This Past Weekend - E310 Thanksliving

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Theo talks about how he spent his Thanksgiving out in the Central East, gives more advice on how to crush your "Best Man" speech and tells us how to keep good Karma coming our way during this holiday season.   New Merch https://theovonstore.com  This episode is brought to you by: RayCon: Visit https://buyraycon.com/theo for 15% off Tushy: https://hellotushy.com/theo for 10% off GrubHub: https://www.grubhub.com   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Music: "Get It While You Can" - Robert Finley https://bit.ly/3fQ4NR7   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Hit the Hotline  985-664-9503   Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis   Associate Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Amen, and that's what they say sometime you see a man some gay fellow will say it like that You know he'll kind of They'll use it at to holler at you You know if you got a buddy that's a homosexual or uh, you know Registered you know or not registered, but just you know Gay some men is gay And you know that's how it is sometimes you see a man and next thing you know they trying to you know

Do a piggyback on the front of you? and that's You know that's just That's society, bro That's society and this I Mean they've they legalized it and that's what it is baby, so um Um What else is going on man who knows baby boy?

Who knows what's up? Hopefully your spirits are Hopefully you had a good weekend Got that turkey Hopefully everybody got birded out Because that's what they hit you with that bird and a lot of things can happen after Thanksgiving meal You know a lot of time somebody will steal your wallet right at when you buzzed out on that bird You know you have a little bit of that turkey bro and next thing you know somebody stole your rims off your car

They say damn They hit you with that bird That air dope baby The Lord's Perka said baby. I'm talking about that Turkey I'm talking about that Damn, that's shit a turkey brother. I bet if you see if you snuck up on the turkey, bro I bet they know what I bet a turkey knows

How to use a pillow? That's what I bet If you see a turkey animal In the woods or whatever I bet they I Bet they know how to use a pillow because that's a damn that me to tire you out You follow so I mean that that turkey you You know it'll really soften your damn Packer all right

What's going on we'll see Let's get into it right here, man. Thank you guys for being here This is Robert Finley get it while you came Oh You got to take it what you can get and that why you can oh, yeah Oh Oh, yeah, man, and that's adulthood right there. That's Robert Finley And that's a beautiful right there beautiful urban gentleman hitting them the high notes and the low notes and

In between maybe damn He's just a I mean that man. He's a real damn Billy goad of of just charisma and Capability man when he really if you go watch him watch his video on the internet Robert Finley Get it while you can and you got to get it while you can baby Because they they ain't always giving it out You know they you sometimes you go outside and there's no wind out there Sometimes you run out there with a kite and nothing

And you just nothing a squirrel run by flip you off, bro, and that's they you know Something you know God don't always make wind So you got to just get it while you can baby Because not every day is it is Is the is the world gonna offer you the same stuff So we got to keep our cup on us man when we go out there and if it's raining you got to get you get you half a cup Get you a little quarter quart, you know get you a third of a gallon, baby And just say you know hoard a little save a little fill it up

When you get a chance you got to get involved in the world I Got to I got to stay active. I got a you know if I see somebody laughing having a good time. I can't just You know go sit out in the van I got sometimes it's hard to stay you know to go over there and chuckle with them and absorb the joy Sometimes it's hard for me to put my kite into the wind You know and trust the breeze I But then I but then I if I don't then I then I can't I can't be pouting when I don't have no gusts in me I Can't be pouting when I'm thirsty for some kind of happiness because I didn't run my cup out there earlier

You know when that breeze is it going when the water is a fallen when the Sun is a shining you got to take it where you can get it And you got to get it while you can baby that is Robert Finley And you'll enjoy that. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving You know, it's interesting I I Didn't have a big plan really for Thanksgiving and David Arquette's lives out here now and he's in a new wrestling documentary. He was a He came and came on to this podcast and he invited me over

And he got a wife. He got two offspring males juvenile males and So I went over there and drove out to the country and Another buddy invited me over to do some four-wheeling. I went over there And It was nice. I had a nice time You know, I had a nice time was getting to see a family and his mother-in-law made some

Like a salad the salad had a I was like damn somebody They might have a little bit of Alzheimer's in the recipe, you know, I'm saying they had a couple ingredients in the salad recipe I was like, I don't know This thing got a damn pineapple, you know, I'm saying it had a little bit of you know, this thing a little bit heavy on the Bay leaf You'll see, you know, it up to you know, half a marshmallow and a bay leaf and it'd be like damn this thing but But it was a good time and really enjoyed myself and

You know and part of me I was like, I don't want to go I'm just gonna be at home, you know, I don't have a plan I didn't go home But I'm glad I put a foot forward and say, you know, I'm just gonna you know I'm gonna go get out in the system. I'm gonna go get out in the Just into the flow of the world And I ended up having a nice time And I think it makes people feel good when they can When they invite you to do things and you say I think it makes people feel

You know, I think it makes people feel good, you get to you know, they invite you come on do it. Oh come out here. Come to the zoo I don't want to go to the zoo. You know, I don't want to smell monkey shit and get sunburn But you do it and then it's fun and they have fun You know and then now you got a little bit of connection and you got another little anchor in the world You got another little anchor in the world I'm not preaching. I'm just saying yeah, I just cuz sometimes I struggle I want to say, you know, oh They're just inviting me because they feel sorry for me or they're just You know, they just they're just offering me that because they

You know They feel like they have to a lot of that shit is in my head. People want to do nice things because people want to do nice things and The gift that I can give sometimes is just saying yes is getting and Just being involved because if I don't I get isolated And this past week, I just been saying yes, man I've been saying yes And I've been getting it while I can that's Robert Finley

What's going on out here, I watched a Tyson fight last night and Dude, I was most excited about seeing Jake Floyd against What's his name Nate Nate Robinson and dude, I thought Nate Robinson was gonna whoop his ass honestly Because I've fought black dudes before and they they'll beat Chas And so I thought that was kind of how it was gonna shake out But damn, bro Jake Paul

He's man he seemed legit just It was hard to get a real take on it because Nate was just coming at him Nate kind of had that bulldog Like a bulldog with an ear infection you ever see that dog and he trying to bite you, but he also he don't aim correctly because his You know his equilibrium is on You know, it's got a bad wheel So he's biting, but he's you know, he missing the left every time he tried to You know to teeth you down to gum you up

And in Jake Paul he really He made that dude pay He made him pay. I mean he put him out son So you got to give props to both those dudes for getting out there that should look scary Them dudes start throwing them fists, man um So yeah, I enjoyed watching it. I mean the whole I didn't like all the rapping and shit And I'm like, what is all this shit? I felt like I was trapped in a in a

nightclub in Jacksonville, Florida I was like this shit is crazy people are fighting A lot of smoke in the air a lot of dance like uh, just one dude dancing by himself It definitely had a very Jacksonville vibe to it um But uh, so what when watching the Tyson thing going I wasn't excited about it I I watched it on um Stream east or whatever where you get the free stream pirated

I'm the captain now I did the pirate and why was that pirate? You know, I stole the shit. I stole it And Yeah, I didn't I just felt like uh I don't know if I didn't feel like it was for me I thought the ring looked like a video game They really went for this video game look like complete black in the background Uh, I don't even know if they needed it at the Staples Center. I wonder what the cost was it at?

Because you got a shell out them duckets You want the Staples Center you could have done that and um You know, you could have done that at the at a Staples At an abandoned Staples, you know, one of those Staples that got looted out there In Los Angeles or Portland you could have done that on damn mile six on envelopes But I just don't know what the cost was to do it at the actual big Staples Center, um But I guess it does add a different mystique to it And as viewers hell, we don't even know if they really did it at the Staples Center

They could have been showing it from the helichopter and not doing it. They could have done that anywhere Uh What else I watched it. What did I feel like I felt like it was exactly what I thought it was gonna be I'm glad I didn't pay for it um I wanted them there was too many rules going into it and there was too much hugging Mostly the thing about the Tyson fight it made me remember to call my grandfather And my grandfather is dead, so

I just prayed a little And uh, almost weed you boarded him, but I didn't even honestly know him that well And he was my step-grandfather and he used to take us on a motorcycle And we used to catch fresh catfish and he would have him, you know, he put him on that stringer and I'd put him over my shoulder And I barely had a shoulder probably four years old. Hell half the fish was older than me. I caught You know, I'd have 19 years worth of fish on my back and I'm just strapped them bitches on And he would just let me sit on the back of the motorcycle hold on to him with one arm and just you know shoulder

a little batch of bull heads spoon river catfish shoulder them over my other shoulder and just And then get over, you know get back to the hall back to the house, but But yeah, what else I remember, you know, it was Jones jr. Look scared Or just more nervous. He definitely looked gassed out pretty quick You know and I've seen senior citizen fight You know in my neighborhood

When I was growing up this man, mr. Polito got in a fire and uh, he got thrown into a ditch fire By milford king and milford died But this is when he was um alive And milford was our school bus driver. He was shirtless And a lot of people think oh school bus drivers should have a shirt on well Hell if they should baby boy, you know a lot of school bus drivers, they don't need a shirt You don't need a shirt to drive a bus. That's a damn myth You know, that's a myth amphetamine, bro. That's people smoking ideas that aren't aren't facts

And uh That milford was redheaded and he had red chest hair and back hair and he probably weighed about 305 pounds 307 eight pounds And he spoke I thought he spoke a different language, but he just couldn't talk well You know, I think they probably taught him about three quarters of the alphabet And the last quarter it was just I mean, he was just damn vanna whiten out there. He's just spinning letters. He didn't know what the hell was going on He'd put a seven in the middle of a sentence. He didn't you know, sometimes he'd throw a damn uh

Uh an asterisk in the middle of a damn word. He don't you know, he didn't know he wasn't fully equipped Um, you know if knowledge was an 18-wheeler this dude probably had about uh This dude has seven tires on him. He was that kind of guy But he fist fought this old man named mr. Palito and threw him in a ditch fire in our neighborhood When they were both pretty much near senior citizenship And when I saw this fight as the first thing I thought of I said, oh, I seen they should put a you know Put a damn fire in the middle And let these dudes fucking get irish, bro

Because they run this weak ass, you know I mean, that's the thing about when old when old people fight of different cultures they fight differently You know, oh, you got two old old brothers out here fighting and they they actual fists fighting They got it all gloves and everything You throw two old white dudes out there. Somebody's ended up in a damn fire So it's cultural, baby It's cultural But yeah, it's a good time to be a part of Thanksgiving and

And you know, there's something about that day after Thanksgiving too When you just sit in there and uh Excuse me. I had a little bit of water and it feels like a um The day after Thanksgiving it feels like a Saturday, but it's not it's like oh, this is kind of nice And it's just like oh You can feel the whole world start to take a sigh of relief It's like We're just gonna just kind of lazy our way towards the holidays

You know, it's a good time to check in with a friend you start remembering friends. Oh, I you know, I should check in with them I should send them a text so hey, you know Hey Ronnie, bro. I love you, bro Hadn't talked to you in a couple years And then his wife writes back Ronnie Ronnie's dead Ronnie died a couple, you know Ronnie died 18 months ago Head on collision like oh damn well But it's just that time, you know, where you just remember to check, you know You go tickle somebody you haven't you haven't touched them

Maybe you know, you haven't touched your wife in probably seven months. You go tickle that bitch over there She making a souffle and you sneak up And just finger rib that bitch up, you know Surprise or get that jump back in her It's just that time of year, you know, it's that time of year where Maybe your neighbor got a little pet bird And you run over there and seed that bitch up give him a pumpkin seed or something Give him an acorn

It's that time of year You know, maybe you take a little uh You take a muffin over to a senior citizen And you got to pour some water on it dampen it up so they could swallow it, but you give them that gift You hit them with that fluffy cake little bad boy to have muffin Treat that old bastard, you know treat them nice That's what time it is man That is what time it is get that hitter merchandise has hit the website theovonstore.com. We got the restoxer in

So if you want to get something you can get it And that's how that works That's called getting something And you can do that Uh, the the episode of man up is up on sticky rick About this thick boy and he was doing masturbation and everything But he's trying to turn it around And that's on youtube

So You can check that out comedy central past on the show You know, they were too busy picking up dog shit Uh and they passed on our show so That's why we do this People say why don't you do why don't you because? Because man, and I don't really have a I don't have people say you sound real salty about it. I'm sugary about it You know, it was the gift that I didn't really know was that we were going to be able to get in and do our own stuff

But at a certain point you start to realize that some of these places do not want your kind around And you start to wonder why you do start to wonder that um What else man? What else really? Oh has been going on with me I had a tough day the other day thanksgiving morning, man. I was crying outside of a donut shop in my truck You know, I wasn't touching myself for anything but You know, so that's how that day kind of started Uh

What else was happening? Oh the we're gonna do I'm doing a lot of long, you know like You know a little bit of like calendar laundry here We're gonna do the uh a belated christmas special Talent extravaganza with tammy with chelsea lin tammy That will be that's gonna be postponed. I think we're gonna do it after the new years Just have more time and it really make it special Or espacial baby, which sounds like a disease, but it's special in spanish

So we're doing that Um, I'm gonna let you know right now though that if you're getting a gift for somebody Get a mayor get him get him get him the sounds of the world You know one nice thing about music is that you can hear it Imagine watching somebody just push buttons on a piano and nothing Or watching somebody think that they you know pluck on a guitar, but it don't make any sound you think they had heavy autism Or ha Well

2020 is throwing us a gift for the holidays This is the go-to gift And what i'm talking about is the silver bullet gift idea of racon wireless earbuds I want to get everyone a gift this year that's going to make them go. Hey, thanks. You know what? I actually did need this I'm actually going to use this And that's racon wireless earbuds You know, I've had different earbuds and I didn't like them One of them I put them in all I could hear was uh

You know all I could hear was my neighbors And they're fist fighting two lesbians over there beating each other about you know something some they did a They hired a shoddy contractor to you know redo a porch and they was Nemmiches was pissed but um With seamless bluetooth pairing and a comfortable noise isolating fit

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racon.com slash thEO today to get 15% off your racon order That's b u y r a y c o n dot com slash thEO Support this pass we can get someone the gift they will use By racon dot com slash thEO for 15% off We had a lot of really special calls and and this and that's that came in and

um And i'm going to get into a few of them and here's one right off the bat Thio, this is kenny calling from portland. Hey kenny. Thank you for calling And portland they say they got a lot of beautiful strippers up there and a lot of rain So if you like that WAP that's your territory baby You know if you like a damp girl that's really pale skin but tatted up If you like one of them antifa bad bitches that's your territory onward Uh, I had an idea here. I have a playstation 5 that I got from my work

I'm not really a big gamer, but I would like to offer that for one of your struggling single moms So if you have any ladies out there that are trying to make their kid happy on the holiday I have a playstation 5 that i'll be willing to Donate uh only because your show gives me hours of entertainment throughout the week Uh, you're very positive. I love the things that you have to say and uh gang gang Gang gang man. Thank you. Kenny. That's man. That's where it's at You know, that's where it's at. Um, and we we we would love that If you if you know a single mom that could use this gift, uh, you can hit the hotline

985-664-9503 Um, you know and and and think just think about if you don't don't call don't don't give us some lady that can't use it Don't give us some lady that's going to sell it and buy the lauded out there Or buy a couple grams of this or a rock or a rock or crack You know if you have somebody you think can you can use it has some children that and don't you know If the children already dumb they might not need a ps5 get them bastards a ps3 But if you got a woman has got a couple of kids That's very kind of you kenny we'll reach out man and uh, we'll see what we can do

We'll take a couple of suggestions if you can hit the hotline [phone] um, that'd be awesome you know, uh It's that time of year man. It's that time of year to to extend a little if you can um You know the other day I was What was I was eating breakfast here out here in the central east, which is where I'm at and Uh, and I ended up paying for

Um, the breakfast there was a couple sitting outside And when I walked in the guy said I said hey and him and his girlfriend were just visiting in town And so before I left I just bought my meal bought their meal um And just left you know and then and I'm just saying that because About two weeks later. I'm across the street eating breakfast at a different place uh with josh wolf

and We get up to pay and leave and they said oh somebody bought your meal I said dang Didn't know who I don't know who it was You know some damn Scrooge McDuck got warm hearted You know got them a orders just fired You know, he grilled his own a orders with the lord With that lord's traeger or something something hit him. He got he heated in the heart and somebody bought me a damn meal

So that's what you know, it's just it's just that's karma rule lead and that karma will really this the this the time of year when karma is out there Karma got on the zoot suit karma's listening to 21 savages Karma's out there, baby Karma got his nose hairs clipped out. He's out there. He's got a fresh set of tits on karma's living hard right now This when karma is paying attention So it's a great time to extend that olive leaf to somebody How can I help what can I do? And when I get up in the morning this week what's been making me feel good is just saying what can I do

What can I do for somebody that's not me? Who can I call that would like to hear my voice today? And not in like a ego way, but just who can I call that? I know could use somebody just they they're looking for anybody in the world to call them and say hey How are you? Where's your head at? Where's your heart at? And sometimes that can be you that can be anybody But I have to remember when I get up to ask myself that question first So

Um, so anyway, what a small little world how that worked out Uh, but thank you Kenny. We'll find some way we'll find someone who can use it. I think so hit the hotline if you have some suggestions Um, I'm going to tell you right now also that we got this call that came in right here Hey, this is uh, Salim Coming out here from uh, Victoria, British Columbia and Canada Salim And man, thank you Canada for being you You know, sometimes I fall asleep at night. I think about Canada, bro

I'll be honest with you, dude. No homo, bro. No snow mo But I think about Canada And I think sometimes I just I'll lay in bed. I'll just think about damn Canada, bro And I'll think about a newborn baby just riding naked on a just on a damn reindeer's back And just looking for God, bro both of them the little the little babies on the back of the reindeer and he just looking for the Lord, bro And there's just something beautiful about that shit, bro And I I'll be honest. I'll be honest I didn't think Canada was a real place when I was growing up

When I was young somebody said hey a wolf, you know A wolf attack. They had us drawing at school. It was a picture of a wolf attacking a boy And they said can it on it I said damn boy So I thought Canada was just a place where America where we you know practice safety equipment where we mailed something You know practice safety equipment where we mailed safety equipment to see if it worked and they mailed it back I thought it was a company, you know, kind of a you know, probably a 3.5 star company out of five stars But

that's a That's a myth man. I've been smoking myth amphetamines, bro. If I'm thinking that I've been getting high on myth amphetamines if I've been thinking that because Canada Canada is amazing If you meet somebody from Canada, bro hug them shake their hand fuck them Treat them well, baby Feed them You know massage them

Garage them, bro Put them in your garage. You feel me? I'm saying do something for them because they're good people Anyway, thank you salim onward And I have a thing going on I recently met this girl that I really like and the issue though is she is very covid conscious. I guess not an issue makes sense and basically We go on a couple days or hanging out from a distance and like we can't really you know make any physical contact or

kiss each other hug or whatever And that's tough. I feel like for me. I don't know what you think about no physical contact in a relationship and also I'm heading back to Ontario outside of Toronto In a couple months. So I don't know You know really what I'm doing or why So you're Canadian. She's afraid of

covid This is like a snowmio and hatch you liette You know, she's scared of something and you really you know And you from the great dub in baby You're filming that White north bro that Blanco up top gang shit onward But uh, the circumstances point no, but I like her and I like seeing her so Love to hear your thoughts

Love the podcaster hilarious guy and you taught me a lot. It's listening to you talk Um gang gang brother gang, baby Thank you. Salim Um And let me tell you I'll say this first of all man, I think you know, this is a beautiful story And this is why I listen to this podcast because sometimes it reminds me That there is There there is still a human part of life

Sometimes it does sometimes it don't it don't remind me of anything But sometimes it reminds me that there's still this element of people There's still this This fabric inside us that That That wants to be seen And that fabric a lot of times it's it's like uh The text it's like the textile of just the of the human condition

um and sometimes it's it's Fun and sometimes it's real and sometimes it's tragic and sometimes it's It's Sometimes it's alive and sometimes it's dead almost But it's It's just

Bear And it's nice. This is something about this does that for me this this call because it just You know not every relationship is come over here and let me look up your booty You know, there's a lot of love out there that still has this old-fashioned wagon wheel kind of environment You know, there's a lot of love out there that's like hey, I met you and I'm thinking about you And it's not a million texts a day and it's not a You know, look, I'll be honest. I met a girl a couple months ago and we met up in a park And you know, I tried to get to see her tits from about 20 feet away. She said no

And she drove off and she thought I was probably a piece of shit She was probably right But you're doing something else man, you have a really there's a love thing going on there And you're just kind of contemplating. Well, what if I I'm you know, I could lose this girl. I could go on you know, I have to go And that's called extradition when you got to leave the country And I'm you know, I'm glad that not everybody's allowed to stay unfortunately that you know If you run over here with a damn hatchet and shoot up a dollar general, they let you stay but You know, you're a decent canuck over here doing you know trying to fall in love and they

You know, but those are the rules, but um Are we talking about just now? But love man, um There's something special about that You know, there used to be something special about when somebody wasn't around just thinking about them Man, I remember I had a big crush on this girl katie And people called her kind of fat katie, I think but I just called her just katie And if she was fat man, uh

Good that meant there was more of her bro because I was in love with her And uh And uh, and I wrote katie on my pillow and some of them would just go lay in my bed and just hug this pillow as hard as I could And I just hoped that somehow she just knew how much I just cared about her And uh And somehow in that little process of me hugging this pillow It was that was the old school like just texting or stalking on instagram. That was the old that was it was a real visceral thing

You know back in the day somebody would get a knife and they would just go out to a park bench And just be like i'ma fuck bridge it Then they would just write that in there And that you know, it was just That meant something It was putting it out into the world without putting it right into somebody's damn earhole And it gave the world a chance to say okay, I'ma maybe this will land over by him or maybe it won't We let the world play a role

It used to be you'd put your feelings onto a kite It used to be you'd put your feelings like you know, you know, you'd take them and you'd You'd blow them into a balloon of sorts And just let them off into the world And maybe they would land on the person's heart they were intended for maybe they wouldn't But now it's everything's so direct we just take it and we write it on the arrow You know damn it. I love you Yeah, Adam my pervert and you just now you just fire it right at him

And we just the world that we don't let the world work We don't let the world have a say anymore So I feel you man, there's something magical about if you go or if you stay or if If there's something magical about being at a distance Because we used to always have to be at a distance you couldn't permeate someone as immediately as you could now You had to kind of let the world play a role But I um, I love where your head's at and I love where your heart's at man And I think one thing you can do this is a great time for some romance whether this works out or not

It's a great time, you know to do something like a do a do a uh scavengers hunt You know you could do something sweet you could um You know put a message in a bottle and throw it in their yard You know you could do something like that mow something mow a message in real grass, you know Let me hit that you wrote it over there But it's a chance man, it's a real chance to do something kind of sweet I think um Um Yeah, uh, and you could do a do a um a poem use your words that's a great idea use your words

You know write or a letter write or a letter about how you feeling sexually Do or a poem, you know, maybe maybe uh sex sex feet away This is for you, baby. This calls sex feet away. I want that booty, but the air got diseases I want that kuda, but we got to bleach our creases. I want that monkey And I want it on my tonsils, but I don't want you to die, baby I'm COVID conscious gang, baby Hit her with that hit her with that bam that word hammer dog But yeah, use your words use your feelings and let it ride man mail it to her

Mail it to her stand out But thank you for that question man in that call gang shit praise god man Oh I'm gonna tell you guys right now about something that you already should know your body has a Your body has really A butthole on it. I'm gonna be honest with you and that's straight up And and if your body does have that then this ad is for you

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Hey, Theo, this is uh luke from kansas city Luke from kc and we appreciate your brother and I was uh I was in a burning building once in kansas city Um, but I just made a sandwich and so I didn't evacuate and I ate that sandwich I'm over here trying not to delete one of these uh cigarettes that I got burning in my pocket right now Uh, I just wanted to call and say I love the show man. I um, I really appreciate it. Make me laugh man. You're uh commentary on tampa

Which I have a good friend and that took me to underbelly of tampa was spot on Oh, yeah, tampa's a good place to get uh Uh, I mean somebody will take your organs right out of your body with a knife and then freaking You know sell you a cigar, bro gang shit on work Uh, I just had a question about you know, I have a son. He's uh, he's coming of age

You know, not too soon. He's nine, but I know that you know the time's coming for the birds and the bees And I just wanted to get your take on how how do you break that down? You know, I know I didn't really get You know too much explaining You know when I was younger and uh I just want to give them the tools man, and I just want to give you you know, what are your thoughts on uh You know the birds and the bees to it to a young man. Thank you. Amen. Thank you so much for that question

And he's talking about sex. He's talking about sex. He's not talking about pets or anything like that. He's talking about sex for children And um, you know, it's Here's the thing. I think the thing is With talking about sex with children You want to be the first person to to to to kind of To present it to him

You want to be the diving board He's gonna hear something He'll hear a word You want to be the one to start the to present it to him because I remember when I was young They had a fella in our neighborhood Who ended up actually taking his uh grandmother's life And she was our launch lady and

R.I.P. Annie and uh And she scooped you out the peas and shit fucking She about a time she got that scoop to you. She had half the peas on there. She had damn dyslexia and her wrists You know, she couldn't put together a damn scoop of peas, but uh But anyway, um What was I talking about? Oh, this dude so he made I mean he didn't make it but he this dude one time, you know, he masturbated

And he jio jerked out, you know spraying out they called it locally But he jerked off and uh, he made us kind of watch him. Well, he didn't make us watch him, but This was right after football season and right before baseball. So kind of that time when there wasn't, you know, not not a lot going on And so he you know, it was opportune time if you You know, this is you know, if it was just you know time, you don't must try anything, you know, you try, you know You know, you eat laughy taffy's even though you hated them. You know But anyway, this guy jerked off made us watch him. Anyway, his dad Saw it happen

And his dad was not pleased with it So I remember his dad made us sit in their house and he put like stick them on our hands, you know, like, uh Spray enamel Um And he made then he put our hand like a sand like a coarse kind of sand And then he made us look at pornography in their living room And so we're there watching and he told me he said you can't touch yourselves, you know so everybody's just sitting there damn erect and uh

And the dad was making chili the whole time he's making chili In the kitchen man, so I can't even drive through Cincinnati without just spring and board you feel me but um Anyway But here's what I'm saying is I didn't know anything about sex and you you want to be the one to to to to introduce him to it You don't want some guy, you know spray enamel in his hands out there and make him watch pornography So they got you just uh

You know, you got to be you got to be a part of his life I remember I heard the word dildo And somebody at school was like, do you know what a dildo is? I was like Yeah And I didn't know And they didn't tell me and then I'm on the school bus and I told the school bus driver miss hazel. I told her straight up She had them big-ass dildos on her chest

and um And she sent me to the principal office and this one they still spanked you So laughtin makitas man spank the f out of me But nobody still told me what it meant. No, I just didn't know anything You know, it was just a different time man um My buddy scottie's dad he came in one time. I was staying with them. He came in the bedroom. He said look First time at his house. He goes you fellas can sleep pole to pole or hole to hole

But don't sleep pole to hole Man, I didn't know what the hell he was talking about dude. I we tried to figure it out. We We're laying there and flipping over and doing this and that and Hell, I don't know. I just slept on the floor. I slept with the foot of the bed next to a dam Uh, they had a golden retriever But um, anyway You just I'm seeing you want to be the one to talk to them Um, you want to be the one to prevent present the information. I remember another buddy of mine his this boy jeff

and his daddy did mail And his daddy did uh You know postmaning And he one time he he he said you want don't want to find a loose woman. He said and he put like a uh Little bag over my head from the store a tight bag and he put it on my head kind of taped it around my neck a little bit He said you feel that? I said, yeah, I could barely breathe, you know

And then he took that off and then he put his mail bag over my head us postal mail set on us mail And he said you feel that and you got all this room in that bitch And he said you want the first one And so that's how he was kind of teach me about women and loose women And he said if she'll smoke she'll poke and I mean if you a woman was doing a cigarette they was willing to do sex You know just old little limericks and stuff Scottish kind of stuff So anyway, I think you just want to be the person to talk to them You know you want to be the uh

You want to be the person to talk to them? So maybe just ask me I think a good way could be is there words that you haven't heard before Is there are there words you have any questions about or their terms you've heard? um You know do you have any thoughts about your body? Do you have any thoughts about other people's bodies? You know have him draw a teddy See where he's at with it You know

I have him, you know ask him what if he knows anything about a cooter see what he said and he might not know nothing so But um Anyway, but that's a suggestion I have if you have a suggestion on how to teach a child about the birds and the bees You can hit the hotline nine eight five six six four nine five zero three um Speaking of suggestions man, we had something that came in last week. It was for

um This gentleman out of baton rouge luke And he was going to be a best man for his brother And luke we got a some a couple of suggestions that came in here for you. Here we go So what up to this is evan calling calling you from dember. I'm fresh off of best man's beach. So figured I'd hit up I think your boy luke um a little nervous for his Uh a few pieces of advice I would say just as far as structure hit him with a joke out the gate and then Pick like one or two characteristics of your brother that you really admire

And then think of a couple stories to illustrate those throwing a couple jokes in between Um, you want to keep it around like you know, like he said three to five minutes But also have like a mic drop line at the end um Mine was uh, I dressed his his wife And I was like If he's as good as an older brother as he is a husband you guys are going to be in for a hell of a ride So pick a line to leave him on too and also outline that shit write it out beforehand

You do not want to be standing up there with a piece of paper. It's your damn brother, you know You got something to say so just outline it fill in the spaces speak from the heart leave him on a banger Um, and that's how you can do man. Um, but love you, Theo Appreciate it gang brother. Thank you. Thank you there evan From Denver and that's the information from the mountains Denver. That's high altitude information You know somebody give you a little swamp fact or something. Fuck all of that I want that freaking I want the shit that's been at the top You got to think about where you get your information from some people you get information from somebody and they're giving it

That you know, they live six feet above sea level. What? I don't want that ratchet ass shit. That shit's barely uphill, baby I want to hit, you know, I want somebody from Kilimanjaro. I want somebody from Denver I want somebody even from damn Boise I want that up top information. That's altitude knowledge, baby. You got to think about that Um, I would agree with most of what you said there I would not agree. I would say around two minutes people's attention spans disappear fast I totally agree with you would want to chart it out

Have it written out on a van don't be sitting there six minutes before writing that shit on the back of a um parking ticket Uh, and I wouldn't masturbate a couple days before I go into it a little bit of fervor You know, um, you could even eat some uh Uh, liver. I've been eating liver Yes, and that could help you. Um, but those are good suggestions, man. And uh But yeah, I would tell you I would get a little bit closer to two minutes, but I would end on a good note um You don't want to have to stand back up and be like, oh and one more thing. That's a that's a l right there. Let's hear more

What's up, Theo? This is Grant calling from Lafayette, Louisiana and uh, this is calling um related to Luke's Question about how to do the best man speech for his brother. So whenever I heard that You know, it kind of related to me because I also have my brother's Uh, when it came up in april and I'm also the best man. So okay. Well, let's let so this is gonna be a good, uh, Let's see what you got, baby. Thank you onward I think you hit it right on the head when you said, you know, leave it something short and sweet But I think it really is like a tough balance getting something that's meaningful and also white

So like I think what I'm going to try to do is Really just kind of give some kind of insight on like what it means to uh, what it's like to be his brother, you know Probably mentioned something about you know, maybe some events about growing up what it was like Like my brother sometimes he would leave me let me dunk the basketball and leave me hanging on the rim and pull My pants down and run away or you know, maybe we had a little uh Beat my ass with some whole cans and a Walmart a little brother battery going on and then Uh, oh, yeah, my brother beat me one time with a full can of corn

onward After that maybe talk about something how y'all's relationship kind of had an impact on your life Um, so that way you have a little bit of humor make it light and then Also a little bit of meaning in there and then Wrap it up. You know just kind of wish him good luck And uh, if you want to tell him you love him. So luke. I hope this helps man Theo I'm looking forward to seeing what you got to say about it. Yeah gang, baby. Uh Yeah, that's what I love man. What is yeah, what is it like to be his brother?

What is it like to be a younger or older brother? What has it been like to watch them? Uh, adjust and grow. What is it like to see their bravery heading into a marriage? What skills have they shown you as a brother? Not skills, but you know abilities capabilities. Um What are some of their characteristics that you know going into a marriage that's really going to serve them well? That's really going to serve the wife well, you know He's taught me this. He's taught me this. He's taught me this and you know, I've watched him do this I've watched him do that and and if he takes any of those things and you know And you could always leave with a joke at the end if something ever happens to him, you know

You've already been with somebody in the family. So I'm you know sign me up just like a funny little You know Something chill at the end But a lot of great suggestions there man and best of luck to you To you luke and if you get to have somebody video it if you want luke When you do it and get it right But um, what else do we have man? Um, we've covered a lot

Everything's gonna be okay We've covered a lot What else is going on right here? Uh, oh, I'll tell you this We have tony manderich coming in onto the podcast this week and that's going to be really interesting to hear his story so really really Really excited about that And if you're not familiar he he was drafted, uh, I think second overall by the Green Bay Packers

And he really had some struggles and uh, and what his life has been was like then And what it's like now. So I'm really looking forward to that Um, let's hear another call that came in right here. Here we go Hey Theo, this is Abby calling from Long Island Hey, Abby. Thank you so much for calling And I used to drink Long Island iced teas when I was in high school. We would go to this bar Um, about 30 miles away. We were 16 years old. They would let us in We it was drinking with Lincoln

And you gave them five dollars and they would uh And they gave you like this little like fake emancipation proclamation and every time you went up to the bar They would check off one of the things on it and you would get a drink um and But they had a boxing ring in the middle and kids would get wasted and and then older kids would come From a nearby college and really pretty much beat the shit out of you. But um, anyway I love the show. Um, my boyfriend actually introduced me to you

Um, when we first started dating and it's been a really fun thing for us to bond over Well, thank you. And that's nice of you to say that and that's smart of him to share. Onward Anyway, the reason I'm calling is to ask you for some advice for my boyfriend He's been having a really tough time at work lately. Just not enjoying it at all And uh, he gets caught in this really negative downward spiral of emotions And sometimes that negativity gets brought back into his personal life with him, you know, just unmotivated to talk to anyone

Do anything and uh, it makes me sad, you know, because he's such a wonderful person He doesn't deserve to feel like that. So I guess I'm just asking you to give him some advice I know he'll be listening. Um, how can he stay positive throughout the day or how can he separate his emotions during the work day from his emotions in his personal life? Um, thanks for anything you could offer him. They know he'll really respect and appreciate it Well, that's sweet of you to say that and it's nice that you uh, that you care It's nice that you care about how somebody else feels Um

You know, I and I can you know, I can tell you just what my experience has been because I've really struggled with this this past year I mean, I have been angry I got really angry this year. I I also think I really I do also think I want to say I think I have a pinched nerve in my back or in my neck I'm gonna go get checked out because I This whole year I've been having a lot of pain and I cannot it's been very hard to make it go away It just will not and so I think there might be more than

like mental stress going on but um You know One thing it's I'll just tell you what's helping me right now is making a gratitude list in the morning You know Uh And getting up and saying what today I get to do this today. I'm thankful that You know that my mother is alive today. I'm thankful that I get to eat breakfast

today, I'm thankful that There is a world that exists Because otherwise I get up into nothing. There's nothing You know, I'm thankful that I have a towel In my bathroom. I'm thankful that I can pay my rent this month I'm thankful. I have a girlfriend that cares about how I feel About myself and about others um

I'm making this would be something that could be on his list and that was about you. Um But just things like I'm thankful that I have a job You know sure it sucks to go to a job every day if you're not grateful you have it It sucks You know, I'm going skiing this week. I'm going to Tahoe And someone the other day is like, what are you up to this week? I was like, oh, I have to go skiing. I said that I have to go skiing That just shows you where my level of gratitude is at not in a good spot

They said you have to I said, well, you know I get to go skiing I get to go, you know, I get to eat breakfast I get to wake up and hit my knees and thank god that I'm alive if I want to I get to put on face moisturizer I get to smile at somebody I get, you know, it's just that perspective. It's just the perspective It's what it is. It's the perspective and that's where the choice is mine

The choice is mine if It's easy to choose to get up get immediately on my phone Start judging Start feeling sorry for myself It's easy And it's the sad part is it's become comfort It's become like our phones and all of that the immediacy of all it's become such an addiction

I need this right now. This should be let's you know You know, I don't take time for myself to evaluate where I'm at each day Before I get into my world and in the phone or computer and let let it all hit me So for me this the only thing that's been helping is just gratitude list Having some gratitude because this is life. This is it And it's a great time of year to be thinking about this kind of stuff. It really is Um, it's a great time of year to be trying And it's nice that you care it's nice that you care

Uh, so thank you for that call Abby and thank you. Thank everybody for being here You know, and the best thing then is Abby is in if once he once he's feeling good then he can be A part of making somebody else's day. That's the thing That's the thing I want out of the world I want somebody to say hey, man, you made my day, man. Hey when you call and check Hey, nobody was recognized. Hey, I and and if I'm just thinking about myself, it's hard for me to recognize those things. So but um And I'm not preaching. I'm just saying look, I struggle with this all the time

I Have to go skiing Man, that shook me to the core when somebody brought that to my attention You know, I'm grateful here. I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll read some of mine right now to you That I made this week today. I'm thankful that god has a plan for me even when I feel don't feel I have a plan for me You know today and I and I don't even know if I believe in God sometimes but I'm trying to so I'm trying to Just practice it Today I'm thankful that I'm not responsible for everything god. Thank god for that

Today I'm grateful I get to meet my friend josh for coffee and I'm sure as hell going to get a few eggs and sausage patties And I prefer patties to links. I don't like the links. They make me feel honestly homoerotic, bro So I ain't doing that no cap Today I'm thankful I got to watch my favorite christmas movie family man If you haven't seen it sit down with somebody care about and watch it Today I'm thankful my mom is alive today. I'm thankful god trusts me sometimes Today I'm thankful I can try again today. I'm thankful. I'm going skiing next week with my white friend So those are just some things man, and I don't get it done every day, but I know this when I do do my gratitude list, man

I feel better Because when I start to isolate and start thinking everything's bad Then I separate myself from my friends from my loved ones and then I'm sitting there sometimes wishing I were doing some Like I'll see people having a good time and I I'll I'll want to be a part of it But there's this chip on my shoulder inside of me That's I don't know it's like anger It's like it's almost like

There's this tether That wants to keep me from having fun And it's usually judgment. I'll judge what's going on My man, I know the more that I get out there and get uncomfortable and that's one thing I did take away from that Mike Tyson about He said was doing stuff that's uncomfortable sometimes the most uncomfortable thing for me is to laugh When somebody says something Or to be when somebody introduced me to somebody I know that

You know, I could tell them something and and give them, you know Just to be like, oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Tell me about it. Even though I might already know It's just playing the Game play in the game You know, it's so easy for me to judge the game instead of just if I can Move my peace Just keep moving my peace man Uh

Thank you guys man for being a part of my life And I'll miss you Doing some shows and I'm glad we have this And I hope whatever You know, whatever you're looking for your life, I hope that You realize that it's really a lot closer than you think And I don't know if that's true, but I hope it is

um All right, man We'll get out of here the same way we came in in here through our mother's vagina Uh You guys be good to yourselves. You deserve it. And this is robert finley get it While you can Man, you gotta see this video. This is he this man's awesome Get it

Yeah, why you can wrap it up in bacon sugar in a pen If it don't come in the mail box It may come in a moving hand Well, you got to take it when you can get And get why you can't come on robert I did not know the dealer But I'll show you know his daughter But if I had to trace the y'all I never would have caught

You gotta take it when you can get it Get it while you can Wrap it up in bacon Soot it in a pan It may not come in the mail box It might take a moving hand But you got to take it when you can get it And get where you can

She had a disposition This much like on the day Every time I was going up She'd be going in You gotta take it when you can get it Tell her Rob, get it while you can Wrap it up in bacon Soot it in a pan

It may not come in the mail box It might take a moving hand But you got to take it when you can get And get why you can't You gotta take it when you can get it And get why you can't