Threedom - "A.P.H.B. Was Born on Mojo"

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss articles, remembering people, and teeth before playing Heart to Heart.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time.

Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! You give like the littlest one.

You just go like this. Freedom! Freedom! I don't want to use my full voice. Why not? I love it. It's a concerto tonight. Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom man. Welcome to time. Hey, it's just freedom. That's all. Hey, we're just talking about freedom. Then I can dig it. Freedom.

Freedom. Freedom is a man, a I can dig it. Freedom haven't thought about it since, but it brought me joy when you just mentioned it. Yeah, man. Yeah. That's great. It is great. I like your shirt. Oh, thanks. I hardly ever wear it. Should I wear it more? Yeah. It's kind of a boxy fit. Okay. Well, I haven't seen it standing, but seated. It's a nice flannel. Okay. It's a good sit down shirt. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't stand up in it. Oh, you should. Oh, honey. Oh, no, no.

You should crawl around today. Crawl around? Well, how else are we going to do everything? You seem to be crawling around. Well, you got to be out of sight. Yeah. You can't let people see you. No.

I mean, you guys are the only one seeing me today, so I don't like I could dress down. Yeah. I think you're the only people, I mean, other than our staff. Vile. Our collective staff? Yes. The Freedom Machine? And the Freedom Machine.

And the Freedom Machine. And the CPAP. And the CPAP. And the Freedom Machine. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Freedom. I'm Scott. I'm Paul.

I'm Lauren. And we're still doing it. Can you believe it? I brought up the go to hell cards to my mom yesterday. Um, she, she first I just brought it up. She was mentioning that neighbor. She was first that house as being that person's house, even though she's in many years. It's so, so how I love that. That's such a specific thing that people don't talk about. Yeah.

It's like that is forever. that person's house. Yeah. Like a family has lived there for like 20 years. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. But she was mentioning her as part of a, you know, just some story she was saying, oh, we're by that way, there's da da da da. And I said, when you got that go to hell card,

did you know it was from her? And she started laughing so hard. I think so. And then I was like, she's like, why did she couldn't remember a lot of the details, which I thought was so crazy. I was like, I remember what it looked like. She asked me what it looked like and what happened. And then, um, and then I said, did she send it to everybody?

She's like, I don't think so. But I was like, no, I know she sent it to at least one other house. So it was like a whole thing and you knew what was from her. And then I told her about our cards and she was like, oh my, well, I'm sure a lot of people are gonna wanna get that one this year, or deserve that one this year. Just look at that one.

Isn't it wild to think that one day your children will be adults and you will have an adult relationship with them? It is crazy to think about. Hopefully. I mean, I- Oh, that's true. Both of me being alive when they're adults and having a relationship. I forget. Well, you can work on part of it. Ah! Which part? Work out.

Isn't it wild? Isn't it wild to think- I can't work on having a relationship. Nope. Isn't it wild to think you might be estranged from your children some way? It is crazy to consider. No, I love thinking about that. I love thinking about that. I think that feels because it's very it's also so bittersweet to picture them getting older and not being as cute and little as they are. But then you think, oh, we get to have fun, real conversations. Maybe we'll have similar interests and want to do some of the same things in a dream world. Like maybe we'll both want to go to Broadway shows and we'll get to do that together.

When have you ever been to a Broadway show? It's something I dream about. The kick lines. Isn't it wild that someday you'll be driving your children crazy? Oh yeah. As adults. Like right now they genuinely seem to like hanging out with us. Oh she's begging me to stay all the time as I walk out the door. Goodbye. No it's been some hard drop-offs lately. Really? We just had our first good one. Yeah, good. Where she just like we dropped her off at preschool and she said, I say goodbye and now I'm with the teacher's name. Oh. And we're like, yes, goodbye. It was just like, she did the handoff.

Wow. Yeah, that's so cute. Because it's been tiered. Like I would pick her up from, or we would see her after school sometimes. I'd say, what did you do at school today? She goes, I was crying. That's so funny. That's so cute. That's so funny. That's adorable. I've seen so many videos of parents asking

like their preschool kids, what was your favorite part of preschool? And they would say leaving. Yeah. I mean, I really relate to that. But you don't have any responsibilities at preschool. It's not like there's homework. I was talking to someone who was in kindergarten

the other day and I was like, what's the main difference? And she was saying that she has homework now. And I was like, in kindergarten? Kindergarten? Come on, man. No, that is- And I saw some of her homework and it was a drawing of the sun.

Fuck off. Well, that's all relative. Fuck off. I was talking to someone who was in kindergarten the other day. Yeah. We worked- We were in child.

We two had worked at the same place. This is my coworker. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, but they don't have any sense. I think most of the time it's, they're having a good day and they just remember the bad part. They're little drama queens.

Yeah, they're exaggerating and they're lying. Yes. Oh, here's what I would say to my child. Was it really that bad? Yeah. Really? Oh, it was so terrible. Oh, it was really bad. Oh, you were crying.

And you couldn't stop crying all day. You never played. You didn't do one art project, dear. Lauren, do you find yourself, and I know your mom's a listener and she's a wonderful woman. Yeah. But there probably were things

that you were bugged by growing up. Like behavior that you didn bugged by growing up. Like behavior that you didn't care for. But do you find yourself, have you passed those on? Do you find yourself doing that? You know what the first thing I thought of that would really make me bristle? My mom, like if I'm sleeping in or sleeping too late for school, like just from the other room I hear, Laurie!

I'm like, God damn it! And it's just like over and over until I actually get up. And it's like- Were there stairs? I'm like, no, now. There were stairs, but also she would just be in the next room in the bathroom getting ready and then knowing that I'm not awake and she's yelling to me.

Just putting on her false eyelashes. Exactly. Her fake tits. Falsies. Her drag queen breasts. Yeah, strapping them on. Putting on a choker so you can't see the join. This is Doubtfire Mask.

This is Doubtfire. Why didn't he just have a mask? Yeah. Well, some of it was a mask. He did have a mask. When he went in the street and plooped in the street. Yeah, he did have a mask. And then the car ran over it.

You mean a full mask, like a full, like- Over the hat. Mike Myers Halloween. It was a prosthetic mask. But because how much time did it take him to put it on? You mean a full mask, like a full like Mike Meyers Halloween? It was a prosthetic mask. Because how much time did it take him to put it on? In mere moments sometimes, one time he slapped it on with that whipped cream.

Anyway. Harvey Fierstein. He just stuck his face into whipped cream. Nevermind. I thought he put the mask. That's when the mask fell out the window then he needed the whipped cream. Right, right, right.

We're talking of course about Mrs. Doubtfire herself. That's right, based on the novel. Yes. Mrs. Doubtfire. Did I send you the deleted scene the other day? Yes! Is it based on the novel Mrs. Doubtfire by Sapphire? Yes. Yes.

Mrs. Doubt Sapphire. Doubt, P-H-I-R-E. Mrs. Pushfire. Mrs. Pushfire by Sapp? By Doubtfire. Based on the novel Mrs. Pushfire by Seth. But you have doubt fire. Based on the novel Mrs. Pushfire by Doubt. Doubt. Doubt.

Doubt is a good pen name. It was. I think it sounds cool, doubt. I've told this story with my first like. Doubt was a pen name for what? No, we. Sapphire. Oh, yes, sorry.

One of my first like hangouts with my sister-in-law was we went to see push or what the movie was. Precious. Precious. We both were just like gripping the chair like Jesus Christ. This is the most upsetting movie. Every five minutes, someone's getting like, okay, we're watching this fucking HBO mini series, not HBO, Apple Plus. Oh, the worst called Disclaimer. Oh, I've never heard of this. Kevin Klein, Cate Blanchett. Oh, I love everyone involved based on a book.

It's it's a pretty unpleasant made up story. One of those things where it's like, what? Why? This is why did you make this up? Yeah, that's how I felt about Push by Sapphire. I watched it, assuming it was a real movie and a biography, and I was like, oh, this poor woman at the end, it was like, no, you made all this up.

And she just gets AIDS at the end. No, and her mom, her like, do stuff to her and stuff, it's all really gross. Don't make this up, yeah. Stuff like that probably happens. Sure, but only tell me if it's true. I don't need this up. Yeah, stuff like that probably happens. But I don't know about it. But only tell me if it's true. I don't need you to make it.

And then this nasty, and then this fucking bitch comes in and says this one thing. What else can I do to her? Yeah, it's terrible. That said, I'm reading a book. I'm a little late to this. The Bible. Demon. Ezekiel.

Which part are you liking? I'm reading a book called Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I'm super late to it because this is the first time hearing it. I've heard of this. It's really good and it's essentially, it's like a novel, but it's- Pushed by Sapphire. It's a better telling of this kind of story than these, you know, true story Hillbilly Elegy. It covers like the same kind of ground of these are these

people in this region, but it, it's, it's really good. The Kanto region. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Hillbilly Elegy is about the Kanto region. And it's about a Pokemon trainer who has a weird mom. That's right. A Mii-maw if you will.

Oh, Lauren, you said you had found an article. You did say that. I did find an article and... This was exciting news because Lauren is looking for articles all the time. I never know how to get them. I don't know where they are. We will text Lauren at the end of the day and say, any luck today. And she'll say, no, no articles found.

No, let me be very clear. I didn't read the article. No, you just found it. It's just an article I found. You just found it. Great. It's not the point. And I found it on Instagram in the form of photos. Now, this article is about people who are parents of adult children and those adult

children are child-free by choice. Parents of adult children. So they're never going to have grandkids. So they're never going to, okay, got it. And the article is entitled, The Unspoken Grief of Never Becoming a Grandparent. And there's these pictures of these boomer adults holding, you know, looking really sad, that there's, you know, adult children are not gonna have kids.

They're all old as hell. And the comments- And they're frowning like, the corners of their mouths are pointed downward toward the ground. And I just thought, imagine being the child of one of these people, and you don't, maybe you don't know

that they're doing this interview about, oh, my daughter will never have kids because she doesn't want them and She won't do it and then the passive aggressiveness of yeah, like suddenly you pick up the paper like oh what's today? My mom's mad at me publicly for not having kids by choice when it's all the way having a kid is enough You don't need grandkids. Well, and that people are saying why don't you you just- Well, you say that because you're not gonna live to see any. Yeah, exactly. Have a relationship with your child. Hopefully.

People are like, why don't you volunteer in the community where there are many kids that need you and we need a grandmother-like figure and they don't have that. And I thought that was actually a really nice comment because there is a lot you can do in your community to be around children and be a present figure. Yes, yeah, but people are lazy.

Yeah, they just want the built-in. They want it to be related to them. Yeah, but people are lazy. Yeah. They just want the built in. They want it to be related to them. Yeah. But I thought that was just kind of a shocking thing for people to pose for pictures for. I just imagine the women and men who, that's their mom, and they're like, really? Yeah, yeah, I have to hear this enough in real life,

and now you're going to the newspaper about it. Extra, extra, this woman's mom doesn't like her anymore. My mom was like, interviewed, he doesn't sweep the porch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Anyway.

Did you have a picture of her looking sad? Yeah, that's all I wanted to say. I just, I was just like, wow. And the comments all of course are helpful, funny, harsh. You know, it all runs the game. What's so good about having grandchildren, honestly? You see them once a month, maybe, if you're lucky. Yeah, my parents don't get to see my children often enough.

So what do they care? I think that it's- What do they care? They love it, but I'm saying, I actually really, I understand what the point is. I'm not trying to say anything against that. It's more that it feels inherently passive aggressive to pose for a picture in the New York Times.

That's one of those things you just have to live with. There's not a story there. Yeah. Yeah, it's disappointing. Yeah. The end. There's so many disappointments in life. Yes.

I can only imagine that the New York Times does this where they're like, they talk to you for a while and then afterwards it's like, oh, we need to set up the photo shoot. And it's like, what? You think they were surprised? I think they were surprised by the photo shoot. So they're more, they look unhappy more about the photo shoot. Exactly. I didn't know my picture would be taken. My school photo from preschool. I'm like, I look really sad. I'm like this because I wanted to poop. I think it's that I had to poop,

but they wouldn't let me poop before the picture. And so it's a big class photo. And then there's two years where I'm sad. So actually, I don't know. Maybe you had bowel problems. I think I always have, I look at my old pictures from grade school and I think I always have a weird smile on my face

because I was told that an ugly smile. Oh my God. So I'm always like. By your brother or your mother? By my brother, not my mother. So I'm always like. By your brother or your mother? By my brother, not my mother. No. But just like. By your brother or your mother. And also I guess kids at school or whatever.

So I'm always just sort of doing this like tight lip. So it seems like a lot of people agree. Yeah. Yeah. An ugly smile, that's so mean. That is a horrible thing to say. And of course we'll never leave your brain for the rest of your life.

I know, I know. But Emmy, I think it's the worst thing you can say to people is like, you have an annoying laugh and you have an ugly smile. Because it saps joy out of them. Emmy, the other day was like, she has this little corner of the yard where she likes to pose for pictures

whenever we're going somewhere. She'll like run over there and just like sit. Holly has this too, like she has like her space that she wants to do the most. That's so funny. Oh, I would love to know what's going on in their brains. Yeah, if I try to put her somewhere else, she's like, no, it's over there.

It's over there. But she started doing the same tight-lipped smile during these photos, and I was like, I just was wondering, why are you smiling like that? I hope someone didn't say something to her, but no one would. I think it's just like she likes to do weird bits, and I think just that day she was doing-

Oh my God, no, I remember watching Clueless and thinking that- It's called Clue. Yeah, sorry. The girl version is Clueless. What? I didn't know there was a girl version of Clue. What's her name?

Sequel, Clueful. Alicia Silverstone. She has a smile where you can see her gums. And as a child, I was like, that's the coolest. And so I would try to smile like that. I remember like trying to smile. Try to smile like that right now. I can't even see your gums.

My teeth are too big. But she has small teeth and you can see your gums. And I always thought that was like so cool. So I'm like, maybe she saw something where she like liked how they smiled or something. It could just be something that she's imitating. Maybe, although I wonder if anyone has any self, when they're traditionally pretty.

No, she might be too little. Oh wait, what? You're talking about Alicia Silverstone? No, I was saying Emmy. Oh, Emmy, oh yes. That she was like, oh, I'm like Moana, you know, or something like that. Oh yeah, I don't know.

Maybe there's something that. I still to this day, it's very rare for me to do an open mouth smile because I've always been so embarrassed about my, self-conscious about my teeth. Since I was a kid. But your teeth are your calling card. You know, you just chomp into something and everyone knows you were there.

Yeah. You chomped into the couch right when you first got here. I will take a bite out of something before I leave any room. Your teeth are like an important part of who you are? I think they're a great teeth. I like them. I know some people do and it's weird the relationship that you have to your own body and all that.

Yeah. Is there a... Sometimes I don't care. You know what I mean? Yeah. But sometimes it's such an ingrained thing Yeah, it's really hard to to to shake myself out of that for sure I understand is there like a cutoff point where you decide like there's no sense in fixing anything

with my body As a woman, I don't think so. I think the society will tell you to keep going Yeah, I mean there there is a certain thing the society will tell you to keep going. Yeah. There is a certain thing of like, The substance. Where you kind of go like, Uh, surgery. The surgery risks.

Yeah. Like fixing my foot. I was kind of like, Do you know what? I saw an orthodontist, I think it was some show where I had to, a pilot that I did where I had to get a flipper, which was like a little fake piece.

Mr. Pimple pop. Much like little. Requel series. Guy without a doctorate who likes to pop pimples. He was more of a vigilante. I know about flippers from child pageantry. Like they lose their front teeth and then they have flippers to have teeth.

That's insane because of course kids are cute when they lose their teeth. and then they have teeth. That's insane because of course, kids are cute when they leave. Yeah. And also it's so expensive. Yeah. But the network made me get this thing to have to have like straight teeth in the front. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So crazy. Yeah, I know. What was it for? It was for a pilot that was written by a couple of guys who later went on to write Modern Family. And it was essentially like a modern Family kind of thing. Wow. I'm amazed that they did that.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they also made me get an acting coach. That's even more if I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, that was, yeah. Oh yeah, I'll shove a thing between my teeth,

but don't make me, don't pretend I can't handle this level of acting. Like the guy gets fired to go so it has to look sad. I nailed it. And the acting coach was actually very cool because she was like, look, I'm just here. I think you're doing a good job. If you need me, I'm here.

But I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Did they have that for everybody? Or you don't know? For the other people on the show? Yeah, she was available. No, just me. Because I do know if things were like, they have somebody like available for anyone if you want.

Basically it was like, there was one person who didn't want me for the role. And in order to have some control over it. Like it was conditional of like okay. Well, but I think he needs an acting coach. That's so, that's tough. That's not cool. But so I thought like, maybe I'll he needs an acting coach. That's so, that's tough. That's not cool. But so I thought like, maybe I'll do Invisalign

or something like that. And of course they're going to try to sell you on the most shit they can possibly sell you. Right. So this guy was like, here's what I would do. How about VisibleLine? Yeah, how about VisibleLine and you do this and that. And then also I would break your jaw and bring it forward.

Oh my God. I'll do that for free by the way. It was insane. Hey, thank you. I'll kick both your asses. And that kind of, that was the last time I considered doing anything about it. Yeah.

Cause then I was like, well, I mean, I'm this age and you know what I mean? It's kind of like someone put that idea in your head though with the post flipper that you were like, I should I mean, I'm this age and you know what I mean? Like someone put that idea in your head though, with the post flipper that you were like, I should go check, get this checked out. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's just like a negative. I, because of course, when I had the flipper and I would stare at myself, like

this is what it would be like if I had teeth like everybody else. Yeah. That's tough. I remember being in movement class when I was in acting conservatory, the biggest scam. It made me stick to my stomach. Yeah. But- How many thousands of dollars did that cost?

Actually, it was a cheap school, strangely enough. I think it was only like 175 bucks. Yeah, that's appropriate. A quarter, a semester or whatever. It was part of the California school system. And then the middle class would just be like, okay, everybody do jumping jacks. or whatever, it was part of the California school system. And then the middle class would just be like, okay, everybody do jumper jacks.

Roll around like a cat. You're a giraffe, you're a wild wild wildebeest, you're an elephant. But I remember the teacher saying, okay everyone now we're gonna do an exercise where you place your hands on the part of your body you hate, you're the least satisfied. I was like, no fucking way am I going to do this in front of every,

like these people that I'm in school with for two years. Elbow. Yeah. I was my, I picked my shoulder. I was like, yeah, it all, it always clicks. Whenever I do this, she's like, I hope the phrasing was least satisfied with because that's insane. That's so, so toxic. Yeah. They just want you to feel fuzz on the rubble in front of everyone.

By the way, that movement teacher, for the class- Died rolling into traffic. Yeah. Yeah. Uh. Yeah. Yeah.

Boiling. Boiling. Yeah. Died rolling into traffic. For the class after me, the first time they ever had classes I'm boiling. Yeah. I'm tired of rolling it to trap. For the class after me, the first time they ever had class, it's a two year program, right? And you're stuck with these people for two years.

And the first day they had class, everyone was supposed to do breathing exercise and close their eyes. And then everyone's eyes are closed. And then someone farts. And everyone like after the class was like, who was that, who was that? Who was it?

Who was it? Did everybody keep it together? Did it laugh? Everyone laughed and then everyone afterwards was like, own up to it, who was it, who was it? You don't have to own up to that, that's just funny for everybody. That's a treat for us all.

It's better to have it a mystery. But then two years later. Oh no. Two years later? Two years later, like towards the end of the conservatory, they're in another class and they're doing the breathing exercise and someone goes, and this guy goes, remember me.

And fessed up to it two years later. That's good, that's pretty good. Two years later, very funny. Remember me. Remember me. I love that. All right, we have to take a break. He's like Joker, oh. The Joker, you wanna talk about the Joker? have to take a break. He's like the Joker, oh.

The Joker? You wanna talk about the Joker when we get back? No, I was just saying he was like the Joker. In the movie, the Joker. Well, yeah, we're gonna talk about the Joker when we come back. Okay, we'll be right back. ["The Joker"] Audible's best of 2024 picks have arrived.

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Advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com slash threedom. So guys, the Joker. Foliado. Foliado. Still haven't seen it. Of course you haven't. What do you mean? I've seen it. No, you have not.

The Joker? The new one. Foliado. Oh, I thought you were translating Joker to be French. I didn't know what it was. The Foliado. Alequino. I've never seen that one and I don't think I will.

No, you join everyone else on Earth. I just got it on the DGA streaming stuff and I'm just fascinated by it. P.U. That could work though, you just throw it on. Throw it on while I do something else. Yeah, kind of just see the funny parts. I'm sure I've told you my famous story.

I hope so. Our famous story, me and Janie, it's a story we share. What is it? Of trying to watch The Joker. I don't know it. It was the year that that movie came out, we were getting all the screeners at holiday time,

we were going through all the movies. Oh, that's gonna please my family. And finally, the last movie we had not watched was Joker. Wow. And- They won awards so you gotta watch it. We were like, should we watch? Are we gonna?

Yeah. All right, let's try. We put the disc in. The movie begins. The very first frame is a makeup mirror with Joaquin Phoenix sitting in front of it. And Janie says, I can't do this. And we stop. It's not great. And we and Janie says, I can't do this.

And we stopped it. And we, I, because I felt the same way. That's good. We never watched it. That's hilarious. Took it out, got rid of it. Yeah, I watched that one with my father who was visiting and he was like, yeah, let's watch that.

Terrible movie. With daddy and daughter movie. Yeah. And it was pretty dark, you know? Yeah, terrible. Terrible movie. You watch daddy daughter movie? Yeah. And it was pretty dark. What was your dad's review? I think he liked it. It's like that show.

I don't really remember. We both were like, yeah. That was a movie. I think one thing I'm trying to get better about with my family is not telling them all of my negative thoughts about everything that we're watching because I have all my inside, you know, opinions about it. Like, I know that guy, he sucks or something. Like, whatever.

And I'm like, it's not helpful. So if they're like, oh, I like this, I'm like, that's great. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. Where you're like, this person doesn't need to know that that guy is the worst person on earth. They could just like the show.

Yeah. Yeah. Paul, do you have this where I've been finding lately that sometimes just people or things that have happened to me, I'm saying to Paul because we're of a certain age. Great. But things from the past or people that I used to know or something just pop in my head.

And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? Like people from 40, 45 years ago. Well, you know what I had? I was going through my email contacts, which I've never done. And I was like, Whoa, the names in here are from so long ago. And they were sparking lots of memories. I remembered so many people that I've, you know, like I knew by their name, I was like, Oh, wow, that guy, I haven't thought of him in a million years. And I, it was one of those things where now I have flashes of some of many people that I've, you know, like I knew by their name, I was like, oh wow, that guy, I haven't thought of him in a million years.

And it was one of those things where now I have flashes of some of these people that I haven't thought of in forever. I Googled some of them to see where they were, which was kind of like, how are they? You know, it's where it's like, oh, I find their LinkedIn, I see what they're up to,

and then I can just kind of close that book for myself. I'm like, what's that guy doing now that he's not doing improv? Oh, he's a therapist in Minnesota or something. Close laptop. Exactly. But that helps me, but I want to know more because as you're saying, you're of a certain age,

maybe you've experienced- This is not spurred by anything. No. Someone just pops in your head. Just like suddenly, like an image pops in my head of like this thing that happened to me or a person I used to know. Oh, I have that a lot.

I'm like, why? I have that about things that I'm embarrassed about or. Oh, sure. Not even things I'm embarrassed about, just like people. I assume I have that, but usually I feel like it's connected to something reminds me of that, but it's very sudden. Yeah, it's just very vivid for me where it's like suddenly I'm there. And does it feel upsetting?

No, it's just like that. I'm just sort of like, why? I mean, it's great that I'm remembering this after 40, 45 years, but why? Like it has no bearing on my life. I was lying in bed last night and waiting to fall asleep, waiting for the Sandman to sprinkle his sand on my face. And that's a guy you know. Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler, yeah. He of like, I really wanna see that again. Yeah. I wanna see that, that tiny sliver of view. You know what I mean?

So I would like to see that again. Book a trip to Philly and break into someone's house. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's kind of interesting? And I'm there now. Yeah, but Paul's been on Zoom, really? Yeah. You're there. They don't know I'm here.

And the lights behind you look so perfect. Thank you. There's this thing you can do, which probably wouldn't work for what you want because what you want is a night mode version of something. I do. But you can go on Google maps and go back in time. Yes.

And that's so cool. And that's so cool. And that's so cool. And that's so cool. And that's so cool. By the way, there's a house down the street here that is so fucking gross. And it's been that way for six years, just dilapidated, falling apart.

And there's a billboard in front of it saying like something construction. Like they're pretending that this is going to get better. Yeah. Wait, is that that house that was being on a gingerbread six years ago? Oh, yeah. Did that witch go in there? Yeah. Oh, guess what? You can't build a house out of food. It's going to go bad, sweetie. Yeah. Oh, guess what? You can't build a house out of food. It's gonna go bad, sweetie. Yeah, witches aren't real. Well, that part's not true. Well, she's a Wiccan. Did you

see that Kathy and Jimmy, there's like an old 90s interview with her when Hocus Pocus was coming out and she was concerned about doing Hocus Pocus because she didn't want to offend actual witches. I sort of remember that. Yeah. She was on the news. I thought it was great. And Practical Magic, same thing. Yeah, that's a good movie. news. I thought it was great. I'm practical magic, same thing. Yeah, that's a good movie. Diane Weist was like, I don't want to offend any assholes. I love her. She's great.

She is underrated. She is. She's one of the best actors of our time. She needs to be rated. J'agree. She needs to be rated A plus. Yes. Wait, I have another.

This is us. I don't think Lauren was done, but yeah, go ahead. All I was going to say is you can just go back and see how long something has been how it is, which is kind of satisfying and unsatisfying. But I enjoy the even just picking a random place in your life and going back on Google Maps at the time you were there and like looking at it. How far back does it go? Because like Google Maps?

Yeah, like I mean, I feel like 10, 15 years maybe could be wrong. I feel like it goes pretty far. It's not enough. not enough for me. No, for sure, for sure. Janie sent me this story about this woman who disappeared. Lived in a shoe. I've heard this one. Woman who what?

Lived in a shoe. That's an old woman. Oh, okay. This is a younger woman. No shoe living. She lives in a boot. She lives in a shoe. That's an old woman. Oh, okay. Who's the younger woman? No shoe living. She lives in a boot. She lives in a boot. You might live in a boot. She, she, um, you know what?

I got to look at it because I got to look at this. While you're doing that, I want to add one more thing about the Google Maps. Do you remember when Arcade Fire had that music video? Yes, the disgraced Arcade Fire. Had that music video? Yes, I remember. Weren't they regraced?

I think they're okay. I think people are not stopping them. People have just moved on. Okay. I don't know all the ins and outs and I'm not going to speak on that. But the thing with their music video where you type in your childhood address. You type in your childhood address and then it shows you using Google Maps. It goes, oh, you're on a bike ride on Google Maps

through your old neighborhood. It was so fucking cool. That is cool. I showed it to, I found it in the morning before Cool Up got up and I did it for myself. And then I said, Cool Up, you gotta watch this. You didn't tell her how it worked. I just typed in, or I asked her what her address was.

I didn't say what it was and she watched it and she was crying. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I wanna do it again. she watched it and she was crying. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I want to do it again. You think it's still a thing? I wonder. Let's see arcade.

What would I look up? Arcade fire. Discraced arcade fire. Arcade fire music video Google maps. There it's the first thing that pops up. Interactive video for the subber. God, that album was seminal. All right, here's what it was.

Yeah. In 2013, the Seattle Times published this story about this woman named Lori Ruff who died in 2010. The side is down. The arcade side. It's down. Who died in 2010. Who died? Leaving a husband and child in Texas.

Years earlier, she had stolen another person's identity. Who was she really? Well, this woman who had like all these different identities over the years, I went to high school with her. What? She was a year behind me until my senior year when her family moved. And then after the family moved,

she fucking ran away from home at 18 and like said, don't, don't try to find me. Wow. Goodbye. I'm done. And then the family completely lost track of her. And then after she died, they pieced it together. Like they put all of her different, you know, driver's licenses and shit in the paper. And then finally somebody from Philly, from the Philly area, saw and said, Oh my God, that's our, that's our daughter or whatever. Oh my God. He was from Philly. I just wondered if it was Benjamin Franklin. Okay. There are a couple notable people from there.

Two notable people. Yeah. I saw an article about a man, and again, that's just an article I just saw. I haven't gotten a chance to read it. I don't have time to sit down and look at it all. Okay, okay. In depth. Okay, okay.

This one was about a man who faked his death. He had a wife and kids. He faked his death so he could go to another country and be with some woman he was cheating with. I love that. I just have to read how he did it. Cause I'm like, what kind of, how are you faking your death? You basically, cause I need to know how to do that. The easiest way. And what mistakes not to make. How do you get caught? Easiest way to do it is to throw your wallet into a fire, like something that's burned

down or something. Just throw your wallet into a fire. That's a great idea. So it's just like a pristine wallet on top of ashes. Or he must've been holdingistine wallet on top of ashes. Oh, he must've been holding his wallet up above the flames. He must've been like, get to be so annoying to go to the DMV. But they can't prove anything. So, but I read a bunch of articles about,

cause I was working on something about someone faking their death. And they said that's the easiest, like the most, the way where no one can ever like claim that you weren't dead or anything like that. So if his car was like exploded and then he's just like gone. Just fire. They say that's it.

Yeah. They just, this person burned to death in this fire for whatever reason. It sounds like people don't want to do more work. I don't know. Cause that's pretty, you're just taking it at face value. Yeah. Yeah. His wallet's here.

He must've been in here. Yeah. No evidence of that? Don't need it. Do you think this person, Paul, who had all the aliases was trying to get away from a bad situation or at 18 were they, sorry that there's a little bug in front of you.

I thought you were break dancing. Well, it's a microphone, I know. It was actually pretty good. Break dancing if you. He was like. I did a were break dancing. Well, it's a microphone, I know. It was actually pretty good. Break dancing, if you- He was like. I did a kangaroo hop. But do you think this person was trying to get out of a bad situation and then changing their identity

to escape something, or do you think that they were mentally ill and doing a bunch of weird shit? I would say probably the latcher. There's not a lot of, obviously, not a lot of information as to why, because everyone was so surprised by this. And I'm trying to think if I, like, because I went online to my, all my high school yearbooks are online. And so I went and looked her up and I don't remember interacting with her, you know? But I wanna go back and see like,

were we in any of the same clubs? Like, was she in the chorus in any of the shows? Or anything like that. But yeah, it was really strange. That is crazy. Yeah. That's cool, they're online. Kind of.

Yeah, it's strange. Is it? I don't know. Is it through like, classmates.com or whatever? Or it's just- whatever or it's just no It's the actual school doesn't exist anymore, but somebody is keeping it up They're all empty You know, you'd be there be pictures of the students just question marks You know, there'd be pictures of the students, just question marks.

Why isn't anyone coming here? Who would it be if there was a school? But you know what? I did find this picture, which I hadn't seen in a really long time, of me in a production of Hansel and Gretel that we did in the fall of my sophomore year. Let's see it.

Yeah. Let's see it. And, yeah. And I played one of, me and this other girl played assistance to the witch. Assistance? Yeah. So this is like a made up part in order to give kids something to do. And I think my name was Rasputin. Great.

But here we go. You gotta have a full crazy name. Oh my God, that's so cute. Oh. Let me see that shit. I had to wear, I do wear tights and I was very self-conscious about that. Wow. Because of your bulge? Yeah.

You should print that out. I was like, all I'm gonna be talking about is my gigantic package. You should print that. How old were you? Yeah, you should send that to Lauren. We should put it on the Freedom USA. I would have been.

He can upload that himself. Actually, I don? Yeah, you should send that to Lauren. We should put it on the Freedom USA. I would have been. He can upload that himself. You know, actually I won't even say that. Okay, great. I would have been 16. 16. 16. What an age.

Wow, those are the days. 15 plus one. Yep. 20 minus four. 15 plus one. Yep. 20 minus one. Sweet 16, Paul. How did that feel? It felt great. I do remember being 16. I had my between sophomore and junior year, I had my final growth spurt to the height that I am now, although maybe I'm shrinking. Might be going the other way now. And I got my first decent haircut.

Wow. And I got my first girlfriend. Oh. Yeah, it was a big year. It was a big year. It was a big year. Did you get your, oh no, you didn't get your driver's license. No.

It's insane we like kids drive at 16. It is kind of nuts. It's terrible. What should the cutoff be? I think you should probably be, well, 18. Shouldn't it be rental car? Once you start to be able to drink, then let's put you in a car. No, 25 for rental car.

That's too late to be driving for the first time. Why is it okay for a rental car? What do they know that we don't? Is it 16? Okay, 18 makes sense. But is it 16 because at least then your parents can kind of give you two years of instructions? Hey, man, I got news for you.

None of it makes sense, baby. None of it makes sense, baby. Let's get rid of all laws. We're all living in a dream. I mean, I just was with some teenagers who are related to me. Weird. Who are related to me.

Okay, so you're hanging out with kindergartners, you're hanging out with teenagers. And my cousins' children. And they're all wonderful, but they're teenagers. And I was, you know, you kind of realize how young that is once you're, you haven't even been around, I haven't been around teenagers often at all.

And then I'm like, oh my God, they're driving and stuff. It's very tough. And my brother used to like drive literally 85 miles an hour down suburban streets Jesus. With me in the car and I'd be like, what if there was a kid running his bike with sunglasses in his eyes shut call back call back life call back. This would be at night.

But this would be at night when like, oh yeah, you know, take him to whatever and like, take him to a pilot. Yeah. Take him to a pilot. At first I thought you said take him to islands. What was the age difference? Take him to islands. Get a basket of fries.

What was what? How much older was your brother than you? Two and a half years. Oh, that's not much. But two grades. Yeah. But yeah, just legitimately, I much. But two grades. Yeah. But yeah, just legit. I remember just being legitimately frightened

that I was going to die. And he was doing it to show off to his friends and stuff. Sure. Watch how fast I can go. I know. And this is in a station wagon with wood paneling on the sides and stuff. Oh, I was thinking about station wagons.

That doesn't exist anymore, right? No, they don't. There's no such thing as a station wagon. Mini vans took them all over. Mini vans, crossovers. Yeah. I had the thought that they should make a new model that looks like the old thing,

because people would love that, but then it's like, then that would be everywhere. Because you know, that would be so cool. I feel like a lot of people like my generation would be like, that's the family car then. We're going to buy the old, like, woody, but it's like nice inside. If they can update all the safety. Cars are ugly now now. I think we don't have enough fun with them.

I've already said this. We need more colors, more colors. We need more fun. I want blues. I want purples. I want greens. Can I say, I feel like I do see a variety of colors here in Los Angeles, at least. Yeah. I saw a really orange, like a Sherbert orange Prius that I thought was gorgeous yesterday. And I was like, this is what I'm talking about. But it takes so much longer. I was, cause I got my first car in a while, a couple of years ago. And by the way, I've driven 3000 miles in it in two years.

I don't drive anywhere. But it takes so much longer to get a specialty color that I really wanted like a matte blue instead of the typical blue. And they were like, oh, it's gonna take you three or four extra months. And I was just like, forget it. What's up with that?

What's up with that? What's up with that? What's up with that? The painting process should take, that should be the last step. And it should be like whatever color you want. Yeah. Like you just order it and they're like,

yeah, it's waiting here for you. It's nude. It just needs a paint choice. Yeah. Things should be faster. Yeah. Yes. When you want them, you should have them. I agree.

Would you ever get your car painted? I did when I was young. Did you really? Yeah. Cause I had kind of a shitty car and it was beige as I got it. Cause I had kind of a shitty car and it was beige. I rick as I recall. And, um, and then I came into some money from gambling in Las Vegas and I got it like paint job and all the, and like a sport kind of thing on the back and like turn spoiler spoiler. Yeah.

And turned it into like, like a more cool car or whatever. And this was a Honda Civic. It was something, yeah, like a Toyota or whatever. Right, right. But I remember feeling happier at least. Yeah, I feel happier. When I would drive to pick someone up on a date or whatever, and that'd be incredibly embarrassing. There was this video that my godfather had taped off of the Disney Channel for me

when I was a kid. I'm gonna tape something for you off the Disney Channel. Pretty much. He would... Because I didn't have that channel. You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding with this thing taped off the Disney Channel. And it was like some sort of show from like the 80s. And it was like, there was a montage... Some sort of show during the 80s?

There was a montage where a kid and older guy like re like did a car, like painted a car and whatever. They spray paint it. They had to they had these like, like, I don't know what tape, like painter's tape or something on the car. And then they were spray. I just loved I watched this so many times and I loved when they would peel off the tape.

It looked like so soft and I just loved how it looked. I'm gonna buy you some painter's tape. Okay. For Christmas. Hey, don't tell me. You just sleep with it. All right, we have to take a break. Okay.

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WeightWatchers.com. Uh, hey guys, uh, after this we're done. Oh, that's what she said. Oh, Lauren. Lauren who? Who said it? She did. She said that. You? No, someone else. Who said it? She did. She said that. You? No, someone else. You guys don't even know that.

We don't even know. We don't even know. Oh, is everything all right? Hey, that's actually no way that was. That's what she said. That was everything. That was so unpredictable. This is this was I was thinking about.

You can bring unpredictable fun to your fingertips with. That's what she said. Second edition from moose games Oh, your favorite game is back with all new outrageous situations that will keep everyone laughing just like Paul is right now Let me tell you about How you play this because I'm so glad you brought it up match Wacky red setup cards with funny blue phrase cards to see who has the dirtiest sense of humor Probably 400 new innuendo filled phrases,

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guaranteed no two rounds are ever the same. It's like the gift that keeps on giving. And with the holidays approaching, or here, let's be real, or here, let's be real. The holidays are here, let's be real about it. Here, let's be real. Yeah, or here, let's be real. Might we actually suggest gifting?

Yeah, you know what? We played this the other night, and we'll definitely be bringing it out again. That's what she said. That's what she said. It was so fun, and we're gonna find what. That's what she said. That's what she said. It was so fun. And we're gonna find what, that's what she said. Yep.

Where you can find it, which is at the target.com or the amazon.com. That's what she said. Amazon.com, that's what she said. Target.com set. That's what she said, second edition. You guys don't even know. You don't even know.

Are we starting immediately or can I eat a chip? Eat one chip. Eat one chip, Lauren. That was two. That's two. You're going in for a third. You third? You son of a bitch.

Look at how many chips you're eating. This is outrageous. This is not rages. Brett, leave this in. Leave all of this in. Lauren's just eating and I know it bugs people and I want everyone to know that it's Lauren Lapkus who? Bothered them with all these she ate all of her chips. Oh, no, there's still a few in that bag

I can't believe she didn't put them all or gaping ma. Are you recording? Yes, and I'm always recording she refuses to share She didn't offer chip you can have one have some. That's not offering me. I've sealed it. You'll never get back in there. That's just like giving me permission. Zip lock. Hi everyone. We're back.

And Paul, I was, I was confused the other day. Uh huh. What? Because I was trying to think of what a Three-Ture was. Oh my god. It's so easy. It's so easy. Yeah, I know how to tell you.

Tell me. A Three-Ture is a game that, really. Yeah, I know how to tell you. Tell me. A three-trick game that we like to play, also known as a buster. Always thinking about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass. Mm-hmm. So no, I don't want your number. And no, I don't wanna give you mine.

No, I don't wanna meet you nowhere. No, I don't want to meet you nowhere. No, I don't want none of your time because I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs.

Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs.

Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs, I don't want no scrubs. you. And this game, this creature was submitted to us by Elliot Matson. Thank you. E.T. phone your mother. Lauren, when you're right, you're right. And here's what

happens is that two of us will be the parents. How insane is it that he was called ET? He called himself ET after a while. He accepted it. He was like, you're ET. And he's like, my name's ET. Do you think if like when they were trying to take one of us up to their planet, they called us HB?

Home basers? Human being. HB, get your ass over here. I want to probe you. My name is Lauren. Your name is HB. Homebasers. Homebasers. It'd be great to see a sequel to ET. Where are they now? Henry Thomas still alive, still great. Still doing great stuff.

Steven Spielberg still around. They can build a better fucking puppet. I thought it was great. Drew Barrymore still with us. Drew Barrymore! No, if they did it now though, I need zero CGI. I need all practical effects.

I agree. I can't have one moment where I think a computer made that. Maybe a light can be on that's CGI. No. No? Like a lamp? Yeah. That's interesting.

Maybe like when the doors open in the house, they're all CGI. The doors are all CGI. Yeah. I'll give them that. And maybe the windows? Maybe, sure. Upstairs that. And maybe the windows? Maybe. Sure. Upstairs windows?

If they want to. Upstairs windows, doors, kitchen, kitchen and fridge doors and stuff. That's included in cabinets. We're kidding around. But what if the spaceship is CGI? Is that a deal breaker for you? Yeah.

If ET is practical. I need it to be real. It's not that fucking hard. I need the spaceship to be real. Spielberg's got a ton of money now. I might argue it's cheaper to make the real Spee-ship than it is to make a whole CGI world. It's cheaper to make real Spee-ship.

Real Spee-ship. Real Spee-ship. We need to see the real Spee-ship. Spee-C phone home. Yet ya phone home. HB phone home. Hellbazers. HB phone home.

HB. No. No. We've captured you in our human zoo. I just want to call one person. Just let them know where I am. On Mars or wherever the fuck I am. Oh shit. They would get so mad if you called their planet Mars. What if they were from Mars?

It's not Mars. It's not one of the mains that you talk about. This is another one we live on. Off-brand planet. It's called one of the mains that you talk about. This is another one we live on. Off brand planet. It's called Mojo. Mojo? Mojo? That's nice.

Here's how we play this fucking game. Austin Powers was born here. He was an alien. That's you're trying to play with the aliens. Austin Powers was born here. A-P-H-B was born on Mojo. Oh wait, he was born on Mojo? Yeah. Wow.

But he's a human being. His name's APHB. Yeah. Two humans had sex because they were taken there. On Mojo. They had AP and then. So he could vote in their elections. Yeah.

It doesn't work like that. He was an anchor baby. Only people who aren't from there can vote. Anchor baby, I haven't heard that in their elections. Yeah. It doesn't work like that. He was an anchor baby. Only people who aren't from there can vote. Anchor baby! I haven't heard that in such a long time. I know. Do you think they'll get rid of that?

I don't want them to. I don't know what that is. It's a... Anchor baby. Can't be it. It's not a... Into the country for free. I don't mean...

It's kind of a derogatory term actually, so I apologize for saying it. Yeah, it is. It didn't sound good. But it's, I say it because I'm married to someone who is... You're married to an ankle baby. Yes, but it's someone who, the child of immigrants who's born on US soil automatically gets US citizenship, and people are trying to take that away. People don't like birthright citizenship.

I think we're definitely the people to spark on that. I wasn't listening. I fully copped to it. I wasn't listening to your ass. Maybe I didn't say it, but it's called sitcom heart to heart. Sitcom heart to heart? Who suggested this? Elliot Madsen. Yes.

Now you remember. Let's talk about ET for a little bit. Elliot Madsen? Madsen. Okay, but how, what's that song? M-A-T-S-O-N. He's mad. He's mad. He's mad. You know it. Max Madsen? Madsen. Okay, but how, what's that song? M-A-T-S-O-N. He's mad, he's mad, he's mad, Max Madsen. You know it.

Was that a local commercial from Chicago? Yeah, probably. All right. He's mad, he's mad, he's mad, he's mad, Max Madsen. I think it was a car dealership. And was he mad? He's mad because he's crazy with those crazy little prices. Yeah. And he sold Mad Max cars?

Yeah. Why aren't they ever crazy with high prices? Yeah. He's insane. He's charging a thousand dollars for salt. He's got a crazy supermarket. All right. Sitcom Hard to Hard, submitted by Elliot Mathsen. Elliot. All right, sitcom heart to heart, submitted by Elliot Matheson. Elliot. Elliot. Two of us will be the parents in a sitcom.

The third of us will be a child. And this is the heart to heart moment of the show where the parents have to explain to the child that the child has done something wrong. But here's the catch. The child doesn't know what it is and has to figure out from the context clues of the people playing the parents. I love it. It's one of the four variations. I love it. I love it. I love it. I don't care. I love it. I like it. I like it a lot. All

right. So who will be the parents first? From like Dumb and Dumber or something? it. I like it. I like it a lot. All right, so who will be the parents first? Who is that from, like Dumb and Dumber or something? Yeah. I like it a lot. I like it a lot. I like you a lot. Lauren and I are gonna be the parents. Okay. We're going to communicate with each other regarding.

Via textual messages. Via textual messages. Textual messages. She'll sext each other. Yeah, let's sext each other. Why not sext each other? Just to taste over your tits and this is the problem. Ew!

You're sicko. Oh, that's hot. Why not sex to each other? Hey, show me your tits and this is the problem. Ew! You're sicko. Oh, that's hot. Not even a request, an order. Sick and nasty. I don't see a message from you. Well, I haven't written one, honey.

I don't see a message from you. I was waiting for yours, sweetheart. Oh, I was supposed to do it? I don't know. I just thought we'd kind of open up the lines of communication. Hey, you guys fucking suck. It's fun to curse.

Or am I alone? You guys don't agree? I'm writing down what you did. Okay. All right. Okay. Could you? What? You told me to do this. I think it should be a little more gentle. Like the music that we play. I don't, I can't sift through hours of recordings. You just said find generic sitcom music. And you did. So why can't you find sad sitcom music?

I'm not going. You act like this is impossible. Okay, then you're sad. I wish people could see Scott's face. This is typical. Wrong. Yeah. See now, how's it feel with Paul telling you you're doing a bad job,

even though you did your best? These are this is a variety of stings. Yeah. Did you have time to go through these before we were on the air? No. No. We're on the air by the way. For these ones and zeros were created.

They're just stings though, they're not long enough. Oh my fuck. I look, I just had an idea. You agree right? It didn't work out, I'm sorry. Yeah. What, wait, what did she agree to? Here, here, how about this, how about this, how about this, how about this, how about this, how about Yeah. What, wait, what did she agree to? Here, here, how about this?

How about this, how about this, how about this, how about this, how about this? What did she agree to? That you suck. All right, I'm gonna play it again. And this is fine. Here, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. This has to work.

They're having a heart to heart. I thought the music was gonna stop. Oh, we already recorded the scene, that's great. Mom and dad, what are you doing in my bedroom? It's not gonna work. Everything just says upbeat, playful, fun. It's not gonna work. Transition scene change, and let me try transition scene change.

See if it's more to your liking. I've given up. I good. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect, thank you. Scott, given up. I, good. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. Thank you. Scott, great job. Hey, hun. Thank you so much. I don't need your after me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hun. You're getting another one. Can you stop playing your video game for a second? Stop playing your video game. Paulie D. I'm so close to the next level. Just, we just want to talk to you for just a second. How close are you? Okay. Pretty close.

Let's watch him. All right. Go ahead. Okay. I did it. Good job, son. Wow, you were that close. Let's watch him. All right. Go ahead. Okay. I did it. Good job, son. Wow, you were that close. That was really close. Sorry I interrupted you.

Sorry I interrupted you, honestly. That's all right. What did you guys want to talk about? Well, you know, we kind of wanted to sit down and talk to you about something. And we hate that we only come in here when we have a problem. Yeah. You know what I mean? I kind of knew there was something up when you walked in.

But you're really lucky you have a TV and video game console in your room. And we never speak to you other than if we have a complaint. And my own phone? Yeah. I got a mini fridge in here. And a maxi fridge. What's in there by the way? And I got adult posters.

Yeah, these are a little too sexy. Yeah, these are all of adults. Well, I think they're sensual. Okay, you know, speaking of your mini fridge, I wanted to address a couple things about that. I don't know, how do I couple things about that. How do I do this? Well, we've been having issues with some of the things you've been doing lately. What? Like what specifically? Your intake.

With stuff that you intake and things that you take in. We're concerned about your health. We're worried about some of the things. I'm fine. Look, I can jump and run. Let's see. You know, and we'll be the judge. That was maybe half an inch off the ground. You didn't say you were running. Jump high. Half an inch off the ground.

Oh, my God, that was really high. It's like you lifted your guns to do it. Look. It's like you lifted your gun to do it. Um, look, I'm worried about what you're eating. What's wrong with what I'm eating? Everybody likes it. The whole, all the kids in school are eating the same thing. Really? Everyone's doing that? All the cool ones.

It doesn't feel like something that everyone's doing. It feels like something only you're doing. What's wrong with it? Well, it was fine when it was certain berries. And it was fine when it was certain juices. But now I'm starting to feel like your skin is changing color from what you're doing. Why just what color?

Stop asking us questions. It's very limited. We're trying to be delicate. I don't fucking get you guys. It's very limited. What do you eat? What do you eat every meal? Carrots.

No. No. If you've ever had a carrot. Beets. No. Mashed potatoes. No. Pomegranate. No. you haven't eaten any of these it's like an

extraterrestrial what because I eat too many Reese's pieces no what color has it turned I you know I'm colorblind mom what do, what do you think? It's like you have frostbite or something. Brown. You've brown frostbite. Gray. Brown frostbite. I mean, too many popsicles? Popsicles are fine. Yes, popsicles are included. Yes.

We don't care if you eat any of these foods, but. That was the big deal. To only eat them based on what they look like. That's a problem for us. Soap? You are eating soap? No, no. If any soap is missing it's because I clean myself a lot. I mean, have you noticed any soap missing? I've noticed some soap missing. How much? A good amount. Look how clean I am. I had one special one from Bath and Body Works that was like a Christmas berry, boysen berry sort of thing.

Delicious. So good. Some sort of Razz. Some sort of Razz. I thought it had a Razz flavor to it. Well, it doesn't have a flavor. It's a scent. Look, it was fine when you started at breakfast eating like Boo Berry.

Right. The cereal. Yeah. That's what kids eat. Yeah, Right, cereal. Yeah. That's what kids eat. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. And it was fine when you said, I'm only gonna have blueberries for breakfast.

Yeah, it's fruit, so it's a big deal. But when it started to be that you would only, you would say, oh mom, I can't have pizza. It's not. Not blue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just like blue food. Is that so bad? Why it's all you're eating. It's a great color. It's one third of the American flag colors and I'm very patriotic.

But not all the way. This is my concern. No one third patriotic. What third of being paid? Like what do you like about Patriots? I'll stay here and live here. I guess. It's not very patriotic. It's a third patriotic. All right. All right. of being like, what do you like about Patriots? I'll stay here and live here, I guess. It's not very patriotic. It's a third patriotic. All right, all right. He's good.

Honestly, honey, he's got a point. Mom, dad. Yeah. I'm sorry I let you down. I know I've been eating too much blue food. And that's all I eat. And I know that it's because I'm trying to impress some kids at school.

And they all look like Appalachian, blue skin people. Maybe they are. It's all right. I mean. Just can you incorporate red and white into your diet? Be a real patriot. That's all we want. Is there any food that's red or white?

I can't even think of anything. Strawberries, mashed potatoes. What? Dad? Pizza. Bread. Some parts of pizza. I want the red parts of pizza.

The sauce and the pepperoni. And the white parts, the cheese. Sure. Yeah! And the crust. No orange cheese. None taken. Hey, mom and dad.

Hey, what? You guys are great. Hey, you know what? Do do do do do do do do do. Blah blah, blah blah blah. Oh no. Is this from V? Is this from V?

Is this when she eats the rat? This is only $25 available in subscriptions. Only $25?! Why is it more than a real song? What?! You subscribe to that? I don't know. That's not fair.

Well guys, that's a three-ture. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Yeah. Let's shout freedom over it. Okay. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. Freedom! I'm having trouble with his interface, darling. Freedom! His interface? God? See, every time, okay, you would think if I bring it back to the beginning.

You would think. When it's on pause, that wouldn't just automatically start playing. Guess what? I don't know what the fuck you're looking at. Next time. I wouldn't think anything because I don't know what you do. Okay, darling. Yeah, you do. Maybe I will. You do it and it will be perfect, I'm sure. It probably will be. Thank you for listening to our wonderful program. I don't know why you do. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Thank you for listening to our wonderful program. I don't know why you do. Look, you have an illness. Hey, thanks for not making it over to your phone

to change it to another show. Yeah. You know, if you wanna send us a three-chart to play, you can send that to threedomusa.gmail.com. That's correct. Somebody has access to that. Somebody's got to. Somebody has to. Yeah. And if you'd like to leaveusa.gmail.com. That's correct. Somebody has access to that. Somebody's got to. Somebody has to.

Yeah. And if you'd like to leave us a, please. Please, go ahead. If you'd like to, you know, I've never said this. If you'd like to leave us a voicemail, you can do so by going to hagclaims8.com. You've never said that before? Hagclaims8.com.

Wow. I don't think so. And look, if you wanna hear- We're gonna be straight with you. Look, if you want to hear all of the older episodes of the older episodes of this, we have over 200, go be our guest. It's your life. Be our guest. Put our fitness to the test. Put our fitness to the test. We will stretch and touch that ruler that's attached to Elm and milk carton. Be our guest.

Go head over to CBBworld.com and you can. Okay. CBBworld is where all the previous episodes are. And if you want to hear them without doing that, every Tuesday we re-release new episodes. It's called Three Visiting on the Two's. And it's an old episode and you'll have fun doing it.

Yeah. You know how young our voices are. Yes. And it's an old episode and you'll have fun doing it. And- You know how young our voices are. Yes, and every other Wednesday we have three meme episodes if you are a subscriber at CBB World or at Lemonada Premium. And those are little miniature episodes where we answer your questions. Miniature, fun size.

From voicemails. From voicemails. And Paul and I at least are going to be doing a live show here in Los Angeles, December 13th, the Comedy Bang Bang live show at the United Theater on Broadway. Wow, that'll probably be really cool. That's correct.

And I'm gonna say this Saturday, probably the 23rd. That's correct. And I wanna say- I'm gonna be- Oh. He just wanted to mention the date. Just wanted to say the 23rd is this Saturday. I thought you were saying that was the date of that show.

Sorry, guys. I will be in Charleston, South Carolina, at the Charleston Music Hall doing my variety show, varietopia music, comedy, lots of fun. Come on out. November 23rd. November 23rd, this coming Saturday. And December 18th, Mary Holland and I will be returning with our two-person improv show at Dynasty Typewriter.

You can see it live in person, or you can watch the live stream at your own leisure. What's it called again? It's called Lappie Hollandaise. Lappie Hollandaise. Lappie Hollandaise. Lappie Hollandaise. And if you like comic books, I'm writing Spider-Man every Tuesday, a new issue of Astonishing Spider-Man.

And if you don't, he's still doing it. Yeah. He doesn't care what you like. You're not going to stop him. Be great if you liked it and wanted to read it. But I don't know. That's over at Marvel Unlimited, where you can get everything Marvel's ever put out as well as these things. Holy shit.

Yeah. Wow. That's going to be it. I love you very much. Good night. Guys, thank you for listening. We love you very much. Good night. Guys, thank you for listening. We love you. Good morning.

We'll be back next week. Thanksgiving. Yep. Special Thanksgiving episode next week. Special Thanksgiving episode. But before that, we have a threemium. Anyway, we'll see you. Bye.

Bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life.

Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lupita Nyong'o. My new podcast, Mind Your Own, is a storytelling show that navigates what it means to belong, all from the African perspective. We're going beyond the headlines to dive into nuanced, intimate stories from Africans around the world. I'm so excited to bring this show to you. Listen to Mind Your Own on Amazon Music.