This Past Weekend - E545 Stavros Halkias

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners, higher skilled pros for the projects that matter. Get all your jobs done well at Angie.com. Today's guest is a standup comedian. He's a podcaster. He's an actor. He has a new film called Let's Start a Cult that he both co-wrote and starred in.

Starting point is 00:00:27 He's got his own podcast, Stavis World, and he's one of the hottest young comics in America. I'm grateful for his time today. I'm grateful for his honesty. Always, no one else I'd rather be sitting down with than Mr. Stavros Halakias. I know me And I will find a song I've been singing just for you

Starting point is 00:01:00 Hey, hey, whoa. How's it going, man? Wow, man. Good to see you. Yeah, you look so slick, huh? Thanks, man, yeah. Going with a slick back. Wow. Wow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha feel like. I love it. Explore that, bro. Like a principal, maybe.

Starting point is 00:01:25 Yeah, maybe. Principal at a very unique school. We don't give grades, man. Yeah. Yeah, you don't give grades. There's um, shit. I need some. Socks.

Starting point is 00:01:43 Dude, I think it's a good look. No. You want socks? I got her. You can't throw ankles out, dude. You can't give me. I mean, I feel homeless. I just,

Starting point is 00:01:53 I just felt some wind hit him. And my first thought was I've worked too hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I got the thighs out. I give out the whole leg for free, brother. Yeah, but you have good legs, man. Thank you, bro. I got the thighs out. I give out the whole leg for free, brother. Yeah, but you have good legs, man. Thank you, bro.

Starting point is 00:02:06 I appreciate that. Yeah, and do a lot of people from your culture have good legs, huh? I think so. Yeah, I think so. It's a leg, because even the pillars, yeah, that's a part of it, huh? There's a lot of hills.

Starting point is 00:02:20 Greece is very hilly. I think people are. The hills have thighs, dude. Over there. They really do. I think people are. The hills have thighs dude. Over there. They really do. I think that helps. Yeah. Because you see a man like that. It's like this is a structural man.

Starting point is 00:02:35 Sound, sound. I am structurally sound. You're not shaking me. You're not like that building 47 or whatever. No, no, no, no, no, no. Or whatever that is. Seven, was it building seven? Which one is it that keeps falling down? Seven. Tower. Tower seven.

Starting point is 00:02:49 Tower seven. Yeah. Yeah, the one that we can't exactly explain or something. Yeah, some guys are like, oh, this is a great time to just fucking get the insurance money. Three blocks over just to drop this one. Yeah. Fuckin'.

Starting point is 00:03:02 All right, all right. Let's see what you're doing, man. Wouldn't have happened if it was made out of Hellenic marble. Yeah, out of some strong baklava. Some baklava. You can't shake baklava either. As far as desserts go. Very structurally sound.

Starting point is 00:03:16 Structurally sound. You're right. You're right. Stavros Halkeos, dude, you have a new movie. The movie is Let's start a cult. Yes, sir. And is it kind of your new movie? Is it kind of like um, is it like what's the is it a 12 years a slave type of thing? Is it a like a Lincoln lawyer? Which is like a serious slavery drama that won Oscars with the Lincoln

Starting point is 00:03:46 Lawyer. Just a middle of the road Matthew McConaghey entertaining movie. I think it's, which are, they're both good movies by the way. Lincoln Lawyer. 12 Years a Slave was a little long. They could have done it. Maybe. Nine years of slavery. Seven minute slaves. We didn't need to see all 12 of the years. Yeah, dude. Come on.

Starting point is 00:04:08 The last two years, it's like we kind of get how this goes. We get it. We get it. But yeah, what's the story arc? Yeah, what do we expect it? Yeah, dude. So it's way less, way smaller for budget than those two. Honestly, the movie is, I just love dumb ass comedies.

Starting point is 00:04:26 Like the stuff we grew up on, like The Sandler, Spade, Farley, to Will Ferrell, to all that stuff that was just like silly as shit. The first movie I was obsessed with was Billy Madison. And just like goofy, technically a premise, but it's like, would this ever happen in real life? No, but we just need, it's there to just, as like a skeleton for jokes.

Starting point is 00:04:49 And let's get goofy, let's get silly, let's get a bunch of funny people in it. And that's what this movie is, dude. It was like, I just wanted, you know, I wanted the opportunity to make something that I loved and like, I don't consider myself an actor, I'm a fucking comic. And comedy movies I think are an extension of just like,

Starting point is 00:05:06 I'm not trying to make a good ass movie. I'm trying to make a fun time, 90 minutes. And you know, I'm proud of it, don't get me wrong, it's not fucking dog shit. Like it's still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not like Amistad or like. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:05:19 There was no. I'm trying to get something else I've seen recently. No slavery. Get out. No, no, no, I don't know what's going on with your references. No, sorry. Amadeus maybe?

Starting point is 00:05:27 No, Bridges over Madison County or whatever like that. Sure, sure, I didn't see that one. The Bridge to Terabithia. Oh, you saw that one? That's a child's movie, I saw that as a kid. It's about a, it's a, something happens to somebody I remember. I haven't seen it since I was a child.

Starting point is 00:05:43 Is it like an allegory for something wrong? Well, someone's handicapped something. I remember somebody was trying to do um The life of jesse bridges to terabithia and adolescent changes when he befriends leslie the class outside of the children created imagining a world called Terabithia which is inhabited by all manner of right. So basically no it's not like that either It's not like the bridge to terabithia. Yeah, so okay, so it's not like that either. It's not like the priesthood there, B. Theo. Yeah. So, okay. So it's not like that. It's just fun, dude. And I think like- Funny movie. Good comedy. Funny. Turn your brain off. No lessons. You're not going to be a better-

Starting point is 00:06:14 You're not going to be a better or worse person. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're just going to have a good time. Yeah. You're just- you can get high as fuck. You know what I mean? Like, you can make some popcorn.

Starting point is 00:06:24 Yeah. You won't miss plot points. You might wanna go back and miss and see if you missed a joke, but you get the movie. You know what I mean? The whole point is like, basically the like bullet point is what if a guy was so annoying, his cult committed suicide without him?

Starting point is 00:06:40 Like they left him out of the final ritual. And then he tries to start up his own cult. And that's the like, and so I'm just, I'm that guy. I'm the fucking annoying idiot who's just like, you know, with a heart of gold, classics, classic comedy shit. And I just like, you know, we meet a bunch of funny people. We have really funny comics in it. Bobby Kelly is in it for a little bit.

Starting point is 00:07:02 Tom Poppa is in it for a little bit. You know, a lot of really funny, just like Wes Haney, who is the who co-wrote it with me and Ben Kittnick. It was basically like, me and my friends got a chance to make a movie and I was like, yeah, fuck it. What the fuck? Like, no one, no one lets him

Starting point is 00:07:18 no one lets, no one lets me star in a movie. You know what I mean? So you just gotta do it. So, yeah, it's nice to have a movie where it sounds like you just can just go look at a movie. Go look at a movie. And the jokes are like, I'm not trying to make any commentary on anything. Yeah. I'm just trying to make you laugh.

Starting point is 00:07:36 Yeah. And it's like that it has been even some of my favorite movies, like towards the end, they all kind of had weird lessons or they just kind of got like even 40 year old Virgin. It's weirdly like an allegory for virginity and like find saving yourself from it. You can read into a lot of those movies, you cannot read into this movie. There is nothing, there is no subtext.

Starting point is 00:07:59 It's a fat, it's a lovable fat guy getting into hijinks for 89 minutes, not even 90. You'll be out. You'll be out. And if you fast forward through the credits, we get that to 87 and a half. Nothing like a thick guy coming in short. Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. So I get the movie and they need good comedy. It's like, you go to a thing now. It's like, yeah, some stuff. It doesn't even make you laugh. Like, what is this about or whatever? And then like everybody at the end is kind of like handicapped or something. Like, what is this? You know, it's like Elliot gets a rainbow or something. What is this? It's not, you know, and it's like the guy always has a heart transplant, but his new heart is, um, like. Like, it's, yeah, it's like a libertarian or something. So now he's like, I'm going to kill myself because I would rather, I would rather die than have a heart that's against public school systems or something.

Starting point is 00:08:55 You know, no one will be committing seppuku at the end of this movie for their political beliefs. It's called, it's called homeschool heart. It's a movie where somebody gets art transplant and that heart was a homeschool teacher. Was a homeschool teacher. That would be crazy. That would be fun, yeah. Yeah, it's either, it's like both sides,

Starting point is 00:09:15 it's like, and even independent movies, it's like, I don't know, cause I, you know, I'd love to talk about just more comedy stuff too, but. Yeah, but this is interesting cause it's a new time where someone is making their own film. Well, that's the thing, dude, is like, I don't know how you feel, but I feel like I hit the jackpot of all jackpots, right? Like, I never thought I'd be fucking podcasting, you know what I mean? Like, I wanted to just do comedy.

Starting point is 00:09:39 I never thought I would have to, like, build my own fan base to just make a living and then got really lucky. So when you get lucky, what do you do with it? And it's like, I've never been the kind of person that just wants to chase, I don't want to get super famous, I don't want to get super rich, I want to be able to make the stuff I fucking love. And that's what this was.

Starting point is 00:10:00 It's like, I think there's some people who, we have a chance at building our own fan bases where it's like, we can make what we like. Yeah. And instead of trying to desperately get into, like, a mainstream studio system or, you know, not that I won't make a fucking, you know, so, you know, studio, once you make a movie, I'd love to do it. But instead of, like, waiting for years, like, I think, I don't know, I think a bunch of like, a generation of comics found out,

Starting point is 00:10:28 you can go through the internet, make up a fan base, and then it's like, what do you want to do with it? And for me, it's like, let me just fucking do, make a fucking movie. Like the way no one, it's stupid that I get to like, sell out theaters, it's stupid I get to make movies, but that's what I want to fucking do. And instead of just being broke and trying to be an actor

Starting point is 00:10:50 and all this other shit, it was like, I know at least some people will see it. My fans will see it, hopefully some of your fans will see it. That's the cool thing about building a network where it's like you just hit up your friends. It's like, I got on NPR because the lady liked my movie, a lady on the weekend thing liked my movie, but it's like, we don't even have a mainstream way

Starting point is 00:11:08 to put it out there. So I don't know, man, I just think it's cool and it would be sick if people just started doing that shit. If you started doing whatever you're passionate about because you have this fan base and you've built your own thing and tires is like that. That was really inspiring. That was the best thing.

Starting point is 00:11:22 Yeah, that was something amazing about tires. It was like, you heard jokes on there for the first time. There was jokes about everybody. And it was just normal stuff you would probably hear at a very alarming rubber shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bad tire shop. You know, you're like, God, this place.

Starting point is 00:11:39 Exactly. And it's like, no one's saying that that's the only comedy that has to exist. You know what I mean? I want to see shit from everybody, but it's like, go make your own shit. Everybody gets to make their own shit. So that's why my version of that is just like a goofy ass. Let's start a cult.

Starting point is 00:11:54 Let's start a cult. And it's on VOD. You can rent it, rent it or buy it right now. Right now. By the time this is out, it'll be you can go rent it. You can go buy it. Right now they can get it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:03 And it's like, and it's like, it's a VOD. Like, what is that? So I know it means video on the web. Where? Like, what does that mean? Apple, Amazon, be, you can go rent it. You can go buy it. Yeah. And it's like, and it's like, it's a VOD. Like what is that? So I know it means video on the main, but where, like, what does it mean? Apple, Amazon, just wherever you rent. You can go to Amazon. Yeah. Put in, let's start a cult and you can watch a movie. Exactly. And now what's that price point? How do y'all figure that out? I don't actually know, but hopefully low. I'm trying to get it out there. I'm sure I was, I'm trying to get there. What do you mean low? You talking 9.99? Yeah. Probably maybe lower even than that. Well, that's yeah. I just want people to see it. Yeah. you mean low? Are you talking 999? Yeah, probably maybe lower even than that. Well, that's yeah, I just want people to see it.

Starting point is 00:12:27 Yeah, but you don't want. Yeah, I get that. But you're right. I think probably 999. If somebody's like, I can get this, I can get some McNuggets. It's not that they're going to debate between the two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then they're kind of like, hey, I want both for 1499.

Starting point is 00:12:41 Right. Maybe we should talk to McDonald's. We could do a tie in. Yeah. Right. Maybe we should talk to McDonald's. Maybe we should do a tie-in. Yeah. Remember those glass cups for Batman? You remember those, dude? Those were sick. Uh-uh.

Starting point is 00:12:51 Oh, Batman, I believe Batman Forever, which was not a good movie. It was like the Jim Carrey. Oh, I forgot that he was Batman. No, no, he was the Riddler. Oh, he was the Riddler? Yeah, yeah. They had those glass cups.

Starting point is 00:13:03 Oh, wait, what the? Those, yes. Oh, yeah. You remember those, dude? Oh, yeah. They had those glass cups. Oh, wait, with the... Those, yes. Oh, yeah. You remember those, dude? Oh, yeah. I had the fuck out of those. The two-faced ones. But one loser shattered one of those in the fucking ball pit.

Starting point is 00:13:13 Mm-hmm. And ruined it, you know. Yeah. People were dealing with that. Yeah, that one. That one's an iconic one, the Tommy Lee Jones one. That movie was fucking awesome. And the one after with Mr. Freeze was even more awesome.

Starting point is 00:13:26 They had Joel Schumacher, who was just like the gayest guy of all time. He's the man, he's a great director, but he made it fun as shit. Like those movies sucked coming off the Tim Burton Batmans because they were like, went from dark and like moody and kind of cool and comic booky to like truly the campiest.

Starting point is 00:13:42 It was like essentially Batman going to like drag brunch. Yeah. And then like people weren't ready for that now, but throw those on now. You'll have a great time. Oh, it's okay. You'll be like, wow, this is so over the top, but it's fun. Do you know what I mean? Like they got jacked guys.

Starting point is 00:13:56 They got sexy ladies just parading around. It's, it's very fun. Alicia Silverstone's Batwoman, Batgirl. Oh, I remember. She's looking pretty good. Alicia Silverstone's Batwoman Batgirl. Oh, I remember her. She's looking pretty good. When did this happen?

Starting point is 00:14:06 Because I saw the one with Hugh Ledger. Heath Ledger? Heath Ledger. And then I saw the one where it was like the two old guys in the cave running around, you know? Remember that one? I don't remember that one. Batman and Robin.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Batman versus Superman? Were they like in rock or something? Batman and Robin. Yeah, can you bring that up? Oh, you mean like in rock or something? Batman and Robin. Yeah, can you bring that up? Oh, you mean like the old ass ones? Yeah, the one where they're like running around in the same cave over and over again? With Adam West? Yeah, and one of the guys...

Starting point is 00:14:34 Oh, there you go, yeah. And one of the guys is like, I'm Batman. And the other guy is like, I'm just here, you know? I'm here for the party. That guy... Well, they were actually part... Adam West was absolutely getting pussy in this era. He was like, he's like notorious for fucking and sucking. Really?

Starting point is 00:14:53 In this time. Yeah. And I believe. With men too? I don't think men. Well, I don't know. Is that long pussy? Yeah. Is that what man ass is?

Starting point is 00:15:01 Is that this long pussy? I think they call it that. I mean, cause dude, if you look at it, they were, you know, when man asses long. I think they call it that because, dude, if you look at it, they, you know, wiener wiener is just long. But you mean the dick is long. Like an inverted. OK, I thought you were the ass.

Starting point is 00:15:17 Oh, yeah. A wiener is just like a push. It's reaching for something. Look at this guy. Now, this just looks like any, this looks like. It's awesome. He refused to shave his mustache, so they just painted it over.

Starting point is 00:15:32 This is how little they gave a fuck about the Batman TV show. The guy was like, I'm not shaving my mustache. And they're like, we don't give a fuck, man. He's like, I gotta play tennis tomorrow. Not shaving his fucking thing. But Burgess Meredith, who played the Penguin in this and also played Mickey and Rocky,

Starting point is 00:15:50 I believe him and Adam West were absolute coos hounds. They were just fucking so much in these times. And by that, I mean, I saw one TikTok about it. And I love to think of that. Well, they didn't have condoms at this time, did they? I don't believe so. When did condoms really start to- No, they probably had them,

Starting point is 00:16:09 but they weren't using them. You think? There was like a luxury good. It was like a fancy thing. They probably had like, I bet you cavemen were like putting their dick in like sheep's intestines not to have children at a certain point.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Oh, just to get it out of their system. I think they just figured out condoms pretty quick. Like condoms have been used for centuries, but became more popular at different times for different reasons. 18th century condoms became more well known and the market grew despite opposition. Opposition to condoms. That was the first time the church was like, this is unnatural. We say I absolutely. The church was against them. I promise you the church against like, this is unnatural. Absolutely. The church was against him.

Starting point is 00:16:46 I promise you the church against him because they got a nut. The whole point of life is procreation. Right. So for them. And Mother Nature was probably against it. Nature has to be because nature wants things to have sex. Sure. Right.

Starting point is 00:17:00 That's what nature needs that. Yeah. So I wonder if nature put that in the minds of people. Like we can't stop it. Yes. You mean like Mother Nature planted that thought into your head. Or she's not going to let that not... Like that's her only goal.

Starting point is 00:17:14 Right. It's to smash and party. But is it people though? Because people were doing her harm. Maybe Mother Nature wanted condoms so rabbits and plants and shit could fuck and bring back, you know, the eco, because we're fucking polluting, especially if it's the 18th century. Mother Nature probably, she, the industrial revolution happens, we start polluting shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:36 She's like, these motherfuckers are no good. Yeah, we got to get them out of here. We got to get them nutting inside of plastic bags inside of pussies, instead of free and clear. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, it started to become sort of this, um... Oh, look at this. It was like blue blockers for pussies, kind of, or for sex, you know? 19th century.

Starting point is 00:17:57 Oh, wait, go on. What were you going to say? Despite opposition, they were sold in pubs, theaters, and barbershops. When the line up's so crispy, you know, you're going to get pussy. Like now this that's it. That's a good marketing ploy. It is. You're going to need one of these pal.

Starting point is 00:18:14 I lined you up so nice. Yeah. Good day, sir. And then you get a bad cut and the guy's like, ah, you're not going to we'll save it. We have eight for the whole city. And by the way, wash it out and and tie it back up when you're done. These things are expensive.

Starting point is 00:18:31 I know. You see them on the clothesline. Those are the days. Don't nut in it too much. Hey, come on over. I stole my neighbor's condom, man. Yeah, we'll go half on a condom with your boy. Tonight, Judy.

Starting point is 00:18:46 I'll be like, dude, jack off before you fuck. I don't want the first night of the day going in this thing. We need the second. The weaker one goes in this one. We got to keep the foundation intact on this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This thing can handle about seven PSI. It's not rated for the first none of the day loads.

Starting point is 00:19:09 It's not rated for that. That's crazy. And then 19th century, it says rubber condoms became popular. However, condom use was mainly limited to the upper class due to a lack of sexual education. Yep. And the working class is, wow. That makes sense.

Starting point is 00:19:24 Oh, for sure. These people can barely, you know, if this guy's making shoes all day. Yeah, he's cobbling. Yeah, he's cobbling. Or would cobbling be like a hierarchy job, you think? Oh, you mean they're in the shoe factory. The cobbler is kind of a bespoke.

Starting point is 00:19:42 Yes, artisan. You're right. Yeah, yeah. He's probably somewhere in between the two. 19th century, so we're talking the 1800s. You still got both, you still got comblers and shoe factory workers. They wouldn't let them have condoms?

Starting point is 00:19:54 It's a little bit of both, I would say, where it's like the education keeps them not understanding how useful it is. So the working class has kids, working class women have to have kids earlier, they're trapped, they don't get to fucking, you know. I mean, it's a classic thing, the working class women have to have kids earlier, they're trapped, they don't get to fucking, you know, I mean, it's a classic thing, the working class always gets tricked in this fucking,

Starting point is 00:20:10 in all of human history, while the fucking, the barons fucking suck, you know what I mean? They're on their fucking couches, they're on the chaise lounges. Yes, slurping. The factory workers, they don't know any better. But then they're just letting them have sex and make more factory workers, they don't know any better. But then they're just letting them have sex and make more factory workers, which seems bizarre.

Starting point is 00:20:27 Well, that's good for, again, the upper classes. They want disposable working class people in shitty living conditions. What do they care? Right, and so if people have more kids, it keeps them in poverty because then they have to spend to take care of the children. Yep, and they get more workers, and then wages go lower.

Starting point is 00:20:43 Right. So, you know. Keep them going. Keep condoms just for the rich. Yeah. Condoms in 1950s and 1960s, condoms became a popular birth control method with 42% of Americans of reproductive age

Starting point is 00:20:55 using them for birth control between 1955 and 65. So that's about when we're, to bring it full circle, that's when Batman, I believe the first Batman was shot, so they probably mixed it up. They probably had condoms, but those guys look like raw doggers to me. Those guys. I think Adam West, can we do a little research

Starting point is 00:21:13 on Adam West's sexual history? I think Adam West and Burgess Meredith, they're old school guys. They're not putting on condoms unless absolutely necessary. What do you say? Well, look at this, Adam West. His stories of romantic conquests, including the infamous night with eight women. Wow.

Starting point is 00:21:32 Yeah, this man's... Part of lore surrounding his life and career. While some might view West's candid revelations with a mixture of astonishment and disbelief, they also offer a glimpse into the complexities of living under the spotlight. Yeah. Yeah, wow. Sounds baffling. Real tough. Got the fucking suck the spotlight. Yeah. Oh wow. Sounds baffling. Real tough.

Starting point is 00:21:46 Got the fucking suck before smartphones. Yeah. Lord knows what Adam West was up to. There was no way he was fucking. Well he had that bat phone, didn't he? Sure. He used it. Hey, what's that?

Starting point is 00:21:57 He used it to get head. Mayor, give me the woman with the largest tits in Gotham. ASAP. Bring her over to my trailer. You got it, Batman. He just shines that bat light just across into his neighbor's apartment. It's his fucking dick. He has a bat light, but he also has a dick light.

Starting point is 00:22:14 I don't know whether he's horny or not. Yeah. Bam! Yeah. Squish. Squish. The crazy part was when they would, like, they had to run like this or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they would go up a wall.

Starting point is 00:22:33 Yeah. They'd pretend to go up a wall, and they literally just put the camera up sideways. Yeah. It's pretty fun to watch it. Yeah, we need more stuff like that. But, you know, we just need more stuff that's entertainment. More goofy bullshit.

Starting point is 00:22:44 Yeah. And no, we did not have as much sex on the I don't yeah There are love three is there a love arc in there there, you know, I will say there is a there is a sex scene Really? There is a sex scene. It's and it was probably my favorite I wrote the movie like I said with my friends and so of course you write in a sex scene, dude Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have acting class and I was like, we'd have to do scenes and stuff. And I would always bring a scene where there's like possible making out.

Starting point is 00:23:08 That's hilarious. And sometimes it would just be like two people are walking and they're in an argument and then for no reason they kiss or whatever. You wrote it. And Jigs would always be like, this is crazy. Yeah. Like, yeah it is dude.

Starting point is 00:23:20 Janet presses her tits against Mark vigorously. They're like, Theo, don't add actions please. I just think it should be clear. I think it should be clear it's a vigorous tit press. Yeah. It was, I had to... Now, you had a sex scene. Wow, first one you've ever done? Like in a film or something? Yeah, yeah, I had to, I had to. Now, you had a sex scene. Wow, first one you've ever done?

Starting point is 00:23:46 Like in a film or something? Yeah, yeah, I think it was. You mean with that hide in your phone on a cabinet across the room? Well, that would be like, oh yeah, I don't know why that teddy bear is blinking red. That's weird. I'm going to go turn it off. And then you just put a fucking piece of black masking tape over it. I'm gonna go turn it off. And then you just put a fucking piece of black masking tape over it.

Starting point is 00:24:08 I'm trying to think, because I will... Yeah, how did you take place? Was that a nervous day? It was weird, man. So yeah, there is a sexy itch, and I don't want to spoil too much, but it's a wild one. And I will say there was an intimacy coordinator, and that's the person I felt bad for the most. Because this person's job is if you're, I have a nude scene, and so if you're nude, some lady has to put a little like, a rubber triangle around your dick and balls.

Starting point is 00:24:35 Really? Like one of those bibs you get at a crab joint? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has a lobster with a fork and a knife in its claws, printed on it. It is honestly not that far off from that though. It is just like a plastic thong essentially. No. And so you're naked that day?

Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah, perhaps I am. Wow. Perhaps I am. I'm so nervous. Yeah, I mean it sucked and it's like, you know. And the person's naked, the woman? I will divulge who, I'll just say I'm naked. Okay. You know, that's, you know. And the person's naked, the woman? I won't divulge who, I'll just say I'm naked. Okay.

Starting point is 00:25:07 You know, that's, you know, and so I'm definitely nude and one, and a woman has to tape, literally tape my dick and balls into this fucking thing. Cause you want to look naked, but you don't want if, you know, you don't want people to have to look at my dick the whole day. So yeah, you want to put like a plastic sheet over it. But this woman's job, anytime that thing like slipped, she had to just like

Starting point is 00:25:29 get in there. Just this poor lady, man. Really? She had to re-tape my shit up. She's just like cutting edge with it, huh? And she's it's like the way like, you know, they would they would tape up your ankles at a high school football game. She had the same demeanor as just like a grizzled, you know, you're going to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen worse. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:50 He's a couple of M&Ms. Yeah, it was tough. But wow. No, dude, I fucking. So there's a lot of little layers in the film, huh? Yeah, there's a lot of a lot of, you know, anything again, anything for a laugh. And I wanted you might never get a chance to make a movie again. So it's like, let's fucking,

Starting point is 00:26:06 let's leave it all out there, you know what I mean? And so, and the way there is always, I love, again, I used to love when there was over the top sex scenes in those movies we're talking about. So I was like, let's put one of those. And there's some physical, other physical stuff. I had to run a lot, which is hilarious. I didn't think about it, yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:22 Any acrobatics or anything for you? I wish, next time, dude. Next time I didn't think about it. Yeah. Any acrobatics or anything for you? I wish next time, dude. Next time I'm going to fucking spend a year learning how to do a backflip. Or the cartwheel that never stops. Yeah, that would be sick. That Greek cartwheel. That would be awesome.

Starting point is 00:26:36 Just fucking rattle that bitch. Just eliminate the Albanians with it. I would love that. Yeah. That's just a joke, Albanians. Let's not get into it. That's just a joke, Albanian. That's just a joke. Albanian.

Starting point is 00:26:46 That's just a joke. Yeah. One of my dear friends. That's the classic racist thing to say. My best friend is Albanian, which is actually true in my case, but it's like the classic. And what was the budget of the film? What does it cost? It was 750K.

Starting point is 00:27:02 Wow. Yeah. What was the cost of that? It was 750K. Wow. Yeah, so it started at like 200K. And we did it with, I want to say, Dark Sky Films, it's a smaller production company. They've done a lot of cool shit, a lot of cool horror movies and stuff, but lower budget stuff. And they were just fucking awesome to work with.

Starting point is 00:27:20 They just saw a short that we did, and they thought we were gonna write like a one location because the short takes place in one place. But we were like, if you're gonna let us make a movie, we're gonna fuck it. There's gonna be wild shit in it. And so we pretty much pushed it to the amount because it's such a weird,

Starting point is 00:27:36 you also learn so much about this kind of shit where it's like, if you go over- What'd you learn? What was the number one thing you learned? You're like- Well, I mean- I'll interrupt you, If you go over what? No, no, like one of the things I learned is that like you can't really go over a certain budget because then everything becomes more expensive and you have to like you have to get like more just like for, you know, union reasons.

Starting point is 00:27:56 You have to get more people involved. It becomes like a harder job. Whereas like the lower budget you make a movie, they kind of allow you to like, a lot of people can do different jobs. You can, you know, obviously you have to follow certain rules and you can't overwork people. But there was basically like a limit where they're like, look, if you spend any more than this, we have to pay all the actors more. We have to pay everybody else more. And, you know, we pretty much lost. I mean, I lost money. So you put some of your money in.

Starting point is 00:28:21 No, but like just not work. I took, I like canceled dates. I like, you know what I mean? And it was like- Your time cost. Totally, totally. And like, and I'll probably lose money just like traveling to promote it and stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:28:32 But again, who gives a fuck? It's about making cool shit. And it's like, I'm not starting for money. And so, but yeah, you just learn a bunch of, you know, and you also think like, you think a movie is going to be like this fucking actor is fucking talking about each scene and shit like that. And they're like, dude, we have fucking 12 minutes to get this. And, oh, it's actually the most crucial scene in the movie.

Starting point is 00:28:55 Well, good luck. And this dog has to be asleep in a half hour. And you're like, what? We're putting the dog down. Yeah. We're putting the dog down unless you nail this scene. I'm like, huh? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:06 Yeah, it's just cheaper to put him down. Union rules. I don't know, bro. Either nail the scene or the fucking shit suit gets it. Oh, I didn't want to kill a dog. And you shouldn't have fucked with the team. You know, you're not. You think you'd be able to make your money back?

Starting point is 00:29:23 I think so. We did pretty well. You know, we didn't do crazy. We had a release in theaters just because I just think it's important to see. Yeah, no, I think this is, that's what's amazing about it. It's this, you know, like we had Kevin Smith on and he's done this, you know, but now it's certainly that there are creators that have their own world and they want to make a film sometimes. You know, like me and Spade wrote a movie and we have a chance to do it, right?

Starting point is 00:29:48 And so we're finally gonna do it. It just took forever to get it together and like nobody in Hollywood wants to finance or anything, but it's cool to see people just making their own stuff. And so that's why I called you even last week and I was like, hey, tell me about this. I just wanna know, because it's just brave. You're trying something. Thanks, man, yeah. And it's, and it's, yeah, tell me about this. I just want to know, because it's just brave. You're trying something.

Starting point is 00:30:05 Thanks, man. Yeah. And it's what you want to do. Nobody can kind of tell you what's supposed to be on the script. The only limitation was budget. And for me, I think that's so much cooler. And you get to actually be an artist about it,

Starting point is 00:30:18 not to fucking suck my own dick. It's a movie about a fat guy. And you see my nuts in it. It's not like I'm fucking again. We're not making. Both your nuts in the movie. I will also mention this. They didn't let me show my real nuts, which is a big problem for me.

Starting point is 00:30:32 Well, how much is the nuts looked little and I have pretty nice nuts. Foundation. I have a nice foundation. Truly the dick, the dick is more of an ornamental piece. Yeah. It's like the little star at the top. The dick is the nose, the top. The dick is the nose. The nuts are the lungs. Absolutely. They go deep. They go deep. They go deep and they're full.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Yeah. Deep breath, let's just say. Lungs of the heaven. Yeah. I got Michael Phelps's lungs. Nice capacity on those lungs. Nose, not so much. Cute little button nose. Michael, yeah. Michael, yeah, dude. Poor Vane. Yeah, it's nothing a snowman would love. No, it's not a Michael Imperiali nose. It's very... It's almost like a burn victim nose. Yeah, right, right, right, right.

Starting point is 00:31:18 Again, yeah. Shaved off. They've made it out of a little ankle bone. They took a little ankle bone and they're like, we'll do our best. You've made it out of a little way, an ankle bone. Yeah. It's kind of a Voldemort situation. Cold and wet. Yeah. I mean, I guess this kind of... It stays up all night. It stays up all night. Yeah, yeah. It'll bother you. It'll bother you all night. It'll fucking...

Starting point is 00:31:53 It'll fucking bat your eyes out of your face while you're resting. It'll keep nudging you until you give it a little attention. It'll bait a jingle belt of death on your Christmas tree. Wow. But yeah, but I didn't get to show my real nuts, which is a prop. But again, these are the artistic sacrifices we have to make sometimes. Yeah, both. No one prop 24, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:32:16 Yeah, but that is crazy. And there's Michael Phelps has small nuts. You cannot nut to the- I bet you he's got a nice pair. He's a large guy. He's a huge guy though. Nuts to the fucking Nah, I bet you he's got a nice pair. He's a large guy. For a swimmer? He's a huge guy though. Nuts of the fucking... They'd show... Okay.

Starting point is 00:32:29 Are you going to have big back tires on a fucking swimmer? I think he's got a nice pair, dude. No, he doesn't. Look at this. No, I will not. I bet you he's tucked them underneath his ass. You have to almost tie them in your ass or something. There is.

Starting point is 00:32:41 Okay. There is an image, I believe. They tried like... Wow, look at that. He's fucking jacked, he's probably got a, I mean, he's a big dude, he's got a nice pair. Now, I would say probably, you know, size to size, pound for pound, I think I have pretty nice nuts. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:57 And not weight, I'm talking about frame. Okay, yeah. We're not gonna go, we're talking about what my body should be on the, because nuts, that's a big disadvantage for the fat man. Titties get bigger the fatter you get. Dick and balls stay the same size. Is that true? Absolutely. Dick, um, my dick got plumper the fatter I got. That's so beautiful. This time of year.

Starting point is 00:33:16 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The leaves change. The nuts are getting plumper. Every helping of squash, your fucking dick gets a little bigger. No, if you think how bigger the fatter you are, I would be 800 pounds. You would have like feeders trying to get dicks as big as possible. Which doesn't happen. So, um. Yeah, I think you want those smaller nuts. You want less drag if you're a swimmer.

Starting point is 00:33:43 That's not a good thing. You want those Roy Jones juniors. You know, dude, why don't they have Roy Jones, Jr. Mints? That's a great idea. Roy Jones, Jr. Mints. I'm not kidding anymore.

Starting point is 00:33:53 Yep. They'll knock out bad breath. Yeah. Done and done, dude. Yeah. Something chocolatey that knocks out bad breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

Starting point is 00:34:01 Just a hint of chocolate. Well, so that movie is out now. People can go check it out. Yeah, please go see it. Congratulations, man. Thank you, dude. And yeah, I think it's cool to support. It's obviously my movie.

Starting point is 00:34:13 I believe in it a lot, but it's like, anytime creative people that you like make shit outside of a system, I think it's kind of important to go support that shit. Yeah, well, it's kind of like a new realm, you know, and also some movies that are billion dollar movies are horrible. There was one Ryan Gosling with and my mom and I went and saw. It was horrible. Yeah, I went and saw something the other night. It was a chance in time or something. Can you look it up for me? We live in time.

Starting point is 00:34:44 There you go. Well, here's what I don't know. Is that bad? That looks, I like those actors. It was sweet. It was cute. But every shot was so close on their faces. After a while you're like, where's all the money they spent on set? You can't even see the set. So what starts to happen for me, I notice in movies is they shoot things so tight nowadays, Right? Like it's just this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And your brain, there's no, like your imagination, if there's more going on, your imagination has to process things on the screen. Right? So your imagination is interested in what's going on. But if there's nothing to even really think about, it's so dumb down,

Starting point is 00:35:22 everything is this tight. You're not, you're just kind of like, you just start to lose interest because I think there's a part of you that's not working, you know? It's like when they shoot comedies now, it's like they shoot everything so tight and it's just about, you don't see people's body language stuff. They just, I feel like they miss out on a lot of things just because they think we need it to be so simple. Yeah. Well, I think that is another thing that I learned about movies, well I think that is another thing that I learned about movies which I didn't think about at all,

Starting point is 00:35:47 is that it is such a visual, you think it's about the writing, you think it's about your jokes, and especially being a comic, you're like, it's all about the writing, it's all about the jokes. And you don't think about like, it's a visual medium, it's like a bunch of interesting pictures strung together.

Starting point is 00:36:01 Ultimately is what it is, and it was interesting to like, talk to our cinematographer and a scene that I thought was like pretty straightforward, just two people talking, kind of where you're describing just faces. He's like, nah, let's fucking play it. Why don't you guys lean on the car?

Starting point is 00:36:15 Why don't we make it a little more interesting? And like, that was a fucking sick part of it to like, yeah, cause you don't think about that. I just think about the jokes and I just think about my words getting laughs. And then it's cool to watch a movie and be like, oh, you just do something with your face and that's a laugh. And you just fucking, you run funny and that's a laugh.

Starting point is 00:36:32 You know what I mean? And it's like, that was a cool thing. Again, I love comedy so much and I'm just trying to figure out every way to be funny. And I think like, yeah, what you're saying of like making it interesting, having the visuals being really interesting, that's a huge, a huge, again, it's a cool learning experience.

Starting point is 00:36:49 And that's what I, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like, that's the nice thing about, about like learning new shit is just how can we be funny? And like the time I felt the most engaged in my life was like when I was an open micer learning how to do comedy. And it's cool to get the chance to make a movie and like feel like, I don't know, dick,

Starting point is 00:37:10 I'm a fucking dumb as shit. Like, let's figure out how to make all this stuff. I'm a recovering Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh no, I'm fucking, I'll never kick that. I had fucking, I had a yudo yesterday, bro. I had such a kick yesterday, dude. I'll tzatziki yesterday, dude. I'll never. Sorry, man.

Starting point is 00:37:26 I thought you had some time under your belt. No, no, no, no. You know, I've sometimes I put on them nighttime underpants. You know what I'm talking about? Because who sleeps naked, baby? A criminal, that's who. Not I. Tommy Johns. That's what I'm wearing. I like Tommy Johns.

Starting point is 00:37:47 I like them, the male negliges they got for you, them underpants, because they smooth. You can feel them and they feel good. God, you can't even believe you're feeling yourself when you got them TJs on, baby, them Tommy Johns. God, they feel so good. I want them on right now. I'll put them all over myself. What I love about them is the waistband

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Starting point is 00:40:13 And we thank BlueChu for sponsoring the podcast. Let's, you also, you have an annual calendar due, which is pretty crazy. And is that coming out soon? It is. That's out now, yeah, that's out now. Yeah, it's the 2025. Yeah, it's the 2025. Oh, it's already out.

Starting point is 00:40:26 You can already buy it, the 2025. Look at the calf on the sky. You like that, dude? Look at the- It's popping. Kettlebell you're hiding there. It's popping, brother. Wow, you got that Rogan head down there.

Starting point is 00:40:37 Nuts and calves, that's all I got. Oh. Fat nuts and calves. And you know. Oh. You know. And is this real? Yeah, I'm on fucking Mount Everest right there. That's me. fat nuts and calves and you know. Oh, you know. And is this real?

Starting point is 00:40:45 Yeah, I'm on fucking Mount Everest right there. That's me. That's some beautiful. Some of it's real. Some of it is the work of my brilliant producer, Benjamin Buttcheeks, Benny Buttcheeks, Ben O'Brien, who also directed my special. He helps me with the calendar as well.

Starting point is 00:41:01 That's Squirtember, of course. The get heads be's you right there. Wow. Now, if you zoom in on those, there's a lot of fun. A lot of funding to see, right? The set, right? It adds to it. Moby-Cock. Do you... Less jizzerebles.

Starting point is 00:41:20 Oh, the different books on the bookshelf. Yeah. A lot of Easter eggs in here. A lot of Easter eggs. A lot of Easter eggs. And then we have Halloween right there. Oh, yeah. And this is very Chelsea Lynn.

Starting point is 00:41:32 She has a calendar as well. Yes, I saw that she had that. I've been doing a nude. This was the first thing that was successful in my career. Before I had anything going on, I sold a nude calendar when I was like, basically a feature, I was hoping for Bobby Kelly, and dude, this was the first thing that ever made me money. I've been doing a calendar for legitimately,

Starting point is 00:41:53 probably, I think nine years. Really? Yeah. Okay, so you were doing it before Chelsea Lane. I used to print them myself, I used to sell them out of my fucking Honda Civic, and now it's like, and now it makes a shit ton of money, but I would make like a couple like back in the day, I would make a couple thousand bucks.

Starting point is 00:42:07 And I was like, I'm fucking rich, dude. And the headliner starts to hate you. He tells you that was always a thing. The headliner and the feature selling stuff. Well, that's why I mean, Bobby was the man and he knew me and I was like, then he was cool with it. And I also would just like, I would just fucking sell it on Instagram and like mail it personally to people.

Starting point is 00:42:25 Like I had no, I had just like sell it out of the back of my fucking trunk. Like I would be headlining shitty little fucking, you know, like a restaurant in Frederick, Maryland. I would just be 12 Polaroids of your cock or whatever. And you just wrote a different month on each one. You're like, but if you only had 11 Polaroids, you're just like January, February, spring.

Starting point is 00:42:48 June, July, August. Do you ever audition other men to be in it? Cause I was wondering if there should be more, I mean, you do a great job, right? But would there ever be the possibility to creating something around the idea of getting other men in there? Interesting. A diversity of body types. Yeah. I don't know. I've never considered. I did think at one point to get to make it like a collaborative calendar where every month there's like a

Starting point is 00:43:18 guest that's a different type of person, you know, like maybe men, maybe women, some non-binary motherfuckers, just some different body types. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get them all. Barbecue lovers, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some centaurs, some, uh, yeah, short legs, yeah, yeah, long life. That is true. The taller you are, the quicker you die. Is it? That's what I'm saying. Short people live longer. Enjoy all that pussy six six guys. Yeah. You get it. Nice dude. Now I'm not going to go into the obesity metrics right now. We're just going to keep it. We're just going to keep it just on height. I'm going to take my wins where I can get them, brother.

Starting point is 00:44:09 About me, dude. Some people say fed. Some people say foundational. A good foundation. Yeah. Not going to be over in the wind. It would be cool if you got guys on there. Just get like, you can get a lot of union workers. Sure.

Starting point is 00:44:23 I'd love to get, yeah, you're right. I should get lay them down, put some grapes on to get. Yeah, you're right. I should get. Lay them down. Yeah. Grapes on their chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Do grateful and that'll fucking that'll Greek out any union worker. Sure. I think they're close. I think you show them a little, you know, any of the most hard edged union worker, you show them a little bit of the forbidden fruit of what it can be like to be a fat, you know, just, they would trade in a heartbeat.

Starting point is 00:44:46 You know what I mean? Oh, some Rubenesque cement worker. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely, that's what we should figure out here. We should set up a situation where it's like, look, we got DMs coming in. We're not going to be able to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us.

Starting point is 00:44:59 We don't want to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us, right? What do you mean, what are you saying? I'm saying both of us, I feel like, have, I'm sure your DMs, I don't check my fuck everybody wants to fuck us, right? What do you mean? What are you saying? I'm saying both of us, I feel like have, I'm sure you're, I don't check my DMs too much. Oh, you have DMs coming in, I'm saying. I'm saying, Oh, you say there's women you can date. young ladies that want to, you know,

Starting point is 00:45:14 are attracted to a style of guy. Older ladies. Older ladies across the board. We're not going to fuck all of them. We should be able to find, in my case, Rubenesque, you know, union workers. In your case, Rubenesque, you know, union workers. In your case, I don't, you know, I don't know exactly, no guys that run rehabs or, you know, like guys that run rehabs or, I don't know exactly.

Starting point is 00:45:33 I've been offered a couple free 30 day stays, I'll tell you that. But you know, little mullet guys, you know what I mean? Theo style gentlemen. Yeah. Neighbors of farmers. Neighbors of farmers. Neighbors of farmers. Yeah. They don't do any, any farming themselves, but they got the same zip code.

Starting point is 00:45:51 They got farmland zip code, but they don't own a tractor. Oh, but they'll sit on their porch and look at the other guy's place and be like, Oh, look at these soil fa*****s over there. You know? So yeah, there's. You should be able to, to hand them off some of the DMs. That's all I'm saying. I think that would be a nice thing to do.

Starting point is 00:46:10 Yeah, yeah, like donate a DM to someone. Donate a DM, almost like create love connections, you know? Ooh, I would love to see a dating site if you would put one together. I'd love to do that. I'd love to host a dating show, actually. That would be awesome. You'd be so good at it.

Starting point is 00:46:24 That would be awesome. That could be maybe your next movie. You host a dating show and. That would be awesome. You'd be so good at it. That would be awesome. That could be maybe your next movie, you host a dating show and then you find love somehow. I love that, little romantic comedy. Yeah, I remember you saying one time about like, one of the reasons that you got into comedy was for dating, right? A lot of guys say.

Starting point is 00:46:35 Surely, without question. Okay. And I think maybe- And is that still a good reason? Do you feel like, what's that evolved like a little bit? You know, or to get laid, like does that work? You know, and what's the dangers also of having sex in some places, some regions of the country?

Starting point is 00:46:49 The regional dangers of coitus? Yeah, I'm just saying, if you're ever in the bus belt, you know? Well, you can't let it fly like Adam West used to. I'm definitely using condoms, I'll put it that way. I guess the dangers of the bus, you don't want to get stuck in the bus belt. You can have a nice visit, but you don't want to be a father that has to check in court ordered once a month at the bus belt. That's the biggest danger. Especially if it's a layover to get to your child. How many children lose out on a father

Starting point is 00:47:21 because there's a layover? Right. because JetBlue doesn't want to fucking fly direct to Akron. Oh dude, and we just used Akron in a joke last week. It's crazy that you did as well. We did shows the same night in Akron. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were there at the same, that's why I thought of it, that was fun as shit. It was fun.

Starting point is 00:47:39 But yeah, what are the side effects now as you see that? You've been out in the world over there, you know, glazing, glazing, you know, different, um, literal glazing, not the metaphorical like sort of pumping somebody up. You mean actually glazing? Yeah. Just, uh, yeah. Or, you know, uh, whatever they call it, you know, filling the man, you know, doing the manicotti or whatever. Yeah, filling the manicotti up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Filling up the manicotti.

Starting point is 00:48:08 Yeah. You've been more, you know. Creaming the cannoli. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I got you, brother. But yeah. And what does it look like over time? Do you feel like? Oh, not good. Not good at all. I mean, that's something I'm facing kind of, I don't know if it's head on. I don't know if I, it's one of those things.

Starting point is 00:48:31 There's a couple of things remaining in my life that I feel like I need to conquer. And that's long-term health. Like I have, I took a lot of time off and I lost some weight this year. I lost like 45 pounds, but in the month that I've been shooting tires, promoting the movie, doing standup again, fucking I lost like 45 pounds. But in the month that I've been shooting tires, promoting the movie, doing standup again,

Starting point is 00:48:48 fucking I've gained 10 pounds. You know what I mean? Yeah, cause- Cause you look more organized, your body does. Thank you, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a mess before. It was like when you go, remember when you just, that show where they would open up random storage units.

Starting point is 00:49:01 That's kind of what my body was like. You never knew, once the shirt comes off, you don't know what you're going to get. You know what I mean? There's a little more, now you open up a storage unit, at least it's got some rusty shelves that all the stuff is in, in little boxes. Curios.

Starting point is 00:49:14 Yeah, it's a cabinet of curios. Dremel care. Yeah. There's a little something, you know. Absolutely. I've been working out and so I still am lifting weights and stuff and I feel better. I literally city biked over here from Queens.

Starting point is 00:49:27 Yeah, because you're a little wet when you got here. I'm just a guy. I had a sweat. I was fucking city biking listening to Sexy Red, you know, the Insexy We Trust. A lot of bangers on that. Nothing like listening to bad bitches when you're working out, in my experience. Because it puts me in that head space, you know? Oh, I see.

Starting point is 00:49:45 Of that like, you know, there's something a little more, there's something a little more, you know, sure. She's back! Oh, I love She's Back. Honestly, the one about the, the gentleman being outside, I don't remember which, I don't remember which one it is. It's sort of like, you know, an anthem for the gals to get ready. Maybe it's outside. Outside.

Starting point is 00:50:07 Outside, yeah. It's basically a song about, hey, gals, you know, look real hot. There's a bunch of sexy gentlemen outside. And even though I don't want to fuck the guys, I could gender flip that and be like, fellas, there's whores to be gotten. Let's fucking put on our nice shirt. Let's get out there. There's opportunity to meet these gals. There's opportunity to be gotten. Let's fucking put on our nice shirt. Let's get out there. There's opportunity to meet these gals. There's opportunity to be gotten.

Starting point is 00:50:26 Yeah, cause I'll go in the bathroom sometimes at a bar and there'll be guys in there and I'll yell like, fucking piss and get back out there. Yeah, boys. Come on. You've been shut down three times in a row. Actually, maybe go home now that I think of it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:40 You're kind of fucking the vibes up. I just thought about it for a second. Please leave. Both the ratio and the vibes are being fucked up by you. I'm more like a you pisses ass grant when I'm in there. I'll just start telling them like, get back out there. What do you mean? What do you mean you're coked up?

Starting point is 00:51:01 You're a queer slap guy. There's no way your dick works. Remember people used to slap people like that. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I really want to do that once in my life. Like the three stooges, you could be in one of the three stooges, brother. Absolutely, I would love to.

Starting point is 00:51:13 I would love to do some physical comedy, but I would also love to bring one of my friends to his senses when he's having a psychotic break with a nice, whach, get yourself together, man. That would feel awesome. Yeah, yeah, get yourself together, man. That would feel awesome. Yeah, yeah. Get yourself together, man. The markets are closed.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Yeah, yeah. And that's all it used to take. You didn't have to send someone to a fucking mental institution. No, you fucking popped him once in a public street. You slapped him when he popped him. Simpler times. Different times.

Starting point is 00:51:40 Now, did he go home and hit his wife and not deal with any of the mental issues? Probably. We can't say. We don't know. Maybe it is better again on second thought. There wasn't a lot of accurate reporting. We don't know the numbers.

Starting point is 00:51:57 Do you, what was that like taking a year? You took a year off standup. Yeah. Was it a year? It was about six months, but yeah, I didn't tour from February until I had like one date. But you still practiced or no? No, I was, I didn't, I didn't do any stand up. Um, and it was, it was fun. The thing that sucks is it was awesome. Like I felt peaceful. I didn't have to travel every fucking week. It's called being unemployed.

Starting point is 00:52:18 Yeah, it was, yeah, exactly. It felt like that. I would, I would go on long walks. I would fucking go to, I would go to like fucking the supermarket and just see what was on. It's like that. I would go on long walks. I would go to like fucking the supermarket and just see what was on. It's like, what's on special today? I had like I've never heard somebody say I go on long walks through the supermarket. To the supermarket. Oh, to the supermarket. Not through. No, no, no. I'm pulling up to a fucking Safeway and hitting, I'm hitting all the aisles at the grocery store. It's like, Oh, what do you mean? There's not a mile marker by the Graham crackers.

Starting point is 00:52:49 The way they have old people walk through malls. They have fat people walk through grocery stores. Like these are your favorite things. Little buddy. You pass the ice cream eight times. You get, you get a lick, you get up, you get a fucking thing, a whole halo top. Um, no, I would, I would fucking walk by the water. I was in Baltimore.

Starting point is 00:53:07 I would take long ass walks. I would buy like one piece of meat, grill it up, eat it with some veggies. It was a beautiful, beautiful, simple life. But I also love, that's the other thing is like, and then I did stand up, I was like, damn, this is awesome. But I think the lesson is to not do three things at once.

Starting point is 00:53:25 It's a lot. So I think like next year when I tour, I'm not doing anything else. Like right now I made the mistake of going from nothing to tires, the movie coming out, stand up, back to my podcast. I'm also, I have a tour that I'm announcing. I think actually probably if it comes out next week,

Starting point is 00:53:42 it'll be then, but the dream boat tour, I'm doing a big all across like on the water. I know that would be fucking sick. I should have done that. I should have chartered a sailboat, but no, it's more of a metaphor metaphorically, the dream boat tour fucking chartering a sailboat to go to your shows. That would be like, he's on the horn. The horn of Africa, the horn of yeah, he got caught. The gales of November came early and caught him.

Starting point is 00:54:15 He's marooned off Vancouver Island. Off the Seychelles. Yeah, he only sold 40 tickets near the Suez Canal. He's still gotta go. He's still gotta go. He's still gotta go. Are the Greeks the blacks of, are, some people say, some people say that the Greeks

Starting point is 00:54:38 are the blacks of Europe. Who are these people exactly? Bring up someone, bring up. Just Google. No, people say that all the time. I'm serious, man. You'll be wandering past an olive shop and you'll hear the door will open and you'll hear somebody yell. Are you talking about your internal monologue CEO? Are you talking about every time you see a Greek person? That's what you think? I'm just saying there is a lot of people call them black olives.

Starting point is 00:55:18 Okay, that's all I'm saying. There's a lot of conversation about black olives out there. Sure, sure. Hey, I'll take that with pride. Black people are the cool, they're the culture drivers of America without question. In some ways, I guess that's, you know, maybe ancient Greece, what's democracy if not the original hip hop? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:37 You know what I mean? How everything filtered out from that. Kind of, you know, the same way. Love it when you call me Big Socrates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same way music's been taking from black people forever, everyone's kind of been taking our shit between philosophy and democracy forever. Jazz in the A, use a Pompeii...

Starting point is 00:55:53 Pompeii, I believe, was that the Roman Empire? Don't be a hater. Fuck Rome. Fuck Rome. They took our whole shit. Some people think it's in Greece. So, don't kill our Greece. That leaves in a public school system.

Starting point is 00:56:08 Cheaper gloves. Cheaper gloves. If they're from 1820. 30 countries. They mash Europe together. So no comment on that, huh? I say, I'll take that. Like I said, you know, I had a joke

Starting point is 00:56:30 on my special where if you think of it, really, I think Greeks are probably the most light skinned Arabs. It's really what we have more cultural, we're pretty similar people. You know what I mean? Like loud, kind of flashy, you know what I mean? Like, loud, kind of flashy, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:56:47 But I think people, British people loved England, or England loved ancient Greece so much that they were like, we gotta make them white, because then white people were, you know what I mean? Like, ancient Greece was white. When in reality, I think we're probably light-skinned Arabs. Very loud, you know, touchy-feely, you know what I mean? Like it's just the same vibe.

Starting point is 00:57:08 The gold jewel, you know, I'm wearing jewels. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, warm, intense people. We're not, we're less, you know, I feel like- Like grape. What's that?

Starting point is 00:57:19 Like grapes. Grapes is a very Middle Eastern food, isn't it? We'll take grapes, we'll take grapes. Dates all that type of shit. Oh yeah. A date's nice. And me personally, I like that kind of, that kind of, that style of woman as well,

Starting point is 00:57:31 nice curly hair, big nose type of situation. Oh yeah. Anywhere from like, you know, you go Spain to the Middle East kind of vibe. I met a beautiful Greek girl one time in Florida. Ooh, okay. And popped a couple Weiner pills or something. This is early when the gas station's just had them.

Starting point is 00:57:45 Sure, sure, sure. You get to ask for them. What are we talking about? Stree Overlord, Rhino? This was before Rhino. Wow. This was like, I think these were Healthy Dose or something. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Or the Last Captain, I think that one was called. It was like, these were hopeful ones, you know? Love it, love it, love it, love it. And I remember I took a couple of them, dude. And then I was like trying to make out with this girl and my nose started bleeding right onto her chest, dude. Oh, what a shame. That could have been your wife, dude.

Starting point is 00:58:19 She was so cool, too. She's something about a curly haired woman, dude. I agree. I actually actually my favorite. Yeah, you know they're crazy if their hair had to come out like that. You know, like you would have been a great 17th century doctor. She's well, you can tell she's suffering from bouts of insanity. Look at her hair. Look at the wave in her hair. Look at the print out here. She's lying. Look how far apart her eyes are. That's a space for deceit.

Starting point is 00:58:51 That's the deceit zone right here. She's just holist. Let's calm down. But they look at, it's like the, you're a lie detector test or whatever. Yeah. What else is there? Wow, the boner pills, huh?

Starting point is 00:59:06 That was, was that your only? Yeah, bro, I took them most of my life because I just had so much anxiety. Oh, dude, believe me. I'm lucky that I only caught the tail end of the, of the, uh, gas station era. It was horrible. Now you can get them online pretty easily, but I also want, in the, in between one time I convinced I had an in between one time I convinced I had an old Italian doctor,

Starting point is 00:59:27 and I convinced him I had some other, I read that if you have some kind of prostate issue, you can also take Cialis to relieve that. I just kind of read it as I was doing my research. And I was like, dude, I think my fucking prostate's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my prostate's acting up. It's picking up radio stations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My prostate's acting up. It's picking up radio stations.

Starting point is 00:59:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he was like, and he had to put his finger up my ass. And he realized the prostate was fine, but then he was like, okay, I give you the couple. He knew what I wanted, which is also like,

Starting point is 01:00:00 why'd you have to put your finger up my ass? No. No. No. But I guess he just was hoping I was onto something. And then he was like, why'd you have to put your finger up my ass? But I guess he just was hoping I was onto something. And then he was like, listen, I give you this and no more. But he was like, he knew I was, I was like 20. Short fingers.

Starting point is 01:00:16 Why fingers up? Like, come on. He was fucking awesome. And he just gave me a couple of dick pills and dude, those were like, that was my holy grail. I had like a sample pack of Cialis and I fucking. Oh, so when that, yeah, when those sample Cialis and stuff hit the streets, they were breaking people's windows to get those. I went, when I first went to college, I went and lived with my buddy's dad. He had a Viagra prescription, right? He lived in a one bedroom apartment. Where the fuck were you living? In the couch?

Starting point is 01:00:46 Yeah, that's awesome. And we would take turns like sleeping on the couch or the bed, right? You and his dad? And the reason I did was because he got a Boner Pill subscriptions, right? So you could siphon a little. But he only got like eight of them and I'm like, fuck, it's so hard to steal off of this eight. Steal out of eight is a tough. Because you can kind of like, the third day you pull one,

Starting point is 01:01:09 you're like, oh he got drunk, he took two, he had no. But then you have to cut one directly in half, like well how did one just get, just take it in half? Yeah, you gotta take it in half, you gotta make that last. Oh yeah, and when he took a whole, and then, but, ugh. That's a fun, that's a fun kind of Passover parable. It was horrible. Making the one dick pill last 12 days.

Starting point is 01:01:30 Just nibbling on it just a little bit. We had one can of oil, and we made it last for 64 days or whatever. One dick pill, 100 milligram Viagra, we made it last for 12 weeks. We each took one lick of it. Me and my friend's dad. Shabbat Shalom.

Starting point is 01:01:49 How long? Yep. Shabbat Shalom. How long were you living with your friend's father? Six months, one semester at school. How were you grades that semester? Here's the great part. We had a wall, there was like a half wall that was a loft. The bedroom was a loft and there was a living room. It was a nice building. They did have a pool at the building. That was pretty cool. And I was learning to play guitar

Starting point is 01:02:14 at the time. And so I would go in there. He'd have some, every time they needed to have a chick stay over and I'd go in there and play. Love that. Teasing, teasing. The song about Eric Clapton's son dying. That's what it's about. That's the song you would play while the guy was getting pussy.

Starting point is 01:02:30 It's about his fucking son falling out of a window. What? Yeah. No way. Was his son in the military? No, he was like a little ass kid, dude. It's a tragic song. Oh, dude.

Starting point is 01:02:51 It's alive. He's alive. Yeah. So your friend's dad, who's giving you shelter, is getting pussy with one of his eight Viagras and he has to battle that Viagra's up against that old man's LED and the saddest song, one of the saddest songs of the nineties. A poor rendition, by the way, there's no way you were good at it. You're butchering it and it's sad as shit. Bink, bink.

Starting point is 01:03:20 Oh, sorry, sorry. Bink, bink, bink. Bink, bong. Oh, so my bad. Bink, bink, bink, bink, bong. Oh, so my bad. Bink, bink, bong, bink, bink. Oh. What you know might mean. Dude, but I would go in there and one time after a couple,

Starting point is 01:03:34 they would request him to come back in. Wow. You were the fucking, you were the music for them fucking. Usually post-coital that would bring me in. Post-coital. And I also then eventually played, Every Rose Has Its Thorn. I rocked that form a little bit. And I did eventually a widespread panic.

Starting point is 01:03:57 OK, nice. Yeah, that's good, man. So that was just the three songs spread. Charlie Light, yeah. Fucking rattle that. A very poor rendition. A lot of hand beating on the fucking... Sure. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:09 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Try and dress it up. You can barely play guitar.

Starting point is 01:04:17 Yeah. Nibbling on a Viagra to keep me going. Yeah. Like a mouse with a little piece of cheese. And that dude was hammering, dude. And I was having so much sexual issues and shit. And he'd be in there just fucking... I almost have Jason to send him in there.

Starting point is 01:04:25 I'd be like, just go up the hill, man. Come on, climb up his bunk bed. Climb up the top bunk. Turn around. That's a very interesting living room. It was crazy, dude. Roommate dynamic. And we had an eclipse.

Starting point is 01:04:38 His son had an eclipse because this dude was struggling. His son had an eclipse. Yeah, Mitsubishi eclipse. But it wouldn't turn off, right? You couldn't turn it off. So you had to just siphon gas. No, you just have to keep putting gas. So we keep like, hold on, hold on. It never turned off. You could, but you'd have to fuck it. It was so hard to get back on. So we would just, we'd keep like extra cans of gas at the fucking parking space. We had an underground parking space.

Starting point is 01:05:06 Yeah, that was it, but it was a green one. That's a nice car, man. I remember the eclipse. It was a green one, and it had good rims on it too. I don't know if they have that. Oh, not that green. That is very... More of a sea foam?

Starting point is 01:05:18 Yeah, I would go with that one to the right of the horizontal one, of the vertical one. Left, left, right there. Something like that. Yeah, dude. Oh yeah. Not as nice as that, but it's something like that.

Starting point is 01:05:30 But yeah, we get the idea. Yeah, but that bitch, we would keep a couple cans of gas because it got great mileage. You could fucking keep it going. I don't know how good the mileage is if you have to keep the gas just to keep it running. I would drive that bitch over the line. I went to Loyola University. I'd drive that bitch.

Starting point is 01:05:48 Loyola where? There's one in New Orleans? And since you kept it running, people didn't, you could park in a weird spot and be like, oh, the guy's just coming and going. And how long would it be there idling? Fucking two hours. I'd fucking be in class. I'd be in class, dude. But it was kind of nice right when you got to it, it got right in. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Starting point is 01:06:10 You don't have the fucking, that hassle of doing this, turning your fucking, turning your fucking forefinger one inch. But it was a flex to the lady, like damn, that guy's a chauffeur. Keep it running. Like it's him.

Starting point is 01:06:25 Yeah, yeah. It's you from the past. It's kind of like, yeah. But that's my chauffeur. That's my chauffeur. Sorry, guys, my ride's here. My ride's here. No one stole it, huh?

Starting point is 01:06:36 No. They respected the eclipse. I guess. I mean, sometimes I'll put the plasters on. I think it's like, there's a lot of reverse psychology there, you know? It's a lot of General Sherman. Hiding in plain sight. Very much of the Ongonquin. How they behaved. I love the idea. And how old was that guy at the time? Is that depressing to think about? 52. Okay.

Starting point is 01:06:58 Handsome. Pretty good at tennis. Handsome. He could wear short shorts. Love that. He's a foundational guy. Foundation, plus size guy? Mm, middle size. Middle size, mid size. Yeah. Love that. I see.

Starting point is 01:07:10 Love to drink his vodka, orange juice guy in the morning even. Morning drinker. And I guess a divorced man. Yeah. If he was hammering. I'd lived with his family before that. Before, well through the divorce?

Starting point is 01:07:22 Yeah. And then he got you in the divorce? He's like, how the fuck did I end up with my son's adult friend in the divorce? This bitch got the house. I got Theo playing fucking Tears of Heaven while I'm trying to keep a heart on. And meanwhile, you can barely hear the song

Starting point is 01:07:43 because there's a Mitsubishi eclipse. The fumes are coming up through the underground garage. You have fucking poison. You have CO2 poisoning. Oh man, dude. That's fucking awesome. That's crazy, dude. Was that your weirdest?

Starting point is 01:08:02 That was probably one of my craziest living situations. But I always lived for cheap, dude. Was that your weirdest? That was probably one of my craziest living situations. But I always lived for cheap, man. I slept in my buddy's bed for probably seven months out in Los Angeles when I first got out there. I lived in this little cupboard that was in a living room. They had like these two cupboard doors and it was like four, three feet high, four feet wide. Just the bed?

Starting point is 01:08:22 No, there was no bed in there. It was just a floor, right? But it was long and it was like probably eight feet deep So it's perfect a going to bed boom get in there like a bird And sometimes I come out right on the hour, you know But I was always sharing dude I slept on my buddy's floor for $150 in college and a sleeping bag and I fucking yelled at him Complaining about shit. Yeah, but he needed the money It's so fucking funny I did to say I

Starting point is 01:08:54 Similarly, I convinced my friends to give me a shitty room in their house in Baltimore. I live for 300 bucks Oh, yeah a month. I had a room They were just like I was literally living on the, my go-to meal was beans and eggs. On one, I would bake them and put them on one sheet. And that way I could just use the sheet as my plate. I wouldn't have to do dishes. I just, after I'm done eating the beans and eggs.

Starting point is 01:09:18 Into the washing machine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Directly into the washing machine with the condoms from the 18th century. Hang it off the fucking clothesline. Don't mind if I don't mind. No, please hang them.

Starting point is 01:09:32 Let the neighbors see that we're fully operational of it. No, no one eighth of a Viagra needed. This episode is brought to you by better help, better help. When there Better Help, when your mental health is unsure. You know what it's like, you ever been driving a car and one of the tires is shaking? Well, sometimes that kind of stuff is happening in your brain or in your emotions or in your attitude. Just notice when you got a bad wheel on your carriage, baby,

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Starting point is 01:12:01 Hooray, ZocDoc. I hate waiting for appointments, man. And I've used Zoc, man, and I've used Zoc Doc and it's helpful. So you should stop putting off your doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash THEO to find and instantly book a top That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash t-h-e-o, zocdoc dot com slash theo. What did I see in the news? Oh, I saw, did you see that Mark Wahlberg restaurant?

Starting point is 01:12:35 Wahlbergers? It burned down though, he had a new restaurant. A fancy one? Let me see. Mark Wahlberg's new restaurant in Las Vegas burns down opening day. Opening day? Wow. Mark Wahlberg's new restaurant in Las Vegas burns down opening day. Opening day? Wow.

Starting point is 01:12:45 Mark Wahlberg was excited about today because he's supposed to open up his new restaurant, Fletcha Cantina. Fletcha. It went up in flames just hours ago. Check this out. This is Town Square. And it's obviously fully involved with fire here. And we've gotten a ton of emails to the station inviting the cameras out because Mark Wahlberg was going to be there around 430. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, you can see the flames inside. They were going to get the oversized scissors out and welcome everyone in for the grand opening.

Starting point is 01:13:13 Oh no. Obviously, wow. They defrauded, dude. You think, uh, you think that's just a plate of fajitas that was sizzling too much? Yeah. You think that got a little out of control? Do we know it's not just a really of fajitas that was sizzling too much? You think that got a little out of control? Do we know it's not just a really intense fajita?

Starting point is 01:13:32 It is Fletcher Cantina after all. Go back and show that window right there. That does look yeah like and they spray this that flavor on it smoke or whatever. Like Greece we have a yeah yeah maybe a flambe. We do a soganaki, Greek people, the cheese you set on fire. Oh yeah. A lot of different stuff it could be. I don't think we should draw conclusions right away. Yeah dude that's crazy. I thought it was a burger shop he was doing. Yeah. That's wild. They're going Mexican now. Fletcha. Yeah. It doesn't sound, I got to be honest, does not sound appealing. Fletcha. Sounds too much like flesh.

Starting point is 01:14:08 Fletcha. Yeah, if you're just a regular person, like I'm going to Fletcha. Fletcha Cantina, no thanks. Yeah, it's kind of bizarre. Cantina I'm OK with. He's done some interesting things. You know, he had an alcohol, but then he said he didn't drink,

Starting point is 01:14:19 and then he came out with a tequila, which I thought was kind of wild. Interesting, interesting. What do you think that's about? I don't know. I think it was just when celebrities were coming out with tequilas. It was kind of wild. Interesting, interesting. What do you think that's about? I don't know. I think it was just when celebrities were coming out with tequilas.

Starting point is 01:14:27 It was purely a business move. Yeah, like when George Clooney came out with one. One time I was in Toronto, I'm sitting there, it's like probably 12.30 or something, A.M. and just sitting on my computer in the lobby, dude. Hoping to meet my wife or whatever. In the lobby at 12.30 on your computer. Desperate for attention.

Starting point is 01:14:44 Probably, I don't know. That's fucking awesome. I can't remember why. After a show, you're just there. I think I was doing shows, yeah. Gotcha. So I was just hanging out. Because yeah, it's funny, after shows,

Starting point is 01:14:56 you don't want to go to bars and shit. Still buzzing, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like you go to a bar, you're going to see a lot of people in the show, sometimes it can be overwhelming. Definitely. And then if I don't drink, it's hard to be there. So it's like, there's nowhere usually to go.

Starting point is 01:15:06 Sure. No, that's true. Restaurants are closed usually. So then you can go to like a gas station, sometimes ice cream or your hotel. Sure. But I'm sitting in there and I feel something on my neck right here when it's fucking Mark Wahlberg, dude. Pretending to have a gun?

Starting point is 01:15:20 Yeah. He's like, caught you slipping. You know, or however, you know. You the, the keep it on you challenge or caught lacking challenge. Yeah. Yes. You failed the car. Liking challenges. It was like, look at this fucking boondocks saying out here. Was he in that movie? He was not. Oh, damn. Well, it was not one of the joke didn't land, but he does embody the spirit of the mean, the saints. He thought he was in it.

Starting point is 01:15:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He thought he was in it. But I said that, and then he invited me the next day to his tequila opening. He was actually really nice. He had a nice group of friends, really chill. He seems nice, but it's also like that level of fame where people start to go insane in a polite way.

Starting point is 01:16:03 It doesn't seem sinister, but it's insane to wake up at 3 in the morning to work out Yeah, and play golf and like it's just crazy and like 315. Yeah go to met in 315 wake up pray for one hour I mean, I know you know, whatever this I don't know if he's yeah 230 I mean that's not a time to wake up 230 a.m. Wake up 245 a.m. Crypto prayer. Yeah 315 breakfast 340 to 515 Time to wake up. 2.30 AM wake up. 2.45 AM crypto prayer. Yeah. 3.15 breakfast, 3.40 to 5.15 workout. That's a long workout, respect. That's a lot. Post-workout meal only two hours after breakfast,

Starting point is 01:16:35 that's wild. Shower, he gets an hour and a half for shower. That can't be real, right? Hey dude, I have definitely taken some sad showers. Yeah, but that's not when you're fucking, when you're a regimented, like planning an hour and a half shower. You don't plan hour and a half showers. You're so fucked up that you take an hour and a half shower.

Starting point is 01:16:57 I've taken some of those too Theo. I'm not judging, but that's when I'm hungover as fuck. And I'm like, should I just fucking do drugs at 7 a.m.? Like that's like, you're spending 45 minutes convincing yourself not to take pills. That's what those long showers are, man. They're not thinking about the Lord and my fucking bicep curls.

Starting point is 01:17:17 I'm so high I should go in the shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe if I'm in the shower, I won't purchase a prostitute. That's what that shower, maybe if my hands are wet, I won't purchase a prostitute. That's what that shower is about. Maybe if my hands are wet, I can't fucking use my phone. So I won't fucking buy pussy and hate myself. The second I nut, that's what that shower's about. That shower's not reflecting on your 3.15 a.m. breakfast.

Starting point is 01:17:41 And look, we're cross promoting our own lives we're not talking about this is we're putting a little the personal into this riff yeah but you open a restaurant dude opening day and that thing cooks that's crazy but that you know I think I'm trying to think of anything good burnt down by us when I was growing up. Oh, any good fires? I don't know if we have any. I only have hate crimes in my neighborhood, which are not fun to talk about.

Starting point is 01:18:16 Just idiots that didn't understand that Indian people weren't, like after 9-11 some fucking idiot in Baltimore. Did an Indian person? Get fucked. Yeah, they just burnt, just a guy, a Sikh guy who wore a turban. He's like, he's Osama bin Laden, so I'm going to fucking burn down his fucking mini-mart. You're like, that's fucking, that guy's a librarian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy runs a 7-Eleven in the library in the middle of it.

Starting point is 01:18:40 Yeah, literally. He was like a fucking nice guy. I just went to a nice Indian restaurant here the other day called Bungalow. Nice. I love that. I like a nice Indian. Yeah, there it is. Oh, Vikas?

Starting point is 01:18:55 Vikas is the chef there. Vikas. Dude, he let us sit at the chef's table. They put a little table right by the kitchen. It's fancy, but it's not crazy fancy. I got to hate this guy on the podcast. It was just fascinating to eat Indian food, learn just about some of the energy

Starting point is 01:19:12 and why they have certain things. That looks awesome. I'll check it out. A ton of Indian people. And he said a lot of Indian people don't go out to dinner because a lot of them cook at home. And they always believe their cooking is better than other places.

Starting point is 01:19:24 I get that. I understand that. I mean, I do not believe that at my place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's your, the traditional, uh, yeah, yeah. A slim Jim quesadilla. That's what you grew up on and nobody can make these better than my mom. Owl meat, fried rice. A little bit of squab in there. From the holidays. Yeah, maybe a nice, maybe a nice possum rib roast. Piagons we call it.

Starting point is 01:19:57 A little bit of fucking sidewalk oysters. You know what I'm talking about? What were we just talking about? The Indian people will not go out to eat. Right. But that restaurant was really great, man. Went there. That was kind of cool.

Starting point is 01:20:11 I love that. I went, I was in England, I was in London and I had Indian food and it was so incredible. Yeah, they're there. Yeah. Well, you know, that's the one upside to the fucking the British Empire. It's like, if they brought Indian food along, if they fucked up India, the least I can do is go enjoy a nice meal Yeah as a result, you know, they're there either way. Yeah, so but it was good as fuck. It was uh, you'd be a good Indian

Starting point is 01:20:33 I think thank you I've got some Buddha qualities. I just think um, yeah, they would herald you. Well, they do respect the cow. So I have a bull kind of like a bull. Yeah, I think they would just. Yes. I've kind of like a bull. You could like an Indian sumo wrestler. I would love that. Yeah. We can start back. That could be one of your another movies. It's like you go to India to be the first Indian sumo wrestler. Put you in some semi off brownbrown face. Yeah, I don't know about that. I don't know that we're, yeah. Maybe I'll just get a nice tan.

Starting point is 01:21:07 Huh? I can get pretty crispy, dude. Can you? Greek Mediterranean blood, you know, maybe that's it. Maybe that's what happens. I get such a tan that someone mistakes me for an Indian. Signs you up. Signs me up to be the first Indian sumo wrestler.

Starting point is 01:21:22 And there we go. India's first female sumo wrestler defying odds and empowering women. Hethal Dave. Is there a name? Hethal. Shout out to Hethal. Hethal Dave's journey in sumo wrestling is not just about personal triumph. It's about rewriting what's possible for women in India. Love that. Push them around Hethal. Love interest? Yeah, I could, I could smash an Indian, an Indian sumo wrestling woman. No problem. That's love, dude. That's love. Absolutely.

Starting point is 01:21:47 I can't really tell. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to give it a hesitant yes from that picture that I would smash. I meant for the movie that she could be your last. Yeah. And I'm saying, you know, I want to do it for real. Let's see what happens. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:01 Let's see what kind of sparks fly on set. Yeah, dude. That's all it is, dude. You think of's see what kind of sparks fly on set. Yeah, dude. That's all it is, dude. You think of romance maybe is possible between you and Spade. Maybe you guys just have like a come become gay later in life. No, there's a gay.

Starting point is 01:22:15 There's, I think Tim Dillon might be in it. Okay. Small part. Or just be a part. Who you think sucks who off then? Not it. So. TBD, bro, to be David. TBD to be Dave. So we'll see what God wants out of those guys.

Starting point is 01:22:40 Love that. Yeah. Yeah, I can see Tim doing that. What about the election over there happened, man? Did people go crazy out here in New York? Did you feel any of that energy? Where was I? I just felt so glad that it's over.

Starting point is 01:22:52 I was filming. I don't know. Are you fully taping? Yeah, we were taping. We were doing tires. Doing tires, right? How exciting is that, too? Tires fucking rules, yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:00 I mean. What's it like between the second season and the first season? Is the set different? Because it's not different. Same. But we, yeah's it like between the second season and the first season? Or is the set different? Cause it sets not different. Same. But we, yeah, we're in the same spot and, um, uh, it's, I think it's going to be fucking great. I mean, the first season, I didn't even know when I agreed to do it. I thought it was going on YouTube.

Starting point is 01:23:19 Like it was like, Shane texted me, there was no like agents involved. There was nothing. He was like, hey, we're doing this thing. They didn't have scripts, we were kind of writing shit as we were going, I was supposed to have a small part, and we just had so much fun doing it, they kept adding, it was so fun, and we felt like we were just making a fun web series, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:23:36 Because I loved, Gillian Keyes was so fucking funny, their sketches were so good, and I almost was in one, and then it fell through, and so I just wanted a chance to work with those guys. So when Shane hit me up I was like, I don't need to know shit, let's just fucking do it. And it's insane that this thing that we did in, honestly dude, we did it in a few weeks and then we did like a couple days of reshoots and it was a fucking show that was top 10 on Netflix for like two weeks.

Starting point is 01:24:03 It's insane. My mom liked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, I think, I mean, we've been shooting from, I think we started in October and we end in the middle of December. And so it's, you know, much more time. They actually had a real writer's room. They went over the scripts.

Starting point is 01:24:19 We have, I don't want to, you know, I'm the least important. I don't want to give away too much, but there's like a bunch of cool actors in it. You play the brother, right? I play, I'm basically want to, you know, I'm the least important, I don't want to give away too much, but there's like a bunch of cool actors in it. You play the brother, right? I play, I'm basically like their, I'm basically like. Or the dad, the other manager? No, no, I'm the guy who's not in the family basically.

Starting point is 01:24:35 I'm the guy who's like, it's like a family tire shop, and I'm like the kind of middle manager GM, who's just kind of in the middle of it. You can't tell if I'm good at my job or not. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just kind of a pig. Again, pretty hard role. A horny idiot. It was really hard for me to get into the character.

Starting point is 01:24:54 But it's gonna be fucking good, man. I mean, and those guys are great. Is it shot on sticks or is it shot like the office? I've seen it. It's just been probably four months. Both. I mean, it depends. But it's mostly, I would say it's mostly handheld.

Starting point is 01:25:07 They have some, some, you know, steady shots, but no, it's, we have, the whole crew is fucking awesome. Oh, it's so much fun. And that girl in it is so good. Kyla crushes it. Well, that's, that's what's awesome about like, you gotta love Shane cause he legit brought his friends along in like a very Sandler way. But the second he could, like Steve Gerben, who is, he's the man, he's the lead, but it's like,

Starting point is 01:25:31 they did open mics together. You know what I mean? Like that whole crew, Kyle, the same thing, and McKeever who directs it is so fucking good. He's such a great director. Shane's a great actor and it's awesome. It's just great to see that kind of shit. And that's funny shit.

Starting point is 01:25:47 And it's again, people saying queers, people fixing tires. Yeah. Well, he's country was founded. Right, right, right, right. Misogynist fixing tires. Yes. You're going to have to deal with a little bit of misogyny, but we're going to get you back out on the road. You want the chassis tightened up or not? That's been the story of our history.

Starting point is 01:26:13 But yeah, I mean, it's a re if you're setting us some shit in a tire shop, that's how those motherfuckers behave. You know what I mean? Like you got to be realistic about it. Like a trans male swimmer in there or something? Ooh, that would be interesting. Yeah, I prefer him in. We need these better tires. Yeah, that would be good.

Starting point is 01:26:30 These tires ain't tiring enough. On the way to the, maybe on the way to the meet. Yeah. You know what I mean? Bring them in, see, get the fellas. Ooh, Reginald has a magic tire. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck is happening?

Starting point is 01:26:42 No, you need a fucking, all people want is just art to reflect life, man. Let's be realistic. And if your thing is set in a tire shop, that's how those guys have to behave. I'll watch the trans swimmer show. That's fun. And they can go do, you know, they can fucking

Starting point is 01:26:59 talk the way they actually talk. And if you have tire guys, talk the way they talk. That's what you just need is, I think that's people just want the reality of stuff. Yeah. It's like, I agree. And those guys are funny as shit. My dad's a contractor. Those guys are hilarious.

Starting point is 01:27:13 Growing up around these fucking morons, they're stupid as shit. And they rag on each other so much. Oh yeah. It's fucking awesome. It's great. And the office was set in an office. And yeah, you can't really say wild shit in an office.

Starting point is 01:27:27 So it can be a little bit more mainstream. But if you're going to do some shit in a tire, in a family-owned tire shop, it's like anything goes there. We're talking, yeah, that is the wild west. Yeah, absolutely. A family-owned like. That's the Gaza Strip of fucking humanity. There's no oversight.

Starting point is 01:27:44 Yeah. There's no oversight. Yeah, there's no oversight. No matter what, no matter how many reports of the UN rights, you're not stopping that. You're not stopping the fucking family owned tire shop from saying racist shit. You just you can't do it. It's that's how it goes. Same thing with diners. I mean, yeah, you can't. I would don't let don't let a teenager work in a Greek diner.

Starting point is 01:28:05 Okay. Just don't do it. You're going to, don't let, don't let the hostess work for some guy. The evil variant of me from a different universe that has same hair, open black polo. You know what I mean? You don't want him fucking, you don't want him sexually harassing the hostess. You know what I mean? No, well, I just, as long as the guy who's making my food has a thing of toilet paper stuffed up one of his nostrils, I don't give a fuck. As long as one of the line cooks is going through active withdrawals.

Starting point is 01:28:37 Hey, you want your egg scrambled just by his hand, just holding there with a spatula? Greek restaurant, same thing. Look, there might be some chest hair on your lamb chops, You want your egg scrambled just by his hand, just holding there with a spatula. Greek restaurant, same thing. Look, there might be some chest hair on your lamb chops, but it's going to be the best lamb chop you've ever had in your life. You really want to get the fucking food safety people involved in this? You want a bland hairless lamb chop?

Starting point is 01:28:57 Be my guest. God, lamb, huh? The pussy of beef. I agree, gamey. It really is kind of. It's good as fuck. You're like, what part of the lamb is this? This is good, dude.

Starting point is 01:29:12 Oh, I love a nice fucking lamb chop. How does it feel? You've become a staple of your favorite football team. How does that kind of feel every time? That's awesome. I love the Ravens. It's fucking sick. And I have a show at The Lyric, which is, I did it last year. I did a Ravens. It's fucking sick. And I have a show. I have a show at the Lyric,

Starting point is 01:29:26 which is I did it last year. I did a bunch of shows this year. I'm doing a couple for the holidays. It's fucking nuts to go to your fate, the team you grew up rooting for. And it's like, they fucking put me on the Jumbotron dude. You get a big pop. I got to fucking, yeah, you get to, I got to meet players. I get to meet this guy. What player is that? That's real fan Dan. Oh, OK. Who is a yeah. He does the R.A.V.E.N.E.S. Dan's.

Starting point is 01:29:50 Oh, he gets to go. Oh, he gets it going. He's got some. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:29:55 The Chaperone version. Chappell Raven, dude. Chappell Raven. That's me, dude. And yeah, they put this on the Ravens Instagram account. The official Ravens Instagram account. Let me put on fucking a helmet. You gotta rip a dart on there next time.

Starting point is 01:30:13 They wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let me mention guns. Or Suboxone. Yeah. Which is crazy. Also Suboxone Wilson is a player there too. Which is. Great on the edge. Great on the edge. Not allowed dude.

Starting point is 01:30:31 Bro the Saints have, the Saint, someone keeps tweeting about the Pope keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints. Can you see where you can find that? Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Were you, you were a, are you an LSU guy? Are you a,

Starting point is 01:30:47 here's who I like. I'm a Saints guy, but they've been under, they've been delivering for the past few years. Yeah. And that's been, Pope Francis keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints. So that's where we are. Hashtag Saints are formed by the Beatitudes. Poor meek, merciful, hungering and thirsting for justice seeking peace. Okay, yeah, so there's some issues with the refs. Yeah. Yeah, I think the post went up before the Saints lost to the Lully Carolina Panthers marking their 73.

Starting point is 01:31:14 God is not on your side. They took it out, but in the actual tweet, it was showing the Saints logo every time he hashtags Saints. So that's what happened. Wow, and there he is right there. Thank you for your prayers, Pont, if we need them. Wow. Interesting. But that now does that prove there it is. Does that prove the Catholic God is not real?

Starting point is 01:31:39 Because a tweet from Pope Francis doesn't even get you to beat the fucking Panthers. That's a good point. I'd like to see, you know, a Muslim guy tweet about you. I'd like to see... This is a good way to see who wins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how we can tell who's right. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:53 Each religion tweets about New Orleans Saints. Tweeters, start your fingers. And they rattle off. And they rattle off. We get to see who really gets... Is it Islam? Is it Judaism? Yeah, Buddhism.

Starting point is 01:32:03 Each week they all get a shot. They all get a shot. Wiccan? shot wicked. I've listen waking. Yeah get some fucking fat bitches with black lipstick To put a curse on your opponent Tear out a Raven's heart Oh dude one time I was walking on the beach and like Destin, Florida at night and we're like we're kids and we got To go to the beach and I met this girl out there pretty boobiness girl love that and so she's like I want you to hold me in the water or whatever and it was like I'd hidden like a bottle of wine and I saw someone in the sand earlier in the day so I'm out there literally digging in the fucking sand by myself under like

Starting point is 01:32:39 probably pretty decent moonlight right sure sure fucking digging in there. And like, I'm one of those like, watching the grunion run or whatever. Like I'm a pregnant turtle. Trying to see how many of your babies make it to sea. I'm out there. Literally, I'm just looking for a bottle of Xenfandel. Putting my hand in and run. And then she came up and we had a couple sips.

Starting point is 01:33:00 We were talking and stuff. And she's like, I want you to hold me in the water. So then we're out in the fucking water, dude. Love that. Kissing is fucking ridiculous. Was she any Wiccan's like, I want you to hold me in the water. So then we're out in the fucking water. Do you love that kissing is fucking ridiculous. Was she any wiccan or just she was wiccan. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Did she do any chance or enchantments to you?

Starting point is 01:33:13 No, she just said some stuff that she didn't believe in this and that. And she was wiccan interesting. And then she had to be pregnant by a certain time or whatever. And he didn't oblige. You're like, I'm out. You want this white tail or not? I was like, this is Infidel. It's got to fucking go, Infidel.

Starting point is 01:33:33 Did you encounter any like, because I think about like New Orleans, it is, they have some spooky, some spooky shit, any witches, any like voodoo shit. Do you ever encounter any of that stuff? I stole money one time off of an altar there and my life was bad for like seven months. And then,

Starting point is 01:33:49 I swear to God, here was the crazy part. I stole the money and then used the money to buy peanut butter M&Ms, right? Hexed for peanut butter M&Ms. And so that was horrible. And I finally, and I was on the road for a while and then I finally got back home and I put them,

Starting point is 01:34:07 I went and put twice as much money back. And it was all good after that? Well, we grew up, there was a lot of pro, like those like snake fucking Protestants, you know? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Now hold on, what kind of altar and where was this altar? This was in the French Quarter, like on the edge of the French Quarter.

Starting point is 01:34:22 Gotcha, and it was just kind of out there. Yeah, they just had a thing put together. And... It's interesting how many different types, because Greek people have like, when somebody, we have like the, kind of like a little altar for like your past loved ones. And if you think about it, it is, even though we're Greek Orthodox, that's so clearly like a pagan ritual. You put a little altar for the deceased.

Starting point is 01:34:43 That's not in like Christianity anywhere. It's just, you know. But I wonder, well, I wonder if we should spend more time communicating with the deceased. You know, like, helping relieve, you know, or is there anything that they need to tell us? It's like, we're just like fucking B. You know, like, once they clock out, we're like, you are off the fucking.

Starting point is 01:34:59 Yeah, we're going to Mangiano's, having some pasta in your memory, and that's it. Yeah, they just like, because the Mexicans do that every year. They let you know, they let all the you know Let them out for one last Fiesta. Yeah, I like on MS 31st or whatever Halloween night they let all of like the family You know, you ever see Coco the movie about that. Uh, yeah, I think Joey Diaz is... Oh no, that's something I'm thinking of somebody else. Joey Diaz is in Coco!

Starting point is 01:35:28 I thought he was in it. That's awesome. You gotta deal with your generational trouble, you cocksucker! Stop depending on your grandfather to turn your life around! I think I did try to watch this on a plane or whatever. This legitimately destroyed me when I saw it. What happened was, so me and my brothers, we had a tradition where we

Starting point is 01:35:51 would take some kind of hallucinogenic, whatever big like Hollywood release was out that, you know, like a big fun action movie or like, like Star, the first, the first time we did it was the new Star Wars prequels where it was the new star wars prequels where it was like we didn't give a fuck about star wars that much but yeah take some fucking acid you watch star wars oh yeah it's gonna be fucking awesome so we would do that on christmas or around christmas your stepfather yeah yeah yeah you really you really will actually You made that, it did cause some issues. She got there fucking surprise attack with a catalytic converter out there. Well, fucking.

Starting point is 01:36:27 Oh, so we did that. And then one year we were going to, it was Aquaman was coming out. Oh yeah. Forgot to buy fucking tickets ahead of time. We thought for sure there's no way, you know, Aquaman is going to be sold out. And then we forget. So it's sold out. We get there.

Starting point is 01:36:42 I'm already on acid. Oh my God. And we're like, all right, let's just get back to the house ASAP. We're all fucking on acid. You didn't go into the film? We couldn't. So then my brother's like, Coco is pretty like colorful, this could be fun.

Starting point is 01:36:55 Dude, it's a story all about family, like my best friend's mom had just died. We were like, it's a story all about like family. Yeah. And dude, I'm just tripping my nuts off. Just sobbing and being like, dude, I thought I was going to watch Jason Momoa fight a fucking punch of fish in the head.

Starting point is 01:37:15 And now I'm thinking about my dead grandparents and if they're proud of me or not. It was so fucked up, dude. Wow. And then my brother, I was like sobbing so much afterwards. My brother's like, all right, man. And he just put on Thor Ragnarok for me to just fucking calm down. Like I was a fucking baby. You got to.

Starting point is 01:37:36 Here's your fucking dumb movie, because I would watch that on acid a bunch. That was a fun thing I would do. So it's on Wendy Weatherfoot on YouTube. He puts on soft core pornography with huge tutored women. He's like, here you go, buddy. Your favorite stuff. No, Wendy Weatherfoot is a children's. Oh no, sorry. I was just thinking, I don't know what Wendy Weatherfoot is. I was just going into stuff I liked. Yeah. Wendy Weatherfoot is a nature based animation series on YouTube.

Starting point is 01:38:05 If you like children in nature, you might like it. Right, that would have been a better thing to calm me down. Yeah. But yeah, it was fucked up how much cocoa on acid when I was not emotionally ready to deal with it and how fucking destroyed me, dude, destroyed me. But you know. Acid is just such a wild thing that they make.

Starting point is 01:38:24 Yeah. Cause first you're like, you're telling me this little bitty square of paper. Is it gonna do shit? Is gonna remodel the way I experience the world. Completely fucked my brain up. Is gonna make me hide behind the car in your yard. And cry about how your parents met each other.

Starting point is 01:38:45 I don't know, guys. Same thing. The last one we did was Avatar and I literally was crying at that too. But that was more like the movie was affecting me. I was like, oh, fuck, dude, the fucking little guy's gonna die. I was fucking crying. And like moments before I was laughing at what a stupid movie it was, and then they kill a character,

Starting point is 01:39:09 I'm like, oh, he's fucking dead, bro. My brothers were just laughing at me. They weren't as fucked up as I was. And it's just the attendant is just shining a flashlight right in your eyes. You give him your license, that's when you're fucked up at the movies. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:22 You give him your, Yeah, yeah. You hand the guy your driver's license. The guy just shining a light on you. Dude, I've been watching all those like, around the holidays I'll start watching a lot of those military people come home videos. Oh, that'll fucking do it to you for sure.

Starting point is 01:39:39 Surprised at the school. While we look for that one more time I was on acid at the movies, I was, the people in the theater thought I was a special needs because I was what was it? What gave it or what gave him the impression? I was again on I was actually on mushrooms and acid at the time. Okay. And it was a packed one.

Starting point is 01:39:58 And you know, you familiar with Babu Frick? He's a little Star Wars guy. He's a little Star Wars Muppet. Okay. And every time Babu Frick would come on, I would be like, yeah, I would be so happy. You love that was so on acid that I kind of returned to being a fucking baby. And so he was just a cute little Muppet guy. And every time he'd come on, I'd be like, yeah, Babu Frick.

Starting point is 01:40:23 Couldn't stop laughing. And people were mad and they looked at me and then I saw, I saw them be like, like their faces soften. This guy's special needs. There's like, there's no way. They thought I was like some teenager. They just looked around. It's like, there's no way a man, this old and fat is not special needs. If he's reacting to Babu Frick this way. And they looked at my brother and my brother was like,

Starting point is 01:40:49 sorry. And they were like, oh no, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I, I don't even know what to say now. Some memorable acid. You're not an acid on movies.

Starting point is 01:41:03 Oh, me and my buddy, well, I've told this story recently. It was just one that on movies. Oh, me and my buddy. Well, I told this story recently. It's just one that I remember. We went to the Waffle House in our town, right? And we got there at like 430 in the morning and there was a gay or there was a homosexual urban male in there, waiter. We'd never seen a gay black guy. Wow. How old were you? We were probably 14. Okay. That's big. Yeah, it How old were you? We were probably 14. Okay.

Starting point is 01:41:25 That's big. Yeah. It was big, dude. We're very excited. That's some of the funnest, that's one of the funnest type of guys in the world. Oh, we're so high, dude. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:41:33 And we're so high that all we can do is fucking laugh. On hallucinogenics or just weed? Yeah, we're taking some LSD. Cool. And so we went there, cause it was open, it's the only place that had lights out where you could be somewhere and be young

Starting point is 01:41:44 and not have to, as long as you were buying food, you had a legal reason to be there. I'm legally here for breakfast, right? Yes, yes, yes. Well, we started laughing so hard. May I use the hash browns defense? I'd like to enter the hash browns defense. Sorry, go ahead.

Starting point is 01:42:00 No, it's a... So you guys are fucked up? Oh, and we're so fucked up, my buddy starts laughing so hard and starts fucking choking. He's laughing toward the guy the way it starts giving him the fucking Dude, so there's a bro. I'm laughs I My that's I mean that would destroy me. My body was coming out of my body. Yeah, I was doing like this I was like and my body just getting fucking remodeled by this breakfast brother. Just fucking reshaping him, bro.

Starting point is 01:42:33 Smothered him fucking. And what style of gay guy are we talking? Does he have like eyeliner on? Small but strong. Small but strong. Yeah. Small but strong. Like, um.

Starting point is 01:42:42 Just posture and the way he talks. What do you mean? Had flair on, but didn't need to have it on. That's not mandated. Like he had so much on, you almost thought he was like one of those people that blows up the balloons or whatever. Are you selling them? He's like, yeah, yeah, he's being fun. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:02 I love that. Great attitude. Great God. Great attitude. Saved your friend's life. Yeah, he's being fun. Great attitude, great God. Great attitude, saved your friend's life. Yeah, I went to SNL the other night too, that was pretty cool. Oh, hell yeah. Went to Sopr.

Starting point is 01:43:11 Fuck yes, dude. That was awesome. It was cool, just to be there. You ever been there? I've never been there, no. I want to go and I have, I mean I have friends who are on the show now and like it would be cool to go,

Starting point is 01:43:20 but I just, you know, always traveling, never here, Saturday, it's a hard night to be. They'll probably ask you to do it this year, I bet. No, I don't think so. I'd love to, but I would absolutely love to. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to fuck, you know, it seems like, cause I have friends who were on the show and it's like, seems like a hard job.

Starting point is 01:43:37 That's the thing, as much as stressful as it is to like, have to put out shit constantly and be touring, like, you're still your own boss. I can't imagine as that's a great, you know, that's a huge comedy show that people still watch, but you're somebody's fucking employee. I can't imagine doing that anymore, dude. Even if it's a cool fucking job, just being worried about my performance at work. I can't do that shit, dude. That's fucking crazy. I would love to dream to host it. But if I, yeah, that's why. That's fucking crazy. But I would love to, it's a dream to host it. But if I, yeah, that's why I say like,

Starting point is 01:44:07 I'm a, I work for myself and I'm a hard person to work for. Yeah, absolutely. I'm my own boss and my boss is a fucking idiot. And my boss is an asshole too sometimes. My boss is an asshole, he's a fucking. Yeah, he's a closet homosexual as well. Hey, that's a fucking yeah, he's a closeted homosexual as well. Hey, that's a lot

Starting point is 01:44:35 If your name is Mark and we hooked up in Houston But that just, God, that was so, but I had to play in the dark and that was a challenge. I remember that. That's good for your understanding of the fretboard. Yeah. You know, it's more intuitive. It's more. Yeah. SNL was great.

Starting point is 01:44:57 It was cool to see. Well, Burr, Bill Burr dropped into a lot of the characters that he liked the acting part where you're like doing the characters. He did a really great job. Good actor, man. Yeah. He really liked try, you know, it's like yeah, cuz some of it It was like kind of you would think it's a little cheesy or whatever But he like, you know, you got to commit right there

Starting point is 01:45:11 You know what I mean? Like sketch comedy in general is a little is a little cheesy But if you're gonna do it, you got to fucking do it. Yeah, I mean, it was cool McGee played. Oh, yeah That was pretty dope. I'm trying to think of what else happened and he Go to the after party anything like that? I didn't go. Yeah. I heard that it's interesting they line up like limos and people all from the show go get in the limos and they're just waiting outside

Starting point is 01:45:33 and it takes everybody to the after party. Interesting. So. A show of force. Yeah. Kind of like how North Korea has a bunch of tanks and stuff. SNL is like, we got 12 limos. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:42 Don't fuck with us. We got what we got. We got 12 limos going to the Dave and Buster's in Times Square. Yeah. Yeah. And all of our drivers are addicted to porn if you're in North Korea. You see that?

Starting point is 01:45:53 That's awesome, dude. Salute to those guys. They made a big mistake. Once someone gets a little taste of pornography, you tell me they're going to go back to no porn. This could legitimately lead to the toppling of the North Korean regime little dabble do you do North Korea soldiers in Russia game internet access view lewd videos this is from Ukrainian world Congress dot org You're getting your news, man. The same place everybody is, dude. Inradianworldcongress.org.

Starting point is 01:46:27 What the fuck is this? This is a website we made a half hour ago. Okay. This is all news now. It's whatever you want it to be. A usually reliable source. This is from this article. It tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had

Starting point is 01:46:44 unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they're gorging on pornography. That's awesome. Gorging is crazy. Gorging means the equipment. What's gorging like the equivalent of, because I've gorged on food. Yeah, probably mouth open couple of phones going at once. I don't think it's their best soldiers.

Starting point is 01:47:07 I think they're sending expendable guys. There's no way Kim Jong-un is sending his best boys out there. They're sending. He might want to get the more the masturbators out of his ranks. He might have said the masturbators out. 100%. Let's do it. Can I just say he looks awesome.

Starting point is 01:47:24 Look at that fit. Wow. I want to dress like that for real. 100%. Let's zoom in on a couple of these guys. Can I just say, he looks awesome. Look at that fit, bro. I wanna dress like that for real. You can do that, man. I need those pants. I need that fucking leather jacket. Is that goat leather? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:47:34 Where do they get it from? It's shiny. He's looking awesome. Oh, he looks great. I think especially over the years. He's really figured his look out. He's come into his own. They say he gets massages every day and

Starting point is 01:47:46 Interesting and facials too. I'd love that. I would live to live like that. I Have a love of them. Look how high the one dude is on porn right above your cursor to the right zooming on that guy Right there zooming on that guy right there You can't sorry enhance. Let's get in that guy I can't go any further. Oh, you can't. Sorry. Enhance.

Starting point is 01:48:04 Let's get a shot of that guy. Um, the hats are pretty, the hats are pretty high. Great hats. I've watched that much porn before. When one of my ears turned really red. That's crazy, man. Yeah. That's a lot.

Starting point is 01:48:23 Cause he's lost all the blood from that ear and it's gone translucent. Cause that's all pumping to his cock. It's all being used, man. Yeah. That's a lot. Because he's lost all the blood from that ear, and it's gone translucent, because that's all pumping to his cock. It's all being used, brother. All non-essential blood is being redirected to your dick. When you see porn for the first time in 40 years. Oh, dude, I remember at school when I would have to take tests, I would fucking tie my legs off like this to keep the blood up by my brain.

Starting point is 01:48:41 Oh, smart, dude. So I'd be able to have more oxygen in my brain to help me think. Where did you find out about that? Who told you about that? Was that just, you know what I mean? Good idea. Just good idea.

Starting point is 01:48:52 Did it work? Yeah, it was pretty good. Pretty good student, you know? Love that, dude. Yeah, it was fun, man. It's being alive back then. Yeah. Fucking beautiful leg skin.

Starting point is 01:49:00 Oh, yeah. What's the leg skin looking like these days? You don't really show off the gams too much. I don't that much. Yeah. I mean, I put on a weighted day. That's not bad. You know?

Starting point is 01:49:10 That's not bad. I mean, yeah. Yeah. They won't be in Westminster, but they won't be in the Dolls show. But I do, so I think if I get in the gym for a couple of weeks, I'll show them, you know? Please do. I will. Thank you, man.

Starting point is 01:49:23 Please do. But see, that's the thing. That's a blessing of being a foundational man. Thank you, man. Yeah, yeah. We got some thick... And I'm even hiding the calves too. What bothers me is I'm a little too milky white up here. You got those force five walls right there, baby. Those things are category three. Fucking... You could hang out... You could hide two bitches behind those. You could. You could take shelter behind my calves. No problem. I would love that. Yeah what else is happening man anything else

Starting point is 01:49:48 talk about police seized a goat from an 11 year old girl what is up with cops taking fucking animals yeah something happened with a month squirrel too I don't understand why people are fucking It's just like bureaucrat like who gives a fucking good for this girl. She won 300k now I don't know all the facts. Hopefully this goat wasn't biting people's dicks off or whatever It turns out the goat was a fucking piece of shit, but if he was just a nice little goat Vanessa Shakib Yeah, it's tough to know. The goat was seized by sheriffs. Go back to the top a little bit.

Starting point is 01:50:29 Sheriff's deputies in 2022 while living at a North Carolina farm and was later slaughtered. Why? Did they eat him? As outlined in court documents. You can't slaughter a goat for no reason. For no reason. I agree, no, not for no fucking reason.

Starting point is 01:50:42 But if you look, if they had a nice little. The cop's like, nah, we're getting this guy out of here. And the girl's just like, meh. Yeah. The sheriff's deputy did nothing but enforce the law. Yeah, right. Who knows if this is even right? And then they got this squirrel or whatever.

Starting point is 01:50:57 He did something. Some dumb bitch snitched. They shouldn't have killed Peanut, but the bitch who snitched is obviously the biggest villain in here. But also the cops overstepping cops love killing a fucking animal when they can man they do they'll shoot people's dogs for no reason they just fucking like killing shit Oh man what do you think of the world right now? Things feel okay now to you?

Starting point is 01:51:26 Are you scared? Not really. Cause I know there's the election, right? Yes. What are people truly scared of, do you think when they talk about Trump? Cause, but what is it? I kind of start to wonder, what do people be scared of?

Starting point is 01:51:41 I can tell you right. I mean, the thing, so for me, you know, I didn't love either candidate here. I didn't, I really didn't understand being enthusiastic about either candidate. I think, you know, I'm not a Trump guy obviously. I think he is dangerous in the things that I'm scared of the most. And the thing that made me, that made me lean towards Kamala was more than anything was the Supreme Court and that it would be, if it's put under like far right control for the next however long.

Starting point is 01:52:13 We've already seen, you know, women's right to, you know, over their bodies, the abortion, you know, Roe v. Wade's been overturned, which I think is really dangerous. That's gonna like really affect women's healthcare. Already in states that banned it, you see they're getting less just general OBGYN care because it's more dangerous to be a doctor in those states. So we don't think about shit that trickles down.

Starting point is 01:52:34 So like it's harder to get just general health care, let alone abortion in Texas now for women. And that's only going to get harder in rural states. And I think for me, that was the number one issue. That's really fucking scary to me. Especially with the border being open and they're letting rapists in. It's fucking...

Starting point is 01:52:51 You know what I'm saying though? It's like you're just... Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know if it's the best time to repeal that. Yeah, yeah. I don't understand. If we're going to follow your logic and you claim they got rapists coming in,

Starting point is 01:53:03 maybe we should also keep abortion. But, you know, I think we got plenty claim they got rapists coming in. Maybe we should also keep abortion, but I think we got plenty of homegrown rapists too, but you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got our own. Sure, sure, sure. We've got some union guys. We've got some heirloom American rapists for sure.

Starting point is 01:53:18 Jesus Christ. But I think that's my, the number one thing that scares me is about that, because it's not only, that's the first step, and I think you can really see stuff that we take for granted as progress, gay marriage is another thing. There's a really weird cultural,

Starting point is 01:53:32 I think this is what happens anytime the party that's backed by the, you know, the powers that be, big business, the rich people, the richest people in the world want far right politicians. And I think- Do you think still? Absolutely, without question.

Starting point is 01:53:49 I feel like tech is now, I just feel like the parties have changed. Elon Musk is a huge Trump guy. That's a good point. I think rich people will support whoever's in power, number one, but they want to transfer wealth from the poor to the rich. They've been really good at doing it. The biggest issue, I think the reason the Democrats lost is because they pretend that there is no problem.

Starting point is 01:54:11 It's like, that's fucking crazy. You have to tell people that yes, there are issues here. Shit is more expensive. I think inflation, I think a big part of inflation is that companies realize they can just charge you more and say it's somebody else's fault. A lot of it's price gouging. That's fucking true. Yeah. Everything gets so much more expensive.

Starting point is 01:54:33 Some of it is just real inflation, but some of it is companies are hiding behind inflation. Democrats did nothing to stop price gouging. They didn't even say they were going to do it. You can't tell people that things are going good when they're just clearly not. And there were just no... It sucks because they offered the Democratic parties become like they were going after fucking Dick Cheney, who was like... That was so bizarre. It's crazy because they're going after, policy-wise, moderates, Republican people who most working class people don't agree with the economic stuff that they're saying.

Starting point is 01:55:11 And then culturally, it's not, it bothers me when you become a party of like tattletales. It's like it's become a party of like middle managers that wanna get mad at you if you say the wrong thing. And it's like, that's not fucking, that's not the most important issue. The most important issue for people is that things are fucking more, they have no health care. Wage inequalities out of fucking control.

Starting point is 01:55:34 We're not, the, what people's wages have not kept pace with how much bosses are earning. Yeah. Well, what percent, I mean, Bernie Sanders said greatly that he thought if AI starts to happen for companies, right? So companies are making more money because of AI because they don't need people. Yeah, right Then some of that money should go to the employees Of course as opposed and cut it cut it down their hours for the week Now you give them a better life instead of just making it where well fucking well, we don't need you anymore

Starting point is 01:56:02 Yeah, you know, so you don't get anything and we keep all the fucking profits. And I do think I mean, I think we talked about a little bit last time where it's like AI as a tool to fucking do creative shit. It's so weird when it's like it should be making normal people's lives easier. It shouldn't just be for rich people to be able to charge less. Like there should be some protections for workers. And we should be able to like, you know, you should be able to charge less. Like there should be some protections for workers and we should be able to like, you know,

Starting point is 01:56:27 you should be able to fucking buy a house. All these fucking regular issues that weren't really hit on, it was just, well, you gotta vote for us because the other person's worse. And even though I think that is true, that's not a winning message, that's nothing. Especially when the other side is offering, they're at least saying shit's bad.

Starting point is 01:56:44 Well, yeah, and they're saying it's for the wrong reasons. I don't think it's immigrants' fault. It's definitely not fucking, trans people aren't the people buying up houses and not letting you buy it. You know what I mean? But at least they're saying something's wrong and they're saying some fucked up shit, in my opinion.

Starting point is 01:57:00 They're trying to make it culture war stuff. They're trying to divide people who should be on the same side by saying, oh, gay people are bad. Trans people are bad. When it's like, the people trying to fuck you are rich people. That's how it's always been. That's that's the fucking that's that's a tale as old as time. Like, and it's weird. Some people think they're going to be fucking billionaires when they're,

Starting point is 01:57:20 when it's like they don't make off crypto or whatever. And they're like, well, when I'm that rich, I don't want to be taxed. And it's like they don't make off crypto or whatever. And they're like, well, when I'm that rich, I don't want to be taxed. And it's like, you fucking don't. You live in a, you're sharing a loft bedroom with your dad, your friend's dad who's taking dick pills. You don't have to worry about fucking tax rates going up on you. Don't bet on yourself now. It's bet on yourself right now, man.

Starting point is 01:57:41 How about we raise some fucking taxes on the richest people and you get some fucking healthcare. It just, I don right now, man. How about we raise some fucking taxes on the richest people and you get some fucking health care? It just, I don't know, man. I just- No, maybe I shouldn't have asked. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's frustrating because I,

Starting point is 01:57:54 but even having said all that, I think what people are scared of the most with Trump is just, yeah, man, the Supreme Court being taken over by like ideologically really right wing, because now the Senate is Republican and there's like, you know, taken over by that, that's scary. That is scary to me because we could see a lot of stuff rolled back that is that we take for granted as fundamental and stuff that's just progress. We can argue over like, you know, economic issues, whatever.

Starting point is 01:58:22 But some of those things that does scare me. Yeah. It's like gay, like women's rights are being rolled back. Oh, it would be so wild if you got groups in there that were like, well, you can't do gay anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're taking away gay marriage. But then you'd have to, all the gays would have to pretend they're straight again or whatever.

Starting point is 01:58:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah, back in the closet, boys. Like, oh, come on. I just threw away all my straight, I just threw away all my dockers. Yeah, you told me that. I just threw away all my straight. I just throw away all my dockers. My fucking plaid shirt. Fucking burned on my dock martin and just lay in bed holding my high school girlfriend. What are you gay guys and lesbians have to get married again? And then fuck other fuck on the side hey you know what there was

Starting point is 01:59:06 something admiral about those days though look you got you got I respect getting a nut anyway against the against everything well just the hard work just them you know the effort that people put into being gay sure whereas now fucking somebody's just like all day being gay this willy fucking Nellie just burning the gay candle at both ends. Yep. Yep. Doing Pilate. He's the only guy in the class. Which is the gayest thing you do. I used to have a gay roommate for about four months and he would chew gum in his fucking sleep and I was like, what is going on? Did he ever defunj all of it?

Starting point is 01:59:38 He was a figure skater. He could jump over a Toyota Tercelle, the front one. Wow. Just the front. Yeah, but side to side. Couldn't go long, that's insane. And he's jumping. But he could jump literally at an angle and kind of. Oh, he'd do the spin, the axle. Yeah, it was crazy. That's awesome.

Starting point is 01:59:52 He could axle over a fucking Toyota Tercel, yeah. Where'd you meet him? We met him, we were shopping, my buddy and I were shopping for firewood and we met him at a Vons one afternoon. We'd just moved to Los Angeles. He was doing tricks in the parking lot? Yeah, he was just doing that fucking Piro.

Starting point is 02:00:09 Your buddy's like, hey pal, ease off the Tercel. I just got rid of the Mitsubishi, I can turn this fucking car off. The last thing I need is a gay heel going through my windshield. Yeah. Yeah, I toned it down, huh? I toned it down.

Starting point is 02:00:24 Hey, just buff. He's just buffing it with his feet as he passes over. Well, I do think some things that, uh, I do think I will say this though. Also Donald Trump campaign harder than fucking anyone for a 78 year old man. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. I's unbelievable. Yeah, I mean, I think he loves the attention of campaign.

Starting point is 02:00:47 Oh, I agree. You know what I mean? But to even do it, dude, like, I just can't even believe, I mean, that like blew my mind just how, how much he could do, you know? I think that's his favorite part though. You saw him, he was all,

Starting point is 02:01:01 he was electric on the fucking mic, bro. Yeah. He loves, he loves getting, he loves crushing, dude. Yeah, he loves he loves getting he loves crushing, dude. He's like he loves getting in front of this crowd, just fucking riffing. Like, dude, you think that motherfucker wants to be in meetings or you think he wants to be talking to the NELC boys about how he used to get pussy in the 80s or whatever the fuck he was doing. Like that's the part he likes.

Starting point is 02:01:21 He doesn't want to listen to fucking reports about fucking stats and numbers and shit. No, he wants to eat a Big Mac, drink a Diet Coke and go on bussing with the boys. He's like, Para-thaw-sit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cut the mics. Let me tell you a little something. Suzanne Summers. Yeah, yeah. Funny. I will say, I think one of the funniest guys in the band, though.

Starting point is 02:01:43 Entertaining. Without question. That's the thing. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you he's not fucking, he's funny as shit, which is I think why things are so, that's why he was able to sneak through. If somebody was saying the exact same shit with no humor at all, it would be horrifying. It would be, it's fucking crazy.

Starting point is 02:02:02 He says insane shit, but it's funny as fuck and he seems gay. That's the other thing. He's a New York gay guy who happens to be straight, I guess. You think Trump's gay? Well, he behaves. I mean, come on. His mannerisms, his little person of the... He behaves like a gay guy is what I'm saying. He's got queen... He seems like a gay guy from Queens. Really? He's from Queens. He has like that little...

Starting point is 02:02:24 Yeah, but you didn't put him in Queens in that story. His fucking spray tan. No? He's from Queens. He has like that little... You didn't put him in Queens in that story. His fucking spray tan. No, he's from Queens. Oh, he is? Yeah. The spray tan. I'm saying, I don't think he's gay, but he does have gay mannerisms.

Starting point is 02:02:34 Okay. Well, this is it. Doing this. Doing this. Like, his little fucking... Where are the gays for Trump? That was the best. Like, where are they?

Starting point is 02:02:42 They're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple gays for Trump. No, dude. Where are the squirrels for Trump? That was the best. Like, where are they? They're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple gays for Trump. No, dude. Squirrels for Trump. They're here. Look at them. Where's my African American?

Starting point is 02:02:50 Yeah. Blacks for Trump. Where are the gays? Two of them right there. Let them loose. Let them loose, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how many whispers in his ear.

Starting point is 02:03:01 Good to see you, boys. Harriet Tubman's here. He's joking. Dude, the best was he brought up Nikki Jam. He thought it was a woman. He's like, Nikki Jam is here. Beautiful. And it's a fucking dude, some dude off Instagram. Some dude with a mouth full of Zans rolls up there. Just fucking slitting stay awake juice into the fucking audience. No, he's so fun. But like, I'm not going to sit here and tell you the guys. He's so fucking funny. I wait, like I. Pursues to court. So that's one thing that because I just hear that a lot. People like,

Starting point is 02:03:35 I'm so scared. What are you fucking like? That's a part of it. I just never believe the government's going to affect my life that much. I agree with you. The president, the presidential, the president doesn't have that much power. And if it wasn't for the Supreme Court, I would be like, who really gives a fuck? The Democrats didn't run any kind of coherent campaign. They don't want to, I hope, I hope this will make because look, I, my politics are further left than that. I'm not a Democrat registered. Bernie is the only guy I liked in a long time because I thought he was the only human being who was like a real person of integrity.

Starting point is 02:04:09 I think Donald Trump just is a, the idea that he's different from politicians is crazy. He's a rich guy who had, you know, he grew up rich. He's a class president for sure type. Yeah, and it's like his dad, you know, he was like, his dad was a fucking slumlord. He's just a rich guy who's fucked over people on deals forever. He's, I don guy who's fucked over people on deals forever.

Starting point is 02:04:28 I have class issues, right? I tend to not trust super rich guys, and I don't see how he's going to do anything different. I think it's naive to think he's going to be different than... I understand not trusting the Democratic establishment, but it's like to me, Trump's funny, but he's a fucking billionaire propped up by other billionaires That's I think he's part of just the the complex that runs our country And I don't think he's any different right the only person that I like it's gonna be a challenge to see if he is like I mean don't think you know he was already that's the other weird thing

Starting point is 02:04:58 He was already we're talking about him like he's the shaking up force. He was already fucking president He's not new. That's what's weird. Both of them were, that was a foul, both of them had it was like, and Kamal's like, it'll be different. Like, well it's fucking, go home and make it different right now.

Starting point is 02:05:15 And that's why, absolutely, you're in power right now. Do something, God knows Joe ain't doing shit. That guy's been having ice cream for six months. And they pretended. And when they that's what that's what lost me as a Democrat. When they that's when they lost me was when they lied about or when they just I just didn't like where they treated that old man. Yeah, you know, it's not fucking cool because then he believes he's doing great.

Starting point is 02:05:38 Totally. So he wakes up every day. He's listening to the music. He's fucking riding for his bike. He's looking for fucking. Yeah. What are they doing here? He's looking awesome the music. He's fucking riding for his bike. He's looking for fucking. Yeah. What are they doing here? He's looking awesome. What is this dude?

Starting point is 02:05:48 Is this the end of an amazing race? Yeah. To heaven. It looks like he's just about to finish a fucking marathon. Yeah. But he just got out of his car. And they're still pretending every day. They just told him the other day,

Starting point is 02:06:02 he's the fucking mayor of Wisconsin. He's like, and they're giving him unlimited. Can I have some cheese curds? Yeah, unlimited ice cream and milk. Well, and that's why I agree with you. I think they made a fucking huge mistake in running him again. Like when he ran the first time, it's like, I get it.

Starting point is 02:06:18 People were scared of another thing of Trump. So like put some fucking, you know, put some middle of the road as Democrat, but then they should have had an open primary. Like, yeah, people like a railroaded thing. People could actually vote on the issues they care about and they just didn't do that. And and she even had an opportunity to, if she came out with any fucking, you know, I'm just pissed off. She didn't release any new music. Yeah, there was nothing new. It was all Biden remixes and nobody liked Biden.

Starting point is 02:06:47 And you can't just hit, she's trying to go after blacks with a mix tape. You got to fucking. Little production. Yeah, it was, she dropped a lot of diss tracks. Yeah, but no, yeah, nothing new. Yeah, just didn't hit. But look, man, I think it's just crazy how,

Starting point is 02:07:02 I don't know, it'll be interesting. It's a lot of pressure to see. I'm most excited about RFK and JD Vance was super cool when he came on the podcast. He's a human, Trump's hard to get to know. I don't know that JD, to me, he seems like a traditional just say whatever it takes to get elected snake, to be honest with you.

Starting point is 02:07:21 I know, you know, you had him on, he was cool here, but he was a guy who said he hated Trump, he said some fucked up shit about women. I just think he's a, and venture capitalist guys are fucking worms to begin with. I don't trust JD Vance at all, I think he's a piece of shit also. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:07:36 I mean, just, I think he's a cut in the, regular ass Republican that'll say any fucking fucked up thing to get into power. He sucked Trump's cock after saying he was, he called him Hitler or whatever. And he did. He made a complete turn when he realized it was politically advantageous to be on Trump's side. I think he also is just a run of the mill piece of shit politician.

Starting point is 02:07:59 Like I just do. I think all politicians is a weird thing to be. But that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is like I've never been excited about, the politicians I've been excited about was Obama when I was 18. So he voted for Obama? And I think he did have a real opportunity to do something and it turned out he didn't really do shit. And then he didn't man. But that's the thing that always happens.

Starting point is 02:08:22 Yeah, at least that was something that was like... And I think part of that was Obama was just too inexperienced. I think if he had a little more, you know... He didn't know what he was doing with the Senate. The healthcare thing got completely fucked and universal healthcare didn't end up... I had Obamacare. It was bad. They didn't... They ended up... They sent me some cups. I still have some set of cups they sent me.

Starting point is 02:08:41 Nice, dude. You got a mug? Huh? That's the... Yeah. No, it's like, I kind of like some plastic cups of it. I still use them. Yeah. They're cool. But he got worked over by thinking

Starting point is 02:08:52 he could actually, you know, find common ground with the Republicans. They should have just rammed the legislation down their throat. They had both houses at the time. Anyway, whatever. Yeah. And the only person I was excited about was Bernie because I think he was actually in that run in 2016.

Starting point is 02:09:10 He was like- He would have been cool. Would have been cool, but the Democrats shut that shit down. Hey man, well, I like Vance as a guy, seem like a nice guy. I know that like, he's like, they say like Peter Thiel is like the guy

Starting point is 02:09:23 that got him in office, that sort of thing. But then you start to see that all these guys have backers. Will things be different with some of these guys? I don't know. I think, but one thing that's cool is that we both like Bernie. I like Bernie too. I would have voted for Bernie. See, that's the, I think those ideas unite people

Starting point is 02:09:39 because he's just saying like, look, we have issues to deal with. There's real issues. We're not gonna pretend shit's good when it's not, and let's find real ways to do it that everybody gets, and that's real equality. He wants to help everyone because it's not about, it's not a fucking, it's not about like, you know,

Starting point is 02:09:58 cultural shit, it's about economic shit, and more people are disaffected because of the people at the top. And I think that's a message that everyone can agree with. And I think when people aren't looking at things ideologically, if you just ask them about issues, people agree on a lot of fucking issues. I say that every day.

Starting point is 02:10:17 They want to be able to fucking buy a house, they want to be able to afford shit, and they want to be able to fucking get healthcare. How many people do we know? Like I have, you know, I know people do we know, like I have, I know people, extended family, stuff like that, that are struggling off shit that they shouldn't, because somebody got sick

Starting point is 02:10:31 and it derails your whole fucking family. We talk about that all the time. It's fucked up, dude. The number one cause of, I mean, we say this all the time now because it's one of the few facts I know, but the number one cause of bankruptcy in America is medical debt.

Starting point is 02:10:42 Crazy. And so it's a fucking, the whole system is a money laundering scam. And I don't know why that hasn't changed. And if you would think at some point, one of these fucking groups would be able to change the shit, you know? I mean, there is so much money in politics and I was right, but it's just, it's so people are so fed up with the fucking system.

Starting point is 02:11:00 I just, you almost want there to be a war to end it all. Yeah, I know what you mean, man. I do know what you mean. And some people do believe that. Some people think there's no way. Something has to change because this is not changing over time. Right? Yeah. Some people believe revolution is the only way to fucking do it. Hey, Tony tried to start one. That was the main reason, like Shane said it too, on his podcast, it would have been so funny

Starting point is 02:11:28 to be able to blame Tony. Aw. He'd gotten the one. He would have just been like, you bombed so hard. It was like, that the part your candidate fucking lost. How fun would that be to tell Tony for the rest of his life? We did it.

Starting point is 02:11:40 Yeah. Fucking. That's actually the thing I'm most pissed off about. Supreme Court is number two. after being able to mock Tony for the rest of my life. That's what I regret the most about the election. He was sweating, I sat there and watched it with him. He was sweating, man.

Starting point is 02:11:58 I think we could, I know that we could do better in this country about being, making useful things. I was just looking the other day in Japan, is it in Japan where they have the sidewalks turned power of building. You're walking by them. The fucking buildings powered by people walking on that's fucking cool. Yeah. Our infrastructure is so fucked too.

Starting point is 02:12:16 It's like how trains don't even work. High speed rail. We need like our trains. If you're on a train the other day it got robbed by a bunch of people on horseback Like the amtrak's getting the fucking the 310 deuma treatment It's unreal dude you go to the post office you go in there you're like yeah i'm looking for this package You get a piece of paper the guy comes back two days later And asks you who the fuck you are You're like, where you been?

Starting point is 02:12:48 You're like, what is even going on? It's fucking crazy, it's crazy. It's falling around, dude. Yeah, but it's like, meanwhile, we have all these homeless people wandering around town. If you put them all in an area and set up one of these, cause this floor in Japan turns footsteps into electricity. Play a bit of it there.

Starting point is 02:13:03 So you're thinking- In Japan, even walking generates electricity. Tokyo Metro. I don't like this guy's voice. The trains are powered electric technology and floors to convert the energy. Yeah, I mean, but if you get 50 or 70 homeless people to power a Jamba Juice or something, you know, how fucking great would

Starting point is 02:13:21 that be? They come out. They dance for 12 minutes or whatever, and bam, the fucking- It's exercise for them. It's good electricity. The blender's cut on in there. And they get a free smoothie for their trouble. What do we do? But instead everybody's like, they need pills. It's like fucking no, dude. That's a perfect example though of homelessness. It's like, give them homes. We know what it takes. homeless. It's like, give them homes. Yeah, we have the, we know what it takes. Like get make fucking apartment buildings.

Starting point is 02:13:47 And like that has been shown to work and most people just don't have access. But there is all this weird like you will create nonprofits to help the homeless that cost more than just getting them little apartments. They give them recipe books. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll just keep busing them back and forth in different cities. It's basically political parties play Red Rover with them.

Starting point is 02:14:11 I know. What they should do is instead of busing them, sign them up for Southwest Miles. And then they get some fucking miles out of it. Give them a Southwest credit card every time you ship them from Texas to New York to fucking wherever the fuck. And then they can go on vacation. They can earn some miles. You're not going to cough about the cabin.

Starting point is 02:14:30 I'm just hacking up a fucking dead sparrow in his throat. And only say that cause I was in San Francisco. One time a guy threw a fucking bird at me for no reason. Yeah. It was a sparrow. It was small enough, small enough. It could have been a, um, a warbler, but I'm going to get him back. Yeah. We'll see. He put an air tag in his in his bindle.

Starting point is 02:14:51 You're tracking him. You're going to get him back. Every time I close my eyes, I still see what he looks like. That's horrifying. Birds to me are unsettling creatures. Yeah. To have one thrown at you is very tough. The dirtiest surprise.

Starting point is 02:15:04 Yeah. We did great, man. Star Wars, man, the new movie. Let's start a cult. Let's start a cult. Out on VOD right now. Go to Apple, Amazon, wherever you like to rent movies, go check it out, please.

Starting point is 02:15:15 I'm begging you. We got the calendar. We have a new tour coming out, the Dreamboat Tour. And yeah, I really appreciate you having me on, dude. It's always so fun. This is my favorite podcast to do. It's so much fucking fun. Really, dude? I love it. You're the best to riff with's always so fun. This is my favorite podcast to do, it's so much fucking fun. Really, dude?

Starting point is 02:15:26 I love it, you're the best to riff with. Thanks so much, man, I'm gonna come back in December so I can do yours in. Please, yeah, would love to have you. And I remember I didn't even know you were the guy from Comtown that I liked. That was so fun, dude. You're like, I met that guy once,

Starting point is 02:15:36 I was like, it was me, dude. That's crazy, dude. But I love that, that's awesome. Would it be? Yeah, we'll fucking play some Clapton. I'll have you play a little guitar while I get my dick sucked. Crazy dude. But I love that. That's awesome. Would it be? We'll fucking play some Clapton. I'll have you play a little guitar while I get my dick sucked. It'll be like old times, dude. Just take those old records off the shelf.

Starting point is 02:15:54 Thank you, Sal. You're the man, dude. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones

Starting point is 02:16:16 But it's gonna take a little

This Past Weekend - E545 Stavros Halkias

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