This Past Weekend - E453 Jim Gaffigan

Starting point is 00:00:00 Oye, y si este fin de vamos a las piestas de mi pueblo... ¿Qué dices? Pero si tu pueblo está en Mordor. Nada, está dando mirándole, tenemos chopá. Primero cojamos un tren a Zaragoza. Después cojamos un bus a esta calatalla. No te lies. Este verano viaja de puerta a puerta y sin complicaciones con Bláblacá. Siempre encontrarás una cerca, incluso a última hora.

Starting point is 00:00:16 Gracias a tu próximo viaje. Ya. We have some new tour dates and these are some new ones. Memphis, Tennessee. We've added a show August 4th and 5th at the Canon Center for the Performing Arts. I know the Chad and Nuga show sold out. Don't worry. Don't go get a fancy price ticket. We will come back. And you'll have another opportunity. Toronto, Ontario, August 30th and 8 eighth show added in Toronto, San Jose, California.

Starting point is 00:00:48 We've added a second show, September 14th and 13th Oakland, California, September 16th at the Paramount, Akron, Ohio. We've added a show on the eighth or seventh, Washington, D.C. We've added a show October 19th and 20th. If your city is sold out, just keep an eye out. We'll come back through. We also have some tickets left for Windsor, Ontario on August 8th. Get your tickets through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. And thank you so much for coming out and supporting the Return of the Rat Tour. Today's guest is an iconic comedian, actor.

Starting point is 00:01:34 I watched one of his movies not long ago, so good. This is the second time on the podcast. He's out of Indiana, and he has a new special coming out on Amazon next week called Dark Pale. He has a new television series too. You can check out called Full Circle on Max. Grateful to chop it up with my buddy today, Mr. Jim Gaffigan. Shadelado me

Starting point is 00:02:09 I'll spin and tell you those stories Shadelado me And I will find a strong I'll be singing I'll go I'll go I Know what you're you know if you're with a podcasting thing or But it's like the impact see that looks better. Yeah, that looks nice. I'm a good-looking guy. I yeah, well

Starting point is 00:02:44 I so things it feel like you're getting Because you've got the past getting big is it busier? Yeah, yeah, it feels like it's getting busier. I feel like we've been Really lucky I Think we're independent too since we don't work with a network. I think that people like that. What is the What makes you connect with people? I mean, it's the every man thing, but it's also like, is there another, authenticity people crave that, right? Yeah, maybe they do. I think they probably do, especially these days, you know?

Starting point is 00:03:22 Yeah. I think we wanna try try and I mean if I hear something that seems that's real or somebody's talking about something that's in mean something to them I think it means a lot yeah I don't know why we've been really fortunate I you know yeah we've had we've gotten have some unique guests I think know, I've always enjoyed talking all different types of people. You know, I think I'm, I'm a late learner kind of,

Starting point is 00:03:51 you know, some podcasters, they have a lot of information. I don't have it. Right. But I am curious about a lot of stuff. Curiosity is key, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I want to learn still, you know?

Starting point is 00:04:06 Yeah, you look, but you look handsome, man. Oh, thank you. You've, what's the most handsome you've ever felt in your life? You ever think about that? Like, was there ever a... That's a very good question. You know, as a male model, I struggle with it. No, I don't think I've ever really felt particularly handsome.

Starting point is 00:04:25 I always seem to look at pictures from the past and go, I've ever really felt particularly handsome. I always seem to look at pictures from the past and go, oh, that was, I should have been happier. Yeah, right? Yeah. And I might, you know, having teenagers, you know, it's so brutal being a teenager. And I'm like, dude, you got a good. You're metabolism's working still?

Starting point is 00:04:48 Yeah. You can have a pint of ice cream. It doesn't make a dent. Your dexterity. Yeah. Your hair health is even stronger. You know, like you don't have a mustache yet. They don't hear, like when people like aches and pains,

Starting point is 00:05:06 they don't have aches and pains really. Not a chance. But I don't know. I never really, I never really felt up particularly good looking. I feel like I've never been, that's never been an asset. How about you? I, you seem like I feel like in Nord, in a Nordic area, you would be a...

Starting point is 00:05:29 I could see you being a... Like Hasselhoff and Sweetbee. No, no. That's very kind of you. Like a Nordic kind of mountain model. There is, there is, you know, like among comedians, there is this strange thing where I think some comedians get embraced as being attractive,

Starting point is 00:06:00 but I don't think that's in my, that's not a theoretical thing that, you know, like Steve Carrell, like I think there was like, this is just maybe me, you know, getting it from Twitter, but, you know, women were like, Steve Carrell, you know, it's like, I'm like, Steve Carrell. Yeah, that's, and so, I see that coming. Yeah, but I don't think that's,'s not in the likely hood or the passability for me. What about like in the 1700s or something? Like was there a time period you think?

Starting point is 00:06:32 Because I mean, I think you're a handsome, you're a height, you're tall. So that gives you some handsome. Well, pale, you know, and then there was the Ruben askedesque period. Like, you know, like being, being pudgy means that you're not poor and being pale means that you're not working in the field. But I don't think that's been real. You'd have been the rock, dude, in the 1600s. 1600s, I would have been, people would have been, there would have been posters. I mean, they all would have been drawn. They're like, did you see how see how pale and fat that guy is?

Starting point is 00:07:06 Oh my God. That is beautiful. He's so hot. Is that Emily Radikowski? Right. I would be like the male Radikowski of, think about like the breakthrough. I mean, there's so many beautiful women,

Starting point is 00:07:21 but Emily Radikowski, like you brought that up, I know exactly what you mean. What is it about her and how long have you been dating her? Yeah. Because it's not out of the possibilities. I'm a married man, but I don't know. You could date her. I don't get Emily Radikowski. I get you don't get it. You don't get it. I get that she's pretty. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. She looks pretty to me, but I don't get hit on by that type of gal. No. No.

Starting point is 00:07:50 I get, uh, who do I get? Well, let me, let's put it out there. I get a lot of like people like, you know, kind of rural women. Roast. Send me like a nude picture kind of be like, it drive out here and eat this. They'll stay stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:08:08 Because they're ladies. Right. Good point. And there, but they're like, it sounds like it involves some travel. Yeah, well, it's out travel. A lot of them are outside of the city limit. It's a connecting flight too, which is like, you're like,

Starting point is 00:08:22 you know, but you know, I'm kind of, I'm kind of a suburban rural guy too. Oh yeah. You know, I mean, so like, I think, and I don't know if we talked about this last time, but like, there is something of, I mean, look, I love, I live in New York, and I've lived in New York for 30 years, but like when I, like these different markets, you know, these cities are smaller towns. Like, I have a good time there. Like when I hang out and see the rapids or the foreign,

Starting point is 00:08:57 I'm like, and I'll go to a restaurant. I'm like, yeah, this feels very familiar very familiar and like when you're pie first sir No, no, but dear. I'm saying. Oh, yeah, it's like a steakhouse and see the rapids. Yeah, that's I Prefer that than a super fancy restaurant in New York, Raleigh. Yeah, that's a good point, man I think I do too. I think you feel more at ease, more comfortable, more likely to see a fight. I feel like there's more, somebody will come over and say, they like your blouse or your shirt or something.

Starting point is 00:09:34 You can wear an apron in there and people don't look at you weird. Yeah, there is, if a guy, no one's in an outfit. Like that's, no one's in an outfit. Like that's, like if someone's kind of dressing like Eddie Vetter, they dress like Eddie Vetter. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'll see the most beautiful women.

Starting point is 00:10:00 Oh God, yeah. The most beautiful, like you've ever been to, like, that's a M on Santa dude. My Santa will preserve a babe. You know what I'm saying? You get some of those field names. Those daughters of farm hands brother. Oh, well I just think of like times when I you know I've been on bus tours with my family and we'll go horseback riding and there will be just like working at some horse ranch. The most beautiful woman in the world. And you know, she probably sleeps with the horses and she smells like the horses,

Starting point is 00:10:32 but not an ounce of makeup on her. And she's better looking than any woman in the city. Yeah. Anyway, I'm a great guy. I don't know if I brought that up. No, I think look at it. It's you seem like a great guy. And I think it's I brought that up. Yeah. No, they look, you seem like a great guy. And I think it's, yeah, it's interesting.

Starting point is 00:10:49 I think the, like, how we feel beauty, how we feel if we're handsome, I think it's interesting. Because I'll look at old pictures of myself as well. And I'm like, man, you had a chance with girls. You didn't think you had any chance in the world. Right. But you had a, you were you didn't think you had any chance in the world. But you had a you were or you just thought so lowly of yourself but man you were doing good. Yeah now I wasted the time that's what I feel like sometimes I go back on it. Well I think there's anxiety and you know there's the chemicals racing through you when you're

Starting point is 00:11:23 a teenager it's hard. By the way I think you know having a couple the chemicals racing through you when you're a teenager. It's hard. By the way, I think, you know, having a couple of teenagers, I think it's way harder to be a teenager now than it was. Is it really? Ah, brutal. So when we went to high school, we were compared to this pool of people in our school.

Starting point is 00:11:42 I mean, kids today, they're compared to everyone on social media. It's brutal. That's true. I never thought about that. And so, like, also the adventures that we would go on to, like, find, you know, mushrooms, wheat or pornography. It was an adventure. And now it's kind of thrust on these kids. And so, I'm sure there's scientific explanation, but it's almost like, you had to go on a scavenger hunt to even get in trouble, at least for me. Right, so there was a journey to it, too.

Starting point is 00:12:23 Whereas now it's pretty easy. You can get a delivered now. Yeah, I mean. Yeah. And that's great when you're 30, 40, but like when you're 15 or 18, it's like, it's almost too easy to get weed now. Oh, yeah, it's too easy to get a high, it's too easy to get anything.

Starting point is 00:12:47 I mean, I'm with pornography. We had this dude in our neighborhood names. They called him Skittle was his nickname and he was like, um, impaired or whatever. Yeah. You know, he had impairment. Well, what kind of impairment? He didn't have his legs didn't work. Yeah. So he was the, oh, he was, he was handicapped.

Starting point is 00:13:07 He was bipedal or whatever, what is that called? Paraplegic. Paraplegic? Yeah, this pair of, so like just his like, was he in a wheelchair? Yeah, he was in a wheelchair, but sometimes they would, and then at the video store,

Starting point is 00:13:20 they would, his like a handler or whatever, who was his cousin would push it would like get him out and let him crawl under the aww into the newty room in there. Oh, that's nice. And people would be having you in kind of, because you knew he was probably, and I hate to say that she knew he was never going to mate in his life, probably. I mean, by the way, but people would be so excited, you know, they'd be like skittles in the newty room, you know.

Starting point is 00:13:43 And was he called Skittles because he enjoyed the candy Skittles or? I don't know. That's a good question. I think he, uh, he said, I from what I think he liked all candies. I remember, but he just, yeah, people, I don't know. There was just something excited about him. People were like, I was Skittles in the nudie room and people would be so excited. It's so amazing how there was a nudie room.

Starting point is 00:14:05 There was, I mean, the blockbuster room was just kind of like, hey, we're not gonna have that. Yeah, we don't believe in that. But like the off kind of like the independent stores, there would be, there would be kind of like movie, like regular movies, and then there would be like the R-rateds, I mean, the kind of like naughty stuff. And you would have to like, if you would go,

Starting point is 00:14:33 even as a teenager or like in your 20s and you had curiosity, you needed it a reason to go over there. You needed to like, hey, why don't we go over here just to check it out. Like, you couldn't be like, you couldn't go in and make a beeline for it. Yeah. You had to be like, this is so silly.

Starting point is 00:14:52 What's this stuff? Oh my gosh, what's this? Yeah, they sell in cigarettes and here. Yeah, what is this? Oh, this is gross. Yeah. But now a kid just turns out, I mean, by the way, Twitter, like, I don't know if you get the Twitter.

Starting point is 00:15:07 It's very dangerous. It's like, there's like, just, I don't know, open the pictures just because I'm a Christian. But there's like, they set the spam or the robot, send you pornography. And you're like, you know, I'm trying to like, because you know, you go through a process, I think, most men wear a year like, all right,

Starting point is 00:15:32 I'm going to set some boundaries. There's nothing too productive in consuming pornography. So I'm gonna set up some boundaries or some barriers, but like when it's thrown at you. Yeah, and why are robots doing that? That makes me believe even more in like a UFOs when people are like, yeah, they took me somewhere and put something in my butt

Starting point is 00:15:52 and they drop me back off. Like it's always. They're always putting stuff in people's butts too. And they, yeah, but in at first I'm like, are they, would they really do that? But then now that I see that these other robots are just emailing people, like it's, you know, these bots, whatever, like emailing porn to people, it's like,

Starting point is 00:16:10 obviously these aliens are pervert. I don't even, I don't know if it's aliens, but I don't know what, I mean, I guess I've never clicked on it, but like, it's, I guess it's to get you to watch their porn, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think different people want you like come over here step right up you know. Yeah. Well guess how much semen's in you know. Well guess that you know you're weight and semen or whatever. When I was a teenager

Starting point is 00:16:37 I thought you had a limited supply. I thought you could run out. Oh dude. I the first erection ever got it it was coming up. And I thought it was a, like a poop in my body that it was going the wrong way. That's a normal response. And I really thought it was a poop. Yeah, it was so scary because it was the same shape. And I was like, oh my god, dude, I, one of my poops is lost. I mean, even like, it's just so scary.

Starting point is 00:17:03 It was so scary. I remember part of your body growing and people thought it would grow forever? I had a buddy who got so scared. He thought his whole body would grow into a weiner and like, there would be nothing left of him and then the weiner would grow and then it would go back and he would reform. Yeah, I just remember having legs, spasms and and your nipples hurt. Yeah. Remember that? No one talked you about it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:27 Well, you know, when I was growing up, no one talked to you about any of that stuff. You know, there was just like, there was just, you had to figure it out. And I thought I was mentally ill. I mean, I am mentally ill, but like, I thought, oh my god, you know, I'm like, the biggest pervert in the world. And the reality is I was just like a 15 year old boy. Yeah, that's interesting.

Starting point is 00:17:50 You know what I mean? No one was like, hey, because I've kind of done that. I'm like, look, hey, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means I'm not saying engage in it. You know, I'm not saying go full animal, even though some people do, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Yeah, it's true that yeah,

Starting point is 00:18:13 I think in the past, there's been a lot of that energy like something there's something wrong with you. Yeah, like if you walked up to a monkey to zoo, because monkeys, they say some of the monkeys will masturbate and stuff six to seven times a day at the zoo. So if you, if you saw somebody walk in there to one of them and be like, you know, sit them down in the chamber

Starting point is 00:18:31 on the side of the shame, yeah. Say you're filthy. Yeah, you're filthy. Stop behaving like an animal. Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna drive you to the morning if you keep doing this. You'd be like, that person's crazy

Starting point is 00:18:43 for saying that to that monkey. Right. Or there probably be some people that are like, finally someone's telling that monkey. You're gonna stop doing that. It's all relative, right? And then there's people that would be like, I can't believe that you're judging that monkey's behavior.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and there would be somebody else being like, that monkey can choose its own pronouns. And we'd be like, yeah, it's not about that, okay? The monkey was just jerking off too much. And you know, there's that, and then there's also throwing the shit. Yeah, they throw a lot of,

Starting point is 00:19:21 anything comes out of their body, they're willing to throw it. Why do we, I feel like you, like, you already grow. We have, you know, but there's no beads, right? You know, like if they, oh, maybe that's their beads, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:32 The, the, the, the, the, the, the, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the It's not like they're even flashing because like supposedly if you flash then Like women flash. Yeah, they show their breasts to see the beads but to get the beads But the problem was at Marty growing. I'll say this man is that the breasts you saw We're good or bad. They were not good. Right. They were drunk. They look like some of them had been drinking like the breast alone had been drinking right by itself Even some of them. Yeah. They... That's another problem with pornography is we set up false expectations of what breasts

Starting point is 00:20:13 are supposed to look like. That's another reason not to watch porn. Right. Well, you've kind of gone to the game. I'm sure you've seen in your lifetime where breasts, fake breasts really popped off. Do you remember the first time you were like, wow, they're putting in? Yeah, there was a, yeah, I mean, the, I don't know, I'm kind of like, I'm not a huge, like, there's, there's part of me that's the whole huge breast thing.

Starting point is 00:20:41 It doesn't, it's weird, you know, like, for me, it doesn't do anything. You know what I mean? And some guys like big breasts, some guys like big butts. I'm kind of, you know, I like, I don't know, like, yeah, I like, I like shape, but I don't like, and, and it's a mystery to me, because some guys really like big butts. Some guys really like, I remember when I first started stand up, I was doing some road gig,

Starting point is 00:21:16 and this headline or was like, here I wanna show you something. And he showed me, and it was a polar road, of him with a woman that had like enormous like gigantic and he was kind of bragging. He's like see see what see who I meant. And I was like this is what it's head. This is what your head is towards. But it's like you play your cards right. And I wanted to be polite and I was polite. But I was like that's you know that's, obviously she needs help. You know what I mean? But like, I didn't want to rain on his parade,

Starting point is 00:21:48 but he was like, that's what got him off. That was like, he was, I'm sure he probably still has that Polaroid. Yeah. Oh. Like maybe if he was, maybe when he dies, he's buried with the Polaroid of the woman with the gigantic boobs.

Starting point is 00:22:03 Some guys, it's interesting how. That's all they care about. Well, they're like an amazing guy. Different taste. Yeah, I think, well, they started to get, well, yeah, some of the boobs started to look like something but he had filled up a glide bag too big, you know. You ever have that one?

Starting point is 00:22:20 So when he pulls a black, glide bag out of a, like at a restaurant when they're doing the dumpster, and they pull the bag out of that can and it's way too heavy for the bag, you know. And it's not going to make it. And there's liquid dripping out and you're like, that's going to be a mess. That's just going to be a mess. It's just, it's weird.

Starting point is 00:22:43 I need to know, all right. So, you're, you're into the, are you a big boob guy or a little, like, if you told me you're like, I like enormous boobs, I wouldn't be shocked. And I don't mean that as an insult. No, it's funny. But like, are you a big boob guy? Are you a big butt guy?

Starting point is 00:23:01 I think I'm more probably a, I think I like a, you know, I think I'm more probably a mid-range. I like a little bit of buttocks. Yeah. You know, I like a woman that's healthy enough to conceive. Right, right. You know, I don't like, I'm not into those kind of neat alarm,

Starting point is 00:23:22 me looking, you know, the kind of girls who looked a little bit too weathered. Yeah. You know, like I need a woman that's healthy enough to be able to have a family. Right. So I think that's a big thing for me. You know, there was a, what was the question you asked me?

Starting point is 00:23:39 There was about like a types of, because here I'll bring this up. My brother, one of his, he really, he liked a woman that looked good in a baseball cap and a turtle neck, which I thought was really interesting. And I mean, that's a setup for a joke. He's, you know, like now he's like a serial killer. No, but like, but it is interesting.

Starting point is 00:24:05 He really, like if she looked cute in a baseball cap, he was like, she looks, yeah, she's, she's great. You know, and so like there's different things. There's types, right? That's a good point. There's different scenarios you want your woman to look good in kind of. Right.

Starting point is 00:24:22 That's it. That's a really good point. Right. It's kind of like, you know, I remember when I was considering asking my wife to marry me, I was like, you know what? I could have fun folding laundry with her. I mean, now we hate each other, but at the time.

Starting point is 00:24:38 Yeah. We could tell you learn that hatred. But no, but it is like one of those things where it's not just about how they look in a small skirt. You know, I mean, it is about, you know, and not just like they're fun at, you know, at a ski ball or something, right? But it is interesting.

Starting point is 00:25:04 First impressions matter, they do. You know, it's important. How do you, how do you present yourself? And for me, I like to take care of myself. I like to care my skin, keep my skin decent, and men occurred. Baby, that's what I like to do. And I use Caldera Lab. I use their Regimen. It's called the Regimen, actually. And Caldera Lab creates a high performance men's skin care product.

Starting point is 00:25:20 And the Regimen leads to the most important thing. And the most important thing is that you have to take care of yourself. And the most important thing is that you have to take care of yourself. I use their regimen. It's called the regimen, actually, and called Dara Lab creates a high performance men's skincare product. And the regimen leads off their product line up. It's a twice a day routine to transform your skin. God, look at his skin. I want some of it. That's right.

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Starting point is 00:26:17 So your ideal woman, let's put it out there. Okay, let's put out there then. I would say she has nice eyes, like carrying eyes. Like eyes. Oh, warm eyes. Warm eyes. Yes, because that is true It's important. It's important to the kids to yes, definitely. You know, you don't want some cold. I'd freaking slither in broad Yeah, you know making even serving muffins to your children. No, so warm. I Would say hard working hard working sense of humor is really important.

Starting point is 00:26:46 Yeah, sense of humor or the ability to laugh, even being able to laugh, though, is also like having an inverse sense of humor. Like if somebody's a good laugh, or I think it's just as, it's almost better than a sense of humor, because at least they're getting, they're having the joy, you know?

Starting point is 00:27:00 By the way, the hard worker thing, I think is really key to. Yeah. Yeah, my wife is a very hard worker and that's That's That's great because then you can do less No, but it is I mean, I'm we have a similar work ethic. We enjoy working You know, I mean and I wouldn't say working. I'm not saying like hey, let's go

Starting point is 00:27:28 Grab some construction shifts, You know, it's like, you know, it's fulfilling for us. You know what I mean? Yeah, and life's hard work. If you want to stay in a marriage, it seems like it's a lot of like, if you really want anything to work, you got to do it. You know, it's like, yeah. How tall?

Starting point is 00:27:47 I would say anywhere probably five, six, to six, one. Okay. And how tall are you? I'm willing to go on the outlier side with the height. I am six foot. You wouldn't care if she was taller. I don't think I would care as long as she didn't do little things to me like probably pat on pat me or something like that.

Starting point is 00:28:10 I'll call you shorty. Yeah. Yeah. Or say, hey, give me that little wiener. Yeah. And things like that. And what about, and what about the, do you want her to be younger than you, older than you? I would probably say younger than me, you know, I wanted to be able to bear, you know, bear children if she wants to yeah

Starting point is 00:28:31 But then I got to make sure that I'm in a good space too, you know, I don't want to be some flanderer Right, right. I don't want to be a man who's peaking over the fence and you know talking to the neighbor's wife Right, and I don't want to be you shouldn't be neighborly. You shouldn't be talking even to the neighbor's wife. Right. And I don't want to be a... You shouldn't be neighborly. You shouldn't be talking even to a neighbor. No, but you're saying so you want to also be mature. You want to be to the point, yeah. Yeah, I don't want to be doing anymore.

Starting point is 00:28:57 I don't want to be more, do any more conniving or any like, I want to, you know, I just want to be locked in. Yeah. Did you have a point where you were like, was it scary for you when you were like, okay, I'm going to get married? This is it. Like, did you ever mount like who dropped you off to go ask your wife or you drive over there?

Starting point is 00:29:14 How did you do it? I was, uh, my mom dropped me off. No, no, I, uh, I was at my brother's house. We'd gone back. We used to go back and we'd go to Indiana and then we'd drive through Chicago and go to Milwaukee where my wife's from. And I, you know, my wife and I, we had this agreement that she was gonna tell me when she was ready to be proposed.

Starting point is 00:29:40 You know, because, you know, the whole, you know, there's no risk. You don't want them to be like, oh, no, and you don't want you to process now. So and we had talked about we had dated for a while and And I was at my brother's place and we were smoking a cigar in his garage and I Said, you know, I tell you if I had a ring, I probably would ask her and he goes, oh, I can give you a ring.

Starting point is 00:30:07 I'll give you a mom's old ring. I used it and you can use it. And I was like, oh. And so then you're really on the side. And I was like, all right. But again, I had also kind of made that decision. Do you know what I mean? So the decision had already been made.

Starting point is 00:30:24 Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like, oh my brother told me to do it, so I did it. You know what I mean? So, and then we went up there, and I knew that I kind of wanted to surprise her. And so I did it right in front of her entire family. She's one of nine kids, and we had done opening presents,

Starting point is 00:30:41 and her, I had asked her dad for permission. He was like cooking in the kitchen. He's kind of a great guy, but like at that point, we didn't know each other that well. So he was like taking something out of the oven. I was like, hey, I like the Azure daughter. I mean, he's like, yeah, okay. And so then we were opening presence and all the presence had been opened. And then I, I did it.

Starting point is 00:31:07 And it was, did you feel nervous and you get down on one knee? It's so, well, I think is a comedian. There's so many, it's, you know, there's so many awkward situations we go in. That's a good. You know, where you have a show where you eat shit, you have a show where you do okay, but you can tell half the audience thinks you're a moron. I mean, so like, it was, it was awkward. It was, it was, you know, it was nice, but it's, I'm also, you know, these watershed moments for me are, they're not nearly as important as like, you know,

Starting point is 00:31:54 the moment where I feel like I really connected with my wife. You know, like my child being born, there was, you know, it was special, but it's not as special as like, the time when you take a walk with them for me. And you have something. Yeah, and there's like a real connection. Yeah, or like, right. Those are kind of just built in tent pole moments

Starting point is 00:32:15 that are kind of almost, I don't want to say old-fashioned. They're very important. But they don't, but that it's not like, it doesn't mean everything. I, for me, you know, if I'm getting honest, that's a good point. I think it's a really good point for everybody. We put all these old, it's all like, it doesn't mean everything. I, for me, you know, from the, that's a good point. I think it's a really good point for everybody. We put all these, it's almost like we put these kind of like

Starting point is 00:32:30 tyrannical, like emotional attachments to these moments, even though they're, they might not be there because times have kind of changed. So yeah, having a wedding these days, which is really just a huge party that takes so much planning, which is more about the planning than it is even the vowels. Yes, and the unnecessary stress. Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:32:49 Put on, you sang Rio. Yeah. You know, a lot. Oh my God, the bread was wrong. You know, it's like, who cares? Who cares? Dude, right? I barely know this woman.

Starting point is 00:32:59 Who cares? She doesn't mean that. The only reason I'm here. Yeah. But I'm here. Yeah, they should have a vote at weddings. Like, should we do it or not? And people have to really vote. That's funny.

Starting point is 00:33:14 Wouldn't be a bad idea with it. I mean, a silent, and because it's also your loved one, so it's a really harsh thing. And you shouldn't be able to open it until the next day. Oh, it's like the vote came in. Well, and it's like a rotten tomato score. Like as long as we get 80%.

Starting point is 00:33:35 Yeah, that's it. But you're like 43%. Yeah, that's not good. But what the audience score say? Yeah. A lot of old tropes and misdirected plot twists, but a lot of people don't believe in me. They think I'm going to cause the desire. But your family should have a vote. Should have a vote.

Starting point is 00:33:57 I felt like because you're bringing that genetics into your gene pool. Well, you know, it feels like the family overall should have a vote. Well, there's also something that happens where you, I think the, you know, it's probably different in different cultures and different family cultures, but you kind of get absorbed. I think I feel like the men get kind of absorbed into the woman's family. Yes. Much more than the woman getting absorbed into them. I mean, obviously there's a good point.

Starting point is 00:34:31 Yeah, and it's said there is something of, you know, like when you're dating someone and you meet their parents, you're like, okay, so this is the future, right? In some ways. But also their relationship. And my wife's mother is like a saint and her dad's a real sweet guy. So I was like, all right, I'm in good shape. It was totally misleading.

Starting point is 00:34:53 No, but it was fun. Dude, I had an ex-girlfriend here, dad would always be like, hey, he would say like whenever nobody was in the room, he'd be like, hey, listen to me. He would pass gas. He'd say, listen to me fart. And then he'd like, don't tell anybody. Wow.

Starting point is 00:35:08 And he was real serious about it. And it was so strange. And I'd never even said anything about it until now, but I just can't believe he even did that. Who would do that? Yeah, that's very strange. Really weird. I think having like somebody dating your daughter,

Starting point is 00:35:21 oh, you don't have any power really. No, you have no power. And, you know, I, and the kid is a pervert. Whoever he is, absolutely. He's a boy. He's sick. He's, he's a boy. I have a 19 year old and I have a 14 year old daughter. And so, when my 14 year old, when she was 13 and she would bring over these guys. And I would try and, you know, like you try different tactics as a dad, you're like, I'm gonna be the friend. And you wanna get to know them.

Starting point is 00:35:55 And they're all, you know, they're boys, they're liars, right? And so I remember there was this one kid who ended up being really sweet. And but I was kind of like And I'm kind of like inappropriate. I try to test the boundary So I'm like nice to meet you. I'd like to Would you like to see my knife collection? Thinking that would be really intimidating and he's like, oh my god

Starting point is 00:36:21 I'd love to see a knife call and I was like that's not what I wanted you to say He was like, oh cool. You got a knife collection. I'm like, no, I'd love to see a knife call. And I was like, that's not what I wanted you to say. He was like, oh, cool, you got a knife call, actually, I'm like, no, I was trying to frighten you. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like, but they also know, you know, you're not gonna hurt them. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:36:38 And you can't anymore, that's one of the problems too. And that's where a lot of, you know, a lot of fathers have lost a lot of their power. They used to have the ability to hurt, to fire a warning shot into the air. Yeah. Um, and a lot of that's going. Yeah, I was thinking about, yeah, it's so like, even like us, what we think about ourselves,

Starting point is 00:36:55 how we look like, I mean, I think a lot of comedians probably got, a lot of males got into it because they felt it was their way of gaining attraction from women. I think so. You think, yeah, totally. I remember, I remember witnessing, like I had no confidence at all until my 30s anyway, but I remember, I mean, I had it in fits and spurts, but I remember when I started headlining at a comedy club and I would stand in the back watching, this is like they didn't have green rooms or anything like that. I would stand in the back kind of watching and I would see people come in and there would be a track interactive women coming in with their friends or dates or whatever and they would be like

Starting point is 00:37:48 Who are you know they they didn't know who I was they didn't care and then I would do the show and then those same women would be Treating me completely differently and intellectually I would know. Oh, it was the show They you know, they, you know, they, they think I'm something that I'm not. They think that I'm something special. I have to make a point of never believing the hype. And then after six months, I was like, you know what, I'm good looking. I kind of totally bought the hype. Yeah. Like, so we just get so dumb. We're so dumb.

Starting point is 00:38:28 We're so dumb. It's like, it's not that I'm on stage in commanding authority over a crowded room of 300 people. It's because they actually think I'm going to be on. Essentially, I'm just a fool. You know what I mean? But then some guys who are not attractive men,

Starting point is 00:38:48 will their confidence get them to attractive? Oh absolutely. So it's really part of the trick, I think. Yeah, I even feel like when you look at, remember when you would, I don't know if you'd ever look at a yearbook and, or photos of when you were a kid and you'd see a kid that you'd be a girl, you'd be like, oh my god, she was really good looking. Yeah. And why weren't we,

Starting point is 00:39:16 why didn't we think because we didn't because she was struggling? You know what I mean? And didn't have the confidence. And whereas there were girls that were confident that we were just like, because we were dumb boys, we're like, duh, they think they're good looking, maybe they're good looking. And we would, it's so much of it is confidence. And it's like, I just wish as a parent, I could just, you know, because my kids are pretty confident, but I just wish that like in those moments, because I remember being a teenager, it's hard.

Starting point is 00:39:50 Yeah, huh. And people are like, just act confident. You're like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I'm filled with anxiety. Yeah. And I had so, dude, I remember having acne so bad, do you ever have acne?

Starting point is 00:40:01 Oh, I was just, I mean, I was this pale kid, and whenever I would talk in public, I would turn red. Turn red. Oh. And so I was just this goofy guy who was pale and like, you know, there was, I was the palest person anyone had ever seen.

Starting point is 00:40:19 So it was, but that's probably, you know, contributed to me being a comedian. Like a dumpling kind of. Yeah, I was like a marshmallow. Oh, you know, but a marshmallow that would turn red. I was a strawberry flavored marshmallow. Wow, dude, yeah, well, it's, it's, um, what's really interesting is if you think back to like the beginning of before they had mirrors and stuff, the only way you knew if you were a,

Starting point is 00:40:45 the way you've probably, is if somebody told you how attractive you are, how handsome or beautiful you were. So that had to be, I bet that's when like connection was a lot stronger too between people because, imagine if the way you, somebody's like, you're beautiful

Starting point is 00:41:01 and you've never, you don't have any real thought of that yourself because you have never seen a reflection yourself. And the way it makes you feel, you're like, you've never, you don't have any real thought of that yourself because you have never seen a reflection yourself. And the way it makes you feel, you're like, wow, that feeling is so powerful. I feel really connected to this person. Yeah, no, it's like, well, back then, I mean, just imagine how bad did they smell though.

Starting point is 00:41:18 But they both smelled bad. They both, I guess she got used to it, right? I think not having shit on your legs is probably like, that means you were right ready to go out on the town because I feel like that would be something I'm a clean mama wash my legs off Well, that's what all the cologne and the perfume was for is to cover up bad smell the smell of butt. Yeah Yeah, I mean God it's only it'd be so much nicer if your butt was a little further away from you Right, you know, or you could detach it. Oh It's so much nicer if your butt was a little further away from you. Right.

Starting point is 00:41:46 Or you could detach it. Oh, yeah. But like, I mean, showering, like, you ever like been on the road and you're like, you have to wear the same underwear for two days. Yeah. Like, it's a crisis. And then like, and they get warmer. But when you're a teenager, you don't care.

Starting point is 00:42:06 That's fine. You don't care at all. But it's also just like the comfort level. I used to be able to sleep on like a bag of rocks. And now if I'm like, if I don't have this one pillow in my arms, then a baby can't sleep. It's so ridiculous. One pillow in my arms, the baby can't sleep. So ridiculous. Yeah, man.

Starting point is 00:42:29 Yeah, get an older, get an older is interesting. What we thought we looked like when we were younger is interesting. And being, it's amazing how much you can transpose or share with your children, but how many things you cannot share. It's amazing how many, like many lessons that we all go through, but we can't, there's no real clean, clear way

Starting point is 00:42:49 to share that to a kid so they don't have to deal with the tragedies of it. Yeah, I mean, they have to, there's so many times when I'm talking to my kids where I'm like, I don't even know why I'm saying this, because it's like, you're not gonna hear it from me. Yeah, you're gonna gonna hear it from me. Yeah. You're gonna have to go through it.

Starting point is 00:43:08 It's like even when you're, you know, like, like kids driving, like, I'm sure when you were driving, there was moments where you're like, holy cow, I almost ran over that guy. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And it's not like your parents had and said, you know, you gotta make sure you look,

Starting point is 00:43:24 but you don't hear that. It's just white noise. Yeah, your parents are just, yeah. Your parents are creepy people you can't even believe they made that sex before. Yeah, it's just gross to think. It's really rude how gross you think your parents have sex is,

Starting point is 00:43:41 considering it's how you happen. You're like, oh, I guess I wonder if that's a factor in self-esteem. Like if people with really high self-esteem are like, you know, the idea of my parents making love is a beautiful thing. Because it's just like even your parents kissing, it was like, oh, right. It was horrible. I'm a mom. My dad tried to kiss my mom. My mom would fucking kind of threaten with the cake cutter. That's good. That's good. I was horrible. I remember if my dad tried to kiss my mom,

Starting point is 00:44:05 my mom would fucking kind of threaten with the cake cutter. That's good, that's good. She was a cake cutter. Why, like, was there always cake? Like, did you have dessert growing up? No, we had on birthdays, we had cake. Yeah. And that's when they would have some champagne together.

Starting point is 00:44:24 And my dad would end chover and try to get a kiss on her. And she would raise that fucking cake cutter. The one that had the prongs, it was like, it had the handle and then the like that and then a bunch of straight prongs. It looked like a foam on the face. It was kind of like a server and a cutter. It was a multipurpose.

Starting point is 00:44:41 That thing. Oh wow. That thing would take you out. What is that? That was for multipurpose. That thing. Oh wow. That thing would take you out. What is that? That was for the cake. Is that like a, is that kind of like a cage and thing? Cause we didn't have cake cutters like that. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:44:56 What's all the, what's all the like the fingers going down? I think you could probably play a song. I mean, who know? I don't know. I could have had a zylophone tendency. I don't know what some of the backstory of it was. Yeah, that harp. What happened to that harp?

Starting point is 00:45:07 That harp was everywhere. No, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like the chewing tobacco thing, I did that, did you do that? I never did it. Yeah, I was a big thing. I remember. But snuffed, did you do? I did the Copenhagen. I mean, the powder you would snob.

Starting point is 00:45:35 Oh, no, but I've tried that. God, yeah. I had tried that. So like, that's just sniffing tobacco. Yeah, that's gotta make it come back. I would think that would, right? because that's probably a pretty interesting high But I would think it's really What if we got nicotine in our brain cavity

Starting point is 00:45:56 because Snooking Ricky ain't doing will He's got he's got so snuff. Oh See I thought that that was that's the same container as chewing tobacco Right, that's long cut now that's an actual cut that you put into your lips snuff is more there's dry snuff right there If you look click on that one one down yeah one down right there. Yeah, there's dry snuff in that when if you zoom in on that side And you can see that, with that, that's just a beautiful dust right there.

Starting point is 00:46:31 The snuff. It's interesting, because like so Copenhagen, Kodiak, all that stuff, right? I remember when they introduced the pouches, or maybe the pouches were all always there, and I never knew about them. Yeah. But you know, that was where all started in Scandinavia because it was cold outside and it was windy. So they had to how they consumed tobacco was kind of chewing on it as opposed to

Starting point is 00:47:06 tobacco was kind of chewing on it as opposed to where, you know, they could light it. Right, easier. If it was warmer out, you know what I mean? Man, people will find a way to get tobacco. They need it, huh? Right. A little nicotine buzz. It just gets you going. Well, it gets all your or it'll make you go to the bathroom and make you stay awake if you're driving. It'll kind of just get you through things you need to do. I mean, my parents smoked constantly. Yeah, constantly. And, I mean, they all, I mean, they died when they were 10, but like, no, but they smoked constantly.

Starting point is 00:47:37 And now, no one really smokes. Oh, smoking's crazy. Like, it's pretty rare to see someone smoke. Like someone, like I don't know when they outlawed smoking in bars in New York City, I was like, well, that's not gonna work. And now the craziest thing would be like seeing someone smoke on the subway.

Starting point is 00:48:02 You're like, not only are they breaking the rules, but like they're smoking, like that's just, but now kids do the... The vaping, and that's actually worse for you, right, but it's fun and it tastes good. And you can have all the flavors in it. It's like you can have all the different flavors you want. But kids' lungs are getting decimated

Starting point is 00:48:23 because when you vape, you're inhaling oil as opposed to like cigarette, you were just inhaling smoke. But it's brutal because it is so fun and it's portable, right? It's portable, you can do it inside, you can do it outside. You see people on planes secretly taking a hit. You know, you getting gasped up. You see all types of people doing it. I worked on a movie and this girl was hammered.

Starting point is 00:48:53 Yeah, just constantly. I mean, she was probably nervous, but like, it makes you more nervous. It does. It increases your anxiety. If you have no anxiety, you hit that thing, two hits, all of a sudden you're anxious, you're scared, you're calling somebody,

Starting point is 00:49:08 you'll text the code, you say what's up. It creates anxiety. So do you, do you vape? I have been a vapor, I'll be honest, I have been a vapor, I have vape, and it's addictive, right? You can't really get rid of it. It's the most addictive thing ever. Like you seem like you kind of like,

Starting point is 00:49:25 were you always, I mean, vaping hasn't always been around, but like when vaping came out, you're like, this is my joint. No, I thought it was kind of, I thought it was something for that gay man did, honestly, at first. Oh, really? I thought it was,

Starting point is 00:49:39 but I was the same way about the iPhone. I was like, nobody's gonna, you know? Oh, that's so funny. This is, I was the same thing about twins when I saw twins for the first time. I was like, nobody's gonna, you know, that's so funny. This is, I was the same thing about twins when I saw twins for the first time. I was like, this isn't, I remember, I remember when email addresses, like I had my email addresses back when it was AOL,

Starting point is 00:49:55 and it was my name, and I remember a friend of mine making fun of me, like, you have your name and your email address? I mean, this is going back, and I was like, yeah, so that way I can just tell people and they're like, okay. Like what are you, your own business? It was such, and like I remember Greg Gerardo making fun of me for having my website,

Starting point is 00:50:18 Jimgaffigan.com, he's like, why do you have a website? And I was like, well, I think everyone is probably gonna have a website. And I was like, well, I think everyone is probably gonna have a website. And he's like, no. And for the hint, he overdosed. No, of course, eventually he got a website. That's right, that's how I'm in. But it was just like, it was one of those things.

Starting point is 00:50:36 It was, and he was a great guy. And, but it was just seen as a little bit like a Necessary right like you're being a bit much here. Yeah, you know like you know like you know like commercials They used to it like when they at the end they'd be like, you know visit nabisco.com Yeah, by the way, I'm getting paid by nabisco. No, I'm not but But yeah, it's crazy to think first of all all, that anybody's ever going to go to nabisco.com. Right. Yeah. It's like, I'm bored. I'm going to go to nabisco. See what those Keelor elves are doing. Yeah. Yeah. See some BTS of the elves. They're right. They're all on spring break. Right. It's a smooth,

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Starting point is 00:51:57 your ears your face. God trim your belly boy. Get well, homie. Their lawnmower 4.0 tremor features a cutting edge ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents thanks to their advanced skin safe technology. Get 20% off and free shipping with code Theo at manscap.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with the code Theo at manscape.com It's smooth sack summer boys get on board or get left behind What was yeah, what was Greg draw to like would you ever get to spend time with him? Oh, yeah people I started I started with him. Oh really I met him at Cold waters I met him at cold waters.

Starting point is 00:52:46 There was an open mic there that you had to pay. And I think you had to pay like five dollars and you'd go up and he and I both showed up. And we were both wearing suits. We had a coat and tie on. He was a lawyer. He was a real lawyer. He went to Harvard Law. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:08 He went to Columbia on a scholarship, but I think he went to Harvard Law on a scholarship. Oh wow. And he was working for the best law firm in one of the great ones in New York City. And, you know, like yeah, so we were, it was, I can't remember, but it was just, cause this was probably 92, 93. And it was, you know, at those open, it like stand up as much more middle class now, but back then it was it was a lot of people that should just be in therapy. Yeah, you know, it was a lot of people that I used to do those open mics and then but poetry open mics, they were poetry open mics. And you didn't have to pay for those.

Starting point is 00:54:03 And those were just even more mentally ill people. Oh, yeah. Just, but I love those people. Like there was the Bowery Poetry Club. There was just these really surf reality, just these characters, just these your New York characters that were. And just, you know, like, you weren't sure if they were homeless or if they were just kind of, but there were, you know, there were some real, real character people that were, oh, yeah, you'd have somebody with a fern built into the side of their head or you'd have like, yeah, somebody, somebody would just go up and they would just pour blood on

Starting point is 00:54:46 themselves. Yeah. You'd have some of the pH balance of like 11,000 go up there, you know. You would have, I mean, they would have, I, and then poetry was like it was almost like it was too soft. So with the other way of slam poetry, we'd have somebody just like throw a javelin through a white guy up there for,

Starting point is 00:55:02 you know, two minutes. It was, it was just a great thing. And then occasionally somebody would like read, so people would read their, because there was slam poetry right? Do you not hear my wings? And they would just fucking be had a white guy here. And then they would just be like, people would read excerpts from their novel. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:21 And people would be like, and the past had gone around at the same time. That was a crazy part That was the craziest What So like the Russian roulette would you ever do that? Oh? I think on a eight chamber I would I wouldn't go one six though really Did make a eight chamber, I wouldn't go on six though. Really? Do they make an eight chamber pistol? I'm sure they probably do.

Starting point is 00:55:53 Like do you own, do you have a gun and a drawer in your residence right now? Yes. Is it in a safe or is it just kind of next to your nightstand? It is accessible, I would say, without a safe or is it just kind of next to your nightstand? It is accessible, I would say. It's accessible. Without a safe. So if your girlfriend gets mouthy, you can take it out.

Starting point is 00:56:11 I can't help it. I could set it out next to the silverware. I could certainly set it next to the butter dish. I'm gonna do the same. It's dangerous. She comes home and you're just waving it. Where were you? And she's like, how is your style with some friends? Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:56:28 How crazy must have passed it in? I followed you on your Apple device. You weren't with your friends. Yeah, you had David Buster, so. David Buster. You know I got tokens. Yeah. Who's David Buster, so David Busters. You know, I got token. Yeah. Who's David Buster? You're like a wizard. Who are you fucking? Dave or Buster? You're out there with these mother beings, two men. Who's David Buster? You know, is there food better than mine? Yeah, tell me

Starting point is 00:57:01 the truth. Um, would you, do you think you'd ever murder someone in a fit of rage? Yeah, you would right? What about you? Oh Yeah, I think I probably could I mean not that I have an already No, but I would that I have in our radii. No, but I would, I don't know. What would you do with the body though? That's the thing.

Starting point is 00:57:28 Would you tell on yourself, or would you take a few minutes to decide if you want to tell on yourself? I wouldn't tell on myself. Yeah. That's interesting, you know, because like people, when someone murders someone, there's always kind of like people are like,

Starting point is 00:57:44 and then they lied about it afterwards Yeah, you know, I mean he killed his wife and then he concocted this big, but of course there What are they supposed to do and be like I am a man of honor I mean, it's like of course they're gonna sit there and go and try and get out of it You know, I mean like oh, you what, I'll take 50 years in jail. You know what I mean? But it is like the... Yeah, there's killing someone and then there's murder, though.

Starting point is 00:58:17 Right, I think there's a way to kill somebody, probably, humanely. Yeah. A little more humanely than murder. There has to be some middle ground in there. Like, did you know of anyone that got murdered in your town? I have a, I have a buddy who has killed somebody. Yeah. And was he caught or did you just kind of out him? He was not caught. He was not caught. Nope. And is it one of those things where you guys were having some beers and you just started crying? I killed Angela or or or did he tell you? Like I killed Bob. No, we were yeah, it was one time we were doing drugs. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:55 And I just knew that he had done it. Wow. Because I've had people all the time are like, I killed somebody. You're like, you're like, you know, you haven't, you know. And they're like, you're right, I haven't, dude. And what was the reason for them killing them? I wanna say it was like domestic dispute. Really? And it was gay man. Wow.

Starting point is 00:59:18 Wow. But I think there's a lot of domestic disputes and I think the tough thing about killing somebody, right? Is how do you say you kill somebody that says if you ask 100 people, 99, they're like, yeah, you can kill learning, right? You can kill learning. So you do it, but how do you then,

Starting point is 00:59:39 how do you hide that body? How do you, yeah. And where do you do it? And then how, I would feel honestly, like I owed something to their family. So I would have to go and live next door to the family and be helpful to them or something for the rest of my life. I feel like without, you know,

Starting point is 00:59:55 and I'd be like, oh, damn, I sure miss Ernie, you know? Yeah. And say, you know, it'd be fucked up, but I would have to do it. But they would eventually forgive you and they'd be like, oh, you know. No, but they didn't know you did. You didn't make love to Ernie's wife.

Starting point is 01:00:08 What if that happened? Is Ernie married? I think he is. And I think, yeah, at that point, you get in, you assume the whole role of a family, and you just take over. And maybe you rebuild his life back to a level he could have never built it to.

Starting point is 01:00:21 And you change your name to Ernie. Well, what about like getting rid of a body? Like you ever notice that like, I garden, I like gardening. I know it's, I don't wanna brag, but I garden. But I, like getting, like digging a hole. Like, you know, some soil is easy to move, but some's like, you know, if it's clay,

Starting point is 01:00:44 if you're trying to get rid of a body and clay, you're nittyy. You're, you're, you're like, taking and you're like, you know what, it's not going to be six feet, then you're just like, you're like pile of leaves, you know, you can't go deep enough. It's just like, if it's really rocky soil, you're like, these rocks, I keep running into rocks. Yeah, I don't think this grave isn't gonna be a sedan. It's gonna be more of a two-seater, you know? We're gonna go just like, this'll be just a hatchback,

Starting point is 01:01:19 this grave, yeah. And then the grave's just a foot in the hat. You're like, all right, I'm just gonna chop off the head. I'm gonna bury the head. You have to bury the head to the side. And then you go to the store and you're like, I'm gonna buy all this chemicals where you kinda like dexter melted bodies.

Starting point is 01:01:36 You buy the chemicals and you're like, you throw the body in merit, that's it work. And you're like, shit. And then you look in that you're like, oh, this, this chemical is not right, so then you gotta dump out the body. You take the body and you throw it in a dumpster and you're like, and then you're about to fall asleep and you're like, you know what, that dumpster,

Starting point is 01:01:56 they're gonna have fine-matte dumpster. You see a guy walking in the background and kind of like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm not dropping a body, right? That could happen. Oh, it would be so hard. Except some people get the hang of it. And I think once you unlock that code

Starting point is 01:02:11 of how to get rid of a body, it's gotta be. Right. I mean, yeah, it has to be like, when you like club 54 or whatever, you're just having a blast then. Yeah, it's weird. It's just getting rid of people. So people get, that's how they get off though, right?

Starting point is 01:02:25 Yeah, I think a lot of people, there's a lot of killers out there. And women like the shows. I mean, that's one of the problems you've seen with society is during COVID-19, all the date line episodes got watched up, right? People watched every murder episode, these channels started to repackage in the same murders, people like, no, no, no, I know this is, I I've seen this murder you're just trying to trick you know it's really sad also then they started encouraging people to murder right they're like we made some content oh they have to and and Netflix started paying people to murder would you be surprised though no if there were like there was like a list, all right, so I got to date her for two weeks, then

Starting point is 01:03:10 I have to be angry. Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be on meth. So it's like all these variables to make a complex, interesting date line that you'd have to do all that, but like it would be worth it, because you'd get paid great. Well, I think I could totally see if we get into a circle where networks, or some of these big business are paying, especially networks are paying, yeah, I'll pay $100,000

Starting point is 01:03:42 for some guy, you don't want to killings free, a low key, through some other channel, so never freezes back to me. I get to make a documentary about it. That documentary is gonna make me $500,000. So why wouldn't I just keep doing that? Right, by the way, there is a movie called Man Bites Dog, which is great.

Starting point is 01:04:01 I think it's, I don't know what language it's in, but before I had kids and before I was married, I used to watch all these indie films and it's amazing and it's about this documentary crew that's following this serial killer. And then they start joining in. Like, it's just how it's kind of contagious. Yeah. And how it's, you know, like so like they, they're like partying with the serial killer. And then eventually they get wasted. And then it's really dark, but it was kind of funny. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:40 What could see you, I think you get a kind of a custom to anything, you know. I'm a Ross day with a friend one time They were playing volleyball every day in the first day. I was like I don't want to play any volleyball. I don't like it The second day I got out there and the third day I was the first person on the court and then and we know it you're a Gabrielle Reese Yeah, she evolved about playing. I think yeah, Gabby Reese. Gabby Reese. Yeah, she married Laird Hamilton, didn't she? Really? Yeah, I thought it will find we should find out. I, she married Laird Hamilton, didn't she? Really? Yeah. I thought we should find out. I thought she was married to,

Starting point is 01:05:08 no, she's married to somebody else. Who is she married to? I think it's Laird. Laird? I think her husband is Laird. Oh, all right. Who's married to Richard Marks? I guess she's not a...

Starting point is 01:05:22 Oh, Marks. Because Gabriel Reese, she was on MTV too, right? I don't know if she was. Richard Marx. I don't know who Richard Marx is. He's married to somebody. She was volleyball player, right? Richard Marx is married to who? Who is his wife? Daisy Fuentes.

Starting point is 01:05:38 Daisy Fuentes. Oh, remember she was hot, dude. Richard Marx is not that old. No, I don't know. He was, but he looks like Chris Isaac. He wrote all the, you don't even know who he is. See, you're too young. The Marx brothers I've heard of. No, he wrote a bunch of songs. And then he wrote all these songs for like the backstreet Boys. There's something like that.

Starting point is 01:06:07 God, that'd be nice. You have another skill, man. I mean, I saw your movie. I've probably since we've last talked, I saw your movie. I think I even sent you a message about it. The one where you're the driver. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:20 Yeah, I'm American. It was really cool. Oh, thanks. Yeah, that was fun. I love acting. It's so fun. You were such a man. Oh, thanks. Well, that's fun. How much was it? How much did it cost to make that? They did that. I know they did it for maybe 250. Wow. And a great job for that. Oh, thanks. And Wow! And a great job for that.

Starting point is 01:06:43 Oh, thanks. And it was, when we were shooting that, there's a car explosion. And we shot that in like 12 days. And when the car explosion kind of happened, we had to shoot other things and we kind of tried to get the car out. And and I remember us driving to the other location the car was kind of still on fire. It was like a fire truck. I mean it wasn't believe me. It wasn't one of those things where we caused any damage to anything. But it was, I mean, it was this guy who was this great director and Derek Bort.

Starting point is 01:07:32 And he, but he had, he, he lives in Virginia Beach and he had a buddy who had a car dealership and he's like, can I have two of the same cars? Cause we needed two cars. So anyway, but I remember there was a car that was on fire and we were and I was like, are we leaving that here? And they're like, it's fine. It's fine. Cause we had to shoot. We had to get done with this. Did it's America's change. You can leave a burning car anywhere now. I feel like. Yeah. Well, there's parts of, but I think it's it. There's parts of Virginia, not Virginia Beach,

Starting point is 01:08:06 that's very nice, but like Norfolk. And Norfolk's nice, but there's parts that was like, whoa. It's a little, yeah, it's a little dicey. It's a little dangerous. Well, there's some big cities they've gotten even like, like Minneapolis is like deserted, I feel like, you know? Yeah, it's sad.

Starting point is 01:08:21 When I go there, I'm like, like they drew all kind of murals, like there's more drawings of people in Minneapolis than there are people anymore. It's, I mean, I love Minneapolis too. They take your special there. I think we're taking the same time down the street. Oh, yeah. And we couldn't, we couldn't see each other.

Starting point is 01:08:36 We couldn't see each other because of the COVID restrictions. Netflix didn't allow anyone in to, I mean, this was also this, and I have a new one now. Right. That's what you have a new one come out. It's your tent one. I know. Isn't that crazy? That's unreal. Yeah. I mean, but it is, it's, it's, you know, it's all self-assignment, right? And so what do you mean by that when you say that? Well, it's like, you know, it's all self-assignment, right? And so, what do you mean by that when you say that? Well, it's like, you know, when you did your last special, you're like, I'm gonna do this special and you kind of set your mind to it and you do it.

Starting point is 01:09:15 But like, I think the craziest thing is like, when I did my first special, it was the expectation was that people would maybe do one or two or maybe, you know, like Carl and did a bunch, but it was not what it is now, which is where, and it might change where people every couple of years put out a special. I don't think, and that might change, but like, you know, I mean, here we are on a podcast. I mean, this didn't exist in its present form five years ago. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:56 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Where it's like people consume like, there's pressure for you to do episodes because people, you know, they're kind of like, all right, I need another hit, right? Yeah, it's really kind of scary, I think sometimes. You're like, you become a dealer in a way, you know?

Starting point is 01:10:14 I mean, you become an entertainer and you look forward to having the chats with people. You also start to realize that people in our business and in different businesses are so busy that sometimes this is the realest chat you're gonna get with them. Yeah. And I started to realize that recently,

Starting point is 01:10:30 I went, where did I go? I went to do a podcast and I was like, man, and my firm was, he's just a busy guy. And I was like, man, this is, I wish I'd have utilized that time a little bit more with him just to really be like, oh, this is our time to connect. It's just, that's how, you know, if you spend a couple hours with somebody,

Starting point is 01:10:48 it's a lot of time. So yeah, it's, it is, I'm jealous of, I mean, I don't wanna, I'm not gonna start my own podcast, but I am jealous of, because, you know, comedians, you know, you get some success, you never get to hang out with people. Do you know what I mean? The more successful you are, the more you, and if you have other aspects of your life, you're not going to get the quality one-on-one time that you would normally

Starting point is 01:11:17 get. And just for comedians, this is kind of our oxygen is going to have other comedians. That's a good point. Yeah, I think it probably used to be different. You guys would hang out together more. Was there more than, I think all of that happens too when you're coming up as well. Yeah, and I think there was also just, there was, you know, there wasn't the touring

Starting point is 01:11:38 and doing theaters, which is great and I love, but it was, or, you know, if you were doing comedy clubs, there was, you know, three or four people and you'd be there for multiple nights and you knew some of the weight staff and there was, you know, you had more of, there was more of a communal experience, but it's all shifting constantly. And that's true too. It changes constantly. And it's scary to know if the next shift, if you will apply to it. Right. That feels very scary a lot of times. If the next curve, if you will have, if whatever you're doing, will have an ability to kind of like flourish in that space. But I think that, you know, I mean,

Starting point is 01:12:27 we talked a little bit about this beforehand, before we even started. I think authenticity is what people crave. Yeah. And so there are things that are shiny and trendy and fancy, but I think that if it's authenticity and it kind of just to the times, it's kind of timeless, right?

Starting point is 01:12:53 Yeah. I think, you know. Yeah, I think you want, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like there's always gonna be people that have, that come from similar backgrounds to that we have, not that I know anything about you. But you're, I mean, you're, I mean, it's like,

Starting point is 01:13:14 there's, you know, but I don't know. I think that, you know, comedians, we are, that's kind of a litmus test among our peers is to retain that authenticity. That's not to say there isn't some fun and there isn't some pretending and there isn't exaggeration. But it's also like I think when comedians buy their own hype, even when we were joking around, like when comedians think they are good looking, that's kind of the kiss of death, right?

Starting point is 01:13:48 When they're like, well, I am a philosopher. It's like, well, you have to be self-aware. Yeah, it's scary. It's kind of scary because also people start telling you stuff and you have to be careful not really to believe them. You have to just kind of know what your lane is. You have to stay out of your ego. The ego is really scary.

Starting point is 01:14:09 It is scary. The ego is really, really scary, especially I think for guys who came from low self worth and then here's this false sense of self worth, right? Or the, or here's this inflated. It's like this, it's like clothing. It's like this clothing. It's like this clothing. It's like, oh, look at me, look at what you can do. But the inside of you, it doesn't really,

Starting point is 01:14:30 it's not the reality. So yeah, man, that's been the scare. That's been something scary for me is like, be trying not to hear certain things or just trying to keep my ego at bay. I think it's ego, but I think it's also getting for me. It's getting caught up in other people's expectations, which is it's not like a problem that you solve once.

Starting point is 01:14:52 It's, you know, like the fact that your podcast is independent which is not good or bad, right or wrong or anything like that, is like the expectation of where what you're supposed to do with things is usually and it's changing. But like I guess what I'm saying is like the fact that Rogan, you know, everyone was like, oh, you're supposed to do this. You're supposed to start your own podcast company. No, no, no, no. He kind of didn't get caught up in that and then ended up doing that Spotify deal. And it's, and I think comedians have a tendency

Starting point is 01:15:34 to kind of go their own path. But for me, when I sit there and go, oh, I should do this. That's what everyone else is doing. That's when I really mess up. Or it's like, oh, that's a nice dollar sign. Right. You know, my agent said that's good money.

Starting point is 01:15:52 That's when you get in trouble. Yeah. Is other people's expectations rather than, anyway? No, no, that's a great point. What do you think is, how do we, how do we kind How do we? How do we kind of or what things come into play there when we're trying to figure that out? Because all that things like that that come across and it's like, hey, man, you know, this looks great

Starting point is 01:16:14 This is so many thousands of dollars. I'm like, that looks great that yeah, but then it's like trying to know what Trust whatever your instinct is, you know or know what your instinct is. That's really hard sometimes. Right. To know like, is this an instinct or is this a fear? Is this like an instinct telling me yes, or is that my ego telling me yes? Like, it starts to get weird to fucking figure those like, who's like, who's at the front pointing at that moment?

Starting point is 01:16:42 You know, what part of you? I think it's like, you know, it's, you know, I think the ego is very impulsive, right? So it's like, maybe taking time and, you know, it sounds corny, the pros and the cons that helps a lot. You know, I mean, and also, you know, you've got this successful podcast, but like also you have friends, you've got this successful podcast, but also you have friends. And you can, and, you know, it's just kind of like, you know, like your unique sensibility is not something that someone could tell you how to come up with. You know what I mean? It's like, that was on you. But I think input from mentors. And, but I think also tempered.

Starting point is 01:17:32 You know what I mean? It's like, kind of take all the advice and cut it in half. Like, even when people like badmouth someone, I usually typically cut it in half. So, that's why, like, if I really hate someone, I'm like, I already cut it in half. And so that's why, like, if I really hate someone, I'm like, I already cut it in half. I mean, I'm like, all right. You have to get in half the head. I have to bad shit you did.

Starting point is 01:17:56 What, when you and Jerald are coming up with, did he start off doing better than you guys were both doing well this time? Was there a competition there? Like, what kind of, uh, that's so crazy. He was so smart, huh? He, oh, he was super smart. And he was also, you know, everyone liked him.

Starting point is 01:18:13 Yeah. And he would help me get in to, because he grew up in Queens. He would help me get into clubs on Long Island. I was like this white bread guy, you know, and like on Lionel and they're like, who's this dork? Yeah, who's this dork man? Yeah, and so, but he would help me. But yeah, no, he had a lot of success,

Starting point is 01:18:36 and I was jealous and I told him that I was jealous. And, but, you know, it's weird because, you know, it's weird because it's not just about the success. I think it's like how we all process the failures. Like I almost feel like the advantage I had was that I had failed in a lot of things, whereas people that were really successful in everything, they didn't have the appetite for it. Or the aptitude, even for failure, you have to have some plus.

Starting point is 01:19:17 Yeah, and some people that are allergic to cilantro, they just, they're like, it tastes like soap. It's like, and so,, feel your, you have to, have to have, uh, uh, you know, you know, it's like, we tempered by it a little. Yeah, you have to, like, you have to have the calluses to deal with some of it if that makes sense. No, I think it makes a ton of sense, man. Um, that's fascinating. I wish I knew more about him. I always hear neat things about him. His son's doing standout. Really? Yeah. I don't know if I'm close to that, but good for him. Yeah. That's exciting. Man, I always wonder what it feels like. I

Starting point is 01:20:02 wonder if somebody so like imagine having a father that was extremely famous, right? Like say your father was trying to think as somebody who's really, really famous. Who can we think of? Pierce Brosnan or Kerala Conner, or who else has a kid? Well, you know, like, um, the quade family. Oh, the quade family.

Starting point is 01:20:30 They're interesting. Yeah. The son. I want to interview the brother to Randy. Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, you should totally interview. I want to interview Randy. Randy, if you're out there, we'd love to sit down and chat with you sometime, man.

Starting point is 01:20:43 But they're some jacks. Yeah, because the sun jacked. Extremely talented and an amazing guy. I got to interview him years ago and he was jacking. Is it really a guy? Do you live in Nashville? Yeah. And because I did this show full circle with Dennis and he lives in Nashville.

Starting point is 01:21:01 Well, Jesus. Oh, yeah, Dennis lives there. Yeah. But I'm thinking Dennis brother Randy. Yeah, but like they might, you know, he, yeah, Dennis lives there. Yeah. But I'm thinking Dennis' brother, Randy. Yeah, but like, they might, you know, he might go to visit his brother. Yeah. Yeah, Dennis lives over there.

Starting point is 01:21:11 I saw his picture in a magazine. Yeah. Yeah, Randy. Yeah, that's a serious beard. That's a beard that's, you know, that's when your face is like, how am I live off the grid? That's, that's kind of like,

Starting point is 01:21:25 you're not gonna tell me what I should do with my beard at all. Yeah, because I'm not even gonna be able to hear you. That's why, because I have- Yeah, there's some, there's some really interesting videos of him and his wife, right? I haven't seen, is it like a sex stuff?

Starting point is 01:21:40 No, it's just, he's, cause he's, yeah, he's got it out there. He's got's got you know, he's pretty strong right wing views Yeah, is that a safe way to say it? I think so and he and his wife it was really interesting because they were on a park bench And they were getting ready to drink I think some champagne You're solving like that. No on this video. Oh on the video, but they were I think it was all about yeah It was like about Biden're solving like that. No, on this video. Oh, on the video. But they were, I think it was all about, yeah, it was like about Biden and stuff like that. Yeah, they get pretty political. Yeah. But I would, I mean, Randy is an iconic character. Yeah. His cousin, Eddie character was iconic. Yeah. God in that. Wow. That came. I mean, that's this. And then the sun's a huge star now. Yeah, the sun is maybe a bigger star than even both of them were

Starting point is 01:22:27 I mean, they're all they've all obviously have a lot of talent their family Dude what about I love dessert. Don't you like it? Oh, yeah, you know what I had yesterday, bro. Bokla. I'll do really God man I didn't even know what what was going on and then I had it And I was like wow, they really did it good. You had it. I yeah, no, it's great You know what I had yesterday. I was on a plane and they know it's before the plane I had if you ever had olive oil cake It was amazing really it was amazing. Really? It was amazing. But Bacchleva, where'd you have it? I had it from some

Starting point is 01:23:12 Mediterraneans, you know. A couple of Mediterraneans brought it by and God, it was just so good. And God, it was just so good. Right. But it's on it. Break up a chunk of Bucklevard, dude. Let me even see it. Because you know, at the end of the night, I either want to fucking do something horrible to myself or have something like a sweet dessert.

Starting point is 01:23:36 Yeah. It is. Yeah. So that's like, oh, look at the layers on that. I mean, that's almost like something a geologist would cut out of the earth. Well, that's just like something a geologist would cut out of the earth. Well, that's just how many layers of, and you know, I think similar to croissants,

Starting point is 01:23:50 it's like, each one of those layers gets a bunch of butter on it. Oh, Greek food is really underrated. Oh, really underrated. God, I love, yeah yeah some of the pastries they look so gentle. You don't even yeah. You're like do we eat this? Yeah it's it's a baklava is it's it's packed with sugar too. It's just yeah I think it like, it's really dense. I feel like there's different, like, there's different eras of sugar, like, you know, because like rock candy, they

Starting point is 01:24:32 used to eat rock candy. The mother loves it. Rock candy. And then like, it was sugar on a little wooden pole, right? The chunk of sugar. By the way, you ever had straight sugar cane? That's great. You just get it hunk. And I think that's not bad for you. Wow, because it's not processed. Yeah. That process really doesn't number and it doesn't number on our bodies too.

Starting point is 01:24:56 But sugar cane, that stuff is so sweet, it's unreal. So, you know, here's the thing that I thought was, so I did this movie Peter Pan where I was a, uh, I played a pirate. So I kind of went down a rabbit hole learning about pirates. And so when sugar became this big thing, that's where, so like sugar people started putting sugar in their tea and their coffee and they put sugar and everything people love sugar and

Starting point is 01:25:29 It destroyed people's teeth and so like prior to that people's teeth were fine, but like one sugar happened it devastated people's Teeth there's another interesting thing that I thought was really wild. Is that like the coffee break was created so that people would drink coffee because when people drink coffee they're more efficient at work. So they wanted people to drink coffee. You know, I don't know if you drink coffee at all. Yeah, like having some. But like, it's like you can kind of focus

Starting point is 01:26:09 and you can kind of, I mean, it also keeps you regular, but like you can focus. So like they wanted people to drink coffee. Yeah, I mean, some people, there were women that would get rid of, if they didn't have coffee, they would get rid of their children. They couldn't handle it, you know, they need, it's part of their day, you know,

Starting point is 01:26:23 it's people that's a staple in American dayhood. And my daughter who's 40, I think all my kids love it, but like, they love Starbucks. They love Starbucks. Like how I loved McDonald's or Wendy's. They're all about the cake pop. They're all about the sugary, you know, those shakes. They're essentially just shakes that they're getting, but it's a social atmosphere going

Starting point is 01:26:51 to Starbucks. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a right of passage. It's like, now you're part of your day, you know? Yeah. It's like the morning paper almost. It's fancy. It's kind of adult pretending.

Starting point is 01:27:04 Yes, that's very true. I'm here to get my, they have your name written down. It's fancy. It's kind of adult pretending. Yes, that's very true. I'm here to get my, they have your name written down. Yes, like yeah, I'm here for my coffee. I've reserved. Kids love it. They love it.

Starting point is 01:27:15 And those cake pops are just, it's just a rip off. It's just a dot of a cookie. Oh, it's nothing. I can't believe that that's anything. Bring that up. That cake pop. Right. And it's nothing. I can't believe that that's anything. Bring that up. That cake pop. Right.

Starting point is 01:27:26 And it's just fucking, and it's gotta be as a bigger, you know, a bigger guy sees you eating that. He's like, what do you, what do you do? Right. You know what you're doing, huh? Who do you love? You know what's amazing is that you know

Starting point is 01:27:38 that those cake pops, they grow them on trees. Mm-hmm. Isn't that weird? Oh, yeah. Oh. There's different trees. There's like strawberry cake trees and there's chocolate. And it's just the way that they do it.

Starting point is 01:27:50 Yeah, they just grow like that. Dude, they do add the sprinkles later, those aren't. That's right. Well, you know what, you know sugar, most of our sugar comes from beets. What? Yeah. Look up Nampa.

Starting point is 01:28:05 Nampa, oh Idaho. By the way, by the way, beats, Viet Nampa, dude, beats are a very underrated vegetable. And they're making a comeback. Radishes are making a comeback. Radishes are making a comeback. Aren't they? They are. By the way, I grow radishes in my garden.

Starting point is 01:28:23 Takes like 20 days. Easiest thing to grow. So 20 days, easiest thing to grow. So easy, easiest thing to grow. And you can never decide if they taste good or not, but you eat it. Right. And you put, I put them in a salad and my kids are like, oh, do you put jalapenos in here?

Starting point is 01:28:34 I'm like those are radishes. Cause my kids are that white. They're white jalapenos, dude. That's hilarious. What do we have there? We have Nampa sugar. Let's look at it. I'm going to be honest with you here.

Starting point is 01:28:47 A lot of our sugar in America comes from beats and that's over in Nampa. That's insane. Yeah, I guess there is a big company called Amalgamated Sugar. It's based in Nampa and the Nampa factory processes 12,000 tons of sugar beats. Sorry, that's what they are and granulates 1,000 tons of sugar per day, wow, that's a lot. In addition to processing sugar beats in a sugar and molasses, the NAMPA factor produces animal feed products such as pulp and bataine.

Starting point is 01:29:15 So women, I'm kind of, what does a sugar beat mean? I'm not sure, can we say like a sugar stock? Sugar cane, is that another thing? There you go. What? Yeah, sugar cane, it's different. That's it. Oh my God, I never knew that.

Starting point is 01:29:32 Let's look at a sugar cane. I never knew, wait a minute. I always thought, I thought sugar cane was where all sugar came from. Brother, we all did. I thought it was, I thought it was, you know, from Cuba and Puerto Rico. Oh yeah, we got the sugar.

Starting point is 01:29:48 Yeah, I mean, yeah. And that's why there's Bacardi there. Can we look at sugarbeats, the wiki of it or something? So where am I? And Nampa, Viet Nampa, as they call it, because I think there's a lot of issues out there. Sugarbeats is a plant whose route contains a high concentration of sucrose and which is grown commercially for sugar production. What?

Starting point is 01:30:11 Yeah. Oh my gosh. Sugar beet are grown in climates that are too cold for sugar cane. Oh, that's interesting. In Russia, in 2020, Russia, the United States, Germany, France, and Turkey were the world's five largest sugar beet producers. I mean, you ever occasionally just hear about an animal that's never, and you, I was working on

Starting point is 01:30:32 this movie and this woman was like, because we have a place and I thank you in, in, in, upstate in New York and she's like, oh yeah, there's a lot of blah, blah, like she was like, some type of cat. And I was like, what's that? And she's like, you yeah, there's a lot of blah, blah, blah. Like she was like some type of cat. And I was like, what's that? And she's like, you've never heard of that? It's like, I, like it was just, it's some kind of common wild, you know, and you didn't know it existed.

Starting point is 01:30:56 I didn't know it existed. Blow your mind. Right? Yeah. You're like, how could I miss out on something? It was, she was like, it's the equivalent of like a mountain lion. I'm like, what?

Starting point is 01:31:08 I'm like, yeah, like, what have I been doing? How could I not know about the fact that bears used to be everywhere? Bears were everywhere. Bears and wolves were everywhere. Oh, I would be, imagine you're like, hey, I'm gonna go Take a walk and people are like, I don't know if I would right. Yeah, and you're like, fuck you a will and then you die Yeah, well, I think in China

Starting point is 01:31:37 People used to get eaten by tigers all the time Yeah, I think in in China and India If you would just get eaten by a tiger. Oh, I would hate that. And imagine if they start eating you, you know, you can't get away. What do you do then while it's eating you? Like say, it's got your leg going down it, right? And the pain is the pain your adrenaline will take over. Yeah. So you're just feeling you're adrenaline will take over. Yeah. So you're just feeling, you're just

Starting point is 01:32:05 horrified. You wouldn't have like a weapon. You'd have a knife on you, right? You'd just be like, if I'm going down, you're going down with me, right? What if you don't have that? You just pet it, you think? I think I'll try to put it to sleep.

Starting point is 01:32:20 If it falls asleep, you're gonna get it. You'd pet it and just be like, oh, it's such a cute kid. Okay, we're back. Like maybe underneath the belly and they'll go, oh, right? Is there a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr would always sing those to babies and now people like shut the fuck up kid. Yeah. Yeah. Nursery rhymes. A lot of them are really kind of dark, right?

Starting point is 01:32:55 Like ring around the rosy. That's about like the plague. And I think was it ring around the bridge about the plague? I I think, uh, um, was it ringin' on the brood of all the plague? I think it was. It's crazy. We're your, um, who took care of you when you were a kid? I was, I lived by myself. No, I, um, I was, um, the youngest of six kids. I mean, I kind of, it was definitely the end. There was nothing left in the parental tank for you,

Starting point is 01:33:28 probably. No, not really. That's interesting, because some people usually say, oh, you were spoiled, but like, there was a burnout, a fact. You know, number four was spoiled, dude. You were. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:39 And there was just, you know, so like, there were highly suspicious of everything I had done. Yeah, but it was also there was, I think it was an era where kids were kind of, you know, there would be like, get out of the house, see it at eight. You know, or see it at dinner. But during the summer like we would We would camp out like I can't imagine my kids just camping out But we used to do that He said just you know, all right. We're gonna build a par and

Starting point is 01:34:17 He'd wake up at three in the morning freeze it You run home Covered a bug bites. like why'd we do that? And then two weeks later you're like should we do that again? Yeah, right? You said you lived in up an upstate New York does Louis do you live by Louis? I don't know. I know. I don't think so I think he lives up there somewhere. Yeah, I'm in like Westchester. Oh sweet. I don't know where that is, but So yeah, so how many people how many episodes of your podcast of you have? 450 I think wow

Starting point is 01:34:52 450 to 450 to and this is our last episode in this studio actually it it now if I did so I was on a 2018 Mm-hmm was it here? No. It was at a different studio that was closer by towards the airport. And so how do you, do you set, did you design this or did someone else?

Starting point is 01:35:17 No, let me think. A lot of listeners and stuff have sent things in that were really cool. There's a picture of Brody Steven, some other sent. A lot of neat things We have a deck a whole deck of cards that somebody drew all these faces On different cards from all of our guests. Oh, wow. There's one of you in here too somebody made, but somebody made

Starting point is 01:35:37 Individual cards. Oh, amazing. This is really this is truly amazing that somebody did all those so and then Yeah, I think, yeah, we just kind of put it together. I don't know if we've always had the best design aesthetic, but. What was the most awkward, was there one where, yeah, this feels like work or was there one where? My nappest, this person person's wasted Oh, Jess even

Starting point is 01:36:06 turtle. Oh, really? The Baja. Yeah, down in the Baja. Now, were you down there when you did it? And I'll tell you why you want to know why? I'm not good at it, but and he. So he was the governor of Minnesota. Yeah, did he's a governor, but he's he's now he's kind of, do you think he's got CTE? Oh, I think he's the mayor of dementia now. And was there hostility? Not a chance.

Starting point is 01:36:37 He's like, I'm gonna leave in 30 minutes. Let me tell you something for two and a half hours. Wow. And he just talked the whole time. I felt, I shouldn't have written so much. It was just, it got to be insufferable kind of. And what was your connection? Was he promoting a book?

Starting point is 01:36:56 Was he, was he, I think he was in like a motorcycle gang or something, but I was just, I think I was just excited to talk to him, and just intrigued by him. He had a unique life, you know, to get to go do, to be a professional wrestler, to be a, um, he was an aqua marine. I'm not sure what it's called, um, seal. Yeah, he was a Navy seal, but it was, they do a lot of the, go in first and like we'll set like a like check out the premises before

Starting point is 01:37:31 Maybe the Marines come in land. I can't remember what the group is called But yeah a lot of underwater so it's like underwater uba ub. You do you know did he play in the NFL? I feel like he played me and a row. Maybe that's interesting. I don't remember if he did, but yeah, so that was just kind of a tough one, you know? And then I think on different days, some of them are different. Some days I wish I knew more when I was talking to people.

Starting point is 01:37:56 And some days I wish that I always in like a better energy or attitude, you know? Has it been hard being a parent and being like a famous person? Has that been kind of tricky? It is weird because, you know, you don't really think of yourself as, you know, having any level of fame, right? There's moments where you're like, oh, this is sweet.

Starting point is 01:38:23 I get to get a restaurant. I can go on a restaurant. But so there is moments where I, you know, like my son at one point when I was picking him up from like soccer camp or something, it was like, yeah, my coach was kind of a jerk saying, oh, you're the funny guy, you know, you're the funny guy's kid. You know what I mean? So like, that's weird, but yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's strange because there is,

Starting point is 01:39:11 it's weird because my dad was a small town banker so I didn't, there is nothing to prepare you for it. You know what I mean? So yeah, totally, and how could you know how to prepare for it? And especially it doesn't see, a lot of times that you don't feel like you're popular, you don't feel, it's like you walk around thinking, oh I'm up, it's like you're just kind of living your life. And then there's this other realm that's kind of going on

Starting point is 01:39:30 that flares up every now and then when you're in certain instances. Yeah, and or like if you're, we're eating dinner with, you know, not though we eat out really that often, but like if we're eating out and someone's like comes up, that's weird. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:47 Do you know what I mean? And it's like, I don't mind it if I'm alone or if I'm after a show and I'm in a restaurant, but if I'm with my family, it's a little weird. Yeah, because you have to take a break from that moment and then step out and then it's like the center of attention is you. Then you have to act like I'm nice. Right. In front of my kids and I don't like my kids seeing me be kind. Yeah, I always wonder what the effects of that are.

Starting point is 01:40:13 What are the residual effects that you don't even realize or that any popular parent doesn't even realize that a kid then how it affects their life. And then sometimes I was thinking like Imagine if your dad was like extremely famous your dad was like Napoleon Bonaparte or yeah, if your dad was like Michael Jordan, you know, how would you ever? Make your dad feel like he means as much to you as he does to like Just some stranger on you know I wonder if there would always

Starting point is 01:40:45 be some weird hangups you know, if you were that level of popularity, you have to be really interesting. Yeah. I think Napoleon's son even became, I think he ruled France too. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. I think that like there was, I mean, I think, I don't know, I want to see that in a

Starting point is 01:41:05 poly and movie coming out. Is there a new one? Yeah. Did you see Mel Gibson's new movie yet? Which one's that? It's a documentary. It's called The Sound of Freedom. Oh, wait, that's a documentary.

Starting point is 01:41:18 That's Jim Kovizel, right? It's called The Sound of Freedom. It's the incredible story of a former government agent turned vigilante Whom barks on a dangerous mission to rescue hundreds of children from sex trafficking. Yeah, that's Jim Kavisel, right? Yeah, yeah, I need to go see this is that mirror Servina Oh And Bill camp Wow, yeah, I think that's like the number one movie And Bill Camp. Oh wow.

Starting point is 01:41:45 Yeah, I think that's like the number one movie. That's wild. I gotta pee. You do? Yeah, I always have to pee. I had to pee before I even came in here. Yeah, go pee and we will do another 20 minutes. Adlo! Adlo!

Starting point is 01:41:59 Enciende la bella para abrir la puerta? Apágalá para cerrarla. Cogé la mano. Ahora di. Ábleme. Bien en a por ti. La mejor película de terror del año. Ábleme, estreno en cines este 11 de agosto, pulsan el banner para saber más. the gum. I'm sure they probably have some. I'm surprised that's not like at some store.

Starting point is 01:42:48 Oh yeah, coconut gum. It's good. Because you know you'd have a buddy. It's not addictive because you're children. Yeah, yeah. It's not addictive if you cheer for the meds. No, it's good. It's good for your jawline too. You get the coconut gum. That's fine. Yeah. It's cheaper than regular coconut too. Oh, yeah, my cousin yet half of his All girl's cocaine joint gum Wow fuck yeah, dude now that's I would go through it. Yeah, I'd ride off another heat Dude if I was on cocaine gum look at these to spell it to with no e On that little jar

Starting point is 01:43:24 cocaine, but you know did you used to party with it? Some ever with cocaine? Yeah at least a spell or two with no E on that little jar. Cocaine. But you know, did you used to party with it, son, ever? With cocaine? Yeah, I've done it, but you know. Yeah, me too. You know, you were like, yeah, me too. Oh, dude, it's high.

Starting point is 01:43:39 You know what I think about it. Some of the time I think about us meeting up in like a rope, like having a, you know, like a loping. I wouldn't really think about that. Like me riding off in a carriage in the night with an eight ball just holding on to me from behind, you know. The, um, that's, that's one of the influences of having kids is like, it kind of removes some of the stupidity stuff from you. Like, you're like, nah, I can't do that.

Starting point is 01:44:07 Yeah, you can't do it anymore. Well, it's like a baby is born and you look at the baby and your first thought as well, it takes suicide off the table. Oh. Yeah, I mean, it's a really dark thing, but it kinda is true. You're like, and now you're like,

Starting point is 01:44:24 man, I can't do that. Yeah, but there goes gymnastics. You're like, all right, I guess I can't be a hobo anymore. Do you know what I mean? So there is things like that in your life that start to disappear. Like there's like years where you're watching football and you're like, yeah, one day I'll get back out there

Starting point is 01:44:42 and play. Even if you never play. You're like, one of these days I'll get back out there and play. Even if you never play, you're like, one of these days, I'll be back out there, you know, they'll miss me. Somebody will call them need a free agent, you know, or they'll do a strike and they'll try out. They'll need a long snapper. Is there anyone here in the stadium, I could do long snapping. I did that in high school.

Starting point is 01:45:04 And then even those ITs start to, they don't show up anymore. Then there's just not a chance. Well, there is like the Olympic dreams die. Yeah. All right, well that's, like also when quarterbacks are retiring and they're like 20 years younger than you,

Starting point is 01:45:22 you're like, so Tom Brady's that old. He's only 45. You're like, oh, I guess, I guess I am a whole. Yeah. Yeah, you've done a lot of acting with this, with this many specialist, do you think about slowing it down? What do you think? Do you start to have, has your view or your vantage point

Starting point is 01:45:43 got different? I don't know if anybody has as many specials as you. I mean, you might be the most prolific. Well, it is, it is weird. I think it's like, well, with, I think we're all kind of reevaluating what we're doing all the time. But some of it, I think, was motivating,

Starting point is 01:46:04 motivated by when I tour I definitely want the audience to see a new show and then there is such a sense of completion in finishing the hour and then I don't know I feel like with standup I'm kind of And then I don't know, I feel like with stand up, I'm kind of, I'm getting better. You know, like there's, all right, you know, I'll be like, all right, I'm gonna, I wanna tell some stories, or right now I wanna talk about,

Starting point is 01:46:36 I don't wanna talk about food at all, which was like another hurdle of mine. And then I was like, all right, I'm gonna talk my wife had a brain tumor, I'm gonna talk, my wife had a brain tumor. I'm gonna talk about the brain tumor. And then, all right, I, you know, like I could just talk about my kids constantly, but I'm like, I'm not gonna just,

Starting point is 01:46:55 because I was like that 26 year old guy sitting in a comedy club hearing people talk about their kids. And I'm like, yeah. I can't even get a date. So, you know what I mean? So, there's the assignment of it, but yeah, I don't know. There is something of, cause in the weird way, we're doing it for ourselves, right?

Starting point is 01:47:21 And so, when you get off stage and people are like, thank you so much, you're like. I was just doing that for myself. You know, it was like, I had fun. You know, it's like, you know, there was this, there used to be this saying, like, doing colleges, you're not paid for the show. You're paid because it's so hard to get to them. Yeah. I mean, and always the worst. Yeah. and so, but to answer your question, I do feel like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, definitely, you know, taking some time, but it is, I enjoy,

Starting point is 01:47:56 it's the creative fulfillment. That's, yeah, that's the buzz. Well, that's it, that's, and I think that, people that have podcasts get that buzz. And I enjoy acting and I get it there, but acting, so it's so erratic on when you can do it. So, yeah, there's definitely, I think, a fulfillment aspect for people. You get to the end of a chapter in your life.

Starting point is 01:48:30 You challenge yourself. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want to try something new. You also feel yourself evolving. That's something I feel in my own life sometimes now for some of the first time. Probably forever. I've started to feel like, oh man, I'm evolving a little bit, I need to. I want to start thinking in different patterns

Starting point is 01:48:49 and talking about stuff that maybe has more, is like more thoughtful to me. But then sometimes it's like, you don't wanna get too crazy and you wanna make sure that people are just having fun. Absolutely. It's like you don't wanna turn into some like, you know, guy who's just like preaching, you know, so that can be kind of a tough

Starting point is 01:49:06 That can be tough a little bit sometimes to manage and I think comedians we I think people are always so surprised at how sincere comedians are that's not to say that we're We don't joke around and have fun, but like But we have to keep a balance on that sincerity. Because if we get too sincere, then we're just, then we might as well just be a preacher. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:49:31 Yeah, I mean, then we're like, you know, the way we should do, go, you know, it's like we might as well just be preaching. Yeah. Did you see that little kid, that Pentecostal kid recently, that kid who was doing speaking in tongues. Oh wow. He was a young preacher.

Starting point is 01:49:48 Now did you growing up? Did you go to church? We would sometimes. My dad would take us over there. I mean, my dad was so old when I was young. When I was a child and so he would walk over there to church and he'd fall asleep. He'd fall asleep wherever we were. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:01 And so when I got there, I was kind of on my own wherever we went. You know, my dad was like, I'll introduce you to people we go. We'd sit down for a second till we could take a break and then he'd be fucking dead of sleep. So then I would just be kind of like in these places and I had this sleeping father that felt uncomfortable. And then I was there and had to kind of like navigate some situations. That kind of stuff would happen a lot with my dad. And how what kind of church was it was?

Starting point is 01:50:26 Presbyterian Presbyterian. Yeah, they had three nice oak trees. I remember and They try to do an insurance fire once or twice, but it didn't take and and Great breakfast over there though Right God nothing to bring you home, you know, nothing to bring you to the lower like a dang. One of those donuts with pink frosting and a Friday. Well, I think of like different churches. Like you remember, like we went to this church in Maryland that just amazing. You go and get pizza. Donuts and you know, you're like you're just a little hungover on Sunday You're like this is sweet

Starting point is 01:51:09 You know a little kick from that lemonade. You're like this is perfect. Yeah, God knows what I need but Yeah, church was fun. I thought the funnest thing about church was this kids playing and stuff like like a social environment Yeah, you know, and it used be, that was the place you saw anybody. They didn't have all this other stuff. You had to fight off yellow fever all week and dysentery and get everybody's butts clean and everything and then wagon them up to church and that's where you'd see somebody and hope somebody with a little bit of money would make love to your daughter or you know, or you know, that's where it happened. It all happened right there on the, you know, and, you know,

Starting point is 01:51:49 it's like, you know, there is something strange about, because also I spent my 20s and, you know, my 30s very much opposed to it, and then I married this woman that is Catholic. And I mean, I was raised Catholic, but kind of just kind of culturally. And, but there is something about, there's a quietness there that, you know, there's something meditative about it and maybe because it's so boring, but it was, it's, there is something about like,

Starting point is 01:52:27 oh, I'm just standing there with my kids. I'm just sitting there with my kids. It's like the world slows down. Like, you see why people go and why they have a connection to it. Yeah, I love, I mean, I love faith. I feel like I have a good faith. I like being able to close my eyes, I love, I mean, I love faith. You know, I have, I feel like I have a good faith, you know, I like being able to close my eyes and, and I like to pray twice a day.

Starting point is 01:52:49 I like to be able to think about God and, and, and tall, and, or my God and ask him, you know, what I can do for others and just things like that or if I need help to offer me some suggestion, I love that kind of stuff. I mean, one of the best times I've ever had in my life or best I ever felt was when I felt like I had a really strong connection to a higher power. And I'd worked on it a lot and it really came to fruition. And even if some people say, well, that's voodoo, whatever it is, doesn't matter. It worked as much as it was real, as far as I knew.

Starting point is 01:53:26 And if that's the truth to me, then that's great. Well, it's also you had mentioned before ego, right? Like that humility or just a concept of humility is so necessary to navigate this because if you let the ego take over, it's trouble. I mean, and I know that, I know that to some people listening, we just sound like we're saying gobbledygook, but like it is one of those. Like when you, you know, you're somebody that if you, you know, like I've struggled with my ego and stuff like that, it's like the only way you can get that in line is having some humility

Starting point is 01:54:14 and like, and the premise of religion that, or belief system that there is a higher power is very kind of, it's like that structurally, you know, literally puts you in a position of humbleness. You know, I mean, because you're working with alongside somebody else or for somebody else. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm so grateful that there's something else out there that I can believe because yeah, I think I like rejected the world so much that I was in growing up that I wasn't gonna take direction from anybody in it probably.

Starting point is 01:54:52 You know, I hated my environment so much. I despised like, I mean, I despised my fucking environment, you know, it just, I mean, everything about it fucking hurt me. I felt like, right? That's how I felt anyway. And so the, no one in the world of human probably would I ever really believe in, right?

Starting point is 01:55:17 So you almost need this other, this, this, uh, satellite to beam through this other entity to help me get adjusted to trust the world again. And so that's why I'm, man, because for me, and everybody can have their own thoughts, I don't, but for me, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,

Starting point is 01:55:42 I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm fine with it. Well, for me, man, I'm so, because I wouldn't have believed you to say, hey, listen to this guy, I don't know if I would have done that. But you give me a hype of an invisible being, right? Yeah. Visually invisible, you know. And it's just, and there's just enough malleability in there for me to say, okay,

Starting point is 01:56:01 I'm willing to try this. And then it opens up more of a door for me of connection. Does that make any sense? Yes, I think also like even saying, I think the whole agnostic, I don't know, that's just where you gotta be. You're mean, it's like, I don't, you know, I think that human beings are so arrogant and the assumption that like every generation has thought that they've had it figured out and every generation

Starting point is 01:56:39 has been wrong. Do you know what I mean? Even, you know, so it's like, we can't be like we don't know. Then we're really kind of starting from a bad position. Yeah, dude. I don't know if how do you think you'd have been like a good like if you go back to those times you're going to date like would you have been like a good settler you think? Where would you have best done in history? Where would you have best been a good settler you think where would you have best done in history where would you have been oh yeah gosh I sometimes think about like my immigrant ancestors because you know my I did that finding your roots show I haven't

Starting point is 01:57:16 seen it so that's where they they kind of they do you know you did that yeah where they take you to the library well Well, no, mine was where they kind of like tracked my mother's side and my father's side. And did you go meet someone at a mall or anything? No, no. I did. This was, but like so my grandfather made dentures. And I remember thinking, oh, it made dentures. That's interesting. Yeah. Dental stuff. And, but what I learned through that show

Starting point is 01:57:54 is that my grandfather broke this cycle of working in the coal mine that had existed for generations. And so I think of like my ancestors that came over from Ireland, you know, and just like, that was rough. And you know, like there's an ancestor that was framed for murder. Oh, and how would you even prove

Starting point is 01:58:22 you didn't do it back then, like you did, you like. Well, by the way, I think because he was they you know, it was kind of theorized that he was a Kind of like there was this anti-immigrant stuff going on and being an Irish or migrant That he was part of the Mollie McWireson. So they framed. And then they kind of he got pardoned by the governor. And they don't know, like they never explained why he was pardoned.

Starting point is 01:58:51 Was he pardoned because he was innocent? Was he pardoned because he was crooked? Because he was crooked, you know? And so, but like yeah, so like a different era, I feel like I'm so pale that, you know, like I need sunscreen, you know, even my computer, huh? Yeah, open in the fridge. So I, yeah, that's gotta be the saddest dude,

Starting point is 01:59:15 if you're real pale, because then if you open the fridge, everybody sees you too. Yeah. If you're like bigger and pale. And so, no, but like, I mean, it's not sad, it's beautiful, but it's like, what pale and so no, but like I mean, it's not sad. It's beautiful, but it's like

Starting point is 01:59:26 What era would you be? Hmm. I don't know the future seems way sketch, you know, it's just I feel like going to be people like You drive up to a machine that feeds you and then you come into it. Yeah, yeah, it would but it has to be in the past Civil war could have been interesting, right? And if you would have been like a referee, I think. Yeah, I mean, Civil War, but like, people were just, so many people were killed. Like the equipment, like the weapons were so,

Starting point is 01:59:59 like, and it's like, you got shot, they just chop off your leg, you know what I mean? Yeah, they didn't even have to be shot in the shot. They just chop off your leg. You know what I mean? Yeah, they didn't even have to be shot in the leg. Yeah, they had some of their technical skills or way limited it to you. Yeah, where is I think like? Like if some people, even if they had just had like

Starting point is 02:00:19 Down syndrome, they'd be like, oh, he got shot by something. No, this guy, he's fine. He's fine. He's just over here rakingly. He's like, this guy, live alone. I think there was a lot of stuff like that. Yeah, like, but I don't know, maybe, but then I don't know, you're right. People smelled so bad.

Starting point is 02:00:36 I don't know if I would want to be a pilgrim because you're like, well, we're almost there and everybody's dying and then you get there. You have nothing to do. There's nobody even waiting when you get there. I do think that the South is really fascinating. I know you're, you know, we sound good. It is. It's because there's a civility there that, you know,

Starting point is 02:00:59 y'all and yes, ma'am, yes, sir, it's that is so different from the Midwest where I'm from, but it's there's a civility there and an authentic kindness that is kind of unique. You know, it's kind of this remnants of the British thing with like the sweet tea versus the British drinking tea. Yeah, there's kind of an old traditionalism there. Yeah. I mean, there's also tons of races. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 02:01:38 I mean, if you get it, it's a little slave, you get into Mississippi, it's a little slave, you know. But that kindness is fascinating. Yeah, yeah, that's the crazy part about the South. It had this like, it also, it had like two, two, different ends of the spectrum, you know. It was like, be a gentleman, be polite. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:01:56 But if you're black, you're not allowed to come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they had, I mean, that was just unreal. I can't even imagine that people went through all those times. It's really crazy to think that as humans, where we sit today, it's like, it's pretty unreal. And how quickly we fucking got to the place where we're just sitting here, you know, masturbating

Starting point is 02:02:18 into a phone. Right. Well, also like the, so we look at the bigotry or the bias of the past. What biases exist today that are the equivalent to, you know, women couldn't vote until 1920. You know, really African Americans couldn't freely vote until the 60s. And so like, it's like, what kind of, it's not like we're done.

Starting point is 02:02:52 You know what I mean? Like there's some biases that exist today that we are kind of unaware of. We're like, what's wrong with that? You know what I mean? Like there's nothing wrong. Like even like people, like I think when I started stand up,

Starting point is 02:03:07 people used to do midget jokes and they used to always drive me crazy. Yeah. And people don't really do that anymore, but like I'm sure I do jokes where people are like, in 40 years people are gonna be like, that hateful Jim Gaffer. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:03:22 Look at this hate monger. Look at this. He was like, he would talk about beef. Jim Crow, Jeff, he would talk about meat. Yeah. Like they eat meat back then. Like we're gonna realize like, the, you know, like we're become,

Starting point is 02:03:35 we'll be, all become Hindu. And like, you know, the cows are a bit sacred. Be. Dude, if we all become Hindu, then your material is hate speech. It's hate speech. Bacon? Bacon. Who are you? Just like what's going on?

Starting point is 02:03:49 You know, to take a bus menu at that point. Yeah. You know, like to Muslims and Jewish people, it's like I'm glorifying this sinful thing. Yeah, it's so weird. Dude, that's so true. Depending on how the future looks at things or how they even choose to look at things as like writers of articles and this and that, you could be vilified. Well, I mean, I think even the Rose Anne thing that happened on your podcast is, I mean, maybe I'm just kind of opening my eyes a little bit to it, but like, it literally took me two seconds.

Starting point is 02:04:27 So I saw she was trending. So what she said, then I watched the clip and I was like, obviously she was joking. She was being so sarcastic. Why didn't, and I don't even know, that's all I know. Like I didn't talk to anyone else about it. Does it still exist as an issue? No, no, it was going away. It was just yeah, it was just crazy

Starting point is 02:04:51 They just like they took our episode down and they said that we they give us like a strike on our channel because they have like Like but they retracted it right they didn't but they have their policies and we couldn't post for like a week So those you know that's YouTube and their policies, they deemed it like hate speech and that's their rules, right? And so that's, you know, I'm grateful to YouTube because I get to have this platform.

Starting point is 02:05:16 At the same time, I don't, you know, I disagree with them. But I think that anyone that, and you know, that's where it's like any individual who works at YouTube would probably, as an individual, see that, what, you know, Rosanne, the legendary comedian, and what she was saying was,

Starting point is 02:05:40 and I think she's Jewish Jewish would not view that as what some anti-Somatic person would say. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, it was, it definitely was interesting though. I got in some, some, some rabbi email me and invite me to some summer camp or something. And uh, but it was like $1,100.

Starting point is 02:06:03 I'm not going on that. And then of course the Holocaust happened, like who would ever, you know, every third book at the airport is about it. How, you know what I'm saying? Of course it happened. Well, I think it's also, you know, not to excuse the overreaction, but I actually do think that there is an almost normalizing of anti-Semitic speech. And I also think that, and I'm not saying, cause it's different when it's Roseanne Barr

Starting point is 02:06:38 and like someone who is just a flat out anti-Semite or like speaking in anti-Semitic tropes. It's like, I do think it's, you know, there's no comparing what Rose Ann said to what these other people are doing. Right. If there's like a real hateful person. Yeah. I mean, and by the way, I think anti-Semitism is like, I mean, look, you know, most commit,

Starting point is 02:07:09 like, I'll have, I don't know what percentage of comedians are Jewish, but it's like, all our friends are Jewish. And it's like, you can't, you know, you, you, you, you know, Stan or comedy is a Jewish American art form that like is, you know, so many of the great comedians were Jewish. So it's like, you end up being educated on anti-Semitism and you can't do a spot at the seller without hearing three comedians do jokes

Starting point is 02:07:39 about the Jewish American experience in anti-Semitism. You know what I mean? It's like... Yeah, I think it's... Yeah, I wish I had a... Like, I can't tell if people bringing light to that creates, makes things better or worse in that space. Right.

Starting point is 02:08:02 You know? Because no one said anything about it, like a million people had watched the video. There wasn't even a comment about it on YouTube. And then somebody makes a clip. And purposely is like, hey, look at this, right? And this is the view of it. You don't want to create a boy who cried wolf situation either. And so that's, especially when it's something as important as people being hateful.

Starting point is 02:08:28 So some of that is where some of my fear comes in. Let's, we don't want people to become numb to it. Right. But then also everybody has their different thoughts on it. And I respect different people's thoughts on it. I respect that people come from different places and I respect different people's thoughts on it. But yeah, dude, I have a problem with how we,

Starting point is 02:08:54 with that we keep putting Joe Biden out there. I feel like as a nation, it makes us look like, oh, this is how, and that we pretend everything is okay. Like, doesn't that seem weird to you? Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm somebody like, I think that if Trump wasn't there, or maybe I'm just imagining this, I think if Trump wasn't there, Biden would be like, I'm done. Thanks, everyone.

Starting point is 02:09:21 You know, I mean, I want to be like, good night. Do you know, I mean, like,. I think that I put on some long jobs in the shot. It can be like, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. I want to go and hang out with my wife. Yeah. You know, I mean, and hang out with Barack. I don't want to do this anymore. But like, yeah, we need ice cream with the former friends. I want Baracky Road, dude, he's got to come out with this.

Starting point is 02:09:51 But like, yeah, I think, you know, there's a difference between like the people that don't want to, that again, I think ego gets in the way of like the greater good, right? Yeah. And I don't, but I don't know. Maybe he is like, I'm great, but I think it's fast.

Starting point is 02:10:11 I'm trying to write this thing all about how, I mean, I saw Harrison Ford in that Raiders of the Lost Ark, number four, whatever. Yeah. He's 80. It was great. It was an action movie and it's like

Starting point is 02:10:30 You know 80 for Brady. It's like they're all 80. Yeah, it's a good point and so yeah You want people to have long career. Yeah, I'm look But I just feel like if we in like the media was like, this is our guy, he's gonna say some shit, you know? Instead of, I feel like we put this, like people try to pretend that he's not getting unwell. That's the part to me that it doesn't look weird to other people if it's like, this is how we treat our senior citizens, you know?

Starting point is 02:11:00 Like as America. Well, it's not how we treat, I mean, I think it's like, I thought your point would be more like Everything's like we living in a state of denial, but I also felt that like During the entire pandemic when Trump would do his daily Newscast that we were all like yeah, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. It's like this guy Do you know I mean it's like and we've all had bad bosses. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 02:11:27 It's like, but I also feel, I don't know, it's weird. I, you know, I really do think that if, if there was, if, if, if, if Trump was not a possibility, I think Biden would be like, see you later. He'd be like, I did my thing. I'm going to be in the history of bucks. Goodbye, everyone. That's a good J frog. Yeah, it's, uh, it's a good point. I thought about that. Maybe it's just more of like a defense. Um, but yeah, politics has just gotten so strange. It used to be so different, didn't it? It felt like we're all behind a leader. Didn't it feel like that?

Starting point is 02:12:06 I feel like it, I mean, I used to, it was so strange because I grew up in a small town. Indiana is a very red state. And I lived in Manhattan. I live in Manhattan and that's very blue. And in the entertainment industry it's very liberal and comedians are very contrarian. And so I loved, I relish having friends of different opinions. Like at the 4th of July I had a friend there who was a big kind of conservative like, you know,

Starting point is 02:12:48 he's, you know, he's all in on DeSantis. And then I had a friend there that was, you know, that wouldn't vote for, you know, vote for Hillary. You know, I mean, so left, like Occupy Wall Street left. And so it's like, I like that diversity of opinion. But and I feel like people that come to my shows, you're like even in the dark pale thing, I have this, this material on global warming. And you know, when I performed it around the country, there'd be some people that are like,

Starting point is 02:13:26 all right, global warming, maybe. You know what I mean? Whereas, like, they're giving me the, they're like, all right, I don't know if I buy the premise. Right. But I'm gonna have to all listen to the jokes. Yeah. And so, I liked that they're open to that, but there is also, I don't know, it's weird.

Starting point is 02:13:52 I know I'm kind of rambling. No, it's okay. And we can even take that part out if we felt like it was too rambling if we, for both of us kind of, you know. Let's take a little bit of news and then we'll get you out of here Jim. Sure. Because your special is coming out in a few days and the name of it is Dark pale dark pale. Oh, yes

Starting point is 02:14:11 Dark pale But it would be your native it would be your Indian name huh dark pale dark pale Yeah, so it's I you know, it's kind of I wanted to go a little bit, I think comedians are on stage personas are a little bit more accessible. What makes comedians laugh when we hang out is usually darker than what's on stage. And so it's kind of opening some of that up and also talking. And I think that over the past five years, we've gone through so much darkness.

Starting point is 02:14:53 We've all lost someone, lost some people, you know what I mean? And so there's a little dose of nihilism that I think we need. I think we need, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Some people think we need a war. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:15:11 Oh, that's so interesting. Where'd you hear that? Everywhere. We need a war. Because I think it would put people back on the same side if we had a common enemy. Wow. on the same side, if we had a common enemy.

Starting point is 02:15:26 Wow. That's interesting, because there is part of like, what's gonna get us together. And I hope it's. Oh, definitely. Soon as somebody says, Hey, it's us against them. It's like, all right, let's do this, you know? Yeah, I think that I don't know. I mean, it's interesting. Yeah, I think that I don't know. I'm just interested.

Starting point is 02:15:45 I think coming from this split background of, you know, I have real resentment when people talk about the middle of the country or the flyover states. Yeah, me too. It's like, I think that that has to be shamed for the stupidity that it is because, you know, again, we were talking about the, it's not like you're not going to get a great meal. You know, I mean, like, there's this, there's this, this dismissive stereotype, and you'd think it would shrink with the internet, but I feel like it's almost kind of grown Where people are just I always think it's so weird when I do

Starting point is 02:16:32 I'll do like a podcast or I'll be interviewed and so I'm gonna be like So is it different doing material in different parts of the country? I'm like not really Do you know I mean it's, it's not really that different. Oh. Do you know what I mean? It's not like people don't have every piece of technology or every form of entertainment everywhere. Culturally, we're very,

Starting point is 02:16:59 and by the way, the world is like that. It's like if anything, culture is disappearing. So, that's not to say that there aren't different viewpoints on things. I don't mean to contradict myself earlier, but it's not like there's a real huge difference on, right, from here to there. Yeah, right.

Starting point is 02:17:21 But I guess, I mean, there's some, I know whenever I've been in Illinois and certain places out there rural areas They don't even have 5G on their phone. So it's like if they want it's like more of a they have to be at home and be on their Wi-Fi To really be milling on their phones as much, you know Oh really? Like some of my friends that work in like farming commuter needs and stuff like that So I think in some areas There's probably a little bit less Consumption. Oh, yeah, no, we we have a place that we got after the pandemic and If I'm outside working in my garden. I have no service whatsoever. Yeah, like there just, it's just a no man land for a cell service.

Starting point is 02:18:08 So like my wife literally has to open the door like it's 1943. Yeah, I'm jammed. Get in here, your cats are doing this. And I'll waddle over. Yeah, what are they doing? With my basket of my harvest. Yeah. I love my garden.

Starting point is 02:18:24 Do you garden at all? I don't garden, man. I would like to have it someday I will. Once I quit touring a little bit, after next year. What do you like to grow in your garden? I love to grow just about everything. But I'm jealous of like, so Louisiana, I could probably grow peanuts down there.

Starting point is 02:18:42 Yeah. I could, you know, I don't have that long of a season. So like there's some things that I can't grow that. And some of it is, it is so interesting to grow things. Can you grow wheat? I could grow wheat. I grow corn. I grow cucumbers.

Starting point is 02:19:02 I grow pumpkins, peppers, but like even peppers, it's like, it's, you know, I'm, you know, North, it's not that long. I know it's a northern pepper. No, well, it's just like when it walks in. But like, it's, you know, you don't, it takes, it's, you gotta wait, you need some real hot weather. We need some harshness, you need some fucking pain in the yeah, fucking soil for a pepper like all right mother of a Yeah, I've got this shit right, you know, that's a kind of pepper you want though. Yeah, you want some you know peppers

Starting point is 02:19:36 Oh God, they're so good, huh? Right whoever had him first was such a fucking weirdo, but they were they are good. Oh, they're amazing Mmm. What do I love putting in my mouth? I'm trying to think. Oh, dude, when I had those, you know, a lot of Asian people will fry up a little cut of yam, have you ever had that? No. Oh, God.

Starting point is 02:19:59 Is it good? Yeah. So, wait a minute, Louisiana, you like Oprah? Yeah, I didn't mind it, dude. but then people start frying it and it takes it. Dude, it starts to look like it's been giving a blow job to somebody. It gets real viscous. Yeah. Yeah, no, I like it in a gumbo, but otherwise I'm like, I don't know about it.

Starting point is 02:20:21 You know, when you lift up a spoonful of it, it has like a trail that goes back to the stuff, and you're like, whoa, this thing is in, doing BJs. You know, it's a bit slimy. It's real slimy. So I don't mind, but what else do I like, man? I like broccoli plain. You know, my taste buds change over the years. I just started liking tiramisu, to be honest with you.

Starting point is 02:20:41 Oh, really? Yeah. You are a dessert guy. God, I fucking want it boy. When it's nighttime, mother fucker. Yeah. I will get up the middle of the night. I see it's more than chocolate.

Starting point is 02:20:51 Well, it keeps me off of vaping, I notice. If I can get a sugar in me, I'll wake up the middle of the night and put some peanut butter on my tongue and go back to sleep. Oh, my God, I see a butter. That's why I want to grow peanuts. I think peanuts.

Starting point is 02:21:03 What if you could do it, Jim Gaffigan's peanut butter? Oh my God, I would love to I want to grow peanuts. I think what if you could do it Jim Gaff against peanut butter. Oh my god. I would love to do it but peanuts I have never watched a video of this but I think the peanut plant grows and then the flowers drop into the ground and they become the peanuts. Oh it's beautiful. It's so crazy. I'm growing potatoes. Oh yeah I, I could see that I'm very excited about that Carries are fun to grow. Yeah, carrots are fun to grow You're gonna cut all this out of the podcast cuz it's so boring, bro. It's the best part, okay What else would I like to have onions garlic? I love garlic. Garlic is probably one of the best

Starting point is 02:21:44 Garlic is good. It just feels so, it looks like something wrong with it. Oh, it looks alien. Yeah. It looks a little alien. I do like seeing, I like watermelons. Oh, watermelons are fun.

Starting point is 02:22:00 That would be great to grow in the South. Yeah. It's big. There's watermelons and pumpkins. You just, and squash, you turn, you turn your back, you look back. It's like they've grown a foot. Yeah, it's crazy. How big is your garden square feet?

Starting point is 02:22:15 Are we talking? It's not that big. I have two. I built one that when we got the place, it was kind of already there. And then, um, and then here, let me see where I got here. Oh, there's a picture of you right there in some garden. That looks like no, this is a hike, but this is my garden right now. That's those are the raised beds. Oh, yeah, see that's oh wow Jim. This is beautiful. Yeah Do you have this it's my wife calls it the English Garden and then that's oh, that's that's my Irish Garden

Starting point is 02:22:53 And so the Irish Garden was there was kind of this field that I Kind of converted Mm-hmm now this is what see that field up there. Mm up there. This is what that field looks like now. So it's, oh that's great man. These are both on the same property. Yeah. And so one does look more Irish. Yeah, right. This one looks more like it could have a headstone in part of it. Yeah. And so, uh, but this is, you know, like your waist top, I don't know if your waist top on Instagram. But this is, you know, like your waist time, I don't know if you waist time on Instagram.

Starting point is 02:23:27 So like on, it's scrolling and all that. Oh yeah, on TikTok. I scroll on Instagram, on stories, but I'm just watching people harvesting. Oh wow. That's beautiful. Now there's something romantic about that I think. Yeah. You know, get out there and that dirt. Oh yeah, my grandma used to make us put these nets over her strawberries so the crows didn't get them.

Starting point is 02:23:48 Oh, yeah. You know, she lived out in Illinois and rural Illinois and they had a rain barrel out there and they would collect rain. Yeah. And, um... Did she have any paint? Did she ever paint rocks to look like strawberries to trick? Yeah. To trick the crows. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:24:03 Dude, I never realized that's why she did that, but she would always have these painted rocks. Yeah, so the birds would come down, they'd pack at the rock and then they'd be like, forget it and they'd leave. That's, that's both the bird and the human that do that are frickin' wild. And that's, that'd be crazy.

Starting point is 02:24:22 Like, what if you put a stone woman outside, you know, in some rapist runs up? This scarecrow, right? And that's, that'd be crazy. Like, what if you put a stone woman outside, you know, and some rapist runs up? This scarecrow, right? The scarecrow is supposed to scare. It's pretty crazy how there's all these things to trick the animals and also, and then there's companion planting, which is fun.

Starting point is 02:24:42 But I just, and what is that, plants need friends? Kinda, you know, plants need friends? You know plant need friends? Oh, well, some people talk to their plant. Yeah, I've seen that before. And, but a companion plant is like planting something nearby that either will help with nutrients or will deter pests. So for instance, onions or certain

Starting point is 02:25:12 pests don't like the smell a bit. And then, you know, you grow like a cilantro is will deter things and you know basil. Oh yeah, I like having some basil, huh? Basil's amazing. A lot of women who are having a tough time grow basil, I feel like. Well, it's, you know, it'll bolt. It's like you got a, you got a secession plant.

Starting point is 02:25:40 Yeah. And then this is going to end up in the episode. Oh, I think it's interesting. Let's get in a couple of news things and we'll get you out of here Jim What happened in the news anything's that? What happened? There's a video going around. I guess a mayor in Mexico married an alligator. Um, that's I guess it's a good luck thing But this is real Now this is in part of some ritual. Yeah, no, yeah.

Starting point is 02:26:06 Oh, it is part of a ritual. Oh, these are. A vlog to the town. Yeah, not surprised. It seems kind of well. I also have his mouth shut like that. What else we got? Did they consummate the marriage?

Starting point is 02:26:20 Ooh, right. There used to be a YouTube video of a man making love to a, uh, big, uh, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a video has gotten a ton of views. I guess this woman was faking cleaning up a beach for social media and then left all the trash there after. This has five million views and a lot of people have a problem with this. Oh. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's all just for show now.

Starting point is 02:27:00 So this girl's faking it. Oh, and then she just left the bag there. Mm, not shocked. Wow. That's what happens, man, if people, it's just about what the look is, you know. It's hard. So what is that?

Starting point is 02:27:16 That is a symptom. It's a sickness, huh? It's... Well, it's the absence of right or wrong. I remember one time I saw a movie recently, and I was with my tenure old, and we were with a friend, and my tenure old spilled this big bucket of popcorn.

Starting point is 02:27:41 Oh. And I was like, I looked at it, and I was like, and my friend was like, we'll pick it up. And the weird thing is it's like, I was like, I was gonna pick it up, but I was like, he thought I wasn't gonna pick it up. And so I was like, well, why wouldn't I pick it up? Because I think the tendency is like someone else would do it. Oh, yeah. Right. Times of change, man, I noticed when the elevator stops, people get out, people will get

Starting point is 02:28:09 in before you have had a chance to get out. That never used to be the case. Wow. Here's an interesting thing that I think is happening. Usually when I'm out and about and I used to, and I'd run into somebody and be like, hey, nice to meet you, don't you. We'd have a nice conversation. And at the end, they used to say, hey, can I have a photo? Or I don't want to bother you, can I have a photo?

Starting point is 02:28:31 Now they say you have this nice conversation. We try and throw one. Then they go, hey, can you call a friend of mine? Yeah. And I'm like, what do you mean? And they're like, if you could call my nephew. And I'm like, what do you mean? And they're like, if you could call my nephew. And I'm like, no. And these are perfectly normal people.

Starting point is 02:28:50 Yeah. And I don't be like, no, I'm not gonna do that. And they're like, well, you're a friend. I just, you know, I just want people to know. Yeah, it's too much, dude. I, yeah, somebody the other day was like, A, brother, this was the craziest thing I ever got this guy It's a young Mexican guy and he had on a wife beat her, right?

Starting point is 02:29:10 And it's like, hey, we signed my jersey, right? That's what he called it, which made me laugh first of all It was really funny and he seemed like a funny dude. We had a nice chat and then he goes, hey homie We make a video for my cousin Hector, right? He's like like what's wrong with, yeah, sure. Well, what do you want me to say? He's like, just say something nice, man. He got possessed by ghosts. That's what he said, right?

Starting point is 02:29:31 And the guy's being totally serious. So I'm like, what do I even fucking, what do you want me to do? Sorry, you possessed by ghosts. Yeah, so I was just, I was like, what do you want me to say? He's like, just tell him we miss him, you know? So that's what I did. I was like, hey I was like, what do you want me to say is like just tell him we miss him, you know So that's what I did. I was like, hey, heck throw me. We miss you, though But it was just like what are we doing? Yeah, what's the value here, you know, what's the value like what What onions are we growing right? Let's see a roll question here. Um, you have a new TV series that's out too, right?

Starting point is 02:30:04 Yeah, dude, you're doing a lot of acting. Do you think that's where you're gonna start directing more? Do you think you're gonna? No. No. But I hope to act. I hope to act. And I love stand up.

Starting point is 02:30:17 And since Philopsy more often died, you could take over his stuff. I mean, everyone keeps saying that. Why? It is like one of those things where part of me, when people say that, I was think that's weirdly common that people say that and the other part of me is like, why aren't I getting those roles? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:30:35 But. Did it get a Capote too or something? It is kind of funny, man. Sometimes people's brain just filling the other person, you know, Dan, who would play you? Oh, I don't know probably There's this If I died there's this kid named Rup

Starting point is 02:30:57 He's like I don't know what show you is on but he's interesting DJ Rup bring him up He would play me I think This kid but get it more read let's just see if see any more pictures of them without the dreadlocks. What's the dreads from? I'm not sure Yeah, these are old pictures of them, but I think he would probably play me. I think I could see him doing it. Yeah, I don't know Where is he from? I'm not sure Probably is he is he a DJ? I don't know if he really is, but he's funny, dude He's this dude is really really funny, but I think he could probably play me

Starting point is 02:31:41 Who would play you you think think? Say you, duh, you passed away. Oh, my God. Who's the guy who, I wonder what is Jesse Pemperton? That's Jesse Plemons. Jesse Plemons, yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's good. Did you ever meet him?

Starting point is 02:31:56 I've never met him. I met for Phil Hoffman a couple of times. You did? Yeah. Did he say how you look like me a little? No, I mean, yeah, I think we both had heard it and I we improvised a movie where with a bunch of other people and

Starting point is 02:32:17 They were figuring out it was this Bob Balaband who does these other things and it was a great gig like I was flown to LA to improvise this movie every day and all this and this was in the maybe two thousands and Or maybe maybe it was before that and so anyway So we're sitting there talking and so I'm with Phil and I go I Go well, we should probably play brothers. And the guys like, I was thinking more you guys are friends and I'm like, all right, I mean, we literally look like brothers, but okay. And so, yeah, we're no vision then.

Starting point is 02:33:00 No, but he's obviously Bob Bellabond, it, but it was really great. He has a brilliant guy. And he, but like he just, that's not how he saw it, but it was, and we never ended up, we improvised the script and then he, Bob was going to go away and write it. And then after that, Phil Hoffman, like, then it was Capote and he was on another level. Yeah. Did you ever get to spend time? Oh, yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 02:33:28 I could definitely see it more and more now. Yeah. That's crazy. I think I'm how old was he? What year was he born? What if we were born the same day? If we were found out that we were like, this found the same parents. July 27, July 23, 1967.

Starting point is 02:33:51 I'm July 7, 1966. Oh, what if y'all are the same person? Isn't that crazy? Yeah, he's from the West Village. No, well, he was from a guy in the West Village. Yeah, I think he's from the West Village. No, well, he was from the West Village. Yeah, I think he's from Rochester. Fairport New York. Wow.

Starting point is 02:34:09 Where? Fairport New York. Did you ever spend time with Robin Williams? I met him a couple times, yeah. Was he like the one of the biggest, when you met him, was he just like he was on another level? Was it? He was the nicest, sweetest guy. Like I met him at, he did Bob

Starting point is 02:34:29 Goldthraids movie. And he was this really sweet. It's really weird because I, you know, he was known as among the comedians. I mean, there was a, before he went back to doing stand up, he was known as this guy that would steal people's material. Like some of it is, I think he was on Coke and he was unaware of it. And he talked so much that he was, he was triple timing anything. So, and so he was, but, you know, he was the sweetest.

Starting point is 02:35:11 Like every time I met him, I didn't feel like I was, you know, it was like talking to a, just another comedian. Yeah, very strange because it wasn't like, like you know how in LA everyone's kind of looking around the room. Yeah. It was just a conversation. He was locked in.

Starting point is 02:35:35 Yeah. It was pretty special. Like you see why people were attracted to him. Yeah. Was he later or was he regular size? He was, he was not, he was similar to Brody. He was a hairy guy. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But to answer your question, I think he was, he wasn't super tiny. Yeah. But he was not, super tiny. Yeah, but he was not not 510.

Starting point is 02:36:11 Do you yeah, do you start to think about it? Is there a spot where like a comfortable place where comedians retired? Do you ever think about that? Like not, I know you talk to everybody about not staying in it too long, you know? Like is there a comfortable place where people? I don't know. I feel like I do you think about that at all? I'm not saying there isn't no I feel like stand up is a living kind of thing that You know people might not be interested in you doing it But I think you can continue to do it and I think that there is something so emotionally rewarding

Starting point is 02:36:51 about doing it. Don't you feel that way? Oh, yeah. Whereas I, but I don't think it's, it's, yeah, I mean, I think that all, it's just kind of like coming up with new material Is just too rewarding to kind of yeah, there is something great about it. You get one new line one new line You're like I'm hoax for another year. All right Yeah, I think we covered a lot of stuff Zach give anything else

Starting point is 02:37:21 No, I think we're all good Jim might have to go, but okay Jim. Thanks so much man Sorry, I didn't know we'd be in here so long. No, it's good're all good Jim. I might have to go but okay Jim. Thanks so much man Sorry, I didn't know we'd been here out, I can feel it in my bones. Thought it's gonna take.

This Past Weekend - E453 Jim Gaffigan

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