This Past Weekend - E480 Tim Dillon

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Tim Dillon is a stand-up comedian and host of the popular podcast “The Tim Dillon Show”. You can see him live on his “American Royalty Tour” happening now across the country.  Tim Dillon returns to This Past Weekend with a bang, chatting with Theo Von about the Doordasher vs. homeless crisis, squatting in million dollar houses, why Tim wants to run for Governor of California, who they think could actually handle being president, where Tim wants to spread his mom’s ashes, and a conspiracy involving Whitney Cummings and Indian acting sensation Deep Roy. Tim Dillon: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit  https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Download the Prize Picks app and use CODE: THEO. Prize Picks will match your deposit up to $100.  BetterHelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Tommy John: Go to http://tommyjohn.com/theo to get 20% off your first order.  Factor: Go to http://factormeals.com/theo50 and use code theo50 to get 50% off. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO for 20% off and free shipping! ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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ConnectsOntario.ca. Please play responsibly. I've got some remaining tour dates to tell you about. Tickets are currently remaining in State College, PA, February 7th, Amherst, Massachusetts, February 9th, Brisbane in the Australia on March 1, Sydney in the Australia on March 10th, Jackson, Mississippi March 26th, New Orleans, Louisiana March 29th and 30th right there before Easter, Atlanta, Georgia on April 4th. Get all your tickets at theo von.com slash to you are Today's guest is one of the funniest people I think that's ever lived

And it's a wild thing to say because I'm only just known of This period of time, but I'd go on to throw him on in there probably in the top 400 He is on his American royalty tour right now he has his own show the Tim Dillon show it's a podcast you can find it every week I'm just so grateful to get to the Man, he makes me laugh. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Tim Dillon. And I will find a song I've been singing I'm almost there Oh my god, I can't even try it well I don't know, sometimes I like, I just started doing it because like Can we see Tim Schott just so we have his idea of it so we can See himself too

If you can de-read my my face somehow that would be amazing I know that these things are hard to do did you get a procedure done or something no no it's just I just have like I have like a breakout today some days you just wake up and you have like a breakout but if you have any of the technology that James Cameron used in Avatar to de-read your face a little to just D read my nose. Yeah, we'll take something off of you any of the You do like plastic surgery there's gotta be some like a guy like I just know we just got scalpel we just got scalpel good I think that software technology should get to a point where like literally when someone sees you this go We're like literally when someone sees you, they should go.

You know, yeah, I agree. Yeah. I mean, the fact that we have to show up is crazy as ourselves. Oh, it's insane. And that's why the, um, yeah, that's what the metaverse is going to is going to slap. The kids would say. The simple fact that a one-legged person has to actually present themselves.

It's insane. They should just, yeah, cause you know online they have two legs. It's like, hey, how humiliating do you want this existence to be? Now I see why people are like Jacob Elordi 2006 on their handle, but they won't come to the door to get their door dash. No, because God only knows, I'll tell you this, man. Those door dash people see some shit. First of all, lest we forget the people that have had to go to people's homes, brother,

they have to go into the trenches of- Well, sometimes they get killed. Sometimes people kill them. Sometimes you have a burrito in your car and you're driving it to someone's house. And that is gonna be the last thing you do on this earth. The last thing you do is walk of soggy burrito to a guy's house. And instead of just taking the burrito and saying, thank you, he goes,

I'm going to kill you now. Yeah. And he then they kill you. They say, welcome to Memphis. Yeah. And the crazy thing is a lot of the people inside who know they're going to kill you. Yeah. As you're walking up, murders have gotten so advanced with like ambiance and production. Yes.

That they will even play. Yeah. There goes my hero. Right. From like a yard plant, speakers hidden in yard plants. Yeah. As you're about to go. And then you're laying there and you're bleeding out

and one of the last thoughts you have is this song is great. This is a great song. And I'm sad I won't be able to hear it anymore. It's the last thing I'm hearing. And then you see that burrito as you're bleeding out, you just look at it, just that burrito. It's a tough gig. A hand just comes in a frame and gets it.

Just grabs it. Yeah, it's a tough gig. The gig economy's tough. Well, you know, I've talked about this before. It's they want us to all just be gig, people who are doing gigs. Oh, for sure. They want us to be, it will eventually be the lords.

Right. And then everybody else will just be driving right like literally holding will all be uber drivers, right? And we'll be holding each other at gunpoint to be passengers like be my passenger now Well, yeah in the backseat subscribe to my daughter's only fans while you're back there, right? She's in the front seat with a light owner. Yeah. No, it's going to get to a point where there's going to be, I think, communities where no one leaves like really wealthy communities. And then people are just going to get so rich. These houses are getting so big. Everything they want is going to be in their house. Like, you're going to have the whole foods in the house. Yeah. It'll be a tinier whole foods, but it'll be in their house.

They go, I just have a grocery store in my home. I have everything I need in my home. We have a little doctor's office. They're gonna get to a point where you go to the doctor and they just take an elevator down in their house. To an urgent care. There's an urgent care, there's a nurse sitting there and the nurse's gonna hand you the paperwork

and you're gonna go, bitch, you're in my house. You know what I mean? And then she's gonna go, yeah, but it's like still one of those things we have to fill out. And you go's gonna go, yeah, but it's like still one of those things we have to fill out. And you go, all right, so you're filling out paperwork in your own house to get your ball looked at.

And that's how rich that's the level of rich where you're never gonna have to leave. Never, never gonna have to leave. And why should you have to leave? And I think then every now and then you you go you gamble online by ordering door dash just to see a someone come up from the depths, from the lower, from somebody climb out of a wishing well. Occasionally you'll go to an airport. That'll be the thing, like occasionally you'll go

to an airport and you'll go, God, cheat. And you're gonna see these people around you and they will have their pillows around their neck and they're drinking smoothies and stuff and some of them are asleep on a floor and you're gonna go, oh yeah, that's what life is for most of these people that don't have a doctor's office in their house.

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely getting alarming, man. People are sleeping, they had a family, they found, had, was sleeping in a wishing well. They had basically common tears, a wishing well somewhere, and a guy had built a two bedroom house with shovels, had two bedrooms out of wishing well,

and it was raising his children in it. Well, it's like all the Disney stories that we grew up with are now very disturbing, you know? Like this idea of like when you look back at all these stories, things like that, like living in a well, living in a wishing well, if you had read that story when you were like 10, you'd be like, that's the shit. Yeah, beautiful.

Like that's a beautiful moment that that family gets to live in that well and wish every day. Yeah. And then you realize now it's just a place people throw cigarettes into. It's a real horrible place, you know? You're just getting cigarettes and like.

Recyclables, people. Yeah, old furniture. Yeah, just a homeless guy yells into it every night when you're trying to sleep. Just undecipherable yelling for 20 minutes. People just throwing used clothing, just throwing old LaCoste shirts down there. So it's not like the, you think it's like a family

with a little lantern and it's like tonight it's time to wish, but it's not that. It's homeless people screaming, if you come up, I'm gonna get, you know, it's tough. Also, people don't wanna talk about the real turf war that's going on, Tim, and that is between door dashers and the homeless. Well, because if you're homeless,

if I see a DoorDasher, I'm seeing an opportunity. That's all it is. That's all it is. If I, by the way, DoorDashers now are, they don't let it be known they're a DoorDasher. They are stealth. Like food delivery people are stealth. They'll dress up like postal workers, vampires.

I'm seeing a vampire. You don't even know who they are. They're in a costume. They'll dress up like postal workers, vampires. I'm seeing a vampire. You don't even know who they are. They're in a costume. They're in a truck. I see somebody just wandering like this. Sometimes they have their friend with them as a lookout. Have you seen that? There's a little bit, be a guy in a front seat of the car

and then his chick will be just kind of looking out, just making sure like nobody comes and kills him. How crazy that door dashers. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I mean, and they are also carrying messages. Here's the thing, I don't feel bad for any of them. Yeah. Because I don't know anyone who does it. And I do believe anybody who's doing door dash is like,

you know, in India, they have a cast of people called the untouchables. Do they really? Yes, you just can't fuck with them. You can't go near them, you see them and you look away. That is kind of, don't make a fence to this. But it is when I encounter a food delivery person in the wild, I look away. I will look away. Tim, you don't feel like you're one of them?

A food delivery person? No. I just, there's so many other jobs. I just feel like if you're delivering DoorDash, I just inherently, here's the thing, I love them as a person, they're a child of God, but they're in so much pain. A lot of times you can see they're in pain.

I can't see. They're just listening to Scott's step usually. I don't feel like- I think some of them are in pain. They're just, it's tough, it's a hard, I just, it's hard for me to see and look at. It's just hard for me to look at. Well, we make them, the saddest part is

we make them drive too. It's like, they're a victim to gas prices, at least in other countries, they like door dashers will be on motorcycles, or they'll just be throwing the food so someone who's further down the street. New York City is actually cool. Because many of them are Asian,

and they're on a tiny little bike, and it's fun. And they're having a great time, and they're actually seeing how fast they like. Yeah. Seeing how fast they can get it to you. Oh, there's a dark web of that they are all on the way they get points in their little. Yeah. They like seeing how and many of them are risking their life with ramen on their back to get it to you. They're risking your life so that an NYU student can eat that ramen piping hot.

You're getting it so hot, but in LA, maybe I should qualify my statement. It's only door dashes in LA. Because they're all people that wanna be like actors or screenwriters, they're lazy, the food's cold, you barely get it, that's my issue here. It's not, I don't wanna malign all the food delivery people. In Los Angeles, I've noticed a problem.

Sometimes they'll just steal the food. They just take the food. Yeah, some of them are just looking to get a meal because you can apply online. Yeah. You can be working for DoorDash in six minutes or less. That's one of their big things. Yeah.

In six minutes. That's not a good idea. Yeah, it's a horrible idea. It's a horrible idea. Become a DoorDash delivery guy. In six minutes. Yeah, you can be a DoorDash delivery guy. In six minutes? Yeah, you can be like a DoorDash delivery guy

in six minutes, like, or in a very small amount of time. I'm not sure what it is, but, and they call you an independent contractor. But yeah, next thing you know, you can have a food in 40 minutes, you can be picking up food from somewhere that you can just eat. Yeah, I mean, I've had some issues with them.

Have you? Well, I actually, DoorDash now, I think it's pretty good. It's the one that I use. What? I thought you just said all this shit. Well, no, they are, they're bad, but they're all bad. Like Postmates is, they're all different kinds of bad. Yeah.

Postmates is bad. Uber, Uber Eats, I just feel like it's a monob. I don't want to be involved. Uber Eats is disgusting. I don't want to be involved with people that are double dipping. Yeah, I agree. It's sick. It's sick.

But to me, it's like DoorDash, even though it's evil, it's the lesser of all the evils. Yeah. Or you could leave your house, but that's terrifying. To go and like the process of getting. Oh, to go into the world. Yeah. It's crazy.

And to go eat. So like, well, like David Spade still eats at McDonald's. You know, he's basically, he's like the Ulysses S Grant of our time. I feel like like he goes, he's on the front line. He is the Ulysses S Grant. He will go sit in there. Yeah.

Dine. He'll battle. He has an amazing story about battling a homeless guy for a series of nuggets that he had ordered. Well, that's probably what keeps a guy like that who's so successful and so beloved. It's what keeps him grounded. Like once a week, he goes,

I've had this legendary career, but he's like once a week, let me go and get him a griddle and see if I can make it out. And if he can make it out with a griddle, he's like, all right, it's just, we all need a little friction in our life. Like this is for you, Farley.

Yeah, this is for you. And he goes in, you know? It's just, he's like Adam Sandler's on a spaceship somewhere, you know, like writing movies from a space station. And David Spade's like, let me just go into the La Cienega McDonald's and just see if I can get out today with a McFlurry. Get into my car.

Dude, there's a, yeah, I, there's a promoter, this guy who's a promoter, promoted a bunch of like Midwestern tour dates. He double booked features and stuff. You'd show up, you'd drive through the snow to pay the wins in like Midland Iowa or something. You'd get there, he'd have four other fucking features, you know, and it would be close, it was just fucking. It's a nightmare. Oh, it was unbelievable. And he would always trade tickets for everything.

You'd go to eat with him, he'd be like, let's go to lunch, and then he would try to pay with tickets and you'd feel so fucking embarrassed. He's like, I can afford, then you'd end up having to pay for him a lot of times. It was, this guy was just like. With tickets at Carnival? Like tickets to the comedy show.

Cause he was also a feature opener. Gotcha. He did 10 minutes about being just, he did, he did 10 minutes up top. But one time he had two milkshakes, right? And a couple of, he had a couple of sisters that were fighting each other near a Honda Civic. Okay.

Right. Which is, that's most of the Midwest, right? That's probably a lot of it. Yeah. The whole state of Missouri Honda Civic with two sisters, maybe hefty, maybe not. I mean, definitely like you quit. You wouldn't put more than three of them in a, in a Camry probably get tight.

So, but they were, they were talking shit outside in a parkingry probably. It would get tight. It would get in there, right? So, but they were talking shit outside in a parking lot. So, he's like, I'm gonna be a good Samaritan. I'm gonna walk over there with two milkshakes, right? So, he goes over. Cause I think in some cultures, if you milkshake a sister, it's like, it just like- It's beautiful.

It goes a long way. So, he gets over there and they did not want anything to do with him. And they literally started beating the shit. They lit him up for that? They lit him up. Dude, that's fucked up. They lit him up for just coming with milkshakes?

And he was such a, he'd never let go of the shakes. Right. So this guy took all the abuse and down on his knees and he still has the shakes in there. Like Christ on the cross with a shake on each. Yeah. Gary, that was shake on each. Yeah. Gary, that was his name too. And we can take his name out if we want, but that too he was, man.

He was, yeah, he'd invite you to go to a show in the middle of Lake of the Ozarks. One time I went to it, it was nowhere. Yeah, it's the guys, yeah. It was just a couple dudes at a fucking water fountain, you know? I used to do shows with this guy. He was like a preacher and he was a recovering addict.

Oh, of course. And he had one hand, like one arm. Like he had a fake arm, but this was before like there were good prosthetics, you know, so it was like, I'm not even kidding, kind of like a Halloween arm. Oh yeah, you could get the Knicks an arm or whatever. Yeah, it only had one and it was like the coach arm

Like he was giving this me who was always just like this no matter what was going on He'd be like talking and then you just had this like a Halloween arm It wasn't good and and he would leave it on the sink in the bathroom Uh-huh, and you would just walk into the green room and then you'd be taking a pastor be an arm Yeah, just an arm and then he'd like Fasten on and one of his bits is he just took it off and the crowd will go nuts. He'd like put it back on. It was a dark time in the beginning of comedy, you know. And then he would tell people he like, he'll go, I'm a veteran. He didn't lose his arm in any type

of veteran activity. Yeah. But he would say I'm a veteran and they would be like, Oh, thank you for your service. But he never went, you know, he just, I mean, he served, but he never served an active. No, yeah. But he had like a fake arm. And then he would get on airplanes and he'd go, I should sit in first class and be a veteran.

And then the woman would go, yeah, but that's not how it works. We're sorry you have an economy ticket. And he'd go, I'm a veteran, I serve this country. And he would with the hand, he'd be like, I served this country. She's like, you have to go to economy, sir. And then sometimes like part of the plane would side with him. Like they'd look at her and they'd be like, you're disgusting.

But he was just an ex crackhead who lost his arm because he was on crack and gotten like a horrible accident in his car. Yeah, there's not enough differential these days amongst the PTSD community. I've said it a lot. I don't wanna hear that word unless you're in a war. Yeah.

I don't wanna hear about PTSD. I don't wanna hear that you're taking, you don't need to take ayahuasca all the time. Like a lot of these people now just take ayahuasca. I just came from a ceremony. Yeah, but I mean, it's okay every now and then, but people are like overboard. Oh, people are doing it too much.

It's overboard. It's like the Incans did not come up with ayahuasca, so you could try to figure out how to get a Range Rover. There's no way that that was the intended purpose of ayahuasca. It's a religion. They used to give it to kids before they sacrificed them and killed them.

And now, and if you're a shaman, his name Jennifer, and she lives in Studio City, it's not a shaman. You can't follow around a white bitch in Santa Fe, New Mexico. You're just a junkie at that point. You're a junkie. If you're throwing up into a bucket in Santa Fe, New Mexico with a whitefish named Jennifer, you can't do ketamine every week. There's people showing up, they're going into the valley in LA. They're sitting in a lazy boy, somebody who's not even a nurse,

but who's dressed in the scrubs. Yeah. You don't even know who nurses anymore, because they're just dressed in those scrubs. But that's somebody that was door dashing a week ago. And now they injecting you with ketamine and you're laying in a chair. It's just high. You were drug addict. It's not, they go people go, I do it. I do ketamine, but under the care of a doctor. Yeah.

That's not a doctor. That's not a doctor. Yeah. Somebody that's watching Amazon prime on their phone or listening to the salt burn soundtrack while you're sitting there, geeked out in a lazy boy in a lazy boy and then they're like, hey, did that help with your PTSD? They're like, what war were you in? You go, no, I wasn't in any war.

I just, you know, I had a stressful career as a gymnast. I never made it to the Olympic trials, but like my parents were real hard on me as a gymnast. So I got to come in here and get high once a week. Yeah, we were forced to wear tight turtlenecks at our private school. It was real tough, you know? I sprained the hamstring once, and my family was like, all right, well, your life's over.

So now I gotta get high in a strip mall once a week. It's like, this may be not good. RIP Matthew Perry, sorry. Yeah, RIP, man. And it's just where we are. It really is, man. It's like, we're at the point where people are going to be holding each other.

At gunpoint. Yeah to subscribe to the only fans are to get in the Uber or the technology will be the new drugs. I think to as technology gets better, it will take the place of drugs. So when the metaverse gets so crazy that you can throw the goggles on, you're gonna go, I don't need ayahuasca. Yeah. Cause I'm, I'm in the thing. I, you've created the digital world that I can live in. I don't need ketamine. I'm, I'm whoever I want to be in the digital world.

Right. Like we were talking before the show started, somebody with one leg in the digital world has two legs and is running. Yeah. Through a park. And is running through a park. Is running for office. Is running for office in San Francisco. And is running through a park and is running for office. Is running for office in San Francisco.

And it's just no homeless there under digital world. It's just beautiful. It's just the painted ladies, those houses from the, or that, Oh, from a full house? Full house. You're just running through that park. There's no heroin addicts, nothing.

It's just you and your dog running through the park. But in real life, you're one legged person living in a horrible situation. This episode is sponsored by PrizePix. Yep, if you like firing on sports, then PrizePix is the app for you. You can fire on all your favorite sports like NFL NBA UFC and more

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I've got on a pair right now and I feel just dang cozy. I'll say it Shop Tommy John and get 20% off your first order right now at Tommy John com slash ThEO that's right save 20% for a limited time at Tommy John com Slash Theo Tommy John com slash ThEO see site for details TommyJohn.com slash T-H-E-O. See site for details. Tim Dillon, good to see you, man. Yes, thanks for having me.

We haven't seen each other in a while. We haven't seen each other in a while. You're killing it, you're all over the place. I see you. You are. I see you, I'm like, this is amazing. You're the funniest guy, people love you so much, man. That's very sweet of you to say. Did you ever like, what was I gonna ask you?

I just got back from, I just saw the line of fires, man. Ooh, I just got back from there. I like a good fire, you know? This was, that was- No, here's the thing, I don't want anyone to die, or anyone to be hurt. This wouldn't be your space. And I don't want anyone to lose their property.

Right. But I just like a nice- Crisp. I like a control burn. Oh, yeah. I like a control burn. I think you go in there. I like a control burn. Oh, I like a control burn. I think you go in there, you do a control burn. Everybody goes to the hilltop, kinda watch it. And then.

And you go down and rebuild together. And then you go down and rebuild. You need to do that to thin out the forest. Otherwise, if they get overgrown, this is what happens. Yeah. I wanted to go scout on my mother's ashes in Hawaii Because she died and she loved Hawaii. Did she really? Yeah, but it was a week after that I thought it would be in poor taste to come in with to earn. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, you can't bring sand to the beach. I just don't want to come in with to earn

I'm just with ashes. Just kind of just kind of flinging them or the urns as some black people call it kind of just kind of flinging them or the urns. As some black people call it, right? Yeah. That's not what I didn't want to do it, but I, I, my mother did love Hawaii, but I was like, you know what? She won't know the difference. If I go down to Florida, just kind of, you know what I mean? Oh yeah.

The ocean's the ocean. Well, she won't know the difference if you get one of those little, uh, Japanese sand gardens and just dump her in the middle. That's what we're going to do. I'm actually just going to throw an East River in New York. Water eventually finds other water. I think that East River will eventually find Hawaii. I think that's the way water works.

It has to be. Look, just throw her in the Hudson. Bobby Kennedy Jr. will clean it up. He'll figure it out. Him and his wife will figure it out. I love them. They're a fun couple. I just went to his 70th birthday.

They are amazing. She's amazing. Two nights ago. She's so funny. The best thing about being around them is when she's around too, there's this whole level of like comedy that's around it all.

Yes. It's a fun sitcom where she's like a fun, bubbly, sunny person and the CIA killed his whole family. And it's just like a fun and it's like hilarity ensues. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he's like looking for bombs in a car and she's playing tennis.

It's a fun mix. They're an odd couple. Come and knock on our door. Come and knock on our door. This could be our last day. Because they've killed all of his dad, his uncle. And people are like, why is this guy so skeptical about stuff? Are you out of your mind?

No, it's crazy. People are like, why doesn't he trust the government to inject us with the right chemicals? It's like they killed. It probably got so non-eventful that they would just open his door when he was a kid and go They just killed someone else and he'd go Whatever. Yeah, did he even get upset after the third or the fourth one? It was probably like yeah, we get it

Yeah, you at the after that you got to be able to just bet on who it's gonna happen to on prize Yeah, and they would just come to him and be like hey So your nephew just flew into a mountain we think we don even know. We think your cousin was eaten by a shark, but while she was skiing, they didn't even make sense. They're like, she was eaten by a shark on the slopes and he'd have to just take it. He'd have to go, yeah, man, that's what happens when sharks get in the mountains, it's fucked up.

Yeah, she fell through a pothole in her imagination. Yeah, none of it made sense. There was like, there was one shooter who shot your father 18 times, but that shooter was blind. Yeah, he was blind. Blind man, he shot your father in a hotel kitchen. This is so sad.

It's crazy. Have you been to the place, the place where the shooting happened? I have not. Bro lean you would have to Actually crazy you would have to lean out of a window Yeah, JFK. I was at that. Yeah, that is facing kind of the other way you'd have to lean out of this window You would have to have a friend. Yeah, hold your leg While you lean out of a window. Yeah At some point in that someone would go,

man, this is not a good idea. We should do it another way. There's like this. There's no way this works. It was impossible to do. It was unbelievable. It was tough. But he's, for all that, he's like a remarkably well-adjusted guy.

I agree. I feel like he is. I really feel like he's the best choice. Agreed. By the way, agreed. Yeah. he is, I really feel like he's the best choice. Agreed. By the way, agreed. Yeah. As a human being that's gonna,

whether he's right or wrong about it, I would rather that someone cares and gives a fuck about whatever's going on. The guy cares that they're injecting, could be injecting trash into people. 100%. Yeah. And the whole thing is like like what I like about him

is that he like, he's, he's on, he doesn't care. Right. He has nothing to lose. They've taken everything from him. They've taken everything from him. He took his father. He's going, this is my truth. Right. There would be a lot more money in it if he just like went along with the rest of the thing. Yeah. If he just say, it res reply to an email from Chuck Schumer, right? He could be like like he'd have a lot easier time if he just went along with everybody else But that's what I think is it so yeah, I agree. It's just that he's not beholding to anybody. No, he's not beholding to anybody That's do kind of what he wants. Do you think there's any path? Because I don't know if they'll let him on a lot of the ballots

Are they letting him? He's hard. It's hard. I think that there's rules to keep them off certain ballots They want him to pay for his own thing like crazy though. It's crazy, but they're trying to like Yeah, I mean like They're just trying to close ranks around Biden they don't want Yeah, they're really protecting Biden. A lot of these lawyers are, uh, by the way, you know, Biden, it's gotten to a point where it's almost a little

fun now for the people around him. Cause it is like a weekend at Bernie's. Yeah. It is kind of fun because he's like essentially just almost at the death store and they're all now like, we're all in this together. Oh, he's like death. It's death. They're in it together now. So it's all now like, we're all in this together. Oh, he's like death dash. It's death dash. They're in it together now. So it's kind of like, we can't get out. It's kind of fun like late nights, just propping them up, like playing with them like a puppet and going like, we're just going to put them out on the debate stage,

like giving them good drugs, injecting them. Like the injections that Biden gets before the first debate, it will be nothing you've ever heard. Like teams of people, you ever see the scene in ET where they put a tent around and they won't let anyone near it before Biden walks on that debate stage. There's going to be an ET like tent and just people in hazmat suits are going to go in and just start

injecting with things. And then he just got to walk out like a regular person. And then you're going to go, oh, there's shit. We have no idea. Oh, he's going gonna have a dip in in his cute children's hair. Yeah, he's gonna just start boxing. Like, he's gonna come out.

They're gonna be like, they'll start like throwing hands. They'll be like, there are drugs we've never heard. Like, there's technology we've never heard of. There are drugs we've never heard. Oh, they're gonna be pumping. They're gonna be playing TI. They're gonna be doing anything. They're gonna be like've never heard. Oh, they're going to be pumping. They're going to be playing TI. They're going to be doing anything.

They're going to be like, they'll be say, have a Ouija board channeling corn pop from the fucking swimming pool. They're going to be, can you imagine like doing debate prep with him? How nervous they're going to be? They're going to be sitting there and then going to be like, okay, and then they're going to call like the people and like the deep state and stuff.

They're going to go, we got a, we got a really up, up to dose here. We're not I mean like he's not responding to the regular stimuli Really get in here with some like really intense because he just left the room We just asked him a question. He just walked out of the room He doesn't know where he is so like we got to like play around with a cocktail of things to just get him to a point where he stands at the pot. Put him on the AIDS meds. They're going to have him on everything you can be on.

Dude, he is. The crazy thing is they're going to have it. So he's going to be on AIDS meds. They'll have him on everything. Kind of mean. Imagine the scripts will be practicing with him the week before. Oh my God. Probably it'll just be monologues from famous movies

Oh my god, it's gonna be things Tony Soprano said They're like if you forget just give this speech that Tony Soprano gave to Anthony about World War two Just if that's the closest you can get to this question read this scene From the Sopranos where Tony talked about the importance of Italian Americans during World War II. It's gonna be, dude, he's gonna be reading monologues from the movie Hoosiers whenever Gene Hackman

tried to get Jimmy Shitwood to run the picket fence. It's gonna be unbelievable. By the way, that first debate I will be watching, just like there's nothing more entertaining than that, it's the Super Bowl for someone like me to just watch that go down. It's old versus orange, baby. It's old versus orange and it's just they're both wild,

like Trump's gonna be just popping off. Cause now Trump's also four years older. He doesn't even care anymore. And who's more likely to even say the N word now? It's different reasons because one could just bubble out of fucking up Biden or Trump could just fire one off that he earned back in the day. The presidential candidate said the end of the debate. Well, if they did at the same time, I think it's what we all want to hear.

Yeah. But if they don't, they just both said it at the exact same time. Then it would just be a reset. Then the country, like at that point, if they, if Trump, the Biden say the N word at the same time in that debate, the Israelis and the Palestinians just going to look at each other and start embracing. Yeah. They'll hug because that's what we need. Oh, it's exactly what we need. The fact that, um, but if, if, if, if Bobby Kennedy Jr. was out there and got to debate either one of them,

I think he would crush him. Bobby Kennedy Jr., I think, would absolutely wreak havoc in a debate. He should be out there. Why can't he debate? He's an independent candidate, right? They just, these big parties, try to keep everybody out because people try to get in there. Like, you know

what I mean? Like people try to get in there. Like people just like, I think Ben Glee was trying to like run for breath. So they just try to keep people out because it could get real wild. You know, like the third party candidates could kind of get wild. Oh, definitely. You know, like you'd have a bunch of dick you'd have like one of the real housewives You have an oldie fans model on it some only fans model would get out there. We DC Yeah, for the real housewife she'd get out there, you know, it's so like you you did Charleston white probably would be out there hopefully Jeepers huh wow it looks like the fuck is literally reminds me of,

oh, like the Muppets went to fucking make up. Yeah. But that's the problem. So like, here's the thing, like, as much as I don't think it's fair that they're keeping Bobby Kennedy out, they do need to keep certain people out. Right. Because it would just be a waste of time.

Yeah, Glee ran in 2020. How did he do? I don't know. Yeah, how did he do? Do we do? It was there? I don't know. It's such a brave thing to do. Is it? That's a good question. What does brave mean? I don't know. I think it's brave if you get to a certain level. Right. But if most people don't know you did it, right? It's not that brave. Right. It's not. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't successful. I wonder if it comes brave like Bobby Kennedy's brave. Yeah. I mean, every single person that he knows, the government says died from a headache.

Yeah. People are shocked. Like, Hey, why is this guy curious about these government mandated medications? They're like, this guy should just trust his government. What's wrong with him? guy should just trust his government. What's wrong with him? He won't trust his government. By the way, your aunt died. She was struck by lightning eight times in her car. Anyway, moving on. So, you know, I don't know, man, I just,

I'd like to maybe run for the governor of California, try to clean it up. Wow. Where would you start? We just had a homeless guy just through a bird scooter through one of our producers, girlfriend's windows. I'm against that, are you? So that's my first thing.

No, I'm against it. It's getting crazy. Dude, there's a bunch of, and I told this story before, some of the homeless or outdoorsmen or whatever, like new Native Americans, what some people are calling them. Yeah, that's interesting. How do the old Native Americans feel about that? Well, I don't think they should feel good about it.

And I would love to see them rise up and attack. The homo, yeah, I think that's probably, and just for YouTube, we wanna be very careful. We're not going for that. All right, I would like to see them rise up and challenge. Challenge in an American Ninja Warrior way. We're kind of be like, but my thing is I think with California You just got to get the wine people up north and like Napa Valley you got to get them involved because I think that's like where the power

lies in the wine community because it's a lot of like rich white drunks and That's like we're all that that big that power is up there and I would just try to get them to just kind of like focus. Right, Merlove. Yeah, you gotta take the want because they're all just, that's a problem with this state is that they're all like, by 3 p.m. they're hammered. One Merlove, that could be your campaign.

Right, one Merlove. By 3 p.m. all these people are just drunk and you keep trying to explain to them, you're like, there's people throwing bird scooters. And they're like, get out of here. They're just hammered. And they're just drinking wine, they're eating cheese. And they're living in a beautiful area.

And they're like, in your tell-em-all these stories, they go, a woman gave birth in an El Pollo loco. And they're going, get out of here. And they're just getting half. So I think we gotta just focus them. Yeah, like I think they definitely are, it's definitely the rich looking down being like, oh, what are they up to today?

They'll ask someone. That's right. They'll ask a door-dash, hey, what are people doing down there? Yeah, they'll go, what's going on? And then like halfway through the answer, they check out because they can't handle it. They go, wait a minute, what?

They go, yeah, you know Von supermarket? There was a guy fucking the meat, and they go, get out of here, man. Can't handle this. I'm just trying to get drunk at 4 p.m. Yeah, come on, brother. Can you see how rich I am? I'm just trying to get drunk enough to look my son in the eye

for a conversation. See, I'm trying to get drunk enough to breastfeed my own child. Yeah, it's a problem with how rich people are here in California. It's too rich. Well, here's one of the problems. It's really true is people are so rich that they're, they start to look at their time by the value of an hour. That's a great point.

And they're like, if I spend six minutes talking to this doordash human, alleged human, that God has said is human. That's right. Well, then that's that's $700 I'm losing That level of rich you can kind of just like you shrug off an amazing amount of stuff Yeah, like they go how bad is it really? You know and there's somebody go they go

There's like 300,000 people on the street and they go It's 300,000 a lot on the street and they go, it's 300,000 a lot. Because that even, is that a lot? They go because the world has like billions of people. So we're talking about only 300,000 people that home on the street in India. That would just be a natural afternoon. Yeah, they're like, that's fine.

They go, I don't think that's a problem. And now things are getting so bad. If you try to tell a rich person that bad, it's getting like somebody's really rich. They act like you're making something up. Yeah, like there was a guy last night And I was driving on Santa Monica in West Hollywood at West Hollywood And he was just running darting because they dart across like the street What's risky for them and they just dart across the street and he had a skateboard with no wheels

He just had the board. Oh, yeah, and I didn't understand what that was and he just any he had a skateboard with no wheels. He just had the board. And I didn't understand what that was. And he just, he had it. And then he just in the middle of my car just stopped and looked at me, like hit me. And I was just like, I don't wanna, I'm not trying to hit, you know? People looking for accidents. It's people that were just like kind of like,

I don't know what it was. He was like a deer in headlights. I was like, God, and I just swear around him. But it's like people just mentally aren't together and they need help. Someone needs to help them. They're people are missing their wheels. They don't have their wheels

and someone needs to like step in there and help and like go like, hey man, what's going on? But the only people that they're encountering for any sort of guidance are doordash people. It's doordish, but here's the thing with do-ash people. It's door-to-ash people. But here's the thing with door-to-ash people. And by the way, earlier on I said, you weren't human beings, by guns.

Let's forget that. Yeah, that was crazy. Because here's what I meant by that. We need you now more than ever. Amen. Because what you need to do is rise up. You were the therapist of our nation. You were the therapist of the homeless people.

If there's somebody that is homeless and is having a problem on the corner, you need to put the ramen down, put the ramen down and go address the problem. What's going on, sir? I am a door dash professional. Yes. I'm a licensed, licensed, professional, clinical delivery service professional. license, professional, delivery service, professional.

Can I assist that this person is going to be yelling and pointing at something that isn't there. Visibly. Yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be pointing at something that in this dimension you cannot see. So you're just going to have to like bear with them, bear with them. It's not going to happen. First question you go, are you on any medications right now? Have you taken any drugs?

None of that's ever a non-threatening way. 100% yeah. And then you're gonna need to, you will be equipped with markers and paper. You're gonna need to get these people to draw a picture of what's happening. Of what's happening in a separate picture to calm them down of their ancestors.

No, for sure. And here's the thing. We need to give the homeless people service animals, but service animals that are a little husky that can take because it could get, they need a lot of love and some of the homeless people. So we need to go out there with like maybe pop belly, like pigs, wild hogs. I mean, yeah, some that can, can really really, some has a little girth to it. Animals that got disqualified from the I did around.

Not cute puppies. Nothing. We need chow's. We need Asian animals that are handle this. Kind of tough that could slap him around. That'll be quiet and court. That can, if they start to can fight it back. You need so that the homeless person learns to respect you.

Yeah. You need an animal that will be quiet and court. Yeah. You need an animal that lays down the law immediately with the homeless person goes I will be your emotional support thing, but if you touch me like that again, I'll cut your I'll kill you Yeah, I will choke you out and kill you so sometimes a little kangaroo bears might be good in Australia The ones that are in the trees and like things like that where they just you don't think of them as emotional support animals But they have but they know they can do it. They can do it, but they're also tough enough when the homeless person throws a fit

They're able to literally pull them down and lay on top of them. We need animals gorillas We need to give homeless people in LA silverback gorilla emotional support so that if they start going nuts outside of a Starbucks and it just we should normalize us normalizing a gorilla sitting on a homeless guy outside of a Starbucks and you just nod at that gorilla like thank you I know exactly what you're doing. SBGs they're called okay they don't like to be referred to as their full name, but silverback gorillas They need to be out there because here's the problem for a long time Starbucks and some of these other big overlords is like to call them now corporate overlords overlords They hired like down syndrome workers, but that's nice, which is great, but it's not they don't have the level of

That's nice. Which is great, but it's not, they don't have the level of Jiu Jitsu. No, they can. That a SBG. A Down syndrome worker is in a, it's gotta be a nice environment, like a upper middle class, nice. Like a vineyard vine.

Like a vineyard vine's environment and because then it's all nice. If somebody takes a little time, like I let, there's a Down syndrome coffee shop in Georgetown in Washington, DC. Mm-hmm. And like the CIA people go in there and they're real nice to them. Mm-hmm.

You know, they're like, good day. Thank you. And then they go, you know, wherever they're doing, do horrible things maybe. But the Down syndrome people, they're really sweet. Right. They're real sweet. Um, but no, we do need some, because it can't be,

these social workers aren't equipped. They're not equipped anymore. And they don't want to do it. And they've also given up a lot of them are just creating profiles, social profiles. A lot of social workers are also doing only fan. So they get clients confused. You'll have a therapist log on to his Zoom

and just start showing their butt hole. Yeah. And it's like what is this? Because the last thing a homeless person wants to find out is like, can you imagine that? You're homeless, you got the big cape. Yeah. And there's a guy in Tribeca where I spent some time,

sometimes has a big cape. Oh, so the government bought it for him? Yeah, he has like that big furry cape. Oh yeah. And he's like kind of badazzling. Kind of like they do their Faberge eggs. He's kind of like a Game of Thrones guy. He's in the winter.

He's kind of, it's not a bad look. It's kind of like a statue. But then like, you know, he's always kind of rapping to himself. He's in the winter. He's kind of, it's not a bad look. It's kind of like a statue. But then like, you know, he's always kind of rapping to himself. He's always got his head fronted. He's kind of doing that. It's back and forth. Yeah, exactly. And then his social worker comes over,

he's like, hey, what's going on? And then if he's like, bitch, aren't you? Any points to her photo on Onlyfans, immediately she has no credibility. Aren't you chatty pussy 30? You're right. You have no credibility. I'm watching you right now. pussy 30? You're right. You have no credibility. I'm watching you right now.

Yeah. I'm watching you right now, finger yourself. So yeah. And then you come to me and you ask me what's wrong. I could ask you the same question. What is wrong? So that's where it's gonna be. It's gonna be homeless, only fans,

social workers chatting with Dord- Dord- Dord- Professional. Professional. Clinical Dord door dash psychiatric professionals. And then we need highly trained SPGs over back gorilla so that they know when it is and isn't appropriate to step in and calm a homeless person down by sitting on them outside of a five guys. Yeah.

And that is our, that's not a bad idea. And that is our, that's not a bad idea. That's our campaign, brother. Not a horrible idea. They had what was, what is that the coffee shop with the Down syndrome people? It's called Biddy and Bose, I believe. Something go there.

It's really nice. And I like to go back and forth with them in a way, in a nice way. There we go. Biddy and Bose. Yeah. Human rights movement disguised as a coffee, in a nice way. There we go. Biddy and Bose, yeah. Human rights movement disguised as a coffee shop. Yeah. It's nice, man.

I go in there and I go, what's good today? Yeah. Do you like this? You know, and here's the thing, man. All Down syndrome people want to do is work for 11 or 12 hours a day. I know. They want to engage people.

They want to work. Well, they're also... And they want that human connection. Oh, what's funny is there more. And then there's people in there that don't have Down syndrome and they're very lazy. Oh yeah. There's a lot of people in there.

There's a lot of DSIs. It's like Down syndrome imposters. Yeah. Where there's people that will go in there literally put freckles on, right? This makes me nervous because everybody has Down syndrome. Not everybody. Okay, there's a few others. It's almost like

Somebody needs to there's gotta be one person. It's like where's Waldo kind of it is like But I think there's there are also lazy people Who consider themselves lobbyists DC I love how if you're out of work in DC, you're a lobbyist and they will go in and they will put freckles on and they will. How lazy do you have to be to be in a coffee shop and look at a down syndrome person and go,

can you get that? It's unbelievable. Like you're an employee and you go to somebody with down syndrome and you go, by the way, I'm stepping out. I'm taking a break. What? I'm taking a break. You got this, right? Like it's gotta be, you go, by the way, I'm stepping out. I'm taking a break. What? I'm taking a break.

You got this, right? Like, it's gotta be, you gotta really check what your life's at. If you're going to somebody with Down syndrome, and you're going, I gotta take off tomorrow. Yeah. I can't be here. Can't you handle this?

It's just where, the fact that people are like, are we at the end of times? We are, we have, Down syndrome people are happy. They're working. We can't even do that. No. Without crying online.

Taking catamines. Dying our hair, taking one of our eyes out of our head. Some guy took his eye out of his head the other day for no reason. And that's crazy. Well, it's just, it's like. It's a lot. It's a lot. When you're taking your eye out. Yeah, and crazy. Well, it's just it's like it's a lot. It's a lot. When

you're taking your eye out. Yeah. And they were like, what the f... Because by the way, no one cares. It's one of those things you do and no one cares. You think it's gonna have a big... You think it's gonna be a big moment. Yeah. And it's nothing. I have two friends and their wives have, each of them has one eye. Oh, wow. Because one of them had a thing and another one had a thing. They just, they just each don't have an eye. A lot of perverts. Everybody's perverted. Yeah.

No one, no one, no one even, it's not even a big deal. Well, nobody cares anymore. It's like, unless you're willing to really take your fucking limbs off. That's right. And put them in your own ass. Yeah. You got to do something with those. You got to fucking what just happened in the news.

Wasn't there something we were looking at earlier, Nick? Oh, a man arrested for fake and heart attack in over 20 restaurants. I respect this. I respect this nowadays because at least this guy is, even, it used to be this, you did a slip and fall in a Walmart or whatever, you got 25,000 and then you raised a son or whatever.

But now, at least this guy, a 50 year old from Lithuania was recently arrested in Spain. At least he's willing to travel and see the world after allegedly faking heart attacks at several restaurants in order to avoid paying the bill. What's great about this to me is that this guy, is basically going out there and he knows one of them is going to be real.

Yeah. Like he knows. Oh, he's playing. Is it to live by the sword, die by the sword? You know what I mean? Like, it's the classic boy who cried wolf. Like, he goes one of these days, it's going to be real, but he's like, not today. Yeah. Like he walks it off.

There's only so many times you can try to teach your A-orders to talk and then finally they fucking yell. Cause when you fake a heart attack, that's gotta be a lot. But your heart's like, hey, what's going, maybe I should learn this. Right, so eventually it's just gonna be a real one. But I love that this guy's willing to put in work. This is what you're gonna have to do now

to entertain the lords, the insurance lords. Yes, you're gonna have to do it. What did the guy do? He just, oh, he fucking broke his leg once on a bad pothole, fuck him. No, you're gonna have to fake a lot of stuff. Yeah, this guy at least, yeah, he faked 20 heart attacks. Let's give him a couple thousand dollars, you know?

And we only care about a heart attack. That's how heartless we are. You have to be incapacitated. Yeah, you can't just go in and go like I don't have a lot of money. Yeah, I have hives or whatever. Nobody gives a fuck. No one cares. I have shingles.

Yeah, I was molested. Yeah. Get on one care. Fuck. Can you imagine going into a place where I was molested and the waitress going, I was also molested. So what do you want the breadsticks? Cause they're eight dollars. They charge for bread.

Go to a restaurant. They charge for bread and butter. They charge for bread and butter. Used to be able as a homeless person to go in, fake it out and get a little bread and butter in. Maybe get a soup in. Yeah, like, oh, this came from home. Yeah.

Yeah. This is at the house, you know, looking at the remote or something, and lie, times have changed. It is, it's interesting, man. What's going on in your world, I guess, dude? Well, I mean, you know, I'm just trying to, you know, trying to live out the dream of, you know, being grateful for being lucky enough

to make people happy, hopefully, you know? It almost feels... the dream of being grateful for being lucky enough to make people happy, hopefully. It almost feels- There's a lot to that where you gotta kinda always remind yourself that you're doing a fun thing and a cool thing and you don't wanna get caught up in any of the bullshit and the nonsense of it. Yeah.

Yeah, it's kinda hard to, well it's not hard, but it's like, I can see how it can happen. You almost, though, see so many celebrities and Hollywood as such an example of all of that. So I think, as comedians these days, it seemed like you have such a good example of the avenues not to go down. Yeah, just try to keep your head about you

and get excited about what you're doing. A lot of it becomes about how, how big can it be? Or how is there, your reps will call you, go there's money here, there's money, you know? And then you just gotta be like, am I happy with the things I'm actually doing? Am I putting stuff out that's funny? So that's like the hard part.

Again, who do you want, if there is somebody who really wanted to do like a television or film, you'd have to really want to do it. Cause we're lucky enough to be able to go and perform. You have to really love it. There's something I really want to do. There's like one thing I've always wanted to do. And I don't know how I'll do it or who I'll do it with,

but it's just that one thing. Like I don't have 10 things. And if I never get to do it, that's okay too, because I've been able to do a lot of other things. But there's just one idea, could be a show, could be a movie. It's just one thing I've always wanted to do. And I just want to do that, and then I'd be done.

You'd be good with that. I'd be good with that. So that might happen, or it may not happen, and I'd also be good with it not happening. Because I think at a certain point, you've got to give it to God and go, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Yeah.

Yeah, I think like David Spade and I wrote that film that maybe you would be in if we did. I loved the idea of that. That was super cool. So that would be cool. I'd be amazing. Gonna do something with Druski, I think would be in. I love the idea of that. That was super cool. So that would be cool. Gonna do something with Druski, I think would be neat. Amazing. He's so funny.

But yeah, outside of that, I don't know if I have much ambition. Yeah. And it would have to be something you really loved and you wanted to do it. We gotta really love it because we have the ability to go out and make people happy that are right in front of us.

You know, we've been so fortunate. I know. A lot of people don't like, a lot of actors, you meet actors and they're just waiting for people to call them. It used to be like actors would, you know, they'd be like happy. Now you talk to them, they're like, they're like not happy.

They're like just kind of waiting around. Well, everyone in Hollywood is having a bit, I mean, they're literally having a strike for their fucking, for some earnings. That's like the people that are, they're trying to take their jobs away with AI, the writing, and even the extra work. Imagine that, you can't even be a fucking extra.

No, they're just trying, they want the celebrities we have now to be the last ones. They want Timothy Chalamet, who I like, and he says nice things about my comedy, apparently. He's a good man, but this twink can't be the last one. Is that little Mabu? It looks slightly like little Mabu, but Mabu is. Yeah, he's a real rapper.

Yeah, bro, he's fucking. I do some drill. He's yeah. Well, I started reading about drill. I tried to explain to Louis C.K. What drill rap was. Oh, it'd be hilarious. But to show me he can't be the last dude.

Like he can't be, he can't play Rosa Parks. You know what I mean? Yeah. He can't be the last actor we have. We need other people. So I think what Hollywood's doing right now, they're going like, look Tom Hanks, give me a Margot Robbie, give me this,

give me a shout. Yeah, let's get a five. Let's get them, they're, they're it. This is it. We're gonna take their likeness. We're gonna put them in everything. We're gonna shut it down. We're gonna shut it down.

I agree. That's how crazy they're getting. They're like, give me a Chalamet, give me a Margot Robbie, give me a Michael B. Jordan, give me this, give me that, give me whoever we got now. Yeah. We don't want anyone new. Mm-mm.

And we're gonna take their likeness and use it again. So Chalamet will be every, like you'll be watching a movie and he'll just maybe be two or three of the characters. Yeah, he'll be in a subway commercial. He'll be in Rose Parks. He'll do Rose Parks. You've heard about that. It's like a drunk woman who,

but she wouldn't leave the bus cause she was drunk. Right. And Timothy Chalamet is playing her. Yeah, he'll be playing her. Yeah. I just think that we've got it stopped. Like I like him a lot as I think he's a talented actor Unbelievable, but we can have him in everything right it'll just be yeah I mean Jacob be Lordy was in salt burn and then he was also Elvis Presley. It's it's just not a different one, huh? That's a different one. That's not the same guy. No, that's an awesome. Oh No, but it Priscilla, I'm sorry.

Have you seen Priscilla? No, but he was in that, Elordi? Dude, Priscilla's a good movie. Yeah. I'm not always finished, so it might not be good, but so far it seems good. The first two thirds of it's good. Well, I like Euphoria's great show.

I haven't seen that yet. It's a great show. He was in that? He's in that. Oh, I didn't know that. I gotta go down the Elordi rabbit hole. But it definitely- But I get it, he's one of them that's gonna be in that? He's in that. Oh, I didn't know that. I gotta go down the Elordi rabbit hole. But it definitely. I get it.

He's one of them that's gonna be in the. He made it in. He made it in. But it's getting fewer, it's getting far between her. Tate McCray, I'm sure they will get. But it's getting very few and far between. I agree, the door is shutting. The door is shutting.

And they're like, we don't need a lot of people. We don't need any more. We'll just take these guys. Michael B. Jordan. Yeah, just a few of these guys and then we'll. But then they're going to just start putting people in stuff that don't act. You know, the Travis Kelsie is famous.

Right. He can definitely play. They throw him in, you know. Count Dracula or whatever. They'll throw anybody in. You know what I mean? They might be just like, let's put them in. So I don't know.

I don't know what's coming for this town. I don't know. Because a lot of some of the good actors have also, Daniel Day-Lewis just went off and he said, I'm not doing this, right? I think he lives in Ireland in like a castle or something. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, even some of the great, yeah,

they're just done. Remember that singer, Enia? Yeah. She had those yeah, they're just done. Mel Gibson's done. Remember that singer, Enya? Yeah. She had those songs, they were like, ma na na, like that'd be her song. She'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's done now. She just went, she went to a castle in Ireland.

Look up her house. Look up Enya House, Ireland. You wanna show you how to do it right? Wow. That's how to do it right. That's Kat Von Denier right there. You know what I mean? She just lives in a, she's fuck it.

She goes, I don't care about Malibu. Yeah. I'm gonna go live in a castle in Ireland. I don't want to have to hose down homeless people looking for a warm piece of bread outside of my face. I don't want to have a meeting every morning with my door-dash guards. Yeah, dude.

I don't want to have to fucking peel the bird scooters out of my step daughter's windshields every morning. That's crazy that somebody threw a bird scooter at someone like that. Well, what is it? Is it a mating call in certain communities? It is, I think. It actually is.

Because to be honest with you, if I'm a homeless female and I see a male and he has the strength to take a bird scooter and put it through the windshield of a Civic, I go, that's someone who can protect. Oh, I'm going to split my last pocket full of hummus. So immediately I go to him with the things I have, the vitals that I've collected throughout the day, the candy corn, the air fresheners from the car I got.

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Celebrate the progress you've already made., you want to get the best. Celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit betterhelp.com slash Theo today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash T-H-E-O. It's all right. I do believe. But Hollywood has definitely gotten, you know what I think, I was thinking about this earlier, they just got, everybody's just keeping their money, nobody's even brave enough to take a risk anymore. Nobody wants to take a risk. All the movies are like remakes of things

that have already happened. It's like Willy Wonka, it's like dude. Priscilla. There's nobody that doesn't know that story. Saltburn was original. Saltburn was great, but with Willy Wonka, here's the deal. It was a freak who liked chocolate. Everyone gets it.

Yeah. And he likes also, let's just say it children. He was, there was something wrong in that. I'll say that in that, in that chocolate factory. And they told the story now multiple different times and I'm creeped out. Every time I walk out of the theater, there's something's not right. Well, you want a little chocolate like, what is this shit? You want a little chocolate? There's something and grandpa Joe remember the yeah

This is good the first one was good. It was good the first one was good and and Cindy Portia should have been in it though I I think Cindy what he I should have also been in it, but like they're going too far Well now It's just crazy. We really had the one with the Indian They were trying to be so pro Indian one year and they put all the Indians in it. That was the one with the Johnny dad and then every Indian was a oompa-loompa and they did seven thousand instead of paying extra Indians They just they just put them in a math equation. Yeah AI Like they 3d printed Indians. That's all they did. That's all they did with the same little guy

They're the same you imagine like a meeting in Hollywood. They bring a one Indian guy They go you're gonna play 7,000 oompa oompas and we're sorry that we've kind of demeaned. We're only gonna pay you for one But I do like I gotta be honest. I do like this guy. Oh this guy's amazing. I met him. This guy is kind of amazing Deep Roy I met him in a park once in Santa Monica. He is, let's be honest, the top one. Yeah, the best one. He is the deep Roy. I think is the best one. And he should have been Elvis. How do you fucking agree with you? How do you not make zoom in on this guy? Is that his wife? How is deep Roy? Right there is fine. Yeah. how is that's Elvis Presley? How is this not Elvis that is Elvis Presley

It just that's why Hollywood you're like you're fucking up. What was he when he was in that little hat with Yoda? What is that? That's not Look at that now this kind of beautiful. This is probably one of the Democrat who's put who's putting this on him probably some right Democratic Lord, can you see can we just scroll down a little bohemian Grove? Can we scroll down? Oh, sorry Can you scroll up a little I just want to see who's putting that helmet on him. That's Nancy Pelosi. Yeah, probably She's putting a Yoda mask on him. This is if you want to work in Hollywood. This is how it happens This is the kind of sick shit they're into. But it's also it's like that the fact

people have to go and strike to get fucking paid. It's crazy when they're already out here. All the time you spend volunteering as actors to even get work. And then you have to go and strike and be in a union. What was the thing that it said with Dear Deck? A bunch of people went to. What was that? I don't know. Doek, a bunch of people went to, what was that? I don't know.

Did you see that? No, what happened? About ridiculous as they changed the amount of episodes. They're always trying to really screw over the people in like they can't fight back. Yes. Like if you're like an extra and you were like in Batman and you were the hot dog guy, you can't fight back. Yes. Like if you're like an extra and you were like in Batman

and you were the hot dog guy, you can't. Yeah, you can't afford the attorneys that are gonna battle them. You can't fight back. So they're basically like, we've just AI'd you. You're the hot dog guy and everything now. And then it's like hell. Cause he's a famous hot dog guy.

People come back from the movie theater and they go, that's my dad. But then. They have money of no way to contact no money and he's living in the desert and it's terrible and like people just see him all the time they're gonna he's got like you know he's got maybe diabetes or something he's just sitting there and they're going you're the guy that always serves the hot dog to every superhero he has no money no way to even get home he's put he'll literally put, just sit there all day and put mustard in his finger.

He's just looking mustard in the middle of the desert, in the salt flats of the California Nevada desert, living there and they go, this guy is a hot dog guy. And they act like he died. He doesn't even die. And they have like an in-memorium to him. They don't want to pay him anymore. They don't want to pay him.

So they just say he died. And he's screaming in a Greyhound bus station because I'm alive. You fuckers, I'm alive. And then he's on the Greyhound bus and everybody's watching to watch him like that. That's him. And he's on the way. And that's a great film, by the way.

And then he's on the way to Hollywood and then he has to kill the executives. That's kind of an interesting. Oh, yeah. That's not horrible. Or he has to kill the executives. That's kind of an interesting. Oh, yeah. That's not horrible. Or he has to damage the executives. We'll say that. Damn.

He has to teach them a lesson because we've had a lot of, we've had a lot of things taken about a lot of things because, you know, there's a lot of things out there that just people misconstrued. 100%. Yeah. Um, yeah, they had, uh, but what was the issue with Dyrda? Can you bring that article back up? Um, yeah, they had, uh, but what was the issue with dear, that can you bring that article back up? Um, yeah, they stole ridiculous, right, right.

It ridiculousness. Writers stormed Rob Gehrys office asking for a meeting, but he was nowhere to be found. So they straight up tried to get him. Yep. On January 4th, the writers are ridiculousness, asked host and executive producer Rob Gehrys for his support for a fair contract. Wow. Wow.

They just want a fair contract. Apparently around 10 of the show's writers, Storm Deardex office, but were turned away when they called and left messages, no one answered. Cause you know what it is, they looked at January 6th and they go, that got some results. Like that woke people up a little bit. That got some heat.

You know, that got some heat, you know, rightly or wrongly it got some heat. So I think a lot of these writers were like, let's just storm his office right now. Yeah. And try to like. They host, dear deck for support for a fair contract. Ryan Connor. Uh, I am here.

I know my fellow writers at Rob's office. Nice guy. Because we just wanted to ask him for his support in our efforts to get our first he was a comic from New York City. Wow. Trying to go up. Oh, gosh, gosh. Oh, no, that's okay. Wow tried to go up We called we left a message nobody answered

Hi, this is the writers for ridiculousness. We are here in the ground floor of the building just to ask if we can That's good. Talk to Rob. So it looks like they're trying to go there and get a hold of them They can't is is that the gist of it Nick? That is that's a gist and you know that guy Ryan Connor. Yeah, he was a nice guy It was a comic in New York City, and I guess he moved out here. I guess became a writer Wow, and what did that article say towards the end Nick do you mind? Um, oh it said we are currently compensated at a rate well below our peers. Nope Well below our peers writing for WGA coverage shows like ridiculousness. The next step is you're going to have to kidnap him. Well, and they're going to call and they're going to go, we have him.

Like we have Rob Dyrdek. And what do you want from him? And yeah. And I'm not saying that I condone that. No, of course not. But I'm saying like the next step logically, logically is to kidnap Rob Dyrdek. And they're going to go high and he can do it like just the way he did it. He'd be like, Hey, I'm his Ryan Connor and I just want to say we have Rob Durdeck. But it's just like we tried it the first

way. Yeah, we tried it your way. We went to the lobby. Remember that? It's like Terminator. He's in a boxy. He's in a boxy. He's in a box. He's like, like, make some sounds. He hits me, they got me. And Ryan goes, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like get him by a skateboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, he goes, we got Rob Durdeck here. He's unhar me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it by a skateboard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, because we got Rob Dyrdek here. He's unharmed. The box. Ah, here I'm using on, but we are just trying to get a fair contract. So let's start the negotiation. Let's start it now. Let's just start it now because we have Rob and an undisclosed location,

but that's the next logical step here. You have to kidnap, uh, you have to come and deer, you have to come and deer, Rob, deer, deck. Yes. For a few days. For a few days to just get people awake, awake, because this doesn't, by the way, I see that. I see people in the lobby of the building. I go, all right. Yeah. So what, you know, but you've got to? You know? But you gotta pay these people. You gotta pay them money.

What does it say about the episodes in it? They used to do 30 in 2011 when they started, and now they're doing 336 a year, and they're not union. Wow. Well, they gotta put them in a box. Yeah, I mean. Or they could do the old school move. Ever see Marshall Wooden soldiers?

Uh-uh. Laurel and Hardy. In fact, I think guy, brilliant. They mail themselves in a box, the old school move. Yeah. To Rob... Troy. Rob Deard.

Exactly. Trojan Horse. Trojan Horse, Rob Deardak. They're like, he was, oh, someone sent something, like the studio sent something nice to the house. They got a big box. It opens and it's the whole writing staff. Yeah.

Right there. They're standing on it. It's the whole writing staff. And then all of a sudden, then, but then they still, here's what's interesting about that. They actually still have to kidnap them. You're right. So it's like, forget the box.

They still have that. But they still mean business. They still mean business. It's a way to get in the building. It's a way to get in the building, but they have to just say, hi, my name is Ryan Connor. I'm a writer at Ridiculousness and we have Rob. Yeah.

We tried it your way. Yeah. And Rob is here and Rob is now very enthusiastic about this new contract. Are you Rob? Hit the cage. Rob. Rob is had a change of heart. Artie Rob hit the cage. Rob.

Rob has had a change of heart. He's actually leading the charge. This new contract, right? Hit the cage. Yes. Yeah. Give him. Give him anything they want. We're not even asking for that Rob, but thank you for saying that. I believe we have them on that quote. He just hurt. Give them anything they want. Please. I just want to leave here alive. He's being fed. We're taking care of him. No one's abusing him. You think if I don't even think they pay people to, I think they offered me to go on that show before and they don't even pay you to go. It's not good if they're not paying. They don't even pay you to go be a guest on that show.

Yeah. Like they say, oh, will you get publicity out of it? That's what they always say about everything. We're paying you an exposure. Right. But yeah, these people are exposed. They don't have health care. That's the problem.

People are exposed or in the elements. Yeah, you think writing 336 episodes of this show? Yeah. What even is this show? They get like snooky and someone else to... They get snooky and then they commandeer some brother out there. Right.

And, uh... They just like... You know, it's usually like somebody that knocked up a Kardashian or something or at least came near one. And they get them to, to literally look at videos of people who are breaking their necks,

doing different stunts. Gotcha. And then they make fun of them. They say that. Right. Okay. Well, again, I- Chanel West Coast is honest,

she's actually really funny. Yeah, she's really funny. I just, you know, I'm Chanel West Coast is honest, she's actually really funny. Yeah, she's really funny. I just, you know, I'm never a person for extremes, but I do believe in this rare instance. It just bargaining power being what it is. It just, if you have them, it makes it a lot easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just throwing it out.

If you have them, if you have them in an und understable, like, think about the movie Seven. Great movie Seven. Great movie. Now, the reason that everybody was so wound up in Seven is because there's a serial killer who just kept like leaving little notes, you know, communicating with the cops, making phone calls. Yeah, gossipy kind of guy.

But he didn't show up in the office building. You know what I mean? What he was able to do is really capture people's attention by actually going like, hey, I got the thing, I got the guy. So the reality is what they need to do is just in a nice way, kidnap him. Yeah, I think commandeering is the term we like to use. That's correct. Commandeering someone. Commandeering someone. For the purposes of a contract negotiation is great.

Well, look, it's getting to that point. I won't be, because at one point, all it's gonna take is the policeman to say, wait, I'm not on the side of this company. No the police on the side of this person Here's the brilliant thing about this the police might help this. Yeah, the police. How is that Lee? the police my They might not look too hard for him, right? They might not be looking too hard Okay, because the show I believe is celebrating accidents, right?

Yeah. Celebrating just public lawlessness. The cops aren't looking too hard for this guy. And plus here's the thing. If they're not paying people for the clips that I'm using, I'm sure they're not. Right. And they're not paying guests to go on there.

And I, It's probably like some guy in like on a stretcher and they just like a producer runs up to him and they go, do you mind if we use this on ridiculousness? And the guy's like, and they're like, great. That counts. Yeah, we put a little your saliva on this contract. Right.

Yeah. But I, and I remember them offering and they did not offer a payment on it. But then who's making all the money then? Probably the network. I mean, the show these days, it's only ridiculous. It's their own, what was the deal they had?

And I'm all for people making money. Yeah, and I'm not trying to shit on Rob. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding, but. No, and maybe he's doing the right thing. I'm not, we're not being negative. We're just saying, I'm zooming out. I'm zooming out that this is an overall, I don't even care who he is, who they are.

I'm just talking about negotiations in general. Agreed. One person usually has all the leverage, is my point. And if you, yeah, and sometimes you have to bring true article to the, to the- Yeah, like, what the writers did there, we had no imagination. Right.

Which maybe, but it means they shouldn't be getting paid. Maybe they shouldn't be getting paid. I gotta be honest, I didn't see one funny thing happen. Yeah, good point. There was not one funny thing those writers did. But sometimes you gotta bring a real article to the negotiation table. What if they all dressed up like clowns, and they were like, oh, you're treating us like clowns, but bloody clowns.

Or big, like remember big that passed away? Remember Robin Big, what if they all dressed up like big and like mummified big like we came back from the grave. And big would be ashamed of this. To guess. Big would be ashamed of the way we're being treated. Kind of like a Christmas story, like a Christmas Carol. RIP big.

RIP big. Big black. So our thing is telling the writers to do blackface. Well, I'd go. Sure, but I'm just saying. At this point, at this point, you're dead. A permanent of action. Desperate measure. And I get it. Now a black writer, you get.

They call Rob, dude, they go, listen, listen to this. The writers are mad, they're in the lobby of the building. Here's where they fucked up, Rob. They're all in blackface. You're off the hook. You're actually fucked. Or. You don't have to pay any of them. Or Hollywood's so scared of everything, they're like, we better pay these black writers right now. That's right. That's the hook. You're actually four. You don't have to pay any of them. Or Hollywood's so scared of everything,

like we better pay these black writers right now. That's right. That's the truth. That's a good point. Hollywood, like the last thing we wanna do is upset the black community. That's right. They come in.

If I were black, I would just sue everybody in Hollywood. That's true. To be honest with you. That's a good point. To be honest with you. To start suing every human being in Hollywood. Yeah, I just know that Rob has the biggest He is all that's on MTV is I Don't even know what MTV is anymore, but all I know idea is ridiculous. Well good. Hey, I like I said

Everybody's got to do what they want to do in this world, you know What else are we looking at, Nick? What else have you brought up? Oh, neighbors say Party House in Beverly Hills is run by squatters. This is right up the same avenue we're talking about. Right. Can you, yeah, what do they say? Neighbors are fed up with what they're calling a problem house on the border of Beverly Hills and Bel Air.

They say wild parties are being thrown there all the time by squatters. Police have been to the homes numerous times, but the home ownership, rather, status is complicated. Eyewitness, who's a reporter at Josh Haskell, has the details. Condoms and drug paraphernalia littered Beverly Grove Place outside a party house located on the border of Beverly Hills and Bel Air. Neighbors tell Eyewitness News squatters

have been living here for a few months throwing wild parties that they advertise and charge admission for. The squatters even claimed they were raising money for the victims of the October 7th Hamas attack. They're showing up at two and three in the morning with loud cars and motorcycles. So it's Jewish squatters?

That's good. Is it victims of the? Yeah, I mean. You guys see this part of it. It's just a little aside. Police will do something. The LAPD has been to the home numerous times, but the ownership status is complicated. It was owned by disgrace doctor Munir Ueda,

who fled the United States and is reportedly living in Lebanon. After he was accused of playing a role in the murder of 21 year old model, Juliana Redding, who he had dated. Ueda has also been linked to an insurance fraud scheme. The company, MDRCA Properties LLC, is currently listed as the owner, but they filed for bankruptcy last year.

The home is now for sale for $4.5 million. According to neighbors and their private investigator, the squatters who live here have their driver's licenses registered to this home, which has slowed the eviction process. They claim that. I say I support squatters. I do because the reality of the situation is,

is that you want people in one place and you want people to, you know, if this is a house, it's owned by a guy who fled the country because he murdered his girlfriend. And by the way, that's what I love about LA. It just attracts good people. You know what I mean? Just attracts like good salt of the earth.

People are like, what a beautiful story about a doctor who killed a 21 year old. Some only fans check and then fled to Lebanon. Like that's by the way, if you're a real turn LA, you assume that's everyone you're showing a house to. You're like, you're gonna live here for about five years, then you're gonna kill a girl and go to Lebanon. So don't worry about the resale value.

It's not a big deal. You're just here to kill one person. Yeah But if that's the case, I mean why shouldn't squatters move into his house and enjoy it? Well, yeah, I think look if the rich people are just going to hide That's right and kill people and then you have got to get in there and Spend time with them. Yeah, and a lot of rich people Yeah, they say they don't want you there, right, but that's not true, buddy get in there and spend time with them. Yeah. And a lot of rich people. Yeah, they say they don't want you there.

Right. But that's not true, buddy. No, he's in Lebanon in their heart to a lot of rich people want other people to be around. They want you to be there at dinner. Yeah. They want you to live in the laundry room or wherever you see fit. Yeah. And at the end of the day, it's like, if you're squatting in a property of a guy, like he has no authority to tell you what to do. Like he could call the house and be like, hey, that's my house and all you have to say is,

yeah, why aren't you here? That's it. Or you on vacation, you killed a bitch and you fled to Lebanon. So yeah, I'm gonna swim in your pool. Yeah, yeah. I mean, no one has any moral authority in that situation. Well, you gotta tell him you're saging the premises as well. I think you come in your pool. Yeah. Yeah. I mean no one has any moral authority in that situation Well, you got to tell him you're saging the premises as well. Yeah, I think you come in with a small

Oh, yeah, you go. We're trying to help you out. We got bleach. We're wiping everything down Dude like we're helping you out. This is like don't tell mom the babysitter's dead You know what I mean like it's like we're throwing a huge party to cleanse the house of your murder. You're lucky that we're here for free. First of all, we're here for free. First of all, he's screaming from Lebanon. I go, first of all, let me just stop you there. You're welcome. Let's start with you're welcome. Okay. Because we had a pool guy in here twice last week, okay? You're welcome. And yeah, we're having a few parties to raise money

for the victims of the Hamas attack. In your house, we're having a fundraiser. And this is where we're doing it. Look, we're raising money to make the next big mama's house. We're trying to solve the Middle East. We're trying to raise money for the ridiculousness writers. Yeah.

We are doing all sorts of good. By the way, are the ridiculousness writers the ones in that house? Hopefully. Yeah, that's probably. Hopefully they're getting free rent. Cause that's where they're plotting your whole thing. Yeah.

They're like, we're in this house, we're squatting in the house, and we're just trying to get Rob Dierdeck to pay us money so we can get apartments so we don't have to live in this mansion of this murderer. Look, if there are extremely wealthy people out of town, I and you consider them or people in your area consider them some Lord or Deviant or dark artist.

Right. I don't think there's anything wrong with spending time in their home. They have a pool. The pool didn't kill anyone. They're not even there. Did the terrace kill someone? No.

So you're basically going into a piece of real estate. I think real estate is blameless. I agree. I did not blame. I don't blame Brentwood for OJ's activities. Yeah. I don't look at the house and go, oh, you look at this. How I mean, they've demolished it now.

But like Epstein's townhouse didn't do anything wrong. It's the people inside. Yeah, and so I think, yeah, if there's a house in a fancy area and you love it, get in there, I think. I think get in there and it's better, look for murderers in your area, who fled. Because all it takes is two or three houses

in a neighborhood for this to happen to. And then the property values all come down and we get everybody's again. And by the way, if you live in a nice area, there are definitely a few murderers who have fled. Yeah. It's, it's really just a matter of you doing the leg work. 100% finding it. Yeah.

And cause it's always going to appear like, Oh, nobody's been in that house for a while. I wonder why it is. And then you're gonna find out, oh, sometimes people's kids kill people and they check out. Yeah, it's easy to figure out too. And a lot of times, I think, look, go through Halloween, see who doesn't have a trick or treating thing set up. That's a great point.

And those are the first people's houses to stop in it and see what's going on. And eventually the government is- Don't do it in my house, I'm just in Reno. Deforming in a casino. I didn't kill anyone. So I just want to put that out there. I have a nice home. Don't come to my house,

because I am coming back in two days. I'm probably in Boston or something, just screaming at drunks. You think it's okay for people to get into more of the squatting and the commandeering? It goes back- It's a case by case because- Do you think so?

I think it goes back to the old times where it's like, when you showed up and you took some land, I feel like that's the times we're getting back to. And I think it's okay. Well, here's where- People can't afford rents. How else do you expect people when seven families

or whatever own half the city? It's a great point. I think the problem becomes like when you are squatting in a house of like, I don't know, somebody, it might- Like somebody's disabled or something? Well, no, but maybe what's going on. I don't know somebody. It might- Like somebody's disabled or something? Well, no, but maybe what's going on.

Like it does, I don't know. You're envisioning, well, you're envisioning, is like a family who's like down on their luck. Is like, we're gonna squat in this house. Oh, I'm also envisioning a couple of rager boys from freaking up. That's fine, like here's the deal. I think what you're gonna get,

you're gonna get a lot of like, you might get some activity in that property that's the deal. I think what you're gonna get, you're gonna get a lot of like, you might get some activity in that property that's not great for the neighborhood. Oh, I think that's what I want. Okay, all right, sure. As long as you know what's gonna go down. As long as you know what's gonna happen. I want dude.

It's not gonna be like Christmas carols. You know what I mean? They're doing fake Hamas. Fake. It's a fundraiser. These people are doing Hamas reenactment. They've got like the pictures of the hostages. They're just doing coke off them. I mean, these are people.

These are the kind of people we need. I think people doing puppet shows, people doing. I do think a little candlelit marriages. Patentry, something fun. Renaissance fair type fun Renaissance fair Renaissance fair stuff because so that's my thing. It's like if you are going to squat Make it an event that the community can enjoy. Yeah to some degree. I agree There should be a punch and Judy show yeah for the kids, you know something fun put on a heading zoo

Yeah, do something small, you know, my god son is Chinese. They was taking the petting zoo, do something small. You know, my god son is Chinese. They was taking him to petting zoo. He likes to- Oh, get a Persian guy to just get on his knees and pet that dude for a couple of months. Get a Persian guy, get that actor, deep Roy. Like any of those people like- Elbis.

Yes, make it fun. Like I just don't want it to be, because the squatting might just be its own way of like, they might also just start gate keeping it from the community. If you're squatting in a big mansion, you gotta let it be a community center. I just think it's, yeah, that's true.

I agree. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying don't squat. I'm saying like you said, do once a month you do a play. You do a play, you do something. You do some Shakespeare. You do some Shakespeare in a park.

Yeah, you do Raisin' in the Sun. You do a Raisin' in the Sun. You do a play, you do something. You do some Shakespeare. You do Shakespeare in a park. Yeah, you do Raisin' in the Sun. You do a Raisin' in the Sun. You do a version of Raisin' in the, and everyone's gonna be hung over and you go, wake up, today's we're doing Raisin' in the Sun. And people can be on book. They don't have to memorize their lines. There's gonna be people that are near overdose.

You gotta get them off the floor, hand them a script, and they gotta stand out there for the local children and do Raisin' in the Sun. Or Mr. Belvedere. Mr. Belvedere, they gotta do something, you know, death of a salesman. Yeah, death of a salesman for sure.

You can't. If you can't find one fucking dream catcher weaving lesbian to play Willie Loewen. You gotta, you gotta get a bitch named Sky, who's been on Molly, just the best Molly. He's been to a lot of widespread panic shows. To play Willie Loewen. So that at least, cause then the cops won't even do anything.

Cause they're just gonna go, hey man they do plays for the community. And like you people write Yelp reviews and stuff. And they go, you know, we really thought it was just a bunch of junkies partying, but my kid went there the other day and we saw a beautiful production of Death of a Salesman. With like a shaman who was straight up

behind a wasp, played Willy Loman. And it was brilliant. Yeah, I think Bert, what was the guy's name and that his son's name? I can't remember. I don't know. That would have been great to remember. But yeah, we saw a Biff and Harold.

Yes, Biff and Harold. You were playing Biff like a young guy. He's coming down to stay. You're playing Biff today. You're doing Biff and Harold playing bit like a young and a guy he's coming down the stairs playing You're doing Biff Through the DT he's trying to fucking just trying to do it But that's my thing just making a community center. Yes make it fun because here's what's gonna happen, too The rich people of they're so rich now, they don't, eventually they're gonna stop fighting you.

Yeah. They're not gonna go to, they're not even gonna fly back in town. No, it's gonna look bad for them to fight you. Yes. They're gonna start talking about it in Aspen. Right. They're gonna start going, we have one of our homes. Yeah, it's an aquarium now.

One of our homes is being used by people putting their lives together and they're doing death of aman and they will love saying that yeah You have to understand at a certain point you have to understand the value of the media for yourself That's right. It's all advertising so you get people to say hey fuck these rich people right let these people live And that's all you need is two or three people say that. And it's just a status symbol to go, we have so many homes, we don't even care. A few of them, we just have people squatting, they do petting zoos. Few of our house, we got a house in Bel Air,

it's a big petting zoo. And it's run by this lesbian on Molly. And she just walks a bunch of kids through once a month to petting zoo. Because we like to give back to the community. They go, we're not using it. We just got to meet Hercules Poirot the other day in character. We just met, they justcules Poirot the other day in character. Right. You know, we just met.

They just did a Hester Prynne meet and greet in the front yard. Yeah, it was brilliant. So why, you know, they they they go, listen, we're not going to get in the way of that. Yeah, they're doing 10 little Indians by at Christmas. That's right. We can't stop this. So if you walk in, if you walk in, if the cops walk into a squatter's house and there's just a bunch of junkies writhing on the floor, that's one thing.

But if they walk in and the junkies start going, God rest ye merry gentlemen, for that I eat his man, his brother Christ our savior was born on earth. That cop starts singing. Yeah, the cops are in. Like, you know, you just have to do that. And that's Miracle on 34th Street.

That's exactly what it's like. It's a community production. That's the new Christmas movie that we pitch. Yeah. About it, bunch of junky squatters who team up with the rich landlords who are fleeing the country because they've killed their only fans' girlfriends

to make a beautiful Christmas pageant for the community. Oh, that's it. And it's so good. Like the whole pageant is so ridiculous and so crazy. It's contrived and he's watching it from Lebanon. Yeah. It's got like Macaulay Culkin battling the fucking Ninja Turtles and shit. And it's just pop culture references and it's absolutely.

It's a Zellia. It's a Zellia's doing. Playing as fuck as Cindy Lou It's out of control. Yeah, but there's something beautiful about it beautiful about it What uh, what other news do we have going on Nick anything else great happening? Yeah, John Stewart is returning to the Daily Show only on Mondays Yeah, John Stewart is returning to the Daily Show only on Mondays, but and also as an executive producer through the election cycle. Wow. They must have backed up the money truck. Money truck. You think so? Or do you think because John also seems like a guy, right? He seems

like a guy of character as well. I think he wants to do it, you know. Yeah. He wants to have a voice. It would be funny though if they let him do it Mondays and then Trump did it Tuesday. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just the kind of they paramount makes announcement to let John Stewart's can do it Mondays. Donald Trump will do it Fridays. Yeah. He will do the Daily Show Friday. And Whitney's doing it on Wednesday. Yeah, the Whitney's can do it on Wednesday. Her kid's very cute. Is the kid cute? Cute kid, yeah. I haven't seen the kid. Yeah. I... He's like, he's a beautiful child.

Well, she's got... Yeah. Nice. Breasts. Is it a boy or a girl, the kid? It's a boy with very nice breasts. Oh, wow. Okay, good.

Yeah, and that shouldn't matter. I'm just saying. No, it doesn't matter at all. I wouldn't be shocked if the kid has great breaths one day Yeah, the boy Oh, that's a child's father emancipation papers. You can see him right there begging for a sip Yeah, he's in That's deep Roy isn't it? That's not

And Roy's getting look lucky or she's just beyond This is a new headshot Headshot deep Roy has pretended to be an infant Gonna be a newspaper particle with the coming Was actually deep bro. I wouldn't be surprised. There's a lot of things are getting so tough out there. Little people are going undercover. They just had a Russian girl. Yeah.

She's the family to be able to eat and survive. So they're just going to have to, you know, and Whitney, because Whitney is, is she busy? She's busy. Yeah. I think a great mom, everything, but she's busy. She's got a lot going on. So she might not notice if there's something wrong.

She might not notice if there's something wrong. She might not notice if there's something wrong. is she's busy? She's busy. That's the thing with Winnie, great mom, everything, but she's busy. She's got a lot going on. So she might not notice if her son is depraved. She might not notice. She's got depraved. You got a fucking young baby who's just in an Elvis outfit. She might like how quickly he's growing and like, she might be like, my baby's so impressive, he's speaking.

He's speaking to him. He's speaking to him. He's dressed like Elvis. Yeah, he's doing great. Like I've done a great job. Yeah, he's deep-rooted. Yeah, he's doing fucking hot. And then like, they're gonna say to her,

they're gonna go, at what? At what moment? At what moment? At what moment? At what moment? Did you realize that your son was actually deep? A squatter. A squatter. There was a squatter in your home, deep Roy.

There's a squatter in your jeans. He was one time, I was just looking at him at dinner. I was looking at him at dinner and he was telling stories about Johnny Depp Charlie the chocolate that people feed and she goes I just looked at him the light hit him a certain way I was like are you deep? Unbelievable Unreal Wow

Blue But it's getting so bad little Little people are squatting as infants to eat, to survive. That's how bad it is. People don't understand when it goes from grapes to grapes or wrath, man. People don't understand it. Because there are a lot of little people

that can and should kind of try to pass as children. Oh, they bet. They get in a car on the way to a Six Flags, try to get him like, look, be with the family. They had a guy. They get in a car on the way to a Six Flags, try to get him to be with the family. They had a guy in Indiana. He, if you get a chance to look at it, he was like 31 and he had primordial dwarfism, I think. Right.

He went back to third grade, right? Yeah. Went to third grade, was doing pretty good. They said he wasn't even doing that good in it. Right. And I'm like, God. Well, third grade's not easy. That's when they start bringing out doing that good in it. Right. And I'm like, God, but their grades not easy. That's when they start bringing out the big math tax books.

That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, uh, six year old orphan or con artist adult revisiting the strange. Oh, no, this was net Natalia Grace. This was a male, but that was the Russian child. But they had a male who pretended. Uh.

male who pretended, uh, no, I would say dwarf, um, impersonates child, Indiana. It's very, it's a very interesting, uh, move. And to me, it's like some other states, but in other states, I feel like it's totally appropriate, you know, given the way things are. Yeah. Oh, but I'm just not shocked that this is, but this guy went back to school and they, one day the teacher saw him driving somewhere,

driving to an Applebee's or something. Yeah. And they passed out, they buzzed and like, shouldn't you be doing your homework? All right. And then he was like, no, I'm actually, it's a weird move to just want to go to school. But I guess he was getting fed and taken care of.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of that. Well, it's free. Then you're on the government's time. That's right. And you know what? It's like, he's like, let me try again. Yeah. Yeah, let me relive it. Yeah. Like everybody wants to kind of relive it. Oh, I'd love to. So like to me, it's like, that's also heartwarming that little people can kind of relive it. And I think if you are a little person and you do feel better around children, you should be able to go back to school.

I think if you want to try it again, there's probably a lot of little people out there that go, I like all of us. I want to run it back. What would you do if you ran it back? Oh God, man. Would you do something different, really? Well, were you outgoing in high school? Yeah, I was outgoing.

I wouldn't have started cocaine at 13. Wow, that's early. That was early. Really? Yeah. It was too much. I did it for like, till I was like in my early 20s and then I cut it out.

But I didn't do like every day when I was 13, but like 13 I was smoking weed, you know, I was trying stuff, like you track up lines of blow and like, you know, like not great. Like it was not good LSD started then. I would have held off on that, you know? And then I would have tried to be, if I could be any archetype of person,

I want it to be like a real hot, dumb person. If I could do it again, I would want to live in California and be one of those people. They're just really hot and all they do is surf all day. And they're just, they don't know, and like they don't know, they're just really hot and all they do is surf all day. And they're just, they don't know, and like they don't know, they're the people that will believe that, like you come to them

and tell them anything they believe in. They're like, oh wow. They're like, what? They're, the word they always say is what. What? They go, what? What? What?

What? But they have the best life in my estimation. So nice. They just sit on a beach, eat burritos, and they just go swimming. And then one day, the luckiest ones is them getting eaten by a shark. The luckiest ones.

The ones that the gods love enough. The ones that the gods love enough are like, you can just, we'll take you now. Yeah. You know? That would be nice. That'd be, I guess that's a romantic way to look at going back to high school.

I think just being like, yeah, all body, just like you're sitting in class and you're so good looking, people don't even care if you're learning. They don't care if you're learning. The teacher's kind of afraid of you. You get a C plus just because. Really, really hot people,

people just kind of let them do whatever they want. Just kind of let them do whatever they want. If you're a really good looking person, you don't even have to squat. You can kind of just show up to someone's house to let you win, they'll be like, come on in. Bro, Ian Summerholder went to the high school, I went to, right?

He was the best looking guy for, I think, he won an award once, it was like best looking guy for like 700 miles or whatever. And he was like, as he would come to the first day of school, they would give him A's for the, and he would leave. And he would leave, yeah. He would not, he would just, they gave him, he would literally get his report cards for the year.

Yeah. And he would, he just looked at all the ladies, just let them all know that he existed, that he loved them. And that was it. And then he would, he would go back home. He just, he moved out of town, he lives on a farm now. He has a farm with his wife and children. Good for him. He moved out of town, he lives on a farm now. He has a farm with his wife and children.

He moved out of Hollywood anyway. Yeah, it's a good move. But God is growing up in the shadow of such beauty for men and women. Women would get their haircut to look like him. Of course, of course. People didn't know what to do. You had a lot of moms and stay at home moms

and basically just people that didn't want to work kind of You had a lot of moms and like stay at home moms and basically just like people that didn't want to work kind of and they would all try and look like him or you had women dressing like him wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and the men's stuff. It was just. Yeah, when somebody's that good looking you just people try to be them without even knowing it. Yeah.

Yeah. People were devastated if they didn't know him or if they didn't know somebody that knew him. Yeah. He was just that handsome It's just that power the effects of somebody that could be that good-looking on a community. Yeah, of course because you're all just Everybody else is ugly. Everybody else is just in comparison to him less. Yeah, and they feel it What is this What is this? Tech CEO dies after a freak accident on stage in front of crowd at company party.

The company's president remains in critical condition. Didn't they just say he died? He just said he died. Oh my God dude. Yo they don't care clickbait, they just want you in. The CEO died, the president is in critical condition Oh, okay, they were being lowered from a cage and the chains broke and they fell 15 feet in front of well That's one of those by the way. No one feels bad for them

Well, I mean a lot of people in that company were like dude. Come on. They're lowering him from a cage Yeah, what are like what is what are we doing here? What do you, that's, it's just like, if you want to be a law, you, we're, you can't pretend to be a God on earth, man. Right, you gotta stop. A Chicago area tech CEO died after falling onto a stage at a packed company event in India last week. Vistex CEO, Sanjay Shah, 36,

and company president Raju Datla, 52, remarking the company's Silver Jubilee celebration. What did it say happened? Both men were inside a suspended cage when the chain hole in the cage broke on one side, causing them both to fall onto the stage. At the time of the accident, music was being played and Shah and Raju were waving to their staff

while being lowered. Wow. What music would you want being played and Sean Raju were waving to their staff while being lowered. Wow. What music would you want being played while that happens, you think? It's a great question. Um, maybe Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire, you know, Jai Ho. Yeah. Because it's kind of that fun, you know, Jai Ho. Nobody even believed you dead.

They would, they'd be having so much fun. That's the thing because it's's like it would be such a crazy environment They would like even though you're dying it's still it's still kind of you know, Joe Yeah, so that would be my personal choice. I love that dude. Tell me something Yeah was that we certainly, yeah, bring it down. Yeah. Well, I mean, God, you know, it's sad. It's like, Oh, it's heartbreaking. You know, at least, you know, we're not living at it.

It's just, it's one of those things where it's like, you're a ready to see yo, right? Like, do you need to be the Brett heart of tech? Do you need to, you know, that scene in the beginning of cats were like, well, like, or the end of cats were like, yeah, I don't know if you're, so the show cats were like, they go up on this little like UFO. There's like a bunch of cats. Oh, do they really? on this little like UFO. There's like a bunch of cats. Oh, do they really? At the end, yeah.

It's like a garbage can lid. There's just a bunch of cats and like, you know what? They just rise because they're going to heaven. The cats again. And, uh, yeah. And for sure. But that, you don't need that level of theatrics when you're the CEO.

You don't need that. You shouldn't be up there. The secretary should be up there. Yeah. It's like, you just, you're the CEO. You don't need that. You shouldn't be up there. The secretary should be up there. Yeah, it's like you're the CEO, you just, these people, someone will want to kill you. Hire some squatters. Hire a couple. Hire a squad.

That's when you bring out, that's when you go, thank you for coming. Now, Iggy Azalea. Ladies and gentlemen, let Iggy Azalea fall through the cage and die in front of your company. Do not die in front of your company. Do not die in front of your company. There's no reason for it. And if it's tech, you're supposed to be tech.

You're supposed to be technologically advanced. Where's your device? You can't even put a fucking cage on a wall together. I'm like, what are you doing? Cause that's not what they do. They do like that new age shit. You should be a hologram. You shouldn't be trying to do Ringling Brothers

in Park Bay Bailey Circus. Where you like ride out on an elephant. They were probably like, it's India. Like we're going to get wild. Yeah. Low-requies. Jai ho. Jai ho.

Yeah, I would have been a great idea. Do you do anything exorbitant like that? Do you do anything? You ever do any fancy stuff, Tim? Like on stage? Not really. I just kind of walk out and... Or just like parties and stuff.

I heard you throw some pretty wild parties. I've actually heard Yeah, I heard you have like a yeah I heard this I heard like a crazy thing about parties that you throw we had a Caitlyn Jenner one did you yeah I'm inviting me to one of them. I invited all of them. Oh, thank you not around Caitlyn Jenner came which was fun No way she came she came with her girlfriend who's a trans maga influencer I know they were they came and they were great because you're going around the party to talk about Donald Deneed We need Donald Trump and it was LA so there were people that were just but you can't say shit To Caitlin because Caitlin's like six eight. It's Caitlin's a tough woman

She'll break your head. Wow if she wants to is she pretty cool. She's cool. Wow. She's like picture this I know this is gonna blow everybody's minds. Okay, it's gonna blow your mind right now. Mama's easily blown Here's what I'll say about her. It's almost like she's a dad. Wow You know what I mean? Oh, yeah It's almost like I can almost imagine her as like a dad. It like has like some dad energy. It's weird when you meet a mom who like has the vibes

of like a dad. Like one of my aunts because she drank with the uncles and never went to sleep. They just called her Charlie. Oh yeah. Even though that wasn't her name was Susan. But her nickname was Charlie. They go get Charlie because she would drink every night till she fell down with the men

Caitlin has that vibe of like just a dad energy. Oh Yeah, and I love I love her and I I support her and I support she was showing people pictures of her plane and She's just trying to live her life. That's the thing. She's just trying to live her life and yeah, I would love to meet her. She's like a cool lady. Support Trump from her plane and I respect all of it. That's her girlfriend. That's her girlfriend. Wow. Beautiful. And it's, it's, uh, you know, it's, it's a, it was a, it was a, it was a friendsgiving I had and, uh, did spade come to spade came. He didn't tell me.

See spades on a lot of these lists. He's, you know, people always say he's on that. Oh, that's her plane right there. That's her plan. She's a pilot. She's a pilot Wow, that's wild I would like so I like interesting people of course is uh this to me Like a like a trans trump supporting Olympian pilot. I love that. That's a thing. That's like Tiger King, it's like our Tiger King. That's without question, she is our Tiger King

and she's free. She's already free. You know what I mean? She's ready for it. Dude, but imagine being first of all, so good at being a man, You're like, fuck it. I'm, I'm so, I already did this so well. I'm going to be a woman as well. I'm going to go do this.

And I'm going to be great at that. And get that. Can you get that photo up of Caitlin and Trump again? Because that explains her energy, but it explains our time, maybe more than any other photo. Yeah. That is Caitlinlyn Jenner. And Donald Trump engaged in what can only be called

like a historic kind of like- There's something- Clasp of power. There's something in the orange, bro. I mean, that's what Lord of the Rings should have been. I should have been. That's the Ring of Power. She's giving him the Ring of Power. There you go, right there. The epic hands. That's the ring of power.

She's giving him the ring of power. There you go right there. The epic handshade. There it is. That's what I mean. The epic handshade. That's what it is. We need more blacks.

That's what we need. Yes. Just overall. Oh, we agree. I absolutely agree. That's something that's gotta happen. But I think Trump would do that if he's in office. But that's so wild to be

to be I yeah I guess he just did so well at being a man he's like I want to be a woman and now she's an amazing woman and she's killing it and as a beautiful girlfriend and as a beautiful girlfriend and is killing it and the girlfriend is a transvestite trans uh the the girlfriend is a transvestite? Trans, uh... The girlfriend is a trans Trump. Okay. Like she supports Trump heavily. And she's trans for Trump. Got it. Have you been to... I was on Shane Gillis' podcast and Matt McCusker... How funny are those guys? The best. Absolutely. And they said they've been at a good point. We were talking about this and it's like, that's how strong MAGA is. You're just, you'll get it.

It's like COVID, like Matt was like, it's like COVID. You're gonna get it. You can, you can, you can, even the trans people will get it. You can dye your hair blue. You can go out in the street and stomp around. Eventually one day you're just gonna get it. You'll be sitting in a McDonald's.

You'll feel a scratchiness in your throat. And the next day you'll wake up and you go, immigration is a problem. Yeah. And so did I just see David Smay yesterday? Yeah. Yeah. And was David Smay fighting a homeless guy for a hash brown?

You gotta go to the UFC fights. Do you like going or you don't like? I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I've never gone, but I'd love to go. I see all you guys go. I'll go. I'll go, I've never been. I've never gone, but I'd love to go. I see all you guys go, I'll go. I think you would just, yeah, I mean.

I would like, I like the spectacle of it. Yeah, the spectacle. I dig it. I don't know a huge amount about the sport, but I'm, I for sure. You would have so much stuff to talk about. I'd have a great time. Cause you just have, like there's just like,

you get to meet so many different people and none of the representatives are there who ruin everything. That's right. It's like just regular people. It's just cool people. Yeah, for sure. Well, there's one. I forgot about that. That's one. Yeah, you there a lot. That's spade took me to. That was fun. It's just been so fun to get to be around some of the. Oh, dude, it's so fun. It's like not even it's crazy how fun you guys seem to have. It's just been

fun. I think that's one of the beautiful, the cool side effects of also that Joe Rogan had on the comedy community. Oh, huge. Was he brought both of those worlds together? I mean, he brought. Joe brought all of these different worlds together, science, fitness, nutrition, history,

fighting, MMA, all that stuff, comedy. Like he really married all these different worlds. Yeah, people a lot of times would be like, yeah, like Shane and I were just talking the other day, Shane Gillis was saying about, yeah, people were like, if he moved to Austin, was he just moving into Rogan's universe or whatever? But I just think people talk about it a lot,

like people say, oh, you're sucking Rogan's dick or whatever. But he's just one of the most, he's one of the most, there's nobody like him. No, yeah, and Rogan's dick, whatever. But he's just one of the most, he's one of the most, there's nobody like him. No, yeah, and I don't think, I think, I think it's a, you know, like, it's one of the greatest clubs in the history of comedy. Bro, I had some of my best sets there ever recently. So like, why wouldn't, you know what I mean?

Like, I go down there when I can, like, it makes so much sense to be there. We did a show, it as me, Shane Joe, uh, and Ron White was down there, Brian Simpson, and we did a show for like law enforcement. A cop's it came. It was just, and we're making fun of them. They loved it. Like it was just one of the most fun nights of comedy that you can have.

Yeah. Yeah. And they protect the phones. There's no phone, so people can't just put stuff up and stuff like that. That's just run perfectly people can't take the phones out and start fucking around Yeah, Adam E gets down there. He does a great job You get deep Roy can't sneak in like you can't turn around you like it's deep red and nowhere I have a squatter in my womb

Whitney had a squatter in her room. It's crazy the deep row I fooled her for a year. Just a solid year. Even though she saw him on his cell phone, talking to other people in the backyard. I guess this is my six year old infant, my six day old infant. It's deep row. Like I'm having a kind of a busy flow this month.

It's courier. That had to be shocking when you have Cummins Cummings. At what point did you realize your newborn son was deep Roy? She's like, when he pronounced my last name as Cumans, I think that's probably when they had tandoori in my underpants. You didn't think it was strange that your four month old son was walking around the house on the phone with his agent?

That occasionally he would wear a turban. That was strange. You didn't find it strange that he first learned to walk on hot coals. Yes. You didn't think it was odd that he had a pet tiger? None of this was odd to you. What else did we have anything else?

Yeah, what did I, oh, what was that? Yeah, I can't believe that they said that about, oh, when Cat Williams, what do you think about the Cat Williams if you ask? I didn't see the interview, I read it because I was on a plane, I read it. I read the transcript because I couldn't, you can't get service on a plane.

I just landed, watch it. No, I just, everyone was talking about it, I just read the transcript because I couldn't you can't get service on a plane. I just landed watch it. No, I just, everyone was talking about it. I just read the transcript. Club Shay Shay. Like it was a court case. Yeah. He's the funniest guy to me. Like I, his specials when I was growing up watching them.

Oh yeah. Even when my friends would watch them and cry laughing like he's the funniest guy. Did you ever, you ever met him? Never met him. Wow. But like to me like his specials when I watch his specials It's the best thing ever club Shay Shay Shannon Sharpe's like the jacked Wendy Williams now. I feel like for sure no doubt right where is Wendy? Well, like we don't even know well, that's another people that's another a lot of the black community has said that she's been kind of

What's it calling your commandeer taking over or whatever it's I don't know like she's a Compromised yeah, like she's a plant. Who planted her? I don't know. Right. That's a thing. Well, that well, that's one thing Kat brought in a to the conversation was that a lot of fault. There's black, there's plants in the black community. Interesting. That black people feel that way. Interesting. And I thought that was interesting. And now we said Rogan had unfunny comics, remember?

Do you see that? Yes, I saw that, yeah. I don't think that, I wouldn't take that. What do you think Rogan said? He's had so many comics that have been around him. He's had so many comics that I feel like, you know, I don't know. I think he probably wasn't talking about us.

Maybe. Or he could have been. Or he could have been. And if he probably wasn't talking about us. Maybe. Or he could have been. Or he could have been. And if he was. It's nice to think about that he wasn't talking about us. Yeah, that's nice. You're right. What ego, yeah.

No, it's just nice to imagine he was talking about someone else. Yeah, that's the best part. Because all of us, when we heard that, were like, I'm sure he means someone else. Our friends, our other friends, immediately as soon as that happened, we all went, yeah, sure he means someone else. Our friends, our other friends, immediately as soon as that happened, we all went, yeah, he probably means someone else. He's talking about us.

But I don't know, but we don't know. Yeah, I mean, all it like. Could be anybody. And also if you have so many comics, come on here to your show over the years. And comedy is so, what's it called when everybody has something subjective? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like there's so many types. I'll watch and I'll watch a guy one night. I'll be like, I didn't love it and I'll watch him another night. You're like, that was the best thing I've ever seen. It goes both ways. You can hate someone and love them and then love them and hate them or hate them because you love them or love them because you hate them. There's like a weird cringe.

There's these bitches on TikTok who review restaurants in New York City and they have the most annoying voice. Oh, it's the worst. And they go, and then they're like, this steak fucks, go cry about it. Or they'll be like, this pasta was rubbery and overrated, go cry about it.

I hate them, but I can't stop watching. You understand? It's like, you just can't stop watching their things because it's just such an annoying pitch of voice. And I imagine them every time they review something, like every time they're like, this ramen fucks. Like I imagine- My pussy's horrible.

Right, I imagine them getting thrown out of a window on the Central Park West and just getting impaled on the thing. But I still watch, so. I don't know, maybe you're talking about others. Did you ever, yeah, it's just interesting to think about. Did you ever have parties, I heard like this crazy rumor that you would have parties where guys would have to bring a cake or like a nice dessert to the party

Is that a truth? No, never that I just heard that That's kind of jealous. That's just kind of a hilarious every party I've ever had I had like have it catered. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I would love that I would never trust the people that we know To bring anything of value to my house. Why would I trust so that Burke Reiser could bring an alcohol cake?

He just brings a colostomy bag of, like yeah, that's completely insane. That's a great idea. If I had a different circle of friends, it'd be a great idea. Everyone show up with like a little dessert, it'd be cool. But it would be fun, I like that that's a rumor and I want it to keep going.

Cause I'd like the rumor to be like, Tim Dillon sits on a throne and you have to go in and feed him. And Deep Roy is next to me and you have to give the dessert to Deep Roy. You can't look me in the eye. Deep Roy has to deal with these. He runs it up to your mouth.

So Deep Roy just feeds it to me and then I go yes or no. And if I say no, you have to leave. You have to take your, whatever, your beignets and leave. If I don't like it. And if you don't like it, they take whatever dessert you brought and put it on a really heavy tray. Yeah, carry it.

Carry it, yeah. Heavy tray on the way out. And then Caitlyn Jenner comes in and she's like you want something baby And then she just brings in and she just puts in its entire wedding cake You know I got to meet Mel Gibson the other night. How was he man? He's a it was really interesting It was at the Bobby Bobby Kennedy had a birthday right that I went to so I went to his birthday and I got to talk with

Mel Gibson for a while I met him at a UFC fight that was that's just one of the things that's crazy Just meet the people. People you'd never think to meet. And then, but yeah, it was just fascinating. I mean, the Patriots, one of my favorite movies ever. It's a great movie. So that was just, yeah, it was just fascinating. He's an interesting guy.

He was cool. He had some funny stories. I liked the Bobby Kennedy's like just open to having different people there. Oh yeah. It was, there was all types of interesting folks over there You know, but that was kind of fascinating. John Stockton was there the basketball player. Do you remember him? I remember I don't remember you taught jazz. Of course. Yeah, he was like that and these people are all just there

Hanging out with Bobby Kennedy just in support. Yeah friends of them Wow, John, you know the NBA logo was designed after him, wasn't it? No. Yeah, Jerry West. Jerry West. So I think that's what's cool about Robert Kennedy. It's just he's got like an open, like you might turn around with him and like sir, hands, sir, hands there, the guy who like killed his dad. Yeah. And Bobby, you know, Robert Kennedy is just like, listen, what do we, you know what I mean? We're not going to hold grudges. Yeah. He's willing to support the super past. He understands that the Vax is not great.

Like that's would be great. You just turn around and you're like, Cheryl's like sir, hands here and, you know, it's strange for Bobby, but sir, hand is the big supporter of Bobby because he's really, Sirhan's really concerned with BlackRock buying up all the houses. So we leave the past in the past and Sirhan, Sirhan get up here, you big nut. So that's what I would love to say.

You big nut. That's what I would love to see to Cheryl and Bobby in a full on embrace Sirhan Sirhan's in the middle of both of them. And Sirhan's got a Kennedy for president chart with Mel Gibson. And she's like, he canvases for Bobby. He calls people. Hi, this is Sirhan Sirhan. Yes.

The one, the same one. And I support Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Because I think the medical industrial complex should be transparent. And then like somebody on the other of the phone, South Carolina is like, what the hell is going on in this country? And then somebody would literally say they'd be like,

I wasn't sure about Sir Hans, I wasn't sure about Bobby Kennedy, but Sir Hans, Sir Han knocked on my door the other day. If he supports him, if he supports him, he really convinced me that this is the way to go. This is the right way to go here. Yeah, dude. Bro, you're so funny, man.

God, that's, I haven't laughed as much. I don't think we have a great time. It's a great podcast. In my whole life, dude. Well, that might be an overstatement, but this is fun. Well, if we had Deep Roy to come in and finish it out, like with the end Deep Roy to come in here, she would do it, she'd tax her, she'd leave her baby.

And we're like, we got a great bit, you just come in, we got Deep Roy. Well, her baby's also charming a snake, so the baby is gonna be fine. The baby's fine. Yeah, the baby is, yeah, the baby is gonna be the baby's fine yeah the baby is yeah the baby's gonna be fine yeah um but yeah I just wonder do you think there's any way that Bobby Kennedy could win well Trump could go Trump could go get arrested I don't think it'll happen

I think a lot of charges are bullshits they're all bullshit they're all like he inflated the price of a toilet he bought in Morocco it's the most ridiculous but some of the charges he also does have a like he said it Morocco. It's the most ridiculous. But some of those charges. He also does have a, they're like, he said it was marble. It's actually granite. It's like guys, remember you told us that he was like the Russian president. I remember all that.

And they couldn't prove any of that. And now they're like, he said it was quartzite. It's just quartz. That's a man made stone. You're like, guys, you went left on this. Yeah. Just didn't really, just didn't really work out. I wish you would have started that.

I would believe that he fucking that he that he, uh, shicks it a couple of construction company, a hundred percent countertop, a hundred percent. Yeah. But he, he, he could have some complications with that. But Biden could pass away. Biden has passed away. Biden, we know what they're gonna try to do to him. They're gonna have him juped or they're gonna have a fucking Pfizer is going to get involved.

They're gonna get involved. And so you have this interesting scenario where you have one candidate who's maybe in jail and the other candidate is on like an experimental new cocktail of drugs. We don't know the side effects. We have no idea what's about to happen. They could be roller skating, racism, chewing on your tongue.

We don't know what's going to happen. We don't know. And they're going to scientists, by the way, make no mistake. Scientists at Pfizer right now are sitting down with members of the Biden campaign and going, here's the bad news. We don't know what happens after. We know it gives him energy. We know it makes him clear headed.

We know it gives him the ability to speak. What can his valves handle? What PSI? What PSI can his a-orders handle right now? We don't know what else happens. So we don't have an option, but you're shooting them up with this and putting them on stage.

Do they have to debate each other? Does that have to happen? I imagine that it will. And they, I mean, you know, when it turns out you got somebody smarter than me would know. It's happened to every single election. It'd be weird if it didn't happen. Be very weird.

Wow. It would be very if it didn't happen. Be very weird. Wow. It would be very weird. And what, and anyone could throw their hat in at the last minute. Oh, you like Bloomberg tried to do, remember that? Little Mabo, anyone could come in and just, it's yours now. I mean, somebody could try.

Bloomberg got shellacked. Yeah. Gavin Newsome might try, even though he's hating, he's like on a vineyard. He's fucking hating. He's on a vineyard. He's fucking hated. He's on a vineyard somewhere, just wine drunk. Tell him people he's the president.

Just watching home cameras, making sure there's no squatters heading in. Michelle Obama could get involved. I don't think she would win, though. She, I think, had some heat, but it's kind of like died down. Well, if Trump saves, if Trump went to jail or something happened, they made it so he couldn't run. And if Biden is too old to run, Kennedy, if he could get in, could actually fucking win. That's the weirdest part.

A thousand percent, dude, a thousand percent. But, you know, because I would just love to see somebody get in who fucking thinks, hates all these monopolies and all of that kind of stuff. Like, dude, everything's starting to be the same. Like I live in Nashville and like the main, they had this quaint street there called 12 South, right? It was cute, nice, fun. Like dude, everything's starting to be the same. Like I live in Nashville and like the main, they had this quaint street there called 12 South, right?

It was cute, nice, fun. You go take a date there, you go on a walk. All the shops were like localized for the most part. And now they've just, they've taken that and they're putting in like a rag and bone. It's just, it's horrible, bro. It's all the same corporation. And it's all the same.

In New York City, they have capital one cafes Wow, they're just let they have people come to the bank. I'm pretending anymore They just want to have a latte in the bank. Yeah, they go get a latte and sit down. We talk about where you owe Let's talk about how in trouble you are come get a lot to yeah, you know what that conversation is that woman's telling her to go We're gonna shut it off. We'll shut it off. We'll shut the lights off. Yeah, you have a young, you have a young mixed lady who's applying for a, probably wants to open up a dip in dots or something

at the mall with her husband. No, somebody probably went in there and was like, I want a small business loan. And then the older woman goes, let me tell you something right now. Look at me, this coffee is the last thing you're gonna buy. We're shutting it off. We're shutting it down.

That's where they have Capital One Cafe so that you could come in there and drink coffee and be told you're done. You're like, hey. Dude, they're taking you out. Have a free coffee. No. Every consultation is like this guy telling her,

he goes, I know it's all fun and games now, but what's gonna happen is we're gonna raise the rates on all your cards, your payments are gonna go up, and we're going to begin to start putting leans and judgments on you. On your family. On your family, you won't be able to get a job. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You won't be able to get a job. We're gonna repossess your fucking uncle. And then they give you like, they take one of those, like the, like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Triple and this couple has no idea what's about to happen. So did you see that we froze your mortgage? Payments that's 18 payments a you know now we're gonna add on the back interest now watch with you Oh for $300 though If we if you let us live stream while you realize that your mortgage payments are free to be for that

It's all frozen. Yeah, if you let us last year that, we'll take $300 off of the cost of your money. I mean, this guy's like, he's like, so here's where you went into the hospital for the seizure. That's $52,000. Now, because you put that on a credit card, you are not in what's called medical debt. You are in debt to us and we will take it all. What about this Chuck Schumer guy, dude? I keep, everybody I hear about, he just like has like the whole democratic party like.

He's just a Wall Street guy. But it's like healthcare, he just has it all fucking. Well, Chuck Schumer is one of those guys who like. It's sick. He's like the Geppetto of dirty healthcare. Yeah, cause he's like beholden to Wall Street and the big companies. It's just sick man They're all old dude. All these boomers need to step aside

Our country's being run by like 80 year old boomers. Well, there's no way it just everything this guy's do it Just seems like it's all crime. It's all crime. Yeah, that's what I feel like it's all crying We're being right. It's all Batman villains. Yes, it's all Batman. It's like Dick Tracy Yeah. That's what I feel like it's all crime. We're being rights. All Batman villains. Yes. It's all Batman. It's like Dick Tracy film. Remember that? Like the lips. Lips. Nandless.

Yeah. And the prune. Yeah. It's like that's who this is the prune. There's eyebrows Harper right there. And they're like out here telling us can we watch whatever he's saying. This woman has a crazy jaw. This is about Chuck Schumer, he's like.

She's got like a Matt Rife jaw. Yes, she looks like. This woman is carved. She looks like Schwarzenegger's ex-wife, Shriver maybe? Yeah, Maria Shriver, she does have a little bit of that. She's got a very strong jaw. The nicotine pouches pose a danger to teens as they use them as an alternative to e-cigarettes.

Pouch packed with problems, high levels of nicotine. So today I'm delivering a warning to parents because these nicotine pouches... Now he's selling, you know he's selling vapes in the streets. Right after this press conference, he's got a garbage bag full of vapes and he takes them out back and just takes them out back. It just sells them to kids. Oh yeah. He, there's no, by the way, he'll get like the vape people will call him and

donate a lot of money to him. And like the next week he'll be out there. He'll be like, you know, kids are very stressed out. And is it the worst thing in the world that they go out and take a puff? Couple puffs off a pineapple father. They have the saddest names. Yeah. Right. Is this the worst thing in the world. They have the saddest names. Yeah, right. Because it's the worst thing in the world

to relieve a little stress. Yeah, watermelon, hope. You didn't get asked to your eighth grade dance. You want to go out there and just blow a little air. You want to suck a little cranberry prom pussy. Get a little peach. Peach smoke. Yeah.

Oh, this guy is, well, this right here, this is about the, are they saying they're outlawing Zins? We're at a New York knit? Yeah, they want the FDA to look into it, saying they're trying to sell the children. Dude, fuck this guy. This guy, there's nothing about this guy, to me seems trustworthy.

No, he doesn't care. He doesn't. You're right, he's selling something on the back end. He has some back end deal. He's selling something on the back end. He has some back end He's like there people coming to him going like this is in stuffs fucking up our stuff He's like, okay, he doesn't care Chuck Schumer doesn't care if kids were addicted to drugs. No, he does not care at all No, it's just I mean, but he's the one I think that has a lot to do with the monopolizing of the Well, he's you know, that's the thing man. He's just basically like, hey, I'm here to tell you

that I'm for people and he's been in there forever. You're not supposed to be there forever. So dirty. That guy's been in there forever. Do you know how dirty you have to be to be in there forever? He's forever in there. Yeah. Get him out, man.

That's the number one rule. Wall Street Money reigns on Schumer. Yeah. Get him out, man. That's the number one rule. Uh, Wall Street Money reigns on Schumer. Yeah. 11 million on the Senate since the beginning of the year. This was 2009. This guy's been doing this forever. Wow. Imagine how much money this fucking dirt ball is making. This fucking guy has been doing this forever. If you have anything to do with this, dude, to me feels like fucking bad news, bro. And you know his niece is a comedian. Is she really? Ali Wong.

Oh, I didn't even know that. And she's in beef too. I'm obviously joking. It's not Ali Wong. It's the one with the same name. Yeah. But it's not her fault. No.

It's no one's fault. Well, what he's doing is his fault. It's his fault. But if he's doing is his fault. It's his fault. But if he gave a fuck about health, unless she's selling zimbs. Right, have you crazy right? Yeah. If she's in the Zimba.

Women's lib puffers. She's like selling Zim and Vapes. To women who've been like victims of sexual assault, she's like, they should have the right to puff. They should have the right to zin. Puff the pain away. Yeah, healthy sex is the flavor of it. Yeah.

Healthy sex kiwi. But no, dude, if that guy thinks he's gonna take zins away, bro, he's out of his. Bro, you're- Dude, that's not the big, imagine looking at the world and going the biggest problem is zins. Do you know how crazy you have to be? Like, it's like Gavin Newsom,

like they were trying to ban, I forget what they were trying to ban, but they were all going nuts about something in California. I'm like, there's, there's, there's people like straight up on a one on one running across it with their dog in their hands. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. They're banning these food chemicals, which is good. That's all nice, right? California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a lion mark law aimed at banning red dye number three and other potentially harmful food additives and consumer goods. It's like, okay, that's great. But also, like, how about we address some of the other issues?

Right. Like, yeah, like the fact that some homeless people, I've said this before, stole a bunch of high school band equipment, right? And they live in the park, they live in the park near me. And the problem is they're not even good. No, they're not good at all, but hey. It's a problem. The unfortunate thing for the area is that they practice at around 2.40 in the morning.

And I respect the wanting to get good. Oh, look. I get it, because we all did that when we were starting. You've got to get the reps in. But the problem is they're not together. Because sometimes people will even hear it. It's like there's a there's you need a conductor. That's where they don't have to do not their conductor.

They is not focused. They have three drums and a second chair clarinet or floutist. A lot of them have a problem with authority. The middle of the night. You'll just hear it's like, it's sometimes it's like Benny and the Jets or it's like, it's that love the way you lie by Rihanna. It'll be like.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And sometimes you hear a little bit of it and it is impressive. Like you hear the beginning of it and you go, oh, they finally got it. And then by the middle of love the way you lie It's everyone's doing something

Because the conductor is just not focused. Yeah the conductor we need more uppers For these conductors that are living in our time keep Time and want to stand there and watch you Yeah Yeah, that's what it has to be there and watch me, bro. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it has to be. What was that article about? Was that it? Oh, but you're gonna have a better,

if you wanna take Zins away from it, you're taking fucking Zins. The last thing that's keeping people going to college. People need to choose something at this point in their life. We have adult males that whose wives have left them, they have Zin body pillows, right? That's all they can do. Yeah, you can't you'll never take our zen that guy dude

You have better luck taking guns from people than zin right zin people need it In fact, I think I would load a gun with zins, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah Walk into a capisig house and just fired into the jaws of everybody in there I'm 1000% with you you cannot take the fucking the last thing that they have no you can't you know It's just all dirty healthcare. I wonder how though. That's what I don't know. They feed us poison. So we buy their cures I Don't know what the bottom says But it's a sir hand, sir hand supports RFK. Dude, it's been, it's been quite a time.

Tim Dillon, um, I want to come on your show, man. Please next week, anytime you want, let me know. You said coming two weeks. That's great. February, like second week of February. Whenever you want to do it, we'll do it. Okay. Yeah, we have a studio in LA and New York, so whichever one you want to do, whatever

you like, LA, it's great. it's great yeah thank you for having me I always have so much fun with you dude thanks so much man dude we it's a lot of fun this is a blast ladies and gentlemen Tim Dylan thanks Tim thank you Like these leaves I must be cornerstone But when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little...