Threedom - Comedy Bang! Bang! Live In Montreal 2016

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

While Threedom is on hiatus, here is a treat to tide you over: From August 1, 2016 - Comedy Bang! Bang! is back in Montreal, Canada for the Just For Laughs Festival with special guests, Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins, Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm Stephanie Whittleswax, and I certainly have. My show last day started with a question I've been asking myself, ever since I lost my brother Harris to a heroin overdose. What could have saved him? After years of talking to experts, advocates, and people in recovery, I've written the answers into my new book, Last Day, How to Stop Losing Our Loved Ones to the Opioid Crisis. If you've ever been impacted by addiction or you want to better understand this crisis or you're just a human who cares about other humans, this book is for you.

Get your copy of Last Day at bit.ly slash last day book or wherever books or audiobooks are sold. Freedom! Freedom! Hey, everyone. Welcome to Freedom. I'm Scott Ackerman, and I am not. joined by Paul and Lauren because we are on hiatus until September. We're taking a vacation. That's when we will return with new episodes. But until then, we thought we would re-release

some of our favorite episodes from the 2016 Comedy Bang Bang Tour that we all did together. This was a tour, of course, where we all got to know each other very well. Paul and I knew each other pretty well, very well, actually. But Lauren was someone that we had done shows with, but didn't really know personally all that well, and we got to know each other very well over the course of this tour that took place over several months in several different countries. And you're going to hear an episode from it right now. If you don't know what Comedy Bang Bang is, it is a different podcast that I host. It's a fake talk show that I host as myself with comedians playing fake guests. So what are we hearing today? We're going to hear just for laughs, Montreal

2016. This was recorded on July 29, 2016. And who do we have on this? We have Lauren. She's playing Pamela from Big Bear. We have Paul F. Tompkins playing big chunky bubbles. He had just invented this character a few months ago, maybe not even a month earlier out there in Portland. Plus, as a special guest's duo, we have Nick Kroll and John Mullaney as Gil and George, the Oh, Hello, Toosome. And this is a very fun episode. I think it was a weird room, so it's recorded kind of weirdly. You'll hear the difference in the recording quality, if you've been listening every week. This also was a very strange room in the sense of, I don't think they hooked up monitors.

We could not hear each other. So I wonder if that comes into play. I remember it being once Gil and George started talking, I couldn't understand a word they said, but they were killing. So this is a very fun one, though. I think you're going to enjoy it. If you like this and you want to see Paul and I out on the Comedy Bang Bang 2026 tour, we're going to be out there in the southwest United States coming up in September.

you can get all the dates at CBBworld.com slash tour. And we're going to be back doing new episodes pretty soon in about in a few weeks, about a month or so of Threatom. So enjoy us then. But until then, enjoy this episode of Threatom, aka Comedy Bang Bang. Oh, thank you, Monterey, Baner. Oh, thank you, Montreal. Oh, no need to fade it out, but let's hear the last few seconds of that theme song, if we could. Oh, boy. Not worth it. Hey, Montreal. all. Welcome to the Grand Salon Ballroom, a venue that is truly grand. There's about 40 seats in

front of me and 900 on the sides, and four reserved right in the front for seemingly no one. I'm going to call it right now. Who has the shittiest seats? You guys in the back, there's two of you. come on up, take these. Over here? The two in the very back, or who in the very back has a shitty seat? Two of you come up, take these. Get up here. Hi, guys.

Nice to see you. Very orderly, I have to say. Hey, guys, how's it going? Thanks for coming. What are your names? Okay. Welcome. It's so great to be here. at Just for Laughs. By the way, that Just for Laughs theme song is truly chilling. If you're listening to this, you didn't get to hear it, but there's a cackle in the middle of it that I think is meant to imply that you're all going to have fun,

but it's like the laugh at the end of thriller. It's truly chilling. I expected Vincent Price to start talking the middle of it. Welcome to the Just for Labs. Um, good, lots of people sitting down. I like a nice, clear eyesight to the hotel when I perform. So thank you for keeping that open. Some nice, bright, natural light. Thank you. Whoever you are, do you work for the festival? Are you in charge of that door? Whatever the case, I appreciate you. Thank you very. much. It is so good to be back here at Montreal. I haven't done a lot of shows here, so thank you very much for everyone for coming out here. And I'm very excited to be back here with the festival. 34 years or something like that, two of which I've been invited to, so I

appreciate one 17th. Is that how you do that math? And we have a great group of people here. I think you're really going to enjoy. By the way, my name is Scott Ackerman. Oh, I forgot to do this. What? What am I doing? Times up, class. Please put down your pencils, take off your blindfolds, and remove the ball gags from your mouths. Surprise, I'm not really a yoga instructor. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Okay. Thanks to Captain Pukfish. Guys, let's shut down the internet. Captain Pukfish. Oh, God. I'm Scott Ackerman.

I think I mentioned that, and what you're going to see here today is an interview show and essentially a live-improvised podcast. I'm going to talk to some interesting guests, and we'll just hear a little bit about them, and then we'll send you on your merry ways. And I do hope your ways are merry.

I really do hope that for you. And is everyone ready to start this show? What do you say? nice bottles of water on these fancy crystal end tables. Oh, boy. All right, let's get to our first guest. This is interesting. I've only met him once before.

And how many of you were listening to the live comedy bang bang tour as we went along? Then maybe you've heard a little bit about his work. But for the rest of you, you'll be hearing all of this anew. but he is a children's entertainer. Please welcome Big Chunky Bubbles. Big Chunky Bubbles. Hello. Big Chunky Bubbles, so great to see you.

And what a warm welcome. Yeah, thanks, I get. Something going on with that chair? These stools are weird. It's almost like Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet. I don't know whether we are sitting on stools or whether we're levitating. I know I'm sitting on something. It feels like it's about to collapse.

Is it perhaps your anus? What kind of a start is that to an interview? Way to go, Charlie Rose. You're no Narduar. Local reference. You pick these things up in the biz, the entertainment business. You want to know about the entertainment business? I'm happy to tell you.

Sure. I mean, what can you tell me about... I'm implying you're not in it. That's the reason I ask that question. I understand now. I understand now. Being sarcastic. Oh, can people hear me better now?

Because I can hear myself better now. Big Chunky Bubbles. You're frowning a lot. It seems like your whole aesthetic is a frown. My whole aesthetic is a frown. What a terrible thing to say. Stop. You're literally upstate.

eating me. I'll go all the way back, brother. I don't care. I'll go right to the edge. Right to the white safety line. That's right. Let's go on, Bill. Let's go. Yeah, all right. Big Chunky Bubbles. Yeah. That's my name. My stage name. What is your, did we talk about your real name? Yeah. Your Christian name. Let's not drag religion into this. Are you not a religious person? Are you an atheist? No, I'm not an atheist. I'm agnostic, I guess. I don't know what's going to happen when we leave this world, but I bet it's not great. More of the same, probably.

That's what God will be like, surprise. It's no different up here, except everyone's wearing white or whatever. And white is not slimming, so... Why did you mention that? I'm just saying it's not. not a good color for certain of us. Uh-huh. You're saying certain colors aren't good.

I hope the internet doesn't get a hold of that. Okay. All right, big chunky bubbles. No, no, no, no, that's not. Scott Augerman says only white is good. I think I said the opposite. It's out there now. Oh, no.

Big Chunky bubbles, I... Yeah. Your name and your voice, sort of implies that you're a man who is more generously proportioned, but is that so? I'm just a regular guy. I'm called big chunky bubbles, because that's what I do. I'm a children's entertainer. I'm a bubble artist. I go to kids parties, and I make big chunky bubbles. Anybody can make regular bubbles out of soap, too. I make bubbles out of soups, stews, and chowders. They're big chunky bubbles.

Now, we talked about this a little bit before. You're making them out of hot soups. Piping hot soups. That's right. Is anyone else doing that? I don't think so. I'm a one of a kind. There may be a reason for that, mainly because...

Cowardous, artistic cowardice. That's a good reason. You're right that most artists are afraid to create big piping hot bubbles. Yeah. Cowards. and pop onto the audience scalding them all. Listen! They don't just pop out of the audience,

they pop onto me too. I was gonna say you have, you know, what looks to be third degree burns all over your body. I may have a system of burn scars all over my face. So... It's something I wouldn't normally talk about with a guest, because, you know... Wouldn't you?

I get the sense that's exactly what you would talk about. So you're saying if someone else had multiple burns cards on their faith, you wouldn't mention it if they had a different job. I mean, maybe if Freddie Kruger, who that ties so into his origin, I would maybe bring it up with him. Yeah, if you interviewed that fake person,

get real. You can't interview made-up people. It's impossible. This is real life. I'm sorry. Apology accepted for now. The only reason I bring it up, big chunky bubbles, is because your very job and your whole artistic thing

is the reason for these scars, and it seems to me... How do you know? True enough, true enough. Maybe I got scarred up when I was a little kid. And so doing these piping hot bubbles, then no harm, no foul? You greet the news of a childhood trauma. Tell me what happened then Is this true? Well, nothing. I didn't get scared up

When I was a kid? It's from the bubbles. Well, but you assumed and that made me mad. I don't know that I can win with you. You can't. I'm very upset. I'm sorry if I come across a little tetchy. It's okay. What are you upset about? I mean, is there... I got a bad review. You got a bad review?

Yeah. I'm up here because of the JFL Kids Festival. It's not affiliated with this festival. It's just a coincidence. Wait, is it held here in Montreal? Yeah, same time as JFL Festival. What does the JFL stand for? Just for Likes.

It's just stuff you like to do. And also liking it on like Twitter and Instagram as well? If you wish. So the Just for Likes kids. That's right. Why did they delineate between kids and if there is no adults? It's what kids like, so you know what it is. It's just for likes, parentheses, kids, close parentheses.

So it's not things that adults like. It's children's entertainment. This is all very simple. So you're saying that adults do not like your entertainment. It's not for them is what I'm saying. You're trying to get me to admit something terrible. No, no, no. It's like the new Ghostbusters.

It's not for adults. As opposed to the old Ghostbusters where people were in the audience wearing ascots and swirling brandy watching Dan Aykroy dream about getting a blowjob from a ghost. I was disappointed they didn't remake that scene.

I bet you were you, you creep. I bet that's all you were thinking about the whole time. Does Kristen Wigg just like spreading it and getting it from a ghost? It would be. the Melissa McCarthy character if you want to do a one-to-one.

That's true. You don't want to talk about Ghostbusters anymore? It's not exactly what I came here to talk about. You got a poor review. Yes. Just for laughs, kids. Likes. Likes, kids. It's easy to get confused.

It is easy to get confused, and I just proved it. Just for Likes, kids. It's a festival where a bunch of kids who have the same birthday they all get together have a big giant birthday party. Is it held 365 days a year?

No! So if your birthday is any month other than this, you're out of luck. Okay. So it's all month. Yeah. It's a month-long festival. Children's entertainment.

Who cares? Rush out to buy you a gift while I'm sitting here in the middle of an interview. Oh, I'm sorry, Big Chunky, bubbles. I'm sorry. You don't have to call me big chunky bubbles the whole time. You can call me by my regular name. What is that again?

Pediamine. Pidiamine. Yeah. I'll stick with big chunky bubbles probably. B.C.B, maybe? If you like. Okay. Bccb. Bcc Bc Bc Bc Bc Bc B. Oh, Bc Bc Bc B. You're saying

it like it's a fake word. Mm-hmm. Fun. For a real person. So it's a festival for children's birthday. Children's birthday parties. So all kinds of children's entertainers get together, including me. This year I got to do my first shot at the Just for Likes Kids Festival. What other performers were there? I mean, what company were you at?

Magicians, balloon guys, they're the worst. That's squeaking, who can stand it? they're twisting the balloons together? Why not why don't have a guy just write with a fresh sharpie? And draw the balloons, is what you're saying.

No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying the noise is annoying. Oh, I understand now. You thought I was suggesting it would be an easy shortcut for a guy to just draw balloon animals? I don't know.

You sure don't. So it's a group of esteemed entertainers and yourself. That's right. Hey, I caught that. And you, what time was your performance? Was it 12.30 in the afternoon? 11 a.m. 11 a.m.

Oh, I wish I got the Covenant 1230 spot. A guy can dream, I guess. By my internal clock. Oh, sure. You're a jet like really hitting you hard, huh? Oh, boy. Can you imagine being awake at 9.30? am, this guy.

So you performed at 11 a.m. and described your act. What did you do? Well, I tell you what. Let me read this review. Oh, okay. That's... Because it's described in there. I hate this guy. His name is... He's a children's theater critic. Very popular section of the newspaper. Anything you say is mean.

His name is Gila Sean. Guy LaShauntz. Guy LaShauntz. Did I stunter? Merely repeating it, so people can understand it a little better. Is this show for parrots? Some people know what I'm talking about.

Parents would like to listen to a show where things are repeated over and over again. You really covered the room in that. I did. It's what they're famous for. You're like a sprinkler of comedy all across. Oh, you're really on fire today. I need that sprinkler of comedy dousing everything

dampening it I'm tuning you out okay here's what this no talent hack wrote about my show on Thursday I had the great misfortune to attend one of the most horrifically

irresponsible attempts at children's entertainment I have ever seen in a long career of reviewing the arts. That's the beginning. Why did he bother going on writing the rest of the thing? Well, he has to let people know who you are. And boy does he in the next

paragraph. Big chunky bubbles, real name, Pedia Mean. Why does you have to do that? An American bubble artist, and please know I use the word artist, solely as an occupational descriptor and not as a term of respect. This guy. A shitty performance?

Hey! It's not for... They should get a kid to review the show. He spent a good five to seven minutes at the beginning of his performance, telling the... I put performance in quotes, how do you like that? Telling the children to be quiet and pay attention using broken French and German. Now look, I was trying to be respectful because I'm in a foreign country. And a big part of my show is getting the kids to shut up and settle down.

So I was saying things like Fermi the Bush, right? And then I was saying, Akhtung, Akhtung, because I don't know. It's European. Because I don't know. ... right here, man. When the children will not respond in a matter he deemed timely, Mr. Bubbles turned his back to his audience of six-year-old and pouted, now you get the Miles Davis treatment.

Now look. That's true, and I stand by it. It's a very effective tactic to get kids to pay attention. What is the Miles Davis treatment? I turn my back and I do my act, and the kids can't see it. He then presumably made some bubbles from a hot terrain of New England clam chowder. I say presumably as I only caught the merest glimpse of steaming bubbles rising just above Mr. Bubbles' head.

By the way, he keeps calling me Mr. Bubbles. He's going to get sued by the bubble. bubble bath maker. If it's still a thing. I don't know if Mr. Bubble is still a thing or not. I hope it is and I hope they sue the pants off Gila Shantz. Seems like they would sue you. Steaming bubbles rising, I don't call myself Mr. Bubbles.

I'm being jockey bubbles. Anyway, I only got the mirrors glintz of steaming bubbles rising just above Mr. Bubbles's head before they popped and sprayed him with a scalding causing him to swear in a fashion not unlike that of a cartoon dog. You know what drives me crazy? Guys who write things like not unlike. What are you talking? Just say it's like something.

Why don't I have to do all that reading work? It's like six extra letters. Yeah, you're on my side, man. But you were swearing like a cartoon dog? Look, it hurts to get sprayed with hot

Clam chowder. Do you also have bits of clam and, is it New England or is it? I believe it's New England clam chowder. Okay. Do you have bits of clam that fall on you when you perform? Maybe. I don't know. You don't spend the entire after show picking out chunks of food off of you? It's not like a landmine went off.

You just take a towel and wipe it off your face. What do you think I got clamshells sticking out of my cheekbone? I don't know. Maybe you don't know much about chowder is the problem. He goes on. The foul language served as the high point of Mr. Bubbles sent. Hearing the laughter of the children,

the gentleman turned around to face his audience grumbling, oh, look who's paying attention now. That's not what I said. What did you say? I said, oh, now you're paying attention. He then told the children they should feel very, very grateful to be seeing what was to come next, a special treat just for the children of Montreal,

even though they quote, don't deserve any special treats after their rude and immature attitudes, end quote. I did say that. At this point, Mr. Bubbles removed the cover from a saucepan, a great cloud of steam rising up from its contents, and momentarily blighting him. More cartoon cursing briefly ensued.

When he regained one of a game, pass for his composure, Mr. Bubbles announced he would now, for the first time, make bubbles from puteen gravy. When the children, rightfully, seemed underwhelmed, well, they should talk to this audience. Mr. Bubbles lectured them on the laborious process of extracting the cheese curds from the gravy to achieve the purest bubble, and how he wasn't even able to eat the French fries because of doctors' orders, so that's that food wasted. Why did you have to go into such detail? You could have just blown the bubbles.

It's called stage patter. You think David Copperfield's just like, oh, I made the set of you, Liberty disappear. Sorry, I didn't give you any warning. He has a whole thing about America and liberty and such. Stage patter is what pads the show to make it longer. I wish I had the time to properly educate you on the art of performing.

but I don't. I could use it. Wait, it makes the show, so you think like somebody in Las Vegas doing a Vegas act without the talking, they would just rush right through,

the act would be five minutes long? Yeah, it'd be like five minutes long. They do five tricks. No dancing. Do you do dancing when you're, like, are you up there dancing around with the... If the bubbles burst on my face, I move around quite a bit.

Mr. Bubbles then, to his credit, proceeded to create one impossible, perfectly perfect and somewhat chunky Poutine Bubble. It was very chunky. It glistened, large and opaque in the sunlight, streaming through the sitting room window, before bursting in Mr. Bubble's eyes, causing him to scream and kick over the large pot of gravy.

It rolled like an ocean of lava at the children who ran screaming from the oncoming tide of scalding meat leavings. Two children were burned badly enough on the sole of their feet that a trip to the hospital was considered but thankfully deemed unnecessary. I gathered up my things. Oh, he inserts himself in the narrative.

I gathered up my things and left, overhearing on my way out. The beginnings of what I have no doubt ended up being a protracted argument about payment. It wasn't that long. How long exactly did you argue with the end? It was two exchanges

and then eventually I realized. I wasn't going to get paid. It is, here, he winds it up. Way do you get a loan in this? It is this reviewer's opinion that Mr. Chunky Bubbles leave the entertainment industry and find some occupation

more suited to his talents and temperament such as murder victim. Well, that's a threat. He just threatened me. He said I should get a job as a murder victim. It's a kind of job you

You can only do one, so I hope you get paid well for it. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Yeah, well, that's a tough review. Yeah, have you ever gotten a bad review? No, I can't really think of a one. Well, what time does this show end? All right.

Well, big chunky bubbles, I feel bad for you. Not a little bit. I wish one of these times you would come and actually do the bubbles. Fine. Well, this isn't an audience of children. It would be weird. If I get an audience of children, do you promise that? Yeah, I do.

If you get an audience of kids and parents who will allow their kids to come to a recording of this particular program, they got to be six years old. And how many in the audience? No, it's got to be 500. 500. I've got to make my money. All right, I'll do that. That's a challenge.

I like a challenge. I actually do want to do this. Oh, right. physically perform the bubbles. Of course I will. I'll make big chunky bubbles. All right, big chucky bubbles, everyone. Can you stick around? I have literally nowhere else to go. You know, I think a lot of us have had that moment where we think, ah, I should make something. I should start something. I should actually do something. And then immediately our brains jump in with a million reasons why we can't, right? We convince ourselves we need to know everything before we begin.

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Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months, plan required $15 per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra, initial plan, only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy includes up to 20 gigabytes hotspot, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies. Seamintmobile.com. Very good. Well, let's get to our next guest. What do you say? All right. I'm not sure if you've met this person or not. I can't recall. Do you say this to a lot of people? Well, I've only met you once, and I've met this person a couple of times, and I can't remember if our paths have ever, ever, uh, intersected at all. Well, I'll know when you introduce the person. Okay. Deal. Is there some sort of

a system that I can get confirmation on? Will you give me a wink or a high sign or? You'll feel it in your heart, I guess. All right then. She is, I don't know a lot about her other than she is a caregiver or an educator of children. One or the other? Something like that. I can't recall her actual job. I do know where she's from. Mm-hmm. She is from California. Right. Please welcome Pamela from Big Bear. You want me to sit over here?

Where do you want me? Hey, me. Be clear. Damn. What up? Hi. Oh. You say what up?

Sure. Interesting. Oh, Montreal is nasty. Oh, it's nasty here. I'm not sure what you mean by it's nasty Last night this guy want to eat me out He put protein in my pussy One thing I should make clear about Pamela from Big Bear

You're just a free soul You just say whatever's on your mind I say what I won't yeah bitch yeah Does that make you mad? Doesn't make me mad Doesn't make you mad I keep having you on the show Doesn't make you jealous

I wish that I could be as free with my speech as you are. Everybody gets free speech in America. That's the damn truth. That's right. But I'm about to move my ass to Canada. You're about to move to Canada? I'm about to, depending on this election.

If Hillary get elected, I'm leaving that country. Fucking bitch. No damn woman going to tell me what to do. I want to give Trump the bump. You thrust your pelvis out when you said that. Yeah, I want to give him the bump. You want to put on a dildo and have sex with? No, I want him to put on a dildo.

Why would he put on a dildo? I want him to put a dildo on his back. And I'm going to ride him. He might be into that. He probably is that freak. I love him. He's so smart. I love everything he says.

Oh, yeah. When he says, oh, yeah? His famous cat frame. I love everything he says. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I see. Oh, yeah, I do.

Let everyone here who maybe has no awareness of you know exactly who you are. Are you an educator or a caregiver? I have a daycare out of my home. Daycare. I'll teach kids how to play. They're too little to learn stuff. I bet they don't appreciate you. Oh, really?

trying to get me started? I could talk about how much I hate kids all day long. I heard about your show. What'd you hear? It was a disaster. Well, why do you read Gila Shots? Don't trust him. Whatever.

How do you swing politically? You know, I take a look at all of the issues, and I make an informed choice based upon where the people lean politically, and then I tick it down at the old ballot box. Very vague. You like, who you vote for? Why do you want to know who I'm voting for? So I can get pissed.

Why do you not like Hillary? She's just, she's a woman? Because she's a woman, yeah. You're a woman. Oh, no, I don't want to run the country. Men are better than women, A. B, her husband got his dick suck, and she didn't do shit. We don't know. We don't know behind closed doors.

Oh, really? You think some shit went down behind the closed doors? You think she let them have it? You think she told him what's what? At least once. Oh, I see what you're saying. I bet they had a big fight. Oh. You sound excited. Well, I mean, that's what I would be very upset if my spouse cheated on me in front of the whole public. Are you married? Not anymore.

Have we talked about this? You used to be married? We have talked about this. My wife passed away in a terrible bubble accident. That's ringing a bell. What kind of bubbles was it? Very hot bubbles made from a... Campbell's chunky soup.

Oh, the cheap stuff. I was practicing. I got to keep my instrument in tune. If you were going to rob a bank, you wouldn't practice with, you know, $100 bills. You'd probably practice with stacks of newspaper. Hi. No, I'd practice with the money.

I want to get the weight right in my bag. Exactly. Newspaper weighs less than currency, I think. I don't know. I've never had occasion to weigh a newspaper. You sure know a lot about bank robbing techniques. Yeah. I bet you're a bad boy.

What's you done? What do you think? I'm a bad boy. I'm a normal person. First of all, you talk about how you want to get spanked all the time when you're bad. I don't talk about that. Who was it? Another Scott Ackerman?

What show are you listening to where I'm talking? I'm listening to CBB. Okay. Look, Pamela. Meta. Pamela, you're from Big Bear. Yeah, you bet. Where do you actually live on Big Bear?

I live on the Bear. Do you mean the Bear statue when you enter Big Bear? Yeah, I live on the Bear statue. statue. Why are you saying it sarcastically? You're the one who said it. I live on the bear statue. Yeah, I carved a hole in its butt and I made a bed inside. Yeah,

that's what I did. Are you being sarcastic or truthful? Yeah, I'm being sarcastic. Wait, now you're being sarcastic about being sarcastic. No, I'm being truthful. What is happening? Where do you think I live? When you text me and you come and knocking on my door?

Where were you knocking, bitch? I'm not knocking on her door. Well then who was it if not you? Who was it then? Because I didn't answer. I just thought, I bet that's Scott. Could be anyone.

It could be the guy reading the gas meter. Oh, I don't have that. You don't have gas in your house? Oh yeah, I do. I don't have a gas meter. It's a bear. I live inside a bear. So when you say you have gas.

I fart. What? You made me do that. I don't like to talk about dirt. stuff like farts. That's all you talk about. Huh? Do you have no awareness

of your personality? I'm a calm, collected lady. How did you get into educating children? I just can't... I snatched a few, kept them inside, and people started paying me. To return them? But I wouldn't.

And now I teach them how to play. It's getting shaky back there. Earthquake. So Pam, what are you doing in Montreal? Stop making fun of me. I'm trying to escape America's politics right now. I'm hiding out until it's all over.

What do you think is going to happen if Hillary wins the election? Oh, I think it's going to be bad. It's going to be real bad. They're going to round up all the men and force them into servitude. Ooh, I like that. Wait. That's a good idea. I didn't think of it like that. No, I thought, you know, I just think Trump's better.

a better candidate for a lot of obvious reasons. Is it the one week a month? She's not going to be a very good leader. She's going to get her period. She's probably done with that. Let's be real. But she's got to get hot and cold all the time. Not knowing what's what.

Going to make crazy snap decisions because of her menopause. It is interesting that we finally have a female candidate, but they had to make sure she was old enough to not get her periods. Isn't that interesting? They had to make sure. She wanted to run for years. and they said, no, no, no. Eight years ago, they were like...

Eight years ago, they were like, no, no, no, we still see your garbage full of tampon. We gotta wait. So you just have the poise pads from your leaky bladder. And then they said, get her up there. Let her speak. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But what else could happen?

You don't like liberal policies? No, I don't like liberal policies. What is it about it? Is it about the... Not enough God. Not enough God. I'm a religious woman. You are.

You don't seem to be from every single one of your sentences. Oh, really? Because I say suck my clit. I can't believe in God. I was wondering when we were going to get to Pamela's catchphrase. God gave me my clit. God gave it to me. He gave you your clit, but he didn't give people sucking.

What? I don't know. It's not an inalienable right, is what I'm saying, for people to suck your clit. I'm letting an alien suck my clit. Probably got some weird mouth. Have you ever been captured by aliens, in your opinion? Yeah. I ain't with that clause, yes.

In my opinion, I have been. What happened? Can you describe the experience? Well, yeah. First of all, I was brought to a white light. It was in my eyes. Well, first of all, I was driving. I was pulled over.

A white light was brought in my eyes. Wait, wait, wait, back up. You were pulled over? By whom? By the aliens. with their red and blue flashing sirens, UFO. Pull me over,

pulled me out of the car, told me I was on meth, strap me down with some metal bars around my wrist, put me in a cell, an alien cell. Sure. On the planet Mars.

Uh-huh. And then I... How did you get out? I begged and begged. Sucked a few dicks. What are dicks doing in this alien In prison.

Aliens have them. I can't explain it. Okay. They look just like human dicks. Do they? And they wear police uniforms. In order to acclimate yourself to the experience so you didn't, you know. You think, wait, what?

They put on human forms in order to not confuse you. It makes me comfortable, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it worked. Yeah. I'm very attracted to law enforcement. Yeah. I love a man in uniform.

You do. What type of uniform? Like, what's, you know, any stripes? I need stars and straps. I like a cop uniform. I like an army uniform. I like a priest uniform. How many priests have you had sex with?

Well, it's a secret. They don't want you to know. It's true. They're very secret about the sex they have. Have you been with one? Everyone experiments. Oh, chunky bubbles. Was it college and you were experimenting with priests?

Yeah, I was in seminary school. you wanted to be a priest? I didn't want to. It was the family business. All the guys in seminary school mess around. It's true. You got to see what it's all about. Yeah.

You find out pretty quick. Whether it's for you or not. If it's not for you, you leave the seminary. And if it's for you, you stay? Yeah, you stay. Yeah, yeah. I like that. All priests are gay.

I guess that's the logical conclusion of my story It's a chill statement So I mean Would you be able to leave the United States I mean so much of your identity is entrenched in Big Bear It's almost as if it's all I know about you I mean I would change my name if I moved here Pamela from Montreal

Pamela of Montreal Of Montreal sure Like the band music Do you? Yep I do Who are your favorite

Panda bear Grizzly bear Any of the bears Yeah all the bears How about tame Impala Oh yeah Animal bands in general Yeah

Is tame an animal? We'll just We could move on from that I just can't imagine it I mean you would have to learn half French That would be hard But I already got a little bit figured out What do you got?

Parley boo, suck of my collection. Always coming out with your cat's phrase to bring home the laughter. I appreciate that. You love catchphrases. Pamela from Big Bear. Thank you so much. Thank you. I feel like late summer is the perfect time to take a look at what's working in your closet.

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5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Wayfair, every style, every home. We do have two more guests coming to the stage right now. They're friends. I guess that's not the primary distinguishing characteristic of them,

but they are certainly friends. And they are bachelors of, of sorts. Please welcome George St. Geigland and Guilfizan. Hey. Hey. Great group. Hey.

Charlie. Pamela, big fan. Yeah, this is great. I mean, this is great. Yeah, this is a good group. Total power, total control. Yeah. Cool group.

Cool group. Fun. I mean, a lot of fun. And a lot of hurt feelings, but a lot of good times. Good times. A lot of hurtful things. Having a great time so far. Total power.

Total control. Did you say turtle power? Turtle power, yeah. No, because we live like ninja turtles, you know? We got these pizza boxes and it's a laugh a minute. And we're trying to build... No, but we're not kidding. In our apartment near the Murphy bed,

we're trying to build a half-pipe to do alleys. And there is a female journalist that we've kidnapped. Yeah. We do indeed live like red piles and we have a woman. And we take orders from a rat. Yeah. No, that part's true, though. The son of Sam's dog knew a rat, smart guy.

And we take orders from him. Can I help you with your... Nah, the listeners don't know what the Ward the Bottled microphone work is. Impeccable stagecraft. Wonderful. Welcome to the show, guys. Thanks, you know. Did we already mention you what a great group this is?

This is a solid group. This is such a great group. Honestly, usually your guys are losers and nobody's, but this is a real who's who. Yeah. I don't know whether you're talking about us on stage or them out there. I can't... Who? You?

No, I know. We're up here. Who else are you talking about? These people. Oh, yeah. No, they're talking about us. Be. Pamela.

Yeah. Yeah. Great. This is fun. JFL. Why do you keep sniffing? What? Oh, we did a bunch of cocaine big stage.

We did this real step-down cocaine that comes to. from... This real Montreal nightmare gave it to us. They bring it down, they tow it from Edmonton in the snow and then they step on it with gasoline so it's just real yellow kitchen the fucking brain coke.

This guy had a great flitbrim smith-mouth hat and it was cool. He had it to do all over his calf and he had a bad vibe so we bought a bunch of shitty coke from him.

man. How long have you been in town? I mean, you guys, obviously... Well, we're here. We're not just here for Gis Perrier, which, uh, the JFL, which is a wonderful, two weeks of French comedy and two weeks

of good comedy and... I don't know that I agree with that. We kid traditional French clowning because it's God awful and stupid. Yeah. No, no, no. No, it's great when there's just a perverted man. Oh.

But if he doesn't speak, adorable. I know. When a clown pretends to be bit in the butt and they grab their little tush, I mean, who doesn't just double over at that? But we're here for JISFest. We're here for JISFest.

You're performing then. In JISFest, yeah. Well, we're fans, but we also perform, we do archipelagist music. Yeah, we write lyrics to jazz hits. Oh, okay, I'd love to hear some of these. Well, you want to hear Birdland by Wander Report? Oh, yeah, Burdalen. If you want to join it, you welcome them?

Yeah, it doesn't. Step right up meet the New York Dada Dada Duda Dada Dada Yeah da da da Dada Dita Dada Step right up Meet the Mets Become friends with the Mets You can meet the New York

You can become friends with the Mets Maybe not the players But some people in the front door of this Wow. Yeah. I got him choked up, thinking about Chaco Pistorius. I'm a little choked up. Jocko is a dear friend of ours. Jocko was a good friend of ours.

Where did you meet him? We used to pick fights with bouncers too. Yeah. Of course, everyone here is familiar with late 70s and early 80s. Just fusion base player, Jaco Pistorius. We got a beat sheet backstage, and we knew the third. Third pit should be about Jacob Historious.

We know how to open and do things. What is a millennial podcast, Orideanskin, and know more about than 70s and 80s Giz fusion bases who died because he picked a fight with a bouncer?

With a bouncer in Florida. But we get choked up about famous people who died because we want to make it about us. A lot of people have died this year. A lot of people have died and we always Instagram and we go, knew their work. Look at me.

Look at this, because even though those people are dead as a doorknob, they would just love to know that you stole a Getty image and put it on Instagram. Think of me today because I liked this guy's work. Oh, God. For them to know that you tweeted while they're a dead body, what a joy it would bring them. Did you know any one like David Bowie?

I mean, he lived in New York. You guys are in New York? Oh, we knew Bowie. Oh, he valued his privacy, and we would blow it up whenever we could. We'd go, Bowie's house, that's where Bowie lives. And I'd throw little pebbles at night, like Romeo. And I'd go, Bowie, come here, kiss me, you little Bifree.

It was like Little Romeo, the music artist. Like Little Romeo. I go, come here. Master P's son. He's master P's son. Right, yes, of course. And that was, I think, because there's a story. We have no limits.

Yeah. Did he ever have occasion to come outside ever? Bowie? Bowie, of course. Ow! No. No, because I was out there making, I go, kiss me.

Kiss me. If you buy, kiss me. If you're by, kiss me. Yeah, if you're so famously by, why don't you come out and mooch me, prick? You know, that was real agro about it, you know? It's a little intent. Yeah, come here.

Fuck you, give me a kiss. Did you even want a kiss? No, I'm no queer. Come on. All right. Okay. Well, hey, even in juvie, I didn't turn sissy. I did. Why were you in juvie? Yeah, there was this fire, you know.

And I was there with the gas can, taking credit. Taking credit. Yeah, I go, yeah, I burned down to school. F you. Just to give yourself street credit? Yeah, and this was three years ago. This was three years ago. But they sentenced me to juvie because I went,

I don't know right from Rome. It was where it should pay. Yeah, I was wearing shit pants. I looked ridiculous. And you had shaved, probably, presumably that point. No, no, no, no, no. Really? No, I just, I did a flesh-colored makeup on my beard.

You put on makeup? This is an illness beard, because I had a heart attack. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, it was fun. It was great. I grabbed my arm at the restaurant and Gil knew what to do. Yeah. What did you do?

I got more bread. I love bread. I talk about it all the time on dates. On date. You want to know something about me? All right. Well, I love free bread. Who's dating here, huh?

Anyone dating out there? No, one guy clapped out. And then realized he would be called attention to. The guy with the Supreme hat in the front row, he clapped it up. He's clapped. He's got a backpack under his chair. He does. Where are you backpacking to later, sir?

We fuck it. The pool party, he says. Ah, right. All right. I bet that's not going to be too good to keep interacting with him. Yep, not returning to that well. But, you know, we're going down to Rio next week and we're nervous. We have Duconero for the Olympics?

Yeah, we're going down for the Olympics. Yeah, we're big chasers. Yeah, we're big chasers. We want to get Zika. We want to get that zika. You're bug chasers. We're big chases, yeah. Back in the bathhouses, we go, give me, give me, because we were little big chases.

Yeah, we're bug chasers. And so we want to go down there because I got this fitted hat, but it's too small for me. So I'm hoping to catch that Zika. I'm hoping to catch that Zika pin this head right up so that I can... So I can get into this Expos hat. I got this fitted child's expose hat. With the flat rim, you know? Sure, of course.

You keep the tag down. But it's too small right now, so I'm hoping I go down the Rio. Because right down, if you get that Zika, you get that little peanut head. And you can wear like any... Like, I'm a seven and three quarters. Are you? Fitted ball cap. Yeah.

Yeah, so I'm hoping to get down to a two. Get a little pinhead like these Brazilians. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we're going to go down, we're doing the opening ceremony, which will be us being released from kidnapping. We're hoping to get kidnapped by some of these favela monsters. How are you going to entice them into kidnapping you? Are you going to advertise? Give me a kiss.

Just give me kiss. I'm going to go down to Copacabana Beach, go, hey, you little dirt poor rats. I got cash on me. Kiss me. But honestly, what is kids? cuter than a nine-year-old with a machine gun. Yeah. That Olympics is going to be awesome.

Yeah. It's going to rule. Yeah. Dash will be there. Dash? Dash, that's what you got to call ISIL, baby. Oh, they hate it, man. I read an article that they hate being called dash.

They get so steamed. Yeah. It seems like we wouldn't want to provoke them by calling them. Nah, screw them, man. It's like you were always saying, Scott, I hate ISIS. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. No, no.

He's always calling him Dash. No, no. I have no opinion one way or the other. You have no opinion. You neutral. I'm neutral. Yeah, that's cool, man. They fucking hate it, dude.

If you call him Dash, for real, though. No, kidding. Aside, they freak out like Frank Costanza. You got to see these guys. They don't air those videos. Are you going to try to take in any of the events at the Olympics? Are you? We're going to go see the swimming.

Yeah. Swimming, really? You got that one dude, Michael Phelps. Is that, he swims? Fishman, yeah. Fish face, yeah. Yeah, we sold him some awful weed. Yeah.

We sold him some real crap stuff, some real brown stuff. He smoked it right up. He didn't give a hell. There's going to be a lot less bong videos with all this vaping now, don't you think? I think so, yeah. Vaping has really taken the place of bombs. And I feel like these bong videos, you know, for years, swimmers would get caught on a bong video.

or I guess maybe it happened once but either way it was the dinfall of many great swimmers but now they can vape quietly and blow it into their shirt that's what I do with my fart I fart and then I go you blow well first of all it's coming up the opposite

part of your body I'm not sure how you're able to blow it I fart out of my dick Pamela you're finally speaking Pamela's language that would probably feel good when you fucking Pamela you've got such a strong voice

Thank you I think that you guys would get along You guys are very similar Totally yeah Yeah Pamela if you ever want to leave Big Bay And you want to come living with stock Or something like that

It's a similar Come up to sorgodies You're offering me a place this day Yeah sure I mean we don't have a place But sure we're offering you a place this day Where do you guys actually live Where do you reside during the year

73rd. Yeah, 73rd in Columbus. Come on. We said different cross streets, but it's fine. You know, we each see the apartment in a different way. Y'all share a bed? Yeah, we share a Murphy bed. It's a Murphy Brown bed.

Nice. When you say Murphy Brown bed. Because this guy... Eldon's always painting it. We did that thing where we put tape in the middle of the airport. Oh, you did it. And one side is... That's my side.

Yeah. This was a fight-up. episode. Oh, yeah. Did you end up just both of you on one side and no one goes over to the other side? Yeah, eventually, yeah. Because the bedroom was on my side. Yeah, no, after I drew the line, I went, uh-oh, you know. The bedroom and the kitchen and the bathroom. Everything. And meanwhile, I'm backed in a corner with this goddamn possum. You were with a possum? Yeah, I was with a possum. I thought it was Timpetti, so I invited him over. And then he goes, wait, hey, by the way, I'm a possum. I go, oh, Jesus.

And a talking possum. No, it turned out to be Ringo Starr. Yeah. Thought it was Timpetti, claims he's a possum. Turns out, none other peace in love, Ringo Starr. Peace and love.

Peace and love. Peace and love. No more autographs, Ringo Starr. That's a shame he's not doing any more of those autographs, you know? It is a shame because we got so many glossies sent to him. Because we love the Beatles, man.

Yeah. The one interesting thing about us is we love the Beatles. Yeah. Just like everyone else in the world? Nah, it's an interesting, specific fact about us. It's different with us. Who's your favorite beetle?

I would imagine you both have... Charles Manson. Because he was, like, so committed to the music that he totally misinterpreted it. We were bros with the whole Manson family. Yeah, we were in that group because they had these sweet eights and nines. And these brunettes...

Ugh, there's nothing like a... There's nothing like a... broken nine. I mean a brunette eight with gorgeous legs who's been on acid for two years. Give me, give me. And just a crushed soul. You know what I love about Manson is he

carved a swastika in his forehead which is one of the worst shapes and yet his favorite band was the Beatles. That's a very mainstream choice for a guy who has his swastika in his forehead. Yeah, really. It's very anti-authority other than his music. You think you would like G. Allen or something of a punk rock.

The Dead Kennedys. Abby Road, baby. I love, here comes the sun. My favorite songs, here comes to sun. Where? Where? No, no, no, we're inside, sweet Pete. Oh, okay. Also, as Swazica, you've got to make six incisions.

By the way, if I did a Swarstica, I'd do it backwards, but he knew how to do it in a mirror. That's how you carve one in your foreheads, kids. You need a simple mirror. A little vanity mirror will do anything, but do it right. If you're going to draw that kind of line in the sand, do it right. What do you think about the guy who's just released from prison who, you know, Jody Foster's God? Hanky?

Yeah. Oh, dear friend. Good guy. Great guy. Good tips. We called him John Hickey because he was always sucking face at Make-Out Point, you know? This was before he went bananas. He went to Inspiration Point.

No, make-out Point. What's okay. Maybe we know it by different names. You don't know what Make-Out Point is, do you? This guy's a virgin. Yeah. Unlike us. Yeah, we do it all the time.

Yeah, we love to do it and we love to get it done. Yeah. When is the last time that you had sexual relations with? No, I had a Dukakis button on, so this would have been summer of 88. God knows I've been trying since, though. Yeah. You know what I do? What do you do?

I go to a department store. Don't start with that. I'm very sick. I go to a department store. And I go to the women's room and I slide around on the floor like a Roomba. I hope people will think I'm a Roomba. Yeah. Do you understand the image?

I hope they think I'm a Roomba. All right? Do you dress like a Roomba? No, I want to look nice. So you just act like a Roomba? Yeah, I go, I'm a Roomba. And I slide under the stall doors, and I look up and I go, take a chance. Take a chance on a nice guy.

Take a chance on a good guy. All these women, they say they want nice guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're confronted with something like this, and they pass. Yeah, you know, well, yeah, they pass because I'm a nice guy. That's why they want these Rick stars. You know, I'm just an average guy. Just like say anything, Jin Kusack.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I put a tiny wig on my hand. And? On your entire hand. Yeah, I put a tiny wig on my knuckles, and then I go to town. I go, oh, she was at 10.

But really, she was just a five. Well, she was in New York five. Yeah. A New York five, which in California... Is a seven, and in Montreal is in 11. Oh, sue me. That's my comeback. Has anyone ever sued you?

Yeah, I got sued for sexual harassment. Oh, really? Yeah, of students. It's actually not funny. I had a whole grades-for-sex thing, and it was a big investigation at the college where I worked. No, but it's pretty cool, because there ended up being a group formed.

Oh, yeah, and they still meet. It's apparently a whole support system. So they're still talking about you, which is like... Yeah, hey, we're talking about you. about it, you know? That's when people go, Bill Cosby's career's over, I go, hey, we're talking about him. On the front pages. You're picturing it. We're talking about it. Did you know Cosby personally at all? Oh, sure. We knew one of his eyeballs. The other one, we never got to meet because it was pointed in the other direction.

We knew the left, the left googly eye. The right one was snoozing. I think he gave it a little Benny drill. Yeah, we say he gave all those girls pills. What about that left eyeball? Yeah. That thing's a snoring. blind now. He can't see... Living in his own personal hell, according to a Facebook article that's following me. Everywhere I click, Bill Cosby is blind to living in his own personal hell. What kind of a quote? Who released that quote? He's got a bad team. Was that Camille? Like, who actually put that out there? I think he was that lawyer of his... He goes, hey, we need to change the tone of the

press. Let's say that he's blind living in his own personal health might distract him the allegations. This will get people on his side. Yeah, this will get people on his side. You know, my maiden name, because I took my wife's name. Oh, right, yeah. My maiden name is Gil Cosby. That's right. I forgot that about you.

But we still talk to Camille all the time. You do. Yeah, we call her every day. We go, good calls. Stick around. A lot of people seem like they don't want to laugh about comedic icon Bill Cosby. Well, it's a bummer, you know? Sure. Because we think of him as this hoagie guy, and now I wonder

if he even liked hoagies. I mean, honestly, did he like big things of orange soda and hoagies with salt on him? Or was that all a charade, a ruse? I think honestly, he was doing the hoagies, but it wasn't salt, it was quailutes that he was pouring on him. He put

him to sleep and then eat him up. More of these? You want more of this? And then there's the host CBS show. That's, I think, the saddest chapter of all of this. The second Cosby. The second weird Cosby. Yeah, Weird Cosby is what they should have called. Weird Cosby. It was called Les Good Cosby.

I heard a story about him on that show where there was a scene where he had to take money out of an ATM. Yes. And he pulled the producers aside and said, you can't just make up things that don't exist. He had never heard of an ATM. What do you mean? Well, you can't make up things. I think he had a good point because these guys were pretending

you could get cash out of a wall. You gotta go to a bank went online. You like to go to a bank and actually sit there in the line. You bring all the change. You give the bowl of change to the person

and then they give you crisp fives. Right? What are we talking about here? We're talking about a bank interaction, right? Sure. I'm trying to imagine your daily routine. I know you go to the... Sure.

We get up at 5 a.m. And we go to an early doctor's appointment. Nothing better than an early doctor's appointment. To feel your tush on that cold counter, 7 a.m. And then you get all your moles checked and they go, we have a couple student doctors shadowing. Can they look at you naked? And you go, fine.

And then these Indians come in and they stare at you. Because that's a good thing. They're becoming doctors. These fucking Indians come in this. You called them Indians. The way I did it with my eyes cast down. Dismissively. And a grimace on my face.

Yeah, okay, my tone could be read a certain way. But the thing is you gotta get out of the doctor by 745. Why is that? Because then you go, oh, I got my whole day ahead of me, and then you go to bed. Yeah. You sleep till about 5. 5 p.m.

5 p.m. Yeah, and then you get up and you do your exercises, and that's just can't land. You lift can lentils up and down. And then are you up for the rest of the night or? Oh yeah. Then you go, you deal with the Dominican kid. He gets you some cocaine. And then, you know, we, we binge watch.

Trotched. Binge watch. The new thing is binge watch. We binge watch. We binge watch. When you go on Netflix, you binge watch. You binge watch. Oh, binge watch.

Yeah. We did this with your show. Oh, you did. Oh, okay. Yeah, we've been watching you, man. We saw you. We binge an episode. an episode, we binge an episode,

then we wait a week, and then we binge watch another episode. No, that's not. Or we'll watch it, Stenfeld on TBS, and we'll binge Coke the whole time. Yeah. No, you're binging coke, you're not actually watching several in a row. It's binge watch. Okay, yeah. And that's fun.

Big Chunky Bubbles? Yeah, my thing about Bill Cosby is this. Oh, boy. Yeah. Returning to the well. I was hoping we talk about that funny rapist again. You know, we saw, yeah. We saw Bill Cosby here at this very festival.

They honored him like three years ago. Oh, yeah. And isn't that funny? They honored him like three years ago. I take pride that I saw Bill Cosby at this festival and fell asleep during the show. He really did in real life. I really did. No joke.

I fell asleep watching that old pompous man. You got to be careful falling asleep around his ass. He got you. He woke up with a Google in his face going. No, he put me down the old-fashioned way with his fucking comedy. Big Jackie Publish, we're such big fans. We love you, dude.

I love Big Chucky. You know my word? Yeah, we love it. Oh, my God. We've been to so many of the parties that you performed. You've been to children's parties? Why are you at children's parties?

We're friends with that clown whose dad was a molester, you know, that whole documentary. Catching up with the... Yeah, catching up with the Freedmen. Catching up with the Freedmen? That's the same. Catching up with the Freedmen? Just going by and checking in.

Yeah, on True TV. Catching up with the Freedmen. Yeah, and we tried to make a keeping up with the Freedman's thing. Have you seen checking in with the murderer on Netflix? Oh, yeah. We've been watched an episode of that. Yeah. Just one.

Then you were out. Yeah, we've been watched an episode. Yeah. Is he guilty or is he innocent? What do you think? I think that, you know, they just, I think, here's what I think. Please collect yourself. You know, no matter what, what a joy to sit on a perch and judge rural people.

What a joy to sit in Manhattan and go, look at their stupid voices. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And meaning you coke to the gills because you're binging. Sure. Have you ever been accused of anything like that? I mean, you know, one can just imagine if one was in that situation. Well, I have three missing wives But Gil alibized me for all of those dates

Which I could go through But we're not gonna November 81 I was with Gil You guys are blinking a lot Yeah Oh, thank you Thank you Gil's been wearing the same contacts for four years

Really? Why not change those? Oh, because it's I guess it's a science experiment it's like a petri dish and they're going to take them out at some point and be like, oh, we found this secret to Zika. I guess it's in my eye context. I'm hoping he grows truffles

and I'll shave him over sweet pasta, baby. $75, saved. Every time a pig is around, he just snorts right near my eyes. He wants to eat my trouble eyes. Yeah, every time a pig is around. Every time a pig's around. More often than not?

That bark man, you know, bark man? Bartman. Bartman or Bartman? The t-shirt? The t-shirt? The T-shirt? Yeah, you know that t-shirt? Oh, it's... Do you own any of those? Yeah. Why? We bought a lot of knockoff Bert Simpson T-shirts in 94. Yeah, as an investment?

Yeah, as an investment. Just weird knockoffs where he's wearing like a Knicks jersey. Sure. He's Jamaican. Yeah, it's Jamaican. It says Air Bart and... Wait, he's Jamaican and it says Air Bart? Yeah, because he's slam dunkin, baby. Didn't get a return? I'm trying to sell a garbage pail kid while I'm here. Oh, you are?

Does anyone want to buy a garbage pail kid? Do you mean one of the actual cards? Yeah, it's just one of the cards. It's not a stinky baby with flies around it, but it's a trading card. You're sure. You're sure that if someone agrees to this, you're not going to hand them a stinky baby. No, I'm sure, yeah. God, the lack of regard you have for me.

I just, I know some of the cons confidence games that you've been in. Oh, what, the baby thing? Yeah, the whole time. Where we try to sell people a Polaroid of a dirty baby with flies on it and say it's a garbage bill kid card? Yeah. All right.

Okay. I guess if you want to say it, this isn't legally binding. Guilty. Yeah. You put the gill in guilty. Oh, my God, thank you. Well, guys, we're just about at the end of the show. I feel terrible about this. We could sit

here talking to you all day, but unfortunately... Great group, by the way. Have you said that yet? What a great group. It's just vamping. Light applause. Who invented that phrase? Me vamping while you're trying to wrap up. Light applause. The lighter the better.

Wonderful. Just, I wish that applause could just float away on gossamer. Like a little rider symbol. Just, like a little rider symbol. Just, kick Korea, yeah. Jazz musician references. I know how to bring things home. We got three disfusion fans right over there, loving the Jocko jokes and the Chick-Garia jokes.

That's for you, baby. And none of the Canadian millennials. Anyone have anything that want to plug before we get off? Gill and George, do you have anything that... Oh, yeah. We forgot to mention. Yeah, we were going to constantly mention that we're going to Bridway.

That way. Yeah. The Great White Way. The Great Woodway. We'll be on the Great Woodway. All fall, September 23rd, into January at the Lyceum Theater. It's like, oh, hello, hello, breadway, de come. Oh, hello, bridway, de come.

For tickets. They're very reasonably priced. Yeah, sure. About a hundred bucks to see us in fucking folding chairs. Beep, fuck you. I've seen the show. It's actually very entertaining. Oh, well, that's actually very condescending.

I may have meant it that way. Yeah, it's good. Thank you. Thank you, Scott. Thank you, guys. How many shows a week are you doing? Are you doing 10? Eight shows a week for 16 weeks, and we're going to be off books sometime around December. Wow, that's like 128 shows somewhere on these?

Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. Are they all different, or are they exactly the same? No, they're the same. I mean, and then we'll have stuff each night. the night that changes based on how tired and sick we are. Yeah.

Based on how many secrets I binged backstage. If I get a good secret high, I'm gonna read. That's a show you gotta binge is sucrettes. Spray enough chloroceptic that I can't feel my throat and then I riff off the things in the news. There you go. So check

these guys out on Broadway if you can. And Pamela from Big Bear, what do you have to plug? My asshole. Okay. Should have expected that. Yep. By the way, Pam, I do have an aquafina bottle.

That'll fit just right. Is your anus? You ask him about his anus. You got a fetish. Hey, guys, about your anuses. Purple. Oh, mine? Mine looks like steep.

shemmy? Making a wince face. Big chunky bubbles. Oh, are you sure you don't want to talk more about anuses for a few more minutes? Is this non-anus-related? What you want to plug? If you can imagine it, yeah. I'm going to be

appearing in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, at a birthday party for some twins, five-year-olds. Get this, their names are Brianne of Tarth and Calisi. Oh my God. Is that double to work for you, by the way, when you have to do twins? They watch the show together.

You think I do it one at a time? I don't know. Do you know how human beings work at all? I think that less and less each day. The more people like you I talk to. So, and this is in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's a closed party. I don't know why I'm plugging it. It's a person's home. What address is it? Why would I... What's wrong with you? You ask the weirdest questions. You're very inconsiderate interview.

I don't know. I'm sorry. How old are they? Is that a better question? I already said they were five years old. I don't know. What else can one ask about a birthday party? Hey, big chunky.

I don't want to... Big chunky. We're going to be hanging out. At the A&W restaurant in the King of Prussia Mall, could we stop by? The one next to, the Friendlies? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Why are you guys hanging out there? At the A&W? Yeah. What do you mean? Loose onion rings, baby. You'd be a surprise. They got a real retard sweeping up, and so there's all these extra onion rings.

All right. Also, the bathroom mirrors carved up with all these fucked up gang signs. And that's a reason to go? Yeah, take yourself. Take a selfie with the gang sounds? Yeah, yes. Piss off the rival gangs, idiot. All right, guys.

Thank God we squeeze that in. That was a close one. All right, everyone, that's our show. Nick Crowe, John Mullaney, Lauren Lapkis, Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Scott Ackerman. Thank you. Have you ever watched someone you love struggle with something really hard and had no idea how to help them?

I'm Stephanie Whittleswax, and I certainly have. My show, Last Day, started with a question I've been asking myself, ever since I lost my brother Harris to a heroin overdose. What could I have done differently? That's what my new book is all about. It's called Last Day, How to Stop Losing Our Loved Ones to the Opioid Crisis. I'm going to read you a little preview. I hope you enjoy it. We hear about the opioid crisis so often that we've become desensitized to it.

It's a headline, a political pawn, a collection of tally marks that stand where our loved ones should be. Overdose deaths in the United States can be broken into three phases. Doctor prescribed Oxycontin, starting in the 1990s, heroin taking hold in 2010, and fentanyl, which surfaced in 2013 and spread like wildfire in 2040. The Sacklers, who owned the pharmaceutical company that developed, produced, and aggressively marketed Oxycontin may have lit the match, but our broken system allowed it to burn. Since 1999, this preventable tragedy has claimed more than 800,000 lives. My little brother was one of them. Thanks for listening. Get your copy of Last Day at bit.ly slash last day book.

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