Threedom - Crotch Too Loose

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

Paul, Lauren, and Scott discuss class schedules, gross wines, and scams before answering a listener voicemail.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's morning in New York. Oh, God. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grady. And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us. Many of you've asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original. Freedom. Freedom! You count it up. Turn it down. Jesus.

It's not freedom, wrong. Turn it down. Freedom! Turn it down. Freedom! The song was very loud. Look. Do you think anyone's ever named their cat,

Threatom, and they go outside and go, Freedom? Oh. I hope so. I hope so, too. That would be really nice. Okay. I hope not.

in the middle. I hope that nothing ever happens. We've covered the whole spectrum. I hope it does happen soon. I hope someone's names a baby freedom. And then they have to shout three times every time they go. Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. They have to whisper it.

They have to whisper it. Threatom, three, down. And then Candyman comes out. Hey, here's what I just, yeah, he's like, was that for me? You were whispering. I didn't hear. The buddy Mary shows up like, what's going on? What is it with all these mythical figures?

Beetle juice is like, Kong. Beetle juice, Bloody Mary. Mrs. Delfire. Mrs. Delfire, Mrs. Delfare, Mrs. Delfare, Mrs. Delfare, Mrs. Delfare, Mrs. Duffer, Mrs. Duffer, did somebody say pies on my teeth? They cut that part out. And I think that's very important understanding the character. He didn't have a choice.

Yeah. That's the thing, because I think the whole time, the whole time, you go, well, also three times. She's trying to send him back. She did say it three times. Yes. But she's trying to send him back. But what she doesn't really understand is that he was out of his control. This was a thing created by God or Satan himself.

Well, I think God. I mean, and that's for the user to decide. Because it made the family better. Yeah. That's for the user to decide. I've only seen this movie once, so I don't have too many opinions on it. That's not okay. What?

And honestly, within the last six years. That's sick and wrong. I've still never seen it. I forgot about that. That's fucking that. Have enough by osmosis that I feel like I could piece it all together. So what do you think happens? Like, tell us the story of this down fire via osmosis.

We've definitely done this before. No, no, we have not. Yes. We've asked Paul to... Has to say what he thinks happens. What I remember, all the things, I've said all the things that I know about Mrs. Douthfire. Uh-huh.

Here's what I think the synopsis is. Yeah, extrapolate upon. Robin Williams is a fuck-up, essentially. It's not Robin Williams. It's a Mandela. He's playing a character. Wait, who played Mrs. Delfare? I think it was Bradley Whitford.

That's why he's such a huge comedy star. Yeah. But just to just a. clarify, Robin Williams does not play himself in the movie. I know. Oh, well, then I better stop because I only like it when actors to play themselves. Yeah.

He's a bad father and husband because he's, I don't know. I know the animation thing. He fucking doesn't know how it works. He's a bad father and husband and he'll never ever be any good. He's a dope fire and he'll never ever be. He and Sally Phyllers separated?

No. Well, are they? I think they're divorced. They're divorced. Okay. That's good. I'm glad the whole idea of the marriage wasn't hanging over the whole. It's final.

Precipice of will he do Mrs. Doubtfire correctly? He's unemployable because he's such a fucking idiot. He loves to improvise on the animated shows that have already been recorded. So he needs money but also needs to spend time with his kids. He's not allowed to be near the kids for some reason. Is he not allowed to be with the? Oh, my gosh. He's not.

And this is his loophole to get time with them. Or he, I think it turns really bad. The beginning is really sad. Is that a real legal loophole? Like if you dress up as a woman, you can do whatever you want. No, no, it's based on law. If they think you're someone else. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So he... I'll go into a place where you're only supposed to buy one of something. I'll have 10 wigs. Uh-huh. A place where you're always supposed to buy one of something. Like an Adidas pop up.

Oh, sure. It's like, you can't buy a bunch and then resell these. Yeah. So he's Mrs. Outfire. He bonds with the kids. in a way he never has before. Yeah, James Bond's.

He was speaking of, of course, Pierce Brosner is there. He was Sally Field's new boyfriend, run by. Run by. And he doesn't like him. He throws a fruiting at his head. There's a fruiting at his head. Yeah. Well, he's walking.

Then he says, I'm walking here. Yeah. Hey, I'm walking here. Kind of how he says it. Then this is outfire, takes kids on a date to a point of theater. The kids are like, Like, why did you take me to this? Yeah.

Yes. This is. That missed out fire kills the present. Right. Yes. You got it right. You don't even have to see it. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's pretty much it. And the guns come out of his big fake tits. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a fem bot. I'm a fembot. I'm a fem bot. I'm a feme bot. And you know what that means.

I'm going to shoot you with these guns of mine. Oh. With my booby beans. Flopy beans. Yeah. I should have said floppy beans. I always thought it was so gross and Carrie when she was like, she called him like your something pillows.

Oh, your dirty pillows. Yeah, that was so disgusting. What a truly insane character. And I saw that too young where I was like dirty pillows. That was, Piper Loria must have been having a fucking ball playing that weirdo. Oh, that would be so fun.

You're dirty pillows. That's like disgusting as hell. It's so horrible. How about what all the girls are making fun of her for having a period? It's like, Yeah, like, what's going on? Did she bleed on her shorts or something? It was in the shower.

Did she booed on her shorts? Bleed. Oh. She'd go boo-boo on her shorts. Oh, yeah. It was in the shower and it was just they were all having a good time. They're all yelling, plug it up. That's honestly, you get teased for that.

Yeah. Is it driving your peer in the shower? Yeah, you're going to get pigs blood put on you. Yeah, that's actually justified. No. Of course, I don't believe that. Someone out there's like, that's actually really terrible. You know what?

It's not funny. to joke about that was that a fear though for in the ladies gymnasium well we didn't all shower nude together see all the guys we had to at my place and it was always it was always we had her own showers we had to shower before swimming in high school but you would I think it was like stalled we have your swimsuit on we each had our own jacuzzi now we were all supposed to be nude and it was always a thing of like okay will you have your pubic hair will you not have your pubic hair will you today depends on the day yeah exactly how you feel that's honestly

when I froze this thing before you make fun of me I don't have my pubic hair today I forgot it I was in a rush will people be judging the length the width

the depth there's something so disgusting what you're talking about this but I'm just saying this was like a big I don't remember a big reason why people

did not want to shower don't act like you didn't fantasize about this about the men wondering if they had pubs you fantasize about men wondering if they had pubs wondering

I can't look down. Your thought bubble is a man having a thought bubble. What do I remember from last time I looked down? I can't look down now. Do you know what's funny? It's like I don't remember that experience. I don't really either. Do you know what I mean?

I was old enough to remember things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's weird that that's not. I think you kind of block that. I guess because it's gradual or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember really gross. That's why it's happening.

You would always want to try to figure out your schedule. So PE was like the last thing of the day. We didn't have control over such things. You could, I remember being able to go in and switch your schedule around a little bit, like going, I guess I never, I never thought to complain to the higher ups. Year by year being able to sort of pick your schedule. But I remember I had PE first in the day one year. You smelled like a big B.O. butt plug. Well, no, then you'd have to shower.

A big B.O. butt plug. But that was, if you had it last, you could just go home. You could conceivably just go like, oh, I'm going to shower at home. You smell like B.O. Detecting something else. Sort of base note. Also, by the way, I was, my finger on it.

It's not like P.E. in seventh grade I was ever doing anything so strenuous that I had to shower, you know? But I think the natural opiator or high schooler is not great. Well, sir. We had, in grade school, we had a gym class that was just like the glorified reissus. Yeah. Rees's pieces. It was glorified reises. Pieces.

Um, where we would sometimes do calisces. Stenics maybe or something, jumping jacks, you know? Right. And then in my high school, there was not a P.E. program. Really? Yeah, there was a sports program, but not a P.E. program. I did racquetball and I did scuba diving. Racket. Bluh. At the same time?

Yeah, I created a new sport. That's wild. I love to see it. I must have been taking a lot of arm strength. Do you any game videos? But those, I think I did racquetball first and then scuba diving and then in 10th grade, you didn't have to take P.E. anymore but those were my two you could choose what you were going to do every day racquetball before scuba diving now you're thriving scuba diving before racquetball this is more like a hackettball

there's your downfall there's your downfall hmm scuba diving for ragged ball we did some scuba diving in our school pool we definitely talked about this yeah yeah it's still wild to me it's absurd. We had the tanks on and we were like going down down downtown. We're going down down. But it's not about physical fitness at this point. It's just like a thing you can learn that survival that you, and we had to pay extra for it, I remember. We didn't. Oh, really? Yeah. You didn't have to pay extra for it. It was just part of the swimming course. It was grottis. Meaning everyone had to take it? It was an elective where I was. No, we all had to take swimming, which, because I know I had to because it was my nightmare. Whoa. And I had to do it. And of course,

as I famously told on the show, I jumped off the diving board on the first day without knowing how to swim and never done that before. And it was fine. And I passed. Good for you. Just, you know, I'm concerned about that too. Of course. I don't think that kids, high school, you should never have to change your clothes for any reason. Yeah. There's especially not around adults. There should be adults that are watching over you do a physical activity. What is the point of PE anyway? Like, go ahead and sign up for sports. So Russia doesn't win. Yeah. I remember I had this watch that I had the glory. I thought, I got this watch as my eighth grade graduation gift for my parents, you know, probably was like an $80 watch. Probably. It was silver, I'd say so. It was cool. Yeah, that sounds like.

That sounds like $82.99. You know, it does. Honestly, yeah. Like Macy's or something. And I liked it a lot. And I, in high school, I would wear it. And then I put it, I hung it up in my gym locker. I remember for a gym class.

Uh-oh. And then I, I didn't take it out of there for weeks. Every day I would see it hanging in there and I just closed a lot. I don't know. I just didn't know. Because you know your kid. I don't know. I just was just doing that.

And then one day it was gone. And I honestly was just like, and I deserve that. Do you know who did it? Yeah. But I just feel like someone just swiped it while I was doing something. It was somebody who's the jigsaw of watches. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't appreciate this watch. Yeah. I'm taking you from you. I think that's true. I think I didn't appreciate it enough because I just let it hang there for a week's in. Did you tell your parents? Watchers are precious. No, I just went and I deserve that, honestly.

And they never asked about the watch ever again Of like, hey, where that what? And you remember that expensive watch? That was like about 80. Your mother sold her hair. No, but the other day I was, I had a random memory of... It's a callback. It's a callback.

I know, but... I know. I had a random memory about taking stuff to school. You had a ram? Breaking it. Stuff that was like my mom's or like something that delicate that I would bring to school and like a figurine or something and that it would break, you know. And I took...

Why do figurines always break? I know. And I took the... These gold crown-shaped earrings from my mom's drawer, and I took him to school. Oh, fuck. And I don't think they ever made it home. They had little jewels on them. And I don't think they were actually fancy, but they looked amazing to me.

And I wanted to carry them around. You just took them to school, just carry them. Yeah. I don't even know if I was showing them off or anything. And then I told my mom the other day about that. And she was like, I was just wondering where those were. Just? Yeah.

But they made it back home. She deserved that as well. The earrings made them back home, right? No, no. They're long gone. And I... You're a jewelry thief at the school. And I said, well, that was a different school, but I probably just...

Same one following you around. I think I just dropped them. You know what I mean? But my mom... I was like, you were just thinking about those. And I was like, I hope they weren't expensive. And she was like, no. And then I was like, she's like, but you loved them.

So that's good. Oh, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah. I like that. I know. Yeah. It's sweet. What a sweet.

Holly really likes to take things home from school and bring things to school. Both ways. There's like a clothesline. Some things where it's so and so gave me this. I've definitely used that one as a kid a lot. Yeah, sure. Trying to make sure that gets back to its rightful owner. There's a clothesline at our school where people are supposed to hang up stuff that ends up with your kids and vice versa.

Because it's happened with us where like suddenly we look in her backpack and there's something that doesn't belong to us. Yeah. String it up. Yep. That's a great solution because you just anonymously get to return. What are the things that she might bring home from school? Like, here's a few of the things. A lovy.

A Pokemon watch. A coin purse that was very tattered. Pokemon go to the one. And these are from other kids. Yeah. Like I think she's swiping them. And then I have to be like, we don't bring things home. And she'll say, so-and-so gave it to me.

But I'm like, I don't believe you this is a cool thing. Why would they give it to you? Why do kids lie? Like, where do they learn? this. I guess Adam and Eve. It's a natural tendency or like, you know, boundary testing or like learning thing. I think it just is a survival instinct. I told you about the clock that we've been using that turns green when she's allowed to. Yes. And so for a week, we were looking at her on, live on the camera, getting up before it was green and turning on her lights and turning off her

sound machine. We would come in and say like, the minute we would walk in, she would say, it was green and we'd say no no honey it was yellow we saw you when it was yellow she would say it was green and yellow at the same time and we're like okay that's not possible honestly it's good shit though but like yeah the natural inclination just we're not coming in hot or angry or anything we're just saying like hey please just the surveillance state yeah I just watched you the whole time yeah it's okay if the government spies are and you if they're not angry but the first instinct lie and say like it was green and I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah.

I know it's really funny. It's just a shortcut. It's like how can I end this fucking exchange? It was green. What are you guys doing here? I stole a pack of mambas from like from osco which was CVS. What are mambas? It's a candy. So mambas are. We've had them in this room.

It's a tropical. Yes, you have. Tropical candy. They come in packs so it's basically like starburst but they're smaller and they're in packs of like four so there's like there's like basically three different flavors. and they're kind of hard and there's like three flavors in a pack and then you unwrap and there's like one pack two packs

three packs and they're each a different flavor four cubes of the same flavor There's only one two pack Mm-hmm hmm What? And he's a hologram And they're chewy And they're chewy and I stole them from the store

And they're clingy And I remember doing it And I remember hiding them in my basket of stuffed animals and eating them slowly Smart Yeah Smart And it was great

Yeah Did you ever steal anything And your parents see it And they say where did that come from and then you have to like figure out a cover story. I think it happened with that because I remember saying that this kid from my preschool who I ran into gave it to me. I think I got away with all my

stealing. Really? I remember being like as an adult realizing oh my mom knew I was taking that money out of her purse. Oh. Right. Because how else? You don't have like fucking I know I've talked about this before but money just disappear from your wallet and like what happened about money? Yeah. Huh.

Oh, who are the suspects? My husband? I thought I had a $10. Bill in there. I guess I was wrong. What would you do with the $10? I don't know. I might have that kind of thought. I might not realize my money was stolen immediately. I might go, oh, I thought I had a five. Did I spend it? I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't pay attention to it. But I do, there was like a penny jar, I remember that my parents had. And I wrote all they could afford. It cost one penny. It held one penny. No, there was a big penny jar. And I remember

scooping pennies out of it to try to get like even one dollar worth of gas occasionally Oh my god When pennies Back when a gallon was like one dollar Wow And yeah just like scooping out pennies

And then being caught at one point Saying like hey Have you been taking pennies out of the penny jar? Why can't you take pennies out of the penny jar? My aunt had a big jar Are they supposed to just remain there as for the decoration? I don't know it was their penny jar in their closet Was it for the fucking charge?

church probably my aunt had a big coin bucket it was like a it was like a big plastic barrel shaped thing that would be like would have come with like a million pretzels in it or something at one point and she was full of good coins like a charles chips yeah yeah good coins so not just we're talking silvers yeah these are good coins and we would get to put grab a fistful as like a treat that's exciting and then once our hands got too big we couldn't do it anymore did you have like a hand chart like it's pretty much like okay you're getting too much now she's right that's fun it was really fun that's really that's really I'm pretty sure my mom for my birthday recently sent me a $20 bill and I was like okay we've crossed the Rubicon into now you're an old

person that's crazy I have a mortgage I know although I put it towards it I mean I'll take the 20 I'll take that 20 well what do we laugh at forget. I would love somebody to send me $20. If I got a call on $20, I'll spend that one. It's so fast. So, now, again, it's Christmas time over here. It's Christmas time. We have to talk about this. Yeah. So every year. It's not Christmas. I mean, it's, it's, technically it's Thanksgiving today.

But it's coming. For the listener, for the listener. It's coming. It is coming. This is the goose is getting fat. This is maybe the part that I always wonder about within. So on when we do comedy bang bang holiday special you give everybody a bag of sweet treats which I think culop must put together right you put them together no you're wrong on both kids neither of us your assistant puts them together the baker puts them together

the baker puts them okay now Jim Baker that are in here I always wonder about these because I will say he takes time out of his busy schedule in hell he's still no he's dead right I think he didn't he was the Tammy Fay guy yeah Jim Baker

oh no he didn't die recently I think it's like, um, she's been single for a long time. 80% great stuff in there. Single. 80% great stuff. 80% great stuff. Here's where I draw the line. Yeah.

These little bottles, little bottle shaped chocolates with an alcohol flavor inside them. It's not even alcohol. Yeah. And I just can't imagine who the fuck wants this. They're truly repulsive. It's like, Jim Baker's still alive. I'm going to bite this. What?

So, Scott, 85, yeah. Is the idea that I bite the top off and then drink it and then eat the chocolate. chocolate or I'm just supposed to bite it and let it gush in my mouth like a fucking gross ass alcoholic gusher yeah yeah it's like I got a goo in there yeah it's like it's got the it's got the whatever flavor alcohol it is in there southern comfort galliano the famous grouse I actually don't think it's alcoholic I think it's no it's just the flavor of what's Matt Matt to Salem oh my God Matt to Salem Matt two Salem Matt two Salem Matt too Salem Matt too Salem

You're like regarding Henry Trying to learn out of re- May I see Matusel? I don't know what that is Yeah, I think you bite the top off And then you drink the flavor down Do one, Paul Do it, do it, do it

I'll do a famous grouse What the hell's that? I think it's like a scotch Jim Baker's still alive Tammy Fay Baker I believe she's no longer with us Is that right? No, she's yeah

No, she's no longer with it. She died in 2007. Good. So she hasn't seen all the biopics? She never got to see the biopic about herself. That made her seem like she was a great person. Yeah. I didn't see it.

I just liked the makeup. All right, let's see. Okay, didn't get to the liquid yet. Bit off the top. A bit off the neck of the ball. Bit off the neck, but unfortunately, you haven't gotten to the hollow part yet. Chocolate's not good. Oh, I got duped online.

I'll tell you about it. Oh. It's pretty liquidy. Yeah, that was not cool. Well, liquid is liquid. It tastes boozy. Okay. So someone might like that.

But it's disgusting. Yeah. It's not, I got this wine. I'm so sorry. I said 90% good. I got this wine one time from Trader Joe's that was billed as a chocolate lover's wine. Yeah. And I thought that like that would pair with chocolate.

It would pair with chocolate. No, chocolate flavored red wine. Gross. It was one of the most disgusting things. I taste in the gross. So the grossest wine the other night. Where? At a restaurant, I love.

Right down, the Freedom Gang talks about gross wines. Okay. Lauren does the descriptions. We're always trying to remember what we talked about. No, it's very helpful to do it while we're going. What are the gross wines that you, what gross wines are? It was, so it was a restaurant I love that I won't say because I don't want to, you know, blow up my spot. Because they're otherwise a great restaurant.

Yes. And also, you don't want a bunch of people coming there looking for you. No. Let me eat in peace. Like standing over you. For once. For once in my life. But the one.

Does Gigi and Holly ever pretend to be like paparazzi photographers and photographing you? I make them do that every day. Yeah. I make them do it. Because I just want them to learn, learn, Lauren, Lauren, Loan, Loan, Loan, Loan, Loan. Over heel. The wine. They, so I was going to, the line.

I was going to have steak. I hate that. sucks. Why do you hate Spill the wine? What's that? Spill the wine. Kiss that girl. That's what he's saying. Spill the wine. I've never known that. What did you think they might? Hugh Massacella's grazing in the grass. I'd have to hear it, you know, but... Spir the wine. Spir de why I thought. He does some dumb little story over the music. I don't like the music. Everything about that song, I really hate. It sounds too much like Oye Komovad, right?

I'd rather hear Oya Komovovov for the rest of my life, then here, you graze on the grass even one more time. Wow, that's a crazy suggestion. Do you want to tell us about this wine after the break? Okay. Oh, my God, fun teas. This is going to be great. We're going to hear about a gross wine.

And I'll tell you about when I got duped. Oh, yes. We've got to hear about these. Okay, we'll be right back. Here's a little peek behind the curtain. Yeah. We have been thinking for a while about starting a podcast before we actually did. About probably five minutes before we started it.

Yeah. We thought about it. Every time we thought about it in that five minutes, it just seemed so daunting. Yeah. Finally, one day, we decided to look up the word daunting, stop putting it off. It didn't mean what we thought it was what it meant, by the way. I thought it was related to haunting because of the aunt. Because we were like, are there ghosts in podcasts?

Yeah. And we didn't know what it was. Anyway, we found out like you wouldn't be hesitant. Yeah. If you thought there was a ghost in a podcast, you wouldn't do one either. So we shook that off and we decided to turn our dreams into reality. Yeah. And given the odds, Scott.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I think he said given the odds. No, given the odds. But you want me to give them the odds. Scott, maybe, give them those odds. All right. Well, odds are many of you have felt that same way about starting your own business, right?

You've tossed, you've turned, you've had sleepless nights, you've just been thinking about all of these possibilities. Really sleep for your partner? You keep asking yourself, what if, what if it doesn't work out? What if someone else beats me to it? Well, take it from me. time to stop thinking about what if and start doing. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to use Shopify. Shopify's point of sale system works like a unified command center for your retail business. By your command. Thank you, Silon, bringing your online and in-store operations

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That is Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash Freedom. Free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash freedom. Paul, I'm sorry. I coughed, but it's non-bacterial, but I went to a doctor and they stuck a camera down my nose into my throat the other day. And it was... Down your nose. Yep. And it was...

I would think up your nose, then over, then down. Probably that was the path. I was not looking. And then he tried to show me the picture of it. He tried to show me the footage. That's interesting to me. And I kept looking away because I was just like, I don't want to see that. But he's like, oh, no, no, no, look, look, look.

Just showing me. What's going on in there? Wait, while it was happening? No, no, no, afterwards. What's wrong in your throat or nose? This is making me sick to even look at it. I don't know. I've been coughing for a while.

After I had my colonoscopy, they sent me home with like a beautiful collection of photos. Of your bottle. Yeah. Like, thank you? You should have made one really, really big and just call it a black hole and put on your wall. what do you think they're taking pictures your actual asshole just like

the outside where they shaved it gross so anyway the wine yes spill the wine details no it's not interesting at all but that's the show that we produce I was

and I have a steak and I asked which wine is best with the steak My friend was also having a steak. And so the kind server said that this one wine was the best for that. You want something bold, like a kianti with bold flavors. And then there was another option that my friend was curious about. And she said, well, can I still just try this one? And she goes, well, it's kind of, you know, she's like, it's a little bit intense.

Like people don't always like it. But I wouldn't pair it with the steak. But she was like, you could try it. So she brings it over. It was as if I had the first shot of alcohol I've ever had in my life. My whole head was like, it was so gross. And they only have like three reds on the menu. And it was like, that's one of the options.

She's like, it's very polarizing. People either love it or hate it. I don't know why you want to have something by the glass that's polarizing. It was crazy. Yeah, that's strange. I'm glad she warned you. It was like, I don't like that. Yeah.

I know that kind of. Do you not like any carbonated wines? No, not really. I like some. I really don't. I don't really like orange wine. And I feel like everyone got really into that like last year. a couple years ago.

And it was very... It was very trendy feeling. Mm-hmm. I just feel like spill the wine. Kiss that girl. Yeah. Do you remember Rhodes Day all day? Yeah, that was too much.

All day? I mean, all day? Every day? Like, let's ease it back a little bit. Whoa, whoa. They never said every day. Oh, I was doing it wrong. Once you have a home decor that says it.

But they also say, they don't say when to stop. They don't. They say all day. Well, I think there's an asterisk. And at the bottom, it's like, until time. It's like feeding the gremlins. When does it stop being after midnight? Right.

That's a great question. So if you stay up all day and all night, I guess maybe when the sun goes down? Because it's all day. When the sun goes down and you're draping and you like that song? I hate that. Are you kidding me? Keep going. That song fucking sucks.

Keep going. I make it about gremlins. When the sun goes down and the gremlins get up. Perfect. I can't approve of that. You could add a second line. All right. Do you want to hear how I got scanned?

Before it gets night, that's when they can sup. Nice. Before it gets night. Sup is such a word that's used simply to make a rhyme happen. No one's ever saying. It's a greeting. That is sup. Sup, that's true.

So I got swindled by the internet. Oh, because the internet? Yeah. Flim flammed? No. So it was pretty crazy because it's something that I really would have warned anyone else not to do. It's one of those things where you're like that. fucking fake or whatever.

So last year I really wanted to get this Advent calendar for Holly that was the theme of squish mellows, which are these little squishy stuff downals, but they're a miniature version. Yes. And at the time, it was all sold out. And I remember I, and this is what's also crazy because I remember I was looking up, looking for one on different websites and then found like these were not what they said. So I didn't order it last year. And then this year, I got an Instagram ad that looked like it was from the company.

and it was like they were on sale and I went oh I was going to get them right now because I know they're so it was an Instagram like poster at a story that bad that popped up and then I clicked it I never even do that anyway and then I was like oh but I need those and they're on sale oh perfect and it was like all looked like very legit the website looked like the real website like what I would assume the real website looks like I ordered two because I was like oh it's a good deal I'll get one for each kid then they're taking forever to come and I keep checking when they're coming and then I'm seeing it just says like China like generally and I'm like this is this is probably not going to be what I want then maybe they're never going to come

they finally did come and I said to Mike like there should be a package like I'm looking and it's like it's a big thing it's big each one will be very big he's like oh yeah that came and then I see the package inside it it's like a quarter of the size that it should be oh so it's another one where you got duped and it's smaller and it's so small and and then I opened one up just to see what the fuck isn't it because it was hard they were shaped it's supposed to be squishy stuffed animals and it was making these rattling noises and they opened up in this like it's like little plastic figurines approximating what one of those might look like my question it was like fucking bullshit i'm like i can't give this to my kids first of all it's choking hazard they're

like all tiny little pebbles they're trash i was so offended so my question is is why do they bother to send you anything at all exactly why are you making it and then they made the box like it doesn't it's like a generic box and then also i realized halfway i was being scammed because i went to look at the that it was from, and it was a Gmail. It was micro mallows at Gmail. No, micro mallows doesn't fuck with Gmail. They got their own domain. Is it if they send you something that they can't be sued because they're like,

look, we sent the thing that they order. That's probably what it is. But it's such a hassle to make the product. I will. Over how much did you spend on these? Probably 40 bucks. But each calendar is typically $65. So I went, oh, I'm going to get two for 40.

This is great. deal of course and now I just threw $40 to my asshole yeah the greatest one I ever saw and I'm sure you've seen this I forget who it happened to the grade somebody ordered a a welcome mat oh that was the best one yes it was Emily heller right in Peli and was sent a Emily and Paris sent a printout of a picture the same picture from the website that was ordered from of a welcome of a welcome it was just a printout of it printed astro turf like in an and an envelope. It was supposed to be an astro-turf.

This is what you ordered. Welcome, Matt. And it was just a picture of AstroTurf. This looks exactly like what's on our website. It was crazy. It's crazy. Then, of course, my huge squishy seal that I ordered in the pandemic. And it arrived and it was like a hard carnival piece of trash.

Oh, that's right. That's right. I was so sad. It was funny, though. I haven't been scammed in a while. The last scam I had was that I was trying to track down this baseball hat, Philly's hat and order from this. site and then a design or one that a specific one that was worn by someone no no it was not it was

that bad it was a specific design that was out of print or whatever and uh like it took so long it was like did i get scam by these people and i looked it up it's always like once it's taking too long you start to question yeah and so i looked it up and they were like this place is probably a scam then this the website sent me a follow-up email like your stuff is it's not been shipped out yet. This is like years ago. It's like, why did you bother sending the follow-up email? Just about even more time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Scamming, I think scamming is one of the most insane. We're in a real bad time of scams now. Yes. But like, the idea of scamming as your whole business is so crazy. Yeah. All of it, like the phone call scamming, all of it. It's just like, that's just a crazy option for ways to make money.

It's wild. But it works so well. That's why. Yeah. It wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't a success. Look, they got me and I'm really smart. But do you, do you, this is, I've, I've heard something about the young, the young generation of people.

There's actually hope for the future. Sometimes you go like, oh my guys, it's just going to get crazier and crazier. But the young generation of people are so inured with these types of scams and AI that they are, they are going to reject the internet. entirely and just be like and just be like it's all it's all like it's all it's all it's all everything is fake it's all it's gone to it's gonna get so messy that it's just gonna be trash I mean it basically is we're already at this point now with people sending videos and then someone's like that's AI you know what I'm really hating right

now is chat GPT caption or not captions um or yeah it's like the caption on a photo where it's like it'll be like I saw this one that was like a video of Ethan Hawk talking about like art or something And I didn't even listen to what he said. I was just reading the caption first. And I got so annoyed because it's so obviously fake where it's like this really flowery writing, but it's all very generic still and very like, they all sound the same. Like, Ethan Hawke spoke about his love of art.

One of the most viral clips that was ever to be made. This clip resonated with people because it showed that you can be someone who appreciates art and everything there is in the world. Was it actually Ethan Hawk or was it in AI Ethan Hawk as well? I think that it was really him. but it was just like this overly dramatic caption that was like four paragraphs where like just be like Ethan Hawke on whatever the topic. That's all you need to.

It's all you need. You are all smart enough to write that. Like stop using chat to me to write this fucking shit. It's so mind-eming to read it that it makes me feel like sick. It's so. Everything is awful now. It's so fucking bad. Shut it down.

Shut it down. Yeah, I mean, Google search. searches, Amazon searches, like everything is terrible these days. Oh, Amazon searches are still great. Oh, that's right. Oh, the stuff they make is what's so great. Yeah. I had another one where it's like, I wanted to send something back.

And they were like, well, we're fun. You just keep it. Oh, I got some crazy one. Like, how dare you? I guess I got scammed again. Mike was scammed on this one. I like to think that you got, you get scammed every day. At least one.

I just don't know. These are the ones I've caught. Every day. Mike, this was on Mike, but we need a new ink for our new printer. And so he, like, we have already. Another scam, printers. Yeah. And so he got, he goes, finally he just orders it on Amazon.

And then it gets there. And then I go to put it in. And the printer itself says this is counterfeit or used ink. Like it knew. What? And then when I compared the box, it was so obviously a ripoff. I didn't notice initially, but it was so fake. And then I opened up the instructions within the box and it said,

your printer might say this is. counterfeit or used press okay press this press that and I'm like no what the why are you making something that is going to have to be yeah I returned it and also it was more expensive than ink typically costs we thought he buy it on on Amazon but yeah no but I'm saying like he thought it was $100 for the ink so stupid then I went on on the fucking actual HP website and it was half that for two cartridges like it was just I love the idea of a ink cartridge being counterfeit. I know. And the printer knowing. I was like, how do you know

this? Look, your printer's probably going to say this is right. Don't listen to the printer. Just press okay. It'll work. proprietary thing? Nodules? Nodules. Probably. But in the actual printer that the company who's making, and it might

have actually worked. Yeah. But they don't have whatever proprietary thing that fits into that one thing or something like that because the printer company wants you to buy only their in. And that's fine. I'm fine with buying the one that they want me to buy. Sure, because it's half the price.

Yeah. I think so. It's like, yeah, I'm going to pick that one. It's made for it and it's cheaper. Yeah, I think I'm going to go with that one. Yeah, I think I'm going to go with the HP. So everyone should just stop buying stuff, right? Yeah.

Like, what's good to buy? Food? I think one of the, it is scary with shopping online where you'll just be like, well, I wouldn't have been able to spend $300 right now if I had to go to the store to do that. Yes. And yet I just did that. Yes. Laying here past the way.

Yeah. Because I can go to 80 stores in five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. I love all the stuff I get. I love all the stuff you get. I love the scams.

Slams and flams. Yeah. I love it all. God bless the scams. God bless you. It's part of life. Yeah. Father God, please bless our scams.

Then I saw this Instagram thing that was like all the, all your returns go here. And it's like this warehouse full of trash that everyone's returned from all different stores. It doesn't go back to the store. Yeah. I find that very confusing. Do you know what I hate is when they say all your base are belong to us. I hate when they say that. Yeah. Yeah. It stresses me out. I had one like you though, Paul, uh, yesterday where they said like by the way, if this comes, keep it or like, you know, like I said, hey, I don't want this. Is it if it comes, just keep it. No, it's trash. We sold you trash. You'll have that. You'll have that. experience.

You can have your money back and keep the trash. My friend recently had an experience where they fought her like for so long about something like make it work, make it work. It was like a table that was like shitty. And it was like Amazon being like, no, please keep trying to put it together better. We'll send you. We'll send you another one you can put together. Please put them all together.

I don't want it. And there was like a month of communication. I tried to return a pair of pants because they didn't fit crotch wise. Yeah. Too loose. And you know, they make you. like reasons why yeah crotch too loose how often when you return pants if it said that it's the only place where it doesn't fit I'm sliding down that I'm swimming in the in the

crotch the title and so you know it's like it didn't it didn't fit okay well how did it not fit it was too too small they're asking you got much usually Amazon is just like And then you don't have to even say a reason. Oh, man. But this, now it's like, uh, you have to say, why didn't it fit? Specific reason. Why, why are you returning it? Specific reason under that reason.

And then anything else to tell us about this? Yeah. I guess I feel like I've covered. I hated the material. So I submit it for the return. And then, uh, they're like, we'll, we'll send you a, uh, a mailing label so you can send it back. Hmm. A couple weeks go by.

and I get an email directly from this you know it's like one of those comes from Amazon directly the seller has a question for you it's like what tell us why you're returning these what how many reasons could there be I don't want it yeah period crotch too loose what about crotch do you not understand spit it through your thick skull crotch do lose psychotic psychotic psychotic But that said

Hack Claims 8 is not psychotic And it's one of the only businesses out there That's actually real And you won't You're not gonna be able to return anything Because you're not Especially not gonna want to The holiday season

Honestly your one stop shop Is hag claims 8.com Get everything for your friends and family At hagclaims8.com Well you want the phone You want the leave us a voicemail You want the novelty dictionary Where you can put

somebody's picture in there who's under the word stupid or asshole yeah whatever yeah um it costs more if you want it to be something nice yeah yeah we're not really interested in that but if you if you demand if you want to say like your your picture should be under generous in the dictionary well then you're going to have to pay out the nose for that but if you want it under a word like asshole and then you keep putting in like more vulgar more vulgar more vulgar yeah that we get upsold you could just keep pressing more vulgar more vulgar there's a more vulgar it's $15 every time you press it. I'm warning you now because you're going to start clicking. But it's worth it.

Yeah. It's like $15 worth a $1.00 should be enough. But if it's not... Well, because it becomes a multi-hyphenate, you know, situation. It's like there's not a word that much more vulgar than that. Well, you'd be surprised. String words together. You'd be sure. Exactly. Yeah, that's the thing about curse words.

They're not making any new ones normally. Yeah. I mean, well, I've thought we... I think we can't come up with some. I really hate... It's like in... in TV writing where somebody combined curse words

or whatever they try to make a new like some tough character like what like hey you fuck knuckle or whatever yeah but I thought

if somebody said that to me would laugh in the fucking face wait I want more of that I thought on reservation dog's shit ass was I'd never heard that maybe it's one that's more common shit ass I think is an old

it's actually the first time it heard it fell on them my ears, I was like, oh, are they just trying to combine two curse words into a new thing? But it, I became, and then they used it in the lowdown as well. I got to watch that. Yeah. Pecker lips. Oh.

Are those lips that look like peckers or kiss peckers? Don't ask me. Don't ask me. You know what I'm loving? Yeah. McDonald's? Oh, interesting. Pluribus. Yeah. Pluribus is great. Really good. I, now see, of course, I've never watched Breaking Bad. Me too. I've never watched Breaking Bad and I've never watched Better Call.

Very different show. I know. I'm not available for the whole show. Yeah. From one episode. I can't. But I really like this show. Yeah.

And Reyes Seahorn is really great. It's a really great role. Oh, I'm sorry? Ray Sehorn. I didn't know. Yeah. And it's a great role. Yes.

She's really a terrific actor. She is. Yeah. I'm very impressed and it's very fun to watch it unfold. I got to do a pandemic play with her. I got to do a pandemic. That was awesome. when we got to do that. Mine was like 2020 through

2022. Yeah, some people. This is kind of when I did the play. Oh, cool. It was that we did like a reading of this two-hander that was written by Bill Corbett. And it was very fun. Cool. Yeah. It was a really neat experience. And it was called pluribus.

Wait a minute. And then it was this. And then that part was cut out. And then they said, what if not him? Yeah. All right. What if no man? Speaking of. It was done again with somebody else. that I found it hard not to take that personally. Did another live reading?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was like, did I suck that bad? Yeah. I bet you suck just enough. Thank you. That's all I needed to hear. Let's take a break.

Yeah. Well, hi, everybody. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser than Me podcast. And I'm not going to talk about food waste. this time. I'm going to talk about food resources. All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or feeding our chickens because it's still food. And the easiest and frankly, way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the mill food recycler. It looks like an art house garbage can. You can just toss your scraps in it like a

a garbage can, but it is definitely not a garbage can. I mean, it's true. I'm pretty obsessed with this thing. I even invested in this thing. But I'm not alone. Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks. But the clincher is that you can depend on it for years. Mill is a serious machine. Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster. It's built by hand in North America, and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone. But you have to kind of live with Mill to understand all the love. That's why they offer a risk-free trial. Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer. A better help ad. Life can get a little tough and even hectic during the

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We're back. And hey, we were talking about Claims 8 earlier. Oh, right, yes. This is ringing a bell, yes. Yes. And there were some very bright. brave souls who traversed the internet and found their way to hagclaims8.com. It's not hard to get to, but you have to want it.

You also have to put in the right combination of letters. Well, and it's trickier than it sounds. Yeah, the eight is number, the number eight. And then what happens, Scott? Please continue this fascinating tale. There were some people who made their way over there and they pressed the right combination of buttons in order to leave us voicemails. And I love this.

I thought maybe we'd listen to some. What? That sounds great. I would love to do that. Thank you for suggesting that. It's my pleasure. It's cool. All right.

Let's hear this one. It's cool. It's cool. Hi, Freedom. It's Aaron from Portland, Oregon. Hi, Aaron. Last night I had a dream that Lauren was my anatomy teacher. And I never know if you should tell people that they were in your dreams.

I like it. I like it, too. I'm my best friends. So I thought I would tell you. Anyway, my question is, would you rather give up bread forever or cheese forever? Love you all so much. Wow. Bread or cheese?

Two tough things to give up. That's really hard. Do you know what? My first instinct is I'd rather give up cheese than bread. Let's talk about it. What are you afraid of losing? Here's the thing. I love cheese and bread and together I love them.

Yeah. but bread i feel like i honestly would probably get more use out of it than cheese i yeah because the sandwiches are out the window i would miss it yeah i would miss it yeah like a lot of times i'd be eating something with bread and think who's cheese was here yeah i agree i mean bread so i would have sandwiches i would have toast i would have yeah i mean i think pizza i almost count as bread but then there's no cheese, but you can still put other stuff on it. You can put it on it on it. What about vegan cheese?

Ugh. There's some good stuff. I feel like you'd have to give up all cheese, even vegan cheese, wouldn't you? Probably. Anything with cheese in it. Yeah. She's whiz. Anything with cheese in the word, yeah.

Cheese in the word. Cheese is the word. Cheese is the word. It's the thing that you gave up forever. Back when you could have like a long cartoon opening a movie. Oh my God. Like 15 minutes long. Honey I Shrunk the Kids has that too.

You're like 15 minute cartoon at the top? Pink Panther. I think we just watched some mannequin. Oh, that's right. Manican. Camel of trouble. That's, uh, that episode isn't out yet. So, anyway.

I guess that didn't happen. Yeah. Anyway, but, um, uh, I feel like I gave up cheese for like a year at one point. Did you really? Yeah. It's probably really good for you. Probably. Because I was like, you know what?

Got a, got a, got a, got a, got a, got a, rain in this weight a little bit. And I actually ended up losing a good amount of weight. Even though I was still going to fast food places, I would say like no cheese. No cheese, please. And it seems like giving up bread would make you lose more weight, but it would make me horny, baby. Cheese make me horny, baby. Cheese make me horny, baby.

But man, when I don't have. Cheese make me. I really just wanted to do it. When I don't have bread for a long time, I really, really crave it. Whereas I don't think the opposite. It's it for cheese. I don't really, I don't think I've ever really pulled back on either.

It probably should. Yeah, but it's fun. I'm not here to judge anything about you. How about you get a Chinese? You get a cheese plate, a cheese board. Yeah. You get some cheese on there. You get some grapes,

some honey. It's always the best. Some nut. That's always some marcona almonds. And you get some bread, you know? Get some crusty bread. That's the best. So nice.

I love it. I love that for dinner. I love that. When you just go, let's just say, fuck it. Yeah. I have a cheese plate. The original girl dinner.

Yeah. Pair it with a polarizing line. Girl math. I didn't eat all day and I'm having cheese board. Boy math, destroy. Boy math, video games. World domination. I have heard this in killing spree.

Listeners, please feel free to tell us that we're wrong on this or that I'm wrong. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm worried that our listeners are afraid to tell us when we're wrong about things. Yeah. No, so please, feel free. Have the bravery to contact us. No, you have, of course, you have every right. But there was a certain time where, like, we were trying to get Emmy, like, oh, no, for a snack, have fruit or whatever.

Oh, no. Like, because she just wants crackers. Crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers. Crackers are great. All the time. And crunchies. And crunchies, she loves crunchies. But then one of the other parents was like, you know, I used to be concerned about that.

but then I read that these kids just basically subsist on carbs. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. And she's healthy and is not. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I was just like, you know what? I have all the crackers you want.

So now she gets up in the morning and it feels weird because she's like, I want crackers. I'm like, have at it. A big bowl of crackers. Yeah, it feels weird to do. But it's just like, you know, and my parents never would have let me. Yeah. What do you think? No, I think, yes, I'm very lenient with a lot of the food stuff.

And I just go, as long as you're ingesting food, you have energy, you're pooping every day. I'm kind of like, we're good, you know. I try to get some good stuff in there. But it's hard. The older they get, too, the more they're just like, no. There was also that. I don't want to scream and cry about eating a piece of broccoli or something. Yeah, that cookbook about like, didn't Jerry Sintyel's wife do about, like, sneaking broccoli?

Did she, like, plagiarized from somebody else or something? you know, like sneaking broccoli into foods they love. And first of all, Emmy's too smart for that. She always goes like, what's this? It's like a dog with a pill and their food. It's like a dog with a pill. It's like a dog with a pill on food. But so at this point, it's like, I mean, we give her broccoli.

And there are days where she's just like, I like broccoli. But it changes within 10 minutes, too, where she's just like, it's so happy that she gets crackers with sour cream or not sour cream. cream cheese and then and then 10 minutes into it she's like I don't like crackers it's like oh okay you were begging me for these but you know it's crazy she needs to get her story straight I wish now I'm not a parent but I wish you would make your children

eat one leaf of lettuce a day right in front of you I'd love it if I could force that that will never have to do and then you can eat candy canes for dinner but that's the thing because I remember it so clear I was very picky as a child and I remember it so clearly how terrible it felt to be forced to sit there and look at the food. I would have to sit there while the TV was on like

Wonderful World of Disney or whatever was on in the other room. Yeah. And I'm just sitting there with a with a plate full of broccoli. And by the way, this is the 70s. So the broccoli we're talking about is not like... Everyone is on weed. But it's not like my mom is out there like harvesting

fresh broccoli or any. This is like frozen, this is frozen broccoli that she is, you know, heating up. Not in a microwave or whatever, but like heating up in a sauce pan or whatever and it's gross you know so it's like and i would sit there and and they would force me until i finally ate it and i would be crying you're like mom you got harvest some broccoli i would have one meatball in a bowl and be like i just can't eat it i can't eat it i would love a meatball in a bowl right now by the way no seasoning or whatever it's just

purely like boiled i feel like everyone else liked whatever was happening and i just was like i don't want to eat that yeah and then it becomes so big the more they're like you have to eat it the crazier it would feel to eat it that it's like i'm not going to eat that. I'm not going to, and you feel like you're going to throw up. Like, I just know it. So then when I do it to her and she's like crying, I'm like, okay, just stop. You don't have to. I'm just, I can't torture you because it is when you're a kid that's like the biggest problem you have and it's so stressful. This is the glory of being a part of a big family towards the end. Yeah. Is that your parents don't give a shit anymore. And when my mom would make

something for dinner and I'd be like, I don't like that. She'd be like, make yourself peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah. And then you're like, great. And it was like, yeah, all right. Would you still eat the thing then? I usually would end up eating the thing. Yeah. Or eat around it, like whatever the sides were, you know, whatever. But there was no, there was no pressure. There was like maybe a gentle, like, just try it, you know, but not, there was no, no fight.

Right. I'd really like to get into a place of you have to try it and then you can say you don't like it. Yeah. And sometimes you might like it. It's so hard for a kid. She also changes her mind. a lot where, like I say, where she'll say something she doesn't like it. We heard about her flip-flopping, yeah.

But then she'll say, like, this is gross and we'll go, okay, well, just keep it in front of you and then have some of this. And then she'll just like find her way back to it and start eating it. And she'll go, I like this. Yeah. You know, so it's like, wrong. The one thing we are doing is like saying no dessert unless you eat this amount. Yeah.

You know, but. I try to do that too. I'm like, just take a fucking bite. But then if she doesn't eat it, we can go, you can be. done like you just won't get dessert that's all yeah and sometimes that's fine she's like yeah okay great yeah that's when she doesn't like dessert right mm-hmm this ice cream's gross that's it she never flip-flops on the actual sweet although we we decorated holiday cookies yesterday and weirdly she had no interest in eating them she just wanted to decorate them wow and we're like do you want

to try one afterwards she's like no I don't like these and just went off and played it was like wow All you want to do is decorate them. I guess because knowing that she'd been a part of their construction. Yeah, yeah. She's like, I wouldn't eat this. Yeah, I wouldn't eat a cooking. I touch that. I'm a disgusting child.

I don't wash my hands. All right. Do we want to hear another, oh, did we ever pick? I'm going to say cheese, but yeah. I'm going to go, you know what? I'm going to just be crazy and go without the bread. I want cheese. If I could never have bread again, I think I would just live.

Cheese, please. yeah that's what you're like that's what i'm like and you already picked yeah i did man all right here we go hello freedom gang my name is anna and i'm from the netherlands so i'm adding to the list of internationals calling you yay thank you um so i've been listening to comedy bang bang spontaneous nation with special guests all the podcasts uh since i was 15 years old i'm now 30 and uh back then that's actually crazy the closet to myself and the world around me. It was very, felt very safe and nice that Earwolf was always a place where gay people were on, where there was talked openly about it, and I think

even 15 years ago it wasn't as open as it is now, also in the comedy world, so that meant a lot to me. And it got me wondering, especially also growing up in the time. time that wasn't so progressive. Do you guys remember at what point in your life as teenagers or in your 20s? Maybe you started having more progressive values than your parents or the world around you and how you dealt with that. If you rebel, then yeah, how that went. Thank you so much. thoughtful and cool. Thank you, hona. I hope I'm saying your name correctly. Yeah, what a lovely question. I do remember

I was, I was raised Catholic and I was a devout Catholic and believed in everything and then once I graduated high school and moved downtown in Philadelphia.

Where your life's a mass. That's right. Downtown, that's your home address. That's right. Downtown word depression's just status quo. That's right. Mm-hmm.

Okay. I and I started meeting people that were not raised exactly like I was you know like this is in the hat store this is in the hat store yeah the hat store changed my life because people come in for all kinds of hats but it was such as gay on it it was because that's what I am can you handle that um but yeah it was such a it was such a steady a gradual but steady thing um and it was like easy you know what i mean i didn't feel like my oh my god my whole worldview is being challenged it more felt like i i remember having the awareness of you know like i haven't really met anybody like this person before or you know and and the the demystification of it was

so immediate when i would meet people and then the thing that the hung on the longest was my faith and then that gradually just kind of went away and then I one day was aware of that too I was like oh yeah and now you're yeah you're into crypto yeah and listen I want to talk to you guys about this and you keep running away from me but I this is very important no no no no it's good it's the future any day now yeah yeah we're talking about that later yeah yeah I send up for your sit-down zoom situation yeah I feel with with this particular thing um In high school, I mean, especially in Orange County, I think I grew, I was in theater and almost everyone in the department was gay and but was not out. So everyone, it was a weird thing where every person that everyone just kind of knew was gay was like saying, no, I'm not gay, but I think everyone else is.

And they were like, always talking shit about everyone else. I think they're gay. I think they're gay. But they're also. And then I remember when I was, when I was 16, I had a good friend that I was in a show with who I think couldn't like, I think liked me and couldn't quite like come out and say that he was gay and he was trying to figure out if I, that was the thing when I was young is everyone was always trying to figure out like who is because like no one would, oh my God,

he admitted it. So, so then when I graduated high school, it was like the opposite. Everyone from high school that I ever ran into ever again, like I would see people from high school in a bar and they'd be like, oh, this is my boyfriend. Like everyone was just suddenly out. And also I was in college theater groups with a lot of people who were out. And it just was kind of like, oh, yeah, fine. And I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine when I was 19 and he was saying like

about gay people about how he didn't like that they chose to be gay and I was like I was like do you really think anyone would like choose to like if you had a choice

like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to be the harder like part of the persecuted class of people yeah because like I'm good with either of these things but but then it's also

why would it be a choice anyway because it's not it's not a choice if you're like if you're heterosexual like a cis heterosexual person you there's no moment do you say I'm deciding to go this way well that's the other thing is like when they say it's a sin it's like oh I'm straight but god I really want to be gay but it's too much well when I was in high school there were when I look when I look back on it of course there was like because I was in theater in high school and there were these gay guys that had girlfriends you know like they would make

out and stuff with these girls. And I was like, oh, I mean, he seemed gay, but I guess he's not. Yeah. Right, yeah. I remember one of them, like, wrote, uh, basically Smith's, uh, lyrics to his girlfriend, like, to prove how romantic he was and stuff. But anyway, but I remember saying this to my friend about like, why would anyone just, like, choose this?

I think everyone's just born that, born the way they're born. This is, this predates Lady Gaga. I think she got this for me. That's pretty cool. But, um, and, and he went, huh. Oh, yeah. You're right. And it's so funny because that changed.

hit like at that point he was totally progressive on that issue as well you know it was just like so i think it's just like you say paul like being around people who are um comfortable with themselves you know i think for me a lot of that came from starting to improv with older people um i mean i'm from a liberal town and my parents are like had progressive views and so that i wasn't raised in like a situation where I was like rebelling against that. But the, um, I think just like the growing within that would have come from like when I started doing imprep classes. I was 18 and I was still in high school, but everyone my class was out of college mostly. And I, and or in some older, you know, but just to be around people who were just like living their life fully. And you just go like,

oh, that's what, these are some options for life. You know what I mean? Like I think it's very eye opening just also when you move to a big city there are just so many people who are just like comfortable because they're not in a place where they're going to be looked down on yeah all the time so it's just so nice to be able to see when you're excuse me when you're in a big city just people just being who they want to be yeah and like um yeah so i think so i think meeting meeting older people who were like come more comfortable in their lives yeah and just like knew who they were and that was cool and then i think yeah i mean i mean guess that's my answer. It's funny because you got to, as, you know, the turning point for you

is finally getting to meet bigots. No, honestly, yeah. That was shocking. I think anytime I've come across someone who's like that, I'm like, this is crazy. You're the weirdest person on earth. I don't understand you. It is a wild thing when you're raised in kind of a conservative way. Even though my parents were liberals, you know, they were like that kind of East Coast, you know, working class. Also just Catholic Democrat the age that we are yeah it just yeah it's so funny because even four years later I think uh my so-called life is on the air and there's an out character who's in high school there that was unthinkable to me because like there were zero out people in high school but when you have that realization of like oh these people are not a threat like they're they're sort of

it's either implied or said directly to you that these people are a threat that they they have an agenda, they want something, they're trying to make something happen. And then you realize, well, no, they're not. And the people that are doing that actually are the people that are saying, other people are progressing and have an agenda. Yeah. I mean, I had examples of people in my life who were living like great lives. And in our town, it was not like crazy. So like, you know, if my friend had two moms, it was like that was just not weird. Is this your friend Heather? what's that from well Heather has two mommies

what's that what's that from there's a book Heather has two mommies yeah yeah cool um but yeah I mean so I think like I think it's an okay book and it's also one of those things where it's like you know

now with kids it's a very easy thing to explain it's like one of the when people try to act like how do how do I explain this to my kids how do I say I do it every day Snoop yeah it's like how do I explain this to my grandkids Buzz light year movie. Yeah, I think some people, some women are with women and some men are with men.

Yeah. It's like, the sentence is pretty much done. I was like talking about this subject with Emmy recently and I was like racking my brain, trying to cover all my bases because she was saying like, her good friend has two moms. And I was like, yeah, and that's great. And then she's like, and you and I have a mommy and a daddy. And I was like, yeah, that's fine too. And I said, and then some, some, uh, families have two daddies and then some

some only have what I guess some have one daddy and no and no one else and then it's just like okay what are all the possible combinations here I tried to list them all and just going and it's all okay and whatever just families are all fine of like you know I didn't get to throuples but at some point yeah yeah you have to explain Batman who had no parents right yeah and then he became a vigilant and he had a ward he did have a ward you know so some Some men are not your daddy, but they have you as a ward. Legally control you.

Yeah. And you dress up and follow him around at night. Yeah. On rooftops. And you have an old man who waits on your handed foot. Yeah, that's a family. And he keeps your secrets. Well, this was fun.

Yes, it was. I guess it was. About time to wrap it up. It's about time to wrap it up. Do you feel like it's the time to wrap it up? I do. Yeah. Yeah.

I do. We can't do this one episode. forever. No, I mean, that would be great to do an episode that lasted as long as anyone listened to it. And when the last person turns it off, then we stop. You're saying that would be great? Sure. Hmm. Hmm. I think it's great to wrap it up now. I feel like, you know, let's do that and stay. Bye. Bye. Oh, wait, anything to plug? It's Thanksgiving. First of all, Happy Thanksgiving. Anything that you want to plug? You know what? I don't actually think I have anything lined up. I'm kind of taking it easy. And Paul, you're going to, you're

on tour starting this week. That's right. And then when I come home, I'll be doing Varietopia at the lodge room on Sunday, the 21st, and it will be live streamed to the world, varietopia.com for tickets. Oh, oh, and I also, uh, we have three to merch. Uh, then, yes. Yeah, when do we get some? Yeah, when do we got some exactly? But, uh, it is, uh, out there, much like the truth, uh, in the X-Files. Okay, five, all. um it's holiday cards are back um buy them for anyone you think needs to go to hell this holiday season we also have freedom teas the uh new to this year we have the iwork here tea we also have the corporate lady how to talk tea and the pizza robot tea is back in stock yes could this pizza be anymore in this robot yes um go to kinshipgoods.com slash freedom for all that okay that's it right all right all right. Love you. Bye. Bye.

Are you team Batman or Spider-Man? Is the ultimate dish pizza or tacos? Smash Boom Best will help settle those debates and so many more. Every episode, we take two cool things, smash them together, and we see which one is best. Debaters use facts, jokes, stories, and more to argue for their side. And it's all judged by a teenager. Because who is better at judging? and a teen. It's fun. It's weirdly informative. It's smash boom best. Get it wherever you get your

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