This Past Weekend - #633 - Trevor Wallace

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Trevor Wallace is a stand-up comedian, content creator and podcaster. You can see him live on his “Alpha Beta Male” tour happening now.  Trevor returns to talk about visiting Africa for the firs...t time, the new trend of OnlyFans bootcamps, and why we need to investigate the Wonka tapes. Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly.  Tecovas: Go to http://tecovas.com/theo to get 10% off when you sign up for email and texts. Blue Chew: Visit https://BlueChew.com for 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code THEO. Ryl Tea: the tea that cleaned up its act and still tastes like the good old days. Refresh yourself now at www.drinkryl.com  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today, and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure, it's a busy time. We still have stuff available if you're interested. We've got the Bobby Collab and the Gang Gang Collegiate Hoodies and the Gang Tots. You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at Theo Vaughn Store.com. And thank you so much for your support. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a content creator.
Starting point is 00:00:58 He has his own podcast called Stiff Sox And his new tour is happening right now Called Alpha Beta Mail You can go check that out I'm grateful for his return Today's guest is Trevor Wallace That's crazy I'm gonna start poaching I don't give a fuck dude
Starting point is 00:01:32 I've got people poach me Mr. Beest is taking some of my guys Has he really? Yeah dude No way I'm poaching I don't think of a fucking more Mr. Beasts took some of your guys Let's start right there that's why Mr. Beast well I mean
Starting point is 00:01:44 I mean, he hires just the best of the best. And what he does is he'll like, kind of like, it's not him. It's like people who work under him. Just finding all the best people in the industry. And honestly, I don't blame him. Because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so strong. Because you get them in, you're like, this is a very simple thing, the simple edit. You can do this, right?
Starting point is 00:02:01 Mock this edit and this edit. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get it back. And you just want to be like, well, you know what, fuck it. Coloring the lines first. Let me see that. Spell your name alphabetically first. Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edit
Starting point is 00:02:17 But he just takes the best of the best And like the people in that town Where's Greenville? Greensboro. Maybe it's near ECU wherever that one is. Okay. And that's a, they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Greenville, that's true, dude. Nick Shirley will shove and bust all your mascots. And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship? That doesn't seem like a very, like, a steady place to be. It's a lot of wobbles going on there. And I love Mr. Beast. I'll say that. He's a good guy,
Starting point is 00:02:46 but he's smart for just taking the best of the best. Well, I think at a certain point you realize, it's almost good. It's like, it's like if you have a hot girlfriend and she gets hit on at a bar,
Starting point is 00:02:54 I'm not mad. Yeah. I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend. Yeah, dude, if somebody just comes up and talks to you and you introduce me your girlfriend and they don't even look at her again. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Dude, I think the most disrespectful thing you can say to a guy after they, you like show them, their girlfriend be like, oh, man, as long as you're happy.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Stuff. As long as you're happy. She's free now Bro, I'm gonna definitely go get her hair braided or something Or like get her rode up or something You have to do something then But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times dude You're like whoa dude
Starting point is 00:03:26 You get two free glimpses It's like Monopoly You get two free out of jails You get two free glimpses And they better be up top glances They better I mean looking at her hair line Clavicles up
Starting point is 00:03:36 Yeah But it is funny that like if you're And I don't think this happens The older you get in life But like when you are Well I'll tell you go on sciatica as you get older it's not as much but like when you start dating somebody it's almost like your boys are like you check her out she's hot right look at her tits yeah and then those people get
Starting point is 00:03:56 married eventually and you're like i've seen your wife's tits yeah why am i even at the wedding i've seen i've seen them yeah i think it's wild like that's one of the things that i think could be wild sometimes about if somebody marries like somebody that has like a lot of only fan stuff out there and stuff like that can be because i don't look at only fans but i don't know and some of the stuff might just be photos. I know some of it's sex. But, but that could be,
Starting point is 00:04:16 it's all. It's all S-E-X. It's crazy. You're like, truly they don't go all the way. And you do one Reddit search. And they're, they're in the dark webs.
Starting point is 00:04:25 They're going all the way? All the way. Oh, my God. It's crazy. Well, I think they do it because it's like behind so many paywalls they're like, nobody's going to see this.
Starting point is 00:04:31 And do they even have a shirt on or anything or nothing? No. I don't even know if they have the AC on. It's like a sweaty place. I don't know, man. There's always music in the background. And it's always like, Wiz Khalifa, like, young, wild and free.
Starting point is 00:04:43 And you're like, I don't know if this is the most. I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation. Yeah, dude. If you're getting kind of shank down somewhere, I think you've got to have the AC on, I feel like. AC on and windows down or like the blinds down. It's too bright in there. Oh, yeah. But then if some of the dark, I will say this, haven't been a user pornography.
Starting point is 00:05:05 You're still off, yeah? I've had some setbacks. Yeah. And what sparked that setback? Oh, I'll tell you. Not to trigger anything. No, dude. You trigger something that night.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Frustrated, lonesome. Yeah. Laying there. Like, reading. And they've been like, oh, this book isn't enough, you know? Like, and it's just a book, it's like a good book. Is that photos or no? It's like, all's quiet on the Western front or something.
Starting point is 00:05:27 It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make me spray, you know? Oh, yeah. You're talking about the dust bowl? Yeah. Um, I mean, there are a couple of scenes in, uh, grapes or wrath that kind of like. Really? Well, there is a very, like, there's a very, like, there's a very, There's a scene where the mom at the end, or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end,
Starting point is 00:05:45 has to breastfeed a person because, like an adult, because they just don't have anything to eat. Yes. I've been not hungry before, though. But that's like, I mean, that's, uh, oh, we're already on Reddit. It's about it happened. We're two clicks away for some tips. Yeah. Let's back out of here because I'm already, well, I'm looking at the Louis CK book behind you.
Starting point is 00:06:04 And something about that cover like that, that feels like, like a little. Oh, this is a rough. But yeah, dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know? Yeah. And if I haven't been meditating, I have a little, like, a moment of peace before, like, I, like, react. Mental masturbation, yeah. Well, it's like, I'm just not as reactive. It's like, I have a moment of like, okay, well, what do I really want to do here, you know?
Starting point is 00:06:24 Because then I'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing. But overall, it's got a lot better. I mean, it's instant. The second it leaves the body, it's like, come out, regret in. And it's like a baton. Like, it's like a handoff. It's like, goodbye, good night. And then you're just sitting there.
Starting point is 00:06:38 with shame. How are you in hotel rooms? Are you like after shows? Are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep? Or you're just kind of sitting there pace in a little bit? Oh, man. I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff. You know?
Starting point is 00:06:51 I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad, because that used to be the thing. Like, you get in a nice room. You got to jerk up right when you get in there. That's the key card. Yeah. It's like, oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA. You're just spraying on the freaking, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the,
Starting point is 00:07:08 Right there. Exactly. And then you stick the Do Not Disturb sign on the nut. But I just feel like any room, it's just not home. So it's always going to feel awkward. It's just like the AC. The AC needs to pick a lane. It's on and it's off.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Yeah. It's on those. And you're like, why you edging me with AC? The AC does feel like it's edging all the time. It's a crazy time you are, I think, too, in the winter. You can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is. The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second. and then it kind of disappears really fast.
Starting point is 00:07:40 It's like, I don't know. All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude. I mean, getting through the winter, getting through these days, I kind of, I never want the year to start. That's what I realize. I do not. Yes, it's like, I'm still like trying to relax and chill
Starting point is 00:07:54 and the year just starts back so fast. You've been taking a break, though, yeah? How are you feeling? Good? Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure. Yeah, nice. But I want to just keep doing that. And that's fine.
Starting point is 00:08:03 But I think the calendar is just like, here, we're going again. You know, it's going to be. I feel that. It takes me a while to, calm down and then the second I started to calm down, that's when it starts to ramp it back up. Yeah. It's like to, if you really need to enjoy vacation, let's say you want to week off, you almost need like two or three days before and two or three days after to like build in and then to like build up to get out.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Do you think like, do you think it's tougher for people to find like spouses and stuff these days because there's so much like date? Like so many people that like you've dated your friends and all that kind of stuff. Does that ever affect you think at all? What's the question? Like if you wanted to find like a girlfriend or something, is it tough because it's like, oh man, my buddies date her. It's like there's just so much. Oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:08:46 In the same town, I guess it just depends on like the town capacity. I mean, like where my dad grew up, it's like 5,000 people. Yeah, I mean, at that point, it's like you might have to run it back once or twice. You might have to date somebody you dated years back just to be like, we've hit the cycle. You know, at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow and then like the same dancers come out. Yeah. Every, like, three songs. With a new hat or whatever.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Yeah, exactly. And they just put, like, L'I. In front of their name. Yeah. There's diamond now. There's L diamond. Yeah. Yeah, Lina.
Starting point is 00:09:14 So it's L-Diamon. That's, and she's next. I think it just depends on the town. Yeah, dude. I think that's why guys randomly just move, though. Yeah. Like, fuck, I'm going to Oregon. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:26 And dudes will be like, hey, is there, some dude will send out like a tweet like, hey, is there some good boss out in Oregon or whatever? The craziest shit to me. Some dudes will reply like, like, bro, no. Puss in Oregon, dude. And they're with a girl right there. They're with a wife. The crazy shit is the people that like,
Starting point is 00:09:41 and I'm sure you've had people like this on your tour. I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this. But like I don't, like, there'll be guys on your tour who are like swiping in the next city. They're like meal prep and swipes. Yes. They're like, oh, I'm already in Chattanooga. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:55 We're in San Diego, brother. What the hell are you on? Yeah, I've had some openers that are like that. They're already in the next city and they're like, oh, I got a girl maybe coming through. And I'm like, how'd you meet her? And like, I met her on hands or whatever. We're together now.
Starting point is 00:10:07 It's crazy. Yeah, the pre-swipes. I don't know, man. It's, I guess, I don't know. I guess it's like kind of like ordering an Uber for the next day or something. I don't know. Like, there's some smart strategy behind it. That's Uber Eats, dude.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Yes, sir. Yeah, sir. Uber Eats out. Dude, a lot of crazy stuff. What did I see that? There was a one girl. Trish, Trisha Pettus. Is running for office.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Did you see that? Do you know her kids' names? Uh-uh. I don't know why you would. I don't know why I do But her kids' names are something Can you pull that up somewhere someone? It's fun.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Yeah, it's Elvis and Aquaman Who should be in the new Jason Memo movie. Wow. And Malibu Barbie. Malibu Barbie, Elvis and Aquaman Moses. And they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit, but their names follow a theme of pop culture and iconic figures with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer,
Starting point is 00:10:58 water sign, birth month, and the movie. And their fourth kid is Charlie Kirk. No. Reincarnated. But this is her right here. So I never thought of it. Is this real? She's running for president?
Starting point is 00:11:11 She's running for office, I believe, for Congress. I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so. And what is she eating? Is she doing a muckbang while running for office? That is crazy. That's a good way to keep attention, though. Why the fuck wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaigns? Biden was fucking eating ideas from years ago, bro.
Starting point is 00:11:36 That guy was fucking eating his words. Bro, can you even imagine the pain that Biden had to go through each day when they put him back up there? And they're like, okay, you're going back up there. Yeah, I feel like... And he didn't have any clue what he was doing. He was...
Starting point is 00:11:50 Like, you've seen people... He's like Aaron Rogers. He's like, he's still playing, but he just wants to be on a beach on ayahuasca. Yeah. He just wants to be away. Every day I think who would want to be president? Every day you have people yelling at you
Starting point is 00:12:03 It seems like the worst But I just when he went out Then they put him on that bike They knew he couldn't do it It's all crazy That was the first hit from Another country Was the bike
Starting point is 00:12:17 Yeah When he fell off that bike Or when that bike went down That was somebody That was somebody on like North Dakota And being like let's take him out Deflate the tires Yeah let's wait one of these pedals
Starting point is 00:12:27 It would only take a little bit What did she say What else did she say? Let's see. Is this serious that she's running? And for those you don't know, Tricia Paitos is a... She's done everything.
Starting point is 00:12:37 She's really just culturally well-known online on YouTube and TikTok and everything. And I believe at one point she did... YouTube and influencer. K-O-R-N. Announce, pleads express a desire to make a difference amid horrible stuff in California in the world, calling the idea crazy but vivid. From a dream she had,
Starting point is 00:12:56 she plans to run as a right-in candidate initially and then self-funder pan... campaign. Her potential slogan, potential slogan is California could be good. Hey, that's a moderate, that's a moderate set. Yeah. Could be good. Yeah, it's fair. It could be all right. Hey, look how bad. Could be good. It's a fair thing to take with people. Yeah, it's like, I feel like that's like two levels. You know when you go to like a hot chicken place and they have all the different levels. Yeah. And like, make America great again is the number one. Could be good is like the starting point. Like California could be good. It's a nugget. And then it's like, Texas will fuck your
Starting point is 00:13:28 ass. And then it's like, make America great again. Yeah. Wow, that's wild. And what is some of, does she have a, like, a policy? What does she kind of running on? Does she have any priorities is she saying? Does she say it in that speech? What is going on? How do you even run for president?
Starting point is 00:13:41 Like, where do you sign up? Well, this is Congress. And Congress, there's a lot of Congress people, so. Is Congress like the Farm League for baseball? Total of 535 members of Congress, dude. That's like the Brea improv. Yeah. Yeah, that felt, imagine a, that fills the gray improv.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I'd bomb so hard. A hundred serving the U.S. Senate and 4 and 35 serve in the House of Representatives. But can you go back to what her priority was? Can we get to that? Really dark and depressing things, but getting a fold of my mental health means being able to not only deal with my emotions and spirals and triggers, I need to start dealing with the world.
Starting point is 00:14:19 I'm going to start my state. And I really think my slogan for my name will just be like, California could be good. Okay. This is wild. But good for her. What would your slogan be for Nashville? Ooh. Nashville could be quieter.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Let's get this shit hype. Whiteys. Hey. I think that could be it. Type shit. And others. And others. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Type shit. Yeah. Who's ready for some Tennessee type shit? No. Tennessee type shit is way better than Titans. Tennessee type shit. Oh, dude. I mean, that's the first improvement.
Starting point is 00:14:53 You should be a head coach somewhere. The Tennessee type shit. You're at a lot of games. Like, you know ball. We've had a great deal of games, man. Well, the college is great. The university. Cam Ward, shout it to him.
Starting point is 00:15:03 He seems like a great kid. He's going to go far. He seems like a nice guy over there, for sure. I mean, I only met him one time, but he seems nice. Yeah, they've had a rough season over there. They're looking for a new coach right now, so I think they're in a lot of rebuilding going on over at the Titans. Totally.
Starting point is 00:15:16 Well, they should hire Tricia Padas. Because the Titans could be good. Could be good. Could be good. You're right. It's kind of the perfect motto. If she were to win off as the freaky singer, it says here, and this is the Hill,
Starting point is 00:15:27 said her primary goal would be to raise the age requirement for participating in adult entertainment to 25. I think that's probably a good idea. Is that because that's when the brain is fully developed to be like, hey, should I be throwing my post online? Yeah, I think, well, I guess that's, I mean, I think it's obviously up to the women, but I think having a better understanding
Starting point is 00:15:46 of what you want to do before you kind of lock yourself into a video or something is probably a good idea. It is crazy. You can get fully nude on the internet before you can get a bushlight. You can show Bush before getting a bush light. 18, pop it out, but you can't go to a bar. It's kind of wild.
Starting point is 00:16:04 But that was like the original stance with like the war. It's like, you can fire for this country at 18, but it can't get a goddamn coarse latte. Yeah. Now we've just rotated. Women can show a puss, but they can't get a Pacifico. Well, that's what I'm running for. Yeah. Dude, yeah, you could storm the beaches of Pacifica, but you can't get one.
Starting point is 00:16:24 That's kind of the crazy part. Dude, the wildest, uh, maybe they'll do like a, like a mashup, like the army and only fans. Oh, maybe they'll do like a mashup. There's kind of an army going on. There's like a war going on in the OF world right now. Like I don't know if it's like fascinating or I don't think we should draw any more attention to it. But like there's some girl like selling a course and everyone's kind of yelling at her. Who's selling a, selling a course?
Starting point is 00:16:48 She's selling a course on like how to be like in OF. But she's doing like Andrew Tate, but for like popping it online. Like how to like, how to do it and do it well? I guess. Maybe it's about like different positions or something. I think it's like how to like market like if you want to be an O.F. Girl, this is how you would run it. And she, it's a course like like with any of these guys like Andrew Elliott.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Andrew Elliott? No, Andy Elliott. It's just a course that they're selling for $6,000. And now other girls who do that are like, hey, why don't you just give this out for free? Like, why don't, why don't, why you're talking a piece of shit? Like, this course is not good. Like the course is just getting left. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:22 I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's good. It's up to girls. Right? It's their bodies. It's their choices about it. But I do think 18 is kind of young. It's very young. We had a lady on name Laila McAweight, and she talked about a lot of pornography that's online. It's not consensual.
Starting point is 00:17:38 So there was like a lot of lawsuits that made, uh, that made like porn hub and some of these other sites take down non-consensual sex. So it was sex that had been recorded, but nobody ever signed off and said, okay, yes, I'm okay with you putting that up, right? So, only fans, Camelia, it's her. Araja faces backlapse for $5,000 course. People saying it's a scam. I mean, people make courses for everything. It's like, if you go and buy this, then that's your choice. Do I think it's probably the best thing to be kind of marketing?
Starting point is 00:18:14 I don't know. I'm not a woman. I don't know if, but I think, I don't know. What I want my daughter probably doing that if she's like, I don't know. I'll tell you this, it'd be nicer. somebody's 25 and they're able to make that choice probably. Yeah, I think it's just anytime people spend money on something, there's a sense of entitlement where it's like if you pay a premium, you're expecting a premium return.
Starting point is 00:18:36 And then if you log on to it or you buy it and it's just a shit course, then you're instantly mad. So a lot of those courses are pretty mid, though. Remember all those ones during COVID on Facebook? They were like, it was like the, like everybody was putting a course up. It felt like. Yeah, I mean, I did one at one point too. You did? Early, early, early on social media.
Starting point is 00:18:54 During the pandemic, it was just like... They even drive by somebody? Blow O's. And blow loads. That's what it was called. O's and loads. No, it was just like during the pandemic. And I was literally like, I'm just such a workhorse.
Starting point is 00:19:07 And I like, if I'm not doing anything, I like, I just feel guilt. I feel like I need to be doing something. And during the pandemic, I was like, what if I did like a just here's everything I do start to finish video ideas when it comes to like creating ideas to adding it. Did you feel good about it? I felt like, I felt like it was true to me. I don't know. I don't know, which is cool because now I have multiple friends who I watch and
Starting point is 00:19:29 my are online. And like years later, we're like, yo, loki, we took your class. Like, thank you for teaching us like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck. Dude, actually, I took a- So now I'm hanging out with students. I took a comedy class when I started. Yeah. So, yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:19:42 It's like, what's the real difference? Yeah, it's not up anymore. Or I don't think you can buy it anymore, but like, it was just, at the time, it was a one-time purchase, $125, which. That's fair. Yeah. I mean, it's like,
Starting point is 00:19:56 you're a work course though, dude. You love your work. You're locked in, you know? Yeah, I haven't done those in a while, but yeah, well,
Starting point is 00:20:02 I get this. It was broken down in the chapters. It was like five hours totals of stuff. And it was just me saying, I mean, I'm sure parts of it were like, maybe boring,
Starting point is 00:20:10 but I think if you watch the whole thing, I really break it down. Like, that's what's been the hardest thing for me is like hiring additional help. It's like, I am so locked in on like exactly what I want,
Starting point is 00:20:18 what I'm looking for. And then I tell it to somebody and then they don't do it. I'm like, no, no, it's this. Like, mock this example here. And then you have to do it yourself in the end. And that takes a ton of time. Dude, that's the same way I'm with edits.
Starting point is 00:20:31 It's like, I got to stay up and go watch through the edits. It's like, I just got to make sure I'm very meticulous. It's hard for somebody to get your, like, exact ways down, you know? It's just tough. Which is hard because it's like, if you do it, then they don't learn. But sometimes just whether it's a deadline or something, I'll be like, here, just let me over the shirt. I'm like, move this, do this. I'll do it myself.
Starting point is 00:20:48 And be like, you get it? Yeah, but I'm not, like, teaching them. So, I don't know. Nobody told you, like, getting into comedy, now you have to be, like, an employer. Like, you have to be, like, a boss. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:58 You guys hear that back there? It's the fucking worst. Make his life better. No, they do. I, I'm the problem. I feel like, usually it's like, you know, because nobody knows what you want and you don't even know, like, it's so hard to explain yourself, you know.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it is crazy from going to somebody who just wanted to kind of rest all day and, like, barely made it to the shows sometimes. Dude, I remember one time I was drunk, I peed on my phone or whatever, and I couldn't even fucking get a hold of like the people to come and get me for the show. Just like nightmare shit. And then to go from that to being like, oh, dang, I mean, like people are waiting to hear back from me about stuff.
Starting point is 00:21:34 It's like that kind of stuff's a lot. I think evolving in a place, especially if you find out that you like to work a lot and then becoming a boss is super hard. And learning to communicate like a like I'm trying to learn to learn. learn to communicate better. It's been a slow climb, man. The hardest part for me is like if I'm not working, then nobody's working, it feels like, which isn't true, but like it feels like I need to be there to like run ship. But if I'm not, then people are kind of like, who do I, how do I? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:01 That's why the touring makes it hard. So in the world, I just want to bring everybody. Fuck it. Bring your Dell. Bring your PC. You're editing on this flight and we can just all be there. Yeah. Which is just not realistic. But I feel like comedians now work harder than they've ever worked. When you first started, like I remember you were on Last Comic Standing, right? Like in those days, what was kind of? of like your day to day in comedy.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Like, it was just, you wake up and you just had spots at night, or are you doing other shit? Yeah, you had spots at night, go to the gym, probably just try to take care of yourself,
Starting point is 00:22:29 like, you know, stay like, you know, I liked going to the gym at the time. So do that. I mean, I started doing like this, like crank texting thing
Starting point is 00:22:37 and some weird stuff, like making some websites. Oh, oh. Oh, yeah, like trying to look for some other comedy. Yeah, finding something on the internet that could like be like another,
Starting point is 00:22:45 like, force for me or like another thing that I could do. Who are like the big dogs in L.A. when you were... Oh, Nick Thune, Owen Benjamin. Jane Cook was like the biggest guy right when I got there. I never saw him much, but sometimes he would come by some of the rooms. Who else?
Starting point is 00:23:05 Oh, Steve Byrne, Adam Hunter. Those were like the guys that were like real popular at the rooms that I went to. And every now and then, like somebody magical would come to, like a Jim Norton would come to. like a Jim Norton would come through or like Chelsea Handler, I think, came in one time. But those were in the clubs. Those were just like in the like tertiary rooms,
Starting point is 00:23:25 you know? Some of those guys, I guess, and girls that started getting into clubs. So what have you been up to in your time off? You're breaking. You're taking a couple months off now. Yeah, I mean, off a stand-up. We're still doing a ton of podcasting.
Starting point is 00:23:35 In my head I go like, oh, I have a week off, but that just means from touring. Right. Like a week off. Now I'm just doing the same shit, but at home. Yeah. Oh, it's nice having a break from travel. From travel.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Yeah, from that. kind of thing. I mean, I got to go to a lot of football games. That was fun. I mean, I've been able to do that. Like, I mean, I've probably done 26 weeks a year for probably 15 years. So it's like, you know, it's hard to kind of plan it. Well, it's hard to go out of town whenever you just went, we're out of town even for work. So that was fun. Getting to go to a lot of SEC football games. That was great. I got to redo my comedy special, so we're going to retake that at some point. Oh, nice. Have you not say yet? Nope. Breaking news. I haven't heard of here live. So, do you know where you're shooting it yet? I don't yet.
Starting point is 00:24:16 We're going to start. I got to start figuring that out. I just wanted to wait until I felt like kind of excited about, uh, just kind of getting back on stage and I'm just like, I just wanted to have some like space like just the tour. It was just a lot. Last year was just a long year.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Totally. Totally. Um, but it was great. I mean, you know, it was good and it was just a lot. You're just learning and life's changing and you're like,
Starting point is 00:24:36 man, this is like, just take a second to like pause and like, what's a real priority here? Yeah. And you had to get security for some stuff. You know, you started realizing you're kind of freaking out when you're by yourself a little
Starting point is 00:24:45 bit, like things like that. I mean, like, and that makes it kind of spooky, you know? So, I think if you took a, what, a sample size of like one in seven Americans, I would say six of them know you. Oh, now. But, but, like, seven people, just any, like, Santa Fe, New Mexico, you know, Dayton, Ohio. I mean, those two, but, like, if you like. A couple twinks, maybe, you know.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Yeah, but, like, I think you're just so, you're just so. you're just so known that sometimes that you don't when you just show you're just so you though that it like I don't know if you see it I mean obviously you see it
Starting point is 00:25:22 but like how the world sees you that's something that is always an interesting thing is like you don't know how the world because you only see the world but you're so well known that you just show up like solo and I'm like
Starting point is 00:25:33 this motherfucker just interviewed the Ukrainian missile crisis and now he's just at the comedy store walking up by himself like but you want to want to feel like just your own space in the world, you know? And so I think that was like kind of a conflict a lot for me last year and like just
Starting point is 00:25:51 knowing that, okay, well, sometimes you just need to have somebody with you. And then I started really just feeling kind of paranoid when I was by myself. But some of it was just people filming you, just people doing stuff that started to make you kind of crazy. Like you'll just go to eat or you'll go to do something simple. Then it would be like little things. And it's okay. I'm not complaining about it.
Starting point is 00:26:08 I'm just saying there's some adjustment to it. And there's some psychological adjustment to it as well. And then I think like, yeah, things got scary last year when they shot Charlie Kirk. That probably scared everybody who even gets on a stage, I think, was probably scared, you know. Oh, dude, I was at the comedy store. I have a clip of this. I might post it. I'll show it to you to see if it's good or not.
Starting point is 00:26:26 But a balloon popped on New Year's. I was at the store. And my first words, I thought I just got Kirked. And it got a big pop. But it's one of those things is like, do I post it? And then the internet's like, oh, well, now here we go with it. And I'm like, no, I think it's fine, bro. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I think it's like, I mean. But then I talk about Erica and her eyesight. And like that's when it goes like a little like, I think you have to joke about it. Like I start thinking of things to talk about about stuff like that. I mean, it's just, but yeah, I think all that made people kind of spooked. It was like, what's going on? And then it doesn't seem like the investigation. Like, what's really happening here?
Starting point is 00:27:01 And there's like, they show the kid at a dairy queen or something. And it's like, he's wearing different stuff. The biggest thing is like, I think this might have been put on by dairy queen. there's no way that they didn't put a bit in to some bigger picture to be like listen blizzards aren't doing the numbers they used to do like but think about that any okay now I'm getting real conspiracy in here
Starting point is 00:27:21 but any fast food place he goes to their sales are going to go up people watch this and we're like y'all I look you on a blizzard right now yeah for sure if fucking jack in the box did this shit and he ate two tacos bro that's it well dude I'm fucking sick of this planet get me off
Starting point is 00:27:39 This bitch. Dude, if Baskin Robbins did this, they would have 32 flavors. Oh, they'd bring the Chaco Taco Taco back to Taco Bell. I'd make a new flavor for them in the back, homie. That's what I want, dude. That's what that twink fucking... Dude, if that would have happened out of Ben and Jerry's, they would have had it. They would have that flavor quick.
Starting point is 00:27:55 Dude, how do they not have... Twink shooter? Twinkle, twinkle, little star? How do they not have twink shooter, Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor? Dude, that's the thing. Some of these food companies have got to start to come out with foods that people can relate to.
Starting point is 00:28:11 It's like, how do they not have that, um, the, the rooftop gunners MacNugget or something, you know, like, or like, and it's like a little guy. Yeah. Maybe they serve them on a roof. Like you open up the thing and there's a little roof in there and they're all placed on there and one of them has a little pistol or something. Dude, can you, can we pull up a happy meal? Is that crazy you think?
Starting point is 00:28:31 Oh, it's insane. But can we pull up a McDonald's Happy Meal? It has kind of a roof in it. That's what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? And they put a toy. That the fuck. Bro, in Pizza Hut, you don't even want to see a pizza hut with the old, with the old
Starting point is 00:28:44 motherfucking sombrero on it? Yeah, bro. Put a sniper on there. And when Papa John said that word, they should have done a different specialty. Oh. And Papa Johns, you should, when you open one of the boxes every day, this is how they do it. One magical box. It has one of those voice things in it that when you open it.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Yeah. It says the N-word. And if you get that pizza, you get it free. Isn't that interesting? No reward. It's so fucked up. It's so bad. But then you get a reward, you're like, this is low-key Willie Wonka.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Yeah. All people want is a little bit of something extra. They want a little bit of prize. You know, the Epstein files are out, but I'm excited for the Wonka files. I think some weird shit was going down at Willy Wonka. With galores glunt or whatever. It's trying to bitches into blueberries. It's literally all children and little people run around.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Like, I feel like we're getting into some weird files that are going to drop soon. The Wonka tapes. The Wonka tapes. What is this? Trevor Wonka. It's full knowledge now that prize picks is America's number one sports picks app. It's undeniable. The app is really easy to use, and it's got everything. Player picks, team picks, and culture picks. That's right. On top of picking player lineups, you can now pick teams on prize picks. Pick the winner, total, and spread on every game through the playoffs. Team picks are now available
Starting point is 00:30:08 in 30 states, including California, Texas, and Florida, sunny Florida. And culture picks covers everything else. Make picks on the price of crypto, entertainment awards, and even politics. What I love about the player's picks is you just get to pick more or less on a player. It makes it really simple. And right here are my picks for this weekend's games. A tail at your own discretion. I don't have a great strategy.
Starting point is 00:30:37 I don't think. I'm just sort of vibe and you know the drill. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Play responsibly. Prize picks offers DFS and free to play $50 provided as prize picks DFS lineups. Must spend $5 of real money on prize picks before receiving bonus lineups. Price Predict is a registered FCM offering team picks and culture picks as event contracts. Both involve significant risk, not for all. Must be 18 and over. And for event contracts via U.S. resident restriction supply void where prohibited. Use responsibly for help call 100, 426, 2537, or visit WWW.
Starting point is 00:31:07 NCPgambling.org. Anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. You can find your perfect pair like I did with Tocovas. I like showing up in my Tocovas. I like just stepping out into the world, boot first. People see me coming and they look at my feet and they know, hey, he's doing well. If you're thinking about boots, Tocovas has got your back and your feet. With premium, genuine leathers and superior construction techniques, every pair is handcrafted in over 200 steps.
Starting point is 00:31:45 From cowhide and goat to exotic leathers like ostrich and caiman, whether it's your first pair or your 50th, Tocovas has you covered. With over 50 Toccova's stores coast to coast, there's bound to be a store near you. Right now, get 10% of the first. off at tukovas.com slash Theo when you sign up for email and text. That's 10% off at T-E-C-O-V-A-S dot com
Starting point is 00:32:15 slash T-H-E-O. Tocovas.com slash Theo. See site for details. Tocovas. Point your toes west. Was there any, um,
Starting point is 00:32:26 will you look that up, was there any sexual accusations or allegations during Willie Wonka? Let's look that up. But do the OG one. Not the Timmy Shire. Alamea one. I'm just wondering investing any sexual accusations
Starting point is 00:32:39 during the taping of any Willie Wonka film. Child labor laws. Yeah, for sure. They're throwing bitches in a fondue pot. You mentioned rejecting Michael Jackson for Wanko Duda prior a guy's in another. Oh, Michael Jackson was going to be in Wonka?
Starting point is 00:32:55 Charlie and Chocolate Factory. All right, that was a worst joke ever said. We'll take it out. But dude, I guess like Yeah, going back to it, what do you think? Do you think there should be an age law for sex work? Yeah. I do think 25 can make sense.
Starting point is 00:33:15 Like, I think about what I was doing from 18 to 22. I mean, I was just in college. I was making the worst decisions of my entire life. Like, at one point I smoked weed out of a light bulb. Like, literally the base of a light bulb. And like, that same guy could have been like, fuck it, here's my dick. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Because that has tungsten in it, too. It could be real dangerous. probably inhaling tungsten. Yeah, I mean, might as well smoke meth at that point, but I broke a light bulb and used the bottom of it as a bowl for weed.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Yeah, I didn't even use the glass. That's crack neighbor behavior, dude. Yeah, it is. That's crack neighbor behavior. Yeah, that's parallel of crack right there. That's meth adjacent, bro. Methadjacent sounds like a great podcast that could come out.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Methadjacent, holy shit. Oh, what about Freddie versus meth adjacent, dude? Ooh, I like that. But, or what if to, I'm talking, I'm trying to think if like, because yeah, if you had to be 25 to do that and you had to be 18 to be in the Army. But what if they came out with like an army fans, dude? That's the thing. Like I start to see like weird business mergers happening.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Like we've had like Long John Silvers and Baskin Robbins. Didn't they merger? No. Who merged? Pizza Hut and, um... And Long John Silvers? It's always the bitches that can't pull their own on their own. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:34:29 But first of all, Long John Silver's shut it down. Yeah. I mean, investigate their taxes. That's a drug fraud. You thought shit was going on weird in Minnesota with the Somalis? Let's investigate Long John Silver's. Bro, there's no catch of the day out in fucking Midland, Texas. The catch of the day is the felon that was working behind the fry counter.
Starting point is 00:34:51 That's the catch is when he leaves and the ankle monitor goes up. Type in Long John Silver's CEO, if you don't mind. Oh, Long John Silver's right here. Under companies like Yum Brands, that's what they're called. They're creating combined locations with KFC Pete's Hutter, Taco Bell. Yeah, that's the crazy. I just don't like that, dude, because I don't like somebody,
Starting point is 00:35:07 you know they're cooking fish on one on the grill, and they're also cooking a burger. Taco Bell does it with a bunch. It might be Taco Bell on Pizza Hut. You'll see those, like, randomly. Yeah, like a... And they stuff them in a gas station and it's fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:19 It's not the same. None of that shit's the same. But, dude, I could see an Army fans, dude. Can you see the Army fans? I could definitely see it. Who are they, like, taking down? Like... They're not fighting anybody.
Starting point is 00:35:29 It's just military people to show in their junk. Oh, oh, oh. To make an extra buck. I feel like, or probably to fund our military. I feel like I could just see that, you know. I think it's a good idea. To fund the military, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Hold on. Why don't we do it? All these guys are jacked. They work out 24-7. They might have a little bit of dirt or dust on their face from being at combat. There's so many like lonely women in the Midwest, well, globally who are like, that's hot.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Yeah. And the chance they could do like, I don't know what, I'm trying to think what their chance. I've been told. but this bussy But for six more dollars You can see this hole
Starting point is 00:36:06 Yeah something like that Like this busies getting sold Yeah That's what we need dude It's like left right Left right But it's just somebody's showing Their different tips
Starting point is 00:36:16 Yes It's somebody That is a great way to fund The military I think Because everything's going bankrupt So you're gonna have to find ways To fund things
Starting point is 00:36:25 This is what I've been hearing It's like yeah Everywhere is bankrupt Which blows on on it Because it's like What's how Like, we're not getting enough money and it's near the businesses.
Starting point is 00:36:36 So who... I know. I can't even think about it. It hurts my head. It's getting weird, dude. Yeah, I mean... Everything's getting weird, bro. The current CEO of Longdown servers
Starting point is 00:36:44 is Nate Fowler, who took over in February 2025, succeeding Blaine Shortreed, who had served as CEO since early 2021. Can I see a photo of this guy? Yeah. That's Nate Fowler. He's a baller.
Starting point is 00:36:55 Oh, he hoops? Oh, he looks like a nice guy. He looks like a nice guy. He also looks like he's never had Long John Silverson's entire life. He's like, what are we serving here? Oh, hell no. Hell no. Well, dude, they have that carp or whatever.
Starting point is 00:37:12 I'm like, I'm not fucking parking and getting out of my car. Park to carp. Yeah. I don't know. There's something about, I'm not getting carp through a drive-thru. I'm just not going in there to get any carp. Drive-thru is, I think, the downfall of America. I saw a skyline chili in Ohio with a drive-thor.
Starting point is 00:37:30 I say, if you're getting chili on the road, you might as well start drinking. You have a better chance to survive getting a DUI than eating hot spaghettios in the back of a tundra. And sometimes we think like, oh, we're Americans, we deserve so much. But then when you look at what we are willing to accept just on a daily day level for ourselves,
Starting point is 00:37:51 and I know some people, they can't afford certain things, and I get that. But when you're willing to just pull up with your kids and just sit there and eat chili in the car and just do gas on each other and do body gas on each other. What are you doing? It's just come to a point.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Just because you're a Bengals fan or whatever? You don't say, what are we doing? Fucking Joe Burrow play log. Shit is here. Hey, sack this. Yeah, it's so funny how American eyes in my brain, obviously I grew up here. Catch this T. Higgins and your dad just farts again.
Starting point is 00:38:22 You're like, come on, dad. It's probably how it all starts. That's the warm up in the locker room. But it's so, like, this format is so normal to me that if I see a place that doesn't have a driverthiel, I'd be like, awful. Let me look. Like, if I'm going to Starbucks, I'm like, oh, this Starbucks doesn't have a drive-thru.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Let me find a drive-thru. Yeah, that's a good point. All you do is add a road and you up your sales. Oh, dude, a Starbucks on some places would be so good. On a nice steakhouse. But you could wait like 40 minutes in line when you put your order at the sign if it's like a busy place.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Oh, yeah. Yeah, the McRib, they just said this. Black folks are going to be pissed. What's inside of McRibb? McDonald's hit with class action lawsuit claiming the sandwich doesn't contain rib meat. Ooh. Well,
Starting point is 00:39:06 TBD on that, brother, I'm going to leave that up to my more chocolate associates in the world because that's out of my jurisdiction, brother.
Starting point is 00:39:15 According to the complaint that McRib is actually made from restructured pork, which combines cuts such as shoulder, heart, tripe, and scalded stomach,
Starting point is 00:39:24 none of which qualify as rib meat. That's fair. At least it's from a pig. I thought for sure that they were just like painting some, Some cow of different color.
Starting point is 00:39:31 But to just do that, to lie to a culture for so long saying it's rib, I knew it wasn't rib. One of my friends lives and dies by this thing, my buddy, Scotty. I'm like, he's always sending me pictures of him getting the McRib whenever it's back or whatever. I'm like, where did it go? It didn't fucking. Yeah. What did they do? And they used to, like, I mean, Bert always used to talk about that.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Burke Crish would always talk about how, like, crime would go up when the McRib was gone or whatever. I think it did, yeah. I think this is like a real American's, like, uh, groundhog. day. Yeah. I feel like the McRib is back. Fine, honey.
Starting point is 00:40:03 You're getting a ring this year. Why don't more people bet on prize picks with fucking the mic rib? Is it coming back in January?
Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what blows my mind about fast food. I feel like I talked about it on this podcast before. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:40:18 But what fucks me up is, you know, the grill marks on chicken? Mm-hmm. Not real grill. It's a little, it's tattooed on. What do you mean
Starting point is 00:40:25 on chicken? You mean on just regular chicken you buy? Yeah. Not at, like, if you get a, If you get a grilled chicken from McDonald's, not breaded, but grilled, they have, like, grill marks on it. That's fake.
Starting point is 00:40:34 That's, it's like a henna tattoo. Grill marks on, it's like a hana tattoo. Yeah, it's temporary. Fast food chicken are often fake created by industrial branding machines. Yeah. Oh, God. So they do that for the illusion that you're like, this was on a grill. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:48 But I'm a suck. I mean, like, if I see, I'm not questioning it. Well, this scene, they, but I don't think it's that. They're not doing that. That's some guy. That's more work. That's Nicholas. Tesla making a chicken.
Starting point is 00:41:01 But if you, if type in like a McDonald's, no, I think it says it right there. It's obvious, man. But I'm sure there's a video where you like erase it. Like I'm pretty sure. Have you ever wondered how frozen food companies get grill marks on chicken that clearly wasn't cooked on a grill because it came out of a factory? Well, this is how they do it. There are wheels that are very hot that roll directly over the chicken and leave.
Starting point is 00:41:28 them continuously branded with grill marks. Now for six more dollars, she would show you a breast or something at the end of that. Goes the military. Welcome to the military. Welcome to the Air Force, dude. I mean, that's where the hotties are, too. And the military's in the Air Force, bro. What?
Starting point is 00:41:44 The hotties are in there? Yeah. Really? Are people in the military allowed to have an only fans? Because I could see a merger that. I could just see, like, if everything's so weird now, I can easily see a merger there. Well, everybody's doing collabs. Like if Long John Silver's and Dairy Queen are going to do something,
Starting point is 00:42:01 you'd think the military would at least take on one of these websites. And this is a perplexity. Thank you. No members of the U.S. military are not allowed to operate only fans' accounts, particularly those involving adult content due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct. These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval. Now, if you are losing your life or risking your life for a country, I don't know if I believe that that's fair.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Yeah, get the pop a little pee or something. I'll tell you what, if I was in jail, the first thing I'm doing is buying one of those phones out of another dude's ass, which might be the worst convenience store ever. I'm buying a fun out of- Well, here you think you put your money in his hand and whatever comes out of his ass is yours. I think that's usually how that's kind of like... It is very true. Isn't that funny? And it's usually the first thing out because you kind of have to give a...
Starting point is 00:42:47 Like, you don't usually have a ton of money. Yeah, yeah. He's got one item in there. If he's got two, then that boy is into a different pleasure. No, I think you can tickle each guy to kind of see if you can guess... Holy shit. That's how you rob a human vending machine. Yeah. They got an Android. But I think the first thing I would do if I was in jail because I don't know how they get internet or Wi-Fi, but like I'll see like live
Starting point is 00:43:06 TikToks in jail sometimes. Yeah, Drusky has all those guys doing that. He always looped in with like a lot of like, um, it looks kind of like boys to men sort of like it looks like an a a cappella group that went to jail. Right. You know, and they're all wearing schisties and shit and they're all in there. You don't need the shysseysse. You're already in jail. Yeah. But I think I would immediately try to start an OF account. I would be like, I'm already in jail. Like, I would just jail. I would just
Starting point is 00:43:33 beat my shit every night in my cell. Oh, I don't know. I think you get tired of that. You want to start reading. Dude, trust me, let me just tell you. After a couple nights, you're going to want to... If I was in jail. You're going to want to tap into a good book. But just if I wanted to raise enough money to pay for my bail. Oh, for sure. If I'm in jail and I want to get out. Yeah, no, no, no, I hear you.
Starting point is 00:43:51 I think that's always the answer. But if I'm in jail and I'm trying to meet my bail and I need like 50K. I don't know what the crime would be. Type shit. Yeah, I'm showing meat to get some bread. And are you jerking off
Starting point is 00:44:04 semi-regular or what? Not really. Wow. Have you jerked off this year? I thought you were going to say today. No way, dude. I'm not gay, dude. Have you jerked off this year?
Starting point is 00:44:19 Yeah. But it's only when I'm like in hotels. This is the first time I've been in hotel. Well, there hasn't been that much of this year. I'm just saying. So you're still jerking? How many days in are we? Huh? Not enough for you to win this argument.
Starting point is 00:44:30 I'm like a one-a-week guy, you know. Yeah, I'm like a trash can. I got to take the load out to the front yard every once in a while. Well, here's the thing, dude. I'll sometimes jerk off so I don't go do something else that's going to get me in trouble. Yeah. That's what I'll do. It's like, if I'm feeling like, man, I want to go out and meet up with, like, go to a bar,
Starting point is 00:44:48 meet up with some people or do something that, you know, it could be more risky for me. Sometimes I'll jerk off so I don't go do that. Because it'll be like, oh, you know, ain't doing shit, Whitey. After I jerk off, that's kind of the voice that's in my head. You ain't doing shit, you little wigger. What's funny? I had the same thought once I'm on tour.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I was single, but I've never been a guy who's wanted to be like, if somebody DMs me after a show, I'm like, what's up? You know, like, yeah, I say away from that. I mean, I'll engage sometimes, but I'm not, I'm never like, hey, send me that, yeah, no, that's crazy. Send me a drawing of that kuder or whatever, you know. Yeah, draw it on an IG story, make it a boomerang. Make that shit breathe for me.
Starting point is 00:45:25 But, oh my God, you're out there, bro. I'm never that guy. I don't even say that in real life. But you know the lingo dog. You're in there. Let it breathe, yeah. I've been watching Drewski videos. But I remember this exact moment.
Starting point is 00:45:40 It was in, like, I want to say Atlanta. This was like a year or two ago. But this girl DM was like trying to meet up. And I'm like, I don't really do this. But she was really attractive. And she had them bangers and front acorns on her? I don't know. She's private.
Starting point is 00:45:52 She had a yard work on? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She could have been a dude for all I know, but... Shorty had that yard work on her, huh? Front, yeah, she had that reverse mullet all top heavy, nothing in the back. Yeah. But I remember I was like, no, Trevor,
Starting point is 00:46:04 don't do that. But there was a few messages back and forth. And then I went to the bathroom, beat my shit. And I was like, all right, we're good. Yeah. About an hour goes by. And I fill back up testosterone. I go, fuck it, what are you doing? Uh-uh.
Starting point is 00:46:16 And, yeah. Did she come over? No. It was too late. Yeah. But, like, getting the seat out only buys you about. an hour of time. So, so I was like, you know what, you don't need this. Go jerk your shit and have the rest of your night and go to sleep. Oh, for sure. But then I was up for another hour,
Starting point is 00:46:34 all of a sudden, back to the brim. Well, I would, you got to, you got to employ other forces, bro. A lot of times I would jerk off. And then if I had to go eat, like, I would go eat like a bag of bread or something or like half a bag of bread just because I'm not going to go. I feel like it's better to have sex and eat a bag of bread. Well, for sure. But I mean, also you're creating Just like somebody's coming over, you don't know what's going to go on, how late you got to be up. But I would eat a bunch of bread or order a bunch of rolls up to my room and either like six or seven rolls or some toasted or some toasted bread. It's almost like you'd give yourself a ton of bread and then go have sex. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:47:09 It's almost like you give yourself post no regret without doing it. Oh, why do you like two or three burger patties? Just something that would like be like, oh, I'm so glutton. Like I'm not going to be all fat trying to have sex. Chicken wings are a big one. Or I'm just not going to be all like, I don't want to be having sex in here and the food. like you bang around and it's my stomach.
Starting point is 00:47:25 What's the funniest thing you've ever eaten before having a night with somebody you've dated or a lady? Do you ever have like a meal that comes to your mind? No.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Really? Like I remember one time I went to a... I had some probably good like maybe small like like unique little cookies or something, maybe something nice like that.
Starting point is 00:47:44 But you never had one of those like I have a very specific memory I went to a God there's like three really good guitarist right now. What is his name? He's like, he's like,
Starting point is 00:47:53 like the big, he's probably been on the show. String's, Billy Strings? Billy Strings. I was out day drinking all day and I was eating hot dogs day drinking with my friends, which is the straightest thing you can do. Then I went to a, met him with my dad, went to a Billy Strings concert. Oh, he's playing next month at Bridgetown. Wow.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Dude, he's iconic. He's great. He's so good life. But I remember eating a bunch of hot dogs and chicken wings and then I went to Billy Strings with my dad. I had an edible and I went back to my place before his girl came over and I shit so hard. like liquid. And, and I was like, I'm about to shower
Starting point is 00:48:27 and then I get a text, hey, I'm here. Not good. I really had to wipe down. I had to, you know. The craziest is. I should take my ass to a car wash. Yeah, the craziest sometimes you're almost amazed your ass can do all of that.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Yeah. You're like, wow, all right. But that's growing up, man. That really is, yeah. I was just trying to think, like, I feel like... But no, I've never had a crazy meal before. But you never, like, had, like, chicken wings then like indulged in some,
Starting point is 00:48:52 some love making. Oh, for sure. Yeah, but even that's a little... But nothing that stood out crazy. I've never had like any like, you know, like something from India or something that came through the mail. And then I just like, oh, let me finish off
Starting point is 00:49:06 a quarter and a half of this before I try and make love. Never had like clam chowder than been in someone else's clam with some chowder. Come on, deal. You never had like a crazy? Bro, I have a funny-ass story about you. We did a festival together
Starting point is 00:49:20 and Cal oh yeah where were we somewhere in Canada and you you were in your trailer we're hanging out and it was me you and a couple people and we're all in conversation in the middle of the conversation we're in your trailer you watch the bathroom blow it up did I blow it up you sure buddy I mean you can cut this if you want but the it was like in a it was like in a the green room was a motorhome trailer and the doors were thin and we heard we I mean it sounded like a like you were kickstarting at F-350. I mean, it was loud. And then you walk right back out and you're like, so what are you doing tonight? Wow. And I don't know, you can cut that if you want, but no, I might have a long flight or something or who knows. Sometimes you exchange rate on your, oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:04 On your digestive tract? All the travel is. The travel is just like your, it's like your things are small and big and you don't even know you eat two like small things on a plane and when you land, they weigh more because of gravity. It was that one. It was Vancouver. Which Vancouver does have a lot of Indian food, so maybe you got spiked with a little bit of indie. I didn't know what happened, dude. It was just a funny moment. Oh, yeah. That's life. That's all of us. What are we all going to
Starting point is 00:50:28 pretend like, dude, fucking three of those people back there, guarantee one person back there blew a bathroom up this morning. Yeah. Can we get some confirmation? Guilty. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. People are shitting all the time. That's the craziest thing. I can't believe that there's not a report each day that tells you
Starting point is 00:50:44 about it more. Well, there's toilets now that can remember when you've gone to the bathroom and everything like that. There's that new cat thing that if your cat, when your cat goes to the bathroom, it'll let you know, it'll send you a thing at work, like your cat is shit. This is stupid, I hate it. It's called Litter Robot. It's probably the worst app I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:51:00 My problem is these, everything has cats. I'd won, but he'd be shitting. But the thing And you're getting updates about it? Oh, dude, I get his bowel movements every day. It's like, when Spotify rap dropped, I'm like, I don't care who Drake is. I don't care who your top artist is. It's like, you want
Starting point is 00:51:16 to know what day of the week of my cat shit's the hardest it's Wednesday's brother it's it's it's but the problem is everything catch shit every day uh I I want to say so I think they're like a I don't know when they do maybe like nighttime or something but my problem with all these apps is like they everything has an app now but but they're not being made by good app like web developers yeah he's like what why do I gotta have a why do I have an undercase uppercase lowercase password for my cat to shit. I know.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Shit fires me out. Well, I think it's hard because now with AI, like you could just set an AI thing to just try and scramble to figure out somebody's password and it could just do it infinitely, you know? That's why there's a lot of fear these days. But yeah, dude, some of that stuff. What was that thing he was just shown with that cat? The litter robot.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Yeah, it shows. I get pulled it up right now. Oh, I believe you, dude. I'm sorry that you're having to go through all that. It's just crazy that that's kind of where we are. What's the newest thing you bought recently that fired you up? not my i haven't really bought anything i've been kind of looking for a house but it's been like a slow look same area yeah or like same like city yeah i want to live in the same area same city but it's just been
Starting point is 00:52:29 kind of tough there's been something that have come by but it's just like and then it's hard to go look sometimes you get caught up at work and stuff like that but it's been good what uh what do you what what what what kind of speech you in like new house i just want a little more space a little bit like property kind of a little bit just a little bit more land not even a ton but just a little bit more Would you have a farm? I wouldn't mind maybe getting a couple animals or something. I know my mom would like to have some animals, so maybe I could keep some if she wanted to come out and see them sometimes.
Starting point is 00:52:55 That's cool. I mean, it would be nice to have a couple horses and a dog. A couple editors out there. Yeah, a couple editors in the barn. Roosters, donkeys. Some guys cutting clips in the back. Feeding him hay. Feeding him prime energy.
Starting point is 00:53:08 With the animals, dude. Dude, what did I just see? What was that thing at Rogans? I saw this thing. Do you see this thing at Rogan's Club where the furies showed up and we're protesting him? Really? No.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Furries? Yeah. See if you can find that. Is this real? Protesters gather outside Joe Rogan's comedy mothership in Austin. Rogan is Diet,
Starting point is 00:53:35 Alec Jones, never again is now. What does that even mean? That was Trisha Page's backup slogan. What were they there for? Does it say if you look in the comments or anything? This looks like a silent disco.
Starting point is 00:53:50 This is the worst protest I've ever seen. Also, it looks fun. It does look fun I mean they have a Cartman out there Yeah What was that? Discover the protest at Joe Rogan's Connie Mothership
Starting point is 00:54:01 And Austin where critics gathered To voice their opinions on the podcaster Um Well first of all this was on New Year's Eve So these motherfuckers are lonely Yeah that is so sad What are you guys doing when the ball drops We're gonna go protest the mothership
Starting point is 00:54:13 Is that even real? I wonder then? It looks like it could have just been a party Outside of there. Yeah I don't know There's two people with the sign How many people do you need for it to be a protest, you know? Because at one point is, like, I'm curious about the guys who preach
Starting point is 00:54:26 the gospel out front of, like, you know, you go down to PPG arena and they're preaching the gospel with a sign, but it's one guy is like, is that a protest or is he just schizophrenic? That's a good point. Sometimes that's a guy just like soapbox kind of. Yeah, yeah. This says, here, let me see, it says protesters gathered outside comedy, mothership in Austin on New Year's Eve, 2025 to criticize Joe Rogan and the club's owner and podcaster. They labeled him as a diet Alex Jones comparing his views to one of the far right figure Alex Jones also based in Austin critics blame Rogan for dominating Austin's comedy scenes since opening the club in 2023 sideline local video venues like Cold Town Theater and capital city comedy club
Starting point is 00:55:07 yeah I don't know oh some of the demonstrators were inflatable costumes like unicorns dinosaurs and cows which is also Rogan's diet plus an Eric Cartman impersonator from South Park while holding up signs such as never again is now. Why is he talking about Yoda? I don't get the never again is now thing. I don't know, but I think you're right when you said that it's Trisha Bates' second slogan. It's a great idea.
Starting point is 00:55:33 I don't know, man. That's bizarre. Fellas, you already know what time it is. Look at your watch. Time to knock on wood. Blue Chew! Blue Chew just dropped something crazy. I'm talking next level championship belt
Starting point is 00:55:49 gold-plated energy. Blue Chewold, gold. The newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. Let's get that little lump lurking. This ain't your grandpapa's blue pill. This is the four-and-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. Yep, blue-chew gold. It dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:56:17 That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Extra minutes. Elevation without hesitation. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of Blue Chew Gold with code Theo. That's promo code Theo. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.
Starting point is 00:56:48 And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. namaste hard What uh What uh What oh I saw your You went to the Rams game You did you get that
Starting point is 00:57:01 I got big in football I'm I'm locked in I used to be a guy like three years ago That was like oh you like sports Get a real personality bud Get a hobby Do open nights But like I got invited to a Rams game
Starting point is 00:57:13 A couple years ago Maybe like two years ago And I just It clicked And I just started You know It started by me Just going to games
Starting point is 00:57:21 And then it started it by me like, you know, like watching the game on your phone. Oh, yeah. And you're like, a divorce court. And you're like just kind of watching it. But over time, you just kind of get locked in.
Starting point is 00:57:30 And it's just like, now I'm all about it. Like, I don't miss a game. I was just at the Rams game on Sunday against the Cardinals. And like, now to the point where it affects my day. I'm fully in.
Starting point is 00:57:40 I was like in denial. But like it's kind of like with like nicotine or something. We're like, I'm not going to get dick. Dude, not me. Not me. I'm built different.
Starting point is 00:57:46 And then it's, you know, you have one before breakfast. But yeah, I did the chant at the Rams game, like the Who's House chant? Was that scary? What was that vibes like? You know, it was a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:57:55 I think I was definitely more amped up. Let's see it. Pull it up. But I think just performance and standing is just, this is just another gig. Right, you're kind of used to that part. So the nerves aren't there. But I guess off the acoustics, all that would be kind of scary. Well, I will say, it's like EDM and sports.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Like, they just cheered anything. Like, I did a gig opening, opening lightly, I say, for Dylan Francis. You know, Dylan? Years ago at Hard Summer, I went up as like a fake DJ before his set, the headlining set. So when I went up there, there was like a character and was like, what the fuck is up, Coachella? And it was at a different music venue. And like, they just cheered.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Like, they were just happy. Like they don't even care. They hear somebody making noise in a mic. I could have went up and went, I la ac, but. And they're like, yeah. Yeah. So like that same kind of energy that I got from that crowd was the same I got at the Rams when I'm just like, you yell who's house. Like you're just going to get good feedback.
Starting point is 00:58:52 So, dude, and it's nice to, it is nice to be a fan of something. Like I became a fan of Vanderbilt. I've been a fan of LSU and, and I cheer for the balls. But it's like,
Starting point is 00:59:02 it's just nice to be a fan of something. It makes you, gives you something to be kind of invested in. Absolutely. Let's see this. Let's see this Who's House part. Is it in here? I can throw 40 yards.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Who's house? It's so awkward just seeing it. They got to cut to. look like the Seahawks logo. Yeah, try to sneak a quick joke in there. Oh, you do look like Seahawks logo from the side right there. And you had your own celebration, too.
Starting point is 00:59:30 I saw the, what was the... Did I? What was that celly that he had? Oh, this is, this is dumb. This is insane, dude. Sometimes I just pose something, and I'm like, man, fuck it. Because those are the ones that, like, that'll either...
Starting point is 00:59:43 That's hilarious, right. That'll either flop or do, like, whatever. But I saw this. That's an insane touchdown celebration. Yeah, it's. Dude, John Moran. Can we pull up his buckets? You know John Moran? Yeah. For the Grizzlies? Oh, yeah, we're in
Starting point is 00:59:55 Tennessee. His celebrations, I can't stop talking about how dude, they're the funniest things in the world. The grenade? I haven't even noticed a lot of them. Have you seen them? Dude, when he makes like a three, he does the grenade, throws it and then covers his ears. I mean, you have to get him on the pod. The grenade covers the ears. That is pretty clutch, bro.
Starting point is 01:00:19 doing one that's like a rocket launcher, but then he gets fine for every single one of these. He did a rocket launcher. So now his new one is he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this. He holsters it and goes like, no fines here. Dude, it's, I like, it's so funny to me. He doesn't give a fuck, huh? No. And he's getting fined like probably like 10 or 30K like for this.
Starting point is 01:00:41 But when you're making that much, I just don't know. He puts a gun away, holsters it. Put it down. There we go. And that's protecting gun violence. It's legendary, dude. It's just funny, man. I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there.
Starting point is 01:00:54 So he may need that weapon when he leaves a facility. It's kind of crazy. The one place that should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellies is there. Right, right, right. Yeah, it depends on the team. If you're on the Warriors, okay, that's enough. Yeah. You just tweet about it, you know, just hit up Zuck.
Starting point is 01:01:10 I'm like, this is going to bullying me online. But if you're in Memphis, yeah, you need at least like a bow and error or the RPG. Yeah, I think he deserved that. What is Memphis like? I'm going on there my tour. Memphis is awesome, dude. It has so much history. It's just gotten this kind of,
Starting point is 01:01:22 it's gotten like a lot of, it's got a lot of danger downtown at night and in just different areas. And it makes it kind of a bummer because you can't go enjoy, like the vibes that are there. Grace Land is really great if you get to go see Elvis's house. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:34 It's great. I've heard about that. It's great. It's worth going to see. And that's where, wait, hold on. I'm really dumb. Elvis lived in Memphis or Grace Land is on the outskirts of Memphis.
Starting point is 01:01:42 It's in Memphis, and Elvis live there. Elvis is Memphis? Oh, he was probably clapping BBWs. I mean, I don't know what it was like back then, man, but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything. I mean, Memphis used to be so great. Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in,
Starting point is 01:01:59 like every day at, like, I think 4 p.m., the duckmaster brings in the ducks. Is it a military thing? No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there. The famous Peabody Ducks at the Peabody Hotel. No, I've never heard of this. Yeah. The Peabody Ducks are the resident Mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel, known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11 a.m.
Starting point is 01:02:23 And back to their rooftop Duck Palace at 5 p.m. The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend, after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain, delighting guests. Hmm. Okay. What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck. Yeah. Oh, it could be just a couple of...
Starting point is 01:02:47 It could be a couple brothers named Doug. But these are the actual ducks. You have people come in. And the Duckmaster walks him in, and the Duckmaster live in the hotel up top. Is you really? Yeah. It's a beautiful place.
Starting point is 01:02:57 And they got a great place there where they sell like replica suits that Elvis used to wear. I got one last time that I was over there. Oh, wow. It was pretty cool. Yeah, I'm going to do a lot of places I've never been on my tour.
Starting point is 01:03:07 And Memphis is definitely one of them. Oh, it's going to be good. Yeah, there's great people there. It's great shows. It's just they got this, they got like, I don't know, it just gets a little bit tragic over there and kind of shooty.
Starting point is 01:03:16 that's the thing. It gets shooty at night. But there's a ducks. Like a chance of precipitation. Yeah. From a luger. People popping off. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:24 Yeah. Well, that's unfortunate. But yeah, that bust nuts. Selly, dude, that shit's nice, man. Yeah, that's crazy. When do you think the first person
Starting point is 01:03:31 that ever busted a nut actually was, do you think? Can you pull that up? Wasn't it Adam? Huh? Was it Adam? No, Adam Lambert? No.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Like, naive? Or are they even real? Yeah. Adam Neve. They had to have been. Somebody had to say it. I mean,
Starting point is 01:03:46 I don't think. we should go down that road right now. But we can, but it just finally take a long time. The earliest recorder references to ejaculation in human history appear in ancient Sumerian and Egyptian myths from around 2,500 to 24. It was the Somalis. These texts describe, these texts describe God creating rivers,
Starting point is 01:04:06 deities, and the world through acts of masturbation and seminal omission. I wonder how many people called out of work the next day once they found out about masturbation. Oh, this It's like in middle school When like a new video game would drop And you'd be like be home sick
Starting point is 01:04:21 The next day I'm like cod dropped Oh, if a good game drop Man, I miss it Dude, that shit was so nice You play any video games? Not right now I'm been playing them man
Starting point is 01:04:31 I wouldn't mind Oh, I do play I played Breath of the Wild And I played whatever The second one was I'm not sure I know that What was the second one It was on Switch?
Starting point is 01:04:40 Oh yeah, you're a Switch guy Yeah, I like Switch Cause I can kind of keep with me on the go Oh, tears of the kingdom The second one was not good It was just too involved It was like, bro, I don't have time
Starting point is 01:04:53 You had to heat everything It was like too many things Like the first thing you have to warm up your food It's like okay, I'll spend a little bit of time doing that But this one you had to like heat up your Like if you wanted your thing to fly you To warm up these days It just was way too
Starting point is 01:05:07 It was like dude what the fuck I have a job you know And shouldn't you want me to have a job Like how much time would you want? you want me to spend here. It felt like they wanted you to spend so much time there. It felt kind of unfair. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:20 I'll avoid it. So that's what I kind of felt like. It does it kind of chill, though, the flying. When does someone's nut actually bust? What is that about? You know what I'm saying? You hear about it, but what's like the exact, like what is the actual, like what's like the NASCAR, they wave the flag to go?
Starting point is 01:05:37 Yeah. When is that? When is that? When is the nut, when is the nut actually bust? If you can look that up. Is it fast- Without us being on a list also? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:47 But is it like, you know, like the speed of light? Like, do you think there's something called like the speed of nut? I mean, it's right there. It has to be something. Because it's really how creation started. I mean, they're saying right there that it's like in ancient text that that's how like the creation of rivers and lands and even people started. How many miles per hour is it?
Starting point is 01:06:07 I think that would be something. Let's learn. A nut bust is slang for ejaculation during masturbation or sex. It refers to the moment of. orgasm when semen is released. The phrase emerged in the 1930s with nuts, meaning testicles since the 1800s.
Starting point is 01:06:23 It evolved to describing climaxing explosively. People use it interchangeably, and this is via perplexity, thank you. People use it interchangeably with bust a nut, often in casual or explicit talk about male orgasms. It applies specifically to masturbation
Starting point is 01:06:41 in context like solo sessions. What do you, do you call it, bust the nut or you got something fun like release the hounds um i do that like that uh one two one two three release them yeah i do that i do that count down yeah that five six seven eight i do that i do that chocolate stud that lady that sings at the funerals you know no who's this you didn't see her maybe oh this is someone i love right here oh dude i got i got i show you this song you don't know this speaking of grandma uh uh uh play okay this is the oh i do know this oh i do know this
Starting point is 01:07:14 I bet the other dead bodies are like type shit. It's kind of good. There's a truck going by. That's a funeral, bro. That's how it is. That is like, that's a Hall of Fame stud suit right there. And they need to hang that up somewhere in a bowling alley. Some people thought this was Nate Robinson, dude.
Starting point is 01:07:50 There you go right there. Yo. The balloon is hard. And she gets tired everywhere now. Shout out to her. What's her name as well? Really? She gets hired everywhere.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Everywhere now. She's blown up. She's about to get the fucking triple bookings after this podcast drop. She's blown up. She sings.
Starting point is 01:08:04 What does she charge for this? The release them was hard. That was literally like the smoke at like a DJ set. Oh, yeah. That was sick, man. Nisi Robinson. Release him.
Starting point is 01:08:14 She really popped off. One, two, three, release them. I wish that heaven had a phone to call you up. Man, that's the truth, bro. And that's,
Starting point is 01:08:21 I think, her own song, isn't it? I heard a song last night. It's so good. It's about a great. grandma dying on Instagram Reels. What is it? Can you type in Miami something,
Starting point is 01:08:34 Bazooka? Bro, it's the funniest song. It's so good. It's an AI song? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, it's a real dude. But it's getting a lot of play right now. Let's hear it. This shit is hard. It might be my walkout song.
Starting point is 01:08:49 Ooh, pull up. I love this. Yeah. I got to get a new walkout. Or place on my funeral with the balloons. I hope it don't die for a long time, though. Type shit. Kind of a build-up. Tennessee type shit.
Starting point is 01:09:01 Bazuka Kablo K'blau K'em Wait for it But rest of peace My granny She got hit by a basooka
Starting point is 01:09:11 Every time I hit Honestly Honestly If my grandma Highlights I mean like that's kind of a sick way to go out Well there's only so many ways to go out Well there's only so many ways to go
Starting point is 01:09:46 bro. I've always said once I die I want my body to be shot out of a cannon into a school yard of kids that are playing. They don't know I'm coming. Really? Right? Shot over the fence or whatever, right? Oh, your body or are cremated? My body, no. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first kids that come up and touch my body gets everything
Starting point is 01:10:02 that I have. That's like a Mr. Beast games. Yeah. Or you should be like a field goal. Like for Vanderbilt. Like, your body gets shot through the T-shirt cannon for it. I think it would be cool if you got put into a special thing in a T-shirt canon and they shot you out or something. they should do shit like that.
Starting point is 01:10:17 It's like, I've been preaching this for a minute. Like, there's so many cool, like, Jenna reveals where they do, like, all this stuff,
Starting point is 01:10:23 but you've never seen, like, a viral cremation. Like, I'm sick and talk, like, I've been writing a bit about it, but, like,
Starting point is 01:10:27 I want my ashes to get blown out of the exhaust of, like a Ford F350. And I want to do half and half. Top part cremated, bottom half, open casket. Like,
Starting point is 01:10:35 I want to do half and half. Come to see that jump. Yes, sir. I love that. But, but, like, nobody's doing fun stuff with, like, oh, let's go to Mount Rushmore.
Starting point is 01:10:43 So she can be close to an old president. Yeah. And I've been there and it's not that great. They do have good ice cream. But yeah, it's not worth going all the way to drop your ashes. I agree. Do something great. Surprise people at a party.
Starting point is 01:10:55 There you go. Do this Civil War type shit. Shoot me out of a cannon. Here we go. Yeah. Where are you getting your ashes blown out? I don't know. It's a good question.
Starting point is 01:11:04 It's like... Honestly, like a strip coat would be far. Just like doing it with ashes. Let John Morant throw them out. He would do it, dude. He has all those famous like strip club scenes. Go back to the other thing though.
Starting point is 01:11:17 This is good. Ejaculation speed varies, but sources cite average speeds around 27 to 28 miles per hour. That's like two bird scooters. Or up to 45 kilometers per hour while sperm itself can move faster,
Starting point is 01:11:30 sometimes reaching 70 kilometers an hour. Though it slows significantly inside the female reproductive track, women will slow anything down. Spees are measured in burst during contractions. That's the damn, makeup all I always think about this like but average ejaculation around 27 to 28 miles per hour bro
Starting point is 01:11:48 I think I like if it was a baseball I feel like I could hit it how fast is that I feel like I could hit that yeah because 27 miles in a yeah you could hit it if somebody threw a bunch of sperm at you you could hit it because in the MLB if you're a 90 gay weirdo you could fucking but I'm thinking if it was a fast ball oh I just say ball and just catch it that's the gay I was just thinking Well This shit is already really gay Like I low-key want to like drive a car
Starting point is 01:12:17 27 miles an hour down the street right now Just so I can comprehend how fast it is Well I will say this if you got on the very hood Say somebody drove it 27 miles an hour you get on a hood And you get your wiener just above the front of the hood And you bust For a...
Starting point is 01:12:30 Like a Buick? Or say you go about 25 miles an hour Yeah if you bust It should kind of stay in front of you guys Just a little bit Now that would be pretty awesome to see. That's something you guys just start doing, man. You could use that to raise money for the military.
Starting point is 01:12:44 They just start doing that for like dude perfect. Yeah, yeah, dude. Because dude, you're already perfect. You're fucking shooting these bitches off of the mall. You're shooting them off from like a burning shopping mall. Yeah. Into like a children's daycare. And then you speed up and it gets all over you.
Starting point is 01:13:00 No, but dude, you're already perfect. Those guys are already perfect. Somebody tell them they're doing hook shots from like the, from like. Did it hook shakers from Ukraine? Yeah, from Ukraine. and landing them like in Russia like you're doing great dude like yeah
Starting point is 01:13:13 it should just be called dudes done it they've done it yeah you've done it so start doing other cool shit what is this ma'am flips over Corvette driving at 30 miles per hour okay let's watch it I got people on the bus and Matt wow it sound like it hit his legs it's something hit
Starting point is 01:13:32 if that's even real he did a fliper yeah that regardless is pretty cool Is there an exact moment that the nut actually busts? And does it take longer to come out with a bigger hog? Because it's got more travel space. Or does that propel it like a slide?
Starting point is 01:13:51 Like a long... Shouldn't you already know that? I don't study hogs. That's true. But like if... I'll tell you it doesn't. No? It's the same speed?
Starting point is 01:14:03 I think so. I've never seen a small hog do it. But wouldn't have to travel more? Penis size doesn't directly dictate ejaculation time. Some studies link larger. glands volume of faster ejaculation while others, nothing to see here, Trevor. Damn.
Starting point is 01:14:17 While others findings like those are Yeah, I don't think it matters that much, man. I'm gonna tell that to a woman. But you, hey, you wanna see something travel at 27 to 28 miles an hour in a minute? That's not a bad line. It's not that at all. What do you think we get at the 30?
Starting point is 01:14:32 Hey, come over, you want to see this. You know, speed gun. You ever meet someone? Yeah, you want to use this cop gun on this? Cock gun. You ever meet somebody and wonder, like, how are you the sperm that made it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:44 You know what I mean? Oh, you realize there was a slim group of racers. Oh, yeah. They were racing on an off day. Yeah. Or there must have been like some bad weather that day. But like sometimes I'm like, how are you that the sperm cell that beat everyone else? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:57 There's some people that shouldn't be people. Yeah. There's some people that shouldn't be people for sure. Whose top three people you would like to take out or that don't need to be people? Oh. And they can be a type of person. Or not like a race, but like a like a, like something. Somebody who works at like a...
Starting point is 01:15:12 Let me think. Like a barista or something. Probably... This gay dude that gave my friend a high on like maneuver when we were high on LSD at a Walfa House where kids. He did too much.
Starting point is 01:15:31 He wasn't even choking. We don't know if he was. Clocking him from the back. I mean, he did a lot. It was a lot. Really? Tell me about that. He was choking. Yeah, we were on LSD.
Starting point is 01:15:40 We went there. and we saw a black gay guy we'd never seen it before so we didn't even know what to do right we were like this isn't uh coventon yeah and we're like no way or whatever you know we're freaking out and we're already freaking out we're like you know we're probably lsd lsd wafel house just sitting there rattling how'd you know he was uh a little he seemed yeah he was wearing like flare and shit they didn't even have flare really like he was wearing like a lot of like a like exciting flare like light up shoes yeah just shit that was like yeah like his whole fucking like his dick was probably glow in the dark or whatever, you know.
Starting point is 01:16:14 So you could just feel like it felt like something warm was coming out of his pants. Like if you got close to you, it felt like it's warm in the front of his pants. Yeah, okay, I hear you. But anyway, yeah, my friend started choking, I think. And also we were laughing so hard because we're just so high. And he started hemlicking him and he just kept doing it. It was crazy, dude. And I was laughing so hard.
Starting point is 01:16:32 I was like tears were flying out of my. I couldn't even, I couldn't even try to save my friend. I was like laughing. And then I just pulled up. And my friend was kind of smiling. mall and he just kept doing it to him. But anyway. But you'd take him out.
Starting point is 01:16:45 I think we should have a talk. Okay. I think things, you know, that was kind of a lot. I saw that you just went to Africa, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was pretty fun. Were you touring over there? No.
Starting point is 01:16:57 No. You go with your girl? No, it was with my family. I was literally just, it was one of the things that were like a year ago, my mom texts a family group chat, which is a pretty boring chat. Someone's got to spice it up. My mom just texting goes, hey, would you guys want to go to Africa? as a family.
Starting point is 01:17:11 Like, I was like, yeah, I'm down. And then it comes like nine months later, like, hey, you got to get these shots. Like, you're going. Like, this is a thing. And I'm like, oh, fuck, this is actually happening. And yeah, I got like five shots. And then went with family just a bunch of safari stuff. And it was pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:17:29 I mean, like, glad you did? Yeah, definitely. I think it was fun just being, because I haven't done like a family trip in like over a decade. So it was fun to just be with my parents and my sister for the first time. like actually doing something in a while. Yeah. But it's so funny that it's like my brain is so brain around.
Starting point is 01:17:45 There's like literally a lion eating a zebra in front of me. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like you can see this on reels. Right. Like it was definitely cool. It was very surreal seeing because the safaris are all at, I don't even know. Were you guys in Kenya? Where'd you go?
Starting point is 01:18:00 Yeah, Kenya. Savo Amaseli, which one? Do you guys want to go to one of those? I'm not sure which one, but we were in kind of like all around the like outskirts of Nairobi. And it's like each one would be like three hours. So all these are like kind of in like sanctuaries where the hotel is and then you travel around the hotel. But traveling from kind of hotel to the hotel, that's really where you see like the real, real side of Africa.
Starting point is 01:18:21 And that was like very, I want to say like probably the best sense of community I've ever seen. Like everybody's just outside doing something. Oh, I went on a hot air balloon. That was the same. Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No, I don't know if I have. It's, oh, you'd know. It's, it was honestly the coolest thing I've ever done.
Starting point is 01:18:36 It was like, what's crazy is when the fire is going to propel you, it's loud as hell, but when it's not, it's dead silent. And this is at like 7 a.m. So you're just sitting there in the sky and silence. But yeah, seeing the communities were, was so interesting because... Dude, that's sick. Everybody's outside. Everybody's, like, nobody's really, like, hanging on their phones, which...
Starting point is 01:18:59 Well, some people might not have phones, and they don't have air conditioning, too. Yeah. But, like, just... But it's also part of the culture just being alive and, like, seeing what's going on. But everybody was either, like, no matter where you were going, there was just people just, like, walking. There's always some that... I don't know, man. It's just...
Starting point is 01:19:14 It was really a cool perspective to see. Like, like, I'm seeing elephants like this close in front of me, and I'm like acting like this is normal. Yeah. Dude, that's beautiful, man. It was actually really beautiful. And I had a great time.
Starting point is 01:19:25 I'm trying to think about funny stuff that happened out there, if any. That's amazing. And do they have a lot of the, like, wiggas over there or anything like that? Or is it not that? Just me, but not that I... No, I mean...
Starting point is 01:19:38 Because that's where they would really be at. Because otherwise, that's kind of an American thing. thing then I guess. I don't know if I saw like any like because that's where the local white people but I'm just saying they gotta have some
Starting point is 01:19:50 and if they do are some of them you know. Well I think they go there in disguise taking notes and then bring it back over here? Yeah. They're like a secret spy for back home. What about MGK you think he's one or no? I think
Starting point is 01:20:04 graduated. Yeah, once you put like a paper clip in as an earring I think you've graduated. I think he's emmerman is one. Is he? I don't know. I'm not super familiar with his music, but I know he's very popular. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:18 Who else out there is? I don't know. But I'm just saying if they don't have a mayor, then it's an American thing or it's a British thing. What are we talking about? Whiggas. What are you talking about? I don't know. I was trying to think about other artists who might get allegations.
Starting point is 01:20:32 Oh, no, I'm just saying, I mean, Elton John was kind of one, even though he never. Was he really? I think he was kind of just from his style, for sure. Elton John was a wig. things. I think he's more on like the Wiggles side of thing. Well, I mean,
Starting point is 01:20:44 I think it's very close. Yeah. If you wiggle enough, a brother will show up, you know? So I think like, you wiggle enough somebody's gonna cornrow your hair
Starting point is 01:20:53 and light a fucking blunt for you. Who's the OG? Would you say? Oh, the OGs? I mean, there's... Would it be Elvis? Ooh, it's a good call. Michael Rappaport was kind of one,
Starting point is 01:21:05 I think, in his day. For sure. Who's that guy, Gianni? Johnny. He's the front runner. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, for sure. We go to the USC fights all the time.
Starting point is 01:21:15 He is high. Every time I see a photo of him, his chains get bigger and bigger. Either he's stolen her and stolen her. That's the crazy. Oh, yeah. He gets them stolen? Yeah, this shit has been fucking. Dude, I like, we're boys on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:21:27 I've never met him in real life. But every time I see him, he's flexing more and more money. I'm like, how many episodes of power were you on? The best, bro. He's going to need some power to fuck it. He's going to need some power to keep people off his chains. They get snatched like that? I think it happens a lot within the culture.
Starting point is 01:21:42 It's part of the culture. It's kind of like... Well, he almost seems like a sting operation. It's like capture the flag kind of. Some people say he's a Fed. Some people say snitched on Diddy? Did he? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:21:53 But I've just heard a lot of that shit. Some people say he's a Fed. I mean, look at him. But he's got to be like the Heisman for that community. I think if you had... Every year, they should Heisman up a wig out, I think. Yeah. And I think...
Starting point is 01:22:03 Who do they got for 2025? I think this guy is a candidate. Him. I think you put MGK in there, though. I don't think, MGK is kind of his own thing, though. I would say... He's just multifaceted.
Starting point is 01:22:14 I think he's, you know... I think Rife's up, though, a little bit. Fresh off, wild and out a little bit. Oh, Matt Rife, definitely. He definitely... With the abs, you can't have great abs and not be wigging. Now he's more kind of like...
Starting point is 01:22:26 I think Rife has wiga in him. Yeah. Or H-dub hidden wiga, they call it. I'm trying to think of who else. Oh, maybe that... Oh, Dan Bongino. Oh, yeah. Tim Walls.
Starting point is 01:22:40 Tim Dillon, maybe. Tony the Tiger probably. That guy that was in, uh, salt. Salt burn? Salt burn, but not the main guy. Barry Keoghogan? Barry Keogan. Is he?
Starting point is 01:22:54 I could see it. He's Irish. Almost all Irish people are. All right. Yeah, I feel like there's some obvious ones that I'm missing. Oh, I thought that was a picture of damn, uh, I think Shalema is a little bit. He could, low-key, have some in him. I thought this was a picture of,
Starting point is 01:23:09 of, who are those lion tamers in Vegas? Penanteller? No. Fuck. I thought that was Sigrid and Roy. Oh, I thought that was like Sigmund Freud. Oh, I didn't know, dude.
Starting point is 01:23:21 But no, it's, I'm just glad to know what's happening out there. Dude, did you see in, when speed, I show speed, race that Cheetah? Mm-mm. Dude. Did he beat it?
Starting point is 01:23:31 Pulled it up. How fast are Cheetah's running? Because the real speed is, what can go faster? A cheetah or nut? We'll find out right now. Let's see that. We're about to race some cheetah.
Starting point is 01:23:41 Come on, baby. What the fuck? You see that? It scratched him. What the fuck? Wait, I'm lost. Dang. Wait, so how fast was, he said 110 miles an hour.
Starting point is 01:24:09 That's just not real. It said the cheetah hit up to 92 miles an hour at some point. I don't know if that was, I mean, these are all edits. But still, the fact that he raced a cheetah is wild. What's an animal you could race and beat, you think? Rooster. But if they're not flying. They're only running.
Starting point is 01:24:25 They can't fly. But they can like kind of jump start a little bit. They go nine miles an hour. Yeah, I could beat it. I don't know nine miles. Do you can you run nine miles in an hour? Throughout the day, yeah. Well, that's not throughout the day, bro.
Starting point is 01:24:37 It's in one hours. You only get one hour. He only give one part of a day. Nine miles in an hour. And they can briefly reach up to 15 miles an hour when they're flapping their wings. Me too. I could beat a, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's crazy. I could beat a rooster off like a 40-yard dash if he's not using.
Starting point is 01:24:53 using his wings. What about you? I don't know. I'm trying to think of an animal that I could read like, I think anything at Petco, that's not true.
Starting point is 01:25:01 Anything that's cage at a Petco. A pony I could beat. Pony? Oh, I don't know. The small ponies are quick. No, ponies are fast. That's a good question.
Starting point is 01:25:11 What's a good animal I could be? Probably something that's been using. Yeah, what, what animals can we see what animals run beneath 10 miles per hour? Yeah. Because I think I can run 10 miles an hour for,
Starting point is 01:25:24 a minute 30. So I don't know what that math is, but I could do that. Many animals run below two miles on sloths, giant tortoises, koalas, banana slugs, snails. These all suck. First of all, what the hell is under the manatees? What the hell's a woodcock? Yeah, I'll fight a woodcock. What is that? I don't know. That's a good question. That's who should be starting the OF in the military.
Starting point is 01:25:48 American Woodcock. Oh, yeah. I'll race that. I'll race that thing. Look at the fucking beer belly on that thing. Oh, yeah. He needs to lay up the lot. I'll race the balls off of that little midget. I'll raise the balls off. That little air twink. Look at that thing. I'll fucking,
Starting point is 01:26:05 bro, I'll serve some seed right out of my fucking weaner to that thing. Dude, would you let that thing fucking reach into your weaner to get a piece of seed? Look at that. Look at that spout on him. I feel like that would hurt. But if I was under anesthesia, I guess. What? Like, if they were already like, like, like, if they were already like, like, like, if I had to
Starting point is 01:26:25 to Kornoscopy and they're already like doing that. You're like, I'd let him fucking just sniff in there for a second and see what's going on, bro. It's like the canary in the coal mine. Yes, sir. Well, I think he should be doing more kind of the gyno stuff. Like, the contraptions they have to use
Starting point is 01:26:41 to check out the insides of a woman. I mean, they seem so industrial. They seem like they found it in a warehouse and like a GMC in like 1960s. It's like a clamp. It also feels like disrespectful to the woman. We're like, yeah, we just got to go and open up in there. this is a trans am
Starting point is 01:26:56 yeah like they use one of those things that they used to use to like lift your car up yeah but like that's to keep a fire going you know like sometimes they'll use like an accordion
Starting point is 01:27:07 you know like I know it's tough it's definitely ridiculous oh we don't need to look at all that that's crazy well it's also yeah that bird is kind of what it's replicating
Starting point is 01:27:16 I feel like that bird does the ginos of the nest that bird's a party bird um did you see the uh you saw six nine going to the same prison as Maduro. Did you see that?
Starting point is 01:27:27 He's in there with Luigi, Diddy, Maduro. I don't know if that's true, but I saw it on a meme. That's crazy. But I guess it makes sense they keep mall in the same prison. Let me see what the 6-9 of Maduro in the same deal. Arrested President Maduro and his wife. That's crazy, right? All right, so it's mad thing. So I got the call.
Starting point is 01:27:48 I love for he's doing PR for jail. He's like doing a podcast run to promote jail. Somebody texts me saying that they think that when they sent me to when they sent me to prison on Tuesday me and Maduro is going to be in the same unit But do you think he's going to prison for
Starting point is 01:28:06 PR? Like why is he even... What is he going on? What charges is he there for? That's a great question. What charges he there for? I wonder if he'd be a good guest whenever he gets out, you think? Yeah. Have you ever met him? Mm-mm. I never met him. Rapper Takashi 6-9 has faced various charges primarily stemming from his association with the nine tray bloods. What's he going to jail for right now?
Starting point is 01:28:30 And jail sentences in early 2026. Received another three-month sentence for new violations, including having cocaine and ecstasy in his Miami home and punching a man who taunted him. Well, sometimes you got to do that. But damn, yeah, I think it could be interesting just to see what his life is like and stuff. They should give him, like, a Twitch stream from jail.
Starting point is 01:28:51 Yeah. If he's on a run here. That'd be wild. Well, I just feel like everything is going to start merging. They're going to have to start funding. Like, if the government can't keep things going to, everything is going to have to be funded kind of privately or by people or by like, you know, so I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see, like, Twitter streams from jail.
Starting point is 01:29:08 I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see, like, the Army or the military start to, like, have stream or have content, right? I just think that that stuff's going to kind of grow a lot, you know? Like, I'll be on TikTok live just, and it'll just pop up. And there's, like, always, and if you're, chronically online, you've seen this, on TikTok, they'll just show, like, a bar. Like, it's just, like, behind the bartender, and he's just working, and there's just a bar. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:32 For what? And they're, like, monetizing that. They're just showing security camera of places. Yeah. And just getting money from it. Oh, dude, I used to watch, like, uh, these, like, in, like, different funerals from different countries. Like, you could watch, like, Indian funerals and stuff.
Starting point is 01:29:46 And they'd have streams of it and, like, on YouTube or, like, just long clips of it. Yeah. You can just watch, like, it's, it's, it's neat to have kind of, like, a, um, just like a thing you can just watch it just blows my mind like the effect of live like if somebody was like hey here's a 20 minute video I don't want to watch that but they're like here's a stream you'll end up watching 20 minutes
Starting point is 01:30:03 like in the blink for an eye well let's go a little bit more to that prison who else was in there who else has been in there? Is there Hasbula in there? Hall of fame Was he in or out of jail? He's got those Rico charges Hasbula? Yeah doesn't he? He's a twin sister you know that? No I didn't know this Hasbula has a twin sister
Starting point is 01:30:22 Yes Hasbula Magamadov was arrested in his native Dagestan in May 2020 for traffic violations. Of course, any... He couldn't reach the pedals. Yeah, what are we even talking about? Including blocking a road and doing donuts with friends while celebrating a wedding. Bro, put him in a waymo and call the day. First of all, you have to know that if he gets into a car,
Starting point is 01:30:46 just shut the road down for a couple minutes. Lessons of Fisher Price, what car was he whipping in? He was released under house arrest after being granted bail. and had to wear an ankle monitor around his neck. No way. They just turned him into a Rottweiler. Do you think being on house arrest? I made that part up.
Starting point is 01:31:05 He later apologized for the incident stating he wasn't driving and promised it wouldn't happen again. I love that in their country there's such a code of honor, you can just at least promise that it won't happen again. That's awesome. I mean, do you think being on a house rest as a smaller person is like nice? I bet it's kind of nice, especially for a busy guy like him
Starting point is 01:31:24 because he just gets a little bit of time to himself. Al Sharpton's locked up. Notable inmates that have been held at MDC, Brooklyn. Oh, oh, oh, it has been. Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn has gained significant notoriety for housing in an unusually high concentration of high-profile federal defendants, including Maduro, Luigi Mangione, Diddy, R. Kelly, Sam Bankman-Fried, Chap El Chapo, Michael Cohen, Gielaine, Maxwell, Martin Schrelli,
Starting point is 01:31:54 and Al Sharpton. Wow. If you care, it's San Bankman Freed. Sam Bankman Freed. I just thought it was funny that he named him like his two last names
Starting point is 01:32:02 with the two things that he was. He was like this bank man and then he was also fried all the time. It's right there. So to me it was like the most perfect. He's in jail for... What did he do again? He might be out now.
Starting point is 01:32:14 Sam Brinkman... I mean, so I am there. He was convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison while orchestrating massive fraud at his crypto exchange, FTC, found guilty of seven counts including wire fraud,
Starting point is 01:32:23 conspiracy to commit fraud. Yep, he's in there. So he'll be in there for a while. I feel like the NFT people are kind of, like NFTs got so swept under the rug, but there was so many people who pulled massive money from that and just kind of, they made like NFC like clubs and MTV like. And then that all just disappeared.
Starting point is 01:32:39 Yeah, and nobody talks about it. Did you see the new, this is the new way that they're thinking that incarceration could happen? This is with AI and technology. This is fascinating. See if you can find that story of the pods. What is this? Yes.
Starting point is 01:32:52 The future of incarceration. This is no longer about us, honestly. I think it's too late, but it's about our generations to come. Your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren. There is a company called Cognify. If you Google it and watch their video, and it's the future of incarceration, it's what it's titled. With this Cognify system, let's say you do a crime, or maybe you act out against the government, or you have a belief system that is not consistent with the country that you live in, and you are prosecuted for a crime by their definition. You will then get an opportunity that you, let's just use this for hypothetical, a measly petty theft. You can spend 50 years in prison or you can go through the Cognify process, which in three minutes, they will imprint memory sets. So let's say there was someone who was even harmed by the crime that you did.
Starting point is 01:33:37 You will be able to feel the emotions of your victim, the emotions that the family members went through, all of that. You will be forced to have the empathy. And you will feel like you've been imprisoned for 25 years or whatever it may be, but it's only three minutes. Fuck that. They need that shit for when my girlfriend comes up to me after she had our period
Starting point is 01:33:56 the next day and goes, I'm so sorry about last night. I'm on my period. Okay, well, you need to feel what I was feeling last night for getting yelled at.
Starting point is 01:34:02 Get into the Cognify machine. But dude, eventually if they have an at home when that'd be crazy. But this is saying, this is like reverse ice bathing. Like, sit in this and feel awful about yourself.
Starting point is 01:34:11 But this is saying that if you did a crime and if you could have, I'm guessing it's probably something you'd have to afford. If you could afford to Cognify, then you'd be able to go
Starting point is 01:34:19 and serve your sentence incognify, you would have all the things that would really feel like in your brain had happened. And in five minutes, you could do 20 years, dude. Because, like, one, you could pay off the guy who hits the buttons. And then there's like, all right, here we go. And you're like, oh, ooh, ow. It's hurting. Well, I mean, I think here it says, Cognifies a futuristic prison concept proposed by scientist
Starting point is 01:34:41 Hasham al-Ga-Gai. He's the newest member of FaceClant, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that uses AI and brain implants to replace long sentences with brief intense rehabilitation. So it's almost like an EMDR, but extremely deep into your brain. AI generated memories, artificial vivid memories are created by AI to simulate the impact of a crime on victims. Dude, this should be crazy.
Starting point is 01:35:06 Inmates experience years of remorse and understanding in a short time allowing for quicker release and reintegration. I mean, it kind of makes sense because that's what you're supposed to be there for. I just wonder how long would that stay, you know? And what if you just go into prison for like a little while and it's just a bunch of, you don't learn anything It's just a bunch of dudes that's run a train on you or whatever. That would be my scary thing.
Starting point is 01:35:27 Like you're, you use up for three minutes and now you're just limping. Yeah, dude. What if you get out? You're like, and then your wife lies. She's like, yeah, I left while you were going. You were going so long. You're like, I was gone for two songs on Spotify. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 01:35:39 Well, that's the interesting part. What the fuck? And your son's like, yeah, we have a new step day. You're like, what? Bro, that would be the scary thing is what if they just bring you back and like, oh yeah man you just got a couple of uh ms 13 guys got a hold of you and now you're like el gay or whatever you know and that would be the scariest part to me bro the crazy part is like if they're doing this in three minutes it's like you leave your house at 10 a.m. I'm like oh I committed this crime
Starting point is 01:36:03 I'm so sorry you come back you're back at noon and all of a sudden you have all the remorse for you know burning down in arby's and now you're like I didn't I didn't think the fry cook was it's still in there and I like now you just have this feeling and regret the rest of your life, but you still have the rest of your life to live, like. Yeah. But I think the shortcut. It'll be a shortcut. And I think it'll be for people that can afford it because here's what you'll be able to do. People will, the Arby's family, they'll have some sort of like other part of it that's like an attorney part of it where it's like, okay, you can make due right now,
Starting point is 01:36:34 you can pay restitution, you burn down the Arby's, you killed two, you know, a fry cook and someone in the drive-thru, refused to leave without their order, even though the place was burning down and one other counterperson. So you can settle out of court with them all right now for $300,000 and then it's just going to be like this fast track thing. It's like, yeah, you're off the hook and you feel the remorse and you keep living. So
Starting point is 01:36:58 if you shoot someone, you only, would you feel that person's pain? I think they just want you to feel the pain of their family members and stuff like that. They would have ways that they could embed that into you. Yeah, that would fuck you up. I mean, both those are fucked up for life. But what do you do? Like tax fraud? Who's pain is that? You killed some people at an Arby's.
Starting point is 01:37:16 You should have just... Right, right, right. Right. It should fuck you up. Yeah, you shouldn't be off Scott free. So how would that work with like tax fraud? Like who? The government's, no. That's a good point. Maybe they wouldn't allow it for certain crimes. Or if they would able to get the money back from me? I'm not sure. That's a good question.
Starting point is 01:37:36 How fast would they do that? I feel like, I don't know, that's crazy. Yeah. But they probably are finding ways to speed up prison sentences but still have the same effects. Well, it seems kind of archaic the way that we do it. kind of it's like this guy's in there for 50 years nothing ever had it's like yeah goes through all these boards and it's never you know so long and it's just like such a drain on the system it's just i'd love to find out more about that like because i know a lot of it is just like some kind of money laundering thing you know yeah have you ever been to a prison i don't think i
Starting point is 01:38:09 have i've been in a jail what's the difference i never been to a prison a jail is just like a little gay ass prison nobody's even getting gayed out or whatever in it it's just people waiting for lunch and shit people waiting for dick jails are local short-term facility for those awaiting trial or serving sentences. You can't even find a gang in a jail, you know? You can find, like, one dude that'll, like, like... Like a pen pal to another gang. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:32 You can find one dude who might fucking slip half a Hershey's under your door at night or whatever. But there's no long-term institution there. Those are more for prisons. Yeah, because they do, like, somebody, like, when you go to different cities, when you want to see, like, where Elvis live or something. Like, I think they should tour jails for income. Like, I'm just curious what's going on in there.
Starting point is 01:38:50 Like, I want to do an episode of Scared Straight, but like, but I just want to see what's going on. Like, I'm just curious. Like, if there was a jail live stream on Twitch, I would watch every day.
Starting point is 01:39:00 It's just like it's, you never hear about anything there. So to watch it, it almost feels illegal. Well, there's a lot of shows about it now that people, I mean, people are into those types of,
Starting point is 01:39:08 into that type of view and I think for sure, dude. I don't know if I'd be good in jail, dude. I wouldn't. No? I'd fucking hate it. Unless my cellmate, like,
Starting point is 01:39:16 we could start a little band or something, I don't think I would be that good in there. If I had something to look forward to to as like a group or whatever, Yeah. What would you do if you got approached by gang members? I'd have to join. Yeah. You could say, let me think about it for a day or two, but they're only going to probably give you two days.
Starting point is 01:39:33 Yeah, I would treat it like I was a record label and I was a rapper out there. I'm just seeing what other offers I get. I think I would blind myself or something. So nobody's going to hurt a blind guy, I think. I do I feel like, unfortunately, that's the number one target. Because you can't snitch. So, like, what did he feel like knuckles? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:51 Oh. I don't know. I don't know. That'd be scary to me. Because... I don't know, man. I guess, yeah, you'd have to join a gang. I would probably go Mexican gang.
Starting point is 01:40:04 I feel like it might be... The food might be better. I don't know. I don't know if black gangs are making food in there. I don't know. What's the worst gang to join in there? Prison gangs in the United States. Aryan Brotherhood,
Starting point is 01:40:16 black guerrilla mafia, Mexican mafia, La Nuestra, familia, Texas Syndicate. That sounds kind of like new and novel. All these sound like a really good NFL league. And then net us. For the XFL. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:28 All versus. If they bring the XFL back, start with these teams. The Tennessee type shit, dude, put them in there. Tennessee fightens. Dude, they should have more. They got to start putting these people into teams, doing something. There's got to be a better way. It's all going to happen, man.
Starting point is 01:40:44 Everything's merging. Everything's getting weird. Yes, it's all becoming Long John Silver's and Baskin Robbins, dude. There's no, it's all becoming the Army fans. It's all starting to merge. We're going to start to see this kind of stuff a lot, you know. But I think they should take all the inmates and, like, give them some athletic thing to look forward to and then they can stream it. It's like, I would absolutely watch the Texas Seneca versus the Puerto Ricans.
Starting point is 01:41:06 Oh, yeah. If you had a basketball game tonight. That's what I'm saying. Like, there was a lot of newest for familiar versus Aryan Brotherhood at 9 p.m. First one to 11. No three pointers. Dude, I would fucking watch that in heartbeat. I feel like the A.B. is only hitting threes.
Starting point is 01:41:19 They're not doing the work and the paint. It beats the big three fucking. league in a heartbeat. But are you should put one of these leagues into the big three league? They got to start to just diversify. But I'm saying like if these guys even just play like that might bring something unity. It's like UFC.
Starting point is 01:41:31 They talk shit before the fight. Then after the game, they're like dab up. They're like, I'm nothing more respect to this guy. I love this guy. Maybe there could be some of that where like if they're playing each other, they're shit talking. Sure. But afterwards like, hey, type shit type shit.
Starting point is 01:41:42 Type shit. And then they can stream it and you could watch it on like Rumble or wherever the Paramount Plus or something. But like I feel like. Oh yeah. Nick Fuentes would host it probably. I mean, I think he would probably Do they do it?
Starting point is 01:41:54 Especially if it's on Rumble, he's like their lead guy over there. Yeah, I, I, like, there's got to be a way, because they would also probably feel like, imagine being in jail, but like every day you're training for a game on Saturday. Like, yeah. You have something to look forward to. I agree. That's a kind of stuff you need in there. Even though you're a murderer, you still like, yeah. But they got to.
Starting point is 01:42:10 Murder them threes, bitch. Yeah. From downtown because shots went in downtown. He's a killer. Yeah. Shots fired. That's one of his name. Dude, they'd have cool-ass names too.
Starting point is 01:42:20 Stabby for three. Yeah. Like Bobby Lee always makes that town Before we get out of here You have a special coming out? I'm shooting one in March. I'm shooting a special March 17th in Arizona In Phoenix.
Starting point is 01:42:35 Yeah, in Phoenix. Nice. Super excited. It's gonna be sick. Phoenix is just a great comedy town. I'm really excited. I might go shoot my special there maybe. It's not a bad idea.
Starting point is 01:42:42 It's a great city. It's a great city. It's, I mean, you're out here now, but like it's so close to L.A. And I've just never, some states, like, I'll say Ohio is a hit or miss state for me. Sometimes, like, this is the best show of my life, I'm a special,
Starting point is 01:42:56 or you're like, cool, give me to the top of Lakeitha with cement shoes. So you're like always in between. I am on tour right now. I'm doing the rhyme in tomorrow. If you want to do a spot, I would love to have you on that. I'd be sick as fuck. Yeah, man, maybe I'll pop out. I haven't been on stage in a while.
Starting point is 01:43:10 Really? Yeah. Dude, I mean, the crowd would just literally nut 20 miles per hour to see you do five minutes. But Phoenix, Phoenix, I'll come out. Yeah, and then I'm doing the will turn, which, I opened for you at the Willtern a couple years ago. That's a great, great spot. Yeah, I'm doing a bunch.
Starting point is 01:43:28 You got Ventura, Cleveland. You got a lot of good spots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All California. I'm doing Reno. I'm doing a lot of places I've never done before. Like Oakland, Reno, Memphis, Fresno, Bakersfield, San Luis, Abispo, Sacramento. You guys got to go see them, man.
Starting point is 01:43:40 It's a great. It's just entertaining. It's great energy. The whole set. Yeah, dude. You're so great up there, bro. Make sure to send me this, too, so I can share it on socials, too, whenever after today or after this.
Starting point is 01:43:51 episode goes up. Oh yeah yeah yeah please in your tour is called Trevor Wallace presents alpha beta male alpha beta male yeah just because I feel like my brain is split in between like being this like alpha male versus like this beta male it's like I find just more kind of unity between both of them and I feel like every decision I make has like an alpha side versus beta side and me it's not like one of those like red pill blue pill type no shows but it is just like a funny thing to be like people are you this or that I'm like I feel like I'm kind of in between yeah a lot of fun yeah dude I I think it also happens as you grow up a little bit, too.
Starting point is 01:44:24 It's like you kind of get two sides of it, you know? It's like, you know, there's days you're like, you know, yeah, it's always, it used to be like, I'll bust a nut wherever, you know what I'm saying? I'll bust a nut at this fucking party or whatever. I'm like, the fuck, you know? Yeah. You know? Dude, I remember, I went to a one-year-old's birthday party.
Starting point is 01:44:41 This is at a time when, like, you know, when I was dealing with sober and then relapse. And I went to a one-year-old's birthday party and ended up buying cocaine there somehow. one year old? From an adult. They're like, blow out the candles and you hear the word blow and you're like, where? Yeah, I don't know. I just go to show you. Anything can happen out there, man.
Starting point is 01:45:00 Yeah, I just feel like my brain has like, it's more so like all there's, there's a second guessing element to almost everything that I do where it's like the example I say on stage is like, I've had this thought before. Like I wanted to like spit in a girl's mouth, but then another thought was like, but what if I miss? Yeah. But like that's not how dirty talk works. That's not like how being hot in the bed works.
Starting point is 01:45:19 It's like, you just do it. Yes, you have to be that, yeah, you have to be present. But, you know, it's like, or I'm, like, scared to, like, slap a girl's ass in the bed because I'm like, sometimes you don't get the pop. Oh, I hate that. You get the dud? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:31 Sounds like you're just trying to get the dog on the couch. Like, and for me, I'm trying to, like, so I overthink everything. It's so embarrassing, too, when you get the dud. It's, they hear it. They hear it, too. Yeah. Then a good person you're dating won't address it.
Starting point is 01:45:43 A bitch will be like, yeah. The fuck. Are you to see, that's when you have to yell out. That was loud. Or that's when you yell out Be like, you probably need some lotion It's a little dry back here
Starting point is 01:45:56 Yeah, damn Or you do what like dads do When they're like moving into a house And they just start checking like How's this the structure? Yeah, the getting a dud is But like, but literally that's all my thought process is Like there's a part of my brain
Starting point is 01:46:09 That's like slap ass But then the other parts It's like what if you get a dud? Yeah, what if you miss a little? You get a little fire. You hit that bone? That's a crazy. That's a salt.
Starting point is 01:46:18 Yeah. It's literally a salt. Yeah, dude. And then now that you're like, how am I going to bust at 27 miles an hour now? And then it comes out like 12 miles an hour. It's, dude, I'm like, I'm probably the most, one of the most in my head guys I can be. And I just like, once I start thinking about that, like, and this is more graphic, but we're like pretty deep into the podcast.
Starting point is 01:46:38 If I start thinking, oh, no, I'm not going to be able to bust, then I can't. Oh. It's all mental for me. Like, like, if a girl even says, like, are you going to be able to? Then it's out the window. Because now it's all I'm thinking about. Or if I get too hot, I got to run to the, fucking sink like a little gopher.
Starting point is 01:46:53 Oh, if the AC comes on or whatever. Oh, yeah. Well, the AC's a little G-A-Y blown on your back. Well, the fan on it, people who could come with the fan on, I thought those are Navy seals, dude. Anybody who can have... Probably Air Force. Yeah, I said this on stage.
Starting point is 01:47:07 Like, anybody who can have sex with a fan on is a fucking... Yeah, that's Air Force, dude. Bro, you deserve to have an only fans and support our country. Why would you want to make the room colder to now? Like, that's going to make things probably smaller. guessing. Oh, but it's just crazy to have. Just anybody who could have sex with a fan on is insane. It's literally like a cuck situation because you're like, who's this other man in the room? Oh yeah, it's a ceiling fan. Yeah, I couldn't do it. Not for me. A lot of pressure,
Starting point is 01:47:33 dude. But I do that with everything. Career-wise, I overthink everything. I... But it helps you do, you're meticulous. That's what it is. It is. And it keeps you where you are. And it's like, you know, you started, your career started off so hot. And a lot of times you see guys like that and it's hard for them to figure it out, you know? How long were you doing content before you got in a stand-up? I was doing stand-up first. Right. Oh, you were. Yeah, but, but, like, maybe...
Starting point is 01:47:54 But you've still only been doing it now, like, what, seven years? 10. Oh, have you really? Yeah. Oh, fuck, I'm losing every... No, no, you're good, man, you're good. I don't know why you'd know that. How is everything going with Bus Boys?
Starting point is 01:48:07 Bus Boys is good, dude. It's going to come out in a couple of weeks. Oh, no. It's going to come out in a couple of months. Really? So I think we're going to go into theaters. Oh, fuck you. And then, it looks like, and we're figuring that out right now.
Starting point is 01:48:18 And then we'll probably go direct to consumer as direct to people. Any streamer? I don't know. That probably happens after you go theaters and then a buyer. We'll see. I think it's also
Starting point is 01:48:28 you have to present to them when it's fully done and show them what it looks like, you know? So it's been a long, it's been a learning curve. It's been a lot. It's been a lot of stuff.
Starting point is 01:48:36 You realize it's like, oh, this is a big undertaking. But I realize it could be a lot easier next time. Yeah. And we had a lot of things that were like in the way and make things tough too.
Starting point is 01:48:47 Like the fires moved everything at the last minute by a week and just all these little things that change everything. But learned a ton. Self-financed it. We made it ourselves, you know,
Starting point is 01:48:56 and like wrote it ourselves and completely like, so that part I think I feel really excited about. And I think it should be, I think it's good. I'm just, you know, you've seen it so many times. You're like,
Starting point is 01:49:06 I don't even know what's going on here. Yeah. You're in it. I'm in it. I'm, dude, I'm, it's been so long. I'm so happy that I got a tap for that.
Starting point is 01:49:13 I watched the full thing. And it's like, I think the storyline is so there. It's like, it's, it's, it's, dumb to say, but you're like, yeah, this is a movie.
Starting point is 01:49:23 It's not like somebody who tried to make a movie. It's like, this is a start-to-finish movie. Yeah. And the storyline, I was impressed. It was, it's... Yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but it also was our first time doing it. It was like, we had to make sure that this piece matches with this piece. But I do think it moves quick and it was funny.
Starting point is 01:49:37 It was a lot of great cameos and stuff in it. I love the cameos. The cameos are great, man. And it's... But yeah, it's like, even when I saw the trailer, Spade showed me at the improv between all of his Raya matches. But he showed me... No, he does. No.
Starting point is 01:49:51 No, he does. He's got him. But even the trailer, like, as dumb as this sounds, I'm like, dude, this is a movie trailer. Yeah. Like, like, even if I had, I don't even know. Like, I could just be a random guy or at a radio shack and I watch him. Like, dude, this fucking movie looks sick. Right.
Starting point is 01:50:08 Like, it feels everything like a movie. So any doubt you have, just because I know you're very... Like the amount, I think a lot. Yeah. I don't want to slap the bone, you know? Right. But as an outside of perspective, you're like, dude, this is a fucking movie. movie, movie. So like, the fact is going into theaters and then direct, like, I'm, I'm fired up.
Starting point is 01:50:24 You think I should feel confident about that? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, dude, there it is. There it is. Yeah. It was fun. I can't even believe it all happened. Right. I mean, it was a crazy time in the year and this all happened so fast. It was like 23 days in a row we shot and it was just a fucking, it was a lot, dude. But you crushed you. We got to do something again. Please, man. Let's get this out so we can make a new one, uh, type shit. I know. And that's the thing. Like, you know, it's just, I have so many ideas that I hold onto and I shoot it for so long by the time I go to like pose and I'm like, what the fuck even is this? So art has like an expiration date. It feels like for the
Starting point is 01:50:55 artist, but it's like once you put it out there, it's like how you felt making it, that's how it should be perceived a little bit. That, that, um, what is that book? I'm blanking on his name. It's gray book with the circles on it. Rick Rubin. Have you read that book? What's it called? He's great though.
Starting point is 01:51:11 He has a book and it's all about just yeah, the creative act. Dude, I really love this book. It's The creative act, A Way of Being. I would check it out. Have you had him on the pod? I haven't. He would be a great guess. I would like to see great clips of him.
Starting point is 01:51:24 He's just, his whole perception on art is like put it out. And once it's out, like you, at one point you love the project. Don't let the outcome dictate how it is. Like when you started writing it, you loved it. When you were creating with your friends, you loved it. So I applied to a lot of videos because at one point, when filming it or writing it or editing or all that, I loved it.
Starting point is 01:51:43 And then if I post it and doesn't do well, I go, ah, fuck the video sucked. They go, no, no, no. But like, I had the care for it at one point. And it's sometimes you sit on projects for so long that you lose that care. So it's important to kind of put those things out before. And it's not that you lose that care, but your life just changes. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:52:02 And what you find funny in 2024 over 2025 is different. So, yeah, sometimes it's tough to keep something going. But also you're right to remember like, man, at one time I had so much faith in this and believed in this and I knew it was good, right? Yeah. And I still think you should. Yeah. I really do.
Starting point is 01:52:18 Thanks, bro. I think I needed to hear something like that too. We're looking at some last like coloring scenes right now. You're so in it, man. You should do a small screening in Nashville and just like not anybody who will just glaze who's like, oh, fight you. Like just like literally like 30 people and just show it and just be like what were your takeaways?
Starting point is 01:52:37 Yeah. Would you like what felt good? What felt? We probably need to do that soon. Maybe we'll do one out in L.A. too, man. Yeah, absolutely. You know when we do. But yeah, I'm super excited for that to come out.
Starting point is 01:52:46 You got the tour right now. we'll share those on the socials as well. That'd be awesome, man. Yeah, I'll come out tomorrow night and do a set. You want to do it? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Who else is on the show?
Starting point is 01:52:55 Blastine? Zach Townsend. You know him? Yeah, I love him. Zach Townsend and I think John Chris is doing set. Dude, it's going to be National's finest. It's going to be like, they're going to take a screenshot of this and put it up next to that New York City prison post. And they're like, dude, they had Mom Dami in that bitch.
Starting point is 01:53:10 I don't know who's up in there. Thanks so much for coming, bro. Dude, always. Yeah, congrats and everything. Thanks for the inspiration, dude. Yeah, you just always keep on going, dude. You keep staying creative, and it's great to see. I'm glad we get to catch up.
Starting point is 01:53:20 That means a lot of coming from you. Like, holy shit. Yeah, you got no choice not to. Let's keep it going, huh? You're giving a gift, so use it. This is it. God bless. Thank you for having me in the gang gang.
Starting point is 01:53:30 Gang, gang. That was like a Nardwar sign off. Nardwar. That was like a Nardwar sign off. Gang, gang. Good night, Nard war. I'm Nard. We're Nardwara.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.