This Past Weekend - E403 Joe Rogan

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

Joe Rogan joins Theo on this episode to talk about their plans for the apocalypse, a genderless future, exploding bees, and Gary Busey. They also discuss who Mark Zuckerberg should fight, TikTok and China, Nate Diaz, and more. It’s a vape fueled conversation. It’s Joe Rogan.  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Express VPN: Go to https://www.expressvpn.com/theo today to get an extra 3 months free. ShipStation: Go to https://www.shipstation.com/ to get 60 days free with code THEO. RecoverHere: Go to https://www.RecoverHere.com to get addiction help for you or a loved one. Keeps: Go to https://www.Keeps.com/THEO to get your first month of treatment free. Babbel: Go to https://www.babbel.com/theo to save up to 60% off your subscription.  BetterHelp: Go to https://www.betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month.  ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------ Special thanks to Jamie Vernon for producing: https://www.instagram.com/jamievernon/ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reinerSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's never fun to do things the hard way. You want to do them the efficient way. And that's why I'm telling you about ShipStation. ShipStation gives e-commerce sellers an easier way to manage shipping, so you can take all the energy that goes into managing orders, choosing carriers, and printing labels and use it to grow your business. Sign up using promo code Theo for a free 60-day trial today at ShipStation.com and start breathing easier with every shipment.

That's two whole months of stress-free shipping. Go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in Theo, ShipStation. Did you know that Netflix hides thousands of shows and movies from you based on your location? That's right. Different countries get different shows and films. But if you use ExpressVPN, there are over 90 countries to choose from. So every time you run out of stuff to watch, you can switch to another country to unlock

new options. So get the full catalog from your streaming service. Get your money's worth at expressvpn.com slash Theo. Don't forget to use my links, you can get three extra months of ExpressVPN for free. That's ex-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash t-h-e-o expressvp-n dot com slash Theo. I want to announce some upcoming tour dates. I'll be coming to see you with the Return of the Rat Tour, October 12th in Wichita, Kansas at the Orpheum, October 13th, Omaha, Nebraska at the Holland Performing Arts Center

and October 14th, Denver, Colorado at the Paramount Theater. All tickets go on sale this Wednesday, August 10th at 10 a.m. local time with the pre-sale code Rat King. And then Friday, August 12th, they will be on sale generally with no pre-sale code. You can get all tickets through TheoVon.com slash tour, those are trusted links on there. If you go elsewhere, you may get an untrustworthy link and that could lead to upselling prices. So TheoVon.com slash tour. I also want to tell you we have some new be good to yourself teas in new summertime color

ways like banana, salmon and more. You can check those out and more at TheoVonStore.com. Thank you. Today's guest was grateful enough to let us tape out of his studio down in Austin, Texas. He's a linchpin in the mixed martial arts community and a prized UFC commentator. He's the host of the largest podcast on planet earth, the Joe Rogan experience. And his new hour of stand up comedy is the best comedy that I've seen him do. We're grateful to have him here today, Mr. Joe Rogan.

Okay, we're live and we're back. We're doing your podcast though. Yeah, thank you man. Thanks for, thank you for the hospitality and for jumping on and I appreciate it. My pleasure. For letting us do it here. For having some fun. Yeah, we had man.

Last night was really cool. It's a good time, right? Yeah, the new place looks great. Doesn't it? Yeah. When you go in there, do you feel like, was it scary to start to think, okay, I'm going to build like an actual building for comedy? I mean, it's like a whole new business kind of, isn't it?

Yeah, it's kind of overwhelming. It's a little overwhelming. It's kind of crazy. Yeah. Did, all right. It's exciting, but it's part of me is like, what the fuck? Yeah, because I was listening to you show it to me and I was like, damn Joe, it felt like you were like a contractor, like a landlord kind of it was like, oh, it feels like a whole

different uniform kind of. It's a totally different thing, but luckily I got people running it. So my participation in that aspect of it will hopefully be minimal. But it's definitely, but I felt like, I felt compelled to do it, because I always felt like if you, I never wanted to own a comedy club and I always felt like you just have to be nice to comedy club owners because you never want to be one of those fucking people. But then when I knew I was moving here and Cap City was already closed, I was like, maybe I should buy a fucking club and start a club.

And so that became my focus, it became this thing where I was thinking, I really should do that. I really should like set it up so that I'm setting up the right way. So I'm not setting up to try to make money. I'm just setting up to make an amazing environment for comedy and have a home for comedians where they just feel good. Yeah. They can go there and that's a great spot to hang out and you just feel good about the

atmosphere. You'll be able to perform well, you'll be treated well, like everyone will be treated with respect and with fun and just a good attitude. Has the city been receptive to it? Has there been like any like kickback like that? No. Has there been any like barriers to creating a comedy club that you didn't expect just because you'd never done it before?

It's a process. I mean, it took a long time to get the permits and all that stuff, but it wasn't, you know, it's just normal. It's normal for any business and especially if you're going to get a liquor license and all that jazz and you're going to have live performance. Yeah. Dude, I heard you and that guy, they were talking about, y'all were talking about horse sex and the, when I pulled up in the lobby, I was like, oh, okay, this is my kind of place

today. Dude, I saw in New Orleans one time they had a lot of the cops in the French Quarter on horseback. Yeah. And two of the horses started fucking with the, with the cops on them, bro. The cops getting mad. One of them was. Was the other one excited?

The one in the back, I think was kind of vibing with it a little because at least he was in the winning position. You know, right? You don't want to be the guy where the horse gets done fucking that horse and he starts fucking you. Yeah. Yeah. Or the horse collapses and you get trapped under it.

I saw a horrible video the other day of these dudes were racing horses, they're running and a dog, a yappy dog runs out onto the track and the horse trips over the dog and the guy dies. What was the dog running out there to tell him something or something? Uh, yeah. No. Or like to greet him? To bark.

Oh, just. Just some shitty dog that thought it'd be a good idea to bark at a fucking horse and the horse trips and the horse is in full throttle and the horse trips over this dog and the, you know, lands on this guy. The guy goes, you know, the horse goes head first and the guy goes with him. So the guy goes down, the horse comes on top of him and crushes him. And the guy died? You want to see it?

Yeah. Okay. I'll find it. I'll see it, man. I didn't want to at first. But now you're thinking about it. But now I'm in. Dude, they had a fundraiser one time when I was going to LSU.

They had a fundraiser there for a guy who had gotten hurt playing football, right? Yeah. So they raised all this money. They wanted to get him a nice, fancy wheelchair, one that has like, you know, like everything on it, like the centrifuge or whatever you can have on a wheelchair, speakers. And also get him a golden retriever, like an animal because he had gotten a paraplegia from playing football. They get him those things, right?

There's fundraisers at a couple of different LSU games. People are walking around the parking lot with buckets and stuff, raising funds. They get him that and they give it to him, and then a few months later, the dog had the wheelchair or whatever, it had like life support on it for the guy as well. He had to have some kind of like oxygen system. The dog pulled the plug out from the thing and the guy died. Oh, no. Yeah.

Oh, no. So. But yeah, seeing those horses, fuck, made me want to be a cop, dude, for a little while. I should look like a party, especially in New Orleans, you know, where people are kind of dancing anyway in the street. I can't find the video, but I can find you a video of a Komodo dragon swallowing with a deer hole. All right, that'll do.

If that's what I got to take, dude. That's your second option, bro. Did you see that? We made the Fox News last night, I get home, right? I'm looking at some different news sites. That front page of Fox News was Joe Rogan reading the Tik Tok. Oh, when we're reading the terms of service, yeah, fucking crazy, right? But it was the front.

It was the main thing. Yeah, it was it was like, and it almost was like, I was like, watch this. Watch this video. This is bananas. Here to swallow it, he'll do it again. Here goes. Watch this. Wow.

I'll quickly eat that whole deer, a swallot of goat, sorry. I've never, look at that. It seems like it's sped up a little. I've never had goat. It's good. It's an unusual tasting meat. I had aardvark at a wedding one time. Aardvark?

Yeah. What kind of wedding was that? It was, I think it was just like a white wedding or something. Like they said it was aardvark. It could have been something else though. Or they could have misspelled it. Like a billiardal type white wedding? No, it was just like a regular, like two whites getting married, you know.

They ate aardvark? They said they did. What state was this? This was in Louisiana when I was growing up. It was at a fancy French place and they said that they had aardvark over there. So we believed them. But yeah, I just thought it was crazy that, so the night after we did the interview, same day, right?

So the head article is Joe Rogan reads the TikTok agreement, right? Terms of service. It's almost like, is Joe the only person who's reading the terms of service of things in America and the rest of the service using shit like right out of the box, like not even paying attention to what's going on? That's what I felt like a little bit. I think a lot of people are now with things like TikTok because there's been a lot of articles written about it and a lot of people calling for it to be banned because it's basically

Chinese spyware. But if they get us, then what would they, like, so say we talked about it a little bit the other day, but say they, like, they infiltrate all the electronics, they get all the data and everything, but then how do they get us as people, like, how do they get us into the cages? Well, I don't think it's as simple as get people in the cages. I think what they want is intellectual property. They want to steal data and they want it, like, if they have access to your computer

and say, what if you're working on some fucking weapon system? Or what if you're working on something, some communication system and they have access to your computer, they can steal that data from your computer because they have access to it because you're using TikTok. So it's just about information. Yeah. One of the more disturbing things is saying that they have access to computers that aren't even being used for TikTok.

Right. Like, other computers that you're using. Yeah, I remember you saying that. Which is just... That's crazy. It's so insane that that would actually be something that someone would allow. They had a software engineer back-engineered TikTok and said it was the most, in terms of, like, invasion of privacy, the most egregious example that they'd ever found.

So wouldn't there be some structure or template in American society or government or hierarchy that would protect us from that sort of thing? That's what I want to understand sometimes. Why isn't there, like, something that protects us from that sort of thing or is it just our own responsibilities? I don't know what they can do now other than ban it. But I know they were talking about banning it for a while, but then there was some sort of a deal that was made where the data was going to go from the American version of

TikTok was going to go to America. But it turns out that it's not. It's going straight to China and then they get the version to America. See if that's correct. See, that's... Sounds right like what I read. That's pretty good. Yeah, let's think.

And we're going to keep using it. It's almost like... Because what if they told women there's a makeup that would steal your face, right? Like you put it on and it's going to put your face in China and then we still use it. I mean, that just shows me the level of addiction that we have to... Social media. Yeah. I mean, it's an addiction.

They have an office here. TikTok has an office in Austin. For people that need help? Yeah. You know how I found about that? Some lady was heckling the creek in the cave. She said, like, what do you do? She's like, I work for TikTok.

Damn. How old was she? She's in her 20s. Oh, that's all right. Dude, Tony ripped into that lady the other night. Oh, that lady was nuts. All over the table. Very sad.

There was some fucking drunks last night and some rowdy ass people for a Tuesday. Yeah, you crushed, man. It was fun. It was cool. I hadn't seen you performing along. I mean, I hadn't seen a lot of people performing along time. Yeah. It's...

Here it goes. So many internal TikTok meetings show that US user data has been repeatedly accessed from China. I feel like with these tools, there's some backdoor to access user data in almost all of them, set an internal auditor hired to help TikTok close off Chinese access to sensitive information like Americans' birthdays and phone numbers. Damn. And if you look at the terms of service, it's a lot more than that.

What they have, the ability to access is a lot more than that. The terms of service is nuts, just reading that any company that would try to sell you on social media. I mean, it's one thing to say, oh, we're going to target ads in your direction. We're kind of used to that. Right. Whatever. Like with Google and Shelly, I don't mind if they send ads my way.

But what they're doing is nuts. They have access to your audio. That means they have access to your fucking microphone. They're listening to you talk. That's scary. Yeah. If you're having a conversation, we're going to do this deal with China and what we're going to sell them is this.

How much bullshit do they have to listen of just people fucking listening, like talking to an animal or recording a recipe for a buddy or something? How much bullshit are they having to fucking say? It's almost sad if there's just a football field of Chinese people just listening to Americans fucking clear their throat and shit. I think most of that stuff, they're not interested in. They're interested in targeting specific individuals. Let's say you're an executive at a big software company.

They know that your kids are using TikTok and your kids, you're also using your computer. They get access to your computer now. This is what it seemed to me. I mean, obviously I'm a Luddite, Luddite, Luddite, when it comes to this shit. I'm just explaining from what I'm reading in terms of what this could be interpreted as. They have access to your keystrokes, meaning whatever you're typing, you're typing to your wife.

I'm tired of your bullshit. Whatever you're typing, they have access to that. It's just crazy that all of them are going to be in their sleep. Those people that work there in the middle of the night, they just have some love letter to some fucking, a couple gay dudes or some fucking kid sending dirty pictures to his buddy or something. They're going to be fucking losing their minds if they're processing all that. I know what you're saying, but I don't think they would access that.

I think what they would do is use it specifically to target individuals that they think are working on valuable information, sensitive stuff, or if someone was doing something that was the Chinese party deemed bad for China, maybe some Chinese person over here was selling Chinese information, they could find out all kinds of stuff. Say this, something like this happens, right? You're leaving work. Things got compromised out in the world, you were at work, you were doing a podcast episode or something, and things just hit that level where it's like maybe a couple police precincts

have been taken over just by vandals and crazies. The pendulum's starting to, things are getting like AWOL, right? And then everything, the purge, right? So you're driving home, you're getting fucking, Cam Haines is sending you fucking a thousand hammers, you know what I'm saying? You're getting all of you, everybody's just texting you, you know? Jago's like, I'm not even waking up tomorrow for work, I'll be up all, you know? I'm just gonna be up at 4.30, right?

Everything's all, what do you do? How do you, this is the end, this is when it's like, all right, Joe Rogan, you know what I'm saying? You hear it just comes from God or from something like a strong wind with a fucking, with a voice box in it, you're just like, this is it. This is the apocalypse. You're leaving work, this is it. I guess you have to respond to each individual situation on, it's like each thing will be

unique. Like is someone trying to break in your house? Is someone trying to rob your, you know, someone trying to break in your car while you're driving? Okay, so you have an hour, you have kind of an hour, we'll give you 90 minutes. You have 90 minutes to kind of get before that you're gonna start to feel some pressure. What do you do? I don't know.

I guess load up some magazines. Oh, I'm fucked, but I'm wondering what do you do, you know? That's what I would do, I'd probably load up some magazines. Okay. What? Into guns. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. I see how to know if I can. No. At the periodical section. I don't mean magazines like Sports Illustrated. What are you saying? This guy's crazy.

I mean like an AR. This guy's taking information with him into a bunker. I'm reading Time Magazine. Yeah, dude. I'm like, I just see Joe with his mini copies of Field and Stream as you go fucking live. Well, you could use those magazines as like protection. You stack enough of them. Okay.

So not with each other. Okay. Now you're thinking. They'll slow bullets down. Okay. But say like you pick up your family or something. Do you guys stay? Do you have a bunker?

I don't currently, but this conversation is making me want a bunker. I've wanted a ranch for that very reason. Like if shit goes completely sideways, it'll be great if there's a place with water and food. You got your water, you got your food like on the property. Okay. But if you're kind of in a city or you're in like a, like what's maybe a business or something you'd hold up in, you think is viable.

A business that I'd hold up in, it would have to be some sort of fortified establishment. Like the mall? No. No. You'd have to get something that you could defend. Dude, the mall? Yeah. The mall.

I think you'd have probably like, think of all you could hide in the fucking Macy's behind all the. Hide and send a bond behind the counter. Just squeeze a frost in your mouth. Pumping shells. It would be a good excuse to eat that food because like, we're going to eat something. And that stuff will keep because a lot of that stuff has like all the preservatives. Preservatives in it.

So you'd have that, you'd have mannequins in there. Think about that. You could set up like a, like a mirage. Right. Right. Right. Like a fake sort of situation. Yeah.

Where people would think that, but you're behind that. Yeah. Yeah. The mall, I think could be good. Hmm. Yeah. I've been thinking about that. Hmm.

I would go to the mall. Really? Yeah. The mall. Yeah. Because nobody's at the mall anymore. But the dumbest people are at the mall. They're going to fuck it up for you.

They got to go. They got to go. The Russians are here, guys. They can't shut the fuck up. I'm pretending to be American. I'm like, hey, give me a medium. Okay. That's going to mean the problem is dumb people.

When shit goes south, there's some people that just like, they're fucking, they're ditch diggers. They're dumb people. They're, they're fucking, they're minimum wage thinkers. But they're going to have a lot of weapons though, probably. Maybe. I don't know. I think a lot of people have weapons now.

But I think if things go sideways, a lot of people are going to panic in the chaos. Right. Oh, immediately. People will be panicking. People will be trying to group up. Yeah. Some people will be trying to salvage shit. That person's going to go.

Right. That person's going to go. Yeah. There's going to be a lot of people that are going to fall apart. But that's always like, whenever things go weird, people fall apart. You know? A lot of people don't respond to pressure very well. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. I got stuck in an elevator one time. I was at Mardi Gras. We were in there for like 17 minutes. And some dude, there's two girls, and there was like nine people. It was like a busy day at Mardi Gras. I'm there with my buddy Josh Kelly, his musician.

He's playing. We take this elevator and like nine of us get stuck in this elevator for like maybe an hour. But you can hear Mardi Gras going, I went like, how long are we going to be in here? And we're in there in a little while. And some guy goes to two girls and there he goes, don't worry, nobody in here is going to rape y'all. That's what he said.

And then suddenly like everything in there just changed. We're like, nobody's even thinking about that shit. You know, how big is this elevator? It was probably, honestly, I bet it was almost as big as this table. Big elevator. Yeah. Maybe two feet smaller on that end, maybe one foot. So not so big elevator.

Yeah. And so I kept trying to just pull the doors open as hard as he could. And how many people are in there with you? I would say seven people. Seven people and two of them are girls. Yeah. Boy. Sucked to be them.

He has to say that. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to think about that. Yeah. No one's going to rape you. Like, what the fuck, man? Imagine.

And if he's not thinking about raping them, then you think he's going to be thinking about, you know. Did anybody tell him to shut the fuck up? People just said, calm down, calm down. You know, it was, but it was just interesting how it escalated. Like, you know, things started to escalate. If you are struggling with addiction and you don't know how much help you need or where you should go for help or if you need to go to treatment or, or, or anything.

If you don't know what to do, I want to recommend recover here. Recover here is a trusted resource that assists motivated individuals searching for addiction treatment to find the best options available. Recover here provides a professional evaluation at no cost and helps you find the best treatment option with respect to your individual circumstances. Recover here can save you time, money, and most importantly, your life by helping you navigate comfortably through your recovery journey. If you're struggling with addiction, I've been there and it can get better.

Recover here.com, that's R-E-C-O-V-E-R-H-E-R-E.com to get started on your recovery journey today. Well, boys and girls, it's August and that means it's National Hair Loss Awareness Month. Did you know that two out of three guys may experience some form of hair loss? By the time they are 35, kind of a lot, isn't it? Luckily, in most cases, hair loss can be prevented and treated and keeps is here to help. Once hair loss starts, it usually doesn't stop or reverse on its own. The earlier you take action, the more hair you're likely to keep.

Keeps, clinically proven treatments are 90% effective at stopping hair loss and 66% of men even experience regrowth. Yum. This offers a simple, affordable, and stress-free way to keep your hair via convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months. You don't have to leave your home. If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com slash Theo to receive your first month of treatment for free and you'll be supporting the show.

It's keeps.com slash t-h-e-o to get your first month free, keeps.com slash Theo. Have you ever been in a riot, like a riot type situation? No, I was at Beta Breakers one time on Mushrooms in San Francisco, though, dude. What's Beta Breakers? What is Beta Breakers? What is that? It's like a bunch of people, they're like racers, they're like, they race in the street, you know?

What kind of racing? Just for long distance, the Kenyans always win it, yeah. Oh, running, okay. Yeah, running, racing. So it's a bunch of those folks. Beta Breakers, I thought you were saying Beta Breakers. Yeah, Beta Breakers. I thought he was saying that, too.

That's what I typed in. Oh, no, Beta Breakers, I think, is a little different. Beta Breakers. Yeah, so that's the run. Yeah, so that's the run. And you can just get in costumes and just be in it. It's like... Oh, like the dude is dressed up like a pink monkey.

Yeah. And where is that? And he's at the front. Oh, McDonald's. They're dressed up like Ronald McDonald's. Yeah, so people just do all kind of costumes. Oh, man. Oh, interesting.

And we ate a bunch of shrooms out there and kind of commandeered this water table. There was a water table that had kind of been left unattended. What is a water table? Just a table with a bunch of cups of water. Oh, a table of waters on it. Okay. So we got over there and people were running, you know, they're going and we started telling people that the water was for Asian people only, right?

Bro, we are crying laughing because people are running, they can't stop, they're trying to make a time. So for some people, we were like, bro, it's Asians only, and it was like, why are you doing this? And then Asian people were all excited, you know, and we kept bouncing them up. Dude, we were fucking... I would take pictures with people and I'd have my fucking nuts hanging out the whole time.

What? Bro, we were out of pictures. These are pictures of people with your nuts hanging out. How old are you at the time? I don't know, man. Probably 28. And people were like, hey, let's get a picture together so we get it and I just slipped that bag out there, baby, that fucking gum holster.

You know what I'm saying? I had a friend of mine, he used to do that all the time, he used to pull his nuts out. Tom Cotter, he was on Dancing with... No, Americans Got Talent. Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah, he's a funny dude. I knew Tom way back in the day and he used to do what he'd call the sack walk or he would

pull the sack out, out of the zipper and just walk around in parties and he would just like, you know, like, Tom, what the fuck are you doing, man? His nuts would be hanging out of his pants. Yeah, he used to be able to party like that. Ari still does. Who does? Ari. He'll still party like that.

Yeah, it's interesting, man. He's... Ari's such an interesting dude, isn't he? He's a very interesting dude. He's a... He has like... He's very much his own person. Yes.

And that... Yeah, there's not a lot of people like that, dude. Yeah. I really admire that about him. So okay, so the end of the world's happening and then I would be at the mall or maybe, you know what? What? What if you went offshore in like a boat and let the shit fucking...

Let it happen. Watch it from a distance. Let it melt. That'd be a good move if you had a big boat, if you had a boat with food on it, but boats take diesel engine fuel and that's like, where are you getting your diesel from? Like, how are you going to get that boat back to shore? Like what do you... You know?

Okay, so you've got to prep, so you've got to have some diesel on you. You've got to have another boat with diesel. You've got to have a second boat, a feeder boat, or a tanker. And I'll work on that. So you get a tanker, a tanker like 15 years worth of diesel. Yeah. You're boat's going to be this big, you're going to have all this fucking diesel. Your houseboat that you're sleeping on, you just smell like diesel all the time.

Diesel's a terrible smell. I really like it a little. I really like the smell of gasoline. I like the smell of... You know what I like the smell of? Magic markers. Sharpies. Pop the top.

Yeah. Oh. Get in there, dude. The black ones, I'll fucking BLM and eat snout hole, baby. I can ride with these sails, that Jeff Bezos' boat has. Oh, wow. Oh, he's got a boat with sails? Yeah, that's his boat, that giant yacht he has.

What? That's it? Yeah. When I was looking at pictures... Oh, so it's going to have sails? Uh-huh. A lot of the big ones do. They do?

Yeah, when I was looking them up earlier, yeah, there's giant boats with giant sails on them. Why is that? So they don't have to... So they can still work, I think, if they get stuck somewhere. Oh. That's how they used to travel. Wow.

See, that's key, too. You're going to have to have that, because what if you're... That's a backup. Yeah, what if your stuff goes out? Maybe Jeff Bezos knows some shit we don't know. I'm sure he probably does. Has he come in here? He hasn't, but I would have him in.

You would? Yeah, fuck yeah. I think that would be interesting. I talked to that dude. My mom works for him. She knows some shit that we don't know in terms of like shit going down. How addictive are those things? Very addictive.

Yeah, you were hitting that last night hard. Did you notice that? You wouldn't stop. You wouldn't stop. That's how I am, man. If I get something, I get it. You know what I'm saying, boy? Gasoline, magic, mafia, Esco bars, whatever.

I'm going to hit it one more time, dude, just to fucking... To feel it. You got a crazy head rush from those, don't you? Yeah. Those nicotine vapents, they're good for thinking, though, for whatever reason. Nicotine is a cognitive enhancer. It's like a new tropic. Oh, I don't know if I believe that, but to me, it makes me just not be able to sleep

that good. It makes me like wake up being scared. Yeah. No, but it is. It is like... That's one of the things that Stephen King said really affected him in his writing when he quit smoking. So I got a question for you.

So a couple, whenever your... Comics always knew that you were doing well, right? But whenever you got your Spotify deal, was it scary that people... Because they attached such big figures to it in the press, right? Was that scary that people knew that you were wealthy? Was that scary at all? I wouldn't say it's scary, but it's just one of those things where people start debating whether or not you should have that money.

Why don't they give that money to other people? Why don't you fix the streets and the schools and why is he going... And then there's some people that just get jealous so they get angry. There's a lot of angry, jealous comedians, unfortunately, and there's a lot of comedians that look at other people's success and they feel bad. So they think that you're doing something bad because they feel bad because they don't like the way it makes them feel when someone's killing it. Like a lot of comedians are narcissists and a lot of them are very self-centered and egomaniac.

And so they think that when you're doing something well or something's going well for you, that somehow or another it takes something away from them. Why does that happen, do you think? Famine thinking. People think like there's not enough for everybody. With comedy, there clearly is enough for everybody. With podcasts, there's clearly enough for everybody. And when other people are doing well, it's actually better for everybody because it gets

more people interested in podcasts, more people getting interested in comedy. That's my take on it. But I've always had that take. I've always tried to help other comedians. Oh yeah. I think I try and remember. You I think inspire a lot of people to try and think that way more. I heard you talking about that on Andrew Schultz's show.

I think you inspire a lot of people to try and think like, yeah, just yeah, you know. Help everybody. Rising tide lifts all boats. Yeah. It's good for everybody. Yeah. And it's good also for the art form, which is good for you. It's good for your act.

Like when other people are killing it, it's good for you. You just can't, you can't have that miserly way of thinking that some people have or they want it all for themselves. You can't. That's not good. Well, some of it's a, I think especially for some people if they never came from anything, it's a very, it can be scary. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. It can be scary. It can be scary because they've never had anything. So it's such like this is going to go away. You know, it's like, I've probably had moments like that in my life for sure. Yeah. Where I just was like, oh, this.

Yeah. You think it's going to go away? Yeah. Especially well, when you're not really totally established yet, you just start getting a little bit of success. Yeah. Yeah. So is it, do you feel like since you become more of a celebrity, has it made podcasting

any different? Because like you started to get picked up by all the tabloids and we got picked up for you reading the damn user agreement. Yeah. You know? It's like, what is that kind of pressure? Like, is it like you wake up in the morning and you're like, what is, is it like a, what's going to be in this box today of.

I don't read it. Right. No. I just keep going. I just keep doing it the same way I've always done it. Like this. Yeah. Sit down.

Have a good time. Talk. Talk some shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's as long as you just keep doing it the same way. I mean, that's why it's still successful because I do it the same way. Yeah.

I don't, I don't change anything. I get better guests. I get more, you know, people that maybe weren't interested in doing it before because it's so popular. They'll do it now. Yeah. Which is great. You know?

And then maybe some people are scared to do it now because they're scared of criticism. They're scared of being exposed. They're scared of the heat that comes from all that millions of eyes on you. Do you think that, yeah, there's some people who would, have you had people like that? You've reached out to them like they, you just think they're too scared? There's certain people that don't feel comfortable with being in front of such a large audience. Yeah. For sure.

There's a few people that I wanted to get on. They're like, man, I don't know if I can like deal with that. I'll get nervous. I've had people that wanted to do it in a more comfortable setting too, like to feel like the studio audience, the studio atmosphere or other is daunting while the camera is like, couldn't we just like set it up at your house or something like that? Like, they just start trying to mitigate whatever the pressure would be from doing something that millions of people are going to see.

I can understand that. I mean, this is, I've been, I've never talked to my father this much and as a, you could add it all of our time together. I know. I haven't, I never spent that much time alone, dad. But think about how many laughs we've had. Yeah, that's true. We were going to put our ass off just the other day and then last night, laugh our

ass off last night. Yeah. Yeah. Last night. Fucking fun, man. Fucking fun. It's the greatest. And Kill Tony was so good.

That show is. The best. It's the best show. Kill Tony is the best show for comedy, for stand-ups, like up and coming stand-ups. There's no better atmosphere, no better, and it's the cornerstone of stand-up in Austin because it's such a good show and you, for one minute, all you have to do is just be funny. All that woke bullshit, all that virtue signaling, all that's out the window, all that like posing.

You got one minute. You better come with some jokes. Come with some jokes. Yeah. Or just come. I think people would laugh at that, dude. If somebody got up there and bats down for a second. It's where it lands.

I don't know, dude. I pantsed Burt Kreischer during one. I pulled his fucking pants down. He had no underwear on, his ass was half hanging out and he stood up and he raised his arms up in the air and he took his shirt off and I fucking pulled his pants right down. Show him that cock. Yeah, yeah. He should just go full nudist.

How long till Burt Kreischer goes fully nude? Well, he did something the other day with a sock over his cock. He was doing something. And at that point, you're just a damn nine iron, dude. You know what I'm saying? He's halfway to fucking nudity. He's close. All he has on his pants is pants are sagging.

Dude, my sister, one time I was using drugs. Sorry. I love you, babe. But she, and she's awesome. She's like, I love her so much. But she did some, she got high with some guy on a date, right? And they did, they went rock climbing, which seems insane to do when you're high and ended up at a nudist colony.

On top? Yeah. Or like at some small plateau. Wow. Geez. Pretty cool. You're just falling naked. I mean, it's not like clothes are going to protect you.

But you'd feel like they would. But there's something about falling from the, it would be extra scary to fall naked. Dude, say you're falling, right? All right. You have a turtleneck on. Do you put your head? Do you put your head inside or not? I don't think you even think about it.

Yeah, you do. You probably have a heart attack. You don't think about it. You think about it. That's what you do. You're the best thinker. I don't think you would. I don't think I would.

No, I'd be thinking of how to cushion the floor, the fall somehow. So what would you land on? You think chest first? Probably you have a strong chest. No. No, I think you'd want to like land on your feet and try to collapse your whole body and roll. But you're dead.

You know, there's a certain height that you're just dead. My buddy made love to a plane survivor one time and then she ended up becoming a lesbian after that, which is kind of crazy. He turned her? I think she, he never, she never, she just, I think she's just trying to help him out. She wasn't straight to begin with? Yeah, right. And I think they both had a kind of a buzz cut and they just fucked.

But what about like, so has your life, just because your life's so interesting, man. It's like so many people try to like, I think emulate Joe Rogan, you know, and I think they emulate, well, I think they try to emulate, you know, they hear so many guests on here and people that are doing positive stuff. Right. And so they try to emulate that universe, you know, that's good. Yeah. No, it's awesome.

Do you feel like it's ever tough for you, like for you to keep up with being Joe Rogan? Does that ever start to get to like a thing in your head? Is that a crazy question? No, it's not a crazy question, but I don't think like that. Right. I just, just keep doing what I'm doing. Like, if I stopped tomorrow, I'd be cool. I enjoy doing everything.

I enjoy doing comedy, I enjoy doing podcasts, I enjoy doing the UFC, but if I stopped doing all of it tomorrow, I'd find other shit to do. Yeah. I like doing things. I like doing stuff. Yeah. I like doing things. I would probably just get really more into archery and playing pool and maybe I'd start

drawing again or something. I mean, I don't need to do what I'm doing. I need to do things, right? You know, I'd probably just like invest more time in jiu-jitsu. Really? Yeah. I'd do just different stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. That's interesting. I think I see that with you because you mentioned archery. Sorry. Where's that button at? Yeah. There you go, buddy. Oh, no, the button.

If I have to clear my throat. Oh, there's a cough button. It's a red button right there. Yeah. Go like that. Yeah. Nice, right? Cool, man.

Isn't that? We're like professional with that thing. Yeah. Sometimes I drink these killcliffs. I get a little flimmy. I talk to the man that runs that company. Really cool guy. Oh, yeah.

He's the best. John. Shout out to John. Yeah. That's my favorite flavor. This Ignite is, well, the Ignite is the same flavor as the CBD one, but this pineapple jalapeno was my idea. This is all my drink.

That's why it's my face all over it. Let me get in there. The flaming Joe. Let me get in this bastard. Get in there, son. That's what that is. This is... All right.

We came up with this idea. We were talking and we were talking about coming up with a specific flavor and I said, you know what would be dope, pineapple jalapeno and he was like, ooh, I like it. And so we went through like, I think like seven or eight different versions of it until we came to this one, but this one just nails it. Does it have honey in it, you think? I don't believe so. I love honey, dude.

I love honey, too. Dude, we used to go by the bus stop and we'd sneak off in the woods and get those honey suckles. Remember those? Oh, yeah. Them bitches were good, dude. I like honeycomb. You just scoop it out with the wax and you chew on the wax and you're not even sure whether

you should swallow it or spit it out. Ooh, that shit sounds more for something you give a young lady just getting in high school. But if you like honeycomb, like you eat honeycomb, the honey's in there and tastes delicious, but then you're chewing on that wax and you're like, what am I supposed to do with this wax? What is that wax made out of, by the way, because it's not wax, like what is the wax made out of when a bee makes wax? Is that really wax? Beeswax?

What is that? Well, yeah, they say beeswax. Jamie, can you bring that up to your mind? What is wax? Sorry, I could ask you. What is wax? I'll tell you what it is. This is a thing that I've never thought of, candle wax.

What is that? It's made out of oils and stuff, right? Well, it's almost like a, it's like a, because it disappears and then it can go back to being solid. It's a pretty powerful substance when you think about it. But beeswax is not the same as candle wax, right? I mean, I'm sure that they have a lot of similarities. I mean, people use wax on their cars too, think about that.

Furniture, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, those are like synthetics for most parts. Most waxes. Waxes are a diverse class of organic compounds that are lipophilic malleable solids near ambient temperatures. Just lost the O.

Yeah. They include higher... Dude, you're always paying attention to this. That's the crazy part. They include higher alkanes and lipids, typically with melting points above 40 Celsius, melting to give low viscosity fluids. Waxes are insoluble in water, but soluble in organic nonpolar solvents. Oh wow.

Yeah. Because it is interesting, if you'll take a thing of wax out, or just melt it and pour it in a thing of water, it just turns right back into wax. Or you got ass wax, we're pulling that hair off. Oh yeah. I've gotten in there, baby. Bees wax is a natural wax produced by the honey bees of the genus apis. The wax is formed into scales by eight wax producing glands in the abdominal segments

of worker bees, which discard it in or at the hive. Wow. I'm not shocked, dude. Bees are... Amazing. Well, you know bees are dying too. Yeah. Bees are dying from the heat.

Is it the heat? Yep, they're evaporating, they ejaculate, and their whole body blows up. Is that real? Bring it up, Jamie. I'm going to fucking do something in here today. I watched a thing today on murder hornets, they're trying to rename murder hornets. To what? Okay, they're probably dying here.

Look at this. The nature's over 170 degrees Fahrenheit is estimated that half of male honey bees will die in this manner within six hours, with more sensitive individuals dying after only two or three hours. The headline is the manner there. Oh, bees ejaculating themselves to death in heat waves. Oh my god, you're telling the truth, baby. Spring break.

Spring break. I thought you were just making shit up. Click on that. Hell no, dude. This isn't... I'm sorry. This isn't Panama City Beach, Florida. Bees, click on that link.

What happened? This is Kid Rocks, honey. That's who's making this shit. That is for sure if it's got semen in it. Bees ejaculating themselves to death in heat waves, viral story explained. There we go. All right, hit that so we can hear it play. Yeah.

Does it play? Is it just music? Okay. Yeah. Leading to... In the U.S., nearly 35 million people are under excessive heat warnings or advisories. Yeah. Here, the heat wave in Europe is of particular concern due to the lack of widespread air conditioning.

Yep. The hottest day ever in the U.K. was recorded in Kongis, New York, China, July 19th, hitting a temperature of 104.5 degrees Fahrenheit. The heat wave has led to wildfires in Europe with fires breaking out in residential areas around London, England, on the outskirts of Athens, Greece, and the western Germany. Let it burn. Two firefighters were injured while fighting a parade, please, twist their angles. This is a false headline, then.

Yeah, it's a bullshit headline. Where's the bees? On that video. Where's the bees? They're jerking off to death. There they are. We don't know why. Drones ejaculate when they get too stressed.

Who doesn't? Dude, I'm not... I was in the cafe, a post-doctoral fellow at the University of British Columbia's Michael Sloth Laboratories told Newsweek, ejaculation kills them because it basically eviscerates their abdomen. This happens during natural mating, too. Drone honeybees always die after mating. Oh, what a terrible way to go.

But they still do it. Maybe it's suicide. They don't know any better. Oh, yeah, they don't know until after. They don't have books. Fuck. Yeah. What if you could make a little bitty book that told them?

They can't read. Imagine what a bee sees, they have, like, 80 eyeballs on each side. They probably see wild shit. Man, what does reality look like to a bee? I don't know. Like, you ever see that? It's probably a lot of sounds and, like, sonars. You ever see what a bee's eyes look like up close?

Mm-mm. Oh, my God. Pull up a close-up of a bee's eyes. Pull it up. Pull up that. Please. Look at that thing, man. Mother lord.

There's hairs coming off of it. Look at all the different... Ooh, look at that. Simple eyes. They have more than one kind of eye. That's me, simple eye. Look at that one up there on the right. Yeah, let's see that top.

That bad boy. To the right of your cursor, Jim. Yeah, that one. Look at that thing. Look at that bad boy. Look at the eye. That's wild. Like, what does reality look like to a bee?

They have hairs coming out of their fucking eyeballs. Well, hairs are used, I think, to detect a lot of feelings and stuff like that. Hmm. So imagine what they're pulling in through their eyes. Imagine if you could feel through your eyes. Just look what that thing looks like. What a crazy animal. It's just...

They're little, so we just kind of got used to them, but that is a strange fucking creature. Like, those eyes are wild. I mean, this is a small alien, right? Yeah, it's 100%. Yeah, I mean, that's Starship Troopers. Remember that movie? Mm-mm. You don't remember Starship Troopers?

Nah, we didn't see a lot of space things when I was a child. This was probably 20 years ago? Was it about 20 years ago? I'd say, yeah, probably like 99, 97, something like that. 97. Is it 97, really? Yeah. Oh.

Pull up a video of Starship Troopers. So what it was was these folks, they landed on some planet, and there was giant bugs, and they had to go to war with the bugs. Mm-hmm. So that's what Starship Troopers was. Wow. TriStar presents... Look, it's kind of campy.

Mm-hmm. You know, it's like, but these bugs fucked these people up. From the director of RoboCop, Total Recall, ah, he's running, ah. Ooh. Well, it's a fucking fun movie. Is that Denise Richards in there? Yeah, and it was... Young and hot!

Whoo! They all said that thing in there where people could get healed by going in like that vat, and the robot would just reanimate, missing limbs and shit. Oh, that's coming. Neil Patrick Harris is in it, too. Yeah. Look at that. This is a wild-ass movie.

It's a good movie. Do you think they'll ever be able to email people to a new spot? They'll be able to, like, Star Wars type or Star Trek type, like, beam me up, Scotty, that kind of shit. Maybe. Yeah. Reassemble you, disassemble you, and reassemble you. Will there be different, like, airlines kind of like you feel like?

Probably. They'll probably lose you. Like they lose luggage. Yeah. Yeah. They lose their ankle. Sorry, we lose 1,000 people every year. But do you want to go to Cancun or not?

Okay. Have you paid attention to all the luggage that gets lost now? Oh, man, yeah. What is the increase in lost luggage over the last year? Something happened during the pandemic where they didn't work for a while, so everybody forgot how to do luggage. Is that what you think happened? I think there's an argument that there's incompetence, and then there's an argument

that they just haven't trained these people right, these people have left. I don't know what the real story is. I've heard a lot of people just trying to figure out why the airlines are so bad right now and what they're doing. Do you think that government-ly run things just overall are starting to fall apart? It kind of seems like that. It's not good at a lot of stuff because the people working for the government, I mean, how much, you have kind of like a fixed amount of money you can make, look at all that luggage

that's lost. In Canada, there's why I've also heard that Heathrow Airport, there's just giant pile of luggage. This is the way luggage is piling up at Canada's airports. Jesus Christ. It's a technical issue at Heathrow Airport. Oh, it's just a technical issue. I don't know why we don't- Good luck finding your bag.

We should fly FedEx. I wish FedEx flew people. They'd be better at it. Yeah, they just get it. Yeah, it's like, they always get it there. It's like, even if it's a day later, whatever it is, FedEx always gets it there, I feel like. I'm sure you lose some things with FedEx, but I don't hear about a lot being lost.

But you hear about a lot being lost with this fucking, with airlines lately. Yeah. Yeah, even people, I mean, people are, not people aren't disappearing, but they're not getting where they need to go. Oh yeah. I heard about a little kid that was traveling to see his parents, and they canceled the second leg of his flight without letting his parents know, who's just stuck at the airport's 10.

And they'll probably sign a book deal with him. Now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now he's got a podcast. Yeah. Stuck at the airport. Hey, my name's Tommy. I'm at the airport.

I don't know where my parents are. I don't even have a phone. Dude, a buddy of mine met a girl on a flight, right? And the flight never took off. They made him get off the plane. The girl's like, you can come stay at my place. He goes to her place, and it's her grandmother's place, and they slept in the same bed as her grandmother, and they didn't even get to make out or anything.

Whoa. They slept in the same bed as their grandmother. Why don't you sleep on the floor? I'm like, I'm good. Can you just give me a blanket? I'll sleep on the floor. Yeah, I would. But they were of a different ethnicity, and so I think it was like, he was trying more

honorable. More common. Yeah. Oh, I see. You know, the granddaughter, she sleeps. You know, it's like, this is how we do it here. Everybody sleeps in the bed. But does he spoon with the daughter, or does the grandmother sleep in the middle?

I think he was just knifed out. He was no- Chopsticks. Yeah, yeah. Totally stiff as a board. Don't move. Don't get a hard arm. Oh, man, yeah. That hard on the floor.

That sounds like a porno, right? Like my grandmother sleeps really heavy. Yeah. Don't wait. Sure? Okay, just slip it in. That sounds like a porn. There's porn's like that.

I've seen porn's like that. We're like... Don't wake the bunny or whatever? We're like a guy is in bed, and then the stepdaughter comes in and fucks him while the wife's asleep. Oh, wow. You know, like the wife's pretending to be asleep. Porn actors aren't that good at acting either, so the wife's like squinting her eyes closed. She's not really asleep.

Even the fake stepdaughter is fucking the guy right next to her. It's always like naughty stuff. There's a lot of naughty... Like the one thing that picked up big time during the pandemic was like stepbrother, stepsister porn, where they were pretending it's a stepbrother or a stepsister because people got like stuck in houses together. Well, do you... Oh, I never thought about that.

Do you think that they were leading people to fuck, huh? Well, I think they were like capitalizing on fantasies that people would have if they were stuck in a house with their family. So like say if your dad remarries, like you're 17, and your dad remarries this new woman, and this woman has a 18-year-old daughter, and you're stuck in this house with this girl who's now your sister, but she's not really your sister. I feel like I'm a driver to school, and they're like, school's closed, like we're gonna drive by and chat.

And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. I wanna know how well would you take care of your car if you had to keep it your entire life? Would you polish it? Would you tune it? Would you put a glaze on it, a gloss, a wax? I bet you would. Well, that's how brains work.

We gotta keep them for the long haul. So why don't we take better care of them? How we care for our minds affects how we experience life, and BetterHelp online therapy can help you take care of your brain. BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat only therapy sessions so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. I was struggling one day, and I was driving somewhere, and I pulled over and bam, I was better helping myself right there with a certified therapist.

It's more affordable than in-person therapy. You can be masked with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O. That's BetterH-E-L-P dot com slash Theo. You know, you wanna get out sometimes and you wanna get across the ocean. Maybe you do a plane, maybe you do a ship, or whatever. Or something maybe it is evil-can-evil, your whole family out of a dang cannon. But when you get to a new land, you wanna be able to speak their language, don't ya?

Well Babbel can help. Babbel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. Thanks to Babbel's addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons, there's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination. With Babbel, you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson, so you can start having real-life conversations in less than three weeks. With Babbel, you can choose from 14 different languages. That's correct, including Spanish, French, Italian, and German.

Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel right now. Move up to 60% off your subscription when you go to babbel.com slash theo. That's babbel.com slash t-h-e-o. For up to 60% off your subscription, Babbel language for life. People do you think more people are related than we realize that there's more, that that's sometimes why people get, like, born with certain deficiencies and stuff like that, like Down syndrome and all that, because more people are related? I don't know what causes that, but I would imagine that if you do have sex with people

you're related to, what are the odds that, like, how high do the odds increase if you have sex with your cousin versus how high do the odds increase if you have sex with, like, your sister if you create a child that has a deformity? Ooh. I bet 40%. Can you bring it up, Jamie? I bet it's a very, let's Google first cousin. How dangerous is it breeding with your first cousin?

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I just wanted to tempt you. I rolled that in front of you to see how you feel. It seems like there's an unlimited amount of nicotine in these things, too. It's, like, very confusing. It makes my lips. That bottomless pit. Sometimes it makes my lips hot, and I can't taste water if I drink it.

Okay, having a baby with a first cousin more than doubles the risk of congenital problems such as heart and lung defects, cleft palates, and extra fingers, according to the largest study ever held in the U.K. Yeah, they used to call that cleft palate by us. They'd call it cousin lip if people had it. Two to 3% chance that a child was born with a birth defect, genetic syndrome or disability. Now what about sisters, brothers and sisters? Let's take a guess.

And a lot of times this used to happen, Joe, because people didn't have the ability to travel far, so even if you went, you know, 2,000 yards or 8,000 yards, you were still over time. People were still related even if they didn't realize it. Well, that's one of the concerns about that place, North Sentinel Island, that island of uncontacted people. There's only 39 of them. Yeah, who are you talking about?

Yeah. Are you talking about that? Oh, about the Bible guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That place is, there's only 39 of them. They have to be related. It's kind of interesting about looking for this. Google doesn't really want to show me what I'm looking for.

It's only bringing up animal and breeding. See that's crazy. Oh, wow. So Google will let you look up what it's like to fuck your cousin, but don't get crazy. Yeah, I even specifically said like sibling incest and it's just showing animal stuff. Oh, wow. Well, go to DuckDuckGo. Oh, here you go, having a child.

Oh, genetic risks of two siblings having a child together. Here it goes. Look at that, oh, you fucking pop-up ads. A curious adult from Texas asks, is that us, the future crime people have caught us. Incest laws seem to be socially rather than genetically based, but I'm guessing there are biological consequences too. So what are the exact genetic risks of two siblings having a child together? Let's get down to it.

Okay, you're probably right. Two siblings have kids together have a higher risk of passing on a recessive disease to their kids. Okay, what is the number, though? They don't want to tell you. Okay, here it goes. If a brother and sister are both carriers or have a child together, each of their children would have a one in four chance of ending up with, oh, CF, is that cystic fibrosis?

Yeah. By getting a disease copy of CFTR from each parent, so the odds of this brother and sister having a child with a disease is one out of four or one in 16. Now, hmm. I must say don't risk it. Yeah, don't risk it. Dude, they used to say to us, if you rearrange the letters of sister, what does it spell? Resist.

And I never forgot that. That's good. That's smart. That's helpful. It certainly is. So I had a question. So you know how golf, like the PGA, started doing the live, like they have people leaving the PGA because this big money organization came in and is paying the best golfers?

Could something like that ever happen to the UFC, do you feel like? That's an interesting question. They've tried to do that before, Affliction came along before and they got Fedor and they got Tim Sylvia and Andre Elofsky. There was a lot of big name fighters that went over to Affliction and fought for them, but they went under after a few events. It's hard. Doing something like the UFC, first of all, the UFC is so firmly established, it would

be like trying to create a new NBA. It's like maybe you could do it, but you need a lot of money. Fortunately for this live golf thing, it's run by the Saudis and they obviously have insane amounts of money. But even so, people have passed on it because they don't want to be associated with the Saudis. But do you think like if they start to see that template work and we don't really know if it's going to work yet, I mean they're just, you know, it's just started?

It really depends on how much money they throw at them and how long they continue to do it for. They have so much money. They have so much money. We can't even imagine it, huh? I don't think we can imagine that. Wow. Because you're talking about trillions of dollars, you're talking about oil money.

I think they could just keep that ball rolling. If they decide to do that, they may be able to have like a real rival. But right now, this is the first year, is that correct, Jamie? You're a golf guy. They're in the first year, second event has been completed. There's going to be eight events. They got, I guess that'd be six more left. What does the vibe feel like out there as somebody who pays attention to golf and stuff?

Does it feel like it's... They don't have a TV deal, so it's all being broadcast differently. I would guess that this is a play to get a TV deal. There are still people, they just got a big announcer that went over from it. I think NBC, he's been a long time, 25 year plus guy. Who's that? His name's David Faraday. He's got a really well-known voice for the...

For golf? For golf, yeah. Now, is there a stigma attached to this? These guys getting like... Yeah, there is. Outcast. For sure. But they don't seem to mind that much.

Because the money's so great. Because the money is really great. They don't have to play golf every week like they had to. Oh, so with the PGA? Yeah. Right. And who's the one guy? It was Phil Mickelson.

Is that his name? The biggest one getting roasted for it, I guess. And apparently he's not playing good. That's the other interesting thing is they're getting prepaid money. It's not performance-based. There is performance-based money that can come if they win. There's more money to win in a tournament, but... So there's less incentive, you think?

They have like... I read a four and a half year contract right now is what most of these guys have, varying levels of money. Six figures for some of them. Only six figures. I'm sorry. On top of another series. It's okay, man.

I'm nervous, too. A billion? Hundreds of millions. For some people, yeah. So for them, they feel like, fuck, this is my ticket out. I could retire. Yeah. So fuck it.

Fuck all the stigma. Yeah. And the argument against it is really that they're not going to be playing traditionally what everyone's been playing for over their careers of like... The big tournaments that everybody's accustomed to, but they don't have a TV deal right now. Right. It's just on YouTube and their website. But man, YouTube is so big.

Yeah, but for golf, though, I feel like a lot of people, there's something about... I feel like I see my stepdad watches it on TV, you know, it's a Sunday afternoon. Right. It's a TV thing. There's a tradition about that that I feel like is really baked into golf. Hmm. Maybe. I don't know enough about golf.

Yeah, me neither. But to answer your question, yes, somebody could come along and do something like that. It's possible. You'd have to throw a lot of money. And you'd have to get guys that are out of their contract, right? Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to get guys that are out of their contract or get guys that are on the come

up, you know, that like right about to break into the UFC and get them before they... You know, because there's a lot of like really talented guys that are coming up. Yeah. There's a company called 1FC that is based out of Asia and they put on some killer fucking shows and I watched some of their fighters and some of their fights and man, these guys are world class killers. They're really good. They easily could be fighting in the UFC, many of them.

And then many UFC guys like Mighty Mouse and Eddie Alvarez, quite a few guys have gone over there and they're competing now in 1FC. So that's like a viable alternative for some people who don't want to compete in UFC anymore or maybe they have a more lucrative deal for 1FC, but it's not in the public zeitgeist the way UFC is. No. Like you tell people like, oh, I was watching 1FC, they're like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, they think something's wrong with you.

Right, but you say UFC, it's like Q-Tips, you know, it's like everybody knows what that means. Yeah. Yeah. It's NBA. Everybody knows the NBA. Everybody knows NFL. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, the brand is strong. I mean, I think the UFC, the fact that it performed, it showed up every few weeks during the pandemic was unbelievable. That brought so many, I feel like it had to bring so many fans. That's when I became like, oh, I am, this is my favorite sport. I didn't realize it, but after like a certain month, I was like, oh, wow, this is my favorite sport.

I started, once they started doing those events, when everything else was shut down, it opened up a lot of people's eyes, so like what could be possible, and so then the NBA started doing events and all these other sports organizations started doing events with no audience. Yeah. You know, didn't they have baseball games with no audience? Yeah. I think the Dodgers won the World Series with no audience. But remember, they had like Brody was in the stands, they had fake cutouts of people in

the seats. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Which is weird. Yeah. I know you're lying to me, I know you're lying to me. You've worked so long at UFC, do you feel like, and I've watched your pace over there. I remember when I did a show with you in Atlanta, and then we went to, we did a show the night

before, then I was sitting behind you, and so like you guys are commentating, and then you go right up into the ring, and you come right back down, and you commentate again. I mean, it was like watching like a, it just seemed like a lot, like this is a lot, you know, like you have to have a real pace for it. It's a real job. Yeah. You have to have energy for sure. It blew my mind.

Yeah. It's like, and you're doing it for six hours, and I sit down for six hours, and I try not to pee, which is lucky that I have good experience doing the podcast, because I'm used to like holding my piss for three hours, but that's about my limit. So I always have to pee at least once or twice. Ride that bag, baby. You know, I like riding that bag. It's hard though, sometimes, like also I'm drinking like monster energy drinks sometimes,

which are like piss magnets, which are delicious, but they make you want to pee. Make you want to beat your wife, too, dude. I've seen a lot of dudes drinking monster that you know they're going home to punch. I don't know if the monster is the cause of it. I think there's probably other factors. Well, I'll say this. It's the beverage of choice of some of those gentlemen. I'll say that.

I thought it was rock stars. Maybe it used to be. Do you think you'll always work there? Do you ever, I mean, you've been, you've done it for a long time, you know? Do you think, I mean, I guess nothing can be forever, but do you, do you think you'll always commentate for, for UFC? I enjoy it. I enjoy the sport, but I enjoy watching, too.

You know, when it came to Austin, it was the first time in 20 years that I sat in the audience and I watched it. It was great. I enjoyed the shit out of it. Just no responsibility, just being able to watch. I want to go to more of them that I'm not going to, like at the Apex Center. Those are great. Oh, in Vegas?

Yeah. Because it's a small arena, a small octagon, and you know, you're right there, man, right there with the action. When you started, do you feel like, did y'all have such a strong commentating team? I mean, now it's like, it's really, it's stronger now than ever. Yeah. It's stronger now than, John Anik is the fucking man. He's great and Daniel Cormier is the fucking man and, you know, when I get to do it with

Dominic Cruz or, you know, anybody else that, you know, I get Paul Felder is fucking great. It's amazing. It's a beautiful job and I love DC. Like when me and DC hang out and have fun, it's just like, he's such a great guy and he knows so much about the sport. You know, two division world champion and great wrestler and just a dude who likes to have fun. Like we laugh a lot and it's a great job, man.

I love it. I look forward to it every time. I look forward to it this weekend. I'm doing this weekend in Dallas and pumped. Oh, nice. I don't know who's fighting on that one. It's Amanda Nunes. Two.

Yeah. Versus Giuliana Peña. Dude, I was at the first one. Yes. Who knows what's happening in that rematch. And Halle Berry was there at the first one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was cool.

Halle Berry's a big fan. She's there all the time. Yeah, that was cool. She loves the sport. Yeah. Jared Leto was there. He's neat. He's always there too.

Yeah. Yeah, he loves it. It's always, I mean, it's exciting, man. You know, he's a big fan of it now. Mark Zuckerberg. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it.

He got, like, super addicted to it. He's training now. He's doing jiu-jitsu. Oh, wow. Yeah. Good for him. They should make him fight other owners of things. Who do you think he would fight?

Bezos? Bezos is a little older, kind of cruel to make him fight Bezos. He might fuck Bezos up. Who could he get in against? Somebody that... I put all my money on Elon. You teach Elon martial arts? Yeah.

He'd figure out a way to fuck you up. He's a fish and he just had, like, nine kids in a month. That's what I heard on Twitter. How fucking efficient is that? I think he's doing it through in vitro fertilization. Yeah, I'm sure. He jerks off into a FedEx tube, he mails it to these ladies. I thought about that.

I thought about having a kid via, like, a machine or something, you know? You think that's the way to do it? I think, because I was thinking about having a child with a friend of mine. A guy or a girl? A woman. Okay. Damn, bro. I just want to let you know what you can and can't do.

Yeah. Google, what's the percentage of, uh... You can get pregnant. But you'll get confused now, like, how many men can get pregnant? All of them. They'll say all of them. Yeah. Today, you know?

No one ever, no one knows what to say. But I think those men are trying to... Is it a man or is it a woman? Those men are trying to trick other men to busting in them all the time. I think we're talking about trans men. That's what they're talking about. Oh, I see where they put the ovaries into a man. No, no, no.

Like, a biological female becomes a man. Trans men. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you're pregnant, people will say yes, and you're like, okay, I want off. I want off this planet. I can't take your fucking confusing reality. But do you think, ever, that Mother Nature has a plan, a bigger plan, where in the end

it all ends up that we're, like, trans, like, Ben Simmons is, like, all, like, crossed? You know what I'm saying? Ben Simmons. Ben Simmons is like, um, Mick, he's a black and... I think he's black and white, right? He played at LSU. He's a great basketball player. What does it have to do with his sexuality?

But he's beige. You know what I'm saying? He's beige. You know what I'm saying? Does it end? Because we don't... Here we go. What the fuck?

He's probably like, what the fuck, man? I'm a man. Leave me alone, bitch. But if he put a wig on... No! If he put a wig on and shaved, I'm just saying... With those fucking arms and hands? Yeah.

Did you get tricked by that guy? Yeah, you want to. Yeah, you want to get tricked. You're trying to get tricked. You're like, trick me. Trick me, Ben Simmons. That's a fucking manly man. The size of his fucking hands.

Go back to that picture. Bro, that guy is jacked. Have you think that's a woman? I mean, maybe he is now. I don't know. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. No, he's not. No, no, no.

He's 6'11". He's giant. Go Tigers, man. You're the LSU Tiger. But what I'm saying is... What are you saying? Here's what I'm saying, man, I can't believe you guys can't understand me. I do understand what you're saying.

I'm just fucking around. Okay, okay. And I'm just fucking around too. Let me get that. Let me get that. Okay. I'm just saying, if we're sending somebody in, say if the trans community is going to send somebody in a fucking vouch for them, they need to send in a fucking warrior.

You know? They can't send in... Now I don't know what you're saying. I thought I knew what you were saying. I switched. I switched to a new idea. Okay. What I was saying is, do you think we all end the same skin color and in some sort of

a trans sexual type of situation? I think it's very possible that we all become genderless. Yes. I do think that's possible. Yeah. I think that might be what is happening with microplastics or changing people's hormone systems. I don't know if you know about all that.

Do you know about all that? You know. I don't know about it. I mean, I appreciate it, though. There's a book called Countdown. That was nice of you. By a woman, her name is Dr. Shanna Swan, and she came on the podcast and she explained that there's certain chemicals that are in plastics and in some fertilizers that are

disrupting the human body endocrine system. It's causing people's penises to shrink, balls to shrink, sperm counts are lowering. One of the ways they find out about this is the size of people's taints. Oh, wow. Yes. The male mammals, the taint is 50% to 100% larger than female mammals. When they pick up a gerbil, that's how they can quickly tell whether or not it's a boy or a girl is by the size of the taint.

When the introduction of phthalates, it starts with a P-P-T-H-A-L-A-T-E-S. I think that's how you spell it. You say phthalates, and phthalates are a type of chemical that disrupts the human body. Because of the use of petrochemical products, the increase of phthalates into the human body from contamination has caused people's taints to shrink, balls to shrink, dicks to shrink, sperm counts to drop, and miscarriages to go up. If you think about that, that is causing gender to just compress and to become more ambiguous. In the future, if that continues to happen, what does that mean?

Do we become genderless? And then what do we do to try to keep the human race alive? We may revert to genetic engineering, like some sort of medical, technological intervention so we breed from splicing genes. So we get enough males and we get enough females. And that has always been, which is crazy about this, although this sounds nuts, we're talking about it now, for decades, people that have been abducted by aliens have always said that aliens are performing experiments and making hybrids with human beings because their genetic

material has run stale because they're breeding or they're rather reproducing through genetic manipulation rather than through sex because they don't have sexual intercourse anymore. So they need our eggs and sperm. They need all that stuff. They need our material because they don't have that anymore. So that might be where all biological creatures that develop technology and technology, in our case, involves a lot of plastic. The more technology, the more plastic, the more plastic in the bodies, the more the bodies

become genderless. Wow. It's wild. And since there's plastic in our water, like little molecules and stuff, does that affect us too, do you think? Yes, it definitely does. Yeah, we found a statistic that's a little misleading, but the statistic is, every week, the average person consumes a credit card-sized piece of plastic through Michael Plastics.

Jesus. That's a lot. But then Jamie found out that the way they calculate that is like worst-case scenario. Like some dude who really likes, you know, who sucks on the bottle, kind of. A lot of, like, bottleneck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of, like, chewing on vibrators. Or chewing on, yeah. Chew it like that dog we saw the other day. Yeah. Yeah. So, let me think, had a couple more questions for you. Is that all right? Yes, please.

Okay, cool. Being, becoming like a celebrity in America, right? Like, I know you don't think of yourself maybe as that way, right? But you've become real popular, is it hard to keep it from, like, affecting your family and kids and stuff? Does that ever get, like, scary and stuff? It definitely will affect everyone around you, you know, and it affects people in a weird way where, like, people will, like, contact family members and ask for things,

you know, which is, like, weird. And it's not, you know, like, want to meet. Like, I've had people contact my family members to ask me to introduce them to people I don't even know. Like, as if there's some, like, sort of celebrity network that you become a part of, you get a card, like, hey, man, you got 15 million Instagram followers, here's your card, just call everybody on the list and, you know, you could hook up your friend with Marky Mark. Yeah.

It's weird. And is it, does it get scary having kids that are, like, you know, does that, does that get scary at all? Like, it's, all of it is scary, yeah, it's, it's scary, it's weird, you know, like, having that many people, like, I get a lot of people contacting me saying they got chips in their brain and I'm talking to them for a chip in their brain, not just one, like, multiple people. I used to have a woman like that who's coming to my shows in Texas, dude, and her chip kept

telling her to fuck me, dude, that's the crazy part. Did she listen? I would, no, I sent her away, like, so many times I said, was she hot? She was hot, too. Damn, and why'd you say no? Because I just thought it was, like, a scam or something. I thought it was, like, some kind of a set up or something, you know, like, I just got scared because that's scary when somebody tells you that.

You gotta think of that, too. Imagine if you're a guy and you're worried that every girl you meet is trying to set you up, you know, like, if you're some oligarch type dude and every woman you meet might be a hit woman or might be someone who's, like, trying to, like, get information at with some Russian spy who's trying to record you fucking. Oh, even if I ejaculate, dude, not, you know, I don't have a, you know, I'm doing okay, but I'll even walk out of the room backwards, you know, just to make sure, you know, like... How does that help?

Just to, so I can see if anybody's using any of the seed, if there's any loose on the room. Doesn't Drake pour hot sauce into his condoms? Is that real? Yeah. It's a story that went around a few months ago, for sure. So he's got, like, a little bottle of Tabasco by the bed? Just in case.

Look, Dustin Poorey needs to step his advertising up. That's all I'm saying. This hot sauce is excellent. Dustin has excellent hot sauce. It's very good. It is good. It's very delicious. It's vinegar-based, Louisiana hot sauce.

It's kind of hot enough, but it's nothing crazy. Hot enough. Tasty. It's tasty. It's very good. What is it called, like, Diamond? Yeah, Diamond. I need to know this, man.

We'll find it. Jim, you'll pull it up. But it's... He sent me a case of it. It is fucking very good. It's good. Yeah. I'll put it on salads, too.

I'm not even going to ask him for more. I'm going to buy it myself. Poirier's Louisiana-style hot sauce. You can buy it on Amazon. And look at him, dude, having fun with it. He's a feminist. Yeah, there it is. He's so funny.

It's good, too. Oh, yeah. Like, when someone makes something like that that's good, I appreciate. That's a legit hot sauce. Dustin has some really good hot sauce. Yeah, good stuff. He's a good dude, too. I like him a lot.

Yeah, Dustin's neat, man. He's really, really funny, too. He's a fun dude. He's a fun dude to hang out with. And he likes to cook, too. Do you think that Nate Diaz fight is just like, do you think he's going to care about it? Is that impossible for him not to care about it versus Hamzat Chamaev?

Yeah. I mean, he has to care about it. Hamzat is a fucking assassin. Hamzat is a terrifying human being. He's terrifying. He's really good. Oh, yeah. He's really good and really big.

I get scared at home. You should be. Yeah. I mean, that's how it is. Yeah. Hamzat's a murderer. I mean, when he gets into that octagon, he's seeking destroy. He's a dangerous man.

Do you think that it's just a set up fight for, because I know he's trying to get out of his contract. Do you think that, or do you think he's... Nate asked for that fight. Oh, he did. That's what that... Nate wanted to fight Francis and Ganu. Oh, damn.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Nate is as game as a human being has ever been. Wow. That dude is wild. I mean, that's one of the things that Dana White said. They were like saying, why did you do this fight? He's like, that's the fight Nate wanted.

He goes, by the way, Nate asked for Francis and Ganu. Damn. That'd have been awesome. Well, no. Yeah. You're right. No. I mean, but you know what?

There would have been something exciting about it. Yeah. Murder. Yeah. Something exciting. Francis and Ganu, a natural 270-pound man who hits harder than any human being that's ever been recorded. He's the hardest punch ever recorded.

Well... Francis is terrifying. I think Nate could take him, dude. You think so? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Nate just never ends, bro.

I hope you're never a bookmaker. Yeah. No, that's true. I hope so, too. I hope so, too. There are certain physical attributes and advantages you cannot overcome. It's not saying that Nate is an amazing fighter. Nate is an amazing fighter and has been for a long time.

I mean, you can go way back. Nate has been submitting and beating people for a long fucking time. He's a tough motherfucker. Yeah. But Francis and Ganu is gigantic. He's gigantic. Francis is gigantic. Why do you think gigantic people come out of Africa and stuff?

Well, I mean, gigantic people come out of Iceland. Gigantic people come out of areas where gigantic people met and bred. You know, and Francis's father was huge. I don't know how big his mother was, but, you know, there's a... I mean, there's a lot of giant people in the world. And when they find other giant people and they fuck, they make big humans. Dude, they should... That'd be an only fans right there.

Giant people fucking. Yeah. Big giant people fucking. Yeah. I bet if you... Yeah, I bet people would love that if those are the only fans where you only got together with other giant people and fucked. I'd watch that.

And then have a little person in the room watching. Do you go on only fans at all? No, I logged on one night and then I logged off, you know. I'm trying to stay off a masturbation, stay off a touch of my own wiener. Really? I don't need to do it. I'm doing cool. You know?

I feel better when I don't do it. Is it masturbation or pornography? Well, yeah, pornography, I think, is nice to stay away from. We talked about this before because my thought was just that it... And you said it's fun. It's just people that abuse it, you know? So I think, like, I just... I don't like to have those thoughts in my head.

It keeps me thinking too much sexual side and not enough, like, connection side. Right. Right. That's the number one criticism of people who watch pornography. Is that it... Yeah, it makes you think sexually instead of, like, romantic. Yeah. And if I want to have a family and stuff, I have to have more, like, you know, real,

intrinsic kind of romantic connection thoughts. And I have to be able to control my... Not control my own brain, but let my nature come through that way. Right. Not think, like, I want to recreate some shit I saw in a film. Right. Right. I don't even think that way, but, like, you're subconscious, just...

It remembers the stuff, you know? And it kind of mills around in there, just kind of loiteres around your brain and dick a little. How many girls have started to make a living off of only fans now that would just normally have a job and never get paid the same amount of money? Well, it's one of the reasons why we're not seeing that many hot chicks working at Chipotle, I think. Is that what it is?

They go only fans. I think it's gonna... It's definitely... But how do they get an audience? Like, just because you're hot and you show your asshole? They bait through their Instagram mail. Dude, you know no two assholes are the same. Is that true?

I'm sure. It's like a fingerprint. That's crazy. We're gonna use that from now on to get into the bank. It's like you're retting a scan. That's how do you get into Dan Bolzerian's house. I mean, if you really think about how many girls are making like stupendous amounts of money on only fans.

Oh, it's baffling. But do you also think, Joe, that... Whoa. Only fans is over one million creators. So, well, let's imagine that's worldwide. Up from 70,000 in 2019. So all those people jumped on board during the pandemic. That makes sense.

This is what I start to worry about. That it's gonna be like every... What is this called? A gig economy? No, what is it? Okay. No, gig economy is like Uber, right? Okay.

Would you think of only fans? Does that count? Yeah. I mean, you could get a gig. They make a video for a specific person. Same kind of thing. Oh, okay. Do you think it's gonna...

A cameo. Yeah, it's very sad. I watched some cameos the other day. It was sad. I got one from Nick Nolte about some dogs at Christmas. I made him make like a video for some puppies that I... Nick Nolte does cameos? That I didn't have.

Yeah. Why is he doing that? He's like, oh, hey, cinnamon and whisker. Dad loves you. Yeah. I gotta find it. Nick Nolte's on cameo? How is it?

Is that weird? Oh, no. Gary... Who's the other guy that looks like Nick Nolte? Gary Busey? Gary Busey. Okay. That makes sense.

Yeah. They look very different. He's like, hey, cinnamon and whisker. Dad's home. Gary was a great actor who got in a horrible motorcycle accident without a helmet. Yeah. Okay. Play some of these.

Give me one like that. Got my guitar. Got my voice. Got my thoughts. Got my love. To send to you in a cameo. However many you want. To send me what you want me to tell you.

And I'll tell you better than you can feel. Bop, bop, bop. There you go. Cameos are us. I love that. It doesn't make you feel good though, do you feel good when you did it? No. No.

Made me think you should wear a helmet. Oh, you think people are taking advantage of him? No, that's what happened to him. He got in a motorcycle accident without a helmet on. Back when LA didn't have a helmet law. And he crashed his motorcycle and bounced his fucking head up a curb and got serious brain damage. That's not funny.

See, you can pull that up. I want to say that was from like the early 2000s. He had a serious, that's why one of his eyes looks different than the other one. Yeah. He remade it. His fucking skull got crushed. Yeah, in 1988 the actor then 44 had just picked up his Harley Davidson from his shop when he tried to maneuver around a bus and accidentally turned too hard, started skidding

and hit his back brake causing him to fly over his windshield and land directly on his helmetless head. Oh. Yeah. So, that is when things went sour. And his hair still looks good, which is crazy, huh? He's got great hair. He's got great hair to hide that scar where they had to stitch his head back together

again, I think. That's unbelievable. Not good. Yeah. Well, this is my question then. Do you think it's going to get to a point, right, where if we start losing jobs, right, and there's less jobs and more people are on like only fans, right, that you're basically going to have chicks out there, like literally people, women holding each other at gunpoint,

like, you know, subscribe to my pussy, stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Like. I don't know what you're saying. You know, help, Jamie. Jamie, can you pull up some help? Pull up some help. I need some help, man.

I always had this vision of like two Uber drivers, like, you're going to be my, um, I'm your, you're my rider. You know what I'm saying, you're my, like, like it's like people, like, it's all just digital. It's all online. And it's just like people just like, subscribe to me now, you know, like literally at gunpoint. Like that's how bad it's going to get. I don't think that's going to happen, but I think there's going to be a lot of people

that are doing that to make a living. The problem is where's the money coming from? Is it going to be subscribers paying other subscribers? Is it going to be like a hierarchy, like someone who makes like a million dollars a month paying someone who makes $100,000 a month who pays someone who makes $10,000 a month? Is it going to be a pyramid scheme for pussy? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't want to get by a fake pussy somewhere and put it out there. I don't think that's good enough. I think you have to have the whole body attached to it. Like what do most girls on OnlyFans do? Do they show like bikini pictures? Like what are they doing? Showing feet? There's bikini pictures.

I know that there's like meetups where like manager companies like have them all go to like a location to gather like at the beach and then they do like, you know, tit touching and like, you know, smelling each other's cry. You know, like stuff. Oh, and so that gets everybody excited and then they get more like, so they have managers. Stuff animals do. Like stuff animals do before their owner pulls them away real quick. I heard that a lot of these girls, when they're interacting with people online, they're not

really doing it. They hire a company and then someone writes these letters because like, if you feel like you're going to respond to people and text them, like how many of them are you going to do this to? Like how many can you? How many days? I mean, how much hours in the day do you have and if people don't know how many you're responding to or who's doing it?

Like if you have like, say if you have a million subscribers on OnlyFans and you get a hundred thousand messages a month, yeah, you got to have somebody helping you. Maybe they just have a person, like a service who writes like sexy things, like thank you, sweetie, heart, heart, kiss, blowing kiss, you know? Yeah. Like you're so sweet. Thank you. And there's a fat guy writing those things.

You know? Do you remember Marilyn Martinez? Did you know Marilyn Martinez? Uh-uh. Marilyn Martinez was a comic at the comedy store and very funny. And she used to do phone sex back in the day. That's how she made a living when she was starting out as a comic. She would get on the phone with guys while they were jerking off and she'd talk them

through it. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah. I think I just wonder if it's going to come to that where you're going to have, you know, people just helping each other jerk off and that's going to be, you know. I think it's going to come to the point where you can't jerk off anymore because you're not going to have any generals.

I think we're all going to slip away to neutral. Like I was saying. Aliens. Yeah, aliens. I think what aliens look like, what do they look like? They look like sexless, genderless things with big, giant heads. Autism, too. You think so?

Aliens? Yeah. I think they have the highest, most acute form of fucking. Alzheimer's. Autism. I said Alzheimer's. They might have Alzheimer's, too, dude. They could have it all.

I mean, at that point, they've mastered the diseases. I meant Asperger's. I was trying to say Asperger's. I came up with Alzheimer's. Well, Asperger should have a different name, too. It's just. Yeah, Asperger's. That's rude.

That's a lot. Right? I wonder if it's like a doctor. Is it Dr. Asperger who figured out Asperger's? I don't know. Take a guess. Let's find out and take a guess. Ron Asperger?

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Like a guy out of Seattle. I was thinking that when Mr. Fournier is green, gang green, we looked up to their dad, so I'm fortunate for Mr. Fournier. Exactly. Yeah. So let's find out where the name.

Hans Asperger. We hit that thing one time, too. Yeah, it's a dude. It's Hans Asperger. There it is. Oh, it's Perger. Asperger. Damn.

Asperger. I've been putting meat in it. South Park. I've been putting meat in it. I'd love to be Austrian, huh? Austrian? Yeah. Yeah, they just seem so pure and they seem like outdoors.

Yeah, they hike a lot. They're getting water for everybody. Yeah, shorts with little socks. Mills with the windmills going. Hiking boots. Beautiful flowers. Yeah. And probably crazy sex, too.

You think so? I think Austrian women. Really? Yeah. And you don't see them a lot in porn or anything. I think they keep it really. They're kind of like, they're kind of like, they feel almost to me like Disney Amish, kind of.

Disney Amish. Yeah, like kind of whimsical, but like also very like stick to an old script. Pull up some. Whoa. Damn. Put that on with that Disney princess. Yeah. Yeah, very Disney princess looking.

All of them. Damn. I wonder like what nationality is known to have the most beautiful women. Do you think there's like a consensus nationality that has the most beautiful women? I don't know, but I know that I've thought poorly that I'd spent so much jerking off in America when you could have done it in places. Internationally? Yeah.

Like a ride? Dude, why do you and I have the fucking silliest podcasts? Oh my God. I just had a great podcast with Rich from Rich Rebuilds. We were talking about cars and then you come in here. You started with him. I saw you talking about horse. Horse sex out there.

I'm going to tell you his reaction. It's very different than yours. Oh yeah. That's cool, man. I would like to get some different. I'd like to get some different hobbies and stuff like that. Like what? Um, I don't know.

I thought about sometimes I thought about maybe getting into golf. Like that's one thing like in Nashville. It's like most people just, there's just a lot of drinking and golf. Talk to this dude. He's a golfing fool. Him and Tony Hinchcliffe and Ron White. Oh, Tony's built for it. Built for golf?

I think so. He's just that perfect. He's very, he looks almost like a like Pinocchio's old, you know, crazy brother. You know what I'm talking about? Pull him up. Pull up Tony Hinchcliffe's body. Pull up Tony Hinchcliffe. It's probably already a comparison.

Tony Hinchcliffe side by side next to Pinocchio online. Dude, that was so much fun, man. It's interesting. You guys definitely made a good case for Austin. Yeah. We're having fun out here, man. Yeah. You get to see it, right?

Yeah. And how wild these shows. Tonight's going to be wild too, sir. Really good. Tonight's going to be fun. Yeah. A lot of good comics out there. A lot of good comics on stage.

Yeah. Just felt, yeah. It's like you said, having a sense of community is really important. Look at his little notebook. But look right there with the mic at the ice house. That is a pinot. It's almost like his hand looks like it was pulled up by a piece of cord. Yeah.

To the right. One more please, Jamie. Right there. Yeah. Yeah. Looks like his arm is hanging from his tree. Perhaps. Fuck Jepetto.

Yeah. He's an asshole. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that I wanted to ask you, Joe. I feel like we covered a decent amount of stuff, you know. We definitely did. You going to move here? Thinking about it?

I thought about it. I thought about it more today. And I thought about it yesterday. Yeah. What percentage do you think you're thinking about it? I thought 30%, which was surprising. I didn't think I would think about it that much. 30%.

I'll say this. A zillowed. A zillowed? Really? A zillowed last night. Where are you looking? Found it's pretty pricey. I found that.

Yeah, man. Got rough here. Yeah. During the pandemic, prices went way up. Yeah. You got to have really, yeah. Yeah. It's pretty pricey.

But that's okay. Got to have them shekels, son. I know. I got to shekel up. I got to up my shekels, man. You make a good living. Yeah. No, I do.

It's been. Did you buy in Nashville? Yeah. I bought it on the floor. Yeah. It's already went up. It's a great market. Nashville is another place like Austin, where a lot of people move to.

But it's like a smaller city, right? Yeah. I would say it's probably half the size. I mean, I noticed that this feels more like a city. Nashville, it's still a city, but it's a different vibe. I fucking love Nashville. Yeah. I love going there.

I love doing stand-up there. Fun people, man. Yeah. That's a fun town. And it's also like Austin, a town that appreciates art, appreciates live performance. Performance. Oh, yeah, people come out all the time. Yeah, I mean has a smaller comedy scene Yeah, that's the tough part and that's what I realized It was like if I could get up a little more, you know instead of having to go to LA to do like a month or six weeks at a

Time, you know really build there. So I think about it here. You can go ham I mean we got cap city just opened up. We have the Vulcan. We have Creek in the cave We got my club is going to open and we have there's a bunch of satellite rooms a bunch of smaller rooms that are outside the area a Lot of open mics in different places where people perform I mean and since the pandemic started it's exploded and definitely since kill Tony moved here And we all moved here and Segura moved here and Tim Dillon and all these other folks Duncan moved here You know, I love Duncan. He's the best. He's so neat. He's the best. He's really special. Yeah did um

There's one thing I was gonna ask you about that about um What were you talking about comedy comedy moving moving Zillow Zillow shekels. Yeah Vate pens No, should we end it? I think so. I think I have one more question. I'm trying to think what it is Can I just have about eight seconds about the rooms the number of rooms in around? No, that's good. I feel like I've cuz I fit, you know, this is good This is like a good consideration of if um, if I'll come here, you know, I was getting an apartment

Oh, I was gonna try for one. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'll do one month at Airbnb. That's a move. You know That's a great move. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is my question Okay, so sometimes I you know, I've had times in my life where I've thought too much about regrets and stuff in my life Right. Yeah, we've talked about that some in the past like looking in the past too much Right or attaching myself to the past was there is there has there been anything along your journey that you've kind of regretted and Then how do you deal with regret? I mean individual choices and mistakes Yeah, but ultimately you learn from those so like no cuz like even the regrets the bad things or the stupid things You learn not to do bad things or stupid things, you know, those all those things are beneficial in some way if you can get through them

You know, you know if you like Did something that would that resulted in someone's death or some something horrible like that? Yeah, it'd be a terrible regret But I've been very fortunate that that hasn't happened But the dumb shit that I've done or the bad mistakes that I've made they've taught me, you know, you learn like That's why failure is so important like failing and fucking up and making mistakes. It's very important You know, that's how you learn. Let's see the bad feeling that you get from something that you shouldn't have done or wish you didn't do Or wish you did better like especially failing at something where you half-assed it and you just feel like a fucking loser Like that just teaches you

Teaches you to get your shit together Well, you have such a good ability to learn from those things some people I think kind of repeat, you know It's just like it gets repetitive for some people. That's dangerous. Yeah, it's dangerous to dwell on past mistakes Because people sort of define themselves by the worst moments that they've ever had and if that's the case like some people are stuck in high school You know, they're stuck in failures that they had like when they're first getting jobs and they always think that they're a loser And they they don't like the feeling of failure. So they keep low expectations so that they never have to feel that You got to get through it. You got to get through bad feelings. You got to get through You got to get through failure

It's very important and you get through it by just picking yourself back up and moving forward and going But it's hard for a lot of people because they that sting they never get over it the feeling of failure and they don't have a good support system like good friends like having a good community of Friends, it's very very important because you could feel like down like if you've been Girl broke up with you and you feel like you're the worst you're a fucking loser Like your piece of shit, but then you go out with your friends and you have a few laughs and next thing you know You're laughing and you're like, I'm alright We'll be alright and then maybe you meet a new lady. Yeah. Yeah, and she like picks you up and you're like, oh

We're gonna be okay. And then you learn from the last mistakes. Yeah, that's life It just those feelings of failure are so hard They're so hard to get over and they they overwhelm people and some people can't get past them And then every time some new thing comes up when you have to rise to the occasion You have to perform you think about that time you failed and fucks your head up man. You think I'm a fucking loser I can't do this. I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna fuck up, you know Like bombing like how many times have you had a bad set and you're like god damn it. I suck at comedy I can't do this. I can't do this. I suck at comedy. That's just it. I just suck and then you define yourself that way

And you got to get over it. Yeah, I do notice thankfully you never have too bad in a row either Which is kind of interesting. Well, you learn from that one and you like coming out guns blazing for the next show. Yeah Yeah, maybe it activates some senses in you Did you feel like you learn that from somebody or did you always just have that kind of intuition when it comes to that kind of Stuff I think I learned it from martial arts because you get your ass kicked and like you don't want to get your ass kicked again You either quit fighting or you learn how to get a lot better, you know And then you get your ass kicked in training which happens all the time and You know you learn from those mistakes you learn, you know

Like maybe you were stationary too much or maybe you telegraph too much or maybe you you got tired And you have been doing your cardio like those those failures that you have for martial arts are so Consequential because you get hurt like you physically get punished and then you don't want that to happen again So you got to be either quit or get way better I like that and that's great for a lot of my listeners a lot of guys, you know, or just you know a lot of guys Just trying to keep going in there in their lives, you know, I with everybody in my listeners your listeners anybody who's listening to Yeah, just people out there. Yeah, that's why there's so many self-help books That's where there's so many motivational documentaries and motivational Instagram pages is because people need stuff like that

They need something and generally the best version of it is coming from someone who's experienced fuck ups and got through it Yeah, you know Yeah, I appreciate it man. You know, you're like a kind of like a library I was thinking about the other the other day in a weird way You're like kind of like a like a library, you know, that's interesting Because you just have all this information has passed through you and you're able to like kind of You're almost like a cleaners at the cleaners if you ask a question Then it goes and gets the information and brings it to the front, you know, and it's like wrapped up kind of it's cool

It's a nice skill man because I was even listening to an old episode of ours And there was information and like kind of suggestions and guidance you share with me in there that we're still resonate with me today So it's just pretty cool. Cool. So, um, thank you so much, bro. I appreciate your time. I appreciate you. Yeah, all right Hey