This Past Weekend - Pink Eye in Charleston | This Past Weekend #252

Episode Date: December 30, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_     -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   New Merch https://theovonstore.com    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Skillshare Sign up for 2 months free at https://Skillshare.com/TheoVon   MyBookie Use code THEO at https://mybookie.ag to sign up today ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intro “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn   Outro “Celebrate” - Spencer Jacob http://bit.ly/Celebrate_SpencerJacob    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline [phone]   Video Hotline Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patreon Gunt Squad   Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Ashley M Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Bench Dog Wood Shop Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Christopher Becking Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal David Christopher Dentist the menace Devin James Cornwell Dionne Enoch Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L Kaylyn Dudich Kenton call Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Scott Turnbull Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timmy No Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Brown Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vincent Gil Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ُورُورُ Spencer B啊 r 3 r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l ll l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l lo l l l l l l o l l l l l l l l l l u l l l l l l ll l l l l l l l l l l l l ll l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l ll Happy New Year, almost. I'm just sitting on your front porch Wondering how could I be so far from my home And my mind is somewhere else But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been Brown

Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake

And let myself unwind Shine that light on me I slip and tell you my snoring Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you Shine Oh, shine

Oh, yeah What sound do you make if you step on something that you don't want to be stepping on? Yeah, I do that. And sometimes if it's really I'll do that sometimes, bro If I'm really feeling soft, you know Like if I've been pleasuring myself

And I don't have a lot of man power in my body And I step on something And I step on a thumbtack Or a, you know, a sewing pointer Needle Then I'll do that, you know I'll make that sound kind of No, that one's too fake

That one I don't really make This is the end of the year This is the end of the year 2019 2019, we knew it would end We knew it would end when we got into it And Santa's come Everybody's popped through

Santa Who else? Wolverine, who else came out this year? The Avengers? I don't even know, everybody It happened It's done 2019, almost in el libros In the books

In the books And I'm just trying to get some of the sounds That are stuck in my body from the year I'm just trying to get them out of me You know you ever want to do that? Sometimes I just want to Oh Sometimes I just want to get a little bitty

Frickin' evil person, just like a little bitty Just like a little devil And I just want to choke him I want to choke him Okay, good to be here Happy almost New Year to you I hope that the holiday was a good one for you I hope that you got what you wanted

You had fun You did what you wanted to do I went down to Louisiana And I enjoyed myself You know, I watched the children Open their gifts You know, the kids got, you know Bobby and Janet got scooters, you know

Little Leroy got a damn, you know Tickle and doll or something It wasn't a tickle me Elmo, but it was just like Kind of a cheaper one and it just Somebody wrote tickle me on the side of it It was like a tickle me He-Man or something Or tickle me, I don't even know

It honestly looked like a little bit of like Kind of a soft statue of Al Roker But, you know, some bootleg toys and shit like that Cause you Christmas man anything Dude, if it's an infant too, you give him anything, bruh Give him a little fucking, give him a little Little dime sack of sawdust You know, you give anything to a beautiful infant

But I had fun, had fun, spent time with the fam Hung out with my mother We had a nice time, I gave her some ear rings My, what, oh the kids got merch My nieces and nephews got merch man They were stoked about it, so that's that That's, you know, I didn't just pick it up And I ordered it for them

You know, I'm not just, you know, doing that But yeah, it was good man, what else I went to, we did the charity show in Lafayette So thank everybody that came out from there We actually had a caller that called in about it Let's hear this Yo, what up D.O. This is Dustin

What's up Dustin, thank you for calling brother Onward I just seen you showing Lafayette And I was waiting live for a meet and greet And I had to pee So my girl gave me a water bottle to go in the car And, you know, run big yellow Oh yeah dude

I know what you're talking about bruh Doing that little uh, just doing that Self drip by yourself in a car Peeing into a thing Yeah, peeing into somebody's uh, you know Peeing into a water bottle or peeing into You know, if somebody has big hands And they put them together like a bowl for you or something

Just something so you don't have to use a Regular plumbing vestibule Onward Well I fucked around and left the cap on And I peed on myself while waiting to learn But we still got it done And I still met you The show was awesome

Gang gang bruh Gang gang bruh, that's it Or as my mother said when she was leaving The venue the other night My mother came out My brother and his lovely wife came out Um, she said Gang gang darling

That's what she said in the distance man So that really That really frickin just That made me laugh man, it was real funny Um, but thank you, thank you Thanks for coming out Dustin and And the fundraising The meet and greet all of that for

Dustin Poirier's charity The Good Fight Foundation Uh, it was fun, Dustin came out His beautiful wife Uh, you know it was just Man, Lafayette really showed out They really showed out man So thank you for everybody that came South Louisiana

And just People came from all over and it was It was a time boy It was a time Uh, yeah Dude look I feel you man I've done that thing where you're trying to pee into something In college a lot of young men

Will pee into things instead of going to the Toilet You know you pee in You know you pee in a couple of milk jugs Or Or something Dude I'll tell you this they had When I was um

Working in Charleston Uh When I was working in Charleston, South Carolina They had a smoothie outfit over there I worked at And it was a bootleg Kind of health and wellness shop And it was called uh frozen options Was the name it was like a start up

Smoothie deal Frozen options And self tanning eventually was But that came later but So and they had a manager the guy It was just some guy who was basically trying To hire people and then have set you know Trying to hook up with the lady you know

Trying to hire cute chicks or even busted chicks And get them to do a lot of tanning until They look attractive And then make love to them you know I think that was kind of some of his You know business model because he was kind of Sad on the inside a little but um Anyway

Yeah I worked at frozen options right and uh I don't know why I thought of this but So at one point we got the tanning beds And they had a man that came in one time An urban gentleman bro you know Kind of you know a darker man And he wanted to do the tanning bed And so I'm like uh

You know I'm like you know I You know you don't want to tell anybody Know that they shouldn't do the tanning bed But this guy you know He's already got kind of put him in the tanning bed A little already so the lord's got his You know he's got that base And um because I never seen a black guy

Get into a tanning bed before So dude he would come he would come And about the third or fourth time he came I realized something might have been wrong with him A little bit but I don't know if something was Something also might not have been Wrong with him he could have not been wrong You know or nothing but

But anyway dude so the crazy So the wild part is I used to get high back then That's when I was smoking a lot of weed and Making exotic shakes for people Somebody rolled in I'd hit him with that Peanut butter and menthol fucking That medium bro there you go They're like it's not cold I'm like who gives a damn

They said it's called frozen options I said well this is one of the options baby Okay one of the options is not cold Right and you got that You know I'll fucking hit somebody with that pineapple Walnut little baby shake You know I'm the kind of dude I'll fucking just squeeze four cherries

Just strangle four cherries in the palm of my hand And then just drip the Just open my hand up and then just drip it Right into your mouth You know I'll put two blueberries under your tongue Bro and hide a fucking pecan in your ass bro And slap your cousin dog And that's right there that's 475

You know I'm the kind of guy I'm serving of different options So anyway dude this The story's a little bit vulgar but You know talking about urinating and having a You know handle body And handle body you know Things that come out of your body in places but Anyway so one time the man went in there

And he had something that happened to him And I heard him laughing in there for a little bit Or yelling or something I'm not sure And dude I'm not the kind of look If somebody's in a tanning bed And they're going through some shit I'm not opening that bitch up Okay

They're in there for 9 minutes Or 11 minutes I think this dude And he was getting blacker He was getting more you know I mean he was definitely I don't know if he was trying to get better at sports I still have no idea why this man was trying to get Darkened out

But he was fucking You know he was really He started out about like a Like on my homes and he finished up Like around a little bit of like a kind of Kind of a Kind of more of a crisp Denzel So that's really the range he was in you know

But anyway so anyway he had a Bowel accident or a BM My grandmother used to call it You know when you basically You know you do Throwing a little booty work out of your You know this is This is vulgar to talk about

But the man had a poop or something in the What is that thing called space shuttle No it's a Like a hot like a little toaster Fuck I was just talking about it Tanning bed The man had a little accident there

Well dude I'm working in the Shake Shop This was a startup so You know maybe you got two employees So Another employee was this chick dude And she was Bro this chick was addicted to tanning But anyway

I had to clean the thing I had to clean the I had to clean the The tanning bed of the You know Feces or whatever Excrement But dude I don't know anyway so I don't know

If I cleaned it that good or what happened But anyway over about the next probably Probably about Probably About nine people got pink eye From the tanning bed at frozen options And self tanning And um

And damn dude And then I would start seeing people around town with pink eye And I would just feel bad bro And I knew I dude I cleaned that thing so hard But I think I just You know you can only It's the dark It's the dark arts man

You know You can only clean If somebody's in a In a bunker in a fucking In that body bunker just getting that tan on And you And they blow up you know They throw some body work out into the deal

Out of the bottom You can't always No matter what you clean it with I mean you know The lord himself can hand you a mop And you're not going to get it all up And then dude The place went under and we sold the

They sold the tanning bed So I can't even imagine how many people Got Got that itchy eye You feel me But hey things happen man Things happen sometimes

So if you've ever had pink eye in Charleston I'm just saying man That's one of the options dude That's one of The options bruh Cause I worked in the smoothie place Dude I remember one time this lady came in This lady was a damn muppet

And she looked at the sign And all the different fruits and different options And she came up And she goes What's blueberries And I fucking Lost my mind Cause this lady is probably

About 40 years old What's blueberries And she just had never heard of them So But then on the same foot man On the other side of the bunion or whatever they say I got to also serve that lady the first Serving the blueberries she ever had

You know because That's what I do I'm the kind of guy bruh You know what I'm saying I'll put fucking five blueberries into a oyster Close that bitch up Put it in your mouth And fucking braid your hair bruh And that's fucking nine dollars dog

That's a medium That's how I do it dude You know what I'm saying I'll take a hit off of a hot Junt blow it straight up Your cousin's freaking pie hole bruh You know that That just Shot gun it right into his mouth

You know put a neck Tie on his ass Take him to a fucking Take him to a Down by the train tracks And fucking tickle his ass Until the number six comes bruh And that's seven dollars dog

That's a large So that's the kind of That's who you get That's what you get from me When you get the different options But thank you for coming out man Thank you for coming out over there To the show in Lafayette

I got some shows coming up I'm going to Europe Literally in like five or six days I'm going to Europe Coming up I'll be in I'm going to be in Manchester, England Dublin Glasgow

Edinburgh I'm not even sure Some other places Places that are still on sale are Oslo, Norway January 14th Stockholm, Sweden Las Vegas, Nevada

I'm coming back January 31st and February 1st At the Mirage Oroville, Casino I'm coming back I've been there about two years ago February 15th That late Valentine's Day hitter Get that love hitter

That fucking that little lay order monkey Bruh Feed two bananas to your lady bruh And I'll tickle her until she starts swinging from the branches You feel me that monkey play Toronto February 20th is now on sale The other two nights are sold out

And then Oxon Hill, Maryland February 26th As well Denver January 20th I think 4th or 5th or 6th Or maybe all three of those dates All the tickets are available at theovon.com

slash tour What else? What else is happening? I don't know You know I've been thinking about Dude I'm thinking about maybe looking for a different place to live I don't know

That's all I got dude I'm excited I think for the new year It's kind of scary at the end of a year But it's nice too because it's a reminder It's like The calendar is like Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Hey

Hey Oh yeah, oh yeah You know it's like a little bit of a free procrastination Kind of free like hey Here you go It's like a reminder like hey, hey, hey, hey Remember?

Oh yeah, yeah Because if there was like 2,000 months in the year You might never even make it to summer Let's get a call that came into the hotline right here 985-664-9503 Is always the deal

Oh let me comment on this Bobby Lee Who obviously named after General Robert E. Lee And a lot of you guys know Bobby Lee He's a beautiful Korean or semi-Korean comedian

And He has a podcast called Tiger's Belly Which is also a rare food I think It's a rare food and it's also a nickname for Diarrhea

Which is then a nickname for Nick Swanson But I'm going to tell you Bobby Lee Decided to Drop a little Omage Which is French and also I think is a cheese To your boy

By getting the same haircut So Bobby you want to step out here To my Heritory bruh That's what I'm seeing here But let me tell you that it's not just What you wandered into

Robert is not just Style man It's an embodiment of something Bigger than yourself Dude it's that B-Y-O Tarzan bruh it's like having something Just swinging off the back of you You know what I'm saying dude

Anybody could just Have hair Tons of things have hair dude Even some women have a little bit of hair On their chin bruh And they might work at the library or whatever But what I'm telling you Robert Or Bobby

As you go by Which is obviously a racist name But I'm telling you this Bobby That you can't just Just try to embody My Fucking follicle karate bruh You feel me

You can't just try and Duplicate My gator cape baby Okay Cause you hear When I turn my head you hear that You hear that tail flip around bruh That thing

That thing will bite a baby at Disney world bruh I ain't playing This haircut ain't playing Robert And I saw you the other day Bobby And you look like a Rosie O'Donnell That's what you was looking like man With your long hair I seen it

And now You're trying to come at your boy And the slept kingdom Wants to challenge the rat kingdom Well let me just tell you little daddy That this is a working Man's cut This isn't one of these

Sleeping Cuts that you like Your hair before would have Attested positive for a Tempurpedicness What I'm saying is you're gonna have to wake up Bobby Cause the hair cut you have now Is an end that you come into

This adult men's haircut Before you had a children's cut You know kind of a Thick child maybe that it Never done well on standardized tests And then was put into a Unique school For children that learn more by shapes

And by you know Soft items But now you have a real Senior's haircut man A man's cut And this is a full body Style You know this thing has aroma coming off of it

You know you got that hair cut now Man look I'll tell you sometimes I turn around and there'll be Six raccoons behind me and two of them doing Dice bruh and one of them Cutting up a gram So it's just You're entering a realm

That I don't know if you're prepared for And I don't know if you're welcome Let's take a patreon question here Have you watched Delia on the show You know I haven't And what are your thoughts on him playing The ultimate creeper of children I couldn't wait to hear your thoughts

You know Chris Delia is He's the embodiment of the dark arts And people know it And he knows it If you put your ear up to Chris Delia's hand You can hear a bunch of Bullshit

You know And there's a lot of rumors that go around about him You know somebody said When he was a baby that they had other babies That had to live in his crib and work for him And they would do all kind of stuff And those babies wouldn't get any milk And some of those babies

They just They get so dehydrated that their eyes would be dry And sometimes Instead of giving them water He would crawl over by them in the crib And just lick their eyes And man that hurts me Knowing that he

Could have done that kind of stuff And there's other stories out there too About him You know somebody said that his hair Actually is armpit hair From a very Tall man's armpit And that Chris kind of bored the guy

To death one night By just yelling ips Over and over again And the guy finally couldn't take it anymore And his brain and heart shattered at the same time And then And Chris trimmed His arm, the man's

You know that pit hair That fucking tertiary little That little Because armpit dude it's almost like a vagina There's just no entrance And rumor is that Chris then trimmed that hair there And

Sowed it into his own head Yeah So it's just You know there's a lot of There's a lot going on out there And you want to be Prepared For telling you

You also want to know That it's It's the time of year where you need to look real hard In the mirror And that's true man Are you happy with where you are And you could be anywhere Hawaii, Toledo

Bankruptcy Did you make the right choices with your life Are you the person you want to be If you're listening to my voice On this podcast right now The answer is obviously yes That being said Getting what you want in life

Is learning new skills And there's no better place to do that Than Skillshare Make 2020 a year where you Explore new skills Deep in existing passions And get lost in creativity With Skillshare's online classes

What you find Just might surprise and inspire you Personally I'm taking Simon Sinek's How to Share Ideas That Inspire Action Because we talk about That kind of stuff on here Skillshare is an online learning community

That offers membership With meaning With so much to explore Real projects to create And the support of fellow creatives Skillshare empowers you to accomplish real growth It's also incredibly affordable You can take classes in film and video

Music Music production Productivity and finance An annual subscription is less than Ten dollars a month Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com Slash Theo Vaughn

And get two free months of premium membership That's two free months At Skillshare.com Slash T-H-E-O-V-O-N Alright let's get to another call here Here As always the hotline [phone]

Hey Theo gang gang brother Gang gang amigo Or Friend Onward Hey my name's Jesse Out of sewer Florida here Out of sewer Florida

I've never heard of that man but I'm not shocked What happens in Florida A lot of things man The first 48 Synchronized swimming Shipwrecks What else

A lot of water born disease And also The NFL Super Bowl will be there this year And that's where you may see the New Island Saints New Island Saints Let's go on Jesse Onward

And I used to know a guy named Jesse too And he was a Christian Prize fighter And um And he would often beat the lord into some people Gang let's hear it I just wanted to call in man I was just listening to podcasts my way home from work

And I heard you guys talking about The single mother thing And what you guys were doing for them You know I just got me thinking You know how much I love my mother And uh You know I just wanted to call and say thank you To let me uh

Feel that feeling I guess Um feeling this uh Feeling this overwhelming sense of Sense of love for my mom right now You gave that to me Alright gang gang Gang bro You're welcome man

You know when you it's funny When you just said that it made me uh Uh You know I sometimes just get this Feeling in my face it kind of starts behind My nose a little And then it gets into my eyes and it's like It's an emotional feeling

And then I can feel it a little bit in the back Of my throat Uh Yeah and it's like this emotional feeling Man um And yeah I appreciate thank you For the call Yeah I got to see my mother

This past weekend and um You know it's And we had three single mothers That came out too I want to thank everyone From Patreon for supporting And and all you guys just for listening And supporting For supporting the ads

And uh You know last year we sent Um Christmas cards Uh with the financial gift To all of the single moms that Have ever been associated with the show Um And I'm not saying that

Because I want you I need any sort of Oh you're Like you're cool Theo or anything like that I just You know I want these moms To know that we care about them And that we don't forget about them

Um Because that's important You know it's important not just to let Moms know that but You know it's important that people know that That they are cared about Uh But no we had

Some beautiful mothers that came out and it was nice For my own mother to be there in Lafayette It was nice to have the single moms three Beautiful ladies we had dinner before Uh I'm actually Going to give them all a call tomorrow and We're going to do something nice for them but I just want to thank everybody for supporting the

Patreon and I'm glad that you had A nice thought about your mother and that you had a Thought that you know that's bigger than Just in our brains Because I like the thoughts that make me That get in that are That Because anybody could get a thought in their head

Man I like a thought that takes over my being You know a thought that comes from Somewhere I don't know From somewhere that's bigger than us Gang shit dog That's what I'm trying to say dog you know what I'm saying And that's a fucking

Medium bruh Oh you come in you don't have any shoes on Over at frozen options dude Oh well How about this bruh I'll throw a fucking Half a gram of oat milk Couple two winstons in there dude

Two winstons longs in there You know I'll throw in Two scoops of strawberry You know a little bit of Creme de coco bruh that coconut crema And I'll fucking whip that bitch up And pour it right into your damn brazier

And chill them Tets off you feel me And that's a large right there So I'm just telling you at frozen Options we got different things You want pink eye from the tan in bed We got it So shout out to anybody in

Charleston, South Carolina who has ever gotten Pink eye To go with that base bruh If you got that healthy Base tan You may also If you got that itch bruh you got a little bit of dine Tine in your uptown you feel me

And I tried my best to clean That bed man but we were understaffed Over there My god we were understaffed And it just We were better than that But what also Was that man doing coming

To tan Bruh Cause dude I remember in high school They had kids who had kept trying to tan Because of thinking they'd be better at sports and shit You know when we had one dude this guy Clint And he was Bruh he

He looked like he fucking Uh Like he was best friends with the son Because he just Look damn I mean he could have He could have worked with the NAACP

He was Dark And but it did he didn't look Like a black guy or like a you know he didn't Look like a black kid he just looked Actually I guess sometimes he did Cause he did he ended up dating You know he ended up getting hit on

More often by black girls and this is also You know 18 years ago or whatever But damn bruh You know people do anything to try to be You know to get above the rim They really will Let's take another call Here we go

What's up Toby And I used to live near a boy named Toby growing up Named Chris Jones And named Toby And he never said much man but he always had A little bit of a grin on his face And And I asked him one time

Why they call him Toby and he didn't know Let's hear more Over there Prairieville my sister used to work Over there Over in Point Where's that right across the river She worked at a Bar over there Tiger Land

Tiger Plaza or something Tiger Bar In Peer Park She over there across the river bruh Gang And I just wanted to tell that guy I don't think he left his name but I'm sure He's probably listening to your podcast

Hey man I believe in you too And your kids probably Your kids believe in you And they depend on you and you know that man Just keep on doing it bruh Just keep doing what you're doing And showing up man Gang gang

And get that hitter I don't even know what that means yet Cause I just started listening to your show but it sounds cool Peace and love Enjoy your holidays bruh Hey man man and happy new year to you Yeah man it's wild when somebody's going through You know that toughness

When somebody's Because we all take turns man We all take turns on the merry go round And You know and it takes us around And sometimes it's taking you by the gum drops And sometimes it's taking you by the You know the ladies out there

With the fricking With the soft tits and everything And scooping you out Fricking You know a little Souffle or something And sometimes you come around And you pass

A beautiful garden And sometimes you pass a knife shop And sometimes you then you pass a mirror bruh And we all go around in this time where we pass that mirror And you get that reflection Of yourself and you You know we just You get

You know what you get a reflection Like I wish they had a mirror that was Like for our feet for like who we are Bro like the inside of us I wish they had that mirror where you could stand in front of it And it would say oh Don't you see this is This is how you're seeing yourself

And And uh I don't know I don't know what I'm trying to say But thank you Thank you for your sentiment man You know I believe that we will At some point in time develop another We will find that there's another level

Of communication that we are That we are just learning It's another language or something That connects us all At a much Greater level Than What we're doing now

Or then the most Common form of communication now which is Texting or Fucking yelling at somebody Or fist fighting at a damn Pup high chicken And dude I'll be honest Pup high chicken dog

If y'all can't fucking If y'all can't Figure the shit out I mean they got one in Louisiana over there On St. Charles Avenue And every year they got a couple of muppets over there Gunning each other down bro For no fucking reason

And it ain't Mardi Gras They pop off over there By the I'm going to tell you this man Is there anything more satisfying than watching An underdog knock out his opponent Helping you cash a big money line ticket No there isn't

You know I laid a wager I laid a wager On my bookie Two weeks ago I bet Denver And then I bet New Orleans to win this week And I need LSU to win the whole thing So I need them to win

In a couple weeks or next week whenever that game is And I'm going to make me I think about $1500 So it was a risky move I just laid $100 Which is a good amount But it was a big payoff So three games but

My bookie has better bonuses And more MMA odds than Any other sports book period Plus it's football season And nobody does game day better than My bookie Whether you want to make a futures bet Do some live wagering

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And start winning today Damn I cleaned that fucking tan in bed Dude I can't even tell you how many times Because people come in bruh and they go tan in it One girl's like I'm going to stay in there For about 19 minutes and I was like Damn She definitely going to get pink eye

She's going to get pink eye in her dang Buttocks dude because that is That's too long in there If you in there baking and they still got them body Remnants from your boy Dark tanion bruh You know the fifth Fencer

The fifth um What is that movie called? The fifth musketeer Uh Let's take another call here here we go 9856629 Shit I just forgot the number bruh Good

Good that's okay onward THEO It's your boy Sean calling from Minneapolis Minnesota boy Big Sean Hey Sean Oh hey Sean Hey Sean

Hey Sean Hey Yeah Sean onward Seanward Horrible joke Just figured out hit that hotline You know I'm 20 years old man But you know I was uh

Dicking to them dog cars you know For 3 or 4 years man Wow you were dicking for 3 or 4 years In only 20 So you that early riser You that worm bruh The bird to the house gets the worm daddy Let's hear it

Fuck yeah I know dude Hell you could probably get a job right now At frozen options baby You feel me Come on in baby come on in We got roller skates We got tanning What's blueberries we got them

Frozen options Oh you have it oh what do you want That cowboy special huh I'll take 2 hits of uh I'll take 2 dips of um Of long cut Throw that in the blender I'll take a uh I'll take

Half of a paps blue ribbon Throw 2 thing of um Nutmeg in there And then drop a fucking copy Of Reader's Digest in that bitch Mix it up That's a Medium for you boy

Gang let's hear it Gang thanks for hitting it daddy Thanks for hitting it you little Fucking butter cat You out there trying to stay on that dust But it sounds like you live in dust trope Here's the thing brother If you gonna do drugs

That's your choice It sounds like you've been through it And you're out the other side So I'd let that rainbow Stay where it's at Because You know a friend of mine Told me recently he said drugs

It's like a bill It's like a tab You order you keep running the tab up And running the tab up and running the tab Up on your body or on whatever And at some point You know god Or the devil or whoever says

Okay you gotta pay the tab now And you might have to pay it with your health You might have to pay it with jail time You might have to pay it with your life You know nobody wants to think about that So you know it's just running that tab How long do you want to run that tab How much risk do you want to take

That's what it is Bro if I'm 20 years old In high school Can you even date anybody Dude that's basically setting you up to be a sex offender I feel like Because what if you find a girl and she's You know 17

Or 16 You think she's beautiful and nice You know And she got them soft booty cheeks You know Or are you even allowed to Have those kind of thoughts Like I don't know what you do

Jesus Dude that sounds like Like a bait car And bait cars when they put a car out there With cameras in it In a place where cars get stolen all the time And then they film what happens inside And they go about it

So Fuck bro if I would do If I could go back to high school dog I would be Making Sex with more Women Not at this age I'm talking if I could go back in time

Dude Because now you can make love to anybody in high school Teachers Janitors We had a lady that looked like a dang Big bird Dude I'll fucking I'll ruffle her feathers dog

If I could go back in time Dude And bring my wiener Hello Dude I would Bro I wish my wiener was detachable I'd throw it down the freaking block

Let one of them real wild bitches You know She'll catch it in her You know She'll probably catch it under her chin You know cat balancing on her back Like she's doing hacky sack Just kind of stop it real slow on her back

I mean Damn bro But if I went back to high school dog I'd fucking eat lunch fast And then go talk to chicks I'd do my work So easy bro Here's the answer to everything in high school

1776 That's one answer All of the above That's the other answer And everything else I would just I'd put Hester Prynne as the other one

You know for Whatever that thing is Vikings or whatever the lady that did it all Alright let's take a call right here Theo This is Ty coming out of Morgantown West Virginia What's up Ty up there in Morgantown

West Virginia And they had a woman and her Nice Offered me one time to give me that Wheeling feeling in West Virginia And they wanted to do sex And make me a soup Or something they said as well

Try to get me Come back to their place for a sex and a little soup I didn't do it Wish I had Let's hear more Traveling to Columbus Ohio right now To see my family Just graduated WVU

Gang gang Gang congratulations dude That's fucking fire son You graduated college bro That's crazy Dude now you can do whatever you want May I also recommend Something you might want to get to

Ending up a place called Frozen options boy Gang Okay you dated a little UK girl And I'm headed to the UK in a Week so I'm only 24 But here's my dilemma

She might have been The most Beautiful thing I ever got to touch And that's what I'm having trouble with you know Can't really get myself as you know Might be excited for somebody Else as I did for her

Just wondering if that ever happened You kind of made you know lose some confidence For your future love life If it did maybe it didn't Maybe you could give me a little A little bit of points on how to deal with this Having trouble you know getting excited for that next Person

Gang Yeah buddy Yeah buddy So you really sprung hard for the girl For that euro kitten That little you know For that little irish For that little irish doily

For that little kitty cat You came hard for that For that cat Dude here's what I'm telling you If you You will get other women That are going to be attractive okay There's always

But Someone might be attractive in different ways You know that's the thing I learned About as I get a little older for me Is I learned for myself that You don't if it's just sex Then something will come along You know your body will have

Sex with someone else I promise you And your body is going to be Your memory will fade Of her some And The next option that you have for sex Will become Almost as good as her

Whether that girl is or not Really Because You know it's based on options You know I went to One time Guantanamo Bay And did some stand up down there

I don't know nine years ago And the first day I got there Dude they probably had nine girls on the island They had like two thousand People stationed down there Nine female girls And The first time I saw them I was like

Oh I don't know you know A lot of these women You know wake up and shave their face In the morning some of those type of You know beautiful lady like that but that style You know Kind of chick that had a you know You know she had her tits pierced

With With penises you know what I'm saying Some real You know women who weren't Interested in being women almost By the third day I was there Those women were the most Beautiful they were all look like

Cindy Crawford They all became Cindy Crawfords They all became Gladys Knights They all became You know Who else Emma Hermione Granger

They all became nice You know the it I don't know what the equation is But it's like distance minus time Plus a couple of these Bitches And They're fine

They you know They're fine as fuck squared bro So that's how some of that works You gotta think about that thing because Because nothing Because nothing dude That's advice right there suggestion bro That's a small

But yeah you'll find Someone else will come along and then eventually You might fall in love and you don't I feel like you don't choose who you fall in love with That's the part I don't think you choose The love Thing that comes in for me I notice is something that is

I don't know I mean you can definitely I don't know I just feel you don't choose who you love man You really don't And there's almost a beauty about it Because in a weird way it takes When you're really in love I think it takes that pressure off of you Is this the right person is this

Because that love is just real But also what the hell do I know And look let me tell you As far as other women You'll date in your life dude First of all you can go back to high school That's what some of these other guys are doing Bro they busted a man

In Indiana Years ago And he was like 32 And he was little he had like Italian Ism or something and he was real little Like I mean really little he was like Three and a half feet tall or something He went back to elementary school

And he went to school for like seven months In Indiana and finally somebody busted him They saw him driving a truck And doing construction Or something over the weekend and they got his ass You know one of his teachers Like what the fuck are you doing out there You know you're a foreman

And he's like uh Dinosaurs And then they busted him What else man You're gonna date all kind of people in your life You're gonna date a woman that doesn't You know you're gonna date an older woman That comes over and just

Chokes you out bro She put you in that frickin RNC dude In that hard scarf And you wake up and she's already You know She's come twice You know you're like I don't even know what happened You know you're gonna date

A girl that one of your friends Dated And it's gonna ruin a friendship of yours A lot of things are gonna happen You're gonna date a girl that you probably shouldn't date And you're gonna date her anyway And you might start doing pills or selling pills for her You know you're gonna fall in love with

You know you're gonna see a woman on a bus Or on a train or something Fall in love with her A lot of things are gonna happen You're gonna meet some broad over by the pool And you're gonna see That wet suit pressed against them Against them tits

Or butt And you're gonna feel some type of way So yeah everything good You'll be fine brother you will be fine Alright let's take one more call here Here we go What's up Bo out of Columbus Thank you for calling brother

Man I'm just calling in because of the weekend I'm about to have man So Friday My family and I are gonna sign on Our dream home Nice Home man it's nice to have Nice to have a little bit of room

You could get a cat or a dog You know snag a couple of hams Put them bitches in the back You know get a service animal or something If you want Dude I'd like to get a couple service animals But not even need them for support Just fucking get them

Get them all excited and be like guess what Y'all are free bro I don't have a nervous condition You don't have to just fly everywhere all the time You don't have to sit on somebody's lap That looks like a complete Pussy Y'all are free

And they're gonna be like They're gonna be so excited bro And we're all gonna go out to the bar and drink Everybody And the frog is gonna get all fucked up We're gonna make a soup out of his ass But let's hear more brother No reason why that's such a big deal

Is I grew up homeless As long as I can As long as I can remember From like 2.18 Damn Homeless man That's rough bro That's a rough nugget

That ain't no round rock With my family because they were all junkies But Yeah people be putting the mortgage right in that A-arm You know somebody just throw it up in that freaking In that escrow account I'm signing for a $30 million house Man

I just don't know how I feel about it I got this weird feeling of numbness Because I'm finally comfortable And I've never felt that Feeling of comfort So part of me just feels like This house has been the goal for so long But now that I'm here

It kind of feels like a checkpoint man Wow I like that man I like that Yeah like a checkpoint That's what Mike Posner said when he was in here in studio Thanks for sharing that bro You got a home man

That's awesome You got that casa You can get a yard You can bury something out there Do a time capsule Do a treasure You know get a spouse Do a date line episode

You know what I'm saying You could hide anything in the yard But I'm happy for you man I know I can relate to that where you're saying Yeah I'm doing this I can't believe I'm doing a house I can't believe I'm

Yeah it's funny how we get comfortable Even in no matter what it is Whether it's being homeless Or being home full And when it changes It can be unique You know I'm sure That's how Bobby Lee feels man

He just finally Got his head A home Cause that is a home cut Everything else Is some bull Yeah But once he finally

Through the Cadillac of cuts The over Under In one Now he gave his head a home man Dude I wish you love and luck Dude I wish you love and luck brother Over there and everybody does man

That's what we got for you Go get that house dude You know what I'm saying be like the plumber On the plumber episode he's peeing in his own house dude Hell yeah he is Do bottle it up Store it somewhere Sell it for drug tests down the street

You know what I'm saying That's a large Dude all kind of options All kind Of frozen options And pink eyes tanning Everything is available here We got merch

We got new stuff coming out King and the Sting will be off for a couple weeks I don't know if any of you guys listen to that podcast as well But What else man Happy New Year to you Happy New Year to you Three years of this past weekend

That's crazy What could the new year hold You're right brother with the house Yeah this could just be a checkpoint Who knows what's next We might discover a new moon You know we might We might discover a new kind of sugar

You know we might We might make a wish on something Anything could happen You know I might wake up one day And the cure to cancer may be growing out of my back You never know I don't even know what I'm talking about But that's okay

I never have for three years I never have Known Onward I'm headed to Europe What Thank you so much Thank you to everybody that's coming out

In England, Ireland, Scotland Oslo Stockholm Amsterdam It's going to be magical Myself, Ari Manus We'll see you there You guys be good to yourselves

Let's go out with a little Dancer Jacob Grau You know that soon we're going to die Let's have some fun while we all die Celebrate our days Celebrate all your pain Be good to yourself, huh? Life's not happening to you

It's just happening It doesn't have a vengeance out for us Life ain't trying to It's not happening to It's not happening to us It's just happening And we're here We got this

Thank you Celebrate living Celebrate misery You know that soon we're going to die