This Past Weekend - Mark Normand | This Past Weekend #258

Episode Date: January 30, 2020

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_    Mark Normand https://instagram.com/marknormand   See him the day this episode goes live at La Jolla Comedy Club. http://marknormandcomedy.com/#schedule   ----------------------------------------------------------- This episode brought to you by…   Capterra  https://Capterra.com/THEO to try for free today   ----------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis -----------------------------------------------------------   Music   “Shine” - Bishop Gunn  http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn    -----------------------------------------------------------   Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon  Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Amy Love Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Bench Dog Wood Shop Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Lee's Flip Flops Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Christopher Becking Christopher Burton Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal David Christopher Dentist the menace Devin James Cornwell Dionne Enoch Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary HAPIteeth J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune myinitialsareOKbutimnot Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Scott Turnbull Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Tanner Kattenhorn Tanner Marvel Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Vanessa Amaya Vince Gonsalves Vincent Gil Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's guest is a fellow Louisiana native comedian He is He is one of a kind you can see him tonight at the La Jolla comedy store in San Diego And touring all across America ladies and gentlemen mr. Mark Norman Going for it. Yeah, I just like having I Don't know what it is man this year. I got I started feeling like so uncomfortable sometimes that sometimes it gives me like a little bit of like a I don't know if it almost makes me feel like I'm in like the skies almost I do the same with sunglasses. Do you feel better with sunglasses on it's like a poker game

I don't want you to know what I'm doing. You know, yeah Yeah, I think I have this constant perception of this constant fear something that everybody knows what I'm thinking even though They don't do I just that's why I can't look people in the eye because I feel like they're gonna see it in my head Oh, yeah, you know weird. This is all gold by the way. We're missing it. No, we got it. We got it. Oh shit I blew it No, these shares are Yeah This is nice man. Good digs. Yeah, thanks, man

We've been a little over three years that we've been podcasting now. This is the new medium. This is changing the game, you know It's interesting, huh? Yeah, New York is way behind Yeah, why is that? Do you feel like New York is behind in the podcast world? Well, we're such purest cunts, you know We we think we're cool and great and it's all about the art and then over here you guys are like Well, I'd like to make some money. Yeah, you know and we don't have any money. Look at David tell David tell is Brilliant comedian funniest guy on the planet. He's walking around with a CVS bag. Yeah, and a black hoodie on and we said he had graffiti on his back Yeah, he probably fell asleep but a train station and then Joe Rogan is you know driving 17 cars and

Living in a warehouse, you know, yeah, so drinking space blood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so we got a we got to take a little Note from you guys on that. Yeah, but do you it's kind of picking up you have a podcast? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, Tuesdays with stories, baby. It's cooking finally and and I know people love Chris DiStefano and Yannis's podcast. They're killing it. They're killing it Tim Dillon We got what he might have moved here actually he moved here. He moved here at Fat Homo. I know damn it Well, you got we got Schultz. Yeah, you got Schultz over there. All right. All right. Yeah, he's got that I know it kills that guy's a marketing guru He's wild, bro. He's such a sand Christian, isn't he doesn't even you look at him

He has a very well if you look at Andrew Schultz, where do you feel like he's from? I feel like he has the most ambiguous, yeah, I don't know what ambiguous means Joey Middle Eastern II or could be Italian could be Russian Yeah, you're right. And he's got the cheese stash and that throws you off. It's his Uber driver. Is he a DJ? Yeah, yeah Drop Uber black though. Yes. Yes, exactly And he would know about all the cool nightclubs and shit. He'd have he'd have some probably some pussy in the trunk Oh trunk pussy, that's the best kind something would be in the trunk. That was for sale if he were driving uber black, right? Right. Yes, like old VCRs or some shit or blu-ray. How many have blu-ray? What is blu-ray? I've always heard about it. Is that the uber black of DVD?

I think it is I think it's just something else that they try to like really upsell people because I don't think it really Blue rain ever really took off. Well, I worked at blockbuster not bragging and there was like the blu-ray section was like Oh shit, look at this guy. It was like VIP. It was velvet roped and had bottle service over there. It was different But I never got it Dude, yeah, I never I never had blu-ray. Actually, it scared me because it seemed like it wasn't gonna catch on. Yes. Yes Exactly, exactly. That's why I never did it like Bitcoin. Yeah, I heard there was a sorry There was a huge fight in the beginning between HD DVDs and blu-ray They were kind of like similar both better than regular DVDs, but blu-ray won because the porn industry adopted it. Oh

Porn is big. Mm-hmm porn is so powerful. Do you watch I try not to watch but I have watched probably within the last 11 hours Same same. Yeah, I had a blocker on my phone and it quit working when I once the blocker worked on my phone It worked for about two and a half years. You had a cock blocker. Yeah, wow Oh, bro, it wiped it out of my eye. There was no I can't access it on my computer, but on my phone I can and I need to get a new blocker. Yeah When I got the phone blocker, I was off for months and months Well, you know porn is dangerous because if you don't watch it for five days and then you look at it again You're like whoa, like it comes all back to you like this is amazing, but it's bad for you. It's hits all the senses

It's too much. It's like ketchup. It's too dark. Yeah. Yeah, and you can see anal and Asians and Jews Oh, it's tough and are there is there a Jew section on there? I don't know. There should be this should be like like Nazi porn. Yeah, there's every other kind of porn There's racist porn. There is that's a category racist. Yeah, and it's like, you know Oh, they got the Asian they throw an egg rolls at her and shit. Oh, I mean, I didn't make that up. That's real Yeah, no, let's see. It doesn't seem like something you would just fabricate if it was it'd be pretty good China has Nazi theme bars. Oh, I could see that. Yeah, but it's not like we hate Jews It's just they are existed and you know, that's a theme the China have do you've been over there to do stand I did some

Shanghai and I saw the Great Wall and all that. Yeah, not a not a humorous people Mm-hmm. I mean, we're doing better now with the the alley Wong's. Is she Chinese? Oh Boy, here we go. I'm Shane Gillis thing right now, but yeah. Yeah, he's enough. I think Yeah, something's up Ronnie Chang. He's got to be Chinese. He's got to be Chinese if he's not Chinese dude, then we quit Yeah, he's if he's not Chinese. He's Russian one. Oh, she's from Pacific ice. He's from San Francisco. Oh, so there you go Yeah, that's Chinatown. Yeah, that's the troll. That's the trolley Chinese. They call him. She's very very funny big fan of the Wong Yeah Oh Kobe so I went in a porn hub last night

I went into the search because I like the compilations and Kobe Bryant was the first First thing that popped up Wow in that while that means that's how people mourn people want to get in there and see Kobe Bryant pornography women that look like Kobe or is it is it men? I didn't I didn't click on it, but I think it's I think I guess ladies or gay guys are like I want to fuck or watch a Kobe like guy fuck I'm sure there's a lot of men who are getting Like kind of lean gay men who are black men tall men. Yeah getting probably extra work right now Yes, sport circuit. Yes. Isn't that weird like this guy died. Let's bring him in. Yeah, do you have a jersey come on over?

Yeah, I wouldn't think like that. You know, I liked Ralphie Mae, but I'm not Googling that although he's not sexy, but yeah, but I'm not gonna eat 40 ties and dinners and jerk off Exactly Exactly an RIP Ralphie man. That's so crazy. How it's so wild how quickly Someone goes from being here to being gone. Isn't it's just so yeah, yeah, yeah And it's an eye-opener. You kind of go shit. I could go in any minute I got family and then my friends and what if they go and yeah, he had a lot more to do I feel like do you yeah, that's the feeling and also and also that he just got done really working like yeah

You know that whole stretch of like being a Athlete like even though it's glorified and stuff a lot of times and it's a popular job and people love seeing it It's also it's still a ton of work. It's like oh, yeah I mean he played in the summer leagues you played on the Olympic teams and that was working for 20 years Totally totally and it's kind of why he crashed because he was he was doing so much that he couldn't sit in LA traffic So he had to get helicopters, but I'm not a big NBA guy But I watched his documentary and it blew my mind because it relates to stand-up you can put a you know a Parallel and just hard-working and what there's a story of him

He went to basketball camp as a kid and like three months of camp didn't score one basket Not one and he said he felt like he's let his dad down because his dad was a player He let his uncle down and then he just kept working and became the best Yeah, I think that's one thing that like because I would have never been a big Kobe fan I was a big Jordan fan. Yeah, you know Zion's got me back into the embassies. I'm with the pelts. I like Zion. Yeah, it's exciting But I always marveled at how what how he had people from around the world really gravitated towards him Yeah, and I marveled at his work ethic it just seemed

like there was nobody else like in the fourth quarter of games and stuff who was Who it seemed like not only wanted the ball, but it was good was gonna be able to handle it better than anybody Yeah, yeah, and he was tough and scary and competitive, but I feel like it as he grew he got more gentle and Loving like he would shout out to the younger guys like you're doing great and we've all been you know when you start out and stand up You're like who's this young come guzzler coming up on my heels and then after a while You're like wait, I'm good. He's good. Why can't we all be good? Yeah, and I'm gonna give a nice tweet Do you think like was there something that like like say when like a death like that happens?

Is there something that you kind of think like like I sometimes I wonder like where does it hit me like does it hit me that I'm like Like scared of like leaving scared of missing people like I wonder like what is it about like specifically about death that like You know really gets me the most well I think it's a couple things one. It's it's just so final. There's no like next try or let me redo and then right There's no more email. There's not like another you don't get another email nothing nothing You know you write a bad tweet you delete it. You write another one. This is it your typos out there to you want to be you want to have put like a a

Little dent on the earth a little bit like have some videos some photos some change and he's got kids The whole thing sucks It should have been should have been curry That are you think no, I'm joking. I'm joking. It would have been to ours I think if you if it would have been Sam Perkins, you remember him from the Sonics I'm gonna bring up Wow pull up perky. Yeah, it's been a while. He's one of the first Extremely stoned players to play well, but also Kobe. He shot a three into the stands one time. No Yeah, wow, that's yeah one of a kind of death for that. I was picturing a white guy

Sam Perkins, I don't remember him. Oh, yeah, one of a kind dude And he definitely oh look at those corals he has in that yeah, it's sideways like a diagonal corn Yeah, like they're kind of like the Asian corn like when they planted on the mountain He played at North Carolina with Michael Jordan, too He was one of a kind So cool. Is there is there a lie sometimes I you know what I sadly is when I think about dying I don't want to have like lies out there that I've told. Oh, yeah Because if everything's just at that point, it's like when you it's all coming out. Yeah

Oh, yeah, that's it and you can't fix anything. You have no control and if you die like that That's it. Yeah, that's how you're dead. You're fucked. Yeah I used to think sometimes whenever however you die that that's how you like are in heaven So I like this, you know, yeah, then you got to walk around like that You know, yeah, but isn't heaven supposed to be perfect and great and all that. Yeah But I don't think they do like a lot of like chiropractic work. Yeah, they're not doing Botox and shit Yeah, they're not remodeling you before you get there You show up like if you got hit by a train, you know, you're that but that means everybody in heaven is gonna be all

Wacky and shit-faced and weird and run flat from being run over or smushed. Yeah, I think it'll be fun Yeah, I gotta know immediately what happened to the guy Right, I guess you got a bunch of dog bites on you. That's a tough way Yeah, you got a bullet hole right here. Oh, yeah, you're gonna know immediately. Yeah, people have that bullet hole Some guys walk around with a spear he's 500 years old musket wound Scurvy AIDS. Yeah, it's so scary man. It's just so and just I Has no control you have no control over it either and when I got back to LA I felt it I really felt it at the airport. It was like, oh man, like, you know, there's just so many Kobe fans

I know I know many and it's kind of nice that in this world of canceling and PC and all that that he He got in trouble for whatever he did. I don't want to get into it. Yeah, and we can still Mourn the guy. We don't have to sit there and go. Well, actually, it's like shut up. Let us have this the guy's dead enough with your bullshit Right, you know, well, yeah, and I think that it's one of the reminder. Yeah, it's like almost this It's almost like this so necessary a reminder for humanity that We all have so many mistakes. Yes Yes, there's this there's this weird like pressure, especially with social media where it's This perfection that's not yeah, it's so unrealistic

I know like in the 90s. It was hey, nobody's perfect and now it's hey if you're not perfect We'll figure it out and kill you. Yeah, and then it's a noiseman. I don't want to get too Queefy on here, but these douches on Twitter that just shit on you your homopho you're racist you suck You get blah blah and then I got kills himself and they go hey if you're feeling sad reach out What do you do about it? Like you did this. You're the you're the piece of shit. You're the poison out here You're ruining a stop yelling at me you fucking whore Ah drives me crazy Joe I was listening of Rogan last night at the comedy store and honestly like he has some new material that some of the

No joke some of the best stuff. I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. Wow It's just so good man And it's it's it's exactly about like that kind of stuff to cancel culture in this the level like how just it's some people That are doing all of this yes the loud voices. Yeah, yeah And then what's weird is when you know, you see these people on Twitter going oh shut up cancel cultures Not a thing get over yourself and you're like well, I mean it's we're talking about it right now Therefore it's probably exists. I don't remember hearing this term 10 years ago, right? So it's obviously there people are getting fired and you know killing themselves and shit. So something's up. Well, it's weird

It's like if you Well, like it's funny because even like with Ari Shafir, you know with Ari's tweet and Ari's Yes, you know, and it just came up on TMZ. I just saw somebody sent me a link I don't know something just happened today with it, but um It was like oh wow this guy is you know Ari is getting can't he's Like he's getting canceled in the in a sense of like I think a lot of people who maybe didn't even know about him Yeah, yeah, yeah are now just they hear his name and that he's that it's no good that he's right right You get a stigma. You're done kind of I think a lot of his fans who were his fans for his dark edge

Yes, I'll and his like totally graveyard sort of Alfred Hitchcock Kind of you know his ambiance. Yeah, yeah ambiance stick or they're they they are probably they love it They have to be accepting of it at least if they know that that's what he's in. Yes. Yes Um, what was that? What was uh, there was a we had a video question one of our listeners sent in about this, okay? Oh, hey guys Hey, Theo. Hi mark. Love you guys both. This is Ivan. Hey, hey, Castle, Texas. Hey, Ivan huge Tuesday. Ah, that's my pod and Which is wondering what mark thought about the Kobe video that Ari Shafir did I know Theo Vaughn said in his podcast that it was just a whole massive situation that you know children died it

You know that there is free speech but to expect, you know the the wrath and Consequences that will come from that and I was just wondering what mark thought since I know They're both good friends and I know like Ari mark likes to push the envelope to in his comedy and Oh, yeah, it's a real mailman. Hey. Yeah, funny. Maybe should it have just been a Twitter draft I don't know. Let me let me know what you guys think and please come to a pass. Oh I the border loves you. I think the border loves you Yeah, I love the honest you guys both. Yeah gang gang gang. I haven't thank you brother. It's a good It's nice that he listens to both of our podcasts. It is nice. Yeah pots are big

But if you really want to know my Ari thing, I just think I who gives a fuck. He's he's a he's a dirt bag This is his thing. He's a friend of mine. This is he's always done this and for some reason his Kobe one really hit home with people and so he just He's always made these kind of jokes when someone dies, but for some reason this one is sticking Yeah, and I don't give a shit, you know, he he's not a bad guy. That's the thing about Ari He gives back he gives so much but people just know him as this, you know friend dosing Kobe joke making guy with a lot of people are well, that's the thing about some of the Kansas culture stuff It's like you

You get introduced to people for the first only is a bad guy Yes, and I don't want to say any names with somebody gave out his address Oh, wow, and it's a person we know and you want to be like hey dickless. What are you doing? Like you didn't you're a cop you know what he's doing stop trying to get on other people's side by I know you're angry But like also you're introducing people to Ari's joke because you're actually spreading it more you think it's so evil Why would you want more people to see it? Yeah, you know and it's just so backwards and giving out his address is basically What he's doing to Kobe so now you're just doing the thing he's doing So you're just as guilty and just as big of a piece of shit or maybe more because at least Ari was trying to be humorous

Yeah, I mean he's a horrible comedian, so he's not gonna be funny But at least he was trying he doesn't he's not hurting anybody the guy's dead But the other guy giving out the address that could actually cause violence. Yeah, but if somebody shows up over there Yeah, yeah, and then then we should tweet out your fucking address. How about that? Yeah, and then when does it in? Yeah? Yeah, you fucking chuch. Yeah, it's so funny because Ari isn't nice like always living stay at his place I didn't even know Ari very well. Yes, let me stay there for two weeks when I was in needed a place to stay in New York I mean, that's a nice thing to do. Yeah, he's a nice thing stay in you know, you can stay in my place I don't even think he charged me any you know didn't even make me pay anything. I mean, right

What do you think about the dosing with Bert because that really a lot of people are on the fence on on the big heave And then that just pushed him over into the into Mexico. Yeah, I think I don't know enough about the dosing But I just think as far as like surprising somebody with some drugs I think that's kind of sometimes I'm like, is that some of the world that they all live in though? I don't know what their previous history with it is if they're like, you know slipping in you know, you know, you know You know sprinkling some you know some of that fucking brain glitter some PCP, you know, I don't know what they're doing I don't know how much they're secretly hiding acid in each other's ass Like when I was growing up, they had a thing for a while

Girls, you know, LSD in the vagina. Yeah A dick trip your dick will go in and get all burning man. That was the thing. Yeah Whoa girl was tripping then you get in there and get some of the trip Whoa, it was just real. I don't mind a trip, but I don't want it through my dick hole. That's that's a weird suppose It's a wild entrance. That's a front deposit. Yeah, holy hell Oh, there's Nick big Nick's a creeper. Well, he's a premature baby, dude So he's making up for lost. Oh, are you a preemie? Well, you came out good. That's what I'm saying, man Why a lot of these guys going 36 and Nick got out early, but Nick is a hard worker. Oh, yeah

I was like a c-sex really. Oh, yeah, I came out through the fucking roof. Oh, wow I guess maybe that's the moon roof or something. I didn't come out the door I could see that I could see you being like, I don't know, you know, is this the best thoroughfare, right? Let me see what else is going on here. You've all touched your mom's veg. I haven't touched. Well, maybe you've touched my mom's She's a big slut, but I haven't touched my mom's vagina, which feels pretty good. Oh, yeah Oh, I guess I could see that. Yeah, there is always a weird element I think sometimes when I look at my mom and she and I both know what I did. Yeah. Yeah, you ruined her labia Yeah, for a while if they say it goes back

Yeah, I hear it's never exactly the same, but that's my buddy said that. Oh Well, maybe had a big kid or something. Yeah, he said that because I've we've all banged some milfs and it didn't feel that different Yeah, I don't have any feelings and in my penis at all. I don't feel Come on. I don't think so. I mean it all so many of the nerves are in my brain that it's so it's like if I think hard enough I can feel something but otherwise it's kind of like, uh, wait, are you serious? Yeah, I'm just not I mean, yeah You're not very sensitive downtown. I don't think so. I don't know. What? You're not jizzing all over? No, really? Oh, I put it in. I'm done Yeah, I mean and don't worry. I got the brain stuff too. I'm going. I hate myself. I'm tiny. I'm gay all this shit But yeah, I don't have the oh you got the band back together. Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, my dick's like a like a girl at seeing the notebook. It's just weeping It's bad But the first time I ever had sex. I remember getting right up like literally my penis was right outside of this girl's Vagina yes, and it just like sneezed ejaculate, you know, just like like it was So it hit the out so it was pressure washed oh definitely And it was like it was almost like my penis like I'm too sick to handle this just vomit it outside of this girl's Yeah entryway you puked at the table you didn't even get to the buffet Oh, I didn't get there. Oh, man. You're golden corraled and we were so ready everybody was so ready

So then I had to pretend like I was so ready, bro And that was crazy because I had to like oh hold on. I don't want to just do this Yeah, make up this long story right and then I finally just got honest with her and and she's my like cigarettes as well But I honest I then I got honest with her and I said look I already I'm done. Yeah, blue. I'm done condom. No condom Oh, so she didn't she didn't feel the big splooge of mayo She might have she I think I think she was gonna be a nice cuz it kind of You know out like right in the hallway, right? I got in the foyer. Ah, yes, you're in the lobby. Yeah, damn a lobby

I was in the lobby. Oh Killer so I gotta say I've known you for 38 years now and You're you're really getting more comfortable as you the more every year that goes by you're getting more Well at one with yourself. Well, thanks, man, and it's it's inspiring Thanks, bro Cuz you know in the beginning of comedy we all kind of pretend like we're cool and we're not nervous and we don't give a fuck But we're freaking out the whole time. Oh, yeah, you know, but now I feel like you're owning you which is very healthy Thanks, man. I'm trying to do better at it. It's definitely yeah

It's been something, you know, like I've been on that path of like or not a path But you know, I got sober a couple years ago. Yeah into that world. And so that kind of stuff made me start to like I Don't know. It's been it's definitely helped me with trying not to be so Like I used to be so much more angry. I'm still kind of edgy about business and stuff Oh, yeah, same here, but um, I don't know anything about it. I feel like they're taking advantage of me Yeah, yeah, dude, but I used to be on stage and always I felt like I had this thing that like I had to prove or something Yeah Yeah, it's been interesting man

But but that's interesting about learning as we grow and growing into our voice like when I watched you on On Joe Rogan. I was like, oh my god, dude. This guy is like such a Just one just like something I can't even tell what area your friend. Well, I was I was nervous. Don't get me wrong Oh, dude, totally, right? Yeah, you were oh my god. You couldn't tell you were cool as a cue I was so nervous. Well, I think you channeled the nerves into you into like just you on steroids They're like you popped You did too. I mean a lot of people. Oh, yeah, the response was great from you being on. I had a good response

But you know, I still I got a ways to go I feel like you've honed a thing and I'm still I'm still in the path of honing I think but I think you're such a but I think one to the thing that we start to realize is That yeah, we're already kind of what maybe where we need to be in some ways I mean, I think you're such a unique. I mean, there's just nobody who's who's has the same It's not only the jokes, but it's also you kind of your ambiance meeting up with this. Mm-hmm this uncomfortable You know, I'm a couple right now. Yeah, I know we're blowing each other so relatable man

Really? I feel like I'm so weird and different. I don't know. It's all very strange And we don't know what we're doing, but the journey is the fun part. We got to stop and realize that, you know We're we're we're gonna be 88 one day We're gonna be like Mel Brooks and fucking Carl Reiner going those were great times I wish we had stopped and soaked it in a little do you think as comics it's hard to enjoy stuff though Oh completely. You're just worried about the next thing. You're always seeing about the future. When's my next gig? What's this? This is guy hate me. I gotta I gotta make up with him that girl's yelling at me I gotta work on that but just think like remember back at Lucy's. Yeah, we were on the fucking

Yeah, we did Lucy's yeah, that's a bar in New Orleans that had an upstairs show Yeah, great room for a great room great room, but I didn't know what was going on I knew you had done some stuff. So that was exciting, but now you're in I mean your studio and fucking LA Yeah, we're both here quite a roller coaster of anal. I mean a lot has happened. Yeah, that's crazy Who's coming next here? Yeah, you're lucky to be alive you fucking water, baby Yeah, we're glad to have you though. I'm glad your mom didn't get in the borscht. Yeah, that's true Oh, she thought about it. Yeah, I'm sure she has some encouragement. She was supposed to stop having kids She's schizophrenic. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Oh, it's all good making all the jokes you want. She's single

All right. I love a crazy broad. Yeah, Mark will date one of her. Yeah Yeah, yeah, man. Well, that was so while coming up in that time. I guess in New Orleans I don't know. I felt like you guys had like such a close-knit group there and I Didn't really kind of fit in but I but I But I did start doing comedy there in Lucy's and In brown that that little bar that was downstairs next door across the street Oh, yeah, originally said a sign on the stage that said brown on it. Yeah, what was that? It was like a Wednesday night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and the guy's like we didn't make any money tonight

You just after him buy drinks. It's what he told me. Oh shit about like 19 drinks. Yeah, two of them. Yeah Yeah, you had to pay to perform when you when you were new yeah, cuz you were like you were in the way like they're like You're lucky. We're letting you do this here. It was no scene really. No, no that barely is now, but it's better But yeah, it's stand-up. It didn't even seem like a way to make a living It was just like let me try this it's something to do because all we did was drink Yeah, and try to get laid and drive around drunk and you know do blow or whatever, but like Stand-up was just it felt like let me try this thing. I got nothing going on. Yeah Yeah, girls don't like me. Maybe this will be some way yeah women and yeah

And then my friends like I'm moving to York and I said well I got nothing else going on it was almost kind of helped being desperate and worthless and a loser Yeah, because you had nothing attached to you and you're like fuck it. I'll go to New York City. What's the difference? Yeah I could go up there to stay. Yeah, it's almost like yeah, what other really? Yeah, it's like you almost have to be at this Low space in yourself. Yes, because I'll take anything right right right right because moving to New York I don't know that was so scary. I didn't do that. You didn't do that. I moved to LA Ah, but yeah, I knew I got mugged three times in a year. You know, you're so poor

You're so worthless and you don't know the city and it's before smartphones and my landlord died of AIDS I got bedbugs. I mean the whole thing was bananas. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, but you're just so young and drunk the whole time You're like man, this is life. I'm an adult. Yeah, well you guys I feel like now That's a different side where I think I would understand you guys holding on to the culture more of comedy like the the You know the sort of British regalia of it all right because you guys really go through it there in New York Like you're sleeping on top of you know Yeah fat guys back for $20 a night sure really whereas in LA. It's like you can even if you're in the park here It's nice. Yeah, that's right the weather

I do I got to tell you I'm pitching these shows It'll never get sold and I'm at the Fox lot and you walk in as a big parking lot. It's a beautiful day This is open-air courtyard all these girls have their shoes kicked off They get their feet up on the table there. They're smoking vape pens. They're drinking a coffee. They got the sunglasses on I'm like, you don't know what you got. This is amazing. You don't appreciate any of it This is your job. You're getting paid probably like a hundred grand a year working at TV. You're in show business You got your shoes off at work. Yeah, you're living it living it and they don't even know they're like Uber Eats is taking a while and you're like shut up. You're living the dream

What are you crazy? You got a Tesla. Yeah, I have a moped. Oh, man, it blows my mind, but that's LA I mean, I get it. I'm an idiot. I'm the weirdo. I should have moved here because what would you have? But you couldn't have done it different. Yeah, you're right. You're right You gotta go that way. It's just like you just couldn't have done it different like you couldn't have gotten you got to go with your gut Like you got to be in New York I mean you got sure in like it had to be as you're growing over there and as you're getting more opportunities You're like, holy shit like because in LA It's like you see people that are that have a different type of talent than you

Yes, people that aren't ready that don't have that a lot of times do not have some talent sure and you see them get huge Opportunity, right, you know and it and and everybody kind of backs it up. There's more of this PR kind of bull LA almost feels like a high school Extended, you know, it's like cool clothes cool cars cool guy sneakers Alpha he wins he wins. Yeah. Yeah, we're in New York It's it feels more like oh, that was a clever take on that joke and it was it feels more arty a little bit Like a little more intellectually like like David tell as I mentioned, he looks like a hobo, right? But he's this brilliant guy, you know, he's a let yeah

Yeah, you always have somebody like that. Yeah building that makes you check that checks the all the level. Yes It's like even if he's not personally doing it. It's just him being there, right? There's a ceiling as to what's going on Yeah, but then you go to the commie store I'm in the main room green room and you're like look all these sexy dudes, you know, like Brennan shops a fucking Chiseled fat bitch. Yeah, like he's got the slick hair the cool shoes got a chain on away. I would never even think to put on a Chain white part of bacon. Yeah, the white part of bacon still good, but damn boy Yeah, yeah, a little thick and not good for you. Yeah, he's a thick crust And he's got the cheese in there, too

You know you stretch it and it pulls But yeah I know I know but he's like seven foot one. He's got a huge piece of fat ass It's crazy one leg dude is other that it's a it's a fucking penis with a knee on Wow, he's got a bendy dick. Yeah, he's got ligaments. Oh, dude. Yeah, he can stand on his dick It's a kickstand a dickstand, you know, it's amazing about Brendan man and Because you know do the king of the same podcast and it's like

He's like to go from football right to fighting mm-hmm, which you would never even imagine if you talked to him that he was a UFC fighter I feel I know he's so sweet. Yeah, it's like he's he's like he's kind of like that American dream in a weird way of like that If you work hard You can get you can make things happen, you know, yeah, like he never stops working, right? You know, it's crazy He works so hard, bro. It's crazy like he's he's up in the morning. He's on that bike. He's got his family He's flying to Columbus this weekend. He's coming back. He's doing this podcast He's doing that and he keeps a good attitude. Yes Positivity is very underrated. Yeah. Yeah, he's very positive. He looks good the whole time

He's always smile. You never see him like fuck this shit. Yeah, and you're right He does work and and that and that that vibe that he has that's one of the things that I think a younger generation comedy that they attract to more because they don't They don't have this kind of left like this To them it's all like about it's more fun. Yes, let's have fun. It doesn't matter who we are What's going on? Let's have a good time and that's what he has. Yeah, whereas some of the old some of the others or we're like Oh man, you know, yeah, yeah, somebody, you know some I have these this doldrum inside of me And that's what keeps me going not to mention people watch the news all day

It's nothing but shootings and death and politics and Trump and all this shit coming at you See when you see this fun loving happy go lucky guy, you're like, all right It's like oh, I feel a little better like I can breathe a little then you know Cuz some guys you watch like Bill Byrne. It's just like dude. I fucking kill you your mom's a cunt and your dad's gay and all And you're like, all right, all right You're like, yeah, I did it. I did it. Yeah, exactly. Don't hurt me You feel like he's gonna give you a wedgie. Yeah, and then you see Shab and you're like, all right It's like a it's like a golden retriever. Oh, yeah, he's kind of like a Chewbacca. Ah, yes

That broken like a Claire's boutique. It will not leave No matter what bro. Yeah, we're open 24 hours a day now. Yeah, if a Chewbacca ran through a Armani exchange Yeah, and shit stuck to him. Yeah, he's a he's a cool dude. I texted with him today. He's a good egg He is a good egg like I did his podcast once and this is the complete contrast of New York I pull in it's a sunny day. He pulls in red Ferrari I see one fucking giant shoe of an Air Jordan hit the concrete. I'm like, oh, who's this Tom Cruise? You know, and it's fucking him like you're a comic But it's a it's a different era. Yeah, they did. Yeah, he's in that

I don't know they just I wish sometimes that I had like the clothing confidence of like yeah deli in there I know they're so sexy. God. I'm just like this is fit. This is never fit That's the only thing I ever think when I put something. Yeah, maybe like we went to public school. Yeah I got I have every time I'm in a dressing room at like a gap I put something on like a jean jacket and I go, hey, this looks pretty good and all I hear is eight friends going What the fuck do you think you're doing you think you can pull that off you fucking loser your piece of shit? Hey, you kill yourself. I'm like, all right. There we go. That was a fun moment and you put that shit right back on the hanger Most of my stuff is going out into the like once you go out to the other mirrors outside of your room

Yes, yes and asking people if I'm a medium or a large and then just fucking I start sweating so bad Yes, and then I go home. Yeah in your own mirror. You're killing you're like John Travolta You know you got your hair there the fucking blow dryer going and then when you get outside You're like, what am I doing? Yeah, this is what this is wrong. This is never this has never worked But if you owned it people would believe it, but it's you it's in you. It's true The thing that doesn't fit is in me man the medium the large that's all in there the extra small That's all going on inside of me, right? Whether it's a turtleneck or a fucking sheepskin vest You know exactly and then that's why like ladies will gravitate to some

Like ill dressed ill-fitting weirdo. He's like he owns it. Yeah, you're like, oh, yeah, that's the key, isn't it? Yeah, you just gotta just gotta make your own Yeah, that guy's a tire jack as a hat, but he owns it. He owns it, baby That guy's got a yarmulke on gross, but he owns it. Yeah, that hair wallet. That's what I used to call it Do uh What did you like did you like growing up in New Orleans because you had a while It was tough because I grew up outside of there a lot of times people, you know Be like, oh you and Mark Norman know each other right no mark and I know like, you know

I remember different guys from there while Bill that well. Oh, yeah, Bill Dykes. Yeah, Bill Dykes Um, who else was there? Scotland Green was over there Scotland. He's funny. Yeah, a really neat guy. I haven't seen I know you I know you've seen him in New York over the years Um, and then number Patton remember there was Neil Stanstein. Oh, yeah, of course Patton. Yeah, Sean Patton Fouché, Dane Fouché. Oh, Dane Fouché. Yeah, with the beard. He was funny. Yeah, he was so nice, too Yeah, that was back when like if you were doing comedy back then you loved comedy because now it's kind of hip and it's a fad and everybody's like Oh for my new year's resolution. I'll do stand-up. You're like, ah get out of here. Yeah, you don't like it. Yeah, yeah But we had we had to do it. We was like in us, you know, and we weren't making any money

But yeah, those guys all I looked up to all you guys because you guys were a little older You'd been on stage a few times and I didn't even know how to pull the mic out like you forget That's all you have to learn all that shit. Yeah, you know, and I saw you you were so cool and collected up there Oh, it's so funny. I think I had like I remember your bit still. Aren't we all under the weather? Yeah the old dad I remember all of them. Yeah, because I didn't know how to write a joke. So I would just study and like, oh, that's what you do Oh, that's pretty good. Okay, and then I would go up there and bomb I don't think you bomb. Do you? Boy did I bomb for four years

I mean, I had a couple like out of 10 minutes. You know, you had some good Chuck. It was obvious that you were into it though I was into it. I was hooked. Yeah, because I had nothing going on and I'm and I was jealous I thought you were like this Jewish kid and I was like, oh man. Look at this Another young Jew gonna sneak up red in New York and make it happen. You know some kind of nepotism or just Jewish magic Right. Yeah. Yeah, but you weren't that Yiddish dust. Yeah, bro. But no, nothing. You probably quarter Yidd. You might have hidden Yidd I got a little little something in me crouching tiger Yiddin mark. I think I got no foreskin. That's for sure Oh, damn. Yeah, so that part of me is a little Jewish, but uh, I wish I'm a big fan of the the Jews I love a a semit. Yeah, but the funny thing is about like a lot of Jewish people. It's like, oh, they act like they're so good at everything

And then they are That's the funny thing sometimes I think that's why people hate them You got to realize they're six percent of the country and they're killing everything They got the media the banks lawyers doctors Accounting all that shit. It's all Jews. Yeah, uh Six percent, but then also there's a dark side of having a Jewish buddy A one spoon of bad yogurt and you don't see him for, you know, oh good point. Good point. Yeah. Yeah, you give one of an avocado

He's gonna break out no reaction. It's true. They got the allergies real bad Yeah, yeah, you give him a fucking half of a mango and he breaks out into christianity Yeah, you just got some sand christian wandering around. Yeah, not to mention isis But yeah, but it's weird because jerusalem. It's all these swarthy tan And dark haired sexy beast and then you go to brooklyn at some guy at a diner going, uh, if this says dairy in it I'll kill myself or whatever. So it's a weird, uh, contradict Yeah, totally. Yeah, it's a different the american jew is different. I think than the uh, yes. Yeah, exactly exactly OJ original jews over there. Oh, oh, i see or israel people from israel. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. The home to home team

But we didn't have we didn't when I was growing up We didn't have any jewish people around us. My mom dated a jewish black guy for a little while in zolly a sammy davis Yeah, zolly richberg. Zolly richberg. Yeah, wow Took me to my first saint's game or gave you he got his tickets to go to our first saint's game There you go But yeah, we just didn't they didn't have a lot of that around they didn't have a lot of that at least not in covington They yeah, well, I grew up in uh, trimay and I went to dilla sal for high school Oh, wow, my the public schools are getting a little rough. Yeah, so my dad's like you're going to private school

Uh, was that men's dilla sale? No, it was co-ed. Thank god. I think my I think this girl tell you that I used to date Yes, oh, dude. I was in love with her that worked. I was so impressed that you pulled that Yeah, she was a beautiful girl, man. Beautiful still. What is she doing now? I'd love to get a look at her I saw her a couple months ago or a couple like a year ago. It's still beautiful. Yeah. I mean that was back with like there's no Hot girls in New Orleans. I'm sorry. I grew up there. There's like six. It's like the britain of uh, yes Yeah, yeah, they got some rough gumbo mug. It's something's up down there Well, it's just a lot of heat in the food man, and it comes out through the skin It comes out through the pores through the back. That's right. That's right. It's a lot of blotchy sweaty

Fat skanks down there and uh, I mean, I love the people. I'm just saying you're not gonna find a miss new orleans Right, you can't have a lady that's had 9 000 oysters and she's clocking in visually right right She looks like a crawdad at that point, you know, yeah heavy on the crawl Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a real budan mug So a lot of yeah, there's like two and they all leave, you know, they go to fucking houston or something I don't know where they go and she worked at that place lucy's but uh, she did. Yeah, she worked at that's how I met her Wow, she was smoking man. Like she was a humdinger. Yeah, she was a humdinger man. Oh, yeah She was a nice girl. She was really cool. We still communicate once and all she got engaged that thing. Oh good for her. Yep. She got engaged and

Uh, cool family and stuff. Um, what were we talking about? I remember dude I stayed at her house for a while and I used to have this nervous condition. I would urinate in the sink, right? and uh Like on purpose Like you would put your dick in the sink and pee it wouldn't go all the way in but yeah, I would get up there Okay, okay, and um trying to visualize Yeah, yeah, no, no, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, so I go in there and when I was staying at her folks house That's how they the month they busted me

Because the cats oh no And this is why I have issues with cats man because the cats would get over and they would start peeing in the sink and stuff To combat somebody else being in the neighborhood a little territorial. Yeah And so they're like they cornered me one time at breakfast like you peeing in the sink, dude Well, how did they know because of the cats man? But how did the cats aren't because I was the only rare I was the rare l I was the the unique element outsider Yes, you're the variable. Yes interesting like why would the cats be peeing in the sink because something's peeing in the sink Wow, that's pretty good detective. I wouldn't I would have just been like these fucking cats or ruin my sink

I wouldn't shout out terry town detectives, bro Tt Terry sounds a good place to get nikes and murdered Yeah, there was one gated community but outside of it. It was hell. I was very ungated. Yes. Yes. Um, wow Yeah, I used to wet the bed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. It's one of the ways. I totally relate to you. I wet the bed forever Is that right? Oh man. Oh shit. That'll give a guy some character. I'll tell you that because you know You got to deal with it. You're like seven at a friend's house. They're all snoozing. It's four in the morning You go, all right. I gotta figure out. I gotta have a game plan. Yes. I learned a game plan. Yeah, so sneaky

Yes, yes, and it makes you realize like hey, this shit ain't fair, but let's do something about it You know, you can't just sit here and go. Oh, what do I do? You know, you got to start I learned how to use a washer dry. I remember reading the instructions inside the dryer door going Oh, okay. All right, you know and uh Flipping sheets flipping mattresses. I at one time I peed the bed at my friend's house and I was just covered in piss Oh, I slept in my clothes covered in piss. I have any extra clothes So I had to go to summer camp with them the next day covered in piss Wet the whole day and I finally dried around lunchtime. Yeah, but I just had to just not let anybody touch me

And I smelled like whiz and and you know older people knew you smell like whiz. That's the crazy thing They knew why I'm seeing summer camp like you want me to play kickball, dude. I'm bugging. Yeah, I'm soaking wet I'm like a tie-dye here, but it's all whiz Um, but yeah, that was a rough time That was the worst waking up at night at a friend's house because you're already so scared to stay at a friend You're so scared to go to sleep Yes Because the only thing I could think of every night if I go to sleep am I going to wet the bed

Exactly And then how's it going to make me feel about myself? It's going to be bad And then you wake up at a friend and it's literally like the worst game show you've ever been one Yeah, yeah, exactly you have to figure out how to dry the sheets Yep Dude, I remember having a lamp one time in somebody's room and I snuck over with the sheet and I just set it over the lamp to dry it to dry where the heat was coming out of the top of the lamp And I would move it over just a little at a time

In that space and I could smell the urine burning off It's like fucking survivor. You got to like figure out that's naked and afraid except you're wet and afraid Yeah And you don't want their mom to wake up even though some of the people's moms probably would have been cool Of course You just didn't want your buddy really to know that was the toughest part I remember one time I went to bed. It was like a big sleepover my friend at this big house It was like eight of us and I woke up and all eight friends were around me standing looking down at me

With the mom and I went, huh? I looked down. I'm covered in pee and they're all staring at me and one of my friends goes Why do you do that? And it just crushed me. You know when you're like nine you're like, I don't know and stop looking at me It was brutal and the mom's like get up get up like she was pissed like you ruined my fucking ceiling Yeah, so yeah, that was tough Why do you do that? It's so worse Tough man tough and then at home. Did you have to clean your own bed? You have to clean the bed off and putting your sheets on at night. Sure. I would flip that mattress

You know constantly you didn't have a covered mattress now because I had it but it was too disheartening every time you sit down It sounded like a bag of Fritos. Yeah, so I got I got to just live with that. I can't live with a crinkle I'll just take the the soaking wet mattress. Yeah. I don't want to hear this. Yeah It's like wearing it. Some people say why don't you wear a diaper because I'm fucking not retarded. All right I'm not wearing a diaper. I'd rather be covered in shit than wear a diaper I can't do it. Dude. That's what I say like about bike helmets like I would rather my father died Getting hit by a car on a bicycle. Yeah, then see my father ever come in the door wearing a bike helmet That helmet's a bad look just sitting up there the plastic yarmulke never looks the same, right? No, no

brutal my dad one time my dad lost his job and We're like, oh shit, you know, it's kind of like scare what's dad gonna do how we're gonna pay the bills I was young and he came in one day with a gumball machine over his shoulder And uh, we're like, what are you doing dad? He's like, hey, you know gotta make ends meet and I was like, oh My dad's a gumball guy. He's the guy like setting up gumballs on a ride eight and then taking the quarters out Like he was he was struggling. Yeah, and I was like, oh This is like your role model, you know, you know, this guy He's wearing a suit and every day and driving a nice car and then one day it's carrying a fucking gumball machine

Damn with stickers in it and shit. Was it embarrassing? Like did you did you have embarrassment like bringing people over to your place and stuff like that? Oh, yeah, my parents are real weirdos like my dad was a bottomless a lot And the old daffy duck Oh, wow. It's a unique vibe, huh? Yeah, well, he didn't know like my friends would be home and so he'd have a t-shirt on with no bottoms And he'd be like, oh, excuse me there larry And I was like, ah

Geez and then my dad and my mommy at weird food So like we never had soda, you know, we never had like lunchables or gushers or any of that fun shit It was always like D what is it? Evaporated milk was over there a lot. We had like we didn't have ranch dressing But we had vinaigrette like in that weird french bottle and it was all stained and gross and yeah Yeah, my mom was a weird chef foodie twat thing and it was it was brutal Damn, you know, some people had like dominoes, you know, we didn't have any of that shit

They're like, that's bad for you which I get now, but at the time you're like, can't we order some pizza hut? You idiots, you know, it's also bad for us having nothing. Yes. Yes. I feel like half a radish in there And you're like, come on. I'm not eating a radish. I'm not I'm eight. You need to be healthy. I'm like, I'll be anything Yeah, yeah I know I know, you know, some people had like doritos. Do you have doritos? Oh, we didn't have no we didn't have any of that poptar all that. She was like gold to me My mom was definitely the same way. She was very health conscious. Yeah, but also like, uh But also, yeah, she wouldn't get us like the the regular stuff that all the other kids had and also

I think some of it was kind of pricey, you know, it's like so some of that came into play But yeah, man, I remember it was always embarrassing the stuff Not only did my like everything else feel felt embarrassing, but the stuff we had to eat Yes, same same and kids are so cruel. Like, why don't you have soda? You're like, oh, I don't know. I'm not coming over. You guys don't have any cookies. You guys don't have any snacks You're not anything. Oh, how about school lunch? I would have a grocery bag Like somebody won a lunch box. I had a grocery bag with all kinds of weird shit in it and a jar of chocolate milk Like a glass jar. Where'd you go to school at the Greyhound station?

Yeah, so this is the worst thing ever. It was bolt bus, but my mom would be like bring that jar back So I was like, all right, so after lunch, I'm the guy with the jar. I'm like, what are you doing with the jar? I'm like, I gotta get it home. I thought I had a kidney in there or some shit. It was brutal It looked like I had moonshine on me Brutal Nick But so Right here even just here in this it creates a world inside of you. It's like so suddenly there's so many more little elements to the world It's like not only am I going to school today, but I have this weird lunch. I have to hide it

I have to make everything look cool. Yeah, so suddenly you're creating like all these levels to the world Yes, and you're getting creative. Yeah, and you're getting creative. You're talking fast. Why do you have a jar? Then you're coming up with shit. You make a joke out of it. You spin the bottle or something You grab a guy's ass just something to get it off of you. You know, you're hiding you're sneaking around. Yes Something to get it off of you. Yes. Yes, and then you develop this weird thing We think everybody's paying attention to what you're doing Yes So you have to always be performing because right even when nobody's looking at you you think everybody is

Yes, so you always are like trying to seem okay trying to seem like this So then right there even inadvertently you get used to being a performer, right without even your own like So then it makes sense that when there's an opportunity to perform somewhere that it's inside of you Or I could do this maybe because I've been oddly doing this forever. That's a great realization right there I heard a great quote about comedy the reason people do stand up is so you can control why people laugh at you And I remember I like heard that and it hit me because it's so true. You don't want them to laugh you for what in the bed But you want them to laugh at you for what you pick, right, you know, and that I think that's a big part of stand-up. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to be able to I have to

I need to have some way of controlling what you think about me Yes So many other things in my life made me feel like I have no control Over why these people are looking at me this way or what's going on right right? Yeah Like all that mom like the weird shit your parents were doing stuff that I had no controller I had to live in this sentence exactly. It was so fucking bizarre totally I mean I had a transgender nanny. I mean we had all kinds of weird shit in my house I my teacher thought I was retarded when I was in a third grade true story

I remember she gave my mom into like come in and be like I swear to god He's not you know, but she was like, why do you think he's retarded and she goes look at this paper and it was you know We were little so it was a page of instruments like drawn like a flute guitar piano, whatever And the the instructions were circle the instruments and I circled them all and I circled a saw like a hand saw And she's like look he's got to be an idiot He circled a saw but I saw a marks brother's movie when I was like seven where he played a saw Yeah, and so I circled the saw because in my mind I'm like, yeah, it's music So when I told my mom that she was like, oh, thank god. I was about to you know, ship you off to Indonesia and have you killed

Yeah, we thought you were an idiot So that was uh, so, you know, it was thinking outside the box was was risky back then. Yeah Yeah, I remember I've told this story before but I had a uh the first kid ever met that had a stutter I thought it was the best thing I'd ever heard. I was like, oh my god. Oh, yeah Who's this magic man, right? It's free entertainment. Yeah. Who's this frickin early? Tiesto Okinfold over here. Who is this guy? Yeah, and uh, and so I it I I I started having a stutter because I thought it was so cool. Isn't that interesting and then I got in trouble for it at school

Oh, because you were mocking it. They thought I was mocking them. I'm like, I'm not mocking him like you don't understand I'm I think this is the neatest thing ever and I love the kid. It was a nice kid named Doug and But they and so that like yeah when they said, you know, you can't do that Right, I was like, you just don't see that there's other ways to do exactly exactly and I get where they're coming from Because I don't hurt the kid, but they didn't see your point of view and you had no maliciousness, right? I didn't have any maliciousness, right? But it's yeah, I don't know man, but growing up in Louisiana was uh It was tough man. I especially in my neighborhood. I don't know you seem kind of You had some white some blacks. It was kind of suburban. It was just kind of poor black and white

But yeah, kind of suburbany just kind of like not redneck. Yeah, just kind of And and I'm not judging the people. It was just a poor poor environment. Sure. Sure. Yeah in Tremay I can't even imagine growing up over there. It was scary. It was pretty scary Like I'm all fidgety because of that shit and my house was robbed constantly and my duplex. No, we had a mansion Yeah, my dad bought a mansion that was dilapidated on Esplanade Avenue right by the french quarter And it used to be like was your dad Ignatius Riley Well, I think if you really want to get into it my dad had a real bad childhood and he's like

He always wanted to make some of himself, but he never really did So then he saw this mansion for cheap cheap cheap because the neighborhood sucked It didn't have plumbing was falling apart those holes in the walls broken windows But it was a mansion But it was a mansion and we also had this BMW when I was a kid had holes in the seats and it was rusted out But it was a BMW. You know n-word rich something we'll call it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so uh Yeah, it was a horrible way to live because everybody thought we were rich We were the white family in the mansion and we moved in they're like, oh these people got to be have money

So we got robbed constantly so my dad installed this alarm system and it would go Like go crazy at like two in the morning I was like eight going well Well, here there's somebody in my living room right now like somebody below me is rifling through our shit and stealing our tv or whatever And you're like he could come up and rape me and have his way with me and blow me at all this And you're putting on nice negligence. Yeah, I'm putting on makeup and perfume and doing my nails and all that shit So it was a skittish way to grow up like we come home a lot and the doors is open You're like fuck we got robbed again

And it's very violating and just you never felt comfortable never because you're like we get robbed right now, you know Yeah Yeah, I can imagine I can't imagine that level of it. You know, yeah, like I think I was like scared a lot but that's uh I don't know if we ever had that Yeah, coming home and being robbed and like just knowing somebody could be in your place I always was scared that somebody was in our place while I was going to bed at night. Yeah. Yeah, that was a look everywhere I'd have to open the closets and I would hook these like cables from one door to the next So like they couldn't open one door because it would the other door would stop it like

Just all this crazy level of checks and balances to just feel like okay. Yeah. I'm good. Yeah, that's cool Well, here's a bad one. We got robbed a bunch So we kept calling the cops and eventually they were like, all right You guys keep calling us. We're just gonna stake out in your kitchen overnight and maybe we'll catch a guy What? So these two cops Playing clothes detectives came and we met them and it was all exciting They had a the belt gun and the badge on the belt thing, you know, the whole thing and uh, I was like, oh my god

I couldn't sleep that I was so excited. I hope they catch the guy. I hope they beat the shit up I've been tased them and all this shit and I'm just laying in bed. It's so excited I finally fall asleep. I wake up at like six in the morning I run downstairs imagining that they're gonna have guys in a headlock and cuffed and put them in the car Yeah, and I run downstairs. They stayed in the kitchen the whole night. They ate everything They ate all the food. So we got robbed again. They ate all the fucking cheerios and the Made pancakes because they got bored and they just ate everything Everything was gone. Look at cops, bro. I know they took the radishes and the chicken bones and all that shit

All the evaporated underfunded dude. They're underfunded. I guess I guess I didn't know that was part of the deal Yeah, brutal brutal. Yeah, New Orleans was tough, man It was a tough time. The scariest part was like the face-to-face crime like my bike got stolen many a time And you know, these are big You know black kids. Urban men. Yes. Yes, you know, they they puberty like four And you know, they got like uh, some mustache going and all this and oh, yeah, they had some early. Yeah One kid named puberty wilson. They had in their neighborhood And this dude, I mean was jacked. Oh, yeah, he was born with a prison tattoo on him. Right, right exactly

Those weren't tear drops. That was a tattoo. It was a different environment. Yeah, the racial environment down there was just It was just black people had nothing right, right I mean nothing and it was hard to realize that at the time like Like now as I get older you see like, oh, okay These people had they didn't had that, you know, like there wasn't any black doctors, right? Right, nothing not in that area. That's for sure. Right. So you didn't have Of course, they wouldn't have any roll mod like it's gonna be very you know, like the the chain of like, um Of pop like the level of poverty you get into not just fiscally

But then beyond that where you get like emotional just having right, right? Yeah Like I would get my bike stolen. I'd run home crying and I go mom They stole my bike. She would go there. They need it. They need it. I was like, what are you crazy? But now I kind of get it, right? But I will say as a white kid growing up like the only white kid in that neighborhood You're the minority, right? You go outside the neighborhood. You're back as a as a white priv Right, you know, but in that neighborhood you're the and it feels bad. Yeah being the minority sucks It's like they can just go. Hey white boy and you're like, ah, which is not even a negative thing It's just I'm a boy who's white, but it's still hurt. Yeah, because I was different because you were different

Yeah, so I kind of I I don't want to say I relate to a lot of shit, but you know, I get it Relatable you can you've had that experience where because that's the end that's the end thing, right? It's just the I'm different. There's there's an easy way to make me feel different. Yeah, you know, I'm not wet Yeah, and then all the rest of it piles on exactly there's more women on earth than men But if one girl is at a party with 50 dudes, she's gonna feel weird. Yeah, you know So the minority is is it's fluid, you know, we just talk about minorities and majority and all that but it Changes depending on your environment. Yeah Yeah, it changes man. And I think yeah, I feel like there's a lot

I feel like when I was growing up there was probably a good bit of And racism kind of felt both ways if you weren't a racist person if you didn't really like, you know, there were some people Who probably hated black people. Yeah, we're like real adamant about it. You know, you know adapted to like old like kind of you know, uh I don't want to say redneck type of stuff because there's redneck people that aren't that way at all That's true But there was a lot of people who didn't and then if you interact with black kids and they were mean It gave you this you're like shit. Well, what do I do? Like I don't right, right?

I don't want to have any ill will but there's also these kids are mean to me. Yes. Yes And they probably didn't have anything else to do like right if you say if you ever where you go It's like everybody has something but you right exactly. I can't imagine with that. You know, I was hanging out with these two guys Uh, marnette and tony they were like my two black friends And we were at the black mall because I slept at their house So we went to their mall and the whole thing and we're playing at the arcade in the mall And one of my friends was doing well at street fighter and I was like, yeah, get up, tony come on Uh, and these two bigger black guys behind me like puberty wilson and uh, oh, yeah

Testosterone jones were like, get up, tony. Yeah, they're like doing the white voice and oh It crushed me It crushed I had to like go in the bathroom. You're like, all right. Take it easy that hurt You know, just go back out there back out there. Yeah, my my two friends were like, don't worry about those guys. They're idiots They're mean. I was like, yeah, yeah, but you because you're already the outsider and then you You you're doing the white voice and they called me on it. Well, it's fucking humiliating. I turned beat red. It was brutal Yeah, it's hard. It's hard being uh Hard being white folks. It ain't easy

Well, um, it's hard being so aware. Yes. Yes, exactly. I think sometimes that I hate the most about uh And I attribute a lot of it to you know, I think that's kind of what my alcoholism is sometimes is just this A heightened level of awareness and sensitivity not just sensitive but hypersensitive. Yeah, and you want to shut it down Yeah, I just want to stop just want anything to like please just something make it so I just Don't care anymore. Yes, or don't care as much Yeah, because you have because you care to let at this intense level of every constantly that it's exhausted you Yes, yes, and you have the couple drinks. You're like, ah, I can fucking enjoy myself for 10 minutes. Yeah I'm with you. Yeah, like I like for so long. I heard recently someone said, um, life's not happening to you

It's just life is just happening. Oh And I'd always I never realized this Wind of the world that I always felt like was pushing against me just this like life was happening to me Yeah, everything's but life's just happening Right. I'm just here and so then every now and then that helps me feel a little different. I like that Got a question that came in here Uh, oh, yeah, excuse me. Hey mark. Hey Theo Mark, it was really good to see you come through Springfield, Missouri right before Christmas when you played the blue room

Hey, hey, um, it was a great show. My wife and I had a blast. Thank you. Hopefully the people of Springfield were good to you Go down my question is to both of you. I know you guys both live on the coast and big cities I was wondering if you've ever considered moving away from LA in new york to maybe set up routes in the midwest or the south To get away from that big city lifestyle Gang gang gang, bro. Good question. That's a good question. What do you think? I fantasize but you bought a place I know like you made money. I mean, I mean you started making money I was jealous you when you got to open up Framie Schumer because you were making some money. Well, that was a sweet sweet ride I mean the jets and she would just hit that arena level

So I was making good money and getting treated well and things I got I was pure luck and what we have an ice cream at night And everything. Oh dude, and she's a she's a big pot friend. Yeah, so it was just like so much Hotel room service and we had movies and big screen and the weed and the edibles and the anal and the fucking booze It was great. Great time. She's a she gets a bad rap, but she's a giver Yeah, good egg, you know good hang. You know her. Yeah, you know, but I know people people have a problem with her But you know, they don't know her. I know her. She's she's cool. Oh, well, I mean, I think yeah, she law I think she law for me. I thought that and I would talk about Amy You know, I talked her on the phone not maybe a couple weeks ago

But I felt like she was starting to maybe want to even get more into politics actually I had this I have no truth about this, but this is a perception that I had right right And she and whenever Hillary didn't win the election. I think she was gonna not use Use that vibe, but she you know, she was in that movement like yeah, totally That and she wanted probably to try and get into politics then maybe I don't know. Yeah, the politics is I never touch it because it just splits the room and it's a bad idea and we're comics like You look at twitter now. All the comics are just going like we need to change this and this is I'm activist now and this is That you're like, what happened to funny? Yeah, I mean, we are comics. All right, you can have your opinion, but like

Let's make with the yuck. I'm ups chuckles You know what I mean? Yeah, I forget about it in here. Sometimes I get so like worried about my own fucking No, doldrums that sometimes I forget though, but I have to remind myself sometimes you can't fucking go in here every day Yeah, yeah, we've got puberty. Wilson's coming out of you. Like it's all in you. You can't help it But I felt like yeah that but um, but I've always thought that she's one of the funniest people off of stage Yes, I mean without even watching her comment without even taking that into contrast sure What I mean quick quick at the table like she's she's running circles around you're like damn

I gotta step it up. Yeah, and especially you like shoot I thought that I was quick or something inside and we could do this But when you meet her, it's like pre-fontein. It's just yes Wow, she's on some level that's a little beyond and cutting too. Like she could say that thing where you're like, oh I didn't know you knew that. Yeah, you got me there. Damn. You know, yeah fun stuff. Yeah, like, uh Yeah, just I mean, I always say that she's Her donnell rollings two of the funniest people that I've ever been around. Oh really donnell. Interesting. He just makes me laugh I mean, he's a killer act. I've never really hung out with him. He's just so

He's funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, but yeah, man. I was y'all was like, man, this guy's living it up Dude, this guy's having ice cream at night. This dude's doing it. Yeah, I was doing it and plus I was single then and like tinder Was kind of newish and so I had an arena of labia's just like they can't bang her so I was getting the uh, the You know placenta runoff and I was I was hitting clits like a speed bag. It was exciting Yeah, yeah, that was a wild times. Yeah, and you know, we're in the four seasons and shit Sugar Ray labia. Yeah, I think I caught up. Yeah, I remember a couple places. I caught up with you guys at I think that's right Where but we didn't knew we did Mahalia Jackson New Orleans and we went to what's her face this house after Jennifer Coolidge Coolidge's house and you were newly sober and I remember being like, come on Theo

This new year's baby. You're like, I can't fatty. I'm sorry. And I was like, damn. I lost Theo, but it was for the best I get it. Yeah, it was for something, man Oh, it was good. See that's the dangerous thing is the problem with booze and xanax and coke and all that is it It feels right So you don't want to quit but the best thing to do is quit because you need it so bad that you Gotta not learn how to not need it You know, you gotta it feels so good. So you're like, oh, I'm drinking is what I should be doing right now But that's exactly why you shouldn't be drinking. You got to learn how to overcome it without it

Right. It's a trick. It's definitely a trick. Yeah. Yes. It's a trick. It's a trick, man My my therapist. I'm always like, just give me some xanax. Give me a fucking valium or whatever a prescription. He's like, let's beat it Let's just try to beat the anxiety. Yeah, instead of just trying to like Medicaid it away. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sometimes I wish I had me a xanax Oh, yeah You know, I remember one first time a guy gave me a soma this homosexual guy Oh, I love a soma gave me a soma, man Build this guy billy conforto and rip passed away. He was from laplace. Oh, I know the type and uh,

He was homosexual but also prize fighter What? Yeah, very rare. You could have been your babysitter, dude. Who knows? Black guy? Uh, no, white is white enough All right. All right. All white prize fighters always fun That's one for the for the home team But he gave me a soma dude and a half hour later I just turned to my car was on a highway and just took a straight up fucking right turn off of it And uh, we're lucky. We're alive sometimes that Louisiana living was was heavy. It is heavy There's a lot of waste of time because there's boats people are like, oh, yeah, that's right. We're all fucked up

Let's get in this boat. Yeah, that's right. It's around my water and gators and ghosts. Yeah ghosts the voodoo out there It's no joke. We had a kid this boy Andy and he uh He he ghosts were chasing him or something. He was dealing with him and he ended up taking his own life There you go. There you go. I had a bunch of friends die of heroin bunch of friends I have methadone growing up a bunch of drunk driving some of the best heroin recipes you've ever had. Oh, yeah, yeah Wow Put some uh hot sausage in that heroin. Yeah, it's heavy. Dude, put a little fucking tony shasher In that needle, baby, you feel me?

Little old bay. Yeah, yeah, dude. Damn, dude, you can't get that uh that leaf in there The basil leaf? Yeah, the bay leaf. The bay leaf. Yeah Wow, yeah, I would just went down back home to see my folks and uh, boy, I really ate it up Did you? Oh, yeah, or they pretty really proud of you now. They must really have some a lot of pride You know, what's weird is they don't really say much, but then I talked to like I'll meet one of their friends They're like your mom never shuts up about you. I'm like really I wish you'd tell me, you know, but I'll take it I'll take it. Yeah, but I think we're just uh We're a cold people the normans. Yeah, I try to break through. I'm a touchy feely douche, but uh, they're it's very

They're military. They're like, you know stiff upper lip kind of wow. Yeah, my dad this is the idea of a hug There's give you a tap on the shoulder and you're like, oh shit. Thank dad. Wow. What is it my birthday? You know, but uh, it's not not a lot of Yeah, connecting. Yeah Yeah, that connection man. That's wild. Yeah, I'm learning that. That's all new. I'm 36 So I'm gonna die soon So I'm trying to like do it myself and push it on them and are you having sex and stuff now or what do you do? I got a hot lady. Oh, yeah, I got a hot lady at uh at the house in new york and uh

Yeah, she's she's like a normal person. I mean, she's got everybody's got problems But she's like she met my parents and she's like, whoo That was tough. Like you meet my parents. You feel like you're bombing. You know They're tough like you'll just say a whole thing and they'll go Like they won't respond. Yeah, I talked to dr. Drew about he said my mom has still face Which is this like thing that moms have that makes babies cry and shit because they're not giving you any reaction Which is why I do stand up. I need a reaction. Yeah, I need something. Yeah something I just need some some I need to know that things are okay. Yes. Yes. And with them

You have no idea where you're at. Are you mad? Am I mad or what's going on? Do you hate me? Am I adopted? Where are we? Yeah, so uh, wow, it's interesting man As a killer you got some of the stuff that leads us to uh, just to our behavior and what we do, you know Yeah, this the beautiful lady right there. There she is. Yeah, what's her name diamond? Where'd you get that? I was just guesstimated up She's Diamond diamond laroo. Well, she's a real diamond though. Yeah and diamond in the rough. Oh, that's awesome, man Good egg, uh, cape cod ladies from the new england. They're well off, huh? She well off

Not really you'd think right more cod than cape, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah a lot of cod Oh, hey to interrupt you guys. It's the only ad in this episode And I got to ask what if you could make your work take less work? Well, you can with capterra Capterra, it helps you find the right business software for your needs fast so you can get back to business even faster Compare thousands of software options read reviews and instantly narrow your favorites You'll have more time in no time You can find the right software for you and your business right now at capterra.com

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Simplified and now back to the episode Let's get another question that came in man. All right Wait, let me get this before we do it. What do you think? How do you think it plays out with uh? With arry with everything that's happened because last night it said on that article that people They didn't have the show because they were afraid people called into the comedy club I heard they had to shut the show down and a lot of those calls dude. Look. I've made calls like that. That's nothing That's not everybody's really gonna show up. Yeah, I actually called the club But yeah, we don't live in a show up world anymore. We definitely live in a phone call world

This is all gonna go. I mean, it's a it's a hot thing for this week and by monday. We won't even think about it Agreed. Yeah, I agreed. But do you so what do you think? How do you think he comes through? I know he put up a really nice message I mean his message was It was real true to who he was even at the end where he says fuck the Lakers, you know, do you do this? Yeah, I did. I liked it. I mean obviously his publicist or manager made him do it because I know arry and he's not this guy but He's kind of made it his own and all that like when Shane Gillis had to put one of these out We all made fun of him because it was so publicisty, you know, like it didn't have him in it at all

Yeah, and like he told us what he wanted to say and it was way funnier But uh, yeah, you got to do this shit. I guess, you know, we're trying to have careers But I think it'll ultimately help him. It just seals cements his brand right you are that villain You are that rabble rouser, too. Yeah, you know and there's and and you it's okay to have that like that's the thing It's like I just wonder I'm trying to think of a person that I could compare him to in the past It's not like an Alfred Hitchcock, but like, you know, someone who's just like mischievous like a dentist the menace He's almost like a Bart Simpson. You know, like he's he's agitating. He's poking you and shit And you're like, all right, all right, but that's just who he is. That's his stick

Yeah, you know, it's and it works for him. He sells out and I hang out with arry. We walked on the street We go arry. Yeah, people people like oh people love him. He's been on here and any and people really really enjoyed it I mean, that's the thing he's Yeah, it's just who he is. It just kind of fell. It just was a really it's just like almost like the andrea gale of bad Right, right of bad moments happening at once, you know Well, we got weird priorities like chris brown beat the shit out of a lady and he's got a documentary out and people think he's hot And sexy and then arry made a joke and he's evil. Yeah, like I think chris brown is worse than arry But uh chris brown's doing the moonwalk somewhere, right, you know, so we got weird

Uh, we're all whacked out. Well team also and you I mean some of this I think tmz uses a lot. I mean, it's definitely turned into more of like a world star hip-hop kind of yes It's gotten a lot more of like scandal. Yeah, and it's more, you know, urban black. Oh, whatever you want to say I think so. Oh, really? I think a lot of their stuff is these days And some of that I'm like are these are is this is tmz just like Like using the black like is it Creating this other this cycle of like interesting behavior sometimes or contributing to a cycle of behavior or influencing a cycle of behavior You know, it's like not like I don't buy a lot of cultural appropriations shit

But I do sometimes like I got some of those that show catfish I just feel like it takes advantage of black people that don't know how to use the internet Oh I never thought about that or like kind of monopoly, you know, I don't know what the wording is but like Well, I just feel like tv and showbiz. They just go where the money's at they go where the bread is buttered So if that's the way it goes like McDonald's for some reason went straight black people in the commercial You know, it used to be like McDonald's get a McFish, and it was like some fat white guy. Yeah, there's a white manager. Yeah. Yeah. Now. It's like, hey Puberty get in here, you know, like yeah, I feel like McRib backer

Right, right. That hot apple pie is ready for you there Quincy, but yeah, I feel like you just kind of go. Oh, that's that's who's buying the fucking McDubbles. Let's do that So I don't know. I don't know about the the taking advantage of maybe I never I never thought that maybe that's just some weird thing That it's probably some weird hang up that I have, you know, that might not be true But you're right there. Sometimes I think that Hollywood Like leads us in a direction, but the more I learn Hollywood just follows where the money. Yes, they're clueless They don't know what I mean think about all the funny comedians, you know, who aren't doing that great Yeah, because we got to have all this hot guy du jour or whatever the fuck, you know, this guy's

And they're selling tickets. So they don't care. They're not they they pretend to like prior and carlin But they don't give a shit, right? They just wait, you know, just worried about who's making money and that's their job They're wearing suits. They're finance guys who say, hey, I like ellie wong. They just know the right thing I love car michael. He's the coolest, but they don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they don't know Yeah, it's it's uh Because sometimes I give them this bigger power Same same we look I look at me as please accept me. Please give me a show. I love you. You're my dad, you know Which is crazy because that's kind of one of the side one of the side effects of coming out of like, uh,

You know the type of um childhoods you come out of and stuff to be a comedian Is that then whenever you get to a place and somebody's offering you said you you're so please accept me Yes, and that like kind of goes over into the business since sometimes completely can really cost you. Um Yeah, just can cost you ownership of things and you know, it can really kind of have you selling out before you even know What's going on exactly just want so badly to be accepted because think about it. Look at all it first is like You do it all a couple open mics. Some guy goes do my show. Oh god. He accept me. Yeah, then you get Montreal I got Montreal. It's not even about Montreal. You just want to be you want to be invited to the party But you don't actually want to go you just want the invite. Yeah, you know, and that's the whole show

But I got a special me out of everybody. I got one. You know, just me me me. I feel better. I'm accepted I'm in the club. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay But the real okay is guys like Schultz who go blow me Industry I'm doing this on the gram. Yeah, and I'm If you go into any, you know pitch meeting go I got this guy fashion who does this right by the camera. They're gonna go now. How's that gonna make any money? What's the hook? We need more diversity. What are you doing? He's gonna be like, ah, fuck it I'll do it on my own and people love it. Yeah, so that's the thing. They don't know but we act like they know that they have

No idea. We're the ones with talent. Right. They stink. Yeah, we forget that sometimes. Yeah, they got nothing They just go where the heat is. Yeah Yeah, it's interesting, man. I like hearing that dude. Let's get a question that came in right here that uh, Nick's got before we get to the question. I saw this was interesting We've talked about docked bounty hunter a couple times on this show. He recently got in Engaged to one of best friends or he proposed. Yikes. I didn't see it. Can we play the video? Yeah I heard about this. He just followed me the other day on Instagram. Oh, that's exciting. I'm so excited actually Everybody tweet dog and tell him we want him on this past week. Yes. Yeah tweet him and Instagram and send him messages

That would be huge. I would love to have him, man. Oh, yeah It really relates him in a lot of ways. He feels like a genuine dude I am a lot happier with Kerr Brown I have lots of enemies right now Oh Moon Angel will you marry me? Oh, that's good TV couple who saved an 11 year old girl Oh, I know that guy works at the gas station by my house. I'm not even joking that second guy saved a girl girl Yeah, he looks like DJ Khaled dude, but he's also and another one. Go back a little more Nick

Right there. Oh, yeah, he does. He looks like a bad shop. Yeah, he does dude. Yeah Yeah, job job. Yeah, dude. He looks like he yeah, he looks like DJ needs a salad. That's who he looks like That's pretty mean dude and he can be a nice guy But it says in the article they had been dating for weeks and it was pissing off the daughters But uh, at the end it says he never actually gave her the ring and then evidently there is no engagement But it's still a little messy situation. There she is and there in the wedding photo with Beth. Uh, you can see she's the Number two number two the best best best best bride What do you guys made maybe it's just like a made of honor. He needs like a he needs some help

You know, I got a morning of my wife here and this is the closest thing and maybe it's just like a Psychological move. He really loved that woman. I mean, I must really be in love to be working with someone Have grenade. I mean they had grenades. They had everything. Yeah Just constantly working with somebody. I mean that was his life partner right there and working in like tense like boot camp Invite you got people in a headlock and she's holding their legs and he's kicking like that'll really bond a couple of weirdos Yeah, and he's sober. I think too. He I think he does a lot of recovery stuff Oh, yeah, he does a lot of stuff like supporting the military um

Yeah, he seems like a good egg. Yeah, man I I could imagine look especially you're getting older you like Sometimes you have a wife you have a girlfriend and there's somebody else that you care about It's like that kind of stuff never it may dissipate because obviously you have to focus on your marriage and stuff Maybe he just cared about this lady for a long time and wanted to go And yeah, I'm sure he needs somebody right now and he probably doesn't know a lot of people. He's an odd dude So I'm sure he's got like a community. He kind of hangs with so boom. I'll just go to the next lady. I'm not saying it's right I'm just saying it happens. I mean it makes perfect sense. Yes. Yes

If she's friends with uh bath, then she's probably got similar personality. He feels some comfort in her Yeah, well said man, I uh Yeah, I don't know. It'd be nice to have him on. I can't imagine losing like your Spouse, but then I think some guys they lose they luckily lose their wife and they're like, oh hell. Yeah, sure Well, how did I luck out? Yeah? Yeah, well, it's also guys who go too far and they go I'll just throw a little laugh. Uh, what do you call that stuff arsenic?

Not our liander any freeze the lanny freeze in the uh in the oatmeal and to freeze Annie. Yeah Annie'll be a ice cold in a minute Uh, what else we got Nick? Oh, here's me. That looks like you and Joe list fucked Yeah, looks like me and Mike Kaplan. Yeah. Yeah Hey guys this question's for mark mark. I always see on instagram you riding around on the that moped of yours Is through the streets of new york. I was wondering if uh, are you known as like the moped master? You have any good stories to share?

gang gang You gotta pull up a pic of that there nick. It's on my insta bring up that pit. You gotta see this hog of mine It's a fucking beauty. Oh, no, she's nice. Oh, that's all right It just says girlfriend again. She's a pig. Hold on. Where's there it is? Look at that thing. Come on Ride through new york on that. Yeah, that thing's badass. It's it's 86 miles of the gallon. It's light It's easy. It goes about 33 miles an hour top speed. I'm in the bike lane. I'm in the regular lane I'm all over the road in that thing. I'm getting spot-to-spot. That's legal. Oh, yeah I mean, I got a toad once and I had to register it and all that and I gotta buy a helmet

Oh, yeah, but uh, it's uh, it's a real fun piece Huh, that was a fun little journey when I got toad. You were listening. I uh, I yeah in your story. Yeah Yeah, he documented going to get it and stuff. Hey, that's beautiful, man It probably cost about half the bike cost and it took me like a week and a half, but I got it out And what are the cons of having that in New York City? A lot of cons. That's the thing A you got to lock it up and uh, people want to steal it People want to my neighbors hate it because it's on the sidewalk and I got a cover on it And they're like it's so ugly. So they're giving me dirty looks the winner

You can't ride it. So she's got to sit there and get snowed on and shit Uh, it doesn't start all it sometimes just doesn't start, you know, so there's all kinds of problems with it But and it's a garelli, huh? Oh, yeah, 1986 garelli. I have Italian guys stopped me going. I had one of those when I was a kid Oh My wife's a country can't cook and all this shit and I'm like, hey, thank you There you go, but uh, I got a lot of that. So that's a it's a rare bike apparently I got it on craigslist. I just having to find a fun one. God man. Yeah, it looks so amazing Now out here, do you think it would be better to have? Maybe but this is so sprawling

I can't get on the 405 with that chute Which that would be terrifying. It'd be epic if you did as well. Yeah, pull a dean del Rey and flip over a car hood Yeah, yeah, that'd be beautiful. Have you been in some pretty bad accidents? Not one yet. Not one so Do you see uh, when you think about um When you think about like doing like another special or something. I just shot one last night. You did. Yeah Yeah, we'll see. I mean, I just did it on my own because nobody would buy it. Oh, awesome So we'll see what happens and you think so I guess you'll try and sell it and then if not, maybe you'll put the clips out

Exactly. Yeah, that's awesome. That's where we're at now I've been doing the hour for a while now and it's getting embarrassing. You know, you go back to san francisco They're like, we saw this last year. Yeah, so I'm like, I gotta drop it and write new shit But nobody wants it and I kept waiting for someone to buy it but nobody would give me an offer So I said fuck. We'll shoot it. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's a weird times, you know Yeah, where'd you do it? Dynasty typewriter. We sold out two shows. We said fuck it. It's a theater. It'll look good Sandler did his there. Oh, wow. Yeah, so That's a new club. That's downtown Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah, right over there fans club. Yes

In the hayworth is the name of the theater and uh, really cool really sweet cute little theater and it went great We got two shows out of it and It's in the can right now. I got ahead of it. Oh, here we go. Here's the guy right here Hey, what's up Theo? What's up mark? My name is nick. I'm coming at you from Aurora, Illinois the snowy Midwest here. It's really freezing right now But I had a question for the both of you actually Theo you talk a lot about on your show and you have a lot of listeners calling about like Anxiety and how to deal with it and stuff and my question for both of you was how do you guys deal with

The anxieties that you may or may not have but continue to still do Your work and kill it mark. I've seen you perform here in Chicago and you're amazing I watch all your guys's youtube videos and um, I'm a huge fan Uh, and so I'm just curious how you guys can keep it consistent and still continue to do so well In your field. I don't want to be a comedian myself But how do I apply that to what I want to do and who I want to be so that's my question Hope you guys have a great day gang gang gang bro. Oh, what a sweet message. Uh sexy hair. I wish I had those locks I mean, he's doing fine. If you ask me. Yeah, he looks like Thor

I don't bang ziety. If I had that dude, who am I gonna bang? Yeah, he's got to reverse widows, too Look at that thing. It's going the other way. Oh beautiful man great looking eyeballs and a sexy, uh, lorenzo Lomb here that guy undeniably better looking than half of the women that I've dated Yeah, yeah, no doubt about it those those eyebrows. I want to sleep on them Dude, I want to fucking knight in cast of blonk. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah Oh, he's hot my god, dude. Any more information about this guy yet? Yeah, send me his address god I want to condition this guy's hair with my fucking body sweat. I know I want superman on top of me

Dude, I want to fucking man I always want to lay in his arms and say Clark can't you know help me daddy Clark Ken. Yeah. Yeah Okay, this has gotten on me. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's a good question, man about anxiety Yeah, yeah, it's tough But I I go the other way because he's like, how do you do it with anxiety? I think you gotta the more you do the less anxiety you have Yeah, so if you get over that hump of fear and and doubt Then the anxiety kind of goes away like I get scared to do stand up

But that's why I do it right and then you get up there and it goes away So once you just do it if you think about it. Oh, how am I gonna do it? How's it gonna go? That's when the anxiety kicks in just do the fucking thing go do the open mic go ask the girl out go do whatever Oh, it's so true And then the interesting thing for me is I'm even hearing you talk about that that anxiety of not when I don't do something And I just have the anxiety then it turns into a little bit of shame for me. Yeah Oh, dude the guilt. Yeah, I totally have that turns into a shame or a guilt. But yeah, you're so right. It's like Um, oh, geez the guy's helping black kids in Africa. Oh, that's beautiful or South America. Jesus. Who is this hunk?

Yeah, you got nothing to be anxious about man. Nick manifesto. Nick. Oh, this guy menis Menisiotis Nicholas menisiotis. He looks Greek, huh? He might be Greek. Maybe Um, yeah, he's like it looks like a nigo montoya prepared a you living the life man Wow, dude, I think if you just show your Instagram or a woman you have nothing to be anxious about But it just goes to show you man. I know this guy can look like a Greek god and Or demi god probably. Demi more and uh, you're inside. You're all fucked up. Yeah, so the What does it call the but that's right there? You're right though? I think it's just that contrary action, you know, and that's something that they talk about in AA and 12-step stuff a lot is just like

Yeah, it's thinking about things laying in bed when you wake up laying in bed It's just the worst thing you can do because it's just this isolation isolation grows on itself You think like oh, I'm scared to be around people and then you think that you're by yourself for a couple days And then you are then you are scared exactly exactly Or if you just go out and actually take some action Yes, the contrary action. It's like I don't want to go for a run. I'll go for a run right now I don't want somebody invited me to the movie. I don't want to go. I'm gonna go even though I don't want to Yes, yes, and then that that that that uncomfort

Uh starts to go away disappear and usually you go oh this movie's great I'm so glad I came. Yeah, this wasn't so bad. Yeah, but if you don't go you're gonna really hate yourself Yep, and then it gets easier over time. You don't have as much of that anxiety. Yes. It's not We're we're anxiety. I think it's just this We're supposed to be like in motion And I think some of it is just this stagnating this cul-de-sacking of us being Doing stuff and connecting with each other that energy has been alive for so long and now it just has no place to go Right, right. I think kind of we're wired as humans if evolutionarily

You farm you get up you fight a bear you have you fuck your wife you raise your kids you farm You kill a bear, you know, we have to survive and we don't have to do that anymore. We got uber eats We got the granola bars. Yeah, so it's still in us. So I think that's why we're more anxious than ever Yeah, you know because you used to just go to a factory you go home you crack a beer You watch the football game you go to bed you go to the factory You don't have to do that shit anymore. We're doing a pod. This is we're working Right, this is work and then we're gonna go to the comedy store and that's work Yeah, you know, so we don't have any struggle. Yeah, we don't have any struggle

We don't have a lot of a ton of human interaction that yeah, yeah, but also there's a guy recently who's talking to me about Um, that we don't touch the earth as much as we oh, that's good. So this energy of like The energy that's supposed to usually come in and out of the ground and in through our bodies and like Um, that's good. It doesn't happen that much Whitney on our podcast talked about this practice That's getting popular because of that called grounding and it's just going barefoot and walking in the dirt and going on hikes But barefoot because that whole thing. I mean the moped You know, everything in my body is like, what are you doing? What do you have in midlife Christ? Why are you buying this? What do you think you're a cool dude?

And I get on that thing and it's visceral. I got the wind in my hair I can feel the throttle. I can feel the engine heating up in my asshole and everything and the bumps and I'm my clits popping And it's just great and I'm weaving outside of cars. It's nerve-wracking and I get to the spot and I kind of go I gotta take a minute. That was wild. You know, I'm going down Broadway in the best city in the world And it's great. The lights are going by me. I got a Chinese guy, you know passing me up. I give him a honk He doesn't wave back. Yeah, and it's crazy. And then I just get there I'm like, wow, I would have been on the subway with earbuds in just sitting there looking at some hobo You know, like it you got to get up and get out and do something

That's why like woodworking is good or like that's why these guys who tough mutter and shit Tough mutters just like I got a I got this body full of muscles and organs. I got to use it Yeah, you know, I got to push myself. Yeah, we got to try you got to try because It's easy to not try. It's so easy. It's easier. You know, we're creating and yeah We've definitely created a society in America where it's easy. It's like, yeah, just this comfort. Yeah, everything's turning into a couch Exactly. And then boy when VR gets in here, it's over. We're gonna just VR a set and we go, all right I killed I didn't have to leave the house, you know Yeah, people buy tickets and watch you on in the virtual reality. Exactly. And that'll be it

You're not gonna meet any women. You're gonna fuck VR women. I mean, it's gonna be over You'll just be basically a passageway that food goes through. Yes. Yes. You're just shitting and eating shitting and eating It's gonna be crazy, man. Yeah. I mean, look at what people can account. You watch an MMA fight You're like that's unbelievable that two guys can do that or two women can do that I could never do that But the the human body is capable of such you see a guy on a snowboard do 80 flips and land you're like I'm eating Cheetos and fingering myself Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, and not even washing my hands between the two

My asshole is yellow and orange. It's got all the dust on it. I remember chess with cheetah Of course I do. Um, cheetah cheetah. I saw Kelvin Gaslam last night at the store. I saw that on your instagram Oh the fighter. Yeah, is there any on you one of the fighters? Yeah fighter of the year And I got to be at that fight. I'd only been in one fight Joe of Joe Rogan took me to a fight one time And dude, it was the craziest fight. I was with you. You were there Atlanta. Yeah Yeah, I remember we walked in it was cheeto Me and you and we walked into the arena and everybody went nuts for you Oh, I don't even remember that and then I think poirier was yeah, poirier. Yeah, he was fighting. You were there

I remember Andrew was there. I feel so bad. Jeez. We hung out all day at the four seasons and uh I remember after he won you guys like hugs. I was like, whoa. Theo is big. Oh, that's crazy. I blew my mind Yeah, it made me feel excited, bro. I was pretty excited. You handled it very well. Like I would have been like, oh, shit Hey, how you doing? You know, but you you you look cool. Oh cool, man. Thanks. Yeah, dude That's the first time I saw those guys just go through it so much Yeah, I was seeing my girl at the time and just walking through that tunnel with rogan Like, you know that oh, yeah, that rilla with a button down on you're like, what the fuck and he just sits down Puts the headphones on he's like, he tied it on the left. He cracked him in the jaw

You're like, whoa, where am I you getting hit with sweat and AIDS is on you and shit and cheetos looking at a hot chick It was it was a wild day That was a hell of a day Dude, that's crazy. I feel so bad that I forgot that I just I just didn't think about it. Do you remember now? Is it coming back? Not at all. Damn. I gotta make some I gotta say the n word or something get get stand out a little Oh, yeah, if you'd have wrote down the n word on a piece of paper and passed it to me, dude I remember that I'll be doing that after the show. Tell you that who's the sober one between you I know I had four beers in me that night. I remember I had a big gulp the whole time of beer

I was probably nervous something about that old environment made me nervous. Oh, I get it. I mean you got rogan We're in a fucking suv with rogan remember that that was terrifying. Were you really there? You're just messing with me I was there. We hung out remember you came in with 18 shopping bags Remember you were like I went shopping and we chatted for like an hour and then they came downstairs Then we all went together. Oh, yeah And it's no tell we sat next to each other at the fight that was elbowing you and I remember I said some things You were like, hey take it easy man because I was being too offensive. I think oh, yeah Yeah, cage up all of these guys. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was making bad jokes at the fighter is like come on

You pussy. That's all you got your mom's a whore, you know, I was just trying to get into it and you were like shut the fuck up Trying to step up poor. Yeah, I don't remember any of this I wasn't I wasn't there and I remember santino had to leave early because he had a show in Atlanta that night Same same. Yeah, it was you. It was me and you had to leave early. Yeah, I left early. I missed all the good shit Yeah I saw for you, but I missed the adesanya. Yeah, man. That was such a yeah, but yeah It was just wild to see that guy last night. I think he's one of the best of all time. I think he's like a special fighter He's different who adesanya. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't see him. I mean just gasoline

But yeah, I mean that fight was just crazy watching those two men hit each other forever. Oh, yeah God Wow, man, that was like the best day of my life and to you that was a blip in your in your mullet lifestyle I feel so bad, bro You're out here. I remember you had to leave early. We're all like damn. He has to leave early to go to a show You read all the skull right skull. Yeah, and it was brutal. I was like, I don't want to leave I'd rather watch this shit fight than go to the show, but it was fun. It's old out. Good time I'm gonna try to get us tickets to another fight man, and you know, go that's doing that'd be awesome

Well, I feel like we really bonded to on that couch. Jeez I gotta be more memorable. No, I just probably just I was just probably thinking about myself. Sure Um, who is this couple of whites right here? What is this? Segura and uh, uh, Rickles, who's that? Yeah, no, I think that's Segura and who yeah, who does that look like? Who's that guy at the store Schubert? Uh, maybe an old Shoeb. Who's that guy at the store opens it up? Alan Arkin. No, what's that guy's name? Oh, yeah, Arvis. Argus Hamilton. Argus Hamilton. Yeah So Brian looks good on him named after obviously a couple of slaves. Let's be honest. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, good play

What's up Theo gang gang? What's up guys? We're a couple of Tuesdays. All right I know about your best night and your worst night performing comedy. Oh, I got that for you. Thank you Cute couple right there. Yeah, thank you guys Yeah, you want to start Uh, let's hear yours, man. All right. Well, I've had I've had a lot of great nights. I've had a lot of bad nights It's hard to pick the the top, but I did the the the what is that? What's the arena here? Staples? No, no, no forum. I did the forum once and that was pretty unbelievable. I I just killed at the forum I just had it. It was just

Sold out, you know open for Schumer. What I don't know. What is that 30,000 people or whatever the fuck it is? Really? 2022 maybe 22. Yeah, it was unreal and it's in a circle and just rocked it and it just everything clicked I did the patrice O'Neill benefit and that was a good one with bill burr invited me Which was like such an honor and that just clicked. I had a remember I went third Which was like the best spot in this show and just kicked kicked it right in the teeth and it just You know when your timing is the laugh and then you then the laugh it just worked um And bill said some nice things after so that was great, but the worst probably

Two months ago during christmas I did a bunch of corporate gigs. Do you do corporates? I just did one this week actually. Oh nice. They're pretty they're pretty different Yeah, they're not really stand-up You're just kind of like trying to keep these people happy and get your paycheck and get out of there Yeah, you don't want to get any hr issues. Yes. Yes, and I that's exactly what I did. I had to host a pharmaceutical award show Big hotel ballroom, you know, like white tablecloths fine china tuxedos Chandeliers and I'm host. I got note cards like a stack this high of like next up best sleep aid Here are the nominees like I was that guy. Wow

I had a podium and everything and I had to study it and the paycheck was insane They picked me up at a limo drove me out to philadelphia. Damn I get there I'm supposed to do 15 minutes of stand-up to open just to like get them loose and then go into the award shows Clean, but they knew my stuff. They watched all my youtube and they're like we like your edge and all that shit So just do you so I just to play it safe I did the sign I open for Seinfeld and I did the Seinfeld set which, you know, nothing cleaner than Seinfeld Yeah

So I go up and out of the gate bomb bomb bomb every joke and I'm like, all right Well, let me pull out some heavy hitters. These always work bomb foolproof bomb. So I'm like, maybe I'll get a little dirtier That's how I'll get them I go I do a vibrator joke. I see it naughty. I'd see a table of women get up and leave in like a huff and I go No, that's not good. So I comment on them dry women, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah these women were not into it and so I my my get off to like I bring these people up to like give a little speech about some kind of fucking drugs

They're selling and I get off and the CEO of the whole thing is yelling at me And he's like, how could you say that about my wife and then I'm like wait What do you I don't even know who your wife is and he's like my wife is offended get the hell out of here You're fired. You're done. I was like, wait, what what are you talking about? I'm in a tuxedo. I rented a tux from Joseph A banks So I'm like what so I go up to like the curator later She's like she's crying because he yelled at her first and she's like she's like you gotta go You gotta go we're gonna find someone else to host it the whole three more hours in the show And I just had to get in a car and go back to Philly. No, I mean go back to new york brutal

I studied and all this shit and it was like a fine lobster steak dinner and it was like so high end And this was a big production with like, you know a sound booth guy and the lighting guy and the waiters all this shit And I just had to leave Over a joke. She thought it was offensive to women But the joke is so Blah, it's like so innocuous, but what's the joke the joke is uh my girl He's a vibrator and you you I say I feel like a uh, I feel like I'm obsolete now because the vibrator is better than me I feel like this

She's at CVS. I'm an employee there and she's using the self-checkout, you know, and I'm like, hey if you need a hand I'm your man, you know, like I feel like I'm losing my job Then I'm like these robots are taking our job blah blah blah and it's I'm the loser in the joke You know, she's the vibrator is better, but She took that as some of she's probably hasn't gotten late since 88. She's taking it out on me. She's repressed. She's gay I don't know what's going on. So I got I got the uh, the old boot Brutal, but I got paid. Oh, you did get paid. I got paid good agent good agent Yeah, and it wasn't my fault like I did the the material that did on Conan. You know, so it's tv. Shit

Yeah, that doesn't sound like that lady had some kind of issue Maybe she was having to use the vibrator a lot and things weren't going well or something or who knows something was up Yeah, she wanted to get railed by uh puberty wilson or something was going on and everybody in that crowd is probably on opioids Because yeah, they're fucking drug dealers lecturing me about uh morality and shit I'm like you guys sell pills oxy cotton to people they get hooked and in Boston and then they do heroin kill themselves like I'm the bad guy. I'm telling zingers. Yeah, you're fucking fucking you're trying to get soma's into lunchables. Yeah, exactly You guys are out of your mind Great, that's what I'm saying with the priorities are all out of whack, you know some for some reason jokes really

Hit people like hit a nerve with people. I don't know what it is But I like I noticed that We've because I noticed sometimes things will get me edged like I'm like, oh, I'm like I'm reacting to things Like I am becoming part of the problem that I even call out sometimes. I mean, we're all human Right. I noticed this when I was I'm like, though, like damn this thing really has me like bent. This is somebody's tweet or something What am I doing? Like what's going on here? Right, right? Like white male straight white male, blah, blah, and you're like, oh, shit It's just about me. Yeah, just like uh Yeah, I don't know sometimes I found myself getting

Like triggered by shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it happens it happened But you go, all right, I'm triggered and you're not gonna go get somebody fired Right, you would never do that. No, you would go shit. Why did that bother me? You got to sit with it a little bit maybe but just to have that gut reaction to just like ruin this guy Fuck you. You made me feel weird for one second. You're done. Yeah, that's a crazy instinct Well, we've given the thing that's going on is there's something that's making us. Why do we feel weird? Like why? Like the feeling of I'm feeling weird about something has been magnified somehow it used to be like somebody told a joke

It made me it maybe made me feel a certain type of way or something a little bit. That was very small I was more focused on how is this going to make me laugh. Yeah, almost even sometimes I would pretend to laugh Yeah, of course just to it just to enjoy myself. Yes. Whereas now there's just Whatever the muscle or the react the reactor inside of us that wants to wants to be upset Yeah, that thing is stronger now. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You're right. That's a good point It's just it's become stronger. I think because the more comfort you have the less Tough skin you have maybe like we were so used to comfort that when you feel a little bit of discomfort You're like, oh, this is weird. I gotta put it. I gotta shut this down

and I think people like canceling and like Being morally superior on twitter and just shouting out a guy. I think makes you feel good Also, it gives you a little power like I got that guy kicked off SNL. How cool am I? I'm great. He's racist. I'm great I saw an interesting thing. Uh, I don't want to say any names, but I was at the comedy dock rivers I said a comedy club in New York and we're all talking hanging out. This lady was there She's an LA comic and Shane Gillis walked up and he goes. Hey, I'm she goes. Hey, I'm we'll say Leslie and he goes Yeah, I know who you are. You should on me on twitter after the whole Oh, no, no, and he goes she goes I did who are you?

She didn't know who he was and he goes. I'm Shane Gillis and she's like, oh really? Wow, you know, I never Ah, I was just, you know going with the flow like everybody was shitting on you. I just jumped on the bandwagon I didn't know you were a real person like I never put it together now that we're face to face It's weird and he was like, yeah, I get it's cool and that was it But it was cool seeing it In real life right not just, you know screens right so that was fun because the screens can make you do anything You got no remorse. Yeah, you suck kill yourself, you know, and then they do it. You go. Shit. That's real

Yeah, it's the same thing. You know what that goes. It's the same thing with pornography. It's like, yes Yeah, of course. Yeah, if that were a real person, you wouldn't be behaving that way because you have a wife or you have a girl Right, right, right because it's on this screen. It makes it it's distant Right, it's distant, but it still has this residual effect And then the effect that you see in the world from that like It's so funny when when people were ripping on already the other day when it's first happened You know, everybody's getting in arish of fear and cancelling and then the the funniest part to me was People calling him a white supremacist. That's the go-to now. The all right. I think sometimes he's kind of a jewish supremacist

I think sometimes sure his whole new act, you know, yeah, which would be a good name for him. Yeah, that's true Well, judy is I mean in itself is supremacist. They call themselves the chosen one. Yeah, what do you think? You're better than me you fucking jew. Yeah, I thought the chosen one was carmelo anth anyway He ain't no he I also thought the first time a carmelo anthony. He is that well, I thought it was a candy, dude And I was like, I want so caramelo. How could he not have a bar? I know, right? That sounds great. I'd have two of them. Yeah, it made me But I started to get I was like, oh, yeah, people are pissed at all right, man

He fought and I just noticed my brain starting to go down this little. Yeah, it happens. It happens He really fucked up, you know, what's going like it's the mob mentality with the torches and you go, oh, we're burning this lady Let's burn her. Yeah, don't burn me. I think you had to be there and do it. That's true That's true. Now you got, you know, larry ruckus sitting on his couch. He hasn't worked ever And he's like, you know, he has 20 40 000 tweets, right? If you have over 11 000 tweets, dude They should give you an amount per year. Yes. There you go. You really want to use one on this this little situation I remember one time in high school. I was hanging out my friend He's like, uh, my he didn't go to my high school and we went to his football game

And I'm sitting in the stands and you start rooting. That's not my school. I don't give a fuck I don't care what happens to these kids, but you start rooting and it's the same thing It's you want to be a part of something. Yeah, you know, you get on twitter, you know My whole thing was like the arry stuff and all this can't like I just don't care like who gives a fuck Yeah, arry said something crazy. All right. So what go go buy your groceries go jerk off go hug your kids Right who has that much who has too much time to care Yes, I like thinking about it. Like it's interesting to think about why It happened what what's going on like if there was something in his head if he thought before like

But you're already a step ahead if you're sitting back and thinking not everybody's just going off just gut like Primal monkey shit. You're thinking about it. It's just weird thing that we want to be Yeah, you're right. I want to find a way. How do I be better than this person? Yeah, why does this bother people? Why did he do it? What's he trying to get out of it? Like, yeah, that's already you're you're better off Your mind is a little more open. It's interesting. Try to keep it open. It can get it can get closed pretty quick But yeah, try to try to keep it open. Well, it's easy to go gut. It's so easy. Yeah, and we always go the easy route You know, I had a tweet that had to pull down and thankfully I did. I mean some lady out of said Lakers and nicker and nicks You know, uh on the television the other day and they thought she said the n word. Do you see that lady see that? Yeah

Yeah, so right after I was like people started sharing that so I took the Some guy was like, can you believe this lady said this? She needs to be ruined or whatever And I was like I had a tweet. It was like so what you know, no matter how many times she says it or something It's not going to bring him back, you know and Kind of like edgy funny You know heavy stuff from the thief but immediately let me make sure that's exactly what I said uh

so what It's not It still won't bring him back. Yeah, like that. Oh, just this ridiculous idea Sure, that if you said the n word enough, it would bring somebody back from the dead, right, right? Um, do you want to hear the lady say it? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's hear it. Oh a million five views Perfectly cast on the los angeles niggers. Los angeles Like if I could ask you to stay with us it did sound like it. It really did on the los angeles niggers Oh, I think that they adjusted the audio in that one. It is a little there's a pause

Yeah, there's a bit of a hitch in the giddy up Right and see what's crazy is So 1.5 million people if they did adjust that audio you have no idea And that and they and now 1.5 million people think that the lady said that and is she fired or what happened? I don't think so. She did an apology. Chris. Delia had a good tweet. I think yesterday or this morning um earlier today while reporting Delia has good takes on like just Just reality. Yeah, because we get all worked up and shit and then he's like he just kind of cuts to the

This is dumb and you know it and this is why Yeah, he's like anybody. Yeah, imagine thinking she actually was so secretly racist And you just want to virtue signal you feeling guilty about your own risks and want people to think you're not a racist Right. I think there's some truth to that agreed 100% like, you know, you make a joke about watermelon Somebody goes, hey, that's racist. You're like, I didn't even mention black people. You went there. Yeah, what's your brain doing at night? Yeah, some of that stuff's ridiculous And that's where I think sometimes Hollywood gets all cornered up because they've shut themselves Pain of this themselves into this incapable space to be human. Yes. Well said so true

And that's why I come out of the gate going. I'm a piece of shit. I suck. I'm a degenerate. I like Blow and pussy, you know, because I I don't want to fall into that world. It's so fake president Yeah But it's funny though because it's true Yeah, like it feels like those guys in Hollywood, they're all on a reality show and uh, you said fag So now you're you're out the house. You got eliminated. You're done. Like luci k got eliminated. You know, you're like Ah, just eliminate me now. Like I don't even want to play. I don't want to be in the house Yeah, I just want to do blow. Yeah fag in the yard all the time, right? Right. And I'm not a bad guy and I

I have no homophobic thought or I don't even give a shit but but I've noticed that the ball busting Because new york has gotten kind of so wokie and everything that the ball busting has gone la It used to be like tough crowd patrice collin quinn depolo norton keith robinson that those days are over, you know, uh depolo's gone wacky uh political collin quinn's gone one-man show Whatever but like the ball busting now is you guys you and delia and swanson and shab and callin and Those guys are all making fun of each other and it's it's nice to see it again. It's all gone la somehow

Yeah, I I do notice sometimes like yeah, it is uh Like especially on king and this thing there's it's a fun place where we can like just rip each other Yeah, you know and we have that's healthy. We have other people like uh, we have a little bit of diversity on there So it's like a fun place where we can talk about you know joke about race and right like I'm growing up Dude, I remember if you said the n word that's how if somebody beat your ass That's how you knew If you could say it or not, right, right? Yeah, that's how you knew Yeah, but it was a lot of intent too like not intent, but you could feel the heat behind it

You know like I said this on rogan, but in my neighborhood You could feel it if it's the same words like fuck you white boy and then ah, fuck you white boy It's the same words, but it was a way different feeling like if I was on a basketball court And I heard the first one I was like I'm out of here Right, I heard the second one and I'm get a guy in a headlock and noogie them right vitriol Nugget please. Yeah, vitriol who? Johnson one of them has vitriol and one doesn't yeah Dude, it's kind of you know, I was growing up. I was like black people have some of the craziest names

Oh, yeah, I was growing up. Oh, yeah, but now I'm like, dude Some of like you gotta have a unique name and a lot of it's freaking dope, you know Yeah, of course you stand up, but now honkies have gone like gwyneth paltrow's got a kid named apple So we have our own white version of weird. They got like the quanta or whatever the fuck and we got like lighthouse I think it's jason lee's kid is named lighthouse. That's insane. Give that a give that a goog there. Well you nick lighthouse If they did lighthouse for the blind, I would love it That's a little long. Yeah, dude. Also, how risky to put a light you're leading the blind right next to the fucking water, bro Yeah, right? So risky. Damn that was gps back in the day every time I see that ad. I'm like, this is insane, man

How does this end? You know, I know right? Blind people you ever think about like that. They just got to deal with that We had a girl on here a blind person. What? Yeah, really? It was one of our yeah. It was one of our most popular episodes I mean just talking about what it was like. She said she can relate sometimes to computers because That's how her brain feels. It's like the more it goes along certain paths and stuff Yeah, the more it gets used and gets comfortable in that path and like knowing what's going on Interesting how key like sound is to them Um, yeah, of course and how they can feel how other people are feeling a lot of times

Oh, are we talking about the actor Jason Lee? I thought so. He's got one named Casper one. They call birdie Oh, maybe I had the wrong guy. I'm not seeing like Casper's pretty intent. Somebody's got a wacky name like light house or light fixture Light beer. I can't remember I might have lighthouse wrong It could be a fairy maybe You ever take that fairy over there from New Orleans over to the West Bank? Yeah, sure. Mardi Gras world. I would go there Yeah, I used to take that one with my dad all the time. I love that fairy. It was like a buck. Yeah, that was good times Yeah, that thing was good. Remember it cost it a dollar to get into

New Orleans from the West Bank every day those my friends have to pay a buck to get into the city They got rid of that but that was weird as a kid like damn That's kind of shitty to the wankers. Yeah, it really is kind of yeah, you got to pay to get in here Yeah, you have to come over there to work and you also got to pay. Yeah Yeah, the causeway was like that coming from Andeville is like you had to pay. Yeah, it was uh, it was a dollar and then it was a dollar 50 On each side, then eventually it was just three dollars one way Damn So the other way you didn't have to stop you had to pay three dollars up top longest bridge in America

Yep, I think and it was the longest bridge in the world For a while and then Japanese built one longer. I got caught on that bridge Uh about to get murdered. I don't know if you heard about this But uh, we were stopped on the causeway because I we were getting chased by this guy Who was trying to kill us me and a couple high school friends And there was an accident on the causeway. So it was gridlocked So the car had to park and we're like fucking he got out and he was like shaking the car He was like a big buff guy and we were like three squirrely Catholic school kids

And he had a knife and he was like slicing the side of the car up And luckily the cops at the rec saw it and like tased him and pulled him down and cuffed him Oh, that's amazing. It was wild, but I was like go on the causeway. He won't follow us because it's too long But then there was a fucking wreck That causeway man because to me that was a whole other world over there where you live I was like, I don't know what goes on in Covington and Mandeville and all that shit That was uh, I didn't know what that was. It got just why it got what? Yeah, it was just kind of suburban and then it just got a little bit weird the fur that you got out

Yeah, well, I went to lsu for a while and a bunch of guys I live with were from Mandeville and these were tough Ramblin dudes like they could fish and skin a fox and like, you know Fight and you know smoking weed with really worthy. I don't remember any of one guy was named Gabe McCormick One guy was named Jared Smedley. These were like like backyard Rough and tumble kind of guys. Yeah, like Cajun-y dudes. Yeah, and I was glad I was friends with him because they were like tough dudes They saw him fist fight all the time. Oh, wow. Yeah, like they would headbutt a dude and they'd be wearing polo shirts and a woven belt And just knock a guy out at a football game like and they were like my size. They weren't big guys or anything They had a little bit of bravery, huh? Yeah, and they would they had like their own knives. They had knives in their room and shit

Yeah, people like to make knives. Yeah. Yeah, it was like prison-y. Yeah, you know, they had a weird scar on their head and shit Good guys. Yeah. Yeah, they knew how to make a boat out of a log and shit, you know P-rog Yeah, that P-rog man. Oh, yeah, they could catch a crab with their hand out of water and like they could pick up a rock and go All right, the winds going that way like they knew they were almost had like a little Cherokee in their ass Yeah, it was interesting. I think a lot of people have a little bit and they put a little chunk of mud under their tongue, you know Tell if you're a Pisces or not. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, and I came from the city. So I was like, I don't know what the fuck this is Yeah, you know, but uh, yeah cool cool guys

LSU, did you enjoy your time over there? What was it like? I did but I lived in a house with four guys And we had a hot tub and a beer punk table. So I failed. I failed out of three colleges And I eventually got into southeastern and I finished online. Hell. Yeah, dude. You're a lion You're a southeastern lion. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah, dude from Hammond. Yeah, that was a good school. I liked it It's a good school, man. It's a nice little place of it. I went over there to a pumpkin Carving contest one time. Oh nice. We drove over there practice for months, dude And I got over there and I just got too nervous and I ate shit

I just did Lafayette and they were like Dio was just here. It was like the talk of the town. Oh, yeah I did a fun over there that uh, what is that holiday? No double tree hotel. Jason Leonard's got this show and it's killer It's like 300 plus seats. Wow. Great show and they were like Dio was just here and I was like, I know Dio. It was fun Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I get to tell people I know you all the time People ask about you all the time, man. Come on. They do they're always like, oh, yeah You and Mark normally are from the same place right you guys you've probably been one of the most requested people We've had to have on the podcast Whoa

I'll take it I think people expect me because I'm from New Orleans to be like I coming on a gator and I got a fucking three corner Pat on and shit, you know But uh, yeah, I don't know. It was just a city. Yeah, we ate weird food I guess and listen to zydeco and mardi gras and mardi gras. Oh, that was the best Ah, you got two weeks off of school. What are you doing? I mean st. Charles avenue Oh, yeah, so much fun. Remember seventh street. That's where all the kids hung out Do drugs and get drunk and make out and finger girls and eat each other out by the bushes and all that shit

And I remember making out with a girl who had cigarette breath and it was like so hot to me because she was so like adult Yeah, good times. God, that's fun. And you could drink outside there. I got I got knocked out on st. Charles one time Dude, I got knocked out on st. Charles by Lee circle. Oh, shit I got what was it a tall blonde here dude like two like I mean 230 pounds. No, no, no, I wish It was like a college guy. Just like a fat doughy, you know Chunky white guy. Oh, you could have beat that guy. Bet you don't try to beat him or not He snuck me as we used to say that's that's one thing. I don't like that happens in Louisiana. Yeah Yeah, sneak bullshit. That's just kind of shit that I did not like that happened a lot down all the time

Yeah, I was it was a weird story Me and a couple friends were hanging out drinking and these kids like older kids A little boy caught a spear and the spear was like the big one That was like a big ticket item and they were nice. Yeah, they were nice And if you caught one of those like oh shit well done Yeah, and these older kids were like give me the fucking spear kid. He was like no, it's mine And we're like, hey leave the kid alone. It's a spear. What are you crazy like you're 18 1920 What are you crazy and they're who the fuck are you so they start pushing us

So we start pushing them and then one of my friends Got pushed and this is like out of a movie the other guy squatted behind him like an ottoman and he fell over So they start stomping on my friend's face. Yes. Oh, so then I got hit and I go down and I remember see I'm laying on the sidewalk looking at my friend getting smushed by like a Doc Martin. Yeah, you know, and I was like this is bad So we lost pretty quick Now we had the one black friend who was swinging away But uh the cops came and broke it up and we're like, all right. Well, that was crazy. We're all banged up and shit We're like, hey, what are you gonna do? Give me another beer and then we go

Walk like a block and I'm talking to my girlfriend at the time and she goes I think I think that's one of those guys and I was like, huh and I looked the wrong way and he was running this way running start Hit me. I went out and pissed myself. Oh, which is the most embarrassing thing I mean not only getting knocked out but urinating and you first you see you done that so much as a child I guess I guess I got a weak dick stop piss stop or something. I got no cork Yeah, and I went out and I was laying a guy's lawn like drooling and pissing on myself Which is pretty embarrassing and I woke up like two minutes later my girlfriend like Get out of here like swinging her purse. Oh, that's it worse

I'd rather the guy kill me than have a girlfriend standing there saying get out of here. Brutal. He's my man. Yeah Oh, it was brutal man. That's that's the worst dude because that ruins your marty girl Yeah, completely and I had a fucking eggwap right here. It was rough and yeah, that was bad I had to like have lunch with my mom the next day. She's like, what happened? I was like, I fell down the stairs You know, I got hit by a doorknob Brutal brutal, but it humbled you. Yeah, it definitely makes you think about yeah Like yeah, you get you get knocked around a couple times. You get a little bit wiser. Yes. Stay out of certain situations Definitely don't ask questions don't run your mouth. You can notice when things are just starting to heat up

You're gone. Yeah, you can feel that spidey sense is tingling and I saw me those fucking Baton Rouge guys were they would kick you in the face. Yeah, like at a bar and shit like in the parking lot The fights out there were wild got more risky. Yeah, they had a ton of fights at LSU man Oh, yeah, I remember being in a parking lot one time and somebody threw a beer bottle and went right by my head and Shattered on a wall next to me. Damn. I was like some and it's nobody. I didn't even know anybody. I was like somebody's It's cray. You know, I'm just not I have aspirations um

Dude, yeah, I remember one time we're walking down the street and this big white dude I think he was on steroids, bro, and he walked past us and it was me and a couple of my buddies And he goes, uh, oh he turns around. He's like one of y'all called me the n-word and we're like No way, dude. I'm not blind. Yeah. Yeah. What are you crazy? Yeah, bro tighten up. Yeah Before we could say anything bro. He fucking decks one of my buddies, right? Oh, shit. Yeah, they had like a piece of just a piece of like uh, it was like a Not a two by four, but like a maybe a one by two or something Like a really thick dowel rod right there just leaning on this fence

It was marty grouse somebody made a sign and left it there So I just picked it up and just Snapped this guy with it. Really? Yep. He hit me. He hit my buddy. That didn't knock him down. Here's a crazy Who is this n-word? This white n-word is a beast Bro, it did not know this guy was huge man. He was on something like he was just unbeatable, you know Yeah, it was like the first time you get to like the super like them like the the bowser. Yeah You're like, oh, I don't know where he jumps. Right. So I'm fucked. Yeah. I gotta play it a few times to get his rhythm

Yeah Yeah, so this guy was and some girls pull up the only girls We even knew that we had any chance with their marty girl pull up and they're like And for some reason I kind of like falling off to the side of the fight and like hey, what are you guys doing? And we're like like oh this guy's beating the shit out of us. What does it look like we're doing? No joke the girl goes, okay. Well, we're just gonna find a place to park. I'm like, oh We're just looking for parking. I like that gal. She's not fazed by shit So man this guy cracked me right in the middle of the head and it was this horrible big red. Well, yeah

Yeah, and I got some ash out of a thing and tried to fake that ash Wednesday. Oh smart smart move You should have gone full muslim just put that dot down there Yeah, wow, he got you right here. Oh man. He got me right there, man And yeah, it definitely kind of woke me up like it shook my head a little sure it almost made me feel pretty cool Yeah, you get a rush and you feel alive. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, oh right on man. I can get knocked out. Yeah It's very primal, you know, like we grew up not grew up when we evolved fighting Yeah, and so it's something in you. I mean you picked that stick up pretty quick. Yeah, you weren't like should I pick up the stick? You just went for it. Yeah, it was fun hitting him too right in the neck. I bet I can't believe that didn't knock him out

Or knock him down at least. No, not this guy. Damn. I would have hit him about 40 times from to go down It was right here was the worst part right when I picked it up. I realized it wasn't that strong It was like I wished it was like flimsy. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of wasn't that sturdy. Yeah, that sucks It was almost like slapping somebody with a piece of wood You hit a guy with like a paint stirrer Oh, that sucks. He just made him mad. Yeah. Yeah, all it did was make him mad. Right. Right. He started blinking like on the screen You're like, uh-oh, this isn't good. Right. Right. You needed a flower to fireball him Damn. Um, what else did we cover everything? Nick, you got anything? Any more questions?

All the good ones, the other ones you kind of answered within conversation. Oh, all right. All right. Hope we weren't too serious Hope there was some some yucks in there. I was yucking it up. All right. Yeah, I thought it was fun, man It's just also just nice to get to chat. We never really got to sit down and chat that much That's the beauty of pods man. It brings people together like I have friends who I don't see unless we podcast Yeah, it's kind of sad, but we're working. We're always busy. Yeah What's it like at the cellar these days over there? It's different. It's definitely more, uh, you know diverse and like spread out and no one calls anybody on shit Which I think like I'm all for diversity and I'm all for new people and hanging out and different voices, but

It was a it was a better place when you were more honest Now it's like, well, this is a Gay trans or whatever. So I'm not gonna push it. Right, you know But he might have a hacky joke that I heard before but I'm like, I don't want to just Ruffle any feathers because I don't want to seem like I'm this guy. Right. Which I think is worse. That's not progress Right. I thought it was about treating everybody equally But we're so nervous about stepping on toes and being called phobic or this and that so like that part's weird Man, yeah, that seems like a really tough environment. Yeah, like back in the day patrice would go

What the fuck is that hat? You know and you can't do that now. He's like, I don't know if that hat's a fucking garb or uh, yeah That's like a service hat. Right. Right. Right. And now I'm classist or some shit. So yeah Yeah, it's it's different. You got to watch your peas and cues where before it was like you just kind of shot from the hip Which I think there's some goodness to that. You know, you know, you don't want a football coach Who's going? Hey, everything was great. Now you got a guy going. Hey, you fuck that up Do that again get down on four knees and this and that take a knee whatever but Yeah, so we're missing that part, but it's still a great club. Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. That place is legendary

Oh, have you worked there ever? Yeah Schumer and Neil Brennan helped me get past there. Nice. All right. It's I mean, that's a tight comedy box It's a laugh box. I was so nervous even when I went back there last time like maybe four months ago I passed your time and even go perform. I just went by to say, hey, I was just like so nervous just even Yeah, it's weird. I mean the store used to be like that, but the store's kind of gotten more welcoming. I feel like yeah, definitely Yeah, I think well, there's so many comics. There's so many people there usually at night Yeah, you know a lot more people now right right that helps. Yeah, I mean you definitely people, you know, you say mark normally people like Oh, yeah, right. I'm not gonna lie to you like a couple years ago. I'd see you and just be like, uh

I don't know anybody was like high school at the cafeteria. Like we have some connection. I need you But you were doing shit. You were busy and I was like, all right. I gotta I gotta learn to just sit here alone Damn, but you know, you know, it is when you're you're different. You want to fucking cling to some guy? Oh, yeah, totally Yeah, it's funny. It's like the things that we it's like so easily like if You know like say like a missile hit it would be interesting to see how quick people got into like What what would make attract people to different people and get into certain groups and clicks, you know for sure for sure I always say like remember world war three was about to happen. You know, but trump everything with a ran

Yeah, and everybody's like this is awful and you know, everybody's got jokes about it I'm like, it's not that bad if you're checking your retweets. You know, if you're checking your retweets It's not really an emergency. We all pretend like we're living in this crisis time and everything's going on fire around us You know, but if you're going here's my trump joke. How's that doing? Things aren't that bad if your house is on fire You're not tweeting shit. You know what I mean? So that's how you kind of know if things are really bad And then of course it turned into nothing and nobody cared 10 minutes later, but Yeah, I feel like that's a good point because People are gonna my dad used to always say we need a war we need a war people are black versus white rich versus poor

Men versus women we need a war to bring us all together, which is not a great mentality But I thought about that before. Yeah, like you need some kind of common enemy like we used to hate the nazis Then we hated the Russians and you know, you got to have some kind of Bonding factor, which we don't really have anymore. Everybody's doing their own shit. You got a pod. He's got a web series. She's uh diorama Yeah, he's got an easel. He's like I got a compass That's a Demetri Martin reference too guys. Just so you know what's going on here. We should do a showdown in New Orleans Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. I would love that. That'd be great. We could sell out the mahalia or uh, that's pretty big

That sanger might be cool. Oh Me you patent I could be fun. I could be fun. My uh My dad's kid from his first marriage bought that place. What? He got your dad. He owned that. He's showing that bar right there on your shirt. Tip of Tina's my dad's son from his first marriage. Yeah Oh, so so a half brother. Yeah, half brother. He's like he died He actually died in the woods. He actually got shot, but he was like 68 or 70. I think he died a couple months ago He must have been a big hitter. I mean, he did. Yeah, they did well

It was crazy because we didn't have anything. Yeah, this old dad and he had this other family from you know 30 years earlier that's wild and they own tip of Tina's and they own like all this nice stuff So could you come into town and get kind of wind and dine? No, ah Yeah, we just didn't have that damn, but I had like a common enemy though. I was like, oh, fuck them There you go. You know, yeah, I thought you're my half bro. Yeah, hook me up with some tickets. Yeah, get me in there, dude I want to see uh Uh Disco biscuits tonight. I want to see bag of donuts. Yeah, remember them. Oh dude. Remember them. They played nine of my prom

They're the only band them. Yeah cowboy mouth. Yes. We had better than Ezra. I think better than Ezra. I really like I did too. Yeah, I remember run and do the wet grass falling a step behind That's all I knew Yeah, me too, uh Dude bag of dude. First of all cowboy mouth They can't play everything dude. No, it would be at nine things. They'd be at a funeral, right? They'd be at a um ICU opening. Yeah, they would be christening. Yeah everything. What's going on? Then they had the radiators was a big one radiators. They opened up a restaurant in the north shore in manneville called

Mandy's restaurant. Oh, shit. I didn't know that grilled biscuits, bro. So good. All right, Frank the radiators owns it and then they had uh Uh, the what was the uh, oh the brass band uh rebirth rebirth rebirth was big Rebirth. Yeah about 10 years ago or 12 years ago. They really like got on the national level. Yeah, that's right They played on all the football games and stuff. Wow. Good for them. I used them in my first special I played rebirth to open it up. Oh really? Yeah, dude. I played ricky b. Oh Oh, shes never shakin for you. Yeah, of course. I grew up on that song. Yeah, dude bounce wrap. Yeah Uh, what was it partners in crime? Oh, yeah, that's that new mr. Meena with the fucking goat. Yes. Holy shit. This is my whole Uh sock hop life. I don't love them hoes. I don't love them hoes. And they all had dance certain dance moves with it and shit

I knew all that stuff dude. They played. I don't love them hoes, bro. No joke in my uncle's funeral. How crazy is that? Like that's Louisiana, dude. Yeah, yeah Look, bro. Oh, we used to go to fucking uh, what was that? Me so horny. What's that band two live crew? Oh, oh, that's a great show Yeah, one of them was on Um, uh Tom cigarettes podcast recently. Oh shit your mom says live. I think Lonnie live or whatever that man's name was Oh, wow, or it might have been crew. I don't know who it was one of them, dude Yeah, um good times. I mean what bag of doughnut. They were pretty good. I wonder if they like

Moved on and did they would go but they ended up they were always shooting toilet paper at the end Right. They had that toilet paper gun. Yeah, that's that's a point where people didn't take them as serious, right? Hey, they became like hype men. Yes. Yeah, they were a great like I remember they'd come over to the north shore and play and people would go Nuts go nuts bag of doughnuts. It's calm. Yeah. I saw my frat party and I was like, how'd you get them? Holy shit? You guys have some money. Yeah, or who's that guy? I don't want to book to work and then I got high Effero man. He was big. I don't think he was from there, but he blew up there I want to be my y'all's a book Because I got high bro. I saw him one time. He was so drunk on a stage. He vomited in his hat and just threw it off the back of

The stage and just kept saying damn At Ole Miss University. Wow. I saw him live once and he had all these other songs. Everybody's kind of like, all right Then he played I got high and everybody's like And then he went back the other one. We're like, all right, let's get out of here. I felt bad for That's all they wanted to hear. I mean, let's be honest Dude, yeah, man. And one thing I loved about being around Louisiana, especially the ones that was going to get oysters That was something that was nice all the time. Love an oyster on the half shell. A lot of people don't like it. Yeah, it's crazy I mean, I get it. It is a gooey, snotty thing out of a shell. It's got a weird consistency. It's like a loogie

But I love it. It's risque, but a girl will give a blow job. He ain't gonna have an oyster dude. I'm out of here, bro It's a good point. Good point. Yeah So no, I'm breaking oysters out of the fridge just to see what her vibe is, you know what I was saying Yeah, yeah I love them. But uh, you got I think you got to grow up with them. Yeah Same with Crawford people like, why do you waste time? It's so I'm like, it's about the hang. We're at a table We got a keg of beer. We're throwing shells in the hole in the table. It's great. Yeah, everybody's signed it Everybody's got sinuses. Yeah, fat uncle came over. He needs in a boot. Right. Right. That's the craziest

Some slow walking Fucking Buzz Aldrin ass dude shows up. Yeah, your nana's there. You got to peel them for her Yeah, she was she's friends with Rosa Parks, you know, you can't even see Yeah Or throws a parks, which is my nickname for cam newton. Oh, I like it. They're pretty good. That's pretty good with the headdress It's okay. He's high. He's a hot hot black man. What do you think happens to drew breeze man? Do you have any insights? I think he had a good run. I think his hair is going and I think uh, he's a cool dude Now he's great for the city, but I mean I think time

has come Yeah, what do you think you'll think it man? I mean he's he completed 73% of his passes last year. That's the crazy part. That's great Right. Yeah, that's great. It's a C. Yeah Yeah, that's a plus No, I like drew. I'm a big guy. He's like the mayor, you know, if he came down to Orleans in a convertible and just waved I mean the fucking shut buildings would shut down and people would jump out of windows I mean, he's the guy. Yeah, he's fun to watch on instagram as his kids and stuff Oh, I gotta I gotta follow three or four kids on there. Uh, he's got three little boys and a little girl

Does he does he know you? Yeah, I'll tell you this the only time I ever met him Was at lucies. Huh? Scott Fajita who was a football player for the saints brought him out to The comedy show one night at lucies. Wow might have been on stage two and then Scott afterwards He stayed for the whole show three at like one of the worst long 22 comedians Oh, I got him cornbread. Yeah. Yeah red bean dust muppet rude boy. Yeah, uh arterios sclerosis Do this black set of twins

She actually he was greek. I think uh, yeah, that's right. That sounds more greek. Um, yeah, that was a shit show I mean and they brought and then afterwards scott said oh, hey, this is the new quarterback. This is drew This is drew. Wow. So you saw a young drew and he was nice. Yeah, he just shook hands He had on a hat and nobody knew who nobody was I mean people knew but nobody like new new new. Yeah. Yeah By the way, it's gotta suck to be scott fajita because everybody's going fajita. Nah, fajita. Yeah fajita fajita Unless you open up a restaurant after now you're sizzling fajitas. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Come get these fajitas in your mouth I love is there anything better than a fajita plate that sizzle coming at you. Yeah the piping hot It's it's bubbling and crackling and it's got the smoke. Everybody at the table is jealous. Like dammit. Yeah, I gotta fucking

Yeah, I got the wonton. Yeah, I got enchiladas here. You're you're sizzling Yeah, I used to think it was a mexican birthday cake when they brought it out I didn't know what was going on. Right. You know, it shows up and you blow on it. Yeah You make a wish Uh, mark norman, thanks for coming in man. Where are you coming up? Where are you gonna be? Are you coming up in some school? When's this come out? Uh, tomorrow. Oh, great. I'm at the La Jolla comedy store tonight Okay, great and all weekend and I'm doing the the road and I'm finally selling tickets for the love of Allah Jesus, but I'm all my dates are on mark norman comedy.com. Are they and uh,

I'm uh, I got my own podcast called Tuesdays with stories. See me in new york. Follow me on instagram Uh, kweef anal semen go nuts. We'd love to have you. I'm all over the road this year. So check that I'll do it. So yeah, so just don't drive behind him is what he's saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been drinking So uh, be careful out there, but I'm on a moped. So you'll probably kill me before I kill you You name it. I'm coming chicago uh utah Royal oak you all the good ones

Okay Uh, cool. Uh, thank you guys. Yeah, thank you guys for being here man. Thank you. Yeah, it was a bum man Praise Allah. Yay. Now. I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself on one

Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will swing it Just go