This Past Weekend - E561 Ari Shaffir

Starting point is 00:00:00 You hear that? Ugh, paid. And done. That's the sound of bills being paid on time. But with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa card, paying your bills could sound like this. Earn rewards for paying your bill in full and on time each month. Rise to rewards with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa card. Terms and conditions apply. I have some tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in East Lansing. Rise to rewards with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa Card. Terms and conditions apply. I have some tour dates to tell you about.

Starting point is 00:00:27 I'll be in East Lansing. I'll be in Victoria in the Canada. I'll be in College Station, Texas. Belton, Texas. Oxford, Mississippi. Adi, dadi. Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee, baby. And Winnipeg in the Canada and Calgary in the Canada.

Starting point is 00:00:46 All those tickets are at thetheovon.com slash T-O-U-R. This is still the return of the Rat Tour. I promise we'll end it one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go. I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster. He's been an integral part of comedy for a long time.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics. He's certainly a type of glue in the humor world. His latest special, America's Sweetheart, is now on Netflix. You know his podcast, UB Trippin', and he's currently on the farewell tour, going now through the rest of the year.

Starting point is 00:01:36 I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up. Today's guest is Mr. Ari Shafir. ["I Will Find A Song"] I love this song. Too much burrito. Did you? Ugh. I fucking have American serving sizes

Starting point is 00:02:01 and they hit you with not like chips and salsa first. You fill up on those. Yeah, some serving sizes and they hit you with not like chips and salsa first fill up on those Yeah, some serving sizes are Alarming I can't tell if I'm you know, there's an amount of serving size that you want to get right there's But then some places that give too much you're like, oh, that's this is awesome of them But then you start having it you're like, oh, I'm gonna keep eating it. I'm a dog and it's not good Sometimes they're just overloading you with badness. They're shitty fries. We're like, there's you start having it and you're like, oh this is. I keep eating it, I'm a dog. And it's not good sometimes, they're just overloading you with badness.

Starting point is 00:02:26 They're shitty fries, we're like, oh there's no seasoning on this, and then I ate them all. I should have just been like, no I'll get fries, I have fry money. I could go get more fries. Yeah, get some better fries. I'm like, they're right here, right now, I'm gonna eat them. Yeah, I want like two bites too many, would be perfect.

Starting point is 00:02:41 It's done with like one or two extra bites and then that's it. Buddy, that Trump interview was so fucking good. I've never seen an interview do it like that where it's like, I mean, this is why I'm reading it, like I'm Theo, I'm like, you're here for me, not the other way around. And you're gonna facilitate me being Theo.

Starting point is 00:02:59 Oh wow. Yeah, I don't know, I just felt, I'd had an exhausted week that week. We'd had like a couple of interviews, I think it was. I just felt, I'd had an exhausted week that week. We'd had a couple of interviews, I think it was in New York and in Nashville, and so it was just a lot of traveling. I was like, I do not wanna do this today. Yeah, you can really have to prep for it.

Starting point is 00:03:15 But it was just burnt out, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I think some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff. I don't really think that. I think it was neither here nor there. He was just sitting there like this for you. It's like when I go into a bonfire with Jay and Dan,

Starting point is 00:03:29 I would just like, oh, you guys have a routine here. I'll just sit back and maybe get one tagline in. Yeah, I wish we'd have gotten more time to get to, I wish I would have gotten more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just, I knew we only had about like 55 minutes. So that's a unique amount of time. I hate when those big guys were like,

Starting point is 00:03:46 we have this much, and you're like, all right, I'll do that. Everybody else like, let's just go till we're kinda done. Yeah. But it was interesting. We're gonna need to wrap up in the, oh yeah, fine, but like I might finish it. There was some guy in the back, some lady. I should've just been like, wave it off, but I didn't.

Starting point is 00:04:01 Should've been like, I don't work for, you don't work for me, I don't work for you. I'm gonna keep him here. Yeah, I wish we'd have got, dude, I had a dream last night, actually, that I interviewed Tim Walls, actually. He's the loser guy. He was the guy that sat, yeah, he was on the losing team, and he was...

Starting point is 00:04:17 What'd you interview him about it? What'd you talk to him in your dream? I can't remember, but he was so cool in the interview, and I was like, dude, no, people don't know if you're so cool or not. We gotta, we have to come, let's talk, people, you know? But I think, yeah. I bet they're all kinda cool.

Starting point is 00:04:31 I bet they're like, hey, you know what I wanna do? I wanna take power. I'm like, ooh, I like that. And then when they do it, I'm like, fuck you. Yeah, I think a lot of them just probably either want, or they want, that's the thing. It's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see.

Starting point is 00:04:45 Until I think you get some sort of like a vert, like something of them that seems like somewhat relatable to you. Yeah, no they're all a product too. I saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr. How would you say nuclear? You know how I say nuclear? And somebody's like.

Starting point is 00:05:00 Wait, how would he say it? Nuclear. Nuclear. That's how he would say it? No, he said nuclear nuclear Oh, nuclear is wrong. Sorry buddy. Which one's wrong nuclear. Nuclear is wrong. Yeah But if you're like, you don't think he knew no as its nuclear power nuclear power Yeah, no matter what you put on it. It's always gonna be a nuclear. Okay. Yeah, I've heard it both ways

Starting point is 00:05:18 I think I'm not I didn't really know which one was yeah, correct But yeah nuclear but they were like, you don't think he knew how to pronounce that? His father was the president. You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house? They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable. Wow, you think? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:35 He went to like Ivy League school. That's true, huh? He would have been shaken to that. Yeah, I think people are starting to get hip to like how much of it is Game of Thrones like image shit Yeah, how much of it is like this person is doing this or they're being told this or this is the plan Yeah, Kamala did not have a good strategist whoever her business or their planner was or whatever. Who was that? Who was there? That's one thing. I'm gonna wasn't the Swammer. Your campaign advisor.

Starting point is 00:06:05 Yeah, I bet it wasn't that bald guy. What's his name? He's like the main one. Carville, James Carville. Oh yeah. He was cool, not him. He would've done something better. He would've done something cool.

Starting point is 00:06:15 He's out of Louisiana. Yeah, that's right. I went up to him once. I was like, how do you talk to a celebrity? There's no way. I don't know how to do it. They know I'm talking to them because of them. Not just like, oh hey, cool shirt. And didn't know who it was, you know? So'm talking to them because they're them. Not just like, oh hey, cool shirt,

Starting point is 00:06:25 and didn't know who it was, you know? So I saw him on a commercial shoot once, I was like, what am I saying? I'm like, I know. He used to call into sports radio in D.C. And he had a great thing, like always been on the home underdog if there were more than seven points. And I was like, that's what I'll say.

Starting point is 00:06:38 I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on WTEM with Kornheiser way back. And he goes, oh cool. Fuck, fuck, even that. Yeah, there's nothing worse when, because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing. That's it, you stand there like an asshole, like,

Starting point is 00:06:54 ah, oh, I've done that. It feels so shitty and then so obvious what you were trying to do. I know. Oh, dude. That's like a, there was a night where Johnny Depp was at the comedy store. Oh yeah, I heard about that. And everybody, like you got. That's like a John. There was a night where Johnny Depp was at the comedy store. Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

Starting point is 00:07:06 And everybody, like you got. He's the star. Oh, he was, there was nobody like him, you know? He was, he was everybody, dude. He was in that movie, Peter Pan, he was in that Peter Pan movie. Was he? Yeah, what was it called?

Starting point is 00:07:22 Finding Neverland. Finding Neverland. Oh, God. That's a good movie. But anyway, every, finding Neverland, finding Neverland. Oh, God. It's a good movie. But anyway, every so then like suddenly I'd never even really been backstage at the main room. I, uh, in the main room, I wasn't getting on stage there at much of the time. And I'm like, Oh, I gotta go back. I gotta go back.

Starting point is 00:07:36 John. So you walk in the back, the back room back there was packed. Like you could barely even move. Everybody's having like these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp. They all try to laugh louder so like maybe he'll join in with our joviality. I see it with Rogan sometimes. I bet you get it too. He's sitting like, oh cool, nobody's in this bar.

Starting point is 00:07:56 I was like, I didn't just fill up. It's like word got out, Theo Vonn's there. Oh Rogan, I can imagine, dude. I feel like you never see, I feel like a lot of people, you never see him. He doesn't do a lot of. We get like 20 minutes, normal, and then it's over. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:11 And I'm like, yeah, I was sitting there. All right, fucking take it. Yeah, they're like, let me tell you about science, yo. I'll tell you where the AIDS is. You know, you're like, what's this guy? And it's just a gay guy that's flirting or whatever. But dude, it was like that at the, that was it. And he was in the back.

Starting point is 00:08:30 And then I think I can't. Oh, that's Edgar, that's right. Yeah, he was with Edgar. And who brought him? The guy. Doug Stangl. Doug Stangl brought him from Arizona. And everybody was just like.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Trying to be in his presence, his aura. You could soak it in. You could just see him. And I can't presence, his aura. You could soak it in. You could just see him. And I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not. But if I did, I think it was one of those things like, oh, I see things are going good or something like that. Just like, like we were from high school together.

Starting point is 00:08:56 Like you want this, it's never gonna be that. It's never gonna be like, the best was Dice one time, met some guy and he goes, oh, we should hang out. Just some fan. Dice like, you know how he is. and he goes, oh, we should hang out. He's just some fan. Dice's like, you know how he is, and he's like, sure, give me a number. And Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day, bothered him at work, to the point where the guy's like,

Starting point is 00:09:14 hey, Andrew, I'm working right now. I go, oh yeah, work's tough, you know? It's like, I had a couple jobs I had when I was younger. And he's like, Andrew, I gotta go back to work. The guy just regretted trying to be friends with him. Yeah, that's all I... It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens went back there,

Starting point is 00:09:32 and either didn't know or now that I realized, probably somebody told him. And he went back and was like, oh, you're not expecting to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp. And he goes, oh, and then I heard Depp had this way to offset, he goes, hi, I'm Johnny, how you doing? Or I'm John. Yeah. And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp. And he goes, Oh, and then I heard Depp had this way to offset. He goes, Hi, I'm Johnny. How you doing? Or I'm John. And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp. Yes. Heard of it.

Starting point is 00:09:52 He must've been like, this guy's been weird from front of me. Like, no, no, no. That's just who he is. He's going to hang himself soon. Don't worry about that. God. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. There's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something to say this, because your brain doesn't think, it's just like, oh, everything will go good. It's not like, well, if that doesn't get adhered to, then what are you going to do after that? Yeah, you plan ahead. Like, once that goes great, then what do I do from there?

Starting point is 00:10:14 I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll say, hey, I will, then I'll ask, yeah, maybe we can get a photo or something. Yeah, but God, it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good, because then you don't know what to do. Oh, it's so embarrassing. that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do. Oh, it's so embarrassing. It is harrowing kind of. And that was at a time when celebs, there was like a real hierarchy to celebrity.

Starting point is 00:10:32 Then I feel like celebrities gotten very, like anybody, like it's, everybody has like, social media, you know, everybody has a website. Everybody could be a star, you know. You also see the real them now, the real real celebrities. So you're like, oh you're just a guy. You do the same, you're like, oh I see you with your dog, you're fine, you're normal.

Starting point is 00:10:51 Yeah, things have gotten, yeah, celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm kind of. Yeah, I met Rob Lowe, who's one of those bigots at my travel podcast. And he was like, can I change? And the other one was like, yeah sure, it's filthy. I had some sleeping in there yesterday. So like but like yeah, whatever and then she was like, yeah I don't feel like cater to him. You're a guy fucking go in there and change. I don't know right

Starting point is 00:11:14 Yeah, nothing all they all are just it's weird realizing as you grow up. They're not different Yeah, do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed at the back like maybe it's changed Do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed? Like. Maybe it's changed. Maybe, but I mean, I always take out the fact that I'm getting older and growing up. That that could be part of the realization of things.

Starting point is 00:11:33 Yeah, somebody said like whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get like Matt Damon or Brad Pitt. That'll be a big, big star. But there's like no one under 28 worships that guy. Yeah. So like it's a 50 year old studio exec saying, that'll be a hell of a, I was like, no, no, get Timothy Chalamet.

Starting point is 00:11:48 Get somebody younger. Yeah, get Timothy Chalamet or get a lesbian who's a Timothy Chalamet impersonator. Yeah, without even trying. Yeah. But even that would go further with a young generation. Sure would. They'd be like, oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:01 They'd be like, what the fuck? Ari Shaffir, man, good to see you, bro. You too, buddy. Yeah, are you living in Austin now? No, New York. Oh, you still live in New York? Just publicly. Every time I'm there, there's so many fucking pictures.

Starting point is 00:12:12 So, everyone's like, I guess you must be there. Yeah. You can't do it two feet without somebody posting a picture. And they're pretty immediate over there, too. Yeah. Like the second you're there, you show up on social media. Yeah, you're like, it's almost like, hey, how's the crowd on about to go on? I noticed you were like, oh, all right, they're pretty good.

Starting point is 00:12:29 Are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin? What do you think about it? Do you? It's exciting. For sure, it's exciting. They got some shit to overcome if they want to be the real scene.

Starting point is 00:12:40 Yeah? Yeah, they need to know where they're weak. They don't. Oh, where they're weak, the comedians you mean? Yeah, there's a lot of ass-kissing there. It's like, we're great, we're great. And you really gotta focus on why we're terrible. Self-hating was always driving you better than celebration.

Starting point is 00:12:59 Oh, you know what, that's a good, I don't know if there's as much self-hatred there. Yeah, the store, especially when you started going there, like right after me, it was like no one was there. Like we suck. We fucking suck, it's obvious. No one's here to see us. So let's try to be better.

Starting point is 00:13:12 Yeah, they've kind of started out like doing well. Yeah. Kind of like the Jean Benet of comedy. Yeah, four year comics with like serious road draws. Like, oh, you need that fucking struggle time. You started with a spotter. That's not the best way to work out. I didn't even think about that.

Starting point is 00:13:28 Yeah, but it's still exciting. It's a new burgeoning scene, and that's pretty exciting. You know, there's no Hollywood there to fuck it up, to ship people away from what they're doing. So they're really just concentrating on jokes. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I've not, like at first I was like, what's this gonna be like? You know, it seemed like a lot like at first I was like, what's this going to be like?

Starting point is 00:13:45 You know, it seemed like a lot of like, um, you know, when Joe went, but then also Tom Segura went, which is huge. And a lot of comedians went like, I think the bigger thing is those five, six year comics that are going and in 10 years, it's looking along. It's a long game to make that scene something. And in 10 years, they're going to be the biggest, the best comics and they're going to be Austin comics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of the last time I was there,

Starting point is 00:14:07 I was like, you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted. And I was like, well that is. That part's nice. Yeah, that's nice. But do you ever, I mean, I don't know how you are normally, you're so fucking big now, it's pretty cool. But like, I talked with Shane too, I'm like,

Starting point is 00:14:22 can you go up and like get an honest rep anymore? Oh, that's a good question. Especially Shane, I feel like, can you go up and get an honest rep anymore? Oh, that's a good question. Especially Shane, I feel like, is the biggest guy in the world right now. Yeah. I feel like he's like, I don't even know who I would compare him to. He's like the big, he's like Dane Cook.

Starting point is 00:14:37 Yeah, at the time, when Dane was Dane. Shane and Dane. Shane and Dane, buddy cops, where they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead, and Dane. Shane and Dane. Buddy cops. Where they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead and Dane just goes, come on, don't drink, don't drink, don't drink. And Shane just keeps drinking. I know they never solve a crime.

Starting point is 00:14:52 Dane has a big idea and then Shane just. Seems gay. Raises his eyebrow at him. Or I won't. Seems gay. That's hilarious. I'd be the best. I'd be the best cop.

Starting point is 00:15:03 Nothing happens every single episode. Just sit there, kind of half argue. Yeah, you need an honest rep. There's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause and sometimes I go up and it's like, one guy's like that and I'm like, oh nice, okay, this is gonna be a real, I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time.

Starting point is 00:15:19 This is gonna be fair. Well I think a lot of the people from the podcast are that realm or whatever people that podcast, it's like a lot of the audiences know us. They just see us so much, you know? Going ahead of time, they already know your backstory. Yeah. They saw so many, I mean, they've seen so many clips or for you or things that are out there, you know? And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make. It's like other channels making shit. It's like, you know, like I know there's like Legion of Skanks

Starting point is 00:15:44 has like extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out. Yeah, yeah. And it's great stuff, but it's like, so then that just gets so much of it out there. Yeah, I remember doing one time, I was doing that Jew special, I would do Q&As, to like, what do you want to know about Jews?

Starting point is 00:15:57 And sometimes you'd be like, what's Theo von like? I'm like, no, no, no, no, just Jew questions. And then one time in Houston, I was like, all right, I'm gonna do this. They set some up Bird, I was like, Bird did that, whatever, and then Tom, and I was doing that, and then this black couple, this guy, just raising his hand,

Starting point is 00:16:13 I was like, yeah, question, he goes, who are all those people? And I was like, oh right, yeah, you don't know the backstory. I can't do shit like that. Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year. Yeah, they just figured out how to get online. Oh.

Starting point is 00:16:28 Yeah, they couldn't figure out the password. They keep changing their phone numbers too much. It's linked to an old phone number. That could be true, yeah. They're like, oh, this is my aunt's email account. Is this your address? Who's asking? Who's asking?

Starting point is 00:16:41 Yeah, some guy putting his home address for his email address. Disguises to enter into the password. Like, I don't know how it works. Anyway, they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for him. Now it's all running great. I am curious about Austin. I'm curious because last time I was there, just his energy.

Starting point is 00:16:59 There is a lot of excitement. The club will be sold out. I mean, Joe's club will be sold out forever. So you sold out in seconds. Yeah, but even you go to some of those other rooms, you go to Red Band's room next door, you go to, there's the Black Cat or something. Uh-huh, Black Rabbit?

Starting point is 00:17:12 Yeah, Black Rabbit. My problem is also, I can't get any on it. I'm a star there. Yeah. So that's not, it's fun. It was like, remember the Laugh Factory open mic? Yes. So Laugh Factory open mic.

Starting point is 00:17:24 Signing up for it and sitting outside. You can only do once a month, and that's what kept you in comedy. Because you're like, I will kill. And the store open mic made you think about quitting. But it was so good. You need that once in a while. It's just a victory lap.

Starting point is 00:17:37 That's how Austin is for me. No matter where I go, I'm just like, yes! And I'm like, all right, I can't work on anything here. It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long, you've just been so intertwined with a lot of those guys, and because you've done so much work yourself. But for new comics, you can get that honest rep there,

Starting point is 00:17:52 and that's what's exciting to me. And I think Joe also, he's trying to build a scene, not just a club. Yeah, I think he's doing it. I mean, he pushes, at the end of every episode, he asks everybody, he's like, so, moving Austin? Oh yeah, he tries so hard., you moving to Austin? Oh yeah. He tries so hard.

Starting point is 00:18:06 He really does it. Yeah. He tries so hard. I try to tell them the reasons why, they don't make sense to him. I'm like, it's like an influencer town. He's like, no, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile.

Starting point is 00:18:17 You know, it's like, okay, that's not gonna be my reality, bud. Yeah. Yeah, he's had people just shooting on it tablets. No, it's close. They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back. It's easy, man.

Starting point is 00:18:28 But it's such a fun time. It is fun. Oh my God, it's a vacation every time you go there. You're treated right, you fill up your own drinks. That's how every club should be. I'm an adult, I get free drinks. Why do I gotta borrow this bartender? Let me just make my drinks.

Starting point is 00:18:41 And people are like, doesn't he lose a lot of money? They're like, a bottle of, it costs $60. Right. No. Like, yeah that if that's that much of the stress then it's you guys are having a tough time anyway yeah yeah I make some money you see your friends with nothing to do when you're there getting to be in there um you also you people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day oh yeah is gonna be at the club that night. There's some congresspersons there.

Starting point is 00:19:07 Hello, anyway, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes. Do you wanna stay in for this or? It's on you. He's like, I wrote a couple myself. Yeah. We're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a chick. You're like, oh, I'm sorry, your honor. Maybe we'll leave.

Starting point is 00:19:24 But he does feel energetic there. I'm seriously considering trying to get a little house there some place where I can be there more often. Because I want to be able to work on comedy more. I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here actually. Interesting. If it's not a show that I put on.

Starting point is 00:19:39 Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. Then you get up. Because I feel like LA like. At least some rep. Some like that, I might know ya, but maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theo Von. So you gotta win me over a little bit. Yeah, or maybe I'm not a fan at all.

Starting point is 00:19:53 Right, maybe I don't like you. So win me over, the best was one time when Louie came back, we saw security footage camera. Some chick was there in the side, so we could see her fully behind Louie. And she was like, just like mad. And then four minutes in, it's Louis CK, right? So he's, the talent there is undeniable.

Starting point is 00:20:11 So she's mad, after about four minutes she goes, and then five minutes later she's like, and then by the end she's just dying laughing. She's like, yeah, maybe this guy's all right. Yeah. At the end she's like, jerk off in front of me. You can do it. Don't ask. I'm not into that. She's like, yeah, maybe this guy's all right. Yeah. At the end, she's like, jerk off in front of me. You can do it.

Starting point is 00:20:26 Don't ask. Yeah, I'm not into that. She's changing her whole mo. Yeah. Dude, I really think, yeah, who, I think Louis, Bill Burr, probably the funny, they might be, Louis is the funniest guy I've ever seen, the funniest person I've ever spoken to.

Starting point is 00:20:46 He's the most creative I think. He's always just making jokes and you put him on a pedestal sometimes but he's not, he's just a schmuck. He's just a schmendrick, a fat blob. And like whatever we put on, that's us putting stuff on. He's just a dude.

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Starting point is 00:24:48 you're suiting up for work or heading out for a night on the town or just having a relaxing evening at home, Manscaped has everything you need to look and feel your best. Your face will thank you and so will everyone else. You have a new, you have a, I wanna make sure we bring up, you have a new comedy special coming out. Yeah, it's out. It's out now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it just came out, America's Sweetheart.

Starting point is 00:25:10 Nice, oh, and that's you? It's me, it's me. Wow. So, things have changed. That's right. In America for sure. I'm the nice guy. Hey, we'll take what we can get, you know?

Starting point is 00:25:21 Like, is nobody nicer? Like, nah. Do you find as you, as you've been, cuz you've been in comedy for how long 25 years? right It's a long fucking time It's more than half That's I've been more in comedy than not in comedy. I think I just passed that Do you do you feel like in the beginning you were just telling jokes like there was a?

Starting point is 00:25:44 And now that there's any more purpose I just wonder like I try to look at like do we evolve as comedians because you hear some people say we evolve right? Yeah, you hear some people say their whole goal their whole life is just to get up the punchline Some people want to start being philosophical right do you feel any difference or notice anything about? That for yourself. Yeah, I think it's everybody. It's not even like you do this thing, it might even take off or not take off, but then you're like, well, I'm a different person.

Starting point is 00:26:09 Like Sturgill, you know Sturgill Simpson? So he's singing about DMT and Mushroom and stuff, and then the later album is about his kids and stuff. And they're like, what about the drugs? And he's like, I mean, I covered it. I'm in my 40s now. It's kind of gross to be talking about, can you believe I got so whacked out?

Starting point is 00:26:24 It's kind of lame at some point, so you have to shift. And the better you get, too, you talk to a tail who, I think, but definitely could be the best. It's a good point. And you see him, dude, that joke was so funny. He goes, it was a simple switch.

Starting point is 00:26:37 And he's on such a higher level that stuff, I've been around for a while that I'm like, wow. He's like, that was a nothing thing. That was an easy trick I just did. And he's so far above me, I can't see it. So yeah, everybody evolves a bit. I've started using my English degree more. Really?

Starting point is 00:26:54 Yeah, doing pretty much my last two specials. Like a fellow or something? No, like the five paragraph essay. Like having a real plan to it? Yeah, just like here's my thesis, here's my proofs, now here's a wrap-up instead of just a collection of bits. But you know, once you get pretty good at joke-telling, then it's like, what do I wanna do on top of that?

Starting point is 00:27:17 Right. So that's what I'm doing with this, I'm trying to get people off the news. Yeah, is that what it's about more? Yeah, I'm sort of like, things are pretty good. If you're on there too much, they're gonna think it's bad, but it's about more? Yeah, I'm sort of like, just get the things are pretty good. If you if you're on there too much They're gonna think it's bad, but it's actually Pretty fucking good. Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Harry Mandel

Starting point is 00:27:31 He was talking about anti-reuse. I don't think you guys talking about anti-semitism somebody was yeah And then how come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear? That's a good question. Yeah. Yeah Programming you've come in contact with one more than another And he... He was so sure that it's a horrible time for Jews. Yeah. And I'm so positive it's not. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:53 Yeah, I remember he, there was one time he was, oh, I think it was when Trump was running for office, and nobody could understand how I like, I was excited that Trump was running, because he was a, I was like, if that fucking dude can win then anybody could win They had the way Obama gave black people hope. Yeah, he gives Trump gives regular people hope Oh, dude, the first time that he won

Starting point is 00:28:13 I remember dropping on the street and I've never even been a big Trump or I've never endorsed Trump I don't think I voted for him the first time. I don't remember how I voted for him the first time but I Was like fucking anybody can win. And like if you're born with a billion dollars, like yeah, but you also say stupid, and I'm stupid. So that's the part I'll relate to. Right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:34 You're like, anybody could win. That's the part that was fascinating about it. But I remember how scared it was like, oh, no, when they had that Richmond neo-Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago? Oh yeah. What was that? It was like those guys that bought those Tiki torches Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago? Oh yeah. What was that, it was like those guys that bought those tiki torches or whatever?

Starting point is 00:28:48 Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond. Charlottesville. Charlottesville. Charlottesville. Yeah. And I was like. There was a statue, you know who the statue was there? No one does. Nobody knows who the fucking statue was. And it was a flashpoint of everything.

Starting point is 00:29:01 Was it Stephen Douglas? Were the symbols of the city's Confederate past. They don't even know who it is. They're all protesting. They don't even know where the fucking statue is. Totally normal. Oh, it was Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. Two of them.

Starting point is 00:29:16 Now that's New Orleans, isn't it? That's Charlottesville? Yeah, that's Charlottesville. Oh yeah. There's a school nearby me called Robert E. Lee Junior High School. I wonder if it's still called that. Probably changed it. Probably changed it. changed erasing history to Bobby Lee's

Starting point is 00:29:27 Yeah Bob Lee College of Dropouts Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school named after you gotta you still look kind of like you're in one You could go undercover Bob. Just shave that stupid stash. You're gonna cover you look young. Oh, yeah We're just insane teriyaki lunches every day Yeah, just these giant meals. You're gonna eat with Bobby's just like fills up a table and you're like, oh this for us Oh, no, you can order too Bobby's like Ralphie May he's a principal he shows up once a year

Starting point is 00:29:59 over zoom You know what I saw the other day. Oh, I was talking to my I You know what I saw the other day? Oh, I was talking to my, I was talking to this kid and he didn't know what AIDS was, dude. What? Yeah. He doesn't know what AIDS is.

Starting point is 00:30:12 I was like, kid, I was like. You trying to educate him? I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but. I was like, dude, what about AIDS? And he's like, AIDS. And I was like, AIDS, you know? One of the top three things. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's like, but where is it?

Starting point is 00:30:26 Like, if kids don't even know about AIDS, man. It's gone. But that's crazy. You gotta talk to gays, bro. I talked to Mateo. Because you can't get it, we got a force field now. Oh, they do? PrEP.

Starting point is 00:30:38 Oh, PrEP drugs. Yeah, PrEP, so it's like, they just can't get it. So it's back to 80s. Let's fuck, let's be gay the way gay was meant to be. Yeah. Let's fuck in the back of the church. Let's fuck anywhere gays are. They'll fuck anywhere, huh?

Starting point is 00:30:57 They just go for it. That's crazy, isn't it? Imagine just. I think I tried to jerk me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam. You did? And the guy was gay? I... I don't fucking know what their... I don't know what their culture is.

Starting point is 00:31:17 That's a big sign usually. Dude, they're starving over there. That guy could have been ordering soup. They're starving over there. I could have been ordering soup In soup Jewish people love it I'm listening. It's a little cold. I'll eat half and send it back, but I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back Hold on almost done. Yeah, there's a hair hair. It's the biggest problem, Jews going bald, they can't send soup back. Sorry, Howie, you're right.

Starting point is 00:31:53 That's hilarious, dude. That's fucking hilarious. What are we talking about, Jesus Christ? Is this what the president said? Oh, the AIDS, no, the AIDS. Yeah, I miss it. It was like a real thing, United people. United Nation AIDS.

Starting point is 00:32:13 I remember, yeah, they were like at a school or whatever they made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was, it was like something, like some thing they had at our school, it was like clap for AIDS or whatever. I was like, clap for it? People, you would clap, it was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for AIDS,

Starting point is 00:32:30 like one of those things, like do it as long as you can, like AIDS-a-thon or whatever. Okay. And it was like, I just remember being in this gym and people just, it was like somebody had to keep clapping, so you had to tag in somebody else to clap, and then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Wow, turns out they never got the cure. They just got a, went with your vaccine. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, mates, mates. Dude, that's not funny. But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name, AYDS. I was overweight, look too.

Starting point is 00:33:03 Helped me lose 46 pounds. The AIDS diet plan helped me lose 28 pounds. product name AYDS. 18 pounds and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous. Question. Why take diet pills when you can enjoy AIDS AIDS helps you lose weight without making it crazy. Enjoy AIDS and people are like, where did AIDS start? Form. That's why I mean that that's what's that new drug that makes you lose weight. Oh, it was Zempic. That's that. They just rebranded. Zima did it. They went to Truly and White Claw. They were smart.

Starting point is 00:33:49 Oh, they did, huh? I forgot Zima was just an early White Claw. Zima gives me, what happened there gives me hope for society because you're within a 10, 15 year age of me, you remember Zima. Oh, yeah. And it was like, it's like there's a cooler stuff and you reach for a Zima, people are like,

Starting point is 00:34:06 you sure you wanna do that in front of people? You're gonna be called gay for a long time. And you're like, okay, I won't. We went away and then Truly or White Club, whichever the person came back, and we all kinda made a deal, like let's not call each other gay, let's just drink this.

Starting point is 00:34:18 And we all were cool about it. And just fucking shut up. Yeah, yeah. If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this. We can do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution Zima was kind of Zima was one of a kind because it had the bottles and it kind of was a malt liquor You've you kind of had it and a malt liquor idea to it, but it was was it lemon flavored

Starting point is 00:34:42 Yeah, a touch of citrus look at the Jolly Ranchers nearby it yeah put a Jolly Rancher out can you still buy Zima's is the IP still available you can't find Zima anywhere else though it is sold in Japan I'm going to Japan are you I mean now it's a weird reason to go I got a lot of unique stuff over there yeah what I see the other day in China there was a did you see this Jackson It's a weird reason to go. They got a lot of unique stuff over there. Yeah. Oh, what did I see the other day? In China, there was a, did you see this Jackson Hole, the city in China that they built?

Starting point is 00:35:12 Jackson Hole, they built, when I was there they just built a city. Really? Suzhou wanted to build a district, so they just like do it. No bureaucracy, make it happen. Just build it. It was up in six months, 20 skyscrapers.

Starting point is 00:35:25 No waiting, no codes. Look at this place. This guy built, I visited China, it's $170 million little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole. Wow, that's just, that's the Burbs. Yeah, so it made of Jackson, it just looks like America, this guy went to visit it.

Starting point is 00:35:47 Those drawers for him the sleep in. And everything in it is. Wyoming. Yeah. What? Who does this? How can you do this? That's wild.

Starting point is 00:35:59 They built a few of these. How big is that town? Who's building it? China. Who's, what are you, just to bring new people in? Old churches? I think rich people it looks like.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Yeah, what is it, can you give me some information on it? So you can live in China but be in America? Yeah, something like that. Be in America. Property taxes. Oh my God. Jacksonville, China is a resort town on the border between Hua Lai County, Zhangjiao Gao,

Starting point is 00:36:26 wedged between Tai Hong and Yan Mountain ranges. And architecture is designed by the Jackson, Wyoming. Is there ski in there? I don't know, let us see some of that information. Cowboy bar. The thousand single home development used stock Western home plans from an architect in Oregon. Adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo, Stagecoast Station, Big Bear, etc.

Starting point is 00:36:57 Cowhide, antler chandelier, saddle blankets, all this stuff. Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene fireplace screens. This is a whole place that's there. The project was completed in 2009. Lu Yang Yang, the developer Yang of the community said his selling point was more than architecture. His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality, so he built a Christian church in the center of the community for residents. According to Smith, the properties have sold out

Starting point is 00:37:21 and nearly tripled in value since being built as the first model was put up in Beijing Park for display People apparently went nuts for it. I should have invested in Chinese Chinese real estate Damn, I invested in palisades Wow, that's pretty cool. Yeah replica town. That's like Saudi shit just interesting and they did they have a few of them. I think there's Saudi shit. Just interesting. And they have a few of them.

Starting point is 00:37:42 I think there's China's. Made to be like Venice, the canals? Yep, replicas of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Just interesting. What? Wait, wait, wait, up, right there. Hold on. That's in China?

Starting point is 00:37:55 They have an Eiffel Tower in China? Oh yeah, they do it all. Because they're like, we have so much land. We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction. Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere? Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast.

Starting point is 00:38:10 And it's in China. You see all the cities on the right side of it. And then as it goes left, there's just nothing. There's an occasional dot of a city. And I'm like, what's all of this? I think I should have looked it up by now. What's out there? Yeah, like what the fuck this what's in central China

Starting point is 00:38:26 It's a good question. There's just no reports from there. Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back? What's in central China? I saw some Korean people yesterday So they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off Is that what they do? Yeah, they do they don't understand though like we get off first then you get on Oh, they get off first. They just get on. They just push on. Elevators too. Like let me get out first.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Oh, they say it's up to you. Yeah, it's like you didn't go for it. What else is cracking, man? It's cracking in the world. Yeah, what do you think of everything? What makes you hopeful? Well, I get some negativity. What makes you hopeful?

Starting point is 00:39:02 Do you think things are feeling negative right now? It seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be yeah So if you center on something that's like why like this new Austin seems pretty cool We never had a third real scene and that's a good point. Yeah, that's nice And at first I didn't think I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete But as I've gone back, I feel like me it is I don't think it has to compete That's the problem too you get into that where it's like, I come to LA, I spent a little time hating it, the way I hated religion for a while when I left,

Starting point is 00:39:28 and now I'm like, it's cool. And I get back to LA, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm gonna get some burritos, gonna see some friends, this is great. Yeah, it's just a great new extra thing. You know? Yeah. It's not like which one's better.

Starting point is 00:39:39 It's like, well, you don't have to live there. Yeah, he's always like, you gotta move here. Yeah. Chill. But it is cool Yeah. Chillin' boy. But it is cool though. The bars are cool. The honky-tonks away from where he built that club is still cool.

Starting point is 00:39:51 Yeah, 6th Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another. It always was. And then they put horses, there's a horse comes by every 40 minutes and just shits everywhere. Just shits, like, let's add this to the mix. Let's up it now.

Starting point is 00:40:04 You know all this violence and people are ready to go minutes and just shit. Just shit. So let's add this to the mix. Let's add it. Let's up it now. You know, all this violence and like people are ready to go and barf and puke and like and drunkenness. Let's add horse shit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion. Yeah, there's just occasionally people just horses shitting out there. And one of the horses they said was an undercover cop. I'm like, gives a fuck? I'm like, who's gonna let a horse bust him? Who goes up to a horse like, you wanna smoke with me?

Starting point is 00:40:33 He's like, you're under arrest. Look at this chick, look at, don't move. What the fuck are you wearing, lady? God. Have some class. When the skirt's so short, lady? God. Have some class. When the skirt's so short, I can smell your thoughts, you know? I remember going there before, it got like kind of methy.

Starting point is 00:40:52 And I saw some UT guys walking along, just, you know, it's like who we used to hang with tangentially. Just like tough frat guys. And they passed some chick, overweight chick, and she goes, they're drunk, and she goes, you're fat! And I was like, ugh, dude, ugh. That's how it always was.

Starting point is 00:41:11 That's Sixth Street, no one in Austin goes to Sixth Street. Yeah. Once a year for a lark. Nobody real goes there. Nobody who wants to go do something fun. At least Broadway in Nashville is based on something. It's based on the old honky tonk area. There's only one or two left, but it's based on something.

Starting point is 00:41:30 So it comes from a place, 6th Street in Austin. It's just based on nothing. It's got a darkness to it. Yeah, it definitely seems kind of spooky out there. It seems like people that are just there to get drunk. It kind of has more of a Bourbon Street kind of vibe to me. Ooh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, and also you're in this beautiful place

Starting point is 00:41:48 at Rogan's Club and you're like, ah, ah, it's like a casino, no lights, no anything. So you're like, ah, ah, I'll see you guys later. Ah, what? Then a rickshaw comes by. Guys like, you guys wanna get in? It's only $50 for some AIDS and you're like, whoa. We just wanna go two blocks. He'll be be like I'll get you AIDS by then.

Starting point is 00:42:08 I'll get you for sure. I can park some AIDS for you out here. What's this from? That's an Aztec death whistle. The coroner we had on Toby gave it to us. If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death. That's just a warning.

Starting point is 00:42:23 Wow, it sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life. Keep screaming. No one's here. Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie when it happened. Really? But I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did.

Starting point is 00:42:41 That's why she sounded. Oh, the darkness. Gabby, rest in peace. The darkness continues. Do you think there will ever be, I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not, and I believe that kids, right now they're 15 and under,

Starting point is 00:42:56 they're gonna live forever. Forever. Like they'll have a chance to live forever. Ooh, like they might get the drug. Yeah, but there's gonna be this weird thing where there's gonna be like. Hey, can I get it? Like, nah, you get the drug. Yeah. But there's gonna be this weird thing where there's gonna be like. Hey, can I get it? Like, nah, you're too old.

Starting point is 00:43:08 Yeah. So like, am I just gonna age out? Like, yeah, it's been nice knowing you. I'll keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're gonna get old. Yeah, but they're gonna be like, oh, you're gonna die. People are gonna be like, dude, your dad died? What a fucking loser.

Starting point is 00:43:22 Was he poor? Yeah. Oh man, you guys must have been so poor your dad died of natural causes That's so retro. Oh Here's my personal dad Loser you should have worked harder, bro That's what that's what's gonna happen I think there's gonna be a cutoff and the government will probably say this is the cutoff there will be some bad drugs that will

Starting point is 00:43:48 Come out of people trying to like get the actual drug Yes, some knockoffs or to be a chip or something that you get and then slow down all Aging in your cell at the cellular level. I'm in let's do it But then there's gonna be so many people who are not and there's gonna be less jobs probably so it's gonna be it's gonna turn Very dystopian. Would you take it if they had it right now? It's been tested. It's safe. Here are the options. Take it right now, wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out or not take it.

Starting point is 00:44:18 So you have to pick really, I can give you one week to decide. Yeah. And, or what, well, this won't be for you as much, but for me, it may be for you too. It's like you can either take this Live Forever drug, or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair, back to Mohawk, back to whatever thing I always wanted. I might go with the hair. So hair now or live forever?

Starting point is 00:44:39 Yeah, because then I gotta live forever with that. I think bald's cool now, Baldr. Yeah, because then I gotta live forever with that. I think bald's cool now, Baldur. I mean, spread it. You've got influence, spread that. A lot of people are being bald and loving it now. Really? There's bald women, I saw a bunch of bald.

Starting point is 00:44:58 Fat people will love it too. Really? Yeah, and we know their line of themselves. Is that a bigger thing, being bald? Yeah, big and beautiful or? Big and bald. It's their line of themselves. Is that a bigger thing being bald? Yeah big and beautiful or Big and bald. There's like bald and tall. Is that a shop bald and tall big and big and tall big and tall dude I told it tall Bald and tall is a crazy look burn yourself in the Sun too much

Starting point is 00:45:19 Bald and tall is a crazy look. Yeah, um Yeah, Kanye's back on Twitter right there. It says, God, Hollywood sucks. Jada Pinkett Smith, Kanye is the most out of control person I know. What's the point of that post? Yeah, why did she start that? Why are you looking to be in this?

Starting point is 00:45:36 Because you're not a center of attention for a second? And then he went right back at her. Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair. He hit her where it hurt. Yeah. Damn. Nice, nice, nice. That's kind of a bad point. Yeah, it was all right, Rapunzel let down your hair. He hit her where it hurt. Yeah, nice, nice. Damn. That's kind of a bad word. Yeah, it was all right, but I heard it just enough.

Starting point is 00:45:48 Thank you. It was like something. Well, it's a little thing. You got nothing and it deserves something. Thank you. So there's something. This is very sweet of you. Little things that keep us alive.

Starting point is 00:45:58 Yeah, what do you think about Kanye being back on Twitter? Oh, you try to use your song, right, for the intro to your new special. Yeah, I had this whole big piece about how great he is. That's another thing focus on the positive That's the whole message. It's like and then like everyone's like Kanye's crazy. I'm like he rules the music Yeah, just the music. What is she writing about anything other than music? Right to come at Kanye. It was like if you're going if you're trying to get other stuff out of him He probably shouldn't be your liaison to like anything except maybe creativity and music.

Starting point is 00:46:29 Yeah, exactly. It's like going to Burt Kreischer Weight Loss Tips. Yeah. Like, it's like. Or coming to Comedians for political ideas. Oh yeah, that's another one. I heard Song Chor said this about the fires. What, they're not firemen?

Starting point is 00:46:40 What the fuck? They're just, they're just like at a bar talking. Yeah. It's crazy. I know. You go to Kanye for anything other than music, you're nuts. Because he's not just okay at the music part. He's great at it. So I tried to get one of his songs,

Starting point is 00:46:53 Black Skinhead, for my credits. I was going up to it the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot. And Christine Okerson, big J's chick, was like, hey, I know he's popping off, whatever. Have you heard Black Skinhead? And I was like, no. And I was like, oh my god,

Starting point is 00:47:08 his anti-sensors have got me into this song. And I played it the whole fucking tour. And I was like, let me try to get this for the credits. And I wrote them. I was like, listen, I can't afford it, right? So I'm like, hey, I'm appealing to them creatively. And I was like, hey, I had this whole big piece about how Kanye's really great

Starting point is 00:47:23 and how people have lost focus on what's important. And I wanna close with a song, with Black Skinhead, whole big piece of how Kanye's really great and how people have lost focus on what's important and I wanna close with a song, with Black Skin, it was one of his most killer songs. And I think kind of an underrated song, to be honest. And they go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye. He goes by Ye now. And it's like, yeah, fuck.

Starting point is 00:47:39 I'm never gonna build it. His whole staff is crazy too. It's like, yeah, just the fact that that was their first reply, you're like, screw. Oh, I got no chance. I have no chance. Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like. Well, I mean, a lot of his.

Starting point is 00:47:53 I think his mom died, give him some sympathy. Yeah. What? His girlfriend is, his wife is beautiful. Is that a photo shot? What? She wears like a lot of skin tight suits, that lady. Skin tight, but like like make it a color.

Starting point is 00:48:06 Bianca Sensori, I believe is her name. Possibly Italian, I'm not sure. She's like unveiling herself. She's a piece of art to him. Might be. I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if you can wear that little underneath? I don't know, dude.

Starting point is 00:48:19 Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter. God, I gotta get out more. Jugs. Jugs. There's a moon shine in a lighter. God, I gotta get out more. Jugs. Jugs. There's a moonshine in that. My God. Dude, some babies are like. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:48:31 I would slurp if I were her kid. So he just keeps fucking chicks that look like Kim? I guess so, it's a good question. I mean, you gotta type. I know guys that only date Asian chicks. I can't say slurp. That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude. Is that his wife? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. God. Try it. I can't say slurp. That's his wife. Isn't it? That was pretty rude Is it his wife? Yeah. I'm sorry

Starting point is 00:48:47 Yeah, try it again, but use a different word other than slurp. I Would she's a beautiful lady Obviously she's in the show on her body off though. She's got some really like if I'm not gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off.

Starting point is 00:49:09 I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off.

Starting point is 00:49:15 I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off.

Starting point is 00:49:22 I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. I'm gonna show it off. when you are a baby, huh? God, it really does. Underrated part about being a baby. Yeah. Yeah, if you're a baby and you put the baby down between, and it's a breastfeeding baby, between that chick and like, I don't even know who, Karen Fiehan. Who do you think that chick is, that baby's gonna go right for that fucking chick?

Starting point is 00:49:36 Big fucking lot of food. Oh yeah, makes sense. Did you, you think you'll have any children already? What do you think? No, I had a vasectomy. You did? Yeah. No way. Yeah, I had a vasectomy. You did? Yeah. No way.

Starting point is 00:49:47 Yeah, I was taking chances. You weren't. I was taking too many chances. So you were actually trying to have a child? No. What? Sorry, what are you saying then? No, I was just pulling out late.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Oh, you were? Yeah. I don't understand how people do that. Like how do you, I know a lot of black guys like to just do the nut or whatever. The nut is great. I know why they want it. The nut's great.

Starting point is 00:50:11 Yeah, but it's also great outside of it. It's less great. Is it? What do you mean is it? Shut up. I've never done it. What? Yeah. I've never ejaculated inside of a woman.

Starting point is 00:50:24 Theo, then you haven't lived. what it's all this is a facade buddy We had done it no, but I mean this all this is like a fucking you're just like buying time So you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pieed really you got a nut inside, buddy What do you mean? You've never done it? What do you mean? You've never cream pieed inside of a woman? I never have in my life, I swear to God. You fucked though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, what?

Starting point is 00:50:48 Oh yeah. What, what? But every time I do the... What if she's like, I'm on the pill? Oh, that's, I don't, I barely know her. So, I'm not believing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how many chicks I fucked that said

Starting point is 00:51:03 they couldn't get pregnant, but I later found out, got pregnant from somebody. Really? And I was like,. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, wait, you said, I was blowing loads in you. And they're like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what? Oh, you were there just like,

Starting point is 00:51:13 like one of the Ghostbusters just throwing ectoplasm in there. Yeah, just going in the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man. Oh, but, well, let me recommend something to you. I'm gonna end up being a father. People are always getting,

Starting point is 00:51:31 I don't wanna be in a lawsuit or something. Find some old chick. Find some post-menopausal chick. Get to me more. I wanna get a regular wife that likes to. The last of the golden girls died, it's too late for that. Estelle Getty?

Starting point is 00:51:44 No. Maybe, Estelle Getty? No. Maybe, Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name? I'm not sure. Who was the last? Betty White? Betty White.

Starting point is 00:51:51 Estelle Getty was so. She was old when it started. Right, she was the looker. Ruma Clannahan was the one that everybody, my dad kind of had hots for. The youngest of, the slutty one. Yeah, Blanche, Devereux, God. What a great series.

Starting point is 00:52:03 Hot Take, Golden Girls is just Sex and the City. They're both written by gay men about gay culture and this one they made old women play it and the other one they made fucking horse face the chicks play it. Do you think they will cure, do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked or something that we can cure it or that would be

Starting point is 00:52:27 hacked, you know, that they'll be able to hack the genetics. So if, if you were a scientist working on the cure for, for gay and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently. Oh, that's probably, yeah, they're probably like, we're not paying. We don't want it anymore. You don't think? There's a small segment of the population like we gotta cure this.

Starting point is 00:52:49 Everyone else is just like, who cares? Oh, I think most people are like, who cares? But I just mean, maybe cure is not the right word, right? Do you think that they'll ever? Vaccine. Vaccine, yeah. So you won't ever get it in the first place. Right, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:01 Get a kid when he's two. Didn't they say vaccines made kids gay? Wasn't that a rumor for a while? I don't know, we're gonna find out soon if Bobby Kennedy gets in there. Yeah. So wild. Say no gay kids after a while, like, I ended vaccines.

Starting point is 00:53:14 Who knows? So all the stuff he says, people are like, that's ridiculous, I'm like, really? I don't even know what the words he's using. Yeah. It seems, he's smarter than me, I don't know shit. I don't even know the Earth is round. The latest.

Starting point is 00:53:24 I'm just guessing. The latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by a QAnon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans. Wow, I didn't know that. And that's a false allegation that COVID-19. Yeah, I mean, that's, a lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay though.

Starting point is 00:53:41 Do you notice that? Like if you talk to like a- They're post gender. Is it? Yeah, they don't care, the man can wear a dress, like you cross that? Like if you talk to like a... They're post gender. Is it? Yeah, they don't care, the man can wear a dress, like you cross dressing, they're like, what? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude. You'd be ostracized.

Starting point is 00:53:53 Now you, like, there's no gay color. That's where past that, so those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah, so, yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those terms. Yeah, so yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like oh

Starting point is 00:54:08 Dude, we're not even use those terms. Yeah, you're from a different universe That's why you go to the bushwick or something and you're like, oh, this is the cutting-edge kids There was um I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there in there the parks and stuff and we're selling sex and stuff like that Have you seen any of that over there? Hookers in Bushwick. Yeah in the parks over there Selling their bodies. Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there. Hookers in Bushwick? Yeah, in the parks over there. Selling their bodies? Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there. I mean, Haitian, that's not who you'd want.

Starting point is 00:54:34 I mean, who you want is you want, I guess it's the, I don't know what the pace, the rate is. So it's just a bunch of dark black, very thin hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that. Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there in some of the parks. Haitian hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that. Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there

Starting point is 00:54:47 in some of the parks. Haitian hookering. I think they said Haitian. I'm gonna have to ask them. You know what there is though, for real, for real? Casual hooking. Really? Like, chicks who do it like three times a year. Housewives.

Starting point is 00:54:58 Regular chicks who are like, for a little extra cash, I'll hook them. What do you mean? I mean like, oh your friend seems cute. And it's like, hey, my friend's cute, she likes you, would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks? And you're like, oh, no. In New York? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:13 Regular chicks just occasionally like, yeah I'll fuck for money. The guy seems cool. They're not gonna like on the street taking all callers. Right. But like occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber. Do they tell the husband?

Starting point is 00:55:24 I don't think so. Possibly. I don't know everybody's situation. Would you, is there's a thing where people let... Do you think the Obamas are still together for real? That's a great question. You think the Clintons are? No. No, right? So it's a possibility that there are such things as sham marriages.

Starting point is 00:55:41 Yeah, for sure. I wonder. She didn't show up to the Carter inaugur...the wonder. She didn't show up to the funeral. She didn't show up to the inauguration. I could see like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this. Yeah. I just wanted a ball. Yeah, I just wanted to dunk on these bitches.

Starting point is 00:55:54 Yeah, that's it. Yeah. That could be it, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I wonder, it's a good question. That whole inauguration thing was just such a game. You went. Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there. What did you think? That's not you? Oh, not at all

Starting point is 00:56:08 You're going there the way I go to comic-con. Yeah, I'll just stare at everybody What spider-man? Oh, I was like I should not be here. You should not be there That's how I felt at least you're not doing the endorsing thing. Yeah, that a lot of comics doing I thought we're supposed to just make fun of everyone. Did you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing? Endorsing? Who's endorsing? What the fuck are you talking about? You have a literal sports team you root for.

Starting point is 00:56:33 You don't endorse Tottenham. Yeah. Like it was so wild. But all right, he's in Power now, so let's see everybody go after him. Well, I think a lot of people were... Endorsing. Just make fun of all of them.

Starting point is 00:56:46 Yeah. It seemed weird. Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like it's been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff. You start to worry about, like a lot of these social media companies, limiting speech, limiting what's possible. It affects me for sure.

Starting point is 00:57:01 Yeah? For sure. So if somebody's like, hey, I want to do this, I'm like, great, I love it. You know, I also love when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic. It got everybody really partying in New York, love that. Do you worry about, yeah, but I'm not gonna get involved

Starting point is 00:57:13 in getting it there. But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, well, I'll have everybody on. I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast, the travel one, we just talked about travel.

Starting point is 00:57:24 People are like, why didn't you call him on his shit? I'm like, was he lying about the UAE? That's all I care about, the travel part. I don't want to get involved in this. But so I get that part of it. Somebody seems interesting. A former president, I'll have him on a podcast. Oh, in a heartbeat, yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:38 People gave me grief for going to the inauguration. I was like, dude, you don't think I'm gonna. But if you got invited to the, I don't know, Bush inauguration or the Obama one or the Reagan one, you would've gone. Yeah, I would've gone. It's like, oh, I'm not political. I got invited to the presidential inauguration.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Yeah, it's like, how am I not gonna go to inauguration? I have no idea. What if it's not even real and there's video, they're just, it's the moon landing. Who knows? So I went and at least saw, like, okay. So what was that right, what was that right doing? Did it feel like powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates?

Starting point is 00:58:09 Or was it just like the Oscars were they're all like glad-hitting each other and celebrating success I guess I didn't get to be a dare long enough. Was there food? There was the at the ball. The food wasn't got no it was not good That fucking broke my heart. What do you mean? Tony was there, he's like, we did it. And I'm like, the food isn't good, Tony. We didn't, we still have room.

Starting point is 00:58:32 What do you mean the food wasn't good? It wasn't that good, and they only had like 30 chairs in this whole ballroom, and there was probably 1500 people in there. 30 chairs, that's like my house. I have four chairs and I have eight people over, and it's like, we're sitting on, we're sitting on Amazon boxes.

Starting point is 00:58:46 That was the most hectic part. But yeah, just to be there, to be in Washington, D.C., to see that happen for sure. I was like, fuck you, I'm going. I would never be weird. I would never think it was weird if anybody went. Is that you there? No, but pull those people back up.

Starting point is 00:58:57 So this was the part that was fascinating to me. These were, this was. These are the guys deciding our fates. Who's the brown in the middle? This is the ology right here. Sundar Pichai from Google. So he owns Google? So these guys all decide how we think about the world.

Starting point is 00:59:13 These one, two, three, one guy, the chick I'm assuming is clean. He's his girlfriend. The other one, yeah. There's Zuckerberg. Yeah, Zuckerberg's the most evil of all of them. You think? Yeah, because I think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were

Starting point is 00:59:27 doing. And then when they found out, so there's no problem. They're just giving cigarettes. They didn't know what caused cancer. Then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that shit. Right. Zuckerberg at first like, I don't know. I just, I'm too autistic to have interactions. So I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye. And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people. But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off her uncle's and he goes yeah Keep pushing it. I think it should be up

Starting point is 00:59:52 I think it should at least be take his company taken away from him and and it should be shut down Facebook and Instagram should be shut down push the button. Well, it's like it's not making our society better Well, I agree with that but say I'll say that kind of thing people be like well a government can't decide What can what can and can't make their society better, right? I think they can I? Think that it might be abuse but at some point is like this is too much bad Right. Well, I feel the same way about porn about porn channels, you know, yeah, like let's have some oversight Oh, yeah porn too. It's like it's non-. Like you can't like push porn to kids, right? They had to stop making THC gummies

Starting point is 01:00:28 that are in the shape of clowns. Because like hey, we're not actually giving these to five year olds and you're kind of marketing to five year olds. They had to stop putting. Steve Simone was eating all of them too. Yeah. This is a Steve Simone joke, love you buddy.

Starting point is 01:00:40 They had to, yeah, there he goes. Look, he's always smiling. I know. Where are the bodies? Yeah, he's always smiling. I know, huh? Where are the bodies? Yeah, he's our Gacy. He's our John Wayne Gacy? Wow. On the surface?

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Starting point is 01:03:33 Yeah, I think it's like really bad and that you're doing, you can't just put in like additives into fucking baby formula. But why do we keep doing, why do we keep building stuff that's bad for, and like, but if people say, well, if your government says you can't, then that's like a, it's a form of communism, right? if your government says you can't then that's like a cause a form of communism right

Starting point is 01:03:46 like your government says you can't have this and you can't have it because we shouldn't have I mean we just had a woman on we're talking about pornhub and extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated so they had rapes on there they had unconsensual sex had sex with minors had sex with babies on there on por Pornhub, on the website, but their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have, because then they sell more advertising dollars,

Starting point is 01:04:11 because like, we have this many URLs, we have this many links that people can go to, so they're selling in bulk, but they didn't have anybody, or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through. Yeah, so we have some laws, right? You can't blast music at parks. Right.

Starting point is 01:04:26 Because like, oh, this is kind of infringing on other people's rights, sort of here, you know? The privacy, it's quiet. So there's some regulation. I don't understand all this. I don't know what the line is from socialism or not. I don't get any of that. It's not my thing.

Starting point is 01:04:37 I just know like, this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it. You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody. Right. And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn anything about it. You can't sell guns on a street corner, just to anybody. And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it. Like, nah. You need someone to step in, like that's not, as a society, that's not allowed.

Starting point is 01:04:53 You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit. Yeah, see the world as a terrible place. We didn't sign up for that. I don't like it. Twitter does that a lot, I noticed. Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there. Do you notice that, Nick, you think? Yeah, I wake up in the morning

Starting point is 01:05:09 and just piss myself off by reading all the comments. Yeah, and start angry. It's not a good way to start, right? You've been at the beach, but when you start pleasant, it's a better feeling when you're at the beach than when you're on Twitter, showing you what's to be mad about. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:22 Oh, there was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed. So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and like child endangerment, stuff like that. Every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives.

Starting point is 01:05:37 Yeah. Because you're not supposed to see that stuff. And we're seeing like versions of that. I hate it, I hate it. God, let's draw and quarter Mark Zuckerberg. I don't, I mean, I don't think we should do, I don't know what we should do. What's the weegeeum?

Starting point is 01:05:52 But is it just him though? It's must do. It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society and you're not doing anything about it. You actually have the power to stop it and you're not doing it. So like, fuck off. Well, that's the same thing that I noticed

Starting point is 01:06:04 with this woman talking about with Pornhub. It was like they would bring up these cases. There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded, right? Oh my God. And you can't just go, what? It's an open source thing. Like no, no, you're facilitating it.

Starting point is 01:06:16 Right, right, that's the thing. People are like, well we, and they, at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spin and something had to be flagged like 15 times before. Before it even comes into the moderate you already fucked over and the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there and Then this just one person deciding yeah adult not adult Consensual not consensual problems to start with like they need to stop some oversight. They're gonna go too far

Starting point is 01:06:39 Yeah, and they're gonna make like well this joke they had about who's on top. We can't have that That's not our society wants that you You're like, that's too far. And I don't know what it is. You can't trust the government to regulate. I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working. Well, and then you wonder, is society, human society supposed to have this success story or is it a. Unsuccessful experiment, or is it just's like pharmaceuticals had to be regulated.

Starting point is 01:07:05 You can't just give everyone side effects. You have to show your side effects. And it barely is. But you have to show your side effects. You have to go. And then we're all in this. At the end, yeah. You have to at least do something.

Starting point is 01:07:19 But then it's like I think people have lost total faith that their country's gonna do a lot. They're not gonna do shit. They're not gonna do shit. They're not gonna do shit. They're just gonna let it go. You go to another country, you eat garbage for a week, and you lose seven pounds. You're like, how's this?

Starting point is 01:07:31 Oh, there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit. Right. But I think, I mean, we talk about it a lot in here, with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs. God damn, and they're still alive. And they're still pushing it to people. You should do Oxy.

Starting point is 01:07:46 You should get on Oxy for pain. My dad had to get on something. Don't take that, take ibuprofen. Don't take, you can't, if you get hooked on it, you can't kick it. They're still selling Oxycontin? Oh yeah, they're still, doctors are still pushing it. They're incentivized to financially.

Starting point is 01:08:00 How, who's even making money? Is it just to go back to pay for like two for victims? Yeah, they oh They they're not paying those bills those fines. They're not paying those Really? Yes, same thing as PG&E all the forest fires half of them are caused by PG&E not doing the safety measures look at how many forest fires in California started by the utilities. Let's get this really quick. Yeah Purdue Pharma Sackler families, boost contribution in opioid settlement to 7.4 billion. The company and the once prominent family

Starting point is 01:08:30 behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution to resolve mass opioid litigation. The Sackler and Purdue Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to 7.4 billion. They have approved a new plan within the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the US opioid crisis

Starting point is 01:08:45 So that's me 7.4 billion over the next 15 years. How much they make a year This is the same thing as like a scroll scroll Under the new settlement the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue Pharma ends the some point Oh, they have to give up the company will go directly to communities across the US including states counties cities and territories over the next 15 years Well, that's good. That's good. But even this headline is like, oh, they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit. Yeah. Now they killed hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah. All the Gulf, all the Gulf like oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures. Right. So they're like, it seems like a big number,

Starting point is 01:09:23 but not compared to what they're making. There was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me. And now I've seen rich people like, I'll park here. It's like a legal park. I'll just, it's fine. I'll just park here. Yeah, it's fine.

Starting point is 01:09:35 If somebody takes a car, I'll just buy a new car. Chris Rock, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. And they're like, they might give you a ticket. He goes, I don't care. It's $80, and I'm a millionaire. He doesn't care. It's not gonna de-incentivize him.

Starting point is 01:09:49 Yeah, I mean it just- Oh, look at this. So this is wildfires caused by power lines. Okay, so why are we looking at this? Camp fires, so I'm saying like, they're supposed to worry about safety measures. They don't. We fine them. Oh, I see. They don't pay the fines.

Starting point is 01:10:02 Look at all those fires caused by that. And then they just don't do anything, because they at all those fires caused by that. And then they just don't do anything because they know what are you gonna do? Not use us? You could all be like in the dark for fucking years. Yeah, what are you gonna use, a candle? Hundreds of forest fires, maybe thousands by PG&E and they won't do shit.

Starting point is 01:10:20 So that's the government's not doing shit. It's like, why even pay attention to any of it? Yeah, what are you gonna be, you're just gonna use Yankee candles all day? Fucking. Dude, some of the candle smells have gotten crazy. It's really upping it. That's what makes you hopeful.

Starting point is 01:10:34 The candle game, it's bar none. There's shapes and everything. I saw a candle dick in Washington Square Park. Really, and they lit it up? Yeah, no, you can. Oh, but yeah, I don't know what the smell is. I never lit it up. I have one though in my house. I'm good

Starting point is 01:10:45 Yeah They have some video of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever he's laying on his back Pulled his nut like brought his legs over his head Tried to put his penis in his mouth and try to light his nuts like he was like in a bowl of weed How do you do? Huh? How do you do the video cuts off early? But just unreal behavior That's one vote for Trump right there. Did you get to say anything to him? Like you should take care of this?

Starting point is 01:11:10 Is it Trump? Yeah, I always have this dream, like there's an outside possibility I can run into him. You know? It's an outside possibility. And I'm like, if we all get to be like, hey, I just want two things to do. What would you hit him with? Two things to do in the world? Yeah, in America, anything. I would say, sentence with? Two things to do in the world?

Starting point is 01:11:25 Yeah, in America, anything. I would say sentence to, I would probably say sentence to sacral or family to death, I think. I like it. That would be probably my favorite thing about club. And that would put other people, I mean you grew up in a town that's fucked by this. Well yeah, most of America.

Starting point is 01:11:40 I mean just the AA rooms alone, you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics, they're opioid addicts. From pain relief relief straight to heroin and it's a different thing It's like the a program helps them, but it does it's not the same. It's like these people their database has been compromised and Altered they're there. I don't know if can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time. Can they alter? Lose teeth. Your DNA, yeah, they can definitely alter your fucking. Your grill is affected by sugar. Your grin.

Starting point is 01:12:11 Yeah, yes, opioids can alter DNA, which may contribute to opioid use disorder, these changes. So then you're not even talking to a human then, you're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug. Yeah, yeah, they're not people anymore. And why is this not being talked about all the time? Every city in America, Democrat and Republican,

Starting point is 01:12:29 are failing under this, and no one's doing shit about it. Well, I mean. That's not even what I'd tell them. At least they stopped them from doing it, but now they have another new anti, there's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up, it's Pravis Proc. You think they just rebranded and came back? Like a college bar that gets busted for underage, and they go, it's a new name now.

Starting point is 01:12:46 It's my brother runs it, it's a different company. Oh, that's the best. Bro, when I was in college, they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight. It was called, I've said it before, we'll beat this part up, but it's called F***ing Fist Fights, right? And it was their company, they came. It was, gay men would come, you pay five bucks, go there,

Starting point is 01:13:06 you get a beer and you get to watch fights, and they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude. Wow. Pretty cool. In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling. Yeah. And it's just like signs for it. It's not like a hidden back room thing.

Starting point is 01:13:20 Yeah. It's a cock fighting of the. Have you ever been in a cock fight? Have you ever been in a cock fight? Have I ever been in a cock fight? No, but there is midget versus rooster or whatever. Oh. Right near the border. How about midget versus gay?

Starting point is 01:13:33 We gotta make odds on all these things. Three midgets, two gays. You know, what's the like over under? Ooh, three midgets versus two gays? What kind of gays are we talking about? Is it like luck of the draw? Yeah, are you talking Ariana Grande fans or are you talking like of gays are we talking about? Is it like luck of the draw? Yeah, are you talking Ariana Grande fans or are you talking like hardcore?

Starting point is 01:13:49 Matteo can take somebody. Oh yeah, he's very strong. Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down? I bet he could. He gotta be able to overcut. I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far. So I bet he could.

Starting point is 01:14:05 Dude, don't pick that fight. You're not gonna win that. Oh. Yeah, he gonna win this fucking. Is that Carlos Menzio? Why does he dress like Carlos Menzio? Is that crazy to say that? Looks a little like Shane in the face.

Starting point is 01:14:17 He's dressed like Menzio and he's got a face like Shane. Shane Gillis? Yeah. How could you even see that's in eight pixels? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me see when he turns. Pause it when he turns and we see his face like Shane. Shane Gillis? Yeah. How could you even see that's in eight pixels? Wait, wait, he turns. Let me see when he turns. Pause it when he turns and we see his face. There.

Starting point is 01:14:29 That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. He's one of my friends. That's Shane. Tell me it's not. It's him. It's him.

Starting point is 01:14:38 It's him, dude. Okay. Okay. Look at that chicken from Five Nights. That's our new commercial right there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What uh, what were we just talking about? Oh, but what's the new drug? You see it, Nick? This is a non-opioid that was just? Yeah, there we go. FDA approves the novel non-opioid treatment

Starting point is 01:15:09 for moderate to severe acute pain. Yeah, that's what I need. Yeah, this just happened. Jurnavix, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines. 50 milligram oral tablets, a first in class non-opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults.

Starting point is 01:15:27 But wouldn't you just get addicted to using this, but does that mean you don't? But it's non-opioid, maybe it's not addictive. That's what I'm wondering, do you not feel? Like melatonin, you know, what helps you go to sleep? Not melatonin, melatonin? Yeah. But then like sleeping pills will become addictive,

Starting point is 01:15:40 melatonin's like, it's fine. So there's not opioids in here? What the fuck's an opioid too? Targeting a pain signaling pathway. So unlike opioids which act on receptors in the brain, Jurnavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system. A lot of words I didn't know in that.

Starting point is 01:16:00 Yeah, blocking pain signals before they reach the brain. So it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain. Oh, this is like the difference between limewire and Napster. Yeah. It's pretty much the same, but it works different. Yeah. That's a good comparison.

Starting point is 01:16:15 Thanks. Evidence of non-addictive properties. Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients. That's it. Right. The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria.

Starting point is 01:16:28 Well, they said the thing with oxycodone, oxycodone, whatever, was that they were like, well, what about getting off it? We haven't seen any problem with that. And they go, did you test for that? And they go, no, we did not. And so it's like, how do you know how hard it is to withdraw? You've never tested it.

Starting point is 01:16:43 Meanwhile, people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit. God, those lean backs are fucking crazy right now. Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects that can be natural, semi-synthetic, or synthetic chemicals.

Starting point is 01:17:02 Yum. Well, I don't know, but yeah, they gotta do something. That's a good one to tell them. Yeah. Because once you, the rest, you're like, let's get approval for this first. Yeah, people will start to, I think, be a little bit unnoticed.

Starting point is 01:17:14 There will be some sort of, yeah, because they're serial killers. I don't understand how they were not. They're serial killers, they're mass murderers. And they go, well, it's a company. Yeah. You know what they did in China? They were testing for purity for baby formula.

Starting point is 01:17:27 And so one company put an additive in to make it test pure to go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies. And the government found out, there's no bureaucracy there, they hung the board the whole board and like no the company has it goes no you guys killed babies is it true yeah so it's like we're done with this yeah I want to see that they just hung it but they can't just do you can't break the law and kill babies you're out you're

Starting point is 01:17:59 out yeah and hopefully this will be a sign to everybody else yeah there's enough Chinese they might not have been the ones. They might have been different ones. Come on, Theo. Hey, look, I'll say this. If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I'd feel, you know. You just on the same one over and over again, to be honest. Well, it's kind of like this.

Starting point is 01:18:18 One time this lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever. And she was very old and she would give us like, I think a quarter for each cat that we brought in. And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again. Fucking. When I had to go get my visa to play China,

Starting point is 01:18:33 I went in there and they're like, what are you doing there? I was like, I'm working, I got gigs. I'm like, you're working? Where's your letter of invitation from the government? Where's your $50,000? You know, and I'm like, uh, I don't know. It's like early when you go to China, I mean Canada, you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend. Yeah. It was that too, I don't know. It's like early when you go to China,

Starting point is 01:18:45 I mean Canada, you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend. It was that too, I didn't realize. So I called the promoters, I was like, what do I do? They go, go back, only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China. Go back in there and tell them you're just there to see the Great Wall.

Starting point is 01:18:58 And I'm like, but I was just in there. And he goes, so you know how we can't tell them apart? It's a two way street. Yeah, he goes, just go right, try not to go to that window, but if you do, it won't matter. And I got called in that window, she goes, hi, how you doing? I thought she was fucking with me.

Starting point is 01:19:12 I'm like, here to do some traveling in China, okay. That was it. Did you go with the same group that I went with? Did you go to? I didn't go with that Lee guy. I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Curtain. No, it was a different group, I think. That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man,

Starting point is 01:19:31 was just the places you got to go. You couldn't afford it? No. And you just never would have been able to do it. And it flew you to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places, you know, like dick jokes are paying for this. Yeah. It was wild. Dick jokes are paying for this.

Starting point is 01:19:45 It was wild. And you meet the local scenes. And like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong. That was the best. It was so cool. Iceland, you're going to Australia, just weird spots. Yeah, we went to one right there. That's Guantanamo Bay.

Starting point is 01:19:57 You played Guantanamo Bay. With Mike. That's in Cuba? Yeah, who's that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy too, Mike. that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy too. Mike. E? No.

Starting point is 01:20:08 Smoothie? Mike Buh. Mike, is that Mike Costa with us? Patrick DeGere. That's Costa. Yeah, looks like Costa. Patrick DeGere, Mike Costa. Who's Patrick DeGere, the blind one?

Starting point is 01:20:20 Oh, yeah, Patrick DeGere. Yeah, he's blind. That's you on the left? Yeah. They, look how angry your hair is. Yeah, because you've been on it, man. And that kid never nutted inside a chick? Never, what an idiot.

Starting point is 01:20:33 That's a nutter. That's a nutter guy, that was his time. Oh, he nutted in his shampoo bottle a few times. You never won a title in your prime. Yeah. Wow. Fuck, I was young as fuck, bitch. Damn.

Starting point is 01:20:49 I was doing good. Lookalike Dane Cook there. Yeah, bro. Dane and Shane. Get that off the ground. Come on, NBC, make your comeback. So you just went all over. Look at that, that's the Guantanamo Bay lighthouse behind you.

Starting point is 01:21:01 Went to Guantanamo Bay. Isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places like that? Crazy, went to the, hey, dude, Guantanamo Bay lighthouse behind you. Went to Guantanamo Bay. Isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places like that? Crazy, went to the, hey, dude, Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize, first of all, nice golf courses there. Underrated. You'd never know it, we got to see the prisoners play some volleyball. Wow, really?

Starting point is 01:21:16 Yeah. You're playing your jeans and no shirt, like in Top Gun? No, they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever. And some of them had blindfolds on or whatever they were still playing. Unbelievable, just to do like, to get out in the yard or whatever and some of them had blindfolds on or but they were still playing Unbelievable just to do like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a oh the prisoners. Yeah. Oh Yeah, they had these um, they could play volleyball Iguanas down there foxes

Starting point is 01:21:39 rodents Unique animals that a beach this thing, it had all this, used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now. From the tides. Where else they send you? Where else you go? Azores, we went to the Azores, which is somewhere, I don't know. Is that Portugal?

Starting point is 01:21:56 Yes, off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America. Pretty amazing, what about you? I just remember I saw Paul Morris here today. Oh yeah. Yeah, we would Paul he's a basketball player. He's great We got flown to Switzerland Montrose, Switzerland for a festival Yeah, and then we made a deal with each other like let's keep going places. Yeah, Iceland, Australia

Starting point is 01:22:17 But the China gigs was weird gigs Dominican Republic and you're just like you know, it's Dominican Republic. Mm-hmm And you're just like, I'm here. You went to Dominican Republic? Mm-hmm, and you're just here on their dime. The Anchorage gigs. Oh, I never did that. Those were good, they take you on either a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing. Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing, we cut one open right there,

Starting point is 01:22:37 had all these like dots in it, and he's like, what's that? And he's like, well, it's eggs, it's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? I was like, yeah. Can you eat those raw? He goes, yeah, you can eat it. He showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll have eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? I was like, yeah. Can you eat it raw? He goes, yeah, you can eat it raw. He showed us and ate it.

Starting point is 01:22:47 And David's like, I'll have some, right out of the thing. Every pregnant one he found, David just started filling up on it. And then- Did he get sick? So sick! You're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat. Yeah, dude, especially when you're poor.

Starting point is 01:22:59 Yeah, you can barely afford a burrito, and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar. Bro, if the womb caviar Served in a womb Fucking service sword to their neck Yeah, it's not didn't go your stomach's like chill out You know you God those gigs were good. They just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime.

Starting point is 01:23:27 And you're just like, they cover the hotel, they let you know where to stay, there's no arranging. Yeah, you never made any money. Yeah, right. But it was just like broke even. But then like, you're living like on a vacation to the level I can barely afford now. All covered.

Starting point is 01:23:43 It was so cool. Dude, we went one time to, what's the blue stuff that they put in drinks? It's, they put it in like a... Oh, Curacao? Yes. Boom. That place, it's an island. Oh.

Starting point is 01:23:59 So we went there. You went there on comedy? Yes. Zoom out from the map. I wanna see where this is on the map. Go and then slowly zoom out. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:09 Night near Bonaire, okay. Out, out, out. Where the fuck is this? I keep moving this place. I really don't know what content it is yet. Me neither. Okay, in the Caribbean. Every couple years they move this place somewhere else.

Starting point is 01:24:19 It's like the island from Lost. We went. Go look at a picture of it. Dude, it is like a small place. There's only one area that has a few buildings. And then there's this military base there. But they manufacture this blue liqueur there. Yeah, that's the area.

Starting point is 01:24:33 It's very small. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, but there's nothing. I mean, this is it, right? And then we went to this military place. I think we did a show. And then they had, they put us up in these rooms and then you go into the facility where the rooms were

Starting point is 01:24:48 and it just kind of looked like a bear, almost like a community college type of, or like an old high school, just like the cinder block kind of wall, with painted over and stuff. Then we opened the door to this one room and it was the most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in. It dolled up different rooms?

Starting point is 01:25:09 Yes. Like I think fancy like operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably get them some chicks or whatever. But it was unbelievable. We went with cheerleaders from Houston, Texas, cheerleaders. What? That's when you would have nutted. Yeah. Should have. Who's that from Houston Texans, cheerleaders. What? That's when you would've nutted. Yeah, shoulda. Who's that? That's the room I was in.

Starting point is 01:25:29 Wow, that is crazy. Me and Jay Davis were in it. But every other room was normal and then they had this one room that was crazy. It had like mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes, me and Jay Davis. Yeah, that was a coke vibe for sure. Yeah, it was just crazy.

Starting point is 01:25:44 There was me and him just. Wait, what? That's you on the left. I used to jerk myself off. That's how good looking I was. Damn, dude, you need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V. What? Who is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Starting point is 01:25:57 B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M, dude. I'm a B-L-M,. What? Who is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Bama.

Starting point is 01:26:08 BLM, dude. I don't know what's going on over there. But that was pretty amazing. That's cool. But yeah, going places like that was unbelievable. Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in like Iraq or? No, I just had Nate and Louis Katz

Starting point is 01:26:23 and Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul. Wow. And it's just like that same thing of like, what are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up. Yeah, that was great. And you just saw you were like, this is crazy.

Starting point is 01:26:37 Because like when you grow up, you're like, I'll probably never go there, ever. Let alone on someone else's dime. Yeah, they had a woman in a black, they had a woman gave me a BJ. Coming soon, you'll be trippin'. Yeah, a black hawk, gave me a BJ and a black hawk on the ground on a, on.

Starting point is 01:26:55 They arranged that for you? No, she arranged it. Okay, okay. She arranged it and she said, oh, the airfield is on, I don't know what it was, like unattended or something tonight, but yeah, pretty cool. And then, what else? Oh, another time.

Starting point is 01:27:10 Wait, wait, wait. Wow. I know, pretty neat. I think that was in like- So she holds your hand and make a man out of you? I don't know what happened. Wait, you got a blowjob in a Black Hawk helicopter. Pretty cool.

Starting point is 01:27:23 Did she leave no man behind or did she like? I don't remember, I remember she had a huge kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something. You were just looking at that the whole time? I think she was from like Philly or something. Like the Nany on her or something. But really a sweet gal and. Seems nice.

Starting point is 01:27:42 Oh there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the air force and she slipped over into my Little cabin or whatever. She slipped out a line of the dog And I couldn't get an erection. I was too like freaked out or something I thought they were gonna come over the guns. I didn't fucking know how the military works. Where was this? This was in Somewhere near Kuwait, Arif John or one of these bases or something Pretty cool.

Starting point is 01:28:06 Wow. Those are good, yeah, those are good. A good time, good for everybody. It was just cool, yeah. They would take you out the middle of nowhere, you'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just. That was Kuwait? You went to Kuwait.

Starting point is 01:28:19 Yeah, whatever they wanted in Iraq, yeah. Arif John, that's where we flew in, then we went to these forward operating bases. I think that's where they went too. I think it might have been the same one. It was pretty great. So yeah, the special, let's get a little bit more about it. I wanna know about it.

Starting point is 01:28:31 Are you touring off of it now? Is there gonna be a new tour? Not touring off, a different hour. Okay. Yeah, I'm touring a little bit for like till April. Then I'm gonna take about a year and a half off. Yeah. Off the road.

Starting point is 01:28:40 You always do a good job of that, is taking time off. You're the one guy that's always like, dude, you gotta take some time off for yourself. And I'm like, I will. And then I never do. Yeah, I always try to get you to. Yeah, you do. Yeah. You could.

Starting point is 01:28:49 I know. One of them will. Yeah. One day I'll just take time off forever, you know? I think that's probably maybe my goal. Save it up and then go. Yeah, just like when people save up their PTO or whatever. You save it up till the end.

Starting point is 01:28:59 Once you quit, like, I get all that. Oh, that's the wrong way to live. You think? It should be taken along the way. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm going to go backpack. You think? Should be taken along the way. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm gonna go backpacking for like six, eight months. Just traveling. You've been to some pretty great places over the years.

Starting point is 01:29:11 I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly. Did you really? Yeah, we were there for Hurricane. That's not why we went. We went to get away from the election. No way. Yeah, we got there on Monday. We didn't find out who won till Sunday.

Starting point is 01:29:24 Wow. They didn't even have elections there. Yeah. You're up there on Monday, we didn't find out who won until Sunday. Wow. They didn't even have elections there. You're like, what happened to the election? Like, I don't know what that word means. Elecciones? No se, no se. Wow, what was it like there? I mean, it was pretty wild.

Starting point is 01:29:37 You can see like the remnants of what it would have been, the extravagance, same buildings. Nothing's, they didn't even embargo that. That's one thing I tell Trump, like, come on in that already. They're just poor people now for no reason. And so what does's, they have embargo there. That's one thing I tell Trump. Like, come on in that already. They're just poor people now for no reason. And so what does that mean they have an embargo? So you can't, they won't trade with America.

Starting point is 01:29:50 They won't trade with anyone who trades with America. To a degree, I think. So we won't trade with, did we do that or they did that? We did that. Okay. And so Obama ended it and then, and opened up travel and everything. Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel.

Starting point is 01:30:06 And then Biden also stayed, full embargo, but you can still travel. So there's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston. Okay, so you can travel to Cuba. You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol. And we don't do trade with them. Yeah, and so that means they can't grow extra stuff in trade, all their sugar cane, all their tobacco.

Starting point is 01:30:23 They can't, there's no reason to grow extra because they can't, it'll just rot. Right. So there's just poverty there. So it's just poverty, but it's also just poverty because the government takes, probably like, funnels a lot of the money just to themselves, right? Yeah, sure, they're doing okay.

Starting point is 01:30:37 But that hurricane, they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate, like really well. There was three people rushed to the hospital, that's it, during a type three hurricane. That's nice. Yeah. That makes heavy. The whole island lost power for two days.

Starting point is 01:30:50 So there was no power in the entire country for two days. So that was like weird, but then we'd just wander around outside afterwards, just like looked at the devastation. US business of conducting trade or commerce. Current embargo status. With interests. Yeah, President Donald Trump was taking office for second term, January 25th.

Starting point is 01:31:09 So if we reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration. Well, that happens a lot, like the one, like so for a couple days that things sort of changed, right? So you know, I think I know what this is. So Diaz told me this, gave me a clue. They wouldn't, Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave Bill Clinton

Starting point is 01:31:25 for giving back Elian Gonzalez. Because those Cubans that fled and went to Florida, who are all, and they breed, you know, so there are a lot of them, they hate the Castro regime over there. Anything you can, they tell their grandkids, you can never visit Cuba, fuck that place. And so they were mad at them giving this kid back

Starting point is 01:31:44 to his real father. Like he should be in America. So they just hate him. So it took Obama for like, well I've already run twice and won, so I'm not gonna run for a third term. So now I can end this embargo. If he didn't, Florida goes against him. So Trump, same thing, is like I want that Cuban vote,

Starting point is 01:32:01 let's put that embargo back on. Biden too, I want that Cuban vote, put that embargo back on. Yeah, Florida's a big vote, let's put that embargo back on. Biden too, I want that Cuban vote, put that embargo back on. Yeah, Florida's a big vote, it ain't Maryland. If it was Maryland, they're like, I don't care. Florida's a lot of points, right? So I'm hoping he's like, well, I'm already in. Dang.

Starting point is 01:32:15 Yeah, so it's just whatever, but so then when you go, like, should we bring you anything? Like, yes, light bulbs. Or it's not even expensive, like we just can't get shit here. Batteries, a battery battery charger we would love that Huh? Yeah, so he was like hey the Hurricanes coming. We're gonna lose power

Starting point is 01:32:30 Charge everything Wow Yeah, that's wild you don't even think about the things you would need suddenly yeah, so you can see all the buildings They look cool kind of decrepit, but if you like blink and like imagine it with like a clean coat of paint You're like oh, yeah, this would have been the vacation spot Maybe one day it will be again. Well, I guess, well, you guys went there for a vacation. How was it? I loved it.

Starting point is 01:32:51 I had so much fun. Could you go to the beach and stuff? I smoked cigars all day. I went to the beach and nobody was on it. They cooked you a lobster right there for $10. It was so cool. It was so much fun and free. I got to practice my Spanish.

Starting point is 01:33:01 So it's a great place to go. God damn, and we didn't get out of Havana. We would've gotten out except for the hurricane, kind of put a damper on it, but it was a cool experience anyway. But like, yeah, I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad and Cuba and the East.

Starting point is 01:33:17 Was there a nightlife there when you went? Mm-hmm, dancing and music, that Cuban music. We went to what's left of Buena Vista Social Club. I was dancing. They picked me up to dance. This fucking hot black chick, like Caribbean black chick, just danced with me and I was like,

Starting point is 01:33:32 I remember a little salsa class. Saltwater sisters, baby, yeah. I was going for it, dude, it felt so good. It was so fucking fun. Yeah, everyone's out, everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just drinking. Are theyars and just like drinking. Are they busting on you?

Starting point is 01:33:47 Do they bust on you because you're American? No, not at all. One guy, one guy goes, I know it's not you. I know it's your government. I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it. Wow. We went when I was a student, we went. I want to get you on my podcast about that year. What, when I went there? Semester at Sea? Okay. Did I come talk about that? I never talk about it. I met a guy, it would go that year. Well, when I went there, semester at sea? Okay, then I'll come talk about that. I never talk about it.

Starting point is 01:34:06 I met a guy, it would go perfectly with that pod, but also like. Journey, what's it called? The trip. You'd be trippin'. Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any. But like I met a guy in my neighborhood.

Starting point is 01:34:16 Did I never talk about that whole trip? We were talking, he goes, do you know Theo Von? I was like, yeah, yeah, he's a friend of mine. And he goes, I was on a boat with him once, and I was like, oh, weird. And he goes, no, no, no, it was like a mine. And he goes, I was on a boat with him once. And I was like, oh, weird. And he goes, no, no, no, it was like a six month thing. Yeah, that was it.

Starting point is 01:34:29 I gotta get his name, see if you remember. I gotta remember his name. Semester at Sea, White Guy? Yeah, White Guy, James. James was his name. James. But anyway, yeah, and I was like, oh, that'd be perfect. That sounds so cool.

Starting point is 01:34:42 Oh, it was great. Yeah, Semester at Sea, sea was like a floating school, took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there, and just went around the whole world, finished in Florida. We stopped at Cube on the way. You did? On the way back, yeah. Fidel came and spoke to us too.

Starting point is 01:34:56 It was pretty crazy. Really? Yeah. What? But then we just tried to get out. Oh dude, I'll tell you this fun thing that happened. So we went out and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever. We would just do like that if somebody talked to us

Starting point is 01:35:07 in Spanish, you know? Bum bum bum bum bum bum. We would fucking just do that in order of Cuba libre, you know? Oh man, they're great there. Oh yeah, the Havana club. Yeah, we went to the Havana club. Yeah. We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long.

Starting point is 01:35:24 So long, I have a picture of him nose so hard for so long so long I have a picture of I can't show it's being too much hate, but hard workers over there hard. No, there's a white guy Pollution A lot of people travel over there The flick goes further So we were at this thing we're just walking on the streets and finally we find this kind of party going on, it looked like there was some people, there was like a birthday cake and stuff,

Starting point is 01:35:49 or this old guy and these people were drinking and we were drinking, so we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of four-year area, like off the edge of this house and stuff and we're hanging out and stuff. And we're singing happy birthday and dancing and then you start to realize, look over and this old guy is going down on this woman.

Starting point is 01:36:08 They were hookers that they'd hired for this birth, for these two old dudes that hired some hookers for their birthday. What? And we're just fucking there, like cutting the cake with them and shit. We're like, what the fuck are we doing, bro? There's a lot of hookers there.

Starting point is 01:36:19 Yeah, was there? Yeah, I didn't get any. You see them though, I'm like, I haven't seen any hookers, and you notice like, oh yeah, yeah, that, oh yeah, that. They're like, hi. And you're like, yep, there's just different. Yeah, that was how, and then we went to a baseball game. We had to go get bread and cheese.

Starting point is 01:36:32 You got what? We were staying with a guy and they were like, should we help, should we help? They're like, no, no, I got it, I got you. And then when the hurricane was coming, like, should we go out and get supplies? And he goes, yes. Like he was like, oh shit, you're worried.

Starting point is 01:36:44 So we were like on the hunt for bread and cheese and everywhere we went, they're was like, oh shit, you're worried. So we're on the hunt for bread and cheese and everywhere we went they're like, we're out, we're out. And then Bobby Kelly was like, all right, let's go, let's go to the next place, we gotta go. And he goes, well hold on, there's cookies here. I'm like, Bob, it's not a cookie time, dude, let's go.

Starting point is 01:36:58 So what else did you see? An alcoholic with a dessert, it's hard, it's fucking. That is a replacement. What else did you see there? What else did we see? We went to a baseball game. Ooh hard, it's fucking. It's a replacement. What else did you see there? What else did we see? We went to a baseball game. Ooh, I miss doing that. And when we left, we were throwing everything we had

Starting point is 01:37:10 off of the edge of the ship, like tennis shoes, and just because they didn't have, like just things that like, we're like, what are we gonna do? Take this shit, we don't even fucking care, who cares? Because you kind of made friends with people while you were there, they had this guy named Henry that was taking us around.

Starting point is 01:37:25 And he, and it was just, so we were just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat. Just take it, take it. Take it here, here, here. They'll get used to it. Clothes, all kind of stuff, yeah, because they could use it. It was, that was pretty awesome.

Starting point is 01:37:38 That was really great. Yeah, it's crazy that they don't have access. It's weird when you go to another place and see a cultural difference like you hadn't even noticed before. Like, oh, I have access. It's weird when you go to another place and see a cultural difference that you hadn't even noticed before. Like, oh, I have access to shoes when I want it. I might be able to afford them, but I can get them. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:37:51 And they had horse meat. That's what they served us at this conference. They served us horse meat. And then they had also, like you wore this translator machine so whenever Fidel was talking, the speakers were talking, you could hear what they were saying.

Starting point is 01:38:08 And then some people got to asking questions and shit. One kid got him to sign his passport. Fidel Castro? Sign somebody's. Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign. Sign somebody's passport. Wow. Pretty fucking cool.

Starting point is 01:38:20 You met Fidel Castro? Some little slurper. I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did. But you saw him. Yeah, we saw him. He came and spoke to us like 600 students or maybe. And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there. I just had him pretty quick. And we just drank with like a lot of like homeless people. Like a lot of times you would pull in,

Starting point is 01:38:38 you're on a boat docks. You were always like around like homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are. Right. That's not, that's not the typical vibe of a city. Right. Like sometimes it was typical vibe of a city. Right, sometimes it was cool, like Miami, and then sometimes it was like you were in Jersey. It was hit or miss, some of these ports you went into. So you'd roll off thinking, oh, we're gonna be in the lap

Starting point is 01:38:56 of some cool area, and you'd just be in the industrial and the docks, like in Belfast or something. Yeah, exactly, who would go here? No one in LA goes to where the ships dock. People are just getting fucking wasted. It's just at some shit. I've been at sea for nine months. Get me hookers and drugs now.

Starting point is 01:39:12 Oh dude, all the staff that worked on the cruise ship, they were from like Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that. And so they would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked. You'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries.

Starting point is 01:39:26 I went last year, turned it into big. Oh yeah. For a carnival. Was it nice? It was so much fun for carnival. I dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers and just dance and drink for days. Wow.

Starting point is 01:39:39 It was so much fun. Who'd you go with? A chick. I met my friend. My friend's like in line to be the Prime Minister there from college. Really? Yeah, his dad was the Prime Minister.

Starting point is 01:39:50 And then when I met him, he was the Ambassador of America. White guy? Tobagin? No. Dark skinned black. Dark skinned black. Yeah, they only have Indians and blacks there pretty much. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:40:04 But everyone's dancing, whining on each other. They're whining on me. They're playing this is not happening for some reason on loop, on loop. So like for like four hours a day, they were playing this is not happening in Trinidad. No residuals. And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago.

Starting point is 01:40:19 Some chick was like, are you Ari Shafir? And I was like, yeah. She goes, can I whine on you? I'm like, yeah, she just fucking backing it up. That's what they do there? Yeah, it's not even sexual. It's just backing it up right on your ass and just rubbing it and they just go all the way down.

Starting point is 01:40:31 Oh yeah. Yeah. That's great. And what do they call it? Wind on you? Whining. It's their dance. Whining.

Starting point is 01:40:38 And it's Tobaggan? I guess so. Steel pan, all that shit. It was so fucking cool. I love that. What do you notice that shit. It was so fucking cool. I love that. What do you notice after traveling to some of these places? What are the things you miss about America and what do you think are the things that we lose

Starting point is 01:40:52 by being such a capitalistic environment? Food is cleaner other places. Okay. Like in Cuba, they don't have much but they don't have like chemicals to put in there either. Right. And then it's like the need to like work for life. She's teaching how to wine.

Starting point is 01:41:07 I might have watched the video before I went. God. And what do you do, stand there? Stand there, you can lift one leg around them, try to go down with them. Even you can't do it, but they're all like, it's funny the white guy trying. But there's no like, they're not like mad at you

Starting point is 01:41:20 for being there. There's so few whites. There are? Yeah. Yeah, I think the real one has more. Whoa, Pregnancia. He just. That's when you really,

Starting point is 01:41:33 that's when your nuts go missing right there. Wow. He's learned to work. Jesus, lady. I know. Alto, alto. I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time. Got a picture with him.

Starting point is 01:41:46 He pickpocketed you? Caught him fucking just like that. And then you're like, I'm not mad at you, let's just take a picture. Just get a photo of you and he ran off. Little guy, little fucking five-o-goes thieving. He's like, hey, no. All right, fair's fair.

Starting point is 01:42:02 What do you, you notice like, oh, we have some good things where we are. You get to appreciate that. But then also the need to work as your method of reward. It's like, nah, it shouldn't be that. It should be work to play. Like how much value we put on that. Yeah, it's like never any work till you die.

Starting point is 01:42:20 And there, they're like, work for the weekend. Try to go towards some fun. So there they have like, work for the weekend. You try to go towards like some fun. So there they have like carnival season, it's a month plus long, parties, parties, parties. It's great. Juvet, everyone's like throwing paint on each other and mud. Juvet.

Starting point is 01:42:36 Juvet. It's like Jauvert. That's in Trinidad? Yeah, it's the night before. So you're up all night, you get two hours of sleep, then go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's Jouvet. Jouvet, J, Jouvert, Jouvert, O-U-V-R-T. Everyone's fighting with. Wow. And they're fist fighting? No, they're fighting with paint. No, they're in a great night mood. It's all pretty safe. Let's look about Jouvet. Can you find me a little information on

Starting point is 01:43:02 it? It looks beautiful. It's the day before So color a traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro Creole traditions Wow, such as can Boulay can Boulay. What is that? Yeah, it's all so fucking weird click on and it comes from like some weird version of like Christianity and and slavery celebrating. Oh, yeah. Canbouleh is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago. Carnival, the festival, is also where

Starting point is 01:43:33 calypso music has its roots. Mm-hmm. Steel drum. You know why they did steel drum? Because they outlawed drumming, because they were like, you're riling people up. So let's get these abandoned steel drums, like the oil drums. We'll make music out of that.

Starting point is 01:43:46 Wow. Go back to that information, Nick. It was originally a harvest festival with drums, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part. Huh, yep. Canboulet has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago for it was the banning of

Starting point is 01:44:07 Percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music That's cool. Yeah, here's me in my fucking costume Wow It was so fucking fun so he showed us how to do it, my friend Brian. Dude, that's so cool. You look like a native, bro. Yeah, I got lost in it. You look so native.

Starting point is 01:44:33 It was so fun. I mean, they party. They do it right. There's no status, there's no any of that. Like, what do you mean they party? They go to let loose. Like a Filipino lady and like all the Filipinos in like China and stuff, when it's the weekend, they party, they go to let loose, like a Filipino lady and all the Filipinos in China and stuff,

Starting point is 01:44:46 when it's the weekend, they party. They just dance on the docks together. They go for it, they're like, let's let loose. It's not about which table am I at, who's gonna be here. It's the party for the sake of party, and it's like the downstairs on the Titanic. Yeah. You know?

Starting point is 01:45:02 Yeah, everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here. I think you definitely notice that more in big cities. Yeah, club life, clubbing in Europe is about like doing drugs and dancing. Yeah. And here it's about like bottle service and velvet ropes. Prestige, yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:17 Yeah, that kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of, I feel like, some of the bigger cities. I always noticed too that Australians travel the most. I felt like. It's like they go do it, it's how they. We can't even comprehend it. You see one in the audience, like,

Starting point is 01:45:32 oh, what are you doing here? It's like, I'm on holiday. And you're like, oh, so just LA in the back? Like, no, LA, Vegas, Miami, and then Copenhagen, London, whatever, like how long you going for? All you little field of dreams we're going to. There's always like one outlier thing they're going to see. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:48 It's like why nobody goes there? I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there. Yeah, they go for like two months. I know, it is really incredible how they'll go. It's almost like that Amish thing, like what's the art where they go? Rumspringer. Rumspringer. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:46:02 Australians almost had that, where like I'm going to go see the world. And Australians, all they really want to do is try the. Rumsbringer. Yeah. Australians almost had that where like, I'm gonna go see the world. And Australians, all they really wanna do is try the different cokes from around the country. Oh, they like doing cocaine? Yeah, they love it. And they have the worst. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:46:12 They love it the most and have the worst. Yeah. So it's like, imagine you dunking. I love to dunk, but I can't really do it because I can't really do it. But then you go to like the moon and you're like, I can dunk now. All you wanna do is just dunk all day.

Starting point is 01:46:23 I believe. Yeah, slow. Just fucking just jumping. the moon and you're like I can dunk now all you want to do is just dunk all day just fucking just jumping right past the sun would you see that picture that just came up about mars you see that what about it they found this crazy thing on there's a photo if this photo is real did you see that nick yeah they found like a perfect square on Mars. That we're talking about. Yeah. What? It's kind of fascinating. That's unsettling. Perfect.

Starting point is 01:46:49 Oh, we're searching for Mars behind branded wild has space fanatics completely baffled. Yeah, that's a straight line. Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it. I'm sure they were too. Yeah, facts. Oh, that's it right there. So you start to wonder, because your mind also starts to say,

Starting point is 01:47:10 well, okay, that's a square. But also it's like, is it just like right there, the rocks broke down just that way? It's like Bigfoot shit. It really is. Or UFOs, every time a UFO, like look at this, I'm like, I can't see context. That looks like a dot.

Starting point is 01:47:24 And the shittiest thing for me is UFOs have been in the water recently. Do you hear that a month ago? Water, yeah, why wouldn't they hide in the water? And you're like, okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up. And they're down. And they're down, oh, you tricksters.

Starting point is 01:47:39 It's like part of a Scooby Doo episode. It's like, what? I'm not worried about them harming me. This was a, let, they tell me something. CBS News. Yeah, Tim Burton said in an interview Wednesday that an admiral, whom he did not identify, told him, unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds

Starting point is 01:47:56 in the sea. It's always incredible speeds. And you're like, how about it's far away? Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow. If it's right here, it's like, oh my God, that's so away. Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow. If it's right here, it's like, oh my God, that's so fast.

Starting point is 01:48:08 It's just, you can't see the fucking scale. You can't see where it is. But also, they just say, oh, they've been in the water. That's, oh, we were looking up here and they're down there. You never thought to tell us about the water? Oh. You gotta discover it. You gotta be a real scuba-doo.

Starting point is 01:48:23 It kinda makes, yeah. That was good. That was better than the other one. You gotta discover it. You gotta be a real scuba-doo. It kinda makes, yeah. It kinda, that was good. That was better than the other. You win the round. But it was, I was like, this is so fucking dumb, dude. Now they're in the water. It's like, should they're not up here? It just was so dumb.

Starting point is 01:48:36 Yeah, where else are they gonna be? Yeah. Where's next? In the fridge? I know. Where do you wanna go? Still Argentina? Yeah, Bariloche.

Starting point is 01:48:47 You know a place? Map that for me. Let's see Bariloche. Where the women swim like swine, let me see it. You don't know how to spell that? Yeah, I was gonna say how do we spell it? I mean just- It's up to you really, you're a great American.

Starting point is 01:49:02 Yeah, it's up to fucking you, bro. It's up to you, boy. Bariloche.'s up to you boy. You're a loach a Why that place would you hear about that? You just heard about it from somebody It's so funny when you hear about something you're a kid and you just remember it forever, you know It's fine with Bon Jovi Wow Also gets cold there too. Oh, it looks perfect. It does look perfect. San Carlos to burlap looks beautiful Halifax is beautiful. You've been there.

Starting point is 01:49:27 I just went for the first time. I've been trying to go to Eastern Canada for so fucking long and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money. And I'm like, I want to go. And they go, fine, only winter. I'm like, no, no. You gotta be outside or that.

Starting point is 01:49:41 Yeah. Like you'll draw less. I'm like, who, guys, get me out there. And I finally went. I loved it. Beautiful. Weird, cool people, isolated. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:49:50 Strange, different people. Real fucking, what's that movie where they put that guy in a box and they burned it alive? I think one of them, I think Nicolas Cage did a remake of it, not match dick, match. Was it Wicker Man? Wicker Man. Is it good? It. The Wicker Man? Wicker Man. It looks like Wicker Man-ish, for sure.

Starting point is 01:50:08 Yeah, it was great. Yeah, I love that. La Crosse, Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America. Yeah, outside Mount Peelier. Very beautiful. It's just like a perfect place. I've been doing that now a lot when I meet somebody from another country.

Starting point is 01:50:20 I'm like, what's your tips? And they go, oh, we'll go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. You're from Buenos Aires. Can we get a restaurant, no, no, no, you're from Buenos Aires. Can we get a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there? Yeah. And then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps,

Starting point is 01:50:32 and I'm like, I'm getting there. Give me the grassroots. Miraloche, I'm gonna write that one down. And that's La Crosse, Wisconsin. I think it's one of the best little cities. Baraloche? Baraloche, yeah. Where the women swim like swine.

Starting point is 01:50:45 Oh yeah, there you go. There's granddad's bluff over there. Baraloche, oh yeah, bro. That's what we need, more Baraloche. In America, yeah, and then I would say in America, probably I would go with La Crosse, Wisconsin as a place that I really think is a great place to go tour or see.

Starting point is 01:51:08 Just nice. It's like if you thought of a ideal place in America, you know, like especially like we're like in the fall, the leaves change color. And it's like, is a cool mountain, but you can still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid. And you have just enough of a little downtown with like some three story buildings. We were like, oh, that's cool. Yes. And everything, but some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool. How many people live there in La Crosse, Wisconsin?

Starting point is 01:51:30 52,818. So a good enough size too, where it's like, you'll have some neighbors, you'll have some good sporting events and stuff like that. You're close enough to drive to Green Bay to cheer for the Packers, but yeah, just beautiful. But far enough away, like we don't go. Right, like this is their downtown, so everything,

Starting point is 01:51:44 just kind of perfect. This is where DeR don't go. Right, like this is their downtown, so everything, you know, just kind of perfect. This is where DeRosa lives in Pennsylvania, cities like this. Yeah? Yeah. Like an hour outside Philadelphia. Pennsylvania's got some beautiful places. Yeah, but like a small downtown, just like that, and he's the mayor.

Starting point is 01:51:57 Wow. Yeah, you got one light. Yeah, that place is a great spot. That's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, all right, I'm gonna stay a few days longer or go a few days early, chill out, then do my shows or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back if you have all day.

Starting point is 01:52:13 Yeah, I wanna do some more, like I think maybe after this year then I would just get a camper and do like a year where I just go around the country, do some like interview just regular people in different places. You're good at that too. And just have a. I saw you interview like a school bus driver once. Go touring, do some like interview, just regular people in different places. And you're good at that too. And just have a, just. I saw you interview like a school bus driver once. Go touring, who do we interview?

Starting point is 01:52:29 Did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver? We have a hostage negotiator coming on soon. No, it was somebody more regular. And we got a Native American. We had a female long haul trucker, a mortician. Lunch lady. Maybe it's mortician, maybe it's lunch. But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them.

Starting point is 01:52:44 That'd be fun. Fast. Yeah. Who'd drive the RV, you? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off. Probably switch off. I've driven it. Or if I have a family at that point.

Starting point is 01:52:54 You're looking? I gotta get a family at some point. Well, if you do that, guess what you're gonna have to do first? Not inside. Not inside, buddy. That's it, it's for you, it's all there. You inside, buddy. That's it. It's for you. It's all there.

Starting point is 01:53:06 You don't say. That would be cool. Me and O'Neil and Matt Egger did one where we did a Spokane and we did Tacoma. No, Tacoma then Spokane. And then two days there, two days there. And the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been redone.

Starting point is 01:53:24 So it was an hour hike to get up, no roads in, took all our shit and we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms. There's hundreds of acres around us. There's nothing up there. And it was a 360 deck on top, so none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there.

Starting point is 01:53:40 You just found it? Yeah, O'Neill found it. And the guy was like, yeah, we own this, we retrofitted it. They don't need these fire lookouts anymore. And so it was like, it was, but that's all there if you're willing to take like the week in between. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:53:53 Skiing, doing anything. Yeah, I think some things just get like, you're like, you wanna work, but then you're like, have I done enough work? I don't know. But then you start working so much you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes too. Just autopilot, wasting time.

Starting point is 01:54:04 It's funny, I have two different sets of friends and half of them are like pity me for not buckling down enough and the other half look up to me for like paying it back in enough. I think I look up, I think I always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive.

Starting point is 01:54:20 I got a proposition for you. Maybe I'll tell you off there. Okay, that's fair. Yeah, I wanna come on and talk about the semester at sea. That's what I would like to talk about. Okay Yeah, yeah, do it. You're doing any New York New York or if we're in Austin together we can do it then okay Yeah, I have a studio there too. Yeah, that'd be fun to go through the different places I've never really gone through and thought about yeah, you'll think about you're gonna remember stuff as we go That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it when they do one of the episodes like and then I went oh that chick Margaret Oh, yeah, it's that moment. I love dude. We had a girl

Starting point is 01:54:50 She fucking hit it did a waterslide somewhere in like Vietnam which nobody knew they even had Yeah broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a Mariachi player dude a mariachi player in Vietnam. I know Marriachi player dude. A Marriachi player in Vietnam? I know. What do you mean we had a girl? I don't know, she was on the cruise ship too. Cause that would be it, you'd land in a port

Starting point is 01:55:13 with the cruise ship, you would take classes while you're on the ship. And the program's called Semester at Sea and it's amazing you'd take classes. But then once you got to a city, people could go do whatever they wanted. You could be back at whatever. Be back when the ship leaves it like

Starting point is 01:55:32 01700 or something so people would come back with drug habits some people would come back with amazing stories people come back with their teeth In their pocket in a fantasy island it was just some people would People would stay with a cold people are like fell in love this fucking stay They're like fuck it couple people got busted with drugs or whatever and they just left them there. And so, yeah, rules are rules, man. Yeah, wheels up. Wheels up at this time. Wheels up. Yeah, yeah, it does shit.

Starting point is 01:55:52 Anchors up. So that was, all of that was kind of fascinating. Do you think Fantasy Island was a precursor for Epstein Island? I'm not sure what Fantasy Island was. Is it a real place? No, it was a TV show. Oh, it was?

Starting point is 01:56:03 Yeah. I never saw it. With Herbie Villagehead or whatever. No, my buddy's dad was in Loveboat. Yeah. Really? What was he in Loveboat? He was a captain, I think. What? He was a captain. Captain Stubing? Yeah. I think so. I don't know how to spell it. Yeah, him. That was your buddy's dad? That guy, slung. I guarantee you that guy came inside. You think? Dead at 90. He passed away?

Starting point is 01:56:32 He was fucking till he was 88 and a half. Guaranteed. Oh no, this wasn't his dad then. Oh, he was just the captain on a boat. He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain. Yeah, that's it, that's it. I can't, no, my body said it was something else. You're gonna not continue, I mean, you're like,

Starting point is 01:56:47 no, I'm not lying, I'm not lying about any of these things. I love there was a clip of you on Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing, you're like, I can't do the actor. Like, man, these bees are just exploding. And Joe just starts laughing. And you're like, yeah, they're exploding. And he's like, what are you talking about?

Starting point is 01:57:03 I go, look it up, Jamie. Everyone thinks you're lying. And he goes, yeah, there's exploding bees. I think yeah, what do you mean? Every now and then you got sprinkle with bring a piece of information that he doesn't have That's what his mind is blown. How did you know this? We use a library imagine going to bed when you're a library. Yeah, yeah fucking library It's like you go to the front desk like hey do you have this book? And he's like let me see what I have. And then he shows up with the information that he has.

Starting point is 01:57:27 For a pothead, he really remembers quite a lot. Un-fucking-real. That's, I think, I mean, he has a lot of- He's sort of evaporating. He's a hard worker, but I think he just has an endless memory. And a lust for knowledge. He wants to keep feeding it. Genuinely curious.

Starting point is 01:57:42 I'm already like, I know enough. Dude, I know so little and I gave up then. I think that was my MO. Ari Shaffir, we got the new special. American Sweetheart. American Sweetheart. On Netflix. On Netflix, congratulations, man.

Starting point is 01:57:56 Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I wanted this one more regular people to see it. And less YouTube people. Yeah? Those lower views on Netflix for people at my level. But it'll just take time for people to get to it too. Yeah, but then also just like, I'm trying to really get through with humor of like,

Starting point is 01:58:12 chill, chill, everything's nice. So hopefully some people, I've seen some people feel, hey, I put down the phone all day because that's special. They're like, great, getting through to you. Yeah, yeah, because that's how they really captivate you. Yeah, it's like, man. Yeah, the closer is the darkest one. Yeah?

Starting point is 01:58:30 Yeah, so get to the closer, I guess. And then I'm on tour. Cool. All over America, the farewell tour, before I go backpacking. Man, that's gonna be nice, dude. Okay, as soon as we're done, I wanna suggest something to you.

Starting point is 01:58:43 Okay. Yeah. I'm ready, okay. As soon as we're done, I wanna suggest something to you. Okay. Yeah. I'm ready to take a suggestion. Yup, thank you guys. America's Sweetheart, Ari Shaffir, his tour. After the backpacking or before? What? The tour?

Starting point is 01:58:56 Yeah. The tour's now, and then I'm gonna end that and leave. It's just like, let's go a couple more months of hanging out in New York, having fun, and then like take off. Yeah. Take off, and then, I don't know. But the UB Trippin' podcast will still come out.

Starting point is 01:59:06 I'm gone. Banked out, I'm already like 30 ahead. Oh, awesome. Just for this. And what a great idea too, the UNICEF, so it's all about trips to be able to take in. Like one trip you took. Come back, tell me about a different trip.

Starting point is 01:59:16 Come back, tell me there were different trips, but you were just staying in that place. And it's not like what am I supposed to do? It's like what did you do? Right. I fell in love, I fucking, Danny Polishchuk was like, I had Dengue fever in Laos, spent the whole time in a sand floor hospital. Perfect, tell me about it.

Starting point is 01:59:30 Fuck. Yeah, I just love it. Sometimes I finish the episodes and I just sit there and I'm like, sigh. Like, I wanna go there. Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, that was bad. I didn't care.

Starting point is 01:59:41 I think sometimes we do an episode, I'm like, that was the best ever. And I'm like, you guys are fucking, we're all idiots. It is fascinating how like, the idea of planning a trip is so hectic, and then you just plan it, and then like the day comes, you're sitting on the plane,

Starting point is 01:59:58 and you're like, this is the best decision I ever made. It's the best. You're nervous, you're nervous, I'll do it later. If you just, my booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand, I couldn't go,, you're nervous, I'll do it later. If you just, my booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand, I couldn't go, and he goes, you know what, I'm buying a ticket, and then I'm gonna force myself to go from six months from now.

Starting point is 02:00:11 If I have the ticket, I'm going. And he did, and he went. And he's just like, and then that thing, if you get off the plane, you're still in an airport, seems familiar. But when those sliding doors open, you go outside, and there's a little smell difference. And you just feel like the signs are in a different color.

Starting point is 02:00:25 And you're just like, oh, here we go. It hits you and you're like, oh. And you just gotta get by. The cab drivers are trying to hustle you and you're just like, oh, it's just the best. Yeah, God, it's good, yeah. We had a taxi took us in Vietnam straight to a bird, an animal place set at Hookers in the back.

Starting point is 02:00:46 So, pet shop front, Hooker back. So. How did those go together? Just what a combo. Hey kid, play with the puppies. Dad's gonna go in the back. It was kinda like, can you see those Pizza Hut Baskin Robbins or whatever, where there's that merger

Starting point is 02:01:02 or whatever? Uh huh, yeah. You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple Uh-huh. Yeah, you're like, yeah Scoops in a wing Piece of pie and a fucking in a gerbil Ari Shafir man, you are endlessly continue to create content man and put your comment out in the world man And um, yeah, trying to have fun yeah you always do thanks for coming and hanging out man yeah When I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little

This Past Weekend - E561 Ari Shaffir

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