This Past Weekend - E303 Jo Koy 3

Episode Date: October 29, 2020

Jo Koy returns to talk to Theo about meeting strange men at the beach, printing comedy DVDs in their hotel rooms, and their struggles to earn respect in the industry.   New Merch https://theovons...tore.com    This episode is brought to you: Magic Mind: https://magicmind.co and use promo code THEO for 10% off Zebra: https://thezebra.com/theo  Lucy: https://Lucy.co and use code THEO Bridge Credit Solutions: https://bridgecreditsolutions.com/theo    Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn      Hit the Hotline  985-664-9503   Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline      Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw       Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis     See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by Magic Mind and you want to know for a fact that Flow state now comes in a bottle and you can drink it. You can devour it. I like to shake mine and Then have it. Oh Yeah You can check it out Magic Mind.co use promo code Theo for 10% off if you tired of coffee Then try this Today's episode features a beautiful man and this is a comedy man and and he's got so many big things happening in his life I think I'm just amazed. We're even able to have him in here today
Starting point is 00:00:41 And he's a man of comedy and you know him from Netflix and television Ladies and gentlemen my friend mr. Joe Coy I Have been dating a girl on and off for a couple years and then now I think we're not dating So I'm just so are you in your head a lot? Like do you hear words underneath sentences or do you like? It's kind of like paranoia because we're in a certain position now. Does that make sense? Like what do you mean like like okay? Like I know I know that I Like I make a certain amount of money. Okay. I know a lot of people like you know, I mean like it
Starting point is 00:01:48 We're not looked at the same way. This is gonna sound so air. I don't want to sound I don't think you could You could sound arrogant though. I think some people could sound arrogant I don't think it's something that you could do so I think no matter what you say it's coming from a place where it's like Okay, I'm just trying to share what I'm feeling or that that's how I feel so it It hinders my dating life. Really? Yeah, man, and I and I hate it because I my trust is so It's I've been burned a lot. Mm-hmm by you know by Dated and then and then and just like my trust is just so bad like what are you in this for? Why are you with me? Why like there's only one person I really trust and that's my son's mom
Starting point is 00:02:29 She was with me when I had Fucked up teeth when I was working at Nordstrom rack and and boarders was probably doing coke Working at that some Marina del Rey cleaning yachts and then running over to Laugh Factory and doing stage time. So she was there. Yeah, I trust her I don't trust anyone that came after this. That's why it really sucks Do you sometimes I do you feel bad for not like Committing to the yeah to the mom Oh to the law on us. No, I think we both have like a great understanding man
Starting point is 00:03:03 We're if anyone gets a divorce her and I should write a book because we are the greatest divorce couple of all To if my mom and dad could have just done what we did. Mm-hmm. I Mean we'd have a great life right now. Like I like maybe I wouldn't be so PTSD about my my childhood. You know what I mean? Yeah, I wouldn't be so Holding on to certain feelings that I've had, you know with my mom and my dad, you know Yeah, it's damaging man. Like those relationships and then you start to exhibit the same relation you you Exude and and do the same practices that were done to you and I was starting to Theo when we first divorced I was I was being that guy, you know, I'll make it hard for this bitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why yeah struggle bitch
Starting point is 00:03:49 Oh, yeah, I was like, I remember my mom's like you remember how you felt when oh shit I don't want to put that out there But you know, I love my dad, you know what I mean? But they were going through a time and I didn't see my dad and And and I don't ever want my son to feel that feeling. Yeah of the dad not around Yeah, and being a phone dad. Happy birthday son. Like that fucking hurts man. Yeah, and and I see it with you That's why I I don't know what I you know I don't dig into you, but when you do your like your single mom shows. Yeah, that comes from a place, right? Like is it because your mom was single? Yeah, my mom was single. I think yeah
Starting point is 00:04:26 I think sometimes, you know, we just sent some money out to some single miles Well, like every now and then it's right out some check just nothing crazy couple hundred bucks Just you know, but that's so dope But we have like a little group that we kind of try to add to over the time But it's funny cuz I was thinking the other day like why do we do like would it and I think it's just like I Think cuz I I wish maybe somebody had like given my mom some extra money to do something or and not that these women even need it They might all be rich. I have no idea. Yeah, but um, but you're also setting a trend and starting something Like as long as you can plant the seed
Starting point is 00:04:58 Yeah, as long as like, you know, you have a beautiful platform when you speak to a lot of people Yeah, a lot of kids too. And if they see something like that, that's inspirational that that teaches them not to you know Oh Theo did it. I'm gonna do it and that's that's something I didn't have. I don't know how old you are I'm already years old. So I'm older than you not by much but but Enough to like during my time. I think divorce was new. Oh, wow I mean, I think divorce was new and was there shame with divorce then? Yeah, like there was that that's when all the divorce court started coming out and all the divorce shows were coming out and you know I mean, it was all new for everybody, you know and and and and you know, I don't I don't I don't get mad at my dad
Starting point is 00:05:39 I you know, I tell my dad. I love you so much all the time, but Um, I also tell him I understand. Yeah, you know, I mean like it was a different time Yeah, it was a different time. It was like their their role models were like had like drove like um Ford LTD or whatever Yeah, they had a pistol. Yeah, everyone had yeah six shooters with old bullets. It was different Yeah, it was a different time. They always went off because there was no safe That guy right they always had uncles that told dirty jokes Oh, it's disgusting, but they were dirty jokes that they got from a book. Yeah, remember there was a book They used to sell it was like I they used to have like the worst dirty books
Starting point is 00:06:17 I remember going there as a kid and say do you do you know what I'm talking about? I don't remember that I remember I truly tasteless books. Please look it up, Nick Put up Nick when I was a kid. Thanks bud. I remember a kid came to those to the school and this thing called the truly tasteless Jokes and was he hiding it from the adult? Oh, it was yeah It was it was it was like a satanic book. You know what I mean? And we all gathered around during lunch And they all pulled it out and just died died laughing the most crudest nastiest things you could ever We used to have a fella we used to pay to had a dude who you'd pay him a couple dollars
Starting point is 00:06:52 And he would draw you a piece of little crotch at recess this dude Nick, bro I don't know was it Nick was his name. What was his name Nick? I Don't remember this guy's name, but yeah, man for a couple dollars. He sketched you out a beautiful piece And it just looked like it, huh? Bro, and if you had one of those you were good for the weekend, you know You were if you had a couple dollars to get you a little sketch Yes, man, and I remember I used to bike across town to go man. They had this man and he He had a family. Yeah, and I would go over to his house and I was like buddies with his son
Starting point is 00:07:29 And they had pornography up under the sink. Yeah, that's where it was Oh, and I'd bike five miles over to their house on the weekend Did it to go to the bathroom to pretend I was pooping yeah, and I was massive right massive poop You didn't even poop yeah, dude, and I'm just in there Then I had to come out of the bathroom and pretend to be friends with their son for a while Yeah, and then you also had to let your semi go down Oh, cuz just because you're done. It doesn't it's not not as go back to its resting place Oh, it still has a lot of energy
Starting point is 00:08:06 Little life. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're still kind of excited too. You think you could probably do it again Oh, yeah, you're ready. I like I'm just yeah, I'm just wait. I'm like building up steam to get back in there, you know My friend's dad had a stack of magazines in his bathroom, and I always wanted to use his dad's bathroom It was on top of the you know the tank, and it was like sports illustrator sports illustrator And then another magazine mechanics popular mechanics, and then and then the goodies hits only. Oh, yeah jugs jugs Yeah, you just had to use you had to remember what magazine was on top. Yes You had to pull it out slowly be careful any pages
Starting point is 00:08:45 Set it down on the ground set it down. Oh, don't get it wet Yeah, don't get it wet Bro all of the and your favorite and the dad wouldn't have noticed any of that probably unless it was on top as long as you Didn't put it back on top. Oh if you put on back on top. It's done. Oh that the whole mission is done Then you blame it on your friend your friend did it. Yeah, he did it and the dad's like all my friend and my son is a piece of shit Yeah, your son is yeah, I had no idea about these magazines which ones jugs It was about milk. Yeah, we're just gonna go to milk. Is it Instacart? What are you talking about? I clean my son's bed. I had to throw his bed away. He's had this bed
Starting point is 00:09:27 By the way, Theo, you don't have kids, right? No, I don't have any kids I would like to have a kid don't putting that out there, man. Nice. You're gonna love it by the way really? Oh, it's the greatest thing in the world is having a kid the saddest part is when they get old or older They want to throw things away and it's like you're throwing your heart in the garbage So my son wanted to like rearrange his room. He's had this room, you know, there's Michael Jordan stuff everywhere It's bad. It's it's you know, it's from from six to you know, whatever He's got all these things that I bought to and now it's just in the way because now he's into making beats So he wants to clear. Yeah, you want. Yeah, you want that fang. Yeah, man, and I'm telling you I was crying on the inside
Starting point is 00:10:10 But I'm not showing him any emotion. I'm just like, yeah, throw it. Yep. Yeah, let's get that out, man Get that out of your man. Let's fucking get you. Yeah, let's get you a peep a chair. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm crying It kills me bro, but anyways, so I bought him this What is it called Tempur pedic mattress bed, whatever? Yeah, that's right there, but it's a it's a sofa bed So it looks like a red sofa. Well, when you open it's Tempur pedic. It's an amazing Hideaway couch. Yeah, I never seen anything like that. It's amazing Like if you when you lay on it, it doesn't feel like one of those regular couch beds It feels like a bed. He's had it forever, but my son's sick of it, right? He wants it out
Starting point is 00:10:50 So we got rid of it. Damn bro The mayhem that's underneath this bed because there was no way you can move this it was so massive When we finally got the guys to move it and we all looked at the ground and I'm like Joe like a time capsule bro. Oh, what was it? Like all kind of it was socks. Oh, it was Did it feel seeming Kleenex? Did it have a seamenage vibe? everything Everything everything was a DNA episode. Everything was like a
Starting point is 00:11:18 What is that like a CSI episode? It was just everywhere. I took pictures of it video drew a chalk out line around each sock. Oh you sock Yeah, just billions dead. Yeah murder. This is a mass murder Dude, I can't believe and this is something that's probably obtuse but something that's coming soon is that think of all of the Value the nutritional and value that it's in semen if you really think about it Yeah, no shit and people are just just tossing it. Oh, dude, bro It's so much it and then go have some fucking ruffles. You know what I'm saying like the total opposite Some dishes bro, you have you actually have the the the
Starting point is 00:12:01 You actually have the ingredients to make a human And you fucking throw it on the floor and just grab a drumstick You're trying to get the chocolate from the bottom of the cone. You still have a little seed on your head. Oh, yeah Praise God brother. He's what are we monsters and we don't give a shit bro. No Oh Dude, they had this big guy who used to jerk off and you'd bring it on the bus and throw it at the kids when the money didn't Yeah This big red fella this big ginger guy, you know, sometimes, uh, you're you're uh, it's guys are so fast. Yeah, and so
Starting point is 00:12:41 There's so much detail That like you people don't know if you're lying or not. I'm not lying man. I'll tell you are you telling the truth all the time I'm telling the truth probably 95% of the time in 92% these are amazing stories dude in a this handicapped kid Would always try to catch it from him all the time See, I don't know if that's the embellishment. Uh-huh. It's real dude this kid cut days cause the handicapped kids name They I don't know his full name, but it's nickname was thunder cat TJ Thunder cat Johnson dude, and they and he would try to catch semen out of the air He didn't know it was semen. He just thought it was candy thought it was a buddy thought it was a parade
Starting point is 00:13:16 He would like Britannica or bands coming. He was out there, man He was so so the red guy would jerk off in his hand Toss it and then in super slow mo thunder cat Oh, yeah, which is and he had a really chariot to fire music. He had that Chris Carter on him He had some hands on them. I will say that and he sometimes you grab me with grab. He would grab some he catch enough I'll tell you that He catch enough to probably feel good about himself. Yeah, but that's the crazy thing. You know, it's like You know one man's trash is another man's treasure. Yeah, whatever they say. Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's good product right there
Starting point is 00:13:52 But you think about the fact that we're just like, you know people are going to the store and getting all of this Macadamia and oyster. Yeah, you know cream for your and all of it and everybody's just meanwhile They're three kids in the back of the house are just blowing through. Yeah, the best save that God ever made You know, this will get rid of wrinkles Yeah, you know, it's crazy. I was watching something on Ellen, but I feel like we're almost there Oh, I was watching something on Ellen and Sandra Bullock was on and and she and Ellen was like why don't you tell the People why your face is so beautiful and tight and then they said it was from like kids When they get second though the circumcision. Oh that brisk meet
Starting point is 00:14:34 They said that that's in the inside the the the makeup that she uses What and that's why we're going to hell man, that's are you kidding me? Oh That hurts me that That hurts me man Thinking about that. They're cutting it off of people so known as adults too That means there's a back-end business to the the sniffing like he's like, you know This is good for your kid and you know, this will be cleaner for that area So I'll cut it off for this much and then he charges them and then when he gets it his hand
Starting point is 00:15:06 He runs through the back door. I got two. Yeah, I got two. I got two like he's I got two o-rings who needs to do these two o-rings who needs two of that freaking uh, who wants that nine-month calamari, huh? They're doing it to the one so they don't get ripped off Um far far away and they somehow figured out how to extract it's foreskin from a Korean baby There you go And you know what's the saddest oh what and they're saying a nonchalant like what and I'll ask you since you closer to this Really element is why would Koreans be more likely to give it up? Why is that I
Starting point is 00:15:52 My best my best friend was Korean. He he wasn't circumcised. I don't know why I just told you that Maybe he didn't want to sell it anyway. He passed away No, not not not him. He's still alive, but his brother did how'd you know that? I don't know man How did you know that you sounded like he passed away when you first started talking? Oh, no, no He just he held on to his uh, his meat Yeah, I wonder why I Wonder Why that?
Starting point is 00:16:22 They went Korean. How do you get that? I don't why did they go Korea? I'll tell you that's a brother ain't giving it up That's out the gate. Did you tell a brother? We're gonna carve a little bit of your meat off, bro And they're the ones you can spare it. Yeah Meanwhile, they're hitting up a Korean guy who's got the frickin 11th pinky out here and they fucking chopping off 30% on him Bro, damn, let's cut that thing off. I'm gonna make cuff links out of it Yeah, right here now. We're going out to you, honey Those are nice cuff links whether that that's me Make your face nice and tight
Starting point is 00:16:59 Keep you young bitch. Oh, yeah, let's keep we got a question right here from a beautiful couple right here Let's hear what they have to say Yo from one Cajun Asian couple to another you and Joe What do you what Asian type do you think is the sexiest? Gang gang buzz buzz Wow gang. Let me think about that. What type is the sexiest and you're Pinoy your full Pinoy Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, I'm half. Okay. Half white half Filipino. Praise God. What up? Praise God? Yeah, I you know, I'm biased man. I'm gonna have to say Filipino. Yeah, you know, my son's mommy was Filipino Yeah, yeah, you got to say that. You know, I like the mix too. I like I like the mix babies
Starting point is 00:17:52 So I like I like a little bit of white with the little Filipino. Yeah, I like that. Oh, yeah Like an Asian with like a hazel eye. It's like wow. Yeah, that happened like a teriyaki salmon. Yeah Yeah, that's good, right? I think so. Yeah, it's more like Alaska, but it's Japanese. Yeah Japanese Alaska That's good shit, right? Yeah, it's like when you see a white guy doing the limbo, you know, yeah And he's good like his toes moving forward like where the fuck he where did you learn that sir? Don't worry about it, man. It was a cruise Don't tell your mother
Starting point is 00:18:27 Dude, there's something about though like the white dad that crushes the luau that saves the family Yeah, it's and he gets like like like free pineapple or whatever for the for the whole table And he's a king. Yeah He's like, but he was like it wasn't good, but it was so funny Yeah, but it was good enough for them and he doesn't know any better. He doesn't know and they got pictures. Yeah Something we all remember that. Oh, I remember going to the beach man And we got a and you know, we go out during we steal some liquor during the day and go bury it in the sand And then go get it back at night like a you know, like turtles do and so
Starting point is 00:19:06 Then we dig it up at night and go drink it and then we'd meet up with strangers on the beach strange Well, I met this girl that was in the wick and one time witch crafter And me and she wasn't into it. She was in it. She was doing it She was literally walking on the beach in the middle of the night. No man at age 15, dude And we fight I don't know what we did, but we did something man That is always the creepiest story and especially on the receiving end as a kid It's a cool story But when you're a father and your kids come back from the beach saying that shit because my son did it in
Starting point is 00:19:39 In Maui, they came running back in they're like, oh, we met some dudes on the beach. I'm like The fuck what do they look like like what you don't hang out with dudes at the beach? No, they were cool dad No, they're no they weren't yeah, no man homeless talking to 15-year-old kids is cool at the beach That's true man, dude when I think back because when I we had this fellow named Richard Langenstein and the listeners know this and this fellow was eventually convicted or semi-convicted pedophile and But when I was young he was just this cool guy that we went to smoke weed with him and buy steaks Yeah, did you fall asleep a lot? Huh? Did you fall asleep around this guy?
Starting point is 00:20:23 There's a couple of half memories that I have that I don't want to read all the way. Yeah Yeah, I don't go to I don't want to read the second half of the book But he was but at the time we thought it was so cool that he would he drove one of my friends to Vegas for the weekend Right like pretty sketchy right there right there cute religious brother accused of molesting student But this was after and you knew him. Oh, yeah, dude. I used to smoke weed with that fellow man What? He was a teacher at our school, man. He was a teacher. I introduced him like half of my friends So here's what I need to realize man, I was a freaking like a like a penis mule for this guy
Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah, you're bringing them in. Yeah, it is cuz I met him at school. He was a substitute teacher You're like that girl on smallville Allison Mack. Yeah. Yeah, I was a recruiter should be serving 120 years right now The free Galane, dude. Um, but anyway, but at the time it's so crazy at the time how I thought oh, it's so cool It's so normal. I'm just I'm lucky. We met this cool guy. Yeah now when I think about it. Okay. If at 40 I'm smoking weed with a 15 year old. Yeah I'm not doing well, man It would be insane to do that. That's it doesn't even make sense. No It's so wild how from the other side of the that's what I'm saying. It's so clear when Mike want you gotta remember
Starting point is 00:21:43 I'm taking responsibility of all my nephews. Oh, like I've told the their parents. I got it Don't worry. They're gonna be safe and they come running back into the into the the house and they're like, yo We met these dudes man. There's no come here. What? Duncan took a hit like my oldest cut my oldest nephew took a hit. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, what are you guys doing? What's going on? Why would you do that? Yeah, who are these guys? He just disappeared. Yeah Don't get got his nails done by some guy I feel I feel weird if I hang out with Gianni. He's only 24. Yeah, that's a good point
Starting point is 00:22:20 That's eight years that feel weird 15. Yeah, yeah, man If uh, if I get a dm or anything like that, it's always like hey man Uh, thank you so much kid. Yeah, tell your mom and dad. I said hi Yeah, I swear to god. I I don't I Bob-a-bob-a I mean hey tell your father Mr. Coy Says thank you
Starting point is 00:22:42 All right, man. Do your homework. It's sketchy now especially dude. Oh, no I'll ask a girl straight up if they're gonna try to meet to me or not Yeah, you should yeah, just so I have an in writing Yeah You know, yeah, that's good like wait this girl's me to me and said she wasn't gonna meet Yeah, wait a minute. You said clearly you weren't yeah What? Yeah, what's going on here, but I'm gonna go through let me think nick dates an asian girl too
Starting point is 00:23:08 Vietnamese girl. Oh, Vietnamese. They're nice. Oh, yeah, they're not they're firecrackers Yeah, she's she keeps me in line. They've been they've been through a lot. Yeah, they've been through a lot Oh, yeah, so uh, yeah, you gotta watch her you better watch your back on that one. Her parents came by boat Wow, well, yeah, a lot of them did stayed in stayed in hong kong for a while Oh, yeah, and a Vietnamese person they could sleep on a damn in a clan over on a rack of a car I saw I saw a Vietnamese person fall asleep on a whole thing of cans. I'm just recycled cans beautiful every turn was just And didn't wake them up You can't fuck with me my next-door neighbor was Vietnamese and he was the shit man
Starting point is 00:23:49 Talk shit had the thickest accent. Yeah, and was in my face when we played ball, man You can't got me dude. Fuck you dude It's sort of gone. His name was V by the way V Oh, yeah, my next-door neighbor every Vietnamese person's name V and he had hair just like you This is 1983 man. He had this tight sides and then long. He's like, no, fuck you. No Take that take that. No Yeah, dude He was that's where I got my accent from when I do the Vietnamese accent. It's always B. Oh, that's he was so funny, man
Starting point is 00:24:20 Is she funny? Is she funny? She's hilarious. Yeah, I don't know what it is about I I think Theo when it's when you get like, uh Like like when when military presence is is there like does this make sense? Like the Philippines has a lot of military. Oh, yeah back in the day And I think they absorb that culture and that lifestyle and they and they get Uh, you know when you tell a joke they get it, right? You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Like I think so because they probably were like all the a lot of what they probably saw was a lot of american stuff
Starting point is 00:24:52 Yeah, and they hear american humor and the way they talk and like the little Words that we use and and and they get it. Does that make sense? And then they're like trying to translate it, huh? Vietnamese are gangsters. Oh, they're gangster, bro They're like they're gangster business people like Louisiana has one of the largest populations of vietnamese in uh in the u.s We have the only vietnamese um person in the house of representatives The only v yet did not know that is uh Out of Louisiana because all the fishing industry Um, so they come down there hunting shrimp and they stay
Starting point is 00:25:23 Did not know that ah huang ah huang ah huang ah huang cow joseph. He goes by joseph chow. Of course he does dude But would that be pronounced cow cow joseph cow joseph cow? That's a good call. I bet it would my girlfriend helps secure two pounds of weed for boosie badass Yep, we had to pay boosie badass and weed when he showed up. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing That's a great thing, but that's a bs man. Don't get you anything. You need tables. You need wedding Yeah, and they don't give a fuck if the order is wrong. Have you ever seen that? Yeah, vietnamese don't give a shit when I ask every time for my pho That's vietnamese, right pho and I and in fact this just happened
Starting point is 00:25:59 We can call my son to verify this this damn story And uh once again, I asked no cilantro. I can't stand cilantro. It fucks up every meal and I go, please no cilantro No problem. No cilantro. Boom fucking cilantro. Damn I go to cilantro no green. She said okay and just walked off I don't know. That's amazing. Okay. Yeah Okay, well you want me to put my hand in there? Yeah Because that doesn't really go in. I'll take one by one asshole I don't know man. Yeah, there's something more like I don't know
Starting point is 00:26:32 We got white culture gets so a little bit too proper over time Yeah And a lot of these cultures that have had a lot more of a rotgut experience are a tougher upcoming in the past 100 years They really there's so much more humor, bro on that side of bro. I love how you describe that. That's so true, man So much more humor. How'd you say that rut gutted rotgut rotgut? Yeah, it's so true man. Like when you when you go through just Shit And you're only your only form of entertainment is yourself. Yeah, right? Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:27:03 You can only be funny and make fun of yourself, man That's that's why they are who they are man. Like that's why filipinos are like that. It's just That's our former form of entertainment when you're broke and you don't have any money and and you depend on the family to To be the entertainment at the party. Yeah, right? Like I don't know that made sense how you said that No, I think look when you look at a lot of culture, that's where a lot of humor really comes out of you know is uh Is some type of not turmoil really but just I think a place of unrest or not having something where beat where you need to become an instrument As a person you need to become
Starting point is 00:27:42 Funny or become because it's not there. There's not there There's not the other elements that you have to get the entertainment. Exactly. So it's like unless somebody's gonna go rent a vhs You know, which somebody has the money to do once a week. Yep, then otherwise somebody's gonna have to start entertaining Yeah, someone's gonna juggle motherfucker. Somebody's gotta juggle to grab those three balls and do something Parties in two days. That's it. Yeah, that's the truth man I think there's something about that. But yeah, I'm gonna go through them right now Japanese. I've and I've you know, I've long been You know, I'm not enough I'm not anti-Japanese. Yeah, but there I get no
Starting point is 00:28:20 Japanese person. It's hard to know if they care what's going on living to see it. Just like all right, you know I never I can't tell if they've just come from a fire Or if they just got a massage like I just oh you mean their expression. I have no idea. Yeah Never Like I went to a Japanese a buddy of my marriage Japanese girl was at the wedding and I was like, dude, are you sure this girl like you? Like I have zero vibe off of this girl. Really? Yeah, just and I think it's just because if you don't grow up around a certain population You have just have no idea what their expressions are like. Mm-hmm. That's true. Like Filipina is a lot easier
Starting point is 00:28:57 China's they're more gangsters, bro. China's really like the black community of Asia really Chinese people are funny, too By the way, Chinese people Chinese people don't care if they die, bro You'll be walking down the street with like in Shanghai somebody dies They make a soup out of them put a sign up What the fuck bro sell fucking whatever his name was, you know him key soup and it's a fucking It's a funeral lunch and then and everybody goes back to work, bro. Those people keep it moving. Yeah, they don't have time They don't have time, bro. There's 1.9 billion Theo. It don't matter You know what I mean when when when one drops it's like you get to open your arms just a little bit more
Starting point is 00:29:36 You have to do a full stretch three more die. Yeah Oh, so better. There's a sinkhole. Yeah. Oh you fucking finally you can get a nap in yeah they're like The chinese and it's not like we have the luxury of having a little bit of space over here Yeah, you know, we have a lot of space. Yeah, I'm so sick of people going man. It's we're so overpopulated I'm like, have you ever flown from LA? To to to vegas. Yeah, you see all that land You ever you ever fly for like oh ma ha to what's the next date over
Starting point is 00:30:13 Cincinnati, maybe since Cincinnati you ever go to st. Louis to Denver. Yeah Yeah, it's land. Look at all that land. What the fuck are you guys talking about man? It is only populated wherever you live. Yeah. Oh man, there's so many people in Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, go to victorville. Yeah, go to go to needles go to needles You ever fly from san Antonio to Dallas? It's ridiculous. Yeah, so much land. Oh, yeah Yeah, so much land. Stop it. We got we got room. There's not enough people I think more people are starting to spread out now, especially I think during this especially now during this whole
Starting point is 00:30:54 Pandy a lot of people were like, hey, I got a I don't know what this rat race is that I'm stuck in I want to go see About being a human being, you know, I think like places like Utah are getting busier Um, you know, it also states without taxes, you know without state taxes are getting busier too. No way busier You know, I mean, I'm in Vegas now. So yeah, how is that good? Oh, I love it I got a house in Vegas and I mean, I have a house here, right? But I Vegas is where I like to go. I'm always in Vegas. You should go to Vegas. You know what? I would consider it. I think I'm gonna try and national for a little while. Yeah, but then I would consider Vegas
Starting point is 00:31:30 Yeah, the reason why I like Vegas so much. It's it's an hour flight, man. Yeah, you know, you go to national What was that two and a half? Oh, that's more. It's like three and a half hours. Yeah. See that's that's a that's an event Yeah, that's a lot of planning whereas like you live in Vegas. You're living your life and it's like, hey, we need you to do so I'll be there and I'll be there at six. Yeah, that is cool. You know what I mean? It is pretty cool at 11 a.m. You could have a call and decide you need to be there the next morning and at 5 p.m You could take a flight and be done fresh and ready the next day Yeah, that's one thing. One thing that's nice about Nashville is the proximity like you can drive to you want to go perform in
Starting point is 00:32:06 Huntsville. It's two hours away. You want to perform in Indianapolis? It's four hours away. You want to perform in Cincinnati, it's four hours away. Like you just don't really realize how many places You could just go do comedy. Yeah that are within, you know, yeah You could just you know, get on a plane at 11 and and be at your hotel by 2 p.m. I love Nashville by the way It's cool, man. It's interesting. It's completely different. Oh, it's completely different. Yeah, it's it's like, uh, It's like a western version of New York Yeah, like when New York was like that big jazz movement and entertainment movement You know, am I making any sense? I don't know back in the day
Starting point is 00:32:44 You could just go to New York and everyone was playing jazz music everywhere and like jazz was huge I wasn't from that era. I just heard this story from Cosby I see it in you know, like movies and and just like man, I wish I lived during that time Yeah, go to these clubs and all of a sudden this Uh, yeah musicians were just playing and and like, you know what I mean? And you hear all these stories like And then all of a sudden you see I go to Nashville and it was the same thing. Yeah, it was it was like I was seeing I don't like country, but when I'm in Nashville, I love country
Starting point is 00:33:15 Yeah, because I see it. I see those stories come to life that that whole jazz movement in New York I'm seeing in Nashville. I'm walking every bar. There's someone playing someone's playing, you know I went to a brunch and there was a band playing. I got off the plane. There was a band playing. I bought CDs I still say this every time I had this CD from the jinn sisters I don't know if they made it or if they became big Let's look them up their name their name jinn sisters and I got off my plane in Nashville and they Huge crowd wrapped around them. All they had was a speaker an amplifier and two. I think two sisters
Starting point is 00:33:49 I hope they're sisters And they were playing bought their CD But and and that's what live music is and that's what that whole Yeah, there's a lot of live music hungry when someone's hungry, you know, you you buy into that There's that energy, you know, when you see someone just I'm in an airport plane. It's like, yeah, man I'll buy that. What is it? I'll buy it. I love it. I'll support it. Yeah. What about this? Do you find that it's tougher to? recreate that desire as you
Starting point is 00:34:21 Achieve more success and stuff. No, you don't know. I don't wow I don't I'm I'm still thinking of things that I need to do Well, I'm still thinking of things that I need to do. Yeah, but and it burns inside me like I can't wait Wow, mm-hmm. I'm working on this project right now. I don't sleep really. Yeah. Yeah, man fire Like I'm on fire right now and you're you're up for an Emmy right now, aren't you? Uh, it was a uh, it was a people's choice award Wow Yeah, for that for that special and that special that I shot in the Philippines was burning inside of me
Starting point is 00:34:55 For years and for it to come to life the way it did. I was so I was so excited I don't know. I can never explain it to someone what that special meant to me because You know, we live in a time now where you get to watch You get to go online and see whoever it is that that you are like, you know, if you're if you're vietnamese You can go online and and find vietnamese entertainment I'm all kinds of singers whatever right, but Try doing that in 1982 And try and find a Filipino that looked like me doing stand-up
Starting point is 00:35:26 Yeah, when you only had three channels to go from, you know, I thought you were sin bad son a lot of yeah A lot of people thought I was uh, something they didn't know what I was by the way I'm sure because I was a mixed kid. I was a military kid. So, you know, I had the hazel eyes But then there were like Asian looking like people always asked me. What are you? What? But uh Anyways, what I'm getting at is just like That's what that whole thing was like being able to create something to help inspire Other kids that are trying to get into this business, you know, I can only imagine something like that what that will do that fuse you know like, um
Starting point is 00:35:59 I just remember the first time I ever even went and saw a stand-up comedy. I didn't even know you could do it I never I know my brother had like gotten the videos of eddie murphy and stuff, but I didn't know So I was it I didn't know there was like a club thing. Yeah, they wouldn't come watch those with them So I would just hear about it. Um, and I would see uh living color Yeah, but I was in college and somebody took me to the comedy club and there was a man up there I think it was mark gross. Do you remember him? I remember mark gross Um, great joke writer and he's just up there telling jokes and I'm like, this is a job. This is insane. Yeah Um, loved it and yeah, and it just blew my mind that that was the real thing
Starting point is 00:36:35 But I could only and that was probably where the seed comes from So I can only imagine if you're sitting in the Philippines, you know, I wanted to go the Philippines with it I wanted to be able to show the world like, yo, this is the culture. I'm talking about these are our people They speak English. You know, I mean the best people dog. Oh, I've been to the azores islands over there. Um Was this it? Let's hear it What's this this is uh, Theo was asked who what person would he say answer it's related Uh, which person would he send to Be an ambassador to the aliens
Starting point is 00:37:10 And this factual right here is documented information. Probably a Filipino dude. I'm really infatuated about Filipinos They're happy. They're joyous. You know, they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet and um And every Filipino I meet they're real gracious. They do a lot of senior care centers hospice So You don't fucking who else are you gonna send out there, dude? You know what I'm saying? I love it I'm not drunk. I you know, uh, some I need that video. Can you send me that video? It's true, man Oh, I gotta post the Filipinos a lot of in what a lot of people don't realize is
Starting point is 00:37:42 Before you die a lot of the last person a lot of people see is a Filipino person. Man, so true so true That's pretty fascinating when you think about that when you think about whatever scope of god's world that it is That that is the lie. I don't care if you're white or black or whoever Um, there's a pretty decent chance. It's gonna be a Filipino housekeeper. You're going to our housekeeper house Or someone. Yeah, that works in nursing care. Yeah nursing. Yes That's so true, man. So many nurses. That's crazy. Yeah I wonder if that starts to wear. I wonder
Starting point is 00:38:16 What effect that has on the culture over time if it has any you know, it has none Wow, it is literally a part of their DNA Like like I said earlier, man, when you have absolutely nothing like when you actually go to the Philippines and visit it and and and You realize holy fuck, man. I'm spoiled I need to shut up. I need to really not talk when I you know what I mean, like I You go there and you see these kids barefoot and and I remember we were shooting something and this brought a tear to my eye We were shooting something because I wanted to show the guys Uh, just like these monuments, right? And and there was this woman that was you know, she had a cart and she's selling
Starting point is 00:38:56 You know, uh, you know fried food, right? And uh, and then her kid Barefoot and everything Uh, after we bought the food she takes his clothes off and just gives him a bath right there. Oh, yeah Fool on back with a soda With Mountain Dew. Oh, yeah No, but like like full on chart and the kids happy as hell. Oh, yeah, and she's bathing with soap and everything she's doing Cup of water
Starting point is 00:39:22 Dries them off clothes back on he takes off running. It's just another day for this kid. Yeah, but when I saw that I was a Holy shit, man, that's life. That's real life. So it's like, what do you do? What do you do to get out of that? Right? You try and learn to speak English, right? You got to learn to speak English Uh, and then you got to become a nurse. Why? Because everyone needs a nurse. Yeah, everyone needs a nurse. Just like you said Yeah, you got to be of need. Yeah, and Who else to get someone that's willing to do it? You know, I mean someone that speaks English And I need to get out of this situation. So yeah, I'll take care of them as long as last day. Yeah, I'll I'll be there
Starting point is 00:40:01 Wow, I'll make sure that his or hers last days are the best last days ever It's pretty interesting, man Because yeah, it's a lot of I wonder how many people in their lives have been racist or had racist thoughts, you know, especially And even if they weren't their own, they learned them or whatever and and then they're laying on their deathbed or whatever And the person that's there usually that's what's crazy about life, man. Yeah, the person that's there usually Is probably of another ethnicity. Yeah, you know, that's so weird. I never even thought of that Theo. That's so deep, bro It's just interesting about that. You're just laying there and like And life just moves on and you have to at that point you have to inside of yourself think like man, I have to
Starting point is 00:40:43 I can't be hateful because I need this person. Yeah, you know, even if I just need them just to be the last person that's there when I'm gone And I leave just hook me up with a little bit of morphine before I go. Yeah Just say yeah Something just tell whoever comes in the room that I was a decent person. I was a decent. I was a decent man I was a decent man. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I never even thought of that Look, there's no secret There's no secret that Americans have been overpaying for car insurance
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Starting point is 00:42:31 zebra.com slash thEO Spelled the Go save If it's time to quit it's time to quit And I'm not talking about masturbatory activities at the moment. I'm talking more about nicotine Thankfully Lucy nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers
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Starting point is 00:44:08 And you don't have to leave your house because Lucy has delivery down That's right. Go to Lucy dot co and use promo code Theo at checkout. That's Lucy dot co use promo code Theo If you're trying to quit this is a good way to try Feel good about yourself Feel good about yourself Lucy dot co promo code Theo It's pretty interesting, man. We got a white fella right here who's obviously likes the Lakers and we're excited to have him What up Theo what up, Yosef body by bourbon here? I knew from back in the day on Chelsea Handler as one of the panel You were hilarious
Starting point is 00:44:50 I was just wondering if you missed doing those shows or do you enjoy doing stand-up more The Mofongo skit with the cool whip container As a child is easily one of the funniest things I've ever heard No one ever wanted to trade for those Doritos or Oreos, man. It's a shame We're got a Cuban rush shot. Not a lot of Mofongo was sold that day Other than that gang gang. Oh, that's nice Yeah, man, he's just a fan, huh? That's awesome. I I you know, I miss Chelsea I was doing stand-up before Chelsea, but uh, I always tell people, um, she was the new Johnny Carson
Starting point is 00:45:27 You know when Johnny waved you over to the seat that meant you made it Yeah, and I felt the same way with Chelsea If she invited you to that pound you you slayed man, you made it like they came to see you Wow, I was so nervous the one time I went. Yeah, man, too nervous. I couldn't handle it. I didn't really Yeah, I think I was never a big Chelsea fan and then it was just it was just I was just nervous It was like the only thing going on for a lot of comedians. Yeah, you know, I mean you guys were like Top of the heat, you know, you guys were you guys were getting on television every week and every day Every day we were every single day we were on which was crazy. Did you they thought we were a cast?
Starting point is 00:46:08 Yeah, people thought we were a cast. I felt like I was on a prime time sitcom. That's how I felt It was crazy. That's wow. Yeah, it was it was nuts, man People were coming out for those shows, man I was always so uptight and then I was I just was not a Chelsea fan. So I just I think that made me nervous She was kind of intimidating that made me nervous. I was just kind of nervous at that time. Yeah, I think I just wasn't Being myself really, you know, I was like, all right, how do I look am I okay? Does my ass, you know, is every are my eyes open like just thinking about all these other things Yeah, just being funny. Did you here's a cool question. Did you did you know who you were yet?
Starting point is 00:46:48 Like I feel like and it's just me talking. I feel like when you started doing After your last special and then you hit the pod right after the last special. Yeah I felt like that's when Theo became Theo. Yeah, like I feel like your voice really just Like cut right through after that. I feel like during Chelsea. I think you were still in that stage of I'm funny But I I don't know in my right. Oh, yeah, totally. I don't know what I am. I don't know what I'm doing I'm trying to be like a white guy that could be on a sitcom. Yeah, I just didn't know what I was doing Yeah, you knew you were funny. I was afraid to be myself. I think you know, I was afraid You know, there's not a lot of acceptance of southern style comedians really there's not a lot of southern
Starting point is 00:47:33 Since the blue collar tour, there's not even and I don't consider myself a southern comedian But I don't think anyone does they don't have that they just haven't really taken anybody from our area even Yeah, so like I don't even like that that label by the way to be honest Like I don't like it when people I would never want to lay like I would never label Theo as a southern comic You're just a comedian and you're really fucking funny Um, just like when people go, oh funny asian american. It's like, bro I'm just a comedian man. Yeah, you know, I mean like there's no difference from Me and you we're funny for what we talked about. Yeah, you know, I mean and and you know
Starting point is 00:48:12 I think there are different genres of comedy You know, I mean there's a puppeteer and then there's a dancer and then there's a magician and there's political and there's All kinds of shit that you can you can separate us by yeah, but But we're storytellers man. We're just we're comics that tell our stories. Yeah, I like that. That's a good point Yeah, I never really felt into that space kind of but I think I always felt like I had to fight this label or something I think a lot of the war wasn't may possibly even in my own head, you know, but um, no, it was you were right Because I felt the same way with me I felt like I don't understand why you guys are making me fight for this. It's obvious. I'm funny
Starting point is 00:48:49 Yeah, so that's why I love Chelsea so much because she saw it right away when You know, I used to open for John Lovett's and then can I tell you this story? No, I didn't know I used to open for John Lovett's at the Laugh Factory and this is when I'm cleaning yachts and selling shoes at Norsham Rack I remember I was going to Norsham Rack and I look at my phone It's just a number and it's and I answered and it's like hi it's John Lovett And I'm freaking out because I used to impersonate him in school You know, I mean the liar and all that stuff, you know, all those jokes Yeah, yeah, and then uh, and then here he is actually on my phone
Starting point is 00:49:19 He was like, I really I've been watching you at the Laugh Factory and I really want you to open for me You'd be hysterical I'm doing a show. I'm doing a show every Wednesday night Love it's Wednesdays or some shit. I don't know love it or not Or some shit. I'm trying to make shit up and then uh, so I was like, yeah And I started doing these shows with him And next you know, this is a true story. You're gonna love this. This is such a fucking weird thing You ready, Nick? I don't know if I told you this story
Starting point is 00:49:48 But he goes he goes I'm gonna start I'm gonna start This is so funny. I'm gonna start putting this uh, lady on the show. Her name is Chelsea Handler She's so funny. She's my only friend on my space What the fuck He goes when you go home Go to your my space. She's my only friend her and tom And I went home and it was literally tom and her and that's when I found out who Chelsea was and she started doing these shows
Starting point is 00:50:19 And after every show she would she would talk so much shit So while John's on stage, she's just talking shit. And then she was like, I want you to be my sidekick I got this show idea and we're pitching the show And uh, and I want you to be my sidekick. And so I was pretty much supposed to be chewy Wow Yeah, and and then uh, and then I turned it down Bro, we went through all kinds of like, you know, like like meetings They weren't like full on production meetings, but it was like ideas and
Starting point is 00:50:47 Going through the meetings and getting ready for the pitch and then finally I was just like, uh I go, hey Chelsea. I called her on the phone. I was like, yeah, I just I really want to be My guy like I don't want to be a sidekick. I'm trying to find This I want to do my own special. I wanted blah blah and she cursed me out, bro Damn, oh good luck with that fucking shit. Watch this blah blah. She just cursed me out She's like, this show's gonna be a fucking hit. You made the wrong fucking decision and then she hangs up the phone. I'm just like, oh In six months later, Chelsea lately just blowing up. Wow. And I'm at Nordstrom Rack And I I remember my ex-wife picking me up and uh while she's driving me home
Starting point is 00:51:24 She's like, I'm recording this show right now. We got to get home. This this lady. Chelsea Hanlon She's so funny. Have you seen it? And I'm like, that's the fucking show I was supposed to be on And uh, and I remember I was so depressed And uh wondering why you know why I said no to it and uh for six months I didn't get a call from and then finally she called me But but anyways what I was getting at like I feel I feel like I'm always fighting to tell people I'm funny. Yeah, Chelsea was the only one that said yes and and and it was funny because it was just like
Starting point is 00:51:57 Comedy Central's passing on me. ABC turned me down. You know, I got on this one pilot. They fired me and it's just like Like what is going on? Why don't I have an hour yet? Like I don't understand. Why don't I have an hour? I'm crushing on the road right now. Why don't I have an hour? So Yeah, I feel you man. I just like what is it that you're not getting is it because you guys don't get it because The country gets it right. Why aren't you guys getting it? So Wow, man, did you feel did you feel that way when you were shooting your shit? Yeah, I mean, I guess I felt I started to get upset like you go into a lot of rooms in LA And it's a lot of the same person when you go in there whether or not the industry wants to really admit it
Starting point is 00:52:34 I feel like it's always it's usually like a really liberal person. It's just and that's fine It's just always the same person. Yeah, so it's like at a certain point. I'm like Well, how can any of these people have any like at a certain point? There's just too much of the same They're just looking through too much of a similar lens. Even if they don't just like if I went into a place and it was all Um Like redneck women or something at a certain point I'd be like This is just too there's too much of a monopoly on the point of view. Yeah, exactly at a certain point It's just like I'm just like a salmon, but the water's too thick man. It's just like
Starting point is 00:53:12 This you know and it made me feel like but it also made me feel like really unwanted It made me feel how I felt and it made me mad because it was like man I You know you supposed to you're telling me that I'm supposed to come out of my small town and get to hollywood And this is where you can make it and this is but then I get there and it's like You don't want any nobody like me. You don't want anybody like me. Yeah, and I think it was also like around Um, I mean, I think I kind of made my switch for things Like right around like the last election
Starting point is 00:53:44 And it was like, um, like somebody wrote an article about my special where it was like, uh Oh, this guy would be a perfect. This is the trump's perfect special. You know, and it's like, don't you see this is a character? This is like, yeah, don't you have any satire? Like what a fucking idiot, right? Yeah, you know, like It just I don't know man. I just felt so turned off by such a A industry that was supposed to be welcoming to everybody And then it felt like oh not everybody. Yeah, not everybody you're you're so right and then I then they put you in that Oh, there you are Yeah, and then it's like doesn't already have a favorite stand-up comedian
Starting point is 00:54:20 He may find his kindred spirit in the ovan and that's just fucking I mean, what an asshole And this guy's long been a shitty writer. Yeah, I mean he doesn't have a career And then you know what else don't shout this guy out by the way And then uh, you know, I mean like you shouldn't even put it up because you just you're giving them energy Yeah, which is stupid because obviously this guy is desperate And he was always desperate and he would always write about like the soup like schumer He would always and they would always make fun of him behind his back. That was the craziest thing Yeah, I've always been like, oh, he's such a loser and he's why meanwhile just peddling to write whatever article
Starting point is 00:54:51 Yeah, I'm like just the whole industry kind of made me a little bit sick, but that's when I started doing podcasting and That's like when tfatk had me on. Yeah Um Rogan had me on you guys had me on over there when you were working at corolla studios. Yeah, you crushed Um, just different and that's when you found it, right? Yeah, that's when I was like, oh, I'm just gonna talk about stuff that I know about I'm just gonna talk about just my life And you know what's you know, what's cool is like as as much as that pisses me off, right? But I'm kind of glad that
Starting point is 00:55:21 That happened. Yeah, you know, I mean, especially with netflix like I told you the story, right? I had to pay for it Yeah, you had to do your own Yeah, and like I did not understand why I had to pay for my own special Like I I remember backstage after I taped the first show Me and my agent my manager and I'm just like this is so unfair. Like I was so mad like this is this is bullshit Like I don't get it like I would have made me mad. Yeah, because it's like, you know, because Say, oh, by the way, they already said when I when I said I was shooting in Seattle Uh, they made sure to call and go. Hey, we just want you guys to know we don't we're not interested like they really
Starting point is 00:55:56 Wanted to make sure that we knew that So like just imagine the pressure, bro And like and my son's laying on the couch in the green room. I'm broke after this special I'm I'm done all the money that I saved up done And then I was just like this is bullshit. Why why do I gotta fight and sell this and then they still yeah And then you have to then you have to put it on their network. How much did they well here? Oh, hold on. I don't want to get fired from Netflix I love Netflix. Yeah, uh, don't get me wrong
Starting point is 00:56:24 It wasn't their fault right, you know, I mean, it's just the uphill we're talking about it was the uphill It was the obstacle they they were they were booked. They're just they were legit. They were legit built and who's to say who's to say Because I I use this example all the time, right? Like it's like you can't get mad at someone that's responsible for Billions of dollars, right? Right and they hire certain people like all right, you get you get 50 million I want you to buy a bunch of talent Yo, it's their job to write these checks right and say my my special flops, which I knew it wasn't but say it did They're the ones that get in trouble So it's like imagine if I had a couple million dollars and someone goes go find me some time like
Starting point is 00:57:04 That's a scary job and I get it and I do understand that and I know I'm making excuses, but I'm also happy that they they didn't Give me a special Because I went and shot that thing myself and I went on to shoot three more on my own for Netflix and and the The two that that I shot after that they gave me the money Like they literally just gave me the money. I said here here. We're all in just you shoot it You did so good on that first special. We don't want to touch it. Yeah, they gave me full creative control Wow, so it's like
Starting point is 00:57:36 Yeah, it was fucked up with the obstacle that they gave me but when I show them that I could do it and give them a good product They bought three more from me, right? So it's like yeah, it's so great. Yeah, it's like you just got to get that scaled a tip. You just yeah And maybe that's what it was with you Maybe it's like yo you keep getting pushed up against the wall and then finally you're like, yo fuck it I'm right here I'll just do this is what I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do me right here. Yeah, and then you look what you did now
Starting point is 00:58:01 Now everyone's on you and now we have it. Yeah, now we have a new special that we're doing with netflix, which is cool but um Yeah, I feel you I think it's just like I don't know sometimes it did just seem like the journey like the the struggle was easier for other people But but it's like that's man Feel yeah, I can we both know yeah And it made us it did make us bad Because I I know who you're talking about. Yeah, it's not fair. We we try Yeah, we came up at the same time. Yeah, so you and I both saw, you know, certain comics and we're not hating on them
Starting point is 00:58:34 We're not but We just knew that we there was an obstacle and it wasn't fair. Yeah Because I know what you're talking about because there was I would watch a special go. What the fuck really? fucking really But I wouldn't go public with it. I wouldn't be like, yo fuck this. Oh, I always have to bite my tongue But but I knew it doesn't yeah, but but I knew But I knew my time was coming
Starting point is 00:59:00 I knew it And if I had to make it then I had to make it and I'll still make it dude. They gave me another one by the way They just I just signed another deal for my fourth That's crazy and and and I'm ready and they want me to shoot now and I'm like, no I know exactly when I'm gonna shoot it and I know exactly where I'm gonna shoot it and that's where it's gonna be Dang that creative control is so important, right? Yeah Oh, yeah, and that's one thing. It's nice about netflix is that they give you that. Yeah Shout out to all of them. By the way, I just want to do that robbie prod neil joann
Starting point is 00:59:32 They they man robert gay. I'm like, yo, they are amazing over at netflix Yeah, and uh and yo and I always say that, you know, I what I just told you right now I did on stage in malaysia, right? I was doing this huge venue in malaysia And I and I told the whole netflix story about how they didn't give me the The deal and how I tried to get them to come down and they kept canceling, you know come to this show I'll I'll fly you out. I even I told my manager. I'll fly them to san francisco I'll leave the jet running come watch my set We'll we'll shuttle them back to the jet and fly back like I wanted that special so bad, bro
Starting point is 01:00:09 And they kept turning it down and I was like, I don't get it like why why don't you want to see what I'm doing right now? No, like I was really hurt by it and I was saying this on stage and then I you know And then ended the story by saying hey I shot it myself and then they bought it from me. So what I'm trying to say is don't let obstacles get in front It's like an inspirational story, right? Yeah, and then they were there And I had no idea that uh one of the execs was there And he was in line and and he came and you know the meet and greet and my fucking heart Fell out of my chest. Oh, that would be hectic and I'm like, yo, I don't want to say his name, but uh
Starting point is 01:00:48 I go why I go, you know that I you know I I'm just telling my side of the story and you know But as you can tell like I gave you guys love it that he was you know, you don't need to explain He goes, I want you to tell that story. He goes, please tell that story In fact, do that story on your next special on netflix tell that story. Yeah And I like he was cool there and and when he said that I just hugged him and I was like, thank you I just you know, there was just a lot of struggle that I was going through a lot of tears You know what I mean? And yeah, there's nowhere to put it all a lot of times
Starting point is 01:01:20 No, nowhere to put it except in your work. Nobody wants to hear like a lot of the You know the sob story just doesn't really there's no real place for it. There never is in the world. It's like All of your what do you think that is Theo? What do you think it is that people don't want to hear the sob story? It was not even sob story. It's an it's an emotional story, it's a great grind Like when people hear like what you just said to me like I didn't know that about you I didn't know you were struggling through that. I really didn't I I always looked at you
Starting point is 01:01:51 as the guy That was like Killing it and it was kind of making me jealous because I knew I had like at least 10 years on you Yeah, you know what I mean, but I never said that I every time I told you I praised you I was posting you're always super nice. Yeah, because I because you're funny. You're really funny and and um But it inspired that inspires me like when I see someone blowing up that inspires me that's like, okay, it's possible What is it that people don't want to hear is it because they don't want any motivation? Do they not want to be inspired? Did they like being where they're at?
Starting point is 01:02:25 Does that make sense? Yeah, I think it makes sense. That's a good question, man. I think There's I think the motivational side of it. There's there's a place for it. There's a place to share your struggle There's a place to share what happened and what it was like and your point of view Yeah, I think what there isn't a lot of times is there's no Here's what there isn't there's never an apology. Yeah, there's never like and From the industry from whatever your your idea in our heads of what the industry is what? How there's never like hey, I'm I'm sorry. We didn't you know, yeah, there's never
Starting point is 01:03:02 And I think that sometimes like can be like it's just an unforgiving business. Yeah, there's no apologies There's no whatever, you know, and and it's in the end. It's it's just what I've learned about business That business is just you know, like you said it's somebody in an office who You know, finally Robby Pratt came and saw me downtown at the Wilton And we crushed it and it was like and he was really great gracious backstage and like really kind and like Um, and it was different like you know in my head. I'm always thinking like oh these people don't like me or they don't you know you know and
Starting point is 01:03:42 But all that's just my side of the story. They're just doing business. They're not thinking about me Yeah, just thinking about whatever they have to do that day in their business. Yeah, like anybody else Yeah, but there's never an apology. That's I think there's never it's like that about a lot of things in life like there's never You know, there's never like you're maybe your dad behaved a certain way when you were young There's there's no way to get a Like a healing from it. Sometimes there's just never a healing. You have to do it all yourself. Yeah, you have to like Just forgive, you know, even if you made the war up in your own head or whatever you have to forgive you have to forgive you have to There's never that moment of like
Starting point is 01:04:22 Hey, we were wrong, you know, and I don't know if that's one thing about life. That's kind of tough sometimes is um You know, because I struggle with my relationship with my mother and I but at a certain point It's like what am I gonna do how like, you know, she's an older. She's getting older now. It's like all I can do is be forgiving you know just I may never get whatever it was I needed her to you know to say or to do that The ship may have long sailed, you know, and we are the same person, man Yeah, you're so right about that and it's hard. It's a hard pill to swallow too. It's a hard pill to swallow
Starting point is 01:04:57 Eagle's a motherfucker, bro. It's scary, bro Look, I want to tell you that I have been having an issue getting uh home mortgage loan and refinance And one of the reasons because I got a couple of dings on the credit You know, I call experience. Hey boy, you're danged up. You're banged up son. I didn't make a couple payments on time Timely payments they say Well, thankfully I'm working with a company called bridge credit solutions
Starting point is 01:05:26 They are different They are back to the hundred percent money back guarantee for any items. They cannot remove That's right. You will not find that anywhere in the credit repair industry You'll know exactly what you're paying for at the beginning of the repair Bridge credit solutions prides itself on its lightning quick turnaround time They will guarantee removal of certain negative items in as quick as 24 hours That's right Now you will need to have bridge credit report access
Starting point is 01:05:59 Prior to scheduling your audit. They cannot go over your credit report without it. But that costs just one dollar They are very personable and they take credit repair seriously. You can call or text no matter the hour Go check them out. They're helping me bridgecreditsolutions.com Slash theo I see with a lot of these like athletes too. You see I'm struggling with ego, you know, antonio brown and You know, michael thomas is having an issue this year. It seems like with the saints just like the hype and the You know, just what I mean, that's a separate avenue
Starting point is 01:06:35 But just what that does to us thinking about ourselves and Well, it's not us thinking what I meant by ego is like Just being a little too prideful where you're like, right? I know I'm right And until you say sorry Then we can just not talk. Yeah, right. Is that what we're saying? Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, that's a good point Yeah, it's like until you figure out your side of it. Yeah, but then sometimes it's like you're holding a a grudge it's never That that's never gonna be it's never gonna be completed from the other side
Starting point is 01:07:06 Yeah, so then it just leaves you sitting there with the pieces and it's like, okay Well, what are you gonna do? You're gonna keep cutting your wrist with these pieces. Are you gonna fucking? You know, you're gonna make them into like a stained glass window and fucking move on, you know, it's like um But it's hard and sometimes you'll make the window and that bitch will fall apart again and you'll fucking get them back out So true It's crazy on the ground again. It's so beautiful for a minute. Yeah Yeah For a weekend it made sense. It's back on the fucking ground. It's gonna take me months to fix
Starting point is 01:07:38 But then also it's like you don't really like I think you don't realize like that you're the story for people a lot of times Like man, Joe Coy made had to make his own had to convince these people like Had to and to me it would be the most obvious thing like, you know, it always seemed like they're making they're looking for diversity They're looking for You know, who else what other what are they gonna get? Many packy out of fucking tell jokes like he can't even hold the mic on the gloves. It's crazy. I see them. I see them I kept slipping this microphone It needs to be stickier
Starting point is 01:08:10 So it's like what was their plan? How do they and then and then the gift you also give them by reaching this audience? Yeah, man like fuck, bro. That's a huge gift And so it's hard sometimes to feel when you've been burned to then turn around and realize that now you're just Gifting You know Even more of You know of an audience to this already huge, you know conglomerate, but that's just I'm just happy that That you and I live in that time where we got to show
Starting point is 01:08:42 These kids that hey you got to open these doors. Yeah No matter how people did it, huh? People also did it by coming to see us by not giving like fans. That's what it is Support, you know, yeah, man people are like, I'm gonna go see Joe Coy make this special because I know that he brings joy You know to me or I'm gonna go be there at the Wilton and have a great time and all those people don't realize that All of that goes into That moment where like the executive finally says, oh, okay. This is a new piece of business for us Exactly because that's how they see it. You're so right man. It's just It's tough when art and
Starting point is 01:09:21 In your heart me, you know when when when art and business meet each other. Yeah, it's just it's a It's just a tough thing man. It is here's a fella right here who has a Once to chime in. Yeah, he looks like he's been growing a baby hair mustache for a long time. Oh, yeah, this guy definitely What's up, Joe? Hey, what's up, Troy living, Ohio? I just got home from work long day at the office a question to you two is How do you stay positive knowing that your dreams are pretty much in the gutter? you had to cash in that corporate check in order to
Starting point is 01:09:55 pay for some bills and Didn't end up Getting that dream, you know, both you all are standard comedians both of y'all do your thing But for those others out there people like me What have you got to say so we can keep on trucking Man that how crazy that you press play to that video after we just said this and that's just like Nick's on point man. Nick's on Nick's does a great job, but um Man, like there's a lot of people like out there that think like that, you know and like yo
Starting point is 01:10:27 It's it's it's done for me. Did you think like that at a point? So take us there and then take us out of there Bro, when I was working at um At Norsham Rack, I swear and Tony rock just got a deal with uh, some I forgot what the show was But it was being produced by will Smith And you know and we're doing the laugh factory every night and I'm at Norsham Rack. I'm crushing every night, bro I'm wearing waiters outfits. I got mustard and shit on my chest and I'm crushing You know alongside Tony and dain and bob sag it like I'm fucking slaying, bro But then I'm shelving shoes and I'm trying to buy diapers and I'm just trying to make these DVDs to sell and barely shelving shoes
Starting point is 01:11:09 I'll be honest at Norsham rack. Yeah, man rarely. You get a match Rarely and by the way, when I say shelving shoes, I'm just grabbing the shit That's on the floor and throwing it back on the rack. Oh, I've left in a sandal in a boot. Oh 100 Easily oh man when they always came to ask me for a size. I go back there. I literally went back there to not look for that fucking size I gave two shits. It was a five minute break for me and then I came back down and like I can't find it I think someone that tried it on left it out there Good luck. You just see this bitch like what my god. Can someone pick up these fucking shoes? There's so many It was like supermarket sweep for your feet. I feel like in real that was just insane
Starting point is 01:11:52 I remember I was walking down the aisle because I had to pick up shoes and put them in a trash can And then you fill up the trash can then you re restock it right as I'm going down each aisle There's a lady that had a shoe on and it didn't work and she just kicked it and we both our eyes locked I'm like you bitch and then she's like I'll get it. I'm like, yeah, bitch. Go get it And won't you get the rest? You're the reason for this mess You bitch. She's just in there just Ursula footwear. Yeah. Yeah, she's just trying them on and kicking them off Oh, but um, but what I was seeing is uh, dude, there was times where I wanted to quit man
Starting point is 01:12:28 I just wanted to quit. I was I was getting so mad You know, you see all these guys just getting stuff man, and you're just like, dude, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Even my mom was telling me just get a full-time job already Like your son's getting older now and not older, but he was like two But she's like you got to start thinking about you know school. What kind of school? What kind of insurance are you going to get your son? Like you don't have a job like you're working part-time like like and that shit is in your ear But it's also like reality. You're like, yeah, I got to start thinking about my son
Starting point is 01:13:02 Maybe I'll go be a manager at a bank or something like I'll throw in the towel. I don't know So yeah, a lot of that was happening, but I was like, no, I refuse I couldn't do it man. I just kept selling to I you know, I shot it. There's an hour special floating out there I know someone has it, but I remember paying someone 500 bucks or something like that For like three cameras that go shoot me somewhere And I was going to sell that as my special because everyone else was getting specials and I couldn't get one I was like, I need a special and I went and shot it was like somewhere on Sunset Boulevard some Art museum or something like that and I went and shot it
Starting point is 01:13:39 And it's out there. Yeah, it's it's floating out there somewhere man. That's awesome. Yeah That would crush if you got your hands on that. I know crazy, right? Yeah, I'd sell I find that and sell that Crazy, right? Um, you know, I used to burn DVDs and my friend Chris. Oh, yeah Did you buy the three disc tower and you burn them like that? Yes. I did that too, dude I'd cart that thing. I'd put it in my but I'd put it in my in my bag Take it to wherever to fucking loony bin or whatever set that bitch up in the hotel What and fire and burn those things all burn them name of the of the DVD on it
Starting point is 01:14:11 Dude, some of the sketches on it. They weren't even fucking mine. They were the shit. I found the internet Dude, all that's funny. That's so funny. Oh, totally bro. There was some shit Some of it was just like this black guy singing dude. There was like, I don't even know what this shit is Bro, how funny is that? Yeah, you buy it. Theo's favorite things to watch That was the name of your DVD Hey guys, I'm Theo Vaughn. These are some of the funniest things I like to watch. Thank you for buying it Dude, one time a lady, uh, I should I just sold her the case on accident and she got home and came the next day Oh, there was no no DVD in it broke my heart man
Starting point is 01:14:50 And I would print off down in the in the lobby of the business area I would print off like all the little DVD inserts and put those things in man. So funny. You want to know what I did? I uh, my friend Chris worked at blockbuster video And you know, this is they would buy DVDs, right? But it would be sony and all that, right? The the covers But they wanted their covers to say blockbuster on the inside of it So they would take those covers and throw them away and replace those covers with uh, blockbuster covers and they would have garbage bags full
Starting point is 01:15:24 bro I had thousands of blockbuster like whatever those covers. You know what I'm talking about Yeah, yeah, there's cases. I had cases. That's what they're called. I had so many of those, man That's classy and that's and that's what I I put my sleeve in that it looked like a legit DVD, bro That's awesome. I even scanned a barcode and it's in the bottom right corner. No, I'll I'll send you a picture of it I but I think it's like it's probably soup. Yeah, if you scan it or probably say Campbell's I'm not even joking I even got the logo that said DVD and I put it on the on the spine of the thing
Starting point is 01:15:57 Yeah, I went got those printed off at a legit printing company It said joe coys dvd volume one because jay-z had a volume one I sold those for five bucks a pop But you buy a stack for a hundred bucks, right? Yeah It was a stack for a hundred bucks You get a hundred dvds and I sold them for five bucks a pop man after profit. I mean your profit was 400 Oh, you could make yeah, dude if you were making some money, man, because you you didn't make any money going to do the I don't know. You never made money on those weekends. You know, I remember I went 20 over about 10 years
Starting point is 01:16:33 I had 27,000 I think in credit card debt just from Doing the road, you know, and it was just Man, that was scary. That was that was pretty scary. It's rough But I think with having a dream or how you bounce back into it, man I think one thing that's interesting about these days is You can you can start so many new things like you couldn't back in the day Yeah, you know, like rarely back in the day did someone go from being like a realist like a minor in a coal mine Like a real estate. Yeah, you know, but you could do fracking now and then two months later. You could be mixing beats like
Starting point is 01:17:08 You'd be DJ weddings and I think there's unique ways you can find to create talent and create like some type of revenue for yourself if you want You know what I said the other day? Um With all the tools that these kids have now, right? They have so many tools man. You can make your own book You can make your own magazine. You can make your own movie in the palm of your hand. It's getting easier Legit your own movie your camera is legit this close to being a red camera. Yeah, like it's the quality so good and everything's in the palm of your hands
Starting point is 01:17:41 And what I'm trying to say is if you're not doing something because you have an excuse because you need something else You're literally just lazy, right? And that's that's your only problem It has nothing to do with what you got or how much money you got or Or uh, I need this or I need that you are literally Lazy you're a lazy person and that's the only thing you need to work on And you can and that and that's something that can be kind of cured, you know And not even to look at it like also maximizing your laziness. Yeah, man You know, like if you're gonna be lazy be lazy, but also have some semblance of a plan of when you're not gonna be
Starting point is 01:18:18 Yeah, man But yeah, I think I feel like you know, your dreams can change at any time. I mean nick was a Generic gambler. Yeah and a drunk nick. Yeah, thank you nick dropped out of school. I'm both of those things still so yeah Yeah, I want you I want everyone to know I I know nick as well Well, he was over at Corolla and and he would roll up and go amen Uh, the trunk of my car is missing. Where is it? It's behind a bar Yeah, and then when I did get fired. Yeah, Theo likes to say pick me up off the free agent Oh, yeah, he was on cbs sports fantasy. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 01:18:54 He was always great, man. Nick was always great. Yeah Yeah, Nick's one of a kind man. He's a unique guy. He's a degenerate gambler But nick was living in his car and nick went to Vegas to play cards He's It's close. I played I played full-time online poker after college and I dropped out But then separately I just quit my job full-time job in Minneapolis and drove out here and lived in my car until I got The internship at Corolla and he he hired me full-time, but like literally to work in podcasting So I think there's ways. Yeah, there's just like I think there's different times in your life, too
Starting point is 01:19:27 When it is tougher like this gentleman saying, you know, you know, you know, he might be at a different point in his life You might have a wife or kids from responsibilities. You might have a family member you responsible for taking care of There's a guy Justin McClure. Were you looking him up real quick on facebook? so he's a comedian and uh, he ended up getting married and he has two daughters and now they have a Uh, like a facebook live show That's like a really popular show. Really and if and he just You know, we worked together a couple of times really really nice guy hard worker um
Starting point is 01:20:01 And he just kind of figured out how to make something Work for him and now they have like a family show that yeah, you know that helps bring in revenue for their family and stuff like that and It's on really it's on facebook That's cool, man. When you travel down that path and you stay on that path It eventually works out it works out for something I think like sometimes you don't know where where the path is going to go and that's the hardest part Like knowing like because I I used to do this thing called crank text and where I would just text strangers, right? Like just text random phone numbers. Yeah, and I would just say hey, what's up, right? Yeah
Starting point is 01:20:35 And then I get into a conversation sometimes And somebody would think I was an old friend or something. Hey, is this randall and it's like, yeah I haven't heard from you in a while and then next thing you know I'm asking if I can come stay the night and it's like, you know I'm in this crazy conversation that makes no sense, right? It's not even real. Yeah Like I was in relationships with people like no, oh bro crazy stuff crazy stuff So, I mean I texted probably about 40 000 numbers over a couple of year period. Are you serious? Dude, I was so lonely
Starting point is 01:21:01 I would text I would text batches. Wait, this is when you were on the road or you were just you were just doing this This is all the time. You did bring up crank text in it. This was all the time Um, I would just start texting strangers. Yeah, I just got into it and sometimes I would uh Just texted just a group of people, you know, just crank text dot com um Do you renew this domain every year? I think so Let's just see if it's still up
Starting point is 01:21:32 So obviously it needs to be adjusted here for the screen somehow But yeah, you get into different conversations like I would text people in a certain area could like in indiana and I'd be like we're raising money for uh, civil war reenactments after school team, right? And you get into real conversations people start leaving your voicemails and next thing, you know You have this whole conversation then you can take it and you post it in here, right? So you get in a like, you know, this one was one I would text. Thank you for what's that the helman's one Thank you for entering the love your helmets contest will be contacting you once the judges have reviewed all entries Good luck and thank you for loving your helmets
Starting point is 01:22:06 So you just send that to strangers and people are like, what in the fuck are you talking about, dude? Or you send them a picture, you know, oh helman's man And then they have to reply just so you anyway, but anyway, I got into insane conversations I would text a group of people and I would be like, oh ricky one third place And I would get a picture of an asian kid with a trophy and just send it to all of them in a mass text, right? And so somebody would be like who's ricky, right? And somebody would be like take me off this chain, right? And somebody would be like, oh bless his heart, man
Starting point is 01:22:34 And then somebody else would be like who in the fuck is this man? And I'd be like if some of you guys cared if you had been there you if you cared more you'd have been there to see him win, right? Yeah, so anyway, I get in this crazy conversation with people and I would just save him and put him online. Anyway, fast forward That was your idea, right? That was my idea, right? This is probably a decade ago So howie mandel was looking for somebody to host a prank show. Yeah, so I had done this for years, man I'd spent a ton of money paying people to add it them up um spent a ton of time a ton of time and
Starting point is 01:23:07 He's like, oh, I like your prank website. And so that's how I got a job hosting this prank show So he saw it. He saw it. Yeah. And so it was like I'd spent all this time doing it and it wasn't getting anywhere. Yeah, I just didn't have the PR to make it pop and uh And then it got me a job on his show and it was it wasn't it was you know It wasn't like my type of show really but I was a great opportunity It gave me enough money where I was able to then to pay back the comedy debt that I built up Yeah, and you also have a relationship with howie and now I still have a relationship with him. Yeah, which is great
Starting point is 01:23:42 So which then introduced me he got me on like our senior hall one time to perform Just little things. So it's just like you just don't know what what you're doing now where it could end you up Sometimes yeah that yo and when you give up on that it's it's gone or when you stray off that path Yeah, you know, I mean and go off into a different direction and if your heart isn't that way It's nothing's gonna happen. Right. Yeah, your heart has to be there though Your heart has to be here and whether no matter how bad the struggle is as long as your heart Is there things will happen. I I keep saying that like every time I Go on this road something just
Starting point is 01:24:20 Just comes into into my path It just it just happens, you know what I mean? And and then next you know what this relationship starts and next you know I'm building this and now I'm writing this and And that's what it is. It's just staying here, man Once you give up and stray off like if I would have became a manager like my mom wanted me to be I'd be at Wells Fargo going. Hey, man Uh, let me tell you this one joke that I got
Starting point is 01:24:44 You're gonna love this one Oh god, here comes that manager guy here. He comes again. Here comes zinger He's always got a pocket full of zingers When I was living in my car I started a website because they just released this thing on nfl.com It was called the all 22 cam so you could actually see the place because you can't see that on tv You can see what the safeties are doing And I wanted to break down the x's and os and I bought a website called packersfilmroom.com
Starting point is 01:25:08 And they didn't know I was doing but I learned how to build a website and I was living in my car So like 150 dollars for a domain at that time was a significant amount of money And it went for nothing. It did do anything But I learned how to build a website and a bunch of that stuff when I got hired at corolla I immediately started doing some of that stuff for them and I just learned it. Yeah Yeah, so at that time it was a scary investment, but you were so your heart was in it That that thank god you did that because it gave you the the tools that you needed when you did Get the opportunity, right doing doing something is always better than doing nothing. I guess what we're trying to say is risk
Starting point is 01:25:44 Yes, some risk there's risk takers like there's risk takers Yeah, but also you don't know what the things you've been doing where that those elements are going to be needed Yeah, when that value is going to pay off. Yes, you just don't know when that value is going to pay off sometimes, man You know now nick has a another MMA podcast and they do they talk about gambling on fights, right? So he probably didn't know yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't really put one out But I'll put some content online and people like are into it. It's fun And it's just what I like to do so but who knows, you know, who knows a decade ago when he's you know Just you know playing online poker. You just don't know sometimes and you still won't know
Starting point is 01:26:19 That's the amazing thing about life is that it'd be like, oh, I still didn't realize this little thing that happened so long ago Yeah, is going to pay this unique dividend in a financial way or a spiritual way or All types of ways that's crazy, man My my my life from Seattle the special that I had to shoot the opening joke was a joke. I wrote um, when I opened for Corey Holcomb on some uh Nightclub that was out in uh, what is that freeway the 18 or whatever just some weird freeway when you're going towards magic mountain
Starting point is 01:26:53 And then it goes Palmdale It was all Palmdale, and I was opening for Corey Holcomb And uh, it was at a nightclub. No one was allowed to sit on the dance floor They sat on the outside of the dance floor. We performed in the middle of the dance floor Because uh, the the owner didn't want you to scratch up the dance floor So uh with chairs and tables It was so good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Scratch of the dance with your shit. So I went up. I killed I by the way every comic always says they kill, right?
Starting point is 01:27:20 So I killed and then we're driving back And I'm not getting any love from Corey. Oh, you know, I mean like I'm like So now I got to like bait him into a compliment and I'm like yo man. I destroyed that shit, right? He's like, yeah, but um Still don't know who the fuck you are my fucker And I'm like, what what do you mean like like I don't know who the fuck you are like Who are you Joe Coy? Like you just did a bunch of boo. Shit. Well, you did all that Basically, I was just doing the easy shit, right to be funny, right
Starting point is 01:27:53 But I don't know who you are Like who are you? What are you? And then I swear to god man that whole ride was just kind of like I mean we were still joking around but in my head I was like fuck I gotta I got it right about who I am Wow, and and uh, and I by the way, I was still opening for Corey by the way And um, I tell this story in my book because it was such a
Starting point is 01:28:15 It was one of those moments where you get you get hip-checked And you get hip-checked hard because I was I was killing so much and I thought oh, that's I'm a comic I'm a comedian until you until you open for a veteran And he's like who the fuck are you bro? Like what's what's your voice? Do you know your voice? What are you? And um Oh, there it is mixed play and um And I went home and I literally was just I couldn't even sleep Yo, I just kept looking at the ceiling just like trying to figure out How do I tell people who I am and I never talk about my dad. How can I say my dad real quick without
Starting point is 01:28:49 Going into it too deep and and that's that opening line that I say in that uh special for Life from Seattle was written that night from Corey Holcomb like 14 years ago. Wow. It was a 14 year old joke that I never used Is that crazy? It's crazy, man. There's jokes that I'll be afraid to use for a long time You know for some reason and they'll finally come to the surface, but yeah, it's amazing man mixed plate That's the book guys if you want to grab it. Yeah, man pre-order Um, it's not out yet. No march. Wow. We're supposed to be out this year, but I can't do a book tour Oh, yeah, so we want to wait till it opens up and we might postpone. We don't know but uh
Starting point is 01:29:29 I still want to I want to be on the road when that book comes out. Yeah, it'd be fun Yeah, man, just to interact with people about it. We both did that Sam Adams deal Man, that was because of you. Yeah, it was cool. I wasn't even supposed to be on that thing That was a good deal called I'm glad I did. It was that yours was really cute, man. Theo Theo's amazing. I want everyone to know that I thought yours was cool, man. Let's watch it real quick Telling jokes we're living this is my dream come true Always want to be a comic and
Starting point is 01:29:58 I love it I'm Joe Coy stand-up comedian And I'm here to toast my mother that two-pack baby being Harrison without her none of this would have happened I think a lot of people forget to just be grateful people do stuff for us And then we just act as if that's what they were supposed to do Yeah, it also sucks when you help somebody and they walk by and you're like Some of the bitch didn't even thank me I'm grateful Shit my mom sacrificed everything to give me the opportunity to live my dream
Starting point is 01:30:31 And this toast was the best opportunity for me to say thank you You know when my mom and dad divorced I was right around 10 11 and she became Everything she was pretty much the backbone of the entire family When I said I wanted to be a comic her head was like what? Are you crazy? Is that your house? I remember working in a store and still doing stand-up at night and my mom was just like I told you Stop doing this. You're going to be broke No, we live in a country where dreams are possible and it can happen. Just give me
Starting point is 01:31:04 some time Since day one I wanted to make sure that the world could laugh and when I tell your story on stage It's something that I'm very proud of for years. I was like how am I going to talk about my mom? I didn't want to go up on stage and just be like oh, I'm Filipino and Filipinos do this if you listen You're going to be like oh my mom does the same shit I mean you're doing great and I'm proud of you. You wanted me to be a lawyer. Well, we digress Now I see being a comedian my goodness. I mean you're 1000 percent secure Sam Adams, it's grassroots. It's family
Starting point is 01:31:41 What I take from that is the same thing that I got from my mom and that's why Sam Adams is the best Beer for this toast. The reason why I brought you here today is I wanted to toast you This is hard Harder than I thought pretty lady, man Whoo It's a little too much when you came to this country was to give the kids an opportunity that you knew that you would never have Everywhere I go people will be yelling your name and they clap their hand and I know it's because of you So I also want you to know that I'm so proud of you. You see you started this
Starting point is 01:32:18 You're the reason why I've been able to do this. Thank you for everything you sacrificed So this is for you and I love you Did you want to drink beer? I toast you. Ah, you got me all You're so much. Thank you. Oh, I always cry in here. I got bottom. I'm crying too That's good. Yeah, that's good. I love you. I love you too You want some more? You want some more? That's cool. Why'd you do that?
Starting point is 01:32:48 Bro, I I I didn't plan on watching it all the way through but it's nice. It's a nice sentiment, man You know, it's important man. Oh, man It's you know, it's hard to have like moments like that with our parents I think it's hard to get to those moments and then actually follow through and actually have them Yeah Like sometimes I'll have an idea in my head like, okay, I want to talk to my mom about this or say this or You know, tell a family member this but when it comes down to the moment I just don't really follow through the way I want to
Starting point is 01:33:16 I'll back off at a moment when I have a feeling of some sort that's uncomfortable. Yeah, you're right It's weird, man. It is weird, but it's important. You know, it's important, bro. That was cool I didn't know he was crying. I was trying to fight my dad. There was a Did you see me nick do this? I looked out like oh now She's pretty lady, man. Do uh, did you hear what she said? That's that's when you know, I'm not lying about my mom when she goes
Starting point is 01:33:46 Uh, when I knew you were a thousand percent secure. Oh that those were those conversations when she would tell me to quit Yeah, secure. That's a unique word. People don't just throw that around a lot of times. Yeah, she she was all about benefits and health insurance security Retirement like dude like that's military stuff. Yeah, man. It really is. That's my mom. That's how she talked, you know She was married to two soldiers. So that's all she talks about my mom has been talking about retirement since She was 36 She just lived first Talk about retirement later
Starting point is 01:34:23 That's funny, man Yeah, it's powerful, man. It's interesting, man. It's interesting to see Now thanks for uh calling uh those guys by the way, that was really cool of you. Yeah, that was great. Well, they had a cool campaign, man It was a cool campaign. You did yours with I did mine just with the audience Oh, mine was just at the live factor with the audience Brendan did his I think with brian. Yeah, who else segura shaffir Oh, how is seguras? I didn't see that one. Um, he might have done his wife. Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah, I gotta watch it But pretty cool, man. Um, thank you, man. Yeah. Thank you, man
Starting point is 01:35:03 Thank you for coming in today and just chatting. It was good. Some of the things you said I needed to hear just like You know just kind of stay the road and just be reminded of like You know that I still want to be funny and I want to like, you know to just find that dream that passion Yeah, you know and realize that I still have stories that I want to tell and Even more so like who who am I? Yeah, man You know like I love telling stories and I love telling but sometimes it would be brave to even get even more into who I am I wish you would but that's that's why when I said that last time about your cartoons. I'm like, dude This has to be a series
Starting point is 01:35:38 It's like you have a story after a story after a story and they just keep coming out of you. Yeah I can't wait to see all of them. By the way, my son's a huge fan of yours. Oh, that's cool. My yeah, he loves you, man So he's handsome guy. He's growing up. Yeah. So oh, yeah, he's great He's he's he's gonna be 18 here pretty soon. I told him I was all those socks. We'll put him on the shelf. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Hey, oh, we want him here. I'll send you. We want him here forever I'm gonna send you the picture, man Does my favorite part is when we both looked down at and then we both looked at each other and he's like I'll pick him up dad
Starting point is 01:36:11 Yeah, let me pick him up. That's beautiful. Yeah Uh, is does he does he have a uh funny vibe with his vibe? Oh, he's very funny. He's got it Um, I don't know what he wants to do. I know he he loves making beats But I really see him acting and man if he could do stand-up Man, I would love to open for my son, man. Oh, that'd be cool. I would love it, man I would love to just retire and be like, hey son, can I Can I just do five minutes in front of you? I would love that man. Dude, that'd be so cool. That'd be so cool Have you ever known anybody they got to do that? I think only Damon jr. Is the only one I know
Starting point is 01:36:49 Oh, that's true that uh I don't know if they tour but that would be dope to have Damon and Damon jr. On the same ticket one of my favorite nights ever. I was over at uh, hunter Hunter henry. I thought hunter hill has a show over at used at lossy and to get the black box over there and Damon Wayans was then gonna be there and I grew up on living color. Oh, of course. By the way last stand I think that's his special. I think that's what's called his HBO special. You guys you have to watch it. It's great It's a beast man. I haven't seen it crushes. Go watch it. All right. Go ahead. I'm sorry to be the sufferer But I I told a joke and he I heard him laugh at one point
Starting point is 01:37:28 Just in the back of the room and it was like Every moment of my childhood of like impersonating him out in the street with my friends and everything It was just it did all come full circle. It was real cool. That's so cool, man It was pretty dope mixed plate. You can get it early. Uh pre-order now, right? Yes Pre-order joker.com and uh, thanks so much for coming to spend in time with us. Nicky of anything else? No, thanks for coming, Joe. That was amazing. It was fun, man. Thank you, Theo. You're the shit, bro. Love you, bro Love you. Now. I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it
Starting point is 01:38:14 in my bones But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake and let myself on my Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me To me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you
Starting point is 01:38:55 And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past And these wheels that I've been riding on, they want something that they're damn they're gonna Girl, now they just want to build the land

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