Threedom - Can *I* Get a Box of Donuts?
Episode Date: July 11, 2024Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss that one famous frog, a celebrity sighting, and bad 60s music before playing Hitting The Post. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to three...domusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.com Grab some new Threedom merch at www.kinshipgoods.com/cbbwSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hi, it's me, Ricky Lake.
You probably know me from my hit 90s talk show,
but if I'm being totally honest,
I was juggling so much and didn't have time to stop
and think about what truly went into living
a full and vibrant life.
Well, fast forward to today,
I'm 55 and a half years old and I am happier than ever.
And I'm so excited to help you find your joy
on my new show, The High Life with Ricky Lake.
Together we'll learn new ways to live better. Listen, The High Life with Ricky Lake.
Together we'll learn new ways to live better.
Listen to The High Life with Ricky Lake from Lemonada Media coming July 16th, wherever
you get your podcasts.
Hey everybody.
That includes me.
And me.
Thanks for listening to this week's episode.
If you want more of me, Paul and Lauren, and I know you do, you should join us over on
Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts.
That's what it is.
Where subscribers get exclusive access to our 3mium episodes.
In each 3mium episode, we take your calls and listen to your voicemails and we answer
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and listen to your questions.
Be answered by your pretzel gang on Lemonada Premium.
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and then clicking the subscribe button.
Who's this guy?
I don't know but I like him.
Sir, sir could you please? I think he's a little crap. Hey Paul. Sorry about button! Who's this guy? I don't know, but I like him. Sir?
Sir, could you please?
I think he's the little crab.
Hey, Paul.
Sorry about that, who was that guy?
Someone took your place for a minute.
Yeah.
That little crab.
And we liked him better.
Why do the crabs do that?
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom! Freedom! Michigan Jay? He's crazy. He's legitimately clinically insane. And he's clinically depressed.
Michigan Jay? Michigan Jay Frog, my dear. His name was Michigan Jay? You know the frog that would sing,
hello my baby. WB Frog. Sure. Yeah, Michigan Jay Frog. I think I only know this specifically because
I work for the WB a little bit and... Oh and so he always like talks to you about what's going on with your work. Yeah, with my problems.
Yeah, with your problems.
He's HR.
I think that is how I learned the name too,
was from the WB.
Yeah, they made everyone answer the phone saying,
dubba dubba WB.
Yeah, which they should.
Honestly, this is a good old days.
Like I'm saying like, we don't do stuff like that.
No, no one answers the phone anymore.
No.
Yeah, but honestly, if you call WB right now and they said, double, double, double WB,
that would rock your socks off. Yeah. If you were born at a certain time, if you were,
yeah, if you were three years old, if you're like, hooray, if you were 20, you'd be like, what?
Cause you're cynical and you're trying to be cool. You didn't know about the WB.
But once you hit 21, you're like, I you didn't know about the WB and all the great shows.
I'm finally drunk.
This rules.
I am played by the rules.
Now I get to read the rules.
I find it interesting.
So the Michigan J. Frog, of course, if you don't know who it is, it's the little frog
that wears maybe a top hat or whatever.
The guy who owns him is like, oh, he's a singing performing frog.
The guy who owns him. I don't think he's a singing performing frog. Who owns him?
I don't think we get much of him on the WB.
He finds him somewhere, right?
Right. And puts him in a box.
And it's a singing frog when he sees him.
Hello, my honey. Hello, my baby.
Hello, my ragtime girl.
And he does a big dance and all that.
But anytime people are- And he's good.
He's actually legit.
He's a real showman.
He's got technique.
Not even just for a frog.
No, not even just for a frog. No, not even just for a frog.
No, he's good for a, like a tiger.
He is good for a person.
No, he's bad for a person.
No.
I mean, if you saw a person doing that, would you pay even three dollars?
Someone who's dancing like that?
I'd be impressed.
You'd be impressed.
But would you tip him three dollars?
Yeah, I would.
I'd run up on stage and I'd say, here's $3.
I'd give him a three.
By the way, we're on tour right now.
Could you guys tip us while we're on stage, please?
No one ever said you couldn't.
Yeah, run up on stage and give us $3.
I don't know if that's a good thing to say.
Please don't run up on stage.
That's not good.
Yeah.
Anyway, so it was always very frustrating to me as a kid.
Of course, yes.
Because it's the standard. Anytime people would come to watch, Anyway, so it was always very frustrating to me as a kid. Of course, yes.
Because it's the standard,
anytime people would come to watch,
it would just be like pretend to be a regular frog
that couldn't sing.
And then when people would leave,
the minute they were out of the room,
the Michigan Jay frog would sing.
But I found, you know, it's so common
that they had to change that feeling of frustration for kids.
It's so common they had to change Snuffleupagus
to no longer being an imaginary friend.
Now Snuffleupagus, Big Bird's imaginary friend supposedly
that everyone's like, okay, Big Bird,
now he's out there in the wild
and people are like, oh, hey, Snuffleupagus.
Also they wanted to let kids know
that adults will believe you.
Yes.
Were there scenes where he would be like,
Snuffleupagus said, da, da da da, and they're like, whatever.
Yeah, that's the first like 20 years.
He was just here.
Oh.
Yeah, 20 years.
I think it was.
It wasn't that long.
It's been on for 50 at this point.
Yeah, but he wasn't, it wasn't 20 years before they said,
okay, we should change this.
Okay, you wanna bet?
Yeah, I do.
I'm gonna go.
Okay, wait, wait, how much are you gonna bet?
$10,000 bet, mid-Rodney style.
Gentlemen's bet, of course.
Do you remember that, Lauren? No. How much you gonna bet? $10,000 bet? Bit Robbie style. Gentlemen's bet, of course.
Do you remember that, Lauren?
No.
Oh my God.
It was the... Was it the 2008?
Must have been.
McCain was running.
Yeah, McCain was running in 2008.
Yeah.
And... Or was it after that?
I feel... Wasn't it when he actually ran in 2012 or no?
It must have been 2012, yeah.
Okay.
And... He... And there was Republican debate
and it was him and the fucking, the Texas guy,
Rick, what's his name?
Santorum, I don't know.
No, no, no.
Scott, Rick Scott, the governor of Texas.
Isn't he a Florida guy?
Yeah, Rick Scott was a Florida guy.
God damn, I forget his name,
but he was famously high out of his mind on back medication.
Oh, right, right, right.
Girl, this was an awesome day.
That's my favorite quote from him.
But they were, so they were arguing back and forth
about something.
And then Mitt Romney goes, holds out his hand
and goes, $10,000 bet?
Wow.
Yeah, on fucking TV.
I mean, this is a guy who spent like two million a year
or a month on security.
So it's like- Yeah, he had a car elevator.
Yeah, yeah.
$10,000 bet.
Yeah.
Okay, let's say, God, how much do I want?
I don't even have- You have to be my personal slave for one week.
I have to do all your chores.
I want that.
Not this week.
No, I want one of you to do that for each other.
Oh, for each other.
You creepy puppet master.
I just want that.
What do you want that?
I want you to go over to Paul's house and do the dishes.
How about a dinner?
Sorry, that'd be so funny.
A dinner.
Yes.
Someone has to pick up the check.
On tour.
For a dinner.
That sounds good.
It can be with our wives.
Wow.
Okay, now.
I'm less interested.
Sesame.
Oh, okay.
Just the two of us.
Sesame Strong.
Sesame Strong.
No, Sesame Street premiered in 1969.
I'm saying it had to be 1989 or later.
Okay. But it has to be from when Snuffleupagus was on the show because he wasn't on the show from the very beginning.
You're saying that after 20 years of Snuffleupagus.
That's fine. I'll say that I'll say the year and then we'll go back.
The year he was revealed and we'll go backwards to when he was.
1985 was when they said they were adults could see Snuffleupagus.
So you win regardless of when Snuffleupagus was, but not by much,
but fine. See when Snuffleupagus debuted. Okay. Damn. It's hard to say.
Nobody was ever supposed to say it this much. No one was supposed to use imaginary.
He debuted in 71. So it was 14 years. It's a long time of John Krasinski.
The twisted mind of Danny DeVito.
It's from the twisted imagination of John Krasinski.
It kind of reminds me much like that new Quiet Place movie.
Oh, no, the imaginary.
From the quiet imagination of John Krasinski.
I'm still surprised that Cookie Monster is able to be like,
I love cookies, although they have him doing healthy things. Oh, they have, I'm still surprised that Cookie Monster is able to be like, I love cookies.
Although they have him doing healthy.
Oh, they have him.
Yes.
And he's, he's, they forced him to say cookies are sometimes food.
Well now we have a book where it's like, what does he dream about at night?
Cookies.
And then the very next page is fruit is also yummy.
No, nobody dreams of fruit.
I guarantee you I've dreamed of cookies and never fruit.
I don't think it's a big deal to have a fucking cookie.
What if you are eating them like a monster though?
Well if they're all over the place on the floor, if you're going to clean up.
If you're just smashing them into your fucking mouth.
What if your head was a vacuum and you were just eating cookies on the floor?
That's interesting.
That would be so awesome.
Whoa.
That would be so interesting.
I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
I'm Scott Aukerman. I'm Lauren Lapkins.
This is Freedom.
This is like when you're watching one of those
hour long shows and they don't do the title sequence
until like 25 minutes in.
Like the OA where they did it at the very end.
A show I liked that I watched recently?
Why not?
Because who cares?
I watched Platonic on Apple TV.
Platonic.
Platoon you mean?
Platoon. I watched Peac on Apple TV. Platonic. Platoon you mean? Platoon.
I watched Peacant.
Yeah.
Platonic, I don't know what that is.
It's Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne, our platonic friends.
I've been curious about that show.
I have been curious as well and then I thought,
why don't I freaking find out?
And I was hooked, I watched it in about two,
two, three nights and the ending, I teared up.
And there's a season two coming, thank God.
Because they decided they're not gonna be friends anymore.
Well, I won't say what happened.
Yeah.
But it's good.
I don't like you keeping secrets from me.
I'm sorry, it was an entertaining joke,
but you can watch it yourself and find out
that it's not a secret.
And you know, isn't that the very funny Vinnie Thomas?
What's that?
What's that?
A human being?
You know what's another funny Vinnie Thomas?
I said, you know what's another funny Vinnie Thomas?
Here's what I thought I said, or what I intended to say.
You know who's in that?
The very funny Vinnie Thomas.
Thank you.
Who does he play?
A friend.
Who looks a lot like Vinnie Thomas.
Well I liked all the characters.
I know that he did it,
but I don't know what the character's name is.
I thought it was great.
Maybe somebody who works with Seth Rogen?
You know what, show I've been watching,
I bit the bullet because you mentioned none of us had seen it
But you did not bite the deputy
Of course not
Yes, Scott. Deal or no deal islands. No, really? Yes. Wow. You are in it. I'm in it
Recap. Yeah, I'm in it. I can't believe this
It's the show is half survivor and even Boston Robb is one of the contestants,
where they do, you know, survivor style challenges.
Is it regular people with?
Yes, and Boston Robb is the only.
I don't like that mix, I don't like that mix.
Regular people with reality people?
It's all one or the other, you can't,
I don't think you should mix them.
I don't know, I think sometimes there's-
I don't like mixing of people, you's. I don't like mixing of people.
Interesting stakes with that.
What's interesting is.
Say more.
Because for example,
and this is the only example I have on Traders.
Traders.
Traders.
Was it season one US or season one UK that had mix?
Season one US.
Season one US.
I thought it was interesting because you get these people
who have never been on TV before and they're playing.
No one knows how they play.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now see, with Boston Robb here, it's very interesting
because he's pulling the same survivor tricks on everyone
and they're letting it happen.
Because they're dumb.
Even though they all know what he's doing,
they're all like, oh, this is how he plays.
In any case, what I wanted to say about it is.
So they've given up. It's half which is fine half horse and then the other half is half
horse no the other half is last 30 minutes are like deal or no deal and like eating oats yeah so the
last 30 minutes is deal or no deal but the stakes are now where they go, here's the difference. Deal or no deal, not
a great game. It's like a coin flip or whatever, but the stakes were, hey, am I going to walk
away with a good amount of money that I'm going to be happy with? Right? This, they
don't win the money at the end of deal or no deal. It goes into the pot for the final
player to win. They just have to get a better deal than the banker is offering.
Like their case has to either be for more money
than what the banker has offered them,
or they have to take the deal from the banker
and it has to be more than what is in their case,
or they're kicked off the island.
It's all just a coin flip at this point.
It's a 50-50 because the banker offers right in the middle.
There's no way to strategize it.
No, the he like say there's a penny case, a dollar case, a million dollar case, and a two million
dollar case. He offers you $500,000. And it's like, well, it's either 5050. You know, like,
yeah, you should just take what he's offering. Pretty much. No, there's no way to to game the
system ever. If you take what he's offering,
you at least know you're gonna get some money.
No, you don't get the money if you take the offer.
That goes into the pot.
It goes into the pot, okay.
Oh no.
Yeah, this fucking sucks.
It sucks.
Oh, that's crazy.
And it's hosted by Joe Manganiello?
Manganiello, yeah, he's great.
He is almost a completely different person
without facial hair.
Yeah, I saw him speak at Paul Rubin's memorial and he was great.
I interviewed him once and he was great.
Yeah.
I like that guy.
I looked at him through a window and he was great.
Yeah.
Which window was it? While they were filming Magic Bike and he would put his dog in the penis pump?
No, no, it was, he was inside of a Dollar tree and I was pressed up against the window with my eyes
Wide why was a little orphan at Christmas time cuz I'm lying. Oh
I can see him going into a dollar tree. Why not? Who wouldn't go into a dollar tree?
Oh, you're too big for a dollar tree. You don't want to get one thing for a dollar. That's actually gonna be too
Yeah, that's the thing is they give they do tiny like hotel sizes now too big for a dollar tree. You don't want to get one thing for a dollar. That's actually going to be too.
Yeah, that's the thing is they give they do tiny like hotel sizes now.
What celebrity would never go in a dollar tree?
I feel first off, Bill Maher.
I would say I think J.K.
Rowling. Yeah, she would never do that.
She used to.
Bill Maher strikes me as somebody who has not walked on more than two
squares of pavement in probably the last 25 years. Meaning like he's carried everywhere?
Yeah, he's carried everywhere. His piggyback?
Well, he had to for DC cab. That's right. Even though it was a cab driver. That's right. Yeah. Maybe you.
I think he's just dropped off by door to door everywhere he's going.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That would be cool. I mean, look, we're, we're coming down on Bill Maher saying,
oh, he does. He's not in touch with the real people.
Honestly, just drop me off door to door everywhere.
You're going to want to get your steps in as you get older.
I remember hearing that Don Imus wore shorts year round because he was never outdoors for more than a few seconds.
Great.
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
You should knock me at her home.
That's crazy.
I like to hear about the eccentricities of the idol rich.
I love it, it makes me so happy.
Are these eccentricities or are they disgusting indulgences?
I don't care.
I love to hear about it. I love to fantasize about it. I love to fantasize about Bill Maher
Donovan. For the record, I don't think I like that. No? People reveal these things
as if they're negatives where people are like, once you hear this about this celebrity, you're
going to hate them. But it just makes me go like, God, I'd love to be that rich. Well,
we all do weird things. Sure, we all do.
Like, what's your weird thing, Lauren, since you brought it up?
I poop in cups.
Don't like to poop in the toilet. One girl, one cup.
It's just simple math.
I'm proud to say I've never watched it. I've never seen that.
No, why would you? Yeah, I've never seen it.
Why would you? I'm surprised I haven't seen it.
It feels like out of the three of us.
It seems like you would have watched that on repeat.
It feels like that's something that I was gonna see
at many points and then it just didn't happen.
At many points, it's like a sliding door situation with you
where there are universes out there
where you've seen it many times.
There were a couple people, like when that was happening,
there were a couple people that advised me to watch it.
I'm like, no, you told me.
I'm gonna give you some good advice here.
Isn't it a prank? You should watch it.
You need to get online.
Isn't it a prank where you think you're watching
something else and it ends up being that or is it just-
No, that's what Goat, Goatsie is.
Okay, so it's just a thing-
Oh yeah, what is that again?
That's where people give you a website
and it redirects you to Goatsie or something.
It's sort of like Rick Rolling.
I forget what Goatsie is though.
Oh, you know what Rick Rolling is.
I said, I do know what Rick Rolling is.
Yeah.
I do know what Rick Rolling is. And you can't do it. I forget what Goatsie is. I can't do it, I just don't. I forget what GoatsSea is though. Oh, you know what Rickrolling is. I said, I do know what Rickrolling is. Yeah. I do know what Rickrolling is.
And you can do it.
I forget what GoatSea is.
I can't do it, I just don't.
I forget what GoatSea is or was.
It was like goat.sex or something.
Here, let me show you.
No, don't show me shit.
Just tell me.
Okay, it was an internet domain.
It was an internet badda badda badda.
That originally housed an internet shock site.
Housed.
Its front page featured a picture
entitled hello.jpeg, that originally housed an internet shock site. How's front page featured a picture entitled Hello dot JPEG showing a close up of a hunched
over naked man using both hands to stretch open his anus.
Oh, right. And et cetera, et cetera.
Right. Both hands, et cetera, et cetera. But so we.
And of course, Lemon Party.
Very famous Lemon Party. But two girls, one couple's not.
It's Lemon Party. Just to think people watched for fun.
I yeah, I guess it was just like a how much can you stand of this disgustingness?
Um, I miss the days of, hey, watch this peaceful meadow.
And then all of a sudden an old crone comes in.
Those are scary.
I don't like those.
Oh, I loved those.
You got to turn it up.
My friend was, you got to turn it up. My friend was- Yeah, turn it up!
You gotta turn it up, because it's so quiet.
My friend was so, he was like a huge Joe Jackson fan,
the singer Joe Jackson, not the father.
Uh-huh.
Um, and we bonded on things like Elvis Costello
and stuff like that, and then I was like,
oh, and Joe Jackson, he's like, I don't like Joe Jackson.
And I go, you don't like Look Sharp and, you know, Be Crazy and all, and he's like, oh, and Joe Jackson, he's like, I don't like Joe Jackson. And I go, you don't like look sharp and, you know,
be crazy and all.
And he's like, oh, I love those albums.
And then he put out the, this like-
The string album?
No, the instrument, this instrumental, like,
it was called Willpower or something like that.
And he got so mad at it because it starts off very quietly
and then suddenly a loud chord comes in and he had turned it up his stereo so loud at it because it starts off very quietly and then suddenly a loud
chord comes in and he had turned it up his stereo so loud because it starts so quiet
he's like, oh, this is, I got to turn it up to hear it.
And then suddenly, like it comes in.
You know what?
That does suck.
It does suck.
Fuck you, Joe Jackson.
But to then not like his early music because of this.
Can I say I just saw a cover of Harry Styles singing Sledgehammer on Howard Stern?
A cover of Harry Styles singing Sledgehammer.
A cover of Sledgehammer as sung by Harry Styles.
Okay Lauren.
Okay, grammar police.
And it was like the first time I kind of understood what that song was.
And then all the comments were saying that.
Everyone's like, oh, I get this song now.
It's dirty. I have always hated this song now. It's dirty.
I have always hated that song and I've never understood.
Open up your fruit cage.
Yeah, well.
It's dirty.
I think he's saying, when Harry's singing,
he goes, open up your fruit cake.
Harry.
Cause he loves food.
That's what watermelon sugar is about.
Well, I know that.
He's like a reverse weird Al.
Yeah.
He sings about food without parodying.
Yeah.
What would Weird Al make watermelon sugar into?
He'd probably go the other way
where it would be about, you know,
watermelon boogers or something like that.
Yeah, it sounds really gross.
It's not food.
Watermelon with sticks.
Oh my God, I saw this video my brother posted on Instagram.
It was like-
That's so sweet.
This guy, it was like, he's in like the front row
at a baseball game.
And he's like on camera, like right behind the catcher.
And he puts both his fingers, his pinkies
into both nostrils.
He's trying to be really casual.
And he like just puts it right into his mouth.
And then he moves his mouth, his hands down,
and everyone's like, we saw you.
Who said that to him?
No, I mean, just the internet.
The internet, oh, okay.
He's just sitting there.
He's not on the-
And you just go, this guy does this all the fucking time.
He's probably like 50 years old.
He's just going, how gross.
This actually will-
I'm just saying, that's how long he's probably been doing that. This is so just going, how gross. This actually will- I'm just saying that's how long
he's probably been doing that.
This is so disgusting to me.
It will make me throw up.
It was really gross.
Do you remember a long time ago,
I sort of do.
Talking to you about something
that somebody said to me
that was making me physically ill.
And it was somebody that was telling me
that they in the present day and currently, no,
will do that.
What?
And why did they tell you that?
It was on this podcast.
Who eats their fucking burger?
Please, honestly, we can't talk about it because it is.
It's so, it's so trick.
I want to see you throw up on my.
Why?
Okay, but I just want to say that.
On my who?
Paul, don't listen.
Don't listen.
Don't take those off and go.
Anybody out there who eats your fucking boogers,
you're so fucking gross and you have to stop.
Get a tissue.
You have to stop.
You're making me hungry now.
I'm talking about it so much. No, it makes me sick too. You have to stop. You're making me hungry now. I'm talking about it so much.
No, it makes me sick too. You have to stop.
If you're doing that, you're really, really gross.
Someone's going to see you do it and they're going to think you're really, really gross.
All right, Paul, you can listen now.
Okay. You're back.
Is it over?
You're back. Yeah. And we have to go to a break.
It's over. The woman talking.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's why you were singing that song, because a woman was talking.
We'll be right back.
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Hey, Paul. Hey, it's me and Lauren.
Hey. Hey.
I have a sock on the door.
Oh, so what are you doing here?
Excuse me.
Do you need the sock?
Don't be gonzy.
Okay. Hey. Who is she? Just gone soon. OK. Who is she?
Just hide under the covers.
Who is she?
Don't worry about it.
Hey, we wanted to ask you, does anything
motivate you to cook more than having?
Oh, not a question about my motivations.
Does anything motivate you to cook more,
like having high quality ingredients on hand?
You know what?
Get ready to be surprised.
Nothing does.
Nothing motivates me more for that.
And guys, I've been cooking a ton recently because of butcher box really
Yeah, really. I never thought I'd be able to make pulled pork all on my own
I can pull it probably because and you know my parents didn't think so either
But with butcher boxes pork which is raised crate free by the way
I was able to make these incredible sandwiches for our famous barbecue.
Wow, you make your own sauce.
Well, we were all shocked you made them by yourself.
We didn't believe you.
We started kicking your butt.
All my friends were shocked.
I got beat up.
The one thing I've heard about ButcherBox is the big draw is the convenience.
Can attest.
Of it.
Less trips to the grocery store, more time to enjoy cooking.
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Paul, how do we get this?
What if my parents were still alive?
Yeah, sure.
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All right, get back in there buddy
Hey Scott, hey buddy. What's going on? Oh, I want to talk to me. I want to talk to you about something. Yeah, buddy
Do you know athletic greens?
The what?
Let me make it more specific.
AG1.
What about it?
Yeah AG1.
We all know what that is.
I wanted to improve my gut health because my gut health was not good.
Right.
So that's why I tried AG1.
Okay, yeah you've told me all this before.
But I haven't told you this.
Oh okay.
Since drinking AG1 daily I've felt a big difference. Oh I wondered how it was working. Yeah, it's made a big difference
Oh, yeah, I feel more relaxed and even and
And even keel perhaps my keel feels much more even throughout the day. Yeah, I'm even keeled. That's so good for you
I also feel like I have more energy
for you. I also feel like I have more energy. Watch this. Oh my god. Yeah. Thanks AG1. Wow. You know why though, Paul? No, I have not questioned it. I did my own research and it's
because AG1 is a foundational nutrition supplement that supports your body's universal needs
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I think of the founding fathers,
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Yeah, I like to think of Washington crossing the Delaware,
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he's just like- Yeah, he's got a big thermos.
Yeah.
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I know, but they don't have your number.
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and we're back hi everybody hi Paul's threw up for 12 hours it was great
thanks for waiting for me.
No problem.
We just waited right here.
We had to finish this episode.
It's 3 a.m.
It's 3 a.m.
I must be lonely.
I said baby!
What song is this?
Matchbox 20.
It's called 3 a.m.
It's called 3 a.m.
It is.
Great title.
Did you ever hear the rumor about him and Tom Cruise?
No.
It was like the rumor was like.
That's the guy from Matchbox 20.
Yeah, Nicole Kidman walked in on the stage and said, I'm going to be the guy.
I'm going to be the guy.
I'm going to be the guy. I'm going to be the guy. I'm going to be the guy. I'm going to be the guy. I'm going to be the guy. Did you ever hear the rumor about him and Tom Cruise? What? No. It was like the rumor was like-
That's the guy from Matchbox, right?
Yeah, Nicole Kidman walked in on Tom Cruise and Rob Thomas
in bed together.
That's ridiculous.
I never heard that.
It's just such a random-
Yeah.
First of all-
That guy around the schoolyard?
No, not the schoolyard.
I heard this like five years ago.
Yeah.
I mean, Matchbox 20 wasn't even a thing
when we were in the schoolyard.
I just mean it was like the gerbil.
Yeah, the gerbil.
Everyone somehow knew.
Much like the gerbil.
The gerbil though.
Was probably true.
What about the stomach pump?
No, that was probably true.
Stomach pump?
Yeah, the semen pump from the stomach, seven gallons.
Yeah.
Seven gallons.
Seven gallons. How many dicks have you got of scepter when that happened? The stomach pump? Yeah, the semen pump from the stomach, seven gallons? Yeah.
Seven gallons?
How many dicks you got us during that happen?
More than four.
Probably just seven though.
One gallon per guy.
Ew.
Now I'm going to barf.
Let's legitimately try to make each other throw up on this show.
If you cum a gallon, stop doing that. You're disgusting.
You're really, really, really gross.
And people think you're really gross,
and people don't like that.
How long would it take?
A gallon.
Especially if it came out in the same quantity.
Hey, can I turn on the TV?
By the way, this is Lauren's final episode
before she gives birth.
Baby gonna pop out.
We're gonna catch it.
Yeah.
Within the next week or two.
Yeah.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Not, not longer.
What's the longest somebody's been pregnant?
A human being?
I think three years?
I know somebody who was pregnant for 43 weeks instead of 40.
Dang.
My first pregnancy went to 41 and one.
41 and one. 41 and one 41 and one 41 in one day.
Or I thought you meant 42.
No,
Emmy, of course, born on her due date.
Yeah, so rare.
Yeah, 4% of babies are born on their due date.
Why do they bother them?
It's like, yeah, do it around here.
Around here.
Make the due date on the other days that they're born.
There are people, like doulas.
I know, oh, there's more.
Who kind of say like, don't even ever answer that question
when someone says that.
Death doula, same thing?
They just say, around.
They're talking to doctors?
Around this time.
Your phone's going absolutely haywire.
I can't hear it.
Who wants to talk to you?
Everybody's down.
Yeah, it's like Gina Carano down on that phone, haywire.
Beep bop.
Yes, I know what that means.
Wonderful.
But a lot of my friends and family have birthdays
right around my due date and I'm hoping that it'll-
You hit one?
Maybe be a birthday twin with one of my beloved people.
We were trying to get Emmy on my father's birthday
because he's the day before.
And so we were-
So close.
So close, but it just didn't happen.
And then, you know, then did the next day.
And wanted her own day.
Yeah, but she is birthday twins with a friend of ours and they do stuff together did the next day. And wanted her own day. Yeah, but she is a birthday twins with a friend of ours.
And they go, they do stuff together all the time now.
And we're on a text chain called birthday twins.
Yeah, without me.
No, we go to the zoo together.
Nice.
Other things.
A child?
Yeah, what child is this?
I thought it was your friend,
like a friend of yours's adult.
No, no, no, our friends had a child
born on the exact same day.
I had the same thing born.
I thought the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry that I wasn't clear.
It wasn't clear.
Could have been clearer.
Has anyone ever apologized for not being clear on this show?
No, I'm the first person.
You know what?
When you're right, you're right.
That's true.
The first for three.
You didn't get defensive.
You didn't get defensive. You didn't insult us.
But I think that's fun to be born on the same day.
I'm Paul F. Chalkins.
Oh, no, this is our second segment.
Yeah.
All right, I'm Scott Ackerman.
I'm Lauren Lapgood.
Yeah, what's wrong with it?
Are we going to do the third segment too?
To keep it reintroducing ourselves?
There's nothing wrong with it.
That's true.
No, wait.
It's sort of like though
your birthday because I have two I always mix you up with it but yours is October um 12th.
You're the person by the way who was so lording it over on me the fact that you knew when his birthday was. July 2nd. Lording it over on me. October. Lording it over on me. October 12th. No, stop saying it. It's wrong. Yes. We did a show together.
Remember like about a year ago we were doing an episode and you couldn't believe that I
didn't know when it was. No, I know. But October 9th, it's October 9th. I'm sorry, September.
I keep saying. No, no, no, no, no. September 12th.
I never ever.
Why don't you say balloons 12th?
No, but I never ever, I never ever meant to say October because I have two friends who
are born on the September 12th and September 19th and then you share birthday with one
of them and it's the 12th.
Who is it?
Mackenzie Russos. Hi Mackenzie Russo.
We're birthday twins. But then, hi Lindsay Lohan. We're birthday twins. September 19th is Stephanie
and Elizabeth Lane and more people and it's one of the most popular and more people. It's one of
the most popular days because it's one of the most popular dates to be born. Because everyone
fucks in the bathroom during New Year's Eve.
The bathroom.
With someone they hook up with.
Yeah, like their spouse.
I'm sorry I kept saying October, I really didn't mean that.
It's okay, I understand.
Because I know when your birthday is, because we're both September's.
We're September babies.
Yes, exactly.
Yes, exactly.
And I don't know when either of yours are.
When is mine?
Even though it's just been said.
You just said that you were a September baby, so I'm assuming September.
That's a good clue.
And that's all I got.
You don't know?
No.
When's mine?
September, I have no idea.
I just said it.
I don't care.
My calendar will tell me.
Why don't you care?
My calendar will tell me when it's fun to know.
I just said when it was.
What did I say?
What did I say?
I don't know. What did I say? You did I say? I don't know. What did I say? You
don't remember anything I said? Stop bullying me. Lauren, I believe in you. He doesn't know.
When's mine? Come on. See, now you're another person who was just like, come on, you don't
know when her birthday is. I don't like when it's pointed at me.
We know that it's actually one of the most birthday birthdays you could have.
Is it 23rd?
Oh wait, wait, wait.
No, it's September 5th.
No, it's not.
Is it the 19th?
But you're on the right track.
Because Jay Leno would be attracted to you.
He may be.
What?
Because when is my birthday?
It's before mine?
Yes.
It's not the 5th.
It's September 6th? Yes. It's not the fifth, September 6th?
Yes.
So why would Jay Leno be attracted?
Because he's attracted to people
who were born September 5th.
Oh, right.
And so I'm thinking, hey, maybe I'll get in.
I'm just curious.
I mean, you might have a shot.
Can I get a box of donuts?
Hey, can I get a box of donuts?
Especially if you imitate him.
No, he makes you, if he's married to you, he makes you imitate him the entire time. Yeah.
Because he doesn't want to feel left out.
Because he can't hear himself?
Left out of what?
Well, he doesn't want to feel like he's different.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, it's like the King of Spain.
Right.
And we have to say, Barcelona.
Yes.
Barcelona. Yes. Barcelona. Why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out riding fancies for so very long now.
Wow, you guys sound like instruments.
Did you ever see the movie? Let me guess, let me guess. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum there. If I had to guess, Paul, I'd go back over my actions. Where does she stop?
She's covering it for newcomers. She's doing everything. Butch, butch, butch.
Wait, what is he's doing? Bruce Willis is Disney's The Kid. What is your question
about that? The movie, butch casting the Sun and It's Kid, great film from, I want to say, 69, 70,
had a very eccentric soundtrack.
It was a Western, but had a very modern soundtrack by-
Bird Bachrach.
Yeah.
Including the song Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.
But also-
He also did When Something,
Something About Mary.
When Something is about Mary. Yep
But he there's this one song
Where there it's like a montage of them on the run and there's a group of singers and they're singing boom boom boom
But I want to I want to play for you because it's I love to hear really crazy and they sound like instruments
They don't really like a bunch of 60s people doing that okay?
You like it?
I don't know if I like it. I don't know I've heard a million times
I don't know where we're going with this. Let me see if I have it on my telephone. Yeah, I think I might
Let's see if we have it
Here we go this
Would be from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid okay in case you're wondering Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Okay.
In case you're wondering.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Okay.
I don't have the album on my phone.
Okay.
Maybe I could find it on the computer here.
I hope there's a really depressing commercial beforehand.
Um.
I don't know what it's called.
I used to know what it's titled.
Okay, I'm going to look up soundtrack and then you tell me which of these songs it is.
Okay.
Oh, I want to say it's called South American Getaway.
Yeah, well, I mean, our game now is over.
I'm sorry. Our game now is over. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
You are the song he picked. Goodbye.
All right. Here's first of all, here's a Hyundai commercial for the Hyundai
Tucson. All right.
Another first listen.
What?
Who the fuck are you?
It's my time for me today.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Is that a nun?
Another first listen to them.
Okay, when I click on this YouTube thing,
it shouldn't take me to some lady listening to it.
That was her version of Scott Hasn't Seen.
Okay, here we go.
["Sing a Song"]
I like it.
Isn't this kind of insane?
It reminds me of the Free Design.
Do you know that band?
No.
From the 60s or 70s?
Is this like a Squarespace band? No. From the 60s or 70s?
Is this like a Squarespace band?
Yeah, it's crazy.
Is this a MailChimp?
It's a Wix.
What's Wix?
Another website maker.
Another website maker.
Play, um, Kites are Fun.
Well before that I want to play one of the suggested...
Or play Bubbles by the free design.
Like kinds of first.
First, I want to play one of the suggested videos that this video leads me to.
Oh, sure. Good morning and welcome back to the show.
Stephen King's honest opinion about the show.
He's written such thrillers as Carrie, The Shining and the Dead Zone and his new book,
which is titled The Fire Starter.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the fire starter.
His voice is so weird. Titled the fire starter ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the fire starter
Okay bubbles
Free design the free
All right, he wrote the shining and here's his true opinion about it. Oh
Shit
Produced by Enic lights who did a lot of great instrumental albums. I beg your pardon! Can I tell you what it sounds like to me?
It sounds like to me a band that's a cult.
Yeah, for sure.
I hate this style of music.
Play Kites are fun. Just because. Play Kites are fun, just because.
Play Kites are fun.
You just have to.
This is the kind of music, though, that I grew up.
Yeah, it makes you mad.
It makes me mad, because all of culture was sort of like this.
It's like fake happy.
This one's great.
Up With People, do you know what that is?
No.
We saw that.
We saw them live when I was a kid.
They've done, I think they did two Super Bowls?
Halftime shows?
Flying kites.
Flying kites.
Wait for it to go.
Shut the fuck up.
Just wait.
Oh, what is going on here?
Who are these people?
I don't know.
I don't talk.
Fun!
See, my kite, it's fun.
Shut the fuck up. It's distant fly.
All that's between us is
a little yellow string.
We like each other more than
anything. And we run along
together in the field behind my
house. With the little drops of
raincure right to face and wet my blouse.
And I'd like to be a zillion miles
away from everyone. Cause
mom and dad and Uncle Phil don't realize
Kites are fun
It's Uncle Phil by the way
You idiot
It's not Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince
That sucks so bad
I used to like that
What era are they from?
Are they a modern house? I assume it's the 70s or 60s.
They debuted with Kites are Fun in... It's definitely old, right? In... What the fuck
is wrong with him? Worst radio host. 1967. Coming up next we got got a new single by.
The kids came out and it was.
It was. This was the.
All right, we have.
All right, we have to say.
Hey, hey, hey, huddle up guys.
Let's be real who has the time or money to eat at restaurants all the time.
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If you've got a refined taste for food, you know how expensive exploring your local food
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That's wild.
He's off script.
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He's not looking at the paper.
Wow.
You know what's good about it?
Well let me talk about my experience, okay?
I was going to talk about what I was going to talk about.
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Does no one want to hear about my experience?
I was blown away. Why don't you about my experience, okay? I was going to talk about what I was going to say. I was blown away.
Does no one want to hear about my experience?
I was blown away.
Why don't you talk about what you experienced?
Well, what I like about it is like the portion, anytime you order food from a restaurant,
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This is like good portions that make you full at the end, but it's not crazy,
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Exactly. It's really good stuff. I like it a lot.
I personally was blown away by the taste and quality of the spicy shrimp pasta.
Yeah. That was a good one.
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We had some blueberry pancakes delivered the other day.
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I do three because I have a less powerful microwave.
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But yeah, it's really good.
Your microwave is 10 watts.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
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And we're back.
And we're going to play a three-chair.
Yes, excuse me.
Wiping away tears.
The DJ who's so bad.
Oh, we're going to be back in just a second.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck it.
Hold on. Fuck it. Oh, fuck. Fuck it. Oh, fuck. Hold on. Hold on.
Fuck it.
Something, the song is.
Oh, Beyonce with.
What is this?
Fuck.
What is this?
Shit.
What is this?
Fuck.
Oh, okay, okay.
Oh, her new one.
Oh, Jesus.
This is the tag change.
It's time to play a three-chair.
A three-chair is a game that we like to play.
A three-chair is a game that we like to play.
We are freedom, that's what we say.
We are freedom, that's what we say.
Also known as a.
As a buster. Also known as a buster. Also known as a-Ture. Three-Ture is a game that we like to play.
We are Freedom, that's what we say.
Also known-
As a buster.
This is a buster.
This is a buster as we've established.
And if you would like to send us a buster,
please write to freedomusa at gmail.com.
So just a game we can play,
be it a car game, a parlor game, things like that.
And we're gonna play one now.
This is an old favorite, it's called Hitting Posts.
And this is where we are essentially
assuming the role of a DJ.
Yes.
A disc jockey.
One of us is going to play a song from their phone.
Yes.
And then the person to clockwise from them
has to be the DJ.
Yes.
And the aim for the person playing the DJ is to
The AOL Insta Messenger.
Yes, is to finish what they're saying
right as the lyrics of the song pop up.
Yeah, so you talk over the musical intro
and then you want to stop cleanly.
Cleanly, it can't be in the middle of the song.
Yeah, right before the lyrics kick in. Yeah. Yes. So Paul, you have't be in the middle of the songs. Yeah, right before the lyrics kick in.
Yeah. Yes.
So Paul, you have the aux cord.
I have the aux.
So Lauren.
And my aux.
So Lauren, you're gonna be DJ
for whatever Paul happens to play.
And are we playing things randomly on our phone
or are we picking?
Well, I have like sound effects and ambient noise
on my phone, so I will not be doing that.
I'll be looking for a song.
Why do you still have that by the way?
Because I need it for things.
What?
For conversations you have.
You make fart noises when Janie bends over?
Maybe.
I have a lot of ambient stuff.
I love ambient stuff to sleep to.
Oh yeah.
And I sometimes have like a pirate ship sounds.
You should listen to this album, Willpower by Joe Jackson. It's really quiet and peaceful when you go to sleep to. Oh yeah. And I sometimes have like a pirate ship sounds. You should listen to this album, Willpower by Joe Jackson.
It's really quiet and peaceful when you go to sleep.
You're tricking me.
Okay.
All right.
Here we go.
Are you ready Lauren?
Yeah.
Happy Tuesday everyone.
We've got a hot one out there tonight.
You're not gonna believe it.
It's gonna be 99.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who's right.
Who's right. Who's right. Who's right, it's gonna be 99. He is the bad moon rising!
Great.
And that was of course Bad Moon Rising.
Of course Bad Moon Rising.
By Credence C. Revival.
Okay, and who's next?
Watch out for that glass.
I'm next, yes.
Watch out for this glass!
Jesus Christ.
Okay, and here we go.
Oop.
It's not working, I'll pick a different song for you.
Well, I think it's playing through your,
you gotta plug it in a little more.
Oh, I see, okay.
I'm gonna change it.
Okay, here we go.
Long.
Oh, that didn't work.
Lyrics.
Hey everyone, welcome to the Power Hour. My name is DJ Wolf Jack.
I got rid of the M in an accident.
I lost it and I also lost my arm in that accident and my wife doesn't love me anymore. So he used to be Wolf M Jack. Wolf man Jack.
He said he lost the M. Oh. Wolf M Jack.
I was thinking of your Credence Sea Revival.
All right, Paul, you ready? Yes.
Here we go. Shuffling.
105.5 we go shuffling
One of five point five we have the hits it's gonna be sunny out there today So in the park for that big rally to kill the president
Please don't visit me secret service
All right.
Oh my God.
The aux cord goes to Paul.
What was that song by the way?
That was Black and White by Cimmerip.
A-
Cimmerip?
Cimmerip, they're like a reggae pioneer band.
Oh, here's a good one, okay.
Oh, I'm talking.
He's a monkey, she's an ape. We've got the hottest new couple available on a new reality show called I'm Dating Outside My Species. Somebody stop me tonight on TLC.
That's not bad. That's not bad. Considering you were not ready for the start. I did not give you ample warning.
It's all good. It's all good.
It's all good, it's all good.
It's all good, all right.
Lauren has the aux cord now and I'm gonna be DJing.
That was Call Me by Blondie.
Wait, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Here we go, stop, stop, stop, here we go.
And Lauren's picking a song.
Okay, hold on. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Hey, everyone. I used to live in a box. It wasn't a cardboard box. It was a clear box.
It had eight sides.
It had eight sides.
It was a clear box.
It wasn't a cardboard box. It was a clear box.
All right. The aux cord is coming to me and Paul is going to be DJ.
in clear box. All right.
The aux cord is coming to me and Paul is going to be DJ and I have plugged in and now I am
shuffling.
Here we go.
Everybody get ready because today is the day we are giving away 10,000 pennies, 10,000
pennies to the 101st goal.
That's seal.
You started too soon.
That Seal, I'm alive.
And he still is, as far as we know, right?
As far as we know.
I haven't checked on him today.
Well, no, I checked on him this morning, but not in the last hour.
Does anybody have eyes on Seal?
Alright, this is for Lauren.
Okay.
Paul's picking a song.
I am fitting.
Not a sound effect.
Okay.
Makes me want to pick a sound effect.
I know, honestly.
Oh yeah.
Radio 103.5, it's 134 days till Christmas.
You know what that means?
Santa's making his list and checking it twice
I hope you're on the naughty list because I want to give you a speaking you little bitch
Oh, I'm gonna get fired. All right, that's happened again. My mouth got the best of me
This is Lauren.
Lauren's picking her song.
Hey everyone, if you'd like an autographed headshot of me,
please send a self-addressed stamped envelope
to gofuckyourself.com.
That's, oh, that is right.
That's what we are calling our website now for my fan mail
and I'll send you a personal believe it.
Go to it.
Yeah.
I thought that, I thought that song
had started to send you a personal.
Yeah, believe it, there we go.
We are taking care of our home.
It's a sexy thing.
All right, this is for Paul.
I'm shuffling up.
Paul, you ready?
Yeah.
Here we go. All right. You know for Paul. I'm shuffling up. Paul, you ready? Yeah, here we go.
All right. You know what time it is. It's 10.01. And that's the time when we pick one lucky person to get a lung transplant,
whether they need it or not. If you've got lungs that work just fine, why not get some new ones?
It couldn't hurt. And guess what?
We're also giving away both lungs.
That's right. For May only. Both lungs. You get one, you get two, you can breathe like nobody's business.
Start smoking, why don't you?
I believe in love.
I don't know.
Time to get my love.
Good stuff.
Alright, good stuff. Here you go, Paul. I'm constantly doing that're getting my love. Good stuff. All right, good stuff.
Here you go, Paul.
There, oh, I am constantly doing that over the mic stand.
Constantly doing that over the mic stand.
When I say constantly, I mean twice.
Okay.
Okay, it's my turn?
Yes, it is.
You ready?
Three, two.
Prescription lenses, everybody needs them,
but not everybody has them.
How do we get these to everyone in town? Well, I'll tell you, we have a big glasses drive happening
in my driveway.
Yes, that's right.
Come to KRTW and bring your old glasses.
And I'll try them on and tell you what your prescription is.
And then we'll give them to a kid in need.
But if that doesn't work, I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself.
I'll make the glasses myself. I'll make the glasses myself. I'll make do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna do it myself. time I listen to that song. I'm like, what are the similarities?
It's pretty political.
What's pretty political?
They sing,
I've found a perfect way to make a girl go crazy.
I don't know that one.
You don't know that one?
I don't know that one.
Well, that was fun.
It really was.
It was, it really was.
It really was. And thank you all It really was. It really was.
And thank you all for listening. Again, if you like to send us a creature, then why don't you do so.
Oh my god, Lauren's having the baby.
Her water shattered. It hurts. It hurts.
Donut. If you want to send us a creature, three to me or say gmail.com.
If you like to weave us a voicemail. Please weave us a voicemail.
Go to hagclaims8, the number eight, dot com
and leave us a voicemail there.
I know it's weird.
You've never been on a website.
I know it's weird.
You don't have a computer.
Voicemail on website.
But let's walk you through the steps.
Go to the Apple store.
Yeah.
Okay. Why? To get a computer computer you have to get it from Apple
You don't have to but but okay if you do go to the Apple store
Don't make an appointment because no one will ever look at you. Yeah, just walk in
People be all there will be five people
But um, they're gonna sell you a computer you're going to get home. It's pretty easy to set up honestly. Put it into the wall. You may need internet access. Oh,
go to I guess, you know, like the electric company. Best Buy, get a router. Oh God. You
know what? Actually, I bet a telecommunications company will buy this stuff for you.
Like American Telephone and Telegraph? Yeah.
They'll probably come and put these things in your house and then you'll look at
them occasionally going, I wish I knew how you worked because when you break,
I don't know what to do.
Yeah. You might even get television that way too. Yeah, that's true. For all I
know. Yeah. AT&T, we want to buy you a TV.
We want to buy you a TV AT& want to buy you a TV, AT&T.
You do so much for everyone.
The three of us want a chip in.
We want a chip in, buy a television for AT&T.
Hey guys, I'm taking the collection to buy AT&T a TV.
I want it door to door.
I want it to be small.
What if you were outside a supermarket with a clipboard
and you said, hey, do you have time to sign a petition
to give AT&T a television?
There's not enough people doing funny versions of that.
I want to be surprised.
It's so true.
Let me film you doing that.
Okay.
And then we'll put it on the internet too.
Okay.
I think everyone will love it.
And then if you want to hear ad free versions of the show, you want to hear our 3 Mium episodes,
which we do every other week.
Yeah. So here's the deal. If you're leaving the-
Here's the deal. And it's Lemonada Premium.
Oh. Because I've heard ads on other things.
Well, why don't they correct us? Because they haven't heard these yet.
They're not listeners? Well, it hasn't come out. You know, none of the episodes have.
They're not pre-cog listeners? Oh, some of them have come out.
They've all come out. Well, then maybe I'm wrong.
No, it probably is. But look, here's what happens.
You want to leave us these stupid little messages from your freaky little mind?
You want to get your jollies?
Yeah, that's fine by us.
You leave them and guess what?
We're going to play them.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're going to play them on what we call threemium episodes and we're going to
answer whatever insane little question you ask us.
Yeah, whatever weird question.
And we're bound by law to do it.
Yeah, we're bound by law and we're down by law.
I hope they're not too weird.
I'm a little scared.
I'm really scared.
I'm too frightened to do these sometimes.
I'm fucking terrified.
You look happy.
I'm quivering in my little dumb boots.
I've never been more afraid in my life.
Oh my God.
But what we do is we answer these
on our three meme episodes every couple of weeks
on Wednesdays.
And these are on CBB World.
You can listen to these in the regular Freedom Ad Free feed
where we have all the episodes, all our previous episodes.
They're also out on something called Lemonada Premium,
whatever the fuck that is.
He's aggressive.
Thank you, Lemonada.
Was that too aggressive to you?
Yeah, I'm gonna find out.
Sorry, Lemonada.
I'm gonna find out right now. How are you gonna find out if I can't find out?
You're gonna find out if it's too aggressive.
Yeah.
Siri, what is aggression?
It actually makes it turn on.
And everyone who's listening.
Lemonada premium is $5 a month.
You get bonus content and subscriptions.
That's not so fun.
That's nice, yeah.
But you can also get all of our old episodes
and ad-free new episodes at CBB World.
If you want to hear old episodes,
but you don't want to pay for it,
we release one a week on Tuesday.
This is what we call.
Just one a week.
Three visiting on the twos.
It's that simple.
It's just that simple.
What were some alternate titles, Paul?
Three Tuesdays on the viz.
Right, yeah. That one made a lot of sense to us.
It almost made it.
Boom boom, you're in the room.
Oh yeah, I love that one.
I thought it was twos visiting on the threes.
Yeah.
That was another one.
Eeeh!
Eeeh!
The human buzzer.
Eeeh!
Why do you keep making that noise? I'm clearing my throat.
Oh, my God.
But we do this every Tuesday.
And guess what? You like it.
And here's what people don't realize is that, yes, they are all the episode.
They are old episodes, but we are recreating them.
Yeah, we're reenacting the Taylor's version.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's how it's Taylor Swift said this is what it should be like. Creating them. Yeah, we're inactive. Word for word. Taylor's version. Yeah. Yeah.
It's Taylor Swift said this is what it should be like.
Mm hmm. So those are three visiting on the twos.
And you know what?
Also, Paul and I are out there on tour.
I mean, Lauren's like got her feet up at home relaxing.
Yeah, I think it's really chill what I'm doing right now.
Smoking Virginia slims.
She can finally drink again.
Oh, thank God. Um, and she's eating the same amount of ice cream. what I'm doing right now. Smoking Virginia slims. She can finally drink again.
Oh, thank God.
And she's eating the same amount of ice cream.
Yep, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
And, but Paul and I were out there on the road,
road dogging it.
Doing the old vaudeville.
We're on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour.
We still have probably a good 21 dates still to go on it,
all the way through this month and also August.
That's right. I'm on the Varietopia tour as well. We just have a few dates left of that.
Yeah. And you can get information about both of these tours, one at cbbworld.com slash tour,
and the other at paulfthompkins.com. Slash live.
Slash live. And come see us. Don't run up on stage and tip us, but afterwards, if you see us in the street
and you wanna throw $20 our way,
although maybe they're gonna lure us.
If you see us in the street, don't throw anything.
Yeah.
Although if you're gonna throw, look.
Throw a glance.
If you're gonna throw something,
we understand maybe you're out there going,
I have to throw something. I don't think we don't, I don't think we should cater to this.
I have to pee so bad. I know, but the episode's not over yet. You're not, you're not. Who cares?
Go ahead. Everyone will hear me. The bathroom's right there. Just don't have a baby. Okay. Just
don't have a toilet baby here. Please. Here or anywhere. Can we make that one request? It's freedom's first toilet baby.
Wait, they're reporting it on the news? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're not giving any background as to what freedom is?
Well, if this is a fun episode, Lauren, we're not going to see each other in a while.
I know.
Okay.
We're not going to see each other. Is there anything you want to say to us?
Any final words?
I hope when you're on tour tour you get hit with a dollar. Not a silver dollar, a crumpled up dollar bill is fine.
Lauren, do you have any advice to your future self
before you have the baby?
Listen back to this episode.
Sleep when the baby sleeps.
That's all I got.
Breastfeed when the baby breastfeeds?
One for them, one for me.
What city are you most excited to go to?
I'm excited to see some of the ones
that we've never seen before.
I'm excited to go to Nashville just this week.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you haven't done that.
I'm excited to, I'm excited to go up to Sacramento
because I used to live there for three months
and I haven't been back.
I'm excited to be returning to San Francisco, the great American music hall for Varietopia
and going to Charleston, South Carolina, another show to the Charleston music hall.
Yeah localized.
Yeah.
But you love music halls.
You're like a freak.
I love music halls.
I love the old style of English entertainment called music hall.
Yeah, I've got a lovely bunch of coconut, here they are, standing in a row, small ones, big ones,
as big as your head.
Did you hear Queen Victoria, she is finally dead.
Oh, I've got a lot to make it sound.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart.
Then you can start to make it better.
Better, better, better, better, better.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Hey, choot.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey Jude. Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hey Jude.
All right, we'll see you.
Bye. We love you.
We'll be back next week.
Yeah, don't cry.
Love you. Bye.
We'll be back next week.
Yeah, don't cry.
What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships
all have in common?
They take your money and you can't get it back.
16 grand, somewhere in there, gone.
There's no legal solution for the fact
that you married an asshole.
Welcome to The Dough, I'm ex-Mayo.
We're diving into the stories surrounding the moolah baby.
The good, the bad, and the unexpected.
Yeah, we talking about it all.
The Dough is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, I'm June Dayanne Raphael.
And I'm Jessica St. Clair.
And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep
Dive.
From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and
loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations
about life, love, and everything in between.
And nails, we talk a lot about nails.
Now community is everything to us at the Deep Dive.
We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one
another and we would love to have you with us
So be sure to join us every Wednesday on the deep dive from lemonata media wherever you get your podcasts