This Past Weekend - E440 John Mulaney

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Starting point is 00:02:27 He has a new special coming out on Netflix called Baby Jay. If you haven't gotten to see his other specials, you should check them out. Today's guest is a talent, Mr. John Mulaney. Yeah, man, I'm just saving it because we've got a lot of stuff to do and we've got a lot of stuff to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've got a lot to do and we've He's been losing weight too, so he's feeling more sly, aren't you wasn't you've been losing some weight recently, huh?

Starting point is 00:03:40 I'm trying out there. I'm hiking. Yeah, you look lean brother hiking his height. You're gonna do it hiking Yeah, it's like free. You just go like run you know hundred percent free Yeah, that's freedom in it hiking. Yeah, I don't know Where are you hiking? I'm not I do Freiman Canyon. Yeah with Dan Levy. Oh you go with Dan. Yeah, I only hike with Dan Oh, wow. He's a good guy to hike with he's a good guy to hike with you talk about money the entire time Yeah, yeah, who gets you involved in I've been involved in countless things with Dan I'm still in some what do you mean a class action with Dan somewhere along the line for real

Starting point is 00:04:16 Yeah, did you get involved in one of the flips he was trying to do? I don't think it was a flip. I don't it was some sneaker thing. It was like a I think yeah, he has a lot of sneakers. Yeah tons He has a whole special closet in his home for sneakers. His wife doesn't have that. No, he does. Yeah, and his wife Yeah, his wife doesn't have his wife doesn't have anything and he has everything he wants Yeah, he's given his wife nothing. Oh, it's three children. Oh Hey, any named them all after he named them all Dan Levy. Yeah, well Danny Yeah, and then Danielle Danielle and then the babies just Dan. Yeah little girls just Dan Levy

Starting point is 00:04:54 I think you have to be at that size. You have to be at that size. He just bought a Porsche, too Did he really so he's really going through it? Yeah, he paid a hundred and twenty five thousand dollars. Oh, and his wife I think I saw her on a bike or I Think crutches even crutches old-ass crutches. Oh, not good crutches. No, I'm talking I found the crutches at CVS and I said you guys have a dumpster and she said I could actually use those They were just in the parking lot of the venture. Oh, she had some real polio chopsticks when I saw her That sucks, man. It sucks how Dan treats her. Oh You know, it's uh, I'll put her on my prayer list, you know for sure. Yeah, for sure

Starting point is 00:05:30 I'll put her at the top, but it's cool to be married to Dan Levy. Probably. Oh, you get to watch him drive to the Improv in a Bomber jacket and a Porsche. Yeah, and you get to watch him put all your money into his hair gel Yeah, there's a lot of hair treatment going on and it ain't just gel. Yeah, I'll tell you this Did you ever get involved in a sneaker business with him? I got involved. I've been involved in some things with Dan. Yeah, he sends me links like these Jordans are coming out today Why don't you buy 500 of them and then we'll sell them? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and he was sending me off right like players that people have it like a lot of foreign players like, you know These Vladi devox are coming out, you know, they make a Vladi devox. It's a dress shoe, you know

Starting point is 00:06:10 It's a hard shoe like a church shoe. It's a Czechoslovak. Yeah, it's like a Czech Republic like there It would be a nice brown loafer. Yeah good for them Yeah, but yeah, he's Dan is a Dan is a talented guy. Oh, he's the greatest You gotta know Dan and he is great. His energy is always he always has energy. He always has energy His father's an Abraham Lincoln addict. His father is an Abraham Lincoln addict And we went to we were doing a show in Springfield, Illinois This winter and we went to Lincoln's grave Really? Yeah, just basically for Elliot Levy. Yeah, take a photo show the respect man

Starting point is 00:06:49 Lincoln he was one of our like first responders. Oh Abe Lincoln or Abe Lincoln was one of our you know when you like to salute our first responders no one responded Like there on that, you know, he was like a first responder to slavery kind of in a way I think wasn't he there were probably some people before him who had thoughts on it, but he was definitely out there Yeah, he was like as far as our history books tell us he was kind of like one of the guys out there like hey Yeah, for real. Yeah He was like an EMT kind of for slavery. He was an absolute EMT He did CPR on this country this country was being ripped apart

Starting point is 00:07:22 This country was dragged under a car. Yeah, he did CPR on it Because you would do CPR on someone who's dragged under it. Yeah Uh, John Mulaney, thanks for hanging out man. Thanks for having me. It's nice to meet you. Yeah, you too man We've never met we saw each other in passing at the improv the other day That was the first time I think I might have like might have crossed paths at the store once. Yeah But I think it was at the improv maybe two months ago, dude. Thanks for all your Thanks for all your amazing comedy man. It's thanks for your you are really interesting to watch I love like this other you have like this you're doing your act. It's non-stop, right?

Starting point is 00:08:01 Like I feel like when I watch you I get my money's worth, you know, oh, thank you That's very because it's like you're there's almost a couple of things going on sometimes You're telling a story or you're telling a joke, but you're also Commenting on it with like this and that's how it's gonna be like it It's almost like there's this other character and I can't really figure out what the other character is like if it comes from like somebody in your life or if it's like a Do you know what I'm talking about at all? You mean the the way I sound on stage or some you're talking about some other ingredient and that's

Starting point is 00:08:37 It's it's like I'm watching a story. It's almost like an insider trading It's almost like this other guy kind of pops out of you at the same time and like kind of comments on what's going on But it's like yeah, there's a part of there's someone out there. There's someone in me who doesn't like the show yeah, and Who doesn't like who's embarrassed maybe by the by the fact that he's doing it You know like when those multiple personalities come out on an episode of law and order Yeah, they're like Franklin's not here right now, you know, and you got to deal with that guy There's someone in there who's like by the way, I fucking loathe telling this story

Starting point is 00:09:13 Yes, that's what it is. Yeah, it's this and I just man. It's so awesome to watch. It's so awesome That's nice you just say I appreciate that. Yeah, thanks for Because I'm like when that guy gonna pop, you know, it's like I can't it's almost gives me something else to look forward to While I'm enjoying the show, you know, okay, is that not only Are as John performing I'm watching but then there's this other guy who's also part of John Who's gonna chime in every now and then and tell me something dude I had a psychiatrist when I was 17 and he told me he goes half of you is this really nice guy who wants to You know do the right thing and be a good person and the other half of you is a gorilla

Starting point is 00:09:56 Who's sole purpose in life is to destroy the first half? Wow, I think that I could see that That's interesting Yeah, I think I mean I definitely I feel I could relate to a lot of that I don't know if mine's a gorilla mine's more probably a chimp. Maybe or oh, yeah Well, that's pretty scary too. That's nothing to shake a stick at oh a chimp can rip your genitals off It'll throw them 500 feet. That's the story at least. Yeah, that's you know, the birthday cake story, right? Uh-huh guy brought up Guy had two chimps brought one a birthday cake and not the other which seems like chimp 101

Starting point is 00:10:31 Yeah, yeah, you got a double and then pop pop hands off pop this ripped his hands off ripped his feet off Rip his genitals off through them 500 feet. Oh, I mean, there's lots of stories like that That's just the one I've but the worst part is if your hands aren't there by the time you get to your genitals You can't even scoop them up Yeah, if you walk the 500 feet, which you can't cuz you don't have feet either. It's a real He was like you can't walk you can't do anything you can't reproduce it was like bam bam bam no torso shit He went for the prize areas. He went for the things that really yeah, they're wow, that's it right? Oh, yeah Well, that this looks like yeah world's most horrific chimp attacks as

Starting point is 00:11:12 Raging apes rip off people's faces hands and genitals But I think say you get to let the feeder go on so he took the feed on just googled chimp birthday cake and that came up Okay, so I have some of the details correct. Yeah, you were correct. Okay. That's fantastic Yeah, I think if you if you I'm trying to think if somebody took my Feet off and I don't have any feet. I think you could still stick over there kind of but that's you know like that Oscar Petorius yeah, but you're talking about the first moment you lose your feet You think you could stick it if you don't look at the feet. I think and you stay out of that shock moment Okay, I think and you just drive forward you like we still have feet

Starting point is 00:11:47 I feel like it would take a while of the physical therapy with the bars with the ballet dancer bars on either side Stumping around and then I don't know. I just can't imagine that I could get up and stomp it over to my balls Meanwhile, I still got to sing happy birthday because you're forgetting that it's still a celebration for the one chimp So that's rude, you know dude. I was at a I was at an AA meeting, right? I'm in a good AA and so I was at an AA meeting in person or over zoom in person Okay, and some guy only because there were so many over zoom during them. Oh, yeah, there were so many some meeting stayed in Yeah, um and Some guy had a seizure in the meeting

Starting point is 00:12:29 Oh, right and this other lady was her birthday in the meeting and they sing happy birthday everybody Yeah, so she like literally stepped over the guy. It was her birthday. It was her moment It was like I'm gonna get my cake, you know, so Was it like were you all about to present the cake and the guy had a seizure. Yeah, they're like, uh, you know Rondra got 76 years or something, right? So she comes up and everybody's like happy birthday and the guy seizures up shit And then she's just like steps over him to me, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she sang to me. Yeah I think nothing was gonna take her shine, you know, so it's interesting even on regular birthdays

Starting point is 00:13:12 I don't know people that sing to me, but I like when I think it's like well times have changed on I think people want to it's about them now That's a good point times have changed, but I think yeah, dude I think if my feet were gone if I don't know about that I'm running on pure adrenaline You know, they live cars off of children off of families. That's what they say. Yeah. I mean, I assume those stories are true I think they have I think Look up like Unique mom live unique powers

Starting point is 00:13:41 mom you know, yeah, Google unique powers from mom powers Mom adrenaline. Yeah, I'm oh now. Maybe that's what we're starting to sell search terms. There we go How it's possible for a new person to lift a car All right in 2012 Lauren Kornaki a 22 year old woman in No creative BBC account You can't look at anything anymore you ever try to look up song lyrics what a fucking mess those websites are They won't let you look at those either. No, it's just like tons of it's just

Starting point is 00:14:23 They're the most insane A-Z lyrics or whatever. They're oh, yeah, I love more pop-up ads It's like do you not want us to know what the singer was saying, right? Yeah, and now people are putting like weirds like You know everything I do I do it for T-Mobile like people are playing the songs wrong because the ads are popping in yeah, you know, yep It is interesting how there's so much ads I think if I but I to go back to this I think if you had pure adrenaline going and But the saddest part would be to get to your own genitals Yeah, not be able to pick you'd almost have to balance them on your yeah

Starting point is 00:15:01 It's like the end of the twilight zone where the guy breaks his glasses. You finally get to your genitals, but you don't have hands oh And you got to decide what you scoop up with your mouth. Oh For real Wow, bro, that is crazy and then what yeah, I don't know what you take. Well, you have to take your gonads Because you want if you want to have a family Yeah, you have to see what kind of condition and you do have to make a split second What kind of condition are these and by the way?

Starting point is 00:15:29 I'm assuming the chimp is making a beeline for you and not at all done especially if you if you stuck it and stumped away Yeah, that's true. He's gonna be right behind you. He didn't mean to just you know God man, it's so harrowing to think what you would do in certain instances, you know And if you have the abit because I even notice like If I get like scared at night, you know, yeah, I'll even say like is Somebody there, you know, like somebody's gonna be like Yeah, you're lying in bed and you hear a noise type. Yeah, like I'll get you know I mean, I'm tough and everything but I will also in addition to being tough

Starting point is 00:16:08 I will like go be like, you know, hey is somebody they like I'll do like Who's it, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, and like they're gonna say something back like I'm here, you know burglar. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, and it's always a burglar in my mind. You know, it's always that kind of Home alone s type of fella. You think it's someone coming in to steal items and just hoping no one wakes up and asks Is anyone there? Yeah, and you just yeah, I Think about home invasion Most of the day

Starting point is 00:16:40 Yeah, I mean You do you ever yell I have a gun? No It's a good idea. Yeah, I Have a gun. I have a gun That's not a pretty authority, right? I have a gun now when you say you're a tough guy See, I would mess it up when you say you're a tough guy in them in that moment You're in your home. Someone's coming in. You don't know what they're about. Do you feel tough? At first, I don't right, but then I have to remember. Hey, you are tough. Oh, that's so then I will

Starting point is 00:17:14 Be able to be tough tough meaning. I know how to fight. Do you do I'll go to like jiu-jitsu class, okay? All right, but not a ton though. Okay, just enough to like maybe Take care of like you don't do that. The many marshal at the next marshal. No, okay? No, no, no All right, I'm a huge fan of it. Sure, but I am a like I'm a one-stripe white belt And there are four-year-olds that are that or seven-year-olds probably not four But you know, so it's not it's not an insane thing to get but I mean I Do know that once those once so say say there's somebody I hear something right? Yeah, I get out of bed. I

Starting point is 00:17:54 Go over and then I realize the scariest part is you have to turn a corner in your home. That's oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so from now on I turn and I go like I'll turn and be like hey You know, I will turn like I'm here or something like that like something so that if there is somebody there about to attack me They're not just gonna get on to something. That's like sinking away. Yeah, I had a T-shirt I bought at Kanye West Life of Pablo tour It was a like a double XL airbrush t-shirt and on the front it had a Airbrush painting of Donda West. Mm-hmm. Okay, and on the back it had an airbrush painting of Robert Kardashian Kim Kardashian's late father

Starting point is 00:18:35 Okay, and OJ Simpson's attorney. I was at home a few years back and It was New Year's it was a couple days after New Year's and I'd had a New Year's party where there'd been balloons and shit So the house was still, you know Messy from it middle of the night of the alarm goes off screaming alarm like the loud ass someone just came in through the door alarm Oh, so I get out fucking threadbare boxers. Donda West Robert Kardashian t-shirt I reached behind the bed for my eastern bat and it's not there. Oh, I must have been showing it off downstairs

Starting point is 00:19:11 Okay, so now I'm going I'm like I'm out in the In the hallway and I'm like I got a rush down the stairs Which had two turns to it. Oh, and I'm like I've got nothing Except maybe the t-shirt to buy me some time of confusion Like if I jumped out and you saw a big Donda West when I spun around and there was an equally big Robert Kardashian And it said rest in power. You'd be like, huh? Like you should give me a minute of a holy shit That's a really nice hologram show. Am I exactly am I a Coachella or just like wow? That's a really nice way to pay tribute to your parents

Starting point is 00:19:46 And then I could fucking I don't know any but I could I could I could do some Miss Piggy like karate It's fine. She would fly through there and I go down and it's pitch black and I'm just in the darkness and Right then a balloon decides to lose just enough helium that it floats down Like big-ass yellow balloon floats down right in front of my face. I've never like it's an Asian guy is it more like Yeah, I've never been murdered by a clown But I bet right before you're murdered by a clown a big yellow balloon And I said out loud not like this

Starting point is 00:20:27 I Was so Existentially scared and it was I was just like not not now Not like this I love that man murdered by a clown in a dome to west Robert Kardashian. What a way to go though. Yeah, I mean it'd be in the paper You know summertime is knock knock knock in on the door baby summertime. I hear the heat and Our friends at shady rays. Have you covered for the warm weather ahead with premium polarized shades at an affordable price? That's right. Shady rays is an independent sunglass company that offers a world-class

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Starting point is 00:23:02 Wow, man, there is you know, it really is a test of in those moments. What happens, you know There was a famous UFC fighter. This guy Lionheart Smith who's an amazing guy He's from Ohio and he got attacked in the middle of the night at his home by a guy on methamphetamine Whoa, and he said it was the hardest fight. He's ever been in his life Just cuz he had that meth never gonna never gonna give you up energy. Yeah, I think he had that yeah that meth like Whitney Houston Is that Whitney Houston never gonna give you up? No, never gonna let you down. It's Rick Astley. Oh, is that what Rick rolling is? Yes, okay. Yeah, that's how I know it. Yeah, interesting Did you ever do methamphetamine?

Starting point is 00:23:40 Did you ever do methamphetamine? I never did man. I never did. I always wanted to same. Did you ever smoke crack? No, okay. Did you neither? Yeah, always I Didn't get to do freebase. I did I smoked cocaine a couple you did yep, and the people smoke it out of I You always see that kind of like Glass pipe with the smoke stains in it. You do it off of foil. Oh wow. Yeah I Get one year sober tomorrow. You do. Yep

Starting point is 00:24:12 Congratulations. Thank you, man. Holy shit. Not trying to make it about me, but please make it about you. It's important only two of us One year tomorrow. Yeah, congratulations a lot of our listeners are People that struggle so yeah, what's been you do you mind me asking you when I saw you I probably saw you Two months ago, and you told me you had like ten months. Oh, yeah, were you did you take time off from working like what was? Like I got sober during the pandemic you got sober during the pandemic. I went to two different rehabs and by December 2020 I was sober. I mean I was in rehab then right But it was weird because it was this during this kind of pause for everyone, right? So what a blessing that had happened in in some ways. Did it feel like that? Did it feel like that?

Starting point is 00:25:05 I don't man. I was I gotta say I did not experience the pandemic the same way other people did I I don't know like I was I was using a lot. Oh really and I Just it didn't feel like it didn't feel like anything that different. I feel bad saying that Yeah, I mean you was very bad saying that because it was been pretty hot. I mean you must have been pretty Yeah, or into getting high. Yeah, you weren't even doing the pandemic If you don't know there's a I'll say this. I didn't know that the nasal swab tests hurt until

Starting point is 00:25:45 Well after I got sober, okay, and then I got one not numbed up by cocaine and I went What are they I used to get him that was like what is everyone complaining about? Yeah, he's don't feel like Oh Did you so cocaine you liked cocaine Xanax clonopin Adderall Percocet Riddle in any kind of speed. Oh, so all that speed, huh? Mm-hmm Would you get I would get so scared at night when I was high on cocaine, right? Yeah

Starting point is 00:26:18 That I would be like googling. What can I take with cocaine to go to sleep? And that would take me so many hours. I'd look at so many there'd be like you get on these answer sites and people's like Yeah Yeah, I go to Quora, right or whatever that is right. Yeah. Yeah count a count now from 60 and you'll be dead people would say stuff like that And you're just like oh my so you didn't have like cuz that's the thing I actually you didn't take any downers I didn't take any downers. So I would lay there in misery. I would Google like can I go may I ask did you know about downers? I guess I knew about him, but I just had never taken him and I was so scared to mix something with cocaine because I Killed me. That's what I was fearful. That was your worry. Yeah

Starting point is 00:27:00 I kind of thought if I net if I didn't have the right balance Yeah, I was more like if I don't have enough in the right amounts then something bad could happen But as long as I'm balancing coke and Adderall was Xanax and clonopin. I'll be just I remember I walked into my Intervention, I just been to my drug dealers apartment and I finally got the right balance One pocket all Adderall and coke one pocket all Xanax and I was like I have Done it. I reached equilibrium. Yeah, open the door and people Yeah, it's okay. Were you high when you went to Europe? Yes, but I was insisting that I hadn't used drugs

Starting point is 00:27:41 I went look I am sober right now. Look at me. I am sober right now I kept saying and were you good enough to convince those people that you were no I was pretty strung out by then so it didn't I I could present really well for a long time Yeah, but I'd reached a point where it was just off the rails. I'm seeing that about you. You're a very good presenter It's yeah, a doctor at rehab was like it scares me how good you are at Presenting like everything's fine. Wow. Yeah So were you When you got sober a year ago tomorrow, you were were you busy with all this shit you do?

Starting point is 00:28:21 I was just in my I was like I was in my garage and I would thought I was gonna just I was just miserable I wasn't even using drugs really. I was drinking some I was burnt out and exhausted, but I just had no Program. Yeah, and I was like literally I was just crying and my brother was like man I I just can't live I just I just can't live Like this and I know it sounds like such a weak thing to say, but that's just where my mind was, you know What do you mean was that a weak thing to say? I don't know There's something about it when you like look and you know that you have food and you have shelter to be in a space where you're like

Starting point is 00:29:02 To Feel like something is wrong with you that you can't Fix mm-hmm. I guess or if you're just someone who likes to have control and thinks you manage well and you're capable Yeah, there's some real thing that feels like Almost weak and I I'm not saying it is weak, but it feels weak sometimes to be like Something's wrong with me and I can't There's nothing I can do about it. I felt like something's so wrong with me that I have like I've overrided

Starting point is 00:29:37 Like cuz we're designed to survive I'd overrided the desire to survive like when you're like when when you want pills and drugs more than you inherently want to Like make it through the day. That's some weird Reverse evolutionary shit. Yeah for your brain to basically be able to run the scenario and go We haven't slept in four days We chain smoke. We eat sour patch kids. We'd never drink water

Starting point is 00:30:09 We're blowing tons of coke. This isn't gonna last and you go. I think I think we're gonna keep on Think we're gonna keep doing this Um, so you were deep in how'd you get so deep in because I don't think anyone would look at you and think this is the Coke guy. Good. That was the whole thing Um, I mean, I've certainly tried to talk about it on stage as having had like a Drug and alcohol problem, but it did it just I don't know. Yeah, it didn't something about me seems So to me, it's like well, of course the guy that seems like he has it all together has the problem Because that's just like how life is. It's Texas. Yeah, it's almost like this textbook. Yeah

Starting point is 00:30:57 But that's I don't put that on other I don't put that on you to be like how come you didn't see it then because I was I also I really thought like I I really thought that I was doing life. I was able to achieve it life with the drugs as opposed to in spite of them It took me a long time over the past couple years to realize that I did well at what I do in spite of drugs Not because of them. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, cuz it'd be fun. Yeah from an outsider I would always look at him and be like, oh that guy Yeah, drugs would not help that guy Like that guy is his own

Starting point is 00:31:31 He is so unique in his own way that anything to like a Bass that or something or debase that would only mess him up But I would have thought I would have thought like I'm delivering something people really like and I think I'm delivering it because I take 230 milligram Adderall's and then one Z bar and so I'm really sharp But I don't seem jittery and so I go on a podcast or I go on a talk show I'm just I'm delivering and I'm giving people what I'm naturally good at but I'm a little tired So I can't naturally do it. So

Starting point is 00:32:05 It's okay. It's okay to take it's okay to rip open time release Adderall and dump the beads down my throat and then Pop a clonop in because then I will get to the level that I naturally am at Like I just got to deliver what I'm good at and right now. We're running on a lean mixture and it used to be easier But now it's harder. So whatever I'm putting in my body to get to that is fine. That's like a acceptable You know acceptable You're like your own you're like your own Gepetto almost in a weird way. Let me think about that How do you? in what way like you were

Starting point is 00:32:44 Because if you were kind of running if you wanted to get yourself you were a little burnt out You're trying to get yourself to the place where everybody loves you at and where you know you operate best at So yeah, I wanted to be like I'd see myself Never see a well at some I see a clip me like I need to be like of myself be like I need to be like that Oh, yeah, how do I get? How did that guy's confident has a bunch of things to say? Yeah, how did he get that? How did I how did he have the thoughts? Oh? Yeah, I thought look man. I miss my old self sometimes You're you're using self. No, just myself like a few years ago. Yeah

Starting point is 00:33:20 There was some yeah, that's what I was chasing something. There was some moment maybe You know like 2007 I didn't know what it was, but I was like I had some Electricity in my eyes. Yeah, where you know, wow, it's so I gotta get back to that I just got to get back to that and I just got to get back to that. Yeah, I got it somehow. It'll happen Somehow I'll find the right amount For real, you know like I'm a hundred percent serious. I that's That yeah, that's what I think all the time. I look at old things and I'm like, oh man. I miss that guy. Yep

Starting point is 00:33:53 That was a yeah, that's a really entertaining person. Yeah, and I don't even put it on I don't even mean like and I and I people demanded that I'm not acting like I Couldn't have taken a break and you know, it's not like the audience demanded this and not at all It was what I wanted to do. It's what I oh, yeah, I don't yeah I don't get that perception. Yeah, no, okay, but it's interesting. Yeah, I wanted to get back to I wanted To feel back to myself. I wanted to be like that guy was so creative and original I know now I think some of it take drugs because you want to feel like you're 12 or 13 again

Starting point is 00:34:26 It's a little messed up. It's a little messed up, but it also makes sense. I think if you For me as some of that goes back to I think I know I felt like I missed out on some childhood So I pardon me wants to get back to that. I think there's some cycle a lot Psychology out on it. Just missed out on like having some moments of childhood that would have felt more comfortable and fun Okay, but I think part of it is I I Used to like the element of surprise when people didn't know me Uh-huh, you had an element of surprise to people. Yeah, and there were and there was something that was

Starting point is 00:35:07 Nice about that it was like It made you be able to be the only one who presented you to people Yeah, and then as you get more popular I think is the term that I'll use or where people have seen more of you Then there's some expectations or the this the the thing of surprise Which made me feel like unique that I can just be the controller of me Yeah, that goes away because people have already seen you and have some interpretation of you. Mm-hmm, and so I think This all may sound really ego-monocle, but that

Starting point is 00:35:46 bum me out a little bit because I think the only thing I ever felt like I had when I was growing up was myself Okay, and so I wanted to be able to authentically present that as much as I could yeah, and And and that goes away as you get more people have seen you does that make any sense a hundred percent, okay? I mean, I don't know what it means dude. People used to have stage names for a reason Because you know they could go home and be like You know Johnny Starlight is the guy on stage John Mulaney is me the person who I you know the person like I gotta say I Don't You know there's some real destructive part of me that I've worked on a lot

Starting point is 00:36:31 But I wouldn't say I have low self-esteem day-to-day, which is a really nice thing And it doesn't seem like you do either So it it becomes like You know, I like myself Yeah, if you like yourself and then yourself is out there in the world and it and they seem like You just got to think of them as two different things I'm not saying this that articulately people had stage names because they could be like well, that's something else Right, that's not me. That's not the little kid. I was right

Starting point is 00:37:02 Yeah, I think now he comes from like those people would have fake names because they'd read a review of themselves And it wasn't their real name So they'd be like, oh, that's not me, right? That's a thing now. We're so it's hard now Everybody knows everything about you You're within reason. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to detect. It's hard to keep some things to yourself It's even hard to Yeah Yeah, though, I mean whatever whatever people put out there is also right who knows if it's real or not

Starting point is 00:37:33 Yeah, but it's like it used to be like Like I remember we loved Michael Landon growing up, right? We had drawings of them and once a year mom Yeah, you have highway to heaven behind you. Oh, yeah, we meaning your family. I mean, it's whatever whatever Political party builds that dude. I'm voting for him. I'll tell you that, you know I He was dying through my whole childhood it felt like like Michael Landon Like I just remember being a kid and being at the supermarket and like every National Enquirer was like Michael Landon's final battle And I was just like is this person I didn't even know he was an actor

Starting point is 00:38:09 I thought he might be famously ill like just a guy in a jean jacket who was always sick Because I never saw a bonanza till like it was on Nick at night and then Yeah There he is. God look at him So what you were into Michael Landon from we loved him from a little house on the prairie. Oh You know, it's crazy that one of the first times I learned about drug withdrawal was from little house on the prairie Oh, I know what episode you're talking about. Yeah, not fucking crazy that episode I know nothing about little house on the prairie, but I saw that once

Starting point is 00:38:44 I think Michael Landon stays up with the kid who's on opium and yeah, what's it out? It's like basketball diaries level really is in the middle of whatever the hell else used to happen on that show cook and stew or Whatever walnut Grove. Yeah, a lot of like I mean, that's when pink. I you would lose a twin to pink. I Remember one episode they had would be born with pink. I and it was a real. Oh, you lose one. Yeah, there it is That's Albert Engels right there. He was addicted was that that care? So I know nothing about the show was that that character's whole deal was that he was a morphine addict or was that just a special episode? No, he was adopted and so he had this kind of like interesting like Space he was always kind of could play this outsider character

Starting point is 00:39:27 But he he was a friend of their Daughter, he was a friend of the daughters. Okay, Albert Engels, you know, I saw Nelly Olsen one time at a Starbucks She was the blonde on the show. Okay. She was kind of like I really only know the opium episode, but okay But I saw her and I I was excited. I you know, I know she wasn't excited to hear me Tell her I saw the little woman that the member the principal and kindergarten cop She's smaller woman Let me think her name is like Linda not Linda Ronstadt, huh? No, not Linda Ronstadt the singer Linda hunt Linda hunt Thank you. I saw her at Bristol Farms. I was excited. There she is. Oh, remember. She goes. What did it feel like to hit that SOB? Yeah

Starting point is 00:40:17 Anyway, I saw her at Bristol Farms. I just made me I just thought of that when you said you saw Nelly Molson yeah Nelly Olson So why did you bring up Michael and and I'm sorry I took a son of we used to love him and we would draw every year Mom would like it usually at Easter. Honestly, we would draw a picture of me Whoever like draw the best picture we'd get like a candy or something from wait. Are you and your siblings would do this? Yeah, and whoever would draw the best picture of him would get like a candy or something from mom and And he was supposed to come to town one year or something like at the fairgrounds or something where'd you grow up in Louisiana? Okay, but something happened. There was like a storm or something. He couldn't come and

Starting point is 00:40:56 Oh shit. Oh, yeah, all the women's hearts were broken man. Mom went down there and it was like our big like mom's gonna meet him You know, oh man, did you guys bring the pictures to show him? No, no, we didn't go. Oh It was just like women only yeah adults only Michael Landon meet and greet at the county fair Yeah, and I mean and I just remember mom coming home and it just was sad Yeah, for real But yeah, it just made me think you couldn't know any more about an actor or character at that point They were almost just their character. And yeah, if you saw some tabloids, you could learn some stuff behind them But you didn't it's hard to even

Starting point is 00:41:34 Now I couldn't I didn't even know about his career. That's how little I knew about Michael Landon I just thought this man is battling cancer like on the regular in all denim Yeah, I thought highway to heaven was I don't mean this like as a joke like not at all I thought highway to heaven was like not a documentary, but I just was it was like He was always dying and then he had this show called highway to heaven and I just thought they were somehow I was like, oh, this is just someone. We're all watching through go through the final stages of life Yeah, and turned out he had a big acting career Like this guy's in traffic to get to heaven like how long yes, yes, yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:42:11 But yeah, we missed I mean that was a bummer for us when you look back So whenever you start whenever you so were you surprised that you were an addict or did you know you were an addict? I had like Skin deep self-awareness of like I have a drug problem. I love drugs. I like them too much I don't like them the way other people like them. Hmm. It's not like. Oh, that was fun Let's do that again in two weeks. This was like I think think the plan for the morning should be to get more of that I knew I liked them more than other people, but I it was But no not to the depths that it was what do I mean to say?

Starting point is 00:42:52 I had us I had a surface level awareness and I would joke about that and and and say, you know Oh, I got sober in 2005 which I did but I slowly got back into pharmaceuticals Over the next, you know, 13 14 years prescribed then not prescribed or prescribed then abused but prescribed Then bought on the street then everything. Were you buying them up a craigslist and stuff like that even? No I always thought that might be cops smart um And it's pressed pills. It's a lot of like I have friends even before I had an awareness that there might be fakes out there like that I've definitely bought Adderall a couple times and

Starting point is 00:43:35 Snorted it and thought this is what is this? Yeah? Oh, I bought a whole thing of something one time and did it all and it wasn't it wasn't cocaine. Nope. No god Yeah, and I don't know what it is and I still imagine one day. I'm gonna walk past a chemical and And it's gonna connect a little oh, you'll smell it or something You smell a chemical and you'll remember that that was what you bought. He'd be like, oh, it was me. Yeah, I'm saying yeah No, it's the the realization that I actually Had no control over this Took a long time. Wow

Starting point is 00:44:10 It's a hard thing for people to convince. It's a haul. I mean, I still struggle sometimes even if I sit in a meeting and There's still part of me. It doesn't want to say I'm an alcoholic Yeah, or an addict. I to me I go it's more complicated than that. Yeah, like you don't get it. It's not It's not that I'm like It's not that just that cocaine's addictive and when I do it. I'm addicted. It's it's a different thing I use it in a different way and the way I see it in my relationship with it and it's just yeah I kind of have a romance. It's like a I romanticize it a hundred percent. I Realize everything in my life. Me too. Yeah, do you think you're in a movie?

Starting point is 00:44:49 No, I don't I do think I'm in a Like one of those fun houses sometimes but the fair is fucking closed, you know Oh, wow and it's storm came in and Michael Landon Michael Landon cancelled Who was the first famous person you ever met if Michael Landon cancelled it? Hmm? Let me think of who it was. That's a great question. Maybe saw Probably the dare officer at our school, but he wasn't like nationally famous, but he was how famous was he? He was like the biggest guy they ever made in the whole world and what do you mean when the car would pull up? Like I remember one time he like shot people from the car

Starting point is 00:45:26 He couldn't get out of like the officer vehicle or whatever wait a huge man He was a oh, he was a big fella. There's an obese man and He and he would come to speak about dare. Yeah, and he got out of the car But there were tales of him at crimes where you just pull up and to start popping off You know because he couldn't at some point he couldn't even get out of the vehicle Oh, so he'd fire from the vehicle and open fire. So he was like in our area. He was pretty popular Ronald Reagan Was his name? No

Starting point is 00:45:58 Also happened to be named Ronald Reagan The first fame I don't know there was this saw like did you see Reagan somewhere? No, but we built the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in our town. Whoa, he was supposed to come and he didn't come I didn't realize this he you built the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in the US Yeah, or in the world 10 foot tall look look it up Zachary, please taller statue of Ronald Ronald Reagan. Yeah, Reagan Covington, Louisiana. There you go. God damn That's not a bad statue. I thought they did pretty good You know what I would do if I was putting a photo on this website as I'd show how tall it was

Starting point is 00:46:37 Yeah, as opposed to these close-ups It's a great point. I see it in a cowboy shot, and it's supposed to be real bronze But that's out that could some of that could be a rumor, but oh wow, and there we go. Oh, so okay. Oh Look at the look at the oh whoa. No, that's nice. That's huge Yeah, they did a good job Pistol Pete Marovitch was from our lived in our town and so his sons went to our school Ian Were they good at dribbling and stuff? They were good. Yeah, they were good. It's a good movie that pistol. It is good In somerhalder. Do you know who that is that sounds really familiar? He's a he's an actor. Can you look him up in somerhalder?

Starting point is 00:47:16 He went to our school when he was like the most beautiful guy that ever existed in the world and He would just come to the first day of school. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do know. Oh, that guy's got light eyes like a husky That's yeah, yeah, like those dogs with the light eyes. Oh, yeah, like riff raff would own this guy But he he would come to school the first day Just so all the girls knew that he was like in town and then just go off and be like a supermodel But he would always come the first day of school. Oh, so then you ditched the rest of it. You just be like I exist And then he would ditch the rest of the year. Yeah, he was like a kind of no dummy. No, it was oh He was smart. He knew how to do it, but he was too almost too handsome even exist kind of you know, like

Starting point is 00:47:57 He was just that Dracula handsome, you know, yeah I remember as a kid not realizing that people disliked Ronald Reagan like I remember being like that's the president so everyone likes him Yeah, and then this kid in in class Matt Murphy, he told me Ronald Reagan hates poor people and I said Well, that'd be impossible because he's the president and he's like the best person in in the world because he's Why else would he be the president? Yeah? I did not have nuanced political views at that time. Yeah me neither

Starting point is 00:48:31 I think yeah, I thought somebody was the president and they just cared about everybody. Yeah, it was a it was an outlandish charge Yeah To go from I was I was clocking him as best person in the world now to find out He especially doesn't care about poor people. Yeah, you know Morgan Wallins on tour and so is Suicide boys. I love both of them Jesse Murph is touring. I like her. I like a lot of different bands and performers Park of McCollum all of that And that reminds me actually seat geek

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Starting point is 00:51:07 Shipping and a custom Theo Vaughn sticker for the first thousand people to order the samples That's right go to www.gamersupps.gg slash Theo Vaughn and use code Theo Vaughn to get free shipping on free samples for the next 24 hours I'm trying to think of who was the first famous person that you met Because you've run in some pretty famous circles now. Well, but as a kid Hmm and you're from where you're from Chicago, Illinois. Oh wow. Yeah, we grew up in the city Mike Dicca Maybe did you see him? You know, I'm trying to I feel like I saw Chris cellio Jim McMahon somewhere

Starting point is 00:51:51 But I can't I Can't I can't square who was the first I ever saw Jim McMahon Jim McMahon or was he just so famous? I felt like I knew him. That was a weird thing about growing up in Chicago in the late 80s early 90s as we just I I just thought that wherever I was the best basketball team would be like I didn't I kind of associated it with my own Well, yeah, and having my own presence and moved to LA. Wow. That's crazy I was just like well, of course like my you know and everywhere we would go on vacation and people be like Chicago Michael Jordan I'd be like, yeah, I know like we got it. We did it. We got it

Starting point is 00:52:31 We got it covered and then you move to LA and then And yeah, and then I moved to New York. Yeah. Well, also the bit of the bulls just you know, they were so good 97 98 99 I saw BJ Armstrong at my gym. Wonderful. Wonderful guy, and I love seeing him Yeah, every time I see him. I'm like, I know it's you and he's like you've told me that seven times He's out here in LA. Yeah, he's an agent. I believe it a sports agency but um super nice guy, I think it went to Iowa or Iowa State for College, but I Always that would get so excited seeing him America loved that team though. I mean unless you were like in Cleveland or New York

Starting point is 00:53:11 Yeah, I met Barclay once or I met him twice because he hosted Saturday Night Live a couple times Did he only host once? No, he hosted twice, but I was only there at the one time and I asked him about the dream team because we You know with Barclay like we weren't gonna write together So Tuesday night the host would walk around the different offices and Simon Rich this writer and I that worked together a lot We just asked him we go. What was the dream team like and he went? Oh, man He goes if you ever get a chance to go to the Olympics do it Okay, I'll make sure you but he told me he goes we we would beat those guys by a hundred points

Starting point is 00:53:48 And then they'd ask for photos. Wow. He was like it was the greatest time ever of Anyone doing anything? That's awesome. Larry Bird was on there. Yeah, John Starks Horace Grant made that team member. Yes, he did 92 David Robinson Horace Grant made the team pretty sure David Robinson Scotty Pippa. I don't know if Horace made it You're right he didn't Scotty Yes, Scotty Stockton Clyde Drexler. Yeah, who always looked 55 somehow

Starting point is 00:54:23 Carl Malone Out of Louisiana Tech. Yeah, he went to Louisiana Tech. He did Christian Leighton was on there I wonder how interesting that was for him Christian Leightner No, Bobby Hurley. He always looked like the richest guy in the world. You know, he had like the most he had that it was a haircut It was just a haircut thing. Yeah. Yeah Let's zoom in on Leighton a little bit. He kind of had the most punchable face in a weird way Which is a messed up term to use but he had it man. He had the most damn punch

Starting point is 00:54:52 Was it him or him? Christian Leighton is right there. Yeah, Christian Leighton or you got the magnifying glass right over him He looks a little zooted out there. Yeah Dude, I ended up did you ever have a weird scenario because I had one like I ended up in a taxi cab All right, zooted up man Some girl where do you mind? Where were you living at this point? I was living out here Okay, and that's when I kind of like I had a couple nights in a row where I got really just just coked out, right? and I started just and Then I was in New York one night and a girl said something to me in a taxi

Starting point is 00:55:25 Oh, I tried to give her a smooch, right? And I wasn't being aggressive or anything. She was flirting. I tried to give her a smooch She kind of like rejected me. She was kind of mean about it, right? Or I took it as mean, right? Okay, and it was fine. She got out of the taxi. There was no animosity between us. It was just You know, it wasn't gonna happen and but then I something in my head like I told the driver Let's go get some cocaine, you know, so next thing you know me and this taxi driver getting some cocaine and and Then he at one point wants to get some hookers, you know the taxi driver. Yeah, I'm surprised He didn't think it was a sting that you were asking to get cocaine. I feel like that's a lot of drivers actually get pinched that way

Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah, I think I think maybe yeah, I guess you didn't give us you didn't seem undercover. Yeah. Yeah, I seemed over cover probably Or I see that I think he's like damn somebody better cover this you were covered. Yeah So anyway, dude fast forward a couple hours later. I'm driving this guy's taxi. He's in the back And we're talking about an LA yellow cab. We're talking about a New York. I'm sorry, New York New York Yellow cab, okay, great We're up in North Harlem. I'm driving this guy's taxi and he's in the back with a hooker, right? Did he have the beaded seat thing? How was the seat comfort? The seat the back seat was pretty nice. I know but the front seat once you were driving. I

Starting point is 00:56:50 Thought it was pretty good. I was pretty scared. I just wanted to get back to my hotel Sure, sure, and I didn't know I just I would love to be up in that cockpit for a second You know of a real New York City yellow cab and just see the setup because I never get my setup, right? It felt drinks to phone cord to just like I never feel like I have my console, right? Yeah, you're right. I'd like to see how they do it. I think it never it felt like somebody had sat in there who had like It felt like the guy in there was that like he was gonna leave his children probably Okay, it had a sinking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could feel the despair also the guy was in the back seat That's true. So it wasn't just yeah

Starting point is 00:57:29 So in terms of his vibe you it had you had it coming from a bunch of directions, right? And then anyway, so I ended up on and I had to do opium Jim Norton that morning, right? Oh, so I ended up on the radio and Daryl Strawberry was in there and I Get to the radio station. I can't even talk, right? Yeah, I'm just like Blasted out of my brain, you know, and I'm still thinking I was still ducking off in the bathroom I'm doing cocaine in the bathroom We're in the stalls at Sirius radio Andy Cohen's in there peeing in the next one talking to me, right?

Starting point is 00:58:00 And I'm just sitting in there just blasting up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and uh And then what I wouldn't what I would I would always kill for the single occupant bathroom Yeah, with the key. Oh When you got in there, you're like God, it's your office. What won't I blow this line? Yeah? I got every surface imaginable. I'll do counter I've do yeah counter the saddest part was doing some cocaine off the um baby changing station Yeah, I got a joke about that in my new special. Do you yeah? That I yeah

Starting point is 00:58:34 Just for you. Thank you But yeah, so that was a that was a night for me when oh and I saw Daryl strawberry He was on the radio station, right? Oh, you saw Daryl while gacked up. He was the other guest. Oh Wow, so that was a moment for me where everything kind of lined up. Could he tell? No Hmm, I don't think I had on sunglasses, which was weird. I've been doing well going on this show Yeah, and I had on sunglasses and I could barely talk I remember yeah And that was scary because my only gift I had in my voice So the only thing in my life I'd had to express myself was my voice. Yeah, and suddenly I couldn't use it

Starting point is 00:59:11 Okay, and you had and your mind which you now had to use because you were gonna be interviewed on the radio Yeah, and it was real scary and then also this moment of seeing Daryl strawberry someone who I'd always thought was all Coked out of his brain sure cuz that's all I'd ever heard. Yeah was the old stories. I didn't know that he was a sober guy And had his deal together. Oh, yeah, I assumed he had his deal together, but I did think he'd be able to spot you still Yeah, I didn't know what I thought I think okay, which I don't know if that even makes any sense But there was some alignment at that moment of like me not having control over my voice Me having a perception of somebody else that was false or something sure and that just lined up and You hadn't slept and you were on cocaine. Yeah

Starting point is 00:59:55 But that line up for me that I needed something whatever that like like like the What's that thing you tighten with the colors in it kaleidoscope? Whatever the kaleidoscope is that it makes people have to realize that something is wrong Yeah, though the that was the moment where it was like. Oh, that's interesting. I could see right down Those things never made me Those like being in Midtown Manhattan have a meeting have a you know have a big like Production meeting on something and you could be okay. Get there get there half hour late Desperate to have a cigarette so like finding an abandoned office and smoking at the window and being almost very much in trouble

Starting point is 01:00:39 And it being really clear those moments were so about surviving that that hour that they I never thought about them With any deeper perspective. I never thought oh my god. What has my life become? I was just like I It would be easier to take the train I'd be faster to take the train home to my cocaine, but I can't do coke on the train So it was all just like Figuring out the video game of being a drug addict. Wow took up It was just a scramble for the present problem and as soon as that problem was solved. I moved on I Wasn't like I can't believe you know I remember I went I

Starting point is 01:01:15 I went into a meeting Holding a bottle of Pedialyte because I was not eating anything. I was just drinking Pedialyte doing cocaine And I was I was with people I knew and we were waiting for other people to join the meeting that we didn't know And I said if my nose bleeds or if I pass out, it's because I have a sinus infection Don't worry, you know, and I'll give a signal if I think I'm about to pass out and then Then and I even to them. I was like because I'm sick, right because that's why Wow, yeah, what's the signal too? I can't remember Something like I got you know Geronimo

Starting point is 01:01:55 What'd be a great thing to say before you pass out and your nose explodes with blood that that covered it well Or timber timber. Yeah, uncle. Yeah, yeah, I cried uncle to do all of life to the gods. Yeah Wow, so people just didn't know, huh? Well, they reached a point where people wondered Were you getting too big and pop were you getting too popular that people were even afraid to question you and kind of thing I don't think so, right? I don't think so because like I Was I've been very lucky with

Starting point is 01:02:30 I've been very lucky with having An audience that's grown and grown but you know You got a that that's a certain level before no one will question you right I mean they have that level I was on TV sometimes, but I wasn't like, you know, right? I wasn't Steven Spielberg or something. Yeah, Michael Landon. Yeah, I wasn't some Michael Landon who a bunch of yes men telling me doesn't need to show up to the state fair That's shook us man What I have a lot of people did you have a lot of people around who knew about your problem? I have family members It's like addiction is in my family. Yeah, so

Starting point is 01:03:10 there's um So I remember I would drive by the AA there's an AA room down the street from where I stay in Los Angeles And I would drive by there you do the parking lot sometimes and one time a family member of mine was like, you know Normal people aren't driving through the parking lot of AA meetings to see what's going on, right? So there was something inside of me that wondered and the biggest thing for me is a mo is like it like Make trying to keep my emotions sober like I wasn't insane like I definitely partied some I Don't drink because I'm afraid if I have a beer, I'm gonna go get cocaine. I've never had a drink in problem Yeah, I'm gonna take one sip and then it just gives me an excuse to get coke, right?

Starting point is 01:03:53 Mm-hmm, but mine was just always like thinking something was wrong with me. I always felt like I've always felt like something like there's a to-do list that I never even wrote. Yeah, that I'm responsible to do and The pain the energy and the responsibility of it is always on every day when I wake up I'm like, I gotta go. I just have to do so always have to do so this just I have to prove I'm trying to prove myself to nothing. Yeah, I don't even know what it is So that was something in my life that made it tough That just exhausted me, you know, so a lot of my stuff came from that kind of thing like Just feeling inferior trying to always make like I'd I'd fall in love with a girl

Starting point is 01:04:36 And then the second I if I got a date with her the second I did there was some other girl It was like just always needed more always needed something else There was always a missing piece to me being okay. Yeah, and there was no there. I could there was never a piece I could find that was gonna make it that would fit right no piece out there It was just there was something wrong with my program a little bit. How did you feel at that time? Did you feel like? Other shit needs to other people and other things need to fall into place. So I'm happy or did you feel like it was on you? You know people who blame the outside world. Yeah, they go yeah I my problem is that people come into my life and create stressful situations or that thing of like if you meet one asshole

Starting point is 01:05:17 One day you met an asshole if you meet an asshole every day. You're the asshole. Mmm. I think that happened kind of later the like But early on it was just I'm not doing well enough. I'm not doing enough to be okay for myself Was what it turned into Doing enough like in your career in anything something Yeah, and it was always just the invisible thing like Nothing was ever I couldn't manage well enough to make things. Okay. Uh-huh. Even if I was managing great, you know And I couldn't enjoy I was never I was never enjoying myself. I was always caught up

Starting point is 01:05:55 How can things be different or better or you know? So a lot of that stuff for me a lot of like Not even knowing who I was like I need to Needing you didn't let me know who I was if I was okay. Yeah, for sure all that kind of stuff. So The drugs was just I think uh, I like drugs because I like cocaine because it I could feel how I wanted to immediately Yeah, of course like liquor and beer and stuff. It's like That was just a bunch of damn Just yeah, it's it postpones shit. Yes. I wanted the express train. I wanted to feel how I wanted to feel right now

Starting point is 01:06:34 Oh my god. Yeah, but then I would get by we getting I would end up be by myself looking at pornography You know just geeked out looking at hooker Just it always devolved into some weird space for me to and well, yeah, and you're chasing some You're chasing I mean people say you're chasing the first time you did cocaine. I don't think that's true. You're just chasing the Yeah, you're chasing the first line that night. Oh, yeah, and if I think about doing cocaine say if I think about it, right? I think some I'm at a party, right? There's somebody you open a cabinet. There's some tits in there for some reason, right? It's a party, you know and Somebody has some cocaine if I do some in this hypothetical situation

Starting point is 01:07:14 Yeah, the next thing I think about doing is another line of cocaine. Oh, of course I don't think about enjoying the party. I don't think about if you know, uh, no, I think about getting a bat I mean, I just go okay. Well, all right now. We need a bag of this and Yeah, fewer people that know about it the better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now that was a fun thing, too It was the secret espionage side of it. It was almost like you were oh my god Yeah, you were like the the bad guy that everybody was looking for you talk about the Craigslist thing I mean, there was a guy. I don't know guy I was a Craigslist dad that someone was selling Adderall in LA

Starting point is 01:07:49 the ad was written like home from finals and have all this leftover Adderall and I remember thinking I remember thinking how can I pull up And I was like, how will I know if it's a sting and also I kept thinking like this is a pretty low stakes sting For the LA county sheriff's office to be behind Like to want to meet in a recreational park to sell someone Ten Adderall. It's a lot of manpower. Yeah on a pretty small movement

Starting point is 01:08:19 um And then I thought will it help or hurt that I'm a little famous Oh, like when I pull up will it be more like Could I yeah, will I be more noticeable or um Will that become a distracting thing or like officers? I'm just you know Of course, it's not me I don't know man you paint so many greats in there

Starting point is 01:08:44 I was so late all the funniest thing was I was so late to meet drug dealers because I was a cocaine expert Everything was always running and I had a dealer in LA who was Fury, I mean she was so angry about the time. She was always like we don't do should we she had some operation with her Sons are saying we don't do this. We don't do this. It's like a family recipe. It was just like this is a half hour late I was like you got your you got to understand your clientele like we're nothing We're not waking up ready for our errands. We're not waking up Yeah, yeah, we've been up. We've been up. There's I'm you have to go to a bunch of different atms. You know that this is a this is a process

Starting point is 01:09:27 Yeah, I'm on a pediolite hotline right now. I'm chugging pediolite and if I yell geronimo It means I'm about to pass out. You got to cut me some slack. Also la traffic is a real thing I thought taking wilton would save time I had a dealer once who preferred to deal in front of police Stations who preferred to deal in front of police stations on the theory that if he got jumped He would rather be close to police. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense I guess so wasn't the most fun It's scary. Yeah, it wasn't a great meetup

Starting point is 01:10:00 Oh the scariest like I remember like this guy would always bring his husky with him, right? So okay, the husky would come up to the car first, right and kind of he's like, you know the drill Pause out like just up to the window. Yeah, and you like, you know, the drill willis is going to circle the car or whatever The husky's name willis, right? So I'd be sitting in there and I was what's that drill? What's the what's the husky doing the husky would kind of come up and just go around the car You had to keep the windows down to make sure there weren't other people in the car I think just you know, I think he you know

Starting point is 01:10:29 The first time he brought the dog in just in the sat in the back of the vehicle Okay, so the dog we get to know your smell, right? So I think now Now the dog had like a semblance of, you know, who was who right? Okay So willis would come up and he starts smelling but I would get I was so just gacked up. I was just paranoid, right? And then one time he gets in man, and he just starts crying the dog um The guy the man The guy I don't know if I'd have been able to know I maybe I could have noticed if the dog was crying

Starting point is 01:11:02 But I don't know if I could have but the man got in and wept And he started crying. Yeah, and he said his mom had just died. Oh my god And I Did it slow down the transaction? I needed to get that coat. Yeah So it was like I remember in my head being like for 60 seconds you have to talk about Hmm his mom or make sounds that are Sad sad sounds. So where's willis at this point? We'll sit in the back. Okay, so I just between you two

Starting point is 01:11:40 Yeah, kind of like we assumed we assumed dogs eyes move back and forth. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and I just remember just like Making just like kind of sad like god, that's awful. Just like oh That's awful. Oh Oh, I never and or one of the sounds was like It was like Oh Like it was almost a little not sad. It was like, oh, that's the worst sound

Starting point is 01:12:05 Oh, you just you went through your your sfx bank and you just hit a weird one. Yeah a through z of sad sounds. Yeah. Yeah And you know just like but I remember I got to one I was like oh because I'm just thinking I'm ahead 60 seconds sad sounds 60 seconds of sad sounds get to the coat get to the coat. Yeah, and the dude is crying man. It's just So moments like that where you just like what is going on? I don't know how to handle this Well, I will say there's a lot of factors in that story and in Yes, you know, you could have had more empathy in the moment, but He's also a drug dealer who brings a husky into your car and willis is sitting in the backseat. So it's an odd situation

Starting point is 01:12:50 Yeah, it's not like anyone else would have handled it a lot better Yeah, I always took odd situations like that like it was totally normal. I think and I still yeah 100% nothing about that Nothing about those things I remember thinking like god the day is how do people get through their day with all these meetups they have to do Yeah cocaine dealers, you mean? Yeah, just over like, you know, yeah Buying pills. I was like man. I was like what I can barely I got a call, but I'm supposed to meet this person before I'm not gonna

Starting point is 01:13:18 You know how many business calls I did on mute? You know like on a street corner being like thank you said six you said six you said six. Yeah, okay cool Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I mean we love No, like we love the script you said six I was like it was a real uh It was exhausting. It was exhausting

Starting point is 01:13:43 Yeah, but it kept you in the moment. I'll say that I had reflexes like an alley cat. Yeah, you know like Yeah, could grab this It was like uh People meditate to be in the moment, you know, like when people do like mindfulness meditation It's to be fully present and like when I was trying to get drugs. I was full I was like, okay bird siren off in the distance Bicycle that's the second time like every single thing we're here. Yeah. Yeah, it did put you right there Put you right there. There was some immediacy. God damn it. Maybe there was something about that that I really liked about it

Starting point is 01:14:14 That it put you right like Because now I will say this I've thought a lot about the moment, right? Like the moment doesn't exist as much as it used to the moment It used to be if something happened, it wasn't recorded all the time It wasn't captured on a phone If you had a good story, you had to get to your friends and tell it Yeah, and if somebody else had a good story, you had to get them to the party that he do listen to what happened around, right? Yeah, and that was the only way the moment was like

Starting point is 01:14:44 It wasn't able to be captured, right? Okay, so it had so much value Whereas now all moments are captured, right? So it's like There is not as much value to them in a way because they're Yeah, well, do you think that's The capturing of it like you mean you can get a photo or a video of it or do you think that as we get older We just had so many moments they become I don't know they just become a little less

Starting point is 01:15:15 It's a good point like time like time people say that about time. That's a really that's a really good point Like time when you're young everything takes so long But when you're older it takes it goes faster because you've done it so many times Yeah, like the most we I mean we both get to do really exciting things But we've done versions of them before And you go, oh, this is this is yeah, okay This is how I thought this is what I thought it might be like Okay. Yeah, it's the same feeling is

Starting point is 01:15:42 You know the moment Yeah, I think I never take stock in the moment really I never do I just like I never like Playing the world's greatest venue or I never I mean, you know, I later I can appreciate those things But I never have uh, I remember I was down Uh in the bottom of Patagonia in Chile and it was like all glaciers three hours from Antarctica

Starting point is 01:16:11 I was just staring at the sunsetting over all these glaciers and I was saying to myself like try to enjoy this try to enjoy this try to enjoy this just Just later. I appreciated it, but I'm never really Oh my god. Do you think that the world is boring to you and this isn't a judgment of you. This is like like sometimes as uh I think as somebody who's been in and out of recovery and stuff like that I've noticed at times that I looked at the world in ways the world always felt a little bit boring to me Um, I used to have that. Yeah, I I did. Um

Starting point is 01:16:48 Yeah, what do you think or that boring or that boring? Not that the world was always boring, excuse me, but that boring was the absolute worst state to be in Boredom was intolerable Yeah And it's tough if you have a creative mind because a creative mind can get kind of bored kind of easy because it can think of different things Yeah, so it has more toys to play with you know I also have a thing so

Starting point is 01:17:13 It's less like you were saying you had kind of a the grass is greener envy for you always wanted more some other scenario. I also Like I reached a point where I felt um I felt very satisfied. I remember I was doing this tour in 2017 And I was on stage at a theater in st. Louis And it was sold out

Starting point is 01:17:39 And it was a tuesday, you know, it wasn't like and I remembered when I first went to the comedy cellar Rock or one of these guys being like anyone can sell out on the weekend wait till you sell out on a wednesday or a tuesday So I'm on stage and it felt like the end of the movie comedian, you know the documentary Seinfeld Which when I saw that I was like, that's what I want I want to stand in a theater and do stand-up like that's what I want and then I was doing it And I thought it wasn't a bad feeling But the feeling was okay This is it. This is all this is kind of as big as I pictured

Starting point is 01:18:12 Like and I'm doing it and that's great right, but I had a slight feeling of I don't know Okay, I don't know what's next like I was a bit um I Started I started to freak out because I was kind of sat. I was a little satisfied Yeah, but I but I don't want to I don't want to make it seem like it was a good feeling. It was an odd feeling Yeah, or sort of this is it. This is what I wanted and it's pretty cool, right, but having a goal really kept me

Starting point is 01:18:48 Occupied and I wasn't sure if I had another one. Wow Wow, dude, that sounds like a great entry to Like a murt like a Detective scenario having a goal really kept me. Yeah having a goal kept me moving and I and I had reached another one Yeah, it seemed like I mean it was a very very lucky golden. I got a pee man. Yeah I'm gonna pee real fast. Okay. Cool. You're right 100% um When you think about like you're so I think that these days there's kind of like too

Starting point is 01:19:20 Can I ask you something else about addiction? Go ahead? Okay? I think there's like two types of addiction that I notice. I notice people that are like Alcoholics right like they have what is in like the the big book of alcoholism. You don't want to talk about the disease Yeah, yes, they have the disease of alcoholism Then I also noticed there's this other group Who have opioid addiction, right? Yeah, yeah, and it's not I'm not saying that some of them couldn't also have alcoholism No, but there's something about the I mean, there's something so insidious about opioids and how they get in people's wiring

Starting point is 01:19:56 Yeah, that you're not I don't want to get into the whole like willpower and disease and I know that a lot of people have a lot of feelings about that all of them valid But you're not choosing to take that opioid like that that is some science fiction level shit the way it gets into people's uh You know limbic system and like you cannot stop taking them you are in agony And is that and that just seems like

Starting point is 01:20:26 That just seems like some other uh There should be a different word for it other than addiction because I think most people associate addiction Most people would say like yeah, it's not a choice But you guys are choosing it a little bit and there's I don't know it's a I really do respect everyone's thoughts on that because it's a tricky fucking thing But with the opioid compulsion to take the opioid or the dependence the opioid dependence, I guess that that does feel like something else sometimes Yeah, it's almost like they made a cheat code for your dna

Starting point is 01:21:00 Yeah, it'd be like if you you know if you like Handed someone a someone who doesn't like cocaine and you handed them a flower every day with cocaine and they smelled it They'd eventually Want more cocaine you're yeah, it feels like you're getting into the wiring of people who We're just looking for pain management, right, right and we're not looking to feel um You know some sort of Psychological physical

Starting point is 01:21:26 We're not we're not trying to feel some drug doubt feeling right Yeah, we're not trying to change their state of consciousness. I guess yeah, it's almost like they just They took into an older lab and like we're going to find some way to trump the the system Yeah, I mean drugs are already overriding Your desire to survive in a lot of cases and opioids it seems like 10 times more so yeah Yeah, that's one thing. It's just unbelievable to me. It's like and how our country lets that kind of happen like How our drug administration like that did you see dope sick? I did. Yeah, it was excellent. It broke my heart. Yeah

Starting point is 01:22:02 You know it just like You think there's a I think it used to feel like when Reagan was in right Back when Reagan yeah that there was never never did a thing wrong Right, but or just whoever it used to feel like at a time in in in life, right? And this could be me romanticizing life that there was a time when your government or some overall governing bodies like They looked out for the Humans for the people in the country, right? Maybe and maybe that's a just a crazy view

Starting point is 01:22:36 But he used to no, no, no, I don't mean I didn't make a face like crazy But yeah, I guess and maybe that was just me being a kid and the yeah, yeah, it could have you know Yeah, I think there's a but then age now it seems like You do not can't you cannot count on your country to look out for you or your the administrations within your country I'd say that that's what I got out of dope sick kind of it was like they trumped the Because they hired people from the food and drug administration and then work on their own board and they kind of like They made it so they would keep getting these pills like past like able to be

Starting point is 01:23:17 Yeah, well, it's the basic problem that with With harmful habits, I know that sounds like a corny way to say it but with things we Do to ourselves where we have a morality play about it, you know, like Oh, yeah, they took they took opioids for Post-surgery and then they couldn't and then they they couldn't stop and they started lying to their doctor and it all it very quickly becomes Something got set in motion, but you the user of the chemical you're kind of the problem Hmm, you know your you don't have strong willpower You would rather be high on an opioid. I mean and and there's

Starting point is 01:24:04 again like It's a strange thing. Here's how I sort of feel like is Our drug addicts making a choice when they use drugs. This is a crisis we set in motion But I don't think we're in control of it at all at a point I mean this is because it's a crisis whose timing you can't control like the the immediacy of drug Addiction you can't predict you have no power over once it starts, right? um, no, it's it's that we see it as a story of uh

Starting point is 01:24:37 A bad thing you did, you know, like I think some people look at tiger woods and they go his pill use is kind of because he had a tragic Character flaw earlier in his life as opposed to maybe the guy that has to perform at that level physically Might develop a dependence on pills. Hmm. I do think people like to read into The dependence on drugs some sort of like deeper moral problem you have. Hmm And it might be because when you are on drugs you make seriously a moral decision sometimes So I don't know So I don't think the country's

Starting point is 01:25:15 ever looked out for I think a lot of I mean I don't judge people for having a harsh view of Addicts a lot of people have addicts in their lives and you can't just go It's a disease and I you know like it it can really um It's very painful to other people Yeah Oh, yeah, I mean it's a mess

Starting point is 01:25:37 They're a mess. Yeah life's so hard already life's like Life's like a table piled high with so much shit like a bad You know when you go to like a little restaurant in the tiny circular ass table and they don't have room for anything Oh, yeah, the table piled high with shit and drugs come in and Drugs you think you're gonna solve all your problems and they kick the legs out from under it. Yeah, they're just a mess It's it's They're a disaster They're a disaster

Starting point is 01:26:08 Do you what do you think I know people use them and they don't feel it? No, it's some people are just for myself They're a disaster Oh, yeah, I remember I got back from that trip of doing the taxi driver ended up dropping me off After you did opium. Yeah, right. So then I had to go to the hotel go to the airport after Oh, I ended up I get to the air on the way to the airport. I'm still texting the taxi driver Yeah, seeing if he can get us some code like I'm leaving There's no oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm texting the guy I've been up all night with And then when I get home, I had left some cocaine on my counter

Starting point is 01:26:46 I finally get off the plane. There's a miserable flight. You're just kind of rattling the whole way. Yeah, you get there I walk in my apartment. There's still some cocaine on the counter and I did it, of course And I was like I gotta get some help Oh, okay I would never For one, it was my part of my career I'd worked so hard for and then I'm having good opportunities like opium gym was an amazing opportunity to be on there And I was letting drug like drugs were there was just like and if you'd asked me the day before would you ever go to opium gym

Starting point is 01:27:17 High on cocaine, I'd be like you are out of your mind Yeah, and so there I was, you know So I was like, wow, I have no control over this. Um And then it becomes who the hell scheduled opium gym when I'm in the middle of eye cocaine Are people nuts? You want me to go to midtown Manhattan? To the serious satellite radio building and record this When you were growing up, were you a hard kid for your parents to kind of deal with or do you think that they

Starting point is 01:27:42 No, I tried to keep my personal life very separate from my family I really I like I knew I didn't want to bring trouble home because that's everyone I I looked at people who would get in trouble a lot and it's like They'd leave their cigarettes out. They'd you know they They'd tag up their own garage like whatever right right. I was just like leave that shit outside. Um, so you were good at hiding things I was like, uh

Starting point is 01:28:14 I was like a Michael Clayton of bad kids I was like I kind of I was like a fixer. I was like, all right. Here's what we're gonna do. He's the fixer Yeah, have you seen that movie with George Clooney? He's a lawyer who kind of like I mean, I guess he doesn't fix the major problems in the movie. So So But he's a fix. Yeah, he just is a like, you know, we're gonna get there it is the truth can be adjusted

Starting point is 01:28:38 Yeah, there you go That's the that should be the tagline for stand-up comedy A lot of these sound like the titles for his vessels that you would have I feel yeah, the truth can be adjusted John Mulaney, baby But yeah, do you feel like it was any part of your like childhood that like do you see that like Part of your addiction like or do you not is there not a big connection there? Yeah, there's I mean, um Uh, I do know not at all I do what I do and I don't let it interfere with business a k in that case school

Starting point is 01:29:20 And I don't let it interfere with my business meaning, you know eighth grade freshman year of high school And I don't bring that shit home, you know, I don't um I don't smoke pot of my parents has whatever it was. I I I took great pride in in having a Hard separation between my life and my family like real mafia like rules like we don't talk I don't bring that home to my family. Yeah That's pretty amazing. Yeah

Starting point is 01:29:47 Because it made my life easier not to yeah I mean, I almost got kidnapped twice and I didn't tell my parents because I thought it was gonna Have come up dinner. Yeah, I just thought it was like I need to be able to move free around the city I'm eight years old Okay, I got shit to do and if they think You know, it's dangerous. This is gonna slow me down. Yeah. Yeah That's kind of the voice that comes out sometimes in your material You'll be telling the story about being eight years old

Starting point is 01:30:11 You're like, but I need to be able to move free about the city. I don't have time for this. Yeah. This is the game I'm in folks. This is the game. I'm in. Yeah. These are the decisions I've made Yeah, yeah, these are the choices we've made Um Were you a happy kid? Yeah, I think I was just kind of a loner I I didn't really trust the world. So I got into my own space pretty early. What were your hobbies? I like to collect stuff and hide it under my I had three shelving unit in my in my closet I like to hide weapons under my bed

Starting point is 01:30:43 Did you yeah for home invasions? Oh, yeah crowbar Um Hammers Yeah, ready to rock. I I was on the third floor of our house. I figured I figured I'd hear I thought no one in my family was ready. That's what I thought I saw cape fear the Robert De Niro one My dad's a lawyer Like nignolty in that movie and I was like, oh my god, nignolty gets his ass kicked

Starting point is 01:31:08 Like my dad would get his ass kicked by Robert De Niro. Yeah long hair Robert De Niro would beat the shit out of my dad So I started to put weapons under my bed and I was just ready to go And my whole plan was that the the circuits for the house were also on the third floor So I was going to shut all the power off and now they're on my turf. Hmm Now I'm in charge Yeah, and I'm 10 and I got a crowbar But you're planning it's interesting to have almost so so many of your own like plans. It was stressful though. Oh, yeah My parents wouldn't set the alarm. I was just like you are fools. This is a dangerous world. Yeah

Starting point is 01:31:45 And I'm the only one ready to rock. I am locked and loaded Bro, I would I was so scared like our neighborhood like people are like dogs are always giving birth and people were always like They would always catch men like kind of gay and around like Like married men like in abandoned pools and shit in the neighborhood and people were always doing pills and You know and getting you know filing lawsuits down at the fairground because you go to the fairgrounds like a day early down there And for 50 cents, you could ride any ride Why would people file in lawsuits because they go do that and then they try to you know The every you know half the people that show up or like laying outside of the road. Oh, I got you. Okay. Yeah

Starting point is 01:32:22 Yeah, you know just that kind of shit like did you feel unsafe as a kid? Oh, yeah Okay Yeah, people would drive by our house and like throw rocks through the windows and yell the n word and stuff and it's like We're not even You know, it's just like what that could be very confusing to it. Yeah. I was like, well, I don't even know Yeah What's happening? You know, it was just a scary place, right? And so I remember at night I would like I wet the bed every night

Starting point is 01:32:50 Sure, I'd wet the bed two or three times at night and so I'd get up some nights and have to clean the sheets and lay them back down and then if I did a third time I wouldn't even have any sheets. What a lonely activity that is. Oh little kid in the middle of the night Just when you're washing your own sheets Just waiting by the dryer. I mean like yeah Up all night. No one's maybe your parents know but you're smoking invisible cigarettes even. Yeah, just like Okay, I'll switch them What a lonely what a lonely little errand kids have to do

Starting point is 01:33:22 Dude, that probably was one of the loneliest moments of my probably I would say in my childhood Not and not try to get into self-pity, but it's like that was something it would be like man. I hate That I do this because I'm scared. I feel like something's wrong with me And then I always have to do this by myself, you know Oh, yeah, because it would take you know It would take a good 20 minutes if you clean your bed up and then put on some other sheets and then You know, um Even if you didn't have to go wash them, you know if you had to wash them the next day or something

Starting point is 01:33:53 But just to make it all clean, you know get out the car or the cleanser and clean that's clean the stuff But I remember I would look in my closet. I would tie Tie a string from one doorknob to the other Like I would make I'd have to look outside of the windows and look in every corner just making sure Why would you tie one a string from one doorknob to the other? And then I put a couple of jails on a couple jingle bells on it Okay, and then you'd hear them if somebody went one way or the other if someone was coming into your room Yeah, okay, so there was just like a ton of like a lot of fear. I had a ton of fear when I was a kid

Starting point is 01:34:24 Yeah, and then I guess when you're in fear you kind of like Fear is kind of a lonely place to be. Oh, it's very lonely. Yeah, so you're always kind of You're the one who's looking out. Yeah, so I think maybe a lot of that kind of shaped how I was when I was young, you know It's probably what hell is Being very very afraid That's a good interesting call Yeah There's nothing worse than being really afraid really ashamed and afraid is rough

Starting point is 01:34:54 Oh ashamed too if you put that in there like well if you add to it like I'm in this disaster and I'm to blame for it. Yeah Yeah Did you have any issues as you got more popular with your own ego? probably but uh But because I've noticed those in my own life, you know, it's not a judgment. I'm just curious. No, no No, and I'm not I'm not trying when I say but I'm not trying to dial it back. Um Yeah, I mean

Starting point is 01:35:25 Ego is kind of a scary thing right because you don't really know where it is Yeah, I don't know where it is and you don't know what doses are healthy You know how some people have like good boundaries. Yeah, and they're like no I don't allow this and you go like that sounds Like sometimes there's a side of me that thinks that boundaries sound stuck up Uh, like that doesn't work for me. I don't allow a hundred people to crash on my floor out of nowhere, you know And I'm like, but though like

Starting point is 01:35:51 I always uh, that didn't really make sense my example. Um, no like I uh Let me think about that. I feel like I'm rambling right now. It's my ego for sure like Like did you feel like once you achieved like some level of success, like do you think success was your driving force? Like what do you think kind of was some of your driving force to do stand up and to To entertain like where do you think that kind of comes from for you? Is it a necessity? Is it a desire to be seen as a creative? Is it

Starting point is 01:36:26 What do you think do you have any thoughts on it? I have many I'm trying to um Let me try to think of a semi-interesting answer Yeah, I wanted to I wanted people to say That guy's the best at what he does Wow Me even if it's 10 people right I wanted I wanted

Starting point is 01:36:47 Some people to go that he's the best at what he did. My dad's a very successful guy and very um Very smart very He just he he had stature to me. He still does. I mean, but he has stature. It just People would tell me growing up. Your dad's the smartest person I've ever met. Your dad's the best attorney. I've ever seen like he just I wanted stature from a young age, I think That makes sense now, which is a strange thing because what does that mean? That means you've already accomplished things past tense or

Starting point is 01:37:24 And also it's not great for a comedian, you know, you know, I don't like when I don't want to be a comedian where it's like Everyone respects me, but I'm not funny anymore. Yeah, I don't think you could ever be that that's nice of you to say But we all we're all running from that. Oh, that's a good next bet. Yeah. Well, it's interesting You say about stature because you almost have this Thing sometimes and I don't know or maybe I'm trying to see into this a little where it's like can't you like you almost Operate in a way that and you said it yourself like I've I've done this Like it's already completed like a little bit guys. I'm already the number one entertainment in America Can we just sit back and please enjoy it? Right? Yeah, even though we even though you couldn't even enjoy the moments

Starting point is 01:38:08 You know, it's like even though it's like but that's almost like what I would perceive like stature to a kid. It's like It's already been done. You know, like it's already Yeah, it's like the first concert I went to was when I was 11. I went to see Frank Sinatra for my birthday Of course you did. Yeah And what else would you take you to? And I I asked my dad for tickets. I I Or I told my dad, you know, Frank Sinatra is coming to town and he was like, what? Uh

Starting point is 01:38:36 You know, he's a busy guy. He hadn't totally been checking in with me in a couple years. It's like Jesus. All right so then we went to see Sinatra at a casino in Aurora, Illinois and uh Yeah, that's what I wanted to come out and be and everyone just go like this guy's the best Wow. Yeah, there's no question You know, when you walked out, I I don't know if I've ever I've been jealous a couple times when you walked out in your radio city special The way that thing looked I was like man Oh, well, that's all Alex Timbers our director and but I said that guy looks like a real guy. That's what I thought to myself

Starting point is 01:39:13 Thank you. That was the that was the intended. That was the desired effect. That guy looks like a real guy Yeah, I'm very envious when I come into like when I when I've run into you Um, like I don't I don't I feel very out of place in like LA a lot like I feel like you guys I feel like I have this thing of like I'm scared to go to the store. I'm scared to go to the improv you guys kill in a different way That I can't do I feel like I get I

Starting point is 01:39:48 Think there was a time when there was certainly like kind of like uh It was like There was the same guys kind of at the store a lot, you know, no you specifically use because you're You seem like you're having fun on stage. Oh, thanks. You're extremely funny Thank you. You seem like I wish I could be as I wish I could I feel like you're able to access a different level of Um

Starting point is 01:40:21 understanding of comedy that I don't and I I when I see you perform or I watch you I I have a lot of I have a lot of envy that this man is This man is very good. That's nice. You just say that's that's that stature. I was looking for yeah This man is a 10 foot tall ronald reagan. This is a 10 foot tall ronald reagan that reagan won't even visit. Yeah I feel like you can go Any I feel like especially these days the comedy store is very much like I don't know if they're even it's not even that There's not that many people performing over there that are headliners really, you know

Starting point is 01:41:03 Yeah, I guess and that's not the term. There's not as many There's a lot of new folks. I think like I was doing the bourbon room last night and I was backstage and I have this thought a lot where I'm like I'm just like I wish I was funny like I wish I was funny like Like I I'm gonna get out there and I'm gonna do my thing and I just like I fucking wish I wish I was like like watching your special. I'm like, I wish I was like that. I wish I was fun Oh, that's sweet of you

Starting point is 01:41:34 Yeah, I wish I like because you're working on two levels at once You're working you're working on two levels Where you know You both know and you don't know what you're doing. Yeah You know exactly what you're doing The only other person who can do it is like Tracy. I feel like you like You operate at one level. That's extremely silly and funny, but you're you're aware of that But what you present to us is that you're not aware of what you're saying. Yeah

Starting point is 01:42:03 Yeah, yeah, and I don't know if I am sometimes either. That's the toughest part. I think you are but it's but but it's but I don't know and that's what's really That's what's very captivating about it. Oh, thanks, man I mean, you I remember when Nate Bargazzo is on your podcast You said that you were waiting till you got a little older to watch Malcolm in the middle. Yeah, and I think about like I think about that a lot, you know, thanks, man. Just what exactly that means Yeah, I think some things I'm just saving. You know what I felt like most of my life I felt like a late bloomer, man I felt like only in the past few years when I got into like trying to get into recovery and stuff. Have I started to even grow up?

Starting point is 01:42:44 Oh, yeah, I felt like I put a lot of like I didn't I've put a lot of my evolving off and a lot of me's never wanted to grow up because I still want to give up I still want to get the things I deserved as a child from my environment from my parents And I think there's a part of me that like, I mean, I can feel it when I even say that I can fucking feel something inside of me

Starting point is 01:43:15 Grip the literally grip the fucking skin inside of me. Yeah, like don't make me grow up without Being able to have had some of these things There's a feeling You needed to have as a kid that you didn't have. Yeah, and you don't want to close the door on that until you Can give yourself that. Yeah, and I think it makes it real Uh, it almost makes me hate growing up because I'm never going to be able to get back there. You know, I know that sounds kind of crazy, but

Starting point is 01:43:50 Um Like I'll never be able to get back to those moments where Like my parents should have been in a certain way or things should have been safe or I don't know But man, I it It hurts me. Yeah, you know And some people say it's like you got to get over those things and you have to go through your step work

Starting point is 01:44:16 And you have to let go of resentments and and I believe that right But There's something inside of me that's Even though I do those things That still is having a very tough time Letting go You know, um and growing up It's tough, man. That that part for me has been tough and I know I some people may sound that sounds like a baby or whatever

Starting point is 01:44:42 Uh, that's okay. I can't I can't deny what I feel, you know or what I know It's not even a feeling. So what's wrong with a baby? They're pretty interesting. Right. That's a good point actually The the world wasn't that you had some times in the world wasn't that kind to you when you were a kid Yeah, I didn't trust it right out of the gate. Yeah, you know, and sometimes I don't know why my mother had a really tough time like, um Knowing if there was something wrong with you. She couldn't she had like almost an emotional autism I use that term a lot, but and my father was real old. So I think I was always scared. He was gonna die, you know Sure

Starting point is 01:45:17 And uh, so it made it just I don't know the recipe was really weird, man So anyway, I talk about that stuff a lot. I'm not trying to harp on it But there's sometimes you just have to wait for yourself to get there, you know, it's like you can do a lot of the work on the outside But sometimes it's like that inner child or whatever they say like that motherfucker can be a little slow, you know Yeah And might always and and he might always be like that. Yeah I mean you got a lot You got a lot out of being that kid too

Starting point is 01:45:50 Like your independence the confidence you have like you had to adapt In a different way and a lot of that has helped you a lot. Yeah I'm not saying that makes up for it. I'm just saying sometimes I wonder myself. I go I think I'll be like this all always forever. Mm. Yeah, I think this might be it and And maybe that's all right, you know, I love the way you're able to have this you have this very like, uh Looking at the presentation of yourself and like almost like it's a judge at a kind of School fair, you know, like this is like the judge at a Michael Landon drawing contest Who's gonna get the treat? Well, guess what?

Starting point is 01:46:32 No picture's gonna be perfect because it's a bunch of fucking little kids drawing Michael Landon Yeah, so not one of them is gonna be perfect, but the effort and the joy of watching a bunch of little kids Draw Michael Landon for their mother hoping to win candy Is the is life? Yeah Do I have the best drawing? Yeah, I don't know but it's just the fact that everybody's doing it is the good time I guess yeah, I mean, dude Nothing sounds more fun than a family having a Michael Landon drawing contest. Oh, man. We were keyed up

Starting point is 01:47:07 We were excited Trying to think of what else we can talk about You know, oh you got a special coming out. Oh, sorry, and we'll start. I'll put that in the beginning We have what do you think about new specials as you get as you get Older. Yeah, and as we get further away from this the the part of us that That was the first special. Yes Yeah, let's just call it let's call the exciting part of us the first special Yeah, do like has it been tough to evolve as a person and as a comedian?

Starting point is 01:47:41 Has there been scary moments where you're like, I don't know if I want to evolve like who do I evolve into? That's something I think about sometimes. Yeah, I was more uh You know this special I've got coming out um Is kind of It isn't kind of it is about everything from intervention through rehab and after So at the moment or in the past two years I haven't wondered what I'm going to talk about on stage

Starting point is 01:48:14 but now having shot this thing and you know, and I'm really really happy with it And it's longer than my other specials and it I'm I'm thrilled that it's longer. It's kind of this was the time to do this Chunk of material this was the moment in my life to do this with that gone now. I start to wonder. Hmm. Yeah Now I'm now. I don't remember how to do comedy And oh, that's a great statement. Oh, yeah, I don't last night. I was like, I don't have jokes. I don't Maybe I'll try this old one that it was part of the hour that I cut

Starting point is 01:48:49 But I just I don't what is going on here. How do I do this? I don't know what I'm doing. Wow Yeah, that's scary. It's really scary letting something go putting out something that's new putting out something that's more like Obviously we tell stories that are based on our real lives or I have moments some of them You know, but to put out something that's like really this is like me just tracking part of my life And it was a little bit like I can't I can't do I can't talk about other things until I get this out. I don't mean like people were waiting for it. I just mean I don't this

Starting point is 01:49:26 I this has to be what the next special is And it was rather easy because there were lots of stories from it. Um Wasn't easy to To get it where it was, but you know, it took two years of touring, but it uh, it felt like Okay, inevitably There's you know over an hour of nonsense that happened. Yeah so

Starting point is 01:49:53 Do you is it interesting like Because some people I think as we get older they want us To be older In a way or they want we have to evolve or something right because for sure You know, we can't have the same thoughts and stuff that we had when we were 10 years ago or 15 years ago when we were starting Well, I don't know is that is anyone saying that no one is I mean that might that's a good. I mean wanting to evolve is a good thing. It's scary though I think we're always arguing with some straw man. That's not

Starting point is 01:50:27 Really there of what like what we should be talking. I mean, I don't think that's a good point. I was just doing that Yeah, and now it's trying to bring you into it. No, I did that last night. Yeah, right I was like, oh, maybe I should be like Maybe I should have a lot of political jokes. I thought this standing back. I was about to go on Well, you're respected enough man, and it's such an interest You're so yourself that if you just get up on stage I Am curious as to what is John thinking about no way that's nice you to say but Like I went and saw Stavi at the Pittsburgh improv Stavros Halkias. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that I was like god

Starting point is 01:51:04 I was like, that's a person who's just funny right away. That's a person who's funny where I'm like I'm willing like I'm just gonna watch him talk to the crowd. I'm gonna watch anything. I I would kill to have that. Wow That's well, I guess everybody wants a little bit of something else, you know Or would love to have moments of the other person, you know, oh, yeah Oh, yeah, that's like Stavi's. Wow. He says I see a lot too, and I don't say it that much He does. Yeah. Yeah, he does you like say I feel like he's almost does it deliberately you think I think he I think he knows exactly what he's doing Yeah, he might for it right away or Brody like yeah like that Brody very interesting the Brody was

Starting point is 01:51:49 He's almost a reverse psychology. I didn't even know he was doing half the time up there. I mean Brody like Oh, I oh, I mean The amount of times I went why can't I I Here I am. It's my own show. I'm in a theater. I'm in an arena Like if I could bring the same excitement that Brody brought to warming up Uh, a Chelsea handler audience, I'd be I'd have it made. Why can't I have that thing?

Starting point is 01:52:19 You know What do you did someone at some point in your life or did some straw man tell you that you don't because Like when I watch your special last night, I was watching the um Um Yeah, I mean some some boy tells me you're I'm boring Some some voices over you're boring and no no one wants to hear this and you're not fun and you're not You're actually not you're not good at performing your own material That's something dude when I watched that I was like man

Starting point is 01:52:47 um And I'd seen it before but I was like I'm just so involved even when you go to get the sip of water and drink it out of the cup And you probably think man was a last-minute decision. No stool. So the water's got to go somewhere. Yeah, it was really interesting I was like that he put it there. That's what he's doing But you probably hit it behind a light bulb while you're going to get it. Yeah Oh, yeah, that was like bored right now known in that moment I was like can I pick up a glass of water without dropping it in front of six thousand people

Starting point is 01:53:13 Because I was like I've never had it on the floor before so No, I mean listen. I also I I don't mean to sound like oh, I feel like shit about my Well, we always like what I do. We always just want to be something. Yeah. Oh, it's funny. I think there's no doubt There's probably There's probably 20 guys when I watch I'm like, oh man. I wish I had some of that. You know my god Yeah, that'd be really cool. Absolutely. And you know what? I don't think there's anything wrong with that I think it's a totally healthy thing. I think we've been talking a lot about also The things in us that we feel are missing but

Starting point is 01:53:43 It's quite it's a good thing to watch stavros And be envious. Yeah, like that's that's something that gets me or comedians who write jokes that I'm like, you know When I hear a joke, well, I just saw Nate's special. I was like god, I wish I had those That's exciting. I know I there's nothing to me unhealthy about that. Yeah, that's true. It's nice. I think and it's really just an admiration to that person But I think that there's so many people that for sure that look at you and think that way Like I wish I could be as put together as that guy, you know That's and use the word haberdasher. I saw in one of them. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 01:54:23 Harry Truman ran a haberdashery that went bust. Did he that's the first time I think I heard that word Little kid hearing about Harry Truman. Some guy opened one up. I think by us when we were growing up and People thought it was like a hash den or whatever and they shut it down. I remember. Oh, wow. Yeah but Um in this violent place you were growing up someone tried to open a haberdashery. Yeah Very nice. They had a lot of narks bus a lot of people were always doing narkin, you know Oh, yeah, where they get some kid. Fuck you know, there was a thing called snap Was it called snaps? It was this weird program in Chicago where

Starting point is 01:54:58 Chicago PD would send um Like two 13 year olds up to a bar to try to get in and then they'd bust the bar I knew I knew this one kid whose dad was a detective and they so they sent him and he went up and he went Don't let me in I'm here with snaps I mean if that was true, I In retrospect, I can't imagine that would be like an actual cpd program

Starting point is 01:55:28 But I like that he I like that he didn't want the bar to get busted. Yeah Then he could probably come back the next week and be like, I did you a solid Yeah, let me in. Yeah, then he like gets carted out and yeah, then he gets carted. Yeah, um What was your like you remember like your first relationship growing up? What was that like? What do you mean like dating and stuff? Was that tough for you as a kid? Are you pretty good at it? No, I wasn't good at it. Um I didn't realize you weren't supposed to tell girls how much you liked them Because in movies, that's what the

Starting point is 01:55:59 That's what the hero would do is he'd be like, I Love you so much and they'd be like, oh my god. No other guy at school talks this way, right? So I thought okay, you got to be like that You got to be like these John Cusack types who tell you how they're feeling and No one really likes that. Yeah, no one likes that. Yeah, it's too alarming for people The reality of it is too alarming for people, but that was also like again like romanticizing Romance I was just like no one had I brought a heaviness to that that I think people were like this is you got to relax

Starting point is 01:56:32 This is you know making out in winter coats here. Yeah. Yeah. This is not anything that serious You don't need to be making speeches. Yeah. Yeah, the train isn't leaving the station one. Yeah. Yeah, and this isn't Casablanca or something You need to like Yeah, we're gonna share a menthol and then hook up standing up Like you need to bring it down a notch with this monologue Did you how did yeah, this is your first cage at the end of family exactly. Yeah Have you seen that is that where he can choose between The two paths. He's got we got a house in Jersey. She's tealing on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we've got two kids Annie and Josh

Starting point is 01:57:12 Yeah, and he like explains to her what their life is like If she doesn't get on that plane you can always go to Paris just not tonight God, dude. Is that a good one? Man, I haven't seen it in some time. It's good, man It'll make you believe in something What was your first relationship? Mine this girl, um, this girl was like kind of doing bj's at school when she liked me, right? And I didn't it was like she was really funny. That's what I liked about her

Starting point is 01:57:43 But she was also doing bj's, right and people were and nobody was doing them. Sure. And so It was kind of nervous because I I liked her Right, I really liked her because she was really funny and she was really cute But then the doing bj's part. I kind of I liked that But I also was embarrassed in a way because I didn't Want people like people were like kind of like You know other people were judging her because she was doing bj's like real early and you thought they would judge me They thought your motives would you thought your motives for hanging out with her would be suspect

Starting point is 01:58:20 Right and I thought that they would judge me somehow. I've always um I've always been like I've always taken on the responsibility or taken on the paint or the judgment that other people put on somebody that I have attached to me in a weird way Um, oh, you mean you get um, I get offended or I get like embarrassed Oh, wow For like something that like uh, somebody else will do that. I attach myself to

Starting point is 01:58:51 It's really not fair. I think I do that too. I think I do that too. I it's really not fair I had a girlfriend that used to she wouldn't know where people were like when we're standing around somewhere She had bad peripheral vision and yeah, the worst dude. It was unbelievable So she would always we'd be talking beautiful girl. I loved her But she'd always like walk right back when somebody was walking. I'm just like and it ruined it for me Wow, you felt her embarrassment. Did was she herself embarrassed? Not that much. Oh interesting. So you weren't even feeling her embarrassment. You were just feeling the only embarrassment Yeah, it was almost like the universe had to give it to someone and she was unaware

Starting point is 01:59:28 Yeah, but I would take it on though and I would always be like, I'm not gonna let you be a reflection of how people see me No matter who that was and I think that probably goes back to my childhood I was very embarrassed in my situation that I was in or something about it made me uncomfortable. So that's how I behave still It's it's it's not fair to other people, you know, but then you also like I use the way you grew up And those things and now you know that they're of interest to talk about

Starting point is 01:59:59 Right. Well, it's a big part of my still operating, you know, so it's like some stuff I still have to really work on I think, you know, I say or look at I see But only recently in the past five years if I noticed how all these things play a role in my life Yeah, um But yeah, that first relationship. So yeah, and then once so we went to a party one night and everybody knew that I was gonna maybe You know, she was gonna do a bj on me or whatever. Okay, so We picked like this tree to do it behind, right? And did you talk to her about it? Yeah, we kind of having written letters at school about that specifically

Starting point is 02:00:34 Yeah, okay or talk to a friend, you know, her best friend like it's gonna happen So I'm so nervous dude. I remember I would barely even go all the way here We're probably in seventh or eighth grade. Okay. Wow Yeah, and I remember just being so nervous dude, uh Yeah, I could barely even walk over there and I get by the tree and then We like barely even said any words, you know, and then She might have felt a responsibility to do it now because we planned it, you know, I don't even know Well, you'd exchange many letters over it. Yeah

Starting point is 02:01:07 Yeah, and then she starts doing it and then the girl's mom whose party house it was Like we're behind a tree. So the only thing you can't see is the actual kind of bj and you could see me and her Okay, and then the girl's mom came out and busted us and it was so and she was uh, it was just so embarrassing Um, it made me oh I just felt so much embarrassment. I think for yourself I think for both of us, you know, mm-hmm But what yeah what she's doing is embarrassing me, but then I'm also here receive, you know I'm in I'm here, too. You were definitely part of it. You're half of it. You might say

Starting point is 02:01:46 So anyway, that was I think, you know, I had some early on comfort with that Uh And just the fact that I loved I felt like I kind of loved this girl Yeah, and other people thought that there was something wrong with her Uh-huh, and so I think that made me some, you know, I don't know. I think it did something to me a little bit, but Changed your perception of her Yeah, and it just made it changed how it made me often like really conscious of what people thought of who I attached myself to

Starting point is 02:02:18 And you still have that today. I think I do still have some of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of unhealthy Well, but it's okay. I just you know, it's something I think I got to go through some difference, you know work on it more and that's fine but Yeah, it's all okay, man. You know, it's all okay. Yeah Yeah um John Mulaney, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about?

Starting point is 02:02:45 um I don't want to take up too much of your time Because we've chatted for a while. I think I want to ask what does baby jay mean Because where are you calling your tour from scratch? Yeah The tour I was just on is called from was called from scratch just because I started calling these shows I did Two months out of rehab. I started doing these shows at uh city winery in new york And I just called it from scratch And there might have been I was trying to

Starting point is 02:03:12 Say like all of this is new and please come to the shows, but it's going to be rusty And it's going to be all worked out and messy and etc. And then I just kept calling the tour from scratch I never loved the name but uh Uh, I didn't want to think of a new one. There was too much going on There's too much going on in early sobriety and I didn't you know I just I just kept going with it

Starting point is 02:03:40 But the special is called baby jay, which is something I refer to myself as special because the people like when 40 year old men call themselves baby jay People find that really cute and like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah Do you think is it like about being like a late bloomer? What is it? What what is it kind of? In relation to I don't know I just refer to myself as it at one point in the special and it makes me laugh a lot. Oh nice Um, but a part of it is trying to get back to that before time like something

Starting point is 02:04:10 A lot of the a lot of the um tour I just did we used my first grade photo as the like tour art and I mean it just was Uh, it was it was like you and I were talking about it but trying to get back to that age where there was just like electricity and things were really exciting. Yeah, and Some you know something went off track some some things got darker and Now I'm now I was sober and uh So much of my life had changed and I was out on the road and I was just I was like I liked seeing that poster of myself. I like seeing that photo of me in first grade

Starting point is 02:04:52 Outside the venue like it just put me like okay We're trying to get we're trying to get back to that. We're getting back on something started chasing us after that time Something started chasing us that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that was a thought I had in rehab Like I don't mean like I hurt. Well, I sort of heard a voice But it said we've been after you since you were a little kid And I felt like something. Yeah something something's been Things have things have had there's been many great moments, but something

Starting point is 02:05:26 Something's been trying to get your attention or to get you to get me. Wow You think it's like a disease or something I don't know Yeah, just some we've been after you we've been after you since you were a kid we I didn't care for the we Listen, I didn't like hearing voices in detox I didn't like grinding my teeth. I cracked a molar. It was a whole crazy But yeah, I didn't I didn't care for the voice, but if I'm gonna hear a voice I don't like the we of it. Yeah, that's a lot of people. Yeah, that means. Yeah, there's a van now You know, there's a van that implies bats guys driving around with bats

Starting point is 02:06:07 How bad how bad is detoxing? I never had to do something like that. Is it really hard? Benzodiazepine, which is xanax and clonop and that detox really sucks And do you stay in a room? What do you do? I stayed in so some people go to detox for a couple of days. I was there for five or six days They try to taper you off Uh with this medication called Librium, which I don't know if that's a benzo anyway, it's similar, but um Yeah, the first so that week I was sort of in a medicated detox and then

Starting point is 02:06:43 The second week was like My skeleton wanted to rip out of my body. Wow. Yeah And does it those are and they said that they were like those are the most, um Um No, not like Ow pain. Mine. Mine felt like I cannot Be like I cannot sit

Starting point is 02:07:05 It's not even like I remember laying on my bed. Just like fucking writhing just like I Every part of me wants to rip into wow But they said that when I got there they're like coke is not I mean coke was my problem They said coke isn't your problem these the benzos the downers is going to be the real beast. Yeah. Yeah Could you do an eight ball in a day you think? Yeah Wow I mean

Starting point is 02:07:34 I don't say that like Maybe it would take a what was a day also to find a day Maybe a day and a half. Yeah, if you're up for 24 hours at eight ball dang, dude I would I remember sometimes I couldn't even inhale anymore Yeah, yeah that that feeling of uh, I also I would feel like vibrating so much but I remember times when I felt like Okay, I've done too much like this is serious and I've done too much and maybe I should go down to my lobby

Starting point is 02:08:08 And sit there in case I need to get there. I lived right near and right next to an urgent care. That's great I was like, maybe I need to sit here and just tell the doorman to grab a paramedic or something But there were a couple nights where I just thought I've done too much, but I'm then I would still be crashing so physically I'm like Um, this is we've done way too much coke. I can't feel my legs I'm totally like this is a real disaster and then mentally I'd start crashing a little and be like I need to do Can I do another bump? Is there a way for to do a bump that would satisfy this but not affect the oncoming uh

Starting point is 02:08:46 cardiac arrest or about that Dang So isn't that crazy? We would think that the you're in such a balancing act You're in such a go. You know what if I'm gonna go to the hospital. I probably should do a line first Yeah They'd want me to just so I'm talkative. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, they're yeah, they would want you to that's so interesting You on the road now. Yeah, what do I have doing? I got some shows in phoenix next week. Oh nice. Oh, yeah

Starting point is 02:09:14 I'm excited about that. I yeah, you know, I started my tour kind of like I I should have had my show more mapped out before I put it up into some like smaller theaters, you know Yeah, so sometimes I feel a little bit bad about that. I thought it was why did they feel rocky? Yeah, they just felt a little rocky you know, but I just always want to make sure that I give the you know, of course, but you were trying to put on the best show you could Right. I was trying for sure. Yeah, I mean the other route would be just what stay and do weekends at clubs Yeah, yeah, that would have been probably the the route that would have been just

Starting point is 02:09:50 To better service the hour, you know, yeah, I get that. Yeah, I think but sometimes people are like come out come perform Well, sometimes you have a couple great shows and you go this is ready for theaters and then you get there and you're like this is Yeah, wow, these people paid money and yeah Yeah, and it wasn't bad. It was just and we have high expectations. Yeah, of course. You have very high expectations of yourself Of course. Yeah, when I'm out there at the very beginning figuring out an hour and I'm like, this is actually 40 minutes with 20 minutes of filler It's I feel very I I work hard at the news. I work hard at what I can and I hope that I have enough charisma to pull off The whole that that no one's noticing that this is, you know padded. Yeah

Starting point is 02:10:31 Man, yeah, I think you got a ton. Well, also, it's like you go back on the road after you've just done a special So you what you the last memory you have is this product that was like finally tuned? Yeah, and now you're out there, you know Doing stuff about how big the Denver Airport is. Yeah, because you just landed in Denver Yeah, I remember the char I had a show in Charleston and literally the next night I had my I had an hour that came out and so the next night I knew this is when you have to turn over when you can't do Material that's on the special you have to kind of turn over, you know, most of it and do new stuff And that was a tough weekend because the first show was pretty awesome. And our And the second one was not it was just kind of like fuck. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is like

Starting point is 02:11:14 You can just hit all green lights one night and be like, I have a new 15 minutes Yeah, don't you have nothing You have one minute You have one Um, would you do like a first CD? Like did you make like a comedy album? Yeah, unrelated to a not a tv. Yeah. Yeah, I did that too. And I thought when that came out I can never do any of these jokes again. Wow. No one fucking listened to it. Yeah

Starting point is 02:11:42 I wish I was I remember going out to do Was I just starting to headline maybe I think I was gonna headline the Houston laugh stop And I had a cd that was out and I was like, well if anyone's heard the cd, they'd know that know these jokes So I got to do a whole new hour. Oh, no, you didn't No, absolutely. No one had heard this album No, and some guys you can just do that's one to mess up thing about putting things out It's like if you never put things out then you would just be this thing that people can only go see if they go see you Yeah, I think about that. I think about like the Grateful Dead model too. Yeah

Starting point is 02:12:16 I was like, I wish I could make every show different and tour like that And you probably could I guess so Well, I think a lot is I mean what you need to do is you need to get like three hours of stuff and then you just Sample between which some people do I guess do you think people come to see you or your material? Oh, I don't know. Um I think the material because if you don't have it in um Like if if I don't have it in the first 10 minutes in the first five minutes, it's not that fun Yeah, that's true for anybody, huh? I don't know. I mean in an arena. I don't know. Maybe they're coming just for the

Starting point is 02:12:54 maybe some people come for the like This is cool of it, you know, but especially they don't know. What am I saying? I think it's all for the Jokes. Yeah. Yeah, people want to be entertained for sure I think at a certain point though people kind of get to know you especially probably after this special comes out We're gonna get to know maybe more just about some of your journey. There's a lot in it You get to know me pretty well. So I mean, I think letting people get to know you Uh, that's you know, it's important and then they know you, you know, they get to know you

Starting point is 02:13:28 Yeah, it's it's all fun them getting to know one side of you and right and then you go, okay Also, sometimes I'm not a great guy. Oh, yeah Yeah, that happens a lot to all of us. Um So you're out now Yeah, yeah, I'm out and not just do sporadic like I was doing like a night and a night and a night in different cities Yeah, and now I'm doing more like Kind of smaller venues but staying in a city for five nights. That's the best way to do it I agree. I just did the arena thing and that was awesome. But you are hitting a point where

Starting point is 02:13:59 Uh, more you can do more nights at a theater more people will come see you Uh over More people will find out you're in town Yeah And you do like a eight night run or so I did that down in Atlanta and Philly Nashville to someone's head. I did, um I think it was four or five nights at the Ryman That was really fun. Yeah, I was on my 40th birthday too. Really? Yeah

Starting point is 02:14:23 Oh, I thought you're younger than that man. You look younger. That was a cool. That's a cool room that Ryman isn't it? It's the greatest. Yeah. Oh my god. It's the greatest. Yeah, it's awesome And the Wilbur is really awesome too, huh? The Wilbur is really fun. God the Wilbur is the Wilbur really you feel the energy there With bill uh blooming right? Yep. He's the greatest. Yeah, he's got the best stories too. Yeah, he does. He's got foxwoods too And yeah, he's got the best stories. Um, what other goals do you have in your future? I know you have the amazing animation Right. Do you set your series? Which one? Um, big mouth? Yeah. Yeah, I'm on that. Yeah. Um, Sorry, I know I know that. No, that's okay I uh that uh, that's created by Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg and

Starting point is 02:15:05 uh Mark and Jen, um the flackets and they're great and uh, yeah, we do that now Do you have other stuff that you feel like you like creatively that you're Like having done like worked in television Created shows do you feel like stand-up is really the best me? Yeah, you do. It's the most Most fun best delivery service of comedy. It's yeah It's freebase. Yeah Dude, it's the best possible situation in terms of delivering. It's freebase. Yeah

Starting point is 02:15:40 It's grimy. Yeah, it's a little grimeer than tv. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever end up in a really cool place doing drugs? Uh, meaning geographic place. Yeah, it was like a dicey like, you know, shoneys or something, you know, some place that was a little deviant, you know Um, karaoke bar I'm trying to think like were you that play were you that guy that wanted to get deep into the trap houses and shit? Were you like kind of like the um Uh, who was it got anthony bordain of like trap houses and stuff like that? Did anthony what's a trap house a trap house is just like a place where people are doing drugs And there's like a lady who's like

Starting point is 02:16:18 Probably like, you know, if you wake her up, she would have sex. Maybe like in the back It's like a anthony bordain went to these. No, he didn't but it's like food places. He went to restaurants. Yeah, right Are you like the guy that he brought in of trap houses? Uh, yeah, are you like Would you be that guy like where's that kind of you're like some people like to get into the depths of the of the Five a.m. You know and like just the like how weird can I get you know my the weirdest times for me were the days because I was I mean that feeling of You know when you haven't slept in the whole world has

Starting point is 02:16:53 Yeah, just the way that that warmth you feel in your bones. You're going into starbucks or like Man like Just running an errand and you're like does everyone know can everyone tell there's just something kind of like Shiny or about us. Yeah, you know like Just something like sleeker. We're just a faster animal because like we didn't just lay down for eight hours Oh, true. You are more alert, huh? Oh, you're like an alley cat Like an alley cat Yeah, and you're like a fucking very but you're like but things also become far more

Starting point is 02:17:27 complicated, you know, right Oh, I would overthink things overthink everything you're like a ghost You're like a fast fucking like a tesla ghost and you're like these clothes don't look like Someone put them on this morning. Yeah, these look like yesterday clothes Yeah, not even that they're wrinkled not even anything just you just have an air about you that says I did not just rest. Yeah, but I think no one can tell If you're still gacked up enough to converse Yeah

Starting point is 02:17:55 Fuck I would be so scared dude. I would walk Yeah, my depth perception would feel weird. Yeah, it's a lot of like cat, you know cars. Everything's coming. Yeah, everything's coming fast. Yeah God, dude. They're a disaster. How? Drugs are a disaster and that's a nice thing to not have to worry about anymore, isn't it? Oh my god Yeah, that is not I'm not in a crisis all the time. Yeah Did you end up getting help at like did you go to recovery after that? Did you go to 12 step or you just kind of went to um, I was in Two rehabs. I was in sober living. I did 12 step, but you know was sober living pretty cool

Starting point is 02:18:37 Sober living was uh for a couple months after rehab. I can't imagine going from rehab to to Living on my own. Yeah, that would have been No, I really needed as many training wheels as possible. Wow. So you really went through it all. Yeah Yeah, I mean no, I mean or I'm through it all. I mean not like you You went through the

Starting point is 02:19:05 The things that people go through Yeah, that that was a moment where I I really needed to get as like Textbook as possible, right because I would have told you like, okay, I can I can go live on my own now Um, I've just been in I've been in this place for two months and I'm clean But it's like you're clean because you've been in rehab, right? Yeah, but I would have thought like I actually I had a lot of good and I had a lot of great moments in treatment really did had great counselor and

Starting point is 02:19:39 great people but like The actual reason that I wasn't On drugs was because I was in central, Pennsylvania living in a hospital. Yeah, you know Was it nice out there? Was it pretty? Um It was a winter. It was a little desolate, but sometimes it was quite Sometimes it was quite beautiful Did they have any horses or anything like that? No, um, I wish we had had some of that, you know

Starting point is 02:20:06 Getting to put a shoe on a horse or whatever they have drug addicts do Yeah Like you're petting. I'm like, okay. I have a joke in the special about I feel so bad for that horse It thinks it's gonna win the Kentucky Derby, but then it's just drug addicts being like, okay All right Petting you a strong leg gives me confidence I remember seeing this whenever I saw your set Um, John Mulaney, thanks so much. Dio Vaughn. Thanks for having me man. Dude. It's awesome, man. It was great to talk to you

Starting point is 02:20:39 Yeah, you too, man. I really admire you and your ability dude. I really admire you man. It's it's uh, Very nice to have a conversation with you. Same man. And you're dude when you get on stage, man It is I want to know what you are going to do and say same 100% I want you to know that just as a I am Excited that you're up there. Thanks, man. I'm excited when you're up there. Thanks, John. I envy what you have, man It's amazing. You too, man. And uh, yeah, check out the new special. Um, and we'll 25th April 25th, and we'll post about it. I'll put a post up on my social media too, man To make sure not that you don't already have your own humongous audience, but uh, okay

Starting point is 02:21:17 Awesome. We'll be happy to share. Thank you, dude.

This Past Weekend - E440 John Mulaney

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