Three Bean Salad - Un-episode-isode

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December).Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Hello, we're not here. It is November and we're having November off. It is November. We'll be doing other things. Well, it's been, yeah. Well, Pam turned, turned four at the end of October. So November for me is a big clear up job. Cause she's cause she does a store. She stores up her tests for four years as her breed.

Isn't it? She's four years of times. That's right. In one go that's what it's cause it's over breeding. They say it's the visual hibernation turds. She doesn't have a hibernation turds. Yeah. That has to include a leap, a leap turd as well.

So that's why it's a four year thing. And it's a four year thing. And of course, cause she's four and dog years that's she's um, she's 16. So it's her prom. Isn't it her prom coming up? Well, it's a, it's all wrapped up. It's prom it's canine driving license. All of this stuff is happening very much at the same time.

Of course, because she got out of college. Incredible to think how recent it was you bought her and soon you're going to be waving her off. She'll be driving her home, won't she? Off to university. Off to Nottingham Trent University. Off to Nottingham Trent University. Yeah. And probably ending up sticking on for an extra year to do the MA because she's not

quite sure. It's difficult, isn't it, these days, in the job market? Just to buy time. But that's okay. Yeah, that's fine. As long as you're passionate about the subject. Yeah. Isn't it these days in the job market? Just to buy time. But that's okay. Yeah, that's fine. As long as you're passionate about the subject. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it?

Education is never wasted unless you're doing geography. In which case it's completely wasted. Because the world is now a digisphere more than it is a physis, physisphere, isn't it? Well, she's not worried about that because she's obviously that generation, she's a digital native. That's right. Yeah. She's a digital native. You know, she's a gen Z dog. Very much so. Now is she, cause she wasn't clear what was it last time I talked to her, whether she wanted to do French and business studies or just business studies.

Cause with French says the year abroad isn't there? But in dog years, that's only three months for us. So does she do the full year? Does she just spend a season abroad? When a year abroad for her is no, no, isn't that it's four months for us. So does she do the full year? Does she just spend a season abroad? Well, a year abroad for her is, isn't that four years for us. Oh, I see. It'll be like seven years. It's like having seven years abroad.

So they have to compact it into two months and it starts to get complicated. But then if it's the wrong two months, does that impact on your business study course and so on? And is French that, I mean, is that the, I mean, should it, should she go back and get like an A level in Mandarin first and do, do business studies with Chinese? I mean, what's the future really? Is it, is it worth doing French? So she's really not sure, but it depends. If she can get the lacrosse scholarships, then I think she'll probably will choose the language. If not,

then I think she'll just stick to the three year business studies degree. Yeah. Well, that's why you've had her doing lacrosse cause it helps you actually helps you get in, doesn't it? a studies degree. Yeah. Well, that's why you've had her doing lacrosse because it helps you. She helps you get in, doesn't it? If you're good at lacrosse. It's an under, under, under subscribed sport.

Um, but you've still got to perform and at Nottingham Trent is huge. So yeah, I mean, that's my November. Look forward to, um, seeing you all again in December though. Eh? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, we're here to say we're not here for the month of November, we're back in December. If you want some more beans in your life, why not check out our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash three bean salad.

And probably there's a Henry Packer book out you could read as well if you had all the time. What's that one Henry? What's going on? Dexter Proctor, the 10 year old doctor. Which is very, I've read that, it's excellent. That's in bookshops, great Christmas present. Mike's in a movie. Mike's in a bloody movie.

Yeah am I. Will that still be in the cinema though? I wouldn't have thought, I don't know, I've no idea. I think I'm in it for about three seconds, but I don't know. The movie is called Time Stalker. Time Stalker, I haven't actually seen it. I'm seeing it tomorrow and I can't wait. Oh good.

Yeah. She's really brilliant though, the filmmaker behind it. Alice Lowe. Alice Lowe. Yeah. I can't wait to see it. Can I also shout out a TV show that I've got nothing to do with? Yeah, go on.

Please do. There's a show on iPlayer called The Golden Cobra. Oh yeah. It's an animated sitcom made by some people from Ebbw Vale. And I've got no skin in this game whatsoever, but it's really great. I'll have a look at that for sure. They just made it themselves. No, it's for the BBC. I mean, they did make it themselves, but only in the same way that everyone makes everything themselves. What do you mean?

I meant as in like a kind of like when South Park started, it was quite a kind of like What do you mean? I meant as in like a kind of like when South Park started, it was quite a kind of like, like homespun operation. Yes. Yes. So yeah, it's all animated by one guy, I think as far as I know. And it's rather than a sort of studio of 8000 people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it looks, it looks rudimentary, but in a charming and funny way rather than a crap way. Yeah, it's really funny. Lovely. Also, can I just say, well, we're showers, shout outs, we're not being I'm not being paid for this. But genuinely, I think Kleenex when it comes to like a small pocketable, like a sort of day a day hankie. Yeah. The small packs of Kleenex. You're on the original. I can see that. What's that?

You're on the original. I see that you've not really infused with any balms. It's not this one's not this one's not infused. Madam, I'm, I'm afraid I'm even more original than that. Are you wearing a manky old pair of underpants? It's a handkerchief. That's like the proper like hanky on the head old man on the beach type. It's the it's the faulty, not the faulty, it's the Monty Python like, yeah. Don't leave home without it. Do you use that for your hanky stuff? Yeah. So what do you do with it then? I'm never without a hanky. What do you mean? I wash it and I use it again.

But how often are you like washing it? Is it new one daily? Oh minimum, yeah. So you've got a whole washing system. I know that's just unthinkable. I just can't believe what I'm hearing. You've got the old manky hanky system. It's not a manky hanky, it's freshly laundered, isn't it? It's full of your DNA in the most horrible way imaginable.

Yeah, but then I put it in my pocket, it's not bothering anyone. That really feels to me like something out of the 1950s. Never without it. We have never physically spent time together when I have not had a handkerchief in my pocket. It hasn't happened. That's incredible. But I tell you what, what is better about Mike's system is than mine is I leave a trail of small bits of cleanness and tissue paper wherever I go.

Yeah. So you would be the Huntsman's first, you would be the Huntsman's child, they'd warm up on you. Are you talking about in a sort of Snow White version of Snow White where it's me instead of Snow White? It's you'd be so easy to track. The things you can track me but once you find found me you don't know who I am whereas you can you can't track you but if I did bump into your backs and I could tell you were from your DNA on your on your hanky do you mean you're carrying around your own? Okay. Does that make any sense? Not really. It's it's specious at best, I would say. Hello, I interrupt this episode that's mainly us plugging things with a little section that we wanted to add in later that's also plugging things. Right, Mike here. I'm going to drag you into the plug zone, please, if you don't mind.

As we enter the bean-free November period, I've got some hot tips for a couple of alternative forms of entertainment starting with this Friday 8 p.m. the 8th of November 2024 we have the beginning of Junior Taskmaster on Channel 4 the latest edition to the Extended Taskmaster Universe starring Rose Matafeo as the junior taskmaster and myself as her noble assistant. Huge line of fun to make, absolutely loved it, hope you like it too, please tune in. Also being aired on Saturday afternoons I think and obviously on the channel for streaming service. Also if you like your audiobooks, if you like your sci-fi, if you like your comedy, then for

the love of God get stuck into Daniel Rigby's newest book on Audible. You may remember some time ago there was the release of Daniel Rigby's Isaac Steel and the Forever Man, which is completely superb and is one of the funniest books I've ever listened to in my entire life. The sequel is now out, which I've also just listened to and it is utterly, utterly superb. Genuinely laugh out loud, genuinely nearly made me crash my car repeatedly. And that one is called Isaac's Steal and the best idea in the universe. It is utterly brilliant. Get stuck in on Audible. Yes, please.

Back to the show. I mean, if we're doing shout outs, I'm going to shout out grapes. Okay. So we've got, we've got disposable tissues by Kleenex, Hankies and grapes. I had some grapes this week and I was like, why am I eating these all the time every day? And were you like, is it a coincidence these things rhyme with great? Because I didn't think it is. They're not grapes, aren't they?

There is. I mean, Ben's not wrong. There's a certain type of green grape at the moment that's got a real crunchy autumnal freshness to it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm eat small beetroots that he keeps in his pocket. Seasonal fruits. I've got some very crunchy pears and lots of apples at the moment. That's what we're dealing with. Seasonal fruits. You keep it totally seasonal, don't you, Mike? Oh yeah. And because of that, Mike doesn't brush his teeth.

Because you've never seen a beaver brush its teeth. And like a beaver, Mike just has one central bright orange tooth. It's fantastically strong. It's incredibly strong. It could cut through a Ford Escort in no time. Yeah. You can pick locks with it, can't you? You can do all kinds of stuff with it.

Just eat quite through them. Anyway, I can't remember what we were talking about or where we were talking about this. We had a great list of recommendations. I think that is plenty for them to get on with in November. And while they're getting on with all those recommendations, they can also sign up to the Patreon if they fancy. And here's a little taster of a bit of last month's Patreon only bonus episode. Basically it's an 11 hour flight.

I sat next to, so I was on the window seat next to me, there was a woman between me and the aisle. She didn't go for a piss once in 11 hours. She raw dogged it hard. She raw dogged it hard. That's amazing. So I managed to do that entire flight with just one toilet trip, which I'm quite pleased and pleased about, but I kept on waiting for her to go. She never went. Was she crying tears of piss? I thought it was just she was reacting to Marley and me, but I think it was. I thought it was just she was reacting to Marley and me, but I think it was. It may have been tears of piss.

Did you watch any films on the flight? I did watch films on the flight. So I watched, see what you think of my film choices. So I watched four films. Good haul. On a long flight films are, I've forgotten this, it's been a long time since I've done a really long flight, but films are brilliant for eating up the time. You've just got to go with films. It's the

only way. I mean, obviously I love novels and prose, to me. And tone poems. I love tone poetry. On a coatstrip, yes, tone poetry, of course. Tone poetry. So if I could have, I would have loved nothing more than to have just been sucking on the sweet, sweet, cerebral teat that is Shakespeare's sonnet sequences. I would have loved nothing more than reading sonnets, but they were unfortunately, my sonnets were all in my rucksack, they're in the overhead locker and the woman wasn't moving. So I thought it was easy to just watch four films. Are you mixing up the genre of your films?

I was yeah. So I went with... Yeah, take us through it. So first of all, I watched a film which I had recommended to me called First Goal Wins. Yeah, is that a Taika Waititi film? Yeah. Yeah, really enjoyed it. It's probably quite a good feel good kind of factor. Really good feel good. Next Goal Wins, sorry. Yeah. Really good feel good film. It's probably quite a good feel good kind of factor really good feel good next goal wins. Sorry. Yeah Really good feel good film. It's got a fast bender in it playing a light-hearted role Okay, it's very silly quite, you know light light fare

I mean, I've cut your arm off for a bloody copy of the Caramath of brothers at that point obviously Because I actually find words easier than images. I mean I prefer reading I. I find reading is, for me, reading is watching a film. But you're the director. But I'm the director. And you also play all the parts. I play all the parts, exactly. Your Anna Karenina was just. My Anna Karenina was unbelievable.

Now, I see books as a basic, an entirely subtitled film. Then I watched a film called Live, Die, Repeat. Very good films. Absolutely brilliant. Do you know about this film? Noived I Repeat. Very good films. Absolutely brilliant. Do you know about this film? No, I've never heard of it. It's a sort of time... Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise.

Time travel, kind of alien war time travel. Really good. I then watched four, which I think you're not going to believe this, for the first time of my life, Home Alone. Get it Christmasy. get the Christmas feeling going. I think I could have had 850 guesses and I still wouldn't have watched Home Alone. I'd never seen Home Alone, I was like, I'm going to watch Home Alone. Did you enjoy it?

I quite liked Home Alone. I think, I'm going to say mid to late 40s probably isn't the time to first intersect with it as a film. I've tried and intersect earlier. On your way home from a summer holiday. Desperately, desperately needing a piss. I really liked it. I've got a slight problem with the film Home Alone, which is the set up was really good.

So he's in this big family, there's loads of them. You know the film. They're all going on holiday, he gets left behind. Is it a safeguarding concern? No. Okay. Not my problem. So yeah, he feels a bit left out in this family because there's so many of them. He's not getting enough attention and stuff. And he's kind of like all the older siblings make fun of him and stuff he's he's got then he wishes

he wants to stay at home or he wishes to never have a family he wants I wish I'd never had a family or whatever so then this thing happens which is a brilliant idea for a kid to imagine for a kid to imagine what is what is like what would be like if I didn't have a family with just me it's brilliant idea and then halfway through the film the rate the way comes up with solutions and stuff to the problems of the roses, he's amazingly good at contraptions. He's brilliant at contraptions. He makes those contraptions.

He's brilliant at contraptions. It's all about contraptions. He makes incredible contraptions. Is that fair? Why is he good at contraptions? So you didn't like the Heath Robinson angle? Well, I just like came out of nowhere just suddenly, oh, this kid is incredible at contraptions. No one's mentioned contraptions.

There's nothing to do with contraptions, and then suddenly the whole film is contraptions. Like he's got the entire dinner party made of contraptions of people going around on roller skates and stuff, like where the fuck is contraptions going for? He's a natural born weapons engineered genius. Yeah, but it's just not set up in any way. Anyway. But apart from that, strong film.

So would it be stronger if, at the beginning, all his brothers and sisters were like, Kevin, why are you so obsessed with making contraptions all the time, you loser? Is that what you were after? It's now a five star film. It's gone from three to five stars with that. I think so. I think that's literally all it needs. Just to have a bit of, because why is he incredible at contraption? I mean, he's not just good at contraptions, he's absolutely incredible at contraption. And devious, sadistic. And devious and sadistic. Yeah. But all those things weren't really set out. Yeah. Yes, we should have seen him reading a book about siege weapons and stuff, shouldn't we? And other kids' toys falling apart because he's pinched a sprocket from out of something.

Exactly. Or maybe we should have seen that he was born on the same day that that Rube Goldberg died. Yes, yes, Rube Goldberg. I know who Rube Goldberg is exactly. I like it, it's an idea. He's the American Heath Robinson. How do I not know that? How do you not know Rube Goldberg? You'd be into it. Is he an illustrator? He was also the founding member and first president of the National Cartoonist Society. There we go. Oh my god. He's your guy. He's right out of your street, Henry. I do. I'm looking at it. I like it.

I mean, I do. I do love Heath Robinson. Oh, that's brilliant. So yeah. Next film. I'm trying to remember what the other film was. It was number four. I think so.

What have we had? It was next going to like a coming of age thing. It's about the international football team of a small island nation in the Pacific underdog story, sporting movie. We've got sports underdog action. So we've got a sporting movie, we've got sports underdogs, action adventure, we've got family comedy. What's next? Biopic?

I hate biopic, so it wasn't going to be a biopic. What else is there? Musical? I quite like musicals, but I didn't think it was musical. Kitchen sink drama? Really worthy Mike Lee film? Finish off your holiday? No, it wasn't those.

I was basically by myself, so there was no one to be impressed by it. Yeah, so there's absolutely no reason to watch a Mike Lee film. There's literally, you've taken away the reason for Mike Lee to exist. Mike Lee's just gone, poof, disappeared into thin air.

And what's that I can see behind him? It's the face of Tom Cooke. It's Jerry Bruckheimer. Yeah. He's hoving interviews. He's on a motorbike. But I tell you one thing which did happen that was quite funny, which is this, this, this happens on flights. It's a famous thing about flies anyway, but you end up watching other people's time. I'm the same time. Yeah. And no dialogue like Harry Potter film for most of the fight. For a lot of the time I was fascinated by it. There's no

dialogue. And also, it was quite funny, the woman next to me started watching Home Alone and never credited me. We both know this isn't a coincidence. There's no way you've independently, we've both chosen Home Alone run but I got no credit. For more of that kind of thing patreon.com forward slash three beans salad. All right, until next time. Goodbye. See you soon. Ta-ra. Thank you. Bye. Thanks for watching!