This Past Weekend - #657 - Bobby Lee

Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian, a podcaster, and one of the heroes of my heart, this beautiful little leachy. You know, he's my good friend, and I'm so thankful to spend time with him. Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee. Oh, no, leave that on. That shit's tough, dude. It's heavy. It is? Okay.

Starting point is 00:00:35 Sorry. It's heavy. Dude, you look like Daniel Day Lewis a little bit. Oh, thank you. Dude, you look like ITER's elbow to me, dude. You think so? Yeah, dude. Bring up Idris Alba.

Starting point is 00:00:49 Yeah, you know what Idris looks like, dog? Just in the dick, you mean, huh? No, your dick is medium. It's fair. Sav. No, I got that limited cock, boy. You got a lemony cock, dude? Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 00:01:00 One and a half bars, bro. That's it on this one. Yeah, that one. Yeah, I got a minion dick, dude. Oh, I like that honey as fuck, bro. Hey, hard worker. Hard worker. They do.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Yeah. They're very hard worker. They have overalls goggles. Dude, yeah, bro, if your wieners going in with goggles It's got the whole thing, dude You're a champ, you're a chink Hey, dude, I can't say that But here's a rule, you could say it, I could say it

Starting point is 00:01:29 That's my rule here Well, I can say what? What can I say, dude? Oh, peace, beek, beep, peace Bees, peep, peat, peep, pease guys Beeky, piki, piquee. Bro, good to see you, man Let me just get in my zone, guy

Starting point is 00:01:45 Okay, yeah You want to pray first week? I'm happy to pray if you want. Can I start? Yeah, you want to pray? Yeah. Do we have to hold hands? No.

Starting point is 00:01:52 But I think we can put our hands however you want. It will get warmer in here. I know it's cold. Yeah, it's really cold. I feel like an Eskimo right now, though. They're charging us more for heat. I think Israel's doing it. Israel's definitely doing a lot of things.

Starting point is 00:02:02 I mean, they're like, what a do-do? I know. What did he do-b-b-b-b-dud-du-do? B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bbb-bbb. Right? You know-sse. You know-sse. You know-say.

Starting point is 00:02:15 Yeah, let's do a prayer man You want to lead us in it me? But, you know, when I do prayers, dog Look at me first before we get into it Yeah, for sure, man I don't like getting interrupted Okay So I like to finish what my prayer is gonna be

Starting point is 00:02:29 You know what I mean? And it may go long Okay, yeah No, dude, I'm just happy to be here We did it, man, I love you You're gonna give you a hug first That's the truth, bro When the streets call me, bro

Starting point is 00:02:51 When the streets call you, they call me You know what I mean? We have the same caller Dear heavenly Hold on What do you need? What are you doing? Huh?

Starting point is 00:03:04 Sorry. Bear dick? That's your new name, dude, bear dick. I can give it to him. Really? Oh, I love your type. Bear dick. What do you mean, dude?

Starting point is 00:03:15 Yeah, he loves it, dude. Yeah, he loves the chunk faster. You know what I mean? Because if I was gay guy, you know what I've done some stuff? Like, what do you tell? What do you mean, man? I've licked a couple.

Starting point is 00:03:28 No. Yeah, just like a, I just want to know the flavor. Oh, wow. Yeah. What happened? What do you mean what happened? Or like, you know. What's the flavor?

Starting point is 00:03:38 Or yeah, I don't want to know. Yeah. It's salty. Ooh. Well, what do you mean? What part do you like the top or the bottom? Licking the bottom's gay. That's, that's gay.

Starting point is 00:03:48 Licking the top, though? Ain't gay. It's just tasting. I mean, I don't know. No, it's omacasa. You ever go to an omicasa restaurant? You don't know what you're going to go. Yeah, dude. That's what I'm doing, dude.

Starting point is 00:03:58 Oh, ma casa, dude. Right? And sometimes, dude, it's like, I go to omacasa with my girl, right? And there's certain things she just, I go, you have to eat it. You know what I mean? Like, we went to, you know, I've been in the jungle. Have you been? I did not know that.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Yeah, I mean, I know historically. Look at my face. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean historically? No, I mean, what do you know? What do you mean historically? I just mean like over. Yeah, I'm not nom.

Starting point is 00:04:24 I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm Korean, dude. I know. Yeah, there's no jungles in Korea, dog. I don't know. So when you say historic, you do know. I'm saying historically.

Starting point is 00:04:34 Historically, you've been watching platoon. You've been watching, you know what I mean? All kinds of movies like Hamburger Hill. Letters Ewojima. Well, desert jungle. It's a good. It is a good movie. Let's get clean eastwood a round of applause.

Starting point is 00:04:48 Did he make that? I think so, dude. I think he made it. I don't even know that. He made it when it was 116 years old. It's amazing. God. What amazing work.

Starting point is 00:04:57 So anyway, I've been in the jungle, and when I say jungle, I mean Waikiki. Oh, you were out there? I didn't go in it, but I saw it. Bro, what were you doing out there? Dude, I was doing all kinds of shit out there. Were you doing ayahuasca or something? No, no, I was doing it. No, I go out there vacation, and so, you know, there's a lot of cool omicasse restaurants there.

Starting point is 00:05:16 Okay. And what is Omaha case for people that don't know it? Do you know it? I think so. Well, then tell me about it. I think so. Tell me, because I don't think you fucking know, dog. Ohma Casa.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Well, hold on, let's sound it out. Oma. Oma. Kase. Which is, Oma in Korean is mom. Mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Kasa is.

Starting point is 00:05:33 Yeah. A house. Oh, it is. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't know what, I don't know what omacasa stands for, but I know what it is. Okay, Oma Kasa. Okay, so do you know what it is.

Starting point is 00:05:42 I do not. Okay. So, on Omakasa restaurant is, it's a set menu. Yeah. Right? And they feed you in order. They'll tell you what you're going to get from beginning to end. And generally, my.

Starting point is 00:05:56 My rule if I'm with a date, you know, I have a girlfriend now. What? Yeah, I do. Whoa. What's happening, dude? So you're not, so what are you going to do? You're not going to be. This is what I do, dude?

Starting point is 00:06:08 What am I doing right now, dude? Why are you doing if you have a girlfriend? No, I'm killing myself, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I choke myself when I kill myself in the heart, dog. Okay. I ain't jerking off guy.

Starting point is 00:06:19 Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Long as you ain't jerking off, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do it 21 times a month, though. That's what I heard. Masterbate? ejaculate. No.

Starting point is 00:06:27 Yeah, because you'll get testicular cancer. No. Oh, yeah, there's guys that, like, some people, their eyes go bad or whatever. Like mine? Huh? Hello? No. Anyway, um,

Starting point is 00:06:38 Um, Um, Omakasa is this. You look like a bug that played for the red hot chili peppers right now, dude. You look, you look good. I look good, dude. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Yeah, look real good. 100%. So, um, set menu. So we went to one place. You look like a fireman, like in San Francisco, kind of like,

Starting point is 00:06:55 a little bit. I do. But I was in the fire. Yeah, right? Or you just had something. I got lost and I'm like in the fire. Like, I don't know what to do. That type.

Starting point is 00:07:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you brought just a mouthful of water. Yeah, yeah. That's the gayest thing, dude. If you're at a fire and a, like, kind of a gay firefighter shouldn't be just like, it's just spitting water out of his mouth or whatever. Yeah, you look like an albino raccoon. Oh, yeah. Anyway, let me finish with the Omokaza thing and get to my point, dog.

Starting point is 00:07:21 Sorry, dude, I'm interrupting you. Yeah, yeah. I do want to pray. So anyway. Oh, we'll do the prayer later. Doug Mai is officially mayor of Chinatown. Chinatown, let's go. Can I finish my Omaha or?

Starting point is 00:07:32 Yeah, that's fair. Why did you do this? What do we do? We're just bringing up in preparation. I know, I understand that, but we're going into a thing and then you bring up some Chinese firefighter. He brought that shit up. Yeah, so the bear dick did that. I'm not bare dick.

Starting point is 00:07:43 Oh, you're not bare dick? That's bear dick. Oh, yeah, yeah. What are you? Premium Nick. Nick was a premature baby and look how far he's gone. Oh, yeah. Did everything get mature?

Starting point is 00:07:53 I think my skull size is a little small But everything else Yeah Anyway he's 32 years old But he'll never hit nine months You know So That's the thing

Starting point is 00:08:05 And we had this Unless we forget Bro Less we forget dude So we're at this restaurant And they gave us The bones of a fish And they flavored it like

Starting point is 00:08:16 It was a potato chip But it had the brain Like the eyes and the brain But just the bones of the fish And you had to eat it Right And it's like, I ate it, and I looked at her, I go, you just got to eat it, right? So when a penis comes out, you kiss the tip.

Starting point is 00:08:32 Oh, yeah. That's basically why I. Yeah. What? That's why I was. Well, that's what I told you before, that when I said that I've kissed the tip of a penis, you know what I mean? What do you mean? Why do you keep doing that?

Starting point is 00:08:45 It just makes the back of my neck hurt when you say it. It's a flavor thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how we got into the omacaza thing. It's a flavor thing, dude. Yeah. Well, if you went to Omaha, whatever they gave you, you'd eat it, right?

Starting point is 00:08:56 Try it, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if they had a penis, you'd kiss it. It's like a glory hole for food or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you get, yeah, so no matter what they give you, I just eat because it's supposed to be like, you know what I mean, elegant or, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? avant-garde, yeah. Avastain class.

Starting point is 00:09:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? You be beef. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like off the Epstein tasting menu or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like young fish or whatever. No, no, no, no, please. I'll stop.

Starting point is 00:09:30 Sorry. Let's move on. Let's move on. We'll take that out. Yeah, yeah. Let me take that out. But, um, so basically, um, I don't know how I got in the pee-pee thing, but let's do a prayer. Okay.

Starting point is 00:09:40 No, but you said you had tasted a little wiener or something. Or you had a little... Years ago, I tasted the tip of one. And was it on a... What type of person was it on? Color? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:52 Or style. Color. Can we go style? Yeah, style. Rave. Oh, at a rave. No, a raver. A raver.

Starting point is 00:10:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you just took a nip off a little raver when you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what you do? Yeah. It's cultural. Oh, yeah. Glow sticks.

Starting point is 00:10:10 Yeah. You'd have glow sticks. Right? Oh, and then you would. Right? Yeah. And then you're here. Every once in a while.

Starting point is 00:10:19 They just come out, right? And you take a little taste of. of the salty tip. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cultural. So basically, you've been a couple major laser shows is what you're saying.

Starting point is 00:10:29 That's exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying, Doc. Just say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never kissed a tip? Oh, no, man. Yeah, how about, you have you had opportunities still? I mean, I've definitely, I remember when I was a child,

Starting point is 00:10:40 you always try to get a real close dander at your own wiener. You know? I don't know Southern language, dude. But I'm just saying, you know. Like, I'm sure if you're a kid, a lot of young, we can't talk about children, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people that haven't grown up, fully.

Starting point is 00:10:57 We'll try to like... I've never tried it. We'll try to just get it. Yeah, I never tried it. I have, I never got, I never... If I had been raised with yoga, right? And it could bend that way. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:11:09 Like I had like, you know what I mean, a master. Yeah. As a kid. You know what I mean? Bobby Son, you know? We have to strengthen your spine. Yeah. And you go, why master?

Starting point is 00:11:20 Right? So one day you can keep. Just your own tip. Oh, right? Like, I never had that master. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fuck karate.

Starting point is 00:11:28 Yeah. Yeah, fuck Jijitsu, right? Karate's just kicking like invisible people. I know, it doesn't work. Yeah. Also, in the UFC, you never say, he's a karate guy. Right, right? It's always jihitsu, right?

Starting point is 00:11:39 Yeah, yeah. Or boxing or kickboxing, right? Yeah, it's never like, it's never like, it's never, yeah. Yeah, no one's out there at UFC doing Tai Chi, right? Am I right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, um,

Starting point is 00:11:52 Yeah, it's never one of his credits is like his mom wanted him to be able to defend himself, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, rarely you see Taekwondo and UFC. Right. It's usually boxers, kickboxers, jihitsu guys, wrestlers. What is some of the stuff? Nick knows, actually. So let's go to Nick on that.

Starting point is 00:12:09 Yeah, I mean, he named all the big ones. There's a few select karate guy, Stephen Wonderboy Thompson, MVP. Yeah. But Jiu-Jitsu and Taekwondo, I think, are the biggest from traditional martial arts. From traditional. but generally it's wrestling, kickboxing, boxing, right? 100%. Holloway is like one of the best strikers with his hands in the biz.

Starting point is 00:12:33 You know what I mean? So you didn't even know who he is? I do is Max Holloway. He lives and trains where you just were, right? I know. And I smelled his essence around me. Did you go see him? No, I called him to see if he wanted, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:12:46 But he was going through something. Yeah. You know, as fighters do. Dear Heavenly Father Okay, you want to pray? Let's do it. I just started. Okay, sorry. Dear Heavenly Father, Lord and Savior,

Starting point is 00:12:59 Father of all, thank you so much. Of the gratitude of the fish in the sea. Amen. And the deep fish, like the Greenland shark, who lives 500 years.

Starting point is 00:13:11 500 years ago. Does he really? Sorry, going. No, see, that's what I'm talking about. I forgot. What do you mean? Look at me right now, dude. No, just look at me. right now. Can I mobilize during the prayer? Yeah, because the prayer stopped because you interrupted. All right. What? Don't do that. All right. Greenland shark, right? Thank you for the trees,

Starting point is 00:13:31 nature. Thank you so much for the war. What war do you mean, son? The war within my heart. You know, the war that I want to start with Theo because I did one line in his movie and he put me on fucking poster. That's my prayer, dude. Sorry, go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as if I was in the movie, he put me straight up in the middle

Starting point is 00:14:04 of a movie poster, dear Lord, when I had one fucking life, sorry for swearing Lord, but I'm very angry. I have a war in my heart. It's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, one line, and no, I'm not done, right? I also had a patch over my face, so most people didn't even know who was fucking me.

Starting point is 00:14:23 you know, Lord, please give me the forgiveness, you know what I mean, and the solitude and the confinement and the love for Theo. Amen. Amen. Yeah. Oh, thank you, God. Bus boys, go watch it in your local theater and video and streaming. Streaming and streaming. You know what?

Starting point is 00:14:43 Bro, you were, first of all. No, no, first of all, what? First of all, what? First of all. No, first of all what? Because let me tell you something, butto. I'm going to take my glasses. off, dude. Okay. Let me tell you something, Budo.

Starting point is 00:14:55 Take my hat on. I'll take my fucking beanie off. You will? Yeah. All right. All right. I'm going to put another hat. Yeah, I'm going to put this hat on. All right. Right. Why is this hat over there? I don't know. This one's over here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then picked that one out. Let me tell you something, butto.

Starting point is 00:15:12 All right. Okay. I'm not afraid of you. We're friends. Yeah, we're deep. Yeah, I mean, we were in the war. Okay. Yes, we were. Yeah, we was. Yeah, we was. Right. This hat gives me, like, gone with the wind vibes. These hat gave me gong with the wind vibe. Okay. Or gone with the nines.

Starting point is 00:15:36 Yeah, N-N-N-N-N-Y-Ns. Yeah, yeah. You know how you spell that word, N-G-U-Y-N. No, what is it? Spell it out N-G-U-Y-Ns. N-G-U-Y-N, the most common Vietnamese. Last name. Is her name, yeah?

Starting point is 00:15:50 Yeah, N-G-W-N. Yeah. Oh, that's how they said, Nick N-G-N. Okay, well. But also, a lot of people have to look that up. A lot of black people, if they're asking like, like, if something's going to happen, they'll say that. What do you mean? What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:16:07 That. Nigwin. Yeah. Like, what's up, Nguyen? No. You'll be like, dude, are we going or not? And you'll be like, yeah, Niguan. Oh, I see.

Starting point is 00:16:19 Don't you think? Yeah, I've never heard that. You know what was that party lie? You know what? That was nigwin like a motherfucker. No, that's not it. I don't know how to use it. That's racial.

Starting point is 00:16:30 I'm saying. Oh, no, that wasn't racial? This hat seems racial, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This hat seems very racial. No, dude. Dude, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just take the hat top.

Starting point is 00:16:40 We'll put them back on in a minute. I'm going to go back. Let's go back to our regular part. All right, yeah, yeah. I put these on. Yeah, yeah, we put my glasses on. Let's get regular. So, it was just a joke.

Starting point is 00:16:48 I'm grateful that you used me in the movie. Yeah, for sure, dude. I wish you weren't available for more days. is for one. That's insane. You were shooting something. That's pure insanity. I have nothing going on. It's your schedule. This was 18 months ago. Yeah, it was 18 months ago. Yeah. So anyway,

Starting point is 00:17:05 I'm glad I wasn't involved in that. I agree. We probably should take it off of it. What? I didn't make this poster, but I did, but I should have said something then. I should have asked you. No, it's fine. I mean, you use, here's what it is. If you had a line in my movie, I would put you on the poster. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, you're a big draw.

Starting point is 00:17:23 But I should have asked you I got it that probably. Can I be honest with you? Because I like to set boundaries now. Yeah, because I'm on Lexa Pro. And I just got off. Two ships passing in the night. I know.

Starting point is 00:17:36 Why? Like through the night of Harmoos, the straight of Harmoos. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. We just slowly passing through the night. Yeah, like we don't have any oil.

Starting point is 00:17:45 We have no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we only have like plastic container. Right. Yeah. We're just collecting seamen. Yes. Or seeds.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Yeah, we're collecting. I like the seeds, seeds and semen. We're just one, we're lost. We're lost, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I don't even know why we got, oh yeah, we're passing that. I'm on Lexa Pro. So, you know, I like to set boundaries, right?

Starting point is 00:18:08 And I like to be real. And I want to say something real to you is that I'm ready to hear it. Sorry. I get it. I'm ready to hear it, man. No, I just said it. Okay. I mean, so I get the bus post.

Starting point is 00:18:20 It was just a joke, the prayer, right? and, you know what I mean? But I have to admit, when I first saw it, I was annoyed. Yep. You know, and I have to tell you that as a friend. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I'm grateful that when people ask me to do things, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:18:39 You felt like we were using you. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. You know what I mean? But being on set with you guys and having fun, I already expressed myself to Dave. You know what I mean? I didn't know that.

Starting point is 00:18:51 He didn't even mention it to me. No, he showed me it. I was, in my mind, I didn't say it then, but later when I saw him, I said it. And then he goes, then he goes, next movie, you'll get bigger role. Yeah, yeah. This was the much wider use poster, I think. Oh, here we go. What are you, Pakistan?

Starting point is 00:19:08 Uh, you're Pakistan all of a sudden, trying to be middle? This dude's poster stand. Yeah, no, dude. Right? We're at war, guy. Yeah, dude. Nothing you can do, all right? He has a 15-point plan.

Starting point is 00:19:20 I got a 10-point plan. They ain't mixing. Right, dude. I got a six point. I got a 40 point. Yeah, it ain't happening. So my point is this, okay? You know, I really like, you know what I mean,

Starting point is 00:19:33 because I've heard your stance on Rogan, you know, about your feelings toward, you know, what's going on, especially in that area of the region. In the Middle East? No, dude. And Austin? Alahambrah.

Starting point is 00:19:48 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's going on over there, dude. Yeah, bro. The bobo shops are shutting down. We're shooting down. with J-Rod today. No.

Starting point is 00:19:56 You follow J-Rodd, he's the best. No, I don't know, Jay-Rod. No, my point is that I really, you know, I think I agree with you with a lot of these things

Starting point is 00:20:03 that you're saying, you know what I mean? I don't say it out loud because, you know, I'm a libtard. I've always have and I always will be. I've always have been. You think so?

Starting point is 00:20:14 Oh, yeah. I mean, we're all liberal about some stuff. I think we're all just whatever. I'm full-blown lit. Oh, you are? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm full-blown.

Starting point is 00:20:20 Yeah. I don't get a fuck about no immigration. I didn't know that, man. And it's okay. I don't know. I mean, I don't, you know, I don't talk about politics, but I just want to- You never talk about it. You never have, never will.

Starting point is 00:20:33 You never do. Yeah, yeah. This is the first time I've ever brought it up. Yeah. Really. And I want to say to you that, um, I like what you're saying about it. That's all. Well, thanks, man.

Starting point is 00:20:43 It's confusing. And, um, you know, all you have to do is you have to ask a question and you go, why is this happening? and you just some research, right? And then you figure it out. You have critical thinking, and you go, and then you look at the past, and it's a little confusing, you know,

Starting point is 00:21:01 and I have a lot of questions. Why are you looking at me like that? No, I'm just trying to absorb what you're saying. Yeah, these are things that you know. Huh? Hello? No, I'm just saying right now you look like a, like kind of like a wasp that listens to 311 kind of.

Starting point is 00:21:15 Why does it, dude, why does it always have to be a put-down? You're right, sorry. You're right, dude. I'm giving you a compliment. You look like, I look like a mosquito from some sort of southern land. Yeah, dude, dude, you know, put it back on then. I'll give you better one. Yeah, give me another one, dude.

Starting point is 00:21:30 All right. You look like the, oh, you look like the eighth dwarf, homie. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? There's like sleepy, sneezing, sleepy, sneaky, and ramen. No, no, it's got to be E. Oh, yeah. Sleepy, sneezy, dopey.

Starting point is 00:21:46 Gooky. No, why? Gooky is not a word, I don't think. Gooky, my. Monster. Oh. Okay. Where's a gookies?

Starting point is 00:21:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen the gookies around here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, chocolate chip gookies. Yeah. And it's just like Chinese guy with a fucking handful of chocolate. I remember the days of your back,

Starting point is 00:22:07 I was thinking about some of the stories you told back where you grew up and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, and it's so weird. And I thought to myself, what if there was a Korean Theo von? Hmm. That'd be so funny.

Starting point is 00:22:19 Oh, back when I leave. you know, in Busan. We had a guy in our neighborhood. We called him crazy our chore. Left, I was Chinese, right? I was Japanese. We don't know what were communist. You know, I mean, that's like, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:22:33 Some of your stories, you know what I mean? And the people that you grew up with is so, it's so, so believable and true. Would it translate to y'all's culture, you think, my culture and y'all's culture? We have the same fucking culture. What the fuck are you talking about? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:22:48 No, no, no, I don't know what you're saying. I'm in America. No, no, no. I'm tired of this shit. I'm not saying any... Yeah, yeah, you are. You're doing this thing again. I'm never done anything.

Starting point is 00:23:00 Oh, you're saying, you're trying to separate us when we're the same. You and I have the same empathy. All right. You're a very sensitive guy. Are you not? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:11 Yes. Yeah, yeah. I think that you have a tad bit of ADHD. Okay. Okay. And these are things that you, that's why we're friends. because I understand these things about you.

Starting point is 00:23:22 You know what I mean? And you're a sensitive, empathetic, gay dude, really. Whoa, bro. I mean, let's be real. Huh? And you've kissed the tip. I've never have.

Starting point is 00:23:33 Yes, you have. You've kissed the tip, dude. I never even went by anybody's winner in my whole life. One dude, like, was trying to get us to, like, play Navy in his bathtub or whatever. And, dude, I fucking, I didn't, I didn't reenlist. Huh?

Starting point is 00:23:47 I didn't reenlist. Oh, you didn't really, really, All right. No, I wouldn't, dude. I signed up for the draft for that game. Yeah, yeah. I was off that boat, dude. But, yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:57 If you, if they, who would you fight for if they had a draft? I mean, here's the thing, dude. If they said, because I'm 54. So they said there's a draft and we're extending the age to 55. Yeah. I think I have a compelling reason to get out. What is it? Well, one of them is, is that I will kill more of us than them.

Starting point is 00:24:17 I'll go and I'll go to a circle and just do a full circle right and they're like dude you kill Jim Frank you know I mean like a little like a yard waterer

Starting point is 00:24:33 yeah yeah yeah I would kill more people than them right I also have like you know I mean I get hungry real quick like some of the like some of these boats that are out there I mean US vessels are out there they're running out of food right So if I was in a jungle fighting in a war, I would just biting trees and shit. Eat whatever.

Starting point is 00:24:53 I mean, I would eat anything. If I would, dude, if you got shot, I'm going to take some. What, you eat better my body? There's some. Well, what part would you have first, you think? Be honest. The tip, dude. Ooh.

Starting point is 00:25:10 Bro, just have it all if you're going to have it. No, no, just the tip. If you eat the tip off, dude, it's going to fucking look so weird. You're dead. Who gets the fuck, man. I'm a P-O-W. Yeah, yeah. No, I want, this is what I want.

Starting point is 00:25:20 If I was a P-O-W, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't eat just the half of my wiener a little bit. I would tuck all, I would cut all of it, your testicles and your penis, right? And I would tuck everything inside a hole. And then at your funeral, people are gonna go, Theo, what was a fucking trans man?

Starting point is 00:25:36 Yeah, no. I do tricks. Dude, if they, what if I was trans man, and they bury me in a transam, dude. I don't have any shit, bro. I'll be there at the funeral. But, no, but dude, that would be crazy. Like, yeah, just don't eat.

Starting point is 00:25:48 Would you, draft wise, would you... Well, let me finish this up. Do you just threaten to eat my weaner in a fictional story? I was kidding, good. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, say that then. Because... There's a comedy podcast.

Starting point is 00:25:59 Yeah, I understand that. You understand that? But when you show up with your energy... What do you mean my energy? Some of it seems today to be a lot and a little bit threatening. Is that fair to say? A little bit, a little bit. Yeah, and you say, I'm gonna have...

Starting point is 00:26:13 Pakistan again, huh? Yeah, you're just like, I'm gonna, yeah, yeah. No, when you say, I'm just gonna nip off the end. end or whatever. Yeah, I would never do that, do you know what I... But I don't want my weaner to be missing the end of it and people like, what happened, I'm like, it got nipped or whatever. I do.

Starting point is 00:26:28 Dude, the honest truth. Can we say nipped or not? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I would, I wouldn't nip, right? I wouldn't lick. You mean, I wouldn't gargle. Oh.

Starting point is 00:26:40 You mean, I wouldn't smell. What are you talking about? No, what I'm saying, if you died on the, you know, in the war, okay. And I would literally take your tags. Yeah. Right? I would bury you. I'd make a little, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:26:55 Tombstone. Yeah. Here lies comedian Theo Vaughn. And I wouldn't do anything. You know what I mean? You wouldn't do anything in my body to desecrate it? No, dude. But everyone around me, other soldiers, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:08 You think so? Yeah, because I know you. There's no way I wouldn't eat the tip. Or eat any part of your body. Dude, I'd fucking have a little bit of your ass, boy. Not your ass, but just... Don't say it like boy. Sorry, buddy.

Starting point is 00:27:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me put this hat on you. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to put my hat on. Bobby, can you scoot your chair to the left a little? What? Just scoot left a little when you get seated. Okay. You know what time it is cut?

Starting point is 00:27:32 Prize picks. Price picks. Who you win, prize peek? Prize picks. It's America's number one sports picks app. That's what it is. The app is really simple to use. To get started, you just pick more or less on two plus players,

Starting point is 00:27:47 stat projections. That's it. You pick more or less on two plus players, stat projections, and lock in your picks. Plus, you can even follow me. You can tail me at Theo Vaughn directly in the app. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. I do it for fun. See your friends picks directly in the social feed and you can tail them with just one tap. It's all that easy. It's got a social element there on prize picks. And with the NBA playoffs here, there's no better time to get in on the action. Every night of the playoffs, prize picks, is giving all users a live boost that drops in your account during games. All you need to do is submit a lineup with at least one live NBA square to claim the boost. Best of all, prize picks will give you $50 in lineups when you

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Starting point is 00:29:52 Check out MoonPay agents at moonpay.com slash agents, A-G-E-N-T-S. Crypto is risky and it can be volatile. So do your own research and trade responsibly. Dude, I remember the summer, bro. I remember the first time I'd ever seen a, um, what's it called? A eagle, bro. First time.

Starting point is 00:30:16 I'd gotten out of school for summer vacation, right? And you remember, you know that last day of a school year, you get out. And I remember walking down the street because my bike, somebody stole my bike. And I saw that beautiful thing. And I couldn't even know you could put that much. Just dang, just quality beauty on the something. I didn't think you could get something that nice unless you rented it from like an Ashley furniture or something. But anyway, iconic summer moments deserve an iconic drink.

Starting point is 00:30:45 It's Mountain Dew. an American original. The refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is the perfect companion to your American summer adventures. When I get me a little Mountain Dew, man, I like the diet. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:30:59 Because I get that rattle in me. Sometimes I like that Mountain Dew diet. And my cut, I get to hold my little God nephew sometimes. And he's a baby. And if you just dude, I get me a little Mountain Dew diet in me and you put my God nephew in my arms and dang.

Starting point is 00:31:13 Amen, brother. Enjoy the refreshing. citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American original. Tasting great since 48, 1948. Look for American Doe limited time packaging or find it in stores near you at Mountain Dew.com. That's Mountain Dew.com. You look like Tokyo Drift A.F, bro, right now.

Starting point is 00:31:38 Thank you, man. Another one, huh? Huh? I'm just going to keep going. I'm just going to look like Tokyo Drift as fuck. It's a fun game. A movie, I mean. Huh?

Starting point is 00:31:46 Hello? Yeah, I'm just saying... Okay, so in a war, now what would you do? In a war? Yeah. I would. Okay, hold on. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:55 Shut out, man. We're fighting again. Let me give you the circumstances. Okay, give me the circumstances. Yeah, yeah. We're doing Vietnam, too. Ooh. There's got to be a sequel.

Starting point is 00:32:03 Yeah, because we lost the last one. Did y'all? Y'all, I'm always on your team. What do you all? I was born here, guy? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

Starting point is 00:32:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. But I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. I'd still be, dude, if I was an American soldier, I'd still be wearing this hat. You would? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good.

Starting point is 00:32:22 So I could sneak on to the other side. Bro, we would do, we would be in the best military ever. You and I? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we would fucking stay up all night, partying. Oh, dude.

Starting point is 00:32:32 I would relapse. Eating Twizzlers. Oh, yeah, dude, we relapse on opium, dude, that our own government would sell to it soldiers. Yeah. Yeah, we would shooting opium, Yeah. Listening to Purple Haze.

Starting point is 00:32:43 Some folks born. Yeah. Yeah. We'd be cutting on... What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like shooting opium, right?

Starting point is 00:32:56 And they're just like kissing tips. Yeah. Dude, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you'd be kissing the tip. With music, heroin, just the tip. Bro, I just want to be straight and help my country. I'm straight too, dude. I have a girlfriend now.

Starting point is 00:33:09 Dude, here's what we'd be doing. We'd be staying up late and we'd get pissed off. And I would cut one of my nipples off and just throw it. And you'd catch it in your mouth. That'd be cool, dude. That's how fucked up we'd be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's partying.

Starting point is 00:33:19 That's partying, dude. Yeah, yeah. And then I would sew it back on your nip. Yeah, dude. Good God. What is you good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

Starting point is 00:33:31 Born in the USA. Anyway, we're one of us. Vietnam, too. What would you do? You're drafted. Theo Von drafted. Okay. Born in the USA isn't a Vietnam song.

Starting point is 00:33:43 That was written way after. I know, but I'm just saying... Don't sing that song then It doesn't even apply to both of us So I won't sing it Let's go on What did you ask me? What do you mean, bro?

Starting point is 00:33:53 Dude, I'm USA all the way, dude Are you? Oh, yeah, dude Well, guess what one of my favorite restaurants are? Cracker bear Oh, it is? Am I American or what?

Starting point is 00:34:03 Cracker bar? Cracker bar. Yeah. Really? I think it's the best breakfast Dude, it's a good breakfast spot. It is, sometimes it gets... But when I walk in in the south,

Starting point is 00:34:12 there always is like everyone stops working. Yeah. When I walk in. Yeah. Well, there's kind of like a moment of remembrance.

Starting point is 00:34:18 Like, you think so? They're not saluting me. No. They're like, what the fuck is this? Well, it's because some of it's just like,

Starting point is 00:34:24 there's like an old, like I remember this like my, my stepdad and he was in the wars, right? And he, what war? I don't know. He was in at least two,

Starting point is 00:34:34 two out of three. And he went to, he would take my mom to the Chinese buffet. It was called. In the war? No, no. In town.

Starting point is 00:34:42 He would take this, they had like this place called Yellow Bellies or whatever. It was a Chinese buffet or whatever. I don't remember. What was it called? See if you can look it up. But he would take my, he would take my mom over there.

Starting point is 00:34:52 I'm not even joking, dude. Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he would. I'm not joking, Bobby. No, it's not called Yellow Bellies. It was. There's no way it's called Yellow Bellies, dude.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was called Yellow Bellies. And they changed the name. They changed one of the letters on the sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To like, yellow bells or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:13 Oh, that's better. Because the eye burned. tout or whatever. So it was just like yellow bells and it was just like... Oh, it was a belly with an eye at then? Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:23 That's what I'm saying. It's a play on words. Oh, yeah. But it's, um, so anyway, what happened was he would, after dinner, he would always go sit my mom in the car and then he'd go back in and he would like apologize to some of the workers that worked there for like things that had happened when he was in, um, different conflicts, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. But we've never been in a conflict with China.

Starting point is 00:35:44 is a Chinese restaurant? Yeah. So your uncle would go into a Chinese restaurant and apologize to a country. It wasn't my uncle, but somebody that my mom is smashing. All right, whoever, your mom smashing. Somebody's my mom smashing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:56 So we've never been in a war really with China. So he's apologizing to a group of people that they have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. They know. No, they don't know. A Chinese people are like, oh, thank you so much for apologizing because we were feeling so bad. about it. No, but dude, not everybody. This happens a lot in small towns, Bobby, and this is the

Starting point is 00:36:18 truth. A lot of small towns, if they open up a place that is ethnical in the town, and it's different. Yeah. They will hire anybody that even looks like that culture to work there. So I could get a job at Yellowbelly. Fuck, yeah, dude. Managing. Huh? Management? Maybe assistant manager. Okay. Okay. You know, maybe they might let you manage on Sundays. But what I'm saying is this. So

Starting point is 00:36:40 then he would go in and kind of apologize. And you have to think, this is something kind of crazy. Yeah. So a lot of people, you know, people went and fought in some of these wars, right? Then they came back and they never saw anybody from any of these cultures until like 40 years later when a restaurant with some different ethnic food showed up in their town. And that's the, that's like they never, that's kind of crazy to think that, you know? Does it make sense to you? Let me get this right. Yeah. Okay. So what you're saying is you're, let's just call this guy Jim. Okay. What do you want to call him? His name is Charlie.

Starting point is 00:37:14 Okay. All right. Can I call him Charlie? Huh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ironic. That his name was Charlie.

Starting point is 00:37:20 I mean, look. And he was in Nam. You were going to call him that no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. But sure, you can. Yeah. And he died.

Starting point is 00:37:29 And he wore a lot of gloves. And he wore a lot of gloves. So what you're telling me is Charlie came back from the Vietnam War. Yeah. Didn't see an Asian person for 40 fucking years. Yeah. Right? And all of a sudden yellow belly opens a Chinese restaurant.

Starting point is 00:37:43 Semi-Chinese, off Chinese. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, semi-Chinese, all right. And he walked in there, and because he hadn't seen a Vietnamese person in 40 years, he went up to a Chinese person and apologized for the Vietnam War and what he did. Yeah. Okay. His heart had been changed. That's the truth, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:38:07 Bobby, that's the truth, man. I swear. I know. But maybe go to a Vietnam would tell you. I understand that, but maybe go to a Vietnamese. A Vietnamese person. But they don't have all that. They don't have a Vietnamese restaurant in town.

Starting point is 00:38:18 At that point, it's like you just take what you can get, bro. They're, they'll hire a fucking Mexican guy who's a fucking... Who's high? No. So his eyes look Chinese. Yeah, who's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, you smoke dope 24tham when you walk here.

Starting point is 00:38:33 Whose eyes, you know, he's got this low rider eyes, you know, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so what you're saying to me is, is that, and did he feel the charge of feel better about doing that? He felt, no, I just think over the years his heart had been, like, he just kind of like,

Starting point is 00:38:49 you know, something that, you know, he just had probably some remorse. Yeah, and for, and I feel empathy for that, but I'll tell you what the Chinese people were thinking at Yellowbelly. What the fuck what that about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they're thinking? What are he talking about? Nah, yeah, yeah, because they're not in the Vietnam. Do you understand?

Starting point is 00:39:10 Yeah, I feel like, no, no, no, I think that there's, No, I know exactly what you're saying. I think, no, because we do this all the time. No, we don't. Yeah, yeah. No, we don't. Yeah, we do. We do this all the time.

Starting point is 00:39:22 And, you know, what do you mean? We do this. You're saying, you and I have this conversation a lot? Yeah, you and I always go into, and I don't want to do it anymore. I think this is the last time. Okay, give me the other hat then. Oh, you want that share crop a hat, huh? How you doing, man?

Starting point is 00:39:40 Huh? How you doing, man? I'm good, sir. Billy Lee. That's my name. Billy Lee. Billy Lee. I love you. I love you. I'm happy to be here today working for you. Sir, what can I do for you?

Starting point is 00:39:53 I just want to apologize for what I did to your people in the Vietnam War. I apologize. What's your name, man? My name? Yeah, man. My name's Clark. Clark? Clark. Clark, I apologize. But see how that feels? You have, hold on.

Starting point is 00:40:14 You have nothing to do with the fucking Vietnam War. You're a white dude named Clark wearing that hat because you happen to get a job as a busser at Yellowbelly, right? And some guy, Charlie comes up. I've been working here for almost three months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, hey, Clark, I want to apologize. Because I know you wearing that hat.

Starting point is 00:40:32 You're probably, you know what I mean? Yeah. I slaughtered a village. You know, man? And I feel bad about it, man. So, hey, I want to give me a hug, man. We hug, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:41 Get a little tip. Five bucks. That's what he would do. He'd go in there and hit him a little extra. Yeah. And Charlie seems like he would hide the tip. So there'd be a nice look. It's like in heated rivalry. You see that show? I haven't seen that. Yeah, yeah. You know that show?

Starting point is 00:40:56 The gay hockey show? Uh-uh. Is that a show? Yeah. You never heard of heated rivalry? It's the hottest show in America, did. Is it really? I think I'm afraid Josh Morrissey's in it. Yeah, yeah. It's about these two top gay hockey players, but they're in love. There's a lot of gay love in it. Is Gianni Paolo in it? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:15 I think Gianni and Josh Morrissey might be in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, in heated... No, she, Josh. There's a scene in heated rivalry when one of the hockey players passes a water bottle, right? So I'm going to just show you what one of them does.

Starting point is 00:41:30 All right. Right, so they're not out. You know what I mean? They're like these, like, manly hockey players. Right. Can you pick it up with that hand, please? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:39 No, pick it with that hand. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he passes it like this, right? And then he does it. How does that feel? Do it what they say in so that people can see it on the camera. Do it with your other hand?

Starting point is 00:41:50 So do it with this hand? Use your left hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a lot of control in this hand. I'll try. I don't give a shit. Okay, so you pick the bottom. Pick the top.

Starting point is 00:41:58 Okay, so you grab it like this, and he goes. What? Yeah, and then you take the bottle. That's like one of the first episodes. It's like kind of kind of gay relay race. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a gay relay race. But it's also a way to show like, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:42:16 Right, there's foreshadowing. Yeah, there's some foreshadowing. So if I did that to you, you and I doing a show together at the store, you know, Bob, hand me a bottle of water, right? And I handed you a bottle of water. And you stayed at half. And I kind of just briefly with my finger, rubbed your finger. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:32 How would you feel about that? I would feel like you were rubbing my finger. And I would feel like you were trying to give me, trying to say something to me, trying to say something to me with just your finger, without even saying something to me that was gay. And that, and that, and it would be something that was gay. Yeah, and I'll tell you this right now. I don't go fuck.

Starting point is 00:42:51 But would you do that to me? What if I was unconscious? No, dude. You have to feel the finger. Oh. You know that slogan? Feel the finger? I don't think so.

Starting point is 00:43:02 My grandfather used to say it all the time. Feel the finger. But do you, yeah, see? Yeah, yeah. So your grandparents can do that kind of shit. Yeah, yeah. But my grandparents can't go into a, a Chinese restaurant

Starting point is 00:43:14 Yeah, a buffet and A Chinese buffet A Chinese buffet? A Chinese buffet And trying reconcile some differences That's what I don't understand I'm saying that's You can reconcile differences

Starting point is 00:43:24 With people that you have to reconcile differences with Yeah, not some other nation Or people It makes no sense I don't know if that's I don't know if I agree with you Make your argument

Starting point is 00:43:38 Make your argument I'm trying to make it Yeah, make your fucking argument. You keep attacking me. I'm not attacking you because what you're saying is nonsensical. Bro, no, no, bro, no. You don't know anything about you think. Here's what you think.

Starting point is 00:43:52 Bobby. No, I'm sorry, Pakistan, right? I've been here so many different times, right? And I'm going to say what I'm going to say, okay? Bro, you think, no, you think. You're giving angry sharecropper energy right now. Yeah, and I am one. Okay.

Starting point is 00:44:04 Okay, I have a farm. I'm a farmer. Okay, I'll go, dude, hold on. You seem to think that the whole country. I mean, a continent of Asia, right, is one block that we have the same traditions, language, writings, culture, et cetera. They're all, I'm listening, completely different, right? I believe you.

Starting point is 00:44:29 So it's like saying, oh, yeah, and Americans like somebody from the Congo. That's not true. Yeah. It's not. What if you said, like, okay, somebody from Mississippi is like somebody that's from North Carolina. They're similar. They look similar, but they're different. One of them probably watches Outer Banks

Starting point is 00:44:46 and one of them probably listens to the soundtrack at the gym of Mississippi Burning or whatever. But the continent of North America, how many countries are in there? On the continent of North America, 51. No. Isn't there? Three. Dude, you're fucking setting me up, dude.

Starting point is 00:45:01 No, I'm not setting you up, dude. You're massad. Yeah, you are. You're a spy. You're massad. I'm the opposite. You are? Yeah, I'm in rubble. You what? I'm in rubble. You're in rubble? Yeah. Okay, good.

Starting point is 00:45:12 You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is there's three countries on our continent, which are what? North America, South America, Mexico. No, no, no, no. What is it? See, that's why, you know what I mean? Charlie shouldn't have said shit, dog.

Starting point is 00:45:29 But, dude, he doesn't understand. You know politically things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't understand. There's Canada, America, and also Mexico. Yeah? Yeah. Now, is Central America?

Starting point is 00:45:41 No, that's a... What is Central America? Yeah. That's not a part of... Okay, this is when the wizard runs out of his magic, right? Yeah, this guy got it. Give me the...

Starting point is 00:45:50 How many countries... I mean, how many countries are in North America? This is including Central America. Yeah, but is Central America North America? I don't think so. Just put it in North America.

Starting point is 00:46:02 How many countries are in North America? Bro. No, just let me finish. It's never going to end, dude. How many countries do in North America? 11. That's Central America and stuff. It's including.

Starting point is 00:46:14 But yeah. Ooh, Haiti. Yeah. In North America, there's three countries. Okay. Oh, Canada. So it's like, okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:22 But here's my defense in defense of Charlie is. Defense of who? Charlie. Oh, okay. He would call, bro, they don't, what I'm saying is in some smaller communities, they will open up a place that has a cuisine from an area even, a realm, right? What do you mean? Like Lord of the Ring shit?

Starting point is 00:46:41 Yeah, they'll open up with some fucking Mongolian Oh, Mongolian restaurants Those are my favorite Or you know what I'm saying They'll open up a Mandarin Yeah Or Mongolian

Starting point is 00:46:50 Stir fry place Chinese adjacent They'll like Chinese adjacent Yeah Yeah So they'll open that up Bobby

Starting point is 00:46:57 And then The people that work there First of all There's no way To win this argument It's fucking crazy Let me take this hat up There's no

Starting point is 00:47:06 I'm gonna hear you out What's the problem with the heck? Yeah, I don't like it. I want to just be my son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's no way to win this argument, but I'm so interested to see how you're going to do it. Go ahead. This is my final rebuttal.

Starting point is 00:47:16 All right. Go ahead. And this is like the end of that movie. Have you seen a time to kill? No. Give me another movie. All right. Oh, Lincoln lawyer, but I think I don't think.

Starting point is 00:47:26 Yeah, yeah. Give me another movie. All right. Bridge over the river Kauai. Yes, I have. Okay. So this is different than that. Okay.

Starting point is 00:47:37 Here's what I'm going to tell you. Hold on, it's Santino. It is? Yeah, hold on. Yeah, what's up? I'm doing Theo's, so. Project Hail Mary is one of the best movies I've seen in years. I know.

Starting point is 00:47:48 It was an amazing movie, right? What's it called Bus Boys? I cried like four times. I told you, dude. That's one of the best movies I've seen in years. What's it called? And then right after I went and I watched Bus Boys, which is now in limited theaters all around the country.

Starting point is 00:48:02 Yeah, and how do you feel about Bus Boys? Bus Boys is up there. with some of the greatest fantasy, sci-fi dramas. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I loved it. I loved every second of it.

Starting point is 00:48:16 Hi, Theo. Hey, brother, what's up, man? We miss you. You miss you. Love you guys very much. Sorry to interrupt. I'll talk about the movie later. But what was that movie called?

Starting point is 00:48:25 What was that movie called? No, I'm going to tell you after we hang out. Okay, great. Okay. Okay, let me get the... Project Harold Mary. Project Mehal Mary? It's great, huh?

Starting point is 00:48:31 It's so good. I want to go see it. Is it in theaters or it's on VOD? I would recommend you watch it in theaters, but you're not going to watch it. Yeah, well. Would Charlie watch it? Huh?

Starting point is 00:48:40 Would Charlie watch it if he was alive? No, he didn't. Well, then that's, you're part of the same. He liked to be in the shed and he liked to curse a lot. Oh, oh, like the Unabomber. I don't know about that. No. Okay.

Starting point is 00:48:51 But he took care of my mother. He had a small dog. But here's what I want to tell you, though. Oh, yeah, finish the argument. Okay. A lot of times in small communities, Bobby, people, if anybody seems semi-Asian, if anybody seems, Semi-Asian. What's a semi-Asian?

Starting point is 00:49:03 A guy who's Asian, but also, you don't know if he's Asian, man. If somebody just has, dark hair. It could be a white guy but he had funny eyes. Even just a trans chick who can't see that good right? Like people will fucking, it all works in that sort of place. It doesn't work.

Starting point is 00:49:19 Because it's wrong. It doesn't work for us bro, but in that kind of place you just you just take what, like you, like you take what you can get. Right. And so they'll have people, sometimes you'll get a Mexican guy that's been in a fire even and they'll be like, oh, this guy's Taiwanese or something. He's not. Right. But people don't know, dude.

Starting point is 00:49:34 They just, so I'm just saying like sometimes that of shit happens and people try to make bridges where they can. Okay, if there was a guy that was slightly blue, would you think that they were from the movie Avatar? I'm sure Charlie would have went up to him. You know, and offered him a fucking... Dude, speaking of... Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:52 But let's move on. No, no, I don't want to move on. I think I see your point of view, right? I'm not seeing it's right or anything. Yeah, yeah. What I'm saying, though, is that this is small town, you know what I mean? World view. but also

Starting point is 00:50:06 Yeah No there's Not New York tip Bring up that Asian Fellow we had on here That young boy or whatever Yeah I remember I saw some clips Um

Starting point is 00:50:15 Yeah Asian Ray young boy Asian Bobby Kiskeet to your left Yeah and he Listen to what he said one day That brought me into some crazy Okay Racism that was happening

Starting point is 00:50:27 Okay I don't think we'll find it there It might stop us But maybe it won't Maybe you will I don't think it's on here The full one might be on YouTube short Something

Starting point is 00:50:35 Can you just find it? Dude, oh, did you see those... Listen how mess up this is, dude. Did you see... Okay, there's moving slot machines that are going on? Tell me, I would like to see it. They move?

Starting point is 00:50:45 Watch this. They move, no. Oh, yeah. They're going to be coming after y'all. All right. Look at this, Bobby. Whoa. So say you're...

Starting point is 00:50:58 I know. Yeah. You're taking a shit. No? No, and it comes looking for you, no, that's crazy. But say, your wife's like, all right, you can't gamble anymore

Starting point is 00:51:08 tonight. to bed or whatever. Right. And that thing comes knocking on your door later with like a little bottle of wine or something. Oh, that'd be crazy. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even just for like you put a hundred bucks in it though, no? Yeah, but that thing could pin a fucking, dude, that thing could pin an older Taiwanese man against a

Starting point is 00:51:25 wallet and make him spend every buck he's got. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. I'm just saying that's just messed up. Yeah, yeah, I think that this is too far, is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Moving anything, like, you know, like, but ATM machine, too, then. If they do this, they do ATM.

Starting point is 00:51:40 Yeah. What else machines can they do? Oh, you know, the crane game? Oh, yeah. That one I would like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never gotten one, have you? Really, you haven't? I could, I can never grab it, dude.

Starting point is 00:51:52 Huh. Yeah. Sometimes I'll, I'll have it hook onto like, you know, like on a plush toy. There's like the little, whoever manual, like made in China. There's like a little bit of a white. I try to get the crane, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:52:05 Go through the part of the ticket that are a little late. The label and I try to pull it up that way, but it somehow slips, dude. Oh, dang, that's a good strategy, though. But, yeah, I just, what is it? What kind of age? What kind of age is he? This age?

Starting point is 00:52:22 No, age. Oh, he's Thai. Oh, I like it. He's Thai. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about him. What do he say? He's Juan.

Starting point is 00:52:30 He's Mexican, or he's Taiwan, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Taiwan. Am I center? My center or watch. Look at the kind of shit that these kids are coming over here and saying, Bobby. I don't want to hear it. I would let you call me a Chinchang.

Starting point is 00:52:43 I'll give it a pass. Really? Yeah, just call you one time. It's okay. I know you want to do it. I don't want to do it. It's okay. Like, I'm cool it.

Starting point is 00:52:52 Like, you feel me? I'm going to give it a pass. You can say, I would not say. I would probably, I would think of something better. I want to hear it. I don't like Ching Chong that much.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Why? I would maybe call you like a slot machine boy or something like that. Something that Asian people like to do. Look at this little. kind of Slot machine Look at this little slot machine Yeah

Starting point is 00:53:12 What do you mean by like Like we slur Like Like ding ding Yeah That's the slot machine That's not I'm not I'm saying that

Starting point is 00:53:19 Yes No I think that slot machine Winner It's like It'd be like a slot machine Just add Like a When you hit the bonus

Starting point is 00:53:25 On a slot machine And the money goes up Ding Gong chong Chong chong Donpong That's crazy Let me tell you something That's unfair

Starting point is 00:53:33 You know that guy We know We all know each other I can call Un right now, dog Kim Jong-un? That's right, dog. You know he was supposed to play your role in the movie? Who?

Starting point is 00:53:46 KJU. Might have been joking. You're going to give him one line in a movie? We offered him. It's four lines. Are you going to put him to the center of the... It was the only... Wait, wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:53:57 I was second choice, dog? No. Wait, wait, wait, I was second choice for four lines in your movie. Hold on. That's crazy, dude. I don't know if it's... I don't know if it's true or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:10 I believe you. Yeah, you were a producer. And you wrote the thing. Dude, we barely got through it. We made it during the fires, Bobby. Yeah, I understand that. Listen, about this Asian guy, okay? Number one.

Starting point is 00:54:22 I don't want to give him any more airtime. This guy's kind of fucking room. You brought it up! All right. You made me watch the whole video and then, like, watch it. I can't say anything? All right, then go on. Right.

Starting point is 00:54:34 He's not, he's from Ching Chong. Go on, Bobby. All right? He's from the land of them He ain't no American I'm American I know you are Yeah yeah I mean

Starting point is 00:54:45 So it's like Ching Chong hits different With me Than that Ching Chong Yeah You know what I mean Oh yeah Yeah you know

Starting point is 00:54:53 So it's like You know That little fucks Also let me say something That little octopus Nuckle He ain't shit He ain't shit

Starting point is 00:54:58 There's a little octopus Nuckle dude You know what I mean And let me say something Slots I know what you said that man Because the slot Is a slit

Starting point is 00:55:05 Nah Yeah that's why you said it. A slot is a slit and a slit is a slot, dude. Bro, I'm doing parables, dude. Parables. Yeah, let me say something about... All right, tell me some. Let me say something, okay? Right. I give you permission, maybe not on camera, but off camera to say whatever you want to call me, because I'm not going to take a person like. I don't do that. Yeah, you do. You have. And I've said, I've called you certain things.

Starting point is 00:55:37 Oh, really? Yeah. just to you off camera. To me? Was that there? Yeah, is that what you're saying? I was there? Yes. Oh, off camera you have, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not behind my back, though. No, not behind your, you know what? Wow. Well, I don't want to. The defense rest. We're going to break for lunch. You know, in the past, I was hesitant to invest my money.

Starting point is 00:56:07 And who wouldn't be? Because, you know, I mean, I used to throw my money in a, wishing well when I was a child and just, and I wish for more money, but I didn't realize I was working backwards. So many of us only focused on where our money is today, but Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. That's what they do. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. That's one thing I like about it.

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Starting point is 00:57:22 Compaidation provides incentives to positively promote acorns tier two compensation provided. Potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age, and investment settings. Does not include ACORN's fees, results do not predict or represent the performance of any ACORN's portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns'L-L-C-L-C-S-E-C-C-R-E-C-E-C-E-E. There's times in the past where I went to the doctor. And I didn't feel like I got anything useful out of the visit. That's true. I'd go in there. One time the guy tickled me and wrote some, he wrote some profanity on a little sketchpad or something. That's why I'm excited about this company called Superpower. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab.

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Starting point is 00:58:35 And after you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about them. Tell them we sent you. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Life's a journey. Hell, and look, we're barely living. You know that. People are poisoned by food. There's glyphosate and, you know, you're watching television,

Starting point is 00:58:54 getting glyphosate thrown in your face through the, you know, 4K or whatever, 5G wireless. You know, the animals aren't breathing. You know what's going on. What I'm saying is some days feel good and others. feel overwhelming. Better Help is reminding us that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it's a good time to check in with yourself and understand where you're at. That's where BetterHelp comes in. Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully

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Starting point is 00:59:49 Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash Theo. That's betterh-elp.com slash Theo. No. The judge is going to return to his chambers. We'll be back after lunch. Yeah, yeah. Dun-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Remember that show?

Starting point is 01:00:05 Love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've said some stuff beyond your back. Ooh, Bobby got that hitter, huh? What's on? What flavor is it? That's fucking tobacco, dude. Yours is just tobacco flavoring. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:18 I quit smoking over a month ago, so sometimes I'll take a hit. That's insane, bro. Yeah, that's how I quit. The same way of fucking not quit. What do you mean, dude? That's not quitting. Dude, if you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, 20 cigarettes. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:35 20 cigarettes And I lit me one Have you heard that song? No Morgan Wallen? No Dude, I went to his concert I don't know the modern shit

Starting point is 01:00:44 I went to his concert The other night Dude I saw I saw fucking Karen Carpenter At the Coachella I didn't know one song Really?

Starting point is 01:00:51 Yeah yeah yeah She came out She came out And I had Not one song No Sabrina Carpenter Oh yeah

Starting point is 01:00:59 Yeah Her and Cardena died Her and Madonna Yeah Dude no Morgan Wallin dude Bro you got to go see him No, I'm not going to see.

Starting point is 01:01:06 Bro. You got to do his walkout with him, bro. Have you ever seen he does a walkouts where people walk out with him? Nick Saban, freaking walked out with him, Bobby. Yeah, I don't even know who Nick Saban is, dude. I only know people. It's not Nick Savin, dude. Like, he's a guy who freaking makes coupons.

Starting point is 01:01:19 He might be saving something. It's Nick Saban. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, listen to me, guy. Bro, he loves you, dude. Yeah, and I love him back, dude. But what I want to say to you is this. Last night, we let the liquor talk.

Starting point is 01:01:31 Bro. Bro. Last night, we left. the liquor talk. That's good start, dude. Listen to me, dude. I don't... I hear listening.

Starting point is 01:01:39 It's a regional thing, dude. You're out there in Nashville. You know what? All your shit? Right? We don't do shit like that, dude. You right? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:01:55 Smooth? That's your shit, dude. You know what I mean? We do different shit out here in L.A. dog. What? Yeah. Rap, punk bands, you know what I mean? You all are...

Starting point is 01:02:05 You're right. You know what I mean? You know what? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last night my bus fell down a river. Like music, I don't even relate to. Last night my dog came, said hello.

Starting point is 01:02:18 Yeah, that's your music. You know, my corn's growing like sombreros. Like Nevada. I'm sorry. Let's Friday Country Zone real quick. What? All right, what? I woke up and I couldn't see.

Starting point is 01:02:35 this morning then I realized it was night so I had to re-download my iPhone software I put my white hat

Starting point is 01:02:53 through the door I mean, bro I like the ending is it's like a CBD It's a CBD Why did you say CBD? To be decided It's like a

Starting point is 01:03:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it could be CBC, you said What? Dude, dude, did you see that gay volleyball? No, hold on a second. We keep, bro, we're not, we don't even know what we're saying, bro. I know that's a thing. That's a thing. When you and I are together, right?

Starting point is 01:03:18 Just say it, man. There's anxiety and we want to get to the next thing, right? Because we think that silence is bad. That's a good point. I do feel like that. Have you always felt like that? No, but when I realize, it doesn't matter with you and I. It's going to be good.

Starting point is 01:03:35 Well, let's see your next. It's going to be good and there's no need for anxiety and there's no need to like what's clippable. And, you know, because when you and I are together, sometimes it gets clippable and it becomes sometimes viral. Yeah. And when I was coming here today, there's a reason why I haven't done your shit in a long time is because I don't like the pressure of doing it with you specifically. Because if we don't create magic, right, then it was just a waste. I brought that up to Nick today before you came. Yeah, yeah. And I prayed about it before this.

Starting point is 01:04:05 But what I believe is that then when I was driving, I was like, I don't care. Whatever it is, it is. Yeah. And I'm okay with that. You know, I mean, because we're both doing well in life. And I believe that you're a very good person. I'm a good person. And just not rush through it, man.

Starting point is 01:04:26 I'm here as long as you need me. You know what I mean? But I think we have something. I mean, where's Bear Dick at? He's over there. Yeah, Bear Dick. Yeah. Do we get stuff already?

Starting point is 01:04:37 Yeah, I think you gave the clippers some fuel, yeah. We got some stuff, right? You got more enough. We got that more than enough. So what I'm saying is, is that, um, can you slide to your right a bit? You're in Theo shot. I know, I know. Honestly, dude, what you're doing right now is I said to go to the left and now got to go to the right?

Starting point is 01:04:52 We haven't had this problem yet. You're, you just, you know, you're full of energy. Does you look on synergy? He's just creeping into your shots. So move your mic over. Okay, got to get you. Move your mic and you're good. Bobby, look at this right here.

Starting point is 01:05:03 This is you in the movie. But no, no, look. This is your anxiety. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the guy you beat out for your... Okay, first of all. No, no, no, no, no, that's the guy you beat out.

Starting point is 01:05:17 No, no, no, no. That's Kim Jong-un as me in the movie, dude. No, he came in for a read. That's the guy you beat out for your role, you freak. Oh, so he came from North Korea. Okay. And red, went on set and read for you and he didn't get it? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:33 Yeah, and then you were like, What other, are you to mean? Chong chongs do we know? And then you called me? How many people did you call before you called me? Did you call Ken Jong? Did you call Jimmy O Yang? I did send to text to Kim Jong.

Starting point is 01:05:46 He didn't text me back. Ken Jong? Kim Jong. Yeah, yeah. And I did also, we did reach out to Ken Yong. Or Ken Jum-un. What is his name? Kim Jong-in.

Starting point is 01:05:56 Kim Jong-un. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's Ken Jong. That's Ken Jong. So he said no. He said no. Yeah, yeah. But he did, you know what he did say, though?

Starting point is 01:06:03 And they wrote a letter back. like his affairs person or whatever. Yeah. And they said that they loved David Spade and Dickie Roberts. I thought that was just hilarious that they put that in there. That's pretty cool. Who else did you offer it before you offered it to me? We offered it.

Starting point is 01:06:15 You were second. Oh, so Kim Jong-un, the dictator from North Korea. Yep. And then I was second. 100% I promise you. 100%. Yeah. Thank you so much.

Starting point is 01:06:26 You bet. You know what I mean? Because I think you got it. If you got dictator, like Victor Orban. And then we got Dick Taster. So I think we did good. Dude, it's not fair what you just said. Bro, you didn't have a lot.

Starting point is 01:06:39 Yeah, I just, yeah, I leaked the tip. I only had a little. Yeah, I only had one B's. Yeah, I only had omacase. I almost say, dude. Okay, dude, that's all I did, right? And you know this about me, dude. I do.

Starting point is 01:06:51 I might be 5% by. And that's not a lot. That's not a lot, dude. Bro, these days? These days, dude, they go all the way of 100%, dude. You know what I mean? And it's like, I didn't get that. No.

Starting point is 01:07:03 I would be okay. If I had 100%, but I'm only 5%. Dude, if I was gay, I would just, I think, still. I think you're 3%. I think you're 3%. Yeah, yeah. I think in the right circumstances, you would kiss the tip. I would.

Starting point is 01:07:16 Henry Cavow. Who's Henry Cabo? Superman, the one before. No, I'm not having some guy who's working all the time out meeting people at night and shit like that. Okay. Here's what I will say this. If I didn't get married to a woman at some point and there was like a cool dude, who was not trying to, like, do any sex or touch my ass or anything,

Starting point is 01:07:38 but wanted to chill separate rooms. Maybe he is a chef or something. Maybe. If I also don't have to talk to him every day. Okay. So it's 1%. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 01:07:51 You're 1%. 1%. Or even, dude, I dated a chick with hard tits and that freaking kind of. That was a lot. Dude, I dated a hot chick. Yeah. With Sarah Connor ass. No.

Starting point is 01:08:01 You know Sarah Connor from Terminator? No. Yeah. Like she was buff, right? So her ass felt Schwarzenegger-like. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I like it when it's like,

Starting point is 01:08:11 there's like some fat. You know what I mean? Yeah. And she was beautiful, but her ass was Sarah Connor and I couldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like,

Starting point is 01:08:21 because I'm not the Terminator. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't have those robotics. Some ass, too, a woman, they go to the gym so much and their ass has a little bit of hair on it. That's the craziest thing.

Starting point is 01:08:30 Yeah, like how much hair? Not a lot, but just enough where you feel they shaved a couple times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not crazy, I don't care. Yeah. But it is a surprise.

Starting point is 01:08:39 It's a surprise. Sometimes when you go in the cave and you see some foliage. Yeah. You know what I mean? That I don't like. Oh, really? I like my caves clean. Okay.

Starting point is 01:08:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we have now the technology to do it. I don't want foliage because I'm not like a cave dweller. Dude, would you go back in the 1400s? Do you think and eat a little bit of ass or what? In the 1400s? I would pass on that, dog. All right?

Starting point is 01:09:01 Yeah, man. You get the measles. Oh, you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get some sort of like, you know what I mean, that would kill somebody back then. Yeah, yeah, I'd have like one of those Asian, you know what I mean? Yeah, I get it I mean. You get that holio polio.

Starting point is 01:09:15 You get that holio, polio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you eat 1400 ass? Polio polio? No, dude, I'm not doing that shit. Dude, I will tell you this, bro, no. I don't know. I wouldn't even answer that question.

Starting point is 01:09:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You asked me. I know. Yeah, I wonder, but here's the thing, let's just, before you move on, because you're viewing anxiety. I know you're doing your anxiety. Let me chill out. All right, chill out for a second, okay?

Starting point is 01:09:37 You know what I mean? Because I'm a, I'm a podcaster as well. I know, dude, you're a professional. You guys have one of the top ten podcasts in the world. So are you. So, um... That's crazy to think that, though. I don't think about it.

Starting point is 01:09:48 But it's still crazy to think. I don't think. It's crazy just that it's... People tell me, I go, oh, I guess. What is you? Is your podcast big in, um, like in other parts of the world? I don't know. As it is here.

Starting point is 01:09:58 I don't know the stats. I don't know the stats. And it's like, you know, it's like that old term, you know what I mean? I don't live in the results. A cooked pot doesn't boil or whatever. What is that term? What is it? A watch pot doesn't boil.

Starting point is 01:10:12 Watch pot doesn't boil. A cook pot does boil, though. A cook pot does boil, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, how about this? When you use terminology sometimes, think about it first. I think that's one of your problems. You mean, when it pops into your head, I don't think there is that thing that goes.

Starting point is 01:10:32 Let's think about it. Yeah. You just say, well, it's that town, cook pot, you know what I mean, boils, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's not the right thing. So I think that's a part of your anxiety. Yeah, you're right. Right. It's hard for me to leave that space in a place.

Starting point is 01:10:46 I'll just, like, if something's like somebody, if two people are sitting there and nobody's talking, it gets really uncomfortable. Yeah. You're that way, too, Bobby. No, I've changed for me. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm so serious.

Starting point is 01:10:57 What'd you really do to change that? Because that's a big thing. A lot of people deal with it. Because I don't really care it really anymore. I have empathy and I care about the world and that's not what I mean. I don't care. Like, whatever direction my life takes, I'm just going to go with the flow. And it's not my responsibility or I'm not a psychic.

Starting point is 01:11:17 I don't know what's going to end up happening to me. But what question you answering right now, what I'm asking you is, uh, what do you mean? If, like, say you and I are talking and, or say you're talking to anybody, right? And it becomes a moment of silence. This happens to me a lot in relationships. If there's a moment of silence, it's hard. far from me just sit there and let there be silence. Yeah, but that's...

Starting point is 01:11:34 But you said that you've changed with that. So what I'm asking is how have you changed? What have you done that's changed? Because that's kind of... I think therapy has helped. I think Lexa Pro has helped. You know, sometimes I'll tell Ritalin for my ADHD. I didn't take any today.

Starting point is 01:11:46 How much pro you want? Yeah. Lexopro. Lexopro? Yeah. 10 milligrams, I think. Okay, that's a little dose. It's a dose.

Starting point is 01:11:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like when they say, when you're performing, a lot of comics hate the silence. But that's when they're listening, right? and I feel so comfortable with you because we've known each other for so long that we could take a break. We don't always have to like

Starting point is 01:12:09 chase a laugh or say something super interesting. That's the thing, it's like we perform for the algorithm and for what people are gonna want to watch. I think with you sometimes it does turn into that. This is the first time I've ever thought that. So it's funny that you said that for you came over whenever you got over here because I did think that. Didn't we talk about it, Nick?

Starting point is 01:12:29 I said, what would we say? What are we going to talk about? And I was like, let the moments happen. Yeah. Yeah. And if the moments don't happen, I'm okay with that too. That's okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:41 Because we'll podcast again and again. And I don't want to lose out on a chance to have a good time with you. I'm already having a blast. Me too. You know what I mean? The things that you talked about, Charlie, was insane. It's not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:55 And it's fucking insane. And that's already something that people are going to go, what the fuck is he talking about? Because he's a small town, like he likes to go out to eat or anything? No, no, no, I don't want to re-re-do. Don't do your fucking confused white face. You guys, you're confused white face. Who does? Who are you?

Starting point is 01:13:13 You know, you guys. You guys do that a lot. Oh, you think we're all. We didn't start a war. What? And your eyes crossed. What about? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:13:23 You started it. You started it. You started it. We didn't. Yeah, you started. it's been going on for 47 years. That's fucking. You mean? They're about to have

Starting point is 01:13:33 a nuclear weapon. Come on, man. Don't do confused white face. I get it. I know the tone. I've been around a long time. I know confused whites. That's Trump and his fucking I know, but that you're a, sometimes you're a confused white. You think so? That's Trump and his fucking missile monkeys doing that shit. But those missile monkeys

Starting point is 01:13:51 are also confused whites. Munking it around. I know. You know what I'm saying is that, you know, Don't confuse white me, dog. You're right. You know what I mean? Because I'm a confused yellow. No, you're not.

Starting point is 01:14:03 Sometimes I am. Really? I get confused, yeah. But the Lexer pros help. You always seem confident. Has it really helped you? What does it help you with? I'll say this, you seem a little less shy.

Starting point is 01:14:15 Because sometimes you get shy. You ever try to put your hand in an aquarium? You try to get one of the fish out of there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a coy fish? Or just at a party or whatever. And they keep going. They will not come into your hand. Yeah, because it's a defense mechanism.

Starting point is 01:14:27 But that's how you are. No, but they're like, you mean, a crazed white is, you know what I'm trying to grab me? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'll keep my hand open and just wait until something comes in it. Will you clutch it? No, it's kind of softly open like this.

Starting point is 01:14:40 Do they ever do it? Never. Never. You know why? Why? They're scared. That's how remind me of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:47 That's a behavior I get out of you. Yeah, I'm not really that scared anymore. Good. Yeah, yeah. Are you scared? Fuck, yeah. No, I'm happy to hear that. Are you scared?

Starting point is 01:14:55 Are you scared? You know, I've gone through a period recently in the past few months where I've definitely dealt with some fear, you know. Yeah, yeah. I think scared of like, yeah, I don't know, dude. Like, things get scary in the world. And you think, like, yeah, if you say certain things that people are going to do something bad to you or something bad could happen to somebody you know. Do I get death threats and things like that? Yeah, that's scary.

Starting point is 01:15:18 You get those? Sometimes I have. From who? I'm not going to, I block them immediately. I don't know who. Have you ever gotten a stalker? Walker before? Oh yeah. No way. Have you? No. Never. Can I tell you something that's you're confused about again? Yeah, right? And this has happened to me four or five times. I'll have a, I'll match

Starting point is 01:15:43 with somebody with Raya. I'll take them on a date and they go, what's Theo up to? And I go, because I was hanging out with Vancouver and then like, I couldn't get in touch with him and it's like, you know, like tell me, you know, right? And four matches were, listen, hear me out.

Starting point is 01:16:00 I'm listening. Four of my Ryan matches, right, were because they were trying to get to you and that's when I deleted Raya. You're off. I'm off of it. I've never been on it. I know,

Starting point is 01:16:10 but my point is that, you know what is it? My point? Yeah. That women probably do stock you. I believe they do. Oh, I have,

Starting point is 01:16:18 yeah, I do have a lot of women, you know, I mean, on my Instagram going, you know what I mean? Tell Theo, I think he's hot. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you know, I'm pretty hot. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:30 Dude, if I were a gay dude, I would fucking smash you, dude. Or I would date you or I'd ask you out. Sorry. Don't smash right away, man. What are you going to take me? Huh? Where are you going to take me? You know where.

Starting point is 01:16:41 Yeah, yeah. Yellow belly. Yeah. I got it, bro. And we'll apologize for Charlie. Hey, free appetizers. Yeah. No, dude.

Starting point is 01:16:50 You would take me somewhere nice. I would take you somewhere nice. Like if I said like, what town is this? L.A. I would take you to homocase if they have that. Dude, it's just too gay, dude. Just disguising their wiener as fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:04 Like, oh. No, I think it would take me somewhere nice. Like if I go, A, let me take me to Mastro's Steakhouse. I would take you somewhere nice like that. Really nice, yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend Matt Weiss used to take me there all the time. Would you make out, like, if you were gay and I was Edgar dead, would you make out with me that night or?

Starting point is 01:17:19 I don't think so. I don't like to make it. make out on a full stomach. So, yeah, me either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what I've been doing lately, dude?

Starting point is 01:17:27 Inner cleanings. What is it? Are you talking, uh, I've been doing inner cleanings, dude. Are you, and what do you guys? And what do you mean about it? What do you mean by it? When you say inner cleanings, inner cleaners. Inter cleaners.

Starting point is 01:17:37 When I say inner cleanings, what would that? What do you, you talking about? I just had a colonoscopy. Oh, damn, that butt fountain or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a butt fountain. They found no pulp. Did they? Yeah, and they found no cancer.

Starting point is 01:17:54 Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I do inner cleaning. So what I'll do is by my bathtub, I have one of those Japanese toilets. Yeah? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, right?

Starting point is 01:18:05 Yeah, I sit on it, it warms up right away. I stepdaddy would shoot those if he saw him. You Charlie would? He wouldn't shoot, but he would draw on it. Yeah, he would draw on it. He would draw on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, it's a flashback and trauma.

Starting point is 01:18:19 I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. That's what I'm saying, dude. Anyway, and what I do is I have fancy body wash next to my toilet, right? So I have a bidet. You have a bidet? No, I don't have that. Do you know what one it is?

Starting point is 01:18:35 Yeah, I know it's something that washes in your ass and stuff like that. And I respect it. I'm glad we have it as a culture, but I don't want it. Why don't you want it? I'd rather wash my own ass like a fucking man. I know, but the thing is that when you use dry toilet paper, right? you're not getting the innards. But sometimes you'll put some wetter on that toilet paper, dude.

Starting point is 01:18:53 What's the wetner? Wetner, keep your little stash of water by your toilet. Yeah, well, just get a fucking bodega. It just does it naturally when you press a button. Yeah. You're going to have a fucking wetner? It's the same fucking thing. Dude, I'm not fucking letting some Waymo fucking clean my ass, dude.

Starting point is 01:19:08 All right. I'm doing it myself. But you can control the angles. I'm old-fashioned. All right, dude. So I control the levels. Yeah. So it hits the hole.

Starting point is 01:19:17 But that's not a colonoscopy. I already had one last week. Okay. But now I'm talking about cleaning my innards. Dude, they let you keep anything that comes out of it. Like if they have like a... They found a fingernail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they found a fingernail.

Starting point is 01:19:28 Fuck yeah, I knew those are in there. Somebody said those are in there. Yeah, yeah, those are in there, dude. Dang. No, but so I... So your health is good? No, no, and let me finish my inert story, dude. That's what's your problem is.

Starting point is 01:19:38 You're right. All right. And I take some body wash. I let the boday hit directly into the, you know what I mean? Calamari. Yeah, what I like to call it. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 01:19:48 Okay. Okay. That's what it looks like. Okay. Right, right? I hit the calumari, right? And then sometimes I'll open up my own cheeks, right? Oh, damn.

Starting point is 01:19:55 So that the water sprays right into the hole. Into the Hormuz, huh? The Hormuz spray the straight to Hormuz, right? It does close. It does close, right? You know what I mean? But, you know what I mean? We're charging.

Starting point is 01:20:07 We're charging $2 million per vessel. That's what you got to charge my poo, dude. Yeah. I charge my poo $2 million, then they pay it. Bro. That's what you got to tell your mud hole. It's like, hey, blinking. twice if you're in trouble, you know?

Starting point is 01:20:19 Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I spray it inside and then I'll take a tissue paper, some body wash, right? I'll get it inside the hole and I'll do a double spray. Ooh. Right, in the hall, right? Then I do a dry wipe. Okay. Right. And I leave so that like, you know, I mean, when you're having sexuality with my girlfriend, right?

Starting point is 01:20:39 You know what I mean? There's no problem. Right. I mean, aren't you self-cleaning when you know you're about to hook up? Yeah, I'll wash my whole body. I've been taking a little break right now from dating and stuff like that but I'll wash my whole body I do that too I do that too okay yeah

Starting point is 01:20:56 yeah I know I only was that I don't know I don't know what you're doing you're fucking no wait no wait wait wait wait Have you ever met yourself? Have you met yourself? Have you made yourself it's crazy you're crazy dude you're fucking crazy whatever dude

Starting point is 01:21:13 whatever you told me yeah you know what I told you what you said you used to work on the Andrea Gale dude that fishing boat That went down, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I survived it. Yeah, yeah, I survived it. And you lied, dude.

Starting point is 01:21:23 Yeah, I lied about it. So, my bad. But let me say something right now, okay? Of course I wash my body before I do that process. Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I'm saying, all right? All right.

Starting point is 01:21:33 Yeah, yeah. See, that's all you do is wash your body. I wash my body. Do you steam your body? I'll go to sauna in the morning. In Nashville? Yeah, Nashville or here. Oh, you do?

Starting point is 01:21:45 I've never been to sauna with you. You haven't? No, I like to do it one day. Yeah. I'd love to go over there, man. You know, there's supposed to be some good places that people go, like, as a group and stuff. I haven't been any of those. I'll just do it at home, but also I'll go to Equinoxia over there and I'll go over there.

Starting point is 01:21:58 You mean as a group? Like, you know, people will get this. Like a boy band? There's like a bath house or something. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not talking like an O-Town reunion or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Like, if we've gathered a group of comics, me, you, Gillis, Santino.

Starting point is 01:22:13 That'd be so fun. That'd be fun. You know what I mean? And would you be, like, one of those people? because a lot of, and I'm I know I'm bringing white up a lot, right? It's all right. All right, but what I'm saying.

Starting point is 01:22:22 I knew you were going to do it before you came here. Well, you bring up Asia a lot. Like, you're confused about the whole fucking continent. Well, you guys aren't sharing a ton of information. To Iran, we are. To Iran? Yeah, we have satellites. Well, we're not getting much.

Starting point is 01:22:41 You guys aren't sending me. I'm an American. Let's move on. Okay. Okay, but what I want to say is, Have you seen this volleyball player that you... We were trying to find a movie role for you. When I was on Bad Friends, we were trying to find a movie role for you

Starting point is 01:22:51 that would be really, really great. And we're like, what would be a great movie role for Robbie? And we found... Have you seen this guy? Yeah, yeah. Let's see it. This is one boy, Jordan Lucas over at C-Sond, dude. Okay.

Starting point is 01:23:05 Splash, baby. He gets it done, bro. Oh, he's... Oh, I see. I understand. Welcome to volleyball. I understand. Yeah, I understand.

Starting point is 01:23:15 Valley ball, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the valley, right? He's at C-Sond? Yeah, C-Sond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up in Northridge, bro.

Starting point is 01:23:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He put that flamenco on him, baby. I understand the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's flashing that flamenco. Yeah, yeah. So that's, I would play a black gay man in a movie. No, this guy's not black.

Starting point is 01:23:35 He's not? What is he? No. Jordan Lucas? Yeah. He's a fucking boss. That's what he is. Oh, he's a boss.

Starting point is 01:23:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems like a black boss. He's sassy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, would you be intimidated To playing against him? Bro, game set's sassy, brother. That dude is a fucking boss, bro. But would I be, yes, I'd be intimidated playing against anybody that is doing, that plays volleyball well.

Starting point is 01:23:59 Yeah, oh, that's true. He's a boss, but. Shout out C-Sons. And what's your team name? And it says right there, I can't stop watching the vid of this Northridge College volleyball beast diva L-O-L-L. That's where we're at, bro. The beast divas have launched, homie. Yeah, boy.

Starting point is 01:24:16 Yeah, bro. Yeah. That's what we, you need, you need that kind of like energy in the world. You need aggressive, capable gay males. Or semi-gay. I don't have no idea. This guy definitely, has he said that he is gay? I don't know if you say in an interview with him.

Starting point is 01:24:34 He's gay. He could only, but he could be straight and have gay moves. Now that's awesome. I've done some gay moves. But I'm, you know, I mean 95% straight. We know, dude. No, no, no. Like, I'll wait and I'll go.

Starting point is 01:24:46 Okay. Yeah what I mean? But that doesn't necessarily mean. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Like when I kiss the tip, I do it manly. Okay.

Starting point is 01:24:54 You know what I mean? That's not. Like a dad like kissing his son goodbye. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like that, dude.

Starting point is 01:25:03 Yeah. Like aggressive, but like heterol. Yeah, yeah. Hetero, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Have you seen the Thai draft? So there's a draft in Thailand? No.

Starting point is 01:25:14 Yeah. Bro, you're Spike Lee. That would be your name, dude. If you play volleyball. Dude, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be so fucking sick, dude. Ladies gentlemen, Spike Lee.

Starting point is 01:25:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be spiking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you should do a show. We should do a movie. Heated rivalry where I'm Spike Lee, right? And we're not putting you on the poster if we do it. You're volleyball on.

Starting point is 01:25:41 But we'll do a movie. You and me are the leads and just I'm on the poster. But it's like heated rivalry, where I hand you a, And you touch my finger There's a finger Right What do you think So you're saying

Starting point is 01:25:52 What we do like It's a movie So it's not It's art It's art You think we broke back Jake Jolano Yeah

Starting point is 01:25:57 I know Jake You do? I love him Oh yeah Yeah I had dinner with him He's a great guy You did?

Starting point is 01:26:02 Yeah yeah yeah Oh my gosh You never even said that Well how would you know You never asked me You think you would tell me Yeah yeah Well I don't tell you

Starting point is 01:26:09 Everyone I've had dinner with I know that But at least you would say Hey Jake Jelanon Yeah Yeah He's a great guy He's so funny

Starting point is 01:26:16 Who's your dream guest to have on your podcast on bad friends? Oh shit, dog. My dream guest? Or on your own podcast. Tiger Belly is my own podcast. Yeah. But I'm saying Tiger Valley or Bad Friends. The dream guest would be Brad Pitt.

Starting point is 01:26:34 Wow. Yeah. I just want to see what it's all about. To see it up close? And personal, yeah. Damn, bro. I want to see if it's an illusion or if it's real. Have you seen them in real life before, Brad Pitt?

Starting point is 01:26:46 I saw him one time. Yeah. Is it real? I mean, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. And I just, yeah. You tremble, probably. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:53 I was like opening a door for him and I got all scared and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He went in the building. I follow him. Yeah. I know. But when you look at him. But he moved quick.

Starting point is 01:27:01 Yeah, I know. He looks like a very quick guy. Yeah. Like one time I was, you know nothing about soccer. No, I know the World Cup's coming to the USA. Yeah, yeah. That's good. But anyway, my favorite soccer team is Arsenal FC.

Starting point is 01:27:13 Mm-hmm. When you do it, I do it. And so the soccer team has a let- Like Lee! War, good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again! Okay, so I was, I'm an Arsenal fan.

Starting point is 01:27:31 Here's the thing about you. You don't listen. You're already, here's the thing about you. You're already thinking about what you're gonna say next, like a different topic. So when I'm, I know your eyes, right? So when I'm talking, right, already think about something else. You're not really listening. Okay, my bad. Let me drop in.

Starting point is 01:27:49 You want this to be over? No, I don't. Tell me about Arsenal, dude. All right, so their legendary player is a guy named Tiri-H-A-N-R-R-R-R-Y. Tierie-H-R-R-R-Y. Yeah, how'd you know that? Because I've seen him before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People say he looks like Sully McCullough as well a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, Henri, I was at a hotel. And you met him? No. So I was in a hotel in New York. I was shooting the movie The Dictator

Starting point is 01:28:17 Right? And they put us I forgot what hotel it was And I remember me Being in the elevator And Henri Walks Did they put you on the poster Or not The Dictator?

Starting point is 01:28:25 No And I had more lines than busboys But they didn't care about you Yeah They didn't care about me Type shit You cared about me I can't believe

Starting point is 01:28:33 I didn't ask you that Anyway Henri walks in Right And And You know obviously It's like

Starting point is 01:28:41 Hey I'm a huge fan Or can I get a photo or whatever. You said that to him? No, nothing came out of my mouth. I was so in shock that he was the last person that ever thought I would dream meeting or seeing in real life,

Starting point is 01:28:59 that when he got off his floor, the words couldn't come out. No. Yeah, yeah. That's how much of a fan I was. And then when I missed my moment, I missed my moment. You know what I mean? So the other day I was at Pizzeria Bianco. right and the dude that runs that created it

Starting point is 01:29:18 I'm a big fan of he was in the restaurant no way yeah and I walked right out to him I go can I get a photo and he goes sure can so I do it every time now because I'm not fans of like you know he was in the restaurant no this guy that created Chris Pizzeria Bianca

Starting point is 01:29:36 oh he was in the restaurant it's the one of the best pizzerias in the world the creator who's it bring it up that's him right there yeah yeah Chris Bianco Yeah, Chris Bianco. Oh, I've seen him before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one downtown in L.A.

Starting point is 01:29:48 Very good pizza. I don't go down there too much, but I will. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so now when I see somebody, can you listen? Yeah, I'm back. I'm here. Okay. Now when I see somebody, like, I'm not like fans of like, oh, there's, you know what I mean, Sabrina Carbond or David Robinson.

Starting point is 01:30:07 Or so, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mitch McConnell. Like Mitch McConnell. Like, Mitch McConnellize. Yeah. I call him, you know what I call him. You know what I mean? Like, you know, so most people would be like,

Starting point is 01:30:17 I gotta get a selfie with Mitch. You know, when he's in a, he's his zone. Yeah. His pro zone. You know what I mean when he freezes up? That's my favorite part of him. Oh, he's glitching. Yeah, he's glitching.

Starting point is 01:30:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yeah. You know, yeah. You know, yeah. Did you know that? Oh, yeah. This is... Oh, damn.

Starting point is 01:30:35 Anyway, like Mitch McCallelow. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, that's his cum face, too. Bro, we're gonna go to hell for doing this. That's a real face or something? Yeah, that's a real face or something? Yeah, that's a real face, too. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:30:44 See, they're using some of these senior citizens, dude. Yeah. They're just, they're using them to just smuggle. But imagine his Chinese wife underneath them, and that's the face he uses. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, you know what I mean? You got to use that. Yeah, yeah, you got to use that.

Starting point is 01:30:57 Anyway, so with, are you fans with somebody that's weird that if you ran in them, that you'd be starstruck? I think probably Marilyn Manson probably. He's dead. Huh? Someone alive. Oh. Yeah. I can go out through history like Genghis Khan

Starting point is 01:31:15 That'd be cool Yeah yeah but yeah but Marilyn Manson's dead Yeah Is there somebody that you would like You're in an elevator Are you thinking Maryland Manson's still alive Charles Manson dead? Oh you meant Charles Manson Oh Marilyn Manson

Starting point is 01:31:28 Yeah Marilyn Manson dude Oh so I think God Oh thank God They God he didn't die Oh fuck he didn't die oh yeah no yeah I know yeah I know him You do yeah yeah yeah I know him Yeah I met we kind of where I was talking

Starting point is 01:31:42 know, like somebody that works with him for a little bit. And then, um, but, uh, yeah, I think probably him would be somebody that would be really neat. The Pope maybe. Oh, Pope Leo or the previous one? The new one. The one that's beefing with Trump online. Oh, yeah. What about the one that J.D. Vance killed?

Starting point is 01:31:57 Oh, you remember that guy? I haven't even heard about that. Yeah, yeah. Remember J.D. Vans visited him and the next day he died? Oh, yeah, yeah. So it's like, yeah. So that's why. I mean, I will say, look, JD has a strong handshake. I know.

Starting point is 01:32:10 But now this pope, wherever J. he's at, he's not there. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. Like, he was in Africa, and then J.D. was, like, in D.C. And if, if, if, if he went to Africa, the Pope would go to

Starting point is 01:32:20 Antarctica, you know what I mean? That Pope ain't fucking fucking with no, J. There's Pope on a rope, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that last one definitely was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that last one or, what about, can I just name some names? Yeah, I'm trying to think. Because, oh, people I'd be star-struck by it?

Starting point is 01:32:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that you would, like, be like, oh, fuck, I got to get a photo. Oh, Julia Robertsts, I would be star. Oh, yeah, you get a photo? I don't know if I'd ask for a photo, but I would just be Starstroke. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I'd ask for, like, I think sometimes it's better to just say, no, I'm okay without a photo.

Starting point is 01:32:49 This is what, so here's the thing, okay. That's how I feel most of the time. Yeah, right? And I saw the Sabrina Carpenter, and I saw, I went for the strokes. Right? Mm-hmm. And I got front row. So did Mitch McConnell.

Starting point is 01:33:03 Yeah. Sorry, it's a bad joke. All right, let's go on. Yeah. Oh, my God. What's doing? My poke the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:14 He does look like a turtle, dude. Does he? I mean, that part I don't even see. I just see. What did you see? A senior man that's getting, like, getting used to funnel ideas and danger through. There should be an aid.

Starting point is 01:33:26 You believe there's got to be a limit. They got to put a cap. Yeah. What's the cap? 60. 65. 65. Cap.

Starting point is 01:33:33 Yeah. After 65, you're out. You're out. Yeah. I think so, too. Because I'm 54. I'll do crazy shit. Would you ever run?

Starting point is 01:33:41 I'd run fast. Would you ever run for office? Yeah. Would you? Yeah. A congressperson or something. We need somebody. I think somebody, yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:49 But my idea is a craye, craye. I mean, I don't know. Ask me about something. I'll tell you what I would do. But here's the thing. We have the first Vietnamese house of representatives person was from Louisiana. Really? Yep.

Starting point is 01:34:04 Yeah. Look them up. Yeah. So you can differentiate between Vietnamese and Chinese and Chinese and. I wouldn't say that. But I would say that that's our boy right there. All right. Joseph Cowell.

Starting point is 01:34:17 And he's from your homeland? Yeah, that's him right there. Yeah, yeah. He's a boss, dude. He's a boss, dude. Born in Saigon. Yeah. Born in Saigon, went to Baylor.

Starting point is 01:34:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you need, we need more Asians in Congress. Yeah. And more Filipinos. If it was all Filipinos, I don't think anything bad would ever happen to the world, do you? No, dude. I think you're right. I think you're right.

Starting point is 01:34:39 That's the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they'd be a lot of... You could run on the same ticket, dude, with Jake Paul. Jake Paul has my... Yeah, but we're different parties. Would you ever, dude, because this is... This is actually something I did here.

Starting point is 01:34:51 Jake, somebody said you got offered to do WWE. Is that true? No. Are you serious? Yeah, stop pointing at me, dog. Yeah, I'm fucking serious, bro. All right. Are you serious?

Starting point is 01:35:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm serious, dude. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, yeah. But here's what happens, right? I don't get 80% of it. It goes through like a funnel to me. Because my people know what I will and will not do. For sure.

Starting point is 01:35:18 And WWE is something I probably wouldn't want to do. Really? Because I would lose. That would lose. What if we did a tag team match against Logan Paul and his brother? I would do that too. Yeah, let's challenge Logan Ball, right, and his brother. Jake.

Starting point is 01:35:34 Yeah. Tag team. We have to wear costumes, though. And the winner has to pay the others taxes. For how many years? Just one year? For one year. But you think he would win?

Starting point is 01:35:44 Fuck it. Fuck yeah. I think they're not all that. Dude. Dude, of course you would. I would tag you real quick. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:35:51 Are you would? Yeah, I'm opening. And I would tag you just keep you. Yeah, we tagging each other. Dude, that's what we stay in the corner and we keep tagging each other. Yeah. Until they get dizzy. We become a cyclone.

Starting point is 01:36:01 Yeah. Of tagging, right? And then they get all confused, right? And then we both get onto the ropes, right? And we do what? We jump off And we attack them And we attack them down

Starting point is 01:36:13 Yeah Dude we attack that way Yeah Through the air Yeah Like we did to Iran Or we get a drone To take us up

Starting point is 01:36:20 Oh right Ukrainian or Iranian Or Iranian Whatever one still has a little bit Of gas money left Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah Whatever one

Starting point is 01:36:27 Yeah yeah yeah And we take that up Yeah we'll take that up Right And we'll just glide right into them I think we could do it But would you get involved In personal policy

Starting point is 01:36:35 Like even in In local politics Like Spencer Pratt is running for mayor of L.A. Now, you know that. No, I don't know that. No, no, no, no. And, you know, and that'd be cool. I don't know if I...

Starting point is 01:36:44 You know what I do, do, do, do. What? When I do, do do do, do... I donate to Canada sometimes. To help them? Yeah. Do you ever do that? I love Canada.

Starting point is 01:36:58 Excuse me? I love Canada. Yeah. Oh, you... You give Canadian politicians money? No. I don't donate to them, but I love Canada. I think it's a great place.

Starting point is 01:37:08 Yeah, I love Argentina. What the fuck you're talking about? You have the best posture. You don't even know Argentina. Yeah, they have the best soccer players. Argentina. Aguera, Messi. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:37:17 I saw Messi play one time. With Miami? Nashville. Oh, right. But it was with the Miami team? Yeah. They played there. Dude, it was great.

Starting point is 01:37:25 I like, I would like to watch soccer more. I think I'm going to try to go to a game when it's here. Yeah. You like those things. Can I tell you something about something that made me real sad? Yeah. So when the last UFC fight that you and I were, at.

Starting point is 01:37:41 Yeah. We're all right. What kind of seats do you get? We got good seats. You did. Yes. What would you think my seats were like? I saw your seats.

Starting point is 01:37:50 They were good. Better than your? No. It depends on what you're looking for. I'm looking to get closest to the cage. Okay. Well. The cage.

Starting point is 01:38:00 I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think I want to be out there? They put you. Yeah. There is a like zone where there's a lot of like people that, um, influencers. No. Okay, what kind of people?

Starting point is 01:38:12 Or people, yeah, influence about people that are like, there's a lot of people that have, like, it's like wheelchair access. It's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's why I saw that. People that are impaired, like people that are neck braces,

Starting point is 01:38:24 back braces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People are on fluid and they, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were right there, though, along the road people, where people come out. They have other attachments to them. Yeah, you're like in the neck race section. Oxygen, water.

Starting point is 01:38:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, the Biff, They have the Biff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just an aquifer, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People that were just like, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, that's action, right?

Starting point is 01:38:48 And for a split second, I was kind of like, why am I here? You know what I mean? Probably because you were your first fight. Really? So the next time I go to a fight, because I love the sport, can I just go with you? Yeah. Will I still be in the oxygen area? I can ask, Dana, if he would allow me, if he allows me to go.

Starting point is 01:39:09 No, you're always around that. Yeah. I'm a fan of the sport. You're always around that. But it's still at his grace, you know? It's like his, it's like he picks who can go. Wait, wait, wait, wait. The people that you, your friends are bigger than me that you had around you.

Starting point is 01:39:28 Are they? What do you mean? Like a popularity-wise? No, Gianni's with me all the time. Yeah, is he more popular than me? To the, in the urban circles he is. There you are right there. This is at the oxygen area.

Starting point is 01:39:38 You're having a good time? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was having a spasm, dude. Bro, look how close. I've never gotten to sit where you sat here. That's amazing, bro. To cheer people when they come out.

Starting point is 01:39:49 Yeah, but then you put your hand out? They never slap my hand. Bro. Yeah, yeah. That guy's a beast, dude. And then what's that guy, Nick? Ataba Gautier. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:57 Is he not gonna six fight win street? Yeah, all first round knocked out. I like Goket. Yeah. And, dude, you got to see Rose Namajunis when she came out. Okay. Is that how you said her last time? You're not a Eunice.

Starting point is 01:40:06 Nami Eunus? Yeah, yeah. Dude, Doug Rosebro, just to see that, yeah. You're right. I've sat in a lot of different places. I haven't always got to sit up close, but it has been fun when I got to. Yeah. But yeah.

Starting point is 01:40:17 Next time you sit up close, because I've never been there. I'm going to just go with you. Yes, please. I'm going in July. If I am able to sit up close, then I would love you to go. And just ask Dana, like my friend, you know what I mean? I'm going to send him up JPEG of you. Straight up, I'll say you used to fight.

Starting point is 01:40:35 Just say that's the real thing. You did used to fight. No, no. Say, I'm your friend. I'll say it's my friend. Yeah, I'm up. He's a, you know, a big podcaster. You're right, yeah, yeah, I'm not going to lie to him.

Starting point is 01:40:44 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then why would you lie just now? You're right. No, what do you mean? I'm right. You are. Why do you lie? I'm not lying, dude.

Starting point is 01:40:51 I was thinking about lying. Okay. Anyway. And I said I'm not. So what did you think of today's podcast? I thought it was good, let's do a regroup. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:41:01 Okay, let's go through some stuff. For one, yeah, I do feel, for one, I'm happy to get to see you. Oh, I do want to say also, Brittany Schmidt's dog passed away. So, I think we can just say So sorry Brittany, we love you And the dog's name was Biggie Yeah, yeah, yeah

Starting point is 01:41:18 And that He's in a better place My dog Remy passed away A month and a half ago Oh Did you have I did that That was great

Starting point is 01:41:28 What? Did you have to have someone Come over and help put it down My friend just had to have that My friend Tim, remember Basil Who you always fight with at the casino? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Where is he?

Starting point is 01:41:36 Huh? He's the one that's trying to shit With me on fucking line, dude Dude, he just texted me earlier today He just texted me today. This is what he said. Can I tell you what your business? Is this him?

Starting point is 01:41:45 Yeah. Hold on. This piece of shit. Dude. I'm not even joking the text. He said. He goes, tell that motherfucker to wash his ass.

Starting point is 01:41:52 That's what he said. This is what he said. What are the odds of that? He goes, bro, you're trying to beef with me saying I invite this shit? Don't come into the studio here today trying to start beef or you're going to get God. Type shit. Where is that guy?

Starting point is 01:42:06 Huh? I want to get God. I want to see what that means. He's in. You know, because I'm going to tell you this right now, dude. He's pusified. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:42:13 I'll destroy him. Okay. He's strong, right? But I have ways. I'll go nom, dude. I think you could. I'll build a tunnel and a pathway. Oh, so it's okay for you to go nom and just completely...

Starting point is 01:42:25 Yeah, we can do it. Be a culture vulture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can be a culture vulture. I'll go nom. My stepfather can't walk back in. He's a white. He's a confused white. No.

Starting point is 01:42:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a difference between being Asian, right? And being confused white, guy? Yeah, you're right. You're right? I'm just trying to be philosophical guy. I know there is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:42:45 It just breaks my heart. Yeah, what? It breaks my heart that we can't like, you know, get closer and with that divide, dude. I know. We're going to do it better. Next time we'll do it better, dude. Yeah, I think this is one of those. Go ahead.

Starting point is 01:42:57 I think this is one of those times where it's like, yeah, we kind of hit a spot where it's like, okay, yeah, sometimes I do feel pressure. Like if we're, if like, yeah, it's like you get, you get clips that are viral and like you do see that. You can't even not see it. And it's like, and then like people every time, you know, you'll be somewhere like there's a video somewhere there's a funeral and the guy's yelling booby at it you know like it's like what can you do but it's like yeah you do feel some

Starting point is 01:43:19 pressure and it's not and that that's why i've been avoiding it but that what i'm saying right but those moments aren't like it's not fair to it's not fair for me to bring in it like i i i thought about that before you came i thought about yeah great listening i thought about that before you came and i said god like let's let me just have it this is so stupid that we're even thinking about this. But let me just have a nice conversation with my friend. And let me have a new experience. Yeah. And I felt the same way driving here. Like, I've been avoiding doing it

Starting point is 01:43:48 with you because there's just so much pressure on it. You know what I mean? But we had so much fun when I came into bed, friends. Yeah. How great was that? That was great. You know what I mean? But we might have not gotten anything today. Well, it took me 600 episodes even invited over there. If you go on, I really want to look

Starting point is 01:44:04 at the calendar. But I don't know you guys are busy. No, no, no. No, look at me right now, dude. that's tragic I'll tell you this we're not a guest-driven show we've had maybe 10 guests in our whole whatever the run oh I didn't know that yeah yeah

Starting point is 01:44:22 we've had Jack Black Shia you know I mean we get the biggest people we can get to do the guests what's that tall orange man who plays basketball women young no no what's that tall orange man that plays basketball Blake Griffin

Starting point is 01:44:38 oh yeah he's a tall orange you know I mean oh yeah yeah yeah Yeah. Vitamin C, they call them. Yeah, the vitamin C, we got. When we got vitamins, we got it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:44:47 And we were lucky to have you. But it's like, it's not a personal thing. No, I don't feel it. It's a scheduling thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so let me ask the boys in the booth. What did you think of today's episode?

Starting point is 01:45:01 There are great moments. And I just think you guys talk so naturally funny to each other. You don't realize there's going to be some viral moment from this that we don't know. That's the good point. So you know what? Don't live in the results. We did it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:45:14 I think there are some things in there. You know what I mean? We had a good time. There isn't. Fuck it. I just want to have a good time with my friend. Yeah. And I had a good time at times.

Starting point is 01:45:22 And that is true. Yeah. Yeah. I think that sometimes you're confused, but that's what I like about you. Yeah. I mean, you don't know what you're talking about. Well, but I'm trying to learn, man.

Starting point is 01:45:31 And you're a learner, dude. Sometimes you help me. Sometimes you don't. And I could say that's the same about you. And I cannot believe that David Spade put you on that movie poster. I think you did that He said that you did that No, he did not

Starting point is 01:45:44 Yeah, you did I would never do that Yeah, you would I don't even know how to do You know what I excited I went out of Photoshop I went out of Photoshop Not your people

Starting point is 01:45:51 These guys know how And I went to Spade No just listen Listen I went to spade And I go Dude it's kind of fucking weird I have like two lines

Starting point is 01:46:00 In this movie And you put me in the center Of this poster And he goes Really? Fuck Theo That's what he said Dude

Starting point is 01:46:06 That's what he said We should call him Yeah I don't think he'll answer He's probably busy eating dinner or something Because he has so much money Oh sushi probably It's always sushi with him

Starting point is 01:46:21 Have you noticed that? Yeah Yeah It is With a lot of you guys Let's see what he says That's a nice picture of this Let me call him

Starting point is 01:46:40 Okay Are you guys calling me together No What are you talking about? No Theo just called me Yeah But you know what I love

Starting point is 01:46:55 You picked up for me And not him I knew it Yeah Yeah yeah yeah I love the fact that you picked up for me And you didn't pick up for Theo No I love Theo

Starting point is 01:47:05 But I'm at dinner Yeah but why would you pick up for me Because I knew you were in cahoots I go we got a situation Yeah yeah Well just real quick We want to clear something up right Yeah

Starting point is 01:47:16 All right so when I said to you You know what I mean Why am I in the center of this poster I only had three lines And you said Oh fucking Theo So Theo did it Yeah Theo did it

Starting point is 01:47:25 I don't think, I don't think Theo knew about it. I think it was, they just somebody made it and they were exploiting you guys. Oh. They put me on it too. You're the star of the movie. Who cares, Bobby? Oh, you're right. Dave, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:47:41 Are you eating Asian food? I invite myself. Oh, you should feel like. I'm eating Asian food, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it. So I love you, dude. No one's to blame. Thank you for putting me in the movie.

Starting point is 01:47:49 I love you, okay? Yeah, and tell the waiter we're sorry for everything. Okay. I love you. Bye. It couldn't have been me because I don't even have Photoshop. Okay. It was somebody, though, for sure.

Starting point is 01:48:04 But did I guess that he was eating Asian food? But no, I do feel bad that I didn't ask. I should have asked specifically. I don't care, dude. Dude, it's... Well, I should have asked. I really think about it. Bro, bro, bro, bro.

Starting point is 01:48:12 I think you would feel like... Bro, bro, bro. I'm so grateful that you asked me to do something that you've been working on. I mean, what a blessing that is. You know, I just did an episode of a show, of a friend. I can't say it, but,

Starting point is 01:48:33 and he asked, and I did it, you know what I mean? And, you know, I knew who it was, Peyton Manning. Okay. And.

Starting point is 01:48:41 Was it? He has a new show. You have a new show. Yeah, the bad show. And you didn't even tell me about it. Yeah, the bad show, a game show. And then also my Hulu special comes out

Starting point is 01:48:51 in November, my first special. Finally. Finally. Yeah. And go check that out. But what took so long, to be honest,

Starting point is 01:48:58 when you really think about it? Was there a real reason that it did take you a while? Did you, like, not like doing specials? Did you think it was, like, not what it's about? Like, really, really. Well, it's so funny, ask yourself why I wouldn't do it. Why wouldn't he do it?

Starting point is 01:49:12 Because he didn't like to try it. He doesn't, oh, no? Yeah, because I've been doing the same act, you know what I mean? I slowly add jokes. It was just no hurry, really, you know what I mean? And they got to the point it was like, I was on stage and I was like, I couldn't hear it anymore.

Starting point is 01:49:30 Like, I don't care if it gets. it's a laugh. Like I just got to evolve. And so I penned a deal. I go, I'm going to get all this out there. It's going to force me to write new shit. You pinned a deal or you fucking Thomas Jefferson? Yeah, yeah, dude. I pinned a deal, dude. Like the Constitution. Thanks, my bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did it and it went pretty good. And I'm gonna, when it comes out, I'm already writing away new shit. Let's go. Let's go. And I'm gonna, um, the next hour will be better. I think I'm evolving. I really do.

Starting point is 01:50:01 I feel you do. And so that's why it took me so long. It was never, like, here's the thing about me. I don't know why, but, you know, I was a club guy. What I mean by that, I did comedy clubs. And I always sold out even before podcast, I would do well. So in my mind, that was like no hurry. I never thought about theaters or coliseums or anything like that.

Starting point is 01:50:24 But I made a living, you know, playing. I mean, the yuck yucks or whatever, right? Oh, yeah, there's so many great clubs. Yeah, so whatever. And now it's like it's getting bigger, the audience, and I want to grow with my brand, and I want to expand, so that's what I'm doing. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:42 That's cool, man. Hey, man. Yeah, dude, it's kind of crazy. It's like, evolving's kind of scary. It's all kind of spooky sometimes, like growing up, you know? Does it make sense, kind of? You're going to live on the edge of your conference zone. Fuck yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:55 That's how you grow. That's how great men make it. take risks and go through the fire. And I've always been afraid of that. And I think, like we talked about earlier, silence, you know what I mean? That's all okay. That was almost great. But you know what is great, dude?

Starting point is 01:51:20 Yeah. Really good to be here. Anytime I get to spend time with you, I feel lucky. And your new show starts when? When does it start so people can watch it? The bad game show will start in probably September, October. Where's it going to be? YouTube.

Starting point is 01:51:33 Let's go. Yeah. And there's the deadline. All things coming on the bad game show. Dude, you guys look great. Yeah, yeah. Holy friend. And we have guests on, and two guests compete against each other in games we developed.

Starting point is 01:51:46 Dude, put me on the poster. You said no to the game show. Did I really? Yeah, you did. But you know what? Put me on the poster anyway. Yeah, I did. And I'll share that bitch.

Starting point is 01:51:56 All right, dude. I love you and thank you for being somebody that. He just texted me. He just texted me again, Spade. He facetimed me. Let's see what he says because he might be on some bullshit. Dude, he was in freaking Dickie Roberts. I know, dude.

Starting point is 01:52:15 You seen this laser puts a little cock on your shirt. Okay. Oh, that's the tits. Like, I'm just going to hang up. No, wait one more time. He's getting older. Yeah, so did you face-time me? I tried to.

Starting point is 01:52:32 Yeah, here's the. What's up, dude? I was trying to save Theo. and like get him out of that interview. There was no controversy. He texted me the fucking password and I was like, oh, that means save him. Yeah, dude, I did.

Starting point is 01:52:52 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, thank you so much for that information. I'll see you soon. I love you. I'm going to hang up the phone, okay? All right. I love you, bud.

Starting point is 01:53:04 No, no, no, no, I love you. I love you, bud. All right, so. You did. Did I? To be continued. To be continued.

This Past Weekend - #657 - Bobby Lee

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