This Past Weekend - E278 Back from the Road: Brad Williams & Jeff Dye

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Theo talks to fellow comedians Brad Williams & Jeff Dye who just returned from their first weekend on the road since the pandemic began. Brad Williamshttps://www.instagram.com/bradwilliamscomic/?hl=en Jeff Dyehttps://www.instagram.com/jeffdye/?hl=en----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merchhttps://theovonstore.com  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This episode is brought to you by… ManscapedVisit https://manscaped.com and use promo code THEO for 20% off plus free shipping Grey Block Pizzahttps://greyblockpizza.com/----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music“Shine” - Bishop Gunnhttp://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for TheoUpload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovonFacebook: https://facebook.com/theovonFacebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovonYouTube: https://youtube.com/theovonClips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nickhttps://instagram.com/realnickdavis See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

today's episode is brought to you by gray block pizza gray block get that hitter baby today's guests are two comedians who have just broken back into performing live stand-up comedy that's right this weekend they were in oklahoma city and salt lake city and um and i'm just really curious as to what their what their experience was like we have uh comedian brad williams and comedian jeff die because you're definitely i remember the first time i ever met you brad it was like i was at usc i don't know what i was doing not learning i was there just as like an outsider and uh and you came up on a motorbike yeah like a small motorbike yeah and i'd never seen

anything like this like you know where i was growing up they had one man who was kind of a smaller man that did um mechanic work you know make sense and he uh get in there yeah exactly yeah oh yeah i remember they would sometimes open the hood put him under there and then close the hood and he'd fix it while people were driving no just so just oh he would be in there like and he would hide he would do a lot of hiding i'm gonna hide you know which i think you know i don't know that's an advantage yeah but um but yeah man i remember and then you pulled up at a pretty good clip of speed and i was like oh my god i'm in another i'd like just gotten in a lot of sand or something like i'm in another world well you know that scare taxes show that you mentioned uh

like they basically every prank involved a little person yeah they're like oh she's afraid of teddy bears what if we put uh what if we put brad in this teddy bear man we'll make him run around and make him act like a teddy bear at first but then i run around yeah that's good and the next one's like some lab where it's a giant rat and they're like i'll put brad in a giant rat costume rat monster i remember that prank everything is based around a little person but yeah the guy not got no glory yeah and i i totally remember that because that uh razor scooter uh released these electric scooters back in the day but like they they had one that was literally cheesy and then they had one that looked like a like a west coast chopper yeah and i'm like all these other kids

around usc get the class on a bike i'm riding my west coast chopper razor scooter so i would roll up insane i'd never seen anything like it i didn't know the laws yeah at school because i was going there i went to us yeah so like yeah and i think yeah i booked you for like a comedy show on campus or something dude you must have been a legend you were like how many doors you went to ufc uh you us at ufc well i don't know where you went you i'm not good with schools and letters and stuff yeah it was a dwarf ufc happened in a ball pit it sounds awesome dude it was so crazy dude don't start something that's gonna be huge uh no uh it was no it was me and then there was a teacher there okay and everyone thought i was his kid right like everyone that's how dumb people are about

dwarfs they must be related yeah everyone thought that like that's how i got in is it's that oh well your dad works at usc so that's how you got in it's like no i got in it's because they needed something they need someone for the pamphlet do you also i have a regular brain and i'm a regular person they think there must be something yeah yeah yeah no yeah yeah he got in because he cast a spell on the president dude i've always wondered like do you like you know is it okay to talk about being if somebody is a small person or smaller or a little bit different sure um but what i'm thinking is like sometimes i'll see like you know they have lg tbq community yeah but they don't factor in like uh but little people don't get factored into that well well well that's the lpa

community oh the little people of america okay that's not even a joke it's it's yeah lpa which was started by billy barney uh the actor and then actually when they started they were called midgets of america pull the picture and changed it and then they changed it so that's why yeah there it is so uh that so that when yeah when they started it it was called midgets of america killed it man this guy was in everything yeah so wait so this guy started the lpa yep and so yeah so there's a lot of dwarves that have boned each other because of this man nice because he started lpa oh because then it's a place to meet other people that are solar thank you thank you for what you did there's no without this guy we wouldn't have all those shitty shows on tlc which were some of my favorite

i hate those shows on tlc really yeah we're like we're a family of little people you're like i don't give a shit and they literally like aren't we're just like everyone else you're like then why am i watching it yeah if you're just like everyone else then why is this why what but that one family you're little man yeah little people big world yeah i love them why i'm not me the sister was fine bro why is the dad i mean when she was older sitting in the tall dude's lap it like it looks like the dad is disrespectful in that photo it looks like the dad is sitting in the tall dude's lap i hate these shows i hate these kind of shows yeah well what fascinated about me about this show i remember specifically was they ran a pumpkin ranch yep and the fact in my mind yeah blew my mind that you had

small people growing the largest vegetable remember i used to do i used to do jokes about it i was like pumpkins are a big squash they're just lugging around like ants bro that's a like think of it like yeah that yeah i mean oh there you go it would it would make way more sense that they're like oh they have a strawberry patch yeah like yeah cherries makes sense come what that's where i was gonna go um yeah there's like no we no we got pumpkins baby tomatoes but over achievers i love it do you sometimes but sometimes do you ever look at like a gay person or a a diverse person a black person uh maybe a vietnamese maybe um it's gonna be a fun question for me to answer let's go and does it ever but you know i'm talking about i just love you're searching for uh words to feel okay

black filipino uh you know people like you know uh but do you know what i'm talking about unique friends i'll call them hey man we're only white guys we don't gotta think but is there camaraderie there like if you see like if you're walking on the street like in like a white neighborhood and there's a black guy and he's walking on the street is there camaraderie if you guys see each other kind of oh between like me and a black guy yeah no but i will say this uh there's not that instant there there isn't that instant camaraderie but i i used to do a bit about this and it's real like i would loved how black people would react to seeing dwarfs oh right like it it was never totally different yeah it was never just like there's a person and like it was never that it was

like oh shit little man like that's my god like they dab you up that's my guy always like insanely friendly but yet kind of insulting you know it's like oh what up big man it's like why would you say big man to me that is like what do you see a guy in a wheelchair and just be like yo legs what's going on like but also it does feel kind of good because like this black guy's being really nice to me but also yeah i should get mad at him for doing yeah yeah yeah and then uh and then like like there was one time it was yo what up it was back when i was at usc that hurts me man that they do that i always found it funny i was i was at usc and then i was on the street where all the fraternities are it's called it's called the row it's where all fraternity sorority rows are and i was with a few

of my friends and like a group of black guys came up to me and my buddies and just started like like aggressively positively complimenting me but then calling my word but like and then like one of my friends got jealous he's like what i'm not a and and and and they looked at him like no like hell no we're cool with the little one yeah yeah i got a pass so you don't see you get so there's times where you get an n word pass i like not to say it but i get called it right you get to be one yeah wow you're really in but yeah that's crazy yeah so so there's not like now if i walk down the street and i see another person who has some kind of disability either they're in a chair or or another dwarf then then we give each other like a nod like what's up okay you know the struggle i

love it but so but but that kind of stops there doesn't go into like because yeah i always wondered like if you see a black guy and they're in like a play like because you know a lot of black people feel like outliers kind of you know in the in the u.s and so i was wondering like but they don't do that with each other yeah that's not like black people nod at like uh Puerto Ricans or vietnamese or like you know i'm saying i don't know i don't think that they do that that doesn't cross borders like lesbians aren't like what's up black guy like this has been three white guys discuss race but we're just wondering i don't know you're the closest thing we have to a black guy right now you know i'm saying not enough you know the ass for it yeah wait so when you're in texas with

the guys that you went to like high school with and stuff and you guys are just it's just you guys back home do you guys give each other n word passes oh that's a good point i mean people use it a lot more i don't think anybody's given passes though you guys just give it to each other i think people definitely maybe stole a packet of passes yeah yeah look what i got these passes we can use while we're at home tonight just us i think people somebody definitely stole a packet of passes from the principal's office where'd you get that oh man they're everywhere in texas man like i i just remember ralphie may would always just say it and not care like he would say it because he was at a weight i feel like he was like a kind of a weight you know like a like he had that like he had a

he had a i never understood how he got away with it if you get to a certain level of something where it's like you feel like maybe like you're an outcast or something then you always go i'm from chattanooga so i can say it's like i've been to chattanooga it's like the most segregated place in the world dude he used to say chat right here black there he did really yeah he said i'm the number one chatter oh really and finish it off yeah that's wild and chattanooga is definitely a little racist anyway it's so segregated and if he's the big fat white guy he was probably on the white side i mean just by name i don't mean just by name dude you know like if you're like if you're high school's like the nougurs like that's insane oh uh look this up there's gotta stop man

there's a i don't know if it's a high school or a college um in oklahoma where like their mascot is like the fighting midgets really yeah and like everyone uh there's some high school there was one in illinois actually i know a kid that i think went to a school and the midget was a mascot of fighting midget's mascot fighting midgets mascot dickinson high school south dakota oh south dakota north dakota there it is dickinson high school in north dakota all the mustangs they change it from the midgets to the mustangs i don't know if i like that the little people of america have more clout than all of native americans because like the reskins they're just like we're not changing them man yeah yeah when in fact on opening day we're gonna bring out some native americans we'll pay them some money

put them in chief's jerseys or whatever yeah yeah yeah jerseys yeah and and say no we're cool with it yeah before they even consider changing it right we will have we'll have chief wahoo yeah from the cleveland indians yeah and just who who's just a white guy who's like riding the horse out there i love chief wahoo though i got my big fan of chief wahoo really you know the guy no i don't know the guy but i'm saying like the indians you know why they're called the indians i'm gonna nerd out i love baseball because it's from indiana nope the good guys no they were they were called the cleveland spiders and then they had like the first ever native american on the baseball team oh wow and then one and then they got a they got like a second native american and they were only

they were the only team that had like two native americans and so one of the guys on the cleveland indian on the cleveland spiders at the time goes man we should start calling ourselves the cleveland indians he's like basically razz and his teammates yeah and they were like yeah it'd make us look super progressive like all right it'll be good so they so they literally started calling them the cleveland indians they changed the team name and the original chief wahoo was actually he looked a little less racist he kind of looked like one of these simpsons guys he was like a yellow faced chief wahoo and that's the thing is uh jut aptile is that great joke i did on the tonight show is like any drawing of a jewish person is inherently anti-semitic yeah because like if i hand you papers to draw a jewish

person and then you hand it back to me it's gonna look pretty offensive right because you're trying to draw the attributes of the person same thing happened with this they said draw an indian and the guy's like yeah there's a cartoonist here scroll down you can see that you yeah the original chief wahoo he was kind of yellow and then they had to like redo it because native americans and people were very upset but look at the new one the new one they just gave him veneers made him red they made him yeah chief wahoo and also chief wahoo is supposed to mean like celebrating indians like wahoo we're celebrating so it's all well-intentioned i say like all the indian stuff is pretty well-intentioned it's just amazing to me that they changed the name to the cleveland indians after

they had two indian players like do you imagine if but that's kind of nice though when you think about it yeah they thought they were doing like a funny cool thing yeah but like just imagine if all teams did that like when jackie robinson first went on the dodger they're like wow we're not the dodgers anymore we're the and then you say some term jackies dude they used to be the the atlanta crackers and that was a negro leagues team really the atlanta crackers oh that's hilarious oh they were called the atlanta black crackers oh the black crackers when that because they were kind of saying like we're like a team of white boys i don't know if that's how that worked but they were the there you go the atlanta crackers played first in the southern association game uh baseball 1902 yeah

and i don't know if that's i don't know why they were why they were called that but i think the origins of team names are known but there was a there if you go to the negro league museum uh which is a great it's awesome right by the jazz museum i don't even have time for the jazz museum because i just they thought i was patronizing them i stayed in cleveland no the negro league museum is in kansas city yeah it is awesome yeah and i stayed over there so much because i just love baseball so much and they were like they thought i was mocking them they're like nobody likes it this much like this guy's been in there for like six hours i like watched every i read everything yeah i know all this crap but um but yeah they were called the atlanta the atlanta crackers and

i think that they were doing that as like a like an f u to the white league like all right well because we the crackers yeah because when i saw that uh high school was called the fighting midgets i'm like i want a t-shirt yeah it's cool like i don't i don't want you to shut down the intentions are good i think yeah that's that's how i measure it not everyone measures it that way but that's right that and it's like you're naming your school the fighting midgets that means you think that the midget is intimidating powerful yeah you know what i mean that means it's like oh you're a tiger fuck you we're the midgets and when in real life we would be a snack but they're like no no our fighting midgets like what's worse being ignored and acting like you're not a thing yes

or being acknowledged and and dealing with whatever kind of uncomfortability of that difference is does that make sense no it totally and and and because the worst thing you could do to anyone who uh is quote unquote different is ignore that right and ignore and ignore the difference yeah uh yeah like if i see a guy it happened this weekend uh oh okay this so i did shows in oakland city this weekend and right in the front row uh a female dwarf sat right in the front row she's right and it's just it it's like okay i have to mention this i can't not talk about the fact there's a dwarf right there in the front row and i asked her what she did for a living thing and no bullshit she goes i'm a psychologist and i go and i'd start laughing and everyone's

like why are you laughing i go because she's a shrink oh that's perfect and i'm like come come on like you've gotta get you love it she loved it and and and that moment would have never happened sure if i would have just ignored like oh i don't see another little person right in my audience what's up big tiffani and she's like no one's ever called me that that's a big girl but i like how i want to live my life is like i'm i'm friends with lots of different people walks of life i don't just blanketly think i'm a good person and not knowing how many people are like these we got to fight for these trans rights i'm like name five of your trans friends and they're like well i've never like met a trans yeah exactly shut the hell up yeah yeah it's a tricky like that date

it's all it's a tactic man it's hectic to like yeah i think it but naturally you feel a certain way like naturally you kind of know how to behave yeah you know i feel like and then you can tell if somebody else is upset yeah you know you go okay that was bad yeah that was too much and then you apologize for something you're asking him like questions i mean you guys probably been friends for a long time but you'll ask him questions like hey is it okay if i just ask and that's i think way more respectful than having someone and just completely like my buddy's uh my buddy nico's his son has like uh like kind of a birth defect in his hands so he's kind of he's like spock yeah kind of like a ninja turtle you know he's got like three and oh like ryan emailer kind

of what do you mean like uh like i just asked what happened yeah and he was happy to talk about it and we didn't have to be this like weird like hey what happened here so you know yeah yeah you i think that's how you should address those things yeah let's talk about i do it usually like if i'll see somebody that's missing a limb or something i'll just ask him hey what happened you know how did you lose your leg what happened to your leg you know i'm just trying to get a starbucks like just tell me what happened yeah tell me what happened to that leg like let me sign it no like it's not a cast it's uh a piece of titanium and they're like well just have a good summer feel vaughn get away from me with that marks a lot never change um i want to talk uh i'm sitting with brad williams and

jeff die um both comedians um allegedly road dogs we're the road dogs and i feel like and you guys i feel like are the both of the first guys who have gone and performed yeah live comedy since this whole thing yeah we learned wise guys this weekend yeah and i was you're there next weekend right yeah and i was at not virtually we flew there flew there we did the whole thing and so crazy i was at brick town comedy in oakland city so yeah explain to me yeah i was at wise guys in salt lake city it yeah just explain to me why it's crazy well i guess i mean my first i guess like i didn't i don't have any fear of like people coming to the event i didn't have any my thoughts anyway i don't have any thoughts about that i had thoughts about like as a comedian being on stage

since there's gonna be less people in the audience yeah would i feel like bummed out would i feel like this isn't the same like would i feel like and then i started thinking from a business standpoint like okay well is this business even gonna make enough money like are these waitresses gonna make enough money tonight like um i'll tell you who didn't make enough money the comedian yeah well that's another they've got a reason to go hey man we have a limited audience yeah yeah so you know it's only we have to cap them out at 100 i can't like work a bonus deal or anything like that so that was it but the waitresses made great money they did yeah yes because everyone's so audiences and you guys will both know this maybe anyone that listens that isn't a community you might not

know but audiences are famously and more so than ever now the podcast blown up people people didn't used to know comedians they just went to the improv and they they'd maybe hope to see one famous person and then all the other comedians they'd be like this is great i would say in the last eight years i've witnessed with the success of you and segura and yeah uh basically everyone that's on this wall right is now people if they haven't seen you before they're like who's this guy i've never heard of him and then the vibe shifts to this weird like make me laugh bitch like that's the vibe where i'm unfunny till proven funny and then it kind of was like oh he is funny and i have never even heard of him because i listened all the podcasts i'm shocked that someone is funny

that i don't know right whereas that totally changed yeah this weekend dude people were so generous like one dude tip to our server like 200 bucks wow all these people were gushing to me like oh my god thank you so it was they were just so happy yeah i was crushing on like throw away lines like so it was very generous yeah did you feel um what were some of you guys's fears going into it before even talk about what the weekend with the weekends were like like did you have any like just our thoughts even just thoughts yeah i uh i wasn't worried about the shows and in terms of like you look out in the audience and sounds different because it's at a third capacity or half capacity or whatever it is my philosophy is okay or i could stay home and there's no show

there's no one getting laughs there's no there's nothing you know so and yeah you're not gonna just flip flip a switch and we all come back and it's exactly the way it was and we we got to acclimate gradually get into it and you know kind of test the waters a little bit and then if it's good then we'll move them up to the next level i was more worried about the travel than anything that and it was for me like the worst part for me wasn't the shows i love the shows the the audiences much like you said were great they were so starred for content they want to go out they want to have fun uh but traveling that was weird because you had to wear the mask the whole time which when you go to the grocery store it's

like okay it's an hour but when you're flying when i'm flying oklahoma city that's six hours of wearing you don't realize how many snacks you try to sneak in and kind of drink drinks yeah yeah like that's six hours of wearing a mask and then like my ears are hurting you know you know yeah and like they're not they're not serving food on the plane so you got like if it's a long flight you're like okay i gotta snack up before i get on and were the seats spaced out on your flights more was something like that southwest was american airlines and not give a you're too famous you're too famous to fly southwest but first of all this guy's flying south what you're killing him man i mean i've been on there for southwest it was 98 bucks hey you gotta so i flew from lax to salt lake city and

salt lake city to seattle seattle the lax because they cancel all these like legs of flight right right along the trip home there was nobody in the airports nobody on my flight that was kind of eerie but that's pretty safe i mean like if i see no people i'm not afraid yeah also i will say and i know this is gonna annoy all the liberal new york comedians that i'm gonna say this but i dealt with it pretty like selfishly like i was like i'm not afraid i want to go tell jokes i'm wearing the mask out of respect for others if you want to come hug me i don't give a shit like i'm so well and also like i don't care like right like for you personally you're in that group that according to the the the the science it's like you should be fine right it like you don't have an immune

problem you're a healthy guy you got a big dick like like you like you i will say the people that come to my shows yeah obviously seem to not care either right and i don't so so if they get me sick or i get them sick fuck them yeah they come out yeah they came out yeah and so it's like i'm not hurting gram gram she's at home right i like you know i'm and i know that that's a selfish take and i'm admitting that i'm selfish because i just want to get back to comedy so bad yeah and i'm so tired of being at my house with my dog i tried to do one of those virtual shows had a great time but it wasn't the same yeah and so i need to i needed i needed to like i need my hotel rooms i need to flirt with girls i need to tell jokes i needed some sort of semblance of what i'm used to

whenever you got to the club like uh did you feel like where did they seem really really excited to like be back in business like yeah they were stoked and the wait staff was stoked because they had a job you know that's like people were happy man yeah yeah it's i mean i'll i'll respect anyone's wishes if they want to stay home if they want to go out whatever but like i understand when you say oh all the restaurants are closed there's some people there that just okay they can't they can't hunker down for three four months and then be fine like their rent is due they got they got they got to buy food they got to do all these things like so i respect that if they're like no i have to go work so but also we weren't at a beach like yeah like laying on each other and sweating and kissing and

stuff well i was at a comedy club in that literally like everybody that came in had to get their temperature taken yeah okay they had their hand sanitized really had to wear a mask to come in they had to wear their mask on the way out when they get sat at their table the tables are six feet apart right there's no party larger than four each comic had their own separate microphone that were sanitized in between so i mean there's a safe way to do this did you bring your mic from you didn't bring i jokingly brought a mic from home to do like gag that i used to do this gag where um there's gonna be bright there's gonna be bad sorry yeah it was it was it was bad it was funny once if you see me if you see me at the store and then you see me do it again the

improver like that i just saw this idiot so the joke is like i would come out i did this way before the quarantine uh i would come out and i would like look like i was like disgusted with like the microphone and i would like take it out and then put it on the table and then i'd pull out like gold microphone out of my back pocket pop it and just act like and then and then everyone like laughed because they were like so confused by me doing the first part right and then i'd be like yeah you know they don't clean those things and it just makes me look like this elitist kind of i like that the problem with that bit is it's hilarious if i'm following like uh that you know drew that stuttering guy or if i'm following you know Theo or something but if i'm following

like miss pat and i just come out and i'm like oh yeah like now now the crowd's like what the hell was that man yeah is this dude like a racist like so that's why i stopped doing it bobby lee does it you're like you know those people yeah you know those people that aren't welcome at the vfw you know what i'm talking about and i'm so dumb that i didn't put that together i was just like why did nobody laugh this time like you look like an asshole and so i stopped doing it but then i was like your neighbors went on before you and now you look like a piece of shit i'm so dumb and even connected so i brought that same mic and did the same gag each show for this oh that's fun yeah because there was four mics for us to take one of those mics down

and i'm gonna pretend like they didn't leave me a mic and i'm just gonna have to like do the gag that i brought my own yeah and and that's the thing is like you said like there's there's precautions that you could take so it's definitely like it's not yes the the safest thing would be to just stay in your homes and throw blanket over you and never leave your house yeah that's the safest thing but there are there are ways to do these shows that it's like okay yeah yeah take temperature stay spread apart and uh no no one was sat at a table with someone they didn't know so like wow it's so it's like yeah if you came in the same car together you sat at the same and i have coronavirus and i feel fine man yeah i love the big hubbub is you know that coronavirus models

would be cool if they had like a group of men or women that have it but that are fine just pretend yeah put like some sores on us that just like i don't know who would be uh what comedians be i've always jeff's only he used to be like kind of you what maybe the league is factored in i think by his confidence oh for like handsome good-looking male male comedian oh there's tons man kevin heart john malaney lachlan peterson lachlan peterson no one no one's better than malaney in there what's that lachlan patterson patterson sorry i fuck his name um no one's better looking than lachlan patterson there is that generic like not generic but there's the this there's that old ideology like oh he's too good looking to be a comedian or something if you look at like how many

like there's tons of good-looking comedians yeah other yeah richard prior i guess was kind of handsome you're a good looking guy i feel like you're like an attractive guy well but then it's like i'm an age seinfeld's not ugly johnny carson was handsome yeah because you all because you also have to factor in letterman's ugly but he's we're looking at it from the scope of los angeles like oh well i'm in la six or whatever but yeah but then you go out to south dakota to perform for the fight in midgets and you're like oh i'm a nine exactly this is awesome yeah christian leah is a good look there's like uh think about the lachlan lachlan is handsome that is a handsome dude what's the guy sometimes i don't even know what he's talking about dude he could be a comedian he could be

working for postman jack night's a good looking guy but nobody would ever go here too good looking to do comedy because that's a black guy so they're just gonna go you know that's his things a black guy you can't you can't say that he's too handsome yeah uh you spelled jack wrong jack jack he spells jay but they found it though okay google's like we know what you mean white guy i know but that's the thing is like like why is it when kevin hart's handsome they're not like he's too good looking for comedy like well he's short and he's a black guy i let him you know it's like what he's a really he's got a black pass you get a black pass for a lot of stuff handsome you know yeah so yeah there's some good looking you had to grow a mullet for god's sake everyone's going that guy's too good looking

oh dude i was i felt horror i felt so uncomfortable without long hair really oh dude once i grew my hair long i never now i couldn't even imagine it being short again i just felt i don't know i just felt so exposed before dude if you never grow out because yeah what happened i saw pictures of myself i said man i never had long hair i'm never gonna have it in my whole life i guess yeah and so then i grew it out and i was like oh wow dude i love this this is what i was supposed to have you look like some asshole kept taking me to get my hair cut my mother miss bobby dude this lady named miss bobby and i thought she was a man forever because of her name but she wasn't it was just she was like 90 and they used to call b o b b i e and she used to cut my hair for fucking four dollars dude

miss bobby miss bobby shout out to that dude and i think bobby she had scissors that was her basically her her that's that's how she got the job her yeah yeah you just show up you cut one you figure out like shit no mirrors in the whole place for you cut it no mirrors no she doesn't want you to take it yeah um so what else at the place so i didn't even think about the mics so the microphones on stage yeah because i'm just trying to think like yeah to me it did did it feel like you guys were pioneers like did you guys feel like holy shit like i didn't think i was until i got back i posted i was put you didn't post yours uh i post on instagram i posted all mine on on all the stuff just say hey i'm out comedy's back let's do this come to the shows let's have a good time blah blah blah

yeah um and i must have gotten and i'm not exaggerating probably 40 people 40 comics either text or called the next day looking for work looking at the same what was i like oh yeah yeah every two yeah i've never any letterman's never called my phone in my life yeah like we'll do snotty text back and forth like i'm like stoned at a hotel and any letterman's yeah she's great to sex with even though neither one of y'all's gonna hook up with each other any i'm no joke and he's great for that any i don't know that she just loves like fun conversations so you can like yeah that's great so you like can i just practice sexting with you yeah i was bad on the phone with her because i was just going like whoa like i was like kind of like i didn't expect anyone

to call i don't know i i shouldn't even answer yeah i got i got a few comics calling me it's too and it's like like it's like you guys know that it's just like it's comedy right same like it was it was the same it was the same yeah there's a few less people um i was more bummed that that like in between shows or during the daytime i couldn't walk around like do things in the city i did do that i was bummed about that i did that but it was just the same as kind of california like where you i walked like a coffee shop i was able to have coffee there like sat in like this park there was a bar that had like an open patio you can sit on oh there you go so that was kind of nice and i was giddy i wouldn't shut up i was sitting with two friends yeah and i just like was motor

mouth because i was so excited to be back like in the sunshine on a patio with like a cold beer and like food and i was like being able to just do yeah because i've been in my house man yeah yeah and you were so you were in oklahoma city yeah and and that and that was rough because that that club it's a great club it's in the middle of this downtown area called brick town and like i got sad walking around during the day because it's like there's a minor league baseball park right there where the uh oklahoma city dodgers play uh and then the the thunder stadium is right there too and there's a big movie theater there's a river walk there's all this stuff i'm like wow if this was all open this would have i could go into a baseball game during the day come a day

early see the thunder play see a movie like it would have been a whole great weekend so that so that club's gonna be fantastic once once everything starts opening up again it's gonna be great but that one's the club uh the same adam norwes yeah that's the deck yeah the same people that do uh takoma it looked like they packed them kind of in on yours i saw a picture of the show because i just i'm fine any of the stuff i was looking for yours i like when he told me you do i was like i didn't bread it and go in the right because i i knew we talked about you going to wise guys yeah going going going yeah and so i was looking for it and i only could find like a dude tagged you in a photo from like the back green room area yeah where the seats were yeah you nervous about

putting it on social media i was i put it on instagram because that's people that follow you that like they like you they would they love you i was i didn't put it on twitter because i was nervous that someone would start retweeting it and i was hoping someone would start calling me an asshole for going out and go ahead and fucking god damn living yeah laser talking about being you're such a hero for staying home with your parents go ahead come at me oh how heroic you millionaire you haven't had sex for two months get a life you could do it nicky you do grosser things all the time bragging about anal sex you're worried about a virus nobody's ever seen me yeah shut up yeah wear a face mask on your beholder if you want to really take care of

there's some sort of weird like a hero is it like oh we're such heroes there is well i noticed too that there's this thing where i think a lot of people want you to stay home because it gives them and i'm not saying it's about nicky but just it gives them a sense of control control and a sense of like okay i don't have to do anything nobody can do anything right there's the photo it keeps them in a safe space yeah that's the one i was referring to yeah so that's pretty close to each other wow that's nice man yeah well they only look close to each other compared to where i played i guess well that and it's like okay i mean i'll tell you that from the stage this is a weird angle because yes it looks very close to each other but it's like those photos of the beach where they're where

they're like so and so is on the beach you know all the all the people and then if you really zoom in you're like oh no people are separate yeah like they're not like they're not like throwing a towel like on top of each other or like in the nfl they always air the game from the side so it looks like those linemen are right next to each other but if there was like a bird's eye viewer right north to south yeah they'll see that there's a gap yeah yeah there's gaps so yeah or like whenever you get to catch a fish remember if you caught a fish and you put in the back of a fake truck remember and took that picture you're like look at this big fish and it was just a um little fish yeah favorite dude it was great and they all obviously do that they they all had a great time and uh yeah it was

just so like i got so many messages after we're yeah everyone's want to know yeah and all my scared friends going uh huh yeah you're doing that yeah it's almost like you guys are almost like the kneel arm strong and whoever the and buzz halter and i feel like a comedy i'm not even joking man it was like i was like oh my god because i've been taking a break from having guests just having guests on the podcast has been really tired and so yeah but i was like oh my god i said i i just have to know about this well and i i think yeah that's bread yeah there we go oh nice it's a good shot i'm up there uh yeah well because i didn't do a meet and greet afterward so i had a moment where i was like all right everyone take take out your phones and i'm gonna do some poses on the stage

so you can like have a photo and post on your social media because i i didn't want to do a meet and greet so i started like grabbing the mic stand and like doing stuff that i would never do actually during my act and i thought uh social distancing i'll just wave a mic stand around my face and uh must be strong man those mic stands are heavy they are they are pretty heavy little compact biceps i also want to go in it's and uh was brad williams brad williams comic at brad williams comic was amazing funny his help for someone so little what does that mean that's the comment funny his help for someone so little what do you think a tiny person telling jokes isn't going to be good i thought i thought the laughs would be one third of how they fit all the funny in that little

guy yeah i mean he's tiny i didn't think a tiny guy would be funny i will admit my mean greek got irresponsible that is because yeah because you know i'm talking a big game on stage acting like i don't care i'm doing all these jokes about how like i was like i didn't get my chronovirus from some millenials sneezing how many new but when i heard about it i ordered bats i ate a bat that's what i did i want it from the source i got it the right way so i'm doing all these like and that's riling them up a little you know and so it's riling them up in the worst way we're like yeah fuck these masks what are we you know and like that's the worst i'm that's irresponsible but i was just doing comedy and then afterwards at the meet and greet they're like hey can we get a photo

with you and i was like yeah you want a mask or no mask and they're like dude we don't care about that and they're like all touching like it did get a little yeah but do you get nervous at that point a little not okay yeah then yeah then the guys were like starting to lick your face and stuff that was a little inappropriate the same thing i thought as earlier it's like they're obviously you know if they get sick they get sick yeah that's on them yeah it's interesting it's like it's definitely become i think a lot of people that are it's like you know do i am i risking getting sick or am i just do i think that this thing is kind of run its course do i feel like we've done everything that we can is like by flattening the curve it's always kind of two weeks

you know every time they say like oh two weeks to this two weeks to that um i think you just got to make your decision yeah it's like yeah i would never judge anyone for wearing gloves out in public and doing the mask and like keeping the i think that's great i think that's awesome i just if you don't want to do that that you know like what's that one guy god they gave us like free will yeah yeah we love that about him we love that he lets us do whatever well like whatever the consequences are yeah that's your yeah that because that's the way that i feel a lot of times i'm still gonna be smart and wise i've always had i feel like decent instincts so i'm gonna trust my instincts yeah and and like it like my parents are both like 75 and my dad's my dad's immune

compromised he should not be right going out and if you're gonna go hang out with him you shouldn't be i exactly right i should go get tested exactly like like if if if grandma's living with you at your house then then you have a different responsibility uh so we're not saying like everyone just go out but if you're young healthy 30 30 year old 20 year old and you're like i want to go just have a little bit of fun and there's a very responsible there was very few times someone was in like my bubble right to be honest like if i look over the entire weekend there was very few times that anyone is it was even that close to me yeah there really is actually whenever you go to a comic club there's not there's really aren't a lot of times a step where you're in the green

room with other comics there's not a lot of times and if you don't do meet and greet then there's not a lot of times where you interact like real too close with other people really you come out on stage yeah i mean you're almost really the safest person in the room in a lot of ways that was my that was my thought and i even i even uh when i was doing my show i even tried to be at the back of the stage because i thought oh if i talk and like i spit out and because i've done that before where i've been on stage and i've said something and i and i watched this oh yeah oh yeah and it's like oh that's going right in yeah oh that's that guy's getting i had one guy walk on the friday early show because um we had all the microphones out there uh all all three of them i guess because

i told him to strike one of them and then i used the thing and so the other two microphones are just behind me with the things in and i'm saying like right guys are we really that scared even the people that are the most scared who claim that they're the most scared of this they're they're all they're all at home going would you watch tiger king and singing sending each other like big black eyed dick memes like nobody's really that afraid if this is the end of the world like no one seems to really be that scared and so the people are like you know cheering up and so i got right we're not afraid and i just started palming the other mics like uh oh like of the other comics like mics like with my bare hands well that's also because you're in utah in utah and that basketball

player rudy gay no not rudy go bare rudy go bare go bare go bare rudy gay and so i was i thought it would be funny like to do like a thing like that also they sanitize those mics in between and i'm the last guy so that we're gonna sanitize those then he was um so i thought it was funny everyone's like having to laugh and this dude was fucking furious he like stood up he like went to the front he's like what is he doing i mean this is the whole thing is that we were doing this like responsibly and he's doing over and i was like wow so that guy's kind of in the middle then that guy's like yeah well and you also watch the whole show with his mask on he had like like the entire most people took the mask off for the show and then they put their mask back on he had his

whole thing you tell him how brave is that guy though think about that like if you if in your head that's where you are fear wise right when you go to a place yeah and you're like yeah i'm gonna rough it out yeah i'll make myself do this yeah it's my wife's birthday yeah and like i said if you want if you want to stay home i'm not going to make fun of anyone for wanting to stay home like stay home it's fine but then if someone wants to go out and be responsible and you know it's like yeah if you're if you're walking up to people and strangers and spitting on them or licking their faces okay you're kind of a dick but yeah but if everyone's kind of like playing their part and doing their thing okay we can start we start coming back to what we to what we had

before when some people are making it sound like just by leaving your home at any time to do anything you're a part of the problem like you must be some republican crazy person who thinks this virus isn't real it's like no there's ways to go about your life and try to earn some money and try to like have your job or try to maintain groceries there's ways that you can go do your life yeah oh no i had safely right and responsibly not as good not as what it was but yeah it's like are people being responsible yeah yeah i had someone yell at me in my neighborhood for taking my dog for a walk because i didn't have my mask on it's like no one no one walks toward no one walks towards us no one does anything i'm taking my dog for a walk like that and and i got an i have an 80

pound pit bull i need to be able to breathe and have some oxygen to hold the whole thing back like this dude is huge i'd pay to watch you watch you one time i just sell tickets to just me walking my dog yeah it's a midget walking a pit bull yeah that's just so cool on on an only fans i'd watch that and i'd watch that i would i literally i want an image of that like just of like brad just mine his business he's got like oh i got i probably got some photos on my instagram about it you could have an insane only fans i feel like if you really wanted to dude if i wanted to like like if you want to really push that oh uh so so this is something that uh my wife and i did do because uh uh we have a four month old child and uh my wife uh sold her breast milk to some to some hell yeah

bought to some bodybuilders is that legal uh maybe yeah that's my dog in california it is no you can but like did she make good money it was like the same as like a gallon of homogenized milk how much money no i don't think you ask what how much money i think it is what you just accept that they needed the money and they did it you charge you charge a little more if someone says hey man i'm a big fan of the avant how much for your used underwear you like get out of here gross yeah gross man and then like how about 500 grand you're like yeah i get you a couple pairs and that's how i'm thinking about like breast milk is like here i am being a judgey yeah then when i hear the amounts i'm gonna go all right yeah it was it it was more than a gallon of milk let's just say that and so people

what they price wise and what you weren't sending more than a gallon of her oh no that would take a while no the price yeah the price was your wife yeah yeah so dehydrated now how do you uh when they get that what do you put it in like a little bag or something yeah there's a there's a bag there because my wife would also donate breast milk to to to some hospitals to where like something like mad max yeah sure remember those women they had like yeah they were like the lactation people pulling that milk out the lady right there yeah i've never had it actually i had a little i think a girl put something on her mouth once just off her finger but this is at a restaurant dude this is like after the restaurant closed and a family was still in there this is after the restaurant

closed the family was still in there okay well did you like did you like get it from the source that you like squirt across the room or how did it happen from the source man i want to know where this is in Tucson grew up this is in Tucson dude a lady was in there i'm a mechanic where they'll put a little person in the engine to work on it miss bobby's got no mirrors it's just cutting hair you got a horse at a restaurant a family dining establishment gave you breast milk from the source she put a little on her finger but what are these men doing with that brad when they get they were uh bodybuilders and so breast milk uh allegedly has like a higher protein so like some um but so like some bodybuilders really like to have breast milk so uh i i've got some friends

that are in that community and and once they found out they're like shoot we get no way i'm like sure but pay for yeah i'm gonna give you my baby's milk you think i'm squeezing my wife out over here yeah exactly look at this here it says right here body mothers are making thousands of dollars selling their pumped breast milk online to bodybuilders some bodybuilders claim breast milk helps build muscle mass more than any other food i could see that you know it's just about making money that you feel weird about oh breast milk is actually much lower in protein than cow's milk and bodybuilders specifically large men uh need much more protein oh so it they're wrong if you can find us a chart actually that shows like uh the protein in breast milk compared to other

milk yeah but you know it was a nice little it was a nice little side hustle oh definitely so i i got a golden doodle right i just got him he's like oh okay he's like six months old now yeah great dog and every time um there's been times people go you're gonna get them neutered and i say yeah i'm not yet he's only six months he does he's nuts haven't even dropped and then one lady she goes uh oh you're not gonna neuter him are you and i was like oh one of these people right and so i was like well i mean i don't know probably i haven't thought about it she's like well you know it's good money and i was like what and she goes oh well like what you can do is you can there's like a stud fee we're basically like if you want your dog to have sex you'll like

they'll someone will take your dog for a few hours bring them back your dog is just gets to have sex and then they come back and hand you a check for for a pretty good amount wow yeah okay yeah that happens yeah that's great my dog needs sex anyways i'm not gonna watch but like they want to take him off my hands for a little while he can go do that they say give me a thousand bucks and then my dog comes back all happy and tired i think that's a pretty good deal and you got a fat G yeah it's not like a golden doodle girl is going to show up on our doorstep like yeah my father lives here right yeah we need some child support like it's like it seems like a totally just scratching it scratching at the bottom of the door totally harmless thing oh here it says right here in one cup

of breast milk yeah um you have two you have 2.5 grams 2.5 grams of that's not much protein that's not yeah because the cow's milk has 12 grams is that is that compared net eight do you see the other there eight grams and cows milk whole eight grams and one percent eight grams and skim yeah so it's the less so it has the same amount as like almond milk virtually all right well there you go which is not even milk it's just nut water yeah there you go but there you go bodybuilder yeah dude almond milk is just nut water you didn't know he's getting milk why are they calling it they should call it nut water they really should because they they soak the almonds in water nut juice or nut milk yeah i mean nut water i mean that they should have like a rogue god almond

milk company and that's what they would do to like separate themselves like yeah milk out there you guys are calling yourselves almond milk um and where do you drop that off in person do you leave that at the door how do they get oh for the uh breast milk bodybuilders yeah we uh we dropped off in person wow then wow i love that dude i like anything you can make in the back of the car making it yeah he's in there pumping it out buy my urine i'd be like sure i'll get you as much as you want you're just keeping her hydrated you keep buying her gatorades every other of seven eleven yeah it's like hair man hair's free man yeah it was great because yeah there's there's never a good time to go through a pandemic but like we got the baby at home so it's like and thankfully my wife

you know the baby breastfeed so it's like that's a renewable food source that's like i didn't have to go out and buy baby food or anything like that we just had food for the baby it was great yeah that's awesome support for this past weekend comes from manscaped who is number one in men's below the belt grooming i will let you know it is manscaped they offer precision engineered tools for your family jewels baby that low box you know what i'm talking about crotch it's time to take care of your junk manscape does something that other places don't do they have a mower it is called the lawn mower 2.0 it's waterproof and it's skin safe technology so you can't freaking grip your own sack you can't get it stuck up into your uh pubis or anything like that you can take care of your

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after the show like did the energy did the energy feel the same like in the room during the show yeah but more i i thought more just because everyone was just so excited to be out like and there were lines that i would say that i would thought like all right this kind of a throwaway line and just something casual and that it would get a reaction when i'm like oh yeah it felt like a full room for yeah really yeah like uh i i wrote a real basic joke about how like like every when the virus happened every company had had to put out their coronavirus commercial oh where they're just like you know every commercial right now starts starts off we're gonna get through this yeah like we get that in trying times and all i said was like does every

we don't need every company's response to coronavirus and there was a cheer in the room and i'm like oh that's true though okay people feel that way yeah it's like it's like i get it AT&T insurance let let me know what you're doing to lower my rates or whatever but there's literally a commercial from orio fucking cookie yeah i was getting emails from like well's fargo like don't worry yeah i'm not worried about you you're a bank you'll be fine you'll be fine glass we're fine yeah don't worry our ATMs are clean and it's like so weird yeah so like stuff like that yeah yeah yeah it's like coca-cola is like here's what we're doing it's like yeah no you're you're making sugar water that's what you're doing it's fine no i will say the thing

i was most most nervous about and again this is selfish i just thought i might be rusty because this is the longest i've ever gone without doing stands for 15 years so i was like months or whatever i was afraid i'd be rusty but them being so generous and then also i realized i wasn't that rusty like i was i felt rusty on that virtual show did it feel weird did it feel weird going back into like like uh because like if i were to get back on stage i'm like i'm i have some new stuff i would kind of do but otherwise it's like you got to change all the bits and i'm just in the verbiage so i you know i usually get up there i got just got back from mexico so i'm going to all my mexico stuff right i can't say i can't you know or like if i want to make a joke

about something that happened between me and a girl i'll usually lie and be like i took this girl on a date like you know the other day or like last week yeah now can't say that yeah so i had to be like oh i remember god i think it was last year i took this girl on a date yeah and but even that little adjustment was hard to do like and it feels so dishonest and like so but i know i haven't been doing anything right yeah there there there's a bit i do about how like i'm uh it's something that my neighbor said to me because i'm never home i'm always traveling so then my neighbor saw me in front of my house and then said something to me like i didn't live in my house right it's like i can't do that that that won't work yeah no it's because it's like no no i've been home for three

months they they know me now i would start jokes like i would start a joke in the guy i gotta change that start like you know the quick math you do in your head right that's not gonna work yeah only a comic would notice or only like i you know quickly i would uh i would liken it to where if you've ever done those shows the laugh factory on like christmas and thanksgiving where they feed the homeless and then they have you and have the comics go on stage and perform for the homeless there there's some bits you don't want to do right for homeless people like you know when your car breaks oh okay yeah like you know when you're yeah this dinner's pretty good where's all the hooch they're like what like i remember watching joe coyne one of these shows and this is

years ago and he was uh doing his bit about like orange chicken and pandex press he's like you guys know what he stopped it's like he has no panics and like that's pretty like they're like of course we take a shit in there every every day but like no they know all the business but like no one knew about it in in that room you're like oh fuck but like if you you felt bad you felt condescending you felt like i i but that's what a professional does is you have to adjust and then paul mooney just went on stage and destroyed the room oh really he wasn't he homeless now isn't that how that works i'm like i have no idea i hope not he had a special out a couple years ago oh he did yeah i mean he could also be homeless now but he's just a psycho yeah so i thought he's like you

know a lot of homeless people are psychos oh yeah speak the language but yeah so it's that thing we're what they're he's like able to talk to him dude the homeless people in mitesaw was jogging the other day and there's a homeless like i live right by a park over in westwood and so there's a lot of homeless now but living in the park but they got campers the city got campers and put them up since uh the virus got the campers and put them in different campers so a lot of times at night yeah it's really it's really pretty nice they're nice they're nice campers i'll jog by at night and the other night i'm jogging by and there's a guy out there smoking out on the uh he's like sitting like on the step of the open door of his camper and he's got music going and uh

and it's like james brown or something something pretty fun pretty loud and then behind him there's a truck a sewage truck backing up there's a guy with a hose in a full hazmat suit and ppp like the shield and everything walking up to it with a um to drain the sewage out of the camper uh and i'm just like this is so bizarre i'm like here you have a homeless guy yeah who's you know just doing whatever he wants yep and then you have like how much is this costing to have this sewage guy yes i mean and literally walking up like he was like he was in armageddon or something yeah like so scared full body suit walking up pandemic and this dude's job is to deal with the piss and shit of homeless people that's true i'd be sleeping in a hazmat right dude i'd need a couple breaths

that job he's not telling jokes he's not telling jokes to some middle-class people in utah yeah i mean this dude is yeah that's the job did it feel like it was just uh the audiences that came out did it feel like it was just rich people or anything that didn't have that vibe or just felt like just regular people it's quite the opposite i'm just kidding uh all walks alive because there was there was definitely people that uh do you ever have someone come to your show and tell you all the struggles that they're going through and you're like bro maybe you shouldn't be spending money on a comedy show right now like because there because there there were some people that i got some messages afterward it's like uh yeah the whole family like lost our jobs and oh no and we

haven't had anything yeah and we're all drinking each other's breast milk yeah and our lights went out but man the fact that your show but we bought tickets to your show and i'm like dude maybe for fifty dollars a ticket it was worth every penny yeah no no no no it's like whoa that was fifteen dollars ticket well i don't know you pay a scalper like but like there there there are some people where you're like whoa don't don't like save your money like save your money for but then uh there there was some other guy that uh because i wasn't doing the meet and greet i wasn't selling merch and i got this message from a guy that was like hey you didn't sell merch this week ago no he goes so you probably lost out on some money i go yeah he goes what's your venmo and he venmoed me a

a little bit of money and i'm like oh okay wow and so thank you that guy yeah wow so yeah were you were you guys allowed were you allowed to sell merch there i could uh my feature act sold merch so i could if i wanted to which now that i think about it the fact that my feature acts sold merch and that and then we were in the green room together probably defeated that whole purpose of me selling merch but yeah the skipping the meet and greet didn't help anybody yeah yeah yeah no but uh yeah i sold merch yeah that nobody wanted it yeah i saw like that old my old album that like most of the it's like been out for years yeah and also it's cd oh yeah dude i used to sell cd bro the craziest part was i was used to bring the the cd uh duplicator on the road i had one of

those three discers oh the three discers during the day you're working and it would say read on it it would say read on it whenever it like started to get the disc and then you would less you would hear it heating up i had like one it was pretty cheap so it would heat really hot like that fan would start going yeah who knows if some of those even work oh dude that's a that's a roll in the dice then i would i got one of your CDs was blank like that happens man yeah i was doing three at a time yeah i pull them out early sometimes right i gotta have a bit i was like bro it ain't that good anyway i'm new sorry you're lucky you're lucky my first cd is humiliated when people tell me they got that i'm like just take this new one for free yeah it's fine yeah

i have your first album no you didn't you know i forgot about that and i would go buy this the clear cases and put it in and then get the xerox and cut the freaking thing and put sure i mean and sell them yeah now it's like you just have a now they already have your album or they can stream it for free like it's hard like that's what sucks is because merch is a big way for comics to make money oh yeah you make an extra 200 300 bucks it's huge it's tough to like not have something to sell to them yeah yeah so yeah you had to leave a lot of money on the table if you didn't sell merch but uh you know it's just yeah i'll i'll get to that point and if you want to buy some bread with mr just go just go to bread believes company dot com yeah there's the commercial i'll

send it to you the good thing is you probably know like okay i'm just gonna bring 30 or 40 sure you know it's like i'm only gonna bring this many things because it's because so it at at uh and where you were at Salt Lake City it was 100 people yeah i think it was 100 people per show and yeah me it was like between 100 and 125 wow per per show but yeah i i tell you what saved my life during the damn uh pandemic was uh being on cameo that's safe oh really that saved my ass uh because uh st patrick's they happened and i said and i said on my social media that oh nice i will that i will send i will dress up as as a leprechaun and send a message personalized yeah personalized mess he's got bro i made so much money i bet that's a big day it was great so yeah those are the best

ones thank god if you have some sort of like shtick you know like scott steiner that old wrestler he's like oh his are you send me it and i'll i'll i'll punk your wife i'll do whatever you want i'll like well i'll run a um what is that called train no that's a nick was thinking wasn't it it's got sider because that stuff is it's cut a problem just saying because he and his brother always do everything together that's all i'm saying him and rick those are hilarious because yeah and so he just talks shit to these people and it's so good yeah and why is he dressed like that's how he even not that was his wcw kind of like gimmick when he would come out wearing that kind of stuff if you hear me yeah i miss the old maybe the old one when he had the uh the things on his the wrestling

that's rick his brother yeah yeah from the university he always looked kind of like i just like a strong weird collegiate wrestler with like big hair and then rick would come out like a dog and like a pee on the turnbuckle yeah rick was crazy man there they go there they are but then steiner brothers then that's see the go to the next one the steroids got that's like the mass yeah and he and he's like 50 look at this bicep you can't build a bicep like that that guy will buy your breast milk right there man frightening that is frightening god if you're listening that guy makes i got a breast milk that guy is serving his own stock he's got so awful he's like oh i don't what is it like where you don't where drug dealers like deal drugs but then they use them sometimes

he's like he gets high on his own supply hey i've been doing some of this no he's like y'all jacked i love how every sports league shut down and pro wrestling was like fuck y'all we are the man owns it we are gonna keep going the dude killed a wrestler on accident and then sued his wife for breach of contract that's how evil vince vinceman does not care at all the only reason he didn't do wrestling in tampa as scheduled is because the city of tampa had to be like hey man you can't right he's like they had to interfere you can't do it yeah we're gonna do it he's like do you know much money this makes me damn it we're gonna do it for our fans dude a lot of places are um there's like a lot of pushback now it seems like because cities are saying you can do certain

things then we have an article maybe something about that nick there's cities saying you can do certain things but then people are now like filing lawsuits that they just can't take it anymore well something that doesn't make sense to me is like they've said all right the lockdown is going to be three more months but also we're opening businesses like what yeah truly confused that's very confusing to me yeah you see some articles go to the article man this is it okay uh orders aimed at reducing the spread of criminalized right now facing legal challenges from residents and state officials alike one of these is pretty wild um you can't really sue the government right now they're already giving out their money to people who are stuck at home that's tough but

but but I get the frustration like you're you want to make money you're you're you're really going to go out and make money and then the government says no stay home and don't make money and you're like oh so you're gonna pay me well no we're gonna give you like well but it's also just tricky the government isn't making the virus like the government's like dude we're trying to kind of save your ass like it's tricky it's like the wrong person to absolutely like look at in Texas says the attorney general warned that he could take action against the cities of Austin San Antonio and Dallas if they do not scale back orders that are more restrictive and that's the attorney general then the the governor is moving towards reopening the state um and said that while

business have the freedom to reopen or remain closed local governments do not have the option to keep them closed California faces a dozen lawsuits that claim the state has unjustly closed down gun chops and religious services and fringed on freedoms of speech and assembly what do you think about that about a religious services yeah I think it's kind of like stand up man you got to go to that responsibly yeah that's what I say like if you want to go to it then go to it but just like you got like you got to understand that's one of my biggest things and this is my might make you some of the listeners annoyed people don't take like their own responsibility so like right they'll smoke for 40 years and then go isn't it sad I have cancer it's like no dude yeah I yes we love you

mom but like you don't get to smoke for 40 and they're going oh well I need disability because I'm a big fat lardo and I eat McDonald's 75 times in one day for the last 30 years yeah no responsibility and so it's like they all want health care but like a lot of the health care like you don't even take health precautions like that's the beauty of freedom is that we get to do what we want you don't get to do what you want and then be a victim you don't get to go like well I should be able to jog through the park naked and nobody yes but that's not the reality we live in right yeah like you can't you jog to the park naked stuff's gonna happen yeah eat McDonald's things happen if you're a lion tamer for the circus and and the lion bites your arm off yes you can't

sue the circus part of it yeah and also I love that you're lion tamer but don't cry to me when your arm gets bitten yeah and if you want to eat McDonald's 75 times I love that but don't cry to me about your diabetes that's how that works yeah I wonder if there's a way though because like it's always same with me actually let's do this sorry not going if I get coronavirus tomorrow that's my fault because I was stupid idiot who's doing comedy shows because we went so it's the same thing of like personal responsibility like that's on me yeah it's like it'd be way safer if no one played professional football right but these guys it's their choice exactly yeah yeah it's kind of that same argument when people I was like man these full players keep getting hurt but it's like

but they're playing football right they signed up to play football yeah there was a doctor a week or a week ago I think who put a picture he's on an airplane he's flying from New York to San Francisco and it's a full plane and he's like I can't believe they said that this that this plane is full you know this is so dangerous it's like him and 25 doctors but it's like but you're on the plane right like if you don't want to be sure like it's just yeah yeah it's like we want our creature comforts but once they start to like I don't know I don't understand kind of that's the whole road I was going down is like we everyone is so victimy and soft about that kind of stuff it's so frustrating yeah here you go Dr. Ethan Weiss I guess United's relaxing and social distancing

policy these days every seat full on this 737 yeah and I but at that point you have the opportunity if you want to get off the plane yeah I mean it's you have the freedom to make those kind of decisions I know that when I flew on on American Airlines there was a couple in front of me that had their that had their infant child like and they're and I just kept thinking to myself why does that why does that baby have to fly right like but okay yeah that's your shit why not even go a step further this might like so I would say like oh maybe they should have drove you know like don't be on a crowded plane where we share air with other people yeah maybe they should have drove rent a car drive to wherever this emergency destination is that you're taking

this infant right and then people say oh Jeff what if they can't afford it well they should have get a better job they should have worked hard like I eat like even those things and say well some people can't well then work hard just take your burden and bear it if you're broke get rich if you're fat you don't like it lose weight if you're fat and you're happy great flaunt it what you just do whatever is working for you I mean like do better yeah there has to be some social record yeah there's no response to like there's we keep making it so like we always just keep helping the lowest common denominator which in America you can be like I mean I've been to India before and like they'll have handicap people like dragging themselves on the ground because they don't have

a wheelchair they don't or like if they're lucky to get like a skateboard or something or make something like that you know where it's like in the US it's like everything we really get catered to I don't really comfortable but they keep like catering to like okay somebody can you know not do anything their whole life live in a bubble you know it's the worst yeah finally come out once to gun down both their parents you know born without thumbs so you know we better send them a check every month and he's like well I can't work I got no thumbs like dude and I learned all this like my ideologies from traveling the world and I see things and I go man if they can do it I was poor I lived in a car and I started doing I found a job where I didn't need a high school diploma or I

didn't need like I found a job that works I'm a moron so I need to find a job where morons can make the fact that I'm rich is ridiculous and it makes me go just figure it out do what you gotta do at least these morons with like Mcmillan's at least they found a scam to get money like that's a great doc find something you know yeah do what you gotta do yeah it's like I can't be a professional basketball player right because you know you had to find another way because I'm white right but uh yeah but like so I found a job where I could I could be a professional you figure it out do it did you ever did you ever think because you were a smaller person Brad that um in stature only that you uh that you um should have got like a extra something from the government or

anything like a tlc show or something like a tlc show every dwarf gets a tlc show that's all they do that's what it's gonna be like one day they should just have the dwarf network we got all we got we got the wwe network you got like diy networks just have the dwarf network it'd be cool all dwarf shows all the time serious yeah the only problem with those is they're always trying to convince that there's nothing unordinary right the entire time we're just like everyone else no no we're not you're not like everyone else i'm not like everyone else the show would be super boring yeah the guy runs and jumps up into bed we want to see how you how you're navigating your life because it's inspirational to know that you're reg that you're just like all of us yeah except

you're dealing with something that makes you different than us but like how yeah i'm not like everybody else because uh i have to put my bag up at the up in the overhead storage bin and i got to get fucking creative black guys don't come up to me and go wait what's up big man like look at this one look at the guy like that never right he's different okay yeah we just but yeah it's like we don't make people we don't make people like have to be better themselves really you know it's like we'll just keep making it more comfortable we don't challenge it doesn't seem like we challenge look at food people people just eat for taste yeah all they care about is the mouth the food is to feel you it's supposed to like make your body operate at a high level if but we just

all we care about is the taste part it'd be like filling your car up with like Mountain Dew just every day and then the engine sees is in the mechanic a doctor is like uh dude have you been putting soda pop in this car it's like yeah dude loves Mountain Dew like no this runs on fuel and you're like dude it loves mountain okay boy you're gonna have to keep coming here yeah the engine's gonna have to be stripped and fixed yeah every single time you put Mountain Dew in this thing you're like Mountain Dew is what it likes what do you know that's what we do with our own bodies we get one body in our entire life and we just put shit in it and then once we get like to 40 we realize we've got you know problems and we need pills and medications like yes stupid you've

been doing it yourself and we get them that's the thing in the US we get them I feel like I wonder if we didn't have those things like to help us you know like if we didn't know that like there's a there's a some bailout program that's gonna be there there's a way like if we all went completely broke we know there's probably a way where we're gonna get housing somehow that we're gonna get probably able to be able to get medicine or parents like yeah and yeah it doesn't make us challenge ourselves any but I don't know how you do that I don't know how you we'll know that like worst-case scenario you can go stay with your parents until you get back on your feet right like worst-case scenario especially if like you're a clean person like if you don't drink and drugs

stuff like you'll probably have a thousand couches you can write like you'll never be homeless right if you can keep up like what you're doing but people that don't have that that's why rich kids statistically famously don't do much because they're like they're comfy they've never had to right they always know that backups there that's what people might be doing subconsciously with their health it's gonna they'll take care of oh yeah I'm sure I think I'm sure I've done it in my own life you know I smoked not a ton but I smoked semi decently probably till about maybe two months ago now cigarettes yeah really over two months off cigarettes yeah but it's like I can't blame it I definitely feel better god it was the worst yeah yeah that's that's the great like whenever I

actually eat like a kale salad with very little salad dressing on it I go damn it I I feel like a lot better well even the placebo of that if like I'm doing the right thing yeah I've made a good decision like I feel good like I have like I don't have to still go walk yeah walk around you know I never smoke cigarettes because I'm pretty susceptible to peer pressure I just want to be part of the gang you know I want to be friends uh so like when everyone is smoking weed they're always like man this is the best let's get like a marijuana sweatshirt I'll wear to school like weed's the best oh yeah and like Dr. Dre we're gonna go to Janine's house we're gonna drink you guys we want to drink alcohol but even like so everything looks really good you can get it anybody who would smoke cigarettes

around me be like man don't do this I hate this shit man like wow there's wow this is so like I just saw that commercial I was like I'm never gonna do that I've never seen anyone enjoy a cigarette that's really true they're just sitting there going I can't believe I do this it's expensive it stinks I hate it don't don't ever do this this is bad it's so true people are like don't ever do this wow they're doing it yeah that was me oh I'd be miserable and fucking smoking yeah because no one ever does that with like good sex like don't do this yeah yeah no one's ever fucking like a hot person to be like ah I this is horrible I hate this you want to eat a sandwich and you're like oh this is the worst don't eat one of these later it's like what brownies you're doing it yeah and that comes

with the placebo of self-loathing and stuff so like when you're doing that you're kind of feeling gross about yourself like man I shouldn't be doing this I said I was gonna quit blah blah so there's the opposite effect of that kills out it's psychological but then so but then there's so like you know we could like they have cigarettes people can have them if they want to right they're available but do you blame like the government for allowing nope like there to be cigarettes that people can have even though they're addictive or it's free will man you can do whatever you want but just don't cry to me when you get lung cancer yeah yeah don't say it's so sad you died early man you chose that but good for you I love that you want to do that yeah it's like it's like why

do we watch the dude walk across the volcano on the tightrope because in the back of your head you're like wow I'd never he could fall yeah and also I'd never do that I'm heroic to me yes and then if that dude fell in the volcano and died would we feel bad for him no we'd all be like well he walked across the volcano I always think about that with the football analogy of like they wouldn't have posters of these guys on my walls as a kid and think they're like these hero Titans if it was safe yeah that's what makes them cooler than my dad is like they can go crush schools and like literally like throwing footballs 50 it's not like I have a poster of my step that willy on my wall here's uncle wow he got his graduate degree from fbw or whatever these things

look at his stats miss bobby look at me returns he filed last last year oh man what a legend I would be pretty cool if they had uh like heroic posters for this regular dude yeah mr. sense and bob he's taught physical education in school for 40 years what a legend what a legend what have we got in the news neck anything exciting going on uh this was kind of funny chucky cheese because people didn't seem to be wanting to order them on some of the food delivery apps they changed their branding nobody wanted crappy pizza they changed their branding to pasquale's pizza and trying to pretend they're like urban market uh or uh that latino what does pasquale's mean pasquale is actually a number another member of chuckie cheese's rap band oh but no one knows that I hate that I knew that you

knew that you fuck yeah animatronic rap I also love that you you ever wally and then there's a purple one and then the grimace uh not grimace though and then there's the no his name is munch munch when little people are smaller people when you guys see like better be munch characters do you guys feel like there's like a like a sense of like you it doesn't seem like you like do you know what i'm talking about kind of what like because you guys get like a lot of the same attention I feel like as like maybe snow white at disneyland or like oh yeah oh dude like because all right when you see characters like like pasquale or like chuck chuckie yeah do you feel like a symbiosis with them like do you feel like kind of well they all get stared at but no it was funny because like uh my job

before I was a comic is I worked at disneyland because I grew up in southern california then that's a great way for high school great job yeah it's great oh yeah it was a great place to meet gay dudes too I mean you're not wrong it is not wrong bro is a really a homerotic hotbed down I didn't know oh yeah it is very it's very horrible I go to I go to disneyland all the time with my guy friends yeah and no idea they're probably going in is one of us I have another gay guy right there a couple graduates yeah no it was fun because I got a lot I got a lot of attention from the girls that worked there because I was like one of the only straight dudes oh yeah work there uh all right I was not one of the seven that's not okay I was a bodyguard for the characters it's called being

a character host yeah you walk around with them yeah just like make sure well the seven dwarfs are actually gigantic when they're in the costume yeah come out they're huge they're not they should actually hire dwarfs and then make the costume smaller yeah what they should do yes mr munch I got it right there he is ha the current I am a loser current incarnation of the character is called munch's make-believe band oh it's his band chucky band leader Helen Haney mr munch jasper joules and pasquale here's the thing if you're gonna open a restaurant right a restaurant arcade for children why pick a rodent to be like the man like that's the number one thing you don't want in a kitchen oh yeah I think like Chuck E cheese yeah yeah it's a mouse like a Chuck E cheese TMZ has a thing

out for Chuck E cheese would you admit that net yeah he is out for y'all but your buddy TMZ hates Chuck E cheese every week Chuck and cheese who is it your body does your body man Gianna Gianna Gianna's Chuck E cheese too uh he tweeted something about it was actually kind of funny you posted something how he hated people who were getting takeout from Chuck E cheese before this actually happened one of his friends the next day dropped some off at his house and a couple hours later Gianni tweeted uh Chuck E cheese is better than in and out fighting well he drove to Chuck E cheese he like filmed it with his phone you know how like all I skip through most of your shit I don't know but you know how all young people like that's that's what the new like youtuber and tiktok is

like them ranting in their car yeah like that with like quick edits for some reason where like just jumps from like random like that's the whole video and it's like them just like taking a hard take on like pineapple on pizza or something but that he did like a hard take on how you like Chuck E cheese they should all be closed they're all creepy the food is shitty and he did like a whole thing but he did definitely did it before all this yeah they go after Chuck E cheese all the time there's always I remember they found a piece of scalp in one of the ball pits or something there weren't and that's what set it off that's a big deal but we used to go on dates I remember people would do like a mate like I remember like if your mom and somebody else's mom that had like

a cute child or something okay they would set you up on a little date at Chuck E and it would sit at the other table you'd sit at one table to parents and the kids would sit at another table like a little double date kind of I always like their pizza I might get the squallies take out really I always thought it was good I'm not I mean it's hard to screw up pizza in my opinion maybe it's because I was eight but like bro I have no jokes I have my 34th birthday at uh Chuck E cheeses in Baton Rouge Louisiana and I could only invite five people why that's the rule that was like the amount we paid for in the package and um was were they a little alarmed that it was 34 year old birthday well the funny part was it would be like if they had the birthday tables and

it was like Hannah six Jonathan four Theo 34 family yeah and then the band would come by I loved it man you know uh it's so awesome so this is a bit I do on stage so I'm gonna try to not do it as it's a bit true story I went to Legoland on my day off in Kansas City and just me I was like I could spend a day at Legoland I'll just check it out it'll like like I do Disneyland or something I was gonna convince one of my guy friends to come down and so I get there parking lot I felt too weird being alone Legoland so I call my buddy Derek I say hey I'll just wait in the car till you get here he gets there I'm 30 I think I was 35 at the time my buddy Derek's like 37 or something so we meet we go to the front gate and they wouldn't sell us tickets to come to Chuck E to go to

Legoland really and I said what's why and they go because you have to have like a kid with you and I was like well we don't have kids and they're like yeah but we don't just let random men walk around respect and I was like what do you mean they're like we have adult night twice a month and if you want to come to adult nights like I'm not here for adult night I'm only in town this week I want to go to Legoland and they were like well and I was like why are you doing this and like well because we don't want you know kidnappings we you know we're trying to prevent you I was like well you're gonna cause a kidnap because I'm about to go steal the kids to get into Legoland well also like would I be the best kidnapper in the world like that kid would

be so happy he's like oh this guy's great my dad never takes me to Legoland interesting now he dropped me back off at home no sex just fun yeah exactly he didn't try to fuck me or anything yeah now would they let this guy's great now would they let two women go go into Legoland with without kids we should test it I don't know because they were pretty like weird what's a good point because like all right because I've kind of a similar story I was uh out of mall and I they got those uh I think they're called busy bees it's like it's like a Chuck E cheese there's tubes and ball bits and shit and I was in the middle of the Midwest doing shows and I'm by myself I'm like you know what fuck it I guess they'll fit in those tubes let's go let's go to busy bees

so I so I start walking in there and they got like a an employee stops me and he goes like hey do you have a do you have a kid in there and I go no I just want to go in there and like I'm small enough to run around the tubes they go yeah we can't oh we can't let you do that I'm like you know what but in this case probably a good idea just some single white dude just walks in just like yeah I want to go run around with the kids that's so funny does it feel like a lot I just went to the bathroom shaved and been like I'm a kid yeah yeah why you why you have something like oh I'm late for school yeah see is it you seen peepa yeah does it feel a lot uh you have a shirt on this has grandpa's favorite on it does it feel a lot of times like you because of your size and stuff

that you get to relive your childhood in some instances that yes wow yes really that's pretty cool think about that man shit oh there's a there my favorite a good one my favorite ride is that uh knots berry farm camp snoopy it's called huff and puff and I could still ride that ride my friends can't oh we can't we're too big too big look up huff and puff you'll see why it's a train that you sit on oh cool and then you like you can like move the thing back and forth and then that controls your speed of the train oh yeah they're gonna pay you to like be the guy there it is oh there it is look at that I can still do that adorable hell yeah it's awesome there's bobby lee in his girl that that it's like it's all it's always funny when I would do it because I would because

I would go to knots berry farm and just be you know I'd be with my friends be like hold on I gotta go ride huff and puff real quick oh that's great and like I take photos you gotta there must be a photo yeah so so there's like a video somewhere of like the train going by and it's like that's awesome right kid and then Brad I love that I'm waving yeah and I bet the people love that too they're like yeah they should like you see a midget riding huff and puff you're like oh god that guy's been on forever he won't get off yeah guys been on for 25 years man it's awesome I go yeah well if I can't ride some of the roller coasters then the payoff of that is I can still ride the kid the yeah that's great kid you can ride yeah and then I was watching um I was watching the Chicago Bulls

documentary and uh so good I was hearing about how like how like air Jordans are costing people like $175 and I'm like oh wow they've only cost like 50 bucks for me for like oh that's I never think about for years they've cost me 50 bucks I even think about I wonder what I wonder what the cost of savings is if you're a little person the overall life well for that for there you get savings but then you buy like a pair of pants and then you got to get them altered and shit like that or or god forbid you buy a suit I got a couple of suits that cost me a little extra money oh really yeah because I had Taylor suits anyways I mean so it's weird that they that must have gotten easier as you got older yeah with like the internet in modern times right yeah because now there's like

services I'm sure some of them even sponsored your podcast where like you like measure your shit and you send it off to him as a kid then they must have been a nightmare yeah oh that's horrible now it's like yeah now there's like great places that do that do that did you always not to ask questions I don't know any other little people except for you or different types of people that aren't I'll be your dwarf google super tall yeah but do you did you always know that you are at a certain point do your parents sit you down and say hey man we have something to tell you oh uh uh so they told me I was dwarf but they told me before I went off to school because my dad my family is all tall so uh my dad told me he's like no when you go to school there's gonna be

some kids that make fun of you because you're a dwarf so let's you and I write some comebacks for them nice so so my dad yeah so my dad and I wrote jokes my dad was like just stop being a pussy why are you crying yeah kids pick on kids grow up yeah yeah so like so like we wrote jokes so then when I went to school and kids made fun of me I had comebacks like written nice and I and I would say it to him and then they'd get all sad and I get I got sent to the principal's office did you feel bad stealing your dad's material did you do you think that that helped make you into a comedian that sounds like exactly how I would become a comedian yeah but also just being different is probably why yeah that too that well but like but that attitude with being different right that's

why that's probably why I'm a comic makes you funny yeah so then when like when when I go to some city and some guy like yells out leprechaun I'm like really you think I haven't heard that shit before yeah let's go okay like like and then I fire back at him like he's never been funny that guy if he's still yelling leprechaun at this age that guy how sad is it how sad is it as we get older when you have your friends that still tell like jokes that are just like from girl or just like the worst like little comebacks or whatever biggest peppy you know the worst one is is when people especially grown men and grown women anyone I'd say over the age of 11 if you think you're funny because you're saying like a line from a happy Gilmore movie yeah or

like you're quoting Michael Scott from like you stole a quote from a thing and now you put in your own life and you think you're very funny like you suck you're not funny yeah you're my boy blue somebody's saying that now yeah except this one guy who did a cool video yeah he had a friend that had drowned or something he's like you're my boy blue and he kept fucking turning the camera to the fucking body how crazy is that see that's what that guy's sense of humor is no that was your blue my boy yeah oh you're blue my boy oh that's like I don't fear anything about like being a dad in terms of stuff that I'm gonna do with my daughter the thing the thing that I I fear is like once I have to start interacting with other parents who just aren't funny and oh yeah no you don't have to

put up with that oh and then they find out on the comic no you can be polite but like you don't have to like you don't have I mean yeah no when they find out you're a comic that has to be the worst when you have a child think about that you have a child you have a this connection piece to somebody else that is a child so you have to mill around where your children do whatever they're doing licking your friends yeah I'm like god now I have to like your friends with Sally so we have to deal with it he can just go jump in the ball pit try running around the tubes dude I can't wait for that day when me and my daughter are both running around the tubes of Chuck E cheese oh I'm I'm gonna go back to that busy bees you're like I can't listen I made a kid dad tell bad

jokes I'm gonna jump around playing the tubes of the kids dude that's hilarious is your daughter a dwarf yes right yeah I think you told me that yeah yeah uh got got the asian dwarf baby or or as I like to call it a db wait were you hoping for a dwarf yeah okay yeah well cuz like I want I don't want my kid to grow older and get bigger than me and I got like discipline her go to your room fuck you dad well now she's kind of on your team there she is yeah look she's on your team child so if it comes down to like you and you know you and your wife or have you know now it's kind of like team dwarf is yeah dominating the house oh yeah now it's like my wife can't complain if she like trips over a step stool or something because they're like this the world you're living in now this is

you you signed up for this look but she was like she was a average height person yeah now I'm her mom and now you're out yeah now I'm that smile is so cute huh yeah is there another one that's the picture behind it that's my baby yeah that there's one on the ground yeah yeah yeah yeah my wife is Chinese so we made an asian dwarf baby and what are the the odds that she was gonna be a dwarf uh 50 50 wow yeah so we're you know we're just kind of uh that that that might be my favorite one she oh so cute someone gave her a robe with her uh with her initials on it some pet somebody I knew it was probably somebody who tries to get into a lego lane by themselves that's it don't put that on me also that person has no idea how newborn babies or dwarfs work that's a giant

robe that's like for like a one-year-old like two-year-old that's the best part is like because like when all when all the pandemic stuff started happening everyone uh some people started talking to me like oh wow that's gonna that's gonna suck when like your kid outgrows her clothes no we got closed for like two years we're hunkered down we're good I'm at the worst of that when I buy clothes for like my nieces and nephews or something like I was like like I don't know he's like four is this fit like I'm like holding up like I'm like at target like on it looks pretty little to me but like you're calling over another four-year-old hey how old are you four get over here seriously it sort of feels like my ex-governor try this on stuff I don't know I don't have kids you want to

go chucky cheese after you're telling a four-year-old like hey try this on try this on come out do a little turn for me let's see how it fits do they sell lingerie for little people no dude and they're not four little people I'll even for children is there no that's my point it would be the same no it's not it's not because we got big asses and uh my type of dwarfism the girls have some big old titties wow really yeah so yeah so she's gonna have to oh wow it's beautiful you'd have to have customized lingerie yeah sometimes there's customized lingerie but I think for the most part stuff just fits because like I mean not as much stuff fits but there's stuff that fits oh there is yeah yeah it's it's out there because we're gonna say that it would get a real dark world

oh Bronx fan huh yeah there you go she is look she's not a Bronx fan look she's like why'd you put me in this she's like I got all of the lines LA baby that's what she said um is she getting to the part where she can how you said four months yeah four months wow yeah I love like five six months they start to really kind of get interactive and stuff yeah well dude like and not not to get like too cheesy or whatever but like when it it crushes me in the best way when I when she's when I wake her up in the morning and I walk in she's kind of crying then she looks up and sees me and then just gets a big smile on her face the best like that's I like it sounds stupid and cheesy and I don't know that's human literally the best feeling I've ever had in the world I love that it

is is just my daughter like looking at me and smiling it's the best feeling I've ever had better than Saturday late show when they're like you hit all your bonuses oh that's a damn good feeling yeah you know it's certain it's certain things like that and uh I got friends that don't have kids and they're like oh so you like you change diapers and stuff you're like yeah yeah you do they're like well will you like wipe and shit yeah yeah is that Adam Ray who said that it sounds sounded just like him a thousand percent no I don't know if I like yeah it's like what are you like gotta go get the diapers you sound like you should come like a marriage diver I'll get it for him uncle Adam but yeah people are like yeah you like like like clean your daughter's shit like

yeah kind of because if you don't they're just in their own shit and you don't think about it also I'm not a monster yeah let my wife do it and I'm like yeah I mean like like this 1950s madman dad where I'm just in the other room with a martini like how's that shit diaper honey yeah also that might be the bad part of having a a dwarf daughter like you rooted for because now she's gonna be like you if you guys get to fight oh you're the dwarfs you changer you know because now it's team dwarfs I'm so I'm big on this there's like a average person war going on in their house at all times well if something has if something shits near me I'm gonna help it out that's where I'm at I don't care what I feel parents right yeah that's true I feel like I feel like you I feel like you should

play the more you know theme right it right after you say that if something shits near me I'm gonna help it out yeah what else we got Nick any other news uh Brad didn't have a heart out at 12 okay oh yeah yeah I gotta go cuz my wife has an appointment oh yeah that's right and uh and then I need to go watch the baby cuz you can't cuz you can't just put the baby in the crib and say deuces it's not like my puppy that's sitting in a kennel right now well yeah you you guys continue but uh do you mind if I plug some shit no let's plug it man where can people check you out at uh Brad Williams comedy.com on Instagram at Brad Williams comic Twitter at funny Brad please check out my tour schedule because it changes almost by the week because like because like things get cancelled

but then other states open up so they get added like so things are changing constantly so yeah just go just go to the website and book me on cameo yeah good cameo.com slash Brad Williams comic the best one I've had so far is uh one woman told me to tell her ex-girlfriend that her pussy was stanky oh my gosh stanky not stanky she paid for someone I guess that's good she doesn't want medical term on that it's a stanky pussy I think that's medical I think he nailed it yeah so you know there's some real outliers out there yeah so you know what go and book me on cameo I'll do it like yeah I'm not gonna say it I'm not gonna say a racial slur anything like that but if you want me to call someone's pussy stanky I'm in yeah yeah look for five hundred dollars you

want to dress up like uh Dwayne Chapman the bounty hunter I want to see you dressed up as a small Scott Steiner oh with the chain and the glass you'll just do the same smaller gimmick probably would be funny if for say like for three hundred dollars yeah three hundred dollars you're like I will do a small version of whatever your favorite yeah so I'll do a small dog the bounty hunter I'll do a smaller so great you'll make a million dollars vaginitis it's called or trick-o-mo moniasis wow that's what the women can have and whatever it is ladies I don't you put whatever word you want on it get it fixed yeah tomato potato I don't know what you call it trick-o-moniasis oh we're seeing my baby yeah thank you so much man congratulations on the

see you guys thank you thank you for having me yeah man you bet love you brother good to see you man miss you this will go up tonight okay oh tonight yeah awesome cool this is a tough wall to have to change um you know like it's not like at the comedy store but they just put your name and cursive on the wall yeah for this you gotta you want to add someone you want to take someone away that's quite a thing yeah well we had a we have a guy makes it who does animation that helps us out and we don't have a guy like I'm but we have a guy who does some awesome animation that we know that's got pappy o tune and so he drew this one time kind of based on the simpsons characters kind of and is it very much so I have no idea I'm not a big simpsons guy but okay cool so then yeah

then then we just blew it up and put it on here it's so good yeah it's pretty cool man then it's definitely been something that people like to see um yeah man just so crazy you guys went out there and got into it I love it I was excited I wanted to get out there man like they could have said the art like I said the money is the tricky part yeah but I think if you did it or if like I think Joe Rogan's gonna go to the gonna go to wise guys that's what the the rumor is around there Keith Stubbs the owner was like yeah Joe's gonna go and I was like well what are you gonna do just make it like a hundred dollars a ticket but they're still limited to like the hundred people right and he's like yeah something like that we'll probably just make the tickets 40 bucks or

something like that and put a hundred people in here I was like wow yeah yeah I guess there's certainly ways to do it like um it's not also it should be noted like it wasn't like I sawed it out like I didn't go like hey but someone booked me the offer came through and I was like really what does Utah not have news like how does this work yeah and then I was just like sure I guess I'll just say yes the way I always do well I was in Utah a few weeks ago we went camping in southern Utah nice we're so you a lot of people call it so you but they had um we went to restaurants and stuff so we went and ate in restaurants I went to a gay bar after the show because it was like the closest bar that was open yeah sure buddy oh the old distance yeah you know so I gotta go to the

gay one yeah my car wouldn't start so it sucked man we went into the bar and was just like a restaurant like they're like oh you have to sit at a table you can't go anywhere you have to stay with your people and if you need to go to the bathroom something get up but you got to put your mask on I was like well this isn't a bar yeah what I like about bars you can walk around talk to people and stuff I guess you get your ass kicked by someone you don't know it's fun yeah I miss the old bars you don't drink anymore right uh-uh right but you still will go to a bar oh yeah I'll go yeah socialize yeah it's fun I mean I think it's fun sometimes what I don't like I notice that I start to not like as when people especially women but if somebody's really wasted oh yeah just like that

gets irritating especially if you're not drinking that shit is a such a curveball uh what's this guy's name trying to think of this name of this guy is a comedian and I should know his name I'm just blanking on it he's like uh gay Jimmy is it that guy it doesn't matter is anyways he don't drink and he's like gay Jim oh I thought you're going the other way drinks a lot no no gay Jimmy he's a real sipper now there's a guy who doesn't drink and he opened for me and he was I was like do you still want to come out with this afterwards he goes yeah so I just I just won't drink it's okay perfect so we go out and he left because he was so annoyed with how hammered the girl was that I was talking to oh he was he was just like I couldn't even be around her like I was just so embarrassed

for her and so annoyed and I was like if Jeff can put up with this he can put up with it but I'm at it yeah and I was like man I've never even thought about that it's kind of like one of the perks of being the being drunk too it's like you just yeah it's one of the perks of being you don't even notice that everyone else is yeah it makes you judge mental that's one thing I don't like a little bit it definitely adds a level of like kind of like what I think comes off to other people as judgments and I'm like if people are drunk somewhere you know and you're not you're like oh man uh this girl's way like I just can't communicate with this person you know because yeah if you'd have had two drinks you'd probably be fine talking to them you know that's weird

when I already stopped drinking I was like I considered it I actually considered for the first time in my life not drinking really yeah because Jordan Peterson always talks about that all the time yeah he's like a big on all that stuff and but then I was just like I don't think I can which might mean I have a problem I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't I mean we don't cross paths a ton so I don't know if I've ever seen you so I don't know there's a couple of guys where it's like you're like oh this dude problem yeah this yeah I'm always having fun you know like I and I don't have a wife or girlfriend or kids or anything so like it doesn't affect like I mean that it's never negatively affected that you're probably fine yeah you're probably doing good yeah

yeah I go to yoga every day after like the next day sweat it all out and you know it sounds like you're having a fucking blast yeah it's great life but also like that does make me when guys I had my I'm like oh man they stopped maybe I don't know maybe I should stop yeah I think sometimes it's like yeah you start to think is there like insider trade like am I it would it help me like might start working more am I gonna like start like organizing things like I'll knock out seven podcasts in a day because I had so much I didn't sleep in till 10 30 or whatever I don't know yeah do you feel more productive I think I have over the past few years I think that I have but then sometimes I start to think that I get too much like um that you get a little bit disconnected

from the fun sometimes you feel that way yeah I think there is a level of that like you get a little disconnected from like the every man like um but you don't waste as much time like you wouldn't spend time with like some drunk chick like yeah like uh like just little things like that I feel like you save time in okay like if someone's like hey let's go do this and if you were drunk you would go do it and it's just a fucking worst idea right it's when you're sober like oh I can see that's horrible idea yeah you know well I feel like the the idea that the fear of not fear of missing out but like the fear of like it's not a fear you feel like you're missing out on some of the fun I feel like every comic goes through that and maybe it's because of social media maybe it's

because whatever like I can't like I've had conversations with Eric Griffin I mean the people on this wall who when they look through the scope of what they're looking through their scroll they're going oh man uh you know look at Theo and uh and uh what's the fighter guy you know uh Dustin Poirier oh Brendan yeah Brendan let's you see that you go oh man I've never you know they're late they look like they're having a good time looking I'm laughing and I've never been on that like you do feel kind of like these like left out like everyone feels that and I think that like that no one's left out but everyone is feeling that about each other and I think that's like a stand-up comedy thing uh yeah I could see that you can't work together you're a headliner I'm a headliner

what are we gonna do some weird double hour show with no openers like so because I'm watching you go have fun doing something I'm thinking oh man I've never played that that'd be yeah so we're forced to kind of be like separate in these things and then occasionally you'll see like all of these guys together in Montreal and you're like why didn't go to Montreal this year man look I'm missing out I think you know oh that's and then you feel it on a smaller scale too you'll be like at Montreal and you see like uh two you know Chad Daniels will walk away with you know some other comic and they'll be like where he's going they go oh we got tickets to go see Chappelle and you're like well I didn't so this is just a human thing I think of just feeling left out yeah it's such a comedian

thing you're not missing anything yeah and especially with social media now it's like there's always an advertisement for what somebody else is doing yeah no matter what it is so yeah easily you could scroll scroll scroll through and see 70 thing of feeling bad you can't be at any of the yeah that hot dog can't be at all of that carnival can't be at the you know they're out there riding dune carts or whatever can't do it oh I should have been out in the mountains hiking right now like the way they're doing it all lucky fuck you know I saw a girl I haven't talked to in years we never like we just worked together on tv show it wasn't like we weren't like together she had a boyfriend now they're married they have a kid I haven't talked to that girl in easily two years

we haven't worked together we didn't text nothing I saw her her husband they're like baby and then another family and they're like jeeping up in like Joshua tree and I felt left out on that damn oh they should have included me a two cute families that are like out of course they didn't include why would but my initial brain went oh man that I'm left out come on that should have been there yeah there is this whole I think yeah I think it's just I wonder what the long-term psychological effects of that are yeah of that FOMO you know that thing where you constantly see things that you could be doing you know that people you know are doing and they always appear to be joyful yeah I can only imagine the long-term psychological effects that aren't really good because what are

we supposed to do you can't beat all those things yeah it's impossible man like I have to like coach my brain all the time like you don't have to be jealous of these people they're your friends you should be happy for them relax oh yeah you know like that whole comic thing where you see someone like something and you're like oh I should have that I gotta do that well why did I think about me why couldn't I just say hey good for that comic you know what about this is the last thing I want to set think about real quick is do you see a lot I see a lot of these commercials and it's like let's go thank you to our first responders thank you to our you know our frontline workers and stuff like that but then sometimes at a certain point I'm seeing like even friends of mine put up videos

like we took all this food to the hospital and literally on the video you could see the hospital is inundated with food like and they're like every day we get this every day and it's like and I'm not saying it's not good I'm not saying we shouldn't always do nice things for other people but sometimes it just starts to feel like who what is all this it's not like it's the military we are you know there's like tons of people out in the street and you have to have the hospitals are empty I'm like what are they I understand if you're buying lunch and doing something nice for these people um but most of the frontline workers it seems like are like postmates or people that are you know Amazon that's thing this us mail I agree with that pizza pizza delivery people like

maybe not now as much as when this first started when we went like real scary like people are just a mystery of not knowing pizza people were like pizza delivery guys were like saving people's lives oh yeah like the postman like that movie the postman there's lots of people with the I'm like are you Kevin Costner and the guy's like nah dude think about actor and they're risking their lives coming to people's houses I mean at that time we didn't know and they're just giving people that have no groceries or anything like it like that's I don't know I think that's I think it's heroic yeah but not now yeah well it's sometimes it just seems like I guess sometimes you just see people it just seems like a avatar like a thing like look at me being kind oh I guess that's okay I

guess you're just creating kindness so I don't think no I don't think I don't think you're wrong it does feel weird to boast about it like look we made a hundred of these masks and we're gonna go dart drop them off today it's like kind of this braggadocious kind of look how good we are but it's them just staying busy yeah and also I think there's a lot of positive but I see what you're saying one time I was with a group and we were in people can't just do a nice thing anymore they got to get the credit for it yeah it's tough um it's just a human thing I think they were like that I was in Barbados one time we had a group and we're taking they're like let's let's take a a day and take toothbrushes over to this youth facility that where they don't have them

you know it's nice so we took them over there and the kids didn't give a fuck they all had iPhones and shit oh that's we have fucking toothbrushes dude we don't give a fuck bro that's really really funny then I just felt like a fucking idiot I guess we should have brought ipads or something I don't know what that's really funny some guys literally put me on a snapchat like look at these motherfuckers dude thinking we don't brush our teeth these buster puts his brother's toothbrushes too much you should have brought sonic cares yeah that's what I said it on that was a real piece of shit um jeff die thanks so much for being here uh where can people check you out at man all things at jeff die just the big whirly a you know at and then jeff die jeff fdy where you where you

performing next do you have a spot yet I'm doing a lol comedy club in san antonio next nice I think next weekend I love san antonio yeah I'm excited it's gonna be fun hopefully by then some of the bars will be a little bit more open and stuff like that that's what I'm hoping that this is I don't know loosening things up that's what I'm hoping but I mean maybe not maybe we'll go back I'm also gonna do some virtual shows in between I just make some money just so I can do start working on some stuff yeah I also have a podcast called jeff dies friendship podcast oh yeah that's right on all is this on all things tonight Monday night don't you uh yeah well usually I have a bunch backlogged oh nice which are great it's a good feeling but the um yeah that's been really

fun because I get to do stuff like this yeah I was watching some clips yesterday of it it's fun I'm trying to think I can't remember what interview it was uh because there's some people that they're not going to just come hang out with you but like if you have them for an hour they'll sit down and say yeah like Brian Kylie's got like a wife and kids he's like a grown man he's not can't tell his wife I'm gonna go have a beer with jeff die yeah she's like what but if he's like no we're gonna go record a podcast like he's a guy then I have an hour with Brian Kylie it really is kind of a unique way that guys get out of the house yeah um or make friends with people that's why I call the friendship podcast because like you literally get to like just say hey I admire what you're doing

I read your book that's great you want to come be on my part so it's like a productive way of having a hang yeah I love it I love it and I love that you had me on so thank you oh gang man thanks for coming through jeff die ladies and gentlemen I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself on shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story shine on me

to me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you so