This Past Weekend - Neal Brennan | This Past Weekend #246

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

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Today's guest is a young man who is a co-creator of the Dave Chappelle show He has a Netflix special called Three Mikes and another half-hour special on Netflix on Comedians of the world. He also has a podcast called how Neil feels and we're gonna get it into all of it today He's a friend of mine from the comedy store as well. Give it up for the hilarious. Mr. Neil Brennan I Should come on stage Yeah, because well, I just put it in my mouth people do get mad people I remember when I first started podcast and People would say man, and can you your breathing pattern? I remember

They wanted a real specific way like now man, this is not gonna work for me Yeah, they're like leave like this. Yeah, the iambic pentameter of your breath is really can you breathe with a little more treble some guy wrote? Yeah, this is not gonna I've been listening to your breathing and I refuse I can't I can't go on like this if you're gonna breathe Yeah, people get real. They just needed to breathe one more time like that in cats. Yeah, fuck this guy Fucking change the station But then I get worried that some kid is getting abused or beaten afterwards because of like some that some you did well Some dad can't stand the breathing pattern. It sends him into a loop. You know, that's where some of my fears go Yeah, sure. You don't do the headphones. Oh, yeah, I do them sometimes sometimes. Well, I mean you we don't have to

I'm happy to turn them off. I don't know okay Well, so so feel this vibe with the headphones and to see how you feel with it off sometimes for me It's just like a feeling kind of thing. Oh, I like it better cuz cool cuz I'm locked you in Just sonically, it's more pleasing I like the sonics. It's just better like there you are. Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna Tesla a little now. Yep Yeah, this that's where that's where I like you got the Tesla. I did I Wanted to get the cheap one, but they didn't have any and I got the so I I at least the expensive one And what is the price on that? I've seen you in it, man

You win and when you guys show up in the Tesla's at first. I'm like, oh fuck these guys are you know Fuck these Jetsons, you know, right? But now I'm starting. I'm honestly starting to get a little bit curious. I like gasoline I like the chance to fuck you think you have you been in Joe's? No, dude. They are so fast It's it made me laugh out loud and I don't care about speed. I don't care about I just don't but I Got in the car. I test drove it and I laughed out loud and I was like alright I have to get this cuz I nothing makes me laugh Like I got it cuz maybe but you if you if you ride in it once you'll be like, okay

Well, and what is it? Does it feel like does it feel like you're on a conveyor belt? That's what I imagined It would be like no it just feels like you're in Like FedEx or something. You feel like you're being FedEx somewhere. I Can't it's so fat. You know when you're like on a roller coaster and it first starts. Yeah, it's like that Whenever you want it to be Okay, so the fun thing is if you cut people off But you know just in traffic and not like your intention, but you just cut them off and then you hit the gas It's like

Sorry, I'm not gonna be a problem like you thought you were mad and before they even get mad. You're gone that I love Why so people need to have time to get mad. No, baby. You don't even get people can't get mad That's what that's what's most gratifying for me and in some rural areas. I bet you cut somebody off in a Tesla They're just taking pictures like oh, yeah, man. They're just fucking what was that? Yeah, what the fuck? Hello, police? Yeah, I got to report something I don't even know what the fuck it was, but I'm reporting it You guys should know about this thing. I think it's an undercover cop There's something the fucking future man's here. So now what else is possible in there? Like do they how accurate is the real you can drive home without having to touch this?

You know how okay on the freeway you can hit the thing it will stay in the lane Mm-hmm, and it will not it'll keep whatever number of cars you tell Behind like if it's stay one cars distance. That's what it'll get to with whoever's in front of you Or if there's no one in front of you you set a limit 85 90 70 Because that's great, but the problem is You can Reese you have to like check in every 40 seconds, okay? You have to like jiggle the steering wheel every 40 seconds. So what happens it shuts down? Yeah, it'll beep and then it'll go your it. What's funny is it kicks you off autopilot like no you're you've lost your privileges

And what you just wake up back at home? No, then you have to draw you for that drive you can no longer do autopilot like no you can't handle Wow, so you're fucking kicked off autopilot. Yeah, so and then so then you have to if you want autopilot Like it's happened to me where I got kicked off autopilot. Yeah, so then I had to stop Go to the store and like start over and ask for that Like baby, I know I fucked up But if you could see to it to where I could do the autopilot Yeah, you have to start over maybe I'm big and maybe yeah, yeah, maybe yeah, that's like it feels like lights can aren't big

Yeah, because yeah, I think about it because I cuz you in a regular car, man Like I got a Jeep grand Cherokee. You can just doze off for a second, but you have to wake back up Yeah, yeah, this and they won't kick you off. You can repeatedly do that. Oh, you can do that shit all the way San Diego, bro. If you're driving in the middle of the night, bro, I'll fucking take about 20 seconds I'll set my timer on my phone for about 20 seconds and totally shut down. Yeah, sure, of course and it's totally safe Yeah, I mean it's you have to get up at the foot. You can't hit snooze. Are you the fucking snooze twice? Yeah, you're gonna wake up in a 7-eleven man. Let's check it's real risky out there. Um, wow, so you're in now. Did you Does it make you feel less like a man like less manly to not have gas? Yeah

No, cuz if you if you hit the gas once, yeah, if you hit the acceleration once You've never felt like more of a man in your life. No way. I'm Joe Rogan has one. I know and at first when he was the biggest man any of us have ever met He's the greatest man top to bottom values wise physicality ideology Fucking this guy

Does UFC he fucks with alien DMT. He does all the acronyms HIV does it all enough. He does all the acronyms, and he does it all. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah fucking he does them all so So he does all of them so he and he's got one so if it's good enough for Joe, I don't see But when you go back in a regular car, does it figure going back in the past? It feels like a failure It really feels like you failed like man. This is fucking bullshit And honestly, I can't I mean backing up doesn't feel right It just none of it works once you've once you've gone to a Tesla It's like going to a flip phone dude. It reminds me that's what I'm saying

It reminds me for you for I was like a probably about a three-year holdout on cell phone I was like, oh, this shit ain't take really. Yeah, you didn't you do was like this is not gonna happen I was like, this is insane. Yeah, what do you why you didn't like that? You were always available I think I'm a traditionalist. You're an analog guy. Yeah, I am. Yeah, my brain runs a little bit more analog And I'm just a little bit more I Need that I just yeah, I just wasn't ready for it. I said man, this shit is insane You know, nobody's gonna believe it say if you tell somebody something in with phone and they hear it But is it as true as if you tell somebody something in person? Yeah, I had thoughts like that like is there the same value on the on the

Whatever the voice or whatever like does it mean anything? I think you're kidding a little bit and I also think you're not kidding at all Yeah, like I think there's you know, there's a thing called epigenetics, which is Parents DNA is in you. I believe that like it's basically like your parents can experience something and then you have the react the trauma Right, but you got some 1800 shit in you. Yeah, I believe when was your father born? No, 1910 That's insane. So yeah, I think my grandfather was born in 1880. So I believe I do have some of that. Yeah I probably have some fucking. Yeah. I mean my dad had a whore his boy

You know his neighbor had a horse. I remember and they had a horse for a little while that they let him watch it. Yeah Um, but yeah, I thought the value. No, I remember thinking the value of communication is gonna really It does it just degrade yeah degraded and you I mean you were right you're right. It's too much Yeah, but much but when I got one. I remember thinking holy shit, dude There's nothing I can't do I Write your own ticket, man Yeah, you're and you're also that's also true. Yeah, like it's fucking it's a big deal

It's first cell phones a big deal. They just re-release the razor phone. Yeah, I saw that and it was like I thought about that time and 99 1998 99 having a cell phone. It was a thing was yours a razor. Would you have I think I had a razor at one point I had the black razor. Did you get that T-Mobile sidekick ever? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely not long though because they didn't really They came and then they would then they went away. Yeah But yeah, it was a big yeah getting emails on a phone was great. That was a psychic was the first one So I kick you flip up and it made you seem close. You people heard that noise. Yeah, what is that guy? What the fuck? Yeah, people dropping drinks and shit as you slow motion

So so yeah, it was a big deal, but you are an analog guy. Yeah, do you feel like that is your Problem, I know that's like a big but you feel like you're Or you are uncomfortable in a lot of it's like you seem at ill it you seem at ease and then at the same time you feel like You don't understand what's going on Some I just thought of this recently man. I sometimes I have a I'm upset that time moves so fast. It's like I just I Just feel like I can't ever win I just can't ever really get a grasp of what's going on and it keeps happening, you know And it really does. I think sometimes frustrate me a little bit. What is the what what do you want to get a grasp on?

I think just to feel like I'm kind of in control that everything that I'm gonna be able to control like I guess that I'm in control You know that I'm okay, you know, okay. I got the hang of what's going on now. Yeah without things need changing so much And is that within relationships or that's within everything? I think that's just with an existence really yeah So I think yeah, I just just thinking about that the other day. I just sometimes feel You know, not like it's a bad thing, but like I just realized. Oh, wow. I have this this irrational idea that like almost a resentment against time because I can't Get a contract I can't it won't let me grasp everything at once, you know It won't let me you can't organize everything as well as you need to because it just keeps happening

It keeps going and and also then I think because I'm probably lazy sometimes and so it's like damn give me a chance I don't think you're lazy time. I don't I don't know your schedule, but you seem pretty Active. Yeah, am I wrong? Uh, I think I I think I procrastinate I think sometimes, you know what I thought the other day man I put I set this weird bar in my mind that everything needs to be perfect or I everything needs to be perfect But then I also know this thing about myself that I procrastinate sometimes and so I will set both It's like I will set the bar high. Oh, yeah, you know that that's one of the reasons people procrastinate is Fear of perfection or not fear of perfection. They are perfectionists. So you're like, well, I can't start now

because I'll get to Uh, it's not right yet. Like I don't have it set up. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fail. You're gonna fail A lot of procrastination is just fear of failure. Yeah is is feeling like you can't So and then you'll start when you go. Well, if I don't I'm fucked if I don't start now So that's the only like the fear of being fucked is greater than the Fear of being imperfect. Hmm. And then once you get to that point You go, okay, don't start or like you have to start. Yeah, I'm that last minute starter a lot of times But things are working out for you, man. Yeah, things are going. Okay, man. It's crazy this year

I got in so much fear, man. I just got You know, it's just and I'm not trying to sound like ungrateful or I just yeah, this year was just fucking crazy Bro, it was crazy. It was just a crazy year. It was busy and it was hard and it was what did you find hard about it? Because I think people from the outside in people would assume It was it's been great for you. It's people would think it's probably the best year of your life, right? Yeah, and and I think I just couldn't feel it. I just couldn't I just think I just got real scared, man I got real scared, bro. But what what up? Just like of that things we're gonna I

Think for one of not maybe knowing who I was as things got more successful You know, like I'd always been this like I'd always felt like I didn't have a chance a little bit Mm-hmm, and I'd always really like that had always been something that it really like carried me Oh, yeah, you were like an underdog. Yeah, like an underdog I felt like underdog who wouldn't get you were getting fucked and you were they are not helping me and yeah motherfuckers And yeah, and then you and you're like, oh wait, they you're not I mean you are still but that's part of your appeal Yeah, and I just didn't know yeah. Yeah, I just but then I felt like I didn't know how to be I Don't know. I felt like I didn't know how to be successful and then I got scared

I started to get real scared and I got real like controlling even this year like everything just I wanted everything to be I Needed help and I was afraid to ask for help and so then everything felt like it was on me What do you need help with? Just with though just with like touring and doing that kind of stuff and being willing to like just trust that other people know What's good and I don't know. I think I just had like a lot of just like I mean for me A lot of it goes back to like my alcoholism stuff. It's just a lot of that stuff just flared up like just fear Just came up everywhere. Yeah, it just came up everywhere, man. I was just I don't know man I just got kind of scared and it's not like a self-pity thing

I'm not feeling sorry for myself like and also I couldn't feel gratitude I really needed to feel grateful and I was and I felt so grateful for for The past couple years man, and then I just I just had a tough time man, and I just got real scared Honestly, bro. I got real what were you what were you you were afraid that it was all gonna go away or something? Yeah, I was afraid that I was just gonna mess it up. Yeah, you know, I was afraid that You know that I was a phony I was afraid that I was like a liar just I was afraid that I was no good Just a lot of just self-worth just didn't it just was hard, you know, not in a bad way

I think the only thing that you would fuck up is if you weren't yourself. Yeah, I think that's the only Only that it's the old people like you because you are you're unique Like just watching him known you probably eight years or something, but yeah watching you It's been cool watching you go from I Gotta say your haircut From the outside in was a turning point seemingly. Yeah because you you were just like trying to be Kind of like LA or appealing or something or something. I don't know what you were trying to be just like a like

Just more like everybody else. Yeah, and then you got then you started doing this with your hair and it felt like Everything fell into place. Yeah, like I felt more like myself Yeah, like if you felt like more like yourself and you like you started being more yourself on stage Yeah, and being weirder on stage and being more Regional or southern than you'd been before. Yeah, and and and then and then you started podcast It just felt like all these things started happening in sequence and from the outside in and just a guy who sees you at night It seemed like once you had that hair, it was like he's empowering Am I wrong? No, it felt very empowering man

I think all my life, too. I've had a big nose. I've always been scared to have like like real short hair Cuz there's less things to hide behind, you know, you're here's the thing about you that I've always said about you that you you're good-looking And you don't think you are yeah, you are good-looking like I bet if they asked most I bet most women would say you're like an eight Yeah, I say that if I brush my teeth I am an eight but I believe everybody's an eight if they take care if they clean up and they take care of themselves I believe that Okay, I don't agree. Okay. I Respectfully disagree with that

But you're and you're definitely an eight cuz you're like kind of tangy got olive skin. You got night, you know, like you were symmetrical The big nose thing. I don't think it's true. I mean, it's fine. I have a big nose, but like mine's bigger Yours me I'd love that lean. Yeah, I got that mine. You know, I got the Pippin nose, man. I love that fucking lean. Yeah, you got that You got like meat so yeah, that thing is fucking like a thought bro, I feel like it should be in a thong sometimes You got that donk on your face man So anyway growing my hair longer once I was like Yeah, and I think for years I'd try to audition in Hollywood and been like I just I hated it I fucking hated going to auditions. Yeah, absolutely hated it. I felt uncomfortable. I

Just was scared. Yeah, I just didn't I didn't like it and I didn't want to admit that I didn't like it I was afraid to say, you know what? I don't like this I felt like I had to do it and then yeah, once I just kind of like oh, I never I saw some pictures myself I said I'm never gonna have real long hair, you know, I had it when I was really young, right? But I'm never gonna have it again unless I grow it now and then once I grew my hair out Man, I started to feel like a fucking young like just like a king, bro Just like somebody who had a fucking it's like having a dick on the back of your head, bro Yeah, it feels empowering, dude

It's what it looks like that because it's like hey, you know what I'm gonna look how I look It this you that's the way this looks the way You probably feel it looks like your character. Yeah It looks like what I would assume your character and it also looks like your it looks like your character like your Your values and all that shit, but it also looks like the not like Theo von's a character, but like the thing that's funny about you is Also that yeah, it's the guy that wants to an adult that wants his hair like this in 2019 It's beautiful. Yeah is who you are and that's

Like it fucking yeah, I don't I'm glad that I was right about it cuz I was like it seems like once he grew his hair like this everything yeah Yeah, I guess I Got scared to like say that I wasn't feel it was hard for me to tell how I was feeling and and then I was like Nobody wants to hear somebody who's doing well complain nobody wants to hear them complain Yeah, and so that kind of got tough for me to like even on just of the regular episodes of this podcast just by myself to talk about things because I Just felt like man. I just I don't want to be I don't want to have self pity, but I don't know what's going on right now

I'm just you know, I'm just I was just I was just scared, you know, I was just scared really when I think about it And how does it resolve or did it? It's just kind of resolving I'm just like trying to get more like in a 12-step right now and just really focusing on that and like Were you not doing that? I was but in my that my program had gotten real small whenever I was just working all the time Yeah, you know my life got big and my program got small Yeah, and I think I was angry at being at some success because I thought I would feel better. Yeah Oh, yeah, that's the other thing when I got you think like well that if Putting

Conditions on your happiness. Yeah going well. I'm not happy now I'm not even gonna allow myself to be happy now because I don't deserve it. Yeah, and then you Good shit happens and and you're like Fuck this didn't work either like what's gonna work the fuck is gonna work and what I I will say that It is gratifying to be the times I've had like You know weeks or months of like attention is gratifying it feels good Yeah, you know what I mean? It feels gratifying to it feels shallow to admit it, but it feels good when people yeah That feels good our ego feels good. We feel good. Yeah, it's nice whenever people will acknowledge you. Yeah, um and

But at the same time it it shitty that you that you that we live I feel like it's partially like American to only be happy if You accomplish X yeah, and and I've been trying to do a thing and it's varying degrees of success But where I'm like no just give yourself that esteem For not for not for nothing just for why put it on some Why leave it up to a situation or the way to make you feel good about yourself. Yeah, you feel good It's like I can just feel good

Because life is short right and and like I you know It's like I used to beat myself up for not being as funny as blank, and it's like All right, maybe I'm never gonna be as funny as fucking Bilber or Chris or Dave or what it's like What so I'm supposed to fucking Sulk my whole life. Yeah, I want to fucking have a fun time With my skill level and you're funny. He's totally different too. Of course. Yeah, of course Or like I have different talents right, but we don't recognize those things. We just yeah, we set these things and it's like

Yeah, and it's yeah, we just set these comparisons and it's good for business It is good for American business when everyone feels insecure that everybody feels like they got to work harder and rise and grind and all that But if you just get to the point of like no, I I'm I want to have a fun I want to feel good. Yeah, like I meditate and then in the last two minutes. I just go like Just feel good in your body for no reason. Yeah, just just feel good your job on in on earth is to feel good That's my job to make myself to have as much serotonin flowing through my body as I possibly tone in jockey board Yeah, like and and without without drugs or drink whatever just getting things going Feeling that is they that to me is the mark of a life well-lived. Yeah, how good did I feel?

Minute to minute a man, bro. Honestly. No, I feel you 100% like yeah Like I and without drinking or drugs or whatever. Yeah, like how did I fucking have fun? Did I have fun? That's all I think about now when people die Did he have fun? Did she have a good time? Not did was she? Upstanding and didn't he fucking enjoy himself? Did he wear the mink ever? Yeah, exactly like Twice. Yeah, was he a member? Was he a respected member of society? No, fuck it. Did you? Enjoy did you like it?

That's the thing is when that haircut is you are fucking liking it. Yeah, that's a thing you fucking my values my My barometer is I don't care about anybody else's mine What do you know what I've been doing? Closing my ears like literally like we're like a little kid where you like close your ears and it's like acoustic thing It's going what do I like? Yes, what do I like and then you go? I like ice cream or it'll the most basic shit comes up. I like ice cream. I like jerking off

I like whatever you like. Yeah, come up and just do that. Yeah, just do that. That's that's what? Well, just do that as much as you can without fucking up your life. Yeah, and that's the hard It's the hardest thing to remember the hardest thing to remember like fuck everyone else's values What do you like and if it's like if you're if you're victimizing people you're doing it wrong, right? Right like not without you know without being abusing yourself or abusing, you know relationships or whatever But just what do you like? That's the lowest? That's just between you and you. Yeah, do that as much as you can. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah having that personal relationship with yourself and just yeah, that's huge It's yeah, we lose it. Yeah, some of that's gotten lost. I think in these definitely an American thing

Like it's such a it's such a blessing to be able to live here and stuff But at the same time that we start to see like the devalue You the devaluation I think of being a human once you like at a certain level of like comfort and stuff We you really fall out of like whatever tribal or whatever. Yeah, stinctural whatever confidence Stuff is inside of you. That's the nice thing about 12 step programs. Yeah, is you're in a tribe You're that's probably what you like about it. Oh, yeah, man. I just saw a guy at the gym this morning Last night. I'm somewhere and I see yeah, I went to a meeting last night and it is man It's one of the things that I didn't have here in LA. Yeah, it's like sitting

Just sitting across from somebody and talking about we could talk about how we feel like we can have conversations like this A lot of times where it's a little bit more like You know cuz Yeah, just like about what's going on or emotional. I need help like hey, I need help I have to talk I have to call someone today and tell them not good news and then I'm going to talk to them Not good news and that kind of or something I have to make a call and that stuff always scares me So it's like now I can ask somebody who's done it before or is older than me who has a business or something How do I do this, you know, and they'll tell me and they're like it's gonna be okay

You know, don't let it spin in your head where you're up. Yeah, the night you've had nine conversations with the guy Yeah, now I don't have to do that. That shit doesn't have to happen. I can say okay You know, I'm powerless over the situation, but somebody else I know can help me. Yeah, and it can be a friend It just yeah, it creates a brotherhood, you know, yeah, I've never gone to 12-step programs. I've been like fuck I shouldn't have come in Fucking waste in my time. It's always like at least nice. Yeah, it's at best Incredibly helpful and at least like oh, this is cool. Yeah Yeah, I got in this year my program got real small

So I didn't have any of the tools I was needing like I had no tools I was just like holding on and our podcast It was just more about like helping people and being involved in people's lives And I just felt like disconnected at some points and yeah, and I should have just talked about that like why I feel disconnected Well, I've watched your thing about the why you got sober thing. Yeah, and that's like one of your very popular clip of yours, right? Yeah, yeah, and that's what That's what people like about you man. Yeah, is that you don't understand you're like You if you were like a logo, you'd be like a guy just carrying a bunch of shit around

Like that guy right there. Yeah, that's like you like you're like, I don't know what but it's like feelings It's just like emotional shit and discomfort and like you're walking around Like I don't know what to do peach cobbler is one of them down matches fucking fireworks like Bunch of clothes Like wet clothes like the dryer broke and you got fucking

And you're looking for like a place to set them down you're just carrying a bunch of shit around looking for a place to set it And You can't figure and that's your appeal. Yeah, that's like and people and watching you struggle is The emotion is like the fun of it. That's the like not the fun of it But it's it's fun to watch a guy who doesn't think he knows what he's doing, but you do know what you're you like You If you talk it out, you'll be okay. Yeah, I just quit talking it out, man Yeah, I didn't have a place to talk it out and then everything not everything everything's good

Everything's okay, but my head started to swirl that everything was you know, just a lot of negative things came in and And so then I just wasn't in I was living my dream and not even enjoying Try to see not enjoying it, but I felt like I was just it was a I was just scared I don't know I just felt fucking scared and it was a huge just a lot just a lot of changes like well, that's the other thing people don't realize about Fame or success or something it is isolating and it's a little scary because you're like fuck It's like having a Superpowers of Mori like fuck like

People know me now just the shit. It's just different and it's less human. It's less human. Yeah, it's less of a human It's less of a normal human experience like even fame a thousand years ago It was like everyone in the trouble everyone in the tribe knew everybody anyway, but like you got a little more respect You felt like I'm the shaman and people think I'm cool. Yeah rock thrower. Yeah. Yeah, I throw I'm the fucking right charge of rocks. Yeah, I'm the guy that fucks and it's a wood guy at night by the fire Yeah, just huge fucking like big ass. Yeah, I'm the guy that sleeps Yeah, man rest. Yep so

It is so when you get in these situations where And then we also think like famous people are kind of full of shit. So or they're phony or they're like putting it on So it just it's it's a lot of weird. It's just a lot of weird dynamics. Yeah, which is why I It eats everybody up. Oh you see it Yeah, and I see it in a lot of these a rooms and stuff like that You see a lot of people and and that gets scary too. It's like well, what do what type of popularity do you want? How much do you want? What is? It's just yeah, just so all of that just a lot of that coming in my head and just trying to figure it out and not having a

Lot of not going to a lot of meetings and having like a lot of and trust in those things It's a different it's a different kind of discomfort Like it's like a new discomfort. It's a new it's a new way that you don't understand the world Yeah, like well, I didn't understand the world before and I've kind of figured it out or I got out you escape into this other like well now I'm popular and famous and Successful and then you're in that you're like, uh, fuck. This is its own Fucking ball. It's its own rules and dynamics and shit. Yeah, I just wanted to feel like myself and I just couldn't you know and so now I'm working more towards uh, and it's not even working more. I'm just trying to just let go of stuff and

you know kind of trust a higher power and And just getting back into my program more Yeah, and it makes me feel more dialed in and makes me feel like I want to help other people and and I hadn't had that feeling For like about six months and it's tough when that was like the feeling that I love the most Yeah, and like oh, there's other people that struggle and it's one thing I love about you Neil is that you always like are good at talking about Um, like and it's not like self-pity shit. It's just like this is what's kind of going on in my head Yeah, and how it's relating to the world around me. Well, that's the thing that like And you love that kind of stuff. I love because I don't have any shame about it

I don't have any because I started going with like a therapist when I was like 23. Yeah, so I've been I just stopped you're like the Larry Fitzgerald of therapy Yeah, man, I got dreads and shit, and we have to make urban references. You're the blackest guy We've had on the show in a while here. Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. Deon Cole canceled, so Man, he actually sent me He actually was like Neil man. Can you go over and fucking? He said bless bless the else so you know, he's black Yeah, that you don't I started going and I just stopped when I came to that conclusion of I

had a therapist that was forcing me into Relationships like not not for it, but I went to therapy because I'd be in romantic relationships and be like I don't really like it that much. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I can do it. I can like Robot my way into like be compassionate be that it like be like the stuff women want you to be Yeah, and I can do and some and I just wasn't alone and all that. Yeah, all of it, man and You know consider emotionally like intuitive. Oh, yeah, what's going on? Yeah, like listening and yeah, oh, yeah, and

and I didn't love it, right and And and she was like, you know, so I would just force my way I tried to force myself to feel more comfortable in relationships. I wasn't really supposed to be in I wasn't in love with the people, but I didn't know that and Finally like a year ago. I was like, hey, what if my Roll on earth is not to be a husband or a boyfriend What if that and she was like, well, I just think you'd be happy and I was like, but I don't know if I will be Right, and I want to feel okay, right instead of always having this fight

Yeah, like even the idea of like I'm looking for someone to complete me, right? No, I'm complete Complete I'm not an asshole for saying that. I don't want to feel like I'm looking out the window like is she here? Yeah, like no, I'm maybe someone is for me and I'll meet her and it'll be great. You don't want to hear Goo Goo dolls and have hope, you know, yeah Yeah, like you're like over there. I it's not even I don't have a hope. It's just right not hope but not Not this constant a little bit of pressure like yeah, like yes It's a pressure and I feel like women feel it too and won't admit to it imagine how much they feel it if you're yeah

Yeah, like that they need to be a certain kind of way to get a guy to like him and I was chosen kind of and it's like It's my version of cutting my hair like that where I just was like I don't want to feel like I'm I'm just a boyfriend. I'm a I'm an unsuccessful boyfriend. Yeah, I'm a I'm a failed husband somehow even though I'm not like and That's been a huge one for now like and so I stopped going to there because I was going to therapy for that To feel like well, I'll just be a better person and all then I'll and it's like no dude It's about the relationship with yourself and accepting that you're fine. Yeah, fine. Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, you're good

Whatever you are as long as you don't drink or do drugs. You're great. Yeah, and even if you do you're great Yeah, like you'd prefer not to but if I could life's long whatever. Yeah but if you're so I don't have any shame about emotions or I just find it interesting. I find it as the interesting is as Basketball or you know what I mean like the shit people like oh, I'd love to see that game too. Oh Here's the emotionally unavailable people playing the depressed people. Oh fucking always. Oh, I don't have a family few with stereotypes

The fucking group is very funny Yeah, that's really funny But no, okay, so I love that I love that because there's these weird normal energies and things that It's like, oh, yeah My if a girls don't like me or if they're not throwing themselves at me or if if I don't have a girl for something that I'm not okay Yeah, that you're not it's a cultural value thing But but okay, I'll agree to that for sure. There's a lot of pressure from cultural like but also There's something probably inside most of us and it would make sense that it's not in everyone

Just like some people are good at something and some people have or not but that Do you feel like at some point it's a almost like a a Selfish thing like okay, I'm going to Like to be able to look at it like that too like am I just I'm not opposed to it That's the thing is I'm not opposed to it. I I just don't want to feel I think a lot of people are in relationships That they I mean statistically Look at marriages. Those are the people that were sure they found the right person. Yeah, and that's half of those don't work Yeah, I wish they had like on big brother when they go in that secret room and tell how they really feel

I always said that right for every wedding. I you I mean, that's what I was saying I did a joke the other night the weddings are basically like jury duty For everyone, but you don't get to say Like you're like my kind of feeling I'm not going to say anything The I don't I I just think most people are in the wrong Relationships because they were like well it becomes this musical chairs thing Well, like especially for women because they have the biological clock and they want to reproduce and they're like fuck Close enough. Yeah, imagine that imagine putting like a damn

I mean every woman's vagina is basically like who's that man with Danny Glover, you know, I'm talking about Mel Gibson Yeah, but in that movie or the hot hot quiz pop Pop quiz pop quiz hot shot Yeah, it's a lethal weapon. Yeah. Yeah, they have a certain amount of time for the bomb Yeah, imagine having that in your fucking body all the time all the time and by the other thing about the vagina is like You know, we didn't have a baby this month. I hope you like blood bitch Yeah, and then three days of blood. Oh, like it's like the Bible every fucking yes every fucking month Like dude, give it a fucking rest with the blood cuz I didn't start didn't make a baby. Yeah, it's a big deal

It's like a Stephen King It really is like what again with the blood So yeah, so like Jesus cry get it. You want to have a baby stop bleeding on me Pop pop quiz hot shot is actually from speed. I don't know if you're Oh, Danny Glover with Dennis Hopper. Yeah, I am. Yeah, he sure is That's what I'm dealing with with Mel Gibson with Mel Gibson. Um, what do you think about that Nick about what? About what Neal said about the relationship thing

I'm wondering like how you ended up dealing with it and like finding you seem like maybe you just hide it well But you seem like you found some contentment or I did find it in that Realization Wow, and like I did that three Mike showed the next show is about that the next show is about I'm I'm good. I'm alright. It's despite all the ways that you're telling me. I'm not alright. I Swear to you. I'm alright. I respect where I fucking swear. I'm alright See I respect that I believe you because I know that you look you like I've seen over the years how we you know, we've talked about especially a lot of relationship stuff and

About that. I know you've gone through the proper channels. I mean if there's anything are you're you're a thinker and an analyzer, you know Yeah So I could see yeah I just think that do you ever feel that pressure Nick like there's this invisible pressure in the world that a hundred percent? I mean look that rising grind line you had earlier like it's just I mean I listen to Jaco too much So I'm like if I'm not getting up at 430. I failed I know Yeah, what like yeah, there's all of you. We are just you like it. Do you like it? That's the only thing

It's like do you even like when people are are I? Was saying to somebody they got mad at me, but I was like having a good disposition is basically a Six-figure job Unbelievable. It's a six-figure salary. You're if you're happy naturally You're you're doing better Than almost everybody. Yeah, and that's the thing that people never talk about. It's like disposition is the number one Commodity it's the it's the most valuable thing in the world. Yeah

Yeah, I talked to my sister on the phone man She's the happiest girl I know and they live right by the interstate like illegally close to the interstate Like I'm sure yeah, someone who has anything to do with zoning road Uh-huh. Yeah, like like you'll see a children's ball from their yard bounce across six lanes. Yeah, so it's really alarm homework flying Like what? Yeah Totally and I'll call her on FaceTime and she's sitting there with her You know, she's got her two kids and they're beautiful and they're smart and

And the dog ate the baby or somebody, you know, things are going on, but it's all right Oh, definitely. Yeah, but you know Theo, we're not gonna we're just enjoying ourselves. They're having a blast Having a fucking blast. So and I'm envious every time I talk to her I'm in yeah of the fuck just like the hat. I'm like man Yeah, like that and that's the like literally you cannot buy that right you cannot it doesn't matter how many pot how many downloads In order to change your disposition is So fucking hard and the only thing that does it is 12 step programs

Yeah, I always say the only time I see people change are when they almost die Or they go to 12 step program And that's the only way in as an adult that I've ever seen people change Yeah, like fuck I almost died and now I understand life in a different way or I go to 12 step programs and every single day I have to like Recalibrate myself. Yeah to this to a Way better value system. Yes, then the one that we're All soaking in yeah that we're rising and grinding and fucking like no legs

Like fucking pro fucking games can't stop won't stop. It's just some lady that had triplets And you're like, yeah, like stop for a second. Just stop lady. Yeah, I can't stop. We'll you gotta stop Yeah, so so I so that's the thing with the relationship thing is like feeling like it's okay It's okay to feel the way you feel. Yeah quit making that yeah quit Let never even make us feel like just because we don't we don't have somebody it doesn't mean you're Nobody else is sitting in the world thinking you're a failure because you don't have somebody you you're still your person You're still and you can be a happy person. Yeah, don't let that be that element Also have a fucking fun time with yourself. Yeah

Have your it's like I was I wrote in my notes thing like I want to meet someone Who's having a funny conversation with themselves? Hmm like that's what I'm What's like people go? What kind of person you want just are you fucking having the funny it do you when you walk around? Do you think funny shit or think interesting shit like that's the kind of person I'd like to meet instead of Like a square. Yeah, or it's like one of us. That's having this conversation But not really this is a good conversation. No, this is a good coverage But I mean somebody that's living like yeah, like always. Yeah, like an interesting Whatever like whatever people call this a deep conversation. It's it's it's all conversation should be around this deep

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, I get bored otherwise or just I've already had it a million times Well, everything else is just trivia everything else is like so What would you get would you eat? Yeah? Yeah, everybody wants to know everybody ate what you Come on man. What y'all have yeah, but somebody says what y'all have Come on man, you got to do better dude. It is so nice though when I'm walking around in my head is having a fun time Yeah, that's the fucking singing Yeah, here in Associations thinking about something making a black guy like a big black guy at the gym

Giant black guy at the gym. You don't even know why you fit but he liked it and you like you liked it He liked it. He maybe he knows you maybe he doesn't maybe just felt you. Yeah, you're walking off. You're like, I didn't do slavery I'm good. Yeah, I'm straight regular white people I've had a black homeless guy one time say what's a white boy fucking great And I knew he meant it I knew what he meant and I and he knew who I was in that moment Um, so yeah silver bells dun dun dun Silver bells. Oh, what's that out there on the ridge? Is that Santa? Nope. That's a wallet

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And I want to hear about that. Yeah for depression for depression. I want to hear about that electromagnetic one. Yeah, so I tried I when I started going to therapy in 20 when I was 23 Uh, they put me on so low because they they said me too. How great was it in the beginning? Amazing Bro, I could drink nine gin and tonics dude and not get drunk Yeah, I liked it. Uh, I liked it for like a decade though. Oh, I was good. I didn't it wasn't a drinking thing for me I just liked I liked it. Oh, yeah, I loved it. Bro. I could get up early. I felt good You would you last longer when you had sex? Oh, I wasn't I'd last longer when I jerked off for sure. Sure. All right, same thing Definitely way definitely, dude. Yeah, uh, because you were always looking to last longer. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you wanted to save it. Oh, dude. I'm definitely at a certain point. It's like Jesus Come on, man. What who is this for? I'm the one who I'm gonna have the orgasm. What are we making it last for? It's like my what's that Greek guy who's pushing the ball up the hill. Yeah, it's like, this is my Yeah, why am I yeah, uh, where you're looking for just the right thing to finish doing like what it just finish Dude, I used to press my butthole against the corner of the counter right when I'd come Is that true? Yeah, I believe that because you couldn't make it up when I was young, bro When I was young, yeah, great

Yeah, and you just go I don't know so when people judge other people for what they're into It's like I used to press your butthole against the counter Against linoleum. So and it was linoleum too. Of course it was Theo um, so uh So I so I did that for a while and it worked and then it just stopped working but like after a decade So then I started doing other shit And none of them worked other pills. No, but okay. So zolofta you tried other pills and none of them worked Yeah, uh, so then I just I think I went on reddit and and typed in like alternative

depression Next thing you know, no, so they no they had uh, there was a thing called tms, which was uh A transcranial magnetic stimulation, right? That's the way the thing I like people make fun of reddit But it's the only place by the way reddit's the reason podcasts work. Yes that it's unorganized Organization it's like it's off the grid, but on the grid. It's like an alternative way to do shit So it's this it's what podcast is to radio Reddit is to the internet or society um and

Transcranial magnetic stimulation. So it's basically like a tapping thing. It's a it feels like tapping, but it's a magnet. It's an MRI beam stimulating a party of brain that's uh known to cause depression Did that for it's 45 half hour sessions I did that like consecutively, right? Uh over like a month and a half basically like four days a week Did that four years ago and it worked great? then It worked great. I stopped taking zoloft. I felt really good. I was on nothing

Um, fuck. Yeah, I was I was more emotional, but it was still I was good. Yeah I was like I'd cry kind of without warning like like I would get just like quickly upset uh and Then I someone gave me hgh Because I'll fucking try anything. I don't give a fuck. I'll like yeah hgh. Sure. Why not? Oh, yeah, but it was like a bad formula and it was like a cream So then I started having panic attacks on stage You're on hgh the cream. Yeah, I was on the clear. I was on berry berry bonds as fucking protocol

The spf milkshakes. Yeah, it was yeah, that's funny. Uh, yeah, it was crazy. So I started having panic attacks on stage I was like fuck this is not I panic attack the night before I did my netflix three mikes. Yeah, so Uh, and you talked about this on one of the special you talked about the transcrown. Yeah. Yeah and three mikes. So, uh, so So I did that and then uh, it started having panic attacks. I was like, yeah, fuck I guess it didn't work. So then uh, I went back on zoloft and I still felt good from the the transcranial, but Uh, you know, I'm always looking I'll do anything. I don't care. I don't have kids or wife or anything. Right. So, um, so you

Uh, I you do the show in shanghai and I'm always looking to just travel and I'd rather go to Tokyo than like Uh, Milwaukee, right? Just it's like more interesting, right? Yeah, definitely super unique. Um, and right before we go I just want to what did anything else that you tried so Oh, I also tried ketamine ketamine the uh, the drug, right? Uh, but that's they do that clinically now for depression And I didn't like it. Other people liked it. I just didn't like it. It didn't work for me. Um, so So, so you do show in shanghai I text and again, I also do Milwaukee But if I'm just gonna do if I want to go away for a weekend and fuck it

Um, so I go to I go I text I email you I said, what's you did a show in shanghai? Who's the guy? And he was like, yeah, I do a show in shanghai, but also my brother Is a like neurosurgeon and he's very involved in the transcranial the tms community Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Yeah, so it's a new thing. So Uh, he's like if you want to do TMS while you're here And do the show that chinese tms. Yeah, man. Jesus. So yeah, man. So last week I did that fucking chinese tms, bro

And I'm in a chinese hospital in shenzhen china And I'm getting so the first time I did tms was here, but his brother's got this brain mapping software Where they can see what parts of your brain are communicating well with other parts of your brain So they basically found that the back of my brain Which the serotonin center wasn't communicating well with the rest of my brain I'm so I got fucking zapped in the back And on the right side

for four five Basically 10 sessions a day for four days straight. Jesus christ, dude. I went and did the damn thing I can sew a fucking sweater with your tongue. I mean, yeah I'm I'm fucking I'm on that fucking that uh unlimited shit. I'm on the unlimited plan right now I'm fucking did you feel that what what happened? I feel good. I I I don't want to do the thing where like I'm in love I don't I'm just like I feel good. I think it's better But I don't want to it was elective. It wasn't like I was like I couldn't

I'm just like a zombie in life. I I want I'm trying to optimize my Trying to optimize my fucking life. Yes to feel good not to produce not to rise and grind not to To make a bigger profit than I did last year Just feel good Have a fun time. Yeah, enjoy myself. Do weird shit. Just do Go to shenzhen china go to Hong Kong go to fucking Shanghai I love hearing that man because sometimes I forget that that is the goal that that the goal is to feel good

Sometimes it's like I know it originally. I knew it. Yeah, but sometimes then I forget that that what an important goal that is You know, it's like these all these other kind of Ways to say it and ways to like You know replace it almost get put in there you put it Uh, you organize it it gets organized in a way because you think about when you were like 10 During the summer, right? Oh, yeah Well, what were you trying to do? You just get up Just try to get some shit popping

Dude, yeah, you had to just try to in short just try to get some shit popping today I try to put your sandals on dirt bike around fucking these guys are over there in the in the edge of the woods Yeah, they're doing some shit Then you go over here you get some candy You get and you can keep doing that Yeah, just in a different way Just you just can do it and you work and you do all that stuff, but just see what else is just get some shit What do you like doing do that? I like doing stand-up. Here's what I realized I like doing

I like doing stand-up. I like directing commercials I like uh writing jokes and Talking to black people talking to black people of course uh, and I like just Like just fucking fucking around watching shit on the internet going on the online three hours You like you're kind of a little bit of a Magellan on the uh

Mental health front a little bit. I mean it seems like yeah nobody talks about it No, and that's the other thing is nobody talks about it. Yeah, and I don't have any shame. I don't think it's any weirder I don't think that having depression is a weakness. I don't think it's any weaker than having Tendinitis. Yeah, I don't just like let's see. I'll try to treat it. I'm not gonna make it like Uh, I don't I'm not trying to make it a heavy thing. Yeah, but I whenever I see you I try to talk about your feelings Or your emotions like because dude that's the the reason why that clip of you is popular Is because everyone wants to talk about it, but most places It's kind of like

You know, I'm sure after shows you have as many people that just like you Because you're funny and and and and quirky and then there's also people are like, hey man, can I talk to you about? Such and such. Yeah, a lot of people come out. A lot of people are struggling. Yeah Yeah, I didn't realize that uh, I guess I that so many people were having tough times But then I look at all the people that are dying of meds and dying of this and that. Yeah, man People really are struggling. Yeah. Do you think that one of the reasons a lot of young men are struggling? Is because just like the way we've changed from being like Really like limbic like things we need to do hunt get milk get honey get, you know, yeah

You know attack stuff do stuff be they are connected to the earth and then now we've become this separate sort of just It's almost like we're just like a strong thing. We're house cats being contained. Yeah, we're indoor cats now So it's fucking scary. Well. Yeah, it it'll make you start to You know, we're you know, it's a these are all luxury problems. Right. Yeah. No, they're luxury problems I'm not saying it like yeah, I'm not complaining It's the this goes from the poor every American the rich American most of our shits Taking care of our basic needs, right? Yeah, and if you don't want to do shit You can just fucking let the government give you money every mom. Yeah, it's like you can you can get taken care of in this country

Yes, so once you've got your basic needs taken care of Then you start getting philosophical right and start eating away and like am I pleased? Right. Am I happy as much as where I'm shitting on the bar conversation like No, but it's but a problem. That's what I'm wondering. Are we a side effect? But a problem is a problem. It's right. If your problem is I need water today or your problem is or I brain doesn't feel good today Yeah, that's still a problem. Yeah, and I think I would that what I do is I try to Treat it the same way I treat it. I'm hungry, which is I need Food I need some I'm gonna do something to treat my brain right

I'm going to fucking China, bro. Yeah. Yeah. They got them good zappers over there I'm going to China like that. I honestly that's that's kind of my thinking. Yeah, like we're set up enough that we can just Even if you work 60 hours a week that you still have a lot of you have still a decent amount of free time Like that you and what do you want to do with it? Treat the rest of it Like the you're hunting. Just what are you hunting for? Yeah, if it's you're hunting for answers There's plenty of shit you can do. There's plenty of shit. You can listen to plenty of books You can read plenty of 12 step stuff. You can meditate. You can pray you can there's so much shit you can do

That's not like Yeah, there's a lot of new therapies out there things are coming out all the time There's new ways that people are thinking, you know, there's podcasts people to listen to people to share Share what's going on with them Um, what was china like? Did you think what did you think of the chinese be honest? Man, I wasn't going to be honest till you yelled that at me. I was like, I had a bunch of lies in the chamber uh Uh, I here's I like here's what I'll say chinese women were better looking than I thought

Okay, because I think that they get a bad rap. I think the japanese women get too good a rap and chinese women get don't get enough Uh props. I respect that. Thank you and uh I've never been in a communist country before so what I found really Fucking crazy, uh, was that they don't really tell you anything There are rules that That are given to you. There's no legislation. There's no government that you can Lobby and get a law

They just make laws and they make rules and those are the rules and the other thing is Sometimes they enforce them and sometimes they don't And they don't tell you when they're gonna enforce them and when they're gonna not and that's fucking scary That's scary. So I was doing a show in Shanghai and I said Are there things I shouldn't talk about? And they said don't talk about the three t's to bet Taiwan and Tiananmen Square those the those are the touchy Subjects, so I was like, I don't really have anything to say about those things anyway

Now they are putting muslims in concentration camps. Are they yeah, uh, they're called the Uighurs and uh, like millions of them And so I did a joke about that a lot of Uighurs in detroit, you know, they'd be honest with you and uh, so Now so so you made so the fucking I made a joke about that which I was like and literally a black woman came to the show I was like better go ahead with that shit In the front row like don't fucking they will fucking wrap you up By the way, there's no due process. So if you get arrested We'll let you go and we let you go the judges are just people

That just were like I'm not gonna say they were just guys that were hanging out at the courthouse But it's like if you just have seniority You'll get you become a judge. You don't have to have a law Wow, so they're all just actors almost in a not actors, but they're all Just kind of pieces of this Apparat dude, there's also 1.6 billion people. So as much as we go Man, it's like how what kind of parent would you be? Yeah, if you gotta put you gotta lay the law down But brian was telling me this thing where

They you don't have there's no real regulation there. So people will build High rises. I saw some of those things without Without without they don't tell anyone They just own the property and they're like, yeah, we're gonna build and then if you don't know the right person brian was telling me they they they there was a place that had there was a high rise building like a You know, probably a hundred units, whatever They but they didn't talk to the right people. So the government

Said hey residents go to a spa this weekend But we're gonna put you up out of this place. You gotta you gotta leave the building for the weekend We're gonna do some repairs. They knock the shit down With all their shit in it Just Didn't know They just the people the people who bought the apartments didn't know that the fucking landlord didn't clear it So all their shit's gone and there's nobody to talk to

That's crazy That's crazy. Yeah, so so it's almost like But then the and there's cameras everywhere Everywhere, dude. I don't know if you noticed Fucking everywhere on the street But there's no cron They're very little cron. So it's almost like There's 10 human rights

There's 10 like human like we'll call them human rights and every country goes. All right, we're gonna pick five of them Um, because here there's not cameras everywhere. You're not like you get your face scanned when you go to china Yeah, so they could they if they thought I was a problem They can just follow them. They just do the thing. Where's the face? The face is here at the face. They can track me. That's crazy, right? So here you're not tracked basically other than google and facebook the government's not tracking a date line, of course Um, if you're really about your shit date line will come Yeah, dude. Um, and uh here you're not tracked But there's you might get shot at walmart. Yeah

so it's like It's a 50 50. Yes. It's like which which which which uh human rights do you want? Which which qualities of life do you want? It's a great man. There's a it's a it's a great uh You know when you put something next to something else. Yeah, it was really interesting like I found it fucking fascinating like wow Because you don't feel as much like a human over there Or you don't feel as much like an individual at all and they don't seem like individuals that was one thing I noticed a lot of the chinese people. They didn't seem like As much individuals everybody almost seemed like okay. This is where I'm supposed to be right now

This is where I'm going It seemed like and I'm not saying that that's they've also a value system like their society has never been by the way americans That wasn't a Individualism wasn't a thing until like a hundred years ago. Wow because it's good for capitalism It's like good. You're gonna express yourself and you're gonna sell shit buy all the shit fucking merch and fucking You got everyone's got their merch table like in in the world and in american society So there they don't even value like no we're about family and togetherness So that's the it's another thing where like you get to be an individual

But then you end up that guy Have like cost yeah walking around just feeling uncomfortable because you're not in a tribe but you are You are an individual. Yeah, there you go, man. So that's what you This is what you wanted your sister's happy as fuck Living by the interstate with a bunch of kids. Yeah, because she fucking loves her kids and it's great Yeah, like so it's just uh, it's and there's a doubt. There's a downside to everything Yeah, and that's the downside to to be in here is that

You just feel a little disaffected. Yeah, the way we built things. It's uh, it's yeah It's a little bit more commercial to a bit more individual. You need to stand for this You need to do this. Look how fucking alone you are then later then they sell you all the books how to be unalone It's like Jesus Christ. This is all that. Yeah about the movement. What about no? Yeah, no that too, but also Yeah, now this yeah now this now that we sold you this we have another paint We have another program we want to sell you which is undoing the first program But that really is as much as it's a joke like that you feel alienated. Oh, it's exactly what it's yeah Yeah, I found in china and I was also shocked in shanghai when I was there how many how few

European and americans were there. I didn't see very many at all It's that's what I told somebody it's not only do they not speak english It's like they never heard of it. Yeah, like they don't like what? I mean, I had a guy You get in cabs and they Don't speak a fucking word of the word of the word you speak. They don't know any of them I had a guy you would love this uh

The so I get in it like a kind of cab where the guy's like one One hundred which is like eight bucks. He's like one and I was like, all right cool Like kind of a chubby like 30 year old chinese dude It was gratifying because you just go these chinese and you know, you're right Whereas here if you say everybody you say chinese for all asians and now you're racist Yeah, but there you just got some chinese guys. You're right But uh But uh, so I get look at so he takes me to my hotel and he goes uh

Uh two and I go, oh Like all right motherfucker. I see where you're going. I see the upsell. Yeah, he goes, uh I charge you double He like literally heard that in a movie I charge you double like he he just turned on like a cat like a fucking evil character So then I'm like, all right, like I almost wanted to record him saying it again Like so I give him two and he goes, okay, it's cool man. It's cool Yeah, like he just was taking things he'd seen in movies

And just played them back to back. Uh, that was awesome, but he didn't speak any that's the english He spoke was from that's great. Yeah was I charge you double and it's cool Yeah, that's what he that's what he knew, uh, so I enjoyed it in that it was uh, it was uh Uh illustrative of it put america in context right it put american life in context, which I Appreciate it. Now. Do you think it's I found it interesting like here? It's like everybody come here. Everybody's welcome here You're ever but then there it's not like they're like you can't just stay there easily and just it's not like I don't know if that's true though I don't uh, I have a 10-year visa. Do you really? Yeah, you can apply for a 10-year visa

They can eat you can either do like a six month one and people are like just get a 10-year one Hmm because yeah, I've had friends that are that work over there as teachers and stuff like that and they uh, they've just said that It's extremely hard, but um Dude, I was shocked at uh, just how few uh Anyone outside of chinese people I saw there white black. No. Yeah, there's no latinos mexicans. Yeah, there were no they just wear How people it's people don't want to go people don't want to go to fucking china It's not a tourist spot a little bit, but I'm not I'm not dying to go back I will but I'm not

And now Hong Kong's fucked up too. Yeah, they're fighting Um, I did a show in Hong Kong like the night like during and I it was like My buddy sent me a video walking home after the show like through a fucking zone of bricks and Chaos like it's fucked up there. Yeah, and and I didn't realize like they're fighting for They're a they're basically a democratic government and china is going like no not anymore So people's lives are gonna be fucked up. They're gonna they're gonna be in that system Where like no you're going to jail and there's no We'll let you out when if if we get around to it. That's gonna get itchy. Yeah

No, so that's what they're fighting for like and I get that like now that I've seen how shit is Or my understanding of how shit is in china. I'm like, yeah, I would fight I throw my own tough cocktails too. Yeah, because it's what's the alternative worse like significantly worse. Yeah, I've not ever fee Yeah, not feeling Human yeah, I started to feel like people they're there at a certain number of people you start to realize that Things seem very much like ants almost. Yeah Yeah, yeah, but at that number that it is like ants just watching everybody like even when I was on the trains Yeah, the zoning you see somebody built something no fucking windows never put a roof on it fucking disappeared

Yeah, like what what happened there? Yeah, I mean after shit next door like Did you go to Hong Kong insane zoning? Uh-uh It's there are 70 story buildings this far from each other. Yeah, like there's just a walkway Between them you're like this is you could it This is fucking crazy And china, I'm sure it's worse like I didn't really walk around I walked around a little bit It actually remind it looked like have you been to Saudi Arabia? Uh, yes, it looked like it felt like I've never been to Saudi Arabia, but those like four lanes both ways

Oh, yeah, yeah, but it was like sad kind of vagacy Like Las Vegas Boulevard. There was a lot of that in Shenzhen. Yeah Yeah, there's a lot of that when you're on the train you just see stuff It's like, oh did somebody start something here? It never happened small like little towns It's just tons of buildings, but no windows. Nobody live in there. Yeah, like oh, okay, or maybe they are Yeah, you don't know they could be living there. Just not great. Yeah. Yeah, they're not having a great or maybe they're your sister The chinese version of your sister where they're living there and they're having a blast I couldn't tell how happy people were there

That's one thing I couldn't tell and that's one problem I've always had with a lot of Asian culture people really if I'm real honest But like I just it's hard for me to read their vibes because I don't really I didn't I don't have enough of an experience Of being around a lot of Asian people to know if they are like happy or unhappy I also think it's the value thing that what is is that even a Oh, I see what you're saying. Is that even are they even thinking about that? Yeah. Is that even a concern? Like is bobby lee happy? Hmm. That's a good question. I don't know. It could be a documentary Is bobby lee happy he gets enough rest to be happy. That's for sure, dude

I mean you talk about doing I mean all he does is play video games and sleep Probably his car. He's even he hit sam trippley's fucking car. No He hit sam's car recently Because he plays of candy crush on a tablet while he drives, which is Insane and his car has so many dings and it's been so many accidents But one day. Yeah, he just t-bones his car in the back parking lot He got out of the car while it was still in drive. That's how it hit sam's car. We may have the video still He

What the car was in drive and he just like had his foot on the brake and he stepped out of his vehicle And did he watch it hit the car or did he try to get back in? I don't know his whole body feels like an ass cheek that I realized the other day. You're absolutely right It's shaped like it is shaped like a smooth ass cheek. Yeah the front and the back. Oh, yeah, yeah He's got like he goes It's it's does this on the front and And he always says he's korean. I'm like who fucking cares, bro You know what I'm saying, dude. How are you not getting this?

Can you back it up this was after oh, this is the aftermath. Yeah, how are you not getting this? But yeah, you see his car I didn't do Like how he said he'll pay for it Like it's like I'm gonna go. I'm a magnanimous person. I'll pay for it. Like no. Yeah, of course you're gonna pay for it That's hilarious. Yeah Uh, yeah, like that is it is there's a there's there There's a stereotype, but like there does seem to be a stoicism

To asian people generally like but it's not I don't think that that's uh, I think that there If especially if their parents were immigrants or their second generation, it's that they just It's like they're here to Achieve right and improve their lives And like emotion and I don't care. That's not a concern. Yeah emotions. I wonder if emotion is more of a white thing Maybe I mean, it's it's yeah, it's a I also think like As much as your Uh

I think it's okay. I think some people are more sensitive than others right you're a sensitive guy I'm a sensitive person. Yeah, I think that there are sensitive. I think bobby's sensitive too But he just doesn't he just is like doesn't shoving it and punching it and like Uh, it's just like I think it's okay to be sensitive. Yeah, uh, it's it is Yeah, it's an elective. It's a it's a it's a luxury item for certain people, but I don't think that I think you've been sensitive since you were Dead broke. Yeah And yeah, and it probably felt and you thought it was because of that and it's like no you're just like that Yeah, yeah, that's a good point too. Just realizing some of that some things are in this position like you said, yeah, and I'm okay

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Let the specialist help Hawthorne cologne Hawthorne with an e dot com With promo code Theo for 10 percent off and now back to the episode Yeah, do you think that you're having an old dad? What do you think that how do you think that affected you? Um, I think it made me a lot of shame when I really look back at it a little bit in some ways Sometime I think genetically like do I have real old jeans?

You know, like if I'll rest or if I'll be real You know, if I'll lay down and like kind of make a name say something real loud or like You know talk about God or something and lean back in my chair or something like that. Like my dad used to do that kind of stuff if um Yeah, I wonder if my jeans are just real old, you know, I'm not that great. You know, I'm not bad at sex But I've never really been like a real I'm kind of like the Indiana Pacers of sex. You know go on

I'm kind of like the Indiana Pacers of sex, you know, and so it's like Like you make the playoffs. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, but it's not you're not going deep in the playoffs You're not going past the first round. No, I'm not going Since Reggie Miller left it just hasn't been Yeah, and even then we were just shooting three pointers. Yeah, boring slow pace. Yeah, it's not getting up and down the court Yeah, hopeful good white audience, but not you have a you do have interesting sex habits, right? Yeah, just for me, I think it's all a lot of it just has always felt like a little bit uncomfortable I kind of have that perversion that came from like watching a lot of pornography and then

Just just the interaction that the connections sometimes always felt like I don't like having a woman's sleep over Like some of those things make me extremely nervous like just Well, sometimes I mean, it's you know what the it's a real obvious thing to say, but it's it's real intimate Yeah, it is it's real. I mean even if you're just talking about like their face is right there Yeah, like you're just fucking Faces to fuck like we're both here. Yeah, especially if you're not drunk Oh, yeah, it's really like nicky glazes has been doing a whole thing about having sober sex And it's like that's for children man sober sex is for children. I've always thought that

We're gonna fuck sober brother be young Be 10. Oh, yeah, it'd be 10 be 11, bro. By the way, I This is I got to an argument online last week. Do you know that there's no Minimum age for sex two eight year olds can legally have sex. Wow. Isn't that crazy? It gets into illegal legally stuff starts happening when you turn 16 Then you actually can't Then you have to start being responsible Oh, yeah, then you can't fuck and nine-year-old can legally fuck a six-year-old. Wow if they're both consenting, right

Isn't that fucking mind blowing But once you turn 16, then you then you have like you have a license basically and you can't You you can't go below 16 or you can go below. You can go three years below Yeah, yeah, that was a big thing when I was growing up But like seeing if somebody was three years older or three years younger you'd always hear things and people date and uh Yeah, you always had that dude that would pull over by the middle school And he drove already and he come back and see his fucking girlfriend and hand some mcdonalds over the fence Uh-huh. Oh, dude. This one guy fucking handed somebody drove like this banana yellow cutlass and he handed some fucking mcdonalds over to the fence

To his girlfriend. It was easily about 13 years. Yeah How did she look? Was she good? Like was she she was thick. Yeah, she was thick But they they misplace that for age a lot of times in rural communities, you know, yeah, like damn Look how old she is. Well, it's like it's like farming. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like she's of a she's She's ready. She's right. She's ready. It's like there's great. She's a cat. She's not a calf anymore Yeah, so let's let's go. Yeah, let's play ball. Let's get a fucking family pack of runts and fuck. Yeah um

So so yeah, that's the uh, but this dude floored at one time. He was trying to show off in his whole, uh catalytic converter just fell off the bottom of his car and I just remember being you know about cars Absolutely hilarious not that much. I know about catalytic converters and I know about Pouring like a little bit of gas up there in the carburetor if that bitch won't start. Is that is that that's an old trick Yeah, and I like I liked cars better when it was just like the engine and the motor, you know I don't know the difference I don't know if I do either, but I think one of them is the transmission You you lifted up the hood. There was two pieces there in that air filter thing

There was the crank. Yeah, because you're from 1940 And you'd spray wd-40 in that fucking air filter and let that be I don't know shit Like that's where I don't feel like a man. It's when car stuff happens. I'm like, I I don't know. Well now you drive a fucking now. I don't need to know. Yeah, you drive. You know, I must fucking yeah I just plug her plug her in. Yeah, you all got a outlet. That's way, but that is nice Is it just well? Yeah, just go like I don't need to know I just I only go to the gas station to wipe the for the wipers. Yeah fucking great And it's where yeah, I guess feeling emotional and also then feeling I guess feeling like emotional about shit or talking about that

Kind of stuff, but then also feeling like a you can still feel like a man you like I still do like You know, I'll do like insane shit at the gym and do insane training and I'll fucking probably endanger myself a pretty good amount of time You know, I think do you you work out still? Yeah, I just started getting a trainer really getting pretty much into it I'm trying to start taking some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Yeah, so yeah, just to have like a it just seems so cool. Just seems like a Just to have another circle of camaraderie really. Yeah Yeah, I it's also boxing. I did like Thai boxing and Thailand one time. I was like, this is fun I could see you being a Thai boxer. Throne combinations. He's got that physique, doesn't he? Yeah, throwing combinations is like

That's fucking fun. Bing, bing, bing Duck, ha it's fucking fun. Yeah And it's being able to know that if somebody attacks me and they don't know Brazilian Jiu Jitsu that I would know enough Couple of tricks to be able to now the hard part is not doing it all the time in conversation. Oh, right Start like bro. Did I learn a thing today? Yeah, and you fucking I'm not no disrespect to Brian Callan The second thing is you're uncomfortable. He puts somebody in a headlock. Yeah, like no, I could see the thing with me Uh, yeah, you don't want to be one. It's like when you start working out and you you're flexing for people Yeah, oh, yeah, and you're kidding. But you're not you're not kidding. Yeah, some girl right when you would touch your arm

You would flex right before. Yep. Oh, absolutely. That's crazy Yeah, so I'm glad that and thank you for not posting workout videos Oh, yeah, you bet. I try not to but ever since christelia does something about fucking throwing one up We can't fall for it I feel like kevin hart started this. Oh, did he really does he do it? Yeah, he started He would he shows all he does a lot of training videos Does he have writers probably for his jokes and stuff now kevin He has the guys who open for him the red plastic cut boys, but

They don't it's all based on shit that happened to him. So it's not I don't think he has writers really. I think he maybe they go maybe like a tag here and there Yeah, but he doesn't have writers as far as I know Um, he has people that he's with though. Yeah, how are you doing? Are you did you figure out how you're gonna do your special? I'm not sure yet. Still not sure. Well, we don't have any offers really that I feel like are You know that I feel like are The move really part of me thinks about shooting it and just putting clips out onto youtube Like, you know just putting the stories on youtube and putting out a cd, you know an album just owning it

and then Um, but then possibly doing netflix. They're gonna come out in uh, december Come see 10th and see me yet and um So I think you know they might there might be an offer after that It's just also a time schedule when they have room. Yeah, they said it might not be until the 2021 So then that makes me think well at that point I might as well just put some clips or something like I want to have some fresh stuff out there

And also for me to just in my brain to start to move on. Yeah, because I'm already building like a new hour. It does get kind of tough Uh doing some of the same stuff like jokes kind of have like a Point where they're like at their peak You know, it's fun. Uh, chappelle. You say jokes are like tires Where it's like just the treads wear out. Yeah, and He's right because when you first It's that disappointing thing when you have a good new joke that first two weeks that shit is fucking popping Mm-hmm fucking pot like they know the audience knows it's new. Yeah, it's like having money at the mall

Oh, it's the best the new joke. I always say it's like finding money or pie. It's like And then and then after two weeks, it'll settle Yeah, it'll just go to like, all right. This is what this is gonna get now from here on out And then after a while it goes down another level and it's to your point getting shooting a joke at the right time filming it at the right time Is like You don't want to wait too long. Yeah

Because something about it even if they haven't heard it. It just doesn't have the The fucking energy Yeah, that's kind of what i'm realizing too. It's like and a lot of this is just learning as you go It's like that's the tough part. It's like man I wish some of all this stuff. I already knew it but You know, but that's my experience and it's just you know, and also you'd also shoot it now and you know And the the great thing is if you're already writing a new hour The good that you have a you there's

A hundred cities now where you could sell out Right. That's the thing too. It's hard to stop. It's hard to stop going to cities whenever you have an hour that people haven't seen Yeah, because it's sagura. I feel like has toured this hour for so long and it's it's Legitimately because they there's cities. He hasn't gone to yeah, and he's probably tired it delia said he threw out like 40 minutes On this tour because he was doing the tour so long That he wrote new jokes And just replaced the other ones. Yeah, so he could have gone back to some of the cities With a new hour on the same tour. Yeah, that's where i'm at. I'm feeling like well shoot

Do I just keep adding places because i've been touring the same stuff for almost a year and a half? I mean it's definitely evolved and changed But and there's new stuff now I could put in but i'm like, I don't know what to do Do I just start putting in new stuff? I'd save it if I were you I'd save it and just start a new Tour because it seems like Burt did that Burt's got it Burt just finished one tour and he's starting another one. Yeah um I would if you have a new More time fuck it like if you have new shit that's not

Topical or like it's not about some shit that's happening now. It's just a story or Fuck it. Yeah, like and then just work on that On the during the week and then on weekends do the do like the the tour show. Yeah Yeah, so I think I think that's uh I think also yeah this year I got tough just trusting my instincts and knowing like what was the right thing to do and like You know different things were coming in and i'm like is this right? I don't know what to do You know, yeah, just a lot of fear this year. I think it made everything tough It made it like I was all ready to kind of shoot my special at Christmas and then

Next thing you know is like oh, there's a bunch more cities you can go to and you can You know and you can make money and then it was like nervous making money. I felt like what do I do? What do you do with money? Not that much really, you know, I do postmates. You don't have to do anything That's the thing people think you got to do something with it. You don't yeah, I really haven't done anything Yeah, I mean I've done post I do postmates more. Yeah, you fucking order the shit out. Oh, dude I get these tacos twice a week probably And then what else? Yeah, probably not that much honestly

I don't like going to shop for stuff and I don't like doing that kind of stuff. I don't either I don't like like stuff It just doesn't mean that much to me like I don't like People take pictures of their shoes and just like yeah, I can't I don't know it just doesn't I don't It doesn't move me. Yeah, it doesn't move me. So I don't know that's good in terms of like you probably won't be broke Yeah, pay my mom's rent now and that's gotta feel awesome It's nice to know she doesn't have to worry. She works hard. She's like 77 or something. She's still like, you know, deliver stuff and Yeah, it is nice to know that she can take the day off or something. She wants to and you don't have to fucking

Think about paying something. That's gotta be it's pretty cool. That's gotta that's like Gotta feel Outstanding Yeah, it's tough because our relationship like mixed about it. Yeah, what's the house the relationship? You talk about it I never I I've always had a tough time hearing my mother, you know, I felt like I don't know I just have always had a little like uh, uh I think You know, sometimes that thing the reason I do comedy is because I wanted my mom to laugh or something

I was young and I couldn't get her to laugh. Yeah, and so I it like spun out into this weird thing where that's what I was doing, you know, because I remember my dad laughing all the time, but I never remember you Yeah, just laughing. Yeah, just laughing just having no good time I'm good having a good having a good time. Yeah And then I don't remember my mother having that at all And I think there was always like this stress that she was stressed and I couldn't do anything You know, I was just yeah, I that's the the I've seen study a lot of comedians is about making your mom laugh Yeah, that's a big one as much as it's like we're sad clowns all that stuff. It's a lot of it's sad

Children children of sad moms. Yeah a lot honestly a lot of times that's the formula for comedians That should be a club. Yeah children with sad mom. My mom's not sad. My mom is uh, I always felt like There's like plexiglass between us. Mm-hmm. Like Like I want a fucking more of a connection and we just can't get there. Yeah, like we just can't It just doesn't that's not she doesn't know how to do it. Yeah, she's a good mom Yeah, she was like did the you know, like like attentive and all that stuff just emotionally And that's the that's another generational thing where my mom's 85 So, yeah, like I don't she doesn't know like emotions the fuck are you talking about? Yeah

Like yeah, we can't really think about that kind of born in 19. She's born during the great depression 1933 like I don't her mom died when she was three. Wow like she got split up like one of her sisters went to ireland and then They couldn't pick her up because of the war Yeah, we're not coming this week. What we're not coming this week. Yeah those are hitler Can you imagine that though all the time especially on unsolved mysteries? You see all these families just got split up. We had four kids. We couldn't afford it The ore finish is just like like my mom's mom died and then she had two sisters maybe three

And each uncle took a different one or each aunt took a different one, but meanwhile the dad was still alive They just were like, yeah, yeah, we're not leaving with the dad. That's insane. Yeah This is a hill. They'll be dead in a week. I believe with a guy So they went to the aunts and then the dad was like, I'm getting ready And I was like, mom, how long did he need to get ready for and it he never really got it together? Wow Yeah, and then he remarried like his maid just crazy fucking thirties and forties shit But so and then I'm like, where's the feelings?

But why is there blessing because the fucking hitler and the great depression? That's why you fucking child Yeah, that's a thing oil brat. That's what I realized a lot of times too, man And I think about that too about myself. Man. I'm just a fucking brat. Like yeah at some point It's like fuck. I also have to realize look dude. You have to just fucking take care of yourself You have to find a way to do it. You can't think at a certain point. You can't think about all this shit too much It's a it's a life's a plan of a program of action You got to take action and get yourself feeling good. You got to get yourself doing something. You have to just get going

You know, um, yeah, it's crazy to think sometimes that That Yeah, our parents who probably had no whose parents to them probably didn't teach them much about emotions or anything at all The Rockefellers probably had emotions, bro They they were fucking all out of their minds too. Yeah, they like the Rockefellers doing coke like no the Rockefellers John Rockefeller's dad was probably a fucking coal miner. Yeah, there wasn't Well, you know what I mean like they there wasn't like crazy like three people were rich Yeah, everybody else fucking lived in Appalachia. Yeah

I mean not literally but like there was no like, well, there was a robust middle class. I don't know Life was fucking brutal. Everyone's shit in an outhouse like Even if you were there there's this book called sapiens. It's really good. But they were the guy was saying like there were french French like the king of we live better than the king of france from 1700. Wow Wow, the king of france from 1700 shat outside Damn, no in didn't have he had somebody to carry it out there for him. Yeah, I know Pete had help

He's going by and by himself Uh, but like he didn't have a fucking there was no indoor heat no indoor air. There was no He no car. No like nothing. So no ice. No ice Theo so so uh We have it good, but at the same time, it's not perfect. Yeah Damn, yeah, you'd have somebody whose body temperature was a little lowest blow on you all day Yeah, just a mess. Yeah, bring in the coolant And he would blow on it. Yeah, like we don't we it's hard

But problems are problems problems are relative, right? So as much as they didn't know as much as you are like As much as it's still if they were alive today, they'd have the same problems we have. Yeah, which is I don't feel quite right I don't feel I feel isolated. I feel alienated. I feel emotionally. I feel Whatever all the things that we deal with That's our version of shitting outside. Yeah. Yeah, it's our version of shitting outside and the problem But then the the part that we can't control is how do we What do we do about it? Yeah taking action or not taking action. Yeah, and I think yeah for me this year I just got caught in a place where I wasn't

Everything else was too much and I wasn't able to focus on that at all And so now I'm like a little bit back to focusing on it and it's definitely getting more manageable Nick you had something about donkeys. I have to text my sponsor real quicker. He's gonna fucking Yeah, we had we had a couple news stories one you guys talked about China a lot the world's donkey population is set to be halved in the next five years because it's a good Traditional Chinese medicine that is being used. It's estimated that 4.8 million donkey hides a year Are used for a gelatin based medicine

That the Chinese use Well, the thing that I don't know if it was in the news here They're also harvesting organs over there in China. Yeah, you'd have to at a certain point I mean anything becomes like a everything becomes a food. You know here. We call it a they're not eating them They're prisoners. They're killing prisoners and taking their organs You don't have to do what what video game is this on? No, I'm serious Yeah, there you go harvesting organs

China resort harvester. Oh, but dude for transplant. Look, here's what I say If the guy's in for life take his fucking liver, bro And give it to somebody who can use it, man I think we could get a lot more out of our prisoners sometimes that we're under using them That's there. It's a great resource that we're not Yeah, the guy is in there with two lungs and somebody, you know, we got somebody who's going to diacistic fibrosis Fucking pull a hair bag out of that cat and throw them into somebody who can use it And you're willing to go on the right? This is gonna be

This is gonna be your platform for running from mayor Sorry, uh, hold on one second. That's fine. Uh, yeah, no, they're harvesting organs. It's not great Despite what the oh, thanks. Well, I'm not saying everybody gets an organ. I'm saying that You know, do you believe that Rich people should get them first because that's but I know that's what's happening My sister got a liver and uh, and it was definitely at a certain point. We're like, oh, what do you mean? This person somebody else is getting in before us. Yeah, but that's it's cool that they're kind of they kind of It doesn't matter how rich you are

You can't the donor the list is the list the list is the list and you can't how did your is did it take? Yep, it took she got him. She's like 14 and she's got that Yeah, it's just take anti rejection medicine because your body's always like this thing is in yours. You know, it's funny Uh, that's almost like What a a is for you Like you have to take your anti rejection medicine. Yeah, like you have to like your body's like this isn't right Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah, you're like, no body. We have to go. That's what I remember going

I used to go to alanon which was like for not drinking it's for being in relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts Yeah, and uh And um, you yeah alcoholism so bad. There's two programs for it as a program for if you just know people Who do who are it? They uh, but that's I realized like no, I gotta do this all the time. I have to do this. I have I can't this is a chronic set of uh behavior On my part like from from my dad's an alcoholic So just you build your brain in a certain way and you have to undo it. Yeah

Yeah, it is it's it and it is it's a daily thing. It really is man. It's like I know if I get up and do my meditation and I do my Uh, gratitude list and I call other guys that are have the same problem Then I will I have a better chance of having a better day Instead of um, do you call people every day getting up and thinking about myself? Yeah, I call people every day the other two I've struggled with but now I'm getting a lot back I've been really just focusing on it really especially the past maybe month Trying to get back into it. Did you when you didn't feel grateful?

Did you not do a gratitude list or you would just write like fucking just stare at the paper? Some days. Yeah. Well, I just couldn't feel it. I would write it, but I couldn't feel it. Yeah And that was the worst man. It was like god. I want to feel Grateful and I just and then just traveling a lot doing the shows and stuff. It was just hard Just getting on and off of planes and waking up here there and not knowing what was going on Had being halfway through a sentence. Sometimes like I'm so happy to be here in and thinking in my head What city is this? Yeah Fucking alarming. It's hard. But that has to do with just

Wear and tear Like that if you don't know what city you're it's hard to remember when you're you look at the schedule and you're like I'm going there then I'm going there then I'm going there and you're like, I don't even know what week it is Half the time you ever have the thing where you don't know what period of your life you're in You ever have that like where you'll be like did I Have I started podcasting yet? Where you'll be on the 405 or the you'll be just driving and you'll be like where I have it sometimes where I'll go a city. I'll be like, have I done what period of my life am I in?

Yeah, am I 28 am I 28? I'm 40. What? Like, all right. Did I do that yet? Am I a comedian yet? Or did I still? Am I still not a comedian? I don't fucking know. Uh, the um, Yeah, the gratitude thing is it's hard that I do you travel well? Uh, I travel pretty well, but then yeah this year everything just got a little bit too much It just was it just got to be too much like air travel fucks me up. Oh, yeah, it's bad man It's really tough on your body and it's tough on you over a while too. Yeah, you know, I've been doing it for 15 years traveling doing touring So it's like

And this year was just the most it's been and it was just and it was just it kind of caught up to me and I started taking One thing that was the worst for me this year. I didn't realize was I took propitia. Oh dude I wanted to kill myself for like a month and I had never felt that way in my entire life And it was because of that bro. I had no idea And I got off of that bro and everything started to get better That's crazy. It was I don't think we that's the thing about that they talk a lot about the pill And how it fucks up women's bodies and it

Absolutely does but the people don't talk about propitia very much as like this thing guys do that's purely for To look good. Yeah, and it fucks people up Like it fucks there are ways in which propitia fucks people up I've never taken it But I like hearing that I'm not I've heard that shit before or you have erectile dysfunction or there's just a bunch of problems Yeah, just trying to hold on to your hair. Yeah Yeah, and then what they say is even with erectile dysfunction. So what it messes up is your libido

So that's why the side effect of that is your erection, right? But for in some people, but when it messed up your libido for me It just messed up that mass whatever masculine energy whatever we bet I had left, you know if I can just crippled it So dude, it was just like Bro, I had some of the scare I had never felt And so I threw that in this year and it was just like man. It was just Fuck bra. It was just that shit was tough and I'm so glad I realized that the monoxidil makes a pill That's a less dose

And they also say you can take half of a propitia and this won't happen, but But monoxidil makes a pill as well And and now I take that and I don't have any side effects. Yeah, great. Yeah. Yeah, that's significant Yeah, it was so scary because then it was just at the time. I'm like fuck is I am I just completely falling apart I'm just losing my heart. Yeah, and no, you were just trying to hold on to your hair. I'm gonna hold on to my hair, man That's all the simple guy Just a simple man. That might be the name of this episode. Um, I gotta go meet my sponsor, man. Yeah, of course Thanks so much. I love talking to you man. Yeah, me too, man. And I really like I'm really happy for you

And uh It's cool I'm happy like you were fucking hilarious, dude. Thanks, bro And uh, and I'm happy that you're that people realize it. Thanks, man. Yeah, man. Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate you coming on and Uh, yeah, I love how you always have new material and um Um, yeah, you're a hard worker, man. I really admire that about you. Yeah. Thank you, man. Yeah. All right. God bless. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time

For me to set that parking brake and let myself on Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me And I will find a song. I will sing it just for you Oh