This Past Weekend - #656 - Fahim Anwar

Starting point is 00:00:00 I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast, taping this podcast, before a live audience. It's the only time I've ever done that. And it may be the only time I ever do, I don't know, but that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson, on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Willtern Theater as part of the Netflix is a joke fest. And after that, it'll be on our channel, so you can see it there. You can get tickets at Theovon.com slash T-O-U-U-W-W. are.

Starting point is 00:00:32 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's an actor, and he's a dancer. He's a dancer. We've been friends for a long time, and it's great to finally have him in. His new special Intrusive Thoughts is right now available on YouTube. We've got a link in the description. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Fahim Anwar. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:01:12 Over there. It doesn't even happen. Somebody just said there were some fires going on. Are there? Remember when everyone had that fire app for like three weeks? Oh, dude. And then we deleted it. Yeah, yeah, it did.

Starting point is 00:01:20 Right? Like, we just were all about that fire app, but like, I deleted it. Yeah. Or are you still trying to find out like what fires are going on in Oregon or something? Oh, bro. When people had that app, bring up that app. What was that? Was it called fire?

Starting point is 00:01:32 I mean, I was it called Something's Burning. Wasn't it just an advertisement for Burk Recher's podcasts? It was cross-pollination? What was that app? Watch duty. That was the app, bro. Yeah, remember it was like, oh, there it is. Oh, it's on the fire.

Starting point is 00:01:49 It's like, oh, it's on Venice Boulevard, you know? Well, it was like, you thought you're going to die. So you just like, am I by the flames? Do I have to outrun it? Yeah. It just says run. It just pops up. Dude, that was it right there.

Starting point is 00:02:02 Remember, and the flames get bigger and stuff. They had airplanes going by. And every now and then they would have this like a burning emoji who would just run across the screen. They would have an icon of a guy setting fires. You're like, somebody take care of him. Why is he? Cops get on it. Yeah, dude, that app was crazy.

Starting point is 00:02:18 And it was like, oh, leave your popcorn kernels out on your veranda. It's going to be a hot one. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. They're like, oh, it's going to be, yeah, definitely. It's a great day to make some, it's a great day to get some popcorn going. Yeah, I mean, it was bittersweet. Like, the developers were probably stoked. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:36 That, you know, everyone's downloading the app. But it's a shame that, like, this has to happen for the downloads to go through the roof. Maybe they're starting it. Dude, that's what I was saying. I wonder if they could find, knowing what we know now, like, I wonder if they could find, like, a connection between the developers were the ones starting the fires. Because that's what you start to realize in the world, it's like, yeah, if there's a crazy app that comes out that helps solve a problem, the other side of the makers of the app,

Starting point is 00:03:01 sometimes are, they're in conjunction with the people making the problem. You got to create the need. Yeah. You got to create the need, dude. Fahim, Moore, good to see you, dude. Thanks for having me, man. Oh, man. Same.

Starting point is 00:03:14 Thank you. This is great. Yeah, it's been awesome, man. Thanks for your patience, too. Of course. Yeah, I know you have a new special that's coming out, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's the name of it? It's called, I'm blanking on it.

Starting point is 00:03:26 I'll help here, and this will help the name of it. I should know what it's called. Intrusive thoughts. Bro, there you. I need some of them right now, yeah. It's almost like, yeah, yeah, you could use one. I'm doing a promo run. This is good to get the kinks out.

Starting point is 00:03:37 What's the name of the special? Nah. Let me just do the biggest podcast. And they go, what's the name of the special? I want to hit every camera where I have a brain fart intrusive thought I think I was thinking of my last special and I yeah

Starting point is 00:03:53 and it's out now it's out now yeah yeah oh nice man congratulations thank you man and you also what's the show that you do it's the fixing the working on stuff yeah so it's in the belly room

Starting point is 00:04:06 at the comedy store that one's called Fahim Works on stuff and it's a weekly series I do I work on material and then eventually sometimes it makes it into the set So like this hour I did, a lot of those jokes ended up making it. But if you like stand up and how it's crafted and stuff, that's a fun one to check out. Oh, so like from the stage all the way and then how they ended up in.

Starting point is 00:04:25 Well, it's just me trying jokes out. Like I have paper and stuff and there's, you know, the way we write material, you know, you get ideas and you try it out. I just, I film it. And then I put it up and I'd love to have you do it sometime too. I'd love to have you on the show. Yeah, man. If I'm in town, I'd love to do it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:38 Thank you. Of course. I thought it was like, Phahim works on stuff. It was like you fixing like a motor or something. Yeah. That's bad branding. I guess some people in the comments are like, I thought there'd be a carburetor.

Starting point is 00:04:47 And that's on me. But I'm on the thumbnail. I'm doing this. There you go right there. He works on stuff and his friends drop by. That's great. So it's a nice. And so you, dude,

Starting point is 00:04:57 nobody works on stuff more than you, bro. You are like, you're the guy that's always done, like to me that's always done it like a true comedianess does it. If people have an idea of what that is and everybody's ideas can be different. But if you had like this idea of like. Well, it's very flattering, man. Thank you, man.

Starting point is 00:05:12 But yeah, I was expecting something like a car, I was expecting something different. Or I just thought it was like one of like Bert Chrysler shows or whatever. He like every other, you know, he always says something like Bert fights a mole or whatever. Right. It's like, you know.

Starting point is 00:05:24 I'm working on a different thing every show. Like it's a skateboard one show, a BMX. Yeah. And then maybe a Paula. He's building. In the comments. What do you want me to work on that? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:39 And then your wife's like, why don't you work on this marriage or whatever? Dude, are you married? I don't work on that. Okay, never mind. I don't work on jokes and... Yeah. Yeah, because...

Starting point is 00:05:49 Whoa, is that all... You guys whip that up just now? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Fahimam we're working under the hood always greasing, bro. That shit's dope, dude. You're kind of black arming there, but...

Starting point is 00:06:02 They've given me bigger forearms. I kind of like that. Yeah, you look... They made me beefier. Oh, dude. With that chast is grease right there, that can of it. I like how they kept the Apple Watch. That's not.

Starting point is 00:06:12 AI's not cutting me a break at all. Bro, you got to have something on you to let you know when lunch is, bro. That's the thing. Should I do this? I look way happier doing this. I haven't smiled this much ever on stage, but I'm just looking. It's like my child. Oh, with that pride, that's great, dude.

Starting point is 00:06:36 Oh, what was I going to ask you about? Oh, do you see that guy hit the Jumbotron or something? No, I missed it. What was it? I mean, this is way less important than your special, but let's veer off. Yeah, another view of the parachuter who hits the Jumbotron at the Virginia Tech game.

Starting point is 00:06:51 This is the problem now with DEI, dude. It's like they can't even get a good parachute. Do we know the race of the guy who was parachuting, though? He survived? I mean, but that's crazy, bro. Just another gooner getting too close to the screen, huh? Dude, you would think... What if the whole stadium just saw a guy die before a game?

Starting point is 00:07:15 Do they continue the game? That's a great question. You do a half at least, right? You do a half, and out of respect, you don't play the rest of the half. You play half a game when the guy dies. Yeah, that'd be crazy. What would happen? Say that guy who obviously was, what was he doing where he got too occupied?

Starting point is 00:07:35 Yeah. Were he doing his phone? Yeah. It was just like this. He was watching footage of him. He's like, well, I'm getting pretty close to that thing. Oh man, it's just sad, bro. That gooning, dude, those guys want to get so close to the screen, dude.

Starting point is 00:07:51 They want to be... Right there. It's not enough. We used to masturbate, like, in, like, almost what is considered now kind of archaic way. Like, pages. Yes. A 2D image. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:03 Like, kids don't know what that's like to... That's, like, jerking off to a shadow at this point. You know what I mean? Yeah, the only volume was you had to quietly turn the page. Remember that? Yeah. Sometimes you would, like, move it around to make it dance, make it seem like she's really there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:16 Now they're like Applevision Pro. They're like load me up. They're loading up different chicks. They're having threesome. Yeah. Oh, they're having eight sums. They're having a freaking other like there's a one where an octopus will jerk you off. And if you guess the army's going to do it with like you win more coins or whatever.

Starting point is 00:08:33 I'm like, what is it? That'd be cool if there was an orgy with everyone's wearing an Applevision pro. But it's just like 12 people naked in a room. Like y'all can be fucking each other. And they're like, yeah. The environment's better in this look. We're on the pyramids. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:50 Yeah, dude, what are you talking about? We're on the Mayflower. Why would I fuck in my living room? Like some fucking, like some senior citizen when I could fuck on the challenger, but you only have 40 seconds to fuck. The challenger? Yeah. So it's like sort of like a bust contest. You have to do it under the clock or you blow up.

Starting point is 00:09:10 You have to bust before you bust. Yeah. That's the name of the game. just and they go You died Without busting You know what game is this

Starting point is 00:09:20 Oh damn Dude it's definitely getting They go it's free But then you have to pay for the tokens That's where they get you Yeah The game's free The game is free

Starting point is 00:09:29 But yeah You get different coins too I know there's like the There's that one I know virtual reality sex thing Where they're having sex On like Famous like sad times

Starting point is 00:09:42 That happened I think there's one doing now. Palantir's doing one where you can just do it right in the Gaza rubble. They're offering that. That's a new service. Yeah. They're pivoting. It's sort of like all birds, the shoe company went AI. And everyone's like, okay. Yeah. That's like crocs getting into like biotech. You know? And that's just allowed. Dude, that's so funny, bro. Imagine Palantir actually, they would come out with something like that, dude. That soulless group. Um, Yeah, but that's where it's going to get to.

Starting point is 00:10:16 It's like, oh, well, oh, sorry, I would love to work out today, but I'm, like, I'm banging a couple chicks on the trail of tears later this afternoon. Like, I'm meeting up with a couple of friends. We're meeting up in an opioid crisis basement from like 2022. You know, it's just going to get weirder and weirder. Why does it have to be, like, busting to sad stuff? It's just, it's funny. Those are the only levels. It can't be a meadow.

Starting point is 00:10:41 It has to be, like, the worst. What do you mean, like, a meadow? a meadow from like the hills like uh like the sound of music or something yeah that'd be nice oh that'd be beautiful like in stockholm sure is that where it was bring up a stockholm meadow please what is it like there oh that's nice oh god look at that it's like uh XP screen saver right there and where yeah that is remember that when the nicest thing in your house with your screensaver oh yeah but you looked out of your real windows and it was just like a bunch of like it was like black dudes fighting like a like a crow in baltimore or whatever what if that was the screensaver they sent to the hood

Starting point is 00:11:20 like you couldn't even have the rolling it had to be like what's outside your window yeah so it couldn't even be that it was just like dilapidated cars what is that place oh oh go back to the previous one nick yeah whatever you clicked on right here green meadow at ironson jojagan but yeah dude you're right I'm thinking of like negative things. But it is funny. I do like that constraint that it's a pretty awesome video game, but it has to be in terrible places. Yeah. That's just the deal.

Starting point is 00:11:53 Yeah. Maybe the patch will let you do nice places. But until then, we're beta testing the terrible places. Right. In the beginning, it's like virtual reality sex thing. Yeah. Okay. But in the beginning, you only get to like do like, you can have orgies and meetups.

Starting point is 00:12:07 You're allowed to have like six or seven friends, but you can't have like 40 friends. join you. Right. Then you have to pay. That's like a paid tier. Yes. And you get like you unlock better places to be able to kind of basically jerk off in hypothetically that you would never be able to go to because what do you think the ultimate unlock is? Ooh. Well, what are some second tiers even? Let's, if you don't mind. You unlock movie theater, let's say if you want to throwback, you know. Yeah, movie theater maybe um. Like a porn theater back in the day. Yeah, Jets game or whatever. Sure. Do you think there's a guy?

Starting point is 00:12:40 I mean, that's terrible, right? But kudos to the guy who can do that. Who can bang it out to a Jets game, you know? Yeah. Like football's going on. There's peanuts and popcorn. And he can still. Like, if there was a talent scout for adult films,

Starting point is 00:12:57 it'd be like, that guy, he's going to do it on cue. Yeah. We're looking at him for the second round. Yeah, we're drafted that guy. Most people can't with, like, a few people watching. This guy does, like, a whole stadium. Yeah, that's scary, dude. imagine. I would have dreams where I'd imagine like it was like a big thing and you had to jerk off a mountain or whatever, like a village couldn't eat or whatever and everybody's there cheering and shit.

Starting point is 00:13:17 That's a lot of pressure. Yeah. And then it's like eight more weeks a winner for your stomachs, bro. Y'all ain't eating shit, dude, because y'all made me too nervous up here. You blame it on them? Yeah, we have to. They're cheering. Don't cheer. It's like golf. I need silence. I can't do this with you yapping in my, have to start over. I had it and then I lost it Yeah, yeah, that's it Can you get in the other room?

Starting point is 00:13:41 Oh But yeah, that's just sad Some guy jumps out of I guess he jumped out of a rocket or something I mean, what was he even doing? Yeah And then, yeah, what would some of the highest tears be like, okay

Starting point is 00:13:55 And you can't really tell your parents Unless they're like also Unless they play the game Then they already know, right? Then they see you like Because your gamer tag is on there Yes And your dad sees that

Starting point is 00:14:05 And you go, you play too? Yeah. That's sad, dude. Yeah. And when the power goes out of your place and both you and your dad, you just hear each other like, dang. God. Because both y'all just got shut down and you're freaking from the goonosphere or whatever. What did bring up?

Starting point is 00:14:23 I want to learn more about gooning. Do you know a lot about it? I don't know. These young kids, you know, they have all these terms and then I learn about it way too late. So gooning, is that just like pining? Is that the new version of pining? I'm not good I think it's just like

Starting point is 00:14:38 you're into something let's bring it up here on perplexity I feel like this is overkill for AI This is like shooting a fly with a cannon AI What is gooning You have like Tony Stark shit Just to explain

Starting point is 00:14:53 AI What's 2 plus 2 Perplexity is a sponsor We're gonna pull up 2 plus 2 Perplexity What color is this guy My perplexity must think I am the fucking dumbest guy in the world, dude.

Starting point is 00:15:07 We ask the most basic shit because we don't know it. This is the most Theo thing, though, ever. This is like quintessential Theo. Like, pull up AI, pull up gooning. Just the most robust infrastructure for the silliest thing. We built all of this just to look that up. Dude, they need to do a remake of goonies, but it's goo. But it's gooning.

Starting point is 00:15:27 Bro. You sold it in the room. Yeah, yeah. You sold it on name alone. Bro, you tell me, and they all have to get to one magic spot? and they all jerk off in like a cup from like a senior citizen from like 2,000 years ago. I just picture you in a suit at Paramount pitching this. Like you're saying all the same things and you pitch it in a suit.

Starting point is 00:15:46 What did it say? Quick definition, modern sexual meaning. In current internet slang gooning is a form of marathon masturbation and porn consumption where someone stays aroused for a long time. So it's basically like trying to keep the party going. And also I think it's trying to keep your wiener. up. So it's trying, there's like a level of like, you know what the, like, get the fish

Starting point is 00:16:08 thing when they try to get the dolphin like stay on its tail for a little while? So gooning is the human equivalent of a dolphin staying on the water? Yeah, when they, yes. You have to make that sound when you're gooning. Mine sounds like a fucking broke down gay dude. Hold on.

Starting point is 00:16:25 It's pretty good. Yours is like half and half human half dolphin like the blade. Yeah. Yeah. Mine sounds like an Asian car that won't start, dude. I just, so that's gooning pretty much, huh? Let's get a little more, sorry.

Starting point is 00:16:41 Is it? Like edging? Didn't, wasn't that a thing before? Well, someone stays aroused for a long time, often hours, edging themselves into a trance-like, zoned out state rather than just quickly getting off.

Starting point is 00:16:54 That's crazy, bro. So I didn't know that. I thought it was just, I mean, I guess, I mean, I knew that it was somebody like that was really locked in on seeing their penis and wanting to come

Starting point is 00:17:06 or just being involved with pornographia you know or porno or whatever I knew it was a lot of that but I didn't know that this exists well just the levels they're going to for it solo means non-partner porn driven off from multiple tabs niche content

Starting point is 00:17:23 things on loop what are you fucking doing are you like Reggie Watts or whatever like you have a loop machine you're like a DJ? What is the birth of hip hop it's a new genre of porn were like people would just play the whole thing

Starting point is 00:17:36 but I started chopping it up and now people come to my porn DJ sets all the time like oh oh yeah oh yeah the Coachella main stage and the beat dropped and just fucking like fake

Starting point is 00:17:50 like that's when the fog or the foam like in a visa oh that's guinea man dang it's inner long before anything to do with porn goonment things like fool thug or a henchman the history roughly looks like Older English roots, goni, gone.

Starting point is 00:18:09 Do you think old-fashioned goons are upset that it's like their word has been taken away? They go, no, I don't do that. I'm a goon. Yeah. I'm a real, I'm a muzzle. I'm a goon for the mob. I'm not, these Gen Z fuckers are, I'm an OG goon. I'm a real goon, brother.

Starting point is 00:18:26 I'm a real goon. Yeah, I'm not just jerking off or whatever somewhere. But it's just sad that like this is kind of like our military now. It's like there's enough of them doing it now where it's like they have like meetups and they have like, you know, they have almost like those danceathons or whatever where it's like, like it's like, what is it, Fonzie, like a sock hop or something? Yeah, it's like we're raising money for testicular cancer or whatever. And how many kids are in the, like what's it called if people goon together?

Starting point is 00:18:56 Is there a, there's got to be something. That actually sounds like good for the community. Quit gooning by yourself, goon together. Yeah. At the goonoff. Yeah. Down at the local gymnasium. winner of the goonoff gets a Hyundai Allantra.

Starting point is 00:19:11 When people say goon together, it's typically referred to as a group gooning or participating in a goon session communal gooning, often organized via online communities like Discord, Reddit, and adult platforms. Wow. Huh. Oh, group sessions, okay. This must be, I think this is a younger person's thing, too, like a teenage or adult, I mean, like, or college age. I don't really, I don't think I have the time to devote to that. Yeah, it seems like a lot of time. I wonder if we're just out of touch.

Starting point is 00:19:38 Like, do you think parents are like, I don't understand your goon? He's like, you don't get me, dad. Yeah. And my friends are doing it. If we're too old. Richard, he's in there gooning right now. It's like that weed commercial.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Like, where did you learn to goon? I learned from you. I learned from you. Oh, that shit hit me, dude. I didn't even have a kid. I was a kid. I was a kid and I just felt all the pain of it. Like, God.

Starting point is 00:20:03 Oh, man. That's wild, dude. Anyway, bro. Good to see you, dude. Same, man. Thank you for having me. And I don't know if I told you officially, but thank you for having me on tour with you with those dates. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:14 That was so fun to do. I'd never done something like that. So, like, I've been doing stand-up a long time, but I haven't played venues like that before. Where'd we play in Seattle now? No, no, we did the Midwest run. So we did Iowa. We did Minnesota. We did North Dakota, South Dakota.

Starting point is 00:20:29 Ooh, yeah. But I've just never played venues that large before. So, I mean, the largest I've done before I came out with you is 7,000. The Dolby, the 7,000 people. And then we did, some of these were like 18,000. I just want to do that for me, just like, what is that like? It's like big wave surfing, you know? For real.

Starting point is 00:20:48 It's scary, man, because I met up with you guys in Iowa, I think, at first. It's like tour bus. There's the venue and all that. And then you look at the seats in the daytime. And it's like that scene in Interstellar where they see that giant wave. You know what I mean? Like your heart kind of sinks a bit. You're like, oh, man, these are going to be filled.

Starting point is 00:21:07 with people. But then you do one and you're like, I know what this is. Yeah, it takes some, it's like, I mean, definitely navigating some of that is different. And thanks for coming, dude. I appreciate it, bro. Thank you so much, dude.

Starting point is 00:21:22 A lot of times it's, like, tough to get a lot of headliners to come out on the road because a lot of them are working different weekends or something like that. And I know that was an off weekend for you, so thanks for coming out. Of course. Yeah, dude, were we at the place where that, that place in North Dakota was, I think,

Starting point is 00:21:34 the biggest building I'd ever been in. Fargo Dome? Yes. That was insane. The buses were like inside. Yes. And then there was a whole other inside where they had like a basketball court. Yeah, we were playing basketball before the show behind a curtain.

Starting point is 00:21:48 It was like two stadiums almost. The place was divided in half. And it was even with it divided in half, it was huge. It was unbelievable. And there was like, yeah, they're like they sell animals in here. They do everything in here. They churn it, they earn it, whatever. Like they had a whole shirt like churn and yearn or whatever.

Starting point is 00:22:05 It was like their, it was like kind of an Amish. thing and then like, like, defeating, like, sexual sin or whatever. Right. They do that. But do you remember, I don't know if you told the story. My favorite, there's like two moments from the tour that were my favorite. The guy's hat blowing off. Have you told that on here?

Starting point is 00:22:22 No, I haven't told that. You remember, right? Yeah, it was like wizard work. Well, we were in Clear Lake, right? Yes. So what's cool about you, like, you want to do stuff in the town. Back in the day, I would tour with Bobby, and he just, he's like a vampire. He just closes, and he's in the darkness until it's time for the show.

Starting point is 00:22:37 But you actually want to hang out. So we got lunch. We're in the tour bus, right? He's like a Chinese vampire. I think he does Xbox or PlayStation until the show. He's fucking gooning. He's probably gooning. He started it, dude.

Starting point is 00:22:51 He's data from goonies too. He's patient zero for gooning. Yeah, okay. So we get lunch before the shows. And we parked on the outskirts. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then, so right before this even happened,

Starting point is 00:23:04 we're going to walk to the sandwich shop, because, you know, like, oh, it's rated pretty high on Yelp. So we're in the middle of nowhere pretty much. It's a beautiful town, right? Unbelievable. So nice. Like a Spielberg movie or something, this small town USA. We're just walking down the thoroughfare.

Starting point is 00:23:18 And it's blowing, like, you're not supposed to be. It's so weird to these people. They're like, then there's this guy, this heavyset guy, you know? He's like, what the fuck? Theo Vaughn. Oh, man, can I get a picture? And then he came up, but we were kind of running late. And he's like, you're like, sure thing, man, just, we're running a little late.

Starting point is 00:23:34 If you can, like, you know, keep up with us and we'll get that selfie. He's like, you got it. and then it was really, it was like really windy, so he, like, he gets up to you. And the wind just blows his hat off. Yeah, right when he got, right when he got up to you, go, who, he's like, oh, oh. So then, and it was, it was, like, bad wind. It went, like, a block away. It was bad win.

Starting point is 00:23:52 Like, it was like, that's one of the reasons why we were trying to get, like, it was like, dude, we're going to be late where we're going. We would have been on time, but the wind was, like, it was uphill when you were just flat. It was the worst winds that I'd ever been in. And it was beautiful day, insane winds, cloud seating. Israel. Go on. So the hat blows off. The guy gets it. He puts it on. He catches up to you. And it blew far. It blew far. It blew far. It blew probably. He was probably in zone too, trying to catch it. Like his heart rate was up.

Starting point is 00:24:22 Yeah. Yeah. It blew. Yeah. It blew in probably 60 feet, which is far on a windy day. And it kind of went around the edge of a truck. Like, it blew far. Yeah. We're like, holy shit. He tracked it down, put it on. Man, what are you doing here? I'm a huge. blows again. He runs. He repeats. He goes, he gets it. We're still walking. And my feeling starting

Starting point is 00:24:41 to get hurt a little bit at this point because it's like, dude, look, that hat's going to be here all the time. That's what we were thinking. That's what we were thinking.

Starting point is 00:24:51 This guy's going, he's a bigger fan of his hat. That's what it was. Than he is of you, I guess. And he kept kind of, he's like, just wait, just wait.

Starting point is 00:24:57 And we're kind of waiting but getting hit by the wind. And like, okay, go on. So it happens three times. He catches. it finally catches up with us, but it was just so funny. Like that whole day we were just laughing about the wind blowing that guy's hat and then, like, how absurd.

Starting point is 00:25:13 It was like one of those moments you're like, this cannot be real, right? Like it was just, hold on, you know? It was a cartoon. It was literally like a loony tune. And we'd have to sit there. At one point, we sat on a bench for like a little bit and waiting for him to go get his hat again. We're like, because the hat, like he just, I don't know, I think he also wore the lightest hats. It's like, dude.

Starting point is 00:25:33 It was like paper mache. He was made out of Kleenex. It would just blow off. It was made out of cleaning. He just sharpied New York on it. It's like a repurposed kite that Tom's is made and now they're making hats, you know. Yes, designed to blow off your head. And then we walked over to the surf ball.

Starting point is 00:25:51 Remember that? Oh, yeah. Where Richie Valens. Where Richie Valens and the Big Bopper where they played their last show, dude, before that plane crash. And it was still as intact as ever. It was like going back in the past. they were so happy we were there they like gave us a tour of everything you got to see the phone where they called like where he called his mom and he's like don't worry mom I'll be home yeah so much history there

Starting point is 00:26:13 and then we got shirts we got matching shirts we did I thank you for that shirt I've worn mine too it's a good shirt we should wear on the same show sometime yeah I'm like yeah we've been there we'll go there you know what we'll do dude we will go there and we got to go there and do some shows it was so like it was so nice I filed it away I'm like I should vacation here one time that's what exactly what I thought would be a cool vacation spot and I wish we're on Honestly, kind of wish we weren't even talking about because I don't want other people to know how great it is. But every yard there, everything, it was just kind of perfect.

Starting point is 00:26:41 Picture-esque. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And then I forgot what city this was in, but after the shows, you do meet and greet sometimes. You know you're really good about that. And so you're meeting your fans and then talking to them and all that. And then there's this girl in a wheelchair, very sweet.

Starting point is 00:26:54 You're talking to her. And then you have this rapport with her. And then you go, you know, if you don't mind me asking, like, may I ask what happened? Yeah, how did you get all wheeled? out. That's my big question. Because we don't know. Right. We got to know. And then she's like, oh, yeah, yeah. I, you know, it was a car accident. My car spun around and I got flung out of the car. And then, and then you go, now, now what kind of car was it? And I just, like, like, no other person on earth would drill down on what type of car it was. And then she's like, oh, I think it was like an oldsmobile or something. And then you're like, now is that a nice vehicle? I don't, did I really? Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:27:37 I like to try to add context just so I know. I know. It's like so you though. It's like my imagination to work if I don't know. Yeah, you wanted to paint the story, you know. Yeah. And different cars, I could see your body leaving out of it a different way. That's a good point.

Starting point is 00:27:51 If it's like a heavy older model car, you'd probably slip out the window, side window. It was one of these new cars, these little bouncing baby buggies or whatever. You'd fucking fly right out of the front of that pitch. Yeah, just on a left turn even. Yeah. Yeah. Just a windy day and clear. A recall.

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Starting point is 00:30:44 That's QUO.com slash Theo. Let's hog in Quo. Bro, that sandwich shop we went to. That was great, too. Yeah. One thing I noticed, too, about touring with you because, I mean, we've been friends. And I see at the clubs all the time.

Starting point is 00:30:59 but then hanging out with you outside of the clubs is a different thing because everyone is kind of famous at the club because those are comedy nerds and everyone knows someone. But then you're like famous, famous. And I just had an experience that firsthand because I always see you at the store

Starting point is 00:31:13 or I see it at the improv, you know? So we were, it would happen everywhere, like that sandwich shop and then I remember DQ especially. We're at the Dairy Queen place. I wanted to get like a blizzard. Oh yeah. And then you're like, I'll come.

Starting point is 00:31:25 We saw Mount Rushmore or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mount Rushmore. It's tinier than you think it'd be. We did like a whole family worth of vacationing in one week. We're basically in an RV. It's like we were doing a family vacation and happened to do these shows.

Starting point is 00:31:39 Dude, you guys went in a helicopter, didn't you? I didn't, because I'm afraid of that. Oh, yeah. You didn't. I didn't, because I got a deal out of those people. So I was like, they're, they're definitely. But Bizzle went, Lee went. I'm trying to think who else.

Starting point is 00:31:52 Yeah, Lee Kimbrill and, yeah, there we are, dude. I always, I mean, it was cool. It was definitely cool and impressive. but I thought it would be bigger. There's a lot of, like, kind of, there's like you park, you walk up. They do a good job of making it so you can't see it until you get there.

Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah, yeah. There is kind of the big reveal. They have all the flags along the side of different countries, which I don't even know why they have that. And then the craziest part about Mount Rushmore is there's another side to it where they were,

Starting point is 00:32:21 they're making the face of a Native American, right? Oh, that's right. I think originally it was public and then it got kind of privatized. And there was a man who was trying to do it with his sons.

Starting point is 00:32:34 Just with a hammer by himself. And an Xacto knife. And a sonic hair. He's just out there. A sonic hair. Do you think that's how they sold it to them? Like, all right, we're going to do the president. And then we'll get to the, like,

Starting point is 00:32:49 ah, we ran out of dynamite. They just bait and switched them. You're like, you mean the stuff you used to blow up all of our villages and lives in history? you didn't have just a little left over. He blew it all, ironically, yeah. Dude, this is so great while they're checking it out.

Starting point is 00:33:04 Thank you guys for checking. It's fun to see this pitch because I just sometimes that you just forget. Like you just go through so many places sometimes and it's almost like it bums you out in a way because I think it bums anybody out when you're traveling or anything you're doing. It's like you can only hold on to it so much, right? And then life gets going in.

Starting point is 00:33:23 Life's so busy now for everybody. the way we interact and the way there's like always entertainment, always something to keep us like, there's always like a seal with a ball on its nose hypothetically, you know? And it's, we forget sometimes just like the moments that we've had. I'm trying to be better about taking pictures. We have a phone in our pocket all times and I forget to, you know, I'll be at the store, there'll be some great moments or I'll be on tour with you. And I got to capture these moments where you kind of forget about them.

Starting point is 00:33:50 It's nice to go through your phone, go through your Instagram, be like, oh, that was a fun time. Oh, yeah. going through the best. Yeah, I think this is it right. Yeah, the Crazy Horse Memorial is a mountain monument under construction on privately held land in the Black Hills in Custer County, South Dakota. So that's a different mountain

Starting point is 00:34:06 or whatever, right? It's not on the same. Yeah, but it's right there. Henry Standing Bear a Lakota chief and well-known statesman and elder in the Native American community recruited and commissioned Polish American sculptor Korkzakzalowski to build the Crazy Horse Memorial. In 1939, November 7th, Henry Standing

Starting point is 00:34:24 mayor wrote to the Polish American sculptor who worked on Mount Rushmore under Gutson Borglum. He informed the sculptor, my fellow chiefs and I would like the white man to know that the red man has great heroes too. Wow. So that's putting like that tweet out there. That's like tweeting back then. Sending a letter just talking shit, just being the Draymond Green of like the Lakota Nation.

Starting point is 00:34:46 In June 3rd, 1948, Zialakowski detonated the first blast on the mountain and the memorial was dedicated to the Native American people. Work continues slowly over the next few decades since the Alkalowski refused to accept government grants. Ah. So he probably didn't want to accept them, I'm assuming, because it was like this is the government trying to put money into pay, like just to make it look a little bit better for what they did. Instead, as he stated on a 1961 guest appearance on a TV show to tell the truth, he raised money for the project by charging 75 cents admission to the monument work area. The more celebrated 75th anniversary in 2023. Crazy Ors's left hand was finished by 2024.

Starting point is 00:35:24 I wonder when it will be done I don't know well note here that the land is run by the U.S. Forest Service and they were just defunded so it's probably gonna I think that affects how long it takes shit I've got the hand though

Starting point is 00:35:38 it's kind of nice yeah I mean it's like at this point I would pivot yeah to what and I hate to say that but but you have the hand yeah right

Starting point is 00:35:52 do they haven't updated what It looks like, here we go. It looks like Bill Maher a little. Maybe that's the pivot. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Just real-time shoots there? Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:09 That's wild, dude. What if it was a huge mistake? They go, oh, we thought you wanted Bill Maher. They go, no, it was this Native American. Oh. Well, I opened up this attachment. I thought it was Bill Maher. I must have had my tabs messed up.

Starting point is 00:36:24 Yeah, I must have. Oh, I must have a different window open on my browser. Well, what do we do now? Well, I mean, we've blasted a lot of the mountain. Whose hands is it? I think it's Bill Maher's. It might be the other. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:36:38 Yeah. Yeah, maybe you go like Bill Maher with a Native American hand. That's a good compromise. Because you've got to do something, or you just open up a ring shop and chisel out the inside of the hand. I don't know what you do. That'd be kind of cool. Like, all they do is rings. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:52 And it's inside of a hand. Yeah. Yeah. I've thought about that before, dude. Somebody had a great name for a ring shop, dude. And every day I think about what it was, and I can't remember what it was. They'll come back to you. Yeah. Thank you, dude.

Starting point is 00:37:04 Of course. But yeah, the Crazy Horse Memorial started in 1948, still not finished. Oh, there's a good video about it right there, huh? He's ripped. Look at that. The horse and him are ripped. That's pretty wild. It's kind of centaur-ish a little, though.

Starting point is 00:37:17 The art. Yeah. Dude, sometimes when you look at stuff that's, like, going on in the world today, Like it's kind of crazy like you kind of look at things like you're like oh where there's like people being abused taking advantage of here right like there's a genocide here there's this this like uh senseless like propaganda ridden bombing and attacking over here right but then you look at also like that people like that that that that happened to native america too it's just like it's kind of like um a tale is oldest time which is so sad i know you think like yeah who opens for space? right now. Matt. Matt Kirshan? No, I love that guy though. Oh, Patrick Keene. And he has this joke. It's like, he goes, well, at one time there was like Joseph, Mary, Kane, and Abel, you know, and then Kane killed Abel. Did Cane kill

Starting point is 00:38:06 Abel? Perplexity. Load of. Perplexity. Who killed? It's like a, it's like the religious clue, the board game. That would always has it. Um, but he goes at one point in history, 25% of the population were murderers, which is just, for me, that was always like one of the best jokes, dude. He's like, there were four people and they couldn't figure it out and one of them killed one of the other ones. It's a hyper sad.

Starting point is 00:38:34 Just heartbreaking. Yeah. But it's just crazy. It's like sometimes you want to get, like, that's one part where I'll get agitated about things. But then I'm like, but, you know, I don't know. Life, a lot of life is suffering. Do you think that's true?

Starting point is 00:38:49 Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to make the best of what's in front of you and do what you can. do. But it's almost, I mean, I realize this later in life that a lot of life is like SimCity. It'll never be perfect, but you can get it as close to optimal as you can. But nothing will be perfect. You do something, then drug abuse goes up, you know, then you do this other thing, then the wait for the bathroom and the roller coaster line goes up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just life is SimCity. And there's not a perfect system, but like we're all striving to get there. And that's kind of hard to come to terms with when you're young. You just think,

Starting point is 00:39:22 everything should be candy pop rae or you know gum drops and lollipops but it's so hard to maximize utility for everyone because something's got to give eventually but we can do our best you know it's nice that we have that drive to do so

Starting point is 00:39:37 as humans yeah maybe we'll enter a new phase too where we realize like oh all this capital and all that bull it's like it's not nobody's winning with it you know all this like conquering you would think that like I kind of thought we're over like some of the colonialism shit

Starting point is 00:39:51 Well, even just like untethered capitalism, we're seeing the cracks in it right now. Yeah. We're like late stage capitalism right now, which is interesting. Like it's just kind of funny. Like, oh, Mr. Bees has a chocolate. The Rock has a tequila, you know. Beyonce has a toothpaste. You have to be, now all our products are just faces.

Starting point is 00:40:13 It's interesting. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, cavities. Yeah, like somebody the other day offered to come, was like going door to door. We're like, we'll come and spray your bugs. You have any bug? I don't know. You're like, oh, bugs always attack people who don't know if they have them. And I'm like, they're just using, like, they use like reverse psychology and stuff.

Starting point is 00:40:28 And they're like, oh, be quiet. Be quiet. And they're like, oh, do you hear that? That's, and they'll make up like a bug or something, you know? Yeah. Like that's like a fattet whasp or whatever, you know, or some bug it's like, and I'll believe that out. Sorry. But yeah, you're like, that's like a, you know, they make something up.

Starting point is 00:40:43 Like, oh, that's a fucking wasp from Tijuana or something, you know. Like, or those worse than regular wasp? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, they are. They're south of the boy. They're smarter. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:54 Oh, yeah. They're lost from home. They're angry. Yeah. If they made it all the way up here, they're angry. Yeah, yeah. They want to go. They're lost.

Starting point is 00:41:01 And the guy's like, we have to come and just spray tequila in your yard. And you're like, what? It's going to be top shelf. They know. They know the difference. Yeah. Oh, they know if they're getting the bunk shit. But yeah, they're just like, anyway.

Starting point is 00:41:15 So that, and then that dude had merch. He's like, you want to get some of my merch? And I'm like, merch. The exterminator had merch? Yeah. Yeah. Like, whoa. And that's when I was like, oh my God, we've hit this crazy place where it's like, you know, you could have like, like somebody's bleeding to death, an EMT shows up and neither one of them will help like, like, like, and the EMT won't help until you buy his merch.

Starting point is 00:41:36 Like he, or as he's setting up doing CPR, he sets up a little merch thing by it. Right. Or like a wristband like Coachella. Like, what tier coverage do you want? Yeah. All right. Then the paddles are in this tent. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:47 Yeah. Yeah. You want the full paddles. You just want to breathe in your, and you just want the hand. You want the hopeful hands. Right. Breathe this extra. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:54 We don't, you know, do you want one paddle or two? We give you like half a zap. Yeah. But if you want the full zap, it'll cost you. And what's the voltage?

Starting point is 00:42:02 It's a tiered program. Yeah, this is tiered man. We'll give you a trial zap. That's just a taste. Yeah. Just give your heart a taste. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Like, ooh, it liked that. I would upgrade. Seems like your heart wants that. Hey, the heart wants, what the heart wants, you know? And that's what his MERS said on it.

Starting point is 00:42:19 I'm like, that's crazy. It just, like, man, it's just gotten to be a crazy world, dude. Dude, you're so funny, man. You're one of the funniest guys that's ever existed, dude. I mean, I don't know about that, but you are, you're the guy that everybody goes to see.

Starting point is 00:42:35 That's kind of weird. I wonder if that feels, does that feel like pressure? Because that's a real thing. People will be like, maybe at the comedy store or whatever. I'm kind of niche. But still, you're like, Ophaheim's on, right? And you'll go watch. Because the rest of us are kind of like slithering, hopeful fucking like humor grifters, I think. No. But you're, you're

Starting point is 00:42:51 Like, you always bring something new to the table every time. I guess I just, I like new bits. Maybe that's a detriment. I remember when I was a young comic. I just, I loved new material more than crushing. So there were certain shows where maybe I should have been trying to impress agents or managers or execs, but I had a new joke that I won. I was just, I'm always itching to like throw out a new idea.

Starting point is 00:43:14 And when you're young, you don't really know how to navigate that as well. So I've just always been wired that way. I just love new material. So. It's kind of nice that now it's caught up with me and it's, it's an asset now where I know how to write a little faster. But yeah, I've just always been that way. I just like new ideas. Do you think like a lot of your ideas because you all, like I'll say something to you like, man, I'm not feeling well and you're like, too.

Starting point is 00:43:35 What if you make it sound like? What if you work? Like I have some superpower. Like I go in some fugue state when you mention something and I go in the papers start turning. What if? I'm perplexity. I should mention the guys. I've been perplexity the whole time.

Starting point is 00:43:50 Dude. you're like, yeah, I'm not feeling well. Like, dude, what if you weren't feeling well, but, like, there was like a bunch of bad guys chasing you, but you have to not feel well and still get away from them, you know? I do that. That's kind of a horrible example. No, but you capture the energy and I guess,

Starting point is 00:44:05 I'm kind of reserved generally if I don't know you, but like when something tickles me or I feel like I have a good idea or, like, we have a rapport, I've known you forever, and we're just having fun. And there's, I just love a good idea. So I get excited and then I'm, like, doing it, I don't even know that I'm doing it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:44:22 Like, you know, that's what it seems like, it seems like this thing. It's almost like when you pour a beer and it's somebody like pours it too fast and it's just going to come out of the glass no matter what. Like that's how it seems like with you whenever there's like some like it's like it's like it's almost like watching like an animal get excited kind of. It's like this. What about what about this? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:37 And then it's like you try to slot it in and you always slot it in like the best places. And then you're and you're not afraid to do act outs on stage either. Like you are not like, I mean, I know for a while you were doing, um, Lance Can. Can't stop. Oh, yeah. Can't stop us. Yeah. Lance.

Starting point is 00:44:52 Like the dancing shit was fucking crazy, bro. The, the rat tail, all that shit was breaking. I had this weave. I did it the mother ship maybe like two years ago, but I don't do it as much anymore. What's funny is I booked this. I did a video game. Adam Ray's doing it now, though. Not Lance.

Starting point is 00:45:12 He's doing a different thing. Oh, I'm joking. I thought, would it be great if now he's doing Lance? Can't Stop. He's doing Dr. Phil as Lance? It's like, hey, what's your name? Are you, are you two dating? Check out these dance moves.

Starting point is 00:45:24 Dude, that's so great. But yeah, bro, just your ability to like not be, like, I've always been physically fearful, right? Oh, really? Yeah. Like, I don't mind, like, kind of like. You move. Have you move around?

Starting point is 00:45:35 You know, like taking, like, ownership of the space. But to act out like something physically, that, like, scares me, bro. I guess when I was a kid, I, like, dancing was my first thing. So when I would do talent shows And what do you mean dancing? Like who was I just love dancing Who was funding it? You mean Hezbollah or whatever?

Starting point is 00:45:53 Like what even? They're dance wing? No, it's just, I mean, I grew up at Michael Jackson. I'm the generation that just like he was king And he was at his peak like the dancing and the singing And the music videos. So I would try to mimic it. And that was my first kind of like entry into this is so old.

Starting point is 00:46:12 It is. This is when I was working at Boeing and at Long Beach. Look at those pants. It's so old. Those are in. again. You look a little like Ari Manis. Bro, you fucking vines up, homie.

Starting point is 00:46:23 I mean, this dancing is not that great. I wouldn't have this as... We're keeping the wasps. They want to stay in party, homie. Your shit is popping. I downloaded Sony Vegas, and I'm just like putting all these filters on it because it's free. I think it's like industrial light and magic.

Starting point is 00:46:36 Like, check this out George Lucas. When was this? All the filters just like some hunter like looking through a scope, really. Yeah. That's the crazy part. Now he has glaucoma, the hunter. Now he's envious. This song is a bop, though.

Starting point is 00:46:50 If you watch it on real YouTube, that song's a bop. When was it? How many years ago? I don't know. So many years ago. 18, bro. That's crazy, dude. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:59 That's wild. And then I would go to a cubicle and do engineering. Thank God they didn't see my YouTube channel. How embarrassing would that be. So you were actually in organized dance? Not, no. Or was it funny? I would just do it by myself.

Starting point is 00:47:14 I would goon. I would dance goon. Oh, yeah. I would do it alone. I would just close the door, turn on Michael Jackson or any dance music and I would just dance in my room. I would dance in front of a mirror.

Starting point is 00:47:25 And there was a currency to that when I was a kid. Like to be the best dancer at school, you'd have school dances and then everyone knew who the good dances were and then you'd kind of like battle and there was social currency to dancing. I'm sure there still is. That's a good point,

Starting point is 00:47:39 but there was a lot of clout to that. It was like, oh, that guy's the dancer. It's like being the fastest kid at school. Remember how that was such a thing? Like the hottest girl would be with the fastest kid in school. Oh shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:49 Like, oh shit, Damien fast. Right. And then he loses one race and she's like, yeah, it's not working out. Yeah, or Damien gets diabetes

Starting point is 00:47:56 or whatever and he can't run as much. That's going to affect his 50 time, right? Yeah, the sugar got him coming up short. So I was just into dance. So I guess that's my foundation. So I'm comfortable moving my body. Yeah. And then when I got in a stand-up

Starting point is 00:48:08 when I was like 18 and when I'm on stage, like if I have the idea, I just do it. I don't even think about it. I don't have a fear of moving. Wow. That's crazy. And also it's an extension.

Starting point is 00:48:17 of the idea, if I have a bit and I'm in it, I don't even know that I'm doing it, honestly. Right. It's second nature. Dude, that's pretty great because it kind of gives you two instruments. It gives you the verbal instrument and then it gives you this whole other instrument. I do notice if I do yoga a good bit and the more that I do it, the more my body shows up in certain bits. And it's like, sometimes your brain will be like, oh, you can do this because you've been flexibly. You've been keeping active like your shit, like you're keeping your blood up, your vibes up.

Starting point is 00:48:44 Do this. You know what I'm saying? And you're like, oh, that fits. And it's like, it is interesting when you can, your ideas can use your whole instrument. For sure. And then you realize how much of comedy is nonverbal even. It's really cool to have a great joke and people are laughing. And then you can get another laugh on a movement. You haven't even opened your mouth.

Starting point is 00:49:04 It's just a look or a walk. That's kind of exciting. Then it feels like, oh, I have new colors to paint with with comedy, you know? Yeah, dude, that's, I mean, that's, I don't know it as well. I know what you're talking about. And there's moments, like there's some moments in my comedy where I'll feel that way. I've seen it. I'm trying to think this older bit you used to do, the meeting Brad Pitt.

Starting point is 00:49:26 Oh, yeah. You would do it with that. I mean, you still do it. You still do it. I'll still act out the thing, but I'll be a, like, I don't get into, I don't know, you get into this space where it's like, yeah, you're just this kind of thing that's kind of happening. I would love that as an intro, like this next guy is he's kind of a thing that's happening. not like in the trades order like right now

Starting point is 00:49:48 energetically ladies and gentlemen behemano are yeah that's kind of I just come out oh it definitely dude for one of your specials you have to do

Starting point is 00:49:57 somebody comes out rubs a lamp three times and then I come out it's called my special is called career suicide or you're just like

Starting point is 00:50:06 the janitor that comes a night and cleans up around the lamp but then you start to create this energy and this dream that would be more like you bro we have two movie ideas

Starting point is 00:50:14 this pod. We got the Goonies idea and then we got this. Yeah. Dude, there it is gooners, dude. That's so great. That's awesome. Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. Do you feel like,

Starting point is 00:50:33 because you've had, I mean, like, yeah, I think if people picked out like some of their favorite comedians, especially at the comedy store, because that's really kind of your home base, would you say? Yeah, yeah. Because I'm an L.A. comic and that's sort of like the place to be. There's three show rooms. I like working out there too.

Starting point is 00:50:48 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it really is. There's no better, if you can go to one spot in a night. Yeah. And especially once you're allowed to park in the back.

Starting point is 00:50:53 Oh, it's the best. Oh, that changes everything. Free parking. It's like I got in the stand-up just for the parking on Sunset Strip. Yeah, yeah. You always hear like, people say comedy in L.A. has changed.

Starting point is 00:51:04 L.A.'s like the scene is dead. The scene is different, right? Maybe not dead. I think you just hear different. Yeah. How have you seen it change? Like probably since COVID into now? And like, what do you think of,

Starting point is 00:51:16 like just where things are? I mean, we were in the heyday of the comedy storm. We didn't even know it before COVID happened, you know? Like, Rogan was there. Joey Diaz. Yeah, it was just juggernaut after juggernaut. These lineups were insane.

Starting point is 00:51:31 Tom Segura, Burr Presser. I mean, Whitney Cummings, Eliza Slessinger. I mean, and that was just like kind of people that were just there, you. And then you'd have, uh, but I was, I was, I was, like, middle of, like, these guys are fucking, like, Titans.

Starting point is 00:51:44 I was just kind of, it was kind of cool. to share that space. I'm still an unknown, but comedically and artistically, it's cool to be in the mix. Like, Louis drops in or burr, and then I go up after him. That's the thrill of the store

Starting point is 00:51:57 that, like, at the end of the day, it still is, it's like being good at something like a really good saxophone player. It's like jazz. You'll see somebody who's just, like, huge, and then you get to take the stage and you're there for a reason

Starting point is 00:52:11 and you have to, like, survive. You have to learn how to survive when you're younger, but then you get to hold your own. And that's cool because like audience members get to be hip to you. They're like, I came for Burr, but then I discover these other comments. That guy. And that happens now at the store too.

Starting point is 00:52:25 There's like young guys who are super funny. Yeah. And then they come because like they come to see you and then they get to see everybody else on the lineup. So we were in the heyday back then. COVID happened. People go to Austin. Some people go to New York. Some people just like go to Vegas or Nashville even, you know.

Starting point is 00:52:40 So it's not as big as it used to be. It's pared down a bit. But it's still an amazing club. and the shows are still really good. For sure. It's just that was insanity. And we didn't even know it at the time. Right, we didn't know it.

Starting point is 00:52:51 Do you think, what things do you feel like, because you always hear like people denouncing it kind of, not denouncing, it's not the term, but you hear like, like it's over, LA's over. Right. Is that okay to say that we hear that? We do hear it.

Starting point is 00:53:02 But what do you, but it's also every time something's over, whatever that is, there's always something new that's starting to. So like, what do you see that's like kind of the new things? Because I'm sure for like a lot of guys that couldn't get stage time. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:13 Like, um, it was probably, a hectic time for them. Guys and girls that couldn't get stage time like fuck you know it's like yeah you have all these guys who are able to sell tickets and they get all the

Starting point is 00:53:22 all the like the top eight spots or whatever and and it's I'm sure that was kind of like a clog in the system yeah I don't know that's right term but I think there's a life cycle for everything

Starting point is 00:53:32 it's nature these guys even I even saw it with you and some of like my other peers like were kind of middling comics or whatever and then you see everybody get really big and then they're on the road and that's awesome because

Starting point is 00:53:44 they're getting They're making money on the road. They're becoming more famous. And then that just naturally clears up stage time for this top tier at the comedy store. Because you're on the road. So, like, so-and-so's on the road, like, cigar or whatever. So now these guys get to get those reps in. And then they get really good.

Starting point is 00:54:01 And then they blast off. So there's this natural order of things. So when everybody went to, like, Austin and all that, it just kind of cleared space for the next tier. And now they're getting really good and stuff. And then hopefully they will flourish. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, I think there's always something new that's starting. So I guess that's what I was kind of wondering since I said, because I moved away, I was wondering

Starting point is 00:54:23 like, yeah, what kind of, like, do you feel like there's like a new thing that's happened there over the past few years? Just new shots for like younger guys. And also, L.A. will always be L.A. New York will always be New York. It'll ebb and flow from like how popping it is. But like, you know, dual leap is in the crowd. Right.

Starting point is 00:54:41 Or Sabrina Carpenter's in the, you know, like these things happen. it's still L.A. Yeah. Same thing with New York. So you, like, can't take that away from it. And, yeah, everything's cyclical. But then I also, the recent development, I think, is just as cool as that is, digital is the most important place to be.

Starting point is 00:54:59 Before you had to be in New York and L.A., now you just got to be on phones. So it's kind of cool how it's a democratized comedy. Now you can be a funny kid in Clear Lake Iowa or anywhere and just talking to camera. And you have just as much of a shot as, like, me at the company. comedy store or some other person at the mothership or so it's really even the playing field which is which is kind of cool the most important place is digital but if you're talking about just stand up the craft i think la new york austin are still great yeah you know what's a pain in the as

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Starting point is 00:56:23 Dot com slash Theo. There's no F in there because they don't F around. Who's one of your favorite people that you've seen just being at the comedy store and sometimes we'll get to see like celebrities or something will come in there? Yeah, I saw. Tarantino Knight, you were there, remember? You got to talk to him, didn't you? He's in, I shot that special.

Starting point is 00:56:44 hat trick at the comedy store. And then the person who was shooting me had the cameras rolling. So I have it on film, me and Tarantino talking. And then I was going to clear it with him, but I go, I don't want him to say no. So I'll just put it out there. What if you're saying bad stuff? Like, you know, I'm eating babies, right? I'm eating them.

Starting point is 00:57:03 I'm getting their life force. And I'm like, this is great. Keep rolling. No, just super nice. Super complimentary. It might have been the night you were there, too. I think I was there. I tried to go up and I kept getting pushed to a different room.

Starting point is 00:57:14 So I think you brought me up in the OR and had a good set. And it was just so surreal. Tarantino comes out and he's like, I want to talk to the cool guy. And he points to me. What? And then we're just talking. And then all these other comedians come and he's holding court. He's talking about Pam Greer and Jackie Brown because he's just a fan.

Starting point is 00:57:34 He's a fan of comedy. He's a fan of cinema. He just has this childlike exuberance to him. So we were just talking and he's in the thing and we ended up keeping it in. but it was so surreal. That was probably one of the bigger ones, Tarantino. I just remember even the wake of that night,

Starting point is 00:57:49 he's here. Oh, when Jim Carrey was there, that was a crazy night. Was that when they were trying to cast for, I'm dying up here? And that's how Santino got cast. And Eric Griffin,

Starting point is 00:57:58 he saw them that day. Yep. It's kind of crazy. Somebody could just see you and then something like that happens and they end up on. Yeah. There you go, dude.

Starting point is 00:58:06 Yeah. Those were great. If I ever, Chris Rock has ever come in. I remember when Louis came in years ago and he was like in the whole way and he was like after like the, the Academy Awards or whatever

Starting point is 00:58:16 and he had on a suit and it was like, dang Louie. That's so crazy. And it was like... I saw Travolta one time in the parking lot. Really, dude? He was just hanging with Tommy Lee.

Starting point is 00:58:26 Tommy Lee, I've seen him a few times. Yeah. So it's cool, but I've been accustomed to it. So I'm jaded with Tommy Lee. But every now and then Tommy Lee will like a reel of mine. And it's just so surreal.

Starting point is 00:58:40 I'm like, whoa. That's dope, dude. What world is this? He and I were just texting the other day. he's doing real well and it's like so we were talking about our recovery programs he's fucking all what a life some people or what are just interesting existence but the highs and lows of it all too yeah you know dray i saw dray one time in the parking lot you saw dr dr dr who's the biggest you saw uh or you saw andre i goddala yeah that that's what i tell people

Starting point is 00:59:10 i saw dray they go holy shit iguadala I'm the only person who calls him Drey, other than his mom, maybe. I call him Dr. Drey, just because I think he's a doctor of basketball. Who's the biggest person you saw at the store? I mean, John Mayer, when I would see him someone. That was always interesting, because I've always, like, had such an esteem for his, like, word, like the way he does words, like, you know. I saw him walking down one time because he would go to roast battle a lot.

Starting point is 00:59:42 Yeah, and he'd be, like, him and Jeff Ross are close and stuff. so I know I'd see him over there. Oh, I ate shit in front of John Stamos one time. Oh, that would hurt. Yeah, it was late at night. This was when I first got past, so I'm getting super late spots at the comedy store, probably going up at 1.30 a.m.

Starting point is 00:59:57 I think Jeff Ross is hanging. So he comes with Jeff Ross sometimes. Jeff Ross and then Stamos. And maybe they tied one on. I think they'd been like... Having a good time. Yeah, yeah. So he's eating chicken fingers.

Starting point is 01:00:10 It's his back. So I'm not even getting full Stamos. I'm getting back. Stamos. Oh. And then I would get this every now and that. And then back to the fingers. And like,

Starting point is 01:00:21 uh, hey guys. Oh, you ever notice, noticed this? Bro, that's crazy. Damn,

Starting point is 01:00:32 at least he checked back in. That is nice. Sometimes they'll sit a blind guy to save money. They'll sit a blind guy by the side of the stage just facing away from the stage and shit. Like, sometimes they do that shit. At least point him towards you.

Starting point is 01:00:43 Let me believe. Yeah, dude. Let me believe he's checking me out. Fuck, he's just sitting here like a broken. compass over here, dude. I'm trying to think of who else

Starting point is 01:00:53 that I saw there. Oh, dude, I remember they said the guy, remember that show Family Matters? Yeah. Remember the cop? Oh, Winslow. Yeah. Carl Winslow. That's not his real name, right? That's his character name. Carl Winslow. They said that his

Starting point is 01:01:08 grandson, like his Reginald-Vail Johnson, they said his grandson was in the audience one time and people were like losing their shit. I'm like, and I was so nervous. I had like not so funny. You could be nervous over the Family Matters cop being in the crowd? His grandson.

Starting point is 01:01:27 Oh, his grandson, though. And so, but it was like the first time I was in, I was in. I was, dude, fucking RVJ's grandson is in the crowd. At first I was like, who the, yeah, I couldn't figure out RVJ, you know. I thought it was just somebody who was dumb who was like trying to talk about a politician or whatever. And then they're like, no, Reginald-Vell Johnson dude, the cop from Family Matters, his grandson is here.

Starting point is 01:01:45 And I was like, fuck. I'm going to fucking. And I remember pacing back. backstage being so far just like I just couldn't handle that there was like somebody who like knew somebody from TV that was in the fucking crowd and I fucking bombed it you go oh no oh I bombed dude my favorite moment that ever happened though one of anyway spade telling me that he thought something was really funny one time was awesome um but one time Damon Wayans was there oh wow and senior yeah from in living color

Starting point is 01:02:15 and I grew up like same here man oh oh just like He has this one, like, it's a laugh sound that he makes it. It's like only he makes it. And it's not even a laugh. It's just like a, oh, oh, oh, something like that. It sounds like a fucking, a bird that's like semi-interested, right? Like a beautiful bird that's semi-interested. But during my set, I heard him make that laugh that I had, I'd heard him use as a character from when I was a kid.

Starting point is 01:02:42 And, bro, it was just so, it was crazy to me. Like, at one thing I said, he laughed. or he made that sound at it. And that was enough. It's such validation. Yeah. Because we grew up with these guys and they were everything to us. Even just being on a show with Spade or just talking to Spade, that was my era of S&L.

Starting point is 01:03:03 Spade, Sandler, Farley. That's why I got in a stand-up comedy. For real. I love that show so much, SNL. Everyone can make it on social media now. Everything's fractured so much. But back in the day, if you wanted to do anything in comedy, you had to touch SNL. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:18 So that was everything. That was TikTok. That was Instagram. Anything comedy was SNL. That was Mount Rushmore. And I go, I want to do this. I want to work in the space. How do you get on SNL?

Starting point is 01:03:30 I fired up my modem. Yeah. And I unspooled it like fucking dynamite to plug into the wall. Yeah. It was a controlled demolition to get on the internet. And you applied to Boeing. Right. You're like, I'll show them.

Starting point is 01:03:46 Well, pretty much though, because I research. I go, how do people get on SNL? And I saw that they came from one of two camps. They came from improv comedy. So Second City, UCB, groundlings, you know, yes and in, creating these scenes. Or they were stand-up of comedians like Kevin Nealyn, Sandler, Schneider, Spade, Eddie Murphy. They were all stand-ups. So then I researched all the improv schools like UCB and Second City.

Starting point is 01:04:12 I'm some kid in Seattle. I'm like, what are these schools? Okay, they're all in L.A., New York, Chicago. I'm not there. I can't do that. You have to pay money to do it. My parents already don't want me to be doing comedy. It's like clown college.

Starting point is 01:04:25 They're already against it. I can't say I'm going to pay money to go to clown college. And then stand up. I go, oh, I'll do that because I just got to show up. And I get as much as I get out of it. Or I get as much as I put into it. And I can count on me. I don't need improv partners.

Starting point is 01:04:38 I can just. Yeah. Yeah, you get everything as a standup. Whatever you put in, you get out if you have the aptitude for it. So that's why I got in a standup because I wanted to get on SNL. So it's so crazy to be at the store And then just talking to Spade I know

Starting point is 01:04:51 I remember being a little kid Sitting cross-legged Watching the TV And thinking Spade lived in a box Spade lived in a magic box Yeah And now he's writing down notes

Starting point is 01:05:02 Before going on stage And then bringing me up in the OR And it's not lost on me It's crazy This timeline that we're on Yeah I know it's hard to consider It's hard to like

Starting point is 01:05:12 It's such a just a good reminder To think about Yeah like just also that all the humor that's come before you all the or whatever line of work are you in all the things that have come before you like like whether you're a mechanic you're using like a new type of like ranch or some sort of new piece of equipment or something like people were mechanics for years doing that and got to that place or like some machine that makes your job easier or some new way of doing it or like I don't know yeah just you forget that like all these people

Starting point is 01:05:42 have gone up over time on stage to try and say something or whatever to try and get somebody to feel something or them to feel something or you to feel something. Yeah. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Now that you're all part of this timeline. You're all part of this, and they happen to be a generation or so above,

Starting point is 01:05:58 and then you don't know at the time when you're a kid, but then you do the same thing for long enough and then you become a part of that fabric. And they were just people like you were at the beginning, but at a different phase of their becoming a butterfly or whatever it is. And what's mind-blowing too is these guys that I just thought were Titans of comedy

Starting point is 01:06:16 and could do no wrong and were blowing my mind to learn as you get older that they were afraid of being fired week to week on SNL. To hear Spade talk about that or Norm would talk about oh yeah, we thought we were going to get fun. Or even Sandler.

Starting point is 01:06:30 They thought about firing Sandler. You go, what? You or Chris Farley? Yeah. Yeah, just that any of them sat in that place like. That they were having self-doubt like that during what I thought was just

Starting point is 01:06:44 the pinnacle and peak of comedy. I thought they were crushing it so hard and they were worried. That's mind-blowing. And then almost validating for the feelings you have because I have that sometimes. And I go, oh, that's just a human experience. Sometimes you think that they're celebrities

Starting point is 01:06:59 and everything's gravy because that's the packaging. That's what you portray. That gets jobs. But then everyone is having a human experience inside of it. And it makes you feel less alone. Like, oh, okay.

Starting point is 01:07:12 Even Spade and Sandler felt what I'm feeling right now. Right. Even they were taking a breath like, what do I do next or what's going to happen now? Yeah. Am I going to get fired? Was that good?

Starting point is 01:07:23 I hope people will like it. Yeah. Same exact three things. It's like, yeah. There's questions I've asked myself since I've really joined the workforce at 14. Really? What was your first job? My first job,

Starting point is 01:07:36 but my adult first job was working in Italian pizza. Uh Worked at pizza Worked in pizza for a while Oh the name of it Huh Do you know the name? BJs?

Starting point is 01:07:49 Yeah Wait the chain No Is it different BJs? That's the crazy part We were like an outlier BJs And it's supposed to so It's supposed to

Starting point is 01:08:00 It's supposed to stow for blackjacks But people would get drunk in there And just start yelling Blow jobs at us kids Who are working the counter right And we'd make up fake orders For pizza deliveries Like Danny Glover wants a pizza

Starting point is 01:08:10 Because our guy who delivered Was a born-again Christian He didn't watch television or any movies. So he didn't know any celebrities at all. So he'd make up like Danny Glover

Starting point is 01:08:17 once a pizza out on an old military road. So he'd go deliver that bitch while he was gone and just tried there's no way for him to fucking

Starting point is 01:08:23 connect to this while he's gone. So for 30 minutes he's gone. We'd be deep frying fucking beer, dude. We would pour beer

Starting point is 01:08:29 deep fry and fucking eat it. We'd get hammered dude and he'd come back and be like couldn't find the address, you know? Hmm. Oh well.

Starting point is 01:08:37 Oh, well. But anyway, we're rambling. Here's an old lineup from the comedy store Oh yeah Here's just a great lineup right here Thank you there's Fang Chow Adam Ray

Starting point is 01:08:52 Argus Hamilton Owen Smith Jeff Ross Who is Maybe we should black that out Because she It's a super famous person Who doesn't use their real name So let's maybe black that out

Starting point is 01:09:05 When we air it And if you black it out And if you if you do black it out and I want to put a name over it you could put Allie Wong Who else? We got Rick Ingram

Starting point is 01:09:21 Andrew Santino You and me right there Bro Dude is there anything Like kind of scary or funny Or like just all of it Whenever like you get to bring you Like when you're set over

Starting point is 01:09:35 It's kind of like a relief moment And then you get to bring somebody else up It's like getting out of the pool and drying off and knowing you peed in it. Uh-huh. You know? Well, that's a skill you have to learn because not a lot of places do tag team like this.

Starting point is 01:09:48 So when you first, when you get past there, you have to get used to it. Because most shows have an MC. And you do your time, and the MC comes up and then brings up the next person. This is all you go up, bring somebody else up. They bring the next person up. So you have to get in that mode of like my sets over.

Starting point is 01:10:03 Now I've got to turn into host mode. It's like Agent Smith. Like, all right, this next guy. You know, you do your last joke and you go, how's everybody doing fantastic? The show keeps getting better. And you don't know how to do that when you're young. Yeah. But then you've been there so long now.

Starting point is 01:10:17 You finish your set. You're like, all right, this next guy is hilarious. You're going to love him for Hemanwar. And then it's just very cool to go up after each other. Yeah. Yeah, dude. It is magic. And just you get to be in a place where you see other people and stuff like that, you know,

Starting point is 01:10:31 where you see a lot of people and see what's going on. Yeah. It was like a place to be too at night. It was like, it was like, okay, I don't need to be at a nightclub. I never do any of the nightclub. nightclubs that were popping or any of that stuff. Because I just didn't know it was like, that's where I'll be.

Starting point is 01:10:44 You don't so weird. I know, like the nightclub scene, I never went and it's weird because I dance. So people think like, you must go to nightclubs all the time. Like, I don't.

Starting point is 01:10:52 It's so weird being good at dancing and then hating going to a nightclub. I have a private relationship with dance. I want to dance in my room. I don't want to go to some like laser place. Yeah. And like dance. That's not fun for me. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:06 I like dancing by myself. Yeah, well, some trans male man. over there trying to fucking drop something in you drink, you know. He's like, oh, I got an overnight for you. You don't know. Yeah, I mean, that looks like fun, but I don't want to do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:18 Good for John Hamm. But that's not really my speed. Dude. So I don't forget how much, how great was it, though, Michael Jackson, bro. Growing up during the Michael Jackson area. Yeah. They see you be me on the sun at day. It took me a while to realize what song you were singing.

Starting point is 01:11:37 I'm like, this is the Theo. remix. Me too, because I don't remember. I remember like a little bit of all of them, though. It's like, oh, I just going to kiss it out in my eye. Black or white. Bro, when Black or White came out. That was like early AI. Black is white. Bro, that shit was so good, dude.

Starting point is 01:11:57 Bro, that shit was so good, dude. I remember those videos coming out too. It would be like a movie coming out. The world premiere of Black or White sitting down from the TV. wasn't McCulley Culkin he like got it going like yeah yeah bro black or white

Starting point is 01:12:14 when did it premiere let's look at it Michael Jackson biopic Michael first reactions that's oh that's coming out on April 22nd yeah that just came out oh it just came out did we do better than it

Starting point is 01:12:25 at the movie theater this week it wasn't for this week it says bus boys crushes Michael I've got that thing memorized though respect we did best for like dude I saw congrats man I saw the weekend put that out there to people

Starting point is 01:12:37 Or is that kind of like put out like this is how much we did for the week or whatever? I think just showing what it is and being like blessed like, I mean, it is really cool that the fans showed up like that. Oh, we'll never make our money back. No, I think you will on streaming and stuff because that's pretty good. I read it was pretty good for an independent. Per screen, it was fourth highest of all movies left last weekend. Per screen. Let's go, dude.

Starting point is 01:13:01 I didn't even know that. Michael Jackson's Black or White music video premiered November 14th from 19th, 9th. 1991 as a massive global event. Directed by John Landis, the 11-minute short film aired simultaneously in 27 to 69 countries with an estimated 500 million viewers. Bro. Man.

Starting point is 01:13:22 People forget. That was when we... 500. We were all like, it felt like every... You could meet somebody from another language, even somebody that was in a coma, and you could at least both knew. Yeah, you knew Michael.

Starting point is 01:13:34 But you couldn't speak the language, but then you... like grab your dick and he goes oh me me me too me and then he would lean yeah you do i love watching old michael jackson tour footage because it's just it's just so fun to watch and because he was the biggest thing on earth and you'll see like european 35 year old men fainting like yeah my god my god literally getting gurneyed out did this guy this guy went by himself he went with his bro. Like,

Starting point is 01:14:07 I would have to get a new job or something. His brother's waiting in the car probably. Yeah. Like, yes. Yeah, there it is right there.

Starting point is 01:14:13 Who's doing this to people today? Nobody. Maybe Bieber. Yeah, but, but I mean, not to this degree. Not like that.

Starting point is 01:14:22 No one's doing that. And look how old they are. Bieber is, they're younger. These are like 40-year-old they have a family. Yeah, this is someone.

Starting point is 01:14:29 This is someone's grandpa. This is, and he's just standing there. He's just standing there and they're fainting. Like, imagine paying all this money to go see Michael Jackson and he's standing like a statue and you wake up in the hospital. You spent all that money? And they go, where's Michael?

Starting point is 01:14:47 They go, Michael left. He's in Barcelona now. I saw him remove his glasses. And that's all I remember. Well, he did all his songs and he glided. I miss it. Yeah, you miss it again. Every time.

Starting point is 01:15:03 He's like, I swear I won't faint this time. Yeah, he promises his whole family won't faint. He wears something like a neck brace. Yeah, something just to keep his blood like in the clock record. Yeah, he tapes his eyes open. He's like, not this time. He has like three mortgages to pay for these Michael Jackson tickets that he always faints through. Dude, God, Michael Jackson was a thing.

Starting point is 01:15:26 And that was one thing at school that all the kids could do like, yeah, it's something. It was more about the. dancing. Kids weren't trying to like out Michael sing each other. We weren't like it was more about the moonwalk. We didn't come to recess like

Starting point is 01:15:46 yeah, dude you had the moonwalk. My shit was a little bit more like the Pluto fucking shuffle boy. My shit was fucking my shit had a limp and a hell of bit of swag in it. I got to remember this story. I just heard this story actually today was like a secondhand story that one time Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson they went out together

Starting point is 01:16:05 Like just all they were all going out on the town. And Michael had a bunch of chicks with him. Michael Jackson had a bunch of chicks with him. And Tyson was like, hey, which one of these girls is with you? Just so in case I'm flirting with one or whatever. And Michael Jackson told him, they're all with me. Get your own bitches. That's what I heard.

Starting point is 01:16:23 And I really heard that. Wow. I heard that. I actually heard it today. I just love hearing that story like through the filter of his voice. They're all with me. Get your own bitches. And it's funny, they both kind of have similar falsetto voices.

Starting point is 01:16:39 Oh, yeah. Hey, Michael, how many of these can I, I don't want to step on any toes. They're all my bitches. Get your own iron mic. That's uncalled for Mike. That's uncalled for Mike. Whatever, Mike. This is the battle of falsetto mics.

Starting point is 01:16:57 Bro, you didn't even have to have any friends, I bet, when you're a kid, dude. You're just fucking doing your own thing. Well, I get the idea, but I mean, I don't. I don't eat breakfast and I'm just like talking to myself and the like this is fun because we're just like riffing and shit but I'm not eating Cheerios

Starting point is 01:17:13 and I'm like what if what if a set of Cheerios I'm eating? Do you notice? So you like you so you your imagination must be pretty active. You probably have an active imagination. I think it's the same thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:22 Do you notice there's things that kind of damn it kind of or do you notice you've ever noticed certain times or in your life or like kind of periods that you've gone through or even like things you've like or activity, something you've engaged in every time.

Starting point is 01:17:33 You're like that I notice that that takes away like it kind of dims like my brain's ability or medication even i'm just asking just curious because we never think about like what we do and how it affects our imagination yeah yeah i mean i'm i'm very personality and energy based like if i feel comfortable and safe i can have fun and be these ideas will come to me and i feel comfortable sharing them but if i if i don't know someone as well i'm i just find it's happened enough times where i'm like kind of reserved and i go in and i'm and i'm I'm not so forthcoming with ideas or whatever. I'm just kind of like in myself.

Starting point is 01:18:10 So I have to have, because I think at the end of the day, I am an introvert, even though I do stand-up. So it's kind of weird if you're at a party and they're like, you're a stand-up. I'm not really talking or anything. But in my mind, I'm like, I don't know you. You know? It's just, maybe some people have a stereotype of what a stand-up comedian is

Starting point is 01:18:28 where they're at a party and they're like, how much is a polar bear way, way, enough to break the ice. I'm behem, I do, well, got your nose. You know, I just kind of lay in the cut because I don't know anybody. Yeah. And I'll latch on to whoever I know, but I'm not like a social butterfly and I'll observe and all that. But I can't have real fun unless I'm accustomed to you and I know you and we have history. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:50 There's some comfortability. Then my creativity can think can come out. So I've just noticed that. Yeah. So it's kind of like energy based. Even doing Rogan. Like Rogan's so awesome. He's afforded me a career.

Starting point is 01:19:03 Like you a career. Same for me. So many of our peers owe so much to him. Like I'm able to tour and like you make a living and stuff and it's awesome. But I just, I don't know him as well as I know you and that show is so big and stuff. And I feel like I can't be as me as as I can with you. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:22 He's also an elder. He's a few generations above me in stand up. So I feel like I can't be as silly as maybe, but then you're a silly guy too. Well, yeah. I mean, Joe's probably, he's probably only one generation ahead of us. maybe that. Yeah. But he likes information

Starting point is 01:19:37 and he's like To figure things out. Yeah. Joe's like a learner. Yeah. You know, like the rest of us are out of here. The rest of us are most of the time out of here

Starting point is 01:19:44 kind of gooning around. And what about South American wasps? Yeah. What's your take on that? But Joe's like a, he's generally like a curious dude. Like he's like super curious. And he really is.

Starting point is 01:19:55 And this guy, he remembers everything. That's got to be almost, I wonder if that's almost hectic sometimes. To retain all that information. I'm so envious of guys like, like Rogan who know so much or Dave Smith or Tim Dylan

Starting point is 01:20:07 they're so well read and worldly me too and I'm like it'd be funny if some guy fainted on him Michael Jackson I feel so dumb but it's just different you know

Starting point is 01:20:17 we need Joe to like you need somebody that was just gonna interview everybody like I'm gonna talk to every single person I'm not gonna have too much say so in it or anything you know I always think he's done a pretty good job

Starting point is 01:20:27 of staying unbiased about stuff like and then sometimes he steps in when he feels like you know he tries to like like we all do like say this is really how I feel about something. I was on a show a couple weeks ago and people were giving him a hard time online about him like not being supportive like about antidepressants or something.

Starting point is 01:20:46 And people take a clip and make it like a big deal. But I didn't feel that way at all like in our conversation, you know? So sometimes it's so weird the things that people clip. I think it's so big and it's so singular that people like adding their spin to whatever it is. You can take any clip and add tech. to it and then you're funneling people's viewpoint into that. So much of what we do is just the clipped version of it. Yeah, that's a good point.

Starting point is 01:21:10 People have so much agendas. I think that's what's great about the show is that it breathes for three hours and have all these different people and then people kind of decide for themselves. But the whole clipping on X is kind of, that's like a game genie is cheating. Yeah, it feels a little cheating sometimes. Yeah, but people were like, yeah, he's not supportive and stuff. And I've never felt anything. In fact, as I've gotten to know him better over the years, which is, which is he's such a busy dude.

Starting point is 01:21:34 I think. Like imagine like I look at my phone. It's like my mom's texting me. You know, she's like also send me some emojis that aren't always most positive. And some of them I think means things that she doesn't even know they mean. So a couple of veggies. She sent me. Mom, you should never be. Don't tell me you're making eggplant. Just say eggplant. Yeah. Yeah. Just make it. Don't even bring it up. Or she uses like that open mouth emoji all the time. And I'm like, what are the tongue out? She's like, it's kind of crazy. She's like, it's kind of crazy. She's like, it's like, you're like, you're like, It's so hot today. It's just squirt, squirt, squirt. It's so hot today. Squirt, squirt, squirt. So hot today, I'm going to make a couple of eggplants. And I'm like, dude, what are you? God, she's just, she loves gardening.

Starting point is 01:22:15 So it's just like, you know, it's just navigating shit like that. But imagine you're Joe Rogan, you open your phone up. It's like Elon Musk has probably texted you, you know, like some guy, like some guy who's name you can't even read from like another country who wants to come on your podcast. They're like beg, you know. And then your wife also wants stuff. You have kids or asking you. Just like, he's like a.

Starting point is 01:22:34 thoroughfare for humanity. Sure. And he'll still text us back. It's crazy. I'll text them and then even to book his show. He's like, how does he does it? I know. He doesn't, I mean, not to call you.

Starting point is 01:22:44 I mean, you have a producer. I love you. But like, it's fine to get a, everybody else that's producers. Rogan is like, hey, how's, how's this day sound? I know. That's bananas.

Starting point is 01:22:54 Yeah, dude. But sometimes it's like we don't watch the whole episode and people don't know things. Yeah, well, we live in a hot take society too. It's kind of crazy. Well, there's money in it. So there's money, there's attention. in his views.

Starting point is 01:23:04 So you just have to pull back and try not to be so susceptible to it. Like as you get older, just realize, okay. Yeah, I think sometimes it's like, I don't know. But yeah, I felt, yeah, I mean, in that instance, or with that specific thing with Joe, it just felt like, man, I wish this isn't what I felt like happened, you know?

Starting point is 01:23:23 Yeah. And, yeah, and he's just, he's been super supportive. He always kind of checks in over the year. Like, he's gotten a little bit more real check-in or invite me out to dinner with his wife and his kids. Like little things like that. It's like, where I know it's hard. It's probably hard for him to even be around a lot of people a lot because it's just a lot of energy you give out.

Starting point is 01:23:39 I remember we went to dinner in Austin one time. It was him, Tony, Lex Friedman. I'm trying to think who else. Who else? It was like a bizarre. You're like, what is this life, you know? We're at some Italian restaurant. And then he changes the gravity of a, he's so big.

Starting point is 01:23:56 You forget. Again, it's one of those things of like I see him at the comedy store all the time and I just see him as a comedian. I know him as that. but then you enter the real world and you kind of see how everyone else reacts to the same person. So we're eating dinner and then this pasta would hit the table

Starting point is 01:24:11 every now and then. And then we look up and there's like a 45 year old woman just like throwing pasta to get his attention. She's like, hi. And he's like, yeah? Yeah, I just, you know, I just want to say hello? And he's like, why don't you

Starting point is 01:24:27 come downstairs and say hi like a normal person? He's like, okay. I don't want to bother you Or If we're throwing pasta Is way worse than just I don't know what was going through The lady's head

Starting point is 01:24:40 But she was just throwing pasta on the table That's Italian emails brother That's all That's all it is Rode is hum and warm pasta At Joe Rogan's table That's fucking crazy But yeah

Starting point is 01:24:52 Anyway I think it's got to be I don't know Sometimes you think of What is it like to be him Because he's an interesting guy There's a question I want to ask you

Starting point is 01:25:01 Can I do that? Yeah, sure. So, okay, we were doing one of the shows, and then, I don't know if you even heard it, you're on stage. And then some random person was like, talk about road rules. Oh, yeah. And to me, it's just so absurd because you've done so much past beyond that. Yeah. You're kind of like, you're like, does anybody even remember that?

Starting point is 01:25:20 How do you take it, that part of your life? And then what was that kind of fame? Because that was, MTV was huge. That's sort of like what TikTok is now or being a streamer. That's a good point. I never thought about it. a correlation like what that's what TikTok is now. Yeah, think about any young person

Starting point is 01:25:35 who's famous MTV was that for us. That was like the vessel. Well, it's probably where Michael Jackson premiered on, I'm guessing, that it's probably, one of the networks that it premiered on because I think MTV was semi-universal at the time.

Starting point is 01:25:47 Yeah, that was our TikTok pretty much. If you wanted anything young, it was that. Yeah. And I also had this thought too, like young people today have it so nice that the entertainment they watch is made by young people. When we were growing up, we were watching like balding 30-year-olds

Starting point is 01:26:00 try to be in high school on TV shows. And some of them were probably touching the kids they were working with. Maybe. Maybe. We don't know, but all the... There's a pretty good chance that that was happening. But we were watching an approximation of youth.

Starting point is 01:26:15 You know? Like, that's because that's all we had. We were watching Yo Mama. We were watching Wilmer Volderama host different factions of Yo Mama groups. Yeah, now if you're 10, you can find a 10 year, like, or now if you're 20, you can find it, you can find like, somebody who speaks to you. Right.

Starting point is 01:26:29 That's a good point. I never thought about that exactly. Because even, like I'm trying to think. Like, yeah, MTV, it was like older people. People who were watching, though, were 12 or 13. It slanted younger. But you had to watch, like, these are the youngest people I see on TV, but they happen to be 20 or 25.

Starting point is 01:26:47 Like 902.10. How old were they during shooting that? They were probably 26-ish, I would bet. Maybe. Like, one of them was full on, like, balding. That's a good point. And he was in high school. I'm like, this isn't a teacher?

Starting point is 01:26:58 They gave a teacher a backpack Bro, remember that? Yeah, those were the shows Who would sit and watch us Oh, dude, 90210 was like It was the show for my family And then I'll get back and answer your question too Because I don't want you to think

Starting point is 01:27:12 I was trying not to answer it That was the show for my family We were like, we were all At it's Shannon Doherty Jenny Garth Tori spelling Brian Austin Green Jason Priestley Luke Perry

Starting point is 01:27:24 Ian Zering Gabrielle Carteris 29 years old Yeah, I mean, I mean, some of them are young Yeah, some of them make sense But some of them are a stretch And this is when it started too So by the end They were all mid-20s

Starting point is 01:27:36 Right But dude, yeah That show was the show We're like Probably I'd watch with three of my siblings And we were all like two years apart So we all had like different Like one of us was watching

Starting point is 01:27:50 Maybe it was like cool about school Because it was cool This is at a high school And one of us was watching Because like you know We hadn't gotten here about things That like older kids do Or anything like that

Starting point is 01:27:57 And then one of us was just watching to see Like if there was any leg shown or anything like that Or a little bit of sexy time or something You know But yeah dude that was a fucking juggernaut How many people watch that show? I wonder so many I'm sure It was unbelievable

Starting point is 01:28:14 Luke Perry passed away a few years ago didn't he? Yeah And Shannon Doherty Oh Yeah that show was wild dude Yeah for the road rule stuff The crazy thing for me was sometimes I can't even remember it.

Starting point is 01:28:29 It's that long ago. It's that long ago, I think. And I think I've just had like, you know, we get busier. And like with comedy, you're doing a lot of stuff. Like, you're performing in a lot of, like, you know, you get up almost every night. And so I think that starts to, you know, that starts to take over a lot of space. One thing that was, I think, in hindsight, a blessing about that experience was that I kind of got to be, like, you got a level of popularity there. But you didn't, like with doing road rules being on MTV, but you didn't have any money, right?

Starting point is 01:29:01 So you had no, and you had no, the only way you could get like any, like, kind of, you had to keep going back to them to if you wanted something else. You know, you just had to be in their world. And part of it was a blessing and stuff like that. You got to do cool stuff. I'm not complaining. But, but, but one thing was I realized at that time that, like, there wasn't a, like, being popular was cool, but there wasn't, like, being popular was cool, but there wasn't, like, a ton of value to it. Like for years, I kind of thought like,

Starting point is 01:29:29 oh, is this cool thing? But then I was like, well, what is it for? Like, where does it really, you know, like, you know, I'd end up having long conversation with drunk dudes at a bar or something or some fucking monster that corners you and you're like trying to look over his shoulder for like, hopefully some woman's giving you eye contact

Starting point is 01:29:47 and you're sitting there just stuck fucking inches away from some dudes non-deodorant. You know, but yeah, I think I realized that there wasn't a lot of, that fame had Like, there wasn't a ton of value to it. Well, especially monetarily, it wasn't there, right? So you just had fame, but you didn't have, you didn't really own your fans kind of. Right.

Starting point is 01:30:04 Everybody, like, oh, look at that motherfucker. Damn, he's fucked up, you know, or he's at the, you know, he'd be at the bus stop at school. There's normal. Shit, that's totally normal. You're in college. Yeah. So it just gave you a bunch of conversations you didn't want to have to be in or. Yeah, well, like, maybe look at the values of popularity.

Starting point is 01:30:18 Like, well, what value is this? Like, yeah, it's valuable to me in the sense of, like, if I'm going to be out and or if I want to help get into a nightclub or something. but I don't really have a voice for myself. I didn't really have anything to show for. You didn't make any money. So it was, you know, you had some fun experiences. But then you were also left with a lot of people

Starting point is 01:30:38 who knew who you were and no way to hide from it. You know, like I remember I was, even after that, I was sleeping on my buddy's floor for like probably a year, you know. So I don't know. It just, it almost felt like, I don't know. It just gave you a look at what popularity was and the values of it and the non-values of it. thing. So then, like, I started comedy, and then 10 years later, I had this whole other experience.

Starting point is 01:31:02 And most people don't even know about the first one, or they just didn't put it together. I don't know what happened. Yeah. So I'm so rarely here about it. Such a deep cut. Yeah. Sometimes I wish I were, like, I think I was just at a young place, like, I was just at a place where you're just energetic and frenetic and shit. You're just trying to get laid and trying to just jerk yourself off or whatever and tell, and lie to people say you got laid or something. Uh-huh. Well, I guess now people, because you were glomming on to this other thing that was kind of bigger than the pieces who are part of that show.

Starting point is 01:31:32 So it almost feels like you're renting that fame or you're just a part of the assembly line. Yeah, I felt like I didn't have any. It didn't represent me. Like, none of the, and it felt like I didn't, they can edit things the way they want, which are fine. But it's not my, I don't get to be the, I don't get to be the be all end all of me, right? Yeah. Like, I don't get to say exactly how this is for me. Right.

Starting point is 01:31:53 But I don't know, it was cool that I got this. One thing I think I was almost kind of grateful to God about it is that I got this like trial run at what it was like to have some popularity. And so then whenever it happened again, I think I've been able to navigate it differently for myself. Not always great, but I've definitely had a different perception of it and a different understanding of the potential values of it in some spaces. Right. Maybe. Does that make any sense? No, it does.

Starting point is 01:32:19 Because even people have an idea of what fame is. But there's like levels to it as well and you think you want it. I think especially when you're young, just because the things that you want, fame will unlock immediately. But those are kind of primal wants. Once you get past it, you realize,

Starting point is 01:32:36 okay, it's not as great, but it's great when you're 18 or 20. Yeah, if you're just trying to be coming or whatever, getting meals or whatever. Yeah. Yeah,

Starting point is 01:32:43 coming in meals, it's great. You know, coming or meals, fame is great for that. But like, why am I here? It's harder.

Starting point is 01:32:50 Yeah. Yeah. If you want to bust, than have like pad tie. It's fame is awesome. You'll do those for free. But if you like,

Starting point is 01:33:00 you know, what are these relationships are they built on lies? It's harder for that. Yeah. It's harder. So I don't know. But,

Starting point is 01:33:10 but yeah, sometimes we'll have to, next time we'll do an episode we'll have to go down some of those roads or even those roads of like shows that we used to watch

Starting point is 01:33:17 and shit, thinking about something that's fun. So you started out in business, you worked at Boeing. What were you doing over there? I was doing. engineering. So I was doing stress analysis at Long Beach. So the Boeing out in Long Beach,

Starting point is 01:33:28 that's what I went to school for. I did mechanical engineering. But I knew I wanted to do stand-up when I was 18. I was very young. And then I just applied to jobs in SoCal. And then I got a job at Boeing and Long Beach. So what is a mechanical engineer just so people know? There's different facets of it you can go into. You can do like HVAC. That's an industry you can go into just like heating and cooling. You can go into some people work at Toyota or with cars. And then Aerospace is a big employer of mechanical. Just think about anything mechanical. There's going to be mechanical engineers like Tesla,

Starting point is 01:34:01 just, you know, anything mechanical. So then, yeah, I got my degree, and then I knew I wanted to do stand-up. And as a stand-up back then there was no internet really, or I mean, or social media. You had to go to New York or L.A. And then I'm like, ah, my parents are in Seattle. I kind of want to do entertainment as well, TV movies. So I chose L.A.

Starting point is 01:34:20 So then I just applied to jobs in L.A. And then I got a job at Boeing in Long Beach. And you hadn't started even in stand-up yet? No, I did. I was the summer after I graduated high school, I was 18, and then I just started going to the comedy clubs in Seattle. Did you see Adam Ray? He didn't start yet.

Starting point is 01:34:36 Oh. So I think I met Adam Ray. Brian Moot? Yeah, Moot. Mute was there. Jeff Dye actually started a few years after me, maybe like two, two or three years after me. So there was some funny people coming out of Seattle.

Starting point is 01:34:48 But Adam didn't. I met him, but he didn't start in the scene there. He started out here in L.A. He went to USC, but he wasn't at the mics or anything like that. Oh, got it. Adam Ray. Yeah, Adam Ray. Yeah, so that's how I ended up in L.A. and working at Boeing.

Starting point is 01:35:05 I was there for like four years and then I quit. Was it cool over there? Like, is there like a nice space where you guys have, like a launch or like a community area? Like, what's that? It was so quintessential, like office spacey. At least I was envious because tech was having this boom with Microsoft, Google. People are on razor scooters, jumping to ball pits and shit. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:35:25 Like, tech looked so fun. And then, that's crazy. It did. But just to hear somebody say that, it just shows you how people are so different in different places where they grow up. Yeah, yeah. Like nobody ever where I'm from has ever said tech looks so fun. You're saying no one in Louisiana said tech looks so fun to you?

Starting point is 01:35:41 I don't think so. You were getting a lot of kids saying that? No, it's okay, though, but it's cool, though. It's just cool how like places are different. And did you, would your problem? parents, like a lot of pressure. Do you have a lot of pressure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is your, what ethnic? Where are your parents from? Afghanistan. From Afghanistan. Yeah, yeah. So they came here from there. And so, yeah, there is that

Starting point is 01:36:00 stereotype. What is that stereotype? Like, is it a real stereotype? And is it just for Afghanistan or is it for a lot of, is it similar? I think it's immigrants. Just like, you know, Oh, it's immigrants. It's an immigrant thing. If you leave your country and you come to America, you don't want to hear your kid is hitting the mics. You know what I mean? Like, we evaded the Russians for you to try this new bit. You know? I'm like, you don't understand. This joke has legs.

Starting point is 01:36:27 Just let me do it three times. And if it bombs, I won't do it anymore. Yeah, mom, it's about Waymo's, dude. We just got Waymos in Nashville, too. Yeah. And people are fucking, you can see people out there. They don't like them.

Starting point is 01:36:40 Well, they're calling, I'm not saying, they're out there yelling, you know, shit at them. Right, right. They call them momos? Or just, we don't like you, momos. Get the fuck out of here. Or Waggers, they're calling them. I'm like, that's insane to be, what's happening?

Starting point is 01:36:53 It doesn't even know a slur is being thrown at it. Is it trying to get its people to where it's got to go? Yeah, dude, I saw you. Dude, this reminds me now. You had something like the drive, the car started complaining here. It was having a bad day. Was that he saying? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:37:10 It was like a waymo. I forgot how it went. You know what's, I mean, maybe I have it on my Instagram somewhere, but like, I think you had some tech guy on because, my buddy hit me up because you mentioned me. Anytime you name check me, I have, you know, friends who are huge fans of the pod and they're like, oh, Theo, I talked about you.

Starting point is 01:37:26 And I saw the clip and you were talking to some tech guy. He's like, you know if you him him and he has no idea. And you're telling him the Waymo joke and he's just like staring at you like paint drying. But you're just telling him my joke and he's like, yeah, yeah, that's great. Maybe it was Alexander Wang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it? Uh-huh.

Starting point is 01:37:42 Oh, that's great, dude. Oh, yeah, maybe this is the one. Yeah, let me see this, bro. This is fucking good. I forgot how it goes. I got to take one recently. I get in. and the Waymo goes, this isn't my main thing, I rap.

Starting point is 01:37:56 And it was quiet for a while, the ride was pretty quiet. And then out of nowhere, the Waymo went. We need to build a wall. It was like a Maga Waymo, I guess. Then we hit a guy, we hit a person. Just flew over the car. And then the Waymo went, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, you gotta help me.

Starting point is 01:38:15 What do you mean they gotta help you? It's like, you're a part of this now. I would even help you He was like chop it up in a smaller piece From the parts in the back I go, this has happened to Waymo He goes, you have any co? What?

Starting point is 01:38:30 Waymo, you're a car. How do you even do coke? He's like, put it in my charge porn. Oh, yeah. Let's go on the car wash. And strip clubs for Waymo's. I mean, I'm just like doing a screenplay for a Pixar movie about a Waymo.

Starting point is 01:38:46 Dude, that's great, bro. everything you but that's like I feel like you do like a million of those every single time it's just like what about this and it's like some new thing man it's always so novel you're one of the people that when I see you or like it just makes me like I don't know it's just like it's like the purest thing it's like this is something funny let me see how it goes that's so cool that you like notice that or appreciate it because that's honestly the whole reason I do stand up is I think of something and I think it's funny and I want to share it and I hope that you know that people validate what I this idea like does this idea work does it have legs and when they

Starting point is 01:39:24 do it's the best feeling in the world I whenever I do stand-up is just I hope you think this is funny too. Like I don't need them to laugh or whatever but I'm like I thought this is novel do you guys find it novel and there's just such joy in that and when it works I'm the happiest in the world so I'm chasing that yeah why is that you think what is I mean obviously want to make people like it's fun and make somebody laugh or something like that like there's something so perfect about it I get it's like there was nothing here a moment ago and now like you're laughing or we're both laughing like that shit's pretty dope really for me when I have a bit that like I know works I get less of a rush because I know it

Starting point is 01:39:58 works I know the joke works so it almost feels like there's a it serves its purpose like when do the road and you're celebrating those bits that you got to that place but if I'm just working out in town I'm like I already know I already know the joke works so it doesn't scratch the comic itch in me but if I can get something that's mediocre or or a brand new thought to work that's when I get all the like dopamine and stuff. I'm like, what a rush. That's like catching a big way for me.

Starting point is 01:40:25 So I'm just, yeah. As a mechanical engineer, do you think that because we've been talking about things that are black and white, we've been talking about Waymos, Michael Jackson. But yeah, in the spirit

Starting point is 01:40:38 of continuing to talk about things that are black and white, do you think that we went to the moon? I just caught it right now. Jesus, that's so funny. You just kept on drilling down on it and I finally got the black or white thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:40:47 Do you think that we went to the moon? You're a mechanical engineer, dude. Yeah, yeah. And you left the business because you're like, oh, these, they don't, why did you leave? I was finally doing well enough in comedy where I could. So that was the goal the whole time. But I mean, most of us had to double life it

Starting point is 01:41:03 until you got to the point where the art was doing well enough to abandon ship. Did you have a last day, do you remember? Yeah, kind of. Oddly enough, I had booked this MTV show and they needed me for three. months. And I didn't even want to leave. I didn't even want to quit. I just, I wanted to do a leave of absence because I planned on returning after shooting this MTV show. I'm like, yeah, I, you know, can I come back after three months? I have to take this leave. And they're like, no, you can't do that. You can't take that much time off. And then I read that you can only collect unemployment if they fire you. So then I just sent an email. I go, I will be leaving on this day and I plan on returning this day just to let them know that I plan. I plan. on returning.

Starting point is 01:41:49 And then I just, I left the office, you know? And then I wouldn't answer their calls or emails or anything. I was just waiting for them to terminate me, right? Right, because you can get unemployment. Then I get unemployment. Yeah. Yeah, I'm playing 40 chess guys. There's levels to this thing.

Starting point is 01:42:05 So enough time, I'm dodging them. I'm dodging them. Then finally I get a voicemail like, well, okay, well, we've terminated you. I'm in my shitty apartment that you just saw. I'm dancing with Jinko jeans. And I'm like, yes. Free at last.

Starting point is 01:42:25 Free at last. You got to fucking put on Amistah, the soundtrack, and just fucking put on your favorite ballet boots. So that's why I left. I finally was able to. It was still dicey, though. Even though I left, I wasn't making tons of money or anything. But it was too big of an opportunity. I'm like, oh, this is an MTV show.

Starting point is 01:42:45 I should do it. Which is it? disaster date of all things. Oh, that show was... Do you remember that? No, I remember a lima date. Remember that? A lima date.

Starting point is 01:42:53 I remember that, too. Remember third wheel? Remember the theme song for a lima date? A lima day. Yeah. Bam, bang, bam, ba, bam, ba, abam. A lima date. They would have time cards.

Starting point is 01:43:04 I think that was... Was that a limit date? Was he like, why don't you have a 30-minute timeout? Yeah. They'd be like, that bitch gave me a timeout. And then she'd be with her man. Yeah, the best one of them,

Starting point is 01:43:13 whatever one was that they had a dude who slipped off and did a bunch of fucking yay and came back. Really? Yeah, that dude was bagged up when he came back. And that shit was the best, bro. And when they had like three or four people and they had to pick who to let go and sometimes you'd be shocked, that was good. That was a limited. Oh, okay, okay.

Starting point is 01:43:29 When they had like three or four of them or I think four or three. And then each time they would let somebody go and then they had it like the last one or whatever. Then there was one called Fifth Wheel. There was on a bus or whatever. And then... Did you get to be the datee? So the premise of the show, oh my God.

Starting point is 01:43:45 I'm so young. Disaster date. You would just be a terrible dater. So friends would set their friends up on the date and then they would see how long they could last on the date and you're just acting wild. And however many minutes they last, they got a dollar a minute, which is like nothing. Why would anybody do this? So if they sat through- We could just be Somalian and make millions, dude.

Starting point is 01:44:05 You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so not worth it. Remember Jeff Keith was on it? Oh, I think I remember this. Yeah, it was like boiling points for dating. I remember this. Was this with Sally? Yes.

Starting point is 01:44:19 So the late 495 productions. And their big show was Jersey Shore. Yes. And this was the red-headed stepchild that nobody watched. Got it. Because Jersey Shore was like fucking huge. Yeah. And I remember there was a rap party for, I did two seasons of this.

Starting point is 01:44:35 Like we did a rat party, 495. And Jersey Shore was there. And then we were there too. But like nobody gave a fuck. We were like, the Timo show. So, um, disaster.

Starting point is 01:44:48 Snooky was there. Mike, the situation was there. In the heyday. Yeah. Oh, I have an old picture of like, me and Snooki

Starting point is 01:44:55 and me with the situation and he's doing this. Like, very on brand. He's like, he has aviators and he's like, and I'm like, bro,

Starting point is 01:45:05 that shit's so great though. Yeah. Um, what I was going to ask you about? Oh, do you think my, oh, yeah, but on the engineer side, do you think we went to the moon? Like does it because a lot of comedians have a good sense, I think, sometimes of like bullshit.

Starting point is 01:45:18 Uh-huh. Because they're making a lot of bullshit. So it's like they know, you know, how much is on the scale at times. What do you think happen, man? I'm not as smart as people think I am just because of the title. I think we did. It's tough because like, yeah, I worked at Boeing and I was an engineer. But then people think that I'm way, I'm like, yeah, I just did a bunch of school.

Starting point is 01:45:39 I was good at these formulas and I did it. But I really don't know a ton of stuff. But I think we did. We did go there. You did? Well, look at the footage of the iPhone. That was kind of cool. That just came out?

Starting point is 01:45:48 Yeah, the astronaut was in there. It was pretty cool. Let's get us, yeah, let's take a peek at that. Who's the first wigger in space, do you think? Have they done it? Like test their blood to see? Yeah, no, no. Just like bonafide.

Starting point is 01:46:02 Send a real fucking Jason Williams up there. You know what I'm saying? Just for science. Like, we want to see how their body reacts to space. So we're sending Jason Williams up. Yeah. And he's elbow pads. thing, the other astronaut?

Starting point is 01:46:14 Dude, imagine the passes he could do in zero G's. Bro. But that looks, come on. If we get to unlock Jason Williams on the moon, that'd be just like, that looks like a sperm going to an egg kind of. That's true. That is true. Dude, this is crazy. So that's a picture of some guy who's took on his iPhone?

Starting point is 01:46:31 One of the female astronauts took that. Probably her man being like, where are you? And he's like bullshit. Yeah, she goes, space, I told you. And then she sends that back. Uh-huh. Prove it. It's a nightclub.

Starting point is 01:46:46 I've been there. Yeah, speaking of space and wiggas and everything, that's a crazy statement. That sounds like a comics on leash segue. Speaking of wiggas in space. That's so Byron Allen. Tell me about that.

Starting point is 01:47:04 You're like, oh, sorry your mother died. What else is going on with you, Tommy? And it was just like, keep it moving. There's an art to it. Congrats to Byron Allen. They got that new time slot. Yeah, good for comics Unleashed.

Starting point is 01:47:16 They give a lot of, you know, screen time to younger comics and stuff. And more people to see it. They've done a lot of that for people. Yeah, and since we're on the subject of space and Wiggas, they just had a marriage proposal. It's a gender reveal. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, this is a gender reveal.

Starting point is 01:47:34 No matter what gender, that baby's going to be mixed. That's just Wigernomics, homie. What if they do an ultrasound? and the baby's like, he's just like his dad. Pop, lock and drop it. He's seawking in the womb. Dude, yeah, they don't.

Starting point is 01:48:01 Wiggers was everything when I was a kid, man. I mean, I feel you used to be able to say it freely. Some people get tense about, like, are you allowed to say Wiggers? Is it still, can we? Is it back? Yeah, it's back. They never left. Dude, half the NBA.

Starting point is 01:48:14 I feel like they're Euro, though. We used to have. Well, bring up a couple Euro wiggas if you can't. Is that the new term? I guess it is. I mean, that's a great question. Who is kind of a Eurodub? They're mostly Eurodubs.

Starting point is 01:48:32 You think? We used to have homegrown dubs. Yeah. Now we have these foreigners. Did they have a lot of dubs up there in Seattle? Seattle? Every middle school has some dubs, but they're not real dubs. We thought that rain up there, a lot of damp dubs.

Starting point is 01:48:47 There's some damp dubs. You know, it's funny. university I went to, Udub. University of Washington. Dubnation, dude. Panics, bro. If you're a wig out, how can you even get married? Like, you're already married to the streets, I feel like. That's good point.

Starting point is 01:49:07 Maybe it's like polyamory. Like, are you open to an open relationship? It'll be you in the streets. Will you share me with the streets? Yeah, yeah. That's an open-minded gal. Oh, I left the trenches to get you and let's go back to Yeah.

Starting point is 01:49:20 Oh, I love that idea. It's almost like that movie with Robin Williams. Which one? What dreams may come. You say wet dreams? Yeah. What dreams may come? Wet dreams may come, dude.

Starting point is 01:49:37 Of course they may. Yeah, dude. Bro, there's nothing kind of shadier, though, in like, like, there's nothing kind of shadier when you get wet dreamed or whatever by God or whatever. because it's like it's like sometimes you like especially if you're going through a time period where you do not want to be

Starting point is 01:49:56 ejaculating or whatever and then God like wet dreams you or whatever and you're like oh damn it's kind of a gift it's like thank you kind of dude oh we one of our previous producers his kid Raleimau he used to pray

Starting point is 01:50:08 that guy would touch him in his sleep so he'd be able to because he didn't have any he'd never ejaculated and would God answer yeah he said he would I bet that shit was just damn like You ever have it happen where you're like

Starting point is 01:50:22 Not at home and like now this is tricky That's not ideal like in a way game Like when you're sleeping somewhere away? When you're a kid and like you're somebody else's house You're like this is no Now you're like Dexter I only How do I get rid of this?

Starting point is 01:50:36 Or am I just crusty? Do I just have drywall? I only come local bro That's me But you have no control over your brain Sometimes it does it You would never have it happen I don't think so.

Starting point is 01:50:49 I wet the bed in a lot of people's homes. I almost feel like that's more acceptable. It kind of is, which is crazy. And it's way more liquid. It's, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of crazy how if you wet the bed at somebody's house, they're like, that's fine, let's help you out, you know. But you ejaculate in your sleep at somebody's house, and they're like, oh.

Starting point is 01:51:08 Get out. You go, I could have wet the bed. Damn, that's different, dude. What else we got? What's popping, guys? Some of the robots. I love that. robot dog in the Atlanta apartment complex.

Starting point is 01:51:23 Oh yeah, let's see that, dude. Yeah, especially since you worked in tech, bro, let's get your viewpoint on some of this tech,

Starting point is 01:51:28 dude. Oh, did you ever get to meet Bill Gates? No. What if I was like, I was at Epstein Island and I got to meet him briefly.

Starting point is 01:51:35 I was trying to ask him about windows, but he had to get to a room. I thought that was odd. I was trying to troubleshoot my, my Dell, my Dell PC.

Starting point is 01:51:44 Do you ever hear rumors about him or anything? I was like, what was he like? No, I mean, I had no idea. I feel like a lot

Starting point is 01:51:48 of those files are like, What? This person? Who would think that Bill Gates is doing, you know what I mean? Yeah. Did you have any idea? Yeah, I think money, you know, get so much power. I could understand why these people, but like,

Starting point is 01:52:02 nobody would throw a dart and think it would hit Bill Gates. That he would be involved in some of that? Yeah, when I was a kid in the 90s, this guy talking about Windows, think he's going to be on an Epstein Island. And it's crazy to think how they, like, they made everybody, like Michael Jackson is a pedophile or whatever, right? Any who may or may not have been, we don't know. But there's also evidence out there that he was getting with a lot of women.

Starting point is 01:52:25 Right. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson will attest. Here's Bill Gates right here. Let's see what happens. Oh, yeah. We jumped over a chair. Why did he do it?

Starting point is 01:52:35 Just to show that he could do it. This is like impressive back in the 90s. He's hitting on Connie Chung. She's married to Mori Povich, right? This fucking Chung jumper. Jump for Chung, dude. That'd be a good. That'd be a good Asian Olympic thing, wouldn't it be?

Starting point is 01:52:53 Jump for Chung and it's a fundraiser. Right, for the family. People jump as far as they can for Connie Chung. I would, yeah, I would jump. Jump for Chung. How much money do you think we could raise for that? Oh, dude. Have you seen some of this tech, since you're a tech guy, dude,

Starting point is 01:53:09 and just you worked that for so long? It's so funny, I'm the resident expert. You just anointed me as the resident expert, and I'm kind of dumb. Let's take a ganner at this, dude. Not they got the motherfucking robot. dog in the motherfucking hood patrol department what the fuck type of a y'all shit it is what the fuck he looked like he's gonna bite your way hello oh baby they what are you how are you where are you at this a person I'm so what what talk got this robot dog in here

Starting point is 01:53:48 for to watch the people so they don't take so oh sorry sorry So we're actually like the robotic security dog here. So what y'all got to tell is? Like it's an alien. Everything is being monitored and recorded. Hi. Hi. Dude, a lot of black folk, they didn't want you to say what's up to him, bro.

Starting point is 01:54:12 Once they said hi, bro, everybody was chill, you know? The robot dapped them up and stuff. Oh, shit. The robots wearing like a couple chains and shit next week. Dude, they're going to fucking fix that thing. popping, bro. They're going to get that thing in a little suit.

Starting point is 01:54:27 It's going to look like like Lavelle Crawford in a month. That bit's going to be dope as hell, bro. They're going to get that thing popping, bro. It's going to be beautiful. That's crazy. What do you think?

Starting point is 01:54:37 I don't know if I could be a cop, man. I don't know if I could be... I could be a dog. Like a cop dog? I want to be a dog that lives outdoors of the old school dogs. Like, when I was growing up, they had dogs that lived outdoors.

Starting point is 01:54:49 And I remember the first time I ever saw a dog that lived indoors. I went to my buddy's house and a dog came around. the corner didn't we were inside and I was like whoa and it was like a blonde dog it was like beautiful it looked like Susan Suzanne somers remember her oh yeah beautiful i'm master yeah i mean just fucking beautiful this thing came around and it lived inside and i could not even believe it i could it blew my mind i was like you gotta be kidding me but it was so

Starting point is 01:55:18 beautiful it deserved to live inside right like i'd seen a lot of dogs that hadn't had missing teeth and fucking eyebrows or whatever, missing all kinds of shit, you know, just... We had a dog that couldn't go forward or whatever that bitch was always, so he'd fucking, he was something... His shoulders, his front shoulders were calcified or whatever. And so he had to fucking...

Starting point is 01:55:44 So we had to go backwards. It was like, damn this motherfucker. But he would still get you, you know what I'm saying? So that would be crazy. At first you were like, this motherfucker can get me. But then, bro, two minutes later, he'd have you fucking cornered something. somewhere, bro, with his asshole.

Starting point is 01:55:56 He'd have you corner with his dang asshole. And he's, you still hear his voice, but it's going the other way, bro. And that's the kind of shit I grew up around, bro. But yeah, what do you think, man? You think he could be a dog? You think he could be a cop? I don't, I don't know if I could be a cop. If you were a dancing cop, though, for him.

Starting point is 01:56:13 Well, now you've sweetened the deal. You buried the lead, man. Maybe that could be a way to recruit a lot of people who normally wouldn't be cops. You lead with dancing. Yeah. You might get some Broadway folk. there you might get me can I like twirl when I apprehend you

Starting point is 01:56:29 do you whatever you want I think if there's a cool way to hit the cops on it to hit the cuffs on them you know yeah like what song do you want to listen to why you get arrested that sort of thing you know do they choose or do I get to choose I think you guys each get one it could be like Miranda right so you could choose whatever song you want played while I arrest you

Starting point is 01:56:47 yeah and they go to their Spotify and then while they're slammed against the car it's like a Kendrick track she's like Stand it makes the experience better, right? Yeah, it's just a mystical. Keep bumping me against the wall. Watch yourself.

Starting point is 01:57:02 Came you with a knife of my hand. Be cool. What was this biggest song, Mystical? Did I do that? No. That was Urkel. Danger. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:57:13 But Mystical, I think, he sampled that in his song. Dang. Shake your ass. Yeah. But watch yourself. Watch yourself. Show me what you're working with. He was one of a kind, bro.

Starting point is 01:57:23 He was. cousins with Master P? Yeah, they were something. Black people love to be cousins, bro. This is true. You know what I'm talking about? They do. Brothers as well and sisters.

Starting point is 01:57:36 White people don't love it as much to be cousins. Black people... That's a good point. Yeah, cousin is an umbrella term. Yeah. But I feel like even like Afghans, we'll use cousin loosely. Really?

Starting point is 01:57:46 Because sometimes there's a family friend that's so close that just saying friend doesn't quite describe it. And then cousin is almost You're like honorary cousin. Yeah. That's fair.

Starting point is 01:57:57 And your family changes as you get older. It's like people will come into your life and they really represent a lot of like something that's very meaningful, like a meaningful connection, you know? Yeah. So sometimes friend isn't really, doesn't really do it justice. And then sometimes those people kind of leave, you know? Right. Like if you grew up with someone from the age of four and you still know them, I almost feel like they feel more like a cousin than just a friend. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:19 Yeah. That's kind of cool. Tell them like you've been upgraded to Cuzz. Yeah. They get like a text, an automatic text. Ding. Yeah, what was I going to ask? What is this about?

Starting point is 01:58:30 Oh, yeah, I'm learning by watching. The PSA and the weed thing. It's yours? No, I'm... The mother's head she found it in your closet. I don't know. When I guys must... Must have what?

Starting point is 01:58:45 Look, Dad, it's not my... Where did you get it? Answer me. Who taught you how to do this stuff? You, all right? I learned it by watching you. parents who use drugs have children who use drugs and I think years later our own country

Starting point is 01:59:05 would be forcing us into drug use you know and profiting off of it like just kind of crazy yeah it's got to be in a pill form though you gotta bottle it up but dude that was crazy that was hard hitting yeah back in the day or when they had the thing year high school remember when they had the

Starting point is 01:59:22 don't die like this and it'd be like if they got like They always did it around Halloween because they had extra like blood in the area or whatever and they would somebody like hanging out of a burning car and they'd set the back of the car and fire

Starting point is 01:59:35 and it would all happen like out on the football field and you'd have to go watch it. Yeah, just sort of like a scared straight. They would make an accident scene and be like, this could be you. It's kind of gruesome. Yeah. We probably should have been seeing that that young.

Starting point is 01:59:48 Of course not. It was crazy. And then they'd always hide a bag of Coke on a kid or something and let that drug dog go find it. And people like, oh shit, William got Coke on him. And then for the rest of his life, he would be like,

Starting point is 02:00:00 damn, William got coke on him, bro. Yeah, just to make an example out of a kid, even though he never did it. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:00:05 Just ruin his life. Like, you don't want to be like Daniel, huh? I know, Dan, you got that bait. It's so sad watching these videos

Starting point is 02:00:12 because our childhood is in 360P. That was two pixels. I know. That was just two blocks. It's so sad. If you're dating a younger chick or whatever, you go,

Starting point is 02:00:22 oh, check out these highlights of Sean Kemp, dunking. And it's 360 It's so grainy. Our childhood isn't in high-deaf, like these kids today. But it was clear to us back then. That's what's crazy, bro.

Starting point is 02:00:35 I feel like it was just hard to get the fidelity of it didn't look this bad back then, did it? It had to do. What do you think happened? VHS isn't great, but I feel like it's better than... I think broadcast TV is a higher resolution and they can't, they couldn't translate it to digital. Yeah. Your new special that's coming out, intrusive thought. Intrusive thoughts, yeah.

Starting point is 02:00:59 This is your third special? It's my fourth, I think. Okay. Yeah, it's my fourth special. Yeah. Damn. Well, I'm at the point now where you kind of tour for a year and then you got to hang the painting somewhere. You kind of get it tight from city to city.

Starting point is 02:01:13 And then you got to, I'm done with these jokes. Yeah. You got to film it and then put it out there and then move on. So it's less about putting a special out and I'm huge. That used to be the thing back in the day. Yeah, it means you feel some type of way. Now it's like almost just like, oh, like closing the diary.

Starting point is 02:01:29 It's a picture. It's a stand-up picture. This was me for the past year. When I was on tour, here are the jokes. Because everything is so clip-based. Because everything is, sorry, can I, like, fix this?

Starting point is 02:01:38 I'm, like, garbling my shit. Yeah, dude, you're fine. Also, everybody's retarded. You think, thank you. The fact you've put together, like, 11 sentences is way better than most of us in the world are doing, dude.

Starting point is 02:01:48 Because everything is so clip-based, and that's great, but it's nice to show that you can do a cohesive 45 to an hour. it's sort of the difference between breaking a vase into a million pieces, but I'd like to see the whole vase. This is what I was doing on the road.

Starting point is 02:02:04 Here it is. And hopefully people like it. I want them to watch it. But now I get to move on and that's kind of nice. You just dump all those jokes from your head and then who am I now? And let's talk about that. Yeah, dude. Intrusive thoughts.

Starting point is 02:02:17 That's awesome. And where can people watch it right now? Is it going to be on YouTube? Yeah, it'll be on my YouTube channels. And will people be able to pay there for it too? If they want, you know, but honestly, just a super thanks, a thumbs up. comment, share it with a friend. I just want people to see it.

Starting point is 02:02:30 That would be the best. Awesome, dude. Yeah, send me a clip that you really like or something that you want. If there's someone that I can help reshare or something or if there's some stuff on TikTok, let me know. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Don't, you will let me know?

Starting point is 02:02:43 Yeah, I'll let you know. Yeah. And thanks for being so supportive, man. Like taking me on the road, having me on this pod to get the word out on the special. It means a lot to me, man. Oh, thanks, dude. I appreciate it, man.

Starting point is 02:02:55 I had one other question I wanted to ask you. like I feel like in my lifetime, like a lot of people that are from the Middle East have gotten like a bad rap like in or they've gotten negatively possibly negatively like branded by media kind of. When I say that, does that, because you always hear stuff like, you know, these people are jihadists or these people are like even the term Muslim to some people makes it seem like that that person is like a person with a bomb or like. Do you think that that's a real thing that's happened? And then what can you say about like people from that? Like do you think people from some of those areas like hate America or like maybe you don't have to go that far? But just like can you take me, if I say that kind of stuff, does it make you think anything? I mean, you're not far off in terms of the branding of Muslims over the past couple of years, especially post 9-11.

Starting point is 02:03:53 You felt it if you were that. Yeah, y'all took the L for that, huh? Yeah, for a while. Did y'all do it? I think we took the L, inadvertently, just Muslims in America. But did you guys do you think? Or, but didn't, sorry. That'd be funny.

Starting point is 02:04:06 This is the whole podcast is leading up to, did you do 9-11? I'm like, Theo, you know me. You brought me up on the store. You know I didn't do 9-11, Theo. You're right, my bad, dude. This has just been like a honey trap the whole time just to get to this. Yeah, sorry, dude. I gave Candace.

Starting point is 02:04:23 I was my, like, remote control. She's got me today. No, no, no, but do you, but do you, yeah, what is that like, like, just like, even having any like, your parents are from like the Middle East, right? Your parents are from Afghanistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it like, what is it like, what is like, I mean, I had this joke about it back in the day. Because how can we change it if it's not true? Like, if some of that's like, I don't know.

Starting point is 02:04:43 I feel like it's not, I don't know. I think it is changing. With the internet and social media, you can't paint people with these broad strokes that you used to back in the day because there was only certain channels that you can get information. And it could be controlled very easily. And people would just buy into a narrative that like be scared of Muslims, be scared of Latinos, be scared of. But then there's TikTok and there's all these. There's so much information now that people can form their own opinions. But yeah, it was dicey for a while because every time there was a, you know, post-9-11, the temperature was, if you happen to be that, you felt it.

Starting point is 02:05:20 You know, when I would fly, I would be secondary search. and I grew up with Boy Meets World in TGIF. I'm just as American. I watched Save by the Bell, but you just happen to look a certain way and there's nothing you could do about it. I always say it's, I used to have the joke where it's being a minority

Starting point is 02:05:40 is kind of like having in a way jersey that you can never take off. That's kind of what it feels like because I'm sure people, Americans, the white Americans have been to, say you're a Rams, fan and then you go to I don't know who their rival is

Starting point is 02:05:57 probably Seahawks All right yeah then you go to a Seahawks game in your Rams jersey you're gonna get some flack but you're still you're still Doug you're a nice guy you're Doug from accounting

Starting point is 02:06:07 and they're spitting on you and you go nah I just happen to be wearing this rain I can't take it off it's bolted on it should be a saw movie just you can't take the Rams jersey off at your rival team

Starting point is 02:06:21 and they just beat the shit out of you So you're just a human in a pure soul and all that, but you happen to have this coding that gets taken a certain way. So I don't know, maybe that's how I perceive it. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm just curious about that sometimes. And then, yeah, does it feel like the media like made it? Like, these people are bad people, kind of?

Starting point is 02:06:42 It's definitely a tool. I think it's leverage for some agenda sometimes. But I don't automatically just need your go to... Go to that. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I think people are generally pretty nice people and but. Yeah, for sure.

Starting point is 02:06:58 Yeah, I was just kind of curious because sometimes you just like, you start to think like, I think you look back at the world like your lifetime. You're like, what things are like, did we land on the moon? What things really happen? I think a lot of people are in like a serious, the most space I've ever seen in my life. Like people are coming up to me and like movie theaters and shit and fucking like asking me about shit about fucking Nepal or like, Tibet or whatever. It's like, what?

Starting point is 02:07:21 Well, we all have to be experts now. There's just so much information, and then we're learning we've been lied to in so many instances. And then you go, if this, you'll go down a rabbit hole. It's like, if this, then, then what? And then you keep on, you hear, you see this tweet, you see this video, you see this TikTok, and then the Epstein stuff is still going. And then, uh, Albird's going AI. And then, uh, this shorting the stock and all that stuff was going on, these time, these time things with the stock market. your brain gets overloaded.

Starting point is 02:07:53 There's so much, how can I know? You get paralyzed, but... Yeah. And then you try to calm down and then you fucking... It's hard to get away from the intrusive thoughts, dude.

Starting point is 02:08:02 It's true, man. Well, full circle. Full circle. Fahim, dude, thanks so much, bro. Yeah, I hope you just continue to obviously do what you were obviously built to do,

Starting point is 02:08:15 bro. There's nobody that does it like you. And yeah, I hope people love the new special intrusive thoughts and we'll make sure to share stuff about it. And yeah,

Starting point is 02:08:21 Thanks for your patience, dude. I appreciate it. Oh, of course, man. Yeah, anytime. Thank you for having me. I'm glad we got to do it. This is fun, dude. Sorry if I talked about too much serious.

Starting point is 02:08:28 No, not at all. You know, just trying to be alive. For sure, doing our best, you know? Yeah. While they let us, bro. BLM, dude.

This Past Weekend - #656 - Fahim Anwar

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