This Past Weekend - Pyramid Scheme | This Past Weekend #240

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

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you feel me baby I ain't no one-time line baby you knew it I'm that cinnamon lemon daddy I'm staying seasoning you know I'm staying seasonal so welcome very speed what was that oh that was my stepmother oh whoa what was that dude that was an ant with an axe oh oh oh wouldn't that be scary dude if ants they had a bunch of ants with like little bitty axes you know and they were just like we want crumbs it's Halloween it's the time baby what's that oh that's just a cauldron that's a cauldron bro and we had a guy at our school named cauldron Patterson young urban felon beautiful guy and did

a lot of art not art but he painted like houses and stuff like that he ended up getting an end to house painting happy Halloween let's go somebody getting slapped you notice that you can hear it's like a cool beep and then somebody gets slapped every couple seconds right there damn they beating that person oh bitch go oh that's kind of oh man they'll slap a damn jawbreaker out of your mouth right there that thing that's the werewolf dance by Martin land huh and that is I know we've all heard that sound that beat that's um that's uh that sounds scary but also a little bit of domestic dispute kind

of tickled in there with the slappy ooh let's stay haunty today that sounds a little like uh Dexter like Dexter is going to do some Halloween and you know maybe listen little Dexter right there little trick or trauma with Dexter can you imagine if Dexter showed up at your door dude I would it wouldn't be good what are you gonna give him dude you're gonna have to give him your soul because that's what he's gonna get Dexter was such a good show how good was Dexter and then you got some other show you know like Larry and Abba shoulder some bullshit what

else man low let's get into this a little thing oh that's kind of boring here's one let's do this one that's not like somebody about to take they tits out at like a real nice Wendy's or something real upscale Wendy's and that means just any Wendy's that has a you know two doors on it because everybody knows I've been into Wendy's out here in Los Angeles over there Santa Monica and one of the doors is missing you know one of those in and out apparatuses doors is missing off that there Wendy's and if Dave Thomas were alive he would shit in his apron because

that's no way to go through it happy Halloween that was a little bit intro music and just you know getting people keyed up and everything and and that's that and and this is it this is it we got the studio decked if you get to check this out Nicholas premature Nick and if I don't know if there's anything more you know the coffin that you know that's when the coffins open you know the thoroughfare is there and people can you know spirits can come and go as they will and a premature baby and that's what producer Nick you know got here early he came into the world a little bit early and he's doing well early

bird gets the worm I mean the guy's doing really really well and he's out of Wisconsin he's a Wisconsin man and if you get near him sometimes you can smell a little bit of milk on him or something you know just something you know you could definitely I mean he'll wake up out of a dead sleep cheering for Aaron Rogers so he is from Wisconsin happy Halloween to you hope you hope this week have everything you want in it some trickery some ghost dude when I was young a ghost was like one of the top costumes some dude would be a ghost I remember one guy this guy a little Carlton and he didn't have I don't know

he didn't he couldn't walk that good or he didn't want to honestly bro he was lazy so he didn't you know we'd all be walking somewhere and he would kind of just kind of give up and just stand you know he preferred to stand or lay down or sometime my friend Shep this big guy he would carry him and and I remember who's I talking about I remember man but I'm gonna have me a little snicker boy you know that dude never already had to so happy Halloween to you they got the ghosts are gonna be out they got a and they got a lot of different ghosts now oh that's what I was saying when I was young they had rare you know limited

costumes very limited and Carlton one time I remember this dude was a transmission that's what he was and he put some type of metal or something on him and poured motor oil all over himself and we were like dude what the fuck man but but he was beautiful beautiful kid had real beautiful cheeks on him you know sometimes on a child it's almost like the Lord just fucking botoxed him with you know just put like a just a some warming just a little bit of lava or something in their cheeks and Carlton had that he had beautiful ass cheeks too and I wish he wouldn't have been so lazy because more people would

have seen his cheeks but when you're that lazy you don't run across as many people as you should because you're not out making the rounds of the world oh yeah spooky boo I wonder what sound I would make if I'm dying bro if I'm dying dude I'm not making like a I don't know my last thing I don't know what I would do oh some chicks would be like that probably do some of these thoughts out here you know some of these are Franken thoughts out here they'd be like I hope we're gonna have your last sound be you think if you had a last sound that what would it be if you

had a really because it's your last the last noise you're gonna make in the world the last thing that's gonna reverb out of you what would yours be you think that's dumb that's bad one oh that's a tough one that's not that tough you got to have a tougher one than that that might be good but if people if you do that you're probably not gonna die if you have that much energy to do that sound so it'd have to be a soft maybe like a little whistle or something like oh maybe a dog runs over that's kind of beautiful at the end you lay there and you drip you know and then the dog runs over I remember in college I got fired

from radio station for blowing a dog whistle you know one of those dog whistles that only dogs can hear allegedly I mean who knows if they fucking can but I but I got fired for blowing one of those on the radio station all the time because people would complain you know like I can't listen to what food fighters you know because my damn Labrador hates your your your your audio network you know oh I can't even listen to this day you know I'm trying to call in and get y'all to play some juvenile you know I'm trying to play back that ass up we out here at my god cousin's funeral and we trying to play back that

ass up and uh and they got a you know and they got six stray dogs showing up over here on the dance floor so I don't know man y'all need to tighten up over there and and that's what it is what did I do this weekend this past weekend man thank you guys for being here today I do want to tell you some dates that just are coming up very excited Lafayette Louisiana December 26th at the Heyman Performing Arts Center and a portion of the proceeds to go to Dustin Poirier's Good Fight Foundation very excited to see that dude Dustin called out uh you know Nate Diaz on it was hilarious he's in the hospital bed because they took

part of his hip or something they put him in a dam I mean I think they're gonna replace his hip with a damn chainsaw brother that dude's gonna be cutting people's heads off he's gonna have them you know and then you'll probably get a job doing reforestation or timber so who knows I mean that dude could be you know he could be fighting by day and you know he could be fighting that night and doing and building you know and doing working at a lumberyard working at it over there DeWalt or something during the daytime but uh and he was talking shit to um that man Nick Diaz she was hilarious this shit was hilarious if you

go read their conversation back and forth it was pretty funny but it was also kind of respectful too it's pretty cool um yeah this is it this is a great time to get out there do a costume you know when I was young they didn't have as many costumes a ghost was a popular deal especially in our neighborhood you had to get a spare sheet you know I'm saying I remember having I remember asking for a sheet for my birthday just to save that bastard so I could ghost out you know and some people you know a lot of kids kids you know if you had a sheet a lot of times you didn't really you know some people called it more of a

bastard drapery because you didn't usually have a daddy or something if you was just out there in a sheet I remember one kid would put a sheet on and put like a little rope around his neck kind of and he fucking forgot to cut the eye holes into it hell yeah dude ran outside and got attacked by a bunch of fucking stray dogs so you gotta I mean Halloween you gotta think you know you have to I mean cut some face holes and and stuff but I remember getting in the mask remember you would put the tight mask on it'd be so hard to breathe you be like trapped in there and that tight ass thing pressing into the back of your

head that little and if you have one of them cheap ones bro especially from the if you got something from like the pharmacy or whatever your dad got you that little outfit I remember my dad one time got me and my brother he accidentally got us both raggedy Anne instead of Andy and so we were both out there like a just a couple of straight-up sugar bitches man looking for candy going door to door hey little lady people saying I'm like I'm a guy I'm a guy I'm Andy but I'm just I got the wrongs you know suit on I got my sister's dress on that was a shittiest man being locked in that damn little fucking

face fucking prison that kid dude that little plastic mask that bitch cuts into your head you try to stick your tongue out the little breathing hole in there people dying dude they yeah you put that thing that mask on you something you couldn't breathe sometimes you some people die some guy you you know he put it on he died like damn bro where's Leonard you know and he's at the funeral and they got him off the death certificate raggedy Andy on there Frankenstein don't even fucking look for his real identity just wild man different time you know different time dude I remember one time when I was at

Halloween my dad had gotten you know could my father was a senior citizen hold on I might have a snicker real quick because I deserve it hmm my god my god when you get a little snicker boy it's just like somebody just threw a big old fine piece of ass in your mouth you feel me hmm my god I love that little snicker boy and I'm on the minis right now and by Christmas I'll escalate up to a damn full bar I'll go mini then I'll go then baby snicker and when you know and I go full bar I don't do them big king size we got one in here from like a damn museum or something or the kind you pull over on the side of

the interstate and in Missouri to take a picture of with your cousin you set him up on top of it and get a picture of him but oh so one time I remember my dad he was senior citizen and that's like as much citizen as you can be really and he's probably about maybe 75 77 baby I don't know maybe I don't know maybe it's almost about 80 but and he got the bad you know he got his blood work or something came back wrong or they gave him wrong blood work at the hospital because the hospital when I was growing up it was like two guys over there working in a couple ladies they maybe had four people

over there and one guy was a mechanic and so he'd come in there and he put it you know he'd try to cure cancer with a damn Allen wrench in there you know he's in there fixing a broken arm with a you know what a with a Phillips head wrench so there was limited ability to really be you know healed or procured I mean he if you got healed you were really lucky so I remember my dad got some bad the wrong blood work they gave him somebody else's blood work like of a newborn baby or something so he they said he had the good blood you know sugar was low and it was right at Halloween and so dude he got in our Halloween candy he must a he must

ate about I bet he probably had about 19 Reese's Cup and and he had he went into up like a he passed out went in like a sugarcomb or something and you take him to the hospital dude in the hospital you know like I said it's for you know they got three people over there one of them's a drive-through some lady you know they sell him fries out the back of it I mean this shit was this was a limited time it was limited ability to really get well I mean that's why you would either go to the hospital you just do prayer some people just prayer and and my dad they are because you go mostly it was babies mostly the hospitals for babies so you

take a you know you take your dad over there he had like a sugar stroke or something they put him in a damn incubator you know they got him in like a damn nine-foot incubator he's in there you know doing cigarettes or something little Daniel come by and sell him a pack of smokes bro you cuz you know how Daniel is dude he Daniel don't care if you get well or not you know he makes his own choices and he don't like to he don't care if you get well or not and he does not care but those were the days man different time you know because you get a sugar report of an infant next thing you know you think you can live

how you want you're in college again but really you're a senior citizen what else do I have to tell you about I'll tell you this that if you're gambling and you should have been on them New Orleans Saints because Drew Brees man is that kind he's so inspiring you know he's like a he's like a light at the end of the tunnel of humanity then but if you'd like to bet on games like I do there's only one real place to do it and the place that I like to do it is at my bookie my bookie regardless whether you've been battling I'm sorry man I think my lungs is haunted I think my lungs is haunted man by cigarette by

cigarette so sorry man that's what I'm saying dude everybody's getting haunted right now what's in your brain what's it where you go you know you got a dirty ghost in your lung or you got a fucking little you know you got a ghost in your weiner or in your coop you know what I'm saying everybody's got something haunting them right now haunting their body haunting their brain it's that time maybe it's that time we've all got something haunting us some people like to gamble you know don't fly to Vegas to do it it ain't 1900 okay don't get you fly over there and you know lie to your wife and say you going to the store next

thing you know you gone for four days you know so what I'm saying is my bookie do it the right way whether you've been betting for years or you're ready to play for the first time my bookie is your best bet this season make your best bet if you're the kind of guy who likes to bet a little and win a lot try a parlay now a parlay used to be whenever you got a whenever you hooked up with a check over there on a golf course but this is different for instance if you like a couple of the big favorites this week or in two weeks you want to lay a little bit of money on them LSU Tigers to beat that Crimson Tide then parlays are

perfect because it lets you bet multiple games together for a bigger payout and that's how I like to roll I'll lay $6 you know I'll bet you know that that the that the Rottweiler across the street is gonna buy you know is gonna bite one of these you know kids doing tricks on their bikes but you got if you want to bet a couple of that on a couple different streets then you do it through my bookie that's the parlay so if you're gonna bet this season do the smart thing go to my bookie dot AG because no one gives you more ways to win between football season the playoffs the start of the NBA NHL it's time to get

off the sideline and get in on the action and if you join right now my bookie they're gonna double your deal who doubles you deal you ever give somebody something they give you back twice as much the Lord maybe but they will double your deal at my bookie use promo code Theo to activate the offer that's promo code THEO to double your cash visit my bookie my bookie dot AG today you play you win you get paid get paid man get that loot get that loot I'm thinking about going to Louisiana on third Wednesday to go see the kiddos and Anise and nephew and you know man I love you know it's a lot this time of

year coming up and I know you know sometimes we head into the season and people are dealing with different stressors and you know maybe you you just lost a girlfriend or you just lost a love winner you know where you're not sure what to do or you don't know what your choices are but just just keep moving forward you know everything will be okay and I just want to tell you that and I'm telling myself that too because I need to hear that from myself sometimes and I'm not getting all Debbie down or people sometimes say man you know something you get a little downer and dude I'm an alcoholic man you know

this is a it's a problem that it never that whatever that demon is that dark art that lives in me that Vincent van ghost bruh something's haunting it haunts me and I'm a haunted haunted haunted house brother and I'm a two-story brah I got a garage you know I got a base cement a I got a damn you know a lean to our back we got a tree house this some fucking haunted territory and and so it's a constant battle you know when you have alcoholism and that kind of thing itself is a constant battle man it doesn't mean you can't just beat it once you can't it just it you it is a fight so you know and sometimes I got a

little bit of bitch in me bruh when they baked my batch they threw a little you know they threw a little a couple extra fucking little you know half a scoop of bitch sometimes in me so I got a battle through that you know through the through those extra through the extra you know amount of bitch that's in me because look dude if I had my choice and I'm standing there at the checkout I'd be like nah nah hold the bitch you know I'm saying hold the bitch but that's not that's not what the deck I was dealt and so I can only play with these cards that I have oh man we got some great calls that came in man I'm so happy to be here I can't believe

this is let me see December 16th will be three years of doing this past weekend wow three years that's crazy that's like a three-year-old child that's pretty bizarre let's take a call or two as always a hotline [phone] we all got ghosts we all got ghosts what's up James from San Jose and San Jose definitely have been to that place and it's they got a lot of if you're down there kind of where the buses are and stuff they got a lot of at night a lot of people will kind of beat each other out in the street and stuff like that it has that kind of unique vibe that outdoorsy vibe downtown onward shit I

was just listening to your podcast now you're talking about the zoo in the cool of cacun province oh yeah my buddy got that read down there on that uh that Sinaloa and animal sanctuary baby yeah what do you know you have any info I don't know if you know but that's where our topos boys are and they're going him right now so I don't know if that'd be the smartest investment just wanted to give you the heads up I don't know if you've been watching the news lately that shit is going crazy brother gang gang gang gang man no I didn't know that thank you for that information that's one thing I love about this this back and

forth we have here is the information I receive so I felt chap was boys are out there but see that's when I think people could use an animal the most you know couple people getting murdered or whatever and you get to go touch a soft animal you know and that's like I mean it's almost like when you touch the back of a damn beautiful and when you touch the back of a beautiful ape or a beautiful you know a kitten or even one of those little dogs that's in a wheelchair or something um there's nothing more beautiful than that then rubbing your hand it's almost like sticking your hand right in the heavens ass you know like

right into just a right into heaven when you touch the back of an animal or the back or you touch the front of a you know a soft seal or something or ostrich or yeah or something you know at a petting zoo you they let you touch a damn fucking lemur or something or check its throat for a see if it's nodules or you know if it might have a cold or whatever I mean that that can cure a lot of people's I'm saying so the thing the thing about the zoo that gets me is could it be you know two of your friends just got beheaded you get to go look at a couple lambs or whatever fucking or just being together you know cuz it's not always

about sex you know then that could be something that could be special but I'll tell you know it's crazy cuz my boy and even gotten back to me I mean he's down there and responded to like the past four messages so we'll see man but I got a lot of response about that people saying dude don't do a zoo in Mexico well yeah easy for you to say you don't have the opportunity to do it so alright let's we got it we had some calls that came in about pyramid schemes and I got schemed out as a child me and my friend Charlie we lost we each lost one thousand dollars in a pyramid scheme and dude I think it was even when I

remember thinking back I think it was called the pyramid scheme like these people whoever put it on didn't even hide it and I remember it was like a peer I was like it was a pyramid it said you know I think it even said don't do this at the bottom so it was you know it was it wasn't probably like a premier choice but we had some call it came in about that pyramid hmm and I just had another snicker boy good god who am I what have I done to deserve this luxury boy when I put a snicker in my face man it's just like mmm my god mmm it's like my whole tongue just dang went to church brother mmm god it's like everyone on my teeth

just sat down and in a sugary little Sunday school mmm because my mouth is with the Lord when I got a snicker in it my god mmm mmm my man being young and erect when my meal being young and erect mmm dude I used to get so erect as a child I was like a damn shark Jesus person ruined my vibe dude if you laid me on my back and you know I look like a damn shark because I had that wiener topping out up at the top of my pants and everything all right some calls came in about pyramid scheme let's get let's get to one of those because I asked you guys to let me know if you'd ever done been caught up in the dark arts that

shapeshifter man that pyramid you know that's a that's a Bermuda triangle of your bank account right there gang you know what's going on man hope you don't well this is Cody from Lancaster Pennsylvania Cody from Lancaster PA and that's Amish country and the Amish are I mean they're beautiful man they're like new they're like dear like newborn deer endangered species you know you kind of can you can look at them but you don't want to get up real close or steal your chips you know it's still a bag of potato chips out of your hand kind of like those little monkeys over there and Malaysia or even in I think even a lot

of places let's hear more thank you for calling brother onward currently driving from Florida to my hometown I heard about you that's been about a pyramid scheme my fiancee and I actually got wrapped up in one of those with Amway amen brother onward doing some some babysitting and the parents of the child actually just they got us kind of wrapped up in that gave us a presentation of PowerPoint slide started unloading some products on us and it was just like you know zero hundred in in no time so I gotta tell you it's it can definitely be good for the people that are at the top but you know if you just starting out you

have to start selling your friends and family and you know that can just be stressful and you know to be rough man so yeah just let you know we got in briefly got out and you know if anything we lost the money on that so well I'm sorry to hear that man I appreciate you sharing Amway I'm guessing that's when they do the baby powder and yeah I got caught up in that Amway people they sell you anything hey don't you want this shampoo you know it's got cinnamon at the bottom you know it also it has cinnamon at the bottom real cinnamon dude I don't give a fuck man I'm trying I'm trying to wash my hair this ain't a

damn snicker doodle you know so I don't get some time they like Amway like oh you need they got everything you know they'll get you involved in they get yeah they'll say you everything oh you need this little um this thing a syrup you know this thing a syrup it turns into ice cream at night don't you want a couple scoops of it fuck no bro how about that so but I don't know man I'm sorry you guys got caught in it but I'll be careful of that I'll be careful of that pyramid scheme who else got schemed out let's take a call right now yeah it's Von Dan from Indianapolis big Samuel from Indie and thank you for

calling my friend I was calling to leave a comment about the pyramid well that's a yeah a verbal comment gang brother onward me and my experience with that yeah people started calling me that I had to talk to an agent you know hey man and I got this program for you you know it was like the answer all your dreams that's right okay man I haven't talked to you in a long time I appreciate you thinking of me I did I felt like I was loved like these people wanted to give me this this dream I was like okay I'll go to this meeting it's like a mix and do it was very culty and very cool they drink you by man I was instantly freaked

out and they were handing out drinks it was the place that supplements and they're like oh try this energy drink packet which it was good but looking back I think it was the Kool-Aid right yeah they want you to sip the Kool-Aid that's the thing a couple years ago I was you know living my life and they said hey do you want to come perform at this function and I think it was like a couple thousand bucks they said do you want to come perform at this function might have been $1,500 and just come in the back and we're you know we'll meet you back there and come in and you'll be going the stage you're gonna perform for a

little while and then Suzanne Somer is gonna do it and Suzanne Somer is this lady I mean she really she looks like she has a real strong kind of butt hole on her to be honest and I know I don't I've never said that about anyone actually but it looks like her you know her little b-hole could probably I bet it could I bet it could probably blow a bubble with some gum if it has gum in it so that's what I'm kind of saying look like she just has a really she gives you real strong she always does leg fitness and glute fit and you know glute fitness and glute is just so you don't say but that's all glued is but so

I was there I go in the back I go on stage I perform it's a little bizarre it's like all these people sitting in there you know one dude has on like a top hat people are like screaming you know and fired up and and there's like a clock that's counting down on the wall like you know I don't remember what it said like 40 minutes or something so then I get done performing I go back backstage I haven't even been to the front of the event so they say look man if you want to go around front get you a little chocolate cake because they were doing dinner when I was on stage and they had just gotten into the dessert

portion of the evening and I'll be honest I love a dessert all right you know I'm sick of people acting like we just like dinner bitch I like it all okay I want dessert I want that I want lime slices I want it all bitch okay that's who I am I'm sick of sitting at the menu every time we get the menu I have to look at all the other stuff first but give me a menu that just has dessert on it and I'll be fine okay I'll have nine scoops ice cream that's fine brah I actually I wish they served everything in ice cream salad ice cream steak ice cream pork chop ice cream dude I would have it

what's that about uh oh so I go around front I go in then I'm now so now I'm able to see the stage from the front and see what everybody else is seeing there's like this countdown clock of like when the new product is gonna launch there's like all of these um it was called like uh yeah it was like a vitamin thing like Power Vi or something or something I don't know what it was dude and they had these patches you put on your head and helps you sleep and stuff and one you put under your neck or whatever and it keeps ants off your body they had they had one pack they had like these other yeah this patches you put them on your

shoulder and you you know you'll never think about your ex-girlfriend or something or you know they got these patches you it's like you put them on the back of your legs and you can drive batter just all kind of bullshit but everybody was in there and they were fired up and the new patches were about to launch and and I was like holy shit man I just performed at a pyramid scheme I didn't realize I was like damn I just performed at a pyramid scheme and I look on stage and Suzanne Somers up there with that strong ass frickin back you know that back jaw she got that real hearty back jaw and uh and she was

talking about something magnesium I think or something I don't know but but yeah we all get caught up we all get caught up yeah I lost a thousand as a child and I remember getting high when I was young with two with a with the same kid I lost the money with you know little Charlie and he was real real white real white guy and he wore a lot of western type of clothing he had good posture and he he he was heavily garbed western style he was you know like a western style omelet he was like a western style human and one that we got high with a couple urban gentlemen little Clarence and somebody else I don't

remember Christopher I think his name was beautiful boy long arms I mean this kid could fucking he could he could rescue somebody who had fallen down in a whole easily and we all got real high one time we were driving in this 84 Ford escort I had and they and I got so high I was like oh you know what it'd be funny is if I pull over and say the car won't start and they'll all get out of the car and be looking under the hood and it was midnight man it was nighttime you know darkness had set so I roll up on the side of the interstate I was like dang man car won't start guys said they're all fucking high as fuck this and so was I

also so everybody was and they get out the car and and they were looking under the hood for so long man and dude I was laughing so fucking hard I never laughed so hard in my life man I never laughed so hard in my life they're like what is like a floor it you know because if you don't know shit about you know when cars are broken here's what you do you go you open the hood your buddy's in there you say hey bro I floor it and he'll floor it it makes a loud sound and then you say hey I don't know what the problem is bro so yeah man they had and I just kept telling them that it wouldn't start I just kept telling them that it

would not start I don't know why I did it but God is still just good times you gotta have fun with people you gotta have fun with yourself let's take another call he came in about the scheme big CJ down there and Homer and they used to yeah people be like oh they got a lot of homosexuals out there and that means just people from Homer and that's not what you you know it doesn't mean you you prefer someone of the same sex so good to hear from your brother onward 985 baby gang bruh I actually got into a pyramid scheme because of my mom I was actually my mom's first customer and dang now that's dark arts brah hmm man you

really that's why let's hear more yeah I had to give her $600 which was all the money I had cuz I was only like 18 at times 17 18 oh man that's when they got me too man when I was young and we found it one of my buddies his parents he got duped and his parents got duped let's hear more and then I got my cousins involved in it dude it ruined and it ruins families so then that got their money yeah cuz cousins they'll do all kind of shit bruh cousins you know they especially second and third cousins if you can't even make first chair when it comes to being a cousin bruh no yeah I'll get you into a pyramid scheme because

we don't have that for you know you second third cousin dude you might as well be a almost an enemy oh man so we were all kind of involved in it but they would make us go to these trips out to like different states and stuff and do these like conventions I went to this one convention in Vegas and I like basically I just like slept on the floor in someone's hotel room and I was pretty awkward it's probably the worst experience being in Las Vegas at 17 18 but yeah pretty much the falling out was just like obviously we didn't make any money yeah I lost a lot of friendships trying to get people in the

business a lot of high school friendships and some family members and my mom never gave me that $600 back so gang gang damn man it's you know it's hard when you mix money and family when you mix stuff like that it's alright I just had another I had another one hmm and this one's starting to be I'm having a little bit too many it's hard when you mix family and the money in there but he's people fist fighting me and my friend we didn't talk for a long time because of the pyramid scheme because he lost the money and I lost the money we had a square and we kept calling somebody else and then somebody died and

they didn't man yeah I don't know who wins I wonder if there's just somebody who's just going town to town just you know like just Jerry pyramid and he's winning them all but I'm sorry about that that you went to Vegas mmm and you really went through it brother and it haunts you man that's the thing it haunts you I still get a little mad about that but I'm glad I only lost that that that little bit in the beginning I'm glad you only lost that 600 they're gonna get me again that's it homework hey what's up do this is landing I'm from Dallas Texas big landing down there in Dallas and I like Dallas man I definitely

have been down there and you know gotten involved in some you know I don't honestly man I felt some pretty hard titties down there in Dallas a long time ago back when the hard titties was more popular more currently living in LA though I just wanted to call in about pyramid schemes you know you were talking about that shady triangle I personally haven't been in one but my mom was that real pyramid scheme queen hmm oh yeah one of those mid-bitties brah gang she she loved it she finally got out of it thank God but she's teetering I could see her ordering things again she's to order a lot of packages to our

door of different types of accoutrements that you would get in a pyramid scheme she would try to rank up I remember one time she said she was about five sails away from getting a free BMW we still drive a Chevy she did probably about five pyramid schemes when I was a child damn your mom's like the basically the Ayatollah or whatever man she's like the Egyptian Queen really Euphrates or something you know what I'm saying but she's that's crazy yeah and you're always five cars away you're always five sails away from winning that you know the little you know homemade starburst maker or whatever or you know something

you know one of them little ice cream makers or whatever you can have at the house snow cone maker then piece of shit dude I remember buying a snow cone maker one time this bitch was about nine dollars and it was basically just like a little hatchet kind of like a little kind of very not even a hard hatchet like a little safe axe and like a little cup in there and you had to like bring the own ice and beat that shit up and Jesus Christ man I wish I just had never got bought in that and I think to a couple years off my life the stress of trying to just make a damn cold treat for myself you know when I was young but

still kind of haunted by that let's take another call here man the hotline is always nine eight five six six four nine five zero three again we got that out that Lafayette show also want to thank we got some beautiful pumpkins here in studio today and and they're done by mr. Brian Johnson and I'll put them on the Instagram and tag him he does some really amazing art and Brian Johnson's studios is his his IG handle sorry Brian BRIN Johnson studio and he did some real cool one with the cartoon rat King yeah he really got into it and and in it and it's that time this past weekend is brought to you by Skillshare

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yeah you're always five sales away from a BMW man you know yeah that's you know we're always just on the verge we're just on the verge dude you know right after Halloween it's gonna be Thanksgiving I mean it's gonna be like fast and then it's gonna be Christmas then it's gonna be New Year's it's gonna be fast dude it's like when you never hear a kid say like oh yeah I'm seven and a half it's like bro nobody gives a shit about the half dude nobody's milling around being like oh is he gonna get there you know nobody's looking at you one day like oh he's seven years and 56% okay so tight

you know you know tone it down little buck oh oh yeah I'm fifth yeah I'm 50 and a half you know what I'm saying that's the weirdest dude some guy who's like 50 and a half years old and he tells you that that dude that that guy's from somewhere else bra maybe Dutch or something you know the Dutch are real aerodynamic as well I don't know if we've if I brought that up or not but if you want to see somebody go downhill quickly and and really be good at it that's the Dutch they're so aerodynamic you can't beat it no one can let's say a patreon question came in what I do is we can all went to I just did comedy

actually I had four sets I had a bunch of sets this week working on some new material and it felt real good to get back on stage I haven't been on you know haven't been inspired really that recently I don't know what's going on I just you know you know me something I got these ghosts in my brain and but man it felt good this weekend got out there dude Bobby Lee bless him showed me pictures he has pictures of his father when his father was deceased he has pictures in there with him and his father and his family in the dad's land there you know gone I mean the dad is going his spirit's gone on but they're

milling around with the with the with the dad bot I guess you call it dad bot yeah they're milling around with the dad bot so that was and he showed us the pictures he showed us the pictures I think it's like a traditional Korean thing where you know you you know show pictures of your you know kind of like honor your parents or something because they used to do hieroglyphs I would you know if your parents died they would draw it on the wall you know they get a little sword or something draw it on the wall but now that you know you can't people draw on their walls as much because it's not caves and stuff people

you know everybody's wants to resell their house so and he showed us the images dude it was very very interesting it's kind of beautiful though kind of beautiful here's a question that came in from Alex Gebhardt hard to do I've declared myself the world's worst procrastinator I'm currently taking a coding course and I'm behind so many assignments because I just don't want to do them do you ever have problems procrastinating and what do you do to pull yourself out of it yeah man I do and I have problems I'm upset at procrastinating years ago I'm upset for things I mean most of my 20s was

procrastinating and honestly man just chasing leg chasing woman you know chasing you know chasing teddy boy so so yeah I got that man what I do to pull myself out of it well some of it I know this is my nature you know I'm kind of that light you know I'm that last chance Lance I do well at the end you know I do well at the end I do well when the pressure is on but you know when I do really well when when I start early that's when I really really do I find excel at stuff so I think just motivation you know life is a program of action I talked to a friend this week I was you know having time with some

stuff the past couple weeks and so you know and I'm always thinking about things I'm always thinking about how I feel and feeling about how I think and he said hey man life's a program it's a it's a it's a program of action we could think and feel and that's okay those things are real and we need to do that we need to process what's going on with us and and share with other people so we don't have like these things trapped in us but at a certain point it's a it's a program of action people that win are people that act people that achieve their goals or their dreams or get what they want it's people that take action

that's it and the other stuff is good but it's really it's a program of action and and it's hard for me to stomach that sometimes but it's the truth and yeah if you're so far behind man I think set aside a day go to the library make it something fun go have kind of a new experience I'm gonna get me a coffee I'm gonna go to the library I'm gonna do my work I'm gonna get done what I need to do I'm gonna get a classmate to hold me accountable say hey you want to work on this together can we do that because I'll tell you this dude if you're procrastinating now that kind of stuff doesn't go away very easily you know you

really have to make some efforts for change if you want to now if you're just gonna procrastinate all the time don't be too hard on yourself that's what I do you know I'm always beating myself up instead of enjoying my procrastination get a pizza brah you know I'm saying get a fucking ice cream get some pizza ice cream and douse yourself out dude and live it right bro gang this is a patreon question came in Amanda Grayson after working in corrections for the last two years I've seen what the dark arts can do to people can you offer some suggestions on how to stay kind and not be cynical in a

negative and manipulative environment wow I can only imagine what that's like you know you're in corrections you go in there every day in your work and really with the with the outcasts and the the dregs and the people that are evil and afflicted and also people that are mentally not well people that have been neglected and you're working in the bottom you're working at a very unique layer of humanity and also in a layer where you guys are probably perceived as the enemy even though you're just somebody that's going in a clocking in work you didn't make the choices for this person you know you didn't set the

circumstances you weren't the parents of them that set the you know set the framework of their life but you're really you're having to live you know with the with what's you know you're having to be their work front line with them mmm you know I have trouble with it too I have trouble being cynical and being judgmental and I think you know praying for your enemy can really help praying for your enemy you know just try to do do what's right and if they see it you know if people see it some of them will see it someone will remember you know it's so funny to me the people that influenced me in my life ever if you

went back and looked at my life and you let somebody else I hate pick out the people that influenced this fella I don't you might not get them right because sometimes it was just certain moments when I was willing to hear somebody or when I was you know somebody could tell me something a million times and I couldn't hear it but then one day you know a you know a basketball coach or a camp counselor or somebody just had you know had me in a certain you know just in a certain moment or a certain place where I was feeling I was willing to hear what was going on or willing to hear some advice or suggestion and and I

would you know it's just kind of interesting so I think just do your best be an example but also at some points when you you're down there dealing with people that some of them just they they're just an extension of the devil you out there you know you really the prison is basically just like a it's like the hearties of Hades you know you got a lot of real devil dwellers out there so just you know do your best and keep the light alive in you because I bet it can be easy to get pulled down man it's like working right out there on this like it's like almost if you took Hades it was a piece of water and you

put a just a boat dock out into it and that's the correctionals but I bet there's one or two people you can inspire so look for them maybe and I think just maybe see what's similar between you and those people listen for the similarities between because there's some things where you guys are both just human and you'll have very similar and maybe those will be places where you can make little bridges with people what's going on and also I don't know you know I'm just I don't have any experience down there but I do know that the dark arts man it's you know the coffins are open right now and you can hear you can

hear it all happening all right let's hit this this call that came in right here 985-6649-503 as well there's a show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles December 10th and that's a that's a show that would be good to get a ticket to I think it's almost nearing sell out and what I was all went and met with you know we met with a cartoonist company who's made some pretty big cartoons about possibly doing something with the animations that we've been doing so that could be pretty cool you never know but that could be pretty cool yeah and what else I'm just you know I'm starting to feel a little

bit less stressed than I was earlier in this year man I really I was not I was not doing really well it was tough I was having a tough time all right let's keep it trappy bruh here we go hey this is hunter from Shelby North Carolina what's up hunter over there in a cackle like a boy that North Carolina gang bruh give me what you got for a pork chop so I got a DWI last thing about a week ago I'm 25 and but it's my second DWI I got my first one when I was 17 and I blow a 0.09 well now I've blown a 0.09 for this one oh wow so you probably you like the damn rain man a breathalyzer are you hitting them numbers though you

know I'm saying you might want to play the Scratchers or whatever do to pick three onward as well but it falls within a seven year period to where you can't have two DUIs in North Carolina within seven years or you get mandatory jail time and so you know I got I got my old lady and my dog I was just bought a house I had to drop out of school I guess I'm gonna start to find a job or something somewhere so I can look good to the judge I guess but I guess I'm really just stressing this this going to jail thing I just wanted to get some some advice from you and and I guess just here you make something funny about it

or something make me laugh but a gang bruh well dude it's hard I mean if you really from a place called Chevy North Carolina let me look that up is that really Chevy North Carolina I was gonna say dude it's hard not to get a DUI when your town is named after a damn truck um dude I can't believe you blew that point oh now in two times you should tell the judge that like look I'm the breathalyzer whisperer okay every time I puff into that bitch I hit the numbers you know I'm saying you might want to go out just telling me you know you might want to start being a bookie or something a breath bookie and I mean it sucks dude

you know what sucks kind of is if you you know if you guys were you know a lot of wealthy people get out of this kind of shit because they get the right attorneys and blah blah blah you know and and that's where people you know from regular places like us they don't we don't have the same opportunity sometimes but those people who get out of things like this that they're just kicking the can down the road they don't learn their lesson so maybe you just had some bad luck you know if you got two and seven years that's not insane but it's a I don't want to say that's a pattern but it ain't fucking cool you

know it ain't good it ain't great and I know you know that man am I trying to preach at you but damn at least if you go do a little bit of time bro I think your wife will think that's sexy as hell you know having to drop out of school if you do go in man I would just use it as time to prepare for something or just you know study or to just be to come out and be you know really streamline headed into what you want to head into it may be a good time for you to give you some time to think about stuff I mean I'm hoping it's just a couple of months or you know but damn bro and also you can't be in people's in there for doing fires

and arson you know murder you know outdoor murder indoor murder all kind of stuff or and you in there just for you know you had a couple of bush lights and fucking decided to floor it on the way home I think you got to come up with a better you got to come up with a good crime that you did try to think of a real good crime what's a good crime doing you know you could always tell me you tickled the cop after they pulled you over bro I think there's something kind of wild about that because anybody could shoot somebody or do this or that but somebody tickle a damn cop brah people say what you in for you like I just been

tickling the police son like damn I'm gonna give that guy my my my bread roll at dinner because that dude's a kind of guy was fucking not afraid of fucking put both of his all ten of his fingers into a cop's ribs and wiggle him around come on boy that's something serious dude so yeah I would tell people you know for tickling the police bro because there's something kind of fucking artsy about that but stay safe and give your wife a big hug man and you're lucky to have somebody to support you if you do have to struggle with that and I'm sorry that people like where we're from don't have the same opportunity to

get out of some of the bullshit but the bullshit stays it just adds up so no matter what's going on however this shakes out I think if you can get to the core whatever the issue is would you have a drinking problem you have a driving problem I'm saying one of them you have a I think you have an issue with one of them so maybe next time if you take all your maybe have your buddy take all your tires off your truck or something if you're gonna go drinking you know make a rule or something you know at least two tires so be be well brother onward all right let's take this call right here here we go one more call

maybe maybe I don't know it's Halloween man I've been trying to just I'm not trying to do anything man I'm just trying to keep it going I'm trying to keep it going man that's all we got to do you know I'm so tired of my brain making plans with me my brain's always like every time I do something it's like okay now we're doing this okay now we're doing this you know my brain it just it just always finds the problem it's like my brain is like a vacuum and it only it's like a room but one of them thing that's vacuums while you're gone you know room but somebody caught you know rumors of those things you turned it on it's

supposed to clean your house while you're out while you're away but there's videos a lot a couple rumors outside you know smoking you know somebody caught two Roomba's fucking outside of the garage so everybody want to talk about how artificial intelligence gonna be the future and everything like that you know mean you got meanwhile you got a you know a Roomba and one of these nest thermostats and they meet and they meeting up outside of the garage and you know cooking up a gram or something or heating up a couple of you know batches of that greenie it's just I mean artificial intelligence is only as good

as the dope it's gonna get into so next time you you know you you and you know you look in the washroom you find some drugs in there something that might not be your husband's your husband's stash how do you know that you know somebody's machines ain't doing this shit you know next time they pull you over and they search your car and they find a you know a couple little sacks of kway ludes or you know in a little mason jar of KY jellies or something preserves preferably because you don't say not like a little bit of chunk in it but uh but just say hey man you don't know what this car does at night I drive this bitch

during the day okay I don't know what this thing it might be you know rolling over there to the Chevrolet dealership and and free basin I don't know what you know I'm saying I don't know but I'm just saying at a certain point artificial intelligence is going to be so smart easily it could get easily it could do drugs so that's that's what I'm saying I read an article the other day they found a toaster that had a couple of them doing dabs so what is that you telling me it just what was this guy talking about sorry did anybody even call I don't even know what's happening um let me take a call right now here we

go onward this is a rigging rigging calling from Tacoma Washington I just got finished listening to the last podcast I think thanks for listening man thanks for your patience you know when it's funny cuz some guy might come in I don't know what this podcast gonna be like I don't know what's gonna happen you know I don't know how I'm feeling I don't know how you're feeling but we keep showing up man I'm grateful for that you know to the person that called earlier it's like you just keep doing it you got to just keep going if you procrastinate and then no matter it's it's a program of action you know existence is a program

of action it's like we can feel and do all these things and talk about how we feel and it's important and it's real but at a certain point you know we have to take action we have to onward let's go brother at the end you're talking about the middle ground that we sort of live in my question is to you or anyone listening if this makes it in how do you change your desires to be sort of positive or good like I want to have both hands on the load and move forward but part of me feels like I like the dark arts if I'm gonna be honest so anyway let me know what you think gang bro you know I feel I feel you right there you know I feel you're right there it's like I want to be I mean I talked about this before I want to be part of

the solution I want to be I want to live in the good space I want to you know I want that freedom that I have that's that people have and it's tough for some eyes for some people than it is for others and unfortunately for me that's you know that's some of my battle and that's okay some people have different battles some people have you know wasps in their house some people you know have trouble battling that you know the the dim elements the dark arts man and and that's me I want to do something bad a lot of times you know I want to be dirty I want to be you know a naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty type of guy

but at the same time there's a bigger thing as a light in me that wants to do that once that wants to be in that wants to be part of the solution okay once you especially if you can be part of this if you're if you can then you can help other people you can be an example you know and I get people send messages a lot of times like hey thank you you know for talking about sobriety and talking about the things you struggle with and and and you're welcome man you're welcome you know it makes me feel I don't know yeah I want to be okay too man it's hard and some of that I think for some of us that's our battle that's our

journey and there has to be a journey in life I think it needs to be I think that's what this this world is it is a it is a fight it is a battle and it's hard sometimes you know it's a hard thing to admit man I was thinking earlier it's hard to admit that I love God man you know and not even knowing sometimes who God is or what it is or but that I love him you know it's hard to admit that because there's this other these other strings man there's these that want to pull you it's just your own will and stuff you want to do and and I'm not saying that like you know some people believe in religion some people

don't and that's that's fine I don't knock anyone that doesn't but but I just know the yeah I struggle I struggle with it you know I feel sometimes like I'm afraid or I think something that holds me back as I'm afraid to go all the way in because I feel like I won't be able to have fun or won't be able to enjoy you know but I know that's not the truth though man but I think being honest with ourselves like you're doing is it's a good part of the journey because then at least whatever powers are out there for good can meet us where we are you know if I'm always standing around saying oh this is where I am and I'm doing great

in this and that and and I'm not realistic then how is the other piece of the puzzle that I need gonna ever match up with me if I keep shape shifting you know if I keep shape shifting my shape to fit you know whatever conversation I'm in or you know I struggle and I don't know man but I like your your thought about being honest about it or something special about that because then whatever the other pieces and you know the whatever the other interactions I need in the world they're gonna help me feel more whole those are gonna be able to meet my ass boy because otherwise if I keep saying oh well this is really

why this is where I'm at and all these things I'm gonna miss them because because that's not really the shape I'm I'm in and I'm in pretty good shape for the shape that I'm in I'm making it that's a Bishop Gunn song thanks for calling man thanks your honesty what else what else don't want to talk about I don't know you know I don't know man I you know I had so much fun this weekend us at the comedy club watching Chris Dalia you know such a stepdaddy though people want to say he's this father figure and he's this and that babies what who's hanging out with babies dude P. D. Lio files that's who do we have an

struggling semi adult adolescent audience right that's where we're at but babies this thing's a crawl off a cliff brah much of sacrificial lambs and that ain't us man we just I don't know what we are man we just a bunch of freaking rats brah but I know a lot of you guys are gonna be out there this weekend taking your children out or taking your friends out or doing something fun and and I hope you just enjoy the experience you know be brave dressing a costume do something kind of fun you know if you're taking your old lady out you know don't have a frown on your face you know trying have a new experience you know

I've had women in my life and I've missed out on the opportunity to to to lift them up you know I was thinking the other day about myself one thing I noticed recently was I've always struggled with them I've never really honored the women in my life you know I've never really honored them I've always for some reason been like ashamed or didn't want to be attached you know I've always had a really a strong block when it came to honoring the women into my life that have been that were important to me and that have been important to me try to think about it for a second I try to feel about it I feel like I mean I just I

think I have a lot of regret when it comes to that I've just never you know I think a lot of times when I was young I was all I was ashamed of my mother you know I was ashamed that you know that she wasn't like this idea I guess of a mother I think I just wish I'd have been stronger to like you know just lift her up just say all you know I'm proud of my mother you know and I think that's a dad's job sometimes to teach the son to do that and and my mom didn't and I weren't very close but but yeah I don't know if I've just I was realizing that the other day I've always struggled with honoring the women in my life it's not

cuz I don't care about them it's just I don't know I think I was just I don't know maybe I was just so self-sufficient at an early age and I you know and I wanted more from a relationship with my mom but I didn't have it or something I don't know or maybe I was just selfish I don't know I'm trying to feel it and I can't really land on anything but I've always whenever it's coming to girlfriend or like you know saying oh this is my girlfriend or this is a girl that I'm seeing it's always been really tough for me you know I always had my mom like dropping me off kind of like you know not by the party wherever we were going

I mean half the time I had to walk to the thing or whatever thing I was going to as well so maybe I was just angry sometimes but yeah I've always struggled with having that just not honoring you know the women in my life just saying hey this is my girlfriend or this is my wife or this is this girl that I'm dating and I'm proud to be with them or I think for me some of it is just commitment I don't want any I don't want you know I like to just do it myself I don't I don't know I just want to be my I just want to be just me and it just gets really tough when you know I don't know it's just

something that honestly for me that's just been kind of haunting me recently it just haunts me because then people it's tougher yeah anyway I was just saying if you have a you know someone you're spending time with you know make sure they know that you're excited to spend time with them you know to have a new moment with them and say look you know I know we you know our lives sometimes get kind of the same and we do this and we do that make them a nice card or something you know just tell them how much you care but like in in a way where they are going to notice it because we need that you know we all

need it and and yeah just for sometimes when I have you know I procrastinate even when it comes to matters of the heart and of the you know um yeah people want to know how much everybody wants to be be cared for I think yeah for me sometimes I was just so worried about being cared for that I forgot to you know I forgot to be the other half of the care in certain environments anyway I don't mean to bring this down at all and it's not down you know that's what happens when the cauldrons brewing and that's what happens when the coffins open and that's what happens when the cats have nine legs and no lives and the

mummies got something in their tummy that's what happens the dark arts are bound and the things that haunt us are there they're right here they're fresh right now they've been in the crisper drawer of the great beyond of the upside down and that door has just been you open the fridge and that door is open and suddenly there's nothing in it because the things that haunt us and the things that scare us and the things that you know that dog whistle that only we can hear because it's some memory from our own past those things are alive right now this is that time it's that time when it's all open and it's all

upside down you guys take care of yourselves huh be good to yourself you deserve it you know be good to yourself you deserve it and and if you made mistakes there'll be so many opportunities to write those you know there will be opportunities to right our wrongs but just hold the line right now it's a tough time you know the skeletons are are here you'll find an extra femur you'll wake up in the morning and find an extra fucking femur in your hand who's is this I don't know but it's that time of year happy Halloween oh this is that one where somebody's getting beaten Jesus oh oh god it's only

two gay guys kind of slapping each other doesn't it Jesus where the hotties at man let me see if I can find something I'm gonna have some chicks in the back this is a dexter hitter right there I like it though I want to thank Brian Johnson studio for these beautiful carvings man you out did yourself and you always do time and time again I want to thank Nick Davis for making this happen I'm making this beautiful set for us today I want to thank you guys for lifting me up and being a part of my life and and man I'm

excited we're gonna put some new dates on the books even gonna slowly kind of wade back into some new stuff got some new material brewing trying to convince a committee a comedian to to do a unique tour with me this summer and go out together so hopefully we'll see what he says but thank you guys you know I love you you know I love you and and we got this there's a beautiful time of year a beautiful time of year you know for us there's a lot we can do so if you struggle with something just hold the line we got this I'm having one more that's it just cuz my heart's starting to beat fast

mmm my god they are good what is in them dude what is inside a set inside of Snickers dude cigarettes they are good man gang