This Past Weekend - E368 Hug Machine

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Theo talks about clowns and magicians, finally getting a tour bus, what his most recent touring was like and takes calls. Happy Thanksgiving! Support Our Sponsors:  Betterhelp: http://betterhelp....com/THEO to get 10% off first month Peloton: http://onepeloton.com get $350 off Peloton Bike+ Beam: http://beamorganics.com/theo to get 40% off first 3 months  Mint Mobile: http://mintmobile.com/theo Upstart: http://upstart.com/THEO Manscaped: http://manscaped.com/theo to get 20% off + free shipping Lets Get Checked: http://trylgc.com/theo code THEO for 30% off your entire order Liquid Death: http://liquiddeath.com   Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek "Get It While You Can" - Robert Finley https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61FcT0T4H6Y Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon  Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon  Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEK Producer: Spencer https://instagram.com/adventuresofspencer Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If there's something that's interfering with your happiness, that's okay. You know, there's nothing wrong with you. You're a regular person and your happiness, your tuner is a little off. It's happened to me. It's happening to me right now probably, but we don't give up. BetterHelp can help. That's right. It'll assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. That's right. Visit betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and TPW listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Theo. If you need help, it's worth a shot. You know, you don't have to wait till the new year to feel great about yourself.
Starting point is 00:00:44 I mean, it's probably, that's what it's, I mean, you can't do it overnight, but you can do it. And one thing you can do it on is that new Peloton bike. That bad boy's $350 off at the moment. That's right. The one you see on television with the fancy-looking wheels and people are happy and the family in the back and everything, that's them. Right now, you get $350 off that Peloton bike. The first offer of the year, visit onepeloton.com to learn more. That's $350 off the Peloton bike at onepeloton.com terms apply. Get ready for the ultimate winter night in brought to you by Beam. Beam is a functional wellness brand that makes products for sleep, calm, focus, recovery, and hydration. For a limited time only, Beam's best-selling sleep product, Dream Powder Hot Coco,
Starting point is 00:01:37 now comes in delicious white chocolate. Head over to beamorganics.com slash Theo. That's B-E-A-M organics.com slash T-H-E-O for 40% off the first three months of any Beam subscription plus a free mug. Subscriptions are month to month and can be paused or canceled at any time. Beamorganics.com slash T-H-E-O. Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death. All right, check, check. Check, check. Happy Thanksgiving week. It's that holidays, you know, I've got to shed the skin of the year and just start slithering into some what I hope is comfort. You know, it can be real stressful, but I want to put my slippers on now. You know, the holidays can be real stressful. You just feel like,
Starting point is 00:02:40 you know, I feel like a voodoo doll for commercialism. You know, here's a deal. Here's this. Here's something. You know, don't you need a shifu robe? You know, it's just something, you know, full sin. Get it. There's just some, here's a deal. You'll see somebody put a damn 10% off fanflit right into a hole where somebody's dead, what's it called? A grave hole. You'll see somebody giving them 15% off like, damn. So you're giving 15% off to a dead guy. He's, he's 100% off. God already gave him 100% off. I'm grateful to be here with you today. I'm grateful to have a smile on my face. I'm grateful to have a face that can smile. All right, we're going to start off the episode with a call
Starting point is 00:03:45 right here. Came in through a cellular call. Hey Theo, what's going on? I called him once before. My name is Will. I just wanted to apologize, you know, right off the bat because I did it. I wore a leather jacket to a Mexican restaurant last week. I took my mom. Look, Will, I don't care if you took a little red riding hood. Okay. I don't care if you've got Goldilocks to wake up and brought that broad out the bear trap, son. You don't wear a leather jacket to a Mexican restaurant. Think about doing it. You don't. Okay. You don't do it. If God himself came back, they might find him at a cantina, but they won't find him in a leather coat. Have some respect for yourself. Have some respect for your mother. Imagine people seeing her
Starting point is 00:04:50 walking in there and the man bringing her in there is some young man in a leather jacket bringing her in there like she's some kind of damn little Latino lollipop. Come on, man. Let's get into it, baby. Life is a salad and the Lord is my vinaigrette, son. You know that. This woman is gonna break my back if you're working for a living, don't give me a heart attack. You got to take it once you can get it. Get it while you can. Wrap it up in bacon, chisel it in a pan. If it don't come in the mailbox, it may come in a moving pan. But you got to take it when you can get it. And get it while you can. I did not know the dealer, but I told him no, his daughter. But if I had to chase the young, I never would have caught him. And you got to take it when you can get it.
Starting point is 00:06:29 Get it while you can. Wrap it up in bacon, chisel it in a pan. If it don't come in the mailbox, it may come in a moving pan. But you got to take it when you can get it. And get it while you can. Whew. You got to take it where you can get it and get it while you can. I hope you're getting some thanks in your life today. I hope you're getting, you know, I hope you're filling your cup up. You know, somehow I do a lot of pouring. I always think my cup is a pitcher. And I forget that I also have to fill up my own cup. You know, I got to, I got to make sure to keep my own cup filled with things that make me joyous.
Starting point is 00:07:31 You know, maybe, you know, petting a damn little animal. You know, picking a, uh, picking a blueberry or something, doing something joyous, whistling. You ever see somebody whistling? Damn, they're doing well. My God, you ever see somebody whistling? You almost want to damn kill them. You almost can't take the joy. They've got so much joy. They damn got a little tune coming out of them. My God. It feels like a lot sometimes, but that's what I got to remember
Starting point is 00:08:19 is I had me a sip of this liquid death that I can't always be a pitcher. Sometimes I got to be a cup. Damn, I'll have nothing and pour you something and tell you it's something. I'll say that. Hey, look, you want to sip? Then you and me, we both sitting there pretending we got water or Kool-Aid or something or a DR pepper. You know, it just, but that's, you know, that's sometimes just how I am, man. Thank you for being here. Happy Thanksgiving to you. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, some people
Starting point is 00:09:10 don't. I think Canadians maybe, but y'all might as well, dude, you know, y'all been locked down for COVID since damn freaking 91 or whatever. They got, I think they took the doorknobs off in Canada. It's locks only. You can't, you can't even get outside if you want. You can't even have a friend. They outlawed handshakes. They outlawed hugs. You just got to stare at somebody real hard from close. You see two people just damn staring at each other. You're like, get a room. It's a different time, different place. I'm happy to be here with you on a solo episode. I was excited. We had a turkey farm ran. If you haven't gotten to check that out,
Starting point is 00:10:01 really interesting to hear what a life is like of a man dealing with that much turkey. Because turkey meat, that's God's titty. You know that. You know, a turkey boy, if you get in there with both hands, you'll find some milk. Praise God, baby. Praise God. Yeah, I'm excited. Got off the road. I'm going to share these trees are so close. We got to take these out, man. I got, I feel like Vietnam came back. I feel like somebody sold me a damn two batches of Vietnam in here. These trees are leaning in on me and God bless them. But come on, fellas. These things could be spies. Who knows? Who knows? Are the artificial plants in your house listening to you? I'm Alex Jones. Are the artificial plants in your house listening to you?
Starting point is 00:11:07 Tune in now. Who knows? We got a lot of great calls that came in, man. Thank you guys so much for hitting the hotline. 985-664-9503. For giving me a life on the air, whatever this show is. I don't know what it is a lot of times, but I know that it's us. I do know that. We got a call that came in right here. Let's check it out. Theo, what's up, buddy? It's your boy Caleb out of Springfield, Missouri. What's up, Caleb? Springfield, Missouri, baby. That's the home of the national anthem, actually, I think, or no. Basketball. Just on my way home from work, man. I'm a bartender mixing up drinks, probably spilling most of them.
Starting point is 00:12:01 But anyway, I thought it was kind of like a question for you, man. Okay. There's a lot of performing characters, you know, like in the performance industry. Which one out of these two do you think houses more pedophiles? Clowns or magicians? Can you hear me out, man? Those clowns, they're coming to your kid's party folding balloons and shit. Well, clowns, I hate to interrupt you, but I can because of these buttons, but clowns is, and thank you for the question, man. I mean, clowns is think about a man putting on lipstick. Okay. And it's legal now, you know, and that's great. Good. Think about a man putting on lipsticks, man, and then imagine they put, he put it on his whole face. That's a clown. A clown is that do when you were young, you gave
Starting point is 00:13:04 him a lipstick or something and he put it on his whole face. That's a clown. You know, they busted a clown in our area when I was young, they busted this fella and everybody at first thought he was just kind of, you know, kind of kind of chubby and had seasonal allergies. But then they realized he was a clown. So they busted him, you know, because I guess at the time, I didn't know if it was even legal to be a clown when I was young. You'd see somebody, you'd see it all the time, the cops pull over a clown like, damn, they got you know, what he do, what he do? You know, and they busted this fella. And I remember he had, he was, he might have been on drugs or uppers or something. Will this plant get away from me? Am I on drugs? But they busted
Starting point is 00:14:10 him on an upper or something. Anyway, they took it, he took his clothes off at the thing at the scene of the, not crime, it wasn't a crime yet. They just pulled him over, he took his clothes off, and he had painted clothes on his whole body. So that's where you're like, what's going on here, buddy. And then it's a crime because now he's naked. So now it's a scene of a crime, the guy basically just DIY crime. But yeah, so that's a clown. I think a clown is somebody that's afraid to ask you to hold their wiener. 100%. A clown is somebody who's afraid to say, hey, whether they're young or whatever age, they're afraid to say, hey, I got something for you. I got that breadless frank. I got that breadless frank for you. I got that freaking, that long beef shellless taco.
Starting point is 00:15:14 They're afraid to say it. And they don't know how to do it. And so they start to paint themselves. You know, like a peacock that peacock will do different variety with its feathers. What is going on? Get away from me. So I had to move that tree. So a peacock will do different variety with his feathers. And I think that's kind of what a clown is a clown, somebody that's afraid to ask you to hold their penis or wiener. The craziest is a female clown. Dude, a female clown. That's the craziest. If you see that, you get 40 points, baby. That's insane. It's like, did somebody molest you at a pizza party or did somebody, you know, somebody, you know, palming that tit at a comic con and you didn't want it? Like, how do you, how do you become a female clown?
Starting point is 00:16:15 That's crazy. And then if you're sexually attracted to female clowns, dude, you got to seek help, I think. But, but who's most likely to molest? That's a good question, man. Or who would I rather get molested by? Let me, let me listen to the end of the question again. I'm sorry, brother. I forgot it. Or magicians. How's this more pedophile? Clowns or magicians? Okay. Well, magicians, a magicians, a magicians is, I think like magicians will touch you. You don't even know it. You know what I'm saying? You wake up in the day, you know, you wake up and you got a little rape kit or something next to you. You know, and I'm not joking about that kind of stuff, but a magician is the kind of guy that'll be like, Hey, you see this rabbit? And next thing you know,
Starting point is 00:17:09 your whole family's got handprints on their nuts. That's a magician. They don't, or they don't, yeah, you don't even know you got molested by magicians. You don't even know it. That's the thing. You might, it might be 20 years later, you pouring yourself a little cup of milk or something and you have that flashback. You know, suddenly you feel, you know, David Copperfield is in you, you know, he's hiding in your buddy's ass or whatever doing something, you know, doing something he shouldn't be doing. Magicians are like that. They're like the silk sheets of, of touching you because you don't even know if they're touching you or not. And next thing you know, your watch is gone and you're sitting in a therapist's office
Starting point is 00:17:56 and you've got two dolls in your hands and you're trying to explain some. You know, one of the dolls has has a top hat on. You're like, and you paying $110 to be in there. That is magicians. They're the silk, silk sheets of touching you. Because silk sheets, silk sheets, you don't, the interesting thing about silk sheets, you don't know you have, if you're under a good silk sheet, you don't even know you can't feel it. You ever get in your grandmother's bed and you went there and you just snuggly like, and you, they got silk sheets because they used to be freaks, son. And they got this and you can't even really feel it on your body, but you know it's there,
Starting point is 00:18:49 you see it, but you can't feel it. That's how magicians, that's, that's, that's how magicians will touch you. A good magician has already molested you. You don't even know it. You just wake up kind of shook in the, in the crotch and in the brain. It's like that touchless car wash kind of, you know, you wet, but you don't know what happened. Yeah. That's magicians, my, that's magicians, baby. So what do you think? Riley, Mal, would you rather get a touch by magician or clown or he had to. Um, I would say probably, I don't know. I would go for clown. Oh yeah. Yeah. Why, why would you say clown? Sorry.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I, I feel like, I mean, you know, magicians, they're, how do I put it? And magicians are, and you probably get approached by a lot of these types. Do you? No, not really. No. Um, I mean, I believe that I'm going to be honest with you. Nobody believes that and I hear you and I'm not trying to denounce what you're saying, but I think people find that hard to believe. Go on though. Sorry. So, I mean, I think, you know, magicians, you know, they're, if you had to have somebody molest you, basically, I'm saying, if you had to have somebody molest you, who would you rather clown or magician or magic man or whatever? Honestly, I don't know. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And I don't want to, you know, pressure you into picking either because it's
Starting point is 00:20:26 unbelievable. It's, you know, it's tough enough. People do get molested all the time and we shouldn't force each other to choose one. So are you okay with that? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. How you been, brother? How you doing on that bust, man? Anything new? I know a lot of people, you had a lot of fans out there. You know, we're shocked at the unbustable Riley Mail, you know, uh, I mean, in prison, you would be a damn, my God. I could do somebody trade you for nine packs of cigarettes and San Quentin right now. You know, um, how's it going with, uh, um, you know, uh, the sexuality and everything you ejaculate. Uh, still the same. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Still trying to find that girl. Wow. So you still have never geysered out really?
Starting point is 00:21:21 Not yet. Mold faithful over here. Damn, boy. You, dude, I can sell you to Elton John right now for Thanksgiving baby. You'd be that little dinner ham son. My God. Well, I'm proud of you, man. Is it, has it been, been getting harder? I'm sure like you've had people in your DMs trying to, you know, maybe holler at you or get you to even just probably damn cough on their plants just to see, you know, just to get them to bloom. I mean, what, have you had anything like that? Um, yeah, I've had many DMs. Um, people are like, yeah, you gotta, you know, you gotta just try. You gotta, you gotta go for it. I'm like, I mean, I don't, I don't respond to them, but what do they mean? They mean ejaculating? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm just like, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:03 it'll come when it comes. Yeah. Yeah, it will. And what about at night or is your body just given out at night? Sometimes you wake up and you just been, you know, and you got, you know, you got something you could sell on the dark web. Not that I could think of. Okay. Wow. Wow. You got holiday plan, Raleigh. Mal. I do. Oh, good. What are you going to get into? I'm going back to California. Oh, really? Oh, wow. And what are you guys having, like a meeting over there or something? Um, yeah, yeah, just a little meeting. Okay. And what is it? Um, you know, just a, just a dinner party. That's it. Okay. Yeah. Nice, man. Enjoyable. You got to celebrate Thanksgiving. I am. Good, man. Welcome, baby.
Starting point is 00:22:50 We're happy to have you. We're happy to have you. Will you stay? Will you stay here with me for a little bit? Yeah. Okay. Cool. Sounds good, man. We've got some great calls that have come in. You know, life is, uh, it's a different bag for different people. Sometimes it's a Versace and sometimes it's a knapsack. You know, sometimes you got to, uh, uh, you got a two me backpack or tummy or two me or tummy. I don't know what it is. T U M I. Do you know what that is? I do. What is it too much information? Yup. Uh, but sometimes, you know, sometimes you have a damn, uh, a, you know, a luggage and sometimes you're holding your nuts. It's just,
Starting point is 00:23:37 there's different ways to carry things and we all carry some type of baggage and, um, we got a beautiful call that came in right here from a gentleman and this is a good, uh, good man and I'm happy that he's calling. Let's hear it. Hey Theo, what's going on? Uh, my name is Dalton. Uh, I've been listening to the show off and on for a while now. Dirty Dalton. Thank you for hitting the airwaves, brother. God loves you. Uh, Dudney Riley. Yeah. God loves everybody. He does. I like hearing it. I knew it and I doubt it sometimes, but I, I believe it onward. Let's hear more. Well, just want to say I love everything you do gang gang, but, uh, a couple of episodes ago, I think it was on the swipe society episode.
Starting point is 00:24:29 You mentioned some about your uncle or I forget who got hit by a train. Yep. My mom's brother actually killed by a rail car onward and died and I can relate because, uh, when I was in high school, it was probably like 10 years ago. I was actually hit by a train, uh, on the way to school. I was walking to school and I lived and, uh, yeah, I don't know if you want me to, I can send you an article linked to the. Oh, damn. I thought you were going to say you could send me a leg or something. Damn, bub. You got hit, baby. I'm sorry, bubby. Damn, Evander Holyfield of vehicles bit this man. God that sniper, baby. That Chevrolet four Pontiac sniper dog got him. Damn Dalton hit by a train. And that's a dude. That's a look.
Starting point is 00:25:35 We've all got a different train in our body. Don't we Riley? Yeah. I mean, you got, you got that slam track is going to fly out of your little body. But my God, Dalton, I'm sorry to hear this, brother. And I, I just never talked to nobody that's been hit by a train because my uncle was dead before I knew him. But I think before I was alive, but God, there must be a small really club of you guys. You guys have a, well, I'm not talking to you. I should probably, uh, let's hear more the article or whatever, but it was a life changing moment for me. Like basically I survived this accident and if I could go back, honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. I would probably get, you know, I wouldn't change. Damn. He would run it back people. Are you hearing what's happening
Starting point is 00:26:30 here? He would run it back to trains. This dude. Wow. He would run it back. What, what is our pain bringing to us? You got me lifted here, Dalton. What is, what is my travesty in my life? What joy where, what is it bringing me? There must be something if this man been hit by a damn train, a train from movies and books, polar express, Tom Hanks shit. And he said, bring it again. Let's run it back. And you got me lifted, Dalton, because you're making me, because I sit here and I cry to myself that my life is bad. My life is too hard. Certain things happen to me and I can't handle it. And you saying, let's run it back.
Starting point is 00:27:54 That's powerful, man. Would you get hit by a train twice, Riley? Uh, no. No. Let's hear more from Dalton, a real man. I wouldn't change a thing. I would probably get, you know, I wouldn't change. I would probably, you know, still get hit by the train. It was such a life-changing moment for me that it was so and it was probably the most important thing to happen to me in my life. It really puts things into perspective, but, uh, yeah, I just wanted to share that thought in my experience. Uh, I love everything you do, bro. Peace out. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:28:43 We got a lot to be thankful for, you know, I'm not man enough to get hit by one train and your boy dirty Dalton, old fricking Amtrak Dalton out here saying, run it back, fam. Load them cars up, put coal in them, put cornmeal in them, put lead in them, put another train in a car, in the train and let's run it back. You feel the power in that rally, Mal? I do. You think you, you think you, I'm not man enough to say hit me twice train? Are you? No. I'm not man enough to say hit me once train, but when I look at the trains on my track, man, there's, you know, am I, am I willing to say, hey, let's do this again, just to see what I can become. If I go through this one more time,
Starting point is 00:29:52 it's a weird time to sell you stuff, but fitting right in with the holiday season. What would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? What would you do? Well, maybe you get your little vacation or something, get your wife a little aquarium. You know that bitch you've been saying for years, get me wet. Well, here's a fish tank, mommy. Now you go, you know what I'm saying? And here's your little gift card or something, go get you a little something you handle it. Daddy did his job. If you're carrying a credit balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never ending cycle of debt. That's true with no end in sight. Upstart can help you make that final payment so you can get ahead.
Starting point is 00:30:35 If you dread looking at your credit card statement, you're not alone. Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online. You can check your rate without impacting your credit score in minutes for loans between 1000 to $50,000. There you go. Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash thio. That's upstart.com slash Theo. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you loan amounts will be determined based on credit income and certain other information providing your loan application upstart.com slash Theo gentlemen, the holidays are upon us. And that means you got if you want, if you're going to use a little mistletoe, baby, you want to make sure that, uh, that the
Starting point is 00:31:26 ladies can see it or the men's can see it. You can't be having mistletoe if you got to trim the shrubbery. If you want, if you want to see that dangler, what I'm talking about a manscaped manscape, that's a great gift. I used mine this morning, trimming up this little goat. Go to manscape.com slash Theo for 20% off and free shipping. Yep, that's right. The leading men's hygiene brand has launched new products, all new ultra premium body wash and two in one shampoo and conditioner. Take care of yourself. Look nice. Come out. There's going to be a moment where you're going to come out the back room. Your family's already in the front room for the holidays. Come out there looking fresh. Take care of yourself when you rather hug your grandmother
Starting point is 00:32:16 in law and know when your body has no hair on it. Manscaped can help. Manscaped can help. The lawnmower 4.0 electric trimmer proprietary advanced skin safe technology. You won't be bleeding on grandma. Get 20% off and free shipping by going to manscaped.com slash Theo. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash Theo. Clean up your candy cane this year with manscaped. Do you give your body hair, rally male? You get pubic hair? I do. Okay. And do you treat it or you're still in a safe zone? Still in a safe zone. My man, my man, my man. What are you thankful for this year, bub? Oh man, I'm thankful for definitely not thankful for having a girlfriend because I don't have one. There you go. Now tell me this though. Are you
Starting point is 00:33:16 saving yourself for marriage? You're just saving yourself for a woman. I'm a little confused on that. Yeah, pretty much for marriage. Okay. But you got to start the first ingredient in that food, man. Right. And have you been on any dates recently? I was on one. Cool, man. It was just the coffee date. It was from Hinge, but it wasn't anything. And what would you wear? I just wore a nice shirt, slacks. Oh, nice shirt is good. Some cologne. You did? I did. Wow, you went cologne, huh? Oh yeah. Oh, damn, boy. Damn, big daddy, huh? Splashing that up. God, did you smell good, you think? I did. Did she say anything about it? She did not. That's good. One of my friends told me that I did smell really nice though, so. That's good. That'll, that'll keep you alive. I mean,
Starting point is 00:34:15 that's kept me alive before somebody telling me that kind of stuff. It's a simple compliment, but it can do a lot. Right. And so when you got to the date, was it, was it comfortable or uncomfortable? Right when you saw her, were you, was it a good energy? Tell me about it. Yeah, no, it was a great energy. She just never responded back to me after the date. Okay. So she didn't really feel that lifelong deal. Right. Okay. And was she redheaded or brownheaded or what? Uh, she was, she was like a mixed brunette blonde. Oh God, she sounds hot. That's good. Can you draw a picture of her you think if you had to? If I tried, yeah. That's awesome. I love that. All right. Let's get into some more voicemails
Starting point is 00:35:06 that came in man. As always the hotline 985-664-9503. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Riley. Happy Thanksgiving Theo. Hey, this is Maddie Camacho. I was just wondering if you know of any tour dates yet that are going to be happening in 2022. I was thinking of getting my boyfriend a ticket for me and him to one of your shows as a Christmas gift. I thought that'd be like the best Christmas gift ever. Well, thank you, Maddie. Sorry to cut you off. But I'll listen a little more. Sorry. Because we love you, but I just didn't know if you have any dates yet that you haven't released for 2022. Okay. Yes, I do. I don't know. I know Florida is going to happen in February. I know, you know, there's less restrictions on theaters and places. So that's why I've been staying in
Starting point is 00:36:03 some warmer climates. So Florida will happen. There will be some other places happening in February. Canada, it looks like is going to be in late April and May. So I mean, we're going to be going to places in Canada that I don't even know if they exist. So that should be interesting. You see them online, but you know, Canada is basically like that. It's like that kind of that. It's like that safe Russia. You know, you'll see like a whole town online, but you get there and it's nothing. It's a Christmas village sale or something. Or it's just a lot of camera work and, you know, a lot of bullshit, you know, a lot of people just eating, you know, a lot of people fucking just looking at each other's nuts. But, um, but yeah, so there will be I, I hope to have them
Starting point is 00:36:55 on sale in the next two weeks. So yeah, so there should be some available, uh, for around then. Oh, and also, uh, Coachella, California. That's December, I think next Saturday. What's next Saturday? The date, do you know? Really? No, we've fourth. Yeah, there's December fourth or fifth in Coachella, California at the spotlight 29 casino. Those tickets are on sale through Theo Vaughn's Theo Vaughn.com slash tour. So thank you guys for the support there. Um, yeah, the tour. So let's get into the tour. So we got a tour bus that we leased. So that was really, you know, for me, it's really about just having just, just taking the pressure off myself instead of trying to arrange like, you know, or work with my tour manager to arrange like, uh,
Starting point is 00:37:53 a Sprinter van or this or that. Uh, this time we decided to get a tour bus and it was exciting. You know, you sleep in there. So it's, you kind of like, uh, you get, it gets a little hamster cagey. You know, you definitely, now I see why hamsters have a wheel in there because your blood, you get real coagulated. You just get real, you know, everybody is like on the same menstrual cycle or whatever, even if it's men, you know, everybody's just noses will start bleeding at the same time for no reason. It's just, um, because we just had three men in there. It was myself, Ari Manis, who was the opener. Uh, and then the, the, the bus driver, Bizzle Gibbons, uh, no, is the tour man, Bizzle Gibbons and he's a Canuck and, uh, and then Mr.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Gary was the, the bus driver and I grew up with a kid named Gary. So I'm used to being around Gary's and Gary's, you got to get used to it's, it's easy though. Gary's are usually pretty docile, you know, but you got to get used to them. Uh, and I didn't see the bus driver for the first four days because basically you get done with the show, you go to bed and he comes on and drives at night. He's almost like, um, who's the person that gets in your dreams and makes you do or makes things happen. Riley, who is that? Do you know? I don't. Great. Uh, the guy that gets in your dreams, he like, oh, I'll see what I'm going to do here. Like a dream man. You look that up for me. Do you mind? Yeah. By the way, do you have a password for the computer? What? Uh, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:56 You don't have it? No. Unbelievable. Never mind. Uh, we'll be fine, man. Uh, okay. What are we living in people? How many trains have you been hit by son? Where are we? This is the problem with society. This is why, you know, glad to have you here, brother. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Riley. Um, all right, let's just keep it moving. Uh, oh, but yeah, so I never saw Gary. You get in there, you go to bed, you wake up. I got a little bit of nice, you know, you know, there was one time I had a little bit of interaction with a woman, you know, a little bit of sexual, if you will, not full sexual, but definitely, you know, being around each other and seeing what was happening at a close range, a lot of close range, basically. So that was good to get involved in a little bit
Starting point is 00:41:01 of close range and know I'm straight and know everything is chill. Always a good time. Um, um, but the nice thing too was sitting in, uh, in God bless that woman. And also, uh, the nice thing was sitting as the bus drove through the countryside, just sitting in the back and you're looking out the window and you're like, damn, okay, beautiful, beautiful. Let me look over here. Oh, fine as hell. And it's nature. It's not bitches, dog. It's nature because nature is all the bitches. If you really give a good look at it, nature is all the bitches, man. And I got my hand in my pants now and I'm taking it out. Okay. But here's some questions that came in from you guys, um, just from the tour and stuff like that. So, uh, let's get into a couple of them.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Hey Theo, man, this is Max. Uh, I'm out here in Columbus, Ohio. Uh, I'm a big Max and Max is as much as you can have. So that's quite a, that's quite a responsibility as a person onward brother security, uh, guard and visitor experience, a gallery guard at the Columbus Museum of Art here in the city. Uh, watch after that art. Oh damn, baby. So you, you garden art. You that frickin Vincent van gangbanger son, you out there, huh? You Banksy Siegel. You out there, you quick drawing McGraw baby, you garden art. Damn boy, keeping them batches off the match of sketches. Daddy, let's go onward this past weekend. I got to go to your show, uh, over at the theater in here in Columbus. First time I got to see you.
Starting point is 00:42:58 So man, that was huge. I've always wanted to call you and just tell you this this past weekend. I finally got to go see your show. I've been, uh, listened to your podcast since 2018 and I love what you do. I really love you, man. Your inspiration, uh, to me, a lot of people. So yeah, I just want to call and say thank you for a great show, uh, this past weekend. I'm still thinking about it. How much fun I had. You were just a fantastic, uh, comedian, fantastic entertainer. And, uh, yeah, I love you, bro. All right. I just thought I'd let you know that. Thank you so much. Oh, thanks man. That's nice of you to say it, dude. I appreciate it. I probably let that go on too long with you saying nice stuff, but, but thank you man. I'm glad you had fun. Your voice just
Starting point is 00:43:44 makes me sound excited. I'm excited because you're excited. You know, I'm glad that, uh, that we could, that you could do that and feel some, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really am. I'll say this by the time that show got to Columbus, that thing was hot. Dude, that second show, I should have done 40 shows in Columbus and we'll probably come back through. Um, some places, you know, we just, I've been having to mitigate the, the amount of shows I can do in cities because, uh, just my, I've just been dealing with a lot of stress and stuff, you know, but, um, but you, but do when I got off those two shows, color, it was hot from where this tour started in St. Louis when people were just, you know,
Starting point is 00:44:30 there was some guy who was belt, who couldn't stop belching in like the fourth row. They kept his wife's like, you know, doing reverse CPR on him. He's breathing through his wife, just some guy who just had, just had too much meat. You know, some guy that was just overmeaded and he can't handle his own life. And now his wife's having to hold down his, uh, body air, you know, from that, from those shows at the bar that where it was just louder, more drastic. And then you get to call out, you get to whoo, whoo, all aboard son. This train don't stop here anymore. I don't think that's an old song. I don't know if it is or not. Shit. I might have made that shit up. I might have never even heard that shit. You ever do that? You ever started singing a song?
Starting point is 00:45:18 You don't even know if you ever fucking heard the song, baby gang. Um, but thank you, brother. You stay hot on that art, fam. Let's hear another call that came in right here, man. Gang gang. Hey Theo, this is Alex for Maine. I saw you in Portland this past Tuesday with my girl. I was a guy wearing the shirt with bananas on it, that blue shirt hit her. The show was awesome. You were so funny, man. Thank you, Alex. Thank you for bringing your lady out and making the evening. It was a guy, if you've never been to Portland, Maine, it is amazing city. Amazing city. It blew my mind that that's what was happening up there, that that's what God put up there. I thought it was a couple of people up there. You know what I'm saying? Freaking trying to,
Starting point is 00:46:11 you know, use a crowbar to get in up in each other's clam holes. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people out there trying to use a damn shoehorn and trying to shoehorn their way into a little net. Gang baby onward. I was just curious. Did you in the show early because of the kind of loud possibly drunk people who kept yelling out? There was a lady a few rows behind me who yelled out like your ass is hot or something. And like people laughed. White lady, probably off of it. But then she did a second time a few minutes later and you looked a little bothered. Oh, they want that gristle daddy. No, no, I didn't. I didn't. Portland show. Let me think. No, we got off stage. Oh, no, I remember we didn't end early. I think we did about a 50 minute set.
Starting point is 00:47:00 And then we did meet and greet or, you know, just I was feeling pretty good. My energy was feeling good. And so we got to meet some people. You know, just just met who was around. So I think that was pretty much it. I loved it there. I loved Portland that Tuesday night. You know, I have a special place in my ticker. In my heart, my Corazon for Portland. You know, I used to I remember touching a girl's body when I was young up there off of Islesboro's Island. And I don't know who I think it's named after like Larry Islesboro's or something. I don't know. But oh, I remember being in an abandoned summer home in an attic in Maine and touching some girl's body and a bat tried to attack me. Same time. And it's hard to play the fiddle when freaking
Starting point is 00:47:58 Satan's trying to, you know, when he's sending one of his little hit men at you, you know, when he's sending that little fucking dirt sparrow at your dog. So, you know, when Voldemort's got that little fucking, you know, when, you know, you got that little Voldemort's goose out there hitting the air that bat. So that was tough. I remember trying to, you know, be really, you know, I was young and I was trying to really enjoy this girl. But, you know, my, you know, we were doing body time a little bit, you know, a lot of close range. And that bat. So anyway, I have a special place in my heart for Maine. And Maine, they can't, everybody out there doesn't say it's crazy. Everybody out there is fucking crazy dog. Maine is crazy, man.
Starting point is 00:48:47 We got some lobsters. We went in the late, I was like, how's the lobster? She's like, it was swimming out there yesterday. And she literally pointed to the water. So that's God, baby. That's God, dude. That's God's sink up there, Maine. So there we are. I'll tell you this, man. We'll get into some more. Thank you guys for being here today. I'm going to let you know that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service, starting at just 15 bucks a month. And when I heard it, I said, well, where's the cash? Just seem fictional. Well, after speaking with them and using their service, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they're the first company to sell wireless
Starting point is 00:49:38 service online only by cutting out retail stores. That's what they do. So I know it's tough to realize that that's where we are in the world, but that's where we are. We don't need the store sometime. You can just get the product. Yep, for people looking for extra savings, Mint Mobile offers premium wireless just 15 bucks a month. All plans come unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash Theo. That's mintmobile.com slash T H E O. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash Theo. You know, I'll tell you this, my testosterone, it gets a little dicey. If I'm in traffic,
Starting point is 00:50:32 that shit is hot. You could, you know, my kettle is rocking, baby. I got some steam coming off of me. You could hear that whistle. You could hear that whistle in my missile, baby. But a lot of guys have started using replacement testosterone replacement therapy. That is true. If you're experiencing symptoms like low energy or fatigue, erectile dysfunction, yep, low sex drive or libido, anxiety brain fog, in large breast tissue, bloating headaches. Jesus Christ, who is this guy? I'm excited to share today's sponsor with you. It's Let's Get Checked. That's right. Let's Get Checked is the leader in at home testing. Yep. That's right. Simply go to their site or to the male hormone advanced testing kit. It arrives in a small discrete package. Do a small finger prick.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Send the sample back to their lab. And it arrives at your door. Back to their lab with prepaid shipping label in two to five days, you get your results. Let's Get Checked, male hormone advanced test, the perfect kit to get a comprehensive look at your male hormone levels. Know your levels always important. It's fast, affordable, convenient, and totally confidential. Use code THEO for 30% off your entire order at TryLGC.com slash Theo. That's LGC stands for Let's Get Checked. TryLGC.com slash THEO. That is code Theo for 30% off your entire order at TryLGC.com slash Theo. If you want to know what's going on with your levels, if you think something's going on, at least now you can know. How you holding up Riley?
Starting point is 00:52:31 Doing great. Yeah. What are you getting for Christmas? You asking Santa for anything or anybody or your somebody parents? Yeah, asking for a girlfriend. Fuck really man. Yeah. Are you joking with me? Are you really want a girl? Yeah. Wow. Bub. Yeah. Now, are you worried that if you, if a girl come along, you could just, she might not even, you know, you're just going to take, you know, sometimes somebody serve you something and you don't know what's in the kitchen because you haven't really had a, had a snack. Right. Are you worried about that at all? Not really. And how quick can you get from first date to marriage? Do you think in y'all's religion?
Starting point is 00:53:16 Not sure. There you go. Damn. Well, you never know, boy. Damn. You willing to get there though? Yeah, definitely. Say you meet a girl. She seems great. How quick would you be willing to get to marriage? Four or five, six months? Yep. Amen, boy. Amen, dude. You better sell tickets. You better sell a live stream. When you get that stream live, baby, you better sell, you know what I'm saying? You better definitely sell an eight buck tickets. I'll sell it to it. I know a couple dudes out in LA, a couple of executive producers that would definitely pay to see some of that action. All right. Let's get into a couple more calls here. Here we go. Hi, Theo. It's Ava from Maryland. I'm calling because I just got... What's up, Ava?
Starting point is 00:54:15 From Maryland, baby. Let's go. I'm calling because I just got home from your show. You were just performing in Baltimore and it was awesome. Thank you. Thank you, that's sweet of you to say it. Some of them run together a little bit, but not always. I think it was a pretty big venue in Baltimore. So thank you for coming out. I bought two tickets initially because I was going to go with my boyfriend, but we're not together anymore. So I couldn't find anyone to go with me. So I just went by myself and I felt kind of uncomfortable. And then once you got on stage, you know, it was just... The energy in the room was just... It was just so full of love, you know? And I didn't even notice,
Starting point is 00:55:08 you know, that I was there by myself anymore. It sounds kind of lame, but you were awesome. You were great. We loved you. Come back soon, please. We all want to buy tickets. Oh, gang, baby, thank you. Thanks for the nice words and thanks for being brave enough to go somewhere by yourself. You know, we're all by ourselves in a way in the world. We have... But you're all... The mainframe is in us. We see out of our own eyes. You know, we have our own perceptions. So in a way, we're always kind of all by ourselves. But I can imagine, yeah, I get... If I got to go eat something by myself, I'm like... I'll pull the waiter over. I'll say, bring the appetizer fast. Leave me sitting here doing nothing.
Starting point is 00:55:58 I'll tell them. I'll tell them straight up. Dude, Riley, there's a lady right there. I know. And why... I mean, how do we... You know, you're missing these babes, man. We got to get you out to a beach or something. Maybe where the babes are. Yeah, I'm done. But thanks for coming, Ava. Thanks for coming in there solo. I'm glad. You know, there's a lot of love in these audiences. I agree. You know, I constantly hear from people. It's like the best group. You get some free birds. You get people crazies as well. But a lot of love out there. And I just think it's so sweet that even that you decided to come, even though, you know, your man bailed out, he missed out. That's what I say. That he missed out.
Starting point is 00:56:46 But you didn't, gang, baby. What else do we got here? Oh, I feel like that's a lot of stuff so far. What else? Oh, they have some new merch available. We got a new bait, a new like a fish in and out door kind of line that is available. So you can check that out at theovonstore.com. Let me see what it says because new get that hitter bait and tackle collections available. Black Friday sale going on now through Monday, November 29th at 9 p.m. 20% off all be good to yourself and get that hitter merch gang. Also, the new I'm upstairs collection is available. So new designer T's long sleeves and hoodies. Yeah, a lot of neat, a lot of nice Christmas gift
Starting point is 00:57:43 options. Also, if you are a Patreon member, we have low Patreon, but if you are a Patreon member, you get you'll get early access for ticketing and you get discount codes for merch. So just letting you know because we don't do a big Patreon over here. You know, we do a lot of just money for single moms and that sort of deal. What else? What else happened on the tour? Let me think about that. Uh, we almost went to the OSU game, but it was getting cold and we'd had a long couple of days. You know, because by the time you get to a place, you get going. It's noon. Oh, Burlington. Oh, this happened in a couple spots. People have to wear the mask now
Starting point is 00:58:40 in some theaters and I didn't know it. So in Burlington's, man, I'm out there. I'm giving it my all. And I'm like, man, I don't have the response. I'm not feeling some of the response. And then halfway through, I realized these people are wearing masks. I didn't even realize it. And, um, and that kind of became a theme in a, in a couple of the places we were, you know, the theaters would ask them to wear a mask. Some people would, some people wouldn't. Which is fine. I, you know, do you, you know, if you want to have a mask, I have it on. I felt like, but the requirement of it, that was a little bit, that was, that was tough because some places they would make you, or they would come and say something to you.
Starting point is 00:59:38 So I just want to say thank you to everybody who's putting up with that kind of stuff. I know it's not easy. Um, you know, just dealing with that sort of thing. So, uh, I know it's not easy. I know it's not easy. I don't want to look past that. I want to say thank you. Yeah. Because some people bought tickets and then they realized they have the theaters put in these mandates. And Andrew Schultz just said, fuck you to a theater and went to another place. And, um, and I love that. And, and I would do that too. I think, uh, you know, I got to get a better, I, oh, he went not because of mandates. He went because they said he had offensive material. They didn't want his type of material or they gave him some notes. And good. Fuck them. Fuck them people. Uh,
Starting point is 01:00:31 the people should be able to pay to go see what they want. I then also believe people should be able to go to a place where they know people are going to be masked or not masked. I mean, this shit's almost ridiculous. Now, most people have forgotten they even cared about COVID. That's the crazy part. I have friends like eight months ago that were like, you know, that maybe didn't have some of the same thoughts I did about it. And now they'd forgot about it. They wouldn't even be around, you know, and now they forgot it. So it's like, I think a lot of that stuff is, I think a lot of that's kind of dissipating. You know, when I look back on certain things that had my energy or that were making me upset, it's
Starting point is 01:01:13 like, you know, you read articles now about like, uh, BLM found, you know, uh, guys still fighting for BLM, like in parks and stuff. It's like, what? The people that came into that money sailed the t-shirt vendor for that. He showed up. He's gone now. You know, it's all these little things come that get our attention, get our money. They get your money. They got, you could donate his $70 to some damn, to a, uh, black arts found a, and that, that guy got busted or whatever. And I'm not saying it's just a blot. I'm not saying just black thing. It could be anything. It could be a dam, uh, you know, Norwegian, um, you know, orange company and you out there eating all these oranges for these bitches on a Saturday, getting vitamin seed up and next thing,
Starting point is 01:02:04 you know, they leave town. They don't even, they don't give a damn. Damn, you know, you know, vitamin C later, these bitches out, all they was in town and get the, get the cash and you, but we forget about it. Thankfully we forget about those things too. Can you imagine if the stresses we had just stayed in us forever? Well, that would be me. Um, anyway, I don't really know what I'm talking about. Uh, we had some, uh, in the last episode we had, um, I got a pee guys. I'm going to be right back. What else is going on? Let's get into a couple more calls, man, not to be call heavy, but I just haven't gotten to spend time with you guys in a while. And so I like to hear what's going on, uh, from your end. What were the other shows like on the
Starting point is 01:02:50 tour? Let me think, um, oh, in Albany, man, we got to be in this building called the egg. So the bus pulls in at night. You know, you don't know. So we go up in the elevator. We're downstairs and suddenly I'm upstairs. What do you need? Honey, can you, I'm upstairs. I'm upstairs. God, I love it. Uh, so what was I talking about? Really? The downstairs on tour. Oh yeah. So we got stuck in the, uh, there we go, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. Finally. You know, you hold out hope that a guy's gonna, there's gonna be something in them for as much as that's trapped in this dude. You think some information would be stuck in there.
Starting point is 01:03:51 Times have changed. Okay. Species are different. People are different. Um, um, this theater dude in the, uh, Albany dog, this shit, it shocked me. The thing, it looked like a, uh, it looked like a bowl of like low main or so. I don't know what the hell we got images. If you're on YouTube, man, we got images. You will be shocked that there is a building that looks like this in America. You'll be shocked. I had no, and then we were inside it. So someone tagged me on the gram and the story and said, Hey, was this where you are? And I'm like, I guess so. I guess so, dude. And that's where we're at. It's humans. We don't even, I don't even know what building I'm in. I just know that I'm upstairs. God, what do you want?
Starting point is 01:04:47 What? Um, so that was wild. Oh, walking down the streets of Albany dog. That's shit. I didn't know Albany was any, I didn't know about it. You know, if somebody said, you know, Hey, Albany, I'd say, Hey, what are you saying guy? What are you saying? Could you draw a picture of Albany, New York? I don't think I can. And so that's what I'm saying here is that I didn't know. And then we walked down the streets afterwards and it's like all these blustery leaves blowing and big leaves, those big ones, you know, all winterized, they're browned out, you know, these things are all BLM'd out these leaves and they're on the ground just like, like just like map, like ancient maps, you know, they look like a map from like a different
Starting point is 01:05:45 civilization from like a different galaxy or civilizations. And so, you know, it was beautiful, though. It's beautiful. It's unique. Some dude outside, some dude said, Hey, I'll give you 40 bucks. He said, Hey, give me 40 bucks and I won't beat the shit out of you. And I was like, All right, I'll do that, dude. I got that same deal over in Delaware, son. I've seen this deal. So that's that, you know, that's that safety tariff. Maybe I paid that bitch straight up son. What? That's that safety tariff. If you ever finally did get to ejaculate, Rallyman, would you keep it or you'd let it go? I'll let it go. Oh, man. You'll wish you had it later. I know it. I always wish I had mine.
Starting point is 01:06:45 So just a, just a side note and nobody has to know you keep it. Right. But, um, well, I don't think of anything else. I mean, it was all great coming down on the stage seeing everybody's hyped up in Buffalo. We got to go see the Bill Stadium. My boy Harrison Phillips over there plays football over there. He's a football guy and he plays number 99s and got to go in the locker room and got to see AJ Klein's locker and, um, who else? Uh, uh, digs. Mr. Diggs is locker and, um, Josh Allen's, um, you know, we got to be in there and look and touch like the medical tape and stuff. And then we went out to the field. There was a high school game going on some children playing, you know, and, uh, you know, Joey Diaz would have sprinkled a little bit, half an eight
Starting point is 01:07:43 ball out there, but whatever dude, that's different guy, different time. But, um, but that, oh, here was great. So we're in Buffalo's and we go to the, uh, see the tour of the stadium. And afterwards, we got a car to come pick us up because we don't have a car. That's the thing about the bus. If you were in the bus, the driver's going all day. He's asleep somewhere. He's at a holiday and select or like at a Hampton Inn, which is where I hope to be buried at. You know that. And, uh, what happened? Oh, the bus driver Hampton Inn before that. Oh, the bill stadium. So we get in the car to leave. It's dark now. We start driving about 10 feet in the driver. You just hear him go gang, gang. And we're like, oh, shit. So we were so hype, man, this guy, he'd had a crazy story. He told us
Starting point is 01:08:50 all this wild story about drugs and youth, pastoring and all kind of shit, you know, some real total gang, gang, gang, shit, you know what I'm saying? What kind of stuff you hear on here? So it was really, but it was crazy. We're just sitting there in the dark and we're just heading back and we got it, you know, the show starts in an hour and 20 minutes and then you just hear gang, gang, gang. And he said that him and his wife were going to the show that night. And, uh, and they were going to go to dinner first, but this call came in and he took it because he's just doing work and, and next thing you know, he's picking us up and he's like, it's just kind of wild, you know. So we took us to get some wings and then dropped us off and we got to meet him and his
Starting point is 01:09:33 lady Lee, I think was his wife's name after the show for a bit and say, Hey, you know, uh, and that was cool, man. It's the people you meet. Um, and you know, we didn't put a meet and greet on the tour because it was, uh, I just been stressed. It's been hard to know what your stress level is going to be. And so it just have to take it. I try to do it when I can. So if some places I didn't get to meet some of you, I'm sorry, you know, uh, and we'll try next time. Um, and in other places, sometimes I'm just feeling okay. Uh, but I got to have something in my cup, you know, because otherwise I'm just getting out there and we all, you know, and then I'm not myself and I don't want to be not myself. I'm
Starting point is 01:10:22 tired of that. I can't be it anymore. I'm tired of it. Uh, all right. Let's get one more call or two. Let's get one more that came in, man. We had some stuff about hearing compliments and stuff and we'll get into it next time. I want everybody to go enjoy their Thanksgiving, enjoy their Thanksgiving week. Um, I'm excited. I'm excited just to, yeah, I got some family I'm going to see and I'm looking forward to that. Here we go, man. Here's a call that came in. Hey, what's up, Dio? Um, I'm giving you a call because, uh, I just, I'm downstairs, man. I just got a lot going on in my life. I kind of don't feel like I have anybody else talk to you right now. Um, it's just hard. I've been there, baby. I've been there, man. Thank you for sharing onward.
Starting point is 01:11:28 We got some bad news about my mother-in-law. She's got stage four and her verbal cancer. And, um, you know, my wife and I have a wife. I have two small kids. I work full-time. I'm doing grad school at night. And, uh, I don't know, it just feels like things have fallen apart from me. I'm trying to find joy and not letting anybody take my joy, but it's hard. It's hard right now, man. Uh, you know, like my marriage is a situation kind of coming between our marriage because it's hard. I don't, I don't know how to be the best to everybody. Just be strong, you know? It's hard, man. I want to, I just want to hug. Hug would be nice. But I, I thank you for your podcast, man. It helps.
Starting point is 01:12:32 Sorry. No, don't be sorry, dawg. I just wanted to say thank you. I'm just being you. So it's the bright spot in my life and I'm thankful for that. That brings me joy. Thank you, brother. Gang, man. Thank you, bro. Thank you for calling in. Thank you for sharing what's going on with you and just in a real way.
Starting point is 01:13:03 Um, you know, I was crying somewhere yesterday at a Starbucks. So I'm damn crying at a damn Starbucks, you know, and here's the crazy part. I'll tell you this is a true story. I'm not trying to laugh. I'm just, but I literally had been crying at it in my truck in a Starbucks, dude, right? Look, some guy dry. He's in traffic on the road out in front of me and he's like, he's like, what up, mother? He starts like flips like mother fucker. He's just flipping me off. And then once I, he gets my attention, he's like, gang, gang, you just, but I'm just like, little dude, you know, I've been sitting there freaking, you
Starting point is 01:13:53 know, just letting all these fucking ghosts outside, you know, you know, the ghosts inside of us, whatever they are, they turn into water and come out of our face, you know. And I don't know if I should even keep that call. I don't know. Maybe we'll keep this call in. I don't want to be, uh, disrespectful to you by putting your feelings out there. Um, but it's a lot. Yeah, I think we all feel a lot of pressure to be everything. It's just never ending thing. And I think it's so sweet that you care about your mother-in-law. Most people would go to a, they would go somewhere and buy stage four inoperable cancer for the mother-in-law.
Starting point is 01:14:39 You could sell kits of that on Etsy right now. A lot of it would be women using fake male screen names or email, male emails to buy it for their own mothers. You know, the devil's in the, the devil was out there, man, but you're doing good, man. I'm just here to tell you you're doing good. And, wow, I feel like I'm talking to myself. You notice, don't be so hard. Man, it's so funny. These are all the things that people tell me. Wow. Wow. And I don't even have a family or kids or a real job. You know what I'm saying? You out here doing real stuff, man. You on the front lines, baby. You getting hit by trains, baby.
Starting point is 01:15:44 You know, so it's okay, dude. You know, it's okay. And you know why? Because a long time ago, men was in groups and tribes. And if you had a feeling you was shared with somebody and you had somebody right there to be there with your feeling. And just don't be afraid to lean on the people around you. You know, just hug your wife a little extra, hug yourself a little extra. You know, I think you're doing great, man. You sound, if you're brave enough to share what's going on with you, man. Damn. That's huge, dog. It's huge. You doing that just lets me know I'm okay. I'm not carrying any shame for being out of damn Starbucks. I'm out there, you know, putting extra salt water in my damn salted caramel, Bacciatti or whatever, dude, these
Starting point is 01:16:35 bitches or whatever. I don't know. But sorry, I'm not much help right there. But you doing good, man. You doing things I'm afraid to do. Have a family, have a wife. You giving me strength. You know, and they need to get a damn hug machine at the CBS dog. That's what they need, huh? You might ask it on a date. I'm Riley. If it was, yeah, there you go. But they should have a CBS don't have a damn hug machine at it. They got a red box for $1. You can somebody can come up behind you and mug you. That's all red box is. You get up there, you put a dollar in and somebody jack your ass from the back. And now you're sitting there. You got a copy of damn. You wake up, you know, two towns over and you being sex trafficked or whatever.
Starting point is 01:17:36 But you got a copy of a of a home alone three in your pain, you know, stuck in your pants in your pocket. It's just but they need a hug machine at the CBS dog. And when I see you, I'm going to give you one and just thank you for, you know, just sharing your truth, bro. And sharing what's going on. And I'm sure look, you hear this voicemail. You probably left this voicemail a week ago. And you're in a better place now. But we'll all be thinking about, you know, your mother-in-law and and just giving you the strength, man. What do you do, Riley, when somebody doesn't have strength? What do y'all do over at the church? What do y'all do? I just pray over them. And do you have to physically be over them like a fire? You can do it like over zoom or just over
Starting point is 01:18:22 anyway. You can just do it by yourself right now if you want it, huh? Right. You just think about them. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be thinking about you, dog. I'll tell you that. Shit. Half a million people listening to this show. There's half a million people that have been thinking about you while this shit's going on. But maybe that might make you feel more because I told you that many people, but it's so funny. I feel like I'm sitting there listening to myself for a second. So thank you for sharing. Thank everybody that's come out to the shows, man, and being a part of my life. And let me be a part of your life. You know, there's so often I can't love myself and you guys love me. And it's crazy. You know, it's just that that's what we do for each other,
Starting point is 01:19:09 I think. We just love each other until we can love ourselves. You know what? I'm going to go out a good way, man. It's an old fashioned way. It's the way how we all got in some of this. Come on. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Tell them, Riley. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home. Thanks for being here with me today, Ryan. Thank you, Theo. I appreciate it. I appreciate you, man. Thank you to Spencer Lea Tau for producing and editing this episode. Thank you to Colin Reiner for producing this episode. And thank you to you, Derby DeWall. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones,
Starting point is 01:20:36 but it's going to take a little time for me to set that pocket break and let myself online. Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Please shine on me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you. And now I've been moving way too fast like a runaway train, like a train. Run it back, baby. Come on. And these girls that I've been riding on, they want something that they're damn they're gone. I guess now they just weren't built to last. Do you like this song, Riley? I do. I do. To make sense of what I can, of where I'm going, of where I've been.
Starting point is 01:21:47 Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Shine on me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you. And I will find the words to help you make it through. If you call my name, I'll sing it to you. Shine that light on me. Come on, Riley. Let it loose, baby. Let's go, Taiwan, baby. Shine on me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you. Shine on me. Shine on me.
Starting point is 01:23:07 Shine on me. Oh, man. Life is a salad, baby. And the Lord is my vinaigrette, son. You guys be good to yourselves. You deserve it. Shine by Bishop Gunn and the beautiful vocals of Mr. Travis McCready right there, unprecedented talent in that band, Bishop Gunn. And I'm going to keep them on my thought list. So I hope they can put it back together. I'd love to see them back out there making good music. You guys be good to yourselves. I'm thankful for you, gang.

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