This Past Weekend - E466 Anthony Jeselnik

Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's guest is a writer. He's a stand-up comedian. He has countless specials on Netflix. He has his own podcast called the Jezelnick Rosenthal Vanity Project that comes out every week. His latest special is Fire in the Maternity Ward. He's a one-of-one. You hear that term a lot, but there's, I've never met nobody like this man. And I've always looked up to him and admired him. I'm really thankful to have him here today on the podcast. This is one of our first times sitting down and talking.

Starting point is 00:00:36 So today's guest is Mr. Anthony Jesselman. Shining light, me. I'll sit and tell you what's your reason. Shadaladon, me. And I'll be found a strong, honest, and honest. I'll go. I'm a singer. I'm a monster. I'm a monster.

Starting point is 00:01:03 I should just joke. I was like, you heard what happened to the fans? He got eights. And how about the people I did? And I'd be like, no, he didn't know he didn't guys after. I had this joke that I loved that was, my family was exactly like the Brady Bunch. We might not have been perfect, but my father did die for Mades. And it would kill in the beginning, the first 10 years of my career, it would kill so hard. People would be like, I love that joke so much. And then all of a sudden it

Starting point is 00:01:36 just stopped working. And I was like, oh, my audience has gotten younger and they don't know about the Brady Bunch. They don't know the doctor. So I was like, oh, I gotta stop doing it. Yeah, because I think my fear would have been that something, oh, people don't love AIDS or they're not. They're, they've, everybody's gotten on the side of like, against AIDS, you know? Thea, people love AIDS. It's like, it's, like, what other disease gets its own quilt?

Starting point is 00:02:01 Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah. Yeah, you don't see like a asthma afghan. Yeah, there's nothing else has that hype. Anthony Jezzelnikman nice to see you, dude. Good to see you, man. It's been a while. Yeah, it has been a while. I mean, I would see you like at the store every now and again, like we were doing the store, but now everyone's on the road doing stuff as your friends get successful and get busy, you just never see them again. Yeah, I mean, that's probably happened

Starting point is 00:02:26 because you've had a lot of success for a long time. Sure. So did that happen, like, kind of, I guess you just noticed that. Like, yeah, was it more fun before? Did it start to get more like, loaned something? What do you think?

Starting point is 00:02:38 It gets lonely for sure, because you come up with a certain group, you know, and you think everyone's gonna make it. There's like 10 guys that you're with, and you're like, we're all gonna be stars one day. And then like half of them quit. The other half are just like become writers or something. And then you're like, oh, now I'm on the road.

Starting point is 00:02:53 I don't see anybody anymore. And you get a different group of friends. And they start doing movies and shit. So it's like, well, I love this guy, but we never see each other because I'm on the road and he's doing movies. So you just lose all your friends, always. Yeah, and it's hard to have when you're touring,

Starting point is 00:03:06 it's hard to even keep up friendships. It's like sometimes I get so exhausted, like, I hate to say exhausted, but yeah, I get exhausted with like whatever's going on or responsibilities, and then if a friend texts me sometimes, I'm like, I'm just not dropped into a space where I want to engage in a conversation. Yeah, where you're like,

Starting point is 00:03:24 you're on the other side of the country, I'm not gonna write back right now. Well, you over like, you get in a relationship and you're dating someone for like a year and you don't see your friends as much and then you break up and you have to like, remind your friends that you're still a person.

Starting point is 00:03:36 You know, like, oh, I know you, we haven't been hanging out, but you gotta start calling me again. Oh, yeah. You know, like, you were on the road for a year and you don't hear from your friends for three years. Cause you'll see someone and they're like, what are you doing? And you're like, I've been done. I've been around, like, you were on the road for a year, you hear from your friends for three years. Cause you'll see someone and they're like, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:03:46 You're like, I've been done. I've been around. Why have you called me? You know, you just, you don't see people and they're just out of mind. Yeah, I think the road makes me feel like a bad friend a lot, I think, because I'll come back in the society, like re-enter society or something,

Starting point is 00:03:59 like a convict or something. You know, you kind of go through like a re-entry where you see what you have in your Closing you're like holy shit. This has been out of style for oh, yeah, and all your stories are about like a driver You have that you didn't like and I said we don't this is not a real life. We don't know we don't know what you're talking about Are you at a bad flight? Okay, I'd love to fly somewhere. Yeah, I'd love to go anywhere. Yeah Yeah, it's interesting man. It's interesting as your career goes on, like what it's like.

Starting point is 00:04:26 I think what I thought it would be like maybe. I don't know, I think sometimes I think I stayed in comedy because I think I wanted something that you didn't have any commitments like in the world. Like I always got to leave whatever relationship, whatever moment a girl was like, what's going on? You know, like I have to be in Indiana. So we'll find out when I get back

Starting point is 00:04:51 and then eventually come back enough and that wasn't even there anymore. Yeah, I think a lifestyle is a big draw to comedy, almost too big a draw. You know, you see the people who get into it for the lifestyle and then you watch them just destroy themselves immediately. The lifestyle is attractive.

Starting point is 00:05:07 People like the lifestyle more than the work. Nobody becomes a comic because they want to sit and write jokes all day. They become a comic because they want the applause. They want to walk off stage and be like, where's the party? Yeah, that's true, right? Because people don't realize it's just a bar. It's like it really just a bar, it's a bar business

Starting point is 00:05:24 with like a dancing guy. Yeah, if you're like,'s just a bar. It's like really just a bar, it's a bar business with like a dancing guy. Yeah, if you're like, I need to get a job, but I like to drink too much. Become a comedian. Like in your set, yeah, two birds, man. Did you ever almost get married? Was there ever a point where you almost got, where like, that almost happened for you?

Starting point is 00:05:43 Not, about the same as like me thinking about going to law school. You know, when you're like at a certain age and your friends are like doing real things and you're like, oh, like maybe I guess this is where I just go and go to law school and become a lawyer. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, my friends are all getting married. I've been in a relationship a long time, maybe I will. And then I'm like, oh wait, no. People just do it just because they think it's what they're supposed to do.

Starting point is 00:06:04 You think so? I think a lot of people do. Yeah, you just like, oh, I get married, that's what I do. And then you're like, 10 years in, you're like, wait, that, why am I doing this? And now, at this point in my life, getting married just seems like a terrible financial decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, why?

Starting point is 00:06:18 I don't know if this makes sense. So do you think a lot of people, they just feel like that's what they have to do. It's like, I have to get married now. It's that's what they have to do. It's like I have to get married now. There's it's just what I'm supposed to do. It's like my responsibility. Do you think it's to like family? Do you think it's just like to society? I'm just wondering,

Starting point is 00:06:33 cause I've never had like that mindset. Whatever that mindset is, it's just never been kind of whatever's in my head. I think it's both. I think it's family and society. You know, I've got several married siblings and they're always like, when are you getting married?

Starting point is 00:06:44 Are people willing to get married, they want everyone else to join their crew. You have a kid, you want everyone else to have a kid too, so you can talk about having a kid. And it's like, I don't know how can I have a kid just because you did. And maybe if I lived in like a suburbs somewhere and that was my life and it was like, this is my house.

Starting point is 00:06:59 You're staying in this house. Then it's like, all right, kids are, that's what I'm gonna spend my life doing. This is my life's work. This is my life's work. There's a place for a kid to be over here. We could definitely put a kid in this area. Yeah, and I definitely don't want kids. Really?

Starting point is 00:07:12 I even went through a phase where I was like, if it happened, I've got money now. I could handle this, but I did no real interest in doing it. Do you think you'd even have bad luck having kids who's so many kids die in your material. It is a thing that I think about. I've done it talked a lot about sharks, and so I would never go surfing.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Because if I get eaten by a shark, everyone's gonna be like, see, this is Kline, he was his fate, his whole life. Then having a kid seems terrifying. I think every parent goes through this. Once you find out you're pregnant, I'm like, so many things can go wrong. You hear about the bad, you hear about the good, you know, you're counting the toes and the fingers,

Starting point is 00:07:48 autism, like all kinds of different stuff that you're just like hoping. That just, it seems like nice and not to deal with that stress. Yeah. I don't miss it. And sometimes you don't know if you're kids autistic for like a couple of years and stuff, I think.

Starting point is 00:08:00 So it's like, Did we both know people who are like for sure autistic and they just, I'm talking about it. Yeah, yeah, undocumented autistic. Get them out of the country. Well, I think a lot of, I've had a lot of theories that a lot of the future will be people, like if you look at guys like Jeff Bezos, right?

Starting point is 00:08:21 And Elon Musk and I'm trying to think of some other people that seem to me, if I'm listening to them, they seem like they have some sort of autism, right? But they're also the people that are able to quantify things to another level, like where they can advance society. I think it's getting to a point where those are the people that are gonna have the skill sets to move us to the next space in the universe. I think you're always gonna need some of those guys who are like working on the numbers and shit.

Starting point is 00:08:57 You need some people who can talk, you know, need some people who are like, just sitting back there crunching numbers. But have you ever tested yourself for autism? Mm. No, I know that they had, they thought I was down syndrome when I was a child for a while. I had that because I was big for my age.

Starting point is 00:09:12 Oh really? I had to give away. I looked like I was four when I was like one and a half. Oh. And yeah, I heard a lot, I heard a lot of stories about me in the supermarket. Especially in Pittsburgh. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:09:23 Especially in Pittsburgh. Oh yeah. Because all the babies there are really small, you know compared to me. I was a huge, huge baby. Really? Yeah. I was the biggest baby that had ever been born in Pittsburgh at the time. Oh my God. And what did they did they do? And what had, did they put a, I don't even know, did they give you like a statue? What did they even, it was sash? They put on me and then they put me in like a stroller It was like a bigger stroller and they prayed to me down the street and people would just like kind of wave People were in Jerome Betis jerseys out there. This is pretty this is pretty bus. Oh really? So like Jerry Olshansky Franco. I think you probably a lot of Franco jerseys out there. Yeah

Starting point is 00:09:59 Yeah, Franco Harris himself Tried to pick me up, but I was too big Thank thank Dude, I love was too big. Thank, thank, thank, dude. I love Pittsburgh. You do? Oh, bro, my friend used to work at Jacksboro, my friend. Oh, yeah, I know, Jacks. Was a pit, he was a mascot.

Starting point is 00:10:14 He got busted, hooking up with a, I think a underage woman and like an abandoned swimming pool or something, but he, yeah, dude, I got pink eye over there one time, and I got- And he loved it. The first, yeah, I got, yeah, I got a world sex one time behind the giant eagle over there somewhere. I got invited into a familial sexual kind of threesome

Starting point is 00:10:38 with some people from Wheeling, West Virginia that were visiting. Wheeling of freaks. Oh, yeah. That freaks and we are. They kept saying you want that wheeling feeling, that's what they said. And I always had like a maus,

Starting point is 00:10:49 like a maus, I was like, I don't think we can do that in here. Wait, they were in your car? Yeah, yeah, I was giving them a ride home after a show. The girl was cute and her aunt was weather. And they, when I stopped to drop them off, they asked. They just asked point blank, if I wanted to have that wheeling feeling.

Starting point is 00:11:05 And I was like, I don't know. I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was crime or if it was, you know, like a rash or, you know, I didn't know what the hell it was or tickle in somebody real hard. You know, I didn't know what their motor's operand I was or whatever. And so I just didn't do it, you know. How many opportunities, sexual opportunities do you think you've turned down because you just didn't understand the euphemism?

Starting point is 00:11:28 Oh, one time in Baltimore, I got offered a three-some, pretty sure. It was three-summer, it was like a pyramid scheme, which is, I don't know if those are similar or not, but it was. Extremely similar. Yeah. Practically the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, it was outside. It was kind of dark. It was at M, practically, the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:45 So yeah, it was outside, it was kind of dark, it was at Mugube's, remember that place? Yeah. Yeah. So it was over there and, and yeah, I guess I got off for that. Oh, one time I got into a sexual endeavor with two women and this was in Columbia, Missouri.

Starting point is 00:12:05 And they, one of them was like, looked like one of those bodybuilders from like, remember when they were wearing the single it, and they would have the thing, and they would hold it up, and it would say like a hundred pounds written on it, or you know, 140, like at the circus or whatever. One of them was like, kind of,

Starting point is 00:12:23 I felt a track to do, and the other one had this kind of like Polish kind of like body builder vibe. And I got coerced into that and that was intense, man. See, I don't trust three ways. I've never had one. I've been propositioned and been like, I don't believe you.

Starting point is 00:12:42 Like there's a catch. This is two, there's something's gonna happen here. Like a random hookup on the road, you're like, I'm gonna hear from you again. There's no free lunch. There's no free lunch. You're getting a follow up email for sure. And the next time you're in town,

Starting point is 00:12:57 they're gonna be in the front row, be like, right? And so, three ways just like two of those. Come on, add you. Yeah. Did it when you first started out? What made you stay in comedy, you think? Were there times where you were ever gonna give up

Starting point is 00:13:09 or you've had success really since you kind of kicked it off? It seems like. It took a couple of years. I found that in the beginning, I'm sure you understand this. When the first couple of years, it's embarrassing to tell someone you're a comedian. Oh, it's the worst. It's almost like, yeah, you could be like, a lot of people in my room from they felt like you were gay

Starting point is 00:13:27 You didn't want to bring a wife home. You didn't want to admit something. What are you doing? You know, not there's anything wrong with being gay, but they were just you know that those were some of the things like Oh, just tell us what's going on. Yeah, you know if you have cancer whatever just tell us people don't understand Your parents don't understand your family's like what you're doing what like why don't you try to be more like this Why don't you do last-comic standing? I would hear all the time. And it's like, that's a bad show. I don't want to do that.

Starting point is 00:13:48 And then I thought the only thing more embarrassing than saying I'm a comedian for the first few years would be saying, I used to do comedy. Like saying that, oh yeah, you ever after I showed someone's like, you know, I tried, I thought about doing that. You're just like, get the fuck out of here.

Starting point is 00:14:02 Yeah. Then like, I thought that was so embarrassing that I'm just going to will myself to some level of success. Yeah. And I thought at the time I thought about doing that. You're just like, get the fuck out of here. I thought that was so embarrassing that I'm just going to will myself to some level of success. And I thought at the time I thought that meant I would get a writing job and I would quit stand up and I would just be a joke writer for the rest of my life. And by the time I finally got that joke writing job, I was doing well enough to stand up that I just wanted to do this.

Starting point is 00:14:19 I don't want to write for someone else. I'm the only one who's going to tell my jokes. Why don't I just keep doing this and it worked out. Did you not want anybody else telling your jokes to, oh, you just said it. Nobody would. Like, if I wrote for Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, and they were like, if I loved the joke, they loved it too.

Starting point is 00:14:34 And they would tell it and I was so proud to have them tell my joke. No problem with that. But then I would write for Jimmy Fallon and he would say, this is really funny, of people are gonna hate me. And I'd be like, you're right. But I don't But that's fine. You can hate me and still laugh.

Starting point is 00:14:47 You can't hate Jimmy and still laugh. So it just didn't work out. But I was like, oh, I need to just write my own stuff and do it myself. Like I've got my own way of telling the jokes. Yeah. That is. Oh yeah, it's a horrible dance you take us on.

Starting point is 00:15:01 I mean, it's marvelous. Yes, I knew what you meant. Okay, good. Yeah, it's exceptionally, it's marvelous. Yes, I know what you meant. Okay, good. Yeah, it's exceptionally, it's like, yeah, I feel like you, I always feel like it's the same feeling I get watching you and watching some of your material. When I'm in a haunted house and I know I'm gonna be scared, right, I'm walking through something,

Starting point is 00:15:21 I know there's something right around the corner that's, you know, and I just keep going down the road and then next thing you know, again, you got me again. Thank you. I consider myself, when I describe it as a horror film, like you know you're in good hands, you know you're not watching a snuff film. This is like a real movie with real actors

Starting point is 00:15:44 and at the end you'll be satisfied and there's gonna be some scares. Like just enjoy it. It's all fun. I'm not I don't have a message just, you know, nihilism. Do you ever, did you ever feel like you were haunted? Like a lot of people, you know, think that people are haunted and stuff like that. Did you ever have any, like at a certain point, you have to look at yourself and be like, oh, well, I am. There's something unique. You know, there's something very Simon Birch about me or something, you know? Yeah, no, I, um, people ask me that all the time, like because I have a dark sensibility that I use, something happened to you. And it's like, no, I've had a very charmed life. Like, I've had a great life.

Starting point is 00:16:18 My parents are still together. You know, there's no abuse. I was always drawn to violence and, and awful things in life. There's just people just didn't talk about them and I was like, why not? They're so important, like, why is this so forbidden? Why does no one want to talk about death? You know, when I was a kid, I was shamed for that a lot of like always being like, what about this?

Starting point is 00:16:38 And they'd be like, stop talking about that. Like, we don't want to talk about the challenge or any more Anthony, like, blew up like, you're in first grade, just can move on to other things and I didn't understand what was unhealthy about it. I thought, if the greatest minds in history have been sitting there wondering what happens when we die, why is it weird for a kid to think about it? So them pushing back on me made me mad.

Starting point is 00:16:57 And that anger carried me through my first 10 years of comedy. And then you get success and you let go of the anger, you're like, okay, what do I have left? And it's interest. You know, these topics interest me and I want to find a way to make people laugh at them. Wow, that's interesting man. Do you think like that we do it? Because like do you think a lot of people do it? There's a chip on their shoulder. Yes. Like they want to prove that they Yeah, what are I, what are I'm trying to think of what I want to prove? Prove you're not a fucking loser.

Starting point is 00:17:26 I feel like when you're in school, it's like you're ruining, you're not only are you messing up your own education, but everyone around you. Everyone's sitting within four desks is getting worse grade because they're near you. Oh yeah, they're getting worse. Everyone's furious and you're like,

Starting point is 00:17:38 I've got to prove, like my high school put me in the hall of fame, the alumni hall of fame a few years ago, and I was so proud. Because I gave a speech and I was like, this is you guys saying you were right. Yeah. For 12 years of high school,

Starting point is 00:17:53 they were just like, fucking stop this. You're throwing your life away and I was like, watch me. I'm trust me, I've got a plan. And it all worked out. And now they're like, great. We're proud that you're from the school.

Starting point is 00:18:03 And that took a long time. How many though, first of all, that. We're proud that you're from the school. And that took a long time. How many though? First of all, that's unbelievable. Did you go back to the school and they gave you a accommodation of sort? Yeah, they had, it was like this little trophy thing, like a big glass triangle. They were like, you know, 10 other people

Starting point is 00:18:16 that all kind of gave those speeches. But I was like, I'm the one who had a TV show with my name in the title. You know, like this is my thing. This other guy just, you guy just still plays tennis. But that's why he's in it. Right, he's like, yeah, sure when Williams manager, it counts, but yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:30 Wow, dude, that's unbelievable. Did it almost, I wonder if that would make me feel like so much more rewarded than anything, because that was like the battlegrounds of being fun. Like that was where I feel like it was the most fun to be funny. Yes, and my- Did you have that experience or no? Yeah, I mean, I couldn't not tell a joke.

Starting point is 00:18:50 If I thought of it, I mean, this is too good. It's gonna go waste. But my thing was trying to make the teacher laugh. Oh. Because if you made a joke in class, teacher would yell at you immediately. But if you made her laugh, or him laugh, it was always a woman. And I think about it. Then they couldn't get mad at you.

Starting point is 00:19:06 And that felt so good because it was like, you knew you did something wrong, but you did it in the best way possible. So now you're the star. Oh, that's fascinating. So it's like, how do you not get in trouble? Like, like, right. I understand you're going to put me in trouble, but you and I know. Yes.

Starting point is 00:19:22 And all these comics now, it's like, almost the point is to get in trouble. It's like, why are you giving me shit? I'm a comic. I'm, but you and I know. Yes, and all these comics now, it's like almost the point is to get in trouble. It's like, why are you giving me shit? I'm a comic, I'm allowed to say whatever I want. That's wrong, as far as I'm concerned. Art, I always say it against, I don't miss it. People think like, oh, as a comic, your job is to get in trouble. And so if you, but they don't wanna get yelled at. It's like, it's okay to make people mad,

Starting point is 00:19:39 but they don't wanna push back. And I think that's wrong. As a comedian, you wanna make people laugh. Andy, this is a quote attributed to Andy Warhol And I think that's wrong. As a comedian, you want to make people laugh. Andy, this is a quote attributed to Andy Warhol that I love. It's just art is getting away with it. If you put out a special, and everyone's pissed, you didn't get away with it.

Starting point is 00:19:56 You need to make everyone laugh at the like, yeah, he talked to me and fucked up stuff, but we're all happy. That's art. Otherwise, you're just a troll. That's fascinating, man, because it adds another level to a lot of things. You're like the superfluous level is in a nut. You like, I want to go to this other level.

Starting point is 00:20:18 Even thinking of, I'm going to get the teacher to laugh. I never have thought about that. You know, it just happened one day. Teacher laughed and I was like, oh, I'm not in trouble right now. I would have been, what's the difference? Oh, teacher laughed. And it was like, it was a stern teacher. It was a strict teacher who never laughed.

Starting point is 00:20:32 And it was like, oh, okay, if I can get her, I can do this. Yeah. Dude, I used to think that if I stared at my teacher enough that they would want to have sex, you know? Really? I never, I had one, there was a, we had a French teacher. That was crunched six grade who French first of all even being French makes you think they're gonna want to be

Starting point is 00:20:50 sexually. Yeah and it was a gym teacher. Oh, what? It was like a former gym. No, she was a French teacher. She was American but spoke French. And then there was a gym teacher who was also a babe. I think other ones, teachers, or lay or something. I you guys were doing like, you know. We did learn the basics of Cirque de Soleil. Okay. We did early stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:11 And she was hot. As I remember, like if she walked in here right now, I wouldn't know who the hell she was, but at the time, cause a lot of our teachers were busted, you know, dogsville. Okay, not attractive. Yes. So even some real hounds.

Starting point is 00:21:25 One that was even like remotely young was like, oh my god, this, this, she's a mermaid. Yeah, we had one that either had huge breasts or filled her shirt with something that looked like breasts. Mm-hmm. And she wore like a doily like around her neck kind of or whatever that little collar thing was. And we were all like literally do

Starting point is 00:21:44 when she came in the room, you could feel like because it was like right around that when people was going through pervity or whatever and you could feel people didn't even know how to exist. Like all the blow would rush to like your brain like parts of your like you didn't even know how to stand. It was just God when there was a, because teachers are also the first woman that you're around a lot of times where you're in the same space. It's not your mother,

Starting point is 00:22:11 but you're around each other a lot. They're in a position of power. So if they look a little attractive, I think it's like, it can be very sexual for a lot of young men. I mean, it's the crazy fantasy, you know, like a high-falt teacher. But I think when you hit puberty as a boy,

Starting point is 00:22:29 they start to send you to health class. They separate the boys and the girls and they start talking to you. I can't believe they don't just put you in jail for three years. Because everyone, everyone from the age of 11 to 16 is up to no good. It's pure evil.

Starting point is 00:22:45 And this is, but we were before the internet man. Like you had to know someone who had an older brother who had a playboy collection. And they would like tear out like a picture and bring it to you. And I remember that someone gave me one. It was just a woman from Bons. She was just standing up, had like a perfect ass,

Starting point is 00:23:01 but it was just trash like her hair. And this is the only picture that I had. This was it. It was like, am I an ass guy now? Like, I don't know. This is just what you have. And now these kids are just like every little thing. Every fetish, every fantasy you could ever imagine. There is at their fingertips.

Starting point is 00:23:16 And it's not good. I can't imagine in 10 years, shit's gonna go down. Like, it's gonna be, everyone's gonna have a sex dungeon. It's gonna be crazy wild shit. And no one's gonna be, everyone's gonna have a sex dungeon. It's gonna be crazy wild shit, and no one's gonna be able to keep up. Oh. I think, oh yeah, I remember,

Starting point is 00:23:30 somebody even gave you a picture, it's a regular chick, and they'd write like hot pussy on it, or something, and you'd think, you know, like, oh, this is, and she wouldn't even naked. It's just like, it's somebody who's written that. I remember when someone told me about the P word, and I just couldn't even, I felt so ashamed that I didn't know it.

Starting point is 00:23:47 I felt like I didn't know how to communicate anymore. Like the world was passing me by, because like some guys like, you don't know what the, you know, he would say, you know, I don't like saying it that much, but he would say like, you don't know what, say means, you know? And I'd be like, you know what I do?

Starting point is 00:24:01 Do you not like saying the word, because of like the combination of letters, or you don't like calling someone that? Like would you have a problem calling a guy a pussy or you just don't wanna describe the anatomy as? I think if a guy only had like one wing or something and he's hungry and he only, then I would might say something like that,

Starting point is 00:24:20 but I don't think I like Santa because I don't want people to hear it if they're listening somewhere and they don't feel comfortable hearing it. I think it's probably my thought about it. If that's your fan base, people can't hear the word pussy. I think it's people that probably,

Starting point is 00:24:34 I don't want them to hear it that much. I don't care if they hear it once in a while, but I think that, yeah, I try not to put that out there too much. With my audience, I feel like I wanted them to hear it from me. You know, it's like I'm a trusted source. I don't want them hearing it out on the street from random, but random, you know, I'm the authority figure.

Starting point is 00:24:52 Posey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good, I see you're so confident about it. Yeah, I think I didn't, oh, I remember somebody was like, oh, they said, you don't know what a Dildo is, some kid in fifth grade and I didn't, oh, I remember somebody was like, oh, they said, you don't know what a deal though is, some kid in fifth grade and I didn't, right? And I could never handle not knowing what, like I didn't wanna be somebody that didn't know something,

Starting point is 00:25:14 right, it was like a real control thing, I think, like control in my environment and when I didn't know, and then I was on the school bus and I didn't know when I just called the bus driver it, you know, I was like, I'm gonna take my chances and see what this is. And it did not go good. And I had to go to the principal, that's when they still would spank you.

Starting point is 00:25:33 And this fellow Lawton McKee was his name. And he gave me a couple good lashes in his office. This episode is sponsored by Blue Choo. If you're Wieners, D&O, baby, down and out, then you can give it that second chance, that revival, baby, that's blue chew. They'll do it. Bring the heat, this winter, with that BC, baby, that blue chew. Blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra

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Starting point is 00:27:56 that's pound 529 from your cell phone. That's F.O.R. The people.com slash this past weekend, or dial pound five to nine from yourself. This is a paid advertisement. Remember when you, I think I was in second grade, the principal of my elementary school was named Dr. Brogai. Brogai? Brogai. Is that French or what is it? I don't know. He certainly was not French But I'm in second grade. I'm seven or eight years old and I have a Sharpie or a pen and I write on the back of the bus seat doctor butt guy

Starting point is 00:28:34 Yeah, and which to me I thought was really funny and some kid behind me told the bus driver was like he's writing on the seat And the guy comes back and sees it and then takes me off the bus and then the principal's office and then you wrote on the back of the bus and it's Dr. Brogai being like, what did you write? And I'm like, I just doodles. Just I just kind of just a little drawing.

Starting point is 00:28:54 And the bus driver's like, come on the bus and see. I mean, in Dr. Brogai had to go and look at Dr. Buttge. That was a tough one. I'd like to go into the office and a little bit because it was like, let's take your first business meeting I think when you're a kid. It terrified me. Like knowing what I know now, I would have been like fine.

Starting point is 00:29:12 Like it's a break from class, but then I was like I'm in so much trouble. In my heart, I must have thought I was getting expelled every time and then my parents were gonna kill me. And my parents were always mad at me about school. Like I'm not applying myself enough, I'm like, I'm getting in trouble. Were they really smart, your parents?

Starting point is 00:29:26 They were both very smart and knew I was smart. Like I have other siblings. I'm the oldest of five and they didn't get the same pressure that I got. It was like, oh, you're the last of five? I was the oldest of five. Oldest of five. So I was the first one through and they were just like,

Starting point is 00:29:38 all the teachers are telling us you're smarter than this. You just don't try and I drove them crazy. Everyone else said, I got better grades than my siblings, but they were like, yeah, but they're doing their best. Like, you're not. So that drove them nuts. So every time I went to the principal for whatever, I would have been happy if they hit me in school,

Starting point is 00:29:56 but they didn't, they would just tell your parents and that was way worse. My parents didn't hit me either, but I didn't like the disappointment. I would have taken a beating. You know, I'm trying to think if I, yeah, my mom always beat us pretty good. How many siblings do you have?

Starting point is 00:30:10 I got three siblings and my brother's older and I got two younger sisters, but we were not close. There was not any affection in our home. Like we didn't know nobody had any feelings. It was very much felt like a business kind of where you were like an employee for like very low level allowance that you never even got.

Starting point is 00:30:29 It was always some reason you didn't get it. And that's what it felt like. It felt like a little bit of a pyramid scheme is what it kind of our family felt like. Theo, do you know what a pyramid scheme is? Yeah, it's like, it's like when you offer, you tell something, you get, you say to somebody, do you wanna get like a couple shares of, do you wanna get shares of like a, what do you think it is?

Starting point is 00:31:03 I think some of the top is like, you pay me, and then you get, for paying me, you get to come in and then people below you are gonna pay you and the money's gonna flow up. Oh yeah. So you get involved and then you help more people get involved. Yeah, it wasn't like that.

Starting point is 00:31:18 It wasn't that. Yeah, it was more like kind of trickled down maybe some type of Reaganomics or something. It was something that wasn't working. Family's weren't fair. Like I feel like my family, we never talked about money ever. It was assumed that we had it

Starting point is 00:31:32 and you would just be told, yes, you know if you wanted something. Okay. And now they say that families, you should tell your kids, like here's how much dad makes. Here's how much mom makes. Here's what the budget is.

Starting point is 00:31:40 Here's what the house costs. That way you know how much, so you're not always asking for things. That I think is very smart, where my family was like, no, you can't have that. But I didn't know why, and then I grew up and was like, oh, we were just, we had less money than all the kids around us. You know, the people around us had more money,

Starting point is 00:31:55 for different reasons that either had different jobs or fewer kids, but I just assumed we had everything and my parents just didn't want to give it to us. God, that's an insane thought. Yeah, it's still macabre. Yeah, it's like, oh, they're just being mean. I can't get an intent on it. I was like, no, we're trying to pay our mortgage.

Starting point is 00:32:12 It's like, yeah. Yeah. Well, as a kid, you don't understand. I got a dog and my dog only wants to play, eat, walk, and he doesn't understand why we're not doing this thing. It's like, playing is so much fun. Let's go play. And I'm like, oh, I, and once you kind of understand that,

Starting point is 00:32:27 yeah, that like simplicity, you're like, okay, and the kids are like that. Like they just want to consume. Yeah. It's when he pizza for every meal and like hot dogs and go to baseball games, they don't understand why as an adult, you don't want to do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:39 Do you think you like you were a good brother when you were growing up or not? No, I was the oldest of five and it was five kids in seven years. And I just wanted to do my own thing. I wasn't, I was protective of my sisters, but only as much as I had to be. Right, so did you buy into the family system or were you very much like I'm doing like?

Starting point is 00:32:56 I'm doing my own thing. Okay. I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to have to do, I don't want to muggle on. I don't want to do any of this stuff. Right. I'm here, but I'm not. I'm here, but I'm free agents.

Starting point is 00:33:03 Yeah, I'm doing my own thing. And then when I left for college, then we became free. But I'm free. Yeah, I'm doing my own thing. And then when I left for college, then we became closer. It was like the little distance coming back. We all kind of were closer in age now. I mean, it was the same level in age. My brother, who was born when I was seven years old, is now like my favorite person in the world.

Starting point is 00:33:18 Oh, really? Yeah, we're really close. What's kind of interesting about that? Like, do you like being like now do you like see more value in being a brother? What's kind of interesting? Cause I have a brother and I'll, you know, we weren't close when we were kids, but now I love having a brother. It's like the best thing.

Starting point is 00:33:31 Yeah. It's just, it's hard when there's seven years, you're seven years apart. Like I wanted a brother so badly from like the moment I really have consciousness. And I got three sisters every two years, I get another sister. And I just like one and one.

Starting point is 00:33:42 And I finally got that brother and I was like Oh, I can't do anything like he's useless until like yeah for a long time and then by the time I like I went to college and I was 18 you know He was 11 so like now we were very very close But I think it's just having been closer in age I think if he was like two years younger than me we'd be much much closer. Is he a Steelers fan? Yes, wow was like two years younger than me, we'd be much, much closer. Is he a Steelers fan? Yes. Wow.

Starting point is 00:34:06 It's pretty, you have to be, yeah. It's tough this year, but it's been rocky, man. I wanted to buy in a picket, right? And I think party always cheers for the Steelers. I mean, because I'm a Saints fan and they're black and gold, Steelers are black and gold. And I love Steelers, you know, I you know, I'd always go up there You hear all these crazy rumors about cord else steward and shendly park you'd hear all of this You know you

Starting point is 00:34:32 People's just saying thank thank thank you know, you'd hear all of it, you know And so y'all always want them to do well But and then I saw him with that mustache. I'm like this means he's gonna do well I want them to do well, but, and then I saw him with that mustache, and I'm like, this means he's gonna do well, because you don't grow a mustache, I think unless you're planning on doing something where I'm from. Exactly. Yeah. And, and then he just hasn't been able to really put it together yet.

Starting point is 00:34:54 I think he hasn't been that bad. I think it's like, I think it's everybody. I don't think, like everyone's like it's the coaching, I'm like, no, it's not just the players, it's everyone just kind of just being a little bit off. And I think we'll pull it together. I think we'll be, you know, a game over 500, maybe game under, maybe break Tom on streak. But I'm the kind of fan who I just want to support. I like the coaches.

Starting point is 00:35:13 I like the players. Like, if they get traded, like I still like them, I'm just, I just happy that the team is there. I don't get mad. You know, I don't get mad about the Steelers anymore. I used to. And I kind of just realized, this is stupid. Why am I ruining relationships with people?

Starting point is 00:35:29 Like there was a game once, I think I just moved to LA, and the Steelers played the Patriots. It was the year the Brady won us first Super Bowl. When they had beaten the Raiders, it was a miracle, and the Steelers were really heavily favored. And then we just got crushed, and all my friends were at my place, and they were all Patriots fans except for me. And I got hammered and yelled at everybody.

Starting point is 00:35:47 I was such an embarrassing game and I'd snapped that I was so embarrassed, that I couldn't talk to my friends for like a week and I was like, I'm never doing this again. I'm gonna be on emotional lockdown for sporting events from now on. It's stupid. Yes, you put a lot into it.

Starting point is 00:36:01 Yeah. And you see people put their whole lives into it and they cart their wife out there and they'll paint their wife the colors of the team and they'll do all of that. You know what got me? I remember when the Red Sox won their first world series in like forever. You know, it was like early mid 2000s or something. And I remember being pumped for them. I had a bunch of friends who are Red Sox fans and I was rooting for them to win that year. And then after they won, I was happy. And then the next season, the fans were like the same assholes. It was like they were the guy from Momento,

Starting point is 00:36:29 who doesn't know he killed the dude. And he's just like, I gotta kill this guy. And so you killed him. You already won, and they didn't bring them that much joy that I don't wanna be that kind of fan. I wanna just always be happy for my team. Yeah, I think that's what I'm, I've struggled to have that. I realized it's like, am I a fair weather fan?

Starting point is 00:36:45 I was a die hard Saints fan growing up die hard I remember when I didn't have any money. I made like Saints merchandise and I got there and sell bootleg merchandise, you know, and I Loved them, you know, yeah, I love the Saints and it just but at a certain point it just I don't also got a little bit older I think you start to realize like I'm busy. I made my life, I got busier too. I didn't have as much time to do fantasy, I don't know. I never done fantasy, I never wanted to. Really?

Starting point is 00:37:15 I never want to root for anyone who's not a stealer. I never want to be like, oh, you know, Calvin Ridley just, you know, ran all over us, but he's on my fantasy team, so I'm happy about that. Like, I never wanted to do that. Wow, you're really pure then. You're kind of a pureist. And I also just don't want to type in on that shit.

Starting point is 00:37:30 I don't want to sit there for the draft. One of my best friends is like a big fantasy football guy. Knows everything. If you'd ran your team, you would win. And I would never give a shit. Not my thing. I don't gamble. Do you put money on sports?

Starting point is 00:37:44 I do gamble sometimes. I've realized recently that I need to kind of chill out, you know, not a lot. I'll bet like a couple hundred dollars here and there on something. I've never bet one thousand dollars on something. But I do realize it's like I'm getting a little like, when I get like testy or bored,

Starting point is 00:38:03 I wanna do something, you know. You need the misbehave. I'm like that where I'm like, testy or bored, I wanna do something. You need to misbehave. I'm like that where I'm like, like I'm like, I don't, I haven't had to drink in like a year and a half. I don't consider myself sober, but I haven't been drinking, but I need something. I need like a nicotine pouch.

Starting point is 00:38:17 Like some sort of like thing that's like, this is my misbehaving. You know, watch me misbehaved. Where does that come from? That's something I've always had. You think that's just a malady, but just a piece of human. Like, do you think it's just something that's in you,

Starting point is 00:38:36 you know, or do you think, sorry, I got bugs in here because I think a lot of this stuff is outdated. We're in a Masonic temple, by the way. Where's this is an all new stuff? We're in the, yeah. Is this, yeah, I think this is, where this isn't all new stuff. We're in the. Is this yeah, I think this is not this isn't the room I showed in but I think I'm in this theater. Yeah, yeah, you are we're in there tonight.

Starting point is 00:38:53 Okay. Yeah, cool. So we're switching. Awesome. Um, yes, Stavros Halke asked if you ever seen this kid. I know who he is by the matter thicker kid nice kid. He's Viet. Oh, he's not Vietnamese. What is he? white and he He's performing talent to tonight. There's a real I mean comedy said that it's everywhere. It's everywhere now I think it's a we're in this phase. I think the second boom is over I think ended with the pandemic, but they were in this like rock star phase where there's like like the you know 5% of the stand-up comedians are just fucking rock stars.

Starting point is 00:39:27 And everyone else is just kind of tolling away at clubs, but I'll ride this wave as long as it goes. I mean, the fact that there's three comedians in town this weekend, performing at theaters is kind of crazy, you know? I mean, almost every weekend I'm out in the road, it's like there's someone that same night,

Starting point is 00:39:43 somewhere else, it's just, I think probably a lot of it's the pandemic, people are like itching to get out in the road. It's like there's someone that same night somewhere else. It's just, I think, probably a lot of it's the pandemic. People are like itching to get out in the road. But also people are coming out the shows, man. Like, we're doing some- Yeah, I think it's, we're also, you can't get fair new, I mean, the news seems to be to me, really compromise these days, right?

Starting point is 00:39:57 Like no matter what news you get, like I learned last week that you can pay like, some of these websites like Billboard or some of them, you can pay a money to come out and like take photos of you and put them on the internet or write a story, you can just pay for it. Yeah. And it's like, the news has been monetized. Right.

Starting point is 00:40:17 Where it's not a service anymore. Now it's like, we just need to give you your news. Right. And that's, there should be like, just at the end of the day, like here's, here's what really happened. Yeah, right. There should be like some dude who sneaks over like, hey, but let me get five minutes of your time.

Starting point is 00:40:30 This is what's going on. Yeah, this is actually what happened. Whatever your politics are like, this is what went down black and white, make your own decisions. So I think people are coming to see something live too, because they want to hear things that they, they want to hear something that's not,

Starting point is 00:40:44 that doesn't maybe feel as bought and paid for, do you think that's possible? Yes, I think the edges have been sanded off everything. Like, every time Disney buys another company, I'm like, oh, my career's gotten shorter. If Disney owns everything, I'm never working again. Why, yeah. In television, because they would never put someone like me on TV. It's like these companies that have to,

Starting point is 00:41:02 they have all these responsibilities to just bad entertainment. It's like, we just don't want to make anyone mad. You know, it's not about like doing something great. So I think stand up, it's like the one place where you can go and just see an unfiltered, not by, I don't think it's like, it's an edgier, but I just think you have like fewer people worried about what's going to happen. And then you just want wanna see an artist like doing the thing. Instead of like a hundred artists and a corporation combining to come up with the storyline for a season, you know, just, I think at TV and movies have gotten bad.

Starting point is 00:41:33 You were one of the first guys that I heard of that takes like breaks in their life and touring. I don't know if that's true, I would just hear this. This is like some of the jazzle-nic lore that would go around. I mean, there was all kind of things. There was the blood, you know, the drink, the plasma, there was all that kind of shit.

Starting point is 00:41:47 But there was like, there was, that yeah, Anthony takes like, he'll take like a month or two off in this ghost somewhere and do something and spend time with him by himself for goat travel, you know. But that was usually be a writing retreat. Like I would be going to write. Like I'm just gonna, I gotta go away

Starting point is 00:42:04 and lock myself in the cabin and write a hundred jokes. So I would be like in a week, I got to write a hundred, no matter when I do it, but I gotta leave here with a hundred jokes. I remember the one time I did that, I went up and got a place in Ohio and I wrote a hundred jokes in a week. I was writing on Fountain of the Time and I couldn't write it my own stuff. So I was like, I'm just gonna take a week and go do this. And of all those jokes, a hundred jokes, one of them made it into my act and it was like a 30 second joke that I was like, this was probably a bad use of my time. But I was, I always feel like, I don't know how you feel about this, but you have to get

Starting point is 00:42:32 the bad jokes out to get to the good jokes. You know, let's say like, but when you start doing comedy, you're going to write a million jokes in your life. Let's say 200 of them are going to be great, but you still need to write a million. You can't just write 200 and stop. That I'm always trying to write just to get the bad ones out. Some of the good ones can come to me.

Starting point is 00:42:51 But yeah, I would do that. You know, yeah, like who was a, oh, Louis C. Care was talking with him and he said, what did he say? He said, it's the ones you don't want to tell a lot of times. The ones that'll sit there that you're afraid to tell, he's like for him anyway, he said, those are the ones that end up becoming his favorite.

Starting point is 00:43:15 So I love that he says things like that. I remember he did SNL one year and he was like, there was one sketch that I was like, I hate this. It's so stupid, we have to do it. I want to do something where I'm like, I have to blow a big horn, and I feel stupid doing it, because that's what SNL is doing. Like, I want to do this.

Starting point is 00:43:29 That the hat, where he would talk about like, opening with his clotheser. And then being like, how do I build, I've got to go somewhere. Like, I have to work it out on stage. I thought that was like, very brave, and an intelligent way to do it. When it comes to trying out jokes like that,

Starting point is 00:43:42 though, I always say, only try the ones you like and only keep the ones they like. You know, because if you try one you don't like and the audience loves it, you're stuck with that fucking thing. Yeah, that's true. Like I never have self-deprecating jokes, but I had one in my act like a couple of tours ago

Starting point is 00:43:58 and my openers with laugh cause they were like, you're just having fun and all of a sudden you tell this joke and then you're like mad at the audience for laughing. Like the joke was on me and just annoyed me. I hated self-deprecating comedy. No, thank you. Yeah, I don't know if I like it or not.

Starting point is 00:44:11 I don't know. I mean, I think, yeah, I think I'm kind of fine with it. I don't know. I think for me a lot of times, it feels like just survival. Like how do I survive through this hour with this group of people to get some high that I need or something that I need that I've always needed.

Starting point is 00:44:31 And I just, how do we get to the end of this with me, with it being a fair exchange? That's my biggest thing. I want it to be fair for their money that they spend and fair for what I give them, you know? And then I start to look deeper sometimes, like, why do people come to see things? What do we look for in people that we go to watch or that we let entertain us?

Starting point is 00:44:53 Like, what I'm putting my own attention on? You know, that seems to be the biggest thing that I have, the thing I have of my own value seems to be like my attention. Like where do I let it sit? Where do I, who do I give it to? You know, I find those like websites sometimes that I'll go to and I'm like, well, why am I giving this?

Starting point is 00:45:13 It doesn't even feel good. It doesn't feel rewarding, you know? Yeah, like the TikTok and shit where you're just like an hour goes by and like, what am I, I haven't learned anything or I just feel like I've burned an hour. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's something that I laugh and stuff,

Starting point is 00:45:26 but it's like Facebook, I'll go and look and see if anybody's dead from high school. And I hate to say that, but it's like that's kind of it. If there's a good raffle that somebody's doing, I'll do that. But it's like, I don't, like what am I, am I here just because I'm being lazy? And then I start to look like at the algorithm. It's like, man, they've got us really on the ropes as far as to us just becoming, humans just becoming like trained, completely trained fish. Oh, dude, it's going to be like the fucking end of Wally. Remember that?

Starting point is 00:45:59 Maybe that way. It's like all the fat people in the wheelchairs. And I think we're going to, I think you and I will be okay. It's the younger kids that I'm like, oh, they're all fucked. Like, their attention span is gone. I didn't even know what the world's gonna look like in 50 years when they're running it. Like, I think about the people who are in tech.

Starting point is 00:46:19 You know, they have kids now and they all have nannies and shit and their one role is keep the kids off the tablets. They don't want them to have a phone and I've had anything and everyone else is like here you go Like see and see when you're 18 and they're the ones making the shit That's the thing and that's so they know how dangerous is they know how bad it is But it seems like a bad way to You know experience your childhood is to always have stuff like remember that you'd run home from school

Starting point is 00:46:43 Run home to catch the cartoons. You had to like sprint upstairs to the bathroom and come back down before the commercials were over to catch the second half of Duke's a vassard. Like you had like where you were mattered and now everything is just at your fingertips and I think it's bad for you. Oh, I think the value of most things. It's like I think about this like even with relationships and stuff, like the light in a woman's eyes, you got to see it used to be. That was from your white, you know, it's like, or the That was from your partner was like that's who you, you know, that was the one, but now it's like there's just constantly, you know, it's like you can find anything of somebody just completely giving everything they have to a screen somewhere. And I just wonder what the effect of that is on like marriages and like, like, and if you go look on your phone all day and stuff's making you laugh, and if you get home and your kid makes you laugh, right?

Starting point is 00:47:35 I'm not saying that your kids doesn't still make you laugh, but does it like debilitates? Does it take away a little bit of that? Because your dopamine has been slowly released all day. Yeah. That by the time you get home, you're like, oh, I've seen 40 attractive women on social media. I've seen like some kid in, you know, Miami or some,

Starting point is 00:47:54 you know, they find a kid in the dirt, like a new gander, something he's happy or whatever. He's got a diamond or whatever and he's all ple- You know, it's like, you've seen the happiest kid in the world for the day. So I just wonder, are we, do we cannibalize? Have we just cannibalized everything that used to have meaning, right? And not just like they hit a dope of mean for your head,

Starting point is 00:48:15 but like some meaning to you intrinsically like as a human, you know? I think it's taken away a little bit of community because everyone has their own entertainment. It's just for them on demand. So you don't like watch things together. That's why this summer, going to see Barbie and Oppenheimer with a theater full of people dressing up was such a crazy thing that hasn't been happening for a while because people would just sit at home.

Starting point is 00:48:38 Everyone's watching the same videos, but at different times on their phone by themselves, so they might pass them around, but you don't just sit in like, if people throw up 10 minutes of memes at the office every morning, and they sat in an office and laughed at them, and everything great, but everyone's just kind of just in their own shit. Absorbing them, yeah, at their own time.

Starting point is 00:48:56 And family, it's just like, I think that's a big part of it. And we've talked about that before, we had a guy on here named John Verveiki, and he's like a meaning specialist. So he's not like a specialist, but he's like a professor and that's what man's quest for meaning. That's what a lot of his stuff is about.

Starting point is 00:49:11 And he talks about like the stoics and like Aristotle and like the past and how man has always searched for meaning kind of. But a lot of he talks about his shared experiences. That's one of the biggest things that we had as humans like is that we share experiences. Yeah, you would all, we would all watch a show. is that's one of the biggest things that we had as humans. Like, is that we share experiences? Yeah, you would all, we would all watch a show then we would go out in the street if we watched it live in color

Starting point is 00:49:29 and we would go in the street in our neighborhood and impersonate all the characters, you're like, oh God, I have my personal name down. And you're like, oh, homey to clown home, you know? And it was like, and if you could do it good in the street it was, but we'd all seen it. And it was just so, yeah, if you'd seen a new episode and it'd come out and you'd have to, you'd be like, when the commercial break came on, you'd be pissed and have to get back before the, right before the commercial ended, you know.

Starting point is 00:49:55 Oh, yeah. That Monday morning in school, everyone, I saw anyone's talking about. Yeah. Like I was, I was a big in the comedy as a kid. And I remember when I got the college, remember Mr. Show with Bob and David I've heard of that a show David cross Bob out on Kirk and I loved it It was like edgy like hard comedy it was on like midnight on a Friday No one ever watched it and I would make my friends come over I think I'm buying the beer. I've got the weed just come and just watch this thing with me and they all hated it And I was just sitting there just trying to make them, like you don't think this is, and it was so fucking funny to me.

Starting point is 00:50:26 Ben's the Ben Stiller show, when I was in like eighth grade, every Monday, I was like, did you guys watch this? It was so fucking funny and no one, it wasn't like they didn't think it was funny, they didn't even know about it and weren't interested about it. Like I was always just extra in the comedy

Starting point is 00:50:39 because it was a way too bond with people. You know, you know, I'm doing the theater and 2,000 people are all laughing at the same time. And it's like, this is awesome. This is great that we get, I get to just see this. Cool. Do you see every single one of us?

Starting point is 00:50:52 Sometimes I wish I was the guy in the audience having a good time. Do you ever wish that? Does that make any sense? I know exactly what you mean. And I feel like I'm like, I'm past it. Like I can't enjoy comedy the way that I used to. I would love to go back and the way

Starting point is 00:51:03 that I would experience comedy back in the day. but now I just know too much about it. I see too much that I'm just like, oh, okay, I just, I watch it differently. I open for Chris Rock in Europe a few years ago. Wow, he's my favorite. He's amazing. I mean, maybe the greatest ever to do it. And a guy that I was like,

Starting point is 00:51:17 I'm absolutely going to learn everything I can. I'm gonna watch him every night. Watch his whole set, watch everything. And after two shows, I was like, he's a fucking genius. Like, what, I can't take anything from him on stage. There's nothing I can take that would be okay to take. He's got these things he worked on. But I just, become obsessed with how does he prepare?

Starting point is 00:51:38 What does he do right after he gets off stage? What did he do right before? What's his process like? Because I can learn from that. But he's just too great of a stand-up to take anything from him on stage. We did it right before. What's his process like? Because I can learn from that. But he's just too great of a stand up to take anything from him on stage. Yeah, I think sometimes watching certain guys for him, Amwar when I watch him, I love he's so funny. He's so everybody loves him. I don't think there's one type of per... He's so funny. Oh, he's just the nicest guy too. I mean mean so many comics like nice is a low bar in comedy

Starting point is 00:52:06 You know, it's like I he didn't like actively assault me. He's like a nice guy But it's actually you when a sit and talk to and can enjoy a conversation is few and far between and he's he's one of those guys There was a comedian on my night or at the comedy store some guys backing out of the comedy store hits a woman with a car I want like a woman's car a woman hit a woman with his car, right? A woman's car or woman? Hit a woman, a human woman. Wow. And which I don't condone. No. And so,

Starting point is 00:52:29 Can't do it. Yeah. I mean, and the guy, so then he takes off into the building, right? A few minutes later, I just see it from the porch. I'm like, what? And it wasn't really hard, but it was the lady fell down, right?

Starting point is 00:52:42 And people were stripping out. And the guy, like, seven or eight minutes later, he, I'm in the other part of the comedy story, he comes up to me and he's like, Hey dude, he has no idea I've seen it. He's like, do I look like I just hit a woman with my car? And I'm like, what? What would that look like?

Starting point is 00:52:58 I don't know, but I don't know if he was on drug or if somebody was like, Hey man, do I look like I just hit a woman with my car? And I was like, nah, man, you look totally chill. Yeah, do you think he was just like, walk out there and then they go, that can't be him. I think I'm thinking, yeah.

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Starting point is 00:56:36 But comments are strange man. It's really crazy to think how many strange people get together in a building and how much Like like I was thinking yesterday about how Brody Stevens took his life, right? Like that's crazy because so many of us had seen him that night. And there's nothing about him that seemed very erroneous. Or, you know, like people knew that he was struggling. You never kind of knew what level he was struggling at because I think he put so much of it also into his act.

Starting point is 00:57:04 So you were never sure how much was an act and how much wasn't. No, I mean, people who are the most depressed, put on the best mask. You know what's like, you see those memes is like, this isn't the face of depression to when we're in like crying. It's like, it's somebody's like,

Starting point is 00:57:16 it's the smile's too big. You know what's like, no one's that fucking happy, man. What's going on? And I'm not like Brody was always a ball of sunshine, but I mean, I was shocked and gutted when that happened. And most of the time, I'm a Robin Williams. I was like, this fucking guy? This fucking guy who like everyone thinks

Starting point is 00:57:32 is the funniest person of all time, like I had to pull the plug, like that was gutting. That I'm not, I understand that everyone dies. And death is rarely bothering me, but suicide is always just devastates me. Like I gotta take the afternoon to like process, call the therapist and just like talk it out because it's always brutal.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Brody was a tough one. Yeah, yeah, I think he was so big too. He was so much bigger than life. I think what scares me the most about it is that it's like, could that happen of something made? Could that happen? You know, how do you go from seeming just like every other comedian at the store in a way?

Starting point is 00:58:12 Not, I mean, of course you're individual, but just seem like every other comedian to suddenly, like, does something, can something happening your brain that just makes that happen? Yes, I mean, suicide, I read a book about this last year, I think, amazing book. It was just like, suicide's almost like a state of mind. Like, it's like, it's just like something comes over you, and you can't help yourself. Like, you're not who you normally were.

Starting point is 00:58:37 And a lot of times, if a friend of mine or someone I know dies by suicide, I have to know the details. Like, I need to know What happened? It was a financial was it like I was reading a book where if people try to kill themselves by jumping off a bridge into water If they do it over Romantic entanglements if they do it over woman or a guy They almost always if they don't die when you hit the water swim to the surface that I what am I doing this so stupid? I and they swim out and they get saved. If they're jumping over financial shit,

Starting point is 00:59:08 they sink like a stone. I was like, thank God this is over. Like, these different things get into people's minds and just extinguish any sort of flame. There's a book about that? Oh wow. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't know.

Starting point is 00:59:22 I wonder if I have too much of an ego. That's why I wouldn't, like, ego's so interesting cause it's like kind of this shadow, but it's like this, I don't know. When you say ego, do you mean like your body's saying like, you know, not today, or do you mean like you're in your mind being like, I'm not gonna let people read about me tomorrow

Starting point is 00:59:42 that I took my own life. That's what I think. I don't want to die. Yeah. You know, I don't want to die. This is all I'm doing is being alive. So if I die, that's probably going to be pretty boring, you know. At least if I'm alive, I can do any, you know, the things are possible.

Starting point is 00:59:58 I feel like death sounds great. It's just like you get to sleep. Like I don't sleep that well. So the idea of just like you go to sleep forever, sounds awesome. Suicide, I'm not going out like that. I'm not doing that to people who knew me. I'm not gonna be, that's not gonna be the end of my story.

Starting point is 01:00:15 And I just like refused, I never even entertained it. But I'm am fascinated by it. Yeah, yeah, I just don't, and I don't know how I would do it. I just don't know if I could do it. I don't wanna do it. I would do like the guy in the garage with the piping or whatever, probably something casual.

Starting point is 01:00:35 Yeah, I used to think that I'd be like, okay, I'd be like a bathtub guy, you know, kind of thing, take some pills and go to sleep. And then I would read about it more and it was like, men don't do that. Men pull out the shotgun. Men jump off with that, you know, like women take some pills and go to sleep. And then I would read about it more and it was like, men don't do that. Men pull out the shotgun. Men jump off of that. Like women take the pills, women go in the bathtub

Starting point is 01:00:50 and I was like, oh, well, this isn't for me. I'm not going out, pansy style. Yeah, you know what I mean? Oh yeah, I was raised by my mom so I used to wear that towel. I would put it up around my chest sometimes. You know what I'm talking about? Like the bath towel.

Starting point is 01:01:04 Yeah. And then one day my buddy's like I was at my buddy's house is like dude, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, like you have the towel like above your breasts or whatever and I remember someone's I would stand and I would talk like I remember I was talking to somebody through my shirt off. I would cover my chest like this Like just the nipples like the whole yeah like the nipples and I just remember, it was probably something that my mom did as she was like, you know, if we peaked in her room or something and she'd like, what do you know? Like, I don't know, it just seemed kind of,

Starting point is 01:01:34 it seemed like more of a feminine trait, you know? I remember when I was a kid, like, we do yard work at the house and I was always helping my dad, you know, because I was the oldest. And it was just like, it's hot out. Take your shirt off. Like, take your shirt off where we're doing you out of work and it was a great.

Starting point is 01:01:48 And one day I'm playing football with my friends who were like eight or nine years old and it's really hot and I just take my shirt off to play and they all just like stop and look at me. Like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, oh, got it. Shirt back on, like never again. Like, I'm not a shirt off guy.

Starting point is 01:02:00 Yeah. In our neighborhood, taking your shirt off was a sign of respect when I was growing up. Like, if somebody did something, you know, we had people that couldn't really speak really well and very, you know, just damn limited, you know, and so people would take their shirt off as like a sign of like, like respect, you know, like we're with this guy, you know, I remember that. Like on like you're watching 911, you just think everybody take your shirts off? No, no, be something more localized.

Starting point is 01:02:33 Like if you were watching like, like if somebody had started like a ditch fire or something and you know, people were supporting them or whatever he was doing, if he was burning like there, if it was a woman burning her husband's stuff or whatever he was doing. He was burning like there, if it was a woman burning her husband's stuff or whatever or something. If you were in support of whoever was doing something, there was like a, it was almost like, I don't know what to say,

Starting point is 01:02:54 so I'm just gonna say that I'm a vet, I am showing myself here. So it's very primitive. When I think back on it at the time. So you take the shirt off and you're done, or you swing it around, or you throw in the shirt away. Like this shirt's done now. I just saw something to do.

Starting point is 01:03:09 I just saw something to do. But you just hold it until. Yeah, you just hold it, you say like I'm here. And then this moment of respect is over. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, put your shirt back on. Yeah, I think we're kind of dissipated or something. I think somebody, you know, the oldest kid will put their shirt back on and then the rest of the kids

Starting point is 01:03:23 will put their shirt back on. So it was like, it was an age thing. I think it was like a, yeah, it was something, but I just remember that if you didn't know what to do, you just took your shirt off and if you were running an adult, sometimes you took it, you know, just to show, it was like a son of respect somehow. I just remember people doing it a lot.

Starting point is 01:03:44 I always think it's funny when you see like you see fights online like I follow Twitter accounts just like here's a fight. It's like it's the worst. Just some some like random guy in the suburbs rips a shirt like they start arguing tears a shirt off and starts flexing. Always makes me laugh. Why do they allow these children? You ever see the fights of children beating up other children on one? Why do they allow that to be on? It seems like we created a culture that is just imitating what they see, right? Because at a certain point, you just see the same,

Starting point is 01:04:12 it's like the same exact video, just new people. And I'm like, what, shouldn't there be a block? That's why I get weird about like free speech, kind of, I guess, you know? It's like, shouldn't there be a block that lets us not see this? The fight the kids fighting. Yeah, I just think it's like, cause then some kids sees that now 20 other kids are going to go make the video. Yeah, like we just perpetuating it, you know, I don't know. I mean, there were plenty of fights before that this started happening. I don't know if anyone's fighting for the video. fights before this started happening. I don't know if anyone's fighting for the video. You almost hope it's the kind of fight that isn't going to be online. The last time I

Starting point is 01:04:49 got in a real fist fight, I think it was like a sophomore in high school. And they filmed it. They had a camcorder on a tripod. What? And filmed it and I won the fight. Was it Comedy Central? What the... Like, who was it a company? Film the fight when I was 16 years old. Oh, oh He said high school high school. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm so in high school Okay, and just the guy thought he was gonna beat me up and had his friends film it and I won the fight Yeah, and people passed the tape around I did one of the coolest things I've ever done before since I Was this guy's bigger than me and I'm not winning this fight in the beginning. And we get to a point, we've thrown a couple punches,

Starting point is 01:05:26 and he gets me from behind, he's like, got me in like a bear hug around my arms. Oh, he's done. And he's trying to like, throw me down. And I just, in this, in this like five-second span, I remember a movie called Bird on Wire with Mel Gibson. Bird on Wire? With Day of the Wild.

Starting point is 01:05:43 Goldie Kong. Yes, with Goldie Kong. And Mel Gibson's thing in a wire? With Dave? Burn on a wire? Goldie Han. Yes, with Goldie Han. And Mel Gibson's thing in that movie, his move, and when you fight, was to get him from behind, and he would put his head forward and slam his head back. And so I just let my, all my body weight go, like I just went limp and I had my head dropped down and slammed it back and caught him right in the head, and he went down. And you hear everyone scream and I was just like, oh like, oh, I think I knocked his teeth out.

Starting point is 01:06:06 He had fake teeth in the first four and I hit him and the teeth came out and then he was like, this is over, I gotta fix my teeth. And that taped one around school for like three weeks and I felt like a god and then all of a sudden it disappeared. But I was like, if that was online, I don't know what my life would have been like. You know, like- You would have been somebody who's fights.

Starting point is 01:06:27 You probably, that would have been my thing. You'd have been a fight. Yeah, I'm going to get in a fight and hope this guy grabs you from behind and I'm going to do my Mel Gibson head snap. And this is my identity now. Oh, you'd be doing a musical of it. I mean, that's the kind of thing that happens is like people, yeah, everything, you have to take it to the stage now.

Starting point is 01:06:43 people, yeah, everything, you have to take it to the stage now. Have you been to, have you done comedy mothership yet? No, I actually, I was in Austin a few weeks ago, and I had like, I had like three shows, but then I went, I remember Curtis from a comedy store. Yeah, he's like running down. He was like, hey, he's awesome. Curtis Nelson. Yeah, he was like, just come over after your show and like won't be closed, but I'll give you a tour.

Starting point is 01:07:05 That's exactly what he did. Showed me all the memorabilia on the walls and showed me the stages. And it all seems pretty perfect. It's cool. Yeah, I think one thing they're doing, well, one thing I noticed when I was there, I just think I've done maybe two sets there, right?

Starting point is 01:07:20 But it's nice. When you go there, if you do do a set there, they, you know, they just surprise the audience with you. So it's like you could just, they're just, you know, so that always feels pretty nice, I think. And to be a place where a comedian opened a comedy club, I think it's kind of interesting. And that they get paid better, right?

Starting point is 01:07:39 That's one thing I think is really cool. I like it. I mean, is that the comedians get paid better? I root for that place. I root for, there's no comic club I root against, but it just seems like it's probably a little bit easier there. Oh, because it's kind of like a built-in like this, like a lot of the audience that likes like a Rogan audience or a handscliff on it. It's a built-in approval. Like you, you're not, Joe Rogan audience or a Hinchcliffe on it. Like a home team. It's a built in approval. Like you, you're not, Joe Rogan cannot bomb at that club. Right.

Starting point is 01:08:07 You know what I mean? It's like they, like everybody coming is hoping they see him. Yes. And I've got jokes where it's like I want the audience to be like, oh fuck, you know, I don't want them to be like, yeah. If I say like, you know, let's talk about trans people

Starting point is 01:08:18 and everyone's like, fuck yeah, do it. That's not my thing. I want to put it like, fuck. And then I show them how I do it, you know, but that place, and this is not, it's just, it's new and people are excited about the club but it doesn't seem, it seems like a little bit, people will say come play in our sandbox.

Starting point is 01:08:35 I wanna play on the beach. Oh, see what you're saying, you know? Yeah, well I think, it's a good point of that, I think as you get, when people know you, yeah, a lot of times, even when I go on stage, I'm like, are they, am I good at this anymore? Or are people just being, you know, who are fans of mine or we have something in common or they just, you know, I don't doubt myself, but the setup changes.

Starting point is 01:09:07 It's not where you went on stage for 14 years and they didn't know who you were. So you knew you got to win them over. You knew there were so many pieces of feedback that you were getting that let you know you were genuine, you were doing well. Whereas now it's like, yeah, am I still? And then, because they're there for you.

Starting point is 01:09:31 So it's like, how do you know, how do you find an audience then? I mean, I guess you just pop on shows where people don't know you're gonna be there, maybe that's probably the best way. I mean, TV was my thing. TV and like I never, I wasn't like, I was someone's opener and that's how I kind of made my bones.

Starting point is 01:09:46 It was like, okay, got on TV, the roast kind of showcase what I did to stand up. Oh, that's right. And then it was like, you could go see me do that for an hour. You know, it just worked out that my standup is very close to my roasting. So that's how I got everyone. And I kind of missed those days where I was so surprised

Starting point is 01:10:01 to people because I don't have to earn anymore. I just have to not let them down. If I don't let them down, they're going to come back. I'll get one tour where it's like greatest hits and then after that, then no one's coming to see me again. It's got to be, every time you come to see me, it's going to be all new and I've got to have worked out. I'm not fucking around.

Starting point is 01:10:17 I'm not messing around trying out stuff. It's like, here's the act and I've kind of taught people. But a lot of times you just go up there and hang out. We've all seen famous comics go and just do the hangout set. And that's- She hell does that a lot of feel like. You know. And that's, it seems unpleasant to me.

Starting point is 01:10:35 I don't want to waste everybody's time. Yeah, I totally understand. I don't want to waste everybody's time. But I'll see, when I open for Chris Rock, where I would see Chris Rock at the store coming and working on stuff. And he would just for like an hour just stand up on stage in the bedroom going like,

Starting point is 01:10:49 what else? What else? And I'm like, I could never do that. I could never just be sitting in the audience's wrapped. They're like, we love this. We'll sit here and watch you think all night. I could never.

Starting point is 01:11:00 I would start sweating if I just was like, hmm, what else we like? I don't write on stage for that reason. I've gotta have it down. Wow. I write on stage, but I write, like I'll be doing something that I know is working and it'll go a new little tributary will start off of it.

Starting point is 01:11:15 And it's always that, whatever that new thing is, if it does well then, it's locked in. It works good. Do you record or do you remember? It's like, it kills so hard, you're like, okay. I record all the audio and I'll listen back. Because sometimes you'll just get one new angle in like the beginning of something.

Starting point is 01:11:32 You're like, oh, this is monumental. Did you see those aliens, those Mexican aliens? The little tiny guy. Yeah. And would you think about it? I didn't give a flying fuck. Like space, outer space, I don't care at all. Like I'm glad people were working on it.

Starting point is 01:11:49 I'm glad we're going to Mars and all that shit. Like I go find out as much as you can about that star, but I don't give a shit. Like I've never seen a picture and been like, oh wow, wow, that's what a black hole looks like. Like I don't, it's got nothing to do with me. That like the aliens, I was like, I don't believe it. Like yeah, I know you're talking to the government right now,

Starting point is 01:12:05 but this would be a bigger deal. And if it was, I still probably wouldn't care. This is legit, little alien guy, it's like, so what? And it's like a Mexican government, which I'm not saying is not as legitimate as any other government. But I think it has, there's definitely more of like, people, it's like what's going on here, you know?

Starting point is 01:12:25 And they kind of did like a, they like pulled it out of like a, they like moved open a box. It was like a little bit of a crypt. So like, I think the whole thing seemed a little, I don't, I wonder if I care about UFOs. I don't care. They could attack. And I'd be like, I don't like wake me up when I'm dead.

Starting point is 01:12:44 Like I just don't, it doesn't interest wake me up when I'm dead. Like I just don't. It doesn't interest me. Do you think our government would let us know if they have been here or not? I don't. I don't know if they would. I don't think they would do it to be like good, but I also don't think they would successfully cover it up. You know, like the government fucks up so much stuff. That's why I don't really believe in conspiracy theories, because I like they would fuck it up. If they fake the moon landing, they would've fucked it up. Right. Someone would've, someone would've like talked, it would've been a thing, and I'm gonna see

Starting point is 01:13:10 so many comments now about like, you're so dumb, if you don't believe like, I don't care. I don't wanna waste my time thinking about that. Yeah. It's like when crypto was a big thing, it's like, I don't care, I like money, but I don't wanna sit and think about money. Right.

Starting point is 01:13:24 I like to have it. I don't want to look at the stock market. I don't want to look at my crypto things and see what's cool. If I got to buy the different coin now, fuck that. Yeah, I'm not a crazy investor really a lot of times because I just like to know what I have. I tell my business manager like, am I doing anything wrong? Am I doing anything stupid? Let me know.

Starting point is 01:13:38 Otherwise, just pay my taxes and we're cool. Yeah, dude, I will think, look at that NFT market. That thing disappeared. I mean, what the fuck was that? It sounded dumb from the jump. I would say it sounded dumb. People be like, you don't get it. I'm like, I think I do.

Starting point is 01:13:53 And now it's all like, everything's been proven right. Like it's all, it's all gone. Yeah. And I know why the board eight was, it wasn't good in the first place, but you're gonna spend billions on this thing. It was very, very dumb. And I think the person spending billions, I think it's just one guy telling his buddy,

Starting point is 01:14:09 hey, let's write an article that say, you spend a billion. Yeah. And then we'll get everybody else to buy bullshit. Yeah. It's like the guy who said he's spending billions never even spent a fucking billion. I think they spent five grand paying a website

Starting point is 01:14:23 to make an article, you know. And computer money isn't real. Like I don't believe that you have like a billion dollars in crypto that's the same as having a billion dollars in real money. Yeah. I don't buy it. Do you think you could have been like,

Starting point is 01:14:33 I've been watching Band of Brothers if you've been watching it? I watched it when it first came out. God, how good was it? It was great. Do you remember when Jimmy Fallon shows up? He's in it? For like five seconds.

Starting point is 01:14:44 It was clear. Everyone in Hollywood was getting into this, and the valentine just left SNL, and it's like they're about to go with the end of an episode, like episode six or something, with things about to get bad. Like we got no backup, it's just us. We're each other's brothers,

Starting point is 01:14:57 and all of a sudden, we don't even have guns, and all of a sudden they're like, hey guys, they turn around and it's Jimmy Fallon in the uniform, he leaves like a mac you, and he's like, hey, they found some guns. He leaves like a macular and he's like, hey, I found some guns for you. And then I really, he's like, yeah, I'm just giving them out. And they like take the guns and like, thanks man,

Starting point is 01:15:10 he's like, good luck guys. And that's the end of the episode. It was like clear that he wanted to be a part of it. They were just like, well, we're working at Cameo somewhere. Let's give him something good. Okay, he gives the guys guns at the end. It was so, so Hollywood cheese. Wow.

Starting point is 01:15:24 Did it stand out so much from the episode? Yeah, because no one else is fucking famous. You know, you have like a couple guys who were like younger actors, but then it's like, obviously, it's Jimmy fucking Fallon just post SNL. You know, it was hilarious to see him in a World War II situation. Wow, it even made,

Starting point is 01:15:39 I might not be to the end of that episode yet. I'm watching this for the second time now. Dude, Jimmy Fallon when he first was doing touring, he before he got SNL. I know before he got the tonight show, he opened up for me in Miami. They had him, they were putting him on stage, I guess to get his, I mean, I say opened up,

Starting point is 01:15:59 like they just put him in the middle spot. The special guest spot, he do as much as he want. The crowd was good, he do 20 if it was back. Nobody knew. He was there. I didn't even know. Till I got there, I go in the green room and he's in there. And it was cool, man.

Starting point is 01:16:13 It was cool. And then the last time I think he just kind of, he was doing fine. I think he just was getting kind of over it. Yeah. It was a Sunday night show. Yeah, doing guest sets. Like everyone's excited.

Starting point is 01:16:24 But it's like you're doing, I totally, I would get bored doing guest sets too. I just couldn't believe it. I was so scared to go in the green room and then I didn't know what to say when I was in there. Green room gets small, bro, when you were just learning about being a comedian and you're in there with a headliner. Because you don't know.

Starting point is 01:16:39 And the headliners are fucking, we're crazy. We're crazy. We did very specific and particular how we used to things. Yeah, and some people, like, that's their whole, that's the only time they have any power. They don't have power out on stage, but in the green, they can be like,

Starting point is 01:16:53 get the fuck out of here with that cheeseburger and you're like, relax, man. But like, now I know enough. Like, we've just had some random person walk in your green room, like put their jacket down and you're like, and they walk out and you're like, what? And they're like, no, they shouldn't have done that.

Starting point is 01:17:04 Like, oh, I didn't know to tell someone, like, I once yelled at the comedy stores lawyer who was like eating dinner in the green room. I was like, are you comic? And he's like, no, get the fuck out of you. And then someone comes back and like, that's the lawyer. Like, I'm like, well, he's still, he shouldn't be back here. He sure the fuck shouldn't have been back here, dude. Thank fleas in heaven now. Like, I passed away. No, we did.

Starting point is 01:17:22 But, yeah. But, um, but hey, that's what he gets for fuck's eating in the green room. Should I come in my green room, bro? But you're not a comedian, dude. Well, when you cross the dark art, the fucking last son of Transylvania, and you go to his green room and eat, you're in trouble. You're gonna die, you got about your life.

Starting point is 01:17:41 Do you think you could have handled like the draft or something like that? Sometimes I feel like we need another war. Do you think that could have handled the draft or something like that? Sometimes I feel like we need another war. Do you think that's a crazy thought? Yes. Why? Because what the fuck did we get out of most of them? You can look at World War II and be like,

Starting point is 01:17:54 okay, that was we've fighting for something, but now technology's gotten so crazy with everything that I don't know if anyone would do the draft. I don't know what would have the national drugs. And I'm gonna have the, you know, the nationality to just be like blindly follow the government. They don't wanna do that. If it was a real, if we got attacked, I bet everyone signs up the next day.

Starting point is 01:18:14 But if it's just like, hey, we notice something's going on in North Korea again. I'm like, get the, when I do in that. I get the fuck outta here, right? I used to think I would have just gone into the draft. Like my dad was in the military. I have just certainly I have respect for it. Do I think I'd be a good soldier?

Starting point is 01:18:27 Absolutely fucking non-dose. So it's like you would be the worst. Yeah, like I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna drag the rest of the troops down. Let's head to Canada and do my part over there. Yeah, that's what I, I think what I want is I want something to unify people. I want something that makes us feel.

Starting point is 01:18:45 I miss the days where I think when we all felt like we were part of a country, or it seemed to me like we felt like we were. Like, I don't know how that all that just, I don't know if I felt like I was part of the gut if I was like, if I love the government really, if I just love the idea of our country, you know? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:19:04 Like when you're a kid, like... I mean, no, if you love the government, you're fucking dumb. Like, if you, like, I get in love with an editor, if you're like, this government, the fucking IRS is killer, man, I love him so much. If you love politicians, like people were like, oh, like fuck the Joe Biden, it's like, okay, I'm down. Fuck the president, always, if you're like,

Starting point is 01:19:21 fuck this guy, the last guy was a man, you're like, get the fuck out of here. Every politician fucking sucks. I would never do that with my life. I'm down, fuck the president, always, if you're like, fuck this guy, the last guy was a man, you're like, get the fuck out of here. Every politician fucking sucks. I would never do that with my life. There's some I like more than others, but like politicians in general get the fuck out of here. Like, why am I supposed to like this one?

Starting point is 01:19:35 No, they're all politicians, it's insane. Yeah, I think, well, I've always thought, if you ever, my mother always let us know, if you ever think that a government is going to do something for your life, then that's not how it's going to work, probably. I'll never get over the government saying every year,

Starting point is 01:19:55 pay your taxes, figure it out, pay your taxes, and you try to do whatever math you have, you send it to him, and then go, you got it wrong. Then fucking tell me what it is, send me a bill, don't make me do these gymnastics and then tell me I'm wrong Like why are you making me do this and that's why I think about the government of course of aggressive That's very passive aggressive of them and also you know there used to be a box you check it you get for being blind right you get 1600 bucks, right? But you have to check the fucking box dude like how do they even like?

Starting point is 01:20:26 I just don't understand what there should be a box that you don't check if you're blind Yeah, if you can see check this box It's not you're going down and they don't even tell you what it's for just as if you can see check this box That would have been the best way to know if people are blind You know what's always obsessed me about blind people and I just try to turn this new joke and can never do it, is you know what braille is, right? And the little dots they read? It's like think about how long it takes a blind person.

Starting point is 01:20:51 Like let's say you lost your vision today. How long do you think it would take you to learn braille? Like one dots A to his B, this is C, like. I bet probably two months. Two months, 60 days, 62 days tops. And you know what, maybe to be fluent, I would say maybe six months. Six months, 60 days, 62 days tops. Um, and you know what, maybe to be for, uh, fluent, I would say maybe six months. Six months, okay. How long then once you know how to read braille, does it take you to find braille?

Starting point is 01:21:14 Oh, yeah. If you're blind, you can read the shit out of it. How do you find it? Are you just always looking around like any bump, you're just like, oh, thank, I can read again. Like, you go to the bank and it's like on the ATM, but like how do you find the ATM? Like I don't know how they ever do.

Starting point is 01:21:29 They should have made Braille way bigger for blind people. Yeah, they should have made it huge. They should have made it like speed bumps in a parking lot when you're pulling in, but you can't run your finger over. And it's like, your tires go over it. And you feel like, oh, it communicates to your car or something that communicates to you. Or you do, it makes a sound when you go over it and you feel like, oh, it communicates to your car or something that communicates to you or you do it makes a sound when you go over but yeah, I mean the blonde they've been fucking shunned by society for so long

Starting point is 01:21:53 I feel like or just you know nobody cared that much. It's like yeah, we'll give you this little series about it. People don't trust blind people. Yeah, oh no, you don't trust deaf people. You don't trust blind people You're like, you can see a little bit. You can see something. You can hear loud noises. You're just playing this up. Oh yeah, I remember they had a dude in our town who he was deaf, right? And he was doing this and people beat him up

Starting point is 01:22:19 for doing bad magic, you know? They thought he was doing like. Evely, I kind of should have just heard like this. And they thought he was doing like the evil eye kind of shit. Yeah, just shit like this. Yeah, and they thought he'd, you know, never pulled out a quarter or anything and people fucking lit in to him, you know, that's what you got to carry a quarter. Oh, no matter how tough you are, get that kid a quarter. What's an ailment? Do you think you could handle?

Starting point is 01:22:42 I mean, I mean, you can handle whatever, Like right now I'm dealing with like back issues. We're like my back sucks and I'm like, seeing a chiropractor, doing exercises like all this stuff and I'm like, I'm dealing with it. Like sometimes it's better than others, but I'm dealing with it that anything that you just like when you get sick, you get the flu and you're like, you feel like you've had the flu for your entire life and it's never going away. And then one day you're like, ah, the cough's gone. Like it's over.

Starting point is 01:23:02 That I think I could handle whatever. There's not, I wouldn't want these things, but if I lost a Like it's over. I think I could handle whatever. There's not, I wouldn't want these things, but if I lost a limb, you know, I think I could handle it. I've always wanted to lose an eye. I would love to wear an eye patch. I would love to have just one eye, like a black leather eye patch, a cool one, and that's my thing.

Starting point is 01:23:19 People say, glass eyes the way to go. I disagree. Eye patch. If it's like a scar going down and the I patch. Yeah, coming out the bottom of it. You would be able to do that though. I think there's a thing about being tall and handsome. You get a you get there's there's so much stuff you get to do that you don't realize that other people don't get to do. Mm-hmm. Like a little guy with an eye patch is a far that guy.

Starting point is 01:23:41 Terrible. It's well, it's just nobody's gonna give a fuck. It's Terrible. It's, well, it's just, nobody's gonna give a fuck. It's too much. It's, yeah. It's too much, pick one. Yeah, be little, do an eye patch, but don't fucking come in here. Mm-hmm. You know, yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:56 Yeah, I think I always was fast. And I remember when I was a kid, I met a kid that had a stutter, right, this kid named Douglas, and I'd never heard it before. And I was so jealous. I was like, he sounds so unique. Like I want to be, and I remember I would impersonate him a lot, right?

Starting point is 01:24:12 Like, I was in, I mean, I loved it, and my teacher got mad at me. And I was like, no, you don't wanna, like, I think it's cool. I think it's cool. Awesome. Yeah. Like, he sounds unique. I know.

Starting point is 01:24:24 I made fun of someone with a stutter, and the kid's mom was like, don't do that. If you draw attention to it, it'll have it forever. But if you just don't mention it, he'll stop. And I was like, oh, why is this my job? Wow. You guys deal with that at home. In the real world, we're talking about it.

Starting point is 01:24:42 We're talking about that stutter. Dude, I can't really try to put that on you. That's crazy. It's like, I'm a, what a responsibility. But that's what you get when you're tall, dude. When you're tall people, I feel like you get fucking put everything gets put on you. I feel like when you're tall.

Starting point is 01:24:54 I'll tell you. I'm just regular heighted. I'm six foot. Okay. And I was kind of tall for a little while, but everybody just, I didn't, it didn't play out. And, and then, but I, the tall kid always fucking, remember when you got tall,

Starting point is 01:25:10 remember just like one, four weeks, you're like, and your neck was long and your fucking chin was like. My neck always hurt. Like there were like three years where I was always doing this. Like my neck, it was like, oh, I'm growing. I didn't know at the time. My neck just like, it was always sore. And I shot up like, I was the tallest kid in my class immediately,

Starting point is 01:25:26 and then I just stopped. So, and I thought I was big and I was just tall. I wasn't big at all, I was like a bean pole, but people wanted to fight you. You know, I was like, oh, the tall guy, I'm gonna fight him. I was like, I don't want to. This 40 year old, you're like, I'm 11, I'm seven.

Starting point is 01:25:40 Yeah, I'm 11. Yeah, nine. What else do you think about like your career? Do you feel like, did you feel like success gave you a lot of the things you thought it would or were you surprised by any of that? I was surprised at how little I was able to enjoy it. Like I didn't want to be famous.

Starting point is 01:25:58 I wanted to be known. I wanted to be able to like comedians would know who I was. You know, if you're a comic and you don't know who I am, you're not a comic. Right, you wanted to be valid. Yes, I could walk into a club and they'd be like, oh, Anthony, you're here.

Starting point is 01:26:10 That's very powerful, too, isn't it? When you think about like that being able to happen. Oh yeah, walking into like a green room, like I just, I go to see Doug Stanhope and I'm like, I wanna go backstage and maybe they'll let me back and I walk back and be like, oh, hey, come on back in. You're like, oh, that's cool.

Starting point is 01:26:23 It's almost feels false, doesn't it? Or does it ever feel like that to you? Not that you don't deserve it. There's no doubt. But even when people welcome me, like I would go to the comedy seller sometimes, like the last one's there, like do you wanna get up? And I was like, not me.

Starting point is 01:26:40 Like I don't just get up. You know, like I, you know, if Colin Quinn comes in, or if somebody, like a new, you know, like. Sure. But they're like, I always say when it comes to that, when you want to drop in, I'm like, if you didn't buy a ticket to see me, you don't want to see me.

Starting point is 01:26:55 I'm not a good dropping. Because it's like, you're here to see whatever else. And then it's like, my dead baby bullshit for 15 minutes. And they're just like, what the fuck? And I'm like, yeah, you're right. Like I'm ruining your good time. So it's like, I want people to know that I'm coming. I'm not a good surprise.

Starting point is 01:27:11 But I really hated, 2013 was when the Justin, like offensive was on the air. I was like right after the roasts and everything. I did my first special. Where I was, for that year, I was famous. Then the show got canceled. Like, I had a couple of years off TV and it was like, it went away almost immediately. Where it was just like, the temperature got canceled. Like I had a couple years off TV and it was like it went away almost immediately

Starting point is 01:27:25 where it was just like the temperature got dialed down but I didn't like people looking at you and being like, I know you from something. I don't know what it is, but like I know you. That I hated. If it's like, I love your comedy. Thank you so much, great, I love that. But just I've seen you on something, I hated.

Starting point is 01:27:41 I really hated being famous, you know. Yeah, I think it's, it feels exhausting. It feels like a whole other life you have to live. Yeah, so it's like you're not just doing the one show, you're doing shows all the time, and you don't know when it's happening. Like you're walking through the airport, and then you like get home when you see someone's

Starting point is 01:27:59 been following you around taking pictures and posting them all, and they're like, this is just weird and it gets in your head. I get people who wear sunglasses all the time. I get the hat and like the disguise and just like I don't want to be out in public. Like I stopped going to bars. Like it was just being around any drunk people was. Oh the drunk worst person.

Starting point is 01:28:15 Yeah, that's one thing I love about not drinking is just not having to deal with that type of energy or like because it's already weird enough if somebody knows you, but then I think if they're wasted, it makes you just kind of scared. This is too risky. Oh yeah, and then they come, they want to come back. It's like, hey, I just want to say I'm a huge fan. Like, thank you. And then like, I'm going to picture five minutes later.

Starting point is 01:28:34 Like, I just want to tell you, this one joke, you know, like, this is my home. Yeah, my sister, see, yeah, I do my fucking, she loves you, she's forced to face time. Yeah, and I get it, their fans, like it's cool, but like, you know, they pay by tickets, but when they're drunk, it is really tough to deal with. Yeah, one guy put me on the phone with his sister

Starting point is 01:28:51 and she's fighting with her husband, like having a fucking fist fight with her husband, right? In some house, somewhere, and I'm like, and the guy's like, she loves you, so drunk he doesn't realize where I'm like a domestic dispute or something. He's she loves you. I'm a psych. She's you know She's down two rounds to zero against family right here You know, I'll never do the video. I'll never take the phone like if they went like hey

Starting point is 01:29:17 Can I get a picture of course sign this like I've gotten to the airport today and he's like three guys with a stack of shit And I'm just like it's easier just to do this real quick and get out of here. But I'm like, this is all going on eBay, this is dumb as shit, but it's easier just to do it. But I feel like we do a video for my friend who couldn't make it. No, I'm not doing that. Were you bummed when the roast kinda went away?

Starting point is 01:29:37 Did that bum you out? No, I was happy to do this stuff. I'm so fucking perched for you. Yeah, and it was, I mean, it was all I wanted to do. I was like building my act towards getting on that. The Trump roast was like my big break. My life was night and day after that. Then the Sheen roast came like a couple months later.

Starting point is 01:29:54 It wasn't that long and that was even bigger and that I felt insane pressure because I was like, well, that was my big break and those were jokes that I'd been working on forever. Now I've got four months. It's my sophomore album that could tank and I didn't want it to seem like, oh, I got lucky. So that was so stressful. And then it was like a year until the Rosanne was my last one. And that was a letdown. It wasn't that the same hype to it that Trump and Sheen had.

Starting point is 01:30:18 Like the next, I'm right, I just showed the next weekend and like the ticket sales were just normal. Like it wasn't like I even get the the bump that I got after she and Trump. That I was like, you know, I don't really wanna do this anymore. It's like it's just not fun telling the same kinds of jokes. And I didn't approach it like Jeff Ross who was just like Jeff Ross could do it forever.

Starting point is 01:30:35 To anyone, no one's getting mad, he's just perfect at it. My thing was like to like Darth Vader. Like I was coming to kill everyone there and it just, I didn want to do it again. That people just ask me every now and again. I'm like it would take it would take a lot. It would it would have to be money because I just feel like I've done it and I feel like I did it perfectly. Right. To come back it just I feel the pressure. You know, I feel the pressure to perform like the audience might be there to see me and they've loved my

Starting point is 01:31:01 last four hours, but this fifth hour better measure up or I feel terrible. So yeah, it is just hype. Yeah, and I guess once you do something and doing it well then that's enough Knowing when to not do something anymore is important. Do you think comedy central how they messed up? I mean they were caught they were the only comedy network Viacom fucked it up for everybody at a time when Disney was buying Marvel At a time when Disney was buying Marvel, at a time where Disney was buying, you know, like Warner Bros. all this shit, Biocom was just like enriching themselves. They weren't investing, and then when streaming came along,

Starting point is 01:31:32 it just wept them all out. But like MTV's gone, and Comedy Central still technically around, but it's like five people now, and they're not getting to stand up that maybe things come back a little bit, but it was just, and I've talked to many, many people

Starting point is 01:31:45 over the years about what happened. But it just, it's crazy though. Like you were the comedy network. You had comedy. Yeah, I remember it took them forever to get into like social. They just didn't, they were like so behind somehow. So behind. Yeah, it just didn't really care that much, didn't have to.

Starting point is 01:32:02 But they're figuring out now. And they made some, they just didn't have, they didn't have that good, like, they only had a few shows that really crushed it for them, I think, you know. And they wouldn't pay, to get three seasons was almost impossible, even two was like a stretch. I mean, look, it's like SNL.

Starting point is 01:32:17 You see the people who like, didn't get SNL, who like auditioned for SNL, didn't get it, got fired after a year, you know, and their career is how amazing it's been, like a Sarah Silverman or something, that comedy central is the same way. It's like all these huge stars, that people think comedy central let them go,

Starting point is 01:32:33 it's like they couldn't afford them. Yeah, what John Oliver's making HBO versus what he made on Comedy Central is insane. Stephen Colbert, you know, had to leave Comedy Central. They just didn't have the money there. Yeah, Schumer owed them another know, had to leave it coming to Central. They just didn't have the money there. Yeah. Schumer owed, uh, Amy Schumer owed them another season, I think of her show. I don't know if she ended up doing it or not. But remember, she had the, what is this

Starting point is 01:32:52 so called inside of him? Inside of me Schumer. I think they contractually had one more season that she was supposed to do with this because then she just blew up so much that she just didn't. And maybe they just did like a buyout of it or some. Not a swimmer. She did it, she did one for Paramun Plus. Oh, she did. Oh, maybe that was it then.

Starting point is 01:33:10 Yeah. Maybe that was it. Um, I was like, I have friends who will like sign a deal, get paid and then like hope the network forgets about it. Oh yeah, it was like a free movie. Maybe number Clippy? Oh yeah. God, I wish I had taken a deal from them.

Starting point is 01:33:22 It's for this free money deal. Oh yeah. Yeah, they're like, here's Andre Crayon, three weeks later, we're totally out of business. Like what's the best job you've ever had in terms of that? Like for me was judging roast battle. Where it was just like,

Starting point is 01:33:35 everything I go, I show up. Like they're paying you amazing and you don't have to prepare anything. You just sit there and then they do their bit and then you think of a joke and you say it and then everything was great. And if you mess up, they edit it out. Like it's so cool, zero pressure, paid a ton

Starting point is 01:33:52 and just so much fun. I love that. Yeah, one of the best jobs I ever had actually was a comedy central job. It was called Reality Bites Back. I watched Reality Bites Back. Amy had it all on like DVD and we watched it. It's so good.

Starting point is 01:34:07 The show was so fucking funny. I can't believe it didn't like no one watched it, but it was, it was great. I can't believe it didn't start to re-air things that they had that were great, but I guess they don't have, is that a fiscal, maybe they have to re-run it from themselves? I don't know how that worked.

Starting point is 01:34:21 I think just no one watched it, no one was watching it if they would rerun it. They were just like, let's, let's get rid of this. But it had like, shumors on it. Tiffany had it. Burke Christ, if they put it out now, it seemed like it would do fun. Yeah, you would think.

Starting point is 01:34:34 You know? It's weird how comedy doesn't live that long. Even if it is all like the stars of yesterday, people just, they'd rather watch you now. But it's like, I can watch like a summer high tide. Ready to be ever seen that? Oh yeah. And it still gets, it's still like so redid,

Starting point is 01:34:52 it still gets me. But it's like, I mean, one of the best shows comedy central ever made was Strangelo the Candy. And they never rerun that. Like ever, you have to like, you had to find it on, I used to buy it on eBay. I'd buy like a season on eBay if someone who burned

Starting point is 01:35:05 like the DVDs. That she was amazing. My favorite roast of all time was the roast of Chevy Chase. One that was like a fiasco, but it's like Todd Berry, Andy Kendler, like Mark Marren of the Roasters, and it's so fucking awesome, but it tanked. And they like comedy central, but it's like we threw it away.

Starting point is 01:35:21 Like you can, if you can find it on YouTube, go for it, but we don't have a copy of it, we'll never rerun it and we just got rid of it. That's crazy, it seems like if you put the roast of Chevy Chase on a network TV right now, people would tune in. Like what do you think about like our Netflix specials? Like things we've done,

Starting point is 01:35:37 there's no physical media anymore. Like that can all go away and you're left with like nothing. And that's wild to me, that a corporation, who knows what you get canceled for, but they can just be like, all your work is gone. It's gone as if it never existed. There's nothing you can do. Nothing.

Starting point is 01:35:54 Oh, it's very scary. I think, you know, I went to the last blockbuster not long ago. Where's that? It's in Bend, Oregon. Yes. And I've an ex-girlfriend that lives up there and it's a beautiful town.

Starting point is 01:36:07 And I went in there and you know what's fascinating, the most fascinating was how you used to see, you saw so many titles. You're over here. It's like in bruise and here's like, you know, daddy daycare or whatever. You know, here's like, you know, llama town or whatever. And it's like, oh fuck, I, you don't know what to choose, but you see, I mean, you know, here's like, you know, llama town or whatever. And it's like, oh fuck, you don't know what to choose, but you see, I mean, you were here and then you were in, and you'd walk through, you'd be like,

Starting point is 01:36:31 oh, I forgot about this movie, this is great, I've never seen this, but it was so different than when you go to a platform on your television and you see 10 titles. It was another, it felt like you actually, here's what it felt like, I'm realizing, it felt like you actually had a choice in what you were choosing in the blockbuster, right?

Starting point is 01:36:53 Then as opposed to on the TV where it feels like this is what we're serving today. Even though that's not it, you can go look for stuff, but it's just not, it didn't register the same. No, and it's even annoying where Netflix, I don't know if they still do this, but like if they know something's right up your alley, like they have all your algorithm, whatever,

Starting point is 01:37:11 there was a movie that came out like a couple of years ago, right before my last special came out. Now, so I was talking to Netflix at the time, and you've ever seen the night comes for us? Did you ever see the raid or the raid too? It's kind of like a martial, a super violent martial arts movie with people just fighting with machetesetes and shit and it's awesome.

Starting point is 01:37:27 And I see it and I'm like this is the best fucking thing I've ever seen. Why wouldn't Netflix tell me, hey, good news, we got this new movie for you. And so it told me basically if they know you're gonna see it, if they know like this is right up your alley, they won't put it on your screen because they know you're gonna look for it. And I want you to find other things on your way to it. That's like you can't, they know what you want, but they're still going to make you look for it and that makes me fucking crazy.

Starting point is 01:37:52 Yeah, it feels like privatized communism in a way. Does that make any sense? You're not thinking of things wrong? I mean, it's a funny way to say it. Like, I get what you mean. It feels like, yeah, it just, because stuff like that, it's like, it's a funny way to say it. Like, I get what you mean. It feels like, yeah, it just, cause stuff like that, it's like, it's fine, but in the end you're just,

Starting point is 01:38:09 I'm gonna watch what you want me to watch. And I won't be a soul, and, you know, I'll just be, like, I'll be a firefly, but you'll own the gasoline or the match, you know? It's like, I'll just never. I don't know. Stuff like that makes me feel kind of defeated sometimes. It makes me feel old. I'm just like, I'm not really in the midst of an older thought of it, huh?

Starting point is 01:38:34 I don't know. I put, because we're in the industry, so we kind of understand. And the way Netflix is secretive pisses me off. That I think unless I love Netflix, I'm glad I have the specials on there. But it's annoying that they're just like, they won't tell me. You don't know how good something did. It can tell you, they can say trending, not trending.

Starting point is 01:38:52 You have no fucking clue. The bag is doing great. I remember my last special day, like in the first week, this many people watched it. And I was like, that's great. Give me something to compare it to. I don't, that number means nothing to me unless you say Ali Wong got this in two weeks.

Starting point is 01:39:07 You know what I mean? I don't understand what any of the stuff they say. And they could tell you, hey, most of your people watch you in Chicago. Most people do the, like that way you know where to tour and they won't tell you. Like they don't give you anything. And they'll be like, we know.

Starting point is 01:39:20 I'm like, well, no one's ever quit and just been like, let me tell you what, what happened? I would love to go undercover boss to Netflix and just look up my shit and then piece out. Well YouTube is interesting too, because it's like you can't even talk to someone in the system like they took down an episode that we had and we couldn't even, you communicate kind of with

Starting point is 01:39:39 like this medium, but there's no way to email. You don't even know who's in the like, who the levels, the boss. You don't even know who's in the, like, who the levels, the boss, you don't even know who's making the choice. It's like, yes, it's this ambient sort of, you don't know. Because I've got a social media team, you know, they're great. But they're like, we know we have a guy at Instagram,

Starting point is 01:40:03 we'll get you verified, like right now. We have a guy at TikTok, we talk to, when I'm actually getting taken out all the time, and like, no, it should be okay because of this, but they have someone to deal with, that I can't believe YouTube doesn't have that. With all the, I mean, there's so much money coming through YouTube.

Starting point is 01:40:16 I know. That I can't believe Mr. Beast doesn't have a guy's number. I bet, now maybe at that level you do, you know? But yeah, maybe at our level, we don't, we have a contactor, but it's not there's never like you just get the verdict from the contact and that's the verdict. It's very like ancient Rome, it feels like, you know. And what was the reason they took it down? Oh, Rosanne had a joke. She said, I remember this, yeah, the Holocaust never happened, right? And she was being satirical, right? And, you know, she's also get it, you know, I think they didn't think she was,

Starting point is 01:40:50 so they didn't want to hear it, you know? And so they said that it gets taken down. And nobody said anything at first. And then there's like some of these like, Bader's online, they put the clip out and they're like, what about, you know, and that's when it built up stuff. But the only way we could communicate is through our, we have a contact there that works

Starting point is 01:41:09 with YouTube. But they never, there's never able to have a discussion. That's the strange part sometimes. And that's where I think you start to feel, you know, like, you aren't being heard or you don't have somebody to communicate with. I mean, I stopped doing that with comedy where I used to be like, here's why this joke is okay. You know, I mean, I know it's a,

Starting point is 01:41:29 I think it's about domestic violence, but if you look at the wording, no one's getting hit in this joke, this is joke is like referencing it, but it's for tension and it's always a losing battle. I've been arguing with sensors or something and now I just, if you, I can't do it, I can't do it. I'm fucking, I'm not gonna change it,

Starting point is 01:41:43 but I'll just get rid of it. So I'm not gonna sit here and have the argument of why this is okay. And now I just hope if you, I can't do it, I can't do it. I'm fucking, I'm not gonna change it, but I'll just get rid of it. So I'm not gonna sit here and have the argument of why this is okay. And now I just hope that people understand. Like I've got a lot of topics that I talk about that would get people in trouble, but I've gotten away with it. I don't know if it's reputation,

Starting point is 01:41:55 or people just know now that no, he did it in the right way. You got away with it. But like it goes back to what you're saying, there's a way to get away. Like, would you say, that we're getting you said? Art is getting away with it.

Starting point is 01:42:07 Yeah. Yeah, I think there was something about getting it. Yeah, I wanted to, for me, it was always, I wanted to say what I wanted to say. Let me suffer the consequences. But I want to say this. Was that the most trouble you've ever gotten? Was the Rosam thing?

Starting point is 01:42:26 Have you ever had like a... On social media, yeah. And then all the like different sites said stuff about it and I never replied any of it. And within 48 hours, completely gone. I remember asking Rogan about that once. It was like, remember when Joe Rogan was like, I think I'd vote for Bernie Sanders

Starting point is 01:42:42 and the fucking internet went crazy for like a week as a guy said he was gonna vote for. I was like, I think I vote for Bernie Sanders and the fucking internet went crazy for like a week as a guy said he was gonna vote for. And I was like, oh, I actually handled that because I turn my phone off and hung out with my kids for a couple of days. And then I turn it on and everything's fine. I'm like, oh, it's such a healthy way to do it. It's like, this is happening.

Starting point is 01:42:55 It's not real. Just turn it off and come back. Yeah, it's not really real. That's what it seemed like. Yeah, that's what it seemed like. That's what it seemed to me. When you're younger, you're like, oh, I fucked up. This is over now because I had some of those earlier on and now you're like, it's still made me mad. When you're younger, you're like, oh, I fucked up, this is over now, because I had some of those earlier on.

Starting point is 01:43:06 And now you're like, it's fun. Oh, yeah, I remember taking pills after something bad happened one time. I thought I was gonna die. I thought my life was over. Thought about moving back. You know, I thought everything was done. I still, I still make you mad

Starting point is 01:43:20 what happened in Bernie. Remember when they just raised his own party kind of railroaded him, you know? With Bernie, or with Bernie Sanders. Yeah. It was like just the fact that he was have a chance to run against. I don't remember who. I don't know if it was Obama's second term and he wanted to try and run against him. That must have been it.

Starting point is 01:43:35 I don't know if he ran against Obama's second term, but I know he ran against Hillary. He ran the first time. Right. He was trying to run against Hillary and he didn't get the nominate. Like a lot of people thought, oh, he'll get a chance to go against Hillary to see who gets it. And his party just kind of said no. Yeah, it was like, what? I don't get the politics of it.

Starting point is 01:43:54 I'm like, hey, let's all just back this person. Why don't you just vote for what you want and then see how it plays out. Not like let's talk beforehand. I wish that you know in Congress, they would one bill at a time. Like you can't just be like, here's a bill to try to get student aid and also homeless people.

Starting point is 01:44:08 It's like, do one at a time and do what makes sense. It's all totally fucked and maybe it has to be that way. I don't know. That's the thing, I don't know sometimes too. It's like, I don't know if that's just how the business it, you know, it's like, it's too much for me to know sometimes. Did you ever see, I watched a documentary and you're like, what are the happiest countries in the world?

Starting point is 01:44:24 Oh yeah, with rain, Wilson, was it? No. I don't know if I, I didn't watch that much of it to see who, but they had said the happiest country was like, I want to say Denmark, it was like someone in Scandinavia where they all live in like communal buildings and they eat their meals together and everyone's happy. And the least happy is Japan. Because they just like, they work their fucking asses off.

Starting point is 01:44:45 And the only break they get is when they throw themselves in front of a bullet train or some shit. But it's fucking, it seems brutal. Just the culture of it. Then maybe that's what, you know, American government has to be. I don't know what government is killing it out there. That's the way. The government's like, our system is so dope.

Starting point is 01:45:00 Like it's all, it's great, we kill it. That's the thing, it's like, you start to wonder, is this just house capitalism tails off? Like, is this how America kind of starts to tail off where everything, where big corporations seem like they own everything and own all of our attention span? And then at some point, somebody, you know, too many cities get like, there's too much crime and the scale tips and society starts to fucking, the fabric comes apart. I think, I mean, being, you know, almost 45 years old now, I feel like it's just a pendulum.

Starting point is 01:45:29 It's just, it's like, okay, we're going to get Obama and then it's just going to get real racist and then we're going to get like another and then it's going to, like, it's you're just going to get progressive and then swing back. Yeah. Like Trump is a direct response to Obama, you know, that, that I think is just going to keep going back and forth like that. Yeah, I think that's one thing. I mean, we had Robert Kennedy was on here and he's trying, he's a Democrat and he's trying

Starting point is 01:45:53 to, I think he's going to run as an independent now. And you almost, because you always heard that the independent, if they get a certain number of votes and they get a share of the pool, the money pool, did you ever hear that? No. Like there's like an advertised, like there's a amount of money that can budget that is divided up between the two parties. But if a third one gets 5%, I think, then they get part of the pool as well.

Starting point is 01:46:16 Like before the runoff, like if there's a, I don't know, sound like just a guy in a fucking bar. But if I would love to see there be a third operative, like I would just love for there to see something change up the status quo. Yeah, yeah, have an extra choice. Like tell us what your things are, and we'll figure out which one it is,

Starting point is 01:46:35 but it's, I don't know, I hate it. It feels like it's about a so corner though when there's only, you know, it just starts to feel like everything, there's so many strings going on in the distance of everything, you know? Yeah, there's so many strings going on in the distance of everything, you know? Yeah, it's not really a choice. Right, it's like we need somebody to come through

Starting point is 01:46:49 with the scissors. Man, you always come through with the scissors, man, with your comedy, dude. I just wanna thank you for being so entertaining, man. And thanks for just sitting in chat with me, man. Yeah, I'm happy this worked out. We were in town at the same time, but it's fun to finally be on the podcast.

Starting point is 01:47:02 Yeah, man, and to get to chat, well, you've never really talked that much before. This is the longest we've ever talked for sure. It is, cool, man. Thanks, Anthony. Thanks for having me. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone.

Starting point is 01:47:17 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life I found I can feed it In my bones, I thought it's gonna take

This Past Weekend - E466 Anthony Jeselnik

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