This Past Weekend - Bobby Lee 3 | This Past Weekend #256

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_    Bobby Lee https://instagram.com/bobbyleelive  ----------------------------------------------------------- This episode brought to you by…   Betterhelp Visit https://BetterHelp.com/Theo for 10% off your first month   Skillshare Visit https://skillshare.com/theovon for 2 months of unlimited classes   ----------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis -----------------------------------------------------------   Music   “Shine” - Bishop Gunn  http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn    -----------------------------------------------------------   Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon  Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Ashley M Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Christopher Becking Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue David Christopher Dentist the menace Devin James Cornwell Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L Kaylyn Dudich Kenton call Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vincent Gil Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's guest is a small hero of sorts He's the kind of boy man That uh, that sometimes you just imagine is just scurrying through your garden and stealing squashes are stealing a Couple Karats, you know it He is part of the tiger belly podcast He he's the tiger with the belly Comedian actor

Um effervescent human mr. Bobby Lee Oh That little curry squirrel himself boy, what's up, Bucca? You know what bro? Papa needs an apology. I think he does yeah, because you start a war with papa right now on the streets People call me Theo Wong. Oh, yeah, they do yeah everywhere. I go. I want to say something about hair. They call you a delivery But let me tell you something bro, yeah, you've been the non bro, huh? I have been you've been right. Yeah They've been doing this haircut for years. You see platoon Pull pot they all did this shit Ho Chi Minh bra. Mm-hmm. So what I'm saying is that I didn't steal it from you

I stole it from the greats from wait, but here's the thing bro You coming in to you know the world we live in brother. There's only so many types of styles. Everybody has a style, right? You know everybody has a like Chris Dalia has that kind of like Rick Springsfield kind of kind of concrete ballerina Yeah, yeah, you got your boy slick red over there fucking. Oh that freak. Yeah. Yeah He's got well red heads can't do nothing that ganger, bro Yeah, they can do two things the one he has and then the Ron Howard. Yeah, he's got that right You got to go bald to do right Right, but let's say something to you my friend. Yeah, say something we've been waiting for decades to hear whatever

Beaver, right? Yeah, you know the beaver who Justin Bieber. No Franklin beaver. Yeah, you know Frankie No Justin Bieber, bro JB. Yeah JB dude. Remember his haircut. They always said that's the Bieber cut right that Bowl cross over, you know a comb over but the Chinese been doing that for 2,000 years, bro You can't just call the beaver out of nowhere. So what I'm saying is the mullet ain't Theo Vaughn. It's just a mullet But here's the thing, bro. It's not a mullet. Okay, it is a display of your heart It's a display of your ambiance, bro It's a display of your frickin virility and your possibility. Yeah, you know, it's that fucking Bro, it's that three inch baby cape. Yeah, bro. You got to let that thing dangle, brother

Right. Do you feel better with it? You must feel more empowered. I feel much more empowered. I feel like I can bang Southern chicks better. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can definitely run out of gas Yeah, I just feel like I can go to a trailer. Oh, yeah, right and just rip up the holes You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, whether it be, you know a pillow or a woman. It doesn't matter Oh some reverse drama. Right. Yeah, just ta ta anything, you know like that But my point is is that maybe you're right. Maybe I did it because you're so you're you know, I admire you It's hard to say. What? That I admire you. Oh, dude. Oh, yeah I admire her. I admire you. You know, bro, you're making it one word. I understand that

But here's the thing some people you come with a certain style you get then people are gonna say you a certain thing You know, right? You cornrow your pussy hair people gonna say you're Tiffany Haddish You know, you shave off all your body hair Right. You eat elk people gonna say you're Joey Rhodes, right? If you see a fat fro. Yeah, Eric Griffin Yeah, you're right griffin with a little fucking you probably bedazzles it that's complaining a lot man. He complains a lot Ah, bro. Oh Bro, I love him but That fat fuck he is he still fatter. I don't think so, but that's not really fat

It's just the sickle cell anemia in your body. You know, I mean that's causing the way they used to have an urban show Oh Sickle cell Saturday, I remember and it was a where urban comedy Where Memphis? Oh really sickle cell Saturday. Yeah. Wow in Memphis, man. You do good in front of black people. I don't mind I mean black people don't do black people support that much that many white things though Do they support any white entertainment? Yeah, I mean, I just played Irvine and I had one black per show That Irvine's hard that guy comes to my show. Yeah, yeah, Steve Yeah, Steve. Yeah, Steve Smith. Yeah, he was adopted. So Steve was there at my shows at Irvine every show

Oh, yeah, yeah, but whenever I see a groups of black African-american, what do you call it black? I say black friends are urban gentlemen. Yeah Or the first 48 that's But when they come I get really excited you do yeah, because it's like, you know, I'm reaching You know, I like to reach everybody. I know I do gookie jokes on you know on stage I don't think you do man. Thanks. You've been doing a lot of new stuff So, you know, because I have to do a special. I think eventually here. Oh, yeah So many fuck like new haircut new special. Yeah, bro

I want to um, but do you think that but I feel like white people support a ton of black entertainment? They do I don't feel like black that that that there's the same as the reverse way Do you feel that way? Well, you know, you have different kinds of blacks, right? You have the ones that are like algeria, no Nigeria or Gerard Carmichael E Yeah, yeah, yeah, the thinking black. Okay, they can beat you in chess at any moment, right? Right, right, but then you got the Aaron Hernandez people that hung out with her Aaron Hernandez. Yeah, those types Oh, yeah, I don't hide the truck for them. Nicker and yeah, yeah, yeah, right, but um, Nicker and Tater or whatever that boy's name Yeah, so I can't read I can't reach them, right? I love them. You can't get that urban urban audience

Yeah, I want my gaps audience. Yeah, the Gary Owen audience. Yeah You know, so, you know, I want to I you know, I get a lot Do you think though overall? I mean in you also do what's what's it like our black people and Getting along you getting away. No, why your face is chunky. Oh, I'll probably have to pop a few zits Um, do you feel I'm serious, bro. I need to get some. Yeah, but you see I see your cheeks. It's good. Really? Yeah, you felt you look gone earlier like a couple of months ago. He died from AIDS or something Oh, no, yeah, but then he got he got you know, what kind of AIDS Bud AIDS? No, Freddie Mercury AIDS the good kind. Oh singing I'll take singing AIDS any day. What was your question about the um, how do our black people and Asian people getting along?

What's going on there? I'm not getting what are you talking about? I'm just seeing I'll tell you the history of it. Okay, okay? For many many years Asians would open up liquor stores in urban areas, right? And then like, you know, accuse them of shit Accusing with the Asians would accuse the black people of shit of what like taking now and later this Yeah, or like, you know, no browsing. Oh, yeah, and you touch you by oh that kind of shit It's like bitch. I want to pick up my handy my candy bar and read look at the fucking, you know Calorie counting shit. Yeah, right. So they would do that black people and they would go you touch you by or You browse in liquor store. You don't just go in and go go right to the kid cats. Yeah, right?

Maybe I want to look at the fucking, you know, uh, you know that the coconut Coconut juice right right coconut milk or oh, right lemon. Yeah, right. So then what happened was um They were doing all that shit because I go to this Korean spa and before they wouldn't even let black people in there But then what happened was bro the riots and Then the rock and then the black people burned The liquor stores now. Yeah, why just because why would you burn all the liquor? I don't know, bro. They can be they're flammable. Yeah, but still why would you burn? I don't know, but they did. You know what I mean? They burn it down to the ground

But dude, tell me if you guys are getting along. I'm gonna get to the history. So this is what's happening in it No, no, no, no. So then what happened was dude, then you know after that um, korean softened Right and then after that right rush hour Came out. Yeah, and then that we can solve crimes together now Jackie Chan Jackie brown Right, right, right. We can like, you know, we don't understand each other. We're in the cop car But we can still solve the shit. Oh shoot thing. Yeah. Yeah

I don't know me, you know, man. Yeah, right. Don't worry, motherfucker. Yeah All that stuff. So then after that everything's cool now. I like that. Yeah, you like that now somebody said that um, a black friend told me that Uh, chinese people are like the black people of asia. Is that true or is that what is that? Have you ever heard that? Do you just say chinese people Are the black people of asia? Yeah Yeah, aside from the fact they don't have black dicks

chinese don't Bro, who's going who's got that large meat on the asian side? Oh, filipinos for sure Right because they're mixed in with like Yeah, dude, because the spanish because they were like invaded so much occupy, bro That like you know, you get invaded enough you'll get outvaded a little right the spanish In the filipino hole, you know how babies are made. Oh, yeah, right and they squirt inside right and then And then thud the black dick Right, so, you know, they were colonized places that are colonized are mixed in with shit

I wish black african nations colonized more. Yeah, because maybe I'd have a bigger dick if the if the black people They do a little bit. They have the barclays center. Oh, if you've seen that He's definitely getting hella urban No, but I just I've never had I've never had the ability to ask someone who's asian or semi asian What it's like to have like what that relationship is like between black and asian people Yeah, I mean, you know, that it's more hostile between asians and asians, bro. Really? Yeah, I mean because my dad growing up he gave me a list of um The best an r.i.p. Your dad man. You're dead. Oh, yeah, thanks, man

But he used to give me the list of the best ethnicities from best to worst Right, so it went Um, number one was korean because that's what we are Number two it went japanese and jays, huh number three was like cockroach Right, then four was white Oh, right five was snakes. Oh, no, bro. That's real six donkey seven mexicans Right, but out of he made a list of a hundred black people weren't even on the list Yeah, they weren't even on the list, bro

I'm racist and this is right. I know but i'm i'm not i'm my list is blacks number one brah Yeah, right, so it's alan iverson right alan iverson number one nasex Nasex number two regular nase regular nase, right? Um big kim. Oh, not little kim, but big kim. She was always big kim Yeah, yeah Yeah, but um, no because that's you so my dad Comes from a generation of korean dudes and they had beef with black people Well, their number one beef ultimately though was with um japanese and now, you know, wow because they They tortured us for 50 60 years. No way. Yeah, really? Oh bro. My dad used to tell me some stories that will fuck your mind

I'm sorry about that. I didn't do it. No, i'm just sorry that it happened. I feel bad that uh Yeah, I didn't know that happened. What do you mean? I didn't know that my history, huh? You know what's the most fucked up thing bro? So the jab bro, so the japanese, right? Yeah, occupy korea for all that time. The japanese are very sneaky, huh? Oh, they're the sneakiest pearl harbor, bro. Yeah, right. They were sleeping that you know, I mean We're asleep. Oh sleep is sleeping Right Yeah, right. They did all that. Oh, they're sneaky little fuck. You know what I call them sneaky chopsticks

Yeah, they're little sneaky chopsticks, bro. Man, but they make good ninjas. That's why they do, huh? Yeah, but I guess because they have so much sneak in them. They that's right, right? And because I don't know why they're where the masks Yeah, why because you know, they all look the same, right? Right, you're not gonna. You're not gonna see a tree with a ninja on and go with no mask and go Hey, is that frank amamoto? You know, you're gonna go no ninja or whatever right as a guy. Yeah, dude So here's the thing so okay, so the japanese occupy korea for um 50 60 years. Oh my god, really go over there and they would take I swear to the fucking god

They would take all their rice. Oh, and that's our favorite. Yeah, don't take our rice It's like going to it italy and taking their pasta. Yeah, barring your salt becoming a bar in my salt Yeah, right. So then what happened was a lot of korean families They went to japan They took their family right back no to go where the food was Oh, but then there was a lot of korean families when hiroshima and nagasaki fell, bro So they all died too. So imagine that bro You're right. I can imagine. Yeah, we're at we're we're finally we found the rice and they look up in the sky. Holy fuck

Yeah, it's grilled rice tonight Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we got super fried So but now everything's pretty good between asian cultures or what is it like right now? I think no, I think people are like, you know, I used to say certain things back in the day I got in a lot of trouble, bro The one thing I said I said one time 15 years ago that the vietnamese were jungle asians. That's all I said jays they call them Yeah, pull up a jay. See what happens. But then what happened was dude. I had to go to every

vietnamese news outlet and do apologies Oh, really? Yeah, because it's like not right. I don't know what I don't know why jungle asian is bad I think it sounds like the best kind like, you know, they're the best kind by the way It's gonna be fun, man. Yeah, that's the thing. No, but like here's the thing racism if you're actually racist where you're out throwing like a Like a like a lance at somebody or you're you know Opening up their door and sneak, you know, a sword and their freaking grandparents and shit Right, no way, but if you're just mildly racist passing through town, dude Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not racism. There's a certain level of like

Hey, it's okay to like joke around about stuff. Yeah to your friends Yeah, you can't like, you know the other day I was with um What's that little black little midget black guy that uh, he was in the chappelle show Oh, I know you're talking about donna ronald. Donna ronald. Yeah, the little dwarf The little dwarf he's getting taller though. Anybody's he four eleven? He's five two. Yeah. No, but he was four seven He's so lovely. Yeah. So we sprinkle water on him. He grows, right? But that little midget um black guy, right? Donnell. We were hanging out and I said, um Hey little man, right because he was really loud. Yeah, right, you know, because he hangs up with brad williams

Oh, yeah, all those little tribes, you know, and I go, hey little man And he was loud and I go we ain't in a movie theater And we all laugh or whatever, right? It's a stereotype. Yeah, you know, but you can't go up to some Random black dude in a restaurant and say that. Yeah, quiet down in here. You know, yeah, this ain't bridges of madison county Right. Yeah, which black people love. They love that movie. They do. Yeah, do marlin wayans his favorite movie What bridges of madison county in his second favorite is dr. Javago bro. Really? He loves epic romantic movies russian. Yeah But my point is is that yeah, what is it what I'm I'm trying to follow you're following me bro. What I'm saying though is that

We got in so fucking sensitive in our society, right? And it's like You know, I gauge it based on because I have a lot of black friends white dudes like you, you know You delete, you know, tentino Um, I have a lot of asian friends and we all amongst each other You know, you guys say the most racist shit to me and I laugh because it's out of pure love Yeah, right and they've been doing that Back in the day, you know, I mean, I bet you back in india Or or like south north south africa when indians were there and all the people from morocco

And they were they would make fun of each other. Yeah friends ride. They're having fun And and it's like we cannot you know nowadays You know, you can't body shame or nothing I think you can lightly body shame. I think here's somebody right here as a question, man And this is a young man. It looks like listening. Was he listening in or no, huh? No, but it's uh, very related. Okay. Go ahead Hey guys, um All my groups of friends are quite similar to your to to yours In terms of we we always make fun of each other. We tease each other. We're very close, but there's always teasing going around

Um, but there are certain topics that are of limits for jokes, you know, like dead relatives Um, so we don't really joke about that kind of stuff So I was kind of wondering whether your groups of friends, you know, are there any topics that are off limits? in terms of jokes Um, and yeah, are there any topics you basically stay away from? When you do joke around Thanks gang gang brother gang gang brother. What's what's gang gang gang means? It just means that we're together as a group and that we are

We're all good. Okay. Good. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, man. Uh, first of all that guy has an accent and I want to say this Bobby, I want to this is on behalf of a couple of different nations that I went to recently There is people that are really wanting to see you in Other countries. No. Yeah. I was just saying no, I agree with you. Bobby D I'm just saying no the number one person they asked for Bobby, I got that. I'm gonna tell you something right now. All right, bro They all wanted it, bro. Give us Bobby Yeah, but here's the thing my fear is is that I'm gonna go you're gonna you're gonna say go to Germany

I go there three people show up. You know me and then you're gonna be laughing here in LA I don't trust it. I need the science and the data, bro. I am the data, bro I come I come bearing data. They want you, Bobby. There's people coming up to me in scotland like So, who do I call who do I call Conor McGregor? Who the fuck do I call? Yeah, call Conor. Yeah, call Darren Till call the embassy, dude. Yeah. Call Cezwan Jack or wherever you're freaking PA guy You'll help me out with that or no, bro. They will want you. I'm not joking. Everybody's like, where's Bobby? Send him over telling me love. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. The most requested. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'll go Back to this the fuck though. Okay. Yeah, this beautiful guy. He's from another country

Right could be anywhere. I see here's the thing to me to me. I do Yeah, I don't like I just said it that way and that's him right there Is that they got from a lord of the stones or whatever? What is it called lord of the dance? No, that's the dude from bleachers. He's a lead singer lord of the lives lord of the no, uh, uh Harry Potter Harry no Lord of the uh Rings rinks lord of the rings. Yes. Lord of the rings, bro. That's a good one. They're right clear. They're right clear. Yes Lord of the rings

What does guy want to know? I'll tell you what he wants to know. Okay. Is anything off limits with your friends with our friends So here's the deal bro. You know, you know, how is molested by a guy with Down syndrome? Yeah, it is one of my favorite things about you honestly Because I can relate to it right but when if you could you make fun of me with that, you know, I'm open to it Correct, but you don't make fun of my dead dad because he just died right But how long after he's dead? Can you talk about next week? Oh, really? Do it next week, but dude you though, but do you feel like we use humor as a way for like Well, there's two things I want to talk about first of all, let's answer the let me answer the guy's question

Do we think that there's things that are off limits? I think calling some of the n word is off limits 100% Okay. Yeah, because it's like, um, there's nothing funny about it. And if you call a Jewish person a money n word I think that's yeah But I think Uighur is good. I think Uighur is good. So I'm gonna hit me up about Uighur the other day Yeah, I think Uighur is okay. I think it's okay. I think I think anything that you can call white people is okay Yeah, cracker is okay because you guys don't have a lot of fucking things we can call you I don't like redneck though. I think it's kind of offensive a little bit, but yeah, that may be a little But that's also it's not really my coat. It's not my that's not my coat your woke redneck

Yeah, I mean, I'm yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I just never really was in that, you know But that's not like that that you've been the Nash. I've been a Nash. I've been the south bro They're all fucking like us. They're just like it's just like us That's the thing nobody like the news always makes it like everybody's all like at each other's nobody's really like that Yeah, dude, you know what? I've been um, so searching, you know me because um, you know, I I automatically hate anybody That likes trump for instance. It's a real hot button issue for me. Is it really it used to be But I've been like kind of stepping back at it and go, you know, I don't know why people

I don't know. I've never been in their shoes. I don't know what their lives are like or what brought them to the point Where they like the guy they might see qualities that I'm just not aware of or whatnot And I'm gonna accept the fact that they're like that. Yeah, I mean and just you know, it is what it is It that doesn't necessarily mean that they're a bad person or that um You know, because a lot of them like I'll look and they'll go trump 2020 But then they'll have like they're really tender with animals. Yeah, right? So it's like it's not, you know It's not black and white for me now. No, it's not as black and white as people that we're thinking that that kind of stuff is Yeah, it's like, um, I know

Let me I know somebody on this wall Who I think is Gay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Let me look who it is. No, no, no. We're not doing that right now. Lisa. Yeah, that's him You know that but what I'm saying is oh, I know who it is, dude, right, right? So But you know, it's somebody that doesn't want to share that information. So and it's I don't I would never Bring it up or pro prod this woman Yeah, you know what I mean? So my point is is that and with you Bill Burr's wife. Yeah, that's it

Is it? Yeah full blown less Wow. Yeah, but my point is is that so you know instinctually Krista Stefano's daughter No, okay, go on No, are there things that you have thought about making fun of me about but you thought that I would be hurt by it No, I say those things like I'll sometimes I'll say dude. I'm gonna drop you off at every American Legion or every like Vfw around America, you know, yeah, yeah, and let's see those boys finish the war. Why right, right, right? You know, yeah that I kind of share ideas that I have with right and for me, dude

I ain't vietnamese right right. So I get that it's a joke, right? It's like, you know dice Andrew dice clay for 25 years. He called me Ching Yeah, right And one day I just like the sound or like an asian slur you think I don't know Ching I don't think Ching is great kind of right, right, but I one day he goes, you know my name, right? This is after 15 years. My name is Bobby. You know that, right? He goes. Yeah, what? And I go you but you call me Ching and he goes it's as chiching your money Right and so it's like it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like I know

I know where people's hearts at now if somebody called me Ching and they were hanging me by a rope Yeah on a tree or putting out a bunch of stuff to make a railroad Yeah, I mean Santino or fucking building shit. Yeah, yeah, Chingie or if Chingie, what if it was Chingie the rapper? That'd be fine Yeah, I mean, where's Chingie? I'll look it up. I have a question about it We were gonna do a segment on king and the sting where we people sent in their tattoos and they tell us about it And Brendan and Theo would roast it and we want to call it chink my ink. I did nothing to do with race Yeah, like find the chinks in my in my ink. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine because there's no asians there That's what I said. Yeah. So did you air it like that? No, there was some internal strife some people

A couple of people in the email chain kind of big but but but but but but but but but but check it out. Check it out The reason fucking check fucking check it out. The reason why I fucking yeah did podcasts to begin with Is to be free Right because the thing is is that I've done every aspect of show biz. Yeah, right skating. Do you ever do you ever did show skating? Did you You you know what I fucking mean by it Yeah, dude, dude spread your fingers farther apart if you're gonna talk to me. No, dude, but my point is I have carpal You do. Yeah, bro. I could easily see that. Yeah

Yeah, but my point is is that the reason why I fucking did a podcast is to be utterly free Yeah, right and so if we're now editing And listening to a board or groups of people going you can't say this and that Then we're not exercising is our right to say whatever we fucking want to bro Right, so it's like fuck that. Yeah, fuck that dude. What are you talking about again? What was it? Chink in the chink chink in the ink. Yeah. Yeah, my ink and where chingy is right now. Yeah and chingy. Yeah Yeah, my point is you get what I'm saying, right? Yeah, and you know what not to do. So the guy know, you know, what is that? Chingy right here. I've never heard of chingy. What is he?

He's saying right there Right there Oh, he's a cutie pie. He was a guy. I was given directions to somebody and they just put a beat to it I didn't even know what that joke was but it was funny right there Uh, I like it when you do that right there. He was good man. Chingy's good. Yeah, maybe he's been producing He's got a beautiful picture of his children there. Yeah, I don't do that's the thing. I don't I don't know much about The the rap game. Yeah, you know, I was I grew up listening to rock and roll and that was strictly that So I feel shame. I you know the other day somebody says you got to listen to the toro big big

The toro is big. Yeah, take Natara Take Natara and I listened to her album man. It was real fucking hip hop bro. It was good. The flavor was good streets No, like I was listening to the toro is big at big for the first time, you know, ever And I loved it. Yeah, right and I've been listening to like, um Ja rule, you know The guy that died That was friends with beak Beyonce. No, no Oh, I knew it is Shane Randolph. That's him, dude

Shane Randolph, dude that guy could throw down, right? I think I saw him one time. Um In concert not in person, but um, there's something I wanted to ask you about Bobby So What's up? Yeah, rolling in here with this fucking fake-ass haircut, dude. That shit's kind of weak, you know Bro Can you say something bro? Yeah, of course you're gonna say it. We what? I see just that's just something I say. I know you do

I know you're pretty sure you shifted on huh? I did shift. Yeah. Yeah. Why I did shift because you came in here Here's a question right here from somebody who's obviously from the past, dude From the 17 or 1800s, bro. This guy obviously. Oh, she he's from the revenant, bro. Yeah, his name is grimy gruzz gang Yo, Theo, you know what this fucking guy show up with a mullet On your show the fuck it's up with that, dude Oh, listen, why don't you ask him while he's there when he's gonna come through and do a show on the rotten apple Get Bobby down in New York. It'll be greatly appreciated

I hope you guys do keep it up. Gang. Gang, bro. I will say this big j. Ocreston is taking much better care of himself these days I will Easily say that. Yeah, dude, when you're gonna go places, man, what is your fear of going places? They want you in Europe. You're like, I don't know man something. I'm in an ant hill This guy wants you. Yeah, fuck that guy though. I bought a boom bought a big guy man. I'm gonna fuck about that guy Look at his lips, bro. They're so luscious. Yeah, that guy's a legend, bro. Yeah, he takes care of his skin Oh, if he was a woman, I would eat his pussy. Look at that lose lips So juicy

My point is this dude. I I don't go because I have a nice head. I don't go bro Where i'm not wanted, but you're wanted Bobby one guy, bro From one guy. Let me say this dude. I when I was in new york four week four months years ago. Yeah, I played Wow, bro. Goto Gotham Get your calendar, right? Did you buy a cheap calendar from someone? No, bro four years ago I went to Gotham. You're like, I was there four men four of George Foreman I want to say this and I did Five shows there. Mm-hmm the fucking third show six people showed up. Yeah, right?

So I'm not gonna go there and humiliate myself. They want you in Ireland, bro They want you in london. They want you in afghanistan. They want you in katar. They want you They do they want you in Cairo, brother. How about this friend? I will go to these places. Okay, but the consequences if no one shows up It's gonna be very deep for you, bro. Bring it on, dude. No, dude. I'm being real, dude They're already look dude. You're over there. You got my haircut. Just take it man. This ain't forever, bro You want the studio? Take it man. This ain't you know what my next one is gonna be bro. What dreadlocks friend Is it? Yeah, dude. I love that. I'm gonna do a dreadlock thing, you know

I'm gonna look like you black out. Yeah. Yeah, man. I could see you blacking up a little. Yeah, dude Um, what's going on with the uh, with the old lady? How's everything good? Why you asking cuz she's beautiful lady I just thought I would ask you there's a question right here from somebody who looks like they've been home alone a lot Oh, I love incels What up, Theo? What up, Bobby? Yeah, yeah company from the great white north With Canada gang gang, Bob this question's for Bobby. What uh, is the most Unforgivable thing you've ever done

Oh gang gang gang. This is gonna be good. I I might get I might get um I can't say it you get cancelled No, I think this the one unforgivable thing that I've done. There was retribution I did suffer the consequences of it But um, it's a pretty long story. But um, I don't know if I can tell it because when I told it one time They had to cut it out You know, it's not illegal But it's it's

Is it like brad williams's story? Which one that he told on the burton bill burpochett. What did he do? He got at the end of the rainbow and crazy over he was in with jerald. What's his name? He was like in a bad sleepover with uh Uh Not Carlos mincea Oh, no, no, no, mine's way worse, bro. Okay. Um, wow. All right. You know what? Maybe I could tell it without the details What?

You wanted or not without the details you wanted or not, dude. It's on my terms, bro Without the details, bro. I'll take it then. Oh, yeah, that's brad. He apologized for that. What do you do? Hello everyone He just read it. He did what is known in some circles as the david blaine Uh, yeah, he's apparently he said on a podcast. He made up a story on a podcast getting high with dug on getting high with dug that he had that he had gone into Uh, he was working on a tour with carlos mincea and he went in and there was a girl who was going to hook up with carlos on the bus and instead

Carlos sent brad in and brad went in and had sex with the girl Yeah, and for like 10 minutes. She didn't know that it was brad. She thought it was carlos And she also sucked the bus drivers Off to get on the bus allegedly Yeah, she gave him the fake story But did he did he say the name of the woman this fake woman? No, so how is that in trouble? Well, if it just people and then eddie ift goes well, that's like technically rape You know, if you go in and you have sex with somebody that doesn't know you're gonna have sex with them, you know

So then it became like a stink. Yeah Well, first of all, no one's gonna believe that story right when you when you go back to me saying I I was like princess lia and I was in space and I was able to fly around right when you go back and watch the story it's I believe it's obvious to any viewer Or listener that oh, he's making this up Especially when you visually watch it and the question was name something crazy that happened when you were on the road with carlos mancia

So he was like searching then. Yeah, right. So he made something up because he was under pressure Yeah, I've done that before. Oh, you can see him do it. Yeah, you can see him be like I don't know what to tell and then he made up the story. It definitely seemed made up But people like tripped on him for it. Really? Yeah Well, then let me try to Approach this story delicately. Okay. Okay Growing up. I was un-fuckable. Mm-hmm. Right. I was I grew up in a play a poway high school

You grew up in a beautiful area of san diega. I did. Okay. Yeah, but a lot of white people women didn't like why weren't you in vietnam? Why weren't you somewhere? why weren't you closer to the fucking Locust fuck you dude, you know why bro. It's like saying how to to a black guy. How come you weren't in Nigeria? I just was born here Okay, I don't have no fucking choice. Okay, dude. No, I don't you know, I don't have no fucking. I'm sorry I have no fucking choice Robert. No, I didn't know if you guys they come over for something or if you were on like a

Foreign exchange thing. I don't know dude. Oh, dude Out my pain. I was born, you know out of my mom's Puzz yeah, yeah, right and I would and I it happened to happen in sharp hospital in san diego Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah America's sis and yeah. Yeah all day every day. Yeah, that's what that's what they do So growing up in that environment, dude, and I was a horn dog. You know, I mean, I like to stick my Dick in trees. Were you really? Yeah, I would work against tree out there. I would come on things Make it grow. I could see that. Yeah, like trees and flowers and we get that thing inside of you that wants to get out

Right. And when I was in high school, there was this thing called the Sadie Hawkins dance. No one ever asked me Oh, yeah, so then I and I graduated and I just had coffee shop jobs You're no money. I could see you with a broom in a coffee shop Yeah, you know, I made coffee too as well. Yeah, you know, I mean sure after you've been there for a couple months But yeah, yeah, but just not I could see you with the broom in the beginning. Yeah in the beginning. I clean shit Yeah, yeah, by the end you're like the coffee guy. Yeah, no coffee for you Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what happened was um, I worked at this restaurant. Oh, yeah Yeah, as a waiter, bro. I started off as a broom guy. Yeah, and then I got up became a waiter, bro

And every Wednesdays it was Tijuana Wednesdays You know what that means? Uh-uh Mexican. No, no dude all the waiters We take our tip money and go to Adelita You know what Adelita is it's for a prostitute. It's a prostitute. It's a it's a brothel in Tijuana still exists Very fine man. It goes there all the time. I think he does. Yeah. Yeah. He has he has actually is a poster on his wall from there It's crazy. I used to have a gift shop. They must people love it there. Right. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah And so do people ever think that do do dumb people ever think that you're Mexican? Anyway, uh

That's ridiculous, bro. Yes Which was because I was on mad tv, but which one is it? It's ridiculous or the answer is yes Yes, I they do think I'm next. Yeah easily. Yeah I could easily see somebody if you're driving by in a truck or something. You're going at least 35 miles an hour I'm like, oh, there's a Mexican guy and I rolled down my window and go you go raiders I do that right? Hey, bro. What's happening? Dude, you would be a good Mexican. Hey, dude. What's happening? So anywhere bra, right? I one day went there with my crew

Mm-hmm my way to crew and all this military was there. So all the women were taking up. Oh, yeah Yeah, military dudes are around. You got to really chill out. All right Fuck This is gonna be a hard story to tell man. I don't know if I can get around it I'll try you want me to try. Yeah, I'll tell you one. I'll tell one after that All right, how about this though? If I say this story and you think Honestly, if you think this is gonna ruin me, will you cut it out? Yes, I will you promise me? Yes

Why'd you roll your eyes, bra? I didn't I was looking around the room really fast Right. So these are things that I don't know for a fact, but In back of Adelida there used to be an alleyway hooker alley. Oh, yeah And so there used to be girls that were too fat to go into Adelida. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow or women that like Are virgins. Oh, okay newbies newbies, right? So there was this uh, I was walking prime, huh, right? So, um I was walking down hooker alley and there was a girl for what to get a girl. Oh, okay. Yeah Yeah, I didn't know if you're not us or anything. Okay. I just know if you were just wandering around

You know, no, no, I know I was like and when you walked out hooker alley because I'm some of the really old Mm-hmm. They'll go, you know, mister They'll grab you. They go, mister, mister, mister. Let me see the cookie, right? And then you go you go Don't touch me. I'm an american like that. Oh, damn. Yeah, I will do that, right? Hey, mister. Let me see that little Yellow baby. Yeah, uh, but at the end there was this girl a little pee pee. Yeah. There was a girl that she seemed scared Yeah, that's the one I wanted. Oh Why was it halloween or something? Yeah, man, I was wearing my chupacabra mask And I like that, right?

But uh, she seemed scared, bro. Damn. So I picked her you did. Yeah, yeah Because you have to now look at the context of it. I never get laid. Right. This is the only way I can get laid This is in 1992 93 Long time ago. Oh, wow. Long time. A lot of people listening right wasn't even born yet Yeah, a lot of people would and this is a different time. This is a time when prostitution was king really Right, right, right. They were the king, right? So, um, I took her to this place called miami hotel It's the kind of place you ever see the movie seven No, uh, is it like a double tree?

Yeah, yeah, it's actually a movie about the double tree, bro. I've stated it. No, no, I know seven's about Brad Pitt. Yeah, yeah But it's it's grimy. It's got you know, it's got those, you know, those yellow things that stick down the sticky stuff They catch the flies. Oh, yeah, right. And yeah, it's got all those like pine cone air fresheners on the ceilings dangling down The floor was super sticky. Yeah, right in dark And there was like a bulletproof glass And and they go you want a rule and you go yeah, how much 10 dollars, bro 10 dollars You get 10 dollars. You don't have a door on it or not. There's no door. You don't know how they get in there How much for a door?

Dude, I remember they used to have a motel bus and you would pay it was probably maybe set 16 dollars for the room And it was two dollars for the door Really? Yeah, and you had to get the door you could bring your own door But it's the odds of it fitting and they would purposely make it a different shape a little bit like an inch off from like a basic door You know from your basic Like thoroughfare template, you know, this is so this is shameful. So we go in there and they give you a condom And are they give you a condom? Yeah, but it's like Tijuana condom, right? So it's gum, right? Right, they chew gum. So it's just some guy standing there like

It's like a crossing guard like right. No, no, no, so then you know, I um We go into dark room I stick and how's the woman feeling is she what is she wearing? Is she I don't really remember what she's wearing I think she was wearing like a Um, hello kitty shirt. You know what I mean? Oh, well then that's I'm not saying that that's sexually suggestive Yeah, but first of all why for kids you can't put them in something called hello kitty She's not expect perverts to show up. This is not a kid man. This is an adult. Good Good

This is an adult. So don't say kid I didn't You in the beginning Nick Do you think he it sounded like he was talking about a kid or an adult who? I think he said girl, which is ambiguous, but okay woman. I'm glad you're a grown woman, bro. Good You get get me. Oh, it's all I get. Okay. Good. Okay. So then um, I stick the condom on And we make you know pure love. Okay

But then what happened was and what style? I mean, are you guys kind of in a basic style? I'm grooving with it. Cool as a cat. Okay any music on or is it in my head? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow Or you know what another one is like um, Richie Valens, huh? Yeah the english part of fleece navidad. Oh, yeah Yeah, I want to wish you a merry christmas. You know, I mean, I don't do the fleece navidad part in my head Yeah, yeah, that's a great song by the way, bobby the best christmas tune on planet earth Really, you think that yeah, because it's for two different cultures and I like the inclusion I like vince vance and the valiance they make a they have a beautiful really really good

So then you know, I'm making sweet love to her And there's so now there's a crack in the window when so the curtains is closed But the moon is bright that oh, right? So it's shining through this crack the new year anything Is it like the chinese new year? Yeah You're right So the crack and you see the light it hits her face And I look at her face and she's crying. Oh It's not bubbles the whole thing. Ah, yeah

So I feel bad, you know, I'm a good guy, right? I feel bad. So I do what any good guy would do. I start power fucking her What? Really? Yeah So because I want to get it over with oh, I see so you start more just Having sex at a higher rate Is that power you could say it that way. I say nobody's ever looked at you and been like, oh, yeah that guy power Okay Bro, you seem like a guy that has that more like mousetrap fucks like one

Yeah, yeah, yeah So then I just I come real quick. I put my clothes back on I run out. I don't even say goodbye Okay, so that's part one The second part of the story I call god's revenge. Oh, wow Wow, you want to hear you want to hear god's revenge? We do right after this commercial break Oh, hey to interrupt this episode man. I'm really enjoying my time here with little robert But I've got to tell you that better help Is a place that can help people like me and people like little robert better help will assess your needs and match you

With a licensed professional therapist If you uh, you don't want to you don't want to park in the parking lot of a therapist You don't want you're afraid of who you might see in the hallway You're afraid maybe of a spouse or or of a brother or young visitor Knowing that you are getting help for yourself Then better help may be an option for you Better help allows you to

Contact a therapist and get timely and thoughtful responses Through weekly video or phone sessions. So you won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room as with traditional therapy Better help wants you to start living a happier life today It's available to clients worldwide. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online And right now you can visit betterhelp.com slash theo. That's b e t t e r h e l p And join the over 500 000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional Special offer this past weekend listeners get 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com slash theo

That's 10 off your first month Of help for yourself at betterhelp.com slash Theo I've uh, I've pulled over in my car and gotten on real time uh face time And had a conversation with a therapist through better help Um, it is there when you need it betterhelp.com slash theo and now back to the episode Hey there today's episode is brought to you by something. I like to tell you about and that thing is skill share Everybody, you know, you don't have you're looking for something you can't find it and that's because you don't have the skill to find things you might be wanting to

uh, do a kite or do baseball or do Make cement and do outdoor Sidewalking, but you can't do it because you don't know how to Do well skill share is a place for skills Make 2020 a year where you explore new skills Or deepen existing passions get lost in creativity all with skill shares online classes What you find just might surprise and inspire you I'm personally taking simon cynics how to share ideas that inspire

Action skill share offers classes designed for real life. So you can move your creative journey forward without putting your life on hold You can log on and take the classes whenever you want at your own pace All you have to have is some commitment to your own program You can take classes in film and video music and music production productivity and finance Explore your creativity at skillshare.com slash the ovan right now and get two free months of premium membership That's two months free at skillshare.com

slash the ovan Explore your creativity at skillshare.com slash the ovan two free months. See what skills they have And we're back for it Sorry, I just I've never done that before but I thought I was really fancy. I was really fancy. You nailed it. You nailed it Bro, what are you doing down there? Why did you go down there? What to the brotha? Why are you in this bobby because the thing is is that I can't get women back then this is way before I did stand up Well, what about steve is he have women? Oh, no, he's in cell two friend Right my brother little brother, but you know, he got more than I did

What about those mom is she letting y'all come over to even to spend time at the house or anything? Like you guys aren't even getting any kind of tlc or anything. No, nothing bra nothing What? Yeah, dude. It was hard But dude it This is the event the second part of the story is the event of what drove me into doing stand up really Okay So I go back down there. Do you remember her name? No, bro. I don't even know what she looks like, bro. Jesus. What? No, I don't know her name like I'm the bad guy. Yeah, because I care a little bit. Let's give her a name

Okay, stacy. Yeah, so stacy. Yeah, so stacy. I go to find stacy again two weeks later So you had a nice time I just like stacy. Okay, right. I thought we had a thing going I thought you said you were she was disappointed. She was okay Okay, so take me to this Bobby. So I go to I go I go to hooker alley and there's no one there Oh, I don't know what happened. What was it? Was it a holiday? You made martin luther king day I mean, was it a holiday? Was there an I don't fucking remember bro. This is no one there that day, bro

What are you paying attention here in life? I don't know. Maybe it was a tamale festival a mile down. I don't know, bro You're driving three hours to Mexico. You don't know if it's a holiday. No, I'm in San Diego at the time Oh, yeah, so it's a 20 minute drive. See if it even doesn't stand up yet. No Wow, I just said that what age are you? 21 20 21, okay But at the end of hooker alley is this redheaded

Albino not kidding you dwarf hispanic kid Hold on a second. Let me add all these things up. Yeah redneck albino redheaded. Sorry redheaded albino Now warf not kidding you bro. It's right from a david lynch movie, bro dwarf hispanic Albino. Yeah, wow and he goes Hey You want some boosties? Wow more than one. Yeah, I go. Wow. He said a plural So I go. Yeah, I like boosties

You so good boost. Yeah, follow me So I follow this fucking guy how long do you take to follow small guys if you follow a small guy, dude It takes twice as long. Exactly. So it was three blocks. So, um, it took seven hours Bro, I don't laugh after one block. I don't why don't you just tell me where to go? And I'll get there. All right, you know, it's not to be rude. He goes This is my friend Raul. So we meet this other dude and he's like six two Oh, yeah, skinny tats to his wrist. He looks scary, bro And he's wearing like an like a weird black overcoat thing and is he spanish as well? Yeah, he's mexican

Okay, you like a boosties. He said oh same thing. He knows they both know each other. Yeah, they know each other follow me So I follow these fucking guys 12 block. I'm not kidding you But he gets to the point where there's no more street lights tumbleweed three-legged dogs walking around and I'm now going I think I'm in trouble, which I was I was in big trouble Oh, so he sees this gate. We see this gate And it is through here So he opens the gate and did it seem was there any art outside? Was there any like thing where it's like, oh

This is like a shepherd fairy painting on the wall. What the fuck you're talking about anything that legally there's women there So you see no nothing nothing. Okay, nothing nice So as soon as he I walked through this alleyway the little man just takes off running. Oh my god And I go where the fuck and then by the time that thought happens now I'm up against the wall And this dude because this guy put this tall guy pushed me against the wall and he takes out a fucking machete And he sticks against my throat He goes give me your money

So then I go okay, you know for the for sex or not No, bro, okay. Well, you're not giving us any yeah, you it's assumptions, bro They're gonna be no pussy. I know. Okay. There's no boozies. Okay. Okay. There's no boozies. Okay, so right So that was a red herring So there's no fish there. So the truth is though this man wants to be a robber That's what he is. He's a criminal. Oh my god. So then he sticks the so I give him the money, bro I had like 250 bucks. Oh, yeah. Well, I had a lot of money back then. Well, I had just 250 dollars in 1995 Nick, were you looked at up please?

You guys want to keep Okay, so the guy has you against the wall is the knife knife So he so he he has a knife right and he pulls the money and he sticks my wallet It throws on it was I remember distinctly remember there's a puddle Where my wallet was And I'm thinking oh good. I give him the money. I'm just gonna leave. Mm-hmm. No, dude He grabs my hair And he sticks the fucking machete to my throat and he perceives the cut scary. No, uh, yeah

He cut your throat. No, right when I feel the sharp blade like him pushing in I hear two other voices Down this alleyway and now is that the checks or not? No, there's no pussy, bro. Okay. Okay. It was hopeful It was plus 419 dollars and 39 cents. You gave the guy. Okay so I give 419 a lot of money right, but I also worked at a really nice restaurant. Oh, yeah, that makes sense then It's nothing take that out anyway

But my point is so then these two other dudes, right? Yeah They go and they're with now the dwarf showed up back up He was there too with these guys and they're fighting. No, what are they fighting about that you we want a piece of the money I sort of denaro, whatever, right? This is our alleyway. What the fuck are you doing? We want some of that money And what is it? What are you thinking about escaping like what do you know? I of course bro? No, I want to have tea Yeah, yeah, no, I so as soon as he the guy releases me I go down. I'm a little and also back then I was you fat like you were hurt. Do you fake? No, no No, no, I dude at that time. I was skinny and fast. Yeah, right

So I grabbed the wallet and I start running and the all four of them start chasing after me Now I'm running like Carl Lewis through these streets, bro And were you pretty fast or not you're pretty fast then then I was and also your adrenaline and your life is at stake, dude I mean trust me, dude Something came over me, dude. I was zipping but they were fast as fuck pro too Right and they're chasing me through zigzagging through all these streets. Just imagine going through these corners, right? Running and then I see this corner. There's cement everywhere sometimes in Mexico You're in a weird area. There's like suddenly there's a piece of cement like what the fuck right, right a lot of pothole

Yeah, difficult to run, right? Yeah, but then I see in this corner this pink awning With a neon sign blinking And I go that's a business something and I run toward it and then the lord presented himself to me 30 black marines Walk out of this fucking bar And I run toward them. I'm in America. I mean, I'm an American. These guys are trying to kill me. I'm gonna die

You know, I mean that whole fucking thing bro, and they were hey, buddy We'll walk you to the border, buddy. Wow. So two of them Walked me to the fucking border dude right number one, I never went back Except to get drugs later when I relapsed But I never went back to get pussy. Yeah, I said that was that done for me. Yeah, right and number two Maybe a year later. I started doing stand-up

But it was the event that made me go you gotta do something with your life, bro, right? Because your life that yeah, because all the oh, yeah this kind of behavior and this kind of this cut is not me And it's not the lifestyle. I want to live right and so um You know a year later. I was walking down the La Jolla comedy store and they had a help wanted sign And I knocked on it and I could can I get a job here? so in 1994 and then I worked there for a while and then in 95 I did open mic So that was like a catalyst for really kind of like just yeah, sometimes you have those events that show you okay

This is what's going on with you right now. This is where you're at. Is this where you really want to be? Yeah, it's like yeah, you know what? I'm a human being and um, I make mistakes and you know, I also have a you know I'm a I've been in and out of sobriety all my life You know, I started doing crystal methamphetamine at 12. Hell. Yeah, right. So I've always you know because of my dad's Trauma I my dad used to beat the shit out of me. Oh No, I'm being real like my brother and I and my mom. Yeah, why would he do that? He didn't get you on a fucking Golf club and beat the at five six seven years old So I have all this PTSD and trauma and then at 12 I'd start doing drugs because I needed to find relief

Oh, definitely and then at 17 I got sober but my point is is that you know, I've you know, since I was born I've had a rocky thing, you know, and Luckily at 23 I was still sober And I um, I found stand-up and it was literally literally three months a miracle happened When you were a doorman at the comedy store and you were doing stand-up What they would do is they would go on saturday nights if you door You can host either the first or second show and there was two doormats you would choose This time I get the first one second. Oh, you got a great opportunity straight on stage. That's how I met Mencia

That's how I met Paulie. That's how I met all these guys that are friends with still today. Right did um, did black did who's the Did Richard prior ever come through or no? Yeah, I'll tell you that in a second, but um, what happened was one saturday night I was on stage and this is when prince and princess Diana died. Oh, yeah, I remember that right I have a good princess Diana story right and um, I remember um This girl crying after the show this beautiful white girl her name was jennifer just blue eyes tan

And what do you do have sex with her? No, what I said what I touched her back And I she was crying I go are you crying? This is after the show. She goes to princess Diana. I just I don't know. It's just really you know, I go Oh, I'm sorry for your loss. Well, I said something right and then I was sweeping up You know with the mob after the club and the manager goes hey Lee Fred Burns used to manage club You got phone call and it was the girl And she goes hey, I live in Oceanside come over

And I went over there and so granted I've never had regular girls before right and I remember 60 her mom was out of town or something we 69 In her mom's closet. Oh my and I remember I remember her ass smell the shoes too I love being in somebody's mom's closet. You can smell their fucking nice high heels and stuff in there It wasn't a memory that was lodged into my head. Okay. Okay, but I do remember was it cold in there kind of That's another another thing another experience that I don't recall. Okay. Okay, but I remember grabbing her cheeks And you know, you you 69. I'm always the bottom. I never do top. Really? Yeah Yeah, it was on the top of a 69 is a fucking

Great, yeah, yeah, because then you have your mouth fucking her. I don't like any guy who goes upstairs on a 69, bro Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think I've ever seen that You're right. It's always the bottom my bad. That's insane. It's insane, bro. The guy goes upstairs on the 69 Yeah, who is great great right, but I remember grabbing her cheeks Yeah, and looking up at you know, not the sky, but the just ceiling but that god and I remember going With a tear in my eye. Yeah, and that fills up most of your eye Because I'm Asian that's true. Yeah, that's not racist. No, well people don't think that. Yeah You get a tear man. You you know what I'm saying? You're a third waterlog

Do you if I can you're halfway through the titanic movie, right? You know Right, I get one. I can still fucking Bobby snowmobile. Right. I play tennis whatever right? Yeah, so I was like I'd say thank you god You know what I mean? By the way with eye jokes. Can I just say this as a side note? Yeah, I love him You know, I mean, it's like one time I did a photo shoot for a magazine And the photographer was white and he said something kind of racist didn't mean to because hey, we need more expression in your eyes I go, what the fuck bro? That's what I said to him

There's like two things I do open and close, bro This is happy said angry and it made everyone laugh. I love eye jokes. Yeah, you know It's juvenile people always call me Chinese and china boy because I never lie. Yeah. Yeah And miles are kind of slanted too And one of my eyes doesn't even match the other one because you have an old dad. That's why genetics something I don't know what it is. Your dad's come fucked you up. I think I mean, I don't want to think about that Why that's crazy. I don't think about about semen coming out of my father. I know but your dad was old, right?

Yeah, but isn't it crazy that we're all semen What you mean dog, I'm just saying we are all semen Yeah, dude, I got semen inside me. Is that what you mean? But that we started off as semen, man That's crazy. There was other things going on with that. You know, we had to go inside the overall, right? There's a lot going on Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot going on. I believe you got to hit that overall because if that's if that's true Then we could just not in a in a petri dish and just pour warm water and maybe it'll grow Well, yeah, do you ever get nervous that when you're ejaculating a lot of women now? We'll hold it and sneak off and use it

You know, or they'll save it real quick another person like a heating environment and then get rid of it later Sell it never heard of that before my life. It's going on. Well, so what you're saying to me is this, right? I'm I'm 69 a woman. I'm on top No, no, but just let me give you the scenario. I'm on top and I'm you know, I mean I come in her I just say oh mouth. Mm-hmm. That's so crude Yeah, look at nothing can get rid of them some of the stuff that's already been right, right? So she's now But yeah, right. She has in her mouth holding her breath. Yeah, right And then you go, hey, I'm going to go pee and then and then she spits it in a

In a warm container and then she uses as a baby. Yeah, and then that's crazy Well, is it crazy? Because right here we have an article and it says woman keeps sperm from oral sexual encounter uses to get pregnant Man soos. Wow Yeah And appeals court said a man can press a claim for emotional distress after Learning a former lover had used his sperm to have a baby, but he can't claim theft the ruling said because the sperm were hers to keep Wow Why?

By the elinoy appellate court sends dr. Richard o philips distress case back to the trial court So they don't want to deal with it. They moved it back But that's a ridiculous thing to sue for because i'ma say to this right if you stole my toenail Like clip my nails and you I had just left them on the table, right? And then you took it, right? That's yours But what if your toenails had little use inside of them and I took them and Created those little use. How would you feel about it? Like you cloned me based? You took the DNA from the toenail. Well, that's exactly what this lady's doing. She's taking the DNA. I think that there's there's a way

I think that like bro. You just have to be conscious Like for instance, you nut in the mouth and you look and you go I need to see you spit it out or swallow. Oh my god Right now Where oh, where is it? Where are you do flint, michigan? She's saying she's like, where are you if she goes? Like that then what I do is I go All right, your cheeks. It spits out like that That's mine. You're right. You have to be more conscious I'm just saying it's getting down to it. Right where people are asking about cloning though, bro

Okay, because some chinese dude just got arrested for cloning humans. Where at his apartment? Yeah Yeah, Singapore made a little apartment Right, let me ask you something, right? If you can clone a human, bro, then the idea of God Are we creating men then or is God creating the man? God's creating where you're out here duplicating anybody can make a xerox machine. You know what I'm saying? Like we already did that right we can clone other stuff But only the only guy with the real blueprint is God, you know, that's good. I like that

That's good because now because in my head because you know, I believe in a God because of my 12-stop journey I believe in a God. Yeah. Yeah, so for me It's like I don't want anything to interfere with it, but that was fucking me up, bro The cloning really? Yeah. Yeah, because it's like if we could create things on our own now and a whim Right, it takes time, but we you know, we we have the technology to do it then there is no God because we're doing it But the things we're gonna clone are not gonna be as high quality dude You're gonna clone some real bootleg shit, you know, all right like the meat. Yeah, you're gonna have like Bobby Lee Right, you know, you're gonna have like Bobby leak and it's just some guy who's just walking around and just is leaking all the time

Right, right. Damn this guy's wet. You know Yeah, yeah, okay, like we're there's gonna be faulty. It's not gonna fully happen. You're not gonna get the best quality Yeah, yeah, you know you're gonna get secondary meat. I will say this that the Japanese now Or you can send them your hair and they will grow a whole crop of it and send it back to you. Can you look that up? Nicholas, please? Yeah, man, this is wild when I learned about this But back in with the suing the woman dude that reminds me bro, check this out before we get into this if we if we don't mind Yeah Is that fucking there was a Chinese dude that married another Asian lady, but she had plastic surgery

Okay, right. So she looked really pretty but genetically she was ugly Oh, right. So then what happened was dude, they had kids and the kids were ugly So he he divorced her Wow, what do you think of that? morally It breaks my heart, but it's like what else are you gonna do because you can't just get the Surgery on the children. So then you have to you're right. I can't believe it's like Like it was a did he I wonder if he knew that she had had plastic surgery. He must not have. No, he didn't know

Yeah, he was deceived. So, you know, I guess now we have to go look at people's faces women's Yeah, and if we were have a baby, dude, let me see your first face. Yeah, I mean or is that your real fucking face? Show me the real face. Yeah, show me the real face. Yeah, and I'll base it on the photo. Yeah. Yeah Let me see that first face. You see anything there I See like hair replication hair replication and stuff but not like an article that really says it says it all happens in Japan I'm looking for but but my point though is is that you can still do it without growing it My point is is this what you're saying to me is that these Japanese fools

Right have the technology to grow hair based on our hair, right? Right, you can send them a hair and they will send you back an entire, you know, like a little half acre So then what you have just your hair next to the fucking cactus tree. Yeah, then you get it installed in your head Oh, that's oh, so that's what you're saying But you know what you put in the baby's room if you want I mean you can do whatever you want with Right, a certain amount what I was going to do with it is that just make like a pee rug for my fucking dogs What you would do is probably you would take my hair and then And just make yours just like mine is exactly what you would do company uses patients own cells to put an end to baldness

Aging skin and tendon degeneration. I don't think that's it So that sounds better to me better tendons because look at Paulie shore. Mm-hmm. You think then that's his real hair I don't know It's that's the test maybe it's a sea gripper. You know, he he got back here He took those out. Mm-hmm and then plugged them into oh, I've had that you did that. Yeah, did it twice when? Let me see once last two years ago and then once this year Did it hurt months ago? Does it hurt? Uh, it doesn't feel like super. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm gonna do what?

Get my haircut beard implants beard implants I can't I can't burns on my thighs That'd be cool. That'd be pretty cool, dude I never thought of that. So what are you gonna get full beard put in there? But you could you get it? Yeah, because you know, I have my number. I have my 60 year old look on lockdown. Oh, yeah, definitely So I'm 50 now, right? But I already know 50 almost two years. I'll be 50. Yeah, you're not 50 yet Yeah, but I have my 60 year old look if I make it that long on lockdown what I'm gonna do

Is I'm gonna grow my hair really long, but I'm not gonna put plugs. I'm gonna have a balding here, right? But I'm gonna have a full on beard, right? I'm gonna have you know, you're right um John letting What like a wreck I'm gonna have raccoon eyes. Yeah, right. I'm gonna wear a poncho or some sort of like You know how people from Arizona wear those, you know, they have the you know, that's certain color not Aztec But oh, yeah turquoise turquoisey kind of coloring, right? I'm gonna kind of look like a burning man kind of a guy Oh, yeah, and I want to be like a shaman type of look. Oh, I could see you being like a wolf boy, dude

I'll tell you this you go anywhere near fucking Tennessee. Someone's gonna gun you down, bro With all that hair on your body, but dude, how crazy to think Yeah, in 20 years you're gonna be able to be like, oh, yeah, I want this eye completely covered in hair, dude Here's a picture of me right there. What what? Yeah What did you do there? This one? I got fue hair transplant. Oh, I see Yeah, but something's going on with your fucking because here's the thing they inject you and then it starts to come down The injections come down your face at a certain point and it all like expands and gets expansive That's crazy looking. I look like a swan boy. Wait, that's not from your hair plug

You got like Botox in your face No, when they do one of the things that they put some of the when they do the fue even they do They take your blood out and they get the cells out of it the white plasma and then they inject that just into your head and whenever they do um No, wait when they do the hair transplant, they have to put like saline or something in Saline solution and that Makes its way down your face like it over time. Yeah, that's like how long does that take?

It takes a couple days. So you can't leave the house. You can it's just risky What'd you do though? What did you just let these just stay in the house? Uh, I had to go to work. I mean I had to come into here. I definitely yeah, I did a podcast I do. Would you wear sunglasses? Uh, no He's just full on that face. I actually look like Benedict Cumberbatch there, bro. Have you on the batch too? Yeah? Yeah, it was a bad look. I look like that guy. Oh, yeah, that's the guy from Ghostbusters too, bro Yeah, yeah, wow. I can't believe that. I don't even know. We had this as a clip

Oh, that's amazing. This turns a lot of people off of getting the transplant Yeah, yeah, but will you give me the um for some of the comments? I want to see this there Okay, this is the most unnecessary hair surgery ever. It's like a girl with double D's getting a boob job I like surgery. That's why I get it. Yeah But dude, can you give me the number because maybe because I'm going to now for sure I'm going to do the beard thing for sure. You should get dimples made out of hair or not dimples But little round little hair. I want to work again, bro What I want to survive in society, bro. I'm not going to do that

Bro, you're gonna look like a little bitty Chewbacca that fucking deals cards at night in Reno People are gonna love you I ain't gonna do it. I can't do it. I don't have the confidence, bro Bro, you should get hair put fully around to each eye Bro, then you could go mate with a raccoon imagine sneaking up on a raccoon and they don't expect anything Yeah, you're just pleasure in a couple. Let me think about it. Let me think about it Yeah, think about it. I won't get any rolls on nothing. But yeah, dude. Oh, you easily get a roll Maybe ask you something because you've teased when I'm sometimes when I'm on a sitcom

Or whatever you tease me about it. Do you think that's a bad look To be on a sitcom. Yeah. Yeah, because you know, be honest with me because you know, I know that that Because I know that doing podcast and shit is cool, right? I get to reach my real fans and whatnot, but every once in a while I like to dress up and do do that But there's sometimes when I'm on a sitcom. I feel like It's I'm not being creative or it's kind of selling out There's a feeling of selling out or something Yeah, I mean, do you view that or do you think it's still cool to do because I'm gonna go to hawaii next week to do

Another magn And I love that show love that show God, it was so good, dude. The old one you liked. Yeah, but not the new one They have a new one? They have a new one? They have a new one? They have a new one? They have a new one?

What's wrong with that? Nothing? I think it's good, man. I think it's good. I just wish they would have put you on the billboard for the last show you were in. Remember, they put four whites on there and then put you on there. What was the billboard for that show? What was it called? Home Improvement? No, it's called Splitting Up Together, Bro. Splitting Up Together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Nick, if you look up that billboard on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll see that they didn't put old Bobby Bear on there. What in the F, dude? They got a kid on there, dude. That kid might not even live that long, dude. You got to put Bobby on there. I know, but dude, and I asked them. There's the first time I went to the producer and go, hey, can I be on the background? Yeah. And they go, no. It's about a family. I go, just put me in the background. Yeah. And they go, no. And they go, why? And I go, because the whole reason why I want to miss sitcom is to cause other people pain. I want to be on a billboard so my enemies can drive by. Oh, yeah. Right? And they can see, oh, Bobby's still working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole point of it. Yeah. And they wouldn't put me on that. I could put me on the Warner Brothers, all of it, so I could cause some people some pain. Dude, that happened to me with Netflix. I did a special and they put everybody else was on a billboard that year and mine was the only one that they didn't put a billboard. Did you get angry? Yeah. Hurt my feelings. Yeah. People, you see, here's the thing, Hollywood, right? You have to be conscious about it because the thing is, is that especially us, bro, I will rat, bro, I'm going to, I'm going to say something right now. Say it. I was at Irvine, right? Check this out, bro. And I want to see if you could be on my side on this. Okay, I am. Okay. So I drive to Irvine improv. I sold out every show that I'm not bragging. It's just the fact, right? That 2500 seats, right? There's two restaurants adjacent to that. Oh yeah. Javier's, Mexican joint. Yep, I've been there before. And there's other to Paul, Martin or whatever, right? So I go to Paul, the restaurant first, I'm there a little early and I go, Hey, I know you're busy, but I just need a table for one. I'm headlining next door and I really kind of need a table. I can't wait an hour. They go, No. Yeah, but come on, dude. I caused so much traffic to come in here because I know half my fans eat here. Yeah. They go, No. I go to the improv. I go, Can you work something out? We don't know nobody is what they say. They go, We have a connection to Javier. This is the worst one. I go into Javier's, these two Mexican host dudes. And I go, Hey, I'm headlining the next door. Did they have tattoos or anything? No, no, no, they're, you know, clean ones. You know, they're not MC 15 or whatever. Right. Right. Right. And so they go, Um, no. And I go, Dude, I just one. No. I got they called. I thought the improv called. They did call. We don't give a shit. No. Right. So now, bro, I'm livid. I'm fucking live it. Right. Now, do I have any right to be mad or do it? Because the thing is, is that I played that

improv 20 times in my life. I've, I've, I've helped business flow into that area. Not just me, but all the comics. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then, so, you know, maybe I, maybe I'm acting like a baby about it. Yeah. Right. But do you think that I'm in the right to be hurt and mad about it? No, I don't at all, man. I think you should eat over at the improv, dude, because improv is good food. And they can also just bring food back to you in the, in the green room. If you just want to eat there. I think going in there and demanding a table for one, which is basically saying, Hey, yeah, we want a serial killer to hang out in here for 40 minutes is one of the, it just seems like I'm not even a good idea. So you're not on my side. No, you're fucking asshole. No, but I am an asshole, but I'm not an asshole that would go in there and fucking demand that. I'm not out. No, I wasn't, bro. Stop. Sound like you're demanding. Stop. He didn't do anything. I know, but I, he gave me his, his eyes, his eyes are like fish. He has nerves. His fish eyes right here, man. Upper nervous. Yeah. But my point is, is this, but I didn't demand anything. I was gracious about it, but you stood there and looked like you were upset after they said whatever, you know, and you kind of probably went like that with your hands, you know, and you probably can't even move your arms at high in the air. Let's take another question for a guest that came in. We got some really great ones that came in for you. Here's a guy right here about. I fucking hate you, bro. Huh? Sometimes. That's fine. Hate me, dude. That's what happens when you fucking get my haircut and come to my yard, boy. Yeah. What up Theo? What up Bobby? What's up player? My name's Nick. I'm from Utah and I just wanted to ask you guys what your thoughts are on erectile dysfunction. You know, as a young guy, it's kind of hard to go through and I just wanted to know what your guys' perspective is on it and kind of how to deal with it. Um, gang, gang, sleep nation, sleep king, slept king. Have a good one. Fuck. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Does it? Bobby slept king. Um, I'll say this brother, gang, bro, gang, gang, bro. You don't have to wake up, dog. That's what I'm telling you, dude. Here's the thing. Have you ever dealt with erectile dysfunction and I want to, uh, what do you, what's really happened? I have a phenomenon. I'm a part of a phenomenon called porn erectile dysfunction. Okay. And for me, dude, it's like, I weeded porn out of my life. Really? I did. Oh nice, man, for how long? For the rest of my life. How long has it been out? That's what I mean.

Since I've been sober this time. So about 60 days. That's awesome, man. Yeah. So now I have to do my imagination. Yeah. But the thing is, is that, um, and it's a phenomenon that's going on with, especially men, millennials, because, you know, you and I, you're much younger than I am. But back in my day, when, if you wanted to jerk off to pornography, especially as a kid, you'd have to go to the dirt lot. There used to be a rock, a communal rock. Oh yeah. And you would lift it and there would be a hustler magazine underneath there. And there's Mildew and titties missing. Beautiful. Beautiful, right? And you would jerk off real quick in the forest, right? And then you put it back in the thing, right? But now you imagine kids have access to anything that they want, right? So now these kids, before they even have sex with a woman, they, they, they jerk off to fucking. Yeah. BBW bangs an oyster. Right, right, right, right. That's awesome. Right. It's crazy town, right? So my point is, is that you have to fucking completely weed it out. And I think it takes about six months to completely reset your mind. Wow. Right. So my advice to you is try not to masturbate, masturbate with your imagination if you need to, because you got to get it out. Well, you don't have to. I mean, you can do that nocturnal bust, dude, which is basically where you ejaculate in your sleep. And a lot of people get into that, dude. You know what I'm saying? Blowing in the darkness, bro. You know? Like a fucking trumpeter with no electricity. But you're asleep when it's happening. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you just wake up and there's man goo all over your belly. Yeah, but that's, you didn't have to, you didn't have to touch yourself. Right. That was that day. That's the real David Blaine. Right, right. So do that as well. Yeah, there's just another way to do it if you don't want to jerk off all the time. Right, right.

But yeah, to build up that chi and a chi up a little. Yeah. That's beautiful. That was the longest time you fucking didn't masturbate. The longest time I've ever gone probably, I would say is probably two months. It's hard, bro. So hard to do, man. It's so hard to do. And the hard part is for me is if I engage with someone texting and anything sensual or somebody send me a dirty image, a leg, anything like that. If it's been a month, six weeks, if somebody even sent me a leg, you know? Yeah. If they even send me like a Pac-Man, the one with the fucking ribbon in her hair, I'll bust out. Bro, one time Carlos Mincia, a long time ago, goes, hey, dude, you want to go to Honduras? So he flew me to Honduras, but he didn't tell me where. Basically, you had to fly into Honduras, then take another little flight and hit this dirt patch, then take a canoe ride for six hours to go to his village. That's where he's from? Yeah. That's where he was born. So then I'm in this village, no electricity, no running water. And I have to be there for a month. And I literally turned to him and go, I'm going to go back on the canoe and go home. He goes, no, dude. So I had to eat their food, no electricity. You stayed there? Yeah.

So it's like I had a mosquito net in a fucking shack. You weren't even performing? No, dude. I was just there, bro. And I also looked at the village. There's hundreds of female villagers there. Beautiful. They're more, they're more indigenously looking, which they're all human beings. We're all brothers and sisters. But I tell you this right now, three weeks in, I was stalking them because you reset your dick. And all of a sudden, it's primal. And then I could find parts of them that I liked. Look at that fucking shoulder blade. Look at those kneecaps. They're clavies, baby. Yeah, bro. And so I was able to, so I could probably, you can always reset your shit, bro. It doesn't always have to be like barely legal or the kind of old porn I watch, old J. You know old J is? Old Japanese.

No, man. There's a site called old J. It's like nine-year-old men and 18-year-old women. So I used to do that. Wow. That's pure. That's pure and simple. It's insane, but good. I don't think it's pure or simple, man. Old J, huh? I'm trying to think. If you went some old guy, dude, if I'm real old, I don't know. At a certain point, can having sex like endanger you if it like gets your heart real hot, you know? But I would rather die that way. I wouldn't. I'd rather die chilling out, dude. On a fucking couch watching fucking Jeopardy. You're on a couch and you go, you know what it does. And then you're done, right? But imagine having like being like, who's that playboy guy? Hugh Hefner. Hugh Hefner, right? Lining up nine women. And then the third one, you have a heart attack?

Oh, yeah. That's the way to go, brah. Playing like Russian Hewlett. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also at that age, no condom. You don't give a fuck, bro. Oh, dude. At any age, no condom. I mean, who's even, are they still making condoms? That's what I want to know. For old people? For people. Yeah, they still use it. I haven't heard, and no one's even getting anything anymore. No, look at, tell that to fucking Charlie Sheen, brah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the hip, brah. But he was also basically, he was like, he was like, fuck, he was like having sex with like laboratories and shit. Like that guy was going to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, donkeys and animals and stuff.

I mean, he probably got into some real dark stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's drug induced. Drug induced fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, have you ever been involved in like drug induced homosexuality? You know, like where people do enough drugs at somebody's gay? I've done it. Bro, you already know, you already fucking know. I don't know. Dude, I'm thinking if I know or not, and I don't. You, you don't know that I've sucked the dick before? Whoa. Oh, no. Fuck, bro. Put your hand in the air before you say that. Take my headphones.

All right, man. Fuck, dude. Who was the guy? Was it a black guy? No, dude, my mom's small, brah. Yeah. No, here's the thing, dude. You got that baby pocket on your face, brah. Here's a, here's a guy right here. Can I finish it though? Oh, yeah. All right, go ahead. No, no, you go. Let me finish what the dick thing. Please do. Okay. So back when I told you like I couldn't get laid or whatever as a kid, right? So when I was a child, right, I would be at a party and some dude would just go, it was actually one or two dudes. They would go, suck my dick.

And they would just grab my hair and I'd suck their dick. Anyway, let's go to the tape. Jesus, man. Oh, hey. Who calls it a party? Asian guy, huh? Yeah. Hey Theo, hey Bobby. Love you guys both. Just good question for you, for the both of you guys. If you guys turned gay for a day, who would you hit up? That's it gang gang. I'm not gay though, but I like gay people. Peace out. Dude, Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. Yeah, bro. Tom Hardy is Tom Arnold. Mad Max, bro. Not Tom Arnold. Imagine sucking him off. I'm not sucking anybody, dude. I might bang the guy. I'm not blowing some dude, bro.

That's the gayest thing ever. Oh, let me ask you something. What would it take for you to blow somebody? I wouldn't do it. Okay, so let me ask you this then. Okay. Right? Jesus came down. Christ. Okay. I'm not saying blowing Christ. I'm not going to say that. Okay, no. Would you blow Christ? Would you blow Christ? No. Okay, good. Even if you're going to be an attorney in hell. Dude, I'm not blowing anybody. All right. He's the Lord, but fine. But what if Jesus said, a real Jesus wouldn't want it. It would be a fake Jesus then. Right. But if Jesus, or something, not Jesus, but some alien, then is that better for you?

Okay. Like Sandra Bernhard, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Sandra Bernhard came down, right? Be that, be that, be that, be that, right? And goes, I will destroy all mankind if you don't blow Eric Griffin. No, man. I just couldn't. I don't want my mouth to be opened by some guy's wiener. That's what I, that's the part. Oh, it's the prying factor. It's intrusive. Yeah. I just don't, I don't think I'd like the texture of it. The texture is fun. It's like your finger, bro. Uh-uh. Yeah. Uh-uh, but it's not. That is not, dude. Well, let me just do that. But it's somebody else's finger that's near their fricking nuts. Right. If it was a mankind, if mankind was all going to die, I would suck whoever.

Not whoever. I'd suck the guy who is most qualified to help us save the, the universe. I'm not just, Captain America. I'm not blowing something outside of 7-Eleven. Because he's scared about what's going on as well. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. But I like your attitude. You've never done anything gay in your life. Uh, I've never done anything gay, man. They had a time, well, I think a dude was trying to get me to be gay one time and I had to go to the airport and we've been, and we've been doing cocaine and so I'm glad I had to go to the airport, man, because that's the thing. At a certain point there can be drug induced homosexuality. Yeah.

Were you doing enough drugs? And next thing you know, man, you get, you know, people can coerce you into things. Can I tell you a funny story? I was, I was living in Silver Lake, bro. And you knew who Mike Young is? Yeah. So Mike Young was like, three in the morning he calls me and he goes, Dude, I'm drunk, bruh. That's what he says. Oh yeah. They go, I'm hanging up. And he goes, No, dude, I don't know. Where's my car? Oh yeah. That's a gay pickup, bruh. Where's my car? It's at your house. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Meanwhile, you don't even have a house. You're like, what are you talking about? And then the guy's gonna stay over. And he goes, Come pick me up, dude. I'm lost. This is before Uber, all that shit, right?

So I go, No, he's crying. Oh man. Dude, where's my car? Right. Everybody almost bang his crying in these things. Right, right, right, right. No. So I pick him up and I go, All right, dude, what's up? He's like, where's your car? He goes, I remember it's up here. So he, we drove up in the hills and we pull up to this mansion and it's Tobin McGuire's house. Oh, yeah. Right. And he goes, Hey, man. I called Leo and Mark Wahlberg and Tobin were jacuzziing. Right. And I go, Yeah. And he goes, they said you could come too. And I go, No. Just in case. Now I'm not accused. They're probably knee deep. Plus all that stuff, they're not gay at all.

But even if there was a 1% chance that I'm in this jacuzzi and then Spider-Man's dick is in my face, I would have to suck it because I want to make it in the business. Dang. So I didn't, I put myself out of the situation. But you think you honestly party was afraid to go? I think it was. I think also that was part of it. And also I don't want to say the wrong thing. It's late. It's four in the morning now. Like I don't want to fight. You're not going to do anything good. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing good that's going to happen from it. I'm not going to get in a movie.

No. You're right. So if you're in a movie, it's going to be a short movie, dude. It's just me on somebody's phone. And it's just going to be you. Huh? Yeah. Just holstering that spider ween. Yeah. I'll probably suck Leo off, maybe. Would you? Maybe he's fucking a star, bro. I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Here's a guy right now who has a question that's going to be much better than this conversation. Let's take it to it, man. Theo.

Hey, Bobby. Hey, Bobby. I would like to, if I may, I would love to ask you a question. A lot of times my brain is telling me one thing. My heart's telling me another thing. Amen, brother. A lot of times I'm not sure which way to go. So I wanted to ask you, how do you center yourself when you feel overwhelmed or lost or anxious? Thank you. Thank you very much.

God bless you both. Wow. He's a nice guy. Method. That could be. Fully. Definitely made that in the late nine hours. That's crazy eyes.

He has like three or four grandfather clocks in his room. Yeah. If that's a serious question. It is a serious question. You know what I've been doing, dude, is meditating. Yeah. And every night and in the mornings, I spend 20 minutes and I focus on my breathing. I live in a mansion.

So I'm in one of my rooms and I concentrate on my breathing. And what I do is I breathe in five seconds and I breathe out five seconds, breathe in five seconds. And I know the thoughts enter my brain. You know what I mean? Like, how the fuck did Ken Jeong get another movie or whatever? You know what I mean? Or like, you know, fuck crystallia. You know what I mean?

But I let those pass like clouds or I pop them like a bubble. Like if I thought it's a bubble, I pop it right and I focus my attention on my breathing. That's how I do it. And once I do that, I get locked into nothingness, not nothingness, but like it's just black. Yeah. Right. And once I get into that state, I'm in a groove and it really dictates how I feel about my life and how my day goes.

And it also makes me sleep so much fucking better, dude. Yeah. I instantaneously sleep rather than toss and turn for an hour. Right. You know what, dude? All my problems come from here. Yeah. And they're mostly...

Your brain. Yeah, my mind, my brain. Yeah. And it's also, most of my problems are not real. Yeah. They're perceived. I imagine things that don't exist, how what people are saying. Why didn't I get that?

And none of it fucking matters, man. Right? So it's like, that's what meditation does. It calms the part of the thing that's mostly my problem, which is this. Yeah. So that's what I've been trying to do as of late, you know? And what practice are you doing? Like, is there a certain way you're practicing it?

Is there a certain amount of time? Like, what are you doing? I try to do about 20 minutes, bro. Wow. 20 minutes is a good time. You know what I mean? Maybe a little longer. I don't have a clock, but I just...

It's generally about 20, 25 minutes that I last. Sometimes 30, you know what I mean? Wow. That's great. I don't know if it depends, but like, I really do try to do it because it's like, you know, that relapse I had in August, dude, and I was going to kill myself. Dang. You said, dang, a little too quick.

Sorry, hold on a second. Dang, man. Yeah, thanks. That felt more organic. But yeah, I, you know, when my dad died, I relapsed. And then, you know, after 17 years, you know, that's a long time. Yeah. I couldn't eat, sleep, and I had thoughts of suicide.

And were you using weed and liquor? Just weed. Did you have any liquor? No. Oh, do you wish you'd had a beer? I couldn't do it because the thing is, is that I had gotten this CBS game show job, and I had to do eight episodes. I knew I was going to drink after that and do opiates and do all my fun funds.

Yeah. Lusinogenics. Yeah, yeah. But what ended up happening was I was losing so much weight, and I wasn't sleeping, and I started getting psychotic. I started losing my mind. Yeah. You don't want to eat?

Yeah. So then I went to a hospital. I went to a place in Arizona for a couple of weeks, and I found out what the problem was. And the problem was the trauma that my dad caused me as a kid. Wow. And so I had a deal. I did EMDR, a lot of therapy, and I've addressed a lot of those issues.

And I took the weight out of those things. And now I feel freer. I've been, also, this time, because, you know, in the last seven years of the 17 years I was sober, I didn't go, you know, I rarely went to meetings. Oh, really? Yeah. So now what I'm doing is it's the first thing. It's the most important thing.

Going to meetings. It's going to my therapist once a week and going to meetings. And those are things that are going to be ritualistic and things that I am never going to, like, you know, ignore or not do. They're important. Yeah. More important than my podcast, my family, everything, because it's my life to put in things first.

If you want to be free and happy, then make it or get money or anything like that. It's bullshit. All of the others is fucking. You know, bro, it doesn't make you happy. Oh, yeah, I agree. Move on. You were going to say about seeing Richard Pryor? Bring up a question.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you work with Richard Pryor? Well, I don't working with him is not. But, you know, when I was a doorman, when I moved to Hollywood, you know, he was sick, but he would still do spots and he would come with his wheelchair and we would both like Freddie Soto, Bob Oshack, we would have to lift him up on stage, put him and then like he would have boogers on his nose and we would wipe him like from Coke.

No, because he was sick. Oh, he's that sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And because he couldn't do it himself. You know what I mean? And we put the mic there and it was a blessing to watch that man because he was still super

funny. Even in that state, he has another dude that used to come in is Carlin. Well, I was working the back door once the first time George Carlin ever went there and I was working the back door and he came up to me. I was so scared because I'm a fucking huge fan and he came up to me and he goes, what's your name? And I go, Bobby Lee, nice to meet you. I'm George.

He did a show. He did it every year for three years in a row and every year I doored. Every year I doored there, he would walk around behind me and go, Mr. Lee, he remembered. And those kind of guys taught me class. That's gone away from stand-up comedy is class. You know who has it? Sebastian. Yeah.

I mean, but a lot of these younger kids and I want to name names right now, I'm not going to. But there's a somebody that made it that I helped was instrumental in that person making it. A woman. A man. A man. Or a woman.

Or a woman. Yeah. Yeah. No class. They belittle me at each, every chance I get. And so it's like, for me, I'm still going to have, you know, for me, I'm Korean. And Joe Rogan, you know, Joe goes to me, how come you're so distant in front of me? Because I respect you and when you come to the comedy store, you have a thousand comics

surround you, right? I get why, but I'm going to step back because I don't want to be intrusive because I respect you and you're the, you're the king, one of the kings of the game, right? And he respected that. Yeah. It's class. Right. So I learned from all those old Fox man.

Yeah. Right. So that's that. Do you feel like you've, I mean, there's, you've had issues at the comedy store recently. Right. You've mentioned this when I was on your podcast. I've had issues. Yeah.

Yeah. What's going on? What do you mean? What's going on? You don't want to be at the comedy store. I don't want to be at the comedy store because the comedy store used to be a place where if you put your time in, you got treated, right? Like the man.

Right. And now it's fame that dictates it and whoever's hot and there's people that are, get spots every single night. They don't have to necessarily even call in, right? That that's now the name of the game. Right. So dudes that have been there, like, you know, like me, I get spots, right, but I don't get every single night and I'll get some, some of these fools get two shows a night, right?

And so it's been a place, it's also a place not to grow. It's because you see you're there, it's sold out, you're, you're performing with heavy weights, right? How the fuck do you try new shit? Yeah. I can't. It's hard. Because I can't, I have to survive because when you're in the audience now has, I, this

last year I've seen Francis Ford Coppola in the audience. I've seen Quentin Tarantino in the audience. I've seen the biggest people in the game. Just sitting in the audience. What, I'm going to do my first 10, my 10 minute new shit? Yeah. No, I'm going to kill it so that I can maybe get in, you know what I mean? In their good light.

Yeah. So you can play a nunchuck and kill Bill three. Let's go to a question right here, man. Bobby, what up Theo? I got a question for Bobby in fourth grade. My best friend was Korean, his parents and his grandma lived on straight from Korea, barely spoke any English. His grandma didn't speak any English and every time I came over to sleep over, all they would

do is order Papa John's and then for breakfast in the morning, she would microwave the Papa John's like not even throw it in the oven, microwave pizza, especially Papa John's crazy. So my question is, do you guys microwave your pizza after or you throw that bitch in the oven or the toaster oven or is that just a Korean thing? All right. Gang gang. Gang, bro. What's up with them Reans, bro?

Drop that K knowledge on your boy because we want to know you motherfuckers, bro. Y'all over there slipping and sliding on taking the shortcuts, bro. You guys are chef shortcuts or what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah, number one, those are ghetto Koreans.

Okay. Okay. GKs they call them. Yeah. Those are GKs for sure. Okay. Okay. Number two, Koreans came, especially my family, came from poverty.

My parents, my mother, when she was eight years old, when she walked her little sister to school, a military truck, military truck ran my on over and there was entrails over the street. So there was no ambulance. So my uncles had to pick up my dead aunt, put them in rice bags. So this is, this is the light. This is the. Oh my God.

So this is, this is the experience that they come from. That's why they microwave their fucking Papa John's. Who gives a shit? Number two, who gives a fuck? Right. And number two, let me say this friend, right? Is is that, you know what my mom, you said that's evil. I'll tell you even something worse.

If you didn't finish your, you know, your cereal, right, so you have frosted flakes, you put the milk in, right? You ate the cereal, but you're full, right? You leave it, you go to school the next morning, guess what's back in the box, the soggy, the soggy fucking cereal flakes and you had to eat it or you get beat. Amen, brother. Fuck you and the Papa Papa. Amen.

Does he have another question? No, no, no. How long does this go for, man? That's it, man. I think we've done enough, dude. I thought that question was going to make it more lighthearted. Well, no, I like it when it goes in and out. How long did we do?

Well, our 45. Yeah. That's a lot, man. That was awesome. Bobby Lee. I love you, man. I love you, bro. I love you, bro.

You know, I love you. I wish we would do a show together sometime, man. Bro, not only that, I don't want to be real. There's a lot of heads, bro. Some of these fools, they get successful and I get why I think sometimes I'd be honest, you know, but all the good shit that's happened to you, bro. You are so resilient and your voice is so original. I am so fucking proud of you, dude.

You're so funny, dude. You are so funny. You're so intrinsically funny and I just, my hat's off to you, brother. Thanks, man. I love you, bro. I love you, too, man. I appreciate that. Yeah, man.

You're a good guy. Bobby Lee, ladies and gentlemen, and we'll see you in the future, man. Check out Bobby's new podcast, Ginger Ginger. What is it? It's called Bad Friends with Andrew Santino. All right, I love you, too, bro. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can

feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on wild. Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you about stories. Shine on me, and I will find a song, I will sing it just for you.