This Past Weekend - E331 Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: March 27, 2021

Theo sits down with podcast prodigy, Andrew Schulz, to discuss Theo's theory on the US Postal Service, the UFC matchups they want to see, Schulz getting called out for leaving New York and the podcast wars continue with Bad Friends. https://bit.ly/theo-von Andrew Schulz:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAndrewSchulzWebsite: http://theandrewschulz.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/andrewschulz/Flagrant 2: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5PstSsGrRwj2o6asQpC4Rg   New Merch: theovonstore.com​   Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to [e-mail].   This episode is brought to you by:The Zebra: https://TheZebra.com/theoFabletics Men: https://fabletics.com/theo and get your 1st two pair of shorts for just $24 when you become a VIP member at checkoutModiphy: https://modiphy.com/theo for a $250 creditLiquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com    Music:“Shine” - Bishop Gunnhttp://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn​   Hit the Hotline[phone]   Video Hotline for TheoUpload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline   Find Theo:Website: https://theovon.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/theovonFacebook: https://facebook.com/theovonFacebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekendTwitter: https://twitter.com/theovonYouTube: https://youtube.com/theovonClips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   Producer: Nick Davishttps://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Duganhttps://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's guest is a really is a is a unique man. They would say if you saw something and it is He was from the north and now he's a southern man. He's a dirt, he's dual Hemisphere man now You may know him from his flagrant to podcast with Akash sing or His brilliant idiots podcast with Charlemagne the god or shalt saves America on Netflix. It is my friend comedian Andrew Schultz Do you look

I start firing on my minorities Yeah, I got this covered boys. Yeah, you start wearing one of the coming to America hats I saw some guy Yo, I got some my teeth, bro. Do you I think I'm gonna I'm gonna get it out with this But whatever we're going. Yo shouts of Nate Bargati, man. Yeah shout out to Nate Bargati Many got that new special that's out. Um, I don't even know the name. It's a Most American man or something. Yeah, the best average American Something like that. Yeah, which is good. I like it. Yeah, it's good stuff, man

I just love me Yeah, dude, he just described him in the funniest way. I don't know if we were recording for it Yeah, he's smart. He Yeah, you said that you and I are neat. We need something from the audience I need to see the audience doing something. Yeah, and Nate could probably perform We were saying he did the show the special with the masks. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah He could do that He could do his jokes if people were laughing or not and he could perform them in the same way. Yes, and he'll be fine

Yeah, you and I would have a meltdown. If they were wearing masks, just in our own heads, like they were laughing at the fucking they squinted for What's wrong with these fucking people? Yeah, what's that guy thinking about? Yeah, Nate could perform for reforestation like he could perform for like You know like a to pee like a fall, you know, he just yeah, he doesn't need that. Right. He doesn't need that heavy feedback. Yeah God bless. Yeah, dude. I want to come down there. I just love y'all's new set man Even though it looks on IG. Yeah, it just looks like I need you down there It makes me want to do some capoeira dog in order. Um, you know, um, Kuiperina. Yeah Some capoeira and a Kuiperina. Yeah, dude. It makes me want to do that And I see you guys are rent. What do y'all rent in a palace or something out there?

You just get a little palace We're in a hood though to be honest. Are you? Oh, yeah, that's nice. It looks like it's not Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, it looks nice, man. Yeah, I like going down there, man Yeah, what's going on, bro? I mean just chilling dude. Yeah life getting some sun out here doing shows Have you thought differently since being in Miami like has it started to adjust your view of like do I need to be in New York? Oh, I was thinking this on the way here like if there's one positive to Corona Um, it's I made a lot of money. No, if there's a if there's one positive to Corona I think it's people from New York and in LA

Realize that oh, there's other places in America that are really nice to live. Yeah, and I Didn't have I had that attitude when I was growing up and then I kind of like got out of New York And I have family it's not from New York So I like saw there are other like really cool places in America but like I know that attitude because I grew up with that attitude right and Yeah, just going down to Miami and like just really enjoying living in a fucking house Yeah, and like having a drive to work and then going it's nice taking half an hour. Just collect my thoughts Yeah, dude, it's dope. Well, especially for somebody coming out of the city

I mean that's gotta be a really different energy. The city's great, but it sucks. Yeah, like it's the worst place to live It's not how human beings should live. Yeah, you've been in New York. Yeah, I've been in New York, man Oh, I remember I was doing drugs. I was staying at Ari Shafir's old place dude before he frickin Did that epithet for Kobe or whatever he did whatever it's called every before he spoke at his funeral. Yeah, and uh, I Got locked out of there dude. I had to climb they have like these communal gardens or something. Yeah, it's like, you know No, they don't they do they have like there's no commuter card In a backyard to get into like bro, it was insane. It's just crazy. Yeah. Yeah, this is a lot for your sweat There's a lot going on for even somebody that's not I felt like I almost got wrapped up in one of your stories

It almost happened just right there, bro. It almost happened right there It sounds so romantic and fantastical that I was like, oh, tell me about New York Fucking communal car at Welton C. There's a fucking communal garden or somebody burned a building down Anyway, how to jump offense I just sneak around the back of his building to get in. Yeah Um, yeah, but I thought New York City is hard, bro. I think you get older. It's gotta be tougher Okay, what what if it's not older? What if it's like? You start achieving some of your dreams and then you're like How much do I want to live in the grind?

To get to the place where I want to be because it is the place for the grind. Oh the grind. Yeah, you know Yeah, you're P. Yeah, you're a coffee bean dog. You fucking get in there. You're just getting rent And it's worth the bees you get to put you know do all the sets and shit like I remember seeing you run around the city You know, I should go over out there to LIE to that other place out there They had it dude. That's the crazy one. You're the the room will be 30 feet by two and a half Norwegian, what is it called the Norwegian cruise line? Yeah Remember how crazy that shit is Wait just couldn't even carry a tray

To be it was 2d comedy She had a set the drinks on her shoulders in the walk Oh, I can see that. Yeah, he's so calm. Yeah, Nate is that calm man? I bet him donating blood. It could be It could be an afternoon. Yeah, but it could be he donates double. It's a while His blood don't even care to go What are we doing here, Nate, you know, yeah, he's a calm man. He's the middle of a storm that guy He's good at just staying staying calm man. Um, we had a question that came up Raleigh mouse here with us today and

And why don't you bring something up Raleigh? We got a fellow that from the MTA I know that brought in a question here. It's an urban gentleman kind of suburban gentlemen No, we're urban. This guy's urban. Oh urban gentlemen. There we go. Get it out. That's it, huh? Do you ever move back to Cali? Well, let's see what this guy has to say Sorry Brandon the bike the podcast is Just gonna be some sting

It's been staying for a couple weeks You and Chrissy better eat some weird shit Hey, what's on the menu? What's on the menu next week? Bro, he's getting freaking ridiculous I'm flying in for a delicacy Get the volume on Riley. No, hold on. So you're not going back, bro. You're not going I'm going back, dude

Fuck you, bro. This is a question. Turn the question on, Riley. I can't even throw my mic There's no sound coming. There's no sound. Fix the damn thing. I couldn't even throw my bike away because y'all made fun of me for the way I laugh on the podcast. Who did? Shut the fuck up That is you, dude. Yeah That is you Bro, yeah, that is you. Who said that? Who did that one? I did. That's awesome, bro. Finally better way to fix it, Riley. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm trying to do. Okay. I was crying. Sorry, man. This question was supposed to fit in perfectly.

How old are these kids you got working here, bro? 12 years old? I don't know. He's getting bad. You got a little Peter Pan factory going on. What's going on, man? Bro, that's the one thing you'll find out outside of LA and New York, dude. It's young boys. We got a question that came in right here for you, souls. Okay, okay. What's up, Dio? What's up, Hazy? She's a boy, Morphe from New York City Harlem repping that MTA hitter as you can see. Yang, baby, let's go.

Actually, fuck him. This is a shitty organization to work for anyway. Anyways, my question, Hazy, man, I've been watching you ever since like fucking die cold, man. You came a long way, brother. Yeah. Anyways, my question for you is, who do you think you are, bro? You've been shitin' on New York ever since you left, man. What the fuck is going on? The fresh shit, man. The fresh shit. We never see you around. We got cocaine. We got hookers, taxes, everything you went to, man.

Yeah, well, I'll be up there, man. I'll come through. I'll be the white, Hazy, bro. I'm gonna come through and take that land. I'm not the one. I'm gonna come through and take that land, baby. I'm gonna come through and take that land, baby. Where you been at now? Is it true that you've been shitin' on New York? I have no clue. Is this you? Have you been shitin' on New York? No, I love New York, man. I just love not New York, too.

But you're gettin' different, though, bro. I'm different. I'm tan, bro. I look better tan, bro. Oh, you do? I think I look better tan. Well, you come in a lot more, and I'll be honest with you, bro. You come in a lot more, I think, Mexican, bro, or fucking beach slob. You know what I'm saying? Like beach Croatian. Croatian beach slob. Dude, I'm sayin', bro. They're fucking slobs, bro.

Yo, them slobs are wild, bro. They're white, but they're not. They're not, dude. You crack them open, dude. There's a couple brothers in there. There's a couple brothers in the rib cage eatin' oranges, bro. It's like them little Russian dogs. You're gonna get a brown one eventually. Yeah, oh, there's Sheldrick. Yeah.

That's a good question, though, man. Like, yeah, well, it makes me think... I love New York, but I'm a complete hypocrite, bro. Now, tell me this. Have you been able to get different... Sorry, I interrupted you. Go, go, go, go, go. Have you been able to get different guests down in Miami that you wouldn't have been able to get? Not really. I mean, like, we had your boy.

You gotta tell me what happened with Chris Hansen, bro. Because we had Chris Hansen. Yeah, you got that. And then everybody kept hitting me like, yo, tell him to pay back Theo. I was like, for what? I thought they said tell him to pay back Theo. And I didn't know if, like, you were involved in, like, to catch a predator in some way.

Oh, no, I never done anything like that. Okay, so, like, no, not... I'll be honest, bro. I had one girl... He should show up here, though. One girl sent me a message in IG and I said, you are too young for me. Now, could he... She worked for you with the rest of the fucking children that you have here, dude? Dude, dude, dude.

That kid is of age. How old are you? That kid doesn't even know what the fucking Pythagorean theorem is. This kid's nine years old, bro. That guy fucking wrote it. He's ancient, not Greek. Dude, whatever. Riley Mouse, how old are you? I'm 22.

There you go, bro. He's 22, he's hairless, too. And look, I'll tell you this, never a... He's hairless, so he looks younger. Got his first pass. He would be a great stuntman for Chris Hansen. I asked Hansen who picks the adult children. What did he say?

He didn't answer. That's a weird casting job. Like, you look young enough. How do you do that? You go out to bars and just kind of see who looks real young? I don't like that kind of stuff when somebody looks too young, man. Especially as I get older, there becomes this governor in your head

that tells you this is someone who has a book bag. That's where it is for me. If somebody has a book bag, for any reason. Even night school, whatever it is for any reason, I know I don't... You don't like kids and you don't like people furthering their education around their job. Right.

I understand you have a tough job and you want to be a nurse. But that's not for you. Yeah, that's not for me. That's one of the deterrents for me. I feel like it's a book bag, you know? Yeah, I think that's a good one. It keeps me safe.

Because without the backpack, you'd be like, I need you. Well... It's dangerous out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look... Lucky you got it. Pianzate out.

I did get Pianzate out. So you took... I'm not going to say you took the easy way out, but you took the easy way out, bro. Not actually. You left the rest of us out here in this Barnum and Bailey-ass fucking... I'm 17, I'm 27.

Thought universe. Like, you know... It's true. You left it weird. I'll ask you this. Yeah. What happened to me with Chris Hansen was this. Yeah.

And there was... We put him up. I'll ask you this. This is what happened with Chris Hansen. Bro, you're impossible to talk to, dude. I'm sorry. You're impossible to talk to, bro. Guys, we both do this for a living.

No, let's talk. We promise. We both do this for a living. I don't do this for a living. Okay. Tell me what happened with Chris Hansen because I got inundated with messages. People are upset at me for interviewing this guy because I didn't know that he, I guess,

ripped you off or something. Dirt was extra charges at his room. Where'd you put him up? We put him up at the Four Seasons. That's the... You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, look, bro.

I was saying, you done made it. You done made it, bro. Four Seasons? Look, bro, we put him up at least the three seasons. Oh, he got all four. All right. According to those charges, mommy and daddy were all done.

That's true. Now, we put him up at the Three Seasons. He ordered the four. That's what I'm saying, bro. How much extra charge? It was about $1,200 for autumn. No. That's what it was.

No. Including room? There was extra charges. So that's where it became a discrepancy where it seemed like he was trying to not pay the extra charges. Okay. And we kind of agreed on what the charges would be. Yeah.

So he felt like there was maybe gray area. I don't know. I'm not accusing him. It just seemed obtuse at the end, I thought. Because the story I heard, the way that, you know, the game of telephone changes shit is that he tried to sneak out the hotel and you had like an employee chase him down. Yeah.

Like on some not so fat, like, remember your show, sir? Like, how ironic. He leaves the hotel. He gets arrested. And then forced him to pay the bill before he left. That's what I heard. I swear to God, I'm not making up any of this. I swear to God.

And I got like 10 or 20 messages that were like this. Here's what happened. I had an assistant at the time. Yeah. And she was checking out what was going on. And she was literally talking to the woman on the front desk as he was leaving the hotel. And so.

It just so happened. It just so happened. And so the, she like, it was had to apparently speak with the lady and say, well, can you make, you know, get a hold of him and get some charges out of him? We got to get some charges out of him. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. But with that said, I mean, the dude has done a lot for humanity and I don't mind putting him up for another couple of nights. Isn't it, you know what I mean? Like there's a little part of you that's got to go like he stopped so many pedophiles. Oh, totally.

He shouldn't have to pay for the hotel. Yeah. But you were like, he should have to pay a little. Well. He didn't stop enough. He didn't stop what happened to me. What if the whole thing wasn't set up? Where were you when I was a kid?

Yes. What if that's the new show? Where were you when I was a kid? And it's just people. It's just trash. People rolling up on Chris Hanson and John Walsh and just sitting them down and saying, look, man, where were you when I was a kid?

We asked him about the Epstein shit because it's weird. He did so much good. Yeah. Look, Chris Hanson. Look, man, I'll say this. The guy has done a ton of good stuff. Yeah. Like to get in the way of those people.

And I think a lot of those people are sick. I don't know if a lot of people want to be touching kids. I think it's a sick. It's a fucking sickness. I don't think it's a choice you make up in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. But so and the guy's done a lot of stuff, man.

So Chris, no matter what happened, bro, I'll put you up anywhere you want to stay for a couple of nights moving forward, dog. You know what I'm saying? You keep the kids safe, baby boy. That's what I'm talking about. Mia Schultz got you, son. Wait, why am I him?

I miss. You're in on it. He got you, dog. We got you. We got a kid right here. We got two kids that you can save right now. Chris, come to. I'm not going to give the address.

Come to Wedgewood. We out here. This is our last episode here, actually, Chris. Yep. Okay. This is our last episode here, man. Where's the new one? Well, I don't know.

I'm not telling you. Not telling Brendan. Not telling Chris. Not telling the police because there's 15 more of his fucking cousins in there right now building the shit out. I'm not telling Chris either. The first kid to greet me, I was like, ah, he looks kind of young. And this guy's got on fucking bampers.

He's running like, what do you have here? A chocolate factory? Who's running this shit? Well, hello. Here's the grilly greeper growing. Dude, he is. How old are you, man, again? 22.

22. 22. He's American, dude. Yeah. Tell him you're straight American, aren't you? I am. Yeah, I never said he wasn't American. There you go.

Well, look. You said he was a boy. Yeah, dude. Well, look. I know there's racial connotation to everything. Okay? That's what people say. You know?

And he's a good guy, man. Good guy. Raleigh Mal. An adult, right, Raleigh? I am. Where do you work at, Raleigh? In Nashville. There you go.

All right. There you go. Let me ask you this, though. This is pretty rehearsed, bro. This is a good question. You guys been working on this? In case the cops come? I don't know what his fucking problem is.

Where do you work at regularly, Raleigh? What does Theo do after 10.30? I don't know. Where do you work at regularly, Raleigh? What do you make him for before he goes to bed? What's his favorite snack? No, I let him run around on my back for a few minutes before I go to sleep. I think Theo likes Cheerios.

Here's what I'm asking you, bro. Dude, your mic is looking for you, bro. It's just getting further. The other day, your mic put up a wanted poster. This is the picture you wanted, bro. Have you seen? It's just you and the picture you're hanging in front of you. Somebody got to prank me where they just cemented in.

I go to push it away. It's the new shake weight. God, I'm trapped. He did 212 mics today. Tell me this, do you think? Yeah. This is obviously a problem in our community of man communicating with, being able to communicate with women who may or may not be of age.

Yeah. Do I forgive Chris? No, that's what I'm asking you. No, no, no, I'm not at all. There's some shit on your heart, it seems like, but that's not what we're here for. Are you guys friends still or not? Chris and I are certainly, we were never like, Chris was hard to get close to.

And I think Chris will tell you that too. As long as I ever knew Chris, he was just honestly, he was on his phone and he was hard to get to know at all. Really? I always thought that. Because the outside perception was that you guys were homies. Yeah, I don't think that we're certainly friends. I mean, I think that.

Colleagues, was that a better word? I think colleagues is a better word. Work colleagues. Yeah. And I think, yeah, I mean, I think I would have probably wanted to be better friends. I just think, like Chris was popular before I had any popularity. Right. And he was hard to get to know.

But I think he was in his addiction. Literally, like when I think back on it, watching him like text women, it was like watching somebody use heroin in front of you. But you don't think of it like that. You don't think like, oh man, look how, like literally he could not stop. Yeah. So, you know, and I don't even think I'm talking out of turn, like I suffer from addiction.

So I know what it's like to have to like be in places where you feel compelled by powers that are greater than you kind of to do stuff. You have a lot of empathy for that, it seems. I think I do, bro. Yeah. But here's my question for you is this, man, do you think there should be some liability for Instagram and for these services that allow people to connect?

I don't think that you should be able to follow anybody under 18. Or communicate. They can't put a barrier between young people and adults. Like how is there... You can't go to a movie if you're not 18. Like you need your parent to go to the movie with you if you're under 18. It's crazy. But like Instagram, this is what I think is the worst that they're doing.

Like Snapchat and all them is not only... And Snapchat is probably the worst. That's why I don't even fuck with Snapchat. But like they are forcing you to see shit you don't want to see. Oh, yeah, yeah. Surprise. Here's a child. Exactly.

Here's a child dancing suggestively. And I'm like, nah, bro. This is shit. It's weird, bro. It's just weird, dude. Yeah. And here's a child. It's also like a Chinese like information like data suck.

So I'm just like, fuck that as well. Yeah, there's rumors of that. I mean, it is. It's not a rumor. They're just like, yeah, we built it. But I love all the data. It's just people with like pictures of like magical makeup on it. No, they're trying to turn Americans into pedophiles.

That's what they like. They're like 14 year olds dancing. Isn't that cool? Isn't that awesome? Dude, everybody's our fucking president is sniffing children's hair. How is that not our new national anthem? It's just him sniffing hair to a fucking trap beat, dude. That poor, did you see him just give up on his speech the other day?

My father said, anyway, he forgot the word. He forgot what he was talking about. He just said, anyway. Dude, I'm shocked. Call Pability you were saying about the app. How is there not like, how is there not a class action suit by any parents that have ever had their kid to have been approached by adults through the app? That that's not illegal.

I mean, that's insane, bro. If you made a pathway, if you allowed a company to dig a tunnel from my child's bedroom to a fucking grown man's house, dude, I would show up at the company and assassinate everybody in that bitch. That's what I would do. And that's the problem with some of these shooters. They're shooting up the wrong fucking places. People need to get shot. There's people asking for bullets.

No, it's true. They make a good point. Like, why do we not look at them and be like, why are you suggesting this shit to me? And then they blame it on you. They go, the algorithm knows what you like. No, it don't. Stop showing me shit. They removed the dislike button.

Remember, there was a dislike button. They're like, you're going to get rid of it. It's like, motherfucker, I can't even tell you to not show me young pussy, bro. Like, I can't even tell you to do that. You're going to remove my ability? Nah, they're fucked up, dude. They're fucked up. Like, you look at someone's explore page.

It says a lot about them, bro. That is very, mine is all adult shit. Yeah, yeah. A little bit of six, nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You have to have it, dude. Street fights?

Yeah, yeah. A couple of street fights on there. And then like a couple of fucking, like, what else is on there? Oh, I watched countless, I was listening to Count and Steve's new stuff. Yeah. You guys' stuff is on there. And then women, a lot of Russian women that I've sent the little hand emoji to. You do hand emoji?

That's your opener? Yeah. So I used to, it was just kind of nice for a while. I was kind of like, are these women even, but now it's like someone weren't even real. And does it matter? I just, at a certain point for me, it's like giving away, it's like, I'd rather just keep my own fucking chi, you know? I'm not serving my chi through this fucking dirty pipeline, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it doing for me? What percentage of chi are you giving with a hand emoji? I think you're giving away 5% of your chi on the day. That's about 5% chi. I think so. Do I have the control or not to let this thing influence me that much where I'm going to drop a hand to this Romanian?

I mean, you're going to drop a hand regardless. Right, probably. But at least drop it. The hand is going to drop. It's more than how she knows about it. That's really what the hand is. It's like, I'm going to use this. Yeah, but I'd rather like, you know, I'm going to hold onto this.

I hear you. I hear you. I'm going to keep a little bit of that energy so when I meet a girl at a cafe, maybe there's a little bit more hooks behind my fucking desire. Interesting. I'm going to think that I've been already rejected 70 times this morning. You know what I'm saying? I think some of that plays into how we operate.

You see some dude who's been rejected 9,000 times that month and he asks you out. I think his energy is probably going to be wet. Yeah, you're probably right. Then again, like you ever have one of those friends that is impervious to rejection? I'm not that friend. But do you know what I mean? Like I had a buddy growing up who just could get rejected and it meant nothing. Like he was more embarrassed if he didn't go say hello.

Oh wow. I wish I had that. Yeah. Who gave him that? Jamaica. Oh, is it on the comedian that was just here? No, no, no, no. Lil Duvall?

No, I love Lil Duvall. I know. I saw your video. I'll watch your YouTube video. It's sweet, bro. Bro, he is the goat. Lil Duvall I'm telling you is operating on another level. Is he?

That is another level. You got to be around him to get it and then when you're around him, you're going to really understand it. He's just trying to communicate shit that he's understood, come up with in the most digestible way possible. But if you just sit and talk with him and he really kind of gives you that part of him, you're going to go, oh, this guy is an alien. Damn.

He's the closest to alien that I've met. Damn. And no formal education. He literally said, I didn't have meals until I was rich. I grew up on appetizers. Wow. Like the guy had nothing, but his just brain is different and he can absorb everything and understand.

Like he's just fucking genius that guy. Yeah. Super genius. Yeah. I wish I'd gotten on. I'm going to try to go. I'm going to go see him next time he comes through. Yeah.

We got another question came in here. Let's play another one here, Rye. What we got, Rye? And where have you been, Rye? You've been doing a lot of church stuff or what? No, I've been doing a lot of music videos. Okay. You've been doing a lot of church stuff.

What do you do in the church? I run an audio and video. Oh, cool. And you're an active member of your congregation, Rye? What's that? Are you an active member of your congregation? Yeah. The guys that built our studio in Brooklyn, that's a big part of their business.

Doing AV for churches. Yeah. The thing about the church, I like the church show, but here's the thing about the church show. Okay. The church being too nice, letting too many people get on the stage. Then they got to do with the bell. They got the handicap dude.

They got the sign language. They got the guy in the cage always, like in the screened off. Why is that guy in the screened off stuff always? Who knows? Nobody knows. Well, somebody should, man. If y'all are running proper stuff up there, there's just too many men by the end of the year.

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Phabletics men. Play this beautiful guy right here, man. What up, Theo? What up, Schultzies? Juan from Gansas out here. What's up, Juan? And in this video, go to see my two favorite comedians, podcasters, on the same post. Let's go. The focus, I'm going to say. Didn't you have that American flag in your old studio?

Shout out to you. I saw you in Kansas City in the heat of COVID. Theo, I haven't seen you because you're scared to go out, but I see you posting those videos on Instagram. I'll be out, baby. Anyways, Andrew, I'm getting married this summer. Any tips on the speech? As a groom, I want to give a speech. That's good, man. Yeah, how do you perform that?

Do grooms give a speech? I thought you don't speak. I thought everybody else speaks. The friend's speech. So, yeah, the guy doesn't know how it works, but that's his problem. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, don't tell him. That's what advice is, just don't give a speech because that's how weddings work, right? Yeah, that's the advice, bro. Everybody talks about you, and then they trash you and say that your wife is amazing, and then the wedding's over.

Yeah, dude. You don't say anything. Yeah, it's mostly just trying to, you just guessing if any of the dudes are ever hooked up with your lady. That's what a lot of it is. Dude, I'll be at a wedding and I will tell the guy. I just want to let you know if the wife is inviting me because I'll get invited by something about her wife's. I will say I have never had anything to do with your wife. You just out of nowhere say that.

I feel like the guy, if I'm the guy. Fuck him up on the day of his wedding where he's like, why would you say that to me unsolicited? Now I'm thinking that you smashed my wife. Oh, yeah, you can't be thinking like that. You got to think like, I think like, I'm trying to let you know. I want you to feel safe that, hey, buddy, you know, I just want to let you know I'm just here for food and to be supportive. I never had, I've never even seen your wife. And what if I'm like, I never thought that you saw her because you guys didn't grow up together and you didn't even meet until today.

So why are you sharing this information? Yeah, because I'm definitely going to think that you made love to my wife if you said that. Damn, damn, damn. Yeah, like if I came in here and I was like, all the boys that you have working here at your factory, they never worked for me before you. What would you think? I feel like you know something about these boys. Yeah, I see. Yeah, I got to maybe I'll just have to think about her kind of do a pro con thing on it.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I like to say that. I'll say that to any girl I know who has a boy around. I will tell the dude, hey, man, I just want to let you know I never had anything to do with your lady, even if it's a lie sometimes. I think I just want the dude to feel comfortable. Wait, do you have any friends that are dating girls that you slept with? I'm sure I probably do. Currently?

I don't know. I don't have a ton of friends at the moment. I mean, I have like, it's like, I'm not in between friends, but it's during COVID. It's like, there's a couple guys who are your friends. I mean, probably, I probably have. I have probably. Who's the next person you're going to stop being friends with? Have you already figured it out?

Have you already figured it out? Have a seat. Bro, I can't get over how good the show would be. Where were you when I got molested? That's right. We never got to that. Like, he did so much good, but because he's the guy that stops molesters, you're looking at him like, where the fuck, like, come on, bro. Epstein was at it.

Like, what were you doing? What about some kid who's getting molested? He's just waiting for Chris Hansen to come in the door because he saw the show. Nope, nothing. Oh, that's got to be heartbreaking. Oh. Thailand. Imagine how many people see Chris Hansen.

Oh, I hate even thinking about this. This is the sick part about being alive sometimes is the thoughts you have. Like, imagine how many people see Christopher Hansen and think, man, I got reminds him that they got molested. Yeah. But you could also look at it like you might have got molested double if it wasn't for Chris Hansen. That's true. Because maybe one of those other guys would have been molesting, but he stopped it. There's no doubt that he stopped a lot of molesters.

Yeah, because those guys just go, it's just, it's like, yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah, damn. It's thick stuff, man. What else we got, Riley? Man, I want to bring up another question here because I don't know how to get out of where we are. A lot of pressure on you today, bro. A lot of pressure.

Here we go, man. Yo, Theo Schultz. Two of my favorites. What up? I've been seeing Schultz live this Saturday night show in Nashville. Let's go. I saw Theo a couple of years ago in Lexington. That's what's up from Louisville, Kentucky.

So I'm hyped for all this. But question here out of this list, who do you think is the most likely to have a successful presidential campaign? And all this is possible in the climate we're in. So here we go. Alex Jones, Dr. Umar AOC or Logan Paul. Okay. What we thinking? Dr. Umar is that woman, right?

No. Dr. Umar Johnson. Pull him up. Is? Riley Mal. The funniest guy unintentionally on the internet. Okay, okay. He's the prince of pan-Africanism, right?

Yeah. It's like, it's black empowerment and a lot of the stuff that he says is good. It's right. Care about the community, do all these things. But it's to another level. And some might say that he's a bit of a con artist. He's been trying to build a school for just black boys and he's getting this money to build a school, but the school has never been built.

And he is quite, can you go to like a Dr. Umar Johnson highlight reel? Yeah. Let's go to YouTube, Riley. Oh my God, dude. I got to bring up something because it's just too good. It's too, too good. He's a legend. This guy is a legend.

Is he really? Undeniably hilarious. How are you looking, Riley? Dr. Umar Johnson highlight video. Can you get that? Yeah. Give me a second. I think there's also like threads on.

There we go. Hold on. Oh God, it's too good. Let's see. Which one? Let's do the top one there. Let's see. Oh no, this is just the breakfast club interview.

You need a highlight for him. Okay. Let's go back, Riley. Yeah. I wish I had the video up. Oh my God. Hold on. There we go.

Part one. Hit it. All right. Let's see what we got. Comedy and consciousness. No cap. No cap. I haven't gotten any donations lately.

We need some donations. If you want to donate to the Black Parent Tour to help Dr. Umar with my expenses, Dala San Dr. Umar Johnson. Dala San Dr. Umar Johnson. Yeah. If you are a single, beautiful, nappy headed, intelligent, voluptuous black woman, senior resume, the Dr. Umar Johnson at yahoo.com. Damn.

If you are a single, beautiful, nappy headed, voluptuous black woman, senior resume. Is he serious? I'm in your ass. Leave no honor. I'm in your ass. William Clay. I'm in your ass.

Gerald Palmer. I'm in your ass. Anta Spingali. Who is this? The Raptors? Who's he talking about? In Newcastle, Africa. I'm in your ass.

Fuck court. Fuck the court. Strong alpha male. Send those resumes in. FDMG resumes. At gmail.com. FDMG resumes. FDMG resumes.

Strong alpha male, send those resumes in. FDMG resumes. At gmail.com. Damn, he has a lot of e-mail addresses, doesn't he? How hard is it so I can log in for my best? It sounds like a fucking nightmare. All right, maybe we didn't choose the right highlight, but trust me, this guy's unbelievable. It's already good.

It's already good. I promise. It's already good. I wish we came with more heat, bro. I gotta come with the links next time. I was kind of a bomb right there. I was kind of a big bomb. I feel really bad.

I know how important, you know, dead air is on a podcast. What was the question? I don't know, dude. Oh, yeah. Who would you want to be? Who is a realistic- Oh, yeah. Who's a realistic president?

Logan Paul, probably. You think? I don't... Oh, wait. Logan, maybe. The most realistic chance. I thought the other guy. Somebody just offered me a jet from here to go watch the brother fight.

Would you take it? Alex Johnson? Wait, Alex Jones? No, no, no. To watch the brother. Logan Paul's brother. Oh, oh, Jake. Yeah.

I can't decide if I want to go or not. Oh, yeah. If you can go, go. Are you kidding? It's going to be a great event. You think so? 100%. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I'll go. Yeah. There's going to be performances and shit. They know what they're doing. Wait, is that Triller shit again? Yeah. Oh, dude, I don't like it. You don't like it?

Bro, I felt like I was stuck at a fucking nightclub in Jacksonville. That's the whole thing you felt like, dude. Maybe that's why I liked it. There was just some bad lights and people fucking basically look like a couple of rappers wandering around singing while they were looking for their fucking car keys. And then if we cut to some fucking box, the boxing was fucking bad. I thought it was bad. Really?

Yeah. I loved it, bro. Did you? Yeah. I really liked it. Yeah, I don't know why. I mean, maybe it was just cool to see Mike Tyson fight again. It was cool to see Roy Jones fight again.

And then it was shocking to see Jake Paul just completely obliterate Nate Robinson. Yeah, that was crazy. But a lot of people thought Nate was going to win that probably. Yeah, that's just racism. Yeah. But that's like... That was racism the other way. Is it?

Yeah. This white guy can't beat a black guy in a fight. People just looked at it and they're like, there's no way that white guy can beat a black guy in a fight. They're like, yeah, but he's like six inches taller and he weighs more. But he's a white guy. His name is Jake. There's no way that he can win in a fight.

And it turns out that motherfucker can fight. That's crazy, bro. That's the thing about being able to fight. You can't really talk much shit to that person afterwards. All the people that just clown Jake Paul and make fun of Jake Paul, that kind of stopped. Yeah. Famous people. All of a sudden, Snoop Dogg and shit are hanging with him.

I remember Jake Paul did a music video with Gucci Mane. And everybody was teasing him and shit about it. And now all of a sudden, all these rappers want to hang out with him. Right. Everybody wants to hang out with the silverback, man. Everybody wants to hang out with the guy who's knocking people out. To a good point, huh? Yeah.

I bet your boy's going through that right now. Who's that? Dustin. Oh, yeah. I know he's been... Yeah, people have been trying to get him to do everything. No, stop. Yeah.

Driving gloves. I'm up to model driving gloves. I'm like, Jesus, man. For golf? Huh? No, for driving autos, bro. Like, did taxi cab drivers in New York? Like, roaring 20s kind of shit.

Dude, whenever I get into a taxi cab and the guy had gloves, I was like, bro, we're about to be early. Like, this guy came ready to work, bro. Yeah. Who's putting on? Dude, how strenuous is holding the wheel? We got power steering now, dude. People drive with their knees.

They're the people who have no arms and they go to work by driving with their fucking feet and you got full on gloves to hold the wheel. The wheel is made out of gloves. They made it easier for you. They just put the glove on the wheel. It's unbelievable. What could it possibly do? I don't know.

I don't know. After a long day of drive, you think you're taking it off? You're like, thank God I'm sweating. He's in the laundry. But I think they're weighted to help you get like, yeah. No, he's wearing weighted driving clothes. Have you fucking seen America talk? People are wearing complete bullshit.

There was a weighted swimming neck brace that two people fucking drowned in. They had a lawsuit like eight years ago. Why would anybody wear weights in the pool? Because they're fucking idiots, dude. Have you been alive? Have you fucking been outside of your eyes? No. People are retarded, bro.

A weighted swimming device. People are legally retarded and then there's people that are just after that. Yo, that's the thing that's crazy. Is it like we had to decide when a retard starts. Right. And there are people who are just not retarded. And we called him normal. Dude, there's no that, yeah.

That first. The first. The IQ point right there, those people walking around barely getting by. Yeah. Like every once in a while want to make one of them moans and they'll fucking Jurassic Park moans. There is a, yeah. Okay, Alan.

His parents just let him go outside and just fucking turn around and just look at each other. Just. Yeah. They got a hold in that fucking sound. Nobody knows. Yeah. They got a hold that shit in. Oh, yeah.

Just looking around. No. It's like a mosquito. Who do you? Yeah, dude. That's like a mosquito, dude. Bro, I realized yesterday how weird is this? Tell me if this is racist or not, dude.

Because you're the closest thing. You're the closest thing we had to a black guest in a while, dude. Is the U.S. postal system basically just like giving mail to a black guy and hoping it gets where it's supposed to go? That's what I feel like, bro. That's what I realized the other day. That the U.S. postal system today is basically just like handing the mail to a black guy and hoping he cares enough for it to go where it's supposed to go.

Is that not fucking the truth? Like, go mail something, bro. Go mail something. You might be honest. Yeah, no home or nothing, but like, it's fucking crazy, bro. What did you get lost, bro? Huh? I mean, it's just a lot of things, bro. A lot, right?

Bro, U.S. postal system shit is, huh? It's 50-50 shot. Remember when Trump tried to fix it in America? It was like, stop. It was like, this doesn't work. And they were like, stop. Stop it. And he was like, no, you understand.

It's just handing it to a black guy and maybe he brings it. And then they were like, stop trying to make it better. You dickhead. What the fuck are you thinking? He's like, but maybe there's a better system even for them. Like, we could give them an address or something to get your postage to. And America was like, fuck you for wanting us to get our mail.

Piece of shit. Yeah, are you crazy, guy? Dude, the anxiety of working there. You think we're not a white male fucking traveling around the country anymore? The shit has to stop, dude. But just imagine being that poor black guy. They just give you a satchel full of shit.

And they're like, do you know where any of this shit? Go deliver it. Yeah, but I was just wondering if I should know where's where. Is there like a route? Dude, how many black dudes out there are just pretending they're Santa every day and just fucking putting mail wherever? Bro, how many fucking? Bro, have you ever seen like a male person?

Are we racist or not, bro? They just let us know every day I go to my mailbox and I'm thinking there's going to be a letter and it's just going to say yes or no. But it never comes. Just tell us, man. That was a good laugh. It was a good laugh, man.

But we're no closer to an answer. We never will be, man. Shit's getting wild, you know? They said that, what do I see the other day, the thing about doing a movie with black Christopher Columbus, which is fucking blew my mind, you know? Really? Yeah.

I mean, that's actually kind of cool. You know, I fell off at the black Annie. So from the beginning I was out, you know, of like the forced, like the forced, because otherwise I want to see white Amistad. You don't want to see the other way. I want to see Japanese Amistad or I want to see, you know, ginger Amistad.

Yeah, that would be kind of sick. Ginger Amistad. Wouldn't that be crazy? Yeah. A bunch of gingers on a ship. Yeah, that's like Vikings. That was the Vikings. Yeah.

Right? Yeah, but not doing well, you know? We're having a tough- Yeah, being like- Steerage, in steerage. In steerage, yeah. Yeah, you don't like the forced diversity. I don't like it.

Yeah. I just don't think I get it. I get, like, there's some need for it in some places, but it's like, unless you're doing it everywhere, I just don't think it helps. I think in the end, things have to be merit-based, because otherwise you can't say, like, at this company, you got to have this,

but over here on this company, don't have, you know, it just kind of- Yeah. And I think it rubs people the wrong way after a while. Yeah, I don't think it works for anyone. Because the communities that are being quote-unquote represented aren't really being represented, because they're just taking a black person

and making them play a traditional white role. So, like, the black community is not going, yeah, that's us, they're going, nah, you're just acting like that white guy. Yeah, like, hey, Alvin, you're a businessman today. He's like, huh? You know, it's like- When, like, if you want to tell a story about a black businessman,

you could easily do that. Easily. There are tons of stories about black business. They're so fucking lazy in Hollywood, and they're so racist. This is how racist Hollywood, they're like, wait, do you think people would care about a black person's story? Fuck no.

Just make them James Bond. Right? Like, that's- That was, like, a hundred years of Hollywood. Yeah. That's what I don't understand how black people are, like, so, like, don't, like, don't just see that Hollywood

taking a fucking job for so long. Like, Virgil Tibbs was y'all's only dude forever. That's in the heat of the night. Can you pull up Virgil Tibbs, please, brother? Jesus Christ, man. Jesus. Can't get this fucking gotta work. Unbelievable.

Come on. Un-fucking-believable, dude. But, yeah, dude, it is a little fucked up when you think about it like that. Well, it just doesn't behoove anybody. Does it? I don't know. There you go.

Virgil Tibbs now. Oh, yeah, dude, this is from sneakers. Yeah, this is from in the heat of the night. Yeah, of course, of course. But, uh- He was my favorite, man. Oh, no, no, no, Virgil Tibbs. Whoopsie, my bad.

And that is, uh, Hercule Poirot, I think, is other guy. And that's from Raisin' in the Sun. Dude, first of all, is Raisin' in the Sun a racial turd? I feel like can we fucking- It's Super Raises, but can I say what I said was really racist, but it wasn't? I said sneakers, right? Because I was thinking of Sidney Poitier, right?

Mm-hmm. And I looked and I was like, but that guy looks like Sidney fucking Poitier. And then I was like, oh, shit, am I racist? Am I making two black people look the same? No, the third picture says what underneath it? Third picture, Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier.

So the one that I looked at was Sidney Poitier. Well, One of them is a movie and One of them is a television show. Yeah. Virgil Tibbs is the character. Right. And Sidney Poitier played, uh, him in the movie. Ah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay.

But, yeah, I, uh- And I love now how, now Hollywood's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. It's like- Yeah. I wish people would just understand Hollywood- It's just a-

Yeah, it's a business, right? It's a business. I try to get attached more to it and that's one of my problems. So now I'm all attached more. And then it lets us down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Man, they don't want me this and that. They're just a fucking business that thinks they're run really, really, that thinks they're great. That's also a thing about them. And it's one of those things where like, I feel like they set it up almost like McDonald's where, you know how, and this is not to insult motherfuckers who work at McDonald's,

but anybody can work at McDonald's. Mmm. Like they set it up so that- Yeah, you're right. Actually, anybody can work at McDonald's because they even do, they do everybody from down syndrome hires to full-fledged capable hires.

Exactly. Right? Yeah. So they've got the whole spectrum. And it's a brilliant business in that way where anybody can go in there and pretty much figure it out. And then you can improve and become a manager and do all these other things.

But like the lower level positions right there, anybody can kind of do, and they set it up that way. Mmm-hmm. And I feel like for a little while, Hollywood set up the system so well that they could insert whoever they wanted. Mmm-hmm.

And it kind of worked out. Right? Like there are a few actors and there are a few like movie franchises and shit, and you were just like, do people like this guy? Like what the fuck? But I'm still going to watch it

because that's what's on TV. Yeah. You know? And I do think that the internet kind of exposed that. Like when you think about it, we just talk shit for hours, and that's better than a TV show that they spend tens of millions of dollars on.

That's crazy. Like you and I have just made retard sounds. There was a part of this podcast where we just made retard sounds, right? I only made one, but yeah. But you did a couple, because you did the mosquito. You did a couple.

You did more. You did the most. Yeah, but you did the baritone. You did the most. Take that, King of the Sting. You're weird foods. We're out here, and we're making retard sounds.

You guys are bad friends. Get the fuck out of here. You guys are both two guys that I told I wouldn't do podcasts with. That's who you guys are. Boom. So let's fuck in. God's fired.

Bobby Lee, you're taking that. Santino, you're taking that. Bobby Lee's not even awake right now, and it's 4 p.m. in the afternoon. God texted me at 2.49 a.m. the other day, asking me a normal daytime question. What do you ask? I love that motherfucker so much.

I haven't seen you in a while. The fuck are you talking about? That's because I'm fucking dayturnal, fam. Tighten up, dude. Oh, fuck. Yeah, man. I don't know. He runs a tight ship, bro.

I remember during Corona, I went over there to do his podcast. No, they weren't a good ship. And him and his girl, Kalilah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're great. And I came over, I came with the crew, right? And they wouldn't let the crew in because of Corona. Wow.

Yeah, they got real specific. They got a new home, too. And they don't want a lot of people in their new home. I think her parents have, like, potential comorbidities. Oh, really? So she's taking it crazy serious, and I get that. Yeah. Because that was back in the day, like, if you're old, you just die.

At least that's what we thought. So I do understand that. But I was like, okay, look at how responsible fucking Bobby is, bro. Bobby was the wildest boy. And now this guy's a grown-ass responsible man. Yeah, man. I mean, they're great. They're really great over there.

I love Bobby. Bobby, I'll say this. He always comes through when you need him. Bobby comes through when you need him, man. Really? Has he been there for you? He has. Bobby comes through when you need him.

And it's fun, man. Look, we get to play in this world of, like, doing podcasts and, like, you know. This is absurd what we get to do. We get to talk to freaking legends. Legends. You know? Like, I mean, we get to talk to legends. Yeah.

You know? Like, I got to talk the other day, we had Bobby Kennedy Jr. on, right? But I'm just saying, like, we had a Kennedy on. You see the anti-vax guy? Yeah. He's a vax. He's a safe vax. Safe vax.

What is that, man? He just wants the vax to be tested for a decent amount of time and decent way before they give him to people. Which isn't really what... How reasonable, bro? I agree. Like, why we call him crazy, man? I agree, bro.

Yo, before you inject me with some crazy shit, can you, like, look at it a bit? Like that? Yeah, that's all these things. Dude, who's running the vaccination program? The USPS, bro? Yeah, the USPS. She's like, take this shit and fucking run with it. Do your best, fam.

Do your best, fam. And this guy's out there like, yo, can you just look in the ingredients? Can you look at the ingredients? Can I get a nutrition fax or whatever? Give me the back of a Snapple, bro. This fucking vax. Isn't that crazy? You get a vax and you don't even have the back of a Snapple, bro?

That's not... That is crazy, bro. It don't even show... Just show me the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just show me the back where it says it got this much sodium and this much sugar and this much added sugar. Where the riboflavans at, dude?

Just show me the back. How many riboflavans you got now? I think that's fair. I think that's very fair. Are you getting vax? I don't want to come out as an anti-vaxer, but I don't think... I would say no. Like, I don't think I need the vax and I would like to wait a year or two to make sure everything's

cool. I grew up in a community where they... When they had the vaccine for polio, they created it in my community in Louisiana. It gave cervical cancer to millions of women, millions of women in America. But the government had already made it. They'd already created and spent all the money to make so much of it that they had the... Because it also got rid of polio. But the cost was your pussy got to get taken out.

You know what I'm saying? I don't have a pussy, bro. Do you understand? I'm going to be honest with you, that sounds like a pussy problem. As a non-owner, they out there stealing Bugatti's. I look like a Bugatti. Y'all pussy, son. That's all right.

Bro, how great is Six-Nine? All he does, he walks into a fucking... He walks into a Johnson and Murphy at the airport. He's like, y'all pussy, son. Meek meal, y'all pussy. I love it. I get this right here, bro. That dude drops more inbombs than anybody have ever met.

The most. Dude, he's... Do you see that documentary about him? The Hulu one? Yeah. No, I haven't seen a Hulu one. It was so great because it just shows, yeah, all these rappers are afraid to kill anybody anymore because everybody's making money.

So now you can just rip them to shreds and there's no consequences. He found it out. He figured it out. And that's what I appreciate about him so much is that like... I don't like... How do I say this? If you made your wealth in blood money, I don't like you morally grandstanding. I'm okay if you make your money dirty, but don't tell me how to be good.

Right. You know what I'm saying? So it's like... It was a lot of rappers for a moment who their whole career bragged about horrible shit that they were doing. Like Benny Hinn. I don't know who that is. He's not a rapper, but like a speaker kind of, go on anyway, I said nothing.

Anyway, but you know what I'm saying, it's like if you talk about how much you killed people, sell drugs and do that other shit, and then you're also like, we need to take care of our communities. It's like, bro, I've been listening to three albums of you murdering your community, bro. Now if you want to make a change in your life, that's great. I'm with it. 100%. Awesome.

Like Noss. Boom. There you go. Did I get that right? Yeah, Noss. Yeah, thanks, man. Noss, we call it Noss. But like, if you want to tell us, look, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do, but

I could also go, man, shut your fucking ass up. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to send out an orange juice all of a sudden. If I start selling orange juice, it's going to seem like, come on, man. Yeah. You don't really know anything about this. 100%.

Especially if your whole life, you're like, you're totally against fruit. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't care if you get proper nutrition or fucking beverages or not. Yeah. Like, you rode so hard from New York and you like swore you would never leave New York, you know what I mean? And then like a pandemic came and then you moved to Miami.

Like that type of person would be a hypocrite. Yeah. A piece of shit, even. And I might not even ever listen to what a guy like that would say. Yeah. That would be fucking playground. Yeah. It would be super playground.

Super playground. It would be super playground. Like, what an asshole that guy would be. You know what I mean? Like, realistically. Yeah. Fucking scumbag. Especially if he was like, yo, anybody who leaves right in New York right now is a fucking

pussy. I'm never leaving and even posted a meme from the Wolf of Wall Street about how I'm not leaving. Like, if he did that type of thing. Let me see if I see anybody like that in here, bro. Nah, bro, I'm Hippocrates, man, I tell you. Dude, I like it. Hey, you got, there's no, that's the thing about also about all of this.

I think the listeners all recognize in the end, it's all just people. You're just trying your best. You're talking so much. You fucking gotta hit. You gotta come against your own table. This idea that like we got to be locked into the way we feel for the rest of our life. Like, nah, bro, you, you, I'm gonna hit you. We're all Hippocrates.

We're all Hippocrates. If you say you're not a Hippocrate, you're a fucking Hippocrate. I want to let you know that the new be good to yourself hoodies are sold out, but they'll be back in stock soon. The original be good to yourself. Hoody is back in stock now and summertime designs are coming soon. That's right. Go to Theo Vaughn.com slash store.

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Yes. He used to work at the Bed Bath and Beyond. You had a Bed Bath and Beyond? Yeah. It's a pretty bougie store. Yeah. It was in Slot L, which was like the town near us, but we used to go camp out at the mall. We would go there, go to the mall, and then camp in a tent outside and go back in the

next day. Why? Yeah. Just to be at the mall, man. The mall was sick. The mall was good. Did you enjoy your childhood? I think I did in hindsight.

It was just scary. I felt like it was scary because it was like a lot of dangerous, kind of whites and dangerous blacks. I felt like I was also real scared. So I think I was scared of everything, you know? But I was also like, you know, and I could do anything I wanted. There was nobody keeping, you know, like, you know, I was supposed to drink milk and I could be alive for like 15 years.

That was kind of the guidance, you know? No one took care of you. Yeah. There was just no like, like everything was like, yeah, it was just kind of like nobody ever checked in to see what was going on. It was just like, it was like somebody started me at the top of a hill. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I may check in with you sometime, but in hindsight, it was fun, you know? Yeah. But we lived in a fun area, man. We lived in a fun area. You speak about it a lot and I think in a way that's, I don't know, loving and like cherished, but the stories can often be traumatizing, but I don't know, it seems like you're kind of happy with them.

Yeah. I think for a long time I wasn't because I think they were traumatizing. And then you've kind of dealt with them and accepted them. Yeah. I just think as I grow older, I realize that, well, also we need good stories. There's not a lot of people out there telling stories anymore. It's almost like in Hollywood, everything gets so like chopped down, I feel like a lot of times that they don't let you tell the good story or even the true story.

Like you can't tell a story like, and you can't tell a story, a lot of even true stories about like race and stuff sometimes because they act like sometimes as a white person, if you say the word black or if you say it, or if you say something about like, like two of my best black friends got killed by other black guys, right? Yeah. So I don't like, that shit makes me mad, right? When I see a lot of stuff like first 48 and those type of shows where there's a lot of black on black crime and you see, there's white people making money off the show.

I'm sure whoever you follow, the makers of the show, it's going to get a little fucking money. It's not going back into the community. Yeah. It's not, right? Right. Right. Yeah.

Let's just say Memphis. Okay. I think Memphis needs it. Yeah. They're just going, I hope someone gets murdered in this 48 hour period because that's what the show is. There's a producer of that show that is going to work every week going, I hope someone gets murdered.

Jesus Christ. That's a tough way to make money. Oh damn, it's Easter. Fuck. It's always slow around this time of year. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Dude.

Groundhog's Day. We're going to have another three weeks of winter or whatever. Yeah. But I just have like, I feel like sometimes it's like, if I say that, man, I feel like sometimes it's just, it scares me how much black and black crime there is that people think that I'm against like, like I want black people to live in prosper. I don't, it's not like I'm like, then think it's a, like that black people are bad. Does that make any sense?

Yeah. Yeah. I think that the tricky thing with that is just like all crime is usually committed within the same race because most people just live around their race. Right. So I think the term to a lot of people is like, well, black and black crime is white and white crime. They're murdering white people.

Like all these serial killers often are just murdering white chicks. Like you watch any of these documentaries, just a white dude murdering white chicks. It's not white and white crime. And that's easy too. Let's be honest. Dude, it was so easy to murder people. Where's the white dude murdering black chicks, bro? Dude, that?

Yeah. That right there? That right there is like. That would be hard to do. Fucking Tuskegee Airmen. Yeah. Yeah. What is that?

You need like a science experiment. Yeah. You need a plane. You're gonna need a plane. All these serial killers are pussy, bro. You're just going after white chicks. Go to the hood, Richard Ramirez. Pussy ass motherfucker.

Yeah. That's true. These black chicks are fighting back and snuffing them. Bro, I couldn't. Come on the cops. I got him. I got him. We got him.

They had this black girl in my class growing up. I could not breathe deep without this chick seeing me from across the fucking class. Like she just always had a bead on whatever I was doing. I think she thought I could maybe, you know, just end up being a crazy person or something. So I just, anytime I even like would be like, I fucking noticed you were fucking, yes, yes. We not shooting at the school today, Dio. No. No.

No. Maybe black on black because maybe you just seem more, I mean, maybe it's because there's shows like that, you know. I don't know. I mean, there's, there's no doubt that there's black on black, I don't think anybody denies that. Right. But what I hate is, or maybe it's, and it could all be in my head, but it's like, if

I say that, I feel Sonon's like, oh, then people think I'm against black people. It's like, no, no, no, no, I don't think that I want black people. Yeah. I want, I just want everybody. Yeah. I don't know that there's a disproportionate amount of crime in that community and you just want that to stop. Right.

Yeah. It just like bums me out. And it seems almost like there's way more news or media attention to when like the police do something to a black person than when black people are affected within their own community. It just seems that way. Yeah. The media is selling the sexiest story.

Like right now, stop Asian hate is the story. And a few years ago, it was anti-Muslim violence was the story, right? So anything happened to a Muslim, that was the. Or slims. We call them slims. Slims. You know what I mean? Raleigh, you get a lot of Asian hate wherever you're from.

You get it? I don't. And we got a real Asian right here. And what do you say about it? If somebody throws something at you, that's hate, right? Yeah. What they throw at you? No.

I'm just saying if I'm trying to see what is Asian hate, I know it's shootings. That's easy. Yeah, man. It's tricky with the Asian hate, though, because the tough thing about Asians is like, they're like Asians that are here way longer than maybe either of us. Yeah. They've just been here forever. But because they look Asian, I think there are certain Americans that just don't see

them as American, you know, just for whatever reason, like, I think the idea of America for a lot of people is white and black, even non-racist people. They're just like white and black people. That's what makes up Americans. Right. And everybody else just kind of got to like pick an identity or side. So if you're Asian or if you're like Indian or you're, what's another one? I don't know.

Some other one. Right. You just got to go, how am I going to act? Am I going to act kind of like culturally white or am I going to act culturally black? Oh, that's true. Well, I think, but, and also some of it is just because those are our two kind of leading vibes in the country. Yeah.

And they're the most, they're the most prevalent and they've been here the longest, right? So everybody kind of try to fit. I'm sure if we moved. If I moved to China, I start, look, by day four, boom, I get, I will get a little bit Chinese. Little Asian. Yes. I'll start to kind of, yeah, I'll do just little things that I see them do.

I start to do it. A little bit. Yeah. I start to do it. I move quickly. Take a shit on the sidewalk. Yeah. Dude, I'll do whatever.

Just take a shit on the sidewalk. It doesn't get out into the air, but they'll do that kind of stuff, bro. The Chinese dog, let's, let's be honest about the Chinese. Like that's one thing I don't like sometimes. It's like America. We have to make every moment in America acceptable for everyone in some magical fucking way. Yeah. Bro, you go to fucking, dude, I went to a bar.

I went to China. They don't give a, bro. You die in China. They make a fucking soup out of you. They feed the fucking people are hungry, bro. They cruise. Shit moves on dog. Shit.

I mean, and they'll do that in an eight minute set, bro. And that's just how they, they know it's not like life doesn't, I'm not saying it's their lives aren't as important as anybody else, but life doesn't, the way we feel about life doesn't me. It's not the same. We're individuals and important. Yes. And everybody should care about us.

And there the community is more important. Yes. And the individual is not as valued and the individual serves the community. I think the idea of the mask is not, you're going to get me sick. The idea of the mask is I'm sick. I might get you sick and I don't want to be a burden on my community. That's the Asian idea of the mask, which is pretty lit when you think about it. But of course, when we see agents with masks like five years ago, like or three years or

before Corona, we're just like, Michael Jackson fan, Michael Jackson fan, or we're just like, what are you trying to say? Our air's dirty. Right. You know, what are you trying to say? We got, we got disease. We saw it as an insult instead of them being considerate. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And that's part of it. Just the vibe in America is like, I can do whatever it's about me and we've had so much freedom. Yeah. We've had so we have extra freedom. Freedom is lit if you know what freedom is. But if you never have freedom, you don't care.

Right. You know what I'm saying? Right. Oh yeah. Like you don't know what you're missing. Exactly. Like I'm sure there's guys that do some like crazy sex move or whatever like that, right? And like once they know what it is, they love it.

Their girl loves it. Right. I don't know what that is. I don't know that. So I don't know what the fuck I'm missing out. So I'm good. Yeah. And I think that's what we think people in China are like, don't you miss this freedom?

You got to do whatever the government tells you. And they're like, we never had freedom. Yeah. This is all we know and everybody around us gets the same shit. So it's fine. Yeah. And it works. It works.

And I'm wondering, start to wonder if maybe we're getting to the part of capitalism where things don't really work as cool as it wants to think about that sometimes. Yeah. And I wonder if like capitalism is just like your teenage years, right? And then like, like, because America's young, like that's what people got to realize. This is a good podcast, man. Let's realize that. This is fun.

This is fun. But like America's so young, bro. Like Europeans, I think a lot of times they like judge us, right? And Europeans, I think they got all the history, they got all the ships. But I'm saying like, that's why I say, I'm like, guys, one, we don't care because nobody cares about y'all. But at the same time, like you had thousands of years to develop your culture in ways. Right.

We're figuring it out. We just got money. All of us. Yeah. We're poor. Everybody came from poverty. Like, yeah, my dad probably came for a little money, but if you go to his dad or his dad, poor.

My mom, poor. Right. Everybody in America is a few generations or 99% of people are a few generations away from dirt poor. So we got some money. So we're going to spend the money. We flexing right now. You see what the Slims are doing out there in the Middle East, right?

Mollye, Perka. Yeah. Yeah. They're building islands out of sand. They look like fucking palm trees. Oh, they're building sand pussies out of sand. Sand pussies. Sounds like a dish that somebody would say.

A bunch of sand pussies out there. Yeah, they're not. But you know, so like. But they're making them. Yeah. They're building snow out of fucking sand. That's crazy what they're doing. Out of sand.

Yeah. What they're doing. They're making cold sand. Cold sand. They figured it out. But you're right. It's like, yeah, we're in this teenage years, but I wonder how does this shit end. Like goes to social is I don't even like saying it because it sounds like some like Bernie

shit or whatever. Like, oh, we got to give everybody money, blah, blah, blah. But I think what happens is it becomes like Europe is a thousand years ahead of us. Right. And I think they're like, OK, in order for us not to have this crazy division and in order for us not to be killing everybody in order for us not to everybody hate each other, we kind of need to spread the wealth in a way and provide health care in a way where everybody has a decent opportunity at success in this country.

That's I think that's what it eventually gravitates to because there's a reason every fucking country in Europe has the kind of similar socialist system and every country in Europe is a few thousand years old. So I assume we don't have to force it now, but I assume we will slowly gravitate towards that. And we kind of are already when you think about it. But a lot of that is also rich people just hiding behind the government to make poor people feel OK.

Yeah. Which is also OK. Yeah. I don't I don't know exactly. I don't know the long term effects of that, though. Rich people hiding behind the government to make poor people feel OK. What does that mean again? I don't know.

Is that socialism? I don't know exactly what socialism is. It's just tax a little bit more and like giving poor people a little bit more so they're not struggling. Right. Right. Right. And I think we're in a, yeah, like, and I think there's also going to be some disconnect

at certain points letting poor people struggle here because I think on the back of our heads we're like, yo, we need more 30 for 30s to be honest with you, yo, Europe got the trash is 30 for 30s, bro. They should have had way better ones. But they don't. They're 30 for 30s. It was like Christopher Columbus. Yeah.

33 was like their 30 for 30s was like Joan of Arc. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you go back a thousand years, bro, they're 30 for 30s were lit. Louis the fucking. Thirteen. Whatever. Fourteenth, baby, 13, dude, 13 had asthma and they killed him for it.

Get out of here, bro. Do what it does. You gotta show up. Run up that hill. You better show up with both bags working, baby. You can't throw a fucking one bag in a dog. They took that dude's life. You took him out?

Yeah. What was he doing? It was so strenuous. Who knows? He was a king. That's the best job to have asthma. Yo, why don't you get me that? Yeah.

Yeah. Really? With that head. No, dude, you gotta fucking be able to finish the line, son. You gotta finish the line. Yeah, dog. You gotta be able to finish it. Off of the head.

That's right. One breath. Oh, yeah. A single breath, bro. Yeah. Yeah. We don't want. Yeah.

Get out of here, bro. Yeah. That was it, dog. Dude, we should have a castle, bro. That was a fire-ass 30 for 30 from back in the day. We should have a castle. I think we got some castles. Yeah, that's true.

But, yo, once we got here, we were like, yo, castles are to build like fucking stone. I think that's what America really broke away from Europe to do, just build shit out of wood. Yeah. Yeah. That's not a bad thought. Because that's stone shit. It looks cool, but it's heavy, dog.

It's heavy, but then think about the manliness back then, you know, we soft now. People got PVC pipe. It used to be used to have to fill your mouth up and fucking put it in your next buddy's mouth. You know what I'm saying? Old school plumbing, bro. You know what I'm talking about? Some of us still out here kicking it old school, bro.

Whatever, dude. Some of us still out here. Left your city. You know what I'm saying? You left your city, bro. I leave my traditions. You know what I'm saying? I brought them down to my end.

Respect, man. Respect. Let's pull out one more question, man. Before we let this beautiful fella get off the hook, man, what else we got here? Fuck, I don't even know this guy's name, man. Raleigh Mal. Here comes a young fella right here. What up, Theo?

What up, Schultzie? I just got a quick question for you. You both are new to UFC and want to see which one of y'all superstars would win if y'all did a tag team match. Theo and Dustin or Schultzie and Israel? Let me know. Ooh. Baby season.

I'll beat that baby's ass. I'll say this, dude. And no offense, man. Beautiful child, bro. Dude. I'll tell you this. Nobody picks being friends with better UFC fighters than you and me. No, that's a fact, bro.

You and me, baby. We can spot talent, bro. Let's go. Okay. Yo, he can really spot talent. They loved fighters, dude, of all the fucking guys out there who looked like they'd been attacked by fucking dogs. And we picked some fucking kings.

That's a great-ass point, man. That's a good point, man. Yeah, I don't know that one. I mean, it's tough. That one's tough, man, because Theo's got his superpowers, bro. If you go full rat king, it might be a short day of work. You know what I mean? We got rabies, baby.

You might do something. I just don't know how to combat that at all. So you might take me out, but then Izzy might have an advantage over Dustin just because of the size. So it's tricky, bro. It's a really tricky one, man. Yeah, I think when you get into those type of guys and the size is big, I mean, look at Izzy vs. Blockovich, you know?

The size, just when you don't think about the fact of somebody with 10 pounds laying on you. It's a lot of extra weight. On their feet, the fight was even, but the second he got them down is just nothing he could do. And there's nothing you can do. And it's like, that's why they have the weight divisions there, you know? But Kudos to, I mean, look-

That's where in boxing, you can get away with weight division stuff a little bit more, because you can be tactical. You don't got to hurt the guy. You might not be able to hurt the guy in a higher weight class, but you can out-box him. But when it comes to MMA, the weight, when you're laying on top of someone, there's only so much you could just lift off of you, you know? And especially when it gets strategic, like, you know, when people are strategically placing their weight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's big, man. And especially if you're new to having that weight, you know? Yeah. But, um... What do you think about Dustin fighting Connor again? It looks like that's going to happen. Yeah.

It does look like it's going to happen. I think it's a smart fight for Dustin, man. I mean, obviously, you know, it's a smart fight for him. I hope that the fight happens. That's what I start to worry. I start to, uh... I mean, Dustin just worked so hard. He just deserves to have the rewards that he wants.

And I think he's starting to kind of, like... It's interesting, once you get to certain points in your career, you start to see some rewards- What matters? What matters? And also, what some rewards matter to you at certain times. I think I know where you're going with this, but go, go, go. You know, I think sometimes you're like, okay, like when you're younger, you know?

I need the belt. I need the belt. I need the belt. I want the trophy. I deserve to be recognized. We want recognition. And then once, I think you also get enough recognition and you get to a point where you see, okay, I also want to be rewarded and be able to take care of myself and my family.

And so I think it's, um... And in the end, you start to realize everything's kind of a business. It's also... It's kind of the... We get romance by that belt, bro. And I've always been... I'm gonna help us romantic, you know, always. It's one thing I never liked about sometimes about like going to Hollywood is you see behind

the curtain. Like I loved in the heat of the night because it was like... It was a TV show about like this community and it was real to me, man. And Carol O'Connor was like the sheriff and he like cared about the... He cared about the convicts and about, and there was like race stuff going on, but everybody was trying their best. It's like, it felt like a... but then you get there and I drive across my neighborhood and Carol O'Connor's fucking buried right there and his son apparently was doing hair

when down the street. It's just like, you know what I'm saying? The curtain goes away and you start to see that things, a lot of things that we've built, even the magic of things is a business. So I think in some of you just keep the magic alive for yourself, you have to keep that alive in your heart. And I start to then wonder who could keep that magic alive in their heart better at this point in their careers out of Dustin and Connor.

And I believe that Dustin can do it better because Connor, I mean, dude, you got to think, fuck, I got to get up and fucking sell liquor in it in two hours. I think he's done. I don't know if he fights again. I think that would be the only inhibitor to a third fight is Connor willing to do it. Because I don't know. I mean, Dustin, I thought beat him pretty easy. I thought it was pretty easy.

And I think that it's an easy fight for Dustin again. And I don't think I don't know I and listen, I don't think Connor has carried his power through the higher weight divisions. Like when he was at 145, it was lights out. Then 155, it was like, I need to hit you a few times like, Hey, man, we shut the lights out. Would you do me a favor? I'll wiggle a little bit and then then I'll go once it's more that weird dimmer switch

thing. You're like, how do you get this thing? It goes all the way. How do you get this to go off? So I but I again, like you said, like he's he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. The only reason he would do it, I think would be for more money and yeah, go get your money. I want these guys to make all the fucking money. I'm just happy that it looks as if I don't know him, but it looks as if Dustin went,

what is that belt really mean? Like does the belt define me as a human being? No, it's like a cool trinket to have in my career. But you know, it'd be really cool if I was defined by like being able to take care of generations of my family by doing this mega fight and making tens of millions of dollars. That would be a cool way to be defined by going like the pouries that are my kids and their kids and their kids are all going to nice private schools and our community is going to be helped out and his foundation is like that is way better than a belt.

Now he could be Connor, then go fight the winner of the title fight that is like Chandler versus Ola Vera. I think they're funny. Yeah. And then he gets the belt. Awesome. But secure the bag. Yeah.

Like secure the fucking bag. Get the bag. I hope that. That is what I want. All these guys to make all this a brutal way to make a living. Yeah. I want you all to make all the fucking money. That's what I think too.

And I bet honestly a little bit, I bet it was a little bit of a tough decision for Dustin. Because he still wants that hardware, right? Him and Tony Ferguson were going to fight and they didn't reward the, it just wasn't, they didn't feel like they got, were being rewarded fair. Like he tries to, you know, he tries to be as fair and treat people as fair, you know? So I bet it was a little fucking tough for him. But yeah, but I think as you get further along, look dude, yeah, like you said, just let them fight for the belt though.

I agree. Just let them fight for the fucking belt Dana. Like who cares? I agree. You make it a title fight. And that was Cowboy Stadium. Like who cares? It's the first event that we get to see live like, yeah, I don't know why they didn't do

that. Look, but you're right though. The plurias will be the richies. And that's what fucking, as old as you get, you start to realize it's not about being rich, but it's about being able to fucking like provide, being able to provide for yourself and your family is a very comforting feeling because as you get older, your families have issues like your fucking parents are to get old, they need help. You know what I mean?

Your brothers, your cousins, they need assistance in their life. They go to fucking jail. You know, they have some sort of like mental issues, whatever. Like you need some disposable income so you could fucking help these people out. Yeah. And unfortunately, Dustin, God, you're the one, like sometimes God puts it on you for the family. Yeah.

So that's another thing we have to realize. Like, you know, and it's a blessing and a curse, you're like, oh, shit, you know, I'm the one that's going to have to finish college. I'm the one that's going to have to do this or, you know, we're, you know, um, we're going to have to do this. But yeah, man, it's, it's awesome to see, man. Both those fighters are awesome to see. They're both totally different.

Is he in Dustin? But they're both uniquely, I think, beloved by people. Yeah. Great personalities. Just great fun. You know, I'm looking forward to Izzy coming back to middleweight because I just think he's going to, I think these middleweights now are going to have this like renewed confidence because they saw him struggle for the first time.

And I think that the audience actually needs to believe that he's beatable. Because the fights we're going to get uninteresting because he was so dominant. Yeah. I think they need to go, oh, he, they might have his number now or try to wrestle him now. And then he comes out there. He just fucking destroys them all. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, yeah. It's, yeah. Watching him is just, it's, it's insane. Hymvers, Darren Till is going to be, if they do that, just on social media is going to be so much fun. I just got my first stripe the other day at Jiu-Jitsu. Oh, are you doing Jiu-Jitsu?

Yeah. I got two, I think I have two cracked ribs, like two cracked ribs right now, which is one of the reasons I haven't been able to go, but, uh, this week, but I just got my first stripe. And you enjoy the exercise. Yeah. It's really fun. Everybody who tries it loves it.

Yeah. I like it. It's just, it's tough on your body. It's a little bit tough. Really? Yeah. They've been having, I've fought women. I've fought a guy who is legally blind last.

Really? They got me fighting in the real, you know, it's not even a weight class, you know, it's almost like an emotional wellness group. You know, like, I'm like, what weight class I'm in, they're like, Jiu-Jitsu, bro. Yeah. I'm like, what weight class? I'm like, you're over there behind the water fountain. Okay.

So it's a unique group, man, but dang dude, I get to come down to Miami and be in y'all's pod, bro. Tell me when you're coming down. So I'll put it in. I promise I'll come down. I'll come down. Uh, let's do, I think maybe first week of May. Done.

Done. First week of May, I'll come down. Okay. Any questions for this gentleman? Uh, I do not. Thanks, Raleigh. I appreciate it, man. Bro, I'm telling you, Asia Kids now, bro, it's a whole different ball game.

I know everything, right? We get it. No, no, it's not, dude. Unbelievable. What happened the other day you didn't know, Raleigh? What was it on that episode? Um, you don't remember. I don't remember.

It's all good. Imagine an Asian person saying they don't remember. Yeah, I know. When is that happening? It's bad. That's another thing we have, here's the thing that happens in America. People come from another country. Okay?

They're like, we all better, we're gonna force these kids to learn Spanish so we can communicate with these newcomers. The second generation of newcomers knows no fucking Spanish. They get American real quick. We flip people real quick, dude. Not all. We flip people real quick. Real quick, son.

One generation you American now. You guys are bad friends. You want some, let's go. I think we're good, you. Upgrade. Hey, can we both do it at the same time? Let's do it. All right.

One, two, three. We're bad friends. Okay, there we go. Dude, Andrew Schultz, man, congratulations on all your success, man. Thank you, brother. Yeah, you're an inspiration to a lot of us, man, and I'm just really grateful that you came in today, man. Thank you for having me, man.

I love you, bro. It's fucking fun. You know what, man? When I watch you all say this, this is one thing that I do get. I feel like I'm having fun. And that's awesome. All right. That makes me feel good.

That makes me feel good. We just try to have fun out here, man. I appreciate you, man. You know I love you. Gang, bro. Let's get it. Peace. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves, I must

be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that part. That's exactly what I'm describing. That's exactly what I'm describing. Hey, even if you can't survive, you'll have to go out in groups. I waited extremely long to be free fromuled efforts like you, and I think you just have

And I've been moving way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of my past And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're worn so thin that they're damn they're gone Look now they just weren't built to last