Threedom - Comedy Bang! Bang! Live In New York City 2016, Part 2

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

As Them Threedom Boys take a short hiatus, they give you a treat to tide you over: Live Comedy Bang! Bang! performance from the Gramercy Theatre, New York City - featuring Scott Aukerman, Paul F.... Tompkins as Sugar Hill Gang founding member Cal Solomon, Lauren Lapkus as Harmony Moongloss, and Bobby Moynihan as the stabby orphan Fourvel.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:02:35 We don't always know how or where our food is grown. And if we throw food scraps in the garbage, we don't think about where it's going, or at least we try not to. One way that I get back a little of that connection is by using my Mill Food Recycler. Sure, Mill has totally changed my home life in a lot of practical ways. it works automatically. You can fill it for weeks. It never, ever smells. But this is also really important. When I use mill, I'm participating in a circular system. All the food I don't eat is helping to grow the food that I do. It makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger, and that feels really, really good. And it's all so ridiculously easy. I just drop my scraps in my mill,
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Starting point is 00:04:04 Freedom! Freedom! Hey, everyone, Scott Ackerman here of Freedom fame, and you thought you were listening to an episode of Freedom, but because we are on hiatus over the past few weeks, we have been re-releasing tour episodes of Comedy Bang Bang featuring the three of us, Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkis, myself. This 2016 tour was famously the tour where we did every episode together. We did all the tour dates together and we became fast friends. And that's what led to freedom starting was our relationship that was forged on all of these episodes. So over the past few weeks and over the next few weeks more, we're re-releasing some of these episodes.
Starting point is 00:04:57 So which one are we going to hear today? We're going to hear 2016 tour New York Part 5. Now, this was the fifth show in our sixth show residency in New York back in 2016. And the participants involved are myself, of course. If you've never heard Comedy Bang Bang, it's a talk show format where I'm the host as myself. And then I have comedians on playing characters. Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren both play characters in this one. Paul is playing Cal Solomon, who is, as you'll hear, one of the people who believes he is a rap pioneer.
Starting point is 00:05:37 And Lauren Lapkis is playing Harmony Moonglass, a very eccentric character. We also have a special guest on this show that you'll hear at the end. Bobby Moynihan of S&L fame comes on, and he plays his beloved character, Forville, a little tiny orphan boy. and he's been on comedy bang bang several times And in fact, if you like Forreville, there is an action figure of him that just came out this past week. And so this is what you're going to hear today. A great episode, a lot of fun to be had.
Starting point is 00:06:11 And you're going to hear it. And we'll be on hiatus for a few more weeks, but we'll still be releasing these episodes on Thursdays for a few weeks more. Enjoy this. Enjoy this episode of Freedom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the place that you are. Let me be playing, let's keep clapping.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Thank you for having us. Such a pleasure to be here back at the Grammarcy show. God, what is this? You should really prepare these types of things. Five. Show five of six. How many have been to all five? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Oh, God. Why did I say that? Oh, embarrassing. Oh, that's a kind of crippling blow you don't come back from. I don't even want to show my face anymore. Ooh. Hi. Oh, well, that's okay.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Is it everyone's first time here? How are you supposed to answer that? That's by clapping? I don't even know. Forget it. Who cares? I don't care. How many times you've been here?
Starting point is 00:07:56 How many times you're going to be here? I'm just glad all of us are here in the same room. Am I right, New York City? A little late. A little late, got to say. Not a good look. Where you been? It was your fault?
Starting point is 00:08:22 Really? You got lost. What about him? He was going the right way? Why didn't you just follow him? It doesn't make any sense. Well, welcome. Welcome to the show. I forgot to do the catchphrase. Hold on. Here we go. New York, New York. The city's so nice. They named it twice. Really? The same name twice. Sounds a little lazy to me. Welcome to Comedy Bang, Bang. Thank you to Goots for that one. Goots. I don't believe we've ever done a catchphrase. We've goots before. We've been traveling around the country with such a wonderful group of people, and tonight is no exception.
Starting point is 00:09:09 What am I trying to say? That I've been traveling around the country tonight? No. But we do have a great collection of people here on the show for you tonight, and we're going to have a lot of fun. So let us waste not a moment longer. Are you guys ready to start the show? Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:09:31 Let me introduce my first guest, and this is someone I've never met before, so it's always a pleasure to meet new people. So that's why I'm looking up his information here. He is a musician. He is a, this is interesting, a founding member of the Sugar Hill Gang. Seminole hip-hop group, the Sugar Hill Gang. This is exciting. A music legend, it is safe to say.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Please welcome Cal Solomon. Hi, everyone. Hi. Hi there. Scott, thanks for having me on your program. What a pleasure to be here in New York City. Hi, Mr. Solomon. I have to confess, I'm a little flabbergasted here.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Oh, because I'm a founding member of the Sugar Hill Gang, the seminal hip-hop group from the late 70s, early 80s. No, I guess you're just not what I... expected when I got your information. We did not meet backstage. No, it's always hard to meet legends, I'm sure. I guess it's not necessarily how difficult it is or the degree of difficulty in meeting you. It's just... Well, what could it be? Well, you have certain physical attributes that I do not normally associate with the Sugar Hill gang. Uh-huh. Such as, I don't know why you're going to make me say it.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Well, I can't imagine what you mean, so maybe it's best if you say. Well, first of all, your voice... Right. It's not what one would assume a member of the Sugar Hill gang would sound like. Oh, well, you're probably not initiated into the world a rap. Rapping may seem like talking because it's not singing, but it's more melodic than you think. so when I'm talking, you might think, how come this guy doesn't sound like a rapper like I've heard?
Starting point is 00:11:59 It's because I'm just talking. I'm not rapping. Okay. So that's that cleared up. All right, well, say I buy that. I'll say you do. I guess the biggest difference to me is I always associated hip hop
Starting point is 00:12:19 and especially the early years of hip hop as being an art form primarily introduced by people of color. Right. Well, about that. Full disclosure, I was a founding member. I'm sorry, I get emotional when I think about the old days. A single tear just rolled down your cheek. Big fatty.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Is that what you call your tears, big fatties? Big fatties. Honey, that movie made me so sad. I got a big fatty. Oh, my God. Don't put on steel magnolias or the big fatties are going to take over the room. Here's the thing, if I may be candid, with all candor.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Please, be completely honest. I would appreciate it. I was indeed a founding member of Seminole hip-hop group. They were all Seminoles from the Boy Scouts. They did very well, all those guys. I was a founding member of Seminole hip-hip group, the Sugar Hill gang. but I was fired before the first public performance and first recording.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Oh. Thank you for your sympathy. Or empathy, if you've been fired from a seminal hip-hop group. Anyone been fired from a seminal hip-hop group out there? I don't see those hands. I don't believe any of them. Well, that's too bad. I'm so sorry you were fired.
Starting point is 00:13:52 That's a terrible situation. Thank you. It's nice for someone to say that they're sorry about it after all. all these years. I'm the first one. Yeah. And I mean, look, it's a troubled history. The guys fired me for good reason. I wasn't very good at rapping. Tell me how you guys all met. I mean, you all started and you knew you wanted to be... Let me paint the picture for you. Oh, okay. We met at a backyard barbecue.
Starting point is 00:14:24 This is in New York City? Sure. The home of Sugar Hill itself. I was a neighbor who lived three houses away from one of the members of the Sugar Hill gang. I heard the music playing and I said, what's going on? Sounds like a fun time. I wanted over there. Hit it off with the guys after a few beers. They said, why don't you be in a rap group? A new thing we're about to start.
Starting point is 00:14:51 So it was not an existing group at this point. It was not. They all knew each other, but I was the newest member. So they all knew they wanted to start a group, but they absolutely did. But they were looking for that final ingredient. I think they were drunk and I was too. Did you show them any sort of skills at rapping? I sure didn't.
Starting point is 00:15:20 You say you're bad at it. I'm terrible at it, but I feel like maybe I've gotten better in the interim. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know. Do you want to test out some of your... Do you want me to spit some rhymes? Yeah, I mean, Engineer Ryan, maybe you could cue up the freestyle right here we go. Oh, sure.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Someone give me a topic and I'll rap about it. Let's see how I do. You, sir, get my topic. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Have you ever gone over to a friend's house to watch some Game of Thrones? And the Game of Thrones just ain't no good. And you, hold on a second.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Hold on a second. Okay, let's cut it. Cut it right here. I think that backing track is messing me up. Oh, really? Too fast, too slow? I'm used to very simplified backing tracks. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:06 And so maybe it's just better if I freestyle. Okay. Do you need anything? from us or just right off the dome, as they say? This is not from the tank, it's off the dome. All right. So Game of Thrones. Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Have you ever gone over a friend's house to watch premium cable TV, but the shows just ain't no good? I mean, you can't follow the characters, and there's too many people, and the previously on doesn't help. And everyone says the map, watch the map, because the map will give you clues. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Here's the, no, please, I beg of you, don't applaud for that.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Here's the thing. I keep thinking in the interim, in the intervening years, that I will have gotten better at rap songs, but then I try it, and I don't know. It's harder than I think it is every single time. Yeah, you think via osmosis or something, you know, or just even... What's that word? Have you ever seen the movie,
Starting point is 00:17:14 Of course I have. You never thought to ask it while buying a ticket. Well, your name is Scott Ackerman, I don't think. What does Scott mean? It's a name. I thought it would be rude to question someone's first name. It kind of is, you're right. That's the household I was brought up in.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Describe your household that's so interesting. Oh, okay. I'm an only child, and my existence was very lonely. I sat in the living room playing with Legos, but they were off-brand. They were called Legos with two E's. And none of them fit together. Although they all looked like they would,
Starting point is 00:17:52 it was very frustrating. But they'd be like one circle off. You get what you pay for. That's what my mother told my father. About the Legos. I feel like people are reading into that and making it a squalid thing. I have to say,
Starting point is 00:18:15 you barely wrapped it all. and yet you are... Let me try again. Okay. Give me one more topic, and this time I bet I'll do a great rap that everyone will enjoy. And this time, maybe we could get a topic that isn't the thing that the person is thinking that they're missing while they're here. Yeah. How about that?
Starting point is 00:18:36 How about don't be so in the moment? You, ma'am, you ma'am right here. Lunchboxes. Oh, that's a good one. This is a great one. That's a good one. Okay. A lot of raw material here.
Starting point is 00:18:49 All right, here we go. Ha ha ha haem. Lunchbox rap by Cal Solomon. Is that part of the song? No, that's it. That's an introduction just for us. Oh, okay, very good. Have you ever gone over a friend's house to eat,
Starting point is 00:19:08 and you're bringing your lunch in a box? I mean, it's got four corners. You open it up, and you see that someone's packed you a lock sandwich, and then you tear it apart because you like the locks, but you don't like the bread upon which it's put. Then also the jukebox exploded. Juicebox, I meant. I shouldn't have said jukebox.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You're very generous. I thought in the few minutes that passed between the first rap and the second rap,
Starting point is 00:19:42 I would have gotten better at rap songs. But I didn't get better at it. Let me just say you had your first rhyme. Oh, hey, that's something, right? Box and locks. Sure. You did it. Thanks. You're very supportive.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Well, thank you very much. And you also had such proper grammar. hammer upon which, exactly how did you phrase it? The bread upon which... Upon which the locks has been placed, yes. That's proper etiquette with a sandwich. Yeah. But I feel bad, you know, when I think about those days
Starting point is 00:20:10 and those guys were right to kick me out. Let me tell you something, Scott. Sure. It's a bit of a sticky wicket, you know, because sometimes I feel like, oh, those guys should have given me a chance. I could have got better at rap music. But then other times I think,
Starting point is 00:20:25 I was pretty bad at it and they were all, they had momentum going, you know, they had a bunch, made a bunch of great raps and they were doing a good job. And then I was kind of slowing things down, coming up the works as it were. And so I go back and forth on it. I think, oh, that glory
Starting point is 00:20:41 could have been mine. Now everyone, all anyone talks about these days is the Sugar Hill gang. And if, and that could be me, you know. But then I think no, they were right to do it. Also, I brought some other problems to the table. I don't blame them for kicking me out. Yeah, I mean, you know, I didn't want to bring this up, but, you know, you've wrapped a couple of times and you are just drenched in sweat.
Starting point is 00:21:02 That's an issue for me. I have very active sweat glands. And you can barely speak a lot of times. I seem to have problems. Which is bad for a rapper. Yeah, that's not good if you're spoonerizing a bunch of words. People are like, I don't know what this song is about. Unless it were called spoonerisms.
Starting point is 00:21:21 That would be a fun rap. Should I try one? Sure. Let's go. All right. Have you ever gone over a hen's frouse to eat? And the goo just ain't no food? I mean, the saccharoni's maggie, the meza push.
Starting point is 00:21:49 And the wicken chase like chud. That's very impressive, actually. Hold on a second. Hold your applause. Hold your applause. Because what I was doing was almost a word-for-word parody of. rap as delight by the Sugar Hill Gang. I just spoonerized the words.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Oh, okay. But still, the mere fact that you can do that was impressive, I thought. Yeah, but I didn't write original rhymes. That's true. Did you try to write original rhymes with the Sugar Hill Gang? Yeah, I did. And it didn't go so good. First of all, people would say,
Starting point is 00:22:24 the guys in the Sugar Hill Gang would say, hey, stop introducing every song by saying, have you ever gone over a friend's house? We did that in one song, and it's kind of covered. You thought that that was their formula. I thought, like, we were a group that talked about going over a friend's house, and that was a genre of rap, a very new art form.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Sure, you guys were creating it as it happened. Who knows what rap could have been about? Maybe these days every song could be about going over to a friend's house. We don't know. What a wonderful world that would be if we lived in that. But a big part of it was the sweating. People were disgusted by my sweating. Sometimes when I would just, like, talk to the guys,
Starting point is 00:23:02 like saying things like, please, please, please don't kick me out of the group. Like I would sweat so much that I would like blink and then like between, like just the effort of putting my eyelids down, they'd be just a slick sheen of sweat on them before I put them back up. And then the sweat was squared out when I raised my eyelids again to look at things properly.
Starting point is 00:23:26 So just a bunch of big fatties coming out of your eyes. Well, that's reserved for tears, Scott. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Little fatties. Little fatties. I thought there were big fatties. Big fatties are tears. Big fatties.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Oh, so these are little fatties. Little fatties are the squint from my fatt. The squint. I call it squirt because it's sweat that squirts out. So were they disgusted by this? I mean, they must have been... They sure were. And they weren't shy about it either.
Starting point is 00:24:02 They would say, cow, that's disgusting, man. Get out of our sight. You're disgusting to us. And then everyone would nod. To make sure that you saw that they agreed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember they would say, look around, and I would look around
Starting point is 00:24:18 to make sure everyone was nodding. And they were. They were disgusted by my sweat. My squets, I called them. Wow, so that was problem number one. And then, you know, can you remember any of the rhymes that you pitched to them? Oh, sure, I can.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Okay. Yeah. Let's see. I remember there was one. about Watergate. Watergate, which was kind of in the rear view by several years at this point. It was,
Starting point is 00:24:44 but people were still thinking about it. The repercussions were felt for many years after. And I would say like, hey guys, I got a new rap, ready for it? And everyone would, when they were finished rolling their eyes, they would sit there patiently and listen to me, and I would say, here
Starting point is 00:25:00 we go, here we go. Have you ever checked into the Watergate Hotel? And you've find that your room has been bugged by the Democratic Party? Not the Democratic Party. You're the Democratic. You're a Democrat, and then the Republicans... Then I would start sweating.
Starting point is 00:25:20 And then you would start squetting. Yeah. Because I would be blinking furiously, because I was so nervous. Yeah. Why didn't... Why not just erase that part of the tape and then start anew? What do you mean? You're talking about Watergate?
Starting point is 00:25:36 Because that's been litigated. I don't think we need to relitigate the Watergate case here on this show. I guess not. So what are you doing now? I mean, what are you up to now? It's been quite a few years ever since that you're nodding vigorously. I'm nodding emphatically at you. Almost to try to get me to stop talking because you know what you're going to say.
Starting point is 00:26:01 No, I don't know what I'm going to say because I don't know what you're going to say. Okay, well, I mean, I pretty much said it all in the first few words of what do you do. Now. You didn't feel? Oh, okay. What am I doing now? Okay, that's a good question. What I'm doing now is I'm trying to mount my rap comeback.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Rap comeback. That's right. Well, the game has changed in, you know, all these years. So it's a different landscape out there. Is it? I hadn't noticed. What's different about rap now? Is it still raps about food?
Starting point is 00:26:34 Not so much. You know, the rhymes are a little more complex. and the subject matter at times can be more weighty, certainly if one is listening to a Kendrick Lamar of some sorts. Oh, he sounds interesting. You really should listen to at least one rap song. I have. It's called Rap is Delight. It wrote the book on Rap as far as I'm concerned.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Do you like that song because of how delightful it is? It just sounds... Well, I mean, that's not a part of why I like it so much. It's got delight right in the title. It doesn't like to feel delight. It also kind of reminds you of the dessert Turkish delight in a way. Oh, from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. One of your favorite books?
Starting point is 00:27:17 I do love just that book in the Narnia Chronicles. The rest of them I don't care for. It gets very churchy. It's a bit churchy, isn't it? And I don't care for that. I just want to read a straight-up story about little children going to an alien world, being tempted by candy,
Starting point is 00:27:33 and then there's a lion that dies and comes back to life. That's all I ask out of any book. and I'm frequently disappointed. 99.9% of the time, I would think. Have you ever read The Pelican Brief? Boy, oh boy, many key elements missing as far as I'm concerned. So you're getting a new group together. That's fantastic.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Did I say that or did you just say it? I don't know. I guess I maybe assumed that you couldn't do it alone. I feel like we have a real connection on this stage where we're reading each other's minds. I am getting a new group together. It's called the Sugar Mountain Ensemble. The Sugar Mountain Ensemble.
Starting point is 00:28:20 That's right. It's going to be bigger and better than the Sugar Hill gang ever was. No offense to those guys. Who are lovely guys, who are right to kick me out of the group. Do you still keep in touch with them? Yeah, I do, I do. And they're very patient fellas. You know, they're very patient fellas. They're like, hey, Cal, this isn't a great time. But thanks for calling. It's nice to hear from you. But, you know, I got stuff to do. Or, you know, some of you. Sometimes the response will be like, oh, didn't she hear? He died. You know, there's a lot of different, a lot of different very nice things that they say on the phone.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. So the sugar. So I bear no ill will against them. Oh, yeah. But I would like to create a rap group that eclipses them in every way. But they were right to kick me out. I'm not good at rap.
Starting point is 00:29:03 But I am starting a new rap group. Okay. And what do you, how do you envision this group? What do you see when you see this group? I'm glad you asked me that because I'm going to tell you. I'm recruiting members right now for the Sugar Mountain Ensemble, and what I want this to be is a supergroup of rap. Not the supergroup in the way of like get a bunch of famous people together
Starting point is 00:29:28 and call it a supergroup. I'm talking about get as many people as you possibly can and make that a supergroup so that it's undeniable when you see them on stage. Like, look at how many people. That's a super group of people. So you want to make up for it in numbers, what you lack in star power. That's right.
Starting point is 00:29:46 That's right. And also rapability. I'm hoping, here's what I'm gambling on. And I'm not a gambling man by nature. But sometimes I call myself a gambling man when I'm talking about taking a gamble on the future in the way that I am in the thing that I'm about to tell you. I'm recruiting members.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Oh, no. Big Fatty just started rolling down your cheek again. That was a little bit of squet. Oh, okay. I'm looking to get at least 40 members. 40 members, all rappers, all rapping at the same time. In unison. In unison.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Now, this is going to be tricky, because I think as you've, as you've, have the others you've seen. I have trouble talking. Mm-hmm. I have even more trouble finishing a rap. Yeah. I mean, you have trouble starting them. Yeah. As well.
Starting point is 00:30:36 True. That's fair. The middle also is not so good to you. You know what? You're judicious enough to be a member of the original Sugar Hill gang. Here's the thing, though, once I get my wraps down, all 40 members will be 41, including me. Oh, okay. I thought it would be 39 plus you, but it's actually 40 plus you.
Starting point is 00:30:57 It'll be 41. Okay. The sum of 41. Is that in order to keep a, you know, to keep voting rights, you know, like, so there's not a split down the middle? I will be the guy who decides if it's like a 2020 tie. Like, I say we should kick Cal out of his own group. and then 20 other people are like, no, we shouldn't, we should keep him in
Starting point is 00:31:17 because he gave us a job and won't a nice guy. Then I think I would be the tiebreaker and I think I know I'm going to vote in that situation. Sure. But the idea is there would just be the sheer power of reps. Now, can I get it together to be a good rapper by the time this group is ready to perform and record for the first time?
Starting point is 00:31:38 Remains to be seen. Sure. Will I insist upon being the soul, writer for the group? Yes, I will absolutely. But if these guys are all great rappers, you want to recruit, you know, really good rappers, don't you? Only the best rappers. We only want to recruit the best unknown rappers in the country. Don't you want them, you know, to share their writing prowess with you? I mean, that would be nice, but I'm not counting on it. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Here's what I want to do is I want to share my unabashed enthusiasm for.
Starting point is 00:32:14 for rap and all its expressions with them so that they will embrace my style of rap, which has yet to be determined. But you're hoping for volume. You're hoping to be the loudest group. Here's the two things I'm hoping for. We're going to be the loudest group, but she have volumes, she has numbers. We're going to be the loudest rap group ever assembled. Number two, I hope that I will get better at rap by the time we perform at Carnegie Hall on June 12th. Whoa, you've already booked the date. Yeah, I've sunk all my money into it. Oh, no. Took out a lot of loans.
Starting point is 00:32:49 And we're going to be debuting our... It's going to be our first performance and first album recording. We're going to do a live album recording. Like the Blues Brothers. Who? Wow, this is not... Exciting? No?
Starting point is 00:33:07 Yes, it is. I can't wait to get out there. Practice, practice, practice, which I'm furiously doing. It's not helping yet, but I think that... It's the 10,000 hours, and I feel like I'm up to 100 hours. I don't think there are 9,000, you know, 900 hours left until June 16th. That can't be so, because it's so many days away. It's not even a month away.
Starting point is 00:33:33 No, it's one month and one day away. Well, there you go. An extra day? I'll take it. Thank you very much. How many hours are there in a day? 24. What since when?
Starting point is 00:33:43 Only 24. Are you kidding me? I'm not. That's not enough. You're going to be... What about daylight savings time? No, that doesn't help. What?
Starting point is 00:33:55 No, you're going to be... Leap year. Leap year. You're going to be at like 750 more hours, plus your 100, you're at like 850 hours. You're nowhere near. And you have to sleep. You took 50 hours? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:34:07 What did I? How many hours did I say? You said 100. You had about 100 at this point. I thought I said more than that. No, I think that's all you got. Oh, this is distressing to hear. Yeah, you're...
Starting point is 00:34:15 Yeah. Well... Do you think that you could contact the venue, Carnegie Hall? Yeah. And say, I picked the wrong year. Let's do this three years from now. So, like, shoot him a DM on Twitter and say, hey. I may have miscalculated, A, my ability to rap.
Starting point is 00:34:34 B, my persuasiveness in getting 40 talented rappers to join me. Learn my raps, which have yet to be written or perfected, and commit to this June 12th day at Carnegie Hall. Yeah, I mean, they're usually very lenient about this kind of thing. Carnegie Hall is? Have you had many dealings with them? No, we're here at the Grammarcy. You just did practice, practice.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Yeah, I needed one more practice. That's right. Well, Cal, I wish you luck. I don't think you're... Thank you. I'm going to need it a lot of it. You're going to need a lot of it, and I don't believe you're going to find any of it. Now, hold on a second. Hold on a second. this guy's tough but fair.
Starting point is 00:35:16 And what he's saying makes a lot of sense. I've demonstrated zero rapability. I think I might be delusional in terms of getting that Conno Yehawk concert ready in time. And the first one again. Okay, well, at least you see it. I do. I'm bad at rapping, but I think I could get good at it real soon.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Yeah, I doubt it. Let me try one more time. All right, one more time. Okay. Do you need a subject matter for this one? I do need a subject matter. Okay. ma'am here in the front
Starting point is 00:35:46 subject matter don't look to him he's not going to help you he's not going to help make it real rapable yeah what's important to you what is your favorite hobby ma'am going to the gym oh what a fun hobby
Starting point is 00:36:01 yeah not really a hobby in my opinion but you've seen those bumpus tickets I'd rather be going to the gym all right going to the gym here we go Okay. Going to the gym, rap by Cal Solomon.
Starting point is 00:36:23 Lead rapper and proprietor of Sugar Mountain Ensemble. Catch us June 12th, Connie Hall. But now, this is not part of the song you were saying. It's not part of the song. You're just pumping yourself up. That's right. Okay. I'm my own hype man.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Hashtag, great raps. Have you ever gone over your friend Jim's house to exercise? And he doesn't have all the freeway? you require? I mean, he's got an elliptical machine, but it's covered with clothes. And then the TV above it is just a regular TV. You can't program your things in, you won't recognize your Bluetooth headphones. Oh my God, you started crying at the end of that. It's a mixture of crying and sweating. And some squet, I think. Cry, sweat, sweat. In that order. Yeah, some big fatties, some little fatties, and then just a regular old sweat.
Starting point is 00:37:27 Well, all right, Cal, thank you so much. Can you stick around here? I have literally nowhere else to go. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. I love the idea of a cocktail at the end of the day. But honestly, drinking during the week just isn't worth the next day fog or ruined sleep. That's why Little Saints has been a game changer. Their non-alcoholic cocktails give all the flavor texture and ritual of a real cocktail.
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Starting point is 00:39:25 I don't expect it to happen, and then when I get there, you know, I get arrested. Filming schedule? Oh, the filming. We have to get up early to put on all that prosthetic makeup. That works. It was super overwhelming. And every day seemed to introduce a new decision that needed an answer. Mostly every decision was, should we keep doing this?
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Starting point is 00:43:37 Availability, speed, and coverage varies. Additional items apply. See mintmobile.com. All right, very good. Thank you, Cal. Thank you for giving me this forum. Time to get to our next guest. Should I move over there for the next guest?
Starting point is 00:43:54 Sure. Do you want to? And we can just switch? I want to do what you want. me to do. Did this help? It sure did. I don't know if you needed me to make room for another guest and if it would be if you had a particular way you like to face people. I sort of like this, I guess, but you know what? One more down. Yeah, the other mic is over there. Maybe we sit, there we go. There we go. All right, that's very good. This is, this actually feels pretty good.
Starting point is 00:44:21 I'll sit all the way over here like a sad person. Well, Cal, I have met this guest one time before. And she is a... I guess I'm not really talking to you, but I'm pretending I'm talking to you. Oh, I see. Talking to them out there. Would you prefer I don't really make eye contact, let my eyes glaze over?
Starting point is 00:44:42 Sure, yeah, if you could do that. I feel like Al Pacino and scent of a woman. She is a spiritual advisor. Please welcome Harmony Moongloss. Harmony. So nice to see you again. It's nice to see you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Now, you gave kind of an interesting you put your hands together and then put your leg back to meet us both. Yes, I did. It's prancing deer pose. Ha, ha, I see. What a blessing to see you on this day. Hello. Hi. This is Cal. He's a... Hello, I recognize you from the Sugar Hill Gang. Do you? Yes. Well, that just made my night. Thank you very much, Harmony. Yes, your founding member, of course. I love rap. You do? Yeah. Really, that doesn't seem like the type of music that you would really be into. It's not very calming. It's not very soothing. It's meant to pump you up and and sight? Yeah, well, sometimes I listen to it before I do a reading to get myself excited.
Starting point is 00:45:58 So get yourself excited to do the reading, okay. To get my body engorge. Okay. Simply must. Sure. Agreed. Yeah. What is your favorite hip-hop song that gets you pumped up?
Starting point is 00:46:15 I like the M&M one about his mommy. You familiar? Your favorite and you don't know the title. Mommy, why you have to leave me? Mommy. candy for when I was a baby. You might be paraphrasing a little bit, but I get the gist.
Starting point is 00:46:43 He's so sad. Yeah. He could use your help, I would imagine. We all could, though, couldn't we? Yeah, describe your process what you do for these people. Yes, I lead people on guided meditations to help them find what's ailing them within themselves and their mind and their body, yes. Mm.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Okay, that sounds interesting. Yeah. Would you like me to lead you on one? I would love that. Cal? Absolutely. I need all the help I can get. Okay. Great. Well, can I switch seats with you? Certainly. And should I switch seats with anyone? Yeah, could you sit here? Absolutely. Actually, you know what? I'll be better off over here. If you go, you go there and you all sit here. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:47:29 So really, I just needed you to go over there. Sure. Yeah. Well, here I am. As a recap, that's what I needed. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Now, if you both will close your eyes. Certainly. Both of them? Close both of your eyes, yes. Okay, very good. Do you want them closed or just glazed over, Pacino, instead of a woman's style?
Starting point is 00:47:49 Both eyes closed, including your third eye imagined in your forehead. All right. Not your butthole. Not sure why you felt the need to specify that. It was actually kind of helpful. Yes, please leave that one open. Can I, yeah, I wanted to ask. We're supposed to leave our butt holes open while we do this?
Starting point is 00:48:11 In case you need to express anything during the reading. Okay. Consider it done. Smell you later. Okay. And are your eyes closed? You can see us, I would imagine. Of course.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Are your eyes closed too, Harmony? No. Yours are open, okay. All right, can you see this? No. I'm dangling my foot in front of you, Mr. Ockerman. You are? Yes.
Starting point is 00:48:40 What, you're not about to kick me in the face or anything. No, I'm just showing. showing you my clog as a test to see if you have your eyes open. Oh, no, I can't see your claw. Wonderful. Okay. I'm not wearing clogs. Trick you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:53 Perfect. You're walking down the street. I'm what? You're walking down the street. I'm imagining myself doing that? Fuck. Yes. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Okay. Close your eyes and you're on a guided meditation. So I'm going to, do you need to know what that is? I'm going to lead you through a scenario in your mind and it'll help you deal with your issues. Thank you. That's helpful. Thank you. All right. You're walking down the street. You walk and you walk and you walk. You come across a lake. You get into a small boat on the edge of the lake. You start rowing. What color is the sky? Shh, just think it. You're rowing and rowing and the days get shorter and the nights get longer.
Starting point is 00:49:52 What? Excuse me? Did you say days and nights plural? Did I ask for any questions? No, you certainly did not, and I'm sorry. Thank you so much. Shut up, dude. Scott.
Starting point is 00:50:06 I was telling him to shut up. I know what you're doing. To be fair, I don't. Honestly, both of you, shut up. Honestly, you're not going to get any peace this way. The days get shorter than nights get long. Okay, so you reach the other side of the water. There are trees, trees everywhere.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Where, what kind of trees do you see? Do we answer? Do we what? Do we answer? No. Okay. Do we trees? Shut up!
Starting point is 00:50:43 Do we trees? Trees covered in dew? He's a pun man. I'm sorry, is that something I should have told you before the... You should have written that on the health sheet I gave you. I'm sorry. I can't handle plays on words. It's simply not my style.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Okay. Close your eyes. Cal They're closed Okay You're walking through the forest You come across a small house It's made of gingerbread
Starting point is 00:51:19 You enter And someone's greeting you Who is it? This time you can answer No, in your head Who's in the house? Who's there? Whoever it is, it's very meaningful
Starting point is 00:51:38 I need to know so I can tell you what it means I can't read my Okay, okay, okay. You're afraid? I'm afraid to tell you. Keep your eyes shut. Is it my husband? Do you see my husband?
Starting point is 00:52:06 His name's Philip. Is he in there? I need to know. Can I ask you a question? Oh, God. What's your husband look like? And then I could tell you. Have you ever played the game, guess who?
Starting point is 00:52:24 I'm sort of familiar with it. There's a character named Philip in the game. Okay. That's what my husband looks like. The character is based on him, the drawing. This guy... Okay. Were you going to sing a song?
Starting point is 00:52:39 No. Do you want me to? Yes. What song would you like me to sing? Something that starts with this guy. Whatever you're about to do. Okay, just so you know, I'm a rapper by trade and not a singer, but I'll give it a shot. This guy, he looks like a baker from an old fairy tale.
Starting point is 00:52:58 That's him. That's him. Okay, keep your eyes shut. You walk inside. You sit on the bed. Pat the bed. See if he's responsive. He should come and sit by you.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Is he sitting next to you? An audible response would be perfect. Is he sitting next to you? Scott, answer me now. Shut up, Scott. It's as if you've never been on one of these before. It seems like you're asking me a direct question. Look him in the eye.
Starting point is 00:53:41 ask him if he's ever coming back. Okay, open your eyes. What did he say? What did he say? I mean, do you want to go first? I'll go first, yeah. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out.
Starting point is 00:54:04 What did he say? What did he say? He said he doesn't know the way. So Philip. He doesn't know the way. Yeah. And then I asked him his name. And he said, guess who?
Starting point is 00:54:21 That's him. That's funny. So what did you learn? You feel like you got somewhere with yourself? I mean, I learned that you have an ex-husband named Philip, who's a baker from medieval times? A what? Like an old-timey baker?
Starting point is 00:54:46 Oh, I thought you said banker. Banker? He's a banker from medieval times. I heard baker. The establishment. He walks around with a pouch and collects gold bullion cubes. Oh, gold bullion cubes. So it's like the meat cubes, the meat broth cubes.
Starting point is 00:55:03 That are spray-painted gold? Sure. Like they did in medieval times. Yeah, play money. It's play money. In my vision, I saw her a baker. Oh, God. From fairy tale days.
Starting point is 00:55:15 You both saw a baker? We both saw a baker. Well, I mean, I have to admit, once he said Baker, it popped in my mind. And I went, oh, that must be Philip. And I only thought Baker because I smelled some brownies from backstage. I bought the brownies. Oh, that's why I smelled it. That was very sweet of you.
Starting point is 00:55:32 Yeah, as a treat for when we get off stage. Oh, okay. Thank you. Thank you for that. Some people have Game of Thrones. We have brownies to look forward to. I just feel like it didn't work. I feel like it didn't work.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Neither of you got anything out of it, and I didn't really find any answers. Are you just... Are you trying to lead people through guided meditation to find your husband? Does it seem like that? It sort of did seem like that. You're nodding up and down. Is that what it feels like? It really did feel.
Starting point is 00:56:05 Now you're pointing at yourself like, yes, this is exactly what I mean. Me crazy. What a disappointment. You know, I just really got into this recently. I thought I had a natural skill for it. I'm really a lawyer. You are? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:22 What type of law do you practice? Children's. Oh, what's involved in that? Is it like children suing other children? Yes. A lot of playgrounds. around disputes and such? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:35 A recent case, a kid cheated off another kid on a test, and, you know, I found him guilty and put him in prison. Oh, so you're also the judge. Oh, yeah. Judge, jury, lawyer, stenographer, I do it all, yeah. And is this, like, the government sanctions this, or is this in your house? In my home. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:57 That's in my home, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Do the children bring the cases themselves? Or do the parents intercede? Neither. I'll usually shake down a kid I see and ask him what happened recently. Put him in my mini little courtroom and...
Starting point is 00:57:15 It's mini, meaning... Filmed it with a GoPro, yeah. Why is it mini? You're full-sized. That is true. Thank you for noticing. I guess because the kids are small, it makes them feel less intimidated by the large courtroom.
Starting point is 00:57:31 Exactly. They have little chairs, you know. like school chairs. Sure, sure. Did you film it on a GoPro? And I do, yes. It's in a very small room, so I put a GoPro with a fish eye up in the corner, and I crouch in my little judges' chambers and get everything going.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Right, and what are you filming it for? My own personal trick off of me too. Right. Well, Harmony, it's great having you on the show. Good luck finding your husband, but I doubt he wants to be found. Whatever. That's a good attitude. That's good. Can you stick around, though?
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Starting point is 01:00:32 I'm Chelsea Clinton, and we're back with season two of my podcast. That Can't Be True. Follow along and catch up on season one wherever you get your podcasts. Well, guys, you know, obviously we're. here in New York City. Obviously. Hello. Did you say something?
Starting point is 01:00:54 Hello? Did you say, Harmony, did you say this? You must have said something. No, I'm the one asking. Oh, no. What was that? What was that? Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:01:13 Did you see that? I saw a little flash of something. That was strange. I think I know what's happening here. What do you think's happening? Oh, no. He stole your phone. I got your phone.
Starting point is 01:01:26 Formal. What? Hello. Forbel, ladies and gentlemen. Hello. Who's this little guy? Hello. Hi.
Starting point is 01:01:35 Hello. Have a seat, Forbel. Hi. I want to sit on it with you. You want to... The bridge to Terabithia? I sit on the same one. You want to sit on the same one?
Starting point is 01:01:49 Yeah. All right, here we go. Hello. I'll go on this one now. Hi, forable. Oh, yeah, you sit on too. Let's just flip this one over and get weird. Weird.
Starting point is 01:02:00 No, I'm just kidding. Hello. Hello, Forval. It's me, Forval. Little orphan boy. Little orphan boy, Forval. Hi, Cal. Sugarhill Gang, no fucking wax in one night.
Starting point is 01:02:17 This is a some harmony. Hi. Nice to meet you. Be careful. Ow! Who he steps? He's not quick on the draw, but his knives are sharp. I had so much time to get out of the way.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Be careful, Scott. I'm not going to sit around, wait for you to do it. Oh, he's got another. Be careful, Cal. Oh, oh, I'm being very careful. I'll stab the fucking shit out of you people. All right, all right, Forval. Let me just put these away now that dominance has been established.
Starting point is 01:02:57 He's very... Yoinks. Very stabby. I'm very stabbing. That's a good way to describe him. What's the other way to describe him? Not the first time. Yeah. Forval, it's, I can't say it's good to see you necessarily. Fuck you! I'll take it.
Starting point is 01:03:13 I'm actually really happy to see you. Are you really? Yeah, it's always a pleasure. How are you guys? Well, I mean, Cal, I've seen, you know, on the big screen and the little screen. Yeah. And you, I just met, but you seem nice. I'm sorry, I took you no knee there.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Yeah, it really hurts. Yeah, you are bleeding profusely. I know, but I'm used to this. Are you a hemophiliac? Uh-huh, bye. Do you just automatically say bye in case you're going up to heaven soon? I'd like to get a good buy-in. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:48 So she doesn't have any unfinished business. Sure, you don't want to be a ghost. Very polite. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking for a place to live. And also, I'm King to New York City because I'm starting my own rap group. Yeah, it's like bigger than a mountain. It's a big beer, Mib.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Wow. How many members are you going to have any group? How many members? Yeah. Just one. All right. Million. Oh.
Starting point is 01:04:31 Boy, oh, boy. That's a lot of members for a rap ensemble. I mean, I'm starting small. I just got here. I came on a little box car. You traveled across... Down the West Side Highway. Now I have big, big dreams of starting this rap career.
Starting point is 01:04:47 One million. million members. I mean, that's going to take some doing, don't you think? No. Do you know what I'm intrigued by? You traveled to a little box car on the West Side Highway. Yeah. So was like a train box car?
Starting point is 01:05:03 I spent like six years laying track. And I whittled a little box car. Right. From a little wooden shoe, I turned it into a box car. But the front has laces on it, so it looks like it's running. You are so tiny. Yeah, and then I took it here, and that's it. That's how I got here.
Starting point is 01:05:24 All right, that clears it up for me. Thank you. Bye. Oh, no. Stick around, horrible. I'll stay, I'll stay. So, uh, one million people, you're going to be the chief songwriter of this endeavor? I'm going to be the captain songwriter, yeah, it's not the chief.
Starting point is 01:05:40 I already hired a chief songwriter. You did? Who's this? Michael Bolton. Michael, M.C. Michael Bolton. Oh. The same as the singer? It's not the same as the singer.
Starting point is 01:05:51 I see. Gigantic black dude. When you say gigantic to you, what is he? Five foot six. Okay. Yeah. Because, you know, I mean, everyone can see you, but those listening, of course, know that you're... I'm very small, a little orphan boy.
Starting point is 01:06:10 You're like two feet tall. It's because I only eat scraps. I never grew. What did you have to eat today? I mean... What did I have to eat today? Um, a oyster crack, one oyster cracker. No.
Starting point is 01:06:25 A thimble full of gravy and my own shoes. Wow. You know, we have brownies backstage that Scott brought. Yeah. I mean, those are for the announced guests. Oh. Fucking jeez. Yep.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Give me one sec here. I'll wait for it. Get me that fucking knife away. Whoa. You almost threw it right onto Harmony's head. I'm sorry if I hurt you. Oh, thank you. I don't mean to do it.
Starting point is 01:07:00 It's just my nature. It's your temper, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, when we first encountered Forval, I mean, you were and still are a little orphan boy. Yeah. And you have a lot of siblings out there,
Starting point is 01:07:13 but a lot of family, but none that you live with. No, I killed my parents. That makes the orphan story a little less sad. Yeah. Why? What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Cal? I mean, you lead with the idea. Oh, to the hip, hop. Hibby to the hip, hip, hip, hop, and you don't stop.
Starting point is 01:07:39 A robber to the bang, bang, boogie. He's gone by this point. He's gone. Never mind. I've got to get quicker, man. I'm getting fucking old. All right, Cal's back. Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:07:54 We're cool for right now. Understood. What type of rhymes do you think that you're going to do in this rap group? I mean, this sounds fantastic. Fast rhymes, slow rhymes, busting rhymes. Shonda rhymes You know, all the rhymes I'll probably spit them like hot fire
Starting point is 01:08:11 You know I'll probably just blow the roof off this motherfucker When you say Shonda rhymes Are you going to be doing raps about All of the shows that she has on television? Yeah So Song about NickDream
Starting point is 01:08:27 I'm sorry, was that not clear? I feel like I'm not No, you're far as... I want to move back Like a head here we go So there's going to be songs about McDreaming and McSteamy. I mean, that rhymes right there. McNuggets. You could wrap about
Starting point is 01:08:40 how to get away with murder, which you already know how to do. I do. I could rap about that. I could, M.C. Viola Davis. I could be my rap name. Is that the lady that's on it, right? Oh, great.
Starting point is 01:08:53 And her name is a musical instrument, so. Oh, that's true. Davis? John Lennon played the Davis. I believe. I believe. Well, you know, this sounds really good.
Starting point is 01:09:12 I mean, it would please me. Thanks, yeah. It's a great fucking idea. Scott. Hey, look at this, dumbass. Oh, what a roast. Welcome to the show. Yeah, it's a great idea.
Starting point is 01:09:24 He did it too. I hope you're not mad, but you are. Look, I welcome the competition and part of the rap community is that there's a fun rivalries going on. Little rap wars. Little rap wars. Fun little rap wars.
Starting point is 01:09:37 Right? Where people get killed. It's part of the fun. Yeah. Oh, I love a good rap. Yeah, do you maybe want to have kind of a battle here? I mean, how do these things usually start? Do you flip a coin to see who goes first?
Starting point is 01:10:07 Always, yes. I guess someone has to challenge the other person to a rap battle. Okay, well. Well, I challenge both of you. Wait, okay, I didn't know that you... Whoa. Both moves. Wow, okay.
Starting point is 01:10:20 To do it against each other. Oh, okay, that makes more than. Well, I guess... That still doesn't determine who goes first. I second it. Motion carried. It's definitely going to happen. Well, then who should go first?
Starting point is 01:10:34 I will. Wait, Harmony. I thought you weren't going to be rapping. You're right. I mean them. Harmony, since you challenged them, you decide who goes first. The little one. The little one. That's me.
Starting point is 01:10:49 All right, four of all. Do you need a beat or do you want to just go, you know? I think I need a beat. You need a beat. All right, Ryan, Engineer Ron. Do you think we can get a beat here? Yo, yeah, what? No? It's four of us, son.
Starting point is 01:11:05 2016, and I mean. You want the beat? Keep the beat going. Sure. Challenge to a rap battle by a tiny off and width, the night. My gosh, I'm worried for my life. You could murder me with a place.
Starting point is 01:12:02 He murdered by a little guy. That was pretty tight, though. That was pretty tight. Still awfully tight, awfully tight. I guess it happened. Yeah, you shook it off after the first one. I wasn't planning on doing that with my 40-member rap group, but maybe I'll reconsider.
Starting point is 01:12:28 Alright, let's take the music out if we could. Wow, that was pretty impressive. I mean... Yeah. That was a thrilling, I'm sweating. I'm sweating too. I'm real hot, I'm a little sweaty from that rap back. Are you getting squets?
Starting point is 01:12:43 Oh, it's squetting a little bit. I'm squirting. What? Keep your third eye open. Can I just say, I mean, you guys both prove something here to me tonight. Oh? What's that? That you're both okay at rapping.
Starting point is 01:13:11 And I think if you guys were to team up, you know, you both are looking for new members. What if Cal and Forval, you were to be in the same group? Are you talking about a 1 million and 40 person rap group? One million and 41. Thanks for including me. You can call yourselves the californal raisins. That's the best fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. The cal and forval raisins.
Starting point is 01:13:50 Do you have to get raisins involved, or like at least people if we're going to have to find some talented raisins? Of course we will. And we'll give out raisins at every show. Not the alive ones. But you have to keep them away from me because I'll eat them because I'm starving. Of course you are. When you say you'll give them out, do you mean from the stage or there'll be like a box on everyone's seat?
Starting point is 01:14:11 We'll make little gift bags. Every show. Yeah. Just a little bag about this big with a single raisin and then a bow. Everyone gets a raisin. That's the Calinforval raisins guarantee. And one of them will be a crazen. And if you get that, you get to come backstage and fuck the both of us.
Starting point is 01:14:40 And you know, Harmony, I think your skills shouldn't remain unnoticed here. I mean, you know. Squared. no not the squirting that by the way has left even a bigger mess than the big fatties from over here on this side of the stage
Starting point is 01:14:55 I mean the you know as a lawyer you could be the entertainment lawyer here oh that's true you're a child lawyer Robert Durst Jinks you owe me a Durst you're a child lawyer Forville is a child I'm a little baby bull I could represent you in court
Starting point is 01:15:19 I have to sue my brother three evil What did Threeville do to you? Fucking woke me up, punk bitch. I was sleeping and he woke me up. I said, I'm going to sue the fuck out of you someday. When I find a baby lawyer. I mean, that's progress for you because you used to just stab people who would do stuff like that. I'm trying to get better.
Starting point is 01:15:41 It's hard, though. You know, road to recovery, baby. What step are you on? I don't know. Is it admitting you have a problem? I think so. I've admitted I have a problem. but I still do all the bad shit all the fucking time.
Starting point is 01:16:00 Okay. I've apologized to everyone and no one. One day at a time, for them. And now I'm an alcoholic. Wait. You became an alcoholic? Don't worry about it. Under control.
Starting point is 01:16:18 You're an alcoholic, but it's under control. Yeah. We're going to be fine. The stabbing's much worse, I feel like. That's true. If I didn't pick for someone to have something wrong with them, I would say alcoholic would be prefer. It's a terrible thing, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:31 Yeah, yeah. I'm trying it out for a while, though. At that point, you're only hurting yourself. I guess you're hurting those around you with your actions. Yeah, I'm just hurting people left and right at this point. So, I'm just trying to minimize the damage. It's kind of like a Batman versus Superman thing. Really?
Starting point is 01:16:48 Yeah. A dawn of justice? Is that what that movie was about? Because I haven't seen it. Well, like, they're good people, but they kill a bunch of fucking people too all the time. And now people are like, don't do that. And they're like, I'm going to fight you. and then we're going to be friends, and then it's going to suck.
Starting point is 01:17:01 Wait, was... That was the end result of the movie as they say, well, this sucked. They were like, oh, we did it. We didn't know, we're good, and we're buddies, and they're like, yeah, all right. So they were fighting each other over collateral damage. Yeah, the movie, collateral damage.
Starting point is 01:17:16 Someone had borrowed it from another. Someone had borrowed it. Yeah. I don't know why. It's a DVD. You don't even... Yeah, it's like, get a Blu-ray or something. Hey, do you remember?
Starting point is 01:17:27 Forfeil you too young? But do you remember VHS tapes used to cost $100. Remember that? 99, like literally $99. Yeah. Like if you wanted to buy some dumb movie that Hollywood made on a tape, they cost $100. Now what? And that was because they were selling them to rental stores first.
Starting point is 01:17:47 Right. And then they would price it for the consumer like years later. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Really weird. Weird. I'm kind of glad that whole industry sunk.
Starting point is 01:17:57 Oh, they should rot in hell. I agree. I also agree. Fantastic. We got a quorum. And that, in that Batman versus Superman thing, it was kind of,
Starting point is 01:18:13 I want to get back to this. No, I think we should. It was kind of weird that, uh, they both had mothers named Martha.
Starting point is 01:18:22 What do you think the day in the writer's room where they figured that out was like? I bet one dude was like, he's looking in a comic book and he's like, I saved it down.
Starting point is 01:18:45 Probably, yeah. I hope so. They have more in common than they had differences. Correct. Well, just the two things. They were vigilantes, and they had mother's name Martha. And they killed people. Oh, sure. Indiscriminately. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:00 Pretty crazy if you think about the fact that people have been waiting a very long time to see these two characters fight each other, and then they stopped because their moms have the same name. That's a fact now. Yep. Anytime I get in a fight from now on, I'm going to learn my opponent's mother's name. And then just say, that's my mother's name too. I'm not good in fights. No, yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:24 But you're good at recon. Yeah, I think that I am. Okay, maybe you're not then. Because you've been very wrong in everything up to this point. I feel I've been very honest about my rapping abilities. You have. And my crippling physical issues. Issues?
Starting point is 01:19:40 Yeah, the sweating and the crying. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. I thought maybe you had more that you hadn't talked about. I do. What would be primarily? Surely you can smell me. I mean, I thought that was a byproduct of the squet.
Starting point is 01:19:54 It is, but it's also just a natural brimstone that my skin excretes. Brimstone. Brimstone. Well, that's what it smells like. Do you ever untuck your ponytail from your shirt? How long is it? All we can see is it down the neck at this point.
Starting point is 01:20:15 It's mid-spine. It goes down to like, I don't know, the 16th little knuckle on my back? You've counted those little. little knuckles? Yeah, what do you call them? Spines. Spines. You don't know how many little knuckles you have? You don't have two spines? You have two spines? I think that you're bleeding out so much that you're delusional at this point. I'm not feeling well. Harmony have gone chalk white. I'm very concerned for you. Also, it was a bad idea to squirt some PJ out of yourself.
Starting point is 01:20:52 Oh, okay. All right. That's beyond the pale, Scott. Yeah. Even for you. Is this that kind of show? No. Oh.
Starting point is 01:21:17 Not that kind of show. I'll tell you, I know I'm going to sleep well tonight. I think you're going to be dead. On my mattress? Oh. Ladies and gentlemen, if you are ever in the situation that Harmony here is in where you're stabbed by a knife,
Starting point is 01:21:36 you're bleeding out, and you're squirting blood, you're going to want to do it on a Lisa mattress. Incredible sponsor. Thanks to them for sponsoring this tour. Got it in just under the wire. I know. Thank you. Thank you for your diligence in this matter.
Starting point is 01:21:55 It's my passion project. I don't think I would have remembered a one, if not for you. Well, guys, you know, we're just about running out of time here. I feel terrible about this. For a little, I never get to see you. Yeah. Well, I see you all the time because I'm hiding. Watching you.
Starting point is 01:22:18 He's good at recon. I hide in a little boot in the corner. Like a little Ngettys, baby. Scott, why do you have one little boot? And one huge boot. Have you guys seen my feet? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, look at that.
Starting point is 01:22:38 Yeah, look at that. It's got one gigantic foot and one tiny little foot. Yeah. And unfortunately, the gigantic one is not my right foot, so I couldn't even be a kicker in the NFL. Thanks for your sympathy or empathy. But guys, we're almost out of time, but I think, you know, I think what people would really love is one more freestyle rap content.
Starting point is 01:23:08 with all of us here. I think so. I bet they would like it. I bet they would like that. But we're not going to do it. No, of course we're going to do it. I'm going to point at someone we need a topic. You sir in the plaid shirt here.
Starting point is 01:23:24 Tacos. Tacos. That was so scared. All right, let's get the music engineer. Taco. Kick it off? Sure, why don't you kick it off? Here's what I like about this topic.
Starting point is 01:23:47 It includes a food. That's right, I forgot. Here we go. Friends House to eat, and he serves some tacos to you. I mean, it's a hot shell with some stuff in the middle, and you eat it, and you chew, chew, chew. You say, thanks for the tacos, a Mexican food. I like what you've done for me. Previously.
Starting point is 01:24:34 I'm sure I have. Oh, okay. I'm here to say, it's fun to wrap in a tacos way. What's that smell? It's a shell wrapped around a taco. Ooh! Also, because that wouldn't smell good. This is a food.
Starting point is 01:25:05 I mean food, not too good of a rap. Put some cheese like Gouda. Don't sneeze on your fooda. That's not what you want to do. Oh, this is fucking horrible. Wow. All right. I'm jealous.
Starting point is 01:25:25 Well, it leaves you horrible. In 20? I'll kill myself. That's our show. Want to listen to your favorite lemonade shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, fail better with David DeCovney, the Sarah Silverman podcast, and so many more. It's a great way
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