This Past Weekend - E375 Blair Socci

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

Blair Socci is a Los Angeles based comedian and breathwork instructor. Theo and Blair Socci discuss breathwork, ayahuasca, stand-up comedy, and different paths to healing. Find Blair Socci: https://www.instagram.com/blairsocci/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Keeps: https://keeps.com/THEO Receive your first month of treatment free. Peloton: https://onepeloton.com Try the Peloton app free for 2 months. Upstart: https://upstart.com/THEO Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today. Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO Get your new wireless plan for $15 per month. Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 ------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the show today guys. I want to let you know that I have some tour dates If you want to see me in live in the live space visual Real time they call it IRL Jacksonville, Florida February 2nd. I'll be there St. Petersburg, Florida February 3rd Orlando, Florida February 5th Lafayette, Indiana February 24th Rockford, Illinois February 25th, Chicago, Illinois February 26th Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh, that's sold out now May 6th. We may add one there and then in Los Angeles, California at the Wilton May 7th That is all return of the rat tour. You can grab those tickets are on see now the ovan.com

Slash tour today's guest is a comedian and a licensed breath work Teacher I've been taking classes with her and I'm really excited that she's here miss Blair sucky Blair Sochi, Sochi. Socky. Dang like the drink. Oh Wow, it's not intuitive. Don't worry. What do you mean intuitive? Like you would think it's Sochi Yeah, I mean. Oh, so I shouldn't feel bad since I didn't get it right. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, I guess I always in my head have been calling you Blair Sochi. Yeah, whatever you want. Yeah. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's good. I think I could see you being either one Yeah, some of my best friends don't even know how to pronounce. I don't really care. Yeah

So I know you we I know you through Breathwork you you you I know you do stand-up comedy, right? And but then a friend of mine turned me on to you recently about about doing breathwork Yeah, and I didn't know anything about it. And so I was like, well, what is it? You know, so What is it? Okay Well, yeah, I started breathwork sort of at the beginning of the pandemic I just love I love learning. I'm like a really curious person and I took a few classes and sort of my mind was blown

and Then later on I I took a course Certification course just because I wanted to learn more about it. I never ever thought I would teach it or use it or anything but basically it's like holotropic breathing and Holotropic, yeah, and it's like you move your mic down. It's a little bit. So it sounded for your face. Yeah, okay Is that better? Can you see or is that okay? Okay? and it's like a two-part it's a two-part technique as you know through the mouth and You breathe deeply into the belly and then a chest breath on top and then you know easy exhale

Okay, so I go so it's inhale through the mouth. Yeah all through the mouth nothing through the nose. Okay So stomach and then chest It did exhale. Yeah. Yeah, and then you just try to keep a rhythm through the whole thing and it just You know it alkalizes your blood in a different way Then you're used to and all sorts of crazy shit happens So do you know what happens because the first time that we did it you and I did it yesterday? We've done three sessions. Yeah, and and thank you for that. It's been really interesting. Yeah dog Uh the

Yesterday. Yeah, my hands everything gets real hard, you know, like I can't even like move my hands. It almost feels like I'm Like if you see a dead body or something, you know, they call it lobster claws It's tetanus and it's just because you know, there's a different amount of co2 in your blood than usual It's called tetanus. Yeah, you pull that up from your usual Breathing, okay. Yeah, so it's a big difference in how much co2 is in your body than your regular state of breathing And so your hands go like that, but it's not nothing is wrong with that There's nothing that's gonna happen and is it poisonous because we used to sleep in my buddy Jeff's house and they had a Co2 leak I guess in his house or something and we would sleep for like literally 36 hours

That's really I'm glad you're still alive. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah, definitely. He's alive also That's really good. But is that that's is that co2 the car is that? No, that's I mean, that's an external co2 gas This is just produced within your body. So you're safe But you know, like if it is it is sometimes a sign that you're going too hard Like you're being too forceful, especially on the exhale like if you get too much of the tetanus. Yeah. Yeah, okay So let's bring it up. I just want to be able to see what it is just so I'm there you go If you have experienced cosmic breathwork, you may have experienced tetanus

Tetanus is characterized by cramping tightening tingling paralyzing or numbing sensations of the hands and or feet and even the face Oh, wow. So yeah, I do remember now my face got and my neck started to feel a little bit like hard and tight Yeah, if this does occur during cosmic breathwork, note that it is very common and should not be feared But what's happening? What's causing it? It's just like a dramatic increase of co2 into your butt But I don't mind it like when I'm doing breathwork I just know I kind of like it because I know it's working. It's sort of like when you're at the gym Yeah, and you know, you feel like Botox like a little yeah, I mean

What I just what I love about it is I just didn't even know that your body could feel these ways or that you could get to this stage just from Breathing right like I feel high after like I don't know Well, I don't know how many drugs you've done, but like it feels high like it's really good. Yeah, I've done it I've done it almost I haven't done cry. I've never I have never done crack. I was honest. I always wanted to smoke crack but um, I've never wanted to but who knows but I've never smoked crack before but um Somehow buddy said but I've never gotten into it, you know

But uh, but anyway, yes. So so yeah, because I didn't realize that so your butt. Yeah, I did feel after yesterday I felt really high. I just felt really like I don't know what I felt like I definitely felt altered like in an altered state Yeah, and the first time I did it. I mean, I just like it I don't know what happened that was different the first time but It literally like I was at the end like ball it like just like There was such a release of like, um, I don't know. What is that? What happens? Well, Collin and I were talking about it before and he was saying he cries every time and it's like

You can go into a session feeling great and then it'll unlock something just like the energy whatever, you know hurt or Uh, pain is in your body that you're not even aware of your conscious mind Um, so I cry a lot of times when I do it and it's just like every time I'm so surprised Um, it's crazy. Yeah, I heard the first time I did it I yeah, I was like and then I had to go to breakfast after with somebody and so I was like And I kept moving the graphics back like 15 minutes. I'm literally sitting in my hotel room like and I just like I just couldn't help but I said all these feelings and everything was so like raw It just felt like it's like raw meat. Totally, you know, and then I had to go on jacquero willing

Who's like a navy seal guy to do his podcast that day? And I walk in there like the complete opposite of a navy seal. I was like I was uh, it was very it was a tough day to be in front of like the toughest guys I think I told you that though like expect to be really raw after I mean Sometimes the sessions aren't that deep like I'll have one and I'll I'll be like really wanting to have some Yeah, it like excavating experience and it's just not that but then sometimes it really fucking hits you Yeah, it blew my mind. I didn't know that something like that could happen. I didn't know

It just shocked me. I didn't know that that that much of you could have that much of a release Yeah, I didn't know it either. I was stunned. What uh, what led you to even want to learn about it? uh, well One, I'm just a really curious person. I love trying new things especially, uh, you know with my body or spirituality or You know Healing or wellness, um as I get older. I take a lot better care of myself

especially with comedy and traveling so much and everything, um But yeah, I started reading a book. Uh, it's a famous one called the body keeps score And it's basically the premise is about how trauma is stored in our bodies and so When I kept getting recommended breath work because you bypass your conscious mind Like I've been in talk therapy forever. Yeah, so it's it's not good a lot of times Well, it's just like you a lot of times you're not getting like you can talk about things without feeling anything Oh interesting. Yeah, and the feeling part is what

Makes you able to pass through something I agree. I need to have the feelings about things So it's like when someone's given me information that never helps me It's like my therapist where I work best with therapists that are able to like trick me into having a moment where I have a feeling And then it's like, oh, yeah, and then you can move through it. Right. Yeah We don't even realize how much we avoid feeling feelings And so like I think that's another part of breath work. It's like we're always on our fucking phones We're always doing shit like testing now. Yeah, or feelings are like sasquatches now. Yeah, it's crazy

It's like, well, I think I had a feeling what do you see any pictures of it? Right? And it's just in the distance like that I think also there's like an element of panic around it because We do so little of it right a lot of times. Yeah, it's crazy how quickly we're getting away from like the things that are very human Yeah, and then how almost alarmed we are when they come up. Yeah um And then how we create so many medicines and everything to like keep them at bay, right like whether it's like uh antidepressants or even like all the women are on like, uh, the that little birth control nugget or whatever nowadays, you know So it's like everybody, you know, it's like, uh, yeah, so it's anything that has like it's a natural thing

We have like, oh, we gotta I'm really aware of it now like that I've gotten into mindfulness and I meditate a lot. I'm really into meditation and um, I will be like, oh, I'm reaching for my phone sometimes and it's not Because I actually intentionally want to go on my phone. It's just habit and avoidance and like Not wanting to sit and be present or silent or bored, you know Yeah, it's gotten so addictive. Um, I noticed it too. I just started really getting into meditation pretty good I think about the past three weeks. I've been doing really well with it. Oh, that's great And I noticed like a little moment. There's like it's like a a millisecond between me doing something and me

Real realizing that I'm doing something. It's just like there's a little bit of realization in there Right. Like oh like why are you like what are you doing right now? Right? And it's just god. It's almost such a relief because for so long. I've just been Doing and almost don't even like just reactive everything feels so reactive. Yeah It's it's so much doing instead of just being. Yeah, which sounds fucking right, but it's true Yeah, um, so where do you start comedy you started in I started in new york. Oh you did. Yeah, you're new york city person Yeah, okay. Well, I'm from orange county, california. Oh damn. We are pretty rich Um, I hope to be more rich. We are folks pretty well off. Um, they did well. Yeah. Yeah

What kind of jobs did they have? Um, my dad is in real estate. Oh nice. Yeah, and my mom Took care of us. Yeah. Yeah, were they oh she got to be a stay at home mom. Yeah. Oh, that's cool Yeah, that's pretty cool. Were they like an or like was that like sometimes you think about those or the orange county couple, you know, or like the People get fancy down there kind of you know, it's just like some of the areas, you know Newport and stuff it gets kind of fancy Um, my parents like my parents didn't grow up with money. They're they work really hard. They're really hard workers Uh, but yeah, I could be like that. It's a strange place. I didn't quite Understand until I moved away what it really I mean, I just grew up surfing and playing volleyball. That was like really my

life. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so at what point did you kind of think about comedy or like What kind of led you to maybe Did you know when you were younger that you had that ability like what where does it come from for you? Yeah, well, I'm the youngest and only girl of I have older brothers and they had like a million friends and I my family is like hyper masculine like Just the way I grew up was like hunting fishing like sports And so that was like sort of my currency to just be a really good athlete and funny To have any value in the family, right? Yeah

Yeah, sometimes we you create funny because it's like, oh, I need to have some sort of value. Yeah to even be allowed to To share air with my older brothers. Wow. Yeah, and you know, they were so fucking cool and surfing and skating and like Uh, great athletes and yeah, and they tall too Yeah My parents are like These adonis people too. They're like very hot incredible shape Yeah, it was like a nightmare to even be like a little ugly at any point in my life Yeah, they have fucking abs now. Oh my now in their sixties. Yeah. I mean, it's that level

That's wild. Yeah, and did y'all live in like Newport or something around there? No, we didn't live in Newport We lived in um, San Juan Capistrano area. Oh, yeah, that's pretty some of us the train goes by there Yeah, and it looks really nice or by saying Clemente, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, some of them. I see the train when it goes by there It's like I always want to get off right there. Just seem like a nice little like kind of romantic spot or something It is it's beautiful. Um So then see you you go to school down there you and then when did you start doing stand-up? Uh, so I started In my mid I well I went to uh, New York for grad school to be a novelist

Oh, really? I didn't ever know that I was going to start comedy. There was no intention I had I didn't see my first comedy show till it was 25 uh I had never been exposed to comedy. Orange County is not like A cultural hotbed in any way. Yeah. It's just like wasn't in my sphere. Um, and I started dating a dude Right before I left for New York white guy Yes Why?

Oh, I don't know. We're trying to get some idea who the guy is, you know, I just don't want to I bet you're briefly you're probably Uh, aware of who he is, but um, oh, okay. So be a comedian guy. Yeah Oh, she started dating a comedian and he got you in but he wasn't really a comedian yet He had just like started open mics, but he basically like Introduced me to comedy and then I moved to New York. We broke up and um, I was interviewing comedians because I was a writer Um, and just like one day like six months later. I was interviewing Michael Che I was his first inner piece of press ever And like I was asking these questions that in hindsight or someone who wanted to start

But my brain hadn't told me that I didn't realize that yeah And then like a couple days later in the shower I had the thought and then I just started and you just started where did you take a class? Did you go to a um? I took a class which they don't teach you anything It's basically the only benefit is that no one else in there has done it And so you're not afraid of looking fucking dumb and you're doing it. You're going to a place He took a new I took a class so you're going to a place each week and doing it So there's a lot of value in that indeed at the graduation of the class

Did you was it one where you guys got up on stage at the end? Yeah, yeah It was I got them And it just sort of was like an immediate thing and I was like, oh, this is it I still finished my Master's degree because I didn't know it was going to end up being my career. Just like lit money on fire, but um You were living in New York City? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, and were you partying pretty hard? What's the part? I mean, it must have been pretty sick, right? Yeah, it was it was really cool and just like at that point You know in New York, it's such a good place to start

Everyone says it's not because you want to start in like a small market But there was so much stage time like all my friends We would just be like drinking going a bunch of mics and I it was really fucking fun And did you feel like it was male dominated? Did you feel like it was like What do you think about that kind of stuff when people because there's a lot of some women I think use that as like a or some people use like their whatever their thing that's different about them as like a We we're not there's not enough of us represented. Does it feel like a male dominated business to you? I mean, it is a male dominated business, but that just never really crossed my mind because I felt right at home

Good in the way grew up and I never felt You grew up in a male dominated business. Yeah, I was like I'm thriving right now Like I never I was not intimidated by any I was like, oh like I'm gonna be Afraid of this fucking dork, right? I was like They were a virgin till they were 22. I don't fucking care, you know Yeah, um, but I love them. Yeah, I loved it I love the whole thing and like I loved being around so many different types of people that I was Not around growing up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I bet. Yeah, you know, in New York

You get in any of the big cities you get like all types. Yeah Yeah, because I really started out here kind of in Los Angeles. So Oh, you did. Yeah, so I think I can relate to that like just there's so many different types of people come Passing through and like you see so many people that start out they start and then they get into something else or it's like, right You see so many people's little career paths kind of deter here and there, you know, my hair is falling out I swear I saw some of it the other day. I saw a damn A bunch of it on the sink and it formed a little eyebrow and took off Left for somewhere who knows probably Persia

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Go to mint mobile.com slash Theo. That's m-i-n-t m-o-b-i-l-e dot com Slash th-e-o Was there a time where you kind of knew that it was we really felt like okay? This is this is kind of fitting in my life or was there a time like in the beginning where you're like this is not uh This is not really working for me no, I just sort of clicked right away and then like I

uh got cast on an mtv show like Almost less than two years in and um, was it the one that just made peluso did that show? It was a spin-off of girl code. It was under the girl code banner, but it was a prank show Nice. Yeah, and that sort of just started things and um, yeah And so that's and so then you've just been doing it since then. Yeah Do you feel like I know we talk you mentioned like or I mentioned I think about it's male dominant Does it feel like a why do you think comedy is male dominated or does it feel male dominated?

Well, I think the act of comedy itself is extremely masculine thing You're walking on stage and and you're like, yeah What I have to say is important and you guys will respond to it like the whole thing is extremely masculine in itself um Yeah, it's almost like a combat. You're almost going to a war in a way. Yeah, it feels like Yeah In combat was stereotypically has always been a male thing right kind of you know, yeah, it's changing Yeah, you know, but I think like if you look at like kind of like the

Arch types or whatever then it's usually a man out there, you know, yeah, and I think also uh, the the population in the country Really, I mean, it's also changing in this way because of podcasting and um online specials and And social media and all this stuff, but like before I started comedy I was maybe aware of five comedians Yeah, and they're only the top five big it like you're not really aware of the um Comedy landscape and so I don't think people really have been exposed to that Many female comedians and I don't like to think about it because I don't want to

Have that perspective. I don't think it's helpful for me. Yeah to be like, no, no one's gonna You know, whatever. I have a pussy, but um I do notice it sometimes like online Where you'll see like youtube comments or something and you're like, oh the rest of the country only thinks Men are funny. Just naturally. It's just like a Misogynist thing. Yeah, and but also who gives a fuck about them. You have your own audience. Whatever Yeah, I think I mean, well finding your own audience is key. I mean, I think different places I I think And I don't even know if it's the rest of the country thing. I don't know. It's like

It always seems like Here's what I think sometimes as when I think about male and female comedians I always men it always seems like They are And maybe this is just because I've seen this in television and film over the years, but they're like the goofball. They're the The fuck, you know, they're the bat bumbling You know, yeah, I know what you mean. And so you don't mind if something happens to the bumbling You don't mind if that guy steps in a fire slips on a banana peel

For me the thing that always And this was the same thing about you watching UFC women. I didn't like it at first I didn't like it because it felt like I didn't think all these people shouldn't be able to do this Right. I think anybody should do whatever they want. It just was like I always thought of women as like mom Yeah, exactly. And like a sister. Right. So when you think about oh man, my sister, you know, it it's a male Instinct of your sister's getting in a fight that you help or like and then comedy always felt like was such an uncomfort, I think also so it was like Man, this is so uncomfortable. You don't a woman doesn't need to go through this

That's what my dad said like I should put my I see a woman walking on stage. I should put my coat down Yeah, over like, you know, yeah, so that she doesn't step in the state, you know or step in the So I think there's a lot of that. I don't know if it's that For me it was never that women Shouldn't do this But I did always I think and it wasn't a choice I made no it's an unconscious bias like for you You're saying it's like a certain fragility that you're worried about Yeah, I just felt like why do like

Why do women have to do why do they need to endure this That's literally what my dad said to me like when I first started. He's like You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. Why are you choosing to put your life in a basement with drunks and fuck ups? And I was like fair fair point, you know, but also it's just like it is what it is It's like a like my I think what you're saying is totally real like because I feel that way that I'm received that way in orange county Because they cannot fathom that a woman would not my own Focus and priority would not be to be married with three kids right now

Right and like my family's never seen me my brother's had but my my parents have never seen me do comedy before Wow, or any of my tv stuff either Well, here's something also that happens a lot of women start doing comedy, right? And I'm probably gonna give receive hell for this because it's a very it's a generalization Here's something that I sometimes feel could be realistic and I don't know here we go um And they and then the first thing they do is beat this woman drum Instead of beating the comedy drum, you know, it's like

um You mean offstage? Yeah, kind of it's like I'm a female like somebody will be doing it a month and they're big and they're just like I you just start getting into like this I'm a and I think maybe it was a kind of a fad that happened for a while. It was like, um And maybe women needed to maybe maybe they need to do that to make sure that they're seen in like a in like a male dominated environment, you know, but I feel like sometimes People will lean so much on any whatever it is that makes them

Like oh, I'm southern or I'm a woman or I was on fire, you know, you see some guy and he's got skin graft He's like I was on fire, you know, that's his big thing and he's like, you know Fire shows, you know, we're doing everybody who's on been on fire ever you got to be on, you know, you're on the fire lineup only You know victim like, you know, like somebody you know neck brace line, you know, it's neck brace night at the fucking um And I don't think it's a bad I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I don't know what I'm saying exactly I guess I'm saying some people attach themselves so much to something that they

Forget that what they're doing is they we still have to do the thing Yeah, I mean, I feel two ways. I'm not saying that about you. No, I don't think you're I've never even seen me do comedy I wonder if that's true or not. I don't think so uh but yeah, I I want to be aware of shit and sometimes I can feel things like a lot of times When I'm in a green room, I mean less now that I'm like more known but like immediately when you walk in a green room If it's like a older comic or a famous comic, they think that you're the girlfriend of another

And it's just like but like that's not something I'm gonna get upset about but I can feel it immediately when I walk in or um When I'm on stage like, you know comedy though is a meritocracy like it's an instantaneous reaction If you're not good, it's very apparent, you know, and like yeah, I think so But then the industry also started to adjust where they're just picking people because of things And that I think has certainly loosened up. I think some of the meritocracy of it. Yeah, that is uh true Like it's much more diverse in in tv and everything in movies and opportunities and stuff Um, and I think that's a good thing. I I don't think people should you know necessarily get something uh

for without handing value, but I like the diverse perspective but Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's good because I do think it's good in the sense that it helps like, um Um It does help diversify things some, you know, it's like it helps like Uh plant seeds and people who maybe they also need inspiration. They're young in their career

Or it's like maybe a face you wouldn't normally get to see because things are so if things are so often the same way, you know Um, it gives different people opportunities. I think it's less less uh Stand up is less driven by that than you know, say television Right, just hollywood in general. Yeah, like you see I don't see these lineups or whatever and I'm like that wasn't the designing factor. Yeah Yeah, it's interesting it's interesting because I wonder yeah, why do I sometimes feel like Or what are some of the things that make me feel like it's a man's sport

Or that it makes I think yeah, I think those are the things for me about that. It's like there's some for agility to it that you don't want it's like a Uh, I mean, I don't know you well, but you seem like the Area of comedy that you roll in is hyper masculine and the people that you're friends with Yeah I guess so. Yeah, I mean I have some female comedian friends, you know, um But I guess yeah, I mean I guess more my comedian friends are probably man probably Yeah, I mean that makes sense. Yeah or more yours women you think

Um No, I have like a mix. I mean I always say like I don't really like being a woman The the best part about being a woman is female friendship like my girlfriends in comedy are it's just like the best thing in the world because we're not really like it's such a Uh, it's such a distinct A way of life that many people don't understand and especially like growing older as a woman Uh, people can't really understand like why you would want to do it

So it's like you're really understanding each other in a way that other people don't right, but um, no, I love all my guy friends and yeah You know, it's interesting. It's so and there's also so few people that do it. Yeah um There's when you think about it like even when you said like there's you know You know like five minutes until you get in a comedy and then you realize so many people have known nothing about comedy Totally, you're like in the world so you know what you start to like but then there's so many people have no idea about Like they couldn't like chris ride. They would just name chris rock like eddie murphy, you know

Yeah, they wouldn't know robin right Yeah, um, they have one point of reference like A lot of my girlfriends uh, and I joke about it But like so many people will be like and they'll be trying to compliment you but it's fucking rude They'll be like you're like a more funny amy schumer or like a less funny amy schumer Whatever it is. They're just comparing you and it's like you could just say good job. Right Bitch. Yeah, people don't know how I mean, I think some people also they just don't know that much You know, like you're saying if they're trying to give you some people are bad at compliments

Yeah, it's always like backhanded or whatever But it's the point is that they have one woman and she has blonde hair Right, and so they immediately they're like, I have to make that association and I have to tell it directly to this person Yeah, yeah, I wonder what is it what is that in people that makes them that makes us feel like we have to do that sometimes um I think it's just because you want to try to feel connected you want to try to share something You know, it's interesting is if an old person says it you'll give them less grief than you would if like a young person says it Yeah, um, that's how I try to think about like online comments

You know, like if you see a crazy person yelling in the street Where they're like, you're a fucking whore, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I didn't take that in I was just like that person's out of their fucking mind. Right. But if you see them But that's why I cheat though. I'm like, oh, they're not well. They're commenting on a person They don't know they've never met who would do that take the time in their day to do that. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, who do I see the other night? Oh, Jessica. Michelle singleton is so funny. Have you seen her perform before? Yeah, I like Jessica Jesus christ, dude It was one of the best sets I've seen in so long. Oh, that's so nice. She's so sweet too. She's such a good person It was uh, it was so funny, man

That's great. Yeah, it made me feel like damn It was just really really impressive. Um Yeah, I wonder why else I've ever thought like that maybe because also when I was growing up they didn't have like I guess you had I'm trying to think of female comics that I saw growing up Joan Rivers. Yep. Joan Rivers Paula Poundstone. Yeah, I remember Roseanne who I loved who was like probably one of our favorites They've always had a good deal of female comedians though I guess like they didn't use that many comedians that people knew about. Yeah, Sarah Silverman. Yeah. Yeah I feel like Hollywood's always done a decent job of putting up

Probably a like pretty diverse group except when it gets outside of black white and female After those I feel like it kind of fell off Now it's different I think now things have been changing and going in a great direction, but like the women before me They always said like, you know They could be better than some dudes in clubs like around the country wouldn't headline them because they said like people wouldn't come You know, so it's like based on like But then who's that? Is that anybody's fault though? Or is that just business?

Like you can't business, but it's fucking dumb because it's not based on Necessarily on talent like when you see like Laurie kill Martin when you watch Laurie kill Martin She's like one of the best joke writers in the country and she just Murders and to think of like a mediocre dude headlining over her is sad Right, you know what I mean, right? But I think a lot of that goes to like Just business. It's the same as like Like you could put a ton you could lay you could put a A lineup and diversify it all you want, right?

But in the end if it doesn't sell take if people aren't buying tickets to go see it Like if the if the people aren't buying tickets to go see it then no the market is dumb right So yeah, yeah in the end. It's like, yeah, it just has to be so maritaka. It doesn't always figure out I guess then does it no maritaka see is what I mean is just on stage where you're like, right? Okay, we'll see who's good and who's not oh, I've seen tons of you over the years I get opportunities because of like nepotism religion

um You know like a certain friendship that kind of stuff just happens. I think it happens in all walks of life, you know, yeah Yeah, like you see but that's also the thing that makes you keep fucking going like if it if you showed up and just walked in or like Hey, I'm here and I'm funny. Yeah, just because I'm Black female was in a fire You know died and came back to life I love how you keep saying Was in a fire as if that was someone's thing. I'm just thinking different. Oh, it certainly is man. They got all these shows

It's like I saw one one show. It was like, uh I haven't been going to these shows. You've been going to it's just some of the things I get, you know I get a link or something. Hey, check out this and it's all like um, like not a not victims of fliction Well, it's like a fliction night. I said publicly Do not ask me to do your all female show that it's like ladies of laughter or some shit I'm like that is so fucking humiliating. Why don't you just call it? Look at these clams yapping Like I cannot. I mean like I cannot even fathom that shit. It's so embarrassing

Well, here's here's so that here's something that happens. I think A lot of men also for me. I remember like I was so it was so tough sometimes like, um Who was I talking about one time? Oh, Nikki glaze when I first heard her act it reminded me for some reason of my mother specifically And so I like couldn't listen to her comedy the beginning because there was just some weird correlation between like her and what My mom sounded like to me growing up, right? Yeah, it's not that way now. I mean and she know I've talked It's just been like a funny thing, but um And I'm sure maybe girls women in weird ways, right and girls probably do the same to guys. I bet

Yeah, well, and there's also just a thing of like, you know It's good to be able to do well in front of everyone But there are demographics that are gonna be not more naturally drawn to you and your material and who you are and what you're talking about Like I don't like right, which is totally fine. And that's yeah Like the other night I did a show at that comedy jam jam in the vans So and then we had if uh, there was a comedian on the lineup who's a female comedian, right? She says to me and the crowd was pretty diverse She comes up to me after the show she goes. Hey, I just want to say I saw your crowd very diverse group

You're really doing your job. That's what she said to me And I'm like I will never work with this girl again for saying that because like, you know Hardest to get any audience you think I'm I have to get a certain type of audience like that's fucking Crazy to me like I'm happy to sell any tickets like Now I have to make sure each audience member like this person, you know has a hat this person has glasses This person's a ginger this person's a Filipino like that's fucking impossible Yeah, right like I don't know and maybe I had like I mean I could have had like an overreaction. It just seemed like And this was a girl who doesn't sell tickets, which is fine, right?

But it was like are you really telling me like that? I have to have now a diet like a diverse audience like It just fucking was like that's impossible Okay, maybe some people it's possible, but I love that you had it and this is a person who doesn't sell tickets Yeah, well, it's like coming from her. It's like, yeah, you would think that Hypothetically in this perfect world, it would be great if every time you walked out there There was like a perfect rainbow of an audience. I mean, I would love that personally for me like, you know, there's Nothing better on earth as a white woman than making black people laugh. Right. There's no better feeling in the world

But oh, yeah, but like yeah, I mean you can't control it and people like I'm sure A lot of you know, southern people are drawn to you. I don't have a big southern audience actually. Oh, yeah but um Yeah, most of my tickets I sell Australia Portland is my biggest audience. Oh, yeah, because I don't have a country audience I'm not a country guy. Um But yeah, it's funny. You would think that though. Well, I don't know what's country just like you're from aren't you from there? I'm from Louisiana. Yeah, but yeah, but I don't sell it's like I do great there, you know But I don't say it's not like my biggest markets. Yeah, and it never has been really

um But yeah, I don't know. I just felt like that was such an insight You're really doing your job like what the fuck are you talking about? What are you? I don't know and I don't know why I'm bringing that up right now I guess because we're like talking about that kind of stuff. Yeah, but it just blows like what? Like you can't control who comes out there Yeah, you know and you work so hard to get anybody to come out there That you are great. I'm grateful for those people. I don't care. What fucking calling care if they have no heads or arms

Yeah, if they have a heart that cares and wants to be there. Yeah, then I'm grateful for that. Yeah, you would love a limbless I would be totally fine. Yeah, you'd love them to be wheeled into your show Yeah, yeah, I mean it would be fine. Um Um, but yeah, I just thought that mindset that like now I wonder if that's a mindset that some comedians feel now that like man Now I have to get this perfectly diverse audience. You know, I don't know. I don't think about that shit I just try to be a good person I'm for diversity, but you know, just do what I can do and There's so much you can't control

Yeah Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't really know a lot of people that aren't for diversity. I guess That's good. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of inevitable You know, you can't even really be racing anymore because everybody's so mixed now, you know It's like almost impossible. You almost have to like a real chart if you're really going to be racist Like you got to really fucking do some homework, you know. Yeah, I feel like anyway Um So what other stuff have you tried outside of breath work? Uh

I really did a lot. Have you like so court like quarantine and I've always been like this I was like this since I was a little kid I was raised Catholic, but like my parents when I would ask them about God They're just like change the subject, but it's like an Italian thing It's just like culturally Catholic because my dad's like full Italian. Okay. Um, but I was like I would think deeply about all of it like really seriously and I always was like Reading and I just love learning and so, um You know, I've been in therapy for a long time and uh

Uh, when quarantine hit I was like, oh and now I can't do stand-up like I had this time And I just started taking like all these weirdo online courses I did I took breath work and like I took it online through zoom Yeah, I was taking breath work classes for the first time and I just couldn't believe it. It was amazing Um Because you know, I was reading those books that are saying like trauma stored in your body in like your physical Body of your tissues and everything. Did you believe that when you heard it at first? Yeah I mean, there's like a lot of research about it

Uh, and you know, if you had any abuse or anything it's in there like beyond your conscious mind Um, and then like I took reiki certification Yeah, I just was like and I just do all this stuff for fun. Oh, it's fascinating Yeah, like I like learning about it and I take a little from each thing I don't like I don't treat anything as dogma. Yeah, and then I took TM meditation certification And then I did ayahuasca. Oh, wow. Yeah um, so I want to go through a little bit of that so, uh

What what what do you say you said? um Breathwork breathwork and you got certified to teach it. Yeah. Wow. I took two Uh levels of courses the first one is just to teach one on one and then the second level is to teach like group classes And how long does that certification stuff take? um, it's just I don't know how it's like How many hours would it have been probably like 16 hours per level? You do like it was online. Dang. Yeah, and are you like practicing your neighbors and shit?

Like what do you how do you is there? Well, I wasn't going to teach it. It was never I was never going to teach it Yeah, you were just learning it to learn. I was just like interested. Yeah, and you know, I wasn't on the road I wasn't doing anything and it was just fun and um And then like nine months after I took it like some of my friends were like people are all really fucked up around us Like you should just do an online one and I was like no that's weird especially like You know comedy and stuff like those feel like a vulnerable thing to be like Take my refer class. Yeah, um, but yeah, I like made an online thing And a bunch of people came and they really liked it and then I've done like two cents and I'm doing another one

I hadn't I haven't done one since june, but I'm doing one on Tuesday. Hmm. Yeah um You haven't done one of your own you mean No, I haven't had a virtual class or like that people you'll do a virtual oh and anybody can go Yeah, so is it the same like the lesson that you gave me? Yeah, but it's a group personalized. Right. Yeah. I can't personalize it for like a big group. But right like when we do a session Um, you know, I think britney is the one that told you you're yeah, britney, uh, Hunter no britney britney schmitt. I'm sorry britney hunter went to my high school

Yeah, the fuck is britney hunter. I she was a great woman. I don't know. I don't I think she's still a lot. I don't know But um, I think she went to my school. I don't even know Oh, I remember like one person from high school. So I don't really yeah Wow, you just you just don't you know, we're not a fan. You just did you thrive in high school? I did Everything was going great until Something bad happened. Oh in high school. Yeah. Oh But like yeah

And I did thrive you did. Yeah, we uh, how do you feel like you thrive like were you funny then? I was funny. Like I was sorry for her. I was like like sorry volleyball player I went to UCLA. You went to UCLA for volleyball. Oh, wow, really? Yeah. Oh dang. Yeah Dude, what a babe Uh, it was so high school was good, but I some shit did go down that really was tough Was it um my coach? You're you had a coach. Yeah Was abusive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, it's okay. Thank you

Um, is that one of the things that you made you want to do so like seek out some of these other things? Yeah, and like, you know, I'd work my whole life. I was like junior national team all this stuff like volleyball And this is in college. Uh, yeah, and then like it was just kind of I mentally wasn't like It just wasn't great for me because everything that happened and stuff and I quit like two years in Um, so you had a you had a abusive experience with a coach. Yeah in I sorry. I don't know how to ask about it

No, that's okay. You're doing great. Yeah, I'm curious. It's process. It's not like, yeah Okay, so you had so you were in high school when this happened? Yeah, wow. Yeah, and it was uh a coach of yours. Yeah, and did was there charges? Was it No, like what can I ask you what happened? I mean, it was like a sexual abuse thing and um, like There was I've talked about it on podcast because I'm trying to be brave because I don't I get nervous asking about certain Stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, I'm not trying to like I don't want you to be uncomfortable No, no, I'm I'll only go as far as I want to go Okay, and I don't want you to feel like I expect you to talk about it. No, no, it's um, but I think it if it's

I do think it's interesting if What our traumas are or why? You know, because that breathwork class the first one I took from you fucking blew my mind Like I'm on the phone with my brother. I can't even talk right because I'm crying You know and he thinks just something's wrong with the connection and I'm like Fucking something's wrong with every connection in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure. And like these things um impact us Like subconsciously for a long time

And I was in therapy and You know therapy is great and I got to a place where I could you know talk about it totally comfortably and And was it a relationship that you have with the coach? Uh, yeah, I mean there was like I found out there was like many other people besides me, but um unfortunately Uh, but yeah, I really was just so disorienting and like a really developmental Like sensitive time of my life. Wow. And especially like this thing where I sort of felt like I had to choose between saying something or like

um Ruining my which sadly I still think was the right choice Because I was like, I'm not fucking up my dream of playing division volleyball at my division one volleyball at my dream school You know. Yeah. Um, so I didn't say any I didn't say shit. Um And then yeah, just I sort of started processing and when I was older I ended up doing uh talking about it and stand up like uh Like sort of before the pandemic and I was never like one of those people that was like I have to be confessional comedy or whatever I was like, I would only talk about this if it was not for any sort of like processing trauma

But because it was really fucking funny Um, and so I did that and that was really cool, but also really Uh It wore on me a lot more. Can't heart it. Yeah, I could only I only did it for like war on you Yeah, because it was so different like I I talked about it. Um, I thought like I talked about it so much that it's Like I feel great talking about it on stage every night Uh, it took so much out of me physically

And also before I got it like good, you know Trauma bombing Yeah, no, it's like nothing more pain. No, I just got molested again. Um, but yeah Uh, and then I put that set out by silence. Yeah I was like you guys are injuring me right now. Um, But yeah, like I'm really proud of that set like I think it's like one of the funniest things I've ever done Um, wow. Yeah, what would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? What would you do? If you didn't have a high interest rate mortgage, you didn't have credit card debt, what would you do?

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Bike workout meditation dance cardio. It's all on there for a limited time only try the peloton app Free for two months then 12.99 a month after New members only visit one peloton.com slash app to learn more. That's two months free at o-n-e p-e-l-o-t-o-n dot com Offer expires 131 22 terms apply So when all that so that you quit volleyball at the time because it was just all of it was too much No, I wouldn't say it was because of that like I wouldn't it was just like it was it had been so much Uh

That it was just I was overwhelmed. Wow like because I wasn't mentally And obviously I didn't have any support. I hadn't told anyone, you know, whatever it was Yeah, I was just really crazy experience And how much of that when you look back on it now? And if it's a not a fair thing to ask or something just let me know because I don't really know sometimes but um How much are you able to try and examine the psyche of whatever that person that like, you know The abuser was like are you able to like try and

And not obviously understand where they're coming from but see like You know because now you seem pretty in tune with like Feelings and why people do stuff. Maybe I'm sure you've had a lot of You know a lot of going through a lot of your own stuff with that. Are you able to like? I don't know what I guess no, am I able to forgive this person Yeah, like how do you find some footing to be able to forgive somebody because that would be fucking hard? Um, I don't think yeah, I mean, I've really had a whole process with that. I don't think Um, obviously it's not a well person. It's like they're mentally sick

You know a kid like when I see like a 16 year old now. I'm like, that's a baby, right? Uh, and so you are not well if you're Trying to date a baby. Yeah, if you're a child um, yeah, but I I I just see it as a sick person and you know, I had to it's painful and all this stuff, but um Yeah, it's just like I have to Move forward and enjoy my life Like you do have to look directly at these things to get through them

Uh, but yeah, I want to have a good life I'll say it's like I do have like commitment issues that I'm working through at this point in my life. Yeah Oh, I bet It's just like I mean I could yeah, you don't realize the side effects of like I think sometimes we don't even realize the side effects of certain things like all the little things that it can go into You know, yeah, like I'll have these like nice men try to get close to me and um, just like I don't know, but I'm I'm working through it Yeah, um

That's crazy it reminds me of like It just makes me think of when I was growing up they had like coaches that would get In trouble for date. Yeah, like there was a lot of that I mean, there's so much bullshit that goes on now. There's so much pain in the world There really is and it and it's like there really really is and like I I want to be each person that heals himself and gets well It has a ripple effect And it's able to be more kind to the people around them and to make the the world better and less full of pain

Yeah, I'm like, I want to be have children. I don't want to be really solid and Yeah, right. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to do that. I struggle a lot with that commitment stuff And it's so fucking hard for me like my whole life. It's always been hard for me to like say like this is my girlfriend Like I net there's nothing makes me cringe more than saying like that I'm attached to anybody. Is it because it um limits your options? No, I don't think that that's it. I think it's like some I mean, I'm sure there's been times where Obviously, maybe I didn't what didn't want to be in a relationship or something

But I think for me when I was young like the only thing I felt like I had was the way you saw me like I was always like hyper managing like my Like I had to hate it where we lived. I hated our financial status. I didn't like our family We had no family set up all these things that I had no control over Yeah, that fucking may just were like made me so angry or uncomfortable and then The only thing I could control was how you saw me like when you saw me How you saw me? So it was like I was constantly trying to manage this image

Of like I would take different buses to different neighborhoods and then fucking walk. I'm just weird shit But then I always like was I think it was like Well, if I have somebody else attached to me and they do something weird or uncomfortable or whatever Then that's gonna be a reflection of how you see me. It was just too much of a liability It was it's because it's all an outward focus Right like I'm concerned with what people yeah, I get that like I think that's something that's so natural especially as like

Teenagers and that whole time period and and then as you get older at something I'm really focusing on We talked about it in breath work, but like I really Really want to not look outward and that's I stop I really have been Negotiating my relationship with Instagram too because I feel that's all looking outward Yeah, I'll black out and like lose an hour just like watching fucking instagram stories and I'm like this is hell This is um, this is not like an intentional thing. I don't want to know what these people are fucking doing This is literally hell on earth. I'm afraid of being on my fucking death bed and being like I didn't live life I was just looking at instagram stories. Yeah, you know what I mean?

And so I and like on now also I'm really trying to think about like Especially it is hard when we do this thing where you are really putting yourself out there to be seen And that's gonna be difficult. It's hard to be vulnerable in like a public Life like this and so in my mind one thing I'm working on is just maintaining my energy No matter who I'm around like nobody is above me. Right. Nobody is below me whoever they are Yeah, so that I'm not like outside myself Oh, I see what you're saying

So it keeps everything in this ground where it's all like it's going to be the same no matter what so that's a lot more manageable I'm not trying to impress anyone And I'm not trying to look down on anyone right that's like the state that I'm trying to hang in girl That's a real tightrope. Yeah, I mean it's good. No, it's a great. I love it practice Right now I'll be around like really big fucking people and they're just a person. Yeah, and I'm also around people like I don't want I want to be regular with them. I want to treat that person That's like but like not wherever I am the exact fucking same. Yeah Sometimes it's hard dude. They had this guy in like in a park next to our

Uh, my place out here and he was like playing this drummer all night. He does not a drummer, right? So that's a real That was a lot, you know Um, but I seen himself Yeah Kind of but it kind of like you're not doing business hours, you know So sometimes it's hard man I just want to treat everybody well and not fucking throw limes at that guy. You know, yeah I know I will now I'll be like

Aware of my impatience Because you might be a highly sensitive person. Yeah, just 20 percent of the population. Is it really? I identify Unfortunately to my humiliation as one of those people I don't want to be a highly fucking sensitive person. You don't most of this audience is probably how this is That's my audience actually. It's like, no, I mean highly sensitive To environment noise, you know, oh, yeah, I am he sent Like all sorts of things like I really am that and it it doesn't I it's a little it'll come up and I'm like I'm gonna fucking kill this person. Yeah, but then I'm like, no no relax. How can you surrender?

How can you just allow this reality to be since you have no control of it anyways? Yeah, that's true. But sometimes you gotta fucking put the hammer down. It's impossible. No sometimes not to put the fucking hammer down Yeah, you know, um Yeah, it's hectic. It's an interesting. It's it's interesting these days. I feel like uh Serenity is definitely feels like more of a commodity, you know, we're so everything is so inundated and when you get like Especially you get on social media you get on your phone. I really feel like I fall into a War hypnotized. Yes. And because I will literally come out of it and I'll tell people I'll be like I'm back I'll say that I found myself saying that like I've just gone somewhere. I've

I do I started deleting it off my phone during the day. Oh, wow because I just think it's A nightmare. Well instagram's instagram's whatever tiktok's the fucking hard one. I don't have to sell I'm not pulling tiktok is good though, but that's the problem though. They fine-tuned it and made it honestly Well, no, they just made it pretty good like tiktok. I'm watching like a couple of you know, you can watch somebody do knitting You can watch like just quiet asians, dude It's like total you're just watching asian people be quiet like you can there's so many things That's just like you can watch somebody doing a cake. You can watch somebody Oh, just turn the pages of a book. Yeah, like it's definitely like they fucking

They went all out. I just want less All together like I Want to just become a movie star already so that I can move to fucking montana Hold and fly in for my role and then go the back out away from everyone. Yeah, okay. Yeah Yeah, I like that maybe I don't know. You think you would like it out there on like a ranch or something Yes, I fucking would you do. Yeah, I don't I just want to like I Maybe I'm getting old. I just like love the quiet like I need to keep up with all this shit

I don't care. I don't want to never need to see you cooking eggs But will you not have the ability then to draw from stuff? I mean, I know that's kind of like uh Will you not have the ability to draw from stuff? No, I have more because like I hike almost every day like no I'm trying to be in nature like a nature comic. Yeah No, I just get like when my mind is still like it was when I was a kid And I didn't have phones or anything and I would daydream or think up makeup worlds and all this Imagination and shit like that's when shit comes to me like jokes always come to me when I'm in the shower I'm getting a massage. I'm

Outside away from a screen is when there's space for things to come into my head Yeah, and I get I can be like think of silly things or think of like weird perspectives Do you um A lot of rich people are going out of space, you know it Yeah, I've heard and do you think that uh, Do you think that that's fair? Um, I try not to think about what's fair and not fair I feel like that. I mean, I do in some ways. Trust me. I want things to be like equitable for all people

I mean like, uh, I don't know why that whole things is happening. They could redirect that money to things that need it Yeah, but also, I mean, what do I I have no control over it. I don't fucking care But do you think because some people think there's like rich people are meeting up and spare like there's like another place That they're all That's fucking insane I mean, that's great. I have not heard that We're all at like walmart and they're at like a Chick-fil-A in the sky, you know, wow. Yeah. No, I have not considered a Chick-fil-A in the sky yet

Uh, because it seems like that a little you know, it seems like they're all going up there and yet. It's look, you know, like Are you a conspiracy theorist? Um, I'm not I mean, I probably am somewhat. I think I think certainly a lot more levels of like people wondering what's going on You know, I think as you start to see like a lot of like As we get further away from like any type of faith and religion or any like a lot of people do not have a real Strong sense of faith. I don't think these days So I think when you get like out there like that then you start to people look at conspiracies more They want they're looking for something people always looking for something. Yeah to believe in I feel like a reason a perk, you know, like, uh

They want, uh, an answer. Do you have faith? Yeah, like in a Judeo-Christian God or what? Yeah, I mean, I believe in God. I believe in a higher power and for me. I use God is that Is the sidewalk for that for me. Yeah, so I think different people use different things, you know, yeah I mean, I've tried on many different things. Yeah. Yeah Um, but now I just think of God as like Divine loving intelligence Like completely divorce of all religion though religion. I don't know at this point. It doesn't really seem

Like it for me like when I think of the Catholic shit, I'm just like that's fucking insane Like how are these flux not arrested ever? Yeah, like what do you mean like for what? Like the Catholic rape thing. I went to Catholic school. There was a priest at every school. I went to was Transferred. Oh, yeah, and then I saw like a I saw a headline the other day that France just France Has had like 350 000 abused kids. Well, imagine being romantically molested But I'm like that's fucking insane how that they're there. They're fully a religion is fully protected globally where Well, now it's basically legal sex abuse. Yeah, that's crazy. That's totally crazy. Well, it's also, I mean, it's like and then also that they don't pay taxes It's crazy that none of these things are like charged. There's like

It's unbelievable and especially when it's like people need they want some reason they want some You know, a lot of people want church. They are also brought up in churches. So it's like a comfortable place You know, one of the things I love about church is like you go and you see like the kids are playing together It's fun. It's like a fun place. Families get together. Yes. It's it's a family oriented thing. That's something I love about it That's one thing to me. That's really nice. There's a lot of really good things about church That's something I love about it. That's one thing to me. That's really nice. There's a lot of really good things like But it's crazy why they cover these guys up. Why they like why don't they send? If they would be has so much more integrity if they shipped all those fuckers to jail

Australia and they said we're They put them in jail. They said we are cleaning out our institution And then you would be like, oh bravo, you know, like good, but hollywood could do the same thing hollywood is just a fucking crit. It's a fucking crit. It's definitely a religion. Yeah, our co-workers are We're amongst them. It's great. I love saying hello to them all the time. Hello at my place of work It's really good Hi Blair, hello Do you think it brings but then I think that just goes back to this how much like there's just a damaged element to being human

100% is it is Humanity and look even the best person on earth has done horrible things. Yeah, john legend the best person on And like and that was a joke, but yeah, I mean everybody's a piece of shit. You can't not it's not a piece of shit It's just like but everybody has shit on them. It's come of course everybody has shit on their shoes and some people in their shoes Yeah, it's it's really confusing and like I try I one of the things I'm really working on is like not taking things personally. Yeah, just trying that on And uh, it's hard because you're but it's like when as I'm setting this intention I'm seeing it more clearly that like when someone one does something to piss me off

They're not even thinking about me. They're fully viewing it through their own fucked up lens or whatever pain they're going through You know what I mean, right? Yeah, right and we've also gotten so in our own world that that's the only lens We even have anymore. So you're not even looking at things as a two-way street I noticed a few years ago when the elevator would open people would get in it used to always be Yeah, it was always people got out first you wait It was just a natural thing and then now people get in. Yeah as it's like Yeah, it's all kind of I don't know. It's hard to know if it's

It's hard to know if how much of what we are like suffering from or will suffer from if If it's like side effects of like Society or if it's just like this This flaw inside of us. I don't know. It's all of it. It's not it's not a flaw I would encourage you to think of it differently What I like, you know the guy I learned a breath or crow

So he's divine healing as just when I love about it is because it takes all the pathology away And just a healing is just like giving love to the places that hurt You know instead of like broken illness like All these like things that we think are flaws or our brokenness or like make us unlovable And that is something I love about breathwork because it's so pure. It's just something Giving your god-given like natural structure putting it to use and

remembering the divinity of who you are Yeah, it's a lot. Do you think that like But if we didn't have like flaw if we didn't do you think we ever get to a place where it's all evened out or it's just always this constant No, because that would be The perfection and perfection doesn't exist and like trying for that is pain like You know when you get into a Like of course you want to be stable And you want to be feeling good a majority of the time, but

I think the definition of mental health Is being able to feel the full spectrum of emotions in a healthy way Yeah Yeah, I want to say that that's probably sounds pretty fair to me I would like that Yeah, but like when we like when I think then you get into spiritual bypassing which is like Toxic positivity, which isn't like actually addressing how you feel or whatever Um as some way of like enlightenment and the fact is we're just all human, you know

Yeah, I thought being human would be easier kind of no No, because everyone's dealt like whatever cards are dealt And I think it's just like our cosmic lessons on earth Yeah, I think for some reason I felt like it would be easier. Um, I feel like uh, It looks pretty good from from where I'm sitting Oh, thank you. I didn't wash my hair two days ago. I meant your life Oh Yeah, no, my life is uh, yeah, I think it doesn't matter. It's always like what you are

Yeah, I don't know. I felt like I I always felt like if I got to a certain level of like doing well in my job Or maybe then I would Then everything would be okay I think I had this preconceived notion in my head that like all these other things that I worry about or feel Or these discomforts will disappear So when I started to have some success and that didn't happen Uh, I think I was like kind of like there was a part of me. I didn't even know this motor was running that expected this

Yeah, you know, and it was like, oh, you're still just you know with with Your weights. I think that's completely natural thought like We're all looking for something to save us whether it's like success love Whatever it is. Yeah botox ortho orthotics. Um Yeah, but I think like wealth and money and success Really just brings out even more of what is already there. Yeah Um, I'm sure it makes a lot of other things easier

When park norman said it best about having a little bit of money Here's what it makes easier If you are cold or something and you're at like a gas station or something You don't have to like, you know, you don't have to look at the price of the suite You're like, okay. I just can get this sweatshirt, you know, like little things like that are kind of nicer Like do I need like what how much is this lunch? It's like it saves you a little bit of time and having to look at some price Like if it's something big like a car or something, you're gonna look but like for the right, you know

It's like that kind of stuff is a little bit nice. You don't have to think about the cost of like You know, really a meal maybe or something, you know, yeah, those things are kind of a little bit nice to have to have happened maybe So take me so I tried ketamine therapy was one thing that I tried like in the past Seven months, maybe how many times I did six times. So it was six six sessions You sit with a therapist in a room Yeah, and they fill you up and then you, you know, are talking with this therapist is Psychiatrist the whole time. Yeah, you're kind of going through things and like sharing and

I found that that was really interesting. I felt maybe for like trauma Like one specific trauma or something. Did you go deep in that? I sometimes I was off the wall. I mean, I was like in another echelon Did you find it helpful? I found it helpful something I got to have some moments like I got to Spend time with my dad for like about 45 seconds, which was pretty cool. Yeah, that's really cool Yeah, just to let him know that I loved him. I felt like he never knew maybe Wow, and it felt real like it felt as real as this sitting here talking to you

Yeah, that's really beautiful. So to have something like that happen where it's like, um I got to see my mom when she was a little kid. Wow, which was pretty powerful. I felt like, um Um, you know, uh So they do like inner child work I don't know the dude had a big beard. I know that was running it So I'm sure he's fucking definitely done some things man. This dude. He had one of those crazy fulkin, you know No, no in your child. Did you work with your inner child? No, no, no, we didn't see him We was more just doing like regular

I feel like that's like a big direction that people are going in with therapy and healing is just like going back To your inner child. Yeah, because they say like your entire subconscious Blueprint for the rest of the your life is developed from zero to seven years old. Wow. So whatever goes down then is really Like your whole framework, which is so crazy because it's completely out of our control. Yeah, so Yeah, yeah, I I went to this other place called pcs for a week and it's like, um Like this guy bobby lee this comedian recommended to me. Do you know that is so and he's I think vietnamese or something but he recommended it to me and he um

Uh, that place is all about your inner child like you got to go to build a bear and get like a little child Yeah, so you're in there with like a bunch. Yeah, it's really I've done shit like it's so dicey. We're in there There's like a bunch of like oh, yeah, there's like there's like a bunch of grown men in this build a bear And there's like a bunch of kids in there. There's like a kid's party and we're fucking putting dresses and like Oh, yeah, this one where it looked good in a baseball outfit. Like so then you're leaving the mall with your bears like, oh And you're like it's heartbreaking. Yeah, it is heartbreaking. Wait, and then somebody's like, dude, you're the only my favorite comedian buying a bear You're buying a bear dude and the lady putting the stuffing in there the one lady's her fucking gum

I remember fell in the stuffing thing and she's like The just a nightmare in there just a real but it was kind of like how god does it it was like, you know You got all this cotton and you're just fucking stuffing into these bears, dude And you're just sending them out the door, you know, and sometimes there's some bad knitting. Yeah, no shit. Yeah Did you did you get a lot out of it? I know it was pretty fast some of it. I did some emdr I noticed I would be real judgmental going into some of the sessions like just like um, you know judgment is like something that keeps me it's a like a Preventative thing to keep me from connections. So I won't have to have some feelings or something. So there was stuff like that

It was kind of exhausting some of the therapies. It was like some group stuff. I didn't like but there was some stuff I really did like Yeah, I find like that group stuff I mean now I've worked on it and stuff, but like at first I was like No fucking way. I was like, I'm not talking about anything like in a group or in front of people which is so weird because Like when I've been doing comedy like I speak publicly in front of crowds all the time But like when it was about serious shit like no

It took me a long time, but that I ended up being like the most healing thing for me Uh doing group therapy. It wasn't group therapy. It's 12 stuff. Uh, but I don't want to say that which one right? So like recovery. Yeah recovery. Um recovery I feel like is the best overall solution that I found honestly. Do you feel that way or no? totally and it ended up being because the Community because like, you know where I grew up Uh, it's just no one talks about mental health. No one talks about anything like

Never heard any no one talks about their problems. Like it's very buttoned up And that's the way my family was too and I'm just the total opposite. Like I'm very sensitive. I feel a lot of things I'm interested in a lot of things like I want to talk about things um And so when I got to recovery like and I I remember when I first saw people I knew because it's la and there's like a lot of people and entertainment in there, of course And I was like I was trying to hide from them. Like it didn't cross my mind that they're there too I was just like, oh no, they're seeing me here. Right, you know, um

Yeah, I even think that way on zoom meetings sometimes. Yeah, I was on one yesterday I didn't want to show my face because I'm like, I don't want to fuck you. You don't want to be you don't want to be like Known in this private way. So I didn't talk like the first couple years But then when I started talking is like when I experienced a lot of uh progression And how was the uh, ayahuasca tell me about that experience take me through that Uh, it was really cool. I uh, I'd wanted to do it forever. I'm just like curious and um Ron White did it too recently. Oh really? Yeah, and he did it at a damn best western in

Outside, I want to say in Houston near Houston. Yeah, nobody told my parents I did ayahuasca. They really wouldn't like that. Um, but uh, I After I got vaccinated I did it. I knew I was going to go back on the road and then I was like, what if I like fall in love and Like get married and I probably and have children I'm not going to be able to like be a mom that goes and does DMT, you know, you gotta do it now Yeah, I gotta do it now. So I just saw like a window and it was really the window came actually Uh, everyone had always said like don't do it in LA. It's like sketchy white people

Whatever, I'd always wanted to go to the amazon, but I was like, I don't see that Go to Memphis and do it dude. That's I'm sure a real dicey dose. Yeah. Um, okay. Go on So I found like uh, I had found like a tangible someone had had a great experience And so I just went I went by myself which the day of when I was like driving to this sketchy ass property I was like, this might be a bad idea. Was it off of Melrose? No, it was like An hour outside of LA in a tiny farming town and I was like driving up to this like desolate property And I was like, this is a bad idea, but I texted my friend. I was like three of my friends I was like, here's the address check in at this time and immediately like their guardians. Um

The men when they said hello, they hugged you and I was like, oh like this Yeah, that's I do not like the forced over familiarity. Like I don't want you to hug me Two arm hug or one arm hug? Oh, yeah Like hello from a man. Were they wearing jewelry? Um, there was some jewelry for sure, but it ended up I was like, I could somebody with two arms and jewelry hugs you dude I'm calling the cops. Yeah, but I was like, I guess I'm in like I did the whole

And it was just you by yourself? It was me by myself How and no, there was a huge group of people, but I didn't know anyone I'd never met because I would feel like if you'd gone through like sexual trauma And then you roll up to three dudes at a damn ranch. Oh, no I want to sprint. I'll sprint out of there. Um You just wrote that it's hitting a volleyball around you like this This is sorry. Yeah. Hey, what's up here for round two? Um, no, but I

I uh Sorry, I interrupted your story. No, it's okay, but it ended up being really really cool. Um, I had you have to Prepare so much like you can't Drink smoke like I don't smoke, but you can't like me caffeine all these things like Before so there's like a whole large preparation Um, and then uh I listened to podcasts and documentaries and basically they are all like like obvi marcus and stuff and they are all said like You're gonna go to the darkest fucking place. You're gonna experience terror

But then on the other side, you'll feel great. And so I went in there like I was just like It's just gonna take me and I'm gonna go and I'm just gonna hold on Eye black on yeah, yeah A sharp tampon And that was like the full opposite experience I got I was taken to like a pink marshmallow jungle And like my message because like, you know, my thing has been learning to feel safe in my body Was like that the universe is kind which sounds like a really

anti-climatic distillation but Intrigued but that's really like it went in me. Yeah, that's good. That's a cool. That's an amazing message to have in you in your fucking Yeah, marrow after that. That's huge. Yeah, but they also said they'd never heard someone cry like that really Yeah, and do you cry like on all fours you cry standing up or you're leaning against something like what is the vibe in there? um They're like you have sort of like the you're on the ground

With like these padded chairs and they're playing Um, you know the e-girls like they're playing music the whole time and there's all these rituals and it's very sacred Is the ac on or not? I don't I think so. I'm not sure. I don't remember But it was it was really crazy. I I've done much the drug. I like is mushrooms. That's really the only drug I do um and I'd never seen visuals before like this

I didn't know your brain could even see those things. Yeah. Yeah It sounds like DM like something like DMT or something like that. It is DMT. That's oh, it is okay but from the Amazon but You know for breath work, you can have a psychedelic experience because we have a certain amount of DMT in our spinal fluid Everyone does so you can through the alkalization of your butt sometimes Fuck. Like how I've had full visuals during breath work before. Wow. Really? Yeah I haven't had that. Or like weird memories pop in where you're like, I haven't thought about that in 20 years or

or just like a Solution just like pops into like something and you're like, why didn't I think about that before? You know? Yeah Yeah, it is such a relief when you can kind of do something different with your brain I feel like some of my brain gets tired of just being on the road, you know I feel like your brain is already on the road. The road is really exhausting and really hard on your body and Spirit. Yeah, especially if you're a really sensitive person to your environment Yeah, I would believe that You ain't ever done an ayahuasca. I met a guy at a smoothie shop

and uh Maui that gave me some uh, he was a shaman Or he had Sam, I mean he had sandals on and he was out, you know, he was out he was He definitely had a buddy with like he had a buddy who literally it was like standing with armfuls of vitamins and uh And they gave me a bunch of vitamins and then the guy Took me to like a They was doing like childcare like even at their house and I'm in there just like rely and they had me relaxed out in next thing

You know, I'm out on the DMT. Oh, you did DMT. Yeah, and it was really that really blew my mind I can't even believe that it that has ever even existed in the universe and then that can happen. Wow. I don't even know what Um taking DMT would probably be very similar to the ayahuasca experience. I bet it's really hardcore But what the purpose of it is is the tough thing. I don't really know exactly I would like that made me realize You know, I've done mushrooms and stuff, but I was like This was like a really sacred thing and I was like, I don't need to in my lifetime be fucking around with like Drugs outside of like this very controlled

Sacred environment for me. I don't have any judgment to other people, but how long were you at the ayahuasca place? I was there for a weekend and you take um three cups A night, but most people don't get to the third cup and each cup is a level one through 10 But it's completely arbitrary Like a one could hit someone at a 10 and a 10 could just be like not a big deal for someone Oh my god. So it's like Yeah, you really have to be open to whatever experience because you never you have no idea what's gonna happen And do you like defecate yourself or people wearing diapers and stuff?

I've always heard a lot about like you like purge your body are people vomiting and urinating and stuff Um, I didn't not shed my pants. Thank you Jesus. Um, but I did throw up both nights It wasn't a big deal like it was really fast and then they the guardians come clear the bucket really fast Um, I think some people do you go to the bathroom? I don't think people shit themselves this the second night I was Like out of my body. It was like it was so Intent and are you are there other people around? Is it all around you? You're in a Vietnam kind of yeah, they're like

Like people were on both sides and they like this and they have all the women on one side and all the men on One side like are people tickling each other and shit or having fun or not to touch anyone They like enforce everything so hard so that everyone's like safe. You know the referees. They're got like roller everyone I'm getting like this vibe of like a roller skating rink where the guy's like, you know, there's some guy like no It's not like that at all like they take it so seriously and there's people taking care of anyone that needs to be taken care of Um

But yeah, it's a whole experience. You have to prepare so much. It takes a lot out of you Like spiritually and physically and yeah, yeah Um, how's comedy going? Do you feel good about it? How long have you been doing it now? It's good. Um, I'm I just didn't know what else to ask. I've been doing it like a little over eight years. Oh, that's awesome Um, it's good. Like I'm you know booking stuff and uh starting to feel like I

am on my way to success Uh, I just did a movie. I'm on a new comedy central show. Um, things are going well Yeah, that's exciting. It is because I don't want to be fucking broke. I want to be rich. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I mean people want to be rich man. I mean, but what a better joy I mean because I've been so experienced being broke for so long and like what a joy to have found a way

to Make money doing what you love. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's such It's such a gift. Like I don't take it for granted at all. Like any paycheck. I got it's just like a miracle because I'm having so much fun and I could have just quit on myself so early on in some marketing job Not that there's anything wrong with the marketing job. It just wasn't right for my wild soul. Right. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I wouldn't mind doing a little bit of marketing. I got a degree in uh, urban planning Really? Yeah. Whoa. What's your fucking plan?

we do like neighborhoods and And like if say if like a mailman's coming like, you know, then we design like what route to take through the neighborhood We do a lot of like Yeah, kind of like sims actually. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's like sims. Yeah, theosims. Yeah Maybe that'll be maybe I'll start a theosims game um But yeah, I was doing we do urban planning where to put the power lines Where to put the bike path. We do all that. How's um comedy going for you? We do all that. It's going pretty good

I think you know, I'm doing a new tour right now. So I'm pretty excited about that with arie Um, yep arie manis is out there sometimes most of the time actually arie's a new friend of mine. Oh, he is Oh, yeah, he's good. He'll definitely be in He'll be in recovery at some point, but uh until then man, you know He just sometimes hears me on these zoom meetings. He's a wild dude. Oh, yeah, he's one of a kind I mean, he is definitely something else. I did his podcast. Oh, you did Mm-hmm. Oh, I hear now. I see Are you getting these guests first?

That's cool. No, he's a sweetheart Um, I'm lucky to have you know, I feel lucky when I'm around him. He makes things He's sober. I mean, there's just the guys there's so many things about him. Yeah, he's so wild dude. Yeah He's definitely a real snake owner You know, he's definitely and that's not a euphemism the guy who's snakes. Oh I didn't know that about him Yeah, awry if you see this that's fucking nasty. Yeah He knows it is. I think that's why he does it. All right. I'm praying for you awry. You need it. Yeah

He does need it. Um Blair sake, I appreciate thanks for coming and chatting with me and hanging out Yeah, for sure. It was really fun. Um to talk to you outside of breath work I know it's crazy because we only talked to each other on zoom. Yeah. Yeah Um, yeah, it's so crazy when she's like that's how you talk to someone on zoom And yeah, because I don't really know you but I know one like specific little like intimate park Right that I like to breathe deep Yeah

Here's what's here's what's a fast if you don't if you've never done this the The lesson you give I mean I have to inhale and exhale for about 25 minutes Like about 30 and it's really it's rigorous. It's really really hard I was telling Colin that I Experience more resistance to doing it than working out. Yeah, like I would rather work out than do it because it's so Hard to get to make yourself do that consistent rhythm for 30 minutes. Yeah, it's really hard Yeah, I'm trying to think so. This is how I was doing it just so you because I was like, uh Do I need to speed it up or doesn't matter

No, you're supposed to go at your own pace the way that I teach the class I've told you this but I started it starts out slow and gets faster Okay, yeah, and then you know, you do that here say five percent more. Let's get five percent more guys Then I'm like on a fucking peloton. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's going on? You know Um, that doesn't mean faster or harder, but it's more into your stomach um And then like you experience the shavasana portion portion where you just Just rest and like feel it all the work. You just did like coursing through your body. It's so cool

Oh, yeah, I feel it up in here. Yeah, I feel that shit ripping Yeah, or like if you have physical ailments, like it can be really cool for that Oh, it feels like fucking a bunch of heavy monkeys are pulling on my veins. Yeah, shit feels intense. Yeah, it's wild Um Awesome. Well, if you want to check it out with Blair, we'll put a link it Do do you do that for people or are you kind of just in a safe world doing it for comedians that you want? Um, well, I'll randomly do like a virtual class, which I am doing this coming Tuesday But I don't know if it'll be out by then but okay, cool

But if not, they can follow you and they can figure out where to take your classes sometimes Yeah, if I do do one I'll post about it. Okay. Good. Yeah Cool. Blair sake. Best of luck with comedy and stuff is so nice to meet you. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me This is really fun. Now. I'm just folding on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take

a little time For me to set that parking brake and let myself on my Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you