This Past Weekend - E361 Mark Normand

Episode Date: October 9, 2021

Mark Normand is an American comedian from New Orleans, LA. Theo talks with Mark about growing up in Louisiana, the NYC comedy scene, and the power of having Jerry Seinfeld's phone number. New Merch: http://theovonstore.com  New Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Support our Sponsors: Manscaped: https://manscaped.com/theo  for 20% OFF & FREE ShippingThe Zebra: http://thezebra.com/THEO   Crowd Health:  http://JoinCrowdHealth.com/fit  enter code THEO at sign up for your first month free Urbanista: http://urbanista.com/theo  to get 20% off your entire order Ship Station: http://shipstation.com  click on the microphone at the top and enter code THEO for a 60-day free trial Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to [e-mail]. Hit the Hotline [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw  Producer: Spencer Liautaud  https://instagram.com/adventuresofspencer Producer: Colin Reiner https://instagram.com/colin_reinerSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It'll be there soon. I appreciate your love and support. I appreciate anybody that supported me in my comedy career and I'm grateful for you guys to see this. It's been a lot of hard work and a lot of you guys have come out over the years and watched me work it and so here we are. That's October 19th on Netflix. Get that hitter.

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you're out there waiting for the triple layer for the gas friend. Today's guest, he's changing the game up himself. Other people have claimed to do it but I really see it with this man. He's a real humorous man and he's probably one of the, I mean he's just, he's just one of a kind really and he really is that and he's got a special out to lunch that's available on YouTubes and he's got his podcast Tuesday with stories that he co-hosts with Mr. Joe List. I'm happy to have him here today in our central east studio Mr. Mark Normand.

Dude, well thank you for coming in bro. Good to see you man. Of course, of course, good to be here. I was just over at Mark Normand ladies and gentlemen. Are we on? We're cooking? Oh boy. Alright, cut that last thing out.

I was just at the dang uh, I was over at uh, Walgreen. You got Walgreen over there in New York City? Oh yeah, we got it. CVS, Walgreen, Rite Aid, you name it. And they had, I was in line and they're like make sure to tag us on your social medias and it literally just blew my brain out of my freaking wiener man because it was like who is gonna like, you know, got my cancer meds or whatever, you know, like, yeah, having fun in the parking lot, CVS, it just seemed, it's just crazy how everything is like hashtag

like just like. It's all connected, it's all weird, it's, sometimes though you gotta admit those guys are funny on Twitter like Wendy's will go off on some guy. Oh yeah. Yeah, if Wendy's and Arby's go off though, I'm there for that. Oh yeah. You know there's just some fat guy behind a desk and he's just like screw it, I'm gonna be myself with the face of Wendy's.

Yeah man, Wendy's used to be so good. Aw, the square burger baby, Dave Thomas, chili. Remember? I loved when it was chili. Chili was their thing. Remember? That was their thing. That was their thing.

And you get the big potato, you pour the chili on it, then you, some girl was like, why where'd you learn that? Then she'd blow you. It was a great time. Yeah. And your family was doing great. It's like we're here. You know?

Yes. It felt like, you know, you go to rallies or McDonald's, it felt a little low brow but Wendy's felt a little upscale. Yeah. You kind of jumped out the car. Yeah. You're a good guy. Oh.

You know? Like you'd have all these crazy vibes. Yeah. I mean, he still hit me but, you know, it was at the salad bar so it felt classier. Dude, I remember two Pizza Hut salad bars used to have that pudding on them. Oh, the chocolate pudding. Yeah. That was big.

Can't believe they did it. That's after Little League games. It was all Pizza Hut all day. Oh, it was so good man. I remember getting a personal pan. You're like, Jesus Christ, my own personal pan. Yeah. I'm doing pretty good.

Who read two books? You know? Remember that? Yeah. They were the book club, man. We were smart. We'd be in there. We were like a real coupon family.

Oh, me too. My mom was at crazy coups with the clippings at the end and she's like, hold on. I got one. You're like, come on. You crazy whore. We got to get out of here. I got a blockbuster. I'm ready to crack open.

Yeah. No wonder Dan's gone. Yeah. I couldn't wait around either. Because you got to save six cents on some ice cream sandwiches. Do you think people's, that patience has changed? Oh, yeah. Isn't it?

It's almost crazy how much it's changed. It's embarrassing. I'll be at a red light and I'm like, I better look at my phone. I can't make it the eight seconds before I cross the street. I'm like, well, I got downtime. Might as well tweet something. Yeah. But it's like, who's running this red light?

Is this like, you know, it's almost like, you're almost like, this red light needs to get its shit together, kind of. It feels like, like, or just like, why, you know, every little bit of, everything feels like, things didn't used to feel like wasted time. It used to feel like nice to have some moments, I think. That's true. Yeah. Or you just didn't think of it as wasted time.

I'm just trying to walk through it. It was life. It was just, oh, I'm doing life. I'm outside. I'm living. Yeah. And now it's like, wait, I could be doing something. This could be a TikTok.

Oh, the white guy's flashing. Now the hand. Yeah. Yeah. I'll put music to it. You're like, what am I doing? We're not living. And Instagram went down a couple of days ago and it was a part of me like, oh, it doesn't

come back. Yeah. Fuck it. Yeah. You remember that in Louisiana? I know growing up, a lot of storms come through there. Dude, a lot of storms, a lot of people, you know, missing teeth, a lot of people missing DNA.

Remember that? They had one guy there. They found he didn't have any DNA in his body. This was like 14 years ago. What? I missed that guy. Yeah. They could, they couldn't genome sequence him or something.

Yeah. Hopefully he's not a serial killer because he'll get away with it. Oh, shit. Look, if you, if God gives you that gift, bro, you better buy a hatchet. Yeah. No doubt about it. But I remember when the power would go out at our house, dude, we would get into, it was like the only time our family was kind of close.

Yeah. Same with the scrabble. The candles came out. Yeah. You had to talk to your brother. Yeah. Yeah. That was weird.

God, it was so weird. It was so, yeah, but I love, there's almost something kind of cool about it. Like it was a, your family became a little bit of a necessity because you were scared kind of. Yes. You didn't know. Like if the second anybody left the candle, it was like, what happened to him? You know?

It's so true. We had to be Amish for a minute. Yeah. And it makes you, maybe the Amish are tight. Yeah. But the Amish are pretty tight. I saw some Amish at the airport. Oh, the other day.

What? Yeah. Not allowed in there? Yeah. But a, can Amish fly when you look that up, Spencer, do you mind? I think some of them can fly. I don't know if they, you might have to be a high school graduate. I'm not sure what they're, like what the jurisdiction is on being able to fly or not.

Yeah. I mean, it's all electric, so. The Amish are not permitted. I'd imagine they can't. Can you zoom in on that a little if you can? I think they're all banging each other, by the way. Wow. So they don't need to fly.

That's hearsay. Uh, that's what I've been reading in the Amish newsletter. We use trusted English neighbors are not permitted travel airplane. Oh, well, these guys must have been. They're rule breakers. You know, there was, I remember that show Breaking Amish, right? Yes. And there was one of the guys, he's like cutting the grass with that little, with just the

spinning knife. Yeah. I remember, we had one of those. And they interviewed him and he's like, man, I got, I was adopted, I'm not even fucking supposed to be on this dog. It was like, oh my God. I never saw that one. God, TLC is just a misery channel.

It's like my 600 pound life. I'm a midget. I'm an Amish. I'm getting surgery. It's a bummer over there. Yeah. I wonder why they, they really tapped into that market, I guess. I don't have any legs.

Someone else has my legs. Yeah. You seen that show? It's like somebody took, yeah, they said they, uh, it's like people harvesting organs or something. Wow. Um, yeah, it's really out on a limb. Yeah.

All right. How's, uh, how's comedy in New York right now? What's it like? Are you in the city? I am. I live in Manhattan and, uh, the clubs are great. It's all open. You got to show the Vax card to get in, but, uh, I'll, I'll say this, what isn't the same,

when I moved to New York, there was all these hot bar shows and alternative shows and those are all gone. Really? I don't think comics get along anymore. You know, comedy is so splintered now. You know, you got this group, you got that group and everything's politicized and what side do you want and all that shit. And you know, there's like these teams now and it's, it's not good.

Like when you say team, like it, is it, so it's like, does it feel political? Does it feel like, or just like, if you're not woke enough, does it feel, I'm just trying to, yeah, a little of everything, a little of all that, and you got to fall into your tribe a little bit now. I mean, the whole country's going this way. So I don't know, people were different before. We all had our differences, but like everybody got along, you made it work. There was no internet as much.

I mean, there was, but it wasn't like, everything just, people let all their bullshit out online and then you don't, you don't see people face to face as much. And I think people are just separating more. Yeah. Yeah. I think I started feeling recently like, you know, especially during like a lot of the, I guess, election stuff and then especially during like when BLM really went off. Oh yeah.

Because I used to feel like we're all on the same team. We're all trying to do our best and everybody, you know, this is what we're doing. This is like America and it's just like how we're, you know, we're trying our best. And then I felt like everything felt like some, some of the BLM stuff to me almost felt like a, like supremacy. Like it wasn't like about everybody anymore. Like it wasn't, and it wasn't even just about black people. It was just like people wanted to exercise like a victim hood, maybe some victim hood,

but it was just like, I don't know. Everything started really fragmenting then like for me, I thought, oh, we're all on the same team. And then it was now like, oh, well, just, it's just about these, this group and this group. And for me, I think maybe for some people it had never been that black lives mattered or that, but for me, I think it always had been. You know, to me, I was just like, if, and in some points, and this is just me as a white person, right?

Yeah. It almost felt like, I don't know, attack on me, but it felt like, it didn't feel like there was a safe place for you to go if you were somebody who's like, well, I've always respected everybody. Like why do I have to behave any, why do I have to like show a certain, be a certain way now or something? I get what you're saying. Yeah.

I've never, we grew up in Louisiana, you know, it was just, it was mixed. Everywhere was mixed. And it, I never even, it never came across my mind that black people didn't matter. So when everybody's like, they matter, you're like, yeah, I know. And then they get mad at you for not doing a bunch of shit. You're like, but I've been a good guy the whole time. Yeah. That was the thing.

There was no card to show that you've been a good guy. And there was nobody that seemed like they wanted to believe that you'd been a good guy the whole time. Yes. Yes. I think that's a, it's a human nature thing. When you get to yell at you, so they feel better, right? You know, this, this white lady's like, Hey, you're not doing enough and where's your black

square? And you're like, I'm, I'm banging a black chick. Like, I don't know. It's never enough. Yeah. And they, but that's their own shit. They got some internal stuff and they want to take it out on you, I think. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think, I don't know, it's just interesting because at the same time we've all been really separated. We've all been in our own little holes, like podcasting has become like so grateful. I'm sure that you, that you have a Tuesday of the stories and just like that everybody has their own cast. It's like, at least you have your own kind of channel now. Yep.

You got to build your island now. Yeah. Why? It does feel like that a little bit, I guess, which I, everybody can have their own thing. The internet is, is big and vast and it's got room for everybody, but when people start attacking people, that's what bugs me. Yeah. You know, like you can have your thing and Theo can have his thing, but when people come

at your thing, I'm like, why, what do we do with this enough for everybody? Right. That's bandwidth. Yeah. Yeah. That's bandwidth. We got a, we got a question right here. I want to think, I want to think a little bit more about this.

I'm not good sometimes. Some people are great at thinking and talking at the same time. When I meet somebody like that, like if I watch like a Ben Shapiro or like a Jordan Peterson, somebody who's brain, like it's almost like their mouth is like a little before their brain. That's impressive. It's like a wizard. I know.

Grand wizard. Yeah. I'm the exact opposite. I'm like, I'm just faking it. Yeah. And then I'm hoping my brain catches up. You know, I'll just keep talking and then maybe it'll pop in. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how I am too. Here's a white guy. Yeah. This is shit. Honky. Theo. Mark.

I know you guys have similar backgrounds, both Louisiana boys and both grew up in primarily black neighborhoods. Just curious, what was the best part about being one of the only white kids in a black neighborhood? Gang, gang. Thank you, baby. Thanks for the question, man. I appreciate it.

Definitely the snacks. We had better snacks at our house. Did you? Well, we had orange slices and, you know, healthy shit. But do you think that came from being in a black neighborhood? Well, just in comparison, I'd go to my friend Eddie's house and it was just like shit I'd never seen before, like weird brands and bags of cereal. Right.

We had Dunkaroos and some wonderful. Like a hat full of heart meat or something. Yeah. You know, gizzards or whatever the fuck that is. No, but I'm just saying what like, I think his question is like, what do you think was it? What was it? What was interesting about it?

He said, what was the one of the perks of being the one of the white kids? I showed a lot of kids how to skateboard. Okay. So there you go. I think that would be a real perk. So you had better snacks. Yeah. I think so.

So you got to show kids how to skateboard. I'm trying to think I had cable. I had Nintendo. This black kid would come over and play on our Nintendo. He was unbelievable. It was like something I'd never seen. And me and my brother were like in awe of this kid. He would just go to town on that Nintendo with Mario.

He could jump up. Remember when you had to jump on the flagpole at the end of Mario and slide? He could get to the top. Killed it. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot.

I think they have extra muscles in their fingers. I think so. That's what I heard anyway. Did you hear that growing up in Louisiana that black people have extra muscles in their body? Quick twitch. They would always say. They got the quick twitch.

Yeah. And yeah, it was true. I mean, you try to play soccer with this one guy in my neighborhood. I think he was Haitian or something. So he was just, he was black and Haitian. So that's already two levels. Double entendre. Yeah.

I think that was his name. entendre. Yeah. entendre. We had an entendre Wilson too at our school. I'm trying to think of some of the highlights. Some of the highlights I remember were that other white kids at school, you knew some black kids.

So it was like, you had a little bit more like my white friends, my white friends didn't really know the black kids. So you could be like a liaison at times. At least you got a little bit of like more respect if you were like talking to the black kids. Yeah, yeah. You could be over there. You could kind of joke around.

You could have a little bit more room with the black kids. That was the other kid that was on Tom's brother was liaison. But yeah. You had, it was good to be dip your toe in both pools, you know, you knew a little of both cultures. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what else other highlights were. Oh, yeah.

You got to be able to joke. You got to try a little bit more humor on a crowd that you knew was a little bit. It was a little tougher. You got to own. I mean, sometimes you got to even, you didn't get to say the end where I don't remember what the rules were back then, but you got to like joke around about it. Like you just got to be in more circle. People would call you the end word.

Yeah, I did it. That was a great moment. Oh, yeah. I remember going home and telling my mom, man, she's like, yeah, that was big. And also it's weird because we use the term minority a lot for certain groups, but like in my neighborhood, I was the minority. Right. You go 10, 10 miles this way.

I'm not, but in my neighborhood, I was. So I felt like you got some leeway. You were like, you know, you ever do an all black show and you're the white guy. You stand out. You, you're the novelty. You pop and they would let me pop in this, in this group. It feels scared. Do an all black show.

It feels scary. Yeah. It's a different, it's a different ball game because I feel like they're more real and they, they kind of will not, if you bombing, they're fine with letting you bomb. And if you kill, they will let you know you're killing, but there's not much middle grade. You never do. Okay. With a black crowd.

Oh, that's interesting. You're the murdering or boo. Yeah. It's very a game of Jerome's kind of, you know, and that's a weird statement really, but it's like very game of thronesy. It's Colosseum. Like very Colosseum, because if not, and black people are always eating at their show. Yes.

So if not, if it's not good, they will eat and you hear that, that snack. Oh yeah. Yeah. You hear a lot of heavy-handed mamas out there and they, you know, some woman two-spooning through some fucking, through a damn half a dove or something, you know, you're like, damn, you didn't even have a knife, I'm doing a horrible. Right. Right.

Yeah. That's true. And, and sometimes it's jewelry clanking. They got a lot of crazy jewelry, fling. I think, I don't know if there's anything tougher probably than doing a, I don't know, not tough. Definitely. If you had some luck with it, then you would be fired up.

Best feeling in the world. Yeah. Killing for a black room. But it's easy to kill if you play up the white guy. I think if you go up and go, I remember one time I did one in Harlem and they played some rap song to bring me out and I was like, never heard that song before and they're like, ahhh, it's so white. And that was too easy.

And I remember going back and being like, I'm not going to do the white thing. And I bombed. Yeah. So it was, I remember, I got up one time and even just said, what's up my N words even on stage. Oh, that's good. Nuts, man. Yeah.

You didn't, you said N word. You didn't say the word. I said the real word. You said the real word? Yeah. Whoa. That's balls. This is back when you could kind of do, I don't, I mean you couldn't, you weren't, but it was

just a moment. It's like, that's one thing about comedy though. Yeah. It's like, there's times where it's like if you, it used to be anyway, if you felt a certain thing. Yep. And you could trust that instinct. It was real scary.

That's so true. So true. It was, it was like somebody fucking, it's almost like Satan lit a little fuse in the basket and you just start to see it freaking boiling. That's so, and that would happen every now and then because hitting on a girl is so scary. I'm, I'm, I'm with a lady now, but in the single days, every now and then you get that devil's spark right in the taint and you, it would just work with a girl. You had the ball.

You had the confidence and she ate it up and then sometimes it fell flat, but it's the same thing with comedy. Every now and then you get that little twinkle of jizz in your eye and it just works. Yeah. Those were good stuff, man. That was also before like a hinge cliff day, you know, no one had a phone out. So you saying that was like a magic thing in the, in the moment. That's the, that's the point.

That's the point. You used to be able to ride the moment. Yes. And now the moment isn't there. No, no, no. The moment is to be something that is to be either monetized later or judged later or the moment is, uh, the moment doesn't exist really. That's true.

Like the value of it or I don't know what is it. I'm trying to think about it. I know exactly what you mean. It was a, a weird spark in the air between you and this group at that time. Yeah. And then it's gone. And that's really what comedy was kind of like. I know.

Yeah. Bill Byrd talked about, he went to that Chappelle compound and he said, all the phones are locked up and he just said crazy shit and he forgot like, Oh, this is what it used to be. Wow. Like, you know, like how much standup has changed and how it's all video and Daniel Tosh makes a joke. It's on the news, you know, and that's not supposed to be it. It's supposed to be in a basement and just right here right now.

Yeah. Dude, I remember John Mayer one time who, uh, who's so tiny, like, he's, uh, his brain is like a brain. I'm way jealous of him. Really? Yeah. He just has that. Like, I mean, it's like, uh, he just has a, just a gifted, he's gifted in that

fricking top sack, you know what I'm saying? But he, um, he got on the stage one night at the comedy store, right? And he did some jokes and it was good. It was good stuff. It was smart. And it's him. You got to hear his voice. You got to hear him think, like kind of see how he thinks a little.

And then I want to say it was a few days later, oh, he talked about on stage. He goes, it's interesting because I can talk about things tonight, but it's, but I can't really talk about things he's like, cause I make a joke tonight, something in this moment. Three days from now, I'm having a sandwich with my mom somewhere two weeks from now, um, sitting down at dinner with a friend and this is going to pop up on something's going to pop up on TMZ and they're going to have framed it how they want. And it's going to ruin that moment for me. Completely.

Um, and I just, I just remembered, I remembered also just thinking what it was like if you were already so famous and one thing that you couldn't even try something else. No, and the, the crazy thing is everybody loves the moment. Everybody wants the moment, but a couple of queefs have to ruin it for everything and now we can't have these moments. Yeah. Queef Latina, dude. Yeah.

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Treat each other well. Yeah, but it, everybody likes the moment, but a couple of people are keep ruining shit. It's funny. It's funny. Do we, do we, it's interesting to think about because I never really squared it down to that's what it is. That's what's not available. That's what's not, it's just not, man, I can't understand, I can't understand what I'm trying

to say. I know what you mean. I'm trying to be supportive. I think that's why these YouTube videos, these YouTube specials are so cool because it feels kind of like real, I know you're doing a Netflix, congrats. Well, I'm envious though, honestly, because you're, because you're YouTube. I was talking to your agent a couple of weeks ago, actually. Oh, really?

Yeah. Absolutely. And he should. But the one thing we're talking about was he mentioned that he said, well, you know what's really happening right now is Mark Norman's special is really popping. And I think that was a, he'd never used that word before and I could tell when he said it. Okay.

But anyway, he said, no, he was just really like, you know, he said it's really doing something for him. I mean, I even noticed you're adding, show me you're adding afternoon shows now. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like this is something that has, this has been like a real mover of the sticks for you. Oh, the YouTube?

The YouTube special, yeah. Oh, 100% game changer. I mean, I couldn't get a thing cooking. Nobody would have me. And then I put that out and it did well and people were like, oh, who's this guy? I'm like, I'm the same fucking guy. That's the special I tried to give you, HBO or, or Oxygen or whoever. And they all said no dice, dickless.

And then you put it on YouTube and they're all in. And now do they want to buy it or no? They've actually, well, I guess it's already out, but has there been now this talk of like, what's the next thing? And I'm like, God sucks. Some people have just proved themselves where other people just get shit. Oh, yeah. Well, that's Judaism you're talking about, but we're not saying that, but, but it's obviously

it's written down somewhere. But, um, but no, I agree with you, man. It's like, uh, but then also it's like, I used to think that way, man. I think sometimes I still probably do, but, um, but then it's like, I noticed I used to want stuff when I wasn't really ready for it. Oh, that's, that's every comic we want at all. Yeah. You're like four years in, dude.

You're, you're, you're like going on. You're like going first on a show that Bill Burr is supposed to pop in at. And you're just like, fuck man, I should be where he is. Oh yeah. Bella as well. It was her dad's name, Richie. You know, like you're up there just like, you're quoting LaBamba, like you're into it.

Yeah. Um, but it's not true. And then it all happens when it's kind of supposed to happen, I think. I agree. Yeah. And that's, that's the, everybody goes, what advice do you have to young comics? It's no, you suck. No, you're not ready.

You think you're ready, but you're not and get better. Yeah. Because you think you're there, but you're not there. It's like when the fat guy goes, I should be fucking Heidi Klum and you're like, why would she fuck you? Yeah. But you got to get there. Yeah.

You got to get there. You got to walk. You got to get your breathing up. Yeah. You got to really, you got to change that shirt. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Um, but that's crazy. You're adding shows. Now, has this happened before? I mean, I know it's, I know it's been kind of happening, but like, has it been like, like what have you noticed? What has been some things that have been different? Uh, well, the social media goes up and then people, it's almost like high school where

you, no one really talked to you. Then you get a cool car and they're kind of like, Hey, come eat lunch with us there. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, wow. Okay. And it's nice. Yeah. That's what's cool about standup or any art form, I guess, is, uh, you got to stay funny.

You got to stay good. You know, you can't just join the cool kid table and then just not change. You got to still keep progressing, I think. Right. It's a meritocracy kind of. What does that mean? What does it mean? A meritocracy?

Like good quality stuff wins instead of just being the hot guy, the popular guy. It's actually, you know, like sports or a meritocracy, the guy who made the most touchdowns, they win. Right. Yeah. I remember being real jealous or like when I was doing comedy earlier of certain guys and be like, man, they, and then it's like, now it's like, I'm grateful to be where I'm at.

Yeah. Um, you got to be grateful because how many of those E true Hollywood MTV unplugged where they go, I, I'm a millionaire. I live in a mansion. I'm banging a supermodel. My kid is in the honor roll and they're still miserable. Yeah. So you got to everything.

The fact that I sold at these shows and I'm adding shows, I'm like, Oh my God, I'm happy here for the rest of my life. This is great. I never thought I'd be here. That's cool, man. You got to be grateful. Yeah. It's so deserved for you too, man.

I mean, you've always been like the funniest guy. Oh, I don't know about that. Have you seen a earthquake? Actually, dude, earthquake kills. Beast kills some of the guys. I never want to follow. I'll name them. Yeah.

Andrew Schultz. The first time I saw him, I was like, I never want to follow that guy. He can really own a room that guy. Yeah. He's on the stool and they're just sitting on every word he's saying. Yeah. And I haven't seen him in a few years. This was like when he was, this was before he broke, you know, before he was like getting

real popular. Yeah. But earthquake was one. Oh, yeah. And Chris DeLea was really hard to follow. Sure. That's what I really hard to follow. God, it was hard.

And DeStefano is really hard to follow. So funny. So funny. And also it's just, it's different like how it flows kind of. So have you set your YouTube in the clips as well? Have you put it in the clips? Yeah. Okay.

You got to have the clips. Yeah. The clips are bite-sized. They bring people in. They go, what's this from? And they watch the whole thing. Yeah. And you know how it is.

They say social media is like an IV drip. He's got to keep going. Yeah. You want to take the day off but put something else up. And you own it. You own your special. Oh, yeah. See, that's what makes me mad.

It really does. Really? Yeah. So what do you make on 10 million views, do you think? Well, accumulate, you get a check every month. So depending on the month, it might be a thousand, it might be 3,000. So I've already made, because Comedy Central wouldn't take it. They pay 30 grand.

Really? Well, gone way beyond that. So I was crushed when they didn't buy it, but now I'm like, fuck you, I made more and I own it. Yeah. Blow me, CC. Also, yeah. Also, fuck them.

Yeah. What did Schumer used to say? She used to always say, since we're both right here right now, you could give Comedy Central a gold brick and they would bronze it. Ooh, that's good. That's what she used to say. Man. I think she stiffed them for the last year for a show, I think even.

I think so. I think she was supposed to be on the show. Yeah, she's got balls. Dude, she's got some frickin' hard balls on the top too, nice ones, huh? You banged her. I mean, I don't know about that, but I mean, I definitely, you know, I knew her well at a certain point. Sure.

Yeah, she's a good, we got a real beetle crawling on the ceiling here. Watch out, everybody. Can we get a shot of that, Spence? Yeah. Yeah, maybe get it with your phone at least, Spence, just so I have it, just get it from there if you don't mind. I want to be honest about everything that happens in here. I like it.

I respect that. I like the between two ferns too. You got a, and you got the impeachment curtain behind you. Oh yeah, definitely. This is impeachment. Woo. Oh, this is definitely, like if they had a Civil War draft room, like if Norv Turner were frickin' pickin' infantry men, this would be it, bro.

Like if Frederick Douglass was putting together his fantasy team. Right. Dude, I used to have these dreams that I was doin' undercover boss, right, but during slavery, right? So I'd have these dreams. That's a great sketch. Oh. It was so...

SNL's gonna steal that one. I'd be like, hey, what do we, do we have to work today, guys? And somebody would be like, no, and I'd like write it down. Ha ha ha. Like I just remember having these crazy dreams, and Lilac was my name. Lilac. That's nice. It's a flower.

Pretty good. Yeah, Tuskegee, that was somethin'. Pretty good. The airman. Yes. Man, you ever think about war? I don't know if we could do it. I mean, we could go out there and shit in a hole, and peel potatoes, and do some push-ups,

but in those trenches with a machine gun, bullets whizzin', whoo, those guys were tough. Yeah, you know what's left of us, what's left us has really been a lot of that toughness. Yeah, because life was precious. It was flimsy, like you might get drafted, you're 18, 19, you might go off to Germany and die and never come back. Yeah, polio. Yes. I mean, these are so many things.

Everything was life and death, the bombs with Russia, with the alarms goin' off, you had to get under your desk, and now we're worried about Latinx. We have so few problems, we gotta focus on what's that pronoun, you gotta make up stuff. Somebody dropped a hur over there, I heard. Back then it was like, we might die tomorrow. Yeah, I think I miss like, it just used to be different, and I don't know, I don't know, I just don't even, you almost feel like such a pawn now, even if you don't want to, I feel like.

Do you ever feel like that? That's the pawn, and who's playing? Just a pawn, not even, and just in like, a lot of it is just electronica. Just how much it's like, you know, people are like, I don't want to be tracked, you know, I don't want my website, but then like, they'll be at the CVS and enter their phone number to get like, 6%, it's just like, there's no escaping. The machine, we're all in it, it's scary, you know, people have an iPhone, they go, I can't get this, they'll track me, I'm like, you got an iPhone, they got your GPS, they

got your satellite right there. Yeah, you're fucked, you're fucked. We're all in it, and you can't not be in it. Right, that's the thing, you can't not be in it. They're good, they got us by the balls, these guys, they got us by the short and curly. And do you think they are a real group, do you think, this is like, I think where a lot of people, you either, you either go in this way, or you owe in Benjamin, you know, it's like, who has a new documentary out too.

Is that right? Yep, and I do want to support it, and he sent me a link to it, man, and it is really interesting. Interesting. He sent me a link, you know, and I literally watched 40 minutes of it. Damn, that's pretty good, 40 minutes is tough nowadays. Yeah. I mean, we got squid game to get after, you know. Oh, I'm in the last episode, man.

And I can't even get hard anymore. Your dick's a squid. Oh, yeah, that's killing me, man. I'm about to blow ink out of it. But yeah, yeah, I think, well, I think this is the scary part. I don't want to get all conspiracy Alex Jones QE on you, but. No, it's interesting. It is.

Something feels weird. Something's weird. Suicide is up, anxiety is up, depression's up. It's the corporations. They've got us. And those used to be your thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, right?

Yeah, now everybody's doing it. But the corporations are winning. That's kind of the new religion. That's kind of the, we talk about Biden and the president. It's all the corporate. They're the ones in power. Oh, yeah. So I forgot my point, but their suicide is up.

So we talk about how we care about mental health. We care about people's lives. But if the corporation are making money, I think that'll just win. That'll beat, no one will care about the kids killing themselves if the corporation is still thriving. Yeah. They don't pay taxes. It's crazy.

It's crazy. The whole system is crazy. You can't help but start to feel, I think, it used to feel like being human meant a little more, I think. Yo, yeah. There's a lot of bugs in there. Wait, now we have two bugs that are meeting. And there's one over there too.

Holy hell. Man. And we just got it sprayed in here, didn't we? Damn. Who did the spraying? We got to fire that guy. Man. Wow.

If these guys start fucking. Got one, definitely. Oh, boy. If they do sex, man, then this is going to be pretty good. Yeah. We don't have that. I mean, yeah, we don't have it on tape, but I'll get off. We got to get a.

We'll just, we can find something. Yeah. We'll edit it in. But are they about to meet up? Yeah. I think so. This is a hot date. We got to get a release form.

They're going to fuck. This is a drug deal. Oh, damn. Yeah, that was a handoff if I ever seen it. Yeah, it sure was. Huh? Man. Somebody caught that fentanyl and just hit the road, Jack.

Well, if it is fentanyl, then you don't have to worry about the exterminator because they'll be dead. Yeah. Hopefully it is, man. Yeah. Fentanyl is killing everybody. Yeah. It's just weird, man.

You can't even do cocaine. It's just everything feels tainted a little bit. Yeah. It's kooky times, man. Do you, do you really feel like sometimes I can't feel it's like am I just alone and feeling that way or does everybody feel like things seem weird? I think we do because we're a little older now. Yeah.

And I think young people just grew up with this shit and it's normal, but I saw a day before Pornhub and it might have been a better time. But then I think, do I sound like the old guy who was like, oh, you're out of touch, man. I'm like, maybe I am out of touch, but I don't know. Life felt more normal before. We're too tuned in. We know all of the news story.

I know everything about the Taliban. I can see anal gaping and I can buy socks in one sitting. Yeah. It's a lot. Yeah, it is a lot. It's too, there's no, the imagination, I don't know that my imagination barely even works anymore. Oh yeah.

That's out. I used to use it to jerk off. Oh yeah. Forget about that now. That's over. Dude, that's a great point. Yeah. Think about using your imagination.

Dude, I remember getting a set of pens, like colorful pens one time for Christmas or something, birthday or Christmas. And dude, somebody give me a little, this dude, Nicky at our school would draw a piece of cooter for you for the weekend, like $2. Wow, really? Oh, this kid could, bro. The labia and everything, Majora, Minora. Oh, dude, the fricking evil Angora dog, he had all of it in there.

Bro, he had the fricking, I mean, you had the fricking Orion's belt, dude. You had all this thing, dude. You had a big clitter. Some healthy ladies in there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so there was a lot of good stuff going on in there. He sketched that for you for $2, so you'd have that thing for the weekend. It was like having a girl, you know? Right.

And I remember getting my own set of pens and duplicating his thing one time. Oh. And then kind of having my own deal. But yeah, you just used to have your imagination. I remember like drawing tits on a pillow and just calling it Katie, you know? And then you put your face right in there, you'd fluff that pillow, and that was my pillow. Yeah, that was with the days. My friend drew women, too, and again, it's like the Amish porn.

But remember, even in a car ride, you'd play 20 questions or punch buggy, you had to make fun. Right. And now you don't have to make fun, because everybody's on their phone. Yeah, and everybody's on their phone just doing the same things. It's all just whatever someone who owns whatever the little template is. It just, there's no, there's not a lot of even diversity of thought. It's like everybody's getting these ads for untucket shirts.

Right, right. Yeah. Everybody's girlfriend will get them one for Christmas and think it's cute. It just starts, but I do wonder, is that just getting older and that every generation thinks that? Oh, exactly, these kids with their Beatles music and their televisions and their 8 tracks, are we those guys now, or is this actually a problem? Right.

It's hard to know. And if you are like 18 or something, you don't know it's a problem anyway, you don't know. You don't know any different. It's just normal. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. We need to get a little tween in here and ask him. Well Trevor Wallace, he's mid-20s.

Phenom. Oh, he's Phenom. Yeah, he's so funny. Great dude. He's a cute twink. But he, oh, you take him to, you take him to a gay area where men with money, bidding war. You got that right.

Oh. I mean, he is adorable. Oh, he is definitely areas right there. Look at him. Oh, come on. Out of hair, out of place, he looks all German, cute. He's Jewish too, I think. What?

Wow. But he could be anything, the guy's so hilarious. I'm going to unfollow him now, but. Yeah, he could be anything. But here's one thing that was interesting. One night he was talking and he said, dude, he's like movies, man, like they're so long, you know? Yes, yes.

And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, well, me and my friends, we can't sit through a movie. That's wild. Like it seems insane. That's wild. And you can't blame them. No. But when it rained outside, you popped that VHS in, you watched Roger Rabbit and you loved

it. There was no interruption, nothing could interrupt you, and it was like maybe the phone would ring once. Right, right. There was no fentanyl in the film, there was no, you weren't going to get a text message, it was a different time. It was a different time. I'll try to show my girl, she's younger than me.

Oh, that's nice. Is it hard though to not make mistakes and say things that make you sound old? Oh, all the time. I'm just giving up. I'm the old guy, can't get it up. But I mean, she can't, I'll be like, you got to watch Jaws. Yeah. She's like, this is the most boring thing I've ever seen.

I'm like, this was a huge move, this is a classic. She's like, I can't do it. Godfather, forget about it. She's watching TikTok and then she'll wait for something to happen in Jaws. And then she'll go back to TikTok when they're just swimming on the beach. Yeah, it's almost like, it's just, yeah. It's tough, man. If you'd go on a date with a younger girl, I went on a date and she said, well, what

music? Put on some music. I was like, all right, cool. Uh-oh. And I used Apple Music and she's like, how old are you? That's old now? Apple? That's old.

Apple Music. I was impressed with Apple. Me too, but I think it's Spotify. I mean, I think it's just Spotify. Oh, damn. You know? I don't even like auto-spent. What do you use, Spence?

Spotify? Yeah. Ah, shit. Damn. I've been using Napster. Yeah. Oh, damn. Yeah.

I haven't said that word in 25 years, by the way. That came right out of my asshole with cobwebs on it. Remember Napster, bro? That was big. Remember Zillow? No, not Zillow. That was one with a Z. Shit.

It was green. And it came with all kinds of viruses. Oh, damn. Maybe it wasn't a Z. RIP. There was current? Oh, yeah. RIP current.

RIP current. Lime? No, that's good. Lime wire? Lime wire was something. That was something, yeah. What was that? That was like Napster.

That was big. You remember, you're like, oh my god, I found Oasis on here. Yeah. It would take you four hours. You finally found Wonderwall for free, and you already owned it. And it took a week to download it. Napster, wonder whatever happened to the Napster guy. He would be a great guest on a podcast.

Oh, yeah. And is he rich? Is he living under a bridge? Is he suicidal? What's going on? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I remember watching, looking at porn, and my friend was like, we should print it out.

So he used all his dad's printer ink, and he was going, reee, reee, reee, reee. And then we print it out, and we'd have to peel that bullshit holes off the side, you know? The perforated or whatever, and I would keep it in my pocket, and I remember mowing the lawn at my grandmother's house, and every now and then I'd go, all right. And then I'd go back to mowing the lawn. Still got it. Still got it.

God. Do you notice your ego changing any as you get a little bit more clon of like, do you and because ego is a weird thing. Ego is like a thing that happens without our even. It's this crazy monkey that lives inside of you. Totally. You know? Do you notice yourself?

Do you have any like, kind of moments where you like, you start to notice your own behaviors changing or not? You may not. It's a great question. I think with some comics, like the guy inside you, the little gnome that lives inside you, he's such a loser and an insecure dweeb that I'll never be able to be, you know, like Chappelle. You can tell he kind of knows he's hot shit.

And I think what changed for me is the comfort, you know, you go, Hey, I flew this, this level Delta comfort. It's tough to go back, you know, or you ever have this one. This might have been an LA thing, but you do the road. You're killing in some club. You sold out. All your people are there. Gang, gang.

They love you. And then you go to some club to do 10 minutes in LA or, or, or here. And they're kind of like, eh, that wasn't bad. You're like, well, I've been murdering all week, but they love you. They know you. And then here, they're just another comic. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's a good check. Yes. Yeah. I agree. That's the only good thing about comedy is that there's with, uh, with the fact that you have to keep practicing that there's those checks, you know, um, you need it. Some things do get a little more comfortable, but I do think you deserve it as a comedian. Like being able to fly first class or something.

It's like at a certain point it's just like, or flying the same airlines. You're able to get the miles and do it that way. Yes. That's one thing. And he's like, you fly one airline, I promise you to fly the same airline. I know, but I'm such a cum guzzler that I'm like, well, the spirit's 11 cents cheaper. So maybe I'll go with that. And then you're sitting on wicker.

Yeah. Brutally. You're eating. Yeah. And you just met her. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

Um, yeah. It's a, it's a black girl that wants to be, it's a white girl that wants to be black that also wants to be outdoor furniture. Yeah. Exactly. I saw two dogs fight on a spirit airline. Whoa. Yeah.

And I heard the beef in the line when they were doing the check in ticketing. You could see little, they, you know, you could see them beef in a little and then they fucking let them loose. And they were video. I almost think they did it for like a Tik Tok. Oh, that's a great Tik Tok and Michael Vicks, uh, cheering them on. Yeah. But that's, that just shows that service dogs are bullshit.

There's supposed to be like anxiety and all this, but like, we got two of them fighting. This increases the anxiety. Oh yeah. This one was definitely, one of them was really white kind of like lean, but confident, kind of like, uh, Jack Shore, I don't know if you're familiar with him. He's a UFC guy. No, I don't know, Jack. I like UFC, but I don't know.

Sure. What's the difference? A little interracial. There he is right there. Good night. I don't know. Jack Shore. He just actually, he sent me in Jersey.

I should have. I should have wanted. I'll wear it next time. What do you know about this Paddy Paddy Pimentin? Oh yeah. Paddy Pemberton. He's like the Beatles little fricking. He's like, if any of the Beatles look good, it would be him.

Dude, the Beatles were not attractive. No, they were the British queefs. I mean, they're, they're ugly. They're like working class, uh, BQs. Yeah. Oh, there he is. Paddy Pemberton. Yeah.

He's, he's, he's the guy popping right now. Is he going to be Irish? Oh, Paddy Pimentin. There he is. Oh yeah. Look at him. He's like, if you look at that one pitcher next to Bisping, and on the third row, the third pitcher, he looks like a cabbage patch kid, dude.

Who fucking is finally getting revenge for all the people just hugging him and pissing on him at night. Oh, I know I pissed on mine and the wrestling buddies. Oh yeah. See, this shows that like confidence and beings like just self assured goes a long way. The guy's got weird hair. He's a little guy. He's got blue eyes.

But he looks, he seems cool. He owns it. Well, it's that whole six nine vibe. It's that whole thing of like, if I can be confident enough and just say, fuck you here I am. Yeah. Then I can win. But I wonder, does that work for everyone?

Good question. That's what I wonder. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Like Ted Bundy. They say he was so handsome, so confident. Yeah.

He was picking up all these gals in the seventies. And he did card tricks too. You know that? Yeah. I did not know that. Like crazy. To hit on a girl. Yeah.

Not a bad idea. But you wouldn't think that a murder would be doing card tricks. I feel like it seems like the total, I'm sure like other murders like, oh, look at this pose. Yeah. You know. Right. Look at this magician.

I know. Oh, he uses magic to murder. It's gonna hack. He's a prop guy. Yeah. I think though, I think women will not admit it, but they're turned on by magicians. They won't admit it, but I think ladies are like, oh, that David Blaine, I'll tell you. Urbanista.

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Crowd health is not health insurance. It's a community powered alternative. Terms and conditions apply. If you're sick of big health insurance and the BS that goes with it, go to crowd health. Go to join crowd health.com slash fit and enter code Theo. Learn about it, crowd health. Yeah, I wonder, I think that falls in with the thing that women wants to be murdered really.

Ah, I think you got something there. My lady loves all that murder, like fake, you know, hold you down and put a ski mask on and all that shit. Brian Laundrie, all that stuff with that man they're looking for, all these chicks want to bang that guy. Yeah, so it's a weird fetish these ladies have. It's also all murder all the time. They love murder.

Do you think that, and also we're not going to have any good murderers anymore. That's done. I mean, you can even see. Oh, that's over. That's, I mean, there's just too much digital footprint. Yeah. I'm just kidding, but Laundrie's still on the lam even with dog, the N-word bounty hunter on his tail.

I know. And he's still out there. He might be dead in the ravine, for all I know. I don't know, I think if you've gone that long, I feel like you keep riding it out because you've already, you've already killed. Yeah. You've already been hiding for a month or two. Like I think at that point, if you haven't turned yourself in or taken your life after

a couple of weeks, I feel like you've got, you've gotten into that, you're in Vander Slute kind of vibe where you're like, what can I do? What else? Yes. Can I hide? Can I hide? What? And it's almost seems exciting.

Yeah. It's definitely life and death. It's dark, but if you imagine wake up in the morning and you are somebody that is untraceable. Yeah. You, nobody can locate you. Uh-huh. Here's what it seems. It seems relaxing.

You think so? I would be on edge constantly. I feel like at least you're like, you're, you're not on your phone. You're at least spending time like out in nature, probably. I feel like you're doing the things that a lot of us need to do. If he didn't do the murder, I would say he could be like a homeopath or something. Right. Right.

He could open up a thing in Maui. Yeah. Like at CBD shop or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. He's probably sitting at a bar somewhere in Oklahoma with a mustache and shades on, drinking a beer and going, oh, shit. I'm on the news.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's, I bet he's milking it. Like how about this fucking psycho? Huh? Yeah. You know, right? I hope they catch that guy.

He's like, yeah, fuck him. He's probably enjoying it. And Halloween, he gets to come party too. Right. He can dress up. Every day is Halloween for him. Yeah. But to be able to one night come down from the hills and freaking let it loose.

Do Jaeger bombs with a freaking mime. Right. Right. You know, just come down and just party, dude. Yeah. Piss on a mummy. Yeah. Just have fun, man.

Halloween was fun. Um, we got some other good questions. What's something else that popped in here, Spence? This guy's a hunk. Wouldn't be great if laundry popped up. Arc. Theodore. What's up, fellas?

Hey, hey. This is Alex from Birmingham. Big L. I am just sitting outside listening to the rain because I work from home now and that's pretty much the excitement of my day. But, uh, question for Mark, I was just watching the Chrissy Chaos episode that you were on about five or six months ago and you were talking about, uh, your Seinfeld story, um, how you were opening up for him and then COVID hit and I was just curious what the status

of y'all's current relationship is. Have you heard from him in the last five or six months? Are you going to be working with him again, uh, in the future? Uh, just curious about that. I'm also a big Seinfeld fan, so, um, gang, gang, Theo, I love you, uh, y'all keep doing your thing, man. Gang, baby, I love you too, brother. Thank you.

Uh-oh. People love you. People love you. Ah, not my dad, but either way, uh, the Seinfeld thing is crazy because, uh, I was a huge fan. I watched it with my parents growing up and then now to have his phone number is bananas. Yeah. But, uh, it's almost like the hot girl, I opened for him one weekend, we did four shows,

we went out after, had wine, had pizza, tiramisu, best night of my life, and COVID hit, so then everything got weird and then I kept trying to text him, it's like a girl you fucked once that you're in love with, but the relationship is just kind of distancing, but you try to keep it going with a text, but it's inevitable it's not going to last, but, uh, I'll text him every now and then and he'll get back to me, so I'll take it. Yeah. I'll text him about Norm dying and he was, he had some cool shit to say. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. So I hate to say it, but sometimes an event happens like that and you're like, oh, this is a good opportunity to text the big Jew. Yeah. You gotta go BJ on that, dude. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's interesting how like if you get somebody's number that's a celebrity or that's

popular to you, then like how nervous you feel like, and then you also start to recognize how like their lives are so busy that they just, it's not that they don't care anything about you. The friendship just picks back up kind of when you see each other again. Exactly. It's just not as much downtime to communicate. Like, yeah, completely. There's just not as much free time as when you were just chilling and you were fucking

just didn't have anything to do. Yeah. Yeah. And he's a little older, so he's not part of that text. Generally, like we'll just text back and forth and he's, I think he takes a while to get back to, uh, you know, he's a thinker also. That's true. So I'm just happy because you know how much power I have just having his, I could give

that out. I could call him drunk. I mean, I could do so many bad things, so I'm really trying to be a good, good little boy with his number. Good number shepherd. Yes. Exactly. Yeah.

And sometimes you like have all the numbers and then you get drunk and lose one. One runs down the hill. Oh, there's a six. Yeah. Yeah. Hope no one knows anything. Yeah. Right.

I texted him once drunk and I, I never did it again because his reaction was kind of like, I could tell it was weird, he was weirded out, but he's cool. He's so normal. He's like us. You know, you talk to him. You're like, oh, you're just a dude. Yeah. And we put him up on this weird pedestal, but he's just like us.

Yeah. He's just busier and richer. Yeah. And that's so real. I mean, I think at a certain level of, I think, have you noticed anything different about yourself about making money if you started to think anything differently or do you notice anything different? I screw up so kind of poor that it's kind of baked into me, but I'm trying to enjoy

the money a little more. Yeah. Well, you get yourself something. We get you a little something, maybe an extra, you know, thing of socks or something. Yeah. Do a skiing trip. Are you guys, are you like, is there something nice you're going to do that you kind of are doing?

Yeah. Me and the lady will go on trips, which I never did. I was like trips. That's for, you know, Rockefellers, but she's like, no, we should go and I need her. It's kind of a yin and yang, a little Andrew Yang. And we can go do shit cause she'll push me to do it and I need that cause it's all coupons in here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got that coupon heart. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You got 40% off a orders in there. Yeah.

Right. But I'm noticing I go to your house or Nate's house or Tim Dillon's house or something like that. And you're like, all right, all right, I got to start enjoying my shit. Well, so I live in a place where houses are affordable. You know, you could. Like Nate and I live in a place where house, you know, if you go to my apartment in LA, it's as big as this, you know, two of these rooms.

Oh, okay. So, so it's always interesting for me because I go from having a house here, which is, it's a nice home to going back to my apartment, which is just totally, it's a nice apartment. Yeah. You know, it's a, it's a beautiful apartment. But it's like, it's funny cause I'll kind of, it's funny cause I almost sometimes fit easier into that. Like, I know I hate being in a place where there's, I feel like extra space is I can't

use it all. Yes. Dude, I remember the first night I ever stayed at like an expensive hotel room, dude. Like a suite. With two rooms. Yeah. Dude, I was like, if I go to bed, I'm wasting the money. Yes.

Yes. It's like in Castaway where he's laying on the couch and he keeps flicking the light on. You don't know what to do with all this, this technology and the space. It's weird. Yeah. So I just stayed up. I'll say at least somebody's will stay awake and get the money's worth.

Yeah, totally. It's like an exhaust to the next day, but like feeling like I fucking got my value, you know? Yeah. I'll tell you where money is good. Everybody thinks I'll buy a Lamborghini and I'll buy a mansion and I'll buy an Escort or whatever. An iPad.

The money is good for little things that like, okay, let's say you go to the airport and your flight's delayed and you're like, ah, shit, I'm just sitting here for like another six hours now. And then you can go to the sit-down place at the airport, the restaurant and actually enjoy a meal and not, not stress over it for six weeks. Right. That part's nice. Little things.

We can just like, oh, I'll just buy this and not think about it. Oh, I forgot my hoodie. I'll go buy one. Right. Little things like that. Yeah. You know what? That's a great point.

Cause I don't think I'd ever get myself anything fancy like I got a four ranger truck. Right. I, you know, I just don't think, I don't know. I just don't think I could fit into it well. Same. But then the problem is we might have kids that end up having money, dude, now I'm gonna fucking hate them. That's true.

That's true. Kids need a little struggle. Nothing worse than a rich kid. Oh. Nightmare. Some, a lot of times anyway, sometimes there's somebody that breaks the norm. That's true. But also the rich was my arch nemesis always.

It still is kind of like some people will be like, well, you make some money and I was like, but I'll never be rich. Rich is also an attitude. It's an attitude. Yeah. I don't have that either. You know, it's like my dad's going to bail me out. Right.

Right. Do you know what my father is? He start throwing money at people and shit. Yeah. I don't have any of that. Like my dad has liver spots on his arms. Okay. Yeah.

So he ain't bailing anybody out of anything. Yes. You know? And he's drunk right now. And he fucking is the one that drove me over here. So. My dad has the mismatch suit, you know, the blazer and the pastel match, it's like dark blue and then like a gray up top.

It's bad. Dude, my dad, my dad would get so drunk, dude, he would dry, I guess he would drive home and just kind of crash his car. We had like this kind of like really like slow, like the gradient was real. It was a real like not a heavy gradient getting into the bottom of this ditch. So he would just kind of ease his car right into the bottom of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Just kind of finish out the night. Did you ever go tubing? Yeah, we went. That was a big deal. We'd go tubing. Where would you guys go in North of Covington when you guys go like, if you said it, I'd know it on the Boga Filiah, Boga Filiah, something like that. Boga Chitta.

Boga Chitta. That was it. Boga Chitta. Yeah, we'd go there all the time. And one time I was with a girl dating a girl and this is a crazy story. We got, of course, you just drink all day on a tube, just float in the sun. We had sex on a sand bar. Yeah.

I've been there. Yes. Yeah, dude. And there it is right there. There it is. Yes. It's a plus and they give you the tube, it's a whole thing. But sex on a sand bar, I remember it flopped out and hit the sand, I put it back in and

she was pissed. Wow. That was an accident. America, dude. That cures rabies. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you need a little grit.

And so then we got way too drunk and she had her mom's car and we were driving back and we had a friend in the back seat and he was like, gun it, gun it. And she gunned it. The turn came up out of nowhere and she flipped the, turned the wheel and we flipped into a ditch laying, you know, we're upside down where you unbuckle the seatbelt and you fall. Still drunk? Still drunk. Oh yeah.

And it's dark out and it's in the middle of the woods. And the cops had to come. They had to get a tow truck to get the car out. Y'all couldn't flip it over? No, no, it was like in that ditch, like it was fit in there like a cookie and a cookie pin. Yeah. Tin.

And so the cop came and I remember she was in a bathing suit still and she was like, you know, a hot 16 year old and her boob was out. And you could tell all these fat, you know, Louisiana cops like, oh, guarantee and they're fucking wiping their brow like, they're putting blush on. Yeah. They're trying not to, but it was a full nip and she was crying and they're like, they're all hard. Yeah.

They're loving it. And they're like, oh, Willie Ray, get over here, get her information and Willie Ray's like, oh, shit. I didn't notice a tit, it was, it was fun. We got out of that one, but those were, those were young days when you were 16 and just everything just kind of fell in the place. It worked out. Yeah.

There was something about the pressurelessness of that time. And I think it was just, I don't know if that was society. I think it was just that age. It was like, like now I think kids are still just kids that like the phones and stuff is just part of their thing. I think you're right. I think you're right. That's my hope for everybody's all, you know, woky and annoying and all that.

And I think kids, younger kids see that and of course they're going to go the other way. So I think they're going to rebel against that and start saying horrible things again. So that's, that's my hope. Yeah. I would like to see a little bit of it because the woke thing is just impossible. The end of it is, it's, there's no end to it. There's no end. You can't be good at moral enough.

Did you see the guy outside of the sonic the other day who with the woman or the man who was saying what they were calling me sir inside and the guy was like, what do you want me to do? You know, I'm sorry. You know, Oh no, I don't know. Can we bring that up? Oh yeah.

Yeah, it was. This was Hispanic guy. Yeah. Your entire staff has been calling me sir. Okay. Okay. You want to park? Why don't you tell me what we can do now?

No, because I can do the same thing with you. Okay. But your entire staff has been calling me sir the entire time. Okay. This is obviously a man. What about me looks like a sir right now. Okay. Okay.

Can we please move to the sign? No. What? Look, I'm sorry and I apologize for what happened. Okay. If they did that or I mean, what do you want me, I'm sorry. What can I tell you? I mean, what else can I tell you?

What? If you're, can we please move to the sign? If I'm a what? If I'm a what? If I'm a what? This person is just bashing for this guy to fuck. It's just sick. Okay.

It's a bully. It is. It's a weird form of bully. Okay. This guy works at Sonic. Okay. Yeah. He's, I don't know, maybe an immigrant.

Did they call you a sir? I don't know what they did then. Because they saw the name on my credit card and they were being, they were not being nice people. Well, I mean, that's what your name on the credit card, what do you want them to tell you? Yeah. This is a great question.

That has nothing to do with it. It does. You don't have an answer. There could be someone in the back that they don't see. That's paying. Okay. Now. So why would they intentionally do that?

Can you tell me what your location has done to be transcompetent? Because clearly they are not. Well, it's just tough because you're, he, okay, they made a mistake and what should he kill himself? Like, where do we go from here? Right. You know, my name is Mark. You call me Mike.

I just, I go, yeah, yeah. How you doing? You know, like, I get it. I'm just starting to hurt her and all that and she's trans and whatever, but like, yeah, they fucked up and it's over now. And he's apologized. Like, what else can you do? Yeah.

He goes on to apologize literally 18 more times and the person just lambat. Like, it just like, it's become this game of like, how do I catch someone to feel? And then that makes you feel some type of way. Yeah. That's the sick game, I think that I don't understand that much, like this internet game of like, who do I, how can I catch someone? like, you know, who do I catch with a bag of N words over here? You know, or like, uh, like how can I go back in your time in your life

and see if you wrote down the N word on a napkin, you know, it's just like, in the nineties, when it was nobody's perfect. Now, if it, if you're not perfect, we'll figure it out and ruin your life. Yeah. You know, and it's, it's weird because like, if you say like retard or something, they'll come after you and they go, that's him. That's where's your compassion? That's so mean to retards.

And you're like, yeah, yeah, I get it. But where's your compassion for me fucking up? Well, I mean, you're, you're, you're, you can't have it both ways. If you want compassion, you got to be compassionate too. And it's just a, I'm not yelling it at a retarded person. Right. I'd never do that. No.

I'm calling my buddy, Ernie, retarded. Yes. And we all know Ernie's a fucking tart. Oh, well, we've been around him. Yeah, exactly. You know, even his, both of his wife's that left him. Okay. For reasons they didn't want to disclose in court.

Jerking off with conditioner, which is a child's move. Yeah, come on. At least get the lotion, Ernie. Yeah, just sad to see. Yeah, you hate to see it. And I think eventually it'll, things will flip where people will turn on that person. Person, yeah. Yeah.

I think enough so where there's just like, I also think that whole thing is losing its value, you know, it's like, um, if everything is an 11, nothing is an 11. Right, right. Right, but the scary part is when the platforms that own our ability to communicate. That's when it gets real scary. Yeah, that's what I was going back to corporations, right? Yeah, that's what I think.

People were like, this person's the president, this person's the president. I'm like, AT&T is the president. Yeah, exactly. We owe them money. I don't know Biden any money. Yeah, Biden's giving me money, actually. Yeah, dude, buy their fucking, bro, the government won't give anybody money. I know, it's the best loan ever.

Does money, it almost doesn't even seem real anymore sometimes. No, money is completely just in, up in the air, poof, you know, it's on your phone. You don't see, it used to go here, here's 20 bucks. And it was 20 and you earned it, there was a thing. Right, now it's just, whoop, there you go, I just sent you money. Like, what do you mean you sent me money? That's the new normal. Money has no value, no meaning.

Used to mow a lawn and they'd put, they'd put the money in there. Put it in your pocket, you had a wallet. You felt the money and you felt some, like there was a thing, like I did something. Yes. Look what I have. Exactly. Now you can't, it's just, you can't even show it, nobody cares, there's no. No, and that doesn't work at a strip club, what am I gonna, Venmo this skank?

Yeah. Come on, no, you put a dollar bill in there. Soon, yeah, it used to mean something and you were halfway into the panties when you put that thing in there. I know, that was exciting. Oh. Um, do you, has it been tough for you to like, since your hour, did you wait to get a whole new hour to go out?

Uh, well, I was writing a lot while having that hour because I was, it wasn't getting embarrassing, like I did that hour for years and I would go to clubs and they'd go, hey, I like you man, but I came out last year and did the same shit and I was like, yeah, you're right. Really, you? Well, I just. You're like the most prolific. I try to be prolific, but I was really trying to hammer that hour and just really perfect

it and hone it. So, once I heard one guy say that, it blew my mind and I changed immediately and just was writing like a machine, but now I have like a new 45 that's not on anything and it's cooking. Yeah. But you always got to have that new stuff kind of on the back burner. Yeah. Because when you put, you're putting out a thing.

Yeah. And are you nervous? Because now you're back to zero. Yeah. I got about, yeah, I'm doing like 50 minutes right now, which is about the amount of time I do. Sometimes I'll do up to an hour. That's perfect.

But I think sometimes people also want to go, they want to see, they want to enjoy it. They want to go back home. But yes, 50 minutes is perfect. But it also depends if the vibe of the show is going great, then it's great. Yeah. If the vibe's not, then I got to grab some old stuff and kind of put it in. You got that right.

And so that definitely gets kind of scary and I'm just waiting for like moments that happen where I'm like, oh, I found this is good. This is good. I know. I can use this. This is going to be perfect, you know? Let's get this, let's get this question right here that came in from Jack Harlow. Harlow, good name.

Jack Harlow. Yeah. What's up, Theo? What's up, Mark? My name is Tyler from Texas. So there was this HBO show called Talking Funny with Ricky Gervais, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock and Louis CK where they sat down for like an hour long discussion or whatever. And part of that they were talking about their different methods for building an hour for

their act or whether maybe it's going to become a special or whatever. And Jerry Seinfeld took the approach of like you take about 20% remove it and cycle in your new stuff that way. And so over time your act is this like ever-evolving piece. I got to see Mark a couple of months ago and I kind of noticed something similar with his material where it's like there's definitely like staple jokes of yours as well as like you trying in the new stuff. And this is a great set, by the way.

I was curious, is that something that you picked up from Seinfeld, that kind of method of removing a little bit of the old to push in the new or you know, what's your general method for building an hour? Same question Theo. Gang, gang. Thanks guys. Gang, baby. I'll let Mark answer it.

Thank you, Tyler, for the question, man, for paying attention to the show. What do you think, Mark? Well, first of all, I can't believe anybody cares about stand-up who doesn't do it, which is, I always assume when we go into stand-up, people get bored. Yeah. But maybe not. Maybe not. You know, at Comic-Con apparently, but yeah, I think he nailed it.

It's just kind of the natural progression. You got your pillars, like I'll do the plant joke and then I'll do the car joke and these murder every time. So you kind of pepper those in like M&Ms and trail mix, like oh, that's the good stuff. And then you try your new and you got your half-baked idea and then when you start losing them, hit them with another M&M and then you close with a big M&M at the end. But eventually, in natural progression, the new stuff will grow and be great and then you can just start letting go of those M&Ms and just fluff off and then you got a new

hour. But it takes a while. Yeah, it takes a while. It takes a while and I think that's one thing that's scary about putting stuff out. I think like I got this special coming out and I think a week and a half or something, but sometimes I wish like, man, I think the true value would have been in not putting it out at all and just touring forever, just touring. Not just with that material, changing my material, but not having like these definitive moments

where I have to change it. The Jay Leno method. He never put an album out because he was like, I want to keep this, which I don't know. Maybe there's good and bad to both. If you put this out, it'll force you to write new shit, which is going to suck, but you have to do it. But if you don't put it out, you can just kind of do it forever and there's no, sometimes we need a deadline as comedians.

We're a bunch of lazy cucks. Yeah, we are kind of, huh? I think we can get lazy. We would get lazy because we knew we were capable of making things happen at the last minute. Exactly. Exactly. That book report, man.

You would wing that fucking thing. Dude. Wing it, bro. I remember one time it was about, I don't even know what it was about, but I remember taking a bunch of stuff out of our kitchen and putting it in a bowl and then putting like this, like something on top of it and you had to put your hand in there and reach it and grab. Like, literally did it in the morning before school.

Didn't make any sense. Yeah. And got an A and there'd be like some girl who'd like made some shit out of like fondant or something. And fondant also went to our school, dude. Fondant, uh, Bayham, that was a girl that went to our school. Fondant. Yeah.

Bro, the best, the best black names I feel like we're in Louisiana. Oh yeah. We had some great ones, but then the last thing would be kind of normal. It would be like Latrine Williams. Yeah. You know? Bayham, Washington, Wilson. Yeah.

That's all presidential. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go figure that out. Yeah. That's where you need to go.

Look, if we want to trace some, some, some lineage of some real shady shit, man, let's start calling out people with the last name Truman. Okay. That's what I'm saying. If there's a Donnie Truman out there or freaking Randall Truman, bro, we see you fam. I know. And George Washington must have been plowing a ton of Afro-americanes because there's

so many are named after him. He was like banging the whole NBA. Yeah. I know. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Good for him. Unbelievable.

But yeah. Good for you. I can't wait to... You got a title for it or is it a secret? The special? It's called Regular People. Ooh. All right.

All right. Regular People. I can't wait to watch because I love a special because you get that intro, you get the crowd. I get to see... I've never seen your whole hour. Yeah. So I'm excited to watch. Thanks, man.

Yeah. And yours people can watch it if they haven't seen it. It's on YouTube. Yeah. You got that right. Out to life. Yeah. A lot of ways.

Real envious, man. Just the fact that you still own it, man. That's real. There's so much. There's something about that. For me, that's like the biggest thing I feel like. Yeah. Yeah.

I could do anything. I could sell it to Lithuania Television or some shit. Right. You know? Get a couple paychecks off of it. But it's nice. I can chop it up. I can do whatever I want with it.

It's nice to own. Yeah. Because Netflix, I mean, look, we all love Netflix, but they own your shit and you get one check and that's it. Yeah. It's kind of scary. No residuals, no nothing. Yeah.

It's a little scary, man. It's a little scary. And then also the way that things can just disappear right there, that things can just disappear so easily on Netflix. Yeah. Whereas I feel like if you get a hint of you on YouTube, say somebody watches a clip of you and I. Right?

Yeah. Then there's a chance they're going to get served this whereas on YouTube, on Netflix. Right. I'm not in a bunch of stuff on Netflix. So it's not like you're going to see me and then they're going to say suggest this. Yeah. And if you don't get suggested something, you never find it. It's over.

Yeah. Netflix is a real grab bag. You know what's weird about Netflix too is you go to your friend's house and you're scrolling through his. You're like, none of these shows are on mine. What the hell is all this? Yeah. Because they put you in this algo and then you got a whole different algo.

Yeah. It's weird. It's like going through your friend's cupboard. You're like, damn, I never heard of, you know, twisty fruits. Yeah. But that's in your world. And you go back to my world and it's cocoa puffs. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like we're all in different algorithms, but there's not that it's like, that's the thing. We're all falling into these algorithms. That's the presidents, man. Those are the presidents of the corporations, man. It really is. That's it.

Yeah. It's like, it's going to become like, oh, we were algorithm buddies or something like that's going to be a term one day. Yeah. Like, dude, we were freaking algo babies. We've, you know, both of our moms were in the same algorithm. Yeah. That's true.

We need your algorithm. Somebody will literally read someone's algorithm and predict their future, which will be so easy to do. Yeah. They said Sam Harris said, your phone knows you're gay before you do. Wow. And it's true because it'll notice like, oh, you stopped on this hot guy picture for longer than you stopped on the hot girl or whatever.

So. Yeah. Maybe you'll decorate your room with this pink sea salt, huh? Yeah. Exactly. And my girl, she, you know, it's hard to buy presents for your girlfriend because you don't know what the hell they want and you don't want to fuck it up, but her phone goes, you'll like this.

And I'm like, I need to get in tune with her phone to know what the gift is. Yeah. The phone knows her better than I know her. I can't get her off. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That vibration though, she puts it down there and calls herself. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's look at, let's get a couple more questions that came in from Mark, man, and then we'll put them on his way. You got a handsome fan base. I got to tell you. Oh, thank you, man.

Yeah. We got a lot of great people, man. We got a lot of great people. Just hit the road, dude. So crazy to see people come out. Isn't that crazy to see people come out crazy and you want to give everybody their time? Oh, you want to give everybody it's like you want to thank, it's like you want to thank them so much.

I know. Like you just. Oh, it's hard. And it feels exhausting. Yeah. You're like, I've been waiting so I've been trying my since I was nine years old to make you laugh and finally hear you and I are. Yeah.

Totally. And then, then you go hide in the green room. Yeah. Weirdest. Weirdest thing, but that's how it is. Look at the eye for. Theo, Mark. What's up, boys?

How's it going? Theo saw you out in Cedar Rapids last year. Killer show. It was great meeting you, man. Mark, longtime listener, a Tuesdays with stories. Love the pod. No homo. Um, my question for you guys is what's the craziest heckler story you've ever had?

And I'm not talking just like, you know, some banter back and forth. I'm talking about like got pissed, rushed the stage, et cetera. Um, I've never heard that asked on here before and I just wanted to know. Thanks guys. Love you both. Cheers, brother. Thank you. That's a classic.

That's a good one. You got one. Well, I've had so many bad heckles, uh, but the one that really fucked me up was I was doing a, I was kind of new. I was probably like three, four years in. I got a college gig, which was huge. Yeah. I was like, let me fly you down, put you up, and I was in Florida and it was called Florida

Atlantic. It was an all black school, which I didn't know, but I don't give a shit. So I show up and I had to follow a rap group. It was like kind of a talent night. I had to follow a rap group and they were like twirling shirts going, kill whitey, fuck the cops. I'll kill you. You know, fuck this bitch or whatever.

And they're killing it. Like the whole place is jumping. Yeah. Yeah. It was a DNC basically. Yeah. Yeah. I remember there was like a little cute nerdy black girl with a clipboard going, okay,

you're next. And I just want to let you know it's very diverse. Like it's not diverse. It's all black. I'm the diversity, but whatever. So it was me and this other kid and we were both supposed to do 30 minutes. So you know, these people don't want 30 minutes of one guy. So he goes up first and they trash him immediately and he gets off after like a minute and a

half. And I was like, what are you crazy? You got to do your time at least. So he's like, fuck this. I'm out of here. I'm calling my agent. He was like a, he had self esteem. This guy.

Oh yeah. Yeah. So then I'm like, all right. And then they bring me up like, oh, we got another live one coming up. Oh baby. And then he's looking at me like, oh, this guy's a goner. Like I totally set up for failure. So I walk on stage and I'm walking to the mic.

The mic is like right where that camera is and I haven't gotten there yet. And some guy goes, look at this fag kills, kills, it's a huge laugh. So I was like, all right, all right, I can handle this. So I was in such a New York state of mind, I was like, damn man, what if I was actually gay? And he goes, no, no, you are, that got in the pause break. He's getting high five. They're crowd surfing this guy, he's a hero.

And then I try to do 20 minutes on Uber after that and they just ate my lunch for half an hour. But I did my time. Yes. Yeah. But it was brutal, man. That was, I was just watching my watch tick, long 30, like the Irishman. Why do you think?

Oh, the Irishman is unbelievably bad. So long. Doesn't even make any fucking, or the departure, whatever. I don't even know the difference between the two. The fucking shit's horrible. You know what I'm saying, dude? Some of it's so fucking bad. I would rather watch that guy shameless from WWE wrestle.

That seems more authentic to the Irish mafia. But dude, why is it that comedians can take that fucking with that thing? Because that's for some people that would kill them. That would put them into a mental breakdown. That's true. I think because we have, our mind is already so mean to us. So we're like, oh, I can handle this. And they were kind of laughing.

So in a weird way, I was like, they're trashing me. I'm the punching bag. But at least I'm creating entertainment, even though I am the butt of the joke. We're all having a good time. I mean, I'm not. But they are. Right. So there's a part of me like, all right, at least this is kind of fun for them.

But it was, it was harsh. Yeah. Even though I'm the butt of the joke, at least they're having a good time. Yeah. Like if I wasn't there, they wouldn't be laughing. Right. And it's, they're mocking me. And it hurt.

But at least I'm a part of something. Yeah. So I took it. Yeah, man. I, I have one like that university in North Florida. They booed us off this. They booed me off the stage. They didn't know I had to come back out in Florida.

Yeah. They didn't know I had to come back out between each, it was a battle of the bands. Oh, yeah. They didn't know I had to come back out again between each band. I burned all my, I was supposed to do five minutes between each band, right? I told them I had 40 minutes. Yeah. I had fucking 18 minutes.

Woo. I burned it all out of the first time and I had to come back out fucking like six more times. Oh my God. You just got to start riffing. What, what is that? A clock over there? Holy hell.

Oh, it became a running gag when I ran, at least about the third time, the fourth time it was like, no way this dude's back. I actually physically became the joke. There was one time and they used to have this room in LA called, um, it was like at a bar cafe in UCLA in Westwood. And it was like, uh, college kids are ruthless. Yeah. And it was UCLA bar.

So there's no chick. It's a, it's a sad environment for college, compared to what college most college kids are used to. Yeah. So one kid start tackling me in the awning of his duties, talking shit, right? I got just lost it, man. I get off stage. Uh-oh.

I'm coming at the dude. Start choking him. What? Yeah. Choking the guy. Wow. And I didn't realize I had the mic in my hand the whole time. I'm choking him, right?

Yeah. I get it all. It's crazy. And I'm like, why were you being so mean to me? Just the fucking lamest thing you could say to somebody. Yeah. But that was, that if people were dying laughing because he and I are tussling, the mic is right there.

Good for you. But I had one similar Hartford funny bone. This is years ago. It was probably like 25 people in the room. I'm eating my ass. This guy is in the front row. I'm talking a real nerd guy, like fat guy with glasses and a beard. But he had a woman with him and another, like a sister and his cousin or something.

And he's just, this guy is like a loser. And I'm bombing. And they keep doing the thing where they mimic my bomb. Like I'd be like, oh, Mick Ultra, huh? That's the punchline you go, Mick Ultra, whew, that was bad. And then I'd be like, well, what about a Shag Carb, but he's like, Shag Carb, but nothing there, you know? And it was, no one could hear it but me.

Yeah. So he was like taunting me. So I just lost it on this guy and I was like, fuck you, you piece of shit. And apparently he was like kind of downsy or something. So maybe he was not fucking with me. Maybe he was just being retarded or something. But I didn't know that and I kept going at him. And this is when it gets really bad.

When you're like, fuck you and I just got angry, it wasn't even funny. And this guy in the back goes, go easy on him. So I go, well, fuck you too. What the hell? I'm up here alone, blah, blah, blah. So eventually the guy got up, the retarded guy got up and was like, what the fuck? And I was like, oh, shit, this guy's all, you know, a little, little melted. And I was like, oh, shit, all right, well, what are you going to do?

And they threw the kid out and they had to throw him out and like, he was like kind of moaning and stuff. Oh, it was bad. And then I had, I had like another 20 to do after that. It was a nightmare. So now that other crowd hates me because I, I shit on them. It was going to hell. Yeah.

I didn't know. I didn't know. And look, I had the same thing happen, man. That's a very good story. It's better than mine, but I'm still going to tell mine. Please. I'm in San Francisco and it's like a weed conference or something, right? And I don't even smoke weed.

So I'm at the place, people are blowing weed, smoking the air and stuff. And so I start getting just suited out on stage, bro. There's a guy dressed. It's like the San Francisco weed conference or is this some, some, some, it was bad. Yeah. Um, pre legal or legalized. It's pre legal. Okay.

So we was still a big deal. There were like booths. There was like THC stuff, but it was still, they were pushing the limits. Right. And some guy was dressed like a captain, like a total captain and brings me on stage. At that point, I am so cooked out of my desert. Like the whole people has been blowing joints. It's the, I'm the last act of the day.

It's been an all day affair. There's probably 13 people in a room that would seat maybe 150, all those folding chairs. The guy in the front is mentally disabled, right? Nobody tells me. Nobody tells me. I get up there. I literally didn't even know what was going on. I didn't know that I was a comedian.

I didn't know what was happening. You were that high. I didn't know if I was an auctioneer. I didn't know what was happening. Wow. It was not good. Right. And this guy starts saying stuff, messing with me.

And, um, finally somebody yells out, could have even been you yells out, that guy's retarded. Right. And I was like, well, put a sign on him. You know, right. That's a good line. And then finally, it was the first laugh I got, dude, and I quit. I got down. I was like, I'm done.

I think it had literally been four minutes. But when you're high, four minutes is like a week. I think everybody, the guy there was like, man, you did great, dude. You did great. Oh, good. Made me my money. All right. It was through an agent.

Yeah. They paid me a thousand bucks. Oh, that's big. I was big. Not a bad gig. Just trash this downsy kid and get a check. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

It could be worse. I think it was Bobby A. Bear. I think it was. Oh, deep cut. He passed away, didn't he? Yeah, he did. God, that was crazy. In New Orleans, he was every mom's hunk.

Like he was like the guy all the moms like. Commit your red beans. Yeah. Yeah. I love to have the coach for kids that kick like, you don't need a coat in New Orleans. Like we're doing coach for kids. Every time we kick a field goal, we get it every kid. Every kid gets a coat.

I never thought about that. You're right. It was like, who needs a coat? Eat a meal. Gonna hug. I saw Morris Bart was still going. Yeah. It's crazy.

Is he really? Yeah. I see the billboard. He runs that town. Wow. I'm on your side. One call. That's all.

Chip Forrestal. Oh, yeah. You ever see that? Oh, yeah. Step that used to work for him. Door furniture or 1825. 25. Two lane.

Wow. Now we're doing local commercials. Yeah, dude. That was just fun though. Remember they had Morgas Presents, did you ever see that? Yes. Yes. That was big.

Chop sleigh. Wow. Bring up Morgas Presents. Let's get a picture of it. Yeah. This was pre-internet entertainment. Bro, you know who you gotta go see? Suicide boys, man.

Who's that? They're this New Orleans. They're this New Orleans. It's kind of a rap rock. It's their own thing, man. Really? Yeah. They're great though.

Yeah, let's see Morgas Presents. This was like PBS or a picture. What do you call it? Public Access. Yeah. I didn't, I had to leave New Orleans to realize it was a small town. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't realize when you got somewhere else you're like, oh, they don't even have

that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, Louisiana was nice. That was one thing that was nice about everything kind of had their own shows. Every area and town had their own things. That's another thing that's kind of a bummer about everything getting so commercialized. Just so, like, you know, there's just no more like small chains.

It's just that all of it kind of goes by the wayside. Yeah, yeah. Remember, like, getting a job at the, at the roe bears, I was a bag boy, like, that's over. I don't know. We went Christmas caroling. We went trick-or-treating. It just feels like that's all kind of old now, antiquated.

Yeah, it feels like some things are just, like, some of the fabric of society has come unwoven. I completely agree. And I don't know how and why, and it makes you feel like your life doesn't mean as much because you had really invested in kind of the template of what everything was, you know? Yeah, now meaning is clicks and followers and likes. And now everything is race. Like, every book now is like, why this was racist, you know?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just like, you know, Frederick Douglass was racist. That's all the other day of book. Really? And I'm like, what? Damn. What is that?

What? Like, when is that going to end? I know. Wow. Yeah. Well, it's like you said, you got to have a gotcha on somebody. It's like a kill, you know? Yeah.

And you want a big kill. You want to take down Louie or whoever. It's got to be a big kill. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough, you know? Nobody wants to build you. They just want to tear down shit now. Right.

It's way easier. It is way easier. Yeah. We got to fight. We got to do our best, man. Sometimes. Yeah. Well, I think we're out there.

I think people like us who just kind of want to live and have relationships and connect, I think we're out there. Yeah. I think that's the majority, actually. I do, too. I think a lot of people probably they're just not busy doing all of that shit that other people are doing. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's way healthier. Yeah. It is. You know, sometimes you're on Twitter and you just get wrapped up in this shit. Oh. Then I go see my brother. He's got two kids and he's pushing them on a swing.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's not thinking about this. No. He's worried about his kids getting pudding. Yeah. Yeah. Most people are living.

Yeah. When you get outside of this, most people are living in a pretty regular universe, man. Yeah. Yeah. We just, we can't forget that. Let's get this last question that came in here. Mark and we'll see you on your way.

You got how many shows you got this weekend? Five, six? Six. Three on Saturday, two tomorrow, one Sunday. Is this your first time doing three shows in a night? No. No, I've been doing that a while, but if you want to pop by, I don't know if you're busy.

No pressure. I did it. I am. You have one on Sunday too? Yeah. Six o'clock. Maybe I'll try to make that one. No pressure.

Because I got, I'm heading out of town tomorrow. Oh, okay. Bye. What's up guys? My name is Jake. I'm out here in Houston. Mark, I saw you last time you were out here. It was a great show.

Traveling like y'all do, I'm wondering what's the weirdest proposition that you've gotten from a fan? Like come to my hotel room, come to the bar, thinking more like, have you ever gotten something like, someone's like come to my apartment and bottle feed me or something weird. Anyways, just curious. What animal even asked you that? Interesting. That's a good question.

I've had, definitely had the swingers like, hey, we swing if you're interested, blah, blah, blah. This thing was one guy was like, I live out on a lake in a cabin. I try to say cabin and cottage and I said, cabin. But lived on a cabin in the lake and he's like, come out here, I'll pick you up from the airport. It's like a three hour drive, fly in early, we'll fish, we'll grill it up, we'll watch movies.

And I'm like, dude, this is a lot. I wouldn't do this with my aunt. Right. And you want me to do it? I've never met you, you know? And I know they listen to a lot of pods and they think they know you, but I'm like, that sounds like a nightmare. Yeah.

But. Yes. Extensive. People offer you extensive things. Come in a few days early. Yeah. You know? Let's live it up, man.

Yeah. We'll do something chill, man. We'll get a bounce house. Right, right. You know, we'll hit the grocery. You're like, this is sounding. This is too intimate. Yeah.

It's too, some of it's too intimate. Yeah. And it's nice. You're like, oh, that's sweet. But I would, that'd be work. Yeah. Just the car ride from the airport to your three hour cabin is like, damn, what are we going to talk about?

That's a lot. Yeah. So yeah, this shit like that is tough, but it's also flattering. Right. Yeah, it is flattering that somebody would be brave enough to spend that much time with you. Yeah, exactly. And then I think I'm kind of jealous because I would assume no one would want to hang out

with me, but they're like, oh, he'll want to go. Right. I'm like, what kind of mindset is that? Do you think people want to go hang out with you? Yeah. And then your time gets so busy, you're doing the shows because people want to see the show. Right. That then you don't have as much free time as you used to.

Exactly. And then you got to do your gym. You got to do your solo pod or whatever it is. So it's all such a, it's life, man. It's just where we are. Yeah. Yeah. It could be worse.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to examine it. Yeah. And sometimes the examination is, you know, you have to just be honest about the examination even if, even whether things are going good or not good, you still want to try and get a, be able to look at things.

Yeah. Here, here. We call that dissect and analyze all the time. Yeah. Yeah, man. We're just a couple of formaldehyde frogs out here, man. Oh, you got that right. Boy, remember that show where you cut that open in class?

Oh yeah. And try to get the hot girl in your group. But then you realize how gross it was what you were doing. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. That was better though, because at least you weren't writing or reading. Yeah.

It was weird to cut up on that pig, but it broke up the day a little bit. Yeah. It was kind of an icebreaker too. The teacher I remember was dipping when we did that. Oh yeah? Yeah, that was some real Louisiana shit. We had a teacher that got busted from homosexuality actually. That was a crime.

But he, his replacement came in during the pig cutting. So like second day of pig cutting, we had a new guy. Damn. And it's this bald headed huge guy and he literally was drinking a fucking like four gallon jug of kombucha mushroom juice. No one had ever heard of it. And he's like, I'm telling you, this shit will save lives. And we're like, this guy is fucking insane.

This guy's already starting to eat in the pig. Yeah. It was crazy, bro. The pig he touches and they start coming back to life. But it blew our minds and we'd never heard of it. And then for 10 years I didn't hear it. Right. And then it was like the biggest thing in the world.

But this dude, I got to find that guy and figure out how did he learn about that. Let's get him on the pot. Because that dude was sipping heavy. Yeah. I did shrooms last night. Yeah. Yeah. How was the experience?

Good. I love shroom. I think it's the best drug. Yeah. It's a popular drug, man. I've thought about using it to try and get off of antidepressants. You know, doing the micro nursing. That's what they say.

The micro. It works. It helps the euphoria. Yeah. I've had friends that have had success with it. Because I'm sick of being addicted to like just like even antidepressants like I started taking these bitches a day. Like I don't even know what I'm taking.

Yeah. Am I better? Yeah. Every doctor you can see there's like, oh, just keep taking them. You're taking them. Just keep taking them. See, that's scary. Yeah.

But you seem fine. I mean, I don't know what's going on in the personal life. I feel okay. I think I just, but you wonder like how long, you know. Yeah. Does it ever click? And you go, I don't need them anymore. Right.

My dad was the scary dad growing up, you know, big forearms and he gave you one of these and you act up. Scary dad. And he started taking antidepressants when I was in college. Ray of sunshine. Yeah. So weird. Where he's like, how are you?

He changed his tone and everything. And you're like, you know, you're still flinch because he was so scary, but it, it, 180 of them. Totally different guy. Damn. It's weird. It's almost kind of like, who's this guy? Right.

That's the thing. Yeah. You're like, sometimes that's like, I feel like I, like there's thoughts and ideas. And like, sometimes I think because of real in relationships, I'm unable to connect sometimes. I think sometimes I'm not able to have certain feelings because the medicine kind of just leaves you in the middle. Yes. I think you don't really get the feelings you need to create love with your highs and

lows. I think the high love and Norm always said that he was wildly depressed and people say, you want some pills? He said, no, you got to experience the whole thing, even though it sucks. Yeah. Well, we're out here experiencing it, man, um, out to lunch, right? You got it. You can check out the special on YouTube.

Please go check it out if you haven't and uh, Mark Norman touring and changing his life dude and owning his stuff while he does it, man. You got that right. He's already owned like slavery. Yeah. If it even happened. That's true. I think it's a hoax.

They never found the boats, you know? The Holocaust wasn't really. That's, uh, Mark Norman ladies and gentlemen, thanks for coming, man. Hey, thanks for having me. Good to be here, fatty. Praise Allah. I'll see you on the road. That's good.

Yeah. You