This Past Weekend - E334 Bumpers Off

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

Theo talks about moving into his new pad in the Central East, Bhad Bhabie starting an OnlyFans account, a Taco Eating Contest turned tragic and how everybody's pilled up on something these days.   New Merch: theovonstore.com​   Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to [e-mail].   This episode is brought to you by: Keeps: https://keeps.com/theo and receive your first month of treatment freeBlueChew: https://bluechew.com and use promo code THEO to get your first order free Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO for free shippingLiquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com    Music:Robert Randolph and the Family Band "Baptise Me"https://youtube.com/watch?v=bdhbxh4bQtw   Hit the Hotline[phone]   Video Hotline for TheoUpload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline   Find Theo:Website: https://theovon.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/theovonFacebook: https://facebook.com/theovonFacebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekendTwitter: https://twitter.com/theovonYouTube: https://youtube.com/theovonClips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   Producer: Nick Davishttps://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Duganhttps://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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How you guys doing out there? Out there probably been sniffing your daddy's gasket. I know it. And you've been out there crumbling around on your grandmother's freaking skirt. Praise God, baby. Good to be here with you. I am,

um, what am I doing? I am, well, I'll tell you a damn branch fell in my yard. A damn branch, man. Uh, uh, you know, you know, one of mother nature's damn knuckles, bro.

That bitch just fell in my yard, man. It just, I mean, a branch is basically, it's like a tree just taking a shit in your yard. Let's be honest, you know? And so that thing hit, you know, it hit down in the yard and the man came and, uh,

you know, the branch man up there from Richard's branch company or something, Richards forest or deforestry or something. I don't know what they were doing. Some kind of, I mean, it's probably, you know, people using drugs and trying to get better and but working with branches in the meantime and stuff.

But, um, the man came and he said $1,100 to get the branch out of the yard. And that shook me a little, you know, that really twisted my dick, man. Honestly, you know, it felt like somebody just wrapped my nuts around my dick because 1,100, that's a, you know, dude, I had a fellow in my old building

offered to kill someone that we both knew that we didn't, you know, I guess think should be alive. He offered to kill him for a thousand. So you telling me, Richards, that I can get a brand, a man, a human removed from the earth for a thousand. But 1,100 out here on this dead wood.

So I'll tell you what I did. I'll tell you exactly what I did. I got me a Fiskars saw. I brought it. I got me that Fiskars 18 inch right there with that antelope front, you know, that anteater, that gripper baby. And as he's telling me, as he's telling me 11,

I'm cutting that bastard off and throwing chunks over the fence. There goes $200 worth right there. Now we down to 900 Richards. And he's still rattling on about the price and insure. He had said, well, we got to have our guys insured. I said, bitch, put on some cleats. You know what I'm saying?

Protect your ankles, daddy. And I saw it off another chunk and threw that bastard over the fence. Now two-fifths of it's gone, Richards. We're down to damn $700, $800 worth of branch left, according to you. So you just got to be careful, they'll gouge you. They will gouge you.

Here we go, Robert Randolph and the family band. Bat ties, meat. Dirty water, red clay mugs, I need redemption. Save from the flood, it'll be everlasting. Keep them all alive, I'm barefoot and waiting. I'm lost in the blood, y'all, I'm begging you, please. Bat ties, meat. I'm begging you, please.

Bat ties, meat. Dip me in the water, baby. At the turn, never seen it coming. Lugging at me that way, now all my blues. Seen brighter days, tellin' Bobby Randy. I'm a son of a preacher, man. A small tally shake. I never learned the devil's song.

What else can I say? I ain't got no money, no. Bat ties, meat. Bat ties, meat, baby boy. I know it. I'm got no money, bat ties, meat. And there you go with the awkward fade out per usual. And you know that, that's how I do that.

Oh, I'm begging you, please, baptize me. And that's Robert Randolph in the family band. Man, I remember seeing him at a hotel somewhere. And was it Atlanta, maybe? Or somewhere. I just remember seeing him at a hotel. And man, I was just fired up. I saw him in the lobby, he wouldn't remember, this was a decade ago.

You know, back when I was young and my chunk was thick back then. And my body was strong. But baptize me, that's what they say, dip me in the water. Take me to the river. Put me in the water. And we back from Easter. You know what I'm saying, all these eggs have been hunted. And it's springtime is in the air.

And you'll see it a lot of ladies be flashing that bottom. Trying to get sprayed in, trying to get affection. And it's that time of year. Trying that mother nature built in a time where the sponk starts to fly, baby, you know it. Where the titties starts to perk. Mother nature built that time into the clock. It's pretty fascinating.

But happy belated Easter to everyone. You know, Jesus is back. Hide and go seek, I'll tell you this. Hide and go seek champion, brother. Jesus Christ. You know what I'm saying? That Mexican American bad boy. Jesus Christ.

I mean, the fact that they couldn't find him for a couple of days. He's dead, he's not dead, he's back, he's ghosting. And now all these bitches want him to be honest with you. Praise God. I hope you had a nice Easter, man. I went to Louisiana, spent time with my family. What did we do? We did a crawfish boil down there.

And the crawfish boil, everybody comes out. People come out, whether they've been hiding for the winter, whatever. You know, your cousin, Lou Andrew, come out, he got a new mole on his face. Say he's talking to a girl or something, he ain't talking to no girl. Everybody knows that shit. You know, your friend come out, he's handicapped, your brother buddy come out, he was in a fire. Maybe Big Tiffany was in a fire, she got burnt out, you know. And she got some salve on her back or something.

But yeah, happy Easter, man. Baptize me. That's what he's saying, Robert Randolph, baptize me. Put me in the water, act me to the real world. You know, it's fascinating about baptizing, it's just getting that wash, you know. That's the freaking Lord's car wash right there. And they dip you through that plane of water and air. It's really fascinating because you could take a fish in one hand,

and you could take a bird, an air bird in the other. And you could switch them at the same time, put one under water, one out of the water. And they both can't handle. They can't handle that smoke, baby, on the lungs. It's just interesting what a line of pressure, what a horizon of existence that plane is between water and air. It's pretty fascinating. And we used to be in water when you're born, when you're an infantile, a baby,

you're in your mother's body, you in there, about you. You back stroking in that vage gravy dog. You back stroking in the Lord's butternut squash, baby. You know what I'm saying? You're in there. You in that hot tub, baby, up in the Mavericks. You hot tub. And you breathe in water.

You breathe in liquid. Let me look it up to make sure because I don't want to lie to you. Do we breathe liquid when we are, baby? Do we breathe liquid when we are, baby? The mother's placenta helps the baby breathe while it is growing in the womb. Oxygen and carbon dioxide flow through the blood in the placenta. Most of it goes to the heart and flows through the baby's body. At birth, the baby's lungs are filled with fluid.

Whoo! It's just wild how that baptism, that dip, they're really, they're almost taking you back to whenever you were made, when you were, you know, before you were aftermarket, before the devil got to you, and before you were aftermarket, and before you got, you know, when they baptize you, they're almost just dipping you in that water. Just saying, hey, remember this?

Remember when the Lord had you all fished out when you was gilled out? It's interesting, man. I think it's interesting what the hell do I know. But you had a good time, man. I slept in a child's bed, you know, with no child in there, because you know I'm happy to not be a pedophile or to be doing anything like that. And I want to thank God right now that I'm not a pedophile, man, because it just seems unrewarding.

It just seems, it just seems like there's no, you know, it's the one sport you can't really tell anybody you play if you do it. And it's a, I miss the devil's backgammon. And I'm glad I'm not doing it today, or ever, ever. Also, I want to say that. I want to say ever as well, and I'm going to say it loud. What's going on? Oh, I'm in a new studio.

I didn't think about that. Here I am. Got a new fake plant. Dude, I'll tell you this. A fake plant costs $119. $119 for this fucking front yard to pay right here, baby boy. $119 for this fucking chlorophyll skin graft, dog. $119 for this fireman, baby, to fit his bullshit.

That's fascinating. That's the market we need to be in the fake plant market. You know, when I was young, we grew up next to a place where they was doing, what is it called? Not projectiles, but what's it called when you need something to reach something? But you don't have it. Something happened. Fire hatchet.

You know, accident. Something like a prosthetic. We grew up over near a prosthetic place and sometimes we'd go in there after hours and the men would be in there and they would hold it and they'd get you a beer or something if you wanted. If you was of age, they kind of had the arm and the leg kind of where you could use it to have some beer for the adults. Yeah, and early prosthetics, man, them bitches was really, it was bottom shelf.

You know, some were rubber, I remember. Some of them have like a little thing, you could hide a cigarette or something. It's just like shit that was kind of vague, you know. But we grew up not far from a place that did that. What was I talking about? I don't even know. But yeah, I got that fisk or 18 inch blade and that's what I used to solve my problem right now in my own yard.

But yeah, being a homeowner is really jarring. You know, I'm out here in the central east and I got a locale now and it is, it's just like every time I leave, it's like, do I leave the lights on? What's on? Is the oven on? Is the garbage disposal on? Is the porch light on? Is the back porch light on?

You know, there's just so many little things to think about. And before I never had a, I would leave the house with everything on garbage disposal, lights, thermostat, everything, fucking cut it all on, you know. Let this bitch vibrate while I'm out. Let it shake a little. But now it's like everything's just like, okay. I guess everything's fine. So it's just a tricky time, man.

I want to thank Liquid Death for supporting us. They're a beautiful supporter. And it's good water. If you like canned water from the mountains, you will enjoy it. And if you want to die, die wet. I say it's the only way to do it. I was thinking about water. And that song had me thinking about it.

That baptized me by Robert Randolph. Had me really thinking about that water, that Agua baby, that Spanish water. And there's some shades right here. I'm gonna throw these bastards back on. You know, I was thinking that, you know, water was one of God's apps originally. You know, people are shocked that God has some good apps when you think about it. Water, fire, gravity, smoke, wolves. What else?

Maybe lightning, maybe? I guess. I mean, lightning's good, but yeah, lightning and... That's probably one of the top four, seven. And the thing is, is that those are the original apps. People nowadays think, oh, I got this. I got GoPuff. I got, you know, Big Girl or whatever some of the apps are.

Bitch, that's nothing. Because, I mean, God had those apps, baby. Fire, water. Dude, he pressed that water button. Atlantis, dawg. You know what I'm saying? The bus stop was suddenly freaking 400 feet underwater. You know, he pressed the fire button and bam, son, San Bernardino was born.

You know, it's just, we gotta think about the power. Mother Nature really has the ultimate apps. Even though we get caught up in our own, we start to get further and further from nature. You know, I get further and further. It's kind of remarkable because I'll see a drone and I'll be fascinated. But I'll see one of those fat bumblebees, one of those freaking lemony thickets, you know. And I won't think, I won't be like, oh, whatever. You know, I'm kind of scared or I'm not scared.

I can't really decide. Wasps, I know I'm scared. Fat bumblebees, like, by the time I decide if I'm scared or not, I've kind of left wherever it was at. And they didn't have them. When I was young, they didn't have those fat bumblebees. These bitches are new. They're from Mexico or somewhere where, you know, there's been a lot of income and traffic, you feel me. So that's a new thing, man.

But it's just funny that I'll see a drone and be fascinated, but I'll see a bumblebee and be like, ah. And it's like, damn, that thing's working without batteries, baby boy. That's, you know, that's the Lord's drone right there. So that's a lot of what's going on. What else? I want to let you know that I got a tour. I'm going to do a new tour at the end of, not the end, but a little bit later in this year. I don't really know what to name it yet, but I'll be thinking about it. If you have suggestions for a name, as always, you could hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.

Also let you know that gang gang, the slides are back in stock. Those footy fashion pieces, baby. And to be good to yourself, hoodies are back in stock as well. So a lot of nice stuff going on. What else? Let's hit a little bit of news here. Bad baby join only fans and if she's the cash me outside girl. And she definitely, you could tell she's probably been banging a lot of brothers and that's, let's be honest, dude. You know, you ain't getting near her unless you really, that cafe de calor with a little necktack fan.

You feel me? Like I bet an ankle brace it makes, you know, really makes her feel erect probably. And I can say that she's not a child anymore. Also, is this, is this a crime? But anyway, she's on only fans now. And they said she made a ton of money on only fans, the most ever, like a million dollars. Let me read it actually. She turned 18 and made $1 million in six hours.

Pretty crazy. You know, what scares me about apps is that just how they can quickly share whatever information and just the freedoms we allow them to have. You know, when I was growing up and I was a child. If you say you bought something from somewhere. You know, you bought your little Don at a little creller from the bakery. And they'd have a big lady working over there. Look, if it wasn't, if it wasn't a big lady working at the bakery. I'm leaving.

Okay. Okay, boss. I ain't buying a fucking Don it from some little, you know, some skinny little biscuit, you know. Some little, uh, pure lean, you know, or whatever those are called a skinny sweet sticks, pure lean. And sometime I'll be honest, somebody break out a thing of pure lean. They price a gay man. That's factual, man, but in no shade, bro. But what I'm trying to say is, um, the bay. Oh, if I, if I, you want a fat, you want a thicky, thicky, thick, you know, you want that.

You won't, you know, you won't captain, thick, a potamus working at the bakery. You want a dude who's putting butter on his own arm and about to fucking slice it up and eat it. You know, you want that big Batch who's in there just frosting up them front tats, bro. You want somebody thick at a bakery. Because you know, it's going to be good. But what I'm saying is in the old days, if you walked into a bakery, you bought something. They didn't run out the back door of the bakery and tell everybody what you bought. There wasn't somebody running out the back door saying, oh, you know, Theo loves a chocolate rum raisin donut holes.

So then now for the rest of your life, you have some chocolate rum, rum, rum raisin hit man looming around at every turn. Because that's what it's like now you get on any app, you buy something for the rest of your life. They haunt you with the shit. You want a six, you want a six, bro. You'll be getting your mama damn casket. And you'll be like, damn, nothing go with that casket like some dark ass a six. You want these wood grain a six like, bitch, I don't want any a six. That was years ago.

But you know, so you didn't have that back in the day, but now you buy anything you have it. And so it's a little alarming to me in the sense of an 18 year old gets on to the sex world and selling sexuality, selling that kind of stuff. It's not wrong. And everybody's opinion is valid. But what worries me is then whoever buys it is going to be getting baited throughout the rest of their life with that dirty bait. That young bait, that cusp bait, that line between air and water where you breathe in and you. And that's what scares me is that you can't just make a purchase one day or make a money one. I might call it a mistake.

You buying looks at looks at a children at an 18 year old. That's a mistake. But it's a legal man. I mean, look, it's in your loins. I feel it. But at my age is a little risque. But what I worry about then is the algorithms, the, the ability of apps to then haunt you to chase you. Say, hey, about this young titty, you know, oh, we got a girl.

She was a senior volleyball captain and she bought them tits now. She's 18. You know, it's like that kind of stuff because the algorithm is going to haunt you now. Whereas back in the day, it was a little different. You buy something at a bakery that's everything stopped at the counter. And the only person that knew your secret was thick tiff back there or fat Allen or whoever, you know, no, no shame, bro. No shame, no shame. So anyway, I don't know exactly what I'm saying, but that's the kind of stuff that worries me is the is the ability of these apps to keep tabs and the ability of that.

Because how many times before they keep haunting somebody with an 18 year old, 18 year old, and then you're just making a pervert. I don't know. I don't know anything, man. So, but anyway, that's what's going on, man. We had a lot of great calls that came in, man, some special stuff and I want to be a part of that. And I thank you guys for being a part of of just continuing to be a part of my life over these years. And I'm excited to get back on tour, man. And we had a show in Dallas the other night, just a little show and man, it was fun.

I went and looked at some theaters to maybe shoot a Netflix special over there. Some beautiful places and just to be working in a, you know, in a state they're about to be at full capacity over there. And so that's a blessing, man. It's exciting. And it needs to happen. I think that whatever is in the air, whatever Corvus out there, the disease needs to run through us. It needs to run through us, man. That's what I think.

What do I know? I don't know shit. I mean, look at me. So I'm dressed like this. I'm going to tell you this, man. I've been losing my hair and you know it and I do everything I can to reposition my hair to restructure. I will recall hair. You know, I'll fricking, I'll stay up all night writing notes to my mustache trying to convince it to move up north.

Two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35. That's unbelievable, but not really. It's pretty obvious if you look at people. My mom is doing bad with their hair. But I'm here to tell you it's okay. You know, more than 50 million men in the U.S. suffer from male pattern baldness. It's not like something you did. You know, it's just that topography.

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We got a lot of great calls that came in. What else is new going on in my life? You know, I got a lot to do at home, man. Geez. Geez. Got a lot to do, brother. You know, there's just so many, you know. You need towels, you need soaps, you need silverware.

I got plastic plates and unfortunately I got three things of plastic plates because the picture on the website looked like bowls, but it was plates. And I think it said bowls. I think they spelled plates with a B O W L E S. So I'll fold the freaking plate into like a little bowl and get my cereal in the morning. And then they got some red robins doing a nest outside with eggs in it. And so I don't want to go out there and cause any harm. I don't want to affect mother nature. I got enough shit on my fucking docket at the moment.

So, so that's where I am with that. What else had some people come move a refrigerator in and they broke one of the front steps. Had the limb fall in the backyard. You know, so just regular life, man, regular life shit. Don't have a hamper yet. So it's just, you know, when you don't have a hamper, everywhere's a hamper. You know the drill. But boy, everywhere's a hamper.

So I'm just doing that. I'm living that life right now. And I think some of it feels a little sad. You know, it's a little sad to be not sad, but it's like, you know, it makes you, it's one of those moments where you get in a new place and you're like, okay. It's almost like walking up a staircase, not really up, but even sideways on a platform or something. And you the view is different. Like, okay, well, here I am now. I'm in a home.

How do I feel? What's it feel like? You know, what other responsibilities do I need a dog? Do I need, you know, one of those freezers for like catfish and beef and stuff that you keep in the refrigerator in the, in the garage? You know, you just start thinking, what other adult shit do I need? Do I need a wreath on my door at Christmas? You know, it's just you start thinking about a lot of stuff. You start thinking about a lot of stuff like that.

Um, adulthood, you know, it's a little scary, a little scary, but it's good. It's just a little scary. Let's get the news one more time, man. An article justice Clarence Thomas and I didn't, I didn't even know his first name was justice, but that's pretty dope. Justice Clarence Thomas said on Monday that Congress should suggest whether laws should be updated to regulate social media platforms. He claims social media platforms have come to have unbridled control over unprecedented amounts of speech. Suggested the platform should be used as common carriers such as trains and telephone companies, both having large amounts of government regulations. Um, you know, I think about this a lot because it does seem to me that what used to be people just talking now, the place where you talk is now social media.

That has become the, the communication environment. And I guess people could debate and say, well, no, you could just talk to your neighbors or talk to some, but you can, but that's not really what goes on anymore. You know, most talking or communicating is done now online, whereas it used to be, um, you had to go and see something live. There's now so much more accessibility to communication online. Most accessibility to communication is online. Um, and I, I guess I feel like people should be able to say whatever they want because it's almost like the companies have become like the microphones. So everybody has a microphone now and the companies have owned the microphone where they can't own your actual voice, but they own the thing your voice goes through to reach others, you know, that spigot. And, and yeah, I feel like it should be regulated somehow. You hate to have the government involved, but at the same time, because you want like free speech, but if the way we speak is now goes through a filter and that filter has judgment or jurisdiction over what is okay to say, then that seems very dangerous.

Because now speech doesn't feel free. It feels very specific. Like you're allowed to say things, but not these things. And I'd love to know what some of you guys think on that, you know, if you can hit the hotline [phone]. Yeah, you know, I just, because I feel like a lot of things, yeah, they're just not allowed to be shared and not allowed to be said online, things get labeled, things get labeled and then taken down. So that just feels alarming, at least let people decide what they want to hear or believe. But everyone should have the ability to share, I feel like. And I'm open to hear different people's thoughts on that. Because maybe also it's just our responsibility to be like, oh, well, this platform doesn't allow everything to be shared.

And I think most people know that, but I don't know, just a lot there, man, is a lot in that little cauldron. So if you want to stir that thing, hit the hotline [phone]. What else do we have here? We got a call that came in from Schuyler. What's up, Theo? This is my name is Schuyler. I'm out of the deep north up here in California, Humboldt County. Hey, Schuyler, thank you for calling up there from Humboldt County. You know, my friend went to school up there and he actually died, but a beautiful fellow and his birth date has passed. My friend, Ryan Thomas, and I hope he knows that I love him in heaven, baby. Gang, baby, onward. Thank you for calling, brother.

I had a question for you. My girlfriend, she's been going on three years now, just about, and she's got this opportunity to do 80 days backpacking, ski kayaking out in New Zealand. Just been kind of thinking about it a lot, kind of a long time away. Just wondering what's your thoughts on how I could handle that. And yeah, man, I love your podcast. You can see it every day doing drywall and painting and you get me through that shit. So appreciate you. Thank you a lot. Gang, brother, yin. I mean, drywall is really everybody knows you're halfway to doing drugs.

And so I wish you well, brother. And you know, your girlfriend got the opportunity to have an experience. And I appreciate you caring for even what I think about it. I just, I would suggest that you just let her do it and try to find ways to just be as supportive as you can. You know, let her go have an experience. Now, you hope she doesn't really get real indigenous out there. You know, and she's, you know, out there making, you know, meets a Sherpa or something like that. And they're, you know, starting a little Swiss family Robinson or something.

But that's probably not going to happen, man. People's hike and it's dangerous. People die. And, you know, it's hard to get erect when everybody, when people have fever, when there's people are hungry and altitude, all of that. There's a lot of factors that are going to really probably keep the man off of her. But I think the biggest thing, man, is just to love her and just do what you can to love her and just, yeah, send her out on the way, send her out on the way and be supportive. You know, get her a nice compass or get her a nice, you know, something that when she looks for direction or thinks about direction that she thinks about you, you know. Because that's going to, I think really, then you're going to get into the entrails of her thoughts and of her feelings like, oh man, the real direction I need in my life is that fella right there. But yeah, it's tough because you don't want to hold somebody back from an opportunity, but at the same time, you want to hold somebody. And that's a real tricky biscuit, man. That's Aaron Water, man. That's Aaron Water.

Let's hear it right here. Aaron Rogers, speaking of Aaron, Aaron Rogers on Jeopardy. A question came in on Aaron Rogers, somebody asked him. This was interesting. Over to our two-day champion on the end, Scott, did you come up with the correct response? Who wanted to kick that field goal? That is a great question. It should be correct, but unfortunately for this game today, that's incorrect and you're going to lose. And a man asked him on there, Aaron Rogers famously, they didn't make the Super Bowl because they, well, who knows if that's why, but they chose to kick a field goal instead of go for it. And so a guy asked him that on Jeopardy when he was hosting Jeopardy. Aaron Rogers has the most punchable face I think I've ever seen, really. There's just, it's just so punchable. But yeah, I think that was great, man. I love it when somebody hits somebody with a surprise with that rare element. You know, you hit them with that plutonium or that egregium, bro, when you shock the table, bro, and hit them with that periodic fucking uniqueness dog, got it? So that's a good question. Who wanted to kick that field goal? Who knows, man?

What else do we have, man? We got a lot of calls that came in. Let's do one right here that came in. Hey Theo, what's going on, bro? My name's Brad. I'm coming to you from Gaylord, Michigan. Big bread. And that's a rare name, man. That's the carbohydrate hitter, baby big bread. Let's hear it. I just got two questions for you here. The first one is, so I'm going to stop, I'm 22 years old and I'm going to stop smoking weed on Monday here. Sure you are, Brad. Let's hear more, bud. I know you used to be addicted to them cigarettes, so I'm just curious on what you would do to kind of keep your mind off that and to like not reach for one. Oh yeah. Man, stay away from that weed because that weed is a nice, it's like a pillow, but you put, it's like a, it's like putting your head on a pillow, but the pillow's inside your head. I think I would probably do some fitness too. I think doing fitness, it's like, it's hard to go for a jog, I feel like, and then want to get stoned. I feel like if you activate the other side of you, that physical side, maybe it'll, it'll just keep your pump up and you'll feel so good off them endorphins, you won't want to get playing it out.

But those are my thoughts, you know, I don't know. You might want to smoke weed forever also. You might want to do it and just not tell your friends you might want to, you know, you could try DMT, you know, that could help you quit. That's what got me to quit cigarettes. You know, and I still, actually I don't, man. It took the real desire to have that, that hit out of me. Because that's the thing about smoking weed. I want to, I want to suck on that thing, bro. I want to suck on that grassy, grassy knob, daddy. You know what I'm saying? That John. I want to fucking tickle my lungs with that fucking soft little field stick, baby. That John. So, I wasn't good at them John's, man. A lot of brothers are better at smoking weed, I think, than whites. Praise God, man. And, you know, I seen a male man the other day smoke or male woman. I'm not sure whether it was a man or woman. And they were urban, you know, and they were smoking a John. And I didn't fucking say nothing, you know what I'm saying, bro.

Like, you know what I'm saying? You can't, you can't say anything anymore. So you just kind of pray for them and just don't use the postal system anymore. You know, it's almost getting back to days. You just take a letter to somebody if you need to get it to them. But, but anyway, what else you got, bub? Also, I got me and four buddies coming to making a road trip down to Nashville, Tennessee. And I'm just curious if you have any input on what we should do. We're staying right on Broadway there. I don't know. We don't know if we should pull up with some cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Just curious if you could tell me how it's looking down there. Well, look, it's open. It's open carry as well. I think it's an open carry state so you could glock up. I think they just opened that up.

You know, it's the central east, man. So it's all types of people. Broadway does have a real country vibe to it. But there's all types around here. There's all types around here. And it's, you know, it's a tourist destination. I think find some things to do that are outside of just right in the city. I mean, unless you guys are just looking to rage. If that's the case, if y'all just looking to shed some skin, bruh, and just dick out or whatever they call it, you know, or just touch titty or whatever, then you'll be fine. But if you want more than that, then you probably need to talk to a concierge or look at a, you know, like a fanflit or something and find other stuff to do. My favorite thing to do is just drive out to the countryside, you know, just take a cruise out somewhere. But that's not always the thing you're looking to do when you and your buddies are just trying to get bent out, you know, and try to make sure everybody's straight.

That's the thing. As you get older and you go get wasted with a bunch of friends, it's really, you just got, you know, that's how you find, that's how you just make sure that everybody's straight in the group. So what else, man? I know that this story came in right here, and this is a news story. Man dies in taco eating contest family file suit. A California man choked and died during an amateur taco eating contest at a minor league baseball game. The son of the man is suing the events organizers for negligence. The president of the league declined to give a statement. You know, there's a lot worse ways to go, man. There's a lot worse ways to go than with half a taco. And these days, nobody wants to have any accountability, no matter what it is.

You know, everybody wants to hashtag taco Tuesday and, you know, nom, nom, nom, nom. But they came back it up in the streets. They get out there on them taquitos or them beef quesadillas. And they came back it up by. So I think in this case, you almost got to let by guns be by guns, man. Unless they use that t-shirt cannon and shot it down your boy's gullet. I mean, it's highly unfortunate. You know, it's first of all, it's extremely unfortunate to even have people know that you were at a minor league baseball game. And then that you never left because you're with the Lord now.

And you got tacoed out. I mean, it's heartbreaking, man. And I feel for the family and I feel for the fellow that went down on that on that entree. But I don't know if a lawsuit helps. It's just going to, you know, it's going to cripple the team. The team will be done. So maybe see if you could sue to have to change the name. You know, sue to see if you could change the name to something in memoriam of your son. That might be kind of nice. At least that way there's going to be a piece of him still alive, you know.

In a special way that will cause other people are going to go to the games and find joy. But, but I'm sorry, man. RIP, bro. Praise God, bro. So, oh, man, I'm tired today. It's been a long couple of, you know, I was out of town for like a week, went to LA, then went to Easter. And it's good, man. You know, it's good, man. What else? We got a video that came in right here. Let's take a peek. It's a young fellow down syndrome. You know, I beat it. And this beautiful fellow right here, this toddler, he's playing football.

And the handoff, thank you so much. Hey, look at this. He's at the corner. He's at the corner. He's at the corner. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. It's beautiful, man. It's fellow for the Wildcats. And he has down syndrome and he played for the Wildcats and they let him run in for the score. You know, and that kind of stuff is sweet, man. It's beautiful to see. It's beautiful to see the little fellow getting out there, getting into the end zone, feeling that just that fire, you know. So many people don't get to feel like camaraderie. I do think, though, that somebody towards the end of the thing should have lit him up a little bit. You know, have a brother, at least a mixed dude, fly in and just right as he crosses the goal line, crack him a little.

Just to really... Because that's how you learn, man, going through the fire. You could let anybody just run across the track. You get a good feeling. I'm sure it's uplifting. But knowing that you got laid down by a mixed dude right at the end, I think that that makes it even doper if he shows it to his friends or when he watches it back, you know. It gives it that vitrol. So I know the fellows already got that DS on them and I wish they, you know... You know, I feel like they just should have had a brother crack him down at the end or...

Just somebody and not like hurt him. You're not trying to hurt the guy. You know, he's already got his thing going on, but... I just feel like you want him to feel the whole vibe of the game. But I don't know. You know, and that's just my take on it, man. And I probably shouldn't be allowed to have take some things, but... What else do we have here, man? Let's do one or two more. And first, I want to let you know also that you should know that the dick pills are good. They're good, man.

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It's an online prescription service. No visits to the doctors, no awkward conversations. Here's a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code THEO at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's bluechew.com promo code THEO to receive your first month free. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. I've tried them. I like them. I like them to get you that rum spring, you know? Because you want to amish up that rod, fam gang. All right. Here's a call that came in right here. What's up, Theo? My name's Nate. I'm from New York. I'm 26 years old.

I suffer from pretty severe anxiety. Okay, Nate. Anxious Nate, baby. That rattler dog. You got that rattle in you. Yes, sir. Let's hear more. And I know you take antidepressants and you're quite open about it. I'm really nervous to inquire about it. I'm nervous that I'll lose my edge. I'll lose my personality. I'm an artist and I'm nervous that I'll zap my creativity. But I most certainly see that it has not zap yours. So I was just wondering if you could give me any advice. I appreciate your honesty, man. Thank you for everything. Peace out, gang gang.

Gang Nathaniel and thank you. Thank you for reaching out, man, and just checking in with us. And for sharing that you got your own anxiety meds. Pushing meds. Dude, if you look at commercials, one out of three commercials is for meds. There's only like nine companies anymore. And one out of three commercials is for meds, man. It's intense out there. And so everybody's on something or hell, the other day I unzip my pants. My penis was taken a pill. I don't even have anything to do with it. Everything's pilling out. You know, you'll find a dang pill in your ass, bro. You know, it's like that. People's peeled out.

Everybody's on something. But you know, the anti-anxiety med. Yeah, I've taken them all, man. Zoloft. But I would call Zoloft no loft because I couldn't get that erect. You know, I was really sponged out in that ween, baby. You know it. So the hard part is keeping your penis full. Because the crazy part is your brain, I feel like we'll get happier on the anti-anxiety meds. Your brain will get better off. You just don't care about things as much. You see a squirrel get shot or something. You feel bad, but you don't feel bad. You just know you feel bad.

Something sad happens to you. You get sad, but you don't get that sad. You just kind of know that you feel sad. So it kind of, you know, like when you went bowling as a child and they had them bumper bolings on. Like that. But for feelings, just puts the bumpers on. And sometimes I want the bumpers off. I want the full throttle. I want that dirty Monty, you know. I want that nasty nasty. I want all the feelings. So that's the trade-off. You don't get the highs and you don't get the lows. You get a whole lot of harsh mediums. Good and bad. So sometimes I wish I could quit and now I can't quit. I quit for a few days and I spiral a little.

And I don't even know if it's placebo or if it's real. But I quit for a few days and then I get real scared. One bad thing happens. And I think, you know, I start feeling some type of way and then I feel like everything's going to be bad and I have to get right back on it. And it's crazy to me that, you know, something that I went in for 20 years ago, they gave me this pill and I'm still taking it. That's wild. It feels not right. Like if you broke your arm and they put a cast on it 20 years ago, if you still had the cast on, it seems like they'd have some way to get you off the cast. And that's the thing about it. It's more like getting, I don't know, it's like an eternal thing. But don't feel bad about it. A lot of people are on it.

I would just kind of monitor how you are on it and then make an educated guess for yourself. You know, these are unique times and these are met at up times. And just know you're not alone, man. And people love talking about it. Hell, you flash a fluoxetine or a damn, what is that other one called? It's a well buttern at a bar. I mean, look, bitches love buttern. I've seen those shirts before. So it's possible to really find joy even on the pills and everything. Oh, man, my back hurts. Something always hurts. Jesus, man. Getting old, your fucking body. It's hard, man.

And I got a pee all the time. I started to feel like I'm just carrying pee around. I feel like a camel. More than a person like, oh, here's some more pee. Here's some pee. Here's some pee, pee. Matter of fact, I'm a pee before this last call. All right. You know, I'm lucky to have a job. I gotta remember that. I've been making a lot of gratitude lists recently and that's been helping me keep my mind in a good spot. You know, because the world is weird. The world is always going to be weird. And really, our world is better than a lot of people have ever had it. And I believe that. And I got to take care of my space and my brain space, you know.

Be careful where I set my brain and where I set my attention and where I set my sponge. Casual. Absorb, man. Let's take another call that came in here, man. Here we go. Hey, Pio. This is Jordan and Denver, Colorado. Hey, Jordan. Thank you for the call. May you sound like my friend, John, who's a friend of mine that used to work for a J.P. Pacone. I think they did construction or something. I think he's still alive, but not definite. Let's hear more. Brother, thank you for calling, Jordan. Sorry. Been a long time listening to your podcast. I work by myself every day. So I have you in my ear most days and you help me get through and make me laugh and make the work day that much easier.

Well, thank you, man. I appreciate that. You know, you make my work day easier by being on the phone here and just chiming in. So thank you for checking in, man. I'll work. I was just calling my little brother a couple of years younger than me. He just graduated from physical therapy school. He was supposed to get his license and, you know, go start off on that career. Lately, you know, alcohol got in the better of him and, you know, his addiction is winning out over that, you know, potentially new, exciting career. You know, he just, he had about six weeks sober and relapsed this past Thursday and he's just been deep in it and, you know, you can, he just, he doesn't want to live, you know, he wants to drink himself to death and be a left alone to do it. And I don't know how to reach him, man. So any advice you might have for me, you know, I know you know so much better. I know you know so much about this kind of thing and, you know, listening to you talk to other callers on podcasts.

So if you have anything you can give me, if you have time to shout out to him and just let him know that, you know, he's worthy, that he's okay. I appreciate it. Gang, bro. Thank you, man. Thank you for calling. You know, thank you for caring about your brother, you know, thank you for putting that into the world. Man, it's hard. It's hard to watch somebody we care about struggle, bro. It's hard. You know, it's hard when we can't see, when we can't feel how much people care. I think that's a common problem with people that struggle is they can't feel the care for some reason. They just can't feel it. They just don't. Their antennas, their heart antennas are not very long.

And they have a short memory. Their heart has a short memory. That's literally what it feels. It feels like something like my heart just has such a short memory. And I don't want it to. It's not a choice. It's a defect. But man, thank you for just reminding me of what it's like to care about a brother. Thank you for just sharing like, you know, for sharing that it just hearing you, you know, just call you care about your brother. You want him to be okay, you know. Yeah. And if I had a message for him, I would just say, Hey, man, you know, I wish you didn't feel so bad. Not really, really wish you didn't feel so bad.

I bet you probably hurt in a place that you can't even access. And I bet you want people to see how much you hurt, but you just no matter, you feel like maybe no matter what you do, it's not going to show them. And yeah, I just want you to know that there's a possibility for things to get better. There's ways for you to feel better. And I know it may not feel like as possible, but there really are. This year has been hard. This life has been hard in some ways and in emotional ways. You know, living is a hard thing to do. It's an, it's a job that you never signed up for. It's like suddenly you're like nine years old and you're like, Holy shit, I work, I work at FedEx. Like, I don't know. It's a shock a lot of times.

But I'm sorry that your brother's having such a tough time and I'm sorry that you're having a tough time too. You know, I've had siblings that have struggled and I've gotten messages from people who know that I struggle and it's just, you know, I know it's so hard for people to watch other people go through a tough time. And, you know, I wish your brother knew how much for that we wanted him here. Because if he's deep enough to feel all that pain, bro, if there's that much depth in him, then there's that much depth in him for joy as well. You know, there's not many people in the world that God kind of let's walk through that depth of pain, man. So for him, if for him, if he could get through it and to be able to then help others, it's like talking to Christopher Columbus, bro. It's like talking to that emotional Magellan, you know, they've been on those high seas. It's just a lot of it's almost like going out of space, man.

But like inside yourself, you know, it's that discomfort, that pain and wanting to detach from it and wanting to detach from the world. I used to think sometimes like that. Oh, I'm going to hurt. I'm going to do, you know, you're going to watch me suffer world, you know, because you did this to me world, you're going to watch what I'm going to do now. I'm not even going to take care of myself, you know, that kind of thing. And yes, I don't know, man. I've been having a tough time recently kind of connecting with some of my own feelings, but but I'll hit you up, man. I'll say hey to you off the show and see what's going on. But we love you dog and we love your brother and you know, it's we I just commend you for taking different avenues to try and show him that you care. Man, it's so hard if somebody really is an alcoholic is so hard for them to know that people care is just it's just hard, man.

They just have, you know, we can be in such denial sometimes I'll be standing cotton. And I'll just won't believe it soft, man. You know, I just want to have such control over everything. Anyway, I'm kind of rambling and I don't mean to be separating from from your call. It's been a long week for me and and I'll reach out to you man and say hello. But but thank you for calling just even putting your brother on our on our minds and hearts for a minute, bro. You know, we need it in the world. We need to be thinking about one another.

You know, because it's fucking cool. It feels good, man. When you know somebody cares. God, it feels good. When that arrow of love comes from somebody and it goes to somehow makes its way through that kaleidoscope of bullshit. And it just and it man and it's getting rarer and rarer, baby. So gang man, thank you for calling in, man. And be good to yourself, dude.

You deserve it. Yeah. If you have any suggestions too for for Jordan right there that could, you know, I mean, I know we can, you know, we can suggest 12 step, which is stuff we know it works. But if you have any other suggestions, feel free to hit the hotline. I want to say happy belated birthday to Sean Dugan, who helps out here in the central east and he's a young fella. And, you know, he's always battling the dark arts, but he he carries a strong sword and what else, man? That's it really.

That's it. That's it. You know, you guys be good to yourselves, man. Take care of yourself and and take care of each other. You know, we got this shit, man. I hate to be preachy. I feel like I sound so preachy right now. My fucking back hurts, dog.

I feel like somebody wish somebody was fucking shoot me in the back with a damn ibuprofen gun. I feel so good when it feels so good if somebody just came up on the street and just pop, pop, pop, pop. But it was like toward all Michael. Let's go out the way that we came in, man. We all need that dip. We all need that restart. We all need that man gang. Cap ties me.

I'm Robert Randolph in the Family Bank. I'm there for the waiting. I'm lost in the blood. I'm begging you, please. I'm begging you, please, baby. I'm begging you, please. That ties me. I see it coming.

Lugging at me that way. I'm on Robert. Now all my blues. Seen Friday days. Friday days. I'm a son of a preacher, man. A small Catholic shape. I never learned a devil's song.

What else can I see? Yo, baby. I ain't got no money, no fantasy. Damn, got it wrong again. Baby, let's go. I want to say I'm begging you, please. I'm begging you, please. I got that pedal steel.

I think of that slug. It's like really gossip. That hand animal, baby. God, he's petting that fan like a frickin' lyrical zebra, though. Push me under when you pull me in. I hold my breath. You watch my sins.

You testify, my husband. I'm a brand new man, baby. I'm gone again. And there he is right there. Robert Randolph and the family band Baptize Me. Grateful to listen to that tune today. You guys be good to yourselves, man.

We deserve it.