This Past Weekend - E344 Gravel On The Road
Episode Date: June 9, 2021Theo discusses the Logan Paul vs Floyd Mayweather fight, reacts to a naked woman destroying an Outback Steakhouse, shares his love of woman's softball and pays tribute to some childhood friends that r...ecently passed away. Plus, Theo gives a FaceTime call to a single mother battling cancer and Hodgkin Lymphoma and offers her some help. New Merch: https://theovonstore.com​ New Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour Music: "The Come Up" - Eddie 9Vhttps://bit.ly/3v6zQOA"I Can Make You Like Me" - Akira The Don Support our Sponsors: The Zebra: https://thezebra.com/theoPeloton: https://www.onepeloton.comFiverr: https://www.fiverr.com use code Theo for 10% off your 1st orderBlueChew: https://bluechew.com use promo code THEO to get your first order freeLiquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Oh, yeah.
Dude, I love those sounds that come out of your body.
That kind of like, you know, if you see like a sometime I was
sitting on a bench somewhere and I think I was at a outlet mall.
And if you've never been to an outlet mall, it's basically where
people, really people that love each other unconditionally go to
kind of waste money on shit that doesn't fit.
You know, you'll see somebody with like a, you know, you'll see somebody with a
one shoe that they, it's like a size 10 and the other one's a nine.
But they don't, you know, they're not really, they don't care that much, I guess,
or they just, they're willing to deal with it for the price at $6, you know.
You'll see somebody with a neck brace that says s-day lauder on it.
And just, you know, people want things that have just big insignias on it.
You know, for $4, you'll pay somebody just to damn paint Levi's down your arm.
Or to, you know, you'll get a, for 50 cents, Baskin Robbins will give you
ice cream to scoop it right in your hand.
You know, they just, it's like a halfway house for capitalism, basically.
You know, you'll see a damn Lacoste shirt over in the distance, over in the,
you know, in the parking lot, shooting up in the car by himself.
He's over there just dousing up.
So, I don't even know what I was going to tell you guys, but I'm, I'm happy to be
here with you and I'm happy that I'm not at an outlet mall right now.
You know, when I was a child, we liked hitting that outlet mall.
You're on your way to the beach.
You got $17 burning a hole in your pocket and you want about 30 items.
You could get a shirt that's made out of all collars.
There's no, you know, they messed up in China or somewhere and they just, damn, it's just full.
It have collars on the arm.
So your, your neck has a collar and both arms have a collar.
You're like, damn, let's, this is a real professional shirt.
You know, you just, that's the kind of stuff you see.
You'll get a baby diaper there, sorts coins and they'll give you that for 58 cents, 67 cents, 77 cents.
It's just that kind of shit, you know, you can get a soda for 60 cents, but there's no cup involved.
They just pour it in your mouth, drink as much as you can, you know, have a store say unlimited beverages.
We'll douse you up.
We'll douse your daddy up.
Yeah, it's a lot of sunburned people, a lot of non-Bitcoin owning type of people.
I feel like just regular people.
You know, a lot of people that have been involved in domestic disputes better, but now they're going to the beach.
And on the way there, they stop and get a little dose of that come up, you know that.
And I'll say this, man, no shade to Britain.
I know you guys send in whatever his name is, little Markey or whatever that guy's name is, Prince Harold.
Y'all sending his little ass over here with his trifling lady and we sent her over there.
Y'all send them back, you know.
Apparently the import-export business is just, we're just all just sharing a bunch of fucktards, you know it.
And I'll say this, man, a biscuit will beat the hell out of a scone.
And you could put that on your great granddaddy's damn doorstep, dude,
unless y'all sold his home after he died.
No shade, baby.
Let's come up, baby.
Gang.
This is Eddie 9V with the come up and that's nine volt.
It feels so good to have a brand new view.
Well, I just broke up with my baby.
No, I can finally get the love in you.
Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street when I made a game and said to me, you're on the
come up, you're on the come up and it's plain to see between you and me, we got so much love
and chemistry, it's plain to come up and it's plain to come up. Well, good things keep on coming
and there ain't gonna be no running, no, I'm on the come up and I just got home and now I'm back.
I got so many people asking where I'm at, I've been to Tennessee and Ohio,
Alaska, Los Alamos, women know I'm on the come up, yeah.
Nothing really more to say.
Well, if you're asking me what I really want to do is just come right back, make love to you,
I'm on the come up.
Come on.
There you go, baby.
89 volt, filling me.
Filling me, man. Filling my cornea copia.
Remember that deal, they taught you about it back in elementary.
They taught you cornea copia, man, it was a damn little,
I don't know what the hell it was, get a basket, you know, it was just a damn, it didn't,
you know, it was just a greedy, it looked like a damn oysters little side piece or something,
I don't know what it was, man. The cornea copias and they fucking, they stuffed them with carrots
and all kind of shit. And it just, it was too much to, I couldn't handle, I didn't know what was
going on. It looked like a, it looked like a seashell, like a damn gay seashell or something,
or a sexually curious, you know, or bit curious, they call it. It looked like a bit curious seashell,
trying to have a salad or something at one time. And that was cornea copias, man.
That's 89 volt. God, it's a good tune, isn't it?
And thank you guys for being here today. We are here. And that is the choice that we made,
and I'm grateful for it. What's going on, man, a lot of little deals. You know, you had the Floyd
Mary weather and Logan Paul went at it. And it really, it kind of had a, I mean,
Logan Paul, he came in hella German on that fight when you're looking at him. Real sweet,
just very Viking, very like, damn, this fellow owns an axe type of look, you know, and I don't know,
you know, I don't know if I like watching, do I want to see millionaires fight each other?
I want the underdog in there, I feel like. And I guess, you know, Floyd has accusations of wife of,
of, you know, you know, he's 50, 50, he's 50, you know, seven of his wins came against X wives
allegedly. And so, you know, maybe that's what you want to see. I don't know. I was just wondering
what made me want to, you know, I was on the airplane, there's no streaming on there.
So you have to just guess what's happening, which is, you know, it's like the old days, really.
You know, it used to be like, what happens when we tell you to describe it?
But then it's, you know, it just gets different, you know,
and now it's like, there's just so much, you get so many of the recaps and stuff,
but I'm on this plane, I'm trying to get the thing to stream it wouldn't.
But about every 55 seconds, it would give me a glimpse, just a JPEG, just a bam.
And, uh, yeah. And so, you know, I had no idea what was happening.
It looked kind of like a couple of squared hands, look a couple of young men
that had met somewhere and was doing drugs and, you know, probably at a men's club, a night club
called splash or fade or joy. A lot of, usually the gay club in town has that, you know, kind of like,
um, it's never like Care Bear Ernie's tug it out boy's shop or something.
You know, I, I, some of, I wish they would go with a more vibrant name, a lot of gay men,
night, uh, you know, drinking holes, water holes, bars.
But they don't, you know, they, they just kind of, it's always like vibe or, uh, glisten, glisten
is kind of a dicey when I feel like this. I don't know what that's that they're doing in there, but
yeah, we had, I'm trying to think spray was one. You're like, that's, that's, that seemed like a
tough bit. Uh, but yeah, I tried to watch on the airplane. I couldn't do it. I could not get that
thing to, uh, to load up in the function. Um, and so I just got a glimpse every now and then.
But that's what the one thing that's interesting, the old days, you know, I feel like that's how
storytelling really found its, that's why storytelling had some value. It had some limbs on it.
You know, it had some legs because you had to tell a story.
What happened to Ronnie, you know? Oh, you know, Ronnie got Ronnie got his ears pierced, man.
You're like, damn, really? He's a, you know, he's a father of four and he's in his 70s and the people
like, yeah, well, you know, he likes boy bands, you know, he got the, they caught him in his truck
crying in his truck with a O town poster and then, and then he got him pierced. So, um,
but yeah, just you had to tell a story. Everybody had to, well, what happened?
You know, they, remember Paul Revere's, that fellow, you know, the original drunk driver,
that dude's out there just rolling across the central east, just screaming, yelling.
You know, just, but you had to hear, you know, people used to have to tell the story. There
was a value to somebody coming into town. Well, tell me what happened. Oh, you were there to share it
with me. It was different before we had all this mass communication. We all had such a value, I feel
like, because the story of the world and the story of existence, it was all it needed, all of us.
And we still have it. We still iterate it, but there's not that moment to moment value
in everyone where you're like, Oh, tell me what happened. Oh, you got, you're not, man,
y'all ain't gonna believe what it's just, you know, now with so much videography,
it's just a different time. But I don't know why, I don't know why I said that.
But I guess I was just kind of thinking a little bit, you know, let's go and I got a smoothie.
I'm back out here in the central east. You know, when I got me a smoothie, I took that first sip and
it's one of the healthy ones, man. And it, God, it just,
it's a little too healthy, you know, it kind of tastes like I'm just like I stuck a thing into
a plant and I'm just sucking that big bitch off. Like I'm just just giving a, just really just
giving that frickin, that little baby hummer to a, to a plant, you know, like I'm just damn taken down
a damn, uh, begonia or something face first, you know, I'm just doing oral on a begonia. This thing
just heavy. I mean, it may have dirt in it. I have, that's the thing. You go to some of the
smoothies and it's too healthy. It's too, it's just like, come on. They just go too far with it.
You know, it's just too much. They just like, some of us just too healthy, man. You know,
you know, they have potting soil in it. They'll have semen from, uh, Slovenia. And it, you're like,
what? You just like, damn, man. You got the kind of shit make you suck off a bag of carrots after
you have it. You know, it's just, some of us just getting too healthy. I missed the original
smoothies. That thing was mostly sugar, dude. And then they'd hit you with two scoops of, uh, protein
powder. And they'd have like the one dude in town. He was like, oh, I work at GNC. I'm eating meat right
now in my head. He would record himself eating meat with a video and then just play it back
while he was eating, while he was also eating meat later. You know, we'd have a night he would
sleep next to a audio of him just sounds of him eating meat. His name's guys. Got bacon brain, man.
What else is going on? I went home to Louisiana. You know, and it was, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
un, uh, enjoy a circumstances really, man. Had a childhood friend that passed away.
you know when he died of drugs and doing drugs and you know it's kind of it's
kind of wild when that happens and I know it's happening for a lot of people out
there a lot of people struggling and a lot of people's friends and family
struggling and you know I believe that there's some people that suffer from
addiction and then there's some people who are somehow victims of you know
these large pharmaceutical corporations and they're just throwing pills and
everything you know you go to Starbucks and get a muffin and you know you could
get a damn they'll do blueberry zanbar in there like what it'll be pineapples
and soma like what that's a mix that's another mixture now this muffin brought
to you by damn Monteverdi or whatever there's a big company in Monsanto like
gee I don't know should I eat this and eat it you're just used to it you know
you out there fucking now I've been on a couple Monsanto muffins dude now your
mustache won't grow you don't know what's going on your tongue smells like soy
beans anyway man yeah I had to go home this buddy will was a friend of mine and
he passed you know and it was just interesting man you know you know it
was a lot of things it was a lot of people hadn't seen in a long time and some
of you may know you know I spoke over the years about this gentleman and he and
I you know we were friends when we were young when it was not a lot of people in
our town and you know back when you could still hear the train come through and
back when if somebody was on the train it was a you know a decent person now the
train pulls up this it's a bunch of just damn you know anybody could be on there
now it's mostly robbers only now on the train you let me put these shades back
on sometimes you know it's almost like I'm in mourning a little and you know
you're maybe this fellow this fellow I grew up but I was there was a time in our
town when somebody got a hot tub and people had never said couldn't imagine
what what what is it somebody's like it's like a little ocean in your yard and
it's you know you put a damn you know it's like warm it's like a little damn
soup and so people were fired up you know and an opening night I didn't get to go
to opening night at it there was more adults going there and seeing it and
drinking wine by it and you know people would press a button and turn it on and
then turn it off oh look at that boy it's great you know people bobbing for
apples in it you know drinking and then maybe your buddy's wife's over there
bobbing and nobody's looking and you go touch her ass a little or something or
play crack hand or something for a second with her you know whatever I don't know I
don't know what the neighborhood was like I didn't go to opening night but the
next day they let the children get in it you know when I was a child and so I got
in there and you know we're all in there and we were children and there's a many
many kids as you could fit into a damn little hot tub and this I think this
fella this thing probably seated seven I don't know when you're a kid everything
seats seven seventy seven hundred you know your children so it doesn't matter
if there's people next to your on your whatever you know little Lawrence will
be in there and he'll be wearing a little freaking Anthony as a scarf and they
got nine other kids you know they got twins in there and somebody goes in and
comes out as triples it doesn't know who knows it's just being children there was
just you know the the connective energy amongst children is it's not as it's very
strong you know as we when we get it as we become adults I find I but I become
more of a proton or a neutron but when you're young you're just part of the
electricity so anyway we had a bunch of children in there and we've never been in
a hot tub people didn't know you know people drinking the water and doing all
you know washing their hair and one kid you know his dad come over and baptize
them on the side and people just living on one fellow brought a fish it died
immediately because of the heat but people didn't know we didn't know we
weren't enjoying it and the directions got all wet immediately so nobody knew
what they said and we were just hot tub and and pretending we were in fan somebody
wrote Tahiti on the on a sign and nailed it to the tree right there and God we
were living it up and there was one fellow named CJ and he was older than us
he was probably he could have been 15 he could have been 60 you know he had us
he had scars on his back I don't he might have been a slave you know he's white
guy but he might have been enslaved at one point I don't know he'd been through
a lot you know he'd been through a lot and I remember he had hair kind of around
the top of his pants on the back and so anyway we're all in the hot tub we're
enjoying and we're probably maybe 10 or 12 I don't know 11 and big CJ been under
the water he'd been touching his body you know and he'd been prepping his body
to really eat jack out and spray you know and really just bust full you know and
I'm not a pedophile or anything I'm just telling you a story from my childhood
so you know I was there and I was a child and when it when this happened
anyway so he he's prepping his body under water the rest of us don't know
we're doing backstrokes you know we're doing one guy's feeling his mouth with
water shooting it in the air somebody else is catching it you know people just
having a good time it's like a little Las Vegas out there it's like our own
little Bellagio you know we're doing it all and CJ been prepping his body to
bust out well at one point he stands up in the hot tub and ejects out into the
water and we'd never seen it like what we'd never seen you know I think I'd
only ever even seen anybody else's penis it was probably my brother I'd seen my
own penis in a mirror but that's just your you know that's still your penis
it's not you know it's still yours it's just one and then I'd seen some other
kids penis through like a fire he was on the other side of a fire and I was on
one side but um yeah this kid stood up and he knew about it and so he you know
he's ejecting out into the pond or whatever and uh and my buddy will was
right there and will was a sweet guy man and he just he he thought something was
happening to this kid to this CJ but he thought he was dying I guess you know he
thought well if this you know if he pumps out another 20 or 30 servings he's
gonna you know each time he gets gonna get a smaller and smaller he's
disappearing you know and I could see in that moment how that all registered it
was like oh my gosh this guy's you know this guy's eventually his whole body
will shoot out of the end of his wiener so we didn't know what to do man so we'll
grabbed it we'll grabbed it to really stop it off at the end like a hose you
know like where you bend a hose like that and the fella punched him man fell
unloaded unloaded on him so and that was a lot man that was a lot for one
moment in time because we'd never I'd never seen any of that I'd never you know
to see such you know a moment of kind of sexual advancement at that and
experience that and then also see of saving you know this real saving grace
this real this two-handed angel you know come in and try to save this boy's life
to keep his body inside of his body to keep him from just dripping out his
existence into the world and then to see the abuse at the end and you know
that's kids man and that's kids brother but uh but God man
God life is a there's a lot of gravel on the road isn't there and will we love
you man and I just want to let you know that you are loved brother and and you'll
be missed man you were always you were always up for the up for the up for a
good time man I feel like you were always and not just any time you're always
pretty positive man and hopeful and and you'll be missed I gotta let you know we
got tour dates we're adding shows coming up those will go on sale I believe
next Tuesday and we are adding shows in Cincinnati Durham Chattanooga Knoxville
Minneapolis Charleston and Columbus so just letting you know now you can follow
that information through Instagram and through the podcast as well as well
currently have chosen st. Louis Cincinnati Charlotte Durham North
Carolina over there where my mother attended college Chattanooga where my
mother lived actually on a mountain or on a hill over there before they had a
fallen out Knoxville Tennessee Wilmington Delaware Wilkes Byer
Minneapolis finally getting back over there to Princess Hometown Charleston
South Carolina where I went to college for one semester and and I used to work
at frozen options over there where they had good smoothies and and dirty uh where
we didn't fully clean out the only tandem bed in town and people got
dysentery and um pink eye out of there cuz some fella butted out in there one
night came in there how you know after a night of doing cocaine and desecrated
the thing with his butt or whatever and we didn't clean it very well Richmond
Baltimore Albany we will be there all the dates and all the tickets should be
bought through Theo von comm slash tour that's where you have to get these
things because other places are it's ridiculous links young lady send me a
thing the other day fuck you buddy fuck you I'm trying to take Arnold and I
guess that's her husband or whatever I don't know trying to take Arnold to see
you and each ticket's 260 bucks you in and then she called me the n-word which
is fine you know I'm saying I don't mind being called up once in a while but I
you know it just was like I don't know I guess I mean I was right I'm always
ready for it but I just wasn't you know this seemed egregious but anyway and I
wrote back I said well just get you a ticket from a regular locale woman get
you a ticket from a decent locale because you're shopping indecently on
random links that's all the links through Theo von comm slash tour take you
to appropriately priced tickets everything else is that's cat-ass baby
that's cat-ass and I don't mess with cat-ass man also don't mess with paying
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the name you can trust you know I saw I want to thank everyone for hitting the
hotline 985-664-9503 and for submitting unique videos and things to discuss here
and there's a website here someone sent a video in of a woman who found a stranger
living in her house okay there's a woman in her bathroom talking about being
lonesome and that no one lives at her home and this woman seems I don't want
to say vegan but definitely you know kind of lady that kind of starts to some
people if they get too vegan or out there they'll start to look like Christmas
trees they have a lot of ornaments and knick-knackery on them
and there you go at the end she realizes based on hair color that somebody
and you you can't see on the video they pan down and there's an eyebrow or
something in the tub and to me this seemed like it's a who is a lady more
no it could be a damn little mercantile what's that
lady's name low her name she's like a missy now low let me see highest
grossing female rappers Nicki Minaj I feel like it looked like Nicki Minaj is
in there and lost a damn eyebrow or something but she said it's a man's hair
it sounded like that but this lady also may not even she seemed like a real
uh I don't mean she'd find a damn eyebrow in the tub but she said she's been
wearing weird stuff this is the final straw like if you like if there's like
a you know somebody been making muffins and they left a bolt you know a muck
muffin stuff you know stuffing the out-in-your-counter then you got to call
the police or me can't you can't be like hmm what is this I want is there
somebody make a muffin am I sleep muffining like she says this is the
final straw the final whether I just wonder what some of the other straws
were you know I wonder what some of the other straws were where you finally found
a piece of mustache in the tub and now the guys obviously changed his you know
whatever intel you had on them earlier this guy shaved his hair this guy's
changing the game up you know he could have died his skin you know you could be
looking for somebody who's jaundice next month I mean who knows but I think one
way to do it here's how I would do it because obviously this dude does drugs
or whatever and if you're willing to hide in somebody's house if you're willing
to be out there to stray Goldilocks and or if male Goldilocks mean that's the
set the here's what I would do I would stand against the wall young lady and I
would just start counting I would put my hands my face I'm like one two and I
think maybe it'll then though then maybe they'll think it's a game or maybe to
stand in the living room like you know what I can't find you I can't find you I
don't know how do you but it's crazy put a little trap out you know here's a way
to find out if the man is thinking of anything sexual if it's a rapist or not
get your little mousetrap put a little condom on it and if he you know if you
hear that thing pop off at night you know a you called him in B he's a rapist
baby so but I wish you well it's sad to see that men are now the Goldilocks in
America you know you got this lady out here kind of got that t-pain vibe and
you got men out here Goldilocks but that's God's plan baby and that's where
we are praise God baby and thank you guys I found that one out there that
video we got some other ones that came in from from our listeners I want to
thank you guys for hitting the hotline as always I'm getting excited about this
tour I'm gonna figure that out I'm also I'm gonna take a I'm gonna take a little
bit of time and go to a look do a little bit of like a retreat and do some just
deal with some try and deal with some stuff I've been dealing with you know
over the past year I've talked about it maybe a year and a half even I've just
really been dealing with some anger issues you know and I'm not trying to be
a Debbie Downer but it's affected a lot of the way that I communicate and that I
feel and it's affected the amount of joy and stuff that I'm having in my life and
so I want to be a little bit more proactive and so I'm gonna just see
about maybe 10 days or something you know and it's nothing where they're
electrocute near something you know it's nothing where they beat near anything
or I'm a stodden people or anything it's real I think it's just gonna be an
organized thing where you can kind of focus and so that's what that's what
I'm excited about I'm I'm trying to stay excited you know I literally have to
commit to a pull to a spot when I get off of the podcast today and so I'm a
little scared I guess so I think my my biggest thing is do I really want to
feel better sometimes you know sometimes it's like do I really want to feel
better and I'm not saying that as a downer I'm not trying to bring anybody
down like this podcast isn't about bringing anybody down but I damn I
sometimes I just I want to I have to be able to share what I'm thinking or feeling
and yeah you know I'm just so hard on myself all the time I just want to start
to figure what I have to have to find some you know I want to do some excavating
there and just see what's going on and at the same time keep moving forward you
know my mother sometimes talks to me about well don't sit in the past you
know don't sit in the past and some of that is super true you know but it's
all sometimes it's also hard to really you know I notice whatever things from
my past are affecting me from having like committed relationships you know
feeling okay being willing to dance at weddings I don't like doing that
honestly I've been so scared about dancing in a wedding sometimes I wish
that somebody will stand up during the nuptials or whatever and say and
protest so at least we won't have to dance you know so yeah I don't know but
I'm hopeful and and everything's fine I'm not like in a bad place I'm actually
in an okay place but I want to take us some time and just kind of see what's
going on and I have a little bit of time have a little bit of space and so I'm
thankful to God that I have this a little bit of space in my life where I can
kind of investigate and then I can share with you whatever I'm seeing or
thinking you know and and that really feels like a gift and thank you guys
for your support man so many supportive people you know and I want to be able to
do I want to be able to be a part of like a some solution in the world you know
and I don't know what that means exactly but I think you know it's like I think
we're in a weird place in society where we realize maybe that all these things
we're getting aren't really they're great and they're cool and it's nice to
have successes but if we don't have a bigger feeling of success inside of
ourself or comfort you know it's almost like it's almost like an awakening in
a way where we realize oh there's got to be more out there than this box set of
wherever or this me on these subscription you know or these two you
know 12 you know these 24 inch speakers so anyway I don't know you know me man
I'm always fucking hitchhiking out here inside of my own heart so gang baby and
that's okay that's who I am bro I'm a sensitive fellow man but I'm also a bad
MF for dog you know what I'm saying dude and I'll fucking hog tie your cousin
dog and remodel that dude's fucking lips fan praise God bro don't even try me
dude I'll restack your spine baby call me Jimmy Janga dude and I'll give you that
slip disc yeah so don't even put it past me
what else is going on a lot of good calls that came in and a lot of great
people involved with this podcast man and you know one of the things I noticed
over the year over the past year and a half is sometimes when I listen to people
I can't hear them as good like I can hear them but I used to be able to hear them
and feel them and I miss that man you know I miss that and I don't know what
inside of me is making me uncomfortable you know we're making me but when I
hear when I see people or I hear people and somebody's talking and they're
sharing something that's important to them and I want to be able to hear it
and feel it and and yeah I just I want to be able to do that and and I don't know
and it's just important to me you know it's important to me yeah so that's okay
you know this is this a journey that I'm on and I'm grateful to be on it you know
that's another thing I do believe that my higher power has like a plan for me
that's that means something and for you too I do believe there's a reason that
we're all right here listening to this right now because I can feel you listening
to you know and yeah I don't know man I don't know but praise God brought PTL
baby you know that baby get in there it's so funny I weirded in a show the
other night and thank you to everybody that came out there in Los Angeles the
other night and we had a fun show and this guy stands up in the back man and
this fella and he's like let's go people are all excited but it's so weird at a
comedy show there's nothing to do it's like we're all fired up but there's
nothing to do you know except like sit back down and listen so it's just the
weirdest dichotomy man it's a weird or whatever they call it did dichotomy
dichotomy one or the other oh I got this bad smoothie damn oh my god oh is it
is this a in at this this thing has a real enema type feel to it I wash it
down with some liquid death you know that dude I've been watching that softball
let's go boy I've been watching softball dude am I a lesbian oh my gosh I've been
watching that s-ball baby a lot of thicky-thicks out there with them sticky
sticks you know that dang I mean you could see I wish you kind of knew the
menstrual cycle of the teams you were like oh okay these these girls they got
a little grudge they got that grudge it would be like a grudge flow factor
okay you know they showed like the moon the moon going whatever you know these
girls are half moon and over here and these bitches is Wolverine and over
here but my god you know I just love watching it I love watching the softball
man I like seeing them thighs I like stalking the girls on Instagram I like
doing it all you know you're with your girl she's like what are you doing on
your phone like I don't know JMU just hit a homer you know you just getting in
there man and these girl and dude what one thing that's interesting to the
crowd at the softball game is you could hear all these chirpers a lot of women
out there not a lot of not a lot of fear not a lot of you know a lot of real bird
on bird action a lot of ladies that like to uh you know what I'm saying this
Taco Tuesday four days a week you know what I'm saying you know what I'm
saying you know what I'm saying ah I'm downstairs you know what I'm saying you
know what I'm saying so yeah it's just fun to guess like who's really you know
out there wallet hopping you see some of the ladies you know in the stands and
they just really mmm those biscuit friskers you know what I'm saying these
ladies out there they just checking wallet on a lot of these girls and but
it's all beautiful man it's all love you know and happy gay pride and it's a man
I just damn love softball and the girl Montana fouts through a dam all
unlimited strikeouts or whatever it's called like Jeepers you know and it's
just funny you see they are everybody out there they doing it and you see in the
distance you know big Tiffany's in the distance and she's stunting like my
daddy you know what I'm saying she got some you know she's just out there
manny freshened and it's just really god it's good man I mean what a and it's
just fun to watch you know it just there's a lot of action in those games
there's a lot of like excitement by the ladies whereas the guys there so it's a
little more too cool for school a lot of time with the guys you know it's all
tobacco and spitting and you know or gum or whatever but the ladies there they
they got the cheers and the chance and them they're doing it all and they're
touching tits I mean I saw two of them jump up in the air and just damn touch
tits brother you know whoo whoo I don't the image they'll jump start a civic
baby with them milk knuckles baby let's go and here's one here's one right here
this is a thank you for sending this in this is naked woman destroys out back
that is great for my heart man first of all first of all lady you in here we
just got restaurants open lady we just got them open and you know hard it is to
get anything imported right now huh and you out here at Outback okay you out
here at the Australian what is it called Center of Teamwork you're out here at
the Australian Consulate in wherever this is Buffalo New York and you can't
handle yourself this is why we can't have nice things look at her oh and she's
naked look at this you don't bring a blooming onion to a blooming onion honey
okay good Christ oh and the guy asked he said look this is the worst part about
having to work at a corporate thing he goes ma'am please and she don't get it
she don't get it little Tiffany can't tighten up for one minute she's out here
showing that slick wallet to everybody at the dang Outback my my favorite part
there's a woman waiting in the distance there's a woman there's a woman
waiting to be seated still in the foyer she's gonna stay and ride it out she's
like you know I drove over here I'm gonna still see if they can get me in
oh and you can see a little bit of booty right there damn boy oh shoddy got
that back smile now here comes officer baby let's go oh yeah oh this is like
CSI Australia dude this is it she's throwing stuff at this cop what and I
want to apologize to Australian man we you know we better than this we better
than this she just told the cop when I'm at a club that she is treated a certain
type of way well bitch this is Australia okay and your little woke-ass about to
go to sleep
and he he freaking he let her up baby
that's that December 25th baby he gave her that frickin that pistol Christmas
daddy you feel me she got tased up you can see her just hit them kookaburra
wings dog whoo that's what you get that's what you get ladies when your dad
doesn't you know kind of teach you how to do stuff properly and right there and
that's probably addiction right there as well but shout out Australia man we
love you guys and you know with that's not us that's that bitch and we ain't her
so I love you guys and I can't wait to get back over to Australia I'm sorry
about everything with that lady dang boy he gave her that signature sampler boy
and she broke all that dish where we just got restaurants open and this is
what you do I hope they sprayed at broad down with COVID here's one other that
came in jollybee faces backlash after a customer receives deep-fried towel
instead of fried chicken Philippine fast food chain jollybee jollybee is facing
backlash after a customer allegedly received a deep-fried towel instead of
its famous crispy fried chicken you know people say they want to eat clean but do
they really want to eat clean that's really all I got out on that what else
we got here man some other nice things that came in let me get to a question
from one of you guys and thank you for it here we go oh yeah out there near
root near Red Wing man and Red Wing is definitely that's that menstrual cycle
bird you know what I'm saying baby when you actually dip it we actually dip in
a slip one time when she's taking off and then you know you you know it's a
little bit of a you can have a little bit of a turbulence on the course baby
when you got that heavy wing a little bit ironed out and also having that area
where you live is or where you are that's where Billy Valens died Richie
Valens and the big bopper they died over there in that plane crash a lot of people
don't remember that but the movie La Bamba and hate to spoil the ending but they
died there and kind of on the Iowa Minnesota border around there and I
believe it's down near where you are what else we got onward Evan thank you
apples here right off the old mighty Mississippi River looking for some advice
for me you know I've been seeing this girl for a few months and she took off
today for basic training for the for the military she's gonna be in the national
guards and you know I know I'm gonna have some downtime I'm gonna you know be
kind of bumming or whatever but I you know I go fishing a lot maybe that might
be my way to kind of online and get my mind off things but I just kind of
looking like what you've done maybe if it's been like a long-distance
relationship or just knowing you're gonna be away from someone you care about
for a long time how you kind of dealt with that cuz you know it's only three
months and they'll end you know it's not that bad but there's no way for me to
communicate with her but letters you know you can't talk to him on the
cell phone or nothing but I'm I just kind of reaching out to you man looking
for for kind of your wisdom or your advice on the topic if you have an
experience well thank you man you know I've long cheated on every woman I've
ever dated and been a you know been a real dirt diver over there you know I run
across the yard to smell something that's the kind of animal I am but um but I
have had some moments when I was in love also where I behaved as a as a as a lover
you know I mean and you can be two things you know you can be someone who's
loving and caring you can also be at the same time someone who has in a you
know an affliction and really gives into those dark arts of touch and titty you
know of reaching for that third top when your lady's already got to you know or
reaching for that second handrail when your man's already weaned up and um and
you know I used to do some nice things man I remember I gave this girl a nice
box of like candies and different things like you know kind of like I don't
remember like I do remember but I'm just ashamed to say I made like a nice buy I
had like all these like little fires in it and like it was like you know I got
the hots for you and it had some red hots in that bitch and a little fire
engine little Clifford the dog little tickle me Alma you know had a gauze kit
for like a burn victim type of thing in there had some aloe vera in there
everything you know picture of a skin graft surgery or something that I printed
back when the printer ink it was like you know you got you put you printed one
thing and you had to go get get a new ink and your dad was pissed and your step
dad was also pissed dude and he wasn't even really a step dad he was a man
letting you live at his home but uh I think do be sweet you know it's funny
because I was just talking in the beginning now about how there's no
connection there's no ability to be a storyteller this is a chance for you to
be that you know whether this relationship works out or not which I hope
it does and thank your lady for her service but this is a chance for you
to I don't know explore how you feel about when she is gone you know how you
make me feel like this you know or this is some things I think about and also
try to have some respect for yourself and not overdo it you know you don't need
to write every day that's too much of responsibility you know but it sounds
like you guys have a pretty good foundation you don't sound really
concerned about that you just sound like you're just thinking about how to
handle it and what I've done man is yeah just done some nice things try to do
some thoughtful things you know try to like include sometimes her family or
something in you know make like a nice little deal for send it yeah it's a
different time now we're the Goldilocks you know a lot of men's are at home and
women out there doing electricity and doing you know working at the blood
bank or whatever so but I just think it's nice that you even care bro that's
nice a lot of people be like damn I hope they send this girl to fight in Iraq
because I'm ready for a break you know so I think it's beautiful just for us to
take that moment to see that you care Evan and yeah I think it's this is also a
good opportunity for you to do some things you want to do that you don't
have that time when you have that that that immediate constant day-to-day
connection you know it's hard to get your hands dirty if you got a high five
somebody every day with a clean hand so this is a chance for you to maybe do
something new learn how to do a cheese or something a Gruyere you know learn how
to prove alone you feel me by yourself you know you can learn how to bake or
learn how to shuffle or learn how to do magic a lot of shit you could do praise
God baby good luck over there man I think you got it I think you can do just fine
man but don't just take care of her also take care of you what else we got here
we go Kevin from Houston I wanted to let you know about a encounter I had with
a fellow this past weekend enthusiast so I'm a past technician and my last stop of
the day it was born rain and Houston really didn't want to do it I could have
called called out and not like the rain but I thought you know let me just see
what the problem is you know I want to take care of it if you need me to take
care of it I like that you know there's I went to a restaurant the other day they
said they can't even find any workers right now at the restaurant and people
only want to work so anybody that's doing a job man I commend you thanks Kevin
onward and we got a lot of past problems and it sounds like the dude had one of
the ultimate past baby Theo Vaughn gang and what do I see but a Theo Vaughn dark
arts to her shirt and I stopped missing because it doesn't matter what I was
saying before I was like dude I love Theo Vaughn and he stuck that little hand
out a little fist and he goes gang and I gotta tell you that made my entire day
I just want to let you know you're affecting people everywhere from from
coming to the Houston so keep it up man gang Kevin thank you man thanks for
sharing that dude that's awesome and if that guy hasn't paid his bill yet man
will you please call into the hotline I'm gonna see if we can't pay that pass
control man because you know that dude has it he probably he's infested with the
dark arts baby if he's got that if he's got that tour shirt sitting there I'm
gonna tell you about this man fiverr if you haven't used this this is a very
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you know I'd probably do some spray painting or something some light graffiti
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banana I get a new logo for this past week and help us divide to design some
t-shirts I would do different things like that and I find more I find ways to
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you know what let's hit a win that came out today
let's hit a win
we want to get some wins on the board man and uh...
and let's hear one right here here we go
howdy man uh... this is a little cross between a
a big big
win and a little bit of tip tip
for you you know you're talking about how you you think about settling down
and be getting something going
well work for me man i was
throughout my twenties and like my you know late teens and all
that i was party and look for the weekend and even realize it just kind of
and i wasn't
i wasn't fine in the meeting you know i thought i would find it there and
and i was and i would happen for me was i was getting lots of girls
but not the girl the girl would always
the uh... i just couldn't get her she would never be interested in me the way
i would look like obsessed with her i fall in love with these girls and
they'd never go from a good looking guy man trust me over the phone but trust
me i had all the other girls
but it was expected you sound decent
this margin was just like no i'm only the brother praise god happy pride but
also in age
i think that you get what you put in
you get
in what you put out
and so i thought i changed my way that i actually found christ uh...
but you know him more people act up act up and
what do you know like exactly what i dreamed up film out in my lap and lots
and so amazing ever since we're married now
we're talking about kids and all man
i pray for you man i pray that you get the happiness that uh... i get
experience in
thank you brother appreciate that man
yeah i mean look at if you if you even look at the first chapter of the lords
uh...
novella
if you look at that first chapter you know
he had him
two people blind dated a damn olive garden dude
in the olive garden of eden baby two people ebd them
he blind dated him right there damn
lady orders apples right out of the gate and shit goes haywire
and somebody damn them and there's a snake on the premises you know and they
got a
call them pest control and
you know in the two guys in a realizing that the ovan fans there but
uh...
but no i appreciate it man you know in and uh...
yeah i i just
you know it's funny i i i want different things in my life and but it's
i'm also comfortable
and man we may it's it's it all makes things so comfortable these days
you know it's just like a damn people just serving comfort caves
and i'm just in there i'm just sitting here about you know between two boulders
with a with a met with a book of matches
we make it so comfortable each person separate comfortable
sedate
all you got a sexual feeling jerk out
spot you know bust out
all you got this guy don't worry here's this
you got a headache you got a tickle
are you ticklish i saw a pill yesterday online are you ticklish
didn't get this pill you shouldn't have to live that way
what
what way
shouldn't
you have to live
in laughter
it is a battle
it is a war
but i appreciate you man you're right and it takes effort in it takes a
adjustment nothing changes
if nothing changes
you know what we do what we can hear in uh... and uh...
you know let's keep it moving here and let's let's let's let's
you know keep the light where it is and that's moving forward
in front of us
uh...
if you're struggling out there may know that i love you
and know that you are loved
and sometimes people are reaching for you and you got a you got a you got to
put your hand
you know you don't you don't have to meet him halfway but some of you got to
meet him at least
five percent of way
you know and you can do it
you can do it
thank you guys for being a part of my life and uh... and i want to say you know
we do we can hear that to be a pop up positive thing in the world and
we got a single mom uh... nomination that came in right here let's get to it
a few hours out of here south mississippi
man i have a single mother i'd like to select her name is jenice abedra
she just went through her second round of chemo i believe she's battling cancer
she has a sweet little boy man and she's sweet herself and she's just been
heavy on my heart and mind so i thought why not submit
a video
man if you're seeing this love your brother thanks for all you do
love the show gang gang baby
gang baby there you go and that man is up there you can see that man does uh...
he got the hard hat on he might be a damn
i mean he could be
coal miner doing a
hell he could be doing an industrial microwave he can do it industrial size
microwave i could
i do could be have a boat or be
cooking up the damn biggest uh... tostito
pizza roll you've ever seen
you know you just don't know what a lot of these people are doing nowadays but
let's see if we can get jenay on the line here man
and yeah thanks for the submission and for brightening up my day man
as always you can submit things through the ovan dot com
uh... videos for us to talk about to discuss things you've recorded
uh... single mom nominations uh...
questions you want to have possibly on the show anything like that
uh...
hello
hey jenay
hey can you hear me
i can hear you
hey um... my name is theo i just work on a podcast uh... and we do a thing where
some of our listeners sometimes will call in
uh... and
they want to suggest like a single mom that they know who is
who just who they really admire
so we had a guy named alec call in and i don't know if he works at like a
carnival or he might do like railroad work or something but he um...
he uh... nominated you and so we just wanted to send you a thousand dollars
to do something fun with your kiddo
uh...
thank you so much
you're very welcome uh...
you said what have you been up to what's going on with you right now in your
world
uh... currently uh... i'm at home i was diagnosed with uh... hodgkins lymphoma
no is it hard is it scary
it was scary it was well the way i kind of found out about it was by accident
uh...
so at that point it was stage two so it wasn't
wasn't as bad as what it could have been but um...
but i've been going through chemotherapy and uh... may sevens is when i have my
last uh... pet scan and so that will show
kind of how much cancer is still there if there's any there
and the scan showed that there was nothing there
i still have to go through treatment though and then um...
also when i found out that i had cancer um...
found out that i have
bells palsy too so i don't know if you can tell like the right side of my face is
just temporarily paralyzed
really is no telling when
that will self correct itself but um...
but yes in march i just been kind of staying
uh... at home and i haven't really been able to work because my uh...
my white cell count is really low and i'm more susceptible to
you know getting sick easier so i'm more at risk especially
with covid and all that stuff uh...
they want me to stay at home
and how are you able to stay positive during this like what's what some of
that been like if you don't mind sharing some of that
well i have a really awesome group of people
my family
uh... they have been
you know the people that helped me get through each and every day
it's been a blessing really to have those people in my life
without them i couldn't have gotten as far as i am now
for sure
yeah what is that like like how much does that influence you know or affect you
you feel like like what is
like what are some things that people do that that really kind of let you know
that
you have support
um... you know i've had people text me um...
you know single mom like i have my son brent
you know does brent need anything do you need to pick him up from school do you
need to
you know make dinner for you or is there anything that i can do that can help
you know your day to day
um... that's been a really you know big help in my life is just knowing that i
have people out there
that are willing to take time out of their day to help me
yeah
it's big it's so important people just knowing that other people care about
them you know
right exactly it's a big thing
uh... my friend at bell's paulsy dude actually it was pretty
yeah i mean not to say it was cool but i was kind of admired it i like things
that are a little different so
he uh...
i don't think it's cool i'm so over it it's been like three months but really
what does it feel like can you whistle
no i can't whistle i can't
i really can't
it's it's crazy um i can barely drink through a straw like it's just
i don't know it's weird
does it feel like is it almost feel like when you're at the dentist actually and
they kind of give you that stuff wow
yeah it does um sometimes i like if i use that muscle a lot it'll kind of
tingle a little bit
like it feels like it's it's wanting to do something but it it just can't i don't
know it's really weird i've never had that feeling before
uh... yeah
i've definitely uh...
i've definitely wanted to do things but not been able to do them but um...
dang
uh... so what about your son so he goes to school
yeah well right now he's uh... he's in like pre-k he goes to daycare but he'll
start kindergarten uh... in the fall
pre-k is pretty easy i think
yeah oh yeah yeah
he's doing good
is he
yeah he's doing real well
oh that's nice
um...
well
uh... yeah we just wanted to say hey and let you know we we just want to be a
part of uh... something positive in your day today and your friend alex really
cares about you and uh...
and yeah we're just going to be cheering you on and when do you get that next
uh... p-e-t scan
that i'm not sure uh... we're kind of just doing it
um
by ear we're just playing it by ear right now so i'll go back to the oncologist
next Tuesday
and depending on uh... how my blood level looks and my blood work
looks
uh... it'll determine whether or not they will continue with treatment or not
uh... but my oncologist has to make that call but once i'm
done with the chemo treatments they tell me i have treatments left
uh...
and then i'll get another scan but we'll just have to see so it could be could be
soon i don't know
that's cool they got them dogs now they can smell cancer they said but i don't
know if i trust them
i don't know i don't know
yeah you could just have a damn beef jerky in your pocket and next thing you
know you test positive you know
i have cats too so they can probably smell the cat and then mistake it for you
the cat but
yeah next thing you know you in treatment and it's just because you a pet owner
you know
exactly
yeah that seems like a little bit unnecessary but
well look when that bell's wears off you send us a picture of you with a full
smile how about that
awesome i sure will thank you so much
oh you bet and go do something fun with brint and uh... and you have a good day
we love you
thank y'all thank y'all so much yep bye-bye
and i
and there you go right there
you know
nice to see a young lady stand so positive man that's a thing
you know
that lady she's out there she got
she can't even do a full smile for a kid right now part of her face is taking a
you know the summer off or whatever
and she's got to do
you know
she just getting it done
and that's pretty positive thank you guys for being here with me today you know
what i'm saying i'm upstairs if you need me baby
you know where i'll be
you know
i'm gonna be just keeping on going on
you know i did some treadmill and earlier and
i saw a damn bluebird this morning
so i know the lords got my bag baby and i'm out there
and i'm out there baby you know that i'm about to roll my quads out with a quad
roller
and really i got them jostles up in my damn
thighs make me down i just feel so damn thoughty
you know i
god
but
uh thank everybody for being a part of uh this episode i want to thank our uh
our sponsor liquid death i want to thank you
you know we'll make sure that we have episodes coming up even if i am out of
town we're gonna make some this weekend uh with some
neat guests uh really excited about it
and uh yeah that's all you know be good to yourself
um
you know you deserve it uh and be good to each other man we try
god i want to you know i'll get in a place where i just gotten angry
sometimes and i want to just be better i want to be better at it
so and i don't think i'm being hard on myself i want to
this is it this is the rodeo dog you know
and i want to freaking know the whole cattle you know that
uh we had this this uh there's a gentleman akira the don
and he's a music man and uh he made this
he took a piece of a podcast and has made some uh different
different things and one of them is uh this right there called i can't make you
like me and um and it's from pieces of old uh from this
past weekend and and thank you to everybody
uh thank you to those two fellows that met up and in a in a pest infested
living room to fist bump uh thank you to everybody
that's ever you know been to a hot tub and seen somebody who was pretending to
be a child but was probably an adult
you know masturbate out into the water you know thank you to everybody who
loves people and if it's hard for you to love
man i i know how you feel um
and just know that you're not alone baby gang we got this