This Past Weekend - E405 Bobby Lee

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Starting point is 00:00:47 for everything below the belt grooming. It's smooth sack summer, boys. Get on board or get left behind. I wanna let you know I'm upstairs with the return of the rat tour and I'll be coming to your city, October 11th and 12th, Wichita, Kansas. We added the 11th at the Orpheum Theater.

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Starting point is 00:01:49 Thank you so much for your support. Today's guest is a man that just, I mean, just makes me feel so much dang joy when he's around. He just makes me sprout this damn just happy tits, just just lunge out of my chest when he's around. He just brings that out of you. He's a special guy.

Starting point is 00:02:13 He's originally from another continent and he's always welcome here. This is his fifth time on this past weekend. You may know him from Mad TV, from his countless film and television appearances or from his astounding podcasts, Tiger Belly and Bad Friends. I'm grateful to spend time with him

Starting point is 00:02:35 and I'm grateful for him as a human. Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee. Show that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories. Show that light on me, And I will find a song I've been singing for so long. You know when I get when I've dated white girls before every time I get a white girl It just feels a little extra special really. Yeah, like I won in some way. Oh, yeah Do you um, why do you date a lot of whites or not? I haven't had love

Starting point is 00:03:24 I haven't made love to a white in years dog. Wow. Yeah. Yeah The first girl you ever made love to was she fat. No. Yeah. She was fat first Dude, I got food poison one time looking up with a big girl. I think you really yeah vanilla No, I think she just had so much food in her and it it poisoned me somehow. Oh You ate that you ate the box. No, no, she just the box dude. No, I didn't eat the box Bro, there was no she wasn't leaving leftovers. You know what I'm saying? It was Yeah, everything had been it had been kind of

Starting point is 00:04:00 She was she there was she kept it all in, you know, yeah But I mean, I've always wanted to make love to a plus size model. Oh, I could see one there Yeah, like they're beautiful, but there's more. Oh, yeah, there's more beauty. Oh, yeah There's as much. Well, there's a lot of like you see those plus size models with the um Like a lot of them on the beach and stuff now. I like it. Yeah Yeah, think about all the decades when bigger women just had to stay inside and didn't want to go outside What do you mean? It just breaks my heart if you just like now they can is what you're saying Well, now it's more popular bigger women being out and about and being in bathing suits, you know

Starting point is 00:04:38 Well back in the day if you see like paintings at museums and shit right there They used back in the day. They used that that was the sign of like beauty. Oh, yeah You know me diabetes or whatever Rubin ask. Yeah, they were yeah, they liked it back then Yeah, the lady be laying by a stream with like an apple or something or a little ham. Well, it's always grapes, right? Yeah, all that sugar Yeah Dude, I remember we used to go to the library When I was young and we'd look at those art, you know, I'd look at the art of the drawing We'll be you a library not a museum. Oh, no, not a museum. I feel like you've never

Starting point is 00:05:14 You've never been one you've never paid ticket to go to museum Oh, I did go see body world that thing where they cut people in half, you know, and they have the bodies in there That's not a fucking museum. It's like a thing. It seems like yeah Yeah, it's like a one-man, you know, those people are Chinese all the people that they that are in there. Oh, what? Yeah, well, who's Chinese the P. You know those people in the body world exhibits where they cut the bodies You can see inside the bodies and it's all like yeah, I don't know what that is. You bring that up Let me show you these people man. Well, it's like a snuff film or no. No, it's a it's a It's like an activity, I guess

Starting point is 00:05:48 So this is body world you go. Yeah, look at the bottom right You go so that dude what you're telling me right now is that dude's Chinese. Yeah He just doesn't have any skin, bro. He You know me just cuz they don't know skin doesn't make it look Do Chinese people look like they have no skin. Look at this guy because it's yellow. I'm not saying that man Oh, you were leading to that. Yeah, but that is I think yeah, but these people they buy them out of China apparently because these are real bodies They just take some of the skin off. Oh, that's a real human being. That's not like a play thing. No, that's real

Starting point is 00:06:24 Oh, fuck dude. That's body world. You can go see it and some of them are like on horseback There's all kind of stuff. They're doing javelin. Look at that one right there with a javelin. Look at that guy You're telling me that guy. That's Chinese. Yeah, for sure And that dude is Chinese Bro, look how fucking Chinese right now dude and they sold him they sold his body to this exam I mean, it's just kind of crazy, you know Yeah, man, like there were still slaves Not that I'm a proponent of that or I support it

Starting point is 00:06:57 But what like if you could get a slave, where would you get it from? Oh? That's a good question, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean I've thought about this a lot My first instinct is Mexico Really? Yeah, I just feel like they work hard Yeah, you can be out in the sun, you know, I mean they can't be out shingles and then the bushes Oh, that's right. They just do all kinds of stuff. You know, they know how to do everything, bro But they can't be out in the sun. Okay, they have to be out there to survive Yeah, but they're also the latest immigrants really is Mexican is Mexicans are the latest like leg of immigrants

Starting point is 00:07:36 And American history so immigrants are always the ones that are out there doing whatever, right? You know, yeah, yeah, like you guys had your time. Who's they you guys? Asians Asian people in general. Yeah, what was it? When was our time you guys with those rail babies dog? Weren't y'all? Yeah, but the Irish did it too, bro. Oh, yeah Damn wonder was there beef between the Asians and the Irish I wonder no, they got along I think you have to be out in the sun like that. Yeah, do you think they drink lemonade? Oh Oh, dude, I always think if they drink a lemonade and then they after they're done with their ships The Chinese give them opium and they party dude. Don't you want to be you and I dude back in the 1700s. Oh

Starting point is 00:08:18 We worked hard on the rails Because when Asians do it we make that sound that's how they got the name You know that yeah, that's yeah, not crazy. Yeah, that's how they knew it. Yeah with the real But and then after our shift we probably like go to the fucking den and smoke opium together And our souls that's when you're so when you're high on opium and somebody else is that's when your soul's come out and mingle You think so? Yeah. Oh, yeah, man And we would just look at each other, huh? Or would you close your eyes you think I close them a little To look make it look like mine. I

Starting point is 00:09:04 Didn't say that but I mean, you know, I just want you to feel at home Yeah, but back to the um back to the the fat when the women were fat back in the day Oh, I used to go to the library. I would get the book and I would like It was whenever I like was first having those times where you would like press your wiener against something It would feel so good, you know, we like when you first started getting like a lot of feeling in your wiener like Just like when your wiener just felt like it just Just just had so much tendency in it and And I would press I would get a book and I would it would be like those drawings of the pictures of the women like Rodin

Starting point is 00:09:43 Or whatever the man's name was the artist and I mean that Rodin is a he was the artist. He was drew those women. Oh, I thought it was like the fucking a Ruben. No Godzilla's buddy Oh, oh Rodin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, whatever that guy's name is Lonnie Rodin or something. Who is it? You bring him up? And I would put in Rodin see what comes up. Just Rodin That's what comes up with the Rodin Lonnie run it just put Rodin in oh Lonnie Rodin's a brother, huh? This is a white guy. Just put Rodin in That's that Oh

Starting point is 00:10:23 That's Rodin, that's Rodin. Oh, that is it. Is that the guy? No No, do oh our rodi in bub. Oh There we go That fool look at those thick. I mean that's when bitches had whiskers So would you jerk off to the book? I would close the book on my on my wiener until I like or reached orgasm over like in in the library. Yeah Wow, can I say something I did dude? This is gonna. I don't know if I get in trouble for this, but So when I was in high school, I used to like do math

Starting point is 00:11:07 My freshman year. Yeah, and what I would do I get really horny and I would go to the library and There was these medical books. Oh, yeah, I mean like skeletons and you know or but sometimes they would have a titty or whatever Oh, yeah, yeah, like a medical titty. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah And I would sit there I would ditch class and I would sit there and I would move some of the books to the side to see because it was like a dead end My aisle was at the dead end where the medical books were and I was leaning against the wall and I would scoot to see there Was no cameras back then right? Yeah, and I would jerk off to these medical

Starting point is 00:11:38 Oh, because I couldn't afford porn back then. Oh, I didn't know where to even get it like I didn't have a car You know how do you when you're freshman? You don't know how to get it Oh, you have to drive that's back when you had to drive to poor people like children now don't understand Don't get how hard it was to see even a see it a drawing or a sketch or even somebody who'd make a little pussy in the mud You know or like a mold of you know I'm saying yeah, dude back then it was frickin If you if you saw any hole it would feel it would go you get hard. Oh, dude I remember I remember seeing like they used to have these crawfish holes pull that up crawfish houses

Starting point is 00:12:17 Crawfish houses there you go Google in on zoom in on one of those mud little things Right there dude, so these are things that crawfish live in right that looks like a dick Well find a shorter one go scroll down a little No, uh, yeah right there one there. No right there on the left up. Oh, I see now right there. No, no Oh, oh shit. That's a That's a dick dude that one's uh another dick that time of the month. No go back to right there That's a good so they have something like this would be everywhere

Starting point is 00:12:51 These are all over Louisiana and this where crawfish live in by the ditches They get the little houses and somebody wrote in good pussy next to it In the mud in the dirt. Yeah But dude, it was I mean there was nothing more There was like it was such an adventure once you were looking for I used to bicycle Probably four to five miles to get to my buddy's house his family's house. Yeah, and his dad would keep porno Under the sink. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I would go in there and tell him I was doing a number two for like an hour and a half

Starting point is 00:13:22 Really? It would take you that long to jerk No, but I would have to I would just be there was like 11 books It would take so long to get through all the information Yeah, my friend Alamedo's right. His dad was like collected porn, but he would hide it Right, but the fun was in the hunt like the beatster bunny, right? And then like one time we found like a magazine behind the serials Oh, you know what I mean? Like it was like, you know, I found it. I found it, right?

Starting point is 00:13:49 And then we would take turns going to the bathroom and jerk off It would only take like five minutes because it was like, you know, we're kids You know what I mean? Oh, those were such good times. Now you click on the fucking computer And you see donkey pussy and stuff. Oh, man. Yeah, I never seen that. Thank god But um, because there's other things you can click on, you know That's true, that's true, right? There's many options outside of animalia. Um, but the crazy thing was it used to feel like If you had the porno Then you it was your thing now when you were sitting with with pornography video with porno video

Starting point is 00:14:22 It seems like there's seven thousand other dudes watching at the same time That's the part that seems kind of gay to me if I'm if I'm looking at porno video. That's why I look at the views Really? Yeah, if it's one view, I'm okay with it. Oh, you know what I mean? But it's like four or five hundred views I feel a little weird. You know what I mean? Like I'm sharing. Oh, yeah That's it. See that would make porn real if they made you see all the people that were watching her at the same time Oh like a zoom meeting Yeah, you know what I do now is um I'll go through porn and I'll go like, you know, they'll be out like 50 boxes, right?

Starting point is 00:14:55 Oh, yeah, but then they have ratings and usually like I go to the site called team skeet You know what I mean? And they have like 95 that's a pretty good number And I'll go through and I'll jerk off to the one that has the lowest number because I feel bad Really? Yeah, like I'll go. Why is this girl 60 percent? Oh, she looks fine in the little thumbnail And I'll press it and I'll go. Yeah, I know why now. Why does she have asthma or something? Or like what are you certain? Why would somebody have 60 percent? Why would asthma be a thing? I would I feel like it would be hard for me to ejaculate if somebody's having asthma. That's that's true. That's true. That's true I can't ejaculate if somebody's having trouble breathing

Starting point is 00:15:34 No, I think the numbers are based on or the rating is based on if the how the girl performs Oh, and usually if the rating if they're hot and the rating is low, it means that they're like there's this one girl That was just literally not there. Oh, she's just going she was like doing this like Oh, man. Oh And just nothing on her face You know what I mean? Wow, like on drugs. You think or just like she had like she's just not like she does like nearsighted What or like what do you mean like on drugs or like no drugs? No, it's just it's probably like Either it's like she doesn't want to be there. She's doing it for the money. Oh, yeah, it's really sad

Starting point is 00:16:13 Yeah, maybe nearsighted Yeah, I wonder how much We're talking about I don't know you and you brought it up, but I don't know. I remember I regret donkey pussy I regret saying that. Oh, yeah, and you should yeah Yeah, I've never been around anything like that I we had a buddy that used to he would You know come and knock on the door if animals were fucking, you know It's some animals not far from us and if there was animal sex going on he'd come knock on the door

Starting point is 00:16:38 And would you go check it out this guy Frankie? Uh, I went the first time and after that I knew something's wrong with him Yeah, yeah, yeah He would always try to he had like a boomerang somebody got him like a boomerang from another country for like Christmas or something one year and australia think I don't know. I don't remember. I don't remember probably australia, man But he would always try to hit the animals that were you know, he had like a Oh, he was just out there. That was it. That's weird. I didn't like that kind of stuff, man We had people around us that would always kill chickens and do stuff like that

Starting point is 00:17:08 Do I do anyone that like? Tortures an animal hurts an animal. I just I cannot I'll hang out with them. Yeah, but I can't get real intimate. Yeah, you know, I mean, oh, yeah, I'll go bowling Yeah, I mean I'll go bowling or like, you know, I mean I would do like, uh, you know bat mitten Yeah, you know, I mean like a casual day on a sunday, right if I didn't know they torture animals But you ain't we're not gonna have dinner. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're not gonna do a three course meal I'll do a spot with them or I'll tour. Maybe would you tour with that guy? I mean, you're kind of doing a lot with them Yeah, yeah, I know but you I wouldn't hang out after the tour. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:17:42 He's like, oh, you want to go look for girls and I'll be on now. I'm gonna do my own thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I'm not gonna be in a photo with them. Yeah, no photo. Yeah. Yeah, would you like if you were like, um Um, let's suppose like you offered a movie co-lead with a guy that you just know was an animal abuser Would you do the movie? Like that guy arm. Uh, who's that guy? Armohammer. Armohammer. He was people not animals abusing people. Yeah. Well, that's what's worse people are animal I mean, I've met a lot of people. I'd say probably animals That's worse to me because they have no like people have choices Like don't burn me. Yeah, you know what I mean? But the you know me a dog can go

Starting point is 00:18:22 Cook If he knows that dog's racist, dude, I'll tell you that Yeah, that's better, right? Yeah That's an owl Right, that's a racist Yeah, oh Dude, if I if I walk by an owl and he did that I'd probably get mad, bro. You would die I

Starting point is 00:18:51 Can we say that I can say it you're but you're not even way to say it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're saying goo goo, right? I'm saying gook hard case. Oh, yeah, I'm not doing hard case. You're not doing any case You mean if the owl though went china man Then I'd be like, oh, that's Dude, dude that that's because that's not what he does right. You know, he had to force that China man china man I mean, what the fuck racist owl, bro Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 00:19:18 Oh, damn, dude. I wonder if animals do get racist. Do you think? Oh, probably man. Yeah, I like pit bulls don't like me. Really? Yeah Wonder why? I think because they like black people Yeah, is that a bad thing to say? No pit bulls love black people. They love black people. Yeah, they love women and kids But Asians, I don't think they like Asians man. Wow. Yeah Yeah, every pit bull just growls up like that. Damn. Yeah. And has it always been like that? Damn, they're really wild animals. I think the whole animal kingdom

Starting point is 00:19:58 I think if Noah's arkman by your house, it would just be a bunch of If I would imagine if I was Noah, right, I was on my ark and they were all doing that. Oh, yeah, they were Yeah, every time you turn your back, you don't know what you they think you don't know which one it is But they're animals. So it's easy to tell even the elephants are going like with their little paws. I'm doing this Like he brings his trunk up and just one eye That'd be so funny. You know what if I was I would probably just leave the boat I would just be I can't handle it. All the fucking animals are being racist You know, man, that'd be fucking terrible. You know, man, I mean, it would be something. There'll be something dude. Yeah

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Starting point is 00:23:29 Three extra months free go to express vpn.com slash theo right now to learn more I've been having this dream. Um I've been having this dream where I keep spending time with Dennis Rodman, which is crazy. Oh, that's great in north korea or I don't know where he is. I can't really tell looks like huntington beach But um, yeah, that's been kind of crazy to me. Well, because we're doing a movie together. Can we talk about that or no? Yeah, we did we did talk about um That you and I wanted to do a tour in north korea or what? Oh, I think if we toured north korea Oh, well, how do we get shim? Uh shin lim or

Starting point is 00:24:05 That's a magician. It is. Yeah. Yeah shin lim. What's the guy's name young jock? No, no, no Give me the dictator's name in north korea. John. No, just look at me. Don't google it. Go okay You know what did little john? no, no No, I know it is. Yeah young john. No, he's good. I give you the first name. Yeah kim. Oh kim young john Kim young john kim john young yeah Yeah, kim jong-un yang yang yang yang yang you're acting like those fucking it has a yawn in it Whatever it is. I know it has a yawn in it because every time I hear it I get tired

Starting point is 00:24:38 Kim jong-hyun. Yeah. Yeah. What is it kim jong-un kim jong-un? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kim jong-un So you're at you guys remember we're on set. You're like, how do we get? It's just a weird thing because we're trying to like do scenes and feel fucking ask bizarre questions like How do we go to north korea and get kim jong-un to like us? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and I'm like, dude, can we do the scene bro? But we shouldn't do the scene because we need to go to kim jong-un. I know dude Bro, what imagine if we've rolled up there, but how do we get him here? I'll make a plea right now Mr. Roon are on mr. Roon

Starting point is 00:25:10 um My name's theo. That's my friend bobby And we want to say that we are proud of you Ease up. All right. Yeah. Yeah, you're an american bro. Ease up. Sorry. We want to say that We know a lot. We know about you and You've got a lot of fans here You have great hair. Love the hair a lot. It reminds me of like a strong haircut. Yeah. Yeah and talk about militario

Starting point is 00:25:38 Um, oh and you got beautiful, uh, like a like you got cheeks for days dog. Yeah, man You got cheeks for days. You got them little uh, yeah, you got them fucking frisky jowls boy. Yeah. Yeah, you know Just like a damn little damn panda that's just had a couple sugar pieces. Yeah, you probably have a cute penis Oh No, well, I don't want to end up seeing it if we go, but I'll take a peek. Yeah. Yeah, we'll take a peek. It probably looks like a minion Right, right You're a man. Yeah, that'd be cool dude, right? Yeah, if you pulled it out and it fucking did that With the little goggles, bro, he put we get them goggles and a little fucking like overalls and we'll put on this dick

Starting point is 00:26:13 Yeah, we want you to have a minion party and we want to come to it Yeah, we would like to be ambassadors from North Korea to America and what we would do is what what we would bring we would bring, um Some of your dvd will bring a lot of cool magazines and stuff that you guys don't have dvds Ebony, I bet you they don't have ebony dude or jet. Yeah. Yeah, dude. We got ebony jet They don't get it there. We'll bring pictures of black friends that we have. Yeah. Yeah, like who uh Uh Donna Rawlings

Starting point is 00:26:45 Yeah, Donna Rawlings Ian Edwards Ian Edwards. Yeah, and even uh, we'll bring We'll bring whatever you want, but you invite us and we're your guys. Yeah, and we'll we work Huh, would we work? I think we're only gonna stay for like a week. I think but what would that be like though? I think it'd be sucky, dude You think yeah, because it's like first of all the food imagine the food It's campy good. He's a emperor Yeah, he's not gonna be like oh come eat my food. Yeah, he will. No, he won't He's not gonna come into my belly eat my food. You're not gonna do that. You think he's gonna make us go somewhere else

Starting point is 00:27:19 No, he'll probably go you stay hotel We send you know food Right, and then we're gonna eat like cat meat or what the fuck do they have there? I don't know You know what I found out though. Don't check this out. This is a fact I think I bet they have like Marie calendars or something, right? What do they have in north korea a chain restaurant? There's no chain restaurant in korea, dude They're We love what you can pop by No, they don't have fucking Marie calendar. They do they got there's no way they have it there, dude

Starting point is 00:27:46 You don't think they have a micky ebb. Yeah. Yeah, we like the micky ebb Is that a mcdonald's in north korea? I think it's like their version, but you're right. They don't have like fast food They don't have fast food. They're no corporations go there. What yeah, dude. I found imagine the home cooking It's all home cooking bro. I I want to say a couple of things about things. I know about north korea. No, but check it out, dude number one meat is hard to come by Right and sometimes they eat people That's sad, right

Starting point is 00:28:16 And then the second thing is did you know that they have factories there? They only make crystal meth Jesus and you know what they you know what they give the workers their compensation Well, I'd like boxing gloves. No, have you seen that meth boxing? No, no, no, they gave them more meth Oh as they're like work compensation So that which is smart because it's like they just make keep some working And then what they do is they they they take all this crystal meth

Starting point is 00:28:48 They put them on these boats and then they go the philippines and then to these dogs and they you know, they and then you know It's shipped to black markets and you know The country is black markets Like what do you mean? What do you mean like black? I mean like Oh, yeah, I'm not. Oh, no. I'm not saying this. No. I see what you're saying But you think that it's like at a vauns in Compton. You mean like fam dollar

Starting point is 00:29:15 No, no, no black market is the thing where it's like, you know, I mean, um I don't even know how to explain it. It's like underground Marketplace Oh, okay. Yeah, like a dark alley or something Maybe it could involve that, you know, I mean, but like, you know, human trafficking is in the black market Oh, damn. Damn, you know, man But I guess if yeah, I guess if I'm being if I'm human trafficking or being human trafficked, I would probably want to have meth Yeah, what if if you were with kim jong-un though

Starting point is 00:29:44 And he said honestly, he goes you both are gonna die Unless you suck it Who who'd go first? Oh, let me think for one second I would go first Bro, I'm volunteering What? Because I dude, I can't have the dude not up. I can't have him anywhere around me. I heard he nuts early, dude

Starting point is 00:30:10 They shoot those missiles at any hour for no reason. Oh, you think he would you think I would go first and he would not And then you look at you and go no need You mean he did the You know how angry I'd be I would just be like what the fuck, you know what I mean? I imagine God damn, I did too good. I did ball work or whatever. You'd be like a little squirrel, dude Well, I'm just saying boy if you catching that damn John is not out there Out in no-co, bro. Yeah. Yeah, that's but bro if you took that semen and saved it inside of you, that would be our movie

Starting point is 00:30:46 What do you mean? You get kim jong-un seed And I had this hold it in my mouth. Yes, because we have to get it out of the country Bro, how long it seems like a couple of days Look bro, bro. It seems like a couple of days. We have to have a plot dude. You have to have at least like yeah I mean enough to have a good like story arc. All right. How about this? I'll keep it in my mouth But I'll give you three hours to out. I can only keep it in my mouth for three hours. I think oh come on Do I have to breathe, huh?

Starting point is 00:31:15 Well, we can uh, we could get you one of those oxygen tanks Oh, you what do you mean? Huh? Yeah. Yeah, one of those like just a little and we'll uh with the on the little stroller You stick the things in the the oxygen tubes and then you You take electrical tape and just zip my mouth shut. Well, we can't make sure you have to we also have to Kind of pinch your throat, so you don't swap because dude if we get that bro Oh, oh, oh, imagine dude do it. We're on the truck and it we hit it. I saw all of it accidentally Oh my imagine you hit a bump I'll be so fucking mad at you

Starting point is 00:31:47 Then we'd have to get it out of your stomach, dude That's this whole thing is the movie because if we get that dna Then we can create another one of him. Why would we want to do that? Let's create a daniel de kim or a gemio yang I mean I don't know because I think then you send that one there to Make him We have his son and it's like this is your son and he wants peace

Starting point is 00:32:10 Wow We would have to grow that one fast though. We could do it See what you're saying to me is okay. Let's just do the scenario take it over to elan bust He'll grow it right we go to his palace. Okay do the introductions, right now first the first two days We get there we're gonna have to party our balls off dude, so we're gonna lose our sobriety We're gonna have to wear like robes and stuff probably All the way I would lose my sobriety for that I would

Starting point is 00:32:33 Are there like yeah, there's so many different scenarios. There's like 10 scenarios where I would lose it and that's one of them That's one. Yeah. Yeah, it would be sucky though. I would feel so sad parting with you in north korea But we'd bring a big book with us and do a meeting every now and then But we're drunk Yeah, but we tried yeah Okay, so we're there. We're parting for two days. Oh, yeah We're wearing robes dude and everybody's and look dude none. We don't know what anybody's talking about right look They keep talking to me and I pointed you to translating. You don't know what they're talking about. Yeah

Starting point is 00:33:04 Yeah, yeah, then we go to the thing that now do we volunteer blowing him or does it we wait for him to I'm not gonna bring it up Yeah, I'm gonna either I'm not gonna bring it up, but uh, what do I do? It's part of the movie I think you got to know it's common. No, I'll do this Just keep your mouth open a lot a little bit. I would like we're having like a coffee with them Not full on but just you're just subtly, you know, I mean you look I love your palace and I go Yeah, right Yeah, but I feel something down below. Yeah, and I keep going right. Yeah, sometimes I'll do this

Starting point is 00:33:43 I bet he's got that little pickled corn thing bring up one of those Pickled corns You know what I'm talking about. Oh man that little thing that they put some time in a damn drink or something at a fancy place right there third row six pitcher Sets fifth Oh, baby pickled corn. Oh, wow. That's six. Wow. That's what it is. Yeah, dude Do you think that's what it looks like? I think he's got that dirty little amberjack on him. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude

Starting point is 00:34:16 So then he'd go after dinner coffee. He'd go like, okay, you both blow who go first I I would volunteer. Well, I think we'd have to draw. So we have to do something to make it so then that's part of the movie Where it's like, how's it gonna happen? Oh, we have that like competition. Yeah, something We'll do a montage of competitions. Okay. You know what I mean? We're picking straws or sticks or you know the thing like a dick cathol on yeah Yeah, and then we cut to work on a track and we're running. Yeah, you know cut to we're like, you know, I mean Doing hurdle just one. Yeah doing one hurdle. Yeah. Yeah, and then I lose obviously and then we cut to I'm blowing them. I pep talk you but you're in the corner. I can't do it within the room

Starting point is 00:34:55 What if I hide behind him? I'll be able to see you Dude, imagine dude. It's like enough pressure It's humiliating for me. I'm sorry man. Uh, what if I'm trying to think where I could be I'll give you I'll tell you where you're gonna, but if I'm not in the room, I kind of believe it that it happened Oh, that's true. Okay I'll let you be in the corner of the room on a chair. Yeah, and I wear something different. You won't even know it's me Yeah, yeah, how about this you put a sheet over and you're like, we'll cut out the hole

Starting point is 00:35:21 No, because I want to hold KKK vibe Uh, that'd be weird. But if it helps you man, I'll do it. It'll help me. It'll help me then I'll do it Right, right. So then I do it. I hold in my mouth, right? And I go then you have to talk from now on. Oh, yeah, I cannot talk from now on. Yes. Yeah. Yeah It's like see no evil here. No evil bring that up Oh Give me the gene wilder, uh, richer prior movie. Yeah Bring it up right there. Just click on it. Yeah, click on it, dude. I love that movie, dude

Starting point is 00:35:53 Yeah, one of them is blind one of them's deaf, right? Just click on there. We go. Yeah. Yeah There we go right there. Yeah one of them is blind and one of them is deaf, right? So, um, god, it was a good movie. I love that movie. So, um I'm holding in my mouth. You're doing all the talking, right? And now I got to get us out of there, right? And he goes, it's bedtime. It's bedtime boys. So now we have to go and he wants us to sleep in his bed, right? No Because we got to sneak out of there. Ah Okay, okay. So we got to sneak out. How about this? How about this? All right?

Starting point is 00:36:24 I get a Bill Cosby pill. Okay, you know what I mean? Because I know a guy. All right That has a fucking is mad. I can get into his medicine cabinet. Okay. He has these purple pills, right? Yeah Oh, you put one of these Cosby pills in his drink. Okay, because I need I can't have him like Yeah, but I can't have him like I'm not tired. I'm gonna watch you and me. Yeah movies on my iPad Yeah, he probably will too. I bet he was a diaper too. Yeah, I'm sitting there just hoarding hoarding, right? Oh, so I we got to get that guy out Right, right. So you have the if you don't do that. I'll be so mad. I'll sing them. I'll be like hush little baby Don't say a word

Starting point is 00:37:03 He said in Korean We sneak out Do you have a plane ready? Do you have a plane ready? Huh? Why can't I just do let me just can I just have a plane ready? Yeah, let me ask you something. Yeah, go on Why can't I just go put it in my mouth? Go I got to go to the bathroom and spit it into a jar Or like a little receptacle. Why do I have to keep it in my mouth?

Starting point is 00:37:28 Because you have to keep it in a condition where it would actually be able to live I know but what if I have like I could probably go to Elon Musk or somebody and go Can you make me a fucking cum receptacle for Kim Jong-un? That's gonna keep the cum alive I guess I just don't understand why I have to keep it in my mouth the whole time I don't know why I had to blow the dude That's true. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point But since you did I did I should keep it in my mouth. We gotta make a movie about it

Starting point is 00:37:56 All right, so then we got to get you out of the country. Oh, here's how you do it It don't they not eat pork or something. Can you google that up? No, they eat pork, dude What animal don't they eat? We can disguise or every animal There's not an animal. They don't eat because we could disguise you as that animal, right? Oh, I see Well, you can disguise me as like Pandas have hacky. How about a red panda? Oh, because they're extinct, right? No, there's a couple around. So yeah, so you would be like an endangered species. Yeah. Yeah a red panda Yeah, right. And so I'm wearing the outfit. I still have it in my cheeks, right, right?

Starting point is 00:38:32 And I'm like I can't communicate and you're gonna be losing weight too because you're not gonna be eating For how long do I have it in my mouth? I mean, it's as can you take at least about me 72 hours to get to the border You definitely have to keep you you can definitely have to Well, yeah, we're gonna have to do a lot and you can't make me laugh. Oh, that's true. You can't make me laugh You can't no emotion. Okay. It's just focus. Yeah. Yeah, I get in the thing locked in like Jordan Peterson Just like yeah, Jordan Peter. Yeah, we'll listen to Jordan Peterson on tape. That'll motivate me. Yeah, and Rom Doss Oh, I like Rom Doss. You know what I mean? More spiritual. Just keep expanding Yeah, I like Rom Doss. Yeah, he's good, right?

Starting point is 00:39:13 And then we get to the border then I could spit it out. We have scientists on the other side Oh, they're waiting. Oh, they're waiting. I spit it out. Mm-hmm. And I need listerine I don't know if they have that in South Korea. They have listerine. They have they have some some form of that 100% okay. Yeah, they they fucking clear their mouths there. Okay. Cool. All right. Yeah So you got listerine now you're cleaned out and you're back, right? And now we come back to America and we are heroes, dude And now we have to raise him in the sequel I know in the sequel we raise them but we have to raise them fast because you're saying that we have to replace

Starting point is 00:39:43 a grown We got to grow ours To replace him. We can't have a kid go up there and replace them Right. So we have something we have to put fertilizer. I don't know how they do it. We got to grow them fast Yeah, we had to go. How do we grow them fast? I don't know rice balls. I don't know I don't know. I don't know what you mean. Maybe a lot of rice balls. I don't know I've seen people that eat a lot of rice crispy treats, dude I mean, they're just I think I think the movie needs work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right

Starting point is 00:40:10 We put Liam Neeson in it So close, dude. We're so close with a fucking great movie. Oh, yeah, we just need a little you know Yeah, dude, fuck. That's all right. We got time to think about it. How do you think this movie is doing that? You and I are doing I think it's interesting, man I mean, first of all, it's been interesting to do A movie for me and I wasn't gonna do it unless you did it Which is kind of going down to the wire, huh? I know we were calling each other like every five minutes going Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna do it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know

Starting point is 00:40:37 And we're doing it. I just feel like it's it feel like it's right the cast is right And I just feel you know what I'm proud of you because you're killing it. Oh, thanks. You really are Thanks, and I um Obviously because you haven't done a lot of movies, right? Yeah, so there was a kind of like what is he gonna do? but you're like being real being very funny and um I think this will be good man. You do. Oh, yeah, if it sucks It's dude. I saw that fucking last take what Johnny did and I watched the camera It looks so cinematic. Really? Oh my god. It looks so good

Starting point is 00:41:08 Dude, your character's so crazy yours is too Why is my character crazy? I mean he just like He's just weird. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's been through so much though. I know but yeah, dude. I think um That scene with the chicken wings is hilarious. So ridiculous. I watched from that uh editor thing or whatever Where like you're chasing the guy and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I will see what happens, man but yeah, man, I think Yeah, it was so funny because on Friday we'd be like, oh, let's talk about money I see if we want to do it and then on Monday one Monday. We're like, oh, we're not doing it, dude

Starting point is 00:41:46 And then next Monday like we're in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird I just feel like it was like kind of meant to be I don't know I like the guy lies. Yep, and it's about a sober living Lodge is the director and he wrote it. It's fun, man. Look, it's fun And I'm glad I get to try and just learn it around you because it's like, you know You wouldn't let me mess up if I was really doing bad. No, and Johnny Knoxville's in it. Moe Amar It's interesting. Yeah. Moe Amar. Who else?

Starting point is 00:42:17 Um, oh gator gator is cool. Yeah gator is crazy. Is it like dumbfounded? Yeah. Yeah Who's better looking me or dumbfounded? Oh, I don't know Probably him I think It hurts Does it really a little bit, but you know what in a different way you're better looking more in like a historical way Old I wouldn't say old I would say

Starting point is 00:42:47 You're very like I feel like you have that look that has been through time Yeah, that just because I'll tell you why we went to club last night after the store Did y'all he goes let's go to this Korean club. You guys went. Yeah, I went And do y'all always do that? What is it like? What's it like when you see another Korean? Dude, you should have gone. They would have loved you there But if you see another Korean, do you know immediately that they're Korean? What do you mean like do you know

Starting point is 00:43:15 Well, he has a friend that looks Filipino. So sometimes you don't know you mean he's he had like, you know, I mean Monkey eyes. Oh, he had all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he had the Filipino round eyes Oh, I mean they were bulging out you got you guys got those crescents, baby Yeah, we have crescents, right? So him I was like, you're Korean. He's like, I am and I go, wow, that was shocking But look good. I'm not saying I'm not making fun of him. I look handsome. You know, I mean, but I went to the club and there was this Guy who that day had performed her for the 60,000 people and his name is Jay Park. He's like this huge Korean Rapper singer. Wow, right. So I was there at his table, right? He's a huge fan. I don't know why He's back in like when he was everybody loves you when he was a kid. He watched mad tv or whatever it might be

Starting point is 00:43:58 But so I hung out with the table, but I realized that night. Yeah, I'm never gonna get late again Really? Yeah, because that women they don't look at me They think that I'm like they're accountant Really? I'm being real dude an accountant wear dude on like a shipping dock or something Like a wooden what do you like a wooden shipping dock? No, like I I'm a accountant for like, you know, um bungee the you know gaming company for what like a kind of I feel like it would be like Hey, kind of like What do you mean you would be accountant for like sex trafficking or something?

Starting point is 00:44:32 Yeah, but still an accountant nonetheless. That's true. That's true. But they look at me like like not in in a viable way Oh, yeah, they look like, you know, oh, no, not you. You know, I mean, I just kind of feel it So it's like I might be alone for a while, bro I'm happy about it. I don't I don't give a shit But did you show up because here's sometimes this can happen to you show up to a thing It's like a night. It's like a festival not festive night People are excited and you show up with kind of like this I get scared in those type environments kind of and I show up with a lower energy

Starting point is 00:45:03 And so then I I seem like the weird guy, you know, I think yeah I do have a weird because I can't do by Bobby Lee My Bobby Lee isms in a club environment, you know, I mean because it's loud people are walking around So I'm just kind of like, you know, I mean like fighting my nails and I'm in the corner I'm in the table. I'm like where I'm at the table where everyone wants to be right Finally, I get to the table, but now I'm like the dad. Yeah, you know, I mean So I'm just sitting there and you know, all these girls wanted to take photos with Jay Park, right and dumbfounded, right And everyone's so a dude. It's always a dude some older Korean dude. I'm a big fan

Starting point is 00:45:36 Oh, right to me and I'm like, oh god, you have addicted. Oh my god. This is so sad. You know, I mean, yeah Yeah, but it's like and they're older and what are they wearing usually? khakis Oh golf shirt khakis golf shirt, right? Oh Perm You know, Korean's perm their hair. Yeah, Korean dudes perm their hair. Pull it up Rodney. Yeah Korean perm Yeah, Korean guys perm their hair. Oh, all my uncles did it. They all got their perm

Starting point is 00:46:05 Yeah, because they didn't want to they don't like the straight A's Korean guys Korean male perm do male Wow, like that dude down there In Korean a lot of Korean women look deceased. Don't they in the skin tone? What do you mean? They have a very deceased looking tone on them like that guy right down there in the third row Who is he? You had the red-headed kid like right there. Oh to the left one more Yeah, anyway, that guy right there. Yeah that like old Korean dudes do that too

Starting point is 00:46:41 Like jack hollow. Yeah, they want to like, you know, I mean, yeah, they want to look different. You know, I mean What they do, huh? Yeah, when it's like you could you ever go to a Korean spa? We have straight pubes Really? Yeah, it's like your dick isn't shocked. Oh my god. It's like, ah, you know, I mean and the hairs come out Yeah, yeah, they don't really like if I plucked one out right now, you wouldn't think that that was from my fucking genitalia era Oh my god. Well yours curl. Yeah mine curl mine kind of seem I mean they seem anxious. I feel like but they're curled. Yeah. Yeah most amount of curl apart from sheer anxiety probably But um, you don't shave yours. Huh? I trim mine down now. Can I just show you? Huh? Yeah

Starting point is 00:47:23 Oh, wow. Yeah Damn brother, it's pure acne bro. Damn. Oh, I thought that was the penis No, dude, I rock harder than that. Oh, thank god, dude. I would kill myself. That was my Would you kill yourself? I mean, is it pretty big sit? Yeah Yeah, yeah, dude if I had like that little red bump as my penis. Oh, I forget it. I'd be a monk What's the smallest of penis can be? Can you bring that up for me brother bear? What's a small they can be pretty small, bro? Yeah, do adult mail to adult mail. Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 00:48:08 For the images smallest penis in study about 1.6 good images. Yeah, let's go to images. I'll see if they'll give us anything Okay, nothing nothing You know what's better put in micro penis Really? Yeah, I've done Google it before why oh my god. Look at that dude. What look at that little one right there Yeah, that that Wow, bro Would you kill yourself zoom in on that, huh? Would you kill yourself?

Starting point is 00:48:37 Okay, wow Oh poor guy, right can you zoom a little more? Wow, look at that. Wow, it looks like a just like a boy It looks like it has a little two eyes a little face on top. It looks like a boiled peanut It doesn't it looks like a boiled peanut dude. Oh my gosh. Oh my god I imagine that would be nice though is you could probably play with yourself and nobody would even know Yeah, well you would you would just rub it like a clip Yeah, you know what I mean like you could that's how you jerk out. You just rub it like that

Starting point is 00:49:11 Yeah, you have to have you know to get a woman With that penis you would have to be Jeff Bezos Yeah, that's what you would have to offer. I'll give you a mansion and a yacht because this is nothing You'd have to be Elon Bezos Right, what do you think about that Zach that wiener? Uh, it's a tough life for sure. It's a pretty tough life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry for the other image. That was an accident It's okay, man. It's dangerous. You understand. It's dangerous ground that google search. So yeah, yeah You know what I would do. You know what I would do if that I would I would

Starting point is 00:49:49 I'll transition you would oh, yeah I would forget it. I would just turn that into a badge. Oh, that's a great idea. And then you'd have the nicest little vagina Like yeah, it would be nice I would all you would have to do is because usually what they do when they do the transition, right Is they take a penis they cut it and have and they tuck all the penis and everything inside the body Right, but with that I wouldn't do that. I would just keep it as is Yeah, and just build the vagina around it and that would be my clit Wow

Starting point is 00:50:22 You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I just imagining it almost sounds like a very It sounds like a delicacy, you know Yeah Dude new man, but yeah So how about this you meet a great guy, right? He's a cool guy Who huh? I'm not telling you who he is because I don't know who he is because it's just a magic It's a magic person or made up fictional. So you meet a great guy. He's really really cool um

Starting point is 00:50:50 You love him you end up falling in love with him gay love. Yeah Yeah, and then he says he's lontae Gay lontae. I want him to be de lontae jackson de lontae jackson. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So you're going. Yeah, so I'm a lotto I know what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. He's a mixed boy. He's a mixed boy. Yeah, and he gets a sex change. Do you still continue to see him? Wait, I don't get the fucking quote scenario. So what you're saying is I'm dating de lontae jackson. Mm-hmm. I'm not gay though All right, that was a test That whole thing was I know what you're saying to me is this if I was dating a black girl by the name of the lotto girl named

Starting point is 00:51:33 Delicia, okay delicia jackson And she goes i'm gonna be de lontae and i'm getting into the operation. Do you stay I would leave you would Which first of all Making a penis out of vagina is probably so difficult. Really? Yeah, because how unless they have a unless you have unlead like a Lot of vagina. Yeah, I guess you because what do you do you borrow from what fat from your leg or something? Yeah, or you have to get a lot of you have to have a lot of vagina. Wow You I mean a lot of vagina meat because they got a really janga that thing up. Yeah, they got jango it up Dang, yeah, yeah, and um, I don't know what that's gonna look like

Starting point is 00:52:08 Also, she's probably gonna take hormones and her deep voices and get deeper Yeah, or testosterone is that testosterone testosterone? Yeah, and she's gonna grow facial hair at that point. It's gonna be no You're right. All right. It's just tough because I don't know what the future holds. You're gonna like cuspense her I don't know what the future holds for you guys I know nothing. There is no future if you haven't heard already. It's smooth sack summer When you're playing in the summer sun make sure you're escaped from pubes to bum That's right. This is a summer to keep your balls cool while still looking hot with manscaped Keep your dang body looking good

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Starting point is 00:55:06 Slash th e o for up to 60% off your subscription babble language for life Yeah, dude, do you really think so because you're saying you're living a single life now Yeah Does it really bum you out or no? I'm sorry, man I just didn't know if it's tough because you said you went to that the party with the guy Yeah, I didn't go there to meet women You know, I'm trying to like I know it's hard when you get out in the world because I'm sober

Starting point is 00:55:37 So it's like usually what I do is I'll do the clubs go straight home and watch tv, right? And now I'm just like I'm 50. Do I go out and try to mingle? Right, so I went to the club. You know what I mean? Also, it's like, you know with Dumbfounded in a Korean club. You don't wait in line, right? Yeah, I went into an elevator Zipped up right to the booth. I mean it was like, you know, I mean the treatment. Oh, yeah, right? So I went up there and stuff and it's all Koreans in there Some halfies too, but mostly you'll you see one white dude always alone at the bar and what's he doing? He's Really? Yeah, and no one's talking to him like a wook. Yeah, he's a wook dude. Wow. Yeah, dude, that's the fuck

Starting point is 00:56:19 That's what the term is I never knew what the term is and we just created it. We did. Yeah, and why dude that wants to be an Asian? Oh, yeah, he's a wook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a wook at the bar. These winks. Yeah. Yeah, these winks, right? That's insane. That's insane. We're gonna go to jail. No, we're not going to jail, dude. We're not okay. No, no, no Because we're just creating terminology for the folklore. Yeah, you're right. Yeah for people, you know We're creating words, right? Oh, there's nothing yet. Some wank hanging around. Yeah, well if you're wearing a jeremy lin jersey Right, there's gotta stop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and he's got like a dragon ball z tattoo on his arm You know what I mean? Like weird, right? And he's just like there, right?

Starting point is 00:57:00 And he's got like for some reason just extra boba in his pockets Right, just a loose boba. You know how like tater tots when he just uses boba and he eats it in his pockets, right? And he's sitting there and like you obviously he likes asian women. Yeah, he wants to be asian Yeah, it's like that one white influencer who got his eyes operated on to look asian. No Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like who is that? I don't know who it was but a guy did that like he wants to He's going from white man. He's a white dude that wants to be asian and we a wook and we just created the fucking word man He's fucking Yeah, that dude

Starting point is 00:57:36 Olly london Olly london, look at him And is that is that frown? Is that or do you guys accept these types of people in Do asian people easily accept folks like this into their culture or is this considered a taboo move kind of What do you mean except like he's not going to be like You know, I mean, if we have a ping-pong tournament, he's not invited I'm just saying you got fucking ramen dola's al over here And is that

Starting point is 00:58:02 Yeah, except it or not. That's what I'm wondering. Yeah, um I don't know. I'm like if I saw that dude You know what I mean roll up in the club. I would just be like I would be scared Yeah, because he looks like fucking I didn't nicolas cage. He looks like ms He looks like ms. Uh ms. G mg k Yeah, yeah Yeah, he doesn't look uh He doesn't look asian

Starting point is 00:58:30 He doesn't look you know, he looks like a 50 year old woman who just got botox That's what she looks like right like any 50 or 60 year old woman that gets botox Yeah, go to that other picture. We're in the purple shirt down one. Yeah down two down three Down more right there purple shirt Yeah, yeah, this honestly looks like this beautiful girl named sarah that I dated one time Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that dude it's like I think his parents are very disappointed I should have been a better god her but yeah, I think her I think I don't know What leads someone to want to be so asian are they they do you think they're obsessed with the culture?

Starting point is 00:59:05 Do you think they're obsessed with the look? Yeah, people are really obsessed now like of the culture because of You know because you know korea has a really cool musical scene, you know, I mean the k-pop star Oh, yeah, it's huge. It's huge global, you know, I did a movie with this guy Henry Lau in thailand And he would one time he goes hey come to my hotel because he stayed at a different hotel And I walked over there and I saw three hundred tenths Of girls sleeping outside this hotel

Starting point is 00:59:39 No, and then when I walked toward them people would give me rice cake Right. Keep this to Henry. No, right and I go. I don't think he likes rice cakes. I think he likes pussy cakes You know, you know, it's like if you have a pussy cake You mean imagine me keeping fucking Henry Lau out rice cake What the fuck is this shit? You know what I mean? So anyway, I would bring rice cakes to him Wow, and I'd be like people just live there. Wow, right and the kind of power and I made the very big mistake Of so it was a movie I did with this guy, right? And so I get a call going. We're doing a press conference in LA So it was like I'm not kidding you a thousand kids mostly white

Starting point is 01:00:21 Right and I I kept saying backstage. I go. Can you just bring me out first? They go no, no, no, no Henry go up first. Oh Oh, right and I bet I got on my hands and knees. Yeah, I go, please Just put me up first. You got a cultural thing or what is it? You know, I because I just knew what was gonna happen Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I knew what was gonna happen if they said Bobby Lee I would get cheers Yeah, not a lot But some right and then Henry right, but that's not what happened. It went

Starting point is 01:00:53 Henry Lau And when they said Bobby Lee you couldn't hear it because of the fucking noise Oh, so I walked out and I got the residual of his claps It was fucking embarrassing, dude Damn, yeah, it was terrible. They're like, who's that accountant with Henry? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I look like like like his publicist or something Yeah, oh fucking terrible. Those people have fucking weight, man They're powerful dude. Why do Koreans? Why are they so why do they get so do they do korean? Koreans get more obsessed with pop icons than Americans do

Starting point is 01:01:29 Yeah, but they're only obsessed with pop right like Billie Eilish, you know, um Harry Styles like Clint Eastwood. They don't care. They don't know who the fuck he is. Okay. You know what I mean? They can't even say it Wow, couldn't they would go couldn't What? caught and I go Eastwood

Starting point is 01:01:48 Right, they wouldn't know. Wow. Like if you told them like who's Robert Mitchum, they would not know Who's Steve Robert Mitchum? He was like the deodorant guy. Yeah. Yeah. He was an actor for the 15th or any like any like like For instance, I've been to Korea, right? They No one knows who I am really dude. It was like being invisible like it reminded me of what it was like in high school Just like oh, no one knows me like when I walk around in LA I mean, I get recognized. Maybe it's not I don't live for it. But you're in 10 15 20 times You know what I mean? You people go love tiger belly this and that right? I don't feel as invisible, right? But in Korea, dude, they don't give a fuck about me

Starting point is 01:02:30 except for the artists Like there's this guy named jyp who was like the puff daddy of Korea He he flew me out there last time to do a music video for him. You know, I was in a music video for a band called the wonder girls Dang, yeah. Yeah, so I flew off for that. So they requested me But all the civilians they I had to wait in line. No one said hi. It was like Yeah, no, they don't go fuck. That's interesting. It feels like what it was like in high school That's such an interesting uh comparison because the whole reason I I don't want to get like but the whole reason it's like

Starting point is 01:03:04 I don't know about you but Growing up and even in my early 20s. I felt invisible You know me like I remember I I lived with this guy named calisto He was a handsome mexican dude. Oh, wow. He sounds like it. Yeah. Yeah, and we would walk into a bar And I one time a woman just walked up to him and started making out with him Oh, he didn't even say hi. My name is calisto. Nothing right and I walk in so invisible You know, I just felt like

Starting point is 01:03:34 I don't know like I didn't exist almost right and then you just kind of pursue this thing to like Like express yourself, you know, yeah this comedy thing, you know, I mean, and it's like I finally got to the point You know me where you know, I don't feel as invisible. I feel like I'm a part of the world I guess, you know, it's so sad to even think that I even need to do all this to feel that way, you know, I mean It is it makes sense though, man, especially what you're saying. It's like I can really relate to that It's like, um, did you feel invisible? Oh, man, I realized that like like my mom never like looked at me very much Or she just worked all she was gone

Starting point is 01:04:10 Um, and my dad wasn't around so yeah, I think I felt like nobody ever saw me like Man, nobody even knows nobody that I care about or anything even knows who I am. You know, yeah Like I would give anything I think as a like a child give anything for somebody to just look at me You know Like man, if somebody would have just sat and looked at me. Yeah, it's like would I even have done this job? Sometimes I think about that. No, I honestly if I had like, um Like I feel like normal parents that like listened and

Starting point is 01:04:43 It goes, how do you feel today? Or I mean, I adore you. I adore you or give me a hug or any of that, right? I don't know. I'd probably be different Yeah, I'll probably be like you and I would probably be working for You know what I mean? Amazon in the warehouse delivery guys delivery guys or something. Yeah, but we'd have a woman we'd have kids Paying mortgage It sounds horrible. Uh-huh. I don't know if it sounds horrible. It sounds hard though It sounds really hard

Starting point is 01:05:09 Especially given the way that you got like it sounds so hard for me to like get in It's like it's been so hard for me to trust like the affections of anything in the world like really, you know it's like so I always had that issue of like I used to say sometimes that I would if I if I jumped off a cliff if I heard a woman's high heels like I would find a way to get back up just to see her like Wait, no, no, no, that doesn't make any sense. So you're You're on the golden gate bit bridge, right? And you're about to jump off. Can you kill yourself? And I do jump

Starting point is 01:05:43 You do jump in midair. You see you hear high heels You do what princess leah did in that one movie and just go back to the ship I would find a way to find a way to get back up just to see if that woman would give me attention. Yeah Yeah, like I would find it's like there's something inside of me that would give anything to have And it doesn't even have to be like sex. It just has to be some sort of attention like a look or just to see if they see me Yeah, I see a girl that's saying I see you You matter

Starting point is 01:06:16 And um, I care about you Yeah, even if she says look, I don't like it, but I see you. Yeah that I see I would even accept that Yeah, I would accept that too. Yeah, like yeah, you're not my fave, but yeah I see you bucko. You know, I'm like that I can almost live with. Yeah Do you really you don't feel like you had that as a kid, huh? No, I mean I tell this story sometimes where um And this this really kind of um sums up

Starting point is 01:06:42 My childhood, um When I was eight years old, we lived in minnesota. Really? Yeah at dine on minnesota Really? Because you know what else happened up in there? Yeah, highway to heaven bro. I get it did And I lived in a dine in minnesota dover drive was my street And I remember I didn't have a lot of friends So one day I went I was like eight years old and I go Mommy daddy Could I have a pet?

Starting point is 01:07:11 And they go oh what kind you know, I go a cat So they got my cat a kitten and I remember that summer. Um, I kind of get emotional even thinking about it I named him tom because it's like I didn't know anything else tom and jerry was a thing back then so it was good Yeah, so I named him tom and I remember being in the garage Because that he wouldn't be led in the house. We got had like a little pen In the garage and I would play with them all day long for weeks And then one day I left I came home and tom was gone. I was freaking out

Starting point is 01:07:49 And my dad looks at me goes he no longer here I go what happened? I put a pound No, and I go why mommy allergic And then I started crying and they go Stop crying And then they left the garage and I remember sitting there tears There's no voice like, you know, no compromise. No, how do you feel you mean?

Starting point is 01:08:16 No, we don't reason why no reason why there's no there's I there's no voice, right? And I just had to take it I was powerless right and I just um That's like my upbringing in a nutshell like I just felt like no one heard me And so that's why I learned to act out I learned to like, you know be funny and um Um

Starting point is 01:08:40 Do shit, but it's like that's why I have seven animals now. Wow, you know, because it's like I I love, you know, I love animals so much and it's like I don't know. I just I'm just compensating for that. You know, I mean, I don't know what happened that kid method that that the cat but it's just like It just sums up like why I am the way I am I think, you know I just I get so angry even thinking about it. Oh dude, you know, man. Yeah, and when he died two years ago Fuck how long did he live for two was 80 and I loved the man. I do. I love your father my dad Oh, you mean you were thinking about the cat. I thought tom

Starting point is 01:09:21 I'm sorry That's really funny dude. I'm sorry. Yeah, my dad. Yeah, I mean when he died. I remember like Just look at my brother and my mom. They're just Balling, you know, I mean They're just on the ground rolling around, you know, I mean in tears, you know, I mean And I literally was just looking at not a tear in my eye I was numb I was like, this is fucking weird. What do I do?

Starting point is 01:09:49 So I put sunglasses on because I knew my uncles and aunts were coming in, right? Because I wanted to pretend like I was like emotional about it But it's like I didn't feel anything and I it's like I love it and I miss him But it's like I know I just have all these unresolved like feelings toward him, you know And that's I you know, it's like I I would never do that To my own child, you know, I mean Never and you also beat us and all that stuff, but it's just like I don't know man It's weird. I haven't really fully worked it out. But I mean, there's reasons why I'm so fucked up. I think, you know, I mean

Starting point is 01:10:23 Yeah, man, I'm sorry that that happened to you It's all right. I really am. No, it's like that kind of shits heartbreaking man that like stuff like that happens to kids Um Do you think because I have things like that too, man Sometimes there's like so much anger built up inside some days. I'm a lot of times I'm okay and then sometimes I'm so angry You know what I got? I finally realized the other day while I was angry. I realized because I've always had like a lot of like Anger against I think against my mother. I didn't really know my dad that good. So my mother's the only parent left

Starting point is 01:10:57 and uh I get angry sometimes because she missed out on me. That's what I feel like. Yeah, like she missed out on like Whoever I was or whatever was unique about me or not unique or whatever my feelings were like She missed out on all of it, you know Yeah, it just she's still alive, right? Yeah, she's still alive. I think I've seen photos with her. Yeah, um Do you help her like if she needs help and so? Yeah, yeah, I help her out, you know, like with I help support and stuff like that Yeah, you know, I'm grateful that my mom I think she did the best she could and I think it's like it makes me sad also that

Starting point is 01:11:33 My mom probably got treated that, you know, she only knew what she knew. It's a cyclical thing It's so it's a cyclical thing. Yeah, because my parent my parents had it worse when they grew up. Oh way fucking worse You know, I mean, I could tell you fucking crazy stories that they told me but it's like, you know, but here's the thing deal I literally still wouldn't change it for the world Because without all those past experiences, right? I wouldn't be who I am now and I think I'm pretty cool. You know, I mean, I mean, I'm a fucked up guy But it's like, you know, I honestly look in the mirror. I go, you know what dude? You I'm so proud of myself For some of the things that I persevered through, you know, I mean this business is hard

Starting point is 01:12:15 You know, I mean, there's a lot of rejection and a lot of like am I gonna make it and this is years You know now, you know, you have the internet and you know, people do tiktok videos and they do different ways to make money But when I was coming up, right, you had one way you do the clubs You become a opener feature headliner. You get tv spots. Hopefully you get a sitcom and that's pretty much it Yeah, right and it's like I Just so proud that I was like I came to LA with no money I didn't know I didn't know anybody from show business and I crawled my way to where I am now and there's You know, there's a resilience to that. I think you know, I mean, I always downplay it and I you know, and I have low self-esteem

Starting point is 01:12:53 But it's like, um, but after the day, I'm a fucking warrior. Yeah in a weird way, right? Yeah Yeah, it's like I did something because a lot of you know, people that have had my kind of upbringing They turn to drugs. They don't get sober They they perpetuate their behavior and they become shitty dads themselves or whatever it might be You know, I mean, but it's like I chose to you know Get sober frequently during my life and try to read books to help better myself To be a good guy, you know, I mean, you haven't given up

Starting point is 01:13:24 I'm not gonna give up. You never give up on yourself. Yeah. No. No, and um, the resilience of it But it's like it's a tough business and um, so I wouldn't change anything for the world. Would you? Um, let's be real because you're Theo Vaughn Yeah, I think it's why do you think it would just goes back to that one thing that it's like uh If I didn't need attention if I didn't need like I remember a lot of my high school girlfriends and stuff I kept I'm still keeping touch with their mothers. You know, what do you mean? Yeah?

Starting point is 01:13:55 Like I'm still friends with their mothers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like friends with them Yeah, like even more than I talked to the girls. It's like there was just such a pattern, you know It's like I just wonder like if I would have been yeah, I would have been different but So sometimes I think that makes me sad, but uh Uh, no, I don't think so man. I think it's probably the same for you. It's like I chose like If something in the world isn't gonna see me then I'm gonna take the hardest thing the world has supposedly which is stand-up comedy

Starting point is 01:14:25 and I'm gonna fucking Make you see me. You know, yeah, I'm gonna make you see me It's almost sometimes I think I needed everybody in the world to love me just because I wanted to get my mother to love me It's like I just figured eventually Wow, it will get back to her. Yeah, and then I'll Feel some type of way, you know, and I'm not trying to get in a self-pity either I got to be aware of that because I get in a self-pity. No. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah, but I think man You're a dude there are times people come on pick take a picture like can I get a picture with you?

Starting point is 01:14:53 And they're like, can you try and look more like Bobby Lee in the picture? They will literally want me to be like they're like, can you squint a little? Can you Can you Can you dress like you sell time shares at a carnival? They're like, can you help me? Yeah, you know, I get girls going. You are the most beloved. You're I have girls on my dms going. You're all right, but can you introduce me to Theo? Oh, yeah

Starting point is 01:15:24 And it's like everywhere I go. It's like, I don't know a single Bobby Lee fan. That isn't a huge Theo Von fan Yeah, it's like I feel like we you and I Kind of cross we're very similar in many ways. Don't you think or no? Well, I think especially in this way like even we're just talking about, you know, yeah It's like that's one thing I that I know in you is that, you know, we both have this similar A lot of issues with women. Yeah, and um Yeah, wanting to be seen and people that love us like you have so many friends, man It's like you too. And it's like, you know, um

Starting point is 01:15:58 listen I don't want to talk about the past. I'll but I just want to say that I believe I honestly, I think my life would be not as cool without you in it. I I You know watching you rise becoming friends with you and um I don't just watching you have such a unique voice and to see it blossom I just to saying that I just feel like everything happens for a reason and you're around this people certain people for a reason and it's like, um

Starting point is 01:16:27 I don't know. I just wouldn't change any of this, you know, I mean even your best friend brennan schaub, you know I mean people online are like, you know, I mean, do you hate brennan? What's going on there? Or there's like people attacking me because Of that little thing that I had on with brennan and then they you know, I mean at the end of the day It's like I love brennan. I love you. I love everyone. You know, I mean, we just had a little conflict You know, I mean, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't change any of it for the world, you know Even my breakup with kalayla. It's like, you know, it's just a part of life And you know, we broke up in the most loving way possible because I love her and she's in many ways the love of my life

Starting point is 01:17:05 You know, she really is I love her um More than I've ever loved anyone else. You know, I mean, um She's a part of my life and you know, if I If I was sick, kalayla would be the first person to be by my bedside, you know And vice versa, you know, so, um, I know I just wouldn't change it, you know, I was a little depressed earlier today, but you know, um Yeah, I still wouldn't change anything really. How about you? Honestly, man, every time I hang out with you. I feel

Starting point is 01:17:35 I feel lucky. Let's don't be this. That's what I feel. I honestly dick sucking fast Uh, you already blew a fucking emperor dude for no reason If all we're doing now is Yeah, if we're if we've not done a verbal blow job that at least we're doing better But no, man, every time around y'all feel lucky to be around. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool And I think the world and I think this we should get this is a good opportunity to force fox Yeah, fucking fox by a fox. Okay. So I want to let people know Theo and I and this let's just talk about this real quick. Okay. All right

Starting point is 01:18:06 So we get a call what a year ago. Yeah We Theo and I separately get a call a year ago From fox the network fox the network, right? And they're like the president of fox Yeah, our huge bobby lithio von fan and he would like to see both of us Together on a tv show and we're like, whatever. We don't you know, I mean, we don't even know if it's real or not But one day we have to zoom with him Yeah, one day we got to zoom with the man with the man and other women too And great women nice people everybody very nice people. Yeah. Yeah the best but

Starting point is 01:18:41 I remember 10 minutes before the pitch we called each other and we're like What are we gonna? That's our idea. What's our idea and we came up with it. Yeah, we came up with two in 10 minutes. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah And then we think Oh, this is not gonna work, but we went in to zoom And we pitched it and they liked really liked one of them. Yeah, and they gave us They gave us a deal. Yeah, they gave us a deal to be detectives detectives and we um, but the deal hasn't closed We don't know what the fuck is going on. It's been eight months. It's been eight months. We want to get going on it

Starting point is 01:19:16 Yeah, right, or we will all we'll take it somewhere else. Yeah, so fox either get it or not get it or not get it Yeah, yeah, and I'm serious. Let's fucking seal this fucking thing Yeah, because we don't want to do it because it's someplace we want to do it because we want to do something together Yeah, you know, yeah, we want to do something together. You know, man And if a place supports us then that's awesome and we'll support them I think I do feel a little unsupported that it's taking this long. It's not this is the way these things work That's why I don't do that kind of shit. But I would with you though Well, I mean I

Starting point is 01:19:48 Of the whole reason why we're doing it because we want to go to hawaii. Yeah, that's true So our whole thing was this we're like whatever it is. We just make it hawaii And why? Right because I just imagine like even if it's shitty, right? We're in fucking hawaii. You know what I mean? And then you and I could pod there whatever you know what I mean? But like, you know hawaii definitely, you know what I mean? Yeah two single guys in hawaii with a tv show Oh, oh my god crying at night in a meeting. Yeah. Yeah eating katsu all night and fucking, you know what I mean? Whoa, no cat for me

Starting point is 01:20:21 Okay, we're not Different because it's different. Yeah, sure it is dude. Doesn't sound Doesn't sound super different, man. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That's shit with brennan. That was fucking crazy That was like the worst game of clue I'd ever seen in the world Dude when you guys did that thing, it's like he had like these The files and the fault and you guys had like missing people in the fucking game There was some guy beating kids on reddit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do you I can't even get into my reddit How do you beat kids on there like the whole that was the fucking the whole thing was unbelievable

Starting point is 01:20:53 The whole thing was unbelievable and I was just like, you know, I don't I don't want this shit to be fucking happening But it was pretty hard I know it was pretty retarded. Yeah, the whole it was I mean the things they were saying was like I had I wouldn't even I didn't even know what the fuck they were talking about. I was like What reddit and what's going on? You know what I mean? And they got the you're the one I'm the one one. You know, I mean, I don't have a computer And then it's like I remember like here's the funny thing Brendan doesn't own a computer

Starting point is 01:21:26 I know I know he doesn't know a computer. He doesn't and then I remember delia calling me and going delia goes You don't own a computer and I go I know Right. He doesn't know that yet. He thinks I'm I don't even know how to log into anything. You know, I mean anyway You know me and I saw him I've seen a couple times and I've been very cordial, you know, I mean I hopefully You know, maybe we can do this, you know, I mean and get back but oh, you know take a while I think Oh, I think you guys I mean it's I'd never heard him have any animosity. I don't think he ever does

Starting point is 01:21:55 Yeah, yeah, Brendan never really does have any animosity towards anybody. Yeah, yeah Um, which is crazy to think that he came from a fighting world where they had that so much animosity that's something that's always interesting about him, but um He's one of the hardest workers that I know, but that whole thing was just fucking absolutely retarded I'm like is everybody retarded now. It's like it's like it was like the game of clue though It was like somebody did it in the fucking yeah in a mop closet with a bad server. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I didn't even know, you know Yeah, it was also like I was at the time when they made the calls

Starting point is 01:22:27 I was on set shooting something in Oklahoma. It was like it really just the timing was really weird And it's like, uh, whenever somebody's like, you know, accuse me of something I didn't do, right? It feels like traumatic almost like because it's like The way they were talking, you know, I mean, it's like, you know, they were like, you know I wouldn't bullies the wrong word, but they were just really adamant about it And they had a lot of feelings behind it. Well, they believed it. I don't think I think these kind of maybe still do I don't know. I don't think they was making it up. I think you think they still believe it I don't know

Starting point is 01:23:01 I don't know. I feel like they still believe it. Brendan. I haven't really spoken about it much Yeah, I try not to talk about either, but I don't know, but I thought the whole thing was just Holy, I mean, it was but it was interesting too. It's all it's all like the world is just a it's all this It's all this crazy Just drama of this play and we're just taking Different paths through it. It was fucking pretty cool. But you know, but you know what? I kind of I would not change that either because it's like, you know No, we've been really lucky. So lucky. Yeah, we're really lucky as a fuck and it's funny because sometimes I used to think man

Starting point is 01:23:33 It's sometimes it's like I was like, man, if I laughed more as a human Then I would be out in the crowd enjoying the show sometimes I want to be the guy in the crowd just having a good time But I felt like I never even could be that guy. So I had to be the other guy Yeah, yeah, you're right. Like when I'm in a show, are you having a good time? I'm sometimes I am but I look at the people in the crowd and be like, oh man I wish I had like the patience and the the just ability to sit and be

Starting point is 01:24:04 Just like enjoy something from someone like I sometimes I don't I struggle with that. I think or I don't know Sometimes I'm envious of the people in the audience having a good time. Yeah I definitely have to force myself into doing things because I'm trying to like Because I really want to change that about myself. You know what I mean? Because generally I don't even show up to anything. I see you working on a man You've been doing a lot of podcasts. You're staying busy. You did the movie. You're staying a lot not only that I've been going to like Like premieres this like, you know, I mean like I've like I've been invited to premieres

Starting point is 01:24:36 I've not gone to a single fucking one, bro I just I don't want to sit there. I don't know what to say around the people Yeah, you get nervous but you get anxious. I get so anxious and then it's like but what I've been doing that To do this has been working for me, dude. The last two years what I've been doing is Because usually like when I'm like on A set I go In my head, I go they know They know I'm not talented or I go I don't want to talk to the

Starting point is 01:25:03 Producers of the director because I don't want to burn any bridges. You know what I mean? Or if I feel uncomfortable, I'm not gonna say but I've done the reverse now I've gone up to them. I go. What do you think of this? This is my ideas. I become friends with them I treat them like anyone else like a fucking comic or whatever, right? It's gotten so much better for me Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Now I feel way more relaxed. I feel a part of the process dude when I did fucking herald and kumar Mm-hmm This is 20 years ago, dude I had never taken an acting class bro, right and all of a sudden I'm being flown to toronto

Starting point is 01:25:37 And I'm on set and there's this I've never seen cameras like that before And I had some lines you know me some chunky things I had to say And I remember I spent three days in my hotel room Writing every single word down Backwards and forwards so I wouldn't forget and then when I was on the set. I remember I didn't talk to anybody and I was petrified I couldn't breathe and they would go action and I would just do it You know what I mean? And then like I wouldn't ask, you know, is that right? Should I do it again? You know what I mean? I just was not even there. I wasn't even present. That's like meter and sex. I feel like

Starting point is 01:26:11 They say action and I just do it real fast How long do you last? Oh man. No be real. Oh Oh I would say probably Four minutes Wow, is that enough that's not enough four minutes Maybe five maybe five. What time of year is it? Oh, it depends if it's colder out. I'll stay in there Yeah, what you do is this my move you go. I'm about to come I'm about to come and you pull out

Starting point is 01:26:48 Yeah, right and you you know what they call that They call it edging Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah when you're about to come and you don't do it so you're on the edge Oh, and then what do you do then you you pull your neighbors? You pull out right and you go to the bathroom you wash your face You let it go down a little bit and you come back for the second round

Starting point is 01:27:10 And what are they doing the whole time there? Do you put the tv on or something? No, but let me have the kindle remember reading something. I don't know, you know But like I I don't I don't think I have a candle No, but you what you do is you say you be honest in the six years. I'm about to come I don't want to come yet You pull out I wouldn't you just go to the edge of the bed and just give me a second and you go back in and then You know me go to round two my point is is that you don't have you have the you have the opportunity to stop Yeah, or is it when you're in there? You just have to keep going

Starting point is 01:27:38 I feel like I'm like those Thai miners or whatever they couldn't get out, you know It'll be the soccer team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the Chilean Chilean miners who yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean them boys You got to respect them, dude. I know, you know, they stayed in there. I know I would have died you think dude If I was that Thai soccer team And I was in a mountain like in the fucking Caverns with water and stuff and imagine you're claustrophobic. Okay. It's dark and now what I would probably take you be the leader You tell me and I'm gonna everybody else is kind of sleeping or they're sick from the gas. All right

Starting point is 01:28:13 There's no gas. You tap me on the shoulder. There's no gas. Huh? Why is there gas? There's methane gas in the bottom Oh, there is. Let's see it. Look at them. Look at them. Pick out which ones we will be All right, dude, let's zoom in on these boys. All right. Yeah. Oh, that's you on the right Zoom in on that one on the far right. Oh Yeah, that's me down Oh, but you know what I would be like. I wouldn't even be like that. Do you ever see Rambo too? Rambo too Yes Rambo too and remember he hid in the cliff

Starting point is 01:28:46 Right the soldier walked by and his eyes popped out. You thought it was a part of the I would be like a part of the cliff Okay, well, we got to go. We got to get out of the cliff right and I would probably undo myself No, go see if you undo me right and you would like scratch off the sand all off the sand and dirt Okay, so you're hiding even though it's just us down Now I'm number 20 down over here the guy that looks a little bit scared, but he's gonna come through in the end Right there right there. You're that guy. Yeah, let me see him zoom in on him a little bit Let's let these boys live a little gang. No, no, no, no, that's us too in the back Okay, let's see that don't know so I'm back of that those two right there. Oh, we're holding each other, dude

Starting point is 01:29:23 Okay, right. I'm the guy in the front. You're holding me in the back. Okay, right and then we're like We're Asians. So what do we desire and what pervert took this picture and probably sold it online immediately? He would have there was a whatever there's a pedophile that went down there Dude, I used to work at a summer camp this man would take pictures of us every day, right? I got a new job as a Security advisor or whatever counselor. Yeah, and so I'm out there with my crew of kids five and six years old We swim every day this man's taking pictures this guy. Mr. Bill. I'm talking to him and stuff So I go get paid on friday and I said man, when what is mr. Bill?

Starting point is 01:30:00 When do we get to see though any of those pictures and like who the fuck's mr. Bill and I'm like the guy that's taking pictures of us at the pool every day and they're like, we don't have any Really Wow So you think he was jerking off to your photo we're all down there posing with the pictures and Are you being real? Yeah, we had no idea. Yeah. Okay. So that's you and me. We're in the cave. How do we get out? Well, we you wake me up. I'm sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. Hey tango Is that your name in it? Yes. Yeah. What's my name, huh?

Starting point is 01:30:34 Uh ramrock Tango and ramrock. Yeah tango get up. Yes. Yeah. What are we gonna do? Oh ramrock. I don't know Um, I was sleeping. Uh, okay. Go back Right and then what I would do is I would I would test the water Okay Every hour I would go I dunked my head in to the what because what happened was they swam, right? Right, and then the and then like a swell came in and filled all that out and they couldn't get back, right? So I would test don't tell me what happens. I don't know what happens

Starting point is 01:31:08 What do you mean? Don't tell me what happens with them. I I know there's a duck. I just like I want to read it Or whatever when we get out of here But keep going I don't know what the fuck happened to them. Okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know the conclusion. I know they lived Oh, fuck You didn't think they lived Yeah, they live bro, dude, obviously they lived who took the fucking photo Some it wasn't a pedophile. It was the people that rescued them

Starting point is 01:31:39 Oh, you think pedophiles are only above ground, dude. You're out of your oh, there's a ground pedophile. I think so, bro They do groundwork. I'm sure they do Here's some pedophile doing group work. Oh, wow. Um, no, that was the rescue team. They took the photo And then they're like, what's up? What's up? What's guys? Why is he so mad this is as my thing But he seems like he's in a bad mood or I just say we is this is how when I came in here Didn't say he didn't smile at me or nothing. He's something. It's something. Well, I'm not a big enough guest

Starting point is 01:32:09 Is that what it is? Well, I was just checking the camera. I know but when I came in here in the first place You weren't smiling or nothing. I I'm trying to focus on the thing. I got cameras gotta focus make sure the audio is good I just you know I'm excited personally It's focused Nice doing how long how long you've been working with them Um, Zach's been working here probably for two months one year, but yeah close. Oh damn. Oh my bad He got

Starting point is 01:32:35 But as full-time Yeah, two three months. Okay, here we go. So he wasn't that's what I meant. I'm sorry. Did he go to Nashville with you? Grateful to have him. No, he does not. Um, him and Collin work here and I would you know what I want to do is I want to go to Nashville. Oh, you're not coming back out here, right? Yeah, I am you're gonna move back out here. Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna go test out Austin for one month in January when Joe's club opens up Oh, that's right Should I test it out too? It'd be fun. There's three stages there four Once his opens up this for you want me to get it?

Starting point is 01:33:07 Get Airbnb for a month, dude. What if you lived there for one month? But can we live together? Yeah? No, you know Tim Dillon has a house I'm being real. Do you want to R&B? How do you say R&B? R&B and Airbnb. Oh, I think if you if it's from a black guy, it's Airbnb Yeah, you know like Airbnb. It's R&B. Yeah. Yeah. So if we got a so we went to Austin for a month Airbnb, right? We would do spots around town do shows do shows And do you think that would be fun? I think that would be fun. Be cool I want to do it work on material. Do you really? Yeah, I really do. I think another month maybe two weeks

Starting point is 01:33:41 Okay, I'll but get out get a get a Airbnb with two rooms or whatever. Yeah, or more than two rooms And one month. I'll just get it for a month We'll get hit up Tim Dillon. See he has a house there. Yeah, I know he does. I'm sure it's nice. He has a He's like a he's like a somebody said he bought a limousine Yeah, he's got money, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, let's look at a couple news stories before Bobby gets out of here, man Yeah, well big one is uh, we had the kids mullet championships happen this weekend We had a lot of people posting about this with you the All right, uh, I kind of want to look through some of these guys if you want since Bobby stole my style a while back

Starting point is 01:34:18 Um, so we'll scan through some. I know who won but we'll scan through some. Well, can we judge a who won? Yeah. Yeah, all right So I'll go start here. Oh, yeah, dude. All right. This one's good, dude You know what I like about this one, huh? Doesn't Bobby look like Ron Jeremy though? I got to bring that up right now. If you don't play him in a biopic. Okay. We're on the anime Dude, you said that as an improv line in the movie. Mm-hmm. Everyone laughed and it hurt my feelings. Did it really? Yeah, because he's like an old fat, tripled up man. Now he is but let's see him when it is do Ron Jeremy 28 years old He's still not he's still he looks like a machete Yep

Starting point is 01:35:02 Okay, can you find a decent looking picture on now? There we go. There we go Yeah Get that fucking so you think I look like that right now. God. Yeah. All right. Good. I can take that God, yeah. All right, dude. I imagine that stanger you got in your pants boy. Yeah. Yeah I mean you got something to cop-ass for your ID. Just break that thing out. God. He's in so much trouble right now though Bro, every picture he's in he's like just no, but have you seen this prison shots? How sad it is Look at the prison shots. Really? Like the court shots Ron Jeremy in court

Starting point is 01:35:33 Oh, where's he doing court at Hannibal Lecter's house? I know dude bro. What that's his life In prison. Oh Man, that's what you get for 10,000 pussy. Oh, that's a price of 10,000 pussy. It is, huh? Yeah The price of 10,000 pussy is what a great documentary name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah the price of 10,000 pussy and that's what you get You can't have that much I feel like when a man gets too much the universe just goes They you get a monkey pox. You know, they do something. We'll see you. Yeah, we'll see you. Yeah, that's true

Starting point is 01:36:04 That's a good point. You got to be moderated. You know what I mean? I take what I need and I'll take more Right, so that's all right. Go ahead. I agree last time I gave a guy back some of the money you paid me to do a set Yeah, I said, what do you do you like this one or what? I think Brock is coming in hot here I think it's kind of a basic kind of thicker white. Look at the side dude three lines that fishermen's son look Look at the four lines on the side. What does that mean? I don't know, but it's like if he did that himself. He's talented I'm sure his mother did it. Oh, here we go. Oh, Callan. Uh, he's got some accusations against him, but bro Great guy though. Also his hair's receding at that age, dude. I don't know bro. Look Which makes it even more likely that this is Brian Callan

Starting point is 01:36:47 Yeah, no, I think that he's a beautiful kid though. Oh, here we go, dude I would do it. That's my son. I would love that. Would you want that? Oh Dude, that'd be great. I would lift this kid up I'd throw him so fucking high in the air. He'd never come down or I just give him tasks like go get the squirrels You know what I mean? Okay, Papa. Yeah, right and you'll go bring like three or four squirrels We'll boil them. Yeah. Yeah, dude I love that. Oh catching now this dude definitely You could tell he'll fuck. He's got something in him. Yeah, he's got something in them, dude

Starting point is 01:37:17 You know, he's young, but I bet hold on hold on man. Yeah, let's let's go back to fucking Jesus Christ He's like you could see in his eyes. Look at him. Yeah Yeah, you can see fucking means business and then when he gets older straight teeth Oh, he looks like he took some of his teeth out just because he wanted to He is a gangster boy. Let's see somebody else. He's out of Lawton Eli, oh shit. Okay, Jewish guys showing up out of Hogan'sburg, New York You think he's Jewish? No, 100% Italian. I would say actually I think he you know who he looks like is the guy Man, my brain's been so bad. No, you know, I know what you know to me. You know what he looks like

Starting point is 01:37:53 Hmm. What's that woman that was like? Oh, like she did them. She was a madame for the prostitutes Oh, Elaine Maxwell. No flies. No, Heidi flies. Heidi flies. Wow. Heidi flies. That looks like a young Heidi flies. Oh, I like that I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um What are you looking up Heidi? See? Heidi flies. Yeah, he does have Heidi flies vibe. Yeah, Heidi flies vibe Um, and also he looks like uh, who is the famous podcaster that we've all been on his show? Adam, Corolla on the left. It looks like Adam Corolla. Oh, Corolla, dude. Yeah I can't remember. He eats Mexicans in that fucking photo. Does he? I don't think Adam likes Mexicans

Starting point is 01:38:31 Really? Yeah, I'm gonna be Mexican. Go on. Please brother Oh, Emmett. Oh, Oliver Tree Oh, yes. A young Oliver Tree. Dude, he took that straight out of that O-Tree, boy. Yeah, dude Wow. What's up, Ollie? Dude, O-Town or O-Tree pick one. What? O-Town? O-Town, bro. I don't know what that fucking means. The band O-Town. I never heard of it All right, bring up the next one. Emma's good though. Emma's good At a Carthage, huh? Yeah Another Emmett. Oh, dude. Tim Dillon, dude. Oh, yeah. A baby Tim Dillon

Starting point is 01:39:07 Oh, this dude will suck. Start a skateboard right here. This little buddy. Yeah out of Mininoni, Wisconsin. Boy He's gonna turn out to be a promoter Yeah, dude. Like a Brian Monarch. Oh, he's gonna promote a damn honey bun in his pocket. I bet if he's smart I like it. Good luck, Emmett Epic Epic, dude What a cool name too. Out of La Joya, Texas. Yeah Now this almost seems I worry Epic might be one of those kids because it's that he goes on to really live this

Starting point is 01:39:37 Lifestyle he gets a motorbike next year. Right. It gets intense and he just you know, it's a lot of pressure and he could end up on drugs Yeah, good luck bud. Good luck. Epic. All right. Let's see two more and then we'll pick a winner here. Yeah Oh Look at the tongue, dude. Jack is cute. I don't like don't look at the tongue dude. That's weird. Yeah Yeah, and if I was the photographer, I was like, can you do one with that tongue? I mean you're a kid. Why didn't the photographer goes we'll choose another one? You know what I mean? Yeah, okay. Yeah, let's move on. Let's move on, dude. Just to stay legit Oh wow

Starting point is 01:40:12 And he almost looks honestly like he doesn't want to be doing this. Yeah, like he was forced to get the haircut Yep. Yeah, so I'm gonna vote no one James is because they did this to him Look, he won't even look at the Kent. You can tell Or maybe it's like the second photo could be like, why'd you take the sunglasses off me? Oh A little bit look at the mouth on the first one and I'm not looking at it. Don't look at the mouth. Never mind move along That shit is bad, dude. Oh, this guy's like fucking 40 You can't have a 40 year old in there, dude. Yeah, bro

Starting point is 01:40:44 Yeah, and let's still dude every all we all know this guy's scottish and not american Yeah, yeah, this dude is definitely looks like one of that's william wallis, bro That's fucking straight up braveheart, dude This guy looks like one of the characters in the newsies. Let's keep it moving. Yeah. Yeah, let's keep it moving Oh This dude will sell you some fucking land in his bedroom, bro Yeah, yeah Well, I'm out on Lincoln. Yeah, he seems like he took it in the sun too. This almost seems like he's nuts

Starting point is 01:41:18 Things aren't gonna work out. Well, Latino, huh? You think it's latino my son I don't know dude. Really fray month. Yeah, this dude definitely I wouldn't just tug the back of that. He knows somebody that's picked a damn strawberry. I'll tell you that, bro Beautiful guy mess on actually looks like my mother a little bit beautiful onward How many are the you do this somebody else do there's more I could tell you There's more I could tell you the winner if you want you want another winner. Uh, bring up my favorite one Emmett the other Emmett Oh, no, the other what was the other one part Parkinson's or whatever his name is

Starting point is 01:42:01 What's his name we have Rustin Emmett and Bailey Rustin Bring up the little guy. I like the first one. I told you if you don't mind Rustin, oh right there in the middle on the bottom. Rustin, nope right there. Bam, that's a good one dude This little, we never even saw that one. There's Tater hunter right here. Little Rustin. Yeah, that that's a good one dude from Pocahontas raising. I'm looking him doing work right there. He's already working dude. I love it changing attIRE dude on his house That looks like a meth lab. All right. Who do you think won? I dude, I mean I'm gonna go with the Oliver tree hair Wow with the fucking cut mm-hmm bull cut

Starting point is 01:42:42 I like that that is a very country cut to you can tell that his mother did that cut go in on that It's a Emmett on the second row in the middle zoom in on him. Yeah, that's when I was haircut. It's clean Yeah, it's clean and dirty at the same time you can tell somebody do that at his house with scissors I've had that cut. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good cut that bangs the bangs you can tell I'm gonna go go back out I'm gonna go with my boy. Oh Oh I'm gonna roll with I kind of like little Jack. Oh That's cute. Yeah, he's cute. Dude. What you picked the phone with with the tongue, bro

Starting point is 01:43:17 I just wanted to make it up to him by being nice. I just feel like I don't know what's going on All right, okay. What happened brother? So is the champion this year Champion was Emmett. Yeah, dude In that's his daddy right there. Nope. That's just a guy Okay, so this guy's up to no good. Let's let's see that guy's video real quick. Yeah, yeah Oh, this guy's gonna jerk off in his own gas tank, I bet They used to tell you your truck will run better if you come in All right, I got one more news or what was that last thing that came up and then we'll get Bobby on his way, man

Starting point is 01:44:26 We got a couple things. We had the what was the one more thing. Okay. What was we do one more thing? We have the island and the strippers this story. I like the island Yes, so let me pull this up here. Did you read about this? No, I don't know anything about islands, bro Miami is Experimenting with a plan to move all their homeless people onto an island dude. That's a great idea man I guess it's Virginia Island, which is like off the key somewhere. It hasn't started yet But they're they're putting it in motion. They're gonna put them all there, I guess First of all, Miami has become it is so there's so much wealth down there that this is the kind of thing

Starting point is 01:45:02 You're gonna start seeing man. Yeah. Yeah, and then people tourists are gonna be tourist boats going out there to see them I would I would go to that fucking island. Yeah, like I fuck Miami I don't feel good about all the glitz Gucci all that shit man. Yeah, let's go to the fucking homeless island, right? And get malaria or whatever, you know, well, they get those probably diseases there. Oh yellow fever everything they have it Yeah, yeah, but then there's gonna be probably like a gift shop or something on the island You're gonna be like get like those like a picture taken with a homeless guy, right or like it like a Ewok statue made out of meth scabs You know, they can make art, you know me like folk folksy art Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean like, you know a tooth necklace

Starting point is 01:45:46 Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, that'd be cool that gift shop dude a fuck if we got to run a gift shop on a homeless Island, yeah But dude, you're gonna have you know those crap if there's not draw if they don't also ship drugs out there They are gonna swim back Do you adapt to you're right. What would you need to do to keep them happy? I think you'd have to put up barricades and high drugs in the middle of the island But would you helico? I would drop them in yeah, right when you do that. I think you'd have to yeah Just helicopter and what like, you know weed for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I mean alcohol for sure

Starting point is 01:46:20 Opiums, but how much is it's gonna cause it sounds expensive and especially they're gonna stay alive for so long out there in the summer Which they should they all want them to stay alive. Yeah, but yeah, if you don't have proper programs stuff out there They're just out there on the island. They're gonna be fucking Killing each other dude. It's gonna be like Zelda breath of the wild Yeah, or that movie Escape from New York Oh, you ever see that movie? Mm-hmm What you never seen escape from New York? I haven't seen that not just couldn't watch the boys

Starting point is 01:46:49 I tried I didn't like it. Yeah, but escaping. Oh god. You have to watch it. Okay. Can I tell you the premise real quick? It's much like yes, it's basically in the future, right and Kurt Russell plays snake eyes Okay, and basically in the future New York City is now one large prison So they just built a wall around New York City and all everyone that's a convict and gang member they just live there and That's it. They just you know, it's so like when you're there you have to survive. Oh, wow, right? But I think it's gonna be a lot like that where you you put build a gigantic wall around the island You have to ship. You know me fucking food or whatever and it's just like

Starting point is 01:47:30 Anything goes Anything goes man You think it's gonna be scary for those people that live there. I Mean if there's no clinics or fucking police or you know, I mean if they just let them run wild They're gonna open 50 to 100 tiny homes and then they're gonna have services there They say they don't go into a lot of specifics, but there are gonna be like 50 to 100 tiny homes They were experimenting with this event. It's too if you're familiar tiny home. Yeah, what's a tiny home man? Like the little red ones live there. Yeah, they're supposed to be hide-and-go-seek or something. Yeah

Starting point is 01:48:03 Yeah, I would put something like a creation juice place. Yes, right. I think it I saw you both You're like you gotta do something healthy like you know like ginger shots, right? I would have one, right? If they want to get healthy Right ginger You know I mean some homeless. Yeah we grass we grass. Yeah, I think you got to have crops for them to work You need to have a some sort of farming system sustainable food. Yeah Um, they're gonna have severe sunburn and skink. I don't know I but also I could see them filming it and putting it on some kind of closed circuit television and we all pay for it

Starting point is 01:48:38 It's an extra live feed type of thing. Yeah, I'm saying that's where we're headed. It's getting weird I mean, we're literally reading an article. They're gonna put homeless people on an island. Wow That's how Australia got started man. They put criminal people on an island. Yeah, that's what they did right and it's great now So maybe it is for the best Wow, you think they'll have children out there and stuff Oh, dude. Yeah, if you don't there's you don't see them grow up, but they have them, you know Yeah, yeah. All right, so we could have but maybe this is a good idea and in California. What do we do? Catalina? Yeah, or the desert. Catalina is a fucking dump. Let's put him out there. Yeah, I can't make it cool with that carousel or whatever

Starting point is 01:49:15 Yeah, yeah, let's be realistic. It doesn't feel like you're even on an island. I know it's so weird This is like fucking Irvine, but like water Right doesn't like there's no like tropical trees. It's just Irvine Hill. It's terrible. Yeah, it's like a shit. It's like a shit hole It's a shit island. It's one shitty section of a zoo. Yeah, there's bison there. There's no real Native Americans Yeah, they charge you to get out there. I hate it. There's couples breaking up on the way there that went that are going for their honeymoon It's fucking unbelievable Fuck Catalina. That's what's going on. Yeah. Well Well, so I'll see you tomorrow morning. Oh, yeah, huh? Yeah, fuck. We got to be there early

Starting point is 01:49:55 745 man really and that's Every day Monday through Friday No, I'm only there three days this week Yeah, what happens you know you're not I my guy leaves My guy doesn't leave I have to be every day But you get to really do you shine you stay on that baseball field? I didn't do nothing Bro, I had no line, but all the shots were all the shots were hilarious. No, no, no

Starting point is 01:50:21 Oh my god. Anyway with this one I maybe Dude, there were so many good ones, but thank you Theo. I love you and everyone forced Fox to pressure the show and then um, I'm proud of you man I love you. I love you too. I'm gonna go to fucking Austin in January. All right. Let's try it out, bro How great what if we opened up Joe's Club? Maybe he would let us be the opener for the first week. Yeah, I'll be great Let's see if you will. All right. Bye. All right. Love you Bobby Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be

Starting point is 01:50:58 cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take

This Past Weekend - E405 Bobby Lee

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