This Past Weekend - E279 Neal Brennan 2

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

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Today's episode is brought to you by Grey Block Pizza and this is a pizzeria that has just just pizza and things that are going to really make you feel good inside of your mouth and body. Grey Block Pizza, get that hitter. Today's guest is making his second appearance on this past weekend. He is the co-creator of the Chapelle show and he has some specials on Comedy Central. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Neil Brennan. Well thanks man, I just went, oh you know what happened? I went to the pool the other day. Did you? I went to a hotel, called the hotel, said hey can I go out to the pool? The guy said yeah you can. It was like a gay guy and so I think out of the gate it was like,

you know, and I don't sound ugly. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm not saying I sound like a... Like you know what? You like put the phone out like come on over. Yeah, that's really what it was like. So you know, he was like yeah come on over you know and uh and then... What hotel? Can you say? Yeah, Mr. C's hotel in Beverly Hills and I called, I went over there, was the only person at the pool. Where's Mr. C's hotel? Is this a guy's house? I don't know if this is a hotel man. I went with Max Corfman and we sat out there and just caught some sun and he was the interesting thing though. There's no smog in the air. So the sun is... Interesting. It's direct. Yeah, it's getting people. Yeah and you also have, you have good skin. You're tan. You're

tan. Yeah, I'm okay with that. I can handle sun. Some people, you know, can't handle it. Yeah, you seem like yeah. I can't. You're a slave to this. Like if sun sees you it's like oh yeah we're beating on this guy. Get him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they're that motherfucker. Put him on the boat and send him over. Let's go. Uh yeah. That's crazy. Every time you leave your house it's got to be like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not that bad. My dad used to get, again, ten, my dad's ten kids, angry, violent, all the shit. Irish Catholic. Fight the sun. He grew up the one of 13 kids born in the depression like crazy. He used to... No heartbeat. I mean it's, he had such bad skin that we would drop like we took a vacation in California one time and it's like seven of us

in a station wagon going to like Lompoc. Yeah. Just whatever. And my cousins are in Lompoc. You know that. Everybody saw that coming. Neil Brantz definitely got cousins in Lompoc. So my dad the first day got such bad sunburn on his hands that it bubbled up. From the st- Bubble? Yes. Through the window on the steering wheel. And I even remember I was like eight going like, you wait, how much were you driving? Like how the fuck did that happen? Bubble up to the second day he wore black gloves like a murderer driving with black gloves on with like eight children furious the whole time. The whole time. Why do I see this suddenly being a patio tune? Do you see that Nick? I suddenly see this being one of the animations. Right. I like

it. Yeah. Can you imagine the fatherhood you have to have in you? Just the virility you have to have. First of all to have 10 kids then to sit there and hold onto a steering wheel while your skin is bubbling. Bubbling. Just to take your 10 kids to go see more family. Lompoc. Yeah. To get to go to Solvang. To look at the windmills in Solvang. Yeah. It was a, I don't know what made it work. I mean, I don't know what the, I mean, it's fucking crazy. But the fact that he, because then later I went to the Caribbean. Oh my God. 2005 if you can believe it. And when you somehow my feet, my feet got sunburned. Oh yeah. The top of my feet and then I had the bubbles. Oh. And dude, I, you can't, if anyone's ever had blisters on the top of their feet,

if I wouldn't rule it out for you, you look like maybe. You're done. Oh, you're done. You can't fucking, you can barely walk. Like you don't have, the ecosystem of your foot is so delicate. Yeah. Like a bubble on you, you're almost immobile. It was fucking crazy. And I don't even know, it was like from 10 minutes in the ocean. But it's usually not that bad for me. Like I used to caddy. But do you have to think about it when you leave home? Like I feel like, you know, if you live in certain neighborhoods, you have to think like, oh, I have to look out for these people, I have to look out for this, you know, ants or something. Yeah, that's what you meant. You meant ants. Or you know, like if you live like a, you know, like when I was young,

you know, ants was always like, oh, are there ants out there? Yeah. But do you have to look, do you have to think about that? Like shit, man. No, if I'm going to the beach. It's out there. I'll, I'll think about if I like, I live in Venice and sometimes something goes like, let's take a walk. I'm like, yeah. Wow. And I'll be like, we got to take a walk. All right. Like if it's on the, on the beach, I'll be like, oh, let's let's talk about routes. Yeah. Yeah. I'll have to like flip off to live. We got to turn around. I see you in the Caribbean going out to the beach at night. No, I mean, dude, I, it was wild. It was wild. Turks and Caicos. I got the top of my feet got sunburned and I, and I like just put an aloe on there. Turks and Caicos sound

like a couple of Latino hit men, don't they? The cutest Latino. Yeah, you got it. Right. Little there at the Mr. C's hotel this afternoon. Yeah. Did you drive over here in that Tesla? Yeah, man. Yeah, sure did. Did you get one yet? I didn't get one, man. But the new ones, I think you're coming out with an American flag hanging off the back. We were talking about this yesterday, man. And it was literally the funniest thing that I talked about in a while, just the fact that well, Elon Musk tweeted some stuff. What did he write, Nick? He wrote the quarantine is stupid. And then he's on something like free. Let me open up. Yeah. He wanted to open his business in Redmond, I think it is. Alameda County, Redmond, he said they were going to have to arrest him. He

was just going to put his workers on the line. Yeah. He tweeted, take the red pill. Yeah. Got a lot of people. He basically like all the people who, all the liberals who bought a Tesla are now like, what did I do? It's so fucking funny because I love when anybody gets fucking over. I don't care if it's fucking hilarious. It's kind of like when Hulk Hogan started wearing that black stuff. Remember when he started wearing the black vest? Yeah, the two-tone mustache, right? Yeah, I remember it. And you were like, what is going on? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, that's so bizarre. Yeah. And you tweeted something too about it, didn't you? It was so funny, man. Did you tweet something about it? No. I mean, I've tweeted like, I'm on the side of like scientists and stuff. Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah. That's Elon on the right. That's new Elon. And old Elon, old Elon's like, I got a lecture, I believe in the electric future, brother. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Magus. Yeah. Yeah. Magus, man. Make America gasoline-less again, baby. Yeah. Cancel, cancel culture. He's just been going in. Yeah, he's basically just on some Magus shit. It's crazy. He's done Joe's podcast twice. And liberals are like, what the fuck? Who is this guy? Liberals are going to have to get up. And now they're all stuck with the cars. And the crazy thing about their cars is, you can't lease them, right? You can. I lease mine. I didn't think you could, but you can't. I thought you had to own it, so then it was going to be like, oh, here you go.

How am I going to get rid of this thing? Just come and take it. Stuck with this electric American flag right there. What have you been doing, man? What have I been doing? Not much, man. How often do you hang out with your ex-girlfriend? We hang out pretty good bit. We turned in like, just really, we turned in like, really good friends, you know? She's pretty much like my best friend. And do you think like, well, maybe- Except for Nick, maybe. Nick's shocked to hear that. But hell, the way to find out. Nick's like, yeah. My best friend. Like, I don't- No idea. We talk every three days. I'd hate to meet his enemies. Yeah, we just,

well, during quarantine, it's like, you kind of, I think in the beginning, like, we hadn't been talking for a while and then got, everybody got spooked, you know? Yeah. So I was, I know that she was kind of scared and I think I was scared. So I was like, you know, you just wanted to be around people that you cared about, if you could be around anybody. Were you scared? Because when we talked at the beginning, you were like, fucking better be real. You called me like, hey, what is this? You're like, is this real? Dude, I didn't know. And I didn't know if maybe you knew something I didn't know. Like, you know probably, I know rich people. Like, do you know some shit?

Yeah, it's Blake Griffin. Yeah. Like, is he, how's he dealing with it? Yeah. No, they're all, they're all, all the rich people are abide by it. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's super comfortable. I mean, I think this thing's been pretty comfortable. It's a very, that's a funny way to go. And it's like, this is a pretty comfortable national sacrifice. Yeah. If you have money, if you have some money, right, if you've just gone off the road, right, podcast, if you have either a savings or a thing you can do without it, it's right. I agree. It's a, it's kind of a vacation. If you're in the second month of using the $1200 stimulus check and you are like,

what the heck is going to happen next? Yes. And you're waiting on pins and needles for the government to send another check. That's, that's gotta, that's a different person. That's a different life. Yes. That is, that is truly fucking, gotta be horrifying and scary as shit. Like, hour to hour. And I wonder how then like at that point, do you like, do you feel like you would batten down with like your wife and family? Or do you think you'd be like, I got to get away from them? You know, like they're the ones bringing me down. Well, they, they, people are all saying that domestic violence is going to go up. It, but the stats, I saw it didn't go up that much.

Went up like 5%. I haven't seen anything. And there's always people beating chicks in the park bar over by where I live, over by. At park, park, park. There's like Westwood is a lot of homeless people out there, people that are just, you know, not, not home or just aren't going home basically. And they, you could hear some serious fights at night. Do you really? Oh yeah. You know what's funny about fights at night is, uh, you, like, you'll ever be like lying in bed and it's like 1 45 in the morning and you'll hear like, and you're like, well, I hope that works out. Like I'm not getting involved in that. I wish them the best, but I'm not calling. I'm not leaving bed and I'm not investigating in the slightest. Yeah. Total opposite of what I'm doing.

Oh, right. Well, you made your choices. Here's the worst. Sometimes I'll be like, will you keep it down out there? Look, I don't know what y'all are going through. Yeah. I don't, that is the funny thing where you just like, oh yeah, good luck. Do you think sometimes I feel like if this is like our Vietnam, this is like the softest thing. It's nothing, but it's nothing for us. Cause just like Vietnam would have been nothing for us. We're not in front lines. Yeah. Like we would have been, you would have been, I mean, if we were eight, if we were 18, we'd probably gotten drafted. You probably would have gotten drafted for me. Really? Yeah. Cause I think they did like, I would have been able to call whatever, like something like something. Yeah. I would like

my foot hurt or something and they believe it. Look at these sunburns. I can't man. You got y'all better have some SPFs. Yeah, I'll go, but like how much, how much sunscreen? Yeah. The, I feel like Southern people had to go, I don't, I'm sure I'm wrong about that. Well, I think you, they were probably more adamant about it. It's like, they'd be like, you don't have any arms and legs and you're like, well, I can do it, sir. Yeah. Or just, but I also feel like, like in, to my mind, Vietnam was all like black, Latino and Southern whites in my head. Like that. I don't even know if that's true. I'm sure. I think, why don't you get into Iowa, Pennsylvania? There's tons. Yeah. That's where a lot of your white service people come from, I think. Yep. And then,

yeah, I guess the South as well. What does this say here, Nick? Just casualties during Vietnam, but it doesn't split it up by, it has all one side together. So US has lumped it with people, but there are 1.1 million deaths on that side. But there was also a draft, right? So that's what I'm saying. And the draft, I think they've favored, I'm sure like, I went to college. You went to college? Yeah. Where'd you go to college? Oh, yeah, I did. LSU? I went to LSU. Yeah, I went to, I went to a couple different spots. I definitely went to LSU. Trying to find your groove. What? Yeah, I just wanted to be on the move, man. I just seem so weird to be like, we're, we're, I'm in one place. Is it, I feel like this is a, is it safe to describe your 20s

as itchy? Oh, yeah. Like, yeah, man. I didn't, like, why are we here, man? Everybody, somebody's over there. I always had to go. There was always something somewhere else. Yes. Oh, something's like, you know, trying, because I don't know. Do you talk about your 20s much on here? I don't talk, uh, I mean, honestly, dude, it's hard for me to remember some of it, you know, because of drugs or alcohol. I think just because of time. Like, it's just hard to like, like our lives are so interesting now. Like, I mean, I remember in my 20s, you know, like I'd done reality television and then I moved and then I traveled around a bunch to different schools and then I went on semester at sea. It was like a school on a cruise ship.

And so was that for TV? No, that was just like as a student. Got it. So I just after the reality thing. Yep. Couple years after, I just got a job in the bookstore on this cruise ship and we went, we went to Vietnam actually. And did you like being on the boat? Yeah, it was pretty fun. Dude, you start to become like Lord of the Flies on it's called semester at sea. You start to become like in the beginning, everybody's kind of chill. You're like, okay, this is what's up by the end, by the end of three months, like you would be literally sitting in class in a male bikini, like everybody, like it was like everybody's suntanned, everybody, like you'd be trading like shoe polish for a little bit of liquor at night. Like it was just

Oh yeah, it's probably not a bar, right? They had a bar, but you, if you wanted your own liquor, you can only have two wines. You could each get, you could get two wines. So you could like you were allowed two glasses of wine. Yep. Did they, and it was during the age of 21? Oh, drinking age. I'm not sure. It must have been 18, I think, because you're out in the ocean. Because once you get out in international waters, it's, oh right. Maybe there is no drinking age. Yeah. I mean, there was, yeah, it was really bizarre. It was bizarre being on there. Were you drinking a lot? Oh yeah, you could drink and everything. Nobody was doing drugs or anything. I didn't even, I wasn't even doing drugs at that point in my life. I didn't even drink that much,

but yeah, every night people will go drink, play games. And were you one of the better looking people? I've always been about an eight. If I have sun on me, I definitely look better. Because if you get a tan, it kind of makes your nose look a little smaller and stuff. Yeah, you're very insecure about your nose. Do you have a badonk-a-donk? Yeah, I got that fucking. The face donk. I got that junk in the front trunk, you know. Brendan said I should wear a thong on my nose sometime. I do hope one day my nose is in a little boozy video. That's what I'm like. But it was fun, man. It was funny. We went to all these countries. We went and saw Fidel Castro speak in Cuba. Really? Yeah. And was it remarkable?

A lot. I mean, if you knew Spanish, it definitely helped, but it was like a four hour speech about how the stuff that he did in Cuba, like the things he implemented, like the positives of it. Yeah. So it was kind of a, what would you call that? Propaganda. Propaganda. Yeah. But was he a good speaker or was it like? I thought he was good. He was tall. He kind of had, it was kind of like a little bit of like a, I don't want to say like a Mexican Phil Jackson kind of, but he kind of had that. No, but you said it and it's right. Yeah. He kind of had that islandy Phil Jackson kind of vibe, you know, the suit. And then some kid ran down there and wanted to get his passport signed by him and everybody got all excited. And he was shot. That boy got shot. But that was fun, man.

Yeah. That's cause I feel like you, I was, I was at CVS yesterday and I thought about you for some reason. Thanks man. There was a lot of, there were just, at one point were you like a flip flop person? Yeah. Yeah. Cause there were just flip flop people. I was like, I feel like Theo was probably this at some point, maybe when you're on the real world or the, or those shows, were you kind of that kind of guy? I don't remember really. I mean, I definitely remember in my twenties, man, it's so, it's so crazy. A lot of that part of my life, just, just those years just kind of blur out. I remember going to like, you know, I went to different colleges. I went to Loyola. You know, it was just, yeah. In your twenties, I was more like, you know, muscular kind of big

hair kind of guy, just, you know, happy to be alive, you know, took a lot of erection pills back then. Is that true? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a lot of like social life, sexual anxiety in my twenties and it was hard to get them. Now you can get them anywhere. Hell, we have some, you know, you know, a buddy of mine told me, you can smell Nick's breath and catch a boner. Now, I mean, you know, I'm just saying like every, everything in here is probably sponsored by a buddy of mine reminded me of a story yesterday where he, he had, he was in a relationship. He had ED with the girl cause like he couldn't get over her ex and then she got upset because of it. Like she's like, you don't think I'm good looking. And so he went to an erection doctor.

First of all, took the bus to the, to the erection doctor, which you don't just right there. You've already lost. Well, taking a bus will keep my dick down for a half. Yeah. So the erection doctor gives him basically, I think it sounds like a, a Cialis or something. This is like 20 years ago. And he goes, you're going to get an erection. And at a certain point, like if it, if it doesn't go, if it, if you don't get an erection within the next two hours, something's wrong. And if you do, you know, it'll be fine. And, but if it doesn't go away, you got to come back. Right. Okay. So my buddy takes the pill. Oh yeah, you got to take it. I take it right when I walked out the door. I just put bone, you fucking bear back that thing right then.

Um, he was not supposed to take it. Um, so, uh, he goes to see the Mel Gibson movie payback and just gets a rod, just like a rod where he's like, wow, this is real. It starts getting uncomfortable. And he's like, shit, he goes to the bathroom. Yeah. It's hard. It's a hard. You get real hard. He goes to the bathroom and it's like all purple. He goes, he's like, I can't wait. So he literally like run kind of shuffles back just kind of with an open boner through his pants. Yeah. And, uh, the doctor, he said, the doctor looked at it and you know how the doctor's aren't supposed to react. He could tell the doctor kind of was like, oh, and then he's like, all right, we're going to have to take it down. Doesn't say what that means. And, uh, yeah, it's not like

it's a flag at a funeral or something. Exactly. Like take it down. All right. Is it that simple? We're going to send the guy out with a trumpet. Yeah. Just put a blanket over. There's nothing you can do. Um, yeah. It's not like a parrot. Yeah. Like, you know, it's like a fucking tea cozy. Um, so, uh, so he, he, he goes, the doctor literally says, my buddy, he takes out like a huge like a huge, uh, syringe and he says, my buddy, you're going to want to grab the bottom of the table, which is like, God damn, he sticks it in his dick. The blood, my buddy said, spurred it into the syringe and, uh, took it and then like, just, he just drained the blood out of his, out of his dick. And what do they do with the blood? I don't know. He didn't tell me. Oh,

I'd want that. You want it back to your penis. Yeah. That's good blood. Um, that's extra valuable blood. I mean, that's, uh, that's the good stuff. Um, the guy already has this problem. You're going to take the whole blood. But my buddy said 20 years later, he still has a scar on his dick, which is fucking insane. Uh, so that's, that's my boner pill story. Dude, that boner pill story is so good. It's not even yours. I know it's not even mine. And he reminded me of it yesterday. Uh, this same buddy has one of my favorite stories is, you know the hill on La Cienega by sunset. Yeah. When you're, and, and my buddy had, uh, a, I don't even, I guess he had a stick shift, but he went on, he was on that like eight 45 in the morning and he couldn't, he couldn't

get up to the point where he just was flipping out so bad that he caused like horrible traffic. And then he finally just had to like pull over into one of those drive, like back up into one of those driveways. He didn't have the, the, the power. He, yeah, he just couldn't figure out how to do it. Did he have a Volkswagen rabbit? Do you know? I don't know, but like the tires were skidding and people were just going around them. That shit makes me laugh. So he just had to abandon his car after a while. He's like, I can't, I can't do it. Now it's not the time. Dude, those rabbits are hill risk, bro. Yeah, they were not, half way up the hill, man. Yeah. Now you, now they got it. So it'll stick, but back then my mom used to have one of them. We used to always have to

give up on a hill, you know? Yeah. Like you'd be going, you'd be like, oh yeah, there it is right there. Look at that bastard. Yeah, that was the one. Yeah. And a lot of the gas was in the trunk too, the way they had them built. So it was like, that was one of the problems. A lot of the gas would just even weigh you back even more. It was a, it was a real test. Beautiful car. It was a test of what, of, of, uh, hand-eye coordinate, like figuring out you're going backward and yeah, but he just didn't. And he's just spinning. Oh yeah, this house was getting scared and like getting more, and it's, you know, rush hour in the morning. And finally just quit. He hit, he quit. Fuck it. Fuck it. This is not for me. I have a, I have a segment that I want to

play with Theo now and we talked about it before. I don't know if you're rolling, but that I look at Theo, the, the wonder of Theo is that I don't know what you're going to say from minute to minute. Okay. I don't know when you're on stage. I don't know what you're going to say. You're going to, so I, so the, my point is I don't know what you know. I have no idea what you know. You get, as I told you, you, you do in your act, you look like a guy who, who has matches, right? Yep. I believe that. You look like, uh, if, if I could be anywhere in the world, if you text me and said, I'm outside, I would believe it. Okay. I respect that. I would come and get like just, yep, that Theo's outside. That makes any fucking anywhere in the world. I got to go to get Theo.

What, we're at the United Nations. He's outside. He's outside. He said he's outside. Okay. I believe that. I don't know what, so the question is, I don't know what you know. And I feel like you know, I know you know more than I think you know, but I don't know what the breath of the knowledge is. Okay. So we're going to play a game show called, what does Theo know? I want you to play along at home. Maybe you'll throw some music underneath this, some game show music, um, play along at home. What does Theo know? And do I just tell you things? No, I'm going to ask you questions and, and then people will guess whether you know it or not. All right. Okay. And I'm going to guess too. Yeah. You will, you will tell us, I'll tell you if I think you know, you'll weigh in. He knows.

You know what he knows? I think I know, but I don't know what you know. Yeah. No one knows what Theo knows. All right. All right. Let's do it. Name five members of the 1985 Chicago Bears. I believe you know this. You almost don't because of your age, but I believe you can muscle it out. All right. I'm going to go with your boy, um, uh, Sean Gale, who murdered his wife. Oh, you fucking know what, then if you know Sean Gale, but I know that because I'm a dateline fanatic outside of that. I'm going with your boy. Oh, I will go with this, uh, the quarterback, that legend, Jim McMahon, who I met at a golf tournament out in Palm Springs, and he had this little kind of thick Jewish woman as his girlfriend. And she said he,

he goes, this lady will always eat my butt. That's what he told me, which is kind of crazy, I thought. That's the sort of thing I expected you to know. And bro, I watched him drink 18 beers, man, at this golf tournament. Yeah, that guy's wild. He's wild. Yeah. And he would stand up when he would say that about the lady and he would kind of, he had pants on, he was like kind of pull his butt apart, which was crazy. Yeah. And, uh, and I think I got high with them actually, but, um, but anyway. So Sean Gale, uh, Sean Gale, I don't know if was on that team, that he might have been after that team, but I'll give you Sean Gale and I'll absolutely Jim McMahon with that. And I'm going to go with your boy Richard Dent right there. Richard Dent.

Yeah. If you know Richard Dent, then you're going to get it. And I'm going to go with Sweetness, Walter Payton. Yep. We're up to four. And I'm going to go with, um, of course, who else is it? It's that guy, uh, for Drater Perry. Yeah. Keep go. Who else do you know? Sean Gale, the killer right there. Uh, who was, he was on the team. Yeah, he was. I believe he returned kickoffs. I believe he returned his wife to heaven too, dude. Uh, yeah. Ronny Rooder. Willie Galt returned for them. Oh, Willie Galt. Willie Galt. Yeah. God damn. Dude, black people used to have more, much more kind of old school names, I feel like. Yeah. They had like, it was before the apostrophes and the quans and Willie Galt, you know, they had like Southern, they had like, uh,

uh, sharecroppers names. Yeah. They had definitely like hold over like second, third hand kind of, yeah, names like that. Like I remember like, uh, you'd meet a guy named Lilac or something like that and you'd be like, that is a, you know, LIL, L-I-L-A-C. Yeah. Like the, like the flower. Yes. Or Toby. Yeah. Or Toby. Uh, all right. Toby's a little too far away. Toby's a little bit. Toby, I can't get, I can't. And you didn't even know. I can't endorse that. Have you seen that Roots movie? Yeah, me and my grandma watching it on Christmas. You know what's interesting? There was a, wait, what the fuck did you just say? Every Christmas you watch Roots? No, just one time, but we watched a good four hours. Well, first of all, to get the feeling, to get the Christmas spirit. When my grandma gets

wrapped into something that she just said sucked in. Let's open some gifts. It was post gifts. Anybody who watches it more than once. Four hours, Jesus Christ. What about OJ Simpson is in it? OJ Simpson is in Roots. Yeah. That's, I forgot about that. There's a lot of legends in that movie. Who else? Sterling Sharp, maybe? No. Oh, they're making a new one. They did make it. It came out. It just wasn't that popular. Oh, wow. You know what was interesting? I read an article about Michael Jordan yesterday. There was a new one on ESPN where they said he used to be super disruptive in class after he saw Roots. Really? Which was like kind of mind-blowing because he just seemed so apolitical. Yeah. But he saw Roots

in 79 or seven and was like started fucking with people. I'm assuming white people, which is really surprising. There's a good, it's a long article in that. Dude, I remember seeing it. I got it through Netflix sent it to me. And this is when you had to get it each week. And I was like, holy shit. The old one. Yeah. I was like, what happened to these people? Like they kept sending it like they get a wait. Yeah. Get a wait for you to mail it and mail it back. And you felt so bad you would just wait by the mailbox and be like, just wait. Like, man, I'm sorry. You'd apologize all the time. Yeah, I remember walking up to the mailbox and then like, uh. Yeah, you're learning a lot. Ed Asner is in it. Yeah. I loved Ed Asner. Luke Gossett Jr. plays, I believe, Fiddler. Is that

his name? He was good. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Luke Gossett Jr. is amazing. No, Chicken George. He played Chicken George. Did he pass away? I don't know. Did who pass away? What about that? Six nine? Luke Gossett Jr. Lewis Gossett Jr. Do you think we'll ever get to a place where six nine will be in roots? What? The rapper six nine? I don't. Oh, Takashi. Like, yeah, yeah. Do you think? Oh, like, well, we'll do another roots and a remake. And he's, I don't think he could, I don't think he could play a slave. Oh, he's also not black. I thought he was Puerto Rican. But, but you know what I'm saying with like forced diversity and like, you know, with, with, with everybody being allowed to play everything. Yes. Yes. And he, yes, he would

qualify as a lesbian and now you are. Okay, go on. Name Ken Theovon name for films directed by Spike Lee. I think you can. I don't think I can, but I'm going to do it. Um, I'm going to audience. Think about your answer before he begins. First of all, I don't like Spike Lee. Okay. So that's why I picked him. He's a, he's a, he's a political. I just looked like shit. I don't care about the direct. I mean, yeah, some of the movies are whatever. I mean, I liked definitely white men can't jump and poetic justice. He was not involved in either of them. Are you serious? He won't even close to them. Are you thinking he got game with Denzel? That was Spike Lee. I was thinking about white men can't jump. White men can't jump. You're thinking of he got game. You're thinking of. Yeah. I don't,

I just think what's the time to overrated. That's what I mean. I shouldn't say I don't like him. I shouldn't say he looks like shit. I just, you know, he looks like somebody that fucking managed a like, uh, like one of those places at the Dave and Buster's. If you go cash in the tickets, he looks like the dude that managed that for like 40 years. And then I just don't think he made that much good stuff. What did he make? You, so that's, you can't, you, that's, you could not answer. No, interest. Okay. All right. That's the, I figured there might be a limit there, but I'm, but I'm still surprised. Oh, well, Mack, Mack, I'm at Malcolm. Malcolm X. Malcolm X. Malcolm X. I've seen the original one. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's, but yeah, from like 91. Oh yeah. That one's good.

That's Spike. Wow. Yeah. Uh, Black Clansman. Do you see that? No. I didn't see anything. Um, Jungle Fever. She's got to have it. Uh, a little bit of booze. A lot of elves, bro. He took, yeah. I mean, he started taking elves pretty regularly. I just think he's overrated. I'm sure he's probably a neat guy. Yeah. 25th hour. People like that movie. I didn't like that movie. Bamboozled. He got game. He got game. You know what's great about he got game? It's just watching Ray Allen shoot. Really? So it's Ray Allen plays like a college basketball phenomenon. Yeah. And there's scenes where him and Denzel are arguing and Ray Allen's shooting jumpers and he makes like nine in a row from three at one point, but it's in the, it's in

a scene and there's no edits. Right. And it's fucking, you never see someone shoot like that. Like it's fucking, it's crazy because you just see a guy just make where you're like, are you, you know, you ever watched like Steph, uh, Steph Curry videos where he's just like, and you're like, this is weird. Like he's haunted electronics. Yeah. Like he might be a witch. Like they're haunted by a video game. Yes. I got a question for you. How long do you think Tekashi 69 will live? I think it's under a year. Really? I really do. I don't, I think he, he, I just think someone's going to kill him. Like for all the, what he did, I don't see how you survive that. And I also don't see how he gets bodyguards. Like I don't, I don't,

how desperate must the bodyguard be? Cause you're, he's also going to die. But bodyguard, that's your job. I mean, you don't, I don't think you have a bunch of plans if you're a bodyguard. You know what I mean? Like I don't think you have like a bunch of, you don't have like a five year plan. You don't have like, I want to be here. Then I want to be a different kind of body guy. Yeah. Yeah. Just be big and walk and get hit by stuff. Yeah. Stay in front of shit. Get hit by cars, take arrows. Yeah. Um, do you, but with that said, with that, will you be a little disappointed when he dies? I think he, I'll say this. I find him to be a hilarious cartoon brat. Yeah. In the abstract. You want to talk about a living troll. Yeah. I mean, a living, a living,

he's like, he's like, if you remember that Twilight Zone where there's a thing on the wing, there's like a monster on the wing in the plane. Uh-oh. It's, that's what Takashi looks like. He just looks like, like a little goblin. He's a goblin. He's a fucking legend, I think, dude. I mean, I think he, I think, I agree. I don't think he's going to live that long. Okay. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Dude. This looks like something Spike Lee. You're the 83 version of Twilight Zone. Oh, it's a new one. I like that. No, but that one's good. That guy, he's more of like a snow. But dude, but here's the thing though. His music is good. Oh yeah. That's the thing is I've never listened to his music. I will say I listened to XXX

and Tassiona after he died and I was surprised by how good it was. Yeah. I was like, oh, this is like, there you go. That's more what I was thinking. But he trolls. Oh yeah. I can see that a little. Takashi. Well, he's going to have to. It's going to be a unique world that he lives in because he's always going to have to be in hiding unless, does he have to go back to jail? Do you know, Nick, if he has to go back to jail after the virus? I don't know where it's at. I don't think he's out because of the virus. I think he's out because of the, I think he's out because because he just did, he turned states with us. But here's the thing. Did they even bust anybody that he snitched on? I think they did. They must have. I don't think they would bargain.

I don't think you would get a plea deal if you didn't have good information. Because that's my guilty pleasure is going and watching his stuff sometimes and seeing what he's up to. You know, I watched the video. He's yeah, he's a he's a he's a he's a living troll. Yeah. Like he recently he tried to out billboard. He was saying that Justin Bieber and Arianna Grande paid to get number one on the billboard. Yeah. He was saying that like at the last minute, people would buy, you know, listens to their songs or something. But I mean, I think that kind of stuff has always been like those charts can be manipulated. I feel like yeah. Well, what's funny is like the song is called I'm back and they mad.

Yeah. Well, it's like, yeah, you of course they're mad. You fucking snitched on a gang. He did lie or he snitched or whatever. But I can't believe there's so much. Is there a lot of like, is there a real code of conduct between some of these fucktards really? I think the only. Well, yeah, first of all, yeah, code at black don't seem like he has a real code of conduct, you know. Yeah. I think the thing is you're not the one thing you're not supposed to do is you just can't snitch. If you're all doing crime, you can't. You can't flip. Right. That's the only. I think that's the but none of them. Yeah. That's a good rule. Yeah. Like none of them have like you to your point. I don't think that

they don't have a code, but it's they start doing it because they're desperate. And then it's like, well, they made that decision. They did crime because they're desperate. They're going to turn because they're just going to. What's the desk? And if you're in a desperate situation, he's going to take the he's just going to continue to take the I bet he dies of an overdose. That would be more. Yeah. I don't I'm sure his existence is a form of misery as like angry and fucking ah, it's it's got to be scary as she like your body can't take that kind of stress. Yeah, I agree. The constant like, oh, them, them, them, like them, them, them. And you really do have people out to kill you. Yeah. To kill you. Someone could openly say I want to kill you.

And everyone would be like, even the cops be like, but is he now under with witness protection? Is he under our police watching him? Like, are they protecting him as well? I don't that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think the cops are going to protect them. But I don't. I think they change program would change your identity. I'll tell you what, here's a question. We don't know this. We definitely don't know. All right. What is Takashi's plea agreement? All right. All right. This one, I think you will get. All right. Name three people who have served as governor of California. Oh, Gavin Newsom. Uh, Sonny, uh, son, uh, I know this. I can't believe you're about to say who you're going to say. Really? I can't believe that you, because I didn't remember

this one. I don't know if I remember it, but let me think. Uh, uh, Reed, I think his name was Sunshine Brown. Uh, Jerry, Jerry Sunshine. Sunshine was like his nickname. Yeah. Sunshine, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry Brown. Uh-huh. Wow. And, uh, oh, Villargoza. And, uh, Antonin Villargoza. No, I don't think he was governor. He was the mayor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, uh, those were the ones I thought you would get. I thought you might get Pete Wilson. Nope. There was a second governor of, he's really old, but his, his name was Sonny James Rolp. Did you mean Sonny James Rolp? No. I did not even know that guy. Be honest. Did you mean Sonny James Rolp? No. That guy looks like he definitely has your, he would get sunburned. He does, he would have to wear

leather driving gloves if he drove my family around. Look at that mustache. What a mustache. That's a goddamn broom. What are you, uh, are you like, what are you okay with right now? Like what are you okay with as far as like socially right now? Do you feel like, um, I don't, would you go on a date? Would you take a date somewhere? I don't think I would. I don't think I would, uh, because I don't, I mean, would I have a date over? I don't think I would do that either in that I don't want someone I don't know at my house. Right. But is that just a general rule of thumb? No, I would. Well, no, the problem was that was like my, I mean, I would just go like, let's just go to my house and like, give a nice place. Yeah, it's nice, but it's not

like, hmm, it's nice, but it's meaning I'd rather do that than like, let's go to the fucking bumper car, whatever people do on dates. Right. Miniatur got like, I just wasn't, I don't really drink. So that really reduces what you can do on dates as you know. Yes. You would rather take just a more low key approach. Yeah, like let's just order some food and talk and talk and watch Netflix and talk shit. And what you, if you're going to make a move on a date, do you kind of do the couch kind of move? Is it that sort of thing? Yeah, I have a couch and, um, yeah, but it's like you kind of scoot closer on the couch. Yeah, I feel like most of my first kisses in the recent life have been in my car. It's a Tesla. So, um, I mean, say no more. Yeah. Um, uh, the, the, the, um, the, um,

the, um, it's so great. Can you imagine how many angry, literal people? Oh, it's got to be 90% right now. Like, oh, furious, furious. It's proving the opposite of what you wanted to signal. Wait till one day he just presses a button and the Patriot plays on the dashboard of everyone. Bald Eagle. Um, so it's been, but on the couch, yeah, it's, I rarely is it like the first kiss on the couch. Usually it's in the car because we go somewhere or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah. And then it's like, okay, goodbye. That's what it sounds like. Dude, what do you, like, this is always the weirdest moment I feel like if, like, cause you like, I feel like here's how you know, I feel like if a girl doesn't want to

kiss you, she gets out of your car real fast. So that's the vibe I kind of take as like, okay, there's an opportunity to kiss, maybe kiss here, you know? I think if there's any delay, they, the, here's the one of the, if there's a delay and like, okay, so then do something. Now, if she double check, sometimes they'll double check their bag. Yeah, like, oh, do I have everything? Yeah. Do I have my keys? That can sometimes be a faint. That can be like a fake out that like kiss her. That's not it. That's not a green light. Yeah. If there's just a delay and like a beat of like, huh, that's the time. A thing that I do sometimes, the, oh, is I will say maybe a half hour before I'll be like, you know, I'm going to kiss you

just so you know, at the end of the day, just FYI. I like that. Yeah. That cupid's arrow is coming. Little cupid arrow. I got it in my quill. I like that. Yeah. Let me show you. Yeah. Little, just say FYI. Oh, I like, that's a good idea. Cause it's, it's like flirty, but it's kind of like it's flirty. It's, you're asking, you're basically asking for consent and you're asserting, you're being assertive, which women like, um, they like, like, I want a guy who's like assertive and like, so you just go, and then if she goes, no, you're not, then you're okay. Yeah. You're like, you're damn right. I'm not who we even want. I don't even like it. Yeah. I fucking hate mouth. Now, here's the crazy thing. Do you ever notice like my whole life? I've been like this, like, I've been

like, so if you are like, I just don't know what I'm talking about. And then my brain kind of shuts down and I can't even hear what I'm saying anymore. And then I'll just go in like real quick. I feel like there is that thing. No, it's like when there, a bomb goes off in a movie where it's like, or there's like, that's what it's a bit like before you're going to move in for a kiss where there's a bit of like, it's a netherworld underwater. It's not normal life. It's a little heightened and there's a little like fear. It's like a move. It's like, we're taking this to the next. I'm always like, yeah, I love going to different places. There's just something like, it's always something. Your last line before you make out is always like a bummer like,

no, you're right. We should. Yeah. Oh, really? Your parents are chickens are great. They have overinflated the COVID death rate. Yeah. That is a funny. I remember the first time I kissed a girl, it was like, I was like in sixth grade, fifth or sixth grade. Yeah. And it was like sponsored by another couple who were hooking us up. Me and this girl was like a church group. No. Well, it was Catholic school. And so they were like, we're all going to, let's go to the park, make out with Margaret. What's her name? This is back in the 1800s. Yeah. Wait, I think I saw this was this little women. Yeah, it was little women. It was a little house in the prairie. Is this sense and sensibility? Margaret. Again, no one thinks you know sense and sensibility.

That's what I'm talking about. Dude, one of the best movies to take a nap to in the history of the world. Put on sense and sensibility and lay down. Even the voiceover of sense and sensibility is a whisper. Scorsese directed sense and sensibility. Really? Yeah. That's a fucked up. Yeah. The fucking king of the gangsters also directed sense and sensibility. Anyhow, it was good. So as they were going, Margaret, I was on the ground, Margaret, great older. She's coming in for the kiss. And the last thing I heard was she was a great older. Yeah. They said, open your mouth to me. And then I opened my mouth. And then I was like, Oh, this is weird. You just fucking tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue. Do you think going back to that space that you open your mouth and you open your eyes

wider at the same time when they said that just out of like some weird like. No, I think my eyes might have been closed. Oh yeah, I could see that. I think my eyes were closed and they were like, you got to open your. Hey, guy, you got to open your mouth because this isn't going to be anything. If you don't open, I don't think they were like clamped. Yeah. I just think that they were not. It was not kissing. They were not kissing. Hey, buddy. Hey, guy, not closed, buddy. You gotta get going, man. We got to look. We feel awful. All right. Question number four. Theo, what is it? And do you think Theo knows the answer? Does Theo know what a carburetor is and does? Yes. Yes, he does. Go. I'm going to say. I think it does. You think so? Yeah. This

is the sort of thing I expect you to know. But if you told me you didn't, I, because your. A carburetor, I feel like. A carburetor, boy. A carburetor. I feel like a carburetor takes heat off of the engine. What do you think, Nick? I have no idea. Does it have smoke in it? I'm looking at it. A carburetor. A carburetor. I like that you're trying to think of the times you've heard it. People talk about it. Yeah. A carburetor is a device that mixes air and fuel for internal combustion engines in the proper fuel. Yeah. I don't know. That carb. You got to use that carb. And look what they call in Australia. You'll like this. What? A carburetor. A carburetor. Of course. Because it's Australia.

They put a Y on the back of everything. I met a guy from Australia the other day. That carburetor. Yeah. So carburetor. All right. So that, I bet a lot of people are surprised you didn't know. Because I didn't really know. And I still don't even know that I know what it is. I'm like, I don't really know what that is. It feels like it's part of the engine. Yeah. It sounds like it is. That carburetor boy. It is part of the engine, but I don't, let's not count that one. Oh, I'm counting it. Okay. Count it. So you did know the bears. You didn't know Spike Lee. You did know California. You did not know what a carburetor is. Okay. Okay. Here's one. Okay. Will Theo know what AIDS is an acronym for?

I think you will. I'm going to go with autoimmune deficiency syndrome. That is correct. I believe it's acquired immune, but it might be autoimmune. Either one is right. Right. Nick acquired, but autoimmune is fine. Did you ever think you had had AIDS and got tested for it? No. I mean, other people think I have it. Really? I'm looking at it. I've never ever think AIDS. No, I know. AIDS, like something lesser. Maybe that you had a neighbor that had polio. I never, no, but you remember having sex in the 90s. It was like a, it was, you, it was scary. It was, it was really a fear. Think about it. Like really think about it. It's more than I think about STDs. Now you would think, am I going to die from this? Oh, I remember being so angry at

somebody when I was young that I told people they had AIDS. How old? Like high, grade school, high school. Now that I sound it out, probably graduate school. Probably 29. Yeah. Wow. Were they funny, bro? I don't want to know any follow-ups. I don't want to know anymore. Do they have, do they ever confront you about it? No, man. It's not funny. And I hope that they're doing good too. Is there something interfering with your happiness, with your joy, with that sunshine getting inside of your body and just bouncing off inside of you? Is there something that's preventing you from

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off your order at buyraycon.com slash ThEO. Now these are already great priced earbuds. And you're going to get 15% off. That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash ThEO for 15% off Raycon wireless earbuds, buyraycon.com slash ThEO. What about this though, I'm going to ask you this actually is, do you, do you, what are we talking about? I look like I do. Oh, I'll tell you this. So whenever, yeah, in my 20s, I had, I had pretty heavy erectile dysfunction. I just had severe anxiety with what I had sexual anxiety. So man, I would get like, do you have, do you still have sexual anxiety or do you have sexual neuroses? I still have it. Like I still get like, yeah, like I still definitely have like some issues. Like if I get in a relationship, like I

don't, like it's just tough for me to want to have sex if I'm in a relationship, that kind of thing. Like, and do you have you like talk to a therapist? Oh yeah, they're tired of hearing about it. Honestly, what do you, what do they think it is? Fear of intimacy? Yeah, probably fear of intimacy. Just, but it's not like performance, like I'm not a man or I'm not going to be good at it or I'm not, I don't think it's that. Yeah. And when I was younger, I just didn't know what it was. I just knew that I was just super, super nervous. And so I remember going to the doctor one time and saying, look, I just want to make sure that I know that this is just in my head or if it's in my body, right? Because this reminds me of the story you told me about your buddy. So they gave

you an injection, this man, and this guy was an complete asshole. I think if you're going to inject something to somebody's penis, yeah, that's, yes, have a little bedside manner. Little something. Yeah, this guy was like lollipop or of story or something. Yeah, this guy was like that monkey on the Donkey Kong, just fucking humming barrels. This guy did not care at all, right? Like he'd throw a barrel of softener at a dick on a ladder, you know, like this guy just, but here's what they did. They injected something into your penis and they say that it's going to, it's going to get hard for a while. And, and then you have to just monitor and let them know like how long it stays hard for. And, and you basically to stay in this,

stay in this room for like six hours. And it was the scariest thing ever, man. And did you have a bone of the whole time? Yeah, had a bone of the whole time. And yeah, it starts to get, it gets kind of discolored and you're like, what is going on? You get scared, it hurts. Yeah. It does, it's just too much blood trying to get out of your penis. It's like all your blood wants to, it's almost like trying to, like your blood is like trying to have a bloody nose, but it's in, but it can't. Yeah, but it can't. And it's like, it just, man, it hurts so bad, but I need to find it out. Yeah, it's nothing physical. You don't have any physical problem. Were you not supposed to jerk off? Did he, did he give you a direction on that?

I can't remember. It was too painful to two masturbate. Wow, that's interesting. Yeah. Cause the injection was just to make sure that blood, that the blood flow was working. Yes. So it was like, okay, we're going to see how long these like things in your penis, blood tanks or whatever will stay full. And, uh, oh dude, it was so scary and the guy was so mean and I was just not that you're supposed to be not, I guess. No, but it's, if you're dealing with dick stuff, it seems like, like, you know, be humane about it. Yeah. Cause it's a 10 for a guy. It's like, it was scary. It's, it's like a, it's a, it's a cause of fear and like vulnerability. Yeah. And I was, I was a flirt with that way. I mean, I'm always flirting with whoever, you know,

I'll flirt with everybody, but, um, oh man, but that, yeah, that was miserable, but it did help me realize, okay, it's nothing physical in my body. So there's nothing in my body. Were you relieved that there was nothing physical? Yes. That took off a ton of, because I just had no idea. I'm always like, maybe I'm not stretching enough. Yeah. Maybe I'm not having enough lemonade, you know, just anything. Yeah. It could be like, I don't know if I can have that. That'll clog my dick up. You know, no, two pieces of cheesecake, no way. You know, and this is probably before Google. So it's just all word of mouth. Yeah. Yeah. When Google could just be anybody, it could be any fucking. Yeah. Google was just a,

anyone you were talking to was Google. You're, you know, who really was Google, you know, an older relative was absolutely Google. You're fine, you little faggot. All right. You're just crazy. Yeah. Well, then there it is. That's my, there's my answer. Yeah. We just get so like, I don't know, man, but anyway, so that was relieving just to know that, but would you go down on women or do something to, uh, to kind of take the focus off of you or to push the focus off? Yeah. I would do anything, man. I would be like, oh, I got to go, you know, run or something to eat or anything, anything to kill time. So people don't have to fuck, you know, and I don't have to be one of those people, even though I wanted to be one of

those people. But would you start, would you like get, would you, would you ever do the thing where you give them an orgasm and then you like, oh, you know what, I'm not, we don't have to worry about me. No, that's been later in my life. Like I'm not into it, like ejaculating or anything like that. Like that's kind of, I don't really do that anymore. Like if I'm doing sex, I'm not doing any, I'm more, I'd rather not ejaculate now. I feel like it's almost, it's more avant-garde or something or more, not avant-garde, but more. This is where I go. I have no idea what you're going to say when you go now ejaculating and I'm like, I literally could say anything. Well, I want to be on that. You know, I want to, I'm always trying to think of like, yeah, I just,

I don't know, coming on somebody seems old fashioned. We talked about this the other day, didn't we? Or ejaculating onto somebody just seems so like gay. Oh, it's so, it's so cavey. Yeah, it's like caveman. Yeah, it's like ejaculating your own house, you know. Yeah, or something, like get out. What are you doing? Yeah. Go in the, go to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, what a creep. What are you? Yeah, your penis has a problem. Yeah, like why would you, what is happening? Yeah, it is so graphic and so like, it's crazy because women just like, you know, shake. Yeah. Whereas, we have a deliverable. We have a new thing. Like, look at this thing. I have a thing, a third thing now. I conjured this thing up. What about this? I've seen that. But yeah, man, that stuff was

always trick of me. And the worst thing is, is figuring out like being sexually comfortable for me anyway, the toughest thing. It's just, you're like, man, I want to figure this out. But then time keeps ticking. And you're like, I'm gonna have really 100% figured out in this life. You know? Yeah. Yeah, that's the, yeah, that's a funny thing where I don't know if we talked about this last time, but it's like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe I don't get married. Maybe that doesn't happen for me. Maybe there's not enough time in life for me to crack that 80 years. Man, just it's a 190 year problem. Yeah. It's a 190 year riddle. And I just can't, I don't have time. I'm never gonna, there's no point in starting because I'll never sell. It's not solvable. Yeah. For, yeah. Sometimes

I think that about certain things, like, especially when it comes to like, kind of relationships and that comfortability and that sort of thing. And yeah. And the intimacy and relationships for me, I'm just like, man. And at a certain point, I don't want to endanger anybody else's feelings anymore. That's exact, dude. That's, and I don't know if we talked about this before. That's exactly the point. It's when guys, guys do the most damage when they think they can be good. Like, I'm, no, I'm a normal, healthy person. Meanwhile, you're like, no, you're not. Yeah. In the back of your head, you're like, you're fucking not normal and healthy. Yeah. But you're like, no, I want to be the kind of guy who seems normal and healthy. And you know, just not. And then they ruin women's

lives because women want to believe it. He knows it. He's done it. And you, did he get married? No. Did you ever live with somebody? I kind of am at the moment. And are you any good at it? Yes. I work all the time. So it helps. Yeah. Yeah. But we don't have any gifts for it. No. And it's true. Yeah. That's my big or maybe some guys do. I will say I don't have many and sounds like you don't have many. Yeah. I think it's really tough. I mean, I think that's one of the reasons like sometimes I like spending time with my girlfriend because it's just, we at least like get along well and it's easy. Yeah. And the expectations are manageable. The expectations are manageable and I care about her. It's like, and there's not like, we don't have like a real

sexual, uh, there's not that element in our relationship really. So it's just like a friendship really. Yeah. And so it's like, I almost start to think sometimes, I don't know, maybe this is crazy to think, but it's like, maybe I just would get married to a friend or something and just, you know. Well, then you're into, do you need a companion? Cause there've been times during this, this COVID where I've been like, man, I'm glad no one was here this whole time. Right. Like, or I'll be here. I'll be like, someone would have had, a girlfriend would have been here the whole time and would be with me right now. Yeah. And I, and I wouldn't be escapable. Yeah. You just can't. And that's where I'm like, I'm not, I don't think I'm built like

that. I don't need a companion. So a lot of people do. I don't think I do from what I can tell. But do you think you would like to challenge it? Cause I think that too for myself sometimes it's like, okay, sometimes I think, well, then maybe I, but am I willing to challenge myself enough? But what's the challenge? It's like, it's like, see if I can just be like, yes. Can I get through it? Yes. I can get through it. There's something about that though. There's something about some guy seeing some guy, you know, right before he dies and his wife's right there. And he's like, I fucking did it. Yes. You know, there's some element of life. Yes.

Like I respect that guy. When I see that guy, dude, and his wife is saying something and he hadn't heard it for 12 years, you know, because he's heard it all. He knows what it is. Yeah. You know, there's some, there's a level of like, well, I just salute that guy. Absolutely. Do you salute her though? If it's, if the, if the, if the places are traded, if she's in bed, she's in the death bed and he's been a loyal husband. I mean, I think, I mean, yeah, I think it's great what she's doing, you know, but I think the women salute her, you know, like I only, I guess I'm thinking specifically from a man, you know, like, Well, that's the thing of like the men, sometimes it's not hard to be around women, but like,

we don't have a ton in common, just like naturally, like where we, the stuff we talk about, the way we deal with each other, like men fuck with each other constantly. Oh yeah. Yeah. And we're interested in different shit. Like women generally don't love violence. Yeah. The way we do, they don't love competition, whatever. There's just like a lot of significant differences. There are a lot of ways in which we do line up, but then there's a lot where we don't. So I don't, sometimes I find that I can't, the good stuff isn't worth the bad stuff. I mean, the stuff where it's like, butting heads isn't worth the nice parts. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is, but it's like, it, it, so I, I can get through this. I've stayed in relationships.

I didn't shouldn't have stayed in. Oh yeah. Because of like, I wanted to make a fucking effort. Yeah. I'm fucking get in there, Admiral. Yeah. Like I fucking did it back in there. Yeah. Like fucking put, throw the quarter off of my fucking face. Yeah. I can do it, but it doesn't mean I should. And that's the thing that bothers me about kind of societal norms is like, you should, it's admirable. Like why? It doesn't mean it's just a thing that I got through. It's not a thing that, why do you want me to do a thing I don't really enjoy? Right. But then I want, right. I agree. I wish I enjoyed it. There's my, I'm also saying I wish I enjoyed it more. I wish I was an easier, I wish I had an easier personality, but there's something also then about being part

of, but I don't know, but I agree. And then I think like, but then also there's probably somebody that, you know, needs to be loved out there and I could do my best to help them, you know, or to love them, you know, and then I think like, you know, there's billions of people that need to be loved by you. Right. So then if you could just get one, you know, get them in the house, you read together sometimes. No, I know, but then it just becomes like a bird. You're just getting a bird. I mean, you're, you know what I mean? Like each other's birds. You're getting an iguana. That's fine. I think some relationships are like that. I think some of them are, you guys are each other's pets almost in a way. Yeah. You know, I think, look at my Rodney, you

know, yes. I got a new jersey. The way they talk about men is like that. We're like, see, and I, do you see what I did? And I got him a shirt and I got him the douche. Come on Rodney, show him your new shirt. Yeah. Then we were like, huh? Rodney's been dead for a month. But there's something though. But getting up, being alone, being alone isn't fun either a lot of times. I don't mind it. Being alone long term. I think it gets lame-er though. As we get further into our lives, I think it gets lame-er. And sometimes you're like, can you still relate to people as much? Or are you just that outsider? Well, that's the problem. People start thinking you're homosexual as well. Or you know, there's gay Randall or whatever. He can't, you know, his wife, you know, he don't

have a wife. Yeah, they don't put anything on it. If you're married to a woman, I did a joke about that. Oh, he collects little pictures of men. Yeah, he does. Yeah. No, that's the joke. I did a joke about, as a woman, don't give you any. If you, I'm 46, I've never been married. Women are like, this guy's a maniac. Oh, yeah, you're getting into that fricking, yeah. How old are you? I am 40 years old. Yeah, you're welcome to it. I'm 40. I'm gonna be 41. Yeah. Next year. Yeah. So like I'm in the fucking, I'm in the, like the, I used to do a joke, like women would give me more credit if I'd been married and murdered my wife. Yeah. Then having never been married, like something's the matter with you. Yeah, most of my, the biggest thing I feel like I want,

I just want to apologize to any women I've ever been in relationships with. I think what we're trying to say here is, sorry. I feel like, yeah. But I bet you're a decent, I bet you're like, nice. Are you not nice? Oh yeah, I think that I am nice. I think I'm, I'm mostly nice. I mean, I have like, I have a like jagged personality, but I'm not, when I was young as separation disorder though, definitely. Like, I remember my first girlfriend, like she, she, you know, kind of bang some other guy and I remember I put Nair and her shampoo and like I was, you know, I was looking, I was headhunting, you know, and I was gonna start with the hair, you know, I was just, just angry or like, I know it's out of a girl's compartment.

I mean, that's, that's, I don't think you would have done that for no reason. Yeah. I think I was young too. Yeah. You know, that's some of that, that young, that young shit. Like you don't know what else, you think that's well, now I have to put Nair and her shampoo. Yeah. Like naturally. This is how this ends. Yeah. This is, that's the, that's the logic. Yeah. This ends with her looking like a little bit of, did she end up using it? Like, not Doc Rivers, I don't know who else is thinking of, but she didn't, one of her roommates used it, but she was fine. And I didn't know, I didn't know anything about it. I mean, Nair is such a strong smell. They can tell instantly. Oh God, I've never, I don't know what it smells

like. It's not like burn, like chemically. It smells like, like it's nice, but, but that somebody could really get hurt. That's what it smells like. It smells like, oh, wow, this is kind of cool. But then you're like, oh, this could be really dangerous. I had a Theo thought one time where I was thinking, and I was like, I should give this to Theo, uh, where I was thinking about, uh, sex, like the smell of sex afterward. Oh yeah. And I had the thought, uh, it smells like people been doing arts and crafts. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then I thought that I should give that to Theo. With their body, Doc. Yeah. Been making some arts and crafts. Did you ever, I don't even know I'm talking about this today, but did you ever feel like

one of your underarms smelled like vagina sometimes? Did that ever come to your mind? Well, that, uh, there's another question that was good. How, what's the longest you've gone on COVID without taking a shower and what, how bad did it get? Oh, nothing too crazy. I would say maybe 72 hours, probably. If I'm not feeling good, I'll have to go back to sleep and restart my day. That's what I'm one of those kind of people. Like I have to take a nap. Like if I get real angry or anything, I have to take a nap and then kind of restart my day. Basically like, like a seven hour old. Put yourself in time out. But if I can't do that, if I can't fall back and sleep, I'll take a shower. Okay. And so that'll get me, it's like a recalibration. 72. That's three days?

Yeah. I would say three days. Casual. What do you think, Nick? For me personally, I shower every day. I love showering. It starts my day. Damn. Sorry. Sorry, Obama. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Chancellor. Yeah. I went, I think I went four days during COVID and it smelled like, it smelled like Wrigley Field after the seventh inning stretch. That's getting messy. The bathroom, the long urinal. If you've been to Wrigley Field, they used to have like trough urinals. Oh yeah. Family style. Yep. And that's what it smelled like. Oh yeah. And then that was on the bottom. Up top, I would say it smelled like. Look at it. Beautiful, beautiful. There it is. Pistoterias right there. There it is. Not the Ivy. I love

that. Oh, you could eat out of those. Yeah. That's wonderful. That's a salad. It's a salad bar right there. That's a buffet. That's a before photo. And up top, it smelled like someone was making soup. Oh yeah. But no one was making soup. Yeah. I get that beefy smell sometimes. Yeah. Where it's like onions and. But do you ever have that, do you ever notice one of your underarms and be like, oh wow, that smells like a wimp, like a female's kind of. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's the same dynamic which is. Closed up space. A closed area. Yeah. Closed up. Yeah. I mean, they, yeah, they add another element. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's interesting because I always thought I was the only person and I can't tell anybody this. I always felt like it was this crazy secret

that I had like a vagina under like, or like I was supposed to be a woman. You know what I'm saying? Like when you're young, you think like, oh my God, you know, there's like a woman trapped on a wrong arm. Yeah. Or sorry, you know, just crazy shit. Yes. Of course. All right. What else you got, Nick? Anything else good? Hold on. Okay. I believe you're going to know this. Name two books by Ernest Hemingway. Oh, I know this one. What did the audience think? Kind of told me. I would, I would have guessed yes. I think he knows literature quite a bit actually. I hear some, some crazy references pulled out. And I'm going to go with Sun Also Rises and Moby Dick. He did not write Moby Dick. Are you serious? Yeah. I had the same

thought and I can't remember who wrote it. Did one of his friends write it? Who wrote it? Oh man, I can't even remember either. It is Herman Melville. Do you want a third? Do you want to guess a different one? Hemingway? No, I just knew that one they had us read in high school Ernest Hemingway. I never really liked Hemingway, man. I thought it was good. I think Muriel's pretty hot, but I never. I haven't read any of it. You haven't? No. It was always a little, I don't know, short. I like the short sentences. He was like super into like outdoorsy guy shit, right? Yeah, he hunted and stuff. Yeah, boats and he was like Cameron Haynes basically. Yeah. This is kind of early Cameron Haynes, I guess. All right. We did not, I'm surprised. Sorry,

folks. He did not know. This one I think you're going to know. Name three songs. Can you name three songs by Def Leppard? Let me think about it. Def Leppard? Uh-huh. I would say uh. It's not Def Leppard. No. Fuck. I would have guessed you did. I would have guessed you did. I was going to say Cherry Pie, that's what I was going to say. That's Warrant. That's Warrant. Yeah. That's Warrant, bro. I fucking love Warrant. Here we got the old man in the sea for whom the bell tolls. That's, those are not Def Leppard songs. Those are the, that is Hemingway books. In our time, sun also rises. Farewell to arms to have and have not for whom the bell tolls, the old man in the sea. What do you think? I have a question then. What do you think?

How do you think comedy looks after this? Where do you think we go from here? I don't know. I mean, everyone has a different theory. I've never had been where people are like, people were saying early, like the comedy middle class is going to be fucked. Like people that are open micers that work day jobs will be fine because they can, and then like headliners will be okay. I don't know if anyone's going to have to stop doing stand-up. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think anyone, I don't know how many clubs are going to shut down completely, but so you just headline fewer clubs, I guess. We, I mean, there's few, there's less money coming in.

I mean, we had Brad Williams was on the other day. Yes, I think that there will be less money, but I don't think it'll be, you can no longer be a comedian. I think you can still make a living doing it. It'll, it, for some people, it will be a worse living, but I don't know. I was supposed to start a show in New York, like a one-man show May 5th and had the theater and everything and it's just gone. Do you, I mean, I can't help it. It's interesting because you can find an airplane. Yeah. But you can't sit in a venue, you know? Well, that's what the, the, I read yesterday, I think 50% of job, like hospitality and live events is down 50% employment. So half the people are unemployed, but then there's, I've read another thing where they,

there are venues like 300 Cedars are basically saying to headliners, like headliner, headliners, like there's a place called City Winery in New York. There's like eight of them. There's like, in different cities, it's basically a live music venue or performance venue. They, they basically said to headliners, like we could have 80 people in here and you can charge whatever you want. So there are, there are certain acts that are thinking like, I could charge 300 bucks a ticket and if it's 80 people that the gross is 24 grand, maybe I can walk with 14 or whatever, you know what I mean? Like something or you get the whole door. Like if you, if you have fans that can pay a lot of money, you could do shows tomorrow. Right. You just have to charge people a lot of

money. Yeah. Right. To, to, in order to enforce social distancing, you're going to, I, but I, once there's a, let's say there's a vaccine in a year, I think it goes more or less how it was. I don't fucking know. I, it seemed right. What do you think? I think so. I think, yeah, I think you get back to, I mean, I think, you know, some of the clubs are opening up. They had a hundred people and 125 people and the ones that in Oklahoma city and, and, and Salt Lake city. I just wonder if they're going to, you know, if that works, I can't see them after, you know, a couple of weeks, not sliding in an extra table here or there, you know, or like, I mean, a little bit of that's going to happen. So you're going to increase that. Right. Will there be raids or will people,

I, I had the thought and I, and I'm, I'm fairly, I'm not certain about much in COVID. There's not going to be another lockdown, meaning once this lockdown's over, they're not going to be able to do another one. Right. I don't, I just don't think people are going to go for it. Yeah. I don't know if, because I think now I think people are like, okay, we did, we tried to flatten the curve. I think now too many people just don't know what to believe. There's that. I also think even if there's a second wave in the fall, I think you're not going to be able to shut the country down. I just don't, I think people are going to be like, no man, we did it. We gave, we did three months. Right. Of, of a, a worse life

for almost everybody. I have a worse life for everybody. It's a worse life. Right. It's more a different life. Yeah. It's, but I think for a lot of people, it's people are, even I'm not that social. I still wish I could go work and do socialize. Right. Yeah. I don't think people are going to go for it again. I think it'll be, some of it on the right will be, we don't believe you, and some on the left will be like, ah, come on, man. Like we did it once. The economy's on life support. Yeah. And so that's the, I think that if there is a second wave, I think it's going to be every man for himself. I think people are just going to be like, there you go. I love that. You and Shaw, we're going to be fucking flying off. I've always felt every man for himself.

What do you think? You like that, Nick? I don't know. If you, you could completely quarantine and not leave your house if that's the fear, if you're older. That's what I'm saying. Like my mom's 87. Yeah. And I've had to like yell at her and be like, look, stay home. Like, well, I, no, no, you're 87. There's a, if you get COVID over 80, there's a 20% chance you die. Yeah. That's a freaking wrap up for it right there. Yeah. Now having said that, there was a guy, show the picture of the guy who was at Miami music festival and he almost, he was ripped. It was on BuzzFeed news. He was yoked and then he, and then he got, is it Aaron Berg? This guy was on steroids. Oh, that's funny. I didn't even think about that. I'm so naive. Yeah. He probably,

if you don't get steroids for a while, especially during this thing, then you get, No, if you do Miami, yeah. I think this, I went to high school with this kid named Chris. I think, is that him? What's this guy's name? Yeah, that guy just, he didn't have any steroids left. I've seen this kind of shit. And if you completely stop lifting, you don't, you don't eat, eat, dehydrate. So like it can. So he was in, he was in, like intubated for six weeks and he thought it was a week. Wow. Yeah. He like, said to the nurse, I'm about like, Hey, so it's been a week. She's like a week. You've been here six weeks. Living off the freaking government's dime,

this bastard. Just laying there in a coma, bro, wake up man. Bro. Yeah. You gotta get back out of Who straps it, bro? He went from you to me, basically. Yeah, it's tight enough, dude. Fucking poor guy. It was Polio Nation, dude. It was 26% of his body weight in six weeks. That's a lot.

Yeah, but that's what I was saying. Like, it's gonna be every man for himself. I was joking on the way over here that there should be, you know, like the NFL Combine? Yeah. That should just be like, if you can run the 40 in under eight seconds, you're good to go. Like, you can, you're good.

Do you, huh? Like, people on the starting line with their bucket. Are they gonna be it, man? Do the high jump, just like, are you fit enough? They'll be all right. The chances are you're gonna be fine. Yeah. That, and I, but I, because I truly don't believe

they're gonna be able to do it again. I don't think, I think enough businesses will be like, I'm not gonna have a business. Yeah. I think there's, like a quarter of businesses are fucked anyhow. Well, a lot of people are operating more than the deal. I go to a trainer and see a trainer on the DL, you know,

like, and it's, you know, they have a curtain in front of the, you know, right when you said nobody could see. Yeah. I know people are getting like secret haircuts, back alley haircuts. Yeah. I went and got one yesterday at a garage over in Rosita. Somebody on my off Twitter.

Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. So I had to finish it up myself a little bit. She kind of didn't, she didn't do bad, but she didn't do great. But what do you think about the Joe Rogan deal? There I am right there in that garage in Rosita, man.

I've rolled in her and her husband do it. That's so goddamn funny. It was pretty good over there. I gave her a nice tip I felt like and they were, her husband has two kids that he's divorced, but he has two kids that moved to the town I'm from, actually in Louisiana and they're living over there. How old are they?

They're not of age now. I mean, the daughter sounded hot, but she's young, you know? But that's what the lady said. I didn't say that. I didn't even ask. Rogan, I think it's fucking awesome. I think it's, what do you think it's gonna do? What do you think it's gonna do?

Well, we talked about this on the phone. I don't think it's gonna do much. Me, I think it's good. I think it's unequivocally good. Cause the, like when Howard Stern went from radio to satellite it was almost like he left popular culture. Whereas Joe, podcast is already not, it's already like off the beaten path.

So I think he's not gonna be reduced culturally at all. Right. Like there's not, he's not gonna miss. I don't, I don't know how much that means to him anyway, but I don't, he's not gonna be any less relevant culturally. And it sounds like a lot of money. And with very little downside, it's like his listeners have to listen to ads.

I think there's, there'll be a subscription if you don't wanna listen to ads. It's the same as YouTube, right? Yeah. Kind of, yeah. It seems like he, I mean, he's like the guy to do it. Cause he got, like you said, he got everything he wanted.

He's licensed it, so he's not giving up IP. He can still put out YouTube clips, which is like his biggest growth. More people watch his clips than his full episodes on YouTube anyways. Yeah, I don't see, I don't see the downside. People are like, oh Spotify might be able to control them. A, I think that's why he's licensed.

They don't wanna control them. I mean, he's, the reason he's popular is cause he talks about 10 things. Like, you know what I mean? I don't think they're gonna be like, could you just focus on UFOs? Yeah. Like, it's just, they're not gonna,

and also once, if he feels like, if he even sniffs like they're trying to control them, he'll just go, fuck this, fuck this. I think that's why he said fuck this to YouTube. Cause they are doing some of that slightly censorship thing. I don't think- Oh, are they really? Yeah, I mean, just like, if you talk about Corona,

they'll de-minotize you. Yeah, and I think that kind of stuff could just be getting stronger, you know, as we go along. It definitely seems like on Twitter, it's like extremely, it's a very liberal app, it seems like, you know, like, so I think that, and, you know,

I think that I could see some of the other, you know, the giants, some of the other social media giants. And YouTube's almost, it's really kind of like social media in a way. I mean, it's, but I'm curious to see what Spotify's new interface is gonna look like. Cause if they're gonna start video, and they're gonna have his full episodes,

and then are they gonna buy other stuff to supplement it? Because you can't just go there, you know. I promise you they're gonna ask you, Schultz, Santino, I'm sure they've already asked Burr. Obama, does Obama have a deal at Spotify? That's a rumor that I heard. Yeah. Yeah, that was back in June already.

Yeah. So, yeah, like I'm sure they've already asked Burr, I'm sure they've already asked. Like then, I mean they, Bill Simmons, they gave him a hundred million, like. They gave him a hundred million. I think it was a hundred. Yeah, I think 150, but the difference there,

they bought the ringer actually. Joe Rogan just licensed it. Right. But they also pay Amy Schumer. She used to do a video. Yeah, Schumer's had a show. Joe Budden. Yeah.

Yeah, Joe Budden. So like they'll, they'll, you know, I think they'd rather have more than less. There's no downside. I mean, I, but like a lot of, my podcast is streams on Spotify. Like I don't, Joe wouldn't give it to them, I think. Right.

And. Yeah, I don't think, I mean, and they're gonna license, I guess at a certain point, he'll be able to get it all back. Yeah. Will they take everything he has on YouTube and put it on to Spotify? The full episodes, yes.

And it's gonna be like a slow transition. Okay. So it's been, yeah. So he's got a huge library. He's got 6,000 hours, I would guess. Wow. He's done, maybe not 6,000, but definitely 3,000. Yeah.

So I don't, I think it's good for both of them, honestly. And their stock went up 10%. Yeah. Like the, on the announcement, like they're, it's good. That's all they wanted. I wonder what their platform's gonna be like are people. I mean, it is time for YouTube to have a competitor for sure. Yeah.

And I don't know if that's the, that's, YouTube's gonna be hard to compete with because they have a 15 year lead. And they're owned by Google and like, they just have a lot of shit going for them. Yeah. But yeah, that's the, that's the, I'm happy for Joe and it seems like there's no downside.

And I, that, if that's a smart investment on their part, I said, I think I said to you on the phone, the fact that Comedy Central or a network never got a bunch of podcasts, video podcasts, and just put them on Comedy Central at 1030. The way E used to put Howard Stern on is bat, it's still baffling to me. It's still, because you look at the amount of hits

that we get, you'd be like, those are better numbers than Comedy Central numbers. Yeah. So why would you guys, and I think it's cause they didn't feel like they did it. Yeah. Like Love Line at night. Remember even having Love Line on, that was like having a podcast.

Basically just sitting there and that was, that was kind of a pop, that was a popular show. Yes. But Love Line was the, like a produced version of the radio show. I don't even think they needed to do all that. Yeah. They could have, what people didn't realize is this is enough.

Yeah. This is enough. They used to, I mean, Howard Stern used to show it and then they acted like, well, that didn't happen. And then I guess Imus did it on, he used to be on MSNBC. It's gonna be, I mean, it's definitely, it's definitely gonna be interesting.

Yeah. I think for Joe, it's really a no-lose. He just licenses, you know, he can have it back. I'm guessing whenever he leaves. The thing about Joe is he doesn't seem rich. Right. Even though he's been rich and now he's, now he's like getting to like wealthy. Yeah.

He doesn't, he just doesn't, hasn't really changed. He hasn't, he looks, he looks like he'd look if he worked construction. Yeah. Almost to the outfit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's on nothing's different. Which is part of his appeal.

He just doesn't, that's his sensibility. He's like T-shirts and jeans and. Yeah. And a pocket full of fresh Hulk meat. Yeah. What about the Comedy Central? Can you pull up Andrew Schultz's video for Comedy Central, please, on his Instagram? I love this shit.

Schultz called me on the way over here. He did? Yeah. How's he doing good? He's always good, huh? Yeah. He's got a good disposition. Yes, he does.

God, lucky bastard. Comedy Central got fired last week. Oh, I heard like every exec at Comedy Central got fired last week. I don't wanna dance on nobody's career, but that's what you get, you stupid ass. Be a genius. I'm done.

That's that Takashi right there. I know. That's awesome. That's good. That's crazy, man. Yeah. I mean, we were talking about it yesterday. They have passed on so many, I mean, I,

like, yeah, I mean. I never understood why they wouldn't just give people the benefit of, meaning sign people to a three year deal and go, just come up with a show for yourself. Yeah. And they go, all right, we'll shoot it. And then they go, do another one. Do another one.

Do another one. I have a theory that they didn't ever really like the shows that were hits for them. They didn't like South Park. They just found it crass. Or Tosh. Tosh they didn't like. It's just fratty, what they call fratty.

Yeah, like, oh, what is this junk? Yeah. That's what's paying your salary. Yes, that's the shit that keeps, like review and Nathan for you, don't make money. Tosh fucking makes money. Chappelle show makes money. They thought, I think they didn't like the tone.

It's just not like sophisticated and buttoned up. So it wasn't, Daily Show was kind of created in-house. Doug Herzog, who was the president, was like, we should do like a sports center for the news. Right. And they love John. And that's a big money maker. And Colbert was a fucking great show too.

Like both very good shows and very profitable for them. And then, but they're now, they had, all the people there had nothing to do with them. So they want to make sort of more broad city. And they want to make like- Jordan Kepler, whatever that show was, they picked up some, it's like, what is this? They made a lot of stuff that I felt like was like,

very leftist, you know, they didn't stay in the middle of the road at all. Well, they're not in the middle of, the people that worked there are not middle of the road. So that's what I'm saying. They think Tosh is fratty and Chappelle show is kind of fratty and South Park is kind of fratty. Like they don't-

It's so crazy. I just don't understand that, that you would, I don't know, I just, it makes me mad because I'm only in there so many times and pitched them so many things. I spent a year developing this really great project with them that I think I'm probably just getting up releasing on YouTube, you know?

It just burns me up sometimes, man. Some of the shit that they made. Yeah, I did a couple of files for them and they didn't pick them up. And I was always like, you don't want to just pick it up just because of Chappelle show? Just maybe? I don't know, fucking maybe.

Maybe I'm, maybe I'm good luck or something. I am all, I always do well. Like I did an hour on their network, it rated really well. Yeah. They just, I don't, I think certainly they just don't, they like who they like and they don't like who they don't like. And there's just nothing you can do about it.

Well, they always- It's like if a girl wants to sleep with you or not and you can't be like, don't you look at this tie? I don't care. I've already decided. And they make their mind up. They like sophisticated, alternative, Williamsburg-y, Silver Lake-y, that's their,

that's their, the people who works there is personality. Yeah. And so you seem, you're like Southern, what? Well, they hadn't had a Southern person on the network. I can't even remember since when, you know? It's just so messed up. Cause you know, they say they were like, oh, we want to, you know, we want to put

alternative voices in this and that. But it's like to get from, you know, a place in like a small town in the South to get here. And then to be able to continue to like, you know, weave your way through this place. And then you get to a level where you finally have some opportunity and they say, oh, no, this isn't for you.

It's like, do you know how fucking hard it was to do this? Yeah. Like it just, I don't know. Well, that's, I mean, the good news. It's not really progressive. It's like progressive is, you know, I don't know. It's because it's like, progressive should just be the funniest people,

but then they would get in trouble in the press and amongst their peers for not being more, So low. For not being more representative and shit like that. Like, so it just comes down to like, I told Trellis main this one time. It was like, white people don't make black movies cause they don't, they go to a cocktail party.

Making a black movie doesn't give you any cash, eh? They're like, oh, hmm. Like if you made, if you make like a Cohen brothers movie or if you make like a, if you make no country for old men or Fargo, that's, and you go to a cocktail party, you're going to fucking run that motherfucker. Right. But if you are like-

If you make a Tyler Perry movie. Right. If you make the cupboard seven or whatever. Yeah, like, so there's just no, there's like less incentive. And that's like with a lot of TV execs, they don't, their circle is all liberal snobs. And that's the thing I was saying to you on the phone yesterday

was like, as a comic, because we're comics, we travel all the time and we see people killing who we don't agree with. So we, every night we get our point of view like supported and not supported. So we know like our, yeah, my point of view is funny and I think it's right. And then I go on, I talk my fucking liberal shit,

then you go on after me and do- Do whatever I do. Do your thing, you do as well better around the same, whatever. So I can't be like, my point of view is the only point of, like you can't, as a comedian, I cannot think that. Cause A, I have to travel to Dallas and Houston and Austin and New Orleans and like places

where people are not like me. Right, but how close-minded is it to act like those people's sense of humor isn't relevant? Like that's the craziest thing to me. I just think that they're biased and they don't even, they think that people, those people's sense of humor is less, is just less sophisticated. And what I would say is they're not,

they're obviously, some of it is, but there's some dumb white, there's some like, it's not all fucking earnest goes to camp. Yeah, and in fact, a lot of it, that's so old shit. Yeah, of course, of course. It's almost like, but by alienating a lot of that part of the country, alienate a lot of great storytelling, you alienate, I mean, you just alienate so much, you know?

I just don't understand it, so. Now the good news is. You can do your own. You failed all the way to the back, you know what I mean? Like you failed and no one, it's hard because it's almost like a marriage thing where we don't get that like ceremony of success. That's the thing you always want to do.

In one thing, you want a fucking trophy and a party and we'll never get, like you won't get press coverage for this, you won't get. I think most people would look at your views or downloads and be baffled, you know what I mean? Like if you're like, what? For that, for just that, they don't understand, they literally are confused by it.

So that's the great thing about doing stand-up is like, you just go, oh, I'm not, I'm like, I'm me, you, Joey, Joe and Whitney could all go back to back. We all do around the same as well and we all have completely divergent political points of view or cultural points of view. And that's what's fucking awesome about it. Yeah, and that's how their network should be.

I feel like a lot of times or how it should have been. That was the worst thing. They don't know how to, I think I told you that they didn't know, the Chappelle show, when we first started they would, they would go like, this isn't, they like wouldn't like jokes or sketches and we're like, can we show it to the crowd? Do you mind?

Yeah. And then we'd show it to the crowd and it would kill. And the first couple of episodes, they were like, well, your crowd is an hour crowd. It was like, what, what, what are you talking? It was just people with biases. Yeah. Didn't want to believe that this thing that they couldn't,

if they didn't understand it. And then finally, after six episodes, they said, we don't understand it. And you can kind of do whatever you want because they didn't understand it. How messed up, man. I mean, it just, to just act like something doesn't exist. Yeah.

That's almost the crazy thing sometimes. Yeah. To act like something that doesn't exist. But it's the bias. It's the most, it's almost worse to me than like a, it's a racism in a way. It's like a. It's a classism.

It's a, it's a, it's, it's like a cultural snobbery. And it's cultural bigotry in a weird way. Yeah. To act like you don't exist. Like, prejudging you because you have a mullet and you get your hair cut in a garage. I accept you. Yeah.

No, no, but that's the thing. I feel like what they are, you're like a fucking, you're a fucking, you're a fucking gator man or whatever the fucking, what was that Gator show? Yeah. Like, oh, this boy's been sucked. You're a swamp thing. Like they're, you're so far off the,

but the good news is you can do this. You can invest a little bit of money in your own cameras and you're, and you make great money and you get the underdog status that is its own reward. Like it's more rewarding than you would actually. Yeah. Like it is. You'll feel like everyone's rooting for you.

There's always a little something you want that wedding though. There's always a little. I know. Cause I think it's anything. You just want to be told you're part of the group. Yeah. That's the thing. It's like, it's the thing of like, oh, you don't exist.

It's like, man, that's how I felt most of my life. Why I even had to fucking start telling jokes. And then I get all the way here to California to the place where it's like, come here. If you feel like this and I get there and it's not even about feeling like that. It's not about that really. It's about, oh, it's really, oh, we determine

if you are okay or not. You're like, oh, so this is exactly the same thing that I did, that I disproved once. This is exactly the same thing that I left. This is exactly the same thing that ignited all this in me in the beginning. Yes. Is that, oh, we, we don't see you.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not seen by us. No. And I think the. It's just, it's really most messed up thing. You know what it is? It's like, it's kind of painful and unfair.

It is. It's like, and I don't, it's a limited thing. They have a limited resource. They only can show so many shows, whatever. I get that, but as people that feel like, hey, we're sensitive and we work hard and it's very hard to, and you have no, the amount of times I'm told you're invisible,

people would be baffled by. Yeah. And you had one of the biggest shows. Yeah. But like I get, so I do big show. I'm not, I'm talking about like in standup, anything in where it's like, I have big show, do a big show and then do a Netflix special that's popular and good. And then I do a half hour Netflix, popular and good. And then like Dave Chappelle is getting honored

by the Kennedy Center and they go, will you write for this? And I'm like, will I write for it? No, not even a little bit will I write for it. It's just like this constant heat seeking and it's never merit. It's never just like, I think you're fucking funny. Yeah, it's just no one's making any, it's just weird.

It's like, why have you spent your whole life afraid to make a choice? Or have people on that are, like if you have a show and podcasts or whatever, like just have people on that they're fucking good. Instead of like, hmm, let me see. How many followers do you have? Well, it's the worst and it became about, yeah.

I mean, fuck damn, bro, you know. Yeah. But that's what I like about Joe's success is that he truly just did the thing he liked. He liked UFOs, he liked UFC, he liked drugs, he liked weed, he liked fucking conspiracies, he liked, and he just was like, oh, I'm talking about that. Let's get somebody, he loved comedy and it just becomes like great.

And he had people on based on, I want to have you on. I don't know if you're popular, I don't know anything about you other than I saw you and I thought you were good. Not like, hmm, there's no calculation and there's no like, well, you seem cold. Are you, like they just were like, you're good. That's it, full stop. Or you do well, you kill.

Yeah. That's what, it's like almost like the combine thing where I almost feel like if you do a show and you get laughs above a certain decibel meter, you're good. Right. You can do, you're allowed to do whatever you want. Not anything you want, but it just seems like,

well, what's the, it's just you personally, it's just you say no when it's not based on fucking anything other than your taste and your biases. Yeah, just, it's crazy. It's crazy how you can just, I'd never felt more, it was a couple of years ago, man, especially right when all the Trump stuff or whenever like the political stuff.

I remember, I remember you were like mad for a year. Oh, it just, cause I just like, man, I was like, man, I work, this is where you're supposed to come if you want to be open minded and think about things. And, you know, and this is where, and it just wasn't that it was just a lie, you know? Yeah. And it was like, oh, so you're telling me

that we don't judge people. We don't look at this, but then that's exactly what I worked so hard to get my head out of the ground on Groundhog's Day. Yeah. Well, a lot of times it's like people, they don't, they're not against bullying. They're not against racism.

They're against bullying against them. Yeah. And bullying against racism against their group or their, they're not against it at all, at large. So that's why we need to cost you 69. Yeah, no, I know, I know, that's the thing is like, that's why it's like, I know, I know. And you know, I know.

Yeah. You know, I know what you're feeling. And that's like, like, I'm a, like, I was thinking on the way over here, like, we're similar in that word, like, not exactly of either thing. You're not exactly, I'm sure people in, in Louisiana think you've, a little Hollywood,

and people in Hollywood think you're a little Louisiana. And you're like, I, and I'm like a nerd, but all the nerds think I'm a jock. And all the jocks think I'm a nerd. And I'm like, and the, and the white people think I'm black. Yeah. And black people think I'm white. And I'm just like, ah, and you end up feeling isolated.

Yeah. And, and it's like a, it's a source of frustration. Sort of frustration is also a source of though. Like, I mean, you know, I'm kind of wallowing in that a little bit. I'm almost getting into self pity a little bit, but it's like, yeah, it's also a source of like, oh, this is what has probably always driven me.

So, and thank, I'm glad they, that they served another dose. I'm glad that you have guys like Soul Tour, like, I'm free enough to say what I want, you know? Yeah. But that's the great, but the funny thing is, like all things comedy or any podcasting network is going to be more valuable in comedy central in five years. Yeah.

So as much as it's like, it's just one of those things of like, you're getting, you're 40, you see cycles now and you're like, oh, fuck. Oh, okay. This is how it works. Okay. That's surprising, but like, I made a bunch of money on DVDs. What?

Yeah. What are DVDs? Yeah. Like there's, George Lucas made money on VHS, Laserdisc, DVDs, and now digital. Like you just have to stick around long enough to, and if you're, and I was talking to a buddy of mine who's a musician, and by the way,

no one feels like they've made it. That's the other thing I've learned is no one feels like I'm on top of the world. Like everyone's like, has a list of fucking grievances and people that fucked them over and, and way things they'll never give me. They'll never give me that. Like a buddy who's got it, who's a big singer

and he's trying to get a, he's like, I need two more hits. Then they can't say shit to me. Oh wow. And you're like, still? And you, if I'll tell you after who it is, you'll be like, that's so God, no one feels like they've done enough.

And no one feels respected enough. No one feels like legitimized enough. Even the, you know, the most legitimized people. That's the good news. Now I would say that you and I have a legitimate grievance. Yeah. I mean, it's, I think it's just that thing. I think it's, And you want to feel like you belong.

That's the thing is more than anything. It's like, I'm mad, I'm not on this. You probably are like, I'm not mad, but I'm like, no, no, no, but you know what I mean? Like I, there's all these groups. Yeah. And you're like, I don't, I mean, I know what, I know in the ways I'm not like these guys

and I know the ways I am like that. But, but we all want to be in the. Right. We all want to be included. Yeah. That's all we all, that's all we want at all. Yeah. Yeah. Like we just want to be included and it's hard. And that's, I think the thing that liberals don't understand

about conservatives in the last five years. It's just like, it's just been, they've just been excluded for so long culturally and a bunch of other ways that it's like, oh, fuck you. This guy at least cares. This guy's like me. Right. More, I mean, now having said that, he's not at all.

Like Jared Kushner and fucking though, it's they're the, they're worse than any liberal you can ever meet. But I'm saying like, like I get, I get it. I get the anger and resentment you feel from being excluded and looked past. Yeah. That's the thing I think, just not being seen. Yeah.

I think everybody feels it. You think Nick? Everybody wants to be included, you know? Like I feel bad sometimes if we're doing an episode and I don't talk to Nick, like I don't mention Nick. You know, it's like, not because I think Nick's sitting there thinking, oh, I wish you would mention me. But it's like.

But you, you're a hypocrite if you don't think that. You're a hypocrite if you're like, we're not left. Right. Are the lights on us good? Stay back behind that class monster. In fact, close the door. The doors, the open doors freaking me out. Can you hold your breath and get underwater somewhere?

But no, it's just because I know that everybody wants to feel mentioned. Everybody wants to feel, yeah, we just want to feel like a part of something. Yeah. Which I think is one of the reasons why people come out to LA a lot of times because they maybe some people anyway. Yeah, they didn't fit in where they were.

They didn't fit in. They didn't feel a part of something or they didn't feel like, yeah, they had the full feeling. Yeah, but I'm not, I'm not, I get it. And it's, I'm like, I heard Nipsey Hussle one time. I used to say this to Dave and then Nipsey Hussle said a version of it. What I used to say to Dave is like, before Spell Show,

like his curves fucking fucked. The half-baked came out, didn't do good, did another move, didn't do good. He was just like mad and pissed off and like floundering kind of and I was like, they'll let you back in but you're gonna have to walk and they're not gonna give you a ride. They're not gonna make it easier in any way.

And Nipsey Hussle said, he's like, yeah, I'll get, I just have to take the steps. Like you're not, you just get to the point where you got, I'm never gonna be given. They're never, you're never getting a wedding. Right. I'm never getting a wedding. I will never get that like.

That marriage, ironically. Yeah, I will never get the marriage to, I will never get, I will never feel the love and the acceptance that I would get from being like, I auditioned and they said, we're gonna put you on a show. And then I did a show and that was a hit and then I decided, hey, I wanna sing. And then I said, like it never.

Yeah, for us it's not like that. It's like, well, I ended up in someone's car and their cousin and this. People shitting on you and like looking down at you and like it's just never and. It's a sewer, man. Yeah, and all it does is just makes you more empathetic and makes you, and it makes people root for you.

Yeah. I don't think you will ever not have, that's the thing as much as your, you think your southerness is a liability, but it's not. It's, it was, now it's, it's selling point. Yeah. You know, like. Well, thank you, that's a nice compliment, I think.

But it's also true, it's true. It's like now, I don't know where most of your listeners or most of your viewers are, but it's. They're all over, they're just regular people really. That's what I mean. And they're not, it's not fancy, it's not fancy. It's not Hollywood, it's not like, it's also not premeditated.

Yeah. It's like, and so you see it as like for years people like this fucking swamp things here, and now it's like, the fucking swamp things here. Yeah. It's like goes from, or like the rat king, like this fucking rat kings out here, and now it's like, fucking rat kings coming.

He might've come back soon, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are excited. Yeah. Dude, we sold so many rat, we sold a ton of rat king shirts, man. Yeah. And it's fucking awesome. And it's fun being the rat king too.

Of course. And it's fun that the whole world is turning into WWE, man. That's what I think about like, like we're talking about like, what's the name turning into the heel Hulk Hogan, you know? And I had one question. So you and Dave Chappelle, you guys are on talking terms now, right?

Yeah. And were you guys, so for a long time, cause what was that like, you guys were had a, we were. And it's okay. We were not. We were not, we, the way the show went, basically the way the negotiation after the show got popular

was just not like good. Did you have a, were you able, were you guys negotiating together with Comedy Central or you guys were negotiating separately? Kind of separately. Right. So where, and that's the problem. You know, that's right.

And I told them before we started to go, you know, they're going to play divide and conquer. They have to pay you. They don't have to pay me. So the only way they'll pay me is if you make them. And then they would, they played him there. It's just so many people come between when something's popular,

it just, you just get layers of people that want to seem more important and want to seem like they're doing things for. Oh, of course. To protect Dave or who, it's not Dave. It was Dave in that case, but it's a bunch of people. It can be a fucking. And so someone who actually is making the thing,

they resent me. Do you know what I mean? Cause like they're just, they're not writing that or directing that in the shit. You mean like a, like an executive. Not executives, like more like lawyers, agents, man, that type of thing. They resent you because you have to be included.

Because I'm part of the show. Yeah, I do the show. Right. They're not, I didn't just, I don't call them, I make the show. Did you? So then that creates separation and then he left and it was fucking like that added to it.

Was that a surprise when he left? I mean, like in retrospect, not really, but that's a pretty big swing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what do you guys think? Yeah, like going to Africa is like, that's pretty big. Like I didn't see that coming. Although like that's exactly out of proportion.

That's as out of proportion as the rest of the show. Right, right, right. Where it's like the most popular shit. And then like, what's the, leaving the show version of the Rick James sketch. Going to Africa, right? Not telling anyone? All right, I'll do that.

So there's that. And then we didn't really speak. We spoke a little bit. And then since like, we've been cool since like 07. Yeah. Yeah, I know you guys are, I know you guys have been for a while. Whenever you watched the last dance,

did you think of yourself like a Scotty Pippen at all? Of course. Yeah. I watched, I mean, I said it in three months. It was like Scotty Pippen. It was like, it's like being on a team with Michael Jordan. And so it's funny seeing Pippen get mad. It's like, I want to call him be like Pipp.

There's nothing we can do. Yeah, he's going to play for Birmingham. There's just nothing you can do. It's, I heard a story about- He's going to play for Birmingham. He's going to play for Birmingham, you know? Yeah, and there's nothing. And also like, I got to get my,

they can't. The audience only understands single, they don't, no one's ever been on like, even when they say a dream team, one of them's better. Yeah. They always just like LeBron and D-Wade, it's LeBron. Right. Capital LeBron, smaller D-Wade or LeBron and Anthony Davis.

But the mixture makes it. Of course. Right. And then if you're Dave, you don't want to acknowledge a mixture with a fucking white person. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And I get that, fucking, you know what I mean? Like, yes. If you'd have been black, do you think that the show would have been picked up for another season then? Well, it wasn't picked up, it was picked up. If I'd have been black, that's a really good question. I don't, it's impossible to know.

It would have been a little, no, but then it, yeah. There's a different, there would have been different tensions if I were black. There would have been like a lot of the same ones. And then it's a host of other ones that I'd probably don't even realize. Right. But, no, of course.

So it's like, they don't, you watch it and you go, yeah, Scotty Pippin's fucking great. Yeah. It's just not as great as him. He shows up. He does. It's just not as good as him. It's like, that deal with that all the time.

Like there was a, I went on after Dave at the Comedy Cellar one time. And the, the MC was like, it's next guy, co-creator, spell show, and I go, and I go on and I'm like, co-creator, spell show was a really good credit unless Dave just went on. And then it's nothing.

It's like, yeah, it's fucking great. Oh, that's interesting, unless the fucking guy was just here. It's not there. You're just like, ugh. So I get the, it's just an insurmountable. I don't, but I will say I'm not, I'm not jealous. I'm not really jealous of Dave.

Even Chris Rock said that one time, he's like, you're just not jealous. You're just, I don't like, I'm mad. I have like personal argument shit with Dave, but I'm not like, I should have been Rick James. Yeah. This is about like fucking two very different skills. Yeah.

And so I'm happy to be myself. And to the underdog thing, it is fun to climb out of it. Yeah. It's fucking, sometimes I look at my career and I'm like, this is a fucking miracle. Wow. It's a miracle that like, I was a writer for a TV show that was really popular.

And now I'm a kind of famous comedian. That's fucking impossible. Like I wasn't a comedian and then I like figured out how to do it and like it's, it's crazy. And I'm not even like, it sucked my day. Like I just mean like, I think about it. You just get like objective. You look at your career objectively, your life objectively.

You have to look at things. Yeah. I mean, even, well, looking back on, on Chappelle, can you see like, was he just under a, you think like looking back now and knowing how we see like people get stressed and the overwhelmingness of things. Do you think? Yeah, I think it's just stress.

And I think it's not, it just, once things are not fun, it's not, and also once you're talking about that much money and people know how much money you're making and it's on the cover of the paper and it's like, it's not, it's like, yeah, it's, it's, it's like, the difference, I've said this to a basketball player, like the difference between a rookie contract and a max deal. Rookie contract, everyone feels like they're,

even if you're the best rookie, they're like, man, you're making five million bucks. That's pretty fucking good. And then you get your max deal, you're making 33 million a year. And they're like, I don't know what you're gonna do, but it fucking better be good. Yeah.

Go. No, go. Show me Mr. 33 million dollars. And it's just a less fun position to be in, which is the thing of having never had a wedding, like, you know, we'll never get, I don't think anyone will ever be like, okay, Mr. Smarty pants or whatever.

Like, I don't think that that's the thing that we may never have to deal with. And that, which is good, which is a good, that's an advantage that we don't have to, we'll have to deal with like, it's not as good as this last thing or any of that stuff, but it'll never be like, I feel like Joe somehow got around it.

I don't think anyone resented him. And I think it has to do with his looks and clothes and habits. I don't think his habits- Yeah, and his habits too, he lifts people up a lot, you know? Yeah. He does, I feel like include people a lot. Yeah.

So that's the, but I don't, but like, you know, me and Dave argued about it for six hours, like three weeks ago. Really? Uh-huh. Oh, that's fun. It's fucking hilarious. It's hilarious.

It's so interesting. But yeah, what, I mean, what'd it come at? Cause yeah, like to think that to go, then the comedy central and they won't give you a new show. And then you're like, wow, I mean, you had to feel- Well, they wanted me to produce black sketch shows. That I can do till I die. They'll give me, please.

Yeah. You got blank check for that. But I'm like, I don't want to, it's not what I, that wasn't even, it was a black sketch show, but it was more just a show about Dave. It wasn't like, and then black, something black will happen. Yeah, do something black. And then do something black.

Do blackness. Yeah. And so yeah, it is, I don't get many opportunities. There's just people have a bias against me and that I don't understand. Cause I get, I was watching an old clip of mine from eight years ago, cause I thought I was good. And I was like, I'm good.

And everyone be like, no, no, no. And somebody who like literally said, comedian X is better than you. And I was like, okay, so I sent him a clip from my Comedy Central half hour. I did get on Comedy Central barely, half hour of a joke from eight years ago. And it was a fucking good joke.

And I was like, so why did you tell me that so-and-so is better than me? And he was like, I don't know, I just had a bias. I just had a bias. And it's like, people don't want it. Something about me, people think I'm racist, people think I'm arrogant, people think I'm cold. I don't know, but it's not,

I'm, I just don't get the benefit of it out. Damn. Yeah, but I guess who wants to benefit of it out, right, Nick? Fuck yeah. Stay in your home. We don't serve it here, man. Now don't put me on here. Cause I don't want to feel like I didn't earn it.

Do not put me on here. I will say we didn't pick those people. It was just the animator. We didn't pick it. Just the guy, this guy, Papio Tunes. Yeah, Bartos and Poland. Oh, oh, God, I got it, I got it. Yeah, the people he listened to,

he just sent us this one day. And Gianni was like, we should put it on the wall. How did you? Out of the blue, he sent it. Oh, he sent you the thing, okay. Got it. Nick hates it, he looks like himself. I look all sad.

I'm a pretty chipper guy, I think. No, they got you. They got you. I gotta say, man, they really captured you. But it's so funny, man, the feeling of like, yeah, I'm not included. Yeah, like, I'm not at the wall of the improv. And we didn't have it, but yeah, right, yeah.

And we didn't have anything to do with it. What, why not? I know. Why not? Isn't it funny to see though that we didn't even really have anything to do with it? I know, and then I make this narrative up about how all you guys think, and meanwhile,

you don't, it hasn't even crossed your mind. You haven't, but that's what the human fucking brain does. Yeah, we just wanna be included, man. Yeah, Neil Brennan, thank you so much, man. You got it, buddy. I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind. Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me, and I will find a song. I will sing it just for you.

And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of flowers.