Threedom - And It's All Nudes

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

Lauren, Paul, and Scott discuss class rings, uber eats disputes, and the mystery beeping before answering a listener voicemail. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's morning in New York. Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grady. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Hey, what's up, flies. This is David Spade. Dana Carvey. Look at it. I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall. Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on video.

Every Thursday, you'll hear us and see us chatting with big-name celebrities. And every Monday you're stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips. Follow and listen to Fly on the Wall everywhere you get your podcast. Three-up! I won't miss it this time. Are you, did you miss it just now? No, I didn't.

Did you win it? You missed it, you ass-hat. I did miss it. As-hat? Why, freedom! Oh, and then you still managed to pull it together to say it on time. Where did an ass hat come from? I don't know, but I like it.

I don't think I do like it. All right. Do you know what word is now disgusting to me? What's a robust? Why? Because of the bust part? Because you like them small titty. What do you think of when you think of that?

The IBTC. Enigmas. I... I know about it. Oh, you do, Lauren? From a book. The dictionary. Oh, by the way.

There's a picture of your tits there. That's the one thing we've been able to do on our HagClaims 8.com. Novelty dictionary. We are restoring the novelty dictionary. You can put someone's picture up next to IBTC. Yes. Titty committee. Currently we have Lauren's picture up there.

But I don't, I don't choose. representative and I think that it's actually disrespectful. Oh, okay. Well, I'll take it down. I mean, you're the person who put it up. I did put it up, but I felt disrespected when I did so. I just thought I feel like it's stolen valor. Wow, because there's people

who are flatter. Yes. Yes. And there's always someone flattered. They deserve to be on that committee. Yeah, they do. It's an ad hoc committee. We also should mention it. I am privileged and I'm a cup. And that's what's up. I am privileged and I'm a cuck.

Um, I just don't, I don't know what it is about it, but I've been hearing it a lot lately and I've decided I don't like it. Okay. You've been hearing it a lot lately? I've been reading it. A robust amount of vegetables. A robust. A robust. A robust.

Robust opposition. A robust rotisserie chicken. That's kind of what I think of. Really? I think it has row, row your boat. Gently down the street. There you go. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. I would not be shocked if that was how someone's TED talk started or ended.

Just the way you did that, you know, you know, it's both. You know it's both. Yeah. You know they start with and they end with it. And they end with them, like, everyone's like, whoa. And in between those boring shit you can imagine. Can we get rid of Ted talks? You know what, no.

Please. People need them. Including the cartoon about the bear. People need them. Yeah. Yeah. Ted, who talks. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, like, if we have to get rid of that to get rid of Ted Talks, I'll take it. Look, we've already gotten rid of Ted Kennedy. He talked right. Teddy Ruxpin? Teddardt talked. Did he talk? Yes, he did. Teddy Roosevelt.

He definitely talked. He talked. Yeah. He's gone. He's, hey, rest in peace, King. Rest in peace, king. Rest in power, Theodore Roosevelt. Is he a good guy or a bad guy?

Probably mostly bad. They're all bad. I mean, the national parks. give us the national parks that's a good point he gave us those that's just i think that was his thing right that was his idea no i'm just saying that's great who gave us nashiri who gave us national parks i found this on the web yeah that's what really you're fucking bitch stop talking about that how did you get there i found this on the web yeah i know that's where i wanted you to find it i thought you were the web idiot you fucking bitch okay let me talk about the national

because they were envisioned by artist George Catlin. What? And naturalist John Muir, who lobbied for their protection. However, the actual national park system began with the establishment of Yellowstone National Park in 1872 by President Ulysses S. Grades. And was formally established with the creation of the National Park Service by President Woodrow Wilson in 1916. Guess who's not mentioned.

TR had jack shit to do with this. Yeah. And yet he gets credit. From me. I just went along with it. I was like, yep. And that's where I need to learn. I should have asked Jess.

Oh, wait, but then here's something on NPS.gov, Theodore Roosevelt, and the National Park System. He was often called the conservation president because he impacted the national park system well beyond his term in office. He doubled the number of sites within it. He established five new national parks. Including Black sites.

Crater Lake. Yep. Oregon. Wind Cave, South Dakota, Sully's Hill, North Dakota, and Area 15. Hey, are you okay? What? Area 15. 51?

51. It was a lesser known. Area 15 is just like, we found some weird people. We make them live here. These guys don't look right. They just have a weird pony. So I think he had something to do with it. By the way, his birthplace is a national historic site in New York.

It's like, come on, guys. Real estate in New York is a little too precious to be just like blocking off. Is it a hospital? I don't know. Speaking of. Yeah, it should be a hospital. Speaking of weird ponytails. I'm sure it was old.

Speaking of weird ponytails? I heard from a friend of mine that there's a comedy writer who refers to the creative arts emies as the male ponytail awards. Oh my God. That's funny. That's crazy. It's crazy. It's literally insane.

That's crazy. Absolutely bananas. Don't you have a word that you just hate for some reason? Yes, of course. Which one? Let me think. I mean, here's a word I have, I also have words that I have love, hate relationship with, the word refreshment. Refreshment, really.

Yeah. It, it, it harkens me back to playing little league baseball and going to the refreshment. It makes you think of a little kid, being a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. It is an emasculating word. Like, oh, I'm going to get some refreshments. I don't mind refreshments.

It sounds classy. I don't know what it is about it that bothers me. Yeah. But would you ever say I'm going to get refreshments like in the middle of the day? I would say it to put a little like flare on what I'm doing. I'm going to get some refreshments and then I'll step out. That might give a little joy to those. Try it next week.

I'll try it next Thursday. Okay. You're going to get some refreshments. So you come back with one cheese and cracker. Yeah. And then they say, is that a refreshment? Well, what do you think a refreshment is? Let's open up this dialogue.

How many refreshments are actually refreshing? Because I think refreshments, when I hear that, I think soda and popcorn. Yeah. I think of cool things. So I do think of like a soda. Of course, I think of mince because mint sounds like mint. Yeah. Of course.

You know, I think of toothpaste. Well, the refreshment, which mint is that double mint refreshment? You know, there's one that's refreshment. There's double mint gum. Of course. There is that. There's like, that's the statement of the great mint and double mint. And then there's one with refreshment.

Sure. Well, there's the fresh maker, of course. Of course. Mentos. Do you remember when Smince had a chokehold on all of us? Not really. I think I've maybe had one smint in my life. I was in a chokehold by smiths.

Okay. Smins had me in a chokehold. Please stop saying. They were small, like slightly hard shells. They were small, yeah. Triangles. They were smooth. Oh, triangles.

And they would, you'd click them out of them. Like the Bermuda ones. There were lemon mint smints that were by favorite. and then we would eat them like candy and in middle school We didn't eat them like candy And in middle school That was very popular to have smiths

Oh I see Well in middle school When you were in middle school I think I was an adult And so you didn't give a fuck about smiths But they were still Popular like mince They were I remember when they were popular

I didn't remember Was that a status symbol for you To like what candy you were eating Like oh I have the good candy And this person can't afford If I'm clicking smints out of my clicker then you know shit's going well. If I'm clicking smiths on my clicker.

Then you know shit is going well. I saw someone do that in Mexico in Tijuana. Wow. That must have been cool. Did you catch it in your mouth? I remember in high school there was like a little counter in the cafeteria, a little window. Now serving. Number three.

Special little snacks. Special little snacks and also, of course, school merch. Did you get like muffins? Oh, yeah. You know, like those plastic wrapped muffins and stuff. I did not get that, but here's what I did get. And I don't remember the name of it. But there was a sort of white chocolatey nougat bar.

A blue package. And I don't remember the name. Whoa, I have no clue what you're talking about. But that was a candy bar that was kind of good and also disgusting at the same time. Yeah. I don't remember it. Yeah. Isn't that insane school merch?

to be proud of an elementary school. I want school. Elementary school. I was talking in high school. But I had a t-shirt of like the vessels, Vikings and stuff like that. I think I had a holy cross t-shirt. But you know what I mean? It's like, oh, yeah, I lived in this one area and this was the closest school to me.

I guess, yeah, and you're, when you're a kid, like, yeah, I guess there is like a weird default pride that you have. Pride in anything is weird. Is it a zero bar? It might be a zero bar. No, that might be more new. I don't know. I can't tell.

God damn. I can't write the name of it. Oh, wait. Okay. It wasn't, it wasn't. Let me look at it. That top. That top.

It might have, it might have been the zero bar. Let's find out when that was made. It might be current. That might be more of some crazy ass. At this point, we don't know. We need more information. We need more intel. Do you have a high school ring?

Did you have a high school ring? No, they were really trying to sell those to everybody. And I definitely looked at the catalog and was like, Johnston's. Oh, okay. This is, I think that what were they, 150 bucks or something like that. Something like that, yeah. And I could, I couldn't even afford to go to prom my senior year. So it was like, there's no way I'm getting a ring. What are you even supposed

to do with that? No, I didn't have that. I had one. You still have it. You get sized for it and you're supposed to wear it for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life. Yeah. Your high school ring. Insanity. This is where I went to high school. This was four years of my life a million years ago. Yeah. Also, it was just like by default. You don't even have to graduate to get it. You can just order it once you're in high school. It's, It's like, it's not like winning the Super Bowl. Yeah. I could have dropped out once I got the ring.

Yeah. Like, I have a perfect clown the system. Everyone thinks I went there. I remember my mother because I was like, please help me by this ring. You never met my mother. But what are you saying? Me, you remember, sir.

I'm your father. Luke. Look. Look. I'm your brother. Look. Epic callback. Yep.

Epic. My mother was like, you're never going to wear this again. You never got to wear it. You're a crazy old woman. So you got one. I got one. And where is it now? It's in a...

It's on your pinky toe. I bought a case to put it in. Oh my gosh. It's a world series ring. It's in your possession, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on my desk right now. Do you buy the case more recently?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when I found the ring in a box of shit. You were like, I want to give this. I have to give this. This is a hubris that I must give a special display to. Is it something you would. wear ever. Like, like, does it look good enough that you would go like, oh, let me, let me wear this?

I, I mean, it looks like a high school ring. So then, you know what? There's no mistaking. Does the, does the fact that it's in a case and you can see it every once in a while that makes you nostalgic? Does that give you pleasure? It doesn't even make me nostalgia. I actually think if you.

Why do you have it? It gives me pleasure as a stupid thing. I think if you wore it, that would be disgusting. Exactly. Like, there would be something so strange about. about it. Yeah. Well, you should put it on and go to local high schools ago. I went to one of these. Hey, everybody. Hey, just see them. This could be you. If this just grants you access into any high school. Yeah, exactly. This could be you. Weird guys standing outside wearing a ring

from the high school. Oh, see. Any, pass out under a scanner. Any school play that I want to see. Wouldn't that be great to be able to go to any school play? Would it be? I think you can. I mean, they sell tickets. Um, but yeah, pride in, even pride in a high school. I don't know. I guess that I guess if you're competing in some sort of competition. I think it's okay to have pride in your age. I think school spirit is nice. Mathematics. It's nice to

connect with something. I guess. Yeah, it's fine. I think it's great. I mean, it's good. I guess while you're there. I think it's nice. Afterwards, what are you doing? And well, I've gotten more into you know, last time I was home, I bought some merch from my town. You got more into your town. I got more into my town. I got some magnets for my fridge. I got a pendant.

But I think there's a difference between being like, oh, wow, I used to live in this place and it evokes these feelings than being like school spirit. Like, we're the best. Yeah. I mean, I have, I do have hometown pride and there's something that's very enjoyable and comforting to me about it. You spend so much of your time there. Yeah. It's where I'm from. Which I guess you spend a lot of time in high school, too.

But only four years. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think there's, there's a right and wrong way to go about it. Yeah. You're doing it the right way? I'm right. They're wrong.

Do you think people have had prison pride? Like, if they sold prison rings? Probably. I think you would if you were like, I went to that one. Because you have a little bit of like a, you know, like I survived. I'm a raw way state prison man. It's just four cartons of cigarettes for this ring. I'm getting it.

As Kurt Vonnegut's had, Grand Faloons. It's expensive ring called them. What did he call Granfaloons? Cigarettes? No, Grand Faloons are these clusters of people. They're face. bonds between people of like oh we're both from Indiana oh wow wow I haven't read any when people don't have anything in common uh cats cradle that's great I read them all when I was

yeah went in high school and I discovered that I was like this is a devoured devoured I just watched the Breakfast of Champions movie that's all I've never seen that it's terrible I'm sure it's Jerry Lewis no that's it's Bruce Bruce Willis what oh right I forgot about that. And I think I had just read it in the 90s when it came out and then it got such bad reviews. I never watched it. What was the Jerry Lewis one?

You're thinking of the Nuddy Professor. I'm pretty sure. I think that was the Clumps. The Clumps, yeah. What if Jerry Lewis had to do the clumps when he was alive? Like the new Nuddy Professor came out. It was such a huge deal that he was like, you know what? I'm going to remake it with myself doing the clumps.

And then he did Herculeles. Slapstick of another kind. Oh, wasn't that a Star Wars parody? I mean, from the poster, it looks like it. But it is based on a Kurt Vonnegut. It is, which one? Yes. I believe Slapsstick of another kind.

Slapstick was a book. Yes. I saw Jerry Lewis speak once, and he came out, got big applause. And then the interviewer who had done so much research and talked about how the book Jerry Lewis wrote about direct. was his favorite book of all time. He asked, like, the first question, Jerry Lewis is like, what? That's a stupid question.

And then he asked another question. He's like, God, these questions are terrible. Then he asked another question. He's like, you know what? I'm not going to listen to you anymore. Your questions are awful. I'm just going to take questions from the audience. And then the moderator had to sit there the entire show, not speaking.

It was. What a nice guy. I would love to know what the questions were. They were, like, specific questions about. about his process and stuff. What's your favorite letter of the alphabet? Yes. Zad.

Gotta go Q. And you know why. Oh. Where we go. Where we go one, we go, Oh, white squall. There actually was a reason.

There was a reason? That you pick Q that he would know. Yeah. I thought it was just a joke. And then you both sang a song together. I love that you don't know anything about this stuff. I honestly, do is it i honestly do i i i hate that we know yeah so much about this stuff what is it that you

know uh we'll tell you during the break cue anon shakespeare shakespearean moon anon anon exuant i think i obsessed with the movie white squall cue anon is yes you know this is where this is where reddit will go like morin doesn't know anything no you shouldn't know about it to know about that. That's what I'm saying. You shouldn't know about it. And I don't need to know about that. And I hate that we do.

Yeah. I'm not happy about knowing it. Yeah. Yeah. That's my fault. And I'm not happy I even have, have even perused the Reddit. But I have. Oh, you mean the Reddit specifically.

Yeah. I meant most of the Internet. The Reddit. No, Reddit generally. My Reddit's actually getting really weird. My Reddit like, I guess. Because you're a Reddit household. I have gotten into Reddit within the last four months or so probably that I've actually

kind of look at it as a social. media check-in kind of thing. But it does this thing where like, I guess it's the algorithm of Reddit, but it's like, it'll suggest things if you had opened a thread that's that, now you like this. If somebody sent this to you and you're like,

oh, look at this. Then you start getting suggestions. Or even if you get suggestions, and I'm like, what is this? It'll be like an Uber eats dispute. And I'm like opening it. What is an Uber? Oh, someone has a dispute with. Someone's mad with the driver and so I opened it and I'm like, what

this and I'm like I don't actually care and then suddenly I'm like getting all that and no matter how many times I mute and unsubscribe and whatever it doesn't matter and I get a lot of them for like male grooming and being bald and stuff and I'm like it's like really disturbing because like it's just men posting no it's like I don't know something that I've clicked has nothing to think like care and sometimes I open it because I'm like what the fuck is this guy posting anybody tried dude wipes yeah yeah honestly it's like that's like male hygiene and then like a guy who's like posting like a zoomed in picture of his like rashy beard and I'm like oh like what is this shit am I dying yeah yeah I can't get it back I'm sort of like I almost I think I have to start

over it's so messed up start over it's like every single thing I don't care about can you do a reset of your algorithm on any I don't know if I just deleted it and sort of like people will be like who do I look like they want their celebrity doppel going or I get tons of those then I get like what's wrong with me and like then people like you need to cut your hair and it's like there's like So I want to post a picture of themselves and they're like, what's wrong with me? How can I be better looking? And they're like, you need to do this, this, this. And actually, I find it very heartwarming because usually the suggestions are very genuine and they're good.

Like, it's like, oh, your haircuts a little bit like, not good for your shape of your face. Like, you should do this or whatever. He's not going for the shape of your face. Yeah. And like, and then they're like, get a body scrub that does this. Like good advice you have like an older sibling or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice.

Yeah, it's all nudes. And like. And it's all nudes. And so that's nice, but I'm like, I actually don't want to be looking at that. Even though I do think it's nice, I don't care. When you're reading a Reddit thread and then you realize, wait, I don't give a shit. Yeah. I'm 10 comments deep in this and I don't care about the subject.

Now, speaking of Uber eats disputes, do you have a new groomer? I. Dog, dog, not male. I did reach. So my groomer doesn't know this yet. because now they want to take my groomman doesn't know this after their car broke down

I think I told her the truck broke down and stuff then they wanted to come on the weekend and then I was like but that's in the middle of my day I'm gonna be doing stuff and so then I'm like no and then they're kicking it

to the end of the month I'm going well now she's gonna be a stinky rat I'm like I can't there has to be some other solution for this so I posted my Instagram close friends asking if anyone had suggestion and I got a few suggestions

and I texted me yesterday and I haven't heard back and so that's where I'm Can I say, yeah, I'm proud to be in that green circle. Thank you. I am too. And I proudly heart those pictures of Holly. That's nice.

I do every time. Yeah, what about Gigi? Not Gigi. Yeah, you're not on board with Tiki. I'm iffy. Bodyway? Yeah. But did you see this one?

Your iffy body weight? Ah, Gigi. That's like, you know, I want to smoo-ish. Look, we have to take a break. Pop Quiz Hot Shot. You know how some things are just better together? Peanut butter and chocolate? Beyonce and Jay-Z.

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Quince.com slash freedom. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? Okay. Can I tell you and you'll stop asking me? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? If I tell you, will you stop asking?

Why don't you try and find out? No, actually. Why don't you try and find out? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? I don't promise anything. What are you looking at? If I tell you, will you stop asking me?

Probably not. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? Now you recall. Do you recall? The most famous epoxy men of all. I commissioned a countertop. Oh, yes.

For my office. Wow. And this gentleman said, yes, I will be there between seven and eight tomorrow. Yes. That was one week ago. That's an insane time. And that was his idea.

His idea. I just want to say to make someone get up at 6 a.m. Yeah. But also, why are you, why would you ever promise a window of one hour? I know. And then absolutely not make it at all. Not even make it for days.

Not show up for days. so we kept checking over them every day like hey how's it going he was like probably tomorrow and then it wasn't happening now we have not paid him any money so this is on him

sure right so he's out in materials but your shelf is withering away yeah well it's not there without the strength of a class ring is perilously close to falling off it's a countertop so there's just it's the

the cabinet underneath is just open I can't put anything on there Although honestly I would prefer that Than having to bend over to open doors all the time God I'd rather I always rather dip into boxes

Everything's so low in your house Like all of our cabinets Well at least where Coolup has decided to put everything That we use every day She's short I know but I have to bend I know but my house has become a maze

Like an obstacle course I know Mike and I I feel unwittingly you know, put everything high and now whenever there's a short person they're very like, why is I can't reach the glasses.

I can't reach glasses. Well, you should be serving them anyway. You got, you gotta put me on your knees so I can climb up. I think a lot of the baby stuff is short so she can get at it. That's fine, but I'm, I think. But every day I have to get an orange juice cup

and I have to bend over so low. All my kid stuff is low. Yeah. That's weird. What's weird? To get the orange juice cup. you have to bend over solo. Oh, okay.

You bend over a solo. I think of glasses as high. Well, we're talking about a cup for a child. Yeah. Okay. So maybe stop focusing on your epoxy text and listen to what the fuck we're talking about. Now, granted, I'm not a parent, but I also don't have my head up my ass. So I put a cup up where the glasses are.

Yeah, well, it's plastic and it goes down low. So what's happening on the phone? Now at least, by the way. Why wouldn't the glass go down low because then there's less chance of it breaking and then the plastic goes up high? There's more chance of it breaking. It's a bit breaking because... This is what I'm saying. There's more chance of it breaking because you're bending, you're stumbling, you're throwing it down

because you're going to get your balance back because you always have to go so low to get it. Okay. I'm not a weirdo? So that's not a problem for me. You guys have to stop. No, we don't. And what happened? Now at least Emmy is saying, can I pick my cup and she gets it?

So it's like we finally cross that threshold now where I don't have to bend over every morning. So low. But then to feed the dogs, they needed slow. Everything's so low at our house. Put stuff up high. Dog food is going to be low. Oh, I have to get more dog food. I keep forgetting.

Okay, so this guy, he is making this. I wanted a, first I wanted a metal countertop. Metal. Metal. Not a medal. But that is so wildly expensive to get something like that made. Why? Because metal is expensive?

Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Did you want it to be gold? Is that the metal? Yeah. I wanted to be solid gold. 24 carrots.

Yeah. And turns out that costs a pretty penny. Then I thought, make it out of pennies. Yes. But you'll be surprised. How many pennies it takes? Those pennies add up to dollars. Mm-hmm.

Dollars. Dollars and pounds. So we found this epoxy kit. Mm-hmm. Where you can make it look like marble. You can make it look like metal. Oh, yes. Spacey.

What is it? The thing's embedded in that. What material does it start out as? Are you ready for this? Flywood. It starts as plywood? No, you put plywood, then you put epoxy on. Yes.

Right. And then it looks metal. It looks metal. Science! No, I need to do this to one of my windowsills. It's been cracked and ravaged by the sun. Cracked and ravaged by the sun. But you put an epoxy on the wood.

So you found this, and then now what's the update? So we contacted this guy who does epoxy stuff. Okay. And he was like, this is going to take another three weeks. He said, yeah, we'll come out there and we'll, you know, sand the plywood and put the epoxy and install it. It'll be a day. Be there between seven or eight. Don't say it.

He didn't say seven or eight again. No, no, no. He did not say it again. This was the initial thing. Okay. This is no problem. Okay. Then it turned out to be a problem.

the guy never showed up his the guy that he works with showed up to at least stand the plywood and take it with him we're like we'll do it at the top step one yes then we checked in with him every day and he's like yeah it's not ready yet it's still wet I have to do another coat blah blah blah all this shit I think this guy had not done this specific thing before oh okay and so it trial and error I have had that happen where I hired a handyman to do something and it became evident just by how to trial and error I have had that happen where I hired a handyman to do something and it became evident just by how to trial and error. how long it was taking that he had never done that before. But he did a great job. And I do think you have to learn somehow. Everybody's got to learn somehow. It's just kind of interesting to go like, of course I can do that. And then like you actually don't know if you can. So every day it's like not quite yet.

And then finally today he sent us a picture, a video of it. And it looks good. That looks great. It looks cool. It looks beautiful. but I do think it's much wider than the actual counter is

just looking at it he's going to cut it down that's what I'm about to ask him yeah did he put anything in perspective next to like a pen or anything well the plywood that he took was that something you had measured

to be the size of it and then he did it on something else yeah yeah yeah like that's different and now he measured the plywood and then said I will add like a little foam at the front to make it hang over a little bit so there's a little hangover like great and then

I'm looking at this and it's a very different size hmm I think you need to ask for sure I do need to ask for sure just I just want to make sure this is the size that we're talking this is the same size that you measured at my house you know maybe it's forced perspective you know maybe it looks maybe he's zoomed out to 0.5 sure it looks kind of warped that I Work tour, 99. Sure. Did you go to any work tour? I just wrote to all of them.

Yeah. Every single one. Yeah. Yeah. I'm there right now. Yeah. Wait, what? I am.

I just wrote back, looks good. What are the measurements exactly? Okay. That's, that's an interesting way to ask. Thank you. I'll keep you updated later today is what is his last communicate. I think you can say. I've been very busy right now.

I think you can even follow up what you just said and say, I'm asking because it looks larger than. but maybe I mean I don't have the heart to say that Well because it's going to suck more When he brings this big ass thing that doesn't fit Well that's why I'm asking him first I do like the saga

Also I think I've plenty of time Before this thing shows up in my house I like the saga I like if it comes and it's not the right size That adds more content to these freedom episodes That's true because right now we still have Groomer as a hanging chad We have this as a hanging chat

So many hanging chads Yeah Mm-hmm I wish I had some. Oh, well, you know, I still live in a Beep House. No way. Are you fucking kidding me? How can you even handle this?

This is impossible. We were talking about it last night. You don't live in the Winchester Mystery Mansion. I know. Let's resolve this. Didn't you get down to the bottom of it before? No. So it's louder in certain areas in our main.

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, where it is versus where it's not. But it's impossible to figure out where it is. How is it impossible? No, I mean, I had this before. It has to be in a room. But I sent you what happened to me. And I, and it, but you said it wasn't that.

Right. Yes. What happened to you? It's private. You know what? I respect that. Mike was hiding and going, peep. No, it's, uh, it might be in the attic, but we don't know, but.

Oh, you're too scared to go up there. Yeah. So. Get the ladder. But what I had read initially was, oh, it takes about a month for the, the battery to wear out. It's been more than a month. Oh, it's been a year. at this point. It does feel like

we get it. Like, it needs to give up at a certain point. Yeah. Yes. The fact that it even works about that. Why don't we need to change the battery? If it even works with that, they go, I think you could, I think you could detect smoke. If you got all this juice. What's the amount of energy you got going on? Okay. Here's where my mind has gone to. Oh, no. Is this shit? Is this a prank

that one of my friends has inflicted upon me, putting a some sort of like. That would be so great. You may talk on. Yes. Somebody could reach up there. Yeah. Let's let's puting some sort of beeping. device up in our rafters or something because it's nowhere near where a smoke detector is and and I've heard it really loud in in one room and been like oh is it up there but then I go into another room and it's kind of loud in there so I don't really know but but for it to be a year it feels like it has to be plugged into the electricity right it has

to be wired to something I don't know I mean it's confusing but but the the thing is is it doesn't really bother us we were watching something really soft the other night I heard it and I brought it up and I was like that thing is still beeping cool up and she goes yeah but it's intermittent right I said no it's literally every 60 seconds were you watching Pillow the movie yeah what was the soft thing you're watching

and she said oh I guess I just tune it out now I'm like well normally it's noisy enough that we don't hear it but but it's infuriating you need to hire someone who will sit there listen for it and just work their way through every nook and cranny

until they get it Why do we have to change batteries in these motherfuckers? Why aren't they just, we all have to have them by law. You have to have them. No, yeah, because they are wired to electricity sometimes. They should always be. No, but they need a backup. It's against the law to only be wired to electricity, I think.

I'm maybe talking out of my ass, but this, in my experience. That makes sense to me, but let's say this. Yeah. The battery should only be functional when it, needs to be the backup right right sort of like a hybrid car yes sort of like a hybrid car i i have changed to a different type of smoke detector who now you can uh i think i believe program when it will beep like please don't beep in the middle of the night you know what i mean so like we'll change you but just only beep between these hours of the day or whatever and i like the sound of that

because ours only beep in the middle of the night yeah it's it's so it's the worst feeling in the world where just at two in the morning. Yeah. Oh my God. It wakes you out. That happened in an apartment I was in that I was living in. And it was like that I was in once. It went crazy in the middle of the night. And it was right over my bed. And I like had to. And like my

neighbor was like, what's that? Like it was like everyone was like losing their shit. And so I went to the gas station trying to get batteries and I had to change it. It was like a whole dramatic thing. We had it happened to us last month in the middle of the night. We had to fucking get up. Get a ladder out my smoke detector beep that's beautiful is that from the documentary um so now now we have a better we have a better system and they and it tests it like tells us when it's going to test and

so this is just some random thing that's not connected wait it tells you when it's going to test yeah it like it sends out tests to make sure they're all beeping and it'll alert us on our phone to say like hey the all of the smoke detectors are going to go off at two That's another thing. Is it they all fucking go off. Then just figure out which one it is. Because they set each other off. They're like, I'm triggered.

Oh, the other thing, I think I must have talked about this, but the other thing about them going off in the middle of the night is the temper. In the middle of the night, my smoke detector beeps is the temperature getting low, low, low, low, low, low, triggers it and makes it more, I guess, like drains the battery. or makes it need more battery or something? No, at night, temperature goes down because the sun isn't up. Well, then why? If the temperature goes down, why does it go off?

That's why. You're supposed to be, you're supposed to be worried about hot, not cold. Idiot. Look, that's what I shout at it. That's what I would shout at it. Yeah. But it has something to do with that, and that's why they tend to go off in the middle of the night

instead of just in during the day. Stop saying in the middle of the night. What should I say instead? What is this synonym? Around 2 a.m. In the dead of night? In the dead of 9. At the witching hour?

At the witching hour. At the devil's playtime. I wish it was not so hot here all the fucking time. Oh no, you used one of your wishes. No, no. Well, that's good. I want that. But then it's ironic every time, don't you see?

It's not so hot, but it's... Tell you what. It's like a twilight zone where everybody was like, it's so hot because the earth is moving. closer to the sun i'm sweating all the time it fucking sucks and we're all gonna die soon and then it turns out it was a dream of this girl she was having a nightmare because she was having a fever and really the earth was moving further away from the sun and it was cold all the time wow that's ironic that's don't you think a lot for okay i have an idea yeah in between episodes we're taping two episodes

in a row today as we always do you guys come into the other room and tell me where you think the the peeping is and then I'll get the ladder out and we can look for it. We've never done a field trip before. Honestly, I'm into this. That's fun. We'll do a field trip. That is fun, right? That is fun, right? That is fun, right? That is fun, right? Yeah. If we had mobile microphones, it could be our three, true. Oh, my God, mobile microphones. They haven't invented them yet. We all do have phones. Nope. Can you imagine trying to stitch that together all three of our phones? I mean, that wouldn't be my problem. Yeah, I can imagine someone else doing it.

Someone who makes a pretty penny. Someone who likes to stitch together. A stitcher, a premium stitcher, if you will. Yeah, sure. But yes, the beep house, someone please send me a solution to this problem that doesn't require me finding the thing that's beeping. We're going to find it. I don't see moving. Yes, thank you.

If it literally beeps every 60 seconds, we're going to find it today. You think we're going to find it today? We're going to find it. What if it turns out to be a device that one of you put there? I guess. And it's just been waiting for me to find. Then we would be very gleeful, like Rumpel-Skillskin. Yeah, that's true.

He was so gleeful. He was. Until he was a happy little. His name was a freak. Then he jumped up and down so hard his arms fell off. Oh, no. She went to his house or whatever, and he was chanting like, he he, no one or whatever. Come up with my name.

It was like the jinks. It was like the jinks. Like the jinks? Oh, kill the mends. All, of course. I killed them all. Rumpel Stiltskin was the original jinx. Yeah.

He's like, my name is Rumble Stiltskin, obviously. Is Rupertd still alive? That's a great question. Why didn't you ask that bitch, Siri? I thought he passed on, perhaps. 2022, rest in power, king. I'm glad he got caught before he died. That rules.

I'm sorry, I remember the flags were at half-mast. I think on January 10th, they'll say Robert Durst would have been, 82 today. Happy heavenly birthday. He has the blackest eyes on human earth. I like that his Wikipedia page, his picture is his mugshot. I do, I do appreciate that. I do appreciate that.

Oh, and it's real gnarly. It's very gnarly. Those are the blackest eyes you've ever seen. Yeah. Not a single soul in there. Blacker than mine? Yours aren't black. By the way, the numbers are next to him to, I guess, delineate his height.

How tall is this guy, do you think? He looks like seven feet tall? Did they lay him down on the, like, do they lay him down on the height thing? The top of his head, okay, so you just see. The top of his head is eight. Because he has like a breathing apparatus on he appears to be incapacitated in some way. So you think he's just eight inches tall? Yeah, I do.

That's what made him so crazy. Or he's eight feet tall. They buried him in a matchbox. He used the little. Thing in the pizza for a table. Yeah. He makes a little champagne cork chair. What is the point of the thing in the pizza?

To keep it centered. To keep it centered. To ground it. Have you ever gotten an off-center pizza? You're like, my dinner's ruined. No, but truly, I, what is the point? It is to protect the, um, the pizza from the lid. Because people used to get pizzas and all the cheese would be stuck to the top.

Yeah, yeah. Smart. Do you remember that story? Lovely, charming. story that our friend Jessica Jean Jarden told us... I just stopped myself from saying it. Her Scottish father...

Had never had pizza. Moved to America. He has a date with this young lady. Turns out to be just his mother. Awesome. And he shows up to her home. He's going to bring a pizza. And so he picks up the pizza.

And then he turns it sideways and holds it under his arm like his briefcase. He doesn't even know what it is. He doesn't know. And when he got there to the door, she was like, why are you holding it? It's just like a... Just like a blog.

You see, never had a pizza before? Yeah, never had a pizza before. I did see a, uh, they sell a 22 inch hot dog at Universal Studios and it comes in its own carrying case, like a little suitcase. Like a pool queue. 22 inch hot dog. I'm a hot dog. Chili cheese dog.

Oh, really cheese dog. Lawrence snarled at me. I don't like that. That made me want a hot dog. I haven't had a hot dog in forever. Okay. Should we order some hot dogs? Yeah.

Can you? Yeah. I'm sure. Shake check. This is going to be a cookie puss all over again? I know the cookie puss fiasco. The great cookie puss fiasco. I want to apologize.

But I'll order some hot dogs and we'll get them here. Do you know what we should do for a Christmas episode? We should have a cookie puss. Yeah. Yeah. If we can ever get our damn hands on it. Well, we'll have to pick it up. From where?

From Carvel store. From Carvel. Yeah, but it's over on Santa Monica Boulevard. It's going to melt by the time it gets back over. No, come on. No, Lauren, stop saying that. We'll take precautions to me. Make sure it doesn't.

Okay. All right. We have to take a break. Well, hi, everybody. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser than Me podcast. And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time. I'm going to talk about food resources. All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or

feeding our chickens because it's still food. And the easiest and frankly, way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the mill food recycler. It looks like an art house garbage can. You can just toss your scraps in it like a garbage can, but it is definitely not a garbage can. I mean, it's true. I'm pretty obsessed with this thing. I even invested in this thing. But I'm not alone. Mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks. But the clincher is that you can depend on it for years. Mill is a serious machine. Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster. It's built by hand in North America and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone.

But you have to kind of live with Mill to understand all the love. That's why they offer a risk-free trial. Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer. Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right? Yeah, and look at us now. Like, we're all grown up. We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff, and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye,

but for the most part, it's about you. I mean, it's always been about you. From Lemonada Media, alive with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Or you can watch every episode on YouTube. And we're back. And, um, hey guys, do you want to... What's up, Paul? What's going on?

Did I awaken you from hibernation? I'm just weary. I think you're going to say, I'm just weird. Guess what? What? Slep like shit. had bad dreams. Bad dreams.

Sydney, sweetie, has good genes. I liked it. The line broke. The lucky I choked. They all went to have it in a little rowboat. Clap hands. Yeah, we got a new mattress. Remember we were talking about getting in the mattress?

Oh, right. We got a new mattress. We have 30 days to try. Well, we don't have 30 days. We must try it for 30 days. Yes. No, it's a minimum of 30 days. Oh, meaning you can't return it after one.

That's right. But you could take it off your bed and put it in a corner in 30 days. It's true. And you sleep on the frame. Yeah. Yeah. So, so maybe.

They say you must try this out for 30 days. Maybe it needs to break in and you need to, it needs to contour to your body. But here's the thing. Here's the problem with it. It's actually comfortable, but it sleeps hot. Oh. So we've been waking up in the middle of the night. It's like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a nightmare. And it's giving me a nightmare. Do you have conditioned air in your house? We do have conditioned air in our house.

Could you turn it a bit down? We're going to have to, I guess. I mean, we already have it programmed to do such a thing. Yeah. We need to keep it 72 for the baby. Mm-hmm. What baby? Oh, we have a baby now.

Since when? Like three years ago. I don't think she's a baby anymore. Well, she's a toddler, but I, you know what I mean? I mean, she'll always be a bitch. You don't mean Emmy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Even though she's a big girl, she's not a baby, she's a big girl.

Still considers herself to be a baby. She considers herself to be a baby? She, if we say you're a big girl, she say, no, I'm a baby. But if you say she's a baby, she says, no, I'm a big girl. Sometimes, yeah. Yesterday, there was a bit of like, I'm a baby and I'm a big girl. No. That's not the way it works.

I know. I know. That's why I told her. I pointed out the fallacy. Oh. I mansplained to her. I can't with her. I know. I mean, she knows that, too. Like, she gets that from you. She does it on purpose. She's trying to get my gait. She likes to torment you.

She likes to torment. Lauren's head is in her hands. I'm taking this opportunity to rub my forehead. When Billy Joelle says, I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things. Yeah. When he says that, you're dumb. I know. And he says it every day. Yeah. He decided, I should put this in a song. If I'm going to say this all the time.

I was laughing, remembering Andy Daly pointing out that in that documentary about Billy Joel, he's very proud of the fact that he that he never got a DUI. He's been drunk and like wrecked cars, but he like pointed out of never got caught. I never fucking got a DUI.

Yeah. It's like, okay, man. I think the thing was still bad. Oh, no, she's a pirate? I'm showing a picture that was just sent to me of, she's dressed as a pirate. Pirates are evil. They're plunderers. And, you know, like we romanticize them in these movies.

Yeah, yet they were really bad people. They were disgusting. Yeah. And I bet they stunk. They were just trying to get by. Yeah, I respect them. In an oppressive capitalist system. That's true.

Their style was interesting and unique. It was. And they honed it over time. The way they would cut off their legs and put little pegs down there. It's so. It is funny when you think about like old-timey Navy and they're just like That's where I shop

I was going to say not old Navy but old timey Navy And they're like well we have to have these hats Yeah That's just what hats are shaped like It'll be like a tri-corner hat But it'll be a little rounded We're not gonna we're not gonna have like the little braid on it Like the Navy guys do

I'll just be plain But those sailor hats Those are uncomfortable right They're not protecting anything like what's the point of it? Like little Popeye hats? Yeah. That's the weirdest hat and the fact that it still exists is so strange. And the fact that it's part of the uniform, I guess maybe, I mean, so much of clothes is just like, does it make you look better?

And I think the answer with those is no. It doesn't. I mean, it makes them look like sailors. Yeah. So if anyone was like, is that a sailor up there on that Navy boat? But is there some sort of nautical purpose for them being shaped that way? maybe it catches the rain and so when it finally overflows and gets in your eyes you're like oh it's raining too much yeah it's probably i gotta go wipe down the boat when you said it catches the rain i almost for a second was like that is practical because if you get as we know from master and commander far side of the world yes of course when it's not raining that's bad yes you need rain in order to get the winds in order to sail yes you also need to drink water yes so you might not mind How would they get that?

Oh, I guess rain, you're saying. You just open your mouth and go like a dumb turkey and then you're drowned. Speaking of dumb turkeys, thank you. We take calls from dumb turkeys who listen to us. Yeah, there's no other way to put it, unfortunately. Our listeners are a bunch of dumb turkey. Listen, if you're a dumb turkey and you'd like to leave us a voicemail, go to the famous website, hagclaimsate.com. So famous.

Yes, it is back up and running as a novelty dictionary. Yes, you can. leave voicemails. Yes, you now get a new phone. You get a new phone. You get a new phone. It's made of, we haven't said this. It's made out of paper and cardboard and a little bamboo sort of like for some of the hard stuff. But it works. Yes. But it works as a phone. But it works. It does work as a phone. In the sense of if you call someone, they have to be nearby. Yeah. Like next to you in order to Yes, if you're in the same room with someone, you can make a call, and they don't even have to pick up their phone in order for the call.

They can just respond. They can pretend to do that if that would be helpful. But that's silly. Yeah. I mean, it's a silly notion, but it works for us. It's a silly-ass notion. It works for us. It's just our thing.

Yeah. You know, we make do with what it is and we like it. That's what we're like. We just like it. We just like it. We just like it. Well, let's listen to one of these dumb turkeys. Okay.

Here we go. Hello again, Freedom Friends. Henry Artemis here. Hello again, Henry Artemis. Well, I think this person has left quite a few. Oh, because I didn't remember that name, though. It seems like I should have. It seems very specific. This is the first one

we're getting to, but this is the this would be the third out of four that this person. Oh, so he's a supercaller. He's one of our cherished supercalls. All right. Mega caller, Henry Artemis. From the beginning. Hello again, Freedom Friends. Henry

Artemis here. I have two questions for you. One, what's something you can't let your kitchen run out of? Everybody's got something they'll need to explain to their spouse if they take the last one. I thought he was going to sing. Cookies, curd cups, crack, et cetera. Secondly, when are we getting a Cushetopia podcast?

Everybody wants one. No one. No one. No one wants one. Thank you for calling. Leave that CBB shit to CBB. These guys don't care about Cushopia, right? I don't even care about.

this is not we don't do those jokes here we do our jokes our same five jokes yes that's what we do we do you can do it yes and we do look i am your father yes we do uh in the middle of the night corporate lady how to talk in the middle of the night is a recent addition that one started today but we're going to say it over and over again it's going to come up again you're going to and you'll know it and you'll like it yeah okay you dumb turkey okay so what's something that you feel bad when you take the last one of or

you always needs to be stalked in your kitchen? I'm trying to think of like snack type things. We actually don't have a lot of communal things. Oh really? You keep your like odd couple style? I have my things that I like and she has her things that she likes. Do you put tape down the center

of your refrigerator and you get one side? That's right. That's right. But I think that the communal things would be like, I don't know, like cheese and crackers, you know what I mean? Yeah. We like these trisketes that are, it's like roasted garlic trisketes. They're so good.

What if they just made garlic trisketes and it wasn't roasted? Would you still like them? No. Okay. I like my garlic roasted. Sorry, Dracula. A lot like Tom Brady. I don't think Dracula would like it roasted either.

I don't think he'd like it unroasted or roasted. No, he wouldn't. That's why I'm apologizing. Oh, just because I thought you were saying, sorry, I like it roasted. No, I'm saying, I'm sorry, Dracula, about your problems with garlic. What if Dracula figured out if you roasted the garlic? He was fine with it. Can you imagine these dumb peasants making up vampires, and then they're like, and they don't like garlic?

And they're scared of garlic? Yeah. I mean, it's the same thing with kryptonite. Oh, and they're, and, uh. Cryptonite, they're not trying to scare anybody, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. Not with kryptonite, but with Superman they are.

These dumb peasants were trying to scare people into thinking vampire. were real. And to what end? What was the purpose of this? It's always to teach children to pick up their things. That was the purpose of all Grimm's fairy tales. I got to start telling Emmy about vampires

to get her to pick up her things. Yeah, yeah. Kids in there picking up things, the age-old's conflict. They don't like to do it. They don't want to clean. They don't want to clean. They just want to lean.

One less bell to answer. One less toy to pick up. Lauren, what's there, is there anything in your kitchen that you don't like to run out of? Malden salt. Maldon sea salt. Little thick flakes of salt that you put onto everything. Tell me about these little thick flakes. Do you, how low kills and get sometimes, yes.

It can get very low. And we start to go and we often will forget. to get it every time because certain stores don't sell it and yada, yada, yada. When we're out of coffee, that is a nightmare. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. And that's a problem for Mike for sure when we're up coffee. It's very rare that that happens. It happened to me last week for a good five days in a row where it was like,

oh, I should drop by the market. And then I would forget. Five days. And then we put it on the list for someone who was shopping and they didn't know what type to get and just got nothing instead of...

Fair. You know what? Just getting a choice. Coffee. Here you go. President Select. I think our issue with eating stuff is usually regarding leftovers. So you might think, oh, this pizza, I'm just going to eat the last one.

Yes, yes, yes. That person's been planning to eat that. Yes. Yeah. Because especially with two people, the division is very clear. It's an even number of slices. You get this, you get this. and sometimes if you're like

one piece of pizza left I've already had my allotment I sure would like that piece of pizza Cool up generously will say Honey, this one's for you Wow That's very sweet Because she gives you the middle of finger

She realizes the size disparity between us And realizes that I need a little more fuel For this machine FIFI fom giant I need a little more of our trashy scum that I ordered here this will keep you going eat this trash

this delicious greasy pizza eat this thing that will take years off your life you need more there was a piece of pizza in the fridge today that was Janie's piece and I almost ate it for breakfast

you should have better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission yes she would have been disappointed yes but when is she planning on eating it for breakfast or for lunch she's probably getting into it right now

she probably she had to get blood work done today Oh, so she couldn't eat it So I bet that piece of pizza is gone by now Yeah, so she got her blood work And was like, I can't wait to get this piece of pizza She returns home, you've eaten it for breakfast That would be a disaster And she's gone this whole time fasting

She's looking forward to it She's thinking about it, yes Meanwhile you're blood work which is a You've eaten pizza for breakfast And a hot dog for lunch Yeah I love getting blood drawn You do?

I love watching it I don't watch it I don't watch it I don't watch it I ever mind I don't watch the needle going in because I'm afraid I'll jerk away at the last minute. You know what I mean? You jerk off when you just get to get my penis.

Because you have a needle dick. It's like a penis queen of the dine. Because you have a needle dick. All right. Let's hear another. Let's hear from another one of our dumb turkeys. We're not going to hear another Henry artist. No.

I guess not. I'm going to burn through him. Hello, freedom boys. This is Sam. from Stockholm, Sweden. Oh, hello. That's right. From a different country.

Okay, Sam. I've been keeping track of your voicemails. You haven't really had anyone from another country on yet. So hopefully maybe I'll be first. And in honor of that, I would like the three of you to list every country you've ever been to. Wow. What do you think of them? What do you think of them?

It could be fun. Anyway, it'd be fun Love you a lot Take care Thank you Sam We love you too Oh yeah Piss pig in Swedish

It's peace gris Isn't that funny Piz is Piss in Swedish too Bye bye Look I've said it before Piss is Piss is Piss Yeah

No matter where you are People have piss And they like to say it They have piss inside them And they want to get it out Now I'm just going to look at a list Of all the countries Of all the countries that exist

Yes. Oh, okay. Great. Because I think that'll be helpful to me enlisting mine. Okay. Sometimes you might forget about a little place you want. Why don't you read them off and we'll say if we've been to them. Okay.

We've talked about how many countries there are in the world. It's a lot. Well, there's ones, look, none of us have been to Angola, right? I'm going to read them and you're going to say yes or no. Okay. Okay. What you thought of it if you had, if the answer is yes. Afghanistan.

No, no. No. No. Albania. No. No. No, Algeria, no, no. Andorra. No. Angola. No. Antigua. No. No. Argentina. No. No. No. No. Argentina. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I thought it was a lot. No. I thought it was a blast. Been to Australia many times. Always enjoyed it. I thought it was great, but didn't, you know, when you're touring, you don't really. You don't really get to see a lot. Although I was, because I had to do that extra. I was like flying all over the

excuse me we got pictures taken with koalas yeah we got to see some things I know um Austria no this is reminding me that I have to respond to someone from Australia sure emails that I forgot to do say no to Austria Azerbaijan yes Bahamas no no no Bahrain no Bangladesh no

Bangladesh no no Barbados no we're only in the bees Belarus no Belgium no Belgium Yes. Oh, what'd you think? I thought it was beautiful and really just very poetic and romantic. Belize. No, no. Benin.

No. Boutan. No. Bolivia. No. Bosnia and Herzegovina. No. No.

No. No. Brunei. No. No. Bulgaria. No. Burkina Faso.

No. Chorundi. No. Kamo Verde. No. No. Cambodia. No.

No. Cameroon. No. Canada. Yes. Love Canada. Canada's great. Yes, we've been there.

Central African Republic. No. No. Chad. No. Chile. No. China. No. No.

Wait, China. Chittity China? The Chinese chicken? Do you look at China? No, I don't think so. Do you think there's anybody in China that refers to China as chiggity China? I don't think so. Nobody?

Come on. I live in Chiquity China. They don't say I'm from Chittany China. The Chinese chicken. You have a drum stick in your arms are sticking. Your brain stuck. Watching the next fowles with no light, son. Does I let me son.

I don't like Harrison, but I'm getting Camoros. No. No. Columbia, sorry. No. No. No. Congo.

No. Costa Rica. No. Oh. What did you think? Costa Rica is gorgeous. At least, okay, I went to two parts of Costa Rica. I went to the cloud forest and that was wonderful.

Bespin? Yes, I went to Bespin. Did you see Lando Calarizian? Of course I did. That was so incredible. And then we went down to South Costa Rica where the beach is and where the surfing was. And that was. less good, I have to say. I wish we just would have stayed in the cloud forest part of it.

But it was good to see. Do you think Armenia claims Lando Calvertine as one of their own? I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would. If I would. If I were then. Yeah. Totally. Kutia. No. Croatia. No. Cuba. No. No. Cibrasia. No. Chechnya. No. Democratic Republic of the Congo. No. Denmark. No. No. Djibouti. No. Dominica. No. Dominican Republic, no, Ecuador, no, Egypt, no, El Salvador, no, Equatorial Guinea, no, Eritrea, no, Estonia, no, Estonia, no, Eswatini, no, Ethiopia, no, Fiji, no, Finland, no, no, France, yes. Yes, we've all been to France, yes. I've been a few times and it's beautiful. I liked it, I was only there for four days. It was super hot and there was an Uber strike going and so we didn't feel good about it. about calling Uber

and then at a certain point we were trying to find a taxi and it was taking a half hour and it was 100 degrees and I just said, I'm gonna call Uber and there was no problem. I mean, the Uber strike was like

where they were like, they would, if people saw you getting into one, they would like try to overturn the car and stuff but we were in the middle of nowhere. What? Yeah. Who was on, people were striking against Uber?

I can't remember the details of it. Okay. It was an Uber boycott? You didn't care about it. It was maybe a boycott. Okay. No, I cared enough to not get into an Uber other than when it was an emergency. And Kulap was melting down.

There you go. Gabon. No. Gabon. Gambia. No. No. Georgia.

No. Germany. Yes. No. I have been to Germany. I had a great time. I went to a few places. I went to Munich.

I went to, I went to, I went to Berle. Lynn and I went to Frankfurt and I thought it was great. I would like to go there when it's not freezing. I was there and go on Thanksgiving. I have to go. My sister lives there in Munich. Yes, you do need to. It's a really fun time. Um, great food. Ghana. No. No. Greece. No. No. No. I want to. I would like to go. Yeah. That's maybe the next place I'd like to go to. Same. Granada. No. Guatemala. No. Guinea. No. Guinea. No. Guinea. Giana. No. No. Giana. No. No. Holy C. I don't know that one. Holy. Holy. The Vatican. Honduras

No Hungary No No Iceland No Yes Oh yeah

How is Iceland Wonderful I would like to go back I'd like to go I want to go there I would really see the northern lights Yeah Which I've not seen

I think it would be cool To like look up in the sky And there'd be like These northern lights up there Yeah man India No No

Indonesia No Iran No Iraq this last year. It was my second. I loved it.

I would like to go back. It was great. I would like to see more of the country. Yeah. Israel. No. Italy. Yes.

Yes. I loved it. Oh, it's so great. Got to go. Got to go. Got to go. I want to go. It's wonderful.

Jamaica. No. No. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. You've been twice. I've talked about it so much. Yeah. And my friends are going in a couple weeks as like a big fun trip. You should just go. Yeah. I'm really sad.

I can't go. Well, I'm invited. Blow off your work. Yeah. But I can't go. Quit your job. I know. It would be really fun.

Jordan. No. No. Kazakhstan. No. Kenya. My wife. No.

No. Kuwait. No. Kuwait. No. Kersikstan. No. No.

You know what? I was across the Mekong River and I never made it into Laos if you can imagine. Wow. I can't imagine that. I can picture you're not doing it. Standing on the banks of the river. We were there for an emergency. trip, the details of which

I don't want to go into, but... Nobody's business, and I also don't care. But imagine being so close to Kulop's homeland and not making the trip across the bridge. I can imagine it. Yeah. I can. Now, I'm going to ask you to pause right now while we're at the L's, which I can't believe we've made it that far. I know.

Should we stop listing countries for now? Oh, and then return to it. Why not? Make it a regular feature of the show. Sure. Well, I think it's really fun to hear. We'll do another letter of the alphabet. Each episode from now on. Honestly, it goes on so much longer than I felt it would go on. Yeah, yeah.

And, yeah. I don't know why you're surprised. I just thought we'd be able to kind of like zip, zip, zip. It's the no. It's a million countries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, I could read it faster and you could just say if you'd been to one. Sure, true, true.

But I guess I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of the listener. You want them to have this experience. Also, I know the other countries I've been to, and it's not a lot. Yeah, I feel like we've gone through. the ones that I... I feel like the country's remaining versus the ones I have remaining personally. Yeah. There's a big disparity.

A huge chasm. Yeah. And our hot dogs are here. Oh my God. Well, goodbye, idiots. Did you get fries? Goodbye, you dumb turkeys. We love you.

Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. And you are, by the way, you do you have, uh, today is, uh, October 23rd. Do you have... Varietopia tour is wrapped up. Thank you. Everybody who came out. But you'll be in England.

What an amazing. year. I will be in London doing the thrilling adventure hour after Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving. And then you're also doing the Michael Penn. No, not Michael Penn. Amy Man and Ted Leo Christmas tour. Yeah. We're doing a bunch of cities. It starts the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah. And then ends on the 14th of December. Yep. All right. Then you have

a show. I don't know. Yeah. All right. Bye. Every caregiving journey is unique, but the isolation, guilt, and exhaustion we all feel, that's universal. It's reality, it's life. You know, I wish it could all be happy and joyous, but sometimes it's full of rage, and that is what it is. That's why this show exists, to be a safe place for caregivers to land. Listen to Squeezed, wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.