This Past Weekend - E322 Spill The Duntlin

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Theo discusses his unusual trip to the message parlor, his views on the Marilyn Manson controversy and talks with a fan about the difficulties of sobriety. New Merch https://theovonstore.com https://bit.ly/theo-von This episode is brought to you by: Helix: https://helixsleep.com/theo for up to $200 off and 2 free pillows BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% OFF your First Month Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com     Music: “Hold Me My Lord” - Josh Kelley https://ingroov.es/my-baby-the-band-3 https://bit.ly/3aYBrOr     Hit the Hotline [phone]     Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline     Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw     Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis   Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Good to be here, man Hey, hey I got that massage baby, I got a tightness in my neck. I Mean like just the damn devil hit a damn Just a jolly rancher in my neck man. It just It feels real tight. I Mean tight tight You know, oh man

And I went over to the place, you know, and I'm not gonna say that they're Chinese when you go in the place but they are they are Vietnamese or They're an ease Let's say that they you know, there's no There's no bones about it. They are some type of ease, you know, they're having they probably had soup for lunch I'm gonna say that some type of broth You know and

And the ladies sometimes I've gone to this place a few times, you know, I'm out here in the central east studios and I've gone to this place, you know a few times and Sometime I get the rug the you know, the rough girl is in there You know the real that you know, she's that uh, you know, she's kind of the hit man You know I'm saying she's somebody if somebody in the family is choking you won't you know, you hope she's there Because she can help You know, she's that thick aunt You don't want that slender aunt helping you if you choking you don't want your fine aunt there

You're fine aunt. She ain't gonna do She gonna scream she'll probably snap chat it. You don't you want You want that thick baby, you know, that big lozens of a woman And that's what they had there this big Chinese lozens of a lozens of a lady, you know, that's just damn. I mean she really Her forearms had six arms in them. You know, she's just real poignant Real real poignant man. I mean she could spit hard and probably wash a window So that's where I'm coming at with that and uh And so anyway, they get they you know, they got me on the

You know, I don't like this a lot of the massage places, uh You know, they put you on this kind of halfway lean forward type of thing where They can you know, you they put your head in this little it almost Remember in the old days, you know, back in the, you know, 1300s or whatever. I don't know 1800s something dude Something teen hundreds and they had um back in the old days. They had and sorry might be a little hot there They had the the thing the um The barracks, you know, they put you and they put your two hands in and they put your head in it

And people would come by if you did something bad around you And people would come by if you did something bad around town They put you in a town square and they You know, they put you in there and people come by and Call your names call you, you know, probably gay or something like that, you know Devil boy shit like that, you know this I'm talking 1300s 1800s and

So, you know when the kids come by and probably tickle you You know the pervs come by and touch their nuts everybody When you're in the barracks are in the what is that called barracks? Um I think that's what it's called man barracks Uh, let me think when you're in the you know what I'm talking about the cat the barracks man The barracks in town. What is that thing? I don't know but it's the thing they like it hold your head it holds your arms you can't move

And people laugh at you and point fingers, you know People say, oh, that's a little you know You know, that's a little uh Ricky and he did something bad, you know, he stole a cabbage You know, he stole four cabbage That's Ricky with you know, that's four cabbage Ricky and you then you're that bad guy, you know, and But anyway, when you're in the barracks everybody comes by and gets they the people that want a name call They name call you and the people that want to tickle you and and perverts that want to

You know Touching nuts or get a look at your booty or whatever, you know Everybody, you know, everybody gets it out of their system when you've done something bad and um What was I talking about? Oh, so I know what I was talking about. So anyway, I'm in there and they got me and it's like that kind of thing You're kind of leaning forward and the lady's behind you and I don't know if they found a tough spot on my back, but

they had uh The the lady is like pushing on my back and then She had like her cousin or somebody her brother daddy somebody You know another You know, another me's or ease person It starts pushing on her So they're both so she's pushing on my neck kind of back and he's pushing on behind her like leaning on her And I'm just like

You know, like they're trying to get just a a frigid frigid air through a tight doorway And that's yeah, I just I don't know I've never seen anything like that and So anyway, uh Oh, and then so then after that I did 30 and 30 you know, they call that it's a

60 minute package that's package b that they have there on the chart and And so the second half they get you in the private room you know and they have some fake roses in there and a little They got these coca-cola candies. They are so good. They're these little hard kind of candies. You suck on them

but So I'll put two or three in my mouth when I go in because I do the one hour service so anyway In the lady And sometimes I think it's a just tradition in a lot of the east You know, you go to some places and they bust you out You know, they cream you out right there, bro. And so

The ladies, you know, she's doing my body and everything and I'll get I won't get fully new, but I'll get down to my underpants easily Dude, I'll get down to my underpants if somebody says, hey, you want me to scratch your back? I'll be fucking, you know I'll be 94 naked, baby. You know what I'm saying For any if a good television program is on off, you know, and it's a half hour program I've been like that since I was a child. I would get so fired up man And just when the pressure builds and the plot thickens. I'm damn just start losing You know, I lose pieces of clothing till I'm just damn naked just I mean, and I'm just clamping on my wing just

Just watching the what's going on, you know, I'm just I'm locked in I looked at it. I say no I'm locked in baby and uh And anyway, so she uh the ladies, um She goes, uh, uh, you wanna spell a dumpling And I'm like, what did she say and I she goes, you wanna spell a dumpling spell a dumpling And I'm thinking spell a dumpling Uh, I didn't know what it was. You know, I'm thinking is it something And then I'm thinking, oh, it's nothing

You know, because I didn't know what it was and she's, you know, then she kind of pats me on the On that peony, you know what I'm saying that peanut, brah That penis and then she tapped me double tapped me on that penis, you know, and uh And she said spell a dumpling And then I'm like, oh, spill the dumplings She wants to spill the dumplings, brah And And you guys know me look, I don't like I don't like somebody

You know, I bet I hell I've been spedlin. I've been spedlin my dumplings all week, bro I sped my dumplings spelt I spelt them matches, you know, and I shouldn't have been And I did man, I gave in and I've been jerking myself. So I you know, I don't know man. I don't talk about but uh Anyway, I just I said, no, you know, I was cordial. I was a gentleman, you know, I kind of went like this, you know, no And um And she wasn't offended And that's one thing I love about a lot of asian cultures. They don't get offended if you if you if you don't if you don't If you don't want them to jerk you off

You know and a lot of other people get all you know, white people will be like, oh come on, you know, come on, you know Oh, okay. I guess. Well, all right, you know Black people will be like, oh, okay. Oh, you all right. You ain't gonna let us bust them net You know what I'm saying everybody in german people will be like, oh, you don't want those You know and vatos will be like, okay, papa You don't want to let us bust the nuts But asian people they don't get offended man, that you know, it's just part of life. It's like it's like a handshake for you at it, you know, and uh

Anyway, I don't know. That's just You know, they're trying to spell it down, remember, you know, and I didn't I didn't want the dumplings spilled man I didn't want my dumplings spilled man. So That's kind of I guess what's been going. I mean, I don't know if that's what's been going on but uh But that's what happened another time. I remember I was at a joint out there in los angeles And a lady tapped me they double tapped. That's the thing. It's like knock knock On your uh

Right on your on your uh penis, you know on the top and uh And I said she goes, oh you want oh monkey go pop pop and I was like monkey go pop pop uh And I said no, no, I'm okay. You know and then I reconsidered and I was like, well

And then the lady's looking even like I'm just like this indecisive person which I am so Anyway, man, you know, it's just You can't go anywhere these days without somebody really trying to cream you out, you know but um But thank you for being here with me today, man. It is uh thursday february 11th in uh in the year 2021 And I'm doing my best man, and I hope that you are let's get into a little bit of tunes

Sing down the sun Oh, that's a good song, baby Shine down your song Come on, baby So that it might I got me back This is josh kelly We all need some light

Hey, man On the darkest of days So that we might Not lose our way Hey So holy holy holy lord holding my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me hold me hold me with your loving arms Come on, man

All that I need is you to hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me my lord Come on, you know, I've been unkind. We're gonna ride this At times even cruel I lost all my joy Oh, until I found you Till I found you Blessed are the hands They forgave this full heart

Come on and buried the sins To make way for a brand new star Oh, let's go Holy holy holy lord holding my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me hold me hold me with your loving arms All that I need is you to hold me hold me hold me Oh, man Dude, that one had me leaking

Right out my feeling ducks brother That's when god hit me right in the damn hvac of my of my soul brother and my tear ducks, man beautiful song right there Off his new album my baby and the band that is called hold me my lord by josh kelly featuring all voices Um If you're not familiar with josh kelly, man, go go go get that album and get familiar with him and uh

I'm sure a lot of you guys are but go get familiar with that song. Um, he's a friend of mine and and uh And he actually gave me a job. I worked as a tour manager for him when he first uh When he first started touring with his music and um Just honored to be able to play one of his songs here today Uh, what's going on, man? What is going on? Um Yeah, I went to the place I did that. Oh, I'll talk about this the Super Bowl happened You know, I was uh, it was a boring game, you know, it was a boring game and um And I think a lot of people were just shocked kansas city didn't put anything together

Uh, and I don't know what you attribute that to attribute that to But it was it was it was nice to see tom brady It was nice to see somebody, you know, get away from the system that new england system and do something You know, it's nice to see an older person get out there and be a rascal and be randy and do confidence And man, that made me feel really good, uh Um, I went over to michael chandler's house the ufc michael chandler fighter man, you know hit he came on here and uh

And you know, I snuck that dust and pour re a freaking sauce into the party son loyalty is going to loyalty And um, and I felt honored to go over there and just be it was fun man to talk about fighting a little bit And to be able to watch uh Watch the Super Bowl um What else happened? I did a comedy set last night and it was one of the best shows that I've had in about a year

So I'm drinking a little bit of tea right now. Um, my throat has been a little bit rocky, uh But yeah, what else what else what else have I been doing? I hurt my neck. So I've been trying to take care of that and that's why I was getting the um The massage over there That's why I was getting massaged. So um What else? Oh, I heard a badger Out back at a rental. I'm I'm in an air bnb right now

You know doing um rental living they call it And that's rental living where you're somewhere, but You really don't want to be there and that's rental living And so I've been doing that and uh And last night I heard a badger out. Look, I was like I heard an animal So I look out there and it seemed like a cat, but the way he walked was more Almost like uh

Like he was like his paws was kind of hot And I said well shortly somebody didn't heat a cat up and just let it loose out outside You know or put fire by a cat and then you know make it run. Um So I said it must be a different animal. Then I heard it make a noise. I heard it do some uh Howling or whatever And that's when I knew Oh, okay, something's going on here um

And so I was I was started looking up different animals sounds on the YouTube's And what I found that it was was a badger Listen Yep You hear that

Like they swallowed a balloon like a helium balloon and they and they fucking bro doing six listen again Oh, yeah, that's like somebody working You know, you know, sometimes the clown will fold up that balloon for you and they'll hand it to you and you know If you gas that thing out sometimes, you know, you pretend it's cute It's a flower to crown when mom and dad are around then you sneak off behind a barn and gas up and then you try to uh You know, then if you're doing sex or if you were just um Um, you know doing hula hooping anything where you got your body moving with that gas in it and you'll sound a little bit like this Oh, oh, that's bad now that that was angry man. That felt like an angry about something

um But yeah, we got a boy. We got some good calls that are in what's going on with me Not much. I'm just honored to be here be here today, man. Um You know, I've been going through some tough stuff in my own world and I want to kind of talk about that a little bit You know, um, you know, I I fell off of my sobriety about a month ago And so I just been You know, I've just been battling to kind of get back

on that train And I wanted to kind of talk. I wanted to talk about it on here, but I just the timing was kind of never right and I don't like to I don't like to have to report to the to the podcast every week about You know, how I'm doing it with uh with sobriety because I don't want You know me and my and I don't want any of my sobriety to be like something I like That I then have to like

Like I feel like an obligation to the podcast. I don't ever want to have to feel that way because it doesn't it won't help me Uh In my journey with being sober. It just it won't help me. Um So I haven't been doing anything bad, man. I was just in a lot of pain and I didn't want to take pain pills and I'd fallen off of going to my meetings and uh And so I just I I I drank and I just found that drank drinking was helping me deal with the pain better Um Then pain pills. I just I don't want to take pain pills

And if I had a beer, I could manage It was just easier, you know, I could have half a beer or something. It would take the edge off a little and give me some relief. Um So You know things I've been doing now. We're trying to have a meeting here at my home Um, you know, I've been staying in contact with my with other people in the program. Um And I don't know. I guess I was a little like You know, I know we have some listeners that that are sober and so I did I didn't I guess I was afraid some that

You know that they would judge me or Um I don't know Yeah, they would think I I don't know what I I don't know what I thought. I mean, I guess I guess yeah I guess I was just afraid of being judged or something but um You know, I haven't been like scared. I haven't been putting myself in in bad instances. Um, but You know, I definitely You know, I'm just trying to

You know get back on The the best foot. Um So That's kind of where I'm at with it. I guess You know, so I just wanted to be honest. I hope I'm not letting anybody down, you know, I'm just It's just you know, I don't know. It's just a journey and uh It's just a journey and uh, and this is where I'm at and so I can't be ashamed of where I'm at or anything I don't feel ashamed. Um

You know, I just I want to I want to best put myself in a situation for Me to be um You know, the healthiest that I can be and the best that I can be in most regards You knock and we can only be so best. You can't be a hundred percent best. You could be maybe 70 percent Um so I'm glad I said it. I was kind of scared to say it and I and

You know, I've been having a lot of fun in the episodes the past couple weeks And so I didn't want to kind of make it a downer or anything But You know, I appreciate you guys just you know Uh being a part of my life. Um And Yeah, I'm just happy to be here today and uh

Yeah, so I still hang out at my two best friends here sober guys. I still you know, I'm I'm I'm surrounding myself with sober guys and I'm trying to Just get back on the wagon. You know, and I'm not struggling every day. I'm not running around drinking. I'm not like Making uh, you know, putting myself in bad instances or anything um But I do have some fear that You know that I could so

So Yeah, I don't know. Uh, that's just where I'm at. You know, my friends know and uh You know and and other people that are in the program know and You know, I've long in my life. I I never really felt like I had a problem with alcohol You know, I never did. I mean my problem was always that alcohol could lead me to do drugs Uh So You know, I've never been somebody just gets just black. I just never did that. I don't like drinking that much because you have to go pee a lot

And I'd rather not pee. I'd rather sit there and just You know, keep watching the program But, uh Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this I'm just trying to share with you like kind of where I'm at and and some of my fears and um And Yeah, that's just what I'm trying to do. So, uh Anyway, you know, that's kind of that and that's what's going on with me right now and um

And uh, and yeah So, um You know, I've been picking meetings back up and going online. I'm and uh and You know, I feel hopeful. I don't feel like scared. I don't feel like I'm spooked or anything But I just want to be honest with where I'm at Uh, what else man? Um Oh, yeah

That badger was back there. We got a sound board in here now. We may you were just trying it out They got some different sounds in here. This is my favorite. Damn chicken for late Yeah, yeah, and so that is my favorite Um, we got a couple of other ones, dude. Uh, that white rain And that's frank jiles right there Um, oh big announcement frank jiles was at the comedy show the other night So i'm on stage at zany's and

And i'm looking around the crowd and I see this suit I see just this beautiful this really this This mordor snowman in a suit And I said a joke and then I heard that laugh man that only That frank jiles that freaking that rattle, baby that death rattle And I said from the stage I said frank

And he said yes, sir, you know And it was him dude and everybody I was like, oh my god. Everybody is frank jiles You know and he's And he's here And dude people were going crazy, man People were going crazy And so we did a couple, you know, we talked a little bit and talked a little bit about the show and um Yeah, it was just it was fun. He came backstage after and we had a good time

Uh, it was special man. So I just want to say thank you frank jiles for coming out and Man, we We we had a couple more questions about death back there. We talked about and it was good to get some of those answered And he even said he'd come back on some time and follow up with more death answers and and different answers like that. So um I want to let you know that uh today's episode is brought to you by liquid death. It's uh mountain water It's good Today's episode is also brought to you by helix sleep

And look, you know, there's a famous story about the um It's like the step sister fell asleep and they had a somebody hit a walnut under the sheets And she couldn't feel it because she was too beautiful but the truth is That batch was on a helix mattress, man. That's the real truth, man and um And and a lot of people you can't sleep today because your wife got long hair her hair will come over and get in your eyes and your face

You know her hair is like a dirty river and it comes over and flows right up into your damn, uh snuff holes Or sometimes you um You know, you can't sleep because you uh The fan is making the get your fans. Some people got a fan with a rattle and they won't fix it They won't fix it, man Damn chicken for lake. They would rather just lay there and just hear it every night and be like I should fix it But they don't fix it. So what you need now is that helix sleep

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And say hey, hey, hey, hey the move you'll start in an hour. You're like what? But at helix, they know you're looking for sleep They have several different mattress models to choose from they have soft medium and firm baby. I go firm Firm baby. I like to feel like two chinese are pushing up against my skin when i'm resting Oh, it's great for cooling down if you sleep hot and even a helix plus mattress for plus size sleepers And you know who you are, baby them Them plus size sleeper baby if you sleep thick Hey, hey, hey, hey boy. They can help

It's been awesome getting massages, but it's even better getting that full-time massage from that helix I gotta tell you right now. Just go to helix sleep.com slash theo. That's h-e-l-i-x Dot com slash th-e-o helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helix sleep dot com Slash th-e-o. That's helix sleep.com slash theo for up to 200 off and two free pillows You know when I sleep I kind of go through this ritual, you know, I know I like to put lotion on And I learned that from my mother, you know, I was raised by my mother

And you know that fuck you That's joey ds said that I didn't say that But um, I was raised by my mother and so she taught me at night you put lotion on She taught me when you get out the shower you do the uh towel around your hair, you know, there's just different practices You know what I'm saying like I couldn't use I didn't know how to use a hammer when I was a kid, but I knew how to Lotion up my legs And do when I was young they had this fellow bus he would let us use a senior citizen

You know, and that's really the most citizen you can get And he would let us uh Lotion his legs man this older guy You know, mr. Birch and he was named after the wood And he would let us lotion his legs up man, and I don't know if he was Pedophile if he was pedophile it was late onset because he never did anything wild until just the very end And he I swear to god he went to he went to heaven on some real on some soft stilts, baby because we My god, we must have put about six damn gallons of lotion

Onto his legs man praise god big birch, baby You know and I'll tell you this he's the softest standing birch there is out there And we really we really loosened that man up um What else is going on? Oh So we had a guest on here recently, you know and he got You know, we got a soul he he got caught You know using racial epitaphs. I think it's called. I don't know the exact term

But you know you're saying words you're not supposed to say And he said he would try to do better. That was a statement that he made and And You know, it's I wanted to think about it some and just and and it's not like You know Well, first of all what makes me upset what upsets me What upsets me most is that there's hatred in the world that upsets me Um, I don't think this man was coming from a place of hatred. I think he was

You know, I think he was using a word. He probably shouldn't have been using and uh And you know, you don't know where somebody learns a word. You don't know where These days, you know, it's on the the n words on the radio all the time. You're not the radio, but it's on music You can go buy it. You can buy it on itunes. You can go buy it um and You know, it's interesting because

uh Because yeah, it's that if you call some of that name and you mean it in that and you say it towards them, it's Man, it's hurtful You know, and I could easily see in people of color how it would Just how it's such a word to demoralize, you know and to um And to imprison in a space of of less than um

But at the same time it's it's crazy that the word is available for sale And and I'm kind of all over the place here. Um And I'm not defending anybody for saying it. I mean, it's You know, you hear it. I hear it all the time. I hear it all the time You hear it from people in these days when I when I was young you would hear it Well, I guess I would hear it when I was young growing up from people that were racist and I would hear it from music You know in w a and And so it's weird because it's like a word that's used in hip-hop culture, you know with the a at the end and um

And so it's just it's it's interesting And I don't want to be afraid to like think about things, you know But one thing that really made me upset about uh About the n word is the way that media outlets cover it And The way that media outlets cover it so somebody says it, right? They take it and they make articles That say at the top of the and these are outlets that would never even probably cover the person that if there's a famous person that says it

You know, uh, you can be a white dude in a starter jacket and say it all day. You could be six nine and say it all day You know, but if you're popular and you say it the media, they cramp down on you And what gets me, um Is that they use it the media puts n word in the title of articles So they get you to go click on it And then then you're reading the article you're watching it or whatever it is So they are making money off of it And man that burns me up

to think that Because then you and I bet if you follow the companies Who is in who's Who are earning money from the clicks and the people watching or reading? I bet it leads right to white pockets. I guarantee you that So So Man, it's just crazy that people that would never even cover this artist

At all or this celebrity at all Suddenly they're writing articles that are clickable That they're making money on So they're basically making money off of the n word They're making money off of it And man that really I mean that just Man that just makes it makes me mad, bro. It makes me just mad, dude Make me feel like a damn just

Like six badgers are climbing up and down my spine. You want to know what a badger sounds like? I'll tell you And let's get to the angry one That's what it makes me feel like You know because you have companies that don't care and now so they're basically you they are using the n word to make money And that's that man that burns me up It just burns me up And I think it should burn anybody up

you know Yeah, and it's kind of wild in the media like somebody can apologize for for for uh saying something they shouldn't Somebody can can apologize for using a racial slur, but the media they don't want apology. Somebody can say well, I'll do better But that's not enough for them They want to just roast you they want to take off they want to they want you to burn And that's just wild to me like Don't no matter what someone does don't we want them to have a Don't we want them to feel

You know you want someone to feel reprimanded But don't you want something don't like what if it was your kid that did it like it's just crazy people would ostracize so much and and just denounced like there's you are worthless And uh Like what do they want you to kill yourself? What do they want? Do they want you to lose your own life by your own hand by a dagger by a sword? You know

I just don't understand sometimes Because somebody's saying they'll do better. I mean it's but I guess you know you need to believe them but man And then what if and and what don't do any of these writers who write these articles? What if your kid does something wrong one day? What if your husband your brother your what if someone you do you want them to be burned like that? I just don't I I don't know And then it's wild that they'll say

You know it's like they shouldn't We should they should just get rid of the word They should get rid of the word Because You could buy it online. I mean websites Mapple music some of the whatever platform they're making money You could go listen to it. You could buy it Maybe white people shouldn't be allowed to buy stuff with the word in it

Because if you sell somebody enough produce You know and sometimes a strawberry rolls out their mouth you can't be shocked Fuck you the one vending it to them And I'm not saying that's the case in this instance exactly I'm not saying that but I'm saying that that's a real thing You know and I think there's a lot of people out there of color who feel the same way who are just tired of the music that's like, you know Kill these n words and all this shit. It's just it's I don't know and look

I'm just a white person. So I only have my experience You know, I grew up around a lot of black people I used to be in a group called, uh, nfl And I can't say the whole name of the group, but I can say for life Um Dude I used to ride my bike in in in the school in the morning and johnny smith and the boys they would come and jump on my bike And they would call me to a bus when I'd come in they would call me the n-word bus Hey, here comes the n-word bus and they would all pile on my bike and I'd be sitting there just rolling Just a damn. I mean literally the basketball team deep

And I would just you know, man, my dude my quads was beefy son My quads was beefy. You know what I'm saying And damn chicken for like, you know it And they would call me the n-word bus here come the n-word bus And my parents didn't say it You know, my dad said at one time a blackout stabbed him with a screwdriver and he said it so I'll be honest but um

I don't know man. Some of you know, it's It's just like there's just a lot of red tape out there. But then look I that's only my perspective and I'm not saying that it's right, but I don't want to feel like I can't Think and talk about it um Because I also know that it's a hurtful word You know, uh, but I also know that The media just there's no court of law. There's just

They there's no examination of that kind of thing of Of what was going on, you know And in this instance, he called a white guy it and I think I think a lot of white people should be called it honestly You know Maybe that's what needs to happen Maybe you need to line up a lot of black people that want to say it and a lot of white people that should be called it I don't know but

Anyway, man, I I didn't mean to go off on that. I just I don't know. It's just It's you know, it was here in the central east. It's that's where you know I mean, it's everywhere but I just don't understand sometime the media is taking I don't like that there's companies out there making money off of it profiting Profiting off of it, man. That burns that burns my bread, man But we'll get into a few more calls here, man. I know that And I'm gonna tell you right now that if you are suffering from mental health issues, which I am

You know, I missed my medicine yesterday and then I get late at night and I can't remember if I took my medicine and then I don't want to take it because it keeps me up I can't sleep and then I'm like, dang And then I wake up the next day and now I'm feeling depressed and You know, if you take medicine, it can be it can be tough Well, if you follow in times where you where you need some help, uh Better help can help you You know, if there's something something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals

Better help will assist you and assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. That's right You could start communicating in under 48 hours There's a broad range of expertise available at better help If you know, if you've won a certain type of mental health professional You may want somebody that is your same race or religion or Creed or I don't know what creed is. It was a ban, but I don't know what they're what they mean by that But you know, maybe if you can read or can't read or somebody or If you blind and you want to talk with a blind

Therapy Then they can do all of that better help wants you to start living happier life today Visit their website read their testimonials better help dot com slash thio That's er And join the over a million people who've taken charge of their mental health with help of an experience It's professional. You want a professional? You don't want somebody in a chef's hat

Uh, you know giving you mental help You know what I'm saying? You don't want somebody On a surfboard giving you mental help. You want a therapist brother? In fact, so many people have been using better help. They are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. Wow This podcast is sponsored by better help and this past weekend listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash thio Oh, man, um What else I wanted to write. I wanted to tell you they was um

Oh Uh, I saw also they had uh They had sexual allegations against maryland manson You know and I don't know what the guy did. I don't know But I would You know, I don't know if he I don't and I don't think he was messing with underage women I think he was dating of age women But I'll say this

Some lady they said she said they found out she had a sex dungeon And he was trying to hit her with uh wigwams or something dildos. Sorry. Um By looking at maryland manson That should give you a 99 idea That this dude Don't be Fucking regular. You know what I'm saying? He ain't fucking regular. He'll put on a condom that has egg growling pose autograph on the side of it you know, you have to

like If you if you go to dinner with them and they serve in vulture You got to think oh He's probably gonna have an extra dick or two on him. You know what I'm saying like You can't look at that guy And think that Things are going to be regular. I don't think I'm not blaming anybody. I'm just saying

You have to have like Because the lady said oh, he was scary or something But I'm just saying look The dude is doing 365 days of halloween. Okay This dude does halloween like a instagram thought does her birthday. All right, it's a two-month deal. I bet This dude probably fucking you know He probably You know, this dude got licorice under his armpits for good luck. I'm just saying

You can't look at maryland mansons And expect that he ain't gonna be Skeeting me Skeet and asphalt or something. You know what you just you can't look at him The dude looks like the saw movies I remember I'll tell you this You know and I've had I've had a I was almost molested You know or semi molested or whatever at a maryland manson show

They had a man this man Richard langenstein they called him dicky And he was a senior citizen and he was he had um What's it called when it looks like you have snow on your arm, but It's like a I think um Scabies or something. I don't know what it is

What hold on let me look it up He had um Seven causes of white spots on your skin mycosis, bro. I don't know he had that shit. He didn't have that They're mad at they're mad at us Eggs in my bra, uh, maybe Yeah, I think he had eggs in my bra. I think he had that hyperdomonasus Scullar sclerosis I don't know bro. He was fucking spotted up. You know what I'm saying. He was that speckled molester. You know, he was that um

he was that uh You know, he was that You know, he was that dicky dalmatian kind of guy Well, he took me and my best friend at the time patrick He we was 14 We was 14. We met him through church and he took us to the Marilyn Manson show and dropped us off in there And dude it was 18 and over

And he took one of my friends to los vegas. I think it might have pedophiled him. I don't know but But I do know and I think that's what happened but um, but anyway, what happened was hold on so Richard Langenstein and he deceased now he went to jail for pedophiling bro for p-filing but um What am I telling you? Oh, we went to Marilyn Manson's on stage He cut his friend open with a beer bottle and the ambulance came I remember being in the bathroom

My friend and I are peeing and it's taking a long time Because everyone around us Smells like Voldemort And we're peeing as a guy behind me eating fucking charcoal briquettes, bro. It's the dark arts And somebody said to someone else they said man These kids are pretty young to be in here And somebody else goes. Yeah, somebody's gonna them tonight And they said f word fuck

So anyway, bro, uh You know What was I talking about dude? Is this for better help? What is this? Um, I don't even know It's just like But I know that when I'm going to maryland, man, I know I'm going to the I know That I'm entering You know be alzebub's asshole. I know That they're going to have crows in the corners of the room

You know, I know That if maryland Manson spits on my back That the that the saliva is going to slither off down my arm Into a drain and procreate a demon. I know So Now I don't know everything But I have some responsibility as a human to Lightly assume

That things are going to be risque And I knew that at 14 But Anyway, man, let me hear from my freaking friend again, bro. You know what I'm saying. Oh my god Damn chicken for late Yeah, you know what I don't give a fuck You know that is way that's the madman himself, man, you know that so that's fun um

Let's get into some calls, man I want to thank you guys for being a part of my life and You know, I know I say some stuff on here that some people might not agree with and that's okay You know and uh It's okay if you don't agree with me I probably don't agree. I I I I'm just trying my best. I'm trying to think out loud and recently man. I've been angry And when you mix anger with trying to be peaceful, it's hard

You know when I'm just angry and And I don't even know why sometimes man I don't know if I'm angry at myself I don't know if I'm just angry at the world. It's a tough time right now You know I called a friend the other day and uh And I was just telling him I'm angry and he's like man, I'm so glad you said that I'm angry people's angry You know and I stay away from the news these days and that I think that helps some But it's amazing that the news will never go on trial for its crimes

Imagine the people they read an article and they believe it Right, they believe it and they go out and take some action and somebody dies from that action or gets hurt or You know somebody doesn't it starts a crime it starts a I mean that's started by media by bad information by faulty information People trying to get money Man we are in a canoe brother and we are rolling Through one of damn Hades tributaries right now I feel that brother praise god Let's hear some calls that came in man and um

You know and thank you guys for being a part of my life and uh and for sticking with me when I'm I don't know. I don't want to be right. I don't want to be wrong But I want to be able to think out loud and recently sometimes I get afraid to do that You know with all this cancel culture out there you can't even think out loud And if you have comments or thoughts on anything I ever talk about you welcome to call in and share them You know that nine eight five six six four nine five zero three is the hotline and uh if you need to take me to task if you need to

Share something that's on your heart You know that's troubling you man. I think right now sometimes I'm scared You know, I'm scared of getting older. I'm scared of being in a new place um I'm scared of not being able to figure out Why I have a tough time really loving people Like in a real intimate way that You know, I could start a home or something like that or do a family

Um I'm scared sometimes that god wants me to do more for him and uh Not like he chooses me to do more but just that he wants to He wants me to be more part of his life sometimes in some ways or her life whatever god is, you know The goodness in the world whatever that is You know, I'm not I'm not sticking this uh pin in this tail on a on a religion donkey. I'm just I'm just trying to save my ass, you know, uh But I feel like you know, uh

And you know, I get caught up in myself and I'm not doing It's not that I'm not doing I just I don't know sometimes I feel like there's just a more like god wants to be able to do things with me And not pedophile stuff, you know good stuff positive things not take me to a damn Marilyn Manson's, bro I can't believe we went dude. It was like 200 people in there was so small And he cut twiggy Ramirez open with a damn beer bottle And we lost our minds, bro God

All right, let's get some calls that came in man. Let's hit one up right here. Uh, here we go Yo, Theo, this is Steven calling from Reno, Nevada What's up, Steven from Reno? And Reno is one city I would never Um, accept blood in You know, I'll drop a pine off, bro, but if they try to put anything in me and Reno, son You know, I'll friggin I'll fly out before I catch that bag son gang on we're just calling the inform you that it's had a

The birth of my first son last night. Congratulations, man Dude, this is positive stuff. Thank you for this call, man You know, I've been I've had a shovel out for half of this episode and I've just been digging. I sent you a hole That's beautiful man. Congrats, Steven You know, he went full term So he wasn't premature Like that gentleman Nick Oh, yeah early Nick, they called him in this house growing up

You know and he'll You know and he'll He'll grow to 70 years probably but he'll never hit nine months. You know, he'll never hit full form, baby onward But uh, just letting you know that he's a healthy baby boy born february 2nd and midnight And uh, we decided to go ahead and name him Theo After you, you know a little Theodore and just sharing that with you, buddy gang gang gang gang, bro

Dude, that's cool, man. Thank you, bro Thank you, Steven, man. Uh That's sweet of you, man I love that little guy And I hope your wife is doing it good and healthy and congratulations, man You got a little son, that's beautiful, man You know, I think I you know, I think about it more and more often About getting a little child that that's that's my own

And um Well, look, I'll give you some warnings. What can he look forward to as being a theo? It can be tricky Um And he was born at midnight. He's at midnight snack You know, we had a kid in our neighborhood growing up this kid brunch Hawkins was his name and he was named He was born right at 10 30 a.m. So they call him brunch um But for your son being theo he might wet the bed at least 32

You know what I'm saying, bro, but it's not really it's not a medical issue It's just he's just nervous and scared and that's how he is um You know, he believes in you know, he it might be seeing his belief in really um What else? He likes pasta, but he doesn't go crazy for it. I would say that he's gonna like coconut um

What else? He yeah, he'll be feel definitely be flirty with the ladies all ages You know, he likes to hug a woman make a woman feel good Like to feel the titties press against his body against his the warm bags against his body Um, what else? He might have a nightlight for a while man. He might have a nightlight still Um What else could I tell you about this kid?

He you know, he's gonna have that that that freaking he's gonna be dragging that wagon baby He's got that booty of meat and that's gonna be You know, it is what it is and it ain't what it ain't but if he sits down he means it Um He likes box lunches if you send him to camp you can send him with a lunch He's not gonna complain. He likes that lunch He likes to open his little meal and have his little things in there

Um, and you can just cut the sandwich one way. You don't need to do it both ways You know That's a little french for him and we don't need to do all of that What else he like he will have a teddy bear, but it might not be a teddy bear It might be a different kind of like Kind of a stuffed animal or something, you know or a different like thing that he'll sleep with You know, I used to sleep with a wooden spoon for a while Um

You know just he just he he just might pick something different Uh, what else? He'll like to ride his bike, but he's gonna want to ride probably with other kids He don't want to ride alone really that much it gets scary um You know, he's gonna want to hear that you love him You know, you just gonna want to tell him and just make sure he hears you, you know, just Just let him know that you love him. That's going to really make him feel good

um What else uh And if he has a brother make sure they know their brothers make sure that they look out for each other You know, or if he has a sister make sure you tell them. Hey, this is your sister. You you know, you guys are teammates You know, make sure you let him know that because if nobody tells him he just won't know And so he might feel by himself and his siblings might feel by theirself um But dude, thank you, bro. Thank you for sharing that and congratulations to little theodore, bro

Beautiful little fell out in the world, man, you know, and I hope he really has a good existence and and for me It's been a fun name to have You know, it's really been a fun name to have so far. So I'm happy to pass it on Let's get another call here that came in. Um, this is nine, uh nine eight five six six four nine five zero three as always Hey, bro, uh My name's michael from texas What's up, michael

and texas Yeah, texas is a good place to uh Honestly to hide a body man You know what I'm saying you get about West of uh A vell pastor with a shovel dog. They're never going to find your ex-wife dog gang um I've called a couple of times

You know that's questions and advice Uh about my addiction Yeah Um The day before last or the night before last Or the night before last All right, I relapsed

I was just a little just a little over a hundred days clean silver We're doing this really good and uh With everything that I'm going through You know, uh I gave in Yeah The guilt of knowing that I gave in

And not saying anything to my family or fiance or anyone that's getting to me Because I know how the proud they were of me right It's all they talked about how proud they were I let them down I wanted to uh Now I don't know if I really wanted vice or whatever. I mean, I'd love your advisor Really, I just

Called to Get this off my chest Somebody Because I literally have no one that I want to talk to about it And I know you've been you've been there so Gang brother, um Thanks for thanks for the call man. I feel like literally like I'm listening to myself right now. So Thanks for the call

You know, I'll I'll just share what other people in program have shared with me That you know, it's just a journey. This is our journey And this is where we are You know, I had three years two years six months um Dude a hundred days, man. Do you know how Bro that hundred days is Man, that's the hardest, bro

Getting that first that hundred days In a pandemic when people are Eating each other and people's You know everybody people's buying guns and doing traps in the yard and freaking Iwo Jima and shit You know what I'm saying people's eating fireworks people's marrying their sister Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17 year old You're doing fine, man You're doing fine, man, uh

I'm gonna see if I can try to call you right now. Actually, bro. Let me see what I can do here. Hold on Hey Michael, what's up, man? It's Theo Vaughn, bro What's up, man? Just I'm just chilling, man. Uh I'm actually calling up It's crazy, man, because I'm doing this episode and we can leave this in the episode or we can take it I it can be up to you. Uh, but yeah, I was just talking about I relapsed like a month ago and You know and I just I don't know I felt uncomfortable talking about it and then I got to your call and it's just like well

I could just I could feel you man It's been rough, brother It's been a rough time, but I'm getting through it Yeah, how you managing all right Yeah, I'm just I mean after it happened I kind of Uh, I mean I kind of went off, you know the beef in there for a little bit Uh, I still haven't told anybody but uh It was rough for like a I could good three days

And then finally I just told myself like you did what you did Just you know, just take your head up and go Amen, man I cannot believe I'm on the phone with you right now. Jesus Christ. Well, crazy. If I look I just It was just man It was just small world because I was like scared to talk You know, I was talking about it on the on the episode. I was like scared to talk about it And I'm like, how do I say this and you know, I felt like I was letting some people down and like

And I guess I felt like I was letting myself down too, you know some uh Uh, you know, but then I got to your call and I was like, oh man, um Yeah, I'm not the only person that's you know, that's just kind of had this moment, you know Yeah, it's It's a hard thing to go through, you know, especially by yourself But no one to talk to you A lot of people don't understand it I feel like a lot of people don't get

You know that that stuff so That's kind of what I called you because I know that I don't really know what you Messed with in the past, but I knew that You kind of had you know your issues Oh, yeah, that liquors. I don't have a problem with drinking but I get if I if I you know, I'll get scared I'm gonna get by that white donkey, bro. You know Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'll be I'll be riding that dude. I'll be riding that downhill donkey on roller skates, son I was all into the I was all into the pain pills. That was my biggest

My biggest thing right there. It took me down for a long time. Damn. You do construction. I got into heroin Damn, bro Yeah What are you doing dog? Damn. You trying to be on that so the wire you got a tighten up dog Dude, I just I was one of them people that if I did it I went I was all in I went I was all in I was gonna do it. I want to do it all and do the most I could Bro, I can relate. Look every time I meet somebody that smoke crack. I'm jealous of them Because I never got to smoke. I've always wanted to try it. I know I've always wanted to try but I'm scared

That's when that's when I guess we know maybe there's something that's different in our head because other people They'd be like somebody's like I'll smoke crack. They'd be like, okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna get out of this wall greens before things get weird But you and me bro. I'll be like, hey man. Tell me what it was like Exactly Exactly, that's funny man Um, well, how are you feeling now? Man? Are you feeling better? What are you feeling like? Well, I mean I mean once I got over the guilt

uh I started feeling better. Yeah, and I've been you know something else. I've been doing was really you lean it on on god And I know that sounds corny to some people or whatever but Not to me man. Not today it doesn't bro Well, a lot of people I mean, I you know, I've seen over the years like a bunch of people that you know that You know go to prison or go to rehab

As soon as they get out there Like they're all into god and the buy when a lot of them are just I mean in my opinion, they're putting on a show I don't really think they they believe it. You know what I mean? Yeah, and I didn't want to come off like that but No, I've really been leaning on On god and trying to read the bible and praying as much as I can And uh, it's kind of got me through it Yeah, man, it was your show too, dude your show

I'm not trying to be a fan boy, but you don't I don't think you understand Like how much your podcast? I'm trying not to cry dude. I don't want to sound like a dumbass, but uh You listen to me. I think your voice sounds tougher than my voice. I would say that easily. I'm not so brother. I'm not so but Every morning when I get up, it's hard for me to get up. It's hard for me to Put my clothes on and go to work and I feel you. It's just hard because my job. I mean, I'm a grave digger I bury people for a living. Dang no way, bro. Are you serious? Yeah

Damn, bro, you're working. Wow. You're at the sphincter of life, bro. You that grave digger, dude So sometimes it's like fucking depressing So I get up. I'm depressed because of my issues and I go to work and I'm burying people Damn, bro, I can't catch a break and then uh, I ended up buying some of these airpods I put my airpods in one day I knew that you had a show For a podcast and I started listening to and do that's all I do All day long on the tractor

At the gym. I mean the tractor will bury a dog No, you got to use a tractor to dig holes. They don't dig them by hand Oh, they don't people do if they don't have money, but Like if they can't afford a tractor or something. I can understand that most people dig them by the backup now Oh, that's sell-off ship. I want that hand dug baby Dude, I've done it a few times and it's it's a lot of work, bro A lot of work because I guess legally you got to get them so low, huh? Yeah, yeah, I think the law requires here to have

20 24 inches of dirt on top of like whatever you're buried in So we've got to dig down you pretty deep like five feet really. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you could take. Yeah Supposed to be six, but you know We're trying to get out of here Yeah, that's what they say. That's a myth word. Yeah, damn Wow, man, that's crazy to even think that I'm doing a podcast and somebody that's digging graves is listening to it, bro That's literally what I'm doing like while I'm digging graves. I'm listening to your pocket It's the only thing it's the only thing and I'm not trying to be corny, but it's been the only thing that's

You put a smile on my face made me laugh like I remember one day like a week or two ago I was listening to one I don't remember what you're talking about But you said something and dude I laughed So hard I was crying I was crying Oh, it was about uh, you were talking about joining a cult. You're talking to Brendan about you're joining a cult Oh, yeah, something like you said I was doing

Dolphin danger for some shit, dude. I I was crying. I was laughing so hard man. I was on that giddy up, baby. You know Yeah, dude, that one got me. But I mean, I just love listening to it every day Oh, thanks, bro. Well, I appreciate it man. That means a lot dude. I'm glad that uh You know, I'm just glad that I'm glad that when any of us have some little thing in life to look forward to You know, and that's one reason why I feel like You know when you talked about god, I was like, dang bro. I want I just want uh Yeah, you just never know when we can be that for somebody any of us, dude, you know, so it's like that's what I hate about You know, if I'm messed up or something. It's like

Am I missing out on those chances? Or any of us missing out on those chances to be you know The person that sees somebody at a store and gives them a smile or the person that Answers the phone when somebody calls and they're having a tough moment. It's just like You know, I just fall out of the lane of that. I fall out of that h.o.v. Lane, you know Yeah, um but Well, damn dog, you know, just don't be too hard on yourself, man. You know, I'm not trying to preach at you, but

You know, it's not all linear things aren't all linear, you know Yeah, like I was like, it's gotta be in a straight line. I gotta do it, you know Yeah, that makes sense Sometimes our story we just don't know what our story is man, but Yeah, that's how I feel now. I just feel I feel like I'm trying to figure out Like what I need to do next and how I'm gonna do it Yeah sober Yeah, that's a tough thing to do

It's tough man, and it's been a tough time for people too, man I mean, I've had friends that have died. I've had friends that are the most soberest people ever. They should be in a damn Sober pageant, bro. They would win They would win dang, you know the top prize. They would win the crown of um, but they People fall off. It's a tough time, you know Yeah, I've been having a berry like literally berry people that I knew Grew up with it. It's fucking rough It's rough like I'm people that I grew up with

Went to school with I'm putting them in the ground because of COVID drug, you know all kind of shit Damn, bro Yeah, dude, that's why yeah, man. Yeah, look, well, at least you have an excuse, bro I'm just podcasting And being hard on myself You are hard on yourself, bro, you need to ease up a little bit I want to tell you that I messaged you on instagram too. Oh, you did on you Yeah, you messaged me back one day and I fucking I bet had a heart attack

Dude, don't have a heart attack, bro. No fucking the bodies are gonna pile up at the gate I was one of those fans that I'm sure you get a lot of I'm you know, like you'll if you mess storm or reply They fucking thank your buddies Yeah, yeah, oh, that's a dangerous game. Yeah, people start sending you everything recipes, bro They start sending you baby pictures and shit Like that Dude, that was that was me when you wrote me back that day. I was like, oh, yeah. Well now we're friends. Hey, man. How about this? Then I had to dial it back a little bit and then I was listening to one of your shows and you're kind of being hard on yourself

And I was like, you know, I'm gonna write him one more message to tell him that you know cheer up not be so hard on himself Yeah, you need to ease up man. Yeah, I don't know how I you know, I don't know and it's funny I don't even notice it. It's just the way that I'm built But I appreciate that man. Maybe maybe this podcast will one day end when I'm finally not hard on myself, you know I think you just need to realize you're uh, you're a special good person man like And I think you I think if you knew how good of a person you are and how much you help You know everybody and people that listen to you

I think you wouldn't be so hard on yourself You hope thanks, bro. You helped me a lot brother. So I appreciate you calling me bro. Like you You don't know what this is doing to me right now. Like it's Like when my phone started ringing, I've got your number The hotline number. Yeah stored in my phone And uh, when my when my phone started ringing I was in there with my my fiance

And I grabbed the phone. I took off running Damn brush, you think you left her for another man, bro You're gonna have to go back in there man. Well, dude, I appreciate it man. Yeah, I think you know, I think we It's just funny. We all just need somebody to hear We all just need to hear that somebody thinks that we're important or this that like we matter, you know and uh Yeah Especially like when people that struggle with alcoholism and that kind of stuff man It's like damn. I don't know why those words just aren't built into our skin sometimes. Um

But look man, I'll be in touch with you man. I'm gonna hit you on my private line. Don't be calling me all the time, but uh But I'll say hey, that would mean the world to me man. If you really did that would mean the world to me Well, you got it, bro. You know, I feel like at least we can uh Uh, hey, you know two alcoholics talking to each other man. That's how the whole program started There we go So Well, don't be hard on yourself man. I love you, bro I love you too, man. You I appreciate you calling me. All right. You bet man. Be good dog

All right. I'll talk to you soon. All right. Peace, baby Man, bro I don't even know what the world is man Man, I don't even know why that made me kind of emotional, bro. I think you know, it's just I don't know I think we all I think we all just want to hate we all just want to hate we all want to hear somebody I don't know we all want to hear somebody tell us that we're okay. You know where we all want to Man, I don't even know man. It should got me some type of way right now, bro Damn no homo for real, bro. No cat man

But Yeah, I don't know we all just We're all just trying to be okay and and somehow this world has made it kind of tough sometimes Or maybe it hasn't I don't know. I don't know. I don't know man, but But that's the power of people I know that, you know I know you could call somebody and you could both leave the call feeling like somebody cares and I think You know, uh Well, I think that's powerful and that those are moments where I think God shows up, bro

In those little moments where somebody feels like when you feel in your heart, bro When you feel that feeling inside of you just like Care Bears are fucking swimming through your veins though when you feel Like the world comes out of usually I feel like the world goes in It's coming on me. It's but when you feel like the world comes out of you for just brief moments, man That's where I find God man Right there Uh, let me see if anybody needs a call right now I think man, we did a lot. I've been through I've been through a lot man. I'm gonna need some more water man

damn but Yeah, if anybody is out there struggling man, I guess the hard thing is yeah, just saying like I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm struggling or I didn't I didn't do first place You know, I didn't win. I didn't you know, I'm not sober. I'm not champion. I'm not uh You know the pressure I just I don't know I don't know man. I don't know what I'm trying to say, man I'm just trying to say if you having a tough day, man, I love you, bro. I am female bro and

And if you're not having a tough day and you're feeling good then You know, you never know when you could be that little bit. I like that that reflects off somebody And makes them feel Warm, you know, no homo dog for real, bro. Praise god dog. So um Damn, I'm gonna hear about this shit of jiu-jitsu dog. Damn, brah They're gonna be hard scarfing your boy out there But keep your head up out there Michael. Thanks for the call man and thanks for the kind words, dude

Hmm Yeah, I'm still kind of a real just overwhelming emotion, but I don't know what it's about You know, sometimes when I feel emotional I do I have to like kind of like feel it And like I'll try and talk to myself like, okay Are you happy? You know, are you And then I'll be like, maybe I'm happy and I'm like, okay. Well, why are you happy? Okay, I'm happy because And I'm happy because No, it's not really happiness because then my emotions start to fade away and I can tell if they fade away

Then I'm not on the trail So then I'll be like, are you Surprised sometimes the word will come in my head. Am I surprised? Yes So now I answer yes, I'm surprised And then why are you surprised? And then I'm surprised because I guess I'm surprised because people care So, you know, I'm surprised because people care

Because I think, you know, when I was young and shit growing up, I felt like nobody cared, bro And you put up all these things inside of you because nobody cares, you know, and then You happen upon a small moment where somebody really cares, you know And uh And it just disproves everything you thought you ever knew about the world man and that is Surprising So that's how I work through when I'm having like a Emotional thing like where I figure out what I'm feeling. I have to ask myself

Are you happy or are you Shameful or you, you know, you have to ask and then If it still feels like it's almost like a metal detector If it still feels like you're getting a little bit of a feeling then I'll say well, why am I happy or why am I ashamed or why am I Um mad, you know, and then sometimes I can I can badger Up those feelings Y'all should see these badgers, bro

These bitches are for real out here, son That one's on that cocaine man that was on that dust son. Um, all right, man What else do we have today? We got nothing else, man, but I'm I'm just I Don't know man. I'm happy to be with you guys. You guys be good to yourselves, man You deserve it and thank you for being a part of my life, man. I really mean it. I needed it today and boom You were there, man. Damn You never ever know what can happen, man

Uh, let's leave out on this tune, man. I love this tune and this man really did it right and uh This is from josh kelly my baby in the band hold me my lord sing down the sun Shine down your song Oh, so that it might Guide me back Y'all need some light On the darkest of days

So that we might Eat Come on So holy holy holy lord holy my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me hold me hold me with your loving Oh, come on josh kelly all that I need is you to hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me my lord Hey, you know why I've been unkind At times even cruel

Oh, I lost all my joy Until I found Blessed the hands That forgave this full heart Buried the sins Come on baby, make way for a brand new star brand new star, baby. Come on Holy holy holy lord holding my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me hold me hold me with your loving

Come on hold that i need is you to hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me my lord Hold me my Lord I need you to hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me my Lord I wanna walk with you in the light I wanna sing with you through the night Hold me, believe that all hope is mine

Oh, please, oh Holy, holy, holy Lord, hold in my heart I'm down on my knees asking you to hold me Hold me, hold me with your loving arms Come on, baby, hold me All that I need is you to hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me Hold me in my love

Hold it, hold me I need you to hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me Hold me, hold me my love Come on, come on, tell Him, Joshua Come on Oh Oh

I'm asking you to hold me man. Come on now No, I'm a brother for real for real, bro. Oh That's hold me my lord and that is from his new album my baby in the band Mr. Josh Kelly and if that ain't a song Then I don't know a song man Yeah, sorry, I kind of been leaking out on this one, bro, but you know some days that's the way it works and I Guess I'm a little embarrassed kind of but I'm not ashamed

you know and Yeah, and I love you guys man gang bro