Threedom - Corporate Lady How TWO Talk

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss their Notes apps, Mrs. Doubtfiring, and water in my hat before playing Switch It and Pitch It.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock the THREEMIUM archive on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, no. Shit. I didn't realize that for the last 27 years. weren't we originally going to even spell it 3D-U-M-B at one point? But I'm glad we didn't. I'm glad we didn't do that. I'm glad we didn't do that. I think that would have been bad.

I'm glad we didn't do it. I'm glad we didn't do it. Definitely toothpicks. I'm glad we didn't do it. Definitely toothpicks. What does he say? Definitely toothpicks. Are you talking about rain man?

Oh, rain man. But how did that sound like rain man? Definitely toothpicks. Definitely judge Wobster. Does he say definitely? He says definitely he's definitely a good driver. Definitely. He counts the toothpicks.

Definitely toothpicks. And he has to get home in time to watch Wapner. Right. So I mix them all together and do definitely toothpicks. I got to rewatch that. Just kidding. Gotta rewatch it. If just for the escalator scene alone.

I don't remember that one. I've been on a movie tear lately, just watching movies at home. How's that going? It's going okay, although some of the movies. Oh, because we talked on this show that I wanted to revisit Brab Stoker's Dracula. Haven't done that yet. But I did revisit what? I can't hold this?

No, I'm looking for my water and the computer was blocking it. So I was like, I swear to God, I brought my water over. I swear to God, I brought a glass of water to my table. Rewatched minority report because people had been talking about it.

Yeah. It seemed to be mentioned a lot. It was on a lot of lips. It was okay. Okay. That was always my impression of it. It was like fine. Is that Tom Cruise?

That is Tom Cruise. I watched War of the, I did a Tom Cruise. three-fer. Three-fur. That's fun. That's fun to pick a person. Yeah. Just watch a bunch.

War of the World. Yeah. I like that one other than the end. Dakota Fanning? Did not hold up from it. Dakota Fanning. She's playing. This is back of the time when Dakota

Fanning was in everything and she was the same in everything and was always like way too precocious. Yeah. Where Tom Cruise is a divorced dad. He's got the kids for the weekend. Terrible weekend. It would have been better if

mom had them. And honestly, it would have been. They were safe up in Boston. So he's, you know, playing catch with his son and they're getting in an argument. The thought of him playing catch with a kid. I know. Like him always playing a regular guy is just so funny to me. Back in the day, that was fire.

Yeah. When he was Jerry Maguire. Jerry McGuire is the one because he was like an agent where it was still so busy. And him like being in a relationship was kind of new to him and all that kind of stuff. Right. Where I bought it. But him like being a dad. divorced dad. Playing like a mechanic.

Yeah. It's just like, come on, dude. So he's playing catch with the sun. They're getting in an argument. And then he throws the ball of the sun. The sun dodges it, lets it break a window. Which is pretty funny. And then the sun stalks off. And just like that. And then this small child, Dakota Fanning, says, you're never going to reach him like that. Oh, stop.

What? Yeah. That's insane for a little kid. Here's what I like about the movie is when the aliens start attacking to win the final battle. And then everything else. This is what I like about movies. This is what I like about movies. When the aliens attack, and then the final battle. How do I know it's a good movie? When the aliens attack? And there's a final battle. I had to write a screenwriting book. When do the aliens attack? Here's what I forgot about War of the Worlds too, which is part of the story in every iteration. Yeah. Is that the thing that kills them is germs. Oh, I didn't remember. That's all it is.

They just like fart in their face or something. Yeah, that's exactly what happens. They get a big tall ladder. Or they get tall job. All the, all the fire in the country come together to build a mega ladder. And a mega fart. So, um, they die by germs. So the ending is they're running around a terror that all of a sudden they're like, hey, what's going on?

Military's like, we don't know. And then a voiceover says, it was Morgan Freeman. It was germs. No. Morgan Freeman. Wait, is that supposed to be funny? It was germs. No.

That's too bad. It's supposed to be like, it's one thing in a book because it's an ironic ending of they, They thought they were so advanced and they were conquerors and everything, but they didn't scout for germs. They didn't scout for germs. Well. But in the, when you're watching a movie, like, just ends where these things are, they're just dead. It was germs.

They were fine, whatever, whatever. Everyone's fine. Okay, bye. But I also, I don't like about when people, when there's a movie where people go to another planet and then they like just like put their feet in like the ocean or something like that. You know, I'm like, you don't know what the fuck kind of. You don't know what you're touching. You know, but people do it's just so. People do it all the time.

All the time. They're putting their feet in these. In the Mars ocean and stuff. They do a little lip service to the idea where it's like, wait a minute, if these readings are correct, I think we can take off our helmets. And if we can take off our helmets, we can do anything. There must be nothing that isn't like Earth here. I'm going to eat a rock. I wouldn't very quickly take off my helmet, even if it said it was fine.

I leave mine on to the last. Yeah. I'd be like, okay, you guys. Let me see how it goes. It's like holistic surgery. People hate helmets, though. They hate helmets. They're so annoying to wear.

I hate helmets laws. The daddy state. But wait, my third Tom Cruise movie, collateral. Collateral. Which was very enjoyable. It's a fun thriller. I watched it recently jotting down anything that happened in the plot to, in order to just understand the structure. And humanity?

And you know, like, hmm. Gets in car? Why? These humans. How amusing. So did you learn anything? I did. I was just sort of like mulling over plots and I was writing something and I was like, you know what?

I'm going to watch collateral, which has a similar type of plot to this thing I was writing. I'm just kind of like write down what is learned by the main character and what happens to the main character. Like his emotional journey and his other journey and where they happen in the plot. It was very interesting. I still have it on my phone here. I'll send it to you a ball. You'll love it. You'll love to read this special notes in my phone.

One of two. About a movie you just watched. It's like a subscription service. You want to read the notes that are my phone? Honestly? Sign up for this. That might be good. That's part of Hack Claims 8.

You do get our notes. You get to read all of our phone apps. You have access to every app in our phone. So you have this special app. Please don't change our settings. You have a special app that's called Freedom Phones. You click that. You can select Scott.

Paul or Lauren, and then you go into our phone. You can look at everything. We have nothing to hide. I mean, I have some things to hide, but I've already agreed to this, and it's too bad. I don't like that I agree to it either. Yeah, I would say. The paycheck is worth it. We're getting about, what, 80 million?

Well, yeah, we have 80% of the company, so it's 80 million. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's 100 million. Yeah, 100 million. Who else the other 20%? I can't. God, who's that? I think it's like.

Is it the banker? Oh, yeah, the banker from dealer. No deal. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys use your notes app often? I use it all the time. And do you have a lot of notes?

We go back and you look at a what? Yes. Yeah, me too. I think I get rid of them. I try to get rid, but sometimes I'll look back and I'll go, what is that? Yeah. You have to write what you're talking about when you write a note. I love when it's just like a confirmation code for something.

Yeah, I was going to remember that for sure. I mean, there's a whole note. I'll sometimes say this doesn't, you know, this doesn't deserve its own. notes. So I'll write it on some other note and then I can't find it ever again. It doesn't deserve it. So don't. You haven't earned it yet. What's the oldest note I have in my phone? I'm going to look here. Oh my God. 2008. Great question. Shit. Let me check mine. 2008. That's way too far back. Oh, wow. This is from this is from Match Game. Remember those monologues I used to do on Match

Game when we give away the prize? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, mine's like definitely a character idea from 2016 how did you just scroll down yeah yeah paul it seemed daunting my oldest is from 2010 what is it okay sketch idea some of these things I wrote are so crazy guy with a puppet in audience really into it but lamb shop puppet is bored What? Really into what? Honestly, everything I wrote in here is so stupid. Here's an idea.

I want to be a series regular on house hunters, and I pretend to be a new home buyer every episode. That's not, that's not things. Series regular and featuring Laura Lepkins. Sly is Michael J. Fox. She's like an employee teacher. She's like a teacher in the autumn. She's got class.

This sounds like notes for bang bang for the TV show. Yeah, probably. It was a different time. We were at war. The war on drugs, the war on Christmas. I have no idea what I'm talking about here. These are just musings. Yeah, and then a lot of match game notes.

Wow. I was watching match game last night with Martin Short. I think he's actually a very good host. Oh, what? They did it again? Yeah, they're doing it again. Martin Short is the house now. I love him.

Anything he does, I'm happy. Anything. Well, anything he does. I don't think he would choose to do something disgusting. Rwandan genocide. He didn't do that. He didn't deny it. Oh, my God.

Now we're getting into that. Knocking over Jenga sketch, MTV show. Doodah, do da. Knocking over Jenga, sketch, MTV show. Wait, this isn't a sketch. This is a show. We got to protect some of these ideas. Some of these are not bad.

Guy on fire running into everything flammable. Pretty good Uh-huh Pretty good LAT 8104 AAE Cars dot com Oh, when you go into our notes app

on hag claims 8.com Any confirmation code can be used to unlock a treasure Yes Here is We can't tell you where the treasure is We can't tell you what the code How did decode the code?

Here's a Todd line that I wrote down Okay there's a few of them here i don't know what this is i got a dick bigger than a pencil but like a big pencil like from a photo shoot like when like a little kid that's posed a big pencil i definitely have hair in my armpits and like a thousand pubs i had to stop counting at a thousand that's good that's good there we go i mean we write these things down so that we'll come back to them and i'm sure i never looked at again but now but now uh the that I'm reading some of these ideas.

I'm like, oh. Maybe this is what I saw. I saw some old notes from like a meeting I had or like what a company was looking for. I go, I got an idea for that now. I wonder if they still care about that now. It's eight years later. A company?

Some company I met with. Oh, like a showbus company. I thought you meant like they want inventions. We want inventions. I met with the Rube Goldberg company. They want inventions. What's the best invention you ever came up with? That I came up with.

Didn't we talk about. about this like a week ago? I had an idea for something that I remembered the other day that was like portable razors. Because they're so heavy right now. But like, okay, so what would happen is? It's hard of lugging these razors around. It was like a million years ago.

I remember having this idea and going, this is a great job. It better be from exactly a million years ago. It's a million years ago. But you, as a lady, you shave your legs, get in the car and you go, I missed a spot. And like in the sun, you could see that you missed a spot. And then you'd go, I wish I had a razor. and then I would have a razor and this is very unnecessary

now that I think about this at all but the razor would have like at the end of it would be like water and you'd like squeeze that and it'll go and then like shave your leg tiny spot

yeah so like it was a small razor with like a little soap you know on the end like a little sometimes they make those and then there's water like shaving gel and a little

yeah you go and then you go yeah I mean honestly it's so unnecessary yeah yeah that's why nobody invented it I guess we don't know that I haven't even Googled it

I don't even know maybe someone did what about it like one of those little trimers I mean anything there's so many things that can work I mean literally there's these little tiny razors that they sell

anyway that you can look like they're a little like face razors like it's for women it's like a little like thin pencil like thing it's flat one of the novelty pencils they have it's huge yeah And you can just take off your little mustache, fix your eyebrows, do a little thing.

It's like there's like a lot of, it's just a tedious little tweak. I need the listeners to know you held it up to your eye when you said mustache. Well, that's what I call my eyelashes. My eye mustaches. Sure. That makes sense. Not eyebrows. No, no, no.

If I was a woman, I would just never leave the house that was in a dress, not down to my ankles. Man. If I was a woman I never leave the house unless my dress was to my ankles and I had knee socks on and long boots A petticoat

And a petticoat And a bustle and a hat And when I'm on the bat Now there was a TV show Called Petticoat Junction Yes Which I think was in the Beverly Hillbillies verse

Was it a spinoff of one of those more I don't know if it was a spinoff But I think they did cross over So it was on Earth It was on Earth Set on planet Earth. I think a lot of shows are in the Beverly Hillbillies averse then, if that's all it takes. Is it anywhere?

Yeah. ER. So everything that's on Earth is a Beverly Hillbillies offshoot to you? Well, they're related. They're in the same universe. Sure. You know, like in the 80s, there'd be a lot of crossover on shows, like Urkel would go to different places. Yes, yes, yes.

So then you're led to believe that everyone lives. Sort of near each other. Near each other. In the TGIF gang. But, like, we know that, like, Urkel lives in Chicago, that the full house family lives in San Francisco. Where did Baldy and Cousin, Cousin, Larry, live? That's a great question. I would have said they're in, like, Cincinnati or some shit.

On the wings of my dream. But Petty Co Junction, here's, I don't know what the gimmick of it was. It was a train station was Petty Co Junction. Yeah. And there was, oh, maybe the gimmick was just, there was three hot ladies there. Chicago. So Erkel and Cousin Larry could have met. Balky and Urkel.

That's a crazy combination. I'm sure they met. I'm sure they met. They had to admit. Did I do that? Don't be ridiculous. They can go on for hours. When two catchphrases

can answer each other. Can fit in like a lock and a key. There was a little reunion between Belke and Larry recently. I saw a picture of them together. That's nice. I felt so happy. I always thought that was a funny part of the leftovers TV show that he was in it.

Who was? Mark Lynn Baker was in it. Oh, I didn't realize he was in that. As himself. And he was one of the leftovers. No. Are you fucking kidding? That's funny.

That's very funny. Because there would be celebrities. And so he was, he was like in the leftover, somebody comes up to him like, hey, are you? Yeah, he's like trying to avoid it or something like that. He's like, doesn't want attention or something like that. Just for like one episode? I think just for like a brief cameo or something like that.

That's funny. I tried to watch the leftovers when it came out and that first season was brutal but then it's really good after that That's everybody said I know so that is hard Just don't even watch the first season But are the surly teens in it the whole time

I doubt the whole time The whole time It becomes fun in seasons two and three While still being You know like a hard situation You know what I never watched Which feels related You know what and I'm sorry

I should have a little more empathy It was a hard situation for them. It's a difficult situation for these leftovers. I haven't watched that one. But I'm like, I probably like that. Yeah, it's funny. I don't think I watched the whole thing, but I watched the whole thing, the whole thing. What is that?

From Mrs. Delphire. Oh, Paul hasn't seen, right? No, never will. Never will. You have to go on Scott hasn't seen and watch. Come on, Paul. It was a drive-by fruiting. It was a run by fruiting.

God damn it. I always do that. everyone does because it should be dry by fruiting you haven't even seen it what the fuck do you know what it should be here's what i know about mrs downfire then we've covered this before yeah and we'll cover it again i'll call say what do you know hello thank you hilly you tits on fire yeah yeah face in the street do you know what he puts his tits out with tits on fire face in the street like he has like the lid covers yeah yeah yeah um um Um, the whole time, the whole time, the whole time. Good one. That's one of the best deliveries of anything ever. Improvising doing ADR for a cartoon that has already been animated. Yes.

That's such a good point. That's a weird one. That is a good point. I never thought about that. I couldn't believe that when I saw it. It's one of the movies that prompted me to do Scott hasn't seen because I watched it right before we started that show. And I was like, it's just insane that he's sitting there doing the voice over for a cartoon.

Yeah, I never thought about that. That's interesting. I think dude looks like a lady is in there If it's in there or at least it's in the trailer Yeah it should be in there I think it's in the movie I think it's in the movie When he starts kind of like cleaning having fun Yes having fun

And And I think that maybe it I did watch the deleted scene Which is very harrowing dramatic Oh yeah no I think I sent that to you It's the original ending or no It's just a deleted scene that actually treats the premise seriously of like what sallyfield would actually say to robin williams

like she's saying this is a fucked up thing you did yeah this is an insane situation yeah we don't really want that and no one can trust you you are you're a lunatic yeah which is all like what you would say but i mean i i think there's obviously a lot of movies that do stuff like that where someone's like pretending to be something and then at the end they find out you it's like part of you wants that a little bit for them to get like that's so crazy like you're insane and then the other part of you's like but then that's like that person should literally be like locked up like there's like no other ending yeah yeah yeah it has to be a little silly you have to let them get away you at least press charges yeah like it's like that's messy it's too messy it's messy but i but i feel like i don't need to see that movie and i would not gain anything from seeing who would you do a mrs outfire with Wait, wait, pause. In your life.

You need to gain something from watching everything you watch. Like enjoyment. Or money? Is that fair to say? What if the filmmakers paid you to watch it? Sure. How much?

$10 million. How much would it take to get you into this movie? Less than $10 million. A thousand. You'd do it for $1,000. Would you do it for $100? How badly do they want me to watch this?

Really bad. It's like a thing that bad. Then if they say 1,000, I'm going to come back with 10,000. And they'll say, 100. I say, fuck off. You start with a thousand? No, I'm saying 100 because I'll pay you to do it on Sky. If I'm not going to do, no, no, we'll do it.

A hundred dollars. Come on. No. What if I tell you the filmmakers want you to see? We also have people, neighborhood listen listeners want us to do a watch along with this downfire because we've mentioned it so many times. What did you drop? The headphones.

Oh, headphones. Why did you do that? I didn't know. I did. I was so surprised. Oh, now all of a sudden, you don't know that you did it. Yeah, I didn't know. Your question was, who would you miss his doubt? Who would you miss it?

Who in your life would you missus Doutfire? So you put on a costume and get in, and infiltrate their personal space? Take aside the realism of like the makeup and all that, you know, but who if you could Mrs. Doubtfire someone in the world, who would you do it to? To like, what do you do? It doesn't even have to be someone in your life. What are you trying to get out of it?

Also, yes. What does it mean to Mrs. Doubtfire someone? You have similar goals as Mrs. Doubtfire? No, no, no, no. You just dress up like Mrs. Doubtfire. It has to be Mrs. Doubtfire. No.

But it's a universe where Mrs. Doubtfire doesn't exist. You can't create an original character. No, you have to Mrs. Doubtfire. But you are going to be around somebody in order to either gain time with them or information. You don't have to be a nanny. You can be their personal assistant. But you look like Mrs. Dowellner. But you have to look like Ms. Devon.

And whatever do you have to work for them. And you have to talk like her. Okay. I wouldn't do it around an old person. So you have to say I'll go pick up your dry cleaning. I'll do whatever you asked me to do. I'll go to the grocery store for you and get some meat shanks. My Scottish accent is about as good as his.

Yeah, sure. I could do it. Would you do it to Janie? No. So you'd say Paul's out of town and his grandma is coming to stay. I told her this early on in the relationship. I will never Mrs. Delfthry. That's in your vows.

I said it to Mike, but I was lying. And I will do it. I forgot you could lie in your vows. And I want my kids to have like an old grandma kind of figure like that. So I'll do it so that they have that kind of experience. Oh, you know what? I would do it for your kids. Yeah, so that they have that kind of experience, like being around an old lady.

I would do it for all my friends. They won't, like when they find out that it was not old lady, like that'll really fuck up their heads about like how to interact in the world. My uncle used to my late uncle, R.P. uncle dick used to on sundays he would buy boxes of donuts and go around to all the grandkids and visit with them and give them donuts what a great guy and so i would do that on sundays with all my friends kids i would be mrs delfire that's nice they'd look forward to it you know with the donuts look at you you ebert oh you're getting so big that's nice i would do it to hunter Biden just so I could look at that laptop from hell. Oh my gosh. I don't even know that reference.

I'm just going to let it be. You're so lucky. I'm going to let it be. You're so lucky. All right. We have to take a break. Hey, Lauren, have you ever shopped online? Yes. Oh, cool. You seem... Wait, ask me too. Hey, Paul, have you ever shopped online? No. Well, you should start. How? Well, what do I have to explain to get you into this shopping online thing? The internet? Do I need to explain that or do you know what that is? No, I know what the internet is.

Okay. Well, you can shop on it. You can buy stuff and then they sent it to your house or other places. That's where my knowledge has a gap. Well, you know, the reason that most people abandon their carts when they're shopping online, it's not because they don't want the items anymore. It's because they don't want to get up from their couches or wherever they happen. to be sitting or lying down and go get their credit card.

I would think the big appeal of abandoning your cart is that you get to yell, Abandon cart. I mean, that's a big part of the reason. But that's mainly why people do it. And some businesses are. I don't know. Yes. Are you not interested in this anymore?

Well, I just wanted to tell you something. What? Part of the reason why some businesses are so successful is because they allow customers to save their information making checkouts fast and pain free, okay? So you might have seen a purple button at checkout with the word shop, sticking out amongst all the other payment options. That's Shopify's shop pay. And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it, homies.

Yeah. Shopify doesn't just make the buying experience better for customers. They're also the experts in helping small businesses grow big and complete sales, which is why so many businesses rely on Shopify. Well, I'm going to trust the experts. Yeah. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient.

Endless aisle, shipped a customer, buy online, pick up, and store all made simpler so customers can shop how they want. And staff have the tools to close the sale every time. And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. With Shopify POS, point of sale. What did you call? Point of sale, you nasty people. You can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first-party data that gives marketing teams a competitive edge. In fact, it's proven.

Based on a report from EY, business is on Shopify. P-O-S. See real results. Like 22% better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9% uplift in sales on average relative to the markets that surveyed. Stop seeing carts going abandoned.

And turn those sales into... Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash freedom. Did you make that noise with your mouth? Go to Shopify.com slash freedom. Shopify.com slash freedom. Shopify. Guys, there's someone

I want to introduce you to. Okay, who? J-Lab. Oh, is that, you're, you're, you're, you're saying J-Lo, right? No, no, no. Really? No, you're incorrect. Okay.

And, no, it's not my girlfriend. I'm happily married. Thank you. Okay. It's J-Lap. You don't have a side piece? You shut up. J-Lap.

Okay, J-Lab. Tell me about J-Lap. They are headphones and speakers as vibrant as your summer. Beach Days. Workout sessions or chill moments, you can find the perfect sound with J-Lab, as I previously mentioned. I got some of these. Oh, so you know. Yeah, J-Lab's colorful collection has something for every summer adventure and every moment.

Okay, here, Lauren, picture headphones and speakers in fresh summer colors with features you actually want for things like beach workouts. Have you ever chilled by a pool? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or like sunset jamming sessions. We all do those, right? You're telling me something I already know because I recently got a pair of J-Lab's J-Bud's Lux over-ear headphones in the color cloud which was honestly the perfect gray.

It's because of everything, it's chic, it's cool. Yeah. Yeah, well, they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel because let me tell you, they're lighter than my other headphones that I had before. They fold up, which my other ones didn't do. These are things that make it much easier to travel. I put them in the bag.

They can go. They're super comfortable. They have active noise canceling, which obviously you need on an airplane. And the best part, they fold up. That's what I love. I could not fold my other ones. I love to fold them.

And they actually connect. Unlike, remember when we were on tour last year, Paul? And I was watching Aliens Resurrection. And the headphones didn't connect. And I just ended up blasting people shouting, fuck you. Happy aliens. They were really bad at those aliens. Anyway, don't miss out on JLab's newest line.

Their summer speaker series from pocket size to party sized, the JLab party speaker series brings powerful sound. to any summer gathering. By the way, pocket and party are not mutually exclusive. They have vibrant colors like lime green, cyan, and hot pink, as well as classic black. Maybe start with the ultra portable pop party speaker for beach picnics, then step up to a go party for backyard barbecues, then level up with J Budd's party for all day beach sessions,

and go epic with the epic party speaker in classic black, delivering 100 watts of massive. extensive 360-degree sound for unforgettable summer nights. By the way, personal experience, I learned the name of the color cyan from playing Halo multiplayer. Oh, good for you. I learned it from the New York Times crossword, where it appears regularly. Look for the blue box at retailers everywhere or shop jelab.com and use code freedom for 15%

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Yeah. Remember summertime when you were a kid? Summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime, summer time. Yes. Well, man, remember running around barefoot and sometimes without pants? Um. In the middle of nature. getting poison ivy all over your body?

This is making me uncomfortable. Do you remember? Do you remember? I don't want to answer any more questions. No further questions, Your Honor. Opportunities born from boredom. Rights of passage like riding a bike, setting up a lemonade stand, even learning to earn and manage a buck. Well, with school out, and I think school is back for some people, but it's out for others.

I heard it was out forever. I think my friend Alice told me that. But I'm not sure. Anyway, with school out, summer is the perfect time to teach your kids real-world money skills that they will use forever. Hey, Lauren, I wanted to talk to you too. Okay. Because you have kids, and I don't. Greenlight, what it is, let me explain what it is, okay?

It's a debit card and money app made for families like yours, Lauren. And it helps kids to learn how to save money, invest money, and how to spend money wisely. Parents can send money to their kids and keep an eye on how they're spending and how they're saving. Meanwhile, the kids and teens build money confidence and skills in a fun, accessible way that feels more like a game than a lesson. Well, I do feel like once my kids are ready to get an allowance, the Greenlight app will make it so easy to keep track of it because they have built-in chores features that allows you to set up a one-time recurring chore, customized to your household, and reward kids with allowance for a job well done. What's the one-time chore? I would love there was a chore you just had to do once.

Like, dig up that tree. There you go. There you have it. Greenlight is an easy, convenient way for parents to raise financially smart kids and families to navigate life together. And I don't know. I'm just guessing, but maybe that's why millions of parents trust and kids love learning about money on Greenlight, the number one family finance and safety app. Now, I'm an adult, but I'm as dumb as a child. Would it work for me?

I think so. Don't wait to teach your kids or your dumb friend Paul. Real world money skills. start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com.com slash freedom. That's greenlight.com slash freedom to get started. Greenlight.com slash freedom. Goodbye, everyone.

And we're back. Guess what else I watched? What? The Billy Joelle documentary. Oh, I want to watch that. I really want to watch that, Paul. Why'd you watch it without me? Paul, let us watch it, please.

We stayed up until 11 p.m. waiting for you to show up. Can I borrow your copy? Can I borrow your house? Oh, no. brother, you've got to get your own. Can borrow your house. Hey, love soul classics rules apply. Can borrow your house once?

Why do you want to borrow my house? I just want to live in it. I want to switch. I want a freaky Friday you. Without the body stuff. I can't wait to see that, by the way, freakier Friday. I'll be going to that in the theater.

Amy Schneider of Jeopardy fame. Very funny post that said, there's no way that this is a freakier Friday. It has happened before. If anything, this is a less freaky Friday. That's true. It's like we kind of know. we're doing.

Yeah. It'll be freakyer if something totally different happened. Which, why wouldn't it? Why wouldn't something totally different happen? Yeah. Like, well, like, what is different than what happened in Freaky Friday? What if they traded bodies with a couch? Yes, exactly.

Still is similar to Freaky Friday where body switching is happening. But body switching with a different type of body. It's still in the realm. The part that's always so crazy. And I mean, I think they address it a little bit, but it's like, there's a couple things that are crazy about it. Your body being totally different and also it's somebody else.

It's not like big or 13 or grand 30 where it's still your own body but it's just you're older. Now you have like your mom or grandma's body. Would you rather big or freaky Friday yourself? And I can, it's going to be undone at a certain point. It'll it'll be like a weekend. Like a long weekend. If you make a like a Fourth of July weekend

that's like the fourth lands on the Friday and you still have the Monday off because that's the federal. So if I'm bigging myself at this point it means I'm like getting older. you know you're getting well what do you want well i don't really no i don't really want anything to happen like that like you're gonna reverse big yourself where you're 20 or i well that could be interesting yeah i could see that like you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna give yourself i'm gonna give myself yep i think that well i think being someone else's body is kind of more interesting because they're like, so that's what

this is like? So that's what that mouth do? I would only want to switch. No, I literally know what that mouth is. I would not want to switch bodies with someone that I knew. I know. That's freaky. I'd like to switch bodies for sure. It's very freaky. It's freaky. Now that's freaky. No, and then the other part

that's so crazy, like in the original, it's like she has to like kiss or avoid kissing her. Yeah, I haven't seen. Stepdad or whatever. Spoilers. Spoilers. Gross. Oh, stepdad. Go ahead. You're not related. I think it would be Boyfriend or something

Yeah, go ahead It'd be good to switch bodies With like a famous person George Coney George Clooned The Clune dog or one of the Kardashians The younger ones I'd love to switch bodies with Sean Penn

Jesus Christ So weird But not brains You have the exact brain of Sean Penn In my opinion How dare you A strange insult Hey, you have the brain of Sean Penn, asshole.

Someone you don't know who cuts you off on the street. They leave going, what the fuck do they mean? Do you want to hear a story about Sean Penn? Yeah, sure. He was working on a movie. This is many, many years ago. And another actor on the movie said this, that he would, you know, between takes, he would sometimes just quote these, you know, you know, yeah, he would quote like long sections of poems

and then at the end and say something like he would tag it with C. Bukowski you know like that kind of thing and then one time he did this long rambling one and he finished it with S-Pen

that's tough and I have to say I give him credit for not making the person say who was that one by? Yeah yeah did you like that one? What'd you think of that one? Guess who it's by? I've always been a little...

I'm going to write it on the underside of this rock and then walk away. I've been a little like, I don't know if impressed is a word, but I think it's interesting when people like have Shakespeare memorized, like, poems or things like that. That doesn't impress me much. I mean, I think memorizing is... So you memorize some Shakespeare? That don't... Okay.

That's why I said I don't think impressed is the word. Yeah. But I simply don't do that. But I do remember songs. You know what's funny is I know what you mean. It's not so much impressed as I wish I could have some. something like that committed to memory. Yeah.

At my fingertips. You know what I mean? Like I could always have that with me. Just like, more like memorizing pie or something. How damn spot. Hey, you're one of those guys. Wait, say who wrote that? Thank you.

Or B Shakespeare, as I call it. Billie. Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy. Do you think he really was eight different people? Yeah. I think we all are. Whoa. You know what?

I think that's so possible that he was. Yeah. I think that about Aaron Sorkin, too. Oh, no, he was one person in seven co canes. I'll have seven co canes, please. What's limited in cocaine? Is it different types? They're making a social network follow-up.

Yeah. You know what I was so surprised by? They're making the holiday limited series, which I thought, great, I would totally watch that. And then Nancy Myers posted and she goes, this is the first I'm hearing of it. You know, she wrote the first time. How did that happen? Wow. She literally had never heard about it.

Wow. Doesn't that seem insane? She, in crays? She doesn't own the rights to it. But if she wrote it, you would think. She'll get paid for it. Well, but don't they tell her that when it's happening also? Maybe her agent men had said surprise.

Yeah, surprise. You're doing this. Please don't tell her this is happening. I want her to get the check. and then be thrilled. I just thought that was interesting. It is interesting. You know, the social media element of it all is kind of interesting

because we can hear that immediately. She can just say, I don't know. I can hear you, right? Yeah. Yeah. Nancy Myers is scrolling like fucking nobody's business. She's doing scrolling. She posts, you know what?

I actually think she posts a lot of lovely, like, throwback pictures and things. I love all her movies, so I always like when she posts. Pots and pans. Yeah. So Nancy Myers' kitchen. Candlesticks. It's kind of fun to, to have. have a whole style of house that

you sort of have a stamp on. It's true. And her house was an architectural digest, which is beautiful. Oh, wow. Yeah, obviously. Did she welcome them in like Walton Gagins? I don't think it was a video. My house was in National Geographic. It was a cave. It was like a goofus and gallant.

It was a cave. Goofus and Gallant. What, is it rude to live in a cave? Like, you want your house to be in architectural digest. Gallant has his house at architectural digest. Goofus has his. Goofus is wanted by the Hague. What is that from? Highlights Magazine, my dear girl.

Oh. Yes. I used to read that the dentist. The timber toes, the weird family. There were puppets, jointed puppets. My mother gifted our daughter a subscription to Highlights Magazine. I was rolling my eyes. That's pretty fun.

When it happened, she loved. I was just thinking I should just do that. She loves it. She's like, just today, she's like, I got mail. That's cute. And she goes through them and asks us to read them over and over to her. Oh, I want to do that. Yeah, that's really lovely good.

Got any old ones? No. I love that your mom also, first of all, highlights of magazine still exists is wild to me. I know. They still sell it. I almost bought one recently, but it was like, it was all games, which I wasn't sure Holly would really know how to do. Right.

And it was also. Emmy loves the find the hidden thing. Oh, that's good. And she's memorized where every single thing is, but she wants to play all the time. She's like, let's read this to me, which means just me going, where's this thing? And she goes, there. And she knows exactly where it is. What about spot the five differences?

Oh, she hasn't really figured out how to do that yet. That really reminds me of being at the dentist. Like, I actually very firmly can see myself in the chair there. And Ranger Rick? Mm-hmm. The raccoon? I just flashed back to my. old doctor's office and and the other day we were to do

me was like uh she got we watched lady in the tramp the other day and she um she got fascinated by the guy playing the accordion so she was like miming it yeah and then we like looked up some videos of people playing the accordion she was like concertina i believe okay did you see it in the theater yeah were they doing like old you know what's so weird i was at the movies yesterday singing naked gun which it was hilarious And the trailers, they had some trailers for old movies that aren't that old that are being put back in the theater. Like Train Rack is going to be in the theaters again, August 21st or something. Oh, these are like the special one-night event.

It's one-night. Like fathom events or whatever. Okay, I don't know. Train-rack is even getting a night? Well, like, 40-year-old Virgin is like the 30th. Maybe they play a half-hour event. Thanks for coming, everyone. 20th anniversary or something of a 40-year-old virgin.

It was some anniversary. That wouldn't mean more sense. And then train wrecked, it wasn't an anniversary. And then I was going to, wait, we're just doing old. I was like, can we make new movies? Is this what movie theaters have come to, though? They're just putting old movies from not that long ago in the theater. Like, it's not like an old, like, 70s movie that we're having some screening of.

It seemed so strange to me. That is really weird. And it felt like a sign of the times being not good. No good. In any case, I was thinking about the place where my brother took accordion lessons and just how. And I was like, was everything shitty in the 70s? Like every store we ever went into or doctor's office or it's just everything was terrible, wasn't it? I've like bad memories of every professional building.

Yeah. And just how depressing everything was. Because everything was brown. Yeah. Everything was brown. And the sky was great. And the sky was great. We did a performance to that song.

She was in the second grade. She was in that second grade. And she had a good day. And she had a good day. So we did this performance in second grade where we, to that song, we had our, we painted shirts, white t-shirts. You paint a sun on one side. Why not just buy a shirt that already has this painted? Because it doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist. It's very new. You paint something a rainy day or a fall day. I don't know what. It was either something that represented the other part of the song. All the leaves are brown. And then we would put our arms in our shirt and turn the shirt around. which is like so crazy

You'd love to see this It sounds like a fucking mess And then there was this one little girl Who I don't know Was this a teacher's idea? I guess And this little girl

One little girls got all twisted up And I remember it was this whole thing And then that was awkward It was just like It was crazy Awkward That is incredible It was really odd

These kids fucking try to switch I know I, like, we had to, like, put our arms in and move it around. I'm like, that's silly. Why don't we just turn around? Did you have to start with your arms out? I guess. Yeah, because it would be weird.

It would be giving it away if we had our arms in. But then would you have to keep putting them back out? I don't know. But I do remember, I remember being on stage and looking out. I remember the perspective. I, like, remember a moment of that. And it was, you know, really exciting. You saw critics shaking his head.

Yeah, he went, why aren't their arms in that damn? Closes his notebook. Do you remember any other show that you did when you were in, like, elementary school or anything i remember we did a like kind of you must pay the rant i can't pay the rent type show and i think i was the villain with a big mustache or whatever yeah it was rent yeah five thousand sixty two million five thousand i'm sure i've told this we had we did lame as rob when i was in fourth and fifth graders doing lame as rob uh ma'am directed by a local college student from Northwestern

and I never knew what I was doing on stage I literally was like what like every time I'm like am I in this? Did you understand the social socioeconomic social

social I got a phone call I got to go social social they don't understand the social economic

political I'm fair I'm very tired lately I miss that I'm very tired to me What did she? Wait, I've been very busy lately. I don't know, but I'm very, no, but I was, I'm a very busy. It's not, it was, it makes

off about it, yes. I am very, I am, I am, I am being very busy lately or something. We're going to have to, let's do it again. I'm going to have to find it. I'm going to have to find it. Wish me luck. I forget what the magic phrase was. I know. The phrase that pays. What was it? I know. I won't ever know. Fuck. Fuck you. I'll never find it. Plus I'm out of Instagram time, so good luck with that. Fuck you. Did I tell you about that time I went to go see

I was six or something And I went to go see A big event at our school With like you know Where adults we come in and dress up in costumes And sing songs and all the kind of shit And they all went out into the crowd And then one of them came up to me and said

Hi Scott And then And then danced away And I was I've never You never knew how they knew I never knew how they knew my name It's terrifying Well it's one of those things like

You meet these little kids as a parent and then I see them again, I go, I'm not going to go talk to them because they don't remember me. And it's weird. I always thought it was so weird when some adult was talking to me. Yeah.

Anytime I talk to a friend's kid, I'm always just like, you're not interested in anything that I'm fucking saying right now. Yeah. I'm looking at our episode titles because I feel like it was an episode title. I think so, too.

I think so three. We'll never find it. We'll never find it. Whenever I hear of it. Traffic jail. I'm like, okay, I can't afford a paper because I have very, very, very, very paper right now. I can't afford any paper today. Can I afford any paper?

Check back tomorrow about my paper money. And then you, you have not done the, why have you not done your assignment? You're not done. Corporate lady, how to talk. Corporate lady, how to talk. Do do do do do. I don't think that necessarily will. Oh, I think, no, I think it actually, here, let me look it up.

Whoops. Corporate, although it may now direct everyone to our actual episode. Yeah. Corporate lady, how to talk, no, everything that comes up is all three-dom stuff. If this is your first episode, this is a video, why are you listening to this? Why are you starting now? Start at episode one. People say it's delightful.

Yeah. I'm not going to. I would never, but I've heard tell. I was wondering, is that report going to be due on Tuesday? Oh, great, Mr. Jones. I'll get it done for you. No problem. The record cheerleader shows three things.

Someone who's not as intelligent as she wants to appear, someone who's rushed, and someone who's exceptionally awkward. There should be no problem with this. I want to know why the reports were not done in time. I want to know where they are. This is a tense jaw clipper. I want to know where the arse person at time. Very negative.

Very negative. Well, I was going to get that report. is who is possible, but I hopefully it will be on Tuesday, okay? Oh, I'll be on Duzzi okay. Unintelligent. Someone who has no energy and someone who could not

talk. That's not, again, that's not just the way they're talking. That's the stuff she's saying. I know. Thank you. Someone who's tight-lipped is someone who is not cooperative. Someone who doesn't want to work well with others. And someone who is very negative

in the approach to communication. I was wondering if I could get to report to you, I'm maybe Monday or Tuesday because I'm going to be. very busy right now. I've been very busy right now. I'm wondering if I get to report. She should have one thing that she says across all versions.

Right, because that would be more of a way to... Yeah, but instead she's saying the stupid stuff... She's like, this makes you sound very unintelligent. It's like, well, yeah, you're saying things that make no sense. Naturally. I've been very busy right now. I've been very busy right now. I crushed my pet baby chick this morning.

I said, I couldn't do my report. I pet a rabbit to death. What's the one? when you said about there's water in my hat someone put water in my hat I can't do your report now you changed this water in my ass no I didn't I just didn't hat she said that I heard what I wanted do you know wow all right we have to take a break but you know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by, not the sun,

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365 day returns. That's QINCE.com slash freedom to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash freedom. And we're back. And it's time for a three-cher, but I don't even- You're saying it, you're saying it in a weird way, which indicates to me, you're going to ask the question again. Well, look, am I right? The issue I have is- Oh, God, not this again with you guys. You force me at gunpoint to say this word, threacher, which I didn't even know the definition of.

I happen to be pointing my gun near you. It's directly against my temple. That's pretty near you. My body. My body is my temple. You're pointing it at my elbow. My body is my temple. Okay.

Hey, John Mayer. By the way. At our wedding reception, we had a playlist that we had like several playlist. So there was like a before the reception and then during blah, blah, blah. So our like while people were waiting for us to appear magically, we were getting pictures done. Of course that went over time. Of course. And so the playlist ran out.

and so the DJ took it upon himself to play some wedding favorites and DJs Jessica Chaffin we didn't notice and then Jessica Chaffin walked up to Janie at one point as your body is a Wonderland

is playing? She said, is this one of yours? She's so funny. Then we had to go to tell the guy go to the next playlist. Yeah, yeah. By the way, wedding photographer did not take any pictures of my family.

Wow. Interesting choice. Yeah. Wow. Didn't, we didn't think about it until later. Yeah, that's their job. Yeah. Yeah.

To say like, hey, don't you want some with the, yeah. Not even don't you want some, but this is what's done at every wedding. Yeah. There's two families. Don't you want some pictures. Wedding, wedding photography is such a fucking scam. This guy insisted that we, we had to FedEx him a check before the wedding. Wow.

And then we got the pictures over a year later. What? Okay. The person you used. That's so long. And he said, you know, we feel bad about the weights. We included some extra pictures at no charge, which were just like... Not of you.

Blurry pictures. Like pictures of people's feet stuff. Well, that's a little strange. Yeah, I thought so too. There were a few footpicks in there. Yeah. Yeah, that's gross. Who took him?

Quentin Tarantino. Oh, Paul. Do you know him? Yeah, no, he's a big famous film director. That guy directs films? Yeah, like Pulp Friction and stuff like that. I hope he includes everybody's family. Every single character in those movies.

Both sides of the film. Yeah, it cuts to both sides of the house. They're filming once upon a time in Hollywood, too, in Highland Park at some old landmark. Yeah, that's weird. But it's really cool. They made the street really like 70s and, like, put up, like, old lamppost. That's cool. It was cool.

They put, um, they put like old, they took like a, you know, like, what, that's, fucking, is Tartan Tune directing it? Electricity Post. What is that called? Why can't I think what that's called? where it's just a big wooden pole, you know, in a street. That has knocked it out of my brain now. Yeah.

Like an electricity. I cannot believe this. Electric pole? That's not the word. That's not the word. There is a word. Is that a dance? Electric pole?

I know. Why? Anyway, how did you do that? I don't know, but they, they stapled old, like. Telephone pole. Yes. Jesus. Oh, my God.

Thank you. That was terrifying. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. I had no clue what I was talking about. But shouldn't they retitle them because no one uses them for a telephone? Electricity pole.

Electricity pull. But they, anyway, they like, the set deck is, of course, top notch. And they took that set decoration for you rube's out there. They put like stapled old flyers all over it and like staples and it made it look really cool and old. Like it's staples? Yeah. Cool. Anyway, it was just cool stuff.

Cool stuff. Cool stuff. There's an old theater there that, a movie theater that got shut down because of the pandemic. but I'm like, Quentin Tarantino bought a couple theaters. I'm like, buy this one, because it's cool. It needs to be redone inside. You should buy it. I'll buy it.

What is going on with the arc light? That's insane. It's insanity to me. This is all I want to life. I thought they saved it. I thought something happened at one point. It is saved. There was a rumor at one point about who was buying it.

I was like, oh, that's interesting. But then it never came to pass. Mr. H. Hughes. It's crazy to let it go away. He paid for it in piss. in airplanes and tests. If you had so much money you could just do it, it'd be so awesome.

Just do it. Just do it. You should just buy that theater. It would be fun. Okay. How much good is me? How much could it cost? Why don't we all chip in?

Yeah, let's all chip in. How much do we have to put in new seats, new machines? Wait, why do we have to put in new seats? It was like a state-of-the-art theater. The one in Highland Park. Oh, I don't care about that one. Oh, okay. We're talking about the archa.

You want to buy the archa-clay? How much could it possibly cost? a million dollars A million dollars Well judging by the fact that A piece of shit house here is a million dollars I would say No

Probably a billion Is that the Mente? Is that the Mente? Yeah Anyway guys What is a three-tur? It's a game Who likes to play it?

We do What's it also known as? Oh, Okay Is that all you wanted to know? That's all I wanted to know Oh, my God. Isn't it good?

I've judged you so harshly. I know. What are you singing? Um, this song about scrubs. It's like, it's about nurses and like the stuff they were. Got it.

Got it. And doctors. Yeah. Anyhow, doctors. Doctors, doctors. Doctors, doctors. Doctors. Doctors.

Doctors. Are you tired of all these doctors in your house? We'll get them out with just this handy spray. I thought we got rid of those. Okay. We're going to play. a three-cher called switch it and pitch it

who submitted this shit we don't know anymore we don't know we don't know it's a lost in the midst of time I actually think it was when I came up with okay you do that's a bold claim that's a hag claims it I stand by it if you were a hag

that would be your eighth claim thank God I'm not a hag I thank God every day every morning I'm not a hag Jesus I'm not a hag thank you Jesus thank you Um, okay, switch it and pitch it. We all know how this is played. One person is given, one person thinks of a TV show title.

Now it's going to be a real challenge for us not to do the ones we've used several times. Boy, that's true. That is hard. That is true. Just any title of a TV show. How about the show has to have come out in the last year. I don't even know what shows have come out in the last year. Just come up with something.

It's a fake show? Uh, yeah. Um, okay, anyway, so, uh, then the, the person pitching the show has to pitch with the opposite title of the one given. Every word has to be opposite of the, the real title. Um, and then you pitch the plot, the premise of the show based off of that title. It doesn't have to do with the original show. That's right. Yes, that is right.

So you don't have to know anything about the show. You just have to know. And then we added the theme song. Sure. And then you sing the theme song Then you sing the theme song Or someone else sings it Yeah

And is, are we doing it Where two people pitch to one person The person you came up with the original title Or are we doing it where you're pitching to two people I think it's pitching to two people You're pitching to two people, okay Okay You thought the opposite

I did but you know what? Who cares? It doesn't matter None of this matters We're all going to be dust I'll give one of you a title I'll give one of you a title Okay

who's going to pitch I'll pitch The show is called Too Much It's on Netflix Currently Created by Lena Dunham Too much

Now is that Just from Informationalally for me Is that T-O-O? Yes Good question Okay Too much

Oh hey Come on in Can we get you a Fanta Do you want to Wantta? Fanta Don't you want to Orange and blue

Sorry, guys. A coconut fell out of a tree and hit me in the head right before this meeting. Who are you? Where were you? Oh, no, James. We have that coconut tree in the lobby. Please don't call me James in front of company. Sorry, John.

Is your name not James? I don't know who you guys know. Never you mind. Okay, sorry. I don't know who either of you are. What am I doing here? Well, my name's Brenda Balloon and he's, well, he'll tell you. My name is John Jumping.

Jack. Friend of balloon and John Jumping Jack. And I know you. You're my best friends. You're my family. No, we've never met you. You're here to pitch to us. We thought you had the idea of a century. We are television executives. I play baseball? No, idiot. Oh, no. Why is this whole memory gone? You know what? Get out of here.

No. I know I'm supposed to be here. Kick rocks. Kick rocks. Kim, am I a big talented television writer and producers? Not so far. Nope. Well, look, I could come up with something. I've forgotten my real picture.

Sure, sure. You have one minute to come up with something. You have one minute. Okay. No, you've wanted to say the whole thing, not to come up with it. I'm not going to sit here for a full minute while he comes up with it. That's a good save. Yes.

You have one minute to impress us. One minute. Okay. Here's a television show I just came up with. It's called for Least. For Least. For Least is that F-O-U-R? Yeah, it is.

And Least is. L-E-A-S-E-D. Four Least. Yep. And it's all about four properties each on a corner of an intersection. And they're all across the street from each other. Jumping jacks, I'm interested. Properties are very popular right now.

Properties are so popular. A lot of people are trying to buy and live in them. I'm interested, too, balloons. Okay. Can I tell you it's not, they're not anthropomorphic. They're not houses that talk. People actually live inside these. Getting less interested.

Okay, but they can talk. They just don't talk for the first episode. Okay. They start talking in the second episode. And it's a big surprise to the characters. But that's how we hook the people to come back. They've already bought the house. They don't buy them.

They're leasing them. And we hook the people by having the houses not talking. They're leasing and they think it's a normal place. And then it starts talking and they go, oh, no, now I live here. Now I'm going to turn this off. Okay. Oh, is that about me? No, no, no.

I'm saying what the audience is going to say. This is part of your pitch? I didn't say, now we're going to turn this off. And they leaned forward and they turned a dial on its own TV. And it makes them turn the dial off on their TV. They installed a dial just in case this would ever happen. Okay. So it does get people to install dials.

Well, we've been trying to figure out how to get that because we have a partnership with dial soap. Oh, good, good, good, good. You wouldn't understand. We found a truck full of dials. I don't know what dial soap is because I have amnesia. You don't know what soap is? It's going to be one stinky, forgetful man. we'll have our assistant teach you about on the way out.

Oh, really? Yes. You want me to take a bath with them? Yes. Okay. We won't you sign this release? And you'll never tell anyone. Okay.

You're allowed to put it on threads. In any case, all these people, they live in these houses. The equivalent of not telling it. And they decide that they don't like, all of them don't like the houses that they're leasing, so they switch houses. They all go clockwise. Except for one person who heard it as counterfeit. clockwise because the sentence was hey go put this on the counterclockwise is the way we're going to go and they only heard counterclockwise and so they end up happening to lead to that

misunderstanding well someone needed to know where to put all the paperwork in order to switch the houses was this person late to the meeting where they were discussing this yeah i think they were really late they i think what happened was they got hit in the head with a coconut and they for got it. Okay. Okay. I think he's... Right way you know. Right way you know. I think his minute is used. But I am hooked. Well, do you have a theme song?

We're trying to bring back theme songs. Hold on a second. Just to sum up the premise. Sure. It's four houses that are nearby each other. They're all on a corner of the same intersection. They're all being leased by separate people. Yeah. And then these people decide to switch houses. They switch houses. In the second episode, the houses start talking.

Yeah. And then it turns it off. Okay. One person is going the wrong way. Yes. And that's where the conflict comes in in the first episode. Ah. Then the rest of the whole series, which I'm guessing is like 15 seasons probably, is all about the houses not liking that people are inside them. In the pilot, how soon do they get to the house switching?

It's probably in the last, it's probably about four hours and 55 minutes in, probably. How long is each episode? Oh, they're all like 12 hours. Wait, that's so long. That's really long. Yeah. But the dog gets. turned off, how early?

The dial, they turned it off second episode, probably 11 hours into it. They make it through the entire 12-hour episode, pilot. Yeah, you got that. And how soon into the second one? About 11 hours into the second one. The houses start talking. Wow, they go all that, they go that far. Oh, and soon as the houses start talking, in the 11th hour of the 12 hours,

yeah, they turned. Immediately turned off. Turn the dial. But you got him for 23 hours at that point. The only thing that's going to sell me on this, because I got to say, Yep. I'm very off board. Off board.

I hate this. I hate it, but if there's a theme song that's catchy enough. Well, I could be persuaded. I could be persuaded. And I'm definitely not coming up with this one. This is the one thing I remember. So it made sense with everything you already said. This is the one thing that kind of escaped my amnesia.

I knew I already wrote this song before I came in here. Okay. Yeah, here it is. For least how many one least. how many people to lease how many people three leases no that's not enough you need four hey what is this a golf course why are you saying four no no it's not spelled like that it's f o you you you thought i was going to say f you no i'm just saying f o you are four four Forlise, naughty, naughty boy.

Don't think I'm saying something that I'm not saying. Don't think it's, dis, dis, you naughty, naughty man. Come here for a spanking. What's happening? Jumping jack. Why is he taking my hand? Ow! Stop that!

Four leases! He made you spank him. Sold. Great. Great. That's how it's done. All right. We're going to do it again?

Yeah. All right. Who's who? I'll pitch. You come up with the title Okay Of the first Of a recent show

Mm-hmm All right Here's a recent show Beef Okay Anyway I said I'm not staying here One more second

But I lied I stayed there for four days Four days That's so many seconds It's so many seconds It's so many seconds and they made me count them at the end and I wet my pants. I got so scared. Oh, I'm so sorry. Why are you still wearing the pants?

I feel like they're lucky now. Do you hear that? Excuse me. Oh my gosh. Look at you. Hello. Well, hello. Hi, dear.

Hi, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? I thought I was here for my pitch. No, you are and while you were interrupting, but yes, you are here for your pitch. We don't sit here silently while we wait for people to pitch us. That would be weird. Yeah, we have conversations and then. We're not statues.

Yeah. Okay. Hello. Is your show about statues? No. What's your name, dear? My name is Namalee Namaloo. And forgive an impertinent question.

How old are you? My age, a lady never tells. I thought so. You seem young, though, or really old. I can't quite tell, Namalee. Where are you from? Are you 29 or 80? Yes.

You've been both of those? Where am I from? Where are you from, dear? Tallahassee, Florida. is where I call home. I have been all over the country. I like to go Rome. But I miss my family and I will always know

that Tallahassee, Florida is where I will be home. Yeah. Um-d-l-l-l-l-lum-d-d-lid-l-lis. I'm 49. Oh, my gosh, you answered. Wow. That's a great age. Right on your age.

So your name is Anamily. You're 49. You're from Tallahassee, Florida. I am, and I have the best idea for a show that's going to knock Netflix. A bus idea? The best idea that bust up your ass and knock your socks off. And you'll be bussing. I'd love to be bussing.

I'd love to be bussing. I busted the other day, I believe, or I was bussing. You were bussing? I was bussing, I think, the other day. So I really wanted to replicate that. What is your show, honey? I'm really looking forward to cracking up. I haven't cracked up.

Oh, my God. I really want a funny show. Should I say it's a comedy? No, I'm just telling you my wishes. Please. If wishes were dishes, we'd have a full set. of China China

China That's a great impression You should be on SNL S&L Go ahead dear This is that Mrs. Toudfire You're fucking cracking me up today I love this

This show is called Thick stack of paper Thick stack of paper Well that's the opposite of beef I've always said it thick stack of paper is the opposite of beef. If you were to bite into it, that's nothing like beef. I'm intrigued by this title. Thixed stack of paper. What could this possibly be about? Is this the MacGuffin? Is this the inciting incident?

McGuffin, remember? No. Thick stack of paper is a show about two office workers. They have a crush on each other to will, they won't they? Okay. What kind of office is it? It's a paper company. this is interesting okay i like this sounds like it could be very popular not so much at the time but twice and in many countries yeah oh great i'm glad you like it there's a bumbling boss a bibi it's good to have a b b b b b b b l that's installed in the first episode so this is sort of do we watch the procedure it's an episode of the first episode is an episode of botched where we see his bbL go awry wait the detective in los angeles

Yeah, botched legacy? Yeah. And then the first episode we see that he's getting botched and the people who have crushed on each other are just starting their first day at the paper company. Wow. And we see that, so basically at one point, 20 episodes in, there's a lion that's let loose in the paper factory.

Let loose by whom, dear? The Ringling Brothers. Those wicked brothers, Barnum and Bailey themselves? Yes. And so the people have a crush. Would you hold on one second, Emily? Are you under the oppression? I'm not, but she is not playing along.

Okay, okay. Okay. Just weren't to clear that up. I just don't want to shatter her delusions. I don't want to break her heart. Yes. Sorry, I'm about to cry. I just think I'm going through something.

What are you going through, honey? I'm going through a breakup. Oh, no. Fuel it into your writing. dear. You're right. In my show... Were you together long? Yeah, seven months. The crush...

You're 49 years old. The crush. The woman gets upset because the man breaks her heart and she takes a gun and she runs to his house and she shoots his mailbox over. And she opens the mailbox and inside were a bunch of cards from his new wife who's on vacation

and she sees these cards and she starts to put gather that his birthday's coming up and she's decided that this was the only clue as to his so she's opened up someone else's male get him a birthday card but then she gets arrested for opening mail is this oh the old elliot nest trick yeah that's right she's arrested for opening

mail and she's put in jail but she's put in with and it's all women and she's kind of like a she can't believe she kind of got put in jail because she's kind of like low key as a person she's really doing that bad is there a funny guard oh there's like funny guards and then there's like a bunch of inmates who are like funny but it's also dramatic yeah and she has sex with some of them and has like a relationship but she still likes her guy does the guard disappear after a couple of seasons and no one knows why well no the car the guard gets fired in an episode oh okay yeah so it's on screen the explanation of what happens to that guard right but yeah so a lot of

stuff like that happens and eventually she gets out and writes a book about it and it's called six stack of paper which is what we call books where i'm from what happened to tallahassee What happened to the boss with the BBL and the... Oh, he got sepsis from the surgery. He dies in the first episode. Wow. I loved that character. And the will they won't they, people?

They won't. Could we do a Juliana Margulies and maybe have her survive? Have the boss survive? Oh, the boss is a man. The boss is a man. Could he survive? Yes. After the first episode.

What do you mean do a Juliana Marguerlees? Well, she, of course, in the pilot of ER, attempted suicide and was going to die. And they thought her on-screen cam with George Clooney was so good. They brought her back. Really? That was a close one. Yeah. She almost missed out on years and years of work.

Yeah, six, in fact. Well, I just want to say thank you for this opportunity. I don't want to sell it to you. Actually, I think it's too good. What? It's kind of an idea that I think she- Does this change your mind? A frisbee?

Ow. In your face? Slowly hit my face. Please let us at least hear the theme song before you get rich somewhere else. Oh, okay. Here you go. record this. Don't worry about it.

I'm pointing my phone at you, but I'm definitely not recording. I'm not filming. Those are the thick reams of paper that are coming out. They're coming out of the prints are going into your mouth. They're going out of the prints are going into your head. They're going out of the prints are going into your bed. Thick, stacks of paper, make up a mattress. If your wife bends over, she's going to be less of a lady because she's going to get boinked in the butt.

That's what happens when you got this thick of paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper, paper. That's what happens when the paper runs out. That's what happens when the paper runs out. murder murder that's what will happen in season 20 wow wow thank you for that I can't wait till season 20

I understand you have to take this elsewhere but you have blessed us in this office today I don't want you to have this I understandable I would just acknowledge that I wouldn't want us to have it Jesus we would just fumble it I just don't want you to have this yeah I think you'd fumble the ball you're better off not leaving it with us because we would destroy it great through incompetence Thank you so much.

And I never got your names. Oh, we don't have any. No. What? We're not really here. What? We're all in your head? You're delirious.

Hey, my meth's wearing off. Daddy, Mommy. Did you do your math? Yeah. Did it wear off? Yeah. I'm mommy, by the way. I know.

I'm mommy as well. Two mommies. That's not weird. No, I know. It's normal. It's not weird, Heather. I know. My name's Nameli, Nammily, Nammily.

are you still on math and that's how we play and that's how we play switching pitch it we're going to have to go this is the end of the episode we always close it on the rule of two yep um anything to promote guys

yeah man come see varietopia Sunday September 21st lodgerum or stream it from wheresoever ye may be and Lauren you had a show and you moved? We moved the date. So check the Instagram for that because the date is moved. And it's not even, you know, we don't need to get into it. I don't know if the ticket's going to be

available now. But the show that you have been promoting. I have been talking about it a lot. Is now moving. And I have nothing ever. Cheers. We'll see you next time. We love you. We love you. Bye. You don't know me, but you know a version of my story, because by now, we've all felt the impact of senseless gun violence. I think a straight bullet flew past me because I hear the... It was that horrible feeling of dread. Something's wrong. Four years ago, my dad was killed in a mass shooting. My podcast Senseless is about moving forward after the unthinkable.

Senseless from Lemonautamedia, premiering June 17th. It's easy to feel high. helpless these days. So take a break from the bad news and hear from people who are doing good things to address big problems. We care about abortion access. We care about slowing down and reversing climate change. That's the approach we need to these long-term systemic problems. We need the fixers. Feel empowered to take action. Listen to good things from Lemonada Media, available wherever you get your podcasts.