This Past Weekend - E518 A Mall Cop

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Gus Parsons is a security professional who worked for 10 years as a mall cop in San Diego, CA, where he was born and raised.  Theo is joined by a mall cop to talk about everything that’s going on behind the scenes at America’s malls. They chat about the training process, the different types of mall cops you’ll see on the job, his most memorable takedowns, why it’s so easy to shoplift nowadays, dealing with drunk Santas, what’s really been going on at Hot Topic, and much more. Gus Parsons: https://www.instagram.com/micdupwithgus/  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit  https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO at checkout to receive your first month free - just pay $5 shipping! Gametime: Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code WEEKEND for $20 off your first purchase. Zocdoc: Go to http://zocdoc.com/theo to find and book a top-rated doctor today.  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a great reason to get up in the morning? Well, what about two? Right now, get a small organic Fairtrade coffee and a tasty bacon and egg or breakfast sandwich for only $5 at A&W's in Ontario. I got a few tour dates to tell you about Wallingford, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Bangor, Maine, Moncton, Canada, Las Vegas, Nevada. We'll be back for the USC LSU football weekend. Oklahoma City, Northern Little Rock, Springfield, Missouri, Kansas City, Missouri, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, La Crosse, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Wisconsin, Moline, Illinois. You can get tickets for those at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.

Thank you so much for your support. Today's guest served 10 years as a mall cop. You know who I'm talking about, that fella that's just looking all beast mode outside of the Cinnabon, baby. You know what I'm talking about. That Build-A-Bear badass, baby. Mall Coppin'.

We get into it all, the stories, the stealing, the sex. Grateful for his time, today's guest is Mall Cop Gus Parsons I'm on the floor, I've been singing just for you And now I've been moving way too fast Gus Parsons, thanks for coming in, man. Hey, I'm glad to be here, bro. You've worked in security for 20 years, right? Yes, sir. Mall Cop.

Mall Cop. For 10 years. 10 years. Wow. Did my tour. Did you? Yeah, that was great. And what, how do you get into mall coppin'? Basically zero education, no goals in life.

Oh, really? No, it's just one of those things that kind of just happens. I started off doing other security and then just turns into like, hey, I need a job, and a full-time job at that. And mall security is usually one of turns into like, hey, I need a job, you know, and a full-time job at that. And mall security is usually one of those ones like, hey man, can you breathe? I'm like, yes, fully functional.

And they're like, you're hired, you know? So that's how I got into it. And then- Was your father in mall copping? Or was it, it's not a- No, no. My dad was actually a bus driver. Oh, he was?

Yeah. That's cool, man. I've ridden on buses. My dad was actually a bus driver. Oh, he was? Yeah. That's cool, man. I've ridden on buses and I like it. I mean, the uniform, the fact of us you're wearing uniforms in the family, that's a thing. Oh, it is. Yeah, it's not military, you know,

bus drivers, security guards. Yeah. So you get a job at the mall, right? So where's the first mall you clock in at? The first one I ever did? Yeah. It was called Horton Plaza. It was downtown San Diego,

no longer there, rest in peace. Um, but it was a three story mall had the theater down there, had all the kids hung out there at the time cause the buses went and connected all through there. Who told you to get a job as a mall cop? Did you just? Myself, honestly. Yeah. I wasn't into the whole labor thing. You know, I did the little side jobs building swimming pools. Um, just being out in the sun stuff. I didn't want to be out in the sun like what hitchhiking

or whatever. Yeah, you know, it's a hard job. No, you know, just like labor, you know, like hard labor, you know, yeah, digging and trenches and like I said, digging swimming pools and stuff. It just I'm too fat for stuff like that. So when I got into like the mall cop thing, it was kind of supposed to be a lazy job for me. And it definitely wasn't a lazy job for me because I still come from the era of chasing people down. Okay, and that used to be fun What as a mall cop you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Well first of all, what what is the training like? Oh Here's your here's the mall. Here's the clock in

Uh, like I said, you can still breathe right i'm like, yeah, okay, well, you're fully functional, you know, training with that, it's just more like. But there's no like, you don't have to have a 40 time, you don't have to have like a, there's not like a physical requirements to be a mall cop. No, they actually will give you a segue if you can't meet the physical requirements. Yeah, like, oh, you can't walk that fast?

Well, here's some mobile wheels, you know, like, here can't walk that fast? Well, here's here's the mobile wheels, you know, like, here you go. That Paul Blart shit's real. It's very much real. Like a lot of people make fun of it and stuff. I'm like, actually, those are for the mall cops who can't get physical.

Wow. And that's embarrassing. I've gotten on those things and actually chase people as a joke. Like, oh, they're stealing. I'm like, oh, watch this. You know, it's embarrassing for them. They're running through the mall and you're just like, oh so much.

Exactly, that look right there. Well segways are so ridiculous, cause the whole, every time you're talking to a guy on a segway, he's like, alright man, I'll see you guys later. And then he just takes, he's just like fucking. Or you get those real professional ones and do the full spin on you and they're just like, yeah, all that like. But the training wise man It's it's but so there's not much so there's no training so there's no like but there's not it There's not like where there's boot camp or anything like that. No more. Okay. I think that was a 70s security guards I used to learn from those tough guys. Did you know? Yeah punch him in the face. I'm like we can do that Like we're not cops. I'm like

When you find out as a security guard that you're not a cop and things change, you're like, oh, I can do some shit now. But that was back in the day. Now you just have to kind of watch them steal and run off out the mall. And you're like, hey. But what do you mean when you watch them, when you see them?

Like late, okay, so as of like the past 10 years now, you know, everyone's got cell phones and a stick up their ass. So it's like, hey, I'm trying to steal from your store. Don't touch me. So now some guy won a case. I don't know, however many years ago. Now it's like, you can't chase them. You can't touch them. You just have to kind of monitor their stealing. Like, Hey, man, put that Gucci belt in that pocket. It's showing, you know, like you got to kind of escort them out the mall. Like you gotta kinda escort them out the mall. So what do you, but can you even, what's your, what do you just be like, stop, fucker? Yeah. Can you even do that?

No, you can't even say that. You can just say fucker. You just say fucker, fucker, you know? Like you say stop, they're like, hey, you can't tell me what to do. I identify as go, you know? Yeah. Oh shit, you know?

So there's no training? No. Okay, okay, so there's no training. Do you shadow anybody when you first start? Like you- Yeah, you'll go in, you'll shadow a couple of the guys that have been there a while. They'll show you what stores to stay away from, what stores are cool. More or less just doing the whole rounds. A lot of times you would have

some malls would make you scan in every 10 minutes through the place. But then we just kind of figured out if you just took a picture and then went to the copy place and made copies of those and had a sheet, you can just sit in the office and scan those things if nobody's watching. So as soon as your shadow leaves, that was pretty much it. Oh, so you're saying like a QR code? Yeah. Like in each place you'd have to scan as you're moving around the mall?

Yeah. So every day you'd have to go and check in like, oh, I'm at the baby gap here. And then you just have to keep checking in as you go through the mall to make sure that you've secured the whole place, stuff like that. Like I'm at Baby Gap. I'm at Bed Bath & Beyond. I'm at Rocko's Tacos or whatever, and just around the bend. Yeah. So we just take a picture of the barcode, send it to our email, put all the barcodes on a sheet, printed it, and then we had it in the office. So you could just sit there and just scan it every few minutes.

Yeah, we put like timers on our cell phones and stuff like, hey, how long do you think it would take us to get from here to here? One guy was an idiot. He would scan them all in a row. And one of the time our supervisor came in and was like, hey, Speedy, like, how are you doing this? And he's like, and we got caught a little bit. But yeah.

Wow, that's a good hack, bro. We have a lot of hacks at the mall. I don't oh, yeah when you pull up with so when you start when you first start there What are they're over there like old heads working? They're like, what are the different types of mall cops? Okay, so You got your you got your pant booters. We call them pant booters Those are the security guards who did not make it as a cop their uncle or their step-uncle was a cop So they wanted to be a cop so they come in they got the whole vest on everything's tucked in nice They got their pants tucked into their boots. You know, they're ready for combat and it's like well, it's it's a mall job You know, so you got that guy and and I will tell everyone that you know that guy. We all work with that guy. Yeah

will tell everyone that you know that guy. We all work with that guy. Yeah. Then sometimes you get the little thug dudes that are just like hanging around just because they need a job. And that's not you know, I'm not being discriminative, but that's it's very true. We get a lot of little thug guys that do security. It's great because they're the ones usually bring the weed for us, you know. So it's always like, fuck yeah. Love you guys. So those guys are usually ones like, and that's not a race, that's just the little ghetto guys that always come. They don't do their job,

shirt's untucked, they're like, eh, we just do the bare minimum. If there's someone stealing, let us know. Yeah, those guys always look like they're gonna get some girl pregnant. Or they already have. The girl from Cinnabon's usually pregnant. Is she?

Yeah, we have. Oh yeah, it's in the oven, baby. Hell yeah, both the bun and that. I love it. Two buns going at once. Drizzle it. Okay, so those are the main two types of cops. Do you feel like the more cops?

And then there's just the average Joe. I would have put myself in the average Joe category, like just the dad who just needs a job, but there's that guy. There's the real Paul Blart kind of type, you know, like no girlfriend, no wife, you know, lives at home with mom, can't wait to go play video games type guy, you know.

Like almost like the guy that never left the mall in a way. He grew up in the mall and was like, I'm gonna get a job here, you know, like never left. I'm gonna stay here. Yeah, malls are awesome. Yeah, I'm getting that 10% discount. Malls are awesome, dude. I remember in our, we used to go to Slide L Louisiana.

They had a mall there. Bring it up, see if it's there. Just see some images of it. And they. So this is a North Shore Square Mall. Yeah, those are the doors we go in, dude. And we camp, they let you camp right outside by the parking lot, like in the medians.

So we'd get dropped over there on Saturday, we'd hang out at the mall, and then we'd sleep in our tents. And then Sunday we'd go back into the mall, dude. And they had a church service in there too. And we could just go do it all right there. Get you some lunch, get you on some of those little shaker chairs, you know. I loved when those first came out.

I was there for that. Like I was there for that evolution of the mall chair. Were you? Yeah, they just popped up one day and were like, what in the lazy is this? You know, like it was great. So all of us would be on our break just like, eh, if I can vibrate now.

I'm like, you can't do that. I'm like, shit, if I can, it only costs a dollar. Yeah, and whisper something nasty to you. Right? Oh, it's a whisper something nasty to write you know um What was the uniform like that you guys had it's just a basic cop knockoff Um I refused to wear the mount me hats because what is it the Mountie hats? Oh Mountie hat? Yeah, we call Mount me hats you know from oh But you know some malls will literally make you wear a mountie hat, and it's like why? We're like we're in the fucking mall. We're not like

Yeah, like I don't know if you get yeah see like that's literally that's literally how a lot of mall cops will do Yeah, why do they even make y'all look like that? I have no idea That's one of the most ridiculous things whoever did that you really hate all of us Yeah, whoever like because there's an ultimate mall cop out there who's just like, I'm gonna make this the worst uniform ever. And it's funny, because you get those little ghetto dudes are like, they come in and they're like, fuck yeah, I'm here to work.

And you're like, okay, we'll put on your little Mountie hat, and you're like, ah shit, you know? Why is the hat, do you think it's just so people know immediately who is there to help them if they need it? I suppose, but it's just more of like a target. Oh, yeah, you know it's like at the we're already getting called rent-a-cops and everything else Yeah, yeah, you know it's like sorry. I'm shit. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't care I mean either but I've been called fags all that like oh, yeah, but now they're like oh look at this in that hat Yeah, it's like you're like fuck man. I feel like you've just... I feel like you got me there. Yeah, you're like, f*** we were good. Now the hat. F*** me.

And it's like you can't even deny that. You can argue back with like, well you're a f***, well look at your shoes. And then all he has to do is go, you have a mount me hat on. Yeah, you're a Canadian f***. And then on top of it, here's the worst part. Some malls will do the stripes and like I've been here for two years I got a stripe you know I got me a little lieutenant stripes like lieutenant of what the fucking food court you know like cares but that those are some of them all I've dealt with a few models and one of the malls I had to deal with the mount me hats and the stripes and they give you

stripes from the years you've been there mm-hmm Wow yeah one guy had like six I was like you need a fucking life All decorated look like a general and shit my serious, huh? and then He was the one on the Mountie hat who had like if you look at him they have like these little like Ropes or something that's on I don't know what they're actually called His was gold out of every like everyone had black ones. They were gray hats with black He had to have a gold robe.

Because he was the leader or something? He was just there. He wasn't even the supervisor. He was just there the longest. Yeah. It's like, okay. You know? 10-4, yeah.

And what kind of tactical gear do you guys have? It depends on the mall. It depends on how they want you dressed. I've had to do the whole get upup tour like I've been an armed security guard so I've had to wear guns and stuff and The holsters and bulletproof vests and all that just because of what was going on in the situation and that those are fun It's fun to dress up like GI Joe cuz you know, I'm 45. So it's like I Get to play out a little kid fantasy something like man. I kind of want to do this on as a kid I'm just like yeah, fuck. Yeah, you know, yeah, I get to play out little kid fantasy songs. I'm like, man, I kinda wanna do this when I was a kid.

And I'm just like, yeah, fuck yeah, you know? Yeah. All teched up. Work, when I worked dispensaries, I used to work a lot of dispensaries this past 10 years too. We were all teched up and teched out and looking like swat and shit until the real cops came. And they're like, what are you doing playing dress up?

I'm like, you know. But wait, are mall cops allowed to carry weapons? You know but our wait our mall cops allowed to carry weapons At one point we were and then one point we were not we were allowed to carry batons and What pre rolls or whatever? Yes, basically. It's like I'm gonna beat you or here smoke this, you know fuck But you guys had a baton like I like my my era was like the last era of being able to carry a baton Yeah, and what's funny in California? Like say you fucking come running out and I have a gun and a baton mm-hmm if I shoot you in the leg

I'm good if I hit you with that baton La riots all over it does there see wow the baton was it heavy. Oh, yeah, it's about it's about an eight pound stick I'm just and they um they there were some guys who actually teach you how to use the baton and stuff and it's like They get you on this wrist thing and bend you all up and like oh shit Can I just hit him with it? You know like like nah, you have to use it tactically That's what they said. Did you ever get to hit somebody with it? I threw one out somebody one time Yeah, it was like right out of the fucking movies to hit him in the legs And he tripped he fell and we beat the shit out of almost okay. It was man. It was long time

How long ago was it? Oh shit and Jane? No, uh shit early 20s. So like 2020 or 2003 maybe something like that. What's a what's a statute of limitations on that you think? Mall abuse or whatever? Non-sexual Ten years you're good You're good, dude, right? So I threw this baton at this guy, right now. He was running out the store Somebody's like hey, you know thief and I was like and I swear to you. I don't know what movie clicked in my head I was like grab your baton throw it

I just threw it and I said whoo and it made the little noise and everything clipped him in the leg He tripped and I was like Like in my in my soul. I was like I fucking did it and by the time I like realized that my guys were already on I'm like, yeah, that was awesome. But yeah, you do that now. You're going like as a security guard, you might go to jail. Yeah, that sucks. Well, now it's so crazy. Literally a thief can be like, watch this asshole security guard try to stop me from getting what I need. And you're like, you just totally rephrase stealing. Right. Okay. And why are you fucking filming this? Like, yes, things have definitely gotten really ridiculous out there. That's for sure man So outside of the baton did you guys was there taser ever was there any smoke screens or smoke?

Bombs or flares or baby flares or anything like that not smoke bombs. We used fart bombs really yeah We are the little like fart ones if if the crowd was like too much we like it wasn't a Legal tactical move old-school move, but instead of like you know like hey everyone clear out. We wouldn't say shit Just throw one of those fart things on the ground or something. It was all the stink bombs They're called stink bombs. We throw a stink bomb on the ground Cleared it what a word not a fucking word out of our mouth and were those government issued or whatever No, those were out of the ice cream

Truck on the way to work. Oh, they sold them there. Oh, yeah the ice cream. Oh, yeah You're like, let me get a bubblegum ice cream and some stink bombs Those are the good ice cream trucks when they had the cap guns still, you know gang. Yeah, I didn't know they had all that Yeah, we just got the sweets or whatever. I don't think ours had kind of a You know violenceites or whatever. I don't think ours had kind of a, you know, violence section or whatever, semi-violence. This security guard filmed all his farts for six months. You ever meet him? No, but damn, where is he at?

That's a fucking, that's a goal. I'm gonna go seven. He got fired for it. Paul Flart, he called himself. Why would he get fired? I don't know, you can't fart anymore. You kidding? You can't do anything, man.

He really did. Oh yeah. By the way, this is that dad I'm talking about that works love this dude, and he just His hair his hair and his mustache One cool thing about a ball is though honestly, it's got the perfect Acoustics it really does for two for a fart to just rock the fricking Casbah in there. Especially if you have like that back alley of like behind the stores where you do all the deliveries,

you can get some good echoes in there. Oh, yeah. It's a real farters paradise back in there. So take me on a typical mall shift, man. You get there, you... Get there, clock in. Clock in, usually take a shit or go smoke because we don't do that for free. You have to do that on the clock Yeah, I get paid Did you have a strategy meeting or anything? Yeah, we little power. All right guys, you know

we're gonna have a good day today get out there and Do your job? Our power was for mall security wasn't that much. Really? Is there ever any intel that comes in that's like, hey, we got this to worry about, or there's like a drug group passing through, anything like that? Sometimes we would get like a stack of papers on our thing,

and there would be like pictures of like some random Asian dude stealing, like Cologne or some shit. And you're like, watch out for him. And they're like, OK. And you never see him ever, because he's already done stole. So there are those moments, though, where you get like a paper, and you're like, hey him ever because he already done stole so there are those moments though where you get like a paper You're like a malls most wanted or something and he walks by you and you're like fuck Yeah, you know this is my moment right here really yeah

And then like take me on one of those kind of so you like okay, so sometimes don't make a big deal out of it Like hey, there's a small guy. He's going around. He's stealing a bunch of shit. Here's pictures of them, okay? Like the wet bandits or whatever hell yeah Shout out wet bandits, but something like that. You say like a guy that's made a name for himself props stealing from malls Yeah, we had one guy who was I bring up the clone thing cuz he was actually a cologne thief He would steal all the samples without the lids and shit So he would get all these samples and just run off. But we got- A little sample baby, huh?

He was Asian? Yeah. Oh God. He was, yeah. I actually bought some from him after the fact. Seen him on the- Some stolen ones from him? Yeah.

Damn. Yeah, they're only 15 bucks. I seen him on the trolley. I was like, hey dude, were you the one stealing cologne? He's like, yeah, which one do you want? And I was like, fuck man, let me get that CK-1. CK-1 wasn't too bad, huh? No, it wasn't, not at all.

God, they had some good colognes back then. I remember they had Aqua... Aqua De Geo? Aqua De Geo, dude. I'm actually wearing the black Aqua De Geo right now. Really? Yes, sir. They came out with black? Yeah, it was a darker little bottle or something.

Wow, yeah, dude. Yes, sir, that one right right there that fourth one right there I felt I just was always so ashamed of myself as a child. I never felt like I deserved to smell good No, even work cool water. No cool water was for brothers or kids that were fucking you know, I wasn't wearing that What would I wear? I would sometimes get some old spice from my dad and then I would also put like What I do I would also put like, what would I do? I would rub like, what was it that had kind of,

oh deodorant, I would just put deodorant on the outside of my arms. Or like right here or whatever. Cause my mom taught us, we watched our mom do perfumes or whatever. Okay, so you're at work. You guys have had a strategy meeting, right? We got the paper. We see, we'll just use, we'll say Bobby Lee stole some fucking colognes,

we're like, all right, cool, Bobby Lee's the fucking guy. Herps, what do you all call it? Is there a term you all use? This fucking guy. Yes, man. This fucking guy, man, we're going to get him. No we didn't, like a lot of us didn't try to use the whole cop terms and stuff like that because then you kind of look like the douchebag, you know? Right. So we just leave it to the guy who tucks his pants in his boots, like,

the perp is here. It's like, Bobby Lee is here and that's all it is, you know? Yeah. So literally the one day that the perp walked by, I kind of was like, holy shit, this is him, you know? That's him. So I radioed it in, you know, did my whole gust to the headquarters and they're like, what's up? I'm like, yo, Bobby Lee's here. And they're like, no shit. I is him, you know? So I radioed it in, you know, I did my whole gust to the headquarters and they're like, what's up? I'm like, yo, Bobby Lee's here. And they're like, no shit. I'm like, yeah, we'll watch, come here.

So they start watching him on the camera. We start following him and they're like, just let him steal first. And this was back in the day of like, we can touch you, grab you, throw you, you know? So we followed him into like, I think it was Macy's and he walked right into Macy's and he had no hesitation He started grabbing clone and to start putting it in his belt. You're watching him

Yeah from how far away like where you guys strategically located somewhere? Um, I actually had took my shirt off because I just wore Dickie's So, I don't know if you guys know what dickies are. There's black totally do yeah, I just wore dickies I'm not sick in a freaking wedding wear. Yeah, so as soon I took that off his white shirt and dickies looked like I was from San Diego You know I was walking by and he's doing this thing now. So you were undercover pretty much Yeah, did a lot of undercover work at the mall is take your shit off you just look like an essay from MS and he's like get the go and so I See him. He's sit. He's stealing the shit and I call back and I said What are we doing? He goes grab grab him, fucking just grab him.

We grab him, we snap. Who grabs him, you? I grab him. No, I grab him. Okay, well take me in, you're making the move on him. Did he see you coming? Did he come in from the back? He actually saw me walk by, he kinda gave me a nod

and I was like, because I gave him the look like, hey man, steal that shit, bro, right on, you know, like keep going. I never was like, I would never give myself away. So I walked around and as soon as I said grab him I literally just walked up grab my shoulder I said hey, man, you're coming with me. You know I gave him the whole like you're coming with me cuz it was my first time Yeah, actually just like apprehending somebody in the act and how long have you been a mall cop at that point? You got to apprehend this guy probably about three years and

So I was just waiting it was my moment waiting to grab this fucking guy snatched him up. Hey, man, you're coming with me That's what you said. Hey, yeah, hey man You're coming with me the whole like the whole just nine, you know, so you come with me Lifted up his shoulders. What do you think you're doing? And he's like, he just looked up. I'm sorry, but you put him on the ground Yeah, I tripped him on his leg I cuz we're backing up and he trying to lead forward and any type of movement you do away from me, you're resisting. Yeah, we're fucking going down. So as soon as I pulled him back and he went a little forward, I just snatched his leg. We went down. I think one of the bottles broke because it just starts smelling like fucking cologne badly. Guilty. Yeah, it literally,

I was like, oh shit, it's because we were in the office writing him up and the cops were coming. He just smelled like whatever cologne broke on him. Everybody in there smelled, yeah. Yeah, but- Like aftershave or whatever. But it was literally one of my best moments as a mall cop, just because I was like, I got him. I saw the picture and within an hour there he was. And I was like, my fucking golden goose, you're mine.

You know what I mean? So it was good I loved it. Did you know do you didn't have to go prosecute? Um, you have to do a citizen's arrest you do a citizen's arrest You do all that and you guys take him where so you guys take him into the back room Yeah, do you have him wrapped up or tied up? No, we just saw Put a zip tie on his hand. I had these big-ass industrial zip ties. We usually used to leave them on this hook We never used them We only used them if we brought somebody into the office that needed one

So I was like hey man stick your hands out and he's like he looked at me. He's like oh shit I'm like yeah And I was like are they too tight and he goes no I'm like and I zipped them a little bit more because I didn't want him, you know, it's like fuck them, you know Oh, that's crazy when you're asking if they're too tight. It obvious that yeah, this is but he you know he's like a little tighter Why don't you you know you felt some shame that day? And I was like bet the clone bandit was mine. We never saw him again. You know and do you then turn him over to the police? What's that like?

That's that's the lame part you got to call them and it's like they're not rushing to come handle this, you know? So nine times out of 10, you're sitting there with Bobby and just shooting the shit for like two hours, you know, like, so man, why do you steal? And then by the time you've already like counseled him, you want to let him go. I actually wanted to let him go, but it was already in like, we were already in motion when I was like, probably you fucked up, you know, like I already had to fuck you up. And now the cops are coming. The in motion when I was like probably fucked up you know like I already had to fuck you up and now the cops are coming the first

ten minutes was like they're coming to get you man you're so fucked you know in 20 minutes and it's like are you thirsty man yeah you know so about literally cops took about two hours to get there and by the time they got there they're like all right so what's going on I was like oh this guy was stealing blah blah he's the clone bandit you know we got he, okay, so come with us. And then that was it. It was like, there was no fireworks at the end of this show. You know, it was, it was pretty, that's why I said,

it's pretty lame when you call them to come take them away because it's like, you want them to drag them out and beat the shit out of them too, you know? Just give them a little extra, fuck them. You know, fuck them. Fuck yeah, dude. You got it, somebody has to get beaten. There's something about game time.

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back then if you caught somebody, you had to hold them. It's different now. You don't even call the cops nowadays. I don't even know what the fuck they're doing now. But they had that entitlement because we are cops. Oh, they show up like they're big dogs? Oh yeah. Do they look at you?

Yeah, what you guys' relationship like? Is it, it was, simpatico or no? No, not, it was just like those movies. What does simpatico mean, do you know? No, I actually don't. Yeah, look it up real quick, do you mind? Kind of threw me off on that one.

Sorry. No, you're good. I thought it was Spanish. Likeable and easy to get along with, okay. No, we didn't definitely get along it was like out of those movies You know when like the detectives are all sitting like so like the the regular cops are there So say where the regular cops were we got it going on to our area and then the FBI walks in they're like alright guys We're taking over go handle the perimeter type shit, and that was our relationship with them. That was always like

It wasn't too much like, oh man, thanks a lot guys for doing your job and defending our country at the mall and shit. It was just more like, fuck what, man? I was not doing anything now, I'm doing something at the mall. Yeah. And I actually had a cop tell me one time,

this motherfucker, I forget his name, I had to give him a whole description of what was going on and the problem was is we didn't even have the guy we had to just give a description of the guy who stole and the things he did to the car because he poured like some bleach on a car some some dumb shit so we're giving all this description and he literally turns at me goes yeah if I wanted to be a mall cop I would have been a mall cop and walked away I was like fuck man like what and what was he having issues you guys were having issues with communication

No, he just the list of shit that I was giving him and just got too long for him He was like okay, so yeah, I get it. I guess so what was he wearing? You know and I was like told you that in the beginning You know I was like you could have cut that conversation off when you found out he was five two Yeah, you know it's like but I some of it. It's gotta be crazy like you could have cut that conversation off when you found out he was five two Yeah, you know it's like but I Some of it. It's gotta be crazy like you got you You know you have a Chinese guy whatever pinned up against the wall For like you know getting a pair of loafers or whatever and then the cop has to come he's like what the fuck are we?

Doing down here. Yeah, trust me we we were not on their radar of crime You know I feel they wouldn't keep they wouldn't clue you guys in like What was going on the community and stuff? No, we didn't get no updates or nothing like that like No, they were like there's like we would know if there's a rapist in the area or anything or anything like that No, fuck. They didn't care about us You know and you would think they would tell you if there was a rapist somewhere because I mean First of all one of the few places that everybody kind of goes sometimes is the mall, right?

Pretty much. If you're a rapist you still go to the mall. You have to you have to buy clothes, right? Well, you got I mean, you just everybody goes, you know, so it's like that's the kind of shit to me It's like you think you give those guys at least just information because they're just standing around all day A lot of cops will use our parking lots for the hangout You ever seen where like two cop cars like face each other. Yeah, that was our like and you can't go near them You can't go. Hey Jim. What's going on? Like fuck away from us. Really? Yeah

It was weird like they had this like whole bubble around them because they would always park in our parking lots Yeah, every mall I've ever worked at There's always a pair of cops that will do the whole face in each other like you know shit Yeah, two cops touching your aunt's or whatever But they didn't want us coming near them we're never allowed to talk to him or anything So we would just let them be in their little bubble What type of overall crime goes down at the mall like what type of crime are we talking about? A lot of stealing really a lot of stealing of course you see people steal sometimes like you'll see them

Can you tell after a while anybody could be a thief? Anybody can be a thief any but man I've I've seen I've seen moms You know stick shit and like' backpacks on camera. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Anybody can be a thief. I've seen a group of sweet old Mexican ladies, like, oh, and they're inviting you over for dinner and shit and this and that and the other,

and you turn around and they're stealing the fucking car. You're like, whoa, you know like anybody can steal from the mall um Like vandalism That's not that's not really like a everyday crime It's more of a crime when someone like gets thrown out of a store Do you want to like break their door kick their windows in and yeah? Thinking you did something to a corporate company who's got millions of dollars. Like, oh I broke your $100 window.

It's like, all right, cool, we're just gonna replace that. Those are the crimes that we get at the mall sometimes. Fights, fights are good. Really? Yeah, mall fights are good. Do people go to the mall to fight? You mean meeting at the mall to fight? Or you're saying just things happen at the mall

and a fight happens? Like gang versus gang You know to do oh, yeah, we're at where was this at down San Diego in San Diego Yeah, yeah back in the day like malls were always like Where everyone just conjured up you know all the gangs all the crews everyone like after school or the ditch parties would go there and some groups just didn't get along you know and The ditch parties would go there and some groups just didn't get along, you know

And next you know, you got this big fun, right? brawl in the middle and back then you were allowed to get in it and fight with them and Throw down and stuff and those were fun Really? Yeah. Yeah. Here's a mall. These are kids. Um Yeah, there's a lot of kids off of school. Um These kids nowadays man, they're ruthless. I had it. I'm sick. I was working a high-end department store

and this kid literally walked right up to me. He goes, do you work for the store or the mall? And I was like, why? And I could already tell he's about to steal all these Gucci belts. I'm like, why? He goes, cause if you work for the store, you can like why he goes because if you work for the store You can't touch me and if you work for the mall, you can't chase me and I was like fuck bro

Like it's all you then, you know Fucker stole belts right in front of me. I was like get out of here man. Like because you can't do anything This is just you off Little bit just it feels disrespectful Yeah, like right in your face and you're like that's trash it's like fuck you little fucker just cause you can't afford the belt

you don't come here to steal and also if you're stealing something that's just a good and it's not like a want it's not a need or something or a snack or something like that milk bread or something, oysters like that then you're not do your It's your own choice at that point. You know it's not you like needing to survive

You know it's just you don't need a Gucci belt to fucking pay you know yeah, you can't eat a Gucci belt man Um who's at the mall anymore, and how has that changed over time? Oh, man? So from the early 2000s till now it's definitely a huge change. Everyone back then went to the mall no matter what. Oh yeah. I mean you had the grandma like in the morning, in the beginning of the morning, if you find the right mall, like I worked at a mall in Minnesota and that mall had like little mile markers through it and you get the whole old person group coming out and do their power walking and shit Yeah, I love that and so those are the days where you would see that transition about 9 10 a.m

Where all the old people leave and then you get the adults coming in, you know Like get the sales and shit and then once noon hit if it's a weekend Then the kids start piling in it's fucking you know the mall was functional back then yeah It was like people watching was fun fucking back. You know like it was fun to watch now I feel like nobody cool goes to the mall if you like and it's not like I'm not saying like that It's just like yeah, you go to the mall now for like direct service You're like all right. I'm going to here to get this and I'm leaving a lot of people don't hang out at the mall no more It's not like let's go to fucking Cinnabon and grab us some

Wetzel's pretzels, you know shot to us as pretzels by the way, by the way If you notice Wetzel's pretzels you can only find in a mall. I swear really. Yeah, think about it Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Wow mall food. Yeah mall food is definitely something. Yeah, dude, the mall was such a place. I mean, we would sleep overnight outside of there. Hell yeah. Yeah, your friends, you'd go. I remember during summer camp, one of our field trips would be to the mall.

We'd all go to the mall. People would wish in the fountains that were at the mall. Oh, f- They'd have, yeah, what else would we do there? You'd just go in and see the different stores walking down the mall. You'd stop at that candy store that had all the different candies. You'd go in the Bed Bath & Beyond or the Candle Store and do that. Or the Disney Store. The Disney Store.

The fucking Disney Store. That shit was fucking clutch. Mexicans love that store too, eh? Fuck yeah. Why, bro? Why, though, that store too. Hey, fuck. Yeah, why bro? Why though really I liked it bro? It's not racist if it's true and I stick by this if you can't afford to go to Disneyland Then the Disney store was the next best thing they had little fucking things I love the I love the Disney store man. I was Disney store was so good, bro The good the the original Disney store that they still have them

But the og Disney stores when they were like, Hi, welcome in, and Tinkerbell would come flying by, and you're like, fuck it, I'm here. Dude, you're right, bro. There was nothing like that Disney store. We used to get, they used to have the shirts with the characters coming out of the pocket. Yeah, goofy with hang off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a big thing, man. I remember I get my Siblings Christmas gifts and stuff from there a lot of times nightgowns or something you could get your sister like something She wanted you know oh, dude. Yeah, yeah, hey one time no bullshit one time me and my friend young Dave Shout out young Dave love you ykd young king Dave not that guy that died from smoking weed, huh?

No, no, no, I'm talking about yeah Yeah. I heard about that young king Dave bring him up Pull up young king Dave bro. RIP dude smoking big doinks He died from smoking weed, huh? Yeah. Yeah, he was like smoking well He smoked a joint backwards or something he had as bestest or whatever and it killed him Dave James young king Dave Nixon passed away at 19 Where do you swear was he always smoking out? King Dave Nixon passed away at 19. Where was he always smoking out?

This is years ago. His manager Chris Clemenza. I used to message with him for a while, bro. I was a big fan of him. Oh wow. Smoking big doinks out in, where did he say? Hell yeah. Play the audio. Out here in Amish, smoking big doinks in Amish fuck yeah

big ol' doinks he'd be smoking big doinks out there in Amish dude and he'd get um and he died damn he had uh he smoked he just smoked all the time I think and I want to say he died I want to get this right what did he die of do you know play that one more He smoked he just smoked all the time. I think and I want to say he died. I want to get this right What did he die of do you know play that one more play one more we smoking a joint We used to have guys like that work security with us really oh yeah, they were the best they've always bring the weed

It's fucking nice out who's trying to show smoke some loud filming fuck yeah, I got loud Hit my line. Either DM me or hit my line, bro. I got loud. I'm trying to smoke. Just smoke it then. Right. You know? But yeah, that was a beautiful time.

Oh, a collapsed lung is what got him. God. Oh, Jesus. Complications from a collapsed lung. He did have loud, dude. He blew his fucking Yeah, but that also comes from all those vapes that kids smoke nowadays and adults smoke them too like me and other people but Let's don't say that but yeah, I do I've been on and off it, you know, you try your best. But yeah, shut out ykd, bro

I just yeah, he was like one of the first dudes to kind of go viral and he was always smoking big doinks out there And uh, and that's what killed him He would literally drive all over just meeting people to smoke weed and shit and um, what a great guy He got too big to get in his car or whatever. He was always eating there. He is at a mall. Oh Yeah, what'd you say? Hey yo, KG where the bitches at bro? Hahahaha He almost died right there. They got Nathans in a mall? That's a great fucking mall.

Nice. So yeah just seeing something like that is great man. But go back to the Disney story. Yeah let's go back. Oh dude yeah. Start from the beginning at that man. Dude when you walk in. Yes. And it had that smell, it had that good Disney smell.

Well, it was very organized, things were kind of pricey in there a little bit, so it had like some esteem. You could get something small like a key chain, but you could get something like ice skates or something. You know, if I- Oh yeah, princess dress the whole night. All that shit, if you had a child or ice skates or something you know if I had a princess dress the whole night all that shit If you had a child or a little daughter or somebody you could take them in there

That was a pretty high-end store. I felt like for the mall as far as children's Fair finale hey that I'll never forget that bundle of plush There was always like a big area of like all the stuffed animals and shit Oh, man, I just kind of give it a hug, you know You have they had that nice stuff that now Disney showed up with a quality stuffed animal I think applause was the company that made a lot of their stuff The parent company whatever that made the stuffed animals

But yeah, dude when the Disney store came we got kicked me my friend got kicked out of a Disney store inside I don't know if you remember the little theater that was inside for kids to kind of like crawl in and there's like they would show Old Disney movies are inside there. Yeah, I was for children. I didn't go in there. Yeah well, I slid in there one time to roll blunt real quick and hurried up got that done, but then I got stuck watching the fucking cartoons and the laters like hey Keep it moving guys. Yeah, dude. Sorry. We're just like Mickey Mouse man Mall type shit homie. That's what it is dude um Yeah, what other source now? What about build a bear were you there when that came out?

Oh, yeah, yeah, and what kind of clientele would you see over there brother uh? Mostly the white folk was it really yeah, but it bears a white thing? Yeah, yeah. I would say so a little bit. You know it's an experience, it's fun. You know what I mean? Here's a store for you. Sharper Image. That was the fucking jam right there. Sharper Image was like by far, I think Sharper Image was the reason I got a mall job actually no no shit cuz oh yeah It was where the future it's where Elon Musk was born bro sharper image was it wasn't he born in a sharper image That this was our Elon Musk yes, right sharper fucking image, dude you would find a hairdryer that could sort coins and Massage your feet yeah and massage your feet tell your blood type and tell you if your mom was being a BITCH or not And then they would have like a remote control car that you could never fucking afford Yeah

And it was like it was like the best one. I don't even know what that is, but I wanted it You know they had do cuz everything in there none of it was like all none of it made any like it was a ridiculous They had like a wallet that could grate cheese. They had like, what? You know, they had like those things you'd put your women right there. What is that? Little foot spa?

Foot spa, at home foot spa. Those things that everybody bought and never used. They had- Never, never, ever. But sharper image was it, dude. They'd have like weird little like um What is this premium innovative defrosting tray? You could just set your meat out on a tray, and it would defrost that's called a counter But they sold that bitch 100 bucks for a room. It's premium innovative defrosting tray, dude

What else did they have? Sharper Image Warming Foot Massage. Fuck it, my mom had those right there. Really, did she use them? Yeah, they smelled after a while. Oh yeah, definitely, dude. They fucking rank. Ugh.

Yeah, but Sharper, oh, oh, that was it too, the hanger dryer, whatever it was, there was a hanger for your clothes that would like blow out air and shit. Really? Yeah, a lot of it was ridiculous shit. This right is a sharper image closet ionic air purifier. That's what I need whoo So between two your shirt you can put an air purifier that is it Sharper image seems like I have this invention. Yeah, it's not gonna work out, but we have this store for you Yeah, yeah everything there now

The chairs were the big thing though. You go in that's the reason you went and you'd look at the lady and she would give you A look as to whether or not it was just it wasn't a yes or no Just you could tell if you were allowed to go get in that chair. Yeah You could tell it was either they were gonna help you out or they just gave you the look. Yeah You know where your parents? Yeah, they say something like that kind of passive aggressive, but direct Yeah, who you here with myself in this chair What stores do different ethnicities frequent at the mall where do the where do me hint they go where the mehikanos go?

Seas candy really yeah For a gay free candy free samples oh wow you walk in they give you a fucking treat all right welcome to seize butterscotch you're like fuck yeah seize candy was the lick man seize candy had everyone there yeah seize candy huh mm-hmm you gotta understand though seize candy was just a reason for us to go get free candy and Mexicans love sugar yeah yeah? Fuck yeah. Wow.

Good gifts too. I used to live down in Mexico, I used to get boxes of candy all the time. I'm like, wait, are you saying something? No, no, no, it's good. I'm like, fuck yeah. Let's do this. Yeah, the peanut brittle there is pretty nice. I will say that they had it.

They made a beautiful brittle for a while. I don't even know if Seize Candy is still open or not. Oh, they are. They are? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Giving out them free samples daily. Where else do the Mehikanos go who?

Back then Let's see I forget the name of the store. Oh remember KB toy store. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't go to toys or us They went to KB toy store because it was cheaper Respect yeah, I mean I went there. I love KB toys. Yeah, I remember seeing it I don't know where we would I think we did a lot of times to get our toys over at Walmart I think but um what about the brothers and sisters? Where do they pull up at? Oh shit? Bed Bath and Beyond no lotions. Oh What's Melgo smell goods and lotions for Shoshan's bruh?

You could oh, yeah. There was tons of lotion. Uh. God, they had all kinds in there, too. All kinds. Uh. Dude, remember when, um, okay, so black people went to Bed Bath & Beyond.

Do you remember at Bed Bath & Beyond, bro, when they came, there was, ugh, was it Bed Bath & Beyond? I think it was. Maybe it was at Sephora. They had these lotions that started to smell like cookies and shit, dude Oh, yeah, and they'd never had it before and people were going crazy Mm-hmm. I actually you know, what's funny is I remember that year the summer girls were walking by smell like candy and shit

Like yeah, what is this? This is nice, you know, I think it was bed bath and beyond Yeah, you go Christmas cookies man body lotion. God that was nice Shit was nice, bro. It was like the new cocoa butter. Yeah Bath and body bath yeah bath and body work What about the Indians What about the Indians, Bangladeshi, Muslims, all that? Where do they pull up at?

High end stores. Really? Yeah, they're the high end people. The dads always walking with their hands behind their backs, moms with their purses out, kids spending all their money. Oh yeah, 100%. That's Asian. What was up at Hot Topic, dude?

Ooh, Hot Topic, man. Who hung out there? That was a different corner. Okay, so my Hot Topic era was the real emos, the real little grungy ass kids that came in there and shit. You know, it's all like Sailor Moon now, but back then it was- Fucking kids eating rust and shit.

Fuck yeah, man. Like they would come in and make black makeup all over their face and shit, but- The beautiful big bow but the beautiful big Man the real Maryland manson kid yeah I mean those the people that would eat their parents if you gave them a half hour fuck Yeah, and they didn't buy you something from hot topic. Yeah, real MFers hot topic was it right? I mean, I loved hot topic and what's funny is I grew up very urban very like

Hip-hop and all that shit, but Hot Topic was definitely a vice of mine. Yeah, it was, man. It really was. It was like when you went in there, you're like, what's going on? Am I old enough to be in here? Is this something just my older brother

and sister can go to? That was crazy. And they also had music in there. Yeah. They had CDs. This was back when they had CDs and shit. And so that was different, because people would be there,

if you're there picking up music, then your brain's in like a music space, so you might get a shirt that goes with a band, you know. Yeah, because there was a bunch of ICP albums there. Yeah. That's who we used to hang out at Hot Topic, like the Juggalos of San Diego. Yeah, I used to love it.

Hot Topic was like that, man. Hell yeah. Any other store really? What about structure over that store now? Oh? Look at you last in the pad Wow Miller's outpost even do Miller's outpost was like about, Arizona and shit Yeah, Miller's outpost turned into what anchor blue or something like that really? Yeah I didn't know anchor blue was like the first time you could buy like baggy pants and shit You know cuz I was like fuck yeah

but Miller's Outpost was definitely one of the stores that All the trendy kids went to like everyone popular went to Miller's Outpost got Jenco's and shit like yeah, dude fucking Levi's They had the suede vans there Yeah, dude. I'd never seen a Miller's Outpost a lot of lived in Arizona for a little bit And that's when it was a little bit different What do you guys see on the cameras and did you guys ever catch anybody having sex or anything like that man? so I Actually have a good story about that. We've seen a lot on camera. I've seen people getting head

Seen I've seen it all. Oh, yeah, that's one vote for Trump right there. Yeah, but We had a direct incident with one of our guards. And what rank was he? He was a no-striper. No-stripe. He was a no-stripe. He was a baggy pant dicky wearing guy like me. Good guy though, but he was messing around with a girl from Cinnabon.

He was. Yeah. Was she cute? She was all right. She was from Cinnabon. He was. Yeah. Was she cute? Eh, she was alright. She was a Cinnaboner, you know? So one day I'm watching the cameras and on the cameras I notice she's going to the car and I'm like, that's not our guy. I think it's the movie theater guy, you know?

Wait, what are you talking about? I'm confused. Okay, so the girl from Cinnabon, we were watching her go from Cinnabon to the parking lot to her car. Okay. But she was walking with a guy. Oh, she's walking with a guy to her car. Yeah, I mean, I think he was the employee,

one of the employees from the movie theater. Goes in there, we could clearly tell they're doing some shit. He leaves, within five minutes, somebody else comes walking up, it's our guard. he gets in the car. They start doing their thing. Oh, was it a Honda Accord? It was a Nissan Altima. Yeah. Yeah Altima for sure. So They do their thing and we're just like me and my other guy like no fucking way. This is happening

Like she's on her break, you know, she's doing all fucking way. This is happening like she's on her break You know she's doing all this on her break. Oh, so she's on her break. She met up with movie, dude They're hanging in the car. He leaves five minutes later Y'all's boy shows up the other guard shows up does his thing somebody from your rank So we call he gets in there, and I was like hey, man. I got to show you something And I was like hey, you know we saw you go and he's like yeah but I know you're not gonna say nothing right you know I'm like yeah but rewind he's like what the fuck so we start you know talking shit to him and all this stuff

but I go up to the Cinnabon girl and I was like hey I watched everything that happened she was like please don't say nothing like Cinnabon for life so I got free cinnabon for life But yeah, my boy and the movie guy tax the same girl in the in the fucking in a half hour period Saw that on camera. And do you think it was full sex? Do you think it was a oral? This it had been full sex the second guy no way why he came out just in his pants She came out like adjusting her shit. The first one just she was calling like you know Well wiping it up. Oh, yeah, she needed. She probably just needed free passes or something. You know oh Yeah, you know that's probably when um

What's that movie that killed Paul Walker? That's probably fast and furious 3 came out have you um what else would you guys uh? Do you guys ever um? This just shows how they can follow people with the mall From oh yeah, security to 9-1-1 you can do this to oh yeah, cold last month We should do it all the time. A security guard watches two men and a woman on store security cameras load items into a cart

like this wallet that she's convinced are about to be stolen. And they can see the merchandise. They've got a cart full and they're in a U-Haul truck. They have a whole U-Haul? In a U-Haul. In a parking lot. She watches as they casually go through the store, even taking time to sample some cologne,

but accumulate more and more items in their cart. They're about to go. They're east. Hold on. Sorry, they keep coming. They're about to exit and then they come back. They're like, clotting their exit. As the security guard waits for police to arrive, she's still on the phone with 911 when the woman pushes the cart full of stolen items out the front door. Yeah, they're gonna go right now.

I gotta go make the apprehension. We need more prevention! We need more prevention! We need more prevention! She's the one in purple chasing the woman with the cart. See, that's what I'm... So you can run out and yell, lost prevention, though. Yeah.

Do you guys do that? I've done it a couple of times. Yeah, what do you do? What's that like? So what's it like now? You see somebody stealing, take me through it. Nowadays, today, someone's stealing, you're pretty much just grabbed a description of them,

all that and... Can you call them a pussy or anything like that? You can, but you just like be wary of the cameras around you You know cuz everyone's got a cell phone nowadays And it's like you could you could literally lose your job over saying that's like fucking bullshit You know cuz I do want to yell out that shit. Yeah, the guys a thief or the woman is yeah Definitely have had my moments of Hey, please stop don't do this. You're gonna fuck up

I literally have your license plate, and they're just turn around like, fuck you. And it's like, okay, man. And you just have to follow them out, and you're just kind of escorting the thievery. Nowadays, you're just escorting them. Now kids are coming in like 20 at a time, filling up trash bags, and you can't stop that.

Nowadays, man, you just have to really escort him out You know so now thieves almost get security guards. Yeah To make sure nobody touches them on their way out you know right and make sure nothing else No, so I don't want anybody else getting involved here You're almost trying to keep other people safe that are there that sort of thing yeah Like I'm trying to steal professionally here man back everyone up You know like I'm trying to have a clear path to my car, and it's like you give them that you know even um Hey, um bro one time Louis Vuitton had me work. I was working at the Louis Vuitton store in the mall. Oh hell Yeah, and we had a protest

Protests came and they start what? Fur like something about like fur like cuz Louis Vuitton kills animals or some shit blah blah blah all that horse shit But then they're all wearing leather Nikes, and I'm like you guys are fucking up, you know But the this is it. Oh This could have been in a different mall Yeah, this they're from they're from like a far some shit like that They do this like weird ass Instagram post for everyone to meet up and then they'll come though. They do that they come in with the fucking Bullhorns and shit, right and they say stop with the fur

Yeah for kills or something like that, but I didn't let him in my door and this fucking Put her megaphone right here and I literally like you have cameras and everything and I'm and I'm just Bearing like all my hate for everything I've ever had in my life. She says the sound going right in your face. Yeah. And then she'll turn it around and then she'll let the siren up because we had a rope. It's like, well, we're going to let you go so far. It's like, I don't cross this rope, you don't cross this rope. She had the fucking bullhorn right here.

And it's like, I don't condone hitting women at all but I want to shove this bullhorn down your fucking throat right now yeah you know and there was a point in time where one of the guards came and he saw me shaking he goes are you gonna hit her I'm like since you said it no you know but if you wouldn't have said it in the next minute something might have fucking happened you know and those are things you can't do 20 years ago I'd have snatched that bullhorn threw it across the fucking mall. Oh, yeah for sure 100% But it's it's stuff like that nowadays. It's like that like protesters They get away they're throwing fur and fake blood at you and you're just like

What are you supposed to do? You know like and how much you guys get paid an hour? 20 bucks an hour Yeah, ain't nothing man, you know get paid an hour? 20 bucks an hour or something. Fuck, come on man. It ain't nothing man. I get hit by blood and fur and shit. It's like, what? Um... We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day?

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Oh yeah. Hell yeah, dude, I did it too one time. Did you? Yeah, New Orleans, dude. Okay, I was gonna say, he was in that, you know, this one place, because you do look familiar. No, no, I did it too one time. Did you yeah, New Orleans? Oh, yeah, I was gonna say he wasn't that you know There's one place because you do look familiar No, I've

We've caught two people on camera going in and you can clearly tell they didn't go in with anything Yeah, and the girl was like, you know giving the just suck your dick and I was like, oh, she's doing blowing in there She's doing probably blow and blow in here. Can you see is there camera you can see in there? No, not at all Okay, not at all. You could clearly see him walk in and she was like, yeah I'm gonna suck your dick and I was like, oh, she's gonna suck his dick and we creep up, you know We don't make it no we creep up we listen get a little perv on for a second and then Fucking beat on the doors really hard and then you know, it's just Yeah, something you know like do see you know like you know, it's just, oh, you know. Yeah, something, you know, like, deuce, you know, like,

you know, but definitely I've caught many people in the act. Many, all races, all genders, caught two gay dudes one time. That was an experience for me. Really? Yeah. Like, what, did you see any action? Sword fighting. No.

Saw two wieners at once in your own line of vision? Yeah. Yeah, damn, that's a lot. It was at Horton Plaza. Horton Plaza is down in San Diego. It's not there anymore. No, that's theieners at once in your own line of vision. Yeah It was that Horton Plaza Horton Plaza is down in San Diego. It's not there anymore. No, that's the horn play. Yeah, so it was inside the theater and Theater called and said hey, there's something going on. We need males to come into the bathroom and handle this So I get in the bathroom and I hear giggling

and I almost feel they wanted to get caught. Yeah. Because when I opened the door, it was almost like they were paused and then like, oh, sorry. And I'm like, uh, can, please stop. And what, they had their wainters out? Yeah, both of them.

Oh, wow. Unfortunately, one was hard and one was not. Oh, wow. So you really looked. Yeah, I had to. Like, it was, I mean had to like it was I mean in half time at a certain point you as you well I think if you see the rest of somebody's body is naked You know the wieners right there in the middle, you know when you walk in and something and it's like oh, oh, oh Yeah, there was a you know that three-step part of like hey guys dicks Okay, get the fuck out of my bathroom now, you know,

but I feel they wanted to get caught 100%. Well, there is something weird. If you see somebody naked immediately, you need to know if they have, like you, like you can't even help, but there's something inside of you, I guess, maybe. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's probably like competition.

Is it bigger than mine, you know, like? You think? No, I think you just don't. I don't know. I remember, I was in, we were in New Orleans, my girlfriend, we went into Victoria's Secrets, right? We went up in there. And yeah, we both snuck in there,

and then just started having a little bit of SCX, boy. And we were young, and so it was, you know, it was so, you know, and not like, it was fun when you're young, it's fun to just do a little bit of fucking or whatever. And it's, yeah, it was like, yeah, sober sex is for children, I've always said that. And anyway, it was just, that was awesome.

I miss her a lot sometimes and, you know. What else, was there other sexual instances you guys would see? I miss her a lot sometimes. And you know, what else? Was there other sexual instances you guys would see? Oh yeah, a lot in the parking lot. Really? A lot of going to the parking lot. A lot of employees after work in the parking lot. What, doing sex in cars? Oh yeah, oh yeah.

We caught somebody behind the trash can, the dumpsters one time. Like they coordinated to go take out trash together because the guy told me, he goes, yeah I told her to take out trash at like 8 and we met. Yeah, it's Romeo and Juliet Fuck yeah, and the gross thing is like it was the food court trash can so it's more like food and you couldn't use the one They use is plastic and cardboard. Oh, yeah, that's recycler and Juliet Oh

Yeah, right there behind the dumpsters though. Oh, yeah, if I oh, yeah, yeah, that's a dumpsters though. Oh, yeah, if I oh, yeah it's hard for me to stay erect if there's broken glass around or Like a bad trash smell is rough, you know, the smell of other pee kind of throws it off, too Oh Dude, I remember so wiggers kind of remember them. Oh, yeah, I was one. Yeah. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah right on dude Yeah, I had a black step. I have a black stepdad. So grew up in that, you know, yeah. Yeah, and there was like you're a wigger I'm like how there's a real one at my house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well it but they started at the mall Oh, yeah, 100% Yeah, like back in the day

I feel like if you needed a wigger or you needed a ginger you went to foot locker or lids I feel like that's where they kind of that was like their junior college this guy just called out my whole life right now I love lids lids is a definite place for you to roll up and see what was kind of wiggering around the area you know yeah, oh yeah. Malibu's Most Wanted was always walking through lids. It was great. And those were the ones that. Yeah, that's where God kept most of the wiggers, I feel like, was Footlocker and lids, dude. Yep, oh 100%, 100%, and JCPenney's.

They hid out in JCPenney's. Really? Yeah, because that's where all some urban clothes were at. Yeah. So they would get them on sale. They knew where the sales were. What happened as malls started to decline man did you notice any of that in your time yeah you could definitely tell like over one summer about ten years 15 years ago it was just like not packed anymore wasn't fun

anymore they still had the big movie blockbusters coming out but people weren't lining up to see Spider-Man no more. Once you see the theater die out, I think that's when the mall is done. Once the theater starts going and you can't draw anybody in there, because theater's always been the hub of why you go to the mall sometimes.

What are you going there for? I'm going to the movies. But as soon as that decline started, it's sad when you see like empty stores in the mall You know like oh man. I used to go there and it's like well. It's not there anymore It's like put something in there, and they'll put like a phone store in there Are they just yeah now apples like 20 stores deep and you're like cares you know yeah? Or it'll be like Kumal's magic shop or something. It's like fuck it fuck. Tell me

I'm not going if yeah, if someone's dropping you out fit the mall to learn magic, dude. You are being Sex traffic, dude. Yeah, you're being set up for something. I mean that's easy right guys But what about during the holidays did malls always stay busy at the holidays? Yeah, they did. They did for sure because once like like you said once the decline happened start stores are doing more sales during the holidays trying to get the attention out and Those were the times it's like the holidays for the mall was great because it's like traffic people were out having good times and stuff Yeah, you know mingling people were out having good times and stuff like, you know, mingling.

Yeah, it's fun. And that's the best. And that's the best thing about the mall. They're blasting that music, man. Twenty four seven. It's like, yeah, I feel so good. And. With with the holiday mall thing, it's. I wanted to go back to that, like, get rid of Cyber Monday and put it all back in the mall, put the holiday sales back in the mall. Let us fight. Let us like terrorize doors You know like I missed the real Black Friday's. Yeah, the real Black Friday's are gone really yeah, the true Black Friday's of sitting out all night, and you open that door and

Two Black Friday's I got in a fight. Okay. Yeah, I've got a Black Friday was crazy for you guys Oh, yeah, black like that. How would you prepare for that? Would you guys like? Did you yeah, like would you guys have to do any special training before black fighters or did you guys get up early? They what was that like? to be honest a Lot of us would do actual stretches like for black Friday because we knew we had an 18 hour day Some of us who were smart enough eight right eight correctly stretched out a little bit because we knew we had an 18 hour day. Some of us who were smart enough, eight right, eight correctly stretched out a little bit because we knew we were going to fight, especially if you were,

if there was a target at a mall, like if there's a target set in the mall, that target was the worst place for black Friday. Everyone's lined up. They're rushing through, they are punching you. They don't give a shit about nothing. But, but the, the OG black Fridays, man, I, I'd miss those. Those were the fighting days over like something yeah and oh yeah and those were like in those were the first like remnants of you can't touch anybody you know the OG Black Fridays were kind of like the start of don't touch anybody just let them fight over that fucking blender that's only two bucks right you know and

you let them go at it well used to be you could buy like a coffee maker. They'd have like a coffee maker that can tell if your cousin's gay or not, you know? And he'd be like, well, who cares? But yeah, we gotta get that, you know? And they would fight over it. Yeah, or they'd have like a water purifier that can tell, that can guess you're like a waiter or whatever.

It's just like shit that's like. One lady, one lady, one black Friday got beat up outside because At the time I don't they don't think I understood the system of layaway So like the actual store didn't understand what they got themselves into yeah, so this lady goes up and Everyone's in fucking line for the electronics everyone's fought already now I've lined everyone up calmed everyone down because the electronic department in the store wasn't open yet They're waiting two hours to put everything on sale

This lady goes and asks how many PlayStation or how many ps4s do you have and like oh we have a hundred I remember hearing like we have 120 She goes I want to put a layaway on all 120 because it was only like five bucks a layaway 120 she goes I want to put a layaway on all 120 because it was only like five bucks a layaway So she's like how many cameras do you have okay? and so she spent like I don't like two grand on layaway and Bought out damn near everything that people were waiting in line for so by the time like even the second person like so I can't get A PlayStation they're like no soon as they put on layaway They have to take that exact item and put it in the back

So it wasn't like they can reorder anything that was like whatever was out was out on sale So this fucking lady put all this shit on layaway She gets out and people down the line went met her outside and asked her like hey Are you gonna sell this stuff like is there any way we can get in it? And she's like no and start walking away, and they beat the shit out of her and I Shut the door and walked away. That's greed. Yeah, I was like, you deserve that one.

Cause she was one of those. She deserves it, you can't go on Christmas. You're telling me, you are, you, how old was a woman? Oh, she was in her forties. Good. You're telling me, Miss Forties, you're gonna use 120 hundred and twenty playstations You're getting you're getting the fucking beat up. You're getting beat up and that's the kind of shit we need Vigilante ism here's a video right here black Friday stampede. Oh paint we need to be your secrets and

This is whites hunting panties right here. Oh Oh Lot of fucking thong Yeah, God that thong in there, but I remember when the thong came out Mm-hmm. No, no Google when did the thong come out bro because that changed everything bro Everybody became a hoe right then. Mm-hmm. When did the thong come out bro? The thong swimsuit? I'm talking about the thong panty, bro like when when did it come out in Walmart to make you feel uncomfortable because remember when I Remember there was a time when they were actually out like in the Walmart and you'd walk by and you feel oh shit I don't think I could walk by this aisle

1990s it said uh Looks like they debuted in 74 were really caught on in the 90s. Let's go to, yeah, go, get it. Okay, 74, go to there. The thong makes its official debut with Rudy Gurneyich's invention of the thong swimsuit. Yep, 2002. A year later, this style is being sold as underwear across America. That's in 74. In 1990s, thong underwear hits the mainstream. That's what happened. Marketed widely as a practical undergarment to pair with slim fit jeans to best avoid visible panty lines.

Yum, yum. The 1995 Victoria's Secrets hold its first public runway show led by model Stephanie Seymour and Rebecca Ramon, igniting a consumer thong frenzy, dude 2002 over 120 million pairs of thong underwear were sold in the US alone That's when I was at the mall really yeah, that's those are the years. I was at them like those are the good days, man Because I was 22 so he had all those like Those young ass women coming out of college buying and the fuck it was like five for thirty oh

Yeah, I would definitely I would be I Would be in there I bet a sniffer's dream was it would you guys ever go in there and do some pervy shit We wouldn't but we would catch the people that were You know where there's some lurkers in there in Victoria's Secret? Oh, yeah. What was that like? Because that was the, was that where the babes were at? Where were the babes at in the mall?

Victoria's Secret. OK. Victoria's Secret. We got a call one time about a pervy dude in Victoria's Secret. Oh, yeah. Because I guess they're allowed to try on the panties, and they put a little panty, like whatever they do to put a little panty liner in to like block the you know the clam and the jam so I

Guess they when they take the panties off. It's not like they go throw them in a washing machine They just put them back on the rack So I guess the guy caught on to where they were putting those panties and he would go by and just kind of oh yeah These look good. Yeah, get that good whiffin boy. Make that fucking, make your wiener walk forward, baby. I like that. Yeah, I, dude, I, yeah. I understand. I think it's, and you guys have to go and talk to that guy?

Yeah, unfortunately. Really? Yeah. Like how do you, what do you say there? I actually used my own words. I said, hey man, what the fuck are you doing in here sniffing underwear like that? And he's like, I'm not. I'm like, bro, you are in here sniffing panties like a fucking pervert. Why? He's like, and he started walking away. I said, hey bro, don't come in here no more. Stop grabbing handfuls of panties and sniffing them. We see you. And then he walks out and I I swear

He said this under his breath. He goes. I'm still gonna do it Really? Yeah, I was like he's dedicated. Yeah But he was definitely one of the only ones that I actually encountered I've heard plenty of story like there was there's Victoria's Secret girls used to tell stories all the time about like oh man this guy used to do like a run-by sniff or girls would like If they pull up their panties or they would hold panties in the air to look at him or something a guy would like Drop his wallet or something good, you know a quick little sniff by and he's like, yeah, we see a lot of that here

I'm like, why don't you say anything like sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's really pervy. I'm like, it's all pervy It's not pervy. But at the same time, I guess it could be funny if you just see somebody hit a knee and a sniff. Yeah, and what would they do is try to sniff, smell the woman? The butt. Oh yeah. Yeah.

That'll get you. Sniffers are weird. Yeah, well it's, you know, humans are 40% animal or something, and they do it, you know? So I don't think it's crazy. No. But it's, yeah. It's an art form. I I don't think it's crazy. No. But it's, yeah, it's an art form.

I don't know if it's an art form, that's crazy, but yeah, it seems weird. I think it should have been something back in the day that got frowned upon, like, hey, you can't be sniffing Sally's ass. It's like, whatever. Yeah. Have you ever had to protect like a mall Santa

or anything like that? Yes. Or what's it like when the mall Santa's come? Take me through some Christmas time lore. Okay, so the mall Santa situation is always a fun one because Eight out of ten times He's a drunk really. Oh, yeah You get you you will you will honestly get a Santa guy that comes in there who? Dedicates his life to be in Santa all year long who can't wait to go to the mall to do the Santa thing

And then you got Guys like me who are like fuck. I just need a job for like the season. It's a seasonal job, you know But I've had guys Literally pull up drunk, you know, like hey, where do I go? I'm like, who are you Santa? It's like oh Come on over here The Santa the the drunk Santas were always fun because they had the drugs, they had the weed, and they were the funniest with the kids because they were the nicest.

The guys that actually did the Santa full year, they would get irritated through the first two hours. The drunk ones would be like, hell yeah, I'll get you a Ferrari with anything you want, you know? So I used to hang out with those Santas during the season. I'll get your mom a half pound of cock, you feel me? That's crazy, that's stupid. Actually, you know, I've actually heard a Santa hit

on her mom. Yeah, and he should, dude. He said, I got a present for you to unwrap. Oh, Santa should get, the first guy any woman should want is Santa, who's your husband? You're like, uh, You know, he plays for the Mets or whatever like bitch. My husband is Santa We had Santa on the podcast show a clip of that guy. Let's just get a look at him. He was amazing, man. Oh He's got the full look at him. He got a championship belt on an area. Look at him

He is the world champion of Santa's it was so cool to meet him, dude We were excited how long is he how long did he do it for he was in the game? I think 26 years he did mall Santa stuff. He was sanding he done all types He'd done it from everywhere across the globe from Guam Oh, wow, Connecticut. Yeah, he'd done everywhere He's done it from everywhere across the globe. From Guam to... Oh wow. Connecticut, yeah, he done everywhere. And what was it like? Anybody ever, any issues with mall Santas or anything?

One Santa had to get fired his third day, and I think because he fought a parent, because the kid asked for something, and the parent was going like this, trying to tell Santa, like, tell him no, tell him no. It's like Santa's not allowed to say no you know I mean well the kid was just asking for like toys like basic-ass toys but I guess the kid was a bad kid and this was supposed to be a lesson to the kid but the parent didn't let us in on the fucking on the jam so the kid starts telling Santa like hey

you know I want this toy this toy this toy this toy. He's like, oh yeah, this, that. And she's like, no, tell him no. Like you can see him kind of like, okay. So he keeps going on, then the dad walks up and he starts still telling the story or telling what toys he wants. And the Santa starts just eyeballing the dad because now the dad's like doing this.

So the kid gets up and now the dad walks over and says, hey man, we're telling you fucking no. And he's like, hey, I don't know what you're telling me. No, he's just asking for toys. And the dad kind of just did like this little backhand do it, like he's like, shut up, just kind of backhand. It literally, a transformer. He went from Santa to whatever his name was.

Because he stood up and literally as he stood up, the beard, the hat and everything just kind of came off. The whole top. He's like, what? And they just started fighting right there on the spot. He's like, he started, Santa started hitting them. I kind of stepped in the middle, pushed the mom back because the mom started clawing at us. And then the kids like he, the kid literally standing there going, what did I? He yelled out, what did I? Am I getting a bike? I just want to know.

But he literally yelled out, what did I do wrong? And I'm like, oh, man. Like, in my head, you didn't do nothing wrong. It's your fucking parents, you know? Yeah. And later on, and the cops came, the parents were explaining that we're trying to teach him a lesson. We brought him here because we want to talk to Santa and all this shit, and I'm like well you ended up getting your ass whooped

Yeah, so what's the lesson here? Yeah, you shouldn't you can't attack Santa because he has met because he's the best that's why yeah And bro you don't know who's under that Santa you know no Let me ask you this Any would you hit on women at the mall? Cause it's probably hard. Here's what I would guess would be tough. A woman shows up at the mall, she's attractive.

You feel attracted to her. But then how do you not just chase her? Like not chase her on the, but you know what I'm saying? A mall is just, people are going in a certain direction. If you, you know, cause I, even I remember when I was young and I'd be at the mall, you'd kind of be following the girl around the mall. Mall stocking? Mall stocking's real.

Is that what it's called? Mall stocking. Mall stocking. And as a mall cop, you can definitely get away with it more than just being an average Joe. Yeah. You know, because if you're like just following a girl in normal clothes, you're like, what's going on? But no, we used to mall stock back in our days, you know, girls would show up and it'd be nice too because like, it's kind of weird because we had our own little groupies because they think we like,

oh man, he's a security guard. He can get us backstage like to what, you know? Yeah. The best we can do is probably sneak into the theater, you know, and that right there was money back in the day. Girls loved us for that. Really? Yeah, because it was it was a kind of a scam because I would walk the girl up to the movie theater And I would know half the people anyway, but most of the time I'd walk up. I'm like hey She left her purse in the theater. I'm just gonna walk her in and make sure she gets out and they're like okay guys You're all right. I'm like so what movie would you like to see? Easy numbers man easy numbers, but yeah mall cops actually had their own little groupies around it was great ever get laid from

One woman you met at the mall? Nah. Yeah, really? Nah, no. I never pursued too much, I never pursued the clientele. Yeah. Yeah, just cause you never knew where that was gonna land. Oh yeah, for sure.

Sometimes you see an attractive woman and they're just shopping at the wrong store and you're just like, oh yeah, good on that. Sometimes that just fucks everything up. Yeah. So do mall cops have enemies? Do you guys have? Other mall cops.

Really? Yeah. Other mall cops. So there would be beef on the force? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So say you have mall cops. Breaks my heart. Say you have mall cops that they're on their day off, and they come to your mall, and they make it known that they're all cops. It breaks my heart. So you have mall cops that like they're on their day off and they come to your mall and they make it known that they're mall cops. Now there's just that beef and you see them walking around cause sometimes they'll come here like, oh, we wouldn't do it like that.

Oh, you guys do it like, oh, well we do it like this. Like now we have beef. Fuck your mall. Fuck your whole mall. Yeah. So there was mall beef. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. I mean, there, anything mall beef. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Anything has beef, you know what I mean? But mall cop beef was funny. Would you guys ever do like a volleyball team or anything like that for your mall? Was there any like, um? No, I did try to get a softball tournament going between the mall guys one time.

I really, I'm not kidding. I really tried to get. Of course. I really tried to get some softball shit going. Go out there, get drunk. And if things lead to the ninth inning, we fight. We fight. You know what I mean? But yeah, I was trying to get some softball shit going go out there get drunk And if things lead to the ninth inning we fight we fight you know what I mean, but yeah I was trying to organize some things trying to have some fun. You know yeah Yeah, I think you have to I remember at a walfouse one night

I've been using or whatever and I was in there and I almost had a Team to put together to fucking play another walfouse. Oh shit. Yeah, and Then I don't know what happened after that. I think I might have fallen asleep or something. But it was just, yeah, people were. Hey, when you get them on board though, that's the best. Oh, that's when it's the best, dude. What about, ever have a lost child situation there?

Oh, shoot. Yeah. Ever had a kidnapped child situation? No kidnapping situation. An attempted kidnapping happened on my day off. We all heard about it. I'm not going to say it wasn't like a major thing to where like somebody got out and like snatched a kid, but I guess a lady was going around courting kids, so to say.

Like, like if the parent would walk away, the lady, I guess the lady was walking up and just kind of like oh do you know my son have you met my son oh I think you go to school with him he's over there and I guess she was just like listing random names and just a kid goes to elementary it's like you might hit one of the names oh James is over there and I guess on the camera one of the kids like looked up and said oh James and went to walk towards and the mom's like hey where you going and if the mom wouldn't have looked I think that would have been it for the kid but no straight out by kidnapping lost kids all day out of a five week or out of a five day like schedule for the week for those days you're gonna deal with a lost

kid guaranteed guaranteed what happens what's the major cause of that well like schedule for the week, for those days, you're gonna deal with a lost kid. No way. Guaranteed, guaranteed. What happens, what's the major cause of that? Parents just being like just too into what they're doing, kids just running off, not paying. And like I have a toddler, man, these kids are, they're just fast, you know what I mean? They're fast as fuck. And once they take off, that's it, you know?

Like sometimes it's not the parent's fault, sometimes it is the parent's fault. Like I can really back it up, like it it's not the parents fault sometimes it is the parents fault like I can really back it up like it maybe not but usually is I've had kids on the opposite side of the mall where the parents were literally like inside like JC Penney's and this kid bolted through the whole mall damn made it in other stores made it all the way down and now he's just sitting at a toy store by himself and that's the truth he was He was literally sitting in a toy store. And when I found him, he was sitting there playing with a toy and I say, Hey, his name was Jacob. I was like,

Hey, are you Jacob? And he looked up and he goes, yeah. Cause he was like seven or eight. He was, you know, like he was old enough to know like, fuck my parents. Yeah. I'm gonna go to his toy store. Yeah. I'm gonna do my own shit. Dad's not doing well or whatever. Nope. Wow. So that's gotta be kinda, is it scary or does it just get so repetitive that you're like, oh, this is probably the same thing, you know? Still scary. No, to me it's scary because one, I'm a parent and so it always sinks in like, don't wanna

lose your kid, but then you always wanna slap him in the back of the fucking head like, dude, pay attention to your kid. Yeah. You know, so. Oh, 100%. But, you know, the worst ones is during like the Black Friday, like the holiday seasons. want to slap him in the back of the fucking head like do pay attention to your kid yeah, no so 100% but You know the worst ones is during like the Black Friday like the holiday seasons because it's not like one kid It's multiple kids that are missing and it's like they're not even missing It's just so crowded you did not pay attention and you have to do an intercom thing then or no Oh, yeah, what do you do? What do you what do you say? You're just getting over line if the parents of Jacob or there's a lost kid, he looks like this

and within, if you go over a PA system, within a minute, you know, a lot of parents will start perking up, you know, like if you have a human heart, you start perking up and looking around, just trying to check your surroundings and we usually get the call like, oh he's over here playing with fucking toys, you know, and he's like, I'm gonna go get Jacob. Yeah. The food court, what's going on there, man? Food court's good. You missed it?

Yeah, I missed the OG food courts. Uh, like, Sbarro's. Sbarro's pizza was so good. Love it. It was good and horrible. But it was a lot of people's first taste of Italian. It was. Bring it up. Bring up Sbarro's.

Sbarro's was good, man. They had a lot of Bread at it, that's what I feel like this hella bready There's pizza, but still yeah, but god. Yes a bar you're right. Do what the fuck am I talking about? The bars are so damn good. So good and also you didn't know what that is. There wasn't You didn't know what was good or wasn't. Get the second, no, no, yeah, get that one. Right there, that's the one I went to.

God, it looks good. Right? I can just smell Zabaro's. Zabaro's, dude. And I loved it too. Oh, I love Zabaro's. I love Malfu, cause you don't have to wait long. It was just like, what do you need? What do you want?

And then you just go down this little jail line and you're just like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, pain. You're out. And would you guys eat there every day usually? Pretty much, yeah. Especially because once you get like, once you make friends with everybody, you're getting discounts and you're getting hooked up

because you're not telling on them because they're doing shit in the parking lot. So, you know, yeah, we ate there a a lot it gained a lot of weight did you oh yeah especially when Rubio we had a Rubio's pop-up at one of my malls and I thought that was like okay I'm gonna start eating fresh and eating better fuck no tortillas all day it was great fuck yeah Rubio's Rubio's in the malls good yeah Rubio's was pretty good man they took out a they used to have a McDonald's in the mall is good. Yeah, Rubio's is pretty good, man. They took out, they used to have a McDonald's in my mall and I know it's weird to say.

It's kind of frowned on. It's like, why would you take out the McDonald's? And it's like, because everyone would go strictly to McDonald's, because if you put a McDonald's in the mall, it's just like, you know, in like malls to a flame. But doesn't that help? Because then at least the malls are around the fricking other stores.

Yeah, but they just, I guess McDonald's just takes all the business from all the food court places Oh, because it's eat cuz kids cuz it's food court if you're with kids. It's always up to the kid where you're going You know no like McDonald's you know it's like kids always say McDonald's especially if that the playground yeah and miss fields Did they have that? Oh, Mrs.. Fields. They had the cookie cakes, remember those? Those are fucking good. My mom would always get those for us for our birthdays. Oh, man. Dude, bring that cookie.

Yes, yes. So, speaking of Miss Fields, in my day we actually used to get these cookies after they were closed because a lot of these places they can't sell the shit the next day or it goes bad or whatever I've eaten a probably a hundred of those fucking birthday cookies in my life. Yeah, take them home cut them all up Hand out to friends and shit. Yeah, I've showed up to like friends houses with fucking three or four of these cookies like

Your birthday. I'm like, no, Mrs. Fields was closing, you know You have two cakes is a happy birthday Chad on him You know fuck is Chad who gives a shit, but happy birthday Chad um what mall store had the dumbest employees oh? Shit or what mall store was just fought like what mall store was whatever it is like what do we um? What is the FYI? Um What is it FYI? Is that a store? Fye DVD store. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was a weird thing. I was like, what was it? Um, it was like the guy it was like It was like all the state. Yeah, I was like all the fake movie buffs work there

like all like it was just like it was just a weird store like they had the weirdest employees there and No disrespect to him, but you guys were weird store like they had the weirdest employees there and no disrespect to him but you guys were weird it seems weird though because it's like like you wanted to work at Hot Topic but you weren't cool enough to work at Hot Topic you wanted to work at like the music Trader or even the movie theater and you weren't cool enough to be like and this was like alright fuck it here work at FYE this is like the leftover shit yeah but to be fair FYE had a lot of good finds. Like you could find like the most random ass shit there,

you know, like a Scarface porn. You're like, hell yeah. Oh yeah, that's respectable. What store had the hot chicks? Where, yeah, what store had chicks in it usually? The Victoria's Secrets, Amber Crombury. When Amber Crombury and Fitch came out, I did not go into that store for almost the first year.

Even as an employee working at the mall, and they would tell you to go do wellness checks on your stores, I would not go in Amber Crombury and Fitch. Why? I didn't fit in the clothes. I just, it's just one of those things, man. Oh yeah, it was only for attractive people. Yeah, and I was not.

Like models, like. Yeah. It was for models, dude. Yeah, so I did not walk in there, and the one time I did walk in, I was like, only for attractive people. Like models, like it was for models. So I did not walk in there and the one time I did walk in, I was like, so this is where all the women are at. Gotcha, gotcha. But Amricromy and Fitch was just a little intimidating,

for myself. It was. I was a Miller's Outpost guy, like I said. Well, Amricromy and Fitch too, dude, and they'd have like naked children on horseback. Remember when they came out with all this photos and shit? I thought that was J. Crew that did that. I don't know who it was. J. Crew was one of those stores too. You're just like, am I a pedophile or am I a medium? You know, like you just couldn't even, nothing made any sense in those places, dude. That was, that was the weird part. Yeah. You felt

weird. Um, oh yeah. Look at, yeah. Straight. And they would have mom and sometimes they would have live models standing out there like come on Yeah, yeah That was weird. I worked at one for a little while worked in the back though Back with the sloths Back there ringing the bell for fire, but you know ringing the church bell or whatever. It's lunchtime y'all Get your back your second steam room Yeah, they would let me out sometimes to wash people six packs in the front. I had a oil them sometimes Oh, but with the spray I don't have to do the towel thing was like, you know

Bet dude bet what were the best things about being a mall cop? the leniency of not having having a boss hanging over your head sometimes, because with having the badge, you were able to go places and nobody would fucking question you. And flat out, I'm a pothead. So the best thing about being a mall cop, and I think why I stayed there so long,

was because I had so many hiding places. I had so many resources for free I had so many like resources for free food People watching was great, you know It was just like those small things but the majority of it was just not having somebody breathing down your neck 24-7 because you were like your own boss, you know, a lot of mall cops are a lot of mall security You'd only be like one or two guys, you know for at the most if it was like a busy mall It's like one or two guys and the one guy that's walking around in the platoon or whatever yeah, yeah, and then it's just like I'm just by myself. You know and that's always good

It's just always good until somebody makes a call over lost kid or some shit You know I gotta go would you ever be would you be high a lot of times? most of the time and if it if any security guard if any fucking security guard at a mall Says that they weren't stoned or not stoned or doesn't have a pin in their pocket now You're not a real security guard You know oh yeah security stone 24-7. I I will never hide that fact Wow that had to be so scary you get a call for a missing kid And then like a 30 seconds you forget what you're looking for and you just buy a and Annie's pretzel or whatever

And the mom's like if you found him you're like Who you know like um I don't I'll admit it okay, so I'll admit one time yeah, I was getting really high in the parking lot and a call comes over that a boyfriend had shown up to One of the stores and the girl had already called the cops already told the managers So we were aware of this boyfriend that was being abusive So I get the call. Mm-hmm. Hey Gus Girls boyfriend's back this and that can you head towards the store? I

100% was like confident that I was gonna make this call. It's like yeah, no problem. No problem. I'll be there right now I'm on my way. I'm actually walking but I was in the parking lot smoking. I put my radio down I go back to my phone. I go back to the blunt that's lit and I started scrolling through my phone Thinking all right, let me just hit this couple more times and I'll get out of here I start scrolling through my phone thinking, all right, let me just hit this a couple more times and I'll get out of here. About 10 minutes later, a call comes says, hey, the police are coming now, the guy hit the girl.

And I'm like, oh shit, oh fuck, I fucked up. So I'm putting it out, I'm fucking putting the sanitizer on, fucking clone and everything, deodorant. And I'm fucking running towards the thing. And the first thing I do, Theo, I can't make this up. I looked around nobody's watching. I take, I had these little scissors in my, I had this like little knife, but it had the scissors in it. I took the scissors and I cut my pants and I took dirt and I went like this and I came up limping. Mm-hmm.

I'm like, where were you? I'm like, I fucking fell and I tripped and I rolled my ankle and I was calling you guys but nobody was fucking answering me and they're like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm like I fucking fell and I tripped and I rolled my ankle and I was calling you guys But nobody was fucking answering me and they're like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine Totally lied that I rolled my ankle and fell because this girl got hit by her boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah to this day. I'm sorry To this day I feel bad. Yeah, you should have been there should have been there should have ran to the thing But I didn't think that was gonna happen but then Should have been there, should have ran to the thing, but I didn't think that was going to happen. But then that's not true. You were hot. You know, you didn't think it was. Yeah, you didn't think it was serious.

I didn't think he was going to go in and hit her. Yeah, you're right. My bad. My bad. Because it was like. The stories where he was just coming up and yelling at her for like rent money or whatever the fuck he was asking, because you asked him for money, kept asking for money. Yelling at her for like rent money or whatever the fuck he was asking because you're asking for my kept asking for money Yeah, but I didn't think he was gonna hit her but the story went and he got she got in his face And they started doing this and bumping each other and he had pushed her and like hit her something I was like fuck. I would have been there for that. I would have so been there for that But instead I was watching fucking videos

Can't win them all man, you know, and I bet there was a lot of ones that you won I'm all man, you know, and I bet there was a lot of ones that you won Gus Parsons mall cop we appreciate you man. Thanks for keeping things secure and And yeah, man. Thanks for spending your time with us today. I appreciate everything you've done for me, man Can't think I can't think you guys enough. Oh, yeah, it's gonna blast man. Thank you so much It's floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little