This Past Weekend - #631 - Free Magic

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

Theo is back with a special Christmas solo episode to talk about the time he and his siblings tried spying on Santa, the music inside a black heartbeat, and where you can find free magic . He also responds to some of your voicemails and gives a caller advice on how to propose. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Acorns: Go to http://acorns.com/theo to get your $20 bonus investment today! UFC on Paramount Plus: Starting in January, stream every UFC fight with Paramount+. Visit http://paramountplus.com/UFC to get started.  Morgan and Morgan: Visit https://forthepeople.com/THEO  to see if you might have a case. Morgan and Morgan. America's Largest Injury Law Firm. Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ghosts, I guess, do they celebrate things like that? I guess they do. Yeah. I wonder if it's fun celebrating something if you're a ghost or not. Like, I wonder if you have a lot of friends if you're a ghost. Because a lot of times people see one ghost. I'd be like, oh, we call it, you know, somebody saw this ghost or whatever. He was hiding behind a tree or something.

He was just being scared, you know, you know, like, ooh, just doing vowels or whatever, just, ooh, you know. But they never like, oh, yeah, we saw some ghosts, some dope-ass ghosts that were just fucking bawling, that were hooping or something. Or just like, yeah, we saw some ghosts. They were vaping and, you know, laughing together and maybe splitting a brownie or something. or just doing like something fun. Okay, yeah, I don't know. I never really thought about that. What are, yeah, so I don't, yeah, anyway, doesn't matter.

All that matters is, um, is the spirit. The spirit of Christmas, that's what's going on right now. It's that time you hear the music. That's what gets me into it, you know? They say it's Christmas. And they say it's Christmas. Christmas. Now, a lot of the, a lot of the radio channels now, it's like very Latino, you know. It's like, um, they said the newborn king, bar, bum, bum.

And then you'll have one. They said the newborn king. bro last night we let the liquor talk but yeah i love the christmas the christmas the energy that's what i got to embrace you know see somebody and you just just give them a little hug or if they don't like you to hug them i'll do this sometimes i still take two hands tap them on the shoulder like that give him that little penguin hug that little that little that little perverted butterfly hug just pat pat pat pat pat pat just let them some people don't like a damn hug some people don't like a hug and sometimes i don't sometimes i'm a cactus

don't touch me but sometimes i just want to i just i just want a hug i won't ask for a hug though that's who i am i ain't no ho you feel me oh ho sorry i know saying it gets offended if you say I ain't no ho because that's his thing but uh yeah you know i won't ask for a hug i'll stand by you and look like i need a hug or do some or just do some shit like this you know what's up bar bum bum but i won't be the one to ask for a hug but i'll need a hug but i won't ask for hug now i'll stand by you like you know i'll loiter I'll loiter right around your arms and chest But I won't ask for that hug

But I need it But I won't ask for it So that's kind of who I am Let's listen to a little music to get us in the spirit And then we're just going to get into some calls from you guys And thank you so much Thank you so much For just letting us be together right now

That's really nice Here we go right here This is, uh, some sounds we'd like to check out every year. And this is Christmas Miracle by One Man Quartet. Mmm, that's nice. What's happening, Holmes? this is like nighttime kind of there's a candle maybe this is Santa we're waiting for Santa everything's out and the kids are asleep this is kind of just the the ambiance that's in the energy

downstairs if you sneak downstairs and look at the tree that was the the most fun. That was the most fun as a kid was sneaking down there and look, you'd like, oh, is he here yet? And you knew he wasn't there. It was just like 10.30 at night, the Christmas Eve. And you'd go down there. And my siblings would all, like, we had to come down the stairs and then go, like,

around the edge of the wall. And then you could kind of see the living room and stuff. There was still, like, the din, like a little dinner table, but then you could see the living room. And, yeah, that was, it was just like, is here? Did he come? And we would all kind of like bottleneck at the bottom of the stairs in our pajamas and shit. And we would, like, we would be like, no, you're not going.

You're not going. And our sisters, they were little. So they were like, fuck, you know, they didn't have any rights or whatever at the time because they were women also. And so we had to, you're like, you're not going. We'll tell you what we see. You know, and they're like, tell us what you see. and then we sneak around

and then once we got around my brother was older than me so then he took jurisdiction you know but he also had bad eyesight he was born I think he didn't have his levels and his eyes were off he had you know he didn't have enough water in his eyes or something

so he'd have to fucking you know he'd have to splash water in his fucking eyes every 40 minutes so he could even get a gander at anything shit I remember at his birthday he'd miss the candles if he didn't rub a little bit of water in his eyes just to kind of you know sometimes if you

you heat up some um if you heat up some uh leftovers you like i'll drip a little water on them that's how that's that's me i'll crack open a leftover if it's in a container i pour you know about 11th of a cup of water on that whatever i don't care what it is lazagna piece of bread whatever sassia whatever's going on you know hint us hint a spice hint a tomato i will pour so i'll just drip that bitch out and then put it in the micro and bam but that was like my brother if he if we didn't you know if mom didn't spray a little bit of water in his eyes right before he blew out the candles on his birthday cake he'd miss that bitch he'd just be spraying a he'd spray just just be spraying a cold right out of another

distance miss a whole cake um but anyway so at that point you know we my brother would be like and once it once we turn the corner of the stairs it was me and him so my sisters were like at the back and they didn't know shit and they only knew what we told them and we lied to them because we were family and so we would go and have to get closer to the tree

and sneak up and my mom's bedroom was right off of the living room and so we had to be quiet and the carpet was kind of wet because our apartment was sinking a little bit like by the kitchen area and so you fucking bro

your knees would start getting all wet but it helped my brother because he could just put his hands into the carpet and then rub him into his eyes and activate those bitches. So we would get close from and be like, is he here?

Is he here? And then we would just see. We would see the tree and the lights. And it would just kind of look like it had during the daytime a little bit. Like definitely more mysterious and nighttimey and the stockings. And it was all just kind of magical. It was just like a thing of like possibility, you know. What were we?

you going to get what was going to happen tomorrow everything was going to be great something new was coming you know it was just yeah there was just i don't know there was something just something just so magical about that scenario and i remember we had the colored lights on the christmas tree and i didn't really like them they looked a little cheesy i thought sometimes but at this time at night it just looked kind of nice and the stockings just hang in there And he'd be like, oh, we'd have to just, oh, go back, go back. My brother would be like, go back,

you little fucking it or whatever. And I'm like, what? And, uh, and we get back to the stairs. And my sisters would be like, what did you see? We'd be like, fuck you. You don't know shit. Because, yeah, we just as kind of family we were. And, uh, but yeah, there was just something beautiful about it.

but no, we'd be like, he's not here. Or, sometimes we would do this. Yes, all the gifts are out there. He already came, but you guys have to go to bed. We would kind of take this superior role with a lie. He'd be like, he already came, but you guys have to go to bed. Or maybe he's not coming. I don't know.

We're one of y'all bad this year. What have you guys been doing? Who's been showing their tits or whatever out on the street, right by the highway? Because we did live by a highway. Right next to that bitch. Like if your hair was wet in the morning, you could put it right outside, like hanging out the window at the apartment. And in the morning, you know, that was high traffic time.

And if enough semis went by this, the wind would whip up and just dry your shit right into a beautiful look. God, you'd look good. And people are like, what are you having your hair? You're like, fucking 18 speed, you know? I got a damn mac. I got, uh, oh, just a new winds off a Mac truck. so but that was fun man that was a good time and that that music reminds me of that a little bit god those memories were nice you know memories are so nice because it can really take you into a

place um oh this is another this another song this is hip hop ready for christmas let's listen to a little bit of this Okay Type shit Okay Christmas Christmas Christmas

Rimmer Rimmer Okay This one Christmas You know what I'm saying? Santa pulling up. This is the kind of look like, say if you're a white guy and you see it, you're in high school and you see your sister talking to, uh, flirting with a black guy and you're okay with it.

This is the kind of music that backs that up. Like, all right. Okay, go ahead, Allison. She doing her shit. so that's that kind of that's a christmas beat right there i feel like that kind of fits you know yeah if you see your sister flirting with black guys at school and you're okay with it that's that heartbeat right there that black heartbeat dude you ever heard a black heartbeat that shit

it's different bro go put your ear up to a black guy's chest dude which i know sounds very dangerous right overall it's yeah black guy they're not going to welcome that they're not they're not going to do it you know a lot of them turn turn into that guy who's that guy on that place for golden state or whatever that always beat people and the media acted like it was okay all the time he would just punch white dudes draymond yes yes that dude that yeah which shit seemed hella racial to me but um but but you Yeah, that dude that was always, I think he did hit a mixed guy also.

But, yeah, so I'm just saying some guys, you can put your ear up to their chest, they might be okay with it. Some guys might get Draymond on you. But I think a black heartbeat is different. That shit got drums, it got probably some 808, trap beat. Like, if you ever go to a doctor's office

and he puts the stethoscope and he puts it up to a black guy's heart, he'll listen sometimes for 20 minutes. There's different tracks. There's fucking, you'll have somebody, feature on somebody's heartbeat you're like holy shit this heartbeat has it there's a you know there's little dirks on it you know this is there's young boy and uh bailey zimmerman like what's going on so uh like damn holy shit what do you you got some big x the plug in you so there's that that

happens where oh the white heartbeat is just like boom boom boom boom boom boom but that black heartbeat that's just got it's got symbols it's got it's just got different you know it's got different level they got a horn section that's just

trapping bro that's what I'm saying bro this shit has a little bit of that black heartbeat vibe right here Uie Ui See ya Say ya Ui

So there we go So there we go A little bit more Christmas music right there Getting into it We did have some calls that came in The hotline is always 985-664-9503

And we had talked about some things in the last episode we'd spoken about you know people doing different challenges there was a Movember where you grow out of a mustache for epilepsy or whatever I can't remember

or there was six shit June or whatever what was it 16 shit June yeah 16 shit June where people were only doing 16 defecates in June for um to support seizures or whatever i'm not even sure what it was i think it was seizures let me see let me

look that up six 16 sorry 16 shit yeah yeah for seizures so you had that you had no nut november you had 45 March you had all these different things that people are trying to do to support to raise causes you know like remember a couple years you they were dumping ice on uh on people with down syndrome or whatever to help them out uh but yeah anyway we had some calls in with people saying well what were the what were similar things like that that they'd had in their time is there another one that you remember trevin um i think it was actually 11 shit june to get specific so less than oh anyways um talking about a call that came in that i remembered no was there any other ones that you remembered that people do

annually. Oh, yeah, 2000, September. Oh, yes. People only taking a certain amount of steps in a certain month. Oh, sober October. That's another one. That's a big one. So there's these things that start to happen. Um, and then people called in with a few of their own. So let's hit them right here. Here we go. Hey, see, oh, this is Sonny from Phoenix, Arizona. And I just wanted to tell you that every Sunny. It's Sunny in Phoenix. Yeah. Come on. Guy. Well, yon-woh-l-l-lis. Sorry. But that's a sound I would make if I were a cat, I'd be like,

and then every now and in, I'd be like, you're a f***git or whatever. Anyway, let's hear more, brother. Thank you for calling. Every year here in Phoenix, we do a little thing called No Burr October, is where you don't actually get cold all October long. And, you know, it's actually not something that anyone is

trying to do is just circumstantially so hot here in Phoenix and no one ever gets cold the entire month of October. You have to wear like no shirt on Halloween. You got to wear a slutty costume on Halloween just to survive. I don't know. It sounds like you're just trying to meet guys or whatever out there. But whatever, dude, I agree with you. It's a very sunburned area. You know, I lived out there in Tucson for a little while. You'll get sunburned just looking at, you know, you go outside and you're sunburned you don't know what to do dude i would go to get the mail and i wouldn't know how to get back home i would be dehydrated i would have to you know i'd have to have somebody from the cartel help me get back to my yard

get hire a coyote to get me to so yeah it's alarmingly hot out there um but you know it that's the crazy you know sometimes people are like man it's i can't believe it's it's so hot today like no shit. It was hot yesterday. It was hot 700 days ago. It was hot 58 days ago. So you just don't know patterns. That's the problem. You don't know how patterns work, dude.

Bar-bum-bum, the deer, the reindeer's are coming. Dude, the first time you had a Mexican dude, like singing like Christmas carols, that like early Mexican dudes that came to America, they didn't fucking know the words to them, bitch. homie.

They did not know the words to the Christmas carols, you know? They'd be like, I'm dreaming above a Christmas for whites and others.

You know, like we changing the lyrics to try to diversify the portfolio a bit. And I respect it, but that shit, you know, it was just kind of wild,

you know? They'd be like, um, Aruro, that it nos rent You're the money, eh. Hey, baby. They were just fucking kind of, hey, what's up, huh?

Let me see that skirt, mommy. You're like, what the fuck? Anyway, let's hear another one that came in. Yeah, no burr. It's no burr out there. It ain't cold at all. Let's see. What we got here?

Another one came on. What up, Theo? Jason here. Good day, Jason. and happy Merry Christmas to you, brother. Alan Morden. So you asked on episode 629 to give some recommendations for things like No Nut November and such. One of the coolest ones that I started doing about five years ago was Every Day of May challenge.

So for every day of May, I do a certain amount of push-ups. It started off with every day of May, I'm going to do 100 push-ups. Two years ago, my Every Day of May challenge was every day of May I'll do 500 push-ups a day. 500 push-ups, man, you're going to be up then. You're going to be as up all the way up. What? That's amazing. Allmord?

Every day of May, I'll do 500 push-ups a day, every day of May. I think it's a really good thing to push on to people. I think it's a great way to kick off. It's like the middle of the year. We've kind of all pissed off with our, you know, we stopped doing our yearly, what are they called, New Year's Revolution. New Year's. Yeah, you don't even know what it's called, dude.

So obviously, you're not getting it done, and that's fine. Sorry. Go, Mormon. Resolutions where, you know, I'm going to work out this year. Everyone's kind of stopped already. But you know about that one, since you did not call it out, I want to let you know that love you, Theo. All of us fans love you.

He's the best. Thank you, brother. I appreciate the nice words, man. Every day in May, that's a nice one. because it kind of takes on a challenge, you know? Like once, there was this thing that was going around a while back. It was like 76 hard or something. And it was like you had to meet somebody that was born in 1976

and show him your cock, you feel me? Anyway, yeah. But that's how you would hear. Like, that's an old trucker joke. But, yeah, I like that every day in May. Because that, you're saying, hey, I'm going to do something here. Because people have New Year's revolutions. them bitches are horrible, you know?

My buddies was like, yeah, he's like, I'm not going to stalk my ex and I'm going to learn a new language. I'm like, well, that's good. It's a lot, you know, it just could be a lot. So, anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. Who cares? It's the end of the year, dude. I used up all my good words throughout the year.

I'm at the bottom of the bag, dude. I'm just down here shaking vowels around, you know? You know what stopped me from investing in the past was, just said, I didn't know. I didn't know the value of putting away a little bit at a time. I didn't know that it builds on itself, that it can create more, which can create more. I didn't know that time was really my greatest asset. I felt like I just didn't have enough money at the time. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow.

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and hello to Paramount Plus. Stream every fight live with one subscription. Visit paramount plus.com slash UFC to get started. That's paramount plus.com slash UFC. That's a good one every day in May. Here we go. We got another one that came in. Hey, CEO. This is Charlie for Cincinnati. Charlie from Cincinnati. Shout out Charlie, boy. Hey, I just wanted to call in and comment on the, you know, you're talking about 2000 September. We got, uh, oh, what do you say, 11 shit June. It's 16, but yes, onward.

You know, me and my family, um, a lot of times around the holidays, what we'll do, you know, we'll do a, uh, and maybe not me personally, but I know a lot of the ladies in my family, they like to do a 40-queef Kwanza. Ooh, 40-Queef Kwanza. Wow. Yeah, I didn't even know it, you know, Gazuntite. Yeah, let me get your family a box at Kleenex, brother.

Let's hear more, brother. If you know what I'm saying, let me know if you know anybody in your life that likes to do a 40-please-planza. Let me let you know. I don't know. You told us about it. So I don't even know about it.

That's new to me. But that's a great one. That is a great one, man. And that's tough, I think, to, I don't know how you exactly arrange that. Because I don't know if that's a seasonal thing. I don't know if that's definitely like something that happens more in the spring to women because of pollen. if that's bigger, if that brings it on or whatever. All right, let's get another couple of calls here that came in.

Hi, Dio, I've been watching you for a while, and I really like, it really helps with the situations people go through, hearing them out and it just makes everything easier. Right now, I'm going through a situation. I didn't ever think I would be the one to be calling you, but things end up how they are. I just need some advice right now, and I don't know what to do. My girlfriend, I've been with my girlfriend for four years. Okay, thank you, brother, for sharing that information. Let's hear more. She's basically, I'm 22 to start off.

I'm 22. She's 19. We started dating young about four years ago, and she really changed my life. I wasn't on the right path, and she helped me out a lot, and she got me through addiction. She got me through all my problems in my life, and I left my house to be with her. I left my home with my family when I was 18 years old. I wasn't living in an ideal spot, so I decided to leave and pursue a life with her. And we've been up and down over the years, but it just came to a point where I guess she got bored or tired or, I don't know,

because she just lost interest in me. And we recently decided to split, not split, but just, like, take a break. And I left the apartment that we lived in for a little bit to go be with my family just for, like, a month or two, just to take some time apart. And I just received the text a week ago that she ended up getting pregnant by another guy. And it's just, it just hurts. I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to tell.

I don't know. Well, thanks for, yeah, thanks for letting us know what's going on, brother. Yeah, if you leave your apartment for a month or something and somebody and your ex or your girl gets pregnant, that's a tough thing. That's wild. You know, if I'm real honest with you, when you talked about the buildup to you guys' relationship, you said that, you know, she helped you get through addiction. She helped you with this and she kind of helped solve all your problems and you guys moved in together. It felt like to me that you were putting way too many, you was putting way too many candles on the altar of her

for y'all's, for your well-being. You know, like, she's the reason for all of these things as opposed to you are the reason for some of them. Or you guys' union, I think, can be a catalyst for more positivity, but to put that much energy where it's like she was the reason everything got better and I left my family to be with her it just um that feels like it's a lot it felt like a lot of pressure which is okay bro i mean i definitely yeah i put way i yeah i had like when i was in a relationship it would be like this girl was almost like you know it'd be like

a girlfriend but also like times it was like she was like my mother it was just like there was all this weird other energy that i was attaching that i didn't know it to the relationship i was in so I was expecting like this girlfriend to be so many things and more than a human could really be because you know you got to be

you know you got to stand on your own business of your own feelings in your heart you got to have ten toes on you so yeah I just felt like man that felt like you were putting a lot on that and no joke judgment. I'm not judging. I'm just kind of looking at it. Dude, yeah, I was like, oh, one time I stayed with a girl that I was, you know, I thought I was in love with them,

but really I was just, I didn't want to be alone type shit. I also, dude, I once stayed with a girl, this is the worst thing to even admit. God, I feel horrible. I stayed with a girl that I couldn't stand. I couldn't really stand her. I loved her also, though, at the same time, And that's how love works. You know what I'm saying? Love, I'll give you a bouquet of flower, but it'll have a, it don't have a knife in the middle of it. You know, that's just how love is kind of.

But, dude, I stayed with this girl one time because I didn't want her to find a guy. I didn't want her to find a guy that would actually care about her. That's crazy, bro. That's crazy. And I feel, I didn't know at the time that's what I was doing. but yeah that's what I was like man I'm not breaking up with her

because she might find somebody that actually cares about her fuck that's crazy does that sound too crazy to even say Trevin no I mean I think it's like the mentality if I can't have her no one can yeah yeah just like desperate young shit you know that Romeo and

Julian type shit you know and that's the street version of Romeo and Julie at Romeo and Julian, bro. And that's gay too, bro. Romeo and Julian sounds hella gay. Hollywood will probably come out with it in a week. Romeo and Julian. All right.

Fuck, I forgot to even get this guy a suggestion. But yeah, I think if she got, I think it's just, it's time to let it go. It's time to move on. And it's time to. to tell yourself like uh because it's it's it's tough to put the responsibility of our own feelings about ourself onto ourself it's easy if i can be like oh if she's mad at me or if this is good or this is always a problem with her then then that keeps me from dealing with anything about me you know i would always have a problem when i was in early relationship

I'd always have a, I was jealous, a ton of jealousy. Oh, I was so jealous. So, yeah, I think it's tough, bro. It's tough to look at ourselves. Because if I have somebody else, then, you know. But if I just got me, oh, how scary does that feel? That's why when I see a candle, I'm always like, that bitch is brave.

When I see a fire, that's just like a big orgy or whatever. That's just a big orgy. But I see a candle. I'm like, damn, that bitch is standing on business right there. So, yeah, look, man, and if they're having a child or they're in love or something, don't get in there and be raising that child or whatever, buying that little, little, little, little, little, little top. Don't be buying that little whippersnapper or a little bicycle. cycle or whatever or get him a little

wha shiff a robe or something don't be doing all of that shit don't go down that path I think you got to stand on your own shit and get out into your own life bro that's what I feel like and also God bless bro type shit

I'm gonna do a hat toss for you bro shout out 845 hat toss bro. All right. We got a thing right here. The fella call up. Hey, Theo.

I've just been listening a couple of your podcasts a lot recently. And I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend three to almost four years. What's some advice that you would give on doing that and what's something I could add

into doing it? Well, look, I think you've got to add some, you have to add something to it. You have to add some charm. Because here's the thing. An engagement is kind of the first real moment of a marriage, right? And if that means something, if you put something into that, you're going to put something in everything.

Maybe, I don't know. Shat might be out of my mind. I don't know. But I saw this one the other day, and this one kind of disappointed me a little bit. And this is a fellow, you can't see this, but there's a fellow in a small home. I believe it's a trailer home, probably.

And he's asking his lady to marry her. He gets up in the living room near the television. It looks like Masked Singer or something is on. But that's not part of the engagement story. It's just he's standing up. And they got a series of a pit bulls running around, beautiful little animals running around. And here we go.

He stands up and he's got a ring with him. Here we go. And he's beckoning her to get off of the couch to come over and see him. And I believe the mother-in-law or a friend is recording. Let's go. Are you on a farm? Come here. You're going to dance.

No. Really? Yeah. And that's it. She takes the ring. Doesn't even hug the guy and walks over to the sofa. So, yeah, that, it's just a while, like, he kind of gets down on the knees. Or he's standing in the living room, and he's like, come over here.

Come here. I mean that's not a way to start come here come here you know like your fucking mortal combat like uh and here's the craziest part she goes you're gonna fart like that's where you know and that's almost beautiful i guess in a way because it's like that if you did do a nice fart or something during the holidays that you'd want your loved one to be there for it that's there's something very tribal about that and very, um, you know, uh, symptomatic or something. Maybe I don't know, but, but yeah, but in this instance, you can just tell it's not. So anyway, yeah, you don't want to beckon your girl over to hit the need to propose and she

thinks, oh, you're going to fart and you want me to get over there and be a witness to it. Now, also, having someone to witness a great fart is, it's nice, but I think it's also nice. Like, one of my favorite things that Shane Gillis ever told me was that when he was in high school, they would sit in the pews because they were at a Catholic school, and they would sit in the pews during Mass. And every now and then somebody would just rip a butt wrangler off of the wooden pews. and just during complete silence when all your friends were in there and it would just be I still think about I still laugh at that sometimes when I'm walking around so yeah there's different degrees of handling that but you want to do something nice you want to do something

that means something so yeah yeah yeah so just being creative be creative get creative make something and it can be it can be silly it can be kind of ridiculous. It could be a scavenger hunt. It could be maybe you, um, feed the ring to an animal. Maybe you guys like to hunt, right? So you, you, you hide the ring in some feed for an animal. The animal eats it. Then you guys go out hunt, um, hunt the animal. You get the animal butcher or whatever. And then she, you guys are cook, you make the meal, bam, is venison or something. you crack it open and yeah will you marry me and then uh so i'm just yeah there's different ways to do it but that's it i just think make it mean something man and whatever that means

to her as well like what would make her think it's nice what would make her what would mean something you know just don't let it be a far bro All right. Let's get into another call or two. What's up, Theo? It's Jack from Good Old Midland, Texas. We did a shot there in Midland, man. Thank you for the call, Jack.

Onward? And I don't know. I was just going to talk about, I feel like sometimes I get a rush to grow up. I'm 18 years old. I graduated high school as a junior. I'm already working. Like, I don't know.

Sometimes I just feel like I get in a rush, man. Like, I need to slow down, but I also need to get my life together. I don't know. I was just going to see if I get you guys. Thanks, brother. Sorry to cut you off. Thank you for the call.

Yeah. Oh, dude, I've all. I rush through everything. I don't want to be in anything. I don't want to, oh, I got to be here. I got to stay. I got to do. Yeah.

I got commitment to the law. I got commitment sometimes just to life to moments. I, you know, it's hard to slow it down enough. But I think also some of that rushes, you want to be able to control things. Well, if I can get freedom to have some money, if I can get freedom to have my own place, if I can get freedom to have my own car, me own wheels, me own station wagon or whatever, me own wheelbarrow, me own pressure washer, you know, me own bass boat, me own girl from me, you know. Then you're controlling, you're not in anybody else's orbit, really.

You're in control of things. So some of that's kind of nice. You know, when they say discipline equals freedom as well, I mean, Jocco Willink preaches that and that you get things going, you get things organized and get things cracking. I mean, even like I talk about with that investing app and stuff that I like, it's like, you know, that planning ahead and that strategize and it helps. You know, if I did invest a little bit of change early, I have money now. So I think there's some, there's a lot of value to that.

but yeah but yeah oh dude i always want to get through this to get to that oh it'll be better then let's just get to that i'm always out here looking in the distance and i'll be tripping over beautiful shit while i'm just looking at for that who knows what that's a million miles away um and i don't know if it's bad or good i think you're like you're saying like you said right in here you said let's play it um i'm already working like i don't know sometimes i just feel like i get in a rush man like like i need to slow down but i also need to get my life together yeah slow down rush you know get my life together i don't know i was just going to see if i you might be yeah so that's it man you're if you're doing fine

meditation will help you slow down for sure to give you a little bit of peace even in moments of uh overwhelmingness so that's that might be all you need you're really sticking to some meditation man that way you can be going fast but you're slow on the inside baby you're in control you got a cockpit you're not just running around with your cop type shit boys praise god that's what's up Hey, Santa.

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That's F-O-R-the-people.com slash T-H-E-O. This is a paid advertisement. Let's see if one of the call came in. Yeah, so I thought it'd be a fun thing to take my wife to a raid room, and we went out for dinner first, and everything was good. We wasn't arguing or anything, and we went in this raid room. hell, she started beating the piss out of meat. And really pissed me off.

I don't know why she's done it. But kind of turned me on. I wanted to swing back, but she had a bat in her hand, and that didn't look too fun. But it would have been kind of hard to fight her when I was bricked up, you know. but we went home and had a quiet ride home as soon as we got home I was so bricked up I just ended up just plowing that thing

you know like uh huh like you know what I mean oh yeah 40 acres in a mule baby I was wondering your advice on that I don't even know what brought it on but well look there's something if you watch a woman beat the shit out of a damn Honda Civic or whatever and break all the windows and headlights out of that bitch with a baseball bat and you don't get erect then you're some kind of little ho

I mean shit like that turned me on dude especially where I grew up dude every now and you see a woman come out there angry at her husband or some guy that was having sex with her and not claiming her. And you'd see a woman come out there and beat the book and just beat the dang headlights out of his Caprice Classic.

God. Hell yeah. No, man, there's nothing wrong with getting erect if you see a woman beating the shit out of something with a bat. I mean, that's why I love the whole movie of A League of Their Own. That's what the whole movie is. So there's nothing wrong with that. God, yeah.

Now, you're all so lucky. I can't keep an erection around broken glass. Cannot do it. Dude, if my wiener hears a wind of shatter within probably 80 yards, that thing. Just punks of tiny fills right into my nuts. Maybe that thing won't be out. that thing just saw it shadow dog eight more weeks of winter down

yeah but god yeah I used to love that type of shit in our neighborhood this lady used to make me go sit in her car with her and she'd be all drunk drinking dackeries Miss Carol that was her name and she'd be drinking dackeries over there

and she would just tell me she wished I was old enough to drive I wish you were old enough to drive. I'd let you drive me some wires. God! I was so fucking erect. I couldn't even... God, I couldn't.

My fucking scoliosis was cured. I was just like, oh, God. And then she'd get out. Sometimes she had cut off pants on, and she'd get out and rub her little butt, like rub the bottom of her butt on the damn warm headlights of that car, that vehicle. That's back when headlights used to get warm.

Then Mitches used to get warm. And she'd just be bending over, kind of drinking that dacry and rubbing her little tail on that warm light. Wish you could drive me. Damn, brother, hell, yeah. God, I couldn't even, I didn't have enough blood flow in my eyes at that moment. I just had so much erection going on. I didn't even have any blood in my eyes to keep.

keep me active act i can barely see like my damn like my damn brother he had to come over and rub some of his water in my eyes just so that's just yeah it must be a family optical disease that we got in certain moments but but god is good brother at least you have a wife at least y'all are going out and doing something yeah taking your wife to a rage room that's cute yeah all that matters is what what am i putting into the relationship whether i'm getting married whether i'm doing an engagement, you know, what am I putting into this thing? Am I trying to make some moments special? Because if I don't make some moments special,

that ain't going to be no special moments. That's the most I realize this about life. You know, sometimes I'll be like, man, nothing's exciting. Well, things just aren't exciting. They're not just going to be magic. You got to, you know, you got to be your own David Blaine sometimes. or Chris Angle or Kurt Angle even

shit I don't care if you wear a damn leotard while you do it or a unitarred and body slam somebody but you got to bring the magic except at Christmas that's when there's just something kind of built in you know there's just something kind of special about it

just that sound those kids coming down the stairs you see that Christmas tree boy and I'd come later at night too we all would I think I I bet if I ask my siblings we all kind of did people would wake up at a certain you just woke up all night

during Christmas time you sneak down and at some point the presents would be out you're like oh they're hiking and half the cookies would be I'd eat one I'd eat two bites out of that bitch. Hell, sometimes I'd come down early

and the cookies and milk hadn't been eaten yet. I'd eat, I'd drink half that bitch and eat one in them bitches. My mom was like, who was here? But yeah, you'd come down and you see that tree all lit up. That was one of the nicest times to kind of go back to bed then. You were just excited, and it wasn't really about the gifts So it was something about the magic of it. There was free magic.

Yeah, it just meant something. And that was beautiful. Those were beautiful times. That Christmas spirit. That Christmas spirit, man. There's something to it. There's something to it. I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas.

And I'm trying to think of anything else that needs to be said. You know, it's a special time a year. It's a special time to forgive ourselves and forgive others. Just to let go. Let go of the ways we've done it. Yeah, ask God to help us have a new year. You know, the Lord sent his son, baby, that crazy baby. Jesus, baby.

Yahweh, baby. To take away the sins of the wild. So let him do it. Let him do it, baby. Lord, drive a dump truck into my heart and take away all this. All this confusion, pain, uncertainty, control, anger, hatred, vitriol, and self-infliction. Take away. Just take it. Take it. And recycle me, baby boy. Recycle me. Yeah, I love you guys. Thank you guys so much for letting me.

be a part of your year. There is some fun stuff that we're going to be doing in the new year. I'm excited. I want to add some new things to the solo episodes that are that are going to be more like regular occurring type of things. So I have some like just like like like like plans and strategy. We want to talk to more miracles. You know, we've got a couple miracles.

We had that one fellow that was doing dope that fell off that building and he fell 13 stories or whatever. and he passed by some of his neighbors remember and saw them smoking dope on their balcony when he fell pretty crazy and then our other fella got hit by two trains baby two trains and God and he survived

he had headphones on and got hit just whew that dang brother sometime woo you wish the Lord would just give you a cross walk give me a cross walk give me a cross wall

yeah that was Dalton Dalton baby two trays we got to check in with Dalton but we need we want to add more miracles to next year if you have experienced a miracle or someone you know in your life that has experienced a miracle

that have felt the powers of the great beyond keep them safe in a moment that could not have happened otherwise hit the hotline [phone] or you can contact the producers through the email on the theovon.com site yeah that's all we got it's been we're happy to be alive and who knows what it looks like this may be the last year we're allowed to celebrate Christmas I'm not sure what they have planned for us but we're going to keep fighting we're going to keep fighting we're going to fighting um and we're excited uh to try to do that and to learn as we go trevin what are you thinking

i dig it man merry christmas merry christmas to you too man merry christmas to you too uh our producer putting this notes right here or other producer zach and merry christmas to him nick andrew baxter raleigh mal who knocked a woman up gosh That's crazy, dude. But that's how it is, bro. Like, you know, I think he'd had sex five times and that fifth time he made a child. Boy.

Bro, you got to use that syrup sparingly, honey. Dang. But it is what it is. I remember when I learned about condensed milk, dude, the second I had one taste of that stuff, I like, dang, this shit's good. And then you want to use it. You want it on everything.

But you can't put it on everything, Raleigh. All right. we go one more call from the hotline before we end the year and next week we'll have a best of episode and then we may have a week off i'm not sure we may not we'll see what's going on but uh i love you guys and i you guys be good to yourselves thank you and thank you for all just all the support there's so many nice things that i never get to say that happened nice messages people send or nice things people brought out to shows um I mean, just altos, just like, there's so many, so much kindness has been extended towards me by you guys.

And thank you. I love you. And I appreciate it. Here we go. Hey, Theo. My name is Jake. And what's up, Jake? Thank you for calling onward.

I'm feeling a little emotional right now, but in a really good way. I'm in the military. I've been in the Army for over six years now. Thank you for your service, champ. Um,ward. And, um, I'm currently driving home to go spend Christmas with my family for the first time in four years. And I just wanted to, you know, thank God that I'm able to do that. and I want to, you know, reach out to all my fellow soldiers who listen to your great podcast

and just say, you know, if you're able to go visit your family, I'm very happy for you. And if you're not able to, if you have to spend it somewhere where you don't really want to be, you know, I know how it feels. I know a lot of other soldiers know how it feels. and, you know, it sucks, but we're here for you and stay strong. I know it sucks missing holidays, birthdays, you know, kids' birthdays and all of that. So, you know, thank you, Theo, for what you do. You've gotten me through a lot of these years that I've spent away from my family and, you know, prayers to you and your team and prayers to all my

fellow soldiers out there spending Christmas with their family or without them love you brother amen amen man yeah that's the feeling that's the feeling that's the candle that's the pilot light i needed right there when i'm pulling up to my families or i'm going to walk into my home just to be grateful that i get to be there for the positive or the negative whatever it is for the apple pie or the uncooked dang chowder or whatever somebody made one time forgot to boil the dang things and everybody got dang dysentery whatever clams or whatever whatever yeah yeah that's the thing when i when i'm for the good the bad whatever it is that there's people that don't get it there's kids who we're going to have to spend

that have to do their holidays over zoom with a with a loved one there's a parent that to do that as well. A soldier who's having to make that, who's made that choice in their life. And it's a choice they made, but still, it's one I'm not brave enough to make or haven't been.

So, yeah. So to take some time to acknowledge that, pray for those families and that peace. And yeah, just to know that you soldiers aren't alone that have to do, put that energy into the world. these people they're not alone and we pray for them and their their kids grow up healthy and nurtured and taken care of that we pray for the confidence of their spouses who are at home

on the front lines with their children holding things down having to kind of be one parent not one parent but be do most of the hands-on parenting and we pray for those people and those soldiers that when they get to spend time with their comrades during the holidays away from their family, that they feel some sense of joy and peace and love. Yeah, so light a candle for those people this time of year. Yeah, maybe I need to, every time I'm lighting a candle, I'm thinking it's for my own light.

Why don't I light one for somebody else? For a prayer and peace for somebody else's joy. Or possibility. for a moment that's not mine yeah those are great things to pray for dude i watch those soldier coming home videos all the time and god oh god i will just i will just start bawling right into a dang bag of ruffles

and then they do the dog sometimes and sometimes loki the dog does not know the person I'm like well this shit something's going on here but yeah and sometimes at the airport you'll see somebody waiting for somebody

like with flowers in a sign or something that's oh or when the soldiers one time I was in Chicago and I think it was I don't remember the airline but a bunch of soldiers had just gotten back they'd all just gotten back

and they were like walking all back. I mean like 100. And they were all, and it was just like this huge thing. It was like a special moment. But thank you, brother. Thank you for helping us think about that. That's the, that's the feeling. That's the candle. And you guys be good to yourselves. Let's go let's let's go out with some music here. And the music we've played already is from one man quartet that played Christmas miracle um and ready for christmas was by zoro and then this song we're going to play right here on our way out we wish you a merry christmas by timothy infinite merry christmas to everybody love you guys glad we got to spend some time together today

Hey, it's Santa. Dog, I heard blitzing as a bitch on me. Ever you are The tidings for Christmas And I'm happy Oh dear Wish you'll marry Prancers a f*** it, homie

Um, um, mm-hmm Mm-hmm, mm-mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Merry Christmas, everybody. God bless you. And head into a happy New Year while I will meet you there. And praise God, man. Be good to yourselves.

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