This Past Weekend - E353 Shane Gillis

Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by liquid death Drink up today's guest is a tall man, and he's a comedian as well He was semi recently affected by cancel culture Over at Saturday Night Live. He is a co-host of Matt and Shane's secret podcast with his partner Just friend Matt McCusker today's guest is comedian who I met last night mr. Shane Gillis You How you feeling bro me yeah, I feel pretty good man

Starting point is 00:01:04 I think I was just trying to think it earlier about how I'm feeling I think sometimes for me It's like I have to think about how I'm feeling. Yeah for sure It's like I think some people can just are just feeling you know yeah It's like we need to press You got to like figure it out because when you're depressed you don't like know you're depressed You're just kind of like Tired. Yeah, I don't feel like doing anything. Yeah, it takes some time. Yeah, people like why are you at this animal shelter? You're like, I don't know. I just want to say goodbye to these guys

Starting point is 00:01:32 Yeah, I don't know what it is. I just want to say goodbye to all these cats. Yeah Hey, I just I don't even know them, but I miss them Yeah, man, thanks for thanks for letting me get up last night was cool. Oh, yeah, I was happy about it I was a good crowd in there. They were I was a little I was a little like I couldn't figure them out at first is a weird Nashville You know there's certain states where They're like Austin or Nashville are like Richmond was like that where it's like aren't you guys supposed to be like fucking Hicks Oh, and then they're like ultra liberal or like not ultra liberal, but they're like, no, we're not Hicks, right? We care. Yeah, and then they over you know, I think we requires this on. Yeah, it can be good. Okay, um

Starting point is 00:02:15 I wasn't sure. I you know, I do think it's funny to find like a real country audience like I my audience isn't like a real country audience Do you feel what is your audience? Do you I was trying to gauge it from the stage last? Yeah, you don't know a man You really don't know a community walk into like it's like putting on his pants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Do you walk seven minutes in his audience? I don't know. I don't really have it's new the audience thing So it's mostly it's just podcast guys, right fans like that. Yeah, for sure Yeah, you had there was one girl there who was like, I felt like she was not even looking at the stage He was kind of looking the other like she was kind of sitting to the side. Where was she at over to the right? Yeah, I remember her and she for me and I hated me. She

Starting point is 00:02:56 She hated me start to finish hated me and I hated her for it. Oh, everyone's why I look at her Me like what the fuck? What are you doing? Isn't that crazy? Would you do this? She like it was mad. Yes. I think that's what I'm glad she was mad during your set Yeah, oh, she was she was mad. I must I didn't even Ari Because Ari Manis was there and he went up before kind of a bigger lady, right? She was more a little more Ruben nest Yeah, kind of like More like a rodin pain here and like a rodin. Can you bring up rodin pain? I think anyway Yes

Starting point is 00:03:30 But yeah, that was I was like, okay. This is these are Shane's these are Shane's bad girls out here Yeah, you think I got the yeah, she almost had a goth appearance. She's pale She was a little bit R.O.D. I in brother. Oh, that's Larry rodin Who is also apparently a good artist out of somewhere. Yeah, it looks good Yeah There's that blob to the right Recognize that lady

Starting point is 00:04:02 dude, I used to go and I was in a School some type of school I would go to the library and look at all of the That was all my pornography is what I would look at it was that kind of Heavily bro, I remember going in there and I would get going Oh, I would get erect and then I would put my erection into the book where In the library right like up near the shelves and close it as hard as I put on my penis So you were like tributing

Starting point is 00:04:30 Renaissance paintings. I was yeah, I mean I was into like and I remember I'd go to the certain section and be back there It was dicey. It's crazy. I never really thought about that. I went through this whole Little deal to do that. That's a lot. It is a lot. That's a lot. It's crazy. You did that. It is crazy You're sticking a book Books and smash it not putting them in I would open the book I like the book was I'm not saying the book was asking for it, but yes But I would do that man. I would just like The book was willing to be a part of it. Yeah, I was probably

Starting point is 00:05:04 13 maybe yeah, this feels like a seventh grade. Yeah, just something. Yeah, I think it was just like I Think I just wanted to I don't know if I wanted to meet a woman from the past or if I Was just that's how I could see pornography You wanted a woman from the past you think maybe I don't know. I'm just trying to think of why would I've done that? You know dick it feels good to smash your dick into things. Yeah, that too, and they were naked ladies Yeah, it could have porn back then was Impossible and if you could score some porn in school. Yeah, that's dude. I would look at like the science book Yeah, like a skinless woman and I'd be like nice. Yeah, like you see your pussy. You can see the inside of her

Starting point is 00:05:46 workings So you just made into the drawing. Oh, bro. Give me a biology book. Oh, oh Yeah, I remember two moons in a clips and I remember thinking it was like brass You remember how hot like Disgusting teachers were to you. Oh, man. I remember. Yeah, who was your hot one? Who was your hot tea? We had a lady that had giant tits, but she must have been she literally must have been 65 70 years old Wow, but we were all like, dude What would you give to just titty fuck this lady?

Starting point is 00:06:28 Seventh graders that's the dark arts and that's what 9-11 happened She was the lady who broke the news to me about 9-11. No way giant tits lady I couldn't I remember when I was young if a teacher it was hot I couldn't even hear them when they were talking to me I think that's one of the reasons why I did it why I had trouble learning it sometime in certain classes because It's like once they open I hear anything. Yeah, you were in the library smashing your dick in the books You're not gonna learn anything. You're not gonna. There's no chance you're learning. Yeah, that's true Somebody should have got a hold of you and stopped you. Yeah, that would have helped

Starting point is 00:06:59 I was at the library for so many hours. I think at some point I had to do that. It's real bookworm. Yeah This gets literally study it hard. He's really I don't know how he's feeling. He's literally warming these books over here Oh, and I and I would and I always had a I was oh, we'll have to drink these. Yeah, we can drink these men That's sparkling. Do you mind sparkling water flat? I thought this was Water Liquid death water. Yeah Where's this stuff from Flint? I don't know probably Yeah, how is this liquid death the water sanctioned water of Flint

Starting point is 00:07:38 They're having a tough time. Oh Wow But dude nice to meet you last night. Thanks for thanks for letting us get up man. Yeah Um, we took we kind of talked a little bit briefly about a way to question. What is this one, Sean? Hi, dear My name is Joe and I'm a big fan from little old England enjoying my bath and I have a question for Shane

Starting point is 00:08:04 Um, what is his opinion on age gap relationships? Still seems to be okay for the younger woman and the older guy, but not so much the other way around Wow that could be one of that's somebody's school teacher. She's in the bath. That's a British ASMR in a bathtub Yeah, she's asking me about what how I feel about older women. Yeah, what do you bring me down here to make me come? Dude, no, you try to get me hard. Was this a setup? No, I'll never do anything like that Huh? No, I'm not you invite me over you put on some ASMR. Give me fucking rock hard. Give me some water Jerk off on this podcast Question no we feel about older ladies. I've never I've never seen that question. I never seen that woman

Starting point is 00:08:58 I'm glad she's staying clean. I don't know that lady She's attractive. Obviously. I think she's attractive. Look at the suds on her chest a little I didn't notice that before But no, we didn't bring you down here to get anything out of you, man That all I mean, it's have some information. I guess what if you just masturbated on the mic and just left Now I agree I think yeah, have you been a yeah, is that have been a ever you older Women I've been with older women. I like it. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Yeah, why not? You guys want to talk a lot of people when they see me they want to learn about my sexuality really I'm a real Yeah, they want to ask me about that politics. You look to me like a politician

Starting point is 00:09:41 I feel like and so everybody wants to know, you know, kind of what Bill Clinton's really into so I think you're the closest that I've ever gotten To me so far. I mean hide and style and like that. I Think yes older ladies. Yeah, sometimes when you're with like a young hot girl, you feel like I This is this is my job for this to go. Well. Yeah, but when you get an old slut a geezer slut That's right. Just let her fucking. Oh, I've never done that. Oh, what the hell lady? Oh, there's you know, I guess I yeah I don't know the hell you doing out there lady. I don't know. Oh, yeah They really know how to pickle the onions, you know, they do yeah lady press my gooch. Oh, wow

Starting point is 00:10:26 I'm gonna my taint to fire me up a little. Oh My god Rooms going crazy Yeah, and that's yeah, that's our Uh producer Riley now, he's never even masturbated in his life, which is true. Who is that Riley that you've never masturbated? Give it a shot. No, no, no, you can't do he's like it's too late. No, no, he no, it's not too I don't think it's too late. I don't know. Hopefully he can I don't know. He might have autism I don't even know him that well. He's a great great guy and I'm glad that he's here

Starting point is 00:10:59 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up. It just kind of fell in the conversation that and are you doing okay, Riley? There you go. You just never masturbate He's really he's that part of a religious group and they don't do it. Yeah, how relate what type of religion? I'm still firing off. He's with you. You're more of a Hester Yeah, yeah, I was a Catholic and they would talk to you about coming. Oh, okay. Oh That's a priest asked me about you. You grew up Catholic, right? Oh, no, we were like six Baptist that thing. Oh, okay Do you ever get any guys talking to you about come?

Starting point is 00:11:41 We had a Professor I guess or two. I think it then it was a teacher, you know, yeah, and he would drew I remember he drew a picture of a weiner ejaculating Well chalkboard and it was he like kind of described like he told us what the feelings would be like We wouldn't be able to handle it and stuff and then he drew it like He drew the the rose. Yeah, the ejaculate just

Starting point is 00:12:09 Coming out. It was really insane. Was he like mm-hmm Making the noise with it. I remember he I do remember he was one of those double chalkboard comes big I Remember he would put the marker on the board and then walk It was pretty crazy, man, and he wore the shortest shorts to he died man, Willie I think Derek Usner was his name or something and I think his son might have died, but he died, but Son died too. I'm pretty sure. I don't want to say that, but I'm pretty sure

Starting point is 00:12:42 And he had the biggest mustache like I don't his words like I felt like his word a big mustache And he's talking oh, bro. His mustache came over both lips. So it was like The words couldn't even some of the words you just had to guess what they were people thought he was Some people thought he was black people know what was going on We just couldn't understand what he was talking about it was great, you know, it's just different times And But yeah, I've never really had an experience really old with the older woman, so I haven't had that experience It's nice. Is it you just let them go

Starting point is 00:13:21 The yeah, dude, I remember one time this one girl was so hot I felt like I was afraid even go in the same room with her. Yeah for sure. So girls. Yeah I think with regular like, you know Legally aged women it can get a little bit diced here, but yeah, I guess if you have an older lady You're kind of the little yeah, the little now you're the meal. Yeah feels nice to be a snack sometime You know I'm talking about so you don't beat off. This is crazy. We're just skimming past it never once in your life How old are you 23? All right, you got time You're gonna get one off

Starting point is 00:13:55 Promise I promise you're gonna go dude. I'll pat him on the back hard enough Sorry brother, and I don't want to say that kind of stuff in front of I you know I'm not trying to I'm trying not to jerk off and he doesn't so it's You know, it's interesting. How many times do you mind if I ask you about do you have wet dreams a lot? I don't That's crazy. What do you what happens rather? Do you? Yeah, but you're saving yourself for a lady first to talk about this or no, we're fine Okay about talking about guys coming All right

Starting point is 00:14:30 what uh Do you have a lot of sensations in your body rally? Not really Ask about sensations Can we even hear Raleigh, so do we have a mic? We have do you have a lot of sensations in your body, Raleigh? Not really. Are you serious man? Yeah You have no feelings I didn't know this brother

Starting point is 00:15:03 Don't you get hurt? Have you had felt have you felt pain physically pain physical? What kind of physical pain like you ever break a bone or anything? No, you ever get a cut. I've got cuts What do you have that when you get cut? I don't know. I put a put a band-aid on but does anything come is it come out? Blood yeah, all right, but but you're okay there Well, you don't have like a that you don't have a birth defect or something. I don't okay That's what I was concerned with if you don't have any so it's like your body is No, no, I don't so you get erection, right? Okay, and what do you do when you do do you go outside?

Starting point is 00:15:42 Do you put your hands in like a Do you just calm down? I just ignore it dang wow that is power, bro It's pretty impressive. That's power. Do you like the car Malone of your own? Yeah, bro. I mean that isn't rain, baby Yeah, wow, I mean That's wild man. Yeah, and I Yeah, I don't want to see I just want you to be I want you to be happy man Do you wish you never had never had come? No, yeah ejaculated There's never one part of me that wants that yeah having never I mean it'd be fun to experience it again for the first time

Starting point is 00:16:18 Yeah, that would be nice, but no, I'm proud. I'm proud of almost every one of them Almost across the board So you're in for a couple of years. Yeah, I don't have any problem with it You're trying not to jerk off. Yeah, I try not to I feel bad when I do for some reason it makes me feel It just goes away right away. Wow, like I don't feel My friends feel that way my friend Matt who I do my podcast with he's a big Like it's pigging out. Don't be gross. Don't jerk off like that. And is that geese? How do you say that keys keys? Mckiever, that's John Mckiever. That's a different. Okay. That's the sketch. Yeah, that's the sketch. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:17:02 Wow, well but yeah, that's I used to go into that library and And I liked in there and the lady this is a reason we were able to get away with it and I say we is just me But because the librarian was the largest woman in our town So there were some stacks some books actually couldn't even come down. So it was like it was great You could tell if she was coming to yeah commotion. Yeah, you see a shadow again You see a shadow. You know what I'm saying? There would be some sort of a vibe Like a kid would be quiet, you know

Starting point is 00:17:34 Remember that was the best thing about the library people. Yeah, it was fun shushing people. Yes doing it like as a dick Yeah, to yell and anybody that was had you got to show some it was like a That quiet place movie or yeah, or when it the best was when anybody got in trouble and you got to go My one friend used to like if you fucked with him at all he would scream Like if you like grab no something that's a get off for the last time Like you'd get you in trouble if you fucked up at all Oh, it's very funny. You can still do that as an adult. Yeah, you can you can get the fuck off. I told you Yeah, dude, that was fun being a kid like that was being a kid and when somebody's getting in trouble

Starting point is 00:18:19 Oh, man, there was so many little levels to it because you were free now. Yeah, someone else is in trouble So you can just be like Yeah, the teacher's got to be like everybody's settle but you're charging her up. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, yeah You are in trouble. Yeah, everyone knows you're fucked Dude, the worst is when you got in trouble. It was like such a defeating feeling you felt everybody's eyes were on you I would like cry because I'd have it because I'd get in trouble I'd be like, you know, my dad's gonna fuck me up for this. Yeah, he would never like actually fuck I'd get like slapped. Yeah, but I'd get in trouble in school a lot

Starting point is 00:18:55 And every time I'd be like dude, do you guys understand? I'm gonna get fucked up for this. Yeah, like stop giving me these detentions Yeah, for like farting. Yeah, I'm gonna get hit. Yeah, I'm gonna literally get hit for this And they had no problem with it. They were like, yeah, maybe you should stop for it. Yeah Our principal I remember we could still get beaten at school Oh, really? And I remember getting spanked by the man Bill Brady and I saw him at a funeral recently and He seemed like a nice guy. I was actually kind of glad he was a guy this time at the time I didn't know who he was as a as a kid. I didn't you can't look in his eyes and get an idea of him But as an adult I was able to just look in his eyes like oh man, you're at the funeral. Was it the come guys funeral?

Starting point is 00:19:32 Dick Troy. No No, no, it's not that guy man. Thank God funeral. Yeah, this guy. Yeah, this was a oh this fellow that passed though He had we'd been in a hot tub. I've told the story before I like every one of your stories. Yeah, I remember this as a kid now. He is since past Oh, yeah, he passed bro, but oh everybody dies man, but I know but He we the first time anybody ever ejaculated in our in our we were at a party and someone did it in a hot tub And none of us had ever seen it. Yeah, we didn't know about it. We didn't know you could do it. Yeah So this guy was erect under the water and he was doing like a remember Loch Ness monster the drawing

Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, it was like the coolest like the biggest most important thing Yeah, he kept doing that a little bit just Loch Ness and his wiener out the hot. That's very funny. It was pretty cool Man, yeah, especially at that age. We're done. He is since past. He is so alive this guy But at one point he was I guess pleasure himself. He leans up out of the water Start spraying out. Hmm. These other kid thought something was happening to him That was bad grabbed his penis to stop it from happening No, and the other the bigger kid in a punch in the kid But the kid that grabbed him the safety key punched the safety kid died

Starting point is 00:20:49 They say the kid who grabbed the penis. They got punched. Yeah, he is overdosed Yeah, he grabbed the he saw an ejaculating penis Because he didn't know he got bad. Yes something that he got punched to and died hell was fucking It's a terrible story. It's a tough life story Anyway, man, I didn't mean to get off in all that tangent. No, I'm glad you did. I like it. Oh Yeah, man, thanks for I like it. I like it man. I like hearing these stories. Oh, yeah, man That was an interesting one. Um, yeah, thanks for having us over there, man I know we talked about what it was like going on Rogan and just like the nervousness, you know

Starting point is 00:21:24 Because you've been in there. I mean, I haven't been in there in a few years So I didn't I forgot about that nervousness when you go in right when you walk in Yeah, cuz the whole time like I told you I was hanging out with him during the week and it was like, oh, he's the man Oh, yeah, this is he is the man and then you go in there. It's like, oh shit. I forgot that this is like This is a big deal. You know, he's like if Sasquatch were a real person, you know, it really is it really is Yeah, cuz I've been watching him and listening to him for Years, yeah, me and it's like holy shit. He is exactly who you think he is too, right? He really is exactly that guy. Yes. He really is not a different guy. He's like a library with a bow and arrow

Starting point is 00:22:03 I feel like you know, he's like He's just oh, I hear the information and the ability to like share it and then Yeah, he's fascinating. Yeah, and then you go in there. So what I haven't been to the new studio. Yeah So you go in there and what's it like? Yeah, you get tested for COVID all that stuff. Wow, and There's just guy. There's like it's just nice. Everybody's nice. Everybody's happy and you go in and It's yeah, that's it. How big is it like this? Yeah, it's like this. It's like this. Yeah, and you go in and it's But then I was up there and I was like, oh fuck. I'm bombing Well, you sit on the stool. Was there a back on the stool?

Starting point is 00:22:44 Do you remember sitting like a with nice posture? Yeah, I kind of look like a fucking I look like an idiot So I don't want a side angle of my slouched slug body while I'm talking to this guy Well, you have longer torso too. So you have more slouch. There's more of a Ability for you to slouch. You're more like you could have that kind of weeping willow. Yes, certainly So you have to really I have less posture You're funny. You make me laugh. Oh, thanks. Everything you say. It's funny. Oh, dude. No, I have Body-style. Yeah, you have more posture than sure. So I could imagine if I had to manage an extra foot of fucking posture I would choke myself out. It's truly killing me. Anyway on stage, especially on stage

Starting point is 00:23:28 I'm like this the whole time. No, really, bro. I literally especially because the crowd's down So I'm always if you see a side Shot of me doing stand-up. It looks fucking crazy. You can see I have a hump. I'm developing a hump like it's bad Maybe it's not great. I bought one of those fucking things that don't do this. Look at that one right there There it is. Look at that. That's like, yeah, it's like something crept It's all my failures. Oh, yeah, is there anything worse than googling your own image? Oh, it's not great It's not great stuff. You look nice though. Thanks, man. Hey handsome guy. We're having fun Dude, I wish I was taller you guys are so you crystal Lee of these tall guys George Wallace

Starting point is 00:24:14 The tall guys that can like hey, here's my arm. Yeah, it's like that ability. You're not there. You're not like small though I'm regular size. That's a nice It's not. Yeah, it doesn't do anything Would you rather be short or regular? No now you don't want to be a short guy. It was sad against anybody short You don't be a little guy. I don't think so. There's some things about being a little guy that I think are nice Yeah, I don't know you get to scurry. That's true. Yeah, you're always you're gonna live you're gonna live long Oh, yeah, you know, that's a great. I'm big. I'm dead soon I'm gonna be passed away. You're gonna be telling the story. You'd be like, yeah

Starting point is 00:24:54 Yeah, I had him on the podcast last week. He said it's passed away, but you know, yeah, we're talking come. Yeah. Oh, yeah We were man, you know, it's hard to talk to people in person. It's It's grueling sometimes. That's why you need mint mobile Yep After years of getting ripped off by big wireless And you know the hay are them fat cats AT&T Lonnie T. Marble all of them It's time that you need mint mobile. They have premium wireless service starting in just 15 bucks a month a

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Starting point is 00:28:09 Right, so this is literally nothing then. Yeah, it's just like any conversation you'd have with anybody But on the other side of the table, there's a dude that's like, this is it. This is my fucking thing I finally get to get my SNL story out to the whole public. Yeah. Here we go I started telling it and I was like in my head, you know when you're doing stand-up and you're bombing Yeah, you're just thinking oh and you're while you're telling your shitty jokes You're in your head like what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, that's how it felt like I was fully talking Oh, that's the worst. You know when you think you have a whole different conversation. Oh totally while you're going well What's going on?

Starting point is 00:28:41 Terrible. How do I look? What's going? The least I can do is look decent if I'm not gonna sound good. I looked foolish Should I've worn a hat? No, you looked fine, man. And then I'm updated. It's you did well Did he start off? Did you feel on cause I didn't feel I didn't have an idea. Yeah, it was just me It was my idea of how things would go. He didn't he didn't do anything wrong, you know He's just talking right, but he didn't know the other guy across the table was like No, I looked like I was like having a good time, but in my head I was like, oh, no So he had no idea yet. No, I then we get done. I'm like fuck. I blew it didn't I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I

Starting point is 00:29:23 Think I bet everybody says that to him. That's not like probably a sociopath or something. Yeah, you know Yeah, for sure, especially kind like especially. Oh, yeah going in as a comic that's under him You know, I mean like I'm a newer comic and I'm not gonna say anything to him that he's gonna be like Oh, wow, I never thought of it like that. You know, I mean there's nothing I can tell him about comedy, right? Which is all I that's the only thing we could talk about right, you know Yeah, man, there's nerves of like and then so I'm back. I'll get it back. I'll get one back Oh, you'll go back. Hopefully. Yeah, you will. Yeah next time. I'm coming in. Yeah. I like listen motherfucking Never make me feel insecure again. Even though it had nothing to do with you. I'm different

Starting point is 00:30:04 Maybe tell him next time that you felt nervous. I think I did that one time I think I might be told him that I said it I said it ten times. Yeah, the whole fucking show. Yeah, good Then that's real. Yeah, I mean it was it was at least real. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, man a story was fascinating the SNL story I was and then last night you said that you and Lauren still keep in touch a little bit. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I'll touch with it sometime. Yeah, we chat a little bro I got fired from BJ's pizza dude when I was a kid for We're doing like this under with the dishwater contest kind of mean this other guy. That's great. We got laid off, but

Starting point is 00:30:36 What was the contest? Just be under there as much as you can. Oh, you get physically you get in the dishwater Yeah, yeah, you gotta stay in. That's a fireball. Bro, it was like the big it was like the final one and I got I got fucking I got laid off after that, but But I never talked to that guy again Wayne that hired me there now I don't talk to those people. I got fired from several jobs several jobs, and I just never I'm done. Yeah, we're done It was one I was I worked at a Nursery like if it was like for plants. Oh, yeah, not for kids like plants Yeah, and one of the I worked in the patio department. So I was like putting together like they just put me in a warehouse

Starting point is 00:31:14 And they're like put together this furniture. I would literally build one bench and just lay on it The rest of the day and they came back. They're like you haven't made one thing. I was just laying on a bench You know, you're fired. I was like, yeah, fuck it. I'll head out. I Would every day I would build one bench and lay on it. It was great One bench gilla say still man Um, but so then what but you and Lawrence don't keep in touch though a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure Did he feel bad? Do you feel like I believe he did but you never know? Yeah, you know Yeah, you never know you never know he could have been the one that was like get rid of them

Starting point is 00:31:50 You know, but it from his what I've heard is no Did you feel like whenever like you like that you're going through that there was nobody standing up for you? Or did you feel like you have any thoughts like that? Sometimes you feel like that. Yeah Well, I feel like that most of my life is Most of this show is about that But do you ever did you feel like I mean like I just wonder what some of that was like like was there? There's yeah, there's there's one thing. It's very surreal. It's very surreal Yeah, even your story listening your story about going in there. Yeah sitting in there. I'm like in the story

Starting point is 00:32:24 I'm like, oh my god when yeah when you're in the waiting room like because when you go audition you're like I also never thought I'd get it. I was literally I was going in there like Probably not gonna get this. Yeah, I knew what I had done in the past, right? You know, I knew my crimes. I couldn't believe I was in this fucking building And then Yeah, you walk in you see that stage. You're like, holy shit. This is awesome because I wasn't nervous until I saw that Okay, is this the real stage? Yeah, you do it on the you audition on the main stage. Oh, wow. It was crazy, but uh, Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. It was really cool

Starting point is 00:32:59 But then when you get canceled nationally, it's a very also. It's a lot smaller than you'd think it is. It's very small That stage Wow, I always thought it was huge. Yeah, and Murphy had been on there. Yeah Sorry to bring that up, but yeah, but it was over you. I was also on there You were on there. Did you ever feel like you were a patsy like it was set up? Did you ever think about that? No, I don't think so unless it had something to do with Epstein Epstein was like that week my story overshadowed Epstein. Ah You never know. Oh, there's a so much power out there. They could easily say hey, let's bring in a

Starting point is 00:33:37 good gentleman and smear him But did that ever cost your mind or no, no, no just from the way everybody talked leading up to it Before the cancel like they weren't they knew I wasn't like a conservative guy by their standards. Yes I am of course, but they weren't like oh, let's get this guy because he likes Trump It's like no, I literally auditioned with a joke about Trump dying right being funny Right, so Looking back, do you feel like there was anything you could have done different or was this this was the way that this was gonna work out? No matter what?

Starting point is 00:34:09 No, I mean, I definitely wouldn't have changed What we did my our podcast, you know, yeah, that's yeah, that's how I got to New York, right so Yeah, it's interesting. It's like Yeah, that was just the way there was no other way it probably could have gone no Was there a chance I would be less funny if I was like pandering to try to be a Improv SNL guy, you know, yeah, that's a tough. That's a hard gig to be that guy To be like, I'm silly. Yeah, it's a weird, you know, look at me. Yeah, I can't be that Yeah, and what what Leslie Jones? I like watching there because at least she has her own charisma for sure

Starting point is 00:34:50 There's definitely people on there. I'm talking about the people trying to get on there Oh, yeah, like the improv world and the alt comedy world that kind of like I Don't know. It's not me drop these raisins in the color. Yeah, just going on stage and being meta every time about comedy You know, I mean when they do stand up where they're like isn't stand-up comedy stupid. It's like Yeah, yeah, I like it, but sure Whatever. No, it's interesting and I hope I'm not bringing up any bad feelings. I'm not trying to no I don't care. Okay, cool. Yeah, thanks for being willing to talk about it, man. Yeah, I don't care at all Yeah, I don't have any

Starting point is 00:35:24 Experiences like that except for experiences of learning that I felt like Hollywood a lot of the stuff in there wasn't didn't fit me Yeah, that's the only thing I've learned over the years like going auditions and like trying to be like um Oh, I'm just a good guy that could be there next door if you need something, you know For years driving over and doing that and walking in it knowing in my gut the whole time that it wasn't me That was the nice thing was when I got Cancelled was no more auditions. I'm happy about that. I fucking hate auditions, dude. They're so bad When you guys submit a fucking self-tape of you reading lines And then just know they're floating around somewhere like somebody's gonna get a hold of one. It's gonna be you reading lines

Starting point is 00:36:06 Yes, some and you know, there's some perv out there and you know this but I mean just frickin Yeah Some dude has got definitely Just gotta be let me just get cranking off the auditions. Definitely Because I remember I sent one one time. It was a they had to do you had to do a Shirley Temple Thing a song up from Shirley Temple, right? Bring up a Shirley Temple shot, please. You can bring up a temple and Oh

Starting point is 00:36:38 And I remember mailing that off to somebody email on that video somebody me singing on a good ship lollipop And I was like someone's gonna So, oh you jerk. I heard you sang Shirley you danced and I didn't dance But I okay, they sent you the lines and I never knew what it was for But somebody somewhere has a Shirley Temple has since passed. How did the Shirley Temple die? That's a great question Woodside, California the cause of that cigarette smoker life long really. Yeah Smoker but avoided displaying her habit in public. Hmm. She wants a bad example, but she's smoking

Starting point is 00:37:17 She made it to 85 lollipop. That's a great example. You should be like look, it's not bad. I made it They should put her on a Marlboro box or something. Look who made it. Okay. It made it 85 smoking chain smoking Through all that fucking on a sunny beach and pepper mail 1940s Hollywood sexual assault She must have got fucking destroyed dude. Oh my god He one of my friends said yesterday. He wished he could go back in times. We could beat his wife, right? I thought that was the most insane thing I'd ever heard. Hey, yeah, but can you get the things that women went through in the past? I cannot even fathom all the missing women in the 70s

Starting point is 00:37:58 You could just drive up and pick a woman up. Yeah, and they never one. Yeah, you just take her out to the woods beater There's nothing funny about that this guy's getting hard Oh He's gonna frigging spray beef jerky out of his body You're like not your go for like three days, it's like whoa, I still got it 23 years can't even imagine that surely temple's got you fired up a little And it'll be spraying orange Julius Yeah, dude, but yeah, man, thanks so much for letting me get up on your show. It's good podcast

Starting point is 00:38:42 Yeah I was excited you honored me dude. We're talking about I was hired and fired by Saturday Night Live and I got canceled. Yeah And it doesn't feel good when you get canceled it hurts your feelings it did it makes you feel small Was the scary part about like what there's what about the articles and then suddenly your name is out there and that was crazy That's because I was never anything right like I did like new faces that year and then all of a sudden it was like You're getting I was that was what fucked me up was like the comments now. I now I read comments. I always read I've been stuck reading comments I can't stop reading and it doesn't like destroy me anymore. I'm starting to get but it comes and goes like I'll be like alright It doesn't bother me at all. And then every once in a while somebody will get a fucking dad here on me and I'm just like, oh

Starting point is 00:39:32 But I would read like articles and stuff and I would have like dreams. I was having like nightmares about like Articles and comments and all that shit. It was crazy. Damn. Yeah, what's just so crazy to see your name that it's like it's so much bigger It feels so much bigger than you. You're like, I'm just one person with and yeah And it was all it was it was funny. Sometimes like it was very funny sometimes like because it was with my friend Matt. So like I'd be like, oh shit. You remember we said that like I totally forgot about that and then there'd be an article It's like Judd Apatow is gayer than Isis. So we're like, oh shit That's pretty funny. But you know, I feel bad that shouldn't you know sucks that he's got to see that. Yeah, who Judd Apatow? Yeah True. Yeah, I don't think he hit he didn't care obviously, right?

Starting point is 00:40:19 Which is nice at him because I was down he could have been like fuck that guy Yeah, he was chimed in also You ever get canceled you're gonna get canceled. Do you think we'll see how this episode does? This is going alright. Yeah, I feel like you felt like we said anything cancelable. No, that's a good thing about you is it's like I can ask Yeah, yeah, no, where are we at on the we're good. Okay. Okay. We're good so far. We're good We're getting close with the picking up women and beat him to death Although that was more me than you I'll give you that I was here for the beat him to death part was me Yeah, you said you could just go around and pick them up and that you would you wished you had lived back then so that you could drive around

Starting point is 00:40:59 And abduct women my friend said that you said I don't know I said it I believe you said I could have said it but I just I've been watching these Ted Bundy things at night and looking at some of his artwork You know, we did really good Artwork a question came in right here. Do you want to play this? We did a lot of art work in that way weird about all these killers. This is what my fans look like Just so you know, is this your opener Stephen? Yeah, it looks like What's up, Phil? What's up, Nick? Huge fans this past weekend. I'm out here in beautiful

Starting point is 00:41:38 Philadelphia cutting lawns And hedging bushes today. I got my tango and my John Lennon sunglasses This guy's so my question today beautiful Shane is I know you came up in Philadelphia So I wanted to know, you know, I've been having this problem. I wanted to know How many beers does it take you to Get incoherently drunk. It seems to me every time I go out I tell myself I'm going to take it easy, but I overdo it So, yeah, my question when you're sucking down those BLs those Bud lights

Starting point is 00:42:15 How long does it take you and how many does it take you before you're not able to talk? Hmm. Thanks guys gang gang buzz buzz Gang, bro question. It is a great question. It usually the last night. I got pretty drunk on blood lights Yeah, I saw you had a couple. I had a couple. Yeah, I came out to see you when you left I was like, he's Tio, this is it You're like, man, good luck on the special taping Good luck on the special taping. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna see you tomorrow morning Hey, hey, I'm Tio. I'm a fucking idiot, dude. I'm sorry. I'm fucking you

Starting point is 00:42:47 It was awesome. Uh, yeah, we went to we went to the Santa's It was fucking great. It was great. Oh my god. It's perfect. Do you drink? I gotta go. Uh-uh. You got a drink? Oh my god, it's perfect. Do you drink? I gotta go. Uh-uh. You don't drink now right now I got like 65 days. Oh shit. So I'm off. I just I just about did just buy this vape That's good. They're fine. You're fine. I'll feel bad about it. I'm sure later on today You can you got to have something you're not jerking off or drinking. Oh, I'm jerking off. I'm just trying not to And it is impossible. Don't do that. Don't do that Oh, if I had one don't put that pressure on yourself. I know that's the problem. I put too much fuck it myself

Starting point is 00:43:25 I know man. What are you doing with to answer the question probably around 20? Really if it to get like incoherent and this is over the course of like Seven o'clock show. We're out till 3 a.m. Yeah It's Bud Light. Yeah, you know, do you that's no show be sexually active at a certain number of beers? No Yeah, me neither. No after like four beers. Wow, it's trouble. Yeah, it gets dice and then it gets in my head Oh, and then it's in my head. I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to get hard. I look fucking stupid. Yeah, huh? Yeah, that's when you need an old gal at disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, she's like don't worry. Don't even worry about your penis Hebrew for some reason

Starting point is 00:44:07 She's a black history. Oh one night. I was with Mark McGuire. Is that who that guy was? No, Jim McMahon Yeah, the old Chicago bear, right and he had this lady who was old kind of older than him Okay, we're sitting outside and he's just literally he would drink a beer in one sip, bro He would drink a beer in one sip. Didn't he just get like cancer? Oh Right there the glasses. That's the one I spoke with. Yeah, I thought it was Mark McGuire do for like an hour, right? He's awesome. They're both awesome. He answered all the questions I had about Mark about him. Yeah So it was almost like it was like hitting all those home runs It was probably like this guy doesn't know what a touchdown is. It was great

Starting point is 00:44:52 out of his mind But he said yeah, he had this lady who liked to eat his butt that was with him That was older than him and that was kind of crazy. Hmm. You ever do stuff like that get your buddy I don't really get into a lot of stuff like that. You don't want to put that out there publicly Oh, no, you mean you don't do it. I don't do I don't really I mean I mean either I would be it would take I'd have to be at like a you I'd have to be at like a retreat or something I think it's some type of vacation or like a rehab facility

Starting point is 00:45:26 That'd be a decent place to get it though if things are going bad someone ends up eating your ass while you're like But here's the weird thing one of my friends who you know who's a big Podcaster told me that he does it and he lays on his back and gets it like that. Oh, it puts his legs up What big I couldn't even Exposed this man You guys like this that's a predator Oh, I broke my heart man when he said it and I think I was trying to be supportive and we're having lunch and God, it just broke my heart that he got his ass. He's like held his legs. I get it

Starting point is 00:46:09 It was just a lot for me to just take on It's a lot and I feel bad saying this in front of front of Riley over there. I know Just a lot but um Anyway, man, uh, what are we talking about? I got a higher and fired by Saturday line. Oh, yeah Yeah, it was uh, it's a traumatic experience But you I feel like do you feel like there is any positives from it over time have you started to notice any positive I noticed I noticed positives immediately. Did you really yeah for sure like you go on stage and people like oh shit

Starting point is 00:46:45 This is you know, this is who this is. This is that guy. Oh wow. So you went I never had See I had zero and then to like oh this guy's good, you know, or like not good But this is a fucking freak. This is who he is the thing. Yeah, this is we get to see this freak Yeah, yeah, but then it's in your head when it's happening Because like you see people like at any show people talk to each other like whisper at the table and I'm like you fucking talking about me Who are you? You know what I did Yeah, so you'd be up there you just you're in your head constantly. Oh, and then saying like you meet people that are all

Starting point is 00:47:23 You know comedians in New York, and I'm like oh this fucker hates me probably or they probably talked shit or whatever So it's just constant and nobody cares. No one else cares It's just you right. I wonder what most people feel or think yes, you never know It's weird how it's like yeah, do people even really care. It's almost like a lot of the cancel stuff It's not even a real thing. It's just it's no one cares. No one really cared exactly what you said. Yeah, no one did I Never once was confronted by one person that cared really it was always just like well you should have been fired You can't do it's like alright, whatever. It's kind of weird. It's like this It's like this invisible rulebook that is and we're trying like like

Starting point is 00:48:09 Right now like with me trying to sell anything or like work on anything like a show or anything people are very like Well, we like you but you know We can't get in trouble right it's like no one cares about nobody's like with the reason We're not picking you up is because what you did was wrong. They're just like well. We don't want to get in trouble It's so you know it's like a weird pussy There's this indivisible principle. Yeah, someone's like Yeah, God that I do so do you does that deter you or any of like your thoughts for future stuff I mean, I see you creating awesome stuff. Yeah, the truth the ah

Starting point is 00:48:51 The Trump speed dating thing was hilarious, bro Yeah, and you have I was so bummed because I'm like damn you have such a great look for like being like a new Like Darryl Hammond or there's nobody on these shows that looks like Anybody that I grew up with it's like this guy. This kid. This is the guy Yeah, there's definitely like especially now it is you can just make your own thing, right? We'll do this right, you know So it's not and also there's what like I don't do I want to be on a fucking sitcom Some way now, I don't I'm good. Yeah, some of those days are it's it's interesting some of those days are kind of over

Starting point is 00:49:28 Obviously, yes Yes, I would be on black ish or whatever, right? I'll do it. Yeah, but uh No, that would suck. I'd say yes, probably but I wonder if it would but it would sit calm I Don't know. I think I don't know Worked in a long time having to work even when we're filming our own stuff is like This is hard. That's hard. I just stand for a day. Yeah crazy It's hard to do that kind of stuff. It's hard. Yeah, you just got to go sit in your trailer

Starting point is 00:49:59 And it sounds like it's all gonna be nice and it's this thing. I think it aesthetically or a aesthetic Aesthetically it looks nice to people like on Instagram. It looks cool. I'm in my trailer We're doing craft services, but it's just a lot of like waiting. Yeah a lot of waiting. Yeah That's all it is. It's not like it's not like obviously. We're not comparing it to fucking roofing, right? But it is it's not cool. It's not as fun as you think right after like the first hour of being on set on anything. You're like Fuck yeah, what do I do now this done? This is gonna be a long day But yeah, yeah, I think that happens a lot man

Starting point is 00:50:35 In my experience has been yeah, then it's just you're in your tray You're in your yeah, like trailer or there you don't have a trailer and you're just standing somewhere Yeah, eating peanuts and eating M&M's and eating you're mic'd up saying all types of wild words talking shit on the sound guy Who's literally just listening? You know, it's hard to figure what gift you want to get somebody Somebody you might know somebody at your house could be your wife or husband and it's like damn They're they were born and it's coming up again. I got to help them out You know, well the best new gift is paint your life calm

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Starting point is 00:54:28 Please tell me Oh, you should give them the advice Well, you got to get canceled brah. I think no to start. Yeah, bro. You do something you You know do something a little edgy do something deliver a pizza. Yeah, that's shaped like a Illegal symbol from Germany on it. Yeah Deliver a pizza somebody did that they did. Yes Oh, yeah, with pepperonis, dude. I saw really I saw that somebody got in trouble. Oh, damn Please look up swastika pizza

Starting point is 00:55:01 Please go over that dude. Yes. Oh, man and The irony is it's made out of pork isn't it? So that's a double entendre right? Yes. That's bad news Yeah Oh, I've talked about it, you know how it went they did one dude was like I can't wait for him to pull this out of the oven and see that I ruined it Oh, and the other guy just must have pulled it out not even fucking looked at it just thrown in a box

Starting point is 00:55:36 Shipped it that the other guy sitting there like, you know, what'd you do with that pizza? Dude, it's out. It's all it's tracking Oh, you're watching like oh fuck it's at their house Goldstein Choose only fucking dominoes what the fuck you like is it be you are to your B. R. G. Which one is it? Oh Man, that is a free So, yeah, the second opening that I'd be so happy if I got home open the pizza I'd be like, holy shit, dude, the dudes a little Caesar. It's a fucking wild

Starting point is 00:56:21 Oh, wait, no, that can't be the two workers Be the victims Oh, are we now that we're talking about this little Caesar says we're deeply disappointed by But bring up little Caesar this guy looks a little third right yeah, oh for sure Look at them. Michelini the guy definitely nuts Now these are the victims. Oh, these are the big they receive his wife misty Oh I love I love that Nick people are named after it kind of like weather or like kind of light climate conditions

Starting point is 00:57:05 Misty sunny dusty So my husband stopped at little Caesar's name dropping for a quick bite husband brings this someone truly disappointed. Yeah Fuck These aren't funny jokes and shouldn't be made Yeah, it's true. They're kind of funny jokes. I mean, it's you don't think it's a funny joke But it's classic on a little Caesar's Peter. Yeah, it's obviously a funny joke dude. It is funny. It's okay funny Yes, I agree. It's a fireball right and this is the owner of little Caesars Holy shit, dude. He's got a Roman haircut. Yeah, that is

Starting point is 00:57:44 That's the drawing that's why bring up the drawing it is I Think that is him Well, I Just I wonder so that's logo history if you wanted to be hateful You can't you have to be creative if you wanted but I think yeah, you got to do something That's out of the box and that's gonna be And then once you're and then you I think you got a rap. I think if you're gonna go from having no You need to have something to come back. Oh shit. That guy does work at Domino's that is

Starting point is 00:58:17 The guy we're talking about that is a chance he does toss a fucking symbol on a piece, right? Well, I would do what I would do now is do something do something the other direct You got to do a different type of symbol, you know, I think you need to do like a Mason if they have a symbol You could do a star David and send it to the people that got the Nazi pizza and make it up to him You could do a Um, I don't know what you could do. It's kind of That's kind of the only symbol that's like a yeah, like I remember when we were kids on a school bus We drew swastikas on some kid named Scotty's t-shirt. It's funny and he

Starting point is 00:58:58 Went into aftercare. We didn't know what the symbol meant or anything. We were just of course We'd seen it on like pamphlets or whatever around town and and then we drew it on his shirt And then he had to wash the shirt, right? And so but he had to keep wearing it and so like it always had it on there a little bit. It was crazy, man I drew a swastika on my friend's forehead once he fell asleep. No, and he cried. Wow. Yeah, that's that Charles Manson He has one. Yeah Yeah, so I think you got to do something you got a wrap or do something I think to cut you got a really Or come out of the closet via pizza. You got to do something that's gonna get you

Starting point is 00:59:32 That's gonna get your name out there. So that's wild. So you went from and then suddenly people know your name. Yeah, yeah For sure. Is it weird when you see SNL people around New York City? Yeah friends with like Michael Chee, right? Yeah Did you ask any of them to put in a word for you? No? No, I didn't ask. No, right? What are they gonna do? Yeah, and that's like a fucked up thing to ask be like hey risk. Will you risk something for me? Like I was just While it happened I was like, oh, I'm fired for sure and then it just got drawn out like I knew I was fucked Yeah, because I was thinking if they were mad about that there's these other stuff. There's a lot, right? This is you know

Starting point is 01:00:16 Do you think Do you think that you would have fired you No But under the rules today's rules. Yeah, you have to write those are the rules But if you want to you know, I mean, that's what I've always tried to say like I didn't I don't argue me getting fired Right, those are today's rules. If you want to talk about like I would have to argue like we need to change the rules Right, you know, yeah, if that makes sense. I don't know if I'm explaining that correctly. Yeah, I think so like the rules are what's I This might not be what's wrong the rules there should be adjustment in the rules. Yeah

Starting point is 01:01:00 Well, it's so interesting when you take a stand up from what's okay to be on stage and then try to put it because you weren't a sketch Guy really or you were no no no really so you're in that space suddenly and And Do you feel like you were a good fit for the show, yeah, I think I could have been yeah for sure I think I could have done well. Yes. I mean we made sketches and I did okay in those Yeah, so I think I could have and I think Lauren saw that and he was like, I think he could be good, you know, yeah Or I could have been decent at weekend update something like that. Yeah, that would have been cool. That would have been fun but

Starting point is 01:01:38 it's not the Sorry, it's fine. I truly I never like thought I'd get SNL or like wanted it, right? So it wasn't like all my dreams are destroyed, right? It was a surprise. It was just like, oh shit. Nice. I got something They're like, no, you don't like that Back to what I was doing. Yeah Do you um and what is this? Here's a picture you on stage with some other community. Oh nice That's uh, yeah, those are some SNL people And Dave Chappelle. Oh wow, that's cool. It was fun

Starting point is 01:02:09 Did they do like a special thing for you back at the cellar or something when they got back? Was there kind of like a was that weird? No, I wasn't I wasn't past at the cellar. Oh, you weren't. No, so this got you past you think? Uh, it certainly helped. I didn't get that they weren't like, oh nice you got can in fact It definitely kept them and they chilled on me for like a year or two. I just got past it. Oh, wow, congrats. Yeah. Yeah, thanks Was there anybody that reached out to you kind of that you were surprised by that was like trying to be supportive? Yeah, for sure. Really a lot. Yeah. Wow every every Yeah, a lot of people did Norm McDonald was a cool one. Really? Yeah, that was a cool one. I talked to him for like an hour on the phone Yeah, wow

Starting point is 01:02:47 It was crazy. Yeah, he's the best. What did he say? He's another guy that's exactly who you think he is, you know, yeah, he was just like, yeah I don't know. I don't want to I don't want to put out the private right stuff. But yeah, he was he was awesome All that stuff all that stuff was cool. There was cool stuff cool stuff happened But it was again, it was very surreal like you'd I'd get off it. I'd be like, holy shit That's like top five for me favorite comedians of all time Just got I was just walking around my backyard talking to him and then I come back inside of my shitty apartment With my roommates with my 35 year old male roommates

Starting point is 01:03:21 And I sit back down turn the news on it's like piece of shit. Shane Gillis was fired What a terrible person he is and then I mean it was just very surreal So it was kind of like I didn't even have time to be like sad It was just it's very stressful and like kind of funny when I was just with my friends, right, you know Like because they would just keep quoting and they kept trying to get us in more trouble by finding old quotes And every once in a while they they would miss and they wouldn't be offensive and it would just be funny And they would publish them And they would publish them like a lady from the New York Times was like the worst

Starting point is 01:03:58 He called civil women who fought in the civil war secretly Flat-chested bitches She like tweeted that and people were like, this is pretty funny stuff She was like, it's not funny Yeah, the new york, it made me hate the fuck. I hate journalists dude. Oh, that was worse. I hate journalists so much. LA Times and New York Times, it's the worst Yeah, it's like, what are you doing? Knock it off Yeah, why why are you trying to fuck somebody up? I get if you're doing it for like the greater good if you're trying to like do you feel like people are though

Starting point is 01:04:30 That's I know that's the tough. That's the tough part. It's it's tough It's like, yeah, are we aiming to do all this stuff because we really like 50 years from now You want everybody to not have any judgments on each other or look at each other and any Because the sacrifice that in the meantime is humor a lot of times. Yeah Yeah, and humor is a risk like always The thing that was always funniest to me was Telling a humor or being a doing a humor when you Write when it's not supposed to be done like the guys are little Caesars. Yeah

Starting point is 01:05:04 Taking chances, dude. Yeah, yeah Taking a chance. Yeah, the guy took they took a chance, man They somewhere took a chance, dude, and they are probably legends amongst their friends. They are probably Truthfully and look never put a swastika on a pizza right not advocating that yeah, they deserved to be fired Yes, that's a good cancel. Yeah, there's a good cancel there. Yeah, because it's dicey you're using product to push your own agenda But those dudes are probably funny. Yeah No chance those dudes are not funny Because they're not real nazis. They're not right. They were real nazis. They're not putting swastikas on pizzas

Starting point is 01:05:42 Right. They're doing other words. They understand how wildly funny it is for somebody to open a pizza box I mean like holy fuck And here's the crazy part and they're willing to risk their careers, dude It's so funny. I'm sorry. The word careers is also That little Caesar's there. Yeah, but they're putting it on the line. They're all in. That's a good point. They're like, you know I'm risking my little Caesar's job This is gonna be funny It just blows up. It's basically like german roulette. Yeah, but it is a little bit

Starting point is 01:06:16 Uh, you're right, man. So then the weird part is the weird part is hard to keep cutting off But just when they got home and seeing that tweet that lady that misty said or whatever her name was. It's like, oh shit. She's pissed Yo, we're in trouble, dude I wonder if they try to like 16, dude I wonder if they try to blame it on the delivery, dude. I bet they did I'd I'd be fucking scrambling to blame it on anybody They probably had to interrogate them separate. Be like your boy snitched. We know My boy would never snitch on the swastika pizza, dude. It wasn't us Fight could you find out how old they were?

Starting point is 01:06:54 Yeah, get the culprits and a picture. I'd like to see these. I want to see these I'm gonna reserve some judgment until I say what if they're black? It's just like, oh these guys are the best. What if they're black and Jewish? And it was what if they're the owners of the place and it was just a plan to get the Get some eyes on little Caesars That happens all the time. I think a lot of us don't realize The way that publicity is used a lot of times You know, like I felt mine with the s&l thing a lot that did get them a ton of publicity

Starting point is 01:07:25 There was the first time people were talking about them. Oh, yeah for a long, you know Yeah, I couldn't name a yeah, I couldn't really name a a sketch outside of that Pete Davidson Chad when that even has been going on in the past Few years. I'm not a fan. I'm not like a big fan. Anyway. I'm a fan of some of the people I know that are on it that are really cool people, but Yeah, you're a comedian. It's not like it's it's not designed s&l is designed for like High schoolers, right? It's probably yes. That's a great point. That's their target. So like that's why everybody's always like it was great when I was in high school Now

Starting point is 01:07:59 You know, I guess the thing that's interesting I guess but you see guys like spade and you see guys like kneeling You see like norm mcdonald guys like that that went through it And chris rock you look at and you're like man these guys Are still funny or still and their level of humor and their ability to be funny in the spot is so much I feel like Better than the ability of a lot of people I know or myself or anyone these days. It's just like I don't know if humor was just different than or if I don't know. They just seem so much sharper. Yeah, that's fair But you're only seeing their sharpest stuff. That's a good point. You know what I mean? You're not seeing them

Starting point is 01:08:40 I bet if you went to a comedy club in 95 Well, definitely not saw rock rock would be He'd be doing destroying I don't know but you find these characters, but in 88 Maybe it wouldn't have been Yeah, I think I've looked into this and actually talked about this before as well But they didn't show the fellas

Starting point is 01:09:07 They admitted responsibility Immediately terminated damn Oh, I loved making pizza man. I used to work at pizza. Yeah, it's a nice thing. God. It was nice. Yeah, it's just rewarding. You get it It's a circle. It's easy. There's a couple shapes. You put on you do this. You do that. Boom. Yeah You give it to some dude who's Yeah, you fuck someone up with a child. Yeah, people would lace him with drugs and I remember we'd send a dude out He was on lsd. We'd give him a drug and then he had to go deliver and find out what happens. Oh, it's crazy Sometimes he would find him just in his car somewhere

Starting point is 01:09:42 We had a boy getting christian fella that would go deliver for a while and we would make orders to like danie glover. He didn't know any Uh, danie glover. He didn't know any in LA. This was in Louisiana. He didn't know any entertaining guy So we'd be like danie glover. We just he was oh, you would write the name Yeah, he had he had to deliver on sunday I sit so we'd write like danie glover and he'd go drive 40 mile middle of nowhere to deliver to glover And he would be wouldn't be there. Danny Glover was in louisiana. Never was we would just make it up and send this guy out I see. I see. I apologize to all the clues. No, I should have definitely picked that up But that was on me. Yeah, was it? Um, here's a question that came in right here

Starting point is 01:10:21 Sup theo sub shame I had one question for shame today and it is When is that special going to be dropping if it is dropping that you taped in austin? I was there So I would like to see that again. Just wondering if it is going to drop Nice Uh, I should it should be out. It'll probably just be on youtube Uh, and it'll probably be like first week of like september Round there. Wow, that's soon. Yeah. Yeah. Did you feel good about it? I did I think it'll be good. That's cool. We'll see. I don't know. I now watching it. I hate it

Starting point is 01:10:57 You know, I mean like sitting down to have to watch it and try to like They're like, what joke do you want to use here? And it's like they all suck. I know I look like a fucking idiot up here Oh Were you worried about what you would wear? All right. No, I wear the same Shit like every day. Yeah, so it wasn't that complicated But I did like spaz and get a fucking haircut like right before like right before it. I got a fucking bad haircut bad, dude I look like a crazy guy

Starting point is 01:11:27 It's like it was it was so ridiculous. It was just a nervous panic. I went to like a fucking And I went to a Dominican barbershop in Queens the day before I filmed and got like a tight Skin tight fade on the sides See the worst part of this is and then dude he oiled my hair He gave me a full Dominican haircut. It looked fucking crazy They put oil in their hair. It's just oil. I just realized you look like an eight-off Hitler a little bit Sorry, bro. I just realized this Don't do that

Starting point is 01:12:07 Sorry, man, you're handsomer than him. I think Oh, yeah, there we go It's fun. It's fun. There's ten vans and get fired up little scissors. Did you order the pizza? Dude last night you said one of my I was thinking about it all day You were like, wait, we were talking about the Holocaust again for some reason or we we were a little bit But we were talking about oh because we were talking about Hebrews Nothing bad. We I think we were with a Jewish man. We're just discussing. Yeah, how uh And then you made a joke if I hope we can edit this right

Starting point is 01:12:44 If it's bad if you feel bad that I'm exposing a funny joke you made okay about uh, you like It's like you'd think there'd be more there's incest in the Jewish community. Yeah, and you're like that I think you were like, yeah, because of the Holocaust. Yeah, they were all In the same space Yeah, that's what I thought I didn't it was very funny and then you were like Hitler. How far did Hitler live from I Fucked me up all day. Really it's so funny Thinking of him you think Hitler commuted to do the Holocaust. I didn't like went to work

Starting point is 01:13:22 I didn't know man. Like he checked into an office. I was like, all right, thanks for this is good This is what I planned Yeah, I didn't I think yeah, I always Because I grew up in an area of a lot of incest and so when you're around incest you learn about other incest, you know You kind of you know water seeks its own or whatever but so Ari manis who's my opener who's Jewish. Yes is always that's what we were chatting about

Starting point is 01:13:47 Yeah, he told me that a lot of incest in the Jewish communities because or I always thought a lot of incest in the He said there's a lot of incest in the Jewish community. Yeah, he said it So I always thought that It was because yeah, like the Holocaust people are stuck together you have sex with whoever is local to yes You know, which is the same reason that they had incest in our community growing up Yeah, or a lot of rural communities like Ireland Yeah, people don't want to go that far to have sex Bottom line

Starting point is 01:14:14 It's sad to say But if somebody, you know, but I think the Holocaust was maybe in the ghettos before But the Holocaust I think they separated men and women right and that's what he said and that shot me but Because I've read uh I don't know why it's so funny. I'm sorry. No, it's just saying the Holocaust is a place. It's very funny just being like I'd be like does he did he go to

Starting point is 01:14:41 AIDS It's not a the Holocaust is a thing. Yeah, it's not a place because what was that book I read? Oh, sir I don't remember. It was it was freaking good though, but but it was about the Holocaust Did you stick your dick in it? Huh? No You're just reading night by Eli Weissel. Just like oh fuck Oh, man, I gotta are we allowed to tell these jokes only we're at. I think we're okay. I'm saying it. You're not Yeah, and I don't think we're nobody's saying anything bad. We're with Jewish people. We weren't doing anything bad

Starting point is 01:15:13 And I I just that that's something that I thought I didn't know So there's nothing wrong with not knowing something true But yeah, and then I didn't know like I didn't know I never seen like the charts or anything like where did Adolf Hitler live at like that. I always thought maybe lived Like out front or something I guess I guess I equate it to like slavery or something You know not that it's the same thing, but I just equate it to like a bad thing and then I think in my head I'm thinking oh, well the slave owner probably lived on the edge of the property. Yes

Starting point is 01:15:44 In that case the comparison would be like an SS guard. Yeah While the president You know what I mean an SS guard would be like a plantation owner, right? But the president he wasn't like Coming down the plantations. I mean like My plan's working. Right. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, I bet Hitler definitely went That's actually now you mentioned it. Yes. I bet he did go inspect like nice

Starting point is 01:16:12 Can't believe it's worked. That's crazy this idea. You know It's crazy masterminds. This is crazy when you put your mind to something Just to see it here brick and mortar But you think Hitler was pumped He was like, holy shit, man You think Hitler was with his boys like everyone's like I gotta just take a step back and be like we did it, you know I tell you it sounds like a Louis CK bit almost definitely Hitler Hitler killing killing himself reminds me of a

Starting point is 01:16:46 Hitler just when he killed himself he killed himself in a bunker Did he with all his boys? Wow, and the soviets were like in berlin. They were like, oh, they're about to get him It was he was about to get caught and he was like It was like, you're not gonna get me pussy And he killed himself That's pretty funny But at the end he just he just said I'm done. Yeah, at the end. He was like, well, you're not even gonna get me You guys can't get me. Oh, it's so it's such a pussy move. This is yeah, but in his defense. Yeah, he was definitely gonna get fucking

Starting point is 01:17:18 He was gonna get in trouble. Yeah at that point everyone was like Yeah Dude, what the fuck did you do? The whole world isn't it crazy how nobody knew kind of what was going on for so long. That's the craziest thing to me. Yeah Yeah, you can't keep anything a secret now. No, you know, you can't even keep a couple. You know, you can't even keep You know, actually some people can keep a secret. They had like that elizabeth smart girl was locked up for like six What's that about months kidnapped people and they had those people for eight years at cleveland in the basement That's crazy

Starting point is 01:17:53 But I guess you just don't know what your neighbors are doing Just being locked in a basement, but it's crazy in years There's some guy that locks you up. What did this guy ask us? Oh, you wanted to know when the special my special was coming out. Mark normans had a great success with this special on youtube Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah, I think that's that's a pretty reasonable option. Yeah, it's a yeah, and if it doesn't work It's on you You know if I put it out and no one likes it Will you put it out in a full segment or clips? Do you have any? I'll definitely put clips out. Yeah, that's the thing

Starting point is 01:18:25 You gotta put the whole thing out and then you put clips and all that Which you know, it sucks to have to play the internet thing that game. I'd much rather have Like an hbo or a netflix make it and that's it. I don't have to do the whole Because like right like shaltz like shaltz talks about it. I talked to shalt Andrew shaltz a lot about it because he does it You got it If you're doing it on your own like this is what he would say if you're doing it on your own You have to be your own marketer. Right, which is hard. It's hard. You know what I mean? It's hard to be that Is it I don't like it. I'm uncomfortable trying to market myself

Starting point is 01:18:59 Oh, I guess that's interesting But I think if you just put the put it out there a lot of people will find it for sure putting it out yourself I'm talking about marketing it to be like. Hey, here's a Crazy captions on the bottom of my oh, you gotta do thumbnails and you gotta have titles that are like white guys slams Indian right, you know what I mean? Yeah, some of that. I think that stuff sucks to have to do I don't like I hate doing it and most you'd be surprised how many people hate doing it themselves, but it's The right thing to do Yeah, it's interesting some of it's like some of but some of times the material can just stand on its own

Starting point is 01:19:34 And you don't need like the big but you sometimes you do have to you have to get some of it You have to get the wording or something to get people to see it Yeah, there's all those tricks that otherwise if you were handled by a network they would just handle it They would just do it themselves But if you're doing it yourself, unfortunately, you do have to play that type of game It yeah, that's a good point I heard that Mark Normans was like the seventh most watched special. Yeah

Starting point is 01:20:01 If you liked over like you over HBO showtime those sorts of uh, the one yeah, because Netflix doesn't release their's right Their metrics don't release their metrics. Yeah, but norman put on youtube special and it's number seven. That's pretty crazy It's pretty crazy. That's really crazy So that's a lot of eyes, man. Yeah, hopefully we'll see hopefully hopefully it does well if it doesn't you know, I'll just fucking kill myself Your bunker Guys for real that we kind of did it. Anyway And of the the the artists with his boys like I mean I told you this was good

Starting point is 01:20:36 The articles were probably like racist pizza man. Yeah, yeah Takes his own life. Who would have thought that that guy's idea Yeah, eight off hitlers We're talking 19 After world war one. He's he's fucking wounded. He's saying his idea Would someday reach the whole way to a little Caesars in Ohio And just fuck someone's day up in 2021 But this is one thing I think that's good about butterfly flaps its wings type scenario

Starting point is 01:21:09 Just a guy in austria gets denied from art school So somebody's getting a fucked up pizza in the future But this is the interesting it's just crazy about the world like you could be someone who could have the most negative or positive influence and A hundred years later 150 years later. The best you're gonna be is a joke on a pizza. You know true it's like um Also, I think

Starting point is 01:21:36 It's also kind of cool to see the that's where nazis are now. It's like there's not it's so Like that's one thing I didn't like about the charleston thing whenever those guys came out with those Tiki torches, you know, and they're like these guys are all nazis. It's like If this is if if we're down to 60 people. Yeah with tiki torches, then we're that's great. Yeah Like that's great. True. That's how I see it like at least you like it wasn't like there was like 30 000 people Yeah, meet up. I think yeah, if you look up at how many dudes are like actually in the kkk. Yeah Yeah, probably 60. No, I think it's like 7 000. But that's really that's still pretty good. Oh, damn It's like one high school football stadium. That's a good point. That's not that many guys

Starting point is 01:22:19 And if we're down, yeah, it's like sometimes it's like you got to look at some things as being proud I feel like as You have to look at the actual progress. Yeah, it's like that's actual like If you compare to some of the pictures of like how many nazis they had 200 000 200 years ago or 150 years ago Yeah, they packed Madison Square Garden unbelievable. They filled Madison Square Garden in like the 30s. Did they really? Yeah Wow, the nazis were big dude. The nazis were doing good and then Hitler Took it a little far Yeah

Starting point is 01:22:47 Oh, whatever. We don't need to look up. Yeah, there's how many clan members there are 3 000. Approximately 3 000 nationwide it said Interesting. That's a lot. That is a lot actually. I mean it is a small Amount for a country, but 3 000 dudes are still like But I wonder if they're also just including frat fraternity kids that do that sign And that they're a bit like, oh, these guys are white supremacists I wonder I think that's probably like estimated like 3 000 like dudes that are like, no, I put on the hat I'm fucking nuts, dude. I'm fucking I'm in it. I don't know what else to do. That's crazy I wonder how many because the crazy thing about that the crazy thing about the white power sign is they took the okay sign

Starting point is 01:23:30 Basically and made that said, oh, that means white power. I think it wasn't a joke when they did that They I think the guys who said that that was oh, they did it to make everybody Follow through with it. I think I could be wrong You look that up I think there was like a 4chan thing or one of those guys type things And they were like it'll it'll just make people look silly when they're like Actually, that's a secret white supremacist sign, right when it's like no, it's it's a okay Or it's this game where you punch your friend in the arm, right?

Starting point is 01:24:00 But the craziest part is if you then or then you become a white supremacist, you're like But then the crazy part is you look back through time so many pictures of people are like, okay in the past everything's okay You're like, look at this white supremacist Fucking jesus and then you every and you have everybody doing it black everybody's like, oh, look at this White supremacist guys are hitting threes in the mba fucking. Yeah, I'm like, oh, shit. Remember that Lebron Lebron one of us I was in my clan That's crazy, man. Uh, would you still submit a packet for SNL? Do you think no me? Yeah, no

Starting point is 01:24:36 Would I submit one? I didn't submit one ever. Oh, you did they asked I was asked to by my agents and I was like, I'm not gonna submit a packet Yeah, writing. I'm not gonna get a writing job there I'm 33. Yeah, I'm not gonna go be a writer. Yeah Uh, so no, I wouldn't have that. I'm too lazy. Yeah, I can't sit down and be a writer and then have somebody else go tell the jokes Yeah, that'd be tough to watch. Yeah, you ever write on anything like that? Yeah, it'd be so I can't imagine writing a joke and then watching another guy get laughs Oh, and some people do that and they have they're totally happy doing it. Yeah Yeah, I have uh, yeah, I have some friends that are writers. It's got Matt Goldich. He's a great writer

Starting point is 01:25:16 I mean, John McEver is one of my guys. Yeah, McEver. He's he writes almost all those. Wow. He's yeah He has no problem being a writer I'm just which is probably a good thing. It's probably a healthy thing to be like. No, I don't care who who gets the adoration I'm like, I should they should laugh at me. Yeah, if I wrote a joke and somebody else told it I'd be like fucking piece of shit I stole it. I gave it to him. You know, you think about swastikas Yeah, I think well, even the swastika pizza guy, it's like I was trying to tell the guy you have to do something you have to put something on a pizza and it's already been done. Yeah

Starting point is 01:25:54 So you got it. Yeah, you just got to think of something kind of creative. I think um Yeah, when do you think that you were part of like, you know, the the asian hate thing started Do you feel like it? Yeah, that was pretty bad luck. Do you feel like you started that at all? Uh, no, but I was actually yeah. Now that you mentioned it. Yes. I was one of the first I was definitely early in the asian hate community because after that it kind of that's when it kind of took off. I feel like that's when Yeah, but you it it wasn't obviously I mean, that's ridiculous

Starting point is 01:26:32 No, that's fine. It was kind of yeah, I mean it was media attention about a slur Right directed at asian people. So yes that definitely and And people are perfectly reasonable to see a headline that says this guy said this slur And they're perfectly reasonable to be like fuck that guy You know what I mean? Yeah, because no and I do the same thing. I don't read articles. I'll see a fucking headline I'll be like, oh shit. They're guilty. Yeah, fuck them Um, or there's no context or who knows how the fuck does the washington post report on a podcast from 2018? Right. Let's see the accuracy they're using here, or are they just like this guy's getting fired for being racist

Starting point is 01:27:11 Clicks clicks clicks. It's crazy, huh? Yeah, they don't get no one cares. It's all done. The caring is done The problem is though is when they write those articles After what I've said that doesn't count When they write an article that says a slur Or like this guy used this slur then normal people who obviously would have never heard Matt and Shane's secret podcast Are like, holy shit. He said like they're just in the new york times It's like, here's the word that that guy said that's bad. Right. That would have never reached these people ever

Starting point is 01:27:42 You know, what percentage of your viewership go up after the article? It probably doubled Yeah, since the the months after after snl our Our listenership probably quadrupled. Yeah, for sure because then people heard about it and watched it So it's helped the like this is actually funny. Yeah, it's helped the podcast tremendously Wow, yeah But it's not like it's not like it's helping the podcast in that like Racists are showing up and being like hell. Yeah, brother. No, it's like people that are like, oh, this it sounds

Starting point is 01:28:14 You know, I was trying to figure out who the pizza guys were Yeah, it turns out if they were putting out some more funny content. I'd probably I'd probably check in with them See what they were up to once you're in the news people are gonna look at you and be like, all right Now, this sounds kind of funny. Yeah Where does this go from here? It's bad. He just closed the window. Yeah um And we're not condoning this guys. We're not condoning it

Starting point is 01:28:41 um That's a scary thing now. It's like you don't it's like the people who are judging they don't care if it's a joke or not No No, they don't care at all Oh, yeah, you got that fucking thing tonight. Yeah, I was just thinking I was like, what's he got to lose? Oh, shit tonight I was like, yeah, I'd be a little cagey. Maybe don't put this out until that's done Will we ever be able to put it out? I think Do you think this podcast is too much or not? No, this podcast is not too much. I know it's not. Okay. I'm certain it's not

Starting point is 01:29:12 It's clearly joking. Okay. Very clearly joking. Yeah, I just want to make it clear We are joking if you were putting up like pictures of like I don't know horrible things and being like look at those losers. I'm glad that happened That'd be bad. Yeah Yeah, I wouldn't do anything like that. You don't seem like you would do that. You don't seem like a very Mean guy Do you ever freak out and get mean to people? Sometimes I get angry but my anger is all you always usually just inside of myself

Starting point is 01:29:41 It doesn't have anything to do with the people outside of me. Yeah So sometimes I react I interact with the world angrily, but it's just the way I interact with everything Are you ever do you get mean to people? You don't seem that you seem like a very nice guy. I think I'm pretty nice guy I just him. I think uh With work and stuff. Sometimes I get kind of demanding. I think yeah Someone's like around you ever like you can fuck off dude. Get the fuck out of here. No Spit on anyone. No I never spit on anyone one girl who was asking about it, but was it? Yeah, she was this little

Starting point is 01:30:13 pretty tall girl not that tall, but Kind of normal heighted I guess regular regular. Yeah, cool girl pretty cool. She was pretty cool. I don't know I don't know her that good Um, I've been getting angry lately. Have you? Yeah, I keep waking up because the girl the girl I've been seeing she screams in the middle of the night sometimes Oh, wow She's all the time actually like every other night. She's like Three in the morning and every time I'm like I every if I'm waking up if you're waking up scared

Starting point is 01:30:45 You're gonna be mad. You know what I mean like every time I wake up. What the fuck? She's like Shut the fuck up Because I wake up like This is all the time Shut the fuck up Shut up and then she wakes up to me just every night screaming at her because she's asleep when she's she's screaming So she's coming out of this sleepwalking to me like go to sleep. Shut the fuck up

Starting point is 01:31:21 Oh my god, so every night she wakes up at four in the morning to me like sitting up in the bed like would you shut the fuck up? It's a real terrifying terrifying relationship and she's sleepwalks sometimes So the other night I woke up when she was standing in my room naked In the room in the dark. It was it was dude. It was scary. I left the room. I slept on the couch I was very scared and then I was afraid. I was afraid of my girlfriend I was on the couch like she walks through that fucking door. I'm this is terrifying Dude, she got you right where she wants you I'm scared

Starting point is 01:31:57 Oh my god, you ever have sleep paralysis? That would be something you'd like. Oh sleep paralysis is insane, but I fucking love it, dude I've only had it once and it was it was uh the worst possible one It's crazy. There's a demon standing at the foot. That's what she reminds me of. She's just standing there. Wow Nothing's scarier than like a naked person in the dark Yeah But yeah, I had sleep paralysis Sleep paralysis is good, man. I like it. I feel like it's a sign of things to come. It's excitement. I feel like it's you You know, it's a demon. Oh, really? What was it? Yeah, the Norse mythology. It's uh, it's all that guy

Starting point is 01:32:30 That's the scariest part. No Let me tell you this this is These images so I didn't know what sleep paralysis was. Okay one night. I was going through a breakup So I was very stressed out and I went to sleep in my parents basement And I woke up and there was a that exact figure standing at the foot of my bed And what is standing and then it walked around the side of my bed like reaching towards me and it's so real I like it was so real that I thought it was a intruder. I couldn't be like this is a demon I was like, oh shit. Someone's in here

Starting point is 01:33:02 Even though they looked Ridiculous, they look like the slender man and they were like walking around the Side of my bed reaching towards my face and then I woke up right when they got there But I like it was so real. I tried to fight them like I thought it was real and you couldn't even when I woke up I was still I got out of my bed and was hiding on the side of my bed And then tried to fight this fucking thing and obviously it was gone But then several months later. I was just looking at wikipedia. There's like lists of like creepy wikipedia articles Which is a fun read. Yeah, it's fun to pass the time and then I saw sleep paralysis

Starting point is 01:33:34 So I clicked it and the image was the image from my dream So I saw something I saw in my dream on the internet months later after after it's crazy See that makes me it's the one with like the red eyes leaning keep going down. You'll find this fucking. You'll never find it That's the one that makes me See this is But but it's just great. Yeah, everybody sees the same thing. That's what's fucking. Oh, they do very spooky Yeah, dude. I saw somebody drew what I saw in my dreams. Oh, that's insane. I feel like yeah, I always feel like oh something's Go to images on google. You'll find sleep paralysis get me

Starting point is 01:34:15 Uh, I feel like something's coming to get me, you know It's right here and I don't but I never see the thing. I gotta go. I saw the thing dude You don't want to see the thing You'll find him. It's that guy with the bottom right or now he's bottom left. He was standing at the foot of my bed Oh Wrong one, but that's all right swing and miss Another fucking stye you can't go to scroll down a little right there that guy No, are you fucking with me? No, he's not

Starting point is 01:34:48 This is what this is how it is You were on it. I was like that's the one This is how it is and this is how that's worked that guy. This is what I get going. That's what I saw dude This guy right here. Yes At the foot of my bed except my guy had like a more white face Okay So almost like a black guy in white face kind of wow Even that's scariest. That's the scariest. Oh, that's great. You know a world are we anywhere black guys doing white face

Starting point is 01:35:15 Lester holt really but lester holt is I feel like lester holt's secretly a white guy. Do you think? Oh I don't know much about lester holt pull up a picture of lester holt, please This will be 12 minutes I I Oh, yeah You telling me that's not a white guy in blackface or in tanner I think uh

Starting point is 01:35:43 Yeah, that's this is a tough one. I I Lester, I mean cv. Well, how do you look when he was younger? Oh, that's a great. Oh, there he is right there that black If that's him in the black and white, yeah Really, that's him. Wow. Oh shit, dude Even he like transitioned Even that seems Like a white guy and like a wig kind of Yeah

Starting point is 01:36:13 This to be honest, this is you you are getting borderline. This type of thing is a little dangerous It is speculating on black guy's race. Oh, okay That's no look as as I'll tell you where the line is. Okay. We're getting close Then back me out. I've just been there's been a lot of discussion here. See sean king Sean king. Uh-uh. I've heard of him. He was like an activist. Oh, and he was white actually like pretty white Oh, that's crazy. That's that's I think you can take that shot publicly Oh, here you go But here it's gonna be in the future everybody's gonna be beige and it's gonna be ridiculous

Starting point is 01:36:47 We were all even arguing about race stuff. Yeah, for sure. Like we're it's beige It's funny for white people to say that though to like be The purveyors of racism for the longest time and then towards the end be like, what are we even fighting about? It's like you don't get to decide that That's very funny. It's like when a girl fights you and then she's just like She starts crying. You're like, what are you crying about? You're fucked with me. Yeah It's an easy out. It's good for the honky's trying to hit the eject button like Damn, what are we even talking about?

Starting point is 01:37:19 Maybe I maybe I have such a white perspective sometimes. No, I don't think that's what you're doing I think it's a reasonable thing. It's not like that's the thing. There's it's easy to compare like racism and all that stuff to like Well, if you punched me I'd be mad about it But it's like are we talking about our grandparents or our ancestors right like I that's where it gets murky because it's like Well, I didn't do that Yeah, you're benefiting from it. But like it's all you know, it's confusing Eric Griffin has a great joke. He's like it's like when you walk in an elevator and somebody farted in there But you didn't do it, you know, and somebody looks at you like you did. You're like

Starting point is 01:37:51 I didn't fart but I didn't yeah Yeah, but the smell is still there But the red but the but the effects of it are still certainly and Eric's a bit he was he fat Was it was he fat? He looks like he's skinny now. He used to be thicker than uh He used to definitely He would have been a hottie at spring break. Trust me as a big guy myself I know it's like the fart the fart blaming It's in there

Starting point is 01:38:15 It happens to you guys a lot If you're a big guy, if somebody farted in this room, I'd you guys would be like Yeah, really you've been a fat guy on a plane. You're getting hit with the looks. Oh, yeah, there's somebody shit their pants Everyone's looking at you Yeah Yeah, that could be true. You know, yeah, it could be true man I think it's also it's grandparents a lot too. One more question here. We got Yo, co. Yo, Shane got my other drip. What's going on gang, baby gang gang salt life the whole nine

Starting point is 01:38:49 Shane my question is Tell the story about how you made Dave Chappelle run I think you've only told it on like dad meat and only took like two minutes Can I get a full in-depth story about how you and I think it was O'Connell's made show made chappelle run I'd be great It's kind of a brag Is it? Yeah

Starting point is 01:39:07 I made chappelle laugh and you're like jogged around a little. Oh really? Oh, I think yeah, I don't want to brag about But yeah, all right, so it was after we got fired. I got fired. Okay. It was like a couple months later I went to London. I mean my friend went to London just to have a week off like chillin Okay, and chappelle was in town Someone from the cellar hooked it up for me to oh cypher sounds. Oh, yeah hooked it up for me to Go see the show and then chappelle knew that I was there. So he was like I want to meet him He wanted to meet me because he's interested in like the cancel culture stuff And we got to hang out and it was just he like cleared everybody out

Starting point is 01:39:44 It was just me and my friend and Dave me and o'connor and Dave chappelle just drinking in London And we nervous there No, again, it was all so surreal like it was still so fucking every single thing that happened in like a four month span you know and uh I just told him a story about Louis ck because that was another guy. It was became friends with kind enough friends, but like, you know Yeah, you just you're in people's circles now. So you meet these people But I was just telling chappelle a story about because somebody was taking pictures of

Starting point is 01:40:20 me Talking to chappelle and he was kind of like Let's not get some pictures with this guy right now I mean, this isn't the best like I'm cool with cancel call. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't we don't need this I'm against cancer culture, but I'm not I don't want to be in the pictures like that picture like rumsfeld with sedarm Hussein We don't need this picture and then uh I told him a story about louis Coming into a it was at the patrice o'neill benefit

Starting point is 01:40:49 that louis walked in I was sitting with him and like a photographer came over and I like leaned to louis And I was like, you want to get a picture with me just like fuck with him I knew that's obviously a terrible photo for both of us It's like me and louis together. It's like you want to get a picture together. He was like, no I just remember him And as soon as I told chappelle that he was like, no He started running around. He's like

Starting point is 01:41:12 It was great. It was a cool moment Was there ever a comedian you heard laugh at your show that you were like, oh, that's awesome louis really louis Saul I was at the cellar. I saw him laughing and I was just like dude. This is That was my guy. That's the guy. That's my favorite. Yeah, man. His special online is so good. He's so good It's so good. Yeah a guy from here just went on the road and opened up with him for a while I was talking to him last night. Yeah chance. Yeah, it's awesome chance. Willie man. He's talented young fellow Chappelle was another one. That's like that picture that we showed earlier. That was chappelle followed He went after me. Oh, cool. And he got on it was like that was funny and brought me back up

Starting point is 01:41:49 Like that was really cool That's cool. That was me doing the louis story at the top. That's why I'm making the louis face. Oh, that's awesome You see no one laughed at that either Yeah, you got to fight for comedy, man. We have to fight to be able to joke around. Isn't that crazy? Yeah Yeah, especially when most people know you're joking that there's this it's like Everyone knows you're a new government. Everyone knows you're a new government. Yeah, for sure Everyone knows you're joking even the people writing the articles. They know it's a fucking joke

Starting point is 01:42:19 They have a bigger agenda. They're trying to push. Yeah, and they're pretending what you're saying is serious Yeah, and that's just what it is and that's fine. Right. In fact, it kind of wouldn't be as funny if people weren't getting upset Right It's kind of you know, if we were all like nice pizza nice swastika on that pizza, dude Right, it'd be like like if people thought that you and I actually hated Jewish people or were fans of Nazism Because we yes joked about or if literally there would be zero blowback for going on a podcast and being like Here's some funny things about hitler. Yeah, it's not as dangerous. It's not as funny. You know what I mean, right? That's the point. I'm trying to make right this pizza swastika

Starting point is 01:42:59 If those guys made that and sent that and everybody at Little Caesars and the people who received it were like That was funny nice, right? It wouldn't be as far right right the backlash on that one is that makes it funny People be like, what? I didn't know there were Nazis at Little Caesars. Yeah, that's great. It's making it funnier You know, that's interesting. I can't believe there's so many undercover Nazis at the comedy cellar What do you think there's Nazis at the comedy cellar? That's the crazy thing is that some people think there really are it's like I don't think there's one person that voted for a republican. Yeah, that's how far away from fascism. That is. Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 01:43:39 Yeah, it's wild man. It's a different time, dude Yeah, I don't I don't love talking about cancel culture. Yeah, kind of I get it. No, no, no, don't be sorry. I'm kind of I mean I did it. I did it to myself I'm sorry I don't know if you already it's also just a fascinating topic right now. I know it's just it gets Like when do you feel like it'll start to just suddenly did that's who you'll always be then? I don't think so. I don't think so either I'm confident. I'm not. Yeah, I'm confident. I'm good enough and stand up that I'm not gonna be

Starting point is 01:44:10 Then if you know that about yourself, then you it's gonna you're gonna be fine. Yeah, I'm I am fine. I'm not I'm not worried about that Uh, I never really was I never was like this is gonna it'll always be part of my story That's how I was introduced into the comedy world. Yeah, but Was there any Asian comedians that were supportive? Yeah, for sure. That's cool. For sure. Definitely behind Close doors. In fact, everybody was supportive behind the scenes, right? And that's to my face too. So I'm sure there was a lot of them that weren't very supportive that weren't just gonna walk up to me Like I've had problems with people and I'm not gonna walk up to them. Be like, you know, you're a piece of shit So of course nobody sang it. Everything's kind of yeah, uh, but yeah, there were a lot of people for sure

Starting point is 01:44:54 A lot of people for sure. That's cool, man. Yeah, I mean they I think there were a lot of people that had conversations with people That knew me that actually knew me that were like, oh, okay You know, like if you see a headline and you're like, oh shit, this guy said what and then you look at or you call his friend and you're like, is he like a Racist dude and they're like, no, not at all. He was fucking around. Yeah, it changes things. You're just like, oh, all right Yeah, I read an article that said he was racist Well, it's weird because it makes it scary to talk about anything sometimes because you're like and it's also as podcasters It's like they could go back through anything and take out three or four words from so many things for sure

Starting point is 01:45:32 absolutely But not many dudes are getting I don't know. SNL seems like one of the few jobs. Yeah that they would do that for like they're not gonna go back and cancel guys Just willy-nilly. They're not just gonna like it's got to be a big You know, if you're starring in a movie then people might be like, all right, let's take a look at him Let's go listen to a couple apps. Yeah, see his episodes. Yeah Well shame man, uh, thanks so much for having me on the show last night and yeah, I'm a fan. I feel like yeah, same man It's cool. It's nice to meet you, bro. Yeah

Starting point is 01:46:06 and uh Yeah, wish you the best of luck and all of that kind of jazz Hopefully you don't get in trouble from this episode. I'm probably we might do you think we will or no? No No, really? No, that's what's interesting. That's I'm so it's I'll say this when I got in trouble When we would get done with a episode. I'd be like we're gonna get in trouble Like I know when it's always it weird then that I feel that way sometimes it's never it's never like I've never gotten done with a net like an episode where we said edgy things and been like we're fine Every time if I think it's close. I'm like

Starting point is 01:46:38 Oh, really delete that, huh? That was bad. We never deleted, but it's always like this one. No chance. You're totally fine We are you're fine. I'm I don't think I said anything that bad So what do you think we're good? Riley mal. You're an asian guy. This is the guy that did it to you. How do you feel? I feel great Do you remember what happened? I do. Do you really?

Starting point is 01:47:03 I do. Oh nice Well, not nice, but I'm saying I'm surprised you know about it because sometimes when people don't know about it Particularly when they're asian. Yeah I gotta be like Here's what I said Like I'll get done with a show and there'll be asian. There's obviously there's asian people that like comedy Right, they come to shows and they're like you were our favorite tonight. What's your name? Mark norman

Starting point is 01:47:32 You know, I mean you don't want to get hit with the fucking google in front of you Like they're like, what's your instagram? I'm all looking up. It's like Shane Gillis like That was that was the wildest part was taking the train because I was poor when I got canceled Yeah, so like That's the only way I travel and like people would be on the train like reading the news and for three days I was the news. I was the news so people would literally be like Like on the subway like looking at me sitting there like Did you try to look nicer when you were the news? Did you notice at all?

Starting point is 01:48:06 Honestly, you definitely act nicer to everyone around you when you're in trouble like that. Oh for sure You want everyone to think like he's a nice guy. Yeah, it's fucked up. But you definitely become A lot now. Maybe it's because you're not as stressed about minor things where you would have an ego with somebody about like Did you just bump me or some bullshit like that? Right when you're getting canceled you're like I love you. We love each other, right? It's like you want everyone to like you because you're getting destroyed publicly

Starting point is 01:48:39 Maybe I wonder if that's why some comedians always want everybody they always I wonder if there's some correlation in there why a lot of comedians That's why you want everybody to like you because you feel like from the jump or something you feel like a bad guy You feel bad. Yes Maybe I think a lot of comedians feel bad. I feel bad. Yeah, I feel bad most of the time. Yeah Uh But yeah, when you when you're getting in trouble, you're nice to everybody. It's very fun. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah It's funny knowing that like

Starting point is 01:49:08 Harvey Weinstein was probably nice as hell towards the end It's probably uh the shit hit the fan. He's probably buying everybody like harry and david basket I fucked up. I know I fucked up But yeah, yeah, the whole having to explain people what happened is a tough one. Yeah. Yeah Do you feel some type of way over there rally mouth? Uh, sometimes no, do you have any do you feel anything about what shane did? Oh, um No, not really. Okay. Yeah, I You guys are good

Starting point is 01:49:44 I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Of course. I didn't mean anything. I apologize. Thanks, theo. That's good So how are you for me? That was gonna be how'd you think that was gonna go Here's the guy who did it. Here's that son of a bitch who did it. How do you feel about it? Here's this opportunity. I can't even see him. Yeah, well, I can and it's not comfortable My bad, man. No, it's funny Oh, jesus christ, dude. Yeah, bring me on. Be like we've actually brought in one of your victims It's like that show like where you go sit with the murders family or whatever. Oh fuck

Starting point is 01:50:28 Um, shane gillus man. Thanks so much for coming in bro. Thanks for your time, dude. Yeah, this is great. Yeah, this is great Thank you. Yeah, you bet Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time

Starting point is 01:51:03 For me to set that parking brake and let myself on my Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song. I will sing it just for you And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past And these wells that I've been riding on they want something that they're damn they're gone

This Past Weekend - E353 Shane Gillis

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