This Past Weekend - #659 - Ari Matti

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Starting point is 00:00:33 on the site. It's our be good to yourself tease. And we got them now. We redid them in a scribble style that I think is, uh, I don't know, I like it. It's a, it's fresh. It's something new. I think that you'll like it as well. If you want to go check that out, you can. Um, those, it's new colorways of them as well and, and everything. We got it all at Theo von store.com. And, uh, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, uh, this episode is kind of, it's a a little more of a raunchyish conversation, more raunchier. And it's great. But it was deemed 18 and over by some platforms. I just want to let you know that in case you're riding in the car with your kids or something like that. I hope everybody's having a great day. Enjoy the episode.

Starting point is 00:01:21 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. Some people call him the Estonian assassin because he's from a country called Estonia. You may have seen him on Kill Tony. He's touring all over. the country right now. I'm grateful to spend time with Mr. Ari Matty. You guys don't do headphones, do you? I don't care about it, do you? No, I don't know. Joe does it. You did Rogans. If it's like, if the other guy has it, then I got it.

Starting point is 00:02:04 The headphones? Yeah. Yeah, if one guy's wearing it. It's like being, yeah, it's like being in a threesome and you're the guy that doesn't put on, and the other guy puts a condom on it. It's true. You know what I'm saying? Like if at that point, you're like, oh, okay. Then yeah, you know.

Starting point is 00:02:18 It's kind of like I feel like that sort of energy, dude. Yeah. Ari Maddie, good to see you, bro. Good to see you, feel. Thank you, bro. Fuck, yeah, let's get it, dude. Good to see you, my friend. Good to see you, man, yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:30 How was your week in Nashville? You were just performing here this week. What was it like? Did you get out to Broadway? What was some of your take of the place? I've been to Broadway the past times. I've been to Nashville. It's basically, we have, it's very similar to Austin, you know?

Starting point is 00:02:43 But, yeah, I did just say this time. It was awesome. I didn't really go to Broadway. I stayed. I stayed away for that. But you've seen it before, right? I mean, it's a spectacle for sure. It's for sure a spectacle to watch people.

Starting point is 00:02:55 Last time I was on Broadway, I stepped into a puddle that, you know, when you don't know the depth of a puddle. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like almost up to my knee. I like fell into a, I fell into the sea. And then I had to continue my night with a wet foot. And when you're 34 years old and you get a little like air conditioning with a wet foot, I know I'm going to get sick.

Starting point is 00:03:16 Oh, yeah. And then I was sick for two weeks. Oh yeah, and that's some real, I mean, you'll see a puddle out there and you'll see a damn, somebody fish and then, you know, people. When I was 19, I could jump into a fucking fountain and then get out and just party on, no issue. Now, if my toe is wet, it's going to be a big, I could die. I could get pneumonia and fucking die, dude. It is, bro.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Shit, when you're, oh, it's crazy. Yeah. I literally, like, I had one of my first, one of these that I slipped and I fell. and I thought it's over. Like the pain that went through my lower back, my ass, I literally thought it's broken, like call the hospital. When I was 17, I was not 17, I was like 15,

Starting point is 00:03:59 I had a skateboard and I held on to the back of a bus, you know, like for a ride. Like you're back to the future type of thing. Yeah, like in Tony Hawk Pro Skater, you know. Yes. And then in typical bus driver form, he sped up trying to lose me and kill me. And I went like face first into a payment wall.

Starting point is 00:04:19 And nothing happened. You just stand up. Now a badly time sidewalk could kill me. Bro, I'm such a bitch. It's crazy. I literally got out of bed too fast like a year ago. And my hip pot. Dude, I can still feel it.

Starting point is 00:04:36 When it's cold, I still feel it. Yeah, brother, I feel you. And some of that stuff is just, and you don't know how to explain it to people. And you don't want to explain it because it just weakens you. It's like, weakens. If the part of you that breaks all the time hears you speak about it, you can...

Starting point is 00:04:49 It's not good. It's not because... And I never address it. No. Yeah, I've just been with a blown up hip. And in a cold morning, that hurts like a... Oh, brother, it's the littlest things you don't even realize. It's like when I was younger, I would just jump in the air.

Starting point is 00:05:05 Now I have to go down a little, look up. Yeah. And then jump. If you want me to jump on something, give me 50 minutes. I need rubber bands. I need exercise. I need to warm up. It's crazy, dude, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:19 Yeah, I need to interview a flat earther. I need to have... And then, you know, when you watch, like... You know when you watch, like, video... Have you seen these cranium videos now? No, what is? It's like a thing where they're like... It's like a guy he, like, goes into your mouth

Starting point is 00:05:32 and he, like, releases childhood drama and then people cry on a table. And I'm like, am I... Do I need to get my cranium released? What is it called? Can you bring this up? I have insane. Cranium release.

Starting point is 00:05:45 Cranial face. That's like all my feet right now. This is cranial facial, facial release and cranial, cranial sat. I saw one video, it was a black guy. They released his cranial. He became white. It's crazy. Like everything in your life can be released with the cradial.

Starting point is 00:06:01 There's a lot of trauma, dude, in the culture. There's a lot of trauma in the culture. Bro, that's crazy. They release you when you're fucking a woman, like tits just pop out of you or something. Yeah, you get a bigger cock. You grow taller. You grow taller.

Starting point is 00:06:14 Yeah, it's funny when you find out stuff. that it's like... I haven't seen this, bring this up. I just want to... It's huge. And who's doing it? It's probably a mid... Is it a Middle Eastern or trying to do it to somebody?

Starting point is 00:06:24 See, yeah, yeah. It's... What I'm saying? What the f***. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, they put like a balloon up your nose and it comes out of your mouth. It's all crazy.

Starting point is 00:06:34 And it's part of the Harlem Globetrotters? What is it? Oh, yeah, this is so fun. Bro, first of all, go back 10 seconds. Just seeing a Middle Eastern guy with a skull. with a skull. Yeah. It's just, it's too much.

Starting point is 00:06:47 I know, I know, I know, I know. What the fuck. And now this lady's straight. She was a lesbian before and now she's straight. Everything in your life can be fixed by cranial. Oh, God. Yeah, it's always like this. It's kind of like a tightly, it's like a Persian and like fitted figs or whatever.

Starting point is 00:07:04 And they're just explaining to you like how it will save you. And what do they do? They put it in. Is there another video? Yeah, I see this guy. He puts a fucking thumb in his mouth and he sucks on it. Oh, well, then he, that's trauma, then he needs the cranial. Look at this guy.

Starting point is 00:07:19 Oh, I've seen this. I know, I know, this is the thing. Cranial for my cranial sacral and nervous system reset, you can reset it. This guy's just blowing. No, no, I think it's pushing, like on the... Okay, I went too deep. Are you, you feel better?

Starting point is 00:07:42 Oh, I feel like calling somebody a faggot. But not me, though. Not me. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't think this is good for me. There's always like new trends where you find out that this is what's wrong with your life that you haven't had. Your cranial is all fucked up. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:57 Okay, here we got a guy. They got a honky laid out here. So three different openings in each side of the nose. So we're going to be a little cold. It's going to be a little weird. I feel a little weird. No shit is a little weird. He'll blow it up.

Starting point is 00:08:10 It really swells up your brain. This is crazy. I don't like any doctor that just has three diplomas and a word. A word of mouth, you know. Okay. A word of snout. Yeah, dude. A word of snout.

Starting point is 00:08:22 This guy is fucking... You can't see it home. They've just put a balloon into this guy's head and then they... Blew it up. ... blew it up with air. He just blew up. Did you hear that? And now he's smiling.

Starting point is 00:08:34 Now he's straight. There you go, dude. Well, they had that prey in the gay out of children. Remember, that was a big thing. Not for us, but big in America. In America. Pray to gay away. to get away. Yeah. And it's always the gayest guy telling you to pray. And it's funny that they

Starting point is 00:08:51 send you to a camp filled with 40 dudes and deep in the woods with no contact to the outside world. Seems like a great place. They even tell you, even God shut his eyes for this one. Don't worry. The next two weeks, we are free in the river, brother. Free at last, brother. Well, gays, you know, I grew up around it. Have you ever seen a rest area in America? Like a pit, like a rest stop? Yes. That's where you suck, suck, suck, suck. It was a big thing. And they shut it down for a they started putting like glyphosate in the backyard there and stuff like that. They tried to shut it down. You don't stop gay people from fucking, dude.

Starting point is 00:09:26 I'm like, it'll kill weeds, but it's not, you know what I'm saying? It's not stopping, you know, it's not stopping some of these sexual trends. But they had a lot of gays in our area. They would meet up behind there. For sure. And they would, they had a river back there and they'd get out, they do drugs and get out in the river and hug and everything. Gay people love the fucking abush. Like it's, it's like, why?

Starting point is 00:09:48 I don't know yet. It's like, get a hotel. It's okay now. But it's like when I went to, I used to live in Vancouver. When I moved there, literally first night when I moved there, I went for a walk in Stanley Park.

Starting point is 00:10:00 It's the local park next to the city. Oh, I've been there's beautiful. Oh! Oh! Goes along the water. It's literally like you become a werewolf there. It's like so nice and quiet. First time I was there,

Starting point is 00:10:14 I got a lot. high, I was deep in the woods, thinking on my own things, and it's like so quiet and serene. And then I'm like, I'm like, I take my shirt off. It's like sunny. I get some sun. I get a little tan going. I do a little push-ups, a little shadow boxing. I'm alone in the woods.

Starting point is 00:10:30 Okay, of course. It was natural, yeah. It was natural. You do a little push-ups? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a deleted scene from the Bible, I feel like, but let's hear more. I want to hear more about it. Deleted scene from the Bible.

Starting point is 00:10:41 They should, bro. If you and me made deleted scenes from the Bible? Now, that's funny. Deleted scenes from the Bible is a funny concept. Anyway, I interrupt the ego. I'm doing a little push-ups. I'm getting a little glisten going. Then I see a guy, like, walking past.

Starting point is 00:10:57 And it's, when guy's trying to fuck, it's a look they have. It's just the way they move. It's, like, he's walking one way, but he's looking at me like this. He's got his sunglasses on, but he's peeking over the sunglasses, right? Right. So everything he's doing, he's doing something separate. Like, he's walking one way, but looking another way.

Starting point is 00:11:16 He's got sunglasses on, but he's got him down and looking over. So he's establishing contact. First contact. Yes, sir. Yes, he is. He keeps walking. I keep boxing. Not you're boxing harder.

Starting point is 00:11:29 Yeah, I'm trying to be like, look at this shit. You don't want none of this. And then five minutes go back. He comes out of another bush. Like I hear, like a crack. And I'm like, now he's closer. So now I take my music out because I need all my senses. This is, this might be an ambush.

Starting point is 00:11:47 There might be several of them. This is like a room of mirrors. Which is the real guy trying to fuck me, dude. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, so we need all my senses. That'd be a cool game show. So I'm not trying to get sober. I like, throw some water on my face.

Starting point is 00:11:59 I need to be shark. I put my backpack on. I'm about to, I'm about to. I have to fuck my way out of the forest. You fix your hip really quick. Oh, yeah. I start warming up. So then he comes to, hey man.

Starting point is 00:12:11 And I try to give him a hey man, but not a, hey man, Not a friendly one. I give him a, hey man, like a little. Right. Like, what are we doing here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, man.

Starting point is 00:12:22 Hey, man. He goes, you want a beer? I go, nah, I don't want a beer. Yeah. Then I realized, oh, oh, he's out here. And then he disappears. I change location. Different guy.

Starting point is 00:12:38 Like another one. Backpack. He's looking like he's been in the woods for days looking for dick. Wow. And this new guy. Like, where's Dick, though? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:49 Like, kind of like where's Waldo, but a little different. Like, where's Dick, though? And he walks past, same look. Just the full eye contact. And now I see there's a cock hanging from, he's got it out. He's got it out. Maybe he heard. Yeah, maybe, like, down at the base.

Starting point is 00:13:07 Like, that was the messenger. We got one. Yeah, yeah. And it's kind of a me. I mean, I'm a little like a game. superhero. I know, it's kind of on me, by the way. Yeah, you're like a piece of bait in the woods. You've set your shadow boxing, which shadow boxing is, but here's what it gives, I think. It gives this idea, oh, I wish somebody

Starting point is 00:13:25 else were here with me. Exactly. Oh, the shadow. I need someone to be the shadow. Right. So then the guy just paints himself black and it starts less like laying connected to your feet. Then I see his cock. Now I'm kind of a... Oh my God. By the way, you know what I was offended? both those guys looked like absolute ass, like 50 years old, I'm a beautiful angel. I'm like 26 years old at my prime. I'm doing shadow boxing. Even if I fuck you, the others would never believe you.

Starting point is 00:13:54 I would be like a myth that they talk about in the gay circle for years. There's this blue-eyed. If you stay in Stanley Park long enough, an angel will appear. So. God, dang. And I'm like, and it's funny, it's my first time being like, kind of like sexually assaulted, I would say.

Starting point is 00:14:14 And it's funny, it kind of put things into perspective for me as well, how like, it's not, tell it. It's not that I can't beat the fuck out of you. I'm not in, I don't feel it threatened like a woman with a bigger man would in that situation. Right. But the fact you're like showing me your cock makes me feel like a bitch. You know, it's like... Let me think about it for a second.

Starting point is 00:14:41 Like, if I've ever seen somebody's cock, like, how did I feel about it? And he was, like, shaking. He was, like, giving you a little shake. And, like, looking straight into my eyes, just giving you a little shake. Oh, I didn't know all that. That's a lot.

Starting point is 00:14:53 That's, like, almost... Come on, boy. Okay. It's like, wow, you know? That's like, like a dog treat or something. I know. So that I could understand. You feel like, like, oh, like you're being summoned or something, maybe?

Starting point is 00:15:07 And the cock, the cock, cock he had, it looked like it's been through a hole. Like, I don't know, his last partner was a train or like heavy. His last partner was a long winter. That's pretty wild, brother. So he keeps, and I literally don't know what to say. I act like it's none of my biz. What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:15:27 How do you act like someone's cock isn't in your business? I know how you do because that's what we do all the time. It's us in the woods. I don't even, I'm never, so I keep walking, like fast and I look over. Now I'm getting like nervous. They're circling me. Who are they? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:15:42 Are you sure? I'm alone. There's no reception. I'm in Stanley Park. The woods are high. The sun doesn't even... The trees are so high. The sun is in a rich.

Starting point is 00:15:50 We're down in the... Even if I yell, help. It's over. And now is this palanteer doing this? Like, who do you think is doing this? This is an organization. And I'm high. I try to find my way out.

Starting point is 00:16:05 And I just... Oh my God. I stumbled on this. tree stump, you know, like a tree stump. Oh, yeah, for sure, I've seen them. 80 to a 160 amount of condoms, like on the floor, just less mass of used up condoms. Oh, like the wailing wall or whatever?

Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah, exactly. Maybe this is the stump, you know, Jews kissed the rock or whatever. It's like gay Jews. This is their stump. Where they hump the stump kind of or something. And I'm trying to find a trail the way out. Just before I get to the trail, after the stump, My heart is racing.

Starting point is 00:16:40 I'm now like, what the fuck is happening? Like, how did I find this deep in the wood? And then I see in the bush the two guys, the one guy with the glasses, the beer guy, and then the other guy with the cock. The waiter guy. I see them in the distance. Mm-mm.

Starting point is 00:16:58 Blah, blah, blah, blah. Boa, bha. Doing what, blowjobbing? I wish those was our job. This wasn't a job. This was holding hair. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:17:09 Like Dick's slavery or whatever? Dick's... This was slavery. Bah, bra, bah. God, brother. And the guy banging the other guy's mouth, he, like, makes eye contact. The chef, they call that guy. Yes, the chef.

Starting point is 00:17:27 Okay. And he's cooking up on me. Oh. Oh, ma. Okay, it's just a... Okay, keep going. Sorry, some of the sounds are making some... I don't want the neighbor's knocking.

Starting point is 00:17:37 Because you know, it's like... No, but go on. And he makes eye contact. with me. Why do they keep doing that? I know it's crazy. He's like, you want something? Ah! So I turn around, I find a road, and then I see like another guy on the trail, and I'm already giving him a weird, like, stay away from him. Then I realized, and then I saw his family. It's just a German guy looking for. And I wanted to tell him like, oh, uh, I'm truly going

Starting point is 00:17:59 nine. Don't go there. Yeah, yeah. And then I get out of the woods. And then I, then, of course, immediately I'm going, Reddit and Facebook groups, that's the suck and fuck stump. I was literally like, have you seen The Grey with Liam Liam Neeson? Have you seen the grey? The Grey? Remember where he fights the wolves? I haven't seen it. I've seen the advertisement for it, but I didn't fall for it yet, but I will see it. It's like a movie where he fights wolves because they keep attacking him

Starting point is 00:18:24 and then at the end of the movie you find out the whole time he's been trying to escape the wolves. See, this is me with the gay guy. Look, look, look, look, this is me with the gay man. God. Yeah, he's trying to escape the wolves, but then at the end of the movie, he goes to the nest of the wolves, which they're most protected. That's how I felt. Like you were in the swarm

Starting point is 00:18:41 It's almost like you had somehow found your way Through the honeycomb to the Queen Bee Yeah And then for a year if I did stand up I always talked about that experience And whenever I said First time I came to Vancouver I went to Stanley Park

Starting point is 00:18:52 And everyone already laughs Because they know it's a suck and fuck push And it's called Stanley Park Well it's crazy because they have one In Pittsburgh called Shinley Park And they fuck there too And there was there used to be rumors of like different quarterbacks

Starting point is 00:19:06 For the uh Steelers going up there and doing mail-on-male sexual. And then they had... But bring up... Yeah, can we get a Reddit or like a Google review? Let's go to Google Review of Stanley or Park and just go down that for you,

Starting point is 00:19:21 privately and see if you get any... If people are reporting, you know, kind of gay activities over there. Reporting gay activities. Well, it used to be like... And I'm sorry you went through that. And when I was a kid, across that river, so where the rest area was,

Starting point is 00:19:38 across from that, they had a lot of men, like, kind of straight men or people that worked in, like, like, semi-straight, people that worked like in mechanics, you know, mechanics assistant or construction or something. They would, they had one of those, like those slingshot things,

Starting point is 00:19:54 the big ones, and they would shoot potatoes because I grew up on the other side of the river across from the rest area. Okay. So we'd get out there and we're kids with binoculars and watch like the guys do dope and then hug in the water. And hug in the water. Yeah. I mean, it really was like a deleted team from the Bible.

Starting point is 00:20:08 Dude, that's another one we have now. So it was like, but some of the adult men would fire a potato. If they got too close, they'd fire a tot over at them to get them to separate, you know? So it's like this crazy shit that went on. But I think it is interesting when you get around the woods and when you get back to nature, like how sexuality is really close right there. For sure, yeah. And it's also like, there's for sure the thrill of like, like I have a gay friend of my

Starting point is 00:20:36 He's like older and he says, they, he says, oh, yeah, there's all kinds of underground sucking fuck clubs and they fuck in the bush. Oh, my. It's because, you know, men want to be a little perverted, but we have to, when we bang women, we have to, they're angels, you know, so we have to like. That's a good point. But if there's two guys, we want to make it. Oh, yeah, it's like, I want to throw you halfway through a window.

Starting point is 00:20:59 I want to fuck your mouth in a bush, you know. That's what I want to do. And guess what? he wants to do that too. Oh my God. Yeah. Here's a note. Somebody right here said,

Starting point is 00:21:11 I masturbate in Stanley Park and I'm sorry. Anyone who stumbled into me doing that, but I don't do it in front of people. I am not a sex offender. So this is somebody just clear in the air. Do you see how rough that note looked? Holy shit, dude.

Starting point is 00:21:27 Yeah. It says historically, Stanen Park has served as a gay cruising location with secluded trails near the Lost Lagoon and Forest areas. have been in the Lost Lagoon, my brother. I know. I was very lost. But I could see this also. You were in the park for a couple days and it could change your sexuality. Do you feel like something like that could happen? Like nature's just such a ground where something different

Starting point is 00:21:47 can happen. The woods is always like a mysterious place. Mysterious, mysterious place. Like even when you were a kid and you would go there, it was just like, you know what I'm saying, that's where like anything, there were monsters. Porn was in the bush. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was like. I smoked my first cigarette in the bush. It all happened in there. A piece of alcohol in the bush. It's always like there's a tree house. First kisses. There's people living in.

Starting point is 00:22:10 Some guy's just living there and you're like... Just guy, yeah, living in the woods. Yeah, there's just a lot that happens there. And I think there always has been. It's a very mysterious place. And I think gay people used to not be able to just be gay. Exactly. So that's the, that's like, I guess it's like a call.

Starting point is 00:22:26 It's like a throwback to them of like when times were not simpler, but different. More exhilarating, I guess. Oh, for sure, dude. I think being gay now would seem very... I mean, it's boring now. I agree. If my neighbor says he's gay, I'm like, yeah, I'm straight. I'm tall.

Starting point is 00:22:43 Yeah, who gives a fuck? Yeah, you're, yeah, yeah, I were an 11, you know? I was like, I'm from, like, oh, my God, like, that friend I was talking about who I asked all these gay questions. I have, like, one gay confidant. Okay. I ask him all kinds of gay stuff. Here in the U.S.? No, he's Estonian, and he doesn't get offended.

Starting point is 00:22:58 I can ask him whatever I want. Okay, and you're from Estonia. I want to ask you about that. I want to get into that. but before you go on. He's like in his 50s, you know? Okay, so he's an adult. He's a fully active.

Starting point is 00:23:08 So he grew up, like, if you grow up gay in San Francisco, how hard is it to come out of the closet in Sun? Their parents are probably, you probably get a benefit. You know, you probably get a, yeah. You get a group, you have a support group. You have all these friends. Your parents are happy. Yeah, you get like a special metalog in or something.

Starting point is 00:23:26 Yeah, you start stand up. You get a Netflix deal within a year. In a year. You get a podcast. That is true, dude. I know. You get a podcast. given to you and suddenly you're on the charts no matter what?

Starting point is 00:23:36 Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, who was the famous transition, uh, the, the, the athlete who went, uh, now she, it's a she. Pre fontaine or whatever. Yeah, no, no, no, it's the famous family. Caitlin Jenner. Caitlin Jenner. Yes, Caitlin Jenner. So for her, multi-millionaire coming out of the closet immediately on Forbes or Times Magazine,

Starting point is 00:23:56 the Women of the Year, it's like a, for her transitioning, I mean, transitioning for a millionaire in Hollywood, how hard can it be? Now imagine being gay during like the Soviet Union. You have to suck cock in the shadows like a secret angel. Yeah, yeah, dude. Now that's exhilarating. Double-O slurping, dude, that's got to be crazy. Like gay in San Francisco is one thing.

Starting point is 00:24:20 That's nothing. A homosexual in the 80s Soviet Union in 1980s. Now that's, he sucked dick risking his life. Now he loves cock. I don't know if he loves, he either loves cock or he likes mysteries that end in cock. You know what I'm saying? Dude, dude, imagine that, bro.

Starting point is 00:24:42 Like, imagine first of all, you find out your gay. Because I don't even know how people find out. Like, I don't know if you get like a thing in the mail or whatever. Because it's like some people I think would never even know. Like if you're like, maybe if you're uneducated, you think you just like watching your buddies, you know, trying to peek. I mean, I don't even know what some people think. But yes, dude, a long time ago. go and you're like, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:25:05 And you cannot let anybody know. Nobody. And then imagine. Imagine what? You've been, you've been like in the closet, closet, closet. This is in the closet and this is a bank vault. Yes, you're very deep in the closet. You're in the hamper.

Starting point is 00:25:18 And he told me, he told me. I was like, so when did you? And he's like, man, I always knew it. But I hid it so deep in me. You know, and he was like drug addict, drinking. He was even like, he told me when he was young, he was kind of violent against women. Because you know, you hate yourself,

Starting point is 00:25:34 and when you hate yourself, you hate the world around you, you know. He probably didn't even know it either. No, he said he knew, but he never explored it. And then he said he was like, what happened? Maybe like 25 or something. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:49 I think it was something like that. He goes to a party in Finland. Finland is a ferry ride right across from Estonia, and it's not the Soviet Union, so it's a bit more, you know. And also nobody knows you. there. Oh, it's a bit more kind of like a Nouveau Rich or risque.

Starting point is 00:26:07 And he was in a nightclub. And he took a ferry there. So even a ferry ride, that will stimulate the ocean. Yeah, the ocean within. And you're abroad. Nobody knows me here. And he said he was in like a bar and he said a guy

Starting point is 00:26:22 looked at him in a way that no one has ever looked at him. And he knows that look. And they just suck and fuck for like three days in a hotel, Oh my God, I thought the story was going to be a little. I thought it was like going to be a bigger moment between that part. They just went to the hotel and that's,

Starting point is 00:26:37 and that was his first like experience. No. You know, and he talks to this guy and this guy's, yeah, it's fine. Like this is like you're a person. It's fine. Yeah, you're Finnish. Yeah, you're Finnish. Yeah, finish on me.

Starting point is 00:26:48 Yeah. And then he went back to Estonia, I had to hide it for a little while. So it's like those gay guys, when I look at like a 50 plus year old gay man, to be gay in the 80s, you had to fight for your right to suck dick. That's a gay man. Heroes. Yeah, that's a hero. That's, you know.

Starting point is 00:27:05 That's the Navy. Yeah, that's literally, you're a, yeah, yeah. You've grown up in the Marines. Yeah, and sorry, the Marines might take offense. I think the Navy will be okay if we say that. And no offense if anybody is being gay or not or in the Marines or whatever. But yeah, dude, I talk about that. Actually, I just taped a special the other day, and I have a bit about that.

Starting point is 00:27:22 I mean, everybody has a bit about a lot of these things. But yeah, dude. And with Caitlin, too, you know, it's like, she's like an icon in America. we had a trans bass player in a band. It was all chicks in a band, famous Estonian band. And one guy, the bass player was a guy. But he always wore like skirts and shit.

Starting point is 00:27:41 Okay. And then eventually he transitioned. So like women's paraphernalia, whatever skirts, brassiers. And then he transitioned like early 2000s. And in Estonia at that time, we were all like, we don't even know what they, to go to an Estonian doctor. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:58 who usually does gives you a little, like, paracetamol when you have a headache. Yeah, like these are, yeah, people can't even do this in Estonia. Exactly. So to get a sex change. And to tell a doctor, shove half of it off, the other half you just, like cut half of it out, shove the other half in, build me a pussy, build me a Soviet pussy.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Oh, yeah, yeah. And they were like, ripo. I remember he was even in the news, she, she was even in the, I mean, at that time, I mean, a Soviet pussy dude. Bro, that's the name of the musical we're going to write. Okay, that's the name of the musical. And there was like a news article that she was in the grocery store in Estonia.

Starting point is 00:28:35 So this is, it originally was a man and then he transitioned. Yeah. Okay, then she was in the store and she was in the grocery store. And some guys are drunk and they're yelling f***g and shit, you know? And you know what she did? Took the hills all and went fucking factory settings and just started beating the, she went, that's, now that's someone who stands up for gay rights. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:57 You know. If you're a millionaire, you go to a private clinic, you know. That's easy. That's an easy to. You're a hero. Yeah. And those rich people, they'll even get like a pretty pussy. Yeah, or a weekend cock, you know, just give me something I can put on for the weekend.

Starting point is 00:29:10 Yeah. You know, they'll get something with earrings on it. It's like, this is unreal. I'm talking about the freaking day-to-day blue collar. Potato pussy. Yeah. Yeah. The Glasgow Scotland pussy.

Starting point is 00:29:22 Yeah, exactly. Good day, sir. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the vagina that even like if you look at it, if you look at it two times, at least one of those times it still kind of looks like a cock. For sure. Yeah, you just. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

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Starting point is 00:31:42 now streaming on Paramount Plus. Dude, so you're from Estonia. So let's bring up Estonia because it, to a lot of people, or I'm not going to say that, I've always, it sounded like a fictional place. Like, I remember when I was a kid, I heard the word Kalamazoo, right? And it sounds like a place Dr. Seuss would have made up or something. Is it a place? It's a place in Michigan, but I didn't know that. Kalamazoo, right?

Starting point is 00:32:10 It sounds like. Yeah, that sounds like a candy. Yes. It sounds like a candy that pops in your mouth. Yes, the Kalamazoo. And, and I, but then I was in an airport. one time. I was probably 16 years old.

Starting point is 00:32:22 I'm in the airport and I saw Kalamazoo and I was like, no way, it's a real place. Never had an idea. So Estonia seems like a place that almost seems like something out of,

Starting point is 00:32:30 I guess it's... Game of Thrones or something. Yes. Do we get that a lot? But it gets confusing because I can't... If somebody said describe Estonia, I'd have no idea what it is.

Starting point is 00:32:39 How to spend a weekend in Tallinn? Is that the capital? Yeah. Wow. It's like Kalamazoo is like my subway. You know the sandwich shop subway? Yes. We had a one subway in Estonia.

Starting point is 00:32:50 When I was like 16, I went there every day, and I thought, so cool of a family restaurant, name it Subway, because the sandwich looks like a Subway. I did my birthday there. And then I went for like a trip to Sweden, and I saw another Subway. I broke my fucking heart. I thought this was like a family restaurant.

Starting point is 00:33:07 Yeah. Oh, dude, it's beautiful. I mean, just picturing somebody doing their birthday there on the Subway, yeah. It's beautiful, dude. And I'll say this too. I dated a girl that worked at a subway, and I remember I'd go in there.

Starting point is 00:33:20 and she'd hug me with, she'd have those hand covers on and she would hug me when, when she had them on. Like, did she smell after her shift? She smelled the subway, but. Oh, beautiful. The Asiago, when they came out with that Asiago bread, people didn't know what to do. I used to bang a girl from McDonald's. She smelled.

Starting point is 00:33:34 Okay, that's different. She quit McDonald's, like, she had been quit. She hadn't been working there for six months. What, the sex was so good, she quit McDonald's, you're telling me? That's insane, bro. Are you curious? What? And I would go to her place.

Starting point is 00:33:49 Are you, six months later? her apartment still smells like the fries, you know. God, yeah. There's some, bro, that was such a mystery, dude. Like at certain ages when you're still going over to strangers' homes for sex. Yeah. That's a crazy experience, especially if they live with a lot of other people or you don't know who they live with or there's an animal there. You have to, like, first defend yourself against the animal or you have to, like, placate the animal.

Starting point is 00:34:17 You have to get down close to it, lie in its ears, tell it lies. So, you know what I'm saying? It's like you have to get past the wizard. You always know if it's a whore, if the dog is too friendly. You know, the dog is like giving you water like you're doing a podcast. Just you wait here. They'll let you know when she's ready. That's what you know.

Starting point is 00:34:36 It's a fucking. The dog's like take a number out of one of those little machines. Yeah, yeah. If the dog attacks you, that's, that's a good sign, bro. That's he knows. You're right, dude. That's great. Dude, one time I went into a...

Starting point is 00:34:47 If he brings you, if he brings you the condom, you know, in his mouth. Yeah. It's like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And if you can take it off for you. That's insane, dude. Yeah. And bro, dude, one time I went on this thing called Semester at Sea.

Starting point is 00:35:00 So it's like a floating school that's on a campus. It's a floating college. Floating college. Yeah, bring it up. What? Semester at Sea. My friend got me on this. It was for, like, fancy people, right?

Starting point is 00:35:14 Oh, my God. This is such a, if my daughter ever said, I'm going to a semester at sea. oh my God, I mean, this is a sock and fuck boat. I mean, I think there was... My sweet baby angel is stuck at sea. No, no, look. Even a helicopter can't access you. Holy fuck, this is worse than taken.

Starting point is 00:35:32 Now, brother, there's a lot of education. I'd rather send my daughter to France. Oh, wow, yeah. This is worse than taken. Well, in France, they'll fuck her, but softly, you know. It's like very, they can't even really get the job done. But, no, we went on this, and I got a job. I worked in the bookstore,

Starting point is 00:35:50 college, like all my college stuff applied to it. So in the end, it wasn't very expensive. And like I got like, you know, different, like little loans you can get like, um, they had these like Fannie Mae loans or something. Anyway, so I was able to go on this thing. But we went to, what was something we were just talking about? Remember it? Uh, we were talking about, oh, going to a stranger's place to suck and fuck. Uh, you're on a boat, you're working, you met a girl, maybe. Yeah, I was on, uh, uh, I met a guy. No, I never met a man.

Starting point is 00:36:23 I'm never meeting a man. Yeah, I'm so straight. I'm never meeting a man. Well, I would meet a man for, like, dinner or something if it's a friend. Or, like, but I'm not. When the sun goes down, you got to go. Well, I'm just like, I think being gay probably 1,000 years ago or even 100 years ago, probably seem way more exciting.

Starting point is 00:36:42 Like, even if you were some brave-ass dude that loved, like, Carmen San Diego or Encyclopedia Brown or any of those type of, you know, those books. like those mystery books, you might be like, oh, I'll be gay just because it's fucking, you want to play hot and go see against the best. You ever did some like gay shit when you were young, but you didn't know it's gay, it's just like boys exploring themselves or something.

Starting point is 00:37:01 Did you do anything like that? I wouldn't say I did anything like that. I did something where me and my cousin, we would go to an abandoned, you know, like a construction site when it's abandoned, it has that, what's the place where they, like the container where the construction guys, they do coffee, they take a nap.

Starting point is 00:37:19 Oh, yes. Yes, it's like a little like a, it's like a little trailer. A trailer, yeah, yeah. And it was like an abandoned trailer. Me and my cousin would go there and we would like give each other massages and the price was like candy, a piece of candy. Like one minute was one piece of candy and give each other like these back massages. And it was like and then one time I remember we put our dicks into like a bottle. We like shared a bottle.

Starting point is 00:37:44 How big of a bottle are we saying? Now I wish I could say nasty with a big one. It was a little, it was, you know. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we were like exploring. But how did you put them both into the top of the bottle? No, not the same thing.

Starting point is 00:37:57 It's like we. Oh, separate bottles? No, same bottle, but we shared it. Oh, one person than the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, very interesting. And then one time we were giving each other these back massages.

Starting point is 00:38:06 I had my shirt off. I was on the floor and my friend was giving this back massage. Okay. Then we're going to fuck the bottle, you know? It's like a regular Tuesday. And like a guy. Oh, yeah. First of all, this is also the Estonia Olympics.

Starting point is 00:38:17 Like a secure. And then a. security guy or a construction worker somebody walked in you know what he did he just ran out because i get it from his perspective he can't go to his boss and be like i saw these two boys it was me and two boys in a trailer he's getting fired yeah yeah yeah yeah so he just ran off well now that you shared then i'll say something so um yeah there was like a thing where like um i mean i remember a couple things i guess because i never had a father so i guess like right nobody ever taught me about sex or anything so My stepdad tried to talk to me about sex.

Starting point is 00:38:50 He was literally showing me videos on like a laptop. It was like an erotic movie where you don't see penetration, but you see it from the shadow. I was 17 years old. I was like, you think that's cool? Let me. I showed him. Have you seen Mr. Horse? My stepdad was like, yo, this is out there?

Starting point is 00:39:07 I was like, yeah. Dude. So yeah, my sex talk was so late. So it was just me in the fucking trailer at nine years old trying to figure out what are all these emotions. Oh, dude. I remember one time, yeah, like my buddy and I, who's over at my birthday party or whatever. And he was like, you had your birthday party

Starting point is 00:39:25 and then like two friends got to stay overnight, right? So there was the, everybody came to the party and you had to pretend like everybody was leaving, but then two friends got to stay overnight for your birthday. And one friend was like a little bit older and he was kind of thick, this little kind of thick kid. And he was like, all right, let's all take our shirts off. And then let's like, and then he told, he said like,

Starting point is 00:39:46 you could read each other's ribs. like, you know, your ribs, like they had like, it was almost like hieroglyphics. Like you rub your hand along the other person's ribs, you could get like a message out of it. Is it make almost like, you know those bumps that they do for people that are fucked up? Yeah. Braille. Braille. Braille. So we said your body holds braille in it. And if you put your hands like along somebody's ribs, you can, you'll get a message, right? And so we're real hard braille for you right now. You can read this when you're blind deaf. And, you can. Unmute, dude. I got a good braille for you down here, dude.

Starting point is 00:40:22 But no. So we had it, bro. So we had us like, there was like three of us under this like blanket or something. And we're all just sitting there. We didn't have our shirts on them. We're just like all trying to read each other's ribs, dude. And then like whoever seemed like that kind of gayest kid would like get a message or something. Or it was just like, but this one kid was kind of facilitating it.

Starting point is 00:40:42 And he'd probably seen something erotic or he'd had like different thoughts or something. Because your synapses are fine. of pleasure and reproductive and testosterone. But it's a lot of information, but you can't translate it. Right. Like, I remember when I was like seven years or something old, it was a Christmas part. Oh, do tell.

Starting point is 00:41:03 It was a Christmas part? Fair, fair play, lad. And my... And was it snowing out? Lots of snow. Oh. So we need to be here. Tucked in.

Starting point is 00:41:13 Yes, sir. And I remember there was this... Yes, we do, sir. Yes, we do. And there was this cousin. She was like in her 30s, maybe, ginormous titties. I didn't know

Starting point is 00:41:24 that titties are the secret to life, but I know that something is there. You know, it's like there's sexuality is already, it's, you just don't know what to do with the information. Something about these titties are making me feel in a way. And I don't know, you don't, it's not, it's like innocent. It's not like I have an iPad to Google, right. It's just this mystery feeling.

Starting point is 00:41:47 And I would sit in her life. And I would put my head, like my back on my neck between my cousin's titties, and I would like squeeze him. And I would feel. Oh, just feel the pressure of two tits against the back of your head. It just feels amazing. That's good. And all my cousins are laughing because they know. Girls know.

Starting point is 00:42:06 So it's funny to them. Right. They see this kid just. I know. There's a little parrot. There's a little horn dog. Right. It's just a horn dog.

Starting point is 00:42:11 You're just this. It's almost like an electrical wire on the street that's just rattling. And I noticed, the more I bring her this, she was drinking. There's red liquid, it was wine. And the more I would bring the wine, the more titty access I could get. Ooh, do tell. Because she got a little crazier and crazier.

Starting point is 00:42:27 And they started laughing more. And I kept going to the kitchen, a little Bill Cosby Jr. I was putting the juice, and I kept bringing her. More wine, my dear. And you know what's crazy? She, like, takes a nap on the couch.

Starting point is 00:42:47 Okay. Do you want to stop this story here? No, no, no, no. It gets good. and I really want to squeeze the tities. But in my seven-year-old brain, something said no. Right.

Starting point is 00:42:59 Something said no. Right, the tities are closed. And I felt bad about it, like that I even thought of it. So I went in my room and I felt bad. That's how I know I can never write. Even as a seven-year-old boy, there's something in your body that goes,

Starting point is 00:43:12 now that she's sleeping, this is weird. Right. Right, if two people are playing the game, then we can have the game. Yeah, yeah. Wow, dude, yeah, let me think. And then it takes so many, you know, and after that, it takes so many years

Starting point is 00:43:25 for even to find out about sex, pussy, and all that. Yeah. But it's funny when you're a little pervert boy and you're just all these emotions and all these. Oh, dude. You don't know what to do with them. Oh, yeah. Well, we had this one fellow boss named Roy, I think his name was,

Starting point is 00:43:38 or he said it was. And he would, like, he used a hairdry or whatever, so he was kind of, he was leaning towards being gay. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And because children didn't use hairdry. We just didn't even know about it And he knew about it He would always have his with him

Starting point is 00:43:54 If you were even just hanging out with him in a room He'd fucking plug it in it My mom would say he's like a kid who loves a sunny day Yeah But one time he did get I remember he got He's like Dude if you take a piece

Starting point is 00:44:11 Like a piece of tape right And you put one piece on the end To top of your wiener Like tape it to the top of your wiener And you put the other piece of the tape On the top of his weiner and I remember him like getting us to do stuff like that and stuff

Starting point is 00:44:25 or like play Navy or whatever like just different shit that was just in hindsight in hindsight because then you're just standing there and now there's like this little bridge you don't realize it's a bridge you don't realize that though it's a bridge right because you think oh it's just some tape on my wiener some tape on their wing it's like a Ouija board

Starting point is 00:44:42 like it we're opening up the spirits yes a portal too it's a portal so I think there's stuff like that when kids are young and they don't know. One time I found my buddy's kids, I just walked in, I was like, I'd live with this family. They're pretty much like family to me.

Starting point is 00:44:58 I'd walked in and two of the young kids are in the bed naked together. But I think it's just kids, like they don't know what to do. My friend Scott would come over and we would like go on a date with our pillows, like in the room or whatever. And just like shit like that.

Starting point is 00:45:13 My mom, like, had boyfriends. I do think that being open to your children about sexuality. I think at these times, especially with the internet, all this keeping it innocent is actually worse than keeping...

Starting point is 00:45:27 You know, sometimes kids get really traumatized if the parents make it really traumatic because if you do something like explore your body or some of this weird shit and you know your dad walks in and starts yelling and being in the shit out of everybody, that's actually really bad. It's like...

Starting point is 00:45:43 It's hard to raise... Like, okay, like I have a friend. He's got a beautiful daughter. and I had to babysit for this little girl. She was like maybe six or seven. First time in my life I've ever been together with a small girl. And I got so nervous immediately, you know,

Starting point is 00:46:02 because it's like, it's not even my daughter. It's my friend's daughter. They went to the city to do something. And I've already hung out with her. Right. But when you're the, oh, dude, first time I had to watch my niece, I was like, what the heck?

Starting point is 00:46:14 I never thought about that. It's actually, I can't leave you alone because I'll be downstairs. watching TV and you're up there fucking jumping off a balcony. And now I've got to explain to my friend, you know. So I'm nervous, you know. So she, and then the mother starts telling me all these things she can't do. No peanuts.

Starting point is 00:46:30 She literally, she's going to explode into a dead. And then I got to think about, wait, what has peanuts in them? Does a sneakers, oh, sneakers, oh, I got sneakers, but I got a, now I'm starting to. Right now you're hiding stuff or covering things up, taping down a snickers. Yeah, yeah. Then I'm like, oh, where's a loose knife? I start babyproofing the place, basically, you know. And you happen to bring four loose knives, which was crazy.

Starting point is 00:46:51 Exactly. I guess I got to hide the knives. I guess we're not doing throwing knives. So then she goes, no peanuts. Oh, and then she goes, no watching. What's that series that girls love? Dugrassy. Dugrassy.

Starting point is 00:47:04 Degrazi High? Yeah. That show is now on it. It's on in Estonia? Well, that time it was. Oh, wow. And bring up the grassy, dude. Is this the original?

Starting point is 00:47:15 It's the original. Wow, bro. I forgot about that. this. And people, and little girls love this shit, but it's got a lot of, like, sexual stuff in it. It's a certain age where you're ready for this show. Got it. She was not ready. So the mom tells me, no DeGrasi.

Starting point is 00:47:28 You know, you can watch Frozen, you know, and then she goes, no, no candy because her sugar, because it's like late at night and when we're picking her up, we need to put her to bed. If you give her sugar now, it's all, you're fucking us. Right. All these rules, Papa. And then they go, oh, and watch out that she

Starting point is 00:47:43 likes to climb stuff. They noticed that In my apartment, I had a, I had a, the staircase that goes up like this, you know, what, it's not circle. Like a winding staircase. Widing staircase. And it's got the railing. Like in Castlevania or Transylvania. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:48:00 I'm a vampire. And, and they go, oh, don't let her ride the railing. It's like, you know, don't let her climb it, you know. They already see the danger, you know. So they're giving me this, bad, don't do it. No jelly beans. No fucking da gratsy. No peanuts.

Starting point is 00:48:16 And oh, fuck. Jesus, this is way more than I expected. And they leave. Takes the fun out of it, too. I know. Part of the fun of watching someone's kid is seeing what happens if you don't know what it's going on.

Starting point is 00:48:27 And then me and this angel we're like hanging out on the couch. I mean, we're watching Frozen. She's already seen it. I've seen it. And then like, I don't know. I want to be the cool uncle. Jelly Bean City.

Starting point is 00:48:40 I get the jelly bean. I fuck it. Right. Or you smoke on the ports that or watch you through the glass, that kind of shit. Yeah. I get jelly beans up in this bitch. I put DeGracian.

Starting point is 00:48:49 She's jumping up and down. We're watching DeGrecy's running around. Let's go. Let's go. And I'm like, and I tell her, I make her pinky swear, don't tell nothing. You don't say nothing. And she's like, okay. And we run around Jelly Bean City.

Starting point is 00:49:03 DeGrazi's on full blast. We're listening to fucking, what's that, Glorilla. Be a young boy, yeah. We're listening to crazy shit. I'm a nov maybe when you got it. I don't, yeah. Yeah. And then she goes, that's right on the railing.

Starting point is 00:49:16 And I'm like, fuck your parents. We're taking a ride. So I go first. I come down fast. She's like, oh my God, it's my turn, my turn. I'm like, okay, she gets up there. And I'm at the bottom. And because it's, I'm trying to see where she can fall off.

Starting point is 00:49:36 Yeah, that's called risk management. Risk management. We got jelly beans. We got degrassi. We're riding rails. Oh, yeah. And she comes down. Slow.

Starting point is 00:49:46 But first, she looks back at me and the face she has. She makes like a, I can see it. I don't think so. I think so. You think so? So I catches a little horn dog and she wants to go again. She keeps getting slower and slower. And you're putting her back up there.

Starting point is 00:50:10 You got, I mean, what are you doing? She wants to go again. Well, you're the fucking manager of the place. Yeah, but it's hard to be. like, no! You know. Oh yeah, you're right. So she goes, maybe two or three more rides, right?

Starting point is 00:50:25 Oh my God, bro. You got to chill, dude. I mean, like you're saying, I'm not sure if this is what it's about, but I do know children are little horn dogs, you know? Well, I think there's a lot of, bring this up, actually. What, like, when does hormones start to affect the way that children act and behave? Oh, dude, I remember when I was a kid now, and yeah, sorry if I made you feel. I shouldn't have been making it feel weird. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:50:50 I'm trying to make you feel weird. I think I just got scared. I didn't know. No, no, no, but you know there's more to the story. Oh, there is? So, should we have more? We ride, we, she rides, she rides, we fun, we fun, jelly bean, jelly bean city.

Starting point is 00:51:01 The grassy, they're grassy, they're grassy, so then the parents get back. This bitch blows it immediately. She goes, we had jelly beans, I wrote the life, we watched the grassy, it was so much fun. And they're, you know, my friend, and then, oh, my friend stays over. We have a little beer, we haven't seen it in a long time,

Starting point is 00:51:16 and the mom takes the kid home. And it's this awkward moment between me and my friend, he goes, because they have that staircase too. And he looks at me, goes, that staircase, didn't she? I go, yeah, he goes, yeah, that's a mom conversation. But see, then we talked about it. You also as a parent, you have to be cool about this. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:36 You know, like you can't, we don't have a little girl like that. You can't be like, never, never touch the flower. Right. Then it's going to be, then she's going to be banging prisoners when she's 20 years old because she's like, oh, daddy said no flower touching. Yeah, I'm open up a florist down there by the correctional center or whatever. It's a flores center. It's a fucking forest down here now. God.

Starting point is 00:51:57 So with kids, you know, it's always, there's a tender point, but that's totally a mom-to-daughter conversation, of course. But it is interesting how you learn about sex, right, and what happens to you. This says, peribity actually starts between age 8 and 13 in girls and 9 and 14 in boys. If it starts before age, eight and girls, before age nine and boys, doctors often consider it early and worth checking out. But is it pervert that's starting? Or is it? Because it is, I remember probably, maybe I was about seven or eight.

Starting point is 00:52:28 And I remember like just pressing things against my crotch. Like even if I just was like pressing things against my crotch felt good. So I'd find, like even if you were just walking by something and like, you ever see a tree that has like one of those kind of butt, like a little. little butt sticking out. I've dated a few. Yeah. So you've been to that forest before is what you're telling us.

Starting point is 00:52:51 But what I'm saying is this, I remember as a kid, like, sometimes my dad and I would go walk to church and I would just walk, like, we'd walk by this one tree. And I remember, I remember him telling me at some point, at one age or something, I just would walk over and just press my crotch against it. Yeah. All I did as a kid was lay on the floor flat and just shove my little Willie into the floor. just to make it stimulate. Then I had a pink panther.

Starting point is 00:53:15 Remember detective pink panther? Oh, yeah. I had that as a toy, like a soft toy. And I would just like, fuck this pink panther. So much that even under my like, under my like foreskin, I had pink hairs. I would fuck the shit out as fuck. Yeah, we would solve some crimes

Starting point is 00:53:31 and then you know what the award is. You solved another crime, panther. Oh, that's the exact toy. Dear. It's got a little pussy. It's got everything. It doesn't have a pussy. Ari.

Starting point is 00:53:40 That's just its body. Yeah, but you're a man. imagination can add. What? It doesn't. No, you cannot. And I would, I don't fuck it so much.

Starting point is 00:53:47 I still have it in my podcast studio in Estonia. It's like a story that I told in my old podcast in Estonia. And between the crotch, all the hairs are like gone now. Because I just, because I just, and she was a little whore, wasn't she? It's a man. She was a little whore, wasn't she? I would come home from school. I put Metallic on and just rail my pink batter.

Starting point is 00:54:06 Every case got sold that night. What if you listen to that? song, Alison Chains, down and a... Pink Panther is a male. Well, you know, it's... Thank you. Let's say that one more time. You know who else? Hey, for the people in the back, the...

Starting point is 00:54:21 Say it. You got to hear yourself say it. Gender is a spectrum. Yeah, but let's see what it says here. Perplexity, help us out. Can you use perplexity? Let's get this real quick. See, see, see, see, see, see, generally portrayed.

Starting point is 00:54:35 Would you mind reading it for us, all right? Non-gendered. The cartoon Pink Panther is generally portrayed as male. I thought they put male as bold Just to fuck with me They're like, hey, bro Yeah, I was bang, I banged this toy It was like, you know

Starting point is 00:54:55 Or were you banging them Or do you think you were just rubbing? Right But between the legs So I already knew enough I already knew enough That's where I gotta put it, you know Yeah

Starting point is 00:55:06 I had fun with this dirty slut dude That's not a dirty slut dude Now she was my little slut Dude, that was Pink Panther, or that's Heathcliff, or that's, these are good people, these are Snoopy, these are good people. And then I, and then I, I'd even fuck this whore when I even got like a little girl, not like a girlfriend, you know, like, you get a little kiss. So I had like break up sex. Like once every two weeks, I still fuck the shit out my fucking Pink Panther and then we're back to my little girlfriend next door. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:33 You're running shit, huh? I'll run that shit, she was a little slut, dude. Dear God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I just didn't know that kind of stuff's going on in the third. third world or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We take for granted here that, that animals and, like, different things like, like,

Starting point is 00:55:51 Mattel or these different companies, bring up some different Mattel animals from, like, the 80s and 90s, if you can. Mattel? This was the company that made a lot of these stuff to animals. And I think we take it, we take for granted here in the United States that these animals get treated well, right? They get, you know, people. I treat her real well.

Starting point is 00:56:08 Like, popples. Like, you ever see popples? Never. Okay, but, okay. Well, Inspector Get. I had a potato. Okay, yeah. Some people...

Starting point is 00:56:16 We had a long winter communism and a potato. We didn't have popples. But I think we take for granted in America that stuffed animals here get... Like, they'll tuck them in the bed and they'll, like, treat them well or get them a little glass of water. I don't treat this bitch well at all. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:32 This bitch got ran through, dude. Oh, my God. He was a dirty little... He was a man. She was a dirty little water. He was a male cat. No, no, no, no. Dude, he was a male cat with pink skin.

Starting point is 00:56:42 He was obviously going through a lot. And then what? Like maybe like 10 years ago when I, when me and my girlfriend were a chilling at my place, we did a little role play and she dressed us because she knew the story from my old podcast. Oh, and for your birthday or something, she did it? Yeah, she dressed at the pink panther. Oh, that's pretty. And I was the detective, Clause, I can't remember his name.

Starting point is 00:57:06 And I was like, da-dan, da-dan-da-dan-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You're sucking my cock. It's great to see you having good time in our country. When your uncle pulled up with a fresh raccoon to Thanksgiving, and nobody questioned him. That's a power move right there. When your mom's friend stayed over just one night and now lives there and drinks up all your whole milk and wears your freaking pants sometimes.

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Starting point is 00:58:37 This is a paid advertisement. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Better Help, baby. Life, God, life's a journey. It's a dang Oregon Trail, isn't it? One day you got somebody's cough and somebody's got a hematoma or whatever. Somebody lost all her money or something, threw it in a wish and well. Somebody's kids left them or something. You know, life. Some days feel. good. Some days feel overwhelming. Some days feel good. Some days you're standing in your yard and a balloon floats over to you. And that's good. You know, some days you're sitting in your car at night, hiding from your family and somebody come over and give you a little cut a casserole for no reason. That's God. Look, I'm talking about better help guys. Whatever's keeping you up at night. It's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. And let me tell you, that is not the truth. Mental health awareness month, it's on and popping.

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Starting point is 01:00:25 Like just like, well, let's talk about this. Like, because we're talking about sex and being young. And so you're saying that like, what is the conversation really? Like what is the real conversation you would have with the kid? Like how do you really do that with a kid? Like, how do you really do that with a kid? Do you think, because obviously you and I grew up in a way where, like, we were figuring at ourselves.

Starting point is 01:00:42 Like, for me, I realize now, like, I don't like talking about a lot of sexual stuff with my friends even, because to me, like, sex was always, like a secret thing. Like a private thing. Yes. And it was secret. I had to sneak and find the magazines. And I had to do it in secret. So, like, so my whole life I've always felt like, like, it's, like, it's not, like,

Starting point is 01:01:00 but it's like a secretive thing. And it's, like, it's super secret. And do you think that's good or no? I don't think that it's good. I don't think it's good either. Like my household, at a single mother, we had a stepdad at one point, but Mama had a lot of boyfriends.

Starting point is 01:01:13 She would be, you know, in Estonia we have sauna culture, so everyone's naked. Everyone's naked. What you have what culture? sauna culture. Sauna. Sona. Sona.

Starting point is 01:01:22 Like, even as a little kid, I would sit, you know, sauna, it's got the lay, you know, the steps. Yes. It's hotter up there. So kids would always be sitting in front of the feet of the adults. Got it. And even my mom's girlfriend. would come over and I would be in the son

Starting point is 01:01:38 and with the ladies, I would sit in front and B-SKee is like so far from my face. Like as a kid I would look back, I'd laugh at it, they would laugh at it. Very close, a casual distance. Yes, and it's like and it's, so being naked and sexuality, in my family at least, this is

Starting point is 01:01:54 not the case for all Estonian families, but we also don't have any Christian guilt or none of that. You know, it's like a communistic thing which has Christian values to some extent, some homophobia and some chauvinism, all that, you know, that comes with it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:09 But sexually wise, sin is not like included in it, you know? So there's no guilt, really, feeling sexual things. And in my house, yeah, my mom would have boyfriends. I would hear them have sex. And my mom would be like, mommy needs her own little time. So you go hang out with the sister. I know that that means like, I didn't know what sex was, but I know it's like that little grown-up thing.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Right. So you knew there was something grown-up going on. So it did feel adult, but it didn't feel wrong. And then, you know, I would. have like, even when I was like 14, 15, I started having little girlfriends over. My mom would like, literally, dude, when I was like 15, my mom, this girl was like very shy and we were watching Ice Age in my room. And then my mom would bring us cinnamon rolls. And then when she didn't look, my mom would give me like two condoms just in case. We didn't even fuck. I was like fully virgin.

Starting point is 01:03:00 But she wanted you to just feel okay about it. She wanted me to feel okay. And I think that was very healthy. Like looking at other people my age who I've met, and I talk about their childhood, about their sexuality. It seems like, exactly like you said, it's a thing in the shadows. And I think when you're a young, like a, especially a young or whatever young man, young boy, I think it's really bad to hide those things and make you feel bad about having certain emotions that you can't really control. It's just hormones. That's a good point. Yeah, that's the thing, is that you can't control it. So it's like, then it makes you feel ashamed of part of you that you have scientifically, there is no way you can control.

Starting point is 01:03:39 And then what happens? Then you're 40 and you're in a dungeon with like a drill in your ass. Well, that's great. Because I got to let go because mommy said I'm a bad boy. That's what happens. Is it really? I mean, I guess. I was a good boy.

Starting point is 01:03:57 I'm not going to have a drill up my ass. I'm going to treat a girl nice and then we're going to have sex. Yeah. Like two adults. Yeah, I think this is a very, This is definitely a good time to learn about some of this because Yeah, now with porn, I mean, wow Well, let me think about some of this.

Starting point is 01:04:14 Let me think for a second. Because I like talking about this stuff Because it's also important, like a lot of people don't have some of these conversations, right? And they don't think about it. And parents don't know because, like, I think it's interesting your mother would make you this cinnamon roll. So here's something that's like, you know, you're a good boy, you get the dessert. And, you know, I care about you.

Starting point is 01:04:32 There's something a mother making a treat giving you an offering. But also here is something. I want to let you know that I understand what's going on here and that if there's something that I want you to be safe, no matter what. So then it's like, that's what a mother always wants for her child, is the child to always to be safe. But I think, like the presentation to that is pretty interesting. What do you think, like, what do you really think?

Starting point is 01:04:53 Because, you know, there are some Native American tribes where an uncle or even a father or brother will teach this younger sibling about masturbation, will literally go out with him into the woods and teach him out of jerk off. It's like my stepdad. I was already 17 and he's like, he's like saying like, when it gets hard, you know, you can watch videos and play around with it. That's okay. I'm like, okay, dude, stick a finger up your ass.

Starting point is 01:05:18 I'll show you what's a good time. It's already too late, you know? Yeah, I'm already. I got two toothbrushes hitting up my ass, brother. You know what I'm saying? We're partying, dude. Click this remote and see how I feel. I got a thing up my ass that makes me go,

Starting point is 01:05:32 Oh, yazoo! Yeah, dude, click this remote, and I'll run a fucking 5-240, brother. Click this remote. Bro, that would be a great game show. You have seven people somewhere, right? In like a quiet area, right? And one of them, and you have to be like 40 feet away,

Starting point is 01:05:51 one of them has some sort of remote-activated sexual apparatus hidden in their butt. The holy hole. Yeah. The bud or whatever, the 11th fingerprint. Some people call it, right? So, but you don't know who it is and you only get to press it three times and you have to look. The offshore account, as we call it. Yeah, the offshore account. Like when you're Christian, you can't fuck the holy hole, but you can do the offshore account. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or yeah. Yeah, the IRS don't know about this one, do they?

Starting point is 01:06:24 Yeah, we're talking about where, well, let's just say where people do Malaysian banking, right? That's what we'll call it. So, so anyway, but that's the game show. You have seven people, and you just get to look on their faces or whatever, or you can ask them a question, and while they're answering, you could buzz. But if you don't have the right person at the right time, then you're going to get the wrong person answering. It's like when you see a lot of people in a pool and you see that one guy pissing,

Starting point is 01:06:49 it's so clear, you know, this one. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Is that okay to pee in a pool in your country? Is it normal here? Or is it very similar? Every time I'm in water, I pee. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:58 It feels so good. Yeah. He feels holy. Yeah. Yeah, I think getting that out early, it must be tough for a parent. Here's why I think it's tough, I bet. And I don't know.

Starting point is 01:07:09 I'm not a parent. But I bet it is you just don't want to see your kid grow up that fast. 100. Nobody likes to see that. And it's probably such a special age where your kid isn't like, and it's a special age for young people too. It's like, dude, that's like the best year's probably where your, like your dad has like a new best friend.

Starting point is 01:07:25 You guys do cool stuff together. You're like he's your hero. and then somebody shows him some cuder or something or draws a picture of some pussy on a piece of, you know, on the inside of a big oyster shell or something and shows it to the boy and then everything changes. Everything becomes about that. Yes.

Starting point is 01:07:43 Yeah, but... So it must be tougher, Dad, he's like, maybe... But also with boys, and then looking at my friend with his daughter, you know, that's even tougher because I think... Oh, it's your angel. It's your angel. Because I think with boys, it's more expected. Like even with my mother, me being sexual, very accepted.

Starting point is 01:08:02 My sister was a bit older, and she was very protective of her. You know, mothers always love their sons. Dads always love their daughter. It's like a thing. You know, they always say it's like a thing. Mothers always are very tough on their daughters because they're a woman, and they know how tough it is to be a woman, and you've got to toughen these bitches up for the real world.

Starting point is 01:08:21 Oh, you got to, nobody touches your fucking flower, you know. But as a boy, you've got to fortify these bitches. But as a boy, fertilize the ground, you know? Right. Have fun. So it's like, so that's another thing with like girls. Like I remember that. I mean, I literally remember even my, like me being a little kid and like having girlfriends.

Starting point is 01:08:40 And my mom would be like, that's, that's cool. You know, my boy is cool. Yeah. My boy's having a little girlfriend. He's the hot guy at school. He's the funny guy. That's cool. But if my sister would date, that's like a, ooh, like a girl.

Starting point is 01:08:53 So. Right. Yeah. It's a total different energy. Yeah. It's a total different energy. you man. Yeah, I remember they had a gal who would like kind of rub Kleenexes on her like in her underpants whatever and then throw them off the balcony and let us grab them and catch them and stuff.

Starting point is 01:09:06 Really? Almost like catching the bouquet at a wedding or something. Wow. The Kleenex with the with the juices. It wasn't juices but it was like it had enough of an ambiance where you want, like I remember putting on cleats one time to catch it, you know? Really? So yeah, like act, you know like activated sneakers kind of. I don't know what you guys have cleats in your country or not. One time I had a, we do have glitz. One time, when I was a little boy, there was a, there was a girl that stayed over. She was like my mother's friend, hold classmates, daughter maybe. She was like maybe 19. I was like 11 or 12 or something like that.

Starting point is 01:09:45 She stayed over one night. And the next day I'm alone at home. And you know when you're alone as a boy at home, that's when the devil. comes to visit, you know. Your crotch suddenly, like, shows up on the wall like a genie coming out of a lamp, like, what are we gonna do today, my boy? Everything in my house needs to get fucked.

Starting point is 01:10:02 Yeah, what'd you say? Everything in my house needs to get fucked. Like, I tried my cock everywhere, the couches, the pillows. So then I go up there. Oh, my God. And this 19-year-old, I think it's like the pheromones and her cologne were on the bed.

Starting point is 01:10:16 I literally- She had cologne on? She sounds... 19. I mean, I think so. I think it was cologne. But... Not cologne. What's... Oh, female...

Starting point is 01:10:26 Perfume, sorry. Yeah, I didn't know it's... Okay. A smell. A really nice pleasant smell. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I go into the bed.

Starting point is 01:10:34 I put the covers on. I take the pillow. She slept on. I'm like forcing it on my face. I'm like jacking off. Dude, I remember... I don't even know what we're talking about it. This is supposed to be an interview

Starting point is 01:10:48 about it being from Estonia. Yeah. But here we go, dude. But dude, I remember I would hide in my buddies at their house. I would hide, like, his mother was like this sweet. She was like just like a good. Or she just like, I don't know, but she was attractive to. And it was like, you know, there's that energy we attracted to your buddy, one of your

Starting point is 01:11:05 buddy's mom. There's something. You keep going over to his house. You don't even like, you're playing. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah. And I would, instead of sleeping in the room with him, like, we would build like a four or something,

Starting point is 01:11:16 I would go sleep like in the hall by her, like by their door and shit. Like just weird shit. Weird shit. But still legal stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember I'd get in the clothes hamper and just like, she had like one of her bras was in there. Oh. And I don't know if it was still warm, but I thought it was.

Starting point is 01:11:30 And I would just smell it, like put it close to my fucking, like I just wanted to push it all the way into my nose forever. That's what I did with the pillow. I just wanted to fucking shove it down my DNA. Yeah. Yeah, I know, yeah. I wrote a love letter to my friend's mother, by the way. No way, bro. You need to be.

Starting point is 01:11:49 I got out of hand. You got it. Yeah. You should. really bad. And somebody should be watching you. Yes. Still to this day. That's a lot, dude. Did you give it to her? Yes? No. And she never addressed it.

Starting point is 01:12:01 Because it's so weird. But it wasn't anything. That's called unrequited love. Bring up unrequitted love. It wasn't everything. I've read about this before. Hold on. I want to say. What is unrequited? That's what I'm saying. I want to help you get to the, just not to the solution. Like I have no. Unrequitted love is one-sided romantic attraction where feelings are not reciprocated, often causing profound emotional distress, including loneliness, low self-esteem, and anxiety. It commonly stems from idealized fantasies, unreturned crushes, or unbalanced relationships with roughly 98% of people experiencing it. Wow.

Starting point is 01:12:34 So you're not alone. You're not alone, dude. Well, how often is unrequited love lead to crime? Can you look that up? And then what were you going to say? That's what I was also thinking. Unorrecruited love is a very common- Stalking violence and murder. Awesome. There you go. Yep. There you go right there. The actions can be severe including stalking violence and murder. But I was a little boy, so she was stronger than me. But also three options, stalking violence and murder. It's not like it's just like include murder.

Starting point is 01:13:01 Because stalking, it's wrong, but it's... Well, even the mother I wrote that letter to, when I was going to walking home, when I was going home from school, I would take a longer route just to go buy her house and maybe catch a titty. I never did, but I gave the universe a chance to give me a sign. Just to see something? Just to see something. Because that's also like, I mean, we had porn, but this was you gotta like download a fucking image and it was hard. It was like right there.

Starting point is 01:13:35 You need to pray for it. Yeah, so to see a titty, I need an intervention by God. Right. Yeah. Oh, man. Then I found a magazine. You ever find like a magazine in the woods, you know, the classic, when there's born in the woods or something? Yes. It was during winter. Who hit it there, do you think? They always hide, I don't get it at all. Because somebody had porn in every woods. I think it could have been Israel. I think if somebody hit it in every woods?

Starting point is 01:13:59 It's Israel. It's like the pageers. It's like the pages. You corrupt young men. You corrupt the future army are about to fight by showing them a huge horsecock going into a pregnant lady. Because they all jerk off and then the army's weaker. It's not a bad strategy. Well, you know that's what happened with Ukraine and Russia

Starting point is 01:14:16 because Russia deployed a lot of North Korea. soldiers and now they're first time having internet access. You know, they're like not fighting. All they're doing is drinking and jacking off. Yeah, because it's like, imagine you're seeing porn for the first time. Can jack off by myself? Wow. Let's bring that up.

Starting point is 01:14:37 What are you saying? Koreans are jacking off? Yeah, North Koreans because they had no internet. It's like a huge thing. I mean, it's Pandora's box. And then I found this magazine. One time I found, it was during wintertime. I was under ice because it was so frozen. It's almost like ice fishing.

Starting point is 01:14:52 You ever been ice fishing? Yeah. And then I had to get a pick until like, it took me hours with my hands freezing to access these tities. Oh, it's like the new Frankenstein with Jacob Bellorty. Have you seen the beginning of that? Exactly. So clung, clang, clang, I get a big block of ice under the magazine out. I put it in towels near my, what's out on the wall?

Starting point is 01:15:14 Radiator. Radiator. It took me like days for it to dry off. Water was everywhere. And then it dried off and I had to peel. I got only one page open because it was all fucked up. But it took me like, I was like a detective. It took me like days to see.

Starting point is 01:15:26 And it was all fucked up except these two big round titties. So I cut the titties out and kept them in my fucking Batman wallet for years. And I would show other guys at school, I'd be like, check out this. And show these two ominous tities. I love that. Yeah. Like wolves eyes. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 01:15:43 Mm-hmm. And the first porn video I ever saw, it was gay porn. I just didn't know. Wow. It was like so low pixels. I just saw cock going into an orifice. And then like it took me like minutes to realize there's another cock hanging near the orifice. It broke my heart.

Starting point is 01:16:00 And the guy who was banging, doing that porn, he's an Estonian guy. I met him like 20 years later. No way. Did you tell him it hurt your feelings? Yeah. I told, I really, I said, I thought you were banging a chick. Oh. And he goes, this is my friend, Marcus.

Starting point is 01:16:11 Oh. They're friends, huh? Yeah. Yeah, you wonder if people are friends in some of those videos sometimes. See, the whole fucking. North Korean soldiers hooked on porn after getting internet access for first time while helping Russia fight Ukraine. North Korean military men who joined the war front in Ukraine on behalf of Russia have unf- Why would, first of all, look up this up separately, keep me on this page?

Starting point is 01:16:35 Unfettered. Why would North Korean men be supporting the Russian side in this war? Communism. Because they're also communistic, you know. And they have common interests. Everyone's against North Korea except. So Russia's seeking for partners, you know. Got it.

Starting point is 01:16:51 North Korea military men who joined the war on Ukraine on behalf of Russia have unfettered internet access for the first time and may be using it to watch tons of pornography. That's the kind of sense. This is one I don't trust the media. And maybe using it, might be, to watch tons of pornography. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:08 Give me one side of the net, right? Yeah. According to a report that a Pentagon official was unable to confirm. So, yeah, okay. So I'm not saying this. It's not true. I know. I get it.

Starting point is 01:17:18 The way they shape, if you look at the way they shape articles and stuff, according to a report that a Pentagon official was unable to confirm, warriors from the hermit kingdom engaged in a battle in Ukraine for the first time Monday, but they purportedly started fighting different demons before stepping foot onto any field, according to a report. Does it say what their favorite searches were? I do love, there's a joke up there. They go, hardened soldiers indeed.

Starting point is 01:17:44 A usually reliable source tells me the North Korean soldiers who have deployed. Bloider, Russia, have never had unfettered access to the internet before, as a result of they gorging on pornography. Someone's telling you to hold the front line, but you're seeing everything you've ever dreamed of for the first time. I'm staying at the base, brother. I mean, we can give up a little land. Yeah, yeah. We can give up a little land. If we give up a couple hundred more acres, you know.

Starting point is 01:18:11 So just so I can get through a couple of more of these categories that I'm really curious about. dude uh when i did the youth exchange program in romania when i was a kid i'll throw on hold on a second i just don't know how many stories i could take where somebody ends up jacking off all over at the end of it just you i'm not judging you i just have to fucking brace myself for just a second dude let me touch my fucking neck for a second release the cranium imagine you start doing that on a plane dude I got to hold on second.

Starting point is 01:18:46 I got to release my cranium. We put a fucking balloon up your nose, dude. People are getting weird out there, dude. You know when someone's like stretching at the airport, it's like too much. You know when they're on the ground and they're doing their little things. Oh, yeah. Just take your bad hip. Just to be a man.

Starting point is 01:19:00 I'm uncomfortable. Dude, I want to do squats too, but I'm not going to... Just get your fucking bad ankle to Minneapolis, brother. Dude, but here's a dream I had is one day, if I had a long enough layover, I wanted to go for a jog like in the Atlanta airport or the Madrid airport I think is really really big

Starting point is 01:19:19 and you want to go jog because you could jog because in the Madrid airport it's like giant you could do like a two mile run in it like so I just wanted to go for like a run like say if you had a long enough layover

Starting point is 01:19:31 you're trying to kill time but you also want to get some exercise because you can crew like if you're running late for your plane you're welcome to do that all day for sure so I'm like if you just had your headphones on

Starting point is 01:19:39 and you just popped on shadow boxing yeah just popped on some shirt Why not I go for a run? Yeah. That's always been a dream of mine ever since I was young. To run in an airport.

Starting point is 01:19:49 To run, but to go for a run in an airport. I think it's to do something someplace that seems obtuse, you know? Uh-huh. But I just want to make sure that we get to the end of this thought of like, so did we cover fully? So as a mother, I think, or as any parent, it's just to create a comfortable way

Starting point is 01:20:06 to have that conversation and keep it ongoing so that it can be there's room for it to breathe. Like, yeah, I think if it's, it's taboo or if you don't talk about it at all, then it feels like something's wrong. Exactly. Or it's scary or then you just learn, this is another thing I just realized.

Starting point is 01:20:23 Your friends tell you, and it's always some evil older brother that's like calling you a f***g or whatever. It's always. And just are doing this in front of you like this. You know? It's like too much. It's gross. And that kid probably learned from some dark, dark way, right?

Starting point is 01:20:37 Yeah. So I think like, like, yeah, but then here's what happens is, You learn from a kid. You learn from some, like, and then, and then you become like, oh, I need to do certain things or I need to operate certain ways or make sure that I'm, like, trying to, like, engage with sex or something so that other people, my peers will think it's cool, right? Well, the only reason I wanted to lose my virginity

Starting point is 01:21:01 was because all my friends had lost their virginity. It's not even, remember how much you wanted to have sex, like in your DNA, you feel it, but then when the opportunity, how scared, Dude, I was literally, I was so terrified. It's crazy. And also, my girlfriend, when we decided to do it, I had already lied that I've done it. So I had to pretend like I've been here before.

Starting point is 01:21:23 And would you do to pretend, just stand up straighter or whatever? Well, I didn't even know, you know, like, she has angles. To even get my cock into her sweet little angel hole, it took me several tries. I could have to try several times. And of course. Yeah, it's like trying keys. on a door, you're like, oh, that one's not it. Exactly. That one goes to that other place.

Starting point is 01:21:45 They never explained that in porn, you know. They don't, you know, you don't know that. Yeah. And it took so long. Yeah, I had to like, and I came within like, maybe it was like two seconds or something. And then you just got a lie that, you know, like, I told her like, oh, it's my like third time. So, you know, I'm still pretty new.

Starting point is 01:22:02 Oh, dude. I lost from Virginia. I had a bowling alley in our town. Really? That they're refurbishing now. So I'm glad that they're doing that. Wait, but in what room? The toilet?

Starting point is 01:22:11 it? No, no, no, behind it. What? Yeah. In the woods. What? Yeah, no, it was sex, but it was, yeah, I lost my Virginia behind his bowling alley. Bring it up over there. Tiffany Lanes over there. Oh, you've talked about this. Theo dusted off his little wand and got his weasel grease for the first time here. That means these lanes are well on and the ambience are well done. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, here it is right there. I hate to see that it's closed. Good place if you came early like Theo.

Starting point is 01:22:37 I know his girl didn't like that he came so early, but that just makes him an alpha. Let's go. Thank you. Thank you, Nicholas F. Wow, it's all Theo. It's all Theo, dude. I had no idea, dude. Dude, you took this business down probably. Now there's all these little kids trying to get their dick wet and they're not even interested in the lanes.

Starting point is 01:22:56 This bowling alley owner must be so, his mind must be like, the fuck's been happening in the last four years. Why is everybody behind the building? Nobody wants to use the lanes anymore. Places full of rich history. Theo Von became a man behind this alley. Shout out to the patrons for giving him. the strength to do so. Amen to that. I'm here because of the Ovan who lost something precious

Starting point is 01:23:15 at this bowling alley so long ago. Any good place for Theo is good enough for me. Oh, that's nice. If you thank you, my man, wheezy. Again, Theo, it's all Theo. It's literally all Theo. I didn't know. Sorry. Yeah. But anyway, thank you guys for some of the warm sentiment. And yeah, just a beautiful place. And they are reopening it soon. So I am excited about that. You should go to the reopen. Go to the ribbon cut. You should go to the reopen. Dude, are we even going to mess this place up by even talking about this on here? No, they're totally fucked now. But it closed there.

Starting point is 01:23:46 When did it close? Oh, but they rented, see, two million renovation. Getting a new bowling alley. You know what? I should have reopened it. Yeah. This is the spot. Dang.

Starting point is 01:23:58 Yeah. But still, I hope that people practice, you know what I'm saying? Bumper bowling, if they do around there. Just safe activity. But what would you, if you're a dad, what do you think you say to your son? Like, really? Like, what do you really say to your son if you think you, like, and when do you think you would do it?

Starting point is 01:24:15 Like, I'm trying to think if I'd had a dad around that was gonna communicate like that, what would I have, what would I have liked to, like, it's probably like I'm on 11 or 12. Yeah, you see it way before that probably, you know, they were a little Willie.

Starting point is 01:24:29 Like, did you show your little cock everywhere when you were a kid? No. Like, did you show it? I showed it to everybody. I had to. Really? It felt so good.

Starting point is 01:24:37 And people would laugh and feel good. Like, my mom would have her girlfriends over, they would drink wine, and I would do this thing where I would slide, like, you know, they're like on the couches, in the living room, and I would slide on my socks, and I had little, these, like, gray sweatpants with a little hole in front. I put my little Willie. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:24:54 I played a guitar like this, and then run back in my room. I mean, dying, laughing. They were like. Right. But then I did it so much that eventually my mom was like, you know, that's not. Right. You're like, you're 30 now. You got to.

Starting point is 01:25:04 Yeah. You got a sliding out there. So I would do stuff like that, like, drrr. I love that. That's like funny. Oh, yeah. I think it's definitely funny. This perplexity says

Starting point is 01:25:13 The best approach to make it ongoing Calm conversation, not one big talk Yeah, yeah, that's, I guess That's true. Oh, dude, I remember I've talked about this before, but my uncle Was like My uncle, I don't know if he was our uncle But he was like a guy that somebody was

Starting point is 01:25:30 Making Love to that had a car, right? And so he would bring us to the wine store And he left me in there one time He was going to do something So I'm wandering around in there And some lady walks up She's like, have you seen my kitty? And I didn't know what she was talking about.

Starting point is 01:25:44 And I was probably, I think I was maybe 12. And then she opens her jacket and she was naked. No. Yeah. Wait, why would she be an angel like that? I don't know why, but I didn't know what was going on. I just remember being like very turned on. Fully naked, Bush.

Starting point is 01:25:58 Fully naked. I don't know if it was Bush or whatever. I mean, everything was Zen. I remember that, dude. But it was just kind of crazy, you know. Must be for real. Now I can feel. It was nice, dude.

Starting point is 01:26:10 But I just, it was. like a, I remember that that happened, but I think my uncle had said something after that. He maybe, he asked me a couple questions about it. But I think it's just like, yeah, like, did he make her do it, maybe. No, he did not. Oh, that would have been crazy. No, he didn't have any game like that. I had my girlfriend show her tits to a, like, a young kid one time.

Starting point is 01:26:27 Oh, wow. Just because to blow his fucking mind. Fuck yeah. That's fucking kind of. Yeah. Fucked up, but it's cool. Big ass tittish. And this kid was like, who's fucking yams, huh?

Starting point is 01:26:37 Yeah. Dude, I'll tell you this. One time at, um, at YMCA summer camp. Shout out YMCA, best summer camps in the world. I'll say that. Facts. They had, we would go to this park called Fountain Blow State Park. And it was in Louisiana.

Starting point is 01:26:50 Bring it up over there. Fountain Blow. Let me guess the reviews are all feel. No, nobody knows about this, dude. Nobody knows about this. But it was like raining one day, and we sat there, and they had this guy named Eddie, and he was pretty cool. Fountain Blas.

Starting point is 01:27:03 Just look at the pictures of it. Yep, that's it. It's very pretty. Very beautiful place. But, like, everybody's bored because it was raining, And so you got to walk up and look down like his girlfriend's shirt one time. One time.

Starting point is 01:27:17 That's all you need. And I just remember I walked up and looked and then I was like, oh, I didn't get to see it. I said that. Like I just made it up or whatever. They let me go one more time. They disrespected that, you know, but I don't know if it was so powerful

Starting point is 01:27:31 that I actually couldn't see it. Like you blanked. Right. Like it's just you staring into something, you know, just like. Yeah. I do want to learn a little bit about what brought you here from Estonia to the USA?

Starting point is 01:27:44 Like, why did you come? Well, stand up, of course. Okay, so you were doing stand up there. I was doing it in Estonia, Australia, Estonia in the capital, Tallinn. I did in Australia, Melbourne. I did in Bangkok for a year. I was the feature on the road in Asia with a lot of guys. I met R. Shafir that way.

Starting point is 01:28:00 I met Sam Talent in Estonia because he came through. I did it in Canada, Vancouver. He came to Estonia? Yeah, I invited him, yeah. I put some gigs up for him. It was awesome. So were you running your own? show there? Yeah, yeah, we have like our own comedy club.

Starting point is 01:28:13 Okay. Me and my friends, like eight of us basically own. And it's still active? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Summer tour. They're all killing it. How big is Talon? 600,000, I think. That's big. Yeah, it's pretty big. How big is Estonia? 1.4. But, you know, when you say 1.4 population, what is it really? Like actually online voting people who know what's happening in the world, maybe 60,000. 60,000? You know, it's like when you say, how much is in America? It's like a big number, right? Right.

Starting point is 01:28:42 Yeah, but how much of those people are actually consumers and they go to shows, they go to, like, like online people. I see what you're saying? Right, like America, I think the population now, what is the population now? I bet it's about 350 million. That's crazy.

Starting point is 01:28:56 Wow. The U.S. population is approximately 342 to 349 million. But yeah, what percent are like kind of tapped in? So out of those 350 million, I reckon, actual people, it's maybe three million. Right. A lot of bots. A lot of bots.

Starting point is 01:29:12 A lot of NPCs. I think that could be right. Did you, do people there, do the, is comedy different there? Would they get our comedy? What is humor like there? Well, you see, that's why stand up had such an explosion as well, is that the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991. That's when Estonia became a country.

Starting point is 01:29:33 Again, we were a country in the 40s before Soviet Union rocked around. And we were a country. The COVID Union basically all the time. You know, Estonian get really offended when you call us Russian, you know, because we're like Estonian. But it's a very they-them behavior, you know. It's like you were Mike last week, you know. It's like most of our history.

Starting point is 01:29:51 We've been Russia, so I don't get offended when people say that. But it's a thing we have. So there's a lot of pride in Estonia right now for being Estonian. We have our own language, everything, you know. Wow. It's a beautiful place. It is, you would, because you seem like a guy, America's very loud.

Starting point is 01:30:07 It's loud. It's a lot. highways are loud. There's a lot of pollution. It's loud. It's a lot. I agree. That's why you guys are also like culturally like the leaders because there's a lot of tension and a lot of push and pool. A lot of push and pool creates beautiful art. A lot of tension creates beautiful art. So that's why you guys do that. But Estonia, very serene, calm, sauna, the sea, the ocean, quiet, space, space. We love space. We love quiet. It's not a lot of people. So when the Soviet Union collapses, we'd like rap, music, culture, movies, stand-up comedy. The more, you know, to control

Starting point is 01:30:47 what communism does really well when it works is to control people, you control their subconscious, their mind. So that's why there was all this, you can't speak bad about the government. There's all this censorship. Right. You can't say bad words, no sexual stuff. You have to keep people subconscious subdued to control them, just like they're doing now in North Korea. That's what you have to do. Well, just like even that's happening now here, I think in America is like, you know, they're like the way that they sedate us with certain, like, things you can and can't say online, that sort of thing. No, that's what you do. But the more tension creates the bigger the release when you get to say it.

Starting point is 01:31:33 Like, that's how stand up starting in America. So much tension with the government, racial tensions, everything. And then a guy named Lenny Bruce starts riffing with a cigarette in his mouth and starts saying crazy shit. And people go into this room like, holy fuck, this is where you can talk off the record. This is how I talk with my friends when the government isn't listening, you know. That's why communism. So that's how it's how, you know, like, that's how whispering started even. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:31:59 And literature back in the day where Russian literature is so beautiful. it's because it's out of all this poverty and you have to speak through the flowers. That means I can't say fuck the government but I can say it in a different way. That's why, you know. So parameters, like having parameters also create beautiful art.

Starting point is 01:32:19 And then when the Soviet Union collapse, all the floodgates are open. We get South Park, Chappelle Show, Knight Rider, McGuiver, Gray's Anatomy, Felicity, friends. Yeah. It's all like coming into our

Starting point is 01:32:34 consciousness. Yeah. And then me and another friend Sonder and another group of guys, the comedy Estonia guys, used to be in our organization back in the days. We were the first generation of comedians. So now we're the first adults

Starting point is 01:32:48 talking about stuff that American entertainment talks about, potty mouth stuff, sexual stuff. So they didn't have it before? Not at all. So you didn't, when you were a kid, they didn't have like an Estonian comedian? We had comedic influences,

Starting point is 01:33:03 but it's all controlled by the fucking, it's all mainstream. Got it. It's all la. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Like Big Bird or something. Yeah, yeah. Like Tonight Show, Johnny Carter,

Starting point is 01:33:13 like stuff like that. It's not. So then, when we started, we were like first ones at the well. You know, the first ones at the well of creativity. Now that there's no lines, the internet keeps everything open. So it was a big explosion.

Starting point is 01:33:27 Open mics would have hundreds of people. In Estonia? Yeah, open mics literally people squeezing in just to see the, new art form. So it was a beautiful explosion. It's like fucking the Beatles shit, you know. Yeah. So it was amazing for us, you know. Dude, that's so cool. It's so incredible, man. The first hours of material, let's be honest, they're not the most

Starting point is 01:33:47 original just because, as I said, we're the first ones at the well. I just got the first cup of water. No one's ever made an airplane joke. I'm going to do a fucking 12-minute closer. That would be so hacky here. But it's the first time anyone's talked about this. Wow, dude. That's so wild. Yeah. Yeah, there is something that's so thankful about, like, let me say something. That's why I think we're in a spot now where comedians sometimes are the people that are the only ones and the few podcasters that are saying something that's like not the mainstream narrative.

Starting point is 01:34:22 Well, exactly. And that's how podcast basically took over the media. It's just because that, the more you subdue, the subconsciousness, The bigger, the release. What's that movie? This movie's great if you've ever seen it. It was the movie. Titanic.

Starting point is 01:34:38 Huh? Titanic. Titanic's so good, huh? It's a great movie. They had it in your country? Late, but I had it. God. I think we're getting Avatar next year, so I'm very excited about that.

Starting point is 01:34:49 Dude, yeah, I remember being in Vietnam, and they had just gotten a stand by me when I was over there. Wow. And they were fucking crazy. You had all these Vietnamese people dressing up like the characters and stand by me and singing that song, When the night it come, the land is gone. We all dressed up as Blade

Starting point is 01:35:08 when we got Blade, remember Blade? Oh, yeah. Everybody had sunglasses and a leather suit. If you go to a nightclub, it was the bouncer was Blade, the guy getting him was Blade. It was Blade. It was, it was, everyone was fucking,

Starting point is 01:35:21 dude, leather sales skyrocketed. I reckon the leather industry in Italy was like, man, what's happening in Estonia, Blade? This was me. This was all of Estonia for like three years. And do they have a lot of black people in Estonia? Three. Good.

Starting point is 01:35:38 Yeah. And how's that been? If we interviewed them, what would they say? Do you think it's been good? Yeah. Okay. So it's been hit or miss. It's been hit or miss for sure.

Starting point is 01:35:50 But I would say, Estonians, Eastern Europeans, Northern Europeans, you know, it's not. Not. See, racism is embedded in you having a preconceived notion about a certain group of people. And I would say living in America, it probably gets validated in an echo chamber. If you grow up in a white neighborhood and it's a racist neighborhood, you're going to have this notion and, you know, and then you're going to grow up and understand, okay, that was just my childhood. In Estonia, if you don't really have black people around, the racism is kind of, it's, it's fine.

Starting point is 01:36:30 into darkness. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah. I'll be in Canada and I'll see like black people in some Canadian places. And it doesn't feel like there's any of the tension and weird shit that there is in America. And I'm not saying that they're, it feels it's so fucking different. You're like, oh, this is how things are supposed to be. And they also keep like repeating this same narrative in America.

Starting point is 01:36:54 Like it's getting beat. It's gotten like, it's like we should be able to, I think at some point start to move past some of this stuff. It's like, what are we still doing? I know. Yeah, exactly. You know what I'm saying? If I'm still chewing a piece of gum from fucking 150 years ago. Yeah. And after, and there's a taste in my mouth after a while, it's because at a certain point, you got to, you know, somebody let that gum go. Yeah, just get, you know, yeah, take part of it out of your mouth, you know, or give it a little bit of a rest sometimes. Yeah. But there's some people that just want to chew like some of the same

Starting point is 01:37:22 gum. And maybe that's messed up for me to say. But I just, it blew my mind when I was in Canada. And I was like, oh, there's not this racial tension here at all. Yeah, and absolutely there's people who are, you know, it's racism due to ignorance is one thing, you know. Yeah, totally. I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but. And it's like, you know, Estonians, we draw Ben bombs, but it doesn't have the history you have here, you know. Like we have, we don't even say black people, we just drop the word. But you guys have, you know, you guys, like, we don't know. We don't have the word you have.

Starting point is 01:37:59 Right. We say like Negro, which you guys say too, and it's not a good word, you know? Right. Well, especially being from the South, some of it's like, yeah, it's all like, I agree. There's such a history with it, like certain terms here that you don't want to, like, it's not cool. Exactly. So, but there's none of that weight attached to that word. So if a white guy will be drunk and yell it at a black guy, it's just because he's a fucking baboon brain.

Starting point is 01:38:24 But there's no deep conceived fucking hatred. Right. But if a white guy gets drunk and yells at a black guy, that's fucking kind of racist. No, it's racist. The action is racist for sure. But what I'm trying to say is he makes it out ignorance. It's not, there's no like, you know, and it's like. But yeah, I think our media over time kind of perpetuates it or wants to keep that flame burning because it also keeps a lot of fucking anger in certain communities. Unity has zero dollars in it. Division has the bank. Amen. There's no reason for people to get along.

Starting point is 01:38:58 There's no money in us having an open conversation and being happy with our lives. There's no money in that. Think about that. I fucking hate your ass and I need to be better than you and you wanna be better than me. That creates revenue. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:14 There's no revenue in peace. Man. Yeah. Oh, it's interesting. It's sad. It's a lot. I'd love to talk more. We both have to go to the airport.

Starting point is 01:39:28 We have to go to the airport. So people know that. Are you excited to travel, like, to see places like Estonia or no? Oh, dude, yes. What would you think about that? Oh, I would love to go there, man. Like, I love to travel so much. And then I, like, I mean, I hate to say this, but it's like, you know, I got into podcasting.

Starting point is 01:39:48 And then it's a lot. It's a lot. And also, like, work started going really good. And then, like, that's a lot. And so it's all been, like, gifts. I know. But, yeah, in the next, like, year or two, I would, I would in mind. maybe falling in love or something and going traveling or just going and traveling.

Starting point is 01:40:02 It'd be nice to have like somebody to do, like, you know, you get those things that you do with. My mom wanted to go to Italy. I think I might try to take her there. So I have to bring it up to her and see if she wants to go do that. But dude, yeah, I want to go see some more places. I've been fortunate to see some places. But I would love to get to go see some more. Like that semester at Sea Trip was like the first time I ever like got, like I remember we pulled like we docked

Starting point is 01:40:28 like South Africa. Wow. And dude, it would be crazy, bro. Like, because you were just, I didn't know anybody on this ship. I remember, and everybody's families where they're like waving

Starting point is 01:40:37 and had poster board and shit. I'm like, and I just started waving like strangers, grandmother's shit. Because I, like, I don't even know if I told my family that I was going.

Starting point is 01:40:44 So I'm just fucking, this ship is leaving port. And it's just like, and I'm just like, where are we going? And we sailed for like 14 days and then we get to Japan, right? So we went from Vancouver to Japan.

Starting point is 01:40:58 And, um, and that was crazy. And even when I got into Vancouver, I'd never been there. I went hitchhiking and go up to Whistler. Some dude picked me up. This dude, his name was Mike, Michael something.

Starting point is 01:41:09 He was the caretaker for Christopher Reeves, who was Superman. Yeah. After Christopher Reeves got hurt. He was his caretaker. So I got to ride and listen to all these crazy stories about what it was like, like taking care of Superman,

Starting point is 01:41:21 which was just fucking crazy. Like, and shit like that. That was before they had cell phones. Like, shit like, like, you just like, I don't know, things were so much. more possible and like unique and like everything felt like an adventure then um but but that but that whole ship experience was really great and uh and we got to go to different places but i remember we got to

Starting point is 01:41:39 south africa and i got off and i was like oh my god like like there's like other people are like living in different places like it just it's hard to conceptualize things until you go places for sure and i would say as much as i've met americans throughout my life and now living here i would say there's something about Americans that it gets put into a lot of your heads that everywhere else is really dangerous

Starting point is 01:42:07 and not good. It's like you're not safe there. And I don't know if it's like capitalism and consumerism trying to put this thing like stay put, you know, take a loan, take a loan, you know, this is America. Like like of course America. Number one, we love

Starting point is 01:42:23 it. Patriotism is beautiful. Absolutely. But, you know, the rest of the world, the hint that bad. No. Oh, it's getting better all the time now. I mean, I think America, especially with the leadership we have now, with the way that we're supporting, like, crimes around the world with a lot that's been revealed.

Starting point is 01:42:41 Like, I love this country. I respect the people that have stood up and fought for it. Absolutely. Especially with our jobs. Like, freedom of speech, if people didn't die for that job, we don't have a job here. Absolutely. You know, we don't even have a job market.

Starting point is 01:42:53 And then there's other bigger entities now that are trying to, like, curtail that. and these big, you know, like, tech companies that are trying to limit what you can say. Like, I think America's in a really, really interesting spot where we need patriots, like, more than ever. And I don't know how we become those. And I don't know also how we fight against the evil that's going on. And the algorithm listens more than the people, you know.

Starting point is 01:43:17 Say that again? The algorithm listens more than the people. So what you hear is often wise dictated. the algorithm makes a decision what you're consuming and that's wild that's exactly the opposite of the internet

Starting point is 01:43:34 what it was created for because any opinion any opinion that the algorithm wants you to have it will make you have it you know it's got and here's the thing it's very scary

Starting point is 01:43:47 it's not a human like I totally get it we say an offensive word here and another person who's maybe a revenue stream or a company that sponsors your podcast Maybe they don't like the word that we use the slur.

Starting point is 01:43:59 And that's a human making that decision. That's a board meeting. It's not my personal preference of a decision, but at least you can validate it to me to a person. An algorithm deciding, like, between you and a consumer, there's an algorithm, and that decides if that content gets to the consumer, that's not free speech. That's an orchestrated version of free speech.

Starting point is 01:44:24 and that can even be more dangerous than just saying you can't say it, you know. Yeah, I mean, and it's fascinating and a lot of people we don't even realize it's going on, and we don't realize that... Have you ever looked at another person's feed? How different is it? How's that possible?

Starting point is 01:44:40 You know, are we both living in this country having the same issues? You know, how are me and you living in the same country paying taxes for the same government, and you get a totally different use feed? Because the algorithm knows, you know? Yeah, this is what he needs.

Starting point is 01:44:54 that's what he doesn't need. Isn't it creepy that, you know, when you scroll, you know, I spoke to a guy who's a programmer, he's from Sweden, and he told me they developed this back in the day. He used to work for Spotify. He's a big programmer guy. He sells these patents.

Starting point is 01:45:08 And he said that one of the biggest things they've done is, you know, when you're scrolling, if you like a post, that's one thing. But you know what's more valuable for the algorithm? When you scroll past, you stop. You don't like it, then you keep scrolling. That's more points for the algorithm

Starting point is 01:45:27 because the algorithm understands, oh, this is something you don't want to show other people you like, but you love this shit, don't you? So it knows you better than you. Dude, and it's like, it's like temptation. It's like, and we don't realize when those things come on that you have to fight against that, man. Like, if you really want to have discernment,

Starting point is 01:45:49 like there's never a better time when we realize people are fighting for your attention, right? Because which you absorb and then you believe that's what's going to influence your children. And it's like we're at a crucial time. Attention is money and time. And there's one thing you can't get back is time. And if you can control what people spend their time on, aka their attention, you control a whole narrative of history now, you know. I mean, it's basically, it's a communism.

Starting point is 01:46:16 It is for sure. I mean, it is. Yeah, absolutely. You're controlling me. You know, you're making me feel emotions about a certain topic that we're, you're, you're wasn't even entering my brain. It was a beautiful day and a nice flower. And now I see this thing on my feet.

Starting point is 01:46:29 And now I'm upset about something that has nothing to do with me. Yep. And now that I'm upset, I'll resort to things that, these are things that sneak into people's lives. When for me, these are, sorry, I don't want to preach. These are things that sneak into my life and I'm angry. I'll eat something. I don't want to eat because I'm just frustrated. I'll act out like I'll like maybe try and hit up some girl that I'm not really interested in bullshit,

Starting point is 01:46:51 masturbate, dude watching pornos. just different things. Once you're agitated, they got you. Because then you're going to go buy some other addictive thing. Yeah. And it's just like, oh. Yeah, everything negative has money in it.

Starting point is 01:47:04 Yeah. No one's making money when they're contempt. Yeah. You know, and it's like, and but America is, of course, a beautiful. Of course. And it was founded on the fact of free speech and alternative thinking.

Starting point is 01:47:19 That's why stand up is thriving. And the reason I moved here is because I want to practice I want to see how far the rabbit hole of my own mind on stage goes. And the only place to do that as basically is America because the level of comedians is so high here because you have generations of free speech and it's beautiful.

Starting point is 01:47:38 And it's important to continue doing that. And dude, and I'll say this, man, you've done such, like, like, yeah, I got to watch you. I think we did some shows there last month or something. It was really great, man. I mean, I love seeing your clips. Your shit is so funny. You're so funny, too, dude.

Starting point is 01:47:52 Thank you, bro, for just all the entertainment. I appreciate it. And everywhere is beautiful in the world, you know? Like even did my friend, you know what I stuck out recently? I met an old Iranian wrestler back in the day. I was to work in a nightclub in Melbourne. He was a bouncer. Iranian, they love wrestling.

Starting point is 01:48:08 They're so homophobic, but their history is all. The Iron Sheik, wasn't he, Iranian wrestling? Oh, yeah, they love. Shiki. Yeah, they love wrestling. This guy, I just randomly reached out to me on a message. He was like, hey, I heard you on a podcast. Glad to see you're doing so well.

Starting point is 01:48:20 You always used to be funny. I'm happy you found your lane. And he's in Iran. He's in Iran. So I go, yeah, thanks, man. You good? And he sends me a picture. He's getting an operol spritz with bitches on the beach.

Starting point is 01:48:36 And he's like, no, I'm not where the war is at. And those things always show me. You know, everywhere in the world, there's a guy chilling somewhere, having a little cocktail or a fresh squeeze orange juice, staring at ass and trying to be happy in his own life and whatever they tell, of course there's war and atrocities absolutely that's happening, that's confirmed.

Starting point is 01:49:00 But don't forget, a lot of people are happy everywhere in the world. Yeah, don't forget to be alive. I mean, yeah, it's easy to get stuck into the things that are negative. It's easy to get stuck. Because I'm like, are you good, don't? And he's like, oh, what are you saying? I'm chilling. I got my parents, I got these bitches and you show me beautiful ladies on the beach. I just dropped my parents off somewhere to museum. I'm fucking great. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:49:23 Yeah, I'm leaving him there for four hours. They think I'm coming to get them in three. There's a great falafel truck here. It's a beautiful day. What are you crying about? I'm great, man. What was that last thing we were going through? There was one kind of closing piece

Starting point is 01:49:35 I wanted to have about it. Wait, can I take a picture with my camera of you? For sure. It's just that's going to be a funny picture. I just like this camera. Damn. And you know, okay. Sorry about that.

Starting point is 01:49:46 It's an old camera. And you know, Theo, you're so funny. It looks new that camera. No, it's old as fuck. And you know, you're so funny that it's crazy that... You know, I saw you as a kid on Real World. You know that? Really?

Starting point is 01:50:01 Road rules. Road rules. They had in your country? MTV. Wasn't it MTV, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I remember when I met you, I was like, man, I know this guy as Theo won, the comedian,

Starting point is 01:50:11 but how do fuck? It took me weeks to figure it out. And I used to watch all that shit. Did you? Yeah. Wow. It's funny that they had it over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:22 It's interesting, dude. And it's great that you have this incredible podcast. I mean, you've had the president on, and it's great that you're like just expanding the common mainstream media by just being a dude who talks to people. It's great, you know. Well, thanks, man. I appreciate that.

Starting point is 01:50:37 I've had the president on. I've had Ari Maddie on, too. And it's an honor. It's an honor. And the first Estonian that I know. So really cool. And, yeah, I would love to be welcome in your country someday. I mean, I know I am welcome there,

Starting point is 01:50:48 but I would love to go there sometime and visit in your home country. And yeah, do we got to get to catch up a little bit more. And yeah, thank you for your time. Congrats on all your success. You have dates coming up. I know it says comedy on state. It's, yeah, it's A-R-I-M-A-T-I-com.

Starting point is 01:51:02 That's on my dates. I keep adding them all the time. I'm on tour. Please come see me. Let's have some fun. For sure. Matt, have you been to La Jolla comedy store? Never.

Starting point is 01:51:11 Oh, that's my favorite. I'm shooting a special there. You are? Let's go! I'll never, but I heard it was so beautiful. It's just perfect. It's like there's no bullshit in there. They got Louie running on the piano over there.

Starting point is 01:51:22 If he's in there, let him cook in the beginning. He keeps just the energy in there. And they don't play rap music to me, and they play piano, right? Which I like because it sets the tone that what you're going to see here, sure, it might be messed up, but it's art, right? It's art. Whereas if you just, like, bumping some little way in or something,

Starting point is 01:51:38 which is still great, it just gives a different energy, right? So I love that they do that there. And, yeah, it's just like it's a pure thing. There's not, like, they got popcorn and stuff. They're not selling people fucking crumb overlays or whatever, a little fucking Lego, Lego, Legerama, and California people. You know who I really love? I love Floridians and I love California people. California people, they know exactly what I mean.

Starting point is 01:52:02 I don't mean L.A. Yeah. I mean California. San Diego. So much fun. Orange County, all that shit. They're fun people. They're the best, dude.

Starting point is 01:52:10 That's probably, oh, there's no better place to, like, to be on stage. Oh, and the ocean's right there, bro. I'm a big ocean guy. And that's what I really, it hurts me in Austin to live. I love Austin, but I'm a big ocean guy. You know what? If they could fucking get a little bit of the ocean somehow. Rogan's got money.

Starting point is 01:52:26 Ask him. Get us an ocean, Rogan. Yeah. I bet he could do something. Yeah, yeah. He could text somebody. You gotta text somebody. Elon could get a straight of something to pull in there.

Starting point is 01:52:36 Every time the security line is too long at the airport, I go, where's the airport? Yeah. Yeah, help us out. This is your mother ship airport, dude. He could fucking buy Spirit Airlines. Somebody said he might do it. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:47 That was crazy. Just for comics. Ari Maddie, thanks so much, brother. Thank you, Theo. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone that ground. I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.

This Past Weekend - #659 - Ari Matti

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