space sometimes i spend so much time like on my phone thesethings like just texting so many things that are just kind of like i just want to be able tohave a little bit of peace for myself and i deserve it rightAnd I deserve it. We all deserve it. And so, yeah, I want to thank everybody for their calls. I want to thank everybody for their care. I want to thank everybody for their calls sharing their own words and stories and on the hotline. And I did get back on my medication. I want people to know that. You know, I'm not worried about that kind of stuff.you know and maybe one day I'll be able to be off of it you know I'm going to make sure that Iwork with a doctor if I if I think about that again um but one day it would be nice to you know
55:13be able to kind of have all your feelings you know in a manageable way and um to have all of yourfeelings you know so um all rightThank you guys so much, and, man, we've got a lot of life to look forward to.I believe that, and I know you do too.And, yeah, you guys be good to yourselves.I'm going to do the same thing, okay?I promise.All right, I'm upstairs.
55:41Gang, baby.Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.I must be cornerstone.Oh, but when.When I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.But it's gonna take it.
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