This Past Weekend - E297 Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4
Episode Date: September 23, 2020Bobby Lee returns to this past weekend as the 1st ever 4-time guest. New Merch https://theovonstore.com This episode is brought to you: Policy Genius Manscaped Betterhelp Mu...sic “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And then you hear rumors, Theo was on PCP in Nashville, he ran through a wall, right?
You're like, what? And so then like you hear these stories, I installed PVC pipe in a wall,
it's actually what happened. So that's crazy, this is how it translates.
Your attitude is weird. He's passive aggressive. Yeah, I'm happy to have you too, but it's like,
you know, I just asked for some earphones, I'm on podcasts, but it's okay. Like that sounded
believable, man. You got a tan going or what? I was at the beach yesterday, man. Oh, you go to
the beach? Huh? Yeah, that's exciting. You guys get out there much? No, man. I've been to the beach
before in my life. Yeah, I'm a beach guy, dude. I grew up in the San Diego, bro. Yeah, but that
doesn't mean you're a beach guy. Like, do you go to the beach? Dude, look at this. Hang loose,
bro. Yeah, but I never seen pictures of you at the beach before. I know because I don't have a
beach body, bro. Yeah, you do. No, no, no. I look like baby whale shit. That's one of my body
shaped like baby whale shit. There's some dope urchins and stuff out there. You know, no little
picture of an urchin if you don't mind, Nick. Because I don't know what it is and I don't want
to be offensive to you. Yeah. Look at that, Bobby. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's definitely you. One time I
saw it, I was in the water in the ocean. I saw, I thought I saw Eric Griffin. Yeah. But it was a blob
fish. Oh, yeah. And it was complaining about something. It was complaining about something.
He had the glasses and everything, dude. Oh, what's going on? Are we have started yet? Yeah,
we started again. This is how you do it. This is your Bob's Day party, man. Oh,
shit. I didn't realize you even did that, bro. Oh, fuck, I feel so fucking grateful, I think.
I think that's the word to use, man. Thank you so much. You put Bob up here like this.
And then it's some happy birthday shit that you got a van. Vons. We got it somewhere. Yeah.
Safeway or whatever, you know. It's definitely not homemade. What? It's not homemade. Yeah.
I'm used to homemade birthday stuff, but you know. Dude, are you feeling, have you started
to feel office? I haven't started to feel older, man. Bro, let me tell you something right now,
dude. Yeah? My penis. That's how you know. My penis, dude. It don't work correctly.
Really? Like, how does it work? Like, when I pee, I have to concentrate.
Like, is it like a marshal art or something? No, no, no. I had to. What do you mean? You don't
get like a white belt with it? No, but I feel like if you concentrate hard enough, you can almost
that's peeing. Yeah, yeah. Just pee. I know. But before you would just go, I'm going to pee and
it was just like a natural thing. Oh, yeah. Right. It's like breathing. You just naturally do it.
Yeah. Sometimes like last night, I had to go, I know I have to pee, but it's clogged up. Maybe
it's cum. Ooh. Maybe it's clogged up with cum, but it's like, you are, I heard you the first
time you said it. I know. Because I had jerked off, you know, I jerked off before that and it
didn't come out, but you still felt it. No, the came came out. Oh, the thick, pure Korean cum.
And that's a delicacy, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what it looks like? It's like that foam,
cappuccino foam. Wow. You know, you're going to get a nice cappuccino. Yeah, that's what it looks
like. Yeah. And I was coming real good. Yeah. You know, in the bathtub. Somebody told me black
guys cum has music in it. Have you heard that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jazz. Jazz blues kind of a thing.
Yeah. It's like Thelonious Monk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it looks like. Yeah. It's got a little
Leon bridge in the back. And it's thicker too. I've tasted it. It's thicker, but yeah, yeah. It's
a thick, good, good stuff. What was a fat black guy? So maybe that's fat black guys have thicker
cum. Oh, I'm sure they do, dude. Even just by looking at them, you know, they're not. Yeah, yeah.
It's got diabetes in it for sure. Well, they're not. They're definitely throwing a crème brûlée.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A cum brûlée, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I masturbated last
day in the bathtub and did you? Yeah. And was your wife in there with you or no? No, she's sleeping.
Okay. Yeah. She's not my wife. So I was masturbating in the bathtub and you know what
sucks about masturbating in the bathtub? It drives me crazy. You cum, right? Is this too blue for
the show? I think it is, but it's too blue for me. Nick's having a lick in his lips. Yeah,
Nick just put an apron on. So then I had it in my hand, right? And so what I do is I clean it later.
Uh-huh. You just save it in your hands? No, save it and let it dry. No, that's crazy.
That's crazy talk. Yeah. No, on the side, I just wipe it on the side.
I clean it later. On the side of the tub? Yeah, I clean it later. Right? So put it on the side of
the glove. You've never cleaned anything later. I've been to your house where people have that
big water jug they collect coins in. You had one filled with urine. So I did, I got, I'm going to
save it later like that, right? Because I like to like relax. But what the worst thing is is that
then I looked at my peepee, right? And there's still a couple, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah.
Just like, you know, like sea monkeys. Yeah, like people on the roof turn hurricane Katrina.
You know, they're on the tip of my penis and they're, and they were, they were doing this.
And I'm like, car. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, like one of those things. That's what it looks like.
One of those, you know, things that you see at a car dealership. Yeah. And so it was doing this
and then I just let it float. And I'm thinking to myself, do they think it's like the ovary?
Like we made it. Oh, do they think you're the ovary? No, the water. Because you remember,
you're coming inside of water, right? And the sperm must think, right, I could see if I were,
we thought it was going to be a long distance, right? We heard the stories.
And here we are. Yeah. And here we are. And they're like, no. No, this is a bathtub. Yeah,
he lost. Yeah. So then after I do that, and then I try to pee, I guess maybe it's just not old age,
but it's just, it's clocked a little bit. But I don't like is, what do you like? Well,
first of all, when I was young, if we ejaculated, my dad made us bury it in the yard, you know,
it's like a religious thing kind of because my dad was really religious.
What do you mean? So you would dig a hole and then you would come into a hole?
No. If he caught us, if we'd ejaculated onto something or, you know, eject onto a cloth or
something or into a little, you know, you know, something, maybe my sister had a little thing
of cups and cupboards or some little game, you know, children's game thing or something.
Then he would make us, if he busted us, he would make us take it out of the yard
and bury it in the backyard. Yeah. What have you buried it in all of a sudden? A little
Theo. You know what I mean? Six months later, just a little Theo just came out of the ground.
Yeah, look, he's got a used car. Yeah. Yeah. And then my mom bought a Dodge neon.
She did? No, she did eventually, man. Yeah. Man, I remember when she got that neon, bro. We
thought we had made it, son. Really? Oh, dude. My mom got that neon, dude. My brother and I
slept in it. She let us sleep out in it the first night we got it. Yeah. It's nice. How many cars
did you have growing up? Let me see. We had a Volkswagen. We had a station wagon and somebody
stole the back door off of it. And then, uh, so then we got a Volkswagen rabbit, which was like a
really small car. Yeah. It's nice. Very dangerous. They backfire all I can pull up a picture of that.
Dark gray.
Okay. What year is this, 19? Any of those look good on the top row, I think. Yeah. 87. Oh,
that's it. Wow, dude. It's a box, man. It's cute. And mom would drive that thing, dude. It would
be out of gas. She would drive it on sheer anger, would freaking propel that car. Yeah. And, uh,
we had a Corvette. What? My mom had a Corvette. And you know what my dad had? He had a pedophile
white van. Ooh. It's just a white van. Right. And he would go around, you know, and I don't know
why, but he would always go past schools. What is it about? I think there's a lot of secrecy
inside of Asian men, older Asian men where, you know what I'm saying? No, I don't. But well,
please explain yourself. I will. A lot of white men and blacks, too. I'll say it.
And other slims, everybody else slams, people from the desert, sand Christians, everybody.
They are more, they're more outspoken with what's going on. I feel like a lot of Asian people keep
things very close to the vest. Like you'll see a guy with a van, but no particular reason you never
know. And then years later, you know, on his deathbed, he tells you he was, you know, he's been
running a baseball card shop across town. All right. Smuggling opium. Yeah. Smuggling opium.
We're doing, well, you guys don't do a lot of like, you guys do more sex offender indoor.
You don't do like kidnapping, that kind of stuff. I don't think, huh? Asians? Well, no,
let me try to think about that. Because the Asian man's not going to be able to catch a white kid
or a black kid. No quick as fuck. No way. I think that is very offensive.
What? Dude, bro, Asians are quick as fuck, bro. The reason why you don't even know is because we
do it so quick. They don't know, there's no witnesses. Come here. That's how, you know what I
mean? You know what I mean? And you know what I mean? Come here. And they do, they, we molest
quick. Ooh, now that I can bend over like that, right? You know what I mean? And then we bury,
bury. You know what I mean? Yeah. So we're quick as fuck. And that's where we don't see it. Yeah.
But I don't, I don't, I've never really, I've never seen in the news, especially in America,
right? Asian man, you know what I mean? Yeah. Molest or Asian man goes hog wild. You know,
like sometimes white people touch younger. Right. Right. Right. Or sometimes white people go hog
wild in a mall. Yeah. You know what I mean? With a machine gun, like, you know, whatever, right?
Yeah. You don't see Asian dudes do older dudes doing that. You guys keep your crime. I feel like
very close to the vest. And then at the last second on a death in a deathbed whisper,
you tell it, you know, like, oh yeah, I touch all the kiddos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Bobby,
I killed 9,342 people in my life or something like that. And you're like, what the fuck? And then
they just die. Yeah. And then that's the way to do it. Yeah. Keep your shit to yourself. Well,
you guys are, you guys come from a long history of keeping secrets and tradition, honor. An Asian
man will die. An Asian man will. I'm talking about it. Asian will kill themselves. Can you see
about that, Nick? Asian men kill themselves. Why? Asian kill themselves if they have secret,
you know, they can't handle it. Sepuku. Right there. Oh, Sepuku. Right. Harikari, an alternative
spelling for, is a ritual suicide in traditional Japan. If someone kills themselves. I know,
but Theo, white people kill themselves too. They just don't do it differently. Yeah,
but we're distressed about something. Yeah. That's why you think they're having a happy day?
We don't have a forest. Yeah. Yeah. We have a forest in Japan. Right. That's true.
Right. That's true. You guys have a more, it's more of like, I'm going to go over here and take my
life quietly. I'm not going to bother anybody. White guys like, hey, look at me. Right. I'm
shooting people at a Claire's. Yeah. You know, I, I think because Asians, especially my parents
and my family, you know, are, that we want to assimilate. Yeah. And we want to just, you know,
don't be bothered. We're lucky to be here. There's the mentality, I think. Wow. Yeah. We work hard
to be here. We're going to just make our money and we don't want to cause any trouble, you know.
I think the new generations of them. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are like now vocal. They're
out there protesting and very vocal, but I'm in the mid ground. Like I kind of was influenced kind
of by the Asians that immigrated here. Right. So it's like, I don't really, I still have that
old school, you know what I mean? Mentality where I don't want to, like last night I ran into
this fucking happen, man. You can say it. Tim Robbins, a Chad. Oh, really?
When you know, I rarely go out, bro. Somebody from Chad. You mean a black?
No, no, no. You know what you've heard of Chad and Karen's? Right. So people that get
upset about stuff. Yeah. So I was at, so last night I look at my girl and I go,
because I'm down to one pack of cigarettes a week. Are you really? Yeah. So I smoke one pack a week
and I had run out of the week, the pack. So I'm like, I think I need, and I started smoking like
the butts. Oh, I've been there. So I go, you know, sweetie, I'm going to go to the 7-Eleven.
She goes, I take Juliana with you, which is my niece or her niece. And how old is Juliana?
She's in high school. She's a senior. So Juliana's in the car with me. We go to 7-Eleven.
And I go, and I go and I wait on the line six feet, whatever, I have the mask on.
And there's a full blown fight in the counter with this white dude, you know. Full blown is also
a term used for AIDS only. I try to bring that up, but I, it's a pet peeve mine when people do that.
People are like, oh man, you know, he have a full, you know, but he had a full blown white.
Really? Yeah. And he was like, the guy was a minister, a minister. I don't know why, but immigrants
love to say that. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Mr. Yeah. So Mr. You need to wear a mask. We can't serve you,
right? He goes, fuck you guys are all sheep. You know, he's like doing that in the store, right?
I'm sorry, Mr. Mr. Right. And then he goes, I'll buy a mask. So he bought a mask and he kind of
put it on his face. I hate that. Right? Like he put it by like on an eye. One of the straps was
even around the ear. Yeah. He's like, give him my beer because he was buying beer. I'm just sitting
there. I go, don't say nothing, Bobby. You know, like that internal dialogue. And so he kind of
leaves, I order and he stands by the door. I don't know why he has a shit. Yeah. And now,
what do you feel like he was waiting for? Because he was already angry at what the guy who worked
there? Yeah. And that man was Asian? No, the Mr. Mr. Guy? Yeah. No, he's Hispanic. Why do you sound
like that? Well, because I think that, you know, what's fucked up. But when you say they do that,
though, is no matter what accent I do, right? Allow. Yeah. They go, why are you doing Asian accent?
People always do that. Oh, yeah. Because of my face. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. So it
doesn't matter what I call. Yeah. Yeah. It could be anybody. That's you. That's on you. Yeah. So
Mr. Mr. Right. So then anyway, he waits by the door and I go and I order my shit, the cigarette,
I put in my pocket and I'm going to the door and the dude opens the door for me and now his mask
is off because he bought a shit already. You go, sir. Right? Now you feel like he was welcoming
or he was he was? No, I think he was trying to be nice. Okay. But then I'm like, no, dude, go
ahead. No, you go in front of me. Right? I could do it. No, bro, you're not wearing a mask, I said.
He goes, I don't have it. He goes, I don't have it. Like that. Right? Now I look at
Juliana in the car and she's just she has her mask up. I could see her eyes.
What the fuck is going on? Right? And I go and then and then what do I do?
He goes, it's a hoax. You know what I do? I lie. You lie to him? Yeah. I got my friend died from it.
Right? He goes, really? Why? He goes, I don't have it. And then I made a name. I made up a name
and I said two first names. My dear friend David Jose. That's what I got. My friend, I said two
names, first name. My friend David Jose died from it. He's like, I don't have it. I could go on it.
And we're now in a full blown fight, bro. Full blown fight. Juliana's in the car freaked out,
right? So he just he finally relents and he just leaves, right? And all the Halloween candy just
came out. That's the worst time to fight it like the CVS, dude. Right. Okay. So then I go outside
and I run the car open and then he comes to the car. And so I remember Juliana trying to
figure out how to lock the door. Oh, yeah. Here's the whole thing. He's like, you're
fucking liberal piece of shit. Oh, you? Yeah, me, right? You fucking, you know what I mean? You're
a fucking sheep, you know? And he kind of looks at my driver's license to see like what my driver,
like more of a silk. I wouldn't call you a wool. Yeah, yeah. There he is right there. David Jose.
There is a David Jose car I feed, dude. There is a David Jose. There is, dude. I don't know,
man. So that guy died. Yeah, he did. That guy died from the COVID. But yeah. So then I kind of car
and drove away, but my adrenaline was rushing, you know? And I think that whenever I lie, I feel
guilty, man. You felt like bad about lying to that man. Yeah, I don't even have to say that,
you know what I mean? But I wanted to prove a point. But then it's like, you know,
then you, then you think to yourself, right? Listen, like what's real, right? And then you go
back to that movie, the social dilemma. Did you see it? The social dilemma? Yeah. Is it with Jason
Bateman? Jason, no, not Jason Bateman. Who am I thinking of? Robert Kane? No one talking about?
No, no, no. I don't know what you're talking about. Social dilemma? Yeah. I think you're
thinking about the social network. No. No, I'm trying to think of the movie that I'm thinking.
Yeah. Well, I didn't see it. I'm going to tell you that it's a Netflix documentary.
Okay. And it's, it's all, you know how the other day, all the celebrities like, we're not going to
be on Instagram and Twitter until, you know what I mean? Facebook changes there, you know?
But basically, it's how social media, right? It's done some good for our, our country and our
world, right? Very little though. People say that a lot. And it's like, people have connected that
have never, that haven't talked to each other in years. Right. It's like, organ donors have been
found. It's like, dude, if you go outside with a decent organ, bro, somebody will find you,
dog. You know what I'm saying? But mostly it's, it's, it's, it's caused polarization in this
country and, and a lot of, a lot of hate, a lot of hate. It's, yeah. And it's so, you know,
people say it's Trump. It's Trump. It's like, it has a lot to do with, you know,
you know, social media, but, um, so you watch that and you go, holy shit, I'm never going to be on
Twitter, but I can't stop on Twitter. Well, yeah. Cause all these guys, celebrities are like, we,
they sell the documentary and they're like, we're no longer going to be on Twitter or Instagram,
Facebook or we're going to protest. It's hard though. What do you mean? They're ridiculous.
They just, they say whatever the next thing they got to do, whatever. It's always the next. What
do I have to do today to feel like, yeah, it's not even, there's just no uniqueness in anymore.
You know? Yeah. You know, I have a problem with people when they go, um, because sometimes I'll
read a comment and go, Bobby's Hollywood or he's a celebrity. Do you, do you, when people call you
a celebrity, I'd be real. You don't feel like one, right? No, I don't feel like one. Yeah, I don't
either. Like I, I feel like when people are troubled, I feel a lot of times sad. Yeah. Yeah. I feel
like, like I maybe want to become one. You know what I mean? But I haven't gotten, I haven't gotten
there yet. Well, what are you going to be? You're Bobby Lee, man. You're not going to be somebody
else. Yeah. Kind of want to be Bruce Lee or something. Something like I like that. No. Dude,
you're way more Bruce Lee fought. You're like not a fighter. You're true. But I could fight.
Dude, you are. I could fight. Who's that? Here's a guy right here, a little white kid that'll fight
you, dude. Hey, Bobby. Um, I've seen, uh, Theo has been doing BJJ lately. What are the chances that
you join him whenever you're allowed out the house again? And, um, how long do you think it's
going to be until you do comedy? He said, can you fight? You can fight. Can you fight? I didn't
understand what he was saying, though. This is what I heard. That's what I fucking heard. Dude,
that's Charles Dickens, bro. Okay. I don't even know who that is. Is that the guy? I think I've
heard of him. Great grandson. Chuck Dick. Understand what the fuck he just said. Tell me what he
said. Nick can translate. Uh, Theo started doing a jiu-jitsu and he's wondering. That's hilarious.
I'm a female straw weight right now. It's just funny that you do jiu-jitsu. Dude, I am not
that good at it. Yeah, I can tell. And I'm not also good at it. Don't do it. Stop. It's ridiculous.
Why? Because you know, because, because you're in cahoots with fucking Shab and Eddie fucking,
the twister fucking guy's insane. What's his name? Eddie Boham. Rice Mitchell. Yeah, Mitchell. Eddie
Mitchell with the twister. Oh, Bryce Mitchell's a killer, dude. He'll kill. Look at you. That you're,
you have a gi and everything, bro. Dude, you look ridiculous. That guy's, that guy's stinking up my
car right now. I know, dude, bro. Stop doing it, dude. It's a fad. I had to stop for a week because
some of my ribs got really severely bruised. So I've been fighting two women and I'm almost
give, I'm almost beaten one of them. What, what have you learned to do? Because I wrestled in
high school. Yeah, dude, you know how long your high school was, dude? It was different when you
were in high school. They didn't even have like, I mean, they didn't have a lot. The laws were
different. I know, but I still know how to do like a double leg, a single leg and a fireman's. Oh,
dude, fireman's is out now. It is. Yeah, it's fire persons now. Okay. They changed it. They did.
What can I do now? I'll tell you this, like, say if somebody comes running at me and they're going
to hit me or attack me, it used to be I would be scared and just run off. Now I will let them hit
me because you want to be able to grab them. It's just like now it's like, okay, I know I'm
in it. I know this is there's going to be some confrontation here. I'm ready for it. That's
literally only that's as far as I've gotten like, okay, I'm okay right here is before I be in complete
fear. I would lay on my back and kick at them. My question to you, Theo, is one of you ever been
attacked? You could easily get attacked now. Have you seen BLM people? Have you seen BLM people
attacking people or that have an appetizers attacking senior citizens trying to finish a
shrimp scampi outside of Baltimore? You seen this? No, man. I don't want to be upset me. Huh?
It's gonna upset me. No, it's not. It's just like angry white people with bull horns. Dude,
BLM's got those rallies. We've gotten so bad black people aren't even showing up at him anymore.
Yeah. Black people are like, this shit is lame as fuck. First of all, my girlfriend went to one
of those. No, no, the protests are I totally get that. That's a different thing. I don't know.
People attacking senior citizens trying to polish off a fucking thing of grilled Brussels sprouts
outside of a fucking Dave and Buster's. Well, that's gotta be a reason why they did that though.
I know it's just those things where they're chanting and going down the street and then
they get angry at people that are eating outdoors. Yeah, it's getting, you know,
it's like on both sides, it's getting out of hand. Oh, dude, all those people that are fighting in
the park and throwing like water balloons at each other and stuff. All of this stuff is not.
Yeah, this this is this isn't about anything it feels like to me. See, this is where that is yelling
at people that are trying to finish their salad. All right. Yeah, it's your, you know,
first of all, you don't even know their backstory. Yeah. You mean it's like, you know what I mean?
Well, the one of the white dude could have just got out of fucking the hospital from cancer,
right? They may have black children. Right. Right. And then the woman right is has a week to live
because she has some sort of weird like skin disease. Yeah. Right. And they're like,
let's have one meal together. Right. It's Corona baby. We don't know. Let's go to fucking Luciano's
like, let's risk it is I have two T cells left. And then all of a sudden, you know what I mean?
I'm going to ask them. They just ruined their fucking last days on earth. I got two T cells left.
I want to risk them for this calamari outdoors. Yeah. The shared plate. Yeah. People have to
learn how to like realize that like not every first of all, you know, there's not two sides
agreed. Okay. That it's so complex. Right. It's crazy what you believe. You know what I mean?
People's personal lives. It's so intricately complex that there's no way to put people in
categories and boxes. Right. So it's like, you can't just make assumptions about things. Right.
And that's where we are in life. And I do the same thing. Like when I see like, you know,
like hardcore right wing, you know, it's Trump supporters. Right. Say some fucking crazy things.
Immediately my reaction is to attack them. But then it's like, I have to look back and go and I'll
go on there like Twitter and then they have dogs. Yeah. Right. Anyone that loves a dog. Right.
To me is like, you know, has some empathy and love in their heart. You know, it's just like,
you just don't know. It's like, that's what we are in the world. So it's like,
well, it goes back to social media. I think a lot of that stuff is just fueling people to be,
you know, keyed up. You know, when I was young, you had to get coked up to go do some trouble.
Yeah. Yeah. People are doing a couple, you know, a couple of hot tweets and you're out there
fucking throwing an axe at somebody outside of a fucking abandoned Applebee's. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's like people fighting for like these politics. Like,
I just, I don't know. I never understood going that crazy for politics. Just go vote.
Yeah. Yeah. And that's all you have to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also it's like, go vote. And it's
like, you know, you have to, we have to understand that like, you know, it's like that you have no
real, the only things that you can control are the things that you can do. Yeah. Right. Outcomes
you can't control. Right. It's out of your hands. And we worry about these outcomes that we're
powerless over. Right. And you're like, we have some of influence over it. Yeah. I mean, we do
have some, I mean, we have the right to vote and that's going to help. Right. And then you can like,
if you have a little bit of money, you can like donate money to somebody's campaign or whatever
you might do, or you can also do service work and, you know, had, you know, pygmies deserve to live
or whatever, you know, it has some sort of like, you know, yeah, I don't know if that's a thing,
but that, you know, but no, something do something, give these boys something water for the blind.
Yeah. Yeah. But you, you, that's all you can do. You know, I mean, all this other shit,
you know, I mean, wasting your time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I've just been watching
Kingdom, man. You know, just the other day, I switched my cable, turned it off, turned off my
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they could save you. Policy genius.com. Kingdom? I don't watch it. Oh, bro.
This guy's got a question about something and I think you guys have both been watching.
Could I talk about kingdom first? Yes. Yeah. Okay, let's listen to this guy. Okay, play the guy.
I'll be the Tiger Ballet fan here. I'm crossing the tracks. If you've seen the new
Reboot, Karate Kid Reboot, what you think of it. And if you would make a guest appearance
as Mr. Miyagi. Game, game, what it is. Thank you for your question, brother. I appreciate that,
man. I appreciate you being obviously this guy. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this guy is
Filipino or athletic and relaxed Dominican. And he wants to know if you'd be Mr. Miyagi.
And the wildest thing is Bobby. I thought about that a minute ago. I said, I wonder if Bobby's
been approached about being going Yagi, going full Yagi.
Yagi. It's funny. First of all, people do this all the time. They go, God, he looks like him,
Dany. Sorry. Go on. First of all, people do this all the time when they go. They say stuff like,
why, why weren't you in that? You should, why didn't you do that? Yeah. Right. And you go,
like if some movie comes out, like crazy regesians, people go, Hey, why didn't you do that?
They didn't ask him. Right? Yeah. I want to be in it. Yeah. People like getting mad at me. Yeah.
Why didn't you do that? You should have done that. I go, I did want to do it. Yeah. They don't want
me in it. You know, or like people go like that. You should be karate kid. Miyagi. Yeah.
Yeah. First of all, he was like 70 years old when he did it. He was 51.
Was he really? Yeah. I could do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. He would be too goofy,
man. Why? No, you guys very much look very similar. And RIP him, he died. Yeah. He died from
smoking, huh? Well, I heard different stories that he was an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah. You know,
I have a, and that's back when it was heavy. But there's a funny story about him. He used to go
to Hawaii all the time, right? Because he was friends with, you know who Don Ho is? Yeah. The
musician. Yeah. Pat Morita. So he used to go to Don Ho shows all the time, but he used to go there
to do one joke, right? And so Don Ho, if Don Ho knew Pat Morita was in the audience, Don Ho would
stop in the middle of the show and goes, ladies and gentlemen, tiny bubbles to you. You know what
I mean? And people go, yay. Right. And he goes, my friend is here in the audience, you know? He's
a good friend of mine. He's a celebrity. He's one of my best friends in the world. Pat Morita,
please. They shot a light on him. Pat Morita. And Don Ho would go, stand up,
Pat Morita. And Pat Morita's joke would be, I am standing. And everyone would laugh. And he would
only go to do that one joke. And then you just get plastered and get blown by Hawaiian women.
Oh God. You gotta love that. Yeah. See, that's awesome. And that's the good old days, man.
You, when you drive, you drive four hours to be part of something, you know? Yeah. See,
I would have loved, dude, back in the day, if like you and I came up from the 70s or 80s,
dude, right? And I knew you were doing a show, right? Yeah. I would have loved to just go with you
because what else is there to do? Yeah. You know what I mean? Go to the movies. Yeah. The movies
are going to be stuck in there. Yeah. So I would just drive and I think people like hung out more
back then. Yeah. Right. When things, everything wasn't recorded. So it didn't. So like everything,
like something, there was a value to the moment. Like now there's not as much value to the moment.
Yeah. It's great. And I don't know if this is good or bad, but it's crazy to think that like
some of the people that I've been canceled to wouldn't be canceled. You know what I mean?
Oh, totally. Well, it's, I don't know if that's in my head, you know. No, it's okay to talk about.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, say if, you know, you take, you know, half of our friends or anybody
from our time who grew up on that movie, almost famous, right? That movie is about 16 year old
girls, I think, banging men in a band and kind of champ, like the movie, it doesn't champion it,
but it definitely like kind of carries on like, this is okay. Well, I mean, obviously the Rolling
Stones and these 70s bands, when they want to go on the road, dude, they would like, like, they're
half of our parents. I know. I was watching that movie once upon a time in Hollywood and one of
the Manson girls was like 16, 17 years old. I mean, it's not that, I'm not saying it's right
or wrong. I'm just saying that back in the day, you know, like, you know, they used to just rock
bands used to just do that. They didn't ask for their ID. They just, you know what I mean?
She's hot. She has hair on her jam G and let's do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like,
I'm not saying it's a writer. It's probably wrong. It's wrong. Well, it's wrong, but they, you did
it though. It's all, there's, look, there's nuances to everything. I remember they had a
handicap guy in our neighborhood who's mentally handicapped and he used to kind of kiss everybody
a little and nobody knew how old he was. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you do it?
I don't remember if I did or not. I probably, I think I hugged him or fucking wrote on his
shoulders or something. You look like something, you like to lit things, you like, like, lit things
on fire growing up, huh? I mean, I would like lights, light stuff in the yard. If we got a half,
you know, something, we'd get an extra half gallon of gas or kerosene or something. We'd put
light the ditch up and run through it. All right. Do stuff like that. My buddy's car one time. We
fucking put the tires and kerosene coated them and lit them all and he drove down the street
real fast. Yeah. Should we even be talking about this? Cause I feel like it's going to get flagged
or something on, on YouTube. Oh no, he's, he's, he's still alive. No, I mean, talking about this
in general about pedophilia. Dude, there's a new TV show about pedophilia where they're dancing.
So if Netflix is going to air it, man, we can, look, I'm not saying, here's what I say. I'm
going to say loud and clear right now. I vote no one pedophilia. Me too. 100%. I hate it. Hate it.
Yeah. Everybody. And I don't care if the person is black or white, nobody should get molested, man.
What is this? Surgeon material. Yeah. Cuties. It's a show about 13 year old kids like showing
their, you know, booties and everything. Oh, did they, did they cancel it? I don't know. No, just
a lot of people are canceling their Netflix subscriptions to protest. Oh my God. People
are so crazy. Yeah. But it's also, it's, there does, you know what, with all technology going
back to what you're saying, there's a spot where you're like, okay, does this stuff have any of
my best interest in it? Like even if you watch the, um, I saw this documentary last night for about
20 minutes. It's about, uh, the people, it's basically like five Jewish guys that made TikTok
and Facebook like button, um, it's like programmers or something, right? Yeah. And,
and just about the dilemma that they were all facing in dealing with, is this ethical or not?
Yeah. Dude, I just, before I was telling you about that documentary, the social dilemma,
that's what you saw. Oh, social dilemma. Yeah, my bad. So you fucking saw it. I saw 20 minutes
of it, dude. I didn't want you to say that. I'm explaining to you what the fuck it is. And then
you're like, and then you were like before, yeah, say it, man, or have Nick bring up a picture.
What do you think Nick's here for? Yeah, but you didn't know what it was called. No, I didn't.
And I did. Oh my bad. So you did know. Oh, I'll tell you this, bro. Last time I come to this
fucking birthday party, where I get attacked, bro. So let me, let me just tell you about Kingdom. I
was fucking bringing it up before, right? And I just now remembered it. Okay. Don't get angry,
but bro, I've been watching a show on Netflix. It's a Korean show. It's called Kingdom, bro.
And you got to watch it, dude. Okay. It's about fucking Korean zombies back in the day. No way.
Yeah, dude. And it's in its second season now. Okay. And dude, bro, Korean zombies,
they can run far. Kozos, they call them. Oh, Kozos. Yeah, Kozos, dude. Do you like watching,
did you like watching Game of Thrones or anything like that? Yeah, I'm on the fourth season right
now. Are you really watching it? Yeah. Do you like it? It's good. Yeah. I love this. But why the
fuck did you wait so long to watch that? That's crazy. I kind of hold out with a lot of stuff.
I'm on the first season of The Office that is finished. Dude, just two years ago, I watched
Serpico, no cocaine. What's that thing? Upload. Nope. No, no, no. You feel Scarface. Scarface.
You just saw Scarface? Oh, well, I mean, it must be exciting for you. That's the thing. I don't,
everybody sees it and then everybody's seen it. You can never read, you can never see it for
the first time again. But fuck Tard. Scarface came out in the 70s. Yeah. You wait 30, 40 years.
And it was good, baby. Oh, wow. So now you had never seen Game of Thrones. And you were probably
one of those like, I refuse to watch it. Yep. It was like a cell phone to me. Yeah, right?
Right. I was a cell phone denier, bro. Yeah, yeah. So now that you watch it, you're going,
do you like it? Let's rock, baby. I'll say this, it's good. I think a lot of it is not,
it's not historically accurate. That's the part that I have. And there's also no black people
in it. You know what I'm saying? If you want to up the ante, throw a couple of sisters in that
bitch, you feel me? Yeah. They stayed fucking white heavy throughout that thing. No, there are,
later, I think there are, yeah, there are. Well, we need to get to it. The inceli or whatever,
I think there are. Yeah, that's true. It gets a little dark in the desert out there. Yeah,
in the desert. Yeah. But kingdom is like that. So kingdom has that vibe to it. But instead of like
dragons and shit, they're zombies. But it's got like, you know, internal like strife within like,
you know, the hierarchy of the kingdom and sabotage and all the stuff. But dude, it's like,
would you just do me a favor? It's on Netflix. Just watch the first, in the beginning, it's a
little boring because it sets things up. But the end of the episode, there's some cool shit that
goes on. If you like zombies and stuff. But anyone watching this podcast right now, I readily
recommend it. I saw the first season, it's pretty good. I like Korean shit, you know what I mean?
Yeah. And there's another Korean zombie movie called hashtag alive that I liked as well.
What about life of Hachi? Have you seen that?
Bring that up Hachi? What's the life of Hachi? No, it's just called Hachi. It's a Korean movie
about a little animal. There you go. Yeah. Okay. First of all,
a dog. Hold on. All right. You just said that it was a Korean movie about an animal. Right. I
look on the fucking poster. It's fucking Richard Gear, bro. Yeah. He ain't Korean. And two other
white ladies is, yeah, but still, I bet he's banged a lot of Korean chicks in his day. You feel
me? I know. But you think the dog's Korean because his name is Hachi? Yes, it is. Hachiko.
Hachiko is a Japanese. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Japanese. That's okay.
Dude, but you have to understand, man, coming from, look, I know that we are evolving. I know
that diversity is the new mustard, right? I get all that. But what I'm telling you is
I would say seven out of nine people, if they meet an Asian person, think that they are
Chinese or Japanese. And the other ones, it's just y'all got to get stronger reps out there. I think
before you start to take some of that freaking nameshare. Yeah. Well, I think, but can I just
defend that? Yeah. Please do. Yeah, I will. Because what you just said was cray cray. Yeah.
Okay. We live now in a, because of the internet, I think people are just more prone to know about
that like other sects or denominations of Asians, right? It's like, you know what a mong is?
How do you know it? I know the mong because you saw the movie Gran Turismo or whatever that
movie was. Nope. I met somebody that was humong. It's humong. Humong, yeah. I met them too and then
I didn't even know what the fuck they were and had to Google that shit. But I only know your Korean
because you reminded me the first 20 times that I thought you weren't Korean. Yeah, because you
kept saying like Chinese and what you just said that Hachi, it's like the bullshit you just didn't
just now. You like, you know, you've seen this Korean movie Hachi and then I look at the dog and
it's obviously a Japanese dog. And so you, you were like one of those white dudes when I first
met you, right? You would go, what's up, China, my Chinese friend, out loud, right? Or you'd go,
Aimee, what's up, shop boy? Aimee, get, you know, let's, why don't you, I have a rickshaw.
Let me get back there. I was like, I don't, we don't do that. Come and touch my wet market.
Yeah, yeah. So I had to keep reminding you for like the first five years I know knew you
that I was Korean, but it's like, there is, you know, a very big difference between the all of
them. Don't you think? Yes, I do. But imagine this, imagine you're in, let's say, you're in
New Jersey, right? And you keep yelling at somebody or say you go to New Jersey, right? And
you tell somebody there, oh, you're from New York. And they're like, no, I'm from New Jersey. And
they're like, well, what, but what about me? I'm from New York. And like, that's fine. But
I just, people from New York and New Jersey, they speak the same language. Yeah, but it's
still, they speak the fucking same language, dude. What are you fucking talking about? It's like
saying this, you know, it's a better, it's like, it's like saying someone from Denmark and someone
from Belgium, maybe that's a better thing. Okay. If you look at someone from Denmark and Belgium,
I probably wouldn't be able to say that you know the difference, right? Because they're similar
white people, right? But they have different languages and different culture. Like one makes
chocolate, the other one likes, you know, I mean, free marijuana or whatever. You know what I mean?
So my point is that you're right. That's it. But for someone from New Jersey and for someone from
New York, isn't a good fucking analogy. Okay. God, not bad, man. They speak the same language.
But I'm just saying, imagine being like so upset at a mall because one guy's from Tennessee and
one guy's from North Carolina. I know. But I think what you don't realize is that when you get
that shit every day though, you know what I mean? Every day you wake up. Like I call me the inward
the other day. I know. But I know. But as since I was a kid, every single day, you either have to go,
someone will come up to you and go, what are you? You go, I'm a human being. No, I mean like, you
know what I mean? That right? Yeah. Or the next day, like, hey, Chinese man, Chinese man, you know
what I mean? Make me a fucking Hello Kitty doll. Yeah. Yeah. Make her like, I don't want to make
that right. Make me a railroad or whatever. And then the next day, you know, something else happens.
You know what I mean? Someone will just go, right? And then it's like, every day you get that, right?
How'd you get into town? The river, you know, right, right, right, right. Or then you see and
then, you know, the worst videos is when I see, you know, on YouTube, I saw this one that this guy
was interviewing these girls in Vegas, these little girl, like, you know, 20 some and like,
would you ever did an Asian man? And they were all, oh, gross, no way. That's the last fucking
person we would, we would make out with, right? And then you're watching that as you know, you're
watching that, you know, you click, you click on it and you watch it and you go, oh man, you know
what I mean? It just feels bad, bro. You know what I mean? Or I could see that. I've had being poor
kind of, but it's like, I've had girls look at me, right? And go, you know, after we had make out or
whatever. And then they say stuff like, I have to be honest. You're like, what? I just never, ever,
ever, ever thought that I ever, ever, ever hook up with an Asian guy. Wow. And then you just kind
of go, there's a part of you that when you're Asian, that's like, yeah, you know what I mean?
Like I broke that whatever that was. Oh, yeah. Right. But then there's a part of me that goes,
it feels bad, you know? Why bad? I was like the conqueror, you know?
You know, it feels like, you know, that I feel like five will goes WAP, you know?
Yeah. But it reminds me of just how difficult it was. Yeah. Growing up in this country and just
like, you know, like Sadie Hawkins, I was never asked. You know what I mean? Me neither, man.
I never got any girls in high school. I had to, and I have to say this out loud, this is the truth,
that I had to find some sort of fame where it's confidence, you mean to get out in the market
and to get the women, you know? Yeah. Like you'd never had a problem. I've seen photos of you
as a young man, dude. All my girlfriends. You were cute as fuck, bro. But dude, I had severe mental
health issues. I had dyslexia. I had something they called inner dyslexia, which came in,
you know, kind of came through our area. I had, they had a fucking, I lived with a buddy who had
a fucking gas leak in his house for two years. Really? Yeah, dude, you know, hard to sort of
fucking finish a test when you're asleep. Yeah. Yeah. Like, dude, and people would call us,
people would call, like I used to hang out with the black kids, people would call me dark heart,
in heart. They would call me the N word and then say heart after it. They would, people would call
me, because my eyes are kind of slanted in, you know? All right. You have like a, you do look
caveman-like. Yep. Like from the nose up, very caveman-like. There I am right there, balling
out with a couple of guys. Where are you? Bottom left. That's you, bro? Yes, me, player. Oh,
shit. They used to call me sugar arms dog. Our team had four kids, dude.
Right. Dude, I used to drive, I used to ride my bike to school about five miles. I'd drive through
this town and number 19 would get, would get on my bike, right? And make me drive him. He was
seven foot seven. Let me look at that photo. I don't think that's you. Oh, that's me, player.
That is you. Yeah. Look at those beautiful fucking soft hands, dude. Oh, shit. And look at the way
my arms are bare. Just kind of rest on my leg. Yeah. So you grew up with like a lot of diversity
and stuff. I mean, I grew up with at least these six guys. That's a lot, bro. These guys were men.
These guys were grown men. Dude, I grew up with one. Number 14 ran an auto body shop, dude.
How old is that guy? That guy looks 42 there. Oh, that's Don Galatas, bro. Do you know him? You
know him? Yeah. Bro, I knew him for years and he never said one word to me. He's probably 31 years
old. Yeah. Yeah. And then he started family matters. Yeah. Yeah. He always dressed up like
Uncle Carl. Like Carl Winslow. You probably didn't know the guy in back of you, the white dude. That
looked like, that guy looks crazy. Oh, I know that guy, but he couldn't see very well. He had to
wear those really thick shades, you know? Yeah. I've never seen eyebrows like that before in my
life. Oh, that guy, definitely. He would do it all, man. Yeah. Did you really know him or no?
Yeah. Matthew Shenever, beautiful fellow. You're a skinny dude. He's a man of Christ. Yeah, man.
I can't be you. I don't think that's you, bro. Dog, I don't think that's not you, bro. I don't
think it is either. But anyway, number 19, bro, would get onto my bicycle, right? Yeah. Yeah.
And when he would see me coming, he would say, here comes the, he would say the N word bus.
He would say, here comes the N word bus. Oh, really? And as many blackheads as they wanted
to would get onto my bike and make me bike them to school like the little engine that could.
Wow. Yeah. And I would roll up with like six black eyes on my bicycle. And all I was trying to do
was get to school. Literally, it would be an extra seven, probably 800 pounds of young man going,
going in a fifth to sixth grade. Wow. And my legs got jacked, bro. I could dunk at one point.
Well, you could dunk? Yep. At one point. Do you know, you know, I've never made a basket.
I knew that. Yeah. Yeah. I've never made a basket. No, I've never. That's a, that's a truth.
I, but hold on. What kind of basket are we talking about? Because there's no way our Asian
audiences believe that you've never made a basket. No, I've made baskets like for the
river and stuff. Yeah. But fish on you, right? But I've never taken a basketball and thrown it.
I don't know what that feels like to stick that ball into the hoop. Yeah. I've
thrown probably 10,000 in my life. I've never made one. Damn. Yeah. I can't reach it.
And I tried to get a ladder once to do it and cheat. You know what I mean? But like, yeah,
yeah, but I've never made a basket. I've made, um, yeah, I've never done it. Damn. Yeah. I could
I couldn't see you doing it actually. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you have some like Jeremy Lin that could.
Yeah. Yeah. Yao Ming obviously could do it. You know what I mean? But I just never did.
It's just not my sport. I've never even, I can barely, I've only bounced it twice.
Yeah. Like I can go one, two, and then I'll just lose traction, right? It'll just,
it'll pop up in the sky. Yeah, it's not. I mean, I feel like it's, uh, it's more of a learned
environment. Now here's a guy right here, got banned for life from Chinese basketball association.
He put out, uh, he put out on his IG story, uh, Chinese women got cakes on the low,
might switch up my stance soon. LOL. YOLO, I guess. And here he is, uh,
bending some woman over some, some professional lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So he would,
he's in China, plays basketball there. Right. Can't make the NBA anymore.
What? Used to be in the NBA, but now he's older. So he's playing in China. So he's now
he's playing in China and now he's now, he's getting some, you know, Chinese boom tang
and he's bragging about it and he got banned from it. Yeah, I guess. Now,
what did they think that he was being disrespectful to Chinese women? See,
that's what I'm talking about. He disrespectful to women. Pot out, son. Yeah. Imagine if they did
that in America. Oh, everyone would be banned. Right. I mean, every video is like that. Right.
It's, it's, what's fucked about that is, is that like, dude, hey, Chinese government,
whoever fucking did that, right? It's a cultural thing, dude. It's not like he's like,
it's either he paid for her, right? Or that's his woman on the slide. Who knows, right? Yeah.
But it's like, he can fucking do that. I'm not saying he can't, but in China, he can't.
Yeah. The Chinese are weird. China don't play any games. They don't play any games. Dude,
when I went to Shanghai, man, they, they're not playing any games. Oh yeah. You did go to Asia.
Yeah. I went there and did some shows, man. I did shop or form for the Asians, man. Well,
wait, no, you did a show for the military bases, not Asian people. No, this was a,
this was people, right? No, be real. Yeah. You did. How was that? There was a lot of expats,
but there was also some Asians. I remember a couple at one of the shows, some women came out
trying to be wives, wanted to be wife. Yeah. Oh, dude, I want to say this. So I was on Instagram
maybe a month ago and this pretty hot chick, right? Kept text like not direct message because I'm
not, I don't follow her, but it's like she was messaging me. Hey, does Theo respond to his
messages, direct messages? And I didn't respond, but she's pretty hot. I looked at her fucking thing
and she keeps asking me like, how do I get a hold of Theo? I really need to get a hold of them
with fans. Look at your eyes. What are you doing with your eyes? Nothing. This is how I looked.
Oh, that's what I'm saying. This is how I look. But I'm just saying, dude, like, you know, I mean,
that could now I can see like, you mean very attractive women trying to claw into your shit.
Really? Well, how does she not just look me up and find me then and say, hey, you know,
but do you get a lot of like those messages? Are you getting, you don't want to talk about this?
No, no, no, I'm fine talking about it. Yeah. What do I get? I get a just not respond to them or
no, some I respond to some I don't, you know, it's definitely riskier these days. Yeah. After
it's like, you know, you just get really scared about somebody sharing like personal communication,
you know, somebody recording your screen, even if it's just like, hey, what's up or anything,
you know, like, can I get your number, this or that, you get scared of, I get scared of
people like sharing that or like screen grabbing it and like, I don't know, it just feels like,
you know, people are going to use it to mess with you. I mean, even after what happened with
Delia, like a lot of the stuff that got shared about him, a lot of the stuff that got shared
about him, none of it was illegal stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and they just people, they're
like, oh, what about this 22 year old woman that he was communicating with? You're like,
well, that's, there's nothing, you know, it might be a, that's, you know, there's a difference between
being a dog of a man and being a pervert or criminal perv. Would I have to say about him
because I didn't, and I don't want to get in trouble. You know, that's the thing. I've been
pretty silent about, you know, talking about this. Yeah, me too. But I want to say one thing,
which I'm trying to gather the words is that I do, the allegations are shocking, but I do have to
say that he just, just personally, one of the nicest, generous, good guys that I've ever
met in the business. You know, he, he's, him and his family have only been, even, you know,
when I was struggling stuff, the sweetest people. And he's, he's only been the sweetest guy, you
know. And I've not said that out loud. And because, you know, we live in a world where, you know,
you know, you get this fear that like, am I going to get canceled too? Or whatnot. But I've been
also thinking about, why can't I say that? Yeah. Yeah. Why can't I say, you know, that, you know,
you know, Christelia is just one of the nicest guys I've ever met personally in my life, you
know, I've never seen him do all the things that, you know, he's been accused of doing.
I don't, and I also, I'm also, you know, I'm on the side of always victims, you know, I feel,
you know, if people have been victimized, but that's not what I'm saying right now. All I'm
saying is, is that, you know, that's the thing that I've been scared to say, because I don't want
people to think that I'm defending him. I'm not. I'm just saying that, you know, that's what I know
of him, that he's just being a good guy. Do you have the same experience? I mean, Chris has been
super nice to me. I mean, you know, helpful with work. You and I, you and him are closer. Yeah.
Because y'all have more of a history together. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But it's just so uncomfortable
to say that because it's like, you know, um, yeah, and it shouldn't be, but it all, it like,
yeah, it shouldn't mean just because we talk about someone that it means like we don't
like support somebody that if somebody was taking advantage of it. Yeah, I don't support
the behavior, right? That's the behavior. If someone's victimized, you know, I mean, I'm not,
I, I, I'm on their fucking side. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm just saying that
why can't I say to, you know what I mean? That he is just my opinion about him. You know, it's like,
yeah, totally. Yeah. When people are more than one thing, you know, like people are like I said
before, like people are complex creatures. Totally. It's like when people like, who's that guy?
Huh? He's not here live, but he is a human. And I just, I want to say add one last thing. It's like
the same thing as I feel about Carlos Mencia, right? And what, what, what he went through.
It's like, you know, I was his opening act when all that shit went down. Wow. Really? Yeah. I
was. What did you do? Did you speak up or did you not speak? No, I fucking cut ties and I
fucking ran like a guy. Wow. Do you feel bad about that now or no? You know, there is parts of me
that feel bad, but at the time, right? I wasn't, you know, I was a guy trying to make a name for
myself. Yeah, it's so hard. And it's like, I was just trying to, you know, there's a parts of me
that are kind of hate talking about shit like this, but there's parts of me that's, you know,
you know, opportunistic, I guess, you know, I, you know, I had spent, you know, how hard it is
in the beginning. So I spent so much time like working on this thing. And I just had this fear
that I was going to lose everything. So I cut ties from him. And, and I read on the internet
all these things about him. And it is true. Did he steal jokes? Yeah. You know, but does that make
him evil? No. Agreed. There's, he's a good dad, you know, he, he's a lot of things. I would have,
I would have never made it without him. He's done so many generous things for me. And it's like,
would I say that shit around, you know, Rogan or no, I don't, I keep, you know, we, that shit
doesn't even come up because I know how certain people feel about him. You know what I mean? But,
you know, um, people are complex creatures, you know, and it's like, yeah, we, and somehow
like, it seems a lot of times like the media just can say that this person is only one thing. And
then we, their label is that. And then, and then that's the only thing that they are. And it's
like, it's just so tacky. Like I think one thing, it's scary. It's fucking scary, dude. It's scary,
true. But it's also tacky. It's like in a time when we're supposed to be like recognizing that,
you know, people have depth and that people are not just one thing. They're not just the,
the color of their skin or just their behavior or just this certain one thing, you know, that
everybody has a redemption. You know, like it's just, yeah, also it's like movies that I like
are redemption movies, right? People that made mistakes, right? And then they are able to at
the end of the movie, right? You know, make amends and, and the change and to learn. That's what
life is about is to grow and make mistakes, fall, learn, right? And adjust or whatever. Yeah. Right.
But in, we live in a society now is you make one mistake or a series of mistakes, you're out forever.
You're done. Fuck you. And it's crazy because we all make, we've all, we are all in perfect. Oh my
God. I made so many mistakes. So many made, you know, I know this is a comedy podcast. Don't make
them, right? But this is like, we, I think just, there's certain times where we have to be real.
Sometimes we are. Yeah. You know, sometimes you have to be real. And it's like, you know,
especially I'm so tired of this pandemic shit, like I'm not living a life.
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And now back to the episode. I just realized last night, I'm not living a life. I'm not
out doing shit. You gotta go to Nashville, man. It's totally, there's no pandemic there.
Really? Yeah. I mean, so you go out and just go to the gym. You can go do whatever you want,
man. Do you wear a mask? It's awesome. I wear a mask like when I like walk into a gas station,
you know, so that lady doesn't get mad. But I also, I thought, I noticed about a month ago,
I started feeling like, are we all just pretend, I started getting this weird feeling like,
oh, we're pretending. Like there's definitely really something out there, but it's just not
as dangerous as we thought. Yeah. I mean, cause you know how I'm mindful, right? Oh yeah. Right.
But then I found, I discovered somebody that was even more crazy, you know, not crazy, but
you know, I invited somebody, it's not crazy, but I invited somebody to do my podcast. You know,
I have in guests like this. Oh yeah. But I have a plexiglass up. You know what I mean? I was the
first guest back in the garage. Right. Right. Right. And you wear, you have to wear a mask when
you walk in, but then when we shoot, we're 10 feet apart. You go take your mask off. We give you
water or sanitizer or whole thing. Right. Somebody I asked to do my podcast and this person goes,
nah, zoom or nothing. Damn. Right. And I'm like, you know, it's- Michael Crichton said that to us,
dude. Am I really? Yeah. We told him to take a walk. Yes. Zoom or nothing. It's like, no,
I wanted to tell this person like, no, dude, we're just as fucking paranoid as you are.
But they're like, now that extreme. So you just don't know where people stand with this shit, man,
but it's getting to the point where, you know, like, have you done stand up? Yeah. I just got back up.
Where? In Nashville. You did three sets. Yeah. You did Zainis? Yeah. Just 10 minutes. That's dude,
the first one was so hard. Oh, it was. I literally got out. Tell me, tell me, tell me. And I got up
there and backstage I'll be like, oh, you're going to be fine. You're fine in my head. I'm like, no,
I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I always listen to my head, unfortunately. And so,
so I'm up there and man, it was scary, man. I like did a little, it was almost like I just did
little reenactments of whoever I like, whatever my act used to be. Right. Right. Right. Because
nothing has been super funny to me really. So it's like, it's like, I've been practicing new
materials. Like people are even working on new shit. And it's like, where, you know, like the
only thing that happened was a black guy called me the freaking inward. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you,
no, when you did it, did you do all the jokes you used to do? Yeah. Yeah. I got through in one new
joke or one thing that I thought was funny. I mentioned it and it did well. But otherwise,
I'm just kind of working on the old stuff because it's almost like I just need to pick back up
where I left off. Yeah. I was thinking about doing like thinking what it would be like to
just stand up and I panicked because number one, I couldn't remember fully how to say any joke.
Right. Like because you, you, it's all about before I used to do it in repetition.
Totally. It's like there, but I haven't done it in so long. And also how would I even, I was like
practicing in the mirror like, Hey, what's up? You know what I mean? Good to be here. You know,
what's going on? And then nothing else came out. Yeah. Was that like that? Oh, it's definitely
scary. And at about three and a half minutes, I said, Hey, this is too nerve wracking for me. I'm
going to get down. No, really? Yep. And what did the audience laugh? Yeah. They were just like,
no, but did you get out down? Yeah, I got that. Oh, you just bailed in the middle of the set.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was no time limit on the set. The guy was waiting right by the door.
Yeah. So, uh, and oh my God, that must have been so I, it was uncomfortable. Was it like,
no, the audience was capacity or it was 150 people. They're at half capacity, half capacity.
So the, I have my own show actually this Wednesday night in 48 hours. And so I'm in Nashville.
Oh, you're going back? Yep. So I'm going to practice over the next two days and watch Mold
said and you can do 45 minutes. Yeah. Oh, it's scary though. But now I went back two more time
and did other and did a couple of stories. And so it got better. Oh, it got better. But
there's still a lot of freaking rust for this first show. Yeah. Cause I keep getting invited to do
like, Hey, you want to do Huntington Beach? Yeah. Right. And that's like, Hey,
want to come perform in this abandoned Creighton barrel? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like,
even like I've had friends go, you know, I'm doing a show at my house. Yeah. And for the who?
Your uncle? No, I'm not doing it. Right. Have you been invited to those weird shows? Oh,
Ari Manus in Vice Mall at times like, Hey, you want to come over to my apartment and see you
files of molestation charts against me the next day? And it's like, no. And he changes the name
every time it's like his burrito bash. Yeah. We're having free burritos. Somebody stole my snake
last time. Yeah. I just need it. I just need it. You need the real environment, Bobby. And that
was one thing that was nice was going to a club. It was like, I'm not doing this in the back of a
Toyota Tundra. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing this in an abandoned washing
machine. It makes me fucking sweat now. Bro, it was nerve wracking. Yeah. Cause we're storytellers.
Yeah. I'm not a topical. I'm not like a guy who every week gets up and has like, oh, here's seven
new jokes. No, we do evergreen jokes. Right. Right. We do evergreen jokes that like you can tell,
you know, five years from now. That's what I do. Yeah. Right. Now I'm going to, when I go off with
a new tour, I'll have mostly new stuff. But right now I just got to keep, I got to, you know, but
like you have to, you know, call the elephant in the room, right? You have to, you can't just go
up there and go, anyway, man, I had a rough childhood, man. My dad was crazy. He had a funny
accent. You know, you, you have to talk about the pandemic and what's going on in the world, right?
I don't know. Yeah. You can't just go up on stage and go like, what's up everybody?
Hey, it's crazy, man. My relationship. Right, man. You know, don't you hate it when women do this
and men do that? You know what I mean? Black people's butts are higher up than white people's
butts. You know what I mean? When they do that kind of joke, you know what I mean? Yeah, I guess that's
true. Yeah. You have to go, man, at least one line referring to, you have to say one line referring
to what's going on. Yeah, I think you could say, yeah, happy pandemic or like, or maybe do a cough
and go, oh, I'm sorry, I'm just coughing. Yeah. I don't know. Or Peter pandemic. Is that a new
cartoon yet, I feel like? Yeah. I'm just like sweating now, but it's just even thinking about it.
But dude, yeah, we shouldn't not be able, we shouldn't be afraid to speak about our friends or
people or even like people that have struggled or suffered or like, or, you know, like anybody,
we shouldn't be afraid to think, to be able to speak out loud about things. You know? Yeah, it's,
I don't know what I don't know. You know, I don't know. Yeah, totally. You know, what's offensive
about it is that, you know, people thinking that I do know, like, you know, first of all,
here's what I want to say. This is the truth. All right. I don't hang out with you. You. Yeah.
Like, I don't. In my mind, you do. No, no, no, but we don't. I have two pictures of you on the wall.
Now, I have fond feelings for you. My ex-girlfriend has a picture of you and me on her wall.
No, really? Yeah. Yeah. I have fond feelings for you. And if you died, bro, it would be devastating.
Yeah. But like, I don't see you. Right. We talk every other week. Right. And they're really quick.
Like, did you get that? Yeah. No. Send it. That's pretty much something, right? Yeah. What you do,
you'll text. Like a what? Yeah. How is it? How is it? Are you alive? Yeah. Right. That's the
interaction with it. If we talk on the phone, which is rare, like even for this, you're going to do
Monday. Yeah. Bye. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't. So, you know, for people to think that.
It's almost like spies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For people to think that I know what's going on in
people's personal lives. That's insane. I don't know who you're seeing. I don't know where you're
going. I don't know where you've been. You know, I don't know who you're talking to. I don't know
nothing about you. Yeah. So people if tomorrow, the fucking CNN or somebody said, Theo Vaughn's
collecting rats again for fucking puppets. He'd be like, Oh, wow. Yeah. I'd be like, I didn't know
that about him. Yeah. All right. Yeah. There's, yeah, there's like, yeah, like I've never been over
to like, delete his house. You know, yeah, I love Chris. I think that he's one of the best
comedians. I think he's one of the funniest guys of our time. Yeah. Yeah. But I've never been,
he's lived in three houses. He's so intrinsically funny. I have been to, been to his latest house.
Yeah. I went to one of his houses and I had a pool. He had a pool party. Yeah. And I waited in
his pool and then I didn't get invited to that. So that's kind of where he and I like, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was only invited one time. Yeah. And then I like left and
he goes, why'd you leave? I go, I don't like Cheetos or whatever. And he's like, that's all we
have. You know what I mean? And then I like, he never invited me again. Yeah. I went to Dane
Cook's house one time. Me too. And he bought me a sandwich. Yeah. He did. Yeah. He had some weird
like party where it was like me, him, Mark Maron by swimming pool. Just y'all three. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I was like, I don't like this. This is not funny at all. I imagine being in a fucking pool
party with Mark Maron and Dane Cook. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, I love that. You see Shia LaBeouf
the other night on this thing. Yeah. So funny. Dane was in that. Well, didn't, didn't Dane do it?
Dane emceed it? Yeah. He did do it. But was it, was, is he the one that like facilitated it at all?
No, it couldn't be. I don't know. Did he? Was this his idea? I don't know. Because he, because he was,
Sean Penn's charity. I know that much. But. Oh, it was Sean Pairet Penn's the one that came up with
that? Yeah. It was for his charity. Wow. That's cool. Oh, so he probably needed a comedian.
Julie Roberts is fine. Yeah. What? Julie Roberts is fine. Oh, dude. I would, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Dude, I would frickin lick skittles. Okay. Let me look at, let me look at the whole bit bunch. Let
me look at, just scroll down. All right. So, all right, dudes, here's are the people I would hook
up with. Okay. And even the dudes, I would hook up with, who's the top one? Jennifer Aniston?
Yeah. Maybe. I'd go Morgan Freeman over her. Yeah. No, I would do good Morgan. They said it
would take a, they said it would take a man 600 years to get in a reaction. Yeah. I would, right.
I also would count all his like freckles. Oh, yeah. You know, his chocolate spots?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Above, like, you know, you know that he has the stuff that on Silent's face, like
above his pubes. Oh, yeah. So, I would dig through his pubes just to count them. Oh, you're a dark.
And that would look up and go 82. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I got them all.
And then, who's the next one? I would do Julia. What is wrong with me? You would do Brad Pitt.
You would do Brad Pitt. Huh? Would you hook up with Brad? No, I would not, dude. I would hook up
with Julia freaking Roberts, dude. And if she ever dies, I will buy one of her bones off a fucking
knife. Okay. Because she's stunning, bro. I'm not hookin' up with any of these freaking bottom
haters, John Legend, Ray Lioto. What are those? He's not even smoking cigarettes anymore.
Oh, those freckles on Morgan's face? What are they? Huh? He got them installed. Somebody said
at a certain point it became like a thing. Right, right. And he got those. Yeah, he got more spots.
You know what I would do? I would get, you know, if I was black and I could make my face.
He's a speckled trout. Right. I would get his bumps, right? But I also, I would get
seal scar, right? So I can tell the story. I like that. Right. And then I would like,
I'd probably have an eye patch. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And if I was black, I would have a small penis.
If I could make it. So that it would surprise girls. Yeah. They go, oh, I thought that. You
know what I mean? I'm like, nah, not this one. Dude, yeah, you gotta get that big Lincoln long.
You gotta get that dark wiener next time. Is that Morgan? What is that? A statue of him? He has
dermatosis papillosa nigra. Yeah. I don't say nigra ever again, man. I knew it was me.
Don't ever say nigra again, man. Yeah, dude. That's crazy. I'm gonna say that kind of stuff on
here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Papillosis nigra. Dude, I just got six months, man.
Congratulations. Thanks. I worry about you. You do? Yeah. No, you don't. I do. Do you really?
Yeah. Like the last time, I just, here's the deal, dude. There's not a lot of us. I mean,
I'm gonna give you a compliment. All right. Can I give you a compliment? Yeah. Let's be real. Yeah.
Yeah. I honestly think that you are
either at my level or even higher up in terms of artistry. I would agree with part of that.
And in comedy. Like that's how I look up to you. I think that you have such an interesting voice.
You and I might be doing this project together. It's pretty big. We're not gonna talk about it
now, but it's a very big deal, right? And when I found out from these two big people, they called
me and they go, it's you and Theo. I was just like, there's not in my mind. I'm like, of course it is,
right? So that being said, you know, I also worry about you too, you know, because I want you here
with us. Yeah. Right. And it's like, you know, you and I slipped around the same time, right?
Yeah. I didn't really, I didn't even talked about it really, because I wanted to get six
months before I really talked about it. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, and then there was a time
where I heard and then you hear rumors. Theo was on PCP in Nashville. He ran through a wall,
right? You're like, what? He peed on a fucking midget or whatever. You know what I mean?
And so then like, you hear these stories, I installed PVC pipe in a wall. That's actually what
happened. So that's crazy. That's just how it translates. So then, and then it's just happy
to, because I don't also, you know, want to pry into your business, right? Because I know that,
I don't know you, I don't even know who you're seeing right now. Yeah. As a significant other,
because I just, you know, that's your business. But you, if you want to tell me, you'll tell me.
But yeah, I'm happy to hear that, dude. You know, that you have, how do you feel? Thanks, man.
It was hard, man. It was hard to get it. It was hard to get it. I mean, I, you know, like,
and I just never talk about it that much on that. Like, I, you know, I've always been in
the program. So I've never like, the most I've ever gone without a meeting is probably a week.
But, but yeah, I just, I was in, in Hawaii and they, I met this dude at a smoothie shop,
this shaman. And next thing you know, I'm using DMT, you know, at his house, dude. No, is that
real? And they ran a childcare out of there too, dude. No, are you really, you did DMT? Yeah.
How was it? I mean, I'll tell you this, man, I haven't smoked a cigarette since then, which is
crazy. Really? Cause it did work. I mean, I would like to say, yeah, there's no, I have no doubt
that it, that it, that it worked, man. So then DMT, you did the DMT and then that's after that,
you got sober? Yeah. So then I was just like, well, uh, yeah. So then whenever I got back home,
I just got back into, um, the rhythm of it. Yeah. Well, I did, I had known, I felt like a little
bit before that I was going to drink, you know, I just felt, I wasn't really doing my program
as much as I should. I was going to meetings, but not doing it. And then I went to Maui and just
had me a couple cocktails, man. Nothing crazy really. I didn't do anything crazy. I never
liked drinking. Yeah. Yeah. So I had a, just some tequila and water and, you know, over a couple
days. And then I ran into that man at the smoothie shop, his buddy had vitamins, vitamin D3. And he
hooked me up with a couple of free bottles of vitamins. And then he, he's like, Hey, you gotta
meet my buddy. And then that dude just, just DMT coming to capsule. How do you smoke it? What is
it? Yeah. He had like this kind of a little piece. It was kind of a, like a peace piper kind of thing.
Ah. And yeah, you did it. Dude, it was crazy. And then what does it do with the feeling?
Here's what happened. So basically the whole way I interacted with the world is from through my
eyes, ears. Okay. Suddenly like there was no difference between like me and like a sound
or like a color. Like everything was all just the same thing. And a tree, I died. And then a tree
grew straight out of my mouth up straight up into the air as high as, as high as, and it wasn't even
the air anymore. It was just like this traveling, just portal into like, I don't even know. There
was no maps. It was all a map. It was all a map. Dude, it was all a sound. It was like, there's no
fucking, what the fuck are you doing? There's no maps. There's no, like all your senses are just one thing.
Like, um, like right now I experienced the world from me. I see, I touch, I have a sense of things.
But suddenly I wasn't the main, I could experience everything, but as everything. Suddenly I'm no
longer rooted to myself. I was just part of it all, man. Oh, fuck. I was part of it all. I was a piece
of sunshine and I was a, so you had a, like a bucket of sand and I was a freckle awakening.
It was, it was mind boggling, man. It definitely was way relaxing in a sense. Like it took a
little bit of pressure off of me. Yeah. I want to do that thing where they do that smoke. What's
that called? Acapulco. What's it called? Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca. I want to do the Acapulco, dude.
Like I want to do it. I was watching a documentary. It's called Unwell. It's like a series and people
like, and people are like getting spiritual awakenings from, what's it called? Ayahuasca.
And, um, so then I turned to Kalilah and I go, is that a relapse? Is that a relapse? I mean, it
counts as a relapse just because, but I think it's, for me, I think it's how people count their own
time. Like I know anybody in the, most people in the program would say it's a relapse because I
know a dude that has a lot of time and, and he, he said to me once, I did Ayahuasca like a year ago,
but I don't count it as a relapse. Right. So I'm like, oh, shit. Is that allowed? I don't know.
You know? And I, look, I think all of it comes down to how people have their own program, you know?
Because I want to, I want to be able to like do what you just said, like see through my eyes and
be a part of the tree. Well, I didn't feel like I was using a drug. I felt like I was having a
experience. I want to be a part of the cosmos. Yeah. Like I felt like I was using drugs for,
hey, I want to get high. I want to change how I feel. Because you didn't want to probably do it
again. Like, oh, how do I get more DMT, baby? You know what I mean? Right? It was just like one
experience. You weren't hooked on it, right? No, I wasn't hooked on it. Right. So it's like,
I want to take ayahuasca and, and, and one time and just, you know, experience it and find,
but then I'm paranoid that I'm going to be like a fucking ayahuasca junkie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Every week. Yeah. Living in the, living in the zoo, eating fucking leaves when people come by.
What are we taking pictures of you? You'll hold onto them and they'll take a picture of you,
you know? Yeah. Or I'll have like your whole body. Like peacock hairs on my head and I'll be
like a shaman. Completely naked in the forge of peacock feathers and I'll have like red,
like mascara on, right? Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, to you, but to you, but to you, but to you,
and just speaking some weird language. And then like, you're going to be like, hey,
you want to podcast? Like, oh, you know, I'm, you know, I'm quick, quick. I'm a bird or whatever.
I'm your pituitary glad. You're going to trip out. Yeah. So I don't, so I don't know what it's
going to do to me. Yeah. But if you're saying that you took DMT and then it was just like chill
after that and it helped you get sober, then maybe, you know, are they helping me get off the cigarettes?
Yeah, they are. It helped me get up. Can I open them? I didn't expect it to help me get off cigarettes.
It just did, man. Can I open them? And I'll talk more about it on a regular episode. I didn't
even really mean to bring it up, but no, you, you brought it up whenever I was on your podcast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you bought me gifts? Yes. Or did you, who bought it? Did you buy them?
Open it. I will. Thank you, man. You're welcome. You know, no one's gotten me a gift. You're lying.
Kalyla, obviously, my niece and, um, you know what, I love her mom, but you know what she got me?
I'm not complaining. Every gift is a good blanket. No, she made me rice crispy treats.
Oh, but come on. Yeah. Yeah. You don't, do you say thank you? I mean, 10 years ago, that was funny.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Gilbert, the guys I work with on pocket, they gave me a video game
chair. Oh, that's pretty cool. Those are dope, man. Oh, dude. Dope, bro. This says, it's cool, huh?
Dude. This is dude. I love this. Is this a medium? Yeah. Let me see. I don't know. Thank you so much.
It'll fit you. Yeah. Yeah. I do. There's Kalyla 101 of these. Remember I told you? Uh-uh. Yeah.
Yeah. This is from what? From Theo, what you said, from Bobby. Anyway. I messed it up. Yeah,
but it's from me. Well, yeah, man, I figured you were like that and I knew you wanted something
to sleep in at night. So, there's something to keep you warm. All this available at Theo Vaughn's
store. Dude, this is cool. What is this? Racking. The Racking. Oh my God. Thank you so much.
Can you show the camera? Can you show the camera? Yeah. Yeah. So, I just got, dude, the only hope to be
time to be wearing this shit, dude. Oh, yeah. I am going to be wearing this shit. This says, uh,
sexy in that. And again, that's Theo Vaughn's store.com. Theo Vaughn's store.com. The Racking.
Dope as fuck. And you can make it a dress if you want to put it as a belt, too. This is dope as
fuck, dude. Oh, yeah. That's a holiday piece. Thank you so much, man. Appreciate it. You're
welcome, man. Thanks for coming on, dude. Yeah, I'm excited about our project, man. It'd be crazy
if that works out. I don't know if we can. Can we? I mean, we have to be creative and...
Because I'm going to be honest with you. Can you cut things out? Maybe we'll talk about it.
I'll be honest with you. When they contacted me, I thought it was a prank.
You did? I don't even know. You don't even know what it is? No. Oh, Nick doesn't.
What? Nick does not know. Oh, he doesn't know. I mean, I didn't keep it from him for any reason.
I just... I don't just never... Well, let's just talk about it. And then if you want to cut it out,
cut it out. Okay. How long have we done gone so far? An hour and a half. It's good. Yeah. Is that
how it goes? I'll just be honest with you. I was a little low energy. I'm so sorry. I had a blast.
That was fun. Yeah, I thought it was a lot of fun, man. I'm just so grateful you came. Did you really?
Because I'm getting paranoid in my head like that. Because I'm trying not to repeat stories.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. All of us do, man. It's hard. It's so hard that like,
so I'm like, you can't say that because you already said that this date. So it's like,
it's a very difficult thing. That's where I'm at right now with podcasting. It's like,
it gets tough, man. It gets so hard. I talk so much that I don't even know what to say anymore.
Yeah. So coming here, I felt bad because it was like, I don't want to let my friend Theo down,
but I just was like, you know, I want to be able to deliver because it sucks about it too is
whenever him and I do it together, people on the online thinks we're the best together. So it's like,
I feel the pressure of it too. Right. So it's not, it's now not fun.
I'm a fan and I enjoyed this one. So. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But so anyway, we get a call.
I got a call from Jay and Mark Duplass. You know who they are?
Puffy chair or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. They did the documentary of the Indian people out in Mexico.
No, but they also did that one with the, they've done a lot of shows. Yeah. They're huge. Yeah.
So they reached out about us doing a, and so they, they have a deal at Spotify and they want to,
and the first comedy they want to put out is a podcast with me and Theo, but it's scripted.
And it's being. Family. Yeah. We're fam, we're brothers in it. Yeah.
And I'm the Asian. Yeah. Yeah. And when they pitched me the idea, I was like, okay, I'm in.
It wasn't just them, but because I'm a huge fan of them, but it's like, I think that,
you know, it's new territory, dude. Yeah, it would be fun. I mean, it would be interesting.
It would be fun. Yeah. I'm liking it. I'm working on some of the script stuff now.
Yeah. It's cool. Maybe I should get more involved. When are you going to move?
I just got back from Nashville yesterday. I've been there for three weeks.
So you're already moved? No, no. I mean, I'm just there kind of, there's nothing to do here.
I mean, you know, there's time to spend with you. There's time to spend with Brendan. There's time
to do podcasting. You know, I can't go to the gym. At least I can go there and women will beat me.
You know? Yeah. Yeah. As I just came back to celebrate your birthday and spend time with you,
man. That's uncomfortable. But are you going to physically move there? I don't know.
You know, I definitely would like to have work be based out of there, I think.
You know, we're managing it right now and trying to figure it out. But how are you going to get
guests and stuff? There's a lot of interesting people there. One interesting thing is David
Arquette came here for the podcast. He lives in Nashville. Oh, he does? Yeah. Which is crazy.
So it's like we could have done it there. Wow. I know Steve Burns moving out there.
Johnny Galecki lives there. Yeah.
Kid Rock. Dave Ramsey. Dave Ramsey. Wow. But there's probably tons of people that live there,
you know? Yeah. And also just regular people. Like we're getting a female trucker to come on next
week. Oh, that's cool. We got a young fella right now. An Asian guy side-kicking in there with us.
Really? On the new episode. You want to show him a little clip of Old Boy?
Yeah, let me see. Did you go out there? Nick came. I have, yes. I helped him set up a studio.
It was awesome. And like he said, it's pretty normal. Colin, can you text me that video?
Oh, I found it. When you might recognize a young fella.
And he's Polynesian. He's full poly.
You have a lot of body hair, Riley? I don't. I would have guessed that, man, honestly.
Really? Yeah. Do you have any birth defects or anything like that?
I mean, I'm a musician. Like I said. But no, when you were born, were you missing anything?
Do you have any birth defects? Indiana? It's Spanish for?
In Indiana? Are you good at charades? No, not at all.
You know, I always wanted to smoke crack. Have you had a high drug experience, Riley?
I've not. I mean, you know, I'm a Christian, Eagle Scout. So I'm like the most innocent guy
that you will probably ever meet. You know, in Bali, they have so many monkeys that a lot
of them have gone in the bad ones. They put them in detention centers. Do you support that kind of
thing? Yeah, I support all monkeys, whether they're that or not. Because Asians, you can't. I mean,
you take a razor to an Asian, you'll barely end up with a damn sideburn on the ground. They're not,
they're not hairy people, are they? Are the Yokozuna's hairy? I don't think so.
Yeah, he doesn't add information. He's just a guy. He's a sidekick, man. He's your sidekick?
Why do you need an Asian sidekick? I'm employing you guys, man. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Polly, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Polly, man. He's from the islands.
You know, maybe I'll go out there, you know. Well, do you ever go to Sainis or not?
I held one time. I went there once and three people showed up on my show.
When was all this? Every time he referenced a show, nobody was there. It was so bad. Where if
you went anywhere in America, a million people would come out to see you. I went and asked them.
In fact, they called me, like, because Santino was there before the pandemic,
and Santino's like, dude, they want you here. I'm with the owner or whatever. And I go,
dude, I sold three tickets last time. And then she got on the phone and she goes,
oh, that was our bad. You know, but I think it'd be different now. Babe, this is before I went
podcasting. Okay. So if I went now, I would, I think. When does it end, man? What do you think
the next step is? Really? Thank you so much for having me on, man. I was a little low energy today,
but I did the best I could. I, you know, I'm a friend to you. Yeah, dude. We're friends, bro.
Yeah, I friends you and we together. Dude, what if we were brothers? Dude, I almost wish that this
thing that we're working on could be, you know what I mean? A live action. Like real, you know
what I mean? Like live action. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And let's, yeah, we could be brothers. We could
own a bakery, huh? Yeah. So I want to go to, um, let's say, I want to go to, let's, when it lightens
up a little bit, I want to go to Nashville and visit you. Yeah, I really do. Do you? Yeah.
You would love that. I don't want to stay at your house. I'll get a hotel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't want to stay at your house. They have nice hotels there, man. They're building a Soho
house there. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. So I'll go to, um, so when, you know, when, when do you think
we're going to have a, um, vaccine or something, whatever? I don't know. I don't even know who's
dying from it. I think it's just mostly killing like older people and then, I mean, nobody wants to
say it, but it's killing mostly Latinos and blacks, you know? Yeah. That's sad. So you guys are doing
fine. Oh, Tuesday, November 3rd. Oh, yeah, Tuesday, November 3rd. Yeah. All right. So,
November 4th, I'll come to Nashville. Okay. Because I'll get the vaccine right away. Okay.
But thanks for having me on. Dude, thanks for coming. Happy birthday.
Thanks for the happy birthday. Honestly, dude, because Kalala, one of these,
do you remember? I told somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got that message, man. And
I just want to let you know that you're always loved here. Dude, we're going to do these forever,
dude. And if I had a box of love, man, half of it would be yours, brother.
We're going to do that. We're going to do that. We're here with that little baby sheep.
Bro, man. There you are, son.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself on my
side.
Let's go.
And these rills that I've been robbed know They want something that they're damn they're
going to give now they just weren't built to live.