This Past Weekend - E427 Back From France

Starting point is 00:00:00 Breaking news, guys, Manscaped now sells beard products. That's right, they are once again revolutionizing men's grooming with the brand new Beard Hedger Pro Kit. From a beard trim to a fresh shave, the technology behind the Beard Hedger Pro Kit allows you to shape your signature beard look. Now you can finally use Manscaped products to make your drapes match your carpet

Starting point is 00:00:24 by going to manscape.com and using code Theo for 20% off in free shipping. You gotta take care of your hair and how you look and what you look like. If you want to, they have it all beard oil, beard balm, beard shampoo and conditioner, everything. So get 20% off in free shipping with the code Theo at manscaped.com.

Starting point is 00:00:47 That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code T-H-E-O. We now have Be Good to Yourself crewnecks available in light blue, maroon and cement. That embankment gang color, you know it. Check these out along with the new windbreaker at TheoVonStore.com and thank you for your support. I've got some new tour dates to announce.

Starting point is 00:01:12 We will be going to Newark, New Jersey, May 10th, Westbury, New York, May 11th. And you can get presale tickets to those shows with code RATKING starting Wednesday, January 25th at 10 a.m. Eastern Time and the general on sale starts Friday, January 27th at 10 a.m. Eastern Time. I will be in Las Vegas on June 30th and July 2nd at the Encore Theater.

Starting point is 00:01:43 We've also added a seventh show in Austin on June 9th and a fourth show in Houston on March 23rd. All other shows and dates, TheoVon.com slash T-O-U-R, make sure to go there to get the best pricing available and follow those links. And looking forward to seeing you guys. Oh man, I bought this button up shirt. I got it on, I don't know if I like it,

Starting point is 00:02:16 I don't know if I like being in this, I don't like, I will say it, I don't like being in this sort of shirt. I don't like, you know, this is the concept, we're gonna button you up, boy. We're gonna button you up, you little nasty boy. I just feel like they're like getting you ready for, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:02:40 I feel like somebody's just packaging you up in some, like a formatted, I feel like I'm being formatted. Never formatted a document or something on Microsoft Word and you got the document how you want it. You did as much as you could, you got a couple extra commas in there. If you like me, you do, I unlimited commas, bro. Oh, I do unlimited commas.

Starting point is 00:03:09 Tiffany comma, Ben comma, fucking the comma neighbor. All caps, unlimited commas, bro. But then you do formatting and it puts it into nor, you know, regular, whatever, so the teacher can grade it. And you give it to the teacher and they're like, this is a history report. What does this have to do with anything?

Starting point is 00:03:38 And I'm like, well, that's history, baby. Tiffany been fucking a neighbor. You know what I'm saying? That's history, boo. That's in the books. That's in God's library now, son, because she did it. She did it. So, anyway, I'm in a button up.

Starting point is 00:04:04 And for me, that's a lot, you know, and also I never liked, cause when I was young, all the rich kids, they wore button ups. They had the buttons and it was buttoned up and damn, they just, you know, their lives looked buttoned up. And I didn't like them. I just didn't like it.

Starting point is 00:04:26 It resembled something I didn't like. I think in some ways, organization or something, I don't know, but something about it just always made me feel uncomfortable. But that's old shit and today I'm doing it. I'm wearing it. I'm buttoned up for you today and with you today. And I'm grateful.

Starting point is 00:04:54 I'm excited to be here, you know? I'm excited to be here. A lot of interesting stuff just been going on in my life and in your life. And I want to hear about some of it and talk about some of it and share, you know? But I feel a little formatted. I feel like, you know, this button up got me feeling,

Starting point is 00:05:18 you know, just damn caged up. I don't know what I'm talking about and I never have, baby. I'm happy to be here with you today. Let's get into it. Welcome to this past weekend. Let's get into it. Whenever you're down, out in the cold Faithless and dark, your story's untold Come take my hand and walk there with me I know a place where we can be free

Starting point is 00:06:03 There is a light shining for you Guiding your way, helping you through Shadows and gloom are all that you see We'll find a place where we can be free From the mountain top down to the deepest Nothing here avoids calling you It's the rising sun shining in the darkness Nothing can't you see you will be free So that's a slow tune, that's something we went with, and there's something about it I like There is a light, there is something to see that will keep you warm, there is a possibility There's something about that that always, cause it's hard to see a lot of times man And it's hard to see, it's hard to see that possibility

Starting point is 00:07:25 I struggle with it a bunch man, I don't want to see it, I don't want to see your possibility I want to sit right here and boil, I want to boil in this dang, just in this damn, in this anger broth I just want to boil in this anger broth, I mean it's hard to sometimes see some possibility But it's always there and usually it finds you, I notice when I'm fuming boy When I'm damn just, I mean just huffing my own damn, I'm just huffing my own fucking anger duster I'm damn just huffing the damn keyboard cleaner of my fucking anger Some type of possibility breaks in, somebody makes me laugh, something happens, I see a thing, a bird will fly by And shat on somebody's window, god damn

Starting point is 00:08:31 And that's when God's breaking through and saying hey, there's possibility out there for you Um, what's going on man, it has been, I just got back from Paris baby French son and, I've never liked the French, I'll be honest with you If you put 70 French people in front of me, I don't like them I don't like them, they just, the way they're like yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no They just, it sound like you just want to just pat them on the fucking back boy I just want to spray paint my hand red, white and blue and pat them bitches on the back And get the fucking truth out of them, what are you trying to say?

Starting point is 00:09:28 It sounds like Japanese but they fucking got their, but they're nasal out or something It sounds like somebody hit a bunch of cotton in a Japanese dude God dude, you just can't get, it sound like somebody's just e-jacking out in there Just somebody just got stuck ejaculating, you know? What the fuck are you talking about? So anyway, I'm angry, I guess I am fucking keyed up today man A lot of shit going on, I'm trying to quit vaping, vaping, vaping It's vaping motherfucker

Starting point is 00:10:34 So I'm still on that shit dude, god damn I'll fucking put my tongue in a, in a damn bird house baby and lick the walls, I don't care That's just where I'm at today dude I'm gonna beat a damn birds ass bro No cat Praise god man, we're working through it But dude I went to Fran, we went to, a lot has happened I want to thank everybody that came out in Colorado

Starting point is 00:11:06 I just went into that advertiser voice like whenever some of the ads are like if you're doing the date, the tour date reads That's the voice sometimes, I just noticed that Yeah sorry I'm amped up, I feel like there's so much to tell you guys So yeah let's just start, I went over to Colorado and man it was awesome God it was fun, it was good, we went to, we went to Pueblo And it used to be a native town, I think a native, you know I don't know a lot of the history but we went there And it's beautiful, we went and saw the mountain sides and the distance monuments, national monuments, beautiful place I mean just damn, kind of place you want to just damn push your spouse off of, you know just beautiful cliffs and dwellings and just God

Starting point is 00:12:00 That's where God shows up in places like that That's where you get up on those mountains and you look out and you can hear God saying this ain't an app homie Welcome to my band with dog, look what the Lord's doing And that was good, we seen a lady out there too, I didn't know, you know it's a mining town, you're not familiar with that And it used to be anywhere, people mine, it's just people just damn digging in the dirt looking for something You know and people damn mean look, people will dig far You know I grew up a lot of wishing, I grew up on the wishing well circuit and they had a lot of people Our town was, you know, semi-famous for the number of wishing wells it had in it

Starting point is 00:12:53 So you'd see people rolling through town just damn, just nickeling up the fucking earth baby Just fucking humming dimes into the mother nature's orifices, you know Just damn, you just, if the wind blew right you could hear damn 60 cents hitting the damn bottom of a well somewhere People just wishing their ass off, because we had about six wells in our town wishing wells And if you're not familiar with a wishing well, a wishing well is basically it's like a Place you go to wish for something that you want And I don't know how it started, I mean I guess a wishing well somebody just, somebody dropped their money into a hole in the ground And just wished they hadn't

Starting point is 00:13:55 I mean there's no other way for that to have had, you know And then they probably felt so ashamed they just built a thing around it and just said, hey everybody come do this shit But yeah, so we went to Colorado, it was, man it was just great, people came out So we had a couple of devout lesbians over there that got into a little violencia After one of the shows outside in Denver that was interesting Because that's where, you know, a lot of lesbians are starting to peek out You know some lesbians they got so much man in them that shit will peek out every now and then But they were just damn trying to beat each other and it just, you know I think, and it should be if enough lesbians beat each other

Starting point is 00:14:48 And whoever wins gets to be a man I mean what are we doing, you know, if we're not giving goals and opportunities If we're not, you know, because if you see two, you know, two hardcore fucking, you know, wallet wonders out there You know they out there hunting that slick wallet on me and you see them go at it and one of them went, what did they get But one of them should be able to hit that final form and unlock just basic dude at a library Yeah, you don't get top dude, you got to start at, you know, at, you know, at library dude You got to start over there at Hogwarts Henry, babe, you don't get to start just at the top You know, you don't get to be like a MacGyver or a, um

Starting point is 00:15:43 Who's a famous young man that's talented Joe burrow All right, what else so anyway that was Colorado And now play blow there that was a mining town and we saw they had a woman there we passing down the street and the ladies over there digging in a garden mining We've seen a woman over there just hand mining just looking for items and she had damn half of a Claire's boutique in her hand she had probably This bitch had a half of zales in her palm She I mean I'll you know there's pictures right here in the YouTube if you're watching it she had, you know It had half a coals jewelry counter right there

Starting point is 00:16:30 And it was funny because it was like who would look she was looking in like a in a median of a walkway where a guard you're like who would ever look for gold there And this lady was just hands and knees out there And this lady um she she oh she she had a kind of a middle age or she was probably anywhere from like about 28 to maybe 55 56 And she looked like Greg Valentine that's who I'm thinking of and he was a famous wrestler If you put them side by side but she was out there digging in this garden And he walked up and I figure maybe she'd been on some tough times so we're going to you know drop her a little bit of cash and just say hello and check in on her and She said I'm looking here I'm looking for treasures

Starting point is 00:17:27 And you know I asked her why are you looking here she goes because nobody looked here And I looked at the space and it was just a guard it was like a place you wouldn't nobody even walks through it you have to like it was up in the air and then a garden It was like like a kind of somebody you'd see like a they put a garden in like the middle of a walking area in a nice part of town you know And then she showed me in her hand she had damn some gold bullion in there she had a couple of Plus pieces and different gold she had real gold she'd found And I was like damn you know just I don't know just interesting this lady's looking where nobody looks And if you just said in the beginning hey look there everybody said nice that's crazy Nobody even walks up there you can't there's not even a lot there's no way to get who would walk up there and here she was half a hand full of gold

Starting point is 00:18:27 But yeah she reminded me of Greg Valentine who I used to love in a door and he's probably dead Alright anyway but yeah I want to tell you then we went skiing and what else I got a letter from Kai the hitchhiker which is blew my mind Went to Paris France all those things occurred But yeah we went skiing and it was magical man we went over to Beavers Creek And if you haven't been to Beavers Creek it sounds like a um it sounds like a bladder infection really You know it sounds like if somebody sits down like a woman that sits down and she can't stop her vagina maybe from making a sound or you know like Hey girl you know uh wouldn't that be crazy if some women if women if they sat down and their vagina made like a uh Like you like you guessed the wrong answer on a game show like um

Starting point is 00:19:40 That one be like oh dang that woman's got a gay dude stuck in her vagina bro But uh yeah we went to Beavers Creek bro and uh And it was magical man we just went out and there was nobody out there it was the day after Martin Luther King junior day And uh and it was I mean there was nobody out there and it was oh man it was so amazing Um we went out there and uh oh we met this one dude Actually this was like every dude but there was this one dude he like worked on the slopes you know he was like Bro we caught devil's femur bro yeah right I mean it was fresh out of the gate man We got out there it was just you couldn't hear it you could hear your fucking dick whisper homie

Starting point is 00:20:33 We were out there man and it was like I think it was top of the morning I don't know I've been on Molly and computer duster for like a while you know The doctor says I'm gonna be fine but that the residual effects of the computer duster could last for up to half a decade So but we were out there man god it was sick bro Yeah I broke both of my clavicles uh yeah I can't even hug my step mom anymore But it's fine she smashed like three of my friends anyway So whatever my dad's rich Dude my buddy Vixen was out there with us and we haven't seen him yeah

Starting point is 00:21:14 Pretty sad he just coasted off into the pines up there at crippled Memphis I don't know what I mean we're probably gonna hold a vigil for him later if you want to pull up Yeah it's all you can drink he'd want it that way but we're gonna auction off his van I mean it's not his van but his dad hated him You're like what the fuck are we what? What are we talking about here? Some of the people that worked up there it was another level but the place was beautiful And a lot of great folks and got to go with my tour manager Tim

Starting point is 00:21:52 And a lot of his boys from Montana these group of white men And it got everybody was chill man everybody was chill but it was beautiful So today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp We are grateful they are a sponsor because when you're at your best you can do great things that's true You're open to possibility you're open to things But sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed Or like you're not showing up in the way that you want to Well working with a therapist really can help

Starting point is 00:22:29 It really can Having some place to go and someone to reflect with Someone to kind of groom the trail that you're gonna walk along Someone to help you machete some of the growth Because when you're feeling empowered you're more prepared to take on everything that life throws at you BetterHelp is there if you need a therapist If you're thinking of giving therapy a try BetterHelp it's convenient, flexible, affordable and entirely online

Starting point is 00:23:00 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist And switch therapists at any time I needed BetterHelp I tried it and it worked I had to pull over on the roadside one day and get some dang BetterHelp and right there bam Therapists you can text with, therapists you can FaceTime with Hell I FaceTime with one woman so I'm on my damn phone overeated Shut down, heat warning, that's how much help I needed If you want to live a more empowered life

Starting point is 00:23:28 Visit BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O today to get 10% off your first month That's BetterH-E-L-P dot com slash T-H-E-O Alright we have great calls from you guys I want to let you know about this, this is wild So a while back somebody made a face fake of me And put it on to the internet and social media And so I am in it, you know, well it's my face put over Kai the Hitchhiker

Starting point is 00:24:04 Smash, smash, smash He's the famous smash, smash, smasher, you know He's that handy man that fucking couldn't find a nail cause you know who that is That's him baby He's that hitchhiking nail hunter boy, you know He's that DeWalt Anyway there's a documentary about him He's the famous hitchhiker that hit a guy with a hatchet

Starting point is 00:24:26 And hatcheted a guy out to save this kind of thicker little biscuit lady Who was getting attacked or hugged out It's the whole story is insane But anyway what happened was So somebody put my face on to a Kai the Hitchhiker on to his story It went around on social media as we put it up on social media So he filed a lawsuit He says, or this document says

Starting point is 00:24:59 Caleb L. McGilvery, a jailhouse lawyer, he's apparently according to this he's a lawyer now Says I've just filed a lawsuit Because of the video you made If you want to settle outside a court The U.S. Marshals will be coming to your door To hand you a summons You'll never, if you want to settle outside a court now is your chance I'll settle for what my costs are

Starting point is 00:25:34 Which is approximately so-and-so amount And then he wants the videos down So, and he will withdraw the lawsuit And we can go our separate ways I don't know I'm a jailhouse lawyer And he has nine years of litigation experience And he may look this is

Starting point is 00:26:05 I don't know how to handle this But that's why I mean I literally was just seeing the documentary about him And here is this And it's funny because during the documentary I I think you can relate some with this feral child This young man who Something was uncomfortable or wrong in his upbringing You know, something was off

Starting point is 00:26:32 And he appears very like kind of manic a lot And you know also there's a lot of transient people That's some of the energy that's out there But a good hearted dude you know Kind of dude that would just you know Give you the skirt off his back you know or whatever And that's good And you know you kind of love the guy you know

Starting point is 00:26:58 But just an amazing interesting story And then got this court summons And this all appears very real So I'm gonna have to talk with an attorney I got a buddy over there at Morgan and Morgan I'll hit him up and see maybe on the next solo episode We can actually address that And I can get some more information

Starting point is 00:27:16 So what else? I've been talking to a gal And that was good it was cool And then She didn't really want to I think she I wasn't her thing kind of So that would you know that's been interesting I don't know if she's been interesting

Starting point is 00:27:43 I don't know if that's the word If you know She was like I don't know it's interesting when you're trying to date Or whatever and then you kind of put yourself out there You say to someone hey I'm It's like the hokey pokey you put your right foot in You know

Starting point is 00:28:01 And they put their right foot in So now y'all are a couple of right foot Y'all are a couple of just right foot You guys are right there And then you're like That left foot it wants to go in You're like let's go let's get in Let's do it

Starting point is 00:28:21 And then you and somebody's got to put that left foot in first usually And I put that bitch in dog And then it was just both of my feet And just one of her feet was in there And I was like And She don't want that she don't want that two footed bad boy She don't want that doses up pothos animal

Starting point is 00:28:48 You know what I'm saying And And she took her foot out And then you're just standing there by yourself You know you're on your own two feet so that's good but And you're in a new place you're in like a little bit of a braver place Because you went there a little But yeah I think that's shit

Starting point is 00:29:15 You know I think it's always been tough for me to tell somebody if I tell somebody I like them That's always been tough for me You know I don't want to tell you that I don't want to It just man there's a part inside of me it's not even me It's something deep inside of me that feels very scared to say You know Very scared to say I like you I think it's to a woman

Starting point is 00:29:45 You know very scared to say okay I'm I'm gonna do this So I don't have a lot of self pity but I'm not trying to whine about it I'm just trying to share what's going on in my life Things that are Just Things that are just normal

Starting point is 00:30:11 You know but yeah there's something I talked about it a little bit on the Louie episode And if you didn't get to listen to that It was awesome man It was really awesome and I talked a little bit about it on there I think we had a voicemail comment about it let me see if I can find this voicemail Theo man it's Cam down here in North Carolina What's up Cam Thank you for calling brother I appreciate you calling

Starting point is 00:30:39 Cam that's a good name baby Cam Could be short for camera Camemile You know this is our son Camemile Yeah soak him in hot water What happens Or Cam the past tense of came I guess you know somebody Oh damn somebody ran up and just cammed on him

Starting point is 00:31:07 You know and took off You know or last week he got he came Somebody cammed on him at the house and just ruined supper Anyway onward I just got done listening to you and Louie CK I just want to congratulate you man for the compliment he gave you on your comedy I can just imagine how good that felt from your point of view And I was so happy for you hearing him speak the truth on your talent

Starting point is 00:31:38 But also I know he's got to be a hero for you And there must have been a magical moment for you I was so happy It kind of brought a tear to my eye Well thank you man I appreciate you all yeah thank you for the consideration And calling about that You know it's interesting I texted him a few days after Because there was one thing he said in a video there was a lot of stuff he said in a weird way I wish I'd tried to

Starting point is 00:32:12 You know he said some things like he said one thing He said you can't be a pedophile if you're a child Which was interesting like and I'd never realized that in my life I needed to I uh when I was young there's funny you know I don't want to say funny But there's things that happen with kids where you you know people see each other's wieners or booties or whatever You know you uh people you know you're humping your pillows and You know like Louie was talking about telling juicers him and his buddy at like summer camp and There's things that happen you know where uh

Starting point is 00:32:58 You know I had some moments when I was a kid when I would just hug my sister so hard like she was a doll And I think I felt a lot of shame about that And I'd never had a man I'd never had a man say hey you're not this is none of this makes you a bad person I'd never had any that that ever happened in my life So it was interesting that even just sitting there talking with him when he said that It kind of it's I needed that I needed in my life to hear a man who you know who's older than me I don't know how old Louie is But I think he's he could be my dad if he were had had me at a young age

Starting point is 00:33:42 And uh and I needed or I just needed to hear and someone I had looked up to In certain aspects you know I don't know all the aspects of his life but there's someone that I had some admiration for I needed to hear them say something like that And I just didn't realize it and sometimes you don't know where those pieces of life hit you at You don't know who has anybody could be could say something that you needed your father to say or you needed your mother to say So that was interesting and I and I texted him and I said hey you know I just wanted to say thanks there was This thing you said that I had needed to hear in most of my life and I had never heard it Because I'd had a lot of shame about things even just about you know I think is

Starting point is 00:34:32 You have shame about masturbating and you know spraying out and everything and you know And my dad had just had we you know he he didn't engage with me about any of that or talk about it you know He had me buried down half of a Smurfs bed sheet in the yard and um And it was just always very uncomfortable so to even have little moments like that But I think I just found some connection in that call with him Just hearing a voice that's knowledgeable but not he wasn't judgmental Obviously he's been through all the nooks and crannies of you know sexual discussion and thought probably in his own head And so yeah just to have like an adult say that don't you know that you can't be

Starting point is 00:35:33 You're not bad for it was I don't know it was kind of blanket but it just hit me and I needed to hear that And I never knew I did So anyway there were moments like that anyway sorry to interrupt your call so much let's go onward And the reason for that is just because you put yourself out here and you make yourself vulnerable And there's a lot of us out here that really benefit from that man and I know when I'm going through some shit I can tune in and listen to you and you know it's so better I appreciate you and just keep doing the same thing Gang baby thanks Cam I appreciate that call man

Starting point is 00:36:17 Yeah there was some moments with Louis where I just felt yeah Yeah you know I don't know what else to do except be myself sometimes I know it might sound crazy but I don't know there's so much inside of myself that wants to get out of me And there's things I want to say that I don't even know what they are There's things that are inside of me I think there's conversations I never got to fucking have as a kid I think there's a lot of shit just inside of me that's like you know and I know people say hey don't you know Don't think about the past and I'm not thinking about it but that shit lives in me dog You know and I think there's a lot of like I don't know

Starting point is 00:37:11 You know I'm a late bloomer man I know I am and that's okay You know if you go through a whole childhood of not getting to have interaction Or to talk or have any idea what your feelings are or help somebody mold what feeling even is And you're just surviving in the fucking world And then at some point you start to quit trying to survive Then you still have a whole I still have a whole I still have a whole roll of decks of shit that I didn't get to get right Or I never got to even get wrong

Starting point is 00:37:57 Um Yeah I don't know man some of that shit makes me fucking you know and some of it still makes me angry sometimes There's a lot of I mean I got so much I got a lot of anger in me sometimes And people say forgive and forget I get that I'm in a program doing all that shit But that you just because you say you forgive doesn't mean that something just disappears You know Because some of this shit man it fucking lives in me You know sometimes there's still a kid inside of me that's so fucking angry bro

Starting point is 00:38:43 You know and it's my job as an adult just to not not to let him drive the boat you know Anyway I'm not trying to get into self pity but there was just a lot during that that conversation It's like I'm still collecting I'm still collecting conversations that should have happened when I was a kid And I'm out here you know trying to collect them as an adult And not even collect them I'm trying to I just don't know where they're gonna happen And sometimes I don't know that they are gonna happen it just one thing you know you could do you know So I'm just grateful that God lets me be alive and that gives me an opportunity to have some experiences

Starting point is 00:39:32 But thank you for the call dude I was excited I felt like we had a good connection I didn't know I was scared I'd seen Louis one time in the hall of the comedy store when he was very famous in mainstream media And you know he seemed very standoff as he seemed like a fancy guy But I also didn't know him but he didn't seem like approachable or anything But I felt excited to get invited to his show I hadn't gone to a comedy show and I'd been like the first comedy show I'd ever been to And then I'd been to I went to see Bob Newhart one time in Chicago and then I saw Louis Of actual show where I went and went and just sat in the audience and watched

Starting point is 00:40:32 I've seen a ton of sets at the comedy store and that but anyway this is getting a little bit long here so Alright let's get into a little bit of news here and then we'll go on to the I'll tell you about the fashion show What happened here in the news we got Alabama woman who joined ISIS once back in the US Nope bye bitch that's what I'm saying A woman who left Alabama joined the Islamic State in 2014 now says she regrets her action and is hoping to return to the United States If I need to sit in prison and do my time I will do it I won't fight against it Oh now that's interesting that could be fair But I don't know you know I get to it gets to a point where as a country you make so many bends of whatever your original rules are

Starting point is 00:41:32 That you're not a country anymore You know if you have like at the pool rules say you have the pool rules and these are the rules you can't swim during this house You can't uh no swim in 30 minutes after sandwiches or dining No diaries no uh pissing in a pool or whatever duke So you have those rules but then you start breaking all the rules I'll change this rule change this rule change this rule And then you have somebody that comes up and this lady whatever just sprayed tit milk on the rules And went off to another country to join a group that was against your original country

Starting point is 00:42:22 I say bye I say bye man because you changed it then there's no more rules then this pool doesn't exist Now you got people eating out of the pool making soup you got one dude diarrhea down here by the ladder The ducks have fecal alcohol syndrome from the duties at the other end and then somebody selling duck You got a Chinese dude selling duck meat on the side of the pool You know you got some fellow over there just huffing down duck empanadas and he gets infected because of the God by the ladder just the whole thing but it's all because the rules keep getting adjusted So I say no you left you said fuck this place then that you made your go pick another place then

Starting point is 00:43:12 If ISIS didn't work out you didn't cut it in ISIS All right go play back play hoops in Russia boo And some of my reasoning behind with the rules is because at a certain point that people that care about that like going to the pool in the beginning They're not gonna want to be at the pool anymore They're gonna they're not gonna nobody's gonna want to be at the pool So now you made all these adjustments about the pool And you don't have a pool anymore Now you got a duck soup diarrhea farm

Starting point is 00:43:48 That's what you got And the people that originally cared about the pool that made it the pool They're not gonna care anymore They're gonna find some other place they're gonna get in the private areas and have their own pool they're gonna figure it out So I don't know I just liked it better when and maybe it's just me and it's just my perspective But when it felt like we all We all had the same pool in mind What else parents in shock as gorillas mate in front of kids at zoo

Starting point is 00:44:32 A pair of gorillas at a zoo Left parents shocked as they decided to start doing it like they do on the discovery channel right in front of the kids When you take the kids to the zoo to see all the wonders of the animal kingdom You've always got to understand there's a risk that all creatures great and small will be up to some naughty antics I love this Hell I think the zoo could charge more for animal sex hours honestly If you come at 2pm that's when everybody's fucking you know what I'm saying brah Because you go to some of these cages now you go to the lion cage he's in there

Starting point is 00:45:12 He's always sleeping or he's laid out or he's on looks like he's on a couple Xanies you know They always got a kickball next to him Who's ever seen a lion play kickball What fucking lion gets up and he's like Rawr Then you see another lion run up and just And the other lions are like rawr kick it kick it It's there's no fun that's what do they do they're not doing anything

Starting point is 00:45:43 And then and there's always like a tightrope in the cage going from like one tree to another Like the lion like the lion's just gonna like oh just like walk on the road like oh I'm a rope lion I'm a tightrope lion Rawr fuck what the fuck They don't do shit man I'm sick of paying entry fees to see animals not do shit They don't do shit these animals don't do shit they just lay there like rich animals that's all they are Because we took them out of the wild

Starting point is 00:46:23 The wild is where God is out there setting it off And mother nature is out there fucking twerking And people are eating bbq and getting going down But we take them out of the natural environment we put them in this rich ass fucking maximum or minimum security prison And they're living large they're kickballing they're eating lamb I saw one video they're feeding lamb to lambs I'm sick of these rich ass animals That's all this is man have you ever lived in a shitty neighborhood and then moved to a better neighborhood

Starting point is 00:47:04 Have you ever moved from Memphis to Nashville Okay that's what's happening with these animals And people are like well we gotta set the animals free No we what? If we set the animals free every penguin will be at Albertsons in the frozen food section You'll have every penguin in there fucking just beaten open a thing of fish sticks Every leopard will kill every missing pet in your area There will be zero missing animals

Starting point is 00:47:45 You can't free you can't free these animals man Because they'll be right back in nature they'll be right back in the wild And the wild the wild is gangster That's the UFC for animals man These animals they have a good in the zoo they got it really really good So I say we either put them to work or tell them to take a four legged hike I want to go to the zoo and they got I want to go during they should have animal sex hours in the afternoon 2 to 3 p.m. everybody fucking

Starting point is 00:48:21 All right $40 to get in That zoo would be packed That zoo would be even the French would be there like Oh But we got to get these animals to work the zoo they're not making any money nobody's going to see that You could watch a nature they fight immediately The Dana White should do the nature channel These bitches fight immediately on the nature channel

Starting point is 00:48:55 So these animals I think they either need to step it up or get that That's what I'm saying I want to go to the zoo I want to see you know I want to see I want to see the end I want to see these apes fist fighting I want to see the rats making soup like they do in the movie I want to see penguins miming why aren't penguins miming You got the colors do the fucking work boys But zoos could easily step it up 2 p.m. all the animals fuck That's easy 2 p.m. all the animals fuck

Starting point is 00:49:33 $40 to get in bring a rain slicker boom Now we're talking business baby But I think if you go to the zoo and see some animals fuck lucky you All right Just make sure that you have a conversation with your son or daughter afterwards to explain what happened And that they shouldn't feel ashamed for watching it Thank you 4 NFL teams 2 conference championship games and only a few more shots to win big on the NFL playoffs

Starting point is 00:50:06 With DraftKings Sportsbook an official sports betting partner of the NFL Counting down a Super Bowl 57 new customers can bet just $5 and get 200 in free bets instantly If you're not a new customer you can feel the conference championship thrills with stepped up same game parlays Take your shot at an even bigger NFL payout and boost your winnings with each leg you add up to 100% That's right Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code Theo New customers can bet $5 on the conference championships and get 200 in free bets instantly Only at DraftKings Sportsbook with code Theo

Starting point is 00:50:50 Minimum agent eligibility restrictions apply see show notes for details and make sure that you are okay to gamble If you have a gambling problem this might not be for you Let's move on what else do we have a couple calls that came in this episode's getting along that's okay Went to France Let me have a sip of my Celsius man I went to France so this thing came out of nowhere right Get invited to go to France and you know I don't like the French you know it If you had to pick six things I don't like the French would be four of them

Starting point is 00:51:34 And so I got invited they were doing a comedy fashion show this fellow kid super and at first they said kid super I thought it was one of you know like a make a wish fellas you know you somebody get those you know they got that 40 year old in a cape or something and he's You know he wants to jump out of a window or whatever and they won't let him because he's you know does he never because he's You know he's mentally he's really you know because the devil tickled him whenever he was being made or whatever and he's not well But it wasn't it was a it was a fashion show put on by this fellow calm delay make sure I get his name correctly calm Elaine yes any real beautiful fellow man a really kind smart neat guy And I'd had a friend Aaron Levy that was a part of the John Elliott clothing brands I'd been around some clothing fashion high fashion And I don't know much about fashion you know that I mean look at me

Starting point is 00:52:46 And you know I don't and you know I got three pairs of pants I wear one of them all the time this is it These little camo deals paper thin but they're nice from North Face and I like them But anyway we get invited to this thing and they said it's going to be I mean you're wearing I mean some of the linen it's just damn fresh silk You can smell a spider's ass hole on it you know this shit is hot hot off the eight arms baby you know what I'm saying this shit is fresh And so yeah we go we first of all we get to the airport and they're taking us on a jet I mean this thing Puma put us on a jet And it's a I mean this thing was long this thing had two bathrooms in it And I pissed in both of them cuz you know that boy if there's I piss in it you know what I'm saying I'm pissing at each end of the yard baby And I'll let the devil do the laundry baby you know what I'm saying I'm pissing when I get in something that's always who I've been

Starting point is 00:53:53 You know as a child at night before I go to bed I'd piss off each side of my bed and I'd piss around it from I'd stand on my bed and urinate around it Just to keep you know whatever bad stuff could come get me to keep it away But anyway so we went there who was there Andrew Santino So Mateo Lane other comedians Stavros Halkias Fari and he's a French comedian who else Jeff Ross couple of the comedians Um yeah anyway so we went out on the stage and we had to walk in a fashion and we had to do the you know and do some material on stage so that was part of it And it was just why you know like there I mean if you know I this was the most nervous that I'd been to do comedy in a long time because for one People are coming to judge they judge clothing and this is like fancy people this is like the fanciest people everybody has a blog everybody has a web page everybody has a lawyer It's people like that you know and so you get it's like I knew these people were gonna be our judge been all about clothes anyway they're gonna they're they're here to judge clothing all week

Starting point is 00:55:25 So if you throw in an outlier like a perfor comedian who's coming in who's not even part of their world We're the easiest thing for them to hate on oh I can hate on this guy oh easy done comedian done So I feel I was like oh these in maffers man and it was rich people bro and I don't like the rich man I've said it and you know it And people say well man you make money and I yeah I do but I'll never be rich I'll never be fucking infected with that shit that shit starts in your heart son So I'll never I'll be like that and I know because when I get around rich people I don't like them and I just felt that in there just that age old energy man You know because they had a rich doctor when I was young they had a rich veterinarian right and he would he would drive through our neighborhood Sometimes people would cut through from the highway there and then they had another highway and in between the two highways it was our neighborhood And people would cut through our neighborhood and drive off to one of the down one of the highways and be nice neighborhoods

Starting point is 00:56:43 And they had this veterinarian and he would throw animals dead animals out in our ditch and shit when they drove by You know and so that should always stuck with me man you know like oh this is just the place where they that's what they think of this That's what they think of us this is just a place where we put dead animals And you could damn use Clorox you'll never get that shit out of my system But anyway and I know this is a judgmental play people are judging fashion people are here to be judged So I know the easiest thing for some blogger which is basically just a job where you are afraid to fucking fight The easiest job for a blogger is to say to point fingers at the outlier that comes in to say this is bad right Instead of you know saying this is good from all the you know bribes or whatever they get I don't know or whatever their end goal is

Starting point is 00:57:54 But anyway to say this bad so I just knew going up against it was going to be tough and it turned out it was okay And we did well and yeah the kids super clothing you know it's nice neat stuff and calm the guy who runs it was very neat Andrew Schultz was there that was fun to get to spend time with him it was great man that was exciting I went for a walk I didn't try to do too much in France because I wasn't there long And you get out in the streets and it's you know it's French people are French and you know just fucking French and around But we got to go out at night we went in they had nice music at night and just the whole experience was fancy and it actually ended up being a good experience Sometimes I carry old ideas into things and so I got to kind of monitor that But my nerves are warnings for me and they say hey this is what's up beware of this and I'm glad that they're there those are instincts too

Starting point is 00:59:07 Sometimes it's not nerves it's instincts and you got to really ask them are you a nerve are you an instinct tell me You got to figure it out okay let's get into a call or two Here we go some of that came from you guys here we go Hi Theo this is Faye from Salt Lake City Hello Faye from Salt Lake baby and I like salt Onward I just wanted to say that I love the show and it's had more of an impact than you would probably think Because it is oddly enough the only thing that calms down my 78 year old grandma with dementia

Starting point is 00:59:55 You don't know dementia is when the Lord starts deleting all the files in your brain Yeah I'm like her main caregiver Oh yeah that's that spyware baby the devil spyware baby onward Yeah I'm like her main caregiver outside of my grandpa so three days a week she's over here and she gets real restless without him One day my fiance had the idea to just throw on this past weekend put it on the TV cast it from YouTube to the TV And it was like magic and now like the whole family knows to do it when she's getting nervous Oh well that's sweet That's really sweet I think it's sweet that you spend time with your grandmother I'm sorry that that

Starting point is 01:00:46 That parts of her just kind of eroding back into the universe you know that's a lot You know I'm amazed how much care you have in you that's pretty fascinating And I'm grateful that somehow maybe I'm able to be a part of spending time with her You know my dad was 76 when he passed and it's nice now I get to spend time with a 78 year old That's nice You know that's nice it's uh there's all these little ways that we get Our loose ends kind of tied you know So many unexpected ways let me hear more

Starting point is 01:01:35 Just that first order of business is throw on Theo give her some ice cream and throw on Theo Now I see what now I think she might have y'all I think a lot of this is about the ice cream and that's how I look So a lot of people will fake dementia to get ice cream And who can blame a mommy Because I go live in a senior center right now I think of the age you got to be is 55 or 59 right a lot of them in Arkansas I think it's I want to say 54 But in a heartbeat I would go live in you get games every day with other people right you can play board games at 4 445 bro y'all fucking eating bitch

Starting point is 01:02:19 You'll live in a senior center right now you know how much work and enjoyable things you would get done play the piano Talk to somebody about a war I mean god you know Put up a wanted poster of Bobby Lee outside of your door VFW meeting tonight in the game room you know what I'm talking about And it's crazy she thinks that you're here in the living room with her talking to her and she just She thinks she's talking to you basically she thinks she's a guest But yeah I'm a fan grandma is a fan whole family really

Starting point is 01:03:04 Well man I'm honored to have her on every single week Maybe it'd be interesting to have her on I don't know I'm gonna have my producer reach out this is I mean I you know It may be a lot to put somebody with that on but there could be some fascination to it But I'm happy to have her I'm happy that she is a guest every week And I'm happy to be a little part of y'all's lives and for sharing that she's a part of mine That's awesome dude that's so cool Thank you and give her a hug for me if you're allowed to touch her I don't know if people like being touched or not If they are

Starting point is 01:03:39 Demented or whatever Alright let's get one more call here that came in Let's go ATO this is John from Minneapolis Minnesota What's up John from Minneapolis and sorry about what happened to your Vikings but Y'all beat the Saints a while back on that Minnesota miracle so that's life bruh I've been listening to your podcast now for about a year and over the course of this year I've just been uplifted by it so much I work for my dad and I listen to your podcast almost every single day

Starting point is 01:04:25 He owns a window cleaning business and was recently diagnosed with stage four brain cancer Though me and my brother have been having to kind of take over for him And it's just been a really tough time for my family to Anyways I know you lost your father kind of young I'm young myself not as young as you were but I'm only 21 And I'm just hoping you might have some advice for me on how to move forward to this time of life Just finding it real hard You know I talked about this a little bit on the Louie episode where

Starting point is 01:05:06 My dad had a girlfriend in his later years and we went over to her I was over at her house one night and she had a nice house man and it looked like a condo I've never been in a condo before and it had like big windows She made these roast beef sandwiches and the roast beef was like in a pot and it had like sauce with it And I'd never seen anything like it You know I just felt like I just felt like the meat itself had just drowned itself And done it on purpose for me it just was that good you know And I remember being over there one night and my dad had gotten

Starting point is 01:06:05 I didn't know that my dad was sick right and in the middle of the night we would sleep out on the couch at her place Because they didn't have because my dad was sleeping in the extra she had an extra room my dad would sleep in there and he slept on the couch The couch was nice boy and my dad had got up in the middle of the night and he was going down the hall towards her room And I was awake and I was like what is he doing is he you know is my dad sexually active I didn't know You know I didn't know what they were doing you know I knew it could I just didn't know And so I kind of went over there you know because I'm a pervert And I went and I saw that my dad had like He had like diarrheaed himself

Starting point is 01:07:01 And he was going to ask her he was asking her for help you know And yeah it just And like six weeks after that he passed away I mean that was when I first found out that he was sick And yeah I think it was just such a moment of like okay here's this guy's What is is there sex going here and then it's scary it was just a lot of stuff you know So yeah I can't you know I don't know what's going on in your world and I didn't mean to make that about me it just that made me think about that and I just talked about it on that Louie episode a little bit But just that it was just scary you know and I remember being scared And you know it's so neat that your dad has a business that you and your brother are working in that's so cool that's a piece of him

Starting point is 01:08:19 You know that's a piece of him that's things that we miss in the world is when our dads would do something and then the sons would carry it on and it wasn't like You know before everything got all globalized and we sold out a lot of our values for For The benefit of few you know and That was a little political there but it was when they you know more mom and pop operations because with mom and pop come children and then the children become the mom and pop and then There's something you've created that carries on through you you know but But it's beautiful you guys have that you know and sometimes if I want to think about my dad or feel what he feels like you know I I'll put my hand like on my heart

Starting point is 01:09:23 Because my heartbeat came from my dad you know and my mom and so I'm a remix of my parents And when I miss my dad you know this is the sound that he made It's a sound that he made that was in him part of the sound that's inside of me the beat that comes in me that stays alive was in my father And the only place it is now it's in me you know it's in my siblings too but part of it is in me and that's his sound that is his sound And that gives me some solace sometimes it gives me some solace sometimes But I'm sorry you guys are doing that I'm blessed it's it's a blessing you have a brother there to go through it with you And you're able you're you have a relationship with your father it sounds like you're going to be able to deal with some of this and process it and I would get some recordings with your dad if he if he is still alive I couldn't tell from the call and spend some time with him as much as you

Starting point is 01:10:34 Can and get some of that video and audio recorded to always have that you know I don't have a few pictures from my dad And you know there his other family took everything else and yes I'm kind of resentful about that shit But anyway I'm sorry you're going through that man thanks for sharing and keep sharing it with people because other people are going to have little things that will help you And that's what I got man what else Yeah I didn't mean to finish up on a downer there I love watching Brandon Moreno fight I'm so happy for him baby that was amazing I can't believe I got to go to France what the heck man I'm excited this week will be in Louisville and Indianapolis some new shows are on sale and Yeah just thank you guys for being a part of my life

Starting point is 01:11:42 And you know just try and be good to yourselves you know that's the same thing I'm going to do I haven't had anything to eat today except for this caffeine And some antidepressants so I'm going to go meet my friend Tim and eat and um yeah You know we just don't know where the possibility is going to come from You know and if I shut myself all the way off then I might not I might miss it And there's still a part of me that wants to shut myself all the way off isn't that crazy I want to just close it down I'm not talking about take my life or anything I'm just saying you know I want to make myself unavailable But But then we might miss out you know

Starting point is 01:12:44 And so you step back in you put the right foot in you put the left foot in And some somebody great something whatever something is going to come and meet you there You know and actually you know what I'm going to change it up we're going to go out Like we sometimes do man I love you guys thank you for being a part of my life this week if you're struggling with something You just got to make it through today you don't have to make it through a million years you don't have to make it through 40 years you don't have to make it through 10 years you have to make it through today You know and you got this shit baby gang baby we got this shit baby gang I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home And my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been grown

Starting point is 01:14:09 Now I'm just floating on

This Past Weekend - E427 Back From France

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.