This Past Weekend - #633 - Trevor Wallace
Episode Date: January 12, 2026Trevor Wallace is a stand-up comedian, content creator and podcaster. You can see him live on his “Alpha Beta Male” tour happening now. Trevor returns to talk about visiting Africa for the firs...t time, the new trend of OnlyFans bootcamps, and why we need to investigate the Wonka tapes. Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly. Tecovas: Go to http://tecovas.com/theo to get 10% off when you sign up for email and texts. Blue Chew: Visit https://BlueChew.com for 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code THEO. Ryl Tea: the tea that cleaned up its act and still tastes like the good old days. Refresh yourself now at www.drinkryl.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health,
from the big milestones to the quiet winds.
That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup
that provides a clear picture of your health today,
and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer.
The healthier you means more moments to cherish.
Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today.
Medcan. Live well for life.
Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started.
If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure, it's a busy time.
We still have stuff available if you're interested.
We've got the Bobby Collab and the Gang Gang Collegiate Hoodies and the Gang Tots.
You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at Theo Vaughn Store.com.
And thank you so much for your support.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
He's a content creator.
He has his own podcast called Stiff Sox
And his new tour is happening right now
Called Alpha Beta Mail
You can go check that out
I'm grateful for his return
Today's guest is Trevor Wallace
That's crazy
I'm gonna start poaching I don't give a fuck dude
I've got people poach me
Mr. Beest is taking some of my guys
Has he really? Yeah dude
No way
I'm poaching I don't think of a fucking more
Mr. Beasts took some of your guys
Let's start right there that's why
Mr. Beast well I mean
I mean, he hires just the best of the best.
And what he does is he'll like, kind of like, it's not him.
It's like people who work under him.
Just finding all the best people in the industry.
And honestly, I don't blame him.
Because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so strong.
Because you get them in, you're like, this is a very simple thing, the simple edit.
You can do this, right?
Mock this edit and this edit.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you get it back.
And you just want to be like, well, you know what, fuck it.
Coloring the lines first.
Let me see that.
Spell your name alphabetically first.
Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edit
But he just takes the best of the best
And like the people in that town
Where's Greenville?
Greensboro.
Maybe it's near ECU wherever that one is.
Okay.
And that's a, they got a pirate as a mascot,
which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore.
Greenville, that's true, dude.
Nick Shirley will shove and bust all your mascots.
And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship?
That doesn't seem like a very, like, a steady place to be.
It's a lot of wobbles going on there.
And I love Mr. Beast.
I'll say that.
He's a good guy,
but he's smart
for just taking the best of the best.
Well, I think at a certain point
you realize,
it's almost good.
It's like,
it's like if you have a hot girlfriend
and she gets hit on at a bar,
I'm not mad.
Yeah.
I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend.
Yeah, dude,
if somebody just comes up and talks to you
and you introduce me your girlfriend
and they don't even look at her again.
Oh, yeah.
Dude,
I think the most disrespectful thing
you can say to a guy
after they,
you like show them,
their girlfriend be like,
oh, man,
as long as you're happy.
Stuff.
As long as you're happy.
She's free now
Bro, I'm gonna definitely go get her hair braided or something
Or like get her rode up or something
You have to do something then
But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times dude
You're like whoa dude
You get two free glimpses
It's like Monopoly
You get two free out of jails
You get two free glimpses
And they better be up top glances
They better
I mean looking at her hair line
Clavicles up
Yeah
But it is funny that like if you're
And I don't think this happens
The older you get in life
But like when you are
Well I'll tell you go on
sciatica as you get older it's not as much but like when you start dating somebody it's almost
like your boys are like you check her out she's hot right look at her tits yeah and then those people get
married eventually and you're like i've seen your wife's tits yeah why am i even at the wedding i've
seen i've seen them yeah i think it's wild like that's one of the things that i think could be
wild sometimes about if somebody marries like somebody that has like a lot of only fan stuff out there
and stuff like that can be because i don't look at only fans but i don't know and some of the stuff
might just be photos.
I know some of it's sex.
But,
but that could be,
it's all.
It's all S-E-X.
It's crazy.
You're like,
truly they don't go all the way.
And you do one Reddit search.
And they're,
they're in the dark webs.
They're going all the way?
All the way.
Oh, my God.
It's crazy.
Well, I think they do it
because it's like behind so many paywalls
they're like,
nobody's going to see this.
And do they even have a shirt on
or anything or nothing?
No.
I don't even know if they have the AC on.
It's like a sweaty place.
I don't know, man.
There's always music in the background.
And it's always like, Wiz Khalifa, like, young, wild and free.
And you're like, I don't know if this is the most.
I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation.
Yeah, dude.
If you're getting kind of shank down somewhere, I think you've got to have the AC on, I feel like.
AC on and windows down or like the blinds down.
It's too bright in there.
Oh, yeah.
But then if some of the dark, I will say this, haven't been a user pornography.
You're still off, yeah?
I've had some setbacks.
Yeah.
And what sparked that setback?
Oh, I'll tell you.
Not to trigger anything.
No, dude.
You trigger something that night.
Frustrated, lonesome.
Yeah.
Laying there.
Like, reading.
And they've been like, oh, this book isn't enough, you know?
Like, and it's just a book, it's like a good book.
Is that photos or no?
It's like, all's quiet on the Western front or something.
It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make me spray, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You're talking about the dust bowl?
Yeah.
Um, I mean, there are a couple of scenes in, uh, grapes or wrath that kind of like.
Really?
Well, there is a very, like, there's a very, like, there's a very,
There's a scene where the mom at the end, or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end,
has to breastfeed a person because, like an adult, because they just don't have anything to eat.
Yes.
I've been not hungry before, though.
But that's like, I mean, that's, uh, oh, we're already on Reddit.
It's about it happened.
We're two clicks away for some tips.
Yeah.
Let's back out of here because I'm already, well, I'm looking at the Louis CK book behind you.
And something about that cover like that, that feels like, like a little.
Oh, this is a rough.
But yeah, dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know?
Yeah.
And if I haven't been meditating, I have a little, like, a moment of peace before, like, I, like, react.
Mental masturbation, yeah.
Well, it's like, I'm just not as reactive.
It's like, I have a moment of like, okay, well, what do I really want to do here, you know?
Because then I'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing.
But overall, it's got a lot better.
I mean, it's instant.
The second it leaves the body, it's like, come out, regret in.
And it's like a baton.
Like, it's like a handoff.
It's like, goodbye, good night.
And then you're just sitting there.
with shame.
How are you in hotel rooms?
Are you like after shows?
Are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep?
Or you're just kind of sitting there pace in a little bit?
Oh, man.
I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff.
You know?
I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad,
because that used to be the thing.
Like, you get in a nice room.
You got to jerk up right when you get in there.
That's the key card.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA.
You're just spraying on the freaking, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the,
Right there.
Exactly.
And then you stick the Do Not Disturb sign on the nut.
But I just feel like any room, it's just not home.
So it's always going to feel awkward.
It's just like the AC.
The AC needs to pick a lane.
It's on and it's off.
Yeah.
It's on those.
And you're like, why you edging me with AC?
The AC does feel like it's edging all the time.
It's a crazy time you are, I think, too, in the winter.
You can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is.
The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second.
and then it kind of disappears really fast.
It's like, I don't know.
All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude.
I mean, getting through the winter,
getting through these days, I kind of,
I never want the year to start.
That's what I realize.
I do not.
Yes, it's like, I'm still like trying to relax and chill
and the year just starts back so fast.
You've been taking a break, though, yeah?
How are you feeling?
Good?
Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure.
Yeah, nice.
But I want to just keep doing that.
And that's fine.
But I think the calendar is just like,
here, we're going again.
You know, it's going to be.
I feel that.
It takes me a while to,
calm down and then the second I started to calm down, that's when it starts to ramp it back up.
Yeah.
It's like to, if you really need to enjoy vacation, let's say you want to week off, you almost need like two or three days before and two or three days after to like build in and then to like build up to get out.
Do you think like, do you think it's tougher for people to find like spouses and stuff these days because there's so much like date?
Like so many people that like you've dated your friends and all that kind of stuff.
Does that ever affect you think at all?
What's the question?
Like if you wanted to find like a girlfriend or something,
is it tough because it's like, oh man, my buddies date her.
It's like there's just so much.
Oh, oh, oh.
In the same town, I guess it just depends on like the town capacity.
I mean, like where my dad grew up, it's like 5,000 people.
Yeah, I mean, at that point, it's like you might have to run it back once or twice.
You might have to date somebody you dated years back just to be like, we've hit the cycle.
You know, at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow and then like the same dancers come out.
Yeah.
Every, like, three songs.
With a new hat or whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
And they just put, like, L'I.
In front of their name.
Yeah.
There's diamond now.
There's L diamond.
Yeah.
Yeah, Lina.
So it's L-Diamon.
That's, and she's next.
I think it just depends on the town.
Yeah, dude.
I think that's why guys randomly just move, though.
Yeah.
Like, fuck, I'm going to Oregon.
Yeah.
And dudes will be like, hey, is there, some dude will send out like a tweet like,
hey, is there some good boss out in Oregon or whatever?
The craziest shit to me.
Some dudes will reply like, like, bro, no.
Puss in Oregon, dude.
And they're with a girl right there.
They're with a wife.
The crazy shit is the people that like,
and I'm sure you've had people like this on your tour.
I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this.
But like I don't, like, there'll be guys on your tour
who are like swiping in the next city.
They're like meal prep and swipes.
Yes.
They're like, oh, I'm already in Chattanooga.
Yeah.
We're in San Diego, brother.
What the hell are you on?
Yeah, I've had some openers that are like that.
They're already in the next city and they're like,
oh, I got a girl maybe coming through.
And I'm like, how'd you meet her?
And like, I met her on hands or whatever.
We're together now.
It's crazy.
Yeah, the pre-swipes.
I don't know, man.
It's, I guess, I don't know.
I guess it's like kind of like ordering an Uber for the next day or something.
I don't know.
Like, there's some smart strategy behind it.
That's Uber Eats, dude.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, sir.
Uber Eats out.
Dude, a lot of crazy stuff.
What did I see that?
There was a one girl.
Trish, Trisha Pettus.
Is running for office.
Did you see that?
Do you know her kids' names?
Uh-uh.
I don't know why you would.
I don't know why I do
But her kids' names are something
Can you pull that up somewhere someone?
It's fun.
Yeah, it's Elvis and Aquaman
Who should be in the new Jason Memo movie.
Wow.
And Malibu Barbie.
Malibu Barbie, Elvis and Aquaman Moses.
And they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit,
but their names follow a theme of pop culture
and iconic figures with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer,
water sign, birth month, and the movie.
And their fourth kid is Charlie Kirk.
No.
Reincarnated.
But this is her right here.
So I never thought of it.
Is this real?
She's running for president?
She's running for office, I believe, for Congress.
I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so.
And what is she eating?
Is she doing a muckbang while running for office?
That is crazy.
That's a good way to keep attention, though.
Why the fuck wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaigns?
Biden was fucking eating ideas from years ago, bro.
That guy was fucking eating his words.
Bro, can you even imagine the pain
that Biden had to go through each day
when they put him back up there?
And they're like, okay, you're going back up there.
Yeah, I feel like...
And he didn't have any clue what he was doing.
He was...
Like, you've seen people...
He's like Aaron Rogers.
He's like, he's still playing,
but he just wants to be on a beach on ayahuasca.
Yeah.
He just wants to be away.
Every day I think who would want to be president?
Every day you have people yelling at you
It seems like the worst
But I just when he went out
Then they put him on that bike
They knew he couldn't do it
It's all crazy
That was the first hit from
Another country
Was the bike
Yeah
When he fell off that bike
Or when that bike went down
That was somebody
That was somebody on like North Dakota
And being like let's take him out
Deflate the tires
Yeah let's wait one of these pedals
It would only take a little bit
What did she say
What else did she say?
Let's see.
Is this serious that she's running?
And for those you don't know,
Tricia Paitos is a...
She's done everything.
She's really just culturally well-known online on YouTube and TikTok and everything.
And I believe at one point she did...
YouTube and influencer.
K-O-R-N.
Announce,
pleads express a desire to make a difference amid horrible stuff in California in the world,
calling the idea crazy but vivid.
From a dream she had,
she plans to run as a right-in candidate initially
and then self-funder pan...
campaign. Her potential slogan, potential slogan is California could be good. Hey, that's a moderate,
that's a moderate set. Yeah. Could be good. Yeah, it's fair. It could be all right.
Hey, look how bad. Could be good. It's a fair thing to take with people. Yeah, it's like, I feel like
that's like two levels. You know when you go to like a hot chicken place and they have all the
different levels. Yeah. And like, make America great again is the number one. Could be good is like the
starting point. Like California could be good. It's a nugget. And then it's like, Texas will fuck your
ass. And then it's like, make America great again. Yeah.
Wow, that's wild.
And what is some of, does she have a, like, a policy?
What does she kind of running on?
Does she have any priorities is she saying?
Does she say it in that speech?
What is going on?
How do you even run for president?
Like, where do you sign up?
Well, this is Congress.
And Congress, there's a lot of Congress people, so.
Is Congress like the Farm League for baseball?
Total of 535 members of Congress, dude.
That's like the Brea improv.
Yeah.
Yeah, that felt, imagine a, that fills the gray improv.
I'd bomb so hard.
A hundred serving the U.S.
Senate and 4 and 35 serve in the House of Representatives.
But can you go back to what her priority was?
Can we get to that?
Really dark and depressing things, but getting a fold of my mental health means being able
to not only deal with my emotions and spirals and triggers, I need to start dealing with
the world.
I'm going to start my state.
And I really think my slogan for my name will just be like, California could be good.
Okay.
This is wild.
But good for her.
What would your slogan be for Nashville?
Ooh.
Nashville could be quieter.
Let's get this shit hype.
Whiteys.
Hey.
I think that could be it.
Type shit.
And others.
And others.
Yeah.
Type shit.
Yeah.
Who's ready for some Tennessee type shit?
No.
Tennessee type shit is way better than Titans.
Tennessee type shit.
Oh, dude.
I mean, that's the first improvement.
You should be a head coach somewhere.
The Tennessee type shit.
You're at a lot of games.
Like, you know ball.
We've had a great deal of games, man.
Well, the college is great.
The university.
Cam Ward, shout it to him.
He seems like a great kid.
He's going to go far.
He seems like a nice guy over there, for sure.
I mean, I only met him one time, but he seems nice.
Yeah, they've had a rough season over there.
They're looking for a new coach right now,
so I think they're in a lot of rebuilding going on over at the Titans.
Totally.
Well, they should hire Tricia Padas.
Because the Titans could be good.
Could be good.
Could be good.
You're right.
It's kind of the perfect motto.
If she were to win off as the freaky singer, it says here,
and this is the Hill,
said her primary goal would be to raise the age requirement
for participating in adult entertainment to 25.
I think that's probably a good idea.
Is that because that's when the brain is fully developed
to be like, hey, should I be throwing my post online?
Yeah, I think, well, I guess that's, I mean,
I think it's obviously up to the women,
but I think having a better understanding
of what you want to do
before you kind of lock yourself into a video
or something is probably a good idea.
It is crazy. You can get fully nude on the internet
before you can get a bushlight.
You can show Bush before getting a bush light.
18, pop it out, but you can't go to a bar.
It's kind of wild.
But that was like the original stance with like the war.
It's like, you can fire for this country at 18, but it can't get a goddamn coarse latte.
Yeah.
Now we've just rotated.
Women can show a puss, but they can't get a Pacifico.
Well, that's what I'm running for.
Yeah.
Dude, yeah, you could storm the beaches of Pacifica, but you can't get one.
That's kind of the crazy part.
Dude, the wildest, uh, maybe they'll do like a, like a mashup, like the army and only fans.
Oh, maybe they'll do like a mashup.
There's kind of an army going on.
There's like a war going on in the OF world right now.
Like I don't know if it's like fascinating or I don't think we should draw any more attention to it.
But like there's some girl like selling a course and everyone's kind of yelling at her.
Who's selling a, selling a course?
She's selling a course on like how to be like in OF.
But she's doing like Andrew Tate, but for like popping it online.
Like how to like, how to do it and do it well?
I guess.
Maybe it's about like different positions or something.
I think it's like how to like market like if you want to be an O.F.
Girl, this is how you would run it.
And she, it's a course like like with any of these guys like Andrew Elliott.
Andrew Elliott?
No, Andy Elliott.
It's just a course that they're selling for $6,000.
And now other girls who do that are like, hey, why don't you just give this out for free?
Like, why don't, why don't, why you're talking a piece of shit?
Like, this course is not good.
Like the course is just getting left.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, it's good.
It's up to girls.
Right? It's their bodies. It's their choices about it.
But I do think 18 is kind of young.
It's very young.
We had a lady on name Laila McAweight, and she talked about a lot of pornography that's online.
It's not consensual.
So there was like a lot of lawsuits that made, uh, that made like porn hub and some of these other sites take down non-consensual sex.
So it was sex that had been recorded, but nobody ever signed off and said, okay, yes, I'm okay with you putting that up, right?
So, only fans, Camelia, it's her.
Araja faces backlapse for $5,000 course.
People saying it's a scam.
I mean, people make courses for everything.
It's like, if you go and buy this, then that's your choice.
Do I think it's probably the best thing to be kind of marketing?
I don't know.
I'm not a woman.
I don't know if, but I think, I don't know.
What I want my daughter probably doing that if she's like, I don't know.
I'll tell you this, it'd be nicer.
somebody's 25 and they're able to make that choice probably.
Yeah, I think it's just anytime people spend money on something, there's a sense of entitlement
where it's like if you pay a premium, you're expecting a premium return.
And then if you log on to it or you buy it and it's just a shit course, then you're instantly mad.
So a lot of those courses are pretty mid, though.
Remember all those ones during COVID on Facebook?
They were like, it was like the, like everybody was putting a course up.
It felt like.
Yeah, I mean, I did one at one point too.
You did?
Early, early, early on social media.
During the pandemic, it was just like...
They even drive by somebody?
Blow O's.
And blow loads.
That's what it was called.
O's and loads.
No, it was just like during the pandemic.
And I was literally like, I'm just such a workhorse.
And I like, if I'm not doing anything, I like, I just feel guilt.
I feel like I need to be doing something.
And during the pandemic, I was like, what if I did like a just here's everything I do
start to finish video ideas when it comes to like creating ideas to adding it.
Did you feel good about it?
I felt like, I felt like it was true to me.
I don't know.
I don't know, which is cool because now I have multiple friends who I watch and
my are online.
And like years later, we're like, yo, loki, we took your class.
Like, thank you for teaching us like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck.
Dude, actually, I took a-
So now I'm hanging out with students.
I took a comedy class when I started.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you're right.
It's like, what's the real difference?
Yeah, it's not up anymore.
Or I don't think you can buy it anymore, but like, it was just, at the time, it was a one-time
purchase, $125, which.
That's fair.
Yeah.
I mean,
it's like,
you're a work course though, dude.
You love your work.
You're locked in,
you know?
Yeah,
I haven't done those in a while,
but yeah,
well,
I get this.
It was broken down in the chapters.
It was like five hours
totals of stuff.
And it was just me saying,
I mean,
I'm sure parts of it were like,
maybe boring,
but I think if you watch the whole thing,
I really break it down.
Like,
that's what's been the hardest thing
for me is like hiring additional help.
It's like,
I am so locked in on like exactly
what I want,
what I'm looking for.
And then I tell it to somebody
and then they don't do it.
I'm like, no, no, it's this.
Like, mock this example here.
And then you have to do it yourself in the end.
And that takes a ton of time.
Dude, that's the same way I'm with edits.
It's like, I got to stay up and go watch through the edits.
It's like, I just got to make sure I'm very meticulous.
It's hard for somebody to get your, like, exact ways down, you know?
It's just tough.
Which is hard because it's like, if you do it, then they don't learn.
But sometimes just whether it's a deadline or something, I'll be like, here, just let me over the shirt.
I'm like, move this, do this.
I'll do it myself.
And be like, you get it?
Yeah, but I'm not, like, teaching them.
So, I don't know.
Nobody told you, like, getting into comedy,
now you have to be, like, an employer.
Like, you have to be, like, a boss.
Oh, that's the worst.
Yeah.
You guys hear that back there?
It's the fucking worst.
Make his life better.
No, they do.
I, I'm the problem.
I feel like, usually it's like, you know,
because nobody knows what you want and you don't even know,
like, it's so hard to explain yourself, you know.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But it is crazy from going to somebody who just wanted to kind of rest all day
and, like, barely made it to the shows sometimes.
Dude, I remember one time I was drunk, I peed on my phone or whatever,
and I couldn't even fucking get a hold of like the people to come and get me for the show.
Just like nightmare shit.
And then to go from that to being like, oh, dang, I mean, like people are waiting to hear back from me about stuff.
It's like that kind of stuff's a lot.
I think evolving in a place, especially if you find out that you like to work a lot and then becoming a boss is super hard.
And learning to communicate like a like I'm trying to learn to learn.
learn to communicate better. It's been a slow climb, man.
The hardest part for me is like if I'm not working, then nobody's working, it feels like,
which isn't true, but like it feels like I need to be there to like run ship.
But if I'm not, then people are kind of like, who do I, how do I?
Yeah.
That's why the touring makes it hard.
So in the world, I just want to bring everybody.
Fuck it. Bring your Dell. Bring your PC. You're editing on this flight and we can just all be there.
Yeah.
Which is just not realistic. But I feel like comedians now work harder than they've ever worked.
When you first started, like I remember you were on Last Comic Standing, right?
Like in those days, what was kind of?
of like your day to day in comedy.
Like,
it was just,
you wake up and you just had spots
at night,
or are you doing other shit?
Yeah, you had spots at night,
go to the gym,
probably just try to take care of yourself,
like, you know,
stay like,
you know,
I liked going to the gym at the time.
So do that.
I mean,
I started doing like this,
like crank texting thing
and some weird stuff,
like making some websites.
Oh, oh.
Oh, yeah,
like trying to look for some other comedy.
Yeah,
finding something on the internet
that could like be like another,
like,
force for me or like another thing
that I could do.
Who are like the big dogs in L.A. when you were...
Oh, Nick Thune, Owen Benjamin.
Jane Cook was like the biggest guy right when I got there.
I never saw him much, but sometimes he would come by some of the rooms.
Who else?
Oh, Steve Byrne, Adam Hunter.
Those were like the guys that were like real popular at the rooms that I went to.
And every now and then, like somebody magical would come to, like a Jim Norton would come to.
like a Jim Norton would come through
or like Chelsea Handler, I think,
came in one time.
But those were in the clubs.
Those were just like in the like tertiary rooms,
you know?
Some of those guys, I guess,
and girls that started getting into clubs.
So what have you been up to in your time off?
You're breaking.
You're taking a couple months off now.
Yeah, I mean, off a stand-up.
We're still doing a ton of podcasting.
In my head I go like, oh, I have a week off,
but that just means from touring.
Right.
Like a week off.
Now I'm just doing the same shit, but at home.
Yeah.
Oh, it's nice having a break from travel.
From travel.
Yeah, from that.
kind of thing. I mean, I got to go to a lot of football games. That was fun. I mean, I've been
able to do that. Like, I mean, I've probably done 26 weeks a year for probably 15 years.
So it's like, you know, it's hard to kind of plan it. Well, it's hard to go out of town whenever
you just went, we're out of town even for work. So that was fun. Getting to go to a lot of
SEC football games. That was great. I got to redo my comedy special, so we're going to
retake that at some point. Oh, nice. Have you not say yet? Nope. Breaking news.
I haven't heard of here live. So, do you know where you're shooting it yet? I don't yet.
We're going to start.
I got to start figuring that out.
I just wanted to wait until I felt like kind of excited about,
uh,
just kind of getting back on stage and I'm just like,
I just wanted to have some like space like just the tour.
It was just a lot.
Last year was just a long year.
Totally.
Totally.
Um,
but it was great.
I mean,
you know,
it was good and it was just a lot.
You're just learning and life's changing and you're like,
man,
this is like,
just take a second to like pause and like,
what's a real priority here?
Yeah.
And you had to get security for some stuff.
You know,
you started realizing you're kind of freaking out when you're by yourself a little
bit, like things like that.
I mean, like, and that makes it kind of spooky, you know?
So, I think if you took a, what, a sample size of like one in seven Americans, I would say
six of them know you.
Oh, now.
But, but, like, seven people, just any, like, Santa Fe, New Mexico, you know, Dayton, Ohio.
I mean, those two, but, like, if you like.
A couple twinks, maybe, you know.
Yeah, but, like, I think you're just so, you're just so.
you're just so known
that sometimes that you don't
when you just show
you're just so you though
that it like
I don't know if you see it
I mean obviously you see it
but like how the world sees you
that's something that is always
an interesting thing is like
you don't know how the world
because you only see the world
but you're so well known
that you just show up like
solo and I'm like
this motherfucker just interviewed
the Ukrainian missile crisis
and now he's just at the comedy store
walking up by himself
like
but you want to
want to feel like just your own space in the world, you know?
And so I think that was like kind of a conflict a lot for me last year and like just
knowing that, okay, well, sometimes you just need to have somebody with you.
And then I started really just feeling kind of paranoid when I was by myself.
But some of it was just people filming you, just people doing stuff that started to make you
kind of crazy.
Like you'll just go to eat or you'll go to do something simple.
Then it would be like little things.
And it's okay.
I'm not complaining about it.
I'm just saying there's some adjustment to it.
And there's some psychological adjustment to it as well.
And then I think like, yeah, things got scary last year when they shot Charlie Kirk.
That probably scared everybody who even gets on a stage, I think, was probably scared, you know.
Oh, dude, I was at the comedy store.
I have a clip of this.
I might post it.
I'll show it to you to see if it's good or not.
But a balloon popped on New Year's.
I was at the store.
And my first words, I thought I just got Kirked.
And it got a big pop.
But it's one of those things is like, do I post it?
And then the internet's like, oh, well, now here we go with it.
And I'm like, no, I think it's fine, bro.
Oh, okay.
I think it's like, I mean.
But then I talk about Erica and her eyesight.
And like that's when it goes like a little like, I think you have to joke about it.
Like I start thinking of things to talk about about stuff like that.
I mean, it's just, but yeah, I think all that made people kind of spooked.
It was like, what's going on?
And then it doesn't seem like the investigation.
Like, what's really happening here?
And there's like, they show the kid at a dairy queen or something.
And it's like, he's wearing different stuff.
The biggest thing is like, I think this might have been put on by dairy queen.
there's no way that they didn't put a bit in
to some bigger picture to be like
listen blizzards aren't doing the numbers they used to do
like but think about that any
okay now I'm getting real conspiracy in here
but any fast food place he goes to
their sales are going to go up people watch this
and we're like y'all I look you on a blizzard right now
yeah for sure if fucking jack in the box did this shit
and he ate two tacos
bro that's it well dude
I'm fucking sick of this planet
get me off
This bitch.
Dude, if Baskin Robbins did this, they would have 32 flavors.
Oh, they'd bring the Chaco Taco Taco back to Taco Bell.
I'd make a new flavor for them in the back, homie.
That's what I want, dude.
That's what that twink fucking...
Dude, if that would have happened out of Ben and Jerry's, they would have had it.
They would have that flavor quick.
Dude, how do they not have...
Twink shooter?
Twinkle, twinkle, little star?
How do they not have twink shooter,
Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor?
Dude, that's the thing.
Some of these food companies have got to start to come
out with foods that people can relate to.
It's like, how do they not have that, um, the, the rooftop gunners MacNugget or something,
you know, like, or like, and it's like a little guy.
Yeah.
Maybe they serve them on a roof.
Like you open up the thing and there's a little roof in there and they're all placed on
there and one of them has a little pistol or something.
Dude, can you, can we pull up a happy meal?
Is that crazy you think?
Oh, it's insane.
But can we pull up a McDonald's Happy Meal?
It has kind of a roof in it.
That's what I'm talking about.
You know what I mean?
And they put a toy.
That the fuck.
Bro, in Pizza Hut, you don't even want to see a pizza hut with the old, with the old
motherfucking sombrero on it?
Yeah, bro.
Put a sniper on there.
And when Papa John said that word, they should have done a different specialty.
Oh.
And Papa Johns, you should, when you open one of the boxes every day, this is how they do it.
One magical box.
It has one of those voice things in it that when you open it.
Yeah.
It says the N-word.
And if you get that pizza, you get it free.
Isn't that interesting?
No reward.
It's so fucked up.
It's so bad.
But then you get a reward, you're like, this is low-key Willie Wonka.
Yeah.
All people want is a little bit of something extra.
They want a little bit of prize.
You know, the Epstein files are out, but I'm excited for the Wonka files.
I think some weird shit was going down at Willy Wonka.
With galores glunt or whatever.
It's trying to bitches into blueberries.
It's literally all children and little people run around.
Like, I feel like we're getting into some weird files that are going to drop soon.
The Wonka tapes.
The Wonka tapes.
What is this?
Trevor Wonka. It's full knowledge now that prize picks is America's number one sports picks app.
It's undeniable. The app is really easy to use, and it's got everything. Player picks, team picks,
and culture picks. That's right. On top of picking player lineups, you can now pick teams on prize
picks. Pick the winner, total, and spread on every game through the playoffs. Team picks are now available
in 30 states, including California, Texas, and Florida, sunny Florida.
And culture picks covers everything else.
Make picks on the price of crypto, entertainment awards, and even politics.
What I love about the player's picks is you just get to pick more or less on a player.
It makes it really simple.
And right here are my picks for this weekend's games.
A tail at your own discretion.
I don't have a great strategy.
I don't think. I'm just sort of vibe and you know the drill.
Prize picks. It's good to be right. Play responsibly.
Prize picks offers DFS and free to play $50 provided as prize picks DFS lineups.
Must spend $5 of real money on prize picks before receiving bonus lineups.
Price Predict is a registered FCM offering team picks and culture picks as event contracts.
Both involve significant risk, not for all. Must be 18 and over.
And for event contracts via U.S. resident restriction supply void where prohibited.
Use responsibly for help call 100, 426, 2537, or visit WWW.
NCPgambling.org.
Anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots.
You can find your perfect pair like I did with Tocovas.
I like showing up in my Tocovas.
I like just stepping out into the world, boot first.
People see me coming and they look at my feet and they know, hey, he's doing well.
If you're thinking about boots, Tocovas has got your back and your feet.
With premium, genuine leathers and superior construction techniques, every pair is handcrafted in over 200 steps.
From cowhide and goat to exotic leathers like ostrich and caiman, whether it's your first pair or your 50th, Tocovas has you covered.
With over 50 Toccova's stores coast to coast, there's bound to be a store near you.
Right now, get 10% of the first.
off at tukovas.com
slash Theo when you sign up
for email and text.
That's 10% off at
T-E-C-O-V-A-S dot com
slash T-H-E-O.
Tocovas.com
slash Theo.
See site for details.
Tocovas.
Point your toes west.
Was there any,
um,
will you look that up,
was there any sexual accusations
or allegations during Willie Wonka?
Let's look that up.
But do the OG one.
Not the Timmy Shire.
Alamea one. I'm just wondering
investing any sexual accusations
during the taping of any
Willie Wonka film.
Child labor laws. Yeah,
for sure. They're throwing
bitches in a fondue pot.
You mentioned rejecting Michael Jackson for Wanko
Duda prior a guy's in another. Oh,
Michael Jackson was going to be in Wonka?
Charlie and Chocolate Factory.
All right, that was a worst joke ever said.
We'll take it out.
But dude, I guess like
Yeah, going back to it, what do you think?
Do you think there should be an age law for sex work?
Yeah.
I do think 25 can make sense.
Like, I think about what I was doing from 18 to 22.
I mean, I was just in college.
I was making the worst decisions of my entire life.
Like, at one point I smoked weed out of a light bulb.
Like, literally the base of a light bulb.
And like, that same guy could have been like,
fuck it, here's my dick.
Right.
Because that has tungsten in it, too.
It could be real dangerous.
probably inhaling tungsten.
Yeah, I mean,
might as well smoke meth at that point,
but I broke a light bulb
and used the bottom of it
as a bowl for weed.
Yeah, I didn't even use the glass.
That's crack neighbor behavior, dude.
Yeah, it is.
That's crack neighbor behavior.
Yeah, that's parallel of crack right there.
That's meth adjacent, bro.
Methadjacent sounds like a great podcast
that could come out.
Methadjacent, holy shit.
Oh, what about Freddie versus meth adjacent, dude?
Ooh, I like that.
But, or what if to, I'm talking,
I'm trying to think if like, because yeah, if you had to be 25 to do that and you had to be 18 to be in the Army.
But what if they came out with like an army fans, dude?
That's the thing.
Like I start to see like weird business mergers happening.
Like we've had like Long John Silvers and Baskin Robbins.
Didn't they merger?
No.
Who merged?
Pizza Hut and, um...
And Long John Silvers?
It's always the bitches that can't pull their own on their own.
You know what I mean?
But first of all, Long John Silver's shut it down.
Yeah.
I mean, investigate their taxes.
That's a drug fraud.
You thought shit was going on weird in Minnesota with the Somalis?
Let's investigate Long John Silver's.
Bro, there's no catch of the day out in fucking Midland, Texas.
The catch of the day is the felon that was working behind the fry counter.
That's the catch is when he leaves and the ankle monitor goes up.
Type in Long John Silver's CEO, if you don't mind.
Oh, Long John Silver's right here.
Under companies like Yum Brands, that's what they're called.
They're creating combined locations with KFC Pete's Hutter,
Taco Bell.
Yeah, that's the crazy.
I just don't like that, dude, because I don't like somebody,
you know they're cooking fish on one on the grill,
and they're also cooking a burger.
Taco Bell does it with a bunch.
It might be Taco Bell on Pizza Hut.
You'll see those, like, randomly.
Yeah, like a...
And they stuff them in a gas station and it's fucking...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not the same.
None of that shit's the same.
But, dude, I could see an Army fans, dude.
Can you see the Army fans?
I could definitely see it.
Who are they, like, taking down?
Like...
They're not fighting anybody.
It's just military people to show in their junk.
Oh, oh, oh.
To make an extra buck.
I feel like, or probably to fund our military.
I feel like
I could just see that, you know.
I think it's a good idea.
To fund the military, yeah.
Hold on.
Why don't we do it?
All these guys are jacked.
They work out 24-7.
They might have a little bit of dirt or dust
on their face from being at combat.
There's so many like lonely women in the Midwest,
well, globally who are like, that's hot.
Yeah.
And the chance they could do like,
I don't know what,
I'm trying to think what their chance.
I've been told.
but this bussy
But for six more dollars
You can see this hole
Yeah something like that
Like this busies getting sold
Yeah
That's what we need dude
It's like left right
Left right
But it's just somebody's showing
Their different tips
Yes
It's somebody
That is a great way to fund
The military
I think
Because everything's going bankrupt
So you're gonna have to find ways
To fund things
This is what I've been hearing
It's like yeah
Everywhere is bankrupt
Which blows on on it
Because it's like
What's how
Like, we're not getting enough money
and it's near the businesses.
So who...
I know.
I can't even think about it.
It hurts my head.
It's getting weird, dude.
Yeah, I mean...
Everything's getting weird, bro.
The current CEO of Longdown servers
is Nate Fowler,
who took over in February 2025,
succeeding Blaine Shortreed,
who had served as CEO since early 2021.
Can I see a photo of this guy?
Yeah.
That's Nate Fowler.
He's a baller.
Oh, he hoops?
Oh, he looks like a nice guy.
He looks like a nice guy.
He also looks like he's never had Long John Silverson's entire life.
He's like, what are we serving here?
Oh, hell no.
Hell no.
Well, dude, they have that carp or whatever.
I'm like, I'm not fucking parking and getting out of my car.
Park to carp.
Yeah.
I don't know.
There's something about, I'm not getting carp through a drive-thru.
I'm just not going in there to get any carp.
Drive-thru is, I think, the downfall of America.
I saw a skyline chili in Ohio with a drive-thor.
I say, if you're getting chili on the road,
you might as well start drinking.
You have a better chance to survive getting a DUI
than eating hot spaghettios in the back of a tundra.
And sometimes we think like,
oh, we're Americans, we deserve so much.
But then when you look at what we are willing to accept
just on a daily day level for ourselves,
and I know some people, they can't afford certain things,
and I get that.
But when you're willing to just pull up with your kids
and just sit there and eat chili in the car
and just do gas on each other
and do body gas on each other.
What are you doing?
It's just come to a point.
Just because you're a Bengals fan or whatever?
You don't say, what are we doing?
Fucking Joe Burrow play log.
Shit is here.
Hey, sack this.
Yeah, it's so funny how American eyes
in my brain, obviously I grew up here.
Catch this T. Higgins and your dad just farts again.
You're like, come on, dad.
It's probably how it all starts.
That's the warm up in the locker room.
But it's so, like, this format is so normal to me
that if I see a place that doesn't have a driverthiel,
I'd be like, awful. Let me look.
Like, if I'm going to Starbucks, I'm like,
oh, this Starbucks doesn't have a drive-thru.
Let me find a drive-thru.
Yeah, that's a good point.
All you do is add a road and you up your sales.
Oh, dude, a Starbucks on some places would be so good.
On a nice steakhouse.
But you could wait like 40 minutes in line
when you put your order at the sign
if it's like a busy place.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the McRib, they just said this.
Black folks are going to be pissed.
What's inside of McRibb?
McDonald's hit with class action lawsuit claiming the sandwich
doesn't contain rib meat.
Ooh.
Well,
TBD on that,
brother,
I'm going to leave that up
to my
more chocolate associates
in the world
because that's out of my jurisdiction,
brother.
According to the complaint
that McRib
is actually made
from restructured pork,
which combines cuts
such as shoulder,
heart,
tripe, and scalded stomach,
none of which qualify
as rib meat.
That's fair.
At least it's from a pig.
I thought for sure
that they were just like
painting some,
Some cow of different color.
But to just do that, to lie to a culture for so long saying it's rib, I knew it wasn't rib.
One of my friends lives and dies by this thing, my buddy, Scotty.
I'm like, he's always sending me pictures of him getting the McRib whenever it's back or whatever.
I'm like, where did it go?
It didn't fucking.
Yeah.
What did they do?
And they used to, like, I mean, Bert always used to talk about that.
Burke Crish would always talk about how, like, crime would go up when the McRib was gone or whatever.
I think it did, yeah.
I think this is like a real American's, like, uh, groundhog.
day.
Yeah.
I feel like the
McRib is back.
Fine, honey.
You're getting a ring
this year.
Why don't more people
bet on prize
picks with fucking
the mic rib?
Is it coming back
in January?
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean,
what blows my mind
about fast food.
I feel like I
talked about it on this
podcast before.
I don't know why.
But what fucks me up
is, you know,
the grill marks on chicken?
Mm-hmm.
Not real grill.
It's a little,
it's tattooed on.
What do you mean
on chicken?
You mean on just regular chicken
you buy?
Yeah.
Not at, like,
if you get a,
If you get a grilled chicken from McDonald's, not breaded, but grilled, they have, like, grill marks on it.
That's fake.
That's, it's like a henna tattoo.
Grill marks on, it's like a hana tattoo.
Yeah, it's temporary.
Fast food chicken are often fake created by industrial branding machines.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
So they do that for the illusion that you're like, this was on a grill.
Oh, yeah.
But I'm a suck.
I mean, like, if I see, I'm not questioning it.
Well, this scene, they, but I don't think it's that.
They're not doing that.
That's some guy.
That's more work.
That's Nicholas.
Tesla making a chicken.
But if you, if type in like a McDonald's, no, I think it says it right there.
It's obvious, man.
But I'm sure there's a video where you like erase it.
Like I'm pretty sure.
Have you ever wondered how frozen food companies get grill marks on chicken that clearly wasn't
cooked on a grill because it came out of a factory?
Well, this is how they do it.
There are wheels that are very hot that roll directly over the chicken and leave.
them continuously branded with grill marks.
Now for six more dollars, she would show you a breast or something at the end of that.
Goes the military.
Welcome to the military.
Welcome to the Air Force, dude.
I mean, that's where the hotties are, too.
And the military's in the Air Force, bro.
What?
The hotties are in there?
Yeah.
Really?
Are people in the military allowed to have an only fans?
Because I could see a merger that.
I could just see, like, if everything's so weird now, I can easily see a merger there.
Well, everybody's doing collabs.
Like if Long John Silver's and Dairy Queen are going to do something,
you'd think the military would at least take on one of these websites.
And this is a perplexity.
Thank you.
No members of the U.S. military are not allowed to operate only fans' accounts,
particularly those involving adult content due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct.
These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval.
Now, if you are losing your life or risking your life for a country,
I don't know if I believe that that's fair.
Yeah, get the pop a little pee or something.
I'll tell you what, if I was in jail, the first thing I'm doing is buying one of those phones out of another dude's ass, which might be the worst convenience store ever.
I'm buying a fun out of-
Well, here you think you put your money in his hand and whatever comes out of his ass is yours.
I think that's usually how that's kind of like...
It is very true.
Isn't that funny?
And it's usually the first thing out because you kind of have to give a...
Like, you don't usually have a ton of money.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got one item in there.
If he's got two, then that boy is into a different pleasure.
No, I think you can tickle each guy to kind of see if you can guess...
Holy shit. That's how you rob a human vending machine.
Yeah. They got an Android. But I think the first thing I would do if I was in jail
because I don't know how they get internet or Wi-Fi, but like I'll see like live
TikToks in jail sometimes. Yeah, Drusky has all those guys doing that. He always looped in with like
a lot of like, um, it looks kind of like boys to men sort of like it looks like an a
a cappella group that went to jail. Right. You know, and they're all wearing schisties and
shit and they're all in there. You don't need the shysseysse. You're already in jail.
Yeah. But I think I would immediately try to
start an OF account. I would be
like, I'm already in jail. Like,
I would just jail. I would just
beat my shit every night in my cell.
Oh, I don't know. I think you get tired of that. You want to start reading.
Dude, trust me, let me just tell you. After a couple nights,
you're going to want to... If I was in jail. You're going to want to
tap into a good book. But just if I wanted to raise
enough money to pay for my bail.
Oh, for sure. If I'm in jail
and I want to get out. Yeah, no, no, no, I hear you.
I think that's always the answer. But if I'm in jail and I'm trying to meet my
bail and I need like
50K.
I don't know what the crime would be.
Type shit.
Yeah,
I'm showing meat to get some bread.
And are you jerking off
semi-regular or what?
Not really.
Wow.
Have you jerked off this year?
I thought you were going to say today.
No way, dude.
I'm not gay, dude.
Have you jerked off this year?
Yeah.
But it's only when I'm like in hotels.
This is the first time I've been in hotel.
Well, there hasn't been that much of this year.
I'm just saying.
So you're still jerking?
How many days in are we? Huh?
Not enough for you to win this argument.
I'm like a one-a-week guy, you know.
Yeah, I'm like a trash can.
I got to take the load out to the front yard every once in a while.
Well, here's the thing, dude.
I'll sometimes jerk off so I don't go do something else that's going to get me in trouble.
Yeah.
That's what I'll do.
It's like, if I'm feeling like, man, I want to go out and meet up with, like, go to a bar,
meet up with some people or do something that, you know, it could be more risky for me.
Sometimes I'll jerk off so I don't go do that.
Because it'll be like, oh, you know,
ain't doing shit, Whitey.
After I jerk off, that's kind of the voice that's in my head.
You ain't doing shit, you little wigger.
What's funny?
I had the same thought once I'm on tour.
I was single, but I've never been a guy who's wanted to be like,
if somebody DMs me after a show, I'm like, what's up?
You know, like, yeah, I say away from that.
I mean, I'll engage sometimes, but I'm not, I'm never like, hey, send me that,
yeah, no, that's crazy.
Send me a drawing of that kuder or whatever, you know.
Yeah, draw it on an IG story, make it a boomerang.
Make that shit breathe for me.
But, oh my God, you're out there, bro.
I'm never that guy.
I don't even say that in real life.
But you know the lingo dog.
You're in there.
Let it breathe, yeah.
I've been watching Drewski videos.
But I remember this exact moment.
It was in, like, I want to say Atlanta.
This was like a year or two ago.
But this girl DM was like trying to meet up.
And I'm like, I don't really do this.
But she was really attractive.
And she had them bangers and front acorns on her?
I don't know.
She's private.
She had a yard work on?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She could have been a dude for all I know, but...
Shorty had that yard work on her, huh?
Front, yeah, she had that reverse mullet
all top heavy, nothing in the back.
Yeah. But I remember I was like, no, Trevor,
don't do that. But there was a few messages back and forth.
And then I went to the bathroom, beat my shit.
And I was like, all right, we're good.
Yeah.
About an hour goes by.
And I fill back up testosterone.
I go, fuck it, what are you doing?
Uh-uh.
And, yeah.
Did she come over?
No.
It was too late.
Yeah.
But, like, getting the seat out only buys you about.
an hour of time. So, so I was like, you know what, you don't need this. Go jerk your shit
and have the rest of your night and go to sleep. Oh, for sure. But then I was up for another hour,
all of a sudden, back to the brim. Well, I would, you got to, you got to employ other forces, bro.
A lot of times I would jerk off. And then if I had to go eat, like, I would go eat like a bag of
bread or something or like half a bag of bread just because I'm not going to go. I feel like
it's better to have sex and eat a bag of bread. Well, for sure. But I mean, also you're creating
Just like somebody's coming over, you don't know what's going to go on, how late you got to be up.
But I would eat a bunch of bread or order a bunch of rolls up to my room and either like six or seven rolls or some toasted or some toasted bread.
It's almost like you'd give yourself a ton of bread and then go have sex.
Oh, interesting.
It's almost like you give yourself post no regret without doing it.
Oh, why do you like two or three burger patties?
Just something that would like be like, oh, I'm so glutton.
Like I'm not going to be all fat trying to have sex.
Chicken wings are a big one.
Or I'm just not going to be all like, I don't want to be having sex in here and the food.
like you bang around
and it's my stomach.
What's the funniest thing
you've ever eaten
before having a night
with somebody you've dated
or a lady?
Do you ever have like a meal
that comes to your mind?
No.
Really?
Like I remember one time
I went to a...
I had some probably good
like maybe small
like like unique little cookies
or something,
maybe something nice like that.
But you never had one of those
like I have a very specific memory
I went to a
God there's like three really good guitarist
right now.
What is his name?
He's like,
he's like,
like the big, he's probably been on the show.
String's, Billy Strings?
Billy Strings.
I was out day drinking all day and I was eating hot dogs day drinking with my friends, which is the
straightest thing you can do.
Then I went to a, met him with my dad, went to a Billy Strings concert.
Oh, he's playing next month at Bridgetown.
Wow.
Dude, he's iconic.
He's great.
He's so good life.
But I remember eating a bunch of hot dogs and chicken wings and then I went to Billy Strings
with my dad.
I had an edible and I went back to my place before his girl came over and I shit so hard.
like liquid.
And, and I was like, I'm about to shower
and then I get a text, hey, I'm here.
Not good.
I really had to wipe down.
I had to, you know.
The craziest is.
I should take my ass to a car wash.
Yeah, the craziest sometimes you're almost amazed
your ass can do all of that.
Yeah.
You're like, wow, all right.
But that's growing up, man.
That really is, yeah.
I was just trying to think, like, I feel like...
But no, I've never had a crazy meal before.
But you never, like, had, like, chicken wings
then like indulged in some,
some love making.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, but even that's a little...
But nothing that stood out crazy.
I've never had like any like,
you know, like something from India
or something that came through the mail.
And then I just like, oh, let me finish off
a quarter and a half of this
before I try and make love.
Never had like clam chowder than been in
someone else's clam with some chowder.
Come on, deal.
You never had like a crazy?
Bro, I have a funny-ass story about you.
We did a festival together
and Cal oh yeah where were we somewhere in Canada and you you were in your trailer we're hanging out and
it was me you and a couple people and we're all in conversation in the middle of the conversation
we're in your trailer you watch the bathroom blow it up did I blow it up you sure buddy I mean
you can cut this if you want but the it was like in a it was like in a the green room was a motorhome
trailer and the doors were thin and we heard we I mean it sounded like a
like you were kickstarting at F-350. I mean, it was loud. And then you walk right back out and you're like,
so what are you doing tonight? Wow. And I don't know, you can cut that if you want, but no,
I might have a long flight or something or who knows. Sometimes you exchange rate on your, oh yeah.
On your digestive tract? All the travel is. The travel is just like your, it's like your things are
small and big and you don't even know you eat two like small things on a plane and when you land,
they weigh more because of gravity. It was that one. It was Vancouver. Which Vancouver does
have a lot of Indian food, so maybe you got
spiked with a little bit of indie. I didn't know what
happened, dude. It was just a funny moment.
Oh, yeah. That's life.
That's all of us. What are we all going to
pretend like, dude, fucking three of those people
back there, guarantee one person back
there blew a bathroom up this morning. Yeah.
Can we get some confirmation?
Guilty. That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
People are shitting all the time. That's the craziest
thing. I can't believe that there's not a report
each day that tells you
about it more. Well, there's toilets now that can
remember when you've gone to the bathroom and
everything like that. There's that new cat
thing that if your cat, when your cat
goes to the bathroom, it'll let you know, it'll send you a thing
at work, like your cat is shit.
This is stupid, I hate it. It's called
Litter Robot. It's probably the worst app I've ever had.
My problem is these, everything has
cats. I'd won, but he'd be shitting.
But the thing
And you're getting updates about it? Oh, dude, I get
his bowel movements every day.
It's like, when Spotify rap dropped, I'm like,
I don't care who Drake is. I don't care who
your top artist is. It's like, you want
to know what day of the week of my cat
shit's the hardest it's Wednesday's brother it's it's it's but the
problem is everything catch shit every day uh I I want to say so I think they're like a
I don't know when they do maybe like nighttime or something but my problem with all
these apps is like they everything has an app now but but they're not being made by
good app like web developers yeah he's like what why do I gotta have a why do I have an
undercase uppercase lowercase password for my cat
to shit. I know.
Shit fires me out.
Well, I think it's hard because now with AI,
like you could just set an AI thing to just try and scramble to figure out somebody's
password and it could just do it infinitely, you know?
That's why there's a lot of fear these days.
But yeah, dude, some of that stuff.
What was that thing he was just shown with that cat?
The litter robot.
Yeah, it shows.
I get pulled it up right now.
Oh, I believe you, dude.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through all that.
It's just crazy that that's kind of where we are.
What's the newest thing you bought recently that fired you up?
not my i haven't really bought anything i've been kind of looking for a house but it's been like a slow look
same area yeah or like same like city yeah i want to live in the same area same city but it's just been
kind of tough there's been something that have come by but it's just like and then it's hard to go look
sometimes you get caught up at work and stuff like that but it's been good what uh what do you
what what what what kind of speech you in like new house i just want a little more space a little bit
like property kind of a little bit just a little bit more land not even a ton but just a little bit more
Would you have a farm?
I wouldn't mind maybe getting a couple animals or something.
I know my mom would like to have some animals,
so maybe I could keep some if she wanted to come out and see them sometimes.
That's cool.
I mean, it would be nice to have a couple horses and a dog.
A couple editors out there.
Yeah, a couple editors in the barn.
Roosters, donkeys.
Some guys cutting clips in the back.
Feeding him hay.
Feeding him prime energy.
With the animals, dude.
Dude, what did I just see?
What was that thing at Rogans?
I saw this thing.
Do you see this thing at Rogan's Club where the furies showed up
and we're protesting him?
Really?
No.
Furries?
Yeah.
See if you can find that.
Is this real?
Protesters gather outside
Joe Rogan's comedy
mothership in Austin.
Rogan is Diet,
Alec Jones,
never again is now.
What does that even mean?
That was Trisha Page's backup slogan.
What were they there for?
Does it say if you look in the comments
or anything?
This looks like a silent disco.
This is the worst protest I've ever seen.
Also,
it looks fun.
It does look fun
I mean they have a Cartman out there
Yeah
What was that?
Discover the protest at Joe Rogan's Connie Mothership
And Austin where critics gathered
To voice their opinions on the podcaster
Um
Well first of all this was on New Year's Eve
So these motherfuckers are lonely
Yeah that is so sad
What are you guys doing when the ball drops
We're gonna go protest the mothership
Is that even real?
I wonder then?
It looks like it could have just been a party
Outside of there.
Yeah I don't know
There's two people with the sign
How many people do you need
for it to be a protest, you know? Because at one point is, like, I'm curious about the guys who preach
the gospel out front of, like, you know, you go down to PPG arena and they're preaching
the gospel with a sign, but it's one guy is like, is that a protest or is he just schizophrenic?
That's a good point. Sometimes that's a guy just like soapbox kind of. Yeah, yeah. This says,
here, let me see, it says protesters gathered outside comedy, mothership in Austin on New Year's Eve,
2025 to criticize Joe Rogan and the club's owner and podcaster. They labeled him as a diet Alex
Jones comparing his views to one of the far right figure Alex Jones also based in Austin
critics blame Rogan for dominating Austin's comedy scenes since opening the club in
2023 sideline local video venues like Cold Town Theater and capital city comedy club
yeah I don't know oh some of the demonstrators were inflatable costumes like unicorns
dinosaurs and cows which is also Rogan's diet plus an Eric Cartman impersonator from
South Park while holding up signs such as never
again is now. Why is he talking
about Yoda? I don't get the never again is now
thing. I don't know, but I think you're right when you
said that it's Trisha Bates' second
slogan. It's a great idea.
I don't know, man. That's bizarre.
Fellas, you already know what
time it is. Look at your watch.
Time to knock on wood.
Blue Chew!
Blue Chew just dropped
something crazy. I'm talking
next level championship belt
gold-plated energy.
Blue Chewold, gold.
The newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand.
Let's get that little lump lurking.
This ain't your grandpapa's blue pill.
This is the four-and-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance.
Yep, blue-chew gold.
It dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes.
That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer.
Extra minutes.
Elevation without hesitation.
Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com.
And we've got a special deal for our listeners.
Get 10% off your first month of Blue Chew Gold with code Theo.
That's promo code Theo.
Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.
And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.
namaste
hard
What uh
What uh
What oh I saw your
You went to the Rams game
You did you get that
I got big in football
I'm I'm locked in
I used to be a guy like three years ago
That was like oh you like sports
Get a real personality bud
Get a hobby
Do open nights
But like I got invited to a Rams game
A couple years ago
Maybe like two years ago
And I just
It clicked
And I just started
You know
It started by me
Just going to games
And then it started
it by me like, you know, like watching the game on your phone.
Oh, yeah.
And you're like,
a divorce court.
And you're like just kind of watching it.
But over time,
you just kind of get locked in.
And it's just like,
now I'm all about it.
Like,
I don't miss a game.
I was just at the Rams game on Sunday against the Cardinals.
And like,
now to the point where it affects my day.
I'm fully in.
I was like in denial.
But like it's kind of like with like nicotine or something.
We're like,
I'm not going to get dick.
Dude,
not me.
Not me.
I'm built different.
And then it's,
you know,
you have one before breakfast.
But yeah,
I did the chant at the Rams game, like the Who's House chant?
Was that scary?
What was that vibes like?
You know, it was a lot of fun.
I think I was definitely more amped up.
Let's see it.
Pull it up.
But I think just performance and standing is just, this is just another gig.
Right, you're kind of used to that part.
So the nerves aren't there.
But I guess off the acoustics, all that would be kind of scary.
Well, I will say, it's like EDM and sports.
Like, they just cheered anything.
Like, I did a gig opening,
opening lightly, I say, for Dylan Francis.
You know, Dylan?
Years ago at Hard Summer, I went up as like a fake DJ before his set, the headlining set.
So when I went up there, there was like a character and was like, what the fuck is up, Coachella?
And it was at a different music venue.
And like, they just cheered.
Like, they were just happy.
Like they don't even care.
They hear somebody making noise in a mic.
I could have went up and went, I la ac, but.
And they're like, yeah.
Yeah.
So like that same kind of energy that I got from that crowd was the same I got at the Rams when I'm just like, you yell who's house.
Like you're just going to get good feedback.
So,
dude,
and it's nice to,
it is nice to be a fan of something.
Like I became a fan of Vanderbilt.
I've been a fan of LSU and,
and I cheer for the balls.
But it's like,
it's just nice to be a fan of something.
It makes you,
gives you something to be kind of invested in.
Absolutely.
Let's see this.
Let's see this Who's House part.
Is it in here?
I can throw 40 yards.
Who's house?
It's so awkward just seeing it.
They got to cut to.
look like the Seahawks logo.
Yeah, try to sneak a quick joke in there.
Oh, you do look like Seahawks logo
from the side right there.
And you had your own celebration, too.
I saw the, what was the...
Did I?
What was that celly that he had?
Oh, this is, this is dumb.
This is insane, dude.
Sometimes I just pose something,
and I'm like, man, fuck it.
Because those are the ones that, like, that'll either...
That's hilarious, right.
That'll either flop or do, like, whatever.
But I saw this.
That's an insane touchdown celebration.
Yeah, it's.
Dude, John Moran. Can we pull up his
buckets? You know John Moran? Yeah.
For the Grizzlies? Oh, yeah, we're in
Tennessee. His celebrations, I can't stop talking about how
dude, they're the funniest things in the world.
The grenade? I haven't even
noticed a lot of them. Have you seen them? Dude,
when he makes like a three, he does the grenade,
throws it and then covers his ears. I mean, you have to
get him on the pod. The grenade covers the ears.
That is pretty clutch, bro.
doing one that's like a rocket launcher, but then he gets fine for every single one of these.
He did a rocket launcher.
So now his new one is he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this.
He holsters it and goes like, no fines here.
Dude, it's, I like, it's so funny to me.
He doesn't give a fuck, huh?
No.
And he's getting fined like probably like 10 or 30K like for this.
But when you're making that much, I just don't know.
He puts a gun away, holsters it.
Put it down.
There we go.
And that's protecting gun violence.
It's legendary, dude.
It's just funny, man.
I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there.
So he may need that weapon when he leaves a facility.
It's kind of crazy.
The one place that should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellies is there.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, it depends on the team.
If you're on the Warriors, okay, that's enough.
Yeah.
You just tweet about it, you know, just hit up Zuck.
I'm like, this is going to bullying me online.
But if you're in Memphis, yeah, you need at least like a bow and error or the RPG.
Yeah, I think he deserved that.
What is Memphis like?
I'm going on there my tour.
Memphis is awesome, dude.
It has so much history.
It's just gotten this kind of,
it's gotten like a lot of,
it's got a lot of danger downtown at night
and in just different areas.
And it makes it kind of a bummer
because you can't go enjoy,
like the vibes that are there.
Grace Land is really great if you get to go see Elvis's house.
Okay.
It's great.
I've heard about that.
It's great.
It's worth going to see.
And that's where,
wait, hold on.
I'm really dumb.
Elvis lived in Memphis or Grace Land is on the outskirts of Memphis.
It's in Memphis,
and Elvis live there.
Elvis is Memphis?
Oh, he was probably clapping BBWs.
I mean, I don't know what it was like back then, man,
but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything.
I mean, Memphis used to be so great.
Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in,
like every day at, like, I think 4 p.m., the duckmaster brings in the ducks.
Is it a military thing?
No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there.
The famous Peabody Ducks at the Peabody Hotel.
No, I've never heard of this.
Yeah.
The Peabody Ducks are the resident Mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel,
known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11 a.m.
And back to their rooftop Duck Palace at 5 p.m.
The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend,
after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain, delighting guests.
Hmm.
Okay.
What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck.
Yeah.
Oh, it could be just a couple of...
It could be a couple brothers named Doug.
But these are the actual ducks.
You have people come in.
And the Duckmaster walks him in,
and the Duckmaster live in the hotel up top.
Is you really?
Yeah.
It's a beautiful place.
And they got a great place there
where they sell like replica suits
that Elvis used to wear.
I got one last time that I was over there.
Oh, wow.
It was pretty cool.
Yeah, I'm going to do a lot of places
I've never been on my tour.
And Memphis is definitely one of them.
Oh, it's going to be good.
Yeah, there's great people there.
It's great shows.
It's just they got this,
they got like, I don't know,
it just gets a little bit tragic over there
and kind of shooty.
that's the thing.
It gets shooty at night.
But there's a ducks.
Like a chance of precipitation.
Yeah.
From a luger.
People popping off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's unfortunate.
But yeah,
that bust nuts.
Selly, dude,
that shit's nice, man.
Yeah, that's crazy.
When do you think the first person
that ever busted a nut actually was,
do you think?
Can you pull that up?
Wasn't it Adam?
Huh?
Was it Adam?
No, Adam Lambert?
No.
Like,
naive?
Or are they even real?
Yeah.
Adam Neve.
They had to have been.
Somebody had to say it.
I mean,
I don't think.
we should go down that road right now.
But we can, but it just finally take a long time.
The earliest recorder references to ejaculation in human history
appear in ancient Sumerian and Egyptian myths
from around 2,500 to 24.
It was the Somalis.
These texts describe, these texts describe God creating rivers,
deities, and the world through acts of masturbation
and seminal omission.
I wonder how many people called out of work the next day
once they found out about masturbation.
Oh, this
It's like in middle school
When like a new video game would drop
And you'd be like be home sick
The next day
I'm like cod dropped
Oh, if a good game drop
Man, I miss it
Dude, that shit was so nice
You play any video games?
Not right now
I'm been playing them man
I wouldn't mind
Oh, I do play
I played Breath of the Wild
And I played whatever
The second one was
I'm not sure I know that
What was the second one
It was on Switch?
Oh yeah, you're a Switch guy
Yeah, I like Switch
Cause I can kind of keep
with me on the go
Oh, tears of the kingdom
The second one was not good
It was just too involved
It was like, bro, I don't have time
You had to heat everything
It was like too many things
Like the first thing you have to warm up your food
It's like okay, I'll spend a little bit of time doing that
But this one you had to like heat up your
Like if you wanted your thing to fly you
To warm up these days
It just was way too
It was like dude what the fuck
I have a job you know
And shouldn't you want me to have a job
Like how much time would you want?
you want me to spend here.
It felt like they wanted you to spend so much time there.
It felt kind of unfair.
Okay.
I'll avoid it.
So that's what I kind of felt like.
It does it kind of chill, though, the flying.
When does someone's nut actually bust?
What is that about?
You know what I'm saying?
You hear about it, but what's like the exact, like what is the actual, like what's
like the NASCAR, they wave the flag to go?
Yeah.
When is that?
When is that?
When is the nut, when is the nut actually bust?
If you can look that up.
Is it fast-
Without us being on a list also?
Oh, yeah.
But is it like, you know, like the speed of light?
Like, do you think there's something called like the speed of nut?
I mean, it's right there.
It has to be something.
Because it's really how creation started.
I mean, they're saying right there that it's like in ancient text that that's how like
the creation of rivers and lands and even people started.
How many miles per hour is it?
I think that would be something.
Let's learn.
A nut bust is slang for ejaculation during masturbation or sex.
It refers to the moment of.
orgasm when semen is released.
The phrase emerged in the 1930s
with nuts, meaning testicles
since the 1800s.
It evolved to describing climaxing
explosively.
People use it interchangeably,
and this is via perplexity, thank you.
People use it interchangeably with bust a nut,
often in casual or explicit talk
about male orgasms.
It applies specifically to masturbation
in context like solo sessions.
What do you,
do you call it,
bust the nut or you got something fun like release the hounds um i do that like that uh one two one two
three release them yeah i do that i do that count down yeah that five six seven eight i do that
i do that chocolate stud that lady that sings at the funerals you know no who's this you didn't see her
maybe oh this is someone i love right here oh dude i got i got i show you this song you don't know this
speaking of grandma uh uh uh play okay this is the oh i do know this oh i do know this
I bet the other dead bodies are like type shit.
It's kind of good.
There's a truck going by.
That's a funeral, bro.
That's how it is.
That is like, that's a Hall of Fame stud suit right there.
And they need to hang that up somewhere in a bowling alley.
Some people thought this was Nate Robinson, dude.
There you go right there.
Yo.
The balloon is hard.
And she gets tired everywhere now.
Shout out to her.
What's her name as well?
Really?
She gets hired everywhere.
Everywhere now.
She's blown up.
She's about to get
the fucking triple
bookings after this podcast
drop.
She's blown up.
She sings.
What does she charge for this?
The release them was hard.
That was literally like
the smoke at like a DJ set.
Oh, yeah.
That was sick, man.
Nisi Robinson.
Release him.
She really popped off.
One, two,
three, release them.
I wish that heaven had a phone
to call you up.
Man,
that's the truth, bro.
And that's,
I think,
her own song, isn't it?
I heard a song last night.
It's so good.
It's about a great.
grandma dying on Instagram Reels.
What is it?
Can you type in Miami something,
Bazooka? Bro, it's the funniest song.
It's so good.
It's an AI song?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, it's a real dude.
But it's getting a lot of play right now.
Let's hear it.
This shit is hard.
It might be my walkout song.
Ooh, pull up. I love this.
Yeah.
I got to get a new walkout.
Or place on my funeral with the balloons.
I hope it don't die for a long time, though.
Type shit.
Kind of a build-up.
Tennessee type shit.
Bazuka
Kablo
K'blau
K'em
Wait for it
But rest of peace
My granny
She got hit by a basooka
Every time I hit
Honestly
Honestly
If my grandma
Highlights
I mean like that's kind of a sick way to go out
Well there's only so many ways to go out
Well there's only so many ways to go
bro. I've always said once I die
I want my body to be shot out of a cannon
into a school yard of kids that are playing. They don't know
I'm coming. Really? Right? Shot over the
fence or whatever, right? Oh, your
body or are cremated? My body, no.
Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first kids that come up
and touch my body gets everything
that I have. That's like a Mr. Beast games. Yeah.
Or you should be like a field goal.
Like for Vanderbilt. Like, your body
gets shot through the T-shirt cannon for it.
I think it would be cool
if you got put into a special thing in a T-shirt canon
and they shot you out or something.
they should do shit like that.
It's like,
I've been preaching this for a minute.
Like,
there's so many cool,
like,
Jenna reveals where they do,
like,
all this stuff,
but you've never seen,
like,
a viral cremation.
Like,
I'm sick and talk,
like,
I've been writing a bit about it,
but, like,
I want my ashes to get blown
out of the exhaust of,
like a Ford F350.
And I want to do half and half.
Top part cremated,
bottom half,
open casket.
Like,
I want to do half and half.
Come to see that jump.
Yes, sir.
I love that.
But,
but, like, nobody's doing fun stuff
with, like,
oh, let's go to Mount Rushmore.
So she can be close to an old president.
Yeah.
And I've been there and it's not that great.
They do have good ice cream.
But yeah, it's not worth going all the way to drop your ashes.
I agree.
Do something great.
Surprise people at a party.
There you go.
Do this Civil War type shit.
Shoot me out of a cannon.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Where are you getting your ashes blown out?
I don't know.
It's a good question.
It's like...
Honestly, like a strip coat would be far.
Just like doing it with ashes.
Let John Morant throw them out.
He would do it, dude.
He has all those famous
like strip club scenes.
Go back to the other thing though.
This is good.
Ejaculation speed varies,
but sources cite average speeds
around 27 to 28
miles per hour.
That's like two bird scooters.
Or up to 45 kilometers per hour
while sperm itself can move faster,
sometimes reaching 70 kilometers an hour.
Though it slows significantly
inside the female reproductive track,
women will slow anything down.
Spees are measured in burst
during contractions.
That's the damn,
makeup all I always think about this like but average ejaculation around 27 to 28 miles per hour bro
I think I like if it was a baseball I feel like I could hit it how fast is that I feel like I could
hit that yeah because 27 miles in a yeah you could hit it if somebody threw a bunch of sperm
at you you could hit it because in the MLB if you're a 90 gay weirdo you could fucking
but I'm thinking if it was a fast ball oh I just say ball and just catch it that's the gay
I was just thinking
Well
This shit is already really gay
Like I low-key want to like drive a car
27 miles an hour down the street right now
Just so I can comprehend how fast it is
Well I will say this if you got on the very hood
Say somebody drove it
27 miles an hour you get on a hood
And you get your wiener just above the front of the hood
And you bust
For a...
Like a Buick?
Or say you go about 25 miles an hour
Yeah if you bust
It should kind of stay in front of you guys
Just a little bit
Now that would be pretty awesome to see.
That's something you guys just start doing, man.
You could use that to raise money for the military.
They just start doing that for like dude perfect.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
Because dude, you're already perfect.
You're fucking shooting these bitches off of the mall.
You're shooting them off from like a burning shopping mall.
Yeah.
Into like a children's daycare.
And then you speed up and it gets all over you.
No, but dude, you're already perfect.
Those guys are already perfect.
Somebody tell them they're doing hook shots from like the, from like.
Did it hook shakers from Ukraine?
Yeah, from Ukraine.
and landing them like in Russia
like you're doing great dude
like yeah
it should just be called dudes done it
they've done it yeah you've done it so start doing other cool shit
what is this ma'am flips over Corvette
driving at 30 miles per hour okay let's watch it
I got people on the bus
and Matt
wow it sound like it hit his legs
it's something hit
if that's even real
he did a fliper
yeah that
regardless is pretty cool
Is there an exact moment that the nut actually busts?
And does it take longer to come out with a bigger hog?
Because it's got more travel space.
Or does that propel it like a slide?
Like a long...
Shouldn't you already know that?
I don't study hogs.
That's true.
But like if...
I'll tell you it doesn't.
No?
It's the same speed?
I think so.
I've never seen a small hog do it.
But wouldn't have to travel more?
Penis size doesn't directly dictate ejaculation time.
Some studies link larger.
glands volume of faster ejaculation
while others, nothing to see here, Trevor.
Damn.
While others findings like those are
Yeah, I don't think it matters that much, man.
I'm gonna tell that to a woman.
But you, hey, you wanna see something travel
at 27 to 28 miles an hour in a minute?
That's not a bad line.
It's not that at all.
What do you think we get at the 30?
Hey, come over, you want to see this.
You know, speed gun.
You ever meet someone?
Yeah, you want to use this cop gun on this?
Cock gun.
You ever meet somebody and wonder, like,
how are you the sperm that made it?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Oh, you realize there was a slim group of racers.
Oh, yeah.
They were racing on an off day.
Yeah.
Or there must have been like some bad weather that day.
But like sometimes I'm like, how are you that the sperm cell that beat everyone else?
Oh, yeah.
There's some people that shouldn't be people.
Yeah.
There's some people that shouldn't be people for sure.
Whose top three people you would like to take out or that don't need to be people?
Oh.
And they can be a type of person.
Or not like a race, but like a like a, like something.
Somebody who works at like a...
Let me think.
Like a barista or something.
Probably...
This gay dude that gave my friend
a high on like maneuver
when we were high on LSD
at a Walfa House where kids.
He did too much.
He wasn't even choking.
We don't know if he was.
Clocking him from the back.
I mean, he did a lot.
It was a lot.
Really? Tell me about that.
He was choking.
Yeah, we were on LSD.
We went there.
and we saw a black gay guy we'd never seen it before so we didn't even know what to do right we were like
this isn't uh coventon yeah and we're like no way or whatever you know we're freaking out
and we're already freaking out we're like you know we're probably lsd lsd wafel house just sitting
there rattling how'd you know he was uh a little he seemed yeah he was wearing like flare and shit
they didn't even have flare really like he was wearing like a lot of like a like exciting flare
like light up shoes yeah just shit that was like yeah like his whole fucking
like his dick was probably glow in the dark or whatever, you know.
So you could just feel like it felt like something warm was coming out of his pants.
Like if you got close to you, it felt like it's warm in the front of his pants.
Yeah, okay, I hear you.
But anyway, yeah, my friend started choking, I think.
And also we were laughing so hard because we're just so high.
And he started hemlicking him and he just kept doing it.
It was crazy, dude.
And I was laughing so hard.
I was like tears were flying out of my.
I couldn't even, I couldn't even try to save my friend.
I was like laughing.
And then I just pulled up.
And my friend was kind of smiling.
mall and he just kept doing it to him.
But anyway.
But you'd take him out.
I think we should have a talk.
Okay.
I think things, you know, that was kind of a lot.
I saw that you just went to Africa, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was pretty fun.
Were you touring over there?
No.
No.
You go with your girl?
No, it was with my family.
I was literally just, it was one of the things that were like a year ago, my mom
texts a family group chat, which is a pretty boring chat.
Someone's got to spice it up.
My mom just texting goes, hey, would you guys want to go to Africa?
as a family.
Like, I was like, yeah, I'm down.
And then it comes like nine months later, like, hey, you got to get these shots.
Like, you're going.
Like, this is a thing.
And I'm like, oh, fuck, this is actually happening.
And yeah, I got like five shots.
And then went with family just a bunch of safari stuff.
And it was pretty cool.
I mean, like, glad you did?
Yeah, definitely.
I think it was fun just being, because I haven't done like a family trip in like over a
decade.
So it was fun to just be with my parents and my sister for the first time.
like actually doing something in a while.
Yeah.
But it's so funny that it's like my brain is so brain around.
There's like literally a lion eating a zebra in front of me.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like you can see this on reels.
Right.
Like it was definitely cool.
It was very surreal seeing because the safaris are all at, I don't even know.
Were you guys in Kenya?
Where'd you go?
Yeah, Kenya.
Savo Amaseli, which one?
Do you guys want to go to one of those?
I'm not sure which one, but we were in kind of like all around the like outskirts of Nairobi.
And it's like each one would be like three hours.
So all these are like kind of in like sanctuaries where the hotel is and then you travel around the hotel.
But traveling from kind of hotel to the hotel, that's really where you see like the real,
real side of Africa.
And that was like very, I want to say like probably the best sense of community I've ever seen.
Like everybody's just outside doing something.
Oh, I went on a hot air balloon.
That was the same.
Have you ever been on a hot air balloon?
No, I don't know if I have.
It's, oh, you'd know.
It's, it was honestly the coolest thing I've ever done.
It was like, what's crazy is when the fire is going to propel you,
it's loud as hell, but when it's not, it's dead silent.
And this is at like 7 a.m.
So you're just sitting there in the sky and silence.
But yeah, seeing the communities were, was so interesting because...
Dude, that's sick.
Everybody's outside.
Everybody's, like, nobody's really, like, hanging on their phones, which...
Well, some people might not have phones, and they don't have air conditioning, too.
Yeah.
But, like, just...
But it's also part of the culture just being alive and, like, seeing what's going on.
But everybody was either, like, no matter where you were going, there was just people just, like, walking.
There's always some that...
I don't know, man.
It's just...
It was really a cool perspective to see.
Like, like, I'm seeing elephants
like this close in front of me,
and I'm like acting like this is normal.
Yeah.
Dude, that's beautiful, man.
It was actually really beautiful.
And I had a great time.
I'm trying to think about funny stuff
that happened out there, if any.
That's amazing.
And do they have a lot of the, like,
wiggas over there or anything like that?
Or is it not that?
Just me, but not that I...
No, I mean...
Because that's where they would really be at.
Because otherwise,
that's kind of an American thing.
thing then I guess.
I don't know if I saw
like any like
because that's where the local white people
but I'm just saying they gotta have some
and if they do are some of them
you know.
Well I think they go there in disguise
taking notes and then
bring it back over here? Yeah.
They're like a secret spy
for back home. What about MGK
you think he's one or no? I think
graduated.
Yeah, once you put like a paper clip in as an earring
I think you've graduated.
I think he's emmerman is one.
Is he?
I don't know.
I'm not super familiar with his music, but I know he's very popular.
Yeah.
Who else out there is?
I don't know.
But I'm just saying if they don't have a mayor, then it's an American thing or it's a British thing.
What are we talking about?
Whiggas.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
I was trying to think about other artists who might get allegations.
Oh, no, I'm just saying, I mean, Elton John was kind of one, even though he never.
Was he really?
I think he was kind of just from his style, for sure.
Elton John was a wig.
things.
I think he's more on
like the Wiggles side of thing.
Well, I mean,
I think it's very close.
Yeah.
If you wiggle enough,
a brother will show up,
you know?
So I think like,
you wiggle enough
somebody's gonna cornrow your hair
and light a fucking blunt for you.
Who's the OG?
Would you say?
Oh, the OGs?
I mean, there's...
Would it be Elvis?
Ooh, it's a good call.
Michael Rappaport was kind of one,
I think, in his day.
For sure.
Who's that guy,
Gianni?
Johnny.
He's the front runner.
He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, for sure.
We go to the USC fights all the time.
He is high.
Every time I see a photo of him, his chains get bigger and bigger.
Either he's stolen her and stolen her.
That's the crazy.
Oh, yeah.
He gets them stolen?
Yeah, this shit has been fucking.
Dude, I like, we're boys on Instagram.
I've never met him in real life.
But every time I see him, he's flexing more and more money.
I'm like, how many episodes of power were you on?
The best, bro.
He's going to need some power to fuck it.
He's going to need some power to keep people off his chains.
They get snatched like that?
I think it happens a lot within the culture.
It's part of the culture.
It's kind of like...
Well, he almost seems like a sting operation.
It's like capture the flag kind of.
Some people say he's a Fed.
Some people say snitched on Diddy?
Did he?
I don't know.
But I've just heard a lot of that shit.
Some people say he's a Fed.
I mean, look at him.
But he's got to be like the Heisman for that community.
I think if you had...
Every year, they should Heisman up a wig out, I think.
Yeah.
And I think...
Who do they got for 2025?
I think this guy is a candidate.
Him.
I think you put MGK in there, though.
I don't think,
MGK is kind of his own thing, though.
I would say...
He's just multifaceted.
I think he's, you know...
I think Rife's up, though,
a little bit.
Fresh off, wild and out a little bit.
Oh, Matt Rife, definitely.
He definitely...
With the abs, you can't have great abs and not be wigging.
Now he's more kind of like...
I think Rife has wiga in him.
Yeah.
Or H-dub hidden wiga, they call it.
I'm trying to think of who else.
Oh, maybe that...
Oh, Dan Bongino.
Oh, yeah.
Tim Walls.
Tim Dillon, maybe.
Tony the Tiger probably.
That guy that was in, uh, salt.
Salt burn?
Salt burn, but not the main guy.
Barry Keoghogan?
Barry Keogan.
Is he?
I could see it.
He's Irish.
Almost all Irish people are.
All right.
Yeah, I feel like there's some obvious ones that I'm missing.
Oh, I thought that was a picture of damn, uh, I think Shalema is a little bit.
He could, low-key, have some in him.
I thought this was a picture of,
of, who are those lion tamers
in Vegas? Penanteller?
No.
Fuck.
I thought that was Sigrid and Roy.
Oh, I thought that was like
Sigmund Freud.
Oh, I didn't know, dude.
But no, it's, I'm just glad to know
what's happening out there.
Dude, did you see in,
when speed, I show speed, race
that Cheetah?
Mm-mm.
Dude.
Did he beat it?
Pulled it up.
How fast are Cheetah's running?
Because the real speed is,
what can go faster?
A cheetah or nut?
We'll find out right now.
Let's see that.
We're about to race some cheetah.
Come on, baby.
What the fuck?
You see that?
It scratched him.
What the fuck?
Wait, I'm lost.
Dang.
Wait, so how fast was, he said 110 miles an hour.
That's just not real.
It said the cheetah hit up to 92 miles an hour at some point.
I don't know if that was, I mean, these are all edits.
But still, the fact that he raced a cheetah is wild.
What's an animal you could race and beat, you think?
Rooster.
But if they're not flying.
They're only running.
They can't fly.
But they can like kind of jump start a little bit.
They go nine miles an hour.
Yeah, I could beat it.
I don't know nine miles.
Do you can you run nine miles in an hour?
Throughout the day, yeah.
Well, that's not throughout the day, bro.
It's in one hours.
You only get one hour.
He only give one part of a day.
Nine miles in an hour.
And they can briefly reach up to 15 miles an hour when they're flapping their wings.
Me too.
I could beat a, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's crazy.
I could beat a rooster off like a 40-yard dash if he's not using.
using his wings.
What about you?
I don't know.
I'm trying to think of an animal
that I could read
like,
I think anything
at Petco, that's not true.
Anything that's cage
at a Petco.
A pony I could beat.
Pony?
Oh, I don't know.
The small ponies are quick.
No, ponies are fast.
That's a good question.
What's a good animal I could be?
Probably something that's been using.
Yeah, what, what animals
can we see what animals
run beneath 10 miles per hour?
Yeah.
Because I think I can run
10 miles an hour for,
a minute 30. So I don't know what that math is, but I could do that.
Many animals run below two miles on sloths,
giant tortoises, koalas, banana slugs, snails.
These all suck. First of all, what the hell is under the manatees?
What the hell's a woodcock? Yeah, I'll fight a woodcock.
What is that?
I don't know. That's a good question.
That's who should be starting the OF in the military.
American Woodcock. Oh, yeah. I'll race that.
I'll race that thing. Look at the fucking beer belly on that thing.
Oh, yeah. He needs to lay up the lot.
I'll race the balls off of that little midget.
I'll raise the balls off.
That little air twink.
Look at that thing.
I'll fucking,
bro, I'll serve some seed right out of my fucking weaner to that thing.
Dude, would you let that thing fucking reach into your weaner to get a piece of seed?
Look at that.
Look at that spout on him.
I feel like that would hurt.
But if I was under anesthesia, I guess.
What?
Like, if they were already like, like, like, if they were already like, like, like, if I had to
to Kornoscopy and they're already like doing that.
You're like, I'd let him fucking just sniff in there
for a second and see what's going on, bro.
It's like the canary in the coal mine.
Yes, sir.
Well, I think he should be doing more
kind of the gyno stuff.
Like, the contraptions they have to use
to check out the insides of a woman.
I mean, they seem so industrial.
They seem like they found it in a warehouse
and like a GMC in like 1960s.
It's like a clamp.
It also feels like disrespectful to the woman.
We're like, yeah, we just got to go and open up in there.
this is a trans am
yeah like they use one of those things
that they used to use to like
lift your car up
yeah
but like that's
to keep a fire going
you know
like sometimes they'll use like an accordion
you know like
I know it's tough
it's definitely ridiculous
oh we don't need to look at all that
that's crazy
well it's also
yeah
that bird is kind of what it's replicating
I feel like
that bird does the ginos of the nest
that bird's a party bird
um
did you see the
uh
you saw six nine
going to the same prison as Maduro. Did you see that?
He's in there with Luigi, Diddy, Maduro. I don't know
if that's true, but I saw it on a meme.
That's crazy.
But I guess it makes sense they keep mall in the same prison.
Let me see what the 6-9 of Maduro in the same deal.
Arrested President Maduro and his wife.
That's crazy, right?
All right, so it's mad thing. So I got the call.
I love for he's doing PR for jail.
He's like doing a podcast run to promote jail.
Somebody texts me saying that they
think that when they sent me to
when they sent me to
prison on Tuesday
me and Maduro is going to be in the same unit
But do you think he's going to prison for
PR? Like why is he even... What is he going on? What charges
is he there for? That's a great question. What charges he there for? I wonder if he'd be a
good guest whenever he gets out, you think? Yeah. Have you ever met him?
Mm-mm. I never met him.
Rapper Takashi 6-9
has faced various charges primarily stemming from his association with
the nine tray bloods.
What's he going to jail for right now?
And jail sentences in early 2026.
Received another three-month sentence for new violations,
including having cocaine and ecstasy in his Miami home
and punching a man who taunted him.
Well, sometimes you got to do that.
But damn, yeah, I think it could be interesting
just to see what his life is like and stuff.
They should give him, like, a Twitch stream from jail.
Yeah.
If he's on a run here.
That'd be wild.
Well, I just feel like everything is going to start merging.
They're going to have to start funding.
Like, if the government can't keep things going to, everything is going to have to be
funded kind of privately or by people or by like, you know, so I wouldn't be surprised
if you start to see, like, Twitter streams from jail.
I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see, like, the Army or the military start to, like,
have stream or have content, right?
I just think that that stuff's going to kind of grow a lot, you know?
Like, I'll be on TikTok live just, and it'll just pop up.
And there's, like, always, and if you're,
chronically online, you've seen this, on TikTok, they'll just show, like, a bar.
Like, it's just, like, behind the bartender, and he's just working, and there's just a bar.
Yeah.
For what?
And they're, like, monetizing that.
They're just showing security camera of places.
Yeah.
And just getting money from it.
Oh, dude, I used to watch, like, uh, these, like, in, like, different funerals from different
countries.
Like, you could watch, like, Indian funerals and stuff.
And they'd have streams of it and, like, on YouTube or, like, just long clips of it.
Yeah.
You can just watch, like, it's, it's, it's neat to have kind of, like, a, um,
just like a thing you can just watch
it just blows my mind like the effect of live
like if somebody was like hey here's a 20 minute video
I don't want to watch that but they're like here's a stream
you'll end up watching 20 minutes
like in the blink for an eye well let's go
a little bit more to that prison who else was in there
who else has been in there? Is there
Hasbula in there? Hall of fame
Was he in or out of jail? He's got those Rico charges
Hasbula? Yeah doesn't he? He's a twin sister
you know that? No I didn't know this
Hasbula has a twin sister
Yes Hasbula Magamadov was arrested
in his native Dagestan in May 2020 for traffic violations.
Of course, any...
He couldn't reach the pedals.
Yeah, what are we even talking about?
Including blocking a road and doing donuts with friends while celebrating a wedding.
Bro, put him in a waymo and call the day.
First of all, you have to know that if he gets into a car,
just shut the road down for a couple minutes.
Lessons of Fisher Price, what car was he whipping in?
He was released under house arrest after being granted bail.
and had to wear an ankle monitor around his neck.
No way.
They just turned him into a Rottweiler.
Do you think being on house arrest?
I made that part up.
He later apologized for the incident stating he wasn't driving
and promised it wouldn't happen again.
I love that in their country there's such a code of honor,
you can just at least promise that it won't happen again.
That's awesome.
I mean, do you think being on a house rest as a smaller person is like nice?
I bet it's kind of nice,
especially for a busy guy like him
because he just gets a little bit of time to himself.
Al Sharpton's locked up.
Notable inmates that have been held at MDC, Brooklyn.
Oh, oh, oh, it has been.
Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn has gained significant notoriety for housing
in an unusually high concentration of high-profile federal defendants,
including Maduro, Luigi Mangione, Diddy, R. Kelly, Sam Bankman-Fried,
Chap El Chapo, Michael Cohen, Gielaine, Maxwell, Martin Schrelli,
and Al Sharpton.
Wow.
If you care,
it's San Bankman Freed.
Sam Bankman Freed.
I just thought it was funny
that he named him
like his two last names
with the two things that he was.
He was like this bank man
and then he was also fried all the time.
It's right there.
So to me it was like the most perfect.
He's in jail for...
What did he do again?
He might be out now.
Sam Brinkman...
I mean, so I am there.
He was convicted and sentenced
to 25 years in prison
while orchestrating massive fraud
at his crypto exchange,
FTC, found guilty of seven counts
including wire fraud,
conspiracy to commit fraud.
Yep, he's in there.
So he'll be in there for a while.
I feel like the NFT people are kind of,
like NFTs got so swept under the rug,
but there was so many people who pulled massive money from that
and just kind of, they made like NFC like clubs and MTV like.
And then that all just disappeared.
Yeah, and nobody talks about it.
Did you see the new, this is the new way that they're thinking
that incarceration could happen?
This is with AI and technology.
This is fascinating.
See if you can find that story of the pods.
What is this?
Yes.
The future of incarceration.
This is no longer about us, honestly. I think it's too late, but it's about our generations to come.
Your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren. There is a company called Cognify.
If you Google it and watch their video, and it's the future of incarceration, it's what it's titled.
With this Cognify system, let's say you do a crime, or maybe you act out against the government, or you have a belief system that is not consistent with the country that you live in, and you are prosecuted for a crime by their definition.
You will then get an opportunity that you, let's just use this for hypothetical, a measly petty theft.
You can spend 50 years in prison or you can go through the Cognify process, which in three minutes, they will imprint memory sets.
So let's say there was someone who was even harmed by the crime that you did.
You will be able to feel the emotions of your victim, the emotions that the family members went through, all of that.
You will be forced to have the empathy.
And you will feel like you've been imprisoned for 25 years or whatever it may be, but it's only three minutes.
Fuck that.
They need that shit
for when my girlfriend
comes up to me
after she had our period
the next day
and goes,
I'm so sorry about last night.
I'm on my period.
Okay, well,
you need to feel
what I was feeling
last night for getting yelled at.
Get into the Cognify machine.
But dude,
eventually if they have an at home
when that'd be crazy.
But this is saying,
this is like reverse ice bathing.
Like, sit in this and feel awful
about yourself.
But this is saying that
if you did a crime
and if you could have,
I'm guessing it's probably
something you'd have to afford.
If you could afford
to Cognify,
then you'd be able to go
and serve your sentence
incognify, you would have all the things that would really feel like in your brain had happened.
And in five minutes, you could do 20 years, dude.
Because, like, one, you could pay off the guy who hits the buttons.
And then there's like, all right, here we go.
And you're like, oh, ooh, ow.
It's hurting.
Well, I mean, I think here it says, Cognifies a futuristic prison concept proposed by scientist
Hasham al-Ga-Gai.
He's the newest member of FaceClant, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
that uses AI and brain implants to replace long sentences with brief intense rehabilitation.
So it's almost like an EMDR, but extremely deep into your brain.
AI generated memories, artificial vivid memories are created by AI to simulate the impact
of a crime on victims.
Dude, this should be crazy.
Inmates experience years of remorse and understanding in a short time allowing for quicker
release and reintegration.
I mean, it kind of makes sense because that's what you're supposed to be there for.
I just wonder how long would that stay, you know?
And what if you just go into prison for like a little while
and it's just a bunch of, you don't learn anything
It's just a bunch of dudes that's run a train on you or whatever.
That would be my scary thing.
Like you're, you use up for three minutes and now you're just limping.
Yeah, dude.
What if you get out?
You're like, and then your wife lies.
She's like, yeah, I left while you were going.
You were going so long.
You're like, I was gone for two songs on Spotify.
Yeah, dude.
Well, that's the interesting part.
What the fuck?
And your son's like, yeah, we have a new step day.
You're like, what?
Bro, that would be the scary thing is what if they just bring you back and like,
oh yeah man you just got a couple of uh ms 13 guys got a hold of you and now you're like el gay
or whatever you know and that would be the scariest part to me bro the crazy part is like if they're
doing this in three minutes it's like you leave your house at 10 a.m. I'm like oh I committed this crime
I'm so sorry you come back you're back at noon and all of a sudden you have all the remorse for
you know burning down in arby's and now you're like I didn't I didn't think the fry cook was
it's still in there and I like now you just have this feeling and regret the rest of
your life, but you still have the rest of your life to live, like.
Yeah. But I think the shortcut.
It'll be a shortcut. And I think it'll be for people that can afford it because here's what
you'll be able to do. People will, the Arby's family, they'll have some sort of like other
part of it that's like an attorney part of it where it's like, okay, you can make due right now,
you can pay restitution, you burn down the Arby's, you killed two, you know, a fry cook
and someone in the drive-thru, refused to leave without their order, even though the place
was burning down and one other counterperson. So you can settle out of court with them all right now
for $300,000
and then it's just going to be like
this fast track thing. It's like, yeah, you're off the hook
and you feel the remorse and you
keep living. So
if you shoot
someone, you only, would you feel that person's
pain? I think they just want you to feel
the pain of their family members and stuff like that. They would have
ways that they could embed that into you.
Yeah, that would fuck you up. I mean, both those
are fucked up for life. But what do you do? Like tax fraud?
Who's pain is that? You killed some people at an Arby's.
You should have just... Right, right, right. Right. It should
fuck you up. Yeah, you shouldn't be
off Scott free.
So how would that work with like tax fraud?
Like who?
The government's, no.
That's a good point. Maybe they wouldn't allow it for certain crimes.
Or if they would able to get the money back from me? I'm not sure. That's a good question.
How fast would they do that? I feel like, I don't know, that's crazy.
Yeah.
But they probably are finding ways to speed up prison sentences but still have the same effects.
Well, it seems kind of archaic the way that we do it.
kind of it's like this guy's in there for 50 years nothing ever had it's like yeah goes
through all these boards and it's never you know so long and it's just like such a drain on the
system it's just i'd love to find out more about that like because i know a lot of it is just like
some kind of money laundering thing you know yeah have you ever been to a prison i don't think i
have i've been in a jail what's the difference i never been to a prison a jail is just like a little
gay ass prison nobody's even getting gayed out or whatever in it it's just people waiting for
lunch and shit people waiting for dick jails are local short-term facility
for those awaiting trial or serving sentences.
You can't even find a gang in a jail, you know?
You can find, like, one dude that'll, like, like...
Like a pen pal to another gang.
Yeah, yeah.
You can find one dude who might fucking slip half a Hershey's under your door at night or whatever.
But there's no long-term institution there.
Those are more for prisons.
Yeah, because they do, like, somebody, like,
when you go to different cities,
when you want to see, like, where Elvis live or something.
Like, I think they should tour jails for income.
Like, I'm just curious what's going on in there.
Like, I want to do an episode of Scared Straight,
but like,
but I just want to see what's going on.
Like,
I'm just curious.
Like,
if there was a jail live stream on Twitch,
I would watch every day.
It's just like it's,
you never hear about anything there.
So to watch it,
it almost feels illegal.
Well,
there's a lot of shows about it now that people,
I mean,
people are into those types of,
into that type of view and I think for sure,
dude.
I don't know if I'd be good in jail, dude.
I wouldn't.
No?
I'd fucking hate it.
Unless my cellmate,
like,
we could start a little band or something,
I don't think I would be that good in there.
If I had something to look forward to
to as like a group or whatever,
Yeah. What would you do if you got approached by gang members?
I'd have to join.
Yeah.
You could say, let me think about it for a day or two, but they're only going to probably give you two days.
Yeah, I would treat it like I was a record label and I was a rapper out there.
I'm just seeing what other offers I get.
I think I would blind myself or something.
So nobody's going to hurt a blind guy, I think.
I do I feel like, unfortunately, that's the number one target.
Because you can't snitch.
So, like, what did he feel like knuckles?
Yeah.
Oh.
I don't know.
I don't know.
That'd be scary to me.
Because...
I don't know, man.
I guess, yeah, you'd have to join a gang.
I would probably go Mexican gang.
I feel like it might be...
The food might be better.
I don't know.
I don't know if black gangs are making food in there.
I don't know.
What's the worst gang to join in there?
Prison gangs in the United States.
Aryan Brotherhood,
black guerrilla mafia, Mexican mafia,
La Nuestra, familia,
Texas Syndicate.
That sounds kind of like new and novel.
All these sound like a really good NFL league.
And then net us.
For the XFL.
Oh, yeah.
All versus.
If they bring the XFL back, start with these teams.
The Tennessee type shit, dude, put them in there.
Tennessee fightens.
Dude, they should have more.
They got to start putting these people into teams, doing something.
There's got to be a better way.
It's all going to happen, man.
Everything's merging.
Everything's getting weird.
Yes, it's all becoming Long John Silver's and Baskin Robbins, dude.
There's no, it's all becoming the Army fans.
It's all starting to merge.
We're going to start to see this kind of stuff a lot, you know.
But I think they should take all the inmates and, like, give them some athletic thing to look forward to and then they can stream it.
It's like, I would absolutely watch the Texas Seneca versus the Puerto Ricans.
Oh, yeah.
If you had a basketball game tonight.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, there was a lot of newest for familiar versus Aryan Brotherhood at 9 p.m.
First one to 11.
No three pointers.
Dude, I would fucking watch that in heartbeat.
I feel like the A.B. is only hitting threes.
They're not doing the work and the paint.
It beats the big three fucking.
league in a heartbeat.
But are you should put one of these leagues into the big three league?
They got to start to just diversify.
But I'm saying like if these guys even just play like that might bring something
unity.
It's like UFC.
They talk shit before the fight.
Then after the game, they're like dab up.
They're like, I'm nothing more respect to this guy.
I love this guy.
Maybe there could be some of that where like if they're playing each other,
they're shit talking.
Sure.
But afterwards like, hey, type shit type shit.
Type shit.
And then they can stream it and you could watch it on like Rumble or wherever the Paramount
Plus or something.
But like I feel like.
Oh yeah.
Nick Fuentes would host it probably.
I mean, I think he would probably
Do they do it?
Especially if it's on Rumble, he's like their lead guy over there.
Yeah, I, I, like, there's got to be a way, because they would also probably feel like, imagine being in jail, but like every day you're training for a game on Saturday.
Like, yeah.
You have something to look forward to.
I agree.
That's a kind of stuff you need in there.
Even though you're a murderer, you still like, yeah.
But they got to.
Murder them threes, bitch.
Yeah.
From downtown because shots went in downtown.
He's a killer.
Yeah.
Shots fired.
That's one of his name.
Dude, they'd have cool-ass names too.
Stabby for three.
Yeah.
Like Bobby Lee always makes that town
Before we get out of here
You have a special coming out?
I'm shooting one in March.
I'm shooting a special March 17th in Arizona
In Phoenix.
Yeah, in Phoenix.
Nice.
Super excited.
It's gonna be sick.
Phoenix is just a great comedy town.
I'm really excited.
I might go shoot my special there maybe.
It's not a bad idea.
It's a great city.
It's a great city.
It's, I mean, you're out here now,
but like it's so close to L.A.
And I've just never,
some states,
like, I'll say Ohio is a hit or miss state for me.
Sometimes, like, this is the best show of my life, I'm a special,
or you're like, cool, give me to the top of Lakeitha with cement shoes.
So you're like always in between.
I am on tour right now.
I'm doing the rhyme in tomorrow.
If you want to do a spot, I would love to have you on that.
I'd be sick as fuck.
Yeah, man, maybe I'll pop out.
I haven't been on stage in a while.
Really?
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, the crowd would just literally nut 20 miles per hour to see you do five minutes.
But Phoenix, Phoenix, I'll come out.
Yeah, and then I'm doing the will turn, which,
I opened for you at the Willtern a couple years ago.
That's a great, great spot.
Yeah, I'm doing a bunch.
You got Ventura, Cleveland.
You got a lot of good spots.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All California.
I'm doing Reno.
I'm doing a lot of places I've never done before.
Like Oakland, Reno, Memphis, Fresno, Bakersfield, San Luis, Abispo, Sacramento.
You guys got to go see them, man.
It's a great.
It's just entertaining.
It's great energy.
The whole set.
Yeah, dude.
You're so great up there, bro.
Make sure to send me this, too, so I can share it on socials, too, whenever
after today or after this.
episode goes up. Oh yeah yeah yeah please in your tour is called Trevor Wallace
presents alpha beta male alpha beta male yeah just because I feel like my brain is
split in between like being this like alpha male versus like this beta male
it's like I find just more kind of unity between both of them and I feel like every
decision I make has like an alpha side versus beta side and me it's not like one of those
like red pill blue pill type no shows but it is just like a funny thing to be like people are
you this or that I'm like I feel like I'm kind of in between yeah a lot of fun yeah dude I
I think it also happens as you grow up a little bit, too.
It's like you kind of get two sides of it, you know?
It's like, you know, there's days you're like, you know,
yeah, it's always, it used to be like, I'll bust a nut wherever, you know what I'm saying?
I'll bust a nut at this fucking party or whatever.
I'm like, the fuck, you know?
Yeah.
You know?
Dude, I remember, I went to a one-year-old's birthday party.
This is at a time when, like, you know, when I was dealing with sober and then relapse.
And I went to a one-year-old's birthday party and ended up buying cocaine there somehow.
one year old?
From an adult.
They're like, blow out the candles and you hear the word blow and you're like, where?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just go to show you.
Anything can happen out there, man.
Yeah, I just feel like my brain has like, it's more so like all there's, there's a
second guessing element to almost everything that I do where it's like the example I say
on stage is like, I've had this thought before.
Like I wanted to like spit in a girl's mouth, but then another thought was like,
but what if I miss?
Yeah.
But like that's not how dirty talk works.
That's not like how being hot in the bed works.
It's like, you just do it.
Yes, you have to be that, yeah, you have to be present.
But, you know, it's like, or I'm, like, scared to, like,
slap a girl's ass in the bed because I'm like,
sometimes you don't get the pop.
Oh, I hate that.
You get the dud?
Yeah.
Sounds like you're just trying to get the dog on the couch.
Like, and for me, I'm trying to, like,
so I overthink everything.
It's so embarrassing, too, when you get the dud.
It's, they hear it.
They hear it, too.
Yeah.
Then a good person you're dating won't address it.
A bitch will be like,
yeah.
The fuck.
Are you to see, that's when you have to yell out.
That was loud.
Or that's when you yell out
Be like, you probably need some lotion
It's a little dry back here
Yeah, damn
Or you do what like dads do
When they're like moving into a house
And they just start checking like
How's this the structure?
Yeah, the getting a dud is
But like, but literally that's all my thought process is
Like there's a part of my brain
That's like slap ass
But then the other parts
It's like what if you get a dud?
Yeah, what if you miss a little?
You get a little fire.
You hit that bone?
That's a crazy.
That's a salt.
Yeah.
It's literally a salt.
Yeah, dude.
And then now that you're like, how am I going to bust at 27 miles an hour now?
And then it comes out like 12 miles an hour.
It's, dude, I'm like, I'm probably the most, one of the most in my head guys I can be.
And I just like, once I start thinking about that, like, and this is more graphic,
but we're like pretty deep into the podcast.
If I start thinking, oh, no, I'm not going to be able to bust, then I can't.
Oh.
It's all mental for me.
Like, like, if a girl even says, like, are you going to be able to?
Then it's out the window.
Because now it's all I'm thinking about.
Or if I get too hot, I got to run to the,
fucking sink like a little gopher.
Oh, if the AC comes on or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the AC's a little G-A-Y blown on your back.
Well, the fan on it, people who could come with the fan on, I thought those are Navy
seals, dude.
Anybody who can have...
Probably Air Force.
Yeah, I said this on stage.
Like, anybody who can have sex with a fan on is a fucking...
Yeah, that's Air Force, dude.
Bro, you deserve to have an only fans and support our country.
Why would you want to make the room colder to now?
Like, that's going to make things probably smaller.
guessing. Oh, but it's just crazy to have. Just anybody who could have sex with a fan
on is insane. It's literally like a cuck situation because you're like, who's this other man
in the room? Oh yeah, it's a ceiling fan. Yeah, I couldn't do it. Not for me. A lot of pressure,
dude. But I do that with everything. Career-wise, I overthink everything. I...
But it helps you do, you're meticulous. That's what it is. It is. And it keeps you where
you are. And it's like, you know, you started, your career started off so hot. And a lot of times
you see guys like that and it's hard for them to figure it out, you know? How long were you
doing content before you got in a stand-up? I was doing stand-up first.
Right.
Oh, you were.
Yeah, but, but, like, maybe...
But you've still only been doing it now, like, what, seven years?
10.
Oh, have you really?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck, I'm losing every...
No, no, you're good, man, you're good.
I don't know why you'd know that.
How is everything going with Bus Boys?
Bus Boys is good, dude.
It's going to come out in a couple of weeks.
Oh, no.
It's going to come out in a couple of months.
Really?
So I think we're going to go into theaters.
Oh, fuck you.
And then, it looks like, and we're figuring that out right now.
And then we'll probably go direct to consumer as direct to people.
Any streamer?
I don't know.
That probably happens
after you go theaters
and then a buyer.
We'll see.
I think it's also
you have to present to them
when it's fully done
and show them what it looks like,
you know?
So it's been a long,
it's been a learning curve.
It's been a lot.
It's been a lot of stuff.
You realize it's like,
oh, this is a big undertaking.
But I realize
it could be a lot easier next time.
Yeah.
And we had a lot of things
that were like in the way
and make things tough too.
Like the fires
moved everything
at the last minute by a week
and just all these little things
that change everything.
But learned a ton.
Self-financed it.
We made it ourselves, you know,
and like wrote it ourselves
and completely like,
so that part I think I feel really excited about.
And I think it should be,
I think it's good.
I'm just, you know,
you've seen it so many times.
You're like,
I don't even know what's going on here.
Yeah.
You're in it.
I'm in it.
I'm, dude,
I'm,
it's been so long.
I'm so happy that I got a tap for that.
I watched the full thing.
And it's like,
I think the storyline is so there.
It's like,
it's,
it's,
it's,
dumb to say, but you're like, yeah, this is a movie.
It's not like somebody who tried to make a movie.
It's like, this is a start-to-finish movie.
Yeah.
And the storyline, I was impressed.
It was, it's...
Yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but it also was our first time doing it.
It was like, we had to make sure that this piece matches with this piece.
But I do think it moves quick and it was funny.
It was a lot of great cameos and stuff in it.
I love the cameos.
The cameos are great, man.
And it's...
But yeah, it's like, even when I saw the trailer, Spade showed me at the improv between all of his Raya matches.
But he showed me...
No, he does.
No.
No, he does.
He's got him.
But even the trailer, like, as dumb as this sounds, I'm like, dude, this is a movie trailer.
Yeah.
Like, like, even if I had, I don't even know.
Like, I could just be a random guy or at a radio shack and I watch him.
Like, dude, this fucking movie looks sick.
Right.
Like, it feels everything like a movie.
So any doubt you have, just because I know you're very...
Like the amount, I think a lot.
Yeah.
I don't want to slap the bone, you know?
Right.
But as an outside of perspective, you're like, dude, this is a fucking movie.
movie, movie. So like, the fact is going into theaters and then direct, like, I'm, I'm fired up.
You think I should feel confident about that? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, dude, there it is. There it is. Yeah.
It was fun. I can't even believe it all happened. Right. I mean, it was a crazy time in the year and this all
happened so fast. It was like 23 days in a row we shot and it was just a fucking, it was a lot, dude. But you
crushed you. We got to do something again. Please, man. Let's get this out so we can make a new one,
uh, type shit. I know. And that's the thing. Like, you know, it's just, I have so many ideas that I hold
onto and I shoot it for so long by the time I go
to like pose and I'm like, what the fuck even is this?
So art has like an expiration date. It feels like for the
artist, but it's like once you put it out there, it's like
how you felt making it, that's how
it should be perceived a little bit.
That, that, um, what is that book?
I'm blanking on his name. It's gray
book with the circles on it. Rick Rubin.
Have you read that book?
What's it called? He's great though.
He has a book and it's all about just
yeah, the creative act. Dude, I really
love this book. It's
The creative act, A Way of Being. I would check it out.
Have you had him on the pod?
I haven't.
He would be a great guess.
I would like to see great clips of him.
He's just,
his whole perception on art is like put it out.
And once it's out, like you, at one point you love the project.
Don't let the outcome dictate how it is.
Like when you started writing it, you loved it.
When you were creating with your friends, you loved it.
So I applied to a lot of videos because at one point,
when filming it or writing it or editing or all that, I loved it.
And then if I post it and doesn't do well, I go,
ah, fuck the video sucked.
They go, no, no, no.
But like, I had the care for it at one point.
And it's sometimes you sit on projects for so long that you lose that care.
So it's important to kind of put those things out before.
And it's not that you lose that care, but your life just changes.
Yeah.
And what you find funny in 2024 over 2025 is different.
So, yeah, sometimes it's tough to keep something going.
But also you're right to remember like, man, at one time I had so much faith in this and
believed in this and I knew it was good, right?
Yeah.
And I still think you should.
Yeah.
I really do.
Thanks, bro.
I think I needed to hear something like that too.
We're looking at some last like coloring scenes right now.
You're so in it, man.
You should do a small screening in Nashville and just like not anybody who will just glaze
who's like, oh, fight you.
Like just like literally like 30 people and just show it and just be like what were your
takeaways?
Yeah.
Would you like what felt good?
What felt?
We probably need to do that soon.
Maybe we'll do one out in L.A. too, man.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know when we do.
But yeah, I'm super excited for that to come out.
You got the tour right now.
we'll share those on the socials as well.
That'd be awesome, man.
Yeah, I'll come out tomorrow night and do a set.
You want to do it?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Who else is on the show?
Blastine?
Zach Townsend.
You know him?
Yeah, I love him.
Zach Townsend and I think John Chris is doing set.
Dude, it's going to be National's finest.
It's going to be like, they're going to take a screenshot of this and put it up next to that New York City prison post.
And they're like, dude, they had Mom Dami in that bitch.
I don't know who's up in there.
Thanks so much for coming, bro.
Dude, always.
Yeah, congrats and everything.
Thanks for the inspiration, dude.
Yeah, you just always keep on going, dude.
You keep staying creative, and it's great to see.
I'm glad we get to catch up.
That means a lot of coming from you.
Like, holy shit.
Yeah, you got no choice not to.
Let's keep it going, huh?
You're giving a gift, so use it.
This is it.
God bless.
Thank you for having me in the gang gang.
Gang, gang.
That was like a Nardwar sign off.
Nardwar.
That was like a Nardwar sign off.
Gang, gang.
Good night, Nard war.
I'm Nard.
We're Nardwara.
