Threedom - Captain Thesaurus

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Paul, Lauren, and Scott celebrate 200 episodes and discuss woodshop and fine dining before playing Secret Word. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Subscribe at cbbworld.com to gain access to every episode of Threedom ad-free as well as brand new Threemium episodes every other week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? With 24-7 US-based live customer service from Discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person. Limitations apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hey everyone, it's David Duchovny. Do you ever feel like a failure? Trust me, I get it. Hell, I've spent my whole life almost feeling like a failure. It's appropriate though, because on Fail Better, my new podcast with Lemonado Media, exploring the world of failure, how it holds us back, propels us forward, and ultimately shapes our lives is the whole point. Each week I'll chat with artists, athletes, actors, and experts about how our perceived failures have actually been

our biggest catalysts for growth, revelation, and even healing. Through these conversations, I hope we can learn how to embrace the opportunity of failure and Fail Better together. Fail Better is out on May 7th, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Two hundred! Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two,

two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, 19, 20, but you forgot 17 16 and then the rest. Wow. Can you imagine doing 200 of this? No, I honestly can't.

If I, if you had to guess how many episodes we've done, what would you say? 10 I'd say 12, 30, but I don't remember any of them. Don't touch my foot with your foot. It wasn't me. It was me. with your foot. Eww! It wasn't me. It was me. Eww, long legs.

I have a long leg. One long leg. One long leg. No one's ever seen a picture of Paul with his one long leg. Don't give it away for free. Yeah, do you show it at Varietopia? You gotta go to Wikileg. It's behind a curtain.

Yes, I've arrived at Varietopia. It's in the freak tent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go around the corner. You can see my leg. I like the idea that it's just assumed that I have a freak tent. It's an old fashioned duck show. You should. Freak tent. Yeah, I should.

I should also have a bunch of fleas on unicycles. They really know how to do that back then. Yeah, back then they did and they forgot. Today's modern fleas are very adept at all sorts of machinery. No, modern fleas don't wanna work. They're so lazy, they won't get on a fucking motorcycle. Hey fleas, maybe stop buying your avocado toast.

That's what I'm saying. Just take the paycheck you're getting. Take the paycheck fleas. What do you think they get paid in dog blood? Well, you don't get paid in food. Like you get paid in- They're fleas. What are they gonna go to a store?

Oh, gosh. Why are we doing this again? One flea that's very rich, flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh, sure. And that brings us to our guest next. The actor? Yeah, let's bring him in.

Flea! The actor, flea. He did ask cat monologues once. That was cool. Was it cool? Mm-hmm. Okay. I got to meet Flea.

Well, there you go. I know it's been a dream of yours for quite some time. Yep. Did you rub his back? I was fleeking out. I wanted to meet Flea, Anthony Kiedis, another one, and a fourth. And the other one. Other one.

The other one. So it's the 200th episode, so I do. Yeah, by the way, this is Freedom. Oh, I'm Lauren. Not Fleedom. I'm Scott. I'm did. Yeah, by the way, this is Threedom. Oh, I'm Lauren. It's not Fleedom. I'm Scott. I'm Paul. And Fle is not on this show.

No, he never will be. Not today. If you came here expecting the Fle podcast, guess what? You're out of your damn mind. You're out of your gourd. You're out of your depth. Yeah. But you know, it's the 200th episode, and I was thinking about this a lot,

leading up to today, and I put together. A montage and I put together a montage you put together a montage of previous episodes yeah here we go hi welcome to the first episode of freedom I heard you say that before you told me this story before and we're back hey speaking of montages how about the Oscars how about it wait I know this is months and months and months and months ago. I put together a list of 200 things I like about you guys. No one was stopping you. What? Well you switched to the Oscars. We talk over each other. That's true. You don't like what somebody's saying? Start talking. This is a good rule for everybody. Yes. If you're bored with any conversation, just start talking. Don't like what you're hearing? Make the noise you want to hear. Anyway.

What are the 200 things? It blew out the window is what I was gonna say. Oh no! That's why I'm crying right now. Do you remember any of them? No. Wait, was it 199? I wrote it in sort of like a fugue state.

Was it 199 for Paul and one for me? It might've been. Oh, Scott. Oh. You share some of the same traits. Male gender. White male. I like that you're white male genders.

Just white male. That's not the title. So what about the Oscars montage? This is months and months. I don't care. Who cares? I'm still mad about it. Having spent a full day listening to like five episodes of this show that we're

recording right now. Um, we don't care when it comes out or what we're talking about. Look, we've recorded these two at a time. We need shit to talk about. Okay. Tell us, tell us about the montage of the Oscars. The in Memorial montage where they showed a bunch of people. What was wrong this time? Oh, it was like Nessun Dorma or something. That was really nice. That was really nice.

Nessun Dorma, Nessun Dorma. Yeah, it sounded just like that. Men have named you. That's beautiful. It was a nice choice. Sometimes the song can be, you know, distracting. Is it connected to death? I don't know the words. I don't either. I'm saying it was a pretty song in another language. Right. Dormai thing means sleep, right? Yeah. Nessun means you soon will.

You soon will sleep. Cause you're dead. Yep. True. So is that one dude and some younger dude, I believe was his son, maybe. Was his son. Yes. That's nice. Wow. Yes. And did his son just lead him out there and just started singing and he's like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? You and Emmy someday could be on stage singing Nessun Dormir. He surprised his dad. My dad doesn't know that I can sing as good as he does. I'm gonna wait until the Oscars. As good as he does. And then after the song's over,

I'm gonna turn to him and say, dad, that was me. Did you know that was my mouth moving? Okay, what did you not like about it? They show, you know, pictures of this person, that person, various departments. And mainly dead people, although sometimes they get them wrong. I don't know about that.

I think if anything, they leave people out, and that's usually a Well, here's what they did this time because they didn't want to leave anybody out. Well, they still did. I saw. They, they did it for a while and then all of a sudden it was three at a time. No, five.

It was a block of name text only at the end. And you could just shot in a wide shot. Why did they put the names on the screen? I thought that was rude. It was rude. They should have had on my TV, should Why did they put the names on the screen? I thought that was rude. It was rude. They should have had on my TV should have been full of the names, not in the background. I see that there are names.

You thought it was so rude you slapped your TV. I did. And it's called the slap. What is called that? The tablet stories about it. Oh, I see. I see. But I. The slapper around the living room.

But in the morgue. Honey, are The slapper around the living room. Yeah. But in memoriam is how we... Honey, are you slapping the TV again? So sad. But that is like, there's... All the people's jobs and all the things. Make time for that. No, I don't. You know what I mean?

Make time for that. Well, you know, cause we... See, it took up a chunk. But if you're gonna do, you're gonna throw 30 names and by the end, let's just see the pictures as well. Yes. Give me time to read two of them if you're gonna throw up 30 names.

Cut one commercial. I know! names about the end. Let's just see the pictures as well. Yes. Give me time to read two of them if you're going to throw up 30 names. Cut one commercial. I know. They put up 50 names from far away and then they go right to commercial. But people have pause buttons now, you know? Well. You want to have the live experience. That's true. I didn't go, you're right. I wanted the live experience. I just rolled right through and I thinking I'm going to go back and pause

this and read every single name. Exactly. And I never did. I think there might've been like a QR code or something. If you want to see the complete list of dead people, go to your local cemetery. They're all buried in the same place. Your local cemetery. Wherever you are.

So he should have a list of every single dead person who's ever. They do it on the fucking thing. Fuck you. What's the 200 times? What? What thing? It's on the fucking thing. Fuck you. 200 times. What thing? I'm saying every dead person who existed ever. The passenger manifold?

That man in my box? Manifold! Manifest, I bet. The gravestone? Could you imagine if you went around to every single one because you want to know, rather than, they have a list and you say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to, I want to really absorb this. I can go around to every single headstone.

Yeah. And let me just get these names. Yeah. Yeah. And then you make your own list. I'll see if I can remember. Or, you know, I'll just do a picture of it. And then you cross-reference the other lists. Yeah.

So you say, well, you did. Yes. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. Thank you. I want to take the other list. Yeah. Well you did. Yes. Yeah, that's a good idea Thank you. I'm gonna take up some time. It's a good use of time Right. Yeah. Oh my god, so bored life so boring. Yeah, do you remember? Did you have this when you were a kid you would say you were bored and then your mom would say like here's a bunch Of chores you could do yes Jesus Wrong move. I never made that mistake again.

I feel like my mom would try to give me some ideas. I said I was bored, not dying to be put to work. But I don't like, I don't like if you're bored, you're boring. That's not true. Yeah, I don't think that's true. I think anybody can be bored. It's even boring if you're bored.

I once- I was like as a kid. I once dated a Mormon girl. Ew. Who I found out. Were you a kid. I once dated a Mormon girl. Ew. Who I found out. Were you allowed to touch her? I don't know. Did you soak?

We never established any of that. Did you soak? Soak? Wait, oh. Come on. What's the one where the people, you have your friend jump on the bed? I don't know.

It's so insane. Just suck each other. It's so insane. That's each other. It's so insane. That's so nasty. It's actually grosser than just having sex. Imagine believing in God, right? And then you're like, I gotta figure out a way to cheat him.

Hey God, I got your ass. Do you think God doesn't know about soaking? He knows all. He invented it. He's so frustrated. God is so frustrated by soaking. He's like, God, they got me. I know.

But yeah, we never established any of the rules of what we could do or couldn't do in that regard. So I just kind of was like, you know, taking stabs at it. Just going like, is this all right? Is this all right? And never any complaints. But the one thing was- This story is unseemly.

It's not going well. Oh, it's not this. It was a tangent. You were like... It's your fault. It's your fault. It's a tangent. Just said it's a tangent doesn't... The story part of it hasn't started. What's happening within that tangent.

That's just a tangent. Oh, it was a tangent. He's off the hook. He's taking a stab at it. It's just good. It's just good. You like this? You like this? Never said anything. No, it was well received is what I'm saying. Just don't, don't, don't.

But the story part is- So he soaked while his best friend jumped on the bed. The story part is that I found out that she wasn't allowed to do anything on Sundays that cost money. Right. Oh, I didn't know that was a rule. We talked about this? The story part is that I found out that she wasn't allowed to do anything on Sundays that cost money. Right. I remember this.

Oh, I didn't know that was a rule. We talked about this? We have, yes. Well, not to me, I don't think. But it reminded me of your story about like, if you're bored. So she had no money on Sunday. Yeah, she threw a book at me of like, here's the Mormon book of like things that you can do without money.

And then we had to go through it. Here's my user manual. And every single thing was shitty. And so we ended up not doing anything. Go to the park and look at a bird. I mean, I can think of a million things, but they're not exciting. Checkers. Chess. I don't think they're can they play board games? I think so. They can't play cards. Cards probably gambling. There's many gambling. But cards. there's so many games have cards in them. Uno, the rest. Oh my god, it's so true.

Against Humanities. That's true. My favorite game, Dutch Blitz. Oh yeah, we started playing that the other day. Soy fun. Dutch Blitz! Oh yeah, because I know June's really into it from listening to the podcast. Yeah, I think she got Cool Up into it.

Because they took a trip, yeah. Then when we went away, Cool up introduced Dutch Blitz to me. Do you like it? I like it, but playing it with two people is different, I guess, than playing it with more than two. Dutch Blitz like Secret Hitler, but you go have these? Yeah. It's a card game where you're basically

stacking in a certain order and then trying to make piles. It's like you're just trying to go as fast as you can. Easy, I can make piles. I can make piles. You don't know what I'm talking piles. You're making piles right now. Do you know what? I... Yeah, Paul just took a big doody-doody. You did it!

When I... So she's the bad guy for calling you out? Or was it just a tangent? When I worked on Kelsey Grammer... Nobody? Resents the what? I said, or was it just a tangent? Yeah, we heard you.

I know, but it made sense. I wanted to call... We don't have you on the show to make sense. I said it wasn't just a tangent. Yeah, we heard you. I know, but it made sense. I wanted to talk. It is. We don't have you on the show to make sense. I wanted to hear my voice. Okay, go. So talk, talk, talk, talk. When I was writing Gun, Kelsey Grammer

resents the sketch show. I remember- And everyone in it. Yeah, well that's implied. Yeah. Yeah. We were shooting somewhere and I was sitting, we were sitting outside

and I was just sitting on this stone wall. And it was kind of chilly out. It was November in London. And I remember the one of the- That's some cold shit. One of the grips, this guy named Owen, who I really liked said- Was it Owen Wilson?

Yeah. Holy shit. He was a grip on Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, that's how he got his start. Wow. Yeah, he was a grip on Kelsey Grammer Presents the Skepture. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Kelsey. Wow. And he had done a couple of movies before that, but people didn't really care. Didn't really catch on. Yeah. Really?

And then once they saw him as a grip, they were like, get back to acting. Yeah. Okay. Is that how he broke his nose? Do it like ran into a light or something? Yes. Exactly. Shit. Exactly. Crazy. He didn't pay attention to hot points and he got hit right in the nose.

Great. What a good story. Thank you, Paul. Well, there's more. What? That was a tangent? So Owen saw me sitting on the stone wall and he said- I still think it's Owen Wilson. Pole mate, don't sit there, you get poles. Poles? Piles.

He thought I would get hemorrhoids from sitting on the cold wall. The hell? Is that something that happens? I don't think so. From sitting on just stone or on anything? If you put like ice on your ass. If you sit on anything, you could get hemorrhoids.

What? Yeah. Hey. Is that why you have a standing desk while you do the show? Yeah, I'm not taking any chances. Also, I'm doing my taxes. Oh, right.

Oh my God. How are they going this year? Not good. Uh-oh. I owe the government eight million dollars. Oh my God, I remember when I had a lien put on my finances. Oh yeah, I remember. Uh-oh.

I've had so many of those. Yeah, because I was raised with no skills. Yeah. Why? I we didn't have like home ec or anything in nobody talks about money in school. No. And you really. We had a home ec, but I was making you had pancakes and that's about that's all I remember. Very economical scrambled eggs and shit. Wait, how are your pancakes? Were they flat? Well, at the time, I think I was better because better at, cause I'm poor at pancakes now we discussed.

You're making cubes right now. I'm making cubes? What? What the fuck? Pancake cubes? What are you talking about? You're so bad, you're so bad, your pancakes are cubes! I don't know, I don't know what's going on, but we-

We gotta stop doing the show. Holmeck was mainly baking- Is this the last one? This was the last one. I also had woodchop. Your pancakes are so bad, they're cubes. We also had woodchop. What'd you make?

Birdhouse? No, I made a, what's going on here? What's going on with you? What's about being flat? Are you going to Scarborough Fair? I made a box, I made a jigsaw puzzle. I made some other puzzle. Did you use the jigsaw?

I did. How was that? Was that fun? I've never used it. You know, I think it's a horrible idea for seventh and eighth graders, but we did do it. Terrible. Yeah.

It's really, they should. No one ever got hurt from my recollection. The only reason they have you do it is because like, if you're gonna flunk, then you need to have that as a backup. No, that was our. Yeah, you might have to go to the puzzle factory. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're gonna flunk, then you need to have that as a backup. No, that was our- Yeah, you might have to go to the puzzle factory. Yeah.

Oh, I see what you're saying. No. So why are they making like good students like you? Get puzzle loans. It was just a assigned class. I know, that's what I'm saying is it shouldn't be. It should be- It wasn't special.

They shouldn't have done that to you. Well, they did and I survived it. I was gonna tell you about- I like that. I like that attitude. And I think the kids need more misery. I think so too. Really?

Kids have it too good these days? Kids have it too good. Yeah. With their iPads and not getting hurt. Yeah. And their tics and their talks. Yeah. Your fingers, by the way, are shaped like puzzle pieces.

Did you accidentally? Yeah, I guess cause I actually just ran them through the jigsaw when I was in seventh grade. Do they fit together? They do perfectly. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Don't yours? No, they don't. I'm missing one. What happened? I think my wife threw it away. Okay. I think she found it under the couch and she threw it away. Why was it under the couch?

Because I was in a hurry. She left your finger under the couch because I was in a hurry. He left your finger under the couch. Yeah. I'm sorry if that's so impossible to understand. Well, I was in a hurry. So I left. I was in a hurry. So I left my finger on the couch. I'm in a hurry to get things done. Alabama. What the state that's their state motto. I'm going to hurry. Alabama. What?

The state? That's their state motto. I'm gonna hurry to get things done. It's a song that goes like this. I'm in a hurry to get things done, oh I rush and rush until life's no fun. I was about to say, all their voices were like,

oh I really gotta do it, sleep and die, but. That's the Oak Ridge boy. Oh, okay. I'm in a hurry and don't know why. What did Alabama do? What was Alabama's big song? That one?

You shouldn't be able to call your band an entire state or a city. You don't think that was's big song? That one? You shouldn't be able to call your band an entire state. You wouldn't think that was a big song? I don't, I haven't, no, I've never heard that song before. It's great. Like Chicago, just taking it for themselves. Play it. They have the decency to not name any of their albums. Take it to the limit.

Oh, that one I know. One more time. Alabama bands. Iggles. Oh that one I know Alabama bands the the official website Tour dates Let's check out their 10 slash a nope there. I mean they have they have a lot this summer

Go see what their songs are. Yeah, maybe what'll- What are your songs? We're gonna show you. Before they could play a note. Maybe it'll cross over with a CBB tour and we can go see them on an off- That'd be great for you guys. Sure. Would that be fun? Yeah, I might have a cold.

Number one singles. Wow, they got a ton of them. Well, name some. Tennessee River. Why, lady, why? Don them. Well, name some. Tennessee River. Why, lady, why? Don't know, don't know. Tennessee River, I can't remember how that goes. But I don't know, but these are all number one

on the country albums. Boo! Just play the one I like. What is it called? I'm in a Hurry. I'm in a Hurry? From 1992? Well, it was also- Oh, that's why.

It was also our passing period song my senior year. So beg your pardon? Between like second period and home base or something like that they would play, which was. We have an ad first for help kids live. Help kids live, not help kids live. You just have to put your mouth. I'm gonna go get things done.

Rushing, rushing till life's no fun All I really gotta do is live and die But I'm in a hurry and don't know why Don't know why I have to drive so fast My car has nothing It's a great song Who did Carry On my way with some?

Kansas. Kansas. Another one. Another one. Come on, everybody. But then some haven't been taken, like Alaska. Are you sure about that? Florida?

Florida, yeah. Well, Florida. No, Florida. Yeah, but he had the deep, deep break out. Iowa. That was a close one. OIWA. OIWA.

Connecticut. They would play a song. Connecticut. They would play a song. Connecticut! They would play a song at this one point of the day every Friday. What do you say home base? Do you mean homeroom? It was called home base. Home base! And they would play it.

It feels fucking cool. Every Friday is the Friday song. And then you have a new one each year. This school sounds so cool. Each year! So then you're like, this is the new song for the year. And when would they premiere it? Would it be like a big? First day of, first Friday of each year. This school sounds so cool. Each year. So then you're like, this is the new song for the year. And when would they premiere it? Would it be like a big?

First day of, first Friday of the year. First Friday of the year they would unveil it? They would unveil it. And then we'd go, this is the song. I think there was the principal or somebody picked it. What a cool dude. And then, if you didn't like it, cause one time it was Country Road, Take Me Home,

that really annoyed me. That's weird. Yeah. I thought it would be tied into nothing moving around, like going from place to place. No, I don't think it wasn't. It wasn't celebrating you guys moving around. It was celebrating the fact that it's Friday. Would the whole song play? Um, I guess through the three minute passing period, passing period. I'm not calling it that, but I think it was. No songs are longer than three minutes. Passing period? Good catch. Yeah, they faded out.

Most songs? They're longer than three minutes. Self-imposed fade? I follow my high school on Instagram. Weird. What a weirdo. There was some reason why I started because there was some connection to something. But it- You went there. I know, but I think I followed because it was a specific event or something. But I think I followed because it was a specific event or something. And then I just saw like the stories yesterday were like, be on time, don't be late. And I was like, Oh my God, would I like, first of all, if you go to school, that school now,

are you following this account? Secondly, if you see the story that says don't be late, what is what's going on? I'm unfollowing right there. Yeah. Like I think, I think as a student I'll be late if I'm fucking late. I would be not heeding that call. What time does school start? Eight? I think it was, I think it was 8.05. 8.05.

And then how much time do you get in between? Three minutes. Three minutes. Only three, well mine, mine was so big. I know the school was huge. The traveling period. No, we had to book it. No, we, we must've gotten five at least.

I doubt it. You doubt that I got five? I bet my school is as big as your school. I bet I got more than five. Let's find out how big your school was. How many kids were in your class? Hundreds. 900 in my class.

Okay, my high school does not, my high school by the way has ceased to exist. It closed down a couple years ago. When you graduated, they were like, we don't have any purpose anymore. Yeah, we did it. We got them out there. We have 3,000 people in our school.

3,000, dang. Mine would have been a little more than that, I think, because it was 900 per class or something. Mine was less than that by a great degree. Really? Yeah. By like how many factors? Uh-oh. The ball's shutting down Ball shutting down. 100.

So they don't have an Instagram, but there is a Bisha McDevitt High School alumni. She just shook her ice right in the mic. No, the straw. It's been a long time since I've had a 7-up. Been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time. Time since I had a 7-up.

And it was good. Paul, we have to take a break. Do you want to get back to this after the other side of this? No. Yeah. No, you should. You should. There's nothing to get back to.

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D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash freedom. That's drink, D R N K, ag1.com slash freedom. Check it out. And we're back and Paul has something really important. I'm looking, I'm looking at the 67 members and jumping up and down when he saw something on his phone. He started jumping up and down on the bed. Oh yeah, we were recording. My friend thanked me. We were recording Scott's room. There are 67 people that are following the Bishop McDevitt Alumni Association. I do not know any of their names. That's not enough people.

If you don't have a hundred thousand followers, just shut down. That's not enough for- We're including people from the future who have not gone to the school yet. Yeah, it feels nobody's really interested, I guess. But you know, maybe that's not really the place for them to get that information. Maybe it's not. I don't know. So I was headed doctor's appointment and I'm I was sitting in a small room. We're dying, by the way. We should mention to the listener. Thankfully, I'm not. But my nose is doing the I think I have. Hokey pokey.

Yeah, that thing that you had when we were supposed to go to England. No, but I it's just I can't breathe. OK, so you also have a mouth. Yeah, I'm doing a lot of breathing. It's really cool. You fucking got you. I know I have other holes to breathe out. Oh, shit! Really cool. He fucking got you. I know, I have other holes to breathe out of. Oh, God.

I was sitting by all these very old senior citizens. Was I there? No. And this man, I'll just say, cause I actually sat on another podcast, but I had to get an iron infusion, some vitamins. Sure. And, but I was-

You're like Iron man, but, but I was next to people getting all sorts of infusions. Some of them were in, you know, tough situations and whatnot, but this man was talking to me at length today, which normally doesn't happen there. I usually be able to kind of put my headphones on and cause it takes a couple of hours. By the way, if you're a man, don't ever talk to a woman.

You know what? Agree. He was very nice. Um, but I did learn a lot about him and he learned a lot about me. And I, but he showed me at one point a picture of him, a picture, it's a black and white photo from the forties. Of his penis. This is how we used to do it in my day. Deak penis.

Instead of frame. It's all crumpled for me in a wallet. It's a silhouette. It was a picture of a woman and three kids and he said the baby that that woman's holding is my wife and I'm next to her and I was two and a half and they were neighbors growing up. Whoa. And they recently, not recently, but at some point they uncovered this photo because what's

going on? His dad, the woman's dad, so I guess this guy's father-in-law, kept this picture in his wallet during the war and had folded back the picture, the side with the boy because he wasn't his kid. I don't even care about this boy. If I die, fucking the crowds get me. They got, they eventually got that picture back and. And they unfolded it and were like,

who's this handsome kid? How did they get the picture back? They ripped it out of his cold dead hands. Just like the NRA. What's your issue with the idea of the picture? Cause I thought it was sweet. Oh, I have no issue. I think I was trying to formulate something funny to say.

What if you had to date someone who lives? What if you had to date and marry someone who lived like in, I guess, one square mile of where you grew up? Because you know, like back in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the early 1900s or whatever. That's just what you did. You had to. Yeah. Well, you couldn't travel far enough I could do it. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the early 1900s or whatever, that's just what you did. You had to.

Yeah. Well, you couldn't travel far enough to meet other people. Yeah. My block had enough people that one of those could have worked out if I had to. Yeah. You still got one on backup. How about you? I don't. I mean, my neighbors to the left of me, to the right of me

and right across the street were all one year older and they hated me and made fun of me. Wow. Oh, I see. So you're saying, would it be, you're saying not just- Wouldn't be prudent. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. You're not saying just what if you were forced to do it.

You're saying, would you be able to because- Yeah, what would the pickings be like for you? Yeah, because the people have to like you. Yeah. Well, that's a different thing. And I don't know if I could do it. But not liking you as a kid is different than not liking you as an adult. It's so true.

I think I was pretty much 18 and they didn't like me then. Everyone I met as a child, I made up my mind about there and then, and now I feel the same way. Well, I mean, that's kind of true with people from like elementary school or something where you're like, everyone falls into these certain categories. And it's kind of hard to get past that if you were to just meet them now, you'd be thinking about, oh, I only know you as this annoying brat. Yeah, I'd say you suck. You're small. You're the smallest one here.

I've reconnected with some people from my past and recent years and it's been very nice. Oh, very nice. But there's people who are like bullies. I don't know what they're up to. Well, actually I do. I've Googled them. So you have a no bully policy when it comes to reconnecting with people? I have a no follow back.

No follow back. You're not on team follow back? Remember team follow back. I'll never forget it. You know, a team follow back? Remember a team follow back. I'll never forget it. You know, it's so weird. Cause there ain't no follow back girl. It's so weird when people have contests and say,

whoever wins will have me follow them back. Yeah, cause then you gotta follow them. And immediately muted? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What kind of prize is that? Give away like a $50 gift card. They shouldn't say the part about immediately muting.

Yeah, that's true. I still have. I'm just like, I'm gonna do it. I still have 50 bucks to Olive Garden from Family Feud. Oh, so do I. Oh, we do too, yeah. It was a year ago. Yeah, yeah. We should all go.

We should go get diarrhea together. Hey, I'm on team Hospitaliano. What does that mean? That was one of my restaurant roundups. Do we have to go through restaurant roundup again? Oh my God, you worked at Olive Garden? Of course. You're not familiar with Hospitality on Up.

Well, I kind of only get the same thing, and it does always give me diarrhea, but I really like it. But you have diarrhea every day, you were saying. That's not true anymore. I don't know if I've ever eaten at Olive Garden. Oh, we got to go with these good certificates. I remember eating at a place called Maggiano's. Yeah, I love Maggiano's.

Where they, it's one of those places where it's like, here's too much food. It's the corner bakery, but it's fancy. I'm not familiar with the corner bakery. Well, they were connected at my mall. So I guess I've always thought they were the same thing, but maybe they weren't. I passed by that restaurant,

I know I've talked about on here before, the Big Yellow House, but I passed by the Santa Barbara one again when we were going to Santa Barbara. The Big Yellow House? Yeah, so I think I brought it up because it was, we used to, it was a chain and we used to love going to it and they would, it was all family style.

It wasn't where you'd order your own thing. Is this an Orange County place? Well, there's one up in Santa Barbara. It's like, was Bucco di Beppo family-style? Yeah, Bucco di Beppo was family-style. But this is the place that I think I mentioned where they would weigh you, and then they would charge you by the pound.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait. The person? Yeah. They'd weigh the- Does what? On the end of being weighed or weighed? They would weigh the person?

The person would do it? That's- That's- The scale would be. That's so disgusting. Yeah, so they would... So then they'd be like, you gained a pound while you were here? No, they're not doing it constantly.

Constantly. All right, time for weighing after you ate. But they do it when you walk in? Yeah, when you walk in or when you go to the table and then they determine how much you're gonna pay for your dinner that night. That's demented. It is demented.

That's so sick. And they double down on it too. That's like so... They're like we're going to weigh you and then we're going to call your weight out to the restaurant. Isn't that horrible? Yeah, it's horrible. But it was fun like because no one else is doing it. Because you were like a kid?

Well, if you're... no, I always wanted to have it done but I was a kid and they... if you're under whatever 12 or, they wouldn't weigh you. Cause it's not dramatic enough. Yeah. So it's like, that's when they should do it. You won't be shamed. You have no idea what those numbers mean. But, but I, but so I pass anytime I go to Santa Barbara.

Come on. He's like, see, he's laser focused on you waiting to take you down. He's been doing it to me too. To the detriment of his own comedy. It's true. He's been doing it to me too. Ha ha have they not demolished it with a big chain? Someone won't get off the scale. It's the old man from Up. This is my goal weight.

I can't stop looking at it. But yeah, why wouldn't you turn it into something else? It's befuddled. How about a big blue house and you could put a bear in there? Sure. That was a classic show. Now what was the idea? He was a vicious bear who had a house?

Honestly, I was just right past the point where it made sense for me to watch that. So I just couldn't. I don't know what this is. Bear in the Big Blue House. What? It was a Nick Jr. program. Nick Jr.

Oh my God. So Nick was a thing and then they were like, hey, let's go younger. You know, I just. What was on Nickelodeon? I feel like now all the programming is kids programming. I don't know. No, it was kids programming. It was always kids, but it was Nick Jr is for like little little kids.

So it was like teens who are preteens who like being slimed and stuff. Yeah. Nickelodeon was like, very cool. You know, if you're nine, 10, 11, 12, 34, And then Nick Jr is if you're that age and you have a child. No, it's for when you're a little sibling. That's gross. It's adult programs directed at adults who have children. So it's like R rated stuff.

And then of course there was Nick at Night, which was the reruns. Yes, of course the reruns. Bewitched, I dream of Jeannie. I watched-uns. Bewitched. I dream of Jeannie. I watched the pilot of the Dick Van Dyke show. The Dick Van Dyke show. And then it led me to... Why did you watch that? Why? What are you doing? What are you up to? What's your end game? What's going on? But it led me to the Rosemary documentary. I didn't know there was one. There is. Yes, it's very good. Who? Rosemary was a cast member of the Dick Van Dyke show. But she was really interesting in the sense she was a child star.

Wow. Who then toured the country on the vaudeville circuit and also made friends with the mafia. Boy, I made friends with them. Hey, what are you guys up boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. Made friends with them. Fascinating. Hey, what are you guys up to? It was sort of- I'm Rosemary, I just moved here. It was one of these things where they were like, hey, your kid will take care of her.

Anything ever happens, call us. And she was like, and I did. She had many husbands killed. A fascinating life, Rosemary. Sure. I remember when she was- You watched the whole doc? I did.

You watched the whole thing? I turned it off 10 seconds before the end. We finally finished the We Are the World documentary. Oh yeah, good one. It was great. Oh, that's about the Mahim song? Yes. Yeah.

It's fascinating. It is? It's really fascinating, yeah. Okay. Yeah. The Dylan part is amazing. It's so funny. Because Dylan is, I'm assuming assuming stoned out of his mind.

What's going on? Gotta be. He's there the whole time. Everyone is on cocaine, I think that's it's like one of the stars of the documentary that they never mentioned. Except Al Jarreau, who's drunk off his ass. Yes, they do call him out for being incredibly drunk. Yes. And to the point where he kept asking for more bottles of wine to be brought in and they would bring them in

and then Lionel Richie would take them back out. Oh my God. But yeah, everyone's on Coke and Bob Dylan is there and he is not a good singer. And no one knows why he showed up. That's the thing is like, Bob Dylan shouldn't be doing this. And he shows up and then he can't sing and everyone's like, OK, what's Dylan going to do?

They're like, OK, Bob, because they don't do individual lines until the end of the recording. Together, it sounds like trash. First they do. Because everyone's got their unique. No, because they Quincy Jones directed this thing. And he was like, now we're just going to do this. If you can't sing in this key, don't sing. Don't like take it down an octave.

We only want the people who can sing in this range. Yeah. That's it. So they're doing it piece by piece. And so all the solo parts, all the solo parts were at the end. Yeah. So they did all the solo lines and no one wants to give Bob Dylan one of these lines cause he'll sing it poorly. So then at the very end, end they're like, okay Bob, what do we do with you?

And then they just like a Stevie Wonder imitates him at the piano going what if you did something like this? Don't like how do I do this? How do I see to a melody? Yeah, and so Stevie Wonder just kind of goes do this. There's a choice we make it. We're saving our own lives. And Bob Dylan's like, okay, I can do that. And then he does it. That's cool. And he's obviously super nervous about it. And then everyone applauds and they go, yeah, that's it.

And he goes, this was, I was really surprised at this and it was very relatable. He goes, that wasn't good. And everyone goes, no, that was fine. I mean, you did it like Bob Dylan. Yeah. What did you think you sounded like? Have you never listened to a Bob Dylan album? We should do a We Are The World style podcast.

Or you just did not a song. No, we did We Are The World, too. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah. Kurt Russell was in it. He intro. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. What was it? First we did Comedian Singing, Do They Know It's Christmas, to raise money for the LA Food Bank. And then the next year we did We Are the World and Kurt Russell intro'd the video of it. And we drove to his house and shot in his study where his boots

were by the fireplace and everything. It was very funny. And he was very nice. I love him. Yeah. I love him. Yeah. That's great. Did you ever see Bone Tomahawk? Yeah. No.

It's great. That's one of the craziest movies I've ever seen. Yeah. And only for that, what, last 20 minutes? Sure. It's like in Western. Lauren, you gotta watch it. You know what the craziest movie I've ever seen. Yeah. And only for that what? Last 20 minutes or it's like, yeah. It's like in Western. You got to watch it.

You know what the crazy movie I've ever seen is? Wait, why? You got to watch it, Lauren. Watch it with Molly. Fucking crazy. Do you know what the crazy movie I've ever seen is? What? This is Doubtfire, because there's that part where like he's got the

and his mask goes in the street and then like a truck runs over oh my god she's dying! Wait does that happen? Could you imagine if you were dying the last thing you did and you were talking about Mrs. Doubtfire? Mrs. Doubtfire mask! And then there was a drive-by fruity! And then there was a drive-by fruity! It was crazy man! I still can't believe that's based on a book!

It is? Yes! It was crazy man. I still can't believe that's based on a book. It is? Yes! A good book too. Like a classic. The Bible. It's based on the Bible. Thou shalt not covet, covet, covet.

Thou shalt not doubt fire. What if thou, I mean that's as crazy as any of the commandments. Those commandments are- Great point. Thou shalt not kill? Weird. Come on, everyone talks about Thou shalt not kill. Yeah, that's the star of the show. We know that one, but talk about the other nine. They're fucking weird.

Thou shalt not steal. Covet thy neighbor's wife? Yeah. I'll do whatever I want with her. Sorry, it happened. Let's run them down. Thou shalt not have no other gods before me? Yeah, that's rude. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Come on. That's that one stings. I'm not going to lie. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. First three very self-absorbed. Yeah. Yeah. Obsessed with himself. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Oh my God.

Another one. Another one about him. Another one. And then we're like, okay, by the way, also honor they father and mother. That one sucks. We have to go to confession and say, I did honor my mother and father. Number six, number six. Oh, by the way, thou shalt not kill. Number six. That does feel like it should be six, number six. Oh, by the way, thou shalt not kill. Number six. That does feel like it should be kind of number one. That's number one. Number seven.

Ironically with a bullet. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Come on. That Lord just blew her nose. We all heard it. Lord moved a few inches away from the mic. That was, ooh. Thou shalt.

That was more mouth related. Sure. Thou shalt not steal as eight, then, okay, thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Don't lie. Don't be a snitch either. Don't be, yeah, snitches get stitches. And thou shalt not covet.

I mean, three of these are fine, but the other seven. Which ones? That one, kill, steal. You're right, only two. The other eight are just, who cares? They had to fill up the tablet. That's true. I do like the bearing of false witness against your neighbor.

There was so much of that going on in the Bible times. So much God. He stole a bunch of figs. Yeah, just making shit up. Yeah. Do you think you'd be great on a jury? I've never gotten to be on a jury. I was on a jury. I don't know if I was great at it.

You know what? I took it. You sent someone to be executed. You were telling me. Yeah. But they didn't count mine. I was like, oh, I thought we were voting on this. I, um, I took it very, very seriously to the point where we ended up with a hung jury. I wasn't like the only dissenter, but we were like, you weren't like the Fonzie. Oh yeah. What was his jury duty?

His jury duty thing was he was 12 angry. Remember he was the only one who was like, no, this guy's innocent. This guy's something about car parts. No, he just, he felt like he was 12 angry men, but he was the only one who was like, no, this guy's innocent. This guy's got something about car parts. No, he just, he felt like he was innocent. And then they were all pressuring him, come on, we got to get out of here. And then finally he figured out something about the rear view mirror or something on a motorbike or something exonerated the guy. And it was like, yeah.

And then everyone was like, we judged you too harshly Arthur Fonzarelli. We thought you were a grease ball. We have to take a break. Okay. Bye. Ah, Lauren spring has sprung. Spring has truly sprung. Wow. What does that mean to you?

Well, I mean, for me, I like to get out there and I like to enjoy the weather. I like to sort of, you know, I like to be active. You know what I mean? Yeah. Get out in the sunshine. What, going for a run? Sometimes I like to run, but man, I'd love to... Oh my gosh, who's that? Oh my gosh! Oh no! Oh it's me, hey guys.

Oh hi Paul! I was reading a funny comic strip. Oh that's how you have. For real, it's Henry. Yeah, I remember Henry. He's bald, he doesn't have a mouth. Yeah, sure. Anyway, we were talking about it being spring and the things we like to do to enjoy the

weather. Oh, for me? What I love to do is I love to get on my electric e-bike and just zip around the town. You know, I've heard they have an amazing variety of models built for riders of all abilities and the fact that it's never been easier to fall in love with writing again. Scott, everything you're saying is true.

And what I'd like to do is tell you and you, Lauren, and I guess everyone listening, since we are recording this, go to electricbikes.com. Electric e-bikes. Oh, you forgot. Yeah. The thing is, is you have to go to electricebikes.com. Can I tell you what happened in my mind? Yeah.

I was thinking electric, and I was thinking, OK, I have to remind people that there's no E at the front. And so you skipped all E's. That caused me to completely skip all E's. It's a common mistake, but here's what the address is electric ebikes.com. And you'll discover ebikes that started just $799 with the XP light. And look, can I be honest with you? Yes, please. I want to share some feelings. Okay. This isn't weird. It's a safe space. I love my electric e-bike.

Just owning it has made me so much more motivated to get out there and get some fresh air. I use it all the time. Well, they're a great way to get around offering up to 150 miles on one charge through electric's unbeatable long range options. Go full throttle into spring with electric e-bikes, the number one selling E-Bikes in the nation. Get your adventure started at electricebikes.com and please mention the freedom sent you in the post-checkout survey. That's L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E-Bikes.com. Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? Well, with 24 seven US based live customer service from discover, everyone has the option

to talk to a real person anytime, day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the discover customer service team anytime. So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800-DISCOVERED to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply, see terms at discover.com slash credit card. And we're back and we're gonna play, I don't know if this is called Secret Word, but.

It is now. And by the way, this is a three word, but it is now and by the way This is a three-chir if you were confused about what's happening. We've done this 199 times and we're about to do it again Yeah This is a three-chir where we play a game and we have fun doing it and if you would like to send us one so we Can have fun and therefore you can have fun listening to us having fun While we do this like each other you like us and we like you love the game.

Write to us at Freedom USA Gmail dot com. Freedom USA dot com. Freedom. It's so easy. Freedom USA Gmail dot com. Do not write to Freedom UK. Oh, my God. They're so tired of getting your emails. Mine. Yours. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always writing to them? Yeah.

Please tell Lauren to stop sending us emails. I'm trying to reach you guys. No wonder you're never here. Okay, so we're gonna play secret word. How this works is we're gonna text each other. I'm gonna text Paul, Paul's gonna text Lauren, Lauren's gonna text me a word. And we then are gonna improvise a scene

and we're gonna have to say that word in the scene. And then Lauren's gonna guess what Paul's secret word was, Paul's gonna guess what mine was, and I'm gonna guess what Lauren's was. So we are all texting each other and we gotta try to obscure this secret word as much as we can make it flow in normal conversation. Otherwise the other person's gonna know

exactly what it is. So here we go. I am texting. I'm waiting. Thank you, got it. I've texted one to Lauren. I'm waiting. Thank you, got it. I've texted one to Lauren. I'm waiting for one from Scott. And I have texted Paul.

You can use by the way any verb tense or whatever of the word. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And I have received the word.

All right, here we go. Hey everyone, come in, come in. Well, of course I'm gonna come in. I'm here, hello. Come in, come in please. How do you do? Beautiful, beautiful space. Thank you for having us.

Get in here, get in here please. We're not in far enough. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a customer here. I don't quite know why I'm being posed. I was just passing by. I need you inside here. The door is open right now. We're losing all the air conditioning.

Just come in. I mean, I mean. Close this. Yes. Can you close it behind you, please? I will close it with expediency. All right. What on earth is happening here? Let me tell you what's happening.

We're having an incredible, incredible showcase here. Incredible showcase? Yes. OK, well, I'm here to get some baked good. No, you're not. Not anymore. Terrible improv. We can't get some baked goods?

No. And this is not improv. This is life. Sorry, terrible life. You have a terrible life? In improv, you're supposed to, you're not supposed to say no, but you can say not anymore.

And also what I mentioned, you guys didn't seem to be all that into, the showcase of the art that was happening. Oh art! I didn't hear you! Oh you didn't hear? This isn't even a fucking bakery. I see you have a-

I thought it was. No. When I saw the cream puffs in the window, profiteroles and rolls, every sort of little thing. You have a panoply of artworks. Look, this is this is all art. Local artists have made this baked goods. I see. Yes, that's my that's the confusion. You thought you were out of it. Okay, I'm sorry. Because on the window there's just artwork

hanging of cream puffs and profiteroles. I apologize. Yes, so that picture is perpendicular to the other picture. Cakes. Cakes. Bastard about. And also- Bastard about. And all sorts of funny little ways.

Look, lamb basted. Lamb basted. Clam baked. I got there bastard? Clam baked! I got that naturally. Clam baked. Now, I don't need to speak extemporaneously or... And I don't mean to be... I'm not trying to bloviate.

I'm not being coniferous when I say... Carnivorous! I'm not filibustering. Coniferous. Coniferous. Isn't that about trees? It is. I'm not being like a tree.

I'm... You're going to stay. I'm being like a woman. Hmm. Okay. Well, I want to show you all of this artwork. Local artists made these. This wall is all of baked goods, obviously, but then this is just...

This is a local artist who's using various things from her childhood. Indiscriminate, you might say. Yeah. Yeah. Various items from her childhood. You have wooden blocks. Oh, I see. Oh, it's sort of higgledy-piggledy. Is that fair to say?

With undue shapes and sizes. Sir, I don't know what your, what your deal is here. I just pass it by. Do you have a thesaurus? You're not interested? Do you have a thesaurus? Do you have a thesaurus? We're gonna flip through.

I'm very interested. It's your name Mr. Thesaurus or something? It's well, Captain Thesaurus. Why don't you go grab your teddy bear, grab your blankie, go home and cry to your mommy about, about what's going on here, okay? This is condescending and infantilizing. Because I'm trying to sell some artwork here, okay?

If you don't have money. Has everybody gotten their word out? Maybe. I have money, I'm quite wealthy. I own several zeppelins. All right, let's stop. Everyone's got their word out. I think I have a guess, but I'm sure I'm wrong

because it got so out of control. I think I wasn't paying attention to what other people were saying because I was having fun. I think yours was expediency. No. No. Perpendicular. No.

No. All those were to throw you off track. I know Higgled and Piggledly. No. I threw a lot of red herrings in there. Do you know mine? You know it. I know yours.

I'm supposed to guess yours. Yeah, you weren't paying attention. No, I was. Oh, what was it? I filed it away. Oh, it was coniferous. No. Ah.

I filed it away. It was profiterole. I did say it a few times. Did you say it? Is that a big thing? She said it, yeah. Okay, good. Okay, and what was mine, Paul?

Yours was artwork. No. No. No. No, I have absolutely no idea. Mine was blankie. Blankie! Okay. What was yours again? Very good.

Yours was... Or you didn't say it yet. No one has guessed. I did say it. I mean, she's supposed to guess. I know what it is. I mean, too me. You said so many big words at a certain point,

I just lost track. Bloviate. Wow, that one did stand out, but it felt pretty late in after you'd done a lot of them, so good trick. Paul's trick is to do like about 10 before the real one. You've heard of Gerald's Game? This is Paul's trick. I love Gerald's Game, by the way.

Gerald's Game was great. I've never heard of Gerald's Game. You've never heard of Gerald's Game? I love Gerald's game. Gerald's game was great. You never heard of Gerald's game? No, what's that? Oh my God, it's the best book. Here's what it's the best book. Even greater movie. What happens is you and your spouse go to away. Your marriage is not great.

And so you go to a movie and you watch this thing. So you go to a remote cabin and you decide, this is the time to get into BDSM. So you handcuff your spouse to the bedpost, and then you have a heart attack on top of them. Oh, god. Then a dog eats part of you. And then you hallucinate a gigantic man.

And it turns out that guy was real. Whoa. Big spoilers for Gerald's game. Yeah. Sorry, everybody. Hope you weren't watching that tonight. Who's in that? Hope you weren't halfway through reading it.

Two greats in the Mike Flanagan averse. Bruce. Did Mike Flanagan actually direct it? Yeah, he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Carla Gugino. Carla Gugino.

And Bruce Greenwood. Ah, the Mr. Usher himself. And the guy from, the tall guy from Twin Peaks. The tall guy from Twin Peaks was there, the giant, as they call him in that. I used to know his name, hold on. Paul, you're losing it. Shit. T-T-F-E-T.

Remember all those great years you knew his name? Carol Stryken. Was it? Yes. Okay. All right, now we go the opposite way. Okay, so I'll text Now we go the opposite way now text. Yeah Paul text me I text Lauren and Lauren you text Paul. I Have texted Lauren

Lauren has texted Paul. I have texted Lauren. Lauren has texted Paul. I have texted Scott. Great. We all have our words. Everybody get in here. Come on in. Get in here. Oh good, good, good, good. I wanted to come in. Grandpa, stop. What? How dare you? You can't control us. We're all working from home.

You can't just upend what I'm doing. Okay, fine. I'm in the middle of typing something. What are you typing? I don't care. It's a business report from my work. That thing is like a hundred pages. You're in the middle? is like a hundred pages.

You're in the middle. You have a hundred more pages. Yes. I, yes. It's kind of report is this. It's, it's about a lot of really intense stuff that's going on in the world. Do you need any help? I mean, I've just been sitting around whining to come in to see grandpa. Yeah.

Let's do a grandpa once. Okay. I want you all to shut up. First of all, stop your whining and whinging and grumbles and mumbles. I'm sick of it. Now, there's gonna be some changes around here. Oh no. Everyone has to do their fair share.

It's called teamwork. That makes the dream work. That's exactly right. All right, I'll close my laptop. Close your laptop. Ow! On your foot. Right on my finger. Cease your computations.

That's mine. I happen to be walking on my hands today. Okay, I get it. You're in the circus. Yes. It's my dream. Grandpa always wanted me to be in the circus, too. It's his dream for me.

I did. I wanted you to fall from the high wire to your death. Grandpa. I have murderous intent and criminal intent. It's his dream for me. I did. I wanted you to fall from the high wire to your death. Grandpa. I have murderous intent and criminal intent. I don't know if I can keep living here with you. Why? You're just so controlling.

It just feels like there's just you call these meetings that just go on and on. They're completely interminable. I don't know what's going to happen. Every time you call us into the room, we never know what it's about. My heart just starts beating just. Can I tell you something? Yeah. What? I do it because I have a compulsion.

I don't really have anything to talk about. I just want to see you, kid. Oh my God. Oh my God. I didn't just say that. I'm just a sentimental old fool. Oh my God, I was so worried. Your jaw became totally unhinged. You were.

Oh my God, it's on the ground. Let me pick it up for you, grandpa, can I? I know you don't want me to touch you, but. Put it back in my cranium. Here you go. You're getting more and more like a skeleton. What? Are you playing my ribs like a xylophone?

Stop that, what? I was so nervous. I do love that at once. I was so nervous. I do love an instrumental piece. I was so nervous that you were calling us in here to tell us that you were gonna like die soon or something like that. My heart is just beating a mile a minute. I probably won't die for another 70 years or so.

70, you already are 93 years old. I go and I get iron every day. I ask young people about themselves and then they find out all about me You're just getting iron like scrap iron. It's all in the backyard and honestly, there's too much of it back there Because I'm magnetized yet. You're magnetized. So what that's good That means my blood is rich in nutrients. Look you're sticking to the refrigerator. I love it. Grandpa, I wanted to talk to you about something.

What is it dear? There's a stigma around you that people in the neighborhood are discussing at great length. Is it my stigmata? Yeah, I mean the fact that your palms start bleeding indiscriminately. No, it's not indiscriminate. It's when I want it to happen. Wait, you have a stigmata of your own choosing? Yes, here we go. Eww! I can't take this. Look at the feet too. I can't take this. My heart.

What's wrong with your heart? You know I have a bad ticker, I have a bum ticker. But you're only 50-70 years old. I know, but I've had three heart attacks already and I can't take these kinds of situations. Since we've been talking? Yes. Someone needs to call the paramedics and they'll come in an ambulance. Okay, that felt alright.

It is, if somebody's having heart attacks. I don't have, you know I don't own a smartphone. I know you don't own one. I'm off the grid. I know you have one somewhere. I do. I stole one. You shouldn't have coveted it. Jesus Christ. What's wrong with you? I'm having like these weird palpitations where I can't like breathe. What's weird about them? Well, the fact that they're occurring is bad enough.

Oh, well, right. But. And what's your them? Well, the fact that they're occurring is bad enough. Oh, well, right. But what's your problem? Well, honestly, I'm just waiting for this meeting to end because it goes on. It's going on for so far. I'm so sorry. So I didn't realize the meeting was going long. It's going. How long would you say it's it's interminable? I'm going to say meeting adjourned. OK, thank you. All right. Bye. Ask me if the meeting's happening.

Is the meeting happening? Not anymore. OK, good. I'm going to turn and go my laptop now. Have we all got the note? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Is yours heart? No. So close. Is it palpitation? It's palpitation. OK, I said it twice. No, I thought palpitation, but then I thought

that felt almost like an add on after you've been saying part of a lot of times. The first time I said it, I almost mumbled it and I felt bad. Cause he also called- You mumbled it, which is why I thought it wasn't it. Cause I was like, you can't just try to get away with it. I know. So I said it again.

Yeah. Was yours interminable? Yes. And was yours adjourned? No. No. No. No. No. No.ned? No. That's the perfect word to end a new proceed. Not bad, but no.

No, no, no. What was yours? I'm trying to remember now. What the fuck was it? It was grumbles. Grumbles. What did you say though? I'm sick of your grumbles and mumbles.

Good stuff. Really good. Really good stuff. This was fun. I'm going to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Wait, yeah, you know if you're new now Are you new now? Hello human. Are you new now? Alright that's gonna do it for us. Yeah. Thank you very much for listening to us whether you've listened to 200 episodes or you've listened to part of one and said this sucks

If you listen to this one and then 60 seconds in turned it off. Thank you so much Thank you anyway, we love you so much. Thank you anyway. We love you so much. We really appreciate it. Yeah, we're out here just talking nicely about you and you don't even know. You don't even know. Like a dumb idiot. I feel sorry for you.

Yeah. If you'd like to write to us, of course, 3dmusahemail.com as previously mentioned. And if you'd like to call us, if you want to leave us a voicemail, here's what you do. Don't use your phone. No. Well, you could go on your phone. Yeah, but you're not using the phone for the purposes intended. No. Well, you could go on your phone. Yeah, but you're not using the phone for the purposes intended. No. You're using the phone as as modern times do, which is you go to a website called hag claims eight dot com and leave us a voicemail. That's right.

And we'll answer these voicemails on our three medium episodes, which come out on Wednesday every other week. Yes. those are little mini episodes. You can hear those at CBB World and also some sort of Apple podcast thing, like a subscription to Apple podcasts, Lemonada. I don't know. Maybe someone in your house listens to it real loud. You can hear it that way. That'd be a great way to do it. Maybe if you're passing by like a podcast shop, you'll be playing it in the window. You could be hiding in here. Yeah. For all we know.

That honestly would be the scariest thing I can imagine. Yeah. That's the scariest thing you can imagine. That's it. That's the only thing. Just one person hiding. If they were in your cabinet here and they'd been listening to every episode. I don't want to have that happen now. What if it was a monster? That's not scarier. No. Just a person because a person can have ill intent. A monster just is. Yeah. And you can run away was a monster? That's not scarier? No, just a person because a person can have ill intent. Yeah a monster just is yeah

And you can run away from so a monster would tear you limb from limb, but he's not doing it maliciously Oh a fast monster Paul What a fast monster we're talking slow monsters. Yeah, I'm Monster could be slow. It's gonna tear you from limb from limb. Nobody says it has to be fast There's nothing in the rule book that says tearing limb from limb has to be fast. How fast are you when you run? When I run, probably 80 miles an hour. Whoa, that's really slow.

That's so slow, you're right. Yeah, I'm not a fast runner, but tearing limb from limb, I do it real slow, real slow. And by the way, you only have four limbs, so it's not like it takes a lot of time. Well, it can take a long time if you go one by one, one a day, one every two days. Plus vitamins.

What's vitamins? What's vitamins? What's vitamins? Also we have three visiting on the twos, which is we re-release our old episodes out from behind the paywall on Tuesdays. No one asked us to do this. No.

We do it. It's our gift to you. Yeah, no, there was absolutely no call for it. Nobody was like, when will you guys release the world? When will the three visiting on the twos start? Didn't happen. It didn't happen. Never happened.

It was fabricated. No. A group of writers wrote that one. It was made up. It was a false flag. It's my favorite. A conspiracy theory. It's my favorite thing ever.

I want to memorize it in order. I know, you really honestly should. What is it? It's the meme. Jonathan Frakes. Where he's, where it's like. I know, you really honestly should. What is it? It's the meme. Jonathan Frakes. Where he's, where it's like. Beyond belief, factor fiction. Exactly.

And he just is, they just made a compilation of all the times he says something's not real. Oh, that, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people put like a, you know. They got three good compilations out of that because they got the nos, they got the yeses, and then they got the questions that he asked at the beginning.

That one was real. Have you ever ridden a bike up a volcano? That really happened. they got the yeses and then they got the questions that he asked at the beginning. That one was real. Have you ever ridden a bike up a volcano? That really happened. It's true. You got tricked. It happened. You did it. This was about you. I like it when it's like, when you tell your parents something bad that happened to your child and they're like, that didn't happen. A group of writers wrote that one. Oh, that's right. I sent one to you.

That's so funny. It's so good. So I do know what it is, cause I sent one to you. Yeah. All right, we have to go. What a reveal. We gotta go, but we'll see you next week.

Yeah. Right here on 3M. We're not going anywhere. That's right. We're gonna break off a brand new hundo. We're not flipping the table over after 200 saying, that's it, we're done. No, we have a whole new episode next week. Yeah, we are going to flip over the table.

Right. OK, good. They won't say that. We break all of the equipment. Every single episode we do. That never happened. It happened off mic. All right. Bye. Hola, amigos. All right. Bye. Hola amigos, it's Jeff José Andrés. I am a cook and someone that passionately believes complex problems often have very simple solutions, like sitting down together and sharing our stories.

like sitting down together and sharing our stories. Now, guess what? I have a podcast, Longer Tables, where I do just that. Each episode features brilliant people like Stacey Abrams, Ron Howard, and Jane Goodall talking about food, life, and everything in between. Listen to Longer Tables, whatever you get podcast. Last Day from Lemonade Media explores the moments that change us. Those times where you look back and say, whoa, one day I was myself and the next I wasn't. I'm Stephanie Whittles-Wax, and I have seen time and time again how sharing these stories can change lives. So, do you have a moment in your life that changed you, fundamentally and forever? What happened? How did you move through it? And how did you eventually start again? If you'd like to share your story, go to bit.ly slash last day stories,

bit.ly slash last day stories. We can't wait to hear from you.