This Past Weekend - E315 Virtual Gnomes

Starting point is 00:00:00 What a year, huh? What a year Dude if you had a bag full of years And you pick this one out of the bag just say they blindfolded everybody and they you reach in the bag and everybody gets a year Dude this would be this would be a freaking wild one to draw What a year the shake-up baby the shake-up Mother nature just unleashed that You know she unleashed that dirty sauce out into the air and people getting it people getting a lunged out

Starting point is 00:00:50 On mother nature she threw that dirty dust out into the air People getting lunged out people on you know Just shook people shocked people can't you know People getting gripped out By the disease man a damn guy and um in Tennessee blew up a freaking uh an RV a good RV The guy parked it out in front of a Hooters and damn blew it up

Starting point is 00:01:19 And Twin peaks is better anyway, and I know and you know it And I'm not trying to tell I'm not trying to preach at you, but I'm just saying damn twin peaks is better All the good You know tits All those good, you know them front bags, baby you feel me All them freaking mmm the milky headlamps, they've all migrated long ago over to um Twin peaks

Starting point is 00:01:52 I mean really the only people still working at Hooters is orange bitches Let's be honest and no offense El perros Day naranjas But that's the facts That's the only people still working at Hooters are Mostly really teachers assistants who are afraid to do only fans and Orange bitches

Starting point is 00:02:21 That's facts man Dude that is facts, baby It's the new year It's the new year we did it 2021 It's the new year we did it 2021 We're in the future, baby This is the future man. This is this is what elan musk puts on his salad, baby This is the future can you even imagine that we are this is the future

Starting point is 00:02:56 We are every actually every moment you're doing the future when you start a word Where you end is in the future man. That's crazy Um We're here. This is it 2021 has been a wild one um I don't even know if I have any music do we have any you know what there's something on here hold on Oh, yeah, it's that gentle it's that euthanasia soundtrack Oh, yeah

Starting point is 00:03:35 This one your doctor tells you you shouldn't have any more sugar and you just Lay in bed and have a damn brownie Or a snickerdoodle man, this is megan wofford alt langzah This is another sign This is that into somebody's life they're you know down the street some man down the street he's in his life is ending you know can admit that he molested somebody or did something you know you know threw a frisbee when somebody been down to pick it up touch that are at you know did something while but he denies it just goes to heaven or hell

Starting point is 00:04:33 you can hear the frisbee oh yeah there you go right there that is all langzine all langzine it sound you know that's the New Year's anthem people some people don't know what it's called and it's called all old old langzine and I had a waiter like that once at a mellow mushroom he would you just he made like extra sounds like when he was talking you know like who you out of each in order like what you just get a little very serious a new y'all you need your appetizer hey didn't go on the night he like made his own background noise you know it's like oh

Starting point is 00:05:42 we're gonna see you tonight like what do you why are you we all of you guys so um we have a new fall you know we oh oh you chicken best go I what did just tell you know if you had just tell me what you have good to see you guys and not even see you really just see you with my heart and and with my imagination but I just can't believe we that we're making it this far and the word it is getting unique out there you know I mean some fellow damn blew up a RV a decent camper okay I think slept six honey but in the end it slept one you feel me but some man kill boss of that bitch over there downtown in

Starting point is 00:06:39 the central east out there in Tennessee and he was lonesome it said you know there was a little here and there he said something they you know he thought about lizard people or something but you know he was probably listening to 10 foil hat I have no idea but he you know the guy I mean it was a lonely dude that blew himself up and I'm not shocked first of all it's hard to park down there let's be honest downtown parking who has not wanted to sometimes when I'm downtown and I can't I'm looking for parking I literally wish that my glove box was a little oven and I just want to put my head on there in there and go

Starting point is 00:07:23 full blast honey I want to set that bitch on nine and grill my thoughts because I'm damn angry that's why God people been angry this year man this year got everybody who knows who knows look virtual reality you'll see a lot of children nowadays you run you what you drive down the street and there's a kid in the yard you know you'll just see him hiding behind hiding behind nothing he'll just kind of be crouching like he's high and he's playing hide-and-go-seek in his head with virtual you know with somebody in damn Guantanamo Bay or Russia or somewhere you know Michigan and

Starting point is 00:08:08 it's you know the virtual reality who knows what it's gonna be there's a new thing where people are just have jobs in virtual reality so now is unbelievable the highlight is you have a lazy child with the thing on with the VR on do it like flipping burgers or you know working at a shake shack or do you know making Kleenex is working at a Kleenex factory it's just on so now you can't even get your kid to work but he'll put on goggles and go back in work at a job that's not your real oh my god in part of me look I'm no scientist man if you logged on here ended up here somehow through some you know chat room or

Starting point is 00:09:10 portal and you think that I am a science man then you you are a real stray animal because that's not that's not factual I'm not you know I don't know anything about science and I don't honestly but I'm probably part-time believer in science so it depends on kind of when you catch me and how I'm feeling that day but I don't even know I literally do not even know I know that today's episode is brought to you by Magic Mind I do know that and we're very grateful for them for coming on this this year this past year they are the antithesis of a procrastination you're tired of procrastinating change the way

Starting point is 00:10:02 you do things you know nothing changes if nothing changes I heard that and Magic Mind will change things it is basically the organic version of coffee and you can check it out at magicmind.co and use promo code Theo for 10% off to try it out I got a little vile of it right here that hit her and me I really put you into a flow state you know a lot of people try to achieve flow state and to really assist yourself that helps yeah we're in the future I mean it's just great like it I want sometimes I start to think what if the disease you know but the first of all think of this when Corvid came out you know whatever they

Starting point is 00:10:54 called it Corvid 19 first of all a lot of people thought it was a wide receiver okay for Texas Tech or somebody people like damn Corvid 19 man this shit is fucking people up people like why damn how many touchdowns did he have you know but then it hit remember in the beginning they put everybody on ventilators and it killed thousands of people for no reason they just plug people up to these things and we're just reverse vacuuming out people we are just animals man we don't know what's going on but I start to wonder what if cuz I don't know how it's gonna just suddenly it's gonna just disappear you know a lot of people are

Starting point is 00:11:39 susceptible or questionable about the vaccine and I don't blame them dude this vaccine seems like something somebody made at the last minute to get a C and I only say that because I'm that guy I'm the dude who was writing who was writing a book report on the bus you know I'm the dude who would find the one Asian not even Asian semi Asian kid and like I beg him to give me the answers and he didn't even go to our school he worked near the school he you know and he still knew the answers which was crazy you know I'm just curious I mean I'm just you know I'm hopeful that we get into that this year bring some answers

Starting point is 00:12:34 I mean I just I start to wonder where virtual reality are kids going to like is everybody's gonna move back in with their parents and do fake job like do you know some kids just laying in his room all day with his mouth open working 60 hours at a at a you know at a calendar factory you know just glue in Sundays onto a you know onto a sheet of paper you know I just don't know I just start to wonder like and then the kid gets off of the thing and he just feels like he's been at work all day but he hasn't and then what if our world like we don't start to be outside and do stuff anymore and we actually to start to

Starting point is 00:13:19 be in this virtual reality world so then everybody starts to get virtual reality to go you even have to have it to go to anything every we're all just laying on our floors with our mouths open and just going to work in our heads or doing this or doing that you know we're at a party but we're nobody's even there we're all just and look virtual reality is powerful it's powerful man I went to the Fox Labs and it's not like animal sex or anything like that it's like what it's not like endangered species sex I mean it's like the network the Fox Network Fox Studios in Los Angeles and they took me in the virtual reality room

Starting point is 00:14:13 one time and they showed me some of the stuff they had well they had a game where I could see little gnomes I was in a like in a woods you know and you could walk up to a tree and open little doors and they had like little a little gnomes in there would look up at you there in there you know brush and teeth putting on a coat doing the honorant you know one of them's in there sneaking a little head of pudding before bed the little one you know and now that you open the little doors and peek in their tree home and they all look up at you like they're kind of spooked and then you you close in your back out in the woods and

Starting point is 00:14:54 there's little bridges going from trees to trees in the woods and little gnomes would run across them and a little gnome hand you a little uh he'll trade you something a little peach you know for something a little shoe polish you know like prison you know he'll trade you fucking you know it trade you maybe a little bit of light oral you know not oral sex just you know just not like a kiss but just at least whistle in my mouth or something a lot of touch myself kind of shit but um anyway man I don't know what I'm getting at I'm just I'm just starting to wonder what are the next futures gonna look like because for

Starting point is 00:15:33 me I think I kind of evaluate the future come January 1 and that's when I start to look at the past and and so that's when I'm starting to wonder as I see virtual reality you know when I was young if you want to do virtual rally had do a little bit acid hit your little lsd you know you know you take a little couple grams of uh you know mushrooms brah I remember doing mushrooms at school once and I remember I had on a green shirt and I thought it was a snake and so half the day I spent half the day hiding from my left arm and and that's hard to do bro that is I mean that's the real rodeo right there you

Starting point is 00:16:30 know I know a lot of these guys in the PBR circuit and stuff they get out there and they do you know eight seconds on fiasco that famous bull but I'd love to see an MF or get out there on about 60 grams of psilocybin and fucking hide from his left arm that snake what else I want to think oh I want to let everybody know January 15th we are doing a live show it is myself and Chelsea Lynn trailer trash Tammy and it's gonna be fun man she's so creative and just she she just have so much joy in her you know I mean damn if you you know you shot a missile at her you just

Starting point is 00:17:16 joy would blow up all over everybody so you'd see somebody just damn slip in a puddle of J.O.Y. but um I'm so excited about that I really am and it's made me feel creative again thinking about that and we've shot some sketches and we're gonna have some live performers it's gonna be something and we're trying to pull it all off live so you can get tickets now the link will be at the top here in the information and and you'll also be able to watch it for about 10 days after that on the link and and it's gonna be great we're really putting a lot of effort into it so I'm excited about that I'm excited to give everybody

Starting point is 00:17:59 like a cool product and and just to do something fun with her and to go outside of my comfort zone you know and last year I really got in my comfort zone and I just think I got scared and a lot of times you know because you know I'd had a couple of years where my career gotten bigger and and I don't know what happened this past year I think I just got kind of spooked maybe I don't know stress lost everything you know me Jesus Christ man I'm Hansel and Gretel bro you know I'm saying I don't know what the fuck's going on man but I'm always missing in the woods brother but yeah you'll be able to grab a ticket to

Starting point is 00:18:46 that and thank you so much for the support in advance and I'm excited to do something with just really a special female talent I feel like and a special talent anyway no matter if she has you know that the vagina not that again and then some of this episode is just going to be flashbacks from the year and producer Nick and our producer Sean in the Central Eastie they're gonna put together some clips from the year that they really enjoyed and what else you know I went home I saw my family man everybody got gold chains I got from the uh I rolled up at the K Jewelers and his fella big Anthony in there little

Starting point is 00:19:35 thick fella kind of mahogany looking guy kind of mixed you know maybe he could have been he was either kind of black and white or maybe Turkish you know kind of black and mild I think you know some uh yeah he was kind of black and mild you know he was beans but he was rice you feel me but anyway shout out big Anthony over there off the interstate who hooked me up with um you know a good deal on a decent amount of silver brother and gold actually I stopped over that coals in my hometown and I bought a dam bought everybody got gold it out in my family so praise god man I'm hopeful hopeful that had they all liked it and

Starting point is 00:20:18 the kids got a nice piece of neck work and I got one man you know nothing nothing crazy but you know some of them I like to frickin flex a little and that's okay man uh yeah it was a you know I got what else did I what else is going on man what else is going on um oh we got a really cool guest it's gonna be on later this week so that's gonna be exciting uh the holidays were good man I drove home dude I went to the slowest Starbucks I want to say it was in Hattiesburg Mississippi and if you haven't been to Mississippi it's very I mean it is like what is it like man it definitely it's a little slavy if you're

Starting point is 00:21:13 in some places it's a little like like you see some of those houses we're like that looks a little slavy but dude this this frickin Starbucks they had nine employees dude or they had they had six employees and they had three people who I think it just bought shirts who were like maybe in like a local frickin s bucks that's uh you know like a damn cheer team or something I don't I don't fucking know you know just give me a venti you know just I never been in a place where so many people were working and nothing was happening you know and then this one fellow that is big I mean husk Varna this dude who was built like I mean he

Starting point is 00:22:05 had he this man was built you know and he had that body hair and he was also I'll be honest with this fellow was probably homoerotic and and because I would tell you because he each time he picked the ticket he would say I'm simian and I'm the bad boy that's gonna be handling your beverage and at first it's cute it's kind of funny like okay okay send me in out here you know this MF about to wrangle a damn you know a chocolaty you know whatever it is Spanish you know custard medium and the shit would take forever bro the shit would take forever so anyway I don't even have a story about that I don't know it's just like if you

Starting point is 00:23:01 work somewhere then just work there all you got to do if you it's like Pete customer service has gotten shitty it's gotten shitty man and maybe it's just I don't know maybe in a minute you know maybe I'm just complaining but I had to wait 25 minutes for a nice coffee and in today's society I could understand if it's 1800 and you got to go down the street you got to hustle the beans you know you got to trade your daughter's you know virginity for a sack of good coffee and you got to come back up you got to grind it yourself you know you got to send your lady to the stream to pick up a batch of H2O she's got to come

Starting point is 00:23:52 back you got to get a fire stick or a hot rock and beat it in the water you know I understand if that's the thing but these bastards have they're basically sitting at the mission control of coffee they got machines they got grinders they got gravity bongs they got anything you could have want in there to put together coffee flavor or essence and water and get you out the door and this big bastard Simeon is over there drawing fucking uh reefs you know damn coral reefs or whatever into the coffee you know and drawing like a lit like a he put one thing he said it was told the lady was like a like a kiss like a lips

Starting point is 00:24:44 kiss bitch get the coffees get the coffee Simeon Jesus man I mean literally I stopped and I just what I I just wanted I just shouldn't stop I should have left and that's my choice man that's my choice when I can't handle it and I stay that's my choice so this year do I have any better choices I just want to find more gratitude I want to be more grateful I should be grateful to live on a planet where I can pull over and ask nine people to help me get a coffee and a half hour later I can have one I should be grateful you know but I had a nice time with my family man I got to see my sisters I got to see my beautiful niece

Starting point is 00:25:35 as they're growing up my sister-in-law is just a real man she just worked so hard to put together a nice Christmas for us and and I got to spend time with my mother man and it was nice you know it was really nice man we had a couple moments that I thought were just just nice moments you know and I'm just proud of my mother man you know I know she listens to this podcast and I just want to say I'm proud of you ma you know I think you're are I'm proud of you so I hope you know that but what do we have man for you guys man I got my love for you I love you and thank you so much for being a part of this man we we've been

Starting point is 00:26:28 doing podcast for over four years now and that's a lot man and what else I went to jujitsu a bunch the past two weeks man if you're struggling with some stuff in your life man get in a jujitsu man I'm sure that I'll lose an arm here in the next week or two and you know I'm sure my life won't be the same I'm sure that I'm gonna you know I'm gonna have arthritis or something in a month but it's there's just something about it if there's just something about it so so thank you guys man for being a part of my life and and I'm just trying to stay hopeful and excited about this new year and to just challenge trying challenge

Starting point is 00:27:18 myself you know there's things we can do where where we could just look at the negative and and sometimes we do that and that's okay but it's nice when we can reframe it you know and we can also look at the good side of stuff and I hope that you guys all have the energy to do that in this coming year and and I hope that I do too so gang maybe you know I'm saying we can do this sometimes we think we can't but I believe that we can I'm gonna turn the episode over to to Nick and Sean who are just I'm not sure how they're gonna package in clips from the year that they really enjoyed and these are their their choices and I'm

Starting point is 00:28:05 gonna let you know also on the way out that today's episode is brought to you by athletic greens look man get athletic greens if you want to feel activated I mean athletic greens will give you athletic browns baby I'm telling you that and they are just a real composite of the things that really tickle you you know it's like them it's like almost like just damn walking through a forest with your mouth open and you get to the end of the walk and you look back and none of the trees have any leaves on them and that's because you've been filled up with that chlorophyll impurities one of the ways

Starting point is 00:28:43 I've taken ownership of my health in this past last year is with athletic greens and it is a game changer do you take that packet you empty it into the water that's why I dug it one ice cube and I'm at the age now where I refill my trays that's people like how old are you I'm like I'm at the age where I refill my trays honestly I felt like I was channeling Crystallia right there I felt a little Delia-esque and a happy new year to Crystallia too I hope that he podcasts again this year man that's another thing that I hope but one of the ways I've taken ownership my health is by taking athletic greens and I like

Starting point is 00:29:22 it you get that water you get that athletic greens you get the ice cube you get it going and you treat yourself with so many stressors in life is difficult to maintain effective nutritional habits that's true I think we've started to feel like we are almost robots and we can keep going without taking care of the equipment because we see so many other things do that but we are still one of the most complex and an intricate machines we need to take care of ourselves one tasty scoop of athletic greens contains 75 vitamins and whole food source ingredients including multivitamin multivitamin

Starting point is 00:29:56 probiotic greens superfood brain food everything get it all simply visit athleticgreens.com slash Th EO and join health experts athletes and health conscious go getters around the world and you will also get a free year supply of vitamin D that's right again visit athleticgreens.com slash Th EO and get your free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs today so that's what you want to get that's the deal man I you know I just don't want to let y'all go I'm excited I'm hopeful I feel good today you know and I need I need to recognize when I do feel good and just say that and just shout it from the

Starting point is 00:30:40 rooftops and also to recognize this year could be the year this year could be there we settle a lot of the beefs there's a lot of beef out on the street you know RV owners and who people that work at Hooters they beefing black people and aliens blacks versus aliens and that's a new thing but that's I've asked probably about 19 black people now and they probably about 13 of them have said you know have led you know have kind of supported some of that that there's a lot of black alien beef out there what else what else would be you know people's beefing other people Mississippi State and whatever team they played the other

Starting point is 00:31:24 day you know so hopefully some of this shit gets figured out as we head into the new year but happy new year to you and and let's see what the boys have I guess coming up now we'll have a maybe a series of clips from the year I'm not sure if I'm supposed to introduce that or if Nick is gonna put something together but there's a series of clips from the year that'll probably play now and and I wish you guys all a beautiful start to your lives and into your world and it's nice to have a new beginning you know especially it's hard right now for a new year I think to feel kind of different because we you know we were

Starting point is 00:32:02 kind of locked in there are some of our same patterns but but I think it can you know it's like when you get new bed sheets or you get your sheets clean that makes me feel good so that's what I'm trying to imagine me just lay just getting in there and it's nice and clean and the bed been made next cozy it up and maybe I'll reach under the edge of my bed and get a little skiddle a little something you know something I hid under there a little treat one of them a little La Lapi taffy singles not the long ones and you know I like to fill my mouth of the snack before I go to bed. But anyway, gang onward to Amsterdam.

Starting point is 00:33:14 And that is a hit from Amsterdam. Hysix is the name of that band. HYSICS with that regional hit called Made in Amsterdam. And that's a strong, you could feel the beat in there. You can feel the undertones and the different overtones as well. Amsterdam, the Dutch baby. The Dutch. By far some of the most aerodynamic people you'll ever see. I mean, the Dutch are downhill, they're downhill individuals. They will, they are in motion. IMD baby, the in motion Dutch. You don't see a lot of still Dutch named 70s still Dutch. Nobody can brother. Okay, they're in motion. Doesn't matter. They're on a tram. They're on roller skates. They're selling a magic carpet and riding on it at the same time. The Dutch

Starting point is 00:34:23 are doing things. If you don't have any missiles, fill your frickin Dutch buddies mouth up with gunpowder and send him on his way, bro. He'll get the job done. They are movers. Tell someone in Amsterdam to keep a secret. No problem. They will never stop long enough to even share what you told them. I mean, everywhere you go in Amsterdam, they're just get on a train on a bike on a boat on a bird on a rumor on a breeze. It's just the Dutch are coming and going. I saw a dude pass by on a Falcon putting on skis and worried he was going to be late for a regional avalanche. They are on the move. Where are you going, brother? Oh, there's a ship. You know, there's a unicycle. There's a bicycle. Doxy cycling. Rocky Johnson.

Starting point is 00:35:36 I'm catching him. He's headed to heaven. Yeah, got to catch the five train man to a canoe to a Uber pool that actually drains into a real pool. And it's a whirlpool. And then I'm meeting your and Vander salute. And hopefully the Bermuda Triangle will still be open because we got to be there. I can't believe they let people get high there. Okay, there's way too many moving parts. It's almost like trying to smoke a blunt in the middle of a game of Tetris on difficult. I mean, I can't be in high there just everywhere. There's just it be like being high in a like a in a conveyor belt factory. Bruh. Nah, found. Nah. Maybe, you know, catch me. I'll be in the hammock area. But Amsterdam. They the Dutch man,

Starting point is 00:36:36 I'm set. I'm telling you, they're aerodynamic for a reason, because they're on the move. And look, if you see if you see a Dutch person, this is how you see them. That's a Dutch. Oh, what's, oh, what's that? Oh, that's a Dutch. Whoa, dang. Oh, man, what was Oh, a Dutch? What was that? Oh, dang. Oh, what's that? Oh, is that hail? Nah, that's a batch of Dutch, son. The Dutch are coming and going. They're in motion. Whoa. Somebody just pulled the floor out from under me. Nah, that's a shift son. That's plate tectonic Dutch. Beautiful city, beautiful people. But you got to be ready to move to move. Everything's in, you know, even the cows there, they running, bro. They're not grazing. They'll you'll see a

Starting point is 00:37:50 cow jump over the moon. Dude, and do it a couple times that day. Everything there on the go. You get a steak at night. There's no meat on it. This cow. Damn. Who's this Carol Lewis? This thing ran right out of his own meat. And the steak be like a damn nugget, bro. Like a beef nugget. You could throw it up in the air. And that's nothing, bro. You got a mouth full of Amsterdam steak. Stay Dutch, baby. I got a debate for y'all. Raisin Canes or Chick-fil-A? Raisin Cane. Gang gang, go Tigers. Gang, bro. Damn, dog. Raisin Cane, dog. What? Raisin Cane, dog. I don't think so, bro. Damn, Chick-fil-A. Raisin Cane. Bro, you tell me you got. Oh my God. No comparison. You tell me you make it through the Atlanta

Starting point is 00:38:48 airport without hitting a Chick-fil-A, showing up at the counter, seeing the beautiful fucking girls that work at the counter admit it. They got the best looking women that work at the counter. You know when I saw you in Chick-fil-A? When I came on from prison flying in airports. Yeah. Oh yeah. You fly Delta, do you? Yeah. So I was raised on raised. It's no other chicken finger. That was the first other chicken. I never ate a Zaxby's. Yeah. I still ain't ate that. I still ain't ate that shit in Atlanta. I looked at it. I say no. They tell me this, the new Raisin Cane. I looked at it. I say, hey, I know. Because I was raised on Raisin Cane like since the first ones in Louisiana. Like I was raised there. Yeah. But dude, Chick-fil-A,

Starting point is 00:39:32 man, you get that little chicken sandwich. You open that bitch up. It's in that foil, bruh. That thing looking at you like a little newborn baby. Got that pickle on it. I related before, but I just don't like them soggy ass pickles. All right. Y'all got them soggy ass pickles. The ice cream pretty good. The fucking nugget's too small. One of those nuggets is three McDonald's nuggets. Now come on, I'll fire Chick-fil-A's up. Now I like Chick-fil-A, but they ain't messing with no Raisin Cane though. What's your idea of that, man? Like truck driver, wild bird meat, you know? Do you think it might be going to his brain a little bit? Anyways, man, thanks. I hope you're doing good. Thanks, brother. Back at you, man. Oh, I think if you

Starting point is 00:40:16 have a little bit of stretch, brother, ain't nothing wrong with you. You know, there ain't nothing wrong. You wake up in the morning and have a couple of eggs and a hit of stretch, you know? Not everybody gets to have ostrich. So maybe, you know, you should, you know, your brother's lucky to have that delicacy, baby. You know, some people that say you can't eat this and you can't eat that. And I say this, watch me, okay? Unless you're gonna come by my house and stand by my plate, I might have a little something, okay? Sometime I might have me a little cut a hawk. All right. I might have me a little basket or half. I might have me half a basket of seal nuggets. All right. Y'all don't tell me what I can have and what I can't. Y'all never

Starting point is 00:41:07 know. I might have a little bit of canary brittle for I shut it down for a night. I might have some adolescent back ribs. I might bring a nine in the joint and have a Popeye's chicken sandwich, okay? I might have something rare. I might have a little bit of a, you know, I might have some Doberman on brioche or some carp tarts or some goldfish filets with a little bit of a reindeer remelod drizzle. Everybody has different desires. So if you got a little bit of stretch over there, if your ladies drop, you know, visiting another man and dropping off a little bit of that freaking long neck omete to him, well, more power to him, brother. That's family. You know, what I hate the most is when my sister drives past my house and don't bring me yet. So thank you for calling,

Starting point is 00:42:10 man. And I hope everybody out there drops off some rare meat to somebody that they love. He does have a different accent. So maybe that's, you know, that's how they would say a lot of French fans do that one. Yeah, that guy was from France. Was that guy really from France? You think it was he just saying that? Oh, that guy from France. Who would just say I'm from France? I don't know. Yeah. But you're right, though. Maybe he lied. He could lie. Yeah, I'm not saying he's a liar. Sorry, man. I'll say it. He could be. And I think the mullet goes, I think we have four different types of mullet. What do you got back there? Yeah, it's growing out a little bit. Oh, you got that New York City mullet, dude. That business. It's a little too long up top. Maybe

Starting point is 00:42:49 if I think if I calmed it all the way down, it would look more like beautiful, bro. You look like, yeah, you look like a damn raccoon that's going to prom. It's wintertime and like wearing this kind of shit makes my hair look like a rat's nest. But it is what it is. You got some beautiful hair. We're like four. I used to have like leopard hair back in the day. It's beautiful hardy. You're doing great. My hat's already back on. Anyway, what about your? What about your hair? Yeah, you got that version. I got that. Mine is a little bit more like women who prefer the company on women, I feel like. Mine is definitely, Morgan's is more mullet. Yours is more, I feel like, kind of, what is yours, Ern? Dude, I don't know. Well, when I get it trimmed

Starting point is 00:43:35 up right and let it sit down, correct? This is, it's outgrown. I got to get Amy to cut it. It's actually, bro, it's actually a bullet because I do it straight. I don't know. I like that the best. When I do it straight across the top and let it drop. Oh, the Lord will find you if you keep it like that. People aren't really cutting for it. Because I can put it back for a casual setting. I wouldn't. I like that. That's, that's like. Well, that's real. I would do that and drink out of the birdbath in the front yard, though. That's like a British, that's like a British sort of. I did this before Miley did it. I will say. He did. I know I did and I know Miley seen it because my name gets dropped. All right. And I know she said, who's Ernest? What a name.

Starting point is 00:44:16 And I looked it up and saw my haircut and said, they'll never know I took it from him. The majority don't. He's trying to get Miley Cyrus on a song. I'm trying to get Miley Cyrus on the phone and figure out where she figured out. That's what I was saying, bro. That haircut, dude. It's a bullet page. I'm sorry. I'm passionate. Ernest, damn it. And heated, huh? Sorry. I drank a suicide on the way here and I'm geeked up. No, you remind me of my Aunt Sally, dude, right now. Honestly, dude, 100%. Wow. And she's badass, too. When you borrowed one of my dad's shirts one time to go swimming in the pool, bro. And it was not made of wood. Did she smoke Virginia's swims? Bro, she smoke medium-sized Virginia's, bro. She's a bigger guy.

Starting point is 00:44:59 I'll say that. Damn, dude. Damn, I look like Aunt Sally. I mean, bro. She was beautiful, too. She won seventh place in the beauty contest. But there was 30 entrants. There was 30 entrants. There was 30 entrants, dude. It's top third, almost, you know. Come on, baby. Dude, lips, come baby, do it. Yes, sir. I don't think we even answer that guy's question. What's your favorite song? What's your most excited? You got it. Yeah, what's the most excited one? And we're going to learn because I didn't do it right. Yeah, what's the most excited one, man? Damn, Morgan. That's a hard question to ask. It is, really. And you shouldn't have to answer something like that.

Starting point is 00:45:42 A bee don't know nothing. A bee is like a blind guy with a damn hatchet. You know, he don't know you from Adam, bro. You know, he'll sting his fucking stepmother if you give him half a dollar. Like, a bee don't give a damn. If you crack open a bee, there ain't a damn in that thing. They had a fella out there who was a groundskeeper. And a groundskeeper, basically, somebody that's homeless, but also, you know, kind of hangs out in one specific area. And this fella, bee eye, they call him, he had a glass eye or some type of textile eye. You know, this fella had something happen. You know what I'm saying? He lost one of them

Starting point is 00:46:31 bad sight balls and somebody, you know, hooked him up with that replica. And he would get bees. There were bees everywhere. Bees on every, there was bees on everything. Bees on every trash can had a thousand bees on it. And he would take a bee and he would sting right into his own eye with it. And it would freak the kids out because we never seen it. And then here you go. He's doing it. Bees, baby. Mother nature's freaking pitchforkers dog. And this fella would just sting his own eye with them. Just take him and just sting right in his own eye because he had a, not a homemade eye, but semi homemade, you know, to step up from homemade. Like maybe they'd made it in home act. So he had that, you know, he had that home act

Starting point is 00:47:21 eye and he would just, and if you didn't know, the new kids didn't know. So every time after lunch, he'd get a kid over there and get his, get a live bee and sting his own eye with it. The idea of anything that's like, you know, you're turning a straight guy. Yeah. People, that's like a fantasy that people have, but here's the thing. If you do that, are they straight? Right. That's the other thing. Like there's a lot of people out there that are like, yeah, I fucked your straight guy. It's like, yeah, maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe they weren't being honest with you. Yeah. You fucked a liar. Yeah. You fucked someone who's claiming to be straight, but it's like, yeah. I don't like, I've met guys and they've been like, yeah,

Starting point is 00:47:59 I've never been on a date with a guy before. I'm like, that's a lie. Yeah. I'm not the guy that brings you into homosexuality. Yeah. You've been here. Yeah. I'm not the gateway drug. I'm not the guy. Yeah. I'm not like Taylor Lautner who's like, you're like, let's give it a shot. I'm like, you've been down the road a little bit here. If you're going out with me, you've been down the road. You've had some experiences. You don't go straight to like math, you know? You hung out at some college party, smoked a little weed, then lost your job and decided, you know what? I want to taste glass in my lungs. Yeah. I'm not the gateway drug. I'm not like the fun party drug. No. So I think that the people, yeah, obviously it's a legit straight guy where you're like,

Starting point is 00:48:42 whoa, this guy's legit straight. I think a lot of people are fibbing, especially in Hollywood. I think they're lying. Yeah. Now, do you think there's also, now we talk about drug-induced homosexuality a lot on this podcast. Sure. Okay. And do you believe in that? That at a certain point. I believe in drug-induced drug addiction. Right. So I believe that you will I believe that you will do things to get drugs. Right. But do you think though that people will get fucked up enough that at a certain point, like at 10 o'clock, everybody's having beers, nobody's gay. At 1 a.m., when somebody has an eight ball of Coke in them, suddenly two guys are gay out of the group. And you're like, oh, this is...

Starting point is 00:49:22 It might be that or it might be two guys love Coke. Right. Like in that Tiger King thing, those guys weren't gay. Right. They went with women right after that. That was their... Right. Yeah. He was their supplier of drugs. I see. And then after that, they were like, yeah, I want to fuck women. So they engaged in gay activities to get drugs. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Is it possible that if you're doing drugs, you start to be like... It's easier to be gay. Yeah. But it's easier to be anything. Right. When you're on drugs, it's easier to be anything.

Starting point is 00:49:52 Yeah. Like when I used to drink, I thought I had money. I didn't have any money. But I was drunk. So I thought, I was like, oh, it's easier to be rich. I'm rich. Here's money. Dinner's on me. I was like, it's so easy to be rich. I don't have any money. Then you're so broke, you go, I don't actually have money. But when I'm drunk, I feel like I have money. Yeah. So you act like you have money. I see. Yeah. So yeah, drug induced, anything could happen. Anything could happen. Yeah. Yeah. Especially the drugs that they have now. You know? Like it's like the argument, it's like bath salts. It's like,

Starting point is 00:50:25 is it easier to fight a pit bull when you're on bath salts? The answer is yes. You know? It's like, would that... But that person probably wasn't a complete stranger to that type of behavior. Right. That person's probably choked a fucking jackassle before. Yeah. Yeah. That person's probably dropped kicked a cat or something. Yeah. And they just got really into like fighting pits, you know, when they had. Yeah. So maybe for some people, it's them taking on a fear that they didn't know that they had. That might be it. Yeah. Do you think some people view homosexuality as a fear?

Starting point is 00:50:58 Yeah. Sure. I think anybody, anytime you lose control of your image, you're scared. So when you say you're a gay person, when you say you're a political, like if somebody says, I'm a conservative or I'm a liberal or I'm a socialist or I'm gay or I'm a vegan, all of a sudden you lose control of your image. You lose control of your individuality because that group is associated with all kinds of things. Some of them are great. Some of them aren't. So the minute that people view you as a member of a group. Oh, it's scary. And if people lose their ability to like manage their, their own image and then people like,

Starting point is 00:51:35 oh, well, you're a gay, are you like this? Are you going to act like this or whatever? Are you, you know, so I think the fear is the stigma that's attached to that group. Okay. So for a while there's a stigma attached to homosexuality and I'm sure there still is in many parts of the country and everywhere. So the stigma, people fear that. Do, um, are more met, do you feel like you get hit on by more Mexican men or? Probably on the apps. I don't really answer a lot of the app things, but yeah. I could see that though.

Starting point is 00:52:03 Yeah. I, I, there's, I, I do well with like Mexicans. I don't go out with Mexicans. That white delight I bet they hit on. Yeah. And I'm not racist, but I just don't ever like, I never. Oh, really? Yeah. No, I just, you know what it is. I feel like a Mexican man would be easy to date kind of, you know, especially because there's a language barrier. I've gone out with Spanish guys. I don't know actually like, like when you say Mexican,

Starting point is 00:52:25 I think of like a, like some guy. Like a five four. Just a guy in a truck. Okay. A dude in a truck who doesn't speak English. Now I know that that's a racist thing, but I've never been out with, I think with an official 100% Mexican guy, but I've gone out with guys that were Hispanic, but a lot of guys hit on me that are like from other parts of the world.

Starting point is 00:52:44 Wow. Yeah. White people don't are not into it. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. I think I'm the symbol of, I think a bigger white guy is a symbol of prosperity to other races. Oh, I could see that.

Starting point is 00:52:55 Yeah. So I think, I think, uh, Because you come, yeah, they're used to seeing you come to their country to like get to date, to date and for sex. Yeah. They're like, oh, this is the guy who comes down for sex tourism. Let's just get him now. Yeah. Let's just, let's just steal his wallet now. This is the guy who, who shows up on the train and looks around a little bit and nods

Starting point is 00:53:16 and taps his cane on the ground. The guy goes to the Philippines for the food. So let's just rob him now. Let's just take his money now and he doesn't have to buy the flight. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah. You almost, you look like, Yeah. Like I look like a guy who goes to FDR's grandson.

Starting point is 00:53:34 I look like a guy that will go, you know, the Eli Roth hostel, that movie. I look like a guy who goes to Bratislava and who wants to just saw people in app. And then just goes back to his bank job and just sit back on the golf course, just hitting balls. Just like, yeah, I went away. We, there's a great little spot. You can go and just saw people's limbs off. Great tacos.

Starting point is 00:53:54 Yeah. Good tacos. A lot of fun. So I think those people see me and they're like, oh good, you know, fat white guy, maybe phosphorus. Yeah. Yeah. I could, yeah. That's totally wild. Yeah. You seem like the guy who made like the monopoly that all got like his son,

Starting point is 00:54:07 like kind of one of his sons that went to like a nice school. I look like a guy that didn't earn the money, but somehow I have it. Yeah. Like I didn't earn it. I didn't come up with the thing. Yeah. But like I'm Orville Redenbacher's great grandson. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:18 And we just made. Lonnie Redenbacher. Lonnie Redenbacher. I just made my living pop and corn. And I just sit at the local bar and I'm real free with my opinions. And I've never earned a dollar in my life. I've never earned an honest dollar in my life. And I'm just living off popcorn money from like four generations ago.

Starting point is 00:54:36 Oh man. Yeah. Great. It's like being on your Twitter, dude. Yeah. So good. So good. That's what I, that's what I look like. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:42 But again, you can't control your image. Right. I just look racist. Yeah. I look like a. You think so? Yeah. I look like a cop who shot a toddler.

Starting point is 00:54:50 Oh. Yeah. You know. But you look like the cop that like, whoa, how did this guy get up? Like this guy. Yeah. How did he get on the force? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:56 How do you, how do you. Like if you've been on the force for eight years, it's like, oh yeah, he's been on the force for eight years. Right. But he just got on the force. How did it even happen? Yeah. How did it even happen?

Starting point is 00:55:04 Yeah. Who did he bribe to get here? We'd steal some liquor during the day and go bury it in the sand and then go get it back at night like a, you know, like turtles do and so then we'd dig it up at night and go drink it and then we'd meet up with strangers on the beach. Strange women. God, dude. I met this girl that was in the Wiccan one time, witch crafter.

Starting point is 00:55:24 What the fuck. And me and. She wasn't into it. She was in it. She was doing it. She was literally walking on the beach in the middle of the night. No, man. At age 15, dude.

Starting point is 00:55:33 And we, I don't know what we did, but we did something, man. That is always the creepiest story and especially on the receiving end. As a kid, it's a cool story. But when you're a father and your kids come back from the beach saying that shit, because my son did it in Maui, they came running back in. They're like, oh, we met some dudes on the beach. I'm like, the fuck. What do they look like?

Starting point is 00:55:56 Like, well, you don't hang out with dudes at the beach. No, they were cool. Dad. No, they're, no, they weren't. Yeah. No man talking to 15 year old kids is cool at the beach. That's true, man. Dude, when I think back, because when I, we had this fellow named Richard Langenstein

Starting point is 00:56:14 and the listeners know this and this fellow was eventually convicted or semi-convicted pedophile. And, but when I was young, he was just this cool guy that we went to smoke weed with and would buy us steaks. Yeah. Did you fall asleep a lot? Huh? Did you fall asleep around this guy? There's a couple of half memories that I have that I don't want to read all the way through.

Starting point is 00:56:35 Yeah, yeah. Don't go through. I don't want to read the second half of the book. But he was, but at the time we thought it was so cool that he would, he drove one of my friends to Vegas for the weekend, right? Like, pretty sketchy. Right there, right there. Cue religious brother, accuse a molestant student.

Starting point is 00:56:49 But this was after. And you knew him. Oh yeah, dude. I used to smoke weed with that fellow, man. He was a teacher at our school, man. He was a teacher? I introduced him like half of my friends. What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:57:05 So here's what I didn't realize, man. I was a freaking, like a, like a penis mule for this guy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you were bringing him in. Yeah, it is. Cause I met him at school. He was a substitute teacher. You were like that girl on Smallville, Alison Mack.

Starting point is 00:57:17 Yeah, yeah. I was a recruiter. Should be serving 120 years right now. The free Ghislaine, dude. God damn. But anyway, but at the time it's so crazy at the time how I thought, oh, it's so cool. It's so normal. I'm just, I'm lucky we met this cool guy.

Starting point is 00:57:31 Yeah. Now when I think about it. Okay. If at 40, I'm at smoking weed with a 15 year old. Yeah. I'm not doing well, man. It would be insane to do that. That's, it doesn't even make sense.

Starting point is 00:57:45 No. It's so wild how from the other side of the, that's what I'm saying. It's so clear. When, when Mike, you gotta remember, I'm taking responsibility of all my nephews. Like I've told the, their parents, I got it. Don't worry. They're going to be safe.

Starting point is 00:58:00 And they come running back into the, into the house. And they're all like, yo, we met these dudes, man. There's no, come here. What? Duncan took a hit. Like my oldest cut, my oldest nephew took a hit. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you guys doing?

Starting point is 00:58:15 What's going on? Why would you do that? Yeah. Who are these guys? They just disappeared. Yeah. Duncan got his nails done by some guy. I feel, I feel weird if I hang out with Gianni.

Starting point is 00:58:27 He's only 24. Yeah. That's a good point. That's eight years that I feel weird. 15. Yeah. Yeah, man. If, if I get a DM or anything like that, it's always like, Hey man,

Starting point is 00:58:37 thank you so much kid. Yeah. Tell your mom and dad. I said hi. I swear to God. I don't. I pop up, pop up. I mean, hey, tell your father.

Starting point is 00:58:48 Mr. Coy says thank you. All right, man. Do your homework. It's sketchy now, especially do. Hell no. I'll ask a girl straight up if they're going to try to meet to me or not. Yeah, you should. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:00 Yeah. Just so I haven't been writing. You know. Yeah, that's good. Like, wait, this girl's meet to me and said she wasn't going to meet to me. You said clearly you weren't. Yeah. What?

Starting point is 00:59:13 Yeah. What's going on here? That Corona virus been COVID-19. Well, I don't know if you guys know or not, but the primate center that I grew up around in Covington, Louisiana. And why, you know, they had us out there wrangling chimps. And when I was probably, I don't even know. Just I don't even know how tall I was.

Starting point is 00:59:34 Maybe Titty high on a middle-aged woman. You know, top of the Titty. But you know, they gave that same center where monkeys escaped in my hometown growing up. They gave them $40 million to fight this virus or to try and cure it. Dude, I'm telling you this, man. In my town bar, they ain't curing shit, man. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:00:06 No doubt. I'm not saying, but look, they got a Popeye's four blocks from the freaking primate center. They ain't nobody's curing shit around there. I'm not saying they're not doing a decent job or this or that or they're not going to test and do the testing stuff. But look, if you come down by the Chifonkter River and you expect us to solve it all, save the world, we're not doing that. We don't do that.

Starting point is 01:00:36 We want the monkeys to have a little fun. We want everybody to flare up a little. We're doing Mardi Gras. We're doing recipes. We ain't saw. We ain't doing all of the bullshit saving everybody. That's not us. That's not us.

Starting point is 01:00:50 Somebody has to go. Somebody has to go to heaven. Somebody has to go to hell. I grew up in this in the stray animal belt, so you come down and you can pump 200 billion. You could put a billion dollars in 200 billion, baby, or one billion. And look, I'm telling you, even better off, just buying you a dozen of fresh oyster with a little bit of bread pudding dessert and calling it a wrap, son, and save your monkey and save your money to learn the dirty behaviors.

Starting point is 01:01:32 You know, the M word. First time I ever heard the M word, I was in first grade, and these black kids came into our neighborhood. We lived in a poor white neighborhood, and there was a poor black neighborhood across Nebraska, or not Nebraska, I forget. Well, dude, that's pretty far, then, if you're thinking. No, no, no, no. That was the street name.

Starting point is 01:01:52 Not the... Oh, right on, bro. Yeah. And so... Like, damn, this dude did not live by black people. He said they fucking lived a state away, so they were like, wow. They were in Nebraska, and we were in Florida, and it was scary, man. I got to be honest with you.

Starting point is 01:02:09 It was touching going times. Yeah, dude, definitely. I mean, we heard stories. Oh, yeah, the rumor mill. I saw a note in a bottle one time in the river. It was crazy. Watch out for the blacks. They're coming, and then you look over your shoulder real quick.

Starting point is 01:02:26 Yeah. That's crazy, man. Oh, the N-word? Somebody said it? So these black kids lived across this main street from us, and then they came into our neighborhood, I guess, and stole my football. My football, I had a Duke Jr. with a shoelace, a tan shoelace, as the strings we used to play in the street, and so the string for the shoelace ripped.

Starting point is 01:02:51 My dad replaced it with a tan shoelace. It was very distinguishable, and a little part, we couldn't tie it, so there was a little part of the shoelace sticking out. So they came into our neighborhood, and they asked if they wanted to play us a football, and they had my football, and these two brothers, Daryl and Darren, like, yo, they must, I mean, when I remember this story, I feel like they were 1817. They were probably just like 10 and 11, and I was six, and they were like, yo, that's his football, and they're like, no, this is his football, this little,

Starting point is 01:03:21 other little black kid, and they're like, fight him for it. And I was like, I had first grade, I was not fighting anyone. I was wearing a loincloth and knee-high moccasins. Oh, yeah. And so. Danny's fighting his sexuality, bro, at that time. My dad's like, get him some knee pads. He's going to be a fucking dick.

Starting point is 01:03:37 So, so, so. And he's going to need knee pads to do it. What a pussy. That's a crazy part, man. What about the good old days, man, when you would suck dick with no. Skin your knees and you suck a dick. Be a man about it. Yeah, bro.

Starting point is 01:03:54 Support the union. You freak. What kind of gay guy puts on knee pads? Suck a dick like a man, man. A backup gay, dude. That's you. You might have had to pull my socks up. Oh, dude, that's hilarious.

Starting point is 01:04:12 You might have. Oh, my God. Pull my socks up. I don't want to skin my knees when I suck your dick. Go ahead, buddy. Whatever you got to do, man. Do you mind if I pull my pants down for some cushioning on my knees? Oh, fuck.

Starting point is 01:04:27 Man, if I take my shirt off and just tie it around both of my knees. Hey, is it cool if I take my shoes off and put my knees in my and. Like, I don't even think you shouldn't even be gay, little guy. Anyone who does that, you're like, this is your first time sucking dick. You do this. What? Just sitting on your feet and kneeling on your fingers. Actually, if you had to blow some, dude, that's not a bad.

Starting point is 01:04:56 Like, I would go through all of those things before you. You got to have some ways to get out of it. I've gotten down on my wife on the side of the bed with my knees on the wood floors. Oh, that's crazy. Grab a pillow, put them under your knees. But anyway, so these black kids come in the neighborhood and they fight this kid. And I was like, I've never been in a fist fight. I want to be in a fist fight.

Starting point is 01:05:17 And then Daryl and Darren looked at me like, are we going to have to do this for you? And I was in my head. I was like, give him the fucking ball. I don't care. My dad already bought me a new one. And then they got in a fight. They get into a fight.

Starting point is 01:05:31 Daryl fights one of the dudes, or Darren, one of the younger one fights a black dude. And it's like five black kids and then seven white kids, or eight white kids, or more white kids, because they're in a neighborhood. And the dad comes out and the dad starts chanting, fight, fight. And we're in a white. White don't win. We all jump in. And I am, and then he's hitting me.

Starting point is 01:05:51 It's your ball, motherfucker. Channing, Channing. And here I am, just some first grader in a loincloth and knee-high moccasins. Just fight, fight. And then I said, then I said the word in front of my dad. And it was fucking over. Really? Oh, it was during a box.

Starting point is 01:06:06 Your dad fought him? No, no, no. My dad took me down to their fucking house, walked me down, stood in the fucking thing. I said, don't ever talk to my son. Don't ever. I told my dad everything that happened. They stole my ball. This is what he asked me to say.

Starting point is 01:06:16 Don't ever talk to my son. And we moved out of that neighborhood. Month later. Month later, we were out of that fucking. When I was growing up, you knew not to say the N word. If somebody beat your ass, that's how you knew. You know what I'm saying? Like, that was the litmus.

Starting point is 01:06:26 It was like, that's how you learned about it. It was like, oh, somebody said it, somebody got their ass beat, and then that was it. It's so funny, man. I never heard it. Like, I mean, I heard it when we lived in that neighborhood. And then I never heard it in our new neighborhood. I never heard it. And then I never, I never heard it.

Starting point is 01:06:42 And I heard it a little bit in high school, but it was, we had a black friend, Kari Brown. And all the kids that grew up with him would drop the word. But as a, like, not derogatory, just as like a joke. If it was the pun, like in a Louis CK way, if it was the punch line of a joke, meaning towards Kari or, but very lighthearted. And they were like guys that he grew up with his whole life. And then I heard a lot in college.

Starting point is 01:07:05 I heard it fucking. Well, I went to Florida State and we were segregated. It was like FAMU in Florida State. So I heard a lot in college. FAMU is a more black college? 100%. Yeah. And I used to drive the black chicks.

Starting point is 01:07:16 They'd call. They always lived in one dorm. It's so funny. I ran into this woman the other day who went a black chick my age. I went to Florida State and I said, Hey, did you ever take a safe escort? That's what I was. I drive them around campus and like a K car. Do you remember a K car?

Starting point is 01:07:30 Pull up a K car. Can you? It was like the fucking biggest beater you could ever have. I think it's called a K car or a Q car. It's like an old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:41 Renault. That's a, that's a Renault, isn't it? Price are K. That was a, that was what, but it was white. And so, and then they would, what would happen is you knew if the black chicks called on a Saturday night, because you, it was just taking people to the libraries where you're supposed to go. Okay.

Starting point is 01:07:56 But if the black chicks called on a Saturday night, you knew they wanted to go to FAMU from Florida State. Okay. And we weren't allowed to drive to FAMU. But once they got in the car, you had to take them wherever they went. So what would happen is they go, they go, we have a pick up a debony hall, based on 119, but pick up a debony hall. Her name's Laquisha.

Starting point is 01:08:11 And you go, okay. You'd be like, is it how many passengers are like just one? That's what they say. And so you'd pull up and then she'd like wave to you and you go, Hey, and as she wave, they'd pile in the other side of the car and she'd get in. They go, we're going to FAMU, bitch. I loved it though, because I, because I love hip hop. So I would just talk hip hop with them the entire time.

Starting point is 01:08:31 I learned about Wu-Tang Clan that way. I bought the Method Man album through them. I learned about a Swabhouse, MJG and eight ball. It was like, it was like the funnest for me because I loved hip hop. Oh yeah. And so we would just, I'd be like, what are you guys listening to? And I was driving them for like fucking 20 minutes. So we just listening to hip hop.

Starting point is 01:08:52 There was no player and there was no player in there. Sometimes they'd have. And we all wearing seatbelts and everything. No, there'd be so many people. I was back with seatbelts for like, People don't even die back then dude. Who wore seatbelts? I see my kids putting on seatbelts.

Starting point is 01:09:03 I'm like, what do you guys need? Knee pads or blowjobs? What do you got to put your shoes and your knees and your A6 for you? Blow a guy, huh kids? Take out your inserts. Yeah. You know, I took some biscuit out there to the lake to feed to some ducks. And you know, me, man, if I'm in a new area,

Starting point is 01:09:21 I like to get acclimated with the animals, bro. I'll pet an animal, you know, I'll pick a snail up and walk three or four feet and set him down, you know, saving fucking five days of travel. That's who I am. You know, I'll pet a dog. I'll whistle at a falcon. I'll fucking, you know, I go out and feed a duck. I see a duck, I feed a duck.

Starting point is 01:09:43 And I give a duck bread, right? So anyway, I'm feeding them next thing, you know, I started getting, I put it on my Instagram story. I start getting DMs, people angry. You can't give them bread. You can't give them bread, you know, they'll die. You know, they'll be, oh, this is what they said. Oh, if you give them bread, they get too jacked up on energy

Starting point is 01:10:04 and they will rape each other. Look, man, I'm not doing all of that. I took a half a biscuit and went out there to treat these animals to get acclimated to the area. If somebody else, if they're doing all of it, you know, I'm not doing part of sexual abuse for animals. I'm not doing any of this. If they don't want bread, data shouldn't come eat it.

Starting point is 01:10:31 That's not on me. People attacking me. You're going to hell, bread boy. And then sending me two caskets in a picture of a duck. Emojis, man. That's mother nature, man. If there's a glitch in her pattern, she will work it out. And these ducks look like they wanted the bread.

Starting point is 01:10:53 That's the thing. You know, it's like, oh, they can't digest it. They will rape each other. Well, look, man, I'm not, I didn't come to town to be part of that. It's a wild thing somebody wants to have in there when they die. Somebody throwing a little can of ruffles, or somebody put a little couple of starbursts in there or something. Okay, you know, it's, it's not uncommon.

Starting point is 01:11:12 A big thing. A lot of people take cigarettes with them, you know, because you take somebody who's smoked. Oh boy. You know, they'll put that, they'll put that, you know, cigarettes in that shirt pocket. You're going to want that smoke, dude. If you, if I'm dead, bro, light me up a damn 100, baby.

Starting point is 01:11:29 You know what I'm saying? I'm burning a fucking Winston dog. If I'm dead, man, I ain't milling around. You know, I've had, you know, you know, a lot of people put pictures of themselves, you know. And what about a joint? Somebody sneak a joint in there sometime. I'm not going to say that that's never happened,

Starting point is 01:11:46 because, you know, when we're, when we're standing back up there and the family goes up for their final viewing, there's no telling what they could stick in there. You know, I've had, I've had some very interesting stuff. You know, I had somebody request to be buried with their shotgun. Amen. You know, so they took their shotgun with them, you know. What about, can they,

Starting point is 01:12:05 now if somebody requests to be buried with an eight ball, you know, and I'm not talking bowling, I'm talking that cocaine, baby. Can you make, can you make, do you have to do that? Well, the thing about it is, since that would be an illegal drug, you know, we wouldn't be required to do that. But you know, if somebody, if somebody were to bring that in

Starting point is 01:12:24 and, you know, sticking up under the foot of the casket, you know, I'm not, I don't keep a drug sniffing dog at the funeral home. So it might just go on through, you know, it might just go with them. It might go with them. Yeah. So.

Starting point is 01:12:35 Yeah, that's one thing. There's no TSA when you flying up to heaven, man. That's right. That's right. You're not going to be, you're not going to be searched. You know, so. Now, what's the wildest thing somebody's put in there? Somebody ever put something that's a little too big in there?

Starting point is 01:12:49 You know, somebody tried to put a little chainsaw or a leaf blower or something. If somebody died doing a, you know, during a dangerous, you know, leaf blowing or something, you know, you know, I've never put, I don't think any power tools in there, but. I'd go with a damn sander or something, you know. So what are you going to use that sander for?

Starting point is 01:13:08 Who knows? But I'll tell you it is. If you show up and you the only do with a sander, you're going to be, you're going to be steady working. That's right. But we're not supposed to work in the afterlife. But I'm sure there's a couple of opportunities to make it a little.

Starting point is 01:13:20 You always want to side us, don't you? Can somebody get buried with their money if they want to? If they want to bring it in, they can get buried with it. Have you ever had somebody that that was their request and they put it in there? Not all their money. You know, I've, I've had people, you know, want to get buried, you know, with, you know,

Starting point is 01:13:37 great daddy always wanted to kept a, you know, a $2 bill or, you know, he always had change in his pocket. You know, didn't want to go anywhere without a little money. You know, I've had that, but I've never had anybody say, we're going to put a million dollars in this casket. Yeah. Because, you know, then you, then you get to the age on question.

Starting point is 01:13:58 If you put a million dollars in there, let's say you put a million dollars in there and cash, and then if somebody were to take the cash and write you a check for it, you've still got a million dollars. So, so nobody normally puts cash in there. They just, Maybe we'll put a check.

Starting point is 01:14:19 Yeah. So I guess if you want to, I guess if you wanted to go with a million dollars, we could write you a check for a million dollars because you wouldn't be able to cash it. Yeah. Yeah. I'd rather send the check.

Starting point is 01:14:29 Just in case later you decide, dang, I wish I had that cash. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever stolen anything from anybody? No, sir. No, sir.

Starting point is 01:14:37 That, that'd be bad for business. Yeah. Be bad for business. You know, I don't understand why are we going to space all the time? No, we can't handle, we, we can't handle shit here. You know, two out of, two out of seven Americans can't swim, and we out there getting in the deep end of the, of the galaxy with no floaties on, bro.

Starting point is 01:14:59 You see what they send these dudes out there in? This thing like a damn 84 Chevy Blazer, sometimes a bit that thing they send these dudes out there. You know, and it, I just don't understand what we're doing. It's so lit. Like I'm not saying it's not fun to think about what's out there, but I just, all of them, I just send them people to space. We send two dudes out of Florida,

Starting point is 01:15:28 couple spring break addicts every time down here in Florida, we blasting two bad boys out there. It's like, come on, going to space, the moon. That's the thing. Oh, we want, we had a couple of fellas on the moon. Dude, being on the moon is kind of like that guy that gets on your, like at a pool party who gets up on the roof of the house. He's like, come on, look at me.

Starting point is 01:15:57 Bruh, you ain't doing much up there, buddy. There ain't nothing up there for you, man. And it seems like a cool idea. He's climbing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he gets up there. It's like, man, there's no vending machines. There's only the opportunity for real failure.

Starting point is 01:16:18 You know, there's only, you're going to end up in the white section of world star hip hop videos, daddy. I'm just saying, man, it's time to get back to the roots. We got to focus on our own little space that's going on here. Bruh, this chief calling from Texas. What's up chief? What up chief? Boy, and you know this fella probably huffing on that bag.

Starting point is 01:16:44 You don't get the name chief these days. Chief used to be a Native American superior term. If you're a captain of the Native Americans, if you basically this, you know, the Chris Pratt of Joeya, if you's a real, you know, if you that top dog in the, in the feather, in that, in that, in that feather club, then you would get that name chief. But more recently, chief is more of a, okay, you know, little Gary does a lot of chief in that.

Starting point is 01:17:18 Hey, sucking on that gas, bro, puffing that, that goo goo, that herb, baby that, that weed huffing that nasty nasty. You know, he huffing that fuck, you know, Mr. McGregor's gun powder dog. I'm talking about marijuana. I'm talking about that puff puff. I'm talking about that to your brain, that dope weed. Onward was watching the podcast of the fucking ladies night one, whatever the fuck that was.

Starting point is 01:17:54 Yeah, it was ladies night, brother. Onward watching that shit just now. You said, what do you think is going to go away in the near future, talking about pooping their temps taking shit like that? Right. We were talking about people last on last episode, we're talking about people getting their temperatures taken when you go to an event. You know, you go somewhere and now in the future, they might, you know,

Starting point is 01:18:17 take your temperature, check it for snot. They might, you know, touch your kid's little ass or something. See if it's hot. See if you bring it in a little Timothy or whatever with that hot ass. Because you can't do it. You can't do that. You're not going to be able to do that as well. You're bringing that up temperature temp, temp, tempathy.

Starting point is 01:18:37 It's not going to go over well with others. Let's hear more, brother. Thank you for the call. Uh, what's going to go away? I think, you know, you're not from Texas like I am, you know, but they're probably had 10 or 15 makes two restaurants in Louisiana. What's going to go away though is chips and queso and chips and salsa. Son, that shit is done.

Starting point is 01:18:57 That's not going to be on the menu no more son, unless you get it individually. It's not an appetizer. No more. You know what I'm saying? Cause what's everybody doing? They're getting the chips, bringing chips to the dip, putting it straight in their mouth, going back to the chips, going back to the dip, putting it back straight in their mouth.

Starting point is 01:19:11 Damn, you know, lean with it, rock with it. Uh, you know, you can't sanitize every time you touch a chip. You know what I mean? Them chips are just going to be too salty after a while. So, so yeah, RIP to RIP to queso and salsa gang, gang, gang, bro. Man, wow. I hadn't thought about that. Yeah, you're going to have to, each person will have to bring a couple of their own

Starting point is 01:19:32 chips from home. But yeah, you can't have that group. You can't have that, that, that swimming pool in the middle of the table, that little cheese fucking strip mall in the little of the table and everybody's just scooping in, getting this, picking up a pair of Adidas or picking up a pair of a, you know, Motorola or something or get some speakers or some fucking Chinese food. That Chang chop, you know. That's going to be interesting, man.

Starting point is 01:19:57 Yeah, that could be one thing that could go away. Now you got to bring a couple of chips from home or something. You got to write, you know, your name on a chip. Darren, you know, Lil Ricky and Lil Ricky got four chips. You know, when Darren got nine chips, Darren's big ass got nine chips and Hector Hector over there and you know, he got, you know, chips running his family. So he got 40 chips. Come on, Hector.

Starting point is 01:20:28 Well, you got 40 chips, bro. Shoot the nine pointer, Papa. And I can't imagine y'all aren't doing swinging. And there's a lot of swinging out there in the Midwest too, especially in Missouri. Do you encounter any of that? Hey, you hear any stories of it? Is there any? No, actually, if there's mostly what I see is men that are single out there picking up

Starting point is 01:20:47 the lot lizards, you know, and they'll get what they want and then send them on their way. Then they stop to the next truck. You got to worry about them girls sometimes because I've been told that they can actually lay underneath your trailer. And as you're coming out to say, if you're a man, you're staying out there taking a piss. They cut your ankle or something. They can cut you. Cut you in the back of the ankle like on the hospital.

Starting point is 01:21:08 And you rob your ass. Just like hostile. And that's you got to watch them. I've watched them at night when I'm just pulled in and it's two o'clock in the morning and it's been raining. I'll see, you know, it's actually raining. There's a woman walking around a pair of shorts and high heels and she's tapping on each door. Well, it's dark.

Starting point is 01:21:29 Can't really tell. That helps. But you see her, you know, going from door to door to door to truck to truck to truck. And then the next thing you know, she disappears for about 20 minutes. And then she's out again. You'll see a light on in the truck. That's the dome. Then, you know, let's say, ah, the dome.

Starting point is 01:21:45 Oh, I know what you're doing. Uh-huh. And then she'll come out. But I've seen them walk around the trucks like they're looking for shit. Right. Or maybe they're going to disconnect something or pull something. You got to watch them because you don't know what they're doing. Starting running into the same fella that in a car, right up alongside of me, just grinning

Starting point is 01:22:07 and waving, you know, from his car. And I'm like, yeah, how you doing? And I'm driving on, you know, next thing I know, he's blowing his horn. So I glance down and he's got his junk hanging out. Oh, wow. Okay. His penis, huh? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:20 Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Dear God. Then he backs off. Okay. Then he comes back up alongside of me again. He's grinning even bigger this time. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:27 His pants are down to his knees this time. Okay. Well, I'm sitting here just driving, you know, like literally wanting to put my hand next to my face, you know, and just kiss here because I'll slow down, you know, for them to speed up a little bit. Then they'll go back and then they'll keep alongside of me the whole time, no matter what I'm doing. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:44 Regardless of the traffic that's going on around us. It's just you and them in the world, huh? It's like, oh, slow dancing. Right. I saw this guy five separate occasions, same stretch of 65 in Indiana. And I named him Jerk Off Jim. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:59 He's out there, huh? He painted his steering wheel. Did he? Yes, he did. What color? White. That body glaze, I bet. Damn nasty.

Starting point is 01:23:13 So now you can see his paint. Now, can you see from the truck, from your perspective? Oh, yeah. It's the perfect view. You can see over to the driver's side. I can see everything. Wow. Inside of a vehicle, a four wheeler.

Starting point is 01:23:25 So if I'm driving, right, and I have my penis out. Yes. Can you, and you're in a rig. Yes. How can you see my wiener? Can you see it from through the front window? No, it's from the side, your side window, the passenger side. So you can see from the passenger, from where you are.

Starting point is 01:23:41 Yeah, if you're passing me. Wow. So you're passing me in the fast lane. I'm in the slow lanes, two lane highway. Like I 65 is through Indiana. Yeah, I could see everything inside of your vehicle. Your back seat, front seat, driver's seat. So if I put my penis out, you could see it.

Starting point is 01:23:55 I could see everything. That's awesome. I could almost count the hairs. Oh, wow. Almost. Hell yeah, look, I didn't know y'all had such good sights. Oh, it's a hell of a view. It's the upstairs view from, you know, seeing y'all from downstairs.

Starting point is 01:24:09 It was like, remember when you got one of those shitty, uh, those sprint phones, those next tells or whatever? But you could only, you could call people, but then you could just talk to, also you could talk to one person. So you could call anybody you wanted, but then you'd be in the middle of a call. They're like, yeah, everything's going good. Every, and then your cousin or somebody, fire department, whoever, the only other person that had to walkie, your girlfriend.

Starting point is 01:24:37 She's like, we need some fucking milk. And you'd be like, honey, hold on, hold on, hold on, buddy. Remember that thing that next tell? Remember that thing that next tell? We need some fucking milk, Randall. You're like, oh, oh, fuck, oh, hold on, Damien. Oh, must be, lines must be crossed up. And then you click sneak, uh, click over. Psalms.

Starting point is 01:25:08 Hey, I'm sorry. I'll be right there. The other, uh, there's a long line. There ain't no fucking line. You're lying. Oh, I'm sorry, man. I got to go, bro. Remember that fucking next tell?

Starting point is 01:25:25 That bitch was bright hormones. Dude, it looked like it looked like you, they had it colored because it looked like you were going to need to be rescued. Like anytime you get that bright colored shit, bro, that's fucking a lot of real port like sale racks have like real colorful bright shit. Like, oh, look at this. Don't you want this hot orange? And that shit is hot orange.

Starting point is 01:25:50 Like the hottest orange you could get is $3, $3.40 for this seven XL. And it's like a fucking v-neck v-neck in the front, turtleneck in the back. You're like, what? And it's hot, hot orange, bro. And it's always usually a, it's only a black dude could wear it. Let's be honest, bro. Only a black dude could wear it. And they'll look good in it, man.

Starting point is 01:26:23 It'll be triple line. That's the color you'll see on the thing. It'll be bright, bright green. The kind of shit like you can't, the guy, like if you drive past it on the interstate, it's obviously the definite manager of the guy who is doing the construction. It's that it's like triple line in a size 14 double medium, bro. And that bitch got two arms in the front.

Starting point is 01:26:48 It's got an arm out the back for exhaust, like heat exhaust. This shit is, I don't know what we're talking about. Bright colors, they got bright colored shit. And it's mostly it's predominantly a lot of times for the urban community. Let's be honest, bro. Because they look good in it. You know, if white people wear really bright color shit, it looked like they need to be rescued.

Starting point is 01:27:12 For real talking, look, black people wear something. Oh, that's triple line. Oh, Ernie got that triple line hit her on. Oh, oh, he must be getting married. You know, oh, he got that triple line fucking overcoat with that double vanilla cummerbund. Bro, oh, he must be he must be doing a wedding. I don't know what a crepe is, but I didn't care.

Starting point is 01:27:35 Once I saw this lady working now, I said, all right, you know, I'll eat them until you know, she and I are married if I have to. They had a girl in there and I saw her and, you know, I made some small talk and it was it was awkward because we both had masks on, you know, uh, having a mask on, it's kind of like the beginning of like, um, Shrek or whatever. You know, because you don't know how anybody really, you're not getting the full package. You're just kind of getting that Japanese package of somebody,

Starting point is 01:28:15 you know, kind of snout up or mid snout upwards. You know, you're kind of getting that, um, you know, like everybody's kind of a desert nine, you know, when they got that Middle Eastern, you know, a lot of Middle Eastern women, they wear the kind of that word Yarmulke, whatever it is that that muffler, you know, they wear that front muffler. You can't see them. Um, I was in, uh, Saudi Arabia one time at the airport and they had a man there and

Starting point is 01:28:53 fat fella, I'll be honest with you, he really was. And I had, if I could think of another word to describe him, I would use it, but I cannot. And this was, this man was what you would call a fat fella. And he, uh, had about five women with him, all of his wives, and they all had on that, um, um, you know, just that little kind of, they're all wearing like a what's behind door number one kind of curtain right on their face. You know, you can't see them all.

Starting point is 01:29:22 So that's called that desert nine, you know, or that desert eight. Everybody's kind of a desert nine when you can only see the eyes. So she said, I don't know what she said. She might have, who knows, she could have been calling the police, but I was like, go, do you, you know, have, um, maybe we should watch the fight sometime. And, and that was kind of weird because I didn't, I don't even know kind of how she responded. If she was like, yeah, or maybe, or, um, and then I was like, Oh, do you have a boyfriend? And that's how I said it too.

Starting point is 01:29:54 Like, do you have a boyfriend? Like, I just got so just, I was just strung up, you know, just like when you see a rabbit and he's got one of his legs called in the, uh, in that wire. You know, do you have a boyfriend? And that's how I was verbally, you know, I was that verbal kind of hung rabbit. And then she'd like given me like my plate and fork and knife that comes with your food that you order and you just go sit down at your table and then it comes out. And I was the only person in there.

Starting point is 01:30:27 So now I have to sit and I, this is where I really messed up. I sat facing the counter. I sat facing her at the counter and then I had to sit there and just eat a crepe, which is the loneliest, saddest thing you can eat as a rejected man. It's almost feels like one of those Japanese game shows like, Oh, you lost. You eat the Crips, you know. And so I'm sitting there just eating this sad, every bite tasted like this girl did not like me. Um, but I did it.

Starting point is 01:31:03 I did it. I went in there, I asked her out. I didn't get, she didn't, I, there was no option. And I asked her her name again and then I sat and point blank ate a crepe in front of this woman. Very, very sad. So I went to the park this morning to get a little bit of heat, a little free heat from the sunshine, you know, a little bit of that vitamin D straight from the vitamin G O D.

Starting point is 01:31:35 You feel me? I'm talking straight off the tip of the lower the sky and just catch that free heat right in my face and neck. This man, I heard this old man, he's like, Charlie, he goes, Charlie, get over here. Charlie, Charlie, get over here. And I thought it was too, you know, kind of drug induced or, you know, drug induced homosexual men doing a, you know, splitting up a, you know, a gram or a vial of, uh, vial of speed. But then I look over in this man who I'll be honest, this man looked like duty, bro. This man looked like just man, just real, just, just duty, duty, and he's yelling at this dog.

Starting point is 01:32:24 Because the dog smelled something or saw this and the dog, he's over there, he's investigating. You know, he might have a little bit of hound in him or a little bit of, uh, investigator gadget or whatever that guy's name was. Remember that show? But the, the dog, he's, you know, he's sniffing on an orange peel or doing something, you know, we're smelling a, um, you know, a park needle or something or whatever. And the man's like, shorts, get over here. Just yelling at him.

Starting point is 01:32:55 And Charlie, first of all, Charlie was way healthier. This man looked like, just first of all, looked like somebody has shaved his whole body with like a one or like a one. And a half, he had a fade, like on his arms, shoulders, everything, great. Just real bristly looking dude, kind of guy. You, he looked like he was like a pipe cleaner, you know what I remember pipe cleaners. Remember in school sometime, if you was one of the weirdo kids and they at the art class, they would give you these pipe cleaners and say, Hey, do something with this.

Starting point is 01:33:27 And you'd be like, well, what do I do? They'd be like, Oh, we don't know. Just do something. We hope that's what you're doing. I'll just do something. We hoping you graduate soon because nobody could stand you, you know. And, um, and yeah, this dude, I'm thinking, man, this dog and then, so then the dog comes over by me. And now I'm kind of pissed because I'm sitting there trying to do a little bit of, um, legal

Starting point is 01:33:51 work or whatever, you know, writing stuff and drawing. And this man's Charlie leave him alone. So I said, dude, I said, Charlie ain't messing with me, man. I said, you messing with me by yelling, you messing with everybody, sir. And forget it. Just, I don't know, man. And the dog went over to him and I just felt like, I don't know, when Charlie left, dude, I felt like, damn, bro, Charlie don't want to be with that man and that man treats him bad.

Starting point is 01:34:22 That's how I felt, dude. So, but yeah, Charlie was like a big dog and I'll be honest, I slipped on a piece of Nicorette. So Charlie fucking get that hit from daddy right there. So that guy can kiss my ass, bro. What I'm saying is you can't, your dog is not a slave. It doesn't work for you. Okay.

Starting point is 01:34:43 You can't, you know, say this, do this, Charlie, get in the house. No ham hocks, Charlie, nothing for you. You can't be like that to an animal. You got to treat an animal a little bit kinder, I think. Yeah, it's interesting how I think people, you know, they look to Santa, I think as like a symbol of like hope and love, you know, a symbol of magic. If you think about children, most children are takers. They take stuff.

Starting point is 01:35:14 They want stuff given to them. Oh yeah. There are very, very few children that are what I call giver children. They want to give to other people. They don't want something for themselves. So when I, when that child, when I see that child and we're done with the visit, I bring the parents in and I said, and I said, and that's when I make the gift of the bell to the child. I have the parent and the child there and I'm explaining to them what's, what's transpired.

Starting point is 01:35:45 And I'll tell the child that every time you ring that bell, I'll be thinking about you. Oh, I love that. Yeah. You know, there's something special about just being that, uh, it's almost to get, you're like, you're like a middleman for, um, yeah, it's like you're like a middleman for some of the joy that's out in the world. Right. I must feel pretty interesting sometimes.

Starting point is 01:36:04 It is. It's, it's, uh, it's a lot of responsibility, but it's, uh, gratefully accepted responsibility. Amen. This is Kenny calling from Portland. I had an idea here. I have a playstation five that I got from my work, but I would like to offer that for one of your struggling single moms. So if you have any ladies out there that are trying to make the kid happy on the holiday,

Starting point is 01:36:31 I have a playstation five that I'll be willing to donate gang, gang, gang, man. Thank you, Kenny. That's, man, that's where it's at. We would love that. It's that time of year, man. It's that time of year to, to extend a little if you can, you know, the other day I was I was eating breakfast here and I ended up paying for the breakfast. There was a couple sitting outside and when I walked in, the guy said, I said, Hey, and

Starting point is 01:36:55 him and his girlfriend were just visiting in town. And so before I left, I just bought my meal, bought their meal. And I'm just saying that because about two weeks later, I'm across the street eating breakfast at a different place and we get up to pay and leave and they said, Oh, somebody bought your meal. I said, dang, didn't know who I don't know. I don't know who it was, you know, some damn Scrooge McDuck got warm hearted, you know, he grilled his own orders with the Lord.

Starting point is 01:37:23 He got heated in the heart and somebody bought me a damn meal. That's karma roulette. And that karma will really, this the, this the time of year when karma is out there. Karma got on the Zoot suit. Karma's listening to 21 savages. Karma got his nose hairs clipped out. He's out there. This when karma is paying attention, so it's a great time to extend that olive leaf to

Starting point is 01:37:45 somebody. How can I help? What can I do? And when I get up in the morning this week, what's been making me feel good is just saying, what can I do? What can I do for somebody that's not me? So anyway, what a small little world. How that worked out.

Starting point is 01:38:00 But thank you, Kenny. We'll find some way. We'll find someone who can use it. I think so hit the hotline if you have some suggestions and we did. We had some calls that came in, man, and here was the first one that came in. Hey, there's Mike from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I just wanted to maybe nominate my sister. She works really hard.

Starting point is 01:38:17 She has two kids, one's eight, one's 10. They're real big in the video game, so I thought that would be perfect for them. They're great kids. She's an awesome mom, so. Thank you, Mike. I didn't mean to cut you off there, man. But yeah, we're gonna, we'll connect you with Kenny and, you know, that's Kenny, man. That's Kenny helping out there.

Starting point is 01:38:35 Those things are hot commodity, bro. Damn. Dude, somebody be dying of cancer. You offering some plasma, they say no, but you hit them with that. And they want it, bro. Let's hit some other people up. Hey, Theo. It's Wes from Minneapolis, man.

Starting point is 01:38:49 I got an excellent single mom that, uh, she's, uh, working to get her kid back. She has them about half the year right now, and she's gonna have them over Christmas. She has a really great kid who was a big gamer, and she manages a gas station, so she's up there grinding every day, but. Amen, brother. I think we can help out with that. Um, let me give you a buzz right now. Hello?

Starting point is 01:39:11 What's up, Wes? What's up, Wes, bro? How you living, man? Good. Who's this? This is Theo, man. Theo Vaughn, the comedian. Oh, get out of town, man.

Starting point is 01:39:21 What's up, brother? Not much, bro. I was looking for the Lord. You know me, boy. Amen. Amen. Yeah. I appreciate your call, man.

Starting point is 01:39:29 It was really nice of you to call just that you left on the, uh, hotline. We'd already found somebody had already had called before they got the PS5, but there's a company that helps us out. Sometimes it's a company called Magic Mind, and they wanted to offer, uh, a PS4, or I think it's a PS4 and a television. Maybe I don't know if the kiddo would, you know, if that would be something that they would like. Man, that would be amazing, dude.

Starting point is 01:39:48 You have no idea how awesome you just made my day. Dude, you made me feel good, man. I appreciate it, man. Have a good day, dude, and we'll circle up with you, bro, and thanks for thinking of somebody else, man. Awesome. Peace. All right, gang.

Starting point is 01:40:00 Hi, Theo. My name is Tim Carter. Well, I figure let's call in right now and see what we can do. Hello? Hey, what's up, man? This is Theo Vaughn, bro. Uh, I'm calling just about, you called a couple, um, about the podcast about the, we're talking about the PlayStation.

Starting point is 01:40:17 Yes, sir. My gosh. I, wow, how are you? Thank you so much for calling. Oh, yeah, man. No worries, man. Thank you for calling, bro. So we gave away the PlayStation.

Starting point is 01:40:27 Somebody else had called before you, but we wanted to, we want to do something nice. Maybe we could just at least set you guys up with like a gift card or something, maybe to Best Buy or to some other place. Wow, Theo. I just, I just don't know what to say, man. I just, I wasn't expecting this at all. And I think that's a great idea and that will be just such a great Christmas. This is her first Christmas in Portland, man.

Starting point is 01:40:48 Oh, that will just be so awesome. So awesome. Thank you. Man, thank you, bro. I don't know these people, but it's just, you know, it's your own kindness and your own thinking about somebody else. And it's funny how one thing like that kind of spurns the other ones, you know? All right, gang Tim, bro, be good, man.

Starting point is 01:41:02 Okay. Thank you. All right. Cheers, brother. Hi, Theo. This is Susie again. I'm a single mom. I have been looking for this PS5 everywhere and I'm trying to get it for my daughter for

Starting point is 01:41:17 Christmas. She's been doing really good in school here in Michigan. We've been shut down because of the Rona. Mm-hmm. I feel you, baby. That dirty Rona, bro. That's that long AIDS, baby. Let me call you.

Starting point is 01:41:29 See what we can do. Hello? Hey, what's up? Who's this? Hey, it's Susie. What up, Susie? What up, Theo? How are you?

Starting point is 01:41:40 Mara, Theo's on the phone. I want to thank you first of all just for thinking of somebody else and just, you know, calling and leaving your voicemail. I thought it was really sweet of you. The problem is we already gave away the PS5, but I wanted to try and think of something else that we could do that you think would be nice. Oh my God, I don't even know what to say. How about this?

Starting point is 01:42:03 I know it's kind of impersonal, but what if we just gave you like a $500 gift card and you could do something nice for you guys, something that you wanted to do? I know it's not a PS5, but um... No, I appreciate it so much. We've been struggling. I mean, I try to, you know, my attitude is always positive, but just to hear from you is just, wow. Well, that's sweet of you.

Starting point is 01:42:29 Thanks. Thank you for making my day and thanks for the nice words. Theo, thank you. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas to you, your family, like I love your podcast. I can't wait to hear the next one. Oh my God. I don't even know.

Starting point is 01:42:43 Wow. Thank you for the phone call. You're welcome, Suzy. Thank you. All right. You bet. We love you. Bye-bye.

Starting point is 01:42:51 Hey, Theo. My name's Caroline. I'm from Gastronia, North Carolina, right outside of Charlotte. My nephew was diagnosed with cancer like a year and a half ago, but I was just listening to your podcast and I heard about the guy that has the PlayStation. He was born in 2008 and my sister, she has two kids and her oldest son, Adam, he just passed away in October. From cancer, he was 16 and then she has a younger son, Andrew, and he will be 15.

Starting point is 01:43:25 He just lost his brother and I know she was trying to find like the new, sorry, the new PlayStation that it give to him for Christmas that would kind of be special, but. Well, thank you so much for this. Let's see if I can get ahold of you. Hey, Caroline. Hello. Hey, what's up? This is Theo.

Starting point is 01:43:44 I'll call. You called into the podcast the other day from the podcast. Oh my God. Yes. Holy shit. How are you? I'm weighing them up. We're right now.

Starting point is 01:43:53 Freaking hell. Oh, damn. Well, look, just, you know what I'm saying? Keep your clothes on. I don't want to get accused of nothing. You know? Oh my God. I was literally just talking about you.

Starting point is 01:44:07 I'm like speechless right now. My face is like pulsating. Damn. Well, you, you might be on drugs. I think. Damn. I'm not. I feel like I am.

Starting point is 01:44:18 But I'm not. Okay. Well, look, it sounds like if you damn face is pulsating, you might want to chew up a little bit. You might want to, you know, you might want to use a skin softener or something. No, I just wanted to say your message was so sweet. I thought it was very nice of you to call and, uh, I think PlayStation is just all sold out.

Starting point is 01:44:36 So we're committed to help find like a, um, Xbox. Do you think the kids would want that? Or do you think we should just wait and whenever PlayStation has come back, he would prefer an Xbox. If he got an Xbox, he would keep in his pants. Well, damn. He also family needed to tighten up. It sounds like, but, uh, we're going through stuff.

Starting point is 01:44:56 All right. Y'all be good. Okay. Okay. Okay. I will. Okay. Deal.

Starting point is 01:45:04 Deal. Deal. Deal. Deal. Deal. Okay. Deal. Okay.

Starting point is 01:45:12 Deal. Bye. Oh man. That's great. That's sweet. I think we got, I think we got to a good space here. I think we got to a good space. You know, these are our lives, man, these are our lives.

Starting point is 01:45:33 These are our lives and we got to live them. You know, we got to live them. So if you're struggling with some motivation, I, you know, I really hope that you find it in and just take that next step, take a small step and a few small steps, make a big step and a few big steps, make a real distance. This is our lives, you know, and we all have different ways that we go about fighting. Um, but, um, but we don't give up. You guys be good to yourselves, man.

Starting point is 01:46:06 And, um, and I'm going to do the same for me, man. We deserve it, brother gang. I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home. And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been wrong.

This Past Weekend - E315 Virtual Gnomes

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