This Past Weekend - E372 Christmas Possibilities

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Theo talks about the lack of North Pole intel, almost getting scammed for his wand chowder, and we hear back from a listener who is now UPSTAIRS! Merry Christmas. Gang. -------------------------------------------------- New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com -------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/THEO for 10% off your first month Upstart: https://upstart.com/THEO to find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today Peloton: https://onepeloton.com to try Peloton classes free for the rest of the year LetsGetChecked: https://trylgc.com/theo Use code THEO to get 30% off your entire order Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com -------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the hotline: [phone] Video hotline for Theo upload here: www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 -------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips -------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Jimmy https://www.instagram.com/jimmyrector/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is there something interfering with your happiness? Oh, yeah There always is a little something, you know or other might be there might not be hell if you're joy if you're joyed out And you've won and you're doing well, and you don't need this, but if you aren't better help comm slash th e o that's B E T T E R H E L P join the over million people who have taken charge of their mental health if you need help better help comm slash th e o this podcast is sponsored by better help and TPW listeners get 10% off their first month at better help comm slash the oh Today's episode is brought to you also by liquid death grateful for them

Merry Christmas to you Happy holidays It's that time, you know, it's just that time It's that time to slow it down It's that time to just really just straighten out that snake You know to just to even things out To close up all the if you got a couple Pandora's boxes open it's time to Shut them down

It's a time for joy You know a time to give joy and and receive it as well as you can You know get out there tickle somebody tickle a damn neighbor Tickle a trash fellow the guys getting the garbage sneak around a truck tickle his ass, you know beep do something Bring some joy to somebody You know hug a brother Get out there and hug a damn brother, you know hug a white woman

Email somebody email a Filipino or a Dominican or somebody that you've never met a different species a different ethnicity Broaden your horizons, you know Be a stand for decency if you can be a be somebody who's who just you just you just got a love gun and that bitch is full and You just pop pop pop pop You drilling people with joy

You can do it get a nice gift for someone You know get somebody something they can use if you have a Maybe you got a buddy who's never been to the beach Get him a give him a little bucket of sand or something give his wife a half bucket Maybe maybe Somebody don't have legs or something, you know get him a arm Draw some draw a picture of him with legs and say hey man. This is how I see you, you know, I see you complete You know do something we had a

You know if somebody doesn't have a tongue we had a fella didn't have a tongue bus and somebody wrote down all the flavors on a piece of poster board So he could point at him when he was enjoying something look it's tart look it's you know fruit based or whatever. Oh Shit this has lead in it and he pointed lead You know help somebody out You know just be a stand for decency if you can this time of year You have a buddy that that um That's never been outdoors get him a tree get him a little tree bring it inside

Get him a little you know Get him a bird call or something hide behind the tree Say hey, this is what it's like If you want to vent if you ever want to do so you want to be brave You know we had a a cousin that couldn't read and And somebody got him a damn book and that's not good You know because that's really

Get him a letter draw a big letter on the thing say hey, this is it L M R You know don't you don't want to ruin somebody's day either You know somebody can't you know, I remember he couldn't read they gave him a book and everybody's like you know because you can't You know you can't put a toddler on Mount Everest You got to put them on an anthill first You got to think You got to think

But you got to love baby, and that's what time of year it is and I'm happy to be here with you and uh And Merry Christmas, you know Merry Christmas You know damn just get out there and just damn tell somebody Merry Christmas damn it damn Just if you got a damn ring somebody's neck if they don't get it Give it to them Merry Christmas You tell them it's that time of year Let's head in with a couple of beautiful tunes right here

You got somebody that likes to fish get them a fish get them a damn fish save them some time You know get them a carp bring that bitch home for him You got somebody that likes uh animalia trapping eagle form Trap a damn American eagle form and bring it home for you know just for an hour let it loose baby. That's God's NFT baby Let it loose but bring it home It's that time of year

You got somebody that likes to swim Get some water bring it up get you a bucket of water get you a sponge And just Cut that corner. They don't have to go to the pool today. So I got you Ronnie I'm gonna dampen your legs up. I'm a Squeeze this sponge out on your back squeeze this water on your back I'ma let you you know I'll even blow a whistle. I'll even have you know have your cousin dress up as a lifeguard and blow a whistle once We got you bubby you ain't got to go to the pool today. We're bringing the pool home

God bless That is Julian Julian brinn with joy to the world And wouldn't it be great if that if you could do it like that If you could just snap a finger and People would just be joyed out Just women just smiling so big they get lipstick on their ear lobes People just Just riddled with riddled with happiness

Riddled with comfort like they just swallowed a damn duvet cover Just just like they ingested damn nine throw pillows just Just full of comfort wouldn't that be wouldn't that be magnificent? I think that's what I got a hope for this time of year is that Is just a You know I get caught up in that in the peril you know I get caught up sometimes in the peril in that

In that dirt in that dirt oyster And I'm in there just sifting around for peril But the joy is just out in the world You know the joy is Is if I choose to If I choose to be happy, you know, it's a it's a choice. I have to make it's hard sometimes, but This is the time of year to make it You know, this is the time of year damn see a little child and just damn

You know draw a damn mark on the beast on his on his back while he's sleeping You know put his shirt back on surprises folks. You know, I remember one time we do it We had this fellow named Scotty on our bus little Scotty And I think he was I don't know if he was he was Not deranged or whatever, but he wasn't you know, they had decided he wasn't gonna do well You know, he wasn't gonna end up top shelf, but he was milling around he was a middle liquor at the time

And um And we you know, I don't know who did it. I could you know, I who knows who did it but people drew swastik on his back And nobody knew what it meant. Nobody knew that it was anti-semitic or You know, uh, they just seen it on fan flits or whatever you find in the woods but um But anyway, I don't even know what that story is about. But anyway, merry christmas to you Oh And it's that time of year, you know, it's that time of year where

You could really just hear, you know, you could you could hear santa just tightening up them boots Just just Just putting his fat just damn Just gristle hoofs just You could hear them boots just Just Just squealing like damn can we hold santa again? And you could hear him, you know, you could hear him just tighten that belt up just

Just That's the sound that buckle makes baby That buckle can't hold him And as cookie crumbs fall across that buckle because he's having one more little cut One more little dose One more little upper Before he hits that ride, baby, you can hear that belt just like Like

And you just hear him and he just He just puts his Feet into the sleigh And he's in there And his wife comes over and it could be his second wife now We haven't got a lot of intel You know from that far north, I think The only person even up there anymore is damn dexter in his new season and

That's it science light science and I think the titanic is still crashed up there But there's not a lot of there's not a lot of intel coming out of the north pole So he could be on his second wife, you know Some big, you know breasted out latina rolls up With them, you know, them big fontleroids the milky fontleroids on her And she you know whisper something naughty in his ear, you know, at least now they're At least now they're daddy Something, you know

And she might be dating one of the reindeer on the side. Who knows? I mean things have changed and times are different And the reindeer is out there Don or dancer dancer Little daddy is you know, they got another got a brother and then ain't no little daddy's out there. You know, they got uh Probably uh vato they got a spanish one It's a different ball, you know, it's changed up they got uh On dancer on cupid cupid's a little, you know

Cupid likes men and women. That's his bag whatever All the boy You know transistor is one of them probably and he's double joined it down in the freaking root You know, he's crouched out that crotchety bad boy, but hey, that's it And that's the squad you play with who you got ben Simmons is it, you know what I'm saying? You got all types You got everybody out there Maybe a little bit maybe a gurmin out there. Maybe an israeli out there You got some, you know all types of you know

Duster you got one of the reindeers is damn addicted to huff and uh Keyboard cleanser and you can't blame them But that's the time of year it is man And you can just you know You got to believe that something More unique is happening than what is just occurring in front of us. That's what I have to do You don't have to I'm not telling you to But I have to believe if I want things to be different or seem different or

I gotta believe That there's magic in the air And this is a wonderful time of year Uh to do that. So merry christmas to you. I love you. Yeah What's happening? What's happening? Uh Oh, I went to ufc 269 and dude it was My god

I got there And it was I mean it was so I went with david spade, you know him And he's fan, you know, he's he's pretty fancy, you know, he's Tommy boy joe dirt, you know that you know, he's that rascal You know, he's that rascal man You cut on a damn rascal fountain and he'll fly, you know, he's the first He's the first flow out that bitch And um

And man, we were geeked up. We went we made some bets at the bedding window at the wind Motel we were staying at the wind motel and we made some bets over there at the bedding window, which was pretty cool kind of old-fashioned There's not a lot of part. There's not a lot of different parlay out. You just walk up and you say, okay I want this guy or this horse or You know or this, um Woman, you know, there's just a couple options So we did that we put we laid some bets down and then we went over to the fight. So I we get there

Dude, we're sitting right Behind Dana White like I mean like if he got COVID we got COVID, you know If he still even had an even a vid or a co or a ovie we got, you know, we were right there We was breathing the same We was just volleyball and air and uh and And that was amazing and then david sitting next to me then next to him. Halle Berry

From damn movies from damn, you know Uh Wherever she's from, you know, I don't even know gorgeous town You know, uh fine is fucking 10. I don't know where she's from But she just looked damn vibrant She looked like a shooting star. It just landed right in her damn heart And it was just coming out of her eyes when she talked to you And I mean it just damn I mean

Every time, you know, when you're just uh, and she loved fighting So she was we're sitting here just chatting about the fights and um Yeah, that was that was You know, that was really interesting um Then who else oh tomie lee the draw the famous musician Was uh there gerrylito was there beautiful guy dear god I mean you look at the guy and you're like, damn

You like damn, I don't know if this dude is I mean is this dude fine as fuck like you just You're like and you're not you a straight man. Like is this is this dude fine as fuck Well, this dude's hotter than uh, probably some of the girlfriends I've ever had Certainly warmer than my first my first girlfriend were really Really strong girl Probably six Six foot at the time and we were small and I remember she would And I've told this story before she would uh

Um pick me up at the bus stop and she'd put me around her waist and kiss me like that Just just straight on kiss me like a damn God just like and she I think she shaved dude I think she shaved a little bit around her mouth and She would just Because I remember in the winter when she would kiss me it would burn my face a little I just remember my face just feeling like damn like I'd just done a damn business meeting or something And it was just a lot, you know and she played

I think she played softball. I don't know if we had a softball team. She played somewhere But she said she did anyway. She she wore the uniform and She was always punching the mitt and Damn, I don't know but She definitely She really uh She really had her way with me that beautiful girl What else?

Uh, but yeah, the fights were amazing dude. I got to see dominant cruise So dominant cruise is a fighter. He's an american fighter um And he looked like tom cruise. He's wearing He uh He he had already had his fight and we got there after that. So I knew he'd won because Um, I've been following him online, but I didn't get to be there and see it Uh, but he's dressed down now. He's in street clothes. And so

You know, he's just being right, you know, he has sunglasses on he comes up and we're talking And I'm thinking like I don't and then I realized oh my god. This is freaking dominant cruise Uh, so that was crazy. Justin gaichi was there. He's literally just had just backstage just like who can I fight? Who can I fight? Who can I fight? Who can I fight? So that was really magnificent uh thug rose I mean, it was just crazy just getting to see all the fighters. John annick was there

uh dc You know, just getting to be in that world for a little while Um, alger main sterling uh There's just every I mean and plus all the fighters that were doing the fighting So it was just man I felt like I was in a damn

I was just the every I just felt so so much possibility like I was in a damn fallopian tube You know just damn many just the were just God, I just felt like anything was possible um Yeah, so that was great obviously I was really you know, just I was bummed out not disappointed that dustin didn't get the victory but uh But he's a champ, you know, he's a champ And um, and he knows it and it is what it is and there'll be many more battles and uh

Yeah, and so that was my I'm trying to think of anything else that happened While I was there, uh Oh, they had one point where they got spade on the um tv where they like said, you know said he's there and I was sitting right next to him and some A woman came over with her kid to get a photo And she's like, will you get a photo with my son? and

I got up to get the photo right when they were like gonna video spades sitting there. So I kind of missed some of my audio visual time on the um show but But whatever man, it was just dude It was and then you look and there's just so many fans and people are just amped up People are beating each other in the crowd just fucking And there's somebody somebody brought a scale and people were they were weighing each other in the crowd

They're like you weigh 130 you weigh 130 and people were just fighting women against men senior citizens against damn fucking uh, just cement toddlers just everybody just just Fucking annihilating each other And um, and that was it man That was it Uh What else?

All right, let's get into a little bit of news here Um, oh man, I like water don't you? I like it I'm glad they have an imagine if they didn't have water And you just always had to drink something What would I have Die dr. Pepper would kill our earth if you had a soda it would kill you if you had just so much of it, but anyway

Jake paul right here knocks out tyron woodley in the sixth round and win the rematch Good Good What else louis ck criticized for releasing the new stand-up special sorry His last special was great if you didn't see it. I know it's on his website Uh, I'm excited to watch this one. So I'll um I'll just tune in and watch it You know, that's what I'll do. I'll tune in and watch it. He was nominated for a Grammy this year

for his other special sincerely so He's back, you know And Yeah on that fight I guess just On that woodley paul fight woodley doesn't throw enough punches You know and the fight is just a lot of like punch inter you know clutch or you know hug punch hug punch hug

They should lose a point if they hug They should lose a point if they hug or See who's willing to take it to second base if you're hugging whoever you know Who's willing to you know Go even further a little. You know what I'm saying? No, I'm a brother, but You know because y'all fighting or y'all loving Those boy because it's just those fights. It's a lot of just punch hug punch hug a lot of the um

kind of like uh These triller fights are so let you know the celeb this whole new Uh, zydeco a fight in this new realm. It's a lot of punch hugging and damn woodley got knocked out god It was painful and at the same time I'm just damn jealous You know, I'm like god. I just I'd love to be able to just sleep like that the rest the immediate It takes me so long to get to bed at night

And the rest he got I mean it was just immediate You know no counting sheep no uh Somebody sitting there reading you a book And you're an adult and you're like why the fuck who is this? Who's reading to me? um None of that no melaton and none of it just good night

Good night good night And so that was just man. That's the part I'm envious. It should be a Hampton Inn commercial Want to get some rest? Bam try the Jake Paul suite That's what I got on that any more news not much Um, I want to let you know though. I got some new tour dates that you can check out And I'm grateful for them. Uh, February 2nd. I'll be in Jacksonville, Florida

the third st. Petersburg Uh, the fifth I'll be in Orlando the 24th. I'll be in Lafayette, Indiana the 25th rockford Illinois home of the rockford peaches And that's america's team right there female ball February 26, Chicago, Illinois uh May 6 and tulsa may 7th in los angeles Um

Yeah, I just want to wish you a merry christmas and a happy holidays and Happy quanzi if you do that happy ramadan If you do that happy damn Leap year whatever you celebrate Whatever you celebrate. I'm gonna wish you it You know happy uh Happy birthday if your birthday is on christmas, man, you're fucked But happy birthday to you. Nobody cares, but

You do and that's gotta be hectic, but Oh, well, yeah, fucked. Um Yeah, can you imagine having a birthday on christmas? You walk out with a birthday cake and everybody's like We don't care Could you imagine that people you're like, hey, come over here. Well, I blow out the candles And people are like blow out my nuts, son Santa's here Santa's here

You know when I was a kid I could remember you would somebody in our town one time when I was a child Um They would fly a like a A small plane a crop duster or something they would I swear to god they hooked like a A trail of reindeer or something behind like not real ones, but you know Just I don't know if it was thin sheep or it could have been cardboard Out of area it could have been damn emaciated

Ponies I don't know it could have been stuff, you know, I don't remember but they flew a plane around town And they would blast uh Christmas music out of it And it was just so amazing You know, it was just so amazing uh

Because I remember my mom took us out on the porch And I got to look up at the sky and there was it was like a sleigh It felt like a sleigh like as a kid when you're a kid. It's like that's a that's santa sleigh Going by and you could hear the music and you're just like, oh my god It's it's real Um And I don't know if that was a city thing they did. I don't know what that was. I don't know if that was uh You know, if that was privately funded, I mean it could have been

You know, it could have said fies are on the back of the thing. I don't as a kid. I don't remember But I think it was just somebody around town Had said I'm gonna make today I'm gonna make this better somehow Uh For not just myself

I'm gonna do something to make this better for For others, you know Um And it was magical It was magical and I I even asked my mother about this Not long ago and she remembers it She remembers it She remembers

That somebody went buying a damn crop duster and was blaring music That's how she remembers it kind of but But I just remember it as just being magic I want to say that if you had high interest loan, I've had them I've had damn 17.70 or something One of my loans, I think was 40.58 I said, well, why don't I you know I don't want this. It's a blender

I don't want this blender That thing was damn $20 and I just got screwed into it at the Mercantile when I they said you want the card to you want the option. It's free today. Damn $18 or something I said, all right, I'll take it. You know $140 later You know, I you know Every time I've turned that bitch on I just hear myself losing money Just damn poor If you didn't have high interest uh loans or credit card debt, you'd be feeling good, wouldn't you?

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Just about creating that pattern finding uh, just uh Just whatever is easiest for you to create that pattern and I believe that peloton is that I want to let you know if you if you if your testosterone is low if your balls is feeling You know shallow If you shallowed out and your nuts if you really are feeling hollowed out If your balls feel like they somebody knock on them it would make a loud like that

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dot com All right as we get to these calls, um, let's listen to one more little christmas deal here See what says this is from 1960s pop christmas The shakeabouts Okay, that's a bit much that made me Want to damn eat my cousin's cat son not doing that Let's listen to this one the eggnog boogie by chiminy givers

Okay, that's a little bit much trying to relax over here. We'll try one more Um The first no and this is by the shakeabouts Oh, yeah And that makes you want to reach for another cookie doesn't it damn it makes you want to reach for another cookie There you go, and that is the first no Uh And not look I like my muse. I want my my christmas. I don't care if the house burns down

I want to be settled somewhere The fireplace going or somebody drew a fireplace and uh pinned it up And I want uh, I want that music I want the mute. I don't care if the house burns down As long as I can hear a peaceful tune I don't care if we never see the cat again. I don't care I just want to relax And hear a peaceful christmas tune and have me a little cookie

The cookies I like the ones that moms make With just the sugar on them or the ones that have the star in them Uh, and they're star-shaped, you know mom gets the cutter from pump Puts it in there and the stocking when moms make the stocking one that those burn for some reason The back of those always burn up But then Mitch is good, you know, I like them I like cookies that are burnt I like cookies that are burnt. I like to burn cookie because you got somebody to complain at

I like a cookie that comes with a reason for me to bitch at the end of it, you know, hey the fuck The fuck And you still oh, I'll have four more I'll have four more of them burnt bitches, but You're going to hear about it You're going to hear about it Amen, let's get into some calls, man. You guys have had some good ones and I'm happy to uh to address some

I'm thank you as always for hitting the hotline nine eight five six six four nine five zero three All right Brother man, this is joey donuts calling for manhattan Joey Don is baby from manhattan Them sugar circles, baby Blessing us, baby

With them glucose O's baby Don. It's dope From the big sit from the big city baby up there in big apple country Big apple baby gang dominicans So I've got a big date lined up in a few days We've got a couple mutual friends We went to the same school But you know, I barely know this chica I just wanted some advice, you know, what do you talk about? What should I say?

First date. I'm a little nervous Let me know what's going on brother man gang, baby, I appreciate the question there and sorry to cut you off man, but I can and uh And Here's the first date move. Here's the first date move You take the lady to a uh

maternity ward Take her to the local hospital I used to do this move when I was a child preteen or teen, you know soon as I was uh You know virile or whatever sexually mature As they called it in science or pre science. I don't know what we took but I got to be but um

As soon as you're sexually mature and you have a date You should take her to the infirmary or uh maternity ward Here's what I would do. I'd take the because we didn't have a lot of attractions in our area You know, you could see maybe there had been a fire. You could go over there You could park by the water You know, which is fun, but it just

It leaves other the other people coming apart by the water are usually deviant You know somebody out there smoking a pill or uh people that want to have sex outdoors And when you're still a youngster You want to take her somewhere That's at least decently lit You know, so her parents don't get upset So what I found was the maternity ward you take her in there because you see that the babies are in there And you show a girl the baby you see that that tells her right there a

You're a family man You're about that life Okay, you're about life. You're about I mean you're looking at actual because the windows there the babies are in there They got them in there, you know in the little uh You know vestibules or whatever So you get to see each one in the little carton and um Um, beer so you're about actual life

you're about life So you're showing her that And she knows you're about sex because a baby You didn't get a baby without sex You know that happened one time in the desert And that's that that's a that's a wrap But since then it's taken a couple of people

You know touching doing touch So So you let her know you're about sex you take her to dinner. No, there's no sex and nobody's Nobody's fucking in the back so you can eat at the applebee You know, there's not you know There's not two people back there fornicating Over there at the captain d seafood or whatever so you guys can have a you know can do a um

A shrimp shrimp, you know basket So but if you show her that baby it puts in there's a thing that happens Where it just shows hey, I know about sex I'm sexually mature. That's what it does It lets a woman know you know about sex You take her to dinner. That doesn't mean you know about sex That means you know about recipes you know about silverware You know about uh, you know

Being indoors or whatever, but you take her to the To the maternity bam She sees that and some of the babies still smell like sex in there You know the one in our town the window was was uh busted between the babies and the um visitor So you're sitting there. You know what I'm saying? I think they even had a little broken glass around there, but um Um, yes, you can still smell me you still get that hit And some of the babies they really they definitely smell like uh Some of them smell like doggie style some of them one of them

You'll see still have a panty wrapped around his wrist or some real You know the metallion when there's some real It gets a little hype So that's your first date answer brother What are you gonna take her to where davin busters? Take her to bust and busters. You know what I'm saying? Gang baby onward All right, we got a call right here that came in

See yo man, you have the most This has been from st. Louis. You got the most. What's up benny? St. Louis. I don't know who is st. Louis actually All right St. Louis or louis the nine Commonly known as st. Louis or louis the saint was king of france From 1226 to 1270 and the most illustrious Of the direct cappitians

He was crowned in the reams at age 12 There you go People I guess that's who he was baby louis the nine That's it From poise france damn well There you go, baby, that's it dog if you from poise You must be you a real you a real g in my book. That's for sure. So I'm not shocked. He was a saint

Um What else do we have? Oh, it was a call that came in my bad. Let's hear more This has been from st. Louis. You got the most acute Baby syndrome in a man I've ever seen You were talking to brice in that interview and you compared winning a fight in the will to win a fight To whether or not a man is going to have children You need a baby seal, but your life is too busy. You might be a homosexual. I don't know And you don't have a wife yet

Well, look man, I would like to have a baby Okay But I can't have a baby with just a penis brother So that's first part If I was homosexual dog I would know You know what I'm saying? I've never looked at the back of a man. I've never looked at the back of a man like that if a man

Even if I see a man who's painting or doing something And you see part of his butt a little I don't even You know, I got a buddy and he would uh He told me one time and this is he told me a secrecy, but he's dead Uh, he said when he would see a man's butt crack, he would imagine nipples on his butt You know like titty nipples and I don't even do that man, so If I'm ever thinking about something naked, it's it's it's female But

You never know if I get hit by lightning or something I you never know or if I I might you never know you might fall in love with you could somebody could come across you that changes you changes your game Somebody could come across and you just say, you know what? Sianara bitches And you go for it so uh as of now I have no inkling to believe that but You know if god wants it god wants it baby, let's hear more

Well, I do I propose to you That you impregnate my wife will raise the child Will agree upon a price and you can see him when you want to see him St. Louis is pretty close to you five six hours Uh, you know a price So now basically you you trap me in a Five

So wait, it's my kid. I'm pregnant with the wife and then But who pays who that'd be my question Because I'm you know what I'm saying I'm running this high dollar root sauce over here I'm running this high dollar freaking uh this wand uh chowder So if you out, you know I got that real uh stick venom, baby. You know what I'm saying? I could sell dude. I could sell this I could and my stuff's thick too. I got that preserves So I could I'm sure I could get a little dollar for this

So I'm just saying who's paying who, you know, we need a passive source of passive income You need a son bud Okay, so I'm paying you're saying you need a source of passive income I need a son, but I'm not keeping my son, you know, I don't want to have this You know the son where you go see him like he's in a stable or whatever so I appreciate it man, you know, I guess Could I impregnate that guy's wife?

I don't think I could man. I mean I could try But that's the crazy part if she and I meet up at a damn days in or whatever and you let me try and then it doesn't happen Like maybe maybe I'll do that dude Dude, I'll just meet up and try with her for a couple hours dude or even for even 50 even 17 minutes So anyway, man, uh, I love you guys and thank you for the opportunity man Thank you for the opportunity and I'll let you know if I need some of that But yeah, I've been I've been thinking about maybe it would be nice to have a wife You know, I need I'm definitely get because my friends are all settling down

You know, Andrew Schultz just got married Chris Delea is married Brennan Schaub is married I mean even just the The dumbest people I know are married So I'm like if they can do it, I can do it. So What else man, let's take another call that came in Um What do we got here?

Do you believe in like Do you believe You know what I mean because I saw the ghost man. I think I saw the ghost Yeah, I know what you mean, but Do you know what I mean? Yes. I know what you mean by ghosts People don't say hey, you know, hey, I was at the racetrack. I saw those ghosts going in a circle I know what you mean

You know, we went fishing my buddy reeled in a seven pound ghost. I know what you mean guy. Okay Thank you for the call also And do I believe in ghosts? well Yes Because I you know, I'll go I've I've forgot something in another room before, you know And you got to go get something you leave something at home Or you have to call up diner and main and tell them to mail your air pod

um I believe stuff all the time So I can imagine a soul just kind of leave something but then you got to come back and get it, you know Uh, and I think it's easy for a soul to get out of a body is pretty You know a body is it's just that dirty bird cage, baby. This thing is It's not that strong really. It's great Because it makes our all our organs just be like a team, but It's not that go stab yourself

Stab yourself four times, man Don't call anybody for eight minutes. See how you do You know I'm saying That bodies only can only handle so much and I don't I don't blame ghosts for leaving some bodies I don't blame ghosts for Some bodies if I'm a ghost I'm a spirit. I'm out Some guy doesn't brush his teeth for a month, dude. I'm ghosted. I'm out. Okay Some guys in a domestic dispute dude and him and he's in a standoff with the police

I'm out I think you're gonna see a lot more ghosts because I think ghosts are tired of being We're just you know people screwing around Just drinking damn mountain dudes all day if I'm a ghost and I want to do more running if I'm that david ghostkins I'm out That's probably who a lot of spirits are a lot of spirits are just A lot of ghosts are just uh spirits that left home because shit was getting bad in the body You know you you realize you know your owner or whatever can't read

And he's 30 I'm leaving Ghost by I'm not staying around inside of somebody at a certain point. That's not Towing there into the line You know you you dudes out there playing dice and he's 41. I'm out. I'm out I'm out So I'm not shocked that a lot of ghosts are really I think you'll see more ghosts

Because I think a lot of these spirits are getting tired of they thought we were gonna do something with this whole deal And we're just fucking people are just masturbating and looking you know doing binoculars and shit If that's all and I'm a spirit Cyan are I'm out Ever moved out of a bad neighborhood? That's that's a ghost That's a ghost these days The bodies they're in they're not cutting it

And they just say hey, I'm done here. I'm gonna go look for something else. So, yeah, I Believe in ghosts bub. I do believe in them What else do we have let's see if we can't get to one more call um Well, here's one that came in We're not the old vine this boy Jeremy from bad rouge What's up brother Jeremy? Thank you for calling mate I was gonna let you know that I took a trip over to Australia and I came back and I had some cuts all over me and my mom said

Yo, where did those cuts come from? I said rise up live rise up lights rise up lights And she laughed and we cried and it was a special moment But hey, I wanted to let you know that in your episode you were talking about a turquoise hand Or a turquoise hand. I think you might have meant a cornish hand dog You know the little the little chickadee that you put the stuffing in or you get it from the store Yeah, brother. Thank you. Yeah, turquoise hand, baby. Oh, no cornish hand. Sorry

Yeah, cornish hand, it's you're right and thank you for that man. Yeah, I remember when my mother dated a man He had cornish. He made us the first time he ever had us come over. He made us cornish hens And we're poor as fuck. I've never seen a real hen, you know, I'd never I didn't know what But I knew that this man it was real weird. He was feeding us these little bitty ass, you know These are little children hens. This is This is uh, what a lot of uh, you know, this is some Epstein appetizers, baby. This is something uh Gidlain Maxwell would consider a delicacy

so Yeah, and I just remember trying to eat that bitch and just hated that man you know, because it just It's already hard that you're being a kid. You're you have to go to someone's house and eat. You don't know them And they're dating your mom and then they give you this little And it just looks so more human. You see its little arms and its little muscles God

It just felt like being in science class like during like 11th grade, but suddenly they gave you a fork Instead of a scalpel and you're like This is gonna be dicey Um So anyway, yeah, I remember those hands, baby gang. Um What else let's take one more call, man Hey, you know, it's alan from west LA I'm in the car right now. It's a little randy. So I hope you can hear me. All right

Uh, thank you for calling alan from west LA, baby gang onward I'm calling there and I'm trying not to be emotional. Um These these are happy tears though I'm I'm calling because I just want to say thank you so much, man um You know, if you're ever wondering if you're doing something good You know, I want to let you know that you you've helped me so much in my life. Um Uh a few years ago, I was I was in a really bad spot. I was in

Tribal toxic relationships with bad people. I was Stuck in a in a job or I mean, it was more of like a call to be honest. I was brainwashed Damn brainwashed. Damn, brother My god, brother Damn I'm sorry to hear it, man I can't I've never been brainwashed really. I mean, we all have but I never have been directly brainwashed, man And I'm sorry to hear that at homeward

I was dead broke um I had I had negative money actually I my account would get over drafted all the time My savings and checking so I mean if you gave me money, I would still have zero money. That's that's Oh, dude, that's wild. If you gave me money, I would still have zero money. That's crazy onward, brother I'm not laughing at you, man. It made me laugh gang. That's how bad it was When I was in that condition, man, I was living right next to great one piece on P going 17th and I turned on your podcast and

I heard that you were sponsored by them. So I gave you a chance and About, you know, a year and a half ago I was listening and you were just talking about making changes in life, man, and uh You just you said this thing which sounds almost silly, but you said It's nothing changes if nothing changes and that gave me the strength to To do something and change my situation and and now I'm Um

I'm doing better than I ever have man. I have a I have a partner who loves me and we're doing great and I have a job. That's that's fantastic and And and I'm and I'm saving a lot of money up more money than I ever had in my entire life and things are just going up and up and I just I just want to thank you so much Theo. I I love you. I love your podcast and I just thank you so much for everything you do man. I appreciate you. Hey gang gang brother, uh Thank you, man. Thanks for the message

Gray block pizza, baby. Yeah 1811 pico boulevard on the way to the beach son gray block, baby. Get that hitter Man, I'm happy for you. You know, I'm happy that you're feeling better. Uh I appreciate you calling and just sharing that um And that's all you man. It's all you, you know choosing to do something different in your life um You know that nothing changes if nothing changes. It's a it's a great statement. I heard that somewhere

in an AA meeting Uh, and I shared it, you know, because it just resonated with me so much and I remember it all the time You know that if something is going to be different, I have to do something different You know, I can't think my way in a positive action But I can act my way in a positive thinking You know and um

Yeah, I just I could sit there and think all day, but it's not going to do anything for me I got to move my legs. I have to move my heart Um Or if I move my legs, it can it can move my heart. It can move my brain But I got to do something Nothing changes if nothing changes, man. Yeah. Thank you for reminding me of that. I needed to hear that So it's a statement that we share, you know, and you hear it and and and then I hear it and

somebody else hears it And you know, I'm trying to do something. I'm just trying to be loving this holiday season. I'm just trying to remember that there's new possibilities I'm just trying to remember that um That things could be better always Even if they're already great, there's always room for things to be better or different or more unique Um

And that all things are really are possible Um And that may sound crazy to some people, but I just think it all just ends in that space that yeah If if if I want things to be different, I have to do something different Uh You know, it's it's just it's all just means at this point, but Anyway, man, I love you brother and uh And thank you for calling dude. I'm so happy that you're doing better

You know, I'm so happy that you got that fever. You got that fire that you decided to change something And it sounds like once you did that a lot of things have changed so Uh What else we've been off for doing pregnant a wife. We talked about ghosts Um Let's take one more. We'll take one more here Thank you. What's up, brother gang gang, brother

um It's cliff calling you from whiskey mass. What's up cliff from out there in Worcester mass, baby onward I called you before talking about my uh alcoholic Wayne bro, I went to treatment. I'm back my son's second birthday tonight, man Um, I just love everything you do, man. You're a great inspiration um I don't know what to say suffer. I'm upstairs

all right, brother Keep it 50 layer Gang, baby. Keep it 50. I'll do it. I can't I'll meet you halfway I'll meet you halfway. It takes two to tango. It takes we can't do it alone You know, we got this I'm so happy for you, man. Happy birthday your son's second birthday And you sitting there with a clear head and clear heart you can handle it

And you dare and you you you you're capable of uh Of being there for him today. Um, man, that's cool That's really cool, man Just happy for you. You know happy that you're living that's living man Seeing a kid have fun and you put him to bed and then you and you sitting there with memories of it You sitting there just caught up in the joy still of it high on the joy Way of other humans and of love It's good shit, man. That's beautiful. Shit. So

Congratulations, man. Merry Christmas to you and to your little fella and Merry Christmas to everybody. I want to thank everybody for being a part of this podcast this year. Uh I want to thank everybody that's um Help produce this podcast this year Uh and just been a part of my life. Um, Colin Reiner, Raleigh Mow, uh, Nick Davis um Sean Dugan, Jimmy Rector

We've had a whole crew this year that has uh chipped in and helped out. It's been a unique time with uh moving around and and trying different things And you guys thank you And uh, thank you for being a part of my life And if you need me, uh I'm gonna probably take a break coming up in January here We'll have some guest episodes that you'll be able to enjoy

Um, and those are all new guest episodes. Uh, those won't be repeats or anything Um, but I'm just trying to focus on just making myself feel pretty pretty well and uh, and I'm Um, you know, I'm gonna figure out exactly how I'm gonna do that. I'm looking at some different options. Um, and I'm gonna choose what's just most comfortable for me and um And that's always evolving kind of But I'm grateful to you guys and if you need me, baby, you know where I'm gonna be son I'm upstairs

Gang baby, let's leave out in this uh holiday tune right here Here Oh, there we go Come on Do they say come a lot in this deal on jeepers I'm That is if you want to grab that you can it's oh come all ye faithful by gregory david Uh, thank you guys for being a part of my year man. Uh, you guys be good to yourself gang