This Past Weekend - E516 Competitive Kingdom

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Starting point is 00:00:27 Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. All right, let's get some tour dates that we have. August 30th and 31st, these are new. We'll be back in Las Vegas, Nevada, at Resorts World Las Vegas. That is during LSU and USC weekend, University of Southern California. So if you wanna come laugh during that weekend,

Starting point is 00:00:51 be grateful to have you there. It's gonna be a joy. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma September 25, North Little Rock September 26, Springfield, Missouri September 27, Kansas City, Missouri, September 27, Kansas city, Missouri, September 28, Sioux fall, South Dakota, Dakota, October 10th, La Crosse, Wisconsin, October 11th, Green Bay, Wisconsin on October 12th and Moline, Illinois,

Starting point is 00:01:18 October 13th, grateful for all of those. Get your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. And there are other shows too. You can find them all on the website. And I appreciate you guys' support. I can't believe this, that we've gotten to do this. Thank you. We got new merch, guys.

Starting point is 00:01:39 We have new colorways for the Be Good To Yourself T-shirts. We have blue jean, granite, bae, and banana. Check all that and more at thetheovonstore.com, the only place we sell merch. Boom, boom, she got him. She got him. Shorty wanna thug, baby, that's what they say. That's what they say, baby. Shorty wanna thug.

Starting point is 00:02:11 Do Shorty wanna thug, though? Look at, ask Bad Baby right now. You know, Shorty don't want that thug, you feel me? Shorty don't, how about this? Shorty don't wanna thug. You feel me? Sure they don't. How about this? Sure they don't want a thug. That's a way better song. Sure they want a businessman.

Starting point is 00:02:33 Sure they want an electrician. That's what sure they want, bro. Sure they want hopes and dreams. That's it. You know know some of the songs just aren't really they're not telling the truth that's the thing cuz show they don't want the show they don't want a thug man show they want a three bedroom house with two and a half baths. Where's that song man? Where is that song?

Starting point is 00:03:13 We need real music baby. What's going on out there? What's going on you little, you little cinnamon sniffers baby? Where y'all at? Where y'all at, huh? Where y'all at? Little hyped up today, it's humid, it's the heat. This heat got me, man. This heat got me.

Starting point is 00:03:36 Bro, you take a animal outside and next thing you know, that thing's grilled. That thing is grilled, bro. You got you a little beach on or whatever you at the park and next thing, you know that thing it's grilled you'll have a couple of uh, I Don't want to say it but see hi any se You'll have them show up and be like oh so What's so happy? What's happening appetizer?

Starting point is 00:04:02 But yeah, it's just dangerous out there dangerous to hit the dog park Dangerous for anybody it's dangerous out there a lot of heat I was in Las Vegas this weekend. It was 117 degrees man. I didn't know they had that much degrees That's the kind of shit you see on the side of an oven, bro. That's just too much it's just too much degrees for a regular man or woman. So what's going on, man? I miss you guys, happy to be here today with you. I'm in the studio, I'm in the OG studio today.

Starting point is 00:04:41 So I really feel, yeah, I feel some nostalgia about that about that a lot's been going on a lot's been happening. I hope you guys are are doing well Trying to do more solo episodes because I think it's important and I miss it. I Want to let you know that I miss it Yeah, what's happening you I haven't spoken to you guys since I went to, um, I went to Ireland, brother and England and they call it the United Kingdom, but, um, but it's not, it's, I guess it's kind of United. Maybe I don't know if you're in Ireland and you're on stage and you yell out, fuck England.

Starting point is 00:05:23 They go bonkers, dude. They will start eating the freckles off of each other. They, um, so I guess it's United, but it's competitive. So that's what they should call it. Probably the competitive kingdom. I think that's very fair. Um, and even certain parts of it feel like, like in Ireland, they're like we're the real Ireland, you know and then if you get over to um You know once you get over to England like the people in Manchester, they're like fuck London You know They're posh, you know, and so there was just a lot going on man

Starting point is 00:06:00 It was just a lot to be associated with but but I want to I want to say thank you to all the people that came out over there it's important that I address that I did you know sometimes I feel like I leave a place and there's not a way to to say thank you you know I'll go do a show somewhere and I leave and a lot of times I'll be sitting in the tour bus or the car or something and I was like man I wish how do I thank all these people you know times I'll be sitting in the tour bus or the car or something and I'll just be like, man, I wish, how do I thank all these people? You know, and I'll share something on my social story or share a thank you, but I'm like, man, I just wish there was a way to thank people better sometimes.

Starting point is 00:06:41 And Ireland was pray, Ireland was, it was something else, man. Godspeed to those drunken crooners, bro Those people they will oh, they'll drink their buddy Dude, I saw a guy put a straw in his friend and fucking drink him right there All right Wow, yeah, and he was lukewarm mostly men. I want to say that in Ireland and they're going to disagree and not falling, but it's mostly men over there. I've never seen so many men in my life.

Starting point is 00:07:09 Wonderful men, you know, beautiful, semi-beautiful, off beautiful, um, and not even beautiful men as well. Um, and it's totally white, you know, whitest group, afraid of the sun, but not of the Guinness. That's, they're not afraid. That's the one thing. The Guinness, Bob. The darkest thing in the whole country is the Guinness. They didn't have any, like I, I even saw, I remember seeing one black guy and I was like, Oh my God, are you a Guinness? Like they just don't have, uh, a lot of diversity, you know? In fact, if someone there has a black child, they just name it have a lot of diversity. In fact, if someone there has a black child, they just name it Guinness.

Starting point is 00:07:49 And I'm like, well, that seems... But yeah, just a marvelous group of people over there. And in Ireland, they send, there's always the one Irish guy, none of them, they all stay inside. And they're in there drinking. And it doesn't matter where there is, it could be a home, an apartment, it could be a pet store. You open the pet store, there's a couple pets, right? And then there's like people just in there drinking.

Starting point is 00:08:16 It could be in the open, a hardware store and there's three wrenches and then 11 guys in there drinking and singing the Pogues songs. You know, it's a drinker's paradise over there. It really is. And then every now and then you'll see the one Irish guy who they send to check out to see if it's sunny outside, right?

Starting point is 00:08:38 And that's, I don't know if he lost a bet or whatever, but there's always that one Irish guy that they send out, you know, to check the weather. And it could be two degrees Celsius in Ireland, which is like 60 degrees Fahrenheit, and he'll come back in with a sunburn. It's there, anybody there, you cut a lamp on and four guys get sunburned in Ireland. It's just, all right. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:09:02 We need some aloe vera here for Brennan. So you know that's a lot of the culture even if I turn the light on on my phone right, 11 guys get sunburned immediately. You're like oh Jesus turn it off we're gonna get cancer. There's always, it's always guys it's like The hybrid there there's always it's always guys. It's like hurry They're all singing anything you don't put up anything a pothole on the street. They're in there And They're just drinking beers and singing. It's just the culture Because I grew up in New Orleans, you know, and so there, there's a lot of drunk people vomiting and like projectile vomiting and the people, you know, in the strip clubs and shit.

Starting point is 00:09:50 And like, um, but in Ireland, it's just in them, it's in them. Their bones are dirty proof. It's just built into them. Uh, so it's a different kind of thing. They're drunk, but they're just Irish. They're just Irish, you know? The crazy one is if a guy gets so drunk the freckles on his face start kind of moving around or relocating or they'll spell out things like, oh you know, Donnie needs a taxi. It'll just that the freckles will start to ask for help. That's when

Starting point is 00:10:27 a guy is too drunk and too Irish, you know? They're like, Oh, Michael needs a biscuit. You know, it'll just start saying like that. Oh, call the cops. You know, so you just have to be, you gotta be, you gotta look out for that guy. But it's a beautiful country, man. Um, beautiful people. And I guess this is how I kind of say thanks, you know, just by, um, making sure I try to reminisce, um, what else was, oh, the best thing in Ireland, they're always like, all the girls are coming.

Starting point is 00:11:05 You'll meet some fellas at a pub or something. They're like the girls, the lady, they'll be here soon. The girls are coming and you'll wait 20 minutes or 30 minutes. And the girls are never coming. There's gotta be 11 women in Ireland and they are busy. I'll say that they're busy lasses, but they're never coming. We went out a couple nights and the guys we met, they're like, all right, the girls are coming and we wait.

Starting point is 00:11:36 And they would just close the bar and send it everybody home. The girls are never coming. Um, we saw what, oh, we saw the saw the uh in Belfast and it's beautiful. Let me tell you this these places are beautiful I joke but they're beautiful they're beautiful places and the people are beautiful they really are as fascinating to see just this culture of just not obsessed with things as much as we are in the States. Just more in their moment. I've definitely noticed that about the Irish, you know? I mean the moment is a bar. I will say that the moment is a, the moment is 20 proof, but they're in it.

Starting point is 00:12:16 They're definitely in it. And we went to Belfast and they have a museum. They're like, come see the Titanic. Where did, where we built the Titanic. And I'm like, dude, I ain't gonna wanna see that, bro. The Titanic sank, bro. Why are you, why like, I don't understand, I guess. Like why if it sank, are you like, come see it? You know, you fucked it's fucking shit lot It fucking It drank the ocean brother

Starting point is 00:12:51 So I don't want to see where you made it That's not a good shop That's like in Malaysia. If they're like, oh come see where we made the plane. You're like it's fucking missing So we made the plane you're like it's fucking missing so um the girls are coming they're never coming do you get it they're never coming the girls but yeah I you know I'm joking obviously and you know what's funny though Irish and in English people you don't have to say your joke and they fucking love it. That's what I learned So maybe I'll try to say it less, you know But yeah beautiful people over there

Starting point is 00:13:35 Beautiful people in Ireland and every bar though. Yeah filled with men you open any door in Ireland It's men you open a pothole in there are drinking. You open a cupboard to get you a plate and there's six people on the plate drinking. You open an app on your phone in Ireland and there's three guys in the app drinking. You're like, what the hell is this? It's just the culture, man. You open up, somebody opened a new restaurant

Starting point is 00:14:02 and we went for the opening, grand opening. We opened the doors, there's 48 people drinking no food we went to Dublin Dublin and that's like the posh Ireland you know that's like they call it West England that's what the other parts of Ireland call it and the shows there is phenomenal we said one show you show, you know? It was good. It was really good actually. And then we went down to, to be honest, look, I'll say when they're bad.

Starting point is 00:14:30 And there's some bad ones. But this one, it was a good one. It was a good one. Sometimes you get off stage and you're like, oh, finally, it was good, you know? And I know I'm hard on myself too, but it's like, yeah, that's how I feel about it. What else happened? Oh yeah, we went down to Cork, you know, and Cork is at the bottom of Ireland

Starting point is 00:14:54 and it's a different type of place down there, you know. And you think, you know, Ireland, you think, oh, Cork, you know, they're finally going to put a cork in the bottle, you know, it'll be kind of sober Ireland or whatever You know and they're gonna get down there just living and living just comfortable lives, you know, but nah It's just drunk men drunk cattle even they had drunk cattle I saw two cows that couldn't even pay their tab at a pub and and they butchered them right there God You know just heartbreaking, you know, and the bar keep, he's like, pay your tab.

Starting point is 00:15:28 And they're like, mm. And he's like, what are you saying? He's like, mm, more beer. And then they fucking butchered him right there. But he don't, the calves don't, they don't have any hands to even pay their tab. The guy put the little like electronic pay your tab thing in the guy you know all I got the bell around her neck and there's no credit info in

Starting point is 00:15:54 it so just kind of heartbreaking to witness some of that but in Cork we performed in a tent like in a circus circus tent, it was outdoors, blue and yellow. It's blue and yellow. And there's a couple, it just, and I was like, who is going to show up to this circus tent and some fricking dogs showed up. Um, so that was crazy. That show was kind of tough. Just, ah, but it was great, man. It's just been,

Starting point is 00:16:29 you know, yeah, hope I don't sound like I'm complaining. It just, but yeah, just like, I don't know. Sometimes it all happens so fast and you wish you could hold on to it, you know? I think that's how I feel. Yeah. Sometimes it just all happens so fast and you wish you could hold on to it, you know? I think that's how I feel. Yeah, sometimes it just all happens so fast and you just want to hold on to it more. But yeah, we got to go see a dairy farmer right when we got over to Cork. The driver, our driver, his cousin or nephew

Starting point is 00:17:02 was working at a dairy farm. So we went out there and that was pretty cool we got to see the cows and just You know, I Never known that much about a cow to be honest with you, bro Some people look at me and they're like, oh, yeah, this bastard knows about cows, bro. This that little cow baby, you know Oh, yeah, this bastard knows about cows, bro. This that little cow, baby, you know Just that little fucking bulldog, bro

Starting point is 00:17:34 That little calf daddy that's how they see me like oddest little this little boy will suck on our utter You know this boy is nasty, but the truth is I don't know much about him a Lot of cows when I look at him look like they kind of remind me of Blind people a little bit And I don't know why you know I guess and I don't know if I have to know why you know, but But yeah we got to go see a dairy farm and just see what it was like and we got got to sit at the table at the farmer's table and just kind of have a meal with them and some tea. And that was awesome.

Starting point is 00:18:10 That was like the most like settled thing we did on the whole trip over there in the UK. Yeah. And it was just, but, and the girls are common. The girls are never coming guys. I don't even know how there's any people in Ireland because you need women to make People You know, I don't care how progressive you are you put two dudes in a room for a long time, dude

Starting point is 00:18:40 You open that door again, there's only going to be two people in there You need a woman bro. They're the, they're the strike to the match. The match is dumb. The strike is where you get that magic baby. And so yeah there's like everybody's like the girls are coming. They're never coming. They never showed up. We never saw one. We never saw them, lad. They didn't see it. It's a bunch of Conor McGregor fans

Starting point is 00:19:15 swearing that the girls are coming. And I don't know where the girls are. I don't know. At the dairy farm, that's the most females I saw. That was it, you know? And some of them were cute I'll say it you know depending on how cold it gets some of them were cute yeah and the best but yeah the wildest thing about Ireland is the craziest thing you can do you can go on stage you can say fuck England and they will go ape shit they will start eating

Starting point is 00:19:42 the freckles off their face. They'll fucking They'll start licking the sunburn off their buddy. They'll do it all you know They really they love to say that over there But then I would then we went to England and We couldn't say that anymore on stage because we were in England and England was great, dude that anymore on stage because we were in England and England was great, dude. You know, I think people know I've had some history with the British over the years, you know, um, you know, cause we used to be British or whatever. If you look at the Christopher Columbus, the Bible or whatever, we left we're like we're out you know shorty want a

Starting point is 00:20:28 thug bro so we left but then um so I was always like well why would you know you know it's not going you know you want to stay where you are you know you're you're moving forward you know you know they say you can't go home again. You know, it's like that Miranda Lambert song. It's just like, you don't want to go back. It's not the same. But it was great, man. It was so great, dude.

Starting point is 00:20:59 So I'll say fuck England when I'm in Ireland, but when I get to England, dude, I'm not saying it anymore I had a great time. We went to Manchester and One of the best shows some amazing shows in London were playing during the soccer match What was going on we had a mere K on tour with us Shane Todd was there If you haven't gotten to check him out, man, he's just such a joy to be around. Jimmy Carr showed up and did a guest set in London along with Katherine Ryan. And so that was really cool. I, you know, just that kindness of them to say, Hey, I'd love to come and,

Starting point is 00:21:47 um, and be on the show. And that meant a lot to me. You know, I felt really, really welcome there. And it was also a time when the soccer was kicking off in, in, uh, in the UK. So, uh, so people in England were hyped, bro. Harry Kane, Harry Kane. People kept yelling Harry Kane at me and I thought my penis was hanging out. I'm like, Oh shit, I'll wax it. You know, but um, but yeah, I just want to say thank you to everybody that came out over there. It's just such a crazy experience to go to another country and people come out to the show, you know, and then you're worried that like people don't like, they don't know what you're talking about or that you have to change your references or whatever.

Starting point is 00:22:28 But that's not the, you know, some of that's all in my head. So I think like in the first shows of, in Ireland, I was like worried, like there's this exchange rate or whatever, but it's not necessarily the case. So, yeah. So that's what it was like over there. I'm trying to think of anything else kind of wonderful that happened, I mean, it was just fast. You know, it just all, it just happens at the speed of life.

Starting point is 00:23:00 And sometimes it feels quicker than we wish, you know. It feels quicker than we wish. It feels quicker than we wish. Sometimes I feel like life wants to just, like minutes are just faster than they used to be. Like even minutes, they wanna get done with it. They're like, let's get done with it. They're like, I'm just a minute, I'm just gonna hurry. It just used to feel like things were a little bit slower. Are you struggling with keeping your website up to date and running your business?

Starting point is 00:23:33 Well now you can binge all the web design and digital marketing you want with Modify. Modify helps you with unlimited web design and redesigns, unlimited website updates, 24-7, Support and Digital Advertising. They designed my website and I'm grateful for that. They've done it for the past maybe three and a half years and it's been a good experience with them. You know, they call it the last website you'll ever need because you start this program with

Starting point is 00:24:00 them and then you just keep moving forward. They take care of the rest. You get a designated designer and support team. Consider updating your existing website or getting a new one. Visit Modify.com slash T-H-E-O for 50% off. The last website you'll ever need. M-O-D-I-P- P H Y.com slash Theo. Um, what else is going on, dude? Uh, Joe Biden, he's I love this bro. Joe Biden has decided now that he's running for president.

Starting point is 00:24:42 Now everybody knows that, or if you don don't and if you don't know I I don't my issue with Democratic Party is taking advantage of a senior citizen that's my issue. I think that they should have taken Bobby Kennedy on and brought him into the fold I think that he is a plausible candidate who's willing to talk about real shit that's how I feel. he is a plausible candidate who's willing to talk about real shit. That's how I feel. He's a plausible candidate that's willing to talk about real things and not only just wait for the question to come at him, but to say, this is what I want to do. And when he says it, you believe him. I think people are like, he's bat shit

Starting point is 00:25:21 crazy. Yeah. Well, everybody's bat shit crazy, dude. Okay, Jim Henson put his hand up a little bodies and made the Muppets, dude. You don't think that was fucking crazy? Yeah, it was, dude. So I just did, I've never liked that. I known that this guy is not doing well. You know, my father was a senior citizen when I was born, so I don't like the taking advantage of somebody

Starting point is 00:25:51 who is not mentally well. It's fucked up. It's f— I don't care who you are. I don't care what you think. It's messed up. And they was doing it. They was puppeting an old fucking Joey B son and so here's the here's the hilariousness of it so he's been experiencing dementia for a while

Starting point is 00:26:13 right I think that's been pretty obvious and now they kept telling him so much like these puppeteers whoever they are we don't know who they are but we know, well, you know, they are, uh, they've been saying like, you're the president, Joe, you're the guy, you're the president. And now when they're like, you're not, you can't do it. He's like, he, now he's the president. It's almost like you convince a puppet that they're real for so long and suddenly they fuck they believe it. So it's just gotten crazy.

Starting point is 00:26:51 You know, it's like, if we can't control Biden, how can we control AI? You know, we can't even control B A I D E N dude. It's a wrap, bro. It's a rap bro. It's a rap so All this shit to me is just kind of hilarious I think we need more parties. We need more possibilities I think we die. I think the CIA CIA and the FBI are corrupt. I believe that we are living in a very corrupt Experience with our government, that's really what I believe that we are living in a very corrupt experience with our government. That's really what I believe.

Starting point is 00:27:29 And I don't believe that on the individual. I don't think that the individuals are. I want to say that. You know? But I think that the powers that are pushing them are. Because I don't believe that on an individual level. Anyway, sorry, that's a lot of politics from me, but I'm so excited now.

Starting point is 00:27:57 I'm so, because imagine you build a character on an NBA 2K or something, right? Or a 7K or whatever it is now. And then finally, you log in one time or something right or 7k or whatever it is now and then finally you log in one time you want to use your character whatever and your character just fucking looks at the screen and gives you those Nate Diaz number ones baby in middle fangies and then he just does his own shit on the game and you just have to watch so that's what I'm told. I am hyped about this, about Biden. Just because it's all, that's what you get.

Starting point is 00:28:31 That's what you get for telling a puppet that it's real the whole time. Anyway, so not to get super political, but those are just some of my thoughts. I'm always about the underdog. You know that, a lot of I'm always about the underdog. You know that a lot of times I'm about the underdog. And I felt like what they were doing to Joe Biden, whatever you think about him politically,

Starting point is 00:28:56 what they're doing to him, I thought was fucked up. You know, if I sat in a room with a senior citizen and I knew something was not well about him, and I said things to him or made him believe things to take advantage of him That's that's a sick person that would do that You know, that's If if that happened to my father, I've said this before somebody did that to my father I would fucking take their legs off their body

Starting point is 00:29:24 And hide him in their cousin's ass dude that's who I am you know I there's just nothing sicker to me than that it's like there's people that call old people and try to sell them gold and cheat them out of their money all that shit or the those the Nigerian scammer people I know that they're just trying to make money in their country but I just taking advantage of senior citizens just fucking That shit fucking makes me angry bro, and I'm sorry to use a lot of profanity today What else is going on Sorry, this is all over the place, but ah you know I've never known what this show is, and so this is what it is.

Starting point is 00:30:06 I went to a WNBA game, I'll say it, dude. A lot of guys are afraid to say it, you know? And I will say that I promised my father on his deathbed that I would not go to a WNBA game. That was like his one promise or whatever. WNBA game. That was like his one promise or whatever. And I probably, you know, and I felt, of course I won't go. And he goes, oh, your mother, if your mother found out you went to a WNBA game, she'd roll over in her grave. And I said, I remember being like, well, mom's not dead yet. And he's like, she's dead on the inside. That's what he said. Oh

Starting point is 00:30:48 Dad that's crazy. I mean maybe but that's crazy But no, I love you mom, um, but but I went to a game man. I Went to a game this past weekend in Las Vegas I'm a Kate Martin fan I'm not gonna sit in the closet anymore. I am a Kate Martin fan. I became an Iowa Hawkeyes female basketball fan. I did. And a lot, you know, for some people it's almost like admitting that they're using drugs or whatever. For me it's not like that. I became an Iowa Hawkeyes fan. Female hoops.

Starting point is 00:31:32 I mean, they put up way more points than the Iowa men's football team. So right there, if you even want to see a point scored, you gotta watch them. If you're even anywhere near Iowa city. So, um, but yeah, so I went to a Kate Martin game and I got to see her play dude. And I was fucking excited, man. I'm not gonna. And I'll say this, this is the best thing. Um, the best thing that I didn't realize is, uh the player, as a guy, you're sitting there, you're watching the game. And first of all, it's super relatable.

Starting point is 00:32:12 And I'll tell you why. Because a lot of times you'll see the women driving to the hoop and they can't dunk, right? They can't dunk. And that's fine. But to me, it's the most relatable thing I've ever seen. I can't dump, you know, at this point in my life, I can't dump. So if I'm going to the hoop and I got a layup, it's the, there's nothing more relatable to a white guy than driving to the hoop and you can't dump. So at that moment, I was like, holy shit, this is the most relatable moment of my whole life.

Starting point is 00:32:48 I can't really relate to all those bangers that are out there in the NBA. All those Viancé Carter's baby, them Vince Connors. I can't re you know, I can admire it, but I can relate to it. But when you see somebody coasting through the lane or trying to figure I can admire it, but I can relate to it. But when you see somebody coasting through the lane or trying to figure it out, catching a bounce pass, and they're going up, and the only thing they can do is lay up, bruh, as a white, off-white, semi-Nicaraguan guy,

Starting point is 00:33:24 I can relate a thousand percent. So that's one thing that I realized it was so relatable about the games, man. The second thing that I thought was really fascinating is as a man, some of the players you're attracted to them. You know, you're watching the players and a lot of, a lot of, they're women. So if you's a man that likes a woman, then you, you know? So it's weird.

Starting point is 00:33:56 So it's like, you know, at the men's game, that never happens. I'm just kind of marveling at the athleticism. I'm hoping that none of the players are trying to bang my girl or whatever. Um, just usual shit. But as at the WNBA game, you're like, damn shorty shorty shorty. It's shorty wanna comic.

Starting point is 00:34:21 You know, you just, it's different. So I realized that I thought that was interesting just to have this element of like, oh, I'm attracted to some of these gals, bruh. And some guys you like, I will never be attracted, bruh. Go to the games, dude. Go to the games, bruh. See if some of these beautiful broads don't hit a three pointer and your butt starts sweating a little. All right?

Starting point is 00:34:53 Live your life. Oh, when I'm messing up people. So yeah, so just been praying about a lot of that kind of stuff, man. But that was, so just Been praying about a lot of that kind of stuff man, but that was so those were some things about the WNBA game That I really loved And I know it sounds crazy to say that I'm sorry dad I'm sorry dad But

Starting point is 00:35:22 Asia Wilson broke the franchise record I didn't know there was a franchise but it doesn't matter she broke the franchise record and this is one of the best things that The WMB has going for it as well. I Think this is my opinion my opinion means nothing Means nothing that you could feed it to a fucking baby. You could feed it to a B Sean But the fact that Sean. But the fact that the best team in the league right now is in Las Vegas. So you have so many people that are just in Las Vegas that are there, you know, touristing. So if they go see a team, bro, they're gonna see the best team. So I'm

Starting point is 00:35:58 not sure if that's by design. You never know. That's the dark arch is the people in the distance. You don't know what they're doing, but, um, but yeah, it was just, there's just so many different little elements that kind of happen at a WNBA game. And some people are going to chirp me or whatever for having gone. I look, you know, um, you know, I'm an underdog. I've, you know, that's where I'm at. So, but yeah, it was okay. It was, it was a great, it was a, I had a great time, man.

Starting point is 00:36:33 It was fine. It just, and I'll say this, the games are a little shorter. It's a little quicker. Um, and you're attracted, you're attracted to some of the ladies on the court. So, you know, they got, it's like, damn. And you, it's just, there's a different thing going on when you are a man at the game, I think. And that's okay, man.

Starting point is 00:36:54 It just is what it is. And so, I had a great time with my family. Dude, I had an amazing, some of my best, the best shows I've had in the past few years were throughout Idaho and Utah this week. I want to thank everybody that came out. That really meant a lot. Just even being in Las Vegas, you know, just getting to be in Las Vegas, dude, it's like you go to Las Vegas and the freaking advertisement goes by and it's me, you know?

Starting point is 00:37:21 And I sat there with my mom and we rode in together from my brothers because we spent, um, we spent, uh, fourth of July with my brother. He lives in Springdale, Utah, and it's, there's nobody, it's 250 people there. And, um, and he likes it. He likes the place and he likes being there. And it was just nice, man. I got to go to lunch with my nephew and just be like, you know, what's going on, bro, you know, and talk about his life and stuff. And, um, yeah, that was cool.

Starting point is 00:37:56 It made me feel, it was nice. I'm thankful to God that I got to have that kind of moment just where, you know, we got to go together and then I'm able, you know, I'm thankful to God that I got to have that kind of moment. Just where we got to go together and then I'm able, I'm trusted to take my nephew out to lunch and we just had a nice time. We drove around and just talked stuff. Cause I think maybe sometimes for nephews, some things they can't talk about their dads with,

Starting point is 00:38:19 I don't know, but it was just cool. Yeah, that made me feel like, like I had some value, you know, like important, like, or just like familially, like family importance or whatever they call it. But yeah, we got to draw, we rode back in with my mom and she came to my show on Friday night. And if you were at that show in Vegas, it was pretty cool. You know, I know my, you know, me figuring out like my like, yeah, I mean, my mother

Starting point is 00:38:59 and I had a tough time growing, you know, we've had a tough time over the years and uh but she still stays, she you know, she listens to every episode of this show, you know, which is kind of wild because um she couldn't be there when I was young, you know, but I'm now, you know? And so it's just, I feel, I don't know, it just, you know, and some of that's been, it's been hard for me to like, evolve, like, you know, to forgive my mom and stuff, but yeah, I'm grateful that, you know, even the, like, I'm just grateful that my mom has been patient while I'm trying to figure this out and go through it. And it's gotten a lot better, you know, um, it's gotten a lot better.

Starting point is 00:39:58 And I'm just, I'm really thankful to God for that, you know, to the powers that be in the world because I didn't know, you know, I don't know. Sometimes I never knew if I would have any other feelings towards my mom other than discomfort. And that's not the case now. I have like feelings that pop into my head where that are new and different. So I'm just yeah, I'm just thankful that um yeah I'm thankful about that. But it was just fun you know that she got to come and see me do what I like to do.

Starting point is 00:40:45 You know and so I'm just, you know, I'm just grateful for that. Cause every kid just wants to make their mom or dad proud. You know, that's all they want to do. That's it. I don't, you know, I mean, they want to steal their parents' car sometimes too, but outside of that, you know,

Starting point is 00:41:04 and they want to fricking hook up with a string or with like some somebody from down the street when their parents are out of town or whatever. But outside of that, dude, all they want to do is make their parents proud, you know? So. So that was really special to me. What else is going on? Sorry if I'm rambling. We haven't even gotten into any of you guys' calls and really why I feel the only reason I even want to do these episodes is so I can check in with you guys, bro.

Starting point is 00:41:36 No cap, for real. Sorry to say no cap at my age. And so I asked in the past, the last solo episode episode and I tried to solo episodes are kind of linked. And so if you're not familiar with this podcast or if you're new to it, solo episodes are kind of linked. And so I asked in the past who listens to the episode. So I'm just going to rattle off a few of them right here. Here we go. Hi, Theo. My name Zeta, and you're wondering what people do for work. So I'm telling you what my job is, I grate beef, yeah,

Starting point is 00:42:12 and I'm kind of a bigger girl if you know what I'm saying, so it's kind of embarrassing, because people probably think I'll sneak a snack or something, but my job basically is like, when you go to the grocery store, and you buy a ri rib eye steak or something and it says like Pine rib eye or choice rib eye select or whatever. That's what I grade pretty cool job I love my job. I love your job and I love you too. Thank you for grading that beef shorty. Give me a C-plus

Starting point is 00:42:41 I'll be good as who I am No saying give me a 75 baby. I be good as who I am. You know what I'm saying? Give me a 75 baby I'm good as long as it looks. As long as you don't see my meats contaminated baby. We good, you feel me? Who else listens to the show? Hey Theo, this is Neil in Wisconsin just checking in out here delivering carbon dioxide also known as CO2 also known as carbonation kind of make sure that everybody's sodas are fizzy and remain that way gang gang amen baby keep it fizzy out there baby keep them bubs bubbing dog you know what i'm saying you that You that Champagne, baby. You the Champagne in my life, Daddy. Let's hear more, dog.

Starting point is 00:43:27 Who else listens to the episodes? KPL, I work as a social worker. Oh, damn. In jails here in Nevada. I just want to let you know, I listen to the pod. You're always playing in the background while I'm sitting here at the jail after I see everybody and just wanted to give you a call and say thank you. I appreciate what you do. I'm out there talking to people keeping them going and you're back here

Starting point is 00:43:59 talking to me keeping me going. Thank you. Oh thanks. Yeah I always wanted to go to jail and uh and I might sometime. I don't know. We'll see how bad my marriage is one day if I get married. But thank you love. I appreciate that and thank you for keeping them boys going. I know people make mistakes and they still need to they still deserve to help to get help and they need the most help sometimes. Baby, praise God you feel that on me gang, gang. Let's hear another one. Hey, Theo, this is Danielle from Illinois. Danielle, Illinois, baby, let's hear it.

Starting point is 00:44:33 I'm a beauty school dropout turned production welder and I just heard your pod merging where you asked what everybody does for a living. So I figured I'd call in and let you know Amen, baby. Thank you for calling use a welder. Huh you welding that bead work, huh? I feel you baby. Won't you frickin? Me up a little steak baby. That's what I would like to see somebody that we you know Steak by welder and that bitch is a fucking grill do it down That thing look like a bucket down dark McNugget, baby. Damn, baby. Praise God. Let's hear more My name's Payton and I am a school nurse and I absolutely love your podcast

Starting point is 00:45:19 It's one of my favorites. I just sit here dying. Well, thanks, Peyton. I appreciate you. I appreciate you for listening and God, the school nurse, dude. If you got a school nurse that was hot, dude, it was like, God, just praying for cancer or whatever. Onward. I adored your podcast with Melissa Ansel, the school lunch lady. It was hilarious and so relatable. Oh yeah. She's on that lunch game, baby. A lot of broads in that, in them meal streets. Hear more?

Starting point is 00:45:57 I just wanted to call in and let you know that I was a nurse and I love you. And I do have a question. How hot is Joe Brogan in person? that I was a nurse and I love you. And I do have a question. How hot is Joe Brogan in person? Well, Joe is a handsome guy. He has a great smile. That's one thing about Joe. When he smiles, it like,

Starting point is 00:46:22 it's awesome. He is very fit. Um, I think he's a handsome guy. I'm not a woman. I don't know how, you know, women's see handsome, but for a man that's, uh, I think of him as a, um, he, as a handsome guy for sure. Um, he is people ask me about Joe Rogan all the time. Literally, I feel like I'm Joe Rogan, like I feel like I'm a secretary's phenomenon for Joe Rogan.

Starting point is 00:46:52 Or like I'm like that, whoever the speaker of the house is or something. It's a lady with the curly hair for Biden who they always ask her questions. I think Joe Rogan is very smart. That's one thing about, about him. People try to label him, I think as different things sometimes or what he is a smart guy. He has a great memory.

Starting point is 00:47:16 You can't really lie to him because he, uh, he remembers. So if you tell him some shit, it's just like, you know, he remembers. Um, and it's also nice that he remembers. So if you tell him some shit, it's just like, you know, he remembers. And it's also nice that he remembers. It makes him very endearing, you know, because he remembers things about you and about the world. And yeah, he's like a library. That's one thing that I really think about him. It's like if they could make a library person, it's Joe Rogan, you can kind of show up to the desk and ask, hey, do we have a book about this? And he will go into his memory because he's had so many conversations

Starting point is 00:47:58 and informative conversations, and he will share what he can remember or what he knows. And that's one thing that I think is very fascinating about him. He's a fascinating man. He really is. And then when you get to go watch him do the UFC, it's just like, he I just feel so lucky that he He helped a lot of comics hell and Fighters UFC people kind of connect in some weird way So yeah, but that's what he's like I think

Starting point is 00:48:42 Yeah, and I think that's exactly how I Think about him and I know if yeah if I reach out to him about something, he's willing to be helpful. And I also know he's a very busy guy, so I respect his time. But yeah. What else is going on? Thank you guys for calling in. Let me know who listens. Yeah, hit the hotline, 985 five six six four nine five zero three. Just let me know who listens. I just want to know who's out there.

Starting point is 00:49:08 Um, yeah. What else, man? Uh, let's hit the news really quick. We got some, we have some callers that called in about their first time. Uh, somebody touching their genitalia. We're going to get to that shortly. And then a few other callers that called in, um, what's in the news today? Oh, Biden's spotlight support for NATO as he looks to summit, help

Starting point is 00:49:32 reset stumbling campaign. Um, Oh, I already talked about that. Yeah. That Joe Biden wants to be the president. Now they told him he was the, you tell him he's the president for so long. And then he just walks off believing he's the president, baby. Let him cook, son. Let him cook, bro.

Starting point is 00:49:49 That's where I'm at. He's our Biden Stein, baby. He's our prez Nokia, baby. You jepettoed him now. Let him cook. Let him install. I want handicap rails along the Mississippi river. I want a free jello for anyone who can whistle. I want free

Starting point is 00:50:07 readers digest for all natural born citizens. Let him cook baby. Let I, I'm just so excited now that they made somebody believe something. And now they, that dude is like, no, you're not telling me I'm not the president. I'm running, bro. Things could not get any crazier, man. And so that's gotta be, we have to look at it, I think, as in the excitement part, you know? Is pornography causing a problem in your life?

Starting point is 00:50:40 That's a good question. It's a real question, it has in mind. It has at certain periods in my life. Watching porno and everything and watching porno was making me, it was ruining my life. It was ruining my life, man. Made me feel just so much shame. That's what it did. Well, watching pornography has become commonplace today.

Starting point is 00:51:03 And oftentimes men will use porno to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety and depression. That's why I want to introduce you to my friend, Stephen Wolt. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery. He is a dear friend of mine. He is a dear friend of mine. And Valor Recovery is a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. That's right, their coaches are in long-term recovery and they will be your partner, mentor,

Starting point is 00:51:33 and spiritual guide to transcend problematic behaviors. There is zero commitment if you reach out to them. It's just the first step in trying to figure out if you may need some help, if you can get some help. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at ValorRecoveryCoaching.com or email them at admin at ValorRecoveryCoaching.com. The links will be on the YouTube. And again, there's no commitment when you reach out to them. But I promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching out and figuring out if, what type of help, if any, could benefit you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:52:21 What else, man?? Yeah you know what actually I want to share this dude. I am, this is true for me, let me see. I am as of today. I want to let you know that I am 36 days off of masturbation and I am 42 days off of pornography. And that for me is awesome. That is awesome. You know, some people don't worry about that kind of stuff, you know, and that's fine. But for me, a lot of my life, like, if I felt uncomfortable, like, you know, one day I should do an episode probably maybe about this kind of stuff, but yeah, when I was young, I didn't, you know, I had a lot of trouble relating to women or talking to women.

Starting point is 00:53:26 I was very scared of women and dating. I think a lot of it was I didn't have a connection with my mother. And I've talked about that. I'm not trying to beat that dead horse. Because of that, when you don't have a connection with your mom, that's your first connection with the woman. So I went into the world and I was just so scared. I just was so scared of any connection, any intimate connection with a female.

Starting point is 00:53:55 And so when pornography came along, it was easy. It was like, oh, I can have some form of intimacy, but it's not, it's not real. It just, it filled like this space that was huge in me. I didn't know how big it was at the time. And so that for a long time, anytime I had a feeling or anything, I would watch pornography or something where I would masturbate or do something like that,

Starting point is 00:54:20 because I just didn't know how to handle any of my feelings, especially if it was a feeling about like, um, maybe dating or intimacy or whatever. I don't know. I don't know a lot of it. I'm still learning about, but, um, but yeah, so to have this break, uh, to have this like space and yeah, I mean, I've had date, you know, it changed over time, like it got better, but it still was always this thing like,

Starting point is 00:54:50 where if I felt uncomfortable, then that, you know, I would resort to that. Cause it would make me feel something. It would make me feel some connection, even if it wasn't real. So, yeah, I'm just, I haven't had this kind of a time in my life where I've had that long off of those things. And so I'm just really thankful for that, man.

Starting point is 00:55:17 You know, and yeah, I started working with my buddy, he works at this Valor Recovery. We do ads for them sometimes. We do pro bono ads for their company because I believe in what they do. Yeah, so anyway, maybe one day I'll do like a more episode about that kind of stuff, about being addicted to that sort of thing and that sort of thing.

Starting point is 00:55:43 Maybe it would be something to do. Anyway, let's get to some calls, man. You guys have spent your time calling in. I want to see a lot of people have called in. The last solo episode we talked about the first time somebody ever touched your genitalia, which is a very important time in somebody's life. Because for most of your life, your genitalia, it's yours. It's yours. 99.9% of the time, it's yours. It's your junk.

Starting point is 00:56:16 It's your little fucking dirty little secret. But sometimes you let other people touch it and you let them get involved with it. And so that's what I wanted to figure out and see if we could get to some of those calls right here actually. Yo, Theo, it's Mike from the Quad Cities. What's up, Mike? Quad Cities over there. And I believe that that's Moline.

Starting point is 00:56:43 Let me see. Quad Cities, IOS, Moline Bettendorf, Davenport, Rock Island, and Moline, we're coming to Moline as well, man. Let's hear more. Illinois, Rock Island. Calling about the statement you made regarding when's the first time someone touched your genitalia oh yeah baby

Starting point is 00:57:06 that first junk fucking toooch baby cuz there's nothing, cuz your whole life you've had your penis you don't even know when you're a kid you even have a penis but then you get to like twelve and you're like holy shit dude i got this wand on me or you're a woman you're like holy shit you know i got this pocket on me you know i got this fucking little party oyster on me what do I do let's hear more besides myself it was I was on the basketball court at the fitness center I was playing a five-on-five full court and we was playing with a group of older people

Starting point is 00:57:40 they was probably 14 and they was probably around 40. I don't know. And there was a female one of them and she was guarding me and I cut to the hoop and she cut to the drawers. You know what I'm saying? She rubbed her hand across that shaft. Well homie, you got molested buddy. And I'm not a cop or anything. I'm not a detective for sure dude. I can't even find my sandals that I fucking, I swear to God they were at my apartment. But yeah, you got molested man.

Starting point is 00:58:17 I'm sorry to hear about that. Let's hear another one. What do we got here? Theo, this is Jaden from Indiana. He told us to call in about the first time somebody touched your genitalia. And I have a vivid memory of that, which was I had this gal over to my house when I was about 16. And, you know, it was the first time I had her up to my room.

Starting point is 00:58:41 Oh, bro, the first time somebody comes to your room. It's so crazy. You're you don't even know what to do, dude. It's so the first time a girl comes to your room, you're less like what? I've only seen this on the internet. Sorry, man, I just had to relive that moment. It's such a moment. Onward, brother. I don't mean that. I'm not trying to be creepy or nothing, but. We are creepy, brother.

Starting point is 00:59:14 We're all creepy, dude. This is the first time we were alone together. So it just destined to happen that something was gonna go down. And I remember the very first two minutes of my bro just tell us what happened dude this guy's just draw Jesus bro tell us what happened onward very first-hand job you know my cousin walks into my door and my door was a blanket tacked up to the door frame, you know, just covering the doorway there

Starting point is 00:59:47 Bro, get a freaking door, dude You're trying to get a hand job behind a blanket dude. Like you're some kind of magician Get a door whitey Fuck dude. I hate that kind. I'm sorry to be upset with you. So I'm like you seem like a great guy but I I when people Get a door man. You have a whole room and you don't have a fucking door Let's hear more This guy just bust through my blanket door. What it's a blight. It's not a door. Don't say it's a door

Starting point is 01:00:21 tree fort whatever you want to call it of a door and He's like, Oh my God, don't ever let me see you doing that again. Like, dude, this is my room and here you come in through my fucking blanket door like an animal. And, uh, it was just something else, brother. Well, you put up a damn doggy door, dude. You can't be shocked if somebody runs in through a damn doggy door, homie get well, homie. Praise God, brother.

Starting point is 01:00:53 Let's hear more, dude. Hey Theo. My name is Mandy on your most recent episode. You asked people to call in about the first time that they, um time that someone ever touched their genital area. Show me that. Yes, ma'am, I did. Thank you for calling in about that. Onward.

Starting point is 01:01:16 And my now husband, we've been dating since we were both 15. So when he was over at my house, my parents, they were out in our hot tub and it was just us in the living room. And we were watching the movie Waterboy. Whoa, whoa, if somebody touches your fricking junk to Waterboy.

Starting point is 01:01:41 Let's hear more. And we started like making out and kissing and I was wearing these like dark jeans and he started to like put his hand down there and started like, you know, rubbing the area. But oh my God, he's a pervert. But obviously, you know, we're 15. We don't know what we're doing. He's like kind of, you know, being a little aggressive, but a little hard. Well, my mom came in from inside and so we like panicked and like jumped up and then

Starting point is 01:02:12 we looked at his hand and his hand was dyed blue, like his fingers were dyed blue from rubbing my jeans so hard. And then this is kind of awkward because we were only 15, so we couldn't drive home. So then my mom had to drive him home. Sounds a little awkward But after that, you know, that was the first time so after that we got kind of into it and handed up Riding his bike through a blizzard fear for a few miles to come Do it Wow, you wrote a bike through a blizzard to come, dude. That's crazy.

Starting point is 01:02:49 That's the kind of shit that I'm like, what? But you know, we've all done things to ejaculate or to, I don't know what women do, but to, or you know, to pretend we're ejaculating Wow route a bike through a blizzard To come that's unbelievable well But yeah, oh I can really the jeans the pant rubbing dude. I remember all this is horrible One of the first time I got it so this girl, like there was these two girls in school when

Starting point is 01:03:27 I was in like seventh or eighth grade and they were like, they had like drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes and they were like, they knew about the world, you know, like they'd probably like played with their, you know, vaginas or whatever. And so my buddy and I went over there and I'm like, dude, we can't go over there, dude. These girls are like real girls. Like we can't handle that. Look at we're fucking idiots, dude. You know, we're eating lifesavers and stuff. We can't.

Starting point is 01:03:59 What are we going to do? We go over and this one girl I rubbed on her. I just remember rubbing on her pants so hard and she had had, she was dealing with a menstrual cycle. She was dealing with a menstrual cycle that had come in or whatever. And I just remember just, I mean rubbing on her like a damn genie lamp. I mean just wishing, just wishing. And at a certain point you could see that it was like, hey dude, this ain't the time to be using this lamp. So it's just, I don't know. Feel bad about some things, but yeah, riding, driving through a blizzard to ejaculate

Starting point is 01:04:50 is insane, let's hear more. But again, so yeah, and now we're married. Oh, you're married now. Well, that's beautiful. Man, God loves and God lives, that's beautiful. Wow. Oh man, that's good. Thank you so much for telling us that. Let's hear another call that's beautiful. Wow. Oh man, that's good. Thank you so much for telling us that.

Starting point is 01:05:07 Let's hear another call that came in. And this is about the first time somebody ever touched your cross because there's, you know, there's some times in your life you remember. There's times in life you don't. First time you went to Burger King. Who gives an F, dude?

Starting point is 01:05:21 My mom used to work there, I actually just found out that this weekend. Thanks mom for waiting your whole life to tell me stuff about you. Let's hear another call. Hey Theo, man the first time that I got my genitals touched was about 13. I just hit puberty and uh, it was my 60 or 70 year old doctor Seemed like after I hit puberty

Starting point is 01:05:50 He would always ask my mom to go out in the hallway and so we can do the whatever and they fill me up And tell me to do different tasks and stuff like that. So it was definitely my doctor It sounds like you got molested buddy. And I'm not trying to accuse anybody. I don't know the guy, but if you stand in there and the guy is like, I'm going to hold your penis while you cough the star spangled banner or whatever, then you were getting molested dude. You know, you know,

Starting point is 01:06:22 if the guy's like, I'm going to hold your penis while you cough the lyric or, you know, while you cough the beat to, um, forgot about Dre, then you got molested. You know, and it's nothing personal and I feel sorry about it. I don't know how else to say it. Um, but yeah, but yeah, man, you just got to take care of yourself dude, and I hope you're doing better now. And I really do hope that man. I really do. And I love you, man. Let's hear what else is going on. Let's hear another call. Hey Theo, this is Yvonne from Texas. Hey Yvonne from Texas, thank you for calling.

Starting point is 01:07:06 I have a very interesting story for you. So I'm black, right? Okay, and that's fine. I know a lot of black folks. Onward. And I was chatting it up with this white guy, right? That's like 40-ish minutes away from me. And so he called me off Snapchat, right?

Starting point is 01:07:33 So like, we're on a call. And then he says that if I was a slave, he would buy me. And the worst part about that story is that it turned me on a little bit. So I don't know what are your thoughts on that? I mean, you know, I think, well, different things turn different people on, you know? There was a time in my life where I would put chocolate

Starting point is 01:08:04 on women's back, you know And call them chocolate backs or whatever and that shit wouldn't You know make me would you know turn me on and make me want to just fucking wreck Just really just rattle inside of them inside of those women and there's You know, I think if he said if you were were, I mean, this is crazy to be saying. If he said, if you were a slave, I would buy you. But then what would he do?

Starting point is 01:08:35 Would he set you free? I think that would be my question. Because if not, this guy is a sex trafficker. You know So that's where I'm at. I would find out the next chapter of this book You know how many years of slavery, you know, that's what I would find out Because that's some that's some wild shit But then I you know, I think there's some people that don't care

Starting point is 01:09:00 You know a lot of some of that stuff it just it's so far in the past Some people are able to just look past it and they think that it's it can be okay It can be a Halloween costume or whatever. We had a Halloween costume one time It was a mixed couple that showed up to our door and They were like in like a slave and like slave owner role or whatever and the and the woman had the guy on a leash or whatever and the woman had the guy on a leash or whatever. So, you know, some people it might be like a party thing. I don't know what kind of parties there are out there. Like if there's like any like,

Starting point is 01:09:37 like Harriet Tubba Palooza or whatever. I don't know the kind of stuff that's happening. I don't know, I'm attracted to black women. I think some of them are taller than me, but some of them aren't. But I don't know, I don't know anything. But I hope you guys are still in love or whatever if you wanna be.

Starting point is 01:09:57 And I hope that you got, this isn't funny, I hope you got emancipated if he was willing to do that because it sounds like you guys are into some weird shit. What else do we have going on? Here we go. We got a call right here. Hey Theo, I needed some help man. I figured you was the guy to call about it. So I got an uncle who's handicapped and he's in a wheelchair and I had to carry him in.

Starting point is 01:10:34 Well hopefully he's in a damn wheelchair. Hopefully y'all ain't just dragging him around, you know. Let's hear more. To carry him in to the house because he can't walk or anything. And I touched his wiener a little bit and I was just, I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that we make contact and I was just trying to figure out if I was... Y'all didn't make contact. You touched his wiener, dude.

Starting point is 01:11:03 That's what you just said. You touched his wiener, dude. That's what you just said. You touched his wiener. If I go to a zoo or something and somebody's standing there looking at the pandas or whatever, eating popcorn and I touch the guy's wiener, it don't have anything to do with him, that guy. He's enjoying animals and eating carbs or whatever. I'm touching the guy's... If you carry somebody in, let's hear more. This is confusing. and eating carbs or whatever. I'm touching the guys. If you carry somebody in, let's hear more, this is confusing.

Starting point is 01:11:28 Uncle who's handicapped and he's in a wheelchair and I had to carry him in to the house because he can't walk or anything and I touched his winger a little bit and I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact you know that we make contact yeah look now I understand a little better so you was carrying him in you touch his winger a little now I'll say that if you carry him back out and touches winger and he

Starting point is 01:11:55 keeps saying hey carry me and carry me out carry me and carry me out carry me and carry me out and then you got a changes changes pants or whatever, then that shit seems illegal to me, dude. And you guys are gay, I think. So yeah, I think if it's... But if once a day you carry him from here to there or whatever and touch his wiener a little bit or just mile, you know, keep him fired up or whatever about the next day or whatever, I think that's fine. But if you're carting him all over until he E-jacks or whatever, then you... For me, you are a...

Starting point is 01:12:29 Oh, you're a bad guy. And that's what I'll tell you, brother, and I'm not judging you because I don't know you, but... You've been touching that guy's wiener. And he's handicapped and... That's the scariest thing about touching a handicapped guy's wiener is that he can't stop you. So if you want, you could do unlimited touches on it. And that's where the devil lives, brother.

Starting point is 01:12:59 What else do we have going on here? Here we go, we got a call right here, I like this. Man, I can already tell by the tagline. Hey man, this is Cody from Alabama. I'm just calling to say hey and tell you that I appreciate you. I listen to you every day when I'm at work. Thanks Cody, man, I appreciate you too, brother.

Starting point is 01:13:22 I appreciate you calling as well. And just taking some time to share some of your life with us man. Onward. Uh I worked for a machine shop but I took some advice that you gave uh when you had Dave Ramsey on. You had suggested ways of you know making extra money so I went and bought a pressure washer you know, making extra money. So I went and bought a pressure washer. And just as expensive as things are now, I got a family, I've got three kids, and you know, they're not cheap.

Starting point is 01:13:52 So I just needed an extra way to make some money. So I took your advice, and man, I'm cleaning up. Like I'm getting, you know, one or two jobs a weekend now. So I just wanted to call in and say thanks for the advice and I appreciate everything you do. Hey man, thank you so much dude. I'm gonna reach out, I'm gonna hire you for a job dude. I got your number, I know you called in here

Starting point is 01:14:24 from the hotline. I'm gonna hire you for a job, dude. I got your number. I know you called in here from the hotline I'm a hire you for a job somewhere. I got I'm sure I got a friend down there who could use some pressure washing So I'm gonna put another job on your calendar over there my boy Yeah, I appreciate look man, thanks for trying it out. I think it's something it's like You know, it's that next step of how do I become? My own boss. How do I work for me? You know, how am I in control of what I do? And the pressure was just the most simple little thing, but people don't want to go out and deal with it.

Starting point is 01:14:56 You know, I remember when I first moved to Los Angeles, I put up flyers. I said, I'll come, I'll clean your refrigerator, clean your refrigerator. People, people don't want to clean their frigerators You know saying you think about you clean your whole house bad bitches fucking weird in there And there's some weird things on the wall or some damn mustard here something sweated on the fucking Glass or plastic in there, you know, I remember doing that man Putting up flyers. I were get called, people come killing my fridge. So I went over to her house and she kept showing me her

Starting point is 01:15:31 her damn produce drawer. You feel me? She was showing that. Yeah. Right over there off of Barrington, brother out in Los Angeles. But amen, brother. Thank you for trying. I'm going to thank you for trying I'm gonna hit you up I'm gonna email myself right now so don't forget I'm gonna hit you up and hire you for a gig but I appreciate that man and congrats for you just it's a little things where you start to take control of your own life or just trying

Starting point is 01:16:01 like okay well how do I be a boss on myself you start to learn about yourself some of it's kind of fascinating I think to to be brave enough to do that let's take another call that hit here just calling again from Michigan just wanted to let you know I passed over the month mark yesterday and I'm, uh, over a month sober now. Let's go dog. Man, that's so cool, dude. Wow. Wow, man. Thank you for sharing that with me, bro.

Starting point is 01:16:44 Hell yeah. That's the best thing about the program, dude, is when somebody gets a month or gets a year and you just, you know that you've like you've been there so you can feel that excitement so much, you know, just that feeling that something new is possible, that's the feeling, man. That was the feeling I would get when I was stuck in like addiction or stuck in like, like mourning over like a relationship or something and you finally get that day, that one day where you feel like, oh, something new is possible.

Starting point is 01:17:24 Man, thank you for sharing, man. It's hard to, you know, I'm almost kind of stealing your joy here. But uh, yeah, it just makes me feel so good, man. You know, because to be a month away from the pain you were in, that's what makes me feel like. away from the pain you were in. That's what makes me feel like, you know, it's just so important, man. It's like, to be a month away from that pain you were in, you know, and I'm not trying to read your life or anything.

Starting point is 01:17:56 I don't know, you might've been fine, but just so many times you see guys and you can feel that, just like that, hope in them, that I'm like a month away from the pain that I was in. And I think maybe I just even think about it for me, but it's something that a lot of us can relate to in program dog.

Starting point is 01:18:14 And I'm so proud of you bro. Congratulations boy. I will eat somebody's ass dog, you feel me? Better be a woman, what's up? And it's actually quite great. Everything's kind of shaping up. I've found God. Yeah, boy, the Lord'll show up, boy.

Starting point is 01:18:39 When you put it together, the Lord, I will say this about the Lord. Once you do your shit he kind of come around brain on saying so he sometimes when you ain't doing your part he you know the Lord kind of waits you for you to start a little for he show up I ain't judging him but that's what the Lord kind of do bro I got a whole new meaning in my life man and I'm doing it for me man. I just wanted to let you know that you're an absolute inspiration to me and

Starting point is 01:19:09 many others and keep doing what you're doing. Oh I'm just a retarded guy. No offense if anybody's retarded man. I just am a just a human being. And you are too man and we're just trying to be you know You know and I know it's weird to connect through a fucking radio or whatever, but I think we're so like I Don't know we're starved for connection. I think I don't know maybe I am I who knows But I'm just proud of you man. I really am and I can hear in your voice, but I'm just proud of you, man. I really am. And I can hear in your voice, bro, that you're proud of you.

Starting point is 01:19:48 And I think that's what I think really makes me feel something. You know, just hearing somebody be proud of themselves, just at a cellular level, to hear somebody being like, man, I'm proud of my, you know, you don't even have to say the words, but we can feel it. So that's great, man. Amen, brother. God bless that.

Starting point is 01:20:13 What else do we have? Let's hear one more about the first time somebody touched your genitalia. Let's hear it. Cause it's such a crazy time. Hey, Theo. My name's Holden, I live in New Brunswick, Canada. Holden, thank you for calling brother. Talking about my first time someone touched my genitalia.

Starting point is 01:20:37 This is back in high school, I was at a party, you know, we drinking. And this is the first time I'm kind of drinking too, so I obviously don't know the consequences of what that does to your genitalia. Oh, you don't know the consequences of what drinking does to your genitalia, you understood, Onward? I see this pretty girl and I strike up a conversation and one thing leads to another and we're in

Starting point is 01:20:57 the bathroom. But my little Peter decides not to work and I'm embarrassed. I'm like, ugh, this never happens. Oh yeah, so every now and then your penis will file for unemployment. besides not to work and I'm embarrassed. I'm like, ugh, this never happens. Oh yeah, so every now and then your penis will file for unemployment, onward? It never happened ever before. She's like, oh, it's okay, it's okay.

Starting point is 01:21:15 We get out, everything's fine. Go to school the next day, my new nickname, Baby Dick. And that situation kind of sucked, but we're past it now. Yeah, we're past it, but you just told everybody about it. Um, but yeah, that's tough, dude. I remember when I was a kid, if a girl even tried to touch my wiener, I would just say, my wiener is super long. I just kept, I would repeat that over and over again, almost to try to trick them. Like my wiener is super long. My wiener to trick them like my wiener super long my wiener super long I mean, you're super long my wiener super long and

Starting point is 01:21:48 They would touch it. I think they didn't fucking they're like One girl I remember her pulling like is there more of it? It just doesn't see it doesn't seem like there's that much more of it and uh so I think yeah, there's a little bit of reverse psychology there when it comes to somebody touching your wiener, you know, but there's a little bit of reverse psychology there when it comes to somebody touching your wiener, you know, but It is what it is man, but thank you for sharing that with us dude and just oh Yeah, there's it just it's such a time in your life All right, let's uh, let's get finish this episode I want to say thank you to everybody that came out in Idaho and Utah, everybody that came out in England and Ireland.

Starting point is 01:22:29 Everybody that's come out everywhere, I think one of the disappointing parts about not doing a lot of solo episodes is not being able to thank everybody for the different shows and different weekends. Man, I even did a show in New Orleans and I don't even know when I was on stage if I thanked the people that were from my hometown for coming. You know, some of it's nothing purposeful, you just get, you're just going. I mean, you know, sometimes you just don't know what's going on, you're just trying to keep your head above your shoulders, you know. But I just want to say thank you guys for bearing with me and I'm trying to focus the

Starting point is 01:23:08 second half of this year. I want to start some type of a foundation or something and start to create ways to give back to people or groups or something. I don't know what it is yet and I know we've talked about it for a while but I just feel it on my heart all the time. You know, and I know we all feel that. I have so many people that reach out and I just want to help people. I just want to, you know, and so yeah, I don't know how to start putting that together or

Starting point is 01:23:36 what it is. And some of it I think I'm just going to pray about, you know, and see what God shares with me. But yeah just thank you guys for just giving me just a lot just something to do you know thank you for being a part of my life and let me be a part of yours. I mean that. Hi, Dio. It's David Freeland from Indiana. What's up, David?

Starting point is 01:24:13 Nice to hear you call, brother. Young fella here, obviously it sounds like, or a man with a very young vocal box. My whole family's a big fan of you. They listen to you all the time. I personally think you're one of the funniest guys on the planet. Just keep doing what you do man. God bless.

Starting point is 01:24:39 Don't ever let anyone bring you down. Okay. Bye bye C.O. I love you down. Okay. Bye bye, C.O. I love you. Gang, man. I appreciate that. You know,

Starting point is 01:24:58 it's kind of funny. It's almost like it's like a kid, like me calling from the past or something. You know, I wonder if that I mean I believe that's a real person and obviously it's not me calling from the past but I think it's interesting how voices come in to your life or and it could as well just as well be you calling from the past. Imagine if little you could call from the past and say, hey man, we love you and don't let anything bring you down. Man, how cool would that be? And maybe

Starting point is 01:25:37 sometimes even as humans, as adults, we can sit there and we can take that call, you know? If I were to just sit there and kind of lay by myself in my bed or something they sound crazy to some people and that's fine or sit by myself in my car and just almost visualize you know that it's a young me calling let me play it again for myself here David for a lamp from Indiana okay let's not let's not play his name because that makes it not me but let's play the rest of it. My whole family is a big fan of you they listen to you all the time. Personally I think you're one of the funniest guys on the planet. Ed, just keep doing what you do man. God bless and

Starting point is 01:26:28 Don't ever let anyone bring you down Okay Just a little thought it's just kind of funny, you know if I could sit there and think if a young me called man What would he say to the future? You know, what do you really say? I Don't know Alright, let's take one more call that came in, man. Hey, Theo. This is your fan and supporter, Tommy Gill, from Roanoke, Virginia.

Starting point is 01:26:54 Tommy Boy, what's going on, cat daddy? I just want to tell you, bro, you came back here this past October and killed it, man. I had a really good time at your show, man. I had a blast, dude, and I rocked that Rat King t-shirt everywhere I go, and people always ask me about it, and I tell them, look you up, man. Thank you, dude, I appreciate that, man.

Starting point is 01:27:19 My brother has a Rat King t-shirt that he wears sometimes, and it's like, it makes my day when he wears it you know. You know I know he wears it because he's proud of me but it just I don't know there's just something about it makes me feel good. Anyway that feels seemed a little bit weird but thank you dude for sharing thanks for coming out to Roanoke dude I felt like that was a tough show Connor to be honest with you but I appreciate you coming out to Roanoke. I felt like that was a tough show, to be honest with you.

Starting point is 01:27:45 But I appreciate do that today. So I'm feeling pretty good about it, man. And I just wanted to share with another person in recovery and someone who understands because I'm a little lonely out here, bud. Yeah, tell me why. That's awesome, dude. I know we had another call a minute ago about it, but that's awesome, man. There's just something about it, bro.

Starting point is 01:28:28 There's something about it. And thank you so much for calling and sharing that with me, man. I'm sorry it took me a while to get to this call. Um, but yeah, man, there's just something about it. 30 days off at anything, bro. 30 days off, looking at your hands, see if you could do that. People can't do 30 days off anything. So to do 30 days off of something, man, it's just so powerful. And it's because it's you saying, Hey, I, I want to have a say in how I behave, you know, and there's no judgment against people that don't do it. It's just because some people don't need to do it. They're fine. They're made and fine, but fucking guys like us, Tommy on a girls will be here soon soon you know what I'm saying brother that girls are never coming Tommy oh man dude I'm so happy for you I

Starting point is 01:29:14 really am just like it makes me it's it feels like my heart just comes to the top of my fucking body and smiles or something you know onward yeah man I hope you're doing well man you know we all got problems but I think our problems are a little more manageable when we're not drinking and we're not trying to suppress our feelings and we can clearly think about it. Listen to that. You hear that? You hear what that is right there guys? That's a young man who has a little bit of clarity and he's able to see his life a little bit more as when you're like viewing something, like looking out of a window as opposed to viewing it where you are looking out of a drain.

Starting point is 01:30:12 And I'm not judging, I don't know what your life was like before, Tommy, but I just think it's like for all of us, you know, you're not looking from the complete bottom up anymore. You're looking out of a window or a third story window, just something you can get a little bit of a view and you can realize that everything's okay, that you have a chance. Man, I love you, bro. I appreciate you making that call, just filling us in, dude.

Starting point is 01:30:38 Because yeah, it's moments like this, man, that make other people think that they can keep going. And me too. It makes us people think that they can keep going and me too. It makes us all think that we can keep going. Because I believe that God picked us to live out here in this life and I think that that means something. And I don't know what it means yet and that's okay. But there are moments when I connect with other people

Starting point is 01:31:05 like in little moments that I almost feel like I find the meaning of what it means to be alive you know it feels like I get a little closer to it every time I make an important connection with somebody or have a moment with somebody now I'm not trying to glorify myself or anything but just every time there's a moment where I see two people connect. It could be somebody waiting at the airport, you know, sometimes you get to some airports and you see somebody waiting for their loved one to get home from military sometimes, they've been in service, and you'll see somebody waiting there with flowers. You'll see a guy waiting for flowers for a girl that he cares about. You don't see it

Starting point is 01:31:42 that much anymore. But when you see it, there's like a moment like that, you know? Or if somebody's walking with their kid and the kid looks at you, you know, and you smile or wave at the, you know, and you're not a pedo or something, you're a regular guy just happy to wave at a child. You're like, oh, that means just there's little glories like that little moments and like that in life that make you feel like okay, maybe I'm on the right path here Anyway, sorry to get in all kinds of shit today, but what do you what do you expect it? I'm a I'm a fucking Wnba Gamegoer, I'll admit it dad I admit it, dad.

Starting point is 01:32:28 But yeah, I'm just, thank you. Thank you guys for being a part of my life. We're gonna go out on this show the way that we come into it, baby, because we didn't do it right there on the way in, but we're gonna go out right on the way out, baby, let me slurp that titty. Sorry, the devil said that, but he used me to do it. I love you guys, man. Be good to yourselves. You know how it is, baby. Bishop Gundog, the way we do, son. I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home Gang gang baby!

Starting point is 01:33:17 And my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been blown Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be conestone Ooh, oh, but when I reach that mound I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But when I reach that mount I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones

Starting point is 01:33:49 But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind Shine that Shine on me and I will find a song and sing it just for you You guys be good to yourselves baby, praise God man, I love y'all and I'll see it just for you. You guys be good to yourselves, baby. Praise God, man. I love y'all. And I'll see you guys soon.

Starting point is 01:34:30 And thank you for being a part of my life. As always, the hotline, 985-664-9503, baby. Gang, gang, I'm upstairs. Thank you.

This Past Weekend - E516 Competitive Kingdom

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